#probably could’ve done something better with the background to fit more in line with the setting but like

[energysynergymatrix]

Forget haircuts or tearing out my nails. I'd cut off my pinky, as proof my love won't change.

[cursedwriter]

Cursed! Part 2 - Gojo Satoru

Part One // Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist 

Synopsis:  After running some errands you’re caught off guard by a curse user. Unbeknownst to you, he has something up his sleeve that would mean a fate worse than death to you. How will you get out of this? And what role does your boyfriend - the Satoru Gojo - play in all of this?

Warning: Slight spoilers concerning Gojo’s technique, I gues... but it’s also mixed with a lot of my own bullshit, so it fits the story. Keep that in mind, please. I’m not trying to be one hundred percent accurate. 

Words: 1.4k

Author’s Note: Thanks for all the feedback! I decided to release shorter chapters, so I can update the story more frequently. Hope this keeps you on your toes! Let me know what you think! 

“Wait a second.” Gojo held his finger up to signal Ichiji to shut up for a bit. He was rambling on about that under no circumstances he was to be late again or the principal might actually kill him this time. He heard that speech about a million times already and after so long, it kind of lost its threat. Not that he ever really felt threatened by it anyway. What could he do, after all? Throw an army of puppets in Gojo’s face? Right… Except the dolls did kind of creep him out. Well, no matter. The fact remained that he didn’t really care either way. The only thing or the only one to be exact he cared about was not with him right now, but calling him on his phone. He’d drop everything to hear your voice, no matter the consequences. “Miss me already?” Satoru laughed as he picked up the call, though, it was him who already missed you. He wouldn’t dare to admit that, though. “That was quick. You weren’t even gone for two hours.”

“Oh, he picked up.” Gojo’s eyes narrowed. Instead of hearing your melodic voice on the other side of the phone, he was met with the one of a stranger. He was momentarily dumbfounded – which didn’t happen often – and he didn’t immediately follow up with a quick and witty retort. The man on the other side took this as an invitation to speak again. “Gojo Satoru, I believe I have something of yours in my possession. Please be so kind and pick it up, okay? She really can’t wait to see you.”

Before he could say something, the call ended. It took him a while after that to lower his phone, deep worry lines edging themselves into his forehead as he tried to make sense of what just happened.

“Everything alright?” Ichiji asked and brought him back to reality.

“Stop the car,” Gojo commanded. His tone left no room for interpretation: he was pissed. So pissed, in fact, Ichiji was sure there was smoke coming out of his ears. He immediately pressed down on the brakes, not willing to stand between Gojo Satoru and his wrath. That was a sure death sentence. Whoever had been on the call, must’ve really set him off in the wrong way. What a fool!

“What – what about the – the meeting?” Ichiji stammered as Gojo yanked the door open and got out of the car.

Before closing the door again, he leaned down slightly to look at Ichiji, mouth pressed into a thin line, eyes hidden behind his usual black blindfold. “I don’t care about the damn meeting. Send the principal my regards, I won’t be coming! If he has a problem with that, he can take it up with me later!” He slammed the door shut and Ichiji accelerated the car almost immediately after. Despite not being sure what just happened and why his demeanor did a full one eighty in a second, Ichiji knew one thing and one thing only, he needed to get away as fast as possible. A pissed off Gojo Satoru was no laughing matter. Whoever angered him had one hell of a storm coming for them.

Gojo bit the inside of his cheek as he watched Ichiji drive off into the distance. What the hell was that call all about? It was apparent that you were in trouble, but they didn’t even give him a location or anything. What’s up with that whole thing anyway? A hostage situation to get to him? Highly likely, but still… a lot of questions remained. How did you even get caught? You were a special grade sorcerer, no low level could’ve done this. Maybe this guy had an especially tricky technique… And what did he want with him? A curse user who wanted to make a name of himself by defeating the great Gojo Satoru? Or was it something different entirely?

Gojo scoffed. This sucked! So many questions were bouncing around in his head and no answers in sight. Where was he even supposed to start looking? He scratched his head in order to remember what you’d told him about your plans this evening. You had wanted to run some errands, but you were so cryptic about it that he never really got a straight answer. He believed that you wanted to buy him a gift or something – his birthday was coming up after all - and didn’t press on further. Now, he really regretted that.

“This was exactly what I was afraid of!” he mumbled, fingers wrapping around his phone in a deathly grip and right before he was on the verge of breaking the device, he got a notification. Your name lit up his screen and he almost sighed in relief, thinking this was probably just a stupid prank and you finally wanted to come clean… but when he clicked on your message, his blood froze momentarily. There was a picture of you attached, standing stiffly like a statue. He couldn’t see your eyes, because they were hidden behind a blindfold. From the background it looked like you were standing in a park and upon zooming in on the picture he immediately recognized the pond in the upper left corner.

[7.33 pm] Y/N: You better hurry xoxo

At this point, he wasn’t just pissed off. No. He was seething. Blood boiling in his veins with hot rage, he was afraid he could explode. Whoever did this, would pay dearly. Preferably with their life.

Not wasting any more time, Gojo warped himself to the location, appearing in front of the culprit and you in mere seconds, materializing out of thin air.

“Ah, there he is!” A man with a scar on his cheek appeared from behind you, clapping his hands together in delight. “For a second I was afraid you might not show up. That you actually didn’t really care about her.” He laid one hand on your shoulder and Gojo wanted to eliminate him right then and there but you’d be in his immediate line of power, so all he could do was stand there and listen to this psycho. He guessed that he knew that Gojo couldn’t do anything for as long as he stayed close to you.

“What the hell do you want?” Gojo asked through clenched teeth. “Do you have a death wish? I can help with that.” His voice was dripping with malicious intent; one could almost taste the blood lust in the air. Gojo reached for his mask, tearing it off his eyes. Immediately his senses were flooded with all kinds of information about his cursed energy and technique. Gojo hissed. That bastard! Mind manipulation. It was a rare technique and a real pain in the ass when you were at the receiving end. Good thing, it didn’t work on him. His cursed energy barrier protected him from mind tricks like these.

“What did you do to her?”

“Ah, right. You already know everything there is to know about me and my technique.” The guy smiled mischievously, perverse glee shining in his eyes. Gosh, did he have to be any more annoying? “Good, saves me time explaining. Sadly, I can’t stick around for the grand finale. You’d just kill me, right? So you understand that our ways part here.” Seriously what was with this guy? “Well, Y/N, dear?” Gojo took a step forward upon hearing him say your name. It made him sick. If he just moved one step to the right he could blast him into oblivion and be done with it! So move, bastard. Move! “You know the plan?” You nodded.

Immediately you lifted two fingers up in the air. “Emerge from darkness, blacker than darkness, purify that which is impure,” you said. And while Gojo was relieved to hear your voice, he didn’t like the sight of the veil coming down from above.

“Now, then,” the guy ripped your blindfold off. Your eyes flitted over the area, taking in your surroundings until finally they settled on him. He tried to smile, reassure you that everything would turn out okay. Your mouth was pressed into a thin line and your eyes had lost their usual glimmer. All that remained was a blank expression.

Suddenly your eyes opened wide, as if something within you had woken up. Something that wasn’t there before. Tears were streaming down your face immediately after and a raspy scream ripped through your throat. “No! Gojo, run! Run!”

What the hell?

But you already knew it was too late. The veil was almost completely down now. This would be the place in which one of you would find their end. You hoped with all your heart it wouldn’t be him.

The guy whose name you never knew laughed in the distance. The sound sending chills down your spine, not fitting the situation in the slightest. “At last! The grand finale, ladies and gentlemen!”

***

Part Three

[wexhappyxfew]

The Nightingales of Fortune Favors the Brave

A Band of Brothers Fanfic Coming Fall 2021 (or presumably whenever Landslide finishes up!) 

HELLO!! If you’re reading this, then as you can see, I���ve finally created a master post with all my Nightingales (well, not really mine THE PUBLIC’S but you’ve all gifted them to me ever so graciously, and it honestly, it means the world to me). Just to see the excitement and reception I’ve gotten from so many people in the fandom involving a female group of Pathfinders - an area of war, I have wanted to cover ever since nearly over 2 years ago I got involved in the fandom. All OC’s will have their creators name listed beside them - I did not create any of these OC’s, all credit goes to the lovely people who crafted and gifted them to me for FFTB!

Viewing where I currently am in my life, I’m going to going to college this year! I got accepted into the school I wanted, the program I wanted, even a scholarship! And I’m beyond excited. I really wanted to have something there for me when college does finally, you know, HAPPEN, and so Fortune Favors the Brave was the only way to go! To have a wonderful group of Nightingales, of female Pathfinders in the Band of Brothers fandom, seemed to be the way to go. Updates and such will definitely be different - I’m picking up more work hours this year, probably even summer classes, night classes, weekend classes - whatever I can do to benefit my degree and myself, I’m taking the opportunity. 

And so, updates will presumably be quite different, depending on a variety of things, but...this will be my college story! No matter how many years it takes to complete and update and write, this will be the thing I have with me through it all for when I need a mental break from school! And I am beyond excited for when I do finally get to share this story more than anything! 

We have such a great group of OCs here - different backgrounds, different reasons for joining, different creators who gifted them to me, different friendships, relationships and abundances of sisterhood and brotherhood moments. I’m truly beyond excited to showcase the Pathfinders side of the war in the light of 16 female OCs, whose stories will be told through their viewpoints based on different episodes whether whole or split! 

So thank you ALL!! These past 2 years have been a joy in the fandom and let’s hope for another few more! I’ve managed 3 fics and 4 books total and I’m excited to bring, presumably, my FINAL Band of Brothers fic in the fandom to you all in the near future. Thank you!! <3

THE NIGHTINGALES 

Team C DZ C for 506th PIR, 501st PIR 

-> 2/506 PIR (Stick 2/Plane #4) 

-- TOCCOA VETERANS --

Team Leader 

Captain Eleanor Graham - @basilone

Eleanor Graham had never met a challenge she couldn’t conquer - the eldest of four and a farmer’s daughter, teamwork and diligence were drilled into her mind like clockwork, along with being as much of a leader in the eyes of her family as she could. There was more to life than a farmer’s wife for her future though, no matter how much she adored the farm her family had grown to craft from the ground up. Iowa brought no opportunity except the farm life deemed fit for her, so upon seeing the advertisement “ It’s Your Fight Too “, OCS had never seemed like a better choice in her eyes. Because it was all their fights - man, woman, child, anyone - it was a World War, a fight for all their lives, for human lives. And with the capability to obtain Captain just before leaving for Camp Toccoa, it solidified her position for not only leading in Easy Company, but leading the Nightinagles - the first stick of female Pathfinders.

Assistant Team Leader

Lieutenant Florence Godfrey - @pxpeyewynn

A British lady and an artist at heart, from the little town of Avebury, set inside Wiltshire of Great Britain, her father made it big in New York just as the war that swarmed throughout Europe, erupted into spitfire. And suddenly thrust into the world of an America before war, was unsettling. Her country fought while America remained neutral. Yet, when the advertisement flooded throughout New York City - she couldn’t help but take it as her only way to get into war. OCS was beyond enough challenges, but walking in as a Lieutenant for Easy and for the Pathfinders, she was no longer the little girl who prayed at night to whomever was above to end the people’s suffering, or avoided interaction to instead draw in her notebook. She was a Lieutenant, and she was a woman at war - yet what was she even fighting for? 

Eureka Operators (each equipped with a Eureka Transponder each)

Sergeant (NCO) Marie Reynal - @thoughpoppiesblow

Grandmère Reynal always held her at night, under the dark night sky and sang in her soulful Cajun French, the words flowing from her lips and remaining an ever-present comfort in times where food was hardly ever on the table, or when she had to watch the other girls at school get the latest Mary-Janes and she was stuck with her old ones. Her grandmère taught her to appreciate the small things in life. But when the “It’s Your Fight Too” poster came out in the papers, Marie Reynal knew there were larger things in life than the newest Mary-Janes at school. Packing up what she could, Marie headed out to Camp Toccoa, equipped with nothing but some clothes and her fiddle. 

Corporal Edith Lockner - @mercurygray

Remember to look up - her mother would always tell her that. Especially when things on their little farm got hard in Stanford, Illinois where the only thing that occurred there was the wagering price of corn that fluctuated with the ever-changing times. So...she figured that’s why she always tended to look to the stars when her mother would tell her that before bed each night, looking out the wooden window under her quilt as a cold draft blew in. She always imagined herself up there, amongst the stars and for once seeing what the stars saw. But to be up with those stars and to get to study them, she’d need a lot more money than what ever amount the corn tended to bring in. And the Airborne with a fantastic pay grade, along with the Pathfinders and their earnings -- it seemed her ticket out. Maybe there won’t be stars - but anything’s got to be better than here. 

Wireman 

Corporal Chiyoko ‘Luna’ Omori - @papersergeant-pencilsoldier

Know your place. Eyes down, mouth shut. And most importantly, honor your family. Chiyoko Omori has never been one to step out of line, nor has she been one to speak when otherwise not spoken too. Trained in the art of kendo, the Japanese martial arts that her ancestors trained in, she leads with discipline and integrity amongst the group of Nightingales training as Pathfinders, as the solo wireman of the group. Her intelligence, more than once, has saved her and in war might just save her again and again. Her father’s garage had always been home to a multitude of repairs and many she had learned to do herself. But there she had been Chiyoko. But for war, she must forget who Chiyoko is and embody the only other name besides her family name that she will ever know - Luna. 

Lightmen (each equipped with 2 Halophane Lamps each) 

Staff-Sergeant (Senior NonCom) Sarah Prowse - @junojelli

For once in her life Sarah Prowse would not have her twin brother by her side. He hadn’t been by her side for years after he went back home to fight with the English and lost his life at Dunkirk. But this was real, this was happening - and the Pathfinders withheld the opportunity to prove to herself that Edmund had died with valor and courage. And he would not have died in vain. The nannies had always said they were inseparable but they weren’t those kids anymore. This was real life. And in real life, there was love and loss and pain. And sometimes the only way to get through it all was to do the thing to distract you most from it all. Some days she wished her family could’ve just stayed in England - maybe Mum would still be here. With her sharp mind, and the ability to read people like an open book, rising to the rank Staff-Sergeant had come easily - reading the field and reading people were pretty similar...right? 

Corporal Jean Dawson - @tvserie-s-world

Life in Louisville, Kentucky had always been a sort of cozy-comfort that Jean Doxon had always enjoyed. The weekend fairgrounds filled to the brim with people enjoying the night life it offered, early summers filled with watching her father race horses around the tracks sprinkled throughout the town and nights by her boyfriend, Glenn Hartley, where the sky seemed to stretch forever into the night. That is before the war sent him away to the Pacific. And their only form of communication was reduced to letters, with pressed flowers and the hint of rose perfume. Jean refused to mope about, when she knew this war was hardly far from over. Quick-thinking on her feet, and a town champion for knot-tying in her days in elementary, she packed what she could and left for Georgia the second she was able to take the first train out. The Airborne had much to offer, but more importantly so did the Pathfinders. 

Corporal Mercy Codonoa - @whoahersheybars

Mercy Codona always been a traveler, never staying in one place and always on the move to somewhere new that she might've never quite been before. This meant new neighbors, new friends and a new way of life. Something the United States readily offered. Each new town in a new state had a different way of life than the next. She figured that's why she was so quick to adapt to her surroundings - nothing was ever permanent, nor set in stone. Neither was family. Orphaned by 17 and left to fend for herself, left in the care of her mother's estranged sister, Mercy took the liberty by herself to do what she could to support herself. Taking up odd jobs in each town she traveled to and managing what she could to feed herself. But she was proud of her Romani-Croat heritage and what her ancestors had done in their past lives. She intended on continuing what their stories had not finished. If only she could continue to support herself. It was only when the "It's Your Fight Too" showed up newly on the Fort Wayne clipboard by the post office in April 1942 and then and there in that moment did she decided - with the extra money the Airborne offered, along with that of the Pathfinders, she'd be able to support herself in the future as well as possibly find people with the same dreams as herself for their futures, and for once finally belong.

Private Kennedy Rutlidge - MINE

Kennedy Docherty had always had quite a wild and exciting mind, always having a new idea, or a new method on selling the most recent paper that got her a few cents an hour. All through her schooling years and even up to her senior year, she took to the busiest corner on Lake Ave and Lyell Ave, calling out to sell her papers, before heading home for the night and running her normal routine the very next day. She spent summers at Lake Ontario, in her grandmother's home on the lake, where some of her fondest memories of her youth had been born. She always believed that's why she was always fascinated with flying, like one of the birds or hawks that flew out across the lake in the early morning. What she'd give to get that feeling just once in her life, away from school and away from the constant need to make as much money as she could to help with the family. The words "It's Your Fight Too" scrawled across the paper in early April had caught her eye within a second and left her running home just that night to break the news that she was signing up. And almost a week later, she found herself packed on a train towards Camp Toccoa, Georgia, bright eyes and the last bit of innocence fading from sight.

Security Personnel  

Sergeant (NCO) Alexandra Calypso - @iilovemusic12us

A Boston girl who grew up with her proud Jewish faith, with a Greek mother, knew hard work and sometimes it was pushing yourself to the very limit beyond what the human body could handle sometimes. So that meant falling, scrapping your knee a few times, sucking up the tears, sending a quick prayer to God and moving on with your life. Life had always been like that - they weren’t the richest, nor the poorest, but there wasn’t ever enough food on the table or enough money to fix the roof, or even to keep the mortgage paid. But her parents never stopped working. And she supposed what drove her to the Airborne and to the Pathfinders was seeing how hard they worked. And they paid well she had heard. She could work with it. And if anything, the Pathfinders were more accepting than any school in Boston she’d been to. 

Sergeant Nellie Shaw - @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant

Hailing from a small, coastal town in Maine, the proud Scot wanted more than anything to stay out of war when it finally came knocking on America’s doorstep. But Nellie Shaw, loyal as saint, knew that there was one thing she could do for this country and that was fight. Give her a pack of cigarettes or a bottle of gin, and she’d go in swinging for the war effort, even with her grumpy morning attitude that slowly became infamous in her elementary school days among the school children. She had no purpose on a farm on a mountain side anymore, rather destined to do what part of the fight she could. Taking Greer Riddell under her wing, the fellow Scot befriended the least likely person to enjoy her company and yet Nellie’s easy-going companionship slowly became integral to the entirety of Easy Company and the Nightingales. 

Private Greer Riddell - @leighinthesky

Schruz, Nevada was home for 21 years and by the looks of it, home for the rest of her life. A bee farm in a tiny town wasn’t idle for the rest of her life, but if she never got the money for college to get out of the small town, she feared she wouldn’t ever leave. And knowing the military had offered 16 women a stick of a plane to get their shot at becoming Pathfinders for the Army was her ticket straight to Toccoa, Georgia for training. The pay could send her not only to college, but could get her out of that tiny town which had confined her to nothing but her family and a cute little bee farm where hard work always paid off. Don’t be fooled by her subdue and withdrawn nature, the second her hands touched the rifle - the field was hers and yet so was the valley.

Codebreaker [Betchley Park Member]

Sergeant Laverne Robinson - @vintagelavenderskies

For her 23 years of life, Laverne Robinson had known just about every spot in London where you could catch a smoke break and not get caught by one of the older women and get scolded for doing so. She blamed her older brother, he blamed her. It was a mutual thing. But that had been the only thing to fear in London - until war struck, which sent every eligible man off to fight for the effort. Her brother included, leaving her staring out the rain speckled window all alone as the smell of her mother's soup wafted past her nose. Yet, like many women of the time, she wanted to fight too. Fluent in French and German and skilled in mathematics and code-work, Bletchley Park seemed the best fit. Working on codes, both sculpting and breaking them inside the building, keeping her lips shut and going on about her normal day when not inside the institution, life didn't seem as dreary as she had anticipated. Because she knew she was apart of the effort to end this war. That was until, she was called upon in late March 1944 to join up with the 101st Airborne with the first female stick of 12 pathfinders to make the jump into Normandy and assist them in anyway possible. Laverne knew it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and if her brother were there, he would've told her to run with it. Becoming a professor of mathematics would have to wait.

REPLACEMENTS

Corporal Alessandra Lisi - @tvserie-s-world

Alessandra Lisi had never known her parents. She was always told that sickness had taken them when she was just a child. Her brothers had been older than her and had tried to protect her from the sight of her parents dying. And so when their Nonna had taken them into her home without hesitation, Alessandra grew to look to her Nonna as the other parental figure she’d ever had. Of course, her brothers were always there for her, protective as they were, they never let her get into any sort of trouble without hearing about it first. Alessandra grew to adore her Italian heritage, cooking with Nonna on Sunday’s, inviting family over to enjoy the meals and even getting to stir the sauce as Nonna dropped in fresh, cut tomatoes. That was life and it had always been life as such. But when war sent her 3 brothers away, she knew she would not go down without a fight either. Upon receiving the paper in November 1943, she noticed the cover page withheld the picture of 12 women, adorned in jump wings as well as military grade goggles and scarves standing with wide smiles and bright eyes in front of a C-47, the title 'The Nightingales', lying just underneath. Female Pathfinders. If her parents were here, they would've been telling her what Nonna would've been telling her now. Fight for what you believe in, because while there's life, there's hope.

Private First Class Bettie Smith - @sgtxliptons86

Brooklyn, New York had it all - the kids in the streets, the shops on the corners where you could get a piece of candy for as little as 5 cents, even the corner stores in the summer where you could get ice cream for a dime. And as Bettie Smith grew older, running the streets of Brooklyn became like a weekend job - checking in on the younger kids of friends, riding bikes past the floral shops and picking up flowers for her sister, getting a bag of charcoal for her father. Even throwing some curses towards the boys who would heckle her for the way she wore her hair or the old shoes laced on her feet. Her older sister wasn’t too pleased with it all, but ever since Ma had passed, she seemed to let it slide - it was an escape for Bettie. So when war came knocking on the Smith’s door, anger, yet pride for their country filled the home, as well as the streets of New York, as more men and women began signing up for the cause. More friends left to join the effort, leaving Bettie there on the concrete doorstep. So when Bettie received the daily paper in November 1943, showcasing the 12 female pathfinders of the 101st Airborne, front and center for all to see, Bettie took it in quite large strides and took the first train of December 1943 to Fort Benning, Georgia.

Private Annie Laine - @wereinadell

Annie Laine, the daughter of Finnish immigrants, had always dreamed of leaving the quiet countryside her parents had always preferred for their family for the big cities of the Midwest - maybe she’d go to Chicago and study theater, or maybe she’d go and finally attend college in Milwaukee. Anything to get out of the small town she currently resided in. But the countryside had brought alone its perks - orienteering and hunting were big in the Laine family and every child, her 3 brothers, her and her sister, had all been taught the noble art. Swimming the streams, fishing in the lakes, taking hikes through the forests and coming back with a deer for dinner - life had always been quite peaceful Annie felt. But she could always hope that one day it changed. And it seemed war rung those bells quite early on. Annie was tired of structured life and if anything, she knew that the start of structured life in the military would fall quite nearly to shambles once they hit war. The November 1943 issue of the daily newspaper brought upon not only sudden interest in the military, but in that of the female pathfinders who were paving their way in all of military history to be the first stick to jump into continental occupied-Europe. All it took was what cash she had saved for college and a small suitcase to get her on the way to Fort Benning, Georgia.

Private Marla Hughes - @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant

Lafayette, Louisiana had been home all her life - Baton Rouge just to the East and New Orleans just a little further. It had always been home for as long as she could remember. With the fancy parties her father always allotted for the family to attend, talking with the men in pristine suits, or the women with the big hats, some days Marla Hughes just wished to be able to go outside and enjoy nature instead of suffocating amongst the people who seemed to live in a world that didn’t even seem like real life. She supposed that was when she had hit her breaking point and joined the Airborne in Fort Benning, Georgia. She was tired of the life that did absolutely nothing for her. There was more to this world, so much more and yet she was confined to a party dress and an expensive glass of wine that tasted bitter when it rushed down the throat. There were small bars, where the music played, and you could dance until your feet grew tired, there were beer bottles awaiting to be clinked together with friends and there were people beside the stuck-up society she was forced into. The Airborne accepted anyone far and wide - and maybe she could strip of the posh life given to her and finally be set free.

