#probably because it was all true and he knew it

[white--moon]

An expression somewhere between tired and unimpressed flickers across his features and he shakes his head slightly. "Probably not." It's moments like this that he misses when his crew was smaller. Not everyone that came and went through the warehouse crew was loyal, but it sure seems like he was more respected back then.

That makes him laugh. Still smirking and a little sheepish, he says, "In your defense, I'm good at not lettin' that distract me." At least not in so far as getting his ass handed to him because of it. It was certainly a deciding factor on why Ichigo walked away from his attempted murder, that and because Shiro's opportunistic. Ichigo was strong and a good fighter and couldn't sell him out because Shiro knew his dirty secrets. It was really a win-win for Shiro. Ichigo's response to his comment about his drug use sends a flash of stung anger through him. Ichigo's not around to see anything. Hell, if Ichigo had been around, he might have had the support he needed to keep from using again to begin with. Part of him knows it's not fair to pin his relapse on Ichigo, but he's got it in his head that it wouldn't have happened if things had turned out different between them. "You don't have to look." It's muttered because any louder and he wouldn't be able to keep the hurt from his voice.

He turns a sour look in Ichigo's direction for that, but yeah ok, fine. Not only would it not be smart to get between them, but it probably would be good entertainment too. Still. "You're about to find out how well I can still fight." He arches a brow, "If I were you? I'd totally defend my friend and then make out with you. Then maybe invite Grimmjow for a threesome." Ok all of that might be true except the first part. He'd watch first too.

This store is distracting. He's not even trying to shop for himself but he finds himself idly pushing hangers aside and shuffling through stacked clothes. Every time he's ever been here he's found something he looks great in. He stops his casual perusal to follow Ichigo to the counter, not surprised when there's no real acknowledgement from the clerk. Shiro can't blame the kid, he'd hate a job like this too.

His brows go up slightly in a dry, unimpressed expression. What a helpful answer. But Ichigo does go on to explain better. He doesn't quite know what to think or how to respond. "You think too highly of me. What would I even do to the city?" He hadn't realized he wasn't ambitious, but he supposes he's not. He never really thought much about it, but just assumed it was normal. "I assumed you liked me because I was formidable." He can't picture Ichigo even noticing someone who isn't formidable in some way. He scoffs, "No."

That's fair. "Yeah, I get it." He's a little short while he says it because he doesn't want to get into it. He's had an emotional rollercoaster already today and he's pretty sick of it. He doesn't want to sit here and hear about how Ichigo and Grimmjow think he's a horrible person. He really should just drop by, but he always kind of wonders if he's going to get shanked and if he'd try very hard to avoid it. It would all depend on Grimmjow's mood and his own mood. He shrugs. "Whatever. I can figure something out. You don't have to."

He pushes a few hangers aside to look at something in a color that caught his eye but doesn't pull it off the rack. Mostly he trails behind Ichigo, enjoying the chance to do something so mundane with him. He pulls out the most revealing thing he comes upon -more price tag and bow tie than cloth- and casually adds it to Ichigo's pile, mostly because he thinks it's funny but he definitely wouldn't mind seeing Ichigo wear next to nothing.

[respectthepetty]

Spare Me Your Mercy Thoughts

I have waited almost four years for this show since MDL made a placeholder for Euthanasia in early-2021, and now that it is here, I'm going to gush about all the ways I love it!

Just like a few of Dr. Sammon's other shows airing around the holidays (Manner of Death, Dead Friend Forever, and Petrichor), I'm thankful I got the first episode of Spare Me Your Mercy on Thanksgiving and the last will come on Christmas because this is the exact show I need for the holiday season since it began the entire series with Tew, the cop, having to perform euthanasia on an animal.

I grew up and still live in a rural area where cattle far outnumber the actual folks, so I fully understand euthanasia is a good death as the word implies, so I will not be struggling through the premise of this show, and I have faith the show won't either because when Tew fired the gun, the scene was peaceful.

And the show is making some pointed remarks about how things operate outside of bigger cities since Kan specifically mentioned he has about 2,500 patients. When the other officer asked the nurses if Kan had a long queue, they didn't even respond. Kan also clarified that his specialty is palliative care, so he has to monitor a wide range of long-term illnesses, so even though Tew might actually be from this place, he is now the outsider and out of his depth before he even started.

Sidenote: I cannot be mad at a nurse, even if one of them turns out bad because the way they all protect Kan from the police is the teamwork I love to see.

The red light to notify the office the doctor is seeing a patient coming on right after Kan responded to the nurse that it wasn't a murder case yet was perfection.

I already knew Kan was going to be my favorite character, but Tor is doing amazing showing the layers Kan has, as expected. Kan tells Tor he can cry and shows him kindness, but when pushed, Kan makes small digs about how people should spend the last moments of someone's life cherishing them when rudely questioned by Tew regarding the unexpected deaths knowing Tew did not get to see his mother before she died. He also made a subtle display of knowing where things were located in the house because he is in control.

The way he slid his LINE information into the conversation AFTER indirectly telling Tew he was being emotional due to his grief is why I'm excited to see another version of Manner of Death's Tan. Kan probably does like Tew but he stays focused and calculated.

He is terrifying without there being any concrete detail to pinpoint on why he is scary. Som, while describing people being possessed by evil murderous spirits, was terrified of Kan, and the transition from Som telling his story to Kan appearing at the exact moment Som was going to state what human form the evil spirits take was brilliant.

But what's even more terrifying is the treatment of the terminally ill. They are viewed as a burden, locked away, and isolated.

And Tew witnessed it. He got a glimpse of what Kan sees daily, so the show is already building up a case in defense of Kan's actions. If he is performing euthanasia, Tew could understand. He heard the goat's bell. He knew it was still alive, but he decided to end its suffering, cleanly and swiftly, which is what euthanasia is. He saw that man left behind by his family and even moved to go get him. And he was bothered when the man's daughter stated her reasoning for leaving him out there alone.

He also stopped Kan from continuing to question Som. Therefore, the true conflict has been set. Tew, whose job is to discover the truth, doesn't need it if it causes pain, but Kan's entire job is making pain manageable.

And I always want to trust a woman, but as suspicious as the director is being about everything, babygirl would be the perfect person to attempt euthanasia since the dead would end up on her table where she could claim the death was the result of the illness.

Because euthanasia is a good death.

And this ain't it.

He understands that.

But someone doesn't.

[writingfics-passingtime]

Bucky and queen song

Waving Your Banner

This drabble is part of JJ’s Mixtape - a mini series based on my followers’ favourite songs and characters. You can read more of them here!

Song Prompt: We Will Rock You - Queen

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader (flirtatious, no pronouns used)

Word Count: ~1300

CW: swearing, some flirting, suggestive jokes, a bit of tickling

minors dni: this work does not contain smut, but does contain a flirtatious/suggestive interaction between the reader and an adult-aged character. I am not comfortable with engagement from anyone under the age of 18. Thank you for your understanding and respect.

Note: Thanks, anon! My initial note-to-self from when you first sent this was, verbatim, "okay but dodgeball would be fucken hilarious with we will rock you" - so we've gone with an Avengers training game vibe with this one

The woods hummed with tension, broken by the occasional crack of a branch or the muffled thud of boots. The Avengers had turned what should’ve been a simple training game into an all-out war, and your team was desperate to gain the upper hand. Somewhere ahead, in the shadow of the tree-line, stood the final obstacle: Bucky Barnes, silent, brooding, and lethal, guarding his team’s flag, the White Wolf circling his den.

You crouched beside Sam behind a cluster of bushes, your pulse steady but sharp as you surveyed the terrain. Bucky was right where you expected him, leaning casually against a tree just outside the flag's perimeter. He looked calm, detached even, but you knew better. The slightest flicker of movement would set him in motion, and if he was after you, there’d be no escaping. Flag perimeters were a no-fly-zone, so you and Sam would have to take it on foot.

“Alright,” Sam said, breaking the silence. “We need a plan. And by we, I mean you, because I’m not getting anywhere near the Winter Soldier.”

You shot him an incredulous look. “You’re faster than me.”

“He’s a wall. A brick wall with trust issues and superhuman reflexes.”

You sighed, pressing your back against the thick trunk of a tree. “Then we need a distraction. Something that’ll actually make him move.”

Sam raised a brow. “Oh, yeah? What’s your genius plan?”

“You,” you said, giving him a pointed look. “You could bait him. Taunt him. Goad him into leaving his post.”

“And get steamrolled by the murder machine? Hard pass.” He scoffed. "Besides, you’re obviously better bait.”

The heat rushed to your face immediately. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, come on,” Sam teased, his grin widening. “You’ve got that whole… thing going on.”

“What thing?”

He waved a hand vaguely at you. “You know. The whole ‘badass with a secret soft side’ thing. He’ll eat it up. Hell, I think the whole team’s noticed the way he looks at you.”

You glared at him. “You’re out of your damn mind.”

“He does,” Sam interrupted, revelling in your reaction. “Come on, you could probably get him to do whatever you wanted. Just say something like, ‘Oh, Bucky, is that a vibranium arm or are you just happy to see m-”

You shoved him into the bush.

Sam tried to silence his little grunts as he pulled himself out, yanking the twigs from his armour plates. “Fine. You wanna argue about this all day, or should we win?”

You sighed, rolling your eyes. “Just send in Redwing.”

“Whatever you say, boss.”

The plan was simple enough: Redwing would create a distraction in a bush behind Bucky, luring him away from the flag, giving you and Sam time to move in and grab it. You moved carefully, keeping low as you crept through the underbrush. The tension in the air was electric, every rustle of leaves amplified by your own awareness of how close Bucky was.

But, true to form, Sam couldn’t resist screwing with you.

As you crept closer to the clearing, Redwing darted toward you and made a ruckus in the bush partially shielding you from view. It was more than enough to give you away, and before you could even curse Sam’s name, you heard it - the unmistakable sound of boots crunching leaves, closing in fast.

Your head whipped around just in time to see Bucky moving toward you with the kind of speed that made your heart stutter. His expression was sharp, predatory, and - gods help you - just a little amused.

“Shit,” you muttered, bolting from your hiding spot.

“Running won’t help you,” Bucky called after you, his voice dark and smooth, laced with amusement.

You didn’t bother responding, too focused on dodging tree trunks and low-hanging branches. But it didn’t matter how fast you ran; he was faster. In seconds, a strong arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you clean off your feet.

“Gotcha,” he murmured, his voice low in your ear.

“Not yet, you don’t,” you growled, twisting sharply in his grip.

You elbowed him in the side, breaking free for a split second, but he was faster. He blocked your next move, his vibranium hand catching your wrist and spinning you around. You didn’t go down without a fight, aiming a kick at his shin and struggling against his hold, refusing to make it easy for him.

“Feisty,” he muttered, almost admiringly, his grip tightening as you wrestled.

You managed to get one arm free, landing a half-decent shove against his chest. He staggered back slightly but recovered in less than an instant, his smirk returning, sharper than before.

“Alright,” he said, his voice edged with amusement, “you wanna play rough? Let’s play rough.”

Before you could react, he was on you, trapping you between his body and the wide trunk of a tree. His fingers darted to your ribs, pressing against your sides with infuriating precision.

You jolted, a startled laugh bursting out before you could stop it. “What the fu- hey! No, that’s cheating!”

“Cheating?” he echoed, his grin widening as he tickled you again, this time catching your waist. “You’re the one trying to fight dirty.”

You squirmed, trying to slap his hands away, but the tickling was relentless, and your traitorous laughter left you weak, your arms useless.

“No! I- dammit, Barnes!”

Seizing the moment, he stepped back, grabbed both your wrists and yanked you against him, hauling you effortlessly over his shoulder. You kicked your legs in protest, but his grip was unyielding, his hand steady against the backs of your thighs.

“Put me down!” you demanded, pounding your fists against his unfairly muscled back.

“Not until you’re in jail,” he said, his voice low and smooth, the vibration of it sending a shiver through you.

“This is cruel and unusual punishment,” you grumbled, your cheeks burning as you felt his arm tighten around your thighs.

He chuckled, the sound warm and agonising. “Unusual, maybe. But I’d say you’re enjoying it.”

“Barnes!” you snapped, squirming harder.

His laughter deepened, and he carried you with an ease that was both infuriating and maddeningly attractive. When he finally stopped, he set you down just outside the jail, his hands lingering at your waist.

“Let me go,” you said, though the bite in your tone had softened.

He stepped closer, his body a looming presence as his eyes bore into yours. “Say please.”

You scowled, refusing to give him the satisfaction.

“Didn’t think so,” he said, his smirk widening as he stepped forward, forcing you to step back - straight into the jail’s boundary.

You glared at him, your chest heaving as he stood just inches away, his gaze dark and intent. “Happy now?”

“Not yet,” he murmured, his voice a low rasp, “but close.”

Before you could fire back, Sam’s triumphant whoop echoed through the trees. You turned just in time to see him flying above your team's base with Bucky's team's flag, waving it over his head like a trophy.

Bucky groaned, his head falling back briefly before he levelled a sharp glare at you. “Distraction,” he muttered under his breath with a shake of his head, the word practically dripping with accusation.

Your lips curved into a coy smile despite yourself.

“You’re too damn good at it,” he said, his tone darker now, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer than necessary before he turned and stalked off.

Flushed, you called after him. "This isn't over, Barnes!"

He chuckled, the sound sending a shiver down your spine, turning to face you as he walked backwards towards his next mission. "Not by a long shot."

[oodlyenough]

continuing my arcane s2 ted talks i guess, i've been trying to decipher how i feel about the medardas' plotline in s2 and i never really land anywhere but a sort of disgruntled marge simpson groan.

i think anyone who paid any attention at the end of s1 or spent even ten seconds theorizing probably knew mel was a mage and her shield magic would protect some or all of the council. i was surprised this reveal didn't happen right away, and i liked that initially we see an overhead shot showing her totally-undamaged bubble around her seat. i could roll with jayce wondering why he survived and mel sort of shrugging it off. the black rose stuff in act 1 i also found intriuging and the action scene with amara was cool. i was excited that kino would be more relevant

but then act 2 ... it felt like we put mel in the torture labyrinth only to draw two conclusions, the first being that she's a mage (no duh; we could've revealed it in the first episode) and the second being that she's a bastard child from a secret love affair her mom had. and then we uh. didn't really explore that second part at all. we learn, sort of, that her mom has some beef with the black rose; if you don't play League you have no idea who or what they are; they claim Ambessa let Kino die and only wants Mel as a weapon; when confronted Ambessa only half-answers and seems to disdain mages; Ambessa ends up fighting Mel, gets killed by Mel's double bluff, and then Mel takes over the Medarda clan for... some reason (does she want to? does she HAVE to?)

mostly it ends up feeling like a backdoor pilot for a future noxus spinoff. and a future noxus spinoff starring mel isn't a bad idea; it's just that it feels like a lot of screentime in an already-frantic final season for arcane was then spent on a plotline that doesn't really resolve.

also in season one i thought mel and ambessa's relationship was very interesting and i looked forward to more of it. i thought the idea of ambessa sending mel away because mel's big puppy eyes made her feel guilty for doing what she felt she had to do, and mel feeling that as a rejection/banishment/lack of love fit nicely into the general themes of s1. i... just don't really know how the secret mel magic that ambessa hates and/or covets (unclear) adds to that rather than weakening it. their two conflicting worldviews alone set them up nicely to butt heads in season 2, especially with caitlyn potentially stuck in the middle, torn between both of their guidances and philosophies. instead it's like mel mostly inhabited a different show for most of her screentime.

i'm also not super convinced ambessa was written with the same level of sympathy characters like silco got in season 1. it certainly seems to me she gets less of that from fandom, anyway, who treat her like a uniquely evil character even for a major antagonist. it's hard for us to understand her motives when we don't really know what they ARE, the origin of her black rose feud, who tf the rose are to begin with, the true circumstances around kino's death and mel's banishment, etc... if this is all the unofficial pilot for a Noxus spinoff it might as well have just waited until then and let us use this screentime to expand on the other things in s2 that needed to be expanded/wrapped up in their final season.

