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naughtyneganjdm · 1 month ago

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Threads of Desire: A Christmas to Remember - Chapter 2

Summary: Attempting to fill in for Maggie, Y/N joins Negan at her old school's event. After having one too many drinks, the barrier she had learned to put up for so long crumbles and her emotions run high.

Characters: Negan Smith, the reader (OC), Shane Walsh, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61111030/chapters/156141661

Warnings: Swearing, Depression, Angst, Pretty Intense Bickering, etc.

Notes: Since a few Maggie/Neggie fans got offended from the last chapter, if you haven't figured it out, this is not a Neggie fic. It's a reader fic, not a self insert. Self insert is where the author inserts themselves. Just a little moment of education there for you. If Maggie is your favorite character or Neggie (an ooc ship) is your favorite ship, this story is likely not for you. So if you read this story and get angry? That's on you. Not me. That's the last warning you are going to get.

Thanks to those that have read the story and commented, you are all the best! This is a longer chapter!

There were times where Y/N wished she could say no. Suddenly, this was all starting to feel very silly. When she agreed to doing this, she told herself that it was for Negan. It had been four years since she had graduated from college, so coming back after that long just felt strange. This was somewhere she never thought she would return. Yet, here she was. If this was something that she had been genuinely invited to, she may have not been feeling so ill at ease with doing this. Maggie was the person that was supposed to be here, not her. And Maggie would certainly be missed. Maggie was admired by many and people would be coming tonight likely just to see her. So that made things complicated. This was something that Y/N had to always do. Fix things for Maggie. Especially in Maggie’s relationship with Negan. So even though this was a favor for Negan, it felt more so like she was doing this for Maggie at the end of the day.

Since she really had no idea what she was supposed to do, Negan had set her up with a driver to bring her to the college. Considering she was a no one? She was used to traveling places on her own. So everything felt strange experiencing. These were the kind of things that people like Negan and Maggie were used to. Not so much when it came to her.

When she entered the building, she realized that not much had changed inside the walls since she had gone to school there. Then again, it was only four years. The hallways were heavily decorated with Christmas decorations which she assumed was only for this section of the school and this event. While they had decorated the outside of the school at the main entrance when she went here, they didn’t go all out on the inside. Then again, each classroom was a professor’s individual preference.

Even though this was an event that was being held at a college, there was no questioning that this was a very high-end event that was meant for donors. These were people that were here to help fund for certain departments at the college. Being here really made her feel out of place because there was no way that she would ever fit in with the people here.

Now the nervousness was starting to set in realizing why she was actually here and what she was doing to help. Negan was expecting her to make a speech in front of all these people. He wanted her to impress them so they would donate to the school. That was a lot of weight to put on her shoulders. With Maggie? All she’d likely have to do was show up, smile and people would donate. Maggie had that kind of effect on people and she knew that. Now taking into consideration that both Negan and the school were counting on her to help had her increasingly panicked.

This was all so last minute. Sure, she had created the speech and video to go along with things, but this was Maggie’s thing. Interacting with people. Not hers. If she fucked up tonight, this was on Maggie. Because Y/N hadn’t practiced or even prepared. There was no time for it. But then again? She knew that Maggie would never take credit for any failures that may have happened tonight.

God, she really shouldn’t have done this to herself with panicking. As of the last few months, she always felt like she was anxious and that growing tension inside of her body always got worse. And that really wasn’t good for her health.

Right now she should have just been focusing on getting the job done. Yes, this was an area of the school she didn’t know, but there was already so much that she had to worry about. She didn’t need to stress herself out more than she had already done.

Finally moving toward the crowd of people that started to arrive, she observed the area. Looking specifically for Negan. Since she wasn’t Maggie Greene, she needed Negan to be able to help her get into the event. Negan was her ticket in.

Taking some time to look around, she found that panic arising back again through her veins. When she arrived here in the car she had texted him to let him know. And he responded back so she expected to find him waiting for her. Stepping aside, she didn’t want to be in everyone’s way while she waited.

Being here made her think she stood out like a sore thumb. That people would realize that she was not meant to be there, but surprisingly most people didn’t even notice. It was like she fit in and that wasn’t something she was used to. Dressing like this took time and dedication. A lot of work went into what she was wearing along with her hair and makeup. The dress was something that she had bought a long time ago. At the time, it was too expensive for her, but she was smitten with it. So she had bought it. This was the first time she got to wear it.

Talking tonight was going to be interesting. Having the spotlight on her with all these people was either going to be nerve wrecking. Or feel good because she was used to being the invisible one. The talent without a face.

“You look lost and scared,” a raspy voice whispered, pressing in behind her. Just the sound had her heart rate quickening. An inevitable smile tugged at her lips when she felt a pair of hands pressing in over her shoulders. “Sorry I’m late, I had to run a few errands first. I was worried I wouldn’t find you, but fuck, you stand out in the crowd.”

“I hope that’s a good thing,” she finally turned on her heel, her eyes connecting with Negan’s. A surprised sound fell from her throat at the sight of Negan standing before her. In all of her time knowing Negan she had never seen him dressed up. Yet, here he was standing before her in a three piece suit. Everything about him was nicely groomed. His facial hair was trimmed and his dark hair was slicked back. She hated to admit it, but he looked good. Really good. “Wow.”

“I know, right?” Negan snorted, taking a step back to allow her to look him over. By his body language, he was uncomfortable but he was being over the top with the way he was showing her what he was wearing. “You wouldn’t normally catch me wearing a monkey suit like this fucking thing.”

“The school must have something juicy on you that they are holding over your head,” she teased him drawing his nose to wrinkle in amusement. Placing his hand in over his slender abdomen, Negan dragged his hand down over the lengths of what he was wearing before back up again. “You look great.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re supposed to,” Negan winked, his dimples sinking in and becoming more prominent as he spoke. “We’ve known each other a long time so you’re not about to tell me how much of a fool I look.”

“Oh yeah, because I’m certain when people look at you tonight they are going to be thinking what a fool that man is,” she agreed with him in a sarcastic tone eliciting another deep rumble of a laugh from him. “You’re just fishing for compliments. And you’ll get them from me. You look really nice tonight. You should wear those things more often.”

“No fucking way,” Negan refused, shaking his head repeatedly. Offering up a bright smile, he stepped forward in closer to her again. “Let me check your coat for you.”

Reaching out, he made her turn so he could help pull her jacket from her body unhurriedly. Once her jacket was off, she turned on her heel to face him. When he took a look at her, she noticed the way his eyebrows bounced up. There was something in the way that he looked at her that took her breath away. His eyes lowered to gaze over the lengths of her body to look at what she was wearing.

“Wow…” Negan clicked his tongue at the top of his mouth humming in appreciation of what he saw. “You look…”

Negan paused again to step forward, grabbing her hand with his urging her to spin around so he could take a look at her. Now that just felt cheesy. But she allowed him to do it. A warmth flooded into her features when she went full circle.

“You look really…” Negan paused when his eyes stopped at her breasts. It wasn’t something that he was hiding either. There they lingered for a moment and he swallowed down hard. Realizing what he was doing, Negan was quick to pull his eyes away. Holding her coat tighter to him, Negan rocked back and forth on his feet. “Really good. I like that black dress on you. You look very nice.”

“Thank you,” she muttered feeling both a chill and a warmth growing inside of her. The chill because they were still by the doors that kept opening and closing with guests coming in. And the warmth at potentially catching Negan gawking at her breasts. “You know, I know you’re just saying that because you have to. We’ve been friends a long time and you don’t have it in you to tell me that I look a fool.”

“Oh, haha,” Negan scoffed allowing the both of them to laugh at her repeating what he had done earlier to her. “I suppose I deserve that one, huh?”

“Maybe,” she tipped her head to the side, shuddering once more at the breeze that surrounded them with the doors opening and closing. “I sure do hope it’s warmer in there than it is out here.”

“Oh, it’s plenty warm in there,” Negan assured her with a wink, nodding his head toward a different area of the hallway. Hooking his arm with hers, Negan was doing his best to be a gentleman with her. Likely showing her overwhelming amounts of kindness because she was doing him a favor here. “Walk with me.”

