#protect trans kids feels less like something a trans kid says about themself

[threetrenchcoatsinatrenchcoat]

Keep the trans Gwen talk going but I raise you trans Hobie, yeah their shoes fit each other, and also "Wouldn't you like to know?", "I hate labels," and "I was this cool the whole time"

[unproduciblesmackdown]

today's politics corner is that asserting definitions of neurotypical "social skills" is, in itself, an assertion of ableism

some definition of The Correct Things To Do as an itemized, externalized list of "choices" supposedly available to all is of course no more tied to some universal, objective reality than efforts to define whiteness or womanhood; external qualities, whose manifestation is judged at the discretion of those empowered by being Normal to these people's Others (abnormal, deficient, inferior), are categorized and cited as evidence that supports others superiority and thus authority. people's identities can be made vulnerable by declaring associated categorized qualities that define/differentiate them as Other (abnormal, deficient, inferior) as Inappropriate. whose appearances and actions are deemed to, say, not belong in a job that's Too Good for them. the narrative that everyone responds not to social capital and hierarchy but to good faith assessment of Vibes and Cut Of Their Jibs while it just so happens that the sound of someone walking in high heels or the printed text of a name deemed nonwhite negatively affect how someone's "skills" are assessed, if ostensibly assessed at all

some people being inferior by existing wrong and those people being blamed for how they're mistreated Is Required for others to be higher up and stay higher up than them and maintain this superior power. having to consider that maybe you do have to email this person instead of call or chat in person, so that they can actually express themself successfully rather than have to cater to your comfort and convenience as more important than theirs or than said successful communication, and feeling like you're Wronged by this / they're insidiously leveraging something and are actually the one with all the power, is like, just more of [you are the one with the power and this threatens that entitlement] expressed in another realm. the authority of a parent, a workplace boss, whose behaviors are paramount and correct and get to define how everyone else gets to exist while they're all "responsible" for that one authority figure's behaviors. who gets to be "oh they're just like that" while someone else being "Just Like" someone who was hurt by that behavior must be dismissed so the impunity may be supported. kids "naturally" acting according to rules of bigotry by the time they're in preschool ofc goes for ableism as well. and "i'm not [bigoted] they're just [deflecting reasoning for why they bring it upon thmselves]" works for any justification of who's getting Inferior Status without having to cite the tl;dr of their more vulnerable identity, b/c none of this is about having to invoke and wield power through the market of verbally discussed ideas, itself created spontaneously anew every day vs ongoing constructions built upon ideas so entrenched by material power as to be expressed not by direct verbal assertion afresh but by the apparent Spontaneous, Natural Reality permeating existence and the limitations and boundaries of which are drawn and protected via the negative effects of who is now, as required, nonconforming or nonnormative (thus incorrect, inferior)

nobody in their life has only ever experienced mistreatment / punishment / efforts to control their life/deny their autonomy when they've in turn verbally defined & declared their othered, more vulnerable identity to the people in that situation. while, say, how many of the ppl a trans person's interacted with through a lifetime of transphobia think they've never even encountered a trans person, and they would know, so how can they have consciously enforced transphobia? and of course, Consciously and with specific / explicit awareness of [this person's identity, which Is supposedly one that can be Externally Detected (for purposes of immediately determining respective inferiority / superiority)] is the only way one can do that shit, rather than [the less effort it takes, including conscious consideration, to reinforce the hierarchical status quo, the more stable it is]. i would never be an asshole to someone Because they're autistic, i would just do it b/c they're autistic but i didn't know and i can cite their unlikable vibes or my subjective interpretation of their actions as my reasoning which totally isn't "so: b/c they're autistic," or i can fall back on "well obviously autistic people still need to learn to do [supposed rule that is not universally applied even in an office much less across all groups or cultures, see: anyone whose behavior is "abnormal" or (mis)interpreted by w/e dominant cultural standards also must be the ones in the wrong / who deserve punishment or at least to Have to cut that shit out and do it like how i thoughtlessly do things] and we should punish and abuse them until they do it. and people being like "well being autistic isn't an excuse" like who ever said it was but the people asserting ableism, with the narrative of individuals triumphing according to abled standards Despite their disability used as that effective Bootstraps argument to reinforce ableism in general by blaming the ppl ableism is being done to for the ableism done unto them. while ppl tend to Actually try to use the idea [disability is an excuse] to also just play into and further cement power structures, e.g. protect themselves like "i wasn't racist just now it was [the disability]," ppl who will accept [being a woman is an excuse for being inferior to men] like i'm not being transphobic i'm just [embracing the arguments behind misogyny]. the foregone conclusion is the reinforcement, incl. negating the least threat to, a social hierarchy and the fractalizations of authority/power imbalances therein, and so of course some people must be inferior and must take the Ls for it and must be themselves blamed for that. being passive aggressive isn't actually Savvy Consideration, heartbreaking news for nts and their mindreading empathy and impossible to be misunderstood (in any way they could avoid) allistics

