#pushing myself out of art history by pulling objects & concerns into it

[skalidris]

i know i've technically only studied art history in an institutional sense but saying that affiliates me in most contexts with intellectual traditions i am usually fringing myself to . so i think 'cultural history' describes what i care about better

[jyunshiim]

Catharsis *✬★*’☽* ✬ ⤷Jungkook X Reader au | Part 1

Genre → supernatural | some angst | romance | historical (ish) 

Contains → vampire!Jungkook | romance | supernatural concepts | 

Listen to →  Catharsis

Word count → 12K ( 12247 )

TW → some mentions of death, blood and gore

Chapters/sequels → coming soon 

Summary:  After being told the Tales of Prince Jungkook, you were curious to discover more about the history of your town and the abandoned castle you were forbidden to enter. You discover who he is and why he was he had such fate but you also discover who you really are. Little did you know, your family’s history and the towns history intertwined. Will the past ever leave you?

Centuries ago, legend had it that vampires and werewolves and many other supernatural creatures roamed the grounds of your hometown. The mountains were inhabited by these supernatural creatures and the mortals objected to sharing the land with these callous creatures since they believed they were bad luck. This mystical town was at the edge of war; riots between the mortals and immortals would transpire every full moon, blood and wounds in every direction. Of course, the King sat and observed; what more could he do when the two separated societies loathed each other. There was little power over the hatred they had for each other, nothing could keep them apart for the selfish humans craved destruction, blood and death. The Castle sat towering over the town, holding its status. Red skies sheathed the firmament that loomed over the now silent town as the King stands at the large stained glass window that looked over into the town. He could see the clear separation between the mortals and the and immortals; he sighed. As much as the King tried to keep them civil, it would never happen. He turned around to see his son gazing at the shelves and the paintings that were hug up in the King’s private study room which was located in the tallest tower of the castle. His finger brushes over the leather cover of the books and took one that was a book on Folklore which interested him the most. “Father, can I borrow this?” He holds it up to his father and his father nods in affirmation. The son takes the book and runs down the spiral staircase and finally down the large staircase that faced the vast wooden double doors to the castle. He pulled the rings on the door to open them and ran down to the front green space which was enclosed by evergreen trees arrayed along the front. He went down and sat on the verdant grass, the evening air gentle and pleasant. He flicked the page open; there was a contents page on all these supernatural creatures from vampires, witches, psychics, sirens, werewolves and many others. He was invested, he wanted to learn more about these creatures, but he didn’t know the history of his bloodline. Years prior to 1864, the King studied Vampires and how to kill these creatures, how to abolish such vile specimen. His family were hunters and studied how to capture, torture and kill vampires. He peacefully read the piece of literature, immersing himself and broadening his knowledge. He heard the sound of heels climbing up the stairs of the castle and it was none other than she, the love of his life, the one the Prince was going to marry. She was beautiful, divine piece of art, everything he ever wanted. He jumped up onto his feet dropping the book onto the grass. “Evening my dear Prince, Jungkook,” she curtsied to you. He felt his heart thump out of his chest. “Oh please, do enter my father must be waiting for your arrival,” Jungkook opens the door like the gentleman he is. Her smile was everything to him, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He kept a photo she gave him as a token of devotion and love, she loved him too, but she waited for the time the King arranged the royal wedding.

As the love of his life walks into the main hall, he goes back to grab his book which has seemed not to be where he dropped it. This was a strange occurrence, and he didn’t know what he did with it. Jungkook began frantically searching behind the bushes until someone pushed him over to the other side of the bush. “looking for this your majesty?” A tall male with a dark demeanour approached from behind him holding the Folklore book. Jungkook was angered by the utter disrespect he experienced and tried to grab this disrespectful man. “uh uh, it’s not very royal of you to grab a commoner like this is it?” he scoffed. As Jungkook blinked, the man vanished – where did he go – Jungkook was confused. He brushed himself off and sighed as he attempted to go back into the castle but he was tackled with super speed by this man. Everything turned black. He awakens, his neck and head in pain and his stomach growling in hunger. He thought he was pushed over and hurt his head and neck, only having a minor concussion on his head.

He thought nothing of it, the man must’ve attacked you since the King wasn’t favoured by a lot of people, so the prince was leverage to get back at him. He gulped, trying to cure his dry throat and entered back into the palace. The girl was sat at the dinner table along with his father and the girl’s assistant. She was a part of a rich family so her status was compatible with him. “Son where have you been? Why do you look so…. Pale?” The inspects him as Jungkook’s breathing became heavier. “Son are you unwell? Servants, take him to his quarters!” his father demanded. The girl’s assistant looked at Jungkook concerned, she knew what was wrong and little did the King know, she was a descendant of the most powerful of witches concealed as a commoner that would assist the wealthy family’s prized possession – their daughter- since she was the only half witch, wealthy child in the town. The daughter was also a part of the same bloodline, they were cousins of course although the daughter’s mother married a rich man, who was a powerless human being making her less powerful. As Jungkook was escorted to his slumber quarters he lay there in cold sweat.

“Your Majesty, would I have your permission to see your son to just examine his condition?” the assistant pleaded. The King agrees to the offer; “oh yes, please feel free, please tell me what’s wrong with him!” the King sounded concerned. She nods as she runs up the stairs holding her dress and stand outside his door. “May I come in?” she knocks with respect and manner. There was no reply or response so there was no choice but to open the door on her own, so she twisted the door handle and gulped. She gasped in absolute horror to see Jungkook drenched in the blood of his servants with the tall, broad shouldered man next to him. “well done my little fledgling, your first taste of human blood,” he smirked before going towards the witch. “Why are you here?” he asks the witch. “ Seokjin I could ask you the same! Why did you turn the PRINCE out of all people!” her voice was angry and infuriated. “just a bit of fun my magic potion,” he strokes her shoulder, or attempts to before he hisses. “hmm ouch extra witchy protection…” he scoffs “ well Prince Jungkook’s going to need one of your fancy sunlight protecting rings like your great-great grandmother made me, see you later.” He sits at the edge of the window before shifting into a crow and vanishing into the nothingness of the forest. What could she tell the King? She didn’t want him to become exiled or even worse, executed!

That’s what your aunt used to tell you. The tales of the vampires and the numerous supernatural creatures that roamed the town you lived in and how the castle that sat on the mountain was a chamber of secrets that no one dared to discover. It was said that anyone who even attempted to enter would either disappear or have vivid night terrors – it was deemed to be so haunted. “That sounds so cool!” your voice sounded vivacious “now I wanna go and see for myself!” but your aunt gave you a disapproving look. “I don’t think that would be the most ideal thing to do, don’t even dare!” she raised her voice, moving her hair out of her face as she began to gather the utensils from the side of the sink to dry them up and put them away. Your great grandmother gave you a family heirloom that was a blue crystal locket which was filled with a flower and another gem like stone which had a carved white rose on the surface. Your before she passed away, she told you to take care of it and to never lose it. You didn’t know why but you kept her word and wore it all the time. “so what happened to the prince after? Did the king ever find out?” You ask. “Your grandmother would know this, It’s just a story anyway but I think this is what happened,” she begins and continues the captivating tale of Prince Jungkook.

Shortly after the maids encounter with Seokjin, she turned around and heard rattling at the door but before she count meet whoever was outside, she failed to keep it closed and his lover ended up finding him in this condition; the fear in her eyes flooding her mind and showing on her face. Little did she know vampires fed off fear since adrenaline was what made blood sweeter and more available. He charged at her before the witch warded him off with the poisoned Vervain scalding his face making him whimper like a puppy. “you-”his lovers voice cracked, ““BEAST! FIEND! Stay away from me-” his lover screamed in terror. The witch shut the door on him and put her necklace with other magic and herbs on the handle of the door so he couldn’t open it. Jungkook’s lover ran down the stairs, stumbling and tripping but not caring, not giving a second though as to where she is running to. “where are you going!” the King tried to stop. “Your son- t-the Prince,” her words stumbled upon each other, “VAMPIRE” she yelled before running out of the palace, Jungkook watching the love of his life leaving him forever.

“what happened next? This is getting too good to stop here Aunt,” you lean on your hands at the island counter as she cooks dinner. “Hm, from what I can remember she told me that he had to be exiled probably executed too”

The Prince spent weeks in his room not being able to leave until the King brought in priests and organised a ceremony for everyone to attend although by everyone, he meant just the supernaturals. He didn’t like what he was going to do to his son, but he had to do as much as he could to keep his people safe even if that meant to kill his own son. During that ceremony, which was held at a local church, he trapped all the vampires inside and transported Jungkook to the building. He was chained like an animal and thrown into the building like he meant nothing. The supernaturals congregated outside the venue which was an ancient church that was built by the commoners many years prior to 1864. The doors opened to rows of concreate seats facing to the front of the church, wooden supports holding up the ceiling above the immortals and the alter standing at the front empty for a little while. Everyone was seated, the immortals though that them and the mortal King had a civil relationship- they were wrong. The ceremony started and Seokjin sat at the back and watched Jungkook sitting on the backrow, starved. “awh seems like someone was held hostage,” he snickers before getting his composure back. “Just a joke but you know what’s happening right?” Seokjins eyes widen excitedly, “this is a mass execution, he’s blowing the church up… bOOM!” He laughed hysterically “I know this only because this church had been rebuilt before because the same happened to me,” He sits beside you. “what! Blown up?” Jungkook asks, “yeah but it’s fine, I just wanna keep you by my side,” he smirks before searching for an escape route and little did the King know, Seokjin has been around for many years and knew the underground tunnel systems, so behind the alter was the entrance to the underground tunnels. There was a short pause before starting since the King forgot his ‘speech’ and had to go and find it in his carriage however that was when it was all going to happen. And it did.

“So did Prince Jungkook survive?” you question at the cliffhanger. “No one knows but legend has it that his spirit still lingers in the castle and the church and on top of that you can hear his angelic voice down every hallway,” you felt shivers down your spine. You wanted to see it for yourself; was it true the castle was still functioning as normal like people said. Your brother opens the front door and walks in beaten and bruised. “Namjoon! What happened?” the tone in your voice your voice sounded startled! It had been months since he got into a fight and it was usually over something stupid but this time something felt strange. “what happened? Answer me!” your aunt raise her voice.  Even if he was 20 he still needed some discipline since you both lost your parents at a young age. “fight, what else?” he throws his shows aside near the door and runs up the stairs slamming his bedroom door. Your aunt sighs’ “you two are making me feel old!” you get up from your seat and help her with the table, “but you’re very pretty though so don’t you worry.” Your mind lingered about the forbidden area of the town, where the new bell towered church sat, on the boarder of the road to the castle and the main town.

It was a new semester and you entered the school with confidence as your two best friends waited at the entrance for you. After the long summer, you, Jimin and Yoongi were finally united as a trio again and caught up on your summer away. “so, where did you go?” Jimin asked as he fixed the raven brooch on his jacket. “Oh, I just went to the countryside to see my grandmother and she told me all sorts of weird stories about our family, not going to lie they didn’t sound real, but her great grandmother was a witch!” the fascination in your voice being clear and present. “so that would mean you’re a witch, through descent!” Yoongi wonders, “but witches aren’t real?” you shake your head. “No, Yoongi, apparently according to her we also have psychics in our family so I could be either there’s a possibility!” you sounded crazy to them but you brushed it off because you know what you were told. Maybe it wasn’t real, your grandmother is old and stories can change over time. They’re stories after all. “maybe you’re right Yoongi, maybe it is just stories,” you continue walking with them. Despite being a new semester, it didn’t feel different at all. You wondered around to your class and placed your bag on the floor, your necklace falling out of your bag made another student turn their head. “Hey, you,” the person called out and you turned your head pointing to yourself. “me?” you tilt your head. “yeah, where did you get this collector’s item from?” He sounded so fascinated by it, “oh sorry for just taking it off you, I just love collector items especially when they have close historical links with the town!” he smiles “I’m Taehyung by the way!” he hands the necklace back to you and you held it back in your hands and wore it around your neck again to not lose it. For your films class you were put into pairs to produce a short film of any genre. There wasn’t anyone you really knew in the class although everyone has some acquaintances in the class so you glance over at Taehyung who twiddles his pen, leaning on his palm. It seems like he was waiting for someone to pair up with him. “you must me joking,” you mutter to yourself before you take your stuff and seat yourself next to him. “about time, I thought you’d move sooner to be fair,” he smiled at you, the curl on his forehead sitting peacefully before he blows it away from his face. “what you staring at? My curls,” he messes with you. “whatever, we need to plan our film, what are you into?” you ask him and he ponders with a pout, “I like documentary, what about you?” so you think. “I mean I don’t really mind, documentary is easy but maybe a short film would be so cool especially with the whole spooky history, what do you think?” Taehyung nods. “I supposed that’s a good idea too, we could combine them if we tried hard enough and I don’t know what kind of worker you are.” He rolls his eyes and then flashes a playful smile. God how cocky. He seemed like a nice guy so you let it be and tried to write up a plan for your class. Although once the bell went, you thought he’d leave – like every other project buddy you had – but he asked if you were doing anything after school. “oh, umm no I’m probably going to do some homework or start reading up for other classes, why?” he smiles softly, “oh I was wondering if you wanted to do anything interesting, only if you want!” You paused and stopped walking. “depends what it is?” you hoped it wasn’t something weird. “wanna go exploring?” the bells in your head started to ring. Did he just say exploring, as in discovering new things. “exploring what…” you drag on “oh come on, the forest! No one has been there in years god knows what we could find!” His voice was ecstatic. You didn’t want to be impulsive; “hmm I’ll let you know,” you shrug before you turn to go to the cafeteria, “wait! Heres’ my number if you’re interested” you take the piece of paper that seemed crumpled up and thank him, waving him goodbye. You see Jimin at his locker; “Hey!” you made him jump and he groaned, “oi, don’t do that that scared me, where’s yoongi?” he asks looking around. “I don’t know, I haven’t seen him since class?” but as you said that, he walks around the corner. “I see you made an impression on Taehyung,” he nods at you, “how did you know?” your eyes widened. “He’s going around telling false tales about him being a part of the hunter bloodline and how he found a witch or something, so I assumed he was talking about you” Yoongi whistled before heading to the cafeteria. You were confused, how did he even know that. “must be one compulsive liar,” Jimin snickers before punching Yoongi. “Possibly” he shrugs but it made you think how Yoongi didn’t believe you about the witch thing so there could be an element of truth. You were curious.

Home was where you felt safe yet so limited. A wooden box with a silver latch sat at your window ledge, entreating you to open it and discover what was inside. It was gifted by none other than your great-grandmother; and you glanced at it, your fingers twitching to unclip the lock. You ignore it, trying to dedicate your focus to your trigonometry homework however you felt an energy calling you. You tutted and groaned at your focus being dismantled by your frantic thoughts; you dropped you pen and slammed your book shut, walking over to the window where the box sit.

“this box should be kept near the window to ward off any supernatural energy to keep you safe.”

Your grandmother said weird and wacky things however you went along with it. You wanted to open the box and you went against your grandmother’s rules and sat at your window ledge but before opening the box, you realised that there were lights on at the vampire castle. Your jaw dropped and your eyes widened in joy – were you imagining things – you rubbed your eyed however they weren’t a figment of your imagination. It was real. You wanted to yell at your aunt to let her know but she already thought you were crazy so you left it and opened the box. It was an amethyst necklace with a silver spiral trapping the get and a purple and white flower inside and along with the necklace was a letter written a long time ago, it was concealed with a wax seal and carefully placed inside of the box. Your curiosity was intensified by the castle and you thought to yourself for a bit. Didn’t Taehyung want to go exploring? Maybe now would be a good idea but no, you wanted to see for yourself on your own. “hey, can I come in?” your Aunt asks knocking on the door so you leaped onto your bed and grabbed a textbook. “yes, you can!” you said slightly breathless. “I have some snacks for you, eat up,” she says before looking at your window wide open, “so what’s this then?” she sets some warm soup on your desk. “oh, it was just getting a bit stuffy” your nervously chuckle. She narrows her eyes, “alright, eat up alright, I’m going to watching a show, if you need me in downstairs.” She lets you know before shutting your door. You couldn’t let the soup go cold so you eye it for a moment before sighing and sitting at your desk, both hands cupping the curve of the bowl and, you guessed it, downed it in one go. You wiped your mouth fast and think of a route out and looking outside of your bedroom didn’t seem like a far jump down. You grabbed your phone and your jacket and tried to sneak out. It was a success. You sighed in relief and walked down the back streets, hood up, to the forest.

Dancing in the dark.

Stumbling through the leaves and decaying animals, you managed to enter the mystical forest you dreamed of going into you. The air was different, it stung to breathe in but perhaps that was the cold weather who knows. You hear a crunch of a twig snapping in half which startled you, your head whipped around to see nothing but the leaves swaying in the icy breeze. Inhale. Exhale. You went on your way further. The darkness made it difficult to see anything, you squint your eyes to check your surroundings. Are there still these supernatural creatures living or were they all killed off? The buzzing in your mind catches you off guard and you strip on a piece of concrete and reach out to grab the leafy floor although it was another concrete brick like textured object. Frantically, you search for your phone and press the flash button to see a staircase. A gasp leaves your mouth and you stand yourself up. The towering structure, two turrets and one fragmented turret loomed over you dauntingly. “that must be where he was held..” you whisper to yourself. A flash occurred from the corner of your eye and you were shaken by the suddenness of it. It seemed like a candlelight was blown out from the middle room of the castle but you weren’t too certain. You were hesitant to go inside but you took a deep breathe and you did. How bold of you. The doors were tall, around 7 feet tall with two ring handles, which seemed to be made out of a type of metal. The colour was faded and rusty. Your fingers brushed over it but the heavy, wooden doors gracefully opened welcomingly. The relinquished palace had a strong aura, an aura of life. You peer through the doors to see the interior cold and untouched. The mess of the table, an earring to gleaming in the moonlight next to your feet. You pick it up. This must be Prince Jungkook’s lover’s earring. You begin to explore this castle, the unbelievable history was at your finger tips right now. You look up to the stained glass windows that looked to the full moon, your necklace was shining bright… brighter than usual. Your curiosity took you to the broken turret room, the bed soaked in blood from that specific evening, the box let wide open with crystals and stone. “That must be from my grandmother,” you pick up the crystals, “holy water and herbs, what a great pair.” A voice spoke from behind your startling you. You turned around but no one was there; was it his voice still echoing in this room, does his spirit still roam?

“no, don’t be stupid, spirits can’t scream,” He chuckles. Why did he sound a lot like Taehyung? “Taehyung?” you stutter, “oh! It worked, wow I’m so happy,” Jungkook chuckles, “years of practice what can I say, the Kim’s were easy to mirror.”

You couldn’t believe it, it really was him in real life but you froze from fear and shock. “frightened now are we?” his eyes were glowing an fiery red, “go ahead, run like they all did,” he smirks before giving you way. You drop the crystals and you clutch to your necklace but as you bolt to the front door, stumbling down the stairs, he was already there waiting for you. “hm I’ve gotten quite good at this haven’t I My Love,” he smirks before you felt a pang of fear in your heart. You tripped over the concrete stairs again and you get back up again, running to the main town. Little did you know, you lost your necklace making you a lot more vulnerable than you think.

You climb onto the bins and try to pry your window open again and sneak back in. The lights were off so you had to be quiet. “my necklace!” you gasp at the realisation you lost it.

Your nightmares were vivid, like your were being attacked by him since you didn’t feel safe without your necklace. You didn’t know what it did but it kept you safe.

The necklace helps keep you safe from compulsion. Compulsion from a vampire is dangerous especially when they know you’re a witch, they can almost ask you for anything and use you for their own benefit. The necklace should always be worn, never taken off. The ring a vampire wears is keeps them from scorching in the sunlight, so they are among us – Witches society 1800’s

“Whatever, I’ll go back and find it,” you shake your head and open your eyes during the early hours of the morning. Two glowing orbs moved from your window and you rubbed your eyes and turned away. Your heart beat hard, like it was going to beat out of your chest.

