#queerbrujas

[veeples]

3, 5 and 12 for the book asks!! 💕

hi silv <33 ty beloved!

3. What were your top five books of the year?

Answered here! Even though The Broken Earth trilogy didn't make my top five just because, like, I consider it together as a series and I technically started that in 2022, I'll give a funny story and say that when I borrowed The Stone Sky by N.K. Jemisin a bunch of water from my bottle spilled onto it and I had to buy the library a new copy OTL. Which I'm totally fine with replacing it, I'm just mortified at myself that it happened! It made me finally throw away that water bottle since it never closed correctly.

5. What genre did you read the most of?

According to StoryGraph, it's LGBTQIA+ which really isn't a proper genre of it's own, but after that, it's fantasy, literary, and horror! I would love to continue to delve more into the horror genre, maybe dip my toes into older works and see where the foundation lies.

12. Any books that disappointed you?

I kind of touched upon it in another ask, but The Spite House by Johnny Compton set me up for low expectations (because, like, I can kind of eye a B-rated horror concept from a distance), but overall it has a poor build in tension and suffers from just way too many POVs for a novel of it's length. I think for a classic haunted house sort of narrative, the thriller part should revolve around the threat of the house, and yet the most thrilling part happens... at a different house??? And there's so little satisfaction in unravelling the mystery when the characters who are new to this town and this house don't really have to do any digging themselves. Another character offers insight, and another character is able to push the Informational Character to Release the Information. There's no digging, there's no uncovering, and I think this is due in part to the POVs extending to characters outside of the focal family who know nothing about the situation they're in. And then because there are so POVs, I do feel like it cut in hard to deeper and more meaningful characterization for the family. I mean, a haunted house is cool, but it's really about the people who haunt it and people who get haunted by it, so. Really a bit of a clumsy narrative with a halfway decent mystery and concept of death and ghosts, but it felt very flat for me.

[end of year book asks!]

[lvllns]

book recommendations!

i got tagged by @rosebarsoap and @narrativefoiltrope!! thank u both!!

i'm gonna taaaaag @pensdragon @pinkfey @waspgrave @venusmages @queerbrujas @princesshoneytea and anyone else who wishes to do this!!

the last book i read: excluding manga, the red threads of fortune by neon yang!

a book i recommend: always always always the darkness outside us by eliot schrefer. do you like science fiction? would you like to experience the slow unraveling of a mystery aboard a spaceship as two young men gradually fall in love amidst the backdrop of Shit Being Weird? do i have the book for you! i still think about this book two years later. it had me staring at the wall for three days after i finished it contemplating life and what it means to be human.

a book that i couldn't put down: i will not bang on about the previous book so here's a different queer science fiction novel, winter's orbit by everina maxwell. science fiction, political nonsense, trying to solve a murder, slowly falling in love. it's just so good.

a book i've read twice or more: i've read tithe by holly black like. a dozen times by this point. i love the modern faerie tale books so much.

a book on my TBR: re-coil by j.t. nicholas! more science fiction! this time with the ability for people's consciousnesses to be backed-up and then downloaded into a new body!

a book i've put down: i've only ever put down two books. thr*ne of glass and ac*tar. it's a no from me.

a book on my wishlist: somewhere beyond the sea by tj klune! the sequel to the house in the cerulean sea! i'm greatly looking forward to meeting back up with arthur, linus, and the entire group of kids.

a favorite book from my childhood: i can't pick one so the immortals quartet by tamora pierce!

a book you would give to a friend: the city of brass by s.a chakraborty. doesn't matter if you like fantasy or not. you get this book. read it. read the whole trilogy.

a book of poetry you own: cracks knuckles i'm actually sad bc i can't remember if i saved all my poetry chapbooks from undergrad :( however! the year of blue water by yanyi was. amazing. incredible. i know i saved it because it just changed me so fucking much. salat by dujie tahat was also fucking incredible. they spoke to my poetry class and they were a DELIGHT!

a nonfiction book: broken by fred kay which is about the suspicious death of alydar, a famous thoroughbred stallion.

what are you currently reading: the horse god built by lawrence scanlan which is about triple crown winner secretariat, focusing heavily on his groom, eddie "sweet" sweat, and the influence eddie had on the stallion. also diving into looking at how grooms, black grooms specifically, are often overlooked when it comes to the entire package of a race horse.

what are you planning on reading next: oh man probably intimacies, received by taneum bambrick, who was my poetry writing professor (and many other classes professor lmao), and it's a poetry chapbook! and then following that, i will probably pick the tensorate series back up with the descent of monsters by neon yang!