THESE ARE THE NIGHTINGALES!!!

> if you have any questions, feel free to send them in! if not, it’s all good! these are our 16 nightingales! :) thank you to all of you who sent them in back in early December! It’s been an honor to craft these wonderful OC’s!

[rhosyn-du]

Never make a mess when a total catastrophe will do - Chapter Seven

Pairings: Jimon, past Clace, background Clizzy, a bunch of other minor background pairings Rating: Explicit Art: @cor321​ Beta: @all-thestories-aretrue​ Tags:  Alternate Universe - College/University, fake dating, oh my god they were roommates, friends with benefits, idiots to lovers, pining, miscommunication, holidays, drinking games, mistletoe, symbolically significant Oreos, domestic fluff, brief mention of past character death, Jace’s self-worth issues deserve their own tag Summary: What do you do when you find out your sister is not only dating your ex and love-of-your-high-school-life but is also bringing her home for Christmas? Bring your annoying, hot, annoyingly-hot roommate as your fake boyfriend to show them you're totally fine with it, obviously! There's no possible way this could backfire. Link: AO3 , Tumblr Master Post

Chapter Seven

Jace knew they were in trouble as soon as he saw Maia’s face. The Cheshire Cat had nothing on her grin as she sauntered into Java Jones Monday afternoon, the last of their group to arrive.

She pulled a chair up between Jace and Simon, spun it around with a flourish to sit on it backwards, and flung an arm around both their shoulders. “So, is this the part where I say mazel tov?”

“I am going to literally murder my sister,” Simon announced.

Lily perked up. “Wait, what happened?” She looked between Simon and Jace, then fixed an intense gaze on Maia. “Did one of them finally break down and call you? Why didn’t you assholes mention anything? Who won the bet?”

“Oh, I got a call,” Maia said. “Not from either of these fools, though.”

Jace drained his coffee cup, wishing it were vodka instead. There was clearly no stopping this, so he might as well just face the music now.

“According to Becky, she and her grandmother caught these two in a storage closet about to get down and dirty, and Jace tried to cover up what they were doing by pretending he was down on his knees to propose.”

“Oh no,” Maureen said through a fit of giggles. “That’s terrible.”

Jace flipped her off, which only made her giggle harder.

“Don’t worry,” Maia said, patting Simon’s shoulder, “Becky said she’s like ninety percent sure your grandma didn’t know what was really up.”

“I can hide two bodies,” Simon told her. “I have a van.”

“And my sister is studying forensics,” Jace added. “I bet she’d tell me how to cover up a crime scene if I asked.”

“Every time you bring up your family, I just have more questions,” Lily said.

“Wait,” Maureen said suddenly, holding up her hands. Everyone looked at her. “If you guys are giving each other clandestine blowjobs, does this mean everyone in our friend group has slept together now?”

“Nope,” Bat said, and Jace shook his head.

“Wait, really?” Simon sounded genuinely surprised.

“We thought for sure you two were hooking up back when Simon and I were dating,” Maureen added, looking at Bat. “Jace was over at your place pretty much all the time.”

Jace stared intently into his empty coffee cup. He wasn’t about to tell them he’d spent so much time at Bat’s because he couldn’t quite stomach spending time in his apartment when Simon and Maureen were there, together.

“Jace was over at my place sulking because he got his ass dumped.” Which was the excuse Jace had given him. “He swore me to secrecy because he didn’t want you guys giving him shit for getting his heart broken.”

“You seem to be a little confused about the whole concept of secrecy, though,” Jace said.

“You could’ve told us,” Maureen said, earnest and sympathetic. “We wouldn’t tease you about something if you were really hurting.”

“Well, I’d tease you a little,” Lily said.

“You had your heart broken?” Simon’s voice was soft, and when Jace met his eyes, he found a confused curiosity there. Which of course there would be, Jace realized, given the conversation they’d had on the drive home, where he’d admitted that he hadn’t been serious about anyone since Clary.

“I wasn’t heartbroken,” Jace said, putting as much disdain as he could manage into the word. “Sasha just had some very strong opinions when I told her I didn’t want to get serious, and I kind of wanted to lay low for a while after.” The part about Sasha wasn’t even a lie.

“Oh,” Lily said, dragging the word out with relish. “You were embarrassed because she told you off in public.”

Bat looked skeptical. “You really expect me to believe you spent three weeks curled up on my couch eating Double Stuf Oreos because your ego was bruised?”

“Of course not.” Jace grinned at him. “That was because you’re a sucker who kept buying me Double Stuf Oreos.”

Maia smacked his arm hard enough to sting. “No taking advantage of Bat’s kind and generous spirit.”

Bat looked unconvinced. “Well, next time you decide to hide out at my place because you definitely didn’t get your heart broken, you’re on your own for Oreos.”

Simon was still watching him. “I would’ve shared my Oreos if I knew you needed them.” His tone was far too serious for a conversation about Oreos. Like maybe he knew Jace was hiding something. Like maybe he suspected what Jace was hiding.

Jace flashed him a shit-eating grin. “I hope you know I’m taking that as an invitation to steal your Oreos whenever I want from now on.”

“Dude, you can’t just steal Oreos!” Maureen protested. “That’s like rule number two of the roommate code.”

“What’s rule number one?” Bat asked.

“Booze,” Maureen and Lily answered in unison.

“And for everyone who keeps asking how we managed to share a dorm and not murder each other freshman year,” Lily continued, “this is the answer.”

“Truth,” Maureen agreed.

This sparked a lively debate about what did and did not constitute violations of roommate code that lasted until Jace had to leave for his evening class.

Two days later, a package of Double Stuf Oreos appeared on Jace’s desk. He didn’t bring them up, and neither did Simon.

~~~

Jace wasn’t sure exactly how they started studying together on the couch instead of their separate rooms. It might have been that one group study session where everyone else had to bail early. But somewhere along the line, he’d started dragging his textbooks and laptop out to the living room any time he needed to get work done. Half the time, he found Simon already there, and the times he didn’t, Simon usually joined him pretty soon after.

And it was…nice. Comfortable in a way Jace tried not to think about. Just another item on his ever-growing list of things not to think about. Conveniently, his assigned paper on the Thirty Years’ War didn’t leave room for thinking about much of anything else.

Which was probably why it took him so long to notice on this particular evening that he and Simon had somehow migrated from their usual spots at either end of the couch to sharing its center. And once he did notice, all thoughts of the Second Defenestration of Prague went out the window, the warmth of Simon’s leg against his own and occasional bump of their shoulders as they worked driving him to distraction.

It was stupid, really. It wasn’t like they never touched. In fact, Jace would bet they’d spent more of their time together over the past few months touching than not, in increasingly creative ways.

But they didn’t touch like this, without teasing or seduction or intent. It made Jace feel twitchy. Restless. There was a part of him that wanted to sink into it, to let the warmth of Simon’s touch seep under his skin. But a far greater part was telling him to pull away, to retreat back to his end of the couch. Or maybe to turn and press Simon back into the couch cushions and turn this into something far more familiar. Something safer.

“Hey,” Simon said, making Jace flinch in surprise. If Simon noticed, he didn’t let on. “I was gonna make stroganoff for dinner tonight, and I’m pretty ready for a break. Any chance I could talk you into slicing mushrooms for me while I start on the beef?”

It took Jace several seconds to process the question, so far from what he’d been thinking. “Um. Yeah. Sure, sounds good.”

Once they made their way to the kitchen, Jace was grateful to be back on familiar ground. They didn’t cook together often—didn’t have much time for cooking at all, really—but they’d done it a handful of times, and they worked well together in a kitchen, which was not something Jace could say about most of his friends, or his family.

It was also, he realized as he stood next to Simon at the stove, boiling egg noodles while Simon stirred the roux, acutely domestic. It was another addition to the list of things he wasn’t going to think about.

When they returned to the living room, bowls of saucy noodles and beef in hand, Simon sat right back down in the middle of the couch, where he’d been before they got up to make dinner. Jace hesitated only an instant before reclaiming his spot next to him. Simon flashed him a quick smile before pulling his financial analytics textbook over to balance precariously on his knee so he could read while he ate. Jace tore his gaze away, turning his attention half-heartedly back to his notes.

By the time he finished eating, Jace had realized two very important things. First, he needed to make another trip to the library if he wanted to have enough sources to back up his thesis. Second, it would be far too easy to get used to nights like tonight, and that wasn’t something he could allow himself to do. Before he could make himself do something about it, though, Simon shifted, half-turning to pull his knees up onto the couch and letting his head rest back against Jace’s shoulder.

“This okay? The light’s better like this.”

Jace took maybe a second too long to answer. “It’s fine.”

He placed his empty bowl on the coffee table—gingerly, so as not to jostle Simon—and returned to his reading. When he shifted a few minutes later, tossing one arm over the back of the couch and letting Simon rest against his chest, it was just a matter of comfort, really. Letting his hand come to rest on Simon’s chest, fingers absently toying with the neckline of his shirt, was not, but Simon didn’t object.

When his fingers encountered skin-warm metal, it took Jace several seconds to realize it. By the time he did, his fingers had already followed the line of the chain down to the center of Simon’s chest, where the object that hung from it rested beneath his t-shirt. He recognized its shape at the same time he felt Simon go unnaturally still.

“I didn’t want to lose it,” Simon said in a rush.

Jace traced the shape of the ring through Simon’s shirt. His ring. “It’s a good place to keep it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jace agreed, flattening his hand against Simon’s chest. The ring pressed into his palm, the telltale beat of Simon’s heart thrumming behind it. He wondered if his own were beating just as fast.

“You know,” he said slowly, “Alec is getting married next month.”

Simon relaxed against him with a soft huff of laughter. “Yeah, I think I heard something about that in the approximately five hundred phone calls you’ve had in the last couple weeks.”

“A best man’s work is never done, apparently.” He took a breath, let it out. “But, I was thinking, you should come with me.”

Simon craned his neck to look at him. “Like, to play your boyfriend again, or…?”

As my date. It was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t force the words past his lips. He wasn’t ready to risk that he might be reading this wrong. He’d done it before, and for reasons he couldn’t put his finger on, it felt so much more dangerous now.

“I mean, it would be weird if you didn’t, right?” he said instead. “Since my entire family thinks we’re together still.”

“Right.” Simon looked back at the book in his lap, but he didn’t make any move to pull away. Jace could almost imagine he sounded disappointed. “Totally weird. I think Clary’s expecting me to be there, anyway.”

“Cool. I’ll RSVP you as my plus-one.”

Simon made a soft noise of affirmation and returned to his reading. Jace tried to go back to his, but he found himself unable to concentrate. After reading the same paragraph five times and not retaining a single word of it, he gave up and let his head loll against the back of the couch, cheek resting lightly against the top of Simon’s head. He closed his eyes and let his mind drift.

Jace was pulled out of sleep sometime later by gentle fingers stroking through his hair. He scrunched up his face and made an unhappy noise; he wasn’t ready to be awake.

“If you’re going to sleep, you should go to bed.”

Jace cracked an eye open to find Simon watching him with a fond smile. Still half-asleep, it was easy to smile back, something warm and soft settling in his chest. Sometime while he slept, they’d shifted again so Simon was leaning back against the arm of the couch with Jace sprawled half on top of him. Simon’s books were stacked neatly on the coffee table. Jace wondered how long they’d been there.

“‘M comfy.”

Simon chuckled. “You won’t be if you stay here all night and wake up with a sore back.”

Jace thought that spending the night with Simon as his pillow might be worth waking up with a sore back, but the fog of sleep had lifted enough that the feeling of impending danger was returning. He pushed himself up to sitting and immediately missed Simon’s warmth.

“I think I’m a couple decades away from waking up with a sore back from one night spent on the couch.”

He reached for his dirty bowl, still sitting on the table, but Simon stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Leave it. You’re tired; I’ve got the dishes.”

Jace frowned at him.

“Go to bed,” Simon insisted with a laugh. “You’re obviously exhausted.”

It was the laugh that got him. The way Simon’s eyes crinkled at the corners. The way he always smiled wide enough to show teeth. The way it never failed to tug at something inside Jace, urging him to smile back no matter how much he might resist it. Except this time it was less of a tug than a wrench that threatened to break him wide open.

Jace remembered, with sudden, vivid clarity, that drunken conversation he’d had with Maia last year. The one he tried to forget ever happened.

They’d all be hanging out at Maia’s new apartment, a tiny studio that wasn’t really big enough to host a six-person housewarming party, but they’d made it work because she was so proud of finally making good enough tips she could afford to live in her own place off campus.

Everyone but Jace had early morning classes that semester, so he’d stayed behind to keep the party going with Maia while the others had headed home. Jace didn’t remember how many shots it had taken for him to start complaining about Simon’s propensity for wandering around the apartment in only a towel, but he absolutely remembered Maia’s knowing grin.

“Someone’s got a crush.”

“It’s not a crush,” Jace had insisted. “He’s just annoyingly hot.” If he’d been sober, he wouldn’t have spoken the next words. He wouldn’t have even let himself think them. “And I bet he’d be stupidly easy to fall in love with, too.”

And then Maia had laughed so hard she’d fallen over onto her cheap, beige carpet that still smelled faintly of new plastic while Jace was left to deal with the slowly dawning realization of what he’d just said.

“Before you fall asleep again,” Simon prompted, snapping Jace’s mind back to the present. Where Simon was smiling at him with an indisputable fondness that made Jace feel raw and exposed.

“Right,” Jace said, practically jumping up from the couch. “Bed. Thanks. For,” he waved his hand vaguely, “dishes and whatever.”

“No problem,” Simon said, bemused. “Sleep well.”

Jace understood what that feeling of danger was about now. It seemed there was some truth to that old adage about finding answers at the bottom of a bottle; it had been so easy, he wasn’t even sure when he’d fallen in love.

~~~

“You’re sure this is a classic?” Jace eyed the grainy opening shots of the movie playing on Simon’s laptop with some skepticism.

They normally did movie night out in the living room, on the flat-screen TV that had probably cost more than every other piece of furniture in their apartment combined, but Simon insisted a film this old would look ridiculous on a large HD screen. Considering how bad it looked even on Simon’s old laptop, it was probably the right call. And Jace wasn’t going to complain about having to squish together on Simon’s bed so they could both see the screen, even if that did make it feel perilously close to being a date.

“Cult classic,” Simon corrected. “Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama is, like, peak so-bad-it’s-good 80’s horror comedy. And they’re making a sequel with the original cast, so you have to watch the original.”

Jace grabbed a fistful of popcorn from the bowl in Simon’s lap. “You mean so you can drag me to the sequel when it comes out?”

“Exactly.” Simon grinned at him. “Thanks for offering to see it with me.”

“That’s not what just happened,” Jace said around a mouthful of popcorn.

“Agree to disagree.”

The movie turned out to be surprisingly entertaining, film quality and 80’s aesthetics notwithstanding. And the atrocious special effects. And, well, the entire plot, really.

“Do you think sororities were really like that back in the 80’s?” Simon wondered as the titular sorority babes outlined the hazing their pledges would undergo.

“It wouldn’t surprise me if some of them still are,” Jace said. “But Greek life isn’t really my thing, even if I have seen the inside of a few sorority houses in my time.”

“Was that supposed to be a flex?”

Jace ignored that comment and pulled out his phone. “Alec might know, though.”

Simon leaned in to watch Jace type, resting his chin on Jace’s shoulder. “I know I’ve only met your brother once, but I’m having trouble picturing him anywhere near a sorority.”

“Alec was in a fraternity in college,” Jace explained.

“Yeah, no, still not seeing it.” Even after Jace sent the text, he didn’t move away.

Alec’s response came only moments later.

why would I know that Phi Beta Kappa is an academic fraternity and sorority girls are well outside my areas of interest

“Okay, that makes sense.” Simon slid the bowl of popcorn off his lap so he could lean more fully into Jace’s side.

maybe ask Iz

Jace snorted and slipped his phone back into his pocket. He reached for the popcorn and gave an irritated huff when he found it just out of reach.

Without taking his eyes off the screen, Simon grabbed the bowl and moved it to Jace’s other side. On impulse, Jace caught his hand and laced their fingers together. They hadn’t talked about that night on the couch—not about the casual intimacy or Simon wearing Jace’s ring around his neck or Jace falling asleep on Simon or any of it—but there was no question things were different between them since. Or maybe it was just Jace that was different, knowing how deep he was in this just making him more reckless with his heart.

Simon’s fingers curled around his, his arm coming to rest draped over Jace’s hip as he let out a small, contented sigh.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t just Jace. But Jace wasn’t exactly sure what to do about it. He could probably have written an entire treatise on navigating hookups, but he had no idea how to navigate…whatever this was. The only experience he had with actual romantic relationships was with Clary, and despite how fucked up they’d both been back then—or maybe even because they’d both been so fucked up—there had never been any ambiguity about how they felt, no questions about what they were to each other. No wondering if she knew she could do so much better than him.

It was different with Simon. Simon, who never seemed fazed by the shit life threw at him. Simon, who actually dated, and always seemed to leave a breakup on good terms. Simon, who held him like he was afraid Jace might break, who fucked him like he wanted him to break.

Simon, who had to know he could do better than Jace.

“Let me guess,” Jace said as the two characters he’d mentally tagged as the protagonists ducked into a closet to escape a demonic minion, “the nerd and the hot bad girl are the only survivors, and they get together at the end.”

Simon gave him an unimpressed look. “You don’t get any points for guessing that. This is a comedy made in the 80’s that leans heavily into the tropes of the era.”

“Yeah, but that’s not why I guessed it. I just figured you’d be into the whole ‘nerd gets the bad girl’ thing.”

“That’s not why I like this movie,” Simon said. “But Spider might have been part of why 12-year-old me liked this movie,” he admitted.

“Thought so,” Jace said smugly.

“You’re the worst.” Simon’s arm tightened around Jace’s waist, belying his words. “I’m seriously questioning why I even like you right now.”

“Because I’m charming, witty, and great in bed.”

The smile Simon flashed him probably shouldn’t have made Jace’s stomach do a pleasant little flip, but it did. “Those are some pretty great selling points.”

“Watch your dumb movie,” Jace said, trying and failing to hide his own smile.

When Jace’s phone buzzed several minutes later during a particularly tense scene, they both jumped. Jace pulled it out to check his new messages, then chuckled and turned the screen so Simon could read Alec’s message.

Magnus says there was at least one sorority exactly like that five years ago also I’m now being subjected to this atrocious movie, so thanks for that

“I knew Magnus would have good taste in movies,” Simon commented.

“I’m disturbed you can even talk about this movie and good taste in the same sentence.”

“Oh, come on,” Simon said reproachfully. “Didn’t you once tell me that any movie with boobs and explosions was a good movie?”

“Yeah, but this movie doesn’t have any—” On screen, the nerd threw a Molotov cocktail at a possessed sorority babe. Jace sighed. “Objection withdrawn.”

Simon flashed him a smug grin. “Admit it, I’ve got fantastic taste.”

Jace smirked. “I do like the way you taste.”

“Not what I—” He cut off as Jace illustrated his point by licking a line up Simon’s throat.

Simon let out a hiss. “You’re going to miss the end of the movie.” He didn’t pull away.

“Told you,” Jace murmured, scraping teeth along his jaw, “I already know the nerd and biker girl are going to survive. I don’t need to see the end.”

Simon turned his head to catch Jace’s lips with his own in a surprisingly gentle kiss, his hand coming up to cup Jace’s cheek. They stayed like that for what felt to Jace like hours but couldn’t actually have been more than a minute or two judging by the tinny screams coming from the laptop speakers.

“What do you need?” Simon whispered when he finally broke the kiss. His tone was teasing, but the way his thumb caressed Jace’s cheekbone was all sincerity.

“Just this,” Jace whispered back, and it was the truest thing he’d ever said.

Then they were kissing again, slow and soft, and Jace thought he might drown in it, thought he might want to drown in it. He kissed Simon like he’d been wanting to for weeks, for months. Maybe longer. He put everything he felt into the kiss—his hope and his love and his fear—and prayed that Simon would understand, that he wouldn’t pull away.

He didn’t.

They kissed until they were breathless with it, until the last strains of the movie’s closing credits had long since faded away, until there was no room for anything in Jace’s thoughts and heart and dreams but Simon. He knew he was grinning like an idiot when they finally broke apart, and he couldn’t bring himself to care. Especially not with Simon grinning back at him.

“See?” Jace combed a hand through Simon’s curls. He couldn’t stop touching. “Way better than that movie.”

“You don’t know that,” Simon protested. “You didn’t even watch the end. It could have been twenty straight minutes of boobs and explosions, and you’d never even know.”

“Weirdly, I think I might like kissing you even more than I like boobs and explosions.”

“Wow, high praise.” Simon was still teasing, and Jace suddenly needed him to understand how much he wasn’t really joking.

“No, seriously.” He wrapped a hand around the back of Simon’s neck, drew him close enough to feel his breath. “I—” Words he meant far too much—that would be too much—stuck behind his teeth. “I’m not really here for the movie,” he said instead. “No matter how many boobs or explosions it has. You get that, right?”

“I—yeah.”

There was something subdued and almost vulnerable in Simon’s voice, something that didn’t quite track with the conversation they were having, but before Jace could even catch the thread of it, he was being pushed back into the bed and kissed breathless once again. By the time Simon was tugging his shirt over his head, brushing calloused fingertips over a peaked nipple and making him gasp, Jace thought he must have imagined it.

Simon took him apart slowly, deliberately, maintaining a calm focus even when Jace teased, never altering his pace even when Jace begged. And Jace did beg, edging on desperation before they even got all their clothes off. By the time Simon had him spread out on the bed, opening him up with slick fingers and teasing his dick with strokes far too light to even approach enough, Jace wasn’t sure he was capable of anything but begging.

“Simon, please.” He scrabbled ineffectually at Simon’s shoulders, trying ineffectually to drag him close. The angle was bad for it, but Simon was also strong, something that was easy to forget until they were like this. It was also seriously fucking hot. “Please. Fuck. Need you in me already, please.”

“You’re so beautiful.” There was an edge to Simon’s voice, but Jace still thought he sounded far too composed for what they were doing, for what he was doing to Jace. “God, do you even know?”

Jace couldn’t even begin to answer, because Simon chose that moment to press his fingers very deliberately against Jace’s prostate, and the only words Jace was capable of anymore were garbled curses and Simon’s name.

“You have to know.” Simon withdrew his fingers and all Jace could do was whine in protest. “I bet people tell you all the time.”

Jace shook his head, not sure if he was disagreeing or just objecting to the sudden tragic lack of Simon’s hands on him and in him. Simon pressed a soothing kiss to his knee before pulling away to roll a condom onto his own dick, which took way too long in Jace’s opinion, but it was enough time for Jace to find his voice again.

“Please, Simon.” His voice was half a sob, and he didn’t even care. “Need you.”

“You’ve got me,” Simon breathed, the faintest tremor in his voice as leaned in to line his cock up with Jace’s hole and brushed the lightest of kisses against his lips.

“Yes,” Jace whispered. “Yes, please.”

And then Simon was finally, finally pushing inside, and Jace was rocking down against him, desperate and greedy for everything Simon was willing to give him. It took exactly two thrusts for Simon’s composure to crack completely, and Jace swallowed down his moans as greedily as he took everything else, licking into Simon’s mouth to chase every sound.

Jace would have been embarrassed by how quickly he came after that, lasting maybe a full ten seconds after Simon wrapped a hand around his dick, except that Simon was right there with him, following him over the edge with a barely audible, “Fuck, fuck, Jace, oh god.”

After, they lay next to each other on the bed, catching their breaths. This would normally be when one of them left to go back to their own room, or went to take a shower, or make food, or anything, really, to keep this thing between them from seeming like more than it was. Except it was more for Jace. Maybe for both of them.

“You’ve got me.”

Jace wasn’t sure if Simon had meant the words the way Jace wanted him to, but he wasn’t ready to let go of the possibility that he did. Trying not to overthink it, he curled into Simon’s side, resting a hand on his chest.

For a few seconds, Simon went absolutely still, and Jace thought for sure he’d fucked everything up. But just as cold dread was beginning to claw its way up his throat, Simon let out a shaky breath and cuddled closer, pulling the blanket up to cover them both and covering Jace’s hand with his own. Jace smiled into Simon’s shoulder.

