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salemorbit · 4 years ago

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Do-Over

[Pro Hero!Katsuki Bakugou x Pro Hero!Reader]

warnings: angst y'all i'm feeling angsty; ends with fluff hehe; it's a LONG one boys!!

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in which you and bakugou hit a speed bump in your relationship

~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~

You dropped your keys on the table next to your door, slamming it shut with a sigh. You grimaced as you turned awkwardly to strip off your jacket, your shoulder twinging with pain from a minor injury during your recent scuffle.

The apartment was dark, not a soul around to greet you or wait up for you at such an hour. And that was fine, that was how you lived. But deep down inside, at this moment, you felt a pang in your chest that took the shape of a specific blond haired fireball.

Slipping your phone out of your back pocket, you unlocked it and let your thumb glide instinctively to the contact that you talked to the most. You pressed the call button and held the phone to your ear, slipping off your shoes gratefully.

It went to voicemail. Not even his mailbox was set up, just the automated number played in your ear. You let the robotic voice run through its mantra before leaving a message at the tone.

"Hey, it's me. I just got home. I...just wanted to make sure you were okay." You fiddled with your belt. "Call me when you get this."

You clicked end and slid your phone on the counter, leaving it be while you undressed from your work clothes. You cradled your whining shoulder as you slid off your shirt and tossed it aside, mentally making a note to do laundry later.

The past few days at your hero agency had been hard. There were so many hoodlums and villains clogging up your to-do list that you barely had time to call your boyfriend and make sure he was doing all right. It was radio silence from him nearly all week.

But you two had been busy. For some reason, this week was the one time that every baddie wanted to cause chaos. Or at least it felt like it. You slumped down on your dingy couch and stared at the ceiling. Hero work was exhausting, and you didn't even know if it paid off in the long run.

And just a few hours ago you were dealing with a messy explosion of villainy in the middle of your district. It was hard to keep the destruction in check, and you had gotten minorly injured in the process. Your sore shoulder was a scar to boot.

Katsuki had been there, in fact a few of his co-workers had been, too. But he didn't pay you any special attention. You didn't know if that bothered you or not.

Yes, you were both on the job and vowed not to let your relationship get in the way of your hero work as much as possible. On the other hand, you hadn't seen or spoken to Katsuki in a whole week, and the first time you had and he didn't even nod a greeting. What was his issue? It wasn't like you had gotten into an argument or anything.

Shuddering out of thought, you heard your phone buzz once on the counter. You got up and checked it, half expecting it to just be a junk mail message. You were surprised to see that it was a message from Katsuki himself.

I'm home. Goodnight.

You frowned. That was it? You called and left a message, he hadn't spoken to you all week, and all he sent was a three word text?

You didn't know what overcame you, but the frustration inside bubbled up and spilled over in an instant. You turned and activated your quirk out of pure adrenaline, chucking your phone across the room and sending it straight through the apartment wall and soaring into the street below.

That calmed you down quickly. You ran over to your window and threw up the sash, looking down and around for your shattered piece of a phone. But it was gone. You sighed heavily and shut the window, storming into your bedroom and falling into your sheets with a huff.

Now you needed a new phone and, quite possibly, a new boyfriend.

•••

The next day you were off of work, so you took a pain reliever for your shoulder and headed to the nearest phone store to get a new phone. After awkwardly explaining the situation to the clerk, you received a new model and decided to pay a visit to the one man who had gotten you so riled up in the first place.

Katsuki would've been lying if he said he wasn't relieved to see you on the other side of his door that afternoon. He'd had a tiring week, and honestly all he wanted to do was spend time with you and recharge for the most part before doing it all over again.

What he wasn't prepared for, however, was the frown on your face and the angry tapping of your foot as you stood in his doorway.

"You seem unbothered," you said shortly. Katsuki furrowed his eyebrows and let himself get shoved aside as you bustled into his apartment.

"Who pissed in your cornflakes?" Katsuki muttered as he shut the door. You grit your teeth and crossed your arms, obviously unhappy, though Katsuki couldn't figure out why.

"Go look in the mirror and take a guess," you glowered. "What's your issue? Why haven't you returned any of my messages this week?"

"I've been busy, you know that," Katsuki crossed his arms as well, not allowing you to have an intimidation factor in this conversation. "This week was hell."

"It was busy for me, too, but I still made the time."

"What are you going on about, dunceface?"

"Your inability to communicate!" You threw your hands in the air. "I've been trying to check in on you this week, but you haven't responded, if at all. And you didn't call me back last night! Just a text? One? I wanted to make sure you were okay after that fight, and you didn't even humor me."

"So? I'm fine."

"I didn't know that," you stressed. Katsuki let out a breath, still not getting it, and this made you even more angry.

"I don't know where this sudden clinginess is coming from-"

"It's not being clingy!" You erupted. "Are you so dense that you haven't realized how checked-out you've been recently? I've given you multiple opportunities to pick up the slack. I've excused your behaviours, given you space, and respected your silence this entire time. You haven't given me anything to work with. It's called being concerned and trying to keep our relationship going, which you don't seem the least bit interested in doing."

"And what if I'm not?" Katsuki growled, just plain upset you were accusing him of things he wasn't doing, at least in his mind. "What would you do if I didn't want to keep this schtick up, huh?"

"Then I'd be wasting my time standing here," you snapped. "And I'd have wasted the last two years on you."

Katsuki felt something in his chest cry, shattering and splitting through the floor below his feet. He grit his teeth and closed his eyes, trying his best not to set his living room on fire.

You were there. You were right there, somewhere you hadn't been for the last week. And yeah, he'll admit that maybe he's been a bit distant lately, and the sudden influx in hero-work definitely wasn't helping the situation either. But he was trying to deal with things he hadn't quite felt before, one of those things being his feelings for you.

As of recent, something had shifted in his gut. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing, and it wasn't like he was going to consult Kirishima or Kaminari about this. God knows they'd just make fun of him for worrying about your relationship.

Did he feel ashamed? Was it embarrassing him that he felt like this for someone? Katsuki Bakugou didn't get embarrassed, so what was this?

"I think we're done here," you muttered, looking down to hide the tears welling up in your eyes. You slid around Katsuki to reach the door, but you were stopped by Katsuki grabbing your arm gently.

You jerked your arm from his grasp, turning to look at him with your chin held high, keeping your trembling lip from showing itself. Katsuki had something in his eyes that had never been there before, and you hated it. You hated that you couldn't read him anymore.

"I don't know you like I thought I did, Bakugou." He flinched at that one. "This was obviously a mistake. I'll see you around."

And you were out the door and out of his range, leaving Katsuki Bakugou to stand in his living room at a loss for words. Something he hadn't been ever since he first met you.

•••

You took the breakup terribly, to say the least.

Yes, you were technically the one who broke it off, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt to do it. You didn't want to shut things down like that, but Katsuki had left you no choice. He wasn't getting it, and it felt like he was going to continue to not get it. You just couldn't spend your energy like that anymore.

Mina and Momo were there for you from the second you broke down at a bus stop and called them to pick you up. They were there in a split second, not pressuring you for information until you wanted to tell them.

They were more disappointed in Katsuki than mad. They didn't like how he hadn't been communicating things with you about how he felt or why he had been distant. You broke and told them how it had been going on like this for almost a month now, and this last week was just the tipping point. They backed your decision and got you anything you needed for the next few days, until you were able to be on your own and process the emotions you felt.

Katsuki hadn't tried to call you at all. No texts, emails, voicemails. Your phone was a dry desert, except for the concerned text Midoriya sent you after you assumed Mina and Momo had told him about the debacle. He offered to talk to Katsuki about it, but you declined. It was best to just let it be, let it sink in that Katsuki had messed up royally.

Meanwhile, the man in question was quiet for the next few days. His coworkers noticed his lack of remarks, his friends noticed his distant appearances. All Katuski had been doing since you walked out that door was think. He was thinking long and hard about what he wanted, where you fit into his life, and the way he had acted as of recent. This was quite possibly the most Katsuki had ever thought about anything; typically he was so sure on the get-go that he needn't time to stop and reflect.

But this was different. You were different.

It wasn't until the next Saturday after your breakup that Katsuki found himself on the other side of your apartment door, hand poised to knock. He decided he didn't want to do something like this over the phone; it was just too impersonal. So he mustered up the courage to face you again, and prayed you wouldn't throw him out of your four-story high window in the process.

He knocked, waited. No answer. Getting slightly annoyed, he knocked again, louder. Still no answer.

Katuski was now incredibly annoyed, and bent down to take the key from under your doormat and just unlock the damn thing himself. As he lifted the mat, he saw a slip of paper taped to the floor where the key should've been:

Don't try to break in. Calling the police is not below me.

Katsuki huffed, standing up and going to knock on the door again when he was interrupted by the rustling of paper bags. He turned over his shoulder and saw you standing on the opposite end of the hallway, holding some grocery bags in your arms and staring right at the blond standing on your doormat.

There was a tense few moments of silence before you broke it, audibly frustrated.

"Can you get out of the way so I can put these inside?" You frowned. Katsuki blinked, then moved aside to let you fumble your key in the lock dumbly.

"I can-"

"Shut up," was all you said before opening the door and letting it bang against the inside wall. Katuski stood on the threshold, unsure of if he should just walk in or not, before inviting himself in as soon as he figured you wouldn't give him the time of day. He watched from your counter as you passive aggressively slammed things on the counter or into their place in your kitchen.

"Care telling me why you're here?" You asked, flat-toned and not looking at Katsuki in the slightest.

"I wanted to talk."

"About?"

He rolled his eyes. "Us, dimwit."

You stopped and let your head hang, propping yourself on the counter with your hands spread flat. You still didn't look up at him, which was greatly pissing him off.

"We already did. Last week," you said.

"That wasn't a conversation," Katsuki ground out. "That was you coming to me and exploding out of nowhere. I didn't even have the chance to-"

"It wasn't out of nowhere," you interjected.

"Stop interrupting me, damn it, and just let me talk!" Katsuki spat. You looked up at him with a withered look, making his fire simmer down immediately.

"Fine," you said, voice wavering slightly. Katsuki cleared his throat and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" He smiled slightly, bittersweet. You didn't react, so he went on.

"You're an idiot because you've got terrible tunnel vision," he said, glancing at the living room that looked like you had been sleeping in. You had a perfectly tangible bed in the next room, but there were just too many memories in there for you to spend the night in again.

"I can see fine," you grumbled.

"No, you can't," Katsuki looked back at you. "You haven't been able to see how hard I've been trying these last few weeks to figure things out. Figure us out."

"Well how the hell am I supposed to know that if you don't tell me anything?" You asked, trying to keep your voice from rising. The last thing you needed was a fight. You were just too tired.

"That's...something I need to work on," Katsuki muttered, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "And I will admit that. Don't make fun of me for it."

"I never said I would."

"Great, because I gotta whole lotta other things to admit to." His eyes narrowed. "I don't wanna hear shit from you for the next five minutes, got it?"

You sighed, miming zipping your mouth shut as you went back to putting away your groceries. You might as well let him talk, since you knew his stubbornness wouldn't let him leave your kitchen so soon without him getting in his two cents.

"I've been thinking long and hard lately," he began. "On my own. Nothin' from anyone else except my own thoughts. So this is one hundred percent me.

"I screwed up. I did. And it took me a minute to realize it because I was so much in my head about things. I was so focused on trying not to mess us up that I went and did that shit anyway. And all you've been is supportive and caring, and quite honestly I don't know how to handle that since I haven't really been with anyone like that."

He was being honest, you knew from his tone of voice. It was a tone you had heard only a few times before this moment: when he told you he loved you. And you believed it.

Katsuki took in a breath: "So I'm here. And I'm sorry. At first I was mad at you for marchin' into my house the other day and spewing things I knew nothing about, but then I realized that you were spewing those things because you knew nothing about me and where I was at. And that was frustrating for you because you got that whole communication thing you like to do, or whatever."

"Or whatever," you mumbled to yourself, smiling slightly. He picked up on that, his spirits lifting a bit as well.

"I've just been thinking about things and where you are and who I want you to be to me as we live our lives. And I screwed it up by not talking to you about that either. It's a conversation we both should have. So," he sighed, "I'm sorry. And I'll continue to be sorry because you don't deserve to be left in the dark. I love you, and I want to be better."

He finished his little speech and the two of you were quiet. You had paused putting things away about halfway through, really listening to him and what he had to say. He deserved that from you in the least.

You looked up at him and saw that he had already been staring at you, an intent look in his eyes. It was your turn now. He wanted a response to his being vulnerable. You knew it wasn't easy for him to open up like that, despite the last two years of helping him get comfortable, so you didn't torture him with the suspense.

"We'll see," you said. Katsuki did a double take, eyebrows furrowing.

"We'll see?" He repeated. You nodded rounding your counter to stand in front of him.

"If we want to keep doing this for however many more years we keep doing this," the corner of your mouth lifted in a smirk, "then we'll just have to see."

"Great," Katsuki rolled his eyes and sent a seething glare out the window. "I totally lay myself on the train tracks and you just run me over like that. Thanks."

"But," you continued, trying to catch his eye, "I appreciate you coming to me. And I appreciate the apology. However, I won't know if I can accept it until I know you'll actually go through with it."

"Understandable," Katsuki sighed, comprehending this. "I deserve that one."

"Are you ready for a do-over?" You asked, catching his hands in yours. He couldn't help but notice a weight in his chest lift at the presence of your touch after weeks of barely anything. Katsuki still had some work to do, but it was worth it if he could keep you around.

"Always," he kissed you on the forehead and you smiled giddily.

"Awesome because we now have two weekends of cuddle-time to make up for, and my bedroom hasn't been used in a week," you led him to your door.

"Oh no," Katsuki complained sarcastically, "however will we make up for such lost time?"

"Shut up, you big doofus," you grinned. "You know you love me."

"That I do."

~~~~~~~

a teensy tiny bit of OOC bakugou near the end there but like. he'd be a sucker for that and totally willing if it was just the two of you around HAHA

anyways this was cute and i....am forever still in love w bakugou :))))

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realcube · 4 years ago

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LEAVING MIDORIYA

part one (nsfw) | part two

tw// mentions of toxic relationships, drinking & mention of a bombing

honestly, if you were given enough time you probably could’ve figured it out on your own — without the assistance of a psychiatrist — but exactly one appointment later, you were left with the disheartening realisation that you weren’t having ‘bad dreams’ and the marks on your body weren’t inflicted by yourself during slumber. eventually, the fact set in that it was your sweet, gentle fiancée who was the cause of all these things.

this whole time, you were under the impression that you were the problem, that there was a malicious part of you that wanted to paint deku out to be some sort of villain; and now you were finally made aware that a villain is exactly what he is.

it was a hard conclusion to come to but the initial wave of relief you felt was enough to make you act on it quickly, as the more you waited around and let the fact sink in, the more you doubted whether or not to take action. but reasoning isn’t what you need right now, you just need to get away from him.

where will you go? you had no idea, but any where away from him is good enough.

midoriya didn’t even get enough time to try fill your head with even more lies. you came marching into the apartment with the intention of ignoring everything he says and simply pack your stuff so you can leave. no matter how much he screamed, begged or yelled, it was like trying to hold a conversation with a brick wall hence he eventually gave in, leaving you to collect your things in peace as there was clearly no way he was going to get through to you.

you left without another word — not even a goodbye — and you were sure to sneak your engagement ring out with you. although it made you sick to look at, realistically you might need the cash since as soon as you stepped outside your shared apartment with your shit in bags, you were officially homeless.

no need to worry though, you had arranged to stay the night at a friend’s house until tomorrow morning, then you could catch the train to your parent’s. from there, you’d stay with them until you manage to find a new apartment within your price range.

one problem; your friend just texted you saying that they have to retract their offer because their landlord doesn’t allow over two people to sleep in the same dorm, and they already have a roommate. very unfortunate but hey, what can you do? plus, they apologised and offered to pay for your hotel but you reassured them that their money wouldn’t be necessary.

now sitting outside your old apartment complex, scrolling through your phone looking for the nearest hotel. since both you and deku were well-paid pro-heroes and bought a penthouse in a rather affluent area, it was no surprise that most of the hotels that were reasonably close were from 4-5 stars.

although a 5-star hotel room for one night really wasn’t necessary, the post-breakup adrenaline was telling you otherwise. it also told you that treating yourself to a shopping spree, getting wine drunk at a bar and then shuffling back to the hotel with mcdonald’s take-out was a great idea!

those emotional discussions you had with complete strangers must’ve really gotten to you because when you opened your front camera to take some pictures, you immediately grimaced at the sight of your mascara staining your cheeks. you were lazing around in the hotel lobby surrounded by name brand gift bags — waiting for your room key — looking like that? how embarrassing.

quickly wiping away your tears, you put on a pair of designer sunglasses you brought earlier to shield your smudged eye-makeup from the world. not that you cared what anyone in this damn lobby thought of you anyway, you were only going to be here for one night, after that you would never see most of these people again. or at least, that is what you thought.

out of the corner of your eye, you saw flashing lights which prompted you to take out your earbuds but once you did, you instantly regretted it as all you heard was screaming and yelling from the entrance. looking up, you noticed an average-looking guy wearing a skull tank top resembling the fashion sense of a middle schooler, being followed by a mob of screaming fans, paparazzi and gossip channel reporters.

“dynamight! thank you for everything!”

“you deserve to be number one!”

“we are here at scene, pro-hero dynamight has just been seen entering what appears to be his five star accommodation, wearing his signature blac--”

the loud noises were suddenly muffled as the doorman shut the entrance behind him, leaving things just as they were, except now there was a muscular blond man encircled by bodyguards staring daggers at you.

in any other situation, you would’ve just tried your best to ignore him but some of that liquid courage was beginning to get to you, so your reaction was to snarl right back at him, yelling across the hall, “take a picture, why don’t ya? it’ll last longer.”

only upon processing your reply did the man finally snap out of his trance and storm up to, being hastily followed by his guards who looked as though they were ready to throw down at any given moment, so of course you cowered back in your seat, apologies waiting on the tip of your tongue, ready to spill until his face was hovering centimetres away from yours.

your throat ran dry at his unexpected action, your eyes scanning over his chiselled features through the tint of your glasses. in a turn of events, you were now the one speechlessly staring at him. then, a deep chuckle erupted from his throat, causing the shock to show on your expression.

“i knew i recognised you! you’re stupid deku’s girlfriend- fiancée or whatever; i saw the invite for your wedding in my mail and i just got a look at your face before i threw it away. small world.” the blond continued to laugh, talking to you as if you were an old friend of his despite the fact you’ve never seen him before in your life, “anyway, you like a hot fuckin’ mess. where’s deku?”

why was he talking to you so casually? and how dare he say that!

“first of all,” you started, peering over your glasses to gaze at his face without the rose tint but to no avail, you still had no idea who this man is. using the soles of your palm, you pushed him away by the shoulders as he was a bit too close for comfort, but that resulted in all his guard looking at you with murderous glints in their eyes. “deku and i broke up--”

“when?” he cut you off

“let me finish.” you glared at him, fixing your sunglasses, “we broke up this morning. secondly, who the fuck are you?”

the man looked like he was ready to burst out laughing once again until he had a visible realisation, “eh, well, we’ve never met before but i’m sure deku has told you about me. if not, you’ve probably seen me in the news; i saved around a thousa--”

“no, i’ve not watched the news for, like, the past six months.” this time, you cut him off with a mischievous smirk which you tried your best to conceal.

“bitch! let me fuckin’ finish!” he barked, then had a sudden change in demeanour as he let out a sigh, momentarily silent as he scanned the surrounding area, “i’m bakugo. kastuki.”

your reply of a blank stare spoke a thousand words.

“y’know, dynamight.”

who?

“the number two hero!”

nothing.

“the one who saved that whole airline from blowing up just a week ago! c’mon, it was all over the fuckin’ news!”

“you look like a hotter version of my old maths teacher. oh, and i’m (y/n) (l/n).” was the only verbal response he was able to get out of you, even after all his explaining.

“why do you i feel like you are sayin’ that just to piss me off?” he muttered to himself through gritted teeth, followed by a sharp inhale which you assumed was an attempt to calm himself down. his carnelian eyes darted around the room, halting once he raised his arm to view his watch. his brows knitted together as he read the time, forming a concentrated look which was short-lived as his face was quick to relax, emphasised by a slight shrug as if to say ‘i’ve got time’, before slumping down on the couch next to you.

“so why did you and shitty deku break up?”

“i may be a bit tipsy but i’m not just gonna tell that sorta stuff to a complete stranger.” each syllable felt like it had to be forced out one at a time, but you’d rather that than slur you speech as bakugo seemed like the type to poke fun at you for it.

“i just wanna know how badly he fucked up this time.” bakugo smirked, propping his elbow up on the back of the couch to turn and look at you, “eh, i don’t think we’ll be strangers for long.”

there was a certain purr in this voice which sent blood rushing to your cheeks as you never expect someone like him to come on so strong. not that you were complaining, i mean, being in his presence during a time like this felt like a gift from god but you weren’t going to let him know that. it’d only add to his already massive ego so you decided to ignore his suggestive behaviour, opting to show disinterest instead, “hm, you think?”

it was almost comical how fast bakugo’s cocky smirk fell into a frown. honestly, he wasn’t used to people that he flirts with rejecting him, considering that he rarely ever makes moves on anyone. so, now what did he do? due to the foreign nature of this situation, bakugo felt as though he was left with no choice but to bargain, since he’s far from a quitter, “oi, what that supposed to mean?”

you shrug.

bakugo clicked his tongue along with a roll of his eyes before he said, “how ‘bout this; i pay for your room tonight and in exchange we can get to know each other tomorrow.”

“i can pay for my own room though.”

bakugo deadpanned, he honestly thought he had won but apparently not. perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to hit on someone who had just gotten out of a relationship but whatever. “you’re impossible.” he spat, getting up from the couch and marching away, presumably to his room.

he tried to brush off the encounter like it never happened, reassuring himself that he didn’t have to think much of it as he could get with anyone else. plus, you’d probably come crawling back to him, begging to fuck once you get over deku anyway.

and he was half right.

eventually, you came to the realisation that both you and bakugo have one thing in common — a hatred for deku. and as it turns out, hatred provides a good groundwork for friendship.

#deku angst #izuku angst #bakugo x reader #bakugou x you #bakugou x y/n #bakugo x y/n #midoriya angst #👾angst #i'll probably have to make a part 4 for this to make sense

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satendou · 4 years ago

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⟼ if you can’t beat ‘em

⍣ clueless chemistry series | next

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢ pairing: bokuto kotaro/f!reader/kuroo tetsuro

⇢ au: clueless chem!au, college!au, poly!au

⇢ summary: you and kuroo have it bad for each other, even though you’re dating bokuto. ignoring it for the sake of your relationships, it turns out bokuto isn’t as oblivious as you think.

⇥ masterlist

⇢ warnings: established relationship, polyamory, smut, double penetration in one hole, blowjobs, fingering, oral, unprotected sex

⇢ word count: 8k

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢ a/n: idk how good this one actually is so we’ll see

The front door opened as you were putting three frozen pizzas in the oven, a deep, amused voice calling out a greeting to you. Your heart dropped from your chest to your stomach, almost dropping the pizza in your surprise.

“Back again? Just can’t stay away, can you?” Kuroo asked, dropping his bag with a muffled thump* by the door. You could hear the sound of his shoes hitting the floor as well, and then it seemed like he was suddenly behind you. “Bokuto home yet?”

“Hey, Kuroo. No,” you answered, trying to keep the nerves singing in your stomach at bay. Had you known he would be here before Bokuto, you might have opted to stick around for Bo’s practice instead. “He should be home soon though.”

As if to prove your point, both your phones dinged at the same time. Kuroo unlocked his first, reading Bokuto’s message in the group chat saying he would be home in ten.

“How were classes?” you asked as you checked your own texts. Bokuto had sent you a separate text full of heart emojis and an ‘eye love you’, to which you chuckled and typed back. There was a series of texts trying to determine meet up times for a group project in one of your classes, which you ignored for the time being. They would spend the next twelve hours trying to figure it out amongst themselves, so you had time. “The fuckin’ economy professor is killing me this semester.”

Kuroo laughed while you set the timer. His eyes lingered on the way your legs stretched out from underneath Bokuto’s old Fukurodani jersey before he winced.

The last thing he should be doing was eye-fucking his best friend’s girlfriend. He bit his lip and averted his eyes out the window, seriously considering all of his life choices, right down to the choice not to get a drink at the bar the night Bokuto met you.

Ugh, lucky bastard, he snarled in his head, but it was filled with amused aggravation at himself. Jealousy was unbecoming, especially when he was as envious of Bokuto as he was of you. What an awful friend he was. Up until the day Bokuto had met you, Kuroo had kept whatever feelings he’d had for Bokuto in check, refusing to linger or inspect them deeper than as a surface level platonic interest. He was afraid if he looked too closely at them, they would take root and flourish and then he would really be screwed.

But seeing the two of you together had really stuck in his craw and forced those dormant feelings to the forefront. At first, he hadn’t liked you because he was jealous. Yet, the longer he was forced to be in your presence and he saw how unbearably happy you made Bo, the more he just accepted that that was how things were meant to be. When he accepted that, it allowed him to start to get to know you.

And about that was around the time he realized he was actually, really, and truly fucked.

Turning back to you, he found you giving him a soft, pensive look that tugged at the fine strings holding his heart, which he chose to ignore for everyone’s sake. “Yeah, I had him last semester and it only gets worse. He’s gonna give you some insane project about halfway through the semester, so if you need help, let me know. I aced it, after all.”

You had quickly averted your eyes, cheeks flushing a light pink when he caught you staring, but you laughed into your hand. “Thanks, I appreciate that. Not gonna lie, I’m already kinda lost as it is. All the numbers and different...whatever. I need to really study if I’m gonna keep up, ugh.”

The offer to help was on the tip of his tongue when the door opened and Bokuto stumbled in, calling a raucous greeting, causing guilt to flood his system again. There was no reason to feel that way either, he was just going to offer you help, it wasn’t even an underhanded attempt to spend time alone with you, for fuck’s sake. Not that it wouldn’t be a perk but you were dating his best friend. He would reign in his urges for that if for no other reason.

Trying not to read too much into the way you scampered away from him, he watched you smile at Bokuto, who swept you up in a hug. The burning in his chest was a mix of affection and jealousy, and it left a bitter tang on his tongue as he looked away. The sun was mostly gone by that point, and the lights of Tokyo were starting to twinkle.

For a brief moment he considered going out to find somewhere else to be for the night. Watching the two of you simper over each other all night would be enough to make him puke, and yet he found himself parked on the opposite end of the couch from you, watching Fight Club. Just as expected, you were curled up against Bo’s chest while he told the two of you about practice and classes, and the gap between you and Kuroo felt like a canyon.

“Where’s ‘Kaashi?” you asked at last, when the clock struck ten. The pizza was long gone by then and you were settled into Bokuto’s chest, his hand warm on your back through the jersey you wore. It was abnormal for him to be so late getting home, and you narrowed your eyes at Bokuto’s smirk.

He snickered into his hand, grinning knowingly. It was oddly devilish coming from your light-hearted partner. It did strange things to you, sending chills down your spine, and you shifted closer to him. “He’s out on a study-date, but I don’t think he’ll be coming home tonight.”

Kuroo scoffed on your other side before snickering. “Since when are you so observant, Ko?”

“I’m a lot more observant than you might think, Tetsu.”

There was a strange, new edge to Bokuto’s voice when he answered, sending both of your hearts racing when you heard it. It set off something akin to alarm bells, and you and Kuroo looked at each other.

When you had first got together with Bokuto, you had been forthright with him. You liked him a lot, but you were someone who liked having multiple partners. Of course, Bokuto being Bokuto it hadn’t made a difference to him.

“Alright, cool. Not sure I’m interested, but thanks for letting me know. Now how ‘bout we go get some ice cream?”

At the time, you hadn’t believed he truly understood what you meant, but after a few more conversations and hints, he finally got the big picture. And still didn’t seem to care.

As he had said during that first conversation, he showed no interest in dating outside of you, and so it made you feel a bit guilty about going on any dates when he was almost single-mindedly devoted. Then again, it had taken you a decent while to get to the point where you wanted to date other people. Bokuto took up a lot of your time that wasn’t already taken up by classes and work. He was a ball of energy that left you no chance to even consider interest in anyone else.

Maybe that was why you had fallen for Kuroo. Besides Akaashi, he was the friend that you spent the most time with, but you didn’t care to date any of the other people you met.

No, that wasn’t right. You didn’t date them for long, if one date could be called dating. It was fine-- you weren’t looking for anything. Just, sometimes you would agree to coffee or dinner and then ghost or be ghosted after that.

You still couldn’t pinpoint when you had fallen for Kuroo, either. With Bokuto, you had taken an instant liking to him, with his loud vibrance and undying enthusiasm. His more or less blind optimism and kindness towards everyone didn’t hurt either.

Kuroo, on the other hand, had started out a bit...abrasive. You couldn’t tell what were jokes; he was constantly picking and teasing, and it grated on your nerves for a while. A few of your other friends called him a “master of provocation” and it sounded stupid but you could also see what they meant. He was certainly good at getting under your skin.

Which was why it surprised you when you saw him one day and felt the familiar stir of emotions, your eyes starting to linger on him longer and seek him out. His teasing became less annoying and more endearing, your laughter coming more easily in response to it. You would guess it was around that time that his gaze started lingering on you longer than was appropriate, and that you began to catch his eyes.

The longer it went on, the more you realized a lot of things about Kuroo. How he liked his coffee-- black if he had an early morning class, but with a lot creamer if he wasn’t going anywhere-- and that his teasing was interlaced with a lot of good advice and kindness-- you just had to know where to look. He was smart, top of the class in most if not all the science courses, funny, handsome, and kind. And the way Bokuto talked about him, like Kuroo was some kind of saint with a sarcastic streak, really didn’t help.

It really wasn’t much of a surprise when you considered all that. But he was one of Bokuto’s best friends, strictly off limits. You were definitely not about to go and ruin their friendship because you couldn’t control yourself.

You weren’t going to be that selfish.

Neither was Kuroo, even though he never said as much. It wasn’t something either of you had ever even considered bringing up amongst yourselves, beyond weighing the pros and cons of doing so.

Pros: maybe you realized it wasn’t a crush after all and you could settle into a friendship.

Cons: you fucked up big time.

Pretty simple answer.

But no matter how hard you tried to ignore the feelings and treat each other as friends, it wasn’t that simple.

“What do you mean, Ko?” Kuroo asked, quirking his eyebrow at Bokuto. There was a small smile toying at the corners of his lips, but his narrowed eyes belied his concern.

You admired his ability to sound so calm and collected when your heart was racing so fast in your chest you were lightheaded. The accusatory tone in Bokuto’s voice wasn’t even fair when you hadn’t even done anything--

You remained tucked into Bokuto’s side, head craned up to look into your partner’s face, but you couldn’t get a read on him. Usually he was so open, betraying every emotion he was feeling in a given moment, but besides the narrow, calculating look in his eyes, there was nothing.

“Ko?” you murmured, tentatively covering his hand with yours.

“Like you don’t know, Kuroo. I’ve seen the way you look at her,” Bokuto answered, slipping his hand out from under yours. You found yourself hoisted further up into his lap, planted sideways across his thighs, and your heart made its way into your throat. Tears burned your eyes as you looked at Kuroo, pleading with him to save this.

Kuroo looked right back at you, alarm evident in his eyes, before looking back up to Bokuto as he shook his head. “It isn’t like that, Ko. You know it isn’t. And she hasn’t-- we haven’t--”

So focused on Kuroo, you didn’t notice Bokuto’s arm sliding around your waist until it was pulling you back slightly, so that you were putting your weight on it. Bracing yourself on your leg wasn’t an option either because Bo had already hooked his other arm under your knee, pulling until you were splayed out before Kuroo, who had a sudden inkling this wasn’t going to go the way either of you expected.

Still, he kept his arms locked across his chest, legs crossed as he kept his eyes firmly on Bokuto’s unreadable yellow ones. He was actually a little concerned about how Bo was suddenly so good at that-- it made him uneasy, not being able to tell exactly what he was thinking. It had been years since Kuroo had learned all of Bokuto’s tells but he was seeing none whatsoever now.

“I know you haven’t, because I trust the both of you,” Bokuto responded, and finally looked down at you. His arm came out from under your knee so he could cradle your face, giving you the first soft smile you had seen since he had first started...whatever this was. It almost* eased the tightness in your chest, but you were still confused. Then he laughed, boisterous and full and loud and both you and Kuroo jumped a mile high. “Don’t worry, guys. I’m not mad. I mean, have you seen her? I’d be more concerned if you weren’t interested.”

You gaped like a fish and Kuroo’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, only making him laugh harder at the utter confusion all over both of your faces.

Kuroo was the first to recover, blinking wildly, and his concern for you was evident. “You mean you aren’t mad? We’ve never even talked about it let alone acted on it so I think we were both confused but--”

“Bro, Akaashi noticed ages ago how the two of you were acting and asked what was going on. Was super concerned but I told him it was cool and that we were open so I didn’t mind,” Bokuto explained, and his arm around you relaxed as he pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead. He smiled when you cuddled down into him, curling your knees up so that you were tucked close into his chest. “Sorry, baby. I just wanted to have a little fun.”

You couldn’t help the tears that welled up and spilled down your cheeks, and Bokuto was quick to ramp up his apologies, swiping at the tears with his thumbs while Kuroo chuckled from his seat. When you looked up at him, his pretty yellow eyes were swimming with regret, but you weren’t quite ready to forgive him yet.

“The hell, Ko? I was really scared. I thought you were gonna-- gonna leave me or--” You hiccupped, hiding your face in his shirt. Fingers curling into his shirt, you wiped your eyes on his shoulder, feeling his large, warm hands rubbing your back. You weren’t sure what the or was, but it had something to do with cutting you and maybe even Kuroo out of the picture.

You were shaking against him and Bokuto was just starting to think he’d really fucked up when you pulled back and kissed him full on the mouth. He could feel your lips quirk up against his, taste the salt from your tears on his tongue, but then you were playfully smacking his chest while you huffed out a laugh.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he answered, glancing at Kuroo from the corner of his eyes. His friend was examining his perfectly filed nails with feigned disinterest, picking at nonexistent dirt underneath them, and he smirked. “Why didn’t you guys tell me about it, though? Or at least you, _____. You know I don’t mind.”

“Uh-- well--” you stuttered, and looked to Kuroo again. He looked mildly curious, and you realized he didn’t really know about yours and Bokuto’s arrangement either. Probably because Bokuto completely forgot to mention it, if you had to guess. Things like that slipped his mind often when they weren’t pressing. Sometimes even the important things did as well, but you couldn’t blame him. Much softer and a little shy, you continued, “He’s your friend, Ko. I didn’t want to do that. Especially to you and Kuroo.”

The corner of Kuroo’s mouth ticked up, affection for you flooding his system, and the soft look Bokuto gave you only made it worse. He wished he was on the receiving end of anything from either of you, but it wasn’t possible. But he was curious to know what you and Bo were talking about. You didn’t want to do what* that Ko didn’t care about? With him*?

But Bokuto was too busy showering you with affection to notice anything Kuroo was doing, so he contented himself to watch him whisper in your ear and listen to you giggle in return. Why he was still just sitting there was beyond him when he was suffering for it, wanting everything the two of you had. Jealousy flared in his ribs and spread down through his stomach, icy hot tendrils wrapping around his heart until he thought it might burst. He really was such an awful friend.

The couch shifted and you broke from Bokuto to look at Kuroo, who had stood up but was staring with fixed determination at the TV. The look on his face was twisting and turning, changing from anger to resignation to hurt and back again, as if he couldn’t figure out what he wanted to feel.

Scoffing at what was on the screen, he turned towards the hall. It was all well and good that the two of you could make up and move on, but the longer Kuroo sat and thought about it, the angrier he became at Bokuto’s ‘joke’. As if his feelings were just something to amuse him and he wasn’t about to sit here and be made fun of, but he wasn’t about to blow up on the two of you either. It wasn’t your fault he was...feeling like this.

Except it kind of was Bokuto’s but he wouldn’t understand.

“Where you goin’, Tetsu?” Bokuto asked, but his eyes were narrowed in amusement. Over the last few months of watching the two of you, he had learned more about Kuroo’s expressions and tells, things he had missed in the years that they had known each other. The way Kuroo’s eyes would narrow just before he said something he knew would tick someone off, the way his eyes would water just the tiniest bit before he told a joke he thought was hilarious, or how he would suck his lip in and nibble when he was holding his tongue on something-- which was rare-- were just a few.

He had also taken notice of the way he stared at not only you, but Bokuto himself. Now, Bokuto would be the first to admit that he wasn’t the most observant or the smartest, but he knew a wistful look when he saw one and he was the constant target of Kuroo’s. He was probably neck and neck with you, but he couldn’t be sure how much longer he’d been on the receiving end. When he asked Akaashi about it, he had only shrugged, commenting, “Maybe he likes you too. Have you thought of that?”

The answer was no, no he hadn’t. But that had started some weird gears turning in Bokuto’s volleyball addled brain and sooner rather than later he wondered if he hadn’t developed feelings for Kuroo in return. It wasn’t like he was oblivious to how attractive his friend was, but in Bokuto’s mind it didn’t work that way. He liked what he liked and Kuroo had been around for so long that he never thought about how deep his feelings might run. He was just such a constant in his life that it didn’t occur to him there might be more to it, not like when he had met you. His feelings for you were instantly recognizable, but the more he delved into watching Kuroo, the more he realized those same feelings applied.

It was all very confusing to Bokuto, who usually just lived by a run and gun mentality, and tonight he was shooting his shot.

Right now Kuroo was biting his tongue so hard Bokuto was sure it was bleeding inside his mouth, and he laughed again, his answer short and bitten out. “Just going to go to bed. It’s getting too lovey-dovey in here for my tastes.”

Your heart thumped painfully in your chest, knowing that Kuroo was hurting. None of this was fair to him, but what could you do? It wasn’t like it was fair to you either, nor was it fair to Bokuto. You had made your choice-- you loved Bo and that was all there was to it. “Kuroo, I’m sorry.”

Your words caused him to falter, soft and unbearably sweet. It took everything he had to stop himself from turning around because seeing you would just make it that much harder. Sighing, he said quietly, “It isn’t your fault, _____. None of this is anyone’s fault. Except maybe Bokuto’s for bringing you around.”

He snickered at the offended squawk that left his friend who, unbeknownst to him, leaned down and whispered something into your ear.

Your eyes widened in surprise and shock, and you couldn’t find it in you to ask if he meant it, so you just stared up at him without blinking. Was he being serious?

Bo smirked at the look on your face-- it was one he would never get tired of seeing, when he surprised you by telling you something you weren’t expecting and he was very good at it-- and nodded. Helping you to stand, he patted your butt to get you moving when you just stood there for another moment, still staring at him. He was sure you were expecting a trick but if you didn’t get a move on Kuroo was going to leave and make things a lot harder.

Walking as quietly as you could and avoiding that one creaky spot by the corner of the coffee table, you came up behind Kuroo, who was just hovering in the middle of the archway. He jumped when your hand came to rest on his back, but followed your persistent tugging for him to turn around. He was several inches taller than you, which made it a bit awkward, but when he was finally facing you you looped your arms around his neck and stared up at him.

He took in your wide, nervous eyes and the way your shoulders rose and fell far too fast, then looked over your head at Bokuto. He was splayed out and relaxed on the couch watching with a smirk on his face. Kuroo would swear there was lust in those golden eyes, like he was waiting for them to put on a show.

The smirk issued a challenge and posed a question, slowly sliding down to you. Kuroo set his hands on your hips and Bokuto nodded, eyes widening the slightest bit and Kuroo groaned low in his throat. The hell was he thinking? Was he actually offering you? For that matter, were you going along with it?

When he looked down to you, his breath was literally knocked out of him at the open, hopeful look in your eyes. You were so achingly beautiful to him, need and desire shimmering in the depths of that hope. He caved with little resistance, slotting his lips against yours sloppily. You whined, standing on your toes, tangling your fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. It was as soft as you had always imagined, though your fingers did get tangled in the strands. He tasted soft and sweet, his tongue gliding against yours as if savoring every second of the kiss. He was a lot gentler than you expected of him, pulling you flush against his body as his mouth moved against yours.

“Holy shit,” Bokuto whispered, drawing you both from the moment. When Kuroo pulled away to look at him, there was definitely arousal pooling in his eyes, and he shifted in his seat. Catching Kuroo looking at him, a smug grin flitted across his face, then he looked at you.

You were still staring up at Kuroo with half-lidded eyes, lips parted and a need for more written clearly on your face. Before he could give in to your begging, Bokuto called for you.

It took you a moment to register, then you were pulling away to go to Bo, stumbling a little on your way and they were both concerned until he took your hand in his. His pretty face had finally lightened up into something you were used to, open and expressive and needy. His rough hands caressed the outside of your thighs, making you squirm with desire. You needed more.

“What’s wrong, princess?” Bokuto asked, catching Kuroo’s eye behind you. Inclining his head in invitation, he watched Kuroo shake his head in confusion. It made him feel a bit bad-- he had never seen Kuroo like this before, so torn up over something, but he was equally amused. He just loved surprising people. To you, he asked, “You need something?”

You flushed red from the tips of your ears all the way down to your chest, twisting the hem of your shirt in your fingers, and shook your head.

“No? Nothing’s wrong?” Bokuto teased, easing your fingers up from their death grip. He lifted your hand to his lips and kissed the tip of each finger. You were biting your lip and looking to the side, tension resting in your shoulders. When he had told you to go kiss Kuroo, the look on your face and in your eyes had been adorable, the sight of the two of you stirring something he hadn’t expected.

It had never been in his interests to have more than one partner, especially because relationships weren’t high on his list of priorities in the first place. You had come into his life like a bright flash of sunlight through the gap in a curtain, blinding him. There had been no hesitation in his pursuit of you, though it wasn’t much of a chase since you had agreed to a date right off the bat. It had been easy with you, for the most part, because he had never lied to you about how important volleyball was to him. After a few months, it became a rhythm to meet up after practice whenever you could, and you made it a point to be there for his games. Sometimes he felt guilty, that he was neglecting you, but whenever he brought it up you would sit him down and promise him you understood.

He was undoubtedly grateful for your support, no matter how fanatical he got about his passion, and it was one of the reasons he didn’t say anything about it when you brought up dating people besides himself. The way you explained it made sense to him-- but your needs were more complex than his, he had to admit. He felt no burden* from your need for attention, but if you needed more than he could give you, he would let you go.

But you stuck around, and that was more than he could have hoped for given how busy he was. It seemed he might have the solution now, if you and Kuroo wanted it.

“Kotaro, what is all this about?” Kuroo asked, cutting into Bokuto’s pondering. First name use, huh? He was catching on.

Bokuto smiled at him, happy and light and manipulative, causing Kuroo to sigh. If he was right, then he was going to get his number one wish of the last six months. A part of him was almost scared to find out what would come of it, but the other, louder part of him hardened in his slacks.

Bokuto snickered and urged you to turn around, preening when you did so willingly. Your head was still swimming with trepidation, your heart racing with hope and exhilaration. Kuroo seemed to have a better grasp of whatever Bokuto was getting at than you did, but it wasn’t hard to gather how far he was planning to let this go. His hands were warm on your thighs, sliding up, up, up, underneath his jersey that hung two times too large on your body.

Kuroo gulped, you could see his Adam’s apple bob in his slender throat as inch after inch of bare skin was revealed, and he took it all in with a hungry stare. He wasn’t even pretending he wasn’t interested, not now that Bokuto had all but spoken his consent.

You trusted him enough in that, and you had no interest in stopping him either.

There was an audible intake of breath from Kuroo when you took over pulling the shirt over your head. It hit the floor with a whisper of sound, easily obscured by the low groan emanating from Kuroo.

How many times had he pictured you like this, naked and so fucking willing for him, only to be flooded with shame immediately afterwards? Looking down at him as you rode him or up at him as you sucked his cock, lips stretched around him-- in any scenario you were fucked out and drooling, begging him for more.

There was no shame this time as he stared at you while Bokuto peeked over your shoulder wearing a smug expression that would have pissed Kuroo off in another situation. As it was, Kuroo was just itching to run his fingers all over your supple skin, leaving marks that would remind you of him come the morning. When Bokuto’s fingers started to toy with the waistband of the too short shorts you still wore, he took a step forward, but Bokuto stilled and shook his head.

“Ah, ah, not yet, Tetsu,” he said, and began to slide the fabric down. Your panties peeled away and both men could see the wetness on your folds before you began to rub your thighs together, but Bokuto wasn’t having that. “I want you to watch for a bit.”

He yanked you down into his lap, eliciting a panicked squeak, falling into his chest with your legs spread on either side of his. The silky fabric of his shorts did nothing to hide the erection grinding against your ass and you gasped.

Kuroo relaxed, trying to appear nonchalant as he leaned against the wall, but his eyes were sharp and focused on the way Bokuto’s fingers skimmed up your inner thighs all the way to your core, spreading your slick lips. “Since when are you such a tease, Ko?”

Bokuto gave his signature smirk, just one side of his mouth turning up as he rested his chin on your shoulder. “I’ve learned some things, Tetsu. Enjoying the view?” You squirmed with embarrassment in his hold, head turned to the side but it did nothing to hide the red flush on your cheeks. You were leaking all over his shorts as his thumb found your clit, swiping over it and you mewled. His other hand came up to cup one lush tit, tweaking your pretty nipple, and you clenched around nothing.

Kuroo could see the way your hole twitched, spread as it was by Bokuto’s fingers, slick dripping down the curve of your ass. He had to fight to resist the urge to palm himself, just to relieve something, and he swallowed thickly. Yes, yes he damn well was enjoying the view, and when one of Bokuto’s thick fingers slid into you, he moaned with need.

You jerked in his hold, eyes locked on Kuroo, who looked like he was going to collapse at any moment. His eyes were bright with arousal, the tent in his pants obvious though he tried to appear calm. It looked painful, but with Bokuto’s finger curling inside you while his thumb toyed with your clit, you weren’t in any position to help.

“Feel good, princess? Want another one?” Bokuto asked, snickering when you nodded mutely. The slick noises your hole was making filled the room, your head on the verge of falling back onto his shoulder, hips rocking ever so with his thrusts. When another finger was added you moaned, eyes fluttering closed and legs trying to squeeze closed around his. His lips blazed a trail up the side of your neck to underneath your jaw, teeth nipping sharply as he listened to you. “Tetsu, how does she look?”

“Breathtaking.”

The word tumbled out without thought, unable to look away from you. Though his cheeks flushed he absolutely meant it and he watched your head snap up to look at him with wide eyes. He was almost afraid he was dreaming, watching Bokuto pump his fingers in and out of you while you squirmed in his lap. Your eyes were glazed and needy, lips parted in a silent ‘o’ when he curled them up just right, your nails digging into his forearm in a white-knuckle grip.

You whined when Bokuto pulled his fingers out of you, covered in your slick, lifting them to your lips. Bokuto perked up when Kuroo moaned, pinning him with an amused stare while your lips wrapped around them, lapping and sucking the taste of yourself.

“Want him to taste you, pretty girl?” he asked, loud enough that Kuroo could hear just to watch him perk up. There was no hesitation when you nodded, reaching out to him and he went in an instant, falling to his knees before you.

He grabbed you by the knees and pulled you down further, slinging your knees over his shoulder as he dove in. His tongue lapped at your outer lips to tease, your thighs tightening around his head every time he came close to your clit only to miss. When he looked up, your head was back on Bokuto’s shoulder, tits being fondled by your partner as he watched Kuroo eat you.

He groaned, drinking in the taste of you and when one finger teased your entrance, you spasmed, jerking your hips up seeking more.

“Tetsu, please,” you whined, reaching one hand up into Bo’s hair while tangling the fingers of your other in Kuroo’s, urging him forward, and who was he to deny you when you asked oh so nicely?

Wrapping his lips around your neglected clit, he sunk in, moaning at just how fucking wet you were. You parted so easily for him that he dipped a second in and you squeezed his head between your thighs, moaning his name again.

“Fuck,” Bo whispered, voice hoarse as he watched Kuroo eat you out. He let go of your breasts to grip beneath your knees, holding you open and Kuroo glanced up, catching the way Bokuto stared with undisguised desire. “Why did we not do this sooner?”

Pulling back, he let loose a smug grin, his thumb replacing his lips around your clit. “Didn’t take you for a voyeur, Ko,” he said, thrusting his fingers up and grazing the soft spot inside you.

“I wasn’t until just now,” he muttered, holding your trembling legs tighter. Your fingers were tugging at his hair harder, so he knew you were close, your juices leaking all over Kuroo’s hand and filling his ears with slick noises.

You gasped, feeling the coil tighten, ready to break and you let them know, eyes fluttering shut as you rocked your hips into his fingers. “Please, Tetsu, please, I wanna cum--”

“Then cum, pretty girl,” he growled, circling your clit harder. He could feel you fluttering around them, squeezing tight and your lips parted, a moan ripping out of you as heat washed through you, legs fighting against Bokuto’s hold. Kuroo kept it up as you cried out, riding you through it until you relaxed into Bo’s chest, panting. “Fuck, I knew you’d cum so pretty, kitten,” he rasped, pulling his fingers from you.

Before he could lick your essence off of them, Bo grabbed his hand, drawing it slowly towards his mouth. Their eyes locked and you watched as Bo hesitated for a split second before drawing them between his lips, lapping at the pads of his fingers and further.

“Holy shit,” Kuroo whispered, eyes wide at the sight of his best friend swallowing his fingers. The look in his eyes made his cock twitch with want, imagining them wrapped around his thick shaft, lapping and sucking. Unable to handle it, he ripped his fingers away, carding them through his hair as he asked, “Can I-- Can I kiss you, Ko?”

Bokuto hummed, eyes thoughtful as he cupped his chin. Kuroo could tell he was teasing and quirked a brow at this new side to his friend.

“I’ve never kissed a dude before. Never really wanted to either,” Bokuto admitted, though he didn’t look or sound ashamed. In fact, he sounded curious, and Kuroo smirked.

“Not much different than kissing _____, though you might like it more,” he teased, guiding Bo’s head to hover just beneath his lips, caging you between the two of them. He waited, letting him make the decision and with his usual tenacity, he dove right in, sweeping his tongue across the seam of Kuroo’s lips. They parted and he was overwhelmed by the aftertaste of energy drinks and cherry chapstick. He had always imagined kissing Bo would be an experience, especially with how many times he had watched him makeout with you, but it was entirely different now. Kissing Bo felt like he was drowning in him, leaning in for more even though he wasn’t holding anything back.

When they pulled apart, Kuroo was panting, pupils blown wide. He followed after Bo, wanting more, but was stopped by a hand on his cheek.

“I didn’t know you were so needy,” Bokuto said, and it was impossible to ignore the deep timbre giving away how affected he was. “I say we continue this in the bedroom, hm?” He looked down at you, and you nodded, still looking a little fuzzy from watching them kiss. “Good, let’s go.”

Kuroo helped you to your feet, drinking in the sight of you proudly naked, while Bo took your other hand. He pulled off his shirt as soon as your bedroom door was shut behind Kuroo, who almost choked at the sight. Bo was built like a Greek god, all bulky muscle; he couldn’t even think about moving without flexing.

He felt fingers on the hem of his own shirt and looked down to find you tugging at it, and he let you pull it up and over his head, stooping down just so you could. Bokuto had already kicked his shorts off towards the laundry basket, missing by a mile while you undid the button of his pants. His cock throbbed when your fingers grazed over it as you pulled them and his boxers down, falling to your knees while they pooled at his ankles.

A loud moan ripped from him when your hand gripped his base with your soft hand, head thumping back into the door. You started with light touches, nuzzling and kissing his cock like you were worshipping it and, when his eyes finally opened again, he found Bo staring, licking his lips. His hand was around his own cock, pumping slowly as he watched you take Kuroo into your mouth at last, and then he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore.

His fingers tangled in your hair, just holding it back as you bobbed up and down his length, tongue tracing the vein and swirling around the head, not really giving him enough to cum but damn if it didn’t feel good. When he looked down at you again finally, he found you staring up at him, eyes bright and teary, and then Bo’s hands were on your cheeks, pulling you off of him.

“‘M startin’ to feel a little jealous, babe,” he whined, though Kuroo could detect no hint of it in his voice. If anything, he sounded antsy as he pulled you to your feet and kissed you, delving his tongue between your lips. Backing you into Kuroo, he hooked his arms underneath your knees and Kuroo took the hint, helping him lift you up so that your legs were spread wide, Bo’s length sliding against your wet slit. You weighed nothing to him and he often liked to use his strength to trap you, bouncing you on his cock at his whim. This time was no different, your whines music to their ears as he prodded at your slick hole.

“There’s something I’ve always wanted to try,” he grunted as he filled you, splitting you around his thick head. You were so tight, sucking him in and mewling in his ear for more, tugging at his hair as he seated himself fully inside of you. Kuroo watched the whole thing with a slack jaw, touching his cock just to ease the ache of watching you beg for Bokuto’s cock. “Think you could take both of us, baby?”

The noise of agreement you made went straight to Kuroo’s cock, his hand suddenly not enough for him. When you turned to look at him, yanked your head back by the hair and slammed his lips against yours. Breathless, he asked, “Are you sure? You don’t have to, we can wait--”

You cut him with a whiny plea against his lips. “Yes, yes, Tetsu, I want you both to fuck me.”

Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined this outcome, but as your cunt stretched around him, whining and clawing at Bokuto’s shoulders as you let him in too, it was his new favorite fantasy.

“Fuck,” he groaned when his hips met yours. You were crying, pussy fluttering around them at the fantastic stretch, and he stilled inside to let you get used to the feeling. You were limp between them, your head resting on Kuroo’s shoulder while they held you up. “So tight, princess, shit.”

You knew he had a filthy mouth, but hearing him now while he praised you made you whine, and Bokuto snickered.

“She just loves being told how good she feels, how pretty she is when she’s being fucked. She’ll do anything if you do, won’t you, baby?” he said. His hips began to rock, testing if you were ready, and your mouth opened in a silent cry when the crown of his cock ground past that sweet spot inside you. He couldn’t have missed it if he tried, and when he pushed back in, Kuroo pulled out.

They set up a steady rhythm, pounding into you so you were never empty, sometimes pushing back in at the same time just to hear you cry out. You could only let them use you as they wanted, nails perpetually digging into Bokuto’s broad shoulders and a litany of cries and moans fleeing your lips.

The heat was building up in your stomach and every time Bo’s hips met yours, he ground into your clit, forcing his cock just a little bit further. His fingers had a death grip on your ass, squeezing and kneading the flesh like Kuroo was doing to your tits, plucking and pulling your hard nipples as he whispered how good you felt into your ear.

“Ko, please-- Tetsu, I’m gonna--” you cried, tightening your thighs around Bokuto’s hips but you only spurred them on further, their hips slamming into yours at a faster pace. Your back locked, forcing your tits out and Bokuto’s eyes locked on the way they bounced, licking his lips.

“Come on,” he grunted, using some of his brute strength to make you bounce, your breasts jiggling with each hard thrust. When Kuroo’s hand slid down your ribs and over your stomach, your breathing hitched, the coil wound so tight it was painful. It snapped when his fingers grazed your clit at the same time they buried inside you.

You clapped your hand over your mouth to hold in the scream, hips jerking and twitching in their hold as Kuroo continued to assault your clit. He pulled out of you, leaving his cock achingly hard but it was worth it to see you ravaged by Bokuto’s insane pace when he set your back to the wall, your toes curled as he pounded into your overstimulated pussy. You were crying again, wailing his name until he stilled inside you with a grunt, massive frame curled down over yours as he spilled inside your cunt.

Panting, he pulled back to see Kuroo working his hand up and down his shaft, using your slick as lube with his lip pulled between his teeth as he watched you.

“Think you can take care of him still, baby?” Bokuto asked, setting you on your feet.

You nodded, falling to your knees-- your legs weren’t going to hold you up anyway-- and beckoned Kuroo over to you. He stumbled in his haste to get to you, resting his arms against the wall above your head as you swallowed his cock in one fluid motion.

You were making the most obscene noises as you choked, working him down into your throat as fast as you could without hurting yourself, and Kuroo watched it all with wide, needy eyes. The sight of your nose burying in his curls was what did it, and he choked out a curse as he came down your throat. You swallowed around him and he thought he might lose his mind, gathering your hair up to hold you down until he was spent.

Helping you to your feet, the three of you stood there for several moments gathering your breath, staring at each other with amused wonder.

“Well, that was fun,” Bokuto said, the first to recover. He looked far too self-satisfied for Kuroo’s liking.

You snorted in amusement, limping over to your drawer to pull out another shirt, since the one you had been wearing was still out in the living room. You were in desperate need of a shower and sleep, and you had to hurry before Bo got a second wind.

“So what now?” Kuroo asked, watching you with a raised brow. There was smug pride in his smirk and it must have shown because you turned to glare at him.

“Dunno, what do you want?” Bokuto asked, sliding his boxers back on. He fully intended to join you in the shower, so he fetched a fresh pair from his own drawer, giving you a cheeky grin when you made a face. “If you want a relationship, I’m down.”

They both looked to you then, and you rolled your eyes. “I’ve liked Kuroo for ages, so you don’t even have to ask me.”

“Then it’s settled,” Bokuto said, clapping his hands. “Besides, I like the idea of her not being lonely, since I’m so busy with volleyball and all. And I know I can trust the two of you together.”

He said it with such confidence that both of you were filled with warm affection and happiness, knowing that he believed you wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. And you wouldn’t-- you both loved him too much.

“Alright, shower and then bed. I’m exhausted,” you said, punctuating it with yawn. You stretched your arms over your head and heard an intake of air and, when you opened your eyes, you found them both wearing predatory expressions. “No, no no no. I am sore and tired and--”

“Awe, just one more,” Bokuto said, voice cajoling, and Kuroo nodded in agreement, following Bo as he crowded you against the dresser.

“I have class in the morning, I won’t be able to walk,” you whined, even as you let them pull your shirt back off. It hit the floor and was promptly forgotten as fingers danced up your thighs and over your ribs, more prodding your already abused hole still dripping cum.

Kuroo snickered, his fingers sliding into your pussy again and you shuddered against him, still sensitive. “Ko can carry you, it’ll be fine*.”

“Oh fuck me,” you whined when Bo’s lips latched onto your nipple, and you tugged at his hair in a futile gesture. You were already gone and everyone knew it.

“That’s the plan, princess.”

⇥ masterlist

⇥ taglist: @sluttony, @visaintes, @yunhosblackgf, @super-noya, @byebyes-world, @newfriendjen

#bokuto x reader #kuroo x reader #bokuto kotaro x reader #kotaro bokuto x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #tetsuro kuroo x reader #haikyuu x reader #.ifyoucan'tbeatem

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yeocult · 4 years ago

Text

ATEEZ as students studying

HONGJOONG:

king of self-care! but studies for 15 minutes then take a 2 hour break and calls it self-care (omg he thinks he’s me or smth)

has power naps every single day at least 30 mins because he’s Stressed

always thinking of ways to drop out during the middle of lectures

that one kid that talks to nobody & sits at the back of the class with his hood on to hide his airpods

doesn’t do it anymore bc one time it disconnected and “there’s some whores in this house” blasted out loud & now he’s paranoid

shows up to group studies but lets the group carry him,,, but he puts out One Really good idea to get his name on the paper

only cares about topics he’s interested in, other than that he’s just astral projecting

“yo can you send me your answers so i can compare mine?” but he copies it and says “we got the same answers” (all men do is lie</3)

calculates his marks; “ok so i need at least a 80 on this...oh wait no, a 95...damn okay...”

the type to arrives late with ice coffee

SEONGHWA:

wakes up at 5 am to study instead of staying up

scented candles and lofi music for the ~studying mood~

a linguistic learner

learns best by teaching others so he’ll do group studies often to help other people

teaches people without making them feel dumb

uses grammarly for his emails with 3 paragraphs asking 1 question with a proper greeting and a ‘sincerely, park seonghwa’

professor: ok - sent from iphone

you’ll never see him during exams week, he’s Gone

a loyal user of the outline method

his desk must be cleared at all times! a clean workspace makes it easier to focus

brings extra pencil just in case anyone needs them bc he’s the sweetest person ever (he’s fully aware that he’ll never get them back but it’s okay bc sharing is caring)

does his readings on time (you’ll never catch him slacking)

actually has his shit together for the most part 1/2

YUNHO:

writes “i love you” or “sorry” at the end of his tests (that he bombed)

the type to ask you to print “just one thing real quick” and it’s 15 page and at 2 am

uses emojis like :D & \(^o^)/ when sending emails to his professors

has a bad habit of copying word for word on the slide and he doesn’t actually understand/learn anything

goes to the library bc he thinks that’ll help him be in the ~studying vibe~

it doesn’t. ends up texting or watching youtube gameplay

has never heard of the colour-coding system in his entire life and ends up with a page filled with neon highlight

snacks breaks are the only thing keeping him Normal

leaves himself an encouraging note at the end of the reading page so when he’s finished he feels good !!

friends with all of the professors and uses all office hours

strongest points are his guessing skills in multiple-choice questions (process of elimination ftw!)

he tries his best, doesn’t care about marks that much because he knows it doesn’t determine him (and he’s right!)

YEOSANG:

probably runs a studyblr/gram

has the cutest note ever, his handwriting is so pretty!!

he thinks that buying an ipad pro & apple pencil will make him smarter

likes it bc he can doodle on it then erase them easily :”)

has to wear blue ray glasses because of how he looks at a screen so much

mildliners, muji 0.38 gel pen, 6 ring binder, minimal planner, washi tapes, you name it! he visits muji and daiso every other week

buys wayyy too many planners and notebooks which he never ends up using

only uses pastel mildliners because they’re easy on the eyes. cringes every time he sees yunho’s highlighters v_v

his flaw is that he spends 10 mins writing his header with brush tip pens

mutes the group project gc but gets his part done like the good classmate he is

sweats every time he gets an assignment back, takes a whole ten minute to mentally prepare himself

a visual learner; makes mind maps, flow charts, etc

actually has a working printer that he uses pretty often to prints lessons before class just to be Extra prepare

tells everyone he slept well but his bullet journal habit tracker for sleep says otherwise (plz rest!!)

exclusively uses college ruled paper like the sane person he is

SAN:

uses wide-ruled paper (unfortunately not everyone is perfect</3)

starts off very positive, motivated, and organized

then everything goes downhill by the second week

will definitely set byeol on top of his keyboard, take a picture, and send it to his professor as an ‘excuse’ as why he needs an extension (it works)

can’t sit still for any longer than 30 mins, his legs are always bouncing or fidgeting with pen

flashcard king! spends a lot of time on them but it’s worth it

a utensil chewer (always willing to share his pencil but when ppl saw the bite marks they’re like No Thanks >_>)

can’t study well with groups or himself bc he’ll be distracted,,, so he needs one person that can ground him bc when they’re in the zone, he will too be on his x game mode

sends his assignment at 11:58 pm hoping his professor will take the Hint (plz don’t be afraid to ask for help u_u)

prefers listening to ghibli studio soundtracks but then he either gets emotional or sleepy

sometimes forget to mute his mic and we just hear him groaning in frustration

“haha sorry i just stubbed my toe...”

then mutes his mic and goes back to his mental breakdown

MINGI:

the only person that studies every single day just to get his brain used to the information and running

probably listens to anime op or edm music for that Energy Boost

everyone either hates or love him because...

1. loves him bc he always comes clutched with study guides (and willing to share if he likes you enough)

2. he’s good at everything even if he’s not paying attention/doing it last minute

just naturally good at retaining information and applying them

asks Big Brain question that even the professors are shook

sometimes he gets super into the topic and wants to know Everything

“i’ve never failed an exam in my life” and he’s right! big brain mingi

fetal flaw is that he forgets easily (hence why the last minute) and has to write on his palm as a reminder

clicks his pens All the time so he switched to pens with caps just to keep others from jumping him

takes naps 10 mins before classes

actually has his shit together for the post part 2/2

“if no one got me, i know khan academy and quizlet got me. can i get an amen”

WOOYOUNG:

y’all know that one mf that doesn’t have a pencil?

yea he’s been using the same one someone lend to him before a test and never returned it

it’s been two months and it’s still working well and they’re never going to get it back

a minimalist,,,, but in a bad way</3 bc he carries his stolen pencil and paper that he spilled his energy drink over and that’s about it

just throw loose papers in his bag and forgets about their existence

doesn’t do binders or notebooks, just crumbled up paper

sometimes carries a textbook just to show everyone that he’s got his life together

really noisy for No reason, always wants to know other’s marks

a kinesthetic learner

hides his screen with he gets the kahoot questions wrong (you’ll never catch him slippin)

plays coolmathgames.com during class

doesn’t really know what to study/prioritize so he overwhelms himself with every single topic ever

thinks he’s god by pulling an all-nighter to look at the 60+ slides last minute

Swears he’ll change and do better next semester,,,</3

goes to the cafe, takes pictures of his notes & laptop, post it on his story, then leaves

JONGHO:

thrives off of red bull and ice americanos

gets notes and study guides from his upperclassmen because everyone loves jongho

an audio learner so he’ll probably work out or go on a jog while listening to lessons/audiobook

never pulls all-nighters bc it messes up his sleep schedule and says he’ll do it in the morning but he never does

doesn’t even own a highlighter, he’ll circle or underline stuff with a red or black pen

has never touched a textbook in his life

only the study guides and slides, his textbook is collecting dust rn

his notes are literally Only for him because his handwriting only makes sense to him

has questionable handwriting,,, it’s like decoding

multitasks a lot but it ends up taking a lot longer than he wanted to (bc it’s a myth)

very spontaneous; he’ll grind for 5 hours straight but sometimes he won’t even touch a pencil

works best when he talks about the work in groups and share information with each other, like having a convo about the topic

unmutes his mic Once after the lesson to say “bye”

does his work right after the lessons but then takes a short break & doesn’t even Look back for the rest of the night

a/n: tag yourself ! i’m a bit of hohong (i projected myself on all of them in some way lmaooo)

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dreamcure · 4 years ago

Text

note: this has been uploaded a number of times to my accounts in the past. i am the original poster, vinny, and this is not plagiarized work.

cw: pwp (smut), semi-public, blowjob

word count: 1.8k

That was enough motivation for you to get out of bed and throw on some clothes.

You kept in mind that this was your boyfriend, and any time you were with him was a reason to look nice. Putting in the minimum effort, you pulled on some clean sweatpants and shrugged on his team jacket afterwards, as you usually do with your outfits. It was his own fault he kept forgetting to grab it from your house! He ended up just ordering another one. That meant this one was rightfully yours now.

Car headlights ran across your bedroom window when he pulled onto your street and waited on the road. You passed the empty living room, as your roommate had gone to bed a few hours ago. This granted you the perfect opportunity to go and spend some quality time with your boyfriend without bugging them. His time was so sparse nowadays, what with his pro-athlete lifestyle and your own busy schedule trying to get your life on track, you both leaped at the opportunity to be together. Even if it’s just a half hour in between practice and classes. Texts like these happened often enough for you to be prepared at any time.

He was on his phone when you approached the car. Maybe he was texting you to say he had arrived, but he put it down when you got into the passenger side, nonetheless. Ever since his parents got a new car and let him start using their old car, he’s been unstoppable. And with no one to tell him he can’t go get food on a whim, well… here you are now. “Hey hey hey,” He cooed over the music and leaned over to greet you with a kiss once you shut your door. “Nice jacket, we’re twinning now!” He exclaimed, showing you that he was wearing the team jacket that he had to order once you took his first one.

You put your seatbelt on, he turned up the music even more, put the car into drive, and stepped on it. His lead foot got you to McDonald’s faster than you expected, and it’s probably due to his hunger. At the drive-through window he knew exactly what he wanted, and he turned to you as if to ask if you wanted anything different than your usual. Leave it to him to know these things by heart - although he didn’t eat fast food too often.

The order was put through, and you both waited rather impatiently for the food to be made. It was late, the employees hadn’t much need for a lot of food on standby, but you insisted this was good because then it would be fresh! Sitting at the second window, car in park, listening to whatever song was playing through his aux, he began to play your thigh like a drum - rather horribly along to the beat of his music. His childlike nature just couldn’t be contained when he was excited to eat!

“Bokuto, baby, what’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing, babe, just happy to see you is all~”

The food was acquired, and instead of going anywhere else to eat it, he pulled off to the side and parked the car. It was the only car in the small lot, besides the employee cars, which were very few. The dashboard served as a buffet table, wrappers were tossed into the backseat, and the music was playing softer now that you were talking away.

You spoke about Bokuto’s plans for next week, and how it was basically booked with volleyball practice and travel, as per usual. You told him that you had classes for a couple days, and then time allotted for homework but not much else. In between the conversations, you both stuffed your face. Bokuto stole some of your fries, even if his own weren’t gone yet. In response, you drank from his milkshake, even though you had your own to sip from as well.

The food was demolished. Your boyfriend laid his seat back just a tiny bit and stretched his arm over the console just to hold onto your thigh while you nurse your drink.

“I don’t want to go home,” You said after finishing the last of your meal. It was very late now, far past the time you usually go to bed.

“We can stay out all night if that’s what you want,” he replies, not the least bit concerned that he has responsibilities in the morning.

You were just enjoying the time together so much. He picked up his phone again and began texting rapidly. Curious, you leaned your head on his shoulder to see his screen. He never has anything to hide from you, so he let you read the messages between him and his best friend Akaashi, talking about how he’s not home right now.

“What’s he up to?”

“Akaashi? Probably homework, or Netflix.”

Bokuto put his phone down once the message was sent, and rested his own head down against your’s. Easily he could smell your shampoo. It might just be his favourite scent, because it gives him such a nice feeling whenever he catches a similar scent literally anywhere. Meanwhile, you sat there with your eyes turned downward. His leg was bouncing a little, to release some of his constant energy.

Just like normal, he sat with his seat pushed all the way back from the wheel, and his legs were still bent and thighs spread while he relaxed in his seat. It was only now that you noticed he was wearing grey sweatpants, his pajamas… you could see him half exposing himself, now that you were paying attention. This is exactly what you could be doing instead of going home. The technicalities didn’t run through your mind, you were only thinking about taking this opportunity to get dicked down.

It wasn’t long before your hand was reaching over and traveling north from his knee. “Is this all right?” You asked, because consent is always the key. In physical response, he pushed his legs completely apart in the space he was given and adjusted his hips in his seat, now slouching a little bit. Though, verbally, he chuckled and said, “You know it’s always okay.”

Just like that, it was all over. You closed your hand around the mound in his sweatpants and Bokuto let out the first moan of the night. It was soft, and followed by a sharp inhale of breath when your fingers began to rub and work at it. Slowly but surely, the member under your hand was growing harder and larger. You lifted your head from his shoulder and he took the opportunity to kiss you - eager enough to lead with the tongue and quickly deepen it. His own hand traveled over to find its way and nestle in between your thighs, giving the muscle there a tender squeeze.

Wow, this was really happening. In his parents’ car. They wouldn’t know the difference since they no longer drive it, but… still. One thing led to another and soon you were pulling the waistband of his sweats down. Bokuto lifted his hips enough to let them down his legs and expose nothing beneath them. This wasn’t really his intent when he wore grey sweatpants to your little late night dinner date, but he was really liking the result he got with them. He had a rather large, wavering grin on his face because he was just so excited to see you take this much initiative in staying away from home as long as possible.

“I took a shower a couple of hours ago,” He felt the need to tell you.

It meant his dick was fresh, and perfect for blowing. You weren’t stupid, you knew exactly what he wanted without him even asking for it. And just for now, you were willing to give it to him while he wasn’t dirtied up from exercise. Getting right to it, you brushed your hair away from your face and had a quick look around. If anyone got close enough they could easily deduce what you two were doing in this car. Still, you got comfortable leaning over the center console and prepared to take him in your mouth.

To begin, you pulled back his briefs and tucked the band under his balls. Already you could tell he was near throbbing for your attention, just by the way his cock stood up once the fabric was out of the way. You couldn’t deny him of the attention either - or he might start whining. The moment your hand wrapped into a loose fist around him and your lips pressed to the very tip, he was spreading his legs further and leaning his seat back a little more.

You let your tongue slip out past your lips and give a generous swirl around the head of Bokuto’s cock that brings out a deep moan from him. You kept heavy on the tongue, sometimes resting your head on his abdomen and treating his dick like a candy and sucking the head till it turns a deep red.

Besides the music, the car was filled with the wet noises from your sucking, and Bokuto’s hot as hell moans. You soon forgot you were in a car, until your boyfriend cracked open a window at the first sight of fogging at the windows. He was always full of hot air. It was barely ten minutes of blowing, gently playing with his balls, and humming along to the songs on the radio while you did so, before Bokuto was tensing up more than usual. Obviously he was close, and you were eager to taste the ending he had in store.

The fingers in your hair clenched, tugging the strands at the roots while you bobbed your head up and down his entire length. Your lips were tightly clenched around his cock while waiting for him to release his load. Sure, you were in a parking lot of McDonald’s - more or less public - but Bokuto moaned your name when he came as if you two were home alone regardless. His hands that were lost in your hair were now forcing your head down as far as you’d let it.

When you were allowed to lift your head back up you made sure he heard you swallow the load you were given, then proceeded to lick him clean. From base to tip, you ran your tongue. It made him shiver and attempt at pushing your face away in all his post-orgasm glory. His head was tipped back and he watched out the side window of the car while catching his breath.

Naturally, he had something bright to say, “You just didn’t want to go home.”

He was right.

“Your turn, babe, c’mon now.”

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #bokuto #bokuto x reader #bokuto koutarou #bokuto koutarou x reader #koutarou bokuto x reader #gn!reader

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ewgoals · 4 years ago

Text

50 Reasons why

Plot: Harry and Y/N have had an on and off relationship for 4 years, They truly feel like true love was what kept them together but nobody will take control.They had a beautiful baby boy together and the love they share was pure so pure that Harry decides to try and take control even if it was too late and the woman he called his wife was over him.

A/N: The Plot Is short but the story is long, complex and beautiful. It’s based on a true story. Please listen to the song while you are listening Via Spotify or apple music, Please it makes it so much better! I have a youtube link. I said that Harry wrote and sung the song but it was a musical named rent if you don’t know lol Let me know if you want a part two

Link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-9pvtRwaKHY

Triggers: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Tears?, Heart break.

Word Count: 5,843

Harry was up all night, that’s how it’s been the last few days he couldn’t sleep without Y/N by his side. Harry knows that he did this to himself from pulling away from his former wife, when he began to struggle with his own personal demons. Harry finally sat up as he saw the light coming through the blinds of his home, he looked at his phone for a moment just hoping to get even the smallest text from his former lover but it was sadly nothing. Harry finally decided that he needed to take control of this situation, he needed his feelings to be out there and for Y/N to understand what he truly felt.

This gave Harry the amazing idea, he was going to mix a romantic gesture with him pouring out his heart. This was going to start with Harry writing an emotional letter for the woman that he loved before words, he then ordered 50 roses and sent them to Y/N home after he checked with a couple of friends that she still lived there. This of course was Harry’s favorite thing that he’s done for a little while and he was beyond excited about finally having some control.

Y/N and Harry have been talking every night since Y/N reached out, making sure her ex husband was okay. She never wanted to put him in a bad place, but she knew that it was for the better that they split up even if the divorce was rough enough on both of them. Y/N was shocked when she woke up to his friend calling her from downstairs, the woman rushed down the stairs in fear of something much more horrible. Y/N covered her mouth as she looked around at the 50 dozen roses that filled her living room and dining room.

Roger looked at his best friend before saying “Girl he wants you back so bad” Y/N looked around just as shocked before grabbing a letter that was kept separate from the roses which made her smile seeing Harry’s handwriting “I’ll read these to you just because you are here” The woman admitted before her best friend nodded as he watched her open the letter “Okay here we go” the woman said shaking her head as she began reading.

“I know that you told me not to write this and normally I would listen but I can’t help it, I saw this post that I made for you that was written like a year ago I think and it was crazy because you don’t think you could ever add to a post like that. I could though, it was talking about how you make me feel all of these things! I wasn’t sure how it was possible to add more but once I actually sat down and began thinking about how I could it was easy as hell. I’ll show you the post so you know which one I’m talking about.” The woman’s eyes were already filling with tears as she began to read the post Harry wrote for her on her birthday last year.

“My Love,

As I am writing, I have a million thoughts running through my mind. This letter is meant to be a testament to the feelings I feel for you – you are the one person that can put a smile on my face, even on those days when I am feeling down. You are the reason I am able to lay in bed and fall asleep peacefully. Looking at it, you have offered me new opportunities that no other person would be able to offer me. As you lay next to me in bed sleeping, I lay there and wonder what I did to get so lucky in my life.

You are the one that has reached out and showed me the true meaning of what it feels like to be in peace. There is no other person in this world that could have done that for me. It amazes me that someone with such outer beauty as so much inside her as well. I feel like I am floating when I am with you. My days get brighter when I am with you. I still manage to get these butterflies when I see you. I guess overall I love you. “ Y/N shook her head as she sniffled trying to get herself to compose herself once before she looked at her friend “Please Read the rest” she asked as Y/B/F/N took the letter and began with the next page

“I wrote that on 10/23 that was literally 3 days after you and I got together. That was the day I meant the love of my life and the woman would become the mother of my children, I told you last night but let me rephrase so everyone can see it.

I may not show all the time and that’s because I’m shitty at human emotions but you are the most important person to me. When I’m down you bring me up without realizing you are. When I’m beyond crazy you manage to bring me back down to earth I didn’t wanna tell you because it goes back to the whole “what the fuck does this beautiful ass woman see in me like?” And that goes back to the whole I don’t think I’m worthy of love but you truly make me like I’m worthy even though I fuck up nonstop you still manage to love me even when I’m stupid as shit.” Roger stooped as he began to run his hand up and down his friend’s back “He is quite the words man” this caused them both to chuckle as her friend went on

“I mean every word of that ten times over, no matter what stupid shit I do you manage to find a way to forgive me. Y/N from all the adventures we go on from fucking around and getting hitched in Vegas, to getting married in Paris or maybe me trying to drown you bora bora. That is still not confirmed, I’m only joking but I don’t feel like there are enough words to describe our relationship hell our marriage. Happy birthday to the love of my life, you still manage to keep on my toes but I think that’s because of how amazing you.” Roger gasped “that’s what he wrote for your birthday? I can barely get laid from mine” Y/N laughed as she ran her hand over where her ring used to see as she took the paper and read the last paragraph

“I found that post still saved in my phone and if I’m honest it started off a long list of things that I miss about you and I’ll break that down one by one so give me a minute haha, I’m going to call this the 50 reasons why I love you and the reason why I think we should try just once more and If it doesn’t work then that’s fine and the reason it’s fine is that we have such an amazing friendship that I don’t ever wanna lose. You give me hope even when I am hopeless. I can use all of those typical relationship quotes and for once I understand why they are like that. Okay fine I’ll get one with my list haha.”

Y/N brain finally connected the dots as she looked around at all of the roses “They are in order from number 50” the woman shook her head as she looked at the roses once more, this was going to be a long night. Y/N quickly got started as she picked up the number 50

“50.) I like the way you look at me.

I don’t know it’s possible but when you look at me, I feel this flutter in my chest telling me that I just saw the most beautiful woman look at me. I am also in a position where your eyes tell me so much more than you ever want to let one.” Y/N smiled sweetly as she kept going on

“49.) Your Skin Care

I don’t think I could tell you what you are actually doing when you start the process but I can tell you that I love how you almost become instantly relaxed when you start it and I love seeing that. I love to see how you can wind down from your day and just a little face cream helps you so much with that. “ Y/N looked at her best friend as ran her finger through her hair before giggling “He used to literally roll his eyes everytime I would even begin” Y/N shook her head as she smiled a little before she grabbed the next card

“48.) Those Legs

I love the feeling of running my hands up and down your legs, the way they curve so perfectly, and the length. Please don’t get me started because I don’t think I could stop. They are smooth and always smell so good.” Roger laughed as he lightly smacked her thigh “told you those legs were killer” Y/N laughed as she shook her head “Next one” she said

“47.) Your Touch

The way you used to just run your fingers over my arm or trace outlines on my chest. I used to always look down at you and the minute I felt the tips of your fingers, I would freeze only for a second but that’s because I was shocked you were there.” Y/N looked down at the card as she closed her eyes “I don’t think I can truly get through these” The woman smiled but she kept going

“46.) When you Play with my Hair

This doesn’t get enough credit and I took advantage of it. When I used to lay on your chest and just listen to your heart you would run your fingers through my hair and I would always feel my heart speed up because it felt so good. It felt like you were giving my head the greatest massage of all time” .

“45.) You see the positives when I see Negatives.

I could come to you about something as simple as wanting to know what I should have for lunch and you can give me a whole pro list of different places I could eat. You literally turn every point in our life positively just by counteracting my negative. It makes us work really well but it also shows me how I should look at the world.”

44.) How you used to rub my back

I know this sounds like I am repeating myself but I’m not. You used to straddle my waist and rub my back after the gym, It would give me this relaxing feeling and the way your fingers worked the muscles that were sore out and made me feel like I was jello. I can’t thank you enough...

43.) When You Picked Me

I don’t think anyone was as shocked as me when it happened, I slide into your DMS a nervous man knowing that you had just gotten out of a relationship but I kept my heart open to the small chance I had. When you agreed to go on that date with me I couldn’t even believe it like Why was she settling but I thank my lucky stars for the day over and over.

42.) When You Just Wanted To Cuddle.

I would wake up and have to get up for the gym but you would always pull me back down and ask for five more minutes and the minutes I got a smell of your hair I couldn’t say no. I would have to stay for five more minutes.

41.) The Way You Wake Up.

You always sit up and stretch before you look over at me and lean in to kiss me, I would always try to turn it into a little bit more but you would always say that your breath stunk and I remember that I could never bring it to your attention that I never smelt your breath, I was to busy focusing on my beautiful wife.

40.) Your Feet At Night.

You know that I hate feet with a passion but I love the way you bury your feet under my legs when you get cold when we are together. I used to hate it now that I don't have it. I just miss it.

39.) We Could Watch Cartoons Together.

I never figured that would be something that made me love someone but it truly made me love you more, I could put Peppa pig on but we could still cuddle and just read.

38.) I’ll Always Remember Your Favorite Flower

I will always make sure to have your favorite bouquet of flowers and I will always know that they need to be a dark red because Maroon is one of your favorite colors.

37.) Your Ankles.

I remember when I would be messing around with you, I would always grab your ankle. I would leave a kiss on your ankle, I would hold your ankle. I think I don’t want to admit how much I love kissing your ankle.

36.) You never make me feel dumb.

You are genuinely one of the smartest people I know and somehow you’ve never made me feel like I was less because I don’t know as much as you but you would even try to explain it to her.

35.) How you watch your favorite show,

I’ve noticed that you would religiously watch the same show over and over and that would drive me insane now I find myself watching them just to think you are here.

34.) How You Pull Me Closer.

I would try not to fall asleep first but the minute I did, I would feel you pull me closer and keep me close until you either felt safe or just content. I would love every minute I remember.

33.) Your Dancing

You always dance like nobody's watching and I love that. I love the way you mix current music and start doing the boogie haha I also love the way you twerk lol

32.) Your Quick Replies

I would feel myself becoming closer to snapping and you would always lighten my mood with a little small quick roast, It would always make me feel better.

31.) Your Love For Dogs

I’ve never seen someone care about our living things, I would always be a little shy about them at first but you would go and bear hug the dog no matter what haha.

The next ten flowers were labeled NSFW which meant that Y/N was’t going to read them out loud but her friend was quick to put that idea down “Nope, I’m emotionally invested you need to read them all” Y/N blushed before nodding as she looked at the next card reading loudly

“30.) Your moans

Those are literally crack, I would hear that moan and it would get me ready almost instantly. I hear the moan almost every night and well let’s just say I miss hearing it in person.” Y/N was blushing already as her best friend laughed “Oh this is adorable keep going”

“29.) Your Whispers

I don’t know if you thought I could hear but when you whisper in my ear, I feel myself almost buckling at my knees and smiling just because I know exactly where to touch to make those moans come out.”

“28.) Your Nails

I miss the way your nail would run down my back, they could be long or short. They were just this naturally fuck me harder button and I swear every time you did it I was ready for you all over again.”

“27.) Your Taste.

This is not a place that I can beat around the bush, I miss the feeling of going down on you. I miss feeling those fingers in my hair as I eat the most amazing peach that I could’ve ever tasted in my life” Roger laughed as he held his chest “Girl you better get back with him, that alone would have be running back” Y/N covered her face as she closed her eyes “Okay next one”

“26.) Your Lips

I miss how those lips felt against mine, they are the softest things I’ve ever kissed, and the way you bit your bottom lip is just unreal.”

“25.) Your Smirk

You only use this when you know you’ve won and it’s my favorite thing about getting to admit defeat. That smirk you have when you crawl back on top of me. A man could fall in love with that.”

“24.) Your Ass

How is it I can picture your ass and I could tell you the curves of the perfect tanned ass. I love how you reacted when I finally smack your ass. You gasp and use that damn smirk.”

“23.) Your boobs

I still love the feeling of kissing down your chest as I run my hands over your amazing breasts, they are soft and fit perfectly in my hands. I can tease you so much because of it.”

“22.) Those Kisses

I always remember when you would be giving me a blow job, You would always leave these kisses on my inner thighs. Those still drive me wild but Nobody could do it like you.” Y/N smiled as she shook her head “Girl you need to teach me your tricks. You got this boy pussy whipped” Y/N slapped Roger’s chest “Shut up”

“21.) The way you pull my hair.

I’ve learned that you grab onto many things, my hair is a perfect victim but god is it such a turn on. I could feel myself slipping away because you wore me out but the minute you pulled my hair I was back into it. “

“20.) The way you take control when you want it.

I loved watching you ride me, I get the perfect view of those amazing perfect breasts in my face but I also get to see you take control and that is so sexy. “

Y/N finally looked up at Roger before closing her eyes “I have 20 more reasons why he loves me and I have no words to say anymore” Roger smiled as nodded “come on girl 20 more”

“19:) How well we fit together

I would begin that I could marry someone who just sleeps well and I did. Our bodies just fit perfectly to the point that I could never think that anything could be better”

“18.) The Way You Talk To Tv

I can’t begin to tell you that just because you scream at the tv, it's not going to change the outcome but watching you get so the anger was half worth it”

“17.) Your Grace

The way you handle yourself when the media talks about you. You don’t talk negatively but just smile through it”

“16.) The way you handle my jealousy

I know that sometimes, it’s ridiculous that I get jealous over small stuff but it’s because have you ever dated someone who was so above your league? Of course not, you are a goddess.”

“15.) I love that we are friends and family.

No matter what you always made me feel important even when nobody else did, you always treated me like family and when I was going through a pure panic attack you would manage to call me down even with just your words. You treat me like I am not this piece of shit. That I matter. “

“14.) Your Smell

When you would get out of the shower and come to bed, The way your hair smelt mixed with your perfume and other smells just made you into this perfect smell that I still can’t get out of my nose.”

“13.) Our Baths

We did this a lot while you were pregnant, I would just run my hand over your little pregnant belly and I would feel so content with just being able to hold you, let you relax with some weird bath bomb”

“12.) Your Christmas Obsession

I never really liked Christmas before I met you, it was kinda just a holiday. I would go home but you made it special. Now when it’s Christmas time all I think about is you, how your eyes would light up when you would see all the Christmas lights. How you would get excited when Emre,Lea or Presley opened a present. You Made Christmas something special and I’ll always thank you for that.”

“11.) Your Laugh

I think I could write a ten page essay about your laugh alone. I remember holding you and I would start to tickle you now it would end in you giving me a death threat but it was worth it to hear that laugh. I would always get this heart fluttering feeling when that special sound left your lips.”

“10.) I miss you when you aren’t next to me

I’ve noticed this more now that we aren’t together but I find myself taking this much more serious now that the reality sets in that we are where we are. This becomes more real every time I get a text from you. Hell I used to miss you when you are in the next room.”

“9.) The way you are with our kids.

I feel like this is pretty self explanatory but the way you look at our kids and how they smile so lovingly back at you . The way they squeal when you kiss them, how they want nothing more but to hold you and play with you makes me realize that you were the perfect choice for the mother of my children, You are the perfect mom everyone is trying to me and you do it effortlessly.”

“8.) We’ll Always Have Paris.

I’ve always wanted to say that haha. You make it possible for me to say that. Paris will always be the place where I found the love of my life, It will also be the place where God showed me that angels walk among men.”

“7.) Always being True

You are being true to who you are, your morals are sometimes not in my favor but it makes me love you more. That you know exactly what you want and what you truly deserve. This drives me crazy but in the best possible way and almost makes me jealous of you that you are so smart and true to who you are that you can get whatever you want. This makes even more one of a kind than you are.”

“6.) The Way You Let Me In

I know that you don’t do this anymore and I think that’s what makes it even more special that you let me in. I get to see every side of you: the good,bad,stressed, sad, angry, vulnerable. I know it doesn’t make sense but when you open up to me I get this feeling in my chest and I just can’t help but feel like I am the luckiest person in the world. “

“5.) Your Eyes

I was in the studio yesterday and the thought of you popped into my mind and the lyrics created themselves. I have the audio of me singing which I texted you, I don’t know if you caught that yet. If not I left the lyrics for you”

Your eyes

As we said our goodbyes

Can't get them out of my mind

And I find I can't hide

From your eyes

The ones that took me by surprise

The night you came into my life

Where there's moonlight

I see your eyes

How'd I let you slip away

When I'm longing so to hold you

Now I'd die for one more day

'Cause there's something I should have told you

There's something I should have told you

When I looked into your eyes

Why does distance make us wise?

You were the song all along

And before the song dies

I should tell you, I should tell you

I have always loved you

You can see it in my eyes

Y/N saw her phone sitting next to her as she grabbed it and saw the audio file that was sent to her, the woman smiled softly before she played the song as loud as she could without waking her young son in the next room over. Roger's eyes were filled with tears by the end of the song before Y/N wiped her tears away as she shook her head “I can’t do this anymore. Roger I’m seeing someone else'' Roger nodded as he looked down sad for the woman “Just hear him out” Y/N nodded as she looked at the last four of the flowers

“4.) Those Nose Scrunches

I couldn’t get enough of those, when you would tease me there was a nose scrunch. When you would be making food and it splashed on you there was a nose scrunch. When you would change a diaper another nose scrunch or even when I kissed your nose. God I love them.”

“3.) Our Inside jokes

This is something I never thought I would miss as much I do, I love that when I say Bora Bora to you that we both think of the time you claim I tried to drown you I swear to goodness I did not! Or our mutual hatred for the chicago bears”

“2.) You made me feel like I mattered

It didn’t matter if I felt like I was the worst person you always made me feel like my story mattered and that so did what I have to say. You made me realize that even if nobody wants to hear it my voice should be heard. You helped me into who I am now. I wasn’t Harry Styles to you, I was just a person”

“ 1.) Your Heart

This is the number one reason why I love you. Your heart is a wonderful thing, that you don’t realize is as amazing as it is. Your heart is this thing that amazes me hell it managed to love me and well that’s crazy enough to me. I get more and more amazed every time you show me your heart. When I met you and your heart, it began to change me and help heal my messed up heart. Your heart is the purest thing I’ve ever seen. I love you. I love your heart and I love that you managed to love me with that beautiful heart.”

Y/N was now in full blown tears as she found the next letter hidden in the last bouquet of flowers “Roger please” her best friend took the letter as he opened the letter she read out for her

“ I think I could keep going on because If i’m being honest it took me an hour to think of 50 reasons why I love you but I decided that it might be a little too much if I sent a 100 reasons why I love you but I told you that I will give you 50 reasons why I love you and one reason why I think we should try again and here is that reason

1..) The reason I think that we should try once more is because we are perfect. I know that it would be easier to go and talk to Matthew and fall in love with him and that He won’t give you half as many headaches as I did. Hell he probably won't give nearly as much heart break either. He would be the easier option and I would understand completely if you did it now I know he's not a guy you were talking to but he was just an example. I know that I am not perfect, hell I am far from it. I know that at points our relationship was toxic and I am still so sorry for every time that I made our relationship toxic in some way.”

Y/N covered her mouth as she bit her lip “He knows about Matt… yet he still took a chance with all of this” Roger looked down at the letter as he kept saying

“I know that we have our problems, I know that we can talk through them and I know that I love you. I know that no matter what I always will. Hell you can tell me no right now and that we will never happen again and I will tell you okay but only if I can still be in your life because that’s all i truly want. If I can’t have you then it would still be an honor to be your friend.”

Y/N looked at her phone in her hand before she grabbed her phone and quickly dialed her ex husband’s number “Y/N” the sound of the man’s voice made her breath stop as she looked at the roses in front of her “Harry, These roses and the letters” Harry just laughed a little “It was over kill huh?” Y/N quickly smiled “No! I loved them but Harry. My heart’s heavy— which I don’t know is a good thing or not. All these things you’ve said about me, these 50 reasons why you love me, it really touched me and it made me realize that you truly do love me. What breaks my heart is that this wasn’t there during the end of our relationship” The woman stopped for a moment as she tried to hold back the tears that she had

‘On both sides, not just yours. What hurts is that it took 3, or even 4 years for us to realize this? It took countless breakups. It took so much, and maybe that’s the beauty of it. You’re right, another relationship would be easier to be in, there wouldn’t be the arguments and fights and quarrelling and all the little things that are basically ways of expressing love for one another. I don’t know if I need to explain anything right now, and I’m assuming you don’t want me to. But I will tell you that you really healed a lot with what you said. It means a lot, and I do love it.” Harry shook his head

The man laughed at himself as he audibly said “No, I don’t want you to explain anything. I want you to just know that I meant every word. That wasn’t my intention to heal anything with a letter. It was to show you that if you want and I need you to remember that if YOU WANT I’ll be right here waiting with my arms open and ready to love you all over again because like I said a new relationship would be easy for both of us but they wouldn’t have those parts that make us so perfect and comfortable together. Now I’ll admit I hope this does make you want to try this again but if it doesn’t that’s fine because now you know everything I was so cowardly to say while we were together.” Harry finished as Y/N sniffled into the phone

Y/N managed to start talking without breaking her words “I do understand. I don’t know if I’d want to try again though. We could, but it could end up like it did last time, it could also last a long time, but I’m in a place where I’m slowly getting better and I’m not sure if risking that is a good thing. If I’d have heard this when we were together then that’s another story. Maybe we couldn’t work it out together and recovered from our problems and mental health issues together. But we had to separate to help ourselves, that itself says something. Harry, I love you and I will always love our son and the life that we have together but I am seeing someone Harry and I need to see where that goes” Harry smiled sadly as his eyes filled with tears before he whispered “ I understand. I’ll talk to you soon Y/N. Tell Jace I love him and that daddy misses him.” Harry didn’t say goodbye. He just hung up.

Harry knows that what he did was childish and he should’ve been supportive, he couldn’t help it. He was upset, heartbroken, disappointed,miserable. Harry knew that he couldn’t do that to his ex wife and mother of his child, he grabbed his phone and quickly texted back “I am happy for you, I’m elated that you found someone to make you feel the way I feel about you. I’m not going to lie. I was hoping that my 50 reasons would give a little time to take you off your feet. I was just a little too late. I love you Y/N. I’ll always be waiting for you… No matter what”

#harry styles imagines #Harry Styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry styles au meme #one direction imagine #hs imagine

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youvebeenlivingfictional · 4 years ago

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I Could Be Your Sometimes Part Five

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist Rating: Explicit - 18+ Only Notes: Set before the series. Texts with times in front of them and no name or initials in front of them indicate reader’s texts Thank you to everyone that’s liked and read this!! Warnings: Eventual infidelity and sexual content. If you dislike this, please don’t read. Thank you. Chapter-specific warnings: Cursing; Alcohol consumption Pairing: Andy Barber x Reader Summary: On my way out, I’d run into Laurie, who’d been on her way to brunch with her good friend Toby Lanzman.

Once the idea Andy was only reaching out to me as a way of assuaging some worry of Laurie’s had rooted itself in my mind, it grew, and sprouted some of the ugliest, most irritated thoughts when his texts popped up on my phone. I limited myself to one-word responses when possible; I started parking my car in a different spot so he wouldn’t see it and call or text me, telling me to go home, or invite me down to get something to eat. If I stayed late, I’d ordered in from Harvey’s and asked them to deliver-- tipped extra for having them come around the corner.

And I started to resent Andy’s texts, just a bit. Especially three weeks down the line when I got one that read, (9:32 PM) AB: Haven’t seen your car past six lately. Glad you’re taking my advice. I was still at my desk - my car was two blocks, out of the way of where he’d think to look for it; I was halfway through my grilled cheese. I sent him a thumbs up emoji and set my phone down to get back to work. When my phone buzzed with another text, I ignored it. It was like I’d told him about his work problem: I could still be friends with the guy, but that little bit of distance was important. --

“I don’t know, I mean he’s been...Distant isn’t the right word.” How had I even become privy to this conversation? Well, the short answer was: Laurie. The long answer was that I had been gone into the office on Saturday to get a couple of extra hours of work in. On my way out, I’d run into Laurie, who’d been on her way to brunch with her good friend Toby Lanzman. That had been two hours ago. Now the both of them were blitzed on bellinis and I was being told that Andy seemed... Well, apparently ‘distant’ wasn’t the right word. “He’s been on his phone way more lately, says it’s work. And I believe him,” Laurie tacked on, looking between and me and Toby like we were about to stop her and tell her to swear on a stack of bibles, “I mean we’ve both been busy, obviously, I’m taking on more responsibility at the Children’s Cottage and his case load has been heavier at work and all of the stuff going on with...With some of his coworkers,” Laurie lowered her voice glancing around to make sure none of said coworkers were in the vicinity. “Do you ever check his phone?” Toby asked. “No, of course not,” Laurie scoffed, “I mean I have his password, but I trust him.” “Look,” Toby rested her elbow on the table with a resounding ‘thud’ that seemed like it should’ve hurt, “You’re both busy, you’re both stressed. That can put strain on a marriage. I mean look at me and Gary!” Laurie nodded knowingly, and Toby added, “Exactly.” I had no idea what they were talking about, but I had the feeling that all was not well in the Lanzman household. -- Distant. I couldn’t even imagine Andy being distant. Well, I couldn’t anymore; the guy was texting me nearly every other day at this point. But that had been Laurie’s idea, right? I glanced at her where she was in my passenger seat, staring out of the window as I drove. She’d told me that she could just get a cab, but I felt bad - I didn’t like the idea of her riding home in total silence with a stranger when she was in such an odd mood. We’d watched Gary pick up Toby before I’d led Laurie into my car and thrown a podcast on, on the off-chance she didn’t feel like talking. “Thanks for driving me back,” She said quietly as I turned onto her street. “Thanks for brunch,” I returned. She gave me a smile, reaching out and patting my shoulder before she got out of the car. I watched her the go up the steps and waited until she was safely inside before driving off. -- (4:39 PM) AB: Did I see your car outside? (5:32PM) Outside where? (5:37PM) AB: Never mind, I got my answer. (5:37PM) AB: Thanks for driving Laurie back. (5:40 PM) Sure.

(5:42 PM) AB: Should’ve come in and said hi. (5:44 PM) Didn’t know you were around.

(6:22 PM) AB: So Laurie gets to have brunch with you, but I haven’t seen you in three weeks? (6:23 PM) AB: That doesn’t seem fair. (6:25) Didn’t realize it was a contest. --

“Good thing I wasn’t holding a cup of coffee, huh?” Andy’s brow quirked as he smiled down at me. I lowered my hands from his chest as I regained my balance. “I-- I’m sorry,” I mumbled, acutely aware of the flush that was creeping up my neck and over my cheek. Andy's chuckle was warm and low; his hands lingered for a moment before they slid from where they’d caught me about the waist to stop me from toppling over.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, glancing around the office. It seemed that I hadn’t made a massive fool of myself in front of anyone. “Well, we won that pro bono case,” Andy said, leaning against the wall, “And I came to talk to your boss. Lynn wants you guys to give the talk that you gave here to my entire department.” My brows rose. “...Are you shitting me?” “He is not shitting you!” Nora said brightly, poking her head out of her office, “Just who I wanted to see. Nice to see you again, Mr. Barber,” She added before heading back inside. Andy leaned down and murmured, “Maybe watch how fast you take those corners,” in my ear. He straightened up, meeting my eye and winking before disappearing down the hall. I watched him go before I stepped into Nora’s room. “Normally I’d chastise you for using that sort of language with someone that isn’t me, but considering the nature of your relationship with him, I’ll let it slide,” Nora commented. “What-- Nature of what relationship? There’s no--There’s nothing,” I said defensively. Nora raised a brow at me. “I meant because you’ve known him forever, not that there was anything untoward going on.” She frowned, watching me lower myself into one of the chairs in front of her desk. “Are you alright?” She asked gently. I nodded, pinching the bridge. “The last few weeks have just been...Busy,” I excused, “So when are you going in for the talk?” “By ‘you’, you mean ‘we’, right? I was going to leave this in your hands. It’s your seminar,” Nora pointed out, “Unless you’ve got a good reason why you shouldn’t be leading it.” Not one that wouldn’t sound awful. I shook my head. “Sounds great.”

#I Could Be Your Sometimes #andy barber #andy barber imagine #andy barber x you #andy barber x reader

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moldy-mold · 5 years ago

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Diary Post: My Thoughts and Processes on Making “Silent Strength” It’s lengthy, taking place over long period of time. Mainly written for my future-self to remember what I went through, but also for anyone who is curious. Now that the project is over, I can post without reservations. There are certain things I need to keep secret though, so if I’m vague I do so intentionally!

Basically, a lot of number-crunching, physical labor, and psychological labor.

It started off as kind of a joke tweet I made. I had enough content to make a Tales Of art book and people were receptive to it. So… I thought maybe I could go somewhere with this. A few weeks later, I suddenly had a lot of Kratos art. Like. 80% of all my Tales art was Kratos. It didn’t make sense to make a broad Tales Of book when really most of it was Kratos.

I hadn’t made a book since I was in college despite it being one of my favorite things to do. They were never art books, just some editorial design projects that totally didn’t count. This book… would be my first-ever art book.

Several times, I came close to having enough art to print a book - the last time was my large collection of Yusuke Kitagawa, but the quality wasn’t where I wanted. At that time, I was still experimenting with my iPad Pro and figuring out Procreate, so that was what I used him for.

NGL, I was pretty afraid of looking like a clown. After doing all this work, what if no one actually buys it? I was talking to some friends and they said they would buy it. It was enough for me. In the end, I’m creating something that I love. - The first thing I really wanted to work on was the cover. It needed to be epic but also mysterious (lol)… It was a good time to practice lighting and backgrounds. The cover had to be freaking Fantastic. I spent 3 days drawing nonstop. I was on vacation so I could spend full days just drawing. It was really intense. I would stop in the evenings to go for a run or else my legs would never get circulation again.

The hardest part was keeping it secret. I wanted to share it with the world right away bc I was so proud of it. Well, all I could do was show it to my parents and some close friends. They didn’t know who Kratos is, but it was obvious I was crazy about him.

Initially, I was doing some hand-lettering for the zine title instead of using a typeface. Tbh, I was so sure I was naming this zine “Blame Your Fate!” bc that is such an iconic line. But it just didn’t work with my cover, which looked… a little too serene for that. So… Silent Strength or Divine Strength? I asked around and got my answer.

But what size? All of my art has been on letter canvases. I wanted it to be large so you could see the details in the art. I’ll just start with that. - Luckily, I had all my Kratos-related art in one place. I started my InDesign file and threw everything in there just to see what it looked like. Man, I draw a lot of boxes… But I didn’t want them all next to each other. I also wanted to kinda organize it by the people Kratos hangs out with. There’s a Yuan section LOL… and a Lloyd section… and an Anna section. Idk, I tried to get some kind of order in there with a sprinkling of full spreads here and there to keep it fresh and interesting for the eyes.

I hadn’t worked with InDesign on such an intense level since college. I forgot all of the tips and tricks we learned in class. Spent some time reading on how to do things again… like adding page numbers. - I started drafting my pre-order form. It’s my first time making a google form like this. It’s kind of fun? I spent a long time on it, despite how simple it was. This was going to be my “Store” so it had to look and sound good. - My friend introduced me to charm-making. It seemed easy enough, and I wanted to give my zine more oomph. Besides, I’ve always wanted to make a charm.

I remember someone saying they’d buy a book of just the 4 Seraphim if it existed. I like them too and they lack art imo. In the end, I decided to do a polaroid charm. It’s not really that unique but I wanted Kratos to have actual friends to hang out with for once LOL.

She was going to do a group order to try to reduce the costs. I thought maybe 4 weeks would give me enough time. In the end she said I only have 2. I work well under pressure, so needless to say, I did make that deadline. I actually sketched the whole thing on the plane headed home. - After playing the game the second time, watching the OVA again, and reading “Offerings to a Star,” I have gained a real soft spot for Yuan. My friend once said, “If you weren’t stolen away by Kratos, you would be in love with Yuan.” Lol. I’ve been in a “Kratos and Yuan hanging out” mood lately, so of course I needed something good for the zine. They’re so cute together! Now… what is the bro-est thing I can draw?

I was currently in Florida for my friend’s wedding. I was friends with the groom and his best man since high school, so that makes it 10 years now. Seeing how they’re still friends after all this time, despite living in opposite sides of the country, was really moving to me. Of course, me being me, I could see Kratos and Yuan’s long friendship being similar to this, if they had gone to school together. I just had to draw it. - When I got back from vacation, I did some research on zine sizes. Mine was HUGE compared to others. I just didn’t quite realize it until I held a magazine in my hands. It really is huge…

I settled for a medium size. 7x9. I really liked how it looked. Petite but not too petite. Unfortunately resizing my book had messed up my artwork placement so I spent hours rearranging all the text and resizing my images. I found out afterwards that there’s a way to retain the format while changing the document size. Gee, that would have been helpful 4 hours ago.

Sadly, choosing a custom size booklet makes printing more expensive. But I wanted it badly enough that I’d be willing to pay for it. Letter size is just too large… - I decided to stop dragging my feet and post a promo. I just really needed a deadline for myself to get this all done before July ended. I’m happy it was well-received. A lot of people like Kratos huh…

Anyway, the pre-order is due in a week and I still don’t know what all the costs are yet. I need a physical proof ASAP to weigh at the post office! - Something possessed me one day to do another drawing. I don’t usually do painterly style (mainly because it’s really difficult and takes 10x longer) but I just REALLY wanted to push myself on this Final Piece to the zine. I wanted it to be… radiant. Almost religious. I worked on it obsessively. From breakfast to sundown. The only time I would stop was at 7pm to go running or else my legs would give out on me.

Call me crazy, but I would save my progress on my phone so I could examine it for errors during my warmup. I also spend an hour examining it for errors before going to bed. It’s a miracle I hadn’t dreamt of the painting. - I sent my files in on Sunday in hopes that they start working on it first thing on Monday…. and it HAPPENED! They finished before I even woke up. I think they start work at like 6am…

Of course, I drove over there as soon as I heard so I can get a look. “Please… please let the colors be okay,” I prayed as I was driving. I barely remember driving there, I was so lost in thought. It would be another long ordeal if I had to fix all the colors.

Thank the stars. The press proof looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was screaming to the client coordinator how much I loved it. I mean, I worried for a looooong time that everything would turn out too dark (it usually does) but it was PERFECT. I was especially worried about the cover, which contained a lot of yellow and I def did not want it to come out mustardy… But it was great in the end!

The press operator is a quiet man. He’s got a scary face and never smiles but I think he’s secretly nice. He has done a lot of favors for me in the past without my asking. He was the one to print, bind, and trim the book for me. Obviously he had to have seen what I was drawing. I wonder what he thought of it…? He walked away before I could express how happy and thankful was. He didn’t need to hear it. It was like he already knew. So cool…

I immediately took it to the post office to weigh it. I needed as much info as I could get and plus, I was dying to know for myself. This is the week I was supposed to open pre-orders and there was still a lot I needed to do. Take pictures, create mockups, pricing, etc.

NGL, all of these costs were building up fast. It was so darn expensive to make a zine while also keeping prices down. But I wanted so much more for my baby. Extra glossy cover, perfect binding!! I knew by the end of this, I probably wouldn’t make much money. It hurt a little, but I tried to think that it was for the greater good. Learning experience and all that. And creating something beautiful. Especially something beautiful of Kratos. - Pricing was really the hardest part. I pretty much threw profit out the window. However, I definitely did not want to be losing money. My dad and I had worked together to create a spreadsheet of expenses to make sure my head was above water. I followed it… loosely.

My friend came to talk to me at the right moment. I was sort of panicking at the prices. She made me realize I was thinking way too hard about it and gave me some tips based on her own experience. It really put my mind at ease talking to someone who understands my woes.

The truth of the matter is, the book is wonderfully made and has a lot of pages - countless hours of drawing. There is only so much I can do about pricing. It is what it is… I just needed to come to terms with my own worth. - Boy, what am I going to do once the zine is done? My friend says that I’ll be so over Kratos that I’ll stop drawing him (but the love remains). It’s like… all of the intense planning, working, struggling nonstop will just suddenly… stop. TBH, I’m running out of ideas. I spent it all on the zine. - Photoshoot today. I had to paint my nails purple for this occasion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the look I wanted in the apartment. It’s just so naked without props. I think I’ll take it to a cafe for some nicer backgrounds. I talked it over with my friend and decided to do a quick flip-through of the zine as a promotional video. I used the most professional video program I had on hand… Snapchat. It actually turned out pretty legit and of course I slapped stickers on there because it’s Snapchat.

I had to tape/hide some of the pages for the video because I wasn’t actually done with the drawings. I had the printers print it anyway so I could examine it for color accuracy.

I’m really stressed about pricing now. It turns out I had a lot more international fans than I anticipated. I wish I took notes on interest earlier in the game to cater to them. I had a list of “possible buyers” and I only just now decided to check where they live? Foolish.

I did another cost analysis on paper to figure out what my goal was to make up for the charms. Right now they’ve cost me a fortune for something that was supposed to be giveaway. Other things that rack up are packaging costs, PayPal fees, and some other supplies I needed for this project.

Maybe I shouldn’t have made it 40 pages. It is an impressive number, but no one is really paying for quantity. I think 25 is a better number lol. If I had done that, I could have had my super-gloss cover like I wanted. :’(

There is hope though. And I’ve placed it in the hands of my followers to come through for me. I think I’ll open pre-orders on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what I finish. - “Losing your cool will only lead to poor decisions.”  Thanks, Kratos twitter bot. You always know what to say.

I read this post today on what makes people buy zines. Very interesting!  https://twitter.com/andythelemon_/status/1141469048653398019 - Photoshoot part 2 today. My friend and I went to a cafe nearby that had some nice atmosphere in hopes of finding the right shots. I brought all of my Kratos merch just in case. I’m glad I did though, since the tables were pretty sparse and it was difficult to capture the backgrounds without getting a bunch of random people in it too.

I would have been the photographer, but I definitely wanted my hands in the shots. In a way, it was meaningful - to show that this was made by my own two hands. Plus, I wanted to depict natural interaction with the product. It made it feel real.

The photos were cute! I feared it would look a little amateurish with all the merch in there, but I think fun was what I was really going for, not “professional.” And plus the flip-through was a Snap anyway LOL. As long as the photos have good lighting and tasteful composition, you really can’t go wrong with “fun.”

Now that I’ve finished editing my photos, there really isn’t anything holding me back from opening pre-orders. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my pricing. If I fail to break even, I’ll just have to open commissions to try to make up for it. I was telling my friend on the way home, “I gave this zine EVERYTHING I had to give. So at the very least, I won’t be disappointed in myself.” No stone left unturned, no detail left unchecked. It was perfect according to my standards. I really love my zine okay?!

I thought I was crazy for not only choosing a small fandom, I narrowed it down even further by picking ONE GUY to make this zine about. She replied, “Even if it’s small, those people who love him now must be EXTREMELY LOYAL to still be in love with a character from a 15-year-old game. All of them will want your zine.” - I went to bed that night with the intention of making the pre-order post live in the morning. I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake until at least 5 or 6 am. Luckily, I was able to doze off for a an hour or two before I would shake myself awake again. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement. It was the moment of truth - to see if all my effort made a difference. Was it going to sell? - The pre-order post looked really freaking good. I’ll give it that. I even made a YT account just to post that darn preview video on tumblr lol. It was definitely fun seeing everyone’s excitement and we all just freaked out together.

I broke even! That’s what really matters. Honestly at this point, I couldn’t care less if I made profit or not. I now know how much people really like the zine and that alone made me so happy I could die.

I was particularly fascinated at Google Form’s ability to transfer all the data collected into a spreadsheet. That is extremely helpful. I spent hours organizing the data. It was really fun…?! Now I can tell who gets invoiced and who paid and separate them into categories. IT’S FANTASTIC!

Stayed up late researching how much adding tracking could be. I had a slight panic attack thinking “what if my books got lost in transit?” It would really hurt me to have to reprint books and ship them again. And then I realized I will need to fill out customs forms for all international orders. Yikes, I’m gonna be living at the post office lol. You can print them out at home if you fill out the form online but there are still some things I’m uncertain about. I may visit the post office later this week to ask all my questions. - This morning I sent out everyone’s invoices. I gave the international people the option to purchase tracking. It’s expensive… but I need to provide that option just in case.

I received a nice message from someone who offered to advertise for me on Instagram. Of course, I gave them the OK! I’m really so shocked they would do that… They said the liked the zine so much it deserved more exposure. My dude… I love you… T_T

I thought about advertising on insta myself earlier in the week. For some reason I felt it was going to be fruitless since I don’t have an art account on there with a following. So, I gave up on the idea. Hey it worked out in the end.

I’ve never been so organized in my entire life. I want this zine experience to be perfect. The people have placed their trust in me, so I cannot mess up. - Edited some pages in the zine. The typography must be perfect… It made me think back to undergrad days in graphic design school. Man, if only I can present this as a project - photos, videos, matching accessories and all. I’d probably get an A lol. - Orders slow down after the first day. The rest is just about getting new people to see the post and giving other people more time to decide.

I finished my Kratos stationery today. It’s going to be so cute. My friend said people would want to buy it but I don’t have it in me to do more products at this time. Plus, I want it to be a surprise.

Why make stationery? Well my real job (no, I don’t draw Kratos all day for a living) is a stationery designer! It would feel really wrong not to put into practice what etiquette I’ve learned in this business. Plus, I felt that it was necessary to properly thank all those who ordered. And it’s fun?

I started designing the shipping labels for the domestic orders since I don’t need to fill out a customs form for those. I wish I had sticker labels but… it’s okay. It will still look good in the end. - Every so often, I would get nervous at the amount of money I’m responsible for. Perhaps, if I had a store with existing products I wouldn’t feel this way, but the fact that the books haven’t been printed yet made me scared. I know, I need this money to even print the books in the first place, but I’m just baffled at my customers’ trust in almost a total stranger. I felt pressured that I could not let them down and lose that trust. It probably didn’t help that I watched a documentary on Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) that day.

So, I prayed every single day that nothing would go wrong. I’d check my spreadsheet constantly for any mistakes. It was a little obsessive, but I would rather be that than overlook something.

I began collecting cardboard boxes. My plan was to cut them up to protect the books during transit. I would have preferred hard envelopes but they were a bit pricey. If I have to do more work myself, so be it.

I’ve been getting nice DMs from some buyers. I think my invoice due date scared them… I really did not intend to be strict, but I wanted people to pay now if they can rather than forget about it. This happens at work all the time, so the best thing to do is have it due immediately. It would not look good to have to wait on stragglers when I close pre-orders, so I’ll probably reach out when there is one week left. - My Kratos stationery arrived! Aww it is SO CUTE!!! My babies… I have a lot of notes to write so I got started right away. It’s going to be a lot of work trying to come up with creative ways to say “thank you,” but I don’t mind. I said I was going to put my all into the zine experience so I will.

At long last, the charm order has been put in motion. My friend said it could take a while… I hope it won’t be longer than 3 weeks. I really do not want to keep everyone waiting. I may ship out the ones who did not win a charm first. I mean, there is no reason to make those guys wait. I should ask the charm winners if they still want to wait and see if anyone wants to give it up for someone else who is more patient. Hm. - I finally stopped by the post office today to collect customs forms. I have my work cut out for me since I’m filling all of them in by hand. D:

I’m not used to international addresses so I think I’ll ask for help in checking them for spelling errors and typos. Heaven forbid I mess up on the very last part of the zine experience.

In my nervousness, I decided to reach out about invoices early on. If someone wanted to cancel, I would rather find out sooner rather than later. Everyone was really nice about paying and thank goodness they’re still excited.

Feeling kind of overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, but it’s a good thing. If I don’t know what to do, I can either: cut cardboard, write letters, type shipping labels, draw more Kratos for a… possible volume 2? Someone I talked to today already said they’ll pre-order a second book if I make one. Omg I think I’ll die. But we’ll see. It’s just a joke right now haha… - Preorders end today. I had another nightmare last night that the books could not be printed properly and there was nothing I could do. Why do I keep getting nightmares about the zine! I had one a few days before about people canceling their orders when I asked them about the invoices. I’ll take these dreams with a grain of salt. I’m probably just stressed/worried but everything is going to be okay. When I open my eyes, nothing is on fire.

I received my final proof a few days ago. With all of the artwork completed and changes applied. The book looks good, no doubt about it. There was only one thing I was nit-picky about but it can be fixed. The press operator offered to print another book for me to inspect. I’ll go see it on Monday and then submit the rest of the orders. I also asked to to have a meeting with the press operator so we are on the same page. It would be beneficial to have an understanding of how my book is made so that I may be more helpful to him.

I spent the day preparing shipping labels. I hate to admit, I am not too familiar with the format international addresses so I had an address validator open as I was typing them in. For the most part, everyone was helpful in already formatting their addresses in the preorder form! - My parents called me the day after preorders were closed. They wanted to say congratulations on my success. No one thought it would do this well. I couldn’t be offended by that since I was also guilty of it. I’m happy though. It feels like my love spread across the world and was contagious.

I tried to think of what advice I would give to others. Obviously, genuine love for the subject and hard work were a necessity. But it would be good to consider value. If I were selling it at this price, I had to make sure my pieces and presentation looked the part. I ask myself, if someone else sold it, would I buy it?

I sent out messages to all the charm winners in the morning. I wanted to apologize profusely at the ridiculous amount of time it has taken to get them made. But no, I’ve got to stop apologizing. I stated the facts and left it at that. Everyone was really kind and patient⁠—to which I was thankful for. I don’t usually get that when I’m working customer service. - All the books were done printing in one day. Wow! I went to pick it up immediately of course. I can’t believe all of this is coming to an end. I finished preparing the mailers. All that was left was to stuff and seal the domestic orders. They were the easiest to do so I’m going to ship those first. The rest will need customs forms, which I haven’t filled out just yet. It’s going to be a while for those…

The mailers were quite sturdy with the cardboard cutouts I slipped in them. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sure my babies will be okay! - I took a whole box of domestic orders to the post office today. Wasn’t sure what to expect. But my clerk had to input every single address one at a time while I checked for errors. Omg, why are the post office shipping labels SO HUGE. I thought it was going to be half the size. And they’re ruining my designer labels! Slight panic but oh well…

I had a long long line behind me. I’m so sorry, people. Luckily there were two clerks or I would be really sweating. Despite my intimidating box of zines, the clerk and I had Synergy and we managed to ship all of these in about 15 minutes. I received a very long receipt and quite the bill lol. - Shipped the international orders today. I was kind of a mess since I had no idea what to do. I keep wondering if I can help speed up the process in any way but I don’t think I have the option to ship first-class at home.

When shipping international, keep the post office copy of the customs forms together with the package since they use that to type the address info into the system. Also, we get free tracking, which I did not know about. The other clerk told me that we did not get tracking for international first-class but I guess he was misinformed. It’s good to know for next time. - The charms finally arrived!! And THEY’RE HOLOGRAPHIC?! It was pretty awesome, but it makes picture-taking kind of difficult!! Anyway, I was a tiny bit disgruntled that they got my order incorrect, and I even asked for a reprint. But they said no, so I left it at that. Besides, it seems the holographic effect was well-received.

I like this size that I made. It’s really cute! Larger than your normal charm but not too huge. It’s almost like an Instax photo! - There was one customer who I found lives near me! I asked her if she wanted me to hand-deliver it to her in a public setting and she agreed (to my amazement). We finally met a few days ago and talked for hours and hours lol! I’m glad to have finally made a new friend here in this town but of course she’s moving away in two weeks. <:’3

We’re going to meet again to make the most of her time left. - I shipped the rest of the orders on the following Monday. I HAD to get these out. The poor guys have been waiting over a month! I think I picked a bad time to go because I had a huge line behind me and only one guy working. People in line were getting antsy or mad. The clerk at the other post office was super fast but not this guy…

For some reason shipping to the UK and Japan nearly doubled in price since the last time I checked. RIP. T_T - Omg I finally made a mistake. I wrote a letter to the wrong person. And the contents of that letter are too personalized!!! I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Screams!! Had to apologize to both customers too!!! Luckily they were good sports about it but I’m seriously kicking myself AAAAAAAA!!!! - The most rewarding part after sending all my babies away is seeing the commentary on my project. It is so so nice to receive positive feedback. People are happy! Happy with something I created out of thin air. Everything was worth it 1000 times over. I can die happy!

I’m especially thankful to those who show understanding for how much effort went into it. It definitely wasn’t easy and I poured way too many hours into it… not that I regret that.

I don’t want to jump the gun but I would really love to make a volume 2. Because I know I can do better than last time. New and improved art and comics! But we’ll see if I make enough pieces for another book. I was against printing 40 pages before but now I kind of like it. It feels more worth it than a 25-page zine. If i’m going though so much effort, might as well bring in the entire package.

I’ll be printing more of this volume for Aselia Con 2020. Now I know people will appreciate it.

#diary

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fresh-outta-jams · 6 years ago

Text

Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Part 7

Namjoon x Reader Author: Admin Mo Summary: When your soulmate tattoo shows up, an address, you figure it can’t hurt to send a letter, right? Warnings: Some swears, soulmate fluff Word Count: 2.1k

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, Epilogue

Namjoon’s letter arrived a few days after your first video call. You read it with a grin. You’d just got back from your classes. Any minute, your phone would ring with your daily call from Namjoon, as soon as he woke up, which meant you got to hear his husky morning voice and see his beautiful bare face.

The sudden buzzing sent your heart racing, and as quickly as your fingers would allow, you picked up the phone.

“You thought I would hate you for being RM?” You asked without so much as a greeting.

“Well good morning to you, too.” Namjoon chuckled. “Got my letter, huh?”

“You’re dodging the question.”

He let out a sleepy sigh that turned into a yawn. You watched the way it stretched his features, his eyes squeezing shut. God, he was so cute sometimes…

“So maybe I was a little afraid you would hate me. But can you blame me? You’re literally the coolest person on the planet, it’s no wonder you took it in stride. Anyone else...someone who had been an ARMY for a while, maybe…”

“I get it. That’s scary.” You nodded, setting him at ease. You weren’t mad at him for being afraid. You didn’t think you had it in you to be mad at him for that. “But, everything happens for a reason. There’s a reason I didn’t hear about BTS until recently. Thanks for the song recommendations, by the way, you dork.”

“Any time, darling.” He grinned. Your heart took a little leap forward. Until recently, pet names were sort of uncharted territory, they still were. So even this little one made in jest was enough to get your blood pumping. “What are your plans for the day?”

“Not much. I already finished classes, so I’ll probably just spend the rest of the night writing your letter.”

“Time zones…” Namjoon lamented. It did look a little dark outside your window…

“Time zones.” You agreed. “You’re living in the future, Joon. Your today is my tomorrow.”

“That’s deep.” He chuckled. “I sent out your Christmas present the other day. I was hoping you and I could do a video call and open them together once they both come in.”

“That’d be perfect. I sent yours out too, so it should be on the way there, but the US Postal Service is weird, so it might not get to you for a while.”

“I’m patient.”

“Good thing, too, or this whole thing wouldn’t have worked out.” You laughed, and so did he. Even though you had only been in immediate contact for a little while now, you couldn’t imagine going back to a world where you barely knew what he looked like. Now, however, you had an abundance of information about him ready at your fingertips.

“Hyunggggg,” whined a voice beside Namjoon. He continued saying something in Korean that you didn’t understand.

“It’s not my fault you stay up late playing video games.”

Oh, that must have been Namjoon’s roommate, Tae, you figured, upset that Namjoon was up so early making noise.

“Sorry about him. What were you saying?”

“It’s fine, Namjoon. Tell Tae I’m sorry for waking him up.”

“It’s okay, (Y/N)...” Tae mumbled from the next bed over, shifting and turning away from their fearless leader.

“So I’ve been watching all of your old music videos.” You grinned at the way his face paled, eyes widening. “It’s kind of fun watching little teenage Namjoon. You were what, like eighteen when you debuted?”

“Jeez, something like that, yeah. Ugh that’s so embarrassing.”

“You were still fine as hell, though.” Your face scrunched as you thought. “Well, after the mini-afro, maybe.”

Namjoon shook his head, making a noise of disbelief. “I still can’t get over the fact that you actually find me attractive.”

“Okay, but I’m not the only one, though. There are entire Facebook pages dedicated to your dimples. I joined like three of them the other day.”

“That’s ridiculous.” He laughed, showing them off. You swore, you almost swooned at the sight. “I’m really not that attractive.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re kidding me. Namjoon...I don’t know how to express this in words. You are the hottest human being I’ve ever laid my eyes on. When you’re performing, there’s just this leader energy about you and it is so sexy. And then there are those videos of you at fansigns and you are so frickin cute. I don’t even know what to do with you. You’re not allowed to be that cute and that hot simultaneously. It’s not fair.”

By the time you finished, your soulmate resembled a very flustered tomato, covering his eyes with his long fingers. “Stop…”

“Not until you realize how fine you are. I could go on and on about how much I like the way you’ve been parting your hair lately or how gorgeous you always look, even in the mornings like this when you don’t have makeup on and-”

“Okay, okay, I get it. It’s just...hard to believe things like that when it’s a literal goddess telling me.”

“Oh hush. I’m not-”

“You are. You are so, so gorgeous. All I can think about is kissing your perfect lips and running my fingers through your pink hair.” It was your turn to blush. “I seriously…” he huffed. “I really just need you in my life. I need to hold you. Like. Now. I need to hold you now. I think I’m going to die of (Y/N) deficiency at this rate.”

“Cheesy-ass dork.” You snickered, shaking your head.

Someone knocked on Namjoon’s door. When he looked up, Yoongi was coming through. “Breakfast is ready.”

“Thanks, hyung. We’ll be out in a second.” Namjoon told the shortest rapper, who nodded and left as quickly as he’d come. Namjoon looked at you, a longing look in his eyes. “I’ve gotta go, baby. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Have a good...right, it’s not morning there. Have a good night. Text me if anything interesting happens.”

“Will do. Have a good day, Joonie.”

And then you hung up, that familiar warm, yet empty feeling settling over your heart. You clicked your pen a few times, looking over the paper sitting in front of you. Recently, you’d purchased some nicer stationary with little crabs and seashells on them. You had yet to send Namjoon one of them, but you figured the purchase would encourage you to write fewer rough drafts.

You lowered the tip of the pen to the paper and the words started flowing.

***

“Dear Namjoon,

I had a very similar dream to yours. I was wrapped up in one of your sweaters. The sleeves hung past my fingers and I was baking Christmas cookies. And then you walked into the kitchen and I woke up. I’ve been trying to get back to that dream, though. It does, however, make me feel a lot better that it won’t stay a dream forever.

As you can see, I have enclosed a picture of myself from a Christmas party last year, something festive to make my Halloween picture a little less lonely. I expect a picture in return, as agreed upon.

I cannot wait to read your book. Send it whenever you’re ready for me to read it. As soon as I get off for break, I’ll have a bunch of time on my hands to work on it. Do you want edits or just feedback? I can do either. Or both. Whatever floats your boat. Ending books isn’t easy. It’s actually really hard. I think the key is to close the doors that make sense to, and leave the rest open. That way, there’s room for a sequel. It helps to read through everything again and make sure you didn’t leave any storylines hanging.

Also, after reading your letter and talking to you face to face every day since the first time, I can’t believe you were so nervous to tell me who you are. I mean, I can believe it. I get it. It’s tricky. You’re a worldwide superstar, a rising American heartthrob, if you will. I’m just a film student with no idea what she’s going to do with the rest of her life. Meanwhile, you’re filming music videos the likes of which I couldn’t even dream of creating. Spring Day’s MV seriously made me cry. The cinematography in it is so beautiful. The lighting, the colors, the song, your face...it seriously blew me away. Not to mention all of your other MVs.

I also watched some of JK’s Golden Closet Films, and I’d just like to ask: HOW? How does this boi...this BOI with no formal film education churn out something as beautiful as he always seems to? The editing, the skill, I just...wow. If you could ask him for some tips for me, I would be super grateful.

Talk to you soon,

-(Y/N)”

***

“Dear (Y/N),

I don’t think you were baking Christmas cookies in my dream. I don’t really remember all of the details. I’ve been trying to get back to it for the past few weeks, but I can’t seem to, unfortunately. I’ll keep you posted, though.

You should have warned me that you were going to send me the cutest picture on the whole planet. I love your Rudolph sweater. Does the nose light up? Also, is that your natural hair color??? You said you’d never had any crazy colors before pink, but I guess that doesn’t really apply to colors that could be deemed ‘natural’.

I have also attached a picture of myself. It was really hard to find one of me that isn’t already online, so I asked the other members for help and they managed to dig up that one that they had been saving to use for my birthday this year, but forgot. Consider it a sneak peek.

As far as my book-to-be goes, I would love edits and feedback. Really, whatever you think needs to be fixed, I will do it without a second question. After so many NaNoWriMos, you have to be a pro, right? I’ll email it to you. Mine is [email protected].

I think you forget that I’ve seen one of your film projects. I have. And it made my cry uncontrollably. It was beautiful and heart-wrenching and every other emotion I can think of. Though, to be fair, I didn’t have much to do with the production of the video. That would be our director, who has tons of experience in the field. All you need is time and then you’ll be cranking out masterpiece after masterpiece. That Oscar is right around the corner, baby, just you wait.

I asked Jungkook for some tips for you, and he said the key is to just keep playing with things until you like how they look. Play with the colors, the music, the speed, the cropping, whatever you want. Granted, he basically grew up in this industry, so it’s no wonder he’s so good at it.

I can’t believe Christmas is coming up so soon. Your last letter put me in a cookie mood, so if I put on weight because of it, I’m blaming you. Jin’s been trying out some recipes at my suggestion, and they’re all really good. His only request was that I stay the hell away from the kitchen. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m clumsy as fuck and I break and/or burn everything I touch. You have that to look forward to. Sorry jagiya.

Hope to hear from you soon,

-Namjoon”

***

Snow drifted down, covering your little city in white fluff, truly transforming it into a winter wonderland. Namjoon’s latest letter was between your fingers as you read it by the fireplace, a mug of cocoa sitting on the table beside you. At long, long last, you were home for Christmas. He’d told you in your phone call about a week ago that his tattoo had changed, and you’d had a mini heart attack before he read off the new one, only for you to discover it was your home address, where your parents lived.

So, you sat there, as cozy as you had been in a long, long time, wrapped in the softest sweater you owned, a warm blanket draped over your legs. Every once in a while, you would look up and imagine what it would be like to see Namjoon’s tall figure leaning against the doorframe to the den, mistletoe hanging over his head. Everything would be better if he was there, you decided. And yet, because of the miles and miles and miles stretched between you, you’d have to remain separate for at least a little while longer.

Your thoughts were only pulled from your warm thoughts of Namjoon when there was a knock at the door. When you opened it, it was all of your friends standing outside in the snow, wearing the ugliest Christmas sweaters they could find. You let them in with warm hugs and well-wishes.

“Merry Christmas, (Y/N).”

You smiled. “Merry Christmas...”

Tagged: @ffantasylandd, @jooniefluff, @chimchimsauce, @mrs-saeyoung-choi, @theprinceoftheundead, @angyexoxo, @copenhagenspirit, @lovelylittlekittn, @lilgaga98, @iminlovewjjk, @feed-my-geek-soul, @loveandwitch, @recoveringflowerchild, @demonic-meatball, @maddieisaacs, @scissorsandtonfas, @carirosesg, @backtonormalthings, @local-mochi, @faliwi, @spoopyela, @nanie5, @ingenu--e, @undiscovered1personality, @andalos, @calspixie, @filtermono, @fryedshiken, @mikey-girl12, @lilliaflurr, @hypophrenium, @sitkafay, @spiicyari, @andeerwilson

#kpopwonderlandtag #armyofwriters #namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon imagine #rm #rm x reader #rm imagine #bts imagines #bts imagine #soulmate au #bts soulmate au #signed sealed delivered

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satendou · 4 years ago

Text

⟼ roundabout

next: full circle | ½

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢ pairing: osamu/reader

⇢ au: aged up!au

⇢ summary: osamu leaves you and learns the hard way how much you meant to him

⇥ masterlist

⇢ warnings: angst, breakups, cheating

⇢ word count: 5794

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢ a/n: :)

“You’re telling me,” you said, leaning back against the counter as you stared at Osamu, “that you’re breaking up with me so you can get back with your ex? That’s the gist of this right?”

He looked off to the side, crossing his arms in front of him before nodding. Coward.

From the outside, anyone would think this was just another casual conversation. Dinner simmered on the stove beside you, the smell soured in the wake of his words.

“Look, ’m sorry. I didn’t mean--” he started, still inspecting the floor as if he were expecting it to offer support as he broke your heart, but you snorted, stopping him.

“You know, I don’t really think I wanna hear this. I mean, you didn’t mean to hurt me? Is that it? Miya, you can’t break up with someone for your fucking ex and expect it not to hurt,” you said, and the amusement in your voice shook him.

His usually lazy brown eyes were wide as he watched you turn your back to him, stirring the food before it burnt. You weren’t reacting the way he had thought you would, but then he supposed he hadn’t known what to expect when he came in planning to break up with you. He was ashamed to admit a part of him had hoped for tears, with you begging him to stay. Annoying him would have made it made it so much easier to walk out the door.

But your quiet acceptance was a blow he hadn’t prepared for, and it made him feel even scummier for doing it to you.

And he deserved that.

“You can get your stuff out, if you’re ready,” you said, turning the burner off. Covering it with a lid, you moved the pan off the coils and pulled out your phone, checking the time. Your best friend should have been home by then, and you texted her to tell her that you would be coming by. “I’ll leave for a while. I don’t wanna see you when I get home, so make sure you’re gone.”

The tightness in your chest increased as you slid your shoes on. It had only been thirty minutes since you got home and now you were leaving again. You refused to cry in front of him-- he didn’t deserve that from you.

There was a petty voice inside of him, itching to pick a fight as you gathered up your wallet and keys, hand on the doorknob before turning back to him. His chest felt like it was on fire, hands balled into fists at his side as he stood in the living room watching you. The way you acted so callously made him wonder if you even cared.

“You can leave your key on the table,” you said, gesturing vaguely towards the coffee table.

And then you were turning the doorknob and Osamu took a step forward, heart hammering as a question tumbled out of his mouth. It wasn’t a fair question and it was selfish, he knew that, but your coldness was killing him and he had to know.

“You don’t seem to care, _____. Did you even love me?”

Your laugh was cold and empty and the tears stung your eyes against your will, and when you turned back to look at him he finally saw the agony in your eyes.

“Of course I did. Did you?”

And just like that the door closed on him, on you, and on your relationship.

You hadn’t heard from him since that, so why was his name lighting up the notifications on your phone? You pondered that question as you stirred your coffee, trying to ignore the sting of hope in your chest as you read his text. It was...strange, like he was dancing around something under the pretense of being polite.

‘Hey, I know you probably don’t wanna hear from me but Atsumu mentioned you got that promotion at work, so I just wanted to congratulate you. I know how hard you worked for it.’

It was stiff and polite, all proper grammar and punctuation, so unlike how he usually was-- or rather-- how he used to text you. You quirked a brow, wondering what he would care for anyway.

Screenshotting it, you sent it to Atsumu and to your best friend, both with a thinking emoji.

Atsumu responded with a shrug, but you knew he knew more than he was letting on. He was clearly trying to keep something from you, but you ignored the urge to pester him about it. You were still trying to heal from the breakup and getting involved in Osamu’s business would do nothing to help.

Miyu, on the other hand, sent several unfriendly emojis and a particularly violent meme, asking what the hell his problem was, and you smiled. Turning back to the window, you set your phone down on the table and sipped your drink, enjoying the cloudless summer day.

Osamu looked at his phone for the umpteenth time as he sat across from Kana, who was buried in her own phone while she giggled, before locking it and setting it down on the table. He turned to watch the people bustle up and down the street, trying to ignore the dashed hope sitting like a rock in his gut.

The next text came a few days later while you were lounging in the tub, waiting for Miyu and your other friend Hanaka to show up for a girl’s night. They had been a source of immeasurable comfort over the last few months and you were beyond grateful.

Your phone dinged and you picked it up, expecting to see an arrival text, but once again Osamu’s name flashed, causing you to frown.

It was an apology text this time, for his previous text, and you opened it to read it in full.

‘Hey, I’m sorry about the other day. I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to message you. I’m the last person you want to hear from, and I know that, but you deserved that promotion. I hope you have a good night.’

Same stiff and formal text, and you pursed your lips before locking it again. You really should have just blocked his number but, even as your finger hovered over the button, you couldn’t bring yourself too. The irrational part of your brain liked that he was still thinking about you and the petty part just liked leaving him on read.

Later, when you were out of the tub and Hana was in the middle of painting your toenails, you brought it up, showing them the message.

“Trouble in paradise?” Hanaka snickered, carefully laying a french tip across your toe.

Miyu, on the other hand, snorted, glaring at the text on your screen. “Serves him right. We all knew Kana was a terrible person. I bet she’s cheating on him now and that’s why he’s texting you again.”

That thought made you frown, and Hana spoke up as she set your foot down on the floor again. “It isn’t your fault, _____. He made his decision, he has to live with it. I guess you should just consider yourself lucky that he broke it off with you before he did anything with her. I’ll give him credit for that.”

Miyu blew on her nails, her tone softer as she said, “Yeah, but he’s still an idiot. But I know that look, _____. You should be careful. Is he gonna run back to you and then leave you again the minute Kana begs him to come back?”

You had been hovering over the keyboard in his messages, considering a reply, but her words struck a chord in you and instead you locked your phone, muting it and putting the messages-- and Osamu-- out of your mind for the rest of the night.

Osamu sighed as he watched Kana getting ready to go out. She wandered around the bedroom in a sequined dress and heels, her hair done up and makeup applied, just hunting for her wallet.

She let out a triumphant noise when she located it and turned to look at Osamu, giving him a coy smile. “Bye, ‘Samu. Love you, don’t wait up.”

He hadn’t been invited out that night, and he checked his phone again, discovering a text from Atsumu inviting him to dinner with the Jackals, and he grabbed his jacket with a sigh.

You had left him on read again that night.

At work a few weeks later, you received a text from Atsumu, asking if you had decided if you were going to go to a party they were throwing in celebration of several people getting signed onto the national volleyball team. It was that weekend and you had yet to decide, knowing that Osamu and Kana were going to be there.

Hana peered over your shoulder at the text and hummed. “I...kinda think you should go. You shouldn’t distance yourself from the rest of them because of him. They’re your friends too.”

She was right. Of course she was right. They had been supportive of you after the breakup as well, with Sakusa even texting you-- because Atsumu and Bokuto told him to, of course-- that he didn’t want you to “leave the friend group” because of Osamu.

You sucked your lip between your teeth, nibbling the skin as you thought about it. As if you hadn’t been doing that for days anyway, mulling over the pros and cons of going but never reaching a solid decision. Ultimately, you locked your phone after telling him you would have a decision by the end of the night. It was the best you could do, and Hana returned to her own desk shortly after that.

You were in the middle of eating dinner when you received your third text from Osamu and read it with a mouthful of noodles.

‘You shouldn’t distance yourself from the others because of me. I won’t bother you, so tell Atsumu yes. He’s driving me insane.’

You couldn’t help but snicker at that, knowing Atsumu was still pissed about what happened between the two of you. He had called you not long after Osamu told him what he had done, going on a tirade about how his brother was a piece of trash and he was there if you needed to talk.

He could hear that you had been crying and his heart went out to you, but you had told him you needed to go. It had been a while before you looked at him without flinching or hanging up the phone after only a minute, and you had apologized profusely for it. But he understood-- one of the troubles with being a twin was when one was a bastard, the other got in trouble for it too.

You hadn’t held it against them when they forgave Osamu, though Atsumu assured you it was only after cold-shouldering him for a month to let him know they were not happy. None of them ever liked Kana, and had even thanked you when you seemed to revive Osamu after she left him the first time.

None of them could have guessed he would pull something like that on you, though.

Your fingers hovered over your keyboard before you finally replied with a simple thanks.

Osamu’s phone lit up and he glanced at it, his hands occupied with molding rice balls, and he almost dropped it back into the bowl when he actually saw your name on his phone.

It was only one word, but something in him eased when he saw it.

He smiled as the screen shut off again, then it fell as he remembered he was going to the party with Kana.

The evening of the party, you met up with Hanaka and Yuki outside the club. The team had gone to extremes, renting out a whole club for the party. The music was thumping when you got inside and with the lights down low, you could hardly make out anyone inside.

Yet somehow, Bokuto was still able to pick you out, calling your name loudly over the low beats and pushing his way through the crowd to pick you up in a strong hug. Hana and Miyu smacked his arms as he wrapped them up as well, then you were being led towards the open bar along the wall.

“I’m so glad you came, _____,” Atsumu yelled when he saw you with Bokuto. He was quick to pull you into a hug, kissing the top of your head. You could tell he had already been drinking and he was quick to fix up your favorite drinks, pushing them into your hands. “We’ve really missed you, you know?”

You had to yell to be heard over the music and gave it up after a few minutes, letting him and Bokuto guide you out onto the dancefloor. Pinned between Miyu and Hana, you let yourself get lost in the music and the sway of their bodies against yours. There were more people than you expected there and, when your drink ran out, you had to push your way through the crowd to get to the bar again.

The room was hot, the alcohol coursing through your body only serving to make you warmer. You passed Atsumu, who was wrapped around someone you had never met before. He smirked at you and you rolled your eyes.

As you made yourself a new drink, you casually looked around the club, taking in the familiar faces that you could actually make out. The flashing lights were wreaking havoc inside of your buzzed brain, everything taking on a fuzzy haze even when you tried to concentrate.

Your heart fell from your chest down into your stomach when you caught sight of Osamu making his way towards the bar.

He was looking over his shoulder at something and froze when he turned back around, locking eyes with you. His lips parted and you could see the surprise evident on his face, his lazy eyes widening a little more as his steps quickened.

Then he stopped. His whole demeanor changed, his eyes darkening as a frown marred his handsome features. You knew him well enough to recognize the guilt etched into his features, his shoulders hunching as he tried to sink in on himself. You gave him a little wave, your heart thumping in your chest.

In the weeks after the breakup, you had locked all the photos of him in a vault app and let Hanaka put the passcode on it to keep you out of it. When she asked why you didn’t just delete them, you expressed a hope that one day you would be able to look back on them without hurting, and you would know then that you were healed. She seemed to understand and her nails tapped the screen of your phone as she input a password.

Not seeing his face and not thinking about him had obviously dulled your memories because the sight of him felt like a punch to the gut.

If you thought he was surprised before, it was nothing compared to how he looked when you actually waved at him. Your heart was pounding, blaming the alcohol on your reaction. If you expected him to take that as permission to approach, you weren’t sure if you were relieved or upset that he didn’t.

He hovered in the space between you, looking between you, the bar, and the crowd. Your anxiety eased the longer it remained between you, relief overwhelming the unwanted hope that bubbled in your stomach. Clearly he meant it when he said he wouldn’t bother you, and you gave him another small wave before disappearing into the crowd with your drink.

He watched you go with a forlorn expression, guilt eating at his insides all over again, but he was happy that you seemed well enough. You had acknowledged him, which was the last thing he had expected after the cold goodbye you left him with that night.

“Osamu,” a voice said from behind him, and he turned to look at Kana behind him. She was stunning as usual, her hand warm on his arm. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head in answer, glancing at where you had disappeared amidst the gyrating bodies. If Kana knew that you were here and that Osamu had seen you, she would get extremely pissy and jealous, which was the last thing he felt like dealing with. On top of that, he knew that Kana would go out of her way to find you. She was spiteful like that, even though you had done nothing to either one of them.

“Nothin’, babe. Just got a little dizzy. I’ll get yer drink, just go back to the table,” he said, pulling his arm from her grasp. If she noticed how cold he was, she said nothing about it as she returned to the group-- of her friends.

None of his friends had joined them and, since you were in the middle of them, he couldn’t either. As much as he wanted to be with them, he would keep his promise to you, keeping out of your way to let you have fun.

With one last glance around, he returned to his table to find Kana and most of the others gone. The ones that were left kept glancing from him to the dancefloor and whispering.

He sighed and picked up the drink, downing it on one long breath before falling back against the booth seat. Staring into his now empty glass, he wondered about all the choices he made up until then.

You woke up the next morning with a wicked hangover, the room still spinning even after several hours of sleep. Rolling over to pick up your phone, you found there were a dozen text messages from the others, the group chat blown up with praise from the party and complaints about their hangovers that morning, but that wasn’t what caught your attention.

There were a series of texts from Osamu and your eyebrows raised higher and higher as you read them, your heart hammering away in your chest.

‘i know i keep texting u nf i don’t jnoq wh y’ ‘u look e d goo tonogjt’ ‘it’s funny’ ‘i thin kksna is cheating on m e’ ‘not that u shuld care right’ ‘atymi thunks im an idipt anf he’s right’

‘i miss you’

The timestamps between the first five and the last one was almost an hour’s difference and you were just starting to process them when another text slid in. It was short, just one word, but it spoke volumes in the emptiness of your bedroom.

‘sorry’

You stared at it for a while longer, just processing everything you were feeling. There was a raging pain where your heart beat, threatening to come out of your chest every time it hit your ribs. You couldn’t think clearly, too many thoughts swirling, making your head throb in time with your heart. What had you done to deserve any of the things that had happened, were still happening to you?

You should’ve just blocked his stupid number because you wouldn’t be dealing with the confusing pain his drunken messages brought. A part of you wanted to believe him-- a part you considered stupid but were unable to ignore. The Osamu you had known, had loved-- still loved, much as you wanted to deny it-- seemed to come out in those texts, and that was a dangerous thing.

Groaning, you rolled over onto your back, reading over the texts again. You were balancing on a tightrope of emotions, dangerously close to giving into the desire to reply.

The typing bubbles showed up again, stopping and starting and stopping again for almost a minute. You held your breath, wondering what he was typing.

‘i’m sorry. i keep messaging you even though i told ya i’d leave ya alone. but i can’t help it. ik what i did was stupid and whta i’m doing now is even dumber but dammit’

You locked your phone even as the bubbles popped up again to roll out of bed, hearing it ping from amidst your blankets as you stumbled towards the bathroom. Your ears were ringing, your head was throbbing, and now your heart was pounding with nerves. You dug through your medicine cabinet for aspirin, listening to your phone go off for a third time.

You couldn’t handle it, whatever he was doing or trying to do, leaving your phone on your bed as you went to the kitchen. Starting up a pot of coffee, you hovered over the sink, sitting somewhere between throwing up and not. You startled yourself when a sob ripped from between your lips.

Sinking down to the floor, you leaned back against the cabinets, wrapping your arms around your knees as you cried. Your tears spilled over your arms and ran down your legs, your nose stuffing up and running. It was several long minutes before you finally quieted, the sound of the coffee pot beeping filling the silence that followed. Your ears were ringing again as the room spun, the nausea from earlier welling up tenfold with the increase in your headache, and you ran to the bathroom.

“Goddammit,” you muttered, your sinuses on fire. After rinsing your mouth out with water, you gulped down a second glass, staring at your disheveled appearance in the mirror. “What should I do?”

You were not about to get in between whatever was going on with Osamu and Kana, but the soft spot you still harbored for him was almost too loud to ignore. Digging your phone out from your sheets, you found 2 more texts from him.

‘i know i don’t deserve your forgiveness. i don’t know what to do’ ‘i don’t know what i want from this but please’

You groaned and unlocked your phone, holding your head in your hands as you stared at the screen. Tears stung your eyes again, your mouth dry as you typed your reply back and then called Hana.

‘I’m sorry, Osamu. I can’t help you.’

You still didn’t block him after that. The part of you that still cared was worried for him and you wanted him to be able to reach you if he actually needed you. After making Hana promise not to tell anyone else what he had said in his texts, you talked it out, explaining the myriad of feelings that were impossible to sort out. She praised you for being strong and not giving into him, remind you he had made the decision to leave you, not the other way around.

You had cried some more before then deleted the thread of messages again, unable to stand the temptation to look at them again. Things were, for lack of a better word, fine after that. You settled back into your post-Osamu routine, trying not to dwell on his pitiful messages or be reminded of him by mundane things. Atsumu didn’t mention anything new happening, so you assumed he was still with Kana.

A month after that fiasco, he hadn’t texted you again. Some nights you laid awake, staring at your ceiling, trying to ignore the hope that he would and the temptation to message him first. Whatever Kana was or wasn’t doing to him or behind his back wasn’t your problem or your concern, and you had to keep telling yourself that as you set your phone down on the nightstand that night.

Rolling over onto your side, you stared out the window through the small gap in the curtains, a small beam of moonlight filtering through and highlighting the empty side of the bed. If you closed your eyes, you could picture Osamu there, scrolling through his phone and laughing before showing you whatever it was. He always smelled so sweet and warm, like the confections he baked at his restaurant and you reached out to touch his pillow. It no longer smelled like him after so many months and a few tears fell, soaking into your own as you recalled how he would look at you. It was always filled with so much softness and warmth before he would pull you in close, resting his chin atop your head.

You didn’t even realize you had fallen asleep until there was a loud noise from somewhere in the apartment, causing you to jerk up into a sitting position, staring blearily at your door. Your eyes stung from your earlier crying, your skin still sticky from laying on your wet pillow. You rubbed at them while another round of knocking rang through the unit.

Suddenly nervous, you tiptoed down the hall towards your front door, pausing until a voice came amidst another flurry of knocking.

“_____, please, let me in. I--I need ya.”

It was Osamu, and the whole room spun in the dark as you stood staring at the door, unable to process the whole situation. Your pulse was thundering in your ears, your fingers and toes going numb as panic shot through you.

There was more knocking, gentler this time, and then a soft thump.

You stumbled towards the door and swung it open, causing Osamu-- who had apparently let his head fall to the door-- to pitch forward, stumbling into your apartment.

“What are you doing here?” you whispered, watching him catch himself from falling. He stood up straight and ran his hands through his hair, eyes wide and frantic in the soft light from the hallway.

“I don’t know. I didn’t know where else to go-- Kana confessed to cheatin’ finally and I left and just-- ended up here,” he said, falling to the couch. You turned on the light and stood there, uncomprehending.

“You could have gone to Atsumu’s or-- or Bokuto’s or-- literally anywhere else,” you said, still standing by the lightswitch.

Osamu groaned, raking his fingers through his hair again before lacing his fingers behind his head. His face was hidden in his arms, knuckles white with tension. “I know, I know but I-- I know it’s fucked up but I wanted to see you.”

The room fell into silence again, punctuated by Osamu’s heavy breathing while you lifted a hand to your mouth, staring first at him then down at your feet.

“Osamu, please, I can’t--” you whispered, and his head snapped up to look at you.

There was agony in his eyes as he tugged at his hair, standing up. You stepped backwards and met the wall as he advanced on you, hands raising as he came to stand in front of you, cupping your face. “I know, I know it isn’t fair. But I need ya to believe how much I missed ya. I made a mistake and I don’t know if I can ever make it up to ya. But you are the best thing that’s ever happened ta me, and I know that now. I should have known before, and ‘m sorry.” Tears were spilling down your cheeks as you stared up at him, lips parted as you sniffled, and he pressed on. “I’ve been thinking about ya everyday for months. Everything Kana did, I compared to you. How she dressed, how she cooked, how she talked, I couldn’t help it--”

“Then why did you leave? Why did you cheat on me with her, if you thought so highly of me?” you whispered. His thumbs rubbed at the tears, wiping them away slower than they were falling. You sounded so confused and hurt, shrinking in on yourself as he crowded you against the wall. He didn’t care if you kicked him out and told him to never bother you again, so long as he never had to see you like that again.

His throat closed up and he just stared, taking you in. Even crying, even hurting because of him, you were beautiful. Every time he thought of you, it was the image of you walking out of the door and his life, eyes cold and devoid of the love you had once looked at him with.

“Because I’m an idiot. I know I am, I knew it the instant I let ya walk out the door. But I was too stupid, too damn prideful ta ask ya to forgive me. And I’m a selfish bastard for asking ya now, but I can’t stop thinkin’ about ya,” he whispered, his hands sliding back into your hair. He tilted your head further back, eyes dipping down to your parted lips, but refrained from the intense urge to kiss you. He couldn’t, not until you said he could. “I’ll work everyday to make ya trust me again, I swear it, _____. I’ll prove to ya I love ya, just-- please*.”

“I--” you whispered, wrapping your hands around his wrists. Did you want to push him away or pull him closer? The two sides warred with each other, causing you to just stand there in confusion as you stared up at him. His rich brown eyes were glittering, and you searched for any sign of dishonesty in them, but all you found were tears. “I don’t know, ‘Samu. What happens if Kana comes back? If she says she wants you again? How can I trust that you won’t do this to me again*?”

He was already shaking his head, black locks flouncing with the movement, his hand tightening on your cheeks. Panic warred with hope in his chest as he moved impossibly closer, pressing his body to yours as he said, “I promise, I promise, I won’t. I’m done with ‘er. I told ya, I’ve not stopped thinkin’ about ya since I left. I thought-- I thought things would change once I settled down with ‘er but-- they didn’t. Even when things were...okay, it was always you. Maybe that’s why she cheated on me, I don’t know. It doesn’ matter ta me anymore, she can do what she wants. All I want is you.”

All your thoughts were swirling and colliding inside your head, overwhelmed by everything he was saying. Osamu was begging for your forgiveness, looking at you with such raw need and hurt that you couldn’t stop hope from blooming in your chest. But you tamped it down, not yet letting it take root. You couldn’t, wouldn’t let yourself fall victim to it yet, not when you were still so unsure.

Reading the indecision in the way you looked away from him, he whispered, “I know it’ll take time, and I’m willin’ to earn ya back, I swear I am. But if ya don’t want to, I’ll understand. I’ll walk out that door right now and never bother you again.”

“You mean it? If I tell you to get out, you’ll go?” you asked, watching the pain flare up in his eyes, washing the hope away. His shoulders slumped and he nodded, his hands slipping free of your hair. The way he backed away from you, looking so lost, caused your heart to thump and you stepped forward, closing the distance again. “Osamu, I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay, please. At least for tonight, I want--”

I want to be wrapped up in your arms tonight, I want you to love me the way you did before, I want you, you thought, finally letting that hope blossom in your heart. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe you would change your mind tomorrow, maybe he would change his mind tomorrow, but right then and there it didn’t matter.

Even if it’s only one last time.

He groaned and dragged you forward, crushing you to his chest and enveloping you in his arms. The familiar smell of confections filled your nose and your legs trembled as he dragged you down the hall to the bedroom while you clung to him, hiding your face in his shirt as your heart raced. If it was a mistake to let him stay, then you were willing to pay the price come the morning, but it felt right as he fell to the bed with you.

He pulled you to his chest, pressing your nose into the column of his throat as he hid his face in your hair. It remained silent between the two of you, the only sound in the room the creaking of the ceiling fan and your quiet breathing as you processed each other’s presence.

“Will you be here in the morning?” you whispered when it grew to be too much. “If-- If she* messages you, are you going to leave?”

Your heart skipped a beat when he pulled away and stared down at you.

He took in your pale face in the faint moonlight, features pinched and drawn, eyes bright with fear. He rolled over onto his back and pulled you forward onto his chest, arm wrapping tight around your waist to keep you there. Into the dark, he whispered, “I know ya won’t believe me right now, but I’ll be here when ya wake up. I’ll go get my stuff from her place and go stay with ‘Tsumu while I figure out how I’m goin’ ta win ya back. I won’t let ya down again, _____.”

You continued to stare through the small gap in the curtains, listening to his heart beat erratically in your ear. You wanted to believe his words, wanted to believe you would wake up in his arms tomorrow morning, and hesitantly let yourself relax. It was a gamble, you knew that, in the same way you knew that if he was gone, you would fall apart all over again.

It was a stupid risk, but as your eyes closed, you let yourself believe in him, just one more time.

He felt your breathing even out and carded his fingers through your hair as he stared up at the ceiling, holding your head to him as his heart filled with hope. He would prove he meant it, he would earn you back, and he would never, ever* put what he had with you at risk again. Rolling back onto his side, you tried to squirm away only to be pulled back into his arms. Unwilling to let you go, he chuckled when you grumbled before curling into him once more

He sighed as his eyes closed, soaking in the warmth and letting the familiar smell of you envelop him as he fell asleep. Tomorrow you might change your mind, so he would hold you close while he could and let himself hope before it was ripped away from him for the final time.

⇥ masterlist

⇥ taglist: @sluttony, @visaintes, @yunhosblackgf, @super-noya, @byebyes-world, @newfriendjen, @atsunakaashi

#osamu x reader #osamu miya x reader #miya osamu x reader #haikyuu x reader #tw alcohol #.roundabout

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aviationfiction · 7 years ago

Text

XXVI

Dante St. James

“Your total today is five thousand four hundred and thirty two dollars and forty cents. How will you be paying sir?” I passed my American Express Centurion card off to the Apple sales technician while doing my best to concentrate on the e-mail I’d opened up on my phone.

I achieved what I deemed to be the impossible by signing on Apple for the sake of collaborative work in public relations and marketing. Over the course of three days of grueling meetings with Tim Cook and a team of seven other executives, where I did far more listening than speaking, I presented arguably one of the best business proposals of my career in hopes of even having a narrow chance to work with the number one hardware company on the globe. Unlike anything I’ve ever dealt with before, I allowed them to pick apart every line, bullet point, concept, and strategy I mapped out for a time frame of five to seven years. Aside from internet fodder that anyone has access to and can speculate about, I’ve never been behind the scenes or apart of any of their immensely classified meetings for their highly renounced products so there was quite a bit of improvisation meshed in with a ton of research I’d done to pull together this vision for sole dominance in every promotional avenue possible. I’d always known Apple to be a easygoing company in terms of approach and marketing style, but the pensive expressions on their pale faces left three days worth of sweat beads trickling among my neck. I never expected the applause, smiles, handshakes, and even welcoming hugs I received once we were in agreement about figures and myself being the sole partner and consultant for the account on the A&M side. In two weeks, I’m heading out to their new multi billion dollar campus headquarters in Cupertino, California for an official welcome and tour of the state of the art facility.

“Would you like your receipt e-mailed to you, printed, or both?”

“Uh. Both, I guess.” I used my finger to sign my signature on the digital receipt and quickly responded to yet another one of Mike’s text messages summoning me to the nightclub. It was the third one he sent within the last half an hour so I have no choice but to rush over there. I’d already been on my way but decided to stop once I drove past an Apple store. I haven’t physically been with Autumn since the morning after my birthday celebration and that was eight days ago. That morning, we were playfully fondling one another and she dropped her iPad on the marble flooring in my apartment and shattered the screen. Though she shrugged it off and mumbled that she’d replace it at some point, I made a mental note to grab her another one whenever I passed by one of the simplistic yet easily noticeable stores in the city. While here, I remembered her saying she left her laptop in Miami so I had Megan, the sales tech, add in the latest Macbook Pro with the iPad Pro I’d already picked out. Of course, she wouldn't be a great saleswoman without finessing me into grabbing the Apple Pencil for the tablet, Apple Care for both products, and additional physical protective accessories.

“Well, here’s your receipt Dante. Thank you so much for shopping at Apple today.”

“Thank you. I appreciate your service. You were a great help today Megan.”

“You’re so very welcome.” I stuck the receipt down into the bag and pulled the strings on it until it was sealed while making my way out of the store and over to my Aston Martin. I didn’t have a chance to rest in the seat and get my seat belt on before Mike was sending over another text message pondering about my whereabouts and what was taking me so long. Just as I was about to laugh off his urgency as him being purposefully dramatic, his follow up message about Issac Dupont showing up caught me off guard and left me riddled with confusion as I took off into the traffic filled New York City streets. Over this week of being apart, Autumn and I spoke a few times through FaceTime and phone calls, but for these past three days of meetings our few text messages back and forth turned into silence on both ends as I became consumed in trying to close that Apple deal and her with taking on the role of planning Meridian’s annual Christmas party. I can recall just about every word of every conversation we’ve held over the week and aside from the Christmas party, she never mentioned Isaac so his pop up is certainly nothing more or less than random.

“Come on taxi driver.” A huff slipped past my lips while I watched him move at a snails pace to get back into the passenger seat of the mustard yellow vehicle and drive off. I’d been driving fifteen minutes longer than I should have been just to get to Chelsea. Rush hour would be starting in another two hours and yet traffic is already hell. It’s times like this when Mike’s persuasive rants about why I should buy a house in New Jersey enters my subconscious but when I add in the reality of myself living in such a large space alone just like he is, I toss his idea out of the imaginary window yet again. I have Marv for those days when my patience for these streets are thin.

My car replaced the taxi driver’s in the usual spot I park in when I’m at the restaurant or club and I swiftly exited the vehicle. While adjusting my tie, I tossed the bag full of Apple products into the trunk of the car and disappeared behind the upper level golden door. As soon as I descending down the stairs, I spotted Issac standing at the bar with a glass of what I could tell was nothing more than juice and an expression of frustration written all over his face. Mike was no where in sight and that within itself was odd. He’s a people person and on any other day, he wouldn’t dare leaving anyone standing alone within our establishments if they were here to speak to Fredrick or myself. Something had to have been said or the vibe must have completely threw him off to the point of him needing to walking away.

“I’m not sure how long you’ve been waiting for me, but I’d just gotten out of a business meeting and I had something else to handle before I could make it over here. My apologies for the wait Isaac.” He nodded instead of acknowledging my sentiments verbally. His hand gripped the cocktail glass to the point of the tips of his fingers reddening and the tension radiating from his frame caused both of my eyebrows to rise in curiosity.

“You’re screwing my sister.” I’d pictured this moment in my head in multiple different scenarios but overall, I didn’t picture it happening one on one, nor with this type of response and yet I have no fear, hesitance, or doubt about myself or what I have with Autumn. If anything, I’m far more offended by what he assumes to be going on and how he’s belittled it to me using her for sex.

“Did she tell you that? I have to ask because if she did, I doubt she said it in such a shrewd and inaccurate manner.” Autumn’s the only person who I could assume would have told him about our relationship. No one on my end knows Isaac well enough to approach him with such information and despite his stares and what ideas he may have been concocting in that head of his, we’ve never done anything in front of him that pointed out what I believe is now the obvious. Autumn doesn’t speak to me in front of him unless he coerces her to do so and when she does, she refuses to make eye contact. Though it irritates the living hell out of me, she still references to me by last name in front of him, and we don’t communicate with one another on his company’s grounds. I considered sending her flowers just yesterday and I had to stop myself because there was a possibility that she would have either been flustered by such a risk or she would have been livid.

“Page Six. There was an article written about her that came out this morning. You know, though she may be in denial about it, people know who Autumn is. Whether she likes it or not, she has that cliche basketball wife title lingering over her head and it’ll be there forever. In the article it speaks about her being spotted around with a mystery man who she’s been seeing for months. In addition to that, it speaks about her being spotted leaving this nightclub hand in hand with said mystery man after his birthday festivities. Though the mystery man’s name isn’t mentioned, it is noted that he is said to be a wealthy and successful New York City business man. Based upon your file, your birthday was a few days ago right?” The glass rattled as it landed on the golden surface and splashes of it’s contents splattered around it.

“It was.” I slid my hands down into the pockets of my pants and my eyes narrowed at the way he was introducing this situation. I don’t read gossip sites. I don’t keep up with anyone’s business but my own and those around me and that’s to a certain extent. Sure, I’ve had articles written about me and there may have been a few on Page Six given that I’m a nightclub owner, but gossip? Never. Stacey would have told me. Surprisingly, I can’t believe I’m hearing this from him first. I don’t give a shit either way. Whether mystery man or Dante Elliott St. James is written all over the article, it doesn’t deter me from my everyday life and most of all, my woman.

“I’ve watched you and the manner in which you stare at her. I’ve questioned the random lies Rachel would tell me. Autumn’s budget reports from every trip taken would never make much sense but I sat on it and decided not to jump to conclusions although I should have.”

“Autumn and I grew close to one another and developed a bond that was not only undeniable, but also special. We didn’t expect to fall for one another but it happened. I believe that’s typically how natural attraction and acting on said attraction works. We got to know one another and in doing so, we continuously gravitated towards one another. Eventually that developed into the both of us wanting to be in a relationship.”

“A relationship?” His condescending laughter filled the space like something out of a movie. In all that he’d already said, I couldn’t exactly pinpoint what his anger was about and how he was going to go about handling it. His words don’t faze me, but the tension between he and Autumn affects her no matter how much she tries to brush it off as typical sibling friction. “Autumn just got a fucking divorce and you’re talking to me about a relationship with her. You have to be kidding me.”

“She got a divorce from a man that she wasn’t with for two years prior to the divorce. What’s your point?”

“I don’t think you know the details of Autumn and her poor choices in how she got into that marriage, what she gave up for that sham of a marriage, and the behaviors that she had while within what ended up being nothing more than bullshit.”

“I know everything.” I’m confident that