#probably doesnt help i told myself to treat it like a phone game

[call-me-pup2]

Huh, I've been on tumblr a slightly concerning amount the last couple weeks wonder what that's about

*fully ignoring that its become my new special interest*

[watchmegetobsessed]

Crush // Shawn Mendes mini-series part 2

part 2 wohoooo!! this is honestly such a cute story i love writing it, im currently finishing the last part so i’ll probably update very soon!

part 1

masterlist

The awkwardness soon vanishes. This clear new chapter we just opened with Shawn allows me to loosen up and just enjoy a nice evening. Aaliyah and Eric seems satisfied with the outcome, the parents seem to hit it off quite easily and when we leave they already start making plans for another meetup.

“It was so nice meeting you!” Karen sighs happily as she hugs goodbye to all of us.

“You too, email me that recipe you told me about!” Mom points at her and she nods her head laughing.

I’m just about to step out of the house when Aaliyah grabs my wrist and pulls me back. I look at her with furrowed eyebrows.

“I need your help with a little something. Can you come over sometime tomorrow?” she whispers confidentially.

“Um, yeah. Around what time?” I ask.

“Three pm?”

“Sure,” I smile at her and she lets go of me.

On the way back home I’m thinking about what Aaliyah could need help with and the only thing I have in mind is Eric’s birthday that is on the 29th. She must be planning something special for him.

I call Maddi around midnight when I’m already in my pj’s, but I know she must be still up, maybe even drunk. For my surprise, she answers the phone quite modestly.

“How was the family union?” she asks chewing on something. I throw the cushions off of my bed and crawl under the blanket.

“Um, very interesting,” I chuckle closing my eyes and just shaking my head at the thought of the evening.

“Uh, spill the tea!” She cheers clearly very thirsty for some drama, though this story is not as juicy as she would want it.

“Guess who Aaliyah’s brother is!” I say, but I don’t expect an answer so I just continue. “Shawn Effing Mendes.”

“What?! Are you kidding me?” She gasps. “How did Eric forget to tell you this small detail?”

“Apparently, he thought it doesn’t matter to me, which is kind of true, but there is more.”

“What more? Did he hit on you? Because I’m not talking to you again if he did. He is hot!”

“No, he didn’t, but what you don’t know is that we have history.”

“Okay, now I’m confused!? How do I not know about this?”

“Well, remember my ex, Dylan? I told you about him.”

“Yeah, the asshole who cheated on you,” she hums.

“Well, Dylan and Shawn used to be best buds when we started dating, but the guy hated my guts, or so I thought. He was always mean to me, talking against me and just… avoiding me like the plague.”

“I thought he is the nicest person on earth.”

“He might be now, but when I knew him, he treated me like shit. So it was pretty awkward to see him again after all these years.”

“And how did it go? Was he an ass again?”

“No. He was… nice. Well, we both acted awkward in the beginning, I didn’t know if he would continue his act with me, but he turned out to be nice. And then at one point he told me he is sorry for everything in the past and he was just acting like that because he wanted to amuse Dylan.”

I turn to my side and stare out the window.

“That’s good, right? I mean, he grew out that mean phase and he is all good now.”

“Yeah, it’s just still weird to be around someone I knew from my Dylan phase.”

“But it’s Eric who is dating Aaliyah, why would you be constantly around him?”

“Aaliyah asked me to go over tomorrow, I think she is trying to put a surprise together for Eric’s birthday, so I’m spending the afternoon at the Mendes house.”

“Oh, then keep me updated about the details and sneak me a shirtless photo of Shawn please.”

“Maddi!” I scoff laughing. “Why would I even see him shirtless?”

“Maybe he likes wandering around in his home without clothes on, how would I know?!”

“Unbelievable. I’m going to sleep.”

“Bye bitch,” she sighs making me roll my eyes at her smiling.

“Bye.”

  I sleep late the next day, it’s past noon when I actually make it downstairs looking like a real human being. Eric and Dad are watching a documentary on WW II. while Mom is reading the newspaper at the dining table. I join her with a bowl of cereal.

“Do you have any plans for today?” She smiles at me over her narrow glasses as she turns a page. I lean closer hitting a confidential tone.

“I’m helping Aaliyah today, she asked me to go over around three.”

“Oh, birthday surprise for Eric?” she asks clearly excited.

“I think yeah.”

“Great. And you will probably see Shawn again.” Winking at me she puts the papers down.

“Why does that matter?” I ask with my mouth full. She caresses my cheek before standing up and walking over to the sink for some water.

“Isn’t he a nice young man? I think the two of you would look cute together.”

“Mom, you are literally talking about the biggest pop sensation, he is not really the kind of guy who just casually dates,” I say.

In my mind all these celebrities are living their wildest life. Even if I were interested in Shawn in any way, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t even get in the game, he must have thousands of girls waiting for him in line. We are not really on the same page.

“Oh, come on. You guys knew each other in high school, you have a past, that connection must mean something!”

“He was an ass to me!” I blurt it out making her eyebrows raise.

“He was? What did he do?”

“It’s nothing,” I roll my eyes, but Mom gives me a demanding look. “He just didn’t seem to like me no matter what I did, he was avoiding me most of the time when I was with Dylan and also made some pretty rude comments sometimes.”

“Maybe he was into you,” Mom shrugs and I almost choke on the milk.

I start coughing like I’m about to die and my eyes start watering when I’m finally able to breathe evenly again.

“No fucking way!”

“Charlie! Language!” She hisses at me, but there is a smile hiding in her eyes. “You know, young boys tend to do it. They are mean to the girls they like.”

“Mom, it wasn’t in kindergarten, it was ninth grade or something. I think he just really didn’t like me back then and I don’t blame him.” I was annoying, thinking back at it. But hey, all teens are annoying!

“You can never know,” she sighs.

 I totally ignore the theory Mom tried to make me believe, there is absolutely no chance of the nonsense she told me, and this is what I keep telling myself as I’m on my way to the Mendes house.

“Hey!” Aaliyah greets me with a wide smile. She is now wearing some more comfortable clothes than the last two times I saw her, the grey sweats and lose white shirt must be her home wear. “Come in! My parents are out at a friend’s place, and Shawn…” she starts, but just when she is about to finish he appears on the top of the stairs.

“Is here,” he chimes in. I look up and there he is, in a pair of checked pj pants and a black shirt. Looking at it, I think Aaliyah has his shirt on, it seems like the same size.

“Hi,” I smile at him.

“Come, let’s sit.” I follow Aaliyah into the living room and we sit down to the couch next to their Christmas tree. From the corner of my eyes I see Shawn going into the kitchen and for a moment I’m actually disappointed he is not coming with us.

“So. I want to surprise Eric with cooking for him, but I have no idea what. I tried to find out what’s his favorite, but he says it’s his favorite to everything!” she growls frustrated. I shake my head laughing.

“That’s typical.”

“Yeah. So do you have anything in mind?”

“Well, he really like tiramisu. He can eat tons of it, all the time. That’s good for dessert,” I offer. Aaliyah has her phone in her hands and she is typing everything I say down.

“Okay, got it.”

“Um, he likes gazpacho. He thinks it sounds fancy and you know, he likes everything with ketchup, so a soup that tastes like tomato was made for him.”

“Oh yeah, he pours so much ketchup into his sandwiches, it’s crazy,” she rolls her eyes jokingly. “Okay, so gazpacho. Anything else?”

“Um…” I try to think about the times we went to restaurants and Eric got really excited over the food. “Oh, we were once at a place and he ordered grilled mushrooms and he couldn’t stop moaning, it was very embarrassing, but I guess this meant he really liked it.”

“Grilled mushrooms, perfect,” she nods to herself noting everything down. “Do you mind helping me pick out his gift too? I have a few ideas, I want to go into the city and buy it tomorrow, I already looked up some jumpers online, but I can’t really decide.”

“Sure, show me!”

We spend the next thirty minutes scrolling through everything she had saved as a possible gift. She found some really nice ones, her taste is fantastic. As the time is passing I’m starting to feel like I’m with a friend and not with my brother’s girlfriend and I’m just hoping Eric will keep her around for a long time.

She asks me to stay a little bit longer so she can show me the awkward photos she has taken of Erik since they’ve been dating, but she gets a call and excuses herself quickly. I stay there in the living room, looking around a bit, I haven’t really had the chance yesterday, I was too occupied with the situation.

Shawn walks in, this time he has a headband on, keeping his locks back from his face.

Damn, Maddi is right. He is hot.

I shake my head at the thoughts and try to look as casual as possible.

“How is the birthday planning going?” he asks plopping down on the couch next to me.

“Good, Aaliyah basically had everything right, I just had to choose the best options.”

“How crazy is that our younger siblings are dating? I mean, I was thinking about it yesterday, the last time I saw Eric, he was about twelve or something. No wonder why I didn’t recognize him when I met him,” he chuckles and I nod agreeing. Aaliyah changed a lot in the past years too.

“Yeah. Strange that they are not babies anymore. I mean, I’m still mad that Eric is taller than me.”

“Oh I remember how you always wanted to get taller!”

“You remember?” I ask surprised. I used to never stop talking about my height, later I accepted my fate.

“Yeah, I remember once you told Dylan how you want to wear the highest heels to the dance so you two can be the same height.”

I laugh at the memory. I remember it too, it was quite early in our relationship and Dylan asked me out for the Halloween dance. I wanted to look taller and told Dylan I would wear heels. Of course, I ditched the plan as I found out how uncomfortable they are and ended up wearing my Converse.

“And at the end I looked like a punk princess with my Converse and mini skirt,” I scoff at the thought of my outfit for that night.

“I think you looked pretty,” Shawn says and I look at him. I catch his small smile before he shakes his head clearing his throat. What the Hell? “High school feels so far away, right?” he quickly says.

“Um, well for you I guess, for me… not really,” I chuckle shaking my head. “Your life got turned upside down, but not much has happened to me since then.”

“What? I don’t believe you. I’m sure you’ve been having plenty of fun. Parties, dates and everything.”

I can’t help, a sad smile plasters across my face. He can’t be more wrong.

“Not really… I had some rough years after Dylan and I split.”

“Can I ask what happened? I mean, after the split,” he shyly asks.

“Well, since I was a dumb naïve little girl, I needed an entire year before I could even think about getting to know other guys. Now it all just seems like the biggest bullshit. I shouldn’t have cared that much. And I’m not a fan of partying, I only go out on birthdays and maybe New Year’s Eve,” I shrug. Maddi has been trying to boost me up a bit, she attempts to drag me out every month or so, but I’m really not that kind of type. I thought I was, when I was with Dylan, he was a popular guy, I kept going to these lame parties with him in the last year of our relationship, but I never really enjoyed them. Shawn was long gone by then.

“I’m sorry Dylan played you so bad.”

“It’s fine, I mean, not your fault,” I chuckle. “But what happened to you and him?”

He sighs scratching the back of his neck.

“Not sure, I guess we grew apart and I realized that he is an ass. When I became a private student we kept in touch, but I met new people and I saw how different a friendship can be, so… I cut him off, I guess.”

“Did you guys fight?”

“Not really,” he shakes his head. “Well, we had one last very awkward phone call when I was in Atlanta, if I remember right. It was forced and… just awkward, really,” he chuckles shaking his head.

“And your life has been better since Dylan is out of it, right?” I grin at him.

“Yeah, you must know about it.”

I laugh nodding. I know everything about it!

Before I could even think about what I’m saying, my mouth just opens and the words roll down.

“The only good thing I got from my relationship with Dylan is that I know you now.”

My eyes widen and I wish I could take it back.

“I- uh I mean…”

I don’t even know why I’m so nervous suddenly, I didn’t even tell much. But for some reason, I can feel myself blushing.

“I meant that he basically ruined my senior year and I needed so much time to get myself over him, but at least now we can talk like, normal people,” I quickly add somehow saving the situation.

“What do you mean he ruined your senior year?” he asks with furrowed eyebrows and I’m happy he didn’t get caught up on what I said before that.

“Well, he successfully made me push all my friends away, leaving me totally alone when we broke up.”

“Wait, what? How about that friend of yours, um… I don’t remember her name, you always sat together at lunch.”

“Rochelle. Oh Dylan played us dirty. He told me Rochelle keeps hitting on him and being my dumb naïve self I believed him and not her. We had this huge fight and I called her a bitch. No wonder why she didn’t care about me when I was alone in the last couple of months of senior year.”

“Ouch, that sounds horrible. I’m sorry he did that.”

“Why did we even like Dylan in the first place?” I ask laughing to myself. It still bothers me how blind I was, I wish I could just shake myself.

“I have no idea!” He sighs rolling his eyes. “I’m sorry your senior year got fucked up, I wish I could be there to have lunch with you.”

I turn to him and swear to God he is blushing! And it is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I feel the urge to touch him, anywhere, to take his hand in mine, but I stop myself.

“That’s… nice. Thank you,” I whisper touched.

As I’m staring at him I realize this is probably the closest I’ve ever been to him. I wonder how many girls want to be in my position, they see the popstar, the heartthrob from the stage, while all I see is the guy who used to be mean to me in high school but now we are friendlier than ever. I could never see him as a celebrity.

“Okay, so I found some- Oh am I bothering?” Aaliyah walks into the room with her phone in her hands and she is giving me a knowing look. I quickly clear my throat turning away from Shawn.

“No, you girls just… do your thing. I have to make a few calls.”

Shawn jumps up from the couch patting his sister’s shoulder before walking out of the room. Aaliyah takes his place, still grinning.

“What?” I ask her playing dumb.

“You guys… I felt the sparkle,” she says wiggling her eyebrows.

“What sparkle? Aaliyah, you see everything in pink because of my brother.”

“Oh stop, don’t tell me you don’t like him.”

“I don’t know him,” I say truthfully. “The last time I saw him I was dating a douche and he was also being a douche to me. I can’t tell if I like him, because I don’t know his new self.”

“But you seem to get along with him pretty well and I’m sure you are attracted to him.”

“I’m not talking about this with you, you are his sister!” I gasp feeling myself blushing again.

“Whatever. But I think you two would look cute together.”