“You’ve got me.”

He would hold onto that for as long as Simon let him.

[meliakim]

Help From Yoongi-hyung (Pt. 2)

Jimin asks his hyung for more help.

Jimin once again approached the door of Yoongi’s hotel room and knocked. He wasn’t as quick to answer the door this time, but when he did, Jimin noticed headphones around his hyung's neck. “You’re back? How did it go with Min?” Yoongi asked. Jimin shrugged and said, “I guess as good as it could’ve… Hey, what are you up to now?” Yoongi rubbed his eyes, as he had been staring at his computer screen. “I was working on some music,” he answered.

“Good,” Jimin said, gently pushing past his hyung and inviting himself into his room. “I need help writing my song for ‘Love Yourself: Her’ intro,” Jimin said as he sat down on the armchair sitting next to Yoongi’s desk chair. Yoongi chucked and sat back down in his desk chair. “You should be done with that song by now… I’ve already started working on my solo song that’s not even going to be released for another year!” Yoongi said. “I know, but I’ve been struggling with what to write the song about, but I’ve just figured it out,” Jimin replied.

“I want to write the song about Min… or… rather to Min… telling her how I feel about her,” Jimin said, shyly, still not quite used to admitting to someone out loud how he felt about Min. Yoongi raised his eyebrows. “So, a love confession?” he asked. Jimin shrugged and replied, “more or less… I know how passionate Min is about music, and if I could just come up with a song good enough… I think it would be the proper way to finally confess to her.” Yoongi found this to be extremely cute, but he tried to hide his smile.

“You’re the best at composing and writing lyrics, which is why I wanted to come to you for help. I want this to be perfect,” Jimin said sincerely, looking over at his hyung. “Well, if that’s the case, I need to make a better set-up,” he said, turning to his desk. He untangled some wires and unplugged a few things before heading to his suitcase and pulling out a MIDI keyboard, microphone, mini soundboard, and another headphone set. Jimin watched him in amazement as Yoongi gingerly plugged in all his equipment to his laptop.

“Do you have any ideas for lyrics yet?” Yoongi asked as he worked on his travel studio set-up. “I have a few in mind… like ‘the universe has moved for us, our happiness was meant to be,’ er… what else? I guess I should start writing it down,” Jimin said, drawing a blank. “It’s not too cheesy, is it?” he asked, afraid of what Yoongi would think of it. “I think it’s sweet… it makes me think of serendipity… like how everything somehow works together by chance,” Yoongi said as he typed something on his computer.

“How is this? ‘The universe has moved for us without missing a single thing, our happiness was meant to be ‘cause you love me.’l Yoongi quoted from the lyrics he was beginning to write down. “Ohhh, Yoongi-hyung you’re so good!!! Hmm… how would it sound with ‘and I love you’ at the end of that?” Jimin asked. “Well, we haven’t come up with the tune and rhythm yet, so anything is game,” he said, adding Jimin’s suggestion to the end of the line.

“Really, we should start with the tune and flow of the song before we get into more lyrics,” Yoongi suggested. He stared at his MIDI keyboard, then had an idea. “You know… this is the first intro to any of our albums that is done by a vocal line member. I think it would be cool if we emphasized your voice in this song… and maybe add some light beats in the background,” Yoongi suggested. Jimin nodded. “And by emphasizing my voice, hopefully my message to Min will be clear,” he agreed.

Yoongi put on his headset and began messing around on the piano setting of his keyboard, coming up with a melody that he thought would sound good when sung in Jimin’s voice. After a few minutes, he passed Jimin the other headset and played what he had come up with so far. “Yoongi-hyung! You’re so quick in coming up with a melody!” Jimin said, impressed. He listened to it repeatedly, until he got used to the tune, then he began humming to it. “Can you move the key down half a step?” Jimin asked. Yoongi pushed a few buttons on his laptop, changing the key to A♭.

Jimin hummed along to the track again and nodded with a satisfied smile. “That’s better,” he said. Yoongi made a few more notes and then re-recorded a part based on how Jimin sounded with it. “It would sound good if it went high and then back low here,” he explained the one part and the change he made. The pair continued to do this for hours, adjusting each note to fit Jimin’s style, him humming the tune all the while. They finally made it past the tune of the verses and came up with the chorus melody and refrain as well.

“Ooo, what about ‘Just let me love you’? and then there can be kind of an echo like ‘let me love let me love you’?” Jimin suggested when they decided to move back to the lyrics. Yoongi nodded and played the refrain track to test his lyrics out. After hearing Jimin sing to it, he smiled satisfactorily and wrote it down. The pair continued to think of lyrics, writing them down and tweaking them to fit the melody Yoongi wrote, until every part of the song had a lyric to go with it.

“Ok, let’s see how it all sounds back-to-back,” Yoongi said, putting on his headset and handing the mic over to Jimin. Jimin put on the other headset and took the mic from Yoongi, clearing his throat and then nodding to him as if to say, “I’m ready.” Yoongi played the piano melody track in the background, guiding Jimin to sing the tune that they had written. Still not quite used to the lyrics, Jimin messed up a few times, but then was finally able to record the vocal sample for the whole two-minute track.

Jimin took off his headset while Yoongi did some mixing, then he unplugged it and played it out loud for Jimin to hear, without the piano melody in the background. Jimin balled his hands up in fists and shook them like he did when he was excited, grabbing onto Yoongi’s shoulders and squeezing him. “Hyung!!! It sounds so good already!!!” Jimin said as Yoongi tried to wriggle himself out of the tight grip of affection. “We’ll obviously have to record the final in the real studio, but we have a good track to go off of,” Yoongi said.

“Since we have your voice now, I can delete the original piano melody,” Yoongi said, finding the file on his computer. “Wait!!” Jimin said, an idea suddenly popping into his head. “Can you actually re-record the piano, but a little nicer?” he asked. “You don’t think my piano playing was good enough??” Yoongi teased, shaking his head before saying, “no, I really don’t think the song will sound good if your voice is overpowered by the piano.”

“No, I mean, record it as a cover of the song… I think the melody you wrote is so nice, I had the idea of dancing to it, maybe even with Min,” Jimin explained. “Ahh, then she’d also get used to the sound of the song and form a connection with it beforehand,” Yoongi said, now understanding what Jimin wanted a piano version of it for. Jimin smiled and said, “exactly!!” before standing up from his seat and stretching, suddenly aware that there was a bright light trying to sneak into the room behind the curtains.

He walked over towards the window and pulled the curtain back further, only to see the view of the NYC cityscape, with the sun rising in the background. “What time is it?!” he asked, looking down at his phone and seeing it was 5:30 in the morning. “Did we really work all through the night?” he asked, bewildered that it was already morning. Yoongi was either ignoring him or was so engrossed in playing his MIDI keyboard that he didn’t answer Jimin’s questions. When he was done re-recording it, he mixed it with a small amount of percussion and synth in the background to make it sound professional, then he emailed it to Jimin before taking his headphones off.

“I emailed the cover to you,” Yoongi said. “Do you realize what time it is??” Jimin asked, still staring out the window at the sunrise. Yoongi shrugged and said, “I’m used to all-nighters,” before getting up and stretching. Jimin’s phone buzzed at the receiving of Yoongi’s email with the instrumental version of “Intro: Serendipity,” and he was reminded of how much his hyung helped him over the course of the night. While Yoongi was still stretching, Jimin quickly approached him and wrapped his arms around his chest. “Thank you so much for helping me,” was all Jimin was able to say.

Touch-me-not-Yoongi gently slapped Jimin’s arm until he let go of his grip and said, “I didn’t do this for you… I did it for Min!” He halfway lied, as he truly did it for the both of them, but he wasn’t willing to admit he had a soft side towards his younger member that had become like a brother to him. “Either way I am grateful to you, hyung,” Jimin said, bowing out of gratitude to him. Yoongi, starting to feel sentimental at the sight of Jimin in love, just shook his head.

“Yeah, whatever… Will you leave me alone now so I can get some sleep? You’ve stolen enough hours from my life already,” Yoongi complained, though Jimin just continued to smile brightly, beyond satisfied with the work they were able to accomplish together. “Fair enough, I’ll let you get some sleep! I should probably rest too,” Jimin said, starting to realize how tired he was. He headed towards the door and turned to Yoongi once more and bowed. “Thank you again, hyung,” Jimin said one final time before exiting, leaving Yoongi alone in his makeshift studio.

[caitlinsfandomthoughts]

Watching Star Trek TOS For the First Time! Season 1 Reaction

I’ve been a TNG, DS9 and Voyager fan for maybe 10 years but had never watched TOS until I decided that I would. And then I realised I couldn’t live with the possibility of the internet not being able to know my incoherent rambling reactions if it so desired. Most of these were written the day after I saw them but with the early ones it was later so sorry if I don’t remember your favourite.

Season 1:

The Cage: Be still my beating heart why must number 1 leave the show? Why?! Imagine a world in which Majel Barrett got to continue to be her in the Star Trek universe instead of Lwuxana (sorry I don’t love her) and Nurse Chapel. She’s so beautiful I love her. And she gets to where pants and be the second in command. While the episode for sure has sexist moments it does seem like there was more of an actual effort to present to future as having gender equality. When you compare this to the ultra mini skirted version of the actual show, it does feel like executives went through it to make it more marketable. It’s been noted by others that she is quite similar to what Spock’s character became: the cold, logical one, while Spock smiles in this episode. While I ended up loving Spock I still would’ve loved to see a woman in that kind of role, especially in the 60s. Although I’m not sure she would’ve been treated that well.

So Vina can’t like, get medical treatment from Starfleet doctors who know how to put a human body together? No? We’re just gonna leave her there? She’s too ugly? She’s better off living in a fantasy world where she’s pretty? Ok then…

The Man Trap: I don’t even really remember this one so I’d have to rewatch it.

Charlie X: Charlie sees women and becomes an incel, Kirk has to try and teach him not to be. This is a decent goal that somehow culminates in a space boxing match. Kirk loses his shirt. Sexual tension is presumably resolved. Uhura sings.

Where No Man Has Gone Before: The pants are back. Man becomes some kind of god and Kirk beats him up if I remember correctly.

The Naked Time: This is where The Naked Now comes from. This one was less sexual, which is probably a good thing, and less drunk, which is too bad cause I love drunk Crusher and Picard trying to focus on work while their brains won’t brain. Highly relatable mood. This one is where the immortal line “sorry, neither” comes from, spoken by Uhura in response to Sulu calling her a “fair maiden.” According to the internet that was an ad lib and I so hope that’s true cause it’s amazing. Also according to Spock Sulu is a “swashbuckler at heart” which is cool and all but I wish we got to find that out by him actually being a character that we know the personality of rather than a background diversity guy who gets to say a couple of lines sometimes. Also each to their own but shirtless Sulu is infinitely more attractive than shirtless Kirk.

The Enemy Within: Bad. Women at Warp podcast said it best, it’s bad because they say the evil Kirk is still Kirk and is needed for him to be a good captain/person. This could’ve been ok if he didn’t do something so irredeemable, or they could’ve not had him be defined as a true and necessary part of Kirk, but you can’t have both and sell it as an ok message. Rand not being able to look at ‘good’ Kirk after really makes it feel real, her acting in general makes it feel too real.

Mudd’s Women: Women take beauty pills that make them have makeup on and men find them too ugly to marry without them even though they are still beautiful. Also said women were kinda slaves but don’t worry about it! *hand waves*

What Are Little Girls Made Off: I don’t know what the title has to do with the episode. This is the episode where Nurse Chapel is introduced even though she was in a previous episode. And she’s taken more seriously than I thought she would be. Kirk gets an android version of himself made by a guy who he already doesn’t trust and doesn’t predict that maybe that’s not a good idea. Apparently to make an android all you need to do is put one person and one dummy on a giant plate and spin them around real fast. If only the guy who wanted to take apart Data in Measure of a Man knew.

Miri: Problematic. I think the crush angle could’ve worked if it was one sided, but Kirk played into it and it was creepy, and you know, also manipulative, assuming Kirk doesn’t actually feel the same way and is using it to get her to help them. That’s my more charitable interpretation anyway. Also McCoy doesn’t know how vaccines work. Also this episode doesn’t know what puberty is, or rather when it starts. If the virus is supposed to get to you then, that starts round the preteen age. Miri is older than that even though she’s not an adult.

Dagger of the Mind: This was the first one where I was starting to quite like it and it was feeling a little more like Star Trek to me (I know this is the first Star Trek but there’s a certain way 80s/90s era Star Trek feels to me). I really liked the beginning where it was setting up this whole maybe prisoners become violent because of how the prison treats them thing and that it was challenging the viewpoints of some of the main characters, although McCoy was already team prisons are bad and I love him for that. It then went more into the lobotomising asylum type story which was still ok. The guy turned out to be a doctor rather than a prisoner which I didn’t like cause I wanted the prisoners to be humanised. Although you could’ve done a “see anyone, even ‘innocent’ non criminals can be turned violent with this treatment” but they didn’t really emphasise that.

The Corbomite Maneuver: I don’t remember this. Kirk playing poker with some alien I think. Edit: I’m been informed this is the one where the alien turns out to be a lollypop guild kid lip-syncing to an adult’s voice, which I do remember, and probably thought it was some kind of sleep-deprived fever dream.

The Menagerie Part 1 & 2:  I laughed so much when they wheeled Pike out and I finally got the Futurama reference in Where No Fan Has Gone Before. I mean I obviously knew the whole thing was a Star Trek Reference, but I had never seen that specific imagery before and now the joke makes sense! Also Pike wanting to go back there seems kinda wrong. I mean they say he’s a vegetable mentally I think but he doesn’t seem to be? I can kinda get that he’s got more incentive to be there than Vina who could probably be helped by Federation doctors but also, he hated that place and spent the whole episode trying to get out of it and it doesn’t feel like a fitting ending for him.

The Conscious of the King: And here begins Star Trek’s love affair with Shakespeare. The only thing I have to say really is, if I didn’t mishear something… a father and daughter played Macbeth and Lady Macbeth? A married couple. And no-one thought that was weird? She was the daughter of a dictator though so there was an Ivanka Trump vibe.

Balance of Terror: Romulans. Spock wasn’t sure that they were related to Vulcans till this ep, though he suspected it. How far back did they split for it to be unknown? I like that the Romulans were sympathetic and we had scenes with them just in their ship from their perspective, and they had some conflicting views with each other. And I really like how Spock was suspected as a spy cause racism and of course he wasn’t and saved that guy cause he’s the better person. That said I found this episode pretty boring and I don’t know why. I kinda wish it turned into a witchhunt situation and was more about the racism on the Enterprise, kinda like The Drumhead from TNG.

Shore leave: Wtf was this episode?! And I don’t ask that because the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland showed up, or that it was a random holodeck planet episode, that’s fine. When the White Rabbit appeared I was just like, ok it’s going to be one of those episodes, that’s fine. Holodeck episodes are fun, I don’t even mind a random magic alien or two appearing for no reason to wreak havoc, say by making everyone larp as Robin Hood, that’s all Star Trek, that’s Star Trek doing a Star Trek, what I didn’t like is this episode goes nowhere! McCoy sees the White Rabbit, we’re off to a good start, Sulu “Swashbuckler at Heart” sees an old gun that he geeks out on, cool. Kirk sees some woman of course. Also there’s some guy fending off a tiger. Random female guest star of the week rather than letting Uhura be part of the story gets her uniform torn by some guy. Then she imagines a princess dress and if that were me as soon as I realised I could think things into existence I would just imagine all my dream clothes. Kirk imagines an old student friend who is attempting very hard to be Irish (thank you Colm Meany for saving us from this).

Anyway so the planets a holodeck cool. And I’m like, Spock should beam down, I wanna know what he’ll see, this is where the episode could get interesting. And then it happens, but nothing happens, they don’t even make much of a deal of him not seeing anything. But then I thought what if! What if Spock didn’t beam down and this was another imagination?! What if he was some alien with some ulterior motive OR better than that we get to see Spock as imagined by whoever was thinking of him. You could go down a very fanfic road if it were Kirk’s imagined or desired view of him, or maybe you could show different people’s perceptions and then they still suspect he’s not acting like himself even though it’s how they see him, but its not quite right, cause it’s not actually how he is. Or at least I thought they were going to find out what was going on. But NOPE none of that happens. Instead leprechaun guy shows up again and Kirk just wonders off to fight him for the next fucking millennium! The uniforms they wore at the academy seem like they were made out of better quality material than that of a Starfleet captain’s. Poor Kirk must be having to replicate new uniforms every other day. Then they laugh I think, and sexual tension is presumably resolved. Then the aliens show up and are like yeah this planet is a holodeck we thought you’d like it also McCoy died but he didn’t and I’m like THEY DIDN’T CONSENT TO THIS. But then they decide to party.

It reminded me of a Red Dwarf episode called Better Than Life where they knowingly go into a virtual reality game which is basically the same as this planet. But over time Rimmer keeps sabotaging what he imagines cause he hates himself so much his brain won’t let him have nice things. And it’s still a comedy, but there’s an opportunity for exploring the character’s psyche with this setup that wasn’t done here and that made it boring.

The Galileo Seven: This episode was good!! In contrast to the last one it delivered on promises it made, it had a satisfying ending, it’s probably my favourite so far. The whole time I was like this should be about how Spock can be wrong and logic isn’t everything to be a good commander. But given the quality of the previous episodes wasn’t that great and Spock was always right about everything I didn’t trust them to do that. BUT I WAS WRONG. I thought it would be about how just because you don’t have emotions doesn’t mean you can disregard those of the crew. But instead it was about how he couldn’t predict their enemy wouldn’t act based on emotion rather than logic. And then he admitted he was wrong and helped the guy bury the other guy, and then they were about to die and McCoy was like at least I’ve lived to hear Spock say he fucked up. And then Spock jettisoned the fuel so that it might act like a flare but it gave them less time and I was like no you’ve learned nothing! Don’t just do things that severe without asking your crew. But then after they were saved it was described as an act of desperation rather than anything logical and Kirk was like that’s an emotion isn’t it? You acted on emotion? And Spock was like well yes but I’m not gonna say it like that.

I like that emotion was good actually. I think it’s a fine balance between the message of its ok to be different and using Spock as an analogy for racism, and inadvertently neurodiversity, but also not buying into the idea that emotions = weakness and lack of emotion, or emotional repression = objectivity. Even if you don’t factor emotion into your decisions (which would be impossible unless you don’t experience emotions at all) it doesn’t mean that you don’t have personal biases in your perspective. So I’m glad Spock was wrong for once.

The Squire of Gothos: This is Q this is Proto-Q. He does all the same things that Q does; he shows up in clothes that are way out of date (and he thinks they’re from 900 years ago when they’re clearly early 19th century) and he flirts with the captain. Oh and he has powers, maybe they were computer powers, but not all? And he goes on about humans being brutal, warmongering people but he’s kinda into it. He fights Kirk but there was actual tension so it wasn’t annoying like the one with the Irish guy. And then it turns out he was just a kid exactly like the Futurama episode, except he is a kid not 35. I think him being a kid makes the flirting seem weird though.

Arena: Kirk and the Gorn at Tanagra. Kirk fights a lizard because aliens wanted to encourage them to not fight by telling them to fight. I thought maybe these lizards could be proto Cardassians but then I thought they can’t be they don’t talk, but then he spoke so I thought they could be, but then he was the one who was invaded and was only defending his people so I thought they couldn’t be, unless that was actually just lies and justifications in which case they definitely would be, but then that would undermine the message of the episode so I guess not. I wonder how many leaders have killed each other before these alien’s negotiation tactic actually worked.

Tomorrow is Yesterday: This was fun. There were a lot of twists and turns. I wonder if it was before or after the moonlanding. Every plan just makes it worse and more and more people keep getting exposed to the future. Kirk could’ve easily just closed the door and beamed back at the end but instead opts to punch like six people. (I think this is where “a woman?” “Crewman.” Comes from).

Court Martial: What if Kirk actually did it though? Would that be more interesting? Maybe. At least here he has an age appropriate love interest. She’s prosecuting against him which is surely a conflict of interest. AND she has a uniform with a longer skirt! And it actually looks good, like it looks like an actual dress that she can sit down in and it still looks like a dress and not a crumpled up shirt. It’s elegant but it’s still short. I could see this being an option (for any gender) as a dress uniform but it would still make no sense when they’re serving on a ship.

Return of the Archons: I am LIVING for Spock in a medieval style hood. It’s giving me Peter Cook in a Mother Superior’s wimple in Bedazzled vibe, it’s not quite on that level of beauty, but it’s close. For some reason Sulu returned from the planet in 18th century gear but then everyone else is dressed like it’s the 19th century, with some medieval robes thrown in, and this annoys me more than it should. Maybe it’s because he’s a swashbuckler at heart. Apparently they had a completely peaceful society except for the nightly purge they seemed to have going on that is never mentioned again.

Space Seed: KHHANN! I liked this a lot until the end. I want to know the lore behind Data’s Dad having his middle and last name. Edit: Actually only the middle name is the same and the last name is just similar. I still think there’s lore there (excuse the pun), probably he’s a descendent of his cult followers or something. The story seemed to be eugenics bad and also the type of guy to basically be a eugenics cult leader would be super manipulative and abusive but just charming enough in a relationship. It does a pretty good job of showing the abuse in his relationship with the historian woman, how he switches between being loving and I guess charming, and flattering to being abusive and degrading. I wish that the historian woman could find someone that she can explore domination and submission with consensually cause that seems like it would be what she really wants. Anyway but in the end they just let him go? Like he tried to take over the ship but they were like here have a colony. They compared the place to Australia when the colonists arrived at Botany Bay and that it could be... I forget what the word was but basically ‘civilised’ and No NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO STOP RIGHT THERE NO Australia was already populated and didn’t need eugenicist cult leaders who were demonstrably bad to show up make it ‘better.’ AND THEN the historian is given the choice to go with them and she does and its framed like it’s good? Or at least ok? When they just did a pretty decent job of showing how abusive and manipulative he was and she had redeemed herself by turning against him? So I get that they probably wanted to bring him back although they’re probably not gonna bring her back, but they could’ve easily had him escape instead.

A Taste of Armageddon: Suicide machines. I forget the rest.

This Side of Paradise: SEX POLLEN! Well it’s more fall in love pollen, I guess, for one character. There’s a woman and there’s the music and the soft focus and BUT WAIT then the camera cuts to Spock not Kirk! Because she has taste. It’s about this point that I think the ‘Spock’s the most popular but Shatner wants to remain the star so we’ll emphasise their character’s relationship thus inadvertently inventing slash fic’ might’ve started. It’s time for a love triangle! She makes Spock get the sex pollen, which is not getting consent, and then he falls in love with her and is climbing trees and is all happy. Kirk can’t get a text back from Spock. Then Kirk and two others get the pollen except Kirk didn’t, but he did, but anyway I thought everyone would be horny but they weren’t they were just brainwashed. Soon Kirk is all alone on the bridge, then he gets the pollen and is happy to live as a poly triad but then he gets angry and it’s gone. Then he calls Spock to the ship and approaches the situation in the only way Kirk knows how: Homoerotic punching! So they fight for not long enough and then Spock is cured but he’s a little sad, there’s sadness in his voice, it’s not quite so matter of fact. Then Spock’s gf gets sad and the sex pollen is gone too, Spock might still have feelings for her but he has responsibilities to the ship and “to that man on the bridge” which if he was saying to just mean once again the whole ship, and its mission and the captain in a professional sense, seems a little redundant, which would surely be illogical.

The colonists get sad that they haven’t done anything for years because the sex pollen made them unambitious but I would argue maybe the sex pollen was right and you were better off just vibing. This episode was more interesting and less silly than I thought the creator of sex pollen would be. At the end Spock says that for the first time in his life he was happy. While every other character could still easily become addicted to a thing like that they could at least know they would experience happiness or any feelings again in their life, for Spock it was going back to nothingness.

Devil in the Dark: Spock calls Kirk Jim which I don’t think he has before, when he’s talking over the communicator and he’s worried he’s in danger, there’s some actual fear or urgency in his voice. Also the moment that got me was when Kirk wanted to send Spock back the ship cause he didn’t trust him to kill the creature and Spock was like “but… I’m not really as useful there I am here… so…” If I was writing it I would’ve played that up more but anyway, I like that they didn’t kill the creature. I like that McCoy said the thing. And also said “I’m starting to think I can cure a rainy day.” He’s my favourite.