[untildawnss]

until dawn characters overhearing their partner say something positive about them/their relationship

okiedokie [cracks knuckles] i had a shower to wash away the sad and now i'm ready to write the good - this took a good while because i was watching a show while writing lol

this is going to be fluff, i'll find out if anything else happens while writing this. very minor angsty and nsfw mentions.

ashley

"i don't think i've ever loved anyone as much as i love ashley. i still get butterflies when i look at her."

you tossed your phone towards ashley so she could order pizza while you were busy writing an assignment on your laptop. when she unlocked it, the chat with your best friend was still open, your last text the one about ashley. "i didn't know you were a big ol' sap." ashley shifted on the couch and leaned her head against your shoulder. "huh?" you stopped typing and furrowed your brow. "what are you talking about?" - "oh, just that text about me you sent earlier." she was already scrolling through the menu, looking for your favourite pizza. "were you snooping?" - "i didn't have to. you never close your apps." you nodded your head. it was true, you never did. "i get butterflies, too. ever since we met. maybe we're soulmates." she leaned in to kiss you.

beth

"hannah, oh my god, i'm so happy to see you. did you know that i love beth soooooo much? she's the best. i want to marry her. do you think she would want to marry me?"

beth tried to interrupt your drunken ramblings. her twin sister was on the couch next to you, snoring, and you had woken up while she was trying to clear the empty pizza boxes from the coffee table. you had immediately pulled her into a tight hug and happily babbled on about beth for a minute until you fell asleep again. beth carefully removed herself from your arms and decided that she wasn't really in the mood to clean up after you and hannah, you were perfectly capable of doing that yourself in the morning. and she was only a little offended that you had mistaken her for her sister. it was kind of fun to know how you talked about her when you thought she wasn't there.

chris

"josh, chris just texted me 'can we talk?' and i am freaking out. is he breaking up with me? please tell me he's not breaking up with me. he's honestly the best boyfriend i've ever had and i-"

josh groaned. "i told him not to text you that. chris, what's wrong with you?" you heard some crinkling, the muffled sounds of josh and chris whispering and then what sounded like a slap before josh let you know that he was handing the phone over to chris now. "hey, sorry about that. josh's hand and the back of my head just had a meet and greet." - "good for you? what the fuck was that text about, chris?" more whispering. "chris?" - "yeah, sorry. so remember how you just said that i'm the best boyfriend ever?" you sighed. "looking back, i probably wouldn't have said it if i had known you were listening." chris cleared his throat. "well, actually, i was thinking that you're the best partner i've ever had and i wanted to ask you to move in with me and so i decided to send you a text to ask you to talk about it." - "can you actually put josh back on for a second?" whispering again, until you heard josh's voice. "what's up?" - "can you tell chris that i love him and will move in with him but that he seriously needs to work on the way he brings up serious topics?"

emily

"you might not like her but i love her. she's the best thing that ever happened to me and if you just bothered to get to know her, you'd know that she's actually smart and funny and great. she actually shows up for me, do you?"

emily knew that your family hated her. they saw her as a stuck-up mean girl with expensive tastes and were worried that she was just using you until someone better came along. she hated that her relationship with you was causing all these fights with your family because they thought they knew better. this was the worst fight you'd ever had with them and she'd never heard you yell like that. "no, i'm done talking. don't bother calling again until you accept that i'm an adult and make my own decisions." emily heard you swearing before you knocked on the bedroom door and walked in. you were half-dressed, the original plan had been to go out for dinner. emily was still sitting in front of her vanity, absent-mindedly twirling a blending brush between her fingers. your phone buzzed again. "i swear to god," you muttered through clenched teeth as you declined the call. "rain check?" emily asked, already putting away the brush and looking for her make up wipes. "please." she looked at you through the mirror. "i'm sorry for asking but i think i need help getting out of this dress." - "oh, so you're flirting with me? right now?" you couldn't help but smile. "if you want me to. or you could just tell me how smart and funny and great i am while i order dinner." - "i can do that."

hannah

"dear hannah, your glasses are very cute and look really good on you. you have a really pretty face and i have a crush on you."

"dear hannah, do you want to go out with me?"

"dear hannah, you were really good as juliet in the senior year play."

"oh my god, what's this?" hannah picked up the loose papers that had slid all over the wooden floor of the living room in your new apartment. "what? oh, oh no. i thought i'd thrown those away. they're so old." - "i didn't know you had a crush on me back in high school. wow, we really could have gotten together years ago." you were on your hands and knees, trying to grab the old, unfinished love letters you had never had the courage to slip into hannah's locker or bag. "what? you liked me in high school?" - "who did you think sent you all those valentines? i didn't know you liked my glasses back then." before long both of you were on the floor, reminiscing about all the near confessions you had accidentally dodged.

jess

"we'd love to go out for drinks with you guys, but i have plans with my super hot girlfriend and i wouldn't miss it for the world and she has plans with me. oops, putting our phones on do not disturb now."

you sent the text to the group chat and turned to jess. the two of you were on the couch, wearing sweatpants and facemasks. numerous candles were illuminating the living room and there was a romcom playing on the TV. "super hot girlfriend, is that right?" jess was smiling, the hydrating sheet mask wrinkling and folding around her mouth. "oh, very." you were sipping wine through a straw. "and you'd rather be at home doing skincare and watching a movie with me?" - "are you kidding me? i get to have a few drinks, hang out with my favourite person in the world AND wake up with great skin. what more could a person want?" - "you're not so bad yourself."

josh

"ugh, i know, right? he's smart, he's hot, he's kinda weird but in that cute and quirky way and when i look at him, i want to start writing poems or love songs. it's actually disgusting how perfect i think he is."

josh and you were at a bar with a group of friends and while josh had gone to get more drinks and a few others were playing pool, one of them had taken the opportunity to tease you about the way the two of you adored each other. neither of you didn't realise that josh was already on his way back to the table and heard every word you said. he stopped for a few seconds to compose himself, thinking that you'd probably be embarrassed if you knew that he heard you talking about him. the rest of the night, josh was in a, to you, inexplicably good mood but when you asked what had him smiling like that he said that he was just having fun. you narrowed your eyes and looked at him, suspiciously. "what did you do?" - "nothing, i swear." a few hours later you were on your way home, your hand in josh's while he was swinging them back and forth. "what is up with you today? i could pass out right here and now. how are you not tired?" josh's smile was as wide as ever. "it's nothing, really. i'm just happy i met you."

matt

"i wouldn't dream of breaking uncle matt's heart. pinkie promise. when we get married you can be flower girls."

matt's nieces had begged you to play tea party with them. they were extraordinarily good at offering you tea while giving you the third degree. yes, i love your uncle matt a lot. yes, i hope your uncle matt loves me, too. yes, we live together. no, i won't break up with uncle matt. you thought meeting matt's parents for the first time would be intimidating. his nieces were almost terrifying. finally, matt came to save you when they started asking about babies. you waved goodbye to the girls. "so it's when, not if we get married?" you looked at matt and your heart skipped a beat, he was smiling warmly. "well, i mean, i guess-" you sputtered. "wait, you were listening and you let them interrogate me?" - "oh, do you want to go back and tell them how many kids we're gonna have?"

mike

"yes, i know he's handsome. like absolute dreamboat, straight out of a disney movie handsome."

"oh, you better watch your mouth, that's my boyfriend you're talking about."

"oh no, he's an only child. but i think he has cousins. doubt he left any hot for the rest of them, though."

you hadn't heard mike come home and he was trying really hard to respect your privacy but the bedroom door was ajar and you were always louder when you were talking on the phone, especially when talking to your best friend whom he was due to meet this upcoming weekend. and he couldn't deny it, he was curious what you had to say about him. mike pushed the bedroom door open slowly, you had your back to him and were scrolling on your phone with your earphones in. "busy?" he asked, leaning against the doorframe and grinning widely when you jumped and almost tumbled off the bed. "what the fuck, mike? when did you get here?" you said a quick goodbye to your friend and put your phone on the bedside table. "oh, not that long ago." he crossed his arms, still grinning at you. "but go on, what were you saying about me?" mike inched towards the bed, his face now scrunched up in mock-confusion. "something about me being super hot, i think." - "i never said super hot." he put the back of his hand against his forehead and closed his eyes, feigning hurt this time. "you wound me." then, before you knew it, he was straddling you, his lips barely an inch from yours as he was running his hands down your sides, sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. "guess i'll have to change your mind, then."

sam

"my girlfriend just opened her own gallery and i'm super proud of her. do you have anything on the menu that's fancy and says 'i love you so much, you're gonna do great' and, most importantly, is also vegan? is champagne vegan? do you have vegan champagne?"

sam heard you whispering to the hostess as she walked through the doors behind you. so that's why you wanted her to park the car. she smiled at the hostess and rolled her eyes slightly, affectionately, pointed and you and then at herself while mouthing i'm the girlfriend. the hostess nodded and asked you to wait just a few more minutes, your table was almost ready. "you know i'm just a cog in the machine and the gallery isn't actually my own, right?" sam had sauntered over and was looking at you with one eyebrow raised in amusement. "you're still an active partner and the face of the gallery. so why bother explaining?" - "oh, i'm not complaining. just wondering if you hit your head. but now i don't feel bad about letting you wine and dine me."

[lizardho]

I think the worst day I had as a missionary is hard to pin down – for comedy bad day stories, I like to talk about my cute companion who ripped three pairs of pants in one day because his ass was so fat. Literally, two in the morning, we missed 3 appointments in the afternoon because people kept cancelling on us, and we ended up far away from home visiting “Less Actives” in the downtown area. We find a family who says we can come in once their dad get home, and we sit down to wait for the dad to get in and RIIIPPP goes the third pair of slacks this man wore that day. I hand him my suit jacket and he wraps it around his waist like a bashful adolescent who just started his period at an inconvenient time. We catch a ride home on a bus and ended up home an hour early. He cried for like 30 minutes while stitching up his pants, and I got to rest a lot more than expected that day. We ordered a 4-cheese pizza and went to bed early that night, having walked probably 5-6 miles that day knocking doors and getting turned away.

Another bad day was the day the Mexico City Temple was re-opening. It was a funny experience for me because the evening before I was contacted by the Mission President and told that an elder in our district had confessed some serious sins to him and that those sins precluded him from going to the temple. The MP told me that nobody in this elder’s ward could get time off to babysit him so he was begging one of us – I didn’t want to go to the temple, it was a crappy way to spend a P-Day in my opinion, so I told the MP I’d do it. I spent the day eating popsicles and napping with an elder who, in between Bolis and naps, would shakily and tearfully confess that no fewer than half of his companions had secret phones they used to watch porn, hire prostitutes, and buy drugs. This was bewildering to me since I had been Trying So Hard my whole mission and had always felt inadequate, and these elders who were doing better than me and more respected than me were somehow out here fucking, doing drugs, and jorkin’ it.

I was actually in a “Punishment Area” at the time because in my last area one of my life-threateningly attractive companions had gone into the homes of widows to repair their electrical wirings (he was a trained electrician prior to going on a mission.) Being alone in the home of an 80-year-old widow with failing lights was “against the rules” to the extent that me mandaron a la goma, and some handful of guys I’d been told to view as role models were out here breaking actual laws and shit. Of course, I knew in my heart of hearts that I was in this area because of the Deep Evil that Lay Within My Heart (wanting to kiss Elder Electrician on his stupid himbo lips) but my MP could not have known that, just like he didn’t know that the guys he was making Zone Leaders were getting their dicks sucked and snorting cocaine. That honestly felt outrageous to me.

I feel like the stereotypical “worst day” of a mission is the last day – they take you to the airport in a big van, all melancholy and nostalgic. We sang on our drive to the airport – elders and sisters tearfully sang or hummed hymns together. I was deadpan the whole time, it was such a relief to be going home. For me the worst part of the day was the relief – the release of pressure. The pressure to perform, to be “on,” to be at your best, is omnipresent for elders. I was the only person flying to Phoenix, so for the first time in two years I felt a release from that pressure. Nobody was scrutinizing me, I no longer felt that every thought, action, and feeling was being evaluated and judged as a sign of my true character. It was hard to realize, a the pressure let up, that I had been holding all that weight for two years without knowing when it had started. I remember getting confused in Customs and needing someone who spoke Spanish to talk to me because I kept forgetting words in English. I remember getting home and my family waiting for me and feeling like it was all finally done, finally over, I could finally breath. It didn’t feel bad, but it did feel heavy. And it definitely was not the worst day of my mission.

The actual worst day of my mission, though, was about 5 months in. At the 6-month mark I was expected to make a long trip down to an area of town near La Basilica de Guadalupe to submit my visa paperwork, and the mission office had sent me an extra $500 MX to use for transportation costs. When I withdrew the money they had sent for the month, I noticed it was higher than expected. My companion, a senior companion and district leader, had the cell phone. He was talking to another elder while he waited for me to withdraw my monthly deposit. I approached and asked if I could use the cell phone to call the mission office, as I had questions. He said “no,” and ignored me. I waited until the conversation ended and asked again, and again, angrily, he said, “No.” I said “Elder, relax, I just need to call the mission office to see why they sent me more this month than usual.” His face turned red as he realized other elders were watching the exchange occur. He handed me the phone, I called and was told the money was for transportation costs, and laughingly returned the phone to my companion. He took it, told the other elders he needed to tie his shoe but they could head on over to the District Meeting, and waited until they were out of eyesight. Once that was done, he grabbed me hard by the wrist, dragged me into a hidden corner out of earshot from others, and said, “If you ever disrespect me or my authority again I swear to God I will kill you.”

I was actually shocked. This guy had spent the last month and a half being SUPER nice to me, so I thought he was kidding and I was just confused. I laughed and said “Haha, yeah, your authority over the cell phone is sacred,” and tried to walk away but he didn’t let go of my wrist. He pulled me back and said “I will literally slit your throat if you ever talk to me like that again. As senior companion my authority over YOU is sacred, and I will not let God be mocked by you.”

