#probs doesn’t make sense idk

[conticentimp]

sometimes I wish humans had tails or big teef or little whiskers because that would be so fun, big ears that can be used to tell ur mood like a dog or cat. jus nonverbal communication like other animals have but then I remember we do have nonverbal communication, it’s just that we probably don’t consciously notice as much

Most of it is culture based (as in, the way you specifically interpret and practice nonverbal communication is culture based) but tone, pitch, posture, where your feet point, how close or far you stand from someone, where you look, make or don’t make eye contact, fidgeting-

That’s all nonverbal communication too babey!!! I think we forget that we’re mammals, like yea consciousness and all, but at the end of the day we’re animals too yknow

[mavspeed]

something that really pisses me off is this headcanon that ice would have been or was against mav pulling bradley’s papers for the academy.

like i’m sorry but I need some of you to think for a second. this is a man whose jet wash indirectly also led to the accident that resulted in goose’s death and probably carried that guilt for half his life too. this is also the man who was there to watch mav and carole grieve for the brother/husband they lost for YEARS. not to mention he was close to goose as well since they were both at the academy. like he would have wanted to protect bradley just as much as mav did when he made the decision to pull the papers. it’s a dumb moment for both of them but again. 100% they would have both thought they were doing the right thing for bradley.

[celestialulu]

I love analysis posts like someone could say that the dragon cry scene when Natsu imagines Lucy and how she wears white resembles the way he’s in love with Lucy because white is what brides wear and that’s how most people associate the two and I’d be like wow so true you really get it

[harrylights]

had the weirdest but coolest dream ever that i might have to turn into an au

[hella1975]

has that other anon ever met an upper class brit because i guarantee they wouldn't feel the same after encountering All That

literally 😭 like comparing classism is so dumb when it’s very much a subjective, varied conversation WITHIN a country let alone amongst different countries but that sentiment can and should coexist with the acknowledgement that british classism Does Not Fuck About

[scionshtola]

i guess if i had criticisms of or like. wishes. for the writing on shtola it would be that i would like to see more how her being blind actually affects her and for her to face something that really made her struggle with her convictions

[purplegn0mes]

I really want Gnomeo & Juliet to be more popular and have a bigger fan base unironically so there’s more content for it but at the same time I wanna gatekeep my childhood movie from literally everybody

[diorstarr]

screeammmm spent like four hours making this breaking bad edit and I think I hate it 😭

[jgracie]

luke castellan thoughts because i’ve been in such a mood lately…. he always has his arm around ur waist OR in ur back pocket it doesn’t rly matter he just has to have physical contact.. he is also the type to guide you around an area iykwim like he pulls you really close to his side and you move together as one entity yk…… also calls you m’lady just for funsies LOL & always says “i have to go see the mrs” whenever u need him… wears a hairtie on his wrist like it’s a bracelet for sure !!! loves tying your hair for u if u ask him for the hair tie he won’t give it to you he’ll tie your hair himself LMAO also def knows how to do hair because of the amount of little kids he takes care of in the hermes cabin!! you’re a little shocked when he perfectly french braids ur hair at first but then u think ab it and realize it acc makes a lot of sense….. kids cartoons r his guilty pleasure he missed out on a lot of them pls watch teen titans go w him 😭 i also like to think he has ear piercings idk he seems like an earring kind of guy probs got them done by thalia or some random person at the hermes cabin.. also has a stick and poke tattoo no one rly knows ab cz he did it a while back and it’s super small….. loves when u sit on his lap SO MUCH to the point where whenever u appear at a function he’s at all the chairs miraculously disappear 😣

[egcdeath]

making a racket

pairing: patrick zweig x reader

warnings: social media au, dates aren’t really relevant but are there for formatting purposes, mentions of a sex tape but nothing explicit, drama, no use of y/n, usernames are random, grammar isn’t the best because it’s social media, angst, fluff, more drama, twitter, gossip websites, reddit, text messages, emails, deuxmoi, so many headlines.

summary: as a celebrity, you often can’t control the narrative. you find that out the hard way when you enter a relationship with an infamous retired tennis player.

word count: 5k

author’s note: this fic was inspired by this request and was so fun to write! also, i apologize in advance if i somehow tagged you because of your username!!!

key: DM = deuxmoi (a celebrity gossip account on instagram)

CDAN = crazy days and nights (a website with blind items)

blind items = basically a riddle for celebrity gossip

EGOT = Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony Awards

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

UPDATE: today thee tennis princess herself followed retired tennis player patrick zweig. he has not yet followed her back.

[alt text: screenshot of mother following patrick zweig on instagram]

6:07 PM 8/12/22 From Earth

cleo - @filmsn0b

@popculturelvr9 could it be for that new biopic abt the tennis player?

6:08 PM 8/12/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates  - @popculturelvr9

@filmsn0b god i hope so. it’s about time she brought home an oscar. 

6:08 PM 8/12/22 From Earth

🎬🎾 - @lalalanding

@popculturelvr9 @filmsn0b it’s not a biopic fyi but that makes sense. they just started production a few days ago so he’s prob helping her learn how to play

6:10 PM 8/12/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9 

@lalalanding @filmsn0b like i said….. the Oscars are not ready for her. 

6:10 PM 8/12/22 From Earth

——

tara 🦋🐬 - @profhater

GUYS you will never guess who i just met

10:30 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

🎬🎾 - @lalalanding

@profhater who?

10:32 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

tara 🦋🐬 - @profhater

see for yourself

[alt text: me with the queen herself AHHHH]

10:32 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

🎬🎾 - @lalalanding

@profhater @popculturelvr9 LOOK

10:34 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9 

@lalalanding @profhater OMG

10:42 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9 

@lalalanding @profhater what did she say to you?

10:42 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

tara 🦋🐬 - @profhater

@popculturelvr9 @lalalanding i told her i loved her work then made some random guy she was with take the picture lol 

10:55 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9 

@profhater @lalalanding ugh i wish i was you

10:42 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

----

@deuxmoi - 9/13/22

SPOTTED

let’s see what your favorite celebs have been up to since last week

hi! i served (no pun intended) that former tennis player patrick zweig and that one actress from that one dramedy show that swept the award circuit last year at the country club i work at this weekend. they were super nice and tipped very generously! idk if they’re dating but they were definitely wearing matching outfits. 

not the first time we’ve 

heard she’s a good tipper

—-

@deuxmoi - 9/25/22

Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, please: COURTING her

Email: balls@aol.com 

Subject: award darling and no one’s darling

Message: i work on the set of the production for a very highly anticipated movie for next summer and a leading actress and her “personal trainer” have been getting awfully cozy. we’ve caught him leaving her trailer a number of times. he definitely doesn’t fit her sweet girl persona. 

——

Blind Item #13 

This newly critically acclaimed TV actress has had her head in the clouds lately. After various reports of spotting her making quite a Racket with a consulting crew member, her publicist has been scrambling to put out fires and advising her to move on, but she insists on seeing him. 

Someone call HR.

October 3, 2022

——

r/Fauxmoi

u/aintnodiva

I know it’s not from DM but does anyone know who this might be?

[alt text: Screenshot of Oct. 3, 2022’s Blind Item #13 from CDAN]

⬆3 ⬇

u/sinkingships212

Racket makes me think of tennis, tennis makes me think of that one upcoming movie, so I’m gonna guess Patrick Zweig is involved somehow. 

⬆15 ⬇

u/aintnodiva

No wayyy is he with the lead actress then?

⬆5 ⬇

u/sinkingships212

I doubt it. Their vibes seem totally mismatched lmao. Besides, she’s in too good of a place in her career to be with a guy whose dick pics are one Google search away.

⬆8 ⬇

u/teaspilllllt

did anyone else see that submission to DM a few weeks ago about the production for that movie? it basically said the same thing

⬆3 ⬇

u/sinkingships212

I forgot about that. It’s probably just speculation then.

