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midlifemusingsfromthemidwest · 4 years ago

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Charlatans, Liars, and Frauds

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction, and this is one of those times. I have long been an avid reader of the trashy British tabloid that masquerades as a newspaper, The Daily Mail. Every morning for years, I have enjoyed reading the DM as I drink my morning coffee. I read the stories and laugh at the acerbic comments, as the Brits do have a way with words. When Meghan Markle arrived upon the scene while dating Prince Harry, suddenly every story was about them. As an American, I was amused by their painting of her as a star and well-known actress, because no one, and I mean no one, outside her immediate family and friends, had ever heard of this chick. Not only that, no one I have ever talked to watched the show Suits, where she played a supporting role. Suddenly, Meghan Markle was everywhere, and quickly I came to the conclusion that she was a complete social climber who was dating poor dumb Harry to advance her desire for fame. In the comments of the Daily Mail, someone mentioned a Facebook group devoted to shared dislike for Meghan, and on a lark, I joined it. The group was known as Meghan Markle The Charlatan Duchess, often shortened to MMTCD. I'll be honest, the group was a lot of fun as women from all over the world dished and bitched about what a fraud Meghan Markle was. We laughed at her horrific wigs and her clothes that cost millions, yet were always ill-fitting. We chuckled over how dim Harry was, and we guessed how long it would be before the divorce proceedings were started. Some of the women believed more outlandish tales such as that Meghan was born a man, that she wore a moonbump and was never pregnant, and that Archie (I am still scratching my head over that choice of name…Archie????) was, in fact, a doll, and not a real boy. Maybe Meghan should have named him Pinocchio instead of Archie. All in all, it was good fun…not nice, yet good fun.

Now, the interesting part of the story is that the founder of the group was a woman who referred to herself as "Lady L”. Lady L claimed she was a high-ranking member of the British aristocracy with strong ties to the British Royal Family. She wrote in flowery prose about how she felt compelled to start a facebook group to help expose Meghan Markle as a fraud and charlatan. She was single-handedly going to save the British monarchy from the grubby clutches of the American interloper. Lady L claimed her grandmother had been a lady-in-waiting to the Queen, and that she had a huge ancestral home outside of Edinburgh. In fact, she often wrote that once Meghan and Harry divorced, she was going to host a huge party for the group in her ancestral pile in Scotland, oooh la la! Sadly, some women in the group actually started saving money for the trip so they would be able to afford to go. Seriously, shame on her for that. She wove the tale that she was a successful antique shoppe owner (notice the British spelling, which meant it had to be true), and that she came to the United States every year to buy antiques for her stores and shipped them back to the UK. Um, what? Why in the world would someone come from the UK, where antiques simply had to be older and more valuable, to the United States to buy antiques that were generally far less old and far less valuable. How odd, and the first red flag that made me think the Lady wasn't all she proclaimed herself to be.

After some time, Lady L introduced us to her cousin, Lilly Beth, whom she had recruited to help run the group, as Lady L simply couldn't keep up with it all by her little old blue-blooded self. Shortly after that, Lilly Beth became the self-appointed Queen of the group with every member hanging on her every post, all while competing for her attention. Lady L rarely posted in the group once Lilly Beth was brought on board to run the place. Occasionally when the group members became unruly, Lady L would pop in and shout at everyone to stop whatever they were doing to anger her, post a giant red angry emoji, and then "feck off" back from whence she had come. Lilly Beth claimed that her husband, fondly known as “Mister”, worked for the Crown and that she had "grown up with Wills and Harry." Hmmmm….ok then, it seemed somewhat implausible, but I was game to play along on the off chance it was true. Maybe she was just some rich bored British aristocrat hiding behind a laptop. I had been a member for just a few weeks when the group was rocked by a Daily Mail article that doxed or exposed, several anti-Meghan private citizens in a story that shared the pictures, names, and even twitter names of several women who happened to be members of the group. I still believe that Meghan Markle's people were behind the doxing, and it made me dislike her even more. The members of MMTCD panicked, and most of us then created fake facebook profile identities and rejoined the group under nom de plums. It might seem like an overreaction, but many of the women in the group whom I had become friends with were successful professionals. They didn't want to see their faces and names publicly shamed on the Daily Mail for having the audacity to dislike Meghan Markle. Not only that, but it was quickly become the modus operandi of Meghan and her band of flying monkeys, I mean supporters, to harass, defame, dox, and call every person who didn't like her a racist. Despite the influx of anonymous Facebook profiles, the group MMTCD flourished.

Over the next year, Lilly Beth became increasingly over the top, and she was an incessant braggart. She claimed that her husband, Mister, not only supposedly worked for the Crown, but that he also was a member of the House of Commons, owned a village, and that he had even surprised her with a mansion in upper New York where they would summer, amidst the ungodly heat and humidity. Who in their right mind would summer in New York where it is 100-plus degrees when one could be in much more temperate UK? Mmmhmm…sure. As time went on, Lilly Beth bragged more and more and more. She claimed she brought their entire household staff with them to the United States to the new mansion. She bragged that her daughter Violet was friends with Prince George and that there was a possibility she could even marry him someday. My goodness, was it possible that our humble Lilly Beth could someday be the mother-in-law to a future King? Would we all get invitations to the wedding? Should I start saving for a bespoke dress? She bragged that she was invited by the Queen herself to an upcoming ceremony—and that the queen had insisted that she attend. Well, goodness me, wasn't Lilly Beth becoming more and more important with every passing day? She would regale the breathless fans of hers in the group with tales of how Cook would whip up ten-course meals, and how she was ordering bespoke gowns. She tooted her own horn more than Meghan Markle, and that is no easy feat. Lilly Beth kept us up to date on her pregnancy and her newborn, "Master Jack" and even shared pictures of him and his sister little Violet with bright auburn hair and vivid green eyes, clearly photoshopped and poorly at that. The list of Lilly Beth's tall tales was vast. They included that she had met Kate several times, Mister was a RAF pilot, Cook make enough stew for their entire village of shut-ins, Mister waved rent for the entire village because of covid, she was a barrister, she was a buyer for an auction house, she was a violinist, she could sing beautifully, she was a muse for a famous artist, she got her ice cold milk straight from the village dairy (insert eye roll here), and on and on.

A monster was born. The more attention Lilly Beth got, the more she loved it, and the bigger the tales got. Not only that, but she also started getting sloppy. Her use of British words began to slip, her photoshopping skills were appalling, and her tales were becoming increasingly unbelievable. With each embellishment, I became even more convinced that Lilly Beth was a con artist who was no more a British aristocract than I was. During this time, Lilly Beth also set up a second group where she and other group members would verbally duke it out with Meghan Markle fans and then try to recruit members to come to their defense. It was like watching an episode of Jenny Jones show when it devolved into a fistfight amongst the guests. I got to the point where I posted less often, and I would go days or weeks without visiting the group. When I did, I would post and fly out of there. The entire group became like primary school kids trying to outdo each other to attract Lilly Beth's attention with their tricks. Watch this, Lilly Beth…No, watch me, Lilly Beth…Look at this Lilly Beth. A few times, I knew Lilly Beth was lying and full of "shite" as she would put it. Once, she said her husband, Mister, had been at a wine-tasting with Harry and that Harry had come in "knackered." I asked why Harry was tired, and she said, Nooooo, knackered means he was drunk. Hmmm…while I don't pretend to be British, I do have Brits as friends and have only heard of knackered meaning tired. As usual, when questioned, she slithered away and stayed gone for several days.

