#queer pepa diaz

[soleadita]

the queer pepa diaz manifesto

alternatively titled: thinking about Them (my queer headcanons for pepa diaz <333)(based on nothing but vibes + wishful thinking.)

so i had this silly little thought and it was gonna stay mostly in my head but @scattered-winter and @xjustonemoremiraclex asked (ty besties <33) so i am delivering.

uh. basically, i think it would be cool if tía pepa was queer, and here’s why:

(1) as far as we know, (i think??) pepa is single.

just off the top of my head, i think about 2x04, when abuela breaks her hip, pepa calls eddie to the hospital, and there's a Childcare Situation. not once is there a mention of there being anyone else who is available to help...like, for example, a partner. of pepa's. and then i also think of 5x17, when eddie, pepa, and chris travel to el paso for ramon's retirement party, where there is, again, no mention of...anyone else who might've been left behind in la.

and okay. look. i'm not saying that every presumably unpartnered older woman must be queer. i'm also not saying that there's anything wrong with being an unpartnered older woman, queer or otherwise.

i am saying, however, that pepa's presumed singleness supports my delusions. <3 and if, in my head, there are two pepas (one with a really badass girlfriend and one who is aroace and single and happy <3333)...well, what about it?

(2) how did pepa end up in la? (this is going to be SO long, but it will connect, i promise. just stay with me.)

okay, look. to accurately explain this, i have to tell you: the geographical locations of the diazes are SOOOOO….*screams* THEY PLAGUE ME (affectionate). I THINK ABOUT THEM ALL THE TIME. like, okay, why are pepa and abuela in la while ramon and helena are in el paso? where did ramon and pepa grow up? did they start out in la and then ramon moved to el paso? did they start out in el paso and then pepa (and abuela) eventually moved to la? whAT IS THE BACKSTORY HERE?

furthermore - were isabel and edmundo born in the united states? did they emigrate from mexico? (what part of mexico?) if they did immigrate to the us, did they settle in la and then ramon moved to el paso, or did they settle in el paso and then pepa (and abuela, eventually) moved to la? maybe they didn't immigrate at all; maybe eddie's ancestors have been in texas longer than texas has been part of the us.

(note: i realize this is splitting hairs to a nearly obnoxious degree, but, look. i cannot tell you all how FASCINATING i find the minutiae of this. i definitely don't have the brainspace right now to explain this the way it deserves to be explained, and maybe i'm not making sense, and maybe i'm talking in circles, but, like. regional differences matter. the year/era in which your family immigrated matters. where they emigrated from matters. where they immigrate to matters. socioeconomic status matters. it's absolutely wild to me, for example, that my dad's family immigrated to california’s central valley from michoacán and worked in the fields a la the circuit; and they have cultural differences compared to other families in my hometown who are from the same place in mexico but landed in a different part of california and in completely different occupations.

anyway, all that to say, if i spend too much time thinking about cultures and subcultures and the way some things are different based on region and some things are the same no matter what and the tiny differences in food preparation and recipes and desserts and childhood snacks and tamales (DO NOT GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON THE TAMALES) and slang, and the way all these things interact…i explode my brain. IT'S JUST. SOOOO COOL.

and yeah maybe i’m being overdramatic and silly. this is just humanity. but like. humanity is cool!?)

so, anyway. i've been chewing on this for the last six months or so, and i finally landed on this: abuela isabel and abuelo edmundo immigrated to el paso, where pepa and ramon grew up; pepa moved to la for some reason; and then, when abuelo died, abuela moved to la to live with pepa. this also, i thought, could explain why abuela moves back to el paso (offscreen…hgggghhh). maybe the move to la was never meant to be permanent, maybe she has more family in el paso that she wanted to be close to again, maybe it started becoming too much for her to maintain her own house, etc.

(note: this doesn’t totally account for what we learned in 6x07—after abuelo died, abuela almost lost the house, ramon and pepa stepped in to help, etc, which seems to imply that abuelo AND abuela were living in LA. anyway, i mentally constructed all of this pre-“cursed” and haven’t gone back to rebuild with the new info yet.)

(another note: my original headcanon was that abuela and pepa were sisters instead of mother and daughter, and that abuela moved to la to stay with her sister after abuelo died (yeah, eddie calls her tía pepa, but so what? i have a tía cuca who's technically my great-aunt). i was aware this was far-fetched, but, idk, i have such a fucking soft spot for adult sisters saying, "fuck tradition, fuck societal norms, fuck expectations, let's be single and besties and housemates." anyway, then i remembered that in 5x17, pepa explicitly calls abuela "mami" and refers to ramon as her brother. so, i scrapped that, but the concept is still beloved to me.)

(2.5) which finally brings me back to my original question: how did pepa end up in la?

i'm trying to think of a way to put my thought process here into writing. i'll start with: latinx families are not a monolith, chicanx families are not a monolith, immigrant families are not a monolith, every family and every person and every situation is different, etc. that said, from my **experiential and very anecdotal** knowledge of my family and family friends, our parents and tias and tios around pepa's age and generation stayed somewhat close-ish to their families of origin.

and, again, obviously, this is not the case for everyone. and i don't want to make sweeping generalizations about the diaz family based on my very specific, very tiny, very unscientific sample size. but!! it did make me wonder!!!

so. if i’m operating under the assumption that isabel and edmundo raised their children in el paso, and pepa grew up there, why does she live in la as an adult? what compelled her to move away from her hometown, from (what i presume was) an established emotional support system, from a place where she is known and a place that knows her back? and not just out of el paso, but out of texas, to a city that is states away and over a 12 hour drive?

so, yeah. i feel like after all that buildup, i should have something more substantial to say, but basically, i propose that pepa moved away from home to BE GAY IN LA!!!!! <3333 (and maybe to go to college or something. maybe she was somehow involved in the chicano movement. <3)

(3) i’ve been feeling extra soft thinking about queerness and family and ancestors lately.

disclaimer: this is conjecture and projection; this is me getting (perhaps too?) personal and sentimental; it's very much based on my own personal experiences, and it's not meant to be representative of anything else.

lately, i've been thinking about this: my dad, as far as i know, is not queer. (and this is not about me secretly thinking he is. i don’t think that, for the record.) but i look at him as an aging adult who is just now getting to know himself better. he's in therapy. he’s realizing he's probably neurodivergent (now that his kids are being diagnosed, lmao). he's figuring out how to have a life that doesn’t revolve around working and meeting everyone else's needs before his own. he laughs more. he's funny. he's such a good dad, and i'm so fucking proud of him. but sometimes i wonder - how would his life have been different, if he'd had the resources to start doing this earlier?

i don't know. i could say so much more. i could talk about how immigrants (and particularly older, nonwhite immigrants who work certain types of jobs) are often dehumanized across all mainstream media forms. i could talk about how they're often portrayed as stern and stoic and self-sacrificing and not as humans with thoughts and feelings and people who love them. i could talk about how this fucking country sucks the life out of people, how you're expected to give all your energy to the economy, to your employer, and it's still not enough, oftentimes, to have resources for living. for thriving.

