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syubub · 4 years ago

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BTS SOULMATES WORST HABIT/ QUALITY

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes and only my interpretation of the cards. Do not take it as fact~

Anon, I love this very much!! Thank you for requesting it!

Seokjin

I got: 7 of wands rev., Take a fucking trip ( Go see some shit. Do some new things. Talk to people cooler than you.), Stop obsessing ( You are not the centre of the fucking universe)

So. This person tends to get overwhelmed easily and can be a bit of a workaholic at times.

This is someone who gets so so so focused their failures and faults and stuff that they kinda become blinded by that

I pulled a clarity and got 9 of swords.

This really is someone who spirals in anxiety when things aren't going well and likely snaps at the people around them.

Its absolutely unintended but when they get overwhelmed they kinda detatch from the world and they can only see as far as their nose.

Likely gets so in their head that they forget things about other people and it can come off as being very self-centered, cold, bitchy ect.

Yoongi

Lol

A lot of cards came out.

We have: 2 of cups, Drop the fucking ego. (Vulnerability is hot as fuck.), Ask a fucking expert. (Don't rely on your friends or the Internet. Listen to a damn professional.), Stop fucking whining. (No one wants to listen to that shit. Complaining makes you weak. You have the strength to change your world-so do it.), You need a good fucking cry. (Get the ugly cry on. Let that shit go. Your soul will thank you.)

They tend to romanticize life to the point that they think that something will come and change their life for them

But that isn't how shit works

They have mad issues with getting vulnerable and admitting that they are struggling or that they aren't happy where they are.

Emotionally constipated lol

Definitely has a hard time letting other people in bc of trust issues

They don't really outwardly emote often so it all builds up.

They think that independence means you can't look for guidance and thats bad

Very much ignoring the work they have to do to get to where they want to be but still pretending like they are getting closer to it

Ugh

They have a lot of shit to work out in the emotions department

They also seem to just have a general lack of grounding.

Hoseok

Oki

I got: 10 of swords rev., the tower, Stop talking. (Shut your mouth and listen.) Winning. (You got a good thing going. Don't ruin that shit.)

This is someone who can't keep their foot out their fucking mouth.

Dear god.

Its all good intentions but they say way more than they need too and it can ruin things for them.

They also can be too open.

They also resist change too much.

They fear self change.

They couldn't give a shit about external change but breaking old habits and old patterns is something they just don't like to do

So as a result they don't ever challenge their views internally.

This can leave them with a shaky foundation (putting off that tower moment) of old views and outdated information.

This can make them pretty damn judgmental at times.

They just need to let the tower moment happen and reasses all of their beliefs to figure out what they truly stand for and who they are, not just what has been forced in them (societal, parental. Even friends)

Also likely gullible

EMBRACE INNER CHANGE

Jesus, you're gonna give me a fuckin migraine

Its frustrating because THEY KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO BUT THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO

I feel bad for your guides, hobi's soulmate.

JUST DO IT

Namjoon

...

I got: Hanged man rev., 2 of swords, What the hell are you waiting for? Get that shit done. (If you were waiting for a sign-well, here it ucking is.), Don't believe every shitty thought you have. (Thoughts can be lying, sneaky bastards)

This is a procrastinator.

They tend to avoid things when they are faced with things that are unpleasant or even really good.

They are frustratingly doing nothing.

Big big big avoider.

STOP DOING THAT

Doesn't really want to do better.

They are content where they are for the simple reason that they don't want to experience discomfort by actively going after what they truly want in life

THIS DOESNT HELP ANYONE

They are also VERY passive when they are procrastinating

Jimin

Bring it.

We have: The magician, You are loved. (You are here for a reason. Don't fuck it up.), Have you eaten? (Your acting like a big ass baby. You need food in your belly. Either fucking taco.)

Well okay then.

I think this ties into jimins soulmate reading so I won't go too indepth about that part. You can read his soulmate reading here (x)

BUT

The thing that makes this their worst quality/ worst habit is because they have every tool and all of the want to help their situation but just don't?

And specifically another thing is that no matter how much someone tells this person that they love them, that they are important and that they matter, this person DOESN'T BELIEVE IT. The actively try to convince themselves otherwise.

Actively

On purpose

Because they don't know what else is a personality trait.

Again go read jimins soulmate read.

It's not that anyone blames them for this or anything but they actively reject help at times and get pissy about their situation.

You know what you need to do to fix your shit. Do it. Don't use it as your fucking personality.

You are more than that.

Dear god.

Theres a lot to say here.

Whatever situation it is, they are so stubborn and determined to do shit on their own and they have every resource but they are scared to lose a defining trait.

Ugh

I have a lot I want to say about this but I'll leave it here.

Taehyung

Oki oki

10 of wands, 2 of cups, you're giving too many fucks. (Give zero) and figure shit out on your own.

So this is someone how tends to overwork themselves.

They don't really know when to quit? They seem to be very determined but to their own detriment at times.

They also tend to carry the burden in any social relationship. People tend to use them?

They go along with it because they have a lot to offer and a lot to give and don't always have the boundaries to keep people from taking advantage of them.

They honestly just give too many fucks.

They value human connection so much that they will let themselves be a fucking doormat.

They feel very isolated even though they aren't (when I do the second soulmate read I think I'll have some more about this then)

Jungkook

Oki

We have: the tower, 7 of swords, eat your fucking vegetables. (Eat some shit made by mother nature), dont talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone. (You need some fucking time alone. And you know why)

First thing. I heard, "The diet of a child" and then "gamer girl" umm.

I have 2 things.

1. They take bad care of themselves when they go through a rough patch and the trend sneak away from everything (probably lie to get out of whatever obligations or do some sneaky shit) and eat fucking lunchables and kids cuisine microwave dinners with energy drinks exclusively

2. They tend to be ridiculously picky irl. Or just can't cook for shit so they only eat coffee pot Ramen.

Pull yourself together.

Their worst habit is withdrawing from everything when things get rough.

They don't take care of themselves and they drink Monster energy drinks like a scene kid from 2010.

That's gross.

Pls stop

#bts #bts tarot #bts reactions #bts imagines #seokjin #jin #min yoongi #min suga #suga #yoongi #hoseok #bts jhope #namjoon #bts rm #rm #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #bts v #tarot

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years ago

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any headcanons about mental health / coping strategies for our fav warlocks and vampire? ;) we know quite a lot about magnus in canon but still, never enough lmao; and how about raphael, ragnor and cat? they all been thru a lot, poor babies, and im willing to bet you have thoughts on the matter *sly smirk*

well it depends on what they are coping WITH, u know daoidjsaodij different strategies for different problems and all that. i do think that magnus and raphael in particular have a lot of common coping mechanisms, because they taught each other a lot of shit. i also think there is a lot of stuff that had bothered magnus but he never stopped to think of a solution FOR until he started thinking of what he could do for raphael (and vice versa) because he is that kind of person

like when magnus and raphael are first shopping raphael notices that he likes vests and other stuff like that because of his hyposensitivity to pressure so it feels nice to have something that's like, tight around his torso, you know? so magnus is like great, let's get you lots of vests :)) and then he sees some he likes and tries them on and he's like wait a minute............. i DO like the pressure too....... have i been hyposensitive to pressure this whole time?? (spoiler alert: yes)

then for magnus of course we have drinking which is not his healthiest coping mechanism in any way lmao, but sometimes they do be unhealthy. again i don't think magnus is an alcoholic per se but he does have a suboptimal relationship with the way he turns to it to be able to cope with certain situations he can't escape. i presume this has a bit to do with the fact that he frequently is in stressful (not to mention sensory overloading) situations during parties and other events where you have lots of alcohol, so you know, drinking helps dull his senses and get rid of some of the anxiety. or if he's having a depressive episode, it can also make him more sociable, give him some energy, you know. so i think because it was something that was acceptable for him to use and that helped with many of his problems in social situations he can't escape, if became a coping mechanism (again, an unhealthy one)

healthier coping mechanisms tho! i think magnus also enjoys tea when he needs to calm down. we've seen him drinking tea quite a few times after having flashback episodes and i'm sure it's a coping mechanism to him. helps calm him down and also stay in the present because of the sensations, without overwhelming him because it's not a strong drink, you know? it eases him back into reality. it also can't hurt his insomnia, or, if it's already morning and he's had another insomnia episode, he can drink black tea and have some more energy. so all in all a good helper

magnus definitely stims magically! and uses magic a lot with a lot of his other problems like sensory issues for example. a place is too loud? he can use magic to dull the noises. same for colors, etc., although i think noise might be his biggest problem. and unwanted touch, which we all know magnus canonically hates, so of course there's that too. but also like, stuck in a talk with some boring clave member and he has to stay still even tho adhd mind all over the place? hands behind his back, playing with little sparkles between his fingers that no one can see. pretty much unnoticeable. i think some of his "party tricks" like lighting up the drinks blue and shit come with this purpose. it's just a quick magic letout. also helps a lot to deal with anger or panic, which commonly come very strongly when you have c-ptsd, but he's long learnt to deal with because his survival depends on keeping himself in check and not showing vulnerability a lot of the time

he also stims with his rings which we've seen a bit of. i think this is particularly important to him when it comes to keeping himself in the present, i.e. avoiding flashback episodes, intrusive thoughts and the like

i also think parties work as coping mechanisms in particular with the c-ptsd. sometimes the overstimulation of the ambience is exactly what he needs in order to keep himself from being taken by flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, depressive episodes, etc. like he can lose himself to sensation instead of being locked by his own thoughts, enjoy the company of other people even when he is too cagey or afraid to call his friends and be vulnerable with them, and have a letout for his heightened feelings of fear or insufficiency (caused by c-ptsd) through dancing in particular. it's pretty much canon that magnus uses dancing as a way to cope (see his scene with dot) so i don't see why a party isn't a good place to let out this kind of steam and self express without feeling too vulnerable at the same time

which is not to say that magnus doesn't genuinely enjoy parties, obviously he does. but coping mechanisms are frequently things that we do enjoy, so much so that they bring us comfort and strength when we need. it doesn't mean you only do these things because of your trauma. just that they can help with it

but there is ALSO his friends because look, we all know magnus isn't exactly winning prizes for his ability to ask for help, but the way he talked to alec about suicidal ideation and talking to someone if things get that bad obviously comes from experience, because when things get this bad there is really nothing else that works. and magnus has a lot of trouble with it - probably can only ever really ask for help when things get As Bad As They Possibly Could - but he does know he has a place with his friends when he needs. sometimes he doesn't even really open his mouth - just shows up at ragnor's, or, less commonly, catarina's (because she's busy with her job as a nurse and shit while ragnor does nothing but sit on his ass and be british all day), and ragnor takes a look at him and nods and magics another seat for him and magnus flops down. and ragnor waits to see if magnus is feeling like saying anything but if he's not, they just keep each other company as they do their things and ragnor serves him some tea. and it's nice and it works

as for raphael! definitely stimming all the time as well, and we know he self harms, which i think technically counts as a coping mechanism? coping mechanisms aren't inherently healthy or good djdndi so we have that for sure

and then just like, i think playing with his hands is something he does a lot in particular, like magnus, just keeping his hands behind his back and playing with them, or in his pockets and stuff. i think he "dissociates" a bit sometimes too. like sometimes full on dissociates but other times i think he just goes blank on the outside and inside is like, thinking about rosa or about food or his hyperfixations (astronomy? astronomy) so he doesn't have to be present and deal with whatever's happening. particularly useful with camille, because there are some things he has to do that he just wouldn't stand otherwise

and again canonically magnus, we have seen that. when rapha was tortured he didn't go to his clan, he went straight to magnus'. like yeah, magnus could heal him, but also, rapha stayed. he was still there chilling by the time simon came around. so he definitely goes to magnus when things get rough, and again whether it's to talk or just be with someone it helps a lot. i think raphael is pretty touchy with the people he trusts (book stans go away, yes i know book raphael is too edgy for feelings but i don't care and i'm not talking about him) and canonically so is magnus. and magnus' loft is one of the places he still feels safe to do that, it's his dad's place after all and definitely his home while camille is clan leader/in the first few months or years of him being clan leader

so like they can just cuddle or hug or be under a blanket together or rapha can rest his head on magnus' shoulder, or magnus can rest his on top of rapha's, and it's great. and he can talk about how he feels or be in silence, too

i also think dancing and listening to music are things he does to cope, possibly something he picked up from magnus. like sometimes he doesn't know how to let out steam and putting on a song and aggressively dancing is the only way he can channel feelings he doesnt know what to do with very well otherwise

also i think specifically with his grief over his family and other things he's lost, i think buying things and making little homages works. like making a scrapbook of his pictures with rosa, or the fucking whole ass CAR he literally doesn't need with the "ave rosa" plaque. i feel like raphael rarely buys things for himself unless they remind him of rosa, sunlight, guadalajara, etc., because it just helps with this constant grief he carries for them that he never really addresss lmao im fine

i think his charity work also plays that role. like yes raphael cares about others, of course he does, but he's also a whole ass catholic so i think "good deeds" like charity make him feel like he's just... doing something to ease his own monstrosity. feel more human, less guilty, less grieving. and also get some of the things he misses (like food) and some contact with people outside of the shadow world and also with other latines in general that he misses, you know? it's a relatively safe and familiar space that also helps ease his guilt for abandoning his family and becoming a monster a little bit, and just feel useful and occupied since he has so much time in his hands now and most of it is occupied obeying someone he hates. man, he needs so much therapy