⬆6 ⬇

——

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

UPDATE: it looks like the tennis movie has wrapped! this is queen leaving the set today

[alt text: paparazzi picture of a beautiful gorgeous radiant woman getting into her ride tonight]

9:45 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

🌸💐🌺 - @floraflorals

@popculturelvr she looks so sad omg who hurt her 😭

9:46 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@floraflorals idk who did but i need to fight them

9:47 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanding

@popculturelvr9 @floraflorals girl probably patrick zweig

9:47 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

🌸💐🌺 - @floraflorals

@lalalanding ew

9:51 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@floraflorals @lalalanding she’s probably just sad to be wrapping honestly 

9:52 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanding

@popculturelvr9 @floraflorals i still blame That Man

9:53 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

----

Blind Item #7

This highly anticipated movie featuring a highly in-demand prestige actress had a particular crew consultant stay far longer than what was necessary. From consultant, to trainer, to fuckbuddy? With production wrapping, these coworkers are not so sure where they stand. 

Someone should’ve intervened months ago. 

November 16, 2022

—--

Blind Item #4

The holidays are coming around, and this couple who are more like a double still don’t know where they stand. Maybe asking someone allergic to commitment to come to Thanksgiving was a mistake. 

November 24, 2022

—-

Instagram

@finstalice: holiday photodump!

1 hour ago

@spammmacy: i’m dead why was that tennis guy at your thanksgiving 💀

45 minutes ago

@finstalice: @spammmacy lololol a friend brought him over for friendsgiving

40 minutes ago

@spammmacy: did he do any tennis tricks for yall

37 minutes ago

@finstalice: @spammmacy ik ur joking but after a few drinks he literally did. u should’ve seen the girl who brought him 😭 she was so embarrassed but went right back to smooching him after

33 minutes ago

@spammmacy: how did she not get the ick

31 minutes ago

@finstalice: @spammmacy love is a mysterious thing

22 minutes ago

——

The Independent 

December 13, 2022

Former tennis star Patrick Zweig and up-and-coming actress cozy up at intimate dinner

On Friday, the pair grabbed Italian at a notoriously hard-to-get-into restaurant. The couple shared dishes and drinks and seemed to be enjoying each other’s company. 

Zweig, 29, recently retired after a season that ended in injury. His retirement came after a series of scandals, most notably being a risqué leak of his camera roll. 

At 29 herself, she is coming off the heels of a very busy award season. Taking home her first Best Actress Emmy and BAFTA awards, she also recently received her second ensemble cast award.

The two seem to be an interesting pair, having finished wrapping a movie they were both working on in late October. The unlikely friendship comes on the heels of murmurs about a potential relationship.

“They’ve been enjoying their newfound friendship. It's rare for her to find someone with similar life experiences that she can genuinely bond with,” an insider told us. 

We have to wonder what they discussed over dinner. 

——

Buzzfeed

January 1, 2023

Cheers to the New Year! 5 Celebrity NYE Parties You Wish You Attended. 

1.Forget Kim Kardashian—If you weren’t at this rising star’s NYE party, you weren’t living!

Attendees included fellow co-stars from her critically acclaimed show, cast and crew from her recently wrapped tennis-themed film, and Patrick Zweig, who she’s been spotted with a number of times. Are they our newest OTP? Vote for your favorite speculated couple in this poll here. 

——

Daily Mail

January 14, 2023

Method Acting? Two-time Emmy winner laughs with friends at Australian Open.

The television star, who hasn’t shown interest in the sport prior to her casting in her upcoming film, appeared to be relaxed and laid back with friends. Former tennis professional and new tennis consultant, Patrick Zweig, appeared to explain the ins and outs to her. The pair seemed particularly close as they shared concessions and laughter. 

Her team declined to comment. 

——

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

UPDATE: mother was spotted looking absolutely splendiferous at the Australian Open today. 

[alt text: queen with some of her friends and that tennis guy]

10:45 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanding

@popculturelvr9 awww she’s so cute

10:47 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

sage ❄️ - @sagingthetl

@lalalanding @popculturelvr9 and of course he’s just there

10:48 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

💐 - @zweignatorrr

@sagingthetl @lalalanding @popculturelvr9 can we please just be honest with ourselves and acknowledge that they’re together lol

10:51 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

sage ❄️ - @sagingthetl

@zweignatorrr @lalalanding @popculturelvr9 i mean yeah obviously they are but i don’t like him

10:55 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@sagingthetl fair but you have to admit they’re a cute couple 

10:55 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

sage ❄️ - @sagingthetl

@popculturelvr9 no i don’t

10:56 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

——

r/TennisGossip

u/makearacquet

AITA for shipping Patrick Zweig and that actress???

I just saw a very convincing timeline on Tumblr. They’ve been distracting me at the Open. Kinda cute if they’re actually dating. Really weird if they’re just friends.

⬆-45 ⬇

u/backhandedd

YTA for not posting about the actual Aus Open during the Aus Open.

⬆48 ⬇

——

TMZ EXCLUSIVE: PATRICK ZWEIG AND MYSTERY GIRL SPOTTED GETTING FRISKY IN ALLEYWAY

January 15, 2023

Looks like today's Australian Open winners weren’t the only ones who got lucky. 

TMZ obtained an exclusive photo of retired tennis player Patrick Zweig getting hot and bothered in Australia. Though we haven’t identified his mystery woman, there’s speculation around the woman being former fling and fellow retired player Tashi Duncan, who was also spotted at the Open, or a new coworker, who Zweig was spotted sitting next to yesterday.

Zweig’s team declined to comment. 

—-

Professional Mess Cleaner: Hello?

Professional Mess Maker: hi what’s up??

Professional Mess Cleaner: Don’t even what’s up me right now.

Professional Mess Cleaner: Are you serious?

Professional Mess Maker: yes lol what’s wrong

Professional Mess Cleaner: tmz.com/patrick-zweig-and-mystery-girl-spotted-getting-frisky-in-alleyway/02948289339

Professional Mess Cleaner: THIS IS WHAT’S WRONG!!!!!

Professional Mess Maker: shittttt

Professional Mess Cleaner: Is that all you have to say for yourself!!!??? 

Professional Mess Cleaner: I hope for both of our sakes that your stupid boyfriend is cheating on you.

Professional Mess Maker: rude

Professional Mess Cleaner: I’m going to fistfight you.

Professional Mess Cleaner: You’re lucky none of these pictures show your face because it definitely shows his hand up your skirt. 

Professional Mess Cleaner: You couldn’t wait a few hours to go somewhere private?????

Professional Mess Maker: i told him we should wait.

Professional Mess Cleaner: TELL HIM HARDER NEXT TIME

Professional Mess Maker: sorry :,(

Professional Mess Maker: patrick says he’s sorry too

Professional Mess Cleaner: Apology not accepted. Especially not his.

Professional Mess Cleaner: What happened to being an easy client??? Are you getting your rebellious phase now??? Are you gonna be doing drugs on the front page of TMZ next week???

Professional Mess Maker: obviously not???? 

Professional Mess Cleaner: This week then??

Professional Mess Maker: i am not on drugs!!!!!

Professional Mess Cleaner: I wouldn’t know by the way you’ve been acting lately!!!

Professional Mess Maker: you can’t even tell who he’s making out with pls unclench

Professional Mess Cleaner: Please share who else it would be. So someone else’s publicist can deal with it. 

Professional Mess Cleaner: And if you tell me to unclench again I will quit right this minute and let you deal with this yourself. 

Professional Mess Maker: the article does mention tashi duncan by name but not me

Professional Mess Maker: but you’re so right i’m so sorry we will do better next time 😇

Professional Mess Cleaner: You better, or there won’t be a next time.

Professional Mess Cleaner: I’m serious.

