#probably won't post any new works for the next couple hours either

[osaemu]

It’s like so late where I am but I don’t wanna go to bed for fear of you posting anything, Im down BADDDDDD for any kind of Gojo your offering

anon 😭😭 go to sleep i won't post the streamer!gojo fic for a while dwww

[candiid-caniine]

This is probably a stupid question, but I wanted to check anyway

This question pertains to AFAB anatomy

How do you deal with soreness after edging so much? I'm a week or so deep into denial now, but I run into the issue that I can't edge more than once a day because a) it takes me a long time to reach the edge, and b) the stimulation makes me sore and then the rest of the day and the next day it hurts to touch too much. (Like I *can* edge more but it's painful and takes 5x as long.)

Do you have any advice? Am I being stupid and missing a key component? ...am I supposed to use lube?

I really want to be fucking ruined and barely able to function with how edged I am- at least for a few days before I go back to normal haha.

Thank you in advance!

not a stupid question at all! so, my first advice is gonna be lube. if you don't get very wet, using bottled lube is good; mucous membranes, like the ones in your vagina and on your clitoris, don't really like to get dried out.

from hereon out in this post, remember that you're not doing anything "wrong." bodies are very strange things, and there's no one-size guide to edging, masturbation, or anything involving pleasure; if nothing in this post works for you, your body is not broken, it's just different, and no matter how you end up doing things, it's right for your body <3

my second advice depends on your situation. every single body is different; some people don't have very sensitive clitorises, they may take a long time to reach the edge no matter *what* you try, or even certain medications may alter your libido, sensitivity, and orgasms. here are some things that might be the root of the issue:

not enough stimulation. if you want to be able to hit the edge faster, and edge repeatedly, but your fingers just aren't doing it, try using a vibrator if that option is available to you. for me, edging with my fingers is a little slower, but it affects me more and makes me dumber and needier faster than edging with a vibrator.

too much stimulation. it's possible you're using a vibrator exclusively, and have been for awhile; vibrators eventually desensitize you, but the good news is this is quickly reversible! if you've been using a vibrator exclusively, and it's become harder/slower to reach the edge, you may need to take some time to re-sensitize yourself.

if your situation is the first one, and even a vibrator doesn't help you reach the edge faster, you might try this:

remove the objective to "hard edge" in every session. you can be an edgepet even if you're not having hard edges! try to just focus on keeping yourself horny and excited.

you might try just playing with your clit for a few minutes every hour or so, whatever fits your situation - don't try to make the goal a hard edge, just focus on how it makes you feel horny and needy.

try your chest, too, if your nipples are sensitive at all. a side note here: they may not be sensitive *unless* you're horny - many people don't think their chests are sensitive until they're stimulated at the *right time.*

if it's the second, and you need to re-sensitize yourself, my advice is largely the same:

you won't be able to hard-edge right away, most likely. the goal is essentially to cut out the vibrator for right now. so again, the hard edge is not the goal - it's to get your clitoris reacquainted with softer touches.

you might do this by stepping down your vibe settings, if it's possible; it won't be satisfying. it won't get you to a hard edge. but eventually you'll get back there.

or you might just go cold-turkey and play with your fingers only for awhile. for me, it takes no more than a couple days for a "tolerance break" to work and i'm suddenly able to hard-edge with my fingers again.

in either situation, i've got this post saved on my other blog that's interesting to me. (tw: it's targeted at "girls" and uses some weird vocab (like the word "cummies" lmao, as well as referring to female subs as "c*nts")) but the advice in it sounds plausible to me. i haven't tried it in full detail yet, but it does seem in line with my experiences re-sensitizing myself and getting used to edging. if you want to avoid having to read that kind of language, here's my summarized/reworded version:

reduce the number of orgasms to increase sensitivity (doesn't necessarily apply here since it's denial you want anyway)

limit the time you rub - the author recommends starting with 5 minutes. either you reach an edge/orgasm or you don't (most likely), with 1 minute minimum of no touching afterwards. every week or so, he says to slowly decrease the time. after a few months, the goal is about 15 seconds, max (!!!)

most importantly, he says to rub very gently. his advice is very light circles with the fingertip around the clitoris, about "one per second." circles aren't the most pleasurable motions for every person, so substitute whatever motion usually works for you :)

apparently a good way of gauging the progress is that, after 10-20 times of being able to reach the edge within the allotted time, that's when you decrease. 5 minutes becomes 3 and whatnot.

ofc his instructions are written from the dreaded cishet mdom perspective, so his goals for his subs are probably very different from your goals for yourself. i'll reword his advice to suit your personal play: don't try to focus, during your rubbing, on the idea that you're trying to become more sensitive and edge faster; focus on the fact that it makes you feel good, and that no matter what happens - hard edge/increased sensitivity or not - you'll be a little dumber and needier afterwards <3

at a vague point in the training, he also advises varying your positions occasionally so that you learn to edge in more ways. this one's a big one for me - it's harder for me to hit the edge in a different position than my usual (on my back, legs spread). could be fun to experiment with!

for people self-training/enjoying play solo-style, he also says not to get bogged down by a time commitment - "better to do this for 3 days and finish what you start, [than] commit to 6 months and get discouraged and give up after 5 months."

hope something in this post is helpful!! happy edging friend <3

[abcdosaka]

i had quite a bit to write in my mind but i've kind of forgotten haha. i guess i'll touch on some points that i've been kinda thinkin about

sometimes i get random likes on posts that i've written on this blog about like an anime or an album or something and it feels so strange considering that its untagged and its literally just me writing a disorganized essay about something where i'm not really making any points but more so pointing out things that i appreciated/noticed from something. but its nice to know i'm not the only person who appreciates a stream of consciousness.

something i did recently... last night i watched phantom of the opera. pretty fun, maybe a little too camp for me to like feel anything from it other than wow its fun how he's terrorizing everyone in the opera house love that for him. he's a bit like the witches from hocus pocus in that way. but i did find the ending pretty sweet and the music was good

life...has been very chill lately. a little too chill. i'm not really challenging myself to try new things. but i'm still enjoying it. i've been drawing a bit more recently and finding it fun again. a couple weeks ago when i wrote that post about wanting to change my whole career path, i don't know. i talked with e for her blog where she interviews people and one thing she asked for my interview was if i was trying to see life as a marathon, not a sprint, and i think that's the perfect way to put it. the good part about my career is that even though its a lot of work, i can put it away after hours. its stable. and its pretty engaging. i dont hate my boss/wish he'd get run over anymore either. i probably have it in me to succeed if i did switch but i don't know if it's worth it.

last thing... i got my period a week early (saturday). very annoying. like i thought about it a little bit and i was like 'maybe my body is trying to help me' because i have to do field work on wednesday so she's just trying to get it over with so i won't have it when im in the field, but i thought about it a little more and if i got it next weekend i would've had my period after going in the field anyway which is x10000 more convenient lmao. but my dad and brother are also coming to visit next week. like i don't truly believe my body is psychic but sometimes it does seem like my organs are aware of what might worry my conscious mind.

[nohoperadio]

First off sincere thanks to those who acknowledged this cry for help, you are lovely. So the thing this was about was my performance review at work, specifically preparing the paperwork aspect of it (hey man I told you it was boring), which is not a popular chore among anyone at my workplace but which always puts me in a very particular hell that I summarized at tedious length a while ago here. My paperwork was due in on the 8th of May (the review itself being set for May 15th); the reason I was putting so much stock in that particular weekend above is because I knew it was my last substantial obligation-free block of free time before the 8th where I could realistically expect myself to knuckle down and do the work (I hadn't started yet literally at all).

You might be able to guess, from the fact I'm writing this update today and not within any temporal proximity to either the weekend in question or the May 8th deadline, that things did not go entirely to plan. In light of which, while I was and am sincerely touched and appreciative and grateful to everyone who interacted with the OP, I can't realistically give any of you a passing grade wrt positive-energy-conveyance, I'm sure you understand. Please don't feel bad, I know you all did your best, and I accept my 50% of the responsibility for my failure, we all kind of dropped the ball here, you know? Let's put it behind us now and simply agree that the next time I have a daunting personal challenge that I alone can overcome, we'll all try a little bit harder to make it work out well for me.

Anyway, it's over now, everything was eventually fine, what I'm probably going to do now is step into this read-more and ramble on about it for a bit, since it's been the dominant theme of my mental and emotional life for the past few weeks I feel like some psychic unloading could do me good. Feel free to join me if you've somehow become invested in my story, or if you've got nothing better to do, or if you're some kind of pervert who enjoys hearing people talk about their lives and their feelings and shit.

---

Let's start with the bare facts of the narrative I guess. As far as I remember I wrote literally no words on the weekend of May 3rd-5th, although I had it in my mind for every waking minute that I really need to be writing something. So I finished the weekend where I'd really hoped to have most or all of it completed sitting on 0% completion. Now my only real hope for finishing on time is Monday and Tuesday evenings after work, when I'll be tired and stuff, not ideal but I guess I have no choice. On Monday and Tuesday I get no work done. Wednesday 8th, the deadline, passes, I have not started writing anything yet--well okay, but missing the deadline somewhat won't be treated as a huge deal by my managers as long as they get it at least a couple of days before the review proper on the 15th. And I have Thursday 9th as a day off, so actually there's still time to pull this off after all! On Thursday 9th I don't do any work on the review, although I do manage to write an angsty tumblr post about how much I hate myself for not doing any work on the review, so maybe that kind of counts as progress? On Friday I do nothing. I'm working the weekend, on Saturday I do actually request a couple of hours of during-work time to work on the review even though I hate doing that, I spend the time making some hand-written notes which later that evening at home I type into the actual paperwork form, it's not much but it's a decent start. Sunday and Monday I do nothing.

Tuesday is the last day before the review, and also another day off. I do nothing all day, but this time giving up is literally not an option; it becomes obvious, around midnight, that I'm going to have to just cancel sleep entirely and work through the night. I drink many cups of tea. Time to get serious.

According to Google Drive edit history I make the first substantive additions to the document at 6:19AM, is the bad news. The good news is that once I've properly started I manage to find the rhythm of it pretty quickly and manage to work pretty solidly through the next three hours with very few interruptions. By just after 9AM (I don't start work until 10) I have the finished product, a couple pages are pretty lackluster but basically the end result is fine, this is a perfectly serviceable review paperwork, it doesn't particularly look rushed or anything. If I'd have been able to find this mindspace at any point in the past month, and stayed in it for 160 minutes or so, there would have been no drama at all. I email it to my manager with a brief apology, I have just barely enough time now to brush my teeth and shave (no time to shower though) and then run to catch the train in time to get to work. The in-person performance review itself--is fine and chill, whatever, I don't care about that part, it's only the paperwork I hate. And now it's all over with until next year.

(I'm sorry to report that while my second year of doing this thing was (while terrible) a modest improvement on my first year re: punctuality, this my third year has been the worst of them all.)

Now we have the bare facts of the narrative, it's time for some sober and constructive analysis of some of the emotions that came up during this whole palaver.

---

Oh my FUCKing jesus HOW does this WRECK me so hard every single year gODD, it's literally just writing some shitty garbage in some shitty boxes, no, no, ahh! It's not even hard and it's not even a lot, once I actually eventually do it I immediately remember how easy it is, why does it feel so much easier to sit around feeling like a piece of shit doing nothing for literal weeks, burning sleep time and fun-stuff time so I can focus on this one thing and then still not even doing it even a tiny little bit, why is that even a module my brain has let alone one it executes reliably every time I'm in this situation, what the FUCK.

