#probably not. but there's like 5 of you reading them so I think I'm in the clear
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hawkins-batman · 1 day ago
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The Noah Schnapp Situation Going Into S5
With Stranger Things Season 5 coming out this year, we are unfortunately going to see a revival of the debacle around Noah, even though by then it will be an almost 2 year old subject. So, I thought I would get ahead of that with some of my thoughts based on what I've seen these last few weeks and more broadly over the last 6 or more months I've been on this scene.
Spoiler Alert: This is going to be a long one. It'll probably be my new pinned post.
Why Still Talk About It?
Frankly? Because it's still going on. Keep in mind, Liam Payne died in October 2024 (just three months ago), right around Noah's birthday, and THIS is how Twitter responded to that.
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And just in case anyone thinks I had to dig back a whole 3 months to find Noah-hate-content on Twitter, here was just random things I grabbed from the last week:
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Which brings me to the next point.
Why Do You Even Care?
"Noah doesn't know you." "He's not your pookie."
I know that. The funny thing is, from what little I know about Noah, I'm pretty sure if he DID know me beyond the ONE DM conversation we've had, he'd probably tell me to chill. Dude is very non-confrontational and nice. So, why do it?
Because I think the online movement in favor of Palestinian self-determination has been hijacked by teenagers and performative leftists who care more about looking good for their peers than practicing what they preach.
Because (as you can see above and in screenshots like the one below), people who claim to hold my liberal/progressive/left-leaning values have used this as an opportunity to be openly homophobic and antisemitic towards a then-19-year old who had JUST come out of the closet.
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Proponents of the hate campaign against Noah have said that they are just "holding him accountable" or "criticizing him" in the hopes he "learns something."
Look up. Point to me which image is accountability. Point to me the valid criticisms.
There are none. There is just flagrant homophobia. And then there are posts like this one, coming from the same crowd:
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This behavior is wrong on its face.
It is violent. It is bullying (which doesn't seem like strong enough of a word) and it's bigoted.
Wanna see more? Look up @noah_schnapp on Twitter/X. See what they've done to his account.
Inevitably, some of the people participating in this will see this blog post. If you've made it this far, this is for you:
This behavior discredits your activism. It makes you look performative and fake to say in one breath that you are a "Leftist" who cares about Palestinian lives as well as the lives of minority groups worldwide, and then to turn around and talk like this about a Jewish person and a gay KID. Because he WAS a kid when this started. Furthermore, it makes it clear to those of us who actually hold the beliefs we claim, that you are vapid enough to use Palestinian suffering for your own personal vendettas. That the APPEARANCE of goodness is more important than goodness itself. And that you will shuck solidarity with minority groups the MOMENT one of them steps out of the lines you have drawn around them.
Not to mention...
It's Based Mostly On Lies
As a reminder, this is what Noah Schnapp actually said shortly after October 7, 2023:
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Read that again.
"...we will hope and pray for safety, justice, liberation, and self-determination in Palestine." That was part of the very first thing he ever said about the issue.
And then this happened:
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This was the image he was crucified for.
Stickers that weren't even his. That he wasn't holding up or making. He was in a cafe, someone else came up to him with them, and he was videoed with that person.
That's it. That's all. All those tweets you saw above? The fake stories made up about him like this one?
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All of that was supposedly "accountability."
The harassment of his family. Murder threats. Rape threats. All for stickers that weren't even his.
There's even a paid Stranger Things author on this very site, styling herself as a Byler shipper, who has contributed to the lies that have further added to the hate campaign I've described.
As an aside, Noah wasn't the only one in that video. The influencers that actually posted the video and HAD THE STICKERS?
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Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
And just to be clear - I don't think they should get hate. I think non-Jewish online Leftists appropriated a term from Jewish culture, redefined it, and are weaponizing it to beat down Jews all over the internet—which is par for the course for this charcuterie board of performative activism.
Yet the point stands. Noah was specifically targeted; and the homophobia that IMMEDIATELY came from the Left suggests to me that it was his sexuality and cultural/religious identity that motivated the attacks.
Again, I'll say, this is wrong.
Noah Has Since Responded
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It hasn't stopped the bullying.
Didn't stop him from withdrawing from spaces he loved. From needing therapy from what we've learned from his now-deleted second TikTok.
And that really says something, does it? He cleared up his point. He tried to clarify and even apologize.
They didn't accept it. Not because it wasn't good enough. Not because it was "too late." Because this was the point. They wanted to keep doing it. They get sick joy from it.
Which is why...
I'm Not Shutting Up About This
This post doesn't even nearly cover the whole situation. The Byler fans who try to replace Noah's image in fan art and fan fiction. Who fan cast themselves as Will instead of Noah. The stalking and doxxing on Twitter. People reporting to GIANT hate accounts his location and when he's alone, PRAYING for him to be hurt.
I wish I could cover it all.
We have to stand up to this. On tumblr, on TikTok, on Threads, Twitter/X—everywhere we see it.
For our gay and Jewish siblings who see how Noah was attacked and feel less safe in their online spaces as a result, we have to speak up and say something.
And yeah. We have to say something for Noah, too.
The person who replied to me like this:
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Him?
He did it because he needed to see a show of love from his fans. Doesn't mean he's perfect. Doesn't mean he won't mess up or do something in the future.
And no. Standing up for Noah, or for Jewish people, or other gay folks does not make you a genocide supporter or apologist. It doesn't mean you want any innocent people harmed. Don't give them the power to talk down to you like that. It's bullshit. You know it, and I know it.
All standing up to this vile shit is is an acknowledgement that Noah is a living, breathing person, as some of these people tend to forget.
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And he didn't deserve this.
Any of it.
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glassladyoftheopera · 2 days ago
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In Stars and Time as a Musical Follow Up: Costumes
Okay, a topic I may have enough thoughts on to make a full post about; costumes! (and a little bit stage craft in some places.)
This is mostly about what people would do if they wanted to actually put on a live version of this, versus treating it like a concept album. I am however going to mostly ignore cost restraints outside of like, truly ridiculous stuff.
So first, some general notes.
The color palette: we will still have all of the costumes and sets be in grayscale, with the red used in the 'say it's name' and Act 5 sequences probably mostly being done through lighting. We will not have the actors use skin paint though. I'm not that mean. The audience can buy the idea that the world is meant to be black and white just fine without it.
Materials: I would avoid overly synthetic looking fabrics to maintain the 'vaguely fantasy medieval' vibe, but I wouldn't worry about using actual natural fabric. Comfort and cleaning are higher priorities.