Finally, the beginning of the end happened one day when two former members who were booted from the group—something that happened on a weekly basis for one offense or another— blogged on tumbler some of Lilly's supposed "tea." Tea was the term the group used for inside information. The supposed inside information was a bit like the overly vague guesses of a carnival psychic. If the “tea” was specific, then it was usually a rewording of a DM or other tabloid story. Then, shortly after the Tumblr brouhaha, Lilly Beth posted that someone on twitter was saying she lived in Alaska and that Lady L lived in Arizona and how hilarious it was that someone was making such crazy accusations. She laughed maniacally about it…LOLOLOLOL!!!!! This was her trademark over the top response to anything even mildly humorous. Then, the balloon popped, the air escaped from the overstretched bladder in a split second with a whoosh. When members tried to access the site all that was there was a message that the group been archived. Like the carnies they were, the frauds scurried off into the shadows leaving behind hundreds of confused and incredulous former members. It turned out that Lady L and Lilly Beth were no more connected to the British Royal Family than am I. In fact, they were a mother and at least one of her daughters, posing as British aristocrats all the while living in the United States. For a year and a half, they had perpetrated a gigantic fraud on hundreds of unsuspecting, and some suspecting like myself, women from nearly every continent and country on the planet. Former members quickly found other groups to join to maintain the friendships formed within MMTCD. Everyone wondered, why would these women have gone to such lengths to fabricate such intricate and detailed lies? What was their end game? Were they setting the group up for financial fraud, were they data-mining for identity theft, were they just stroking their egos, or were they creating an alternative reality vastly more interesting than their mundane, sad lives? I doubt we will never know, but how very ironic that two complete charlatans and frauds created a group dedicated to uncovering another charlatan and fraud. Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

#MMTCD #Charlatans

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fortrapsandfordaphne · 7 years ago

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When Dean Sleeps

A quick Destiel drabble I thought of while at work:

Sam and Dean were on a hunt while Cas was, well- God knows where. They had just finished slaughtering a rather easy vamp nest and decided to rest up before heading out of town in the morning.

They had one of the awful, awful motel rooms. With questionable stains in places you hoped they wouldn't be.

The room was fairly bland, décor wise. The walls were a yellowing white with cob webs hanging from at least two corners. The lampshades were marked and littered in dust, emitting just enough light to see your hand right in front of your face.

Sam had taken the double bed on the left; nearest the close-to-broken painted black door with paint chipped from it. Dean was wearing his usual attire of nightwear; a pair of old blue tracksuit shorts with fraying white string cords.

Before he settled down for the night he went through his very ordinary night time routine: took a 10 minute hot, soapy shower, and then brushed his teeth before a quick prayer to Cas to check in for the night. Dean Winchester a man of tough exterior and a desire for one person in particular and had a prominent sense of longing and that person knew it.

At this moment in time Cas and Dean, were-- well. That's complicated. If you asked Dean if he was dating Cas he might think, we're basically married, but no body knew if there would come a day where he'd openly admit to his younger brother who would make several comments in his reaction. Because who are we kidding? Sam knew. He'd worked it out weeks ago, but he couldn't just confront Dean about said topic now, could he?

So, yes. Cas and Dean are dating. Publicly? No. Behind closed doors? Yes. And were they aware that they were not subtle and Sam had known for a while. Absolutely not!

As I was saying, Dean carries out this routine every single night. And after praying to his angel he'd hit the hay.

It seemed that this hunt had tired Dean out since as soon as his head touched that pillow he was out like a light.

Dean entered a rather questionable dream world. He was back in Kansas. This was going to be his reoccurring dream; his reoccurring desire. Well, getting back on topic, he was back in Kansas. In the same house he'd always been in. His mom was in the kitchen baking an apple pie and his dad was out back getting firewood. Dean had moved out a long time ago but still visited his mom and dad often.

It was a Saturday afternoon, when there was a knock at the door. Dean grabbed it since his mom was elbow deep in apples and pastry. Cas. His Cas was stood at the threshold. Grinning at his green eyed, freckled companion. The sun was setting and shone against Castiel creating a beautiful silhouette. Dean invited his angel in. And yes in this universe Cas was an a described anl. But he was like Anna, fell in love with humanity and became human.

Dean greeted his life partner with a deep and meaningful kiss on the lips. Their foreheads touched, just for a moment. Dean and Cas lived together in a nice place about 10 miles away from Dean's parents and a state away from Cas'. His parents were a little over bearing.

Dean was content with life. And you could also suggest that if they were back at Cas and Dean's place things would be a little less well, clothed. Dean and Cas were house sitting for the evening since John and Mary owned a fair few farm animals.

His mom had greeted Castiel before excusing herself to go and get ready for her date night with her life long husband. Dean and Castiel sat at the old, rustic dining table catching up about their day.

Cas works at a school as a Latin teacher. Dean on the other hand, works as a mechanic at Bobby's. Bobby is married to a woman named Ellen, who has a daughter named Jo. They are family friends.

It wasn't long before Mary and John were leaving and the house fell silent. It was mere minutes before Dean's head almost exploded with the lustful thoughts spinning around in there.

"Do you remember when we were sixteen and your parents caught us upstairs?" Cas asked, breaking the oddly tense silence.

"What about when we were seventeen when they caught us in the act?"

"And do you remember all those times you'd sneak out so we'd be able to meet up by the creek?" Castiel just smiled.

Dean prowled towards the other male across the dining table. He pulled his peer closer by his loose blue tie. Choking him a little, but Cas didn't mind. He rather enjoyed the need, the want of the situation.

Dean pulled Cas through the furnished maze which was his childhood home until they reached Dean's room. Left exactly how it was all those years ago.

Clothes were discarded almost as quick as the door was slammed shut. Cas wanted to forget about the train wreck of an open day he had witnessed prior to this appointment. Their clothes pooled on the floor. Their bodies pooled on the bed. Touching. Moving. Grinding. And heavy breathing. Hearts beating louder by the second. Actions proving to be more powerful than words. Pent up lustful frustration begging for a release. Two lovers urging to be united. Two men wanting. Two men needing. Needing each other more than air at this current moment. Castiel was on top of Dean, holding hands and gripping each other as if their life depended on it. As if there was no tomorrow. Cas' lips found their way onto Dean's neck working wonders there.

"I love you Cas. I can't wait until I marry you" Oh yes, I forgot to mention that they're engaged. Well in dream world they are. Dean hasn't gotten around to plucking up the courage to actually ask Castiel.

"W-what?" Cas asks, removing his lips from Dean's neck, staring down at him.

"Dean? What are you talking about. You're not dreaming. Well you are. But its really me."

"C-C" Dean, barely stuttered.

"Ask me again" Castiel demanded.

"Marry me?" Cas didn't give a verbal response, but Dean didn't need one. The kiss practically gave him the answer he was looking for. Dean was much more relaxed and sunk into the loving sex he was about to have.

Castiel worked his magic to make Dean become putty in his hands. And before Dean knew what was happening he let out an involuntary and well-deserved moan.