[grapecaseschoices]

what kind of art would someone make about you? here

tagged by: i stole it; tagging: @serenpedac @galpal95 @quinnorion @mt07131 @sustainably-du-mortain @unitedindistaste @griffin-wood @sun-teas @honeylemonbutte @sunshineandviolets @straightuppotato-ocs @graysonblck @queerdetectiveblue @queerbrujas and anyone who wants!

Hiyam:

films [yes!]

you are wild and there’s no way for your essence to be captured in a frozen format. you are a character and the only way to describe you is to capture you in motion. you are electric. people are naturally drawn to you because you exude confidence. everything you do, you seem to know what your next step is. you are the muse to many, even if you don't know it, but deep down you do. people tend to fall in love with the idea of which i'm sure can be exhausting.

Bethany Josnel:

music [hrm]

you are a breath of fresh air. you are soft and free. you disappear as quickly as you appear, and everyone wishes you had stayed around longer than you did. your voice is what makes people fall in love. everything you say is in harmonies and codes, and only the most experienced listeners can fully understand you. your presence is always enjoyed but you aren’t always given the praise you deserve; people will let you stay in the background. all you want is for someone to really listen to you.

Lala:

poetry [!!]

you choose your words carefully and your words will be heard. you’re smart as hell. you know it and so does everyone else and you carry yourself with a sort of confidence. you’re a bit of an artist yourself, even if unintentional. you can find beauty in mundanity but you also know when to be a realist. people fall in love with you because you are a confident mystery and they're dying to find out more. you fear that this attraction that people have to you is based purely in curiosity and nothing else.

Alana:

novels [pretty much!]

you fall in love easily and hard, and you are the image that pops into someone’s brain when they think of a love interest. you are a romantic and find yourself falling in love a hundred times a day because your imagination is wild and certainly knows how to get the best of you. you are soft and delicate and need to be handled with care, because a heartbreak would break you into a million pieces. you don’t want much else except to be loved and to love. you want to live out your wildest dreams, and the person that loves you can't help but let their imagination run wild with you.

Ori:

paintings [... yeah, i can see it]

everything you do is a work of art. you are beautiful without even trying, simply lounging around looks like you’re posing and waiting for someone to sketch you. you come off as light and easy but you are often misunderstood. people don’t tend to see you for who you really are, and focus too much on how effortlessly you appear to navigate the world. there's some kind of darkness behind your eyes that only some can see under all the layers of paint.

[magebastard]

tagged by @narrativefoiltrope to make an oc in this meiker and assign them a poisonous flowering plant w this uquiz! thank u so much this was a TRIP

i’m not 100% who hasnt done it yet but tagging @coldshrugs @queerbrujas @fairmonkey @thee-morrigan @grapecaseschoices @rosebarsoap @esmeralda-juniper @purahs @lilas @veeples and whoever else would like to do this bc i want to see them all

Lane Wheatley - Lily Of The Valley

This is the poison of giving too much. You feel yourself emptying out, dizzying, discoloring-- until you fear you will fade entirely and wither away. You have always had to give. You never had a choice before. They pluck your flowers for their beauty, they trample your leaves carelessly, they pull out your roots by the fistful and berate you for daring to grow. And now that you have a grove to spread out in, your rhizomes tangle and curl in on themselves. When cruelty is all you've ever known, thriving seems impossible. But the answer is not to make yourself small and offer every lovely thing you are to the world in the hopes it will have mercy on you. The answer is to let yourself dare to thrive for thriving's sake, to grow in the wild ways you wish to-- and to do that for yourself for once.

[dwead-piwate-meggers]

Tidbit Tuesday

Because I am back on my bullshit and Charlotte’s not-love letters continue.

Tagging: @ejunkiet , @agentnatesewell , @evilbunnyking , @queerbrujas

I’m sure a therapist would have something to say about a childhood with an absent mother and my tendency to form relationships with emotionally unavailable partners. I suppose I should be grateful that at least you’re openly unavailable, instead of pretending otherwise? Can I call that progress?