——

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

UNOFFICIAL UPDATE: this is definitely them making out lol

[alt text: patrick zweig making out with we know who]

10:51 AM 1/15/23 From Earth

ZWEIGNATORS - @zweignationupdates

@popculturelvr9 how romantic

10:53 AM 1/15/23 From Earth

💐 - @zweignatorrr

@popculturelvr that’s so invasive pls delete

10:58 AM 1/15/23 From Earth

—

@deuxmoi - 1/28/23

Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, please: ace

Email: lovelovelove@aol.com 

Subject: DEUCE

Message: this athlete and actress have been giving it their all to stay away from each other. they’re both pap magnets which is a nightmare for people trying to keep their relationship secret! we’ll see if they make it to valentine’s day.

—-

@deuxmoi - 2/14/23

SPOTTED - V-DAY EDITION

let’s see what your favorite celebs have been up to since last week

i saw patrick zweig in trader joe’s buying a bunch of flowers and chocolates.

anon pls

chivalry is not dead

—-

Blind Item #9

This newly critically acclaimed actress has run into some conflict with her otherwise smooth sailing secret relationship. He’s tired of staying quiet and she’s not ready to come forward. She really believes that bringing him as her plus-one to this major award show will heal all wounds. Only time will tell.

March 13, 2023

—

Buzzfeed

March 21, 2023

Our Top 20 Best and Worst Dressed at the 2023 Oscars

Not everyone can be a winner in this prestigious award show. Not everyone can be a winner when it comes to outfits, either. 

Best

9. This beautiful gown, which was worn by the talented Emmy winner, was only made better by the help of friend Patrick Zweig, who helped fix the train a number of times on the red carpet. 

—

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

UPDATE: THE QUEEN HAS ARRIVED AT CANNES FILM FESTIVAL

[alt text: mother looking resplendent while getting out of a car]

10:51 AM 5/15/23 From Earth

tara 🦋🐬 - @profhater

@popculturelvr9 she’s glowing!!!!!

11:00 AM 5/15/23 From Earth

🎬🎾 - @lalalanding

@popculturelvr9 i can’t wait for the first reviews of her movie

11:00 AM 5/15/23 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@lalalanding they’re saying this is gonna get her the oscar and i’m not even being delusional

[alt text: a review posted on instagram that says “she’s a powerhouse in this film and is arguably the emotional core of it. her performance is subtle, but moving. her physicality and delivery is like nothing i’ve ever seen before. definitely a contender for next year’s oscars.” the post was liked by her mom, her stylist, that tennis player, and thousands of others. ]

9:05 PM 5/15/23 From Earth

💐 - @zweignatorrr

@popculturelvr awww patrick is so cute for liking! such a supportive bf 🥹

9:38 PM 5/15/23 From Earth

🎬🎾 - @lalalanding

@popculturelvr9 @zweignatorrr we don’t care about that man

9:44 PM 5/15/23 From Earth

—-

@deuxmoi - 7/19/23

Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, please: double fault

Email: morelovelovelove@aol.com 

Subject: pen pals

Message: this athlete-actress couple whose relationship is an open secret are very sad to be parting ways. she’s going on a month long press tour and he’s staying behind. they have plans to meet up at a few locations, but she’d rather be with him than promoting her movie that’s getting SERIOUS oscar buzz.

—-

From: Gone Fishing (gonephishing@iclouud.org)             June 22

To: FishersPrice (fishersprice101@iclouud.org)

CC: BaitnSwitch (baitnswitch@iclouud.org) 

Subject: How many strokes?

Price & Bait, 

Remember how we logged into that tennis guy Patrick Zweig’s iCloud? More specifically, how he wasn’t able to fully kick us out??

You’d never guess what we just found.

Regards,

Fishy

From: FishersPrice (fishersprice101@iclouud.org)         June 22

To: GoneFishing (gonephishing@iclouud.org), BaitnSwitch (baitnswitch@iclouud.org) 

Subject: RE: How many strokes?

Please share.

Thanks,

Price

From: Gone Fishing (gonephishing@iclouud.org)               June 22

To: FishersPrice (fishersprice101@iclouud.org), BaitnSwitch (baitnswitch@iclouud.org) 

Subject: RE: How many strokes?

📎 TAPE

See attached. 

Regards,

Fishy

From: FishersPrice (fishersprice101@iclouud.org)           June 22

To: GoneFishing (gonephishing@iclouud.org), BaitnSwitch (baitnswitch@iclouud.org) 

Subject: RE: How many strokes?

Fuck. We’re gonna be millionaires. 

Thanks,

Price

——

TMZ

June 23, 2023

TMZ EXCLUSIVE: PATRICK ZWEIG SEX TAPE LEAKED… AGAIN!

Someone hasn’t learned his lesson.

The lengthy video also features a two-time Emmy award winning actress, although it didn’t seem like she was doing much acting (unless she’s better than we thought.)

The pair briefly talk and giggle before getting straight to business. The video is as sweet as it is hot— and though they’ve insisted they’re just friends, their breathy love confessions say otherwise. 

Both parties declined to comment. 

—--

ZWEIGNATORS - @zweignationupdates

was not expecting to see patrick’s racket on my tl first thing in the morning but ok. good morning i guess. 

9:34 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

nasty girl - @matchmyfreqk

@zweignationupdates sorry but like…... link 

9:36 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

ZWEIGNATORS - @zweignationupdates

@matchmyfreqk check dms

9:40 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

nasty girl - @matchmyfreqk

@zweignationupdates why was that kinda beautiful 

10:25 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

ZWEIGNATORS - @zweignationupdates

@matchmyfreqk that’s what i said! like the hand holding?? the love yous?? when he said he was gonna miss her?? i didn’t realize it was like that for them

10:36 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

—-

CLOSED - @popculturelvr9

not an update but please don’t send us or ask us to talk about the tape. it’s a gross violation of privacy and it is honestly none of our business. 

11:23 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

CLOSED - @popculturelvr9

@popculturelvr9 if you bring it up you will be blocked btw! 

11:23 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

@popculturelvr9 i swear it’s my whole timeline rn. i feel so bad for her

11:26 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

CLOSED -  @popculturelvr9

@lalalanded for it to happen right before the press tour is so bad. sending so many good vibes her way

11:26 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

@popculturelvr9 i’m sure it’ll blow over soon

11:28 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

—-

r/TennisGossip

🔴HOT TOPICS

The tape. Let’s talk about it.

u/sinkingships

Is it really any of our business? Stuff like this happens all the time and as far as sex scandals go this one’s quite tame

⬆-2 ⬇

u/Tennisfan233445

Upvote if that was one of the hottest things you’ve ever watched. Downvote if you’re a liar. 

⬆564⬇

u/NothingbuttNet

if this showbiz thing doesn’t work out i think they have a solid backup plan 👀

⬆339⬇

——

Your Fav Femininity Coach - @putmeincoach

This tape is a perfect example of why I always tell my clients not to mess with men who are above them. Super promising career down the drain over some guy.

12:02 PM 6/24/23 From Earth

User 16363627919 - @user16363627919

@putmeincoach Obviously you don’t know what you’re talking about Patrick Zweig is a fucking tennis legend and that girl is nothing.

12:34 PM 6/24/23 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

@putmeincoach @user16363627919 NOTHING???? how many prestigious awards do YOU have, User 16363627919?? i don’t think they give awards out for being a misogynistic loser

12:44 PM 6/24/23 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

@putmeincoach this is such a dramatic take lol everyone’s gonna forget about this in a week when something else happens 

12:44 PM 6/24/23 From Earth

Your Fav Femininity Coach - @putmeincoach

@lalalanded We’ll have to see. Still, you shouldn’t settle for someone who makes you act out of character like this

1:08 PM 6/24/23 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

@putmeincoach do you know her personally? not everything is so black and white and obviously they both consented and thought this would be private. 