“Sure,” she agreed following Negan toward the area to check her coat. Moving to the front of the line, Negan did it quickly and then turned to her. Noticing that she was still shivering, Negan moved forward to caress the warmth of his large hands in over her shoulders. Attempting to warm her up, his hands rubbed down over her arms and up toward her shoulders again. The sensation brought forth another chill through her veins. “I guess I should have worn something warmer.”

“You’re going to warm up in a few minutes. I promise you that,” Negan stammered, moving forward to wrap her up in his arms to give her a big hug. It had been a long time since she had gotten one of Negan’s hugs. They were incredibly strong. They always were. The strength of it almost had him pulling her from her feet against his chest. “You have no idea how much I appreciate you coming here tonight. It would have been fucking miserable trying to explain to everyone how we have no one from the fashion design department to speak for us today. I was the one that hooked them up with Maggie so I would have looked like an asshole coming back with no one.”

“I’m sure they would have been happier with Maggie being here,” she suggested closing her eyes at the warmth of Negan’s breath over the side of her neck. “You probably would have gotten more donations with her speaking.”

“Not necessarily. It really depends. You might draw more of the classy crowd,” Negan admitted, leaning back to gaze her over again. Giving her another big smile took her breath away. “But, with how you look right now? You will probably draw in most of the crowds. You’re gonna have to excuse me. You look incredibly hot right now. And as a man, I need to inform you that I’m gonna be looking at your breasts. A lot. It’s not my intention, but they are there and you look really good in that black dress.”

“Negan!” she snickered, a warmth flooding into her cheeks hearing him actually talking to her like that. Throwing his hands up in the air, Negan didn’t seem to have any shame with what he had said. “You’re a taken man.”

“Regardless, I fucking have eyes. And damn…” Negan hissed, his eyes dropping down toward the neckline of the black dress that she was wearing. “You’re cute most of the time, but in this dress? It’s like you walked right out of my fucking dreams. My wet dreams, but…”

“God,” she groaned, still finding laughter in the things that he was saying. No matter how tacky they were. Back when they were first spending time together, this was the way Negan was all the time. They would consistently flirt with each other and say things before he started dating Maggie. “There is the Negan that I knew four years ago. I thought he left once he started dating someone.”

“Oh no, he has been in here the whole time,” Negan hooked his arm loosely around her shoulders. The weight of him around her made her feel like she belonged to Negan. And truthfully? She liked it. “My mouth may have been pure, but my thoughts? Never have been. I may be faithful, but my eyes and my dick…they notice things. All the time. And I can’t stop them from noticing.”

“Are you sure this is what you want to talk about here?” she couldn’t help but laugh since they were surrounded by people.

“They are so lost in their own conversations and lives that they don’t care to hear what we are talking about,” Negan slurred, pulling her in closer to him as they headed for the ballroom area where the event was being held. “But I also think anyone that looks at you tonight is gonna feel the same way I do. I promise you that.”

Leading her toward the table that they were going to be sitting at, Negan pulled out her chair and helped her sit down. Moving in beside her, Negan turned in the chair to look at her so they could talk easier, “So the schedule is people are going to mingle a little bit first. Then we will have some speeches. Then people will eat. And after that? It’s more so a party. Drinks, dancing…that kind of stuff.”

“Sounds good,” she sighed, taking her time to look around the room to see all the seats that were there. Panic flooded through her veins at the idea of her messing up again, but that was soon put to a halt with the warmth of Negan’s hands grabbing a hold of hers. Soft strokes of his thumbs were felt over the back of her hands and he gave her a weak smile. “I just don’t want to mess this up for you.”

“You’re not going to do that. You know how bad I am at giving speeches at big events. I do good in a classroom, but at things like this? It’s like a horrible comedy skit from me,” he suggested with a tiny snort, his dimples becoming more visible when he smiled. “I forget half of what I want to say and I just end up rambling. So I guarantee you will do better than me.”

“But you’re Negan Smith. Most people know who you are,” she pointed out drawing Negan to roll his eyes and release one of her hands to wave his hand about in the air dismissively. Even if he didn’t think it was a big deal, most people who knew who Negan was got excited at the idea of him. Either from his time in films or from back when he was a baseball player. “I’m just someone who works for Maggie Greene.”

“But,” Negan interrupted her thought process, leaning forward in his chair, “you work at Vixen. Just hearing that alone is gonna make people interested in you.”

Silence surrounded them with Negan looking over her skeptically. Something was off about the way that Negan was gazing her over, “What? What’s that look for?”

“What happened to the confident Y/N? You were my student teacher and you were more confident about teaching those students than I ever was,” Negan reminded her of her past when she worked with Negan to help him teach his class. The person that he was bringing up was someone who hadn’t gone through a fuck load of stress. Life had been rough on her. Back then, she was excited about life and the potential of her future. Now? Not so much. “You were never nervous or worried. Now you suddenly care about what a room full of strangers thinks of you?”

“One, I’ve had to deal with a lot of anxiety over the last four years,” she was honest, referring to the job that she had with Maggie. Everything was a worry and a huge amount of stress for her. It took a toll on her mental health and her body. “And two, I don’t care what these people think about me. I just want to help you. I want to be successful in the things that you want me to do. I also don’t want Maggie to lecture me for however many days it will take for her to stop being pissed at me if I mess something up.”

“Maggie can’t possibly be that bad,” Negan grumbled, leaning back into his chair. Letting his hands smack down in over his thighs, Negan huffed at the expression that Y/N gave him. “Okay, I can admit…Maggie can be a little extreme with things. Control is a big thing for her.”

“Uh huh,” she didn’t want to shit talk Maggie. Especially to her boyfriend. But that was an extreme understatement with what Negan had said.

“I mean you have to like your job, right?” Negan questioned, his deep voice searching for answers with his hazel eyes narrowing. That made Y/N freeze up. Genuinely, Negan was curious to know her answer. At that moment? She should have talked about how much she loved her job. How lucky she was to be there. How she was blessed to work with her best friend, but she couldn’t say a thing. “Your lack of response has me worried.”

“Did Maggie tell you how she got this job?” Y/N wondered knowing that in the past, she would have eagerly told Negan all about it. They told each other everything when they were close before he got together with Maggie. But since he was dating Maggie by the time she got that job? It was hard to be open with Negan.

“Vaguely,” Negan shifted in the seat, his cheeks growing red. “It’s been a long time. I don’t always remember the details of…everything.”

This was the time where she could have unloaded everything on Negan, but he probably wouldn’t have believed her anyways. Instead of answering, she just nodded. But Negan was obviously waiting for some kind of response, “Why?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she was quick to shut down the conversation since it would lead nowhere. It was stupid for her to bring it up in the first place. “The job just didn’t turn out to be what I thought it was going to be.”

“How so?” Negan pushed, sliding forward in his chair with his legs separating getting more comfortable. Even though he wanted her to talk, she knew better than to do that.

“I think there are some things I should probably keep to myself,” she admitted, forcing herself to look away from Negan since she didn’t know how to respond to everything. “I don’t know what you are going to go and tell Maggie after we are done here.”

“You think I would go tattle on you?” Negan pouted reaching out to grab at her arm to get her to look at him. Rolling her eyes, she swatted at his hand to get him away from her. A tiny laugh escaped him and he nudged her playfully again. “I’m not like that.”

“I don’t know. Maggie is capable of making people do a lot of things that most people probably never thought they were capable of,” she blurt out, regretting it after she said it when Negan’s thick eyebrows bounced up. “Let’s just say I never pictured myself being a personal assistant to anyone this far into my career. I was always told I was too good for things, yet, here I am at the bottom of the barrel in terms of my career. Maggie would be lost without me, yet no one knows my name.”

The smile that was over Negan’s features slowly faded. Biting down on his bottom lip, Negan’s Adam’s apple bounced in his throat and he looked down toward the ground like he was uncomfortable with the conversation, “I’m sorry I said it.”

“No, I just…I agree with you,” Negan admitted, sliding his chair in closer to her so he could talk quietly. It wasn’t like anyone was going to hear them or care because no one knew their connections to Maggie at this point. Throwing his hands up, Negan sucked in a sharp breath of air. “I never understood why you were in the position that you were in. I just figured you were there because you liked working with your best friend and that’s where you wanted to be.”

“Hmm…” she didn’t know how to respond looking around, wishing that they were serving drinks before she had to go up on stage. “To be honest with you Negan? If I told you a lot of my truths, you wouldn’t believe me because it doesn’t put Maggie in the best light.”