MEANWHILE SAM

In Sam's perspective Dean was tossing and turning in his sleep. Quite frankly he was disturbing his light reading. He was determined to finish this 500 page novel before sunrise, but he guessed fate had other ideas. He tried to concentrate his eyes on the interesting words that he really hasn't processed, he continued to try but watching Dean subconsciously react to his dreams was slightly more entertaining.

That was until the moan escaped Dean's lips. It was in that moment Sam had many regrets. One of them being sharing a room with his brother. Dean was spread out across the bed, emitting little whimpers every so often. Sam didn't want to know what his older brother was dreaming about but didn't need two guesses.

Disturbing Sam's disgust was Gabriel and Balthazar popping into existence.

"Heya Sammy!" Hollered Gabriel; the Archangel.

"Evening Gabriel. Balthazar. How can I help?"

"uh- what the heck is Deano dreaming about?"

"I really don't want to know" Sam replied quickly, his eyes dropping back down to the book in his hands.

"I bet its about you Balthy" Gabriel Joked.

"Sorry, you have me confused with the other angel. You know the one in the dirty trench coat who's in love with well-- humanity. Specifically that human." Balthazar retorted, gesturing towards a sleeping Dean Winchester.

Moments later another moan left Dean's lips. Then silence fell among those both conscious and unconscious.

"oh they're so dating" Gabriel stated.

"you think I didn't catch on?" Sam asked, rhetorically.

Follow Me on Instagram @spideytomstan / @crowleysflairforthedramatc /@Siriuslypunkrock :)

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oldfashionedswiftcurse · 7 years ago

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Alwyn vs. Swift Pt. 3

A few weeks had passed, and Joe was still as persistently in lust with Taylor. As per their agreement, Taylor refused to lose this “challenge” that Joe had created for them. Her first two dates were with two of Rebecca’s friends, and while the guys were nice, Taylor knew that it wasn’t enough to start anything serious. Her last date was unexpected, and she was actually excited for it.

Martin, one of the members of Joe’s band, made the decision to ask her out during one of their late night pub crawls. He was nervous, and she knew that despite being friends with Joe, he didn’t have the same air of haughtiness, or at least didn’t publicly show it the way Joe did. When Martin showed up at her townhouse armed with a bouquet of flowers, Taylor blushed immediately and put them in water as soon as possible. He was dressed in a light blue dress shirts, trousers, and loafers, and she grew nervous at her own outfit: a fitted red lace dress.

She followed behind him as he led them to a brightly lit restaurant, an Italian place. He was an only child with happily married parents who adored him and naturally spoiled him (he blushed while mentioning this). Similarly, he wanted to start his own record company and keep producing quality music for a long time. Taylor told him about her own family, conveniently leaving out her mother’s abandonment. She didn’t want to scare Martin about her mommy issues on their first date. Afterward, they walked hand in hand to a park where Martin surprised her with a movie under the stars. It was thoughtful and romantic that is until she spotted Joe and his date, Janet. Taylor couldn’t help the biting sting of jealousy that she felt at seeing them.

As Martin set up their blanket, Taylor went to the food stand to pick them up some popcorn and drinks. Suddenly, she felt a pair of warm hands on her waist and knew that Martin wouldn’t have been so brash on their first date. She stiffened and smirked when she saw Joe’s grinning face.

“You look marvelous tonight,” he whispered into her ear. “It’s such a pity that you’re not coming home with me.”

She rolled her eyes and turned to face him.

“Such a pity,” she muttered sarcastically, glancing around to make sure Martin didn’t see their interaction. “What are you doing here?”

“Ah, curious about my night’s activities, are you love? Well, I’m on a date as well, a very nice girl. You may have met her, Janet.”

Taylor paused.

“Of course you’d ask out the girl that had total heart eyes for you just yesterday. Safe move,” she teased, and he eyed her wickedly.

“Are you jealous, Swift? Who did you end up going out tonight with anyway?”

Taylor nodded her head over to where Martin was sitting, and Joe’s smile carefully turned into a frown.

“Safe choice as well,” he began, picking up two bags of popcorn. “Martin is a great guy, really. He’s nice and manageable…he reminds me of my grand mum honestly. Maybe not the best choice for a spitfire like you though.”

“Sometimes, people can surprise you. Naturally, you’d expect us to be most compatible because people have this wrong interpretation of hatred and sexual chemistry.”

“Mhm,” he mumbled, wrapping his hand around her waist. “Sometimes, it’s the right interpretation. There’s no one I’d rather make love to right now than you.”

She froze, making sure he couldn’t see her red cheeks.

“I’m just another challenge to you, Joe. You only want me because you can’t have me.”

“That’s not true, love. I want you for so many reasons that I’ve lost track of them all.”

She glanced around, and surely enough, Martin was looking for her.

“Show me the real you, Joe Alwyn. I don’t want the playboy popular guy or the soulful indie singer. Maybe that’s what makes you and Martin so different. All I know about you is that you want to get into my pants.”

Joe froze, and Taylor walked away. When she returned to Martin, she found Joe’s eyes still locked on her. Snuggling close into Martin’s shoulder, she clasped his waist tightly and knew how jealous this would make Joe. At the end of the night, once the movie was over, Taylor turned to Joe. Despite being engaged in a liplock with Janet, every time that he would come up for air, he would glance over at her. She anticipated this, so that when he separated from Janet as the credits rolled, Taylor kissed Martin. It took him by surprise, but he reciprocated immediately, and she felt the gentle touch of his lips against hers. It was nice and sweet, but it was not the passion she had desired for her whole life. Taylor began to realize that maybe passion wasn’t the most important ingredient in relationships. She had all the passion in the world with Joe, but even she could predict the eventual downfall of that relationship.

Martin walked her back home, and Taylor fell asleep thinking about that night. The only problem was that she wasn’t thinking about the way Martin’s lips felt against her; she was thinking of the way Joe’s fingers felt around her waist.

The next day, Rebecca told Taylor about a party at someone’s flat. Although everyone was going, Taylor decided to stay in for the night. Rebecca invited her over to her mansion of a house, and the girls decided to make it a movie/game night. The girls tied their hair back, threw on some sweatpants, and proceeded to play Monopoly with The Notebook playing in the background. They ordered a pizza, and eventually, Taylor was not only sans makeup but she also had greasy fingers and a competitive look on her face when Joe stumbled in.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?”

“Joseph, if you even think about taking a picture of us like this, I will kick your arse all the way to America. Right, Tay?”

Taylor giggled at Rebecca’s idea of a joke, but she acquiesced.

“You look all dressed up,” she admitted, eyeing him slowly.

He was wearing a white button-up shirt that showed off his tanned biceps, and his jeans fit him perfectly. Taylor gazed at him, amazed at how put together he looked. He always looked so put together. Within seconds, she caught a whiff of his cologne, and it smelled intoxicating. When she made eye contact with him, she found him smirking back at her.

“You’ve chosen a night of pizza and games over a night of drinking and dancing?”

Taylor nodded triumphantly.

“I’m impressed, Swift. You’re my type of girl.”

At that moment, Joe reached for his cell phone, calling someone.

“Sorry, love. I’ve decided to spend a night in tonight. Enjoy the festivities,” he said playfully, and Taylor knew he had called Janet.

“You know, if you expect to win this challenge, you can’t cancel on your girlfriend,” Taylor admitted, and Rebecca groaned in disgust.

“I can’t believe you actually made a bet with him, Taylor. At any given time, he has about ten ongoing bets, each one more disgusting than the next.”