[solarisrenbeth]

tag people you’d like to get to know better!

tagged by @gwaha 😽

LAST SONG: this mashup on repeat 🤩

CURRENTLY WATCHING: beef (finally) , daisy jones and the six (bc my friends said daisy has jordy vibes and they were right 🧎‍♀️), below deck: down under (boat show fridays beloved 🚢)

THREE SHIPS: i only care about my own characters’ ships and the characters of my friends, sry 🤭 but uhhhhh currently in rotation: sdv!jamie x sterling, solara (literally always but i’ve been listening to their ship playlist and weeping), jordy x athena or levi or andi from @/apt502-if lmao

FAVORITE COLOR: currently, terra cotta

CURRENTLY CONSUMING: toaster strudels

FIRST SHIP: there were probably earlier ones but the first one i remember experiencing blorbo-induced insanity over was alistair x mahariel

PLACE OF BIRTH: pennsylvania, usa

CURRENT LOCATION: indiana, usa

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single 💃

LAST MOVIE: little women (2019)

CURRENTLY WORKING ON: uhmmmmm myself? dkdksksk 🚶‍♀️

tagginggggg @lavampira @magebastard @queerbrujas @joachimtriers @queerdetectiveblue if ya wanna! ✨

[whalesfall]

tag game!

9 people you want to get to know better

tagged by @euelios thank you! <3

last song: actual song? iron & wine's version of time after time, which I've had on repeat out of agony. song I used to scratch the itch in my brain? instrumental version of just dance, which, you know. fucks.

currently watching: black mirror's latest season! demon 79 what a moment. cheeky demons, apocalyptic consequences, oh yeah.

currently reading: loosely all at once, the traitor baru cormorant by seth dickinson, project hadea by nyehilism (scifi delight), play it as it lays by joan didion, and the world's wife by carrie ann duffy.

current obsession: sort of always the torments, right? waiting for something to really sink my teeth into, but I meander in the meantime.

going to throw tags at @antigonick @helenekuragina @ejunkiet @stoneware @the-rebel-archivist @kittlesandbugs @gingerbreton @agentnatesewell @queerbrujas <3

[s-ewell]

Thank you for the tag @losingface 💖

My TWC detectives, as they are for now!

Deena (she/her): Farah

Kaiya (she/her): Morgan

Theodore (Theo) (he/him): Ava

Gonnarenamemyoriginaldetectivejusthaventdecidedyet (she/they): Nate (also LT route on different saves hehe)

Tagging: @queerbrujas @brightpinkpeppercorn @mepheesto and anyone else who what's to do it! (also sorry if you already posted this and I didn't see 😭)

[ninanirina]

Ohhh this was fun!! Tagged by @queerdetectiveblue to make this tier list of tropes <3 I have a lot of nopes 😮

Tagging whoever sees this, and maybe @queerbrujas, @misseffect, @shadoedseptmbr, @mapplestrudel?

[sysba]

Thank you @leondaltons bestie for tagging me, i've been so bad at games lately so this time i'm not skipping! 💖

Lockscreen: just, some random theme pic from my phone's options lol don't want random people to know anything about me just because i gotta check the time in public

Homescreen (and glimpse of last song I listened to): as we all know, or well we should ALL know, it's Ted Lasso season!!!! so yeah picked the Jamie/Jules/Dani commission i got from beloved @/night-triumphantt 🥰🥺😭💕 Last song is one i cannot stop listening these days....

please listen to this and Dum Dum by Jeff Satur 🛐

Last pic: my sibling got into manga (not a twist ig lmao) and here's a pic of the latest buy djsdlksd

Tagging the last few people in my notes but as always no pressure/feel free to ignore mwah: @chargeortega / @queerbrujas / @mydemonsdrivealimo / @syfynjavall

[veeples]

book recommendations

@lavampira AND @narrativefoiltrope beloveds tagged me! thank you for the tag dani and i'm still soooo thrilled you loved goth western so much <3

tagging: @nerdferatum and @winesharksea and anyone else! tbh if you're a mutual of mine and you're on storygraph hmu, i love following other people and seeing what they're reading.