and then i think about this: under these circumstances, when you're doing everything you can just to keep yourself alive...would you know you're queer?

some people do. i know that, that some people just know, and i love that. i think that's beautiful.

i might not have ever known, though. i needed to do deep-dive googling. i needed to separate myself from my family of origin (ideologically, at least) and unlearn the christian homophobic shit i'd been raised in. i needed to have some semblance of independence before i could explore other possibilities, because as a child, as an adolescent, as a dependent on my parents, i was living under the crushing weight of "i need to be this certain way, so that i know for sure i will be loved and cared for."

and, like...not everyone has the option or the resources or the time or the safety to do all that.

i've also been thinking about this: of my siblings, 3/4 of us are queer. i have too many cousins and second cousins and aunts and uncles to count, and sometimes, at family gatherings, i look around and go, i just know more of us are queer. i know we had queer ancestors. there's just...no way that we didn't. and i just...i don't know. i wonder about them? i wonder if they knew? i wonder if they just assumed everyone else felt like this too, and buried it and kept living life by the prescribed roles. did they rebel? did they challenge heteronormativity in tiny ways, ways that others may have never noticed but that felt personally significant? maybe they never got married. maybe they were forced into marriages they never wanted. maybe they never knew there was another way and found someone they could stand being around and just...ya know. did the thing, because it was the thing to do for survival.

so...i guess i just think. and this is where the projection comes in, because this is so about me being in my own feels, but. i don't know. this is partly why i love thinking about the possibility of a queer pepa. not even in canon, because, yeah, i understand that calling her a side character is generous at best, and who knows if we'll ever see her onscreen again. but just...in my head? in my imagination? what if an older latina, an older mexican american woman, was allowed to embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-actualization that, in media, is so often reserved for young, beautiful, messy people of a certain race and class?

i just.... <3333 wouldn't that be...something?

(4) i just think it would be sweet, ok?

i know it's not like this for everyone. i know friendships and found family is just as tender and sacred. but, on god, my life changed when i found out there are other queer people in my immediate family. other people who just know how it might've felt to grow up queer in your specific cultural context. to grow up unsure and lost and maybe a little repressed and maybe a lot scared. to grow up with religious parents who might not approve or understand (maybe they will, maybe they won't, but how do you know for certain until it's too late to take it back? and how do you cope with that hanging over your head?). it's such a fucking relief!!

my relationship with my queer younger siblings is one of my favorite things in the entire world. and, like, yeah, we’ve been emotional and moral supports for each other, but i’ve also just learned so much about queerness from them. comp het? yeah. classic lesbian ~cinema~? yeah. fuck, they’re the ones who taught me about gender dysphoria and who first talked to me about gender envy. they’re literally the reasons why i know so much more about myself.

so anyway, part of the queer pepa brainrot started because i was imagining something like that for eddie. something where he comes out, and he finds out that this cherished person in his life who has known him and loved him since he was born, who has helped care for his child, who helped make LA a home for him...is also like him? that she gets it? that she understands?

and i just...kept thinking.

maybe eddie has his Queer Realization and eventually comes out to chris and abuela and pepa. and maybe pepa didn't really know she was queer before then. maybe when eddie comes out and starts explaining, things start clicking for her. maybe she learns things from him. maybe he learns things from her. maybe in june, they go to pride together.

or maybe she’s known for a long time. maybe later, she pulls him aside. "i didn't want to take away from your moment, mijo," she says, "but - me too. me too." or maybe she shares it right there, in that moment, so that chris is included. maybe the next night, chris and abuela bake and decorate the most rainbow-covered, pride-filled cake to ever exist.

and maybe she’s already told abuela.

maybe, decades ago, they sat at the kitchen table for breakfast, and over a plate of eggs and salsa and tortillas, pepa finally mustered up the courage to tell her mami. maybe her hands shook so badly she almost spilled her coffee. maybe isabel read the apprehension on her daughter's face, reached out and steadied her fingers, and told pepa she will always love her, that there is nothing wrong with her, that there is nothing to be ashamed of. and then maybe they held each other and cried, and it was beautiful.

in conclusion: the end.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💖💜🤍🖤

[hirakiyois]

do you think ryan's eye started twitching when he moved from the episode 13 script to the episode 14 script knowing damn well he was going to whorify eddie in 13

[cranberrymoons]

my personal lived truth is that eddie diaz is originally introduced as a queer character and if he wasn't always supposed to be buck's love interest, then maybe at first it was meant as an intentional misdirect for when you meet shannon, but Eddie in 2A is a gay man. buck clocks him, pepa clocks him, women aren't his type, diagnosed Coparenting With A Man by a christmas elf. that man is gay.

[daniclaytcn]

neethu!!! if you'd like to.....please tell me all about your supportive ramon diaz hcs 👀

omg i don't have a lot of them but this is what i think:

at first when eddie comes out to him, ramon assumes that he's dating buck. he'd already had his suspicions from how they were together, but this basically confirms it for him—until eddie tells him otherwise, and ramon is mildly disappointed because eddie seemed really happy with buck.

he gets his bearing quickly, though, and instantly teams up with tia pepa to try and set eddie up with the nice queer mexican sons of all their friends. pepa tries her luck in LA, and whenever eddie. returns to el paso, ramon is waiting with a list of eligible bachelors

ramon learns how to use the internet properly so he can do a deep-dive on the queer community and appropriate terms and lingo, etc. he tries out his newfound knowledge on eddie the next time he calls and eddie laughs so hard he cries.

he doesn't want eddie to think that he's not 100% supportive so he definitely over-corrects and is overly enthusiastic about everything until eddie tells him that he gets it and he doesn't need to be so worried.

when buck and eddie finally get together, ramon immediately starts planning their wedding in his head and drops not-so-subtle hints on buck whenever they meet about making an honest man out of eddie.

helena is just vaguely bemused by it all idk

[hippolotamus]

✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

Words and Fics

106,205 words published to ao3

2 fandoms (9-1-1 and Schitt's Creek)

Most recent drop: it's tempawrary (SC | 3.2k | Teen)

Longest fic: Whatever may come (your heart I will choose) (Buddie | 77.4k | Mature)

Top Fics by Kudos

for the record (Buddie | 2.4k | T)

I know all your secrets (SC | 4.7k | E)

if this love is pain (let's hurt tonight) (Buddie | 3.2k | T)

Whatever may come (Buddie | 77.4k | M)

all in the Jee-tails (Married Buddie | 4.5k | T)

My fandom fic events in 2023

One entry for @911ficletsnotnovels (Madney)

Upcoming Events and Projects for 2024

well, what I hope to achieve in 2024 anyway... let's not get too crazy

finish and publish:

praying to god one day you'll be mine - Buddie oneshot(?) 9 y/o Eddie asks his best friend in the world, Evan, on a date with the encouragement of Tia Pepa. After, the Diaz parents shame the hell out of him for it. As an adult Eddie really wants to ask Buck out but has to overcome all of his childhood queer grief to do so. (okay maybe I'm being optimistic about this being a oneshot... god knows I can't shut up when it comes to queer feels and grief)

come close (let me be home) - a Buddie Bridgerton au with Eddie as Viscount Anthony Bridgerton and Buck as Kate Sharma overseeing Maddie finding a new husband.

