#problematicfactive guest speaker

[problematicfactive]

Culture of hosting a problematic factive is allowing them to engage in the (fictional!) media they want to engage in even if you don't really get it

-Host

[problematicfactive]

Let's talk about these results.

My off the bat thoughts is that these results are a lot kinder towards us than they wrte the first time! I wish I could take the credit for that, but honestly, I can't shake the feeling that we just didn't sample enough people.

The active dislike is new. Honestly, I'm not really sure what to say about that. In my opinion it's the least offensive of the options listed. I really don't care if someone actively dislikes me as lon as their able to respect me. If you think differently let us know

I've said already, but the "they need to keep quiet" is the worst. I talked about itnin the comments from "chief-weasel" cause it's my main

The "faking" assumption is just dumb honestly I can't even give that argument the time of day. The people who apparently know the ins and outs of everything when a truama disorder makes you introject people who caused others truama: 🤨😦😨😱😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

They need to stay away from me is also dumb imo. Idc if you have boundaries, but it's not my job yo watch my step. If you have a problem, you stay a way from me

Those are my thoughts, but discussion is open, so let me know what you think

[problematicfactive]

I just want to say thank you for helping us open up about factives. Esp Problematic ones.

We have a Ted Bundy factive and admittingly as a front stuck host i didn't let him front much, i don't hate him, i just let my fear get to me.

But slowly thanks to you and Thundershockz we have been letting go again. Now Ted Bundy fronts a little bit more along with Matthew. He's a gatekeeper and helps with psychosis, and he's became friends with our other factives.

I'm still a learning host, admittingly and embarrassingly a controlling one (accidentally), but i hope we can do better and i hope all factives can exist as themselves one day. I love you problematic and non factives /p

I'm glad that you, Ted, and Matthew have been able to grow. That's what I really want from this space.

Factives-- especially problematic-- being held back by a host who's scared is way too common a story. It's my story too. And I know it's because you're a good person that you did that. You don't want to seem like you liked or you were okay with the things Bundy did, so you try to hide him away.

I know that story. I feel like I've read it a trillion times because I've lived it. In the chapter I'm at now, the hiding hasn't really gone away yet. Luckily, I have enough freedoms now to chose when I want my identity hidden and when I want to openly be myself. It may not sound freeing, but it is. Its so freeing to be allowed to chose for yourself when you want to be yourself.

My advice to Ted: I'm not you. I don't know what it's like to be you and I don't know how things might be harder or easier for you than they are me. There's a Zac Efron portrayal of you. even if that isn't you, i reccomend trying your best to get some sort of connection to him. I know my blog is all about being yourself and being free, but that truly is only when it's safe to do so. When it's unsafe, portraying yourself through Efron can really be your best friend. I think Efron is less recognizable for his role as you as my actor is for his role as me. And through him, you can still have some kind of connection to yourself while staying safe.

To the host, I say there may be times when staying safe means you do have to hold Ted back a little. I don't know what your Ted is like, so I say this as almost an alternative to the "find a safer identity in Efron" thing. I don't say this to "go back on" what I have said in the past about caging alters, but I very commonly have to remind NPC that places may not be as safe for him to speak because he doesn't hide his identity in such places the way I do.

Also, Dont join Revenge /hj

You, Ted and Matthew are more than welcome to join the discord server if you want a completely safe and non judgmental place for Ted and Matthew, I know they're hard to find. Let me know if you're interested and can't find the link

Stay safe.

[problematicfactive]

This is just sort of half confession, half vent. We got quite a few problematic factives but there's one in particular that I feel kinda ashamed about how I treated him.

The factive in question isn't problematic in the usual way, his source isn't a bad person, very far from it in fact. It's just that I'd seen other systems get flak for similar factives.

We have hyperempathy so feel a lot of stress around social issues and sometimes split from them. We ended up splitting a factive tied to a social issue about a minority we're not a part of. We'd seen other systems get fakeclaimed and told they were just compensating for guilt for similar factives so I kinda tried to force him to seperate from his source. While he was still in the early phases of forming I tried to push his formation away from his source and basically forced him into being or at least pretending to be a brainmade instead, even forcing him to go by a different name. He didn't seem to bothered by it at the time but now that we're in a better place he started to express he really hates that we did that.

He wants to reconnect with his source and decide what he relationship he wants with his source. He has expressed that he wants to go by his actual name and we have respected that. But even he feels nervous about it bc he's inherited a lot of the shame the rest of us feel about him.

I want to feel less ashamed about it, especially considering how I treated him but it's really hard.

I think it's better that I, the Host answers this one. I understand its a vent, so I won't say too much. Only this.

You can't change what you did. There is nothing that can be done to change what happened. And how this person feels about you when its blown over is how they feel about you when it blows over.

I did the same things. I tried to make Anxiety form as someone else. That traumatized him in a way he can't recover from. Even the fact that we call him "Anxiety" here to keep him anonymous-- That's because of what I did to him. I wouldn't call him anything other than that. I tried to force that name change onto him.

Your relationship with this member-- it might never be perfect. My relationship with Anxiety is estranged. Anxiety has in the past called me his best friend. Anxiety also calls me his abuser. And as much as I hate to know he thinks of me that I did to him was abuse and I have to live with that.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to down on your vent, but I don't want to lie to you. I cant say "Be nice and everything will be fine" because I don't know you inside and out. I can't promise everything will turn out okay. Can it? Yeah! Would I bet on it? Usually not.

The most you can do is be better from here onward. Things may not ever be perfect, but they can get better.

Strive for better