I refuse to carry on with the conversation about me and Shawn and Aaliyah fortunately doesn’t force it on me. I leave the Mendes house around five, Aaliyah thanks me the help and I can’t help but feel disappointed I don’t see Shawn anywhere when I’m leaving. Aaliyah’s speech about me and Shawn is slowly getting to me.

By dinner, all my thoughts are racing around him and soon I find myself stalking his social media profiles. I knew he is very famous, but seeing the numbers on his pages makes me gasp. Millions of people are following him, waiting for him to post anything. The last photo he uploaded to his Instagram is with his family, Karen and Manny are smiling proudly into the camera while Shawn and Aaliyah are messing around next to them. Before I could realize what I’m doing I double tap the picture liking it.

“Oh shit,” I suck my breath in. I hesitate, but then I realize how dumb this is. He must be getting millions of notes every minute, he won’t see this.

Gaining some confidence from this, I decide to follow him and continue my stalking session. I’m a few months deep into his profile when I get a notification. Opening the tab my eyes widen.

shawnmendes followed charlieprkr

I guess I was wrong about the notification getting lost. A moment later I see that he has liked two of my photos.

One was taken on a family vacation. Eric and I are posing at the beach, I have a red swimsuit on and the wind is blowing my wavy blonde hair that was so much lighter back than from all the sunshine. The other one is a picture Maddie took of me last month. I’m sitting in our armchair with a mug of tea in my hands, smiling shyly at the camera. We had Christmas lights in the window and the lights made me look colorful in the photo.

I’m just about to put the phone down and go to bed when I get a dm. I’m not surprised to see Shawn’s username, but I definitely get excited.

shawnmendes I’m happy I’m not the first one to accidentally like your photo, though I was minutes away from that haha

I smile at the message rolling my eyes.

charlieprkr Ha. Ha. I was hoping I can easily hide in the millions of your followers.

shawnmendes You could have, if only I weren’t stalking your profile as well. Fate?

charlieprkr I guess.

My fingers linger across the keyboard, trying to think of something else to write and keep the conversation up, but nothing comes to my mind. I almost give up when I get another message from him.

shawnmendes I’m in a nostalgic mood, I want to have a walk in the neighborhood, around our school tomorrow. Would you like to join me?

My smile grows wider than ever reading his lines.

charlieprkr Totally.

shawnmendes Great! Sometime around 4 pm?

charlieprkr Perfect. Where?

shawnmendes I’ll meet you at your house and we’ll go from there.

charlieprkr Then see you tomorrow!

shawnmendes Yeah, good night Charlie.

[brookutoh]

Scenario where kuroo likes the reader but thinks shes out of his league and everyone is telling him that he should go for it but he doesnt and at a Christmas party, they're slightly drunk and end up making out?

This is fantastic because I’ve been craving Kuroo lately, AND I managed to fail at finishing this for long enough that it’s now Kuroo’s birthday, so what better way to celebrate than with 3k words of drunken party shenanigans?

Thanks for the prompt, and enjoy!!

“Kuro, you’re smiling at your phone again.”

The sudden voice of his best friend - despite its usual quietness - caused Kuroo to jump about a foot in the air. Embarrassment at being exposed so openly quickly turned to annoyance at Kenma’s words.

He huffed. “What, am I not allowed to smile at my phone now?”

Kenma granted him a look over the top of his PSP, one that Kuroo could swear he’d seen in a nightmare before. It was the phrase ‘don’t fuck with me’ in its rawest form.

“It’s what you’re smiling at that’s the problem,” Kenma muttered.

Kuroo frowned down at his phone. He was once again texting you, and you were once again causing him to grin like an idiot at your messages. He couldn’t help it; you were just so cute! Kuroo would be the first to admit that he loved talking to you, whether that be via text or face-to-face, he just loved hearing your thoughts and opinions, and when you told him a story - even if it was as simple as how your day went - he would listen with rapt attention as you spoke.

This was where the problem lay: sure, you were a fantastic friend, and Kuroo was thankful every single day that you’d been introduced all those months ago. It just sucked that he wished that you could be more than friends.

Apparently, this thought was written all over his face because he heard Kenma sigh from his spot on Kuroo’s bed. “Just ask her out.”

“Sure, if it were that simple I wo-”

“It is that simple.”

But it wasn’t. At least, not to Kuroo. It was a difficult situation, both because he knew he would be rejected straightaway and because the amazing friendship the two of you shared would be ruined as soon as you found out about his feelings. More than anything, he was terrified of your imminent disgust that someone like him felt that way about you. And that was something he just wouldn’t be able to handle.

Another sigh from Kenma. “She’s not going to reject you.”

Kuroo fixed him with a look. “Not even you’re that observant.”

Saying nothing more, Kenma simply rolled his eyes and went back to his game, ending the conversation then and there. Kuroo finished typing out a text to you, and then your next message caused him to pause.

[13:03] Her : oh yeah!!! are you going to the haiba xmas party??

Kuroo blinked at the screen twice, before looking up to his preoccupied best friend. “Lev’s having a Christmas party?”

“Yeah, this day next week. Thought I told you.”

“You didn’t.”

“Oh.”

Not paying any attention to Kenma’s disinterested tone, Kuroo asked, “Are you going?”

Stupid question, as shown by the sudden grimace on Kenma’s face. Still, he didn’t answer immediately, and Kuroo felt a snippet of pride when the blond answered, “Maybe.”

Probably Lev had pestered him enough about it that Kenma had given in somewhat. If he did end up going at all, it would either be for only a few minutes or he would spend the night in some unoccupied room playing video games.

But if you were inquiring about the party, then did that mean you were going? Kuroo hadn’t been to many of Lev’s parties, but ever since the boy had turned 18 a few years ago his parents had started going on vacation more often and leaving the family’s enormous house (Kuroo would call it a mansion, really) into the hands of Lev and his sister. With little-to-no persuasion from the older Haiba sibling to the younger, they’d started throwing massive parties wherever possible. They were somewhat notorious by now; the last one Kuroo had gone to - before he’d met you - was still a very large black hole in his memory, and the tiny fragments he could actually remember involved dancing on a table, seeing Bokuto naked, and walking in on at least twelve couples in compromising positions throughout the house.

Needless to say, he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about you being involved in all this. Typing out a quick question to ask if you were going - to which you responded with an enthusiastic ‘yes!!!!’ - the decision was made for him.

[13:17] Kuroo: Yeah, I’m definitely going :)

***

You stared at yourself in the mirror. “Isn’t this dress a little… revealing?”

Behind you, Alisa was also staring at your reflection, arms crossed and a smile on her face. “That’s the point! We have to give Kuroo-kun a treat, don’t we?”

Not for the first time tonight, you blushed at the mention of Kuroo. Since she’d discovered your embarrassing crush on one of your closest friends, the gorgeous half-Russian had taken it upon herself to help you ‘break out of your shell’ (her words) and snag him. While you hadn’t exactly taken much of her advice up until this point, the encroaching couple’s holiday of Christmas was making your desire to be more than platonic with Kuroo reach new levels.

Thus, why you were now looking at yourself in Alisa’s full-length mirror while dressed in a very short, very low-cut, and very sexy red dress. Festive though it may be, it was certainly not something you would’ve picked out for yourself to wear, but Alisa had bought it specifically with you in mind, having presented it to you as a Christmas present as soon as you’d stepped foot in the Haiba residence one hour ago.

You had to give her credit though, your self-proclaimed surrogate older sister had taste. And possibly had also taken your measurements without your knowledge, because this was the most well-fitting piece of clothing you’d ever worn in your life. And, okay, the thought of Kuroo seeing you like this almost definitely had you eager for tonight.

“Okay,” you nodded, turning around to face Alisa properly. “I’ll wear it.”

“Great!” She squealed. “Now just let me do your hair and makeup, and there’s no way you’ll leave the party single.”

You rolled your eyes as she got to work, but ultimately you were grateful for all her help. Now all you had to do was talk to Kuroo. That would be easy, right? He was your friend, you talked to him all the time. There wouldn’t be any problems.

***

Kenma walked into the room you were hiding in. He granted you a single glance before wandering over to sit beside you on the bed and pulling a Nintendo Switch from his apparently quite deep jacket pocket. “We could play MarioKart.”

You shook your head. “No, that’s okay. I just… need to talk myself into leaving.”

“No pressure.”

Kenma was a good friend, you’d always thought. Quiet, wickedly clever, and ridiculously observant. So observant, in fact, that he’d discovered your feelings for his best friend before you’d even realised them yourself.

Which is why your next question was, “Is he here?”

A nod. “We came together.” A pause. “He’s looking for you.”

“…Maybe if I hide up here, then-”

“Lev told him you were here. Also, he would come look for me if he couldn’t find you.”

Dangit. Looks like you’d have to face him after all. In this dress. Which, okay, did look fantastic on you and was building confidence where previously you’d had none, but this was Kuroo.

“He likes red,” Kenma hummed, almost inaudible.

The dress was red. The shoes were red. The jewellery you’d borrowed from Alisa all had inlaid rubies. The pins holding your hair in place were red. Your lipstick was blood red.

You shot an accusatory glance towards the boy beside you, who shrugged. “Alisa asked. I answered.”

You couldn’t help it. You laughed. Your friends were simultaneously wonderful and terrible. You caught a small smile on Kenma’s face at your amusement, and only then did you gesture to yourself and ask, “Do you think he’ll like it?”

Kenma gave you a look. “You could wear a trashbag and he’d still want to drag you upstairs.”

Oh. Well. Now your cheeks were red to match the rest of you. Still, you nodded. “I should probably go then, shouldn’t I?”

“Please.”

You stuck your tongue out at him for that but ultimately found yourself leaving the room and standing in one of the many long corridors throughout the house. The floor beneath you was practically pounding with the loud beat of the music pulsating through the building, and you could already hear drunken cheers and what sounded a lot like an owl hooting. Or maybe that was just Bokuto, you weren’t sure.

Not for the first time, you found yourself considering how lucky you were that you actually knew your way around this place, easily finding your way into the secret passage linking this hall to the floor below. Dusty and dark though it may be, it had you emerging into the very crowded kitchen a minute later. A quick glance over the partygoers showed no tall bedheads, but it did show a very exhausted-looking Akaashi.

“I don’t know where he is,” was his greeting to you. “Would you like a drink?”

Well, this was a party. You may as well indulge in some aspects of it in between searching for a certain middle blocker. You nodded and were immediately handed a cup of something bright pink and somewhat ominous.

“It tastes like strawberries,” Akaashi supplied, before knocking back his own cup.

You supposed it could taste like a lot worse, so you mirrored his actions. It did taste like strawberries, but once it had slipped down your throat you were left feeling like you had downed straight vodka. Which, considering you were in the home of two half-Russians, was probably the case. Deciding you needed all the help you could get tonight, you finished off the rest of the drink. Without a word, Akaashi took your now-empty cup and refilled it.

You stayed there for a little while longer, taking note of everybody who entered the room, but failing to find exactly who you were looking for. You kept drinking, and Akaashi kept refilling your cup, until the two of you were flushed and giggling about something Kuroo had said or Bokuto had done.

“Oookay,” you laughed as you calmed your breathing down. “I need to stop drinking.”

Akaashi nodded. “Me too, I think. This stuff is bad.”

“Very,” you agreed, before remembering what your goal for tonight was. “Ugh, I need to go find Kuroo now. How is it so easy to lose him? He’s so tall!”

Akaashi thought for a second. “Mmmaybe he’s with Bokuto?”

That made sense. “But where’s Bokuto?”

From elsewhere in the house, the unmistakable sound of hooting could be heard. Akaashi looked at you with pride. “Found him.”

Grasping onto each other for support since walking in a straight line was difficult, the two of you made your way to the other side of the house. The games room was about as full as the kitchen had been, but almost everyone in here was crowded around the large pool table in the centre, as it was currently being used as a makeshift table by both Bokuto and Iwaizumi to arm-wrestle, although they were currently locked in a stalemate.

Bokuto glanced towards you and Akaashi, face lighting up in a grin at seeing the latter. Before he could call out a greeting, however, his focus was drawn back to his hand as Iwaizumi made an attempt at pushing for the win.

You took this opportunity to glance around the room, feeling yourself deflate ever so slightly when zero bedheads could be found. You were positive he’d be with his best bro, this was just getting ridiculous now.

As you watched Akaashi leave you to go and cheer Bokuto on, you wondered if maybe every part of this was just a sign that things weren’t meant to be. Well, that thought certainly depressed you. Maybe it was best to retreat for now, your head was pretty fuzzy after all.

It took you far longer than usual to climb up the nearest staircase, but you felt an immense amount of pride at yourself for actually making it to the top. Now your next course of action was to find a new hiding place, this time one without any other occupants.

You did feel a semblance of guilt deep inside as you pressed an ear to each bedroom door, like you were ruining everyone’s privacy, but it was far better than actually walking in and seeing something that would give you the urge to gouge out your own eyes.

Finally, you found a quiet door, bursting in none-too-subtly to find that it was not as empty as you’d first assumed.

Kuroo looked over to the door with a jolt from his seat on the bed, before his eyes widened exponentially at seeing you. And then they looked down the length of your body, and then back up to your face. And then, despite the drunken flush on his cheeks and slight glassiness of his eyes, he smirked that ungodly smirk and winked.

“Red looks great on you.”

Well, fuck him. How dare he be that attractive despite being a little blurry around the edges? How dare he beckon you over with an unsteady hand, and how dare you stumble over in record time?

How dare he, you continued to think as you straddled his waist and eagerly planted your mouth onto his own. His hands came up to rest on your hips as he kissed back with the same amount of enthusiasm, and soon you were cursing him once again, this time for almost definitely having smudged your lipstick.

When his tongue made its way into your mouth you tasted strawberries. Your hands making their way up to nestle in his unruly hair, you pulled his head back just enough to disconnect your lips.

“I was looking for you for ages,” you whined breathlessly.

“So was I,” he replied with an overdramatic pout. “Where were you?”

“I was…” Oh yeah. “Hiding in a bedroom. Then Kenma came in.”

“Why were you hiding?”

You looked away. “You.”

“Me?”

“You,” you nodded.

His brow furrowed. “I was hiding from you too.”

Oh. “You were?”