“Becks, I think Taylor is old enough to make her own decisions. If she decides to fall for a gambler like me, who can blame her?”

Both girls groaned in disgust, and Joe chuckled.

“So who’s winning?”

He took a seat next to Taylor, throwing his cell phone on the sofa behind them. She couldn’t deny how attractive it was that he didn’t need to be glued to his phone at all times. Downing a slice of pepperoni pizza in a few bites, Joe managed to catch up to both girls, despite their pleas that he had cheated. Before Taylor’s last move, which she was positive would ensure her victory, Joe began to speak.

“You know, it’s scary how rigged these games can be.”

“You’re just mad because Taylor’s going to win,” Rebecca stated.

“Yeah, Joe. Don’t be a sore loser.”

“All it takes is one wrong move by the victor, and they are the victor no more. Sometimes, it can even be something that happens to the victor,” he stated, emphasizing the “to.”

At that moment, Joe lunged for Taylor’s abdomen and began to tickle her. In her fit of giggles, she knocked over the game board, and Joe chuckled in victory. She clutched her abdomen in defense, but Joe broke through every defense with his nimble fingers. After she had surrendered in defeat, Joe began to clean up their mess while Rebecca yawned.

“I’d walk you out, Tay, but I think I may collapse from exhaustion,” she said, barely able to stand up straight.

“It’s fine. I’ll help Joe clean up, and then I’ll find my way out of this maze,” she muttered, gesturing to the large, mostly vacant house.

After Rebecca left, they spent a few minutes in silence cleaning up. Eventually, Joe broke the silence.

“We can clean our heads off, and my parents still won’t notice anything,” he joked, but Taylor could feel there was something deeper to this particular joke.

“How often are they home?”

“Less often than is optimal for two children in dire need of parental supervision. Becks and I have experimented with all kinds of nannies, but nothing beats the real thing,” he said sadly.

“My dad’s hardly around too. He’s always working or golfing or anything to avoid spending any time with me.”

“I’m sorry, love.”

“If your parents knew what amazing kids they had, they would be here in a heartbeat. Parents are weird like that, I guess.”

“Can I show you something?” Joe questioned, and Taylor reluctantly nodded.

He reached for her hand, and she knew that she shouldn’t take it, but she did. Wrapping her right hand in his left, Joe led her outside to a large tree house perched in their backyard. He led her up the wooden ladder until they were finally in the dimly lit room. To her right, Taylor spotted pictures and pictures of Joe and his friends, Joe and Rebecca, and Joe with multiple strange women who she now knew were his many nannies. To her left, she found a shoddily made bed, a desk, and a shelf filled with different kinds of trophies, awards, and ribbons.

“You won all of these?” She asked, separating from him to run her hands over his achievements. 1st place in a local Karate championship. 1st place in the school spelling bee. Most Likely to Become Prime Minister on a ribbon. Class Clown on a medal. High grades in all of his classes. 1st place in a school music competition.

“You’re sort of amazing at everything,” she whispered, and she turned to find him with his hands in his jeans pockets watching her. “Now I know where the cockiness comes from.”

He chuckled behind her, moving closer.

“I tried everything. I told my parents when I was picking up a new hobby or if I got the highest grades on an exam because I just wanted them to be there, you know? They showed up the first few times, but then they just stopped. When I did well, they didn’t notice.”

“So you tried being bad?” She teased, and he chuckled once more.

“Something like that. I got suspended a few times, and they needed a parent to come and sign me out. Eventually, they managed to maneuver the system. They gave my fucking nannies parental supervision to sign me out just so they wouldn’t have to show their faces.”

Taylor paused, turning to face Joe. His head was tilted to the floor, his eyes growing sadder with each passing second. She saw him kick at the floor, even though there was nothing there.

“Joe…your parents are idiots,” she muttered, reaching for his chin.

She lifted his head to face her, smiling at him.

“So what if they’ll never realize how caring and selfless their children are? You’ll always have someone who won’t hesitate to scream that from the rooftops. I can do it right now if you want me to,” she said, moving toward the door.

“No, no,” he said, laughing. “I don’t need my neighbors to know about how awesome I am. They catch a glimpse every day.”

“How do you do that?” She asked, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “How do you jump from gut-wrenchingly honest to this persona so quickly?”

“Years of practice, I guess,” he admitted, eyeing her. “It’s a defense mechanism, Taylor. I can’t help the way I am.”

“I know,” she whispered gingerly. “After my mom abandoned my dad and me, I learned all about coping. It was the worst time of my life.”

“Did you ever find out why she left?”

There was a look of genuine concern on his face.

“My dad said she wasn’t ready to be a mom. I think that’s a cheap excuse. I think my dad resented me a little bit after that because I was the reason he lost the love of his life.”

“Bullshit. You’re supposed to be the love of his life. You’re his damn child, for God’s sake,” Joe said angrily.

“I think our parents are just really messed up, and I don’t think they deserved to have children at all. You know, I didn’t need a huge house or a new car every year or anything like that. I’d give anything for just one night watching TV or making dinner or…it’s stupid, I know.”

“It’s not,” Joe muttered, reaching for her hand. “It’s what you deserve at the least. You’re amazing, Taylor.”

They held hands for about a minute, and Taylor scanned the tree house.

“How many times have you slept out here?”

“A few. I did it once during a thunderstorm with Becks, and it was the funniest thing. Our nanny couldn’t find us and started screaming our names. Eventually, when she found us, she laughed it off though.”

Taylor yawned, apologizing.

“Sleep over,” Joe said, motioning toward the bed. “I’ll take the floor. You’re too tired to go home right now.”

She paused, but acquiesced once she fell onto the mattress. They continued talking for the rest of the night, and Taylor fell asleep somewhere in the middle of a conversation.

#alwyn vs. swift #taylor and joe #taylor and joe fanfiction #taylor swift #joe alwyn

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captainehren · 8 years ago

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hOkay, so... this happened. I happened to look down at the comments on this youtube video https://youtu.be/5GFKpU6a8rM and saw a bunch of guys babbling about MGTOW and how they’re done with women because feminism has made a lot of women become something awful. So I looked up MGTOW and then saw one guy describe his decision to “Men Go Their Own Way” by being done with relationships with women.

Jimbob Day: The fact is western women are not worth it anymore. The overwhelming majority of them are feminists and SJWs. That's why men should go MGTOW. Don't waste your time on them and by no means don't protect them from Islam, if they want it. Let them do what they want and reap the consequences

Jimbob Day: don't assume us men won't do nothing, I for one would rather die than watch sharia take over. The fact is I won't protect women (outside my family) as they don't want to be saved. That's all I mean

Jimbob Day: I've come to realise, a lot of the sexual assaults towards women in Germany and Europe, many of them were liberals promoting Muslim migration, so why feel sorry for them?

Jimbob Day: just use them for sex (play safe of course or she will bring the full force of the legal system on you) and nothing more. We still have needs after all. Pursue sexual relationships or become financially stable and rely on top rate escorts. Until sex robots become realistic enough and they will then lose all their value

Jimbob Day: MGTOW has opened our eyes to the real nature of women. You seek men for your own selfish needs and desires. In that case you point out, you want us for your protection. In other cases you want us for our money or security. The 80/20 rule sums up women in a nutshell. At this point I wouldn't help you lot from the Islamic migrants in Europe. You lot can have Islam.

