#prose: danny graham.

[sacrialege]

a starter for a plotted thing, ♥

danny knows he’s a fucking asshole for getting angry about it, but the images in his head of another man's hands against roxi’s body sits so wrong with him. he knows it shouldn’t—they aren’t together anymore, they’re coparenting; something she’s reminded him of a million times. he knows the deal, but seeing her all dressed up like this so happy to go off to another man… it got under his skin—so danny doesn’t care if he’s being an asshole. if only he could tell her what he really wants to say…

“i don’t want him around vera, roxi, i don’t want him near the house when she’s here,” danny grinds out, choked up by all the misplaced anger bubbling up in his throat. “i don’t know what you had planned, but i’ll take her tonight.”

@lucentsin

[sacrialege]

"fine, fine," danny agrees after several moments of smug hovering, smirk never leaving his lips. he shrugs and raises his hands, palm up with the fingers wiggling—a peace offering, for now. danny eyes trail from her hair to her shoes, like he's sizing her up, and then he steps back. "i don't know anything about anything, darlin'," he promises, sarcasm dripping from his voice. by all accounts he's carefree about the situation, but he had fought his grandfather over it; he had better things to do with his time than babysit feisty women. not that he didn't like feisty women, but… well, this was his grandfather asking. when it came to crime, danny preferred to stay out of it, but he could only say no so many times before it became a family issue.

a chuckle tumbles roughly from danny's lips as he walks to the front of the bed—her bed, now—and stops there, turning to face her, "all right, so, since you want a choice—i'm supposed to help you… get acquainted, you know." he gestures dramatically around the room. "since you don't want to get acquainted with me—" another chuckle briefly interrupts him, "then how about a tour?" the place wasn't a mansion, but it was luxurious enough. there were office spaces and a small library that doubled as a study. you couldn't get lost in it, but it could keep them busy for a while, until danny figured out what to do with her; or more accurately, figured out how to keep the lioness caged—because there's no way she was a fucking bird. something tells danny he's going to have a rough time in for him.

@fablelike

a fury is lit within ruby,  her crimson-coloured lips set in a tight line and chest rising and falling heavily as she forced herself to breathe to calm down,  sparked by the fact that he would dare to laugh at her so easily as he does.   her demand,  whilst she knows was utterly spoilt of her and brave considering the situation,  was serious nonetheless.   a talent she had learnt from her mother;   how people could be trained like vicious dogs,  if you commanded them well enough…   but this was clearly his grounds,  not hers.   she held no control here,  not like the calasso matriarch did back in their penthouse.

her gaze brushes over him as he steps closer and looms over her,  instinctually,  and she notes the gun in its holster,  saving that information for now.   ruby might be reckless,  an unsmotherable fire,  but fucking stupid she is not.   grabbing for that gun now would likely result in getting one of them shot,  and either way would secure her death.   so she makes no move for it,  though she certainly knows how to use it,  but just swallows the fact of its existence and plans accordingly…   sort of. she's always been more of an act-first type of woman, but this new scenario would force her to think. a queen within a new game of chess.

“  don’t,  ”     she warns sharply though his hands find her waist anyway,  and she meets his stare with a soft,  involuntary inhale.   hating the feeling of no control,  but literally captivated by him.   her own hands slam with a shove against his chest with a frustrated noise,  lashing out again and again like a brat.   she might even claw his eyes out. ruby wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want to  —  and especially not something he’s suggesting with that fucking smirk on his face.     “  don't call me darling, you don’t ever talk about my father,  and you definitely don’t get to tell me what to do—  ”     no,  lorenzo’s precious grandson might be her keeper for now,  but that didn’t mean she would be a perfect prisoner.     “  —do you understand?  ”

[myfandomrambles]

C-PTSD & BPD Doctor

(Doctor Character Study part 3D.1)

An analysis of The Doctor as having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) along with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). If you read my ADHD & Autistic doctor posts you will notice some symptoms overlap mostly with impulsivity. I chose to put C-PTSD and BPD as one post because symptom overlap is strong, and the disorders are highly comorbid

[Thirteenth Doctor will be in 3 parts due to length. Find the whole thing on AO3]

13th Doctor 1.

The Thirteenth Doctor is an interesting presentation of the C-BPD The Doctor has as she is both written and viewed to be very disconnected from the previous Doctor’s traumas, leading people to only see her dealing with trauma after she lost Gallifrey again and that the only trauma affecting her is The Timeless Child realisation. I posit that she always had trauma responses before TV: Spyfall pt 2. Her traumatic content in her body is held in the line of anxiety, hypervigilance, difficulty regulating emotions and being fully closed off about her history and emotions during her early stories. Trauma also comes out increasingly as a fight response later in her run, there are threads throughout her whole time making her very fascinating and complex.

Her agitation, agitation anger, hypervigilance, uncovering of past trauma and social difficulties and more are worth going through and analysing. 

A place to start with some of the basic triggers The Doctor experiences and trauma responses. Commonly a fight response. These incidents do not only happen in ways that are not as extreme or disconnected from the situation she is in. (TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Resolution, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Fugitive of The Judoon, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, TV: Eve of The Daleks, Prose: The Good Doctor, Comic: New Beginning, & Comic: Old friends )

An interesting early reaction of agitation we see her venting her frustration of being “too nice”, a response that screams strongly of a trauma response due to the struggle of being stuck in a situation that she had specifically warned Yaz against. This petulant comment highly references a fight response. (TV: Demons of The Punjab)

Of course, some of her strongest triggers have to do with facing her old enemies who have caused her a lot of pain. In TV: Resolution we see how she deals with her first Dalek in this regeneration. Starting when she first identifies the Dalek and going forward she is in a state of hypervigilance and a very strong fight response. 

“Doctor:...Let's see what we've got. No. It can't be.

Yasmin: Doctor? I don't like it when you go quiet.

Doctor: This is the DNA of the most dangerous creature in the universe.

Graham: Does it have a name?

Doctor: A Dalek.”

&

“Doctor: I'm going to find that creature.

Yasmin: You can't do that on your own.

Doctor: Always have done. Me and a Dalek, it's personal. Go on, get her safe.”

When faced with Cybermen she has a strong fear response that comes out in both fight and flight response and the need to protect her friends. The fresh loss of Bill to the cybermen along with other past people he’s seen become Cybermen, like Danny [this is an example even if he was dead to start with, the indignity in death still strains The Doctor’s emotions.] 

We can see this in TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati: 

“Doctor: One Cyberman, but then thousands. Humans like all of you changed into empty, soulless shells. No feeling, no control, no way back. I will not lose anyone else to that. Do not follow me.”

And continued into TV: Ascension of The Cybermen

"Doctor: I know.

Yasmin: They destroyed everything we brought with us.

Doctor: I know.

Ryan: We haven't got anything else to defend ourselves or them.

Doctor: I know! Listen to me. Do not argue. Go with the humans. Help them. Get them out of here. You won't make it back to the Tardis alive. Make sure you're with them.

Ryan: What about you?

Doctor: I'll hold them off.

Graham: How are you going to do that?

Doctor: This isn't a discussion.

Yasmin: We're not just gonna leave you.

Doctor: Yes, you are. You have to, all of you. No questions. Get out. I've been so reckless with you.

Yasmin: What are you talking about?

Doctor: You're human. If they capture you, they'll convert you. I'll find you. Get safe now!"

This interaction showcases a lot of the exhaustion and anger being triggered into remembering her worst memories, along with the reasonable fear of the situation and responsibility for her friends. 