I realized that he was serious. Like, actually threatening-my-life serious. I could see it in his eyes, I could feel it in the way he squeezed tighter on my wrist. In actuality, the idea seems laughable now. The guy was absolutely chickenshit. He cried if his shits were too hard, he couldn’t end a human life, but I still didn’t let myself fall asleep first for the rest of our time together. And I still hid the two knives we had in a different area while he was showering the next morning.

If I’m being honest though, even that wasn’t the worst day of my mission. That was bad, and each subsequent time he told me he was going to cut my throat for minor infractions against his God-Given Authority Over Me (like not wearing a belt for morning scripture study, or not taking the path he thought was best to get to a lesson) was a bad day. Every P-Day where he read my emails over my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t telling my parents about how he was treating me, every day he told me that the ward members would never believe me over him, every day he put me down in front of other elders and they laughed in agreement, every day he was in a bad mood and took it out on me was a bad day. But the worst day was the day I told the mission president about it. I told him about the threats to my life, his temper, his physical abuse, hiss manipulation and rule-breaking, and the mission president told me “The time to tell me this was 6 months ago. The time to forgive him and focus on your own failings is now.”

I don’t think I’ve ever felt as confused or betrayed as I did then. Like, man oh man, that was a rough thing to hear, but as the day went on I kept feeling more and more confused and scared – had I misinterpreted everything? Had I miscommunicated something in telling the story? Had I not been objective enough in recounting the threats against my life? Was it true that a senior companion actually had the authority to hurt me if I went against his authority? Was I wrong the whole time? I had no idea, to be honest, but it was bewildering.

Knowing now what I wish I had known then, I would have done things differently. But in the moment, on a mission, knowing that my biggest reason for going on a mission was the hope that the Spirit of God, which hymns told me burns like fire, would burn the faggot out of my heart. I think I felt like I deserved it. Like somehow that elder knew the evil I was hiding and felt compelled by God’s power to hurt me. I think that’s what made it so hard to defend myself in the moment – I did not have that problem with other elders. The companion who told me we were gonna wrestle to settle an argument lost three consecutive matches and pouted about it for like a week. The elder who threatened to punch me for making a joke at his expense got knocked on his ass just for raising his fist. But this elder got into my head first, and that made it hard to fight against it. Instead of fighting against it, I just silently lived with actual, verifiable, diagnosed, by-the-book, DSM-5-TR Posttraumatic Stress Disorder because I thought I deserved it. It took consistent supervision of my clinical work revealing countertransference with Male LDS clients (I consistently discussed addressing shame in a client’s presentation where no shame or discomfort had been reported), an awkward conversation with @inbabylontheywept after an even more awkward dinner with a cousin who vaguely reminds me of that companion, and a bad acid trip where I had visceral flashbacks to my mission, before I was able to realize that I was living with a pain that was as abnormal as it was unnecessary.

Even once I realized it, even once I got help, it was hard. I remember telling jokes about what happened to my therapist and seeing her jaw just…drop. She said she didn’t know it had been that dangerous for me. The session ended and he sent me the PCL-5 (a good, evidence-based, highly face-valid measure for PTSD) and some other measure for dissociative symptoms and I was like “Girl, I just took this class, I know what you’re trying to measure and this ain’t it.” I reported my symptoms accurately and was fully prepped to confront her the next session. She showed me my scores and the norms used, and I was like “Oh fuck, this looks really bad on paper,” and she was like “Yeah, I can’t imagine living like this” and I just sobbed for most of that session. We ended up doing 9 months of TF-CBT and ACT (largely because I am a terrible and uncooperative patient, realistically I think I could have been done in like 5-6 months if I wasn’t so stubborn) before I was discharged from treatment successfully.

The thing that was so weird about starting therapy for PTSD was that it made things feel worse for a while. I started taking edibles a lot more. I started behaving differently around family members and Mormons. I started being outright hostile to elders I could see. It took about 3 months before I could see the missionaries and not have an actual fight-or-flight response to their presence. I think the way I had made it a far as I did without getting treatment was by repressing the thoughts, feelings, and memories that made it all hurt, and a soon as I let them just be there it was like all the confusing aching hurt came back. The first few months of therapy were just spent expanding the amount of time I could feel that hurt before turning to other means (like dissociation, cannabis, repression, etc.) so I could actually address the experiences without crashing the rest of the day. It was hard. I know I ended several sessions sweating a LOT from the exertion it took to just let the feelings happen. By 6 months, however, I could go into a church building without blacking out from panic. By 9 months I could sit in the same room as elders without sweating and shaking like a chihuahua on Adderall. 3 months after therapy and me and my supervisors noticed that my work with Mormon men had improved substantially. 6 months after therapy and I was able to begin writing anonymous stories online. Now, about two years after completing therapy, I feel like I can talk about it without needing the cloak of anonymity, and that is empowering.

Again, I am not sure why I’m typing these stories out – they’re not fun to write, I don’t love that my family can find these posts, but I guess I just like to remind myself and others that it can always get better. That mind numbing platitude, the old thought-terminating cliché that “it gets better, just power through it” doesn’t give enough credit to how much it hurts to get through it, but it does get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The triggers can go away with time, great effort, significant expense, and a lot of discomfort. The world can feel safe again, the hurt can feel bearable, that nagging worry that I might have deserved this, or that I did something wrong, can eventually go away too. It’s not easy to do it, and I have an incredible respect for the patients of mine who can pull it off, but it is undeniably as doable a it is difficult. If this story resonates with anyone, if it feels close-to-home, if these experiences feel shared, just know that the relief I talked about can feel shared too. Know that it’s worth it to get the help, that you deserve the help, that you deserve to live a life that doesn’t hurt you, that you deserve to be a full person and not a living prison for the pain and memories. Know that healing yourself does not involve extending forgiveness to Them, whoever They are. That the pain you felt will not be made less important by making the pain less potent. Know that taking care of yourself now is, in a way, taking care of yourself then. And Please, with a capital P, take care of yourselves.

Thank you to my family, especially my immediate family (special shout outs to @flowerologists and @inbabylontheywept) for the support and patience with me as I dealt with this.

Thank you to my therapist, Jordin Borques, who I recommend highly to anyone seeking trauma therapy in Arizona.

Thank you to my wife, @cintailed, for being the push that got me into therapy, and for taking care of me at my worst and still being here with me.

Thanks to my mission president for being such a colossal disappointment to Christianity that my departure from the church was inevitable.

And a general thanks to the queers for being so cute and making life worth living, even on bad days.

[reader-lola]

Annoying screams

Chris Sturniolo Based on the last video (Making gifts for fans) Warnings: +18, oral (male receives), female masturbation, sexual intercourse, no reference to condom. Let me know if you see any more

Links X: 1 , 2

You were in your boyfriend Chris's room. You were trying to read, but the screams coming from the kitchen weren't letting you concentrate. You knew your boyfriend was very loud and yelled a lot, but this time he was going overboard. “We're just going to record the invitations for the fans. We won't bother you.”

I missed the first few screams, knowing Chris it was usual for him. But there came a time when all you could hear was him yelling without actually saying anything coherent. I tried to concentrate on the book. I looked through the pages. I dwelled on the rest of the chapter. I repeated the same paragraph I had been reading for 15 minutes until I gave up and closed it. I focused on my phone for the rest of the time. “Hey mom, what are you doing with your phone? Did you finish the book?” Chris's voice brought me out of my trance. I turned off my phone and with a louder voice than expected I faced him. “I tried that, Owen, but by a strange coincidence, a boy kept yelling in the kitchen. I tried to read, but someone made it an impossible task for me. It was impossible because you, young man, NEVER STOP YELLING” “Take it down a notch with me, girl, or I'll have to put you in your place” “No, I'm sorry, you're going to apologize to me for not letting me read, it wasn't that hard to say nice things to your fans instead of yelling at them and, by the way, letting me read” “Okay, you've gone too far, let's see if you're capable of keeping quiet”

Without warning, he grabbed me by the hair and, without any care, he pushed me against the door “Let's see, you yelled at me, you answered me back, and you spoke badly to me. You deserve a punishment” “It's not true, I didn't do that” “And now we add that you lie to me and contradict me. Honey, if you don't want to make it worse, you better shut up.” With one hand he supported my head against the door and with the other he pulled down my pants and thong in the process. Without time to react he put two of his fingers inside me causing a loud moan from me. “You're going to have to shut up if you don't want to be heard. From what I understand Matt and Nick are going to be in the living room watching TV.” His fingers went in and out of my pussy causing me an incredible feeling of pleasure. My legs trembled as I noticed the imminent release, but then his fingers stopped. “No, Chris, please.” “If you ask me like that I'm not going to do anything else.” “Daddy, please.” I whimpered at the need of his fingers dancing inside me. “I told you that you needed a punishment, on your knees.” Without hesitation I got on my knees and as soon as he pulled out his member I didn't hesitate to suck it, choking in the process. His hand grabbed my hair marking the rhythm he had to follow. As I sucked I couldn't help but look up, meeting his blue eyes that gave me a satisfied look, making me feel grateful for being able to eat him. At times I heard small sighs coming out of his lips at the sensation I was feeling. “God, I can't take it anymore.” He pushed me away from his member and in the blink of an eye I had him on top of me. He quickly took off my shirt and mine. He placed his member at my entrance. “I should teach you a lesson and not let you cum,” he said, slowly entering me. I could feel the sensation of his body fitting perfectly with mine. The sensation of his veins entering my interior. “You deserve a punishment for the way you spoke to me. But now I simply need to have you. Feel you.” His thrusts began slowly as I adapted to his size. But they gradually increased in pace. My hands grabbed his back, scratching it as a way of releasing the sensation that was consuming me. Chris' lips traveled to my neck where he started sucking, I'd probably have a mark there tomorrow. “Daddy, I can't take it anymore.” “What do you want?” “Let me cum, please.” “Cum for me, princess.”

[literaila]

wedding planner (katsuki bakugo smau)

fem!reader, no quirks, adult life au

life as an event planner is... quieter than planned. mina ashido, your best friend, views this as a challenge. so when she gets engaged to eijirou kirishima it’s no big surprise that she asks you to plan the ceremony. the objective is simple: create the most magical, perfect wedding in just four months... oh, and accept the help of someone you've been running from since college--katsuki bakugo, who conveniently hates you. easy, right?

part two | next part

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

hating bakugo katsuki comes quite naturally to you.

it's something simple. an emotion that builds in the middle of your sternum and collects in your head. you've never had to think too hard about him, or the negative feelings he invokes.

it's not that you consider yourself someone to hold grudges or make automatic assumptions. someone who hates on principle rather than facts. glimpses rather than actions.

in fact, you’d rather remain entirely nonjudgmental in most situations—so that you don’t have to worry about any of it. there are very few people in the world that you can truly say you hate.

but since he spoke his first word to you, you’ve hated him.

or maybe that’s not true. you only vaguely remember it all happening now, like a single peek of a dream you once lived.

remember seeing him across the room and feeling that you knew exactly who he was. getting one look and understanding that he just wasn’t someone for you.

blonde hair, blood eyes, and an immediate distaste for anything involving your presence. his jaw was already set, when you approached, mind already made.

it was pretty clear when he just glared, ignoring whoever had introduced the two of you, your hand outstretched towards him, and scoffed before he simply walked away.

so, really, even before bakugo katsuki spoke his first word to you—you hated him.

or maybe not. maybe you just hated the way he was looking past you automatically, maybe you just hated that he was frowning, maybe you just hated being dismissed so easily.

or maybe you hated him and the fact that he made you angry without even trying.

anger is an invasive species. it lingers in the pit of your chest, waiting for some version of confirmation bias you can reason out of.

and once it begins to grow it leaks elsewhere—into the stories you tell, the people you know, the glances and shared breaths.

it’s pretty obnoxious, just like bakugo katsuki. funny how that works, isn't it?

and, to clarify, you have spoken multiple words to him. this is nothing new. in fact, you’ve shouted bitter remarks at his back and cursed at his ever-glowing smirk. in classrooms, at parties, in the old contemptible apartments your friends lived in.

but it’s just so simple to hate him.

maybe that’s why you’re standing in front of a coffee shop you’ve never been to, staring at the door. it’s 1:07 pm.

it would be pretty easy to leave, really. you could turn around and take the train back home. back to your bed, with its comforting embrace, and your consistently sparking coffee machine. it doesn’t taste too burnt, after all, and who doesn't like some roasted grounds?

you’re already late anyway, so what’s the harm in never showing up? who is bakugo going to tell? mina?

(he will. he definitely will tell mina and by that point, you’ll have lost a client and a friend, and bakugo katsuki will be pointing and laughing at the sad remains of your life. he’ll probably spit on your shivering body—you know, once you can no longer afford to live in your apartment because you’ve been fired--just for fun).

fuck. you should’ve blocked his and mina’s number.

someone pushes past you, going for the door, and you blink. right. because you’re supposed to open it, walk through, and meet with bakugo who you already know is going to chastise you for being late. you're supposed to hate him, and it's all supposed to be easy.

you take a breath. nod once.

what the hell?

this is all his fault anyway. you would’ve been perfectly happy with doing all the work by yourself--throwing sticky notes around and ignoring the ink stains left on your face from nights sleeping at your desk--and letting kirishima and mina believe he assisted you.

as fucking if.

so you walk through the door, delighting for one brief moment in the smell of coffee beans and souls searching for rehabilitation.

this coffee shop is a lot nicer than any of the ones by your house. not that bakugo needs to know that, or that he has good taste.

just a thought, really.

you look around for a single second before you spot him. it’s easy—just one glimpse of the black shirt, overbearing shoulders, and frowning face. and every other person in the shop seems to be purposefully avoiding him, walking at least six feet away from the table he’s procured at all times.

if only you were them.

“oi,” he calls, eyes finding you faster than you'd expected, already burning as you walk towards him—against your better judgment, of course. “i know you’re an idiot but you can’t even read a fuckin’ clock, now?”

you pull the open chair out with your foot, giving bakugo a bland look. your eyes burn a little bit, just looking at him. “no, actually, i can't. they must only teach that at snobby prick school.”

you sit, your body resisting the entire time. you might last five minutes being this close to him—at most.

bakugo doesn’t say anything, but one brow goes up.

“sorry,” you say, almost reflexively. you're supposed to be civil. you can hear mina's voice criticizing, telling you to give him a chance. you continue, completely monotone. “hi, bakugo. how are you?”

he glares. “could be a hell of a lot better, that’s for sure.”

“tell me about it.”

and then there’s a moment where you both stare at each other, silent and waiting.

here’s what you know about bakugo: he’s not afraid to say whatever he’s thinking, but he’s also not the easiest person to talk to. not the type of person you’d ever feel at ease with. easy conversation isn't either of your specialties, and neither is being here all by yourselves.

so instead of anything even remotely normal, instead of getting to the point, you break the silence with, “no coffee?”

his eyes dart down to the table and then back to yours. you can see the point of his teeth when he begins to talk. “not all of us are fuckin’ addicted.”

“well, you don’t have to deal with your mood swings every day," you look around, hoping that a double shot isn't as expensive as the decor would suggest.

“such a flatterer," bakugo drawls, leaning back, "i was waitin’ for you before i ordered,” he tilts his head to the register, waiting.