you're where i wanna go - Buddie historical au that is set mostly in the 1900's with some travels back to 1899, and forward to 1969. Buck and (single, childless, never been married) Eddie meet in 1899 when Buck is traveling after Maddie leaves. They are later separated and Buck marries Lucy (for reasons that have nothing to do with love and everything to do with queerplatonic goodness). Years later Eddie returns with Christopher...

with my heart in my lap - Twylexis historical au. Alexis and Twyla get together in August 1939, just before Canada enters WWII. Alexis leaves for college but returns almost immediately because teachers, students, etc have left the school to join the war. When she comes home Twyla isn't there. Alexis goes traveling around and ultimately lands in New York. While browsing a junk shop she comes across a necklace she gave to Twyla when they got together and begins a search to find her lost love.

And if I’m super lucky/ambitious

the darkest fairytale - Buddie magic au with witch!Eddie and cat familiar!Buck

run to the water (and find me there) - Buddie au. Kid Eddie is saved by merperson!Buck after a wave knocks him under the water. They reconnect when Eddie moves to LA as an adult.

rules and tags below the cut

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

tagged by @exhuastedpigeon @monsterrae1 @underwater-ninja-13 thank you loves 😘

no pressure tagging @disasterbuckdiaz @daffi-990 @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @stereopticons @blackandwhiteandrose @rmd-writes @vanillahigh00 @apothecarose LOML @lizzie-bennetdarcy @jamespearce9-1-1 @jesuisici33 @buddierights @watchyourbuck @thewolvesof1998 @giddyupbuck @statueinthestone @spotsandsocks @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @wikiangela @loserdiaz @heartshapedvows @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @smblmn @ramonaflow @pirrusstuff @welcometololaland @your-catfish-friend @steadfastsaturnsrings @hoodie-buck and anyone else who wants to play 💞

[eddiediazismyhusband]

Me reading the bit you shared about the 🙅🏻‍♀️ fic: PEPA OH MY GOD YESSSSSSS 💕💕💕

Sorry I just really love the idea of the Diaz family being close with Buck 😅

THE PEPA & BUCK SCENE IS MY SECOND FAVORITE IVE WRITTEN FOR THIS FIC AND ITS STILL NOT FINISHED (i only have like a few more lines of dialogue/prose to finish the chapter but) BUT I LOVE THE IDEA OF PEPA BEING SUPPORTIVE OF BUCK

(although the duality of humankind is me writing pepa as initially opposing eddie’s queerness in the nurse!eddie fic bc of an src later in the story meanwhile she’s buddie champion #1 in this one…. dw the nurse!eddie fic is NOT anti-pepa, she just has some undisclosed trauma that eddie doesn’t know about 👀👀👀)

[extasiswings]

i really loved how pepa was all "marriage, who said anything about marriage?" when that was immediately where eddie's head went about one fix-up. and pepa was basically like "i just want you to have someone to run errands with on your saturdays". lol (i wonder who that could be eddie)

anyway, i love hearing your thoughts so i was wondering what you thought about eddie immediately connecting dating to marriage and kind of panicking about it? where's his head at with that?

Oh, I love this question, I'm kissing you on the forehead for asking this, nonny.

So, as with all things Eddie Diaz, because he is a funny funny repressed queer little man who should be studied under a microscope, the answer is: it's complicated, and there are Layers.

On the absolute most surface level, I don't think it's an unreasonable logical leap in cultural context to assume if your family is setting you up it's not so you can have a casual fling, it's with an end goal of getting you married off.

Diving a little deeper, I think he also jumps to marriage because Serial Monogamist Eddie Diaz simply has zero conception of or experience with casual dating and non-serious relationships. And also, I think in his heart of hearts, what he wants (but is afraid of having) is a serious relationship. He wants a great grand forever love with a real romantic life partner! And "marriage" is the state that's traditionally emblematic of that, a serious, legally-binding commitment to share your life with someone. (And his heart already knows there's a specific person he wants as his partner, even if it's a little unclear what his head knows at the moment, so at least some of the kneejerk reaction against letting in anyone new is that he's taken).

But. Again, it's complicated. Because "marriage" for Eddie is...fraught.

On a still deeper level, that leap for me ties back to Christopher. It has to. Because all of the what-ifs of Eddie's life, the FOMO, the unanswered questions about who he is or could be...they all lead back to him. (Catch me screaming forever about Christopher's "the things that make you sad, am I one of them?"). And it's pointed that we know so very little about Eddie's life before Christopher, about his hopes and dreams, the kind of life he wanted for himself, the kind of man he wanted to be, but at the same time the little we do know, especially in the context of this arc is loud.

Because the only thing we know about Eddie and relationships pre-Christopher is Shannon. And while we don't know how Eddie and Shannon's relationship was before everything fell apart, while we never got to see it, it's implied at least that before she got pregnant, before they got married too young and too soon, their relationship worked, they were happy, they were in love. One of the few things Eddie says explicitly, unequivocally, about her/them/his feelings from back then, is "I knew I loved her, but I didn't think I was ready to get married." But he did. Because of Christopher.

For Eddie, being a husband and being a father are two sides of the same coin. They're states that were inherently connected in his early life, they're roles that carry so much weight, so many responsibilities, expectations, pressure to perform. They're roles that he was forced to take on before he was ready, and his fear of failure, his performance anxiety, became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There's really something to the idea that Eddie and Shannon both lost themselves when she got pregnant. That both of them fell into the trap of letting the people they were be erased, so that he could no longer be Eddie, but Christopher's dad and Shannon's husband, and she became Christopher's mom and Eddie's wife, and because they lost themselves, they also lost what they had together before, and hurt each other. He ran away, and then she did, and where once they had uncomplicated young love, they were left with broken hearts, broken trust, guilt, shame, grief...and all of that is connected with Marriage. Doubly-so for Eddie, because he came back and learned how to be a father, how to get comfortable with that so he was no longer just playing a role he wasn't ready for, but when he decided that he was ready to step in and open himself up again and be a husband for real...Shannon was the one who asked for a divorce. And her entire point was that she needed to do exactly what he did, she needed to get comfortable with being a mother before she could also be a wife, lest she risk failing at both, but all Eddie took away from that was that she was rejecting him as a romantic partner, as a husband specifically, that there was something wrong with him, and because she died so soon after that, he never got the chance to get clarification, to realize that he was capable.

Eddie + Fear is the big theme swirling around his development in general, but his love life in particular (similar to Buck + Death). He's allowed fear to control his whole life. Fear of not fitting what he thought he had to be leading him to smother his individuality when he became a husband and father. Fear of failure leading him to join the military and run to the other side of the world. Fear of being hurt again leading him to keep Shannon at arm's length. Fear of not giving Christopher what he needed leading him to get involved with Ana even though he knew he wasn't ready (and literally said as much!). And now fear of the unknown and also fear of the same rejection and heartbreak and pain he felt with Shannon (both within their relationship and because of her death) keeping him from admitting what and who his heart really wants now...