Ensemble: Not much to say about them! Just that the production would have to be careful to make sure everyone is in truly neutral grayscale and not let too warm / cool of grays slip in.
Okay, let's talk characters.
Siffrin is tricky basically every option for interpreting the cloak has it's own pros and cons. Having sleeves means better movement options for the actor, but they only show up in a handful of images in the game. Full poncho means we get Full Triangle Vibe, but it would hamper movement a lot. Cloak with a pinned closed front means we see more of the rest of the costume more often, which I wouldn't mind, but it does break up the classic triangle silhouette. It's honestly still my pick though. Then there's the eye patch. I know some shows just give characters eye patches, and as long as you're careful staging the dances it will probably be fine? But I assume semi-mesh eye patches for performers are a thing, so I'd try to find one of those. Lastly, hat. It probably couldn't be as absurdly big as in game without casting major shadows we don't want on Siffrin's face, so they'll need a slightly narrower brim and we'd keep the hat pinned in a more back position.
Mirabelle's outfit probably wouldn't need to change much, but her little fingerless gloves would need some reinforcement at the top to keep them from falling down her arms. There's also the matter of her needing to have her sword with her most of the show; it might need to be a little smaller than a true rapier, but Shakespeare shows have duels and such so we can make something work.
Odile wouldn't be particularly difficult to costume as long as you don't make her sweater / jacket too heavy and put some straps on her shoes. Fake glasses aren't hard too bad, but some rigging in the back to keep them on will be helpful.
Isabeau I'm sorry but your sleeves have to be a little less gigantic, it will get in the way of the audience being able to read your gestures / get caught on stuff. They can still be long and loose though. Also, in real life the stripes on his pants being that wide could be an issue in terms of reading where he is on stage with the set / looking kind of goofy, so I might make them just a bit thinner.
Bonnie... I do not know how to make your weird pillow hat work in real life. For most game accurate version you'd have to make it completely from scratch. Something like a beret in terms of construction but... big. And probably held up internally with stuffing and wire. The alternative would probably be a big sunhat, and if you want to include Bonnie getting a new hat just slightly redo that scene to find something else that's similar.
Heck yeah its time for Loop! Now, we're definitely not doing a full star head, that wouldn't let the actor do any of that good emoting. But! I think a lower face mask could still work. You might have to hide the actor's mic under there to make sure they could be heard, but it's definitely possible. They would definitely need a custom wig for spikiness, plus a star-like head piece to top it off. Now the rest of it... I mean, you could go full body suit. I'd probably do that as the first choice, though maybe adding a wispy loin cloth or tie around the middle for modesty depending on your performer / venue. But! Different productions could get really creative with it, as long as the base still has them black and covered with stars and there's the star in their chest. Add in some specific design quirks that are only elsewhere found in Sif and The King's costumes, but just tiny little detail type things? Chef's kiss.
Speaking of the King! He unfortunately does need to be Very Big, but thankfully Broadway shows can pull that off! Something similar to the Wizard head in Wicked could work here, where only some parts of the set piece move (mechanically or via puppetry) and the actor is a voice over. The hair could be a mix of practice and projections. The tears that show up in the fight would probably also need to be projected. The hard thing would be getting it to disappear quickly enough. Maybe the last bit before the loop resets is always in front of the curtain? Could be cool. A less well funded production would probably have to either use mostly projections or re-work to use less moving parts.
Last up Euphrasie! Since she has a long dress getting her some extra height wouldn't be too hard, and she doesn't have to dance or anything so that helps. But! She does need to do the Act 4 finale dramatic kneel down, which is harder to work around. If we cast a tall actor and just use lifts in her shoes, it could work. She wouldn't be as super tall as she would be if we used hidden stilts, but I like the image of her cupping Sif's face, it goes all the way back to the comics, I gotta keep it.
What about y'all? How would you dress everyone? Any little details you'd want to see? And tricks to deal with the problems I thought of? Have fun!
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cha-melodius · 12 hours ago
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May I ask you about your writing??? First of all and possibly most importantly, how do you do it? How do you find inspiration and such? How do you make it happen? Because I sat down with a really juicy idea not long ago and I was excited and it was incredibly hard. I deleted it, I was embarrassed. So how do you first, come up with a great idea (which you do you write such cool stuff!) and then bring it to fruition? I’ve always been a decent writer but I was really frustrated with the fic I set out to write!!!
Hey anon! Sorry for sitting on this for a while but it came in the night before a big academic conference for me, so I've had almost no time for anything, sadly.
First off, thank you so much for the compliment on my writing! A lot of the direct answers to your questions are not very satisfying, tbh. Ideas come to me from everywhere—things I watch, read, random internet things—and how I bring it to fruition mostly involves a lot of planning. I got a lot happier with my work when I started making outlines for my fics, so I always know where I want to go with the story and how I'm getting there, versus meandering around aimlessly.
I'm guessing that there was something about your idea that was particularly challenging, since you said that you've always been a decent writer but found what you produced frustrating. Since I don't know the details I'm gonna give some advice that will hopefully cover a few different aspects. And first, a short list, and then the details under the cut because I'm a wordy bitch.
Just keep writing. It can take a while to find your voice.
Get help. Seek out 'subject experts' and people who you think are good at writing the kinds of stories you want to write.
Read a lot, and broadly, especially in the genre you want to write.
1. Just keep writing. It can take a while to find your voice.
I started writing fanfic (or, re-started, because I wrote when I was young and then took a looooong break) to get the stories out of my head, and my first fics were not great lol. They were also for a rarepair and approximately 5 people read them, so there wasn't much pressure I suppose. I was just putting them on AO3 because I figured why not? And then I just kept writing, off and on for different fandoms, until the writing bug really caught me and I started producing a lot more, about five years ago. But it probably took me ~20 fics (several of which were quite long) before I'd consider my stuff to be decent. Whether you share your early works or not is up to you, but in general I'd recommend it because there's a good chance someone will love it (even if you consider it to be substandard) and that can help you feel better about your own writing. I didn't start out good at writing action, but I wrote (and read, see below) consistently in a lot of action-heavy fandoms, so I got a lot of practice. I also feel like the more I wrote, the more ideas I got, and the more unique ideas I got.
You occasionally see someone in fandom who's like "this is my first fic!" and it gets really popular or and lots of hype or whatever, but that's not the typical experience. Most of us start out writing like crap. It's ok. It gets better.
