#probably at a better place than i have been since the beginning of December since today I nearly blew through 1K without even trying

[sabraeal]

1000 Followers Update!

Due to some super fun chronic health shenanigans, the posting for the 1000 Followers Celebration is being postponed a month! Posting will start on 2/2 with to all the ghost still standing in this room, and continue as previously planned from there. Thank you guys for bearing with me-- I struggled with the idea of even postponing for a week, but it became very clear on Monday that I would not be able to catch up with the schedule unless I took an extended break to recover. Can't wait to show you guys what I've got up my sleeve!

[bellaswan-kinnie]

jack antonoff being messy pt. 3,546

forever icon jack antonoff has given us some earth-shaking information to commemorate the release of you're losing me on streaming and once again my understanding of the midnights album has been upended. she's truly the album that keeps on giving!!

(everything i'm about to say is speculative i realize i don't actually know this woman i just treat her music like a scholarly text)

when midnights first came out i went along with her sneaky deception that the songs were just reflections on sleepless nights from her past for the sake of a cool concept album, not really considering why she'd be fixating on past relationships and events. then when the news broke in april that it was joever, the album made so much more sense to me. i believed that taylor was reminiscing on these nights to understand why her current relationship with joe was unraveling, examining her psyche both independently of and in the context of dating. the album is her asking herself "who am i and how did i get here?"

after the revelation that you're losing me was written and recorded on december 5th, 2021, almost a year before midnights was released and a year and a half before the breakup was reported, i still think my second assessment is likely accurate, but it muddies the waters when it comes to when exactly they broke up.

i kind of always suspected that april was not the real end date of their relationship, since the announcement was largely spurred on by joe's noticeable absence from the vip tent at all of the eras tour shows. originally i assumed they had broken up just before the tour started, but now i think it was mid-late 2022, around the time midnights was finalized and then released.

(remember it took 5 months for the public to find out about their relationship in the first place. my girl can hide things when she wants to!!)

the fact that taylor didn't release you're losing me until after her breakup with joe was public tells me that she wasn't ready to admit that her and joe weren't going to make it at the time of the album's completion. she also probably didn't want to share the details publicly, since the breakup was much fresher in relation to the album's release than it typically has been in the past (also more drawn out and difficult).

labyrinth now sounds to me like it was written during a breather from the turmoil, "i thought the plane was going down, how'd you turn it right around." the lyric "oh no, i'm falling in love again" could imply a rekindling of the honeymoon phase in their relationship, a new "lavender haze" she wanted to cling onto against her better judgement. she knew there were major problems, but she had put so much time and effort into their life together that she kept trying to make it work anyway. "do i throw out everything we built or keep it?" also the consistent use of "you" in the song instead of a "him" vs. "you" situation tells me that it's about one man, not her falling in love with a new guy after a breakup.

i used to think maroon was a reflection on the relationship with jake gyllenhaal since maroon is a darker shade of red, but now i'm fully on board with it being about joe. first of all she calls the man poor again, and i can't imagine jake gyllenhaal having a roommate at that age and point in his career. the lyrics also imply a bit of infidelity on her part, "the mark they saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones," which i've theorized was a major factor in the beginning of their relationship (hiddleswift u will always be iconic).

anti-hero and dear reader show that (at least at some point) she really blamed herself for the failure of this relationship, both songs being filled with self-loathing and self-doubt. mastermind and you're losing me also reference her tendencies for scheming and people-pleasing.

you're losing me is the most explicit illustration of why they eventually broke up, but it's point of view kind of goes back and forth. she switches between past and present tense, still unsure if it's really over yet. i've seen people talk about how it was written a week after taylor visited joe in panama where he was filming a movie along with a bunch of other songs, so that time of separation must have been very eye-opening to her.

there's a lot more re-re-fathoming i'm gonna have to do but i'm understanding more and more why this album is kinda confusing in its storytelling. that woman was going through it!!!

[nightmaretist]

TIMING: Mid-December PARTIES: Zofia @zofiawithaz & Inge @nightmaretist LOCATION: Dance Macabre/the streets around said bar SUMMARY: Inge finds Zofia in the undead nightclub by accident and addresses her — the two string up a conversation and find common ground. CONTENT WARNINGS: None.

Dance Macabre always enveloped her with welcome arms, it seemed. Inge didn’t really wish to go out in any place else in this godforsaken town, as she kept finding herself looking over her shoulder. Here, though, her kind gathered and here, she was certain she could find some kind of sanctuary. Nothing perfect, nothing that didn’t make her wonder if perhaps she should be looking out for that Cortez, that Rhett, that Owen.

She was in a good mood, all things considered. The alcohol helped. As did the relative absence of Christmas decorations in this place. But she was still alert, at least somewhat, and when she passed by a woman introducing herself to another as Zofia she halted, turning on her heel. Inge took her in, this dark-haired beauty and went over all she knew.

A woman scorned, a woman maimed, a woman seemingly maddened — these were all grounds for her hard-to-gain sympathy. But then she had undone Cassius, hadn’t she? And so, her empathy ended before it could even properly begin. She mixed herself into the conversation with little hesitation, not having struggled with taking up space in at least a few decades. “So you’re the elusive Zofia,” she said, extending a hand when she’d like to raise it to smack the other like she’d smacked Cassius. “Ingeborg.” She was sure to squeeze tight and smile sweet. “Heard a lot about you.”

___

Zofia needed a fucking drink. 

She’d finally obtained some clothing that didn’t look as though it had taken a trip to hell and back and was also her own taste. She’d traded in the jeans and t shirt she’d been given by Alistair for some new finery the moment she’d had the means to do so. Donned in sheer black lace cut in a deep v down her chest, maroon pants, and red lipstick, she felt more herself than she had in an eternity. 

Sat at the bar, she kicked one leg over the other as she surveyed the space. No familiar faces. For the best, probably. She wasn’t sure she could deal with complicated reunions and questions of where she’d been. Or worse, running into those she’d already seen since she’d been back. 

She flicked her dark hair over her shoulder, downing the last of her drink. She felt a tap on her shoulder and a face she didn’t recognize asked if she was someone named ‘Jessica’. Did she look like a Jessica? “No. I’m Zofia. Sorry.” The stranger went on their way, and Zofia went back to her drink. 

Her name carried over the music from a voice she hadn’t heard before, and Zofia felt as though she’d been doused in ice water. She went still as a statue, fighting every urge to hastily dispatch whoever it was and get the fuck out of there. But that would cause a scene, and scenes were bad for people trying not to be hunted again. That and something about promising to try and better herself and then lashing out sat wrong with her. A fake smile gritted across her face, appearing more like the bared teeth of a wild animal. 

She turned, taking in the other woman, trying to assess if she was a threat or not. “I’m at a disadvantage, Ingeborg.” She took the woman’s hand, giving it a shake. “You seem to know me, but I don’t know you.” Her eyes narrowed. “So who sent you?”

_____

Was she a bad friend, for being intrigued by this elusive creature? Sofie, the person she’d only ever known as Cassius’ disappeared lover as he’d never introduced them. Zofia, the person who had left him crumbled upon her return. Were there other versions of her out there, just like she carried her past versions with her? Nika Beinhacker, Ingeborg Beenhakker-de Jong, Ivonne Coëme and now Inge Endeman, all different editions of the same person. Who was this Zofia and perhaps more pressingly, why was she?

And she did resent her, this vampire who had hurt someone she cared for. But another part was intrigued, the way she often was. In a way that went against better judgment, in a way that made her cross whatever boundaries she may have set for herself. Inge had never been a person of very strong principles. She followed her heart, and if not, she followed her desire for whimsy, inspiration and distraction. She wasn’t sure win what category the vampire fell, yet.

The other didn’t seem quite as charmed by her, as it turned out, and Inge was intrigued by this. She was quick to take the seat next to the vampire, settling easily as she crossed her legs and considered her drink options. That could come later, though.

“Oh, no, no. No one send me. I am not someone who is sent.” She gave a knowing smile, which hardly revealed anything. Perhaps she should try harder at not seeming like a hunter type, but the notion of her being anything like a hunter was so offensive to her that she hardly considered it. She turned her attention to the barkeep, ordering another round of, “Whatever she’s having, for the both of us.” 

Then, back to Zofia. Sophie. Sofieke. Whoever. “We have a mutual …” Inge thought for a moment, then shrugged, deciding against a label, “Cassius. I heard you went through quite an ordeal, but …” Tsk, her lips clicked together. “Have been causing a stir yourself. That’s all. I figured we should meet and hey, here you are.”

————-

She was pretty. About the same height as her, with big brown eyes and auburn hair. Zofia’s eyes flickered from feature to feature, looking for any clues as to what she was, and what she was up to. She had come to Dance Macabre, so there was a good chance the woman no longer had a pulse. Or she was a hunter who was running the risk of being caught for the sake of staking out a target. Literally. 

The stranger ordered another round, and a few moments later two dry vodka martinis with lemon twists floating on top were set before them. Good. The drink would make whatever this was about to be more tolerable. 

At the sound of an all too familiar name, Zofia took a lengthy sip of her drink. “I imagine whatever you heard of my ordeal is lacking in details.” Another lengthy sip as she started thinking of an exit strategy. There had to be other places to drink in this town where she wasn’t likely to get a stake in her chest. Or that didn’t have friends of Cassius lurking to confront her for her actions at their little reunion. 

Perhaps, on second thought, being staked would be preferable.