“Yeah. I drank a lot of the pink stuff and then wanted to kiss you real bad.”

You gasped, eyes snapping back to his. “Me too! Maybe it was a love potion.”

“Maybe,” he grinned. “It worked.”

You blinked for a second, before the realisation of where you were and what you’d just done hit you as quickly as your blurry mind would allow. “Hey, it did!”

He laughed. “Maybe we should kiss some more, in case it wears off.”

“Okay!”

And then you dizzily met him again.

“WAKE UP SLEEPYHEADS!”

Oh no. That was way too loud. That was illegally loud. There would be noise complaints. The police would be called. You would all be arrested. What would prison do to you? Would you be the same person afterwards? Would you be able to find yourself a nice prison wife? Would-

“Please let us live,” came a hoarse voice from beside you.

Wait. Beside you? Who was beside you?

You slowly cracked one eye open, every part of your nervous system complaining about the sunlight filtering into the bedroom through the window. It took a few blinks to rid yourself of all residual blurriness, but once that task had been completed your focus zeroed in on the body next to you in bed.

In… bed.

You were in bed, and this person was next to you.

And then said person rolled over to face you and all blood drained from your face.

“Mornin’,” Kuroo whisper-greeted you, a very sleepy - and very attractive - smile on his face.

Suddenly you were very conscious that he was shirtless. And with the hand hidden beneath the duvet, you quickly had an exploratory roam across your body to find that you were wearing your underwear, and nothing else.

“M-Morning,” you replied with all the confidence you could muster. Which was none.

Alisa, still standing at the door after having woken you both up as if she were Satan’s daughter herself, watched your exchange with nothing short of glee.

“Glad to see you two had a good night,” she grinned, pointedly looking down at a heap of red fabric on the floor. With a blush, you realised it was your dress.

Next to you, Kuroo rolled his eyes. “Nothing happened, Alisa.”

She shrugged. “Don’t hate me for assuming. Come downstairs when you’re ready, there’s coffee and bacon in the kitchen.”

She closed the door behind her as she left, and your stomach growled at the mention of food. But before that, you turned to meet Kuroo’s gaze. “Did nothing really happen?”

“Well, we made out for a while and then fell asleep. But other than that, no.”

You nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. “Okay, good.”

When he spoke next, his voice was quiet. “Do you hate the idea of it that much?”

The sudden heartbroken look on his face had you flailing. “N-No! I don’t at all, I’d just prefer if something like that didn’t happen when I was very drunk.”

“So you’d be okay with it if you weren’t drunk?” He asked, a smirk now replacing any sadness that had been on his face.

“Or hungover,” you added, in case he had any ideas about how to spend the morning. “But yes, I’d be fine with it. I kissed you, remember?”

He grinned. “You did. You could do it again if you wanted.”

You really did want to, but a memory from the night before had surfaced. “Did you mean what you said last night?”

“About liking you?” You nodded. “Yeah. I thought you were way out of my league though.”

Your mouth dropped open. “How?! I thought you were out of my league.”

He laughed a little, stopping when it apparently hurt his head. “We’re not very smart.”

“No,” you agreed. “But now we know.”

He stared at you for a long moment, before smiling. “If you were gonna kiss me again, now would be a great time to do it.”

You rolled your eyes but conceded.

Breakfast could wait.

[jackandmarksavedme88]

@ashphoenix06 @weirdmixofweirdness @honestlyitsjustkennaswriting @emma-wrote

TW: Violence anxd Blood

(I dont have a title for it lmao)

I could hear Jack in the next room recording his let's play; I heard him laugh and giggled. "My best friend is an idiot." I checked my phone, waiting for him to be done. I looked around and wondered how the hell i got here. Four years ago i was just someone just watching his videoes. Now? He's one of my best friends....something i would've laughed in your face for even suggesting it could happen. And yet here i am.

Suddenly the hairs on the back of my neck stand up...something's wrong. I realized its too quiet. I look toward Jack's game room and realize its silent.... except for a faint static sound.

"Jack?? You ok in there dude?"

My question was met with silence.

"Jack?" I get up and walk towards the door to the room hes in. The sound makes me shiver. 'What the hell is that?' I wonder.

"Hey... You ok?" I say as i knock on the door

"Ye-yeah...Im good...hey listen i dont think i can go tonight."

I frown "Huh? The whole reason anyone is coming is because youre here in LA for a while and they havent seen you in forever"

I hear him breathing hard "Just...go and tell them im sick"

I turn the knob slightly to open the door "Jack, are you sure youre ok?

"YES! ITS JUST A DAMN HEADACHE. GO"

I jump back, startled at the rage and pain mixed in his voice.

"Uh..o-ok...... If you need something let me know" I turn and walk out of the apartment hes renting and frown as i step onto the street

'What the hell was that?' I wonder.

I see a text from Amy asking if we are on the way. I dial her

'Hellllooooo?' I hear her boyfriend Mark's goofy voice

'Hey guys...jack is sick. He's not coming tonight'

Theres a pause as they take in the confusion and hurt in my voice

'What happened?' Asked Amy

'Fuckin beats me. But if he was a girl id guess PMS. He yelled at me! But its whatever. I'll just go hang out at home. I dont feel much like going anywhere anymore"

"No. Im going to come get you." Amy said. "Ill invite Katherine and Tyler and Ethan and we will all hang out at our house.... I dont want you alone right now"

I knew why. Mark and Amy knew all about the nightmares, the panic attacks. All of it started ten months ago and whenever they could, they kept me company

I was quiet...thinking back. To that night that everything came crashing down. The facade i built up was torn away.

*************

"Ugh. Youre talking to them AGAIN? Why do you feel the need to be up their asses"

I jumped, startled by Brandon speaking from the doorway

"Jesus babe. You scared me! Im watching Jack's video and talking to him and Mark."

'Yeah. Like you do every freakin day. You ever think they get tired of you?" His words dripped coldly, stabbing at a well known insecurity and finding their mark

I took a deep breath "No. Because they would say so. They would tell me 'hey. I dont feel like talking' and that would be that"

Brandon rolled his eyes "Yeah. Whatever. I dont see why youre friends with them anyway. They take too much priority. You should be focused on other things...like me"

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes "I focus on you enough. Come watch with me! Its funny!"

"No. Thanks. I have better things to do. You should too" his voice getting that edge to it...the one I knew too well, it made me cringe but at the same time pissed me off

"I really dont get what your deal is." I said

"My deal is they stick their nose where it doesnt belong and they dont know when to walk away....especially that little Irish asshole" he sneered.

That struck me for some reason "Hey! Jack has never done anything to you Brandon. Neither has Mark for that matter. Back the hell off" I said, standing up and facing him

His green eyes flashed darkly "You need to watch how you talk to me. Thats another thing, you get mouthy when you talk to them. You forget where you belong"

I stared at him...wondering how the hell it had come to this. He wasnt always this way...and i wasnt always afraid of what would happen...

Mouthy?! If standing up for myself and people i care about makes me mouthy then i guess so! And what do you mean they dont know how to walk away? What the hell are you talking about? Whatd Jack do that was so bad?"

He barked a laugh out "When we went out to LA for you to see them, he didnt like how he perceived i was treating you. He threatened me. Him and Mark. Threating me! Not that you care"

I thought about that trip. About the bruise on my face i got the first night for a hug that lasted too long. The bruise on my arm when i wanted to go dance but not with Brandon... Thats when Jack, Mark and Amy had begged me to stay there.

To leave Brandon... Thats when they peeked behind the curtain i had kept up for the last two years.

"What do you mean by threatened?" I asked warily. Not sure what happened

" He waited till you went to the bathroom with the girls and slammed me up against the wall and said if i knew what was good for me Id 'treat you better' and he better not hear of it again" Mark just stood there and watched it and when i went to say something to him he said it was better that Jack did it because he wouldve done worse! Thats what your precious friends did." He spat. Words dripping with disdain.

I stood speechless.... I didn't think anyone gave a crap. Sure they said they did and wanted me to leave...but i didnt think i was a friend worth threatening someone over

"Well. Thats what happens when you care about someone. You protect them" i said quietly...before i realized what that would set off, then steeled myself for it

The atmosphere of the room changed. It went from normal to almost foggy. The tension grew thick. Brandon stepped up close to me, his 6ft frame dwarfing my 5'3" one.

"Im the ONLY person that gives a shit about you. They keep you around for entertainment. You think they care? You could disappear and in a month they wouldnt even remember your name. Im the one that takes care of you. Im the one that made you who you are. You would still be in your moms house in that backwoods town if it wasnt for me! You keep forgetting just where you stand in this relationship Alison. Keep pushing and im going to have to reteach you some things" his words were almost a whisper

"Now. Unless you want me to wait and kick his ass myself to make him leave you be, i suggest you not talk to him as much." He said smiling...it didnt quiet reach his eyes though. Those were cold and hateful

The thought of him putting hands on jack was too much. I stepped up right in his face

"You can do whatever you want to me. Say what ever you want to me....but dont you EVER threaten one of them again!" I spit out the words, my emotions and courage suprising me

I shouldve prepared myself, but the smack caught me off guard and i fell against the wall. He grabbed me and turned me to face him, pressing my back to it

"I told you. Dont. Speak.To.Me.That.Way" he spit out as he painfully grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him.

"Brandon.. Let go!" I cried. He just laughed and hit me in the ribs on each side. I went down to my knees

"Get up you pathetic bitch. You want to stand up for your man, then do it"

"Brandon. Hes my friend. Why do you have to be this way. Hes a friend!" I yelled through my tears

"Oh. I know. Because why would he want something like you? But you seem to forget how to talk to me" his words dripped in hatred and anger. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and drug me to my feet. "Now. Are you going to do as told? Or do i need to convince you further?"

I breathed in sharply, pretty sure a rib was at the least bruised if not broken. But then i thought back to what he said. Thought of what hed do to Jack....because he really was that possesive.

"Im waiiiiting Ali. Or do you need a visual of what ill do to him? Id probably start at his kneecaps. Break those and hes at my mercy. Then ill work over his ribs and his face...if im feeling generous i might stop before theres a need for ICU...."

That did it. I went numb and saw red. I couldnt feel the pain in my face or ribcage anymore. The thought of it sent me flying into his face

I think it suprised him because i had never fought back before. Id always bowed down to whatever he wanted. Because i thought i loved him. Because i thought he was all i had.

I screamed as i drove myself into him and out into the living room. He tripped on his own feet and i landed on him, throwing fists anywhere theyd land. I heard a crack as i landed one on the bridge of his nose and blood started to flow. He yelled and grabbed me and flipped me over. He smacked me in the face and his body weight pinned me to the floor

"You dumb cunt. You really thought that would work? Did you really think you could make me do what you wanted by fighting back????? Youre mine and you will obey me!!" He punched me in the face and i almost blacked out. He looked up to the coffee table and saw his pocket knife and got a look of pure evil in his eyes. "And apparently you need a reminder of the fact that whats mine is MINE" With one hand he held my wrists as i struggle to break free, with the other he grabbed the knife and popped it open, the blade sharp and gleaming.... This was it... I knew i was going to die. Hed threatened so many times and hes finally going to do it.

He lifted the bottom of my shirt up, exposing my stomach. "Now. Hold still sweetheart" he purred coldly.

I started to kick and scream as i felt the knife drag across and slice my skin open....and the world went black..

..........

I slowly came to, blinking against the fluorescent lights. I opened my eyes slowly, letting them adjust. Feeling dizzy, worn out... What the hell was going on?

"No. Shes been out of it since she came up here. Theyve given her medicine to help her rest and keep her calm. No, i dont know what they think yet...... Yes i know you want to kill him but the fact is, youre in England and hes here in Texas... Jack. Dude ill let you know, i promise...alright. Bye'.... I knew that voice..

I was confused. What is Mark talking about and why the hell does he sound so close? My eyes finally cleared and i could see Amy on the couch against the windows... Mark was pacing back and forth. His hair messed up like it is when he constantly runs his hands through it....i knew that was a nervous tic of his... I realized I was in a hospital bed

"M-Mark? I croaked out. Throat dry

He turned sharply "Alison!" Rushing to the bed side he grabbed my hand "Hey...welcome back" I looked to the other side where Amy had perched on the bed next to me, a worried look

"What.....what the hell happened?" I murmured, thoughts jumbled. I looked in Marks eyes, they were wet with tears that he blinked away quickly. "That bastard almost killed you.... The neighbor heard you screaming and called the cops....when they got there they could hear it so they busted in... He broke four of your ribs, gave you a concussion and cut you all up....you had me and Amy on emergency numbers so we got here this morning....youve been here about 24 hours." Tears streamed down his face as he squeezed my hand. I felt Amy rub my arm and looked over to her.

"You guys didnt have to come all the way here for me. Really.... Thats crazy. Amazing. But crazy"

"Heh" mark laughed "jack wanted to jump a flight from England... Oh i better call him"

He walked outside the room and shut the door

"Alison....I want you to come home with us when you get out of here. Im not leaving you in that apartment." Amy said, determination on her face. I knew there was no arguing.

"Ok...maybe for a little while..." I trailed off. We sat in silence for a moment

"By the way....cops said you broke that assholes nose and an orbital bone. Also busted his ribs when you were kicking him when he cut you...nice job" she laughed bitterly

**********

Ali??" Amy said over the phone. I snapped out of my daydream. "Yeah Amy...Im here. Um...Im just not up to people tonight... I promise im ok. If im not, I'll call you." I said

It was quiet for a moment and then Mark spoke up "Are you sure? We can be to your place in no time." I smiled "Yeah guys. Im sure. Ill talk to ya'll tomorrow" i hung up the phone after saying goodbye and walked to my car. Pondering what my life had become in just a few years..... 'Screw this. Im going for a drink' i said aloud.

I went back to my apartment and picked out my black dress from the back of the closet. I felt like wearing it for the first time since i bought it. I held it up to my body and studied my reflection and laughed, remembering the day i bought it

*********************

"Amy..... I really dont think i can come out in this" i said from inside the dressing room

"Alison Jaymes if you dont step out here right this minute im crawling under the door!' She said laughing

I grimaced...embarrassed to be in something cut so low.....sure my legs looked great and it gave me great cleavage but..... id be a laughing stock if i walked in anywhere in this...but i knew shed do what she said. i cracked the door and peeked out, making sure no one was around and stepped out.