but also like in the future as u know i think that he turns the dumort completely around, starts having plants and animals in the place, just makes it more upbeat and feel more like a family to all the vampires and improve their relations and it does him SO much good. both as a project and just as a ways of providing himself a better, more supportive environment, because the whole sterile thing they have going on fucking sucks. they deserve a lively and nice environment where they feel like a they have a home and i think it does wonders for EVERYONE'S mental health, particularly rapha's. and then of course cooking/taki's, and his partners join his support network too :)

as for cat, i think she throws herself into work to forget about her problems, feel useful, and just, cope. nurses work long hours and she seems to work particularly hard and i think this serves her the purpose of keeping her mind occupied from her issues. i also think it helps her feel more grounded/connected with the world, aka deal with the immortality angst. which sounds kinda paradoxal cuz she's probably watching ppl die with some kind of frequency, but like... she's also keeping in touch with new ppl, with discoveries in the medical field, she always has something to work on. it helps her feel like she is still a meaningful part of the world, instead of lost in time. and to give herself purpose too

but it's also not always healthy like when you are overworking yourself as an avoidance mechanism.... thats gonna get to u eventually. and cat needs a break and care as much as everyone else. i think again magnus and ragnor serve important roles in that sense, just people she can go to. remember the way cat showed up at magnus' and magnus was immediately massaging her shoulders? we stan

so they definitely take care of her in that sense. she also seemed pretty comfortable at lorenzo's party despite it all, so i think she also enjoys parties from time to time, although not as loud and clubby as, say, pandemonium. but cocktail parties or just a party at someone's house where she gets to dance and unwind and gossip with her friends a little bit? nice. i think cat is very sociable and misses not having ppl around which is also partially why she likes being a nurse - you get to know ppl pretty well in that job - but she also obviously needs lighter environments and she does well with groups of ppl even if she isn't a party animal the same way magnus is

and generally i think she enjoys anything sensorially pleasant like... drawing herself a bath, candles, going to get a massage from an actual professional every once in a while... i bet her house is full of incenses and always has some music playing (can be soft or can be upbeat, depends on her mood) but just generally the more pleasant sensations the better. food too

ohhh i bet she gardens!! it's so great to put her mind to rest after such an exhausting work and again the connection you feel to plants is very real. it's also nice because many plants live for a very long time (unlike most pets) so she can have them around and form long lasting relationships with them, you know? also, gardening is always useful for a warlock

and hhh ok i think i don't have any thoughts for ragnor? we know very little about him and I'm not sure what to make of him mental health-wise. also im tired and this is long, so jdbdidn maybe ill add more stuff if i feel inspired

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trailerparkflower · 6 years ago

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Borderline personality disorder + Steve Harrington?...

So I was thinking about how Steve acts in relationships, researched dependency from the partner and then found a lot of info about BPD, wich made me think what many of the disorder symptoms are very fitting to Steve and explains some things in his behaviour. Lets starts, guys!

Promiscuity.

All his teen life Steve been slutting around probably too scared for serious relationships (because its better that way, no one will leave him if he leaves them first), all charming and needy and touch-starved, calming down his desire for attention and affection.

Unstable relationships/idealization of the partner, lack of boundares.

Then he settled in the realationships with Nancy (who are brave and smart and oh, so stable), which turned out pretty much unhealthy from both of the sides, and Steve became so depended on his her to the point of breaking up his bounds with everyone else( including his probably childhood best friend Tommy) except her and planning all his life to revolve around Nancy.

Fear of abandoment, frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

He fears what Nancy will abandon him so much what he becomes even more clingy and needy, while she gains even more control in relationships and becomes a “top dog” (from Joe words). In ST1 we also see how insecure and jealous Steve was to Jonathan, his dramatic reaction on John and Nacny hug, jumping in conclusions without any evidences. He even breaks Jonathan camera in the begining just out of his “insecurity” (again, based on Joe interview), fear what Nancy and Jonathan have better understanding of each other. In other words, he afraid what Nacny will leave him for someone else and he will stay alone again. Steve Harrington canonically has big abandoment issues, probably cased by neglecting parents.

Needing attention+validation

Idk if I even should comment it. We all know what King Steve persona was build for getting attention, admiration and validation from others, know how much time Steve spends on his looks and hair, how pleased he is when Tommy and Carol have all eyes on him. When he doesnt get compliments from Nancy, he pouts and praises himself on his own because he needs that.... “see, a ninja”; “make sure you wont forget this pretty face”, ect. You ask me, Steve has the biggest praise kink in all Hawkins.

Inability to regulate emotion, difficultes with anger controlling. Impulsivity.

Steve is one yelling bitch. He is a soft boy, but when he gets really upset and angry, he becomes mean and yelly and acts without thinking. He tears apart his own essay because Nancy couldnt help him with it, he pouts, storms of the rooms, screams at people.

Getting upset easily + habit of blocking out intense painful emotions.

If you ask Steve how he doing, he probably will smile and say “peachy!”. Not because everything is really peachy, but because Steve prefers to ignore his own problems and things what makes him sad and pretend what everything is perfectly alright. He asks Nancy go to the movie and “pretend everything is normal for a few hours.”, says what his parents totally gave him hell for drinking beer but “who cares, screw them” and changes the theme. Tommy screams “run away, Stevie boy, like you always do!”, wich suggest us what Steve has a tendentions to avoid confrontations and stressful situations. He once again says Nancy go to the party and pretend to be normal teens in ST2 when she voices her concerns, and we see what ignoring problems and pretending is Steves constant coping mechanism for stress fear and sadness.

Distorted self-image.

Steves sense of self also seems to be instable and based on how people around him see him, like with Tommy he was a school bad boy, with Nancy he became a good guy, with Dustin he became a total soft dork as we see in ST3 trailer. He is unsure about his own goals, he doesnt knows who he is and who he wants to be, like wich job he prefers and what he likes to do in his life generally. Tending to base his own self on his relationships with other people, he gets complitely lost in the end of ST2 when Nancy is no longer with him.

Self-harm, self-desctuctive behaviour. Self damaging acts as drinking, drugs, vandalism.

Steve smokes, drinks, gets into the fights he cant win. Stands near Tommy when he writes about Nancy the slut and Jonathan the creep, runs away from cops. I would even say what his fight with Jonathan was quite maschostic, because Steve rilled him up and then barely protected himself and almost didnt resisted when Jonathan pushed him to the ground and started to punch non stop. Tbh for me it seemed like if Steve was so upset what he wanted some physical pain to blur his emotional one.

Dissociation, "zoning out"

Sometimes if you pay enough attention, you see Steve standing/sitting here with blank empty face. Usually it happens in stressful events, when he has some free time by himself. He also gets slow time to time, like hes habing hard time to concentrate. Cant be sure, but its does seems like zoning out. Im think there was even some parody video where people noticed what Steve sometimes gets blank faced and slow in the middle of the talk.

Paranoidal ideas, anixety, nervousness

Oh, this one is easy. You honestly wont find another ST character who is so full of anixety. He is fidgety, he hugs himself in a self-defense manner, he makes himself look smaller than he is, he constantly has the deer in the highlights look on his face, he cant think and act straight when he meets the Upside Down monster first time, so Jonathan even has to grab his hand and yank him to run. We also see how Steve is afraid of the goverment in the ST2, I would say its paranoidal behaviour-its seems like he does think what they are constantly being watched. Says what they will destroy their lives and families and changes the theme what Nancy wants to discuss.

In ST1 he is also ridiculously scared what his parents, dad especially, will find out what he drunk some beer, he gets so scared of this idea what he even calls Nancy and asks not to mention that to the cops, says what his parents will “Murder him”.

In ST2 he is also pretty freaked out by Billy, in basketball scene when he is pushed down and Billy holds his hand you can see what Steve is trembling and looks like he is going to cry. Im not joking guys, just rewatch the scene....Poor guy just cant have a rest!

Presistent feelings of emptiness & guilt

“I'm sorry? What the hell am I sorry for?”

No matter is he guilty or not, if Steve having a conflict with someone, most of the times he will feel guilty and be sorry, as we see in the show. He wants to apologize to Jonathan for telling him means things, saying, “I just wanna be good, make things right”, buys him new camera (and giving it to Nancy, not presenting it to Jonathan himself.), cleans local theatre, he says sorry to Nancy, calls himself a jerk, a shitty boyfriend (wich is kinda downgrading himself), wanting to bring her roses and say how sorry he is again. Dustin also easily kind of guilt trips (”you promised to protect us”) him to protect the party in the tonnels, while Steve clearly was against the whole thing, and feeling really unwell after getting his ass beaten by Billy.

Learning disability/scool problems. BPD can make it difficult for them to control the focus of their attention, to concentrate.

Steve plays it cool and pretends unbothered, but he actually tries hard to learn stuff. Even in ST1 we see in his room, what his table is covered by various homework papers. Its been shown what Steve having a hard time with study, what he is eager to be useful but not the smartest guy around, from his really chaotic essay and getting C-, to the Nazis comment. Its seems like he has some learning disability and doesnt even knows about it himself.

Its also a known hinted fact what Steve doesnt have a good relationships with his parents, especially with strict father, he even calls him a “grade A asshole”. By their absence in the series, when we saw all the main character families, Steve remains all alone in big house, wich makes us think about how neglecting they are. The thing is, “people with BPD have been found to be significantly more likely to having been abused by parents.”

During development, Joe Keery and the Duffers spoke about “what kind of family life [Steve] comes from and maybe this girl Nancy is quiet and listens in a way that other people haven't listened to him at this point.”-wich is pretty fitting to the portrayal of “neglecting, denying the validity of childnren thoughts and feelings parents”-that type of the bad parenting what BPD people mostly experenced.

“Parents were also reported to have failed to provide needed protection and to have neglected their child's physical care”, what gaves us the possible reason of Steves constant anixety and running away from the problems issues.

So, while we dont know can it be canon or not, I would say what there is high possibilities what Steve has BPD.

#steve harrington #BPD #character meta #stranger things #long post #harringrove

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itsthatsillygoose · 5 years ago

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Kit, a raggedy ass analysis

I wrote an analysis of forthbeam last week and y'all we're dragging the others to hell saying they weren't as complex so let me prove you wrong starting with Kit ft. a lot of Ming. If u want my summery Mingkit analysis it's the last paragraph on this post but I'll post it separately too:

Something that really intrigues me about kit is his capacity for other people’s attention. We see through out the first series that Beam is quite a ladies man and is seen many times trying to hit on the stars of the university but for Kit this is rare. Aside from Pha, Beam and Forth, Kit is rarely seen interacting with anyone one else closely and think that speaks volumes of his personality. He may be stubborn and sometimes aggressive but I think deep down he's compensating for a lack of security, all he really wants is that resounding feeling of safety and he finds that with in the tight knit friendship between him, Beam and Pha; and perhaps that’s what makes his relationship with Ming so infatuating.

Ming is the very definition of what Kit seems to avoid, he is bold and loud, clumsy with his feelings, a stranger. He's a player and doesn't need that sense of security like the other which seemed to be the biggest red flag to kit during their development. Imediately when the two first properly meet there’s a sense of surprise from the shorter when he finds that Ming still remembers him, and straight away he throws up his guard. Through out at least the series so far it's almost like Kit wants himself to hate Ming or at least he feels like he should; he knows Ming is everything he seeks to avoid and so he tries to act accordingly. He constantly seems frustrated around him but rather than being agitated by Ming, I think what's really bothering him is himself and the way he can't help but yearn for these moments of having the other around. Doesn't make sence right? Surely he'd be happy if he actually wanted to see him? Well you'd figure, but perhaps it causes Kit such anguish as he knows while having Ming around he loses control and he doesnt want to give him self the oppertunity to get to know him or like him as even just a friend,,, and so instead he snaps at him. Again I think this was a really subtle and lovely way of displaying Kits issue; he truly is an increadible example of head vs heart.

I loved looking deeper into these two as they appear to have such a typical dynamic of cat and dog, but I really think the second series explored so much deeper into their personalities and character. I think what is really being portreyed by these two is so much more than just a spunky journey of two boys in love. Really I think that we delve into dealing with the concept of searching for trust and a sense of clarity in not only someone else but yourself too. I do think that kit is perhaps the “protagonist’ of this idea. Ming is very much the big scary monster in the dark for him. Whether Kit had had partners before or not I'm unsure but I think the reason why Ming really affected him so incredibly was that he��d never been loved in such a way, so shamelessly and intensely, especially by someone like Ming. Someone he’s so unalike in so many ways. Really I think their arch isn’t about Ming breaking into Kit's abrasive character but rather Kit searching for truth and a reason to believe in ming and the insecurities on both ends of that.

We see many times that kit is appalled by Mings ways, for example the way ming had so many ex partners, this was such a big piece information to just be brushed over; infact its exactly what knocked kit so far from feeling like he could reach out and grasp onto Ming. Again referring back to before, I think kit really yearns for a sence of safety in everyone he brings close to him, a place to relax, someone he can trust enough to not hide behind his front; he doesn’t care to be played with or used so seeing that ming would throw away his past relationships so readily perhaps triggered that insecurity as he rightly so doesn't feel that sense of security with ming. He appears unpredictable to Kit, almost as if he throws his feeling around carelessly, but we know this isn't true and that in fact Ming is increadibly predictable.

