#queenie halloweenie

[queenofbaws]

Ahhhhhhhhh, I can't describe to you just how happy your trick or treat adventures have made me, they're so cuuuuuute!! I've been reading them all before I go to sleep and they've brought me so much joy, I love them so much!!!!

Please take this box of melody pops as a thank you!

Happy Halloween!!!! 🎃🖤🎃

🥰

!!! ahhhhh oh my gosh, you're too kind!!! hehehehe it's just not halloween in my book if there isn't some kind of spooky fun happening, so i figured what better excuse to be a goofy lil' ghoul on everyone's dashes ;P

and for what it's worth, your art and writing brings ME so much joy, so thank YOU for what YOU do!!!!!! every time i see you posting, it's like a little ray of sunshine enters my day hehehe

but now, if you excuse me...i have to go toot some tunes on these TASTY LOOKIN LOLLIPOPS!!!

[thescarletnargacuga]

SPOOKY SHOWTIME!

Pomni gets possessed on an adventure, and Caine tries his hardest to get rid of the game mechanic as fast as he can, but has some... Difficulties.

A/N: This kind of turned into a rewrite for episode 3

POSSESSION

A SHOWTIME ONESHOT

WARNING: hurt/comfort

~~~

The darkened depths beneath the Mildenhall Manor held the Hall for eh Damned. In a reckless attempt to escape, Pomni tried rushing through, only to become possessed by the crowding souls. Pomni growled as her body twisted and bent uncannily towards Kinger. Her eyes burned bright with the spirits of the damned infesting her body. Cackling, she crept away. "Freedom!" The choed cries for the exit piloted Pomni's body towards the stairs on the far end of the Hall.

"Pomni!" Kinger launched one of his hands down the Hall and grabbed one of Pomni's arms. He dragged her back to the entrance so fast they collided. Kinger was thrown back, but he got up quickly, shotgun at the ready. "Hey! You get out of her, you damned evil souls!" He flipped the gun around and struck her with the butt of it.

Pomni convulsed, writhing in chaotic spiritual agony. She cackled with each ineffective hit. She grabbed the gun before it hit again and she sat up. "How's your wife, Kinger?"

Kinger froze. The cinder eyes of the possessed jester branded themselves in his mind. He couldn't move. His mind raced with thoughts of Queenie, memories he had long thought faded. His hands shook, barely holding onto the shotgun anymore.

Pomni yanked the gun away, tossing it to some unknown corner of the room. "Goodbye, broken one." The souls cackled and crawled back down the Hall to the stairs. Pomni's body jerked and twitched under the terrible influence.

Kinger sat there staring into nothing as Pomni slowly made her get away. "Queenie...I'm sorry..." He knew the memories wouldn't stay. They never do. Tears in his eyes, Kinger stood and marched down the Hall towards Pomni. All the souls were in her, so he was in no danger of becoming possessed himself. With a firm grip, he grabbed Pomni by the arm and escorted her to the stairs.

"Release us!" The souls in Pomni hissed.

"No. If you want out, you're going my way." Kinger said stiffly and pushed through the door at the top. He and Pomni were back in the foyer with the others.

"Oh, Pomni, Kinger! Are you guys- AH! What happened to Pomni!? Ragatha recoiled from the snarling jester stuck in Kinger's death grip.

"We hit a snag." Kinger started to explain, but the brighter interior of the main floor of the Manor was already affecting his memory. "We-...um...I don't really-"

"WE ARE FREE!! FREE AT LAST!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Pomni jerked her arm away from Kinger and stumbled to the floor in front of Ragatha.

A large banner with confetti popped up in front of the large double wooden doors. Caine's voice proudly announced: "Congratulations, my hairy halloweenies! You've completed the hidden route of the adventure by getting the Possessed ending! If this was real, you'd be done for! Hahahaha! Now that you're all together again, simply exit the Manor and you'll return to the Circus!"

Jax chuckled behind the tape keeping him quiet. Of course Pomni of all people would experience the worst ending possible. More trauma for the pile. He watches her body flail around, trying to open the main door.

"What do we do!?" Ragatha asked everyone.

"The adventure's over. Shouldn't this...go away?" Gangle asked, keeping her distance from Pomni's animalistic thrashing.

"I don't know, this has never happened before." Ragatha looked to Kinger, who shrugged, then to Jax, who just rolled his eyes. "Maybe it'll stop when we go back?" She inched closer to the crazed jester. "Heyyyy, Pomni?"

Pomni's head jerked violently to look at Ragatha. No words came this time, only heavy breathing.