This is my third year at the company so my third time doing this, I love my work 90% of the time but for each of these three years the month leading up to performance review has been the worst thing that happened to me that year and it hasn't been remotely close. And I'd like to point out that last year I ended a five-year relationship and that does not affect the truth of the previous sentence at all--fine admittedly it was an uncommonly amicable and positive-feeling break-up, but it was still stressful and hard and emotional and I had to find a whole-ass new place to live by myself and I wasn't sure if I was going to be too poor to support myself and this paperwork was worse, it was way worse. Maybe that's dumb but lots of dumb shit is true and that's true.

---

A big part of why I hate this is--well I'll give you some examples: according to Strava I haven't gone for a run in two and a half weeks. Normally I would run 3-4 times a week. I've barely read anything during the same period, whether we're counting actual books or like Wikipedia articles or whatever. I haven't touched the new mtg set that came out like a month ago now. I haven't gone to any gigs or anything of that ilk. I haven't written in my diary, which I'd kept up daily with almost no misses for since January until now and was really pleased about building that habit. I have next week off work which I've been meaning to finalize some plans about but I still haven't.

Basically for as long as I have this thing hanging over me, this thing I find inexplicably impossible to do, I will also find it almost as impossible to do anything else that will take a non-trivial amount of time or effort, because that's time and effort that could be going to the important thing so what kind of fool would I be to waste it on [anything positive or nice]? No, the task is the only thing I'm allowed to think about in the weeks leading up to the deadline, even if I'm not allowed to actually do it.

(This is clearly a part of why my undergrad days were such a low-point in my life btw, spending three whole years in nonstop there's-a-deadline-coming-up mode, and I had the exact same complex around it back then as I do now--I'm honestly not sure how I survived that! I mean I almost didn't I guess, is the answer. Although this wasn't even the worst thing at the time, the worst part was [tedious shit for another post]... man I'm glad I'm not young any more that shit sucked!

---

It's so weird staying awake for like 38 hours straight on purpose. I didn't really feel tired during the day, just kind of, slightly drunk? I was in a good mood most of the day, more confident and talkative than usual, noticeably dumber and slower though. It's pretty much exactly like being drunk.

---

Here's something positive I can talk about. Although the writing of the paperwork went horribly overall, I did make the very important discovery that there's a hidden easy mode in this: ChatGPT is VERY useful here, and given the intensity of the fucked up headspace I found myself in this year I'm genuinely not sure I would've finished at all without its help (thank you based @toasthaste!). Here is a breakdown of my cheating strat for whoever cares: basically the paperwork is seven pages that each cover a different area of work and have headings that look like this:

Under the first heading you're supposed to list good stuff you did, under the next two you're supposed to describe how that stuff impacted the success of the shop and something you learned from it. ChatGPT can't really help with the first column of this because it doesn't really make sense to try to have it fabricate things I might have done at work, but the first column tends to be the easiest because it's the most objective and concrete, you don't need to bullshit as much as the other two just describe things that happened in a neutral way, the other two involve 95% bullshit and are really painful and draining and embarrassing for me to write.

So basically what I ended up doing was just filling out the leftmost-third of every page legitimately and then once I'd explained to ChatGPT how everything works I could just feed it "behaviours" and request corresponding "impacts" and "learnings" and it would be shockingly good at providing these; like, I initially expected that any material I get from ChatGPT would be kinda clunky an require heavy editing and I wasn't sure it would save much time and energy; actually the AI immediately grasped the spirit of the task very well, and I mostly just changed a few words here and there to make it read more naturally/plausibly like my voice. Only a couple of times did I have to do more than that.

I genuinely think if I'd known how much less stressful the task is with these hax then I might have been able to stay calm enough to approach it, if not in good time at least a lot sooner. I mean it's easy to say stuff like that when you're not in it anymore, but I think I genuinely do think so? Guess we'll find out next year.

---

Yeah it's really an extraordinary feeling when after weeks of my brain being in a cold war against itself the task actually somehow miraculously gets completed and I'm allowed to be alive again. Suddenly life is full of possibility, the feeling of being free to do whatever I want without having to pay a toll in guilt feels like the freshest cleanest oxygen, it doesn't even feel necessary to exercise this freedom to feel its sweetness, I could do this or I could do that or I could do nothing, but such a different nothing to the nothing I've been doing these past weeks! I exist and the whole world exists and we're all going to live forever and do beautiful things and there won't be room for anything except light and love and truth and power and beauty. This isn't going to last, I know that I'm not an idiot.

---

I'm going to see the Mountain Goats next week, that should be nice.

There's something I really gotta do but really don't wanna do but gotta do and which I really oughta do this weekend. I really hope I have the power and the virtue within me to do it this weekend. No pressure, but if anyone who reads this wants to leave whatever small gesture of good luck/positive energy/etc comes naturally to them, I would sincerely be grateful.

I'm deliberately not saying what the thing is right now for silly superstitious reasons, although rest assured it's extremely boring (perhaps more boring than you can possibly imagine). But I will give an update at the appropriate time (which won't be during the weekend probably) reporting whatever level of success, or lack thereof, I attain. So you will eventually find out whether your good luck energy was helpful or whether it was USELESS.

[wantonwinnie]

Doctor Aphra Review

9/10. I listened to the audio drama version and had a lot of fun with this one! (spoilers ahead for Convergence for some reason).

I don’t think I’ve read any of the expanded material from the imperial era before (canon or legends, though I have spent some time post ROTJ), so this was pretty new to me. I haven't read any of the Doctor Aphra comics either, so I was going in blind. Glad I did.

Aphra is funny and, considering I read Convergence first, really Axel-coded (or is Axel Aphra-coded?). Mommy issues, unreliable narration, doesn't know how to stop causing issues for the main characters (of the saga at least), loves droids, and ... can't stop working for the Bad Guys. I didn't know how much I love this kind of character until I listened to both Axel and Aphra angst it up.

My favorite part is definitely the romance, followed by the fun adventures that Aphra and her little crew go on. The narration is unique (from her perspective the whole time – with some other voices), and the ultimate purpose of the recording is awesome. As far as the romance, all I'll say is that I really appreciate the meaningful representation here.

I guess I can't give it a 10 because I probably won't re-listen to it, and it’s not my favorite drama per se. Maybe I'm not fully into the era yet, I don't know. However, everything about the drama was fun, and I have no complaints. Coupled with the other cameos, it was a great way to get started with this era of storytelling, not to mention that I'll probably be reading the Aphra comics sooner rather than later. If you got ~5 hours to spare, pick this up!

Next, I plan on reading Kenobi by John Jackson Miller.

[kind-of-crazy-butthatsokay]

It's been a hell of a year for you, darling! So, please answer any or all of the following, if you would?

End of the year Asks

Song of the year?

Album of the year?

Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

Movie of the year?

TV show of the year?

Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

Favorite actor of the year?

Game of the year?

Best month for you this year?

Something that made you cry this year?

Something you want to do again next year?

Talk about a new friend you made this year

How was your birthday this year?

Favorite book you read this year?

What’s a bad habit you picked up this year?

Post a picture from the beginning of the year

Post a picture from the end of the year

A memorable meal this year?

What’re you excited about for next year?

What’s something you learned this year?

What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

Favorite place you visited this year?

If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

It has indeed been one hell of a year! Emphasis on hell *self-deprecating chuckle*

ANYHOW, let's get to answering all these questions. I can guarantee you I will have to pause this to switch tabs dozens of time s and look all kinds of things up before I'm through with this 😂

Song of the year? There's too many, really. Silver platters, Nightmare (Neoni), Twisted (The people's thieves), Mommy issues (Cloudy June), Enemy (Imagine Dragons), venting to strangers, Strut, Cinderella's dead (all three my Emeline), Liegen is Frieden (German song) just to name a few.

Album of the year is probably Unthinkable by Cloudy June. I love the shamelessly horny energy. The helplessly single part of me really digs it.

As for artists I've started listening to or have listened to a lot... Cloudy June, Emeline and Neoni. All young women with amazing songs. Big dick energy, I'm telling you!

Movie of the year would be Turning Red. Do Revenge was also hilarious! The school of good and evil shouldn't go unmentioned either.

Shows are definitely The Dragon Prince and Heartstopper. I've watched more, but these are actually from 2022 (I've reconnected with the Avatar series lately, both with Aang and Korra. Love that shit!). There's also that one DnD thing I've watched that's called fantasy high and I love it very much.

The best month surely was August because I had three weeks off of work and could visit a really good friend that lives a couple of hours away. That was the only time I actually felt good and at peace this year.

Something that made me cry? Honestly, this whole year did. It was one entire shit show and progressively got worse every time you thought it couldn't get worse. But I also watched a few good shows and movies that made me cry!

What I'm excited about this year is for my apprenticeship to be over. I hope that I pass my final exams without trouble so I can quit my job and get the fuck out of this miserable town. Hoping to get a year abroad in Ireland set up and then when I'm back move down to where the friend lives that I mentioned.

If I could send a message to my self at the start of 2022, I would tell me to get ready for one shitty fucking year and not to expect it to get better because it won't and the disappointment just makes it worse. But also that we made it through the hell because HAH I'm still fucking here *flips off 2022* thought you could break me, did you? Well, you though wrong, you fucker.

And as for the characters I've created. A lot of them 😂 most for DnD, which I got into this year and is one of the only good things the year brought. I've done so much character designing, you've got nooo idea. I love creating outfits and interesting faces and cool weapons for my little fantasy people. Nothing better than that ☺️

Phew, that's one long ass post. I hope you make it to the end 😂

I do earnestly hope that your year was better than mine and that you had many moments filled with joy and happiness 🖤

Feel free to tell me about your year with all its highs and lows

[gildedmuse]

Hey, everyone.

So recently I've (predictably) very not well. Actually, whenever I don't post for long periods, just assume my body is trying to kill me. But I've gotten messages from three people asking if I. Okay, which is super sweet. I am actually trying to work on the next All Hearts, a really long ZoLaw post and two request fics, but mixing chronic kidney pain and capitalist society's mandate to work 40+ hours is not recommended.

But to prove I'm okay and still me, here is some Shanks antics with him being a total slut while Mihawk and Beckman just roll their eyes and go along with it. [Shout out to @jhaernyl who not only listens to me ramble about this stuff, but actively encourages it]. I also have many thoughts on the latest episodes and so many screenshots it's embarrassing. Hopefully, when I'm in less pain, I'll get around to actually posting those. Otherwise I just look like an insane person who literally takes by the second frame shots every time Zoro is on screen.

.... What is that? I look like that anyway? Fair.

Shanks Is A Bad Influence

It feels like Buggy and Shanks split up after Roger's death (the crew was told to, and they are the only ones who went to his execution) and I find it impossible to think Shanks didn't immediately set out and find a crew; like, pirating is the only thing this kid knows in life. This means two things:

He set out from East Blue. Also, he seemed at ease and familiar with the East so it's possible he spent like a year there getting everything together. Maybe he even played around in the other blues for a while before heading back to the Grand Line. I say this because his crew is from all over so either he found and recruited them in the Grand Line or visited various blues. Either way, I'm gonna say it took him about two years before getting a 'proper' start. In that case, he would have started out properly at the age of 17 and we know One Piece likes it's parallels.

That still puts Shanks at 17 to Benn Beckmen's 28. How the fuck did Shanks manage that? I'd call it grave robbing, but let's face it, the little tyke probably got up to some actual robbing of graves as well.

My point being everytime Shanks teases Mihawk about keeping this 19 year old kid on his personal island, mostly shirtless, Benn Beckmen just lifts an eyebrow.

Excuse me, captain, who had prefected the 'opps still don't have my sea legs' trip-and-fall into their first mates lap by the age of 17?

Shanks: Beckmen, you caught me! *Shamelessly nuzzles up* Thank goodness! I could be a devil's fruit user after all and - Ahh!