“i can go up there myself. i’m a big girl."

he scoffs. “you’re a big fuckin’ mess, that’s for sure. and fuckin' broke, according to raccoon eyes. you know what you want?”

“what i want is to get out of here as soon as possible. so thanks, but no thanks. i don’t need any coffee.”

“ya sure, crazy eyes?” he's smirking like he already knows that he got you.

your eyes narrow. “don’t call me that.”

“think i'll call you whatever the hell i want.”

“then i think this partnership is already over. promise broken.”

“tch," bakugo taps a finger against the table, "i think you’ll fuckin’ reconsider once you take a good look in the mirror—did you sell your bed for some shitty cash?”

“did you sell your soul for a first-class superiority complex?” you retort, so brightly it's almost innocent.

bakugo only rolls his eyes. “didn’t you agree to come here, dumbass?”

“didn’t you demand that i show up?”

bakugo’s lip twitches, minutely. he sighs, turning an arm over to check his watch. he moves calculatingly, both of you waiting for another moment to pounce. but there isn’t time for that.

you could spout insults at him for hours, and he could do just the same. it's happened before.

but time won't slow down for that, and you've only got seventy-three days left to figure everything out.

bakugo waves a hand towards you, gesturing at your bag. “just fuckin’ show me what you have already.”

“why should i?”

he scoffs. “okay don’t. try gettin' shit done all by your goddamn self. least ill get a laugh when you crash and burn.”

“this is literally my job—“

“so show me what you fuckin’ got,” bakugo leans forward, speaking soft enough for it to be a whisper, but vehemently for it to be a threat.

and it’s safe to say that you’ve heard a lot of those from him.

“fine,” you grind out, not wanting to lose, or to let him win, but someone will have to give eventually--and bakugo can watch in awe as you figure it out yourself. he can beg at your feet for something to do. (he can talk to kirishima about what you should be doing and report back to mina to mess up your lift even more). win or lose, you don't break eye contact as you grab your bag, shoving around until you find your planner.

not that there’s a lot of planning being done. it's mainly doodles and spare numbers you’ve written down and never called. but bakugo doesn’t need to know that. he just needs to know that you're a professional, and you'll professionally shove his words back into his throat until they reach his stomach.

you flip to a page with a list of tasks that still need to be done, pen smeared across the page. none of them have been checked off--but that's not exactly your fault. you'd be getting a lot more done if bakugo hadn't made you come here... probably.

“i’ve scheduled a couple tours of venues mina told me she liked,” you say, sharp, tactful. you point to random notes on the page, hoping he can’t read. “but not for a couple of weeks. there’s cake testing, a meeting with a florist, billing from a designer mina chose, catering options, and i—“

“have you made any decisions?”

you purse your lips, moving the planner back towards you. “it’s been a month.”

he laughs. “so that’s a fuckin’ no.”

“it’s not that simple,” you tell him, snidely. “i need to talk to mina and kiri about options and it’s not like they’re going to choose right away so—“

“shitty hair told me you were taking care of it.”

“yes, that’s what a wedding planner does,” you smile. “good job, bakugo.”

he bares a canine, grinning. “no, smart ass. he said you get to make every damn decision. that they trust you to figure shit out.”

“i still need to double-check and make sure they’re happy with the progress—“

“sounds like you’re too fuckin' scared to do it yourself.” he leans back for the first time in two minutes, arms crossed against his chest.

that’s another thing you hate about bakugo katsuki. he takes all of the air and spits it right back at you. he's like a reverse black hole--just meaner.

“why would i be scared?”

“because you’re a shitty event planner.”

he's testing you, you know. trying to get a rise out of you because he can always do it so easily. trying to rile you up so he can win, so you'll walk out of the door and he'll get to say that he tried, that he was being a good friend--

and damn it, it's working. it's going to work. but you have very little dignity left, and no patience for bakugo katsuki and his arrogance.

“well,” you start, standing up. your chair screeches across the floor, a protest all of its own. “it’s been so lovely meeting with you, bakugo, but i think we’re—“

“am i fuckin' wrong?” he asks, serious, watching you with clinical eyes.

“are you a jackass?” you answer, shoving your notebook back into your bag. he doesn't deserve your lists, your time, or any of the energy you've given to him so willingly.

he snorts. “you’ve never planned a damn wedding. you have no fuckin’ clue what you’re doing.”

“oh, wow," you nod your head enthusiastically, "you know what, you’re really something,” you say, giving him another sickly sweet smile.

bakugo hasn't flinched at you once in the almost decade you've known him and maybe that's the thing you hate the most. hate that every emotion is written on your face in some fine ink, but he's a blank slate. hate that he gets to sit there and berate you, make you feel small, and have no repercussions for it.

hate that he's just looking at you, waiting for you. hate him so much.

you continue anyway. “not everyone would be able to figure out that i’m worried about messing up my best friend’s wedding—“ bakugo tries to cut in, but you hold a hand up. “no, really. it's pretty amazing, bakugo. you should think about going back to school for a common sense degree, since you’re so fucking great at using it," you shake your head, turning away abruptly.

you know that he’s still smirking.

“i’m not too proud to admit that i'm scared, bakugo. some of us can deal with our emotions.”

“ya sure?" he sounds amused. "cause it seems like you’ve got fuckin’ jack done and don’t know what to do next. wouldn’t call that dealing with your fuckin’ fear. i’d call it being a coward. freezing instead of tryin' to do a fuckin' thing.”

you glare at the wall in front of you, feeling bad for the person just sitting on their computer in your line of sight. “so what? it's not like you’re doing anything to help. you have no idea how to plan anything, so don't act like you'd do any better than me.”

“you fuckin’ sure about that?” you hear a loud noise, and bakugo is standing right beside you, his looming presence a brand at your side. “i’ve never planned a wedding but i know how to get shit done.”

you snort, finally looking at him again. “uh-huh.”

he sneers. “i’ll fuckin’ show you. c’mon.”

your pause, eyes narrowing. people are moving around the two of you, coffee cups exuding steam, eyes curious as they roam over you. bakugo taps his pockets, not bothering to notice a single one of them, and then moves beside you, heading towards the door.

“wha—what?" you ask, frowning. "where are you going?

“you gonna stand there like a damn idiot, or are you going to fuckin’ follow me?” he doesn’t turn his head, just keeps going.

and even though you’d never follow bakugo katsuki anywhere, even though you’d rather die than be alone with him, rather be broke and friendless than plan a wedding with him—you start walking.

“what the hell,” you say, and have to speed up to catch him.

if hating bakugo is easy, then following him is even easier.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

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[lucagray813]

Shadow - Chapter 10

Title: Behind the Veil

Rating: T+

Word Count: ~10,000

Characters: Wukong, Macaque

Minor Characters: MK

Relationships: Macaque/Wukong

Minor Relationships: MK & Wukong

Summary: Macaque comes clean and walls and glamours finally fall. Their relationship will be all the better for it but it does result in a painful flashback to the worst day of their lives.

Additional Tags: Developing Relationship, Acquired Disability, Slice of Life, DBK is called Niú, PIF is called Gōngzhǔ

CW: Suggestive language, major character death, the following CWs are present but not graphic: self-mutilation, self-harm, blood and injury, violence

If you want to skip the MCD and the following CWs scroll past the italics after "His ears started ringing."

Link to AO3 Version

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----

Wukong had spent almost all of his time in the library, consolidating his understanding of everything pertaining to the soul. He wasn't an expert in every facet of a soul's "lifecycle" but he had plenty of experience sitting with his own and exploring it's nature and that knowledge was what he thought might be of use to Macaque.

There was a chance he was focusing a little too hard on what might have been a figure of speech but at the same time it wouldn't do Macaque any harm. He would argue that even if it didn't help specifically with finding the truth about the Void it could still help him come to terms with his fear.

He wondered if there was a way to more directly help Macaque beyond teaching him what he knew because he was sure Macaque was going to be a very reluctant student. He already knew how to meditate but it was normally with a focus on magic, not on anything spiritual. And Wukong knew from first hand experience how difficult and unpleasant sitting with who you really are could be.

He was probably not going to find an alternative method to verbal guidance before Macaque returned but he would keep looking into it. In the meantime, he could make sure he was fully prepared to try and teach, although that was probably going to mean a lot of meditation on his own first.

He generally did mediate every day but he'd be lying if he said it had become much less of a priority in recent years. But it was time to get back on the bandwagon in a big way. Admittedly, he'd probably have an easier time of it once Macaque was back because every time he sat down to try it he just couldn't resist astral projecting and checking on him.

Astral projection was a bit of a curious talent. You weren't really seeing another person's soul, just a visual representation of it and how it appeared had a lot to do with the perception and skill of the beholder. If MK were here instead of him, Macaque's soul wouldn't look the same way to him as it did to Wukong.

If you could reach the pinnacle of enlightenment then he was sure no soul would be a mystery to you but given his attachment to some very specific souls it was unlikely he was reaching that level anytime soon. And honestly he was ok with that.

It would have been handy just to be able to look at Macaque and know everything about him but for all that it could save them both some hardship, it would really take away from the thrill of discovery. Maybe there was a middle ground that was somehow attainable?

Idle thoughts for another day, he frowned slightly as he considered Macaque's soul. It was odd he couldn't see his scars or ears, not that one's physical appearance made any difference to their true soul, but it did often influence the projection of the unenlightened. Maybe it had something to do with how Macaque viewed himself? Or how he wanted to be seen?

It was probably the latter and that did really put a downer on his hopes that Macaque would be dropping his glamours again any time soon. He tried to tell himself it didn't matter, that there were more important matters to attend to, but it was always on the back of his mind.

Actually, another thing that struck him as strange was that he could see Macaque's surroundings, although that was perhaps a generous description for an endless world of darkness. Astral projection never usually made the physical world melt away. Anytime he contacted MK this way all he could see was a vision of his soul, he couldn't see where he was.

He tried to rack his brain for any time he had projected to Macaque outside of the Void and he found he couldn't recall a single time that wasn't from days long past. He didn't generally need to and it was a bit invasive - they had phones for a reason.

He thought it might be worth testing what happened when Macaque was in the physical realm with him because right now this was giving some credence to the theory that Macaque's soul was connected to this place in a pretty significant way.

He didn't want to consider any theory too deeply at the moment however not until Macaque was back to discuss things.

He supposed he had to be quite grateful to the monkeys for forcing him to take breaks and eat and sleep. Macaque would be furious if he came back to find he hadn't been taking care of himself but it was hard not to fret. Although even he could admit his check-ins were a little too frequent.

He started setting alarms for himself - no astral projecting allowed until the next one went off and the monkeys took this rule very seriously. Going to great lengths to ensure he adhered to it.

It was two days after Macaque left for the Void that something was different when he went to check on him. He wasn't lying down asleep anymore, in fact it looked like he was sitting talking to someone and Wukong had just interrupted. Macaque looked extraordinarily guilty as he stood up.

"Ah, Wukong, I was just on my way back!"

Confused, he asked, "Who are you talking to? Did someone else project to you?"

The only person he was aware of that could astral project that might have any interest in contacting Macaque was MK. And while he wasn't one hundred percent confident that MK knew absolutely nothing about the Void, it felt odd that he would be there now.

Macaque winced as he admitted, "Ah, no. I might have already left?" He hastened to add, "Literally like an hour ago! I, er, just needed to check up on some things?"

Later, he no doubt would be annoyed that Macaque hadn't come straight home or at least let him know he had left but right now he was a little more concerned with something else.

He clarified, "You're not in the Void right now, then?"

Clearly misinterpreting his tone, Macaque tried to pacify him, "No but I'll be with you in, like, five minutes. Less than five minutes. I just had to... Why are you looking at me like that?"

Macaque's soul was still surrounded by that same all consuming black and no part of him thought this was a good sign.

He rubbed at his temple, "Just get your ass back here now."

Macaque nodded quickly, "Absolutely. I'm basically already there."

Wukong broke off the connection as Macaque turned around to explain to whoever he was with that he had to go.

...

Ok, apparently later was now. How dare he not come straight back here! Wukong had been worried sick for two days straight and he just went off to hang out with someone else? He was going to kick his ass when he appeared!

Which as promised only took about thirty seconds and Wukong didn't give him a chance to stammer out any platitudes before grabbing his shirt and shaking him, "Where the hell have you been? Do you have any idea how worried I've been? And you just went off gallivanting!?"

Macaque grabbed on to his wrists to try and stop him, "Alright! Alright! Stop! Let me explain!"

He stopped with the shaking but he still held him as if he threatened to start again at the slightest provocation, "Talk."

Macaque took a breath, "Look, I never usually come straight back from the Void, ok? Takes a bit to get used to being physical again. And then I like to check to see what I've missed - you know, see if I've got any calls or messages. Sometimes I even do a quick peek around the houses to make sure everyone is fine. Usually only takes an hour or two tops and then I come right here."

Wukong eyed him suspiciously, that all sounded reasonable but if that was true why was he behaving like he'd been caught doing something wrong, "Who were you talking to?"

Macaque coughed a little awkwardly before rubbing at his neck, "Bǎi Hé...?"

"You don't sound so sure of that."

Macaque sighed and stepped out of his grasp, which he begrudgingly allowed, "No, I really was talking to her. I... I wasn't quite ready to face the music and I was hoping she might be able to settle my nerves."

He frowned, "What did you think I was going to do when you got back?"

Aggrieved, Macaque responded, "It wasn't that. I was just... embarrassed about how I acted. I know I'm dramatic but that really was taking it too far - got us both upset over nothing."

It definitely wasn't over nothing but he couldn't disagree the whole thing could have been handled a lot better. Wukong had had the last two days to agonise and come to terms with it but Macaque hadn't - he'd basically been asleep the entire time - and he could understand why he might need a moment to lament things.

Deciding to be forgiving, he asked, "Did she help?"

A bit of the tension melting off him, Macaque responded, "A little. She didn't actually know what the problem was, so it was more of a general pep-talk/lecture to get a grip. Honestly, she can be a little merciless."

Wukong snorted, "I wonder where she got that from."

Macaque shrugged and lied, "I have no idea."

Fond against his will, he huffed. Before opening his arms, "Alright, I'm appeased. Get back over here so I can properly welcome you back."

Perhaps a little more eager than he intended, Macaque was quickly back in his space and holding him tightly. For this moment at least, all was forgiven as he relished in the feeling of having Macaque in his arms. To actually be able to touch him, instead of pretending to while he was astral projecting.

Their tails had intertwined almost immediately and as he pulled back to kiss Macaque's cheek, he quietly told him, "Welcome back."

Macaque placed a chaste kiss on his lips before answering, "Good to be back. Sorry I was gone for so long."

Part of him was tempted to forego any immediate conversation and just carry him to bed and snuggle up with him but if past experience had taught him anything it was that putting off important chats only made them more difficult.

So with a heroic effort, he led them to the couch instead, "C'mon, drama queen, let's get this show on the road. We've got a lot to talk about."

Despite sighing dramatically, Macaque followed him, flopping on the couch, as he commented, "I suppose so." But he sobered up quickly, "First and foremost though, I am sorry about, well, everything. Freaking out, keeping secrets... Doesn't really matter what reasons I had, it was shitty of me. I'm sorry."