We see more of this when Kit storms away at the beach telling ming to stay where he is (which he does). Personally this is still one of my favourite scenes as it's fucking bursting with emotion and crammed with developing concepts i've already mentioned but it really does just get me every time. There's so much to unpick, it really was the turning point for the two- at least in my eyes. It admittedly does just appear as if Kit got short tempered and barked at Ming who then got upset and sulked, but really the scene is a lot meatier. It was really a big eye opener for kit as though neither of them spoke about what happened, it really felt like they both knew Ming was proving to kit that he takes his word seriously, and isn't afraid to commit to him. Kit seemed guilty when the scene returned to him and the others drinking but when Ming was dragged in by another friend Kit seems shocked realizing he probably would have sat there all night if it had played out that way. Maybe he assumed ming had gone back to his room but the fact he didnt was such a slap in the face. I love this cause Ming stares at him sadly, knowing full well he's proven a point. Kit knows he's upset Ming and realises that rather than Ming not taking the idea of a relationship seriously, perhaps he himself was the one dismissing any chance of something real, some clarity. Maybe he was his own scary monster in the dark. He knows full well that Ming is harmless or else he wouldn't have appeared so guilty when returning to the hang out without him.

The whole beamkit scene where beam pulled a doozy on us and pretended he and kit were dating is another obvious telling of his character, (nines expressions in those few seconds were fucking ace btw, the absolute utter panic swirling into sorry eyes, then a punch in the gut and finally regret) in those few moments alone its obvious that he knows he's done Ming wrong, but if you really look closer there's a whole ugly ass betrayal hiding in there. In the chat they just had in a prior scene, Kit makes a point out of not wanting to get hurt by Ming leading him on only to ditch him for another person, but what did kit just do to Ming? Huh?¿?? Exactly, its easily missed but it's an awesome detail i picked up when diving into this and i have to say it was another perfect example of Kit being flung between head vs heart. Kit's been trying so hard to get Ming to use his head rather than his heart, but by using his own head to try and protect him self Kit's only gone and done the exact thing he was so afraid happening to himself to Ming. I think realising this he understands that even though they're so different and worlds apart, they're both just dumb fucking humans and he shouldnt be so hard on Ming, especially when Ming's been nothing but loyal and honest. Perhaps Kit is scared of committing but he's projecting that onto Ming because he doesn't want to admit it, he only sees what he wants to see because thats all he knows after putting up a front for so long when ever his emotional well being is threatened.

Honestly Kit's really just been his own problem this entire show and he really ought to sit the fuck down and let him self live 👏🏻

Thought it was endearing when he took Pha out so he could get drunk. Obviously getting wasted to forget your problems isn't particularly endearing, but like i said about Beam last week, it makes him feel more human. Especially when Beam shows up acting like the whole beamkit couple thing was a joke (when it clearly wasn't) and Kit's just like fuck you you're so annoying. Smh he really is boo boo that fool. He's just so completey oblivious that his best friend in the entire world is head over heels in love with him, so gullible just believing what ever the fuck anyone says. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt seen as he was drunk but Idk it just tickles me that he's always so tense and always so on guard yet the level of dumbassery is just,,,, how's he gonna be a doctor when he's literally a raw nerve on fucking legs. Bless.

He really lets things bother him, but he's much more readable than beam which we know even just from Phana knowing right away what was up. The fact he hid from Ming when Ming entered the bar(?) too really emphasized how completely not as hard as nails he is despite how he tends to act tough. Thought that was a sweet detail in unravelling Kit's personality and how Ming seems already to have completely knocked his walls down; Kit's not even trying to act like he's unaffected anymore.

We all joke about Beam being an emotional wreck but fr kits really not that far behind. He deals with everything horribly and always seems to make shit worse for both himself and Ming. He just wants what's best for everyone but sometimes that's harder than it looks and he really proved that. He goes into panic mode if Ming so much as breaths in his direction which actually does the complete opposite of intended as rather than seeming tough and cold, it just shows Ming that Kit's easily flustered around him, EG, HE FUCKING LIKES HIM, KIT JUST WRITE IT ON YOUR FOREHEAD AT THIS POINT. He thinks he's so mysterious fr, boy the whole world and it's goldfish has you sussed, who do you think your fooling with that attitude?

Can't not mention the kiss and how sweet that was on Kit's end. After all that mess and acting unaffected, as soon as he sees Ming move towards him he imediately melts back into his big softie boyf as if he'd been waiting a life time to kiss him. He literally called him a 'bastard' seconds before, if that ain't some sort of chaotic then what the fuck is he. Jkjk, back to the point, Kit does this thing where he lies to him self, C O N S T A N T L Y. He's forever telling himself that he's in control, he's forever telling himself that Ming's out to get him, he's forever acting as if he doesn't want anything to do with Ming, but this scene was so satisfying cause it really just ripped everything he'd been pretending to be from right underneath him. He kissed Ming so readily and for the first time in the relationship he actually seemed put together and calm and in control. He's never known what to do with Ming's attention yet here and now with his lips on his all he could do was reach out and grasp on to his 'scary monster in the dark' (Side note i absolutely fucking adore how Kit's gone from being so rough and brash with Ming to being so ridiculously shy after the kiss. I think it's forced him to face facts and he finally realised there was no point in keeping up his walls. Ming knows now, theres no need. It's sweet showing his vulnerable side for once, this is some healthy character development i can get behind.)

You'll have noticed this gradually got less formal and is slowly making less and less sense. That's because as i'm writing this it's 5:40am and the brain juice is running low but the next bit should be a pinch more coherent sorry,

What i love about Kit and Ming's relationship is the whole role reverse as the series progressed. At the beginning we see Kit, part of a solid group of friends and he's comfortable and confident where as Ming's just a new student at the university, finding his feet. We expect him to perhaps be naïve or immature, and yes he's a little clingy but really Ming is one of the most stable characters going and exactly what kit needs despite how he first appeared. Not once has Ming changed his goal of pursuing kit, not once has he fucked up, not once has he ever panicked. Ming- even though he's sulky- is really quite mature with his dealing of Kit. He's honest and really does what ever he can to make it work. I loved the example of this where he backed off after the kiss. It was so so sweet considering how clingy he usually is, and it really shows he takes great time and contemplation when considering Kits feelings and that he has a really deep understanding of how Kit's mind actually works and how he may react. He backs off knowing Kit likes his space and that maybe he over stepped the line pretending to be black out drunk, but again i really love this as this creates that safe space and feeling of clarity that i keep bringing up as it meant kit could reach out in his own time and really come to terms with things without any pressure. It meant that for once Kit would have to make the move to communicate and take a step in their relationship and i think for Ming to take that initiative to really somewhat place their fate in Kits hands for a while was really quite sweet and mature of him. We stan our emotionally healthy engineering boys fr. We come to realise by now that perhaps Kit is actually quite bashful and somewhat of a baby dear when it comes to emotions, charging head first into anything but initially losing his footing right off the get go. But Ming is stable, he is collected and cool and surprisingly gentle. Its really quite tell tale that kit spoke so much about ming maybe lacking in commitment when really he was the one too afraid to commit, he was clearly insecure. This arch really was kit heavy and though i already said what i think their arch focuses on, i just want to add that it also explores growth and becoming a better person because of a relationship. They bounce off eachother in such an interesting way, and so intunely that they cant help but work. Kit never knows what to say or how to approach ming but its okay, Ming has that covered and always comes to find him. Ming's very flirtatious, and kit and easy to fluster. Kit needs time and Ming is patient. All these little north and south traits really just pull together and i love how these two were written with such harmony. I know I've delved way deeper than was ever intended for these characters but i think we shouldn't take for granted the complexity of such a wonderful thing.

This is the reason why i think 2moons2 is miles ahead of 2moons the series. Aside from the cringe music, over dramatic zooms and lingering shots which can sometimes make it difficult to watch, 2moons2 really seeks complexity in each character and i admire that itch to bring them to life as i feel 2moons was increadibly 2D in this aspect. I only really believed in Kit when i watched that series, but 2moons2 really forces you to believe and invest in every main character and i just think as someone who writes that it's rather lovely.

What are your thoughts? Do comment if you have time, I'd love to hear more on these two :)

#2moons2 #2moons2 the series #2moons #2moons the series #2 moons 2 #pha #phana x wayo #phana #phayo #wayo #mingkwan #mingkit #ming #kitkat #kit #forthbeam #forth #beam

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ghostsships · 5 years ago

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☁️ ❤️ 💘 with dazai pls feed me

Me: I talk about D*z*i too much so I’ll choose a different f/os to talk about

Mak: Not SO FAST (I love talking about him I just feel bad cause I talk about him too much;;;)

ANYWAY

☁️ - think I did this a while ago for him so sorry if I repeat myself

Lazy mornings, autumn, train rides, used books, hot chocolate, comfy sweaters, staying up talking to a friend, black cats, enjoy each other’s company

❤️ - ugh fiinnnnnneeeeeeee

He is very... ugh... he’s very annoying... he’s a big chaotic nerd and just does what he wants... but he also cares so much about those close to him even if he tries to act like he doesn’t... He’s really complicated which is probably on purpose to just keep people from actually worrying about him... at the end of the day, he’s a good person or at least trying to be a better person but I wish he’d realize that the fact that he’s trying and the lengths he’s gone to honor his friend’s wishes and help the “better” side is pretty amazing... he literally left his whole life behind... a pretty fucking stable life at that... it wouldve been so easy to just... have stayed with the mafia... and considering he didnt see much of a difference between the two (even tho he’s much happier at the ADA) thats like??? fucking wild... and brave af like??? he’s so smart and observant and shit but somehow so dumb that he can’t give himself credit for that? like... he did horrible things... and that just doesnt go away... but that can’t discredit that he’s trying right?... I worry that he’ll never realize his progress and always see himself as some tool or some monster... he really isn’t... he teases people and kinda does what he wants/ feels is right but that doesnt make him like... undeserving of nice things and reliable people and support...so as I said he’s... very annoying....... *sigh*

💘 - he ends up napping a lot at work cause he doesnt sleep well at night. This is for a few reasons: 1) a lot of the Port Mafia’s work was done at night so kinda just used to be the most productive at that time. 2)Nightmares for obvious reasons... If he drinks enough he can maybe get a few hours of sleep but that’s not the best habit to have. In general it’s hard for him to stop thinking long enough to actually get some rest. 3) He ends up sleeping at work since he’s more comfortable around the other members of the ADA and just ambient noise (talking, people typing and moving around ect.) helps him calm down a little easier since it is just people he trusts.

Uhh o~o);; that got rambley sorry anyway I do not like this man he is stimky

#my mumbles #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

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trustandblasters · 5 years ago

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Trust Comic Funfacts

(Aka I lost all my progress on the next page, I just pulled a 60/hr work week, I feel like death but I still wanna give you guys content)

So basically a bunch of random little tidbits for the Trust Comic version that may or may not show up in comic.

* Most monsters currently alive do not actually remember the outside world anymore, and many of their phrases/idioms are either relics of their parents or are entirely new for the underground. Those that are still alive and still remember the outside are King Asgore, Toriel, Grillby, Nora, Gerson, Bertram, Frank, Gnash, Rudy, Napstablook, and Flowey. Plus three others I cant talk about yet.

* Grillby eventually builds a fence in the backyard of his house to give the boys a secure place to play when the canine unit is to busy to keep an eye out. He had to extend it when he discovered Papyrus could easily jump over it. Twice. He gave up after that but installed a door for them to use instead of just hoping a fence.

* Nora canonly beat the fuck out of Berdley's mother to get custody of him when he was in his early teens. He had managed to get an internship with Nora since Noelle was transfering and during his initial training Nora picked up that his mother wasnt a very good person. Specifically she was an emotionally abusive Stage Mom.

So Nora beat her over the head with her can when the bird came to berate Berdley at the archive and then used the fact she is technically royalty to strong arm Berdley's mother into giving her full custody. Berdley has recently tried reconnecting with his birth mother with.... no success. He feels he probably turned out to be a much better person because of this.

* Nora knows about the existence of the Dark World, but hasn't gone there herself yet. Elci doesnt know what the Dark World is but has been there and assumes it was a dream. (Related, Asgore and Toriel both know of it as well, with both having visited on occasion before being sealed in the Underground)

* Noelle visits Snowdin a lot, mostly to visit her retired father. She's friends with the Nice Cream Guy and Snowy.

* Nora used to actually go out pretty frequently to Hotland to visit the restaurant in the MTT Resort and also the Royal Scientist Lab. She sends Berdley to get her takeout now and avoids the lab.

* Grillby owns a house with multiple bedrooms originally for his extended family so they would have a place to stay if needed be.

* All the other Fire Elementals thing Grillby is weird for liking cold environments like Snowdin, but he genuinely likes the way the chill feels. Also he likes the aesthetic of a winter town.

* Despite being a fire elemental that genuinely likes spicy foods, Grillby never stocks or prepares any items with Jalapeno in them. There's been lots of theories as to why but when Dogressa asked him (due to having a huge craving for jalepeno poppers) he admitted it's because his spouse was allergic, so he couldn't bring himself to stock them in his business.

* On a related note, some recipies he uses were specifically designed to his spouse's preferences, which still stands despite the two not seeing each other in over a century.

* When Sans and Papyrus became more comfortable at Grillby's house, they would start to explore at night. Since locked doors made them nervous, Grillby put all the dangerous cleaning chemicals in high cabinets that they couldn't reach and had wire lights installed on the ground level so they could see in their late night execution. On days that Sans wasn't doing so well, Grillby would hide snacks and sweets for the boys to find during the night.