Benn: *Drops Shanks straight over the side of the ship into the water*

Shanks: *Sputtering* What what that!?

Benn: Checking to see if you had eaten a devil's fruit on us, Capatin.

Benn: You didn't.

Smart ass. But he can't resist Shanks forever. Shanks will wear him down eventually.

Next time Mihawk tracks him down for another match - because you know he gets bored way quicker than he'll ever admit and Shanks is at least amusing a challenge - Shanks makes a big deal out of how Mihawk follows him around, "accidentally" revealing they slept together, sighing about how it's so hard to resist him.

Benn Beckmen is just leaning against the side of the ship, sipping his booze.

Shanks: -and I can't stay for hours like last time!!

Mihawk: Are you quite done?

Shanks: *whispering* Does Benn look jealous?

Mihawk: He looks bored. Much like I am. Is this some strange attempt to get out of my challenge, Akagami?

Shanks: What? No, come on I told you I was game. But, hey, could you do me a favor? Maybe like try and kiss me or something? Like take a swing like your going to hit me but then stop shot and grab me by the waist instead.

Mihawk: .... Trickery is beneath you. Besides, you're absolute rubbish at it.

Shanks: Oh, come on, I would totally help you get laid if you asked!

Mihawk: .... *Sigh* I want a proper match afterwards.

Mihawk: *In a forced, monotone voice* After this I will take you to my lair and have my way with you, Akagami.

Mihawk: ... My lair? Really?

Shanks: *Holding up cue card with quickly scribbled line* What? That is how you talk.

Mihawk: I can't believe I wasted precious hours of light tracking you to this atrociously rural port.

Shanks: See? Now, read the next one.

Benn: Captain? If this is going to take all night, I am going to go join the rest of the men in the tavern.

Shanks: Huh? Wait! Benn! What if Miha really stabs me this time!?

Benn: *Salutes Shanks with his bottle* Sounds like that is his plan captain. Have a good 'challenge'.

Shanks: What? No... *Reaching out hand, like he might die if Benn leaves, looking completely devastated* Not even a little jealous...

Mihawk: You couldn't have thought that pantomime would actually work.

Shanks: Benny, don't leave me.... *Turns to Mihawk, immediately brightening* Oh, well, there's always tomorrow. Hey, Miha, guess whose free all night and horny as a pirate in the calm belt?

Mihawk: .... *Sigh* Very well.

Mihawk might as well get something for the trip he made. Although, he's reconsidering if the sex was actually worth the trouble after he ends up listening to Shanks worry half the night that Benn is shacking up with someone else (after a couple hours of rough and raw fucking, admittedly).

Is it the hat? He likes his captain's hat. Miha, you think his captain's hat is sexy, don't you?

Mihawk: It's utterly ridiculous.

Shanks: ....

Shanks: ....

Shanks: *Smile* Ahh, Miha, I knew you liked the hat!

Shanks: What do you old Northerns find sexy?

Mihawk: I am only four years older than you.

Mihawk: And silence.

Trying to convince Mihawk to go spy on Beckman for him. Shanks doesn't actually care if he does sleep with someone else, it's more that Beckman didn't immediately turn angry and jealous like Buggy would have that has him paranoid.

Mihawk is going to fuck this annoying red head again just to shut him up.

Mihawk: Maybe he doesn't like red haired boys who don't know when to be quiet?

The next morning Shanks is pacing among his poor crew that's gotten stuck listening to Shanks obsess about Beckman again. IS IT REALLY THE HAIR!?

It's not even a matter of Shanks's age (or obvious immaturity). I mean, Beckman got on board and stayed, didn't he? Beckman just enjoys watching Shanks try so hard to get his attention. Like Benn's attention isn't constantly on Shanks. He had to when his captain is always one step away from disaster.

He only left him with Mihawk because it was clear Dracule is not a real danger to Beckman's captain.

Except maybe insulting him to death. But Beckman is pretty sure Shanks can handle it. He's met Buggy. He's suspects Shanks LIKES it if anything.

It gets to the point where when they dock somewhere and see Mihawk waiting, or come back to the ship and spot his familiar silhouette, most of the crew goes off somewhere for another drink (sometimes the newer kids will stay to watch such an awesome fight, everyone else is like... Look, you'll have plenty of opportunities later. This is not a one off.)

Benn just takes a look around, nods to Mihawk (a silent signal for, "he's all yours, do with him as you please, if anything happens to him I will track you down and make sure your last few hours on this blue world are as painful as humanly possible") and heads off.

Oh, it's just the Hawk boy.

That's fine then.

Benn use to be a sailor on a trade ship between the North, East, West and Grand Line. He's seen it all.

They called him The Gun Slinger BEFORE he joined Shanks's crew and became a pirate.

So this young, broke ass kid from the streets of some near artic northern island trying to pass himself off as a Lower North rich type has a thing for his captain? Not really enough to keep Beckman up at night, no matter how good at swords he's supposed to be

Besides, he's pretty sure for the kid to keep tracking down Shanks, he must be bored out of his skull. He's not going to do anything to endanger their captain.

Not if Shanks is the only thing he can find to keep him entertained.

One day, Mihawk is going to be waiting on the dock when a bunch of Red Haired pirates are stumbling home, laughing and chattering amongst themselves (Shanks's crew always seems to be in a good mood). One of them will catch sight if Mihawk and walk by with a smile, patting him on the shoulder.

The captain's occupied. Seems likely he'll be 'occupied' for a good while, too.

Mihawk won't smile, but he will think "So you finally warmed him up to you, Akagami?" and snort lightly.

Poor Benn, though. Mihawk could never imagine being with someone so much younger than him. Shanks is only four years his junior and already it strains Mihawk to put up with his occasional moments of "youthful whimsy" (aka being an annoying, immature child)

"A young, cocky pirate with strangely colored bright hair"

Mihawk just putting that on his Not To Do List.

That lasted until Roronoa.

(Mihawk just looking at Zoro knowing this is bad news.)

Mihawk: *Takes list from Benn*

*Cross out, scribbles*

*Hands back to Benn*

Do Not Do:

- A young, cocky pirate with strangely colored bright hair a silly hat, who is overly dramatic and in any way, shape or form related to Gol D Rogers.

Ace: Hey what's up?

Mihawk: *Takes list from Benn*

Go ahead, Benn, laugh it up. Mihawk is aware he has a type. Young, pretty, and utterly insane.

After that night where Shanks was otherwise 'occupied', it's over six months before Mihawk sees his friend his rival again. He is, as expected, far too smug and proud looking.

Shanks: Oh, Miha, so sorry you came all this way, I'm-

Benn: Well, I'm off, captain.

Shanks: What!? But we, you, I... Benn, hessoeexyarentyouworriedforyourcaptain?

Benn: *patting Mihawk on the shoulder* Have fun with him. Don't forget to return him by noon tomorrow, we have a schedule. Oh, but if you can babysit him for at least four hours? That would be great.

Shanks: BABYSIT!?

Mihawk: I suppose I can be troubled to do so.

Shanks: TROUBLED!?

Benn: Thanks, Hawkeyes. I owe you.

Shanks: *Fake tears clinging to his lashes* You two are so mean!

No, don't feel bad for him. Shanks is just trying to guilt the two of them into bed at the same time, and they both know it.

Thanks no thanks, they're not into that. But Shanks can be pretty cute when he's trying so hard (Benn) and at least he's not as boring as everything else in this world (Mihawk) so they allow him to keep up the act

Shanks: *looking at Zoro's wanted poster over Mihawk's shoulder* But I feel like you'd gladly go to bed with him and his captain if he asked. That doesn't seem fair to me. You'd never go that far with me and Benn.

Mihawk: *Eyes Benn*

Mihawk: *DEAD. ONLY.*

Mihawk: I have my reasons.

They can and do agree on plenty of things, including reciprocally not being that attracted to each other.

Shanks: Sounds fake to me

Shanks: But guys!

Shanks: This isn't about you

He's gonna need you guys to drop the egos and focus on what HE wants. I.E., being in the middle of two sexy Northern men.

Honestly, so mean to poor Shanks!

[foxymoxynoona]

FAQ

Questions I get a lot!

When will you update? Do you have a set update schedule? I don’t. I used to but it became unrealistic once chapters started being 10k+ words. Now I try to update 2 things a week. You can see what the status is on any of my writing on my trello.

Can I request a story? Sorry, I don't write requests except I do occasionally write drabbles as requested. I also sometimes solicit guidance from my patreon on which longer stories I start next so if you want in on that process feel free to join my patreon!

Are you still taking drabble requests? For now, yes! Feel free to send me your drabble request (whether it's related to one of my stories or a totally new idea, either is welcome!) but please understand that I just jump around and get to them when the fancy strikes me, so I won't be able to tell you when it'll actually get written. You'll see them on my trello once I start working on it. Please understand too I write as my discretion and there may be times I choose not to fulfill a drabble request if I'm uncomfortable with the topic or feel like it's not within my wheelhouse to write, but so far it hasn't come up.

How do you write so much? A mixture of committment, practice, priority, and the inability to stop thinking about my stories haha. I have a couple posts on here that talk about my process and style. You can find them with the tag mywritingadvice or writing tips. 

Can I be an emoji anon? Yes! I’ll keep a list below of the ones already claimed. If you don’t interact with me for a few months, the emoji might get freed up if it’s one in high demand. 

Claimed (deleted ones I haven’t heard from in forever 6-12)

🌸🎉🍰🧚🏻👀🛸🍊🧩🌚🍿🐮🦐🐋

Have you ever considered writing _____? The answer is probably yes, haha, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day for me to write all that I want to write, and I make no promises about what comes next after my current stories. I just go where inspiration takes me! There aren't many things I wouldn't try to write, because I like exploring genre, character, odd situations, morality, etc. Just depends on my motivation and comfort at that particular time.

Can you recommend other stories to read? You can check out my fic rec blog here

I don’t like reader insert, will you add an OC to this story? OR I don’t like OCs, will you rewrite this as a reader insert? Probably not! Usually I have a reason I chose to write the story in that particular style. It’s often significant work to change and I’d rather spend writing something new! I understand if this means you don’t read all of my works, that’s ok! I never expected all of my stories to appeal to everyone because this is my opportunity to explore different genres, styles, etc.

Will you ever write a character like _______? Maybe yes! I am thoughtful about every aspect of a characters’ background in each story and what life experiences have shaped them to be who they are in that place and time, and what I feel like suits that particular story, and what I felt comfortable writing about. I hope to continue expanding my character roster in every direction –race, weight, height, culture, sexuality, interests, etc.– beyond my own personal lived experiences.

You write a lot about children and parenthood. Can you write something else? Not every story I write includes these themes but many do because it's what I feel like writing. I am writing during a time in my life in which I have felt very lonely and isolated as a parent of young children and because one of my goals for writing was to explore and better represent the experiences of motherhood. I almost always have tags identifying these stories from the very beginning so they should be easy to avoid if you are uninterested in those plots and themes.