Errand of Mercy: It’s kinda becoming the Kirk Spock show now, I like the ship but I miss McCoy. I like that the passive pacifists who Kirk was so angry with were actually more powerful. And KLINGONS! Oh yeah the orientalism, the yellow peril, it’s… it’s there all right. They were played a lot colder here, a little Cardassian maybe, still bloodthirsty but I don’t believe this guy has to do it himself to feel honourable, he can kill for sure but he’s fine ordering someone else to do it and being a chessmaster too.

The Alternative Factor: God this one was boring. But it does have a man with the worst beard wig I’ve ever seen. Now he’s stuck fighting the bad version of himself or something to save the universe. So remember that when you’re watching later Trek series, all of this could suddenly be destroyed if one of them gets tired.

The City on the Edge of Forever: UHURA GETS TO GO ON AN AWAY MISSION! Aaaand she doesn’t get to do anything :/ The usual three go back in time! To the 60s again! Oh wait… that’s meant to be the 30s? Oh. That’s some tall hair that lady has for the 30s. But at least said lady is a character, she’s a little perfect but she does things, she has strong beliefs, she might be written a little idealised, but she is still written like a person compared to almost every other Kirk love interest. “He says it (captain) even when he doesn’t say it” is an interesting line. So she has to die, I still think they could’ve just convinced her that you don’t make friends with fascists but ok. They never say what the Clark Gable movie is.

Operation Annihilate! Kirk’s brother dies, and so does his sister in law, leaving his nephew without parents. This is never resolved and the episode ends with them laughing about how Spock got his eyesight back.

[mxmorganmorph]

Things Change

“You are her sole survivor, Matthew.”

“I don’t know, a heart attack or something. It’s not like we could pay for an autopsy.”

“It’s okay, you’re going to have a great time! I’ll be right at home waiting for you, alright?”

“You want us to help pay for MORE schooling after you wasted your degree on fag studies?”

“I do this because of you. You did this to me.”

“Leave the pup alone. Because I says so, tha’s why!”

“Alright, we’ll help you. But there’s something you have to do for us in the meantime.“

“Don’t come home.”

“Matti, look at me. I know this is scary. But your Mother, she’s going to be alright. She’ll pull through. And even if she-- you will ALWAYS have me, do you understand, Matti? I will never, ever leave you. I promise.”

“Matthew Morgan, you are found guilty on all charges.”

Returning home had left Morgan in a fugue state, reliving memories that they had long since tried to bury. They came disjointed, out of order, and seemingly at random, with no particular trigger. Some moments they’d be cooking in the kitchen they grew up in, completely fine--while others they would just be getting the mail and a wave of grief would hit so hard, it would send them into hours long sobbing fits. They didn’t reach out to anyone--the only person they stayed in contact with was their real estate agent as they trudged through the process of selling their childhood home. As soon as an offer was made, they accepted it, wanting it out of their life as soon as possible.

Once there was nothing left for them, they returned to the only place they’d called home--Redwood Hollow. They stepped out of the Uber that had transported them back to the small town from the airport, lugging a pink suitcase behind them with one hand while the other hugged a manila folder tightly against their chest. They squinted and blinked at the rising sun, wishing they’d worn one of their hats with a brim, rather than their typical black beanie.

The cool morning breeze told them that the first hints of fall were beginning to descend upon the town, a stark reminder of just how long they’d really been gone. Selling a house turned out to be much more of a process than they’d originally intended, especially with the deteriorating state it had been left in. Especially with the deteriorating state they had been left in.

With a heavy sigh, they began forward in the direction of their apartment. The wheel on their luggage caught on an uneven crack in the sidewalk, causing them to lurch forward and drop the envelope they were holding. It tumbled to the ground, with several photos splaying out of the folder and onto the pavement. A small gasp passed their lips as they fell to their knees, starting to gather everything up.

The first picture they retrieved was of three people in front of an artificial, blue background. First was a woman in a white turtleneck and a deep navy dress layered on top. These colors were starkly contrasted by her long, vibrant, red hair that curtained down over her shoulders, framing her wrinkled but neatly made up face. The smile she wore was wide, crinkling the sides of her eyes that were also alit with joy. She had a hand on the shoulder of each of the people surrounding her. On her left was another woman, about the same height but with shorter, choppier, red hair and a much more plain style of clothing--a simple cardigan atop a blouse. Despite being clearly younger, she seemed just as aged as the first woman, with dark bags under her eyes and skin pulled taut across her face. The smile she wore was small and strained. Between both the women was a young child in a pale blue dress shirt and black pants, signatured by a bright blue bow tie and wild red hair that stuck out in every direction. The smile they wore was the only one that showed teeth, a bright and shining grin.

*CHK!*

As the camera clicked and flashed, the three individuals let their expressions drop, looking away from the photographer and stretching their stiff limbs.

“Are we almost done?” The short haired woman complained.

“Just a few more, Mia, this is important! This is the picture we’re going to use for the family holiday card!” The older woman responded, sounding and looking a lot more energetic than her counterparts.

“Jews don’t send holiday cards, Mom.”

“Well this one does. I think it’s a wonderful tradition and it gives us the chance to show all of our friends back home how we’re doing.”

“Yeah, and you ever notice how none of them ever send cards back? Your friends all think you’re crazy.”

“Oh, hush. Now get ready, just a few more.”

“A few more?! Fuck that, I’m taking a smoke break first,” she grumbled, giving a half-hearted wave as she pivoted and walked out the door. The older woman sighed before turning her attention to the young child, who was fussing with their bow tie.

“Matti, stop that!” She scolded.

“But Bubbe, it itchessss!” They whined back, lips puckering in a pout.

“Here, let me loosen it for you,” she replied, taking the bow in both of her hands and gently pushing it looser, all while rearranging it so that it still looked prim and proper. She then took the opportunity to begin running her hands through the child’s hair, smoothing it out and styling it.

“Bubbeeeeee!” The child whined again, though knew better than to try and wriggle from her grip.

“Hush. Don’t you want our friends to see what a handsome young man you’ve grown up to be?” She pulled her hands away and within seconds, their stringy hair popped back up to its original, wild state. She sighed again, but gave a weary smile. “Well, it’ll have to do. It’s important Matti, that we all look our very best. No matter what happens, you always have to smile.”

Despite everything they’d gone through, Morgan had made an effort to dress up coming back to Redwood Hollow. “Dress up” was probably a strong term for it, as they were in the usual, dark casual wear they were best known for out of their drag. They were no longer in the tank top and sweats they’d worn almost every day while at home, nor was their hair the unkempt mess that they’d let it grow to over the months. At the very least, it now stuck out in a styled fashion from beneath their beanie. In all regards, they looked exactly the same as the day they had left, as if nothing had happened at all. They hardly believed themselves to be a well-beloved figure in town that everyone missed, but they did know that at least a few people were going to ask where they’ve been and how they’ve been doing. Morgan had spent the entire trip home preparing and practicing these answers, putting on their best face and their most winning smile.

The next picture they retrieved was outdoors. The edges were lined with beautiful greenery and distinguished looking white marble buildings, which people in the background were walking through from every direction. In the center of the picture was a large and imposing fountain with lavish design, with water cascading from ivory statues. Standing in front of that fountain was a young individual with wild but much longer red hair pulled back behind their shoulders. Holding it all down was a wide brimmed square black cap with a golden tassle hanging from it, which matched the flowing black robes they were wearing and the golden cord that hung around their neck. They held their hands up in a dramatic and flourishing pose, teeth shining in a bright grin.

“Ooooh! This is all so exciting!” A much older woman called as she lowered the camera, motioning the other to approach her.

The young person lowered their arms with a sigh, their grin dropping into a much smaller, much more exhausted smile as they walked across the plaza, where many other gowned individuals were also getting their picture taken in front of the ostentatious landmark. Once together, the woman threw her arms around them, squeezing them tight.

“To think, my little Matti graduating college! And me, getting to witness it!” She chirped, squeezing them once more before finally letting go. “Now come on, show me the rest of your campus! It’s not every day I get to visit a prestigious university, you know.”

Responding only with a nod, they started leading her down the path towards one of the many buildings that surrounded the quad. As the two walked together, the woman glanced over at the other, who at this point had grown taller than her. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“You’re being awfully quiet. What’s wrong?”

“Huh? Oh, nothing, Bubbe, I’m fine,” they replied, once again putting on that winning smile.

“Matti...” She warned. They shifted uncomfortably before finally sighing.

“Could Mom really not come?”

The woman looked surprised for a moment before her expression and gaze fell to the pavement. “Your Mother...she’s in one of her states right now,” she explained carefully, though they both knew what that really meant. Still, putting on her own smile, she looked back up at the other. “But she wanted me to let you know how very proud she is of you. And how much she wished she could’ve been here.”

“Right,” they replied, seemingly not convinced. They kept their gaze forward until they felt a hand on their shoulder, causing them to glance over.

“Regardless, I’M proud of you, Matti. What you’ve accomplished over these last few years is incredible and I need you to know that I recognize everything you’ve done to get here. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

“I know.”

“...That’s not the only thing, is it?”

A heavy silence hung between them before they admitted, “I don’t want to go back home.”

The woman looked like she had just been struck, eyes wide in shock. As the confession sunk in, she swallowed hard and looked away. “...I see.”

“Bubbe, it’s not because of YOU,” they backpedaled, stumbling over their words. “It’s just-- It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I was supposed to graduate, get a job, get my own place, start my own life. I was going to rent myself a nice apartment that I could dress up in whatever way I liked and have you come visit and see how much progress I’ve made. I’m not supposed to just-- move back home. If I was going to end up back where I started, why did I even bother getting a degree?”

“Matti...those things will still happen. You’ll find work, eventually.”

“Yeah, with a Queer Studies degree? If I can’t find work in my field in a liberal city like this, how the hell am I supposed to find anything back in West Virginia?” The woman’s mouth opened before closing again, not having an answer.

“...I wasted everyone’s time and money. I should’ve studied something useful,” they said when she didn’t respond. They felt a bony hand squeeze their shoulder.

“You studied something that you were passionate about and makes you happy. You learned so much more than me or your Mother ever could and regardless of what anyone thinks--you got an education. That counts for something.” This time, it was their turn not to respond, staring ahead.

“...And hey, if all else fails, you can always become a beautician just like your old Bubbe, eh?” She said, voice lilting upwards to try and lift the mood.

“Yeah,” they snorted, “I’m sure Mom will be thrilled at the idea of paying for even MORE schooling.”

“We can work something out. Whatever it is you want to do with your life, Matti, I’m positive you can make it happen.”

“That’s just it. I don’t know what I want to do.”

Morgan was now in possession of more money than they ever thought they’d see in their life. However, once it became clear to Redwood College that they wouldn’t be returning in time for the fall semester, the school eliminated their contract. They supposed it couldn’t be helped. They were just an adjunct after all, so it’s not like there was any reason to actually keep them around. Regardless, it was probably their time to go anyway. Sure, it was the first ever job they’d had in the field they actually studied, but they did NOT know how to be an educator. The fact that the college had even hired them at all with no educational background was a miracle in and of itself. In between the terrible essays, the lectures that only half the class listened to, and having to pull teeth to facilitate class discussion--them being a professor had not been working out. But now, with earning money to survive no longer being a concern, what were they supposed to do with themselves?

The last spilled picture that they gathered was much older than the previous two, worn and crinkled slightly from age. The faded photo was of a couple standing in the middle of a town square, their arms wrapped around each other. One was a woman with long, wavy red hair, an orange sundress, and a beaming grin. The man was much shorter and rounder, with wild, stringy brown hair that went in every direction and spectacles adorning his face. Beneath the photo in the white margins, written in pen, was “Matias and Miriam Morgan -- Sunset Plaza, 1969″

“Do you know why I called you in here, Matti?”

The young child stood in the middle of the room, trying to make themselves as small as possible, their head bent forward and their hands balled at their sides. They didn’t respond. The woman, sitting across from them at the end of her bed, sighed before reaching behind her and pulling out a photo frame. The green frame was cracked, split at the side and sticking out at an odd angle. Whatever broken glass there had been was cleared out and thrown away, leaving only a faded photo underneath. She held it up to show them.

“I found this stuffed beneath the couch, instead of on the mantle where it belongs. Do you have anything to say for yourself?” The child once again did not respond. She waited a terse few moments.

“Matti, you can’t keep secrets from me. Come on, out with it.”

“...I was just playing,” they finally muttered, scuffing their shoe against the carpet.

“I see. And you thought if no one found out what you did, you wouldn’t get in trouble?”

No response. Finally, the woman’s stern demeanor softened as she shook her head and sighed. “You can’t just hide your problems and expect them to go away. When these things happen, you have to come to me, okay? I promise, you won’t get in trouble, as long as you’re open and honest with me. No matter how much you try to hide it, you’ll always get caught. Do you understand?”

They nodded. “I’m sorry, Bubbe.”

The woman smiled, her eyes crinkling as she did so. “I know, dear. It’s alright.” With that, she looked down, pulling the broken frame into her lap. Carefully unlatching the back, she let the photo slide out while putting the frame to the side. Next to her, the child climbed up on the bed, going to sit on the other side of her.

“Can I fix it?” They asked

She chuckled and shook her head. “Oh no, but that’s okay. I’ll just buy a new frame.”

“Whose that?” They asked, pointing to the couple standing in the foreground of the photo.

“Why, that’s me and your Zaide.”

“That’s YOU?”

“What, you don’t recognize me?” She laughed. “I suppose I was a lot younger back then. Yep, that’s me alright, before your Mother was born. We lived in California, all the way on the other side of the country. Your Zaide was working in his office and I was working at a hair salon outside of town. Oh, but I wanted to open up my own salon in town so badly...this is where I planned on opening it,” she said, pointing to one of the buildings in the background. “The boutique that used to be there closed and they’d just put up the “For Rent” sign, when, well-- we had to move, and then Mia was born...” Her voice trailed off, fingers gingerly brushing over the photo. As the silence drew on, the child reached out and placed their tiny hand over hers, pulling her out of her trance. She looked down at them and smiled.

“But it’s all alright, because now I can be a beautician for my wonderful family. Speaking of, you could use a trim,” she said, bouncing some of their curls off her fingers. “I swear, you inherited your Zaide’s hair. Honestly, you’d just be better off wearing wigs. But come on, let’s see what we can do.“

Scooping them up in one arm and propping them against her hip, she brought them over to her vanity and placed them down before sliding the picture in the space where the mirror met the frame. As she started to gather her materials and tools, the child kicked their feet, staring at the photo with interest. The woman followed their gaze to the photo and her expression softened again, though this time there was a forlornness to it.

“You know, I really thought we were going to live there forever...” Her wistful voice trailed off as she reached out to grab the scissors. The child looked up at her in the mirror, tilting their head questioningly.

“What happened, Bubbe?”

The woman put one hand on the side of their head, tilting it back into place. “The same thing that always happens, Matti,” she said, taking the scissors to their fiery red hair and beginning to cut. “Things change.”

Morgan slid the gathered photos in with the rest in the manila folder, which they lowered to their lap. When they looked up, they realized they were facing Main Street, the end of which led to Town Hall and the main plaza. Lining the streets were countless businesses, many of which Morgan had frequented in the years they’d become acquainted with this small town. There was one though, that caught their eye.

It was an old, brick building with a large, dark window. The venue itself seemed to be completely empty, with a padlock on the door. Plastered on the glass was a large “For Rent” sign.

Morgan stared. They couldn’t...could they? They’d never finished beauty school, let alone knew the first thing about how to run a small business. Then again, they hadn’t known the first thing about being a professor either. They hadn’t known the first thing about being a drag queen, once upon a time.

They reached into their pocket and took out their phone, saving the number that was listed on the sign. Beauty school could be finished. Business management could be researched. Just like they’d learned to apply eyeliner and style wigs, they could learn the things they needed in order to fulfill their Bubbe’s dream. The dream she had abandoned in order to take care of her family. The family who one by one--including themselves--had let her down.

It was a direction in their life that they never could have predicted. Then again, their life’s journey had taken a lot of sharp turns that they didn’t expect. Every time, however, they adapted. They survived.

Things change. But this time, Morgan was ready for it.

[unspokenfaith]

Maybe I Could Have Loved You

Pairing: JJ Maybank/Kiara Carrera Rating: T+ Word Count: 2719 Genre: Angst/Humor (a bit of everything really) Summary: Emotions run high the night before Kiara heads to Kook Academy. When the boys throw her a going-away party, JJ realizes something. But all the drinking and the somber occasion makes him wonder if what he's feeling is even real.

I'm sure this has been done plenty of times, but I was inspired by the "I know that door's locked because I've tried it” line and also the Jonas Brothers song "Make It Right." We love a slow burn and mutual misunderstanding.

AO3

If there was one thing JJ would not miss about Kiara once she went to Kook Academy, it was her need to perform damage control in unnecessary situations. The way she was acting, it felt more like an obligation than a party that he, Pope, and John B put together for her.

JJ thought it was a stupid idea to begin with. How different was it from any other day with the four of them at the Chateau? But when he offered his wisdom to John B and Pope, he was met with two pairs of glowering eyes, and the latter shoving stapled construction paper chains into his hands.

Anyway, it’s not as though he was going to say no to an occasion to drink, however extraneous it was.

Kiara scowled as she picked up a broken glass that Pope knocked off the counter after a theatrical response to John B’s joke. JJ made a mental note for tomorrow to say he told them so.

“I can get that, Kie,” John B said. “Just leave it. I’ll pick it up later.”

As he spoke, she was already standing over the trash can.

“Oh, God, did I do that?” Pope brought both his hands to his face, his mouth hanging open. JJ can’t remember the last time he saw Pope this drunk, if ever.

“Nope. It was the ghost,” Kiara said, washing her hands off in the sink.

John B’s eyes widened. “I have a ghost?”

“Hey, isn’t this, like, reverse feminism?” JJ interrupted.

Kiara looked at him like his head grew three sizes.

“What?”

JJ snapped his fingers. “Menism! This is menism. Girl cleans up after all the boys. It’s some 1950s bullshit. Menism.”

“You mean sexism?” Kiara said.

He slammed his hand on the table. “Damn it, Kie! You couldn’t let me have it? Not all of us are smart enough for Kook Academy.”

She shook her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear while busying herself with drying her hands off.

“Asshole.”

He couldn’t see her face, but he could’ve sworn he heard a smile in there somewhere.

“Kook,” JJ replied.

“Not yet she isn’t,” Pope said matter-of-factly with a finger pointed in the air. He blinked a few times as though he were struggling to stay awake.

Kiara reached across the counter to pull Pope’s shot glass away. “Maybe lay off a little. How many have you even had?”

Pope concentrated on his hands for a moment before holding up six fingers.

“Seven.”

“In his defense, I don’t think he’s ever done shots before,” JJ said.

“And that makes it better?” Kiara rolled her eyes, rinsing out the glass. She might as well put some gloves on and open the dishwasher at this point. At least Big John wouldn’t return to a pigsty when he came home.

JJ took another shot of Tito’s before his own glass could be revoked. “Do you guys think I could make it at Kook Academy?”

“Dude, you literally just said you aren’t smart enough,” John B said.

“I never said that! I said, ‘Not all of us are smart enough for Kook Academy.’”

“Hey, guys, it’s a full moon!” Kiara leaned over the sink, peering up at the sky.

John B continued, “So that ‘not all of us’ didn’t include you?”

“Are you using double negatives now?” JJ closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I can’t think. Pope, back me up here, bro.”

But when he turned around, he found Pope lying starfish-style on the couch with his head hanging over the armrest. Maybe it was for the best that Kiara cut him off when she did.

“Poor baby,” JJ cooed before downing another shot.

The night air blew through the cracked window, teasing a September chill that caused Pope’s nose to twitch. JJ was sure he would be cold if he was sober, but all he felt now was a burning sensation in his throat and tingling skin that had nothing to do with the wind outside.

“Hey, where’s Kie?” he asked, suddenly very aware of her absence.

John B shrugged. “Bathroom?” He picked up a blanket off the floor and threw it over Pope who was now snoring for the first time in his life. And unfortunately for anyone in earshot, not quietly.

“Tell him to shut up, will you?”

JJ didn’t give John B time to respond because he pushed himself up from his stool and wandered out the side door, taking the bottle of Tito’s with him. Pope’s snoring faded to the background, so now all he could hear was the faint rustle of the trees and a chorus of crickets chirping from every corner of the yard. The water glistened in the dark, reflecting the stars like tiny shards of a broken mirror. In a few months’ time, it would all look different, and he was going to miss it.

“Hey, stranger.”

Kiara’s voice came from behind him. She was sitting on the roof of the Chateau with her arms hugging her knees. The full moon shone a pale light on her warm brown face, the late summer breeze gently blowing her hair.

“Kie? What the hell?” His jumbled brain couldn’t make sense of how she managed to climb up there on her own, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try it out for himself.

He stepped up to the porch and assessed the distance from the floor to the roof, looking for the easiest place to climb—with little luck. So he backed up, dropping the half-empty bottle on the grass, and took a deep breath.

“Okay, look out. Coming in hot,” JJ said, rubbing his hands together.

Before he could make a run for it, Kiara cleared her throat and pointed to the other side of the front door at a ladder leaning on the rooftop.

“As entertaining as that would’ve been, I’d rather not have you die on my account.”

“Oh, excuse me. I’ll go die on someone else’s then,” JJ said, holding his hands up. “I saw that ladder by the way. I was just trying to be chivalrous.”

“Uh huh.” Kiara grinned.

When he picked up the Tito’s and walked over to the ladder, she added, “Can you maybe just leave that there?”

JJ waved her off. “Nah.”

With one hand, he pulled himself up the first few rungs, then threw his other arm up in the air.

“Look at me now!” he shouted to the sky. But after nearly losing his footing, he grabbed the ladder with his other hand as best he could without dropping the bottle.

“Okay, seriously, stop.”

Kiara came to the edge of the roof, reaching out her hand to help JJ the rest of the way. Not that he really needed it. He was managing just fine on his own. Still, he mumbled a quiet “thanks” before falling back next to her, losing one of his shoes in the process. When he heard it hit the ground, he laughed to himself. Kiara studied him like he was a zoo exhibit.

“How many have you had?” she asked.

“Come on, Kie. That’s a personal question. A guy never kisses and tells.” He pressed a finger to his lips.

“Oh my god, JJ. I meant shots.” There was an impatient edge to her voice, but he thought he saw her blush. Must be the drinking goggles. “Like I would want to know that.”

“Well, well, well. Kiara Carrera, are you slut shaming me?”

She pushed his arm. “You know what I mean.”

“Mhm, sure.” JJ smirked.

“You are so...”

“Hot? I know. About time you said it.”

“I was going to say annoying. Thanks for proving my point,” Kiara said, grabbing the bottle as though one more sip was going to make him say something she wouldn’t forgive.

JJ laid his head back on his arms, strangely comfortable considering he was on a sloped roof. He’d take the crickets over Pope’s snoring if it meant sleeping soundly.

“What were you doing out here anyway?” he asked.

“I wanted to see the moon better. The trees were blocking it. See?” Kiara pointed to the moon, a white orb hanging over the water like a guiding light. She was right—a clear, uninterrupted view.

“What’s with you and moons anyway? Is this a Twilight thing? I thought you didn’t like those movies.”

Kiara rolled her eyes. “It’s not a Twilight thing. It’s astrology. A full moon usually means intense feelings or, like, an emotional climax.”

JJ raised a brow. “Climax?”

“I knew you were going to say that,” she muttered, pushing her hair behind her ear.

“Sorry. Continue with your...anthropology.”

It sounded like a load of bullshit to him, but watching her talk about the moon’s climax was the most emotion JJ had seen from her all day. If he had known, he would have hung a bunch of construction paper moons on the walls instead.

“It’s just that it had me thinking. The night before going to Kook Academy and everything.”

JJ’s brain was already muddled from the vodka. Trying to understand where she was going with this spun his thoughts in circles.

“And?”

“I don’t know. It’s just...I guess I’ve just kind of accepted that it was happening all summer without really thinking about it. Like, I don’t know how to feel about it now that it’s really happening, you know?”

