Info about me and my WIPS art and projects as a as a disabled and queer/trans native of color writer artist and creator
Native intro for social media.
Hello.
My Indigenous Pasifika preferred name is No’eau Aitonui Hoata/Heiani Mareva Hoata
If you are Indigenous or Indigenous Pasifika please refer to me by that name
My Vietnamese Kinh name is Ngoc Hien/Xuan Dinh Nguyen
If you are a non native person of color please refer to me by that name
My English/French name is Christian/Jeanne Nguyen
If you are a non native white person you can only refer to me by this name.
Im a Southeast Asian Vietnamese or Kinh Indigenous, European French, East Asian Chinese Hoa, & Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika. I’m an Asian Native Pasifika.
I’m a disabled native of color. I’m autistic, neurodivergent, chronically ill spoonie disabled, & mentally ill disabled.
Im a disabled gamer/streamer. My Playstation tag is warpdriveplanet39. My Xbox tag is Mudaship39. Twitch is mudaship39. I play and stream PS3, PS4, & PS5 games. I play and stream Xbox 360, Xbox One games. I plan to play Xbox Series X games in the future.
I’m a QTIPOC or queer and trans Indigenous person of color. Nonbinary bigender or genderfluid pansexual or omnisexual. Polyam or polyamorous. Maohi/raerae in the middle indigenous third gender. Any and all pronouns. Including neopronouns and indigenous third gender pronons. He/him. She/her. They/them. Xer/xers. Native third gender neutral oña.
Im a writer, creator, & artist. Im an author, comic book writer, screenwriter, spoken word poet, & songwriter.
I’m a Indigenous language keeper, culture keeper, & storykeeper.
I write about racial, sex, cultural identity, sexual orientation, & gender identity in music and poetry.
I write about Black, poc, Indigenous, disabled, and or lgbt characters in disabled, bipoc, and qtipoc futurism.
Im the writer and creator of the precontact and post land back Bipoc and qtipoc futurism project. It’s a hybrid science fiction cyberpunk and magical high fantasy comic books and graphic novels series Chronicles of War.
Basic info is the pinned post of my tumblr. More information is on a google doc on my google drive.
Im the performing artist spoken word poet of the spoken word poetry book Heart of Fire Dragon, Soul of Flame Pheonix, & Sea Fairy Ocean Blood that is about being a disabled native, an Asian Native, a displaced disconnected diaspora, & QTIPOC.
The cut and censored version of it is linked in the pinned tweet on my twitter mudaship39. Uncut and uncensored version is on a google doc on my google drive.
If anyone wants to pay me for the poetry book and or the futurism project as a disabled writer, artist, and creator. Be sure to dm or pm me. There is a specific way to do so as a disabled writer artist and creator.
Be sure to check out my carrd in my bio. It has info on how to contact me for my projects. Info on how to pay me for my art. Info on my other social media accounts if mutuals want to follow me on other social media.
Do you want to read a spoken word poetry anthology book I wrote as an Asian native Pasifika artist who’s a songwriter and spoken word poet? Its called Heart of Fire Dragon Soul of Flame Phoenix and Sea Fairy Ocean Blood. It’s about being a disabled native (autistic, neurodivergent, chronically ill, & mentally ill disabled), a displaced disconnected state side diaspora, being an Asian Native (as a Vietnamese Kinh, French, Chinese Hoa, & Polynesian Tahitian Indigenous Pasifika person of color), & about being a QTIPOC (queer and trans third gender Indigenous person of color). I have been working on it for a long time as a storykeeper, language keeper, and culture keeper. It includes a personal foreword and personal afterword to Indigenous people specifically Polynesian, Micronesian, and Melanesian audiences. The cut and censored version of it is linked in my pinned tweet of my Twitter mudaship39 if you are interested in reading something like this. The uncut and uncensored version of it is on a google doc on my google drive. Need email for google doc invite link. Let me know which version you prefer to read if you're interested in reading something like this. Be sure to like and reblog my pinned post to boost my art to other native of color mutuals.
For the cut and censored version. Go to the pinned tweet. Like and retweet the pined tweet. This is so it gets out to your followers. Use any Indigenous and poc hashtags if you know any. This is so it gets out to others in the poc community and Indigenous community especially those indigenous to turtle island or Indigenous to Pasifika Oceania or Moana. Its also so I can find poc or Indigenous producers and publishers to actually make it into a spoken word poetry book. For the uncut and uncensored version post comments into the google doc itself and leave a review at the end. Let me know if you know anyone else interested in reading something like this. Let me know if know any poc and Indigenous artists especially indigenous to turtle island or Indigenous to Pasifika Oceania or Moana who are willing to draw art for this poetry book.