Why do you only write about Jungkook? This is becoming less true over time. I find Jungkook the easiest to write and often ideas for him come to me more easily, but I’m excited to be writing more stories for the other members

Have you considered publishing a book? I am highly flattered this has been asked enough to put on this list. Yes, I have thought about this many times in the past. I had a brief and unpleasant experience with self publishing many years ago, as well as with trying to get some short works published. Someday I will want to give it another go! But for right now, my writing is a protected space of joy and exploration for me. I love writing whatever I want, however I want, sharing it with others and getting to talk about it as I go. Right now I don’t want to do anything that interferes with this really wonderful part of my life. At the point I do decide to write an original work or attempt to de-fanfic any of my works for publication, I will for sure let you all know. 😉 

***** STORY SPECIFIC *****

Will you include (unofficial, rumored, or private information) in your Secret Song Series? No, I won’t. I don’t follow anything unofficial from BTS. I’m not on Twitter. Every character (other than BTS, and I take a lot of creative license even with them), storyline, private event, scandal, etc. in that story comes from my own brain and any similarity to anything in real life is pure coincidence. The "true" things I use are many public performances, awards, and official BTS content but even there I take creative license to use, create new, or cut as I see fit. This is as much a work of fiction as any of my other fanfiction. Please do not send me private photos or personal info about the guys, I don’t want to see it. 😄

Will you write a Secret Song Series book about the other members? Probably not an entire book, but I have started one shots/drabbles/short stories for the other members. I hope to have a collection of these for each member.

How many books will the Secret Song Series be? I don't know for sure. I'd written about 2million words of the story before I started posting, and the timeline of that stretches across about 5 books, but I hadn't written an ending or final chapter yet, so it kind of depends how we're feeling once we get there.

[beepboop358]

"S4 Sneak Peek" Teaser - SECOND PART

This is my second post about the st4 sneak peek teaser, regarding the second half of the st4 sneak peek teaser, which contains the new images for s4.

(the first part of this s4 sneak peek discussion regarding the first half of the teaser can be found here.)

The California group; Will, Mike, Argyle, Jonathan (and El for part of the season), are not shown in the s4 footage, neither is Joyce, who we also know is in California for at least part of the season. There are several possible reasons why they aren’t included, one being that they are waiting to release any content surrounding Joyce and Will’s storyline until both of their individual teasers are released, or that their storyline contains major spoilers too sensitive to reveal at this time.

Now getting into the images…

The Grandfather Clock:

It is striking midnight, which could be a reference to the doomsday clock, or just time running out until something catastrophic happens.

This clock has been seen several times in promos:

My running theory is the clocks represent memories, which will be re-visited through the powers of the upside down/the void, essentially “time travel flashbacks". If you want to read more about this theory it's in my post here. I think the grandfather clock being positioned in the upside down, further supports this theory.

A clock was also seen in the "Eleven are you listening?" teaser, striking 3 a.m., aka "the witching hour".

Eleven in s4:

In the first image, Eleven looks like Joyce. She has the same hairstyle with the bangs. Whether she is mimicking Joyce after getting closer and more attached to her, or Joyce gave her this haircut, she undeniably looks like Joyce. She is wearing Hopper's flannel, but her clothing style also looks similar to Joyce's, just like her hair.

Eleven has obviously been kidnapped by the “bad men”, probably government agents for Hawkins Lab. From her facial expression and lack of movement, she isn't struggling or trying to get away from their grip on her, and that the black van behind her has its doors open and she is facing away from it, which means they probably just took her out of the van. Her facial expression indicates she is looking at something, full of disbelief and confusion. The tan ground and blue sky tell us this is obviously California. It was confirmed by leaked set pics of Joyce and Jonathan's cars license plates that the Byers move to Cali. I have a theory Dr. Owens/the gov. paid to re-locate the Byers to keep a low profile for Eleven, or at least gave them some money to use to re-locate to a place far away from Hawkins, because Joyce can not afford the kind of house they are living in there in Cali by herself with the kind of job she previously worked.

The second image of Eleven in the lab could be a memory/"time travel flashback", or it may not even be El, it could be another test subject that just looks like her, since they all did have shaved heads, but I feel like the person has very similar facial features to Millie, so it is probably Eleven.

The Hawkins group:

We have Nancy, Steve, Robin, Max, Lucas, Dustin and Erica left in Hawkins to investigate what is going on there. They are in the Claremont house, rumored to be "Vecna's lair" (the rumored new monster in s4)

The group appears to be looking at the grandfather clock, but we don't know for sure.

Usually all the couples are visually paired together in shots (which is especially prominent in s3) but here in this shot Max and Lucas are not standing next to each other, and in the bike riding shot they aren’t riding next to each other either. Max and Lucas are always breaking up and then getting back together in s3, so I wonder if them not standing together and not riding next to each other indicates a more permanent break up between the two.

Max is also at the center of the formation, and everyone stands around and behind her. I have a theory Max will be more central to the plot this year in discovering whats going on in Hawkins. Steve also appears to be looking directly at Max, as if he is reacting to or going to respond to what she is saying or has been saying.

Max, Dustin, Lucas and Erica riding their bikes could be them running away from something, rushing to get somewhere to deliver news/show up to something that's about to happen, etc, we really don't know.

The Dice:

The number 7 can be seen as one of the prominent numbers in the middle of a dice roll during a D&D game with the hellfire club. The number 7 is associated with Will and Mike, but also could allude to the "Eleven are you listening?" teaser where a puck was dropped on the number 7. 3 and 5 are also prominent numbers here.

I think the hands with the ring is Eddie or another new character. Neither Mike or Dustin's hands look like that. The person sitting next to him could be anyone. This person is seen wearing a hellfire club shirt, and we have seen everyone we know to be confirmed members of the club - Eddie, Mike, Dustin, wear this shirt in bts pics.

Hopper:

This shot is most likely of Hopper in the Russian prison, using a flame thrower as a weapon for his escape, or to defend himself from someone/something.

The car on fire:

If you slow the teaser down to 0.25x speed, you can see the mysterious figure is walking towards the flaming car, approaching it. This means this person was most likely not in the wreck. Although it would make sense for it to be Joyce's car because she drives a Ford Pinto which was an extremely flammable car due to design flaws Ford neglected, the back of the Ford Pinto is rounded, and this car does not seem to have a rounded back. During the scene in the woods in s3 after Joyce and Hopper kidnapped Alexei and Hopper's car won't start, it blows up. Joyce makes comments about how she could have died in the car explosion, which could be possible foreshadowing.

The mysterious figure appears to be a man, I'm guessing a young adult/teenager based on the stripes on the sleeve of their shirt - it just feels like something a teenager would wear, not a middle aged adult. My bet is that this figure is either Will, Jonathan, or maybe Mike - just based off of the body shape of the figure and that they would fit the age group.

The one thing we know for sure from this picture is that the car explosion happens in Hawkins. The skinny, tall trees that can be seen on the side of the road, only grow in certain places, mainly in the southeast of the US, and the Hawkins portion of ST is filmed in Atlanta, GA where these trees grow. These kinds of trees can’t grow in New Mexico where the California portion is being filmed, and definitely not in Lithuania, where the Russia portion is being filmed. In the show these trees only appear in Hawkins, Indiana. These trees are seen during Hopper's letter - when the Byers drive past the "Leaving Hawkins" sign. The slight curve in the road right where the skinny trees can be seen is very suspiciously similar.

Chrissy:

Described as the most popular girl in school hiding a dark secret, Chrissy's death/disappearance will probably be what sparks the suspicion, action, mystery, of the Hawkins storyline. It will be the event that triggers the Hawkins group to investigate what's really going on, and if the upside down is back again in Hawkins.

Steve under water:

He seems to be looking for something, it's unclear what, why, or exactly when in the season this scene will occur. Water has an underlying significance in the show, and last year the stranger writers account kept tweeting reminding everyone to drink water, and tweeted that Steve wasn't drinking enough water. There's definitely something going on here with the water references. That tweet about Steve not drinking enough water could allude to his possible death/serious injury. Steve is a popular contender to die this season, but I wonder if/when Steve dies, Dustin will also die because of the comment he makes in s3 to Steve saying, "If you die, I die."

[mrsseverussnape]

Love Is You - chapter 2

a/n: I made some new additions to the chapter while reading it. Wattpad, AO3 and Tumblr versions will be all different than each other😅 Whenever i read it before posting it on somewhere, i cannot stop myself and add new stuffs…

Ps: Severus is making an appearance in this chapter and we will see him more and more with each chapter😏

Also i am linking Sirius x Scar relationship post here, you can learn about their backstory😌

     Scarlett has spent the night at her own house, of course she didn’t want to go back to their family house and even how much she needed a company tonight, she couldn’t go to her parents either since she didn’t know how to tell them what happened tonight.. Scarlett couldn't sleep even for a second; the moment she closed her eyes the bedroom scene appeared in her mind non-stop. So she decided to go to work early, there was no point in trying to sleep. She fixed herself as much as possible and headed to the Ministry of Magic. She went to the Minister of Magic's room directly, as the deputy minister she had to acquaint him about the conferences in Paris.

"Good morning sir."

"Good morning Scarlett. I wasn't expecting you that early. Have a seat please."

 The Minister Dorian Blackwood poured some tea for themselves and opened a biscuit jar while she was sitting. They talked about Paris conferences for almost half an hour. The Minister has noticed that something was off with Scarlett since he knew her since she was little. But he decided to stay silent, if she wanted to talk she would.

"Before i leave, i need to tell you one more thing Dorian." 

"Sure, i am listening."

Scarlett was scratching her hands and biting down on her lip. She was having second thoughts but she believed she had to do that. "I…I want to resign..."

Dorian raised his eyebrows in surprise, that was something he wasn’t expecting at all. "May i ask why? Because i see you as the next minister and i know you want that too, Scarlett. That was our plan."

"I do, i still do want that but i just can't work here anymore." She took a deep breathe, she continued to talk but her voice was shaking. "I don't know how to explain this at all but yesterday i found out something including a third party and i and Sirius are no longer in good terms. I don't want to come across with someone here and that someone is not Sirius..." Couple of tears escaped and ran down on her cheeks.

"Oh my dear girl...” Dorian walked up to her and rubbed her back to ease her pain a bit. Scarlett was like a daughter to him and he cared about her dearly. “I guess i understand the situation... but i don't want you to resign. Maybe we can do something else."

"What is that?" Scarlett looked at him questioningly.

"I am guessing that someone is not as important as you here so...I can do it right now."

She shook her head. "No not fire her, that won't be fair. It is my personal problem, Dorian."

"Okay whatever you want but just let me know if you change your mind, i can do anything for my lovely deputy minister. But i really want you to stay Scarlett, i don’t think you thought about that decision very clearly."

"I thank you for your kindness and for everything Dory but i don't think i will be in a good state of mind for a while. I don't even want to stay in London. Please accept my resign." Scarlett was almost begging at this point. The minister thought for a while then nodded slowly. 

"I can't force you Scarlett, it is your decision in the end. But i am really upset about it, i will miss my partner in crime” Dorian gave her a sad smile. “Give me a week to arrange some stuff then you can fully resign. And you don’t have to come here this week, i will take care of it myself and promise me you will take care of yourself."

She nodded. "Thank you for your understanding, i am not happy about it either but that will be the best for everyone i guess... I cannot promise but i will try..."

Then she left the room before crying her eyes out, this was way harder than she thought. Then she went to the law department to arrange the divorce papers, this was even harder than the resign talk for her. It was hell of a day and she just wanted it to finish already. After the work, she went to their house to get some of her stuff since she didn’t have  much in her house because it hasn’t been used for over 20 years. Unfortunately for Scarlett, Sirius has left the work early and he was at home. When he heard the door, he rushed to the doorway it had to be Scarlett.

"I knew you will be back Scarlett!" Sirius cheered with happiness, though he was looking rough. Apparently he didn’t have good night either.

"I didn't come here to stay, i will take some clothes then leave. I will be moving out as soon as possible." Scarlett said sternly without looking at him.

Before he could say anything else, she started to go upstairs where their bedroom was. Sirius followed her immediately like a puppy. She didn't want to enter the room after what she has seen yesterday but she had to, so she took a deep breath and started to pack a bag, avoiding looking at their bed.

"Scar, baby, we can talk and solve this, please." 

