#purplethepeach

[purplethepeach]

Day 2 - Someone to Spend Time With by Los Retros

Please listen as you read ^^

Back to basics! Guys, you may be disappointed with me. My roommate gave me her disposable vape because she wanted a better one. Could I have brunted the cravings and said no? For sure. Did I? No. It has only been a day, and understandably, the progress won't show quickly. Hopefully, by the time I graduate, I won't ever have to touch a vape ever again.

When I was younger, I hated any smoking. Cigarettes, weed, then came vaping. My father was an avid chainsmoker and still is. He would smoke in the car on the way to school, smoke with the windows open in the summer when it was too hot to stand outside, and smoke when he barbecued. I still haven't gotten used to the scent. But his bad habit made me hate anything with smoking.

When my siblings started to smoke weed, I was undeniably against it. Eventually though, my friends started to smoke the grass off of deals our own age, and it seemed like it was the cool thing to do. By the time I was 15, I was smoking along with my friends before and after school. Then I got a new friend group who made me feel much more accepted. They had the works: weed, alcohol, vaping, snorting. Of which, I picked up vaping the most. It was the least engaging, but still participatory.

This peer pressure when I was a teenager is still one of the remaining forces that affect my life; some of it is the addictions my family still face. Either way, I don't want to be the same person anymore. I want to change. I'd like to say it takes time, but quite honestly, it's also my battle with my own addictions. I often think about why my family is so prone to addiction.

Anyways, since I am stuck with this vape until it decides to die on me, I thought it'd be best to write it out -- feel the shame. I heard that it helps sometimes. It's a reminder, really. A reminder of what I once was, who I am now, and what I could be. I guess that's why this commitment is so important to me. I think it'd be my greatest accomplishment in life to be better than I am now. Especially for my family.

I'm the second child of my immediate family to finish college. Okay, I haven't finished just yet, but I'm nearly at the finish line. That in of itself is a great feat, but it doesn't make me feel any better. It makes me feel sad honestly. Alright, this isn't a therapy session, but my family has been through a lot. And I'm much more proud of them not going to college and being in my life than...graduating myself. It's complicated, but who doesn't have a complicated family?

[purplethepeach]

Day 1 - Casual Girl by Band Oyster

If you'd like, please listen to this song as you're reading ^^

~

It's been a while since I've written something just for me. I've been writing ever since I could scrawl abstract lines meant to convey my mind at the time. I would pour my underdeveloped feelings into a fuzzy journal with a sparkly gel pen; source my daydreams when I was absent-minded. I don't know. I used to write poetry -- not anything good. Just more spewings of a teenager trying to make sense of the world.

I guess what I'm doing now is another iteration of journaling. I've tried blogging multiple times, especially on websites like Tumblr, but I never found the drive to commit to it. I don't know what's pushing me to try again. Maybe it's because I'm in my last year of college and I continue to compare myself to people who will always end up more successful than me? Or maybe it's because I actually want to work on my own well-being this year and I'd like to record it somewhere for someone to read and be inspired...

Who am I kidding? I have no idea if this will ever even catch on. If it does though, thank you for witnessing my self-obsessed ramblings.

It's 2025, I'm 21 years old, and I haven't caught on to any of my "resolutions." I feel like I'm in constant circulation of disappointing myself and wanting to prove myself wrong. I'd like to say I'm competitive, but at the same time, I'm fine with not putting up a fight. I guess I like to choose my battles. Point being, I want to accomplish something this year. Eventually I'll graduate (finally), but I want to do something humans are just happy about doing. I want to master something new, I want to stop vaping, I want to network and meet new people!

So, yes, I'm a bit of an idealist. Sometimes a romantic. I often watch indie-rom coms and kdramas, can you blame me?

Anyways, this is Day 1. "Day 1 of what?" you may ask. Well, ask no further because... I'm not entirely sure. This is all on a whim, but don't worry. I'm trying to find my footing as much as you are. We're all living our life the first time, right? I'd really just like to challenge myself to be a creature of habit. I kind of made a plan:

Write at least 10 minutes every day

Drink 2 L of water every day

Workout for 30 minutes every day

This is all I have for right now. At least it's something. I didn't want to do too much if there was a chance it'd overwhelm me. I'm already so busy with being in my last semester and I noticed a lot of problems with my lifestyle. I've become pessimistic, reserved, and I procrastinate a lot of my time. Once I realized how much time I wasted not doing something meaningful for myself, I knew I had to change. I keep letting myself down by not upholding my own well-being.

I know it's kind of cheesy, but I'm glad I'm working on myself. Everyone says it's a mindset thing. I didn't really believe it until I kept feeling horrible and gross about myself. Sometimes that's enough to know.