Anyway, this massively got away from me, but...yeah...Eddie + Love, Eddie + Fear, Eddie + Marriage, all tying together in one lovely journey of queer adult self-discovery. It's Something.

[fruitjedi]

Send me to Hell my love

so instead of writing chapter seven of unmatched I wrote this buddie fic. enjoy

Evan “Buck” Buckley knew he loved Eddie Diaz. He knew that and he knew that he more than loved Eddie. But accepting that was harder on a fundamental level. Since he was tiny Buck had been told by his parents that queer people were “bad” or “evil”. So since he was small Buck knew he couldn’t be one of them, he couldn’t be queer, he couldn’t be evil.

That was before Eddie Diaz came along with his sweet smile like fresh-made honey and his adorable son who stole Bucks's heart. But Buck couldn’t be queer. He just couldn’t. He’d been raised that it was so bad and he didn’t want to be bad. So he threw himself into straight relationships. He liked those too. This could work.

Or so Buck thought. Soon Eddie was everywhere. He was ingrained in Buck’s life. He was Buck’s partner both in and out of work. But Buck couldn’t be queer. He couldn’t.

That’s why at 11 pm late on a Friday night (After movie night had ended) Buck showed up at Maddie’s sobbing,  just absolutely, completely broken.

Maddie was barely able to make out something about Eddie and evil. So once her brother calmed down she asked him to elaborate.

“My feelings for Eddie aren’t right. They always said boys like girls and girls like boys and god forbid you switch from one to other and- god Maddie I’m so broken”

Maddie thought for a moment. Their parents had definitely messed Buck up good. “Evan, Aren’t you friends with Hen and Karen? How would you feel if someone called them broken?”

“That’s different there my friends. I loved them no matter what. I’d defend them of course I would but what does that have to do with anything”

Maddie sighed and patted her brother on the shoulder “Don’y you consider yourself to be a friend?”

Buck didn’t have an answer for that. 

“Wait,” Maddie said remembering “isn’t tonight movie night? Why aren’t you at Eddie’s”

Buck broke down in tears “I kissed him, Maddie. I kissed him and it was so wrong of me I’m gonna go to hell, and I’m gonna be evil, and I’m gonna lose Eddie, and Mom and Dad are gonna sever whatever’s left of our relationship.”

Oh. Maddie thought. He was scared their parents would hate him and he was scared his best friend would leave him. Her little brother was scared  This was gonna be harder than just citing he had queer friends. “Evan, It’ll be ok, He’s not gonna hate you he’s probably worried, And about our parents screw what they think they fucked us up good and they don’t deserve to be in our lives if their not gonna support who you love”

“I know I just don’t want to give up on them,” Buck said after a while 

“I know, but you’ve given them so many chances and they really overdid it this time”

Buck and Maddie talked for a while longer before eventually Buck pulled himself together and by 3 am he was knocking on Eddie's door. To Buck’s surprise, he opened it almost instantly.

“You have a key,” Eddie said exhausted 

Buck nodded and looked at his shoes “I know, I just thought after everything that happened-”

Eddie interrupted him “Yeah what was that it looked like you had a panic attack, I was worried about you”

Buck smiled “Your.. you're not mad I kissed you?”

“No, why would I be?”

Buck took a deep breath “Cause we’re both guys”

Eddie smiled “Yeah and? I like guys Buck. Remember that guy Pepa set me up with Robin?”

Buck looked sheepishly at the ground “I thought that was a girl”

Eddie shook his head and walked closer “Are you mad you kissed me?”

Buck’s eyes started to tear up at how well Eddie knew him “Yeah, I ran to Maddie’s. I got freaked out”

“But your back home now”

Buck beamed at the thought of Eddie’s house being home “Yeah, I am”

“Good” Eddie took bucks hand and lead him to his bedroom “No sleeping on the couch tonight mi amor”

Buck looked around at the room and the man smiling at him, holding his hand and grounding him. “Yeah, no more couch ever”

[eddiediazismyhusband]

OP i completely agree but I am gonna hijack your post for a minute to add in my two cents:

what if it’s the diazes asking christopher this question and christopher goes “well, he’s like my dad but he’s not… dad’s my dad… so buck is my buck.”

and the diaz parents are just like “wtf” and they ask what he means by buck is like his dad, and chris starts telling them about everything buck’s done for him and eddie over the years and he ends his explanation by mentioning the will and they’re both like “the WHAT?”

and that’s what sparks the will conversation and we get ramon and helena both ebing confused about it, helena on the defensive as always and ramon actually trying to hear eddie out

especially if this is after a conversation w pepa or abuela about how eddie was always such a ‘sensitive little boy ™️’ but that his parents had changed him by expecting him to grow up too quickly which sparks a conversation about eddie having a queer uncle who always doted on him (eddie not remembering him) and how eddie always reminded abuela or pepa of him before he passed away and ramon/helena tried to erase his existence from their kids’ lives

we then get eddie questioning why he was so similar to his uncle, PLUS eddie starting to question why he wants buck to be chris’s guardian, and he talks to frank about it and frank goes “i know what you are 👁️👄👁️” and BAM we get feelings realization

then after he spirals for an episode, coming to terms with his feelings for buck as well as the idea of figuring out his sexuality in his 30s, he has a heart to heart with ramon that kind of finishes resolving their reconciliation arc, meanwhile helena is still helena-ing™️ over everything and it results on her saying something akin to “dragging christopher down” and chris OVERHEARS and gets angry and that is the catalyst for him returning to LA- still upset with eddie, their own tension not yet resolved, but they finally started down that road, and it sets up a whole arc for eddie accepting that buck is what completes his family, whether he has him romantically or not, and that helps heal the rift with chris…

but then we get buck having his own simultaneous arc of wondering about his place in their lives when someone points it out- he starts to recontextualize his entire relationship with eddie under the lens of his recently discovered bisexuality and has his own “oh shit” moment that sparks some more drama w buck having to navigate this realization while still thinking eddie is straight and realizing the risks that these feelings had on his relationship with eddie and we possibly get a mini-divorce era (no longer than like 2, maybe 3 episodes, nothing too drastic and crazy) where buck only spends time with christopher and eddie thinks that buck somehow found out about his feelings for him and blames himself for the awkwardness, while buck thinks the same thing (although slightly different circumstances) and it’s not until they’re working a bad fire and eddie slips up and says something along the lines of “you better come back to me” and then later on after shift, they’re in eddie’s kitchen and buck asks what eddie meant by what he said, and eddie is all like “what hahaha i didn’t say anything who said anything?” and buck is like “when you said it, i registered it as you telling me to come back to you and christopher, but you said come back to me, so what did you mean” and cue soft quiet love confession scene in eddie’s kicthen and eddie is crying and apologizing for making things awkward and then we see buck be the one to take the step (having worked through his apprehension to taking the risk) and kisses eddie super softly and the episode ends with them looking at each other for a moment before smiling.

anyway, sorry again op for hijacking your post but you gave me so many thoughts that i had to write down omg

I need an episode where someone asks why Chris calls Buck “his Buck” and not “Uncle Buck” or plain old “Buck.” And I want to see Eddie grasping at straws trying to find a platonic answer for it.