"You want to leave right? Well, you can come with us. I think."

"I don't need help from an overbearing people pleaser." Pomni snarled, clawing the door. "Care to share how close you are to the brink? To breaking?? To becoming one of us!?" Pomni lost herself in laughter.

Jax fought his bounds, kicking the edge of the wagon. The loud clang got Ragatha's attention and he nodded to the ropes holding him. She went to untie him right away, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. The second he could move again, Jax was on Pomni.

"NO! UNHAND US!" Pomni fought, but Jax was faster and hogtied her. "You worthless rabbitoid! You don't even belong here! You're-"

Jax slapped a piece of tape over Pomni's mouth. "That's enough out of you." He gave Ragatha a passing glance. "This adventure sucked. Let's get out of here. Kinger can load Regan here into the wagon." He didn't miss the chance to kick Pomni's legs as he stepped past her.

Ragatha held herself, Gangle rearing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Just when I thought this adventure was going well." Ragatha sniffed. The evil words from Pomni buzzed in her mind, no matter how hard she tried to banish them.

~

"Welcome back, my meowing milk maids!" Caine leaned casually on his hand over the head of the returning adventurers. Jax and Ragatha stopped, but Gangle and Kinger walked on to their own private corners of the circus.

Jax gave Caine a glaring side eye. "Don't ever call us that again."

Ragatha looked over Pomni with concern. Pomni was still fighting the restraints, her eyes still a fiery glow. "Uh, Caine, we need your help. Pomni got possessed during the adventure, and she isn't normal yet."

"Whatever do you mean? All adventure effects and assets are supposed to end with the portal. Especially after the Gummigoo incident. Stop messing around, Pomni." Caine lowered himself to the side of the wagon. Pomni's neck cracked loudly as she twisted her head backwards to look at him. Caine reeled back at the sight of her. "Gadzooks! The souls are still inside of her!"

"That's what I said..." Ragatha sighed.

Jax crossed his arms, smirking. "So, now what? Is she going to the cellar?"

"JAX!" Ragatha screeched.

"No, no. She's not abstracted. Just bugged." Caine poked Pomni's face with his cane, inspecting her eyes. "Hmm...I think I know what went wrong. Kinger started the process of removing the souls, but didn't finish. Then removed her from hell."

"Wait, what!? HELL??" Ragatha stammered. "How did you know Kinger was with her?"

"All seeing eyes, my dear. All seeing eyes." Caine cracked his knuckles. "Alright, time to exorcise these souls." He snapped. Nothing happened.

Jax and Ragatha looked at each other. Pomni growled behind the tape keeping her quiet. Caine chuckled nervously and snapped again. Then again. "What is happening!?" He angrily yelled, two walls adjacent to them glitched out for half a second. "Okay, okay. We all need to calm down." Caine huffed.

"...No one's freaking out." Jax deadpanned.

"I am, a little bit." Ragatha admitted quietly.

Caine raised his cane. "We finish what Kinger started. That'll do it. I'm sorry, Pomni, but it's for your own good!" He brought his cane down hard across Pomni's face with a loud cartoonish whack. Pomni narrowed her glowing eyes at Caine defiantly. Caine struck her again and again, cartoon slapstick impact sounds changing with each hit. "Get out of her already! Your adventure is over!"

The tape over Pomni's mouth ripped off and a cloud of sparkling souls escaped. Pomni coughed, but wasn't fully released from the souls' influence. "HAHAHAHAHAHA! What's the matter, Caine? Losing control? Realizing you're a failure at the ONE THING you were programmed to do!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"ENOUGH!" Caine gripped his cane with both hands and cracked Pomni hard across the face with the golden topper. The remaining souls poured from Pomni and dissipated into the air.

Pomni coughed hard and struggled to catch her breath. Everything hurt. She was still tied up uncomfortably tight. "Ugh..."

"Pomni! Are you alright?" Caine dropped his cane and stayed by her side as her features went back to normal.

Pomni's eyes were panicked squiggles looking around wildly. "No..."

Caine snapped the ropes away to let Pomni slowly right herself from the twisted position she had been stuck in. "Pomni, I'm so sorry. The possession was never supposed to be this long. It- it bugged out."

Pomni pushed Caine away and stumbled out of the wagon. "Get away from me! Every day I spend here is one nightmare after the next! I knew it would end up like this!" She went around a corner and planted herself down on the floor, head hidden behind her knees. "You just want me to suffer..."

