#proj: bitter ends

[writelikeitsyourlife]

7. Can I Go Where You Go? • An edit for an OC I’m most excited to work on this year.

LAUREN MARIÀ MARTINEZ (Original Novel)

[writelikeitsyourlife]

Teenager rebels against her parents

Writers!! Describe your current WIP(s) in the most boring way possible. I want to see this skdjfkdfhk

[starman-john-tracy]

48 for the feels!!! 😁

48. “I don’t want to be alone.” [from this ask meme]

“Oh Alan.” John’s voice comes across the line so such much softer than even he’d expected it to. There’s a ghost of a blue hand hovering just above his brother’s hair and a thin, tightness to John’s lips that betrays his worry. “Hey, you’re not alone, I’m here, right?”

“No you’re not.” Alan, his little round face streaked with tears looks up at the floating blue hologram that is is big brother, eyebrows furrowed and cheeks flushed with angry red. “You’re 22,400 miles up in orbit.” The kid’s never sounded so bitter about that before, and the hurt that he does hits John like an electric shock, “You’re not here at all.” Alan goes on, “I just...” There’s a choked sounding sob, “I just want you to come home.”

“Hey, hey.” John's trying his best to mitigate some of that tight, awful despair in the kid’s voice, his transparent palms held up placatingly between them, well in full big-brother mode, but it’s akin to to stop a tsunami with his bare hands and John feel a little like he’s drowning in his brother’s despair. “I know things are quiet down there but...”

“It’s not fair.” Alan all but sobs, not caring for a second that he sounds like a petulant child. For once, he kind of wants to be all of ten years old again, perhaps perched in his brothers lap, looking up at the cosmos high above them together. “Don’t you care that it’s nearly Christmas?”

“Of course I do.” John protests, his mouth numb. There’s something tight and twisted in his chest that feels a lot like his heart breaking. “I’ll be home on the day, I promise, but, Alan, I thought you of all people would understand the time sensitive nature of the proj...”

“I don’t care about the project!” Alan’s blond head whips up, blue eyes storm-angry and his fingers balled into fists and John hologram recoils. “I don’t care about the stupid comet or the stupid scientific advancements or how stupidly important it all is!” His voice rises in pitch until he’s all loud and squeaky with upset. “I don’t care!”

Because John seems closer to the universe right now than he is to Alan. The distance between Thunderbird Five and distant galaxies feels, though unscientifically accurate, much smaller than the distance between John’s Space Station and little old Earth does. Alan wonders, bleakly, where their NASA trips and star gazing nights and the warm hands on shoulders have gone? When, exactly, they lost that sense of togetherness. Alan finds he can’t remember how John’s arms actually feel when he hugs him or what the solidity of his chest is like to lean back on and Alan is even uncertain what colors things like his brother’s eyes are, when they’re not distorted by a hologram. All the things you’re supposed to know about your brothers.

John takes a deep breath, visibly centering himself in the old, protective shell of professional big-brother patience that he’s developed over the years. He waits for Alan to burn himself out, trying to let the tantrum roll off him like water off a duck’s back, even though each accusation feels more akin to a stab in the chest.

John knows, logically, that the kid doesn’t actually mean it. He can pretend that that helps.

“Come on now,” His voice is warm and even and ready by the time Alan gives up. “You do care Allie.” John’s eyebrows have crinkled in together and he looks all sympathetic and soft and Alan hates it. He so badly wants the excuse to be angry at him, to take his feelings out on someone else whether that’s reasonable or not. He wants to get mad and yell and scream and cry until John gives in, but, when he’s being all kind like this Alan becomes aware of just how hot his face feels and of the way he can’t stop crying and, and... and now this stupid conversation is going very differently to how he’d planned it. “You’ve been excited about the comet and my research for weeks.” John is continuing on, still quiet and level and reasonable. “So what’s this really about?”

Stupid John being so stupid nice.

There’s a long, miserable pause, before Alan deflates visibly - the defensiveness draining from him like pulp through a strainer.

“I... I dunno.” He mumbles, embarrassment creeping in. Tiredly, Alan comes to the realization that it’s absolutely impossible to stay mad at John for long, especially when, really, it’s not his fault. “Scott’s still out at that conference for Tracy Enterprises.” The youngest Tracy curls into himself, smaller than John’s ever seen and twice and miserable. “Virgil’s with him. Kayo’s flying Gordon to a marine sanctuary in the stupid Galapagos. Grandma wants me to do homework but I just can’t focus on anything.” He looks up at his glowing, holographic brother, his face tear-streaked and thoroughly miserable as he realizes John is just listening to him, all quiet and patient and understanding.  “I... I feel like I’m letting you all down and it‘s just... I know it’s dumb,” Narrow shoulders rolls through a shrug, “but it feels like... like everyone just forgot about me.” Alan scrubs at his eyes with the heel of his palm. “I thought maybe I could get you to come home. You never do and... and I get that everyone’s real busy with important stuff!” He interrupts John’s protest before the spaceman has even finished opening his mouth. “I know it’s selfish, I -hic- I know that everyone’s busy and -hic- stuff and...”