As glad as he was for an apology, it really wasn't enough to completely pacify him, "The freaking out I can forgive but keeping secrets? Of that magnitude? I can't pretend I'm not still upset about it."

Everyone had their secrets, even him, and he didn't expect Macaque to tell him every little thing he'd ever thought or done but this was way too big for him not to have shared with him.

Macaque had said he deserved to know so he could have a choice and he did appreciate the sentiment but more than that if this was something that could have a big impact on either of them or their relationship then he just needed to be in the know in general.

Macaque accepted this easily, "I know. I always knew that I needed to tell you but... No, I don't want to make excuses. Look, I wish I could promise you there'll be no more secrets from now on but I can't... I promise to try though. Anything you ask me from now on, I'll do my best to be upfront about."

He would actually really like to hear Macaque's "excuses", he was pretty sure he understood why he'd kept this a secret and it felt important to talk about it but for now he decided to test Macaque on his word.

Getting straight into it, he asked, "How many people know about your condition? And about the Void?"

"Niú and Gōngzhǔ probably know about as much as you do now. Red Son knows more than anyone about my physical condition, but I've never told him about the Void, although I wouldn't put it past him to figure it out eventually. The only other person who knows anything about my condition, my vision and taste and the like, is Bǎi Hé but she knows absolutely nothing else."

He then hesitated and added, "For the sake of being upfront though... She has seen my scars and ears. She's the only one other than you."

Well that wasn't a question he was going to ask but now that he had the answer he was a little flummoxed, "Bǎi Hé has seen you without your glamours...? When? Why?"

It felt unfair to be upset about that but he hadn't even had a chance to look at them properly yet.

Macaque was surprisingly serious, "Wukong, if I tell you this, it doesn't leave this room. This is Bǎi Hé's business, alright? Swear, you won't breathe a word of this again."

A little shocked, he held up his hands, "I swear. Jeez. If it's that big a deal, you don't have to tell me."

He would very much like to know but Macaque's glamours were not actually under question here. Sure, Wukong was a little sensitive about it but at the end of the day that was his issue not Macaque's. Macaque didn't owe him his true appearance and definitely not any of Bǎi Hé's secrets.

But he had a feeling Macaque felt the need to prove how serious he was about being honest.

"You don't need the details but just know she has a lot of scars from when the Lady Bone Demon had her. She was feeling really self-conscious about them so I took my glamours down so she knew I wasn't just talking shit just to make her feel better."

God, did Macaque love that kid. He wasn't sure there was anything he wouldn't do for her. He imagined that hadn't been easy for him - no doubt it was a very Lady Bone Demon heavy chat as well as being physically laid bare like that.

He couldn't help but ask, "I know I've never spent a lot of time with her but I don't remember seeing any scars...?"

"I set her up with some glamours but before that she used to basically cover up head to toe, wore a lot of make up, you would never have seen them."

Honestly, that was more than he needed to know, "You didn't need to tell me any of this."

"I know, and I probably shouldn't have, but you asked and I... I want to make it up to you for lying. And don't think I don't know how hung up you are on my glamours. But that's a conversation for another day, ok?"

He nodded eagerly, "Yeah. Of course. Whenever you're ready to talk about it, I'm all ears!"

He cringed a little at his enthusiasm but the fact that Macaque had brought it up had him feeling incredibly hopeful. And if he was being honest, it did go a long way to show him how serious he was.

But this was a tangent that didn't need any more time spent on it right now. He cleared his throat to dismiss any lingering embarrassment and said, "Ok, getting back on track. That's really the only people that know?"

Macaque looked a little unimpressed, "I'm as shocked as you are. Your student could do with a brush up on his observation skills. I think him and a couple of his friends have some suspicions but Red Son hasn't told them anything. He wouldn't dare."

He really did want to defend MK, Macaque was an impressive actor after all, but he felt a little embarrassed on his behalf that he hadn't seemed to have at least clocked that Macaque was pretty much blind. The greatest kindness he could do was move the conversation along however.

"Actually, talking about Red Son. I may have paid him and his folks a visit while you were away."

Macaque looked tired at just the thought, "Yeah, I figured. Let me guess, I'm due to get my ass handed to me?"

"Well, they did say that you were to visit them as soon as possible and they did look pretty pissed. So, I'm going to say chances are high?"

For all that he was upset with Macaque, he didn't think he would wish an angry Gōngzhǔ on anyone.

"Can't say I didn't see this coming. You managed to get back in one piece though?"

"Oh yeah, it was a little tense with Gōngzhǔ but I had such a good heart to heart with Niú afterwards. When did he get so wise and considerate, eh?"

"I think the same way you did but in the reverse order - marriage and a mountain."

Wukong wisely did not mention he had had a pretty famous third thing help with his character development, instead opting to tease, "You think I'm wise?"

"Wise-r. But not by much. Although, can't really say I've got a leg to stand on right now."

"Wow. You really have been humbled by this, haven't you?"

"Give me a couple of days and I'll be back on form."

He was already sounding way better than he had before he left and Wukong found he was almost reluctant to stir up any feelings of fear again but they had to talk about it.

"Yeah, about that. So I spoke with Niú and Gōngzhǔ, saw Red Son's reports and figured they've got that side of things well covered. So I've been thinking of other ways that I could try and help figure out if your condition really is deteriorating and I think I found it."

Macaque frowned but he didn't interrupt.

"You remember, you said you felt it in your soul that you would go back permanently one day? Well, I figured that was worth digging into. Explore where that's coming from and initially I thought I would just be teaching you how to meditate on your spirit, and that's definitely part of it, but when I astral projected to you earlier I saw something sort of concerning."

Macaque had predictably pulled some faces at the idea of spiritual meditation but he looked genuinely confused about his closing statement, "What did you see?"

"I looked like you were in the Void."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I mean I couldn't see anything but darkness and your soul. I thought that's just how it was when I projected to the Void but you weren't there, right?"

"You can see the Void...?"

He looked a little perturbed by this information and Wukong couldn't blame him, not if he was coming to the same conclusions he was. Macaque looked thoughtful and he waited to see what he came up with.

"That shouldn't be possible. You shouldn't see anything but a representation of my soul... Unless the darkness you're seeing is a part of that...?"

That was unfortunately what he had been thinking too.

It also struck him that he hadn't had to search for Macaque's soul. He had searched where he always did but somehow he had automatically been taken to where he had actually been - that wasn't how it was supposed to work and he shared this realisation with him.

Macaque was quiet as he processed this, before slowly theorising, "The Void isn't a place as such, it's more the space where everything exists, it's everywhere and nowhere all at once. If you were looking for my soul "in" the Void, then if I'm connected to it, I guess you'll always be able to find me regardless of if I'm there or not? But the fact that you're able to access the Void in any capacity..."

That actually had him perking up, "Hey, you're right. Maybe that's an angle we need to explore. We should see if MK or someone can also reach you there."

He was taken aback by how vehemently Macaque shot him down, "Absolutely not. No way. I'm not putting him at risk."

"Woah! At risk? What are you talking about? Worst case scenario, he can't reach you. Sure, he might get a little invested in helping but... What's with that face? What's wrong?"

He looked like he was considering something particularly unpleasant but he seemed to lose whatever argument he was having in his head. Again, he looked at him with the utmost seriousness, "Wukong, I'm going to show you something and you have to swear on the lives of our troupe that you'll never go looking for it, that you'll never use it."

His eyes widened at the stipulation, he wouldn't make him swear on the monkeys unless it was something beyond serious, "Macaque... I can't make that promise. Not without knowing what it is."

Another internal conflict seemed to ensue before defeatedly Macaque pulled something solid from the shadows. And while it looked different but there was no denying what it was.

"You finished your lantern?"

The most notable feature was the vertical shutters that were currently hiding whatever was hiding inside. He was sure they could snap open at Macaque's command however.

Macaque nodded, "A while ago."

He had almost forgotten about it, it had been so long ago that he'd started working on it and he'd never offered any updates on how it was progressing. At the very beginning they had discussed what he was hoping to achieve and his worries over any unintentional functions but that was it.

He had a feeling that the lantern had not gone according to plan and that's why he hadn't been told it was finished.

Warily, he asked, "What does it do?"

"Not what I was hoping it would... I think I inadvertently created a gateway to the Void?"

He pointed at the lantern, "You're saying that I could use this to go to the Void?"

The lantern immediately disappeared back into the shadows as Macaque snapped, "No, that's the exact opposite of what I'm saying. You are not to use it. Your body can't exist in the Void. Only your soul can but it won't survive the experience."

He raised an eyebrow, "How do you know?"

Macaque huffed as he looked away, "How'd you think? I tested it. The few I decided didn't deserve mercy are alive and sorely wishing they weren't. Although, I'm not sure the ones I killed are actually any more at peace. No idea if they even made it to the Dìyù, and if they did who knows if their souls can actually be repaired."

"Jeez, Macaque. How many people have you used this on?"

"Four but trust me they all deserved it."

He'd be lying if said he felt totally comfortable with the fact that Macaque apparently still tortured and killed people. That was the kind of thing he wouldn't have batted an eyelash at back in the day, hell he'd done more than his fair share, but it really wasn't the done thing anymore.

Something must have shown on his face or in his magic because a little defensively, Macaque responded, "I don't just go around killing people for the hell of it but it's not like there's no risk of it when I'm allied with MK and the Demon Bull Clan."

It wasn't an unfair comment. He was sure being associated with him likely didn't help things either. It's not like he wasn't aware Macaque had killed people in recent years - it was sort of inevitable with the company Macaque kept - but they just didn't tend to discuss it in any great detail. Probably something they should address at some point.

"I know. I know. Sorry, I didn't mean to make a face or whatever. It just caught me off guard, I guess. Bottom line though is that the lantern is dangerous for most people but let's face it, I'm not most people."

Macaque looked like he wanted to maul him, and he hastened to add, "Look, I'm not saying I'm in a rush to put it to the test but I don't think we should rule it out completely. It feels pretty significant that I can astral project to you there, right?"

Macaque was not appeased, "I don't care. No matter what happens, you are not to use that lantern. No one is."

He wasn't promising never to use it but he wasn't going to go behind Macaque's back to mess with it, "Fine. But I still think we should get MK to-"

"No."

Alright, this clearly wasn't up for discussion. But he thought Macaque was being overly paranoid. A projection was not the same as sending someone's soul elsewhere and it had the added safety feature of having two anchor points, the projector and the target, albeit the former was more secure than the latter.

But he could see he was only upsetting Macaque, and so he conceded, "Alright. Alright. No getting anyone else involved in Void stuff. We'll do what we can just the two of us, ok?"

Honestly, Macaque didn't look keen on that either but he definitely wasn't winning that argument. And he seemed to accept this but he wasn't quite willing to let it go without a final warning.

"Wukong, you want to help me find ways to explore my soul? Fine. But I need you to understand why you can't take the risk on the Void. Try and imagine it - you have no body, you can't hear, see or feel. You can't speak and you are completely alone. That's enough to drive anyone crazy but then your soul is also aware of every shadow and shape in existence? Even if that didn't warp your soul, when you came back to your body, your mind wouldn't be able to comprehend it. Tell me you understand."

He didn't want to imagine it. It was the sort of thing nightmares were made of. But Macaque was able to survive it. Surely, he couldn't be the only one? But he put any thoughts of them somehow bridging the physical realm and the Void on the back burner for now. Hopefully a lot of meditation would turn up some answers in time.

As seriously as he could, he responded, "I do understand and I swear I'm not going to be reckless about this. I won't willingly put either of us in any sort of danger. I promise."

He withstood Macaque's scrutiny and after a moment he sighed, looking tired, "You haven't even considered the ramifications of me deteriorating, have you? You just believe this will all work out somehow."

He hadn't given it any thought beyond figuring out if it was possible and how to stop it. It didn't seem worth fretting over depressing hypotheticals until he'd at least done the former and he was pretty confident that they had plenty of time before any deteriorating might happen. It irked him slightly that Macaque's tone suggested that he was being naïve about this.

But he kept a level head, "I think we might need to work on finding some middle ground here. You think I'm being too optimistic, but I think you're being way too pessimistic. All the evidence suggests that if anything is happening to you then it's happening so slowly that we have plenty of time to figure it out. You said yourself it might take thousands of years for the Void to take you back. We don't need to obsess over worst case scenarios."

"Wukong..." He hesitated before he seemed to decide to go for it, "I know it's a running joke that we're married but I need you to really consider what it means to dedicate yourself to someone else - in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I need to know that you can think past how you feel right now."

He felt himself growing irritated with how little faith Macaque seemed to have in him but it was cut short as he remembered Niú's words.

Macaque knows what it is to love someone to his own detriment. I have witnessed his loyalty slowly destroy him once before. He does not wish that fate upon you.

The situation was more complex than a lack of faith. He stood by his opinion that Macaque was being pessimistic but he'd clearly given more thought to the future than Wukong had. Generally, he believed it was better to be in the moment than lose time worrying about things yet to happen but, like all things, there was a balance to strike.

He nodded slowly, "Ok, you want me to think about it? I will. Give me some time and then we can talk about what the future might hold and how we feel about it."

Macaque looked surprised at his acceptance before he seemed to backpedal slightly, "Look, I know I'm being super down on everything, I don't want you to think I think we're doomed or whatever. I just... You're right, I'm probably overthinking it, let fear fester and take over."

He took hold of Macaque's hand, "Hey, I don't blame you for being scared, or for worrying about the future. Especially, now that I have some idea of why that is. You've given me a lot to think about, the least I can do is, y'know, actually think about it."

Macaque let out a long breath, "I... Appreciate that. I'll do my part too - I'll talk to you, I'll try not to be so afraid. I don't want to be so scared about the future I miss out on what we have right now. You... think you could help me with that?"

He was sure his expression was something achingly soft as he leaned his head against Macaque's before gently saying, "We are going to do so much mediating."

Macaque's responding groan was like music to his ears.

----

Despite, Macaque's admission that he was afraid, it was clear that being ill and stressed had greatly exacerbated things the other week and Wukong suspected he would not have the same struggle going to the Void next time, which somewhat decreased the urgency to find an immediate answer.

It helped that they were under no illusion that there was a quick fix for this situation and while they both were still very much committed to finding answers, they had instead chosen to focus on addressing their relationship for the time being.

It was very much a work in progress, figuring out how to temper their respective optimism and pessimism to find a middle ground, especially when the roles sometimes flipped, but overall he felt like they were making good progress.

Not to say every moment was filled with serious conversations or deep thoughts because life was very much still going on around them - monkeys were having drama, friends still wanted to meet up, there were plans they'd made to go out in advance that were now upon them and then there was just day to day living.

Although, one unexpected addition to his week had been Macaque's insistence that they consider experimenting with their magic, since somebody had told Niú and Gōngzhǔ that's what had been the kicking off point for the drama the other week.

He had spluttered defensively, "What was I supposed to tell them! "Oh yeah, turns out that I have a dick that fucking glows with magic and it was a bit much." Gōngzhǔ would have actually murdered me!"

