#putting the other kid to bed
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My daughter, almost 5, watching the Princess Bride for the first time: is he going to die?
My wife: Inigo? No, he'll be okay.
My daughter: ...is he going to need a bandaid?
My wife: ...yes. he's going to need many bandaids.
#unforth rambles#i wasnt even in the room lmao#putting the other kid to bed#but this was just too perfect#poor inigo montoya needs bandaids for all the times count rugen stabbed hin#princess bride
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I'm certain I've seen this said somewhere else already and I cannot for the life of me track it down but Dream's favourite colour being purple and Nightmare's being yellow
Everybody assumes Dream's is yellow because, well, he's dressed in it head to toe and his magic is yellow and his eyelights are yellow. It's just a bright happy colour, it must be his favourite! Only Blue and Ink know it's not, Ink because he takes note of how Dream favours purple any time he gets to pick something or joins in on an art project and Blue because he just asked.
Everybody assumes Nightmare doesn't have a favourite colour, that if you asked he'd say he was above that sort of thing or tell you something edgy like black because it's the colour of his soul. And it's kind of true, if you asked he would never admit to liking a colour, especially not one so cheery and bright. But the boys have definitely noted how he has paintings of sunrises in his offices and sunflowers planted outside.
#UTDR#UTMV#Dream Sans#Nightmare Sans#Big day for Dream posting lol#I'm losing my mind trying to remember where I saw this post but tumblr search says I'm crazy so maybe it was a different site#Anyway. brothers!!#They like the other's colour because it was safety to them as kids#When Nightmare lies in bed and stares at the yellow picture on the wall he feels safe for a moment#When Dream rolls over and bunches up the purple blanket in his bed he feels calm again#And when I lie awake until 3am thinking of these guys on a work night I'm being so normal!!!#Also I love to add that the boys could - if they really theorised about it - possibly put together that he likes yellow because of Dream#Blue and Ink don't make the connection at all because Nightmare is goop-coloured to them#They just think Dream likes purple for reasons
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rb and put in tags the name of the stuffed toy(s) you sleep with
#i have quite a few on my bed but i sleep with jevil because hes the softest#kinger has a big cardboard plate in his head; spamton is verr spikey and caine has so many cardboard panels to help him keep his shape that#he is actively uncomfortable to sleep with akjhkhadfs#i love them all dearly tho#i like learning about things like this its interesting to realise that everyone around you has a life and memories and specific objects tha#mean a lot to them and why they mean so much to them#just every now and then i have the realisation that “heck everyone in the world is also living”#like that dude who you accidentally bumped on the way to co op. he has a life. he has a family. he went to school and he has friends#he woke up that morning and brushed his teeth and picked and outfit. maybe took his kids to school if he has any#he also had a chain of events that led him to that exact moment when you bumped into him#then you walk away and never see each other again. you go on with your day and keep going with your life and he does the same#woah i got very deep in the tags#reblog and put in tags#idk what to tag this with
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Do you have any ideas about sonic boom childhood?
Okay, sO
I ABSOLUTLY do. I'm incredibly unwell about them. I'm like this constantly ⬇
I'm SO sorry this took so long for me to answer. My brain is a nightmare land, where there is no passage of time, and consistency and organization are nonexistent; but I finally got something that makes a bit of narrative sense down in docs.
I'm gonna put it under a cut, though, because it's pretty long. Enjoy my over 2k words of vaguely plot-shaped ramblings <3
Now, first off... You probably had something specific in mind when you asked, but I wasn't entirely sure if you meant backstories in my Paradise Lost AU, or just in Boom.
I'm gonna go with the latter, (the characters' childhoods in Sonic Boom) because it's… A bit simpler.
I pretty much have two parallel AUs: my general 'Boom is the Sequel to Underground' worldbuilding, which has backstories for the main Boom timeline, (what I'll be going into here); and PL, which takes place after the events of Sonic Boom, but in which most of Sonic Underground is not canon. The plot of Paradise Lost is based on Aleena not listening to the prophecy, and so the forewarned 'deadly fate' comes to fruition. (A lot of things are consistent across both stories, though, so Paradise Lost is… An AU of this AU. Sorta.)
Now, For Sonic Boom as it's own thing, I do think it's fine to leave it ambiguous, and consistent with what's established in the general Sonic canon, and to think of it as taking place a few years after the mainline games, or just letting it be what it is, because it's Very hard to tie it to anything else.
But! There's also a lot of really weird one-liners and episodes that made me think WAY too hard about the possible world building; and somehow, Sonic Underground fits really well into the vague narrative that exists in Boom. And so that's where my AU headcanons come in. :D
Anyway.
In this one, the events of Sonic Underground are pretty much all still canon. There are a few things I'd retcon (mostly just Angel Island lore– see Knuckles' section), but for the most part, it would stay as-is. Tragic Character Backstories™ for the triplets, as explained in Origins episodes, are also still the same.
After the single season of Underground that we got, I'd like to think there would still be a lot of wild-goose-chase scenarios, but a few plot-heavy ones as well.