You felt uneasy the next day at school but you went on as you would do. “have you seen Taehyung today?” Jimin asks pointing at him standing against his locker with your necklace in his hands. Anger flooded through your blood stream, why does HE have it? “Taehyung! Why did you take my necklace again?” you seemed to have forgotten what happened the night before. “what? I found this at the ca-“ he stopped himself, “hm, I see.. apologies here take it back,” he hands to you with a glint of mischief in his eyes, “only if you promise to help me find him.” You gasped at the absurd deal but you wanted to find him too, you wanted to know more. “fine..” you sigh and he smirks, “perfect…”

Why did you forget about what happened last night? Was it because you were under some sort of compulsion; the orbs? It must’ve been him. “Did you know your ancestors were from the line of the most powerful witches?” Taehyung whispers to you in film class. “yes, I did, how do you even know that?” You reply dryly. “Well your ancestors were of great help to us hunters,” he leans back in his chair, “although some of you were in love with the Prince and his family,” he scoffs. What did he mean by that? “huh? Elaborate please?” you ask him, pausing your written plan and turning to him. “My ancestors left letters, diaries and capsules for us and there was a division amongst the witches; some of you lot protected the prince and others wanted him dead so all the vervain plants in this town and perhaps all over the world were cursed as a repellent for compulsion, some other magic stuff was involved but I’m a hunter,” he starts off, “So the Lady of Prince Jungkook had a close link with the witches to protect her lover but unfortunately he turned and her assistant began to protect him since he did a lot for their family, no one knows of what happened to the Lady but legend has it that she was turned by something else I don’t really know and-“ you interrupt him, “you know awfully a lot don’t know hm…” you began to get suspicious of him but the crest on his jacket seemed believable enough. “maybe we should hang out after classes to actually talk about our history” his lips curl and he looks back at the teacher at the front of the room.

Later that afternoon; you and Taehyung sit face to face, opposing each other at a local café. “so, you are from the witches who kept these vampires safe and I’m obviously a hunter,”  you taps his fingers on the table, “you’re not a hunter you’re a descendant don’t get too cocky Tae,” you rolls your eyes. “Have you done magic?” he asks you, “well obviously not?” you take your cup and sip aggressively at his stupid remarks trying to drown it out. “I see, but you know what that necklace does right?” he points at your neck as the stone hung down. You shake your head. “stop compulsion and it’s also a poison to vampires,” he nods. “is it now…” you sounded unfazed. His hand touched your hand and you felt a strange sensation. Your body went into shock and a bright light flashed at your eyes and you were able to see something, like a movie but you were actually there. You saw yourself running away but your were inside of the castle, the lights were bright and you felt fear. You saw people with stakes and fire, as well as bows and arrows shooting at the turrets. It was the day the prince turned. Why were you running away? He lets his hand off you. “how was that? Did you know you could do that?” he smugly smiles. You felt your chest pang with pain and you felt breathless. “what the fuck was that?” you kick him under the table. “you just saw your past life, that’s all…”

So was Jungkook’s lover a witch too? Were you her? You couldn’t be. “I think we should go back to the castle, I want to check something,” you say, “now we’re talking little Witch,” he pats your head. “don’t fucking call me that, “you push his hand away, “disgusting.”

“Hey Aunt, I’m going to a friends house to stay over is that okay?” you ask her politely. “Of course! You can call me whenever you need to okay.” She smiles and waves. This was your chance to collect items from the castle. You met Taehyung at the taped trees where it said ‘no trespassing’ yet you and him crawled underneath and wondered deep inside the forest. “Wow, what if we just kissed here,” he nudged you. “I’ll tell you now, I have zero interest in you Hunter boy, shut up and start looking,” you sounded a tad bit aggressive but you had to show your place. You arrived at the entrance again although no lights in sight. The door was opened from the night before so you walked in, holding your necklace for protection; “I want to go to the study room,” you point and Tae nods. The study room was extravagant the walls opaqued with leather spined books. Your fingers brushed over them until one of them caught your eye. It was a book on Folklore but wedged between it was a thick envelope. You pulled it out, the wax seal opened and a fire damaged letter amongst others. They were love letters exchanged between him and his lover and one of them which he seemed to have opened when he was in the church. He managed to save it. You pull out a photograph too of his lover and you look at it closely, inspecting every detail until realising how much she looked like you. “doppelgänger?” you gasp before Taehyung wonders in finding something. “Hey, has there always been running electricity here?” he asks you. “it’s a really old castle so there shouldn’t be,?” you reply to him, shoving the letters in your bag. Taehyung switches a light on and back off. “you shouldn’t be snooping around my office…” Jungkook sits at his desk, legs up his eyes glinting a fire red. “You know, it’s been a while since I tasted any human blood in years, no one seems to give me any company…” You see a black shadow move to the light switch out the door and back to the seat in under a second. “oh yes and um.. you guys are trapped in here,” he smiles playfully. “now, what should we play? Spin the bottle and the first human it lands on I drain you? Sounds fair right?”

“we didn’t mean any harm, I was just curious what was in here because-” you were interrupted, “I know you didn’t mean any harm witch, I mean him,” his eyes began to burn a bright red, his fangs appearing as he smiled, his eyes dark. “nono, I’m not like them I’m just a highschool kid!” Jungkook nods at him pleading. “you know, the more scared you are the sweeter your blood tastes,” he charges at him and you squeal. “STOP!” Jungkook stops, his fangs and eyes turning back to normal. There was something about you that you didn’t know about yet Jungkook did. “Seems like you missed out on you history classes,” he chuckles before he gazed into Taehyung’s eyes and whispers something. “So, why did you want to snoop into my castle? Steal from me?” he scoffs as Taehyung moves to stand next to you. The necklace was dangling out of your bag and he carefully pulled it out and Jungkook smiled as he did so. “Leave from here..” His eyes glow a yellow this time and there as a feeling within you that you had to leave. Taehyung dropped the necklace to the floor and you had an urge to run away from this castle. Adrenaline began to seep into your system as Jungkook whispers “boo,” you bolted out the door which flung open. The rapid steps you too through the leaves was frantic and desperate to leave. His sly tricks; he used Taehyung’s weak body to compel you. You were vulnerable now.

Weeks went by and you had a memory which you couldn’t remember, a void in your mind, pure emptiness. You move your bag to the floor to empty a seat next to you in your history class but Taehyung wasn’t in today. Although someone else was. He looked familiar and like you knew him but you thought nothing of it. “hey, long time no see?” his lips curl into a smile and pushes his dark hair back. What? But when you blinked he was gone again. You were seeing things and you thought you were genuinely delusional to the point a doctor’s appointment sounded good. “yo guys?” you asked Jimin and Yoongi as you guys sat in the basketball court that lunch break. “Was a new student admitted today or am I going crazy?” You think carefully. “no new students today, you my friend need to lay off the caffeine and start sleeping, you’re up at like 3am every single day?” Jimin sighs, “SLEEP WILL YOU!” Your friends thought you were going a little crazy but you took their advice. You were feeling fatigued and low when you arrived home and your aunt was sitting on the couch with someone. “hey! Your friend came over to return this saying you lost it at school,” it was the necklace you thought you had. What, how? “hey there! Thought I’d come visit you to return this,” he smiles and his eyes glint the amber tone. Fuck. Jungkook compelled you to forget that day you and Taehyung went to the castle, he was playing mind games all day. So he was in school but only in your mind or had some power where he couldn’t be seen? “I was asking your aunt if we could hang out more often since you keep avoiding me these days,” his tongue rests on his fang before retracting them when your aunt faces him. “what a nice boy,” your aunt smiles, “of course you guys can hang out I’m more than happy to allow that, in fact now would be great since I have an interview to go to” she gets up in a hurry and grabs her bag. “where?” you ask her. “The café and bar down the road from here?” your aunt looks at you suspiciously. “Oh okay,” you say nervously before you and Jungkook were left in your house alone together.

“You’re not a very smart witch now are you, a little bit clumsy hm,” he hums, he stands up and moves closer to you. “since I have been invited in, no salt or garlic will ward me off..” he smiles mischievously, “your family gave me permission to enter, a little careless to be quite frank with you,” he rolls his eyes and smirks. “what do you want…” your voice shakes but you feel frozen. “What do you think? New blood…” with his power of speed, pushing your by your shoulders to the wall, his eyes sharp. “don’t mess this up for me okay, don’t do it again…” you felt a surge of emotions and visions moving through your mind, you could feel pain and resent , the feeling of betrayal and devastation, your neck burning on your left side before he let go of you. “You just saw everything didn’t you?” His voice profound. “I-” you gulp “what if I did? I don’t have control over it!” you pant after using that energy. “no one has done that for years, I guess you are useful after all even if you are the dumbest witch I’ve ever seen…” he scoffed. “well I guess I’ll go but I’ll see you when I need you to find her, bye dumb witch” he waves as he just walks out of the front door with no care in the world, like he’s a normal human. “I’M NOT A DUMB WITCH!” you screamed internally before slamming the door. It seemed like he was searching for his lover but why would she be alive now.. unless someone turned her?

A few months went by with no contact from Jungkook until your phone pinged in class this one day during class from a random number.

“look outside the window, meet me outside now.”

What the hell? You did what the text asked you to do and you see Jungkook in a jacket that you recognise. It was a leather jacket embellished with large silver button on the front, isn’t that yoongi’s. “yes witch it is yoongi’s but I didn’t kill him, hurry up,” he could hear your thoughts. You ignore him and moments later the fire alarm goes off. He was like a little demon causing trouble in your life!

You manage to go outside to evacuate, and he pulls you aside and used his powers to move away from the site. “Can you see into the past using this?” it was the letters and the photo you took but he got them back somehow. You didn’t want to admit to stealing them. “I don’t know how to use my powers,” you mutter “what… you don’t what…” he stands towering over you, “just try, I don’t know manifest it or whatever you do?”

He was clueless yet desperate to get answers about his beloved. “I have to read up on this I really don’t know much,” you panic before he holds you hands between his, the letters and photos sandwiched between you palms. He was the closest thing to her and it worked, his energy worked.

–

You saw a night sky, the stars scattered across the sky like precious jewels it’s luminescent light beaming down with a full moon perched just above one of the towers. His beloved stood at the castle doors after Jungkook’s father’s death, the empty halls echoing Jungkook’s shrieks of pain. It was empty, or so she thought. But you felt a sensation, it was harsh and painful like something piercing through skin. It was Seokjin. “every single one of my prey are stupid,” he tuts before draining her and leaving her lifeless corpse to someone else. There was a crowd of people, hunter supposedly; “Stop, isn’t this the woman that was supposed to marry the prince?” One of them gasped. “yes sir, it was but is she dead?” another queries. “Seems so Hunter… do you think Jungkook is still alive?” the leader tuts. “I don’t think so, the fire seemed difficult to escape from…”

But during that time Jungkook left for Europe, to be safe, to join the European vampire population for a while before returning a few hundred years later.

–

Jungkook’s pale skin became paler with anticipation. “so… what did you see?” he asks, eyes full of hope. “she died… a long, long time ago..” you gulp pulling your hands away before running the opposite direction. Jungkook catches up. “Oi witch,” he chuckles nervously, “you better be joking,” his voice trembles and slowly turns into anger. “Who killed her, tell me, tell me how she died witch or I will kill you for being so useless!” he raises his voice. “I don’t know! He had pale skin and dark hair, broad shoulders and he was a vampire too!” you yelp. Jungkook steps back. “seokjin attacked my Princess… knowing I was waiting for her…” Jungkook’s voice became sorrowful, his heart shattering into a million pieces there and then. “I searched for her for years and what’s the point now..” his fiery eyes shoot at you. “what can you do to fix this, to bring her back, you can do it right?”

“I-I don’t know how, please don’t hurt me,” you cover yourself with your arms. “I wont hurt you.. you did the best you could and I cant be angry at you, I’m sorry”

You could feel his pain, his heart tightening and not releasing at the though of the love of his life being gone. “is there anything I can do to help you?” you ask hoping there was something you could help with. “you could stake me?” His voice was lifeless and monotonous. “I don’t think I want to Jungkook, if it makes you feel better I have always been interested in you and your history, my great grandmother told us about how everything was like back in her times and-” Jungkook interrupted you; “who was your great grandmother what did she do?” You felt a connection now, there was something he unlocked. You explained to him how your great grandmother was a part of the powerful witches in her time and how his lover was close with her. Although that’s when it hit you that that was her story she was telling and you unlocked a new timeline. “you are no way the descendant of-“ he paused, “let me process this, so I am talking to a close relative, well distant but you know of the woman I was meant to marry.. it makes so much sense why you looked like her I followed you around every where thinking it was her but I have been proven wrong and I’m sorry…”

he followed me? It all made sense.. the glowing orbs outside the window, the strange noises you’d hear every night, the vivid nightmares.

“oh, that’s fine,” you didn’t know what more to say but you felt bad for him. Jimin texted you and said that everyone was sent home because there was a gas leak in the school. “ah great, we’ve been sent home because of a gas leak,” you sigh, “well, I guess I’ll be going sorry for not being much help.” You say before turning around and making your way to the street. Jungkook grabs your arm. “wait, I’ve been so lonely and constantly on the run,” he begins, “it would be nice to have a friend that’s close to home,” he smiles. He genuinely smiled at you; “me? Didn’t you call me dumb?” you tut, “okay maybe I did and maybe you are but hey there’s no harm in some teasing hm?” he eases on his grip. “well, okay I suppose but where Taehyung?” you ask him suspicious of his intentions. “Oh, I told him to stay away from you since I knew how his ancestors were like, not nice people I’ll tell you,” You nod you head, interested in what he had to say. Maybe this would change things around, make your boring life a little more interesting.

Weeks went by and you didn’t hear from Jungkook which was of surprise to you since HE was the one pleading you almost to be friends. It was around 1am and you sat at your window watching the moon and the stars as the breeze brushes against your legs. You sigh, what a mad world you lived in? People think you’re crazy but the crazy people think you’re fascinating. Funny. You noticed little trinkets and strange objects being wedged or put outside your window. First it was some sort of herb then it was a gold chain with a rose that opened to store powders to other herbal substances in. “Nice moon right?” Jungkook smiles making you yelp nearly tumbling out of the window. “How are you in my ro-“ his finger rests on your lips and hushes you. “Shifting, finally mastered it, wanna go out for a bit and talk?” he asks and flashes a mischievous smile. “1am? Are you crazy?” You gasp. “you’re asking a vampire who eats people if they’re crazy…” you look at him and blink. “I don’t eat people only those who deserve it,” his cheeks puff up as he smiles. “okay fine lemme just ge-“ before you could finish any sentence he grabbed you around your waist and you both were somehow on the ground. “You need to stop doing that, I have motion sickness,” you breathe. “maybe you should collect some leaves for that then,” Jungkook sarcastically remarks and you groan at his incompetency to communicate without insulting you. “please, stop insulting me,” you roll your eyes. “but… you’re a bit of a idiot though… you couldn’t even figure out how to use your necklaces and utilise your herbs what if I killed you huh?” he shoved you as you walked through the empty town. “then I DIE? Oh wait you wouldn’t know that because you’re IMMORTAL!” you scoff, “bet you don’t even know how death feels like,” you cross your arms.

Jungkook laughs at you getting angry at what he says. He’s been around long enough to figure out how to tease. He looks around to see if anything was open. “there’s that diner place open,” Jungkook points. “please stop reading my thoughts, it’s weird and creepy!” You mumble and he chuckles. “Scared I’ll see something I shouldn’t?” he nudges you gently before opening the door to let you in first.

“Jungkook, long time no see,” the owner smiles with such delight as she goes to hug him. You were confused and downright shocked to see such close interaction. “this is the owner, I don’t think you met her, she’s very sweet almost like my mother,” Jungkook’s arm drapes around her shoulder. “how long have you known him for?” You ask knowing for a fact that Jungkook is a few hundred years old. “He came in a couple years ago drenched in the rain, he seemed so exhausted,”

I wonder why…

“ohh okay, fair enough, just so you know I’m not his girlfriend or anything,” you tut before sitting down. “I love the steaks here, they’re so .. tender,” Jungkook teases. “please don’t put me off-“ you raise your hand gesturing ‘stop’. He sat back and let the waitress do her job. You sat there with food in front of you and Jungkook gesturing for you to eat, “promise you wont kill me will you, I’ve had enough of the tension of you trying to kill me,” Jungkook’s eyes widen. “oh no no you got the wrong idea, I want to befriend you not k-“ he whispers, “kill you?”

“right so what DO you want,” you chew as you speak. “friendship dumb witch what else? Just a companion until you die or something,”

Great, just another person to use you again.

“mmh okay,” your unsure, monotonous voice echoes in his ears.

Since the night at the diner you had a bittersweet relationship with Jungkook and ever since that day, he began to wait outside you school to see you and hang out with you or sometimes turn up at your house. He was suspicious to you but you went with it to do your own investigating.

“Why are you here?” your harsh tone a little too harsh for Jungkook’s liking. He gazed at you and then your aunt; “hey is your niece allowed to come to mine since we have a project to study for?” he shouts out to her and she turns around elated. “oh of course anytime! Thank you for asking for permission, I’m not good at this parenting stuff,” he scratches the back of her head. “what do you think you’re doing?” your intonation increases. “a favour trust me,” he winks at you and then smiles at your aunt. “come on then, we better be going since it’s super important!”

You were confused and unsure how to react. What did he want from you that needed you to be away from the town – it was incredibly suspicious. You and Jungkook walked down the main street towards a small gap behind some buildings. “what- where are you taking me?” Your stutter and Jungkook sighs, noticeably annoyed at you for being so uncooperative. “maybe it’s easier if I just do this-“ he groans as he swipes you of your feet and all you felt was a huge gust of wind in your face. Your face, unconsciously, buried itself into Jungkook’s chest as you gripped onto his arm for safety. He needs to not use his speed on you without notice, motion sickness is not fun. After meandering through the trees and trampling over dead leaves he arrives to the destination. “if I put you down you will throw up on my stairs and I do not want that witch,” he grins as he saw your face embarrassed since he read your thoughts. “also it is not weird you buried you head into my chest, quite frankly, I enjoyed that,” he chuckles as you slap his chest defensively, “don’t make fun of me!”

He seats you down on a chair, embellished in gold and a burgundy velvet, the arms a solid wood. All the chairs were like this, the royal aura still remained. “everything is fully functioning because over the years I adapted and I fixed things here and there, the only thing not working right now is the dismantled turret,” he laughs thinking this ‘joke’ was funny. You let out a nervous laugh. You weren’t going to lie to yourself but your heart acted strangely when he showed his true self to you. “you were interested in discovering more about the castle so why not give you a tour!” as he began he gently took your hand considering you were feeling a little sick from the sudden, rapid movement. Your heart did it again, stop.

Jungkook started off with the dining and study area going into depth about how his father would do his work there and how he would sometimes fall asleep. Jungkook spent most his time in this study when he read books and learnt more about the world around him and. The grand staircase; he helped you up the stairs, hand in hand and showed you the east side and the west side. There was a locked door in one of the walls which caught your eye. “What’s this?” you ask Jungkook, “ well that used to be the execution dungeon and since my father died I never opened it once,” he continues to walk up as you nod your head affirmatively. “Finally this is my bedroom, since my one was well… destroyed,” you gulp. You look around; the brown and beige colour scheme was very modern although the lights were still chandeliers. The walls were all painted a hazelnut tone but there was gold embellishing on the side skirting.  There was a combination of modern and historical aspects, it was fascinating. You felt an odd connection to the castle but you never understood why and thought nothing of it yet again. “my love looked exactly like you,” he sat down solemn on his bed and pats the space beside him for you to sit next to him. “I remember she used to pick those lavenders in the lavender fields with her maid over there,” he points out of the window where there was a windmill but the land was replaced by plain dirt. “she loved blossoming flowers, Gypsophila, she loved those,” he trailed off as he looks at a broke stem on his bed side table. “I though he’d turn her, he promised he would for me?” you stopped him there. “wait who is this ‘he’ you’re taking about?” you ask engrossed in his own history. “Seokjin, member of one of the first ever vampires, he turned me for no reason other than boredom,” he groans in annoyance, “why me?”