2. Get help. Seek out 'subject experts' and people who you think are good at writing the kinds of stories you want to write.
Ok, so you wrote a first draft you were disappointed in. Ask yourself what was disappointing about it? Do you feel like the beats aren't hitting, or the action is wooden, or the language is awkward? The great thing about fandom and fanfiction is that there are so many people that are willing to help out as beta readers or even just someone to talk to. I understand that getting a beta reader can seem daunting. You don't want someone to criticize your work, or it might seem embarrassing to show someone else a work you feel bad about. But if you get someone else to read it, you'll have the chance to both hear good things about it and also get advice about things you're uncertain about. People come to fandom from all walks of life and I'm a big fan of asking for help if you're writing about something you're not super familiar with. I've never actually been to therapy, so getting help from @celeritas2997 was absolutely critical for me to feel good about my couple's therapy AU. Also you can ask people for advice if they write the kinds of fics you want to write—I've had multiple people ask me for help with their action scenes, and I'm always happy to lend an eye and give advice.
Also, related to this: it's ok if you don't like your first draft. But don't delete it! Put it aside, whether you ask someone else to look at it or not, and come back to it a while later with fresh eyes. It may not be as terrible as you thought! Or maybe there are parts you still hate, but there are other parts that you can work on and revise.
3. Read a lot, and broadly, especially in the genre you want to write.
Want to write sci-fi? Read a lot of sci-fi novels. Read a lot of sci-fi AUs. Break out of your fandom and read fics in fandoms you don't know—I used to do this a lot and it was one of the most important steps in my process of finding my own voice as well as understanding how stories are built. When you read in only one fandom, you get used to a lot of the same voices and types of stories, but there is SO MUCH out there. I've been known to scroll through the 'Enemies to Lovers' tag on occasion, but also I will go into fandoms for media I know but have no strong connection to, don't want to write in but know the characters, and read those. I spent a lot of time reading X-men, Good Omens, Witcher, even MCU juggernauts like Stucky even though I don't really ship them. I know it probably sounds crazy to tell you to go read other fandoms when (I'm assuming you're RWRB) there's so much in this one, but I do think it's valuable. This one is not only for getting exposed to a lot of writing styles, but also lots of ideas. I've definitely gotten a lot of ideas that spun off from something else I read.
I feel like none of this is particularly revolutionary advice, but I hope it at least gives you (and anyone else who manages to read this far lol) some confidence to keep going and go after those stories you want to write. Everyone—me, popular fandom writers, professional authors—started out just writing a lot, and they improved over time.
Most importantly: just keep going. You can do it!!
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kbookblurbs · 2 days ago
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Wind and Truth - Brandon Sanderson (Stormlight Archive #5)
4/5 - midseason-finale ass book; he needs to scrap this editor; this book simply never ends
MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!! LIKE FIRST LINE!!!
We finally come to the end of the first arc of the Stormlight Archives and they are going to need a new name. Before we dive in, I want to clarify that I did enjoy this book! I think it tackled a series of very hard-to-conclude plotlines in a relatively good way, and I think it sets Sanderson up for success in the latter half of this series. With that said, I'll be splitting this review into four parts:
Kaladin, Szeth, & therapy speak
The Spiritual Realm plot
Azir
Book mechanics
Kaladin, Szeth, & Therapy Speak
Now first of all, anyone who's read anything I've written knows I love Kaladin - he's one of my favorite characters of all time and his journey through depression is one of my favorite parts of this series. That said. I find the whole timeline of this healing to be highly suspect, and his attempts at therapizing embarrassing at best and deeply annoying at worst. What context is there for him to go from literally attempting suicide in the last book to semi-competent therapist in no time at all? Need I remind Sanderson myself that there is no time skip between the end of RoW and WaT?
The language is also just bafflingly modern in a way that nothing in this series has been before, but we'll get to more on that later.
The flip side of this criticism is that Szeth's plotline was easily my favorite of the book. His completed arc might rise to rivaling Kaladin's (thus far) in terms of how much I enjoyed it. His backstory is so tragic (slay for the almost successful military coup though?) and I truly believed he wasn't going to make it through the book until the very last page. His moments with his father, in the past and present, brought me to tears more than once.
The Spiritual Realm Plot
This whole plotline took too long and frankly, it was boring. Watching Shallan slay her demons for the umpteenth time and deal with Formless again and kill her mother again was, and this may be controversial, not a very interesting plot point to me. She's done all this before. I feel that this book, as a whole, gave diminishing returns on her pagetime to character development ratio. I also don't feel that Shallan, with all her everything else, needed a Herald as a mother as another twist, but maybe that will be more relevant in the future. For that reason, and that reason only, I'll bite my tongue on criticizing it unnecessarily
While it was nice to see Renarin and Rlain get together, I have to admit that Renarin's POV didn't add much for me. I think Sanderson could have written the entire plotline for these two from Rlain's perspective and it would've been far more interesting since he is, in my opinion, the more interesting character between the two of them. Renarin's POV does not reveal anything that isn't already clear from other POVs.
I also just wanted more of Ba-Ado-Mishram. She was haunting the story but not present. I understand that's likely for later plot reasons, but it did make this section drag. Dalinar contributed to that but  we don't have time to get into that right now. I was happy he died though (long overdue, in my opinion).
Azir
Adolin #1 character of all time? The only one to save their assigned city and did it with 0 Radiants and the power of friendships? Nobody is doing it like him.
I loved the founding of the Unoathed and, particularly, Yanagawn's development. I'm really hoping that Yanagawn becomes a more important character in next major arc, since he was so sweet here.
I did not love that we spent probably 25% of the book in Azir fighting battles. Contrary to the opinion of Sanderson many fantasy authors, there is an upper limit on how many battles you can include before I get tired of reading them. There's only so many ways you can swing a sword or block a pike etc etc before I'm bored.
Book Mechanics
Overall, I find this concluding book to be much weaker than the other 4 in the series. Whereas it had seemed that the pacing was improving in Oathbreaker and Rhythm of War, here we were back to all over the place. While I liked that he split the plot into each day leading up to the contest, the timeline genuinely made no sense.
Beyond that, this entire book was filled with oddly YA-style prose that has never appeared in the Stormlight Archive until now. I think whoever edited this book must be different from the other four because, in my opinion, it was much too modern, not as tight, and frankly, not as good. And I know this might be controversial, but I did not think Maya calling Adolin a slut was funny. Why would she even use that word? Whore or prostitute would've been acceptable because they've been referenced here before but I found that example and others like it to be jarring.