Amy's eyes widened "holy crap! Girl. You have to get that. You look amazing!!!!"

"Yeah. Right im sure. And where or when would i wear the damn thing.... It shows too many of...these" i said bitterly as i traced the light scar down my arm and then one on my leg...both left that night by Brandon

Amy stepped closer to me "Ali, you look amazing. Please get it. Especially since your hair is that cherry cola color. Your green eyes pop and this dress just completes it. You.look.amazing..... I bet Jack would be speechless....and thats hard to think of" she laughed, looking at me mischeviously

I threw my head back and laughed. "Yeah. Speechless as to why i would wear something like this. I could have a Playstation attached to my head and he wouldnt notice me. Not that way..and thats fine. But.....this would be good to wear out to get drinks...meet a stranger....dance. Hmmm"

********************

I finished my eyeliner was applying my red lipstick. I stepped back from the mirror and admired myself. Id lost about thirty pounds in the last few months and had to admit i didnt look half bad.....i slipped my heels on and grabbed my coat and walked to the car.

As i was putting the keys in the ignition, my phone rang. I looked down at it as the screen lit up with Jacks face

"Hello? " I answered. Not knowing what to expect

"A-alison?" Jacks voice came through the phone raspily. It made me shiver

"Yeah Jack. Whats up?" I asked, a little worried now. He didnt sound like himself

"Hey...im really sorry about that... I-I didnt mean to yell at you at all. Its just...hard to fight those headaches and....well im just sorry ok?" He said, rushing through his words. I could tell he was tired. Worriedly i said " Are you sure you dont need anything? I have medicine in my purse. I could go get you some food or something...." Losing all thought of going out. Wanting to know what was actually going on

"Yeah...maybe...maybe some soup or something?" He asked. I smiled "Sure. I can do that. Give me a little bit and I'll be there, ok?" He sighed "Ok...and Ali? Again im really sorry-"

"Ah ah" i stopped him. It doesnt matter now. We're good. " i hung up, still worried, but glad to not end on a bad note. I got back out of the car and hurried inside. Instead of changing i just grabbed some sweat pants and old tshirt to change into when i got there.

About an hour later i knocked on the door. Jack opened it and invited me in...not speaking. I was carrying some chicken soup from the diner i loved going to. Homemade and it smelled amazing

"Hey. Thanks for coming back....what is all that?" Jack chuckled as i put the food and a bag from the pharmacy on the counter

"Well, i got tylenol, ibprophen and even some icy hot and vicks..... I didnt know what was causing the headache so i just grabbed what i use for different ones" I studied him for a moment.... "You sure you're ok? You freaked me out"

He looked at me with a sad expression "Yeah...im really sorry Ali...i dont know what happened. I feel like an asshole" he stared at the ground. I stepped toward him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Hey. I told you not to apologize anymore. All is forgiven. I just want to make sure youre ok Jack. Thats all that matters..ok?" He looked up, his blue eyes staring into mine and nodded. "Yeah...okay" he sighed and relaxed.

The he looked me up and down "what the hell are you wearing?" He laughed

I looked down, suddenly remembering the clothes in the bag on the table and the fact that i had my dress on. Blushing i laughed "Well. I was on my way to get a drink when you called.....i brought some clothes to change into.. I look dumb i know, i just didnt want to take the time to change' He looked down at my feet "were you going to wear your converse to the bar??" He said teasingly.

I laughed "No! I had heels on, but i didnt think you needed to see all that! Shut up!" I said throwing my hands up. Uncomfortable under his gaze all of a sudden. Feeling his baby blues on me

He touched my arm lightly and chuckled "hey. Im sorry. I didnt mean anything by it. Honestly you look great Alison. Ive never seen you dressed up like this"

I stared at my feet for a moment, trying to regain composure. "Well. Let me go change. You start eating" i said. Grabbing the bag with my clothes i went into the bathroom and changed.

After eating we sat down and popped in a movie. As it played i watched Jack from the other end of the couch...studying him. He seemed normal....i guess. There was still something off...but maybe hes just getting sick.

I held out the bowl of popcorn wed made and offered it to him. When he didnt notice i took a piece and tossed it at the side of his face

"Huh?! What the hell?" He said. I laughed "dude. You were spaced the hell out!" He grabbed the bowl and then looked at me mischeviously. He got a handful of popcorn and lobbed them at my face, laughing

"Hey! I threw a single piece! Not fair!" I dove over to his side of the couch for the bowl, giggling as he transferred it to his far hand and held it out of reach. "Urghh. Why am i so..short?" I growled as i struggled to reach it.

"Because its fun to play keep away" Jack laughed. I tried to get up to steal it but he held me with one arm. "Thats not fair either!" I laughed, collapsing as he poked me in the side. I looked down at him, one arm stretched over the side of the couch with the bowl of popcorn and me pretty much just laying on him....suddenly very aware of my face's proximity to his face...i flushed crimson and sat up and adjusted myself so i was again leaning to the other side of the couch

"Rude. Im ticklish and short...whats your flaw?" I jokingly pouted. He threw his head back and laughed. "You don't have the time or mental space for all my flaws Alison" Jack got up "Ill be right back. I want to make sure the video uploaded right" he walked into his game room, leaving the door cracked open.

After about five minutes i stood up, stretching and went to the kitchen to get a drink. As i was standing there, my back to the living room, i heard...laughter? My head whipped around...that didnt sound like Jack though. It was...weird. I sat my glass on the counter and creeped up to the crack in the game room door.

"Jack....hows the video?" My question was met with silence so i pushed the door open.

Jack sat in the corner of the room, on the floor, back to me with his head in his hands. His head was moving...twitching side to side..

"J-Jack? Are you ok?" I walked slowly to him...suddenly aware of how very silent it was...i couldnt even hear outside nosies....

I reached my hand out and right as i was about to grab his shoulder he spoke...pained....like he was fighting with the words.

"Al-Alison....go back to the living room....please....please just go.....just go in there ok? Give me a little bit...Im-Im fine but i need you to go...shut the door....please ali"

I shrunk back...he sounded almost desperate. "Jack. Please...let me help you...if youd just tell me what's wrong...."

He laughed bitterly "No. I need to be alone on this...please just go....and....do one other thing?" he sounded serious. I swallowed hard, fighting the urge to jerk him up and find out what was going on.

"What is it?" I asked softly.

"Ali.....just remember..no matter what i say when i get like this .. I love you. Ok? I dont say it enough but i do. You're always there for me " i stood there...replaying his words, my heart hammering in my chest as he suddenly bent further down, face almost touching the floor and grabbing his head. I ran out of the door and shut it, my hand lingering as i wispered "i love you too......"

I sat looking at my phone, trying to distract myself. It buzzed with a new message. It was from my cousin Jennifer.

J: Hey cousin. What're you up to??"

Me: Nothing. Over at the apartment Jack's renting while hes in LA. You

J:Nm. Ooooooo Jack huh? You ever admit to yourself, or him, what a major crush you have on him? Or still in denial?

Me:Jen! No. And im never telling him that! Its fuckin weird. He's my best friend and thats it

J: whatever. You know, you just need to grab him by the shirt and lay one on him. I bet yall would be down and dirty in two seconds

Me: omfg Jen. Im done with you lmfao. Jesus. Dirty ass mind

J: Yeah. Like you haven't daydreamed about him saying your name in that cute little accent in the bedroom. But seriously....say something. Youll never know till you do

Me: yeah ok. Thanks Dr Phil.

I put my phone down, laughing at her. Then looked up when i heard the game room door open. Jack stepped out, looking as though hed been through a war.

"Jack!" I just up and hurried to him. Wrapping an arm around his waist i led him to the couch. "Sit your ass down. And tell me whats going on" i demanded as we sat on the couch.

He looked at me, his blue eyes searching mine. "Alison. There are some things i never want you to deal with....and that is one of them" i reached my hand out, cupping his face. "Jack. Youre my best friend. And i swear to you Im here. No matter whats going on...ok?" He nodded and closed his eyes, leaning his head to the side trapping my hand to his shoulder.

He suddenly looked up. Almost....frightened.

"Jack?" I said quietly. He turned toward me.... Everything became very still, his head twitched to the side. "Damnit" he whispered, standing quickly. This time i followed him as he walked away.

"Oh no. We aint doing this shit again. What the hell is happening" i demanded. He suddenly stopped at the closed bedroom door and i ran into his back

Jack....c'mon. This isnt funny." I said, angry and little bit terrified

He began to laugh but....it was off. It sounded....higher pitched and crackling. Suddenly he shook his head "No! Leave her alone!!!" He shouted, smacking the side of his head.

"Jack! What the hell!?" His head twitched side to side. I stepped back, the hair on my arms standing up. Something is wrong here. I reached out slowly, touching his shoulder and in a whisper choked out "Ja--Jack?"

Suddenly i was being twisted and thrown backwards against the wall, his hand at my throat, head hanging to his chest. "Jack!" I screamed. "WHAT ARE YOU----"

My words died in my throat as he raised his head, his beautiful blue eyes had been replaced by emotionless black. His head cocked to the side as he grinned evily at me.. Teeth seeming longer

"Alison" the thing purred "Dont you know when someone says to leave them alone. .you should? You know the saying about the cat and curiosity dont you kitten?" All color drained from my face

"An--anti? What. How?" I stammered. Not believing this" he got rid of you....you were gone!

The demon threw his head back and laughed. "Oh Ali....you think this...weakling could kill ME? You think id be defeated by your BOY?" He spit out mockingly, his grasp tightening on my throat. "Jack and i. We are the same person. Without me, theres no him" he giggled that insane laugh again. Id only ever heard it in videos....it was so much worse in real life

"Anti. Hes NOTHING like you. Hes pure good. Strong, smart and successful. Youre just a glitched out bitch that has become a joke. Your angry turtle voice isnt going to scare me. Show me something worthwhile or get the hell out!"

His gaze locked onto mine, it felt as though he was staring deep into my soul.....then he smiled, the grin sinister.

He leaned right into my face, waving the knife that was in his other hand and running it gingerly down my arm. "Should i leave a few more scars? Im a bit more well learned in this than Brandon was though Princess.....i bet my scars will run deeper..maybe ill let Jack watch as i cut you.. I think hed enjoy it" he growled. I stiffened at his words.

"Anti. Youre nothing like him. Youre not even HALF the man Jack is' i spit out, pissed off and scared. He studied me for a moment and leaned over into my ear. His breath hot on my neck

"You think hes just so perfect? Such a good boy?" He purred into my ear "i just want to cut you....to make you feel pain. Him? He wants you to enjoy it when he hurts you" his knife traced my side as he spoke. " They say Im from hell and some of the things in his head when hes around you almost make me blush" the words came out half amused and half disgusted. He leaned back and laughed, the sound twisted and distorted. "Hes a pussy. Cant even do anything about this.....he couldnt even save you from Brandon...and he reallllly wanted to let me loose that day. Had him against the wall and everything" The glitch laughed darkly

"And now. He gets to watch while i kill you.....i might even let him back to reality after so he can feel your blood on his hands" Antisepticeye giggled again.

"Jack! I need you to wake up.....i need you to fight this! Please!" I pleaded, searching for any sign of him in the abyss that his eyes had become. "Jack!!!" I raised my hand and slapped him almost instinctively.

All of a sudden he fell to his knees. Clutching his head. "Aghhhhh!!!" His yell ripped from his throat, the sound of torture.

"Jack. Fight him! Please!!!! " i dropped to my knees in front of him and grabbed his face in ny hands. When i forced him to look at me his right eye shown that beautiful blue color...the other still black. "Jack. Come on. Please. You can do this. Please come back! I didnt tell you i love you too!! You have to come back so i can tell you!!"

I began to sob as he fell to the floor, jerking and holding his head, cries of pain eminating from deep within.

And suddenly.....he was still.

I reached for him, still on my knees. "Jack?" I said softly as i touched him. I rolled him over. His eyes were closed and he was too still for a long moment

Then he coughed. I sank to the side, butt hitting the ground and sighed. He half sat up and looked at me. Both eyes the most beautiful shade of blue id ever seen

We stood up and after a moment he looked at me. "Alison....oh my God. Your neck..." I looked at him "My neck?! Thats what youre going to comment on??!?" I half yelled incredulously. "Really?! Not the fact that Anti has been screwing with you??? You didnt think we needed to know?!"

Jack stepped closer to me, fingers trailing my throat....tracing the sore spots left by anti's hand. "Im so sorry....i didnt mean to...i.... Oh God whats happening to me?! He cried out.

I stepped forward and buried my face in his chest hugging him tightly. Both of us crying.

"Jack.....i almost lost you." I whispered.

"He almost killed you Alison......that asshole almost......and i couldnt stop him! How fuckin useless am i? He cried out

I stepped back and looked at him and then held him tightly. "Jack. You didnt do anything wrong " i said

"It was MY hand around your throat Ali!!!" He yelled as he pushed away. "Dont you get it? I stay so far away so i dont end up hurting anyone." He turned his back to me, wiping his face and walked to the bedroom.

I followed him and sat beside him on his bed. Silence stretched out. Neither of us knowing what to say. Then he spoke "I cant believe i threw you into a wall and choked you..."

I laughed and before my brain could filter my words i said "Oh cmon....it wasnt that bad. I mean, if not for the whole Anti posessing you thing it wouldve been kinda hot!".... Then realizing what i said i fell backwards and just laughed, soon he was laughing his ass off right next to me. "What the ACTUAL FUCK Alison!!???" He sputtered, the fuck sounding more like FOOK in his accent, as he laughed more. "I dont fuckin know. I was almost choked out by a demon glitch Jack!" I shot back through my laughs.

Soon the laughter died and i sat up. Taking a deep breath...Suddenly he grabbed my hand and said softly.. "Did you mean it?"

I looked at him. "Did i mean what?" I asked. He looked down at the floor and then spoke as he raised his gaze to meet mine "When you said you loved me......did you mean it?