* No one actually locks their doors in Snowdin, and when the kids are out playing it's not actually uncommon for them to all burst into someone's house for a quick water break before heading back out. If Grillby's is open it is usually his restaurant thou.

* As they get older, Sans and Papyrus do take up the odd jobs here and there. Usually in exchange for some sort of sweet. The only stipulation they have is the job has to keep them in Snowdin.

For the most part, Sans just helps out at Grillby's, usually bussing tables, doing dishes, or serving the occasional drink. Papyrus is far to high energy to stay in one place for long, so usually he is out with the canine unit learning to do Search and Rescue. Sometimes the towns folk will give him the 'job' of delivery boy. Which is usually just them asking him to run a letter or small box across town and drop it off somewhere random. There is usually nothing in the letter/box, it's just to help him burn off excess energy.

* Papyrus got so scared of "Santa" the first time he came to town that he cried and his in Grillby's coat. Sans nearly blasted "Santa" for it, but the three are cool now.

* papyrus has bitten Nora's tail about three times. The first time she accidentally launched him in the air by reflex, which Papyrus thought was the best thing ever. She only allowed him to do it two more times before stopping him.

* Asgore often sends tea to his friends as a gift. Usually it is Golden Flower Tea, but he does have several plants to make preferred blends such as the harvest moon blend for Nora and a triple mint blend for Noelle.

* Papyrus once said he found a talking flower that Grillby told him was an Echo Flower, assuming it was one of the echo flowers that were kept in the bar or at Dogamy and Dogressa's place. He didn't think much of it when Papyrus said it was a different color.

* Grillby does have PTSD from the war, though he had received treatment and still does sometimes see a therapist for certain stressors.

* monsters have an odd concept of Time due to being underground. There are actually three areas that one can see the sky outside the underground in some capacity (the Ruins, above the Core that is to high to reach due to being the very top of mount Ebott, and an exit way that can be seen from the barrier in the castle at New Home that only Asgore has access to). Due to this, their ability to tell what time it is, is very skewed and relies heavily on magical 'sundials' invented long ago along with repaired human technology that comes from the trash dump.

Due to Asgore being the only one to actually be able to see the sun rise and fall outside, there is a sort of system in place that was erected a few years ago where a device was placed above the core that could measure the sunlight and give an approx reading of the time based on that, which was then projected onto special screens around the Underground. The oldest monsters have tracked the date as best they could, and sometimes compare it to soggy newspapers from the trash heap or when they turn on some sort of tech that can still connect to limited wifi to update the date and time. This information is also projected onto those screens.

* Sans, Papyrus, Elci, Undyne, and Alphys play DnD sometimes after Alphys found some books in a box in the trash heap. Alphys tends to be the DM but will switch with Sans if need be.

#comic wizard speaks #undertale #baby blaster au #i havent picked their dnd info yet #maybe ill upload it when i have the time

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fightevilandthengetblownup · 5 years ago

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Chat thibg

Grey I think he’s also uncomfortable because in this episode it shows Jo with black eyes. And now he’s going to go drink like he hasnt in a while. Gray’s always happy when Grey’s upset

Grey And there’s those eyes

Jo Hiya demon!Jo! ….The real question is has he actually seen Abandon All Hope before in its full LOL …he really hasnt gone and had a drink in a while has he. Oh dear. LOOOOOL That’s very very true

Grey Yes. >_> He doesnt like it. At all. No he hasnt, not for a while.

Jo …Its a sad moment when its one of Jo’s favourites because she’s proud of herself right up until Ellen stays and she dies before she can do her duty… But yeah makes sense he doesnt like it. ….The poor thing. You shouldnt have let me be mean!

Grey Grey hates the episode from start to finish and really really dislikes Sam and Dean during it. And Cas. He deserved it, he’s starting his punishment early

Jo ….what on…get him to explain that because what…. LOL Well…glad to help then? *pets him and points him towards Jo’s stash*

Grey Because Sam and Dean drag Jo along in his opinion then Dean is the reason she gets hurt and it was their plan. As far as Cas it’s because had he not “gotten himself trapped like a stupid shit” he’d have been able to heal her and take her and Ellen out of there when it got bad. Oh no he knows not to touch her stuff, he’ll get his own

Grey And by drag Jo along he doesnt mean against her will

Grey He means like she gets caught up in their wake of self destruction and bad luck

Jo Jo would hiss at the idea of someone saying she gets caught up in other people’s things and she didn’t go because she wanted to. But I guess that makes sense. *gives him a chocoate for adding ‘and Ellen’* He;s more than welcome to it, not like she’d notice/not just think she had it without realsing

Grey Grey knows she wanted to go but he also knows if the Winchesters had never crossed paths with her she’d have never gone on that suicide mission. He added Ellen because he knows Jo would have gone no where without her mom. …. How much does Jo drink that her entire stash could be gone without her realizing she drank it?

Jo He should know that if she had never crossed paths with them she’d either have been a depressed little bar maid or gotten herself killed on her first hunt. True true. ….well she’d notice the entire stash gone, but she’s got a lot of the same stuff or rather she’s got a lot of whiskey, scotch, rum and vodka and never knows how much she has of what and wouldn’t be surprised to find a fair few

Jo empty ones because she only tends to go restock when she’s out of everything

Grey That’s true but during AAH, Grey really doesnt care about anything but the fact the “Winchester Curse” is getting Jo killed just because she’s around them. Grey would empty out her stash as he is right now

Jo …Well now Jo’s just pouting because eavesdroppers never here things they want to blondie! Well best he not touch hers then

Grey LOL why is she pouting?

Jo Because… …she was really proud of herself uring that time. Like really /really/ proud of herself. …If Ellen had just unlocked the doors, given her the fuse and ran, Jo would have actually died happy that time. Because she was doing what she was supposed to do, what she’d always wanted to do, ever since she was a little girl and she was finally getting to do it and be treated like a mature

Jo adult and so she was really happy, honestly. The only thing that made her unhappy was that she was too useless to be able to do it herself fully.

Jo (Which meant Ellen died which she didn’t want at all)

Grey She always wanted to die for a cause?

Jo …she wanted to be a hero like her dad.

Jo She wanted to be treated like an equal and an adult and die saving people like her dad di.

Jo Die fighting too..

Grey That’s horrible

Jo You thought it wouldn’t be? This is Jo we’re talking about.

Grey Not the treated like the equal part the fact she’s always wanted to die for something

Grey See this is why Grey panicked

Jo *nodnod*

Grey She was all set to do it again

Jo Jo… wants to be like her dad, she wants him to be proud of her. That’s pretty much the one thing that almost everything can eventually be drawn back to by playing the ‘why’ game.

Jo *nodnod* Course she was.

Grey Now Grey is /pissed/ and having a fit

Jo LOL …whats he pissed and having a fit at?

Grey He cant stand the martyring

Grey Grey doesnt think dying makes you a hero if you go around seeking death he thinks it makes you stupid

Grey And selfish and a lot of other unpleasant adjectives he’s loudly yelling

Grey (remember that was one of the problems he had with Anna? How she was all holier than thou about her being willing to get herself killed for anyone and everyone)

Jo Jo would like to clarify she’s not /seeking/ death and never has been trying to /die/; just… be something that she can be proud of in herself and that she thinks her dad would be proud of - its not about thinking the dying makes a hero but the motivations and the reasons behind whatever actions you make, whether you do die or not. She just wasn’t afraid of the dying. And now she’s pouting and

Jo sulking even more. (Thats very true - though the difference is that Anna is holier than thou about it and preachy over it, while Jo is just 'if I die, I die; what matters is X’ where X isn’t 'that you wont’)

Grey Grey’s saying she’s fooling herself by saying she doesn’t go out seeking death, that all hunters do one way or another and if she really wants to do her dad’s memory justice she won’t keep throwing her life away like it’s nothing. (Yeah but it’s still reminding Grey of the unpleasantness he had with her)

Grey Grey honey it’s kind of pointless to argue with her about this when you’ve already temporarily dampened the part you dont like

Jo Jo’s saying that if that’s his opinion than she should just stay at home and /do/ nothing; that he knows her better than to think she /wants/ to die given he knows where she /thinks/ she’s going and that he 'doesn’t understand!’ and getting huffy. (True true. Poor Grey) It really kind of is, but… and thats cool

Grey He says doesnt want her to do nothing, he wants her to not take chances and not go running headfirst into dying. And he says no he doesnt understand and he won’t ever understand how she thinks that it could ever be fine to die if she thinks she’s headed downstairs. I’m still sorry about that, something started glitching and it was not beeping me or doing any sounds.

Grey (And the first song I get to hear after fixing sound is Heavy in Your Arms nice one playlist)

Jo She’s saying that she’s not and not going to, that he’s made himself perfectly clear in past and she’s not going to be so 'to use his word - stupid!’; And that that isn’t what he doesn’t understand. (That’s cool hun, honest *hugs* dammit playlist)

Grey Grey’s asking then what is she talking about because there’s a lot of things he doesn’t understand about Jo and while he loves some of those things he really doesnt know what to do with the other ones. (*hugs* Appropriate time to play it though)

Jo She’s saying that he doesn’t understand about family, the way it is with human’s - or at least not the way it is to her and that he might think he does, but he doesn’t get it and he doesn’t understand or otherwise he wouldn’t think that she’s throwing her life away trying to be something for her dad. And that she’s sorry if that was snippy but.. (It really really was.)

Grey He’s saying he doesnt think her dad would have wanted her to get hurt for him if her mother’s attitude is anything to go by about how family is treated. But she’s right and he doesn’t understand about family or people because he’s not either. (*Trying to shush Grey because he’s putting his foot in it* this is why you do not just drink and drink silly monster*)

Jo Jo says that he didn’t know her dad and she’s a great deal more like him that her mom. That her mom never liked her dad hunting the same as she’s never liked Jo doing it, and that she’s not /trying/ to get hurt or die or whatever else for him - she’s trying to do what she thinks he would have done from what she remembers him of being like. And that it’s okay that he doesn’t understand and it

Jo 'doesn’t really matter much really’. (Oh Grey, you silly little thing you.)

Grey Grey’s saying if her dad was a person who wanted her to go out and get hurt for his sake or the sake of pride he wouldnt have liked him. (Meanwhile Gray is watching with great interest)

Jo She’s huffing and saying that that wasn’t the kind of person her dad was either! That her dad was strong and brave and treated people right and he wanted her to be safe and able to protect herself and other’s. And that’s what she’s doing, protecting herself and other people who can’t protect themselves. (LOL Why so? What’s he interested in mostly of what is thinging?)

Grey Grey moving into a silence and having some more drinks. (He thinks there’s an explosion immenient somewhere in here and that sooner or later Grey or Jo is going to trip the switch and he’s going to get to see fireworks)

Jo Jo’s huffing again and muttering that he would have liked him. (Of course he does…Whose he putting money on triping it?)

Grey Grey’s saying her dad never would have liked him because he’s a monster and he’s with his little girl. "That’s like two big no no. First no no is touching his daughter and then second is being something he’d hunt in the dark.“ (Grey. he thinks Grey is going to say something stupid.)

Jo Jo’s shaking her head and saying that she meant /Grey/ would have liked him. “Might have been his little girl but I was his only one and he only ever wanted me to be happy, whatever that meant - hunting, baking, riding on his knee and driving the wheel..” (LOL …I never know with these two)

Grey Grey’s saying saying it would have been a mutual dislike because her dad probably would have shot him. And he doesnt mind getting shot over Jo but it’s hard not to take it hard when that happens. (Grey is getting to where he’s noticably being effected by the alcohol now)

Jo Jo is making a hand for his bottle and saying that if he thinks someone like her’s something that he 'doesnt mind’ being shot over then he’s in no position to comment over what she’s willing to get hurt over or was willing to. “Whichever.” (This should be an amusement)

Grey Grey’s shaking his head and saying getting shot isnt going to mortally wound him, usually and that it’s unpleasant but not anything he can’t fix quick. Jo can’t just mend bones if she hurt herself. And he’s moving so the bottle is furher out of her reach/sight. (Stupid thing)

Jo She’s saying she damned well can, it just takes her a little longer than the 'rest’ of them, and that she used to have a /lot/ more scars than she has now that she’d be able to completely prove it to him that she can 'recover’ eventually, mostly. And that doesn’t change the fact he’s seemingly dumb enough to wear himself out over her, so her point still remains, and that he should maybe put the

Jo bottle down.

Grey Grey says she can’t have his bottle because it’s his. And that maybe he was a little self-destructive there, so that’s exactly his point those kind of things are problematic for everyone. And he’s sorry for being stupid.

Jo Jo’s saying shes not asking for his bottle just that he should put it down for a bit; that that was stupider than any of her own old habits and that the closest she’d gotten any time recently to anything quite that stupid was… not anything anywhere near that crazy. And how she doesn’t understand it’s alright for him to do something like that, yet he hates the idea that she’s slightly sacrificial

Grey Grey says it’s not alright, it was dumb and he knows it and he doesnt want Jo making the same error.

Jo She says that that just because someone wants something doesn’t mean it’s going to happen and snapping her fingers for the bottle.

Grey Grey’s mumbling he doesnt get why Jo doesnt want him to want her to be safe and that noooooo she can’t have it

Jo Jo is huffing that it’s not hi-… that he can want that all he wants but it doesn’t mean he’d get it the way he wanted it if he got it at all. And that he’s to hand it over or she’ll take it from him and drink whatever is left of it.