1:41 PM 6/24/23 From Earth

—-

@deuxmoi - 6/25/23

Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, please: breakup

Email: goodbyelove@aol.com

Subject: Cumming and Going 

Message: Apparently, this former tennis star and actress are going their separate ways after an intimate video leaked. She’s worried about the damage it might do to her career and her ability to be taken seriously. He just wants her to be happy. Her publicist has been letting interviewers know that there will be no questions answered about the tape, but this will not be a fun press tour for her.

——

Blind Item #2

The damage has already been done for this athlete-actress pair. Still, she insists on suffering through a break up on top of this scandal. 

June 28, 2023

——

Blind Item #8

This retired athlete has received countless offers from the adult film industry in the last week. This scandal is somehow even more humiliating than his last five. He says he doesn’t care, but he does. A lot. 

June 28, 2023

——

Blind Item #11

She’s losing brand deals and partnerships left and right. If she makes it through the next week alive, let alone through her press tour, it’ll be a major miracle. 

June 28, 2023

——

DailyMail

June 30, 2023

Full of Regret: Actress spotted leaving her apartment with red-rimmed eyes

Just days after a scandalous tape was leaked, we’re receiving our first sign of life from the actress. 

According to insider DoorDash drivers, she has been a very frequent customer as of late, ordering comfort food and pints of ice cream and leaving very generous tips. 

She seemed to be waiting for the storm to blow over before reentering the public, but with her and her partner’s name trending on Twitter for the past several days, it seems unlikely that it’ll happen any time soon. 

——

Professional Mess Cleaner: Just checking in. How are you feeling today?

Professional Mess Maker: even worse than yesterday

Professional Mess Maker: i want to say something but i don’t know what

Professional Mess Cleaner: The gossip cycle has already started to move on, but if you really want to say something, I can draft up a response. 

Professional Mess Cleaner: The ball’s in your court ❤️

Professional Mess Maker: no more mention of balls please 

Professional Mess Cleaner: Sorry. Got it.

Professional Mess Maker: maybe you can just say something about not letting my own decisions impact the cast and crew who worked really hard to make the film happen

Professional Mess Maker: speaking of which, have you heard from patrick?

Professional Mess Cleaner: Do you want the truth or to protect your peace?

Professional Mess Maker: things can’t get any worse just give it to me straight 

Professional Mess Cleaner: I hear from him every few hours. He wants to know how you’re feeling. 

Professional Mess Cleaner: And if you’ll take him back. 

Professional Mess Maker: ugh

Professional Mess Cleaner: You know you don’t have to be separated if you don’t want to. The cat’s already out of the bag. A united front might be better for this kind of thing anyway. 

Professional Mess Cleaner: I know how much you care about him. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Professional Mess Maker: i’m not alone though <3

Professional Mess Cleaner: You know that isn’t what I mean.

Professional Mess Cleaner: He loves you. You should reach out to him.

Professional Mess Maker: i will

Professional Mess Maker: eventually 

——

Blind Item #6

Rumor has it that this pair, who were previously attached at the hip, haven’t said more than a few words to each other in months. That doesn’t mean the feelings stopped being there. 

September 15, 2023

——

DailyMail

September 27, 2023

Tension at the world premiere?

This weekend marked the world premiere of a film that has been generating a lot of Oscar buzz. The first reviews have been mostly positive, despite the very large elephant in the room.

The average onlooker couldn’t help but notice the physical distance between Zweig and the principal actress in the film during the premiere. Despite both being there, neither were photographed together throughout the entire event. The distance feels particularly charged, considering the pair made a movie of their own not too long ago. 

——

DailyMail

October 10, 2023

PATRICK’S NEW DOUBLES PARTNER?

Late this Thursday, Patrick Zweig was spotted leaving an intimate dinner with a female friend. This is the first time he’s been spotted since the leak of his now notorious sex tape. We would be remiss if we didn’t mention that the woman he was spotted having a romantic dinner with was not the same woman from the tape.

At least she knows what she’s in for.

——

DailyMail

October 12, 2023

Actress spotted on a date with ex-boyfriend

On Wednesday, the pair were seen holding hands as they walked through the park. 

She has not been spotted with her ex-boyfriend, who she starred in her prestige dramedy television with, for almost two years. Are these two getting back together? Or simply making amends?

——

@deuxmoi - 10/15/23

Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, please: rebounder

Email: tape@aol.com 

Subject: kiss and make up already!

Message: this broken-up couple, who have been making headlines for the most innocuous things following a rather romantic scandal, very obviously miss each other. their friends know it, their coworkers know it, even their ‘rebounds’ know it. they think the other person is better off without them in their life, but that’s simply not true. 

——

@deuxmoi - 11/8/23

Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, please: love

Email: tellingall@aol.com 

Subject: podcast

Message: i’m friends with a friend who knows the editor of a certain podcast that’s having a very highly anticipated guest do a tell-all about a scandal very soon. here are some of the things she addresses:

there’s nothing wrong with consenting adults doing consenting adult things—but you still need to be cautious

it’s nice to have some things for yourself but when you’re a public figure you don’t always get that

and finally…. she regrets how things played out in her relationship.

this should be a good episode. 

——

Blind Item #17

This DIY Filmmaker couple are FINALLY reconciling. They won’t be making any more home movies together anytime soon, but it seems like they’re picking right up where they left off. 

November 16, 2023

——

Buzzfeed 

December 5, 2023

Top 5 Dates to go on in New York City, According to our Favorite Celebs

3. The Brooklyn Botanic Garden

Following a major scandal and radio silence on the status of their relationship, these two were finally seen together in public at this garden. They both looked genuinely happy for the first time in months. If these two can make their rocky relationship work during a date like this, you can too. 

——

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9 

UPDATE: GUESS WHO MADE THE OSCARS SHORTLISTTTTTTTTTT

6:35 PM 12/22/23 From Earth 

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9 

UPDATE: the happy couple were spotted wearing matching ugly christmas sweaters today! i suspect they’re going to the annual christmas party she mentioned on Fallon. i hope they party hard and celebrate her making the shortlist!

8:21 PM 12/22/23 From Earth 

sage ❄️ - @sagingthetl

@popculturelvr9 ngl he’s growing on me!

8:25 PM 12/22/23 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9 

@sagingthetl i agree!

8: PM 12/22/23 From Earth

—

Blind Item #4

This athlete-actress couple have had quite the year. It’s only fitting that he proposed to her at the end of it. Expect to see more pictures of her hiding her hand in her pocket.

January 1, 2024

—

@deuxmoi - 1/2/24

SPOTTED - NEW YEAR EDITION

let’s see what your favorite celebs have been up to since last week

I served Patrick Zweig and his actress girlfriend at the diner I work at yesterday. They both looked very hungover and I’m 97% sure I saw her wearing an engagement ring. They were very sweet and left us a really big tip. 

—

r/TennisGossip

u/makearacquet

Has anyone checked up on Patrick Zweig and his girlfriend? I haven’t heard anything about them in kinda a while 

⬆13 ⬇

u/topspinbackspin

It’s so funny you say this. I have a friend who works for the production side of one of those really big entertainment magazines who does those roundtable for actors who are in talks for receiving awards. His girlfriend was just in one, and my friend told me that he was there and super supportive the whole time. Like, bringing her coffee the way she likes it, hyping her up during the photoshoot, and everything in between. Obviously we saw the worst of them a few months back, but they’re a pretty cute couple. I also heard somewhere that they’re engaged? But I don’t know if I believe it. 

⬆36⬇

—-

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9 

i’m shaking in my boots for the best actress announcement.

10:45 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

@popculturelvr idk i feel it in my bones she’s gonna win.

