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offtopic-enjoyers · 11 days ago

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i need murder duo pls (Ted and Schlatt)

It's a need. Romantic or platonic. I don't care.

guys,, Quesabo spent the last two days obsessively writing this on call and I really hope you enjoy it!! minors DNI!! this is an 18+ post

(EDIT I FORGOT THE CUT!! ITS THERE NOW)

Ps: Bo is praying that god doesn't exist because they're going to hell after writing this

alcohol changes people - a murder duo fic

Here are the Bo-mandated tags-> (its a lot) (bird note here - hopefully the formatting isn't too bad because Bo decided not to add them!! I did it for y'all though.)

Schlatt/Ted, Don't Like Don't Read -), Naked Cuddles, Transmasc character, Trans, Ischlatt, Ted Nivison, Trans Schlatt, boypussy goes crazy hard ngl, interrupted sex, schlatt keeps getting nervous and has to calm down, there is angst, quite a lot actually, the fluff covers it up tho, this is technically smut but I had to get some angst I can't live w out it, trans angst to be specific, they are pretty drunk, dubious consent, consent is cool kids do it, Ted is kinda mean but like in a hot way right? Right, Schlatt is insecure, author is projecting cause it's their coping mechanism, me/your mom, friends to lovers, cause I said so, fuck you, no beta we die like drakes career, I wrote this listening to Kendrick Lamar, I wrote his ALSO listening to Chappell Roan, Schlatt is a canon Charli XCX enjoyer, Tucker Keane mention!!! Lowkey amped up the smut then blueballed not just y'all but myself too wtf is going on, planned rough sex, now it's just actually loving soft sex, its giving mille and moxie, author abuses the shit out of ellipses, fuck show don't tell, using bro/dude/man lovingly, virgin ahh schlatt, cock slut ted canon, they stammer. A LOT

Neon lights graced Ted's shin as he moved around the dance floor, occasionally bumping hips with his friend who he dragged here against his will. Schlatt, however, wouldn't budge, despite his intoxication. He swayed slightly, only tapping his foot when Charli XCX came on, and those moments were few and far between. "Cmonnn, dance! It's what we're here for," Ted pleaded. "You wouldn't catch me dead doing that," Schlatt retorted, arms crossing. The music was blaring, so it was hard to even make out what was being said, relying mainly on lip movements to understand, Still, Ted persisted. "Dude.." He began, slinging his arm around the shorter's shoulders, "Not even for me? You're best friend?" Ted gave a short laugh. Online, people thought they were best friends. They, though having known each other for years, weren't actually all that close, but Ted was actively trying to fix that.

He had admired Schlatt for quite some time, specifically his work ethic. His drive to create, the passion he put into his work, all of it Ted adored. He gave a teasing pout to his friend, his breath thick with alcohol, "You're no fun," he groaned, maybe a bit too loudly, as Schlatt's eyes widened. "Get off me, dude. Just lemme drink and you can dance. I can watch from here," he shook his head, his mess of brown curls cascading over his forehead, beaded with sweat. "Oh, so you've been watching me?" Ted was slightly intrigued by this news. Was Schlatt watching him? Well, he did notice how his gaze always fell to his screen instead of Tucker's when he rambled on about some useless story he had gathered from a road trip. Schlatt's cheeks flushed, barely noticeable under the blue, pink, and purple lights. "N-not like that!" He stammered. Normally, his sharp tongue would have spat back some insult, but he strangely wasn't in the mood to do such a thing.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was just the way Ted was looking at him. It was different from normal, his eyes trailing up and down his figure. It was ...Strange, but... Not unwelcome. Ted bit his lip. Has Schlatt always been this good looking? He noted how Schlatt's arms pushed up his chest, how his glasses framed his face just so. The two looked at each other's bodies, but not their eyes, still mulling over thoughts. Thoughts of each other. Newer thoughts, ones that were too embarrassing to say out loud. "I see how you're looking at me, Schlatt..." Ted murmured into his ear, breath hot against his skin. Schlatt's gaze darted to the concrete floor his foot was so nervously tapping against.