Grey Grey says fine take it, he’ll just get more

Grey You need bed Jesse

Jo Jo’s grumbling and setting it away from him regardless. She’s also muttering something about people drinking alone

Jo I’, good, its a Friday and tomorrow I dont have to get upa t all

Grey Grey’s got another full bottle and says he’s never alone while he’s in a meatsuit. (WAY TO BE CREEPY GREY)

Grey Are you sure?

Jo She’s pouting. A lot. A lot a lot a lot. And that she doesn’t want to think about that… she doesn’t have a word for Jack. (LOL CREEP FACTOR LEVEL MAXIMUM)

Jo wow, that was a misplace hands too far to the right, I’m sure - no work, no uni, no picking people up. Sleep in day.

Grey “But see I can never drink alone. And asshole is the word you’re looking for.” (How creeped out does that make Jo?) Okay just tell me when you get sleepy and I will put this drunk monster to bed

Jo “Unless you’re talking to him while you’re drinking, it’s still alone. I don’t even think that quite… just… He’s more loathesome than your brother, Grey! And put that… put that away.” (A fair bit if only because she doesnt like Jack and she is often quite worried about what he must say and think and annoy Grey with) No problemo c:

Grey “We can talk in here, I just don’t like to. It’s not like he does anything but curse me for hijacking him. You want me to call him a monster? Why?” (Of course she doesnt. And yeah usually Grey ignores him unless it’s something about Jo then he walls him off)

Jo “Yeah well, it’s better for everyone that he’s in there the fuckin’ ..nrgh! I liked it better when you were being insensetive about my dad than talking about that ….that despicable excuse for a human being. He is a monster, of his own damn makin’. And because!” (*nodnod* I’m guessing 75% bitching at grey 15% bitching about Jo and 10% other cruel remarks?)

Grey “I was being insensitive? I’m sorry. He doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong, which is why he’ll never get his life back. Because why?” (Yep. Accurate breakdown)

Jo “You’re drinking, you get /some/ leway.. Though you’re going to have to learn that my dad’s one of those things you don’t understand you’re either gonna have to love or just not try to work out what to do 'bout. …sound about right. Fine! You drink away then!”

Grey “I’m not loving anything that gets you blown up. Are you mad?” (He turns into an annoying four year old when he’s drunk with the questions)

Jo “Technically I was dead before then, it was mom who died in the explosion.. I’m not mad.” (LOL he does. It’s cute in a 'oh god here we go’ way)

Grey “…. Okay I’m not loving anything that gets you mauled by a hellhound and gets your mom blown up. Really?”

Jo “I thought you…nevermind. Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind.”

Grey “Thought I what? Tell meeeeeeee”

Jo “I said nevermind, not important. ….god you’re ridiculous when you’re drunk.”

Grey “No tell me. Pleeeeeeeeeeease.”

Jo “I thought you.. Well, I was what got me mauled by a hellhound and got my mom blown up, so I thought.. it’s unimportant. And I’m not mad, and you’re still ridiculous.”

Grey “No that’s not… I mean the impulse not you. I still love you just not the part of you that wants to get you hurt and thinks you’re not worth anything.”

Jo “It wasn’t an impulse…it was the right thing to do…” (I love how awkward Jo just completely got)

Grey “Nothing that hurts you like that could have been the right thing to do. What’s the matter?” (Because of the “I love you”?)

Jo “…you don’t know what could have happened if that hadn’t occured though, Grey. …who knows what would have happened, I heard from Dean what he saw the future to look like and he hadn’t heard any news of what happened to /me/ in that world… Nothing’s the matter.” (Yeah, though she got awkward a little bit the second she said 'I thought you..’ because she knew where her brain was going and

Jo made her slightly awkward then a little more awkward until the “I still lvoe you” really hit the top point thus far)

Grey “But how can something that hurts you be the right thing? Okay.” (Did she really think he didn’t love her?)

Jo “Because I’m just one person…the right thing doesn’t always benefit the person doin’ it, you have to weigh one person’s life against the future of mankind…and in that? I don’t think I’d come out on top.” (No, but she was half joking and then realised she was serious and then realised what she was saying.)

Grey “You would if I was making the choice.” (She can comfort herself with the fact he loves her. He doesnt understand her sometimes and he gets frustrated but he loves her, also drunk Grey is painfully honest)

Jo “Grey!” (She’s more just gaping at him not quite sure how to feel about the idea he’d pu her above the future of the whole of mankind. But that’s slightly comforting, that even if she frustrates him and he doesnt understand her all the time he does anyway)

Grey “I know, I’m terrible and evil and a monster for saying it. Not a good guy.” (*nods* Understandably. Yeah even when he’s spitting mad at her he loves her)

Jo “I..don’t think you would. And I don’t think you’re any of that. Just.. I didn’t expect..” (She’s just blinking at him and if he didn’t smell like a gin joint and wasn’t acting so weird she’d kiss him for it even if it is not what she wants to hear. LOL True true. ….he ever get the same 'sometimes I want to choke you’ feelings about Jo that everyone else gets?)

Grey “I would pick you though. I know me, there’s a reason I’m a monster. I would pick your safety over an earthful of strangers.” (Awwww. He wants to cuddly but realizes she doesnt want to be close to him because of the smell so he hasnt moved to. Not exactly. I mean he does, just not for the same reason Anna does)

Jo “But…you like people, you don’t want to be a monster, you want to do the good thing, the right thing..right? So you wouldn’t. Even if.” (Ah, she’ll move in a second to cuddle so long as he doesnt screw up and upset her. Yeah everyone gets it for different reasons.)

Grey “I do, I mean I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t try to hurt someone on purpose. But I’m still not good. I’ll always be a monster. I would pick you.” (Incoming screw up probably. And he’s getting so sad right now because now he thinks he is evil and it’s making him look like a sad puppy)

Jo “You’re good to me… Even if you say you’d pick me, even though you know I wouldn’t want you to. Stop sayin’ that you’re not good, Grey, there’s no reason to look like that..” (Yellow alert, yellow alert.. )

Grey “I just want you to be safe and happy. That’s all.” (At least he’s not guzzling booze anymore just kind of toying with the bottle)

Jo “Do I look unhappy or unsafe..? …… *Jo snatches his bottle away setting it away before settling across and ontop of him* ..There, now do I look anything but what you want?” (Well, there goes his booze away in exchange for a lap and armfuls of female. …she’s clever. very clever Jo..)

Grey “No.” *Grey bites his lip putting his arms around her and burying his head against her shoulder* “But how do I keep you this way without doing something wrong?” (His heart is breaking)

Jo *Pulling her hair to the side and curling into him, she rests he head against his, smiling* “Forty-two..” (Poor thing..)

Grey *Grey stays there with her in his arms, wondering how much she’ll hate him when she finds out what he did to her*

#yay chatlogs

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th3okamid3mon · 6 years ago

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Anxiety is more harmful than Deceit [A ramble because I can, also SPOILERS]

Ok, so.

At the beginning of Sanders Sides, i enjoyed all the characters. Obviously i had my dislikes and likes. I´ve comment before that i dont like Patton and Roman that much, I enjoy their antics and their characteristics, and i know they try their best. The problem i have is that they do not take some things too seriously, well... just Patton, Roman is actually getting more serious so i dont mind him a lot. But Patton is always trying to light up the mood when everything CLEARLY IS FUCKING FALLING INTO PIECES.

Logan has been my favorite so far, of course he has his moments like when he cannot understand whats going on and pretends to not have feelings but then i remember who he is. He needs to be serious. He reminds me a lot of me, with explosive anger and all, although he has that ¨I am better than you¨ vibe that i dont like (Im not egotistical, im more selfish, pretty sure thats different)

Now Anxiety... Everyone loves a good villain. I understand that Thomas wanted to...redeem him? But i dont think that was good.

When Accepting Anxiety came out i was surprised. ¨why would you redeem mental illness?¨ My opinion has a lot to do with me projecting so bare with me: I have social anxiety and depression. Anxiety has been the death of me since i was little. If i was late at class, i could not enter the classroom out of fear of everyone laughing, i could not defend myself from people, i could not talk to my parents bout how teachers were screaming at me and inflicting physical pain at me because i would think they would laugh or get mad at me.

It was a shitshow.

Im an adult now and i still get overwhelm with something similar (More like... I think someone will get inside my house or in my classroom and will kill everyone, but my depression always hits me like hMmmmmmidontcare)

Anxiety during his time in screen, has acted rough and then started to act a bit better towards others. Sure he has his times like the Christmas Halloween episode in which he tried to scare everyone and such. But... Anxiety is still bad. As a character, sure he is cool and adorable in my opinion, but as the mental illness he is, he is fucking awful. Scare the living crap out of someone because of no fucking reason? What the hell? Why would anyone like to live with that? I understand accepting that thats part of you and it might never leave is a next step to get healthy and its way better than denying but it doesnt take the fact that its horribly to leave in constant fear of everything.

WHATS THAT SHADOW I SEE THERE? A MURDERER? A GHOST? A MONSTER? WHATS IN MY DRINK? DID SOMEONE RUFFIED IT?

IS SOMEONE FOLLOWING ME? IS SOMEONE OUTSIDE MY WINDOW? IS SOMEONE KILLING SOMEONE? IS SOMEONE TRYING TO ROB THE HOUSE? IS SOMEONE TRYING TO GET INSIDE THE HOUSE? IS SOMEONE INSIDE MY HOUSE WITHOUT ME KNOWING? ARE THEY HIDING SOMEWHERE?

Ive fucking lived with those types of thoughts constantly, pretty sure the character of Thomas would think shit like this. How is that helpful? They tried to point out the goods of Anxiety, i still think its a shit show that you had to check at least 5 times if you close the door, 5 times if you grabbed your wallet, 5 times if you had the keys of your home and other 5 times to see if you made sure you check the whole house in search of someone that might be living there without you knowing (ok that one was just me, I constantly check the whole house because i started hearing noises and then my dog barks and then the doors close and open and i get paranoid and all SEE HOW IT ISNT FUNNY? NOR COOL IF ANXIETY IS JUST SEEN AS THE FUCKIN MENTAL ILLNESS?)

Now Deceit, he is the lying part of one self. Deceit was probably the one making Thomas lie to himself bout Anxiety but in the video... Deceit made a point: ¨Is it me the one who is making you sin or did you convince yourself that i was all me?¨ One of the errors Thomas is making is viewing Deceit as something else, something out of him, not seeing the possibility of him being a liar. Deceit is trying to make him look its ok to be a liar because everyone lies, Logan even said that in Can LYING be good? Anxiety is constantly there trying to fuck your day up, but Deceit? He appears in times of need, because he functions too as self preservation, he tries to give Thomas certain ways to keep his friends so he doesnt loose them. In the video Selfishness vs Selflessness he actually ask a normal question: DO YOU WANT THE PART OR NOT? Deceit not only wants Thomas to be truth to himself, he wants him to see the path been told by Patton isnt the only one. And Ok maybe he was a bit tough and less direct, I think Deceit needs to work on his communication skills, but he did tried to make it is easy to understand, not only that Deceit actually tried to listen too. When Logan said bout which will be more harmful to Thomas and said loosing the wedding Deceit was surprise but kept asking so he could understand. I know he had an agenda but the agenda was, in his point of view, to serve Thomas.

Anxiety was always trying to not let him be listen because he hates him a lot. He didnt tried to put something useful in the table, he just didnt want Deceit there. (If Logan was there they could have probably get a more suitable decision.) Let´s not forget that people tend to lie more when they are anxious to get out of situations, so if Thomas tends to lie it would have been due to desperation, not knowing which else to decide. He even was fine on lying because he really wants to go to the Callback, IF HE WENT TO THE WEDDING HE WOULDNT EVEN PAID ATTENTION, THATS NOT NICE.

Anxiety does not help as much as everyone makes it look like, by fearing loosing friends it harms Thomas more than whatever Deceit was saying. Being selfish from time to time isnt harmful, it is by nature. And maybe lying wasnt even the point to Deceit, he just wanted to make sure Thomas knew he could be selfish and that´d be ok. From all Sanders Sides, we havent seen Thomas take care of himself properly, maybe that´s why Deceit has shown up.

#its a bit messy #but im tired #i have to go to my class #and my back hurts #whatever #anxiety #deceit #sanders sides #thomas sanders

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dlaurellance · 6 years ago

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I was going to just post a few facts about Laurel, but this turned into a huge ass bio. I realized that there were too many details needed to really sum her up in something small, so.. enjoy the novel below the cut.

Let me just say too before I start that all of the stuff mentioning Sara was worked out with Kae, the mun playing her, so everything was agreed upon and plotted out together bc that’s what happens when your character’s life intertwines with someone else’s :)

Dinah Laurel Lance grew up in New York with her sister Sara, and their parents, Dinah and Quentin Lance. Laurel was a relatively serious little girl. She was level headed, she was determined. Their father was a cop, and their mother was a teacher. Laurel initially wanted to follow in her father’s footsteps and become a cop too, but over the years she decided that being a lawyer was a better route for her. She was set on that as her career path, and nothing was going to get in her way. As she grew up, Laurel had taken numerous fighting and self defense classes, as her father wanted to be sure she could defend herself if that situation ever occurred.

Her relationship with her sister was good. They were close for years. Laurel could remember their days playing in the snow, playing dress up, playing with dolls, and pretending they were older with their dream jobs. Naturally Laurel often felt a lot of responsibility; she was the oldest, she needed to set a good example, even though there was only a few years between the two of them. It was why, although she was reluctant, she would help Sara fight bullies. She would do anything for her sister. But part of Laurel held a bit of resentment— being the oldest was hard sometimes, and she had her days where she wished Sara would just disappear.