Macaque had been in hysterics over his "magic dick" - he'd genuinely cried with laughter. Wukong put aside any embarrassment to make comments to keep him laughing for as long as possible. When he finally calmed down, it was to stroke his ego, "Honestly, magic dick is right. I can't tell you much I'm looking forward to having it again."

His face had been burning even as he tried to weakly argue, "You want to... Even after what happened?"

There had been an impish sparkle in Macaque's eye, "Between magic cock rings, experimenting with magic and some inspired ideas I have in mind, I think it would be a crime not to try again."

He was never going to live the "magic cock ring" thing down but he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to find ways to make sex work for them. He wasn't wholly convinced it was a good idea though and it had taken a fair bit of back and forth for Macaque to convince him that sex wasn't inherently dangerous for him. They just had to take their time with it and figure it out.

Despite feeling reassured, he knew he was going to be a bit overcautious for a while to come. Although, he had to admit he was both curious and a little terrified of what Macaque's "inspired ideas" were - with a grin full of mischief he had said he would reveal all when the time was right.

He was sure leaving him in the dark was a deliberate move to work him up because that was definitely the effect it had - unable to stop himself from trying to imagine what he might have planned.

For the moment though, he did his best to put any such salacious thoughts to the back of his mind. He was more than ready to hear Macaque's suggestions for magic experimentation.

"I want to stress test my tolerance for magic."

And he was immediately out. Macaque was quick to try and persuade him, "Don't dismiss it until you've heard the details. I'm not asking you to saturate me in magic until I call uncle and have to hightail it to the Void. I'm talking small-scale, carefully controlled, external experiments."

He was sure there was a silent "to start with" tacked on to the end of that but he let it go for the moment. In theory, knowing how much magic Macaque could comfortably handle before it became too much could be incredibly useful but he didn't like the idea of having to get close to the limit in order to find it.

But Macaque's initial request was just to experiment with different intensities of orbs of their magic to see how they reacted and that was such a benign ask that he was more than happy to oblige. They'd done similar exercises before when they had been trying to help him with his fear of foreign magic after all and there had been no issues then.

Macaque had looked increasingly thoughtful as they'd carried on and when asked he confessed, "Being totally honest, it's not just the intensity of magic that's the issue but the other metric I'm interested in is a little more difficult to figure out."

"What is it?"

Bizarrely, Macaque looked a little embarrassed, coughing a little before admitting, "Well, the intensity of emotion you're feeling might be just as important with regards to how overwhelming your magic is. It might be possible that I can actually handle quite a lot of your magic if there's not so much emotion behind it."

He hadn't really understood what he'd meant for a moment but the out of character bashfulness had made it click and he felt his face redden. When they had slept together, all he'd been able to think about was Macaque and while he hoped his feelings were coming across, he hadn't meant for it to happen quite so literally.

They couldn't quite meet each other's eyes as Macaque continued, "Yeah... Er, not saying it wasn't something to be able to feel how you felt in the moment but feeling someone else's emotions while you're having plenty of your own, on top of some magic sensitivity? It was... a lot."

He wasn't sure what the correct response was to that, but a little mortified to literally have thrust such raw, unguarded emotion on to Macaque, he tired, "I...Uh, Sorry? I mean, not about how I felt but- Er, actually maybe a little bit about how I felt? But I didn't mean to, y'know, have that happen."

He wasn't sure why he was so embarrassed. He already knew that Macaque could pick up on his emotions pretty accurately through his magic just by being near him. Though he sort of likened that to being able to tell by someone's expression how they were feeling. But to be able to feel exactly what he'd been feeling in that moment? In all it's intensity? To know how absolutely sickeningly besotted he was with him?

He was never going to recover.

A little shyly, Macaque admitted, "I didn't hate it. It was... Pretty incredible actually. I, er, sort of wish you could know what it felt like but, y'know, the other way round."

He was powerless but to move closer as he asked, "Yeah...?"

"Yeah... Only fair, right? For you to know how I feel."

Later, he would ponder if it could be possible. If he honed his magic sensitivity to even a fraction of that of Macaque's maybe he would be able to feel it to some extent. There were doubtless plenty of exercises that he could try. And the payoff would definitely be worth the effort.

For right now though, he was a little too enamoured by the charged atmosphere that was surrounding them. Their tails found each other almost unthinkingly, but once hands started to find their way to hips and shoulders however he could only be thankful for how efficiently the shadows could get them somewhere private.

----

It was a rare thing for MK to drop by unannounced but apparently he'd been flying back home from visiting a friend when he realised how close to the island he was and had decided to drop in and say hi. He'd been apologetic for not calling ahead but Wukong had been quick to wave him off, he was always welcome here and Wukong was always happy to see him.

Macaque had, of course, heard him well before he reached them and had told him he would hang out elsewhere on the island so the two could catch up. It really wasn't necessary, it would be nice for all three of them to spend some time together, and he'd said as much. A quick compromise had been reached though, because as much as he'd meant what he'd said, he did love having some one-on-one time with MK. Macaque would join them in a little while.

Currently MK was showing him videos and pictures from Gōngzhǔ and Niú's most recent party and filling him in on highlights from the night. He'd already seen most of it online, and Macaque had been there so he'd already heard all the gossip but none of that was anywhere near a good enough reason to stop him from listening with rapt attention.

It was as he was flicking through the pictures that he stopped on one that had Macaque in the background with a woman beside him, he asked MK, "Oh, is that this Lady Jiānyá that Mac was telling me about?"

"Hm? Oh yeah! She would not leave him alone! I think she thought he was just playing hard to get or something? Which is weird because I thought it was pretty common knowledge that he was with you."

Well, it was common knowledge to those that knew them and probably anyone employed by the Demon Bull Clan but outside of that the world likely assumed the Monkey King was happily single, kicking back, enlightened, on Flower Fruit Mountain. And really it was probably better that way - it would bring Macaque no shortage of hardships to advertise who he was in a relationship with.

He considered the photo, interest in Lady Jiānyá already lost, as he focused on Macaque's outfit, "Well, with a getup like that who can blame her for trying her luck? I think that might be some of my finest work."

MK laughed, "Oh yeah, that's what she was interested in. Although, I've got to admit it is a super nice outfit. I can never get over the fact that you make all Mac's clothes from scratch! Maybe I should come to you next time I have to go to one of these parties!"

He had been teasing but Wukong's tail gave an excited little flick even as he tried to play it cool, "Y'know, I probably have some outfits that are just your size - how about we go have a look? See if there's anything you fancy."

Outfits that were exactly his size, made specifically for him. And he had designs for plenty more.

MK put up some token protests, but he was easily swayed and the two of them spent a very enjoyable afternoon trying on the various clothes that he had made for both of them.

MK had clocked on pretty fast that these outfits had been tailor made for him and he had questioned, a little suspiciously, how Wukong had possibly gotten his measurements. But that was an easy answer - the Tailor Trio, at Red Son's request, had made MK a number of outfits over the years and they weren't hard to bribe.

And then Macaque joined them and he had been disgusted by the lack of flair to this fashion show and so with a little bit of magic they had a mini cat walk with an audience to go with it. Macaque, star and director of the whole thing, obviously.

He was surprised no monkeys had been drawn to the fun and he had a feeling Macaque was possibly doing something to keep them at bay. Which he appreciated because to be honest he would be more than a little upset if they ruined any of these clothes.

By the end of the day, MK had a phone filled with pictures of the three of them and he had a feeling he might have to make some more clothes for some more people once a certain dragon saw them. But he found he wasn't too upset about that as he and Macaque cheerfully said their goodbyes to MK.

----

It was long after they'd had dinner that night that Macaque interrupted the show they were watching to say, "It wasn't just your outfit that had Lady Jiānyá all over me, y'know."

Wukong had looked at him uncomprehendingly for a long moment, before giving up, "What?"

Disinterestedly, he responded, "I could be wearing rags and I'd still have suitors begging for even a glance in their direction."

He turned so he could face Macaque, leaning back on the arm of the chair, bemused, "Oh? You trying to say I don't know that it wasn't just my incredible talent that had that demon fawning over you?"

"Wasn't just her. I basically have to fight off interested parties with a stick every time I attend one of those parties."

He propped his head up on his arm, as he grinned, "You don't say? Must be that humility of yours that they find so attractive."

He wasn't sure what Macaque's angle was here - was he fishing for compliments? Neither of them were really one for calling the other handsome or beautiful or the like but he wasn't against it in theory. Or did he want a reaction? It would be unusual but he could maybe see that being something Mac could be into.

It turned out to be neither.

"I know I'm no "Handsome" Monkey King but believe it or not people think I'm quite the looker." The façade broke, "Or they did. Back when my face actually looked like this."

Oh.

He sat up a little straighter, all humour leaving him, as he waited for Macaque to continue.

He laughed a little self-deprecatingly, "It feels like something I should have grown out of. The desire to have everyone looking at me in awe. God knows, without the glamours it wouldn't be anything close to awe they looked at me with. It would be with pity, revulsion, if they could even stand to look at me at all. I can't say that doesn't at least play a small part in why I can't take them down around you."

He would like to say that it didn't matter to him how Macaque looked, that he'd love him regardless, but while it may be true. It wasn't helpful, and that wasn't what he was worried about.

"Macaque... I can't say that I wouldn't look at you differently without your glamours. Especially, not at first. Pity and revulsion wouldn't get a look in but I couldn't pretend that it would never upset or anger me to see the evidence of everything you've been through. But I've also never really looked at you with awe because of your looks, y'know? Not because you aren't, y'know, objectively attractive or anything I just..."

It felt awkward to say he'd never really looked at Macaque's face and thought it was beautiful. But he hadn't ever thought of anyone's face like that. He understood what most people considered to be attractive but he had just never really understood it.

That's not to say that he didn't love Macaque's face. The way his eyes lit up with mischief, or the way he showed so many teeth when he laughed, or the hundreds of other little expressions he knew so well - they all certainly invoked beautiful feelings within him.

Maybe he was worrying over semantics but he didn't think that Mac's scars would stop him feeling that way.

But equally, he wasn't sure how he'd feel about having such prominent scars, he already hid the ones he did have from everyone but Macaque and the monkeys. And he could admit he had enough pride and vanity that he'd probably struggle with letting the world see him with scars like Macaque's.

He could tell himself all he wanted that he would still feel comfortable having his glamours off around Macaque but he wasn't sure if it was actually true.

Mac's didn't seem to take offence though, "I know... But the thought of standing next to you, the Handsome Monkey King, looking the way I do... It just fills me with shame."

It would be nothing short of insulting to mention he had his own scars that likely made him less attractive. It wasn't comparable, Macaque's scars were disfiguring, if he were to go without his glamours out in the world people would stop and stare.

But he wasn't out in the world, he was here, with him, and he shouldn't ever have to feel ashamed of how he looked, especially not in comparison to him but it didn't feel enough to say that.

Slowly he started, "How do we work on that? To make that feeling go away? What-?" He made a quiet, frustrated sound as tried to reword his question better, "How did you overcome that feeling last time? You know, when we were..."

Macaque looked faintly embarrassed as he looked away, "It was just a heat of the moment thing. I just... I know how badly you want to see me without my glamours and in that moment all I could feel was... was how much you loved me and... everything just felt right, like it would be ok, I wasn't thinking of the consequences. I... I just wanted to give as much as I was getting and to be as close to you as possible, no hiding away."

Macaque paused for a moment, clearly struggling to find the right words, before continuing, "I'm not saying I don't want that now, I do, but even if I can get over the shame. We don't, I mean, I don't want to-" he took a breath and faced him, "Wukong, some of my scars will just bring up a whole host of bad and awkward feelings. And we'll probably have to talk about it and I don't know if I'll ever be ready to talk about that day."

There was no need to ask what day he was referring to. They had talked around it during their big reconciliation years ago but neither of them had been prepared to discuss it in detail.

He had the sudden realisation that Macaque hadn't let down all his glamours last time, there were two glaring scars missing that his tired and hazy mind hadn't picked up on at the time. There should have been matching scars on Macaque's back and stomach.

His ears started ringing.

After their bloody fight, Macaque had made a desperate lunge for his master and all he had been able to think about was stopping him. He had brought his staff down on his back with such force that it went right through him, pinning him to the earth.

He hadn't paused, letting go of his staff and moving his master a safe distance away. But he hadn't been able to let go of his master's arms as he stood trembling as he heard the choked sobs from behind him, unable to comprehend what he had just done, immortality be damned.

Seconds had felt like an eternity before his master's gentle call of his name had registered. He had let go and slowly turned around to see that the gruesome scene he had created had gotten worse.

One eye was how it had been - swollen, the blood he'd gotten in it forcing it shut but the other... In the seconds he'd had his back turned Macaque had clawed it out.

He's not sure why he just stood there, watching as Macaque's hitching breaths faded to nothing. Distantly, he knew that he had to remove his staff so that the peaches could start to heal the wound but he couldn't move.

He'd killed Macaque.

The peaches would revive him but that didn't change what he'd done.

He had flinched at his master's featherlight touch on his shoulder, not able to hear whatever he might have been saying. It was enough to finally break his trance however and he unsteadily made his way over to Macaque.

His hands shook as they took hold of his staff, and a sob escaped him when it didn't immediately come free, embedded in the ground below, he didn't want to force it out. Thankfully, his master had followed him, quietly telling him to shrink it.

He narrowed it and pulled it free before staggering back and collapsing to his knees a short distance away, unable to look away.

Hollow and hoarse, he said, "Master, you have to get away. When he comes back, I don't know what he'll do. Go to the others. I... I'll think of something."

"Wukong, he's..."

"He's eaten the immortal peaches. In a few minutes he'll be breathing again, in a few hours he'll be standing. You need to leave."

His master had been doubtful and it had taken a desperate shout for him to leave for him to finally walk away.

He kept up his vigil as his mind desperately tried to think of what to do, of what to say. But it all became meaningless as minutes became hours and nothing changed - his wounds didn't heal, his chest didn't begin to rise and fall.

He had started to babble in that time - apologies, admonishments, pleas - becoming increasingly desperate as time went on. When eventually he found the strength to use his Golden Vision it revealed nothing but a corpse.

His staff rolled from his lap as he finally released it from the white knuckled hold he'd had on it, "Mac...?"

He stood unsteadily, hand outreached as he took a step closer, only for Macaque's body to suddenly start to melt in a familiar purple hue. He tripped as he tried to get to him but by the time he fell to his knees beside where he had been he was grasping at shadows.

He swallowed down his nausea. Just the mention of that day was enough to leave him feeling sick and retched. He did his best to focus on Macaque in front of him, here and alive.

He took a steadying breath, "I understand. I don't think I'm ready to talk about it either. I... I didn't mean to put any pressure on you about your glamours. I'd be lying if I didn't want to see you without them but you have your reasons for keeping them on and I promise I respect that. You never have to take them off if you don't want to. I won't ever ask you to."

Macaque looked a little frustrated, "But that's the thing. I do want to take them off, I just can't work up the nerve."

Wukong considered this carefully before tentatively suggesting, "I know it might involve a bit of work on reconfiguring things on your end but maybe you can just take off some of your glamours...? Like, so maybe just some of your scars show or your ears maybe?"