“does he not visit now and then or is he just travelling all the time?” you ask. “of course, he’s living his life, committing crimes, getting the women he loves and left a hopeless, family-less prince alone for years, he lied to me,” his voice cracked. “Hey, don’t worry it must’ve been hard for you to be alone all these years and fend for yourself! That’s just cruel,” your hand settles on his shoulder and he falls to your lap. “now, you’re the only friend I have and who doesn’t think I’m insane…” he begins “but the downside is you look like her and I don’t know what to feel?”

You needed answers. Everything he said made sense although you needed to find out more and your grandmother’s friends were the place to go… at some point.

As you sat at a table in the cafeteria with Jimin and Yoongi you scroll through your messages from your aunt since you searched for any contacts your grandmother left behind. There was one person who you knew quite well though you needed some time to visit her. “what are you doing, you’ve been so distant from us we don’t hang out anymore?” Yoongi confronts your odd behaviours, “yeah you have and it feels like you don’t want to hang out because we saw-“ Yoongi eyes Jimin to be quiet. What was being said about you? “what? Saw what?” you ask looking at them both, “the dude that waits for you outside like everyday, you never said you got into a relationship?” Jimin crossed his arms. “look, that isn’t my boyfriend for starters, he just needs some help with finding someone who was close to me,” you lie a bit, “he’s just someone who knows my family and I’m helping him until he leaves, don’t get mad at me for it,” you pleaded. They both look at each other and nod; “fine, I’m assuming you’re busy today too?” Yoongi sips at his drink. You nod. “as I thought, alright no problem we’ll organise something some other time,”

Phew. You were off the hook. After school that day, you went home to pack a bag with some necessary items like your portable charger, some snacks, your purse, a hair tie and just an extra set of clothes if you got stuck somewhere. “hey Aunt, I’m going to visit grandmother’s friend, is that okay?” you ask her ad she stares as your bag. “how long for sweetie?” she points, “oh not too long, I just have stuff in there for emergencies since buses don’t go there often,” you nod. “hmm okay, fine keep messaging me and updated! Be safe,” She waves. You open the door and Jungkook stands there, a new phone in his hand. “got an upgrade!” he smiles “wait, where are you off to?” he asks as he follows you to the bus stations. “no where, just go home,” you mutter. “no tell me or I’ll read your mind!” he threatens -playfully of course- , and you stop walking. “just leave me alone this once and let me find something out alone without you constantly invading my privacy! Get a grip vampire!” your tone was harsh and frustrated. “there was no need for that but apologies witch, I’ll leave you, farewell.” His smile faded and his playful face vanished. He turned around and walked away without turning back and eventually disappeared into the dark nothingness.

You tried to brush it off but to think that’s how his past lover might’ve acted towards him made you feel guilty. The bus was empty, as dead as night, only a few travellers boarding to visit people or for other reasons that no one knows about. The engine growled as the driver sighed as he waited for all the passengers to board. You situated yourself on the left, three rows from the back placing your bag next to you so no one sat with you. The bus jolted and began to move out of the bay it was parked in; the journey began. The stars covered the bleak sky and your head rested on the cold glass of the bus. Your phone flashes blue; “hope your journey is safe!” it was Jimin sending you a text message. Your grandmother’s friend’s house was around 2 hours away so the journey was a long one indeed and the last stop was directly near her home. During the trip you drifted off and the dream you had felt like a message. You saw fire, blazing flames and hear shrieks and screams but from your point of view, you were running far far away. You saw a carriage and a white horse which you climbed into and you began to go somewhere, like it was an escape. The area was a rural area, with flower fields and a windmill – one of which you recognised- although there is where you dream stopped and the bus driver was standing next to your seat. “Sorry ma’am but this is the last stop, are you getting off here?” he asks you a little concerned. “oh yeah that’s fine, this is the stop I needed anyway!” you frantically grab your bags and run off the bus. There was barely any lights except for one house which was visibly your grandmothers friends home. You remember the windmill behind her home and the large flower field that stretched out for miles. You knock on the door and it immediately opens. “I was expecting you darling,” she smiles as she lets you in to get warm and comfortable.

“I know what you’re here, I’ve been feeling a strange energy for a couple months, something supernatural?” she utters, “am I right that you’ve encountered supernatural energy?” she asks straightforwardly. “how did you even know” you ask her your mouth semi gaping open. “your grandmother left me a few things and one of them was a necklace connected to you,” she smiles as she shows her wrist with the stone with your initial on it. “ like voodoo?” your eyes widen. “no silly, it’s to keep you protected,” she smiles setting down an herbal tea in front of you. You sip it and it tasted bitter; “sweet isn’t it?” the woman asks, “you can call me your grandmother by the way.” You look at her strangely. “is the tea supposed to be sweet because it’s too bitter?” the ‘grandmother’ shakes her head, “you’ve been interacting with this supernatural energy, have you been put under compulsion,” she asks concerned. “well that’s why I’m here, I met the Vampire Prince and he said that I look like his past love or something and that there’s a strong connection with me and his past so I came here for you to look at my past life?” you explain to her briefly. “past life? Connection to THE vampire prince? I haven’t heard of him in years I thought he was killed that’s what my great grandmother told your grandmother before she passed?” she thought carefully, “okay what did you want to know? Your past life?” she asks again, and you nod your head sure and certain that’s what you wanted to do.

You sat in the armchair and she began to speak to you until you suddenly went into a dream like state. From then you had no idea what was happening in the real world.

Your past life was blessed with riches and wealth. You were in your early 20’s and had a good life til then. You had a cousin who was by your side all the time and you spent most of your time together in the lavender fields and at banquets with your past life father’s family. There was a lot of gold and white, lace and silk. You wrote long hand written letters and sealed them, storing them in a brown tea stained envelope with a rosemary tied to it with a small length of tweed string. From the riches and wealth it declined after you ran away from a castle, your pearl earring falling from your ear. You also tried to run away but were stopped by another entity and that’s when you passed away.

So it did make sense. You were a perfect reincarnated version of the vampire prince’s first love. It made sense how you were a witch too, it made sense how your parents were murdered. It was the hunters trying to cleanse the town of all witches since they sided with the vampires. You opened your eyes from your hypnosis and felt your cheeks wet. “don’t worry, now you have your answer use it wisely,” she says as she goes to the kitchen. Maybe seeing Jungkook next might be the next best idea. Although tonight you had to stay here since it was already late enough and your grandmother’s friends let you stay for the night.

Jungkook sat on his bed looking at the stem on his bedside table. He sighed wishing he could bring her back but what use was there if she grew a bitterness to him because of him being a vampire. The new version of her was so much more open minded and considerate. She was different but also the same but all that mattered is that he felt accepted by you. Perhaps the Prince was falling in love again and wouldn’t that be predictable if he felt accepted. “it could’ve been this way if you weren’t so afraid and trusted me…” he whispered to himself, a tear trailing down his cheek. He was certain he was falling for you, he could feel a change after all these years. Finally he felt the burden raise from his shoulders and he felt like he can move on with someone new. Change has come.

Your route home was early the next morning. The bus arrived at 8am so you needed to take that bus home so you could at least attend you afternoon classes. The bus was fuller, and you had to sit next to someone. You gave them an awkward smile and sat down although they didn’t acknowledge you at all and ignored you. 2 hours felts too long but you dealt with it. Fast forward to when you arrived, you went home to grab your books to go attend classes. You felt some ease knowing your past and your connections it also seems like Taehyung transferred elsewhere after the threats he got from Jungkook. You seat yourself in your class and Jimin hands you over the notes taken for another class, you mouth ‘thank you’ as you take them off him. “how was your trip?” Jimin asked. “it was okay, actually it was great!” you smiled. Something seemed to have changed since to left for a day.

When your afternoon classes ended, you walked out with Yoongi and Jimin waving them goodbye since they had other plans for the evening. You see Jungkook leaning against the fence waiting for you and waved at you. He has a glow today and seemed really ecstatic. “hey, are you alrig-“ before you could even finish your sentence he pulled you into a hug. “I feel great,” he smiles, “wanna grab a coffee? It’s on me,” he smiles, his bunny like teeth showing. It was truly endearing. You nod your head, “of course!” the change of behaviour making you feel something in your stomach. Butterflies? Possibly, yes.

You sit at a table in a rustic looking coffee house and Jungkook goes to order two coffees, one being a caramel macchiato with extra caramel drizzle and a black coffee with an extra espresso shot. “ you seem so happy today? Whats up,” you ask him drinking your black coffee. He smiles shyly, you’ve never seen this side of him before; “I guess I’ve moved on after all these years,” he sips his sweet drink, “I found someone else,” Oh someone else… “is she pretty do I know her?” you pretend to act dumb. “yes, yes you are.” He looks at your, eyes full of love. It made sense, his past lover was bitter towards him and the universe let him start again with you. “me?” you point at yourself, “don’t be stupid why wo-“ he interrupts, “because you accepted me, no one else did and if they did it was the work of compulsion.” He gulped. “I mean it would be wrong for a vampire and a witch to be together any way right?” He chuckled nervously. “I don’t think so…” you began to let your suppressed feelings seep through. “it’s not a crime is it, to love someone who makes you feel the way you do?” you begin to mumble nervous that the words spewing out of your mouth made sense. “are you telling me Little Witch that you shared the same feelings,” his cockiness took over again. “oh my god you ruined the moment with your cockiness!” you swing  your head back in frustration, “yes yes I do, is that clear enough?”

Despite you being passive aggressive, he found it charming. After your lowkey coffee date, you both walked along the stream that was near the town with beautiful greenery. His hand nervously tried to slip into yours as you walked but he freaked out every time. “what’s wrong, the herbs getting to you?” you tease. “huh what, what herbs are you trying to poison me!” he pretends being over dramatic. “The herbs behind those mushrooms there,” you point and go to collect them into your little metal tin box. “don’t worry I’ll wash my hands in the stream so you can hold it, it’s getting pretty heavy for me,” you cringed at your pick up line but Jungkook appreciated it. “with your advice, I borrowed a book from someone that was passed down for generations so I can practice witchcraft properly!” You tell Jungkook as his hand holds yours. “wow you actually took my advice,” he becomes shy. “this isn’t like you, you’re usually so confident and cocky,” you laugh before he smiles and uses his speed to push you up against a tree as he looks at you with eyes full or adoration. “is this more like me now?” his fingers brushing down the side of your cheeks and tucking your hair behind your ear. He admired every inch of your face and you stared back at him in awe. Without anything being said he had his first kiss with you after all these years waiting for the other version of you. The kiss only lasted a couple seconds since it was a peck and he moved back and lovingly gazed into your eyes for a little bit before your hands cupped his jaw and brought it closer to your lips for something a little more meaningful than a peck. Although midway through the kiss, drops of rainfall plunged from the grey clouds looming above you. “ugh,” Jungkook groaned before he swiped you up again, “hang on tight,” he smiled sweetly before speeding to his home sheltering you from the rain. “are you feeling okay because I know last time you weren’t feeling the best.” He asked you. “yes I’m fine,” you brush yourself down from where the rain did catch you.

Months passed and your relationship with him grew. You were both at your happiest until Seokjin came to visit one day. “I see you found another one,” he scoffs, “what a lousy vampire you are!” he leans against the wall of his castle. “leave her alone, I know what you did to my first love!” Jungkook growls. “or what? Are you going to kill me,” you laughs manically. “being a vampire means being alone and just using people for your own good,” Seokjin was cold, “either you break her heart or I will, your choice” he threatens. “Seokjin, leave, just go I don’t know what you’re on my tail,” Jungkook yells. “you’re a vampire not a wolf idiot, and because you are one of my creations,” he laughs again. “you wouldn’t kill her,” Jungkook states, “you’re right I wouldn’t, but I can kill you and devour your corpse, your choice…”

He leaves again but his words meant nothing to Jungkook. Was there a reason to why he killed his first love and threatened him about Jungkook’s current girlfriend now? There was. A hidden history no one knew about, not even Jungkook. He ignored him and continued his relationship with you inviting you to his castle that day. “hey, what’s wrong?” you ask him, embracing him after the phone call you had. “can you stay with me today?” he asks. “yeah I can but what’s wrong?” Jungkook didn’t reply. He didn’t speak but he arms wrapped around your body and embraced you back. “just be with me, like this for a little while,” little did you know he was battling an actual war with Seokjin but he refused to let anything get between you and him. He would risk his life for you, fight for you. Losing himself would be better than losing you and he lived by that. Beneath the ‘Vampire Prince’ image was just a poor boy who lost everything. You lean back and lift his head up as it was drooping so low. Without any notice, his lips landed carefully onto yours and his arm around your waist pulls you closer although the atmosphere was different. He was scared and desperate. He said nothing but only a small apology left his lips. He was gentle and slow but began to feel desperate for more than a mere kiss. His kisses trail down the side of your lip to your jaw and as much as you trusted him you were a little frightened at his cravings. “don’t-” you panic. He looks at you with pleading eyes, “I promise, I will never hurt you,” his voice cracked. He was deceived and left stranded to be killed by his previous lover, you were his only anchor now. He began to get slightly more passionate that before and using his speed abilities, you found yourself in his bedroom, you still between his arms. You knew he wouldn’t cross the line, he wanted whatever you wanted, and this is where you were most comfortable with. Jungkook proceeded to continue his actions moving closer to his bed and gently laying you down as he situated himself over you. The passion within him was burning like a fire, he was waiting for the day he could care for the love of his life.

Star crossed lovers. The universe tested you and will continue to do so. Was love such a crime? All Jungkook knew was to keep you safe even if it meant risking it all, he didn’t want to be in such excruciating pain ever again. Even if he was happy with you, he was paranoid and scared of all the possibilities that could happen but right now it was just you, him and the history that combined your love together and satisfied you both. Each-others presence was enough and if Seokjin ever took you away from him, let there be war.

[davidmann95]

Thoughts (if any) on DC's April 2021 solicitations?

Let’s take ‘em in order! I should be able to muster up a comment on just about everything one way or another.

Green Lantern #1: Oh this is gonna be bad. Heard only the worst about Thorne’s Future State: Green Lantern, and I assume Jo Mullein’s DCU debut will be wasted here to either function as some kind of ridiculous ‘popularity contest’ with Teen Lantern for who gets the bigger push, or as a way to put TL over with a few “good work kid, you got a future” comments. Also, and granted I don’t know how Morrison will end or this will begin, is the New Guardians angle being immediately dropped?

Robin #1: Dope suit, art, and premise, but it’s Williamson so I don’t care.

Batman: The Dark Knight #1: I’ll read this and I expect to like it, but between this being Kubert’s first big Batman project since Master Race, the ‘old but not quite retirement age yet’ angle, and the title, I’m concerned the shock ending here is that it’s actually a stealth DKR prequel.

The Next Batman: Second Son #1: So they really are committing here, though weird that this kinda makes Ridley’s Future State book basically a longform teaser for this. And I’ll get it as it comes out since it turns out this won’t be in that John Ridley’s Batman collection after all - sorry Dustin Nguyen, I love your stuff but I won’t buy an entire trade of material I otherwise already own just for one new story by you.

The Batman & Scooby Doo Mysteries #1: I got that whole great-looking Scooby Doo Team-Up run by Fisch for free on Comixology, I should read that sometime and see if this’ll be worth getting too as well, because it sounds like a hoot.

Challenge of the Super Sons #1: Glad people who want it are getting it, I do not care.

RWBY/Justice League #1: WILL BE GETTING A POST ALL ITS OWN

Action Comics #1030: His powers waning definitely won’t help the standard pre-run fuming by a lot of Superman fandom, but it’s an interesting pairing with PKJ apparently doing mainly cosmic Superman adventures so I’m curious where he’ll go with it. That it’s particularly cited as being tied to Death Metal might validate my suspicion that the new ‘everyone remembers their entire mainstream publishing histories’ thing will play into Johnson’s description of Clark really feeling his age at the start of the run. And Janin on covers even before he gets in on the book proper! And that Midnighter description!

Superman #30: This sounds like where Johnson’s gonna start with that worldbuilding he touted, and I’m curious; definitely reads in this instance like him shoving Clark and Jon into some swords-and-sorcery-esque territory he’s familiar with.

American Vampire 1976 #7: Not reading, don’t care.

Batman #107: I assume ‘the events at Arkham Asylum’ are the ‘A-Day’ ominously brought up in Future State solicits. Tynion Batman, Jimenez as the regular artist now, whatever the Unsanity Collective is, all entirely my shit. More importantly than any of that though, GHOSTMAKER BACKUPS. And drawn by Ricardo Lopez Ortiz, artist on Steve Orlando’s excellent The Pull! Dope!

Batman: Black & White #5: Any other issue and ‘Jamal Campbell doing a life story of Nightwing’ would probably be the highlight, but in case you somehow hadn’t heard Gillen/McKelvie are making their DC debut on a Batman vs. Riddler story here, absolutely wild.

Batman: Urban Legends #2: Even more excited for this now that I’m onboard for the Grifter and Outsiders stuff given how much those features pleasantly surprised me in Future State.

Batman/Superman #17: Injecting it isn’t enough anymore, I need to be on some kind of constant IV drip with this book. I was wondering whether it’d take the premise to further generational riffs or follow a history of mass-media Supermen and Batmen, but instead it’s veering off in a direction I never could have guessed and I couldn’t be more excited.

Batman vs. Ra’s Al Ghul #6: NOTHING CAN STOP THE ADAMSVERSE. NONE MAY DARE TRY.

Batman/Catwoman #5: Wondering how this Harley involvement plays in - I don’t imagine it’s quite what it seems given how King’s written her before. And love that Joker by Mann on the cover, major Clown at Midnight vibes.

Catwoman #30: No reason to assume this run won’t continue to rule.

Crime Syndicate #2: Dammit, I don’t think this book is going to be good, but I’m kinda tempted.

Detective Comics #1035: Wouldn’t be psyched, but Dark Detective was another pleasant surprise so I’ll give this a chance.

The Dreaming: Waking Hours #9: Again, not reading.

Far Sector #11: Sucks a little knowing we’ll never see that little ‘Young Animal’ label in the corner again after this wraps. At least it’s going out on its highest note.

The Flash #769: In a vacuum this would sound dope but I have less than no faith in this, and goddamn that’s a terrible cover.

Harley Quinn #2: I’m sure it’ll be fine, no interest.

The Joker #2: I wanna believe Tynion will be able to make this work, he keeps talking like he has more freedom on this than he has some other books, but everything about this reads like the price he has to pay for relative post-Joker War freedom on Batman.

Justice League #60: It’s Bendis/Marquez on Justice League, lots of people will complain but I’ll mostly dig it. More interested in Ram V briefly getting to write the main crew in the JLD backup.

Man-Bat #3: I’d ask why this exists - and as a matter of fact I still do - but checking out some of DC’s digital-first output recently I see Dave Wielgosz has something on the ball, so maybe he’ll be able to make this work? Perhaps I’ll check it out in trade someday if worth-of-mouth is on its side.

Nightwing #79: I maintain, this is gonna be huge. And clever move to make for how to justify Nightwing keeping up his standard way of business after Bruce loses most of his money.

Rorschach #7: A comic I will purchase and let’s continue leaving it at that.

Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? #109: DC’s highest-numbered comic (that hasn’t gone through an interim renumbering), astonishing. Not getting it myself, but respect.

Sensational Wonder Woman #2: Can’t say this sounds like my thing.

Suicide Squad #2: I’ve been swayed into checking out the Future State debut, but that’d have to really blow me away for me to follow into the main book.

Superman: Red & Blue #2: Sadly if unsurprisingly DC’s clearly not stacking this with AAA attention-grabbing names in the same way as this latest version of Batman: Black & White, but there do seem to be some interesting names from outside the usual big two roster here. And the main and Bolland cover may disappoint but holy cow that David Choe variant.

The Swamp Thing #2: I have no doubt it’ll be incredible but time and again I learn I simply don’t have it in me to care about Swamp Thing regardless of the objective quality of the effort put into him.

Sweet Tooth: The Return #6: Another one I’m not interested in.

Titans Academy #2: Oh lord so this is where they stuck Billy Batson.

Truth & Justice #3: I continue to have no idea what if anything the unifying idea of this anthology is supposed to be.

