#probably either eight or an early-days six is what im leaning towards

[cryptocism]

oh oh and for your thad au. are any of them the thad that showed up at the end of teen titans 2003? or is that what you're counting as thad 2? i thought normal thad was thad 2 and president thawne was thad 1 but maybe not.

ngl i completely forgot about the Thad that showed up at the end of TT when i was first making the au

but im determined to make it as canon compliant as possible so...... yea hes one of the clones. i havent decided which one yet tho once i complete my read through of all of thad's comic appearances ill get back to u on that lol

[definitelyseven]

deal | twelve (m)

summary: when your step-mom unexpectedly offers you a deal you can’t resist, you decide to give her a taste of her own medicine by seducing her potential suitor, Im Jaebum.

one (m) | two | three (m) | four (m) | five | six (m) | seven | eight (m) | nine | ten | eleven | twelve (m) | thirteen | fourteen | fifteen | sixteen | seventeen - final |

“Give me another chance,” Jaebum begged as he pinned your body against the wall. 

“Jae...” you let out as your mind wandered to the taste of his lips. He was so close, you could smell his scent on him. 

“Come on baby,” he whispered in your ear, picking you up off the ground. You wrapped your legs around his waist, automatically feeling his length against your core. His hands trace up your thigh, inching closer and closer to your heated core. He watched you carefully as his fingertips danced across your thin panties. “Tell me what you want,” he whispered in your ear again. 

“T-touch me,” you choked, finally caving in. He reveals a small smirk before slamming his lips against yours. The both of you were too hungry for each other to go slow. Jaebum swipes his tongue against your bottom lip, begging for entrance. You opened your mouth slightly and his tongue slips right into yours. He pushes your panties aside, revealing your already wet pussy. 

“You’re so wet baby,” Jaebum moans in between your kisses. He strokes your clit up and down with two of his fingers. “Let me take care of you tonight.”

Jaebum carries you over to the couch by the fireplace and lays you down. He yanks your panties off you and tosses it to the other side of the room. He spreads your legs apart, exposing your glistening core. You moaned in desperation. Jaebum leans down to your core - his breath so close you could feel his heat.

“Please...” you begged. You could hear him snicker from below you before he takes you in his mouth. His mouth works on your core, tongue flicking over your sensitive bud. You let out another moan as you tangled your fingers in his hair.

You missed him. It’s been a week since the both of you have touched each other. You were surprised how much you craved his touch; his presence. 

Jaebum shoves his tongue in your core while his other hand rubs your clit. You moaned again, thrusting yourself against his face. You grinned your hips in the same motion as his fingers. Jaebum curves his fingers upwards, massaging your g-spot. You squirm as your body shakes from the pleasure of his fingers. 

“D-daddy...” you moaned out. “Fuck me, please.”

Will you hate yourself after this? Maybe, but right now all you wanted to do was to be fucked by him. 

Jaebum takes his fingers out of your wet pussy before shoving it in your mouth.You twirled your tongue against his fingers as you sucked your own juices off him. He smirks again which sends your body in heat waves. You watched Jaebum strip down before climbing back on top of you. 

“You look so good princess,” he compliments as he pulls your top off. Jaebum admires your body up and down - you were perfect to him. He licks his palm and gives himself a couple of pumps before slipping into you. You groaned feeling his thick cock stretch you out. “You fit me so well,” he groaned in your ear. 

You spread your legs further apart for him to fuck you. The tip of his cock hitting so far in your pussy, it hurt almost every time. Jaebum brings one of your legs over his shoulder, gripping onto the armrest for support as he shoved himself deeper into you. The both of you moaned in sync as your bodies moved together. “Wait here,” Jaebum whispered in your ear before slipping out of you. You let out a small whine, feeling the emptiness in you. Jaebum walks over to the kitchen to grab some ice water. 

“Water?” you said breathless. Jaebum smirks again, handing you the ice beverage. You took a sip before handing it back to him.

“Lay down,” he ordered. Jaebum grabs an ice cube from his drink and presses it against your core. You gasped, flinching at the coldness. “Shh...stay still.”

Jaebum shoves the ice cube in your heated core, watching it melt almost instantly. 

“Jae...” you moaned, squirming. “Fuck, that feels good.”

Jaebum rubs another ice cube against your pussy before shoving it in your heated core again.

“Want to ride daddy, baby?” he asked picking you up onto his lap. You wrapped your arms around his body, each leg on either side of his waist. You rubbed your wet core against his cock, rubbing the tip against your clit. You moaned, desperate to feel him inside you. “Want daddy’s cock?”