Emotional lability presents with The Doctor; depressive, hyper, excitment anxious, frustration, and hostility. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: Kerblam!, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Resolution, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, & Comic: New Beginning) A reference to this is mood issues is  in TV: Orphan 55

“Ryan: I'm up for a free holiday. Where is it?

Graham: A place called Tranquillity.

Yasmin: Me too. So long as there's plenty of sun and absolutely no deep-space squid. Might get you out of your mardy mood.

Doctor: My mood's fine.

Ryan: That's you told.”

I will break down these emotions throughout the rest of this analysis. 

She deals with a lot of anxiety (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: Rosa, TV: Arachnids in The UK, TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: Demons of The Punjab, TV: Resolution, TV: Spyfall pt1/pt2, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Nikola Tesla's night of terror, TV: Praxeus, TV: Eve of The Daleks, TV: Power of The Doctor, Prose: Combat Magicks, Comic: Hidden Human History & Comic: Alternating Current). 

The Doctor tends to show her stress in a way that looks like what we view as anxiety. She’s not afraid of being viewed as anxious by her companions. It makes perfect sense she would be anxious due to her current past situations. Her specific expressions come through clearly and I think this is to some extent something that she views as acceptable to experience possibly because it doesn’t give much away. The Doctor is also relatively aware of her anxiety an example can be seen in TV: It Takes You Away:

“The Doctor: All right, no need to panic.

Yasmin: I wasn't panicking.

The Doctor: I know, I was talking to myself. Cos all this is very wrong.”

A way we can see the anxiety come through is that she talks a lot when under stress, both in the way The Doctor does to stall for time when thinking of a plan but also when there is no automatically viewable stressor. (TV: Ghost Monument, TV: Rosa, TV: Kerblam!, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: The Witchfinders, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: The Vanquishers, TV: Eve of The Daleks, TV: Legend of The Sea Devils, Prose: Molten Heart, Prose: Combat Magicks, & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13)

An example is in TV: Arachnids In The UK we see the habit coming up during social interactions separate from fighting or other dangerous situations:

“Doctor: Look at your views. Never had a flat. I should get one, I'd be good in a flat. I could get a sofa. Imagine me with a sofa, like my own sofa, I could get a purple one and sit on it. Am I being weird?

Ryan: A little bit, yeah.

Doctor: I'm trying to do small talk. I thought I was doing quite well.

Yasmin: Needs work.

Doctor: Maybe I'm nervous. Or just socially awkward. I'm still figuring myself out. You really like junk. Are you collecting it, like stamps?”

Hypervigilance related to anxiety is something Thirteen experiences. Here hypervigilance is related to more paranoid thinking, seeing a threat coming up and carrying stress and alertness in the body. This concept can explain some of where her stress symptoms are rooted in. Her life experiences keep her head on a swivel so to speak. It’s useful for her life and it only worsens as time in her regeneration passes. (TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: The Witchfinders, TV: Resolution, TV: Spy Fall pt2, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Fugitive of The Judoon, TV: Can You Hear Me, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Once, Upon Time, Prose: The Good Doctor, Prose: The Good Doctor, Prose: Molten Heart & Comic: Alternating Currents)

We can see her reference the way she views safety in Comic: New Beginnings, linked to how her hypervigilance functions in her life. 

“Doctor: It's very rare to find true safety and certainty in the universe...”

Another moment we see The Doctor discuss her view on how they interact with safety can be seen in TV: Once, Upon Time:

“Doctor: I spend my life walking into new places and weighing things up fast. Who's who? Who has the power? Who's in danger? How fast danger is coming. Also, how likely my friends are to die. I've got good at figuring all of that out at speed.”

The Doctor even voices how she experiences hypervigilance in TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati:

“Lone Cyberman: You appear courageous, but your vital signs betray a heightened state of anxiety.

Doctor: Or as I like to call it, Tuesday.”

A related symptom of hypervigilance and anxiety is agitation. She shows that she is on edge and sitting at a proverbial level eight in stress. This expression of stress becomes stronger as time passes and with the experiences with the destruction of Gallifrey, The Timeless Child & Flux. ( TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: Resolution, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: Fugitive of The Judon, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, V: Once, Upon Time, & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13) 

In Prose: Combat Magics we see this reference when it describes that The Doctor is “prowling like a caged cat”.

Not having access to a full range of internal regulations can create conflict with other people. 

We see when her anxiety is raised due to being separated from her TARDIS and being injured she becomes agitated and acts abrasive towards people trying to be helpful. She keeps talking and disrupting the ship in a conversation with the medical Doctor which could damage other people in TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum:

“Doctor: What were you worried about? Just as I was waking up, you... you saw something and you were worried.

Astos: No.

Doctor: Ooo, bad liar. Must be difficult in your job.

Astos: Hey, I'm an excellent liar.

Doctor: So you were lying, then.

Astos: I didn't say that.

Doctor: See? Bad liar.

....

Astos: Enough, now. You can't be in here. I don't know what that device is, but if you don't leave, I have to restrain you

...

Astos: Don't! If you interfere with the navi-systems, they'll take it as an act of hostility or hijack. They can detonate the craft.

Doctor: I'm not being hostile!

ASstos: Yes, you are. You're being hostile and selfish. There are patients on board who need to get to Resus One as a matter of urgency. My job is to keep all of you safe. You're stopping me from doing that.

Doctor: You're right. Of course, you're right.”

Another example of this can be seen in TV: Orphan 55 in her conversation after she has had to deal with a threat to her friend. 

“Hyph3n: Guests aren't permitted in the... linen cupboard.

Doctor: How about Pan-galactic Standards and Practices Officer? Health and Safety? Security and Hygiene? Resort Inspector. Now, are you and your excellent tail going to let me have a look, or am I going to have to bark at you? Cos I will.

...

Doctor: Oh, yeah. Of course. Deadlocked room with its own armoury. Don't tell me. Honeymoon suite.

Kane: Hyph3n, what the hell are you doing? Who's this?

(She turns The Doctor around.)

Doctor: I'm The Doctor, and you, madam, are far too handsy.”

As we can see in these examples her agitation can come out as being abrasive with other people and it can cause problems when communicating with other people. (TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Once, Upon Time, Prose: Combat Magicks, Prose: The Secret in Vault 13, & Comic: Hidden Human History) We know she wants to communicate to some extent and will take in some of what others say but it’s still clearly a difficulty she has. 

In TV: Fugitive of The Judoon we have an example of this. 

“Doctor: She said she was my past, but I know my past, and she's never been me.

Graham O’Brien: I'm sure there's a simple explanation.

Doctor: Time is swirling around me. The Master, Captain Jack Harkness, Ruth. Something's coming for me. I can feel it.

Ryan: Let it come. You've got us.

Doctor: Ryan, I've lived for thousands of years. So long I've lost count. I've had so many faces. How long have you been here? You don't know me. Not even a little bit.

Yasmin: Don't talk to him like that.”

They say nice things after this moment, and Thirteen appears to appreciate what they are saying. The TARDIS sides with them as well, and they quickly get into their next adventure and we see it takes a lot of time for them to fully communicate. 

Thirteen’s trauma causes her to tend to have a proverbial film between her and her companions, or ‘fam’ as Thirteen refers to them. This version of The Doctor very rarely lets them into her history and her inner world. We see her care about her companions in series Eleven at the same time they know very little about her. She will let them in on her nerves, and she asks for reassurance from them. But they don’t know the why behind any of it, and even the emotions she does share very rarely go deep. She oscillates between wanting them to close because she cares for them, and holding herself behind a wall. ( TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Resolution, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, & TV: Revolution of The Daleks)

This is very pronounced in the way it takes till TV: Spyfall Pt. 2 for her to tell them even the basics like her home planet, age or regeneration. 