“So you are a friend of his?” She asked. It wouldn’t surprise her. Cassius, after all, was a good person. A kind person. A person who frequented all the same spots as her- how the hell was she going to find new places to go when only a handful of places were designed for undead clientele?!

__________

She gave a hum of approval at the drinks that appeared, taking her glass and taking a small sip. The vampire had good taste, that at least could be said. Inge could appreciate that. As for who she was and what she’d gone through and done subsequently — well, she hadn’t quite made up her mind. For all the love she had for Cassius, she did sometimes think his judgment to be rather poorly. (Which in Zofia’s case could be a blessing or a curse.)

Not that Zofia’s judgment seemed all that sound. Leaving bodies around for a past lover was admirable on a dramatic level, but otherwise a rather outrageous action. “Well, they do say every story has many sides. I’ve heard his.” Inge shrugged. “I am not opposed to hearing yours.”

And that was true. She had been in a position like this before, hadn’t she? Escaped from hunters, her mind frazzled and not quite her own. Looking over her shoulder. She was a solitary creature, one of little loyalties, but she did feel a kinship with her fellow undead — most especially when they had fallen into the claws of some cruel slayers. “What I do know is that hunters can do a number on you. Irregardless of whatever else.”

Inge nodded, circling the rim of her glass. “Yes. But like I said, he didn’t send me. It’s — well, pure coincidence.” She smiled, as if it was a lucky and happy accident. She considered rubbing in the other’s face that Cassius was properly heartbroken, but swallowed the words. 

———

The music changed in the club to something with a consistent pulsing beat. It made Zofia’s skin crawl. She lifted the glass in a half-salute before downing another sip, trying to chase the thoughts away. 

Her eyebrow raised over the lip of her martini glass as the other woman offered to listen to her story. “Are you asking out of morbid curiosity?” The music thumped on. Her eyes closed, her face screwing up in concentration as she tried to shove away the matching plink plink plink of leaky pipes in her mind. The tempo changed and the thoughts subsided. 

A sad smile settled on her face. So that was it. She sat back in her seat, her hackles no longer completely raised. “They certainly can.” She sighed. “Tell me, how old are you?” Zofia cocked her head to the side. How much had she experienced? How much running, how much fear? How much living had she done?

She hummed, unamused. It figured that the universe would have a warped sense of humor. Depositing friends of his directly into her path. “It’s a small world, after all.” Zofia glanced around the space, trying to determine who else might be a friend of Cassius’s, intent on coming over and reminding her of what she’d done just by announcing his name. “Care to take this conversation outside? It’s quieter.” And less of a chance of being overheard. And there were more routes for a quick escape.

———

Many things Inge did were out of morbid curiosity. She’d watched a zombie maul a man because of it, just as she’d entered Parker’s workshop because something within her needed to be satiated. But this wasn’t really one of these cases — whatever Zofia had done and gone through wasn’t bound to stir her to her core like a hunter’s place for torture, after all.

Maybe it was simple solidarity. She did think that important among her fellow undead and besides, she could not help but draw a parallel between what she’d heard about Zofia and what she herself had gone through. “No. Curiosity, yes. Morbid, no.” 

Some relief seemed to spread through the other which was a welcome sight. Inge didn’t mind people being distrustful of her, but she disliked it a little when it came to people like Zofia. Undead. “Almost eighty,” she said, knowing it could be relatively young by certain standards. “What about you?”

She nodded. “Exactly.” Never mind that Zofia had returned to Wicked’s Rest, rather than flee to another town — which is what Inge would have done, in her shoes. Always running, barely ever returning in case of what if. She considered the other’s proposition. “What do you suggest? An alley, in stead?” That wasn’t particularly safe, either. “A quieter place would do, though. We could go for a walk?” 

________

Zofia could respect curiosity. A little. She thought. But what good had sharing the little details of her life done for her in the past? Gotten her friends? Maybe so. But where had those friends been when she’d needed them? She took another long sip of her drink. 

Almost eighty. The ‘almost’ drew a smile from the vampire. It reminded her of when little children insisted they were almost the age they’d be in eleven months, which meant they were practically a grown up. Of course, almost eighty was long past childhood. Long enough to experience, long enough to grieve, to love, to mourn, to hurt… But still young. It was closer to childhood than Zofia had been in a long, long time. “Three hundred fourteen. Three hundred fifteen in the new year.” 

Taking one last sip of her drink, she set some money down on the bar before sliding off her chair. “A walk sounds good.” Moving was good. Moving meant if she was being followed she would notice sooner rather than later. She slipped her coat on, wrapping herself in the burgundy wool, even if the cold night air wouldn’t really bother her. She extended her arm for the other old woman to link her arm through before heading out the door. “I’m sure you have questions.” She sighed, glancing back at the other woman. “Will you ask them now, or shall I start at the beginning?”

_______

Oh, she was old. Properly old. Inge felt a tinge of inferiority spread through, almost wished she had lied about her age — seventy seven was still just a human age, one that people lived to with some back pain and complaint but generally little issue. But being over three centuries old, now that was an accomplishment.

But she swallowed her insecurity and gave a look that did reveal her being impressed, “Good job on sticking around for so long.” Not everyone managed, did they? She’d known undead like them to lose their minds in their immortality. Though that might be a kinder fate than having your head chopped off. She thought of Sanne, how there had been a small moment of her head falling before she’d turned into dust. 

She threw down some money as well, still wanting to pay for the round she’d ordered on proud principle and wrapped her own body in her leather trenchcoat. She’d gotten it in the nineties. Inge stared at the arm offered to her, bemused and surprised by this move, and took it. If it was a challenge, she’d meet it. If it wasn’t, then she wasn’t sure what it was. Once the night air greeted them, it seemed the conversation was bound to properly start. “I’d rather you tell it however you want. I know speaking of such matters isn’t always the most … easy.” She certainly did not talk of the ways hunters haunted her, still. “Speak, if you’re fine with that. If you’d rather have questions, sure. Start with what happened.”

________

Zofia snorted. “It goes by in a blink.” She’d heard it said so many times over the years, from people with white hair that spilled around faces with lines and wrinkles. People with eyes that spoke of a wealth of human joys and sorrows. She wondered what her eyes spoke of. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know anymore.

Ingeborg linked her arm in Zofia’s, and the vampire led on. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer, she sang over and over in her thoughts. She didn’t know if she had friends any longer. It was safer to keep everyone so very very close. The closest of enemies, so that she could see the cogs tick in their minds, so she could figure out the trap before it snapped shut with her inside. 

She sucked the cold night air in, embracing the chill. “It’s a story that started some time ago.” Zofia said simply. “You would have been a young thing. Maybe in your twenties. I had a family. A family that I chose, and for hundreds of years a family that continued to choose me. And god, did we live.” A wistful smile stole at her features, only to be swept away as the story continued. “Someone plucked them all away from me. Dead. Missing. Who’s to say, really. I never saw them again, and I gave up hope that they’d ever turn up a long time ago.” 

“And then I started to rebuild. Let myself enjoy life again. Enjoy love. And…” She cut herself off, her eyes darting toward an alley at the sound of a crunch. She watched, waiting for the trap to spring to life. A rat skittered out of a dumpster with some papers in its little mouth, squeaking as it scampered away with its prize. She continued walking.

“It was dark there. You’d think I wouldn’t mind the dark, since I can’t enjoy the sun anymore. You’d think it would have been a wonderful little respite. But it’s never been fully dark out here. I’ve always had the stars… the moon…” Zofia looked up at the distant, twinkling lights. A reminder that she had found a way out. “A dark, small room. A bunker, really. In the ground, deep down, below some old cabin in the woods. Probably long since forgotten by everyone in this damned town, except  for the monsters who hunt things like us.”

“They were looking for information.” She continued, not wanting to live in the details for any longer than what was necessary. “They used all the tricks of their trade. All the things they knew could hurt, to try and figure out where the members of my clan, my family, had hidden themselves away. I was the easiest to find. The easiest to catch. The weakest remaining link. And they tried so very hard to break me.” Her voice wobbled. She stopped talking for a few minutes, refusing to cry in front of a stranger, especially one who’s knowledge of Zofia consisted of information gained from a love story that had ended spectacularly badly. “They succeeded. Just not in the way they were hoping.” 

She couldn’t always see them. Couldn’t always hear them. But she knew they followed. The ghosts that had visited her. Haunted her. Watched her, unable or unwilling to help. She could see them now. Lurking just at the corner of her vision. Still not helping. Still not quite comforting. Simply watching. Waiting. Zofia fixed her gaze on the woman who’s presence she’d proven to herself was real when she’d taken her arm. “What questions do you have.”

__________

“So they say,” Inge said. And she supposed on one hand life had flown by. How many years had it been since her daughter had died? Since Sanne? Since she had died? It all still felt like something that had happened not much longer than a few weeks ago while simultaneously feeling like a lifetime ago. Decades stretched, decades melted together. Time was an incomprehensible thing, both in dreams and in real life. 

As the other started speaking she moved with her in tandem. She had always envied the vampires and their clans, those houses and families that stayed together forever. She’d had Sanne once, her former nightmare and for a while current dream — but it hadn’t been the same. She was glad for her nature, did not envy those that had to drink blood to survive (boring, compared to the nightmares) but mares were often so solitary. Even if named after animals that moved in packs.

But what good where these micro-societies when hunters could rip them apart? It meant there was more to lose, more to leverage against you. Inge did not envy Zofia any more in that regard. The losses she’d suffered had ruined her enough, she figured.