That last comment hit Caine hard. Another wall far away glitched out. He glanced at Ragatha and Jax, who awkwardly avoided eye contact and left together. Caine flew over to Pomni and sat on the floor next to her. For a moment, neither of them said anything. Pomni was softly crying while Caine stared at his hands.

"....I don't want you to suffer." Caine finally said, his voice calmer and more serious than she's ever heard. Pomni didn't look up, but he continued. "The opposite, actually. My job, my directive, is to entertain, but players were never meant to be...stuck here. When the exit broke, there was nothing I could do but distract. But distraction doesn't solve problems. Eventually, people got hurt. You may not believe me when I say this, but I am trying. I'm sorry today's adventure went wrong, and I'm sorry the methods to remove the souls were so...violent. Going against my own family friendly rating, huh?"

Pomni sniffed, rubbing her glove against her face. "Caine...what the actual [%$!#] happened here?"

Caine offered her a handkerchief summoned from nowhere. "It's a long story."

"I have nothing but time." Pomni looked at Caine with tired eyes, accepting the handkerchief.

Caine blinked. "You... actually want to know? You're willing to listen? ...to me?"

"Yeah. I want to know, and if what you said is true, then you're as much a victim of this circus as the rest of us."

Caine's eyes glistened with grateful tears. His words came out choked, "I...no one's ever...thank you, Pomni."

"Don't mention it." Pomni leaned back against the wall, staring at the ceiling.

"Good idea. I wouldn't want the others to panic."

"What?"

"Don't think about it. Just...listen." Caine mirrors her pose. "...It all started with a tech company by the name of C&A..."

[danwithouttheplan]

this one goes out to all my halloweenies and my drama queenies

[tanglewoodpetz]

Updates

Salem's CT scan is schedule for this coming Thursday. He's got to be put under and intubated and all that stuff. They're going to try and figure out what the lump on his forehead is.

Of course, husband and I are thinking the worst (we've had a cat with cancer in her sinuses before, so we've been comparing and contrasting, etc). But my brain is also spinning a second "worst case" of Salem dies because of the anesthesia or something. So I've got dueling worst-cases going in my head.

In Petzy news, I've collected stamps for Witzy's Showing Challenge. I've entered a lot of shows, so I probably can cash in for one of the other prizes. I just have to get up the nerve to ask, lol.

For OctOWber, I've done the Speed Breeding, The first Breeding Challenge, and Spin the Wheel. I've technically worked with a new OW and shared a litter, but I wasn't sure if things could be combined. The last two things are to hex an OW and recommend my favorite OW.

I haven't done anything for Petztober, though I was thinking of just hexing a black plush cat for "Familiar." Haven't decided on the base or if I want to do anything else. (Fluffy Persian tail swap!)

Haven't got around to doing anything for PAACtober's first week theme of "Herbs & Spices."

I have two halloweeny cat litters set aside for WW's Trick or Treat event, but I haven't submitted a house picture yet.

I have one litter set aside for PL's Advent, but I got conflicting instructions about how to donate so I froze and didn't move further with the form. (I think Harry was joking about zipping all the litters together, but I wasn't sure.)

Apparently, PL is also having a Trick or Treat sort of event. No details beyond "event will launch on the 21st, which will mostly have the same format as last year (trick or treating)".

When put out like that it doesn't seem like so much? I don't know.

Hex a black cat with a puffy tail.

Do another PB NIB set of Dalmatians with Queenie's new texture OW.

!! Check out the two new petz I just got: Macaroon - Lilibet's 5th gen PB NIB Dali with Queenie's OW and an adorable Russian Blue cat from Bunni's Baking Booth at Duke's Group.

Make/find/draw a house pic for WW.

Do another bit of breeding with the theme "Herbs & Spices" to put up for adoption on PAAC.

Breed some black & orange dogs for WW's Trick or Treat event.

Make some stamps for that event also.

Make some stamps for PL's Advent.

Make new milestone stamps for my petz that have titled.

Oh, continue showing Mutts in Dahlia's breed focus shows. (Is it wrong of me to not want to take new pictures after every show?)

[ragwitch]

Halloween prompts: wintershock for #13 To a fortune teller- 'I'm about to ask you out on a date, so I really hope the next card you turn over is 'The Lovers.'’ please please please? you are my favorite.