Jimbob Day: you and me have different interpretations of what beta is. You probably think an alpha male is a white knight who worships the ground his woman walks on until the divorce comes in and then he's stripped of everything. Lol, I don't plan on going down that route

Jimbob Day: Men Go Their Own Way. A passive philosophy whereby men avoid marriage and dating as the law and state are against them. We sacrifice so much but get little back for the contract we sign. It instead promotes self development, career driven lifestyles and finding self content without a woman (although you can still satisfy yourself sexually with women but outside dating and marriage)

Me: So, you’re going to be gay?

Jimbob Day: lol if that's how little understanding of MGTOW you have, your wont convince anyone.

to be fair, I had to look up the MGTOW bullshit and then read a few more of his statements to get an idea of what he was actually talking about, but it was funny to me to ask if he wants to be gay instead.

Some more hilarity from this dickless wonder.

Jimbob Day: I honestly see no reason why we should protect women who want Islam in the west, when they do get sexually assaulted or raped. Majority women in western countries are liberal, majority of people in cities are liberal, majority of young people are liberal. So when a young women in the city gets sexually assaulted (as these are places where migrants congregate), there is a 99% chance she is liberal. She wanted migrants in the country so why on earth should we help her? I would rather help an older woman as statistically she will most likely be conservative and voted against this shit. But younger women, lol no chance

Jimbob Day: It's a shaming tactic. You know MGTOW is doing something right when these people feel the need to actively shame us. I've noticed it a lot nowadays. I'm in my 20s and family, friends and other girls are dropping the typical "why haven't you got a girlfriend?" question. It doesn't matter what I respond with, they will shame me by saying "You are gay then" or "it's not normal to be single". At first it was annoying but I've actually come to realise how empty their lives are. They themselves cannot function without a partner in life, they need someone around them. They are a slave. I personally am perfectly happy single. I can honestly say the last year has been my greatest year on all aspects but most of all self development and self content. I can find content with my own self company. If that is not the definition of a free man, I don't know what is. Let them shame us, take it as a compliment almost.

And then I got another of these pussies trying to act like he’s 2edgy.

Starlord: Jimbob Day I agree brother, we are free Men who don't depend on others validation. Like Gandhi once said- "First they laugh at you, then they shame you and in the end you win". Our WHITE Race won't die out because by the time millennial generation dies, we'll be able to produce babies with the help of artificial womb's. Trump is just going to delay the collapse.

He sounds like he just finished watching Armitage III. Did you get enough of Nomi Malone the gynoid?

Jimbob Day: +Starlord The Emperor of Infinity!, Precisely, currently we are dependent on women to breed. Its a hold they have over us and we find ourselves on the fence deciding whether we take the risk and breed with them to continue our civilisations, OR we go our own way and be free without the risk. Its an annoying predicament but once artificial wombs come into place, the migrants can have the women, we no longer need them. We can have as many kids as we want and raise them properly. It solves both our issues and sex robots will keep us sexually satisfied. I can not wait. DNA engineering will be so advanced that we can even specify what sex our offspring are, make them free of disease and what not. Exciting times ahead

So both of you finished watching Armitage III. Okay...

I love how both of them are talking about it like it’s a guarantee rather than a science fiction possibility.

Starlord: White women also hit the wall first and in the most ugly way. A 40 YO Asian women looks better then a 30 YO White women

I’m 34. I get mistaken for someone about the age of 20 to 25 constantly.

Jimbob Day: This is very true. White women age atrociously. Black women age the best. White women who hit the wall will publicly change their image in the eyes of men but really they are the same person deep down, searching for a better top 20% mate. They will jump ship when the opportunity comes. 80% of marriages are initiated by women for a reason.

probably because they’re married to cunts like you.

And that brings us to this delightful exchange. trust me... reading through all the trash above is pretty worth it to get to this. These guys are... really something.

me: so avoiding commitment and love. got it.

Starlord: Avoiding commitment? Yes. Avoiding Love? LOL😁 Do you also believe in unicorn!

Me: currently laughing as I read through some of the comments. See, I would like to be married, have a family, and be happy with a man that adores me as much as I do him. I don't trust in sex before marriage, and it would seem that is perfectly reasonable looking at some of the comments here. None of you are men. You're little boys trying to make excuses for yourselves. Maybe I'm super old fashioned, but it's pretty clear not a single MGTOW here is a man. I hope you find happiness, just don't do it by making girls believe you want them as anything but a replacement for your sock. be up front about your ideas.

me: well, love leads to marriage. it leads to commitment, ergo, yes you are avoiding love. unless you're telling ladies you love them before you dump them when you're through with getting laid by them.

Starlord: You can call us boys or whatever you want. We don't care what others think. First resources lead to marriage and then resources lead to divorce. Love is for loser's. Either you love women or you understand them. I choose the later. I will pump and dump, what's wrong with that?

I need a gif of Peggy Carter saying “you still don’t know a bloody thing about women.” Because it fits.

me: Starlord The Emperor of Infinity! just be upfront about that when looking for your sock replacements and don't lead women on as though you actually care about them. that's all I really care about. otherwise, you're a coward.

Starlord: Why I should not lie and why I am a coward?

me: Starlord The Emperor of Infinity! well, if you led a girl on to think you actually wanted her that'd be as cowardly as if she did that to you. if you're up front with your ideas then at least you're not willfully hurting people for your own selfish desires.

Starlord: Who said I lie or hurt girls? I just have sex and leave what's wrong with that?

Just keep this one in mind, folks, because he’s about to heel turn FAST.

Me: nothing. as I said as long as you're upfront.

Starlord: Are you really that much naive? Why would the majority of women have sex with me if I told them that I just wanna fuck and leave. You are delusional and don't know how the world works. You look mature, but I know how the world works better then you at 19.

Me: then you admit that you're a coward. you clearly don't tell your women you don't want a relationship so you can bang them instead of being up front about it.

Starlord: I live in reality and I know sometimes you have to manipulate people to get what you want. I only care about myself and I will do whatever I want to do. Fuck your feel good, be good thinking.

Me: so you admit you're a coward that has to lie to get into women's panties because you can't get any by being a self righteous pussy that's about as edgy as his own flaccid dick.

Starlord: You ain't know shit about me. I do what I want to do what's your problem with that? What do you want me to do? Don't waste my time and focus on your life. I don't care what you think or do. So STFU!

Me: says the dude who is getting butthurt because I pointed out how pathetic he is.

#MGTOW #feminism #these guys are stupid #and hilarious

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entertainworldinfo · 3 years ago

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They are one of the international’s most exciting political couples. The taboo-breaking, technology-spanning romance between Emmanuel Macron and his spouse, Brigitte, 24 years his senior and his former drama instructor, has captivated people across the globe. The fascination with the woman who left her first husband, father of her three kids, for one in all her college students who would at some point grow to be the president of France, is infinite. A new ebook promises to shed light in this not likely love story.

Il Venait D’Avoir Dix-Sept Ans (‘He Had Just Turned 17’) by Sylvie Bommel, a respected journalist who writes for Le Journal du Dimanche, covers their childhoods, their assembly and the dynamics of their current courting.

Emmanuel macron’s wife was a really talented sixteen-yr-vintage (Brigitte’s daughter, Laurence, as soon as got here domestic from her Catholic faculty and informed her: ‘Mummy, there may be a crazy boy in our magnificence who is aware of the whole thing approximately the whole thing’) when he fell madly in love along with his glamorous teacher.