this is just like be more chill fr with any manifestation of "if You'd just act the right way then you wouldn't be treated like this anymore / would have more social power / be more Deserving".......ABA is just abuse. navigating any given interaction even with "nice" "well meaning" allistic ppl is so so similar to navigating interactions w/an abuser, things are said At Me, in almost all cases i may as well not have said anything at all (which will of course also be negatively judged), my feelings aren't relevant while i'm urgently attempting to appease the feelings of wheoever else, i have no way to meaningfully express what i need here, which will not be listened to, the only possibility is their feeling wronged and my being in whatever more precarious / negatively treated way for it, etc, while of course only i can be blamed for that, b/c nothing else is even Possible for the other parties, their hands are tied while the world is my oyster. if someone has ptsd (shorthand, do i agree w/the inherently individualized and pathologized qualities & behaviors of ppl w/traumatic experiences? no) and you're even aware you Might adjust your behavior to interact more successfully w/them, including perhaps not distressing them, you're not the righteous and threatened person for it b/c you're the Normaller One who didn't have any Malicious Intent so how could they bully you like this, once again we're at the cruel uncaring (lack of) mercy of abuse victims, who probably wouldn't have been abused if they were normaller like me anyways (this is facetious) like next up let's all read the "conflict is not abuse" bog standard abuse apologia abt how, as ever, starting to think abuse victims have too much power.....ppl can just Saayyyeee they're trans or autistic and then get that golden ticket to the high life of venerated, untouchable status and running roughshod over the rest of us, damn them. can't talk to women these days they'll just Say you harassed them when all that sexism is just in their head, I've never been aware of it being everywhere and sure haven't deliberately invoked it myself, so i should write a book about how it's really out of pocket these days

it's beside the point to be like "ppl claim trans ppl are such a huge threat but trans ppl still make up such a small percentage of the population....we could take em in a fight....ridiculous" like The Threat is to the unquestioned and unchallenged authorities and hierarchies that are empowered to define our existences, and No Such Threat can be borne, trans people's autonomous existences are a threat b/c then what if Anyone's is, the pandora's box that "ruins" everything. children are threatened by mere awareness of concepts b/c what matters is a parents sense that a child is a nonperson who they own, make an investment in that should pay off eternally how they want, and whose existence they get to dictate: if you tell them trans people are terrible, or try to make sure they don't know it's possible they exist while asserting other [cishet gender binary] ideals, they surely will be cishet like you want, etc etc. if someone's existence seems to deviate, good thing we can and should just punish and restrict and control them into Having to conform. except whoops queer people exist when even their own parents didn't want them to or think they could, So True that the idea of freedom arises spontaneously, the need for control is so desperate b/c it is so unnatural and it breaks it leaks. the Issue is maintaining unchallenged unthreatened authority, the reasoning can be anything, the response can only be [furthering what you were already doing]

so zany i think of Socializing Ideals in terms of Principles, like, trying to actually communicate with each other versus that all that can happen is a power struggle or avoidance of any, being ready to be flexible / respond to a lack of success by changing an approach, not assuming you're always relatively righter or absolutely correct and that you should not now or ever learn or adapt or innovate or merely encounter anything novel or not immediately familiar....vs. some superificial one size fits all set of inflexible behaviors that will guarantee you're never in the wrong. has every interaction you've ever had been a success, or have there been plenty of times you didn't know you hurt someone b/c they realized they had to protect your ego / don't have the power to express they're hurt b/c it'll be seen as a Challenge to be negatively reacted to. (while if an autistic person is deemed rude then suddenly Their intent doesn't matter, vs nt ppl's intent being All that matters, and it's again all about [did they threaten someone's ego / the supposed reality of a social hierarchy]) like oh but i've always been socially well-received enough :) so i Must be doing something better than you, like yeah and the business owner w/rich parents must be economically savvier than poor people. it must just be a weird fluke that assholes, even to the degree of abusing certain ppl in their lives, can also be socially well-received and popular and liked and esteemed w/whatever status/positions, while the ppl abused are isolated / can only hope to Pass As Normal & Fine in interactions. and then even if they get out and seem cringely wary of, my god, even some socially well-received people, then they need to stop being weirdos with their defense strategies they learned to survive in situations of abuse, which was wrong of them (if they'd just Been Normal they would've gotten out immediately b/c that's what normal ppl Deserve, and surely are always meritously Earning). while it's also correct for autistic ppl to be isolated, unless they mask, or queer ppl, unless they like tone it down, or a woman unless she doesn't like keep throwing it in the lads' faces that she wants to be treated like a person, who can unwind with the fellas without dehumanizing women? i can't even think of how to conceive of my masculinity without its hinging on that very idea