He nodded, mostly because that seemed like the appropriate response. She wasn’t making sense, but what he did comprehend was something he had never, nor probably would ever experience. JJ had been in the same school system since he could talk, and he certainly wasn’t going to college someday. His entire life has been more or less the same. It was difficult for him to imagine how Kiara could be thinking, someone with years of opportunities waiting for her. Typically, the only choice JJ had to make was what he was going to eat for dinner that night.

“Hey, I wouldn’t even worry about it. I’m sure you’ll fit right in with all those idiots.” He knew immediately after he said it that it was an insensitive thing to say, even if it was honest.

Kiara glared at him. “I know you hate them, or resent them or whatever. I do, too. But my parents worked really hard for this, so I’m just going to suck it up and make the most of it, okay?”

“You make it sound like you’re going to prison,” JJ mumbled.

Part of him--whichever part that wasn’t completely wasted--told him he was being a jerk, but he didn’t know how to stop now. Maybe it was the liquor, or maybe it had only just dawned on him, too that this was her last night.

Much like going to school, or hiding from his father after a long night of drinking, or waking up to the sun rising over the marsh, he couldn’t remember a time where he didn’t have Kiara in his life.

It’s not as though it would be forever; JJ knew that. But he had become so accustomed to the four of them hanging out every day that he hadn’t imagined how things would change once she went to a fancy prep school. Would they see her on the weekends? Would they even have the same days off? Would she forget about them after weeks turned into months?

“Could you cut the crap? I know I’m really privileged. I’m a Kook. I have nothing to complain about. I get it. But could you please for one second just-”

“I don’t want you to go.”

The words came out before they even became a rational thought.

Kiara opened her mouth to respond, but nothing transpired. This had to be the most vulnerable JJ ever felt with her. No jokes, no banter, no crude comments that got under her skin. And now that he said it, he might as well unlock that door.

“I mean, I want you to go. I’m sure you’ll have the time of your life. And you deserve that. You really do. But we’re all going to miss you like hell.” JJ was standing on the rooftop now, and probably going to fall any second, but he didn’t care. “I’m going to miss you, Kie. You’re, like, my best friend in the whole world and you’re leaving tomorrow. And I...I think...maybe…”

“Okay, JJ, stop.” She laughed nervously, guiding him back down to his original spot. ���I get it. You don’t think I’m going to miss you guys, too? Besides, I’ll be-”

“No! Just let me get this out. I really think I-”

“JJ, you really need to snap out of it,” she said firmly, grabbing his shoulders. “Before you say something stupid.”

“How do you even know what I’m going to say?”

“Because I know you. I’ve watched you do it so many times, especially when you’re…” She gestured vaguely. “Like this.”

JJ shook his head, searching for the right words. This wasn’t at all where he was expecting the conversation to go. The worst part was he had nothing to prove her wrong. Even if he didn’t always remember it the next day, he couldn’t deny that he’s had similar interactions with who knows how many girls.

“And that’s not a bad thing! But I just don’t want you to say something that you’ll regret tomorrow,” Kiara said. “Because you’ll be seeing me again after you wake up in the morning, and we just...really don’t need to go there.”

All he could do was nod, even though what he really wanted to say was “again” might not be for weeks. JJ looked anywhere but at her. If he could go back to mere minutes ago when the only wracking his mind was Pope’s obnoxious snoring, he would. Now he wasn’t quite sure where to go from here.

Kiara pulled him into a hug, his face pressed into her shoulder. They stayed like that for a few minutes, unspoken thoughts drifting away with the wind until they disappeared into the midnight sky. Maybe she was right. Maybe JJ did get caught up in the moment, and in his drunken state confused all of the emotions running through his head. Maybe the warm feeling in his stomach was just the alcohol and not Kiara’s hand on the back of his neck.

When she finally pulled away, a chill went down his spine.

“Well, I should probably get going. Big day and all tomorrow. But you…” Kiara poked his chest. “Need to go to bed. Or drink some water or something.”

JJ laughed, but it came out more like a cough. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll go do that.”

“I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Only now did JJ meet her gaze. Her eyes were glistening with moonlight, and something else, too.

“You’ll come crawling back.” JJ managed a smile. “You’re going to miss all our craziness.”

She laughed. “You’re not wrong. Plus, I don’t think you guys can survive a week without me.”

“You’re not wrong.”

The smirk on her face was contagious, and the breeze pushed her hair so that it clung to her mouth. Without really thinking, JJ reached across to tuck it back behind her ear. His hand lingered longer than necessary, and he didn’t realize he was staring until Kiara cleared her throat and stood up.

“Um...I’m going back down to say goodbye,” she said, handing him the bottle of Tito’s. “And don’t have any more of that.”

JJ saluted her. “Yes, ma’am.”

He watched her climb down the ladder, and couldn’t help but feel like she was avoiding his gaze on purpose. When she reached the bottom, he caught her sad smile before she disappeared through the front door.

After staring at the moon for a while, and thinking about emotional climaxes, and the inexplicable look on Kiara’s face when he touched her face, he fell asleep. She was right about one thing. When JJ woke up the next morning, he would regret a lot of what happened last night. But she was wrong, too. He couldn’t regret something he never got to tell her. Because when the sun rose and the rooster crowed, he didn’t feel any differently.

[tomiyeee]

9& 16 for the ask!

under cut cuz long lol

9) Thoughts on the redesigns?

vert with a goatee feels fitting. it’d be hard to change the main character much more than that and i’ve already long been warmed up to goatees on characters since, what...ffxv? so i like it. wish they had made his surferness more apparent, but his design is too sexy as is to fit that anywhere without destroying the aesthetic. the tank top’s good enough and it’s cute as hell anyway. 9.5/10

kadeem is vastly different, but both versions look good, tho Acc does have more recognizable features (primarily the hair) which makes that version easier to draw. that’s part of the reason i haven’t drawn much banj/kadeem since they are the hardest for me :( there’s just not much to ‘em. 7/10

lani is certainly a lot more unique in Acc. the hoop earrings are a nice touch, even if they may not be practical as a mechanic. i applaud her for being confident enough to work with large machinery and cars without ripping her ears off. i appreciate that they didn’t go overboard with her hawai’i background, though they very easily could have; she’s just someone who happens to be from hawai’i and i love that bc same hat. wish she couldve been more differentiated from karma, tho that’d probably be better solved on karma’s side than lani’s. blue girl w/pale skin and black ponytail is already taken, make karma a red head or smth. also my friend mentioned giving lani a more neutral, less teku-themed color scheme, like purple and yeah. also ditch the bug eyes, they’re always unsettling to look at on her, tone, and taro. 8/10

markie has an excuse. 1/10

kurt got more boring in both aesthetic and personality. street breed had the coolest uniforms and overall theme, but in Acc kurt has the messiest outfit on teku--everyone else has pretty coherent outfits that u can kinda get the gist of and draw from memory with one glance. his just looks like a mess of colors and graphics slapped onto a skin-tight jumpsuit. what is that shit on his legs. haircut bad too. he’s at least recognizable. 5/10

taro...honestly i think i’ve built up an immunity to acceleracers proportions enough to not have a visceral reaction to seeing him anymore. a lot of it really is just amplified by his disproportionately sexy WR design. i wish they had kept some semblance of his original design for consistency’s sake, but on it’s own it’s not really any more or less fucked up than any other Acc designs. purple lipstick bad. that outfit? burn it. sir you are a millionaire, stop digging in the trash for clothing. go buy urself something nice and buy some clothes for ur friends too while ur at it. 3/10

WR tezla looks marginally better than Acc (or what is the other way around? dont remember) but his full body cast is stupid. chin pistons??? moon shoes??? giant metal mickey mouse gloves??? what are you doing old man?? 4/10

gelorum got worse but more iconic. her WR design looked cooler and fit her vibes better but looked generic; if you saw fanart of her w/o context it’d prob be hard to recognize what she’s from. Acc is much better in that regard but the hair style is weird and the green face lines are cool in concept but could’ve been done better. collar feels out of place, would replace with just a higher collar on the dress. design overall feels very off-balance, with most of the details and non-black colors only at the top and left (with her arm) and the bottom 80% just being a plain black dress. most of the robot parts don’t make sense no matter how you look at it--why just the one robot arm? why the green face lines/forehead plate? why the collar?--and just feel slapped on for the hell of it. good concept, poor execution. 3/10

16) Any crossover/AU ideas?

so many...gonna dump em all here since i realize i dont think ive put these anywhere outside our discord

httyd - i’ve actually posted designs for synkro, bassline, and nightlife as well as a drone as dragons. there’s also a power rage nadder that i never posted anywhere. it’s not a finalized design, just the first iteration that i never bothered to go back n refine at all.

tf2 - ...yeah

overwatch - not much thought put into this beyond vague similarities, but still fun to think about :)

(incomplete) pokemon teams - never got the chance to go thru n find 6 for each of em, but some do have types/themes. asterisks are their aces.

[emybain]

Quarantine: Renegades Edition

so please don’t take this seriously. i honestly don’t remember writing half of it, but it be like that. this is simply a glimpse into the lives of Nova and Adrian during a global pandemic, aka snippets of the few months they’re in quarantine together. also, happy birthday to my girl nova. there’s a bonus/crack scene at the end that was inspired by tiktok, as well. i regret nothing (other than this poorly written fic)

ao3

“They’re saying this thing could spread into June, July, maybe even August,” Adrian said, relaxing back into the leather couch, pulling the laptop with him. Nova adjusted against him, pulling the blanket over her legs just a little higher as the AC powered on. 

“That’s if people keep being dumbasses,” Danna replied from behind the screen, leaning forward to rest her head in her palm. “It’s our job as citizens to prevent the spread of this disease. Why can’t people get that through their thick heads?”

Nova and Adrian were on a video call with the rest of their friends, who were all also quarantined in their homes. Nova had her own apartment, but at the very start of this outbreak—a new disease that was rapidly spreading around the world—she decided that quarantining by herself for an unknown amount of time wouldn’t be good for her mental health, so she packed up clothing and other essentials and headed over to the Everhart-Westwood residence. Not to mention that a mansion was vastly better than a one room apartment. Oh yeah, and she supposed being stuck with her boyfriend every day wasn’t so bad. 

“They’re being ignorant,” Nova chipped in. “People think that they’re immune, or that this virus is being blown out of proportion.”

“When they get sick, I’ll laugh.” Ruby popped a cracker in her mouth before the camera became blurry as she moved. She appeared to have shifted from lying on her back to her stomach from a spot on her bed. There was minimal background noise from her end, which was suspicious since she shared a room with two teenage boys. They must’ve been off playing video games, probably who Max was laughing with from his room upstairs. 

Narcissa poked her head out from behind a lengthy book from her place on Danna’s bed in the background of Danna’s screen.. Like Nova, she lived by herself, and would rather be with her significant other than be alone. “This isn’t the first time a pandemic has spread throughout the world. There was the European Virus fifty years ago, coronavirus back in the 21st century, the Spanish Flu in the 20th century, and so on and so forth.” She waved a hand in the air. “Hopefully, people will come to their senses. History always repeats itself, no matter how hard we may try to prevent it.”

“Thanks for the optimistic input, babe.” Danna rolled her eyes and cast a glance back at her girlfriend.

“It’s what I do,” Narcissa replied, returning her attention back to her book, but there was a smile on her face. 

“Well, maybe when things start to calm down a bit, we can all hang out. A picnic or in cars or something.” Oscar shrugged. “Six feet apart, of course. I’m not about to catch something from you nasty people.

“Did you just suggest a picnic?” Ruby snorted. “You might want to check your temperature. I think you’re getting sick.”

“You seem to forget all about the many picnics we’ve had.”

Ruby stuck her tongue out in response, then straightened a little and turned her head to the side. “What?” she yelled. After a moment, she turned back to the screen and groaned. “Ugh, I have to go. Mom’s making me bake with her again. Maybe this time we’ll try something besides bread or cookies.” She waved at them before she vanished from the meeting. 

At that moment, the front door clicked and opened, revealing Hugh and Simon, both carrying multiple grocery bags. 

“My dads just got home from the store. We should probably go help.” Adrian sat up, leaving Nova to fall a little in his direction as she had been leaning on him. 

“Hi Adrian’s Dads!” Oscar yelled, though they were already out of the room when he did so. Nonetheless, they both shouted back their greetings from the kitchen. 

“I should probably go, too. There’s this show I started bingeing and I finished the fifth season last night. I’m dying to know what happens after that cliffhanger.” Danna leaned back in her chair. 

“Oh, is it that one you were telling me about?” Nova raised her eyebrows. “Based off of that movie series?”

“Yes! And watch it so I can rant to you about it! I’m so pissed off at the main characters. They’re just...so stupid.”

With that, the remaining five waved and said their goodbyes. Adrian set the laptop down on the coffee table in front of them, and they both stood up. Nova stretched, her muscles tired from sitting for nearly an hour. 

In the kitchen, Hugh was unloading the bags while Simon busied himself with spraying the items with cleaner and wiping them down with a paper towel. A couple of weeks into quarantine and Nova and Adrian knew what to do. They got to work putting stuff away, with Nova on pantry duty and Adrian at the fridge. 

Although Nova hadn’t been out in public since the world went into quarantine, she could tell that the grocery stores and other places were beginning to recover from the initial shock of the pandemic. With each trip to the store, Adrian’s parents came back with more and more food and supplies. Hugh had even decided to buy a fridge to store out in the garage for extra food that didn’t fit inside. She found that to be a bit ridiculous, but it seemed to make him happy. What was it with men and having fridges out in their garages?

“Is Max upstairs?” Simon asked, pushing a milk jug toward Adrian. 

“Yeah. I think he’s playing video games.” Adrian shot Nova a look, and she repressed a smile; they both knew what was about to come. 

“Has he done any schoolwork since we left two hours ago? Or at least left his room?” 

“I think he left to use the bathroom about forty five minutes ago,” Nova said. She glanced at the knock-off brand of her favorite crackers in her hand and sighed, placing it on a shelf. The off-brand wasn’t bad, but it certainly wasn’t the same. It was the type of product that you had to buy name brand, as the imitations were just a waste of money. Alas, with the pandemic, she knew it was a fight to get the good products before anyone else. 

“He’ll get it done, Pops,” Adrian reassured. “He’s been doing fine the last couple of weeks. Just going at his own pace, is all.”

“I know.” A sigh escaped Simon’s mouth. “And I’m glad that he’s able to be a kid now, but being a kid includes doing your homework.”

Nova thought of the classes she was taking at a local university. She was doing her best to keep up with her online work, but as the weeks dragged on, she was losing motivation. “This quarantine is probably nothing for Max, remember? I’m sure he does his work whenever he wants to because he actually enjoys doing it.” She shrugged. “Better than sitting around surrounded by glass walls.” 

“You’re probably right,” Hugh added, washing his hands once the last of the groceries were out of the bags. “I’m not too worried about him, just as long as I get to see his face once a day.” He chuckled at his own words. Simon offered a smile in support. 

Once all the groceries were stored away, Nova and Adrian headed downstairs, taking the laptop with them. 

__________

Adrian stood from his seat, where he had previously already been on edge. 

“Nova, where are you going?” The glare he received was enough to scare off anyone else. He had seen this side of her before, though, and was unfazed. “It’s almost midnight,” he added, only increasing the glare.

“Anywhere but here.” Her eyes turned to Hugh, who crossed his arms in response. The two were arguing. Again. It was something that was new to their quarantine, having only surfaced about a week ago. They liked to argue over literally anything, from who got to have control over the remote to whether or not Nova should be a part of their daily “family walks” to the current state of the government and the involvement of the Renegades, who were no longer in charge but were still heavily tied into politics. Hell, even the weather wasn’t safe from their growing agitation with one another. Today, everything had been going fine, for once, until Hugh just had to bring up a curfew, as Nova liked to leave the house at odd hours. 

“This house is a fucking nightmare.” She gripped the keys to her motorcycle in her hand and turned to the door. From beside him, Adrian heard Max mutter something about irony under his breath. He too, despite entering the years of being a disagreeable teenager, was sick of the fighting. 

“Language, young lady,” Hugh said, warning laced in his tone. 

“Once again, you’re not my dad,” Nova gritted out. She opened the front door, revealing the darkness outside. “And you never will be.”

“Nova, what he’s asking isn’t completely unreasonable.” Simon ran a hand through his hair and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “You’re in our home for who knows how long, so as parents, you’re now our responsibility. Even when you’re not under our roof, you’re our responsibility. We just want you to be safe.”

“If you don’t want to follow our simple rules, then why are you even here? We’re paying for an apartment not two miles north from here, and you’re not even there. Instead you’re here, wasting our time and resources.” Even though the words weren’t directed at him, Adrian felt a chill go down his spine. 

Nova’s mouth opened, and she stared at Hugh blankly. Adrian could’ve sworn he saw her eyes welling up. “I’m here because I didn’t want to be alone. I’ve been alone my entire goddamn life, and I didn’t know if I could handle doing it again.” She swallowed, hand turning on the screen door. “But it’s not like I expect you to understand.” And then she was out the door. 

Adrian rushed forward, eyeing his dad coldly. “Seriously?”

“She’s out of line!” Hugh defended, although Adrian could see the regret in his features. 

Choosing not to answer him, Adrian shook his head and went outside. Nova was at the end of the driveway, sitting on her motorcycle and looking down at the ground. Adrian approached her slowly, making sure his steps were loud so that she knew he was there. 

“I don’t walk to talk about it.” She hid her face even more from him when he bent down. “You’re welcome to come with me, but I don’t want you to get in trouble for breaking curfew.” Her voice soured at the word. 

“I understand why you’re mad, but don’t avoid me because of it.” He lightly nudged her chin with his knuckles. 

“He’s just so...so…” she lifted her head up, running a hand through her hair in frustration as she tried to find the right words

“Stubborn? Controlling? Self righteous?”

“Yes.” She let out a laugh, though it was void of humor. “It’s just...who does he think he is? I’m an adult. Even if he was my father, he can’t control what I can and cannot do.”

“You seem to forget that I’ve had to live with him for years,” Adrian said dryly. He reached for her hand and laced their fingers together. “I’m an  adult, too, but that doesn’t matter because he pays the bills.”

Nova gave him a long look. “You really need your own place.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“But you get what I mean.” She looked down at their hands, turning them around to examine the back of his. “I’m not his kid. It’s different with you because you’re his son.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to keep you safe.” Her grip on him tightened, just slightly. Even though it had been a few years since the events surrounding the supernova, Nova still had trouble believing that her former enemies actually cared about her. It was hard to trust them when it had been ingrained in her from a young age that they were the bad guys. 

“I can take care of myself fine. I’ve been out in the middle of the night so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid.” 

Adrian sighed and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. There wouldn’t be any reasoning with her, at least not tonight. He had to let her cool down and return to the subject when she had a clearer mind. “At least come back inside? We can go play video games downstairs, or watch a movie, or do anything you want. I’m sure once you and Hugh are both calmed down, you can reach a compromise.” 

“But I don’t want a fucking com-”

“Or he’ll see things your way,” he tacked on quickly. Right. When she got like this, it had to be her way. It was funny, how she resented Hugh at times for his stubbornness, when she was equally as stubborn if not more so. This quarantine was really getting to all of them. Adrian couldn’t wait for the day life could go back to normal. 

“Adrian? Nova?” Adrian turned his head around to see Max, who was squinting at them through the dark, despite the outside lights being on. 

“What’s up, Max?” Nova shifted her body on the bike to face the teen. 

“Pops wants to know if you’re coming inside soon. He needs to set the alarm so he and Dad can go to bed.” Max paused, eyeing the bike. “Unless you’re going for a ride, then he’ll leave it off.”

Adrian waited for Nova to answer, as it was up to her. Nova ran her free hand over the bike, then sighed. 

“We’ll be in right behind you. I was just...checking some things on her.” All three knew she was lying, but Nova was still learning how to express her emotions in front of others. Even in front of Max, someone she got along with as well as she did with Adrian. 

“Alright.” Max turned to leave, then glanced back at her. “You know, things are rough right now, and I know it isn’t easy for everyone to be in isolation for so long, but,” he shrugged, “at least we’re together. I was able to make it in a quarantine for ten years with no one but myself and the doctors for company, so this is easy for me, but I know I’m probably the only person on this planet who thinks that way.” He let out a soft laugh. “I guess I’m just trying to say that I’m glad you’re here, and that I’m glad our family is quarantining together.” The smile he shot her was genuine. He turned back around and walked back to the house, where Adrian could see the outlines of his dads watching at the door. 

“Huh.” Adrian watched his brother go inside. “Just when you think he’s starting to learn how to be a proper kid-”

“-he goes and spouts shit like that?” Nova finished, shaking her head. Adrian could see the small smile on her face through the curls hiding her features. 

“Yeah.” Adrian squeezed her hand. “C’mon, let’s go back inside.”

“Okay.” 

__________

Nova placed the mixing bowl in the sink and turned on the faucet. She reached into a drawer and grabbed a towel, placing it under the running water. The kitchen was a mess, although she had seen it in worse states. At least the ingredients were all stored away so that she could get started on wiping down the counters. Hugh and Simon were at headquarters for the day, as their presence was required for something Nova didn’t care enough to know about, and they figured it would be best to work from there instead of coming home. And, according to Simon, them being out in public and at headquarters would be good for publicity. It had been a while since they stepped into work, seeing as even the Renegades had to obey social distancing orders. 

Point being, they were out of the house, so Nova could do whatever she wanted without questions being asked. And she had grown to appreciate baking during quarantine, among her long list of new and revisited hobbies. The Everhart-Westwoods always, to Nova’s surprise, had sweet tooths, so they never minded that Nova made a mess of their kitchen; it was just when Hugh or Simon entered the kitchen and started asking a bunch of questions that got on Nova’s nerves. Today, she could bake in peace. 

Or so she thought.

“Mm. Smells good in here.” She looked up at her boyfriend, who just entered the room. He peeked at the oven. “Cupcakes?”

“Muffins,” Nova corrected, setting the used towel next to the sink. There was dried paint on his forehead, as well as on his hands. She had to shake her head. How was it possible to get so dirty? Well, she should speak for herself and her flour-covered apron. 

“Oh, well, same thing.” He shrugged and grabbed a water glass from a cabinet. 

Nova blinked and reached for the remote, which was sitting beside her, and paused the show she was watching on the kitchen’s small TV. “No. No not really.”

Adrian chuckled and nudged her lightly as he passed her to the fridge. “Yeah, kind of. The only difference is cupcakes have frosting.”

Nova scoffed. “The only difference? They’re two completely different things. That’s like saying ice cream and gelato are the same.”

Adrian turned to face her, leaning against the fridge. He took a sip of his water. “Ice cream and gelato are the same. One’s just claimed by the Italians.” 

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Those aren’t the same, either, dumbass. Ice cream, clearly from its name, has more cream than gelato. And gelato’s more dense than ice cream. Those are just two differences.” She crossed her arms. “There are more.” 

“And? What does that have to do with muffins and cupcakes?” 

“Because they’re not the same.” Nova had to laugh at the absurdity of it all. And Adrian claimed he was a smart person. Yeah, maybe smart compared to sloths. “Muffins are considered a bread. Cupcakes are...well...cake. Two completely different recipes. You can’t just slap some frosting on a blueberry muffin and say it’s a cupcake. Maybe it looks like one, but the flavor and textures are way off.”

“They both are made the exact same way, babe. No difference.” With the way he was smirking, Nova had the thought that he could just be messing with her.

“Don’t ‘babe’ me.” She glared at him. “Fine. If you won’t believe me, the baker, then you don’t have to eat any of my muffins. Not cupcakes.” 

He groaned and reached for her, but she dove out of his reach. “Nova, don’t be like this. I’m sorry. They’re not the same, okay? Happy?”

“Not until you’re honest.” She checked the timer above the oven. “I’m going downstairs for a minute.” Pointing a finger at him, she added, “Don’t mess with them. I’ll know.”

“Admitting defeat?” he called at her back. 

“Hell no,” she tossed over her shoulder. “This conversation is far from over, buddy.”

She definitely heard him mutter rudely how he knew, but chose to ignore it. After all, she was the bigger person in the relationship. 

__________

Adrian turned into a parking spot and turned off the car. He glanced over at Nova, who was giving him a very pointed look.