10:45 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9 

OMFG

10:55 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

OH MY GOD

10:55 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

cleo - @filmsn0b

NO WAY

10:55 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

sage ❄️ - @sagingthetl

I KNEW IT LETS GO

10:55 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

tara 🦋🐬 - @profhater

IM SHAKING

10:55 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9 

SHES OFFICIALLY AN OSCAR WINNER I FANT BREATHE

10:55 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

sage ❄️ - @sagingthetl

AWWWW THE KISS THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SM

10:56 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9 

i’m sorry i literally cannot process anything rn did she just say thank you to her FIANCÉ

10:57 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9 

guys this is way too much. 2 awards left for her EGOT AND she’s engaged??2?3):7.8 i’m malfunctioning

10:58 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9 

who would’ve thought that a random instagram mutual follow would get us here. omfg. i love love. 

10:59 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

[diorsluv]

feather , part 23

“ like a feather, like a feather, like a feather ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

( second post is based off of the request/ask “oh my god what if she doesn’t go to the lake house cause she thought luke and the girl were going to be there but the girl wasn’t there, so she went to a different place for the summer for no reason :(” )

( socialmedia!au )

yourusername

liked by dylanduke25, trevorzegras, _quinnhughes, and 104,680 others

yourusername i need these cakes and i need them now

view all comments

luca.fantilli is that charles leclerc 🤨

→ yourusername yes what about it

→ colecaufield oh god don’t remind her

→ jackhughes calm down cole it was lando norris not leclerc 🙄🙄

→ yourusername i would actually really appreciate it if you baked me a cake and put an edible photo of carlos sainz on it

→ trevorzegras first of all yourusername you’re delusional and he’s like 10 years older than you

→ yourusername incorrect but proceed 😒

→ colecaufield and also your obsession is getting scary

→ yourusername IT WAS A JOKEEEE 🙄

username36 wondering how luke feels about this

username17 i just know luke’s punching the air

username26 luke’s prob sayin “why am i not on those cakes”

username92 if i don’t get a cake like that i’m throwing hands

mackie.samo LMAOOO IS THAT EMINEM

→ yourusername shush thyself

→ mackie.samo what 💀

markestapa you’re desperate

→ yourusername STOP DRAGGING ME

→ markestapa you could do a lot better

→ yourusername A LOT BETTER THAN DYLAN O’BRIEN?? i beg to differ

rutgermcgroarty smash

→ yourusername #harrypotterdefender4life

→ rutgermcgroarty wasn’t talking abt him but yes queen he’s hot too!!!!

→ yourusername oh.. why r u speaking like that it’s kind of scary 😥😥

lhughes_06 they’re not that hot 🙄🙄

→ yourusername I’M SORRY WHAT????

→ lhughes_06 idk theyre mid tbh

→ yourusername check ur eyes kid

→ lhughes_06 ok lil buddy

→ yourusername ihy

→ lhughes_06 i love u too

→ jackhughes 👀

→ luca.fantilli 👀

→ _quinnhughes 👀

→ trevorzegras 👀

→ mackie.samo 👀

→ colecaufield 👀

→ rutgermcgroarty 👀

→ adamfantilli 👀

→ _alexturcotte 👀

→ dylanduke25 👀

→ markestapa 👀

→ jamie.drysdale 🤢

→ yourusername you guys need to stop doing this so much oh my god 😭😭

username15 yall all keep asking how luke feels but what abt the bigger question: ARE THOSE THE STURNIOLO TRIPLETS???

→ username7 okay but the biggEST question is: IS THAT GRIFFIN GLUCK?!?!?!

→ username55 i thought it was fucking white boy carl 💀 username7

trevorzegras i sorta approve of your taste in mid white boys

→ yourusername says the mid white boy

→ trevorzegras HEY ☹️

dylanduke25 “smash” means

→ dylanduke25 goddammit i didn’t mean to post without the definition

→ yourusername get ur definition shit AWAYYYYY 🤺🤺

→ markestapa dilf is an acronym for "dad i’d like to fuck". a dilf is any man (typically between the ages of 30-50) who is incredibly attractive and has kids. they are usually really cut, from activities such as pushing strollers, giving piggyback rides, and intense trips to the local park or disney world. the also have a killer smile and sense of childlike joy, because they play with their kids all the time. unfortunately, getting with them is hard, as they are typically very faithful to their wife (see milf).

→ yourusername that’s plagiarism ‼️‼️‼️

username11 the taste in men is immaculate

colecaufield now i don’t comment a lot on your posts anymore but i want you to REAAAAALLY think about what you’ve done here

→ yourusername i posted pictures of hot white men’s faces on cakes!

→ colecaufield yes yes and how do you think that might make other people (cough cough) feel?

→ yourusername grateful because i showed them these masterpieces 🤗🤗

→ colecaufield oh kid you’re hopeless

jamie.drysdale dad asked what dilf means

→ yourusername tell him it means “drake is literally fire”

→ jamie.drysdale too late he saw mark’s definition 😂😂😂

username46 draco malfoy 💚

missseraphina lmao fangirl

adamfantilli let’s split the cake in half

→ yourusername sure <33 you can get the part with the word on it and i can get everything else 🥰

colecaufield i’m surprised crosby isn’t somewhere on there

→ _alexturcotte goddammit whyd u bring it up

→ yourusername SID!!!!!!

→ jamie.drysdale she still has that pinterest album of ONLY pics of him

→ trevorzegras lil drizz u had a crush on him when you were like 5

→ yourusername we all had a crush on him 😒

_quinnhughes would now be a bad time to tell you he’s punching his pillow in the other room

→ jackhughes hey he made us promise to not snitch

→ _quinnhughes stop acting like we actually do what he tells us to do

→ jackhughes you’re right we never do that

→ lhughes_06 you snitched i’m telling mom

→ jackhughes mom doesn’t care ur such a baby

→ lhughes_06 fine i’m telling dad

→ _quinnhughes dad does not give a flying fuck

→ jackhughes dad wouldn’t even know what we’d be talking about

→ jackhughes actually scratch that moosey you’re really damn obvious

→ yourusername what the hell is going on

yourusername

liked by markestapa, _alexturcotte, dylanduke25, and 94,292 others

yourusername oui oui paris 🥖🎀 (creds to jamie for the pics ig)

view all comments

jamie.drysdale wow i’m so honored you remembered to give me creds

→ yourusername because we’re not allowed to argue on our trip 🤬

→ jamie.drysdale dad said and i quote “no squirreling”

→ yourusername what the fuck is squirreling

→ yourusername WAIT DO YOU MEAN QUARRELING 😭😭

→ jamie.drysdale yeah yeah so we can’t squirrel

→ yourusername it’s QUARREL

username88 mother is in her coquette era

username34 HOW DO YOU LOOK SO GOOD WITH A FACE MASK ON???

trevorzegras come backkkkkk wmy

→ yourusername no can do trev 😔

username21 hold up but i thought everyone was spending the summer at the lake house?

rutgermcgroarty but WE were supposed to go to paris together 🙁

→ yourusername no sweetie it was athens..

→ rutgermcgroarty either way it’s still in france

→ yourusername no…….. no its not 😭😭

→ rutgermcgroarty damn it i’m just trying to say you’re always going to OUR dream places with other people 😒

→ yourusername I WILL TAKE YOU TO JEJU ISLAND I PROMISE

→ rutgermcgroarty is that in europe

→ yourusername 😟

_quinnhughes it’s so weird not hearing you badly scream-sing in the shower at 2 in the morning

→ yourusername oh shut up you love my hamilton marathons

adamfantilli you should be the one wiping out on the wakeboard not me 😔😔

→ yourusername wow i feel sooooo missed

→ adamfantilli we do miss u tho (PLEASE COME BACK WE NEED YOU)

username2 wait why didn’t you go to the lake house 😟😟

→ yourusername jamie and i didn’t feel like getting harassed 💔

→ username2 BY WHOOOOO??