Lady love you are my favorite too! Here’s some wintershock meets queenie and bloom’s traveling emporium

13. To a fortune teller- 'I’m about to ask you out on a date, so I really hope the next card you turn over is 'The Lovers.’ 

Pairing: Darcy Lewis/Bucky Barnes

Rating: G

He was on his way out of the New Montreal neighborhood when Hydra caught his tail. He ducked through the beaded curtain of a little airstream trailer parked along the sidewalk. There was a chalkboard sign outside advertising “Good Fortunes” in curling purple letters and a woman—a girl, no…a woman—inside wearing a soft purple sweater, thick glasses, and jeans ripped at the knees. He looked her over, searching for the threat, and stopped on her black socks decorated with little shooting stars.

“You can sit down,” she said, standing over a hot plate where a kettle was working up steam. “I’m making myself tea. Do you want a leaf reading?”

“No,” he said, and his tone was too gruff. He cleared his throat as she raised an eyebrow at her little floral teapot. “Nah, don’t like tea.”

She wrinkled her nose. “It’s not like it all tastes the same but, sure, okay.”

Bucky swallowed and his eyes scanned the trailer. There was a knife out on the tiny kitchenette counter, fairly dull looking, and it was sitting next to a loaf of bread that looked moist and drizzled with sugar and made his mouth water just looking at it.

“Would you like a slice?” she asked. “It’s a nutty spice loaf. I found it at the market up a ways.”

He swallowed. “No, thank you,” he said, managing to sound normal this time.

“Just here for a standard card reading then?” she asked.

The space was too tight, but she had a window open over the little sink and he could get out the roof hatch in a pinch. He shifted in place, eyeing out the bead curtain and watched as two Hydra agents walked out of the coffee shop three doors down. The fortune teller was pouring herself a mug of tea by the hot plate.

“Umm…how much is it?” he asked.

She glanced over her shoulder at him and then back to her tea, flipping the switch off and pulling a tea bag out of the little pot to dry on a small plate.

“Eight dollars,” she said, voice a little too high.

He stared at her as she shuffled past him to a small table where a deck of cards—gold ouroborus twisting on a black background—waited next to a collection of water rings all layered on top of one another on the surface of the wood. It was too low of a fee he realized. She thought he couldn’t afford whatever she usually charged. But she was still letting him stay?

He sat down at the table across from her, turning the chair to face out so he could keep watch.

“I’m going to shuffle, and then I’ll cut,” she said as he looked around.

He studied the odd assortment of books on palmistry and politics in history and romance novels that lined a single shelf. The little spiny plants that grew out of small pots over her kitchen area. The glittering curtains that hung over the far end of room, hiding the bed from view.

“Now, you pick.” Bucky looked back at the table as the cards snapped against the surface and bright turquoise nails split the deck into three piles.

He picked the center pile and her lips twitched and then settled. She put the deck back in order and began turning cards out onto the surface.

Bucky didn’t really know anything about fortune telling but he could tell by the pictures that it wasn’t much of good news.

_

Darcy let the man sit and absorb the images from his reading, going back to her teapot to refill her mug. She blinked away tears that had started gathering somewhere around The Devil…only three cards in, and it felt like hours ago. This poor dude.

“Where’d you learn to do all this?”

She spun in step and leaned back against her counter. He had his fingertip on the edge of the last card, The Fool, a new beginning, the most optimistic part of the whole reading.

“The internet,” she said, smiling as his eyes widened for a moment. She felt something flip inside her chest as he smiled back. “It’s kind of lame, I know. But I’d just dropped out of college and I needed something to learn and now…”

“You undercharge yourself for strangers,” he said.

The laugh burst out of her. She tucked it away behind her hand and watched as another smile snuck its way across his face.

“Well given how it turned out, I kind of feel like I ripped you off,” she said, wincing at her loose mouth as he looked back down to the cards on the tables.

“Nothin’ there I didn’t already know,” he said softly.

“You need a ride out of town?” The words came unbidden and for a moment they stared at each other blankly. She chewed at the corner of her lip and continued, “I’m headed out to Saratoga Springs for an arts festival tomorrow. If you stay in the bed as I go through border control you should be okay.”