She let her talk, resisting the urge to interject or let out an expletive, but her expression was one of empathy. Slayers were a cruel kind. Never able to simply kill, it seemed. Taking advantage of the undying bodies of their prey that could be maimed endlessly. She needn’t ask what had happened. She remembered Italy. She remembered Switzerland. She remembered Wicked’s Rest.

The story wrapped with a request for questions, as if Zofia was one of her students presenting a piece of art. Inge looked at her inquisitively. Her eyes were red. She should don her sunglasses. “First off, I am sorry that some people felt entitled to ruining your family. That they thought — that there was some righteousness there, that it was their right to. They’ve taken from me too.” Sanne’s head toppled from her neck and turned into dust before it could hit the ground. She blinked up at the stars. “And I am sorry they did this to you. It is an ugly delusion, that they think they can. That they think —” She shook her head. “It makes them better than us. I’ve always figured it makes them worse.” At least vampires healed fast, she figured. At least there was that blessing. In this area she envied her blood-drinking kin, too. 

“Did they survive you, in the end?” That was most important. “Are they after you, still?” That mattered to her personally, too. More slayers was never a good thing, especially not in this damned town. “And … what is it you’re after?”

__________

Zofia knew what pity felt like. It was cloying and smothering and altogether intolerable. This wasn’t pity. This was understanding. She didn’t cringe away from the red eyes as they studied her.  Whatever Ingeborg had been through in her life, it was enough to compare to the last half century of her own life. Steely eyes shifted to a red that matched Inge’s, and Zofia met the younger woman’s gaze. 

“I’m sorry for whatever cruelties you’ve endured at their hands.” She wasn’t used to this understanding. It wasn’t uncomfortable, thankfully. It was bolstering. It made her feel as though she could reforge the broken bits of her with damascus steel, remake herself into something that would not be torn asunder again. They both could. 

“Only one was there when I got out.” A dark smile drew up the corners of her mouth as a memory of lullabies and the metallic scent of fresh blood drifted through her mind. “I wish I could say he got what he deserved, but I didn’t have time for that. He’s burning in hell, all the same.”

The smile fell as another face drifted through her mind. “The one in charge wasn’t home. He’s still out there. And the other one probably had friends.” Zofia took a moment, mulling over the final question. “Everything they took from me. Security. Family. Peace. And I won’t have any of those things until I see the life fade from their eyes. Is that too much to ask for?”

———

She supposed that was an acceptable way of putting it. Having endured cruelties at their hands. Inge refused the title of victim. It was not one she would don, not for Hendrik, nor Sanne and certainly not a handful of hunters. But she had endured cruelties at all their hands. Endured, being the key word, cruelty being the condemnation of the other party. To have gone through it made them stronger. To have doled it out made the perpetrators worse than them. (Still – she didn’t quite think her ex-husband or creator perpetrators. She preferred not to think of them at all.) 

“It’s okay,” she said resolutely. “I will outlive them all, in the end. And so will you.” Those slayers, with their petty lifespans and their even pettier lives … most of them didn’t make it that far in life. “Let every scar we bear remind us of what we’ve managed to survive, hm?” This unlife was to be a celebration.

Zofia had killed one of her tormentors. That was good, Inge thought. A closure of sorts. She wondered if the vampire was vengeful enough to after the rest of them. “Good. Let him burn there forever.” She wondered for a moment how the other murdered. Was it all vampiric fangs and bloodshed? She carried herself with grace now, but perhaps she was more brutal out there. 

She halted, looking at the vampire. “I understand.” Did she? She ran from her tormentors. She ran from town to town, finding no security, no peace, no family. But art — there was always new art. “It is an understandable approach. They deserve nothing less.” Inge wasn’t going to offer her assistance. She barely went after the slayers she encountered. Worse, she’d recently bought one a drink and fucked another. “You deserve nothing less.” 

But. There was a but. She let it dangle in the air for a moment before grabbing it. “But, Cassius. Can you leave him be? I know — well, I don’t, not fully. But whatever transpired, it must ache.” Sanne’s head toppled from her neck. A lost lover could make one quite lost. “I suggest you do if you want those things in this town. Security. Peace.” Inge shrugged. “Perhaps even family.”

———

“That we will.” She certainly planned to outlive hers. It would be easy, since she didn’t plan to rest much until they were incapable of doing harm to her or anyone else again. Though Zofia supposed it would be easier when the scars weren’t still open wounds on her soul. It would be easier when every noise and shadow wasn’t another threat. If that day ever came. 

A dark smile danced across her features for a moment. It was a memory that gave her comfort. One gone. She managed to avenge the lives of those she’d lost and herself, even just a little. 

She paused in their walk, the humor that had momentarily flickered in her eyes all but snuffed out at the reminder of who she was there on behalf of. Even if she hadn’t been sent by him, he’d no doubt hear of this exchange in passing. “That won’t be an issue,” Zofia’s affect was cool and detached. “He has another, now.” Now. As if so much time had passed. The vampire felt herself bristle. Replaceable. Was that what she was? A piece that could be swapped out and exchanged easily with another? 

“Perhaps,” she echoed, the anger that had bubbled up fading at the mention of the one thing she still, somehow wanted. Family. “I’ll rebuild, I’m sure.” 

_______

There was a switch, like all the heat was sucked out of the air. Inge wasn’t surprised. She looked at Zofia calmly, vaguely understanding of the anger of a scorned woman but also, most of all, protective of Cassius. It was a strange balance to try and uphold. To care for him while also understanding her.

Because there was a string of past lovers, faces that had come after Sanne. She had broken some – if not most – of their hearts, but some of them had left her own metaphorical one cracked. There was still, even after all these years and all her experience, something deeply intimate and vulnerable about the exposure of sex, the constant return for it. She was still emotionally driven, more than by lust. She’d haunted a man who’d broken her heart, once. She got it.

But she wouldn’t tolerate it. Not in herself, let alone in Zofia.

“Indeed.” And it was cruel of him, wasn’t it? To have moved on. It was, in a way. But matters of the heart often were. She got that, too. “And I am sorry, for that. It’s no easy thing. But there’s no use in … eyes for eyes, and the like.” 

Inge hesitated for a moment, then linked her arm back with Zofia’s. “You seem like you know what you want. So you shall get it. And there’s plenty interesting people in this town, surely you know that.” Cassius was one of them — but there was a whole world beside him. “If there’s one thing our kind has, it’s time.”

———

“Well there is a use for it,” the vampire sighed, shaking her head. “But not in this case. Not with him. I can spend that currency elsewhere. With people who actually deserve what is coming to them.” Zofia would rather spend her resources securing her safety and exacting her revenge on the hunters that had taken everything from her than wasting it on someone who, at the end of the day, did not deserve it. 

She let out a soft huff. “I’m very old. I have only  so much time before some switch in me flips and whatever humanity I cling to burns out like a lightbulb. If there’s even much of it left, now. This town may be full of interesting people, but I’m not sure time has much left in that particular deck of cards for me.” Still, there was no point in writing it off entirely. She could still enjoy herself, if she could allow anyone close enough to her to enjoy. 

“You have my word. I’ve no intention of hurting your friend. I have better things to occupy my time with, and no interest in spending it hurting myself further.”

———

Inge had killed a slayer before. Humans died so easily compared to the likes of her. Lacerations of her skin hurt, but she would never bleed out, her skin would always regrow — but humans bled. Humans didn’t need their heads cut off or their bodies starved from sustenance for over a week. But when she’d taken a slayer’s life it hadn’t been calculated revenge. It had just been a move of self defense and desperation. She tended to run, after all, as that was the easiest option for her. Flee into the astral and look down on the world and its dangers. Except for that time. That time she’d drawn her gun and loosened all six bullets and disappeared.

Had it felt good? Sure. There had been a satisfaction. But it hadn’t lasted. Not because she felt guilty, but because in that case death wasn’t the end. She was still looking over her shoulders, there were still hunters out there. It had been futile. It was not something to just throw on the table, though, this insight in that fear of hers she was still convinced didn’t exist. “Good. Focus it on them, then.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps. Maybe the issue is that you’re still thinking in terms of humanity when we’re not human any more and haven’t been in some time,” Inge said. “But you can find your people again. That we do need, hm?” Even she had her tethers. Even if she snipped them from time to time, when she ran. 

She nodded, appreciative. “Perfect,” she almost smiled while saying it. Unsaid went the pain she’d already delivered to Cassius, but Inge wasn’t the type to think much of a slap to the face anyway. “Perhaps we can spend some of that time together, hm? I’d like to hear about all the things you’ve seen and done in your years.”

______

A smile flickered at the corner of her mouth. “Perhaps,” the woman drawled. It was a difficult thing to let go of, humanity. She’d been playing pretend for centuries. Drinking blood from glasses as if it were simply another expensive vintage from the DuPont wine cellar. Zofia had known better, had always known better. It might do better to let herself be something more. Something new. Something not quite human, but not quite monster. And perhaps it was time to find more like minded people. 

“ I think,” The flicker of a smile caught on her lips and lingered. “I think I’d like that very much.” 

[absolutebitchgetter]

The problems of CS. Combined in one.

Since the CS ninjas are onto me, i shant give up. You will forever hear the tunes of the rumours of ABG'S unbanning.

Heres all the CS posts i can find:

All of this might share the same topic, and thats a feature of how Comic Studio doesnt - or probably will never - fix its problems. Insane. I know. However, why am i not giving up if we cant fix it?