She never thought that Sara would actually disappear though. After word got out that her sister and her troublemaker friends had gotten into a boating accident, Laurel wasn’t sure how she felt. She was sad that her sister was gone, probably dead. But she was more angry that Sara hung around those people in the first place. Laurel turned to alcohol to help her deal with the loneliness and grief and anger. She wasn’t drinking heavily, just a few glasses whenever she started to feel down. As she finished up school, she also put her focus more into training, the exercise was good for her. Not only that, but sparring against other people was how she got her anger out the best.

When a few of Sara friends were found alive, Laurel was seeing red. How dare they live? She wanted them dead, she felt like that’s what they deserved. The night they were all back in New York was the night Laurel decided she was going to get justice for her sister. In the dark of night, she killed them. She didn’t have any guilt or remorse for her actions. All it did was make her feel powerful. She felt like she had avenged her sister’s death by killing them, since they were the ones she was with.

Laurel couldn’t help herself. She found herself out and about at night, trolling the streets looking for criminals. One night, her trainer caught her. Instead of turning her in or trying to stop her, he joined her. That was when she realized that this wasn’t his first rodeo. He was a vigilante, and Laurel was inspired. She dubbed herself the Black Canary. Laurel chose ‘Black Canary’ as her name as a nod to her sister. Sara had a canary growing up, and while the bird occasionally drove her nuts, she would always remember how much Sara loved it. Laurel’s cat ate the bird after Sara let it out by accident. The dead bird ultimately inspired her, because it was a reminder of her sister, and it being dead was representative of her goals, eliminating those in the world who had done her, her community, or her family wrong. The two of them were constantly going after people they thought needed to be taught a lesson. Whether their targets ended up hurt or dead, they didn’t care. He and Laurel ended up becoming more than a vigilante team, he also ended up being her boyfriend. They were together for a few months. Her skills got significantly better after he trained her more after hours. He has skills that he would never explain how he learned, but he made sure to teach her. But after a fight against someone in the field that left him in critical care, he ended up passing a few days later. Laurel turned back to the bottle, drinking more than she had before.

With a job as a DA, Laurel needed to keep herself together. But the worse she got, the less competent she became at work. Eventually, they let her go. She was no longer a DA, she was was unemployed and her parents were not impressed. So Laurel just continued on as the Black Canary, trying to rid the world of the terrible people in it. After a night of fighting while she was drunk that ended in a gunshot wound to the abdomen, Laurel hung up the Black Canary suit for a little while. She sobered up, and she went back to school. Flash forward a little while. Laurel is finishing up with a new degree, she’s still struggling a bit with sobriety, and suddenly it turns out that her sister is back, ALIVE. Laurel didn’t know how to feel. She was angry because Sara was alive and never called. She was angry because she blamed Sara for her problems. She blamed her for the alcohol addiction, which carried over to her blaming her for losing her job.

As she opened up her flower shop, Laurel continued to struggle. Sara being back gave Laurel a reason to go back out as the Black Canary. She was mad, she needed an outlet, and fighting crime seemed like a good way to find some release. She couldn’t bring herself to be on good terms with Sara. Try as she might, it just wasn’t working. But eventually, she caved. Being angry was exhausting, and after a tearful reconciliation, Laurel was ready to move forward. She started putting more effort into her sobriety, and her business was flourishing. She continued her night job as a vigilante, and for the first time in a long time, Laurel felt content. It was like things were the way they were meant to be.

Nobody knew about her night job. She wanted to keep it that way. People around New York were aware of a woman in black running around killing and injuring people, but they could never catch her. They could never ID her. The new addition of a mask to her leather jacket, bodysuit, and fishnets was enough to conceal her identity. As the days and weeks passed, Laurel quickly became aware that she wasn’t the only person running around in a mask. She was frequently finding herself engaging in hand to hand combat, and fights involving numerous weapons.

There was one person in particular she had been after for weeks. They’d had a few close encounters, but they kept getting away. It was infuriating. He had a gun, and so did she, but it just never seemed to amount to a win. One night, she noticed they weren’t completely alone. But what she wasn’t expecting was while she was scoping out the scene from a distance, seeing another person dressed as a vigilante on the other end of the gun he held. Laurel got closer, and shortly after he fired and turned around, she threw a knife straight into his chest. He dropped, and Laurel went to investigate the person who had been shot. She never thought it would be Sara, but it was. Laurel broke down in tears, holding her sister’s lifeless body in her arms.

No more than a week after Sara was buried, Laurel was trying to push it out of her mind. She didn’t want to think about it. She just threw herself into work, and poured her energy into fighting and running the shop.

A month later, there was an explosion at the laboratory near her flower shop. Laurel wasn’t entirely sure what had happened, but she had let out a scream as she heard the blast. She felt a wave of what she could only describe as strong energy washing over her in that moment. She didn’t know what that meant, but she didn’t think much of it until the next time she came face to face with Sara’s killer. She was mad, she wanted to end him. And when she opened her mouth to speak, instinct took over and she screamed instead. But it wasn’t a normal scream. It was.. different, it was almost magical. It was enough to knock him down. So she got closer and tried again, letting the screams out at him until he was dead. She quickly took to the internet that night to look up what it meant when someone randomly ended up with powers, and she realized she had become what people called a meta-human. Using her newfound powers was exciting, and Laurel felt so, so powerful.

Almost a year passed since she lost Sara, and Laurel started to think back about things Sara had told her after the reconciled. She remembered hearing about a special pit that could resurrect her. It took some work, but she eventually brought Sara’s body there to be brought back. She wanted her sister back, it wasn’t fair that she was taken away from her. She wished he had remembered the pit sooner than this. But it was better late than never. The woman who came out of those bubbling waters though was not her sister. It looked like her, but she was different. She was a monster. She tried to help Sara remember, but it didn’t work.

Sara had told her about a friend, a magical friend. Back when she told her, she thought her sister was full of shit. But after accumulating powers of her own, she realized it wasn’t so far fetched. She went through some of Sara’s things, and used the resources she had to track the person down to restore her soul. And ever since, Laurel has been trying to make sure Sara’s okay. She doesnt want to see anything bad happen to her again. Laurel hasn’t told Sara yet about being the Black Canary, nor has she told Sara that she knows she was going out as a vigilante too.

Laurel’s life is crazy, between her work at night and keeping busy with the flower shop. But she is content. She sometimes misses being DA, and wonders if she’d be able to get back into that. It wasn’t like she had been banned from everywhere forever, she just got fired from that DA office. And as long as nobody finds out she’s a criminal herself, she’s all set.

Despite being viscous and hot tempered at night when she’s out running around in a mask, everyday Laurel is actually relatively kind. She’s more fair and just during the day, and she’s smart, she’s determined, and she is a hard worker. She can be rather manipulative, and she’s good at getting people to bend to do what she wants. She has a lot of love for her friends and family, and is ridiculously protective.

So, there you have it. That’s Laurel. I pulled bits and pieces of different versions of Laurel and mushed it into one person and ended up with this. She’s.. something else tbh, but please love her. If anyone wants to plot, just give this a like or just hmu!

#nehqsintro #alcoholism tw #violence tw #death tw #murder tw #guns tw #i'm so sorry you guys this is like 1900 words

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swampgallows · 6 years ago

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it’s becoming harder and harder for me to find solace in places. the guilt inside me is becoming heavy. i know that if i want something, i need to make it happen, but i am so exhausted of having to do everything myself. and the things i do get help with i feel grateful, of course, but then so guilty that i’m needing to be helped that it’s incapacitating. i’m just so late in the game to everything. i’m so outside of life and what other people are doing. i’ve always felt that way, though. i’m never gonna snap into place like they want me to.

i need to pick a career and stuff. i just have to like shot in the dark pick something at this point because there isn’t going to be some divine calling, my pittance from art commissions is not gonna be enough to sustain me (and i dont think i can get to a point where it will), im just so bogged down knowing that everybody is fuckin poor.

part of me wishes i could wake up and just ‘be normal’. that i could throw away all the weird stupid shit in my life. the trashy little kid bracelets, the clown clothes, the nerdy interests, the ugly monsters (what on earth is an ‘orc’?), the hundreds of heavy and just plain weird records that are sooo boring and irritating and repetitive and loud and obnoxious. all the shit i’ve internalized about stuff i am beyond passionate about, the only fuel that keeps me alive and gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. i read once about brain trauma, that someone suffered an injury and when they woke up, all of their interests changed completely. they were a classically-trained musician, iirc, and ended up just selling all of their instruments and getting rid of all their books etc because it had absolutely no value to them anymore. they were completely changed. i dont remember what their new interests became, but... the thought of that has haunted me for over a decade. maybe someone will hit me in the head just right until i wake up and be a normal person who cares about normal, accessible things instead of all this fringe and abrasive fantasy bullshit. what if i woke up one day and became a devout christian? i roll over and my room is foreign to me, along with everything in it, and then i just throw it all away? i start over, stripped clean. tabula rasa. i get good interests instead. relatable adult things, like gourmet food and backpacking. i titter with the girls at the office and wear pencil skirts and focus on landing me a tall dark and handsome.

the thought of becoming that thing is heartwrenching. painful. but it’s all obvious, of course, why i would ever have that masochistic fantasy of completely disowning my worthless oblong self. a me that isn’t ‘ruined’.

i went through my kandi stash the other day trying to find all my kandi with bells on it (I could have sworn i had more). and going through a lot of it was a flood of memories. high school, college, raver days. when i was in high school, all by my lonesome, the only candy kid or rave-associated ANYTHING in my 4000+ fellow students, i had to wear a lot of my own kandi. and i did so as a beacon, a lighthouse, hoping that i could be a beaming signal to any other candy kids who might be in hiding. and i got so dizzy and self-consuming with my repressed interest that i became a zealot about it, being extremely rude and elitist about my interests because i felt a need to protect them. i felt the pressure of them looking to be watered down or erased. i was the same with warcraft.

ten years later i’m not as rude about it, but i feel exactly the same way. in high school i had to wear my own kandi, would have it ripped off of my arms in big fistfuls by those who ostracized me, and had to be tongue-in-cheek and submissive about my passion, my very real and non-ironic DEVOTION to this. thank god on tumblr i can write 4000 word dissertations about garrosh hellscream and some of you crazy fucks actually bother to read it, but sometimes i still feel like that kind of pariah for having a very niche and very specific fixation.

even people who played warcraft when i was in high school told me i took it too seriously because i roleplayed; and even roleplayers in the game told me i took it too seriously because i didnt want to sit around for 6 hours pretending to drink alcohol and trying to get laid, except as an elf. the fact that i really wanted to discuss the lore and delve into the story and the universe of azeroth, of how it would feel to be in that place, to live that life, ostracized me even from the people who claim to feel the same way. but roleplay was never about focusing on how our veins dont surge anymore as undead, how your digestive organs need to be removed post-undeath so they dont explode and rupture and hang out of your bowels like the abominations in the Undercity, how the undead are technically still the same citizens of Loraderon but are being ousted by their living counterparts in neighboring kingdoms. it was just “haha im a funny dead pirate man and i’m going to womanize 12 blood elf women at once behind all of their backs.”

in trying to become a gabber dj too, i felt like i had to take it upon myself because nobody else plays the music that i like. but alll of these things... it feels like i’m just building a house by myself. i feel like nobody truly, at the core, appreciates the intersection of interests that i have, or can only smile and nod at my fervor but not really understand it. and it’s nobody’s fault, nobody is obligated to feel what i feel.

i’m glad people enjoy the garrosh posts and art that i make. and i’m glad that my friends make kandi with me now and encourage me to play gabber. i’m happy when i get some really good RP, even if i have to be the one to walk up every time. i’m glad that people want me to “do the thing”. i just feel like... there is no payoff once it’s done. everyone gets glad that it’s finished, and they enjoy it then, but then it dissolves. nobody is invested in it but me.

i know the solution is to be more accessible, but i can’t seem to imagine anything other than swinging the pendulum in the opposite direction. like, all or nothing. either you take all of my german expressionism with the warcraft meta and the rave shit, or you get nothing. i dont know how to dilute myself and that’s part of what was killing me at my job. i felt like a novelty. a doll. but it wasn’t their fault.. they couldnt relate to what i was talking about and passionate about, and it’s not their fault. they liked me because i was well-spoken and funny and a diligent worker, which are all nice and accessible things, but when nobody can cathect with me, really empathize with me, i feel like a jester. a consumable.

my college roommates would tell me that they loved me because i was so funny. and that’s it. i existed as entertainment, but anything human about me—my passions, my interests, my insights, my memories—meant nothing. even my family will ask me a question and then cut me off in the middle of my sentence, expressing more of just their disbelief or confusion about something than actually seeking information. it’s why i stopped answering customers when they’d ask “how did you dye your hair?” and, like an idiot, i attempted to explain the process to them, thinking they actually wanted to know. but a few words in and their eyes glazed over, probably because they weren’t expecting a “real answer”. i began to accept that any questions directed toward me were closer to passive acknowledgements of me just standing there and existing in their field of vision than any sort of actual desired input from me. it’s like when people ask “how are you?” and you are obligated to say “fine” because it is the rote response. if you actually start talking about how you are doing, you are violating the socially agreed upon script of pleasantries.

i cant do small talk. i cant do scripts. i dont get it. it doesnt make sense to me. and i think retail killed me because of that. i wasn’t a person. i wasn’t even an NPC. i was just a doll. an actor. a pull-string action figure with 5 fun phrases. i was so wacky and weird with my green hair and my silly bracelets and funny observations. ho ho what fun it is to work here with our personal jester to tell us funny stories about her cuh-razy antics she gets up to!

like how nate said “the craziest thing of someone’s year will be seeing someone play the legend of zelda theme on an accordion at a convention and for us that’s just like a walk down the street”.

my feet straddle two divergent worlds and i cant pick just one but im about to fall in the crevice.

man i fuckin love ratatouille man. i fuckin love that film. i cant choose between two halves of myself. even when the halves want the other half dead.

i need a liaison. where’s MY linguini????