anyways tl;dr there's no benign "helpful" assertion of supposed NT Social Rules / "Skills" or otherwise telling nd people how they Should act to not bring ableism upon themselves (incl like "oh this is my explanation of how to avoid ever hurting anyone's feelings, b/c when you do, you do in fact deserve ableism") b/c like oh congrats if you don't think autistic ppl should be tortured into it w/the infliction of physical / emotional pain (the [ABA is also just conversion therapy, for real]) but you Do think they bring upon themselves any pain from informal / spontaneous social punishment anytime anywhere forever and this should make them act more "correctly" (not be autistic).

the wine glass set shattering resonance of [experiences w/abuse] like: in a nuclear family. in a police state. in a school. that this can happen in other casual, not formally structured settings as well, i'm not not ready to name the Recognition / Familiarity / Resonance with just bog standard ~nt social skills~ ideas as an indirect expression of superiority, only truly able to be defined according to a social hierarchy in place, as yet another realm of "the principles / logic behind abuse are super 'normal' and permeating" like that shared autistic traits are like, that might be the "everyoneeee experiencing trauma" of it all, b/c trauma doesn't like adjust its own availability to remain some exception / outlier, it's a free for all; that "oh autistic ppl isolate themselves" is supposedly definitive rather than that their own methods of expression or nagivating social istuations is not supported or allowed, while they're also rejected by everyone. and the everyday asf "ordinary" ableist treatment of autistic ppl is in fact just abusive shit, no matter how ppl Feel about bestowing that treatment such that it's "justified / deserved." talking about Social Skills is doing apologetics for that abuse, even saying "oh yeah they don't have social skills but that's okay i guess." you have to have fundamental principles of respecting someone and that acknowledging the responsibility of navigating relationality isn't "autistic ppl need to not grate on me or say something i could possibly read into negatively, and i can lastingly and deeply hurt them as much as i want in turn, b/c all *i* need is the social power to do that, which i already have" like do you think you're justified in treating ppl a way so long as you Can. autistic ppl's "inflexibility" in adhering to asserted morals even if they think they could get away with it. the deserved condemnation to treatment as inferior if they don't "respect" whatever hierarchy and its expression. like if you think everything that's Normal enough must be good and so if You're normal enough, just go ham and assume the authority of "here's an instructive correction :)" if you're cruelly made aware someone was unhappy with your normalcy

[wizardcommune]

gundham sfw alphabet

pairing - gundham tanaka x gn!reader

warnings - none!!

word count - 1.8k

a/n - FUCK YEAH GUNDHAM (also i apologize, i got lazy near the end)

a = affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

in the beginning of the relationship, he would definitely be very hesitant to show physical or verbal affection since it wasn’t something he was used to. he’d show his love with acts of service and giving, most likely. (giving his s/o one of the devas if he knew they’d be separated for a short period of time, bringing them small trinkets he found like pretty rocks or bones, helping them with homework, etc.)

as time goes on, though, he’d become more comfortable with showing physical affection and would grow to become a huge cuddle bug!!! please hug him for me

b = best friend (what would they be like as a best friend?)

literally the coolest friend ever. especially if you had an alternative fashion sense, he’d be so down to go clothes shopping with you LMAO

if you were okay initiating physical affection outside of a romantic relationship, and were able to make him comfortable with that, he’d totally be That Friend who cuddles with you all the time!! he’d never mention it though, and would die on impact if you brought it up in front of any of his other friends/classmates

c = cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

once he’s comfortable with it, yeah! he’s definitely super touch starved because of him not having friends most of his life, so having someone to cuddle would make his brain go ^^^^^

honestly, he’s good with any position so it’s up to his s/o. he prefers being able to see their face, though

the first time he ever cuddled with them he cried :(( shh don’t tell anyone though

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

man that’s his DREAM!! the idea of just getting to live with his s/o + animals makes his serotonin machine go BRR

honestly, i think he would fucking suck at cooking. baking, however. :))

because of having to clean up after his animals and keep things out of their way, he would naturally be a pretty neat person out of habit!! i don’t think he’d mind too much if his s/o was messy though.