“Graham: They're right. Five planets, you've barely said a word.

Doctor: I'm fine.

Graham: Why don't you ever share anything with us?

Doctor: I share stuff.

Graham: Not about yourself, though.

Ryan: Yeah, you know everything about us.

Yasmin: And we know nothing about you.

Doctor: Fine. What do you want to know?

Graham: Who are you, Doc? I mean, really.

Doctor: I was born on a planet called Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm a Time Lord. I can regenerate my body. I stole this Tardis and I ran away. I've been travelling ever since. The Master was one of my oldest friends. We went very different ways. Questions?”

In TV: Resolution we see another nod towards this wall she keeps with her companions. 

“Doctor: Ryan's Dad.

Yasmin: It's complicated.

Doctor: Yeah. Dads are, so I've heard.“

This shows a bit of how the wall works, she is a father in multiple ways over time and has Susan who is her granddaughter. Past Doctors have mentioned they were fathers, even if they tend to never go into much of it. Twelve says “Dad skills”. (TV: Listen) Ten tells Donna about his children whom he lost in TV: The Doctor’s Daughter. Not only does she not tell any of them about having children she explicitly says that she’s only heard about it. While a small moment compared to others it’s still an example of her tendency to isolate her heart from her friends. 

This can also be seen as the line of purposeful self-isolation. Just not sharing but pushing other people away. (TV: Orphan 55, TV: Fugitive of The Judon, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Eve of The Daleks)

A humorous reference is made towards The Doctor’s broken communication style in TV: Orphan 55. 

“Doctor: Oh. Come on. This is not the way to resolve a family dispute. How about good old-fashioned passive-aggressive discussion?”

While a joke it shows the cynical mind state The Doctor is in this episode, and also is honest for this Doctor. She doesn’t spend a lot of energy on her communication. 

In instances where she is fighting a bad guy, she can come across as less anxious when she is 1-on-1 with an enemy than in other situations. (TV: Rosa, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: The Vanquishers, TV: Eve of The Daleks, TV: Power of The Doctor & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13). During TV: It Takes You Away The Doctor shows a lot of anxiety when only with friends or with other people but shows more competence when talking to the Solitract. 

This Doctor also struggles with impulse control. (TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: Kerblam!, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Resolution, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: Eve of The Daleks & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13) 

She can become very wreckless at times, her impulse control putting herself and/or others in danger.  This behaviour is seen right away during TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth. We see The Doctor be willing to jump distances, wanting to turn on sirens, taking Ryan Sinclair’s phone and reworking it before even thinking to ask. In TV: The Witchfinders we see her dive headfirst into the water to save someone, while the right thing to do, it shows a degree of acting without fully considering possible consequences. 

The behaviour can veer into recklessness. We can see this starting all the way back in her first episode in TV: The Woman Who Fell To Earth she starts her life jumping distances she can’t fully judge as someone who has a new body. During TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, she acts dangerously by taking the Cyberium in and then giving it over to The Lone Cyberma,/Ashad. 

Thirteen deals with a lot of anger (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: Rosa, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: War of the Sontarans, TV: once, Upon Time, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Survivors of The Flux, Prose: Combat Magicks, & Prose: Molten Heart)  Which gets worse after the destruction of Gallifrey and the retraumatization.

In TV: The Timeless Children we see a lot of a fight response coming out as anger. Starting with her interactions with The Master before the reveal. While commenting on The Master’s problems and his anger you can see and feel how she is angry and intentionally getting The Master worked up with her prodding. 

“Master: ... All gone now. Come on, ask me why I did this.

Doctor: Why did you do this?

Master: Not telling you. (laughs) Oh, crack a smile.

Doctor: Proud of yourself?

Master: Definitely.

Doctor: All this death finally made you happy?

Master: Ecstatic.

Doctor: And has it calmed all the rage?

Master: I don't think anything will ever do that. We're going to take a tour through the Capitol. Or its ruins, at least. Things I need to show you. And, er, I know you're worried about your friends. Plotting how to get away. I can see it in your eyes. But you can't help them, so don't even think about it”

Her reaction when faced with the memories of her abuse later in this episode causes a strong fight trauma response. She physically attacks The Master in an explosive outward response of anger. We know when The Doctor uses anything physical with her own body it is actions like Venusian Aikido that act as a quick disabling move versus these more unplanned and violent actions. It makes sense that this moment would push her over the edge, but it’s interesting to mark as we move forward. 

In TV: Revolution of The Daleks The Doctor tells Ryan about her anger after the events of her loss of Galifrey, people dying, the Timeless Children revelations and the interactions with The Master.

“Ryan: And The Master? What did he want with you?

Doctor: It doesn't even matter now.

Ryan: No, no, no. Don't give me that. Right? I see what you're doing. You're trying to avoid the subject. We've known each other long enough now. I know when something's changed.

Doctor: Me too. I'm not who I thought I was, Ryan. What I always knew to be the story of my life... isn't true. I wasn't born on Gallifrey. Where I'm from, all the lives I've lived, some of that has been hidden from me, and I don't even know how much.

Ryan: Seriously? And how do you feel about that?

Doctor: Mostly... angry. While I was locked away, all I kept thinking was, if I'm not who I thought I was, then who am I?

Ryan: You're The Doctor. Same as before, same as always.

Doctor: Right. Same Doctor, same Ryan. Nothing's changed.

Ryan: No. No. I didn't say that, did I? Things change all the time, and they should, cos they have to..."

This is an interesting conversation as it reveals the emotional state of The Doctor and how this emotional instability forces her to be willing to sacrifice a TARDIS, something we know has consciousness. Her fight response is very clear here, breaking through her common engaged and anxious headspace. 

Her anger and frustration can also come out cold, especially when dealing with people she doesn’t like. It heavily connects to a jaded sense of dealing with other people, she tries to be positive but there is anger and bitterness that highly impact her and can form an interesting dichotomy with her love and enjoyment. (TV: The Woman Who Fell To Earth, TV: Arachnids In The UK, TV: The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos, TV: Resolution, TV: Spyfall pt1/pt2, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Fugitive of The Judoon, TV: The Timeless Children, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, & Prose: The Good Doctor)

In TV: Rosa we see this ability to have her anger come across as cold, this allows her to stay in charge of a situation while still expressing her anger outwards to people she doesn’t trust or does not need/don’t deserve her to empathise with them like in TV: Rosa.

“Doctor: ...So, temporal displacement weapon. Horrible things. Can't stand them.

Krasko: Thank you.

Doctor: Not a compliment. Takes a lot of power to displace things in Time. I think you and I both know your weapon's pretty much out of juice. And I've got your spare battery. You've been leaving traces of residual Artron energy all over 1955.

Krasko: And what are you, the Artron Police? Maybe you are. The blue box in the alley. Is it a Tardis?

Doctor: Might be. What's it to you?

Krasko: Well, it could be worth a lot.

Doctor: Nah, not that one. Second hand, huge mileage, one careless owner. Mind you, it's better than a Vortex Manipulator, like the one on your wrist. Cheap and nasty time travel.

Doctor: So, what do you want with Rosa Parks?

Krasko: Who?

Doctor: Oh, now you're being annoying.

Krasko: The feeling's mutual.

Doctor: How long have you been here?

Krasko: Get out of Montgomery.

Doctor: You're not the first to say that to us.

Krasko: If I see any of you again, I will kill you.

Doctor: Don't threaten me.”