I stared at the ground a long while...then stood up fidgeting with my hands and i walked back across the room, putting my back to him as i spoke

"I-i....mean..." I sighed hard and just let the words out "Yeah. Ive always meant it when i said it Jack.... For the last three years." I heard him stand and walk up behind me. "Well alison....you couldve said something." He said softly

I laughed and turned to face him "Yeah. Let me just tell my best friend that somewhere along the way i fell for him. Let me open myself up to THAT rejection. Ha! No. Thanks im good with that." He studied my face intently, then reached up and pushed my hair behind my ear and cupping my chin

"What kinda of an idiot would reject you?" He asked softly and then said "well....ok im an idiot for not noticing.....but not that big of an idiot. I have my limits you know..' and with that leaned his face down and pressed his lips to mine. The world stopped for a minute, and then i wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back as he pulled me against him.

When he pulled back we were both breathless "Jack....." I said and then stopped. Not knowing what to say so i leaned against his chest. Wrapping my arms under his to hold him. His hands trailed up and down my back as we stood there, completely comfortable in our slience.

He sharted shaking and laughing again out of no where. I stepped back and he shook his head "Sorry. Sorry. Just what you said earlier... I cant believe that came outta your mouth!"

Putting my hands on my hips i glared at him playfully "you just haaad to go a ruin a great moment didnt ya!" Then i started laughing too.

He put his hands on my shoulders "Ali...hon. Im sorry its just hilarious hearing you say that! Dirty minded much?" Then he stopped and very slowly stepped closer and closer to me until my back hit the wall softly and he stared me down with a serious look.

"J-Jack?? Very funny. Ha ha. Stop it"

He smiled. His blue eyes twinkling. "What? I just wanted you to have a better memory of being backed into a wall by me is all" his hand softly pressed to my throat as his mouth captured mine again, more urgent this time, pressing his body to mine. Softly but in control of my every move.

[archived--hell]

1, 2, 17, honestly all of them if you’re up to it

1 - already answered 

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

L O R D T jupiter fuck man got damn id die for jupiter 

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?

i have adopted characters before, but ive never done anything with them, and i have received characters Back from people but besides that nah

4. A character you rarely talk about?

HI PLEASE I BEG OF YOU ASK ABOUT THE GODS PLE AS E IM DYING

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

fuck uh.. honestly if its only semi popular would i do this bc being Well Known would be nice, yeah, but.. it scares me? idk but uh probably leo or aero, theyre two boys i hold close to my heart

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?

:) eldur and leo kinda? idk i try not to make any of them look alike rip

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?

YES! theyre actually all part of one universe called cooking with demons! i have a whole game planned out for the man cast kinda? but all in all its all set within one universe, with multiple different stories occurring within it jhfdksg

8 - already answered

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?

unless specfifically made for them upon request, no. ive already tried that once and it lead to me losing any and all control i had over my characters. At this moment, i only “share” a few ocs with my boyfriend @coffee-burglar and even then, its taken almost a year to even be able to do that

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design?

uh, all of them are kinda complicated for me, but as of right now, that would go to leos full form. (if u want a ref hmu and ill post it, but it wont be my art)

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

like a ray of sunshine? yeah! angel and stitch would fit perfectly for that!

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

@coffee-burglar their oc chrome n koh,  or derek but thats bc im a hoe

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

aero, jhor, innis, leo are all trouble makers to some degree, leo being the most trouble some

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

uhhhh fuck what counts as tragic?

i guess id have to say leo or jupiter mostly, but eldur fits too

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?

if youd let me i would yell about these fucks for hours on end, ive done it

16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)?

the best but wouldnt enjoy it: Jupiterthe best and would absolutely enjoy it: colby

17. Any OC OTPs?

stitch/lavaaero/kohcolby/derek/inniswill/happiness aeyr/Eberictderek/Xhaztolleo/eldur

18. Any OC crackships?

jhfkdfsjghdfkjhgdkfjsgl i never talk abt it but will/aero is fucking A+

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

ah,, leo. i originally made him to project the worst in myself onto, and because of that ive made his life a living shit hole. but,, recently ive been hell bent on giving him a good ending, one where he heals, and lives his life ok, where he finally, finally has a chance to be happy and get help. its,, kind of been a tiny growing point for me? he just, means a lot to me because of that haha

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

uhhh all of their voice claims are songs n such but only a few of them actually sing in canon! heres the voice claims of the ones who do sing:

Aero - thats his voice, but hed probably more likely to sing Something Like ThisAngelStitch - this is her voice! but shed be much more likely to sing something a lot more upbeat, kind of like thisColby (its jeremy from bmc jghfdkg)

and one i dont have a voice claim for yet that does sing canonically is Sycamore! 

21. Your most artistic OC

!!!! oh thatd easily be will! hes nothing professional at all, but he does enjoy drawing and making diy type projects :0c hazels also artistic but with food :0c but what would you expect from a kitchen witch

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how?

Hi My Names Skinny Penis And No One Has Ever Even Looked At My Ocs For More Than Two Seconds

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?

lordt all of them would fit that, but the one thats changed the most? lordy thatd probably be will! he used to be a persona that was mostly only interested in dying and getting fucked, but now hes? evolved into a fully fledged character, and has even changed from being human lmao

24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?

jupiter, simply because he is The Biggest Comfort i have. hes,,, really important to me and i love him a lot

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)

:) its bold of you to assume they dont all resemble me in some way. the most though? damian. lazy motherfucker with 200 emotional issues and no motivation to fix any of them

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will?

…yeah.

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

Nope, most tend to be born from ideas spawned by me n my bf concepting about my ocs, and what would happen if this thing happened? yknow?

28. Your most dangerous OC?

He has yet to be revealed >:)c his names icarus

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

INNIS, GOD INNIS WOULD AND HED PROBABLY DIE

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?

secret: damiannot so secret: colby

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)

uHHhhHh 

damian would probably have a very shitty coded blog theme (or default) and would genuinely only reblog shitty, abstract memes, and nice food recipes for hazel to make him

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

protagonist? if youre going for the scared baby, colby. if ur going for the stoic “thats weird but ok” one, innis or aero.antagonist tho???? Leo and angelica :)

33. Your shyest OC?

uh, a oc thats genuinely shy and not just anxiety filled? angel :0c shes had a very limited interaction pool with anything thats not other angels so she tends to shy away from others bc she really, really doesnt want to get into awkward situations

34. Do you have any twin characters?

Jupiter and leo!

35. Any sibling characters?

Jupiter, leo, angelica, damian, eldur

jupiter, leo, damian, and angelica are all related via their dad, while eldur is related to damian via their mom

36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)?

uhh if im understanding this question right yeah i do! derek, koh, n a lot of others belong to @coffee-burglar ! ive just roped them into my universe dkjfhkdjgh

37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human

Op All Of My Characters Are Inhuman

38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer?

surprisingly? aero! hes got really good rhythm and can actually dance really well, its kinda scary

39. Introduce any character you want

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Ill let yall have a choice, pick one

1.) Lust2.) Greed

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!

fond?? uh,, not really. but damian does have a very important memory attached to him.

tw for suicide ment hjgkdfs

with damian, i created him after i tried to kill myself and was stuck in a mental hospital. i had just finished reaing the first shadowhunters book, and decided to try and draw the first demon(???? was that what he was?? im a dumbass and its been over 2 years) you met, which had bright blue hair and if i remember correctly, electric green eyes? but yeah. i made him to cope with all the mental stress i had while being forced to be in that hospital, and hes become very close to my heart because of that

41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)

!!!!!!!!! yeah!!! my boyfriends drawn damian and most of my characters bgjkfdhgkfdsgl but one i do hold close to my heart (bc at the time, i barely knew them) was when @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone drew aeyr! it made me really happy tbh. i still have it saved to my phone actually!!!

42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods?

uhhhh,,, provided that they found a way to get anything involving earth and their beliefs itd probably be either angel or colby. angel enjoys learning anything and everything she can, while colby enjoys hearing about the Tea™ that comes with greek shit

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

lordt ok

i really just? enjoy making demons really, or anything that doesnt quite fit “conveniently attractive” in at least one form they have. (i also favor making guys bc im Gay)

44. Something you like about your OCs in general

how well theyre coming together, for so long, their stories have been little fractures and pieces that never fit together. Fragments. but now, theyre almost fully put together and its… wonderful to see

45. A character you no longer use?

a hi have.. one. their name was angel aura, a steven universe oc. i got rid of them because of too many.. bad things.

46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?

not directly, but yes. it.. actually helped me give a lot of them a ok life, or at least a good ending

47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child?

@coffee-burglar eldur, colby, will n a few others lmao

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

ELDUR GOD ELDUR PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE THIS KID BACK TO HIS MOM

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes

damian

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want

ghjkfgkfdhgklfjhglkjdfhgslfjdgh give me a actual thing to talk about bc im dying op

[whitegirlconfessions]

My first time (Blacked)

(Disclaimer: Names have been changed to protect the naughty)

They always say you will remember your firsts. Your first kiss, your first date, your first boyfriend, your first time. What they never tell you is you’ll always remember the first time you were blacked. Nobody prepared me for this. Nobody warned me of the long lasting effects from it. In fact, I was always told that it was something that should never be done. Before I get into my first time. Let me give you some background about myself.

I was born in a small Southern town. Like in most southern states, there were plenty of black people around. Some nice people, some..not so much. When you’re young you don’t see thing in certain ways. As you get older though things become clearer.  I was a good girl growing up. My parents southern princess. A cute dirty blonde haired girl that loved dresses, boots, horses, camping and being outdoors. All my friends were white in school. Its not that I was racist, I didn’t know what racism really was. It just seemed that I had more in common with white kids. I was a Southern Baptist, showed up early for Sunday school. Everyone in our church was white, most of the people my age were fellow classmates at my school. We just all blended well. There were quite a few black kids in my school. I wasn’t mean or rude to them. Id talk, laugh, cut up and be friendly but we just weren’t friends. Why? I don’t know. Nothing was wrong with any of them. They were really nice kids. Not trouble makers or thugs. Fast forwarding as I grew up my looks and body developed more and I started getting more attention from guys both white and black guys. I never dated a black guy before. My parents would lose their lid. My parents are good people. They will do anything for you, regardless of color. Ive seen them help white people, hispanic people and yes even black people in times of needs. However there was just something that made them say no when it came to their white daughter. The “N word” was dropped a few times in my house by my parents. It never seemed to be directed towards any certain individual but maybe seeing something on TV would spark the reaction. I have to admit, I have said the word myself. So with all the attraction of course I dated a few boys throughout Jr High and into high school. All of this is really irrelevant because I know what you’re all reading for. So lets just jump ahead....

The night it happened I had been dating my boyfriend at the time (Tommy) for about 7 months. He was truly a nice guy but also still a hormone filled teenage boy. He was 17 and I was 16. I had had sex with 2 other boys previously. Tommy knew, maybe thats why he liked me...maybe not..I dont really know. He never made any hints or advancements about sex until about 6 months into dating. I liked Tommy. He was a really cute boy and came from a really great family but I had felt so heart broken after being with the past two boys that I was just scared to be with anyone again. Tommy started to get more persistent about getting together and I just had to keep telling him no. 

One Friday night after a football game we were invited over to a classmates house. Their parents were out of town for the weekend so they were going to throw a little party. Tommy & I showed up a little later then everyone else. After the game we stopped and had a late dinner and then made phone calls giving our parents excuses as to why we wouldn’t be home. I had changed from my jeans into a skirt & heels that I had hidden in Tommy’s car (I liked to dress mature for dates but my parents usually made me change before going out so we had to hide clothes for me to wear haha). While at the party Tommy brought up now would be a good time for us to hook up for the first time. We had a way to be alone and could slip away easily into one of the bedrooms. I still stood firm on my stance. I “loved” Tommy but I just didnt want to do that again. We got into a little argument and just decided to walk away from each other for a little bit. He went to hang out with some of his friends and I went with some of mine. After a little while Tommy approached me again and asked me to go upstairs with him. I asked him why and he said “because I want you...everyone else you’ve dated has had you...I want you too”....I was stunned when he said this. At the time he said this I didnt know if he meant it the way I was taking it. Did my boyfriend just call me a whore? Taken aback I tried to explain to him that I wanted to be with him and I didnt care about the other guys any more but I just wasnt ready yet. The time will come and when it does he will be the first one to know and that it will all be worth the wait. Then he said something that broke my heart. “You’ll spread your legs for everyone else but seem to have no problems keeping them closed for a guy who’s good to you.” As the tears started to roll down my cheeks, he just walked away from me and eventually left the party. I was totally crushed as I tried to casually find my way to somewhere private where I could crawl up in a ball and just die. 

I ended up in one of the bedrooms closets. It was a small walk in but private enough where I would be alone. I guess my sobbing was louder then I expected as I was heard from the hallway by another boy from school. Marcus was 18, a senior. Tall athletic type. He wasnt a typical jock. He was a really nice guy to everyone and was a really good student. He was the type of guy who you wanted to take home to your parents....if your parents were ok with you bringing home a black guy. Marcus found me sitting in the floor and sat down with me. He asked me what was wrong and after telling him I didnt want to talk about it he eventually broke me and I reluctantly started telling him the story. I knew who Marcus was but I probably havent said 5 words to him in school. Seniors just never seemed to talk much to underclassmen. After telling him everything, Marcus slid over closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer against him. He told me there’s nothing he could say or do to make me feel better but it never hurts to just have someone there while you cried. I leaned against his shoulder/chest for what seemed like forever crying and crying until i couldnt breath. Once my tears dried up a bit Marcus started joking with me and making me laugh. It was a nice feeling going from my world crashing to being able to laugh. As I leaned up to wipe the rest of the tears away I made the comment about looking like a raccoon from my make up. Marcus reached over wiping around my eyes cleaning them up the best he could with his thumb and looked me in the eyes and told me that I was beautiful. My heart fluttered. I just went from a boy I loved telling me I was a whore to a guy I barely knew telling me I was beautiful. The compliments he gave me were so flattering. I couldnt believe this handsome black athlete was spending his party time in a closet with a crying wreck of a white girl. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and told him thank you for everything tonight. I left the closet to go find Tommy and eventually discovered he had left. This night was just getting better. My bf calls me a whore and then leaves me at a party with no ride. I was ready to go home but nobody else was leaving and I didnt want to make anyone else take me. After walking around for a bit I decided I just wanted to be alone and I would just go back to that closet and crash until morning. I went back upstairs and opened the closet door. When I did Marcus was still sitting in the floor. I looked at him confused and he smiled and looked up at me. I asked him laughing why he was still sitting in the closet alone. He smiled and told me that it still smelled like me and he liked the way I smelled. I cant describe what it was I felt but I just knelt down beside him, leaned in with my hand on his face and kissed him on the lips. I couldnt believe it as it was happening but I was kissing my first black guy. I had never had any desires to do this before but this guy was treating me how I wanted my boyfriend to treat me. I felt Marcus hands move to my waist as he pulled me away. He looked up and asked me why I did that. I told him because I wanted to and I leaned back in and kissed him again. He again broke my kiss. He smiled at me and gave me more compliments but told me that if I wasnt ready to sleep with my boyfriend then why was I coming on to him. His hands never left my hips as I could feel his fingers reluctantly squeezing my body. I smiled at him and told him that sex with Tommy is suppose to be meaningful. I wanted it to be special and important. He gave me a laugh and asked, “so whats sex with me suppose to be?”...After a brief pause and gave him a smile and said “fun?”.... Looking back I it doesnt make sense why you would have meaningless sex with a guy you dont really know but wont with your boyfriend but when your emotions are a wreck. You make decisions you could regret later on. This wasnt one of them.