[katiecomma]

Prompted by a chat with @lavendersblues

I’ve said this before (so many times) but I’m gonna scream it into the void this time.

9-1-1 is huge on personal plotlines.

You know what’s a great personal plotline that is rarely done, and I’ve never seen in prime time media? A guy in his 30’s having a sexuality crisis.

Just let Eddie Diaz have his sexuality crisis. He’s got queer support around him to talk to (how amazing would it be for Eddie to ask Hen for advice, and have them connect a little more on screen!?) and he’s got the most supportive and perfect boyfriend/husband there to support him and get him through it.

Just let Eddie Diaz be queer.

A plotline like this is important because a lot of media portrays sexuality as something everyone figures out when they’re a teenager. And then you’re set for life. But that’s just not the way it works. Especially with someone like Eddie who got married really young and went into service and had a kid… he was overwhelmed with life and maybe never had a chance to explore that part of himself. There are a LOT of people out there who never figured things like this out until late in life. Some who still haven’t. So showing someone like Eddie going through that struggle is very important representation that is VERY under explored.

My favourite version of this is Eddie at a family event with Abeual and Pepa. Eddie is helping Pepa with some set up or something… putting out food etc… Buck is in the background playing with Chris and the other kids. Pepa makes a comment like: “It’s too bad you’re not gay like your cousin Diego. Buck would make a wonderful father.” Abuela looks over at Buck and Chris, smiles, and agrees. And BAM Eddie just about faints.

It lets us know that the family that’s most important to him (Pepa and Abuela) are supportive of queer family members, and also of the idea of Eddie being queer, so it sets out that acceptance RIGHT away which would take a lot of the pressure/worry off of Eddie about it. It also implies that Buck is around often enough with the family for Pepa to see how he is with Chris regularly. AND it shows that Eddie’s family would be supportive of Buck as a choice.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

The balloons in little texas but, did eddie go back for a party?, I wonder if they're fighting him being a firefighter again/the will

Hey Nonnie

it very much looks like Eddie goes to Texas for a party!

As for what the heated discussion they seem to be having is about - we can only speculate - but we can have fun doing that!!

Eddie returning to firefighting is likely to be a big thing - I can see the Diaz parents not being happy about that - we'll get the whole 'you changed jobs to be safe, for Christopher' etc etc etc.

I really don't know if I want the will to be brought up or not - I kinda like the fact that it seems to be this secret thing between Eddie and Buck, it gives it this intimate and magical quality thats hard to describe.

However I can absolutely see Eddie bringing it up in the heat of the moment as part of a larger conversation about his queerness and Christophers care and Buck being family to Eddie and Chris.

I also don't think I want Ramons heart attack (or what ever it ends up being) to come about as a result of Eddie coming out in some way - as part of a larger arguement maybe, but not the sole reason - on the one hand I can see it happening in that way as it ties into the seasons raison d'être - listening to and following your heart and the risk to your very being if you don't and I guess it is an interesting parallel between Eddie thinking he was having a heart attack at the beginning of the season - his heart and brain giving him the opportunity to correct his course and put his needs first, versus the idea of maintaining course and bending to external whims.

But part of me just feels like Ramon having a heart attack because his son comes out as Queer is a bit of a cop out and does a disservice to Eddie and the story 911 are telling.

What I do think is interesting from that tiny clip is the positioning of the characters - Pepa being central in the frame, with her and Isabel close to Eddie, while Helena is distant and Ramon is positioned in a way that he is almost turning away from Eddie - it feels to me very much like Ramon and Pepa arguing and Ramon trying to close Eddie out of the conversation - pepa may very well be defending Eddie in someway. She is wearing bright yellow ochre though so what ever she is saying is important for us to listen to becasue yellow is communication!

[imharnaannesta]

911 fic ideas I’m probably never going to write….

- Stripper!Buck Buck started working as a stripper while traveling around (it was a quick way to make a little extra money between jobs) but he honestly started to enjoy it and so he keeps it up on free nights between shifts (and the extra income has come in handy). What happens when the team finds out? (Initially unsupportive!Fire Fam but they get it together eventually) inspired by Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan

- Buck and Eddie are both pretty fluent Spanish speakers (they both have the grammar and pronunciation although significantly different accents)but they have very limited vocabulary overlap. (Eddie spoke Spanish regularly growing up but didn’t have much opportunity as an adult, he has no idea how to talk about things like taxes, rent, he couldn’t buy a house, manage a bank account, etc. in Spanish if his life depended on it. And he has a very limited vocabulary for sex/sexuality. Buck learned Spanish from having to rent an apartment, get a job, manage his money, etc. in Spanish, he also has a pretty solid vocabulary for sex, but not any vocabulary for family, relationships, hobbies, etc.) Basically all Buck and Eddie can talk about in Spanish is food. Hilarity ensues. (Points for Eddie watching Buck comb through a leasing agreement or something in Spanish and being utterly confused but possibly a little turned on)

- The team finds out that Buck spent the bulk of his twenties homeless. (Maybe after a joke about how attached he is to his car?)

- Buck and Eddie get Chris an adaptive bike, family fun is had decorating it to Chris’s liking.

- Taylor finds out about Dr. Wells and goes on a mission to destroy her career. (Buck/Taylor friendship, possible Buck/Eddie romance, supportive!Fire Fam, Taylor being an actually good investigative journalist)

- Fake dating to Queer-platonic marriage!Buck/Eddie. Buck doesn’t like dating, sex is fine (it’s fun, it’s nice) but somehow dating makes him feel dirty, like a liar. But the team all keep pushing for him to get into another relationship after Abby. With the pressure to agree to a blind date with someone the team chose rising Buck turns to the internet to find someone to get them off his back. Single father Eddie Diaz is new to LA and really just wants another adult to talk to, his abuela and Pepa are great but he misses having someone his age around. Too busy to get out and meet people he turns to trying to make friends online. Buck is everything he needs in a friend, nonjudgemental, always ready to help, always free to listen, and he knows LA like the back of his hand, the catch? Buck needs a fake partner to convince his friends to lay off his dating life. And he’s a firefighter, at the station Eddie’s set to join. It’s a terrible idea, sure to end in disaster, but it might just be worth it.

- Alternate first meeting! Buck and Eddie both volunteer cuddling babies in the NICU. They strike up an easy friendship, but when Eddie joins the 118 and Buck feels his place in his family is threatened, will it shake their friendship, or will Buck’s team face the brunt of his insecurities?