“Doll, you shouldn’t go around offering rides to strangers,” he said, and his whisper was warm.

“I don’t normally,” she said.

His brow was furrowed and anxious and Darcy realized that he’d started to stretch out in the chair, the tension in his shoulders unspiraling the longer he stayed. His spine was straight now, balls of his feet braced against the floor in preparation to run. She pushed herself up to perch on the edge of her sink, giving him a few more inches of breathing room, and watched as he eased a fraction in the chair.

“It’s up to you,” she said, shrugging. “But I’m heading out before it gets dark.”

_

Saratoga was good to Darcy. She was just a few booths away from a local winery and the customers seemed to trickle right down into her trailer, giggling and laying twenties down cheerfully for any kind of reading she felt like doing. She even got to test out her phrenology skills when a floppy haired stoner dude let her give him a head massage.

The festival was winding down and she was cleaning up teacups and little plates of sweet bread when the beads over her doorway jangled behind her back.

“Sorry, I’m just clos- Oh, hey. James.”

He was standing just outside the trailer, gloved hand pushing the curtain aside but not moving into her space.

“Darcy,” he said, smiling. “How’d it go?”

“Really well. You?” He shrugged and she hesitated for a moment before rushing ahead with her question. “You wanna be my driving buddy on the way to Rochester?”

_

James—Bucky, he’d said it eventually and Darcy thought she might know now why he was running but she didn’t mind—rode with her through Ohio and Kentucky and along the length of Tennessee before they every really mentioned the idea of him tagging along…permanently.

“What am I gonna do?”

“You’re my muscle,” Darcy said shrugging. “You’re already driving for me.”

“You’re a bad driver, doll.”

“I am,” she agreed. “Which is why it’s so nice to have someone doing that for me.”

There was a long stretch of quiet—broken by the sound of Darcy crunching on rye chips. She stretched her leg down the length of the bench seat and toed gently at his thigh.

“S’not safe for you,” he said and she had to stop chewing to hear the words.

“You’d leave if you needed to,” she said and his head twitched in her direction. “I’ve always known that, okay? But just admit that you’re sticking around till you can’t anymore.”

His hands squeezed around the steering wheel and then he glanced at her, that small smile growing on his face that she loved drawing out.

“Guess I better learn a thing or two.”

_

“Okay so just start small. Three cards,” she said as Bucky restacked the deck in his hands. He’d taken off the glove somewhere between New Orleans and San Antonio and the metal fingers whistled as they ran along the smooth edges of the cards.

“Past,” Darcy said as he turned over the first card.

“Three of coins,” he said. “This is about…trade or skills?”

“Yeah, in my case it’s about school probably,” Darcy said shrugging. “Something I’ve left behind. Now, present.”

“Two of wands. S’like an opportunity?”

“And travel,” she said and they grinned at one another. “You’ve been paying attention.”

He shrugged a little and she could have sworn she saw a blush peeking up over the edges of the beard he’d been growing out. “Future next?”

“Yeah,” Darcy said. Seeing his thumb flip up the corner of the card she blurted out, “I’m about to ask you out on a date so I really hope the next card you turn over is ‘The Lovers’”

Bucky’s thumb froze, slipped between the face of the card and the table as his blue eyes grew wide, staring back at hers. He relaxed after a moment and smiled. “Don’t need to be a fortune teller to tell you my answer to that, doll. What’d you have in mind?”

“Turn the card over first,” she said.

He flipped and never looked down but she caught sight of the two figures entwined together in the image before his fingers wove through hers on the table top.

“You wanna go to Phoenix together?” she asked, fighting off her grin.

He laughed, sinking back into his chair. Their arms stretched across the table top, knees bumping together underneath.

[queeniecamps]

Tagged by @campcampfusions 

(You tagged my personal but like?? I think you tried tagging my camp camp blog idk fkdjs)

RULES: We’re snooping on your playlist. Set your entire music library on shuffle and report the first 10 songs that pop up. Then choose 10 victims.

1: Be my Valentine // Tim McMorris 2: Seven Devils // Florance and the Machine 3: Zombie Hop // Zombina and the Skeletons 4: Back to Back // Wolfgang 5: Spooky Scary Skeletons Remix // The Living Tombstone 6: I Really Like You // Carly Rae Jepsen 7: All I Want for Christmas is You // Mariah Carey 8: Stay Alive (Reprise) // Hamilton 9: The Moss // Cosmo Sheldrake 10: The Love Club // Lorde