Wonder Woman #771: Wonder Woman as troubleshooter for mythological mishaps isn’t a permanently sustainable or desirable status quo but I’m down for it for as long as it lasts if it’s any good (though that Immortal Wonder Woman preview...concerned me, in spite of Jen Bartel’s jaw-dropping art).

So that’s 19-23 out of 37 I’ll be getting - if DC’s standard for success with Infinite Frontier is the proportion of their line people will be checking out, I guess it’s winning with me.

[goldenuwuswriting]

Siren’s Song

A/N: Just in case you haven’t heard this man’s heavenly vocals: A video or two! Also credit to @ncttrinities for feeding into my zero self-control and helping plan this. I might be slightly wh*pped for him.

Pairing: Nakamoto Yuta x Reader

AU: Siren! and College!

Summary: Sirens don’t exist or do they? 

“Sirens were originally Persephone’s three handmaidens. When Hades kidnapped Persephone to be his wife, Demeter gave the handmaidens beautiful golden wings so they could search the earth. They eventually gave up, making Demeter mad and causing her to curse them to an island.” Professor Nakamoto lectures alongside the powerpoint made by his TA, Johnny. You took this Greek Mythology 101 class for the easy A or so you thought. Professor Nakamoto grades based on how much effort you put into the assignment and how much you participate in class. 

“Time’s almost up for today, so your assignment for this week is to write your own siren myth.” The professor always had assignments like that. You thought that he set the class up like that to see how much the students retained from his lectures, but little did you know that he was hiding a big secret.

Professor Yuta Nakamoto was a siren and trying to teach that sirens don’t exist. The curse was just that in his opinion. The man literally looks like a god and could have been an Idol but had decided to teach to protect his secret. Johnny, his TA, came from America and was just as handsome as Yuta. Johnny was older than Yuta, but messed around and never graduated college and was the only one in the history department who knew Yuta’s secret. 

You, on the other hand, were halfway through a Master’s degree in History. You were trying to take all of the credit hours you could, just to graduate early and start your life. Midterms were a few months away, so you had to make at least an  A on them to give you a little wiggle room for the finals.

Johnny, being the greatest TA bless him (bless me achoo), hosts a study group and has office hours in Professor Nakamoto’s office before and after class almost every time. 

You had a question over the study guide that Johnny had handed out, so naturally you went to office hours to ask before heading to your next class. There was something magical about the voice you heard coming from Yuta’s office. It was so pretty and drew you in. Your feet kept moving towards the door, as if they weren’t controlled by your brain. You reached out for the door handle and turned it. Something compelled you to keep walking into the office, where Professor Nakamoto was sitting in his chair and singing under his breath. 

Yuta was shocked. You weren’t supposed to hear his ‘true’ voice. He quickly cleared his throat and asked you what you needed. You were frozen for a minute, as all of the gears in your brain started to move again, you remembered why you were there. 

“I have a question on the study guide that Johnny made. Do you know where he is?” 

“I don’t know where he is, but I could probably help you since I am the professor.” 

You wanted to laugh at yourself for being such an idiot. “The question asks for the differences between harpies and sirens. Is it for the modern idea of sirens or the original idea of them?” 

Yuta looked at you confused, shouldn’t you be questioning him on the fact that he is a siren (the answer is yes but you are too tired to realize it).  He looked at you for a moment before answering, giving you his perfect, healing smile. “Its for the modern idea of sirens, Y/N. You’re the only student who caught that.” 

“Alright, thank you and see you in class.” You took off towards your next class, mind still piecing everything together. Professor Nakamoto can’t be a siren because they don’t exist, right? Your next class went on for what seemed like hours. 

Yuta was freaking out. He called Johnny, hoping the sentient tree would answer the phone. 

“Hello?” Johnny’s disembodied voice flowed through the phone.

“I, uh, may have done something stupid and exposed myself.” 

“Nakamoto Yuta, What did you do?”

“I may or may not have been singing under my breath and Y/N got captivated with my ‘true’ voice.”

Johnny sighed and Yuta could picture the taller man rolling his eyes.

“You want me to convince them that their mind is playing tricks on them, don’t you?”

Yuta just hummed in response. 

Johnny hung up on him, not before telling him that he should be more careful. 

You were finally dismissed from class. Johnny had texted you and asked if you want to meet up at a café near campus. It was about a 15 minute walk from the building you were at. The only thing in your head was the sound of Yuta’s voice. The voice that mesmerized you, the one that belonged to a forbidden object, and the one you couldn’t have. The more you thought about your professor’s voice, the more it dawned on you that he might be a siren. You walked towards the café, pulling your jacket closer to your body, trying to get as warm as possible while walking into the wind. The fall weather was your favorite, but it still had its downsides. You pushed the door open and took a deep breath, taking in the scent of fresh roasted coffee beans and fresh baked goods. 

Johnny waved you over to the table he was sitting at. Your TA had two cups of coffee in front of him of which he handed you one. You gladly accepted the bean juice and took a sip. The two of you exchanged greetings and talked about random topics. 

“Johnny, how much do you know about Professor Nakamoto?” 

“He’s like my best friend, why?” Johnny was concerned about what you were going to say and it showed.

“I want an honest answer. Is he a siren?” You whispered those sentences. Perhaps you were going crazy with all the credit hours you were taking and the disturbing amount of sleep you were losing due to it. Everything about the professor seemed to match the exact creatures he was teaching about, obviously there were small differences. 

Loud Laughter broke you from your thoughts. “You honestly can’t believe that, Y/N. Sirens don’t exist and he is not one. I think you need to take a break from your course work or take a long nap.” 

“I guess so, but no one should have a voice that pretty.” 

Johnny helped you with a few questions on your study guide before it was time for him to go help Yuta get set up for the Introduction to ancient civilizations class. You decided to head to your dorm and sleep as Johnny suggested. 

The nap was just what you needed. Your roommate woke you up and asked if you had notes from your english class that they could borrow. Your phone’s screen lit up displaying the current time and a message from your best friend, Kun. Kun is the mom friend. He brings you food and takes care of you, so it’s no surprise when he texted you asking where you were and why you weren’t in class today. 

Johnny had met up with Yuta and practically clowned him for letting you catch on. 

“I didn’t know that they was there.” 

“Well, It would take a genius to figure out that students are going to stop in during office hours.”

“If you’re so smart, Johnny, then why aren’t you a professor?” Yuta was becoming dramatic. He picked this habit up from a few of the freshman students. The students called themselves the dream team. 

You weren’t prepared for class on Monday, knowing that you had to take the chapter test. Johnny had warned you that the professor had a project planned but he was picking the partners. You asked him to put in a good word for you, so that you would hopefully get paired with Dong Sicheng, who goes by WinWin and happens to be the professor’s favorite. WinWin was a cutie and very babie so you understood why he was the favorite. A plus to working with WinWin is that he was friends with Kun as well, so study snacks would be made for you both. 

The test was easy, probably because Johnny had explained everything to you when he asked you to get coffee. Yuta had waited for everyone to turn in the test before explaining the project, which was to come up with and market a product as business entrepreneurs (Johnny’s idea after writing an essay at 3 am and drinking red bull).  He started to call each pair.

“Dong Sicheng and Mark Lee.” There goes your chance at a decent grade, Mark was the only other student who wasn’t a freshman and had a great work ethic.  “Y/L/N Y/N and Huang Renjun.” You have heard that Renjun was a responsible boy who loved art from Kun constantly talking about him and Sicheng. Kun also said that Renjun and his three other friends referred to themselves as the dream team and they did everything together. 

The said boy came up to you and introduced himself and gave you his number. When class ended, you marched up to Johnny.

“I thought I asked you to make sure I was partnered with Sicheng.”

“I tried. Professor said no multiple times.” Johnny was trying not to smile at the memory of teasing Yuta. 

“What would he say if I ask him? I really don’t want to work with a member of the self-proclaimed ‘dream team’.” 

“He would most likely say no and to get over it, but you can try. He’s in his office.”

Johnny was sending you to war with a dangerous (read: Soft) enemy. Johnny immediately texted Yuta a heads up after you stormed out of the classroom. Yuta had anticipated someone was going to be upset at the partner choices, he just didn’t think that it was going to be you. 

You furiously rapped on the door to Yuta’s office and waited for him to tell you to enter.

“Y/N, what can I do for you?” The male had asked in a sing- song tone. The cadence of his voice quickly quelled your anger. 

“I wanted to know if I could switch Renjun for either Mark or Sicheng.” You smiled at him, silently praying to whatever gods or goddesses existed that he says yes. 

“I’m sorry, but partner pairings are final unless one partner is doing more work than the other.” 

You exited the office in a slightly better mood than before,  which Johnny noticed when he passed you in the hall. 

“Yuta, was Y/N just here?” 

He nodded.

“They were furious after you assigned partners and then is suddenly in a better mood after talking to you. What happened?”

“We had a great conversation, that’s all.” 

Johnny shot him a look that conveyed his thoughts. Yuta was slightly annoyed that the elder could read him that well. 

“I just charmed them a little. Y/N might be short but They’re kind of scary.”  

“I know, but we’ve had this discussion. What happens when they figure out that you are in fact a siren. Y/n already asked me if you were.”

Yuta knew that Johnny was right. He should probably stop while he was ahead. You were too pretty to die and he really didn’t want to move again. 

You messaged Renjun and asked him to meet you at Kun’s after okaying it with him. Kun was already working on snacks for the three of you. Three hours later and Renjun never showed up, Kun tried calling him but the boy never answered and Kun knew the boy didn’t have class until tomorrow. You already texted Johnny and told him what happened and that Renjun hasn’t shown up. You made sure to ask where the professor was, hoping that this would get you a new partner. Your favorite and only teaching assistant informed you that the was hour left in Yuta’s office hours. The walk from Kun’s dorm to the office to you about thirty minutes compared to the usual hour. The anger boiling in your system at the freshman kept you warm and was what caused you to practically slam the office door open. 

The Japanese man had heard angry footsteps coming down the hall, so he started to sing in order to calm the anger. It worked after a while and you could feel the anger melt away as waves of relief washed over you. The song continued and something about it compelled you to start walking towards your professor. You closed the distance between your lips and Yuta’s. The kisses were filled with passion and need. 

“Get a room!”  

That phrase startled you. Yuta grabbed your waist, not ready to let you leave, and looked at the source of the interruption. Johnny was standing at the door, rolling his eyes. You didn’t even notice the glare that Yuta shot him.

“Get Out, Johnny. Office hours are over.”  (WiNk WoNk)

[thevortexofourminds]

On leaving Tumblr

I’ve been on Tumblr for about six years with this blog. It’s a niche blog with a small number of followers (but WHAT amazing ones. I love you guys and girls) - at least when we look at the numbers that some of the bigger blogs have. Numbers are not important to me. And the number of followers doesn’t say anything anyway. I love this blog, and my only interest always was to create a blog that I would want to follow. And apparently, there are a handful of people who have the same kind of interests as I have. My photography-blog @tvoom is bigger. The number of people following this blog and the number of notes on some of my photos - to me personally - are mindblowing. Even though this blog probably still doesn’t count as a big blog, I would have never expected that my photos will ever attract this attention. My more experimental photo-blog @tvoom365 is very small. One reason certainly is that I rarely post anything and hardly ever “promote” it. Or maybe the photos are not as good ;) But the feedback was always astoundingly positive.

One of the biggest mistakes I made in my time on Tumblr was to delete my writing-blog. Two years of writings and recordings were gone. I deleted the blog because I realized that the reason I made that blog in the first place was not a “reason” for me anymore. I was stupid enough to think that just because that one thing in my life which made me start writing (again) changed, I will have no reason to write anymore. HA! Well... at least I still learn. I might be stubborn but not THAT stubborn.

I learned two things through that:

a) Stories don’t have a meaning beyond the meaning that we assign to them. And we can assign any meaning we want to. So a story changes by how we read a story. You as the reader and I as the author are equal parts in the creation process. And neither your opinion nor my opinon is the “right” opinion or the “correct” way to understand or interpret a story. Because what’s in your head is nothing I can change anyway. So... I will not apologize for what’s in your mind. Because I didn’t put it in there.  It’s the old “When a tree falls in a forest and nobody is there to hear it - does it make a sound?” thing. No, it doesn’t. The falling of the tree creates changes in air pressure. But "sound” is only created by the listener. And what that specific sound means to the listener... that’s dependent on the listener and highly personal. So much for “objectivity” ;P After this face-palm moment, I started to write and record again and gathered a tiny but wonderful audience.

b) Tumblr is not @staff or @support or a CEO or any person who “pulls the strings”. Tumblr is you, and me, and everyone who has a blog. A community only exists because of the people who take part in it. Agreed, the boundaries changed, but what we put within these boundaries... that is upon us. In the last five years or so, I put a tremendous amount of time and effort into doing my part in creating an environment in which a community can grow. I met dozens of wonderful, creative and amazing people, I was fortunate of having the privilege of being part of some of the coolest projects that I can imagine. And all of these things are and were only possible because of the people involved. People who do and did what they do and did DESPITE all the hardships. DESPITE all the problems. Who just did what they love doing and not to gain anything from it. I have the deepest respect for all the creators and curators of all sorts of genres on Tumblr. Because I KNOW how hard it is to keep something going for years and years and years. Thank YOU for doing what you do. And to those of you, that I have the privilege of working with directly (too many to mention): I love you all. And I am grateful for you. All I did and all I do was only possible because of you and the thousands and thousands of supporters, artists or no.  Leaving Tumblr would mean that I’d not only give up on what I’ve achieved and what I’ve been doing for years, what I was part of building up, but it would also mean that I’d be giving up on myself. Heck... it took me decades to find out who I am. I will not give up on this crazy dumbfuck that I am ;P Because that is what I am. I am a person who creates, I am a person who loves to share knowledge, beauty, art, and sometimes (well... quite often) a stupid joke. I love to share my experiences and art in all sorts of ways. And since Tumblr never was a platform that allowed me to do this in exactly the way I wanted to, I always used other platforms as well. Tumblr’s video-player is probably the worst in the history of the internet, so I’ve been posting my videos to YouTube. Tumblr’s audio-player is a bad joke, so I post my audios to Soundcloud. And I embed that all in my Tumblrs.

Tumblr’s “adult content ban” will most certainly go down in internet-history as one of the most hypocritical “internet moves” ever. The interesting bit is that it probably will be known as “the porn ban”. Which is not even true. I’ve seen people post claims like that “Tumblr now defines nude-photography (or anything that the dysfunctional algorithms flagged) as porn and therefore bans it”. That’s not true. The truth is worse. The truth is not even that Tumblr bans genitals and therefore also porn. Yes, nudity and genitals are banned. And porn is banned. Smarter people than I wrote in much more intelligent ways than I ever could what’s bad about this. But rarely have I seen anyone write about the real big problem. The big problem is that the new community guidelines of Tumblr are sexualizing women by banning female nipples except for photography of breastfeeding and medical reasons. So, the legality of showing parts of the female body is based on the function. If the photo does not depict this function, the photo is deemed sexual. And sex is forbidden. While male nipples don’t have any other function (at least not that I’m aware of, please educate me) other than being an erogenous zone. Just think about this for a moment. Male nipples are allowed. Because banning male nipples... that is prudish, isn’t it? But looking at how incredibly hypocritical and bigoted the western world (and especially the US) is at the moment, this just fits, doesn’t it?

The question is: Should we let the idiots win? Only the unorthodox, the ones that pushed boundaries, the non-streamlined, the experimentalists - in short - the “un-normal ones” make the world evolve. “Conservatism” derives from “to conserve”. And we only conserve what is already dead so that it doesn’t start to smell. It’s too late Tumblr. This doesn’t smell. It already stinks.

Some people will HAVE to go to other places to not compromise on their art or self-expression, leaving Tumblr only a stump of what it once was and maybe will never recover from. Unless we creators find a way to stay true to ourselves and use the base of what is still here to create something new and amazing. As a curator of (also) artistic nude-photography, an occasional artistic nude-photographer myself, and an artist who also makes “adult-themed” art, Tumblr is dead for me in this specific area. Will I use a different platform for these things? Since “adult writing” is not banned (yet) I can continue here. For the rest: Maybe. I might re-open my Flickr (Flickr belongs to the same company btw... and allows artistic nudes... hypocrisy much? Edit: I learned that Flickr was sold to SmugMug) or I might start a DeviantArt account. I don’t know yet. I will certainly reference these new places in case I’ll decide to give it a go. Fact is that I will expand. Creativity is change. And no, we will not like each and every change. But hey... that’s life. As long as we change, we live. Also, I will certainly not let stupid, bigoted, greedy, hypocritical liars limit me. And the big lie is that it was never about “making Tumblr a better, more positive place”. It very much sounds like “Make Tumblr great again”, doesn’t it? It’s the same set of mind. The same priority: Greed. It was always only and exclusively about money. And apparently, Tumblr can make more money with actual Nazis still around and with nudity banned. I am German, my great-grandparents lived through a time in which real artists had to flee a place and the Nazis stayed...

Another thing: How is Tumblr a better, more positive place with the porn-bot problem still not being solved? Granted, we will not see any visual porn anymore, but the bots are still there. And they still follow and reblog posts, they add or even replace the original content (”thanks” to the prior Tumblr “improvement”) with links to shabby sex-sites and “sex offers”. That is your more positive Tumblr, @staff . Congrats! You fucked up royally. Because now it’s even evident that this was never your concern anyway.

Since @pwsfineartnudes cannot continue after December 17th, 2018, and I was asked to join @abstract-challenge (after Amy sadly left Tumblr for personal reasons), maybe that is one way to expand. So I will happily and gladly try to find ways to contribute to this - for me - very new and very different fascinating photographic adventure. Thank you for the challenge and the trust you put into me.

Rock on, my friends! You are Tumblr! You will only get out of it what you put in. You are amazing! Always have that in mind.

- Pete 

[cheladyn]

(A piece of) Everything I know about dance

This is an excerpt of a text that may never see the light of day. I’m too narcissistic or something to do a real edit, so here’s some of it as it is. I call myself a contemporary dancer, I’m trained as one and I run in its circles. I don’t know what such title means, and I sure as shit don’t know what my art does. But I persist. I hope you persist too. I hope something makes sense. If not, I hope you’re well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let’s get back to what’s important about dance. This is not an essentialist nor essentializing task. An essentialist illusion would be to believe that I could (or anyone could) determine some positive properties or features of dance that could define ‘dance’ with some permanent essence. Such properties would have to exist and remain the same in all possible contexts, experiences, situations. So, maybe dance can have this definition: Dance is dance.

In its identity dance is always designated by the signifier ‘dance’. The signified of dance (us and all our practices) represent the agency of the signifier. Dance becomes performative. Dance is unstable, unfixed, filled with difference. This makes this text both useless and useful, true and false.

The moment I began to write this text, the utter nonsense of this ridiculous signifier, ‘dance’, displayed itself as meaning, as ideological meaning and practice. And every use of ‘dance’ continues to build on/into a totalizing field of such ideological meaning.

Dance is the dispossession of your fleshy right. The dislocation of your labour and efforts to a place and status unnamed. Dance is the debt full of impossible promises and an impossible payback scheme. Dance is debt and duty. The duty to love it. The duty to be indebted. But dance is pay-back in its own right. Dance is how we come together.

Dance is a refusal of the choice to be with us or against us. I don’t give a shit that you’re against me, I refuse the choice. Dance is re-breaking the breaks that make refusal happen. Dance is how we tear dance’s walls down. Dance is the end of justifying and making sense of violent practices and standpoints. Dance is where labour enters unapologetically. Dance is how we overcome the never ending obstacle of labour that tells us that we are inadequate to the task of destruction. Dance lightens the burden of inadequacy. It rearranges the standards of “adequacy.” I would be content to be adequate to the task of dance, because my tasks also exist beyond dance. I keep coming back, the pleasure too obscure but present to resist.

Dance is dangerous to the development and the wellbeing of capitalism. Dance will continue to develop and nurture good capitalists and good capitalist values. Dance is my wealth and never my poverty. Dance claims to be knowable but the horizon will never arrive. Dance cannot be positivist or normative. Dance is queer.