Conclusion
I liked this book, but it's by a longshot my least favorite in the series. It was too long and frankly, some of the characters didn't even sound like themselves. I know that Sanderson can do better than this, but it leaves me a little wary for the next arc.
There's lots here I didn't cover (Jasnah my beloved, Sigzil! I'm in mourning) but this was already quite long. DMs / ask box are always open if you'd like to chat more.
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pinkkop · 1 day ago
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Euthanasia and Assisted Suicide:
Spare Me Your Mercy vs. real life
@elimstilnotgarak has got me thinking about Spare Me Your Mercy and specifically euthanasia again so while everyone is talking about how the screenwriter Lux talked about NC scenes in their interview I wanted to talk about something completely different that stood out to me when I read the interview for the first time (other than the NC scene talk), which is this section:
"Euthanasia doesn’t mean you can request an injection to die simply because you’re tired of life. Even in Europe, where euthanasia is legal, there are strict requirements. You must have a certified medical condition specified in the law, endorsed by at least two medical specialists, and the illness must be truly incurable and that you are waiting for death. The purpose of this law is to prevent these individuals from suffering. Instead of suffering for another year, they can die. It's not about being bored with life or lazy to live or not liking yourself when you're old, so you let them inject you with a lethal dose. They don't do that. Many people misunderstand that if you don't want to live, you can go for euthanasia."
The thing is, euthanasia in the form shown and talked about in the show isn't legal in the majority of Europe. Only 5 countries in Europe have legal "Active voluntary euthanasia" which is what Dr. Kan practices and the rest of Europe (except for a couple of micro nations) only have legal "Passive euthanasia" (refusal of treatment / withdrawal of life support)(source: Wikipedia).
I found this particularly interesting because Switzerland is not one of those countries. This made me want to dig further because as long as I can remember media has always been portraying Switzerland as the place where you go if you want to die.
Like in the movie "Me Before You" Sam Claflin's character goes to Switzerland at the end because he doesn't want to live as someone paralyzed from the neck down anymore and even in the BL Every You, Every Me Top's character is going to Switzerland in episode 3, which was the moment I knew episode 4 was going to be really sad because even if they didn't say it explicitly I guessed why he was going to specifically Switzerland.
So why is it that Switzerland seems to have an image of being the place you go if you want to die legally?
It turns out that what IS legal in Switzerland is assisted suicide which has been legal there for over 40 years but even assisted suicide is only legal in 6 countries in Europe in total, if you only count the countries where it's both legal, legislated and regulated (source: Wikipedia).
Switzerland is one of the few places that allow assisted suicide for non-resident foreigners and I'm assuming this is why Switzerland has the mentioned reputation.
If you're curious about the specifics of euthanasia and assisted suicide and how it is enacted in countries like Switzerland I found a really interesting webinar/talk on youtube where a Swiss Palliative Care Doctor talks about her experience with assisted suicide in Switzerland hosted by a Canadian human-rights charity Dying With Dignity Canada in 2022. I found it super insightful and I would highly recommend watching/listening to it because they get into a lot of specifics about how it works in the real world and since the guest is a Swiss doctor and the organization is Canadian you get a broader focus than just what it's like in Switzerland.
One thing I found particularly interesting about the webinar is how Dr. Erika talks about euthanasia (in the form Dr. Kan practices) as if it is not likely to become legal in Switzerland which makes me think that Spare Me Your Mercy and its source book, Euthanasia, should really have been about assisted suicide, but getting into those kinds of details in the book or show would probably not have worked and the book title of Euthanasia is a little cooler than Assisted Suicide 😂
In the small amount of research I've done it also doesn't seem completely clear whether assisted suicide is considered a form of euthanasia but what Dr. Kan does in Spare Me Your Mercy is definitely not helping the patients commit assisted suicide because for that to be the case the patient themselves would need to be administering the lethal dose of medicine.
Hope you found this insightful and I highly recommend doing the dishes while listening to the webinar!
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whenastrofell · 1 day ago
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(I guess we'll have to stay together... for the public... /j) (Also I forgot to respond for like. A day or two. So I guess we're even)
She was an... interesting person, I'll say that much. It's been a few years maybe she's changed-
I think you're more shocked than I was reading it at the time aldkfasl;k- I came pre-desensitized lmao
They were so good! I loved them! I got soo far and it's like. The world was insane like it was just a pokemon game. Nintendo was just jealous lowkey. I got voted off roblox survivor so many times... :( Truly sad for like. 10 year old me. (Damn... I guess you can steal one of my libraries we have enough alkjds)
I have not ever related to a character as much as I relate to Fugo. I don't want to know what that says about me lmao- My irl friend (if I talk about my irl friend it's almost 95% sure it's her- My bestie fr) got me into she ra and I got her into vld. We were obsessed- I'm surprised my dad didn't make fun of it- He has this things where he'll watch the netflix adaptation of 80s cartoons and get mad at them for being cheesy like father. Father this is He-Man. Father this is fucking He-Man of course it's cheesy??
I think him being the favorite is probably just canon? I forget if they use those exact words but at the beginning of pt5 he does know where Polpo's treasure is and those other guys know he knows so. I think it's canon. I need to rewatch it but I'm bad at watching shows-
Twitter scares me bc of musk rat man and also I tried posting my art and it just got nothing and like. I don't make art for internet attention but I don't even wanna be on twitter anyway so I deleted it-
Oof yeah that sucks. Most of my friends are on the same wavelength as me so we get work done we're just ✨annoying✨while we do it.