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling lonely, Alan.” John says, though it’s so quiet that Alan almost misses it.

It puts a long, empty beat of silence between them.

“You don’t ever get lonely.” Alan narrows his eyes at the astronaut, almost in accusation. “You’re all like, no Alan, of course I don’t get lonely, I’ve got the whole world around me, go back to your lessons Alan.”

“I...” There’s an awkward pause as John blinks, like he’s trying to process something, anything, to say. “I... everyone gets lonely sometimes Alan.” It’s an admission, something small giving where it never has before and it has Alan’s mouth dropping open in surprise. There’s an awful, awkward moment where John just laughs nervously at it. “I... you’re definitely not alone in that, ok?” He tries to continue, fumbling for reassurance despite the fact it seems to be revealing something private and personal and vulnerable about himself that he’s just not comfortable with. “I mean... I’ve got all on you just the other end of a call and I’ve got Eos and any number of friends here in orbit that I could call but...”

“But there’s something different about about having you here in person.” Alan finishes for him, his lip bitten red but his shoulders soft and low as the empathy washes over him. As the feeling of being understood drains the fight from him.

There are many things Alan had expected when he hit the Comm button, but this wasn’t it.

“Alan, you’re my little brother.” John’s clearly uncomfortable, but very serious about all this. “I will drop everything right now if you need me down there.”

“I... n-no, it’s ok.” There’s a bit of a sniffle as Alan rub at his eyes, startled by the actual offer. “I... I do actually want to see the results of the comet project. I can’t drag you away from it just because I m-miss you.”

“Then how about you come up here?” John suggests, suddenly radiantly bright with the genius of his idea, “I’m sure Grandma won’t mind a bit of practical research for that homework of yours.”

“It’s geography.” Alan explains, with a bit of a wet laugh, though, startlingly he finds he feels miles better already. “I don’t know what a comet’s going to tell me about tectonic plates.”

“Comets can tell us a lot about the shifts of rock in our Earth.” John’s grinning at him now. “And if it can’t, I do happen to be able to provide the world’s view of the San Andreas Fault Line. Suit up,” He orders, “I’ll send you the space elevator.”

“T-Thanks John.” Alan’s already unfolding his legs and stumbling to his feet, awash with possibility, “I... I wasn’t expecting...”

“I know.” Because, somehow, John always does. “I’ll let Grandma know you’re on your way up.”

And if John gets a flying tackle hug as soon as the airlock cycles, well, then he just brought that on himself.

[theodore-themilkman]

4 Times Tony Realised That His Employees Were Amazing

In which Tony's employees help him out of rough spots and he comes to realise that he has some pretty amazing people working for him.

Ships: Pepperony.

WARNING: Language, crude suggestions, some hate speech towards Tony (I do not feel this way)

1.

"Amani, we're up in ten!" Pepper called. "Make up for Stark, quick!"

Amani, a young Lantina girl, nodded and pulled Tony to sit before her.

She moved to grab her makeup bag and turned to the billionaire. The sight of his tired face made her stop short.

"How long has it been since you slept?" She asked curiously.

"Doesn't matter," Tony grumbled. "I'll sleep when I've finished this conference."

"You have another conference directly after this one," Amani deadpanned.

Tony sighed. "Alright, I'll sleep after that one."

"No," the young woman said firmly.

"What?" Tony asked in confusion.

"You aren't going to any conferences today, you are going to sleep for the next 24 hours."

Tony shook his head. "Amanda -"

"Amani," she corrected.

"Amani, I can't just miss conferences," Tony denied. "They're important."

"If they're so important then they can be rescheduled, right now you are going to bed." It was said with such finality there was no room for argument, not that he could argue as she was ready storming out of the door.

Tony sat frozen as he listened to one of his employees demand that the press go home.

After ten minutes of what seemed to be sheer stubbornness from his make up artist Amani returned a satisfied smile on her face. When Tony returned to the tower he slept for a full 24 hours just as the young woman had instructed.

2.

"Sir, there is an employee at the door," FRIDAY announced to her creator.