“You think I would believe that you would lie to me?” Negan scoffed, his eyebrows furrowing seemingly upset that she would assume that about him. Why were they bickering about this? And why were they doing it right now? Maggie was a sensitive subject for her and this felt weird to do with Negan. “You’ve never lied to me. Ever. Why would I assume that you would lie to me now.”

“Because you’re Maggie’s boyfriend and you’re head over heels in love with her?” she countered, her eyebrows bouncing up. Giving him a moment to think about it had a smile slowly tugging at Negan’s features. “See? You know that I’m right.”

“Loving someone means you love all of them, right? The good and the bad?” Negan proposed and it felt like she had been hit right in the gut. She knew that Negan loved Maggie but hearing him talk about loving her always hurt. Even after this long. “You can tell me things.”

“I don’t think I can,” she confessed to him, shaking her head when she spoke. Feeling the way she did four years later made her feel pathetic. But really? She was pathetic. Pining over the same man after this long was ridiculous. “There is a lot I keep to myself. And trust me, while I would love to blurt out all the negative, terrible things that have happened to me or that I know, I know better than to do that.”

“Now suddenly I’m curious,” Negan slurred, sucking at his bottom lip and dropping his head to the side slightly. “What do you know about Maggie that I don’t know?”

Silence fell over the both of them. A smirk tugged at Negan’s lips, his eyebrows bouncing up like he was waiting for her to say something. Shaking her head let him know that nothing was going to be said and it made Negan roll his eyes.

“That whole best friend code thing?” Negan snorted, still attempting to get her to talk about what was bothering her.

“If such a thing existed, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one that knows about it,” she spoke quietly enough but she knew that Negan heard her. That was more than enough toward Maggie for tonight. She knew better than to let it get this far. “So how is Jordyn?”

“Smooth transition,” Negan commented, amusement flooding his handsome features. Allowing her that right, Negan adjusted in his seat and folded his arms out in front of his chest. “She’s at home with my mother. Which does remind me, on Saturday she has something that she wanted me to ask you to come to. It’s this thing for school where the children bring their parents. It’s like an outing to Central Park. They do these, I don’t even know. Obstacles for family members to do. They can win something. She was telling me about it this morning, but she was a little all over the place with it. I know she has a sheet that I can send you tomorrow if you’re available.”

“You don’t want to take Maggie?” she was curious as to why Negan would ask her in the first place. Yeah, she took care of Jordyn a lot, but Maggie was the person that was dating Negan.

“Maggie isn’t her mother,” Negan commented simply as if that was a good excuse as to why. Once he said it, Negan’s lips parted and he swallowed down hard. By the look on her face, he knew she didn’t understand what he meant. It was just after so long of Y/N being the only female influence in Jordyn’s life, it did feel like she was actually Jordyn’s mother. That made him confused sometimes when he talked about her relationship with his daughter. “Fuck. You’re obviously not her mother either, but you’re the closest thing to a mother she’s had. Jordyn doesn’t really remember Lucille. The only thing she knows is you. You took care of her when I couldn’t. You are with her multiple days a week. She counts on you and you are always there for her. You’re like her mother without being her mother.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” she felt her chest tightening hearing how Jordyn viewed her. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t love Negan’s daughter. They had a bond that was very sweet. It made her happy and Jordyn was one of the only things that brought her joy. “Then I can’t say no. That little girl means everything to me.”

“I don’t think I have ever properly thanked you for all you do for my daughter,” Negan stammered, hooking his fingers together in his lap. By his body language she could tell that he was uncomfortable. “Jordyn wasn’t your responsibility, but you stepped up when no one else did. Including me. You’re the closest thing to a mother that Jordyn has ever had and I know that she loves you.”

“And I love her,” she assured Negan knowing that regardless of how she felt toward Negan and Maggie, she cared very much about Jordyn.

“You pretty much help me raise her,” Negan recalled how things had been over the last eight years. “I don’t think I would have made it without you. I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t walk into my class eight years ago. You make my little girl very happy. And you had no reason you had to do what you’ve done, but it means a lot to me. To both of us.”

“Well she means a lot to me too. I’m just thankful you both welcomed me into her life,” she gave a smile being honest about how she felt toward Jordyn. “She’s an amazing little girl. Probably the highlight of my life right now.”

“You’re an angel,” Negan declared, lifting his hand up to capture her chin between his index finger and thumb. Sweeping the pad of his thumb in over her jawline had her eyes fluttering to a close. It made her heart beat harder inside of her chest at the sensation. Forcing her eyes open, she noticed how locked onto her Negan appeared to be.

“Is this the girl?” a voice boomed in from beside them making Negan pull his hand back. Lifting her head, Y/N saw a man approaching and by his name tag she assumed that he was a professor. Although? He was dressed a little skeezy to be a professor here. That was her thoughts at least. He was wearing a gray suit with a black button down underneath. The buttons to his shirt were undone almost all the way down to his bellybutton. His brown hair was slicked back and he looked like he was more so ready to go out for a night on town. Once the stranger was before them, he couldn’t take his eyes off Y/N. “Maggie, right? This man talks about you all the time. I can see why he is so smitten with you. You’re gorgeous…”

“I’m not Maggie,” she interrupted the stranger since she was already jealous enough as it was. “I’m actually Maggie’s best friend.”

“Oh!” the stranger looked between Negan and Y/N letting out a rumble of a sound. “Negan, you dirty dog! Best friends?”

“It’s not…” Negan immediately shook his head, holding his hands up. “We aren’t…”

“Negan and I are just friends. Four years ago I probably would have called him my best friend, but then he hooked up with Maggie who was my childhood best friend. And our close friendship kind of fell apart after that. Now we’re just friends,” Y/N explained, reaching out to pat Negan on the chest firmly. Out of the corner of her eye, she could tell that comment caught Negan’s attention. Likely because there were layers of anger in that statement. “I’m stepping in for Maggie because she couldn’t be here tonight. I work closely with her.”

“I consider that a win,” the stranger stepped between Y/N and Negan, lowering down to his knees to put himself between the two of them. The way his brown eyes hooked with hers had her heart skipping a beat. The stranger certainly wasn’t a bad looking man. So to have his attention like this? Well, it was charming in the moment. “This is where I’m going to take the chance to introduce myself, my name is Shane Walsh. And you are fucking beautiful.”

“Wow, you’re forward,” she mused, a tiny laugh falling from her throat. Tipping his head from side to side, Shane gave her a charming smile that made sure her eyes were locked on him with his big brown eyes. “That’s very bold.”

“I like to think so,” Shane winked, his hand reaching for hers to introduce himself and when he grabbed her hand his fingers ran across the back of it to check for a ring. “Am I to assume that you aren’t married?”

“I’m not married,” she confirmed for Shane who seemed to light up at her answer.

“Are you dating someone?” Shane pushed further eliciting an annoyed groan from Negan behind him. That didn’t seem to stop Shane from asking though.

“Just my job,” she responded finding herself entertained that Negan seemed infuriated that Shane had just so blatantly blocked him out of the conversation.

“Do you have plans for after the event?” Shane wondered, his chiseled jawline flexing. Who knew that she would have someone trying to hook up with her at this event? That was certainly a surprise. “Because I’d love to get to know you better.”

“Christ, I’m right here!” Negan grunted out, but Shane just waved his hand up in the air to dismiss his comment. That had a rush of red flooding into Negan’s face. That brush off made it look like Negan wanted to knock Shane on his ass. “She’s here with me.”

“As your guest, not your girlfriend,” Shane pointed out, shooting Negan a quick glance over his shoulder. Shane was making his intentions clear and he was laying them out on the table. Even if it was pissing Negan off in the process. “Chill out Smith. It’s not like I’m moving in on what’s yours.”

“I’m going to agree to disagree with you there,” Negan hissed, his fingers curling around Shane’s shoulder getting Shane to back up so he was no longer between both her and Negan. “I’m very protective of this woman and considering I know what you’re like…”

“Fun is what he means,” Shane defended himself, placing his hand in over the center of his chest. “I’m very fun.”

Motioning her to wait, Shane pulled out a card from his pocket and pat his pockets to find a pen. Writing something down, he handed the card to her and gave her a wink, “If you get bored of this guy later tonight and you’d like to have some fun, don’t be afraid to call me. Even if it’s not tonight. We can meet up for a drink and see what happens.”