My friends listen they just don't remember lol- I cannot blame them. I remember very little of the plot of Heaven Official's Blessing, but I do know "she was ugly and now she's dead" and that Pei Ming is hot and that's all that matters. My friend remembers that Giorno is terrifying and that I'm obsesed with Fugo and Mista and that's what's important lol. Ooof that sucks- I showed my friend part one and she liked it (she just hates me for watching the dub lmao). My partner and I do a thing where since we both get Super Obsessed with stuff we alternate episodes (e's currently showing me dungeon meshi and I'm showing em jjba part 5 :3) (I showed her a fic I was writing and she only knew about Giorno at that point so she combined them in her head. Now she does it to spite me... And other people have caught on...). Okay yeah I did see the smiley faces and stuff that makes more sense now-
You should totally ramble to me about ships you like :3 However many you like I’m just curious uwu
(I didn’t answer this as soon as I got it bc I was thinking about what to say lolz 😭)
tbh I like most ships as long as it’s not problematic or I find them weird/that they don’t have much chemistry. I also don’t mind poly or platonic ships (duh). I’d be sitting here all day yapping ab the ships I like/am okay w bc frankly it doesn’t have to strictly be character A X character B, I think it could also be character A X character C, etc. as long as it’s not any wrong. I won’t be going apeshit(/neg) over ships that I don’t like as much or have like a 2 year age gap. I mean, I think it starts to get weird when there’s 4 years of difference. I think people do too much when they hate on less popular ships smh if it’s nothing weird then let ppl have fun w their little kitty witties smh 😞
Huge yapping starts here vvv
Some ships I like tho r a lot of Ghibli movie couples in general bc they’re just super cute and I love the writing Ghibli does for its characters (I want what they have.). I also like Yukito/Yue X Touya and Syaoran X Sakura from CCS but that doesn’t mean I don’t also like Tomoko X Sakura (pretty sure Tomoko implied to like her anyway). I also like some other side ships from CCS but I barely remember their names bc it’s been so long since I’ve watched it and Netflix took it down 💔. CCS ships r cute in general I think, I’ve never seen any problematic ship (except that one girl X her fucking teacher. Pookie. You’re like 13. Don’t date ur teacher. And she was so pretty too bro why did they make her a questionable character 😭). And now. Getting to jjba my beloved. Since I unfortunately focus so so so much on p5 those are the only ships I’ll yap ab 😢. Huge honorable mention to Jonathan X Erina (jonaeri) tho they’re super cute together even if a lot of ppl said they barely have screen time and stuff :3. Anyway. Part 5. I honestly don’t care much about ships in la squadra as long as they had some form of interaction y’know (I don’t pay too much attention to La squadra anyway 💔). Usually ppl get really divided when it comes to Bucci gang ships tho. Honestly I’d rather see them all as a friend group that see each other as siblings to avoid all that shipping, but I admit I really like some pairings, like fugonara, bruabba, giotrish, futrish, naratrish, etc. I really don’t mind it that much (I don’t rlly ship mista w anyone bc I just don’t think there’s anybody matching his freak 😭). I mainly ship fugonara as you can see just bc to me it makes a lot of sense even if I also see them under platonic light. If there’s fugo, there’s narancia, and if there’s narancia, there’s fugo. I just find that rlly cute :3. I also like their backstories and how they tie together and the narancia death scene ripped my heart out in the anime so (IM CRYING AGAIN JUST FROM THINKING AB IT STOP 💔). Again that doesn’t mean I dislike the other ships, I just don’t pay much attention to them or think they had as much chemistry or time together. I love seeing my fave characters tho, so it’s not like I won’t like the content if there’s like gionara or something. Honestly I like seeing ppl have fun w their cutie patooties as long as it’s not too controversial, once again. It’s rlly a shame that ppl can jump at each others throat bc they disagree on a mere ship. It’s literally not gonna alter your life. Also, bc I say a ship some bucci gang characters doesn’t mean I don’t also ship them platonically. (I’ll type it like it’s ao3 tags lolz. Pretty sure & instead of / is for platonic, right?) I rlly like Narancia&Mista&Fugo (torture dance trio is literally the best friendship ever to me bc wdym you did a coordinated dance w ur homies to torture someone that’s so cool). There are also a few others, but they don’t come to mind rn (and there’s a f,y in my room annoying me.) You know what I think I gave jjba way too much attention. I also like Mimi X Sheshe (my fav lesbians fr 😍) from mermaid melody pichi pichi pitch. They tried censoring them by making them “sisters”, but they were blatantly and very obviously lesbians. Like vro. They are touching each other so homoerotically and have complimenting colours. And I think that’s most of it…
I don’t wanna make this any longer than it is so um. Yeah. This was a ramble. I didn’t realize it was so long lolz. But yeah it’s basically that :3
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 7 months ago
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Thank you all for an incredible 500 days of love and support. I offer you: answers to questions that no one has asked.
(As always, more can be found in the tags <3)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#a-qing#jin ling#wen ning#jiang cheng#“Hey wait this feels like there should have been way more content for questions” Yes. There was.#I was not strong enough to redraw *all* of what was lost. Rest in piece the original (lost to tea related accident)#But I'll tell you all the fun other things that would have been drawn out right here in the tags!#Did you know my longest posting streak was 61 days? And my longest hiatus was 6 days?#Did you know I missed posting on 92 days of those 500 days - meaning I posted 82% of the time on a daily basis?#I'm normal about collecting data. I have so much data on this blog for normal reasons. I'm also so normal about art. The normalest.#Honorable mention for the character rankings: Lan Wangji! for “Most improved in rank”.#Sorry Lan Wangji fans but until the audio drama I honestly was...pretty indifferent towards him.#I think a huge part of that was due to the fact he's constantly paired up with WWX; who has *so* much charisma and steals the scene#But I've really come to like him a lot more since starting this project. He rose from mid-tier to being in the top ten!#Dishonorable mention: Nie Huaisang. Who fell out of number 1 spot and out of the top 5.#He just hasn't shown up a lot! And my rankings are fickle! They will probably change once I finish the third season!#My favourite comics are: A lot of them! And the ones I have yet to make!#I'm very sleepy at the moment while writing this but I do want to give a huge shout out to YOU.#Yeah! you reading this! Thank you! If you've been here since the first week or just started reading: THANK YOU!#If you've only ever lurked and never even liked a single post but still read my comics: THANK YOU!!#In creating this blog - I have found 500 days of more happiness that I could have ever imagined.#Thank you for joining me on this journey. Thank you for giving me your time and your support.#It means more than any 'thank you' could say B'*)
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deoidesign · 4 months ago
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Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between
#to be or not to be. that is the question#ty adam for being my model for dramatic vampire moment#musings on the thinkings about:#when to live you are required to hurt others. you must repeatedly ask yourself what the value of your life is#To sleep... perchance to dream...#ah. THERES THE RUB.#ok I actually couldnt come up with too many thoughts. I had a lot more while I was drawing this but I guess I put them in the painting LOL#reading that soliloquy and being like damn this is just like vampires#the reality of course is that the soliloquy is a debate over suicide and ultimately making the choice to live#even if just out of fear of the unknown#and vampires are about dying and then in undeath choosing to continue to live#despite the fear of eternity and loneliness and hurting others#theyre not the same. but like let me thiiink come onnnn I'm allowed to thiiink and have incomplete thoughts#I would have to write like a proper essay about this to organize my thoughts. this is the tags on a tumblr post.#anyways finished episode 79#working on patreon stickers for this month (and next month soon)#and working on book 4. taking a pause from episodes cause I've got 3 weeks of buffer now... UGH#I'm so mad that they changed it. it would have been 5 weeks before but it's fine it's whatever#anyways yeah taking a break from episodes to make my book now!#its good stuff.#and this painting is good stuff#banger after banger from me tbh#this was a little relaxing giving myself a couple hours to muse#it's necessary for my health and I always forget that til I do a painting...#I loved doing the little landscape in the background too I should do that more! I love how plants are just like whatever shape you want#like you can make up any plant you want and not only does that plant PROBABLY exist somewhere#a weirder plant exists somewhere too. so. literally whatever you want#ok bye again for a few days while I get back to work
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wallbeatjournal · 7 months ago
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what if i told you hiram lodge was a redditor?