“Yes daddy...” you moaned out seductively. All you wanted to do was feel him inside you. He smirked watching how desperate you were. Jaebum inserts his cock into you as he watched your face contort in pleasure. The both of you let out a moan - your warm pussy wrapped tightly around his hardened cock. 

“Move for daddy,” he said grabbing your hair in his hand. You spread your legs further apart, slamming yourself into him. You rode him as if it was your last time. You wanted him to forget her. You wanted him to only want to fuck you. 

You threw your head back before letting out a loud moan. “Daddy...fuck it feels so good.” Jaebum’s grip on your hair tightens as you slammed yourself against him; each time harder than the next. You reached for Jaebum’s hand and brought them to your breast. He massages your breast, pinching your nipples as you continued to ride him. 

“Fuck you’re so hot,” he moaned as he watched you chase after your own high. You grabbed his face to look at you. 

“Jae I’m yours. Any way you want me. I’m yours,” you tell him. He takes this as an invitation and slips his cock out of you. He flips you over to your stomach, automatically shoving his cock back into you. He forces your head into a pillow as he slams in and out of you. The only words you managed to get out was his name and each time he heard you, he drilled into you harder. 

“You like that baby?” he groaned as he pushed himself deeper into you.

“Yes daddy. It feels so good,” you moaned. He brings your body up to his, your back against his chest. Jaebum moves your hair to one side of your shoulder as he leaves sloppy kisses all over your neck. You were sure he had left marks for you. He bites down on your neck making you scream in pain and pleasure. He holds you up with one arm wrapped around your waist. The other hand was busy massaging your clit. Every now and then he puts pressure on your sensitive bud which drives you closer to the edge. 

“I can feel your pussy clench on my cock baby. You’re close aren’t you?” he whispers as he nibbles on your earlobe. You laid your head on his shoulder, nodding as you felt the pit in your stomach grow.

“Harder,” you begged. He snickers in your ear as he shoves himself deeper into you. You could tell he was close too by how sloppy his thrusts were. He pumps himself in you a couple more times before you feel his hot liquid fill you up. You moaned, cumming with him. 

He held your body close to him as your body shook violently in his arms. “Shhh...you did so good baby,” he cooed, pulling out of you. He laid you down on the couch, still hovering over you. You smiled up at him, reaching to stroke his face. He smiles at you before kissing the hand that was stroking your cheek. He hands you his shirt before pulling his boxers back on. 

You missed this - the sweet part after the sex. Jaebum settles next to you on the couch, pulling you in his arms. You snuggled close to him, laying your head on his chest. He gives your forehead another peck. 

“I have something to tell you,” he said.

“What is it?” you asked, looking up at him. 

“It’s about Jackson.”

“Jae we’re just friends. I have no intentions of being with him,” you tell him honestly.

“Good,” he said letting out a sigh of relief. He pulls you closer to his body. “He never deleted the tape. He showed me that day in the office - that’s why we fought.”

You looked up at him, surprised at what you just heard. “What did you just say?”

“He never deleted the tape.”

“But he said he did. He promised,” you said, nervous about your sex tape going public.

“Don’t worry,” he comforted. “No matter what, he’s still my best friend. He won’t do anything with it.”

“But he has our tape. God knows how many times he’s watched it!”

“That little perv probably gets off on it,” he joked. 

“It’s not funny!” 

“Do you trust me?” he asked you. You nodded. “Then don’t worry.”

“How can I not worry?” you asked rhetorically. “How can you be so calm? Are you okay with him getting off on us fucking?”

“Of course not,” he comforts stroking your head. “I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry,” he repeats. 

There was nothing you could do but listen to him for now. You didn’t think Jackson would lie to you about it. Why would he do that? You actually trusted him. 

“Go to sleep,” Jaebum tells you as he strokes your head.

“Don’t leave me,” you said hugging him tightly.

“I’m staying right here,” he tells you, giving you a small peck on the crown of your head.

He did stay that night. The both of you were banking that Eunbi wouldn’t come down to the wine cellar at this time of the night and would wake up earlier before she did to avoid her suspicion.

Jaebum held you close by his side that night. His hand gently stroking your back until you fell asleep. He knew this was complicated. He had obligations towards Eunbi but he can’t stop thinking about you - your smile, your presence, your body. He is a man after all, naturally he would like sex with just about any beautiful women and Eunbi was beautiful. But every time he fucked Eunbi, he imagined it was you he was taking. Even now just thinking about it made him hard. He lifts you up on top of him. Although half asleep, you could feel his hardened member poking at you.

“Go slow,” you mumbled, sleepy.

“I will princess,” he said as he pushed himself back into you. He went slow, pumping himself in and out of you doing all the work.