Her agitation, anxiety and hypervigilance can leave her in a very restless state. (TV: The Woman Who Fell To Earth, TV: Arachnids in The UK, TV: Kerblam!, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Spyfall pt1/pt2, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: Praxeus, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, Prose: The Secret in Vault 13, Comic: New Beginnings, & Comic: Alternating Current)

The Doctor shows a strong need to be in control of situations, when she isn’t able to have a handle on the situation it increases the above-mentioned stress symptoms. She also uses her cold anger to maintain her control. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: Arachnids In The UK, TV: Kerblam!, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: Praxeus, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Survivors of The Flux, Prose: Combat Magicks, Prose: The Good Doctor, & Comic: Hidden Human History)

The above quote from TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum after the loss of her TARDIS also shows the need The Doctor has to control the staff of the ship as well as putting her needs above the others when in a distressed state. In TV: The Witchfinder we see how being perceived as female puts her in a space where she is seen as having to automatically be less powerful, she consistently pushes back, and while warranted the way she goes about it matches other times she tries to maintain control. 

In TV: Fugitive Of The Judoon we have the way she tries to control the situation when the Fugitive!Doctor is trying to handle things. Thirteen can’t help but try to be the one who is manipulating events. 

“Fugitive!Doctor: She's nobody.

Doctor: Fine. I'm nobody. Absolutely nobody. See, I know why you want her. You've got a contract, fair enough. But you? You want her dead because she left her job?

Fugitive!Doctor: Shut up.

Gat: Is that what she told you? This goes way higher than me.

Doctor: So, who would that be? Who are you all ultimately working for? I'd really like to know. Really.

Judoon: Information confidential.

Fugitive!Doctor: I told you to keep quiet.

Doctor And look where that's gotten us. Lots of guns in lots of faces.

Fugitive!Doctor: And have you got a better idea?

Doctor: I do, actually. My favourite. The curveball and the Judoon. You wanted to find The Doctor?

Fugitive!Doctor: Don't you dare.

Doctor: Well, here I am.

Fugitive!Doctor: Will you be quiet?

Doctor: Go on, scan me.

Judoon 2: Fugitive match positive. Fugitive match positive.

Fugitive!Doctor: Is there even a word for how dumb you are?

Doctor: Doctor?”

In TV: War of the Sontarans we see how The Doctor challenges the power structure out on the field of battle, knowing she is the best option for survival, as well as having a dislike for those in charge. The people she is around don’t trust her to handle what she can because of her perceived gender and her wanting to avoid violence on the soldiers. 

A way this control is sometimes maintained is through having a bravado of how she interacts with other people. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: The Witchfinders, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Survivors of The Flux & Prose: Combat Magicks)

This can play into overconfidence like when she goes to face the Dalek in TV: The Eve of The Daleks getting her and her friends exterminated. This shows again in TV: Power of The Doctor when she takes time to gloat towards The Master and ends up getting shot and regenerating. 

In TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati we have an interesting comment on the power and control in her relationships and how it isn’t always something The Doctor wants but has become what they feel they have to do:

“Doctor: ... The world you came from, the world you were created in won't exist, so neither will you. It's not just his life at stake. It's yours. You want to sacrifice yourself for this? You want me to sacrifice you? You want to call it? Do it now. All of you. Yeah. Cos sometimes this team structure isn't flat. It's mountainous, with me at the summit in the stratosphere, alone, left to choose. Save the poet, save the universe. Watch people burn now or tomorrow. Sometimes, even I can't win.”

This line means The Doctor doesn’t like control, but shows that control has become compulsive and built into how they function on a base level. 

While Thirteen doesn’t talk about her past regenerations or the ideal of The Doctor it’s still a huge part of her schema. ‘The Doctor is an ideal can be seen in this Doctor even if she talks about it less than the previous regenerations. But her struggles with identity are still very visible before and after the Timeless Child. 

She seems somewhat afraid of who she is. As discussed above she kept a film between her and her companions which makes it easier for her to not have to fully face it. Some of this seems to stem from her introduction to this regeneration being born from the suicidal space Twelve lived in. As well as she has lost many companions in ways where they are cut off and the perceived betrayal of Missy. As well as her first adventure ending with Grace dying. Forming the idea of who she is while she is still 'fizzing'. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth)

Her strong identity issues spiral out of control after the loss of Gallifrey and then the Timeless Child. (TV: Arachnids In The UK, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: The Timeless Children, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Once, Upon Time, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Survivors of The Flux & TV: The Vanquishers) 

In TV: Resolution we see The Doctor discuss her identity in terms of her long and horrible relationship with the Daleks. 

“Doctor: I learned how to think like a Dalek a long time ago.”

&

“Doctor: Oh, mate. I'm The Doctor. Ring any bells?”

She doesn't seem happy about her being able to understand Daleks, understandably she dislikes weapons and hides a lot of the violence-related trauma she has. Trying to integrate all of history is extremely hard for Thirteen who deeply wants to be a good and hopeful person. But in the second line when no one is looking at her she experiences glee in scaring the Dalek. She owns her name/title very strongly to get one up on the Dalek, but it hurts to do so when she would have to do more than threaten an enemy. 

Another key part of This Doctor’s characterization is a consistent need to present herself as hopeful and nice, moralising for herself and others,  and her history of connection to violence. She wants to consistently try and give people hope, even if her ability to feel it herself might be affected due to the stressful mindset her C-PTSD puts her in during the early part of her run and becomes stronger as time goes on.

Right off the bat in TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth we get a very prototypical Doctor quote while she is getting in touch with who is going to be. 

“Doctor: We're all capable of the most incredible change. We can evolve while still staying true to who we are.”

&

“Doctor: There's one thing I'm certain of. When people need help, I never refuse.”

A moment of trying to give others hope that is deeply genuine even with the grief overlaying it was in TV: Demons of The Punjab. During the wedding scene, she wants to believe and wants to be kind. And it was kind. She understands war, grief, and the loss of those closest to you. These are the moments when the silly old-time traveller is truly The Doctor. 

“Doctor: I know there aren't many certainties in any of our lives, but Umbreen, Prem, what I see you in you is the certainty you have in each other. Something I believe in my faith. Love, in all its forms, is the most powerful weapon we have, because love is a form of hope and, like hope, love abides in the face of everything. You both found love with each other. You believed in it, you fought for it, and you waited for it. And now, you're committing to it. Which makes you, right now, the two strongest people on this 

planet. Maybe in this universe.”

A similar situation happens in TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum where The Doctor invokes hope in a way that is both being kind as well using the idea as an identity support. 

“Doctor: Thank you, Mabli. I'll be sure to tell them how brilliant you were.”

Mabil: You all were. Light in dark times.

Doctor: People prevail. Hope prevails.

During TV: The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos we see her again invoke hope in a way that is slightly less meaningful and comes across as nicer than it does kind. It is part of a pattern she’s created for herself. 

“Doctor: None of us know for sure what's out there. That's why we keep looking. Keep your faith. Travel hopefully. The universe will surprise you... constantly”

This functions as a pillar of their identity, needing to be a positive person to embody “laugh hard, run fast, be kind.’ Part of her need for control, and having a tendency towards black-and-white thinking.

[astraea802]

IFD2021 Recs Pt 2/2

More Hidden Gems, this time for smaller works in larger fandoms.

Voltron

Static Starboy (Oneshot): Summer camp au with elemental powers! Shiro-centric and just so sweet and wholesome. Includes some nice fanart at the end too! Under 500 hits.