Early on, I have the (altered) SA2 storyline. Sonic, Sonia, and Manic are all still somewhat inexperienced heroes (in comparison to Sonic in-game). There are no active Chaos Emeralds, so the crystal they're trying to prevent Robotnik from using to power the ARK, is a shard of the Master Emerald. The triplets use their music to inspire Shadow to help them redirect the ARK's crash-course for the planet, and then things go wrong, with Shadow plummeting to earth and losing his memories, while the triplets think he dies. None of them are really sure they consider it a win.
They meet Tails not too long after that, on a routine mission to Westside Island. He had been abandoned as a baby and was raised by flickies in the woods. Sonic rescued him from some bullies, and he helped Manic to fix their van after it had broken down. After growing attached, the boys convinced Sonia to let him tag along, (she gave in because he was adorable and she didn't want him to be left alone out in the forest anymore).
Even though he's brilliant, and they love having him around, they get worried about his safety after getting caught up in a few battles with SWATbots and Sleet and Dingo, (especially after what happened on the ARK) and soon decide to bring him to Sanctuary.
Tails decides he's going to prove that he can keep up with them, and ditches Sanctuary to try and infiltrate a Robotnik base. He gets caught, and the triplets have to go and save him, but he still manages to copy a bunch of plans and files onto a hard drive, and bring it back to the Resistance. The triplets reassure him that they were just trying to look out for him, and keep him safe, but ultimately they cave and let him stick with them.
As far as Eggman goes, he's a modified clone of Robotnik; created to act as an heir to his empire (in the same vein as Robotnik Jr. from AoSTH). He briefly teams up with the Freedom Fighters and helps take down Robotnik.
I'm bad at conceptualizing battles RIP but after all's said and done, Aleena reclaims the throne; Sonic, Sonia, and Manic are declared her heirs; Tails and Knuckles are honorarily knighted for their efforts, and things are on their way to officiate the Council of Four.
After all that, Knuckles returns to Angel Island, and Tails was offered a place in the palace, helping with tech and security and such.
Unfortunately for Sonic, he quickly begins to realize that this Council of Four "destiny" really isn't what he wants in life, and he doesn't think he's suited to run a kingdom. In the spur-of-the-moment decision after an argument with Sonia and Manic, he chooses to leave. Tails offers to go with him, and they steal a small fighter jet from the palace hangar and take off, with the intent to have as many adventures as possible, and learn about all that the world has to offer, before Sonic's family inevitably drags him back to Mobodoon. (They have to catch him first).
They eventually find out Eggman (who doesn't really know what to do with himself anymore because his whole purpose was to take over Robotnik's empire) is beginning to walk in Robotnik’s footsteps… Sorta. The siblings had encouraged him to follow his dreams, and make his own path in life. So, Eggman decided that what he really wanted was to build a theme park in his own image, but he goes about it in like,,, the worst way possible (If he somehow achieves world domination along the way then it's a win-win). So Sonic shows up whenever he starts wreaking complete havoc. (Which happens regularly.)
Sonic also eventually finds out Shadow is alive, but doesn't remember who he is, and he once again finds Sonic completely insufferable. So, thanks to Shadow's very thin patience, they tend to either beat each other up, or ignore each other. Sonic sort of tries to be his friend, since he knows Shadow has the potential for good, but they don't resolve their issues before the events of Boom.
Knuckles' backstory is pretty standard. He still grew up alone on Angel Island, but the differences lie in the lore of the Chaos Emeralds and Master Emerald.
The Chaos Emeralds are in stasis– think the Special Zones in the early games or like… smth like how they were kept on the Starfall Islands in Frontiers. None of the characters have access to them (yet)
The Master Emerald was shattered by the Guardian Priestess in order to keep it out of Robotnik’s hands, leaving Angel Island to fall into the ocean. The pieces were scattered, but the shards still hold a lot of power. However, because they're broken, they're incredibly unstable. Knuckles only ever found a few pieces, and just thought they were the Chaos Emeralds.
He has an extremely poor memory thanks to a head injury he received during the fight for the master emerald (he was only like 4 or smth), paired with the trauma of losing his entire tribe. He hardly remembers any of it by the time he meets the triplets. What he does know, is that he's the guardian of the island, and that he's supposed to protect the 'chaos emerald', and outsiders are bad news.
He mostly stayed away from the temples, after everyone had been killed, preferring to keep to the older city ruins, taking care of chao and his pet salamander*, and sticking to his routines, when he hasn't been called on to help the triplets.
*I've decided that Chomps, his "dinosaur" (salamander) is actually the same species as the one used to create the Bio Lizard
I'm retconning Althair being a living character because I said so. He should've been a spirit– or even better, Tikal.
Amy, I headcanon as Knuckles' sister. (I don't think it'll ever be canon, but I like having fun with the concept). They were separated as children, with Amy being taken to Mobius as a baby in order to protect her, and they don't know they're related.
- Amy is a hybrid, while Knuckles is fully Echidna. She was documented as a hedgehog because those traits were a lot more prominent when she was a baby. (General hc that mobian children tend to take after one parent species or the other, and hybrids are comparatively rare. They're often still documented as one species or the other because it's not always obvious at first or it's 'easier.' Blended species families tend to have actual last names instead of their species for consistency*.)