- Buck got cancer in his 20s, he’s been cancer free for years when he joins the 118 but he’s keeping a secret from the team, they caught the cancer soon enough to save his life, but not to save his leg. But when Maddie comes back into his life it gets harder to keep that secret, and Maddie has a secret of her own, a family secret that could have saved Buck’s leg. (A “what if keeping Daniel a secret had medical repercussions for Buck” story)

- AU inspired by Cate’s Brother by Maisie Peters. Eddie joins dispatch instead of the fire department, he makes friends with fellow new dispatcher Maddie, bonding over trying to put down new roots in the unfamiliar city. Maddie decides to play matchmaker and introduces Eddie to her brother, Buck, who’s moving in with her after finally leaving Abby’s apartment. (Slight AU where Buck is openly avoiding living alone). Eddie is in love with Buck at first sight, but is Buck ready to commit to a relationship with a single father so soon after Abby?

[hmslusitania]

Just read the new chapter!! PEPA THE REAL MVP!!! In this house we stan Josefina Diaz. Also as someone who was raised Catholic and attendEd midnight mass every Christmas Eve as a kid, I’m mad that you, a non-Catholic, were able to slap me upside the head with memories of that experience in the middle of June. also also Buuuuck stop WORRYING! I promise Eddie is going to still love you and want you when he remembers!! It’s gonna be okay!

also this isn’t just relevant to this chapter but the St. Anthony thing makes me absolutely feral, as a lapsed queer Catholic. do you know he is also the patron saint of lost souls? because he is. you made that lost heterosexuality joke and I almost threw my phone across the room because who do you think I prayed to during my angsty gay crisis of faith phase?? god. i can’t believe this fic dug up all my religious trauma at 9 AM on a Friday morning. fuck off.

Anyways great fic, great chapter

I am so very sorry about invoking your religious trauma I promise I did it by accident (obviously, but you know that). I did not know that St Anthony is also the patron saint of lost souls, but that would make sense.

Buck will learn to stop worrying, I promise. And thank you so much for your lovely comment! 🥰🥰🥰

[entrepalabrasmx]

GIFF PRESENTA EL CICLO “MÁS CINE MEXICANO, POR FAVOR”

Con el apoyo de EFICINE Distribución, el Festival Internacional de Cine Guanajuato exhibirá 6 películas durante 4 meses

El ciclo incluye cine de ficción y documental y se proyectará en Guanajuato, Morelos, Chiapas y Estado de México, en 6 municipios distintos

Con el objetivo de contribuir a la creación de nuevos públicos para el cine mexicano y sumar a la difusión del séptimo arte hecho en territorio nacional, el Festival Internacional de Cine Guanajuato (GIFF), con el apoyo de EFICINE Distribución y ESTAFETA realizará el ciclo Más Cine Mexicano, Por Favor, en cuyo marco se exhibirán 6 películas mexicanas de septiembre a diciembre del 2022.

Las películas que conforman este ciclo representan lo mejor del cine nacional contemporáneo y ofrecen un panorama privilegiado de las inquietudes, valores y talentos que motivan a la industria audiovisual en nuestro país. A continuación, un listado de las 6 cintas que se mostrarán en este esfuerzo por acercar el arte fílmico mexicano a su público natural:

Antes del Olvido, dirigida por Iria Gómez Concheiro, una película que relata la historia de una vecindad en el centro de la Ciudad de México cuyos inquilinos se unen solidariamente para salir de su ensimismamiento y luchar por una causa común ante la amenaza del desalojo.

El documental Cosas que no hacemos, del director Bruno Santamaría, que trata sobre Arturo, un adolescente feliz que vive en un pueblo pequeño de la costa pacífica mexicana y un día se arma de valor para pedir a sus padres que le permitan cumplir su sueño: vestirse como una mujer.

También se exhibirá la película ColOZio, de Artemio Narro, que se ubica unos días antes del asesinato del candidato presidencial Luis Donaldo Colosio, cuando dos amigos reciben una profecía y se embarcan en un viaje para salvarlo.

Asimismo, el documental Las flores de la noche, codirigido por Omar Robles y Eduardo Esquivel, expone las vidas de cuatro chicos queer que enfrentan la heteronormatividad impuesta sobre sus cuerpos. En su amistad florece el manifiesto de identidad y orgullo con el que viven su juventud y proclaman su libertad.

En Distrito Olvido, del director Thom Diaz, los jóvenes que habitan uno de los tantos barrios de la periferia en Monterrey nos relatan su día a día en un lugar donde la juventud mexicana parece cada vez más empujada a la vorágine del rechazo y el sórdido abandono.

En Somos Mari Pepa, del director Samuel Kishi, Álex —un chico de 16 años— tiene distintos objetivos para el verano: crear junto con su grupo de rock una nueva canción, conseguir trabajo y tener su primera experiencia sexual.

El ciclo itinerante Más Cine Mexicano, Por Favor, además de impulsar el reconocimiento y la distribución del cine mexicano de calidad, también busca fortalecer alianzas estratégicas con centros culturales en el país. El ciclo incluye cintas documentales y de ficción, mismas que podrán verse en 6 espacios culturales de 6 municipios. En Guanajuato se tendrán funciones en el Compartimento Cinematográfico de San Miguel de Allende, el Cine La Mina de Guanajuato Capital y la Plaza del Artista de Irapuato; en Morelos el recinto que acogerá esta muestra será Baticine, en Tepoztlán; en Chiapas el ciclo llegará a Kinoki, en San Cristóbal de las Casas; y en el Estado de México la cita será en la Cineteca Mexiquense.

¡Más cine, por favor! giff.mx

@GIFFMX #GIFF2023

[haystarlight]

I posted 4220 times in 2021

358 posts created (8%)

3862 posts reblogged (92%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 10.8 posts.

I added 397 tags in 2021

#uquiz - 177 posts

#bisexual - 63 posts

#lesbian - 25 posts

#queer - 25 posts

#lgbtq - 23 posts

#gay - 20 posts

#the owl house - 17 posts

#sapphic - 16 posts

#incorrect quotes - 16 posts

#nonbinary - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 118 characters

#like i don't like how she's causing luz so much pain and heart ache and i believe luz should stay in the boiling isles

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

No, you don't understand

It's 2021. Gay marriage has only been legal in the state of New York since 2011. 10 years.

So, legally, Holt and Kevin have only been married for 10 years.

And yet, Holt says Kevin has been his husband for 20 years. Because he considers him his husband for as long as they've been living together, no matter what the law says.

Excuse me while I die

614 notes • Posted 2021-09-17 16:16:30 GMT

#4

shout out to Amphibia (and Adventure Time, too) for including subtitles when a character is speaking another language (Anne’s dad speaking Thai, Lady and Lee speaking Korean).

I wish more movies and TV shows did this, specially children’s media.

when I was little, I grew up on a country that mainly spoke Spanish, it was the only language I knew. but, then, I started watching My Little Pony in English with Spanish subtitles and that really helped me learn English. I started reading faster and faster and, eventually, I didn’t need the subtitles anymore. 

whoever made those Youtube videos of the MLP episodes with the color coded subtitles is my fucking hero and I don’t even remember what channel it was. 