The next morning you and Jaebum woke up early like you both agreed. Before walking out of the wine cellar, he pulls you in for another kiss, admiring your beauty. You smiled at him. Despite the arguments and the painful nights, you wanted to wake up every morning like this. And the only way you could do this was staying in this house - stay being his mistress.

You slowly made your way to the kitchen, getting a glass of water with Jaebum following behind. You were caught off guard when you see Eunbi and an older woman in kitchen making breakfast. They look at you - Eunbi obviously mad at the world but the older woman looked mad too.

“So you’re the slut that’s sleeping with my son?”

“‘Mother,” Jaebum called from behind you.

You stood there in shock. How did she know? And if she knows that means Eunbi knows too.

a little note from jennie: please stream got7′s new music videos (breath and last piece). let me know your favorite song from the album!

[jae-daddy]

Chubby (15)

Jaebum AU Series 

one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight / nine / ten / eleven / twelve / thirteen / fourteen / sixteen

pairing: im jaebum x reader  genre: angst, romance, drama, mature  plot: you are getting bullied and jaebum decides to fake date you  a/n: this chapter is sponsered by sour skittles lmao <3 not edited, i hope y’all like it :) 

“Yah, are you stupid?” She glared at you. You groaned as you tried getting up from the nurse’s bed. She gently pushed you back down, and let out a loud and heavy sigh. 

“Y/n, I’m not saying this to be funny, or to sound strong, or whatever,” she looked into your eyes. You noticed the new wound on her bottom lip, and the bruise of her left cheek. You felt tears prickle your eyes as the image of those girls crowding around her flashed through your mind. 

“You are my friend, y/n,” Nora says, as she takes your cold hands into her warm ones. “I know you want to protect me. I want to protect you too. But jumping into those kind of situations, against seven other girls, is just stupidity.” 

You looked away from her soft gaze. 

You felt embarrased. Embarrased that you shared this horrible memory, that this was your reality, that you couldn’t even protect her properly and probably made it worse for her. 

“Next time, help me by getting help,” she told you softly, as she touched your chin making you face her. “Get help. Call someone. Don’t jump in.”

She held your collarbone where a purple bruise darkened. 

“You jumping in doesn’t help. All it does is make it the both of us instead one. Okay?”

You nodded, as your chin began trembling, as tears began streaming down your face. “Okay.”

                ______________________________________________

The fluffy white clouds in the blue skies would’ve tricked anyone into believing it was a beautiful cool spring day, but the bitter chill that seeped through the old windows of the building reminded you otherwise. 

Winter had slowly creeped up, and it was getting colder with every passing day. You were surprised it hadn’t snowed so far into the season. However, the weather always so nice. The past few months had been ridden with storms and endless downpours of rain making the early winter colder. 

You stuffed your hands into your pocket of your winter jacket, as you let out a sigh. You wished for something hot and warm right now, but you didn’t want to go out of the old music room. 

You knew leaving this sanctuary would leave you exposed to the judging eyes of everyone, and you didn’t want to risk the chance of running into Jenny. 

The bullying had easied miraciously. Maybe pretending to go out with Jaebum did really help, but it didn’t deter everyone. Some still continued to treat you like trash as you passed the hallways alone. But never when you were with Jaebum, and that seemed to be often. 

Jaebum never left your side in school. At first, it made you nervous. You didn’t like the attention, you didn’t like the stares. And most of all, you hated being a burden on Jaebum. You hated that he carried you around everywhere to protect you from their harsh words. 

But as time has passed, you didn’t mind Jaebum next to you. 

You didn’t feel like a burden as much anymore. 

Not when Jaebum would sometimes forget the watching eyes and let out a laugh as you both joked. Not when Jaebum would hold your hands through the halls, or open doors for you. Not when Jaebum would smile at you and look at you as if you were the only good thing in the world. 

Im Jaebum was nothing like you thought he would be. He was all the good parts you expected him to be. You knew he was kind, nice and caring. But you had also thought he was a sex obessed succubus. 

Atleast that’s what the rumours painted him to be. They painted him like a sex god. As the boy who would only pay attention to anyone as long as he could gain something from them. 

But that wasn’t true. 

Jaebum was a dork. Jaebum was a good friend. Jaebum didn’t need anything in return for all that he was doing for you. Jaebum was a good person with a heart of gold. 

It bothered you that Jaebum wasn’t being sexual with you, because that’s what his nature was made out to be. But Jaebum never touched you more than he needed to. And even when he did, he did it cautiously. His eyes always looking into yours, searching for permission. His hands were always warm, large and gentle. 