Tony looked up from his project in confusion, his employees knew better than to bother him when he was working. Stepping away from his lab table Tony made his way to the door and raised his eyebrows when he saw the front desk secretary, Dean Simons his names was, standing there arms crossed.

Opening the door Tony looked at the man expectantly. "What can I help you with?"

"Mr Stark, you haven't left your lab in three days you better come out and have a meal before I call Miss Potts," Dean warned.

"With all due respect, how does this concern you?" Tony demanded.

"Miss Potts asked me to check up on you every time she was out of town and I intend to do as asked," Dean informed him head held high.

"Okay..." Tony trailed off awkwardly. "Well I'll come out once I've finished my proj-"

"No," the other man cut him off. "You are coming out right now to have the sandwich that I prepared for you and then you are going to go to bed."

Tony stared at him for a moment then saw the same fire of determination he often saw in his wife's eyes when she told him what to do and sighed. "Fine, but don't think that I'll forget you bossing me around like this."

And Tony didn't forget but instead of being bitter about it he thought of the delicious cheese and bacon sandwich he was prepared and smiled.

3.

"Tony Stark is nothing more than a sleazy drunk with money built on murder!" A man declared from within the restaurant.

The man had caught sight of the billionaire entering with his wife and had seemed to suddenly have had the urge to make his vile opinion heard.

Tony, who had been sitting in the VIP section enjoying a conversation with Pepper flinched the man's words, something that did not go amiss to a waitress that worked at the restaurant.

Brina stepped out of the VIP section and walked towards the very outspoken man that stood on a table.

"Sir, are you aware that you are in a public place?" She asked politely.

The man sneered at the waitress. "Freedom of speech, I can say what I want to."

Brina gave him a tight lipped smile. "Ah yes, but are you aware that hate speech is not tolerated especially in a building the man you are bad mouthing owns."

The man's face flushed in anger at the woman's words. "Fucking whore! I bet you suck his cock and that's the only reason you're defending him but let me tell you girly he's just going to move onto the next cock su-"

His words were never heard as Brina socked him in the face so hard that he passed out. She looked to the security guard standing there shell shocked and nodded, she straightened her uniform and walked back to Stark's table. He and his fiancee stared her with surprise.

"Can I take your order?" She asked.

4.

Tony made his way down to the floor that the bar was situated on, he held back tears from the article he had read. A drink, he needed a drink if he was going to deal with the bullshit he was being handed. Sure, he had been clean for nearly two years now but there was no other way to deal with it in his mind.

Approaching the bar counter Tony let out a sad sigh and made eye contact with Alexander, the bartender. Alexander immediately stopped what he was doing and gave Tony his full attention.

"Scotch on the rocks," Tony muttered.

"No."

Tony's head snapped up at Alexander's words. "What?"

"I said no, Mr Stark. I am not letting you relapse I refuse."

Tony's brown eyes met Alexander's green ones, allowing the bartender to see his boss's desperation. "Please, you don't understand."

"I understand perfectly Mr Stark, you wish to relapse and I won't let you. What I will allow, and frankly encourage is for you to tell me what is wrong," Alexander told the man.

Tony glared fiercely at the younger man but he held his ground and with that Tony broke, breaking into sobs Alexander gathered him into his arms.

"N-no one sees that I-I've changed, to the world I'm still the alcoholic p-playboy they remember and p-people are saying I will n-never live up to Captain America," Tony cried.

"They're right," Alexander murmured to his boss and Tony froze up, "you won't live up to Capatin America, you'll be your own hero surpassing that old fart by billions. You are a hero and not only when you're Iron Man, you're always understanding towards us and from what I've heard you're the best father figure that kid, Peter could ever ask for. Screw the world because they're just jealous."

Tony sniffed. "Really?"

"Mr Stark, if I were lying to you I would lose my job for false information trust me when I say that I speak the truth."

"O-okay."

Tony had never truly appreciated his employees until he had been faced with these situations and despite the hardship that each situation had brought Tony was glad that he could have faith in his family at Stark Industries.

-End-

[karazrel]

Lena's gonna be like: I see how it is, my ex-best friend and my ex making eyes at each other is just another betrayal down your checklist at Kara as soon as she sees that selfie. Then girl's gonna be so jealously bitter she gonna dig herself out of her hole and prove to them how much better she is by overthrowing Lex and it ends up proj nonsense was repurposed to become a trap for Lex. Finally get a throwback to S2/3/4 Lena who knew that if she was praised by her family it was Bad

this is the perfect wrap up for the storyline from hell and combines my three favourite lena traits: smart, gay, petty

[apromisetoyou]

Transgression minor

I went to peek at V's prl org structure. I feel guilty. Part of my intention is to see how AM is going to contribute to PRL's operations. And of course, another part is secretly hoping to find out if I will be hired. But my intention wasn't bad, I tried to copy the last slide because I wanted to use it as a reference to guide and design how pwds' proj evaluation could be carried out.