i think he's catfishing and suicide-baiting posters on niche kink subreddits at this very moment
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dw-flagler · 7 months ago
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its kind of funny to me that in the comics supergirl kind of occupies the spot for like the edgy superman. which is kind of weird for her typical role as kid sidekick to superman because her thing as a character (at least the versions of her character that i like) is that she doesn't have a reason to help anybody and doesn't like earth. edgy superman. but she's also the kid sidekick. strange juxtaposition
#it obviously depends on which comic you're reading#cause like there are completely different versions of supergirl depending on which version we're talking about#there's like 3 different supergirls with 5 different backstories#there's the one where she's a kind of slime goop that mimics the form of a girl--that was matrix#that was the version from the 80s that continued into the 90s--the weird run that had like angels and demons and stuff#god that one was weird#then there was the main one which is kara zor el but she has like 3 different backstories on her own#there's the argo city one which is truly horrible where like she watches thousands of people die in front of her#that one was most recently used in the supergirl woman of tomorrow comic written by the vile tom king at least as far as i'm aware#then there was the pod version (the more popular one) which has two variations on its own#variation one was that she's actually older than superman but got stuck in suspended animation for like 25 years#and variation two where she's just younger than him and i don't know how that works#of course the argo backstory is also the pod backstory they're not incompatible#it does beg the question of which you think is more tragic:#waking up one day to find out everyone you ever knew is dead and gone or watching them all die slowly in front of you#anyway the third super girl is power girl who is super girl except older so she's power girl because they didn't do a 2 spider man thing#this is easy to follow right#oh right and apparently they made a completely new backstory for her in my adventures with superman though i never watched that#because i still have to finish the supergirl cw show which is ANOTHER version of her character where she's 24 instead of a teenager#which sounds like a small thing but it literally turns her into a completely different character#i mean like powergirl is a completely different character isnt she#what was i talking about? right i kind of liked new 52 supergirl at least the first few issues#i really liked the disorientation of “where am i who are these people where's my family” she goes through#shame it kind of sucked#i'm probably not going to finish the CW show by the way. i'll probably give up halfway through season 3 if we're being optimistic
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icewindandboringhorror · 7 months ago
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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dravidious · 7 months ago
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You're more amazing than rules
Working on Modified Set 2.0! I've made some commons today and the ally-color archetypes are:
Auras
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Modified
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Equipment
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Supplies
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And Enchantments
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A lot of these probably really need the context of the enemy-color archetypes to make sense, but this post is already long. One little hint: Red also gets Resonance creatures, but Differently.
#asks#custom cards#i'd put all the cards under a read more but that ruins the image formatting and makes them all huge#resonance originally wasn't an ability word but then i remembered a piece of mtg design wisdom:#if you're writing the same thing on several cards then just keyword it#anyway i'm kinda worried that this set isn't very unique#like the equipment theme is just a basic equipment theme with nothing to set it apart#same with the auras#Resonance helps the enchantment theme stand out a little but it's pretty basic too#oh well probably best to keep things simple#i'm One Person designing a whole magic set solo. making it complicated would be an unnecessary hurdle#in the original modified set i felt like i had to make unique mechanics for the equipments and auras#and for THAT set i probably did because it had like 3 themes. 4 if you count mentor and support as separate and 5 if you count modified#that is Not Enough to fill a set#but now i've broadened the design space a bunch so i'm fine#also thinking about adding Bestow to help get more auras in#supply tokens make for lots of artifacts and +1/+1 counters and auras really need the help#it would be the 5th mechanic in the set (kinda) so that would probably max out my mechanic budget#but i think auras really do need the help#thought about adding Escape but just for auras but that would just make them into equipment#bestow is a very Aura way to make more interesting and better auras and i've already got enchantment creatures so why not
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#saw a reply to a post that was like#websites only have apps to get more ad revenue out of you#and like. what i had to say about this wasn't the point of the original post so I'm making my own#but Reddit's mobile site used to be perfectly good and engaging#now it's changed layouts and stuff and it looks like the app. which we despise and hate and find unintuitive and user-unfriendly#which means what in practice? we're not using the app we hate it. we're just not on Reddit if we're not on the computer (old Reddit beloved#but it's not losing them ad revenue because we use an ad blocker so they probably don't give a shit either way#:/#saltposting#actually ETA I think a lot of things we hate about the Internet under late stage capitalism is. why does everything have to change layouts#all the time#for no good reason#like if it works there's no need to fix it#but nooo endless growth blah blah blah maximise user engagement blah blah blah money etc#how about retain the users you already have by remaining what they liked about you in the first place. ever think about stability?#there is a reason why we have autoupdates turned off on our phone and there's like 5 apps that are FORBIDDEN to update#Tumblr because we don't like the overhauls to the notes section (the ones where they're coloured differently based on read/unread#instead of on people you follow/don't follow)#Discord because the new layout looks like absolute shit and having DMs separate from servers would be hell for our processing#and ability to respond to both#our red filter app because it's gonna stop filtering wallpaper to comply with Android regulations and that's a no from us#are the main three but I think there might be others I'm not thinking of#anyway. yeah#I wish for predictable apps that don't suddenly throw new layouts at you every time you've finally gotten used to the last change#I don't wanna be kept on my toes real life does enough of that. I want to have a stable anything in my life is this too much to ask for
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brittlebutch · 4 months ago