Soon after they met, the e book famous, he alluded to her favored novel in a college essay that received a country wide prize. ‘If no person has lived romantic aspirations as intensely as Emma, in Flaubert’s Madame Bovary, many humans have at a while skilled a penchant for ‘Bovarism’, possibly handiest deep inside themselves,’ the future president wrote.

Bommel speculates he may additionally had been addressing Brigitte without delay. She had often told pupils of her love of Flaubert’s masterpiece, and many had already noticed the close rapport that developed nearly instantly between instructor and schoolboy.

Bommel says she wrote the book because: ‘I desired to recognize how a girl from the provincial petite bourgeoisie, knowledgeable by nuns, had the great audacity to defy her own family and famous morality to make a 2nd life with a man 24 years more youthful.’ When Macron joined Brigitte’s drama membership, she had been married to Andre-Louis Auziere, a banker, for nearly two a long time. He is proven in Bommel’s e-book to be intelligent and kind, however dull, like Monsieur Bovary. Two years older than Brigitte, who became just 21 after they married, her first husband is defined as handsome, ‘tall, darkish and narrow, with quality functions’. Yet, one friend says, ‘he turned into no fun’, with some other telling the author: ‘At dinner events, he scarcely uttered a phrase.’

A woman friend of Brigitte says: ‘He turned into so neutral. A bit like lukewarm water beside her, whilst she turned into always glowing.’ The now reclusive Auziere, who isn't recognized to have remarried, has in no way commented publicly about his ex-wife or Macron. Tiphaine, the more youthful daughter he had with Brigitte, stated: ‘My father is very properly, however he needs to remain in the most whole anonymity.’

Like her siblings, Tiphaine, six years younger than Macron, receives on nicely with the president, who seems extremely joyful to play step-grandfather to their kids. Tiphaine even stood as one among his party’s candidates within the 2017 election.

When Brigitte met Macron, her son, Sebastien, changed into slightly older than him and Laurence the equal age. But he has controlled to forge a close relationship with them.

Macron’s dad and mom, alarmed via what they considered as an irrelevant dating with an older girl, hastily packed him off to Paris to finish his research, but he endured seeing Brigitte. He blames failing the entrance exam to the elite Ecole Normale Superieure two years going for walks on being ‘too much in like to revise’.

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democratsunited-blog · 6 years ago

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Obama urges people to vote Democratic in ‘pivotal’ midterm election

https://uniteddemocrats.net/?p=9638

Obama urges people to vote Democratic in ‘pivotal’ midterm election

OBAMA DIVES IN — Former President Barack Obama took a big public step back into electoral politics on Friday, saying in a speech in Illinois that the midterms will be “one of those pivotal moments when every one of us as citizens of the United States need to determine just who we are, what it is that we stand.” He also publicly critiqued President Donald Trump by name for the first time since leaving office, calling him a “symptom, not the cause” of the ugliness of American politics. Obama reserved his sharpest criticisms for the Republican party at large. My colleague Edward-Isaac Dovere: “It’s about Republicans ‘who know better in Congress … bending over backwards to shield’ Trump. They’re hypocrites, he said, and they’re just as dangerous to America. At times mocking them and at times laying into them, Obama said they’ve abandoned all that they’re supposed to stand for as Republicans, and as citizens of this country.”

He then headed west to California, hosting a rally Saturday for seven Democrats seeking to win seats currently held by the GOP. “I gave a long speech yesterday,” Obama said Saturday. “Today is a different role. Today, really what I want to do is highlight the extraordinary collection of candidates who have decided to step up.” But as POLITICO’s David Siders noted, Republicans saw some upsides in 44’s Golden State swing: “Although Hillary Clinton carried the districts of all seven candidates featured at the rally during her 2016 presidential bid, Obama lost five of them in 2012, carrying only the two competitive districts in California’s Central Valley. Obama lost California’s Orange County twice. Of his return appearance, said Rob Pyers of the California Target Book, which handicaps races in California, ‘I’m not sure it’s helpful.’ ‘It seems like a gift’ to the National Republican Congressional Committee, he said.”

Story Continued Below

The reaction from Trumpworld has been muted, at least by the standards of this White House. Vice President Mike Pence pooh-poohed Obama’s appearances: “It was very disappointing to see President Obama break with the tradition of former presidents and become so political and roll out the same tired arguments that he and liberals have made over the last eight years,” he said on “Fox News Sunday,” despite working in an administration that sometimes revels in breaking tradition. Trump himself has largely held his fire. During a campaign stop in North Dakota on Friday, the president said that he “fell asleep” during his predecessor’s speech. Trump himself best summed up what Republicans are feeling about Obama’s return to the national stage: “If that doesn’t get you out to vote for the midterms, nothing will.”

Good Monday morning. A big congrats to everyone’s favorite Senate reporter James Arkin, who got married over this weekend. In lieu of wedding gifts, send him your best scoops once he returns later this week. As always email me at [email protected] or DM me at @ZachMontellaro.

Email the great Campaign Pro team at [email protected], [email protected], [email protected] and [email protected] and [email protected]. Follow them on Twitter: @PoliticoScott, @ec_schneider, @DanielStrauss4, @JamesArkin and @MaggieSeverns.

Join POLITICO for a special Playbook Elections event in Ohio on 9/20 to discuss how the 2018 midterm elections are shaping up. RSVP here.

Days until the 2018 election: 57.

Upcoming election dates — Sept. 11: New Hampshire primaries. — Sept. 12: Rhode Island primaries. — Sept. 13: New York (state-level) primaries.

BIG MONEY — The Koch network is adding another arm to its constellation of conservative groups. Campaign Pro’s Maggie Severns: “The new super PAC, AFP Action, will give the Koch network’s largest arm — Americans for Prosperity — significantly more leeway to push lawmakers directly on political issues, adding another tool to AFP’s arsenal at a moment when the Koch network is trying to assert its power in Washington. … The new super PAC has been under discussion for some time and does not affect the Koch network’s already-set plans to spend $400 million on politics and policy this election cycle, spokesman Bill Riggs said.”

NO DETENTE — The DCCC has pledged to not used hacked materials in campaigning. But the NRCC? Not so much. The Atlantic’s Natasha Bertrand: “Their Republican counterparts declined to match that commitment, pulling out of the pledge negotiations just days before the oath was finalized and shifting the blame to the Democrats—and to the press. ‘I will say we were close’ to reaching an agreement, said a [NRCC] official familiar with the talks, who requested anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to reporters about internal discussions. But ‘one of the major sticking points’ was how to address the press coverage of hacked materials, the official added.”

PRIMARY PREVIEW — With just a couple of primary days left, New Hampshire’s 1st District remains one of the last undecided battleground districts. Campaign Pro’s Elena Schneider previews Tuesday’s Democratic primary: “Democrat Maura Sullivan entered the race for New Hampshire’s battleground House seat as the archetypal candidate of 2018 — but with one nagging problem: She moved to the district in June 2017. … [Democrat Chris] Pappas is, unsurprisingly, emphasizing his local roots and endorsements, including Sens. Jeanne Shaheen and Maggie Hassan and former Gov. John Lynch. In June, Pappas pledged to raise the majority of his money from inside the state, a move contrasting with Sullivan’s mostly non-New Hampshire fundraising.”