Curling her fingers around the card, she gave him a nod with Shane biting down on his bottom lip. Patting Negan on the shoulder seemed to infuriate Negan before Shane went off to another area to talk to someone else.

“You can’t be seriously considering it,” Negan scoffed, his eyes narrowing with his body language growing more uncomfortable. “Shane is a scumbag. Do you know how many fucking students he has been rumored to have relations with? I’m pretty sure there were rumors around the school that he fucked a student and filmed it. They said it ended up on one of the websites for everyone to see.”

“Do you really think the college would still employ him if that was the case? It’s college Negan, not high school. Everyone is a consenting adult,” she responded back having Negan let out a surprised sound with her reply. Seemingly, he thought telling her that would have her disgusted at the idea of Shane. “What? You’re acting like he’s screwing around with women that aren’t consenting adults.”

“But it’s an abuse of power,” Negan suggested, throwing his hand about in frustration. “And he’s…a fucking prick. I hate that guy.”

“Maggie was a student when you two started to hook up,” she reminded Negan of her final year at the school. That reminder had the color draining from Negan’s face. “So do you really have the right to judge?”

“Maggie wasn’t my student,” Negan corrected her with a bit of anger behind his tone, the lines in his forehead growing. “That’s the big difference.”

“Still, there is a bit of an age gap,” she stressed to Negan visibly making him tense at the reminder. “Wouldn’t people say the same thing about you? You were fucking a student. The two of you had wild sex all the time.”

“It’s not the same thing,” Negan repeated, his throat flexing in a moment of aggravation. “Maggie was in her twenties at the time. Old enough to make decisions. If she was my student, people would have every right to give me shit.”

“Because starting a relationship with one of your students would have been the worst thing in the world,” she returned her stare back to Negan who looked like he wanted to say something, but then didn’t. Shaking her head, she reached for her purse and put Shane’s card into it. That decision alone seemed to infuriate Negan. What had been a light hearted moment quickly went south after she had been confused for Maggie and someone else showed interest in her. “Don’t worry Negan. I’m not going to have sex with your co-worker. It was just nice to feel seen for once. It’s been a long time since someone has had that kind of response to me. Then again, I rarely get out because of my job. When I’m not working, I’m doing my best to get in sleep because I hardly get any.”

“I find it hard to believe that you aren’t noticed by a lot of people because you’re perfect,” Negan stressed, his fingers stretching out on the table top. Hearing that took her breath away. Perfect? “Who wouldn’t want to be with you?”

“I can think of a few people,” she frowned, forcing herself to look away from Negan. More than anything, all she ever wanted was to be seen by Negan. To be wanted by Negan, but she lost that chance a long time ago.

Thankfully this conversation didn’t last any longer because other people were starting to show up that were also sitting at their table. In the first hour of being there many people had come up to introduce themselves calling her Maggie. So often she wished that she could be Maggie. Maggie had everything she wanted in life, but getting called Maggie? Well that was infuriating her. And to have so many women who worked at the school coming up to tell her how much Negan loved her? Really, it sickened her and she wished the alcohol was out so she could be getting herself shit faced. Having to tell people over and over again she wasn’t Maggie wasn’t all that fun.

Considering everyone thought she was Maggie told her that they had never met Maggie, but also that Negan talked about Maggie all the time for them to be able to expect her. It sounded like Negan had told them all that they were going to meet her at that event. Which meant Negan bragged about her. Every day she was starting to realize just how lucky Maggie truly was.

By the time she had to get up on stage, she really felt like she had no shits left to give. They had already prepared the video she sent Negan previously to go with her speech. At the start of her speech, she took after Negan cracking a few jokes about not being Maggie. Instead of worrying, she decided to go with the educated comedian attitude, appealing a little bit to everyone in the audience. Usually she was pretty straight forward with her teaching methods, but the smart ass was coming out of her and it seemed to be working because most of the audience was focused on her. Having their attention felt nice and she could see why Maggie enjoyed it. After she was done, it was Negan’s turn to go up once he helped her off the stage.

“Suddenly I wish I would have gone before her,” Negan commented when he made it up onto the stage. Confidence usually oozed through Negan’s veins when he was one on one with people or in small groups, but when he was in front of a lot of people he would tend to get nervous. Which he worked through with jokes and it always worked for him.

People were enchanted with Negan and she understood why. When he was in a room, he demanded attention. Whether he was nervous or not, when he was talking, everyone paid attention. There was something about his charisma that drew people to him. After his speech, he made his way back down beside her when the next person went up.

Once he sat down, she could see that he was still tense from being up there. Outstretching her hand, she placed hers over his and gave it a firm squeeze, “You did great.”

Even though she was frustrated with him and a little bitter, she didn’t want him to overthink what he had just done.

“So did you,” Negan winked, hooking his fingers with hers. During the speeches, she was surprised that he kept holding her hand but she allowed him to do so. Affection from him felt nice, so she wasn’t going to turn it away. By the time the alcohol became available, she was thankful for it. Right off the bat, she probably drank way too much. A few people had come up to talk to her about Vixen, but after the professional parts of the event it seemed like most people just wanted to enjoy the Christmas decorations and the party that came with it. During the middle of their meals, she did find herself feeling out of place with conversations. No one else other than Negan knew who she was. Except for a few random professors that she had back in the day that came up to talk to her. So a lot of her time was spent in silence. Looking around the table, many people were lost in conversation. And she wondered what they were even talking about. When her eyes fell upon Negan, she realized that he was staring out at her. “Do you want to dance?”

“I’m sorry?” she realized that Negan had leaned in to speak in her ear since everyone was so loud by now enjoying themselves. Music was also playing so that made hearing him harder.

“I asked you if you wanted to dance,” Negan repeated what his original question was, his hazel eyes hooked on hers when he leaned back. “We used to dance all the time in the past. Do you still have it in you?”

“Sure, why not?” she accepted Negan’s hand in hers, standing from the table carefully. Moving through the crowd with Negan leading her to the dance floor, she felt her face getting hot. When Negan got where he wanted to be, he turned to her and hooked his arm loosely around her waist to pull her in closer to him. Everything was slightly blurred and she knew that she was drunk. She drank too much too fast. She’d be surprised if she didn’t make a fool of herself. But Negan was right. They used to always dance in his classroom just to be silly with one another in the past. Things got tense when she had to force herself to look at Negan. Especially since they hadn’t been this close in almost four years. “Do you think Maggie will be accepting of my speech tonight?”

“Maggie will never hear your speech from tonight,” Negan responded, his right eyebrow arching as he spoke. They were moving together and Negan knew that he had to be the lead in this. Even he could pick up on the fact she was a little tipsy. “Even if she did, I think your speech was very well done. You spoke about your experiences at the school. You talked about Maggie and what she does. Linked the two together. You were both professional and fucking funny. Maggie might not have approved of the jokes, but I think it made you more relatable. That kind of attitude charms people.”

“I figured it worked with you, so I might as well try it,” she gasped when Negan spun her about on the dancefloor having her falling in against his chest with a laugh. Until that moment she was overthinking everything she had done tonight with her speech. Normally she would have been more…boring? But with Negan pulling out that dance move, she couldn’t help but be amused. “I may have had a little bit too much to drink tonight so please be careful with me.”

“I’ll do my best,” Negan snickered against the side of her neck enjoying the way that she was laughing while they danced together. “Tonight has brought a lot of memories back for me. Like when you were my student teacher up in front of the class. Giving lectures…”

“If that’s what I reminded you of, then I must have been boring,” she placed her hand in over the center of Negan’s chest to brace herself. It had been a long time since they were this close with one another. Having this kind of focus from Negan felt good, but she knew that it wouldn’t last long.

“You were never boring. When you’re passionate about something, you fucking glow,” Negan declared, shaking his head as his hands settled in over her hips. “I was always very impressed with you and what you were capable of. How fast you picked up on things, how easy they came to you. I have no fucking doubts that you were my favorite student through the years.”

“And likely your biggest let down,” she retorted hating that she had so much potential to be something more than what she was. Back when she was here, Negan promised her the world. A job in the industry, assuring her that she was better than so many people that were working in movies back then. And now she was a glorified slave. “You thought I was destined for big things and look where I am.”