1. the last book I read:

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlin Doughty — I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't expecting to tear up from a memoir detailing her year working for a crematory, but it ended up being a very touching experience in understanding how Caitlin went from college graduate to eventual Ask a Mortician (one of my fave youtubers I miss her so much). It is a book that deals with death, both the traumatic and the relatively peaceful, so maybe not the LIGHTEST of reads, but one I actually wanna re-visit soon!

2. a book I recommend:

The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin — I got recommended this series by @queerbrujas, and wow! I think if you're someone whose interested for a sort of, soft start into sci-fi, the elements are there and add value, but the emotional arcs and world building that unfolds is just so masterfully done. Once I really got into the first book, I tore through the next two in the series with relative ease.

3. a book that I couldn’t put down:

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo — This is just a super fun fantasy read!! It makes me wanna read more like, fast paced heist sort of novels. Each character in the ensemble has a strong personality so they all stand out from each other, but they complement each other well and offer interesting relationships with each other! I was so enamored by the book I had to run out to a store to buy the sequel the night I finished it.

4. a book I’ve read twice (or more):

The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir — Funny thing is, I almost never re-read books because I feel like, good God I already have so many on my to be read list that I keep adding onto, I don't have time to re-read books. But this series has a ton of re-readability value, and it's almost necessary to take a second or third or fourth pass (depending on how insane you are) to pick up on the subtleties and the continuous narrative of themes that Muir puts down once you get past the memes and lesbians. I'm putting the whole series here because I've read Gideon the Ninth, Harrow the Ninth, and Nona the Ninth 2-3 times now and will probably re-read again before Alecto the Ninth comes out (impatient grumbling).

5. a book on my TBR:

Sterling House by Alix E. Harrow — Can I be completely honest, I actually don't know that much about this book. A librarian gave me a little book magazine when I was picking up some books one day and this book was on the cover. And the cover was just very pretty. I'm a very shallow person, you see. Also a bit like a bird because I see something pretty and I want it. But I also really wanna read Dungeon Meshi, so there's that too.

6. a book I’ve put down:

The Telling Room: A Tale of Love, Betrayal, Revenge, and the World's Greatest Piece of Cheese by Michael Paterniti — This book was honestly such a drag to read. Slow paced and at 80% in, I still hadn't gotten to the confrontation between the original cheesemaker and his best friend who sold his family's cheese and business for money, which is so hyped up. There's a point to it taking so fucking long, and the point is, that's apparently just how the people the author visited told stories. Long winding tales with bunches of offshoots. Probably great as an orally told story. Bit miserable as written word.

7. a book on my wishlist:

The Unclaimed: Abandonment and Hope in the City of Angels by Stefan Timmermans, Pamela Prickett — This one I saw in an e-mail for new books that came out in March, I think, and I have an interest in funeral practices and issues in modern day death management, thanks to being such a big fan of Caitlin Doughty. This book deals with the growing phenomenon of the unclaimed dead, which got touched upon in one of Caitlin's books, but not expanded upon. I try not to buy books if I can avoid it, but this one being so new and probably a little too niche for my library, I'll have to purchase it if I wanna read it!

8. a favorite book from my childhood:

??? — I don't think I have one to speak of that I can remember. I remember really being enchanted with some book about a girl finding a secret garden, so maybe it was Literally just The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgsen Burnett. Or like, I really liked the kid's book about the old lady who swallows a fly. Does that count???

9. a book you would give to a friend:

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson — This book was recommended to me by a friend, specifically the audiobook version. And wow, yeah! I kind of judge audiobook, and really narrator quality, by this one! The narrator put so much love and emotion into narrating the book, which really highlighted the emotional high points and made them punchier. This book may have made cry a little because I am always a sucker about characters who feel they don't fit in anywhere, who feel odd, who feel different, but find support and community and love with other people who feel the same way. So, like, I would definitely give this book to someone if they wanted an introduction to how good audiobooks can be.

10. a book of poetry or lyrics you own:

The Essential Neruda: Selected Poems by Pablo Neruda — I bought the bilingual version of this book last year so I could see how Spanish is used in poetry, and then found out that he has a complex way of using Spanish so maybe it's not that useful. <3 And then I didn't read it at all, it's still on my bookshelf. Judging me. u_u I'll get to it one day.