“The park? What did you plan? A picnic?” That was, in fact, the plan, but only part of it. 

Leaning over, he planted a gentle kiss on her lips. It only softened the look a little. “You’ll see, nosey.” He unbuckled himself and opened the driver door. “Now, come on.”

She rolled her eyes, but got out as well. Seeing her in a pair of cutoff shorts and a simple t-shirt was refreshing, as she had been wearing sweats for the past two months, ever since the world was sent into quarantine. She and Adrian both had been dawning the same three pairs of pants and shirts for weeks now. But, this was the first time they both actually got out of the house, save for their daily walks or motorcycle/car rides, so it was only fitting to get dressed up for the occasion. And by dressed up he meant ditching the sweatpants. 

Also, it was Nova’s birthday. Adrian hated that she was being forced to spend it unceremoniously, when so many of her birthdays had gone practically unnoticed growing up with the Anarchists, so he took it upon himself as her boyfriend to do what he could for her. And that meant having a socially distanced picnic in the park with their friends, who they hadn’t seen in person in months. 

They walked down the sidewalk hand in hand, going into the grass whenever a biker or runner passed by them to maintain distance. Adrian almost wanted to pull his mask out from his pocket, but knew he was probably fine. Besides, if he put his mask on, Nova would follow, and he knew how much she hated wearing them, for obvious reasons. They were outside, and there were hardly any people in the park.

“You’re an idiot, Adrian Everhart,” Nova said once they could see their friends, but there was a smile on her face. They were all spread out on blankets, making a circle, and in the center sat an unoccupied blanket piled with food and gifts. 

“Hey, I can’t take all the credit.” He squeezed her hand, grinning down at her. 

“It’s about time you two showed up,” Oscar said, checking his watch. “We’ve been here for hours. We’re starving.” He stood and went to the middle to start making a plate. Adrian made a face at his back. He had specifically asked that they wait for Nova until they started eating in the group chat, so he guessed Oscar was holding his word. He waited, after all. 

“Twenty minutes,” Danna corrected from her spot beside Narcissa. She looked at them and rolled her eyes. “Happy Birthday, Nova.”

Everyone chorused in their ‘Happy Birthdays’ and Nova thanked them as she and Adrian sat down on the one remaining blanket. “You guys didn’t have to go and do this for me.” She turned her gaze specifically toward Adrian. He raised his hands in defense.

“Blame Oscar for putting the idea in my head. All he ever talks about when we video call is how bored he is.”

“That’s true.” Nova shook her head in amusement. “This is very sweet, but don’t expect me to cry or anything.”

“You cried on your seventeenth birthday, and that’s enough for us,” Ruby teased. 

“That was literally two years ago.” Nova ran a hand over her face. “It meant nothing.” 

“Mhm,” was Ruby’s response, but Adrian could tell she wasn’t convinced. None of them were, obviously.

Nova peered at the food pile. “Is that Mediterranean pizza I see?”

“Yeah, and it’s all yours,” Oscar clarified, passing a plate he made for Ruby to her before sitting down himself. “I still don’t understand how you like that. There’s not even meat on it!”

“There’s also cannoli’s.” Adrian stood to go make them both plates. He knew that cannoli’s were one of the few desserts she liked, probably because they weren’t that heavy. “Do you want one or two?” 

She pondered the question for a moment, then smiled at him. “Two.”

When he returned with their food, she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“What was that for?” He handed her plate over.

“For being you, and for giving me the best birthdays ever.” She shifted her body to lean against him. “How’d you know I wanted to see everyone for my birthday, anyway?” 

“Because I know you.” He kissed her forehead. “Happy Birthday, Nova.”

__________

Bonus crack scene:

“I would like to thank everyone for joining me today,” Nova said, swirling the water in the wine glass she snatched from the cabinet. Since Hugh wouldn’t let her drink actual wine, this was the next best thing. She cleared her throat. “I took it upon myself to observe the members of this household over the course of a week and rate everyone on their performances.” She pointed to the pyramid of papers set up on the wall, held there by type. There were pictures of everyone in the household behind a white sheet of paper. Starting at the bottom on the left side was the worst member, and the one at the top was the best. Why she decided to do this, she had little clue, but she figured it would be an entertaining activity to spice up everyone’s day.

“Is that what this is? I thought it was something actually serious.” Hugh leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest. There was a smile on his lips. 

“It is serious.” She pointed her glass at him. The fast movement caused a bit of water to slosh over the side. “It has come to my attention that there are people in this household who have some improvement to work on if they want to move up next week.”

“If I’m not at the top, I’m breaking up with you,” Adrian joked, adjusting the glasses on his face. She narrowed her eyes at the camera he was pointing at her.

“I do not accept bribes.” Tearing off the first piece of paper, she began. There was a snicker, probably Max. “Hugh.” He immediately started protesting, but Nova silenced him. “No, no, no. You’re mean to me. Always looking to post up or some shit.”

“Language,” he warned, though his tone was light.

“Not to mention you don’t let me express my true self by cussing,” she added sharply. “Also, you tried to kill me three years ago and I’m sorry, but I just can’t forgive my haters like that. Try better next week, okay?”

“Hold on, wait a second.” Hugh held up a hand. “First of all, young lady, if you want to bring up the past, it goes both ways, but we’ve both changed for the be-”

“No comments at this time,” Nova interrupted. She ripped off the next sheet of paper. “Next up is Nova.” Laughter broke out in the room. Even she couldn’t help from smiling. “Not gonna lie, I held out hope for this one, but she’s got a lot of issues, if you know what I mean. Always picking an argument, refuses to participate in family activities, and is kind of just there. Doesn’t really do much of anything. The only reasons she’s above Hugh is because, for one, she’s far more attractive, and she bakes stuff for everyone.

“Adrian-”

“Oh, come on!”

“-you refused to cuddle with me yesterday and watch guilty pleasure movies because you said you were busy. You argued with me the other day on the validity of the Star Wars prequels and sequels.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “And you’re filming me without my consent. Other than those things, though,” she shrugged, “pretty cool boyfriend. You didn’t say anything when I stole one of your sweatshirts the other day, so that gets you some points.”

“Wait, the gray-”

“Max is next.” She tossed the white paper to the ground. “You never say anything mean to me, unlike some members in this household, but that could also be because you spend all day on video games. Because of that, I’m afraid you can’t be higher.”

“Hey, I’ll settle for third.” Max shrugged, grinning. 

“And that’s why I like you!” She nodded firmly. “In second place, we have Simon. Who doesn’t like Simon? You always have something nice to say, and on occasion, you’ll back me up in an argument because you’re an intellectual. I always enjoy our deep conversations, too. Truly a wonderful person.”

“Thank you, Nova. I enjoy our talks, as well.” Simon chuckled. He looked pretty pleased to be on top. 

“And that leaves us with,” she ripped off the last paper at the top, causing the room to erupt in laughter and clapping, “Obi Wan Kenobi. Truly an iconic and handsome man. Every time I watch Star Wars, he brings up my serotonin levels. Not just because he’s cute, but because he can land some sick burns.”

It was easy to say that, thanks to Adrian’s video, Nova started a trend all over the world.

[stylesluxx]

cold? chilling? freezing? (V) – s.rogers

[warnings: fight scene and an ounce of tension]

summary: in which y/n is a assassin turned lover | part four | part six

word count: 2,090

masterlist

You and Steve were on a jet, crossing the Indian Ocean going over the plan.

You were still rocking the white and red suit that, of course, went through a few modifications in the last couple of years. Steve wore a dark blue uniform with white and brown details. You remember the first time you saw it.

He had just gotten back to the apartment and was excited to show you. You laughed as he quickly walked into his room and changed. You set your book face down as he walked into your line of sight.

"I like this suit on you, Cap," You smiled at him. "The dark color really fits you."

"Thank you," He nodded happily. "I figured it was time for a change."

"You know, I'm getting a little tired of being Fury's janitor," Steve said, looking down at you.

"Talk to the man in charge, not me," You shrugged. "I'm just the messenger."

Agent Rumlow continued about the mission and you listened intently until Steve started to give out orders.

"Alright, I'm gonna sweep the deck and find Batroc. Y/N/N, you kill the engines and wait for instructions. Rumlow, you sweep aft, find the hostages, get them to the life-pods, get them out. Let's move," He instructed and you nodded.

You and Steve walked toward the back of the ship as everyone else began to gear up.

"Secure seven."

"Seven secure. So, did you make any plans with your new friend?" You inquired.

"Well, all the guys from my Barbershop Quartet are dead so, we can't hang out with them," He responded sarcastically, making you laugh.

"You really are a funny guy," You hummed and nodded your head as you slipped your fingerless gloves on.

You stuck your hands out toward Steve, like a zombie, so he could tighten the velcro.

"Maybe you can ask out that girl... the uh... the uh girl from statistics– what's her name?"

"Kristen," He answered and tapped your hands to signify he was finished.

You let your hands fall to your sides and watched him out his stupid helmet on. (You were never a fan of it.)

"Yeah her; if you asked her out, she'd probably say yes," You continued, putting a hand on your hip.

"That's why I don't ask," He said and clipped the strap of the helmet.

"Too shy or too scared?"

"Too... not interested," He shrugged.

You sighed and looked over at him as he started walking away. "Captain, this Batroc guy... he's dangerous," You warned him.

You didn't want to make it seem like you were worried about him, which you were, but you knew Steve could handle himself. You knew he could handle himself but sometimes things just go wrong.

"I'll be careful, Y/N. See you in a bit," He gave one last smile before jumping off the aircraft.

"And no parachute," You mumbled to yourself.

Soon after he jumped, you slipped on a parachute and jumped after him. You landed and took the parachute off, catching up to Steve.

"What about the nurse across the hall from us. She seems sweet and she's probably much better at tending to your wounds than I am," You suggested, making him stop in the middle of his stride and turn to you.

"I like when you tend to my wounds," He corrected you and continued to walk away. "Secure the engine room."

You nodded and tried to shake off his words as you walked to the engine room.

He liked it when you tended to his wounds? That was something you'd never forget him saying. If it wasn't obvious, Steve and you became much more acquainted with each other over the last couple of years. He might've been your first real friend that wasn't a family member. He had this homey feeling to him and while you say Steve drags you everywhere, if you wanted to truly be elsewhere, that's where you'd be. You liked being around Steve and you wanted to open up to him, you truly did, but you just couldn't find the strength to.

Telling him anything about you would mean that you'd have to be vulnerable and be able to put your pride aside. Steve was good at that, (at least with you); you knew everything about him. But you don't think you were ready to do that yet.

So, you didn't let Steve's little comment give you butterflies. You didn't want to think deeper into the comment because you knew you weren't ready for that type of vulnerability just yet.

You were walking to the engine room and you easily took out a couple of guards that happened to be in your way.

"Y/N, what's your status?" You heard Steve in your ear.

"I just took out about five idiots, you're welcome by the way–"

You saw another man and kicked the back of his kneecaps making him fall to the floor. You grabbed the back of his hand and slammed it against the ground, knocking him unconscious.

"Make that six, Captain. Oh, wait."

Two more came out and you quickly took them out with a few kicks and hitting their heads on metal poles.

"Seven and eight. Engine room secure," You confirmed and walked away from the bodies sprawled on the floor.

You walked over to a computer and took a USB from out of your pocket. You connected it to the computer and began extracting data.

"Y/N, Batroc's on the move. Circle back to Rumlow and protect the hostages," You heard Steve but ignored him, continuing the extra mission Fury gave you. "Y/N!" He panted.

He was silent for a while but you heard grunting and groans outside of the room you were in.

"Uh, this is awkward," You mumbled as Steve burst through the door and punched Batroc in the face.

You turned back to the computer and continued to look through all the files that would be of use to S.H.I.E.L.D.

"What're you doing?" Steve asked.

He got up from the floor and walked over to you, panting tiredly.

"Um maybe you need to do some breathing exercises, Cap," You teased and ignored his question.

"Rumlow needed your help. What the hell are you doing here?"

"Oooh, are we swearing now?" You questioned and raised your eyebrows in shock. "I'm just backing up this hard drive if you must know."

"Our mission was to rescue hostages," He countered.

"No, that was your mission. And it looks like you've done a beautiful job."

You went to walk by him but he grabbing your arm roughly and pulled him back.

"You just jeopardized this whole operation."

"I think that's a bit dramatic. Et je ne savais pas que tu parlais français." (And I didn't know you spoke French.)

You heard him earlier talking to Batroc and it genuinely surprised you. Steve could do a lot of things and he could do them all well, but this was a surprise.

Before we could respond Batroc jumped up and ran out of the room, but now before throwing a bomb your way.

Steve hit it out the way with his shield and grabbed you by the waist. Without thinking, you wrapped your arms around his neck tightly before he jumped up on the tables. You took your gun out and quickly shot at the window so Steve could easily jump through it.

You groaned as you landed on the ground and looked over at Steve guiltily.

“You okay? You hurt?" He asked and looked over at you, assessing your body.

You shook your head and looked over at him to make sure he was okay.

"I'm okay," He told you as if he knew what you were doing but you just nodded. "Et juste un peu," He answered your question from earlier. (And just a little bit.)

He stood up from his spot on the floor before reaching a hand out to help you up.

—

You were back at The Triskelion in D.C. and you followed behind Steve into Fury's office.

"You just can't stop yourself from lying, can you?" He immediately hounded the man sitting behind his desk.

"Captain–" You tried to stop him but you were interrupted.

"I didn't lie. Agent Y/L/N had a different mission than yours," Fury countered.

You sighed and walked over and placed the USB on his desk, giving him a look to let him know Steve wasn't letting this go easily.

"Which you didn't feel obliged to share."

"I'm not obliged to tell you anything."

"We all need to be on the same page. Those hostages could've died, Nick. Y/N could've died."

"But I didn't," You said gently and stopped yourself from reaching over to touch his hand.

"I sent the greatest soldier in history to make sure that didn't happen," Fury argued.

"Cap, I'll see you back at the apartment," You told him before walked out the office and back to the main entrance where a car waited to take you to your residence.

—

You took a shower and switched out of your uniform and into a pair of leggings and an Iron Man t-shirt. You got Steve and yourself the same shirt because you knew he and Tony weren't the best of friends and you'd get a good laugh out of it. You would usually switch into it when Steve was annoying you but this was your last clean shirt.Steve had given you a call and told him to meet you at the museum. He liked going there to get some peace of mind and you enjoyed his company so why not go. Him going to the museum was like going for a walk in the park.

You made your way to the museum and you saw him waiting at the entrance for you.

"Captain," You smiled.

"Y/N/N," He greeted with a big smile. "This shirt again? Really? What did I do this time?"

"Nothing," You laughed. "It's my last clean shirt."

You walked by the airplanes which you looked at miraculously as if you haven't seen them 10 times by now.

"You know, you know everything about me and I know nothing about you," Steve spoke up.

You had been walking around for maybe 30 minutes now. Steve knew you didn't like to just walk around and look. You liked to look at the captions on the plaques and you wanted Steve to give you any more background information he could think of. You've probably heard it all by now but you liked it and you knew it made Steve happy. If it made Steve happy, it made you happy, but you were genuinely interested in what he had to say.

"You know enough about me," You sighed and looked up to him, crossing your hands over your chest. "Instead of getting close to me, you should be getting close to that agent down the hall."

"Agent?"

"The nurse girl. The only other blonde on the floor," You tried to explain.

"She's not an agent," He said, looking at you perplexed.

"So naïve, Mister America," You tutted jokingly. "I'm fairly new to S.H.I.E.L.D., so they don't trust me to look after you. Not that that's why I'm here, I mean you literally won't let me leave," You nudged him and giggled. "But she's in that apartment to specifically look after you."

"She told you that?"

"No, but I'm not an idiot. It's not weird to you that she's out there whenever you're out there?"

"Maybe it's just a coincidence," He shrugged.

"If you said 'oh maybe she has a crush on me,' I would've maybe entertained that thought but no. It's not a coincidence," You shook your head.

He looked over at you, eyeing you, as if not believing you.

You sighed and kept walking. You looked at a video of Steve and his friend that he calls "Bucky" laughing. You looked at it longingly; this was the hardest part of the museum for both you and Steve.

You knew Steve missed his friend and that upset you but it also reminded you of your past life. The way Steve described it, he and Bucky were practically brothers.

You felt Steve's eyes from on your back and you let your body relax.

"I had two sisters. One and Sixteen. Céline and Emilie," You said while looking at the video of Steve and his friend laugh again. You turned around to face him, his face soft and vulnerable. "I'll see you at the apartment."

[AN: ummm I wrote two more parts today but like I’m feeling a little unenthusiastic and I want to be done already lol. ALSO, I wanted to add how the reader says “apartment” instead of “home” because she just doesn’t feel that connection to that space and yeah. I just wanted to make that clear]

[tags: @thisartemisnevermisses​ @thatoneperson5000​ @capstopavenger​]

[astrologista]

jason stop dying

ooooook i just watched ditf. it was PRETTY GOOD.... i only wish there was MOOORE! watching this REALLY brought me back to 2011 times to see it and i think they did a good job with most of the character design and animations insofar as matching it to the original. (maybe i’m totally wrong but i thought it looked good for the most part... also i just really love these character designs in particular). obviously the budget is not what it would be on a feature, so there are a LOT of places where animation gets recycled and many still frames. some parts are basically a slideshow lol. but i only sort of came to that realization awhile after watching, so i think they did a fairly good job of masking this... ymmv

so let’s get into it!!! 

SPOILERS a-head! do not read until you’ve watched it because i’ll spoil everything

now obviously the thing to be aware of if you are not is the fact that this adaptation is not a panel-by-panel adaptation of the original death in the family comic. all references to jason’s mother (save one mention of her dying of illness) are completely removed, they go to bosnia instead of africa, and the circumstances around jason leaving are also heavily altered to fit the new narrative. this adaptation does slot perfectly into the universe established by the under the red hood animated movie from 2011 though, without which one would be pretty confused when watching this. it’s kind of a mystery as to why they didn’t just package this with utrh and release the entire thing as a collectors edition. instead they package it with like 4 or 5 unrelated dc showcase shorts which makes absolutely 0 sense but go off i guess. anyway

i liked that they took the time to adapt the scene from the original ditf where bruce is talking to alfred about jason! (i do not like that alfred didn’t get any lines. bad choice). tbh i can’t understand why they bothered showing us alfred, barbara and dick if they weren’t gonna give them any lines..... like come on........??

HOW INTENSE BRUCE LOOKS WHEN HE FINDS JASON IN SARAJEVO and just. grabs him lol. hes smad :)

ok so one two skip a few and we get to the first branch. instead of calling 1-900 we now get to choose whether jason lives or dies. there are 7 possible endings i think i got em all so let’s see what we got here.

“Hush” Route - Robin cheats death

hgrgdggr. i definitely think this is one of the more interesting endings, if not the most interesting one. this is also the only ending in which both bruce and jason survive the bombing. bruce is still too late, but this time jason barely clings to life and survives. as a hurt/comfort fan i was 100% on this shit from the word go but then jason? runs away from home lmao lmao i thought that was SO funny because 1) hes super messed up, how is he able to just literally run out the house that is SO funny to me and 2) implying that bruce would ever not be keeping an eye on him after that is just, lmao. it’s so zany. i call this the “hush” route because of the bandages but there are no other references to hush so ok. that’s fair. so anyway jason is now angsty for loosely explained reasons but the most fun part is yet to come.

when talia showed up, i really thought / was terrified for a second that they were gonna bring up certain “events” regarding damian’s parentage / who damian’s father is but then she mentioned bruce and i was like OH THANK GOD WE CAN STILL GO TO HEAVEN. i am so so grateful to the writers for NOT going there. cuz it was damn close ok. im not sure what the implication of this route is in terms of talia, jason and damian being a family unit but i want to believe talia sees jason as a son and damian’s brother (which is how she refers to him, damian’s brother) and not... yknow. i mean. jason raising a baby is kind of like a baby raising a baby...

no actually the reality of this scene is really dfuckin interesting like. they actually go with the “birth of the demon” (forget if it was birth of the demon or bride of the demon. one of those.) explanation for damian and that is something i’ve NEVER seen adapted so whoever wrote this can have a cookie and i kNOW this is something a certain someone will appreciate :)

not only that but the implications? are interesting? so talia’s claim is she miscarried so bruce won’t have to “choose” between damian and jason and idk if she’s supposed to be all on the-up-and-up in this universe but. i’m sitting here like GIRL YOU DON’T GOTTA DO THIS HE HAS A PRIVATE JET HAVEN’T YOU HEARD OF SHARED CUSTODY and BETTER YET HE HAS A MANSION JUST GO ON MAURY AND GET THIS SORTED OUT RIGHT NOWwwww

i’m also LAUGHING at the implications of jason thinking theres anywhere on earth that he’s going to go and hide damian’s existence from bruce. because you already know he’s just going to be tearing the planet apart looking for jason so this is actually hilarious. imagine he finds jason in one piece and also a baby. his baby. he’d be like (@ talia) “OMG WHY WOULD YOU THINK I WOULDN’T WANT THEM BOTH u are tearing me apart talia......” BUT THEN HE WOULD BE SO FREAKING HAPPY BECAUSE HE HAS TWO ALIVE SONS AND HE THOUGHT THEY WERE BOTH DEAD / (lost to crime)!!!

please lord imagine all of jason’s angst probably just originating from the fact that he has a brain injury that hasn’t fully healed and the trauma of going through all those surgeries probably gave him a lot of fear / paranoia about bruce and associating him with the joker because his neural pathways are all messed up but after he leaves he starts slowly healing back and regaining some of his lost sanity and thats when he realizes he misses bruce so much... but hes also raising his child... and every day it gets more difficult for him not to just take damian and bring him home and i ;v;

anyway i thought this route, while it had a few inconsistencies in it, was really freaking interesting and it gave me feels and plot bunnies and is probably the one i want to write about the MOST despite the fact that baby damian looks like a character from one of those web flash games in this lol

“True” End - Jason Dies

now if you select that jason dies the route basically defaults to the canon of under the red hood and the fact that utrh does not come packaged with this movie is a rather mystifying choice to me as i don’t think this adaptation would stand on its own very well. like you need quite a bit of background to really get anything out of watching this on its own, which is probably why it’s classified as a “short” and not as its own movie.

instead of showing all of utrh, it seems they took the opportunity to give a ~30 minute recap of utrh with basically entirely reused animation but they allow bruce to sort of. give his dvd commentary over it.

the biggest feeling i have on this is that it’s sad that they had to waste 30 minutes like this that could’ve been used to do something new and much more interesting, but honestly i’m not mad. it seems kind of obvious that this choice was probably made for budget and/or runtime reasons because a short does not get the same budget set aside as a full length feature film does. so they basically took the option of recycling 30 minutes of animation from the movie and dubbing new audio over it.

in evangelion they ran out of budget and that’s why the last two episodes consist of nothing more than still pencil drawings and frames while the characters engage in philosophical debates concerning the nature of reality and human connection. and i really enjoyed that. and for the same reasons, i also really enjoyed this.

i enjoyed seeing the clark kent of this universe. i enjoyed that he was basically out on a date with bruce. i enjoyed that bruce was willing to open up for once and tell clark all of what happened with jason. but what really makes this segment shine bright are bruce greenwood’s line reads. there are SO MANY good line reads in here. and i LOVED how many times he said the word “son”. very wholesome. the way he describes how he felt during the final fight with jason? probs my favorite FUCKING part.

and then him and clark joking together about contingency plans and then they’re going to work together to find jason and i ;_; this is probably the closest thing to a “good” ending but as a continuation of utrh i thought it worked really well. i really want to believe that bruce and clark did find jason in this route and that there was some closure in the end even though we didn’t get to see it.

including clark in this was DEFINITELY the right move as well, considering that he played a rather large role in the original ditf so it’s a welcome nod.