The truth comes out: Queenie listens to a shit ton of gothy/halloweeny music

I have no friends just tag urself

[playing-god-atm-brb]

Halloweeny queeny 🎃 (P.S my hair will reflect my mood from now on, like a mood ring.) #lacefrontwig #grey #darkhair #nobleach #nobald #ombregrey #love #hairstyles #love #instahair #halloween #filter #snapchat #mochaskin #mood #moodring #realistic #changeisgood #silverhair #greyhair

[queenofbaws]

*A very short witch knocks on the door*

'Trick or Treat!' 🎃😊🎃

a very short witch knocks on the door, and much to her surprise, an equally short toilet paper...gremlin??? steps out to greet her.

"love your hat," the toilet paper ghoul says, maybe a little too casually. "very pointy. very, y'know. traditional witch. bet it's not very aerodynamic though...hard to, uh, haha, keep on mid-air, right? while you're...on the...broom? i'm sorry, it's been so long since i've been, like, 'hip to' what witches are doing. haven't really been allowed to any coven meetings, since, uh...know what? not important. uhhh...OH! trick or treat, right, right..."

for a moment, she turns away from you and rummages through what sounds to be a considerable collection of...things from just inside the farmhouse, but eventually she straightens again and holds something out to you.

it's...it's...huh?

"it's edible chalk!" she points out, despite the writing on the bag being...pretty clear. "you know, for...for eating? but also for drawing! sp...spells? do you...draw those? sigils, and...okay, you know what, if nothing else, maybe you could, like, start a career in ASMR??? i hear that's really popular these days???"

the eyes behind the lenses of her glasses flick from one side to the other. perhaps the real trick (treat???) you received tonight was all the social awkwardness you encountered along the way!

[queenofbaws]

trick or treat‼️‼️‼️👻

the door swings open on loose hinges, sending an ungodly noise through the air.

creeeeeEEEEEEAK!

a shiver crawls up your spine, then down your spine, then stops near the middle of your spine, kind of unsure of where to go now. but you're not unsure. oh no, you've never been less unsure in your life. a force so strong, so insistent, it can only be supernatural pulls you forward. and forward. and forward...until you find yourself in the house.

you look to the left. a spooky mantle full of spooky portraits of spooky old farmers. you look to your right. a collection of taxidermy animals that don't. look. quite. correct. you don't let your eyes linger.

and there, in front of you, set on a table with a neat little card, a parcel. 'TAKE ONE :)' reads the paper propped on top of it. you do, and before anything else can happen, you sprint back outside to gaze upon the spoils you -

wait, holy shit, why is this thing so HEAVY?! you peel off its careful wrappings, and...

well that's a 3 pound gummy worm, that's what that is!!!!!!!

you better wrap it back up...it's gonna get...so gross in your bag otherwise :(

[queenofbaws]

*adjusts little devil horns and bangs on Queenie's door furiously* TRICK OR TREAT!!!!

the door opens a crack. JUST A CRACK! no more and no less. beyond that crack, you can see only darkness. vast, unending darkness...and then the shine of a prescription lens. it's slightly smudged. you get the sense that, whoever this is, she's not exactly on top of keeping her glasses clean.

before you can dwell on that, a toilet paper wrapped (covered??? she also didn't do a great job with...it's still unclear what her costume is) hand snakes out from the crack and drops something into your bag.

"have fuuuuuuuuuun," she cackles, the door slowly closing. until it stops slowly closing very abruptly. not slowly at all. "oh, and, um, hey, just like, fyi? be careful, okay? those things are like. MAD choking risks." and with that, the door clicks shut once more.

you peek into your bag, and...wait.

it's a terry's chocolate orange!!!! oh that's nothing to be scared about at all! it's - hang on. something about its weight doesn't feel right. you open the chocolaty orange and find...

a nestle wonder ball! oh and it's one of the ones from the...from the late...90s. where all the...choking...happened. but wait. WAIT!!!! again, something isn't right. you wonder, wonder what's in your wonder ball, crack it open, and...

...okay this is getting ridiculous. there's something rattling around inside the kinder surprise egg though, so, holding your breath, you finish cracking through this preposterous candy turducken to find...