Im also a writer and creator who writes bipoc, disabled, and qtipoc futurism. I write magical high fantasy and science fiction books, comics, and graphic novels. My bipoc, disabled, and qtipoc futurism project called Chronicles of War. It is a cyberpunk science fiction and magical high fantasy hybrid comic book or graphic novel series. It is precontact and post land back. That is about several disabled, bipoc (or Black Indigenous and or person of color) characters, and qtipoc (or queer and trans indigenous people of color) main characters. One is a Asian pasifika/Afro latine native demigod metahuman and alien hybrid superhuman superhero in a cyberpunk world in the near and far future. The other is an Afro Asian native coded magical human with fae elvish, hobgoblin goblinoid, & giant kin ancestry who’s a spellcaster, swordfighter, and gunslinger adventurer in a magical high fantasy world. Both of them are qtipoc disabled and bipoc. There are other bipoc and qtipoc main characters in other worlds pre contact and post land back. Such as a Sami Indigenous and European Scandinavian coded third gender god/goddess Jotunn Loki. Such as a third gender Afro Indigenous Chickasaw Native Freedman were lion and were leopard hybrid character and her friend a Afro Latine South American Native were jaguar and were cheetah werecat hybrid character. Both of them living in a town of Afro Indigenous Freedman and hybrid humanoid communities. Such as a Central and South American summoners of kaiju or titans based on Nahuatl Quechua and Maya Indigenous mythology. Such as a female Asian and Asian Native half human half firebird and lighting bird monk fighter. Such as a Indigenous Pasifika sea pirate. It has Black, Native, poc, queer, trans, & disabled representation. It has Indigenous and indigenous pasifika representation too actually. If that’s something you are into. Need email for google doc invite link also if you are also into this.
If anyone wants to pay me for the poetry book and or the futurism project as a disabled writer artist and creator. Be sure to dm or pm me. There is a specific way to do so as a disabled writer artist and creator.
Cover art of the Spoken Word Poetry Book: Heart of Fire Dragon Soul of Flame Phoenix and Sea Fairy Ocean Blood:
Upcoming project once i find cast crew and a studio and network to green light it: Modern take movie about Medusa and her blind lesbian love interest. With more diverse characters since modern take with disabled, queer trans, and bipoc representation like my other wips and projects.
Polynesian Micronesian and Melanesian sports anime or cartoon. Each season being about different Pasifika sport. Volleyball football ruby rowing or canoeing sailing. Each season with different main characters. Characters from past seasons returning in cameos. Gay volleyball with a vahine femme main character about a pasifika girl in varsity hs volleyball. Hawaiian or Tahitian and her partner is Tongan or Samoan.
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today she traced the crevices of my palms with black pen.
it was the most liberating pain i’ve ever felt
the most pleasurable restriction.
she drew my fingerprints as spirals and i could feel my heart start circulating and my brain stop.
my hand looked like a cartoon
and i realized i’ve never felt real in my life
even now with her, nothing was real
the only real feeling was the self disgust at the fact that i couldn’t replicate the same tracings on her palms
even if i drew the same way she did it wouldn’t be the same
because she had already traced her own left hand, and i knew i would never be right for her
her left hand even had the remains of her polydactyly traced and it looked like a fermata which made me only think about how long i wanted to hold her
her mother always nags her for drawing on her skin because she thinks that the toxins will leak into her bloodstream and slowly kill her
i wouldn’t mind though for either of us
if that’s how i leave this life at least i live on as a permanent bored doodle on my palms
that’s all i am
today she traced the crevices of my palms with black pen
today i was silently established as a permanent state of being: never hers.
that’s all i am and the restriction is still pleasurable but in the way that barbed wire around your neck manages to scratch the itch you had while it slices your throat and exposes your toxin-filled blood to the air leaving you to rub it off with your pen-coated palms
the ink and blood will wash off my hands but still leave the trace of my permanence
never hers
that’s all i am
soon the permanence will die, and i will no longer be marked as never hers.
but i have to be marked that way if it means i keep any connection with her
soon the permanence will die, and i can only beg to go with it
before it’s too late
too late for her
that’s all i am
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Contradictions
“Favorites are hard to have when your very being is twisting and turning and merging and—
Constantly in flux, never one or the other.