The rest of the branches exist under a separate option where Bruce makes it in time to save Jason from the warehouse... but Bruce dies......... :O

let me tell you bout it... bruce’s fucking DEATH SCENE i don’t know WHAT my man bruce greenwood is on, but the freaking LINE READS in this dialogue had me making INHUMAN NOISES. LIKE NOT ONLY WAS THE DIALOGUE GOOD, NOT ONLY DID HE SAY “I LOVE YOU, SON”, but this man is just an amazing actor. not just voice actor, but actor. he really really really really gave it the most i don’t know how else to say it....... it was very very well done and punched me sideways in the heart and i haven’t recovered and i’m not going to recover. and

ok so once we get past that.... scene.... u have to choose whether you’re going to catch the joker or kill the joker. bruce asks jason to promise not to kill the joker but technically jason doesn’t promise so........

Let’s start by choosing to kill the Joker. Jason attends Bruce’s funeral and various members of the Justice League show up to talk with him and just generally hang out. He has Alfred, Dick and Barbara as his support system, but Jason has some other plans.

This leads to a scene in a cafe where Jason meets with a man who... something something Killing Joke, flashlight, more Barbara being used as a plot device when she deserves better, Jason kills the Joker with a butter knife.

Once you do this you can choose to surrender to the police, or retaliate and escape.

Jailbird Ending

basically if you surrender to the police jason ends up in prison where he can actually attack even more criminals so.... ya

If you retaliate and escape instead you go to the Red Robin route where Jason becomes a vigilante who kills people much like the Red Hood and you get a further choice in a fight with Two Face where you can control how Harvey’s coin lands. 

Tim Ending!

If you choose the coin to land clean face up, the thing rewards you by having Tim show up and I forgot what happened (wasn’t really paying attention lol) because i was so focused on TIM!

Prolly they felt sorry for him what with Jason stealing what is essentially his outfit (ok I know it was Jason’s first, but Tim made it cool) so they let a little baby tim have an appearance :) he’s very smol

I guess in this ending Jason gets reintegrated with the family somehow and Tim becomes “Bat-kid” which is hilarious to me but you know what it’s cute. CUTE.

The one ending where the coin lands scarred side up

i honestly forget what happens if you choose to have the coin land scarred side up but let me just say this is a FUCKED route to take, not only have you had jason survive and bruce die, you’ve now chosen to kill the joker against bruce’s dying wish, you’ve chosen to attack the police, and at the end of that you really are gonna choose harvey’s coin to be scarred face up???? choosing this made me feel like a DICK because here i am supporting jason’s whole fall to madness and villainy thing the way it wants me to and now he’s gonna die HERE? i hate it here.

interestingly enough he doesn’t actually die in this route. he ends up at home with barbara and dick while dealing with the fact that he killed the joker but the route ends with jason saying “i promise” so i guess this is supposed to be kinda sad. im so confused lol ok

So that is all the options if you choose to kill the joker, I believe. You can also make the choice to just catch him instead of killing him but amazingly enough, those routes are even more FUCKED up. 

If you do this option Jason goes home, mourns Bruce with Dick, Barbara and Alfred, and becomes Red Hood BUT with a twist, he’s entirely on a bloodless operation in line with Bruce’s wishes. OR.... IS HE?

Things then follow the events of UTRH until the scene on the bridge with the van and the guys. Jason finally confronts Joker, who reveals the truth. 

Apparently in this route Jason has actually been killing and decapitating his victims just like in the original movie, but he’s repressed it so as to not even realize to himself that he’s doing it.

that is FUCKED. also. i wanna cry because jason doing all of that stuff but not even realizing it ;------; jason blocking it out, because he wanted to honor bruce’s wishes for him not to kill anyone ;______; but he’s doing it anyway ;_____; he’s actually hearing voices telling him to kill ;____; like it’s a very cheap twist in a sense and also really quite cruel but.... damn, son.

There is a branch here where you can choose to spare or kill the Joker at this point (UNDERTALE???) but from what I can tell it seems to be totally meaningless what choice you pick because you end up at the exact same point either way, I think there’s a small variation in what happens after you make the choice but after that they just coalesce back together into the following two endings. Which seems incredibly cheap to me, I mean making a choice like that should alter Jason’s path completely but, it doesn’t! So... ooook....

Either way Jason ends up on the Wayne building and Talia shows up with a re-animated Bruce from the pit. Here’s another fun blast from the 2011 past with more gratuitous Grant Morrison dreck, remember that shit? Well, they’re gonna jam it down your throat here, too.

The reanimated Bruce is the Zur En Arrh Bruce and he’s already dead so this is all meaningless but basically Jason fights him and you get to choose whether everybody lives or dies.

Zur En Arrh - Everyone Lives!

if you pick this, jason actually gets the re-animated bruce back to the batcave and they lock him up down there because he’s still pit-mad and the prognosis is not great. but i’m not sure what they expected, he is the zur-en-arrh guy so I don’t think he’s getting better. 

Zur En Arrh - Everyone Dies!

pretty much there’s an explosion and all three of them die and that’s it

I think that should be all the possible endings there are.

By the way the different ways in which black mask dies in this was actually a fairly clever running gag lollll. let that mf burn we don’t need no water.

overall there are a couple of things i would have done to SIGNIFICANTLY improve this adaptation beyond some of the obvious ones.

- the fact that all of the branching options are branched exclusively under the “jason lives and bruce dies” branch is a huge wasted opportunity. imo this is the most egregious problem with this, i was really looking for a more balanced tree / explanation of different things. i am probably super biased though being a fic writer and used to fic, we’re the ones making huge ass trees every day lol.

- the fact that there is no “good” ending here is something i kind of expected but given the context of this is lackluster. i sort of get it though because granted, the original ditf ends in an unresolved manner but it’s distinctly unsatisfying here. i secretly wanted an ending where bruce, like, figures out about the different endings and hacks reality to try to find a good ending where jason lives and everything is fine lmao. like a bat mite ending.

- i was disappointed in a sense that the narrative given in here is so basically simplistic? maybe i’ve been spoiled by games like 999 and undertale where shit gets messy and that’s not what this is supposed to be but when i play something with multiple endings in this day and age, at least play with the concept a little bit and connect some of the branches together narratively. use different devices. i was also hoping some of the choices would be a little bit meatier like you could choose to “forgive bruce” or something cool like that lol. but it looks like the majority of choices have to do with who lives or dies. and i felt like they couldve been a bit more creative with that ya know? being able to control harvey’s coin was a GREAT example of having some more fun with this.

- it is a huge missed opportunity not to have a “secret ending” on something like this. like where. the fuck. is my secret ending for completing everything. come on. and in a similar vein there should’ve been at least something in terms of bruce and jason interacting in a “true ending”. even if very brief. the closest thing to an ending this has is the “jason died” route and then the ending where he’s talking to clark which i feel like was a REALLY nice good optimistic ending as far as this goes, but it comes off as kind of disappointing i guess

there were SO many interesting nuggets locked into this thing though. i can’t deny it bugs me how many wasted opportunities there were with how they chose to structure things but i guess it’s the best you can do with limited runtime. i thought it was really well done though, makes an interesting companion piece to the original utrh, and is definitely something that i will be re-watching again soon!! overall i give it a 7/10 and some parts an 8/10+!

[feedmecookiesnow]

Can I Stay With You?

For @hopelessly-me who asked for a Winterhawk “Can I stay with you” from the prompt list:

Not NSFW, but we’ll say 18+ just to be safe.

***

At three am, there’s an unholy sound of someone pounding on his front door. Bucky stumbles out of bed, remembering at the last second to put pants on, and wrenches it open with a very irritated, “What?”

Clint is standing there, looking just as exhausted and annoyed as he is. “Hi,” he says. “Can I stay with you?”

Bucky rubs his eyes and tries to force his brain online. “What?”

“Can I stay with you?”

He stares at Clint for a moment, then opens the door a little more and gestures to the couch behind him. Then he turns and goes back to his own room. Behind him, he hears Clint close the door with a quiet, “Thank you.”

Bucky makes a sound that could maybe be described as “whatever” and is asleep again before his head hits the pillow.

It’s seven am the next time his eyes open,  He sits up fast, still covered in cold sweat from his last nightmare. Nothing unusual there.

What is unusual is the smell of pancakes drifting through the apartment. Burnt slightly, but still kind of appealing. Bucky rubs the grit from his eyes and gets up, tired and sore from sleeping wrong, and goes to investigate.

Clint is standing in his kitchen, wearing nothing but a black t-shirt and a pair of boxers with little purple things on them. Eggplants, maybe? His back is to Bucky, and he’s humming something quietly.

“The fuck are you doing here?”

Clint jumps a little, dropping one of the pancakes onto the floor. “Hi. Good morning. You let me in last night, remember?”

“Yes.” Bucky rubs his forehead. “No. Kind of.”

“There was a gas leak in my building,” Clint says. “The fire department dragged me out of bed and made me leave.”

Bucky sits at his little kitchen table and looks at the two plates set out. “Why?”

“Why did they make me leave?” Clint raises an eyebrow. “It’s a gas leak, Barnes. The building could have exploded.”

“Why are you here?” It’s not that he doesn’t like Clint, but it’s weird that he’s here. At the very least, he would’ve thought Clint would try Natasha or someone first.

“Oh.” He grabs one of the plates and starts putting pancakes on it. “Because you live closest to me, it was three in the morning, and I was standing outside in my underwear?”

Well. That’s probably fair.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” Clint says. “I wouldn’t have if I could’ve avoided it.”

Bucky waves a hand. “Whatever.” He takes the plate from Clint and looks at it. “Pancakes?”

“Consider it an apology breakfast.” Clint pours him a mug of coffee. “We can eat, wake up a little bit, and then I’ll go back to my place and see if I can get in. Okay?”

“Okay.”

The pancakes are good, if not slightly burnt, and the coffee is perfect. It’s nice, actually, to sit and eat breakfast. He usually skips it---either too keyed up from his nightmares, or too busy to have real food. “These are good.”

“Thank you.”

Bucky drains the coffee and gets up for another mug. “So...gas leak?”

Clint shrugs. “Apparently. I don’t know much. All I know is that I was sleeping, and next thing I know, there was some super hot fireman standing over my bed, shaking me awake and telling me to come with him. I thought it was a dream until I got outside and saw everyone else.”

Bucky laughs. “What about your roommate?”

“Kate’s with her dad in California. She’s got Lucky too, so it was just me in there.” He looks at his legs with dismay. “They didn’t even let me get real pants. I had to walk twelve blocks like this.”

“You can borrow some of my stuff,” Bucky says before even realizing he’s made the offer. “I won’t make you walk back wearing just eggplants.”

Clint smiles slightly and nods. “I would appreciate that. Thank you.”

They finish breakfast. Clint insists on doing the dishes too, so Bucky goes back to his room and tries to find some clothes that’ll fit him. He finally settles on a pair of jeans and a clean shirt. “Here,” he says, handing them to Clint. “I think these’ll fit you? Might be a little short.”

“Curse of being tall,” Clint says with a grin. “Thanks, Barnes. Seriously.” He pulls the jeans on right there, almost tipping himself over while he hops around on one foot.

Bucky rolls his eyes and steadies him. “Are you capable of doing anything without injuring yourself?”

“Yes,” Clint says, sounding mildly offended. He buttons the jeans, then reaches up and pulls off his shirt, revealing a very muscular torso half-plastered with bandages and medical tape. He looks at himself for a moment, then adds, “This means nothing.”

“Uh-huh,” Bucky says, oddly disappointed when Clint puts the new shirt on. He takes the other one and tosses it in his laundry basket. “I’ll wash that and give it back.”

“You’re awesome,” Clint says. “Insults to my capabilities aside.”

Bucky grins. “Come on. Let’s go see if you can get into your place.”

They can’t. They can’t even get close to it. A main gas line has blown, apparently, and they’re not letting anyone in. The whole block is cordoned off. After an hour of fruitless negotiating, pleading, and begging, the best answer they get is “It’ll be about two weeks.”

“Two weeks?” Clint throws his arms out. “But I don’t have any stuff! What am I supposed to do for two weeks, be homeless?”

“Sorry, sir,” the fire chief says. “Can’t help you.”

He walks away. Clint stares after him. “Great,” he finally says, and tilts his head up to the sky. “What did I do to deserve this, huh?”

“Sorry,” Bucky says, not sure what to follow it with.

Clint waves a hand and rubs his forehead. “It’s fine. I’ll figure out something.”

“You can stay with me again,” Bucky offers. “It’s only two weeks. We can buy you some clothes, and I’ve got an extra toothbrush.”

“No, I don’t want to be in the way---”

“It’s not,” Bucky says quickly, for some reason desperate for him to say yes. “It’s fine. It would be nice to have a roommate. For a bit.”

Clint studies him. “You sure?”

“Definitely.” Bucky nudges him with an elbow. “I expect breakfast every morning, though.”

Clint laughs. “Okay. I can do that.”

So that’s how Bucky ends up with a temporary roommate. It’s weird at first, if he’s being perfectly honest with himself. He hasn’t lived with anyone since joining the Avengers, not even a guest, and it takes him awhile to get used to sharing a space---particularly the bathroom. But other than a couple of arguments, they manage to make it work, settling into a comfortable rhythm.

Three weeks into this new arrangement, Bucky comes back from the grocery store to find Clint packing his clothes into a duffle bag. He’s wearing Bucky’s jeans again, and Bucky can’t help but notice how tight they are, riding low across his hips. “What’s going on?”

“I’m good to move back,” Clint says, grinning at him. “Building is safe for habitation again.” He hefts the bag. “I’m just using this for transport. I’ll bring it back.”

“You can keep it, I don’t care.” He tears his eyes off the jeans and looks up. “Well. Congrats on getting your apartment back.”

“Thank you,” Clint says, apparently oblivious to the disappointment in Bucky’s voice. Bucky swallows it down and helps him pack the rest of his things. When they’re done, Clint shoulders the bag and looks at him. “Well. This has been fun.”

“It has,” Bucky agrees. “Do you need help moving in?”

“Nah, I’ve interfered in your life enough.” Clint taps his fingers on his thigh for a moment, then says, “Seriously, though. Thanks for letting me stay here.”

“Anytime,” Bucky says, trying to imbue the words with all the subtext he can. “I liked having you here.”

Clint looks like he wants to say something, but after a moment, he shakes his head. “I’ll see you at work?”

“Sure.”

He leaves, then. Bucky doesn’t close the door until he disappears around the corner. Then he turns to look at his apartment. It seems smaller, somehow, which definitely doesn’t make sense. It should feel bigger now that there’s not two grown men taking up space.

Maybe smaller is the wrong word. It’s not smaller. It’s empty. There’s a distinct sense of something missing. Like losing a tooth, Bucky thinks, and all he can do is probe at the blank space where there used to be something better.

“Get over it,” he says to himself, and starts picking up blankets from the couch. “It didn’t mean anything. You were just being a good friend. That’s all you want from him. You’re just friends.”

He keeps telling himself this. He repeats it all day.

He doesn’t believe a word of it.

A week later, he’s watching TV. He misses Clint’s running commentary, which usually ended with both of them laughing their assess off. It’s just not the same on his own.

His phone rings, and he answers without looking. “Barnes.”

“Hey, it’s me.”

Bucky sits up straight and mutes the TV. “Clint? What’s up?”

“Kate’s back,” he says, “and she’s having a sleepover.” There’s a distinct shrieking of laughter in the background, and Bucky can almost hear Clint’s wince. “They’re loud and they’re very girly. Which is fine, but also they’re so loud. Did I mention they’re loud? We’re talking undiscovered decibels here.”

“I think you mentioned it, yeah.”

“Anyway. Can I stay with you?”

Bucky blinks. “What?”

“Just for tonight,” Clint rushes to add. “Not three weeks again. I just need a break. They’re loud. Have I said that yet?”

Can’t you just take your hearing aids out? is the first thing that comes to Bucky’s mind, and he almost says it.

Then he looks around at his empty apartment, and the newscaster on television, and instead says, “Bring something to drink.”

“Awesome,” Clint says. “I’ll be right there.”

He hangs up. Bucky stares at his phone for a moment, then looks around his apartment. It’s---well, it’s not a mess, but it’s not pretty. Not fit for company. He quickly gets up and does some frantic cleaning. He’s not sure why---Clint’s worse than he is, he makes Bucky look military neat---but he does it anyway.

He’s working on the dishes when the door opens. “Hey,” Clint calls. “Door’s unlocked, I’m coming in.”

“Hey,” Bucky calls back. He puts the last plate on the rack and dries his hands. “Good to see you.”

“You too,” Clint says, flashing a smile, and Bucky’s chest gets a little tighter at the sight. “I brought beer.” He raises a six-pack.

“Works for me.” Bucky sticks it in the fridge. “So how’s Kate?”

Clint winces. “I love her, but man, when she gets together with her girlfriends...” He shudders and drops his bag by the couch. “I don’t think they communicate with words. I think it’s just high pitched squealing noises. Seriously.” He shakes his head.

Bucky pulls two beers out and drops on the couch next to him. “Well, you’re welcome over here anytime.”

“It’s very appreciated.”

They drink beer and watch TV. It’s like how it was before, stepping back into their routine with barely a beat missed, and Bucky can’t stop himself from smiling.

Clint notices. “What’re you so happy about?”

“I like having you here,” Bucky says honestly. “It’s nice.”

Clint blinks, and then a smile spreads across his face. “Yeah?”

“I liked living with you too.” He’s already started, he might as well keep going. “I didn’t realize until you left, but it was really nice to have someone around.”

“It’s nice,” Clint agrees. “Roommates can be awesome.”

They’re quiet for a while after that. Bucky tries to think of something to say, but he can’t focus. Clint is wearing his jeans again, and they’re still too tight, and they’re still obscenely low across his hips, and the casual way he’s sitting---

“Eyes up, soldier,” Clint says, watching him, and Bucky blushes hard. Clint grins at him and sips his beer.

“Sorry,” Bucky says, face still burning. “I’m---that was rude, I shouldn’t do that.”

“I’m just teasing you,” Clint winks. “I don’t mind. I know these look good on me.”

“They’d look better on my bedroom floor,” Bucky says without thinking, and then nearly drops his beer from shock as the statement hits him a second later. “I mean---that’s not---”

Clint is suddenly very still, eyes fixed on the beer in his hand. After a moment, Bucky stops stammering out excuses, and resigns himself to dying of embarrassment. “Sorry,” he mutters again, and wishes he could just disappear into the couch.

“You mean that?” Clint asks after a moment, He turns and sets his beer down, then looks at Bucky. “Seriously?”

Bucky shrugs, trying for casual and definitely not making it. “Just a thought.”

“Just a thought,” Clint echoes. “Okay. And if I wanted it to be more than a thought?”

Bucky stares at him, barely daring to hope. “Wait. You do?”

“Uh, yeah.” He sounds a little breathless, a little excited. “Have you seen yourself? Of course I want that, you’re---”

He cuts off with a surprised noise, as Bucky leans forward and kisses him. Then he loses his balance and falls backwards, whacking his head on the arm of the couch with a soft, “Ow.”

Bucky chuckles. “Can’t do anything without hurting yourself, can you?”

“Your fault,” Clint pants, grabbing his shirt and pulling him down. “You knocked me over.”

“My bad.”

They kiss again, intense and hungry and heated. Part of Bucky feels like he should take it slow, make it a little softer. But then Clint’s leg hitches over him, pulling him closer, and all coherent thought flies out the window.

They break apart with a gasp, both panting. “Think we knocked your beer over,” Clint says.

“It’s empty,” Bucky says, kissing him again.

“Good.” Clint’s hand slips under his shirt. “Off.”

Bucky tugs his shirt off and tosses it somewhere. Clint puts a hand on his chest, skimming over his torso with an appreciative touch. “Your abs are unfair,” he says, poking them. “Seriously. Like, Greek god levels of unfair.”

“You’ve got abs.”

“Not like this.”

“Do more sit-ups, then.”

“I do sit-ups!”

“Not enough, apparently.”

“You---” Clint scowls up at him, and it’s honestly kind of adorable. “I don’t need your judgement. Shut up and kiss me.”

“Sure,” Bucky agrees, leaning back down. It’s a little slower this time, a little less frantic. Bucky hasn’t done this in a long time, but he’s missed it. He’d forgotten how nice it can be to get wrapped up in this, how easy it is to get lost in the taste of someone else---

They tip sideways and fall, Bucky twisting at the last second so he takes the impact instead of Clint. “Shit,” Clint says, flushing red. “Sorry, that was my fault.”

Bucky laughs. “It’s fine,” he says. “But why don’t we take this to my room before you really hurt yourself?”

“Works for me,” Clint says, standing up. He offers Bucky a hand, and pulls him to his feet. “I have been known to fall off beds, though. Fair warning.”

“That’s okay,” Bucky says. “I’m sure I can figure out a way to keep you in one place.” He winks. “For safety reasons, you know.”

“Looking forward to seeing your methods,” Clint says with a grin, and lets Bucky tug him down the hallway to the bedroom.

***

Charity Hawktion Self-Promo! If you like the things I write and would like me to write something specifically for you, you can bid on me here!  Winner will get a 5-10k word story of their choosing (possibly longer because I am a verbose motherfucker). If you can participate, I encourage you to do so, and if not, that’s okay too! Thank you for reading!

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Denmark brings the non-modern 80s sound to Rotterdam 2021

Filler review in between me doing a shit ton of things at the same time and saving two of the writeups I at least wanted to do before Semi 1 or so, plus there’s a Turquoise carpet underway. Lessgooooooo Denmark

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Fyr og Flamme is a collective of two men, singer Jesper Groth and instrumentalist Laurits Emanuel. Together they don’t have much history as they formed in the Ben & Tan year 2020, but they have a couple of succesful (and their only prior to Eurovision) singles under their belt already, like, their first one, titled “Menneskeforbruger”, reached number one on a Danish radio top list once. Prior to the DMGP lineup release, amidst a bunch of few song and talent show wonders, they were the only act I’ve heard of and coincidentally even liked their music somewhat.

Their song, titled “Øve os på hinanden”, is about dancing. Fitting because their entry, which is more of an 80s rehash than an 80s throwback (as in, 80s but with a little something modern a la Dua Lipa), is all about the groovy music that would probably come all out after disco decade became over. Moreso, dancing of two partners and practicing the dancing on each other, somewhat. Lyrics are in Danish - first time a Danish entry is fully in Danish since 1997! History right there! Most other acts would mostly translate their Danish song into English once the language rule went abolished, but not these guys, because why they need to do a TIX and make an English song in their 3 song discography anyway. Good ^^

REVIEW

Sounds like one of those songs this year that can elicit the “guilty pleasure” reactions. Like Poland, which is mine. But for me Denmark is an actual pleasure, in a way?

The instant intro of the first few seconds really makes it a good blast of energy, because who isn’t resisting towards a nice little 80s synth. I don’t really fancy the verses being in a major key but they still feel very 80s in nature. And the chorus is really catchy, and so is the bridge, which is kinda maybe the best part of the song alongside the instrumental super 80s bits. I don’t know if Jesper is able to emulate an 80s vocal sound with his voice, but the whole band at least looks their part, at the very least, for Eurovision?

It also incorporates clapping. Just for the edgy “I don’t clap along to Soldi but I will clap to this” crowds out there. I love me some Eurovision clap songs.

But Denmark is kinda too prone to sending throwbacks that don’t add much new? Like, we got this 70s-esque throwback song from 2015, it can be very well argued that Lighthouse X were throwbacks to early 2010s boyband music that wasn’t as loud as the one of One Direction, 2014 had shades of the classic Bruno Mars of the time who himself have upgraded to sound like smooth R’n’B man for the ladies who sings about getting it with the ladies... are people in Denmark a little too nostalgic for their own good sometimes? Let me go there one day when panini subsides and check if they have a spare DeLorean, just for the fun of it, and if they keep the Deloreans as their biggest prized possessions in a way.