To save people's sanity.

Im trying to get unbanned so i can prove i am trying to become a better person, and save people's mental health by pointing out thr flaws in:

-moderation

-people

-studios

-controversy

-kids

Its honestly pretty scary how kids are exposed to Jayst- i mean the toxicity of comic studio, and also how the experienced CS users are saying its worse than fucking Twitter.

Where can i begin with the fucking moderation? Where were they when i was getting banned? One is treated like an angel after the fucking outrageous calls he does. How long was i banned? 8 months? Yes. 8 Fucking Months. Above Half a year. One has literally made DOXXING JOKES TO ME and made me fear for my life. One in the cs discord takes someone elses side when i ask for a spoiler for Binding of Isaac (a pretty scary game). One is just fucking horrible at moderation. And one is probably biased after i did a few too many pings in a server. A server i owned btw, no one stopped me. You know who you are. :)

To name a few very shit studios,

-Probably fucking most of them

Probably 10% of the studios get used.

And a lot of them are just fucking shit.

We have a fucking NICK JR studio for like 2 YEAR OLDS.

When is there a fucking Despicable Me comic studio?

To name types of people:

Suspected pedophiles

probably pedophiles

pedophiles

nazis

racists

homophobes

transphobes

xenophobes

sexists

anti semetic

Jokes aside tho there are lot of people i named that are actually one of the things above. There are also lots of fucking toxic people.

To my next point

popular beats all apparently

If your popular, dont fear of being banned! You fucking wont be!

I can name, a shit ton of people that should be banned but wouldnt because they have a shit ton of followers and that would get a lot of people to quit the site.

-Puffyy (Should i say more?)

-Jaystar (☠️)

-Onion_Rabbit (Threw about users like hell, faked harassment, legit got people to witchhunt me (December 2022), was toxic to me before i got banned (unfairly) (July 2023)

-Deathzy (A fucking mpreg and sex comic untagged, did the same as Onion_Rabbit July 2023, has known cases of being cocky as fuck when they get their way)

-SarahKomik (Has threw about users under the bus pretending to victimise themselves over the slightest of out of context things. The current situation with Oka is one.)

-Zappy (The same as above.)

Theres a lot more! Holy fuck

This community has a complete fucking hivemind too.

When popular users say "this person has done something bad (slightly or horrible) target them guys" and when they say "dont harass this person pls" they're praying that the mods dont fucking mob them. Oh wait.

Its like a lot of people have pointed out popular beats all!

Also, this is how people say "fuck the rules" (e.g, Oka and me)

If you have any problems, comment it, You probably shouldnt have but if your a snowflake, combat me.

Oh yeah i also forgot Tammy got knocked about like the school thot at summer time with the football team. They need apologising yall. This is the reason why people quit, my point above. Tammy quitting is one of the worst things to happen to CS.

[kaivyrin-fr]

he's here! please give him a little pat would you

or, project avroaan, in summary:

generation 1

i acquired the first two pairs in april/may of 2020:

in order aidziam and khusavir, and milan and unsophylax.

a/k were retired in about december 2022, and m/u in july 2022. their range was fairly wide; if i were starting this project from the beginning now, i most likely would have established four initial pairs, rather than two- i was waiting for a long time with these guys, just throwing colors all over the place, before i got anything usable. i held onto a good number of their offspring, just in case, but only ended up using two.

generation 1.5

in november-ish 2021 i picked up a new skydancer, intending to replace aidziam.

after their first nest however i realized i'd been a fool- of gen1, aidziam was the only one with opal, which is one of the target genes i didn't want to compromise on, and this skydancer, lotineve, didn't have it. so back to the drawing board i went, and a couple months later i picked up snowsprout.

snowsprout doesn't actually have opal either, or constellation, the other required gene- but their colors are a much tighter range than my other gen1 pairs. i figured i'd keep them around, see if i can get a decent colorset out of them to pair against the offspring of gen1.

also in early 2022 i picked up riovi.

i didn't have anything to do with her for a bit, but her colors are pretty close, so i kept her around.

generation 2

in july 2022 lotineve and snowsprout threw lorus.

lorus didn't actually stick around for very long, but i paired him to riovi for a couple nests for the heck of it, since they were technically capable of throwing the target colors.

in august, l/s threw razelan.

razelan's colors are really good! they wouldn't work against riovi, so i picked through my hoard of held-back offspring from my gen1 pairs for anything that might be useful. the best match was granitelegs, from m/u.

at about the same time i picked up paikea from the auction house (so while he's technically gen1 wrt this project, as he's unrelated to anyone who came before, i'm counting him here since he was paired to a gen2 offspring), and paired him to algernon, a held-back offspring from a/k.

at this point, since i was using offspring from both my gen1 pairs actively, the only use from continuing to breed them would be replacing algernon or granitelegs with better colors, or hoping that i'd find something on the ah that i could pair to them like paikea, and making a second pairing under one of the two lines. but frankly, since i at this time had four breeding pairs with both required genes between them and much better colors (l/s, r/l, g/r, a/p), and my lair space is at a bit of a premium, i chose to retire them.

unsophylax and khusavir have since been exalted. milan and aidziam are still chilling in my hibden and will probably be exalted next time skydancers get an exalt bonus while fire is profit pushing. or our next fight. whichever comes first.

generation 3

october 2022: literally granitelegs and razelan's first offspring is atasna.

he's got two of the three target colors (antique/peridot) and his primary is only one off (pearl)! he's great! i paired him to riovi and retired lorus.

roughly a month later, algernon and paikea throw adaban.

he's got the colors i'm looking for (maize/antique/peridot) and one of the two genes (constellation)! fantastic!

i've made great progress, rng is on my side, now all i need is r/a to throw a female with opal and the right colors, or a/p to do the same and someone else throw a male with constellation, and i will be set.

the reason i want a pairing like this is because the end goal is a hatchling with wind eyes, and i am (notably) not in wind. i don't want to have to rent a nest more than maybe a handful of times, because i am (notably) socially anxious. the solution: make my life 10x harder by trying to get not one but two dragons of the colors and genes i want. ahem.

i figure after this surely i'm close to the end. i'm halfway there! i've got a whole dragon of the right colors!

...i am not close to the end.

i end up in a holding pattern for literally over a year. i continue breeding a/p, even though adaban is already of the right colors, because they are capable of throwing opal so i might as well give them the chance to throw something technically better than him.

a handful of times, r/a throws a female with the right colors, but never with opal. it's miserable.

in march 2024, r/g throw aelia.

this is... fine. he's of the exact right colors, and has constellation, so i replace atasna (his sibling) and breed him to riovi. it doesn't really make much of a difference in the odds, but might as well. every advantage i can get and all.

generation 4

in june 2024, riovi and aelia finally, at long last, throw aithea.

she's perfect- maize/antique/peridot, with constellation and opal.

her breeding cooldown expired on july 3, 2024. i was travelling that day and very busy the next few, so i didn't get a chance to acquire a wind nest for her and adaban until a few days later. to my worry, they only set two eggs- getting the right tert and sex is 1/4, and my luck has been. worse than that.

but! late last night, i received the return crossroads from my host nester (shout out to raybbit!) and there he was!

baby! baby boy!

picked up a cherub prim, slapped it on him, and that was it.

i'm still fiddling with how i want to dress him (and i haven't got a skin- all things considered, i think i might as well sink the last mile and get him a custom), but as it stands, this is roughly what he'll look like when he's done done.

but that's just icing on this cake of tears. four years and more pain than rng had any right to give me over pearlcatchers, it's over.

hurrah.

[numerous-bees-in-a-skin-suit]

OKAY SO

I got really distracted + busy mid to late December with the holidays and family being over, BUT I was finally able to finish Pidge’s design for my VLD DP AU!!

So, I have finally finalized who is gonna be who in the AU, and unfortunately some characters won’t have a direct one to one parallel, but I’m very happy where I’ve put everyone (this was not done alone, and i will tag everyone/give a way to find the people who helped)

So, Pidge is in Corvus’ place in this AU (thank you so much Red* for helping with that, you literally saved my life). She’s still younger than the rest of the paladins, but she’s assigned to be Allura’s bodyguard all the same. I’d like to think that she’s fairly new/still in like “training” to become her bodyguard. I have a bunch of notes for everything to do with her (and everyone else, and the document isn’t even done), but here’s a few fun things for her:

she knows a lot about flora and fauna because since she’s in corvus’ role, it makes sense to me that she would know that

she knows some medicinal things (again, it makes sense for me)

in her free time, she’s often found in the library researching a wide array of things

I have a lot more for her, but I don’t wanna reveal it all yet until I’m done with designs (and maybe learn how to write)

Hunk!!!! Hunk is basically the baker here, but more important. His moms are the ones who are in charge of and run the bakery, but he’s been steadily doing more and more in preparation to take over the bakery from his parents. While yes, he is a baker, he is still very much the way he is in the show. In this, he’s childhood friends with Lance and Allura, and he was with Lance when all of this started in the first place, so that’s why and how he’ll be involved. There’s more on this but again, won’t talk about it more until later. Here’s a few fun things about him:

his weapon for the first part of this is going to be his favorite rolling pin, and while it’s very much NOT a weapon, he wields it very well (thanks @anonaeonn for that, it’s brilliant)

he knows how to forge weapons and such, and often combines different kinds of weapons to get like a better weapon (thanks again aeon, your brain is huge)

he will be more open to elves than a lot of humans are in the beginning show, but he will still not be the most educated and will still be confused about things. (think of all the “galra Keith stuff. Not malicious, just not informed and makes comments like; Hunk: “wow look at that super cool elf punch!! that looks like it hurts a lot” Keith: “it’s just a regular punch”)

So that’s the both of them, and I don’t really have too many additional things that I have to flesh out for characters, so there won’t be any more rambling or notes here, just know that I am super happy with where everyone is in this. I still have a huge list of characters to design stuff for for this au, but I think it’s gonna be super fun. After I do my Shiro (+another’s) design, I’ll probably do a quick sketch of a fake promo for this.