Marcus pulled me on top of him as I positioned myself and straddled his lap. His hands explored my body as I kissed him almost lovingly. Each time his fingers found a new spot he would squeeze my body and I would moan into his mouth. My skirt was hiked up and bunched around my hips so I could straddle him. My thong still tucked tightly up my ass. His hands moved up to take my shirt. Breaking our kiss just long enough for my top to go over my head before our lips were together again. I was almost a C cup at 16 so I had a nice chest on me. As our kiss grew longer I felt his hands run slowly up my back and with ease my bra was unclasped. I had to laugh to myself in my head. All the boys that have struggled taking my bra off and this guy just did it with ease. Like he knew his way around the female body. 

He pushed me away a bit as my perky young breasts were freed. He leaned in with his mouth and began sucking gently on my nipples. His hands were all over my body and his mouth was sucking and licking on my nipples. He made them so hard and erect. I was getting so turned on. I looked down and saw his dark lips on my white breasts and a fire was turned on inside of me. Before switching to my other nipple I took the break to reach down and help him out of his shirt...oh my God this man was an adonis. He wasnt like overly huge and muscular but he was just toned and fit. He smiled at me as I ran my fingers over his chest and arms. He was such a specimen. My fingers traced along his body as they rippled over his abs. He laughed as I smiled and asked me what was wrong? I shook my head and told him I had never been with a boy like him before. He laughed and asked “you mean fit?” and I nodded replying “yes....and black”. I reached down and started to undo his belt and he grabbed my hands to stop me. I looked at him confused as he smiled and said “you first”. I quickly got to my feet, pushing my bunched up skirt down my legs. I could see his eyes all over me and they locked right to the lace of my thong. My fingers hooked the waist as I slowly pulled them down before stepping out of them. Standing naked in front of Marcus he took me in as he brought me back down on the floor with him. Laying me on my back as he moved to my feet, looking down at me smiling. I couldnt believe what I was doing but my legs parted for him, exposing myself t him. Sure I had sex before, 2 guys maybe 5 times total...but I still had a great looking tight little pussy. Not to brag but I knew what was between my legs was something special when I heard Marcus let out a sigh of pleasure. He started to lean down between my thighs but my hand stopped him. Not yet I told him as I raised up and my hands found his belt. Pulling it loose as I looked up at him smiling. A smirk on his face as he said “You really never been with a black guy?”.....I smiled shaking my head and told him no as I unfastened his jeans, unzipping the fly and slipping my hand inside. 

As soon as my fingers felt it my head snapped up and looked at him. “OH FUCK” I said as he started to laugh. I pulled and pulled until this thick piece of meat was hanging out of the fly of his jeans. I stared in awe at the size of this thing. Dont get me wrong, he wasnt a porn start but semi hard he was already bigger then all my boyfriends..including Tommy. What absolutely amazed me was the thickness of this thing. I wrapped my fingers around it to give it a gentle tug and my fingers wouldnt even touch. He worked his jeans off as he stayed on his knees. I completely forgot about him wanting to go down on me as I adjusted myself onto my hands and knees and leaned down and wrapped my lips around him. I felt his cock start to grow as my tongue made contact with it. His hand found its way to the back of my head. Pulling my dirty blonde hair back from my face as he let out a moan. My lips started moved up and down his long thick black cock. Each time I went down he would let out a moan. I had never given a blowjob with my eyes open before, I know that might sound strange however I couldnt not look and watch. I loved seeing my pink lips slide down his black shaft. Every time I watched it disappear into my mouth I could feel him throb as well as feel my panties soaking wet and clinging to me. My head bobbed slow...and then fast. Working as much of his cock as I could. Id twist my mouth around and get a glimpse of his big, low hanging balls. Ive always heard the racist terms describing black men. Greasy, smelly whatever....but none of them ever described this. This was heaven...this was DELICIOUS! I bobbed my head faster, making sure my tongue found that thick vein on his underside. I worked his cock lovingly. I could feel him throbbing inside my mouth. Each slurp made his swinging balls tighter and tighter. When his balls stopped swinging and hanging and that sack was nice and tight...I knew he was ready. My mouth slide up around the head as i sucked just the head nice and slow. I felt his fingers tightly grip on my head and heard him say I was about to make him cum. Without warning I felt that hot black shoot from his cock and onto the top of my mouth. Then another and another. His cock throbbed each time he shot a load into my mouth. My mouth quickly filled and I started swallowing his thick load. He was just like I imagined. His cum was delicious. He tasted amazing. Was his because he was black? Was it his diet? Who cares!?!  I wanted to feed from his love pipe for the rest of my life!

I finished him off, or so I thought in my mouth and raised up onto my knees with him. Smiling as I wiped his mouth getting his approval. I told him that was the most delicious blowjob Ive ever given. I told him I hated swallowing because it just taste so salty but he tasted so good. Thats when I realized I had ruined this whole thing. I made him cum and cum hard and a lot. I apologized telling him I was sorry. He was confused asking me what i was apologizing for. I said “I know you wanted to have sex with me but I made you cum”....he laughed and said “so?” I never had anyone cum before and could still keep going but before I could explain that I thought we were finished I looked down and his saliva shined black cock was still rock hard, sticking out towards me with a long string of cum dangling from the head. Seeing him ready for me again I felt like the odds were against me. You dont have a condom do you? I never bought condoms before. I always left it up for the guy but I dont think he was planning on having sex tonight. He shook his head and told me no, asking if he really needed one. I looked down at his cock. I had never been taken bareback before. Mainly because I wasnt on birth control but I wanted this. I shook my head no and began to turn around on my hands and knees. Positioning myself for him as I looked back over my shoulder and told him to not cum inside of me. He positioned himself behind me, smiling as he slapping his cock against my wet pussy lips. I waited for him to agree but he never did. Instead he slid his cock nice and slow into me. Parting my tight pussy lips his thick black cock suck into me like perfection. Its like his cock was perfectly sculpted to fit inside of my white pussy.

I felt his hand slide around my hips. His fingers hooked my hip bones as he began to pull me back to him while thrusting forward. My head sank into my hands as I leaned on my elbows. It was long before my moans were loudly filling the closet. Marcus wasnt like any other boy I had been with before. Not just physically either. Marcus knew what he was doing and my body responded. With each thrust, each squeeze. Everything he did my body reacted to. If there was a pace that needed to be set, he set it. If there was a spot that needed to be hit, he hit it. Before I knew it a screaming groan filled the closet as I exploded all over him. My God this guy made me cum in the matter of minutes. Im so use to the poor stroke game of white boys that I have to play with my clit and hope I get off before they do. Here I am cumming like never before on this black guys cock and he just tightens his grip and fucks me through it. One of his hands found its way to my long dirty blonde hair. Wrapping it around his fist as he pulled my head back and fucked me harder. “How do you like it?” he asked me. I told him I loved it...He smacked my ass hard and said “no, how do you like to be fucked?”.....I never had anyone ask me that before. Sex was always so vanilla and boring. Suck his dick till its hard, lay back, spread legs and lay there till he cums. His hand again came across my ass. He wanted an answer. The only thing I could think of was Tommy calling me a whore. I blurted back out to him, “fuck me like a whore” ....his hand again smacked my ass “fuck you like Tommys whore?” he asked...my pussy was throbbing I was going to cum again on his cock. “Im your whore...fuck me like Im your whore”

He pushed my head down into a pile of clothes in the floor. Forcing my back into the “perfect arch”...He held my head down and pounded my tight little pussy from behind until my legs started shaking and I exploded again cumming all over his cock. Squealing with pleasure, never having a 2nd orgasm before in my life. His cock just keep pumping my pussy. With each thrust I could feel my juices running down my thighs. i adjusted my head the best I could to look back under me and between my legs. My thighs were slick and shiny. Every time his cock thrust in you could see a stream of pussy juice run down my legs. My pussy had room for only one thing...Marcus. I watched in awe and ecstasy as his cock thrust in and out of my pussy. His balls slapping up onto my clit. He was easily twice the size of the two boys I had been with and I was able to take every inch of him. 

It wasnt long before I was cumming for a third time. I had never cum 3 times in a night...I dont think I had cum 3 times in 3 days before. He was fucking me like a whore and I was loving it. Ive never cum so hard. Im pretty sure I had to bring eyes back as they were starting to roll in the back of my head. When I looked down again I could see his balls tightening again. I could still taste him in my mouth. He heard me tell him to pull out right? He’s going to get close and pull out and cum in my mouth again and I can swallow it once more. I felt his fingers digging deeper into me. His strokes long, deep and powerful but slowing down. I look at his balls again and they’re not moving. His sack is hugging them tight and I look back over my shoulder and see him looking at me, he’s there....and he’s not leaving. I cant stop him...I wont stop him...I dont want him to stop. I look him in the eyes...he’s ready and I tell him “cum inside me!” The room is filled with his groan, quickly followed by my moans as I feel his big black cock exploding inside of me. I can feel spurt after spurt inside me. He buries himself as deep as he can, using me to drain his balls. There wont be a 3rd round. He’s emptying his sack inside me. Im taking every drop. He pulls back and gives a few more thrusts releasing the last few drops. Finishing himself off inside of me. 

I crash to the floor on my stomach. He falls on top of me. His cock buried in my pussy as we both pant heavily gasping for breaths. Im in heaven. For meaningless sex nothing has ever felt better physically or emotionally then this. I feel his cock slowly retracting from me until he slides out. I feel him gush out of me. I filled...Im filled full! Marcus pulls my hair to the side, kissing me behind the ear and says “you’ll take care of that right?” Take care of it I think to myself, Im 16...you just shot the biggest load in the history of mankind into my pussy. Im not on birth control. Im going to get pregnant...with a BLACK baby. My parents will disown me. My church isnt going to let me back in the doors...Im ruined!....but my body nor mouth can connect the thoughts in my head. I simply nod and moan out “yes” to him. He uses my thigh to clean his cock, stands up dressing himself leaning down kissing me on the back of the head one final time and leaves me laying in the middle of the closet floor. I wasnt committed to black men just yet. This was my first. Are they all like this? If so then Tommy was right. I am a whore. Im a whore for black men.

I fell asleep in the floor. I woke up a mess. Pulling my thighs apart looked like a grilled cheese made with swiss chees...how’s that for an image? I found a towel in the nearby bathroom and wiped myself as clean as possible. I still had 2 problem. I needed a ride home....and I needed to take care of what Marcus just did. I texted Tommy and apologized for our fight. I told him i was wrong and he was right. Maybe I was a whore but if I was going to sleep with my other boyfriends then I should sleep with him too. I knew this is what he wanted to hear. I told him I was still at the party and didnt have a way home. If he would come get me, he could have me. I asked how much money he had on him and he asked if I wanted him to stop and get condoms first. I told him no, I wanted him to enjoy me like he should have. I was going to take him bare and let him cum inside of me....only if he promised to get the morning after pill for me. Without hesitation, Tommy agreed. Tommy picked me up about 45mins later. We went back to his parents house (who were gone). I told him how horny I was as he wasted no time getting me into his bedroom. His dick was so hard I didnt need to give him a blowjob to get him ready. Once my clothes were off he was 5 inches into me pounding away. This wasnt exciting me at all. This was awful. If it wasnt for Marcus still inside of me, my pussy would be as dry as sand right not for Tommy...But he loved it. Less then 10mins Tommy was done. Laying on his back gasping mumbling about how great it was. It was hard to pretend to have enjoyed it but I put on a good act until I got him dressed again and out the door. Tommy took me to the pharmacy and paid for my morning after pill. He watched me take it saying “I dont want to get you pregnant”...I couldnt help but to reply “I dont want you to get me pregnant either”....he didnt get it obviously. 

I learned so much in that 24 hours. I discovered Tommy was a complete tool, black men are amazing in bed...or closet floors. I also learned that you can easily sucker a white boy into doing anything for you with the promise of pussy.

I broke up with Tommy 3 days later. Im 18 now and Ive yet to have sex with a white boy since that day. Believe me, you all will soon learn all about my adventures!