“Why do you talk about yourself like that?” Negan frowned, his big hazel eyes growing with sadness. He hated hearing her talk like that. Waiting for an answer, she just shrugged her shoulders and sighed loudly. “I told you that you were too good for fashion design when you were going to school.”

“Apparently I wasn’t good enough for either fashion design or film,” she let out an extended sigh, overwhelmed with her own emotions tonight. This was probably why she never drank. It brought her down, not up. “I’ve kind of failed at everything, huh?”

“Y’know what? Fuck this,” Negan scoffed, grabbing her hand in his. Carelessly moving through the crowd of people, Negan stole quick glances back at her to make sure that she was okay. Snagging her purse before they left the room, she didn’t know where Negan was taking her because he wouldn’t tell her. No matter how many times she asked him. That was until she realized that they were headed to Negan’s lecture hall. Unlocking the door, Negan pushed it open and stepped aside. Holding out his hand, he waved it about, giving her a big cheesy smile. “After you my dear.”

With a laugh, she moved into the room and let out a long sigh once she saw it. Not much had changed. Most of her time was spent in this room with her four years at this college. Moving down the steps toward the front of the lecture hall amused her. Heading over to the seat in the front row that she used to always take drew Negan’s attention as he made his way down the stairs. Dropping down into the seat, she tapped her hands on top of the desk. Unhurriedly he went over to his desk and sat down on the edge of it staring out at her.

“Do you remember your first day of class?” Negan asked, his fingers curling around the edge of the desk. Nodding, she looked around the classroom around her. Memories started flooding through her. The people she’d talk to. Projects. Conversations. The late nights she spent in here just talking with Negan. Helping him correct his papers. “What were your first initial thoughts?”

“About this class?” she confirmed, finally giving Negan her full attention instead of thinking back to what it used to be like in here. “You want me to be honest?”

“That’s all I ever want from you,” Negan huffed, slouching forward and bobbing his head about. Squeezing his fingers tightly where they were, he wanted her to talk about things that made her happy. Things that would bring back good memories and not bad ones. “We used to talk about it a long time ago.”

“Are we talking about why I joined your classes?” she wondered, forcing herself to look away from Negan. There was a lump growing in her throat when she stretched her fingers out across the length of the top of the desk. “How my family wanted me to take film classes to see if I preferred it over fashion design?”

Silence followed and she couldn’t help but smirk, “Because if you remember, I doubted taking your classes at first. But then I ended up liking them very much.”

“Your initial reaction of me is that you found me intimidating, right?” Negan mused, a goofy smile tugging at his handsome features when she lifted her gaze to him again. Rolling her eyes she shook her head and then bit down on her bottom lip. “What?”

“Everyone else found you intimidating. With the way you spoke. How you’d swear all the time. Or you weren’t afraid to make people look stupid and put them in their places. You weren’t the typical professor. If someone fucked up? They never did it again. You made sure of that. Yet most people loved you. Weird how that works,” she remembered what everyone was like when they were in Negan’s classes. Most people who started hating Negan loved him in the end. The look in Negan’s eyes showed that he was amused hearing that. The faint smile slowly disappeared from her lips when she shrugged. “I can’t tell you what my original thoughts were on the first day of class with you.”

“And why not?” Negan groaned out, tipping his head from side to side hinting that his neck or shoulders may have hurt. Lifting his hand, he unhooked the buttons that were on his jacket causing her to sigh.

“Because they were inappropriate,” she informed him wondering if she should tell him and be honest. Hell, what did she have to lose in the moment? The man told her he only wanted the truth from her. So it couldn’t hurt. Then again? That might have been the liquid courage speaking. “Originally, I thought that maybe I was making a mistake in focusing on both fashion and film. Getting a major in fashion and a minor in film didn’t exactly sound easy nor tempting. But then the professor walked in and I thought…holy fucking shit. He’s fucking hot. Maybe classes with this guy won’t be so bad.”

A loud, hearty laugh fell deep from within Negan’s throat. Tipping his head back had the prominent vein at the side of his neck showing and she shamelessly shrugged her shoulders, “After that first day I knew I wouldn’t have many problems in class because you were so good looking I knew I wouldn’t hate it. Even if the class was boring, I could look at you and I would be able to get by.”

“Most of my students have that first initial feeling,” Negan suggested and she rolled her eyes at his arrogance. Hearing that didn’t surprise him. It wasn’t the first time people had told him that they thought he was hot. “I’m just saying. Many of my students have always commented on my looks. I’m used to hearing it.”

“No ego there,” she grumbled, caressing her hand over the top of her desk again. With her confession, that wasn’t really the response that she wanted from him.

“We both know my ego is gigantic,” Negan didn’t deny her comment eliciting a laugh from the both of them. There was no hiding that Negan’s ego was huge and often annoyed people. He knew that he could smile at someone and get people to do whatever the hell he wanted. But he was also very arrogant. He played off his good looks and he made people know he was good looking. So much so that it got annoying sometimes. “Most of the time that crush students have on me gradually begins to leave as they learn I’m kind of an asshole.”

This is where she chose to be quiet. Not lying to Negan was a big thing for her. Keeping things from him was innocent enough. Lying to him was another thing. Dropping her head down, she thought of how things were with them in the past, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah?” Negan started tapping his fingers against the desk creating a tune from it.

“Why did you stop trying to help me get into the film business?” she was blunt, lifting her head up to stare out at Negan expectantly. A touch of color flooded into her face. It appeared like she was disappointed and embarrassed when she asked him. Slouching forward, Negan’s lips parted. It looked like he wanted to say something, went to and the reconsidered it. “I mean, during my final year you were building me up. Telling me that you were going to be helping me get into the business. Hook me up with things. And then you never did. You made me believe that I was capable of so much.”

“You are,” Negan was quick to respond, his eyes narrowing when he realized that she was kind of upset after asking that. “I uh…” Negan paused, shaking his head. What she wanted was an answer. And he didn’t know if he had a good one. “I don’t know. I guess I assumed because Maggie was getting you a job at Vixen that there was no reason for me to try to find you something else. That was the place you had always dreamt of working at. You told me that yourself.”

“I never dreamt of being someone’s personal assistant,” she stressed, expressing how disappointed she really was with her life right now. When she started with Maggie, Maggie promised her partner. Not what she ended up being. “I really thought I was something special. You built me up to believe that. And now I’m nothing.”

“How are you nothing? You work for one of the biggest fashion designers in the world right now,” Negan reminded her, throwing his hand about and snapping his fingers. “Do you know how many people would love to work for Guy Vixen? You can’t talk like your life is the worst thing possible because you’re working where you always dreamt of being.”

“I don’t work for Guy Vixen, I work for Maggie Greene,” she simply stated the truth knowing that she was being negative in the moment. But it was true. “Guy Vixen doesn’t even know my name. I’m in a dead-end job that is going to go nowhere because of a promise I made to someone that eats away at my guilt keeping me from really being something important.”

“What does that mean?” Negan obviously didn’t know what she was talking about because she never really told anyone about the promise that she made to Maggie’s father to watch over her and take care of Maggie.

“It doesn’t matter,” she exhaled loudly wishing that she could be open with Negan about things, but it wouldn’t change his mind on Maggie. Nor would it change the past and the things that happened. “Not to put you on the spot, but did I do something?”

“Do something?” he repeated her words, his facial expression showing that he didn’t know where she was headed with the conversation.

“To make you not want to be around me anymore,” she stammered, her face growing hot since she was being so brazen with her actions tonight. “Before you hooked up with Maggie we were together all the time. Hanging out. Spending time together. Spending time with Jordyn. You were my biggest cheerleader promising me the world and then you just kind of…stopped. I thought the two of us were closer than we obviously are.”

“Oh,” Negan paused to think about what she asked him. By the look in his eyes he was really fighting to come up with an answer.

“Never mind,” she realized it was taking longer than she would have liked it to have taken. That hope that there was something more he felt for her was stupid to begin with. “Forget that I asked. It was stupid anyways.”

“No. It’s not stupid. You’re right. We were together all the time and we were really close,” Negan agreed with her, folding his arms in front of his chest. Still, it took him longer than she would have liked it to. “You didn’t do anything, I just…I don’t know? When Maggie and I started dating, I think I just started spending all my extra time with Maggie. When you’re with someone, you kind of just want to be able to spend as much time with them as possible. That doesn’t mean that you did something wrong. Because you didn’t. You’re still one of the most important people in my life Y/N.”