→ username2 actually that’s a dumb question i know who

username75 this is the first summer they haven’t spent at the lake house 😧

luca.fantilli don’t worry lil drizzle we bought u two tickets so u can come back 😁

→ yourusername noooooo

mackie.samo you need to come back rn no excuses

markestapa WE NEED TO TAKE OUR ANNUAL GROUP PIC 😕

edwards.73 duker almost burnt the house down please we need you back

jackhughes NO ONES EVEN HERE PLEASE JUST COME BACK

→ yourusername thought my cyberbully was going 😣😖☹️🙁😓😥

→ jackhughes LMFAOOO as if

→ yourusername i’ll consider it 🙄

_alexturcotte our karaoke nights are so boring without youuuu

→ yourusername you can solo our mariah carey songs trust 🙏🙏

→ _alexturcotte NO I CANT

→ yourusername turcs we booked our hotel for 3 weeks i can’t do anything 😭😭

dylanduke25 i almost burnt the house down making waffles

→ yourusername oh duker..

username24 the way they’re all begging her to go back to the lake house lmao

missseraphina it’s giving nepo baby

liked by yourusername

→ username1 LMAOAOAO at this point drizz is just clowning this bitch

lhughes_06 i need you here

this comment has been deleted

lhughes_06 we need you here

next chapter notes ) so regarding the request; i wasn’t sure if it was like a request or more of just a thought but i felt like it could add more angst so i took it as a request anyways 🤍 i also wanted to say that the time between the first and second post was a bit of a jump but like let’s just say the first post was during finals week and the second one was obv during the summer and WE ARE FINALLY IN ACT IV WOOOOOOO 👏👏👏 also thank you all so much for 300 followers AHHHH!! it genuinely does mean so much to me and i’m glad you’re here on my journey to stir up more shit between luke and “his” girl

tags: @aliaology @hockeyboysarehot @absolutelyhugh3s @jackquinnswife @freds-slut @love4ldr @blueeyedbesson @43hughes @v1olentdelights @dancerbailey3 @random-human02 @ho3forfakeguys @loveforaugust

[cottoncandyhairedrgodess]

OKK SEASON 2 CHAOS THEORY PICS LETS GOOOO

thank you jwct crew!!

I can’t really analyze that much out of the new pics they gave us

BUT we can see they all ditched the jackets - which could probably be cuz it’s humid or hot but it’s also likely they used it to patch up something (like they did for the bathing suits and the boat)

at first i thought they were at an island again (GIVE THEM A BREAK) but the boat prob took them to another country or something. I don’t get why going back to isla nublar would work with the plot we have so far (unless maybe the boat went there because of the labs?)

i also thought when i first saw it that they got an outfit change and was like “yay new outfits!!” but apparently not which also leads me to think that wherever the boat took them is where they’re gonna be for most (maybe even all of the season)

WHICH BRINGS US TO THE OTHER PIC

They all definitely have different reactions towards this person so I’m gonna write the way it looks to me

Darius : He’s the only one not looking at the person and instead looking at the weapon? Which makes me think that this isn’t their first reaction of whatever this is (ik that sounds confusing imma explain it again later.) Darius’s face also looks kinda confused and a little shocked? Which is interesting to me

Sammy: she looks scared. Terrified even. Someone also says she looks betrayed which i can def see. This reaction is also a lil confusing to me because most of the other times someone was threatening them she a determined look or was ready to kick them but she looks horrified in this so huh

yaz: she looks shocked not rlly scared like Sammy but just shocked. She doesn’t have as much as a strong reaction as the others (except Ben) she looks suprised but why isn’t she as scared or angry as the others?

kenji : his reactions probably the easiest to red since he’s angry 💯 but why is he angry?? Yes the obvious answer is that someone’s threatening to attack them but everyone else isn’t as angry maybe he knows them? Also something else I noticed that his mouth is a little open so he’s probably saying something - side note why is kenjis face so triangular 😭

ben: honestly his face is prob the hardest to read because of how neutral it is?? Like obviously it’s not fully blank or calm but it’s def more neutral than the others. He looks a little wary maybe and a little angry like kenji. Honestly idk but he def isn’t happy or bursting with joy I can tell you that

okay so that was all the reactions I got from them in that picture

NOW ADRESSING SOME THEORIES I HEARD AND MY THEORIES

So I already saw people saying it could be Brooklyn which I can see but at the same time also not? like #1 why is Brooklyn holding a weapon against them (unless she’s going through her evil arc lmao #2 wouldn’t they all be shocked or happy even? But that also leads into the thing I was saying before that this might not be their first reaction

and what I meant by not first reaction is not that this isnt the first time they saw this person (it could be tho) but that this is a few secs in or something into the scene when they encounter this person. Like it could be long enough that most of their initial shock or happiness is gone and now their like why is Brooklyn trying to attack us and if it was this then the reactions would prob make sense like Sammy’s betrayed face and kenji being angry

GODDAMN I JUST REALIZED HOW LONG THIS IS OMG

sorry, continuing on to another theory

it could also be the uncanny raptor girl maybe?? (She’s called the handler right?) but then again I don’t think so because first of all she doesn’t attack them directly and wouldn’t come so close and usually attacks with her raptors so it wouldn’t make sense if she was the one holding the weapon

This brings us to my final theory-ish (more of an idea) of today which is that it’s someone that they know (even if it’s not Brooklyn) because of the way their reacting because honestly if it’s only one person then they have strength in numbers like?they shouldn’t be so scared or angry if it’s only one person who’s a bitch and trying to kill em. Maybe it’s someone kenji or Sammy know based on them having the strongest reactions out of the group (someone from mantah corp?) or maybe it could be someone from jwcc, maybe it’s even someone who we thought was dead and isn’t actually dead

so to sum it all up, for the second pic I think the person holding the weapon is someone they already knew due to all their reactions

KUDOS TO ANYONE WHO READ ALL THIS 😭

[heavenlyraindrops]

♱ Father Forgive Me (For I have Sinned) ~Chapter Twenty Six ~FINALE ♱

Lucifer Morningstar x Angel!Reader Fandom: Hazbin Hotel Chapter Twenty Six Warnings: profanity How to find the other chapters in my pinned post.

♱Where the purest soul in Heaven falls for the Devil♱

[Chapter Twenty Six]

“[name]! Dad!” Charlie adjusted her bow, as you and Lucifer appeared in the hotel lobby. You cleared your throat, smiling nervously as she approached. 

“Charlie,” Lucifer said smoothly. He looked at you. “This is [name]. You’ve met.”

“Yes.” Charlie looked at you apologetically. “Look, I’m so sorry for what Alastor did. I don’t really know-“ she waved her hands around, “-the basics of the… situation, but I am sorry.”

“Whatever he did isn’t yours to apologize for,” you reassured her, and she smiled weakly. 

“Yes, well…” Lucifer looked around, face expressionless. “Where is he, exactly?”

Charlie laughed nervously. “Dad…”

“I’m just asking.”

“Don’t do anything, please?”

He didn’t say anything.

“Look, Alastor is still useful to the hotel! And… you know how he is.” She looked at you. “I mean, how was he meant to know- I mean, he always does this, right? He likes to stir up drama.”

You frowned. She was making sense.

Alastor didn’t know of anything prior to your fall. He couldn’t have. All he saw was a frazzled girl to take advantage of and pit against his rival. 

“This doesn’t mean you should forgive him,” Charlie said quickly. “It’s just, this hotel is about second chances. Consider this his second chance?”

“Redemption was his second chance,” you said stiffly, crossing your arms. Charlie looked dejected, but Lucifer cut in quickly.

“I won’t try and hurt him, Apple Pie.”

You both exchanged a look. 

You went over to the couch, where Angel Dust was strewn out, his limbs draped over the sides as he scrolled on his phone. He looked up at you. 

“Hey.” He sat up quickly. “[name].”

You gave him a wan smile, sitting down. “It’s been a while, huh?”