[saintkimora]

well here is how my past 3-5 dates w joel have gone this past week

so! ive been spending the night w him p much every other night. so our 4th date was like 8 days ago. i got there and i THOUGHT we were gonna be in his room again but we were in his room for 2 seconds then he came in like “oh btw my roommates are making us go in the living room and be social” so i was like ..................................................rip i was like here i go its time for the caleb and leeann applebees date 2.0 :/ so we went in to the living room and it was with marissa and lindsey bc his other roommate was out. so everyone was like wtf are we gonna do so after some talking joel decided we would all watch the babadook on netflix since we were talking about the meme and most of us hadnt seen it. i hate scary movies but i figured i could get through it since i had joel to hold on to and since the babadook is like a meme now. so yeah it was fine i got along ok w the roommates and the movie wasnt that scary except for one part. there was one point where i felt like i was starting to shut down a little and i was feeling bad about possibly ruining things again but i asked joel afterwards and he didnt even notice lmao so i dont think it was as bad as i thought

lindsey went to bed halfway through the movie so it was just me joel and marissa by the end. after the movie marissa went into her room and joel and i went back to his room. idk if this next part happened at this point or if it happened on our next date bc its hard for me to keep the timeline straight since it all happens so fast lol so regardless of what day it was this was the next significant thing that happened w me and joel

so i was watching him play overwatch or something and his brother called him on the phone and they had a long conversation about joels financial situation while i was just sitting there lol. so afterwards joel put his head in my lap and explained all his problems to me about how hes so stressed out with money and stuff. and like obv i felt really bad for him bc that sucks. BUT i actually kinda liked it bc i liked how vulnerable and genuine he was being! it made me feel a lot closer to him. then we watched these olds 80s (?) game shows w his head still in my lap (one of them was like some knockoff of snatch game but w regular celebrities instead of drag queens omg) and he had the FUNNIEST commentary about all the old commercials and stuff lol i havent laughed that hard in a LONG time so it was really nice

and idk if this happened that night or the babadook night but i ate his ass again and once again it was a religious experience like his ass is SOOOOOOOO nice i still cant get over it lmao

so then fast forward to the next 2 days later and for whatever reason joel and i werent planning on meeting that night. but he texted me at like 2am telling me he was feeling kinda down about things and how he wished i was there w him rn so i decided to go visit him! and like he kept being like “i dont wanna bother you/i feel bad about always making you come all the way out here for me” and how he wasnt used to guys putting in so much effort and caring about him so much and like...it really wasnt that serious like it wasnt a hindrance to me at all bc i wanted to see him anyways lol but it did make me feel kinda bad for him bc like his old bfs must have been real flops for him to view me just doing decent bf things as like these grand gestures. i have more to say on this but it will be towards the end of the post

so yeah i showered and got there by like 3am. he set up his futon since it was bigger than his bed so we would have more room. and he talked to me about how stressed he was about money and medical school applications and how he felt kinda worthless so i listened to him and comforted him and all that stuff. then we watched the rpdr reunion together and it was SO much fun omg he was shook p much the whole time since it was so iconic. then we went to sleep since i had work in the morning

also like the night after that we were texting and i told him i was really tired and he was like but youre never tired and i was like ya but i had 2 full days of work and i barely got any sleep last night (which was bc i was awake w him until like 5am) and i realized afterwards that it was kinda mean of me to say it bc to me i was just explaining why i was tired but he was already feeling like a burden making me drive all the way there and comfort him so telling him how tired i was probably made him feel bad about asking me for comfort which is NOT how i want him to feel bc i want him to be able to request my help whenever he needs it. so i could tell he was kinda caught off guard by me saying it so i called him and apologized and we cleared it all up. anyways it was just nice to actually call him and discuss the issue and resolve it without any drama. and he said it meant a lot that i even called him to make sure he was feeling ok so it seems that at least i did something right 

there was the next date which was pretty much the same as usual. this time i watched him play diablo 3. but this time we also fooled around and he made me cum and then i was trying to make him cum but i fell asleep bc i was so tired asfnkjashdasna i felt SOOOOOOOOO bad when i woke up that morning :( i apologized and he said it was fine and he was tired too but i still felt bad about it

so then last night/this morning was our most recent date. when i got there a friend of him/his roommates named chris was using his room bc he was playing overwatch so i had to hang out w joel marissa and lindsey in the living room. it was extremely nerve wracking and i was sweating like crazy but i tried to hide my nervousness and socialize. lindsey and marissa seem to like me esp bc i brought joel a gift that day (hes like obsessed w friends and i saw a friends t shirt when i was shopping that day so i got it for him lol) also lindsey is iconic bc she is so wacky shes always getting on the floor and doing weird poses and moves and stunts. and marissa is p funny so i like them both. but still having to talk to them was stressful even though theyre both really nice. lindsey walked into joels room later that night when he was laying down and i was sitting on top of him and said she wanted to join and then later when joel was in the kitchen she came in the doorway and asked if i could be her boyfriend asfjkafndsjnkajs now THIS is a cracked queen

so the rest of the night was nice! we watched like 3 drag race s5 eps on amazon video and we did lots of cuddling and stuff as usual. then we went to bed and we woke up and we fooled around and we BOTH came this time. it was difficult for me trying to get him to cum but i had to power through it bc i had to redeem myself after last time. then i watched him play overwatch and then i watched him play destiny. i really enjoyed it! like i was sitting there cuddling a cute guy and watching him play videogames w both of us shirtless like that is literally all i want and i finally have it!

so yeah! its going really well w joel at the moment. we get along really well and i like his sense of humor and its nice having someone w similar interests to mine! and i love playing w his hair and touching his nice soft belly and his thick thighs and playing w his beard. and i looooooooooooooooooooovvvveeeeeee his voice so much omg the way he says certain words is so cute and hes always making cute weird noises and its super endearing. and i LOVE love love being able to cuddle w someone until we both fall asleep and then waking up together! its so nice 

he doesnt seem to be losing interest in me yet which is good. however this is the issue that i mentioned earlier that i would come back to. so hes constantly telling me about how hes not used to being w someone that puts in so much effort and treats him so well. so that got me thinking. like...obv he likes me at least a little but i have a feeling he might like me a lot more rn bc he isnt used to being treated so nicely. so like, after the initial novelty of being treated like this wears off im afraid he’ll realize he doesnt actually like me that much (like if it ends up being more of a he likes the way i make him feel more than he actually likes me as a person). so im kinda worried about that but im hoping it doesnt happen obv and that he continues to like me. and again. we’ve been in somewhat social situations together now since i had to talk to his 2 roommates but it really wasnt easy for me at all. and we still havent actually gone “out” and done something, like going out to eat or attending a function together or something. so i still have to wait and see how we’re able to interact in those situations before i can determine whether our relationship will work out. im also still too nervous to eat in front of him so whenever he asks if im hungry i lie and say no even though majority of the time i am actually really hungry :/ rip

so yeah thats p much it! its pretty nice atm, except for the issues i just mentioned. also last night joel told me that one of his hookup buddies was back in town the other day and texted him but he had to turn him down and tell him that he is with someone now (me) so that was nice to know! since he seems to view us as exclusive now. we still havent officially decided we are in a relationship but im really in no rush to do that since its only been like a week and a half so i want to continue getting to know him and stuff. i still do feel that he is gonna lose interest at some point but rn it seems that will be later rather than sooner so i am just trying to take it day by day. im also worried about greece since ill be gone for a month so it is very possible that he might meet someone else that he likes more during that time which would really suck. but im kinda just operating on the assumption that its what is gonna happen that way if it does happen i wont be too shocked and if it doesnt happen ill be pleasantly surprised

so yeah thats it, overall its going really well and im having a lot of fun with him! hopefully things continue on this path and we get even closer bc i really like him so far

[tmblogs]

March 7, 2017

So I was really fucking tired today, because i was texting anna till like two, and so that was really hard, but whatever. I spilled a bunch of fucking soup on my phone so it kind of broke, because an onion somehow got into the charging port. But i eventually got it to work, and charged it in boogaard. Life feels really easy and stress free right now. Something about being with anna makes me so preoccupied with her everything else seems small in comparison, which is probably bad because I actually have to do some shit. Preformed a lab in chem today, and went down to visit anna and david and maggie. And maggie was ranting about something but i couldnt stay for that long. I also missed david's opening up about his relationship, but i bet it was depressing as fuck man. Quickly did some math with clare in lunch after wards, and then I got really kind of indifferent to the world for a couple hours actually, and I don't know why. But i just put my headphones in and blasted flourish of a spoil for the fiftieth time. English was easy enough, but i submitted that piece of writing about anna like a month ago to synapse not expecting her to ever read it or know about it. So i have to tell mr. Scors to withdraw that, because i kind of started dating the girl it is about. Also i dont think she'd want it in the magazine and i dont really want it in there either anymore. But fast forwarding to 8th period, me amy, and maggie went and got a burrito for amy at animo, which was wierd, because let me tell you I am a pure child so leaving the school was wierd for me. I don't have open campus and all so it was breaking the rules, and that is not good, but whatever it was fun, and worth it I liked it. We went back to the library, and afterwards i didnt know if I should have waited for anna or not. I mean her class is right out side the library, and maggie waited for her so I probably should have too, but now that I told anna that thing about jason it feels akward being around both of them at the same time for some reason, although i have no reason to be jealous idk. Stage crew was stage crew, but before that I consumed a pint of icecream, and got in a couple games of overwatch. But at crew i got around to looking at the rest of anna's secret finsta. I mean I don't really know how to feel about it, i kind of have come to terms, and I mean I understand that Colin was a big part of her life, and they loved each other, and she isnt just gonna forget that so, i just have to you know mentally stabalize myself with that in mind, and help her with that if she ever needs help as painful as it might be for me, and what the fuck is amy doing? Ok so then anna went on to explain all the shit amy has been pulling and it fucking pisses me off. I dont fucking like you like that I am sorry, but get over it focus on your boyfriend and stop taking it out on anna like she doesnt deserve that shit, you deserve that shit. Obviously anna doesnt want me to do anything which is understandable, but i kind of want to confront her about it. Anna said she would though, but idk how that's gonna go, or if she will even really do that. I just want anna to be happy, and this is really fucking with her, and it pisses me off. But back to stage crew, i acted wierd around amy the first time I saw her but soon i just sunk back into the normal way i'd treat her, but she was acting different in the begining to so... idk what that was about, maybe it was just me making something out of nothing, but that doesn't usually happen with me except when trying to pinpoint if someone is gay or not. I am usually good at reading people, and she was acting nervous around me and kind of stayed away but radiated to me when I welcomed it like she felt akward around me but wanted to talk to me. Idk i feel like she might still have feelings for me because it def. wasn't a normal way to act. Also it has been so long so really she should have gotten over me by now if she really does have some feelings for me, and also she has a fucking boyfriend so idk what is happening with her. I have been having fun with josh just fucking each other up. I mean i dont have a lot of guy friends and it's not like I am gonna go beat up sean or david so being able to beat up on him and have him do it back is really nice, because I dont get that kind of physical contact. Idk what the fuck to do about maura. There is just like a mutual respect we have for each other now, we enjoy each others company but we've been through so much we are content with just being silent with each other and just knowing although we dont say it that we love each other, idk but she doesnt want to drive me anywhere, and idk she'd rather have sean in her car, and she fucking hates sean so just another instance of her making me feel fucking worthless, but alexis drove me and leah, and we went to chick fila again for the fifth time in my life, who would have guessed id go to chick fila so many times, i thought i'd never step foot in that disgusting "restaurant" if you can even call it that, but i had to do it for anna and then once I was in it was like ok ive been in once it's not gonna kill me, but i was dropped off again by alexis, not maura, and me and anna had a really nice talk and it made me very happy very very happy, and now it is 1:58 in the morning so I have to sleep so I will be able to function tomorrow

[thefemaleexperience]

answering one of those lists of questions we use to do back in 2010

if you could pierce somewhere other than your ears, where would it be? - I would like to have my nose pierced again

what are your feelings on bangs? - i love bangs and thye really suit me, though they do make me look about 8 years younger and i hate growing them out

what is your favorite blanket material? - cashmere

if you had to be sent up into space or into the depths of the ocean, where would you choose? - hm deep ocean because it really terrifies me are you afraid of death? why or why not? - no. I’m afraid of pain and terrible accidents, but the idea of actually being dead doesnt bother me what astrological sign do you think you should be? - taurus or gemini who is the worst person you have ever dated? - every one is a complex set of flaws and traits and their personality is built upon their experiences and everything that has ever happened to them, and remembering that reminds you that the way people act isnt about you personally and no-one is “bad” if you could remake one movie the way you think it should’ve been made, which movie would you choose? - The Hobbit what is a custom/activity/experience/etc from another culture that you wish would be in your culture? - last year I attended the final 2 weeks of a Yolngu (Aboriginal group from far north Australia) funeral, and the openness of grieving was really full on. it has really changed my relationship with grieving if you could choose where you were born, where would you want it to be? hm it wouldnt matter to me *where* i was born, but i wish i’d grown up somewhere where being bi.multi-lingual is the norm if someone told you they could tell you the truth about god/religion/higher powers/the universe/the meaning of life/what happens after death, would you want to know? I dont think there is a meaning to life, i dont think anything happens after death, I dont know if these are questions I have? but i guess yeah im too nosy to ever turn down the hot goss what is your favorite part of your nighttime routine? sleep doesn’t count. I use to drink this lovely lavender herbal tea every night and im just starting to drink it again what is your favorite form of exercise? I use to love running. i would run 10+ Kms on the treadmill every evening, but both my knees are fucked and i can barely jog anymore. so i guess just hiking / walking in nature