Even in moments when you were so near that you could feel his minty breath dance on your lips. Even in moments when you wanted nothing more than Jaebum, his body, his lips, his hands all over you. Even in moments, where all Jaebum needed to do was breath the word and you’d snap and fall into him. Jaebum always managed to pull back, always stopped it before it went to far. 

You sighed as you slid down the wall, and sunk onto the floor. Your knees pressed against your chest, your head leaning against it. The music gently carried from your earphones, and you let it loosen you up a bit. 

You hummed lightly, closing your eyes, as your wrapped your arms around your knees. 

“I can’t wait to hear you sing,” his voice spoke over the music, resting in my chest feeling golden. He sat down two cups of hot chocolate and a bag of snacks. 

He sat down next to you, his shoulders pressed against yours. You tummy flipped, and your cheeks tinted pink. Jaebum didn’t notice and continued, “I always hear you hum, but never sing. I’m sure you’ll sound good.” 

Your cheeks got warmer at his compliment. You avoided his gaze, not sure how to reply.

“Maybe someday,” you replied, trying to sound cool about it, despite your racing heart. He thought you sounded good. 

Instead you searched through the back, and picked out the packet of sour skittles. You squealed happily as you turned towards Jaebum. 

“How did you know?!” You had been craving it for a whole week now, but never got around to buying it. You gave him a wide grin as you carefully opened the packet and held it out to Jaebum. “Hand.”

You took them out on Jaebum’s hand picking out the green ones, and putting them into your mouth. 

Jaebum hated any artifical food that was coloured green. 

“Thanks,” Jaebum mumbled before stuffing the lot in his palm into his mouth. His face contured as the sourness for the candy sharply assaulted his tastebuds. You laughed, as he shivered before chewing furiously. 

“Have the hot chocolate before it gets cold,” Jaebum gestured to the two cups between you two. You picked yours cup, sipping it slowly, letting the warm chocolate sink into your body. 

You smiled, as you thought of how much the drink reminded you of Jaebum. It was warm and sweet just like him. The darkness of eyes stealing the colour of the hot drink. His eyes were like hot chocolate; warm and soothing. He was hot chocolate. 

You looked over to Jaebum who was looking at you intently. Your cheeks tainted pink as you bit your lip. 

“What?” You whispered after a moment when he continued to look at you. 

Jaebum couldn’t help but think back to the first time you both were in this room together. He couldn’t help but compare you to the timid, shy girl who didn’t want to eat because she thought she deserved to. He couldn’t help but feel joy and find humour at how you stared at him, asking him questions, instead of stealing your gaze away from him.

He smiled to himself as he looked at you, making you frown in return. 

You narrowed your eyes at him, as making his smile get wider. 

“Jaebum, stop,” you pouted. “What is it? Why are you smiling at me like that?” 

You stared as the light from the heaven shown into the little room on the fourth floor of the old building. 

Jaebum threw his head back, his locks falling back. His throat long, his skin soft begging you to place a kiss on it. His voice bounced of the walls, his shoulders shaking as he barked out a laugh. 

You couldn’t even be upset anymore. 

You couldn’t even remember anything, as Jaebum laughed. 

The light radiating of him, his skin glittering emitting the sunlight. His dark locks glistening, the darkness breathing in the light, as swayed gently with his movement. His red lips open and turned upwards, his eyes squeezed shit, making his long lashes graze his high cheekbones. 

He was beautiful. 

He was breathtaking. 

You stared at him in awe, as he slowly settled down. He peeked at you from the corner of his eyes, as he coughed out the remaining laughter. 

He didn’t say anything. He reached over and patted your head before rubbing your hair. 

Your lips parted, as you stared at him in shock. You were sure your cheeks were as red as tomatoes, as you peered at him through your lashes. 

Jaebum smiled, and sat back down.

You stared at him. He was playing with you. 

You reached over and rubbed his black hair; you couldn’t help but notice the silkiness of it. It’s touch just as it looked like it would be. 

Jaebum gaped at you, taken aback. His long hair lay over his eyes, covering it slightly. But you could see enough to see the surprise in them, slowly turning into mischieve. 

“Jae, no-” Your yelp was cut off as Jaebum leaned in towards you. He was so close you could feel his warm breath fall over your lips. His eyes darkened, as they rested on your parted lips before meeting your wide eyes. 

Your heart shivered, as excitment and the urge to kiss him ran over you like an electric wave. 

His hands placed beside you on either side, caging you in. It made him surround you. It made him take over your mind completely, so all you could think about was him. 

“Jae,” you whispered, your chest heaving. You leaned back slightly, but Jaebum followed you. He came in closer like you were a magnet pulling him towards you. 

He was closer now; much, much closer now. So close that the slightest movement would make your lips brush against his soft ones. 