(*Red doesn’t have a Tumblr, but Red does have an Ao3! Red’s Ao3 )

[galacticlamps]

I was tagged by @terryfphanatics​ (thanks! sorry I took forever - I started answering these & didn’t finish and just remembered it was in my drafts)

What book are you currently reading?

The Two Towers! which upsets me bc I’ve been at it since August (technically - I wasn’t ‘at it’ in, uh, October, November, December, January, or February, for lack of time - but I’m back at it now, and I even convinced myself to start over from the beginning so I didn’t forget anything)

What's your favourite movie you saw in a cinema this year?

sorry but the last time I went to a movie theater was probably in 2017, 2018 at the latest, so... yeah I’ve got nothing

What do you usually wear?

jeans, boots, at this point in the winter usually some combination of flannels, sweaters and/or sweatshirts. (I’ve been really cold lately)

How tall are you?

5′6″ ish

What's your star sign?

capricorn

Do you share your birthday with a celebrity or historical event?

I do, yeah

Do you go by your name or a nickname?

mostly nicknames, I have quite a few at this point. I’ve yet to pick one to use on here, I should probably do that soon, I’ve been meaning to for years now

Did you grow up to be what you wanted to be as a child?

I don’t recall ever wanting to be anything in particular as a child, honestly, but I can say that so far I’ve pretty much stuck to the career path that first caught my interest in high school, if that counts

Are you in a relationship? Who is your crush if not?

nope! and it’s been a very long time since I’ve had a serious crush either, which I’m honestly grateful for. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship at this exact point in my life anyway, so I’m just gonna keep vaguely admiring every funny girl who’s kind to me for the time being without actually developing feelings for her. I hope It seems to be going well so far mostly

What's something you're good at versus something you're bad at?

(I’m trying to think of two that relate to each other)

I am very good at drawing objects and not at all good at drawing people! technical plans are something I’ve dealt with extensively both academically & professionally, but in the more general sense I’ve always been an ‘I can’t draw’ person. tbh I should find some of those artists who complain about backgrounds and just do all their architecture etc for them

Dogs or cats?

nothing against dogs but cats for sure, always cats

What's something you'd like to create content for?

not to sound like a jerk, but I work in the arts industry & really hate the place ‘content creation’ has come to occupy in everyone’s vocabulary, even though I totally realize that in a context like this it’s probably just trying to be a vague enough term to be inclusive of the many different things people can create. I like writing the fanfic that I do, so without switching subjects, I would like to get better at drawing people because sometimes I have ideas that would be better expressed as images or even short comics

What's something you're currently obsessed with?

Obsessing over 60s who is my baseline so I don’t think that counts - but it’s been almost a month since I watched Holding Achilles & there have only been hours when I didn’t think of it, not entire days

What's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

Ngl, (& not to be a total downer, but) the last 12 months-ish have been an extremely busy/hectic/unpredictable year for me, with both the good & the bad stuff coming out of left field most of the time. So while there were certainly more than enough disappointments, for the most part, they weren’t the kinds of things you could be excited about beforehand (relatives dying, people fighting, strained relationships, illnesses, work stuff in a perpetual state of flux - or as I’ve taken to calling it: death disease & dubious employment). I suppose there were a lot of events I wanted to make it to that I didn’t, due to the aforementioned junk, and I certainly imagined myself getting to read more books & write more fics than I did, but that doesn’t feel like a good specific answer.

What's a hidden talent of yours?

I suppose that depends who you ask? There are lots of work or work-adjacent skills I could name that would be news to people on here, but those are such prominent parts of my life otherwise that they definitely don’t feel ‘hidden.’ But I guess even among people who expect me to be handy/crafty, more overtly artistic things tend to surprise them - like I’ve had people forget that I was the one who painted something, for instance, because that’s not the kind of skill most associate with me. (and I am very good with color & pigment tbh)

Are you religious?

nah. I’m not like, a committed atheist or anything either, I just grew up catholic & don’t go in for that anymore, nor do I have any desire to go seek out another faith

What's something you wish to have at this moment?

time uh, let’s say a haircut

tagging people kinda seems rude after taking multiple months to come up with so many kind of non-answers oops, but if anyone would like to copy the questions, either as an opportunity to do a little q&a or an excuse to tag/ask your friends, be my guest

[weekly-kazzie]

uhhhhh bit late but happy new year!

ill be putting a summary of my plans for this year in the tags while rambling about some of my issues under the read more so here's a warning for that!

.......

........

ok time for me to ramble about some of my problems yippee--

it's a bit long so only read if you wanna since this bit gets into some personal stuff and problems, and there's a summary in the tags of the important account stuff anyway so yea only read if you want to

...

.......

..........

ok so,

dgs has been something really special to me ever since i first played it, and i like the games more than the mainline ace attorney ones if im being honest. when i got kazzie in 2021 i wasn't really expecting that i would end up deciding to make an account for him at all, but here we are! i know the account started in december of that year, but i feel like i definitely did more in 2022 since i posted more that year, so i kinda see 2022 as the year of the beginning of kazzie.

but something that also happened in 2022 is that i've become really lazy (lazy is a bit of an understatement tbh) and my mind's been practically shutting down w/ ideas on what to do with regards to everything ever, and it's still ongoing so i'm in a bit of a pickle with regards to that. i've also lost a lot of motivation and have been getting absorbed into different content that has been depleting my motivation even more. i guess it's a combination of lowering mental health and interest if that makes sense. it's gotten bad to the point that i tend to just forget or not care about posting for this account sometimes.

with posting, i wanna post different things each day but everything around me is incredibly boring and i don't just wanna keep posting the same stuff each day because of the fact that im running out of things to post about. i also can’t really go out and look for stuff since i'm a minor that needs their parents to take them everywhere, and i don't really have any opportunities for cool pictures or experiences to happen because the place that i live in doesn’t have anything interesting about it at all and i also don’t have the kind of money which lets me go out and explore.

however!!! despite my dying motivation and such, i don't want to just abandon this account cuz it's brought me a lot of happiness and a lot of people have genuinely enjoyed the posts of this account (which to be honest im really surprised that y'all actually like this silly content that much but it makes me really happy to see you guys enjoying kazzie's existence as much as i do), so i'm gonna keep holding on!!!

but anyway, i'm gonna shift to weekly posts starting on the 14th of this month in the hopes that it'll help me get more picture opportunities and more motivation. i'll also change the account's name to weekly-kazzie when this happens. this won't be permanent though as i will eventually go back to daily kazzie posting once im feeling better and get enough motivation and content to post!

thank you to the probably two or three people that read this, and once again im really greatful to everyone who's enjoyed my silly lil content and posts with kazzie!

here's to another year of kazzie posting and vibing!

[bisluthq]

and I Hate It Here as an important feature of the place she is that she hates…then he’s also alluded to as the boring dying relationship that’s slowly killing her type thing on Guilty as Sin? and Fortnight, but from how it looks to me that’s literally it

you know what's ironic about this? I was thinking about all of these things yesterday and went on a bit of a rabbit hole for 2022 stuff. And ig they really must been masking a lot of stuff in public (even though you can't really say to keep up appearances, since unless you cared enough you wouldn't know about any of it), because I really wouldn't say he gave the vibe of being so very much depressed he was apathetic to everything and she wasn't giving the vibe I'm tired of my boyfriend and crazy again for my ex having an affair.

Like in 2021, we know there was a significant amount of time they weren't together and things probably went wrong in Panama. But in 2022, it doesn't seem like Joe was away for long, he worked way less and they were mostly on the same city for all year. I mean, maybe they were just living separate lifes anyway and doesn't mean anything but still it's a bit like the relationship is dead, you're tired of each other, she is out here saying she was caged and stuck with him...it doesn't make much sense. By how Taylor talks about it, it makes it seem like she was stuck at home because of his moods and almost like she had no choice to. And now I'm like girl what exactly was he doing to you to say he was a prison and putting you in a cage and all that. It seems more like you are playing it up to prove the whole basement thing to your fans who came up with that. It also feels very silly cause now everyone is like what did he do? Oh he caged her, he was a prison to her and in the meanwhile you were going out of your house as usual and actively choosing to spend time with him too. If the house thing was true, you were quite literally making a point you wanted to still live with him so????? It feels more like lame justifications to yourself

I was looking through the 2022 archives and with everything said and done I was surprised to see they were out here willingly go on vacations together both at beginning of year and summer and being papped too, they were seen dining out and whatnot in NY, LA and London, they were on his agency's party. And I mean like I said it doesn't seem much different than before, they were just living their life and spending time together as if Taylor wasn't in secret calling him a prison. This time around he didn't miss the release week, KOK wasn't even for prolongued periods of time so he was popping in LA or London as needed and in december when it took longer she made a point to stay with him just like before. She was also willingly mentioning their relationship in Midnights Mayhem on main and there was the supposed important rings he was never seen again after the breakup. It all just feels dystopic to me. A lot of these things the public wouldn't know so calling it appearances doesn't feel right, but I think the overall feeling I get is they were still making an effort for the relationship to keep going. Yet when you listen to Taylor she tells you she was bored, cheating with someone else, she wasn't trying to fix anything anymore and he was so depressed he wasn't responsive anymore. There's just this dissonance in the narrative that I don't understand

I think LTRs are complex dude and Taylor narrativizes her life - same as we all do. I think there were problems for a long time but they tried to make it work and ultimately she found that they just couldn't. And tbh that she didn't want to anymore. I think she found like... it just wasn't worth it. As I've said, I think it's very good they didn't go beyond engagement because all this shit would be a lot worse if they'd done a marriage to try make things better. It may have prolonged things but divorce is much worse than civil breakup.