I want English-speaking kids to have subtitles when a character speaks another language, it helps the story so much and removes the barrier between people.

I seriously hope that other children’s media follows suit. I want there to be subtitles when Camila Noceda speaks Spanish, when General Amaya speaks ASL (when The Dragon Prince comes back in 100 years).

I hate it when the captions just say “(Speaking Spanish)” instead of actually telling you what the characters are saying. how hard is it? “(Spanish) Don’t worry, everything will be okay!” “(Spanish) Nothing will work, unless I make it work!”. there, I did it.

TLDR; subtitles aren’t bad. most people can read and they don’t mind them. scrath that, they need them. if anyone doesn’t like subtitles, for whatever weird reason, they can just ignore them.

689 notes • Posted 2021-10-04 15:44:51 GMT

#3

Florida Girl Goes Missing For 3 Months Comes Back With Alien Found Family And Proof Of A Multiverse

783 notes • Posted 2021-05-22 14:02:04 GMT

#2

Shout out to Tía Pepa who:

1. Is a light skinned white passing latina in an animated movie made by yankees. Not a lot of light skinned white passing latinos in movies like these. The only other one I can think of is Angie Diaz (Marco's mom from Star vs the forces of evil).

2. She's 50 and she has a 5 year old son so the math tells me she got pregnant at 44, which is badass. Getting pregnant at all is badass but like, most women at 44 are going through menopause and shit.

3. Is just really funny and expressive and her design and everything, she's sooooooo cool.

4. Having just the best relationship with her husband. I love watching them dance during We Don't Talk About Bruno. (Also, Félix took her last name, which is just a YES)

1108 notes • Posted 2021-11-26 01:45:44 GMT

#1

Ladybug and Chat Noir successfully convince the rest of Paris (or at least, the ones that don’t know the truth) that they’re in a polyamorous quartet with Marinette and Adrien.

the magazines go nuts with Ladrienettechat speculation and they snap pictures of all of them. Adrien Agreste becomes a poly enby bi icon and the Agreste brand is more popular than ever. photographers scramble to catch a glympse of Maribug and Adrichat by themselves but they only find (photoshoped and edited by Nino) pictures and videos online.

reporters follow Adrienette around trying to get them to reveal the secret identities of their boyfriend and girlfriend. the ice cream dude is losing his shit.

Alya is dying. 

2311 notes • Posted 2021-11-02 14:13:51 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[soleadita]

the arospec eddie diaz post

in honor of aromantic awareness week and also me having a lot of thoughts about eddie diaz at all times, i'm going to talk about arospec eddie. sorry but not sorry. it needed to be said.

(tagging @xjustonemoremiraclex because i promised you a post about this a while ago but i had too many thoughts and no idea how to wrangle them. and ty @scattered-winter for witnessing the pure unfiltered chaos version of this unfold over dms <333)

this is sort of a spiritual successor to my queer pepa post, by which i mean it's about the possibilities!! i'm not saying i believe this is canon and i'm not saying i hope this is canon and i'm not saying it's the one and only and correct way to see eddie. i'm just saying the foundations are there, and the possibilities are fun to think about!! (and also ok fine, nothing about this man gives me any indication that he’s got a firm grasp on what romantic attraction feels like.)

disclaimers: (1) this is heavy on the projection; (2) I AM NOT SAYING I DON’T WANT BUDDIE CANON I DO WANT BUDDIE CANON I LOVE BUDDIE. this is just something i think about kind of a lot and i’m always saying i want more aro headcanons and interpretations of my beloved characters (or literally ANY characters, i'll take anything i can get), so i’m just trying to be the change i want to see in the world. (3) i really tried to make this as aro-focused as possible but it ended up being a blend of aroace + autistic because, like i said, this is projection, and for me, those three parts of me are wrapped up in each other in a way that's hard to separate; (4) re: canon and timelines, i did go and google a few things that i wasn’t sure about but other than that, most of this is pulled from my own recollections. if there’s anything glaringly and FACTUALLY incorrect, i’m so sorry, it was not intentional; (5) i tried to organize this in a way that somewhat makes sense but it's a little rambly; i hope the little subheadings help.

pre-canon | eddie & shannon

so ok. consider this:

maybe, as a teenager, eddie is captivated by shannon. she's pretty, and she's so vibrant, and she's interesting to him. he likes talking to her. he likes being around her. they're friends, but his friends, parents, sisters, whoever - they're annoying about him having a friend who's a girl. maybe his friends make suggestive comments and say shit, and maybe his parents start to ask questions, and maybe adriana is like, “oooh, eddie and shannon,” in that annoying (affectionate) way only little siblings can achieve. and at first he's irritated, but then he starts to overthink and wonder. “do i actually like-like her? well, what does that even mean? what does that feel like?”

and maybe he asks his parents or abuela, and they feed him lines that can basically double as a description for friendship: "someone you want to be close to, someone you can talk to, someone you can be yourself around, someone you like to spend time with." (entirely possible that the list would be different for people raised as cis dudes, idk actually, but this is what i grew up hearing.) and what if eddie takes this and thinks, “well...i guess i do feel like that about shannon?” and then maybe they touch a little more—they hold hands, they hug—and one day, she kisses him, and he's like, “well ok this is nice, i guess,” and he does like affection, his dad has always wanted him to be tough but he misses being little when abuela would pull him into her lap, and when it was ok to ask for hugs, and when his mom would kiss him on the forehead before he went to bed.

so he kisses shannon back, and that's just like something they do now? and he rolls with it. and he does care about her and he does love her but he just...? he just doesn't know what it feels like to be In Love. but that's ok, because he's still young, and this doesn't have to be forever, and maybe it's too soon to know anyway. he has fun with her. he likes being around her. and isn't that more important than knowing for sure whether or not he's in love with her?

and eventually they start having sex (obviously because, as we know, christopher exists), and, again, it's...ok? it's not the worst thing in the world, and he’s always heard that the first few times aren’t great, but he really just thinks it's overhyped and he'd rather, like, sit and listen to music with her and talk or something. but again, it's Something People Do, so he does it.

and then, you know, she's pregnant, and he panics, and they get married because he feels like they have to, and maybe it's actually almost a relief. because now he doesn't have to overthink whether or not he's in love with her, because that doesn’t matter anymore. they're getting married regardless. they're having a child regardless.

anyway, i know this isn't necessarily a groundbreaking interpretation of their relationship; i think this is probably how a lot of the fandom would interpret them (although i do tend to live in a little echo chamber, so i could be wrong). and i think this interpretation usually paves the way for gay eddie, sometimes demi/ace eddie. and that's totally valid!!! i love a gay eddie fic!! i am SO grateful for the abundance of ace eddie in the fandom!!