Let’s get back to what’s important here. Dance cannot abolish its endless detritus of expansive meanings: many things are dance. Dance calls me in as a subject. A queer subject. Dance makes us subjects. Sometimes queer subjects. Dance subjectifies. As subjects of dance, we can dance politically. Dance can queer the political. I am sewn into the concept/practice/signifier of dance. Dance is the bearer of plentitude.

Dance moves us away from the conditions that produced this apocalypse. The apocalypse of now and all those on the horizons. I want this to be my dance, my deep, difficult dance of dismembering the legacy and the bullshit and violence of dance. Dance is not a collection of findings that document all of earth’s extinctions (of species and peoples). But we live with these facts and with our own ongoing creation of geological and biological futures.

Dance is made on a wasted earth and on stolen ground. On ground made steal-able. Ground made own-able. Dance makes things steal-able. Dance must be made kill-able so when we kill it, we the subjects-turned-objects of dance, we can see more and differently.

Dance can see the catastrophe it’s made. Dance is the only response to this catastrophe. More dance is the only prescription. The poison and the remedy; dance trudges on. Dance is aesthetic and the sensorial attention. Dance-moves and light-moves are the making of dance pieces. But not of all dance pieces. Dance-moves and light-moves are of a different kind, of a different class of moves. We are supposed to see one more than the other. A hierarchy of moves, a hierarchy of jobs, a hierarchy of senses and affects.

We adapt quite quickly to the changing terms and conditions of dance. Sometimes so quickly that we find ourselves without guidance, on uncharted ground. Dance can leave these spaces uncharted. But on uncharted ground we find ourselves grappling with how best be. Dance exists in a space of ‘I don’t know’ and it’s full of ‘what-ifs.’ The kind of ‘what-ifs’ that bring inquiry, experimentation, anger, blame, and oppression.

Dance can move away from hierarchy. Dance invites my body to get close to yours. To get sweaty and slippery and sticky and smelly. Dance invites your body to press up against mine, roll up onto mine. I will give you my weight when we dance. As a gift, as a task, as a game, in a structure, in a moment. Dance makes my body open up to you, spread for you, reach for you with tentacular softness. Dance brings me closer to you. Close enough to wrap around your length, up into your depth.

I will draw you into me. Dance makes me pant, it improves the flow. I have no intention of stopping. You will not whisk me off my feet (I’m probably too long for that) but you will catch me and our limbs might tangle. Dance brings the struggle of finding the right angle for pleasure. Who’s pleasure? My fucking pleasure. I will dance a dance fully clothed that, when unclothed, becomes a different dance. Addressed to you.

Everything becomes a threat, a border. I become an empty body without organs; flows endlessly extending in every direction. The desire for you inside me is the desire for dance is the desire for desire is the dissatisfaction. Dance, as immaterial as it is, helps me understand the complexity of material borders. Of being me, not you, of merely being able to smash into each other with a physics of lust and tentative concern.

Dance forces me to think how I fold into you, sluff off of you, out of the center and back into the margins. Dance is a human thing. A libidinal thing. My material borders dissolve, I peel off my words, and again I embrace you. We pant. We leverage ourselves in/out of political mobilizations, (un)clear sexual identities, and our limbs tangle again. I swing a leg, sit on you, unravel myself, push/pull/reach/yield to you.

Dance is an alternative ethical and political framework, it’s a saturated sense of desolation, an interrogation, a kinship. We un-problematize our limbs and mobilize our pelvic floors, scoop our transverse abs to get a bit closer, just a bit. Our historical bodily processes and impulses pulse somewhere else. A trans-corporeal permeability.

My agency is in how I hold you, how I exit the dance, come back for more. Dance rests on a precarious female body. On exploited bodies. On my body sliding back into you, for you. Dance continues a history of surveillance; a better panopticon of surveilling myself.

Dance is the intelligence of the spiralling pinky. Inwards and outwards rotation. A reference to tenderness. Our tender anatomies. Electrified by anatomical proximity. An uneven distribution of risk.

Dance gives me a feeling of unshakeable purposelessness. But not when I crawl onto you, crawl toward you, on my knees, toes flipped, bodies flipped, rejuvenated blood rushing back. I skin-flesh-bone my way towards you, across the marley, across the street, across the sheet. You call and I turn, you interpolate my fucking desire to press into you, to use my tens of thousands of real capitalist dollars invested into dance training to make you come.

Wait. The climax came too soon. Dance is the ride to orgasm and the ride to applause. Nothing more than imagining and practicing something outside a realm of exploitability. Dance asks the crucial question of whether this is enough for transformation… if enough exposure to dance will elicit political transformation. If vulnerability meets responsibility and we can eat each other senselessly… when will dance be vulnerable and responsible. When can I see you again. How can I learn to prepare in the wings, the on-off-stage, for the moment of performative glory?

Let’s get back to what’s important about dance. Turn your head, pour into it, bring your spine into stillness; this is a dance of presence. Choreography is a dance of being told what to do. Dance owns me, turns me into the dancing receptacle. Defined by its waste until dance and only dance can come out of me. This is the shit of dance. Dance is the collisions of constitutions. Tomorrow I’m owned by no one.

Dance is an untheorized freedom. My freedom to wake up beside you in hotel rooms, on studio floors, on rocky-beaches. Dance taught me to follow your lead. A social dance. A social view of the embodied agent where the embodied actor is not just another product of society.

A social significance of bodiliness. We cannot empty dance or a dancing body of its explanatory significance. Dance is my significance under the wall of stars, the specialty I pursue in relation to, in reference to broader theoretical difficulties.

Dance is entangled in the production and recreation of structures. These structures are both the medium and the outcome of interaction. The rules and resources used to make dance repeatable and reliable are structures. Dance structures were made by people now dead, or no longer subject to its walls. Dance is the honouring of endless ghosts. Bureaucratic ghosts. For dance to be inhabited by bureaucratic ghosts means the dance(s) of today will not create anything (new). Dance is a re-membering, a re-creating. Dance invests me with the ability to recognize and transform structures. Dance is agency, an ability to act. Ability is strength, flexibility, control, and sensitivity. Dance makes me permeable to affect and to be affected by structures.

The importance of dance is on the doing of the structure. And on the not-doing. And on the other-doing. On the difference-doing. The structure is the rules and resources. The rule of law and natural resources. Rule of thumb and renewable resources. Approaching dance, there is a ‘usual’ and a ‘normal’ way. This is the structure of rules and resources. Dance is not reducible to to either rules and resources, nor its agencies. These things are mutually constitutive in all its ways. We have built new rules of ‘not yet’ and ‘yes, but’; these rules are the resources to affirm a ‘someday.’

Where is my unruly corporeality? Strained by control, this fleshy vessel is a frontier, the contact zone, the uncontrollable, the approachable. I am unruly and wild, pervious to dance in its multiplicity: as a drive, as an orientation, as an act, as an identity. Slippery, I seep beyond to generate a status beyond Thing. I’d rather remain the object; however, to give up and hand over my object-ness to become a medium, an instrument, a tool is not what I desire. Where is the unruly corporeality; a peripheral investment.

So I’ve accidentally opened something else up: has/is a body. A tool, instrument, medium; something still other than subject or object. I will stay as subject and object. I do not simply have a body quickly/slowly trained by dance classes; my unruly body is the object and subject of postures and judgements. This unruly body won’t be of pure utilitarian value; how else am I to display my investments, these postures and judgements, the unevenness of my animation. This dancing body is the malleability of investments, narcissistic investments into body parts.

Dance shows that a form of care being asked for. All forms of care come to pose problems of representation in their staging of answers. In this way, dance might just be asking for attention to form.

Dance is the social condition of embodied matter and virtual potentials; irreducible, incapable of eradicating choice. Even if it indicates some choice, your choices, their choices. Dance is generous in the constitution of bodies.

This is the dance of a disposable population, of an immune population. Dance is continually generating immunity in certain valuable subjects. Dancers are immune. Take up the identity, sew yourself in, and become immune. Dance is easier for some.

Dance likes status when it doesn’t value risk. It’s just people. The risk of dance, to say risky things, is forgotten, left at the alter, abandoned, when the status and stakes get high and all-consuming. A livelihood in jeopardy, a signature incorporation, an incorporated company, a reliable operating funding. It is a graphic act of re-inscription to lose risk and avoid the heat.

Dance is a skin-knowledge. A knowledge of the world through the honing of the skin that wraps the viscera. A visceral skin-knowledge of data-gathering and uniting cosmological values. Dance is the shedding of skin, itchy skin, calloused skin. It builds bodies to feel and perceive different things over time. Dance is just me realizing things have changed, I have changed; I feel so differently from what I once felt, it’s like I have left that body for a new one. I shed a lot of skin.

Dance pressurizes the non-verbal against the western verbal logos. A proselytizing of your reason, your Reason and Rationality. These double r’s will only go so far; the moving, dancing, breathing body, marks the world in ambiguously satisfying ways. Reason might not adequately convey the nature of embodied experience, or the witnessing experience. Reason is designed not to impinge on our viscera. It does. I dance a dance of Reason.

The craving for a different dance is the assurance that all this is doomed to die. It’s more than craving and desire; dance cannot be possessed; thank the deities that desire ends in death. Dance is desire with more mobility than reality.

[sparxwrites]

I would be incredibly interested to read what you were talking about in the tags of that ask/post~

#there’s a lot more i could write abouthow this is an emerging pattern in fan culture #and how what wasinitially meant to be a community free from content creators #is nowincreasingly becoming a community beholden to them and their approval#a community that operates within their oversight #and how people whouse fandom for what it was traditionally used for - as a sociallysubversive medium outside of mainstream control #are being penalisedfor refusing to sanitise their content and fall in line

Ihope you wanted an 8k essay about fan-creator interactions and whythey frequently end up being toxic for fans, creators, and also aboutfandom as an increasingly monetized and manipulated community, anon,because that’s what you’ve got.

Asa disclaimer, before we start: I am a linguist by training, not aneconomist, sociologist, or psychologist (though my discipline doescross over with the latter two in several places). This is written inan academic-ish style, but it’s largely based on my personalexperiences in fandom over the past ten years, the personalexperiences of the hundreds of friends and strangers that I’vetalked to or read essays by during that time, and a lot of personalresearch and reading. It’s not Word Of God, and I’m entirely opento people critiquing it, arguing with it, or elaborating on it –stuff like this is, I feel, something we need more dialogue about infandom spaces. With all that said…

Thesisstatement: Historically,fandom has very much operated on a “keep creators as far fromfandom as possible” basis, for some very excellent reasons. Withthe rise of social media contact, the gradual mainstreaming offandom, and increasingly fandom-aware creators and corporations, itis no longer possible to keep creators away from fandom. However, inthe rush to embrace creators into fandom, many of the hard-learnedlessons of fandoms past (and present) have been forgotten andignored. This, in combination with the increased monetization offandom and the exploitation of free fan labour by capitaliststructures, is a dangerous and potentially toxic combination. Whilstit’s not possible – and not desirable – to turn back the clock,fandom needs to carefully consider exactly whywe’re inviting creators into fandom space, how that should behandled, and how to mitigate the potential consequences of that.

Firstoff, there are a few pieces of terminology uses I want to make clear,and a few starting assumptions I want to detail, just so we’re allgoing into this from somewhat the same starting point:

When I say fandom here, I mean creative fandom – ie. writers, artists, graphics makers, cosplayers, and various others, along with the people who support them and interact with them in a variety of ways. There are other kinds of fandom, of course; notably casual fandom where someone simply enjoys a book / show / movie, or collative fandom, focused on collecting facts / statistics / comic editions / props. These types of fandom are not the ones I have experience with, however, and are also not entirely relevant given this discussion is specifically about creators in creative fandom.

I’m assuming that fandom is a space where people should be allowed to create whatever the hell they want, within the bounds of legality. That means if people want to write rape fic, draw art of extreme kinks, cosplay “problematic” characters, or ship unhealthy / abusive ships, they should be able to – without people going “think of the children!” or “you’re a Bad Person”. Debating whether this attitude is the right one is another conversation entirely; you can read more about why I take this stance in an essay I wrote a while back about ‘heavy’ kinks, and also in the purity politics tag on my personal blog – but if you fundamentally disagree with this stance, you’re probably going to disagree with this essay in general.

When I use “creator(s)” here, I’m talking about the people making the canon content – whether that’s an actor, a voice actor, a writer, a director / producer, a comic artist, a game development studio, a youtuber, whatever. When I use “fan(s)”, I’m primarily talking about individuals within creative fandom (ie. those who create fan content, and those who support them). Yes, some (if not most) fans are absolutely creators too, given fan content is just as valid and creative as ‘official’ content – but it is, linguistically, easier for me to use “creator” and “fan” rather than having to tie myself up in descriptive knots. Yes, there are areas of fandom that are primarily about curation rather than creation, and there are fans who simply enjoy the source material and don’t involve themselves in what they would consider “fandom” at all, and those are valid ways of interaction with the source material – but, as I mentioned above, that’s not the aspect of fan-creator interaction and fandom I’m talking about.

So,now we’ve got that out the way…

1.Fandom History, “Purity Politics”, and Censorship

Historically,mainstream media has not been kind to fandom – nor have mainstreamwebsites, or even primarily fandom-oriented websites for that matter.Fanfiction.net is notorious for having done a mass-deletionof “adult” works(though theirongoing policing of this is spotty at best and nonexistent at worst),and I remember them also having a list of authors who’d contactedthem and “asked” them not to host fic from their books / serieson the website. Livejournal also had severalmass deletions thatpartially targeted fan communities, especially communities producing“unacceptable” fanworks. Slash communities and the like wereoften specifically targeted, because the people pushing for thedeletions had homophobic agendas and considered queer fiction more“inappropriate” than heterosexual / gen fiction.

Thiswas, in some ways, the beginning of our current purity politicsepidemic – people campaigning against certain types of fanfic thatthey personally disliked or disagreed with under the banner of“protecting the children” – except, in these instances, it waspressure coming from outside fandoms rather than within them. AO3(and the Organization for Transformative Works’ associated effortstowards fandom archiving, fannish academia, and legal advocacy) wasfounded partiallyas a response to these deletionsand to the concept of “acceptable” versus “unacceptable”fanworks.

I’mnot gonna do a huge history lesson here, but if you want to read moreabout this, a little bit of googling will get you a long way (as willfollowing the links above). These events have been talked aboutextensively by people who were more involved in them than I was, andif you haven’t heard about them before, they’re worth readingabout. Fandom history is important, y’all.

WhatI’m getting at here is there’s a reason older fans / peoplewho’ve been in fandom a while have a good reason to be faintlyparanoid about creators coming into fan spaces, or being too aware ofthem. Specifically,fans who write “inappropriate” or “bad” fanworks –including adult or nsfw content, Real Person Fiction (rpf ) / RealPerson Slash (rps), slash or femslash, anything involving dark ormature themes such as sexual abuse, child abuse, incest, rape,domestic violence, etc. – have the most reason to be concerned.Backlash to the same degree as has happened in the past is a littlemore unusual, due to the mainstreaming of fandom and increased fansolidarity, but it still happens.

(Assomeone who’s both been in fandom for A While now and remembers theaftermath of the deletions (even though I didn’t have an LJ accountor write mature fanfic at the time) and writes “bad” fanworks, Ihave doubly good reason to be paranoid. Hence why I talk about this alot, and have Strong Opinions on it. Most of the other people I’vetalked to who have Strong Opinions on this tend to fall into thosetwo categories, too. If you’re not from these groups, then… maybeconsider, if you’re sitting there going, “yes, but Idon’t feel threatened by anyof this,” whyyou don’t feel threatened. Try to see it from our perspective.)

Inaddition to corporate / website efforts to stamp out fandom spaces ingeneral, and “undesirable”, non-mainstream, or subversive fanspaces specifically (including, again, gay / queer spaces, becausethat was considered “undesirable”), various authors and showsmade their own efforts. Anne Rice is notorious for her veryaggressive stance against fanfiction. Even JK Rowling, one of thefirst authors to publicly say she was okay with fanfic, has gone onrecord saying she objects to adult work involving HarryPotter characters – although“innocent” fics by “genuine fans” are okay, apparently.

Theshow Supernaturalhas had several entire episodesdedicated to taking the piss out of fandom in general – andfangirls specifically, caricaturing them as ditzy, obsessive, creepy,lonely, unlikeable, sex-obsessed – despite the fact that theirfandom is the only reason they’re still running. It’s all thesame usual, unpleasant stereotypes that get pulled up every timewomen, and especially teenage girls, become invested in or excited bya piece of media. A previous fandom of mine, the Yogscast, had ahistory of begging and / or outright stealing fanart from artists formerch, video use, or general promo stuff – but also decided to reada fairly ‘innocent’, fluffy fic on stream in order to mock boththe author and the fic (and in the process drove the author off theface of fandom internet, basically).

Again,we see fandom and fanworks being split into “acceptable” and“unacceptable” by content creators – people not actuallyinvolved in fandom, but feeling as though they have a kind ofownership over it, or say in it – based on mainstream mediastandards and their personal morals (and what they can monetizeversus what they can’t, though more on that later). And the reasonthey feel like they have any kind of ownership over fandom is veryoften that they are a creator, and they see fanworks as, in someways, “belonging” to them rather than just being a derivative oftheir work.

Creatorshave always struggled to understand that fandom is, primarily, forthe fans– not there as an expression of the fans’ heart-eyed adorationfor the creators, but as an expression of the fans’ creativity, oftheir ideas and enthusiasm for the work itself, and often of theirdissatisfactionwith the source material. Fandom is a space for the fans, butcreators often feel as though they should have some kind of say init, merely by merit of having created the source material.

Historically,this entitlement – valid or not, though I’m inclined towards not– has manifested itself as creators aggressively(and generally unsuccessfully) trying to stop the creation of fancontent based ontheir material. Which is a pretty terrible option, given it destroysfandoms and often leads to harassment and legal issues for fans.

Somewherebetween that and where we are now, we had creators realising therewas fuck-all they could do about fannish activities, given the sizeof the web and the determination of fans, and instead just did theirbest to ignore it all. This was, in my opinion, a pretty good courseof action. This was what tended to happen with fandom when I firstentered it – creators were aware of it, it occasionally got broughtup in interviews if a particularly dedicated reporter had discoveredit existed, and the creator usually laughed nervously and saidsomething to the effect of, “I know it’s out there but I tend toavoid it for legal / personal reasons”.

2.The Monetization of Fandom, and the Exploitation of Fan Labour

So,what changed between then and now? A lot, I think – including theemergence of a generation of new, fandom-savvy and tech-savvycreators, many of whom grew up in fandom (think Rebecca Sugar, AlexHirsch, the cast of Critical Role to a degree… others, probably,but those are the ones I’m aware of) knowing where to go to findfandom. Also, the rise of social media, and the increasing ease ofinteracting with fandom on a variety of platforms.

Asa creator, when you’ve got a bunch of people who love the thing youcreated, and are producing a bunch of derivative works from it, thatcan be very flattering! And people tend to react positively to theopportunity to interact one-on-one with a creator, which social mediaallows them to do, and again this positive feedback is veryflattering. Being in a fandom space for a creator is, at its mostshallow and cynical, an ego boost – you have a huge base of peoplewho all (usually) like a thing you’ve made, like you and thinkyou’ve very clever for having made it, and are (usually) eager tocreate things either based off of the thing you did, or even as adirect present for you.

There’salso the fact that fandom is now big enough to very successfullymonetize, and creators (and big businesses) are increasingly workingout how to do this successfully. This takes a lot of different forms:ever-growing conventions with ever-more dealer tables, more merch,subscription-based services (such as Geek & Sundry and Nerdist’sAlphaor Roosterteeth’s First,or even Twitch subscriptions), Youtube in general, Patreon /Kickstarter… and also, more insidiously, theuse of fandom as free labour.

Fandomhas alwaysbeen partially about labour,as anyone who’s ever made fanart or fanfic or manips or a podcastor… well, really anything, can attest to. Even being actively partof a community is, in some ways, labour. However, there’s adifference between free (and freely given) labour – writing a ficis hard work, true, but often it’s funtoo, and is done as a labour of love, as a form of play or relaxation– and exploited free labour.