He lifted one of his and placed them on your waist. The slightest thought of Jaebum feeling the curves of your plump waist crossed your mind, but instantly they vanished, as Jaebum parted his lips. 

You wanted to lean in closer. You wanted nothing more than to press your lips against him, and pull his body onto you. You wanted nothing more than to kiss Im Jaebum. 

But, you didn’t. You couldn’t. You couldn’t move even if your wanted to. Your whole body stilled with anticipation as your blood ran hotter with every passing second. 

Kiss me. You thought, as if Jaebum could magically read your mind. 

But maybe he could. 

Jaebum’s eyes darted from your lips to your eyes; searching, reading. He smiled lightly, before looking back at your lips. His hands on your waist tightened, as he swallowed nervously. 

You closed your eyes, your hands moving from your skirt onto Jaebum’s jacket. Your fists clutching it, tightly. 

You felt Jaebum move for a second, the warmth of his breath moving for a spilt second. But then he was back. His one hand still on your waist, the other now on your cheeks. 

Your chest rose and fell. Your sweaty palms holding onto Jaebum’s jacket. Your eyes closed tightly. Your lips waiting for Jaebum’s.

After what felt like eternity, you felt the slightest brush of lips pressing against yours, when a loud shrill ran through the room. 

He jerked away from you. 

Your eyes snapping open, your arms outstretched from holding Jaebum’s jacket. 

Jaebum stared at you, and you felt yourself burn up. You were sure your whole face was on fire, as you looked away from Jaebum. 

Oh my god. 

Before Jaebum could say anything, you quickly grabbed your hot chocolate and ran out the classroom mortified. 

Jaebum walked into the room fifteen minutes after you. The lesson had started, but the teacher didn’t address Jaebum as he strudded into class and settled in his seat beside you. 

You felt his gaze remain on you the whole time, and lowered your head. You let your hair fall and become a curtain between Jaebum and your burning beetroot face. 

After a minute, you saw a green box slide onto your desk. It was the sour skittles packet. Upon closer look you saw a white note peeking out. You pulled it out, and could tell Jaebum was watching. 

Sorry you couldn’t resist my charm. 

You looked over at Jaebum, letting out a little snort. 

Someone snickered from in front of you, under their breath, “pig.”

Jaebum’s eyes darkened, his fist clenched, but he kept his gaze on you, watching you. 

You reached out and touched his hand, before giving him a small smile. 

This time Jaebum snorted, loudly, obnixiously. Even the teacher froze, but he didn’t turn around. He remained facing the board, his pen stopped midstroke. The whole class froze over, and no one let out a peep. 

Until from infront of the room, a girlish snort came. 

You looked over, and you couldn’t believe. 

She remained facing the front of the room, as the whole room erupted into a quiet roar of commotion. 

Jenny. It was Jenny. 

[literaryfaeriecorner]

02/21/2021: Promotions, Old Friends, and Yellow School Buses

link to original post

February 21st, 2021

somehow i received a promotion at work last Friday even though i am literally probably one of the LEAST motivated people teaching at that school... fuck. so... now, instead of just being a regular-schmegular teacher, i am now the '6th grade head social studies teacher' which means that i have to run planning meetings for the social studies team, attend morning meetings discussing whole-grade growth and failings, and solutions for how we're going to get the kids to... not suck. uuuuuuggggghhhhhh!!! and this is for the rest of the year and the next!!!!

apparently, i am the 'perfect person' for this position because all of my classes have consistently performed better than the rest... but between you, me, and the entire internet, that speaks more to the abilities of my students than my own personal abilities as a teacher. i don't believe i'm a sucky teacher or anything but the fact remains that between work, grad school, delusional lovesick-related episodes, mental illness, and other varying distractions, i am not Doing The Best I Can. in fact, i'm literally in survival mode 95% of the time. the other 5% of the time, i'm in manic-as-fuck mode. so... do i really DESERVE this promotion? who even fucking knows? i like to believe, however, that i'll eventually figure out how to bullshit this new responsibility as well and no one will be the wiser. i mean, if this promotion came with a financial boost as well, i'd be more inclined to not fuck it up but, like... i'm doing more work for the same weak ass pay... i'm not as motivated with kind words and encouragement than i would be with a solid boost to my pay grade. anyway... whatever.

i was on tumblr the other day (i am fasting from all social media sites during the day for Lent but tumblr doesn't count because i literally just reblog five or six posts into the void, look at sad literature quotes, and log out just to do it all over again the next day... i am not addicted to tumblr as i am to twitter, instagram, pinterest, and linkedin... yes, linkedin. my quest to escape my job has led me down a very weird and addictive path) and i came across this post by user beetlejuices:

"isn't it all about old friends? like everything? all of it?"

and it is. i think so. i really do.

one of the things i've been conscious of in my early adulthood is that i am still chasing after the friendships i had in middle school. i wrote about this two Lents ago too. there is a memory that i remember so vividly in middle school and it reminds me constantly about how i felt so loved and appreciated and like the world couldn't go on without me if i somehow left or disappeared or went away. i think about it all the time. that is how freeing and loving and whole it is. just a simple memory of being three hours late to school (after a huge, blown out argument between parents who should've divorced years ago) and being startled by a flood of texts that starting pouring in at 7 that morning.

ashley: YOOOO where r u? they snagged all the donuts from the corner store!

alysha: you missed the bus this morning?

ashley: i bought donuts off eman 4 u... say im the best :D

kiera: U MISSED CRYSTAL'S FAT HEAD ASS SLIP DOWN THE STEPS LMAOOO

kiera: u're always here early u good?

alysha: are you coming 2 school today?

ashley: are u ok?

Christyl: don't forget we have a test in math!! where are you?

kiera: babe?

ashley: are you ok? why is ur phone off?

alysha: i just talked to ashley are u ok?

Christyl: where r u?

kiera: i just talked to ashley r u ok?

kiera: none of ur sisters r here either... u ok?

ashley: i'll call again @ lunch

alysha: pls be safe

Christyl: i'll tell the teacher you're sick and maybe you can take it tomorrow

Christyl: are you ok?

and even more messages that were sent during and inbetween classes... i thought it was a bit too late (and too time consuming) to respond to them all individually so after being signed into school three hours late, i decided to wait for all my friends at our table in the cafeteria to surprise them before explaining my mess of a morning. i was nervous because i thought they would be mad at me for some reason. but as soon as they saw me, ashley, alysha, kiera, and christyl, they came barreling towards me screaming my name. it was an entire scene. people looking at them crazy and then raising their eyebrows at me, not seeing what the big deal was. i probably looked the same exact way that i did the day before. unspectacular, bookish, awkward. they couldn't see what the big deal was. it embarrassed me but it thrilled me at the same time.

they nearly knocked me to the floor pushing each other to get to me first trying to steal the first hug. in the end, i stretched my arms out as far as i could and they all fell into them. we probably looked a mess. a tangle of brown legs, arms, frizzy hair, loose braids, and scuffed dress shoes. i remember feeling so loved and wanted. i felt bigger and grander than i was. i had stopped the world for five entire minutes and i didn't do anything. i was just existing.

i don't really talk to any of the girls anymore. i follow them on social media and i wish them happy birthday every year and we're all on each other's close friends list on insta... so i still know a few, if not all, of their secrets... but we'll probably never be as close as we were in middle school. and that's ok. i still love them as much as i did when they tackled me in the lunch room that day. i still root and cheer for them like we still spend every night after school on the phone for hours talking shit and planning presidential campaigns and gossiping about boys. i will never forget that day in the lunchroom. ever. and, like i said, it has only occurred to me now, as a young adult, that i've been chasing that kind of friendship and sisterhood since it happened.

i like to treat all my friendships as mini-romances. i remember a tweet that said, "friendships ARE romance," and i agree. i think i'm in love with all of my close friends, if not all of my friends. it's embarrassing (just a bit) but i have probably fallen in love with all of my friends at least once or twice. this is especially true for my group of college friends (at this point, they are really family). i have been in love, at least once, with all eight of them throughout our four years. i don't actually find this embarrassing like i said earlier. what's embarrassing is that this information might embarrass other people which, in turn, would thoroughly embarrass me. but the fact itself doesn't embarrass me. that is how i am. i fall in love and out of love at breakneck speeds. i think it's important to be a little bit in love with your friends.

i really enjoyed being in undergrad and planning literal dates between all eight or nine of us. and we would call it that. "what are we doing for our date next weekend?" "so who's going on the date tomorrow?" "are we cancelling the date or does the weather not matter?" (the weather always mattered.) my favorite college date was valentine's day senior year. we all went to korean-style karaoke and ordered so much food and drink we could barely stand to sing. we were all sat around the tv singing horribly to mariah carey or beyonce or rapping to nicki minaj verses. we took so many bad pictures and tone deaf videos and we kept leaning or hugging or holding each other's hands. that's another thing i love about my college family. most of us are touchy-feely people. i am a touchy-feely person. i'm southern and my mom is ridiculously gooey so one of my love languages, inevitably, is touch. i, usually, reign it in A LOT unless i have a partner but in college, i somehow discovered a whole group of people who loved to kiss each other on the cheek and hold hands and lean on other people, and lock arms. i felt at home. really.

maybe it's not only about old friends, though. maybe it's about feeling at home.

there was another post on tumblr and i think about it a lot. it's a screenshot of a tweet from twitter user @HumbleCore.