The Colour of Magic (Oneshot): AU where the paladins can see quintessence, even before Voltron. Includes some Shiro and Keith platonic bonding.

Also, Altean Pidge and Druid Shiro could use more love, I enjoy those plots quite a bit.

Big Hero 6

The Rubber Band Theory (12 chapters/32,624 words) (Complete, first in a series): Sort of a psychic/superpower AU where Hiro and Tadashi discover powers after Hiro saves Tadashi from the explosion. Compared to some similar fics of this type, I don't see as much hype for this one, and it's a lot of fun!

To the Fairies He Draws Near (8 chapters/ 34,097 words) (Complete): Fredashi modern with magic au where Fred discovers fairy Tadashi in the park. It's pretty fluffy and has some fun ideas for fantasy version of the characters. And Callahan doesn't go villain for once, which is always nice. Under 500 hits.

Miscellaneous

Bad Boys: Rockin' All Over the World (Doctor Who) (Multichapter, in progress): Graham and Ryan meet former companions of the Doctor and try to protect the earth in their own way. I just love the idea so much, especially Graham meeting our two other space grandpas (Wilfred Mott and Brian Williams), I want to see more fics in this vein!

just be friends on the way (Harry Potter) (Oneshot): Albus and Minerva friendship! Albus comforting Minerva after her childhood love got married! Albus talking about Grindelwald! Really highlights what good friends those two must have been, working together all those years.

Where There's Smoke (Sanders Sides)(Multichapter, in progress): I've been enjoying this Virgil/Logan modern with magic AU so far. They're very sweet and bushy with each other while respecting each others' boundaries, and Logan is hiding some secret magic dabbling, which I'm interested to learn the backstory for. Updates fairly regularly, which is always a plus. Only has under 1000 hits.

A Thousand Lifetimes (MCU/Captain America) (Oneshot): Steggy fantasy AU with some reincarnation and wingfic. Under 500 hits.

Faster Than a Telephone Booth (The Flash TV)(Oneshot): I actually found this fic through last year's IFD, and it's *still* underappreciated (under 500 hits). The dialogue is just so funny, and the original Team Flash friendship is so nice. My favorite bit: “You know what this means?” “You’re Danny Phantom,” Barry said. Cisco snapped his fingers and pointed at him. “I was gonna say a magical girl, but that’s even better.”

I also want to give a shoutout to poisonquiver, whose written some cool aus for a number of different fandoms, including Stranger Things and Avatar, that act as really interesting character studies, even in altered circumstances. Very nice prose, too!

Click for part 1: https://astraea802.tumblr.com/post/643170636388302848/ifd-2021-recs-pt-12

[revelation19]

So I don’t think I mentioned it on here, but last year I undertook the challenge to read 100 books in a year. I figured I’d drop the list of books that I read here. Almost all of them were good books that I’d encourage you to read. It’s a pretty wide range of topics. Some Sci-Fi, some Fantasy, some History, some Politics, some Economics, some Philosophy, some Theology, etc. 

-Starship Troopers — Robert Heinlein

-Foundation — Isaac Asimov

-Herman Bavinck on Preaching and Preachers— James Eglinton

-Foundation and Empire — Isaac Asimov

-Second Foundation — Isaac Asimov

-Left, Right, & the Prospects for Liberty — Murray N. Rothbard

-Democracy: The God That Failed — Hans Herman Hoppe

-The Forever War — Joe Halderman

-Forever Free — Joe Halderman

-Wolverine, Volume 3: Wolverine’s Revenge — Jason Aaron

-Slaughterhouse-Five — Kurt Vonnegut

-A Separate War — Joe Halderman

-Foundation’s Edge — Isaac Asimov

-The Prince — Niccolò Machiavelli

-Nemesis — Isaac Asimov

-Citizen of the Galaxy — Robert Heinlein

-Hatching Twitter: A True Sotry of Money, Power, Friendship, and Betrayal — Nick Bilton

-Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep — Phillip K. Dick

-The Religious Life of Theological Students — B.B. Warfield

-Out of the Silent Planet — C.S. Lewis

-The Great Divorce — C.S. Lewis

-Behold a Pale Horse — William Milton Cooper

-Confessions of an Economic Hitman — John Perkins

-The Abolition of Man — C.S. Lewis

-Geerhardus Vos: Reformed Biblical Theologian , Confessional Presbyterian — Danny Olinger

-Foundation and Earth — Isaac Asimov

-Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God — Jonathan Edwards

-A River in Darkness: One Man’s Escape from North Korea — Masaji Ishikawa

-Annihilation — Jeff Vandermeer

-Authority — Jeff Vandermeer

-Acceptance — Jeff Vandermeer

-Commentary on 1 Corinthians — John Calvin

-Education, Christianity, and the State — J. Gresham Machen

-Machinery of Freedom: Guide to Radical Capitalism — David Friedman

-The Federal Reserve Conspiracy — Anthony Sutton

-A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy — Miyamoto Musashi

-Apology — Plato

-Odd and the Frost Giants — Neil Gaiman

-The Universe in a Nutshell — Stephen Hawking

-Prelude to Foundation — Isaac Asimov

-Dear Reader: The Unauthorized Autobiography of Kim Jong Il — Michael Malice

-America before: The Key to Earth’s Lost Civilization — Graham Hancock

-The New Right: A Journey to the Fringe of American Politics — Michael Malice

-The Enchiridion — Epictetus

-The Punisher MAX, Vol 1: In the Beginning — Garth Ennis

-The Machieavellians: Defenders of Freedom — James Burnham

-End the Fed — Ron Paul

-Serenity: Those Left Behind — Joss Whedon

-Ego and Hubris: The Michael Malice Story — Harvey Pekar

-The Art of War — Sun Tzu

-A Renegade History of the United States — Thaddeus Russell

-The Prose Edda — Snorri Sturluson

-My Hero Academia, #1 — Kohei Horikoshi

-My Hero Academia, #2 — Kohei Horikoshi

-Tokyo Ghoul, Tome 1 — Sui Ishida

-Selections from the Table Talk of Martin Luther — Martin Luther

-Animal Farm — George Orwell

-Pointiac: The Life and Legacy of the Famous Native American Chief — Charles River Editors

-Operation Paperclip: The Secret Intelligence Project that Brought Nazi Scientists to America — Annie Jacobsen

-Neuromancer — William Gibson

-The Last Wish — Andrzej Sapkowski

-Sword of Destiny — Andrzej Sapkowski

-Better Days and Other Stories — Joss Whedon

-The Stranger — Albert Camus

-Christianity and Liberalism — J. Gresham Machen

-Count Zero — William Gibson

-Blood of Elves — Andrzej Sapkowski

-Tokyo Ghoul 2 — Sui Ishida

-The World That Couldn’t Be — Clifford Simak

-The Austrian Theory of the Trade Cycle and Other Essays — Richard Ebeling

-Anarchy — Errico Malatesta

-Anarchism and Other Essays — Emma Goldman

-No Treason: The Constitution of No Authority — Lysander Spooner

-Propaganda and Control of the Public Mind — Noam Chomsky

-The Time of Contempt — Andrzej Sapkowski

-The Communist Manifesto — Karl Marx

-Mona Lisa Overdrive — William Gibson

-The Metamorphosis — Franz Kafka

-The Enchiridion on Faith, Hope, and Love — Augustine

-The Structure of Scientific Revolutions — Thomas Kuhn

-The Dunwich Horror — H.P. Lovecraft

-The Machine Stops — E.M. Forster

-Rip Van Winkle — Washington Irving

-The Screwtape Letters — C.S. Lewis

-Self-Reliance — Ralph Waldo Emmerson

-Perspectives on Pentecost — Richard B. Gaffin Jr.