“Your daughter’s life,” she corrected his statement, forcing herself to look away from him. “I’m important to Jordyn. And I’ve come to terms with that. I just wish that you wouldn’t have given up on me completely.”

“I never realized you were as unhappy as you are,” Negan explained, his hand lifting to place in over the center of his chest to defend himself. What he was hearing tonight shocked him. Because he really thought she was happy. She was always smiling and positive when she was with Jordyn. So this side of her? He had no idea that it existed. “If I would have known, I would have gotten you a job somewhere. I was more connected to things back then. I could have easily gotten you a job.”

“And now you can’t?” she confirmed with him noticing the way that Negan stammered to find the right words. Suddenly it felt like the room was spinning around her and she wished she wouldn’t have opened her mouth. “Yeah, I understand.”

“Listen…” Negan paused, hating to see the expression that was over her face. “We haven’t worked together since you were in college. I have no idea what your work ethic is like. You’ve been at a fashion design company for four years. I don’t think that background is the kind someone would be looking for. With how long I’ve been gone from the industry? I don’t think someone is just going to trust me when I say to them, hey, this girl that I know would like a job and four years ago she was my best student. Y’know?”

“This girl,” she repeated what he said, biting down on her bottom lip. Every part of her felt like it was on fire with how worked up she was feeling.

“Fuck, I would have to have something to prove that you’re good at what you do,” Negan educated her on how things would have to work. For the first time, Negan was stuttering. His confidence was gone and it felt like he was just making things up. It was obvious she was upset, so he was just twisting his words. “You should have said something to me four years ago. I could have done something then. Now? I don’t know what you expect me to be able to do. I don’t have the kind of connections that I did then. Anything I have from you is over four…”

“I think it’s time for me to leave,” she threw up her hands, interrupting him so she didn’t have to continue to listen to this. Getting up from the desk, she had to balance her hands firmly over the desk because she was feeling the effects of the alcohol overwhelming her. When she did get enough strength to stand on her feet, she started to head back toward the door, but Negan called out to her. “It was nice talking to you tonight Negan. I’ll see you on Saturday for Jordyn’s event.”

“Please don’t leave like this,” Negan begged, standing up from the desk when she started to head for the stairs. “I don’t like seeing you upset.”

“Then you haven’t been looking at me good enough for the last four years,” she scoffed, expressing that she hadn’t been happy for a very long time. Now, she just had no filtering system. So putting up that façade wasn’t as easy as it was for so long. “Goodnight Negan.”

“You stopped trying too you know,” Negan proclaimed having her stop midway up the steps. What she just heard sent a fiery rush throughout her body. “I would try to talk to you when I was at the apartment. But after I hooked up with Maggie, you blew me off every single time. You didn’t want to be anywhere near me. So this isn’t all my fault. The only time I get to see you is when you come to get Jordyn or we’re in the same place with my daughter. If you wanted to keep our friendship, then you should have tried too. Same thing with working in film. If that’s what you truly wanted, you should have come to me sooner.”

“You just gave up on me Negan,” she blurt out, throwing her hand up in the air. Turning on her heel, her eyes were angry at what he had just threw on her. “You promised to find me a job and you never did. You didn’t even try. You filled my head with empty promises that you never delivered on. Told me over and over again that I was going to be somebody.”

“It’s not my fault that you did nothing with yourself,” Negan snapped at her, immediately regretting it with the way the color drained from her face. His heart was pounding inside of his chest, his fists curled at his sides. Hearing what he had just said confirmed what she thought about herself. That she was nothing. And he agreed with her.

“You seem to forget what I did for you Negan,” she dropped her head down, and in that moment, she looked miserable. “You gave up completely. On yourself. On Jordyn. If it wasn’t for me, you may not even have this job anymore. I took care of Jordyn when you couldn’t. I took care of you when you couldn’t. I’m the person that pulled you out of your darkness.”

Being reminded of that had Negan’s body loosening up, a lump growing in his throat. Dropping his head down, he stroked at the back of his neck and felt guilty, “But I’m glad life worked itself out for you. You’re happy now. Good for you Negan.”

“I never realized how much you hate me,” Negan sneered, letting out an irritated breath when she reached the top step. “You’ve been holding this anger in for…what? All four years?”

“Is that what you really think? That I hate you?” she responded, turning to face him again. That comment had made her emotional and he could see that tears were burning in her eyes. “I don’t hate you.”

God, why did she have to be so fucking emotional in that moment? Clinging to her purse, she let out a tremoring breath when the warmth of a single tear slid down her face, “I never hated you Negan. Sometimes I wish I did.”

“I…” Negan began, his breathing loud enough for her to hear. “I don’t know what to say to you.”

“You don’t have to say anything Negan,” she shrugged, her heart hammering inside of her chest. “I just expect too much from people. I give up everything for Maggie and all she does is shit on me. Her father begs me when he’s dying to take care of her because I’ve been the only constant in her life and look where I am now. You were ready to die and I saved you. Do you think it’s too much for me to wish that someone would do for me what I’ve done for them?”

“I didn’t know that about Maggie’s dad,” Negan retorted, his nose wrinkling wondering if she had told him that in the past and he didn’t remember. “How am I supposed to know those things? With both of you in my life…”

A loud swallow followed from Negan with his long eyelashes fluttering, “I was important to you. And then you dropped me for my best friend. I don’t know what I was expecting from you. Go home to Maggie. The two of you belong together.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Negan inquired, his jaw flexing in response to her comment. “You say that as if it’s a bad thing.”

“No, you and Maggie are the perfect couple Negan. I’m thoroughly happy for you,” she was lying now and she was being an asshole. There was no question there. “I’m fucking miserable Negan and it’d be nice to have someone care for me. But no one does. No one, except your daughter. So please, just forget I ever said anything to you.”

“I don’t want to forget,” Negan insisted when she reached for the door to leave. Running up the stairs, Negan firmly wrapped his fingers around her wrist to keep her from leaving. “Whether you believe it or not, I do care about you. You saved me from myself. You made me realize life was worth living. I’m only happy now because of you. I don’t want you to end up like I was. What can I do to help you? I want the two of us to be close again.”

“I don’t think I’m meant to be happy Negan,” she admitted, a broken breath escaping her lips. Shrugging her shoulders, she huffed when Negan pulled her forward into his arms to give her a big hug. Closing her eyes, she didn’t know how to respond. Part of her was actually furious with Negan for the things he said, but the other part of her was still so hopelessly in love with him. “I’m just here to lift others up and let them be happy.”

“Maybe you can talk to Maggie about her trying to help you get promoted to something else or to get a job elsewhere. A place where you are more suited,” Negan offered a suggestion, tipping his head back to stare into her eyes. Rolling her eyes was almost involuntary. Right now she did most of Maggie’s job except for the exciting parts. Maggie had no interest in helping her. In the past she had already tried to get promoted or placed in another area. And that didn’t work. “Why can’t you do that?”

“I’ve already tried. Maggie had no interest in helping me,” Y/N stated, carefully pulling herself away from Negan. Things were swirling in her mind and she was trying to come up with a better escape to find some kind of happiness. “What about a low position job in film? You know I’m a fast learner. I can start at the bottom and maybe work my way up. I’m okay with that.”

“Y/N, I know where you live which means I know you have to make a certain amount. No job in the lower part of the film business is going to pay you what you make. Even if it’s not as much as you would hope. You’re gonna be living in an apartment with a lot of people. And even if I were to do that, I would have to get a favor from friends because they would have to trust my word,” Negan rambled having her realizing that this would go nowhere. The hope that her time working with Negan would get her a job was shattering right before her. “I just don’t know if…”

“You think I wouldn’t be able to prove that I’m worth the favor?” she wondered, her eyes looking to Negan who stammered to find the right words. It put him on the spot and she knew that he wasn’t going to even bother helping her. “Forget it Negan. I’m sorry I asked. That’s putting you in a tough position and that’s asking a lot from a person I’m not even close to.”

“You’re the moth…” Negan paused, his dimples sinking in with frustration. “You’re like the mother to my child. I’m pretty sure I’m obligated to help you in some fashion here.”