[equestrianempire]

Gregory Wathelet's Winning Ways Continues in the$ 32, 000 Heavy Metal Equipment Classic CSI 4*

Thermal California, USA – March 17, 2024– Formerly it was not the plan to move Kristalic, owned by Morning Star Sporthorses, into the FEI ranks for the last week of Desert Circuit. However, the horses preferred the sand ring, so Signal 4* action was born out of the way the schedule turned out. And with Gregory Wathelet ( BEL ) aboard, the horse walked away with a second victory of the week in Sunday’s$ 32, 000 Heavy Metal Equipment Classic CSI 4*, proving he’s a top contender for the higher levels.

” It was not the program at the beginning to do the FEI”, Wathelet said of Kristalic‘s plan. We decided it was better to do the 1. 45m on sand than the 1. 40m National on turf when we saw it was on dust. We tried to ɉump on the grass three weeks ago, but it did n’t feel as good. I may state that he has greatly improved. He’s truly comfortable on the top because he’s really careful. Maybe he needs to believe that he can hop this far.

In second in the$ 32, 000 Heavy Metal Equipment Classic CSI 4* was Kaitlin Campbell ( USA ) aboard Conova, owned by Sweet Oak Farm, while Vani Khosla ( USA ) secured third with Incitatus.

While Karrie Rufer is awaiting her first child, Wathelet rode aboard Kristalic and several other Morning Star Sporthorses-owned bolts. With each of Rufȩr’s rides, Wathelet has produced outstanding results.

The 9-year-old Dutch Warmblood stallion ( Arezzo VDL x Baltic VDL ) is a big heart and wants to do well even if sometimes you have to fight for him. ” I rode him last year and I liked him. ” He’s a very good horses. Karrie will enjoy himself when she takes over the reins of him, despite the fact that I do n’t know what he’ll do ultimately.

Some top users think about their chances before they even buy them for their wire, so the plan for making an Paralympic team far in advance.

Gregory Wathelet ( BEL ) &amp, Kristalic during the awards ceremony

” I’m happy now I have two wonderful horses”, he said of his best two, Bond Jamesbond de Hay and Ace Of Hearts, a horse that jumped in Thermal in 2023. I believe we have a good probability of progressing. I have planned a programme since December for my primary horses, Jamesbond. He has already shown himself to be big things, but I still need to do good at the next show and I need to feel confident that he is well-fit to go, otherwise I do n’t want to go to the Olympics just to go. “

The Frȩnch club has been a popular horse for α while, and Wathelet claims that ƫhey are in a bit of a development stage, especially as their present horses get older.

” I think Belgium has been quite good the past seven or eight years”, he expressed. ” We are at a place where some horses are a little bit older, like me, Nevados S, Jerome]Guery ]’s Quel Homme de Hus, and a few others that have retired. We have a fresh set of anįmals. Although it’s not as powerful as it was the month before, I believe we can form a strong team. There are some very solid users in Belgium, bμt perhaps not enough animals for championships. If ȵot this time, animals will start arriving quickly enough to compete at that level.

It’s been a successful season for Wathelet nevertheless, with some horses aƫ the top of the list in the closing week and earning both valuable miles and cαsh prizes.

Last Benefits –$ 32, 000 Heavy Metal Equipment Classic CSI 4* – 1. 45m

1 ) Gregory Wathelet ( BEL ) &amp, Kristalic – 0/ 4 – 47. 35

2 ) Kaitlin Campbell ( USA ) &amp, Conova – 0/ 8 – 51

3 ) Vani Khosla ( USA ) &amp, Incitatus – 0/ 8 – 51. 95

Origin: Press Release from Desert International Horse Park

Photos: © DIHP / TB Photography / High Desert Photo / MG Photography

Related

Categories: CSI 4*, English, Jumper News Belgie

Identified as: CSI 4*, Desert International Horse Park, Desert International Horse Park– Desert Circuit, Dutch Warmblood, Equestrian, Equibel, Gregory Wathelet, Horses, Jumper News, Jumper News Belgie, Kristalic, KWPN, Morning Star Sport Horses, Paarden, Results, Royal Dutch Sport Horse, Showjumping

[domi-scu]

01-03/03 The adventure begins

a.k.a the very unexpected start to our holiday. But we’ll get there. Let’s talk about the travel first.

It was surprisingly uneventful although incredibly long. I’m very happy we made the decision to sleep at Heathrow the night before our flight so we headed out on Wednesday evening right after I finished work. That being said- what a horrible idea to work the same day we’re leaving! More stressful than I like my days.

If you ever stay at Heathrow at the Thistle Hotel (as I think it belongs to them), I highly recommend travelling from Terminal 5 with the driverless Pods. It’s usually not free but the little car thing looks like a tic tac and is probably a lot more fun than it should be. I say usually not free because we got a free ride from them since our room had no hot water.

As we had an early morning and a long travel ahead of us, we ended up only having a quick drink at the hotel bar with the view of the runway (which I get way too excited about) and went to sleep.

Honestly the day of travel is already pretty much a blur. We woke up at 5am and spend good 30h either flying or waiting at airports (Zurich and Bangkok,- about 5h each). We didn’t manage to get much sleep as we were incredibly uncomfortable and Alex is also ill on top of that. So doing all that on almost no sleep is not ideal. By the time we got on our final flight to Chiang Mai I was barely standing but at least Alex got a small nap in Bangkok so it wasn’t too horrible.

We did pop outside the Bangkok airport to have a quick look around and something felt off to me. The air felt a lot more polluted than I remembered but I just figured- big city with millions of people, the air is bound to get a lot worse since the last time I was here was 10 years ago. Not a big deal right? Well it wasn’t a big deal until we were landing in Chiang Mai and it looked very foggy. I still didn’t think much about it because I know that Chiang Mai generally has pretty clean air and lots of green around it so like… Maybe it was raining and this was just fog? A fog bad enough that we couldn’t see the sun

Unfortunately, the driver picking us up from the airport ended up recommending face masks ‘because of the smoke’. Uhhhh what smoke? Well… Basically, what happens is that at some point between December and April, people up North burn all the crap on their fields to prepare them for new crops being sown. What this results in is SMOKE. And a lot of it. Apparently the pollution is about 23x the healthy amount. It’s recommended that people stay indoors, use air purifiers and definitely avoid going to the jungle as the fires are all over the place and pretty dangerous.

The annoying part is that Chiang Mai was the bit of our trip that I looked forward to the most and have been wanting to come here since my parents first visited around 2007. But predicting when the fires happen is not really that easy because we know someone who was here just couple weeks ago and they had no issues. Oh well, I suppose we’ll just have to visit again another time.

So running on 2h of sleep within the last 30+ hours, we had to come up with a new plan. First things first, we really needed a new hotel for tonight to be able to get some sleep and think straight again. 

The one we originally booked was not only giving a bit of a sketch vibe (basically it very much looked like a hotel where English tourists come to party and hook up), but the insulation on the windows was non existent so we may as well be sleeping in an ashtray. Which is a recipe for a good chest infection without even considering that Alex has a pretty bad cold as it is. Also what in the world is this on the bedside table?

Thankfully my mum was on it while we had some dinner. She booked us a place a bit outside of Chiang Mai (where even the air outside was a little better). And although all direct flights down to Krabi (our next stop) were sold out, she found us one with couple hour layover in Bangkok. Two extra flights with stuffy sinuses (and therefore horrible earache on the plane) are not ideal but better than a chest infection! Off to have some well deserved sleep.

[miyu-writings]

New Year's Musings

So, new year. I had actually written the following to post on my A/N of December Drabbles;

And done with this small exercise that made me realize that, no, the goal I had wanted to reach in the gratsu fandom is not happening so yay for giving up on that! There's nothing like shooting down a goal you've been working on for over a decade. This really is the worst fandom

Still, my attachment to Natsu and Gray remains too strong and I'm not giving up on them. But yeah, I really am going to stop trying to read and interact with stories for good now. I stopped caring. Not like there were good fics to read anyway. There never were, this is a fandom that fails by the lack of good fic for its ship. Natsu and Gray deserved better than the author and fandom they got.

It's really a pity. But, hey, on my part there are still many stories I want to tell with gratsu. After giving up on the fandom, I can still work on my fun.

Happy New Year.

///

Now, I didn't want to end/start the year with such negativity and passive-aggression but it is what I feel, actually.

Fairy Tail/gratsu fandom kind of disgusts me currently. It's so... empty and useless. And I do know that it is a thing that has to do with current internet where people don't give a fuck about commenting but other places get comments. I mean, I guess that my writing would be to blame but, seriously?