Always something new,
never the same.
I can never pin it down,
not really.
Not in a way that we could understand.
Bluish yellow and purplish orange and all the
colors that don’t exist.
A kaleidoscope of contradictions and
things that don’t make sense.”
Full image description below
[image ID: A poem on a background of mixed purple, blue, yellow, cyan, green, and orange with spiraling patterns and shapes in charcoal like lines. Poem text reads “Favorites are hard to have when your very being is twisting and turning and merging and— Constantly in flux, never one or the other. Always something new, never the same. I can never pin it down, not really. Not in a way that we could understand. Bluish yellow and purplish orange and all the colors that don’t exist. A kaleidoscope of contradictions and things that don’t make sense.” End text. Copyright in bottom left corner reads “Alitsanosga Nebulae @spaceysoupy” pronounced Ah Lee Zah No-Shh Gah. End text end image description]
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treadmill jaws.
TW: suicidal ideation (metaphorical), gory imagery, crude language
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You should dig through
My cuts
Stained a shiny pink
Like you took your favorite
Lipstick
All over my legs
To remind my body
That im never over, that
Im a treadmill jaw
Chewing everybody up
To a stale gum wall
I want you to wash me clean
Cause everybody in this town is
So fuckin mean
Put your fingers all over me
Till i feel like a man
Cause ill lip sync all my words and still be man enough
Im quiet with a punk scene in my brain, so,
Tell me that im tough
While you stick laundry detergent
In my guts
Tell me that im a treadmill jaw;
My tongue is so fast moving
And brushburn inducing
A veldt of carpet-taste-buds
Its like my lips pucker up to say too much
And say nothing at all
In a dream-scene, my tongue is an underwater-kind-of-silence.
Am i a modern disease or a bubonic plague?
I'm not a narcissist,
Im a fraud
Im not a baby,
Im a god.
And cause i know ill lose it all
To the drugs in my head, to my dopamine and
Pudding slimed brain;
A wet sound that hits the pavement
With ideas and
Rebellion
So ill shove these bullet casings
In my ribs like a sower’s seed
I’ll water it with lethargic blue soap and
Sprout quaking aspens; push em’
Right through the skin
Ill be naked
And show off my cuts
Ill be a kid
With skateboard scabs
ill cut off the fat around my hips
In little chicken strips
And my tongue is too loud; churns
out words that cant be heard
But god, i cant stop my fire
Ill shove it in my treadmill jaw
Cook it in all my acid
And i wont be a liar, ill really make it silent.
And because i am a poet
Ill serve it for dinner and eat it again
At a big table
The girl ive kissed will watch me eat
With blood in her teeth
So that i know im not the only one with canines
That bleed
pork rines
And girl-parts
Im still naked
my hip dips are raw
And this silent dinner
Chips my tooth on silver forks
And fetus personalities
Shimmering in my stomach
All these calories speak the language of
My red blood and blue veins
Cause now i know what ill eat next
My fondant tongue
With poprock taper
My treadmill mouth
And quaking aspen cuts
Had me
headless in my mulititude of attitudes
Stuck in your teeth
These dogs from hell dont eat flesh or floss sticks
Just menthol cigarettes and
Kitchen knife knicks
I told you I was shaving
My baby hairs at the wrong angle
If they where longer I could make
Them tangle
And because I am a liar I never really stopped
I just picked my hair right out the drain and shoved it in your face
I hold myself like a loose cannon
Like mace
And half dried toothpaste
Uncomfortably,
In Absolute,
Comfortably,
In an alopecic
Solute
But things grow back- they always do- because Swiss Army knives
Are infants that you blame on the things that you do
______ _______ ______ _____________
_______ _____
_________ ____ ___________
______ _______ ____
_____ __________ _________
_____ _______________ ______ (treadmillmouth)
I keep a gun in my bed
Cause sometimes i wake up
And my veins are stuck in my teeth
So sometimes i know that i’ll need
To shoot my tongue
To keep my anatomy quiet
And then sometimes
I just shoot my brain cause
Maybe I’m just fucking insane
I keep a gun in my bed
To shoot all the words that ive said
That get me high
Without the mary jane
On my pain
Im not a baby,
Im a god
I’m not a poet,
I cant even talk,
I’m a fraud. -Meredith. I am only afraid of nothing in everything.
hi, this is my first post on tumblr so tell me if you like it; thoughts and tips, yk?
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