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swords-of-a-soilder · 7 months ago

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The Healing Process

Chapter 11

Pillow Talk

Phil gently pulled the mug of tea closer to himself as he sat around the table in silence, once again he had been left to his lonesome; though it hardly matter since he could clearly hear the others in the room over.

Forever had thrown an large blanket on him ages ago, during this time Cellbit also gave him a large mug of tea, it seemed to pyshical pain him to do so.

He rather not think on the recent information dug up in his head, he didn't want to focus on the feeling of his heart stopping, or the guilt that hung over his head.

He rather not but that wasn't an option, reliving the memory, a memory he Intented to forget was just as traumatizing as experiencing it the first time.

He'd have a few words for Rose if she was still alive, now that he was a Father himself he couldn't help but be judgmental. He'd ask her why she felt it fit to frequently abandon a child, where she got the nerves to Judge his diet like that.

He would ask her why she had forsaken him, if his actions were truly unforgivable.. he'd tell her he's sorry.

He'd be thrown out of his thoughts from Cellbit's verbal expression of shock in the next room, slightly he jumped at the sudden increase in the level of his voice.

Phil release a sigh as he lossen his shoulder, then did his best to listen to the conversation though the walls.

"And you're sure it killed him?" Cellbit seemed to be inquiring about the memories he was force to relive, right, he was the one who wanted him to do it in the first place.

"Cellbit I'm telling you, I felt it...he died." Forever clarify

Phil's expression shifted to exhaustion as he sloughed in the chair. He sipped his tea with tired eyes, he wanted nothing more than to sleep for at least 5 days but it seemed cruel to leave his friends with the Ender king for that long.

"Maybe he used a totem?" Cellbit debated

"When you use a totem, you feel like a pop in your chest.. " Forever recalled for his own experience. "I didn't feel that.."

"Do you know where he respawned?" Cellbit inquired

"I don't..I don't think he did..not in the moment at least." Forever continued, "I'm not sure to be fair..he woke up so quickly."

"Hm..A Demi-God..." Phil truly couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, if he could just rest for a few seconds then he wouldn't have to worry about his friends facing the consequences.

It's he just allowed himself to sleep for for few minutes, or maybe an hour.. just five hours.. surely they'd be fine.

Finally giving into the desire to doze off, melting in the warmth of the blanket. His ears rang from silence as the feeling of his lung filling with water forced him awake and back into reality.

Phil cough up a fit as he put the mug aside, then rest his head in the palm of his hands.

His head was spinning enough as it was, it didn't help how exhausted he was yet simoustainly so stressed. He was afraid of having nightmares, terrified of lossing control of his body.

Soon enough the duo enter the room, in semi whisper before they eventually acknowledge Philza. Cellbit sit across from Phil immediately noticing majority of the tea was gone, it didn't seem they left Phil that long.

"How are you feeling?" Cellbit began

"Exhausted.." Phil respond

"Oh I can imagine, that must had been incrible difficult.. I'm sorry please know that I appreciate you doing this."

Phil found himself experiencing a phenomenal he hadn't in ages, something he once threw away, something he said he was above.

He wanted someone to pity him, not in the casual way of saying they were sorry that happened, but truly pity him.

He wanted them to ask if he was ok then to double down on it, he wanted them to constantly reassured him, he want the hand on his shoulder treatment, he wanted, nay needed to hear 'it's not your fault'

He wasn't gonna get that, he knew that. It was his own fault in the end, dont treat me like a pity case, mate.' Well now he truly was.

Almost as if Forever had read his mind he rested a hand on Phil's shoulder, instantly gaining his attention. "Cellbit, go easy on him, huh? I'm sure he wants nothing more than to pass out right now."

"What, I wasn't grilling him!" Cellbit debated, "that can wait you know."

"Of course, so do Philza the favor of taking him home." Forever suggested

"No, I dont-" Phil cut himself off, realizing just how pathetic he sound. He knew the likelihood of the Ender king taunting him was at a higher in his own home, he didn't even want to consider the possibility of waking up to his kids gone.

The council wouldn't do that right, they wouldn't steal his kids as punishment for habering a criminal.. right?