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actually, having a kind of revelatory moment here of if HRT was something i have been considering for this long, but has remained inaccessible to me, then that means i Do actually have opinions about my appearance/presentation, so just because i can't take That Particular step doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of other avenues i could be pursuing (ie, clothing/accessories/etc.) that i just haven't let myself up until this point. like i don't have to shove it All aside just because there's one thing i can't get -- I'd probably still wind up a lot happier if I took those other steps I've spent all these years ignoring
#N posts stuff#like what i mean is; the nearest informed consent clinic is like 80 miles away. theoretically some people could pull that off probably#but i can barely do 5-10 mile drives so that's fundamentally inaccessible. the realization is that IF it was closer#the probability of me actually pursuing that is actually kind of high. not even because i feel a particular NEED for it#hrt is one of those things that for Me is like 'i just think it would be Cool. i don't need it but i might be happier trying it'#BUT one thing i've consistently had problems with is that i Do Not really buy myself clothes because i always get caught up on cost#like 'if i don't really care That Much why should i invest in it' thing. i've been in that rut for most of my life i'd say#complicated by the fact taht i do depend on my mom's advice/help for a Lot of things and we have fundamentally incompatible styles#so not being able to agree on things makes it hard to actually Pursue what i want in these areas#but if leading up to researching clinic options i was both thinking 'i'd spend the money on this' AND 'i'd completely#disregard my mother's opinions on this' in order to pursue it; then since it's inaccessible to me i Should be taking those core convictions#and bringing them to the things i Can change/access and take Those steps instead#to use a wildly different metaphor - the vacation thing of 'wherever you go there You are' -> HRT is the big expensive vacation#but if my clothes are still something i'm not happy with then how much genuine satisfaction would i get out of my appearance after#taking those Big Steps. since the little ones have been left completely in the dust. you know?#no one asked but tumblr is like the only medium i use where i actually go back and look at things from the past#so if i have some kind of revelation about my life it has to go on tumblr if i want to remember it.#(like sure i Could keep journals but actually reading back through them makes me nauseated lmao. so not very helpful in practice)
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WIP Wednesday
Dreamwalker (Eddie’s Story) Summary: Steddie Canon compliant/fix-it fic paired with a corresponding story in Steve’s POV, each chapter happens in tandem with the other. Eddie wakes up alone in the Upside Down, not knowing how he survived, and unable to reach anyone topside in Hawkins. Wounded and alone, he finds shelter at the Harrington’s house (the place is a damn fortress after all), and while hiding out there discovers that he has gained the ability to walk into other people’s dreams.
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(unbeta’d snippet from Chapter 02; the second dream that Eddie encounters where it belongs to Steve and not himself. He’s still learning the ropes on the dream-walking, rules tbd. Some more information is revealed on both sides, although Steve still believes Eddie is dead, and Eddie is just glad to be around another human being. Especially one that is comes in the shape of Steve Harrington. There are talks about his death, as well as some characters that appear or are mentioned in the dream that Eddie does not know are alive/hurt/dead, and in this particular fic Eddie is gay instead of bisexual. I personally support all orientations for him. We just love Eddie given the chance to love in this household, no matter what shape or form that comes in.)
When Eddie dreams that night, he’s surprised to find himself in a very vivid version of Hawkins.
It’s evening, and the sky is a beautiful watercolor dusk of blues and pinks and purples. It’s not too hot, like summer, but no chill of autumn creeps under his clothes, and if he’s not mistaken – he can hear the sound of laughter and bike wheels clicking just down the road. He blinks himself into awareness, sitting atop the picnic table outside of his trailer like he’s done many a night with his Uncle Wayne. Smoking cigarettes and talking about everything and nothing at all. But Wayne isn’t there, and when he looks over to the road that runs alongside Forest Hills Trailer Park he can see Max booking it around the corner with her skateboard under her feet and the rest of their crew on their bikes waiting for her. Looking up to no good. Eddie’s favorite kind of activity.
He tosses his cigarette to the gravel, and starts making his way over – hoping to catch them – and finds another person walking along the road a few yards ahead of him. A very familiar person, and Eddie (God help him) actually grins at the sight. Ever since the first time he’d dreamed of Steve (or with him, jury’s still out on that one) Eddie had had nothing but nightmares and the deep sleep of blackness that was almost just as scary. Steven Harrington was a sight for sore eyes.
“Harrington!” he calls into the evening air, making Steve pause and look back at him. He’d been keeping an eye on the kids, the group making their way somewhere on this side of town with the kids doing wheelies and trying to hop the curb while Max flipped her skateboard and schooled all the boys with her skills.
“Munson,” Steve greets him, a smile curling at the side of his mouth handsomely and hanging back until Eddie caught up to him. Such a gentleman. “I see you’ve decided to join us.” 
Eddie has no idea what he is talking about, but it’s a dream and Eddie was born to role-play so he just shrugs his shoulders and gives Steve a grin that’s more devil-may-care than mischievous (like he was going for). “Yeah, well, I figured it was time for me to make an appearance in the land of the living.”
Steve frowns at him, hands in his pockets, and the change in expression is so quick it's comical.
“That’s not funny.”
Eddie cackles, despite himself. “It’s a little funny. I almost died, man, let me own it.”
He doesn’t mean to say it the way he does; but just like that, the tension leaks out of Steve’s stupidly broad shoulders – and the dream makes sense once more. It can continue without bringing up the awkward fact that Eddie did die. Out there. But right here, right now, he’d made it, and they were walking the weirdly vacant streets of Hawkins while the sun set as slow as molasses on the horizon.
But it’s nice, this atmosphere around them. The day laying itself to rest, the kids in the background, he and Steve shooting the shit as they walk at a leisurely pace. Yet, the kids never go too far out of sight, and the sun never sets too low, and the streets seem to go on for miles no matter how many blocks they walk. Eddie eventually pulls out a blunt and lights up, offering it to Steve as they walk. Only about a foot of space between them, shoulders bumping when they meander too close.
“So where are we going, again?” he asks, taking the blunt back from Steve after letting him have the green hit. The guy's lung capacity from being a swimmer all those years really comes in handy, there, the cloud of smoke he lets out is impressive to say the least.
“The Byers place? Family dinner?” Steve says it like questions, although they are very much statements. Eddie had no clue that was their destination. “Joyce and Hopper have them all the time, and you better be glad you decided to come tonight before you got on their bad side. You’ve missed too many already.”
Hopper.
This really was a dream.