*I have more headcanons about naming conventions, too, but this is getting tangential <3
Their mom was a Priestess for the Master Emerald, similar to Tikal. Both Amy and Knuckles inherited her strength, though Amy's clairvoyance would end up being stronger. She was blessed by the Fates of Chaos (thing I made up) as an infant, and gifted her hammer for protection and deliverance of justice, and her fortune cards to help guide her. When the war started, Robotnik aimed to go after anyone with oracular abilities, in order to absolve himself of any possible "fated" loss. (He was unsuccessful in defeating the Oracle of Delphius).
In order to protect her, Amy's mother had her father take her back to Mobius, where she could be hidden from Robotnik under the guise of being a hedgehog.
Her father was never super hands-on, tending to leave her alone for long periods of time as he went out to aid the Freedom Fighters. Amy started visiting Vanilla when she was six, not too long after Cream was born, because she needed to borrow some vegetables, and the nice-looking lady down the road had a pretty garden.
Her dad stopped coming back when she was eight (he was caught by Robotnik and roboticized). She knew that he would stop coming home eventually– her cards had told her as much– but it was still hard to understand. She spent a lot more time with Vanilla after that, but still grew to be extremely independent.
After the war ended, Amy began helping Vanilla's friend, Vector, and his detective agency with finding people's missing family members. She would sometimes use her cards on particularly difficult cases, and in her off time, would regularly play matchmaker for Vector and Vanilla.
On her thirteenth birthday, she went to Little Planet, following her cards in search of her own destiny. Unfortunately, this was at the same time that Eggman decided it would be the perfect place to put a theme park, and so she got caught up in the crossfire of his and Sonic's ensuing battle.
She fell for Sonic pretty much immediately. He was cute, and witty, and strong, and basically the epitome of a teen hero. But he was also extremely arrogant and egotistical. Tails, she found, was pretty much Sonic's yes-man. Sonic never put him down, or anything, and obviously loved the kid a lot; but he tended to follow Sonic's lead, and both of them were fairly brash and dismissive towards her– Something she really wasn't a fan of. She still flirted with Sonic quite a bit, but her short temper meant that they end up butting heads even more.
They ultimately parted ways, though she still felt somewhat drawn to Sonic; and she was still hopeful that they could become friends. They bumped into each other a few more times after that, but they didn't stick together as an official team, until the Rise of Lyric incident.
Craving adventure, and fascinated by Little Planet and the ruins that were there before Eggman got to it, is what inspired her to pursue archeology, and anthropology.
Amy and Knuckles officially met each other for the first time on Angel Island. Amy was there on an archeological expedition, interning with Cliff, and they were exploring the ruins there. Knuckles decided to follow them around to prevent them from causing any trouble, or disturbing any remains. They spent the entire time squabbling over the 'correct' way to do things, until Cliff reassured them both that they would respect Knuckles' culture and wishes, even if that meant leaving the island altogether.
While they were there, Eggman targeted Angel Island as another Potential Theme Park Location, and Amy and Knuckles had to team up to stop him. At the end of it all, Amy invites Knuckles to go back to Seaside with her. He accepts, ultimately tired of the isolation, and figures he can be a treasure hunter like her. (The explanation that treasure hunting was a completely different thing went right over his head.)
Sticks was raised by her great aunt, who took her in after her parents died. (Mentioned offhandedly in Closed Door Policy as the one who gave her the beehive. I've decided her name was Honey, because puns.)
Honey had gone completely off-grid during the war, and taught Sticks most of her survival skills. She kept up with what was going on via newspaper, and didn't throw much of anything away because it could be useful. The paranoia, delusions, and auditory hallucinations were genetic, which contributed to both Sticks' and Honey's isolation.
Honey died of an illness when Sticks was about seven, and she was on her own after that. She rarely went into the village during the day unless it was for something she needed, or if she got lonely, but she still never really interacted with anyone. It was the villagers that regularly called her a feral, and most of them went out of their way to avoid her.
So, she had a lot of time to herself, and mostly spent it making complex traps and defense systems, or wandering around the island; having to figure out how to get herself out of countless dangerous situations on her own.
She was twelve when the others arrived on the island, and Knuckles got caught in one of her traps while exploring the jungle, and when she finally let him down, he brought her back to officially meet the others. They thought she was a little strange, but so were the rest of them. She was nice enough. She joined their team after an Eggman attack where they found she could hold her own really well against his bots, while keeping up with the rest of them.
A few other little things:
The brown scarf Sonic wears was a gift from Tails, as an easy way to hide his medallion, so they wouldn't get caught. The only reason it's brown, is because Tails is colorblind and thought it matched Sonic's red shoes. (Sonic didn't correct him.)
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Tails' goggles in Boom are made from polarized red glass, because the tint helps to enhance the differences between red and green. He wears them when flying his plane, or engineering, in order to quickly read light signals and differentiate wiring colors.
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Amy's bengals are also inhibitor rings, designed specifically to temper her clairvoyance, but also put a cap on her chaos energy. She can use Chaos Control to summon her hammer, and put it away, but only if she knows its exact location (which is why she keeps it on a hook near her door, and why she freaks out if she loses it). Without her inhibitors, her powers become stronger, but less stable.