"HUGE NEWS: finally found my best friend from middle school on FB. We've both been looking for each other for over a decade. I told her I think about her whenever I play any boardgame or drive by a church. She told me she uses my name as her password at work. A perfect reunion."

when i read that the other night, i cried. i don't know why. it was heavy and ridiculous and i was worried my roommates would hear me. i don't know why i cried. at all. and even typing it out like that made me want to cry again. the feeling is not as strong or as overwhelming as it was the first time but it's still there.

i think about a best friend i had in first grade. even before i thought of ashley as my best friend (i have known Middle School Ashley since the first grade. i thought we were destined to be best friends forever and ever and ever, which is what i wrote in her middle school yearbook). his name was Malik. or Malique. my memory fails me. but anyway, i loved him like crazy. we didn't do anything without the other. we shared lunch together, we HAD to be partners on every field trip, i cried when Ms. Sanchez moved my seat from his in an effort to stop us from disrupting her lessons and i hated her for an entire week. (a very long time from a first-grade perspective.) even now, i think about him whenever i go to petting zoos or farms and when i ride on yellow school buses with my students.

Malik/Malique was my first kiss. we were hiding from Ms. Sanchez and the other chaperones so we could pet the goats one last time. while we were hiding behind a barn, he kissed me. "for good luck," he said. and then we sprinted across the farm to get back to the goats. and we pet them again before Ms. Sanchez found us and ordered us back on the big yellow school bus where we held hands for the entire hour-long ride back to school.

it's very silly to think now but in high school when i was trying to determine whether i loved my first boyfriend or not i remember thinking, "well, does he make me feel like Malik/Malique?" it's silly but sweet. at fourteen, still comparing the way he made me feel behind a barn at 5 years old to how another boy, years and years later, made me feel. it is silly but i think it's sweet.

i don't actually have any interest in finding Malik/Malique or knowing for certain what he does or how he's doing because i seriously doubt i had such an impact on his life, but i hope he's well and alive and happy because that's what i always naturally hope for when i pass petting zoos or farms or see bright yellow school buses.

so, yes. i think everything, us, our relationships, the entire world, is about old friends. all of it. every last bit of it.

i have a whole-grade data analysis, 300 pages of reading, and two mini-papers for classes to finish before tonight so i'm going to get going... i just wanted to write about old friends first.

[impala-dreamer]

You Should Join Me

SPN FanFic Drabble

~When you finally find Dean, he’s found the pool.~

792 Words

Warnings: Fluffy Trash

A/N: For Lindsey @inmysparetime0, because she asked for it last night and actually reminded me this morning ;)

The spot next to you was empty when you rolled over; Dean had managed to sneak out of bed without waking you, a feat that he usual failed at. Something about the posh hotel room, the extra plush blankets, and fluffy pillows had lulled you fast to sleep and kept you there far longer than normal.

You took a deep breath and stretched out, your arms and legs taking advantage of the empty space beside you. It was early, judging by the pale light that trickled through the heavy beige curtain, probably around six a.m., which begged the question: where the hell was Dean? You weren't supposed to meet up with Sam and that British jerk for a few more hours.

Curiosity bested your desire to stay in bed and you slipped away, pulled on your sneakers, and tied your hair back. You stuck your key card in the waistband of your sweatpants, noting that Dean's card was missing from the bureau. Maybe he was getting coffee or parked in front of the complimentary waffle bar. Wherever he was, he wouldn't have gone far.

You took the elevator down to the first floor, still amazed at the fact you were staying at a place with an actual, working elevator. Mick had seemed unimpressed by the accommodations, even apologizing that he could not find a better place nearby. He must be spoiled beyond belief, this place was amazing. The halls were well lit, the carpets clean and free of mystery stains. The bathrooms had little bottles of shampoo and mouthwash, and actual white towels hanging from fancy chrome bars. It was clean and safe and temperature controlled. It was like a palace compared to some of the places you'd stayed during your time with the Winchesters.

It didn't smell weird either, you thought as you made your way through the first floor, peeking this way and that in search of your man. What you did smell, however was chlorine. Chlorine meant a pool. And a pool meant you could spend ten minutes relaxing by yourself. This place just got better and better.

You followed your nose, deciding to check out the facilities and see what time the doors opened. White printed letters adorned a glass door that led to the pool. The lights were off behind it and you sighed in defeat, the pool didn't open until eight. You were about to turn around and continue your search for Dean when you heard a splash. It was faint and muffled by the door, but you definitely heard it. You cupped your hands and pressed them to the glass you that you could peer inside, but as you did, the door popped open, unlocked and swinging free.