but lately i've been having a fun time looking at this and thinking about an arospec and/or aroace autistic eddie who falls into a relationship with shannon because it feels like an unspoken rule, a logical next step, something that others want for and expect from him. a tactile eddie who wants physical affection in ways that aren't socially acceptable for him to get anywhere else, and because he's not really sure what love in a romantic sense is supposed to feel like anyway, but he likes spending time with her, so why not? a quietly rebellious eddie who has sex because he is sorta curious, and his parents wouldn’t approve, and his friends are doing it, and people generally seem to enjoy it, and he tries it, and he's just like, “hm. whelp. that was that i guess.” an eddie who is not all that great at interoception?? who is not entirely sure how to interpret feelings in the first place??

season 2 | eddie & shannon 2.0

ok, so this is also well-established: we all know that when shannon comes back, eddie isn't thinking about what he wants. or, like, he is ostensibly, but he's thinking about what he wants for chris. he wants chris to have his mom around. he wants to "be a family" (god forgive him he knows not what he says, he knows not of the amatonormativity in which literally everything is steeped). yeah, he falls back into hooking up with her and then some sort of weird tentative relationship, but like: patterns of behavior. masking. once you Are a certain way with someone, it can be hard to Not be that way with them.

and i can't remember how much of this is canonically established or fanon embellishment, but there's the element of eddie feeling some sort of obligation (shannon is still technically his wife, maybe he owes it to her, to chris, to try again?) and searching for some form of absolution? (yeah, shannon is the one who left most recently and most permanently, but he left first, he made the first cracks, and maybe if he can make it work this time, he can forgive himself?)(<- i do not personally think this about him myself but it is something i can see eddie's gorgeous little traumatized season 2 brain coming up with.)

there’s also an argument to be made that maybe he thinks it would be easier for other reasons, too. like, yeah, it would be so much easier to have a household with two adults. it would be so much easier to have more childcare options for chris, less questions from places like chris's school, someone else to help with managing things like grocery shopping and making dinner and running errands and laundry (i swear to god i'm not listing these things because they're like "women's work" and shannon's a woman, it's just those are the things i fucking struggle with so they're at the top of my mind). they'd be a fucking dual income household. like. that shit would be LIFE CHANGING.

(are these things i've thought a lot about in relation to being autistic and aro…who can say…who can say.......)

seasons 4-5a | eddie & ana

i mean. i think this is also self-explanatory at this point, and eddieana has been dissected to shreds. i'll just say that pretty much every piece of evidence for gay eddie in this scenario could also apply to arospec (and aroace) eddie. (and it's not like he can’t be, like, gay ace, but we all know when fandom talks about gay eddie, it’s usually gay allo eddie. and i’m NOT AGAINST that (really, i love all queer eddie headcanons, they're SO SPECIAL), but. you know. it's like this post.)

ok, wait, no. i’ll say a little more. consider this:

maybe eddie was so weird around ana because the way he masked around her was, like, a little stiff and overly formal; partly because the first time he met her it was at a parent/teacher conference, and partly he was trying to perform the role of Good Date/Boyfriend, and then she ended up in his house and around his kid (outside of the classroom context) sooner than he originally planned, putting him in the awkward position of, "fuck, how do i be at-home-with-christopher-me and also trying-to-date-ana me?"

or maybe he just didn't know her well enough to have that basis of friendship he had with shannon (remember i'm extrapolating here, i don't think we know whether or not shannon and eddie were friends first, i think that's just something from the autistic!eddie series of all time that i've integrated into my eddie backstory fanon forever), so he just straight up didn't care about her the same way!! literally just in a “oh, i actually don’t know if i really enjoy this person’s company” way, and then in a “oh we’re not vibing as expected” way. only instead of peacing out once he realizes that, he fucking DOUBLES DOWN.

there's also, of course, the department store panic attack. feeling trapped. trying to convince himself that she is what he wants. that maybe if he stays long enough he'll change his mind. and i know this can all be attributed to MANY things; i'm just saying the entire eddieana arc was really relatable to me, local aroace autistic, who has fallen into Situations not entirely unlike this prior to realizing i am in fact aroace.

season 2-onward | eddie & buck

i don't have TOO much to say here, mostly because i know we all know the buddie moments inside and out, and there are so many beautiful posts that already exist about the depth of their relationship, and i don't really have anything new to contribute.

i guess i just wanted to say regardless of whether or not it's ever a canonized romance, it's SO clear to me that they care SOOOOO deeply for each other and in a way that transcends most people's framework for friendship. and i absolutely do not want to devalue platonic relationships or found family dynamics, because THOSE ARE SOOOO IMPORTANT, but like. okay. chim and hen? platonic soulmates. bobby and buck? father/son dynamic. chim and buck? brothers. hen and athena? besties.

buck and eddie? i look at them and i'm like WELL. it doesn't have to be romantic but it's also definitely not like, "oh yeah we're friends!" or even "we're brothers for life." like. they love each other, and in a different way than the rest of the firefam loves each other. and that's one of my favorite things about them as a ship; even without any elements of romantic or sexual attraction, they'd still like...fight like hell for each other. they're still home for each other. idk. can't think about it too hard otherwise it destroys me but in a good way.

ok that's all. <3

some miscellaneous things that make me giggle

(1) THE WAY EDDIE IS CANONICALLY SOOOOOOOOO DISINTERESTED IN DATING. COULD NOT CARE LESS. WOMEN FLIRTING WITH HIM ON A CALL? ANNOYANCE.* "I HAVE A KID THEY'RE NOT MY TYPE" ??????? SIR????????

*this is really valid, actually, aro or not; like, he's just trying to fucking do his job, please leave him alone!! that said, it also amuses me greatly.

not to fucking mention he's told ana (or maybe ana just inferred?) that there hasn't been anyone else since shannon. which is really interesting and could be interpreted in SO many ways (like...there haven't been any other women, but we all know buck's been there? not to mention the rest of the 118?), but to me, it also sounds like NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN SEEKING PEOPLE OUT AT ALL, regardless of gender. <333

(2) he never so much as LOOKS at maddie. granted, she’s almost immediately paired up with chim, and she's buck's sister but?? jennifer love hewitt is GORGEOUS. i am Looking i am Looking so hard and with no particular motive other than to admire because, you know, ace. but i'm just saying.

(3) he's soooooo embarrassed and constantly trying to downplay his relationship with ana in front of other people. like, the man does NOT WANT HER in the firehouse, he does NOT WANT HER around the 118. RELATABLE!! JUST SAYING!!

people start giving him a hard time about going to the christening because that means "it's getting serious" and he shuts that shit down immediately. "it's not that serious." PLEASE. PLEASE.

(that was fucking hilarious to me by the way because like. straight up denial. that IS serious, eddie, i'm sorry, but you are going to CHURCH with that LATINA AND HER ENTIRE FAMILY AND THEN TO A PARTY AFTERWARDS PROBABLY.)

in conclusion...

i guess i just feel really soft about the idea of characters who did things because they were doing what they thought they "should" do, and/or they didn't realize there were other options, and/or they didn't realize what they were feeling wasn't what other people feel. and i also feel really soft about people having ace and/or aro realizations, especially after struggling through a few relationships and feeling shitty and confused. AND i also feel really soft about eddie diaz.

💚💚💚💚💚