11. a nonfiction book you own:

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado — Don't remember how this book got on my radar, but I went out and bought it and was so pleasantly surprised by how the style Machado uses in it to detail her memoir of an abusive relationship. So it's not a light read whatsoever, but just by style alone made it very evocative, it almost reads like literary fiction. I never thought about approaching memoirs or non-fiction in what I figure is a kind of non-standard way, so it stands out from the other non-fiction books I've read.

12. what are you currently reading:

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver — So this is apparently a sort of, like, modern retailing of Charles Dickens' David Copperfield, which I would have got, except like, I'm not that big of a literary nerd. So I had to look that up. Really, it caught my attention because I'm currently re-listening to a fave podcast, Old Gods of Appalachia, and this book is set in like, 80s-90s Appalachia so it's adjacent enough to my interest. So far it is masterfully written and has such a strong voice for the narrator and protagonist. It's also a thick ass book, well over 500 pages which is a bit out of my usual range, but it's been nice to sit down with a longer story that feels like I'm sitting down to listen to the guy tell me his life's story.

13. what are you planning on reading next:

??? — Bruv who knows? I don't plan these things until I'm done with whatever I'm reading now u.u. I have a little gay romance I bought during indie bookstore day and I also promised @sysba to read some other Chinese manhua with some other sad tragic gay boys. It'll probably be that one.

[parkerlyn]

“there will always be another day” for the sage, if you feel like it? (thank you so much for sharing this fantastic story, i am in love with this world and with these characters!!)

Thank y'all so much for the prompts and the lovely words! I'm slowly getting there with being happy again with my writing haha, and your encouragement really means a lot ❤️And so glad you’re enjoying!

Written assuming post Chap 3, so a spoiler from the game hinted at!

There will always be another day

I will pretend that I have not already heard the question in your eyes

The tension between you is a comfortable one. An unspoken question that prowls behind you - not quite dangerous, but ever present.

You see it in the way the Sage’s hand pulls back just before your fingers touch. You hear it in the measured, polite sentences, in the straightening of their spine and the fluid, formal lift of their wrist as they show you through the Library. You try to ignore it in the nervous twist of the golden lines framing their eyes or the anxious turning of their rings.

Because the truth of it is, you don’t know the answer.

Or maybe it’s more that you think you know, but don’t want to be wrong. How could you take the chance when it might spell the end of these precious, simple, mortal moments? Why not push the answer out to another day?

What you want is to hear their voice pitch in excitement. To be at their side when an epiphany strikes and their pace quickens. To see every constellation in the sky reflected in dark hazel. To discover every secret corner, every dusty book marked only by the Sage’s fingerprints and to leave some evidence of your existence alongside them. 

You wonder if you could take one of the crystals used for the Echoes to capture your memories. 

Would the images stay as sharp as their shining edges?

Would a memory be enough?

You know the answer to that, at least, and it feels like swallowing stone.

They ask the question today when you struggle to pull out a scroll from its intricate, cylindrical container. A map of something or other that the Sage thinks will help.

Aged paper clings to the small space, digging its heels in as you try to wiggle it free to no avail. You sigh and slump your shoulders in the light of the sunset streaming through their office window, pulling your fingers back before resting them on the tube’s edge. It’d be easier to just rip the map out and piece it back together, “the importance of preservation” and “historical artifacts” be damned.

Quiet laughter bounces off the bookshelf near you, and you look to find the Sage distracted from their own task of note-taking.

The pout quickly forms on your lips.

“How badly do we need this map?”

“It’s absolutely crucial, actually,” they respond while they place their pen down and stand, every movement graceful and gentle.

“You’re sure?” you say with a quirked eyebrow. “Or are you just enjoying watching me struggle?”

A mischievous, demure smile brightens their face as they drag their fingertips around the papers and books on their desk and step toward you. Heat builds behind your ears as the smile turns softer and they kneel at your side, shadows draping across their arms.

But that fluttering feeling cools as you notice the too-wide space they leave between your bodies, golden robes and embroidery spilling over to bridge the gap. Knowing they’ll ask for the scroll from a detached distance, you hold it out to them with your fingers curled around the top and face turned away. 

There’s a too-long pause and a hesitant hand floating at their chest. You don’t have to meet their eyes to know the question coiling around the flecks of forest green and topaz.

Will you betray us?