The bad part is that I didn't exercise self control and opened up something that wasn't privy to me. It was none of my business. But I went ahead to read it. Perhaps this also reflected signs of how I feel disengaged and how I am just trying to latch on to any information I can get my hands on to provide some form of direction for myself against my insecurity.

It's not true then that I am completely at peace for floating around in my own words, even though it doesn't disturb me as much as before. It also reminds me to be careful about tinkering with anything that is shared because V might know about it.

I think being in the public service means having to ask before I do anything. Permission is almost always required. And it's stifling for me at times too. But it's not a big deal, because it would make me more mindful of why I am asking for something. Is it important? More than importance, is it that I am feeling bored and disengaged? And of course, practices of respect. Even if I do not mean to cause disrespect, my action can be read as being disrespectful. I would have to be mindful about that.

Today is a lesson learnt and I should consider myself lucky that my transgression didn't result in any damage. I didn't regulate myself well and in future, I would have to learn to exhibit professionalism through my own code of ethics. Moving forward, I have to remember even if I am lost or not keeping up, I shouldn't see knowledge as a means to enable myself to feel better or more assured, especially knowledge that is sensitive and confidential.

Knowledge is an end in itself and I don't want to use it to divide and conquer or to make others feel bad about themselves. If I were to continue working in the civil service, my ethics would be rooted in faith and trust - in myself and my colleagues. That means boundary-making. So Hong Kai, let go of knowledge that is not shared with you - it is more important to acquire your own knowledge, stay grounded and don't allow your impulse to turn knowledge into instrumental purposes. That goes for people as well. Remember, learn to regard people as an end in themselves, no matter their personalities, if you want to see their goodness. And not let negative feelings of envy, unfairness, bitterness, jealousy incite and poison your own intentions and mind, which will then impact your own performance.

I am sorry for my behaviour today and I will make sure that I learn to ground myself better through the values that I want to embody. Trust, respect, relational boundary setting as well as faith.

In future, clarify my own intentions first before asking for something that is not being shared with me. If its due to my insecurity, then breathe and ground myself again - make a mental assessment: Am I fine right now where I am? What is my responsibility? If this is not going to be helpful, walk away. Remember it's not just anger you want to walk away from, it's also a sense of entitlement. No one owes you anything. What you lack you can always put in your own effort to become better through proper means.

*Honour who I am, before I can honour others.*

If there is a reason for not sharing sth with you, then it's probably best that you don't become trapped by your own desire. Go with the flow and stick to your values, principles and ethics which you will continue to develop over the course of your career. 一心不动。

*Seek nothing that does not belong to me. *

Having processed all these, now I need to be mindful that my remorse and my action does not make me a bad person. Processing them makes me more self-aware and is an impetus for me to continue learning about myself as well as believe in my intentions to work towards becoming a better person each day.

I still want to treasure myself as an act of self care and love, even as I reflect on my own transgression. You will continue to be challenged not just by others but also yourself so treat yourself kindly, much like what jianing is doing too. Empower yourself first.

[writelikeitsyourlife]

Daily Question: #001

Does your character hurt others often intentionally? If yes, how?

Lauren: She hurts people linguistically/emotionally when she feels diminished, raw, and insecure, which for her sensitive soul happens more and more the longer she puts off self care and therapy (she doesn’t believe she needs it). She will play off her intentional weaponising of words as dark humour. It comes out in the form of scathing sarcasm, and it always is propelled by a thick current of annoyance and aggravation. She’ll snap your head off if you trod on her. / She does dislike this part of her, but having grown up feeling alone most her life, it comes just as naturally as breathing. Despite her attempts to hold back this urge, she hasn’t overcome it yet. She isn’t close to, either.

[writelikeitsyourlife]

Surnames: Bitter Ends

Anusha HARJOT – sikh; meaning waheguru’s light Charlie XU – chinese; meaning slowly; pronounced hsu Damien BRIGGS – northern english; derived from old norse word brygga meaning “bridge” Josey HUY – vietnamese; meaning “successful” or “to promise” Lauren MARTINEZ – spanish; derived from the latin martinus whose root is Mars, the Roman god of war Rachael ROMERO – spanish; derived from latin word romaeus meaning “Roman”