TRUMP ON THE TRAIL — Trump is heading to Mississippi for a rally promoting GOP Sen. Cindy Hyde-Smith on Friday, the Mississippi Clarion Ledger’s Geoff Pender reported. Hyde-Smith is facing former Democratic Rep. Mike Espy and Republican Chris McDaniel in the November special election.

PANIC BUTTON — Republicans are issuing an all-hands-on-deck call in a bid to shore up Sen. Ted Cruz’s (R-Texas) reelection fight against Democratic Rep. Beto O’Rourke. POLITICO’s Alex Isenstadt: “With a string of polls showing GOP Sen. Ted Cruz’s lead slipping, Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick showed up in Washington on July 25 to deliver an urgent plea to White House officials: Send President Donald Trump. … The lieutenant governor soon got his wish: Trump announced on Twitter late last month that he was planning a blowout October rally for Cruz, his former GOP rival. …

“Texas Sen. John Cornyn, who’s planning an October fundraiser for Cruz at Washington’s Capital Grille restaurant, said he had a simple directive to GOP givers. … The anti-tax Club for Growth, which spent millions on Cruz during his 2012 Senate bid, has started a seven-figure advertising blitz aimed at tearing down the Democratic congressman. … A handful of other well-funded groups are considering joining the effort, including the Koch-backed Americans for Prosperity, the Mitch McConnell-aligned Senate Leadership Fund, the newly formed Senate Reform Fund, and Ending Spending, which in the past has been bankrolled by major GOP financiers including New York City investor Paul Singer.”

THE RARE RED PICKUP? — Republicans are turning to Minnesota for the rare opportunity to play offense in the battle for the House. USA Today’s Nora Hertel and Eliza Collins: “Republicans are working hard to grab Minnesota’s Congressional Districts 1 and 8. President Donald Trump captured both of the mostly white, rural districts in 2016 – District 1 by 15 percentage points and District 8 by 16. Then Republicans got lucky when both Democratic incumbents decided not to run. … National Republicans have deployed their best surrogate – the president – to fire up the base in District 8, while outside groups are pouring money into the state.”

LOOKS FAMILIAR — In a Congressional Leadership Fund ad in Kansas’ 3rd District, a mother said she is fearful of policies promoted by Democrat Sharice Davids. But left out of the ad is the fact that she is a state GOP official. McClatchy’s Bryan Lowry: “What [Alana] Roethle does not say in the ad is that she is secretary of the Kansas Republican Party and a member of the Kansas Lottery Commission, who was appointed to her seat by then-Gov. Sam Brownback in 2015.”

ANTI-VAX GONE MAINSTREAM — Kevin Stitt, the Republican gubernatorial nominee in Oklahoma, expressed skepticism of vaccines. The Daily Beast’s Sam Stein: “Stitt said he personally did not vaccinate some his own kids and opposed legislation that would require vaccinations for children if they wanted to attend public schools. ‘I believe in choice,’ Stitt said … [A spokeswoman] said that Stitt did not believe that vaccinations cause harmful medical side effects — an oft-argued and scientifically baseless claim from vaccine skeptics. The ‘root of his decision,’ she said was the desire for parental choice.”

** Presented by AARP: There’s only one true deciding factor in this year’s elections: 50-plus voters. They won’t be ignored and their votes are up for grabs. Medicare, Social Security, support for family caregivers, and prescription drug costs are all on the line—so you can be sure they’ll be voting in record numbers. aarp.org/vote **

POORLY TIMED PROBLEMS — Ahead of New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s contested Democratic primary against Cynthia Nixon, he’s dealing with two problems that his opponents say are emblematic of his tenure. The New York Times’ Jesse McKinley, Shane Goldmacher and Tyler Pager: “[A span of a new bridge] never opened as planned on Saturday as engineers invoked a ‘potentially dangerous situation’. … What had seemed a perfectly orchestrated ribbon-cutting, just days before Thursday’s primary, quickly morphed into a cudgel for the governor’s opponents, who accused him of putting politics above public safety and called for a federal investigation. Then, a second problem erupted for Mr. Cuomo on Saturday, when a flier landed in mailboxes of Jewish New Yorkers: a political mailer, paid for by the State Democratic Party that Mr. Cuomo funds, tying together a photograph of his opponent, Cynthia Nixon, and the loaded words ‘anti-Semitism.’ The flier drew swift rebukes from fellow Democrats as Mr. Cuomo distanced himself from its content.”

UNDER WRAPS — The RNC asked a judge to keep a plan for a potential 2020 recount secret. POLITICO’s Josh Gerstein: “The document was turned over to the Democratic National Committee as part of long-running litigation over the GOP’s alleged use of so-called “ballot security” measures to discourage minority voting. A transcript of a phone conference held in the case last year indicates the memo involves designation of particular counties as ‘high risk’ or ‘medium risk’ during a potential recount. Democratic Party lawyers said the selection of those counties raised the specter of the race-focused efforts the RNC agreed to abandon more than three decades ago.”

WALKER ON THE ROPES? — After several attempts, Democrats are convinced that this is the year they finally knock off GOP Gov. Scott Walker in Wisconsin. POLITICO’s Natasha Korecki: “The signs that Walker is ripe to be taken down are everywhere. His opponent, Schools Superintendent Tony Evers, has a slight lead in recent polls and there’s evidence that critical suburban voters are shifting leftward. … Just as important, Democrats are running a populist candidate they believe is made for the moment — Evers, who built momentum from decisively winning a crowded primary and went on to raise $1 million in his first week as the nominee. … The governor’s real soft spot in his bid for a third term, however, might be his 2016 run for president. …

“Walker’s durability and resilience — he’s been running and winning tough elections since his early 20s — inspires confidence among Republicans. He’s the last man standing among a Wisconsin GOP triumvirate who ascended to national prominence in the Obama era only to see their fortunes sputter during the Trump presidency.”

2020 WATCH — Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.) has taken two moves that signal he’s eying a presidential bid: He’ll headline the Iowa state party’s fall gala and has dispatched staffers to help Democratic candidates in the state, via The Guardian’s Ben Jacobs.

CODA — FACT OF THE DAY: 100 women could be elected to the House for the first time ever this cycle, with projected GOP losses being more than offset by projected Democratic gains, via Dave Wasserman.

** Presented by AARP: Americans 50 and over are the nation’s most powerful voting bloc. In fact, more than 60 million of them voted in 2016—and this year, they’re more motivated than ever to making sure that their voices are heard in Washington. They’re frustrated with broken government. And they’re fed up with politicians who’d rather get into fights than get results. The issues they care about most including Medicare, Social Security, support for family caregivers and prescription drug costs, are all on the line. America’s 50-plus voters have put the candidates on notice. Anyone who ignores them will feel it on Election Day. aarp.org/vote **

Read full story here

#Democrats

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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago

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The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands

One of the more interesting facts in Esther Perel’s new book, State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, comes near the beginning.

Since 1990, notes the psychoanalyst and writer, the rate of married women who report they’ve been unfaithful has increased by 40 percent, while the rate among men has remained the same.

More women than ever are cheating, she tells us, or are willing to admit that they are cheating — and while Perel spends much of her book examining the psychological meaning, motivation, and impact of these affairs, she offers little insight into the significance of the rise itself.