Falling forward through the door, you stumbled into the steamy room. The air was thick and hot, a gentle fog rising from the heated water. One side of the long room was nothing but windows that looked out into a dense forest of pine; the first rays of sunlight filtered through the branches and filled the room with a gentle glow.  

Movement in the water pulled your attention away from the scenery, and you looked down to see a mop of dark, wet hair bobbing up and down in the clear water. The figure disappeared for a few seconds and then shot straight up, breaking out of the water and revealing familiar shoulders and arms.

“Dean?”

He spun around, his arms flying through the water as he treaded in place. “Well good morning. Thought you were going to sleep all day.” He grinned and swam towards you, pushing himself up to lean on the edge of the pool once he got there.

“It’s barely sun up,” you said, rolling your eyes. “And since when do you get up so early? Or swim for that matter. I didn’t know you could swim.”

“Of course I can swim,” he scoffed and ran a hand down over his face, wiping away the droplets that peppered his cheeks. “Can you?”

You laughed and crouched down next to the edge. “I can.”

“You should join me then. The water is amazing.” Dean bit his lip and smirked up at you, clearly letting you know he had other ideas beside taking laps with you.

You lowered yourself onto your knees and leaned over, bringing your face dangerously close to his, “I would, but I didn’t bring my swimsuit.” You pouted and inched in closer to his lips, ready for your real morning greeting.

Dean leaned up to meet your lips, kissing you sweetly with his wet mouth before letting himself sink back down into the warm water. He laughed as he swam away, kicking up a wave behind him. “Neither did I…”  

The Dean’s List:  @anokhi07 @assbutt-fan @bringmesomepie56 @deangirl-withanimpala @delessapeace-blog @ellexirmalfoy @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms @leather-moccasin-hero @msdooos @mskitty416 @ruprecht0420 @soullessbabee @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @tmccarney @torn-and-frayed @twoboys-and-afallenangel @vesperlady04

Forevers: @1-800-misha @27bmm @amanda-teaches @applepie-and-angelwings @arryn-nyxx @atc74 @autopistaaningunaparte @ayeeitsemry @bea789 @because-imma-lady-assface @babypieandwhiskey @blanketmadeofstar @brewsthespirit-blog @britt-spn @bulletscrossbowpie @charliebradbury1104 @chaos-and-the-calm67 @chelsea072498 @chumi-la-chula @cici0507 @clairese1980 @collectivekiera @cosmicpeanuthologram @createdbybadappreciation @cyrilconnelly @dannnyphantomm @dancingalone21 @deadinside-muser @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @demonangelimpala @docharleythegeekqueen @dustycelt @evansrogerskitten @evyiione @faithfulpanicmoon @fangirl1802 @feelmyroarrrr @flowermisha @freaksforthewin @frenchybell @fuckyeahfeysand @gemini75eeyore @ghostkitty1103 @hamartiamacguffin @impalaimagining @im-super-potter-locked @inmysparetime0 @jayankles @jealousbitxh @jpadjackles @joanne-thefangirl @jotink78 @kristaparadowski @kas-not-cas @katrodriguez99 @lavendellove @likesiriusly @love-kittykat21 @luciisthebest @maddieburcham1 @mamaredd123 @meganwinchester1999 @mogaruke @megansescape @mija-novella @milkymilky-cocopuff @mogaruke @mrsbatesmotel53 @mrswhozeewhatsis @my-life-is-here-soo @myfand0msandm0re @mysteriouslyme81 @naadestiel @notesfromalabprincess @notnaturalanahi @obi-wan-my-only-ho @overcastmisfitkid @pain-of-artifice @percussiongirl2017 @percywinchester27 @petrovadixon @pinknerdpanda @poukothenerd @pretttypadalecki @riddikulus-obsessions @riversong-sam @sam-winchesters-long-locks @sandlee44 @sarahgrace-1989 @scxrchy @significantly-insignificant @smoothdogsgirl @spectaculicious @spontaneousam @summer-binging-spn @superbasementflower @supernaturallymarvellous @supernaturalyobessed @tennesseewhiskey-and-pie @trexrambling @thecynicalnerd @the-latina-trickster @therewillbeblood @tom-is-in-my-tardis @typicalweirdbookworm @thegreatficmaster @vine-colored-assbutt @whatareyousearchingfordean @wi-deangirl77 @winchestersmut @wordstothewisereaders @wvnchxstxr @xxthevampirediariesexpertxx @yearoftheweasley @youtubehelpsmesurvive @yvngkinggchristyy