-Wanted: 7 Fearless Engineers! — Orlin Tremaine

-Norse Mythology — Neil Gaiman

-The Whole Armor of God: How Christ’s Victory Strengthens Us for Spiritual Warfare — Iain Duguid

-Bushcraft 101: A Field Guide to the Art of Wilderness Survival — Dave Canterbury

-God With Us: Divine Condescension and the Attributes of God — K. Scott Oliphint

-Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West — Cormac McCarthy

-Why I Believe in God — Cornelius Van Til

-Paul at Athens — Cornelius Van Til

-Astrphysics for People in a Hurry — Neil DeGrasse Tyson

-Real Dissent: A Libertarian Sets Fire to the Index Card of Allowable Opinion — Thomas E. Woods Jr.

-City of Glass — Paul Auster

-The Articles of Confederation — Continental Congress

-The Temptation of Our Lord — John Bale

-Fool’s Errand: Time to End the War in Afghanistan — Scott Horton

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 1 of 26

Title: The Devil and the Deep: Horror Stories of the Sea (2018)

Author: Various (edited by Ellen Datlow)

Genre/Tags: Short Story Anthology, Horror (Various), Female Protagonist(s), LGBT Protagonist(s). 

Rating: 7/10 (note: this is an average of all the stories)

Date Began: 1/1/2020

Date Finished: 1/6/2020

I don’t usually read short story collections. But since I kicked off 2020 with a trip outside the US, I wanted something that could easily be picked up and read in short bursts. So I dove into a short story anthology @mistressofmuses gave me for Christmas. Since I was staying on the coast, this seemed like an appropriate choice. 

This anthology is a collection of 15 original horror stories by different authors, each somehow associated with the sea. Like any anthology, they were pretty hit or miss, but there were some I really enjoyed. Honorable mentions (scoring 8/10 or higher): 

Fodder’s Jig by Lee Thomas (9/10) 

The Whalers Song by Ray Cluley (9/10) 

A Ship of the South Wind by Bradley Denton (8/10) 

Broken Record by Stephen Graham Jones (8/10) 

A Moment Before Breaking by A. C. Wise (9/10) 

Sister, Dearest Sister, Let Me Show To You The Sea by Seanan McGuire (10/10) 

He Sings of Salt and Wormwood by Brian Hodge (10/10)

For a brief summary of all the stories and impression of each, see below the cut. These are in the order they appear and contain minor/implied spoilers.

1. Deadwater by Simon Bestwick - 4/10

Summary: A man living in a coastal tourist town is found dead by the shore. When her cop boyfriend rules it a suicide, the man's best friend Emily investigates the death on her own.

Thoughts: This one was very predictable. I'd figured out the "twist" and exactly how it would end by the half way point. It wasn’t super exciting and the writing just wasn't engaging for me. I did appreciate the occasional thematic callback and the whole thing about broken people needing to stick together, but there wasn’t enough of that in the actual story to sell me on it. 

2. Fodder’s Jig by Lee Thomas - 9/10 

Summary: Two men in their 60s fall in love with each other and try to form a life together. However, amid one’s rough divorce, a bizarre disease emerges that causes people to dance wildly and speak in tongues after exposure to the ocean. When one of the two men begins to exhibit symptoms of the disease, everything changes. Thoughts: Well done, creepy cosmic horror, and the ending was phenomenal. I loved that it was about two old gay dudes trying to find happiness late in life, struggling with manipulative family issues, and how all of it seamlessly blended with the horror. The prose was great too, and the zinger when you fully understand the title is... an experience. I thought it was interesting that the flashback scenes were in present tense and the current scenes were in past tense, but it sort of makes sense with the themes of the story.  

3. The Curious Allure of the Sea by Christopher Golden - 7/10 

Summary: A woman's father is lost at sea. To honor his memory, she tattoos herself with a strange symbol found in his abandoned boat. However, afterward, sea creatures and people alike find themselves drawn to her. Thoughts: It was moderately creepy. The part where Jenny burns off the tattoo (spoilers) was viscerally horrifying. Beyond that, it didn't stick out a whole lot. Sort of like a “wouldn’t that be fucked up?” Twilight Zone episode. 

4. The Tryal Attract by Terry Dowling - 5/10 

Summary:  After a conversation with his neighbor, a man agrees to spend several nights in the neighbor's house to commune with a talking human skull which he has recurring dreams about. 

Thoughts: The prose was good enough, but the actual horror element was sort of like one of those creepypastas that’s just unintentionally funny. It felt very Scooby Doo and I don’t think that was the intent. 

5. The Whalers Song by Ray Cluley - 9/10 

Summary: When a Norwegian whaling ship sinks after a catch, the small crew manages to escape. On shore, however, the eerie artifacts they find of old whaling ships are more than they bargained for.

Thoughts: Way way way eerie, and the prose was great; very stilted yet beautiful. There was an underlying theme of the past and present, which Cluley explores in multiple ways. It has a slow start but it pays off. One of the more haunting ones in the collection. 

6. A Ship of the South Wind by Bradley Denton - 8/10 

Summary: Three years after the Civil War, two Native Americans -- a boy named Charley and his uncle JoJim -- are accosted by a group of travelers in the plains of Kansas. They find that help comes from an unexpected source-- an eccentric, quasi-supernatural figure named Captain Thomas, whom JoJim met decades ago.

Thoughts: Honestly, setting a sea-themed horror story entirely in Kansas was a power move, but I think it worked. Did a great job building and maintaining tension. I loved the small details, like keeping the villains as "Red-beard" and "Black-beard" even after we learn their real names to keep things nautical. It's kind of like if No Country for Old Men crossed over with a pretty good episode of Goosebumps with some pseudo steampunk elements.

7. What My Mother Left Me by Alyssa Wong - 6/10 

Summary:  Following the death of her mother and breakup with her abusive boyfriend, Emma and her new girlfriend visit her mom's old beach house to collect her things. However, things get weird when they discover partially decomposed, yet still living fish along the shore.

Thoughts: I’m torn on this one. The writing was really good, but it felt like the story couldn’t decide between being a straight-up slasher flick or a deep, heartfelt exploration of family and surviving domestic abuse. I really felt like it needed to be longer, as both elements felt underdeveloped. 

8. Broken Record by Stephen Graham Jones - 8/10 

Summary: A man is trapped on a deserted island.

Thoughts:  I do not want to spoil the "twist" of this one but it's good and a fun scenario to imagine. Toed the line between humor and horror well.  

9. Saudade by Steve Rasnic Tem - 5/10 

Summary: A man agrees to go on a senior singles cruise at the behest of his daughters, but feels awkward and out of place. He is drawn to a bizarre woman who occasionally appears and causes something strange and unsettling to happen.

Thoughts: The writing is good, but Tem spends the bulk of the story focusing on protagonist Lee wandering a cruise ship and being sad about it. I loved the ending and its callback to an earlier, seemingly unrelated scene, but beyond that I feel there’s way more you can do with the inherent horror of a cruise ship. 

10. A Moment Before Breaking by A. C. Wise - 9/10 

Summary: While a little girl and her mother are immigrating to the United States, the ship they are on suddenly sinks. The girl is captured by cultists who perform a strange ritual, binding her to a creature called the prince of the sea.

Thoughts: I really dug this one-- it's just so weird. I loved how the narrative treated the shared body between Ana and the prince, and that we get to see Ana in various stages of her life. The prose was gorgeous. Definitely one of my favorites in the collection.