She let out a laugh angrily. "We can solve it huh? You cheated on me right here, in OUR bed and now you are waiting for me to forget everything!? You have no idea how hard it is for me to be in this room right now. We are done, understand!? You will get the divorce papers in couple of days."

She took her suitcase and got out of the room as fast as possible. "I will take the rest of my stuff later."

"Scarlett..." he called out her name and held her hand before she could walk out the outside door.

She stood there for a second then turned to look at him for the first time today. The tears were collected in his moon coloured eyes, ah how much she loved his eyes. She has never seen him looking so sad, he was always the cheerful one with a grin on his lips. Seeing him like this gave her pain, she was very angry with him but the love she had for him wouldn’t disappear in a day. Then without a second thought she pressed her lips against his softly. It was a quick kiss, but it was full of mixed emotions. Then she pulled away and mumbled a "Goodbye." before she apparated and left Sirius there crying silently.

     2 days have passed since Scarlett moved out and still she haven't talked to her kids or her parents about what's going on between her and Sirius. The twins were 21 years old so they could understand the situation, but she still didn't know how to tell them about it at all like their marriage was going great and in one night everything went upside down. Leonidas was working in New York and she didn't want to tell him through a letter, this would leave him with so many questions. He would probably come to London for Christmas, so Scarlett decided to wait till then. But Carina was working at Hogwarts and Scarlett got ready to go there, she didn’t want to lie to Carina through letters acting all was well. 2 hours later Scarlett was wandering around the castle, she hasn’t been there since she graduated. She didn't know where Carina's room was exactly, so she decided to go to the potions classroom since Carina was Professor Snape's assistant. She wasn’t ready to enter that class at all and that was why she avoided coming to Hogwarts for years but right now this was such a small problem beside the other things. Scarlett knocked on the class's door and heard the deep voice she knew very well saying "Come in." Severus Snape was ready to scold the person who interrupted their study but when he saw who it was, he stood there in shock, he couldn’t say a single word.

"Mum!?" Carina asked in surprise, she wasn’t expecting her at all.

"May i talk to my daughter privately, it is important." Scarlett requested but she  was not looking at him directly.

Severus didn’t talk for couple of seconds then nodded lightly. "Yes. i will finish rest of the potion by myself Carina, you can leave."

Carina nodded and rushed to her mum. "Is everything okay mum?" She asked while they were leaving the class. Carina noticed she wasn’t looking any good, she wasn’t even wearing her signature red lipstick that she always do and that was concerning.

Carina escorted her to her chambers but she has started to panic, her mum’s silence wasn’t helping the situation at all. 

"Mum could you please tell me what happened? Are my grandparents okay?"

"They are fine." Scarlett sat on the bed and motioned Carina to sit next to her. Scarlett's eyes have already filled with tears.

"Mummy? Are you alright?" Carina held her hand softy.

Scarlett shook her head as no, she was squeezing Carina’s hand to gain some power. "Carina, i and your dad... are having a divorce..." end of the sentence she was crying her eyes out.

"W-WHAT!? What happened mum!? I saw you two like 10 days ago and you were totally fine. What's that now?" She was in pure shock and couldn’t know how to act.

"We were... we were good at least that's what i thought... But apparently, we weren't because when i turned back from Paris, i found him..." she started to sob uncontrollably at this point, saying it out loud made it worse for her. "cheating..."

"Did you say cheating!? Daddy was cheating!?" This sentence was something that Carina has never imagined hearing in her life.

Scarlett just nodded; she was unable to talk.

Carina hugged her mum tightly "Shhh mummy, everything will be fine, we will get through it..." 

She was trying to calm her mum down, but she was devastated herself too. Carina has always wanted a relationship like her parents had. They were the most in love couple she has ever seen in her life. But she just heard that her dad has cheated on her mum after all those years even they weren’t having any problems. Carina had no idea what to expect for the near future right now but she knew that she will be her mum’s side no matter what.

Taglist:

@snapefiction @lizlil @elizabeth-baelish @misselsbells06 @mais-e @lunnybunny12 @anfre109 @entirelymesmerising @wolvesofwinter13

@mrssnivellussnape i am tagging you too since you seemed interested but i can remove you if you’d like 😊

If you wanna be on my taglist, let me know!

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[wallofweird]

hi fae, how do you feel about people saying that kevin only tolerates madison bc of kate and therefore they won't work? :/

Hi! Well, I think these people are definitely not watching This Is Us (or any type of television, for that matter) or living on Earth. Or seeing and unseeing things according to their pre-established opinions. Either way, that’s absolutely not true. On most of their interactions Kevin is polite, as you can see it here:

I love this part because there are at least three other guests closer to him but she is the first person he offers a glass of champagne... If you pay attention to the scene, he is holding THREE glasses. He gives one to Madison and he puts another on a shelf, I don’t know about the third, but there were definitely more women in the room that could’ve had that(those) glass(es), he just didn’t care, lol. Also, Rebecca is looking and smiling at him, but he doesn’t even notice it because he is too busy looking at Madi... I mean, another direction.

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com (all the gifs above)

Kevin doesn’t look very happy with the idea of dancing and still he doesn’t protest.

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/616600065662926848/kevin-x-madison-height-difference

This gif doesn’t show it, but he turns his head and watches Madison as she walks away just like on gif number 4.

Siding with her during a conversation with Kate.

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com (all the gifs above)

Comforting Madison.

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/618991372262916096/kevin-looking-at-madison-nothing-but-blue-skies

He isn’t smiling here, but does this seem to be a person that is annoyed with the other? He has soft, delicate, gentle eyes while looking at her.

And this whole thing about Kevin despising Madison and only tolerating her because of Kate is even more ridiculous because on this scene he is basically begging her to invite him to come inside.

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/616600065662926848/kevin-x-madison-height-difference

If he thought her company was so unpleasant, why would he accept it in the first place? He could’ve left and gone to Rebecca’s house instead, or come back after Toby got back from work, he could’ve called Randall, or Nicky, or simply gone somewhere else to make new friends because it’s not like struggles when he socializes with strangers.

And here is what Madison had to say about her night with him:

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com/post/617836054621339648/do-you-want-to-know-why-i-think-i-slept-with

He made her feel comfortable enough to be her true self and he ended up spending at least a few hours with Madison. He spent the night at her place and only left the next morning... If her presence were so repellent, why didn’t he leave after the sex? Madison didn’t point a gun at him and forced him to stay. Even after he woke up, he kept lying next to her on the bed without a shirt on... Plus, there was the option of leaving without saying anything while she was asleep, but he didn’t do that.

Actually, the only time I believe Kevin was rude to her was at the hospital, but you have to analyze the context: his sister went into early labor, there was an endless list of possible complications to the baby and herself, it took hours until Kevin got some information, Kevin had been drinking, he was dealing with his failed attempt to connect with his uncle, the frustration of having relapsed after an entire year of being sober, feeling guilty for lying to everyone about it and the fear of losing Zoe because of those lies. He was going through A LOT. Those were probably some of the hardest hours of his life. Yet, at first he treated her just fine, it was the fact she wouldn’t stop talking (because that’s the way she was coping with the situation and usually what he does too when he’s sober, btw) that he said those things to her. Now, I don’t drink, but as far as I know people on hangover usually have headaches so it’s not weird that they will avoid noises and I remember Kevin saying a few minutes before that he was on hangover.

I also remember that he immediately regretted it and apologized to Madison, but she didn’t listen and left (I don’t blame her). And when she walked away he was hit by a dose of consciousness and realized his was being “an ass” and apologized to his family. She wasn’t the only one, he was snapping at everybody, because it wasn’t Madison, Randall or anyone else that was annoying him. It wasn’t personal. It was the stress of the entire situation that was making Kevin take it out on everybody. Plus, even though he didn’t specifically snap at Zoe, when he went outside to get some air and clear his head, she offered him company and Kevin shut her out.

CREDIT: https://thisiskevison.tumblr.com/post/618572824853069824/im-sorry-what-exactly-are-you-doing-here

By the way, Kevin bumped into Madison when he was getting out of the elevator and attempted to apologize for a second time.

Another scene people use as an ‘example’ of rudeness is this moment on the season finale, but I sincerely disagree. Here’s why:

Kevin was in the middle of a heated fight with his brother and that was almost getting physical when Madison arrived for the party.

And when she showed up at the door he just told her the truth: it wasn’t a good time.

Now, does that look like an angry, utterly annoyed and disdainful face for you? Because the way I see it, it’s just a guy who’s weary and not in his best state of mind, which is comprehensible since he was in a middle of an argument, his mother’s health is deteriorating, Randall had talked her into doing a clinical trial in the other side of the country despite her previous refusal and that’s just SOME of the heavy stuff he was dealing with at that specific moment.

However, Madison doesn’t bother and enters the place anyway.

And Kevin doesn’t yell at her, protest or leaves, he just lets her in and closes the door.

Again: does this look like he hates Madison so much like some people make it seem?

THIS is being annoyed and/or angry:

CREDIT: https://rostovarps.tumblr.com/post/165520445651/kevin-pearson-in-this-is-us-01x07-the-best

CREDIT: https://adyadintheforce.tumblr.com/post/177326964546/shame-on-all-of-us

And this is just being upset, tired, feeling like all your energy has been drained out of your body:

If you watch the scene, his face on the picture above and on this gif has identical expressions:

CREDIT: https://ltbelanna.tumblr.com/post/189147462109/this-is-us-4x08-sorry-im-sorry-me-too-see

And really, how did these people expect him to react? Did they expect him to smile, kiss her and propose a second round of hookup? His reaction made perfect sense to everything that was happening at the time.

Do they believe things would’ve been different if it had been someone else at the door, like Kate’s neighbor Gregory or somebody from her support group? Do they think that if it had been another person he would’ve hugged them, offer coffee and crack jokes? That the problem was Madison and not the situation he was in with Randall and Rebecca? 

Anywaaaay, by the end of their conversation he had already softened up and was even slightly smiling at her. 

CREDIT: https://millennial-mess.tumblr.com/post/613565105725194240/im-so-sick-of-chasing-ghosts-im-tired-of

CREDIT: https://madsdefencesquad.tumblr.com/post/620438418688704513/you-da-best

Sure, it wan’t a wide smile because it wasn’t like his problems had disappeared all of a sudden, but he had found a silver lining in the midst of everything.

And being exhausted, upset, annoyed, stressed or angry is part of the human experience and part of being in a relationship of ANY KIND: romantic, platonic, familial. Taking it out on someone can happen sometimes as well. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows. People are not perfect. People are not robots. They navigate through negative feelings and emotions too. It’s how things are in real life and also how things are on television, specially on This Is Us, which is a show that focuses on relationships and emotions.

Jack and Rebecca, Beth and Randall, Kate and Toby, Randall and Kevin, Kevin and Kate, Nicky and Kevin, Kevin and Sophie, William and Randall, Kevin and Cassidy all had moments like this... The list goes on. Would the same people define these relationships/friendships as unsuccessful and fake because of a few unfriendly moments? I doubt it, because what really defines a relationship as healthy and successful is the people’s ability to recognize their own mistakes, forgive each other, work on themselves as individuals and as friends/a couple/a family and getting even closer and stronger after facing the hardships. It’s not smiling, talking, hugging and kissing 24/7 because nobody does that. Maybe for a few days and weeks, but you won’t last even a month behaving like this, let alone YEARS.

And the complications are also what keep the story interesting and engaging. I don’t mean something like toxicity and abuse, but if couples, relatives and friends don’t disagree, argue and face problems out and within their relationship, the show doesn’t go anywhere. There must be conflict. There must be drama. And there must be happiness. It’s about balancing these aspects out.