#blathering

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johnnymundano · 6 years ago

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Class of 1999 (1990)

Directed by Mark L. Lester

Written by C. Courtney Joyner

Story by Mark L. Lester

Music by Michael Hoenig

Country: United States

Language: English

Running Time: 99 minutes

CAST

Bradley Gregg as Cody Culp

Traci Lind as Christie Langford

John P. Ryan as Mr. Hardin

Pam Grier as Miss Connors

Patrick Kilpatrick as Mr. Bryles

Stacy Keach as Dr. Robert "Bob" Forest

Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Miles Langford

Darren E. Burrows as Sonny

Joshua John Miller as Angel

Sharon Wyatt as Janice Culp

James Medina as Hector

Jason Oliver as Curt

Brent David Fraser as Flavio

Jill Gatsby as Dawn

Sean Hagerty as Reedy

And Rose McGowan as girl briefly glimpsed sat in a chair

Class of 1999 is one of those movies which were once set in the future but are now set in the past, which is always funny. It must certainly have tickled director Mark L. Lester since this is his second such movie, the first being Class of 1984 (1982). The intellectuals out there will have noticed both movies are also set in schools. Judging by the content of them I think we can infer Mark L. Lester has strong emotions about his schooldays. Negative emotions. Back in 1982 in the UK Class of 1984 upset a lot of people who decided what we could watch, and so it was not passed as uncut until 2005. Unfortunately by then I was busy self-destructing and by the time I surfaced as a functional human being DVD was passé, alas. I’m waiting for the Blu-Ray now so I still haven’t seen it, basically; but I will, I will. That cinematic bad boy sure sounds a lot harder and nastier than Class of 1999, which is the kind of goofy pulp schlock that video store chains were built on. “The year is 1999 and school’s out – FOREVER!” the tag line doesn’t run (but totally should, in howling electric lime green if possible).

Teens! Little shits! Always a problem, but particularly so in the ‘80s when feral gangs ran wild and committed heinous crimes, in fact just like they had since the teenager was invented (the 1920s) but sometimes it’s politically expedient for reactionary assholes to pretend it’s a new problem, and the ‘80s was particularly rich in reactionary assholes. So we were constantly being told that the kids weren’t alright. Movies like Class of 1984 probably helped feed the fires of hysteria and Class of 1999 seems like a kind of belated atonement for this. This time Lester seems to be mocking the ridiculous reactionary horseshit which turns troubled youth into a patsy for political and financial gain, and all the ridiculous reactionary bullshit solutions proposed which never actually address the root causes (because that would require thought, money and time) and hence do nothing to ameliorate the problem, but always end up making someone rich (usually , spookily enough, the someone sponsoring the reactionary assholes involved). You know, the kind of Twinkie® head who thinks the solution to school shootings is arming teachers. Shit, just cut straight to arming the kids as well and whoever walks out at home time wins. Televise it, monetise it, get some revenue streams going. Don’t piss about, people!

Class of 1999 certainly doesn’t piss about. By 1999, every reactionary asshole’s wet dream has come true; all across America youth gangs with bandannas and guns have established free fire zones, where the police fear to tread and schools have begun shutting down. Obviously the problem must be the bandannas as it can’t be the guns, because what your latte drinking, book reading, cat grooming “Leftee” never gets is that no problem in America is ever down to guns; not even when it involve guns; especially not when removing guns would remove the problem. Because of the easy access to bandannas things are in such a state that the Department of Education is now the Department of Education and Defence (DED; geddit?). This rebranding allows for some real blue-skying and results in a joint project with MegaTech to take back the schools by piloting the introduction of android teachers. Mega-Tech, like any responsible corporation that probably doesn’t pay its taxes, decides to cut corners and use three military androids gathering dust due to the early end of a recent war. Things escalate quickly, and lessons are learned about simple solutions to complex problems and the evil fruits of a society which treats its kids as monsters and where bandannas are legal.

Miles Langford (Malcolm McDowell), the new principal at Seattle’s’ Kennedy High School, agrees to the use of his school for the initial introduction of the android educators. Langford is clearly a “progressive” (spit!) who wants the best for the kids (or “scum” to real, decent, working people) but is undone by his ambition; it’s a strangely nuanced performance in a remarkably (and deliberately) nuance free movie, but that’s the magic of Malcolm McDowell. Stacy Keach as MegaTech’s Dr Bob Forrest (Stacy Keach) doesn’t need nuance as he has decided to play his role in a white wig and white contacts, as an albino corporate asshole who remains perpetually unruffled no matter how bad things get. “The teachers are making hats out of the pupil’s internal organs.” a tech-head (probably a liberal who owns a book) might exclaim, only to have Dr Bob say “Wait, let’s see how things develop.” as he eats a banana. I’m not convinced Keach can actually see out of his white contact lenses but who gives a shit, it’s Stacy Keach! (The last time I saw Stacy Keach onscreen he was singing Elvis at a karaoke bar in Alexander Payne’s delightful Nebraska (2013). Stacy Keach, people!)

Dr Bob’s three androids are Mr. Hardin (John P. Ryan) for History, Ms Connors (Pam Grier) for Science and Mr. Bryles (Patrick Kilpatrick) for P.E. (and probably Geography; P.E. teachers always have to do Geography as well, in my experience; P.E. not actually being a real subject). Anyone who has wasted their eyes on the quirkier side of movies will already be excited by that list. John P. Ryan, whose jaw-popping performance in Runaway Train (1985) earned him a place in Movie Valhalla, is full-on here as a history teacher who prefers strategy to strangling but will strangle if pushed. Pam Grier should need no introduction and, despite returning to the screen here after illness, she is as lively a screen presence as ever, memorably taking an axe to the chest like it’s a gnat bouncing off her. And Patrick Kilpatrick’s name might not be known to you but he has probably died at the hands of your favourite ‘80s/’90s action star, probably as revenge for being a better actor than any of them. Basically, these three ‘droids rock. As does Bradley Gregg as Cody Culp, the youthful ex-gangbanger recently released from pokey who is caught between the gangs and the teachers like a pretzel in a car crusher. Gregg acts like he’s in a serious movie and his earnest solidity helps stop the comic book ridiculousness swamping everything. Which is no mean feat in a movie where an albino Stacy Keach eats a banana.

Obviously I was taken by the banana bit, but a lot more stuff happens in Class of 1999 than albino potassium ingestion. Unfortunately quite a lot of it involves the rival gangs who are not the most interesting part of the movie. But they do fight a lot so there is that. In fact they fight more than usual as the robo-teachers niftily set them against each other, before the kids “wise up” and take on the real enemy in a night time school siege, which swiftly descends into a slaughtertastic game of cat and mouse, or android and pupil, if you will. Despite its limitations, in 2018 Class of 1999 remains a fun film for teens, fans of films that mock reactionary assholes, people who wish The Terminator (1984) was set in a school, and, crucially, P.E. teachers who wish they could use a flamethrower on that kid who took the piss out of them for teaching Geography.

#Class of 1999 #Movies #Science Fiction #Mark L. Lester #Stacy Keach #Pam Grier #Bradley Gregg #John P. Ryan #Patrick Kilpatrick #United States #1990 #1990s

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hotshotshitshow · 6 years ago

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tell me about your ocs!!! i've really only heard things about them across multiple posts and tbh i haven't been able to keep them straight very well because of that. give me a rundown!!!! im beg

skdjfndskj anon are you for real right now.... is this actually happening... iM SO APPRECIATIVE THANK U you have no idea what this means to me screams!!! i am very sorry for confusion, this is supposed to be my oc blog but i dont post enough about them bc i am a very self conscious person so i know that i dont do a good job on sharing enough info ;n;i will attempt to be concise but idk who im kidding bc im sure this is going to get long so info is going under the cut !! i will.... only talk about my most significant ones just so i (hopefully) dont overwhelm you too much... but i have many more characters ksdkfndlk

sev is ... a lot ok she is very abrasive and intense and reactionary and is a very hard person to be friends with but she is an extremely anxious person and this is often how her anxiety presents itself. she is a person who very much values honesty and while she can be written off as a bully at times she honestly means well and does her best. idk there is so so much i could say about her bc i love her and identify with her so much but i will spare u....

riz is sev’s older sister (sev has three older sisters and riz is the third child in their family) riz is a lesbian and has a lot of trouble dealing with some pretty serious anxiety and depression throughout her life. she doesnt have a lot of great social skills and this often makes her come off as a very cold, intimidating person, but shes actually just scared shitless most of the time. she has absolutely 0 self confidence but if you do manage to befriend her, you’ll see that shes an incredibly funny person (that is if you enjoy toilet humor... she lives for gross humor) that being said, absolutely nothing grosses her out.

basira is the second child in sev’s family. she is basically like everything that i aspire to be... she’s definitely got her shit together ok. she is a very proud person who can sometimes come off as a bit self absorbed but ultimately she loves you and probably wants to be your friend!! her job involves working in a hospice-like setting in which she can help her clients prepare themselves for death and process whatever they need to process. however, she is a psychopomp, and this means that she is able to meet her clients in the spirit world once they die to help ease the process of crossing over and help them not be so afraid. she is a half-ghost polyamorous trans woman who wants to help you through one of the scariest and most uncertain times you will inevitably face at some point.

this is jed.. he is part of the same universe as sev and her family but has a completely different story that doesnt really overlap with theirs at all (this is a pretty pervasive thing for all my characters actually, they are all technically part of the same universe but often stories don’t overlap much) he is a bisexual trans man who is your friendly neighborhood obsessive paranormal geek. he takes lots of things, including himself, Way Too Seriously and doesnt really understand when he’s being made fun of but honestly he doesnt really care. he is a nomadic person who is constantly trying to prove that supernatural entities exist, but has probably never actually had a real paranormal experience. he has a small paranormal team, one of which is sev’s eldest sister vin that i have not mentioned here, minerva who belongs to @thedeadgiraffe, and buck.

buck is a 16-ish year old kid who grew up in rural oregon and is just trying to figure shit out. he is easily stressed out and is a fairly reactionary person but hes honestly just really unsure of himself and scared a lot of the time. he has such a sweet, gentle heart, but is afraid of exposing it for a lot of reasons. he has as weird thing where when his emotions become really intense, it begins to effect the weather in the area around him. he is very not fond of this.

maude is satan in my character’s universe. she is more concerned with making sure that justice is served rather than being an evil person that just goes around doing mean things for no reason. she takes her job incredibly seriously, though you wouldnt guess it right off the bat, as she enjoys messing around and having a good laugh. she was originally born as a human, but ended up taking on the role of satan due to some fairly tragic events in her life and being manipulated by god. she is also polyamorous and is married to basira (the two of them also have one more partner but they belong to @thedeadgiraffe

vivi is a lady who died a long time ago because she did something dumb. she resents more than anything the fact that she is dead and wishes for nothing more than to live again. for now, she's stuck in an old mansion on top of a lonely mountain hoping for travelers to stop by for a rest and ease her aching loneliness. she is able to trick people into believing she is a living person by possessing frozen corpses and wearing elaborate outfits that cover every inch of where skin might be shown. she loves venetian carnival masks and costumes because they hide everything.vivi is social and craves attention and loves feeling like she is taking good care of her guests. she is an entertainer at heart and is extremely theatrical, often bordering on melodramatic. she is a kind person but has a knack for being a brat. she is for the most part very kind to any visitors she has, but is extremely self-absorbed and will "collect" the body of anyone she thinks looks similar enough to how she looked while she was alive. wooOOoo sinister. she is a femme lesbian

quoia is a kind person who just wants to be your friend! they want nothing more than to just get along and have a good time. they are agender, asexual, and aromantic.they are a bit of a noodle and unfortunately have a hard time standing up for themselves, to the point where its pretty unhealthy for themselves. they like bugs, crazy patterns, and bright colors. they have a fear of anything that is too cute, they find excessively cutesy stuff to be extremely unsettling. they meet sev during their freshman year in college as dormmates and have a very rocky beginning together, as you can only guess, but end up becoming life long friends who end up owning a house together once they are older. (this does not mean they are in a relationship, they just know that they are compatible living together)

griselda is a big surly butch lesbian anteater monster lady. she is a lady of few words and always does a good job on her work. she has little interest in most things unless she can benefit from it somehow. if she feels she can get something out of a situation, she can flip on the charm like nothing else. she has a knack for coming off like she really cares and can appear very understanding and sweet but as soon as she's got what she wants from you, she'll drop you immediately.griselda has cryptid status in my character's universe. its almost like being a celebrity in the spirit world. this is fine sometimes, because she enjoys allowing herself to be seen momentarily by humans and stirring up a ruckus and hearing all the far-fetched stories they make up about her, but beyond that she just wants to be left alone. she and maude are drinking buddies.