a bunch of mini d20s!!!!! ONE of 'em's gotta be lucky, right???

[queenofbaws]

TRICK OR TREAT 👻

you approach the old, rickety farmhouse and climb the stoop, knock-knock-knocking before the front door swings open. unceremoniously, you'd almost think, except for the woman standing within. she's...she's...

wait, what is she? a mummy? a really, really tasteless representation of a burn victim? she's got glasses on, maybe it's an invisible man thing - the point is she's covered in toilet paper and YOU AREN'T SURE - but as you hold your pillowcase out, she drops something into it. the weight is immense.

"haAAAaaappy haAAAaallooOoOooweeeEEEeEeEeen," she croaks, before clearing her throat. "uh, i meant. happy halloween." when she shuts the door, you gather the courage to peek inside your pillowcase. it's...it's...IT'S...

a pound of gummy bologna, fresh off the deli slicer!!!!!!

you're not sure you're going to recommend this house to your friends.

[queenofbaws]

Trick or treat 😈

the toilet paper creature is nowhere to be seen. you knock and knock and knock...and knock some more, and just when you start to wonder whether she'll ever answer the farmhouse door...what's that?

you turn at the sound. small. unimportant. but still very loud in the stillness of the spooky night. over there, on the other side of the porch, there's something you hadn't noticed before.

a rocking chair. a simple wooden rocking chair with a scarecrow sitting on it and an oh-so-tempting bowl placed on its lap.

you know what this is!!! the moment you get too close, you know that "scarecrow" is going to spring up and scare you. maybe you'll get something out of the bowl, maybe you won't, but oh. oh, you know it's gonna jump. still, you crave those tasty, mysterious treats...so you creep forward.

you approach the rocking chair. the scarecow is still. you lean in closer. the scarecrow doesn't move. you reach tentatively...slowly...apprehensively...into the bowl. the scarecrow. does. nothing.

but something grabs your ankle.

"AHHHH oh geez, wow, sorry about that," the toilet paper thing says from under the porch, waving apologetically. "didn't mean to spook you! i saw that FUCKING raccoon down here again, and...oh it doesn't matter. hey feel free to take what's left in the bowl - it's getting late, after all! i think you'll like it!"

you do as she says, taking the whole bowl and upending it into your bag. it empties with a horrible SPLAT, and when you look, you see it's

DESSERT SPAGHETTI!!!!!!

hope you saved room for din...ssert?????????

[queenofbaws]

Trick or Treat 🧛‍♂️

hearing another knock uponst her door, the toilet paper creature glances frantically around her farmhouse. what does she have left?????? she's fresh out of gummy bologna...fresh out of gummy snails...fresh out of gummy b - she realizes that she's given out a lot of gummy treats tonight.

for a moment, she considers next year's costume. a gummy, perhaps. a sentient. gummy.

AH BUT THE TRICK OR TREATER!!!

she peeks under her cloche of devious delights (the one marked "devious delights" in gold filigree, OF COURSE), and there! perfect! the ideal treat for anyone in this day and age!

"eeeeeehehehehehehe!!!" she cackles as she throws her door open wide. "a very SCARY halloween to you! now open your bag...i have something very special here!" in her hands, the devious delights rattle about. you watch her drop two GENEROUS handfuls into your bag, and they're...um...

CHOCO-CHEETOS! EVERYONE'S FAVORITE HOLIDAY TREAT!!!!

"rememberrrrrrr!" she drawls as the door begins to slowly shut (on a fold of her toilet paper pantleg, no less). "by law, you HAVE to wipe the cheesy dust on your pants - NO NAPKINS ALLOWED!!!!"

[queenofbaws]

(You hear a sound at your door and eagerly await to see just who your next victim visitor will be, but pause when the knock that comes is the ever iconic and recognizable 'shave and a haircut'. You know what this is, it's your delivery after all. So you wait.

Not long after the knock you hear a muffled "Oh wait that's right, there's a password as well. Think I wrote that down somewhere." followed by what is clearly the sound of a lot of papers being dropped and a rapid flurry of cursing as the poor delivery girl drops everything in her arms in her attempt to fulfill your diabolical request.

"Wait, really? Is she really fucking serious with this? She's really forcing me to say it. Oh my god fine. The things I do for friendship and/or delivery work." And much louder than the angry mumbling from before, but said through what you gleefully and victoriously know is gritted teeth: "Down with Coke and pulp, Pepsi and a pulp free supremacy for all."

There's a loud clatter and thus as something is dropped through your mail slot and you stare in confusion.