If they want to watch something that’s always sunshine and rainbows and where the characters are always happy, they should watch a TV show targeted to three-year-old children, because honestly This Is Us has never been and will never be this kind of show. 

And we know Kevin has a pregnant fiancee on season 5 and since This Is Us is not a soap opera, I seriously doubt Kevin will go out there impregnating multiple women with multiple children and multiple sets of twins. I reckon it’s safe to say it’s Madison. That means they will go through one of the most amazing and yet vulnerable and challenging experiences two people can ever face and instead of pulling them apart, it will only bring them closer to the point they will get engaged. For me, this sounds like a relationship that is DEFINITELY WORKING.

[euphoriacrossing]

So while I sit here trying to get normal balloon spawns...

I may as well write a blog. I am using a guide post on how to catch normal balloon spawns to try and get more cherry blossom recipes. Well I am only half using it.. I am camping on the beach waiting for normal balloon spawns instead of going there every 0/5 ending minute. I'll share the guide on here after this if I remember, but I already got one new cherry blossom recipe just by camping on the side of the beach that balloon spawns are coming from and ignoring the bunny day balloons, so I think this could work, too.

Anyway, now story mode is over, but I still have so, so much to do that it's not even funny. I am making it my main priority to save miles up to buy all the different paths and stuff. I think I have three left to buy so roughly 6,000 miles to earn. But saving miles means making less bells as Nook mile trips are where I made the most, I think. And now I can't take them because I have no miles/am saving miles and so I don't have the bells to pay off my house or to build a new bridge or any of the things I am saving for. But in part the fact it is harder to save bells just makes it feel like I have more to do and that is comforting in a way. I want the appeal of this game to last forever but I know my brain doesn't work like that. Still for now it's the best distraction I have and I'm grateful for it.

Having the ability to make paths is tough because it's just another million decisions to make and hope I get it right or can redo it better or whatever, so that Euphoria becomes the island I dreamed it could be. Right now I have a lot of dirt paths and I think they look okay. But I plan on redoing them someday with either custom paths or maybe just the arched tile ones... I like that path style. Still I started when I just had dirt so I just kind of kept going that way.

It looks alright, I think, especially at the entrance. I haven't finished a lot of the paths on either the right (residential) side or the left (wooded area/orchard) but I have mostly finished the center which is shops and such.

(So far I've gotten a normal balloon spawn every 5 minutes! So it works to just hang around the beach and then look for the spawns at every 0 and 5 ending minute. Edit: Aw, nope just didn't get that last one... I am probably doing something wrong then. Oops Edit2: Definitely doing something wrong. Didn't get a spawn again. Oh well I'll check the guide again once I finish this post. I am also watching for wishing stars so it won't be a total waste.. though I haven't seen any of those either. Last edit: Guide said spawns don't happen every time AND I just got another regular balloon, so maybe I'm fine? I hope I am not just wasting time.)

I am moving most of the houses before I do the paths on that side which is ANOTHER expense for sure, but after seeing a couple of my friend's islands, I knew I could make the houses probably a bit straighter and I decided I want them not quite as closer together as I want everyone to be able to have a yard. One of my friends has houses that are PIN straight and have little yards to them. I don't think I can accomplish that. But I do think I can space them out far enough to fence them in and have little yards.

So I started with the last to move in which was Marina. I put her in a space both by the beach, and by my house because even though she just moved in we're absolute besties. No but honestly, I love her. She sings like everywhere she goes and it's adorable.

I would move Beau next but I think he might stay close to where he is. Unfortunately if I have to move him a little bit I first have to move his house out of the way and then move it back because you can't move buildings just a tad, you have to find a whole new spot. This is why I had to move the whole museum to a new spot as it was slightly out of line and i couldn't just move it to where it lined up. I wish i had known this when i put things there. I didn't take care placing anything because I knew it could be moved. I only ASSUMED it could be moved a small amount as well especially since I assumed correctly that you were paying for it. But no, so oh well, now I have to come up with new spots for things, that's fine. Luckily both Nook's Cranny and the Able Sisters I got in perfect alignment with resident services like I wanted to so they're all on one straight path.

Anyway, I hope I can get it looking like i want it to. I thought that decorating it how I wanted would be the hardest because I still need to find all the furniture. But the paths might give that a run for it's money when we talk about difficulty level if you include trying to get all the houses in the right position and such.

But as hard as I've been "working" (it's definitely still fun or I wouldn't do it) I have found plenty of time for play as well. Yesterday morning I visited a friend for her KK Slider concert. I luckily have a good group of friends from a discord I'm part of and a lot of them are from other countries so they experience stuff before I do and things like that. So a bunch of us visited her for her KK concert and we did some of that...

And then things got a little wild...

Lol, it was fun. I thought for a second about the state of the world but I didn't panic thankfully. I just saw a bunch of us coming together from across the globe, some of us in quaratine, almost all of us at least ADVISED not to go out unless necessary. The world is a scary place right now, but the fact we could still come together from across the globe to be silly and enjoy a game together makes me feel like everything might be alright. I mean, it would still be cool even if these things weren't going on, but the fact they are abd socialization is becoming more difficult than ever, it's cool to see an alternate means of that in action.

I can't believe I took no pictures of her super straight houses, ugh, if I go again, I will have to, they are literally perfect.

And the weirdest thing about all of this to me is how included i feel in all of this. We're all on a small AC discord together and it seems like a lot of them have maybe known each other a while. But unlike a lot of other places it doesn't feel cliquey to me. I've always been welcome to come to their islands, and they have always been very courteous when any of them have come to mine. They act as happy to see me as they do anyone else. And I've only known them a short time so it would usually feel strange to call them "friends" but it doesn't. Now obviously they could feel differently but if they do they don't show it. I am incredibly grateful to have found them. I really couldn't ask for a better group of people to play with.

I actually was invited from this tumblr. Likely after I made some kind of post about not feeling like I belonged in the AC community or something similarly emo and whiny, I'm sure. So I am surprised I was invited at all, but I am so thankful I was. It was just what i was looking for in the AC community.

(Yes! I learned cherry blossom umbrella! Balloon hunting is going fairly well considering I only had like two of the cherry blossom DIYs total before I started and now in about an hour I've doubled that.)

I do have some facebook friends and such I have play AC with, and I am also grateful for them as well of course. It has brought us closer together and I am thankful for that. I have one friend who we constantly send each other gifts like if we accidentally got two of something or a DIY we already have or just if we think something is cool, it's really fun. I enjoy mail as much in game as I do in real life.

But yeah, I was nervous when this game first came out that I would be stuck playing just with my sister. And don't get me wrong I love playing the game with her, we always have a good time. But sometimes you need socialization beyond your own family and I really saw this as my one chance to connect since I'm not very social, I am very anxious, and I just struggle with these things. I may have been right about it being my best chance at connection because I can hide a lot of the awkwardness in game. Very thankfully though, I found people who accept what I can't hide in game. And who accept me. For some reason that's just been really hard to do. Every community I am a part of I feel like an outsider until now. But yeah, I am looking forward to a continued friendship with these people and continuing to enjoy the game moving forward.

I guess I've rambled enough. I still need to get more balloons, but I can't write here forever. Though... I frequently do write far too much here and I wonder if it get read. If it doesn't I don't blame ya. But yeah. I will leave you with this adorable pic I took while Marina was singing... you can't really tell she was singing, but still, she's adorable either way.

(And don't you love this dress? I have it in I think 4 different colors, I just love it.)

[quokkalatte]

Affinity pt.2

Part 2

Category: Series

Pairing: Street Racer!Hoseok x Cat Hybrid! Reader

Warnings for this chapter: slight tiny mentions of blood and past abuse, slight language

Author's Note: Honestly this is mostly a filler chapter so it's just not that.....good? idk but I hope you enjoy ♡ as far as posting goes, it may be a bit before I get the next chapter out out I go back to school tomorrow and I'm working too so yeah XP

Tag List: @xinnieally @twilight-loveer @zhangyixingxing1 @jhopespanda @smeunjipark @kaguracysan @timberkat @wxnnabewitch @dust-er130 @sweetcoffeeblandtea @lokathefemale @fairy-lover13 @chari-a @olaxeiii @aejae-ssi @queenofthecliff @dragonwitchgaming @lifeisnorainbow @2seokkyo @chisana-himawari @serendipitiousbutterfly @unknownbluekey @katkit73 @bang-zero

Cannot be Tagged: @musicandbooksandfoodohmy @honeylovetae @lilacbaby11 @cat-the-caitlin @hobi_isadaydream

[Message me to be added to the tag list so you can be notified for future chapters]

× × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × ×

Hoseok waited patiently for you to finish your shower, sitting in the living room to get his heart rate down. He assessed the situation, he was now the owner of a hybrid, not only a hybrid, but one that has been through a lot and still manages to be completely innocent. He also assessed that he had absolutely no clue how to care for one. We're there regulations? Special diets? Oh no did he have to take you to get fixed? The actual thought of taking you to a vet had him experiencing waves of anxiety. He was so worked up that when you walked into the living room he didn't even notice.

"I'm finished" you say, and he jumps and looks up at you. You were clean, ears still slightly damp but had a small shine in the black and grey. Your tail, sticking through the baggy grey sweats, flickered nervously. Now that it was clean, be could see where the clumps had been pulled out. Some pink patches poked through and Hoseok's heart clenched uncomfortably at the sight, and he has reminded of your hands. He licked his lips, a nervous habit, and stood up and walked over to you. You watched him curiously,  and he hands came to your own, and you flinched slightly, but he turned them over.

The skin was a pale red color, the skin still freshly aggravated and probably caused pain. There were slight droplets of blood, but nothing to serious. "Does it hurt?" He asks gently, and you avert your eyes, staring down at your hands.

"No, it doesn't" it was a lie, that was obvious. Hoseok frowned, how many times had you had to keep your pain from Yeonsoo, afraid of being punished further.  

"It does kitten, and if you're hurt you should tell me. You won't get in trouble I promise" He says, and you nod. He let's go of your hands, and goes into the bathroom, rummaging under the sink and pulled out a med kit. When he returned to the living room, you were still standing  where he had left you. He gestured to the couch, taking a seat. You hesitantly sat next to him, your tail curling around your waist securely. He opens the med kit and sets it on the coffee table.  He takes the opened box of gauze and antibiotic cream, and a couple of alcohol patches. You frown, seeing that everything had been used before.  

"Do you get hurt too?" You ask, looking up at him. Hoseok shrugs, ripping open the paper of the patches and pulling out the potent cloth, the smell making you wrinkle your nose as it stung your nose.

"I get scratched a lot when I work with tools. I work as a mechanic and I'm bound to get cuts and bruises. This'll sting a bit, but it'll help" he says and presses the pad to your skin. You hiss, ears pressing flat against your head and tail clenching tightly. A small whimper followed as he wiped the other. Hoseok whispered out a couple of 'sorry' and 'it's okay you're doing great' and applied some antibiotic cream to them, which soothed the burn instantly. "I also used to race motorcycles, and I got road rash a couple of times" he added. You listened intently, your eyes looking up to his concentrated face. He wrapped your hands in the gauze, and when he finished, he gave you a small smile, which made you let out a small purr in thanks.

"Thank you master- I mean Hoseok" you correct yourself quickly and he laughs.

"No problem kitten. Now, there isn't much I can do for your tail, it's already healed" he says, and you glance down at your abused tail, and it flicks self-consciously. "But I'll ask Namjoon what I could put on it. His cat hybrid Jimin used to scratch his as a nervous habit before he was adopted, and Namjoon put something on it to heal the bare patches" he babbles.

"He would pull it when I wasn't paying attention" you told him, and he frowned

"Yeonsoo?"