“I wouldn’t say that long.” He shuffled up the couch, drawing up his legs to make more space. “Sure does feel like a while, though.”

You hummed in agreement. “Say, where’s Alastor?”

Angel sat up straighter. “I betcha he’ll be out in a minute. Still sulking from that ass-kickin’ ya gave him.”

You both fell silent, and your phone pinged. You pulled it out to see Velvette’s number on your screen, a photo attached. You clicked on it. 

A selfie, her lips pushed together in a pout. In the background, Valentino was screaming at a very fed-up looking Vox.

The caption read: he got cancer in his balls. u ok now? xoxo 

A small laugh bubbled last your lips as you typed out your answer:

I’m fine now. Is that even possible with demons?

Her reply came immediately. idk. i dont think it’ll kill him tho :( he’ll prob just live w it forever. glad ur ok babes

“Angel,” you said, straightening up. He looked at you expectantly. “Valentino has testicular cancer.”

His lips stretched into a grin. “Seriously? Like, cancer in his dick?”

You snorted. “Yeah.”

You both burst into a fit of laughter, so much so that you didn’t notice when a static buzzing filled the air. You froze, looking up. 

“Alastor,” Angel said flatly.

Alastor smiled, although it was shaky, upon seeing you. “[name]!” He laughed, taking a sudden step back as you stood up, clenching your fists. Your nails cut into your palms. “What a pleasant surprise. I’m glad you’re alright after that unnecessary scuffle outside.”

“You…” your lip curled. “I’m gonna fucking kill you.”

You vaguely registered Charlie shouting desperately: “[name], no!” As you lunged towards him, forcing him down, hands closing around his neck. 

-

“You never fixed the window,” you remarked.

Lucifer looked at you, fondness still written all over his features as you picked your way around the empty room, careful not to step on any glass pieces. “It’s just the same,” you murmured. “This room.”

He stepped towards you, slipping his hand around your waist. “It is.”

It had been a week since you’d both left the hotel, no explanation given to any of the residents, instead replaced with an open, rather violent altercation with Alastor in the lobby. Charlie was certain Alastor had made a mistake, in his lust for “entertainment”, and hadn’t known the gravity of the situation. She was certain that he deserved a second chance. 

Despite all this, you’d still given him a beating that would keep him battered for at least a week. And on his toes around you for the rest of his afterlife. 

The light from the city filtered in, glinting off of the jagged remnants of the window pane, and bathed you and Lucifer both in red light. 

He turned to you. “[name].” You looked at him.

He sank down to one knee.

You stumbled back, hands flying to your mouth. “L-luci…”

“[name], me and you… we’ve known each other for so long. There’s been ups and downs- a lot of downs-“

You could feel tears springing to your eyes.

“But in the end, we’re still together.” He took in a deep breath. “Sometimes I was worried that it wasn’t meant to be- we were too far apart, too many bad things were happening to you, just because you were with me, but now…” 

He pulled out a small box.

“I know that’s wrong.”

A small golden ring glinted in the red light.

“[name], will you marry me?”

You stared at him in shock, knees going weak. “Yes. Oh my- yes!” 

He laughed, exhilarated and relieved as he stood up again to sweep you up in an embrace. You buried your face in his shoulder. “I love you,” he murmured against your skin. You pulled away, tears now freely streaking down your face as you looked at him. 

“I love you too,” you replied, and he took your hand, sliding the ring on. It fit perfectly. 

He grasped both your hands in his, looking at you, eyes brimming with adoration. You leaned over, pressing your lips against his. 

He let out a surprised noise, hands snaking around your waist as you cupped his cheek, both your lips moving together. You kissed him until you couldn’t breathe, until you pulled away, panting slightly. 

“I love you,” he repeated, as if saying it once wasn’t enough. You gave him a tearstained smile. 

“I love you too.”

-end-

[jackfrombaskinrobbins]

road trip as a teenage avenger headcanons!

type of writing: headcanons / scenario

word count: 1k

request: yes / no

dynamic: avengers x teen!reader (teenage avenger series)

characters: lots ofc but i'd say big emphasis on reader (duh), harley keener, peter parker, miles morales, scott lang, clint barton, bucky barnes, sam wilson, tony stark, happy hogan, natasha romanoff, and bruce banner. more are prob in it but i don't wanna type it all out lol

a/n: y'all i think my pictures are getting more chaotic & tbh i think it's a good thing anyways requests are still open, send in an ask whenever :)

taglist: @nutellani @thecloudedmind

(fill out this form to be on my taglist!)

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it was an annual tradition for the avengers to go on a road trip.

steve always said it was "team bonding". it was honestly kind of fun.

better than the other "team bonding" you did, which mainly consisted of running long distances!!

anyways, they usually would do it soon after you, harley, peter, and miles finished school (also yes im including miles now bc i love him)

tony would come over the intercom while you all were lounging around and tell you to pack your bags.

packing is always a big issue.

let's just say that SOME people are big overpackers...

COUGH scott COUGH

no offense to him but like ppl have had to sit in the trunk before because of him

and he overpacks with stuff that rly doesn’t make sense

like once y’all went to colorado

and he packed snorkeling equipment

and so you were like “scott. seriously?”

and he looked at you with such a serious face

“y/n. what if all the snow melts? then we would be underwater!! i have an extra snorkeling mask too. i was gonna give it to you, but now idk….”

HAHA

bruce overpacks too

but he overpacks in a good way

guys bruce is like the mom on vacation

well him and tony both

you’d think steve would be but he is NOT

like the man doesn’t even wear sunscreen

and then here comes bruce with a tote bag full of snacks

which tony eats half of by the way

smh

the best part of having thor on a trip is that he will ALWAYS pick you up if you’re too tired

like once he had you and peter under both his arms like footballs bc u got tired

and clint was sad bc he was tired too

he tried to get scott to pick him up but scott wasn’t ready and they both fell and they like hit their heads

that was an interesting day

ok so setting the scene again

you, peter, harley, miles, natasha and bruce were in the middle of a very competitive round of uno

like y’all

competitive doesn’t even begin to cover it

anyways you were about to get uno

FR

you put down your card and suddenly 

“HEY EVERYBODY” “SHHH you’re being too loud” “ohh sorry HEY EVERYBODY”

you started laughing at the quite obvious blunders of thor and clint in the intercom room

“thor, buddy? you don’t need to be kissing the mic when you speak, alright?”

tony, from another room, always quick with the jabs.

“AH! MY BAD STARK. HAHA! THIS MUST BE BETTER”

natasha just shook her head but you and peter, harley and miles were DYING

“ANYWAYS IT IS ROAD TRIP TIME. EVERYONE PACK UP AND BE IN THE FAMILY ROOM IN TEN MINUTES… what? MY MISTAKE. ONE HOUR. THAT’S RIGHT ONE HOUR.”

with that done, you all got up, groaning.

“uno.” natasha smirked at you, noticing that you only had one card.

“darn it!!!” you said. “well, doesn’t matter now. we have to go anyways.”

“we can always resume it later, y/n :) “ 

“fine, nat. but i’m going to win this time!! right bruce??”

“well, kid, you know i’m usually on your side, but…”

“aw, come on!!”

ok fast forward. 

you were in the family room

aw guys isn’t that cute that they call it a family room

bc ur a family

awwwwww

ok anyway

and here comes scott with his fifty bags

“relax sharpay, we’re not gonna be gone for THAT long”

guys i wanted a cool tony nickname and tbh i just remember vaguely that sharpay had like suitcases on the cover of her movie i never even watched it so i could be wrong but that was my intention

“tony, these are my essentials.”

“scott, why don’t you just shrink that down? like seriously, man.” miles remarked, and you couldn’t help but agree.