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tumblunni · 6 years ago

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Man i was just thinking again about that idea i had for a cliche gijinka app card game where the gijinkas are all Interesting Bugs instead of weird sexy anime george washington.

I've kinda got quite attatched to my idea for a leech gijinka as a super cuddly white mage who just happens to look emo and scary. And they'd be a great opportunity for nonbinary representation cos in real life leeches don't have binary sexes anyway. But i cant decide between whether i want them to look like a full plague doctor mask thing or a more cliche cutesy nurse but theyre like super tall and look like the monster girl from the ring so they get sad that people always run away before they can help them! So then i was thinking "hey, alternate skins!" Not like in the other games ive played where there's always one canon skin and all the others require hours of grinding and/or real money to buy. But just that there's like three or so randomized versions of the base character with all the same stats but a different costume. Just to spice up the pool of options a bit! Or maybe it could even be more than just the costume and you can get entirely different reinterpretations of that job class? Like the medusa jellyfish could be either a young kid or a grandpa!

Oh and i'm not really sure how to name this or anything? Cos its not really a clear category of animals, its not all insects or all worms or whatever. More like just..all the animals that are unfairly hated but have Cool Biology Facts that i can babble at u to maybe make u like them more. So i dunno.. Pests? Creepy crawlies? Some entirely made up fantasy term for them?

Also i think the setting will definately be jrpg fantasy! Just a world where all these critters are actually funky people on a comedically bad D&D quest. I wonder who the villains could be tho? Maybe theyre gijinkas of more commonly loved cute animals? Or like.. Not gijinkas but monsterfied versions? Hilariously over the top evil fluffums! hamsters are this setting's dragons! And i dunno maybe the ultimate dark lord is a dog with a cat for a royal vizier or something, cos theyre the kings of popularity.

This could also make it actually make sense why the Clione character could be a beserker like in real life! Cos theyre the most un-hated rare sea slug for looking cute, but their actual personality is big scary predator. But in this universe being seen as cute by humans = evil, so the Clione's fighty doom personality would make perfect sense! Im not sure if i should make them like a tormented Shadow esque antihero or a paladin-looking knight who has a dark streak or maybe even a viking? Cos in videogames theyre like the epitome of 'loves fighting but is still a nice hugs guy'. And it'd be neat to have a chubby buff clione instead of the more cliche bishie gijinka. But then i mean theyre literally nicknamed 'sea angels' or 'sea fairies' depending on country so yeah? Oh or maybe that could mean i make them an elf or an angel but theyre still mega buff! Viking guy with lil chibi wings and halo!

Also randomly i think that Slug will be the other nonbinary character along with Leech. Cos well there's a lot of bugs who dont fit the human gender binary but i'd probably be a bit too obnoxious if i had like 90% enbies and noone else. I always think about like 'if this is my first game project i need to go at a small and reasonable pace with all the Big LGBT Feels', yknow? But then every idea i do is always my first game project cos ive never completed any of them yet XD

Anyway i think Slug would be a more fashionable bishie kind of androgenous character, while Leech is a relateable cuddly socially awkward one who wears a mask. But definately also looks stylish in their own way, and i'm sure Slug is always complimenting them and trying to bolster their spirits! Aside from being super fashionable i also think maybe Slug would be a wandering bard? Cos somehow slow animal -> lazy human -> free spirited instead to be less cliche -> bard. Also the whole 'bard rolls to seduce every boss' meme, lol! So Slug is a very nyeheheh tricksy flirty adventuring song person who aint take nobody's shit. Instead of being sleepy they sleep on the concept of low self confidence! Full and powerful pride at all times!!! Goal in life is to be beautiful AF and handsome AF and make everyone swoon at your feet and also recite an epic poetry so cool that your enemies straight up die from the sick burn. Tho i mean i don't think anyone could actually ACHIEVE that, lol! It might be obnoxious if i actually have a character who's basically 'enby people are literally perfect in all ways'. So i just think Slug is a big ol dork who's like the Gaston archetype of the comically overconfident flirt, but like a good and heroic version who actually respects when people say no to their advances. And is also a great BFF to Leech and tries to help them get out of their shell, because well of course Slug is out of theirs XD

Also actually i dunno whether they should all just be named after the animal or have thier own names but the animal is mentioned on their profile as a job class name or something? Cos it might get awkward once we get to more specific obscure bugs with longer names or ones who only really have a scientific genus name. I'd feel like i'd have to make them all wizards cos their names sound like spells! Oh MAYBE THEYRE SPELLS!! Like each character could chant their own scientific name when they use their ultimate attack??

Oh and maybe Slug and Leech could be just based on the species in general but have their alternate costumes themed after more specific rare subspecies? Like Slug could have nudibranch themed costumes cos the vibrant colours would fit such an elegant fashioniste~ And leech could just be an opportunity to talk about how there's subspecies of leech that dont drink blood, though this character is based on the ones that do because otherwise they wouldnt really have a unique job class, lol. Maybe their rarest alt costume is a fashionable orange ensemble that symbolizes both Slug taking them out for a night on the town in their finest to feel more comfortabke in their self confidence, and also just the fact there's an orange tropical leech. Its kinda funny cos there isnt such a huge range of different colours for leeches, its mostly just different barely visible patterns and a spectrum from greenish brown to brownish black, lol. And then suddenly a bunch of wildly different red and orange ones! And nothing in between! Really does seem like a surprise makeover from your bestie, yknow?

Oh and then when i was thinking about other potential relationships between different magic bug people, i thought of Daddy Longlegs! Cos thats a name confusingly given to multiple bugs of wildly different species who're all mistaken for spiders when they really arent. And this mythical nonexistant daddy longlegs spider also has the myth of having 'the strongest poison but its fangs are too short to bite you' which is COMPLETE nonsense based on nothibg cos how would it even survive in the wild if it cant hunt? But its a real cool myth so it could be an awesome excuse to make them have a move that gambles on either an instant kill or a self debuff. ALSO THEY ARE MARRIED

I was thinking they could be a duo of fabulous zorro-looking assassin dudes who were sent to assassinate each other but instead fell in love and quit the business for good. Like 'you made me want to live again, and the only reason i threw my life away on this job was cos i wanted to die'. And to atone for all the bad mercenary stuff theyd done in the past, now theyre robin hood esque mercenaries who take jobs with world-saving hero groups like our protagonists. And they work for free as long as the cause is just! And they wish they could settle down someday and dream about having children of their own, but they feel like they dont deserve it after all that theyve done. They'd be a rare goofy bugmans that actually have a real emotional backstory! So anyway they're fancy fencing guys who're both the same class but maybe slightly different variants with different stat builds or abilities? More specialized and all. Like maybe one is speedy but weaker and one is slower but stronger? Or one relies more on luck based attacks and one is a consistant damage dealer but has a lower max damage cap? Or even one is status effects and one is attack and really even though they have the same job name theyre wildly different interpretations of it. Fitting for the entomology mistake husbands! I want them to be balanced so that they have special bonuses together but are still viable to use separately if your party setup only requires one of them. Also randomly i think their names would be Albedo and Rubedo? I was originally gonna make Rubedo the name of the leech cos i mean alchemy words and plague masks and all. But then it doesnt really SOUND like an alchemy word, it sounds like a fancy handsome dancer name. And then i started thinking about the cute once-sad-now-happy young assassin dads fighting together so well that it looks like one big dance between them, rather than a battle. And i got REAL EMOTIONAL over goddamn bug gijinkas! Man my heart is made of paper and mush!! Oh and maybe they have combo attacks together but also with all of the party members that are younger? Like special dad instinct combo! A built in ability that they automatically shield the kids from enemy attacks. YOU HIRED A MERCENARY BUT YOU RECEIVED A NICE MARRIED COUPLE WHO PROMPTLY ADOPT YOU. Oh and maybe their alternate costumes could just be each other's costumes? Like they'd already be wearing matching red and white versions of the same thing, but then albino dad wears ginger dad's version and vice versa. Or maybe their alt costumes are different complimentary colour pairs like black and gold or blue and pink? And maybe their ultra rare special costume is Big Cute Dorky Argyle Dad Sweaters! It must be capitalized cos it is IMPORTANT!

Oh and then i was also thinking about the idea i had before of bugs with a queen hive structure being like the workers are the common unit and the breeders and queens and such are rarer variants? But the workers are the only ones actually good in a fight, the others are just for collectables sake. Rare but useless, just like how the real queen bee is so big that she cant leave the hive, and never figjts a day in her life unless the kingdom has already fallen. So maybe queen bee is still unlockable as a rare character but she's just a support that makes worker bee stronger? Like you get a lil event of worker's boss coming to honor her with a knighthood for her good service, allowing her to upgrade her job class. Tho i think she still fights with construction work equipment, now its just like a golden jewelled shovel XD

#bug app game #if i actually make this it obviously wont be an app game cos im not capable of programming or funding that #itd just be a free rpgmaker project that spoofs all the cliches of this genre of gijinka gatcha nonsense #youd just earn coins to buy randomized new units via regular gameplay #and probably have a lot more ease of enjoyment features to balance it out and stuff #like your odds go up if you get lots of unlucky pulls in a row #i just want everyone to have fun and be able to see as many of my goofy characters as possible!#no need to stretch it out to 120 hours if nobodys getting money for it lol

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dangkinronpa · 7 years ago

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positivity for nanami with really bad eczema

ur positivity is under the cut nanami

nanami, i want to start this off by apologizing for how late this is getting to u. its been far too long, and i think u deserve an apology. not only that, but i really hope that ur eczema is getting better and that ur feeling a little more comfortable in ur own skin. im sure ur a great person, and i know that uve got beauty even if u cant see it. while i dont have eczema, i do know that u shouldnt let urself feel down because of ur skin; ur a good person, and nobody should care about how u look. not only that, but i know that u probably look better than u really give urself credit for. so, please dont feel so bad about how u look

first of all, i think that something that would really help u would be techniques that help reduce stress, so that u can work towards managing ur eczema in case it gets bad again in the future. one thing that tends to work for me, personally, is listening to music that helps me relax and get my mind off of things; if u like classical, a lot of classical piano songs are really calming and can help u take the edge off of things a little bit. there are other things that can help u deal with stress too, such as taking some time out of ur schedule to do something that u really enjoy, such as singing or drawing. it doesnt matter what u do, but try not to focus on how skilled or talented u are at what ur doing. this is supposed to help u relax, so if it feels better to just jot down a few doodles instead of going all out, then do that! hot baths are good, too, and self care is always important in taking care of ur health. it might not be something u want to do, but bringing in a bath toy like a rubber duck could also help u focus ur attention on something that doesnt stress u out. long story short, i think that practicing techniques that help u calm down could be really helpful for u

since eczema is a problem with ur skin, i think it goes without saying that practicing good techniques when it comes to taking care of ur skin could be really helpful to u. for instance, try not to wear makeup that might irritate ur skin, and remember not to sleep with any sort of makeup on ur face. remember to drink lots of water, and try to stay hydrated, since that can help bring back some of the moisture in ur skin a little. using water based products for ur skin is also important, and try to avoid products that are alcohol based, since alcohol has a tendency to dry out ur skin even more (which is helpful for some people but not so much for others). in general, just try to keep ur skin and how certain things will effect it in ur mind and try to consciously avoid doing things that might be bad for ur skin. i know that it might feel weird to have to take care of ur skin like that, but in the long run itll be better for u then itll be if u try to cover up ur skin with makeup and try to solve the issue like that; put ur health and safety above things like that. if something ur trying to do hurts ur face, though, u should definitely try to find another way to take care of urself

i know that chances are uve probably worried about what people are going to say to u because of ur eczema, and i admit that some people can be really harsh, but i want u to know that a lot of people most likely dont care that much. theres a lot of people that are too busy dealing with their own lives and their own problems to stop and think about the way that ur eczema is making u look, so dont worry too much about what other people think. itll make u feel a little better to think about the fact that a lot of people probably arent looking at u. in the same vein, im sure that u might also be thinking about urself a little too harshly as well; i understand what it feels like to feel lowly about ur own appearance, but i also know that a lot of times some people might over exaggerate how they look, and considering the fact that u compared urself to a monster, i feel like this might be whats happening with u. the best thing to do in this scenario is to take a deep breath, step back for a second, and think about ur looks from someone elses shoes. try to remember that we see ourselves differently from how others see us, so the way u look to urself is probably much worse than how u look to everyone else. not to mention, ur able to spot ur own flaws easily, but its a lot harder for someone else to spot those same flaws. in the end, though, please remember that ur personality is what matters most, and that people will want to be around u no matter what if u have a good personality. just try talking to a few people and starting up a conversation or two with people u know, if it doesnt make u anxious. try to remember that these people might have come into ur life because of how u looked, but ultimately the people that stay in ur life are there because of ur personality

nanami, in general i want u to know that im really sorry about how uve been feeling, and that im here for u. it can be pretty hard disliking how u look, but i promise that theres a lot more to u than just how u look and that im sure ur an amazing person. even if u dont think ur beautiful on the outside, i want u to try and remember ur inner beauty and realize that ur great no matter what. it might be hard to believe that sometimes, but just doing something as simple as thinking a few positive thoughts about urself everyday can really help u feel better about urself. although i cant say that i know what ur going through from experience, but i know that ur great and that u deserve good things. keep doing the best that u can

please stay safe nanami, and if u want someone to talk to im always here

- mod kaede

#chiaki nanami kin #nanami chiaki kin #positivity

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