"I'm not looking at you in any of the ways you're thinking, Ted..." Schlatt grumbled, his voice low, maybe with shame, maybe with something else. "Well, what are you thinking, hm? Care to share?" Ted asked with a smirk as his hand moved down Schlatt's back to his hip, pulling him in closer. Schlatt thought for a moment Would he be willing to tell him? Willing to risk their friendship? They were both drunk; maybe it wouldn't matter in the morning. Though, his mother's voice rang in his head. He knew this was a bad idea, but he couldn't shake the thoughts forming in his mind. Of him. Of Ted. Of them.

"Ted.." Schlatt murmured. "Yes?" Ted's head tilted slightly. Schlatt paused, breath hitching on his next few words. "Can we take this back to the car?" He asked quietly, voice shaking: Ted smiled, glad to hear that Schlatt was thinking the same as him. "Of course, babe," he purred, holding Schlatt's hand as he led him out of the bar and to the curb, calling an Uber. Ted still held onto his hand, squeezing lightly. "I can't believe you're already so flustered...* Ted mumbled. "Okay, fuck you..." Schlatt groaned, head tilting back with his hand on his forehead "We'll see..." Ted stifled a chuckle as the Uber pulled up. He opened the door for Schlatt. "Ladies first!" He teased.

Schlatt froze up, standing there for a moment before getting into the car, not even looking at Ted. He knew he didn't mean it, hell, he didn't even know, but it still stung. His fingers moved over his knuckles rhythmically, trying to stay calm. His mind raced, filled with thoughts of how Ted would feel. Would he be mad? Turned off? Disgusted? His leg bounced anxiously. Ted hadn't noticed how distraught Schlatt was, only moving his hand to Schlatt's thigh, pressing lightly to stop the movement. "It's okay if this is your first time... It is, right?" Ted tried to recall Schlatt vaguely telling him that he had saved himself all throughout high school and college, but all he thought about was how his hand traced up to Schlatt's crotch, hand stopping when he couldn't feel what should be there. Ted's hand moved back a bit. Schlatt looked at him in horror before burying his head into his hands. Ted bit back a gasp. Luckily, they were at his house now. They stepped out without saying anything, not even to the driver, not until they got inside, that is.

"Are you.." Ted began. "Trans? Uhm.. Yeah," Schlatt finished, voice wavering. His thighs pressed together; eyes glued to the floor. "I'm gonna... uh... Go...Now. I'm sorry.” Schlatt stammered out, turning to leave before Ted stopped him "Wait, don't-" Ted's hand loosely grabbed Schlatt's eyes locking. "I..You're still. " Schlatt couldn't even form words; he was so emotional. This wasn't how he expected the night to go. His intoxication only added to his emotions. "Dude, we've been friends for years, why didn't you say anything?" Ted's eyes searched Schlatt's, looking for any explanation. "I thought you'd be freaked out! I'm sorry!" Schlatt repeated the last bit a few times, tears running down the sides of his cheeks. His hand pulled away from Ted's to wipe his stream of tears. "I'm not 'freaked out I'm fucking bi, dude. You know I wouldn't be weird about it" Led reassured, moving closer to him. Ted's hands met Schlatt's, pulling them away from his eyes and to his hips. Ted slowly cupped his face, Schlatt's gaze softening.

"So, are we... Uh...Cool?" Schlatt choked out, face red. "Of course," Ted sighed, smiling. "Can I kiss you?" His gaze shifted between Schlatt's lips and his eyes. *Yes..Yes please. " Schlatt nodded before the two locked lips. The kiss was unsteady at first, but grew more confident as Ted pulled him in, fingers running through Schlatt's soft brown hair. Schlatt's own hands moved to Ted's hips, pulling his body against his own. Schlatt opened his mouth slightly, Ted accepting his silent suggestion, tongues wrapping together. Ted tasted like tequila, Schlatt like Benedictines. After a few moments of this gentle exploration, the kiss broke, a small string of saliva connecting their lips. "You taste good-" they said in unison before breaking out into gentle laughter. "At least you like Benedictines.." Schlatt grinned, chest pressed against Ted's. "That I do," Ted's voice was low and gravelly, sending a chill up Schlatt's spine. "Can we go to your room now...?" He asked, a bit antsy now. He felt the familiar heat between his thighs. "Hell yeah," Ted gestured for him to follow. His room wasn't anything special, just his bed, nightstand, a shelf, and a couple boxes still scattered from his move-in Schlatt pulled off his shirt, revealing his scars. They Formed an aesthetically pleasing "w" shape, and Ted pushed Schlatt down onto the bed, lips meeting the marks. "A-a bit direct, don't you think?" Schlatt giggled.