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The necklace Sticks wears is made from her mom's old wedding ring. When she was five, she turned it into a necklace with a few random beads and shells she had collected from the beach. She never takes it off, but she's had to repair and replace the cord a couple of times.
She really does keep the burrow spotless– old food draws in pests, and she doesn't actually have much trash, as most items in her home are made of natural materials. When something breaks, she either repairs it or throws it out without issue.
She's really good at spear fishing, which is the main reason she can hold her breath for so long, and dive so deep without any gear.
Idk what else to add, so I'm gonna leave it here for now. Thanks for the ask :D
#i haven't watched Underground since 2022 and I'd put it on right before I went to bed. so I'm probably forgetting some stuff about it.#i wanted to give Sticks more but my other hcs for her are pretty sad.#her character is played as a joke but a happy childhood doesn't leave a ~12yo kid so paranoid‚ & living alone completely off-grid like that#mental illness or not#sonic boom#sonic the hedgehog#miles tails prower#knuckles the echidna#amy rose#sticks the badger#boom eggman#my headcanons#wish i had the energy to draw all of them but alas‚ I do not 😔#(also pictures would just make this insanely long.)#long post#thanks for asking!
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headcanon that scorpius was a sick child and was in and out of hospital constantly, perhaps related to astoria's blood curse but not directly. his immune system isnt very strong, and everytime he gets sick they're terrified that it's the blood curse but also whatever else it could be, because it's always so sudden and so intense and they call healers over to the house who recommend this delirious feverish 4 year old is hospitalised immediately, and you'd think it'd get easier to some extent because they'd be used to it, but everytime they feel like this is it, this is the time he'll walk in to the hospital and not walk out again
#this headcanon has no purpose im just thinking of scorpius in bed like a sickly victorian child with scarlet fever or something#asking if he'll make it to sunrise lmfao#so then he hates hospitals with a passion#my friend from school was in them constantly he was even a make a wish kid and he can not fucking stand the places so#headcanon scorpius becomes a healer anyway lmao#im sick and this is how im coping by putting baby scorp in hospital lmfao#it just made draco that little bit more protective#lucius made an insensitive comment about it once and draco was ready to throw hands#this headcanon doesnt really go anywhere ive just decided scorpius was a sick child#he has sick child energy lmfao#he still knows some of his doctors/healers because he was there so frequently#just imaging lil scorp in a hospital bed and draco and astoria are sleeping in the room on like uncomfortable chairs and the fever finally#breaks and hes like uh daddy im hungry and its like 4am but draco couldnt care less cause scorp hasnt been able to eat anything for days#let alone ask for food directly and baby scorp is wondering why his parents are acting so damn weird just cause he asked for some toast#but once hes grown up whenever he gets sick its on such a lower level than what it used to be when he was a kid because his immune system#got better that he struggles to gauge when other people would usually stop trying to do daily activities and albus has to start wrestling#scorpius back to bed instead of going to class cause scorpius really youre practically dying and hes like pfff you wanna see dying? use tha#timeturner one more time and go back to see me at literally any point between 2 and 10 i am FINE#(he absolutely was not fine)#scorpius malfoy#albus potter#draco malfoy#hpcc#scorbus#this is so many tags im so sorry
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Im very into lavender these days but not in the woo woo 'this will fix my sleep problems and all other issues' pseudoscience way, it's just that i really love the smell and it's very comforting to me, which i can use a lot of right now so i try to surround myself with it as much as possible 💜
#lavender smells like how it feels to get home after a long day in the cold qnd you get to take off your wet clothes and put on soft pyjamas#and you can just get cozy in your warm bed and novidy expects anything else from you tonight no responsibilities no chores#you get to just be warm and safe and fall asleep#also bubble baths because iwe alsway had this lavender bubble bath when i was a kid and i loved it so much (i always tried to eat the foam#or rather i wanted to eat the smell itself but the closest i could get was the foam... yes it tasted bad) and i still love it a lot#oh also my best friend who ive known since kindergarten would always use this lavender oil (instead of like body lotion) after showers#(bit they changed the bottles a few years back so now they are like half the size which is ridiculous)#(we spent holidays together for years) and they still use it today but i dont get to smell it as much but that also makes me feel nostalgic#anyway lavender is amazing and i wish i could just drink that bubble bath fluid and get that cozy feeling inside of me that way#(im trying to find a tea that has mostly lavender but its not easy. most also have other stuff that i dont like... but ill keep looking!)#oh and i recently bought this lavender shower gel and that is so wonderful for a shower at night!!!#hey if any europeans wanna recommend any good (not suuuuper expensive) lavender products i could check out please tell me#winter is kicking my ass and i need anything i can get to cheer me up and comfort me#alright enough rabling#i just bought a tea i wanna try thats why i was thinking about it#mine
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I love wwdits I do. I think it's a very charming show with some good writing and I wouldve liked if it went on forever