Macaque looked uncertain as he responded, "Yeah, I... I could maybe do that. I only have a couple of spots with extra glamours but I could try and change that..."

He was quick to reassure him, "You don't have to though! I'm just spitballing ideas!"

"No, it's a good idea. I should have thought of it myself really. I'll think about it." He then stood up, "I think I need a minute though."

Despite the bolt of anxiety that went through him, he nodded, "Yeah, sure, of course. I, er, I'll be right here."

Macaque walked over to him and brought a hand to his face as he kissed his cheek, "I'll just be in my room."

He hesitated, before giving into the urge to wrap his arms tightly around him for only a moment. He might want to be as close as possible to Macaque after remembering that awful day but he could imagine remembering the same thing might cause him to want the exact opposite.

He let him go with a quiet, "I love you."

"I love you too. I'll get you in bed later, ok?"

"Ok."

----

Glamours didn't come up again for a little while, Wukong determined not to mention them before Macaque did.

But it really shouldn't have come as a surprise to him when one day between getting up to grab a drink from the kitchen and coming back to sit on the couch Macaque had taken down some of his glamours with absolutely no warning.

He choked on his drink as he noticed that two ears had become six and he wasted precious time coughing up a lung. Despite laughing at him, it was clear Macaque was tense, clearly nervous about how their appearance would be received.

That didn't stop Wukong from cursing him and complaining that he'd done that on purpose but once the theatrics were out the way he let his eyes have their fill, flicking between each set and taking in every little detail.

The left set were exactly as they'd always been but Macaque hadn't opted to hide away the scarring on the right and Wukong felt an odd mix of gratitude and pride towards him for that.

He shuffled closer, raising his hands slowly, "Can I...?"

Macaque closed his eyes as he nodded and Wukong couldn't stop himself from keeping his touch feather soft as he ran his fingers along them with reverence. The texture on his right ears was notably different but he was in no way deterred.

"Can I...?"

Macaque nodded again, not needing any clarification, as he tilted his head so his good ears were closer to him.

This had been a favourite game of Wukong's back when they were younger. Tackling Macaque so he could cup his ears and see how they were glowing. You could only see the faint light in the dark but they had been the prettiest colours.

They had never been able to figure out why they glowed or if the different colours meant anything. All six ears always glowed the same colour but nothing seemed to prompt a particular shade to appear. Macaque's emotions or his physical state didn't seem to matter, not did any environmental factor. They just glowed however they liked.

He found himself nervous to see if they still glowed or if the Void had taken that from him too. He didn't let himself hesitate however, cupping his hands around all three ears and bringing his face right up next to them, he couldn't explain the relief he felt when he saw the faintest lavender glow from within.

He gave a small laugh as he pulled back, feeling a little emotional, he said, "They still glow."

He wasn't sure what to make of Macaque's expression as he asked, "What colour?"

"Lavender."

His expression fell slightly but he turned his head and offered the other set of ears before he could ask, "Check the other ones for me?"

He did so and it was with great reluctance he pulled back and told him, "I don't see anything."

He looked like he'd been expecting as much as Wukong moved his hands away so that Macaque could bring up one of his own to lightly touch his ears, "I guess I should be grateful that the left ones glow at all. Even if they probably don't glow the same as they did. I have a feeling they won't change from that colour."

Wukong brought up a hand to rest on his good ears, gently running his thumb over them, "I'll check them again later. But for what it's worth, they're still one of the prettiest colours I've ever seen."

Macaque huffed a little laugh, "Well, listen to you, Casanova."

"I'm serious. I hope you're prepared for me to try and get a look at them every time your ears are unglamoured."

Macaque rolled his eyes, "Just like back in the day, eh?"

He grinned, "Not quite because now every time I look at them I'll pay the toll."

"Oh? What toll?"

He leaned in close and placed a gentle kiss on the rim of each of his left ears. The last one he left with an audible "mwah", before pulling back and looking pleased with himself.

Macaque laughed, "You think that's the price of admission, huh? That all the "one of the prettiest colour you've ever seen" is worth to you?"

He kissed his lips before pulling back just enough to say, "Name your price. I'll pay anything for the privilege."

Macaque's tone was full of the mischief he loved so much, "Anything? That's brave of you. You sure about that?"

"When have I ever backed down? Try me."

He felt Macaque's hands slide up his thighs to rest on his hips, "How about we take this somewhere more comfortable and negotiate the terms? I want to see how persuasive you can be."

The answer was very.

Especially, when three sets of ears proved even more sensitive to honeyed words infused with magic than one.

--Chapter End--

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LMK Fanfic Masterlist

[enha-roza]

HOW MAKNAE LINE FOUND OUT

Enhypen 8thmember!oc

synopsis : How the maknae line found out and reacted to Roza and Hyung line dating.

wc : 1.8k

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *✧

Jungwon : The members agreed if anyone in the maknae line was gonna find out first it should be Jungwon. He’s the leader and it makes sense he should know for the dynamic of the team. It had been a month since they started dating and thought now would be a good time to tell Jungwon. The five of them were gathered in Roza’s room when they messaged Jungwon telling him to come see them.

“Hey, what's up?” Jungwon said, clearly confused as he was greeted by the five members waiting for him. “Umm, we wanted to talk to you about something…” Roza said quietly. Jungwon felt a little scared, was he in trouble or were they angry at him. He didn't know. “Is something wrong?” “no.. it's about something important. Sit down” Jungwon sat down next to Roza as Heeseung got ready to speak. “So I'm sure you have been well aware that some of us have had romantic feelings for Roza, Right?” Heeseung started. “Maybe…” Jungwon replied. “Well those feelings have turned into a relationship,” Heeseung continued. “With who?” Jungwon blurted, quickly looking at Roza to find out which member she was dating.

“That's the thing, it's not just one member.” “Wait, now I'm confused? More than one of you is dating Roza?” “all four of us are…” Jake said getting right to the point. “What…” “I know it's a lot to process but it's true and we wanted to let you know first because you're the leader.” Roza said as Jungwon’s mind went into overdrive. “All of you… at the same time?” “yes” they all said at once. “Well that's different, but i guess if it works why not?”

The air in the room was still thick as the members sat in silence. “Was that it?” “yea, that was it…” Roza whispered. “That wasn't as bad as I was expecting. It was kinda obvious you guys like Roza, but this wasn't the outcome I was expecting.” “Was it really that obvious?” Jay said. “I mean kinda, Niki was already suspicious.” “Really, He was?” Heeseung said as he was nervous. “What did he say?” “He said he caught you guys talking about it a couple of weeks ago?” “he was properly spying on us” “Yes i was” the members turn to see Niki at the door. “What are you doing? We're having a private conversation.” “Well you left the door wide open, that's not my fault.” He smirked.

Niki : “What's up?”. “I have a question and I want you to be honest with me”. “Yea dude, of course what up?” Jay said, getting a little concerned. Heeseung took a deep breath as he calmed his nerves before speaking. “How would you feel about us dating Roza… like at the same time?”. “You mean like us four all dating Roza together…” Jay said, clarifying what he heard. “Yeah, I don't know. Heeseung and I brought it up last night and it truly doesn't sound like a bad idea knowing how we all feel about her. This might be the best solution”. Heeseung nodded his head in agreement with Jake.

Niki stood outside the door as the older members talked amongst themself. Niki wasn't surprised at all. He had a hunch that at least two of them liked Roza but all of them. That was a little surprising. As Niki continued to listen through the door he heard them finishing up their talk and quickly went back to his room. Later that week he made his way to Jungwon's room to talk to him about what he found out.

“Hyung, can I talk to you?” “yeah what's up?” Niki braced himself as he knew what he was gonna say would sound a little weird. “I'm pretty sure the hyung’s like Roza…” “really, you think?” “well i don't think i know…” “wait what! How?” “I overheard them talking about it the other day.” Jungwon sat there confused. “All of them?” “Yeah, I think so?” “That's interesting,” Jungwon said, eyebrows furrowed together. “Well I guess we'll just have to see what happens with that then…” “What's the probability that they all date her” Niki said, a smirk on his face. “I'm gonna say pretty low… doesn't seem likely to me. Now leave my room.” Niki got up leaving Jungwon alone.

“That's the thing, it's not just one member.” “Wait, now I'm confused? More than one of you is dating Roza?” “all four of us are…” Jake said getting right to the point. “What…” “I know it's a lot to process but it's true and we wanted to let you know first because you're the leader.” Roza said as Jungwon’s mind went into overdrive. “All of you… at the same time?” “yes” they all said at once. “Well that's different, but i guess if it works why not?”

Niki had just finished gaming when he overheard the members talking. “What are they doing?” walking towards the sound, he was surprised to find the members all talking with the door wide open. He stood there and continued to listen as they talked.

“I mean kinda, Niki was already suspicious.” “Really, He was?” Heeseung said as he was nervous. “What did he say?” “He said he caught you guys talking about it a couple of weeks ago?” “he was properly spying on us”

“Yes i was” the members turn to see Niki at the door. “What are you doing? We're having a private conversation.” “Well you left the door wide open, that's not my fault.” He smirked. He watched as the Hyung line began to argue about who left it open. “It was probably Jake,” Jay pointed. “It wasn't me! It was probably Sunghoon!” Jake yelled back. Niki looked at Roza who called him over to join her and Jungwon on her bed. “So you already knew?” Roza questioned. “Not fully, but I had a hunch that was what was happening. You guys also were not subtle at all… just saying.” He laughed.

“Oh well, at least you know… only Sooyoung and Sunoo left.” She whispered. The four older boys were still squabbling when Roza told them to leave. “Wait, why?” Heeseung said as all four look equally confused. “I want time with my maknae’s. Now go.” "that's not fair…” Jake pouted. “Too bad!” Niki laughed. “Noona likes us more…” Jungwon smirked as the four hesitated to leave but eventually did. Roza, Jungwon and Niki continued to laugh as they heard them talking outside. “Can't believe our own girlfriend just kicked us out of her room.” “You like us more right?” Niki questioned. “Oh yeah.” Roza said, the trio giggling amongst themselves.

Sooyoung : Roza and Sooyoung being the only girls in Enhypen meant they were super close, often telling each other any and every secret. That also meant they knew when the other was keeping something from them. Both girls had been sitting in silence, just enjoying each other's company. Sooyoung could tell something was off, Roza kept glancing at her.

“You wanna tell me something?” Sooyoung questioned. Roza, caught off guard, just stared at her. “What no…” “you do i can see it on your face.” Roza hesitated before deciding to talk. “You know how i told you about how i maybe liked Heeseung…” “how you love him?” Sooyoung teased. “shut up…” Roza laughed shyly before carrying on. “Well I like someone else.” “Wait, who? What about Heeseung!” “just let me explain…” Sooyoung's eyes watching as Roza fought off her nerves. “I like Sunghoon too… and Jake and Jay as well maybe…” Now it was Roza's turn to watch as Sooyoung's brain worked overtime trying to register what she just said.

“You like all four of them?” “yeah, basically…” “Well that wasn't what i expected. I was expecting something more shocking.” She laughed. “I'm dating all four of them..” Roza blurted, Sooyoung looked shocked. “What?” “I'm dating all four of them…” “at the same time?” Roza nodded her head. Silence took over the room. Roza felt nervous, Sooyoung’s face shocked and still. “You're not mad are you. I promise I was gonna tell you sooner, I just forgot. And I wasn't planning for this to happen, it just happened, I swear-” Sooyoung grabbed Roza’s hands stopping her rambling.

“Hold on, I'm not mad. I'm just surprised okay…” The reassuring smile on Sooyoung’s face immediately calmed Roza down. “Okay, I just got scared. I didn't know how you were gonna feel.” “I get it. But it makes sense now, that was the big news I was expecting from you.” “You always read me like a book, don't you?” “I have my hunches.” both girls lying down on Sooyoung's bed giggling. “So how long have you guys been dating?” “I would say close to a month I think?” Roza could see Sooyoung’s smirking creeping onto her face.

“What?” “have you kissed any of them yet?” Roza rolled her eyes, a blush spreading across her face. “Maybe…” “It was Heeseung wasn't it?” “how did you know?” Roza questioned. “let's just say Niki caught you two in the dressing room a couple of days ago..” Sooyoung laughed as Roza sat up shocked. “Niki can't keep his mouth shut can he!” She half shouted. “No, I don't think he can.” Sooyoung watched as Roza got up quickly leaving her room. “Where are you going?” “I need to tell Sunoo before Niki does.”

Sunoo : Sunoo was coming out of the bathroom after doing a face-mask when Roza came running towards him and pushed him back inside the bathroom. “Woah, what's happening?” He questioned as Roza locked that door. “I need to tell you something.” “Yeah, what is it?” “I'm dating Heeseung-” “what!” Sunoo shouted, cutting Roza off before she could finish. “Wait! I have more to say.” “You just told me you're dating Heeseung. What's more shocking than that?” Roza took a deep breath. “I'm dating Heeseung and Sunghoon-” “what-” She put her hand on Sunoo’s mouth.

“I'm dating, Heeseung and Sunghoon and Jay… and Jake…” Sunoo’s jaw dropped and he just stood in silence. “No way!” “yes.. Way?” a smile now on Sunoo’s face. “You're being serious?” “yes..” “Niki was right!” Roza's face froze. “Niki told you?” “yeah… at first i thought he was lying!” “I'm gonna kill him!” Sunoo grabbed Roza’s hands trying to hold her back as she opened the bathroom door.

“What are you doing?” Both Roza and Sunoo turned to see Heeseung staring at them. “What were you doing in the bathroom together?” “She just told me about your guys little arrangement” Sunoo giggled as Heeseung blushed, realizing what he was talking about. “Oh, yeah.. That.” “Niki told everyone before we could!” Roza said. “He did?” “Yes, he even told Sooyoung before I could.” She pouted. “I'll go talk to him.” Heeseung sighed, going to find the maknae.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *✧

a/n : Niki is the maknae 💜 which means he is the Youngest! (iykyk)

[alexanderwales]

Save the Cat!: the short review

I liveblogged this book (anything tagged #save the cat on this blog), but this is the actual review of it.

Save the Cat! by Blake Snyder is a book about screenwriting, and it's very specifically about screenwriting spec scripts in order to get huge sales for movies. Blake Snyder worked mostly with family films, PG affairs, and sold a pretty large number of scripts, most of them by sticking to a formula. He knew a lot of people in the business, and his ethos seems like it was their ethos (though I should probably read a few other books for comparison before making any sweeping generalizations).

Blake Snyder is a hack screenwriter, but he's a hack's hack, and aside from a few completely unwarranted barbs at films which were more commercially successful and societally important than anything he would ever end up doing with his life (he died in 2009), he seems to understand who and what he was. He's writing screenplays to sell those screenplays for the highest possible dollar amount. He calls his screenplays "product". He cares about good story only in the sense that he wants whatever producer or actor is reading the script to think that it's hot shit.

Some of this is probably an act, Snyder playing up some version of himself like a good writer would. He contradicts himself at certain points, and reveals that he doesn't walk the walk quite so cleanly as the rest of the book would have us believe. He's brash, in a way that I found charming.