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I DIDNT DO THIS ONE BECAUSE IT MADE ME SAD IM SORRY

f = fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

gundham already sets up so many walls, and for his s/o to be able to break those down would already mean he’d be willing to commit. i don’t think he would ever just like.... date random people for funsies, so being in a romantic relationship with someone is already so big to him.

honestly, i can’t see him being the type to want to get married. he’d definitely want to settle down! but the idea of having a traditional wedding stresses him out. (of course, that doesn’t mean he’d be any less committed :))

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

dealing with small animals like the devas has left him gentle by nature!! he doesn’t even notice it, but he is always extremely careful with his s/o with the subconscious fear of accidentally hurting them/scaring them off :(

emotion wise, i think it’d be the same. when he cares about someone (whether it be romantic or platonic) he’s always cautious of teasing them too much since he knows that it can hurt sometimes. 

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

HE FUCKINGNF LOVES HUGS

they’re probably SO good too, like he’s the type to give those hugs that make you feel so safe. full on wraps his arms completely around you and rests his head on yours if you’re shorter (since he’d such a fucking giraffe my god)

i = i love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)

it would definitely take a while for gundham to admit it. i can see him saying it on accident, like when he thinks you’re sleeping or not paying attention to him. he’d also need a lot of reassurance afterwards, just because of that initial fear of rejection

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

if he sees someone flirting with his s/o and they’re uncomfortable, he’ll immediately wrap an arm around their shoulder.

“they said they’re taken, respect that knave.”

sometimes he does get insecure that’s he’s too much for his s/o, considering he’s an evil tyrant, and that they might want to leave him for someone who’s..... not an evil tyrant.... (once again, please give him a hug)

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

like i said before, he’s very gentle when it comes to affection so his kisses are vv soft!! he’ll always hold their chin or one of their hands.

his favorite places to kiss his s/o are probably their forehead and hands!!

he loves being kissed everywhere, but he really likes neck kisses and any kisses around his face :^)

l = little ones (How are they around children?)

he’s great with kids!! he’d tell them stories of how he defeated different warlocks that tried to test him, or giant manticores he tamed.

i think he’d really like kids too, mostly because they’re so easy to impress LMAO

it inflates his ego a little bit whenever one gets really into one of his stories

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

if he wakes up before his s/o, he’d gently pull them into a hug while he waits for them to wake up (sobbing)

morning voice morning voice morning voice morning voice morning v

he memorized how his s/o likes their tea/coffee and will make it really groggily HAHA

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

okokok hear me out

i think that gundham is a really good singer, so he would 100% sing u to sleep

he’d be embarrassed as hell though LMAOO

he’d probably cuddle them before they fall asleep and talk about each other’s days or just random stuff until they get tired

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

i think a few months into their friendship? he would talk about his childhood randomly, but would prefer if they don’t make a huge deal about it.

he’d open up more if his s/o did first! he would take it as they trust him enough to talk about it.

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

it depends on the person! with someone like hiyoko, he can get pissed pretty quickly, but his patience is VERY thick with his s/o. generally, it takes a lot to anger him. 

that being said, if they put themself in danger he would get ticked off out of fear.

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

especially in the beginning of their relationship when he was hesitant about physical/verbal affection, he would focus heavily on listening to them. he really wanted to show them that he respects them a lot, and remembering small things they mentioned would convey that well.

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

after coming out of the shower, he walked in to see them asleep on his couch with the devas curled up on top of their chest. he went to go lay down with them and it just kind of.. hit him. that he wasn’t alone anymore and they loved and were there for him. :( 

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

he’s very protective!! (especially if you’re in the killing game) the thought of something happening to you is his worst fear. 