"Yeah, but you probably are enjoying this, aren't you, you little whore?" Ted scoffed as he continued to kiss. "Fuck you, dude! You're the one who started lookin' at me like that... And besides, I saved myself, you slept around, you cock slut," Schlatt snapped before Ted nipped at him. "You gonna be a little bitch the whole time or are you gonna let me blow your back out?" Ted stood up, arms crossed "The second option.." Schlatt rolled his eyes as he sat up to slip off his pants and soaked boxers. "Jesus... We were only kissing, and that was like for a few seconds.. You got that wet?" Ted looked genuinely surprise, then pleased with himself, a shit-eating grin forming. "I didn't know I had that kind of effect over you. I'll keep that in mind for Chuckle Week..." Ted drawled.

"I swear to god, if you even try to bang me on set, I will fucking kill you-" Schlatt began but was stopped by Ted pushing him back down onto the mattress below. "Keep talking and I'll have you choking on my cock instead of your own words, got it?" Ted was more dominant than he realized. Schlatt understood that Ted wasn't even joking, and he was kinda into that. He bit his lip, nodding shakily. "Good boy. Eyes on me," Ted commanded, slowly slipping off his clothes. The entire time, Schlatt didn't dare take his gaze off of him He was enamored by Ted's slow and graceful movements as his articles fell to the floor. "What, like what you see?" Ted grinned. "Hell yeah. Jesus, I uh.." Schlatt was at a loss for words as his eyes trailed around Ted's body, his muscles, the other bit... "It's really cute seeing you like this... All flustered; god, you're getting me so hard..." Ted mused, face flushed. "Didn't expect this, huh?" Schlatt joked "Not entirely, but I can't say I'm particularly disappointed."

Ted made his way over to the bed, going down on Schlatt. His lips moved over his neck, kissing deeply with a deep growl. His hands rans up and down Schlatt's sides, nails grazing lightly. They lefts small, gentle scratch marks, hands deft and precise with their movements. Schlatt was quite small under Ted's frame, their biological differences more obvious now that they were stripped down to nothing. Ted had more body hair than Schlatt, and the hair Schlatt did have was that strange silky kind that never fills in quite right. He was slightly envious of Ted's benefits, especially with how he was teasing him right now, his boner pressed on the outside of his cunt.

"You're such a bastard, y’know that, Ted?" He spat rather bitterly. He knew it was out of Ted's control whether he was born a girl or a boy, but it still felt unfair that Ted was so lucky to have been born the way he had been. Ted, hearing this, was slightly taken aback. "W-what? What do you mean?" Ted used his arms to push himself up, now locking eyes with Schlatt's still red, glassy gaze. Schlatt moved further up on the bed, now resting on the headboard. Ted moved with him, leaning up next to his friend. "I..." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I know I keep returnin' to this, but..." He sniffed, still buzzed. "Uhm... Fuck, how do I word this... Well you were born in the right body, y'know, and I.. Well, I wasn't. I know this isn't even your problem, its mine, but it feels so unfair to see you actually happy in your body. And seeing you having..Uh..Fun... Is even worse." Schlatt's hand moved across his knuckles again, one of his many coping mechanisms that wouldn't destroy his body. His voice wavered with each new sentence he formed, eyes not daring to look at Ted's. He was mad at himself for even telling this to him. It wasn't his fault, why should he care?

Schlatt brought his knees to his chest, leaning his forehead against it. Gazing down, he could barely make out what he hated most about his body. Every day, when he showered, he'd put a towel over the mirror and close his eyes and hum to distract himself while he bathed his more intimate parts. He hated looking, but at the moment, he just wanted to escape Ted's prying eyes. He felt Ted's arm wrap around his shoulder, and a small lass on the top of his head. It made Schlatt want to cry. He hated being treated like he was lesser than what he really was. He let out a shaky sob. Ted pulled him close, hand rubbing slow, soft circles on his back He could hear Ted quietly shushing him, laying the occasional kiss on his forehead in between his soft breaths. "Oh babe..." Ted took his time finding his next words, choosing them carefully. "I can't uh, say that I know what you're going through, but I know it hurts." He paused, running over his next sentence internally before he spoke. "I don't know if this really counts, but I like your body..." Ted murmured, a bit embarrassed.

He usually wasn't this genuinely sappy with people. Schlatt just sniffed, trying to stop himself from crying, though he still felt hot tears running down his unshaven cheeks. "Can I pick you up?" Ted asked. Schlatt mustered a nod, too tired to argue. Ted's arms hooked Schlatt's legs, and soon, all of Schlatt's weight pressed against Ted's thighs. He pulled him close, Schlatt able to hear Ted's heartbeat. It was slow, and listening to it, Schlatt tried to synch his own breathing with his. At first, it was difficult His breath kept hitching, and his sobs interrupted his efforts, however, Ted's fingers moved rhythmically through his hair, his lips kissing his cheeks slowly and soft. Ted so desperately wanted to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry," or "I didn't know," but he knew his friend. He knew at times like this, when he got too tired to film, or when he couldn't keep up the persona, the best thing to do was to just stay calm, and let Schlatt rest, which is what was happening right now.

Schlatt finally got his breath to a reasonable pace, his head now sinking into the crux of Ted's neck. His lips kissed along his collar bone, though the angle was awkward. Ted only giggled at this attempt. "Are you okay now?" Ted murmured, still unsure it he wanted to continue with what they were doing before. "Mhm.. Uh, thanks for that, by the way. I really appreciated it, well, more specifically you..." Schlatt adjusted his body so that now he was facing Ted, legs spread over his. Ted picked up on the subtle mood change, hands running up the sides of Schlatt's thighs and to his ass, squeezing gently. "I'm glad to hear that I helped. Speaking of helping, you mind doin' me a favor, babe?"

Ted let Schlatt's gaze shift down to his cock, Ted letting out some half-laugh as Schlatt immediately became enamored. "Yeah, I can do that..." Schlatt, still coated in his slick, lifted his body up, and then slowly down on Ted's dick, letting out a low and soft groan as he did. Ted felt Schlatt weakly tighten around him. "Fuck, you really did save yourself... You're really tight, shit..." Ted's breath left him with a shudder. Only a moan leftSchlatt's lips in response, shifting his hips around. Ted let out another deep groan as he pulled Schlatt's lips to his as Schlatt's hands ran through Ted's dark brown hair. They sat like that for a few minutes, just letting Schlatt adjust to being penetrated, something he seldomly did. "Are you ready?" Ted murmured into his ear. "Mhm. Can I lay down?" He asked quietly, as if he was nervous to upset Ted, still on edge, just barely. "Yeah, dude, of course!" He stopped, laughing at himself. "What's so funny?" Schlatt asked. The the fact that I called you dude when I'm about to fucking rail you-" Ted managed to get out between giggles, Schlatt joining in. "W-well-Fuck I can't speal wait-" He struggled to form a coherent sentence between chuckles. "I swear I don't mind, fuck" He only laughed harder, leaning back onto the mattress. "So, bro, you gonna fuck me or nah?" Schlatt teased.

"Oh okay, fuck you-" Ted rolled his eyes as he adjusted his hips and Schlatt's legs, letting his weight fall on Schlatt's stomach. *This okay. babe?" He asked, prepping himself. "Oh, fuck yeah-" Schlatt was cut off by Ted immediately thrusting into him, rather roughly. "O-oh fuck!" Schlatt moaned, throwing his head back. "God, you are so fuckin' tight, mphf-" Ted stifled a whine as he tightened around his dick. His hands moved to Schlatt's chest, thumbs running over his nipples, giving the occasional pinch. "A-ah! Ngh!" He yelped, ass pressing into the blankets below. "T-that's what I love to hear," Ted half chuckled half moaned, his cute little noises sending butterflies into his stomach. He wasn't about to admit how turned on Schlatt's moans made him. Even on the podcast, whenever Schlatt groaned at some dumb comment, in the back of his mind, Ted was always wishing it was him that could make Schlatt groan like that, to scream even. Thankfully, that day was here.

His cock moved in and out swiftly, Schlatt's drenched cunt weakly squeezing as he did so. His breath was heavy, barely containing the moans forming automatically with Ted filling his body so well. It drove him mad how good this felt. How long had he been waiting for this? 25 fucking years, and god, had it paid off. His mind was hazy as he was pumped through, unable to form any responses when Ted asked him simple questions like, "are you enjoying yourself, princess?" or "you wanna get louder?" His brain did focus on the "princess" bit though, a groan escaping him. "Y-you like that, princess?" Ted seemed just slightly hesitant to genuinely call him that, especially since it teetered on the line of a joke and misgendering Schlatt, though, he weirdly seemed into it, particularly because of how ashamed he was, but lust and alcohol changes people. "Mpf…F-fuck. Yes-yes!" Schlatt whined hand moving to his clit, rubbing rather sloppily. "God, you're so cute like this..." Ted praised, continuing, "So fuckin' adorable, sp-spread out like this for me... It's a shame I g-gotta wreck this c-cute bod-body of yours.." Ted stammered, feeling a familiar high wash over him, precum leaking out of his cock.

"S-Schlatt, I'm close..." Ted groaned, Schlatt moaning in response. "Hah-please...." Schlatt moaned "Oh god. pleasepleasepleaseplease..." Schlatt whimpered, voice quavering as he applied more pressure to his clit, back arching into the mattress. "Oh god, Ted, I'm g gonna cum! Please! Oh fuck!" He practically screamed, thighs trembling. M-me too, go on and cum, pretty b-boy!" Ted moaned into Schlatt ear. He obeyed willingly, gasping for air as he did so, chest pressing into Ted's. Tears rolled down his cheeks, some shaky sobs of overstimulation leaving him Ted slowed down, letting him catch his breath before he continued. "Y-you okay..? Did I go too hard?" Ted's hand grazed his cheek, thumb wiping away his tears. He only mustered a small headshake, signaling that Ted was in the clear.

Once he was sure that Schlatt could handle Ted finishing, he started again, Schlatt crying under him. It was a bit sadistic but hearing Schlatt cry because of him only edged him closer to climaxing, his thighs pushing into Schlatt's. "Oh-oh god I'm gonna cum! Oh god..." Ted's eyes screwed shut listening to Schlatt whine as he filled his cunt. His thrusts finally slowed to a halt, and Schlatt was a mess. His skin was flushed red, breathing rapidly and shallow. "Did I go too hard babe?" Ted let out a shaky breath as he pulled out, grimacing just slightly as cum poured out ofSchlatt and onto his bed. Fuck...." he grumbled, turning to Schlatt. "N..Maybe..." He whimpered, knees pressing together weakly.

Ted stood up, knees wobbly as he slid his arms under Schlatt's body, lifting him up with surprising ease. He carried him to the bathroom, setting him up on the sink, the rest of Ted's cum leaking into the sink Schlatt gasped at the cold of the fake marble countertop, but got over it quickly when he saw Ted turn on the warm shower water. He lifted himself off the counter, barely making his way to Ted, who helped him into the shower. They both cleaned themselves off the best they could, still inebriated. They shared a few sloppy kisses in the shower, and a few outside as Ted lent him a rather oversized sweatshirt, Schlatt drowsily digging through his bag to find himself a pair of dry boxers. He collapsed on the now clean bed, Ted changing out the blanket.

Ted slid under the covers next to Schlatt who gave him a sleepy smile. "Hey bud, you okay?" He asked, fingers grazing over his mutton chops. "Yeah...God that was so fuckin' good..." He giggles to himself, letting his lips meet Ted's, this time going for a gentle, slow, sweet kiss rather than the more passionate kind the two shared earlier on in the night. "I wasn't lyin' earlier, either... I love you-" Ted caught himself, covering up with another, less vulnerable truth, "your body. I don't mind, I might even prefer it," Ted pulled him closer, wrapping his body around Schlatt's, legs tangling together. "Okay. Well.." Schlatt blushed, burying his face into Ted's shoulder, now covered with a loose t-shirt. He smelled nice, Schlatt noted, basking in the lavender scent that laced Ted's figure. It was very lulling, already tired from his back getting blown out. Ted managed to keep himself from laughing as he heard quiet snores beneath him, as he whispered, though drunk, still honest, "I love you." Schlatt quietly smiled, humming just a bit, falling back to sleep almost instantly.

#quesabo post💜#oneshot #writing #jschlatt #schlatt #NSFW!!!#smut #ted nivison #murder duo #chuckle sandwich #trans schlatt #mlm

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