But that's exactly why I will never entertain comparisons between nandermo and destiel. The jaded hellers are right there will never be anything like that ever again. Some things came close especially in the time before destiel but it will just never happen again and it's embarrassing to try to compare some actually good queer shows to destiel. You'll never ever be destiel
#rehks rants#wwdits#oh they're shaking hands are they? fucking shut up#everyone has equally been writing nandermo on this show the whole time#destiel was a battle and they're still denying it#they wouldve never put destiel in a hallucination marital bed and let them be chill kissing each others cheeks#are you actually kidding#plus like the guide and nadja and lazslo's responses to nandor's almost there thing#they're vastly different destiel is not a fucking will they wont they for one#nandermo are closer to jim and pam than anything and I even think that's too mich
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i was finally able to have the house to myself for a bit today... brought all my dirty dishes out of my room and was able to tidy up a little bit without feeling weird
#by tidy up i mean put my dirty clothes into a hamper and my clean clothes onto the floor so i can reclaim my bed#i dont know why i feel so stressed taking dirty dishes out of my room with other ppl around#im self conscious. i think because my mom would get mad if she saw me doing it#and that leads to bad eating (not being able to eat) etc.#i took rlly poor care of myself this week.... but it felt like it just didnt slow down#i was barely able to feed myself cause there was just no time for grocery shopping#and i STILL need to grade tomorrow#bc thr fucking. kids. are so stupid. using chatgpt and making my head hurt#i cant wait to grocery shop tomorrow#i might try and get up early for it so theres no one around but we'll see#me saying 'i cant wait to grocery shop' u know its bad when i HATE grocery shopping#but this evening was wonderful... after a field trip day that was good for me (got sun on my face) i came home and washed my hair#and got cozy and played stardew valley and balatro#i'll do laundry tomorrow... grade... grocery shop... try and just relax#anyway ur still here. gives u a thanks 4 reading sticker
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this isnt what i usually post on this blog but I'm already sick of all the memes and 'jokes'. I am almost certainly leaving the fandom for good now because of the book of bills release and NO it is not because billford's community has an influx of supporters.
So the worship and romanticization of asylums and other abusive practices for mental health have been steadily gaining traction in recent years, especially with the rise of tiktok's toxicity.
SO many people, especially younger people, regularly talk about how they want lobotomies or how women they don't like should be lobotomized. They get tattoos of lobotomy like it's some quirky fun thing and not one of the most horrific tortures someone can endure.
These same people, ESPECIALLY leftists, will look at anyone they disagree with or don't like and say "get institutionalized, loser" or "et therapy" and it's always in a mocking way. it's always in a policing way.
because these people know that mental wards strip everyone of their freedom and their bodily autonomy. they know these places arent for healing--theyre for silencing.
So the amount of people i see treating bill being institutionalized like a good thing---even the writers and alex himself?
Yeah. Im out ✌🏼
#you people try to act quirky and say you like weird stuff and you like crazy people and hate normies#but then when someone isnt a normie and actually does want to change things in radical ways you want to put them in an asylum#i do not want to interact with any of you people!#i still love gravity falls (obviously) but im just... so over the fandom at this point.#even people who LIKE bill are trying to act like this is all a good thing#guess what asylums dont help :) they almost always make things worse!#so in reality if bill ever got out he would just be 100x worse and more vengeful than before! congrats.#Play stupid games get stupid prizes!#gravity falls#antipsych#i seriously dont understand why anyone things mental wards are in any way different than how they used to be a hundred yeears ago.#because they arent. at all. like literally at all.#they forcefully medicate you with pills that you dont need and that actively harm you bc random ass nurses diagnose you with#someething different every other day and ust give you a new pill for every diagnosis#i know someone who was put on antipsychs when not only do they not have a psych disorder but they had a heart condition and#nearly died bc of it. I myself was put on three different pills the very night i went in. they never#even hesitated to wait and see if i would have a bad reaection or if i reeally needed it.#bc why would they when heavily meedicating you makes you unable to think or reaelize what theyre doing is extremely unethical?#i saw multiple people held down and strapped to their beds and given sedatives for doing nothing at all. For simply asking questions.#I saw staff harass and mock and disrespect very speciifc kids (specifically the poc kids.)#I saw staff lie and try to incite fear in other kids and myself.#one of them told me the night before i was cleared for release tat if i said 'im fine' at any point they would keep me for another month.#and that if i didnt continue to take the meds (ssris) that i was overdosing on that they would come grab me in a van and bring me back#against my will.#Keep in mind i was here based off of lies. There was no real reason for me to be in that asylum.#So yeah. literally dont come on this post trying to defend asylums bc i PROMISE you i have more experience in the reality than you#ever could.#Theyre horrible and romanticising it even against a fictional villain is repulsive behavior.
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I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.
That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.
I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.
I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!