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

ALL THE EFFORT

if his s/o asks him to do something in passing, you BET he’s gonna make sure he does his best

he keeps track of anniversaries/important dates religiously because he’s terrified of accidentally forgetting LMAO

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

sometimes i think he might come off as cold when embarrassed because his persona is so important to him, but if they expressed being upset he would backtrack SO fast

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

not very much?? like, i think he would brag about his hair or something sometimes but he’s always joking LMAO

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

yes and no? if something ever happened to his s/o, he would feel horribly empty for a time. but i also think that being in a relationship could help him not feel so lonely and teach him better ways to take care of himself, so if they were to ever split he would be able to heal after he got over the initial sadness.

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them.)

he’s a Mitski Understander (TM) his favorite songs are crack baby, pink in the night, and i bet on losing dogs, i’m up for debate

and yes i absolutely will be making a gundham playlist

i don’t know if this counts since i’m 90% projecting, but i hc him as trans and ND so like. solidarity if you are too wink wonk

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

a/n - just so everyone knows, i honestly think every character would be fine with any type of person since projecting is so important to a lot of us. these are just my personal headcanons, and if they don’t apply to you please don’t take it personally!! <3

i think he would really want a kind s/o. especially with what he’s been through, someone who’s gentle/patient would mean the world to him

also someone who likes animals!! they mean so much to him and were basically his entire life until he met the others, so having someone who shared that interest would make him so happy

z = zzz (what is a sleep habits of theirs?)

it’s not uncommon for him to sleep with his animals!! he mostly just sleeps with the devas though; he would probably place them near his head or on his chest so he wouldn’t accidentally roll on them.

he also really likes cuddling with his s/o when they sleep! he wouldn’t mind being the big or little spoon, either.

[rxn-awxy-wxth-me]

The Girl makes a request

Okay so I was meant to be writing a proper fic, but then I decided I hated it and wrote this instead! I was thinking about cacti in the zones and how The Girl would definitely get attached to them, then it kinda turned into this. Anyways, hope you enjoy :D

When The Girl approached Poison with her request, they were sat on a torn up booth seat with their legs propped up on the table, watching Jet steadily as he carved notches into the table opposite with a pocket knife.

Their attention was broken as she approached them and stood back a little from the booth, hands clasped tightly together as if trying to contain excitement or nerves, Poison wasn't sure which.

Catching her eye, they saw it was likely both. She seemed to be anticipating something, and clearly had something to ask them.

“Everythin' alright?” They asked evenly, prompting her to bounce on the balls of her feet and put her hands on the table.

“Can I give some water to the cactus out there?” The Girl pointed out of the diner window towards a rocky area next to the building, “S'just that it’s dyin’ and it looks really sad.”

Poison followed her gaze and looked out at the sandy rubble of what must once have been a wall. Small trees had attempted to grow there, but had become twisted and skeletal under the sun’s constant glare. Sure enough, there was a cactus there too, looking off-colour and distinctly sorry for itself.

They stared for a moment, before turning back to The Girl, ready with a firm but regretful No. The word died in their throat however, upon seeing her face.

Poison was always stringent with their supplies, especially water. The five of them could do without a lot of things, they knew, but if they ran out of water they'd be fucked. There was only so much they could carry around with them, and Poison knew it shouldn’t be wasted on anything that wasn’t their crew, even desperate-looking desert fauna.

Still, she was watching them with such a pleading look in her dark eyes, a small hopeful smile on her face at the thought of helping this feeble looking cactus.

Surely half a bottle’s worth wouldn’t do any harm? They could drink a little less themself to make up for it, Poison reasoned.

“I reckon,” They said, sitting up and swinging their legs back down onto the floor, “you can have half a bottle, but don’t go askin’ for no more, alright?” They raised their eyebrows in a mock warning.

The Girl smiled, nodding her head vigorously. She turned to go, but paused and looked back shyly.

“Will you come help me?” She asked.

Poison was silent for a moment, regarding her. It had taken The Girl the longest to trust them out of everyone, probably because they were often, as Ghoul so delicately put it, ‘a pissy motherfucker’. Besides, it’s not like they had ever really tried to properly engage with her, not like the others. She had kept her distance, and Poison was okay with that arrangement.

But now here she was, asking them to come help her.

“Sure thing” They replied.

It wasn’t like they had anything better to be doing, riding out the midday heat as they were.

The Girl grinned and started to lead the way towards the door. As Poison slid out of the booth and turned to follow her, they caught sight of Jet watching them, trying and failing not to smirk. They flipped him off, causing Jet to break into a grin.