11. Sister, Dearest Sister, Let Me Show To You The Sea by Seanan McGuire - 10/10 

Summary: When her little sister drowns her in the tide pools by their Washington home, a teenage girl makes a deal with an eel-like entity of the sea to get her revenge. Thoughts: "Holy fucking shit" was pretty much all I could say when I finished this one. Visceral body horror at its finest, and I'm always a sucker for revenge. The prose was beautiful and horrid in the best way. I'm a big fan of the author already but this exceeded my expectations.

12. The Deep Sea Swell by John Langan - 3/10 

Summary: A couple is traveling by ship. One of the two, Susan, recalls a few supernatural stories their mutual friend Giorgio told them before she has her own supernatural encounter.

Thoughts: I found myself begging the author to press the enter key on his keyboard a few times. Beyond that, this was the first story that actually challenged my suspension of disbelief with what happens and how it relates to the main character. I didn't find the horror element very scary at all. There were some cool visuals but that's about all I got out of it. 

13. He Sings of Salt and Wormwood by Brian Hodge - 10/10 

Summary: During a deep sea diving exercise, a competitive surfer comes across an old, sunken yacht. He is horrified by the strange worm-like creatures devouring the wood. However, when he returns home to his wife, they begin to find strange, humanoid carvings every day on the Oregon coast. Thoughts: GOD was this good. Superb voice and writing, very creepy, and everything comes together so well in the ending. I felt an emotional connection to the love and longing between Danny and Gail, which is always hard to accomplish in a short story. Just a stellar read.

14. Shit Happens by Michael Marshall Smith - 3/10 

Summary: A higher-up from a tech conglomerate attends a company conference aboard a converted boat-hotel, but things go south when guests start to experience acute gastrointestinal distress. Thoughts: This gets like 3 points for making me genuinely laugh a few times and -7 points for everything else.

15. Haunt by Siobhan Carroll - 6/10 

Summary: In 1799, a cargo ship is troubled by a ghost ship on their trail. When the passengers and crew are stranded in the middle of the ocean, the dark pasts of the crew slowly come to light. Thoughts: The writing was good, the author clearly knows her shit, and I can admire what she is going for. However, the whole thing was just a bit too brutal and graphic for me, especially knowing that some of the things described were based on real events. I guess that was probably the point based on her author’s note, but I can’t recommend this as an entertaining read. 

[tkmedia]

Ten kneejerk reactions to the opening Premier League weekend

The Premier League’s opening weekend lends itself to the hottest takes, such as Southampton’s relegation and a breakout Paul Pogba season. 10) Trevoh Chalobah will be England’s next debutant It is a Crooksism but the tendency to highlight the virtues of a defensive player only when they score is unavoidable and pervasive. Trevoh Chalobah might have broken through that barrier and received due praise regardless but his debut goal against Crystal Palace, combined with the perennial focus on Chelsea’s talent production line, guaranteed glowing column inches and gushing pundit prose. The 22-year-old will not retain a regular starting place beyond the next fortnight or so; Thiago Silva promptly reprises that role upon his return. But Thomas Tuchel has been sufficiently satisfied with Chalobah’s seamless adaptation to this stage and so his foot is in the door. It is only a matter of time before Gareth Southgate revisits interest in a player he called upon to train with the England squad ahead of the 2018 World Cup. The only defenders to make their Three Lions debut since November 2019 are Conor Coady, Reece James, Ben White and Ben Godfrey. There is room for a fresh addition, even as flavour of the month. 9) Brighton will finish in the top half For a moment there it seemed as though Brighton supporters should actually have been careful what they wished for. The safety net provided by Chris Hughton was cast aside for something greater, more meaningful and conducive to growth in 2019. But the transition was not seamless. You can throw a small net over the club’s four Premier League seasons: finishes of 15th, 17th, 15th and 16th, points totals of 40, 36, 41 and 41 and goals scored columns of 34, 35, 39 and 40. Hughton and replacement Graham Potter have opposing tactical ideals but whether the focus was on defence or a more expansive style, Brighton never seemed to move the needle too far. They have won nine games in each of their four Premier League seasons, infuriatingly incapable of breaking through that ceiling. It has been enough to survive each time but the onus is on progression and a comeback win against Burnley is indicative of that. Brighton won one game from behind in the entirety of last campaign: that euphoric first match back in front of fans against Manchester City in May. But this victory was inspired by the manager’s substitutions and the players’ indomitable spirit instead of any fan emotion. Two points separated the Seagulls from Burnley in 2021/22; the gap felt more substantial on Saturday. While their respective levels of investment mean that should be a given, it has rarely been the case in practice. Brighton have valuable players throughout their spine and even the lack of a reliable goalscorer should not prevent them from finally cracking a top half that, beyond an established six or seven teams, has an interchangeable cast. Since 2016, Stoke Burnley, Newcastle, Sheffield United, Wolves and Leeds have all come tenth or higher. There is no guarantee of being able to build from there but Brighton have the foundations in place for something tangible. 8) Burnley and Southampton will be relegated The numbers are rough estimates but they tell a story that can be spun in two different ways. Either Burnley and Southampton have mastered the art of shopping for own-brand items and living on a stricter diet than most, or theirs is the sort of inherent tightrope gamble that many clubs accept to live within their means. Four current Premier League clubs have a net spend of £50m or lower over the past five seasons; the Clarets and Saints have been top-flight sides throughout that period, unlike Brentford and Watford. It already feels as though Burnley and Southampton might have struggled to strike that balance this season. The former have infused the squad with as little fresh talent as possible in recent years. Jay Rodriguez was the latest signing in the starting XI that fell to Brighton; he joined in July 2019. Sean Dyche otherwise named four players he bought in 2017, three purchases from 2016, an addition each from June 2015 and January 2012 and academy graduate Dwight McNeil. ALK Capital do not seem to have opened any recruitment doors. That is still an upgrade on the apparent asset-stripping occurring on the coast as Southampton have sold their top scorer and best centre-half in the same summer that they lost one of their most senior players. Danny Ings, Jannik Vestergaard and Ryan Bertrand will be difficult to replace and Ralph Hasenhuttl was already working close to the edge in terms of depth at times last season. He and Dyche are talented coaches but those tides will be tough to fight without a paddle.