So what exactly is happening inside marriages to shift the numbers? What has changed about monogamy or family life in the past 27 years to account for the closing gap? And why have so many women begun to feel entitled to the kind of behavior long accepted (albeit disapprovingly) as a male prerogative?

These questions first occurred to me a few years ago when I began to wonder how many of my friends were actually faithful to their husbands.

From a distance, they seemed happy enough, or at least content. Like me, they were doing the family thing. They had cute kids, mortgages, busy social lives, matching sets of dishes. On the surface, their husbands were reasonable, the marriages modern and equitable. If these women friends were angry unfulfilled or resentful, they didn’t show it.

Is my husband having an affair?

Then one day, one of them confided in me she’d been having two overlapping affairs over the course of five years.

Almost before I’d finished processing this, another friend told me she was 100 percent faithful to her husband, except when she was out of town for work each month. Not long after, another told me that while she’d never had sex with another man, she’d had so many emotional affairs and inappropriate email correspondences over the years that she’d had to buy a separate hard drive to store them all.

What surprised me most about these conversations was not that my friends were cheating, but that many of them were so nonchalant in the way they described their extramarital adventures. There was deception but little secrecy or shame.

Often, they loved their husbands, but felt in some fundamental way that their needs (sexual, emotional, psychological) were not being met inside the marriage. Some even wondered if their husbands knew about their infidelity, choosing to look away.

“The fact is,” one of these friends told me, “I’m nicer to my husband when I have something special going on that’s just for me.” She found that she was kinder, more patient, less resentful, “less of a bitch.” It occurred to me as I listened that these women were describing infidelity not as a transgression but a creative or even subversive act, a protest against an institution they’d come to experience as suffocating or oppressive.

In an earlier generation, this might have taken the form of separation or divorce, but now, it seemed, more and more women were unwilling to abandon the marriages and families they’d built over years or decades. They were also unwilling to bear the stigma of a publicly open marriage or to go through the effort of negotiating such a complex arrangement.

These women were turning to infidelity not as a way to explode a marriage, but as a way to stay in it. Whereas conventional narratives of female infidelity so often posit the unfaithful woman as a passive party, the women I talked to seemed in control of their own transgressions. There seemed to be something new about this approach.

Up with adultery: An Italian woman’s manifesto

In The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women’s Infidelity, another book on infidelity to be published this November, the sociologist Alicia Walker elaborates on the concept of female infidelity as a subversion of traditional gender roles.

To do so, she interviews 40 women who sought or participated in extramarital relationships through the Ashley Madison dating site.

Like The State of Affairs, Walker’s text offers valuable insight simply by way of approaching its subject from a position of curiosity as opposed to prevention or recovery, and she investigates which factors led the women in her study to go outside their marriages.

Surely, one might think, a woman who would do such a thing must be acting out of a desire to escape a miserable marriage. And yet it turns out, this isn’t always the case: Many of the women Walker interviewed were in marriages that were functional. Like the women I knew who cheated, many of the interviewees said they liked their husbands well enough. They had property together. They had friendships together. They had children that they were working together to raise.

But at the same time, they found married life incredibly dull and constraining and resented the fact that as women, they felt they consistently did a disproportionate amount of the invisible labor that went into maintaining their lifestyle.

One woman in Walker’s book told her, “The inequality of it all is such an annoying factor that I am usually in a bad mood when my spouse is in my presence,” and another said that while her husband was a competent adult in the world, at home he felt like “another child to clean up after.”

Many of the friends I spoke to expressed similar feelings. “I shop and cook, my husband does dishes and empties the trash,” one told me. “We each do our own laundry. But I’ve always been in charge of the ‘calendar,’ and what I didn’t realize until recently is that in some way I’m in charge of managing many of our relationships.

My husband is a homebody and I initiate/plan almost all of our social endeavors. My mom got this phrase from her therapist: ‘keeping the pulse of the household’ — this idea that someone has to be managing the emotional heart of your tiny community. I think women do that a lot.”

And as Perel repeats frequently in this book, and in her previous one, little does as much to muffle erotic desire as this kind of caretaking and enmeshment.

I’m terrified of getting married

“I think there’s an incredible amount of deep resentment for women in America about divisions of labor,” said sociologist Lisa Wade when I asked her to comment on this contradiction. “And what social scientists are finding now is that there is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex.”

No matter how much attention is paid to these issues, she told me, “these kind of cultural beliefs hang on a long time after they’re relevant. They hang on in ways that are often invisible. A lot of women have tried to address these problems and have faced a lot of stubbornness from husbands. They feel there’s no way to win this battle. So maybe now what women are deciding is that infidelity is a third way.”

Of course, it’s a “third way” that is not feasible for everyone, even if more women are taking it up, usually women who feel financially secure and independent enough to risk potential fallout. These women seem to be finding that no amount of sensitivity or goodwill on the part of their husbands can save them from the fact that in every arena, from work to marriage to parenthood, they’re always doing more for less.

As Wade put it, “It’s such a precarious balance keeping everyone happy, that for many women, to start a long conversation about her own sexual satisfaction seems like a bad idea. We now tell women that they can have it all, that they can work and have a family and deserve to be sexually satisfied. And then when having it all is miserable and overwhelming or they realize marriage isn’t all it’s cracked it up to be, maybe having affairs is the new plan B.”

I tested this idea out on a few of the friends who had confided in me about their affairs, and most of them agreed. Twenty or thirty years ago they might have opted for divorce, because surely there was another man out there who could do better in this role, who could satisfy them completely. But a lot of these women are children of divorce. They lived through the difficulties divorce can create.

“Even now,” all these years later, one told me, “Do you know what my most vivid memory of Christmas is? Driving through a blizzard up I-95 in the back of one of their cars, and then they’d pull over on the side of the highway and hand off me and my brother without speaking. That was our Christmas. Why did these people marry in the first place?”

Maybe that’s the essential question, the question preceding those Perel explores in her book. Why do women still marry when, if statistics are to be believed, marriage doesn’t make them very happy?

I confided in a friend once that, after 15 years of marriage, the institution and the relationship itself continued to mystify me. At the time I married, marriage had felt like a panacea; it was a bond that would provide security, love, friendship, stability, and romance — the chance to have children and nice dishes, to be introduced as someone’s wife. It promised to expand my circle of family and improve my credit score, to tether me to something wholesome and give my life meaning.

Could any single relationship not fall short of such expectations? Maybe these women were on to something — valuing their marriages for the things it could offer and outsourcing the rest, accepting the distance between the idealization and the actual thing, seeing marriage clearly for what it is and not what we’re all told and promised it will be.

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My friend told me she felt this way of thinking was the only answer, and the way she’d come to reconcile her feelings about the relationship. She said that she used to compare her marriage to her parents’, who always seemed totally in love. “Until the end of my mom’s life they were spooning together every night in a double bed … not even a queen. But,” she added, “they were awful and narcissistic, with very little to give to their children.”

My friend felt she and her husband were much better parents, more involved and attuned to their kids.

“But often,” she went on, “it can feel like my husband and I are running a family corporation together and that our emotional intimacy consists of gossiping about our friends and watching Game of Thrones. Sometimes I wonder if when the kids leave I should either (a) have a passionate affair or (b) find another husband. I may do neither, but it seems like (a) is more likely than (b). I don’t have any illusions that marrying someone else will make me happy, not anymore.”