Poison shook their head and continued on. Honestly, this is what they got for being nice?

The back of the Trans Am contained a small mountain of junk, supplies, and other random things the five of them had picked up. It was hard to protect your shit in the zones, and having so much useless stuff to dig through to get to anything of value was as good security as anything. Not that it had been intentional. Poison and The Girl dug through it all carefully, hunting for their stash of water.

“Here!” The Girl attempted to pull out the largest water container, which was thankfully still about three quarters full.

“Hmm, not that one,” Poison dug around next to it, “a bottle'll be easier... hah!” They held one up triumphantly.

“Okay,” They turned to the girl and handed her the bottle, “Now we can get this fucker watered, yeah?”

She nodded excitedly and they walked side by side towards the cactus stood in the dust by the diner’s dirty windows.

“D’you think waterin' it will mean it'll be better next time were here?” The Girl asked, glancing up at Poison.

Seeing the plant up close, Poison saw that when The Girl had said it was dying, she really meant it. Usually cacti like that would be a healthy green colour, but this one was so shrivelled that all they could see was it’s spikes. It was dull, sad looking, and definitely on death’s door. In fact, Poison wouldn’t be surprised if it was dead already, certainly wasn’t going to last much longer.

They weren't about to spoil it for The Girl though.

“S’hard to say, but it'd better not go dyin' on us after this.” They gave the cactus a glare, which made The Girl laugh. The sound surprised Poison, high-pitched and delighted, ringing like little bells. They hadn’t heard it very often, and they had never been the cause of it before.

It was then, as she knelt in the sand and poured half a bottle of their precious water around the base of the cactus, that they realised they were enjoying spending time with The Girl. She seemed to want their company too, it’s not like the others weren’t free to come help her, but she had asked them. Poison wasn’t sure how that made them feel.

The Girl capped the now half empty bottle, and stood up, “I’m gonna name it."

There was a long pause.

“Uhh, you thought of anythin’?” Poison prompted.

The Girl sighed, “Ain't very good at thinkin’ of names.”

They smiled to themself at the truth of that, she still had yet to decide on her own name. “What about... Spiky?”

“No."

“Spike?”

“No!”

“C'mon!” Poison waved their hands in exasperation, “What about Prickles?”

The Girl tilted her head in consideration, then nodded, “I like Prickles."

“Shiny."

And that was that. Poison was about to tell her they should go put the bottle away when they heard a familiar voice behind them. “I never thought I’d get to say this, but Poison? You're goin’ soft."

They spun around and there was Kobra, arms crossed, with a teasing grin on his face.

“Won’t look so soft if y’say that again, asshole," Poison threatened, though there was no force behind their words.

“Whatever you say, Pois,” Kobra said lightly. He looked at The Girl mischievously, and she beamed at him.

“Look, if I wanna water a cactus with the kid here, then that's what I’ll do,” Poison gestured towards The Girl standing beside them, then grinned themself, “and y'can’t say shit ‘bout bein’ soft, Kobes."

“Yeah yeah."

By the time they next came to crash at the diner, Poison had all but forgotten about the cactus. They had gotten there late into the night after driving for hours, and the darkness had obscured most of the surroundings from view.

And so it was morning when they were woken unceremoniously by The Girl. She was patting them on the shoulder, whispering urgently, “Y'have to come see!”

Poison would have been worried were it not for the elation in her voice. Quietly they groaned, “can’t it wait?”

“Pleeease?”

“Okay fine, but this'd better be good.”

So for the second time, The Girl led Poison out to the scrubby area where the cactus was growing. As soon as they saw what she wanted to show them, they remembered letting The Girl water it.

Where before it had seemed old and hunched, it now looked a little healthier. They could see green on its main body, and to Poison’s eyes it stood prouder, arms reaching up toward the morning pink of the sky.

“You were right, Prickles is better!” said The Girl.

Poison could hardly believe it. They had been sure the thing was going to wilt to nothing, but sure enough, here it was. Maybe all it had needed was that little helping hand, or maybe the Witch had taken pity on it. Either way, it had managed to stay alive.

“I just said it better not die," Poison corrected, “Maybe it heard me?”

“Mmm," hummed The Girl, fiddling with the zip of her jacket and watching the cactus in front of them, “Can we give it more water?”