7) Brentford and Watford will be fine Norwich understandably struggled to carry their share of a historic weight as the three promoted clubs almost all won their opening Premier League fixture for the first time. The Canaries might justifiably point to the standard of respective opposition as to why they could not quite emulate the feats of Brentford or Watford, who both displayed their top-flight credentials in different but similarly stinging circumstances. The Bees were phenomenal against Arsenal – organised, fluid and uninhibited by their relative lack of experience. The Hornets stunned a supposed European hopeful in Aston Villa, overwhelming their visitors and possessing the sort of individual brilliance that can be harnessed to immense danger in the right team dynamic. The chasm between the Championship and Premier League can be bridged with patience, foresight and investment, especially if the top flight already contains a few sides clinging on to that status through reputation and longevity alone instead of proper planning and vision. Brentford particular seem more suited to this level; Watford have plenty more capacity to surprise. 6) Everton will qualify for Europe Many clubs, if not most, had more impactful and outwardly impressive transfer windows. Few were quite as focused, specific and tailored to the existing strengths of the squad in question. Rafael Benitez had a budget imposed upon him through the mismanagement and financial excess of his predecessors. He identified an area for improvement and acted on it within the constraints placed upon him. Andros Townsend and Demarai Gray were cost-efficient purchases for rivals to scoff at and some Everton supporters to lobby against, but it is always better to spend £1.7m on necessary signings who have an obvious place rather than much more on luxury buys who do not. The results were immediate. Southampton were put to the sword and the cross as Goodison Park witnessed an aerial bombardment designed to exploit the new Dominic Calvert-Lewin meta. Richarlison should excel by his side and Alex Iwobi even embraced the challenge, while Allan and Abdoulaye Doucoure will compete with most midfields and the defence is solid enough even without Benitez’s more conservative and pragmatic stylings offering a little more protection. He feels a more natural fit with these players, if not the supporters just yet. 5) Liverpool don’t need more signings It will never be accepted. Standing still is moving backwards, particularly when the only two clubs definitively expected to do better have either broken the British transfer record or have edged remarkably close to the new mark. Manchester City will keep trying to unite Harry Kane with Jack Grealish and Chelsea should be forgiven for relishing the arrival of Romelu Lukaku. Liverpool have instead quenched the never-ending thirst for signings – and reacted to a recent defensive injury crisis – with £36m fourth-choice centre-half Ibrahima Konate. Every other advance has been to write out a spate of new contracts for the existing squad. That will never appease sections of the fanbase or a media built on transfer rumours but it makes sense in this context. If Liverpool can avoid such a freakish cluster of concurrent injuries then there is no issue in the squad that requires an imported solution: the starting defence is sensational and every position has at least one solid back-up; Georginio Wijnaldum is a significant loss but one outcome of Curtis Jones developing, Naby Keita emerging, Thiago acclimatising or Fabinho adjusting seems likely; Mo Salah can carry that attack with Harvey Elliott and Takumi Minamino as possible wildcards now Diogo Jota is fit enough to provide serious competition and variation. The collective mood and mentality seems genuinely more important to Jurgen Klopp and Liverpool than to most other managers and teams and it is worth trying to continue fostering that instead of risking friction with too many new faces in an established set-up.

4) Tottenham will finish in the top four Newcastle finished third when Andy Cole won the Golden Boot and set up the most goals in the 1993/94 season. Kevin Keegan was defending his sale to furious supporters on the steps of St James’ Park 18 months later. Harry Kane became the only other man to ever lead the division for goals and assists outright last campaign. Perhaps Daniel Levy will soon be inviting beleaguered fans to a newly-instated VIP cheese room to explain his reasoning for finally letting the club’s prize asset go. Beating Manchester City has not quelled talk of Kane’s departure. It has had rather the opposite effect. But lost in the renewed clamour to smuggle England’s captain to the Etihad was a professional, dedicated, organised performance from his teammates to overcome the Premier League champions in north London. Nuno Espirito Santo engineered victory with neither Cristian Romero nor Bryan Gil starting, the new coach instead dusting down a squad that had been marginalised and misused, finding treasure in another man’s trash: Japhet Tanganga, Davinson Sanchez, Eric Dier, Dele Alli, Lucas Moura and Steven Bergwijn were considered expendable yet each have a role to play in a quietly exciting future. Add Kane to that mix once the distractions are removed with the closure of the transfer window and Tottenham are suddenly a genuine force again, even without their actual best player. Erik Lamela is in a better place now. 3) Aston Villa and Jack Grealish will both be worse off This is not to say Aston Villa will be relegated and Jack Grealish will be a catastrophically bad signing for Manchester City. The one thing Dean Smith could not buy to replace his talisman was time and it will take plenty for a new attack to gel, for players to adjust to not giving the ball and the responsibility to their captain. And Pep Guardiola’s ideal and meticulous instructions cannot be absorbed after a few training sessions; Grealish will find his role in the team and calibrate, just as long as he absolutely does not become a two-time Premier League winner and Champions League finalist who regularly scores and assists. That would be awful. But the grass will be greener for neither. Villa handled the situation impeccably, putting a contractual escape route in place, insisting it be met instead of courting any sort of saga, signing numerous fine players to share the workload even before he left and clearly explaining each thought process to the fans. That does not change how vast a hole Grealish has left and how much it has irrevocably altered the entire team dynamic. Villa have reiterated that they were 18 months behind in terms of where they would have needed to be in their project to keep their crown jewel; this will set them back much further before they find the right track again. As for Manchester City, they signed a phenomenal player but not one they necessarily needed. He will do well enough – win trophies, score goals, win free-kicks – but offers only a brilliant variation to what they already had rather than a legitimate alternative. His honours list will benefit but his light will be that little bit dimmer. It’s not a bad personal trade-off, in fairness. 2) Paul Pogba will be named PFA Player of the Year He could have done more. The blame for five underwhelming and inconsistent seasons has to be apportioned appropriately and one of the bigger slices belongs to Paul Pogba himself. It has not been a question of attitude or application, rather an inability to bring the best out of less talented teammates. He lowered his own level more often than he raised that of those around him. Anyone expecting the Frenchman to single-handedly drag Manchester United to glory had misunderstood his career to that point – and some are still wilfully obtuse in that regard. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has built a platform and is happy for Pogba to stand upon it as long as he has him. Bruno Fernandes, Harry Maguire and Edinson Cavani improved the collective standard; Jadon Sancho and Raphael Varane will hope to do the same. A Pogba unencumbered with that weight of individual expectation is free to express and enjoy himself. “Manchester United need one outstanding season from Paul Pogba because he’s going to leave next summer,” was Gary Neville’s belief and whether the midfielder extends his deal at Old Trafford or not, he finally has the sort of worthy team he was promised in 2016. One year of his French national team alter ego is better than nothing at all. 1) Mikel Arteta will be the first manager to go The process is a whole lot harder to trust when a newly promoted team with vastly inexperienced players and a manager in only his second senior role seems so much further ahead in theirs. What Brentford lack in history, prestige, transfer fees and wages, they made up for in a performance that thoroughly and painfully explored Arsenal’s limitations. It was not about the bounce of supporters being back, the novelty of top-flight football or the brightness of those Friday night lights. Brentford beat Arsenal because they were better in preparation and execution. That run of form from Boxing Day onwards spared Mikel Arteta. Only the Manchester clubs earned more Premier League points from December 26 to the end of the season and a five-game winning streak to close the campaign was the longest the Gunners had managed since October 2018. It offered an illusion of progress that has been almost immediately undermined as soon as the pressure was back. There is a lack of confidence on the pitch and seemingly an absence of clarity off it. Chelsea and Manchester City await before the international break and it could genuinely be worth changing tack then if things have not significantly improved. Arteta might not be the problem but he certainly does not appear to have the solution.

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[210mph]

@fablelike said: ❛ get the hell away from me. ❜ ruby ❤

danny's immediate reaction is laughter; like her protest was the funniest fucking thing he's ever heard. in a way, it is, because in danny's mind, threats only work when you have the upper hand, and right now she has none. to be fair, he doesn't either, not in the big picture; after all, he'd been assigned babysitting duty by his grandfather without having much of a choice—but he's got more than she does and he won't hesitate to remind her of that.

if danny was a better man, he might've stepped away from her—but he isn't, so he doesn't. danny makes no move to leave her be, by all accounts wholly unaffected by her disregard for him, and it has very little to do with the gun at his hip. if anyone has an upper hand here, it was him and he knew it. she might've agreed to this, but there was no going back now.

danny's body hovers over hers, a bit too close to account for personal space, but where could she go? this was her room now. this was her home, and he was her fucking watcher.

"your father and my grandfather are making the rules here, darlin'." he's smirking as he reaches for her waist, and he doesn't mention that he thinks rules are meant to be broken. "since we're gonna be stuck together, y'know, you might as well learn to like me."