#personal data hacking is my passion#someday I’ll tell a story about the most notable times I tracked things or hacked my own mental processes from childhood to now#including the fear of spiders and bed wetting and behavior changes and posture and heart rate and cursive and putting kitchen items and#trash away as soon as I’m finished using them instead of never ever or ages and ages later#I’m so proud of that#you have to give it time and still commit. chaining thoughts and routines and behaviors really works#we are not separate brains and bodies and external environments#anyway I’m gonna go haha I used up he last of my energy burst on Discord and here and I need to go rest and lie on the floor and probly doze#love you all be back soon bye mwah!#add to journal#trauma evolution#my Waffle House index#this is going to be a fun new tag I’m so going to have fun with this and I bet it’ll be a helpful example reference for other people too#more than just for future me!#so excited so proud of myself so happy so grateful for hope about me really trusting that my ability and my behavior and my performance#are able to and going to yes keep getting better#long many-milestone path-journeys of potential#like when I was a little 6-7 year old kid-team athlete looking ahead at a concept of a future with me over time getting#stronger and cleverer and faster and slicker and calmer and even happier and more and more capable and able to accomplish!#a gift. all this time I didn’t think I’d have and have been living anyway is such a gift.#knowing that I truly have future time to grow and explore and change and improve in even though I still can’t FEEL or IMAGINE that future#time yet. also a gift.#the time I will one day realize I can imagine a future and imagine myself alive? will be a gift.#breath is a gift. experiencing life is a gift. other life is a gift. rhythm is a gift. motion is a gift. awake is a gift. color is a gift.#such a great expanse. all of it new. all of it eternal. all of it me. all of it nothing I’ve ever known before. all of it all of it#all of it. gifts.#gonna go have floor time now. this would be such a nice time to re-re-regain my ability to cry!#mwah I love you future me. take care of your hand and thank u for writing all this down 💛#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?#my poetry
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i have to take a shower AND wash dishes before i can go to bed and if that wasnt enough i have to go to school tomorrow. like should i just kill myself at this point
#my life is incredibly low stress compared to most ppl but it does make me want to die if i have to do literally anything#other than lie in bed and perhaps eat a snack#i guess thats why they put me on disability But damn. wtf#it isn't actually low stress its just that other people have to deal with annoying coworkers and running errands#and i have to deal with fighting the voices in my head telling me to stab myself in the stomach and/or major depressive disorder#now THAT is a full time job. garentee the average corporate worker with a wife and 2 kids couldnt do that#txt
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the higher-ups (and Yaga) immediately trying to leverage Gojo & Ieri's absence to put Yuuta on the roster??? God that's such a stark moment. Thank god Nanami and Gojo saw through that one immediately, because Yuuta wants to justify his own survival so badly he would've fallen straight into it.
That whole scene, with Yuuta immediately jumping on the opportunity to help people even though something is Extremely Wrong with him and he's on the brink of physical collapse--this boy is selfless to the point of self destruction and I am chewing the drywall about it. I love him so much.
If only he was able to summon his newly found homicidal rage in defense of himself, the higher-ups would no longer be a problem. Alas, this boy is Extremely Unwell.
(Sea Glass Gardens is absolutely incredible and i am obsessed with it in a way that is totally and 100% normal. I'm so normal about it, trust me <3 )
The thing about Yuuta is that he really is prime to be taken advantage of right now and the higher ups know it. They had him try to kill himself for them--they know that there's a window of opportunity that they can use to get him under their thumb and avoid The Problem of Gojo, which is, namely, having a human weapon who you cannot fully control. Gojo nailed it from the beginning: they want a magic gatling gun with no personality or free will. They learned their lesson with Gojo and are trying to rob Yuuta of his agency before he learns how to protect himself.
And Yaga's part in that scene really was meant to kind of emphasize how, even with the best intention's, he just doesn't work to protect the kids. Like. everything he said was technically true, and he meant it with the best of intentions. He's the guy who has to think of everyone's needs. he has to manage this crisis. he's got a lot of people hurt badly who just came out of a war, and a lot of people going into fights with some very aggravated curses spawning without sufficient manpower to address the danger and no healer to save them if they cut it a little too close. He didn't have the intention of manipulating or sacrificing Yuuta, but he was aware that it would come to his detriment and risk.
The issue is the higher ups. They don't give a shit about the people in their workforce. They should be the ones doing whatever it takes to solve this crisis and save their people--and if that means giving up on their machinations? They should have already done it. It's their responsibility.
They just don't care. They want Okkotsu Yuuta under their thumb, and their society hemorrhaging is treated like an opportunity, not a dire problem to be solved. They don't care if half a dozen of their own people need to die to do it. Hell, it's better if they do die--they can put it straight on Okkotsu for not being willing to sacrifice himself, when they should have been making whatever promises they had to in order to make this work.
Gojo's done this before, is the thing. He was Yuuta, a long time ago. Nanami was right there watching it happen. They both know what the higher ups do: They let society get to a crisis level and put all the responsibility on you to save it. they let you maneuver yourself into a vulnerable position as a result, and then they use it as leverage to put their goddamn boot on your neck.