Overall a pretty standard dance song to dance to, if I expected some other mood being projected throughout it I’d straight up look at Gjon’s Tears staging. *orchestral music* Tout l’univeeeeeers *proceeds to moves arms like he’s performing “Rap God” in a talent show*

Yeah I like it, but I absolutely love the orchestral version posted above?? The big gall of DMGP to include orchestra on their NF while Albania’s NF traded it for a while just to have artists perform in the freezing cold outside instead... of course everything sounds better with orchestra. Smh at those who think otherwise

This is how the studio version sounds like by the way. All that review was for this. How does the studio pale in comparison to the orchestra, do you think

Approval factor: Yeah, maybe there’s some of it in me for this one too! Follow-up factor: Another broadcaster being cunts to their former act. Public outcries have been done ever since DR revealed the DMGP lineup and made them realize there’s no Ben and Tan in it, eventhough they said they would not send an entry to the next DMGP, but yet they did because they felt like it, and it was revealed in an ultimate dickish move that Ben and Tan were never allowed to re-enter in the first place. :’) Some say it’s because of prompting sympathy votes (as if Aksel and The Mamas needed any to win their NFs, OH WAIT.), some might even say it was because DR was too scared to do well and Ben and Tan were just *that* awesome. Songwise, I like their both entries equally, and it’s a nice Danish marketing move to go from one background music to another (but in 80s style). So it’s a move to an interestingly straight decent line, I guess. Qualification factor: In semifinals like these, when there are just that many good songs that cannot miss out on a final spot, some of them actually do end up in that unfortunate position unless they don’t... Denmark has a little bit of a chance? From the possible hopeless bunch I can only see one of Austria, Portugal and Denmark making it. Poland, a fellow 80s-like Nordic song, is too comedic to be taken seriously by the up-and-coming televoting community. Georgia is too mellow. Denmark stands out with a fun way of their own 80s, Portugal and Austria have decent live performances and stagings at the same time, one of which Fyr og Flamme might lack lol, but that doesn’t mean housewives don’t vote for something that reminds them of their youth years, no?

NF CORNER

Thankfully that apart from Ben & Tan fiasco you’re not missing out on much.

DMGP chose a weird kind of way to reveal entries - during 3 separate radio shows in between two channels amidst all kinds of random world&Danish popular music. During which presumably both radio stations played the soon-to-be-winning Fyr og Flamme’s entry a second time after the premiere. Like if we don’t know who’s winning already, huh, huh???

Well, there are at least some above-the-par entries, and a couple of my favourites were Emma Nicoline (synthpop in Danish which in her case of victory would’ve likely been translated in English???? hopefully not so we could’ve had a win-win in case Fyr og Flamme didn’t win) and Mike Tramp (yeehaw in English, and much different than what he did in Eurovision 1978 with the group Mabel and yet another song about rhythm, enough to incorporate live drum playing from a band member itself during the performance... their own prop drum, mind you). They probably sound a whole lot better in orcestra than they are in these studio versions, so go check them out on Youtube as well, if you’re willing. Much cheers

Also the funny thing about them - Jesper is from a little barely heard of island called Ærø, who coincidentally shares a flag with Lithuania’s, but their colors are much brighter than ours. I bring it up that it’s barely heard of because some Danish viewers (and the international ones that could’ve gotten a hold of the stream) were confused as to why Fyr og Flamme waved “Lithuanian” flags in the DMGP greenroom. I’ve heard about that as well. I know a person from Ærø. I was confused too at first. I’ve been there. And it’s thanks to that person I’ve heard of Fyr og Flamme. Ærø supports Ærø, it seems

ANY LAST WORDS?

Honestly, if they qualify (and so does Portugal), I lowkey hope for their NF to have more songs in their native language? Leonora went on to start something when singing a piece of her song in Danish, Fyr og Flamme continued the iniciative, lord knows if it continues to continue and give them a fruitful outcome in the end.

As for why I mentioned Portugal and language variety, well... there can still be winners in the Portuguese language, just it would be an initiative to RTP to invite more English-singing Portuguese songwriters who’d otherwise not really participate in FdC if they were asked to only sing in Portuguese? I don’t know, really. But yeah. Maybe.

[carsontheleft]

One sentimental moment

Summary: Gwilym and Ben know each other through an app and set up strict boundaries for their relationship - sex only, no feelings. When Gwil is hurt, Ben needs to figure out what he really wants.

Pairing: GwilxBen

Comment: I want to dedicate this to you, @laminy. I realize that this piece of writing is not really worthy of being dedicated to someone of your talent, but I wanted to do it since it were your stories that got me into writing again after quite some time. ITBASM means so much to me, really, Rami and Joe’s place in London, the flat in Aber, the boys and their cats feel like family, like home to me. I can reread the series a million times and still not be bored, I always cry with them, laugh with them, want to hit them over the head when they’re being stupid. And your snippets are glorious! You manage to answer a range of various prompts and every single one of them is so well-crafted, so full of feelings, I’ve actually turned on the notifications for your blog so I’ll never miss a post. If this is wildly inappropriate, if you don‘t like this one-shot at all, please feel free to ignore it. This is just something I wanted to say (and yes, I totally missed the deadline from the Appreciate the Queen Creators Day...). This blog has like 2 followers but I wanted to get this out here. I hope I can show my appreciation this way, because your writing (and subsequently you?) just mean so much to me. I hope you can somehow enjoy this <3

//

When Ben’s phone rings he’s on his way to the hospital. The caller ID says Sex on LEGS and he has to bite down on his lower lip not to laugh. It’s what Gwilym described himself as on the app they met on and frankly, he’s not wrong.

“Hey Gwil.”

“Ben”, Gwil just says, his voice is deep and rough, sounding like he just woke up and it sends tingles down Ben’s spine, settling right into his crotch. “Listen, uh, I’m sorry but I won’t be able to make it tonight.”

“Oh.”

That isn’t what Ben has hoped for. He thought Gwil is calling him to set the mood for their, well not date exactly, but their date. He is an expert at driving Ben to edge and leaving him hanging there for the rest of the day until they finally met up in the evening.

“Yeah, I- I’m really sorry, I’ll make it up to you, I promise – ugh”, there’s a rustling of sheets in the background and Gwil groans slightly.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just a cold, Ben, I’m okay, it’s just a bit… not sexy.”

Ben can see him scrunching his nose, frustrated about his inelegant choice of words and has to stifle his laughter again. He also has to hold back on the offer to come over and look after Gwil for a bit.

What they’re having isn’t like that. It’s not a relationship, they’re not dating, it’s just sex for the sake of it. Mind-blowing good sex. The best sex Ben’s ever had. But nothing more. They’re probably not even friends. Ben knows what kind of rope Gwil prefers to use, but not his favorite movie. He knows the size of condoms he needs, but not if he’s still friends with his mates from uni.

Ben made himself swear to not get hung up about it. They even have a contract about the nature of their arrangement that clearly states that, if one should catch feelings for the other, he’s to tell immediately.

But Ben doesn’t have feelings for Gwil. He just likes him in a regular way, only with the bonus that he loves Gwil when he gives Ben orgasms that make him feel like the world is exploding. And he just doesn’t want him to feel bad. Like a normal, decent person does with their acquaintances.

So, no feelings.

“Okay, alright. Then feel better soon. How ‘bout you just text me when you’re better and we can set up a date or something?”, Ben cringes a little, that sounds like he’s talking to some random dude from Ebay that wants to buy his old TV.

“I’ll do that. Have a nice day, Ben.”

“Yeah, you too. See ya!”

He hangs up and fights the urge to bash his phone through his skull. Smooth, Jones, real smooth.

 His cancelled date dampens Ben’s mood a bit when he visits one of his mates, who’s fallen down a ladder and managed to crack what seems like all of his ribs. But he’s trying not to let it show, tries to stuff it away and tells himself he’ll just have a cozy night in with a movie and some popcorn.

He’s leaving the hospital again when he spots a familiar figure limping down the street in front of him. It’s a bit embarrassing but no understatement to say that Ben would recognize the shape of this back, the long, slim legs and the warm hazel colored hair just about anywhere.

“Gwil?”, he calls running up to him and only now fully realizing that Gwil is using crutches, has a brace on his left knee and sports a generally disheveled look.

“Gwil!”

It takes Ben standing in front of him for Gwil to finally look up from his task of navigating himself through the busy street.

“Huh- Ben! Wha-What are you doing here?”

“What am I- Jesus, Gwil, why didn’t you tell me you were in the hospital?!”, Ben can’t stop himself from fretting, not with the way Gwilym looks. Angry red scabs are coating the right side of his face, just like his knuckles. The jacket he usually wears for running is torn up. There’s a flush to his face that indicates he really shouldn’t be out on the streets alone with whatever’s in his system.

“Well, I’m not. At the hospital, I mean”, the taller man indicates at the street with one of his crutches as clearly not the hospital, and stumbles forward when his legs don’t quite hold his weight.

Ben immediately steps forward to steady him with a tight grip on his shoulders, whereas Gwil tries for a dopey grin but winces when it painfully pulls at his road rash.

“Oh my god”, Ben mutters to himself. This is not okay, Gwil really shouldn’t be on his own right now. Fuck not caring, fuck this, them, being something akin a business partnership, this is more serious.

“Is someone picking you up?”

“I pointed at a guy and told the nurse he’s my roommate and here to pick me up.”

“And they just believed that? Without seeing you walk out together?”

Gwil shrugs and then hisses.

“She was busy”, he takes a deep breath and seems to sober up a bit. “But I can get home on my own, don’t worry Ben. It’s not long with the tube.”

“I know”, Ben frowns at him, then makes a decision. “I’ll take you home.”

“You don’t need to-“

“Consider it a service to myself, okay? ‘Cause I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight not knowing you made it home in one piece.”

Ben just plows over Gwil, because this aspect of him, this ‘I-don’t-want-to-inconvenience-you’-thing, that he knows and that he can handle.

“Okay.”

Gwil is surprisingly quiet, so Ben doesn’t waste any time and flags down a taxi and carefully maneuvers Gwil into it.

“How did this happen anyway?”, he asks after he’s given Gwil’s address to the driver.

“A cyclist ran me down yesterday morning. Ran a red light and right into me.”

“Shit, mate”, Ben bites his tongue, cursing his sheer stupidity. ‘Shit, mate’? Really? How much of an insensitive prick can one be?

Gwil doesn’t seem to notice his inner struggles, he’s closed his eyes, relaxing against the head rest.

“So, what did the doctors say?”

“That I’ve been lucky, he could’ve pushed me against another car or something. So it’s just scabs and bruises. They might operate on the knee, they wanted to see if it heals on its own first. Apparently, I’m young and fit enough for that to happen. Doesn’t feel like it at the moment”, Gwil scoffs. He’s kept his eyes closed while talking and Ben debates if he should let him sleep.

“Looks like it.”

He leaves it at that. Gwil dozes for the remainder of the drive while Ben keeps a watchful eye on him. It’s different to see him like this, soft and unguarded, for once not in full control of his surroundings.

But Ben doesn’t mind. Sure, having Gwil in control during sex, being able to let himself be completely at his mercy is nice, exhilarating even, but he finds he likes this too. Inside of him flutters the urge to care, to protect, something he would never have associated with Gwil, but it’s there and it nearly burns through the insides of Ben.

The taxi comes to a stop and Gwil startles awake, begins to look for his wallet or phone or anything to pay with, but Ben hands a few bills to the driver and climbs out of the car to help the other man getting out.

“So, ah, thanks for the ride, appreciate it. But please, don’t let me keep you, you were probably busy before you stumbled over me.”

“Actually, I’m not, took a few days off.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence and Ben can see the cogs turning in Gwil’s head as he figures out that Ben took time off to prepare for the evening they had planned and to recuperate from it.

His face turns apologetic and Ben uses his chance to butt in.

“Why don’t I help you settle in? Just get you comfortable with a cup of tea, you look like you need one.”

“I-“, Gwil is surprised by Ben’s sudden resolve and determination. “That’d be nice, thanks.”

 Ben knows Gwil’s flat, technically. He’s been inside multiple times; he knows the cracks on the ceiling of his bedroom and the feeling of his sheets. The dark blue towels are familiar to him and he knows that there’s a toothbrush in the mirror cabinet if he wants to use one.

But being in Gwil’s kitchen in daylight, looking for tea and mugs, it’s something else entirely. Somehow it fleshes Gwil more out, makes him more of a person, a real person. Not that he hasn’t been before, but there is a difference between knowing someone as the person that ties you to the bedpost and seeing the person’s collection of destination mugs.

It takes a bit of the mystery away, but Ben really doesn’t mind that. It may paint a whole other picture of Gwil, but he’d be lying if he didn’t find it endearing.

When the tea is done, Ben returns to Gwil who’s sitting on his sofa and looking uncomfortable.

“Here’s your tea. I’m not sure how you like it.”

“Thanks.” His smile is tight and there are some lines around his eyes that betray how much he’s hurting sitting up like this. Before Gwil’s struggle to reach the milk on the coffee table draws out, Ben intervenes.

“Here, let me.”

He adds a splash of milk and hands the tea over to Gwil.

“You know, you really don’t need to do this. I can get by on my own, there’s no reason you should feel obligated to take care of me, I don’t expect this from our relationship”, Gwil says after some quiet minutes where they just sipped their drinks. On second thought he adds: “And I’m not sure if that came up during the negotiation, but I’m not really a fan this playing doctor thing, or up for it, so-“

“Jeez, Gwil, it’s not like that!”, Ben cuts in before Gwil has the chance to make this even more awkward. It hurts bit to know that Gwil sees their relationship just as sex and not more of a personal connection, but Ben deems that his own fault. He wanted sex without the added trouble of a relationship, and he got just that.

“Am I not allowed to be a decent human being and to make sure you’re alright?”, Gwil doesn’t seem convinced at all, so Ben decides, in a moment of some sort of mental blackout obviously, to go all in.

“I like you, okay? As a person with a character and not just with a great dick. And I don’t like the thought of you hurting and being on your own. You’ve taken great care of me these last weeks, I don’t think I’ve thanked you for that, so just let me take care you! Even if it’s in a different way.”

Gwilym says nothing to that. For some minutes that might as well stretch out into hours he just stares as Ben as if he just declared that the earth is flat and is breaking apart. It makes Ben so uncomfortable that he considers to either wave a hand in front of Gwil’s face to make sure he hasn’t checked out mentally or to just leave, this apartment, the city, the country, change his name, grow a beard and work as goat farmer on an isolated island in Greece.

“You do.”

“What?”

“You do thank me. Every time you orgasm. It’s a bit weird, actually.”

Ben blushes, honest to god blushes and the plans for the goat farm seem to be a really good idea.

“I, uh- I’m sorry? I didn’t know that. I just… yeah.”

“It’s sweet. And I’m sorry if I offended you, it’s just- I’ve been doing this a while now and the anonymity of the app lets some people forget their manners. Or decency. It’s…”, he sighs, and Ben can feel it in every inch of his body. “It’s generally safer not to expect anything. I’m beginning to think I might be the wrong person for ‘just sex’ after all.”

Okay, no. Ben’s gotta put a stop to this, it’s not fair to the both of them. They need to have this talk when they’re both in full possession of their mental capabilities and not doped up and/or in pain.

“Hey, we don’t need to talk about this right now. How about I’ll help you out of these clothes and into something more comfortable so you can rest?”

 Gwil is soft and pliable, which makes changing his clothes easy, although his pants are a bit tricky. Ben needs to remove the brace, get the tight running pants off, the brace back on and only then he can stick Gwil’s ridiculously long legs into a pair of soft pyjama pants.

“You’re good at this”, Gwil remarks once they’re done in the bathroom and hobbling to his bedroom. He’s panting and a drop of sweat makes it slowly down his temple.

“I was training to be a nurse.”

Ben grunts a little when Gwil has to lean almost his whole on Ben in order to lower himself down on his bed.

“Why did you stop?”

“I couldn’t draw the line between the person and the patient”, Ben shrugs and rearranges Gwil’s pillows for him to lay down comfortably. “It was so hard to draw blood from kids. Even harder when someone didn’t make it. I loved it but I figured my job shouldn’t leave me crying almost every night.”

“Mhh”, Gwil hums, his eyes already closed when Ben covers him with the blanket. “Thanks, Ben.”

“Get some rest, Gwil.”

 Upon waking, Gwil isn’t too sure of his surroundings. He’s in his own bed, yes, but there are noises outside, some clanking and a rushing. It takes some time until he realizes it’s someone in his kitchen making tea. But-

Ben.

Oh shit.

Oh no.

Gwil shoots up and doubles over immediately when his body screams at him in pain by the sudden movement. His groan is guttural, but that’s not even on the forefront of his mind, there’s Ben. Ben, who stumbled over him at the hospital, took him home and put him to bed. Ben, who, apparently, is currently in his kitchen making tea.

This is not okay, far from it, really. This goes against everything they agreed upon in their contract.

“You’re up!”

“Ben!”

The blonde needs only a second before he knows what’s going on.

“When I made the tea, I noticed your cupboards were pretty empty, so I went out to get some groceries. Just the essentials”, he holds up his hands, well, the one hand not holding a mug.

“You didn’t need to do that.”

“I know”, Ben sits down on his bed and looks at Gwil, a steely resolve in his eyes that Gwil hasn’t seen before, “But a thank you should be enough to make up for it.”

“Thank you.”

It’s more of a mechanic response, because what Gwil actually wants to do is insisting that he’s fine, that Ben really didn’t need to get him groceries, that he can get by on his own. But Ben seems to have another idea.

“Listen, I know what you want to say. Me being here with you like this is violating the contract and not the nature of our agreement. But I don’t fucking care. If me taking care of you means we can’t have sex anymore, fine. Well, not fine, obviously, but okay, I’ll take it. There’s nothing that could make me just leave you alone like this. If you’ll have me, of course.”

“I…”

Gwil is not sure what to say. Ben just said a lot of words and his sleep- and pain-addled brain is a bit slow on the uptake.

“Is there anyone you could call? Who’d come over for bit?”, Ben asks softly.

“No, not really”, Gwil doesn’t know why he’s ashamed of that but he can’t bring himself to meet Ben’s eyes. “My family doesn’t live here, and my friends, I don’t really- I wouldn’t want-“

“To bother them? You’re a moron, Gwilym Lee”, despite his words, Ben smiles at him. He reaches up and brushes a strand of hair out Gwil’s face. He can’t help but lean into the soft touch.

“Are you okay with me staying here with you?”

“Yes.”

And he really is, much to his own surprise. He likes Ben like this. In a soft sweater, with a mug in his hands. He might like him like this even more than he likes him naked.

“Do you want some painkillers?”

“Yes, please.”

Ben places the mug on the bedside table and opens the drawer to pull out a bottle of pills. He smirks at Gwil.

“I might not know how where you keep your sugar, but I do know where your painkillers are. And I’m okay with learning that other stuff.”

[justmenoworries]

Record Of Ragnarok - Review (Warning: Major Spoilers)

Shuumatsu no Walküre or, as it’s known in other countries, Records Of Ragnarok, is an Action Manga by Takumi Fukui, Shinya Umemura and Chika Aji that centers around the end of the world. As of now, it has 33 chapters, contained in 6 volumes.

Summary:

The story in a nutshell is that the gods have become fed up with humanity and decided to just fuck it and kill us to do whatever it is gods do in peace. The valkyrie Brunhilde objects rather strongly to this and invokes the Ragnarok clause to give humanity a chance to survive. The gods and the humans each provide 13 champions to fight for them and whichever side has the most victories after 13 rounds wins. If humanity wins, we keep living and if the gods win, we get unalived.

Pros:

The Premise. The stakes are high enough to get you pumped for each battle and it also leaves a lot of room for moral greyness on both sides. On one hand, we have the gods who strive to eradicate humanity and are almost unanimously presented as privileged jerkasses - but then you get characters like Heracles and Buddha who are technically on the divine side, but are shown to actually not support the plan to kill all humans. On the other hand we have humanity literally fighting to survive - but the manga never shies away from showing that humans are not all innocent cinnamon roles and even poses the question if humanity really deserves to survive sometimes. I mean, how much would you want to root for people who are having Jack the Ripper, a scumbag serial killer, fight as one of their champions? Speaking of which...

The champions. A few of you might have perked up at the mention of Jack the Ripper. As it turns out, whether a champion has been dead for years by the time of the story’s present doesn’t really matter: They get to participate all the same. Leading to a bunch of historical characters getting the chance to prove their badassery in the ring. Even better? This story follows the “all myths are true and all gods exist”-rule. You heard right: Every deity, no matter what religion or what part of the world they originated from, has the potential to become an anime villain! Ever wanted to see Lü Bu going at it with Thor? Well, now you can! Wanna see who’d win in a wrestling match between Raiden Tameemon and Shiva? Just read this manga!

The world-building. Record’s lore and backstories are detailed enough to have their own side-chapters and some of the characters’ pasts really make you feel for them. Wanna know how much? This manga, for a split-second at least, made me feel sorry for an unrepentant serial killer. The writing is just that good.

The art-style. It’s incredibly expressive and detailed, especially in the fight- scenes. The covers are beautiful, the character design is creative and gives every character their own, distinct style. And I know this may sound perv-y, but Aji Chika really knows how to draw naked bodies. Just... don’t pay too much attention to the anatomy.

The battles. As of the time I’m writing this, 4 out of 13 fights have been concluded and the fifth one is currently playing out. Each of the fights demonstrate so much personality and the match-ups are insanely cool. It’s never a closed case which combatant is going to win, each fight has so many twists and turns and the fighters themselves have a lot of chemistry with each other. Their motivations are, for the most part, understandable and fit the characters. If you can, check out the youtube - series by AmiasD Backup, you won’t regret it. The editing and the added background music really bring out the inherent epicness of the manga.

Cons:

The battles tend to suffer from, what i like to call, Anime Battle Syndrome. The action will screech to a halt at several points in order to let the characters monologue about their strategy, boast of their former accomplishments or just kinda... talk to each other for no good reason at all. Or have the background characters talk about something that just happened at length until you just want to shout “I know! I saw, I was there!”And the flashbacks detailing the combatants’ backstories are often just tedious. I know I praised them in my Pro-list, but no matter how cool a backstory is, if it comes smack in the middle of a hyped-up confrontation, it’s annoying! I don’t wanna see five pages of a character reminiscing how they once ate a bug when they were six, I wanna see two guys beat the shit out of each other to decide the fate of all of humankind! Just tell me the story after the battle, jfc.

The comedic aspects of the story are not handled well. I mean, I get it: In a story about the literal end of the world not having at least a few lighter moments would probably lead to the readers putting down the manga eventually because it just got too depressing. But the way Records handles it can cause some pretty big whiplash. One moment you’re on the edge of your seat, biting your fingernails in anticipation of how a certain move in the current battle has played out - only to be confronted with a joke about how Ares is dumb, or one of the background characters making an inappropriate comment. Add to that the uncomfortably high number of sexist and sometimes rape-y jokes and you got a pretty yikes collection of failed attempts to implant humor. Speaking of which...

The manga has a really weird and uncomfortable relationship with women. They’re either oversexualised to the point of being nothing more than a walking, bouncing pair of breasts and hips, or side-lined in order to give all the spotlight to the male characters. For example: The valkyries. The valkyries in norse mythology are a people of badass warrior maidens. In the manga, it’s the valkyrie Brunhilde who kickstarts the tournament for humanities’ right to keep existing. She’s also the one who selects the human champions and prepares them for their upcoming battles by introducing them to their valkyrie-partners, their “Volund”, and she acts as an overseer for each round. She’s about the most involved female character you’ll get in this story. Her sisters, the other valkyries, are literally objectified to serve as weapons to the male champions. One of them is brutally forced to submit to her partner, in a scene that is eerily  reminiscent of assault. You’d think an amazon brigade as famous as the valkyries would be treated better than that, in a manga centered around fighting. Nope. They just get to be inanimate objects for the guys to wield. Oh, and if a champion dies, so does his Volund. So not only do the valkyries not get to fight themselves, they pay the price if their partner screws up. Lovely. Another glaring point I want to bring up: There are no female champions. On either side. We get shown a list of the human champions early on and all of them are male. All the divine combatants so far have been male, too. And there’s no indication that that’ll change in the future. Which is weird, because there is certainly no shortage of badass female characters that could have been used in the plot, both historical and mythological. But nope! Pure sausage fest is what we get instead. What’s that? You wanted to see Jeanne d’Arc or Ishtar or Sekmet or Lyudmila Pavlichenko or Anne Bonnie, or literally any of the dozen of amazing female fighters history and mythology have produced? Tough luck! Saving humanity is apparently a men-only sport.

Overall, Record Of Ragnarok is a story with an interesting premise and a plot rife with potential, but it just has too many flaws for me to declare it perfect or even good, to be honest.

For what it is, it’s an okay read. If you’re willing to muscle through the blatant misogyny prevalent in some parts of it. And the rather painful attempts at humor.

4.9/10. Could’ve been done better.