You pretend not to hear the words thundering in your skull, focusing on keeping your arm still and your expression neutral. The too-long silence becomes unbearable until their whisper pushes it aside.

“Here,” they breathe out, reaching for the scroll and its offending container. “It…it comes out a bit easier if you-”

It turns out they’re not reaching for just the scroll at all.

Warmth ignites in the space between your fingers as they interlace theirs with yours, covering your hand and providing some support with their thumb pressed into the edge of your palm. You can’t help your head swiveling to the side to watch them, to ask a question of your own. But they keep their concentration on your hands and avoid your gaze.

A breeze draws your attention next, tentative and careful as it whispers across your cheek and dances in the minuscule gap between your hands. Shivers race over the soft skin at your wrist and up your forearm, a streak of summer wind that kisses your shoulder before it dives into the tube.

Finally, the scroll is set free, though you’d like to think it’s in no small part to your earlier efforts. Paper that seemed ready to crumble if you so much as looked at it too harshly now slides out toward the ceiling, unfurling in effortless waves as it escapes the confines of its container.

“I thought these were too fragile to use magic with?” you ask the Sage outloud, though any sort of concern for the map is the farthest thing from your mind. It drifts forward on the echo of your question and comes to rest on the long, wooden table at the side of the room.

The hushed wind ebbs away as their other hand pushes some of their braids back. “Don’t tell the other Sages? Or my Acolyte, he’d have a heart attack.”

They press an index finger to their lips over a subtle grin, and you try to memorize the way their eyes and their cheeks and their dimples and their laughter all come together to create such a perfect symphony.

You eventually chuckle in response, until both of you realize the heat is still resonating between your skin. 

Expecting them to snap their hand back, you brace yourself for the motion while you watch the tilt of their lips fade and their eyes widen. But instead, they hold for just a few moments more.

A second question falls into the empty space between you, and breathes into the hesitant brush of their fingers on your knuckles when they finally pull away.

Will you betray me?

No is the answer you hope another day will hold.

Never.

[thegoldenharp]

If you had to pick one song to describe each of the ROs' relationship with the MC, what would you pick?

...silv, i can’t ever pick just one of anything (i really did try this time, though <3 )

(i’ve mostly picked based on the lyrics/vibes of the song, rather than the genre - some of them would be horrified by what’s been picked for them...!)

lorcan x mc demons by imagine dragons / writing’s on the wall by sam smith

robin x mc honey by magic man / time in a bottle by jim croce

gray x mc to be alone by hozier / found love by sofya wang

lorelei x mc dandelions by ruth b. / as long as you love me (sleeping at last version)

grace x mc holy by zolita / heart like yours by willamette stone

anthony x mc talk by hozier / midas by skott

the other x mc persephone by tamino / you and i by pvris

bonus:

lorcan x anthony arcade by duncan lawrence

[coldshrugs]

hi azia!!! 7 for the oc awards? ✨

Outstanding Plot Fucker Upper goes to...

Effie Metaxas, from Wayfarer :D

She's trying her best, she thinks she has some idea of what's happening, and yet... It's not that she's fucking up the plot but the plot is actively fucking with her lmao

[dwead-piwate-meggers]

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by: @persephotea

Tagging: @ejunkiet, @agentnatesewell, @queerbrujas, @evilbunnyking

Sneak peek for the not-love letter that will (hopefully) be released later today:

Here we are again. Penning the things I can’t (won’t) say to your face. I suppose I should be flattered that you seem to believe that I’m fearless. Are you so wrapped up in yourself that you can’t sense it? Or do I hide it so well that even a vampire can’t tell?

[chroniclesinlacuna]

'things you said when you were scared' for dex/nate my beloved?

I’m so sorry this took so long! But! Thank you for the prompt!!

After (read on ao3)

Words: ~950 Rating: T Warnings: Blood, references to injuries

There are hands on him. There are hands on him, and he doesn’t know where he is, and he doesn’t know who is touching him, and god his head hurts.

“Easy, easy…” He doesn’t recognize the voice, but when the roaring in his ears dies down somewhat, it seems to take most of the fog with it, and he can smell enough to tell him all he needs to know - through the smoke and the char and the blood, he can smell that too-clean, too-sharp antiseptic smell of-

“How’d you get here so fast?” His voice sounds muddled - muffled and scratched, and he’s not sure if it’s the fire in his throat or the ocean in his ears causing it. He does manage to open his eyes though, taking in the young, confused face above him.