The kid would be safer in N.I.N.H.O, he'd like to believe that at least, If a binary monster can't get them, then the council probably can't..right?

"Philza?" Forever threw him out his spiral of thoughts, "are you ok? You're zoning out."

Phil immediately glanced at Forever then back down as he bit his lip deep in thought, suddenly he sprung up from his chair then dragged Forever with him outside the room.

Once they were safely some distance Phil lose his grip as he meet Forever's eye contact. "Forever please don't take this the wrong way..but could I sleep with you tonight?"

Forever though deeply before he respond, truly wanting to make sure he wasn't taking Phil's question the wrong way. He supposed Phil meant it in the literal sense, but even that felt a bit intimate..

Though he supposed he could always put a pillow between them, it Phil truly only needed the company. "Sure, if you need to.. Erm, I shouldn't have said it like that, it's not a problem at all Philza."

Phil released a sigh, thankful Forever understood what he meant. "Thank you..um..if it's not too much trouble, could you help me move the kids to N.I.N.H.O?"

"Ah, right now?"

"I just don't like the idea of them being...the council could.."

"It's fine Philza, really it's not a brother at all." Phil hummed in respond, "do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes." Phil couldn't help how boldly he answered, he just didn't expect anyone to even ask, so when the offer came he didn't want to miss it. "After the kids are safe."

"Okay, let me talk to Cellbit and then I'll be right with you." Forever informed.

Forever kept to his words as he explained the situation to Cellbit, to which Cellbit accepted defeat. He briefly apologize, insist he truly meant Phil no harm them make his way home.

Of course Forever believed him, the problem was Cellbit had difficultly when it came to highen emotions and Phil was in a sensitive state.

He would eventually met back with Phil whom he assisted in moving the kids to the more secure hotel room though his base warp plate.

Forever would warn him that wasn't safe, and Phil agreed to such removing it entirely. That is only after they made sure to check every inch of the rooms.

Phil sighed in relief as he entered Forever's bed room, he removed his rob then stretch his wings as sat on the edge of the bed.

He then removed his hat and pull his hair tight loss, he ran his hand through his hair as a smoothing ritual.

Eventually Forever would observe him from the door way, brushing his teeth in the process. "Are you going to sleep in that?"

"If my wings don't have the freedom to stretch my back will be in knots." Phil explained.

"That's not what I meant, that top is too tight, it'll cut your circulation when you sleep."Forever further explain

Phil took the moment to process Forever's concerned, the lack of circulation probably explain why he woke up with tightness in his chest so often.

"Um, I have a virgin killer sweater in my closet, it's made for a thicker built so, it should be oversized on you."

"Oh.. thanks."

Forever hummed in respond as he returned to the bathroom. Phil pushed himself upright, using the wall as support as he made his way to the closet.

He finally pulled the sweater from the closet, his eyebrows raise as he noted the cloud shorts, slightly longer than they usually are.

Phil quickly changed into the outfit, immediately melting into the softness of the sweater, he then collapse into the comfort of the bed.

Eventually Forever would return with a hair dryer blowing through his hair, which he then playful turned towards Phil.

"Agh, stop my hair is already dry!" Phil plead pushing the hair dryer away.

"Why are you getting my pillows wet then?" Forever teased

"If you give me split ends I'll never Forgive you!" Phil rebutted

Forever accepted defeat and switch the dryer of which he then tost in the closet. He then noticed Phil had taken, most the pillows, which he seemed to be using for back support.

Forever sighed pulling extra pillows from the closet, including a body pillow to sperate them. Once he sent up the pillows he also joined Phil in lying on his back.

Though Phil seem to have his wings spread out from each side, the pillows seem to be keeping him slightly off the bed. It was almost as if he built a nest from the pillows, perhaps that was his intention.

"So.." Forever began, recalling Phil wanted to talk about things. "I have a sense you have complicated feelings with Rose."

".. She's not a bad mother.. she's not ." Phil started

"Sure." Forever respond beneath three layers of disbelief.

"She just gets busy, she is a God afterall."

"That didn't really help you feel less lonely though, did it?"

"I mean don't get me wrong, mate I'm very upset about her frequency to leave me, but I understand she didn't do that on purpose." Phil explained

"But that didn't make you feel any less like a burden."