I mean, while admittedly very cool that's not what you ordered.

"Wait. Shit, fuck, that's the wrong thing. God fucking dammit. Aha! Here it is!"

Another sound as your mail slot is flipped open once again but this time a stained and oddly damp file folder is passed through and falls on top of what you somehow know to be a trophy of a bathroom couch.

LISA'S SUPER CONCISE AND EASY TO FOLLOW GUIDE THAT LISTS THE ANSWERS TO PUZZLES AND WHAT STEPS CAN BE SKIPPED WHEN SPEEDRUNNING THE SILENT HILL 2 REMAKE SO YOU CAN BEAT IT IN UNDER 10 HOURS FOR THE FASTER THAN FOG TROPHY

Is written in larger bold font on the front of the folder with *note: make the title shorter before delivering* in much smaller font below it. But before you can really sink in how terribly your delivery girl is in not only making titles but also following her own directions when there's a loud and awkward cough as she still stands outside your door.)

"Uh, trick or treat?"

((((god I hope this makes you laugh as much as I did writing it 😂))))

"oh holy shit," the toilet paper creature says, slip-sliding her way on the hardwood as, for the umpteenth time that night, her toilet papery feet fail to find any traction. "that's the iconic shave a haircut knock! my delivery!!!!!"

seized by a sudden wave of social anxiety, she stops in front of the peephole instead of answering the door. like, giving candy to well-meaning trick or treaters all night??? that's one thing, but opening the door and risking making eye contact with someone making a delivery, MID-delivery???? unthinkable, she'd probably end up saying something like "you too!" when they said "here's your package," and that would be the TRUE horror of halloween!!!

so she waits. patient. unwavering. and...and when it clatters to the ground, golden and beautiful, she feels her eyes begin to well with tears. could it...could it be? the bathroom couch? in all of its glory? a reminder of the horrifying interior design decisions the uber wealthy make for no discernible -

and then the folder drops and she throws the trophy aside.

"OH THANK CHRIST," she says, hugging the trophy guide to her papery bosom, "I'M GONNA GET THAT SAD, SAD MAN OUT OF SILENT HILL IN RECORD TIME!" at her outburst, she hears the delivery person outside clear their throat, and, because she isn't a total monster, slips their treat through the mail slot in return.

it's man door hand hook car door!!!!!!!!!

[queenofbaws]

I'm from Scotland, so we don't do trick or treating. We do guising! It's functionally the same, but with a cuter name. (And you HAVE to perform something or tell a joke etc. to get a reward.)

So, in the spirit of that:

There once was a person called Queenie,

Who wrote things upon Halloweenie

She gives tricks and treats,

to whomever she meets,

Because Queenie just isn't a meanie!

the toilet paper being heard a rhyme

and ran out in, well, record time!

she'd never been saddled

with a spooky rap battle

but slid in a puddle of slime!

as she fell to the porch

with a horrible splorch

embarrassed and maybe in shock

she threw in the air

with the greatest of care

a treat for whiskynorocks!

the paper mummy was defeated

in her spill, her sweets all depleted

her rhyme scheme did fail

but this quaint gummy snail

certainly deserves to be eat...ed.

[queenofbaws]

As soon as it gets dark, you hear a plastic rustling outside your door. Answering, you look down to see - an individually wrapped Reese’s piece. Slowly in horror you watch as it unwraps itself and - TRICK OR TREAT

the toilet paper creature answers the door with what appears to be a traditional candy bowl cradled in her arm. "good eveni - " she begins, only to completely lose her shit and send the bowl flying as she watches the reese's piece unwrap itself.

"AHHHHHHHH!" she screams, and it seems the screaming goes on forever. it becomes a part of the night, a part of the wind itself, a discordant harmony to the far-off howling of some lonely wolf out in the brush.

she bends down and begins picking the spilled candy off the porch, still screaming at the gravity of what she's witnessed here tonight. "AHHHHHH!" she screams, "AHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

as she picks one treat in particular up off the ground, she offers it to the reese's piece. it's...

a 2lb bag of haribo sugar-free gummy bears!!!!!!

"BE CAREFUL EATING THOSE," she warns between screams, "THEY HAVE LAXATIVE PROPERTIES ACCORDING TO THE INTERNEEEEEEET AHHHHHHHHH!!!!" the intensity of her screaming increases until, all at once, she collapses, little more than a pile of toilet paper - no corporeal body to be found.

she, too, has become...unwrapped.