He's also irritating, because I fundamentally disagree with this approach to making art, and maybe that would be fine if I could just say "eh, we have very different goals" but he also doesn't seem to understand his own system very well, nor does he seem eager to explore it, and he's constantly just saying stuff without regard to whether or not it's true, or makes sense. I get the feeling that the book was written in a bit of a rush, something to work on while beating out scripts, rather than being a labor of careful love. That it took off was either his marketing talents or just that its paint-by-numbers specifics are really appealing. There are pieces that I would have pegged as being written by GPT if the book didn't predate LLMs by a wide margin, especially some examples that make no damned sense and his rambling-but-formulaic way of imparting lessons.

A lot of the examples are also kind of eye-rolling, but I cut him a little slack, because it's hard to write about writing, and giving examples of tricks you use is one of the hardest parts. You kind of need the reader to have read/seen the thing in its entirety, because if you give the brief version, with no investment or background, it just seems lame. Some of this is also Snyder, who worked mostly in 90s PG family movies: those examples are always going to be a bit cringe.

This book is the #1 book in Amazon for screenwriting, and so far as I can tell, has been the top book for screenwriting since it came out twenty years ago. It's a bestseller. As a writer, I think it's kind of crap, both because it pushes formula and because I think that it's not likely to result in very good scripts. I think you can tell a good story using this formula, but once you've mastered the formula and understand how all the pieces are supposed to move together along with the principles of storytelling, you won't need the formula. The book also does a bad job on principles of storytelling, at least in my opinion, dancing around them rather than laying them out in a clear and concise way, and especially in the middle it's poorly structured, which is somewhat ironic given how much Snyder seems to lean on structure.

I have never written a screenplay, much less sold one. Going into 2024, I told myself that this would be the year to give it a go, and I've been writing a comic, which is much closer to screenwriting than prose fiction. Maybe 2025 is going to be my year to actually sit down and hammer out a screenplay, but I can't say that I expect to take too much from this book.

[mtvjedi]

can i complain about gladiator 2. i’m gonna!!!! here is your official spoiler warning!!!!!

i knew frankly nothing of the plot before i went to see it i ONLY saw it because of pedro pascal and paul mescal (and denzel) so in that sense it was a good movie. in all other senses it was…………. well……….. a movie. why was lucius beat for beat maximus from the original movie but written worse. birthright stolen from him, wife murdered by the roman army, forced into being a gladiator due to the whims of powerful men, eventually becomes Thee leader of the gladiators, overthrows the current emperors/government/etc. except we have the added “plot twist” of him being maximus’ son AND marcus aurelius’ grandson. double nepo baby. i say plot twist because it was obvious to probably literally everyone who knows even a tiny bit about the original movie.

it is very obvious that they cut basically everything important from the plot because nothing connects. the ONLY plot line that has any kind of follow through is denzel’s so no shock he was the best part of the movie. side note i knew once they cast him that he wasn’t going to be playing some silly goofy mentor character so him turning out to be more important wasn’t surprising but his true motivations were and, again, the only coherent plot line in the movie. he was a slave, he bought his freedom, he got rich, and he did what he had to do to get his revenge. his and paul mescal’s relationship was the most interesting one because you were a slave but now you’re buying slaves and potentially sending them to their gruesome bloody deaths in the hopes that someday one might be powerful enough to help you overthrow the emperors??? did you KNOW paul mescal was lucius when you found him or was that simply pure dumb luck???? “the dream of rome is dead” ???? great continuation of the first movie because truly like what was supposed to happen post russell crowe killing joaquin phoenix and then immediately dying. who was in charge after that. side note: why were there like. full scenes from gladiator in there as flashbacks.

pedro pascal was like. kind of exactly the character i expected him to be. but again it feels like there’s MORE that they could have done with him. i understand why he had to die and it WAS interesting to pit him against paul mescal in the arena and then have the praetorian guard actually kill him to show how the emperors were losing control of the people, enter denzel, but. idk it felt like there was something missing from his character. i was actually convinced that the guy who put young lucius on the horse and sent him away would turn around and be pedro pascal and that would’ve been like an interesting little i saved your life please show me mercy here’s how i connect to the story besides being your stepdad type thing but here we are i guess.

poor paul mescal, truly. i thought he was as good as he could be with what he was given. his whole character just felt disjointed. like, it makes sense up until he’s revealed to be lucius. captured from his home, forced to watch his wife and eventually his friend/mentor die in front of him as a direct result of the roman empire, forced into slavery, doesn’t want to kill other slaves but eventually has to because he, like denzel, has an axe to grind with rome. but then he actually gets to rome and appears to not remember anything about who he really is, his mom figures it out in 0.2 seconds, and he suddenly remembers everything? had he ever even forgotten it? if he hadn’t forgotten, what was his plan back in his city? did he really love his wife? if he had forgotten, how does he remember everything so quickly? why does he hate his mom if he was 12 when she sent him away, aka old enough to understand what was happening? like, him in the first half and him in the second half are completely different characters and there’s not much of a bridge to connect them. there’s no explanation. honestly i kinda thought the real plot twist was gonna be that he actually was just some random kid and not actually lucius. like he just Becomes this character at the end without any real growth!!! he forgets about his wife and his friend! he has the chance to kill pedro pascal but he just……… doesn’t, for whatever reason. i kinda thought he was gonna die at the end because there had been so many little flashback moments to his wife crossing into the afterlife like russell crowe walking in the field to his wife and kid but i was gonna be really pissed if he died because then it’s just like exactly the same as the first movie where like who’s gonna lead??? you’re gonna be in the exact same spot in 20 years again!!!!!

idk it was just so long but nothing like. happened. it’s like a half baked gladiator remake but there’s so much CONTENT missing. overall, cheesy, the “dream of rome is dead, but we can rebuild it for all of us” or whatever thing was a little heavy handed, 10/10 for denzel washington, fun to watch if you don’t wanna think about the plot, pedro pascal and paul mescal as beautiful as expected.

[seaescapologist]

Absolutely don't mind, I am all for it! I love discussing theories. And I think bouncing ideas back and forth is probably the best way to improve them too!

I actually agree, I am also more inclined to think that Glenna is one of the newer members, both for the reasons you said. The timing when Glenna chose to approach us. She cites the Tournament as a reason why she noticed MC, but if Elliot played part in it (since he keeps track of MC, her working with him might be another reason why she decided to contact MC), while if she was 'The Sixth Associate' if that person is the reason why Elliot watching MC it'd make less sense if she didn't know about MC or only decided to approach them now (like back in Y3 she could use a potential excuse of seeing them around Hogsmeade and noting familiarity in much the same way.

And then of course there is Nyle's line, about meeting new people, which even further supports her interacting with Elliot's NOTME more recently, over being one of the original founders.

Still felt that I should at least entertain that possibility, since I do think that 'Sixth member' is connected to MC, so not considering (potential) relative that we did actually meet in the story at all, would be remiss. One way or another that 'sixth' person whoever they are, have to play a part, because Elliot specifically saying that he had six associates to Daniel in Y3, and then in Y4 Daily Prophet article is saying that 5 members were caught.

That had to be intentional, so either that one member eluded Elliot, so he simply couldn't expose them to the ministry (or they went into hiding before that happened so it didn't help them much, but based on the Kevin's line at the end of Y4 Ministry thought they caught everyone). OR he intentionally spared them specifically (would make sense if they have something he needs that he doesn't want Ministry to get their hands on).

Actually another thing worth considering, why Elliot even decided to get rid of the others: even if their views didn't align completely, on the surface their goals wouldn't be that different or get in the way of each other, aside from potentially competing for new members. But exposing them, runs the risk of them exposing him in turn (unless they didn't know his true identity, while he knew/somehow learned theirs, which is curious in its own way), so surely the reason has to be worth that risk.

And yeah, it's a great point that Glenna completely avoided mentioning NOTME! Especially with the commotion NOTME created in Hogsmeade so recently (which actually involved MC to a degree) that was to the point that even Hagrid heard about it straight away. And she even has a line that since it's a small community everyone knows everyone's business (or something like that), so there is no chance she didn't hear about that.

Just wanted to talk a little bit about the current season (and its ties to the main story). I know it's probably better wait, until it's fully released, but… Spoilers for the first two chapters of the season + Y4

I really like that current season has thematic ties to the main story. I feel like with NOTME being intertwined with the story, it'd only make sense that the subject of squibs in wizarding society should come up. Not to mention Goldings/Merriweather ties to MC (which might be true or not, but at this point I am more inclined to believe them).

So, there were some things in the main story that already pointed to MC likely having magical relative(s), despite (as far as they know) being a muggleborn. First one being our first meeting with Ollivander, where he noted that there is something familiar about MC. Another, what was confirmed in Y4, Elliot is keeping track of MC. And based on what Winifred said at the start of Y3, he's been doing that even BEFORE he approached/started working with Daniel. Since at that point MC didn't really make anything to warrant that kind of attention in the main story, it'd make sense there is something else at play. Originally I thought that 6th former associate of Elliot's (the only former NOTME member aside from him not caught by the Ministry in Y4 as far as we know), was that connection. And I still do think it's very likely (MC not remembering them isn't a problem, considering how Hermione managed to make her family forget her in the books), but admittedly if MC's similarity to Tiburon is true, it does put a dent into one of the main clues in favor of that theory, since that'd at least explain Ollivander's line.

So Glenna and Merriweather's connection to MC. The story makes it pretty clear that Glenna isn't telling us full story. Which doesn't necessary makes what she already said is a lie. The implication that it's very likely that if MC's grandmother was a squib, she was straight up abandoned (and likely obliviated to not even remember having wizarding family), by Tiburon is heavily hinted at after all, based on how Glenna talks about him. Which obviously would explain her awkwardness about possibly contacting MC's grandmother.

But what is also interesting is that Golding house is full of torn up NOTME posters. Not only that, there is even NOTME mask in Marlowe's box of toys. Which doesn't really prove or disprove possible blood-relation to MC. But I do wonder, if that mask is Glenna's or Nyle's. Cause I honestly could buy both possibilities. And I almost feel like Glenna is a more likely suspect there. Especially since it would give another reason why she'd try to connect with MC (and it might be that Nyle's line about him wanting that she'd be "meeting right people" like MC instead was about her associating with NOTME).

Anyway, I've been thinking if Elliot keeping track of MC does have something to do with Merriweather family history. Morven lines suggest that Nyle or even MC's grandmother weren't the first squibs in their lineage. And especially Morven's line about squibs overreaching and always trying to prove themselves (and generally him implying complicated things about family history). I still can't shake the feeling that with the name 'Magic Awakened' there is some kind of artefact or something like that, that could actually do just that in the story (I wonder at what cost, especially with the 'The Tale of the Three Brothers' being in a focus this season), and if MC's squib ancestor played part in creating or uncovering it. And it'd make sense if it's something Elliot would try to get his hands on. The only thing I am not sure about is why Elliot would suspect MC needed to get it. Since one way or another it seems like one of descendants of Merriweather family is already working with NOTME. And also Elliot didn't really try to recruit MC, instead choosing a more indirect approach by working with Daniel. I guess it's possible this item (if it exists) is hidden in Hogwarts. So for obvious reasons neither Nyle nor Glenna would be the best options to get it in that case.

…And once again I am still not completely abandoning idea of that 'Sixth Associate' being connected to MC, after all the story made a point of having only five members of NOTME being caught, in which case that person might have the artefact instead and MC might just be a way to get to them. I think one point in favor of that possibility. Is that Elliot had a falling out with NOTME. But on the surface his goals for the organization seem roughly the same (now, I personally doubt it's genuine, but). So you have to wonder, what caused the split. And I'd say usage of dubious artefact could probably explain it. One way or another that Sixth person seems to be an important factor in the main story, that will come into play sooner or later.

Oh, well. Guess I'll have to wait and see. Hopefully end of this season will provide at least some answers (and further fuel for more theories, that's half the fun).

By the way, another thing that I liked this season is Glenna's love for detective stories (and I agree with her: magic does make it more difficult to write a compelling detective/mystery plot), maybe I am reading too much into it, but almost feel like a nod to creating theories about the story.

Edit. Actually thinking further on it, could Glenna potentially be that 'sixth associate'. Elliot's associates were Hogwarts Alumni (based on what he himself said in Y3), and I sort of assumed that they were in roughly the same age-range (well, likely a bit older than him), but that's not necessary the case after all. Now, posters were Elliot's/'New' NOTME's doing, so not something that past associate would spread, but that's the thing: the ones we see in her house are all torn up (so maybe, not unlike MC in Y4 she was removing them from around the Hogsmeade). And obviously the mask could be just a remnant from working with original NOTME team. ...Though if we interpret Nyle's line about 'right kind of people' as implying NOTME, it sounds like it's more of a recent thing (since it was about meeting 'new people')?

[cannibalisam]

no honestly imagine someone who you were romantically involved with and lived with for a year in a nuclear-family situation saying that you have a "unhealthy, tangled up, crazy thing" with your brother and that they knew "the minute he walked through that door" it was over between the two of you. and then ALSO says "i'm close to my sister. but if she got killed? i wouldn't bring her back from the dead." like i would honestly just bury myself alive if i got read that hard.

[ponchizs]

I’m in love with how they are giving so many subtle hints about Alhaitham and Kaveh’s relationship and how important it is to Alhaitham, despite the way they always seem to be bickering.

Throughout the 3.2 archon quest Alhaitham tells us that the reason why he is so interested in helping Sumeru is because he doesn’t want his daily life to change. After that Kaveh starts being mentioned very frequently by him or we hear other people in the akademiya complain about how they daily argue.

Then, of course, we meet them both arguing with each other in the House of Daena, which was quite the argument. We also know many of their casual interactions and how they go to the café/bar frequently together. Furthermore, Alhaitham pays all of Kaveh’s bills (something no one would do for someone they don't care for).

And now, during Alhaitham’s quest, their tones were so soft (At least in JP and CN) and also domestic. Kaveh seems to worry a lot about Alhaitham and exchanges glances with him, which made me melt inside. I also love how Alhaitham is constantly smiling while bickering with kaveh. Remember, we dont see him smiling like this that often. Which means he really enjoys it. I really liked how after the second time Kaveh asked him if he is okay, he replied with a tease about the painting Kaveh had mentioned before. Also smiling.

But most importantly, something I see no one talking about: the moment when Alhaitham was explaining why he resigned from being the Grand Sage to being the scribe again and he tells us that “It’s important to keep your priorities straight”, the camera points at Kaveh.

I know this game will probably never have any canon ship because they need to make everyone happy, but we do get hints like this from time to time and I think this was one of them.

After all, why would they bother to add all of those scenes with Kaveh when the quests had already concluded, if not for showing us how is what is Alhaitham’s daily life he wants to protect that much? We saw how happy he is, how eager he was to get home and go have dinner with Kaveh. We also see how Kaveh had been waiting for him as well.

I’d like to know more about their relationship, even if it ends up not being romantic (though how do you explain that face Kaveh made when paimon asked if they are friends).

[el-cabroncito]

Tik Tok decided to make me feel things today Pt1