The thing is that Gojo adopting megumi all those years ago really did put them into a crisis state. the zenin pitched the mother of all bitch fits trying to secure his unconditional return, and they were a huge percentage of jujutsu society's labor force and resource pools. instead of the higher ups managing the problem at all, they took advantage of the situation and shoved more and more of its weight and responsibility onto gojo, until he was dropping off his own kid at his abusers' compound thinking it was the only compromise that could resolve things. megumi paid the price for gojo not calling bullshit, and right now, with him in a hospital bed? gojo's less willing to repeat mistakes than ever.
he knows that they're going to use the safety and suffering of everyone else as the leverage against him, and he knows that as terrible as it is, he cannot blink first. He's played this game before, and he knows that the only way to get the higher ups to back off on something like this is to dig in your heels.
I think what happened to Megumi all those years ago and how bad it got before they put a stop to it is something that haunts all three of them. When they first started raising him, they were very young, and they were very broken, and they loved him very, very much. He was their little boy, and he was never the same after the Zenin. They were supposed to protect him, and they didn't, and not a single one of them has forgiven themselves for that.
Megumi was sort of sacrificed for the greater good when he was a kid. None of them thought that that was what they were doing when it happened, but that's what happened. His happiness, safety, and wellbeing were sacrificed to pacify the Zenin and make it easier on everyone else.
Megumi and Tsumiki had to become their non-negotiables after. They had to become the things they refused to compromise on. The Zenin would take miles and miles if you gave them a millimeter, let alone an inch.
Gojo didn't think he was compromising them when he left them on their own to deal with Geto's war. They were disgustingly self-sufficient kids. They had been alone for longer stretches of time when they were practically toddlers--they should have been fine on their own for a couple of weeks.
But they were still his kids, and he still left them alone for everyone else's sake, and now his kid is blind and half dead in a hospital bed. It's like being punched in the face by old mistakes.
So they're off the roster completely, all of them. And they're not compromising an inch on what their focus is, and they're not letting anything happen to any of the other kids in their care.
It's terrible that their coworkers are suffering, but it wouldn't be happening if the Zenin hadn't fucked with Gojo Satoru's kid, of all the goddamn people. It wouldn't be happening if the higher ups would actually do their job and start managing shit.
And if they use Yuuta as an anxiety riddled bandaid on the bullet hole in their society? Then they'd be sacrificing him the way they sacrificed Megumi all those years ago. And they have never been less willing to do that.
I'm so so glad you like the story! Thank you for talking with me!
#i think gojo has such a big emphasis on giving kids the tools to protect themselves because no one ever did that for him or geto#geto snapped under the pressure and was lost to gojo forever#Gojo repeatedly focuses on giving the kids the tools to enjoy their childhood without being hurt#like with yuuji--he doesn't want him to sacrifice his youth and happiness with the others#so he focuses on giving him the strength to protect himself when gojo isn't there#in my mind that's also why gojo was always trying to feed yuuji the fingers#like when i first started the series it seemed kind of weird to me because gojo very obviously didn't want yuuji dead#until i realized that yuuji canonically had a good chance at suppressing sukuna even at 20 fingers as long as he had them spaced out#if yuuji had sukunas power level and had gotten it in increments eventually the higher ups couldnt touch him and hed still be under control#honestly none of the adults are doing well right now#a little under a decade ago the issue with the zenin came to a head and megumi ended up being very small and very hurt in a hospital bed#and they promised him that it would never happen again#now he looks very small and very hurt and he's in a hospital bed and the zenin put him there#as much as he's an angry teenager who hates displays affection he really is their little boy and they adore him#nanami was the one who took him from the zenin the final time all those years ago and he personally promised megumi that he would never eve#go back to that place. he feels like a complete failure right now.#gojo always blamed himself for not digging in his heels and refusing the custody compromise and now he's FURIOUS that this happened under#his nose a second time. i think gojos really interesting in the hero role because he's canonically low empathy and struggles with homicidal#impulses and let me tell you he thought about just killing all the zenin back then and he's REALLY thinking about it right now. there's one#fucking way of making sure this never happens again.#shoko generally feels like shit because this is supposed to be the one thing she can do to help and she /can't/ do it right now to help#megumi. also she privately thinks she had the most opportunity to realize how bad it was with the zenin back then and /didn't/.#she was going through a lot of her own issues back then and the zenin had some kind of believable excuses for why megumi was always banged#up. like. he was already getting into fights at school. its not like the zenin had issues procreating. they said he was picking fights#with other kids and that's where he got hurt. they actually blamed maki more than once. and some bruises here and there is expected for a#kid in combat training even at what was meant to be a very preliminary level. he was supposed to be in like. kiddie karate classes and they#didn't realize the zenin were training him like a fucking marine. it was SO obvious in hindsight and that tortures them.#protecting yuuta right now kind of feels like a chance to get it right the first time and all of them need that now that they feel like the#fucked it up with megumi a second time#sea glass gardens
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wiat are garak and bashir married in your au?
the castellan of cardassia living in sin? with an ALIEN??!? AND THEY HAVE CHILDREN!??!??!?