“I’m not the mother to your child though Negan. Lucille was,” she reminded Negan of his late wife hearing the trembling breath that came from his lips. “Please just pretend that I didn’t have this total meltdown tonight. This is why I try to stay away from alcohol. I have a total fucking pity party that no one wants to hear. Not even myself. I’m going to leave and pretend that none of this happened. So hopefully you do too. And then we can just go back to pretending like we’re close when we really aren’t.”

“Stop, just stop. Come over tonight,” Negan spoke in almost a demand and less of a question. It had her scoffing because what in God’s name would that do to help things? “I don’t know when the last time I played video games was. I miss spending time with you. Just…come to my house. I have some sweats that you can hop into. I know my mother would love to see you. She fucking loves you. And Jordyn wouldn’t have a hard time with you coming over. She loves you too. Let’s go to my place. Play some video games. Eat some ice cream and snack on some food that is shitty for us. What do you say?”

“I don’t think Maggie would be okay with that,” she brought forth the most important piece to Negan’s puzzle other than his daughter. Maggie not only hated Negan playing video games, but she would no doubt rage over them spending the night together. Even if they were just hanging out.

“Fuck what Maggie would be okay with. I should be able to spend time with my friends. Especially her best friend. We share the same friend and yet neither one of us spends enough time with her,” Negan was expressive in the way he was trying to get her to agree to coming home with him. After their fight, he felt awful and he didn’t think that she should be alone to herself. There were signs he saw in her that reminded him of when he was at his lowest. “I’ll get my driver to take us back to my place. Come on.”

Thinking things over, she felt Negan reaching for her hands to give them a firm squeeze, “Unless of course you are thinking of taking Shane up on his offer from earlier.”

“I completely already forgot about that guy,” she rolled her eyes, shaking her head in disbelief that Negan even brought him back up. What he was doing was attempting to change the subject to something that might make her laugh.

“I’m not really giving you a choice here, so just come back with me. We’ll get our jackets. We can leave and we will just spend the rest of the night hanging out,” Negan stressed to her what they were going to be doing, reaching for her hand to lead her out of the classroom. Locking things up, Negan kept his fingers hooked with hers to take her to their jackets. “It will be just like the old times.”

“Except in the past you did it with me because you wanted to, not because I made you feel guilty,” she replied back making Negan tense up, stealing a quick look back at her. “You’re doing this because you feel bad for me.”

“And you did it for me because you felt bad for me, so I guess we’re just mirroring each other now. Aren’t we?” Negan countered with a grunt, grabbing her jacket and helping her to put it back on her. Getting his jacket on as well, Negan pulled out his cell phone and shook his head. “I’m gonna take you home. We’re gonna sober you up and we’re gonna spend the night talking. Which is what I want to do. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. So come on…”

Hooking his fingers with hers, Negan led her over toward the door to wait for his driver. Licking his lips, Negan looked to her with a frown, “I still consider you one of my best friends. One of the most important people in my life. I don’t know how you don’t see that.”

“I’m not out to make you feel bad Negan,” she backed down on her emotions since Negan really wasn’t the one at fault for all of her misery. “I just miss the way things used to be.”

“So do I,” Negan insisted using his free hand to place it in over his chest as if to defend himself again. “Some of my best memories are with you. We used to have so much fun together. Some of the stuff we did together after hours while checking tests were my favorite. Or when we’d lay up all night in my bed talking. I’ve never been able to talk to someone like I can you.”

“I felt the same way about you,” she felt an ache at the center of her chest. By the expression over Negan’s features, she could tell that he genuinely felt bad about all of this. And at least that mattered. That he felt some kind of emotions over the way she felt. It would have been worse if he just blew her off. “You and Jordyn brought a lot of happiness into my life.”

“I’d like to think we still could,” Negan stammered, turning further to face her. Grabbing both her hands in his again, he stroked his thumbs in over the back of them. “There are no rules saying that we have to stop talking because of Maggie. You can be the best friend to both me and her. Spending time with you should just be normal.”

“I don’t think Maggie is going to agree with that,” she was straight forward about things, still not wanting to elaborate completely with her emotions.

“Well in this case, I really don’t care what Maggie wants or what she is going to agree to. I was friends with you before I started dating her. You’re the predominant female figure in my daughter’s life and I feel things for you that no one will understand so she’s just gonna have to deal,” Negan slurred, leaning down again to pull her in for a hug. Holding tightly to her had her regretting everything she said tonight. For the most part she always did a good job at keeping her mouth shut, but tonight she was just unloading. When Negan realized that his driver was there, he pulled back and urged her to follow him. Helping her into the car, Negan got in behind her with them getting comfortable. “Are you cold?”

“I’ll be fine,” she assured him, but he ignored her completely taking his jacket off and putting it over her lap to help warm up her legs. Adjusting the heat, Negan was moving all over the place with them headed to his home. Dropping down beside her again, Negan huffed out and looked down at what he was wearing. “What?”

“I can’t wait to get out of this,” Negan declared, palming down over his chest toward his abdomen. It brought attention to the vest that he was wearing. The suit was perfectly tailored to his slender body and she didn’t understand why he hated it so much. “My sweatpants and my t-shirt are calling to me. I hear them from here.”

“I know you hate dressing up, but you look really good,” she complimented him, gazing over at him from where she was seated beside him. “You make a suit look good. You’re naturally very handsome, but put you in something like that? It’s breathtaking.”

“You’re sweet,” Negan winked, nudging her playfully with his arm. “I always hated wearing these things. Lucille used to beg me to dress up in them all the time and I just never felt comfortable in them. It’s just not who I am.”

“Comfortable or not, you look really good. Before you take it off, you should take a photo of yourself for me,” she was actually pretty thankful that he had turned the heat up because she was genuinely cold at first. Now she was warm beneath his jacket.

“Deal,” Negan snickered, dropping his head back against the backseat of the car. “What about you? You should dress up like that more often.”

“I run around too much to dress up like this,” she noted thinking about her every day life. “I don’t get to dress up much because if I did, I don’t think it would work well. I’m up and down all the time. So it’s comfortable clothes for me. Not that I would prefer those, but I think I need to wear them.”

“Have you thought about taking a vacation for yourself?” Negan wondered, rubbing his palms at his thighs to warm himself up. “It sounds like you could use a break from your life.”

“I don’t think Maggie could handle that,” she commented what she knew to be true about the woman she spent almost every day with. If she wasn’t there, she was certain that Maggie would fall apart. “I also don’t think I could afford that. Having to pay for the apartment completely now, I just can’t afford to get away.”

“Is Maggie really that helpless?” Negan scoffed, his face scrunching up. Clearly he had caught on to the many times that she had stressed how much Maggie needed her. “By the way she talks about her job, it sounds like she has everything under control.”

“She does,” she agreed with the statement, getting more relaxed in her seat. “Because of me. Without me, everything would fall apart.”

“I see,” Negan clicked his tongue at the top of his mouth, gazing over her for a long moment before speaking again. “Maggie is your best friend as far as I’m aware. How come you don’t feel comfortable talking to her about all of this? If the two of you have been close for so long, you’d think you’d be able to talk things out with her.”

“It’s complicated,” that was really the best way to sum things up with Maggie. Actions spoke louder than words and it was hard for Y/N to really think that Maggie saw Y/N as her best friend. Letting her thoughts linger, Y/N shifted in the seat and turned to face Negan better. “Can I ask you something personal?”

A wicked smirk tugged at Negan’s features, she knew that was a stupid question. During her entire time being around Negan, he was never one to hold back on things. So for her to ask that was just stupid in general.

“With Maggie…” she began, her throat going dry since she was touching areas that she had always wondered about but never had the strength to truly ask. “What was it about Maggie that made you fall for her?”

“Oh, not what I was expecting,” Negan’s eyebrows bounced up, biting down on his bottom lip while considering his answer. “Do you remember what Lucille looked like from photos?” Negan looked to her with his big eyes and Y/N slowly nodded. “I feel like Maggie and Lucille physically have a lot of similarities. Lucille had that southern twang too and I really like that. Plus, they were both spitfires. There are some negatives of course about Maggie that I see, but sometimes I think I compare her too harshly to Lucille because Lucille was the love of my life. No one is ever gonna be Lucille, you know?”

“So you got with her because she reminded you of Lucille?” she confirmed what she thought she was hearing. It looked like Negan was going to agree with it at first, but then tipped his head from side to side.