Eddie coughs on his exhale, choking on it more like, and spits onto the ground frantically to get the taste of marijuana out of his mouth. “Shit! Jesus Christ.” He immediately puts out the blunt on the bottom of his dirty white high-tops, hopping on one foot to do so while Steve hovers nearby incase he topples over. “You coulda warned me! Fucking Hopper.” But Eddie is all smiles as he says it. Because Hopper, man that had been a blow to the gut when he’d died last year. He missed that man’s hard-ass mug, even more so during the whole ‘hiding from the police’ incident that just occurred. Eddie couldn’t help but think that if Hopper had been around he wouldn’t have been on the run, or hunted down so viciously by all of Hawkins. 
“He’s not a cop, anymore,” Steve informs him, laughing at his scatter to hide his contraband.
“Yeah but he’s busted my ass far too many times for me to show up at his HOUSE reeking of the devil’s lettuce.”
Steve laughs loud and carefree into the night, and Eddie wishes he could bottle up that sound and keep it forever. He doesn’t know if he’s ever heard it from Steve before.
He spends the rest of their walk doing his utmost best to get him to laugh like that over and over again.
Eventually, they make it down the rows of suburban houses and into the wooded outskirts. Where the Byers live. Everyone in town avoided it after the youngest Byers kid died and then came back to life. Eddie never really got to ask the more in-depth questions about that, Henderson and Mayfield had kind of glossed over it. But it definitely had something to do with the Upside Down.
Then, before he could blink, they arrived at the little one-story house hidden beneath towering trees and bracketed by the forest. Eddie has never been here before. He imagined a decrepit place, after it being empty for so long and no one buying the property. But it looks well cared for. The driveway is full of cars and the kids' bikes are tossed in the grass, and there’s laughter coming from the backyard. And Eddie hesitates. This place, this home, it feels so established. There’s so many details. Is this what was actually happening out there, right now?
“So this is your dream, is it?”
Steve stops when Eddie speaks, turning around to find him still standing in the middle of the driveway among fallen leaves and not taking another step towards the house. He looks at Eddie weirdly, confusion creasing into his expression as he squints his eyes.
“What?” It would be a weirdly specific question, if Harrington realizes he’s dreaming. Eddie isn’t sure, so he swallows and kicks at the leaves on the ground. 
“This,” he nods to the house. “This is what we fought for? No one is dead. Everyone is here. Family dinners.” It hurts Eddie’s empathetic little heart more than a bit, that this is what Steve dreams of. This is what makes him look so content, unlike the state of stress and distress he’d seen for days on end over Spring Break.
“Yeah, Munson. This is it. This is everything I’ve ever wanted.” Steve tries to say it sarcastically, it sort of comes out that way, but the real meaning behind the words shines so genuinely in his eyes Eddie feels fondness blossom in his own chest. ((This is everything he’s ever wanted. Family Dinner. Everyone alive and safe.))
God, Eddie was so fucked. And about Steve fucking Harrington, too. How was this his life?
“...are you sure I should come in? I mean,” Eddie kind of gestures to himself. Every inch of his appearance screams he’s someone that doesn’t exactly fit into a ‘family dinner’ scenario. He’d spent a long time cultivating that look, don’t get him wrong. But he’s not exactly the guy you bring home to meet the parents, anyway. Drug dealer, three-time senior, closer to being able to buy beer than getting his diploma or a real job. Eddie has no illusions about his situation.
Steve looks legitimately offended.
“Of course you should come in.”
As if there was no other explanation. No argument whatsoever. Not to him. It makes butterflies the size of those damn demobats start to flutter about in Eddie’s stomach. He covers the sensation the best way he knows how.
“Aww, Harrington,” he coos, twisting a little and swaying like a schoolgirl in pigtails – dragging a strand of hair across his face for good measure. He can pantomime with the best of them. “You’d miss me that much if I wasn’t there?” 
“Yes.” 
Steve doesn’t hesitate, and doesn’t take the bait of Eddie trying to twist this into an unserious scenario. Hell, Eddie isn’t sure Steve pauses to breathe first before he answers. And Eddie’s eyes go a little wider when that about knocks the wind out of him. His charade shattered and broken apart in his hands. 
But Steve doesn’t act any wiser to Eddie’s minor melt down, just shakes his head with no playfulness in sight. He can’t seem to look away from Eddie for anything, either. It’s so quiet his ears ring. Even the slight breeze has stopped blowing against them. 
“It’s not right. If you’re not here. With all of us. With me.”
Eddie feels like he’s having heart palpitations.
“You… you died, Eddie,” Steve presses, earnest, and when did he start walking closer? “You actually died down there. I did CPR on you forever trying to bring you back.”
“You did?” Eddie asks, the words nearly lost by the hum of the evening air around them.
“Yeah. I did.” Steve blinks, a shutter of a thing, and then he smiles at him softly. “Thank God, right?” And then the dream story tries to slide back into place, a little more disjointed than before, and Eddie isn’t quite sure Steve believes it to be true either. Grasping at it desperately, for his own sake. Not knowing that Eddie is aware it’s a dream, too.
But that’s an existential ideal for another day. Eddie still has to recalibrate everything that just transpired for a minute. Holding up a hand to get Steve to stop talking for a moment so he can wrap his head around it.
“You,” he points to Steve, then turns the finger back to himself, “gave me mouth-to-mouth.”
“Yeah,” Steve shrugs. Completely unbothered. “I’m certified. Lifeguard, remember? Co-captain of the Swim Team?”
“How could I forget,” Eddie laughs, a lightly maniacal thing, running his hand through his hair just to ground himself. “Jesus Christ, Steve Harrington gave me the kiss of life and I wasn’t even awake to appreciate it. My poor little gay heart, high school me would be devastated.”
“You’re still in High School,” Steve points out with an incredulous smile, Eddie flipping him off on instinct. But then Steve does a full physical double-take. “Wait – what did you just say?”
Eddie stares at him like a deer in the headlights for all of 2.3 seconds.
Okay, dream-sharing time is over.
“And that’s enough for this round of ‘Eddie Munson Opens His Big Fat Mouth’.” He steps up into Steve’s space, turning him by the shoulders and backing him up against the side panels of his own BMW. Eddie would know that damn sedan anywhere. “Time’s up, big boy. Back to bed.” Steve looks confused, as if Eddie is speaking in tongues, and a spark of alarm grows in his widening brown eyes. Eddie is close enough to watch it dawn on him. Like he remembers. 
Can’t risk that shit.
So Eddie winks at him, all bravado, and taps the other man twice on the cheek. 
“Until next time, Harrington.”
tbc
Series Snippets:
- Dreamwalker (Eddie’s Story) (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)
- Subconscious (Steve’s Story) (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)
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