Freelabour is the creation of fanart and fanfic and other art and objectsby fans, for fans. Free labour is labour done under the heading of“play” or “relaxation” or “a hobby”, something thecreator enjoys doing. Free labour is even fan-run websites, or fanscampaigning to get a show back on air, or doing other things thattraditionally PR and advertising managers would do except for free,of their own free will just because they love the source material.

Exploitedfree labour is Anime Expo, a 10,000 attendee strong for-profitconvention callingfor volunteer translators to do skilled labour for free.Exploited free labour is the Yogscast, a major Youtube network,askingfor free art from skilled fanartists, and repeatedly failing tocredit fanartists who’ve done commissions for them.Exploited free labour is Amanda Palmer raising $1.2 million onKickstarter, but solicitingfans of hers who were professional musicians to work for her for freebecause she “couldn’t afford to pay them”.Exploited free labour is Universal Studios solicitingFireflyfans to help market and promote the movie for free, and then sendingthem a cease-and-desist letter once the movie had been released.Exploited free labour is E.L. James getting FiftyShades of Grey published offthe back of reviewsand collaborative idea generation from hundreds of fellow fandommembers, butcompletely failing to acknowledge this. Exploited free labour isLiveJournal’s(thankfully failed) attempt to make a for-profit fanfiction sitewhere writers had to surrender copyright to the creators of canon.The examples go on, and on, and on.

Fandomhas gone from something small and rather community based – wherepeople didprovide skilled labour for free, because cons and such were organisedby the community for the community, because there wasn’t a lot ofmoney going round, because it was about fandom rather than profit,because they were recompensed for that free labour in non-monetaryways (including reputation and other social currencies) – tosomething monetized. Cons are run by businesses now, primarily, andorganised fan events are professional affairs where a lotof money changes hands. Corporations that try and equate the two arebeing deliberately manipulative.

Basically,fundamentally capitalist constructions like the kind we see incorporate-ized fandom deliberately invoke fandom’s history of giftculture in an attempt to scam fans out of free labour. The wholepoint of gift culture is that it is reciprocal– I create something for a friend or someone I like, and in returnthey create something for me (even if that creation is a review ofwhatever I created, or something more abstract than a tangiblereward). The whole point of capitalism is that it isn’treciprocal, or at least not in the same way – I provide a servicefor someone who is likely to be a complete stranger, and in returnthey give me money. When capitalism tries to wriggle out of the“giving me money” bit of their equation by appealing to the factthat, in a gift culture, I do things for “free”, it’s blatantbullshit quite frankly.

It’sblatant, deliberatebullshit, because the companies know exactly what they’re doing,and what they’re doing is devaluing and exploiting fan labour offthe back of fandom’s cultural traditions.

(Andbefore someone says, “but it is reciprocal! Creators make a thingfor us, and we make a thing for them,” I’m going to point outthat often fans have alreadyengaged with the capitalist modelto access the Creator Thing in the first place. Fans have paid forthe movie, book, TV show, or they’ve subscribed to the Twitchchannel, or the Patreon, or donated to the Kickstarter. The creatorsare already getting monetarily compensated for their work, becausemainstream creators work in the context of the capitalist model, notthe gift culture model. Therefore, the things the creators are makingcannotbe the reciprocal part of the gift culture, since that has alreadybeen bought.)

It’sone thing for me and a friend to organise a fanmeet for a fandomwe’re in, for free, where the meet is about meeting friends fromthe fandom and socialising. It’s another thing for, say, a companyrunning a convention that will be making tens of thousands, if nothundreds of thousands, of dollars of profit, to ask if I’llorganise thatfor free. That’s a dramatic (and somewhat unrealistic, though seethe translator thing above) example, but the point stands.

Capitalismtakes advantage of fandom’s innate gift culture, and itstraditional free exchange of ideas and fan collaboration, in moreinsidious ways, too. As thispaper (which youmay not be able to read in full if you don’t have institutionalaccess, but I can provide if you message me) notes, regarding a viralseries of videos on Youtube called Lonelygirl15that was one of the first new media fandoms:

[…] the team consciously used to theiradvantage the myth of the do-it-yourself (DIY) celebrity inherent toYouTube. […] YouTube’s ability to freely distribute content tomillions with little investment holds the promise to broadcastoneself to fame and fortune. As a result, hundreds of fans, with thehopes of becoming legitimate storytellers, created videos around theLG15world. Most hoped that mere mention of their work in the franchiseproper would open doors for them. In the process, the fans werewillingly generating value for the franchise. The team, on the otherhand, heavily regulated the boundaries of the LG15canon by actively marking fan fiction as ancillary and used copyrightclaims as ways to carefully manage community initiatives. Keeping thefans at arm’s length ran counter to their initial rhetoric ofcommunity-led collaborative storytelling and subsequently estrangedthe very community that had initially given them exposure.

[…] I argue that it is a form ofexploitation because the creative team mislead the fans into thinkingthat their participation would have a more meaningful impact on theshow proper. This intentional misleading was primarily to garner theattention of the mainstream media and grow the show into a robustfranchise. The team claimed to be experimenting with a new type ofstorytelling, a community-based narrative that embodied the generalspirit of co-authorship. They sold their show to fans as anunprecedented initiative that would blur the actor/producer and fandivide, a promise that did not actualize for many fans and wasfrequently curtailed by the creative team’s eagerness to protectthe artistic integrity of their show. Ultimately, the team’s goalof proving LG15 to be a financially viable initiative led them toconfine fan engagement within strictly defined parameters thatultimately undermined their initial rhetoric of community-ledstorytelling.

- “Exposingconvergence: YouTube, fan labour, and anxiety of cultural productionin Lonelygirl15” by Burcu S.Bakioğlu

This“business model” – in which fandom-savvy creators with a closeconnection to their fandom and a marketing-based knowledge of howfandom works string their fans along with ultimately empty dreams,whilst simultaneously holding them at a distasteful arm’s length –can be seen as echoes through somany new media fandoms, and avariety of traditional ones too. It’s the typical push-pull ofcreators who are hungry for the free advertising and labour fans canprovide, but who find fandom in all its queer, subversive,traditionally-female glory to be fundamentally distasteful.

(Fanartistsare, I think, the most vulnerable to this kind of exploitation.Fanfiction is often seen as undesirable (sometimes even within fandomspaces, but that’s another essay), but fanart? Provided it’s the“right” kind of fanart – ie. sfw, fairly canon-compliant,well-drawn, no implications of gay/trans stuff – then it’s verydesirable. Fanart contests,t-shirt or merch design contests, gif contests, are all fairlycommonplace. I’ve never heard of a fanfic equivalent.)

It’sa far more subtle form of monetization, but all the more dangerousfor it, especially because it lures fans into a false sense ofsecurity with the creator. They feel that the creator is on theirside, is “one of them”, is going to reciprocate the unpaid labourthey put in, actually “gets” fandom or is supportive of itsnon-mainstream and subversive endeavours… only to then bedisappointed, because inevitably the creator isn’t interested inanything other than maximising profit by manipulating their fanbase,and may actually find the fans they’re toying with activelydistasteful.

Youcan find a hugeamount of writing and research on these concepts via googling “freelabour fandom” or “fandom labour exploitation”, by the way, ifyou’re interested. This isn’t a concept I’ve just come up with– it’s something academics and business-people have been aware offor a long time, but hasn’t quite filtered down into general fandomconsciousness yet. The companies know about it, and are activelyusing it to their advantage, but fandom as a whole hasn’t quitesavvied up yet.

Whichis, I think, a large part of what I take issue with. Some people,after reading the above few paragraphs, will respond with, “So? Ilove [thing], I don’t mind my labour being used to support it andits creators.” However,some people will be going, “Holy shit,I didn’t realise that was a thing? That’s awful, even though I dothings for [thing], I don’t want to support the parent company / Ididn’t consent for my labour to be used like this.” Some of bothgroups, given the fact that the average age of people in fandom isskewing increasingly younger, will be twelve, or thirteen.

Thisis what I object to. Not necessarily that the labour is being used,but that there’s no informed consent to it (and also that it’soften used by the same people who mock fandom, or find it‘disgusting’, or have rather poor views of their fans). That it’smanipulative,very deliberately so. That it’s often couched in terms of it beinga moral obligation, a “labour of love”, a “volunteer position”,as “helping the community”, even when that’s evidently bullshitbecause the group trying to feed you that line is a business that isonly interested in fandom as a profit-making machine. That, often,it’s vulnerable fans – younger fans, poor fans, fans fromminority groups – being taken advantage of, deliberately andmanipulatively, by creators.

Fansare inherentlyvulnerable, for a variety of reasons (more on that later) due to thepower difference between them and content creators, and thatvulnerability is being exploited, often using the language of fandomto disguise the exploitation.

Howoften do creators run a “design a t-shirt / poster for us!”competition, where the artist gets paltry recompense (or none atall!) and often no credit for their work? How often do competitionTerms of Service end up having loopholes where the creators nowlegally own your work, in its entirety, forever, and you can’t doshit about it? Professionalfreelancers are aware of these kinds of things, and look for them incontracts – youraverage fan is not,however, and yet they are being used as (easily exploited, preciselybecausethey don’t have the experience professionals have) freelancers bycreators.

Asthisarticle regardingthe Amanda Palmer debacle above rather neatly puts it:

Ideally, you don’t even know you areworking at all. You think you are keeping up with friends, ornetworking, or saving the world, or jamming with the band. And youare. But you are also laboring for someone else’s benefit withoutgetting paid.

3.The Fan-Creator Power Imbalance and Fan Vulnerability

Let’sbe honest here: all of this manipulation is possible because fans,and fandom, are incrediblyvulnerable, on severaldifferent fronts – legally and financially, emotionally, and oftenin terms of age and experience. Though not allcreators take advantage of these vulnerabilities, it’sunfortunately not unusual.

Fansare primarily vulnerable legally. In general, the legalityof fanfiction and fanworksis super iffy,to the point Wikipedia has an entire article on it, and creatorsaren’t always happy that it’s being written (again, covered inthe Wiki article, and mentioned above as well). Fans also don’thave a great deal of legal protections– one of the reasons why AO3has a legal teamthat fights for fans and fandom – and what they do have has oftenbeen won by other fans who’ve fallen foul of copyright laws orcease-and-desist demands and fought back. Often though (but notalways), fans are young, and have neither the money nor the legalknowledge to fight back should a large corporation or dedicatedindividual creator with a beefy legal team decide to start legalproceedings against them.

Fansare also vulnerable because of their age and life experience.Increasingly, fandom is skewing younger and younger, which means manyfans (perhaps now even the majority) are underage. It issignificantly easier for creators to manipulate and use younger fansthan it is to do so with older fans. Even older fans, though, whohave more life experience, may not have relevantlife experience. A lot of fan writers and artists are hobbyists, notprofessional freelancers. “Tricks” by corporations such as dodgyterms of service or questionable phrasing in competition terms may beless noticeable to fans than they would be to professionals providingsimilar services. Fans may also not have the same tools asprofessionals when it comes to knowing how to deal with being takenadvantage of. Professional artists may have a standard procedure theyfollow when they discover their art has been plagiarised, or haveother professional artists they know as part of the community who canadvise them – fanartists are lucky if they have any such resource.

Fansare alsouniquely vulnerable with regards to interacting with contentcreators. There’s a power imbalance. This isn’t exactly the placefor discussions regarding (usually sexual) harassment / abuse of fansby creators, and I don’t want it to turn into one entirely, but…it happens. It happens a lot.A quick google search found me thisarticle listing anumber of scandals and allegations of sexual abuse or abuse of power,just regarding Youtubers,in the past year or so alone. Here’sa post from my personal blogsummarizing the multipleallegations of harassment levelled against the Yogscast, includingsome really rather serious ones, and the… frankly appallingresponse from the Yogs. That’s without even touching on theaccusations against more mainstream / Hollywood personalities thatcrop up every five seconds.

Thiskind of stuff happens a lot more than fandom would like toacknowledge. Creators hold power over fans, and sometimes – a lotof the time – they don’t use that power entirely for good.

Ofcourse, fans often enjoy having creators in fandom spaces – or,more accurately, enjoy having creators accessible. Fans want to benoticed by creators, have a personal relationship with them, meetthem, talk with them, share things with them. They often also wanttheir fandom pursuits, whatever those may be, to be validated. Theseare all perfectly normal things to want, especially from people youadmire and look up to. Hell, I would be a huge hypocrite if I triedto pretend I’ve never wanted to be friends with the creator of afandom I was in. I’m not here to rag on people for havingfantasies, or for looking up to creators – I’m here to point outthat people should be exercising caution along with those.

Becausethe issue is, a lotof people don’t feel safe with creators too far into the fandom.And some other people don’t see that as a reasonable boundary forthose people to have, or are too caught up in their “senpai noticeme” heart-eyes to care.

Beingon twitter is good, it makes creators approachable, you can tweet atthem and they might even respond – and sometimes it’s even a bitfunny if they admit they’ve gone looking for fanfic. But a creatordemonstrating a huge deal of internet savvy, having a tumblr blog,going on AO3? That’s enough to make a lot of people feel unsafecreating and sharing fanworks.

(Ifmonetization and exploitation is a particularly big issue forfanartists, then feeling unsafe is a particularly big issue forfanwriters. Not that fanartists never feel unsafe, especially if theyproduce “undesirable” content – but, for almost every creatorI’ve ever come across, whilst somefanart is acceptable, perhaps even desirable, fanfiction isunanimously “othered” in terms of fan crafts. Perhaps because,due to inherently needing a plot and the use of headcanons and havinga non-canon focus, it’s more threatening to the creator? I’m notsure and, again, that’s another issue. But for fic writers, eventhe most “harmless”, innocent, fluffy, G-rated gen fic risksscorn, humiliation, disapproval, or accusations of being “weird”or “creepy”. Those who write darker or more mature stuff, likemyself and many of my friends, have to deal with being aware thateven creators who take a “live and let live” approach to fanficwould likely be disgusted if they ever found our work. As I saidbefore: if you’re sitting here thinking “but I’mnot worried”, consider why.)

And,again, fandom is primarily forthe fans. We should beprotecting fans above and before creators.

Areally good way of doing that, whether protecting them from legalthreats, from having their labour exploited, or from creatorharassment, is to keep fandom separated from creators. Not entirelyseparate, not “buried in the depths of the web where no one canever find it” separate, but just… an acknowledgement that fandomis for fans, not creators. That fans deserve spaces they can putthings up for other fans to see, without being worried about theirwork being stumbled upon by creators or ‘upsetting creators’ –or, more unpleasantly, being mocked by creators, broadcast outside offandom spaces without their consent, or being judged according to anarbitrary, mainstream moral code.

Fundamentally,fans deserve a safe space. And when I use that word, I don’t mean“somewhere where no one will ever be triggered” or “somewherethat has been entirely morally sanitised” or “somewhere whereroving mobs of thirteen year olds get to dictate who is problematicor not”. A fandom safe space should be a space where people canpost what they want (within some reason) without fear of Big BrotherCreator watching, without fear of being mocked, without fear of beingtold they’re gross or disgusting or Wrong – and a space wherepeople can reasonably be expected to take ownership of their owncontent consumption, helped by stuff like content warnings orblacklists or AO3 tags.

Havingcreators there complicates that. It makes people worried, for a wholevariety of reasons. Something I said on a post a while back that isrelevant here: “Creative fandom, in terms of art and fic, issupposed to be an area of fandom without creator oversight – orwith very limited creator oversight. Feeling like you’re beingwatched, worrying that you might unintentionally offend, killscreativity.” Even if canon creators don’t intend to have anegative impact on fan spaces, or even want to join fan spaces inorder to interact with and please fans, they have an adverse effecton the safety and fandom-ness of the space.

Or,as out-there-on-the-maroon’sresponse to thatpost put it, probably better than I did:

This is something I’ve seen happen inreal time on the various official G&S [Geek and Sundry] discords.Initially fan-only spaces, they quickly started to welcome andexplicitly invite the cast and crew onto the discords. Which has itsbenefits and cool aspects, but also turns a fan-only private spaceinto a space watched by the creators, where the creators havepowerful voices of authority.

Suddenly any criticism or “I didn’tlike this part of this episode” comments became awkward orself-censored. Fanfic talk got dialed way back, hidden in privateDMs, or moved to separate private discords. Then there were clasheswith mods and other fans who were debating what was appropriate talknow that the cast were becoming members. It’s one thing to yell“omg I HATE [writer X]!” during a livestream of a tense episodewhen in a private discord, it’s another to do so in a channel wherethat writer frequently reads the chatlogs. Among fellow fans it’sunderstood that such talk is hyperbolic, but when the creators areright there chatting with you in a friendly way, it becomes risky.

[…] A large chunk of the “drama”that happens in these new media fandoms can be traced to there beingpoor separation of personal and private, be that a creator venting ontwitter and getting into fights with fans, fans sending explicitfanfic to a creator, or those “dramatic readings” at conventionswhere a room full of adults is invited to mock the un-edited writingsof a 15 year old. I’ve seen a lot of issues arise when someone, saya youtube star, rises to fame very quickly and is ill-prepared forputting up boundaries between themselves and their fans. (Mostyounger celebrities are actively discouraged from doing this,encouraged instead to be always available, always friendly, alwaysopen and personal with fans.)

Havingcreators engaging with fandom is not necessarily bad in and of itself– fans are excited to be noticed by their heroes, creators areexcited to hear from people who love them and the stuff they produce.It can be good, or at the very least not-bad. The issue is, though,that creative fandom is for fans, by fans, and there’s no intrinsicplace for creators in it, but creators are increasingly trying tomakespace for themselves in it anyways without understanding the effectthat has. That’s where the problem lies.

I’mnot suggesting we never ever let creators talk to their fans everagain. I’m just saying that we have sites like twitter for that –they don’t need to be coming onto tumblr, or browsing AO3, to haveconversations with fans. It should be up to fans to make the firstmove regarding contact, nine times out of ten, not the creators.

Creatorsdeserve spaces where they’re safe from being exposed to contentabout their characters that they don’t want to see or finddistasteful. Fans deserve spaces where they don’t have to worryabout the creator deciding they’ve seen stuff they don’t want toor stuff they find distasteful. The easiest and best way of doingthis is to make sure there are separate spaces for creators and fans– and that each side acknowledges, when they go into the other’sspace, they play by the rules of that space and don’t try toenforce their own. End of.

4.“Not MyCreators!”

Ifyour response to this has been, “Yes, okay, but mycreators are nice, though,” then consider: you’re probably notgoing to be in that fandom (or at least, not solely in that fandom)forever. You are eventually, inevitably, going to encounter a creatorwho isn’t nice. Your creator may also not be nice forever – it’snot unusual for creators to seem lovely and friendly and reallyinvolved in fandom, and then turn out to be a massive douchebag (seealso, Ridgedog and Sjin from the Yogscast).

Eventhe nicest creators can cause drama and conflict, too.  If they’reseen to endorse a particular headcanon that people start trying toimpose as canon, if they state “preferences” for fanworks thatpeople feel compelled to (or are forced by other fans to) obey, ifpeople think they’re playing favourites… it gets messy. And thelonger someone is seen as “the nicecreator”, the longer they’re up on that pedestal, the harder theyfall when they do the slightestthing wrong.

It’snot just fans that can suffer when creators get too close. In myprevious fandom, a fan that was jealous of the attention a creatorwas showing to another fan (ie. notto them) decided to start asmear campaign over it. They tried doxxing the creator in question,got several other people to threaten doxxing, started attacking otherfans (myself included) and sending death threats, and generallymanaged to really badly fuck up a whole number of involved parties’mental health. A similar thing happened with another creator in thesame fandom, where said fan is stillrunning a smear campaign against them. These are not isolatedincidents.

AsI mentioned in replyto a content creator I’m personally acquainted with, on one of my initial posts on this topic:

I think… regardless of how hard theytry to integrate, canon creators are Apart and Above fans. They can’tbe part of their own fandom in the way that fans are - howinsufferably arrogant they’d be if they were! - and they have anatural, inescapable power over the fans in the sense that their fansare inevitably going to look up to them and idolise them / put themon a pedestal. It makes things a little sticky for creators in thesense that they’re stuck as almost a god-figure, but also thattheir fans want to be friends with the Real Them - and, of course,either the creator keeps up the god-figure persona, stays on theirpedestal, and disappoints the fans who feel held at arm’s length;or they drop the god-figure persona, get off (or fall off) thepedestal, and disappoint the fans who feel angry and betrayed andupset that their idol is actually fallible and human (and hasopinions the fan disagrees with / is boring / is bigoted / isn’tfunny when they’re not performing / isn’t a role model ordesirable when they’re not pretended to be a god-figure). Damned ifyou do, damned if you don’t.