"Yes. I would daydream, and if I wasn't listening or answer him, he'd pull it to get my attention. Or he did it if I messed up or did something wrong" your voice was quiet, and Hoseok wanted to comfort you, but he feared you'd flinch away if he tried to pet you.

"You don't have to worry about that anymore Y/n. Yeonsoo won't get his filthy hands on you ever again, not if I have anything to say about it" Hoseok says firmly, and a spark of warmth crept up his spine when you smiled radiantly at him. He returned a small one back."Let's get you to bed"

You had instantly curled up as soon as you fell on the bed, pulling the blanket over yourself and closed your eyes. Hoseok stood in the doorway for a moment. You looked so small, and the baggy clothes didn't help either. You just looked so fragile and he had the same urge to protect you like he did the first time he saw you. A lot has happened in in the past few hours. He made sure you were firmly asleep before walking down the hall and into his own bed to sleep.

There was a dilemma when he dressed for work in the morning. You'd be left alone, and he wasn't sure if he liked the thought of that. You laid out on the couch, stretching out in a cat-like way as you watched him throw on his uniform and pour coffee into a thermos as he rambled on about leaving you at home alone. He was a very interesting human, one that could keep his cool and act nonchalant one moment, and completely be flustered and inadequate the next.

"I don't mind staying at home alone Hoseok, honest" you peer at him from fallen on your face. Hoseok glanced at you, buttoning the navy shirt of his uniform and a piece of bacon dangling from his mouth. You giggled at the sight, and he quickly chewed the rest of the bacon.

"Are you sure? I feel guilty, I could take you in with me" he says, a bit to himself. You wrinkle your nose in distaste.

"No offense Hoseok, but the thought of spending the day in a shop that reeks of motor oil and sweat isn't my idea of a fun time." He laughed and you sat up, taking a piece of bacon and chewed it happily.

"Alright alright, I'm just nervous"

"Really? Couldn't tell. I'll be okay, I've been left alone plenty of times" you say, and Hoseok sighs, and nods

 "Okay kitten." He nods, and walks towards the front door, but freezes and turn back around.

"What do you eat?" He asks suddenly. You cock your head at him, confused.

"Uh, food?"

"What kind? What do you like? Is there a certain thing I should he feeding you?" He asks

"Lots of kinds. I like fish, but not crabs. I can't have regular milk, the fat content makes me break out into hives and I get a belly ache. Ma- He always complained I was expensive and cost him money to feed. I like almond milk even though it has a weird after taste." You say. "And they have supplements for hybrids, like vitamins but I don't need themas long as I get plenty of meat and liquids" you say. Hoseok repeats this under his breath, and nods.

"I don't have any almond milk, but I have fish sticks somewhere in the freezer. But help yourself to the fridge kitten what's mine is yours" he smiles at the way you grin. "I should be home around 5 okay?"

"Okay Hoseok" You yawn, already prepared to take a cat nap in the patch of sun that peeked through his blinds. Hoseok chewed his lip, still unsure of leaving you alone, but you looked content enough, so he grabbed his car keys and headed out to the garage.

 "I'm telling you Hobi, it's a piece of shit. I don't know why you continue to drive it" Kim Taehyung scrunches his nose when Hoseok pulled into the shop. "And it's hideous as well" Hoseok rolled his eyes, stepping out and running a hand through his hair.

"Tae, your specialty is muscle cars, not race cars.  So shut up about my baby she's doing fine" Hoseok pats the hood of his beloved car. No, it wasn't the one he raced with, but it was an older car, and he was attached to it, he better be he fixed it from the ground up. Sure it likes to stall when turning on and the paint needs a new coat, but it was his child. Taehyung chuckles at Hoseok's words, taking a drink of his Pepsi.

"If you call two seconds away from falling apart 'okay' then sure, it's just peachy"

"Don't you have someone's oil to change" Hoseok says hauntily, and Taehyung huffs and slinks back to the back of the garage. Hoseok pulled the buliten down from his desk, checking the recent repos and bring-ins of the week. There had been at least 20 cars repoed for missing payments, which meant 20 angry phone calls he wasn't ready to deal with.

He worked diligently, the garage kept busy with fixing cars and getting them out to their respectable owners, and Hoseok was busy trying to negotiate with angry customers about getting their cars back.

"All you need to do is go to the Repo office off of Dowchien Street and file some paperwork, and pay the fee to get your car back" Hoseok sighed as the old woman cursed him about how she was missing several doctor's appointments and having to take the bus to go to the store. "Ma'am I just take and hold the cars, you need to go to the head office to get it back" Hoseok pressed his knuckles against his skull, rubbing the area as he was cursed out more before the lady finally realized that he wasn't going to give her car back without visiting the office.

"She sounded delightful" Namjoon grinned at Hoseok in the doorway of his office. Hoseok glared up at him, standing and stretching.

"Oh yeah, if you like hearing about irritatable bowel syndrome and bunions needing to be removed" Hoseok shivered and Namjoon laughed. "Put me in a car and on a road any day this day job shit is killing me" He groans.

 "You're the one who wanted to use the shop as a cover Hobi" Namjoon so wisely pointed out. "And you don't hate it either so quit your whining"

"No but I do hate angry people yelling at me for them not making car payments" Hoseok walked past Namjoon and entered the back of the garage. Taehyung and a couple of other employees bustled around repairing different aspects of the cars.

"Hmm if only everyone could see Seoul's Drift King now" Namjoon teases and Hoseok flipped him off as he reached into the mini fridge and pulled out a water bottle, taking a long drink. "So how's your kitty doing?" Namjoon asks

"Okay, I think. She's really jumpy, but she let me dress her hands, does that mean something?"

"Means she trusts you. Took me 3 months before Jimin would be in the same room as me. "

"She still flinches when I touch her though" he frowns

"Can you blame her? I'm not sure she's had a kind touch in awhile.  Give her time Hobi"

"You're right" Hoseok sighs.  "Do you still have that stuff you used on Jimin's tail?"

"Sure, I always keep some in case his anxiety acts up again. Why?"

"Yeonsoo did a number on Y/n's poor tail, she's missing clumps of fur"

"Asshole." Namjoon mutters darkly. "You should have seen him when you left. He got out of his car and vowed to exact revenge or some site evil villains say in the movies. But I'll bring a bottle over for you"

"Thanks, and I'm not too worried about him. I can handle him" Hoseok says.

"If you say so. We've got a new, ah, 'shipment' coming in on Tuesday, are to ready?"

"Aren't I always?"

Hoseok was relieved when he went home that night. He wondered if you were okay. Sure you've been left home before but it didn't feel right just leaving you to your own devices for the whole day in a new place. He stopped by and grabbed take out, not in the mood to cook anything for dinner. He parked in the garage and grabbed the take out, unlocking the door and entering the house. When he stepped in he sensed immediately something was off. It was too quiet. He frowned, glancing around the dimly lit hallway "Y/n?" He called out, inching into the living room. A creak had him on edge and tense. He grabbed a the baseball bat that leaned against the garage door, gripping it tightly as he entered the living room.

You were standing there, wide eyed and chest heaving with breath. Your fur was fluffed out to the max, and your eyes laid on the baseball bat. You wailed, throwing yourself to the floor in front of his feet and grabbed his legs. Hoseok yelped in shock, staring down at you.

"I'm sorry master I'm so so sorry! I w-was just walking and my tail hit it and it fell over! Please forgive me I know I'm a bad cat" you cried, pawing at his shirt and burying your head into his hip.

W-What? Y/n what are you talking about" he frowned, still confused. Your body wracked with sobs, your words incomprehensible. Hoseok set the take out on the counter and dropped the bat to the floor, the crash making you jump and squeak. He pried your hands from his shirt, and knelt down so you were face to face.  

"Calm down Kitten, just tell me what happened" he says slowly, and you whimpered.

"The vase. I broke it. I'm sorry" you say, cheeks puffy and tear tracks down your face.  Hoseok looks over your head and sees the vase that had been sitting on his TV Stand was smashed on the floor in a thousand pieces.  His eyes widened and he immediately began searching your body.

"Are you hurt? You didn't cut yourself did you?" He asks. You hiccup, frowning

"W-what?"

"Did you cut yourself on the glass?" He demands,  checking for any sign of blood.

"N-no I- you aren't mad?" You sputter, frowning. You were sure you'd face punishment for breaking his possession. You hadn't even been here long and caused an accident, and you thought for sure Hoseok would be angry and throw you out.

"No I'm not mad Y/n" Hoseok sighs in relief. "I'm just happy you aren't hurt."

"But....but I broke your vase" you frown at him.

"To be honest, you saved me a terrible story to explain to my sister why I got rid of the ugly vase she'd gotten me for Christmas. Now I can say my hybrid accidentally knocked it over" he smiles and you frown

"So I'm not being punished?"

"No it was an accident Y/n" Hoseok frowns and you nod your head in understanding. "Are you hungry?'

"A bit" you admit.

"Good. I brought home take out" he says, standing up and grabbing a broom and dustpan before sweeping up the broken vase, careful not to miss any pieces that could imbed themselves into any soft fleshed feet. You watch him as he worked, still slightly expecting to get yelled at, but after a few minutes you relaxed when it appeared it wouldn't come. Hoseok pulled down two plates, piling on steamed rice and chicken and vegetables and a bunch of assorted foods he always got when he ate take out. He pushed the bigger plate towards you, and you eye it doubtfully.

"Why did you give me your plate Hoseok?" You ask, pushing it back to him. Hoseok shakes his head, pushing it back.

"I didn't. It's yours."

But there's more food on it" you frown

"Yes, I'm not too hungry tonight, and I got extra for you"

"All of it?"

"All of it" He says firmly. You nod, still unsure but when you began eating, it was difficult to stop with all the tasty things he had gotten you, but you didn't touch the gross smelling stuff on the side of the plate. Hoseok noticed this, as he ate the very thing you wouldn't. "You don't like Kim Chi?"

"No. It's gross and vile" you say firmly and Hoseok pouted.

"I'm not sure how we'll get along from now on, I love Kim Chi" he says, and affronted look on his face, but a glimmer in his eye showed that he was kidding,  and you giggled.

"I don't know, guess you'll just have to stop then" you smile mischievously at him and he laugh

"I don't think so kitten" he snorts and continues to eat. Oh god, he thinks, I think I can probably handle her.

[living-after-death-blog1]

The Day My Daughter Died.. (An introduction to the end and the beginning)

I received a phone call from my daughter's best friend, Alli, at about 2:30pm on that day. She told me that she had just left work and was on her way to my daughter's house, after receiving a frantic phone call from my daughter's roommate, Kenneth, who said that he had come home and found her unconscious, with a needle in her hand. He had called an ambulance, he had attempted CPR, and was now waiting outside of the house while the emergency personnel did their thing inside.

I think it was already pretty well established that my daughter was gone, and I think that this was probably communicated to me, but my brain literally wouldn't grasp it. I wasn't devastated; I was terrified. I spent the entire conversation (which was probably at least 20 minutes long) thinking that we didn't know anything yet, feeling like I was frozen, like everything around me was happening in slow motion, and that I was just holding my breath until the moment when Alli could finally get to the house and someone could tell us what was going on. I thought we were waiting to hear that she'd been trànsported or something. It honestly hadn't occurred to me until just now that simply knowing that Kenneth had attempted CPR should have been enough information to answer to the only question that was looping through my mind, over and over, until Alli arrived. "Is she breathing?"

I was 4 hours away, in another city.

Once Alli arrived, there were people everywhere; policemen, emergency responders, tons of neighborhood spectators, and Kenneth, the roommate. I was still on the phone, waiting, while he and Alli had a brief conversation, which I couldn't really hear and I finally interrupted to ask what I thought we'd been waiting to find out this whole time.. "But.. is she still breathing?"