what is one current trend that you hate? cancel culture? idk. so many things annoy me...so i just dont surround myself with them. if theyre bringing other people joy who cares.  what is a trend that died that you would bring back? perms what era of fashion do you wish to bring back? 90s “tomboy” style for young girls! i love flares and 70s flowy fashion too im big on period-drama costumes  what is one movie or tv show that everyone loves that you hate? i dont like “gross” animation did you have a teacher growing up that helped you through a difficult time? who were they? A handful. My literature teacher Mrs. Campbell stand out think of a paper you have written sometime in your education. what was the topic? It’s all i do haha mostly about rethinking Aboriginal Studies and approaches to Indigenous education do you believe in universal healthcare? discuss. is that liek australia’s health care? like yes? when americans talk about how much a trip to the drs or a medical procedure cost that you would just die without????? what is one song that makes you feel like love is real? landslide - fleetwood mac what is one song that makes you feel like you’re dancing in a meadow with the sun shining on your skin? california - joni mitchell what is one song that makes you believe that things will get better? california - joni mitchell haha have you met any celebrities? if so, who? lots but whatever you’re being forced to move out of your country. you must choose another one to move to, and you may never leave it, even for vacation. what country do you choose? bonus points if you answer the city. most of my overseas trips have been fairly short holidays so i have no idea about the practicalities of lving in them / cost of living / laws etc. so this is hard but probably America, in either oregon or montana do you believe in the death penalty? discuss. no. what do you think happens after you die? your body returns to the worms. name someone you love. Geordie. name someone you like, but don’t necessarily love. Oliver. how many soulmates do you think a person has? more than 1 is love always worth it? discuss. love is good but we dont need romantic relationships to be fullfilled. love is everywhere pick up your phone. look at the text you sent closest to an hour ago. what was it? ”seems like a scam” do you believe in magical beings? discuss. no what time of the day do you feel most at peace with yourself? outdoors at 2pm what is an impulsive decision you have made that you don’t regret? to drive to Alice Springs when i was inbetween houses in 2018 if you were given the opportunity to completely start your life over from the beginning with everything prior and up until your birth remaining the same, would you? yeah. not because i regret things, it would jsut be fascinating to see the tiny miniscule things that would change things. i think about the tiny spur of the moment thigns i did when i was 12 that impacted friendships i would make and schools i would go to and how my life is still interconnected with people i met one time 15 years ago how do you feel about greek life in colleges? seems weird, culty and toxic. people say there are positives, but they dont seem to outweigh the bad in my eyes. but i dont think we really have that her in australia what is an aspect or event in history that you were obsessed with as a child? ancient egypt lol describe your ideal town to live in. I would love to move to Alice Springs. A commune is the dream what age are you scared to be? alternatively, what age were you most scared to be in the past? im truely so psyched to turn 30. do you have a secret you want to share? be as vague or specific as you want. get it out. if you want. I only have one big secret that no-body knows. do billionaires work harder than other people? discuss. fetch the guillitine  what is your favorite hairstyle for yourself? i think my mid length hairstyle of 2017 was v nice. thats when my hair naturally curls the most what is your favorite memory from being 13 years old? dear god what is a movie that shaped who you were as a person at a young age? Into the wild lol which us state would you erase if you could? not from the US so this doesnt mean anthing to me lol what is a skill you theoretically want to learn but probably never will? to be a mechanic what is an obscure language you want to speak? it’s not “obscure” but i guess only a relative small number of people speak Yolngu Matha and i would like to be fluent what is a place you choose not to go to anymore? why? lmao i avoid the northland coles (supermarket) because a dude i dated shops there and i ran into him once after id decided i didnt want to see him anymore and it was cooked do you think you’re living a fake life/putting on a facade/lying to people about who you really are? why or why not? i perpetually feel like im waiting to live the lfie i want to what is the color that defines your life?  burnt orange you have the opportunity to go to an exclusive celebrity event. which one is it? (award shows, premieres, parties, etc) i cant think of one? you can bring back one person from the dead, but you must choose someone to die in their place. who are the two people you are choosing? I would bring back Andrea Dworkin i dont know who i would kill off instead. what is your favorite fun fact that people don’t really know? idk if people dont know this but i guess it might be australia specifc But dingoes have special jointed wrists that are way different to dogs, and they can hold things, climb and open doors. pick up the nearest reading material to you (book/magazine/paper/etc). what is the first line of that reading material? lmao HOMER / The Odyssey is on my bedside table but im nto moving   if you had to choose a sport to play professionally, which one would you choose? soccer? what do you do to unwind/cool down when you’re upset? a hot hot hot bath by candle light listening to neil young what is the color scheme of your favorite sunrise or sunset? pink purple what is a beauty product you swear by? i dont wear make up but i guess eyebrow gel is cool how do you feel about plastic surgery? discuss. i hate our culture of uncritical support for it. i think the prominence of it is relly cooked. i hate that people treat it like minor / low risk when its very serious.  if you could get plastic surgery, would you? what would you change? a breast reduction cotton balls or cotton rounds? ??? what is your favorite animal product? i dont know what this means lol if you had to attend school in another country, which country would you choose? France? what will be/was the color scheme of your wedding? marriage is bad but i guess native australian flora is there something you have a really strong opinion about for basically no reason? what is it? i have basically no opinion on everything who is a person you would fight to the death for under any circumstances? no-one what would you do if you were in the hunger games? be honest. terrible? what time do you think everyone should wake up? getting into your circadian rhythm is so goooooood what is your favorite type of nut? if you’re allergic to nuts, sorry. hmm im obsessed with peanut butter but i dont really care for peanuts. i love brazel nuts what is your favorite part of your hometown? . . . uh the meth or the class gap or the conservative rural values / politics or ??? you must get rid of one of your electronic items. you have no choice. which one do you sacrifice? phone what is the first memory you have of oppression/discrimination? it doesn’t have to be about yourself. being like pre-school aged and being aware of my black cousins being spereated from their parents name 3 books you were forced to read in school. DH Lawrence novellas, which i loved No Sugar, everyone should read this The crucible, urhg so good how do you keep track of events/deadlines? calendar? agenda? your brain? having like 20 planners what is the first book that made you cry that comes to mind? i dont remember crying in a book if you had to give a seminar about something, what would it be about? abortion laws and access in rural australia how do you feel about your mother? she is good and complicated and intelligent and funny is makeup an art form? discuss. no what kind of videos do you primarily watch on youtube? ill just list my most viewed channels Daisy Lola Sarah Therese Unnatural Vegan what is the scent of your deodorant? i dont wear deoderant at what age do you hope you die? whenever

[myheart-elsewhere]

im bored pt3 || 11/22/17

1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? lick

2. What is home to you? i havent yet figured that out

3. What was the last lie you told? that i was doing great lol

4. Does everyone deserve the truth? for the most part

5. What is the creepiest toy ever made? there are hella creepy toys tbh

6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. most the shit i do is unacceptable but its whatever.

7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn’t mix them up.)  1: using a cell phone bc it can be hard to teach adults how to use them lol. 2: seeing a color vs describing it

8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? probably in school idk

9. How many all nighters have you pulled? over 15..

10. If humans didn’t evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? talking excitedly about what made us happy

11. How many romantic “things” or “flings” have you had? depends on how serious you mean, so between 2 and 5.

12. What is your paradise? lisetning to music

13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) i like the sound of nails tapping on something

14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? hopefully none

15. What is the most important thing about electronics? you can stay in touch with loved ones. 

16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? oh jesus here we go. first off, yes- i care about quite a few celebrities. they can make us feel a happiness like no other. if you’re having a bad day, all you need is to hear their voice and the pain goes away. they speak on things that are important and meaningful. they can be our inspirations and role models. when they have a new interview, song (or movie or something else.. whatever your favorite celebrity does) it always gives us something to look forward to. they make you feel less alone. they make you feel loved. i could keep going on but i have 134 more questions..

17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? make plans then cancel last minute.

18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? at times, but rarely. pros: it helps get your point across. cons: it can be annoying idk

19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? guitar and piano

20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? if im wearing makeup, yes. i dont have a good reason except that i like my makeup lol

21. List 3 things you like about yourself? im loving, forgiving, and supportive.

22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? “be yourself”

23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? currently, probably not.. im basically still a child myself.

24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? listen to 5h

25. When was the last time you felt awkward? today at work

26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? i can be both depending on the situation or social setting

27. What constitutes a good friend? them being there for you when you need them, being supportive in everything you do, and loving you unconditionally.

28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? my one best friend. i miss her.

29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? “do your homework.”

30. What is your dream job? movie director

31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? hardworking bc at least you’re trying.

32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe? some people are shocked that im gay

33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? why men can treat girls like items and/or their property and just throw them away when theyre done..

34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? hm idk

35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. theres been a few but the first one who comes to mind is this girl who talked about herself 24/7 and didnt care about anyone except for herself.

36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don’t know. You can’t switch back. What do you do? try to figure out life and probably cry lol

37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? can i do both?

38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? school doesnt teach important classes lmfao

39. Name the last book you read. “trials and tribulations” 

40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? i would feel empty..

41. When was the last time you made the first move? about a month in a half ago

42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? i love it

43. What was the last movie you watched? i dont remember bc i rarely watch movies

44. Do you like and appreciate your life? sometimes

45. Do you like and appreciate yourself? sometimes

46. When was the last time you cried? last night

47. What are you scared of? mostly irrational things

48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? let’s not talk about that lol

49. What are some of your hobbies? reading, listening to music, doing my makeup, social media, and fangirling lol

50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make? idk bc im stupid and dont understand what superficial means lol

51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? i think im a good friend bc i always put others before myself and i do anything and everything i can to make them happy. and im always there for them.

52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? sometimes

53. What have you learned the hard way? how to lose someone you love

54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? not rely on others to be your happiness

55. Which medium do you use for expressing your artistic emotions? (Singing, writing, etc.) writing for sure

56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? both

57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done? smart moments are rare for me

58. What is your ideal meal? steak and potatoes mmmmm

59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? be on their phone

60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? i love animals, specifially dogs

61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? stealing 

62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? si

63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? youtube

64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? supermario lol

65. What is your opinion on beauty in today’s society? everyone views it differently. in my personal opinion, ever since the word “thick” got popular around 2 years ago, more people are apprecating that and not focusing on being “super model thin” which i think is great.

66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? hell nah. if i have school, around 6am. if i dont have school, around 10am

67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? HERCULES!!!!!! meg

68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? def city

69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? either or

70. What are the best things about winter? COOL WEATHER

71. What scares you most about the future? idk what it holds

72. What makes you feel old? when i realize HSM came out over 10 years ago.

73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? too many

74. What are some of your New Year’s resolutions? havent even thought about it bc they never happen lol

75. What is your life story in 6 words? i am really really gay bro

76. Describe yourself in one word. fangirl

77. What bad habits do you do? give out too many chances

78. What genre of music do you listen to? mostly pop, but i listen to a lot of different genres

79. Most prominent childhood memory? getting doughnuts with my dad every saturday mornning

80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don’t, how would this change your life? i have a brother who is 20 years older than me. he lived in ohio and right after i was born my parents and i moved to florida. i only get to see him like once a year. it’s really sad. i think of him more as a distant uncle than a brother. but he always has done everything he can to make me happy and i appreciate that so much.

81. Spirit animal? jaguar

82. Do you believe in horoscopes? not really

83. What is the worst advice you’ve ever been given? ive been given so much bad advice i cant pick one specific thing lol

84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. my best friend liv, my aunt lori, and lauren jauregui

85. Favorite memory of your family. being in ohio this past summer staying up til 2am with my parents, my brother and his fiance just telling stories and laughing our asses off.

86. What do you look for in a relationship? affection

87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? yes, lauren jauregui. i love everything she stands for.

88. What is your opinion on social media? i love it. it’s what keeps you close with family/friends who live in different states or countries for that matter.

89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? both, but im mostly optimisitic.. well i try to be at least

90. List some things that you think are overpriced? CONCERT TICKETS

91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? getting lost outside in the middle of n where after jingle ball 2015

92. What superpower would ruin the world? reading peoples minds tbh

93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? smoke

94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? i cant think of any rn

95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? ohio to see my family

96. How do you approach people? i.. just.. do..

97. What is your opinion on first impressions? sometimes they change

98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? bite my nails

99. What languages can you speak? english and quite a bit of spanish

100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? who knows

101. What do you do on your lazy days? lay in my pjs, play on my phone and listen to music

102. What ended your last relationship? it wasnt an actual relationship, but she couldnt make up her goddamn mind and she wanted to be a fuckgirl

103. Favorite food? sushi and steak

104. What is the most terrifying dream you’ve ever had? oooo lets not talk about that..

105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? 3 days  ago

106. What was the last friendship you broke? one of my “best friends” bc she didnt like that i was friends with someone she didnt like

107. Do you have any pet peeves? people chewing with their mouth open

108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? my papa

109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? last week

110. What part of your personality do you want to change? that i procrasinate everything

111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? lauren jauregui

112. What is your biggest motivation? my best friend

113. What did you want to be when you were little? a veternarian lol

114. What are some things that you are good at? makeup

115. What is one thing you want to be good at? singing lol

116. What distracts you the most, especially when you’re trying to work? probably my phone although i don’t want to admit it lol

117. How important is privacy to you? pretty important.. but it depends on who we want privacy from

118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? everyone being nice to each other

119. What’s the craziest lie you’ve ever told? i trust no one so that stays to myself for my own well-being

120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? i dont go to parties

121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? show off on a skateboard lmao

122. What is the stupidest thing you’ve done to impress someone? told them i have a pt cruiser but thats not even a nice car lmao

123. What is your morning routine? on a typical school day: wake up, check my phone, do my hair/makeup, get dressed, eat then leave.

124. What’s the last thing you did that is worth remembering? made a good sale at work today and it was my first day of my first job.

125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? both but mostly help me.

126. What is your opinion on playing “hard to get?” its stupid

127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? pros: you dont have to be afriad of not being honest. cons: it could make someone really mad at you.

128. What do you consider “leading” someone on? telling them you like them and consistenly flirting with them.

129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? both

130. What do you admire most about your friends? they try to make me happy

131. What do you admire most about your family? they want the best for me

132. What is your opinion on “going with the flow?” ehh stand out, be different

133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? i enjoy talking, but i almost always listen

134. When is it time to end a friendship? when they become a selfish little bitch

135. What is the worst excuse you’ve ever come up with? the excuses i make up to get out of going to school

136. If GPA didn’t matter, what courses would you have taken? idk im not interested in school

137. What are your favorite baby names? paris

138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? few days ago

139. What instantly ruins a conversation? checking your phone

140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. turn ons: confidence (but not cockiness), being outgoing, being able to have a conversation, and a good fashion sense (fashion sense in my opinion haha). cons: ooo being conceited and only talking about yourself.

141. Biggest disappointment. me lmao

142. Do you have any self-restraint? i do.

143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? last week

144. Prized possession(s)? honestly, my phone. and a bracelet my best friend gave me,

145. What is your opinion on second chances? most people deserve it.

146. Text or call? depends on the person tbh

147. What do you like about the 21st century? it has social media

148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? stay strong, babygirl. youre gonna go through a lot in the next 5 years, but you need to be strong and know you will fight through it all and come out stronger than you were before. nothing is what it seems. nothing lasts forever. expect the least and you’ll get the best. and remember, a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

149. How organized are you? too organized. 

150. Favorite mode of transportation. car