#dee s 9#in my sandbox i play it either as.#1.) bashir comes to cardassia to help out and stays in garaks like living room. and over months and years they get closer and closer#until they are basically platonically married in everything but name and dont realize it until julian tries to adopt a cardassian kid#and has to become a naturalized citizen in order to do so. and then they quickly realize their feelings for each other and get married then#or 2.) epistolary LDR betwixt cardassia and DS9 a few months postcanon#and bashir comes to cardassia both for humanitarian aid and to be with his bf#and they have a proper relationship and get enjoined at some point. to make it Official.#i do get the feeling that garak would be old fashioned like that. like god FORBID everyone knows that they're fucking#outside of the conjugal bed(/desk/kitchen table/couch/floor)#cardassians prewar about orphans outside of cardassia: fuck them kids#cardassians postwar about orphans on Prime: HOW DARE YOU PUT YOUR UNSCALY HANDS ON OUR PRECIOUS NATURAL RESOURCE. WE HAVE SO FEW LEFT
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my bedroom is such a fucking weird room
#like not just the base layout#but the shit i put in it and how i have everything situated#and how i decorate and the colors and where i put things#it's very weird#I'm sure to anyone who has never seen it before it would look like they've been put in purgatory#it's somehow messy and baren#full of character and so dull#half way through renovations that we've been doing for going on 3 or 4 years now#the curtains are the same ones I've had literally since i was born#and one of the walls is just covered with a giant piece of cloth so it actually looks flat#when in reality there's two whole windows behind it that we put blackout curtains on#and theres a little cloud light hung on the wall covered in fabric with a little hole for the chord to go through#my bed is made out of like cubby space like bookshelves#which we got little boxes to go in so i can store my clothes more easily#all of the walls except one (excluding the fabric wall) are painted black#some areas of the trim are green and some are a dark blue both in different kinds of paint#there's a little circus kids play tent that holds all my extra blankets and pillows and other comfy things#one of the three doors is completely blocked off by my desk#stuff seems to spill out of storage solutions and onto any free space available and even onto the floor#all the furniture is a weird hodgepodge of different colors and aesthetics and ages#some things are more recent while others I've had my entire life and you can tell#some of them were found in thriftshops some of them were bought new and some where even put on the curb by our neighbors#nothing is consistent and yet that's it's consistency
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i live so well it's crazy.. really really unbelievable
#i look around me sometimes & think i have everything i ever dreamed of#this post brought to u by my gf finding an outlet behind my bed that i never knew was there & is much more convenient than the other one#now i can lean on the wall with an outlet next to me & put stuff on the bed ledge#& it's just SO unnecessarily comfy & convenient. makes me look around at everything like.. my walls and sheets are matching#i have squishmallows and pretty posters and a giant middle earth map and a desk and a fluffy chair and i own books#& i have my girlfriend right there and the sweetest prettiest cat. decently functioning phone & laptop.#im out & i dress & have my hair how i want. i go to school i work i can drive to my friends#idk. as much as often i feel like im just surviving & things arent going well i cant forget i am living my dream#the things i dreamed of as a small kid.. i have them all#idk how to explain this feeling#the best i could say is dayenu like it just seems laughably incredible to me that it ALL worked out. it really didnt need to#like excessive gratuitous goodness that i would have been fine without. all this to make my life picture perfect !! so so nice#like everything has its cherry on top tied w a ribbon etc like it would have been perfect either way but it's just toasted to perfection. 🥹#op
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I can't believe the Younger Brother (1689) by Aphra Behn has the only one bed trope
#act iv scene i#olivia is in disguise as mirtilla's page endimion and she's wooing welborn on her own behalf#and welborn is like well im hosting a gentleman in my lodgings right now but u can sleep w me#and olivia is like uhmmm uhmmm i can't do that not for any particular reason i just can't sleep in ur bed#(bc she's modest but she is kinda tempted. but also worried if she denies too hard he might suspect her of being actually a woman)#and he's like what are you afraid my bed's diseased? do u think im gay? im telling u there's nowhere else for us both to sleep#im not gonna make u sleep on the floor kid#PLEASE#the younger brother might be one of my new favorites from behn. i haven't finished it yet but it kinda has everything i love from her#mirtilla in particular is such an interesting character#text post#aphra behn#restoration comedy#in the edition edited by janet todd for vol. 7 of the collected works#i believe it's based off of the original quarto text that was published after behn's death#i highly suspect a lot of this prose dialogue is supposed to be blank verse#SO. MUCH. of it flows exactly like blank verse. it kinda bothers me#i do dream about editing and publishing my own edition of behn's plays and i would definitely amend these to be verse#i wonder if montague summers' version is verse? idk this is the first janet todd edited play ive read#i dont yet know the differences between their editing styles#god i wish more than 2 ppl in history had ever bothered to edit and publish this woman's collected works#oxford world classics should definitely put out another volume of her plays#i love the one they have featuring the rover/feigned courtesans/lucky chance/emperor of the moon#but she's got what like 15 other extant plays? and oxford world classics has the range and capabilities to do it#or if penguin classics ever wants to pretend they're really as good as oxford they can print their own#as far as diversifying the canon and widening the availability of older texts. oxford still beats penguin any day#but it does piss me off that no classic book publishers take this period of early-modern women's drama and proto-novels very seriously#or rather. no big ones that i know other than oxford#im not counting print-on-demand companies that reprint the texts of public domain works w no editing#those serve a purpose but those are not leaders in the publishing industry for a reason. theyre not sposta be
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