Yes, it really was more than time to give up on that idea/dream. It won't happen and I just hope the fandom dies for good soon. Then again, I probably need to unknot whatever shit that has blocked me in that honestly awful place. It sucks so much, Natsu and Gray really should have gotten better.

In the wise words of Chuck Tingle, I am the best author and I will do my best to tell my stories with gratsu. And by letting go of that idea and yearning, I hope to plunge back into the stories and the fun of writing. FUCK THE FAIRY TAIL FANDOM - YOU SUCK!! And so do the rude writers from it. Which is overall all there is, rude people.

Still, the brain rot persists. Today I got some new books for my new addiction (The Sandman - I'm dreamling trash) and what I thought was the last FT book I was missing. Turns out I still need to get volume 38. Drats!

Oh well.

I shall get it to complete that collection at long last! And maybe give it another spin to feed the brain rot? It's always nice to get a refresher.

And this year, since I'm using tumblr again (thank you so much chippo843 @ffn, I still need to post those fics xD) I think I'm going to make a post with my planned stories for the year. And pin it!

At the beginning of the year we're always so excited, right?

Well, here's hoping things go better. And that the nightmare that is our society (I can only speak from an European standpoint. We suck and by letting shitty US go ahead with their nefarious plans, things are looking preeeeeetty shitty overall) does get better. There is no necessity for all this greed, destruction and wars. We really are killing ourselves and our habitat...

Forcing some optimism, let's hope things stop being so shitty and that safety, health, wealth and a worthy living reaches everyone. No man is above others. And those who think they are, happen to be the complete opposite - worse than scum.

Uff, I should stick to the fanfic. That said, Sandman has such great fic and I'm living for the kink meme!!

[halfcrackedguru]

Full Moon Tarotscope, December 2022

The full moon is a time of release and the culmination of what was begun during the most recent new moon. This Full "Cold" Moon in Gemini will be focusing particularly on things like work/life balance, creating boundaries for yourself as well as others, and removing some of the unnecessary things from your life that drain your energy. Since this is the last full moon of 2022, this is a great time to review what has and hasn't worked for you over this past year and think about what you'd like to see and do in 2023. The new moon on the 23rd will be a great time to hash out the details and set intentions for the coming year. This forecast covers the time period of December 7th, 2022 through January 5th, 2023. Time is fluid so If you're seeing this at a later date then it will still apply. This is a general reading so take what resonates and leave the rest.

Aries, March 21 - April 19

You've been working hard on developing some financial opportunities that were presented to you earlier in the year. Progress seems to be moving at a snail's pace or halted altogether but this is your confirmation that you are on the right path. It's also a good reminder that good and sustainable things take time. I know you're feeling a little short on patience right now but that is exactly what is needed at this time. Use the energy of this full moon to shine a light on how to make your processes and the use of your time a little more efficient.

Taurus, April 20 - May 20

You've decided this past year to do something in an unconventional way and it's beginning to pay off. If it isn't moving fast enough for you or if someone is making you feel like you're doing it wrong, you may be tempted to change things up again, this time in a way that the people around you or your own memories or beliefs tell you how it "should" be done. Don't do it! You have changed, the world around you has changed. What has worked in the past is not likely to bring the best results at this time.

Gemini, May 21 - June 21

A better life is closer than you know! You are probably feeling quite stuck in your current circumstances but you have more control than you think. Whether it's the voices of the people around you, the voices of the past, or the doubting voices in your head, you are being lied to, or at the very least, mislead. You are, at this moment, held in place by your fears and insecurities and it's time you see them for what they are. It's time to create your exit strategy or path to a goal. Take this time of limited movement to look at your situation from a different point of view and think of what you want instead of what you don't want, and understand that you really can do and be anything if you are committed and do the work.

Cancer, June 22 - July 23

It's time to cut out the toxic relationships in your life. The people you surround yourself with should be supportive and contribute to your happiness, not make things more difficult or make you feel like you are somehow not enough. This applies even, and especially, to family members but it could be a job, friends, or coworkers. It might even speak to a part of yourself that needs to be healed in order to learn to create boundaries for yourself and those in your life.

Leo, July 24 - August 23

You might be trying to fill your days and nights with all the things to keep you busy or distracted in order to avoid some difficult feelings. Whether you're trying to bury your grief or self-medicating your depression, your best move is to take the time to face it and take steps toward healing or treatment. It will only get worse if you keep stuffing it down or pretending it doesn't exist and this time of year really adds to those difficult feelings. Use the energy of this full moon to release all that you have buried and ignored. Let the tears and anger come to the surface and flow freely, give them over to a creative outlet, and/or write down all the things and burn them. Please make sure to reach out to a friend (no, they wont feel burdened) and/or contact a professional to help you move through this.

Virgo, August 24 - September 22

This year you have or are about to close a very large cycle in your life. Things are going to start moving really fast so take this time to cut out as many unnecessary tasks, steps, details,and time-sucks as possible. This will will make the transition a little easier for you. Work/life balance is essential for your well-being so focus now on creating and maintaining that balance before things start to move so quickly. This is a good time to delegate where you can and hand back all the tasks and responsibilities that don't belong to you.

Libra, September 23 - October 22

You are incredibly magnetic right now so make sure you are attracting what you want instead of what you don't want. Remove the word "can't" from your vocabulary because if you think you can't then you definitely won't. There's a whole world of possibility that lies on the other side of your doubt and disbelief. Instead of focusing on what you don't like about your circumstances, focus on whatever it is that you are grateful for. If you do this, and really feel it, then the universe will bring you more of the same and is far more likely to bring you what you've been asking for.

Scorpio, October 23 - November 22

You've been doing an incredible amount of healing over the past year and you're learning to trust yourself and your intuition a lot more. You may have realized that there is almost always good and bad in any situation. Think things through before you cut them out of your life and/or processes. Don't make any big decisions when emotions are high. Sleep on it, make a pros and cons list, and consult a few different people for fresh perspectives, and take your time with any actions you take so you can pay attention to the details. Good and lasting things are coming your way!

Sagittarius, November 23 - December 20

This full moon is bringing a little passion and fire to your life. I do believe that this is a foreshadowing of the year to come. Give your energy and passion an outlet to help keep you grounded and focused. This is quite a magetic energy as well so this is a great time to visualize and/or ritualize whatever you you'd like to manifest at this time.

Capricorn, December 21 - January 20

If you've been considering a change in career, solopreneuship, or additional income stream then this is your confirmation. You might benefit from collaborating with others or studying what others have done. Be careful not to grip your money so tightly, a "lack" mindset will close up the flow of energy here. Give freely and receive in the same way, keep that energy in motion!

Aquarius, January 21 - February 19

It's quite possible that self-defeating thoughts might be keeping you in that feeling of being stuck. Of course patience is needed as well as an ability to create something new from a couple of seemingly unrelated things will be highly beneficial at this time. You may also benefit from learning a little more about what you're working on. Look for the unconventional ways that others have approached this very same thing and see how it might apply nicely for you. This is a period of trial and error that is necessary in order to bring about the best outcome.

Pisces, February 20 - March 20

This particular moon cycle should give you a lovely taste of what's to come. Your generosity is calling in the reciprocal energy which helps to give you a boost that may be much needed on your part. This is also a time to think about what you'd like to learn in order to enhance this path you're on. Overall, you will be feeling quite abundant and are starting to see and feel the fruits of your labor. Enjoy it to it's fullest but be careful not to overindulge.

More on this Full Moon:

The Old Farmer's Almanac Alina Alive - Full Moon December 7th - 5 Things to Know(Youtube) Read the full article

[rev-levitz]

Doing a bit of a tmi journal entry since my current set up doesn’t allow me to do it on paper. So, forewarned.

December has always been a difficult time for me. It is the culmination of at least half of my PTSD-related trauma, fraught with nightmares and dissociative episodes and pain. The last few years specifically, from my breakdown in december of 2017 when I stopped be able to repress my trauma through the years until now have been... difficult, to say the least. The last three years especially so because in addition to being overworked at a lackluster job I was also attending school full time and very desperate to simply get through the month alive. I say that in part exaggerating, though early in my recovery suicidal ideation wasn’t foreign to me it is a seldom occurring thing found only in the depths of my deepest self loathing and cast aside for what it is. Unhelpful at best. A sign that it is time to break away from my inner thoughts and take care of myself, or go to sleep. Or eat. Suicide, is, after all, unconscionable now. I spent too much time exploring the pain of learning to love myself for it to be anything other an a choice that simply can’t be made.

This year was a break from everything I was forcing myself to achieve, now that I have my first college degree. While it isn’t my bachelors, it is more than I ever thought I would get at an age I never thought I would reach in a field I thought myself too stupid for. That I am in anyway a college graduate is a high mark. That being said, a break from school did not mean a break from struggle as I was promoted at work, which largely codified a difficult and overtaxing work schedule that my job has no intention of making better. Many of my work problems would be solved if my boss hired another employee, which he either cannot or will not - I lean toward the later. After all, me and my other coworker have been dutifully, if angrily and painfully, keeping things afloat.