“hey, y’know what? that’s a great idea miles!!”

and so he ended up shrinking his luggage

but then he couldn’t find it

oh scott

sigh

anyways tony and happy did a lot of car assignment work

to make sure everyone would get there safely

and your car

was

drum roll please

ok also this was only for the trip there

the trip back would be different

ok the car was

tony, happy, clint and peter

tbh this was not a bad car at all

poor miles and harley were stuck with scott, bucky, sam and steve

natasha and wanda and pietro and thor were the other one

although here’s the issue

guys

fr

tony is a bad driver

but happy didn’t feel like driving

and u were just starting to drive so clint was like “NO WAY do i trust y/n in a car!!!”

that goofy clown fr

so tony was driving

oh and btw y’all were going to the compound

tony told you and you were like 

“dude, that’s not a road trip”

and he was like “we’re in the car for more than an hour. it’s a road trip, kid.”

and miles and harley kept texting like theorizing about where u were going

harley said europe

and you were like

harley

anyways ya 

so tony is like swerving and speeding everywhere 

ok maybe thats dramatic

but happy was holding the little bar

and he was like yelling at tony to slow down

meanwhile clint is just singing along to the music thats BLASTING

and u and peter are ready to accept ur deaths

like u literally texted sam a video of what was happening and he almost called happy to tell him to pull over 😭 

sam’s got ur back thats for sure!!

anyways tony pulled into a drive thru

bc he needed coffee

guys hes tony stark he needs stuff like that

and he got u and peter and clint happy meals :D

and clint was so excited like 💀 

love him

happy made sure u and peter had ur seatbelts on 

he said it was bc he didn’t want to have to explain to midtown why yall didnt come back for the next year 😭 

that and “too much paperwork”

smh

anyways tony finally got it together

u and peter decided that he just needed an acoustic song on the radio bc as soon as something more relaxing came on he was a lot better lol

the rest of the drive was pretty alright

i'm gonna do another headcanon set about the avengers actually on vacation but yeah there ya go :)

thats how the road trips work yahoo

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[hyunsvngs]

skz ot8 ass, tits or thigh guys?

i gotchu.

ass

chan - oh yeah he’s an ass guy through and through. it makes my spidey senses tingle. that man LOVES ass, ass on his face, ass on his cock, he doesn’t care. would definitely rim you i’m sorry

minho - idk if i need to explain this realistically. you would have to restrain this man to get him off of your ass. he is not going anywhere. my guy is feral. he’d probs LOVE to slide a thumb or a finger in there while fucking you.

changbin - changbin loves ass. big, small, perky, he does not care. it’s an ass, and it’s on YOU, and he’s whipped. he will love your ass no matter what size. definitely takes you to the gym and pops a boner watching you squat. you get one squat done then he’s taking you home

tits

jisung - jisung IS A TIT GUY IF I EVER DID SEE ONE. jisung loves sucking on pretty nipples, loves tits in his face, tits on his cock, anywhere. he would LOVE titfucking. i honestly think he would go feral for it and the sucking nipples part would 110% satisfy an underlying mommy kink

jeongin - tits. tits r just jeongin’s thing ygm. he wants them all over him. he’d love to get them slick with his spit, just spitting and drooling all over them while he makes you ride them. playing with them with his long fingers.. he’d go insane

thighs

hyunjin - he’s cumming on your thighs everytime you fuck. LOVES seeing you in an expensive little skirt (versace LMFOA) and loves seeing that curve of where your ass and thigh meet. GARTERS AND HEELS FOR THJS GUY 100%. ITS SUCH AN AESTHETIC THING FOR HIM

felix - a thigh guy but in a different way. he wants you in pretty thigh highs, thighs all clenched for him. if you have thicker thighs and it overflows the cute socks a bit? he is going to bite you. if they’re smaller and fit all snug? he is going to bite u. wants to eat u all up tbh.

seungmin - he definitely appreciates both aesthetics. he’d love to see you act like a brat for him, squirming in pretty white thigh-highs. also, he’d also like to see you with thigh garters on, spreading your legs wearing heels to show him you’ve got nothing on your pussy underneath your skirt. it’s such a power move for him, defiling his girl’s thighs while she’s all dressed up <3

♡ juno

[issacballsac]

“Attempting to be Friends with Vergil Sparda„

Honestly he’d never outright call you his friend💀 ! Gn Demon Reader

Origins | DMC3

Let’s be FR he wouldn’t care abt your gender or lack there of he still sees you as lesser than

You’d have to be a Devil or half Devil to even linger around him

Im seeing you just come from Hell to be friends with him🦀

Naturally like any of the devils in DMC3 u were originally gonna attack Vergil bc NPC does what NPC is supposed to do

But you have common sense a pretty mf with a sword is bad news so let’s be friends dear beautiful one

Bear with me right—all ur demon gang gets slaughtered by this mf and you’re just standing there watching fascinated absolutely entranced by this mf

Seeing as you’re the last obstacle he points that big ass katana at you

“Sorry I just can’t fight someone so beautiful man.”

Gives you the MEANEST side eye

Still tries to HARM you and succeeds—but like you regenerate 💀

Mf would let out the BIGGEST sigh and just walk away🪦

You follow ofc bc who wouldn’t (a mf who wants to live 💀)

Bonding

Me when might controls everything 🫦

Despite being a demon yourself you def would try to convince him to NOT open the portal

Bc lets be FR them other devils ain’t shit for nothin‼️

He constantly looks annoyed and has a mean case of resting bitch face

He’s very stand-offish and depending on how long/well you know each other he’ll listen to what you’re sayin

Especially if ur a person that likes to go on rants

DMC3 he’d be more open to a mf who has no attachments as seen during the scene where he stabbed Arkham

New to friendship and sees everything as a transaction

You give me this and I give you that typa thing

Would take FOREVER to tell you abt his childhood and by the time he does u pretty much already know bc of Dante

Would get along better if ur also half demon rather than full demon as he has a complex where he continuously tries to rid himself of his humanity

Bros on a MISSION so u gotta be able to keep up

Obviously being demon/half demon you got some power but if you’re weak he’s gonna drop you I’m sorry 💀(no I’m not)

Daily

Doesn’t celebrate his birthday

Just in general regardless of his childhood I just don’t think he’d like to

So no surprise parties please🫶

Now don’t get me wrong he IS smart but like also a dumbass💀

Constantly makes you think bc he’ll say smth so stupid but make it sound so smart

A very dramatic mf

Always makes dramatic entrances no matter where he goes

Walks into McDonalds with his blue coat flowing, snowlike hair, glistening eyes, arched eyebrows, and a judgmental look

Baby let ur hair down🫦

Bro is effortlessly breathtaking and if u ask for tips or question what he does for his routine he looks you up and down, scoffs, and leaves💀

I NEED MORE POWER

Spars with you bc luckily you can regenerate

Infinite punching bag

Love a reader with no shame(me acting like I didn’t write this)

Idk why but I feel like he can play the piano as just like a pastime thing

When trapped in Hell u just roam around y’know bc you’ve lived there for as long as you can remember 😭

Vergil is in a constant search for more power and ur just chillin watching him

Like those mfs who still calmly sip on their drinks when there is a bar fight

“Woohoo! Go Vergil you’re doin’ great!”

“Shut up!”

He loves you, I promise.

Talks shit abt Dante, lovingly ofc

After the events of DMC5 if he were to come back with Dante(ambiguous ending)

Y’all would prob live together

And they were roommates 😨

FR tho it’s like weird especially with Nero being recognized as his son

“Nero is my son?”

“You have a son?”

“I didn’t know..”

“How did you not know?”

Becomes more vocal during the friendship during/after the events of DMC5

He doesn’t see the need for an abundance of clothes so if ur into fashion your ideas fill 98% of his wardrobe

Honestly I think he can cook

More of a baker methinks

He probably wouldn’t like sweets but he’ll certainly make them himself

No I’m not going to make a berries delight joke.