Fandom,especially younger fandom, has an idolatry issue when it comes tocreators – and it hurts people on both sides of the god-worshipperequation that that behaviour creates.

5.Conclusion…?

Isuppose, actually, that despite the thesis statement there are a fairfew different questions actually being asked in this essay: How okayare we – as a community of fans, regardless of the particularfandoms we call home – with censorship? How okay are we, or shouldwe be, with the commodification and monetisation of fandom by bothbig business and / or fans themselves? How okay are we withnon-fandom people and groups, whose aims and morals may not alignwith fandom’s, attempting to manipulate / change fandom and use itfor their own ends? How do we plan to protect our own?

Theseweren’t the questions  I expected to end up asking at the end ofthis essay but, here we are.

Iwould hope I’d made my personal positions on them clear. First andforemost, we should nottolerate censorship. Not fromwithin fandom, and not from without. We should alsonot tolerate manipulative attempts at monetisation by corporations –and should fight hard within our communities to preserve gift cultureand the fandom-as-play mentality that fandom is built on, despite therise of commissions-based fan interactions and Patreon / Kickstarterculture. We should fight hard, not to prevent fandom from changingper se, but to make sure we don’t lose our roots and principles.

Creators,by merit of being the people who create the media we love and engagewith so much, have power. A hugeamount of power. Maybe that’s legal power, maybe that’s the powerof a savvy and manipulative marketing department behind them. Maybethat’s the power conferred by being adored and idolised by a largenumber of fans, maybe that’s the power of having a twitter mob attheir control that will harass anyone they disagree with. Maybe thatpower is just older fans knowing how creators can turn on fans andfandoms, and being afraid to create things because “big brother iswatching”, regardless how benevolent that all-seeing eye is. Maybethat power is just having people feel it’s “polite” to “respectthe creator’s wishes” regarding what sort of fanwork can / shouldbe produced in that fandom.

Asthe old fandom term “Word of God” implies, creators are… well,the gods of their fandoms. That’s not necessarily a title theyearned (some creators are supershitty people, let’s be honest here), it might not even be a titlethey wanted(see also: Undertale, Homestuck, and other fandoms that suddenlyexploded), but it’s a title they have nonetheless.

Inthe end, this issue ties together a lot of things, I think – notjust creator involvement in fandom, not just censorship, not justmonetization, but purity politics, and the legality of fanworks, andhow to manage communities both online, and irl and the habit ofpeople to put creators they admire on a pedestal.

Howdo we, as a community, plan to self-organise, disseminate importantinformation, make decisions, and work as a united front in thefuture? Is that even possible – is fandom a fundamentallyanarchistic entity, unable to survive attempts to formalise it in anyform still recognisable as “fandom”; or, conversely, is fandomdoomed to dying and being subsumed by corporate manipulations if itdoes notformalise and organise, and work to protect its roots and the uniqueculture that has sprung from them?

I’mafraid I don’t really have the answers to those particularquestions, but… food for thought. I know I certainly think aboutthem a fair amount, and perhaps it’s time fandom in general starteddoing so too.

6. Fandom: The Next Generation

Whatdo we doabout all this, though?

Well,for starters, we educate both fandom and creators. There’s somegrassroots efforts to do this within fandom – professionalfreelancers making pushes to ensure people who offer commissionsprice their work correctly, and also checking through various contestterms of service and spreading the word if something’s dodgy, therecent pushback against censorship and purity politics within fandomspaces. Various fandoms on tumblr who know their creators often usetumblr, or check specific tags within it, have developed “private”tags for nsfw or shippy content, or fanfiction, to keep them awayfrom creators – either at the creators’ request, or of their ownvolition.

That’snot enough, though. We also need to educate creators.Even for those that grew up “geeky” or “nerdy” or “infandom”, they’re often talking primarily about the curative sideof fandom activities, not the creative. That side of fandom has verydifferent rules, social mores, and opinions to the creative side offandom. Creative fandom, essentially, needs to set out its stall forcreators – this is who we are, this is what we do, this is how youengage with us politely. We’re happy for you to come look at ourthings, if you want, but if you’re coming into ourspaces (ie. livejournal, tumblr, ao3) then don’t try to tell uswhat we can and can’t do, because we’renot doing this for you.Remember, when you interact with us in our spaces, you’re in ourterritory, and you should behave as such. Remember, we are acommunity, and if you try to take advantage of us or our vulnerablemembers, we will not tolerateit – even if you didn’treally realise that you were trying to take advantage.

Andhonestly? Some creators just need to remember to have basic goddamnmanners. Going on twitter to go “ewww I just read the creepiestfanfic about my book” and linking to it, or reading something outon stream without author permission, or telling part of your fanbasethey’re bad people because of how they choose to engage with yourmaterial… that’s just plain rude. We shouldn’t have to teachcreators how to be decent human beings. A remarkable number ofcreators fall short of this standard, honestly, and we need to stoptolerating it.

Ifthe creators aren’t dicks, then they’ll want to learn how to dobetter, both for themselves and also for their fandom. If they aren’tdicks, they won’t want to take advantage of their fandom, or farmthem for exploited labour. And, well, if they are dicks… that’s alittle harder, but it requires fandom as a community to stop keepingcreators on pedestals, to separate fandom from the creator of thesource material, and to be willing to occasionally kick someone’sass if need be. We’ve got to protect one another, is what I’mgetting at here.

Isuppose, if I have to end this essay with anything, it’s this:educate yourself.

Knowyour history – there are plenty of older fans on tumblr talkingabout their experiences, and plenty of blogs dedicated to it. OTW hasa huge number of resources for this, including their open-accessjournal for fan matters (TransformativeWorks and Cultures), theFanlorewiki, and the summaries of the legal activism they’ve done in agiven month for fandom in general and also specific fans. Livejournalis practically a treasure trove, with huge communities that gatheredand collated drama, wank, and general history and informationregarding fandom. Wikipedia, and the wider internet, also hasincreasing amounts of information on fandom history as fandom getspushed into the mainstream media spotlight.

Educateyourselves, educate others, and listen to people who’ve been infandom longer than you have been – though “listen” doesn’tmean “automatically agree with”. And, most importantly of all,look out for other fans. Help them, support them, protect them.Fandom’s something pretty special, after all. We’ve got to lookafter it for those that come after us.

[wigglebox]

So I went to art school.

I didn’t graduate, due to a number of reasons, but the art world is in this constant battle of “I’m not elitist” and “only rich people can do it”.

This was near the end of my final semester there, but my parents had come to Boston (I had gone to MassArt) to help me as I was coming out of a deep depression. We went to the Museum of Fine Arts, which wasn’t free, for an afternoon.

I was already toying with the idea of not coming back to art school (unspecified eating disorder, undiagnosed ADHD, undiagnosed depression) but that trip to the museum I like to think sealed it. It was in the little shop near the cafe outside the modern art section where I saw a large canvas for sale, about $500, and on it, was just a red, horizontal line. The canvas was painted all white.

I immediate thought about the thousands of dollars I had spent to go to school, and the thousands of dollars I had spent on fancy paint, a computer, sketch books, and other art supplies. Each and every project had cost me a lot of money.

In my first semester there, I lived off campus at the Wheelock College dorms about a mile away. The fast way to get from MassArt to Wheelock was walking but it took me a while, and it was winter.

In a... idk it was a sculpture class but you used already made objects. It was a racist assignment by a white guy (I didn’t realize how racist it was at the time) but some student had mentioned making wigwams. Everyone in that classroom lived in the dorms across the street except for myself and idk if I was too shy to ask for help or was just told to figure it out, but my concern was the fact I had to walk a mile with a “wigwam” big enough to sit in. That had to be a large sculpture. My original idea of making one with yarn to make it more mobile did not work so I wound up making one out of duct tape (pictured). But I had spent $100 on yarn. So that was wasted money.

I don’t think your professor was right OP, I think his statement needs to be changed a little. There are fantastic artists out there that get the job done with very little but the standard track is telling artists they have to go to art school and get a degree and network network network. That is money money money. I think it is, in fact, elites who dictate to the common world what art should be and how they should go about that, and then try to sequester it off from the common world when it’s not meant to be.

Also I’m not talking about art from Ye Olden Dayes because art history isn’t my strength lol.

It’s been a decade since I’ve been in art school but I feel like the terrain shifted as social media and crowd funding for things became more available. You have larger community projects and there is more help and more ways to become and artist in any way shape or form. Before, in 2010, if I wanted to crochet a blanket or something and show it off to sell, there were no Facebook groups or market place, there was no Instagram strategy, it would have just been harder.

In my opinion, social media over the last decade has helped to combat the “elite” sort of gatekeeping on the art world. And what also helps are museums that are free to the public where the elites can donate to help keep it up and running but to where the public can go and still enjoy everything from modern art to ancient Egyptian art.

The art world is also very large as they said above me. It’s constantly feeling like a push and pull between “it will cost you a lot to make it so it will cost you a lot to own if it you wanted to” and “this art belongs to everyone”.

But, I very much disagree with that professor because artists, creators, for the most part, do not make art for the elite anymore unless the elites commissioned them. We don’t make tapestries for castles anymore unless it’s a restoration project. We don’t paint the Queen unless we want to off of ANOTHER piece of artwork (photography). There are cheaper art supplies that are beginning to match the quality of higher end things, and your teacher discounting social media use as a deterrent for elitism is frustrating.

today my philosophy professor said art is only meant for the elitist and not meant for everyone in the common population and honestly I've never wanted to punch someone more

[karanguni]

Executive Reform - B - Evacuation

OH BOY HERE WE GO AGAIN.

elementalsight answered to your post “That point in the night where your prompt drabble has spawned fifteen…”Midgar is the Base, Shinra is the company that Builds Jagers, the Kaiju are coming […]

Previously in the Pacific Rim/FFVII AU: 1 - Engineering. 2 - Urban Development. 3 - Software.  4 - Oil and Coal. 4.5 - Propaganda. 5 - Defence. 6 - Operations. 7 - Sensors. 7.5 - Jaegermeisters. 8 - Tactical. A - Seismology.

1290 words.

The First Trains that left Midgar were far from the first trains to have left for the safety of the Eastern mountains; there had been many desperate souls who’d gone out long there before the rich-and-able came along to take advantage of the water lines and bunkered communities that pioneers had carved out of the rock. The name - the First Trains - was just that, a name: shorthand for a bunch of fucking cowards who ran away.

They were chasing one right now.

'Who do you have on slate to write the textbooks?' Hojo asked. He had to raise his voice to be heard over the helicopter's intercom; they were tilting hard against the wind as they chased a set of traincars going full-tilt towards the mountains.

'You'll have to elaborate,' Rufus replied from the next seat over. Hojo watched him look down at the tracks; the man was unruffled. He might as well have been behind his desk at the Dome's tac room. 'After all, I have so many textbooks I'll need to commission once this war is done.'

'The history textbooks, of course,' Hojo said. 'The ones that will detail the way Shinra won "this war".'

'Yes, of course,' Rufus nodded, looking up and over. 'Because it won't be the dearth of scientists and engineers, electricians and farmers that I'll be concerned about when all is said and done - it'll be the historians.'

Hojo snorted. 'I'd believe that if I thought you were in any way stupid enough to neglect public relations.'

That persuaded Rufus to smile. 'I'll leave it to the public,' he said eventually. 'The best propaganda is the sort I don't have to manufacture myself.'

'Is that why you're out here in person?' Hojo asked. 'Chasing traincars when you have better things to do?'

'I'm here to send a message,' Rufus said. 'That's the best thing I can do.' He keyed off the intercom on his headset, and turned back to the window.

Catching up with the train was simple. Stopping it was harder, but Hojo supposed that that was why Veld was along for the ride. It was a bit much, all three of them crammed in the chopper together: one engine shortout, one freak accident and the war effort would be cut off at the knees. Hojo wasn't so stupid as to think that fighting the kaijuu was the work of only a handful of great men, but the rest of the Planet was delusional if it thought that Shinra, that Midgar, that the East as a whole could go without them.

Maybe in five years, there would be replacements who wouldn't buckle to the pressure of greatness being thrust upon them. But in five years, everyone might be dead.

Veld sped them ahead, far ahead, then had the chopper lower the empty shipping container it carried down flat across the tracks. There was enough time for the train behind to pull on the emergency breaks without derailing. Probably enough time. 'What happens if you fuck this up?' Hojo asked, digging in his pockets for a pack of cigarettes. He offered one to Veld, who accepted; he didn't bother with Rufus, who even in these endtimes still wore white. 'If the crew panics, this will strew fifteen cars worth of stolen equipment across the plains and disable one of the only forms of ground transportation out of Midgar.' 'That won't be me fucking up if a train crew can't stop the train they're on, will it?' Veld asked, clearly bemused. 'Also, Hojo, only two of those traincars have your things in them. The others might contain - and this is only a guess - people. Food. Supplies.' Veld lit his cigarette, then tossed the lighter over. Hojo caught it and raised it up: touche. 'We can always make more people,' he muttered after that first, solid inhale. 'But precision laser cutters of that size don't grow on trees.' Rufus stood upwind from them and contributed nothing. Even though he'd kept the whites, the boy-president had at least abandoned the impractical, billowy pants he'd used to wear. Only his hair flew madly about as the three support helicopters that had been following them touched down. They watched in silence as the oncoming train screeched, defeaningly, to a halt. No derailment, though smoke poured off the brakes in black billowing clouds. Someone disembarked from the second car down and stormed over. Hojo vaguely recognised him as one of the many useless faces that would dot the photographs of society pages. 'What the hell is going on here?' the man demanded. Rufus stepped forward. The man's hands curled into fists, but he kept his mouth shut as Rufus said, pleasant and mild, 'Mr. Thiel. This is an inspection.' 'All of this is legal and paid for,' gritted out Thiel. 'We're evacuating and you're getting in the way.' 'You'll have to forgive me the delay,' Rufus went on. 'But, seeing as how we're more than fifty miles out from the farthest any kaijuu has made landfall, I think you'll be fine.' At a gesture of his hand, the support troops swept down the line. Hojo leisurely strolled after them. The first five cars were all commuter cars filled with bourgeoisie Plate-dwellers. If their attire - dresses on the women and ties on the men, for fuck's sake - hadn't given them away, the dining car between #3 and #5 would have eliminated all further doubt. When Hojo popped in for a quick inspection, he found canned caviar chilling in one of the refrigeration units. 'They still eat from the ocean,' he laughed, procuring one can and noting from the date stamped on the bottom of the can that it'd been harvested and packaged long before kaijuu had started crawling out of the Breach. He cracked it open, stripped one of his gloves off, and ate using his fingers. Cars six through eight were supplies. Cars eleven and twelve, at the very end, contained the parts for the laser cutter, untouched and in good order. 'They linked up without checking at the depot,' Veld informed him when Hojo caught up with the man at the end of the line. Hojo dropped and crushed the empty caviar can beneath the steel toe of his boots. 'Get it loaded up and we can leave. Where's the President?' Veld snorts. 'Cars nine and ten caught his attention.' --- Cars nine and ten contained art. 'Is any of this any good?' Hojo asked, climbing on after Rufus. There was barely enough room for the two of them: gilt frames were packed in edge-to-edge from front-to-back so tightly that there were probably at least three hundred in this section of the car alone. Rufus brushed his fingers over a particularly well-wrapped one and pulled it out a little to expose part of the canvas. 'All of it is incredible,' he said. 'Most of it from the three major museums in Midgar, though I recognised a few in the manifests as being from private collections. The next car down,' Rufus nodded in that direction, 'has statues and other bulkier objects d'art, if you'd like to look.' 'Ha,' Hojo laughed. 'I thought as much,' Rufus nodded, pushing the piece back in place. 'You were never a man for pretty pictures, Professor.' 'What are you going to do with it?' 'Two cars filled with the finest art on the Planet,' Rufus mused. It was the voice he used to order men to march out into the ocean to die. 'Two cars that could have fit over eighty people, or months worth of food, or weeks worth of water.' 'Oil paints,' Hojo observed, adopting the same tone. 'Very flammable.' --- Hojo watched Rufus watch the world below from up on high as their loaded choppers took off and started back towards the coast. Smoke rose from a pile smouldering by the side of the tracks. He watched Rufus watch it burn.

[coffeedrivenfiction]

Watching Over Us: An Overwatch Review

The Beginning: Overhype

Diving right into it, it’d be an understatement to say that the gaming phenomenon Overwatch, the newest IP from Blizzard, has exploded onto the scene. More like, it took that scene, chewed it up, spit it out, then chucked it in the face of the competition… namely Battleborn, a similar new IP from the creators of the beloved, meme-spewing Borderland game series, Gearbox.

But where Battleborn failed to generate even an eighth of the hype, Overwatch completely dominated the charts because of a marketing-rich campaign and characters that bled interest and personality. And this was before the game even officially released.

The beta alone reached some odd nine million players. Nine. Million. Let that sink in for a bit, just let it sinnnnk in. That right there is record-shattering numbers, and I’d bet many a bottle was uncorked when all was said and done and everything was tallied.

There’s a certain magic about Overwatch, and personally? I think that magic starts with its fantastic roster of characters, from the bubbly Englishwoman Tracer to the primate scientist Winston. There’s a lot of care there, making each of the 21 (and growing) heroes unique, crafting backstories to create a deeper connection; hell, even if you completely skipped what turned Widowmaker into the cold assassin she is today you’d more than likely be enamored by her design. By all of their designs. They’re meant to be eye-catching, to pull you in, and it does that in spades.

Before the game released, Blizzard smartly crafted a few videos, some pertaining to a specific character as a sort of looking glass into their world, so we could get a taste of things to come. And that taste kept us hungry for more. Overwatch was everywhere, I can’t even count how many ads for it I saw play in-between shows on Hulu alone.

After so long, the craze pretty much drove itself, with fans eager to create their own art and music and videos and analysis and even their own stories (currently, at the time of this post, I’m in the process of writing my own fiction for it).

The Middle: Overbattle

When this behemoth of a game finally released, I can only imagine the strain it created on the Overwatch servers. Mostly because I was one of the pissed-off thousands who got an error message informing me that I couldn’t join a single game. Like, what the hell? The overload was real in Overwatch.

Eventually, about ten agonizing minutes later, I was able to jump in and experience the supposed ‘awesomeness’ of the game whose beta I completely skipped. I wanted the authentic first-step. I remember I picked Genji as my first character, and straight-up obliterated the opposing team with him. This was before I knew about the objectives, content to being one of those asshats who only go for kills instead of focusing on the mission at hand (I apologize for that, by the way).

But as I played, I came to the realization that, yeah, this game was really up to snuff. Not only had Blizzard put care into the characters, they’d also outdone themselves with the gameplay mechanics as well, outfitting each character with equally unique abilities that you actually have to apply strategy to in order to get the best result from.

Like Team Fortress 2, this game’s big focus is teamwork, to the point where when selecting your character for your group, you will see a message telling you what your conjoined team is lacking, like, “You team has no Tank” or “There’s no Healer”, something like that. They want you to work together, band together as heroes. And in order to do that, there’s less emphasis on finding a favorite character, per se, and more picking the right hero for the right objective. Because although I favor Widowmaker, there’s a time and a place for her, a lesson I learned the hard way.

Coming out the gate, there was a bit of a disparity between characters concerning their abilities and which ones were slapped with labels like cheap or overpowered. To recent memory, I remember a lot of butt-blasted comments about McCree, something to do with his stun-grenade/gun combo. Players were mad, and Blizzard heard them, about that and other such issues. They plan on correcting/have corrected some of those issues through some timely nerfs and buffs and whatnot. Which can only instill a bit of hope in the players for the franchise as a whole, given Blizzard is actually listening and willing to make change.