“I think it’s doin’ okay on its own now kiddo,” Poison nudged her gently, “We gotta keep that water for us."

“But It’s a survivor, like we are, we gotta help it out.”

“Why?”

“’Cause then it might help us out when we need it."

Poison started to laugh, “What, a cactus?”

The Girl poked them and gave them her best glare, brow furrowed, “No! The desert."

As silly and fantastical as the notion was, Poison found themself liking the idea that the desert might look after them, if they looked after it. They liked it enough to agree to let The Girl water the cactus again anyway.

How did she keep managing to coax them into letting her do it?

They cared about her, and they wanted to see her happy,  that was why. So much of her life was filled with running and surviving and looking over her shoulder. She deserved to have some fun, to be a kid, to look after some random cactus in zone 5 if she wanted.

So they dug out some more water, and she watered it. Half a bottle, no more, no less.

The other three weren’t worried in the slightest about the misuse of water, it was Poison’s job to make sure they had enough, after all. They did enjoy calling them out about it though.

“Poison, lettin' The Girl water a cactus again? You feelin’ alright?” Ghoul was watching Poison from the passenger seat with an over-exaggerated look of surprised concern on his face.

They were cruising down some unnamed road, having left the diner a couple miles back. Poison could smell the sun-baked asphalt beneath them, and their hands felt warm on the hot steering wheel despite the fingerless gloves they wore.

“It was half a bottle Ghoul, it’s not like we were waterin’ every plant in the fuckin’ zone." Poison glanced at Ghoul, “why're you so surprised anyway?”

Ghoul scoffed and slapped a hand over his mouth. Glancing in the rear-view, Poison could see Jet and Kobra exchanging an amused glance over The Girl's head.

“S'just... not like you to use supplies when you don’t absolutely have to," Jet answered after a moment.

“Someone’s gotta make sure our food for the next week doesn’t get eaten in a day," Poison huffed, “lookin’ at you Kobra.”

“That was one time!” Kobra exclaimed, hitting his hand on the window ledge in indignation.

“S'gonna be worth it though, isn’t it?” The Girl piped up, “when Prickles is all healthy again?”

“’Course it is, it’ll be the tallest cactus in this desert," Poison declared.

Ghoul twisted in his seat to face The Girl, “Thanks to you our diner’s gonna look even fuckin’ cooler than before!” Her face lit up in pride as they bumped fists.

“Since when has it looked cool?” Jet teased, smile dancing across his features.

Ghoul shrugged, “Since we been usin' it ‘course.”

Poison was now only half listening to the conversation, thinking about what Mad Gear record they were going to ask Ghoul to put on.

“Just can’t believe you let her do it," Ghoul was saying to them, grinning, “but good for you Poison, you oughta have some fun."

“Who says I don’t have fun?” Poison asked under their breath, watching the road ahead.

Still, they were all happy giving water to the little desert plant was making The Girl happy. So after that second time Poison and The Girl did so, it simply became routine.

Each time they stopped off at the diner, to pick something up, or lay low for a while, Poison and The Girl would go check on ‘Prickles’. Every time they did, the cactus looked healthier. It started to grow too, which brought discussion of just how tall they could get it to grow.

“Tall as the diner?” The Girl asked one time, looking between the cactus and their hideout, trying to picture it that high.

“That'd be one tall-ass cactus, I don’t think they can get that big,” Poison said. “Though,” they reasoned, tilting their head, “it’s done the impossible before."

Although Poison would never admit it, The Girl wasn't the only one who had grown attached to the unlikely survivor. They found themself hoping it would be okay next time they saw it, not just for The Girl, but for the fucking cactus itself. Poison felt glad The Girl had saved it. It had lived, and was thriving, because of her kindness.

The cactus never did grow as tall as the diner, but it did grow to a good height. Poison had to admit Ghoul was right, the whole place did look somehow better with the cactus there. Or maybe Poison just associated it with The Girl and all the silly, and later heartfelt, conversations they had around it.

Every time they got caught in a sandstorm and survived unscathed, or realised they had ran out of water just as the heavens opened, Poison would remember The Girl’s words about the desert looking after those who look after it. They were never sure they believed it, but they were never quite sure they didn’t either.

Regardless, The Girl had helped them realise something. It felt good to maintain life in a desert that was so often having life taken from it. Not only in defiance of BL/ind, but because the desert was their home.

And maybe, just maybe, the desert would decide to repay their favour when they needed it most.