Phil knitted his eyebrows at the accurate description, wonder just how much of that experience Forever was forced to take with him. "I guess if you could feel me dying, you probably felt my emotions at the time."

"Ah no, no I'm guessing." Forever backtracked

"Burden isn't the correct word, I don't think so."

"Oh?"

"Everyone was always doing something big and important, I wanted to do something just as big to prove I wasn't.."

"A burden?" Forever Interupped, Phil sighed as he sunk further into the pillows, realizing his emotions were truly on display.

"But Phil, you made an amazing garden and tons of birds, that's extermly important for the environment."

"Forever, don't patronize me."

"No I'm serious, richer oxygen for example. What you did mattered even if it didn't feel like it."

Phil breath deeply, it really felt like Forever was telling him specifically the things he needed to hear, he was thankful for that of course.

Yet it felt so wrong to accept he was worth anything more than he already perceived himself to be, even if he wanted to try.

"Hm..I didn't think the Ender King was going to be so close to you." Forever quickly changed the subject.

Phil chuckled at the though, "I'm a lot more relaxed to know he wasn't so much a threat and more of an annoying Uncle.. literally."

"It's good to know he has no truly bad intentions."Forever agreed "a lot less scary now."

"You don't think the council is actually going to come, do you?" Phil inquired

Forever thought for a moment before speaking, "if they do, we'll be prepared."

Phil observed the focus look in his eyes, and thus decided to trust Forever on such. Phil then closed his eyes, allowing himself doze off once again.

"Philza?" Forever called

Phil open his eyes, slightly annoyed. "Yeah?"

"You do realize it's not your fault right?" Forever inquired, immediately silencing all the thought Phil had bouncing in his head.

Soon he heard hushed crying come from Phil, almost as if purely on instincts Forever quickly sat upright, wiping the tears from Phil's face.

Phil however gasped his hand, allowing himself to melt in the touch. "If I just listened, none of that would have happened!" He mumbled into Forever's palm.

"Phil, you were six years old, missing your mother, it's understandable." Forever debated

"I would have seen her a lot longer if I had just waited." Phil rebutted

"Would you blame Chayanne if he was in your place?" Any further agurment Phil could think of was immediately silence the minute he put Chayanne in his place.

He wouldn't blame a kid, if he had disappeared on Chayanne so frequently of course he'd want to follow him.

"You're being too hard on yourself." Forever informed, "you were a child, you didn't know any better, you can't hold that over yourself.."

"Then why did she Forsake me, if it's not my fault then why?" Phil plead

"Perhaps she just hasn't found you yet," Forever suggested, "I'm sure she cares for you, maybe it you build a beacon or something."

"Hm.." Phil noted, "A rose colored beacon."

Forever once again attempt to whip Phil's tears, this time with both hands. "Phil, you need to rest."

Phil silently nod in the embrace, thought he found himself odly cold at abstinence of Forever's touch as he laid down.

He wouldn't overthink it, he was simply to tired to think anymore, so he allow himself to fully pass out.

The comfort of the pillows, paired with the crickets bearing face, all this with Forever's not so gentle snore.

These peaceful sounds gave Phil the first undisturbed sleep he's had since purgatory.

Forever would awake the next morning to find Phil had not only completely flip over but somehow ended on top of him, nuzzled into his chest.

Only one thought could enter Forever's head at the moment, meus Deus, Ele é fofo. He would briefly Pocket that thought to ponder how Phil had even manage to get that close, then realized the pillow he had put between them some how ended up at the foot of the bed.

He could help but wonder if that was Phil's doing, If he had intentionally move the pillow or if he was just that bad a sleeper.

Forever couldn't complain much, he wouldn't complain at all, instead he ran his fingers through Phil's hair, partly to check if he was awake.

"Philza, this isn't fair you know, your making me have all these thoughts about you again.." Forever commented, "I'm supposed to be over you.."

As Phil truly was asleep their was no response, Forever attention would be stolen however as he phone buzz.

He quickly pick his phone up to see Cucurucho had sent a mass email to him requesting his presents to an scheduled meeting.

Forever rolled his eyes and put the phone back down, instead he let himself fall back asleep amongst the comfort of Phil's body weight.

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