I wasn’t in a position, I think, to marinate and enjoy my newfound freedom in the beginning of the year. I was stuck in cyclical processes around companionship, friendship, and trying to be someone I probably am not in an effort to feel like I was apart of something. Part of me wants to admonish this kind of behavior for my age, “I am 34. I should be over this.” But truthfully I have only had the kind of companionship I want twice in my life, and for better or worse both are no longer tenable. People move on, their places in life change - for the better in my opinion, i am happy for my friends -  but we are in different places and when I was younger I thought “believing I will always be alone” meant learning how to deal with the loneliness of abandonment, and the events and feelings that inform it from childhood. It is not, and I understood that intellectually long before I felt it emotionally. I spent a great deal of time this year learning what I want wouldn’t be given by the people I was seeking it from, which also is no fault of theirs. Different people in different stages of life. But it was, as ever, a source of great stress and pain.

These twin stresses, in addition to a very limp attempt to date again, have left me once more as heavy as I have ever been (a full 370lbs. I had sheared off 50-60 of those pounds in 2017, so this came as a particularly upsetting revelation) and like many other things it isn’t as simple as I once thought it was to lose it, and what losing it means. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have body image issues, which I have previously believed. “I don’t hate my body” lived harmoniously with “people won’t be attracted to me if i’m fat” and a surging fear of seeing myself in mirrors. I used to hate my body. Before therapy I blamed my body, often, for failing me as I struggled with the physical aspects of PTSD all the while feeding it unhealthy things that didn’t make me happy and pushing it to further and further limitations. My body didn’t once break. I have never had a broken bone. Never had an ulcer. My bloodwork is consistently clean except for the looming portent of Diabetes which my body staves off from being full blown despite the emotional eating. My body, as ever, is so much stronger than I have ever given it credit for.

I have been working what amounts to 60-70 hours 6 days a week for the last year, and never once did I truly get sick. The only injury I have is an untreated pain in my thigh that is slowly, I think, mending. Despite my struggle it continues to carry me, as best it can. Even my doctor commented how robust my constitution is the last time I saw him only a month ago. I am also, now, sick. One of the rare times I have pushed myself too far and my body needs rest. It’s a sinus infection, nothing that wont be healed by time and care. So going into december this year, without the guilt and pressure of maintaining a 3.5 - 4.0 GPA, working one job that is admittedly the same as working two full time positions, I am at the heaviest I have ever been. Sick. Exhausted. But out of work for the next week. Chiefly I am going to rest. My nightmares have already started but I have the time to sit with myself, remember where I am. That I am safe. No need to rush to get things done. Just me, and my body that needs the love the figure from my nightmares was not capable of giving me no matter how she tried to convince me otherwise. December is going to be about taking care of myself. Eating well. Exercise. Sleeping as much as I need and not a wink less. I’ll look for a new job in the field I intend to work in. December is about me with me, and healing. It doesn’t have to be about pain and knives and scars. It can be about walks and shwarma and telling the people in my life I appreciate them. About being my own companion, and truly setting myself up to return to school next year. I want to help people, and I want to help me. When the time comes, I hope that by loving myself, loving my body, removing myself from a shit job and being honest and open with myself about my needs I’ll be able to help other people do that too.

I am going to school to become a psychologist, which my therapist emphatically supports. Truthfully, I have always been terrified of the idea. It means a lot of things and I haven’t sat down and tried to unfurl all of those fears, but I will. I want to help people. And if i’m not fit for it, then I know i wont regret the experience of trying.

[paradisobound]

Diary Entry #...

So hi.

Last time I did an update, I mentioned that I was pretty much treating Tumblr like a diary or a journal and so I thought I'd keep up with that theme.

It's crazy how in just a little over a week, it'll be December and I'll have been teaching for officially 3 months now. Time has flown by in such a big way and it's been the best time of my entire life.

It's really weird to think about where I was a year ago compared to now. I was so depressed and I was on the brink of a mental breakdown nearly every day due to my abusive relationship. Now, I'm sitting in a bougie hotel that my school paid for to attend a conference for 4 days and I'm. So. Fucking. Happy.

Even though I work full time, I've actually found that I have a lot more time to do things I enjoy again. If you've not seen, I edited and published a fic for the Heartstopper fandom. It grew, in support and recognition, beyond levels I could even comprehend and it has given me so much joy in writing again.

I'm going to finally begin my own original work and I have a bit of an idea of how I want to do it now after literally years of going back and forth.

I also finally have gotten around to watching shows that I kept putting off. Young Royals being one of them. NOW, I'm gonna say something probably controversial but it's okay lol I liked season 1 a lot more than season 2. Don't come for me because I liked both seasons but season 2 just was not it for me. That being said, we need a season 3 because I'm literally dying at the ending.

I also am super excited for Heartstopper season 2 which is probably obvious. So I'm very open to talking to anyone about Young Royals or Heartstopper. I'm not looking to join the fandoms but I do enjoy seeing the content and everything.

Oh, also, I did try getting Taylor Swift tickets and it did not end well lol. So if anyone also tried to get tickets, I really do feel your pain. And we'll see her eventually!

I feel like I have so much more to say now that I'm actually enjoying life again. It's crazy what a little bit of support will do. I have the best friends ever in my discord and I cannot ask for a better place in life.

If you read to the end, thank you. If not, I get it haha

I'll see you really soon since I'll be on here more

-Alexis

[samprestonbigbadabruce]

Manchester United Mid-Season Thoughts

It’s now entering the World Cup Season (in the middle of an actual season, to accommodate the fact that people could die if they played football during Qatar’s season), which begins 20th November and runs until December 18th, with the next Premier League game on Boxing Day (so a maximum of a week for rest). With that in mind, seemed an appropriate time to look at how United have done so far this season, my thoughts on Ten Haag, and thoughts on where we go from here.

First of all, Erik Ten Haag joining United as their manager, I was one of those who leant more towards him than other choices such as Pochettino, as I felt Ten Haag had a better winning mentality and a United mindset in terms of attacking, youth players, and the ability to reinvent himself. Since the beginning of the season, Ten Haag has seemingly dealt with a ridiculous amount of issues tremendously, whether Ronaldo’s petulance and lack of form, Martial and Varane’s injuries, Maguire’s regression, he probably hasn’t set a foot wrong. Even his decisions such as McTominay playing against Man City instead of Casemiro I can understand as Scott had been playing well at that point, so he rewarded Scott for his form.

I’m excited to see how United progress from here as Ten Haag has been dealing with a relatively weak squad, the depth definitely needs to be addressed as injuries and suspensions inevitably will build-up, but for the moment, I’m quite happy with United’s work so far.

Premier League:

14 out of 36 games played.

8 wins, including big victories over Liverpool and current league leaders Arsenal, a comprehensively controlling 2-0 victory over Tottenham, and a proud last minute winner against Fulham FC when not performing at our best.

2 Draws, one against 3rd placed Newcastle, and a last minute Casemiro equaliser against Chelsea that demonstrated some tremendous team spirit.

4 Losses, two from the first games of the season where Brighton beat us 2-1 and Brentford destroyed us 4-0. To some degrees, both defeats were almost more beneficial than victory would have been as it demonstrated that we still needed strong reinforcement in our team. After Brentford, we went out and bought Casemiro and Anthony. If we’d won, the Glazers (Out) probably wouldn’t have bothered. The other two losses, there was the 6-3 with City where the gap between winning the league and us were just reinforced, so that’s a humbling moment. And finally, we lost 3-1 to Aston Villa when we allowed our standards to drop. All four losses will teach Ten Haag and this team more than any victory.

Currently we are 5th in the League, with 26 points and 0 goal difference (which after the 4-0 and 6-3 is understandable), three points behind Spurs but with a game in hand, and only 11 points behind Arsenal on top. Our games with 12th-placed Crystal Palace and 17th-placed Leeds United were postponed.

Domestic Cups:

FA Cup we won’t join until January, but I am desperate to see us do well in this competition. The last time we got to the Final was in a losing effort to Chelsea five years ago in 2018. The last time we won the Final? Two years ago against Crystal Palace. Since then, we’ve gone through Val Gaal (fired after the Final), Jose Mourinho, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, and Ralf Rangnick. It’s been too long.

EFL Cup, we are currently in the Fourth Round and playing Burnley, but the last remaining big clubs in the Cup are arguably Liverpool, Man City (playing each other), Leicester and Newcastle United. If we defeat Burnley, we have a chance of winning a Cup that we haven’t won since 2017 with our 3-2 victory over Southampton in Mourinho’s first season. While the main intent of the EFL Cup is to blood our youngsters or those who need minutes, such as Martin Dubravka, Garnacho, Pellestri, Diallo, etc, I will always remember the impact that winning the 2006 League Cup had on our squad in terms of breeding a winning mentality in our youngsters. Rooney, Ronaldo, Vidic, Evra, that trophy helped inspire them to second in the League and the following season, Premier League Champions.

Europe:

A frustrating situation where we won five out of six games, but came second having only lost 1-0 to first-placed Real Sociedad by a penalty that was questionable at best. Both 15 points, we beat them 1-0 in the return leg, so tied on head-to-head. ended up being based on goal difference where Sociedad was +8 and ours was +7. With that, we have to play Barcelona FC (who came third in their Champions League group) in a Knockout Round to progress. Considering the cluster that was the De Jong situation this summer, it’s unsurprising that we ended up playing one another. Again, I would love to see us do well in the Europa League., but not at the detriment of our League form. A one-off trophy is nice, but not if that means finishing 6th like we did with Mourinho.

At the beginning of the season, I felt that I wanted to see United get back to the Top 4 and win a trophy. Under Ten Haag, I do feel this is still a possibility, but it depends on the strengthening of our squad in the January period. Who should we bring in? That’s a discussion for another day.