The Middle pt. 2: Overtrace

Funnily enough, given Overwatch’s overall cartoonish aesthetic and nature, there was actually some controversy over the game’s mascot character, Tracer. Each character in general has a victory pose that they snap into when they win… and apparently, Tracer’s was deemed as overly sexual. For what, you may ask? For basically having her back to the camera and glancing over her shoulder with a smug ‘you’ll never catch this’ grin, which pretty much left her ass on display, not prominently or anything, but it could be misconstrued as the focus there.

This is the pose that rustled nearly everyone’s jimmies to maximum rufflage

So, naturally, someone wrote a long diatribe detailing just how much it offended them, saying something along the lines of “how could you overtly sexualize a character like because my daughter this and cartoon that”. I have an opinion on the situation myself, but I don’t care to share it, because everyone has their own view. Concerning the rant that got noticed, however, some agreed, a majority didn’t. But the only thing that mattered was that Blizzard was part of the ‘some’, and summarily changed it.

And this is where I gotta tip my non-existent hat to Blizzard.

The new pose they gave Tracer might be better, and might have fixed the previous ‘problem’, but I can’t help but feel like they just gave the dissenters a giant middle finger at the same time. It might be more fitting considering Tracer's backstory... But it's basically the same thing, except with a raised leg.

So, kudos to Blizzard for that classy, backhanded fix.

The End: Overall

At the end of the day, Overwatch is killing it in sales, figures, and reviews. Nothing but high 9’s across the board with a few perfect 10’s thrown in for good measure. And honestly, for the characters alone, the game deserves it. Now, how long the appeal lasts will depend on Blizzard and how they push out updates ranging from mechanical to DLC. Done right, this could be a staple played many years into the future.

My only gripe, and it’s a relatively small one shared with an even smaller portion of the minority, is that there is no single-player mode. Whatsoever. Nada, zilch, nothing.

I would literally pay another sixty bones just to get a story-mode, wherein I could play as each of their heroes, possibly going through the process that led them to become Overwatch Heroes in the first place. Or even something mission-based, I’m not picky, it’s just a testament to how much of a craving I have for these colorful characters and their history. I want to get even more in tune with them and get a better experience.

With that said, Overwatch is the newest, most valuable gem in the multiplayer genre, and it’s probably going to stay that way for awhile to come, so I think it’s only respectable that we have a moment of silence for Battleborn, it’s most obvious competitor who never stood a chance.

—Izzy out

The Post Script: Overkill

Battleborn recently came out with it’s biggest patch/update ever! It includes framerate boosts, map enhancements, and even a new character - Beatrix! Will this bundle of goodies be enough for the similar team-based multiplayer scrape-fest to reclaim it’s stolen place in the spotlight?

Abso-freaking-lutely not. But! It’s good to see that Gearbox hasn’t yielded to the overwhelming shade that Overwatch has forever cast on it.

[furederiko]

Infinity Wars: The Mad-Titan Strikes Back...

SPOILER ALERT...? I don't actually feel this review has one, or at least a major one though. After all, I started writing it before it opens in the US. But I'll put this warning anyway. You know, just in case...

The day was Wednesday, and the date was April 25th, 2018. Twas a dark rainy afternoon. After a long tiring day of spending energy, I had the opportunity to screen what is frankly my most anticipated movie of the year. Thank goodness for pre-order, because the theatres are getting sold out very quickly. I came in fully aware that my heart and soul were not ready to see it. So I tried hard to embrace myself for what's to come. Alas, it was pointless. Because I was still totally unprepared to experience what came next.

Imagine having to do a heavy-weight exercise, but without any proper warm-ups. Imagine a punch to the gut, or a slap in the face, with a pain that lingers on. That was how I felt. The movie just hit its audience to the core from its very opening, gripping their hearts and attention without mercy. There was an eerie threatening sense from the very first moment its familiarly known fanfare reel began, and I am NOT kidding here. Sure, there was laughter every now and then, added with a dose of awe and wonders as audience witnessed characters colliding into one another. But each one of those 'fun' moment would also be followed by some kind of emotional tremor that would shock and shatter our sense of safety. Two hours and forty minutes flew by like it was nothing, to the point that I was starting to get anxious when the theatre's exit door suddenly lit up. "No way it has been this long, right?", I calmed myself in my head. More importantly, not when the on-screen situations only got more and more dire and devastating to watch! "NO effing WAY, right?", as I began to panic.

Well, I was proven completely wrong. The movie ended in what was probably the most shocking, painful, yet also glorious and fabulous cliffhanger in the history of its studio's 10 years of existence. The theatre went dead in silence. As the lights lit up, every single audience was speechless, and some like yours truly were gasping in disbelief. Children stood up from their seats, confused and/or concerned about what they had just seen. Their parents paused and didn't move a muscle. It was an atmosphere I have never seen before with my own pair of eyes, despite years of going to the movie theatres. And I could not think or say anything as well, because the movie literally broke me down. Problem is, I actually didn't want it to end! I honestly wanted to see more. Even if I too question my own sanity for thinking that...

That my friend (and everyone else who is kind enough to spend your time for reading this), is "Avengers: Infinity War". As well as the reason why it took me days before I could even write this review. I just had to get my head straight, and built up the strength to write this. Hey, at least it doesn't take a year as I have stated before, right? Though I'm not sure if I'm actually done coping about that ending. Does it mean, it's a bad movie then? Absolutely NOT. When an entertainment is able to figuratively drench your emotions and continues beating you to a pulp until you can no longer say anything, that means it WORKS. For me personally, at the very least. It is a movie that people would undoubtedly talk about after seeing it. A cinematic experience that lives up to its title, because it is all about the INFINITY Stones, as well as an actual full blown WAR about the quest to obtain them. Meaning, complete with casualties. A painful, devastating fight of ideal, that eventually becomes a heavy and emotionally draining experience for those seeing it.

The way it connects and links to the previous 18 movies released by Marvel Studios is just... beautifully done. A master class in writing, I have to say. This is an ambitious achievement like no other studios have successfully done before. This movie has so many characters, yet they all shine. NOT kidding, especially if you see a certain master of mystical arts does his... 'things', or three heroines with a different set of abilities teaming up to defeat a deadly female assassin, as well as the many other Marvel-ous scenes in this movie *standing ovation*. Even the supporting casts have their moments too, albeit in their very short and limited screen time. One familiar best friend of a neighborhood spider for example only appears for a brief second but remains true in character. Somewhere else, an inanimate object from a certain Sanctum Santorium will steal your very attention. This movie never stops reminding you that you care for these characters, for their movies, and will continue to do so. You will be wanting to see more in the future, just because you care enough to see happiness finally arriving at these characters.

Many characters are put into a massive moral question. The movie constantly challenges them at an intimate level. A simple ordeal really; the trolley problem. But of course, because you have cared for these characters and have witnessed their personal journeys through the past 10 years, there is nothing simple about that. Yet in the midst of Universe-level danger, I believe every character still proves why they are heroes in their own sweet but devastating ways. Selfless people who would choose to sacrifice themselves to protect others. And that is where it hurts.

Nobody in this movie is safe because the big bad Thanos (who is also the actual star of the movie) is a genuine iconic, intimidating, corrupt, and honest to good fascist megalomania THREAT. Over the course of this movie, you would only develop a fear from his looming presence to achieve his deadly ambition (or glorious dream, in the eyes of some). One that you strangely could understand, and for some, relate. You could never know what happens to each character in this movie, and it throws you away from your numerous speculations and theories. Fans of some existing characters will no doubt be put into a frenzy. They wanted this, some of them questioned actual deaths, demanded answers to loose ends, preferred a more serious and darker release, and has expressed their desires of seeing characters meeting one another for the first time. And the result will smack them into another reality. Even though it could have been way more than what we get (which is why I didn't want the movie to end), the fact that Marvel Studios gloriously fulfills those fans' wishes was.... astounding. It's like they boldly smile and say, "Happy now?". Uuuggghhh... T_T

The irony here is that, Marvel Studios is known for being FUN when their rival competitors (like Warner Bros/DC, who else?) goes for the dark theme. Yet when the latter decides to follow suit (for example, like WB's pop-corn flick late last year), Marvel Studios suddenly flips the table entirely. They hit the brakes and does NOT hold back nor pull off of any punches instead! Seriously, they are NOT playing around here. This is a dark, sinisterly dark movie. Several times darker than one could have expected or imagined. Many of its events will haunt your mind for days, probably more, and I'm one solid proof of that. Even after a few days since my screening, I'm still wavering whenever I recall what happens to several key characters.

Strange thing is, I would still favor this one without doubt over any of the dour somber pieces offered by others (for example, DC's underwhelming "Man of Steel" and painfully boring "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice"). Simply because of one thing: it's a remarkable achievement in all of its aspect. Its love of its characters, the attention to storytelling, the relentless push for emotional stakes, the intensity of actions, genuinely stunning cinematography. EVERYTHING! Of course, it's not entirely perfect. There's one major thing I'm not too keen on. Those who expect great things out of the newly introduced characters might be slightly disappointed. Of the four antagonistic supporting casts (Thanos himself is not a new character), only two of them are memorable enough for me to remember. The other two are merely mindless henchmen who are present so that the heroes can have rivals to deal with. Then again, am I asking too much here?

There's one more thing I want to say. Being committed to a particular belief for my whole life (though not fanatically devoted), I can't help but notice some of the religious parallels in this movie. I won't say much to avoid risking giving too much away (we are just days after the movie opens in the US, so there are those who still haven't watched it). But let's just say there is a theme of sacrifice and 'rapture-like' situation that will no doubt be familiar to some. An epiphany that sends shivers through my body, because it literally shows us a scenario of what happens when the wrong person gets to play GOD to others. At the same time, it is also politically relevant to what is happening in real world. As with their previous astonishing works in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, directors Anthony and Joe Russo along with writers Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely (with input from other MCU directors) gives us a complex antagonistic figure who is deeply rooted in a false belief that annihilation is actually the best solution to the universe. You know, not unlike those who have made (or is making, looking at you White House) a negative name of themselves in the history of mankind. On the other hand, I can also dare say that Thanos is still in a way, BETTER than those pathetic humans. You can say what you want about this mad, genuinely mad, purple-skinned monster... but get this: he does not... DISCRIMINATE others based on their differences. I'll stop right there before it becomes a much longer rant. I'm going to wrap this as well because I don't think my emotion can endure it much longer...

"Avengers: Infinity War" is simply phenomenal. The stakes are real, and though it regards the fate of the whole universe, they are also very personal. It is a total much-watch for any Marvel fans, devoted or casual because it is giving them what they want and so much more. Will this movie please newcomers to the franchise? Sure, they probably might not understand the tons of references and continuity links to previous 18 Marvel Studios movies scattered from beginning to end. But there are still other elements that would make them appreciate seeing this movie nonetheless. The action sequences are kinetic and superb to behold, and the emotional drama hits the audience every time. It might not work for everyone, but it is a movie for everyone.

This is a triumphant entertainment of EPIC proportion, that will shake every inch of your core and leaves you gasping for air with your jaw constantly dropped. While wondering if you are really in an actual reality and not some kind of nightmare infestation. It is a breathtaking piece of entertainment that needs to be seen on the biggest screen possible. As many times as you could. Trust me! A cinematic experience 10 years in the making that lives up and subverts expectations, one which you will be crazy to miss out. At the very least, see it once, before you return once again next year to search for a glitter of hope for these characters. Yes, it is heavy, and yes it is arguably exhausting to watch. Nevertheless, when the dust has settled (get it? Aaaaww... T_T), there is no question that it IS a great movie. Why is that? Because it simply is...

Overall Score: 9,5 out of 10 PS: Seriously, I'm questioning my sanity right now. Because I REALLY want to see this movie again! Aaarggghh... T_T

Video is available on Marvel Entertainments official Youtube site. Credits and copyrights belong to their respective owners.

[oligoldsmithio-blog]

specifically this gallery recent works from Dec 2016 - Jan 2017 show at EngineGallery - large new body of work incorporating complex layering of mixed media elements embedded in resin.   

The show’s work reflects the way I usually work - improvisational ‘get out of the way’ and trust the process, though I won’t cop out with saying just that. 

My work has always explored pop-culture and mass-media through a dual lens - my background in graphic design, computer imaging and lifelong enthusiasm for mixing the latest tools and techniques digital technology offers.  

My familiarity with 20th century media drew me into media literacy studies in my teenage years - delving into the history of public relations, exploring the many techniques and psychology behind manipulative codes and conventions in tv, newspaper, magazine and film production left my POV forever changed in ways that have resulted in broader examination of related philosophical concerns such as psychological exploration of the self, consideration of symbolic systems (whether human language, mathematics, the advertising ecosystem of visually laden landscapes or scientific methods of measuring and trying to objectively understand the world through codified methods we human’s conceive of then come to think as reality).

My work is highly visual and intentionally vivid, richly even overwhelmingly dense with my own reflection of the highly mediated and even invented realms we inhabit - as self and other, consumer or producer, I find the contradictory nature of the world I’ve lived in fascinating, often fraudulent yet my concerns as artist finds me interested more in these multitude of forms, words, samples, fragments that make up most of my artwork as primarily aesthetic elements. I am concerned with feeling, experience and beauty - what I’ve described often as a kind of gestalt; the sum feeling experienced by a viewer (including myself) before mentally exploring the myriad connections and divisions between elements making up any given piece.

That said - I’ve become increasingly interested in how a work of art truly is a kind of collaboration with each viewer. Knowing the potential for unique and often very personal interpretations of the type of work I choose to make helped kindle a fascination with the unique POV each person experiences the world (and my art) from - and how that changes from moment to moment in the push and pull interaction each of us partakes with each other, our entertainment, media, and the many influences that shape our personal model of reality. 

I have intentionally pushed planning or concerns over what imagery I work with aside preferring to trust in this process developed over 20 years. My intuitive workflow finds aesthetic considerations of chief interest while composing work - increasingly working in self-sampling of my past work in ways that encourage ‘strange loops’ and recursion in the prepared snippets I generate en masse as somewhat of a separate process. These then take the place of paint or traditional media as the building blocks rapidly combined in an improv manner - the experience of watching something come to life without knowing what to expect provides a joy and surprise aspect I find most satisfying.

and understanding how media shape our collective beliefs, desires and decision making (increasingly individually targeted and much less transparent in today’s evolved internet economy of social media and broad web-based 

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Dear incredible fans, Thank you. It's an honor to me that you're here following my work. I haven't posted in awhile and there's complicated feels around this. On one hand there's grief, in 2017 I have attended 2 funerals, and it's been necessary for me to slow down even more so I can focus on healing and saying goodbye to loved ones. There's a lot I've had to process here, I know that my dead want me to thrive and live fully embodied as my best self. It isn't an easy thing to do though, I feel so vulnerable just blogging on here. There's guilt for not putting myself to task in regards to making content with more discipline. I can easily fall into feeling disappointed with myself, like I don't live up to the expectations of people I look up to and even people I've lost this year. My grandfather was the sort of person who always wanted to know your goals and push you to your fullest potential. He did so kindly and with great intention. I appreciate him for that, yet still deal with frustration towards the intergenerational pattern of pain that's stemmed from his incredible way of being. Holly was the sort of person who would say "fuck what anyone else thinks". Her punk attitude holds its own lessons for me about being confident. In the pursuit of full honesty, the other hand to these feels is fear. Mostly around performing on the internet, which feels like a vacuum. Maybe I need to switch the focus from the feedback I don't get to the feedback I do get. Just because I haven't received much attention yet, doesn't mean that I'm doing bad. In fact, I've really only gotten positive feedback on my work. In learning more about marketing so my audience should start to grow. Regardless, if I dwell on the lack of feedback that means I'm not appreciating the love that I am receiving. So thank you. There's a fear of charging anything for my creations: a fear that they aren't worth your money. Part of me feels so ameteur still. I am easily discouraged by the things I can't access yet, like recording studios and mixing software. (These things are coming within reach now) There's no way to control the worth that people put on my art, so it falls on me to do a lot of work just to affirm myself as a "legit artist". As a result of doing this work, I am seeing new gorgeous views that are worth more than money. I am owning these feels so I can let them go. I hear that voice, tell her "thank you for sharing" and then refocus on strengthening more affirming neural pathways. This way I can let go of these conflicting fears. It's art, what it's worth is so objective. It only gets better the more I practice making it, getting caught up in this fear hinders the quality and scratches deeper this trench of guilt. That's another feel to acknowledge and reprogram. I'm hurting and I need time to heal. It doesn't serve me to regret the past. I need to feel good about myself and how I spend my time so long as I'm not causing harm. And so I will. My family loves me for who I am, I am above their worry and disappointment. Who says that they're disappointed anyways? I'm a badass. Whether it's real or in my head, I have to feel proud of myself and what I bring at the end of the day. I must acknowledge the good work and feedback I'm getting. Even through this heartbreak, I've managed to create new songs and perform once a month. For May, I played my favorite holiday: May Day! In high school, I was inspired by the extensive history of direct action and radical organizing taken for our human rights in the name of May Day. I started organizing for immigrant rights and emceed in Spanish at Wisconsin's Capitol, the first time I ever attended a May Day. I've shown out every year since in Madison, LA, and Seattle. To finish up this tangent about my May Day feels, I'll include a link that sums up most of that up in a poem I wrote after I was arrested at an anticapitalist march on May Day 2013. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-BCIhSeg64aAwm8gPJkZ8AS_hh4HoqtKRrHff9xhLXY Enjoy! May Day 2017 was lit! I had a blast. Bypolar, the Toxic Cherub, a dope rapper and friend, pulled together a Block the Juvie block party, complete with food, live music, and cries against the trauma that is youth incarceration. The city wants to expand our youth jail facilities. They've begun remodeling on the juvie despite large public concern about institutional racism in the schools, the recidivism rates for people incarcerated at youth, the city's investment in punitive systems over exploring transformative justice, as well as the toxicity of the land they plan to dig up and the harmful effects it will have on Seattle's incarcerated youth. We gathered outside the building, making noise so that the kids know they're not forgotten and to draw attention to these issues. It was incredible to share the floor with artists I look up to in the hip hop scene, Julie C, Black Magic Noize, Poesia, and Bypolar! The music wasa perfect blend of fun and radical! Plus, I will always remember being introduced to Raz Simone’s music as he spit so much truth from the top of a van, got vulnerable about cycles of abuse and how incarceration perpetuates that, and then jumped off the car like it was no big deal! All these artists are amazing, you can check them out on the following links: Bypolar, the Toxic Cherub https://www.youtube.com/user/highgodsentertainmen Poesia https://www.poesiamariarte.com Julie C https://juliec.bandcamp.com/ Black Magic Noize https://blackmagicnoize.bandcamp.com/ Raz Simone http://razsimone.com/ I played old old faithful songs; Neoliberal Colonizers and R.B.F. and I felt so much love from the crowd! They liked me! They really liked me! Check out grassroots media coverage of the Block the Juvie party: it's going down is a dope source for radical media and they're here on Patreon! https://itsgoingdown.org/seattle-wa-anti-juvie-report-back/ A few weeks ago, I felt so legitimate as a musician because I broke and restrung the A string on my uke! I'm soooooooooooo real artist! It might sound silly, but I feel like that marks an important rite of passage for any musician! I'm hesitant to tell you what to expect, I did a little bit of that in a January post and I'm still working on the same projects. I have set goals that I'm working on and will hold myself accountable to. That's what is important. For June, I've been invited to play next week at a birthday party in a park for my punk af musically talented friend, Trash Blossom a.ka. istabcapitalists. They have videos here: https://www.youtube.com/user/AaronTheDino I'll get a video of me unveiling my #SummerGoth4eva song for the first time online! I've gotten a lot of good feedback on it already so I'm excited to share it on here!These wins are worth celebrating! I'm connected to an awesome community of artists that are doing the work, inspire me, and lift me up! I feel great about where I'm at right now and for what's ahead! And I know my feel that way, too. I will say that DISRUPT THE SATELLITES is coming sooner than later, that I'm making the stickers I've promised all you Patrons, and that I will soon be posting paid content. I hope you love it as I love you all! Thank you so much for exchanging your patronage with me! ☠️🖤☠️🖤☠️ the sissy bas “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory… that is within us.” -Marianne Williamson