At that point, I heard Alli take a deep breath and, very slowly, and with such pain, she said the words that made it real.

"No, Stephanie. She's gone."

I remember taking a deep breath and saying, "Okay."

It almost felt like, "Well.. Here we are. This is actually happening. You know, that thing that happens to other people, but not your child, not you? It's happening. Right now."

Another deep breath, and once again, " Okay.. "

I remember thinking that I needed to hold it together somehow, because I was going to have to handle and figure out a lot of things, and I really, really needed to be able to think. I just had to think. Figure this all out somehow, as if it were a problem that could be solved.

I did what I've always done when I need to call upon an extreme coping skill. I stopped feeling, and I started thinking. Intellectualizing, my therapist, Becca, the one from my daughter's first treatment center, used to call it.

I called upon that skill in that moment. Think. Think about what other people are going through, feeling, experiencing. Think about how everyone else feels, so you don't have to look at what this really is. Don't even get close to it.

That is the moment that I apologized to Alli for having to be the one to make such a horrible phone call, telling someone's mother that they are dead, and thanked her for being that person, at the same time. I thanked her for being a good friend. I told her I loved her. Said I'd be available for the police or whoever needs to speak to next of kin, and told her to give them my number.

I called my boyfriend first, in a panic; I had to get home, I had to get to Houston, and I had to get there NOW. I couldn't drive, and all I could think was how I needed to get there, I had to get there, and I needed to get there NOW. No answer.

I called my ex-husband (not the father of my daughter, but of two sons, ages 15 and 18, at the time) and, not realizing that the boys were in the car with him or that he had answered on speaker, I started screaming that my daughter was dead, she was dead, and I didn't know what to do. Of course, after finding out that the boys had overhead, I called both of them to apologize that they had had to hear me like that, to hear the news that way.

I don't remember very much of the next few weeks. The things I do remember are choppy, like random scenes from a movie, but I remember those things vividly.

I realized that I had to tell people. Who? Who is the first person you call to announce your daughter's death?

I called my mom first, I think, and I listened to her sob and repeat, "Noooo..." over and over.

I called my daughter's other grandmother, on her father's side, and I listened as she cried and kept saying, "Oh my god.."

I called my daughter's ex-boyfriend, Javi, the father of my granddaughter, who was 8 at the time, and he couldn't believe it, couldn't accept it, either; jumped in his car to go over there. I guess he needed to see it with his own eyes.

I spoke to another of my daughter's best friends, Jessica (she happened to text me, so I thought she already knew, and when I realized that she didn't, I told her to call me. She asked me, "How bad is it?" I said, "Bad."), and then she, too, immediately drove over to the house to meet up with Alli, Kenneth, and Javi.

I couldn't listen to any more breaking hearts at the moment, so as fucked up as it seems now, I just started texting people.

I texted my friend, Sarah, who, along with her entire family, have been like family to us. I don't even know how I said it. I think I said, "I'm so sorry to tell you like this, but they found her this morning, unconscious, with a needle, and she didn't make it. " Sarah immediately called me, and started screaming, " What? What? " as if she couldn't hear me. Her mind, too, couldn't seem to allow this to be real.

I spoke to my friends, Theresa and Joie, sisters, and they immediately offered all kinds of practical help that hadn't even occurred to me, such as setting up a GoFundMe account to pay for funeral expenses. I had been laid off from my job of over ten years several months prior, and so all of the life insurance policies and everything I'd been so used to just having were no longer available, and I had nothing.

Joie also posted on Facebook on my behalf. It was the only way I could think of to let everyone know, especially my daughter's friends, and it was because of all of these people, and so many more, that I have managed to get through this last year.

I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful people in my life, but I am surrounded by them. The GoFundMe account reached over $5000 within a couple of days.

My daughter's best friend from middle school is a hair and makeup artist, and she flew in from Colorado to make sure that she was the one who did the makeup for the viewing. That was always their thing, and even though my daughter's addiction had driven them apart over the years, Vikki had to do this one last thing for her friend, and I was happy to have her do it.

Sarah's ex-boyfriend, who knew my daughter as a child, took care of all of the flowers and arrangements.

Sarah's mom has a friend who was able to make a dress for my daughter to wear during the viewing; an Alice in Wonderland dress, because that was always her thing.

Sarah and her mom had already found the cheapest most decent funeral home that they knew of (her mom had used the place for her own mother's service), so I literally spent the next few days just having to answer yes and no questions.

It turned out that since my daughter never divorced the father of her second child (my grandson, Isaac, who was almost 7 at the time), even though they'd been separated and out of contact for a few years (she was engaged to someone else for at least a year), he was her next of kin, not me, and this brought forth a whole host of issues. He doesn't raise their son, his mother does, because he is either 1) insane, 2) brain damaged from drug use, 3) currently using drugs, or 4) a combination of all of the above. These things made the entire process very difficult for me.

They tried to dictate who could be invited to the funeral, which I wasn't on board with. They threatened me by saying that they would have her body transferred to the funeral home of their choosing and they would let me know when and where to show up. They said I could not have any locks of her hair. They said they would not split up her ashes. They even dictated to me that she be cremated, because they somehow knew (having only known her for a few years, and not knowing her at all, really, for the few years prior to her death) that she wanted to be cremated and that she wanted her ashes spread over the ocean.

I won't ever be able to understand why someone would treat the mother of a dead child the way that they treated me, but I've just added them to the list of people I'll have to figure out how to forgive somehow, eventually.

Everyone showed up for us, and I was so grateful for the presence of every single one of them. People I hadn't seen or spoken to in years, such as my ex-husband's ex-boss's ex-wife, lol.

I placed a son for adoption when I was 19, and though I had met him in person once, he and my other kids had not met. He and my daughter had been talking a lot on social media, and he had planned to come visit and meet everyone in May, after he graduated college, but ended up coming in April for her funeral, instead. He never even got to hear her voice.

There is so much I want to use this blog for. I want to document my own journey through this grief. I want to talk about addiction and help destigmatize the way people view addicts. I want to offer resources and maybe even hope. And I want to remember my daughter.

Her name was Jade. She was 26 years old when she died. She was one of the funniest, coolest, most creative, beautiful people you could have ever known. Yes, the addiction was a part of her journey, her struggle, but she was more than that. And I intend to honor ALL of who she was, by speaking the truth.

The truth is that she died from the toxic effects of an accidental overdose of heroin and methamphetamine. But that's just one part of her story, and mine, and I need to tell them both, even if no one ever reads a single word I type. I need to tell these stories.

Since I started with her death, here is a photo recap of what there is to know so far:

#grief #overdose #addiction #loss #bereavement #grieving

[pbandjesse]

I was feeling a lot better but my allergies are going crazy and im having some trouble breathing. I just took some medicine but i really dont love sitting here wheezing.

Today was a much better day. I was all overheated last night and was probably annoying to James whining about it. But eventually I was able to sleep.

James got up at 630. Because. And I was like. No. So I stayed in bed for a while. He made us biscuits. From scratch. And eventually I got up. And then fell back down. James eventually pulled me up and we had breakfast.

Eventually we got ready to go. He packed his bag for his trip. And walked me to my bike.

I had a good ride home. And I felt energized for once. So i cleaned. Finally. My whole space feels so good right now. I cleaned for about an hour. I ran to the grocery store for anything I could need tomorrow. Since I won't leave my houseor shop on Thanksgiving. I decided to wear jeans today which made biking very hard. I cannot bend very well. Which became a theme of the day.

When I got back from the grocery store I sorted my laundry to do later. And then got ready to go. My bus was running early so even though I missed one as I walked up to the stop I still got on the bus very quickly.

I got to the school right before 12:30. And I got Right to Work filling up their paint palettes. Put some showed up. And we had a much better report today. Like we're both in a really good mood and just really jazzed about the day. And I really just sent a really good tone for how we would work with the kids. I did end up talking to Tiffany about some of my concerns and she said that she had had some as well. So I'm glad that we can have an open conversation about it. But it was nice being able to work with him and just be in a really good mood.

I ended up asking a whole bunch of questions about holidays in Ethiopia and how he feels about Western media's portrayal of his country. It was really fascinating getting to hear his perspective on everything.

And soon enough it was time to go get the kids. I really enjoy going down to their classrooms to grab them. I'm trying to introduce myself to other teachers so that I'm not just some random girl hanging out in the hallway. And eventually they all got dismissed and came upstairs.

It was a stellar day. We only had 13 students which was great. And having such a small amount of kids made the whole day just go so much smoother. I know we can't have that few kids all the time but man is it ideal.

We started the day with some rules about the 10th to try to evade some of the problems that we had yesterday. And I think that's going to help going forward. The kids really seem to understand the rules once I had them read them out loud. We went to recess and that was fine. Elijah did fall in a ditch and twisted his ankle and I had to give him a piggyback ride all the way back to the building. Because I didn't want him to have to lean on the kids and bounce which would have taken an hour. But he's real small so I didn't care about carrying him.

Dinner was just fine. They all ate fairly quickly and cleaned up with not much issue. We lined up and headed to the classroom. We were supposed to paint outside but it was just too cold and windy to do it. So instead we painted from the windows. And put some have made some few finders for the kids and so everyone use those to decide on what they are painting and then they just looked out the windows and painted what they saw. About 90% of the kids understood what they were supposed to be doing. But all of their work came out so nice. I posted a picture of my painting from yesterday my painting from stay above. But the kids work was just really fun. It was also really nice to be painting with them. Me and him both did one. Like he did his is an example to start with and then both of us just painted for the rest of class. It was really nice to have the kids run up to us and look what we're doing and then run back to their painting. It was like we were inspiring them in that moment and that was really cool.

Cleaning up was just fine. We didn't really have too many problems today. Fitsum had them all go around the room and talk about things that they were thankful for. And then I have them lined up in the hallway and we headed to snack. We have lost a couple students. Two are moving. One was suspended. One just decided to not come anymore. I know there's a mom that may have pulled him out of the program. So we may be getting a bunch of new students. But I think right now we're doing really well. Today was just really really nice.

It took a little longer to completely clean up our classroom. And then we headed out. I got home before 6. And basically changed and got right back on my bike to head to the 7-Eleven to pick up the package. Because the 7-Eleven down by the stadium has an Amazon Locker. And my new pillow came.

Wasn't a bad ride. I just never been there before so I was a little nervous about going the right direction. But it ended up being no big deal. Just a few blocks off of my normal path down to the harbor. I got my box and came back home. I played with sweet pea. I did laundry. I wash my sleeping bags for overnight switch I have a few coming up. And I need to be ready for. I had dinner. And I've been watching a really great YouTube series about Catherine the Great for the last hour. I'm excited to have the next day off. I'm still not sure if I'm supposed to go to work at ships on Friday. I told him yeah I really didn't want to but I would if she needed me but she never answered me after that. So I don't know if I'm supposed to be working. Which I find very obnoxious. Honestly at this point I really just want to say no. That she hasn't given me any concrete answer and that's not cool. It would be nice to just have another chill day off. But either way. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. My plan is to wake up early and have breakfast. I want to take a bath. I want to work on my art. Finish my diorama. Paint for a while. Maybe do some embroidery. I wish I had some watercolor paper because I would really like to start Making some plans for me and Jess's next project. But maybe even then with the paper I do have I can figure something out. I really hope to take advantage and have a nice day. I would like to take a nap at some point too. Just like all of my blankets on my bed surrounding me. I want everything to feel soft. I don't want to feel guilty about anything tomorrow. I hope you guys all have a nice day tomorrow. I hope you all have the day off but if you don't I hope the day is kind to you.

Good night everyone.