“That and she was super persistent,” Negan recalled the past, his face scrunching up when he thought back on things. “We met that first time she came by to drop something off for you. Over the next few days, she kept coming back to the classroom to talk. Flirting, a lot. And of course, she’s a very beautiful girl. Charming as hell.”

“Come again,” she felt her heart skip a beat listening to Negan talk about Maggie. “Did you just say that she kept coming back to talk to you after that day?”

“Yeah,” Negan responded noticing the color draining from Y/N’s face. “I thought she was coming around looking for you the first few times, but I realized she was just coming by to flirt with me. I thought it was cute. She was laying it on thick. I took the hint and that’s why I showed up at your apartment that day with the flowers.”

“I see,” Y/N felt her face growing hot as Negan continued to talk about how him and Maggie actually happened. Hearing the truth about things hurt considering she told Maggie long before all that how she felt about Negan. Maggie was one of two people she told everything to back then. So to hear that her best friend knew that she was in love with Negan and still went after him so hard hurt. “And after the flowers?”

“She’d come and visit me every day in class,” Negan followed up her question having the fire growing inside of Y/N’s veins. That day Negan had showed up with the flowers, Maggie promised that she wouldn’t let things go any further between her and Negan. “The first time we slept together was the time you walked in on us. She invited me over to the apartment and she pretty much jumped me. Assured me that you wouldn’t be coming back home because you were out with some guy…”

“Jesus,” she blurt out, lowering her head to pinch at the bridge of her nose. A confused breath escaped Negan’s throat at her response. See, for Negan this likely didn’t make sense or mean anything. But Y/N was starting to piece things together. Maggie did all of it on purpose. Maggie took the man that Y/N loved just to prove that she could and Y/N never left. “I’m so fucking stupid.”

“That’s a weird comment to make after what I just said,” Negan slurred, not sure how to respond to how she reacted. “Obviously, if I would have known that you were coming home that night, I would have never allowed us to do that…there. That wasn’t how I pictured you seeing my dick the first time. You know?”

By the expression she gave him, Negan could tell that she wasn’t happy. He was trying to crack a joke there and it wasn’t really landing, “What’s wrong?”

“You really don’t know, do you?” she exhaled loudly leaving Negan to think about her question. It had Negan shaking his head and a tiny smile tugged at his lips.

“I’m not a psychic here love,” Negan reasoned with her, tapping his hands on his knees. Throwing his hands up, he was waiting for some kind of response from her, but he wasn’t getting one.

“So you chose Maggie because she was persistent and reminded you of Lucille?” she was fighting getting emotional over everything, just trying to sum up all of the details from Negan. “That’s what I’m gathering? And she’s obviously charming and good looking.”

“Yeah, I mean she was the first person interested in me after Lucille passed away,” Negan commented, throwing his right hand up in the air sensing that the vibe of everything was different after he answered her question. “It just felt like it made sense for me to be with Maggie.”

“The first person interested in you…” she couldn’t help but laugh, sliding further away from Negan on the backseat. Once again she became overwhelmed and severely angry. “And what did you think of me?”

“What do you mean?” Negan wasn’t sure where she was headed, noticing the distance that she put between them. “Do you mean when I first met you? I thought you were a very sweet, hard working student. I was impressed with how quickly you picked up on things. How hard you worked to be my best student.”

“By the time you met Maggie? What did you think about me then?” she threw it out there deeply wondering if Negan was completely blind to things. His lips parted, his eyes narrowing showing that he was considering her question. The sound of her phone buzzing drew her attention, but she didn’t look at it just yet.

“You were my angel,” Negan finally answered, shrugging his shoulders as he spoke. “Everything around me was falling apart and you were there to hold me up when all I wanted to do was fall. You made me whole again. As you may have picked up on, in a way I do consider you to be Jordyn’s mother. Jordyn never knew Lucille and all she has ever known is you. In the first year or two of losing Lucille, you were a better parent than I was. You’re like the co-parent to my daughter. So I saw you as one of the most loving, loyal, sweet women I’ve ever known.”

It was hard to respond to that. Maggie was beautiful. Maggie was charming. Maggie reminded him of Lucille, but she was his angel that saved him. Again her phone vibrated and instead of responding to Negan she looked down to see that it was a few alerts that were sent to Maggie’s e-mail. Opening them up, she realized that it was a note from one of the team leaders of a project with a new client trying to check in to make sure that Maggie would be ready for tomorrow. Apparently their meeting got pushed forward a day and that was one of the e-mails that she didn’t respond to earlier in the morning.

“Great,” she muttered under her breath. Now she knew that she had to get a hold of Maggie before work tomorrow. Would she even be capable of that? Y/N knew that once Maggie was gone from work she didn’t want to be bothered. Which meant that she would have to drop by Maggie’s apartment in the morning to grab the project that she had given Maggie a few days ago to insure that it would be there for Maggie in the morning for her meeting.

“Not the answer you wanted?” Negan spoke up after the silence, getting Y/N to lift her eyes from her phone.

Why be honest with him at this point? It wasn’t going to get her anywhere. Especially since he made it clear that he very much cared for Maggie.

“I could say things, but ultimately? No matter how I feel, I love your daughter,” she didn’t want to ignore the main part of Negan’s comment with her being viewed as Jordyn’s mother. “I would do anything for that little girl and she means the world to me. I’ve said that many times tonight. I’m blessed to be able to be part of her life.”

“I’m really happy you love my daughter,” Negan started, his breathing growing uneven with him shrugging his shoulders. “But what about everything else? Was that not a good enough answer for you? Why don’t you tell me what you wanted to hear.”

Clasping her fingers tightly to the cell phone, she bit down on her bottom lip. Feeling her pulse jumping in her throat, she considered the truth, but knew it would only lead to her being further hurt, “It was a perfect answer Negan. Thank you.”

“You’re lying,” Negan accused, outstretching his fingers to drag them across her shoulder. “You don’t lie to me.”

“Now I don’t know what you want me to say,” she whispered, a lump growing in her throat with the way that Negan was staring out at her expectantly. Shrugging her shoulders, she didn’t know what to say to him anymore. “Some things are better off left unsaid. There are a lot of things I said tonight that I should have never said anyways.”

“They are weighing heavy on you, so why not fucking say something?” Negan snorted, the bridge of his nose creasing when he searched for answers.

“Negan,” she bit down on her bottom lip, letting curiosity get the best of her. “Do you think I’m pretty?”

“Of course I do,” Negan was quick to respond, not even taking the time to think about his answer. “I told you tonight that I thought you were very beautiful. When I saw you in that dress, my brain very much enjoyed it. I know that you are feeling down on yourself, but you should never doubt your looks because you’re a very beautiful girl. Inside and out.”

“Why did you never make a move on me then?” she whispered, hating herself the moment she asked it. The expression Negan gave her was more than enough for her to wish that the world opened up and swallowed her whole.

Instead of giving her an answer, Negan cracked a smile and started to chuckle which had some color flooding into her face. Clearing his throat, Negan sat forward in the seat, “Jesus, you’re actually serious.”

“Fuck, you are so bad at this,” she half laughed, dropping her head down to bury it in her hand. Just by that reaction alone, she knew that Negan never saw her as a potential love interest. Nor did he want to be with her. “I have to be just about the stupidest, most pathetic, undesirable woman in the world to you.”

“Goddamn. Could you be any fucking nastier to yourself?” Negan grunted, the lines in his forehead growing showing his displeasure for the way she was talking about herself. “You’re right. You need to stay away from alcohol because you are usually the most positive person I know. I’ve never seen this side of you.”

“I need to get something done for Maggie or I’m never gonna hear the end of it,” she changed the subject looking to her phone again. If Maggie wasn’t prepared for the meeting with the new client to be pushed up things would go horribly tomorrow. Noticing that they were stopped at a corner that wasn’t too far away from Maggie’s apartment, she slid in closer to the door. Tugging Negan’s jacket from her legs, she set it beside her and swallowed down hard. “I’m just going to get out here. I hope you have a good night. Give your mother all my love and the same to Jordyn.”

“Wait, hey…” Negan called out to her, but before he could stop her she had already gotten out of the car and started swiftly walking down the street after closing the door behind her. It was likely that Negan’s driver hadn’t noticed that she had gotten out of the car because once the light changed, the car had driven away which she was thankful for.

----

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