The agency medic fussing at him blinks at him as he finally opens his eyes, then just shakes his head. “We were on call - like normal? Soon as the building blew, everyone was on site.”

The building?

The building…

He remembers two things in that moment. The explosion that knocked them off their feet - and apparently tossed him into a wall, if the headache is anything to go by - and-

“Dex?”

“What?” The medic isn’t a vampire, that much is clear, and Nate has no issue shoving out of his reach and to his feet. He can feel the last cuts and bruises slowly knitting themselves back together, but nothing feels broken or worse, and, frankly, he really doesn’t care about that.

“Agent? Agent!” He can hear the voice just fine. Finds the roar in his ears is of a different sort this time.

What’s left of the building is little more than a few walls and smoking rubble, swarming with agents. Something still actually, actively there in the back of his mind clocks Adam and Felix, and a few feet later, Mason, all getting checked out and looking varying degrees of annoyed.

He sees Adam tilt his head to the pair of ambulances at the far side of the ruins and he’s gone.

“Dex? Declan!” He calls, and now he knows the scratch in his voice is from some tear - can feel it warp in the back of his throat - but he can’t find it in himself to care, about the scratch, about the pain. There’s so much smoke, and char, and blood that he can’t smell or see anything clear and the last thing he’d seen-god, he’d seen Dex-

And then he’s seeing him again. And he’s upright, sitting on the back of the ambulance. He’s breathing, hell, he’s arguing with the medic it looks like, and he’s there and...and…

Dex is on his feet just in time to catch Nate, who only just manages to reign it in enough to collide but not knock them both off their feet. Nate can taste blood in the press of his lips to Dex’s but he doesn’t care - doesn’t care that it’s sending all his senses haywire, doesn’t care that he’s holding Dex tight, because he can feel the bruises purpling up under Dex’s hands on his own skin, doesn’t care that it’s less a kiss and more just needing to feel the man breathe, feel him alive, against him.

Some part of his brain - the part that’s not focused on the breath and the blood and feel of warm skin against his - manages to notice the tense press of fangs against lips and teeth, the harsh clack as Dex presses in closer, seemingly uncaring.

Minutes, hours, seconds later, he feels hands on him, on his face, gently coaxing him away from the kiss and then gently pulling him back in to breath into Dex’s skin at his neck - and he goes with absolutely no resistance, the fight and the adrenaline all but draining out of him at the barest gentle touch and the trust, the absolution, that movement takes, after...after.

There’s an ugly purpling bruise maring his skin there - cutting that beautiful inked rose in half, and Nate shuts his eyes to just enjoy the warmth, and the beat of a pulse still going strong.

He vaguely hears Dex talking - feels it more in the rumble of his voice, pressed this close to his throat. Hears a squeak of an affirmative from somewhere off to his right, then footsteps leading away.

“Mm...you’re worrying the baby medics you know…” And it’s low, and rough, and there’s this rasp that makes Nate wrap his arms tighter around him. He knows it’s too tight. Can’t seem to make himself let go.

And Dex just curls his fingers in his hair and presses him closer.

It’s that acceptance, that insistence, that helps Nate relax - just a bit. Not enough to pull away. Not enough to let go. But enough to breathe and not taste ash. Enough to breathe, period.

“Where’d you go?” It’s no more than a whisper. He’s almost worried it’s too quiet for Dex to hear - wonders if he can make his jaw work long enough to ask again without something vital breaking in half.

“They pulled me outside. Think they saw shit about to go sideways and decided to run off with the consolation prize.” Before Nate can even react to that, he’s speaking again, fingers tightening ever so slightly in his hair, “And before you even try, they’re already dead. Turns out, explosions are fantastic distractions.” And he...he tries for levity. Misses by a mile, but Nate appreciates the attempt.

“Don’t…” He can’t ask. It’s not possible. It’s not fair. “Don’t do that again.” and it’s said around a broken laugh - or, at least, Nate thinks it’s a laugh.

“I’ll come back.”

It’s not the truth, because they can’t know.

But it’s not a lie, either. A promise doesn’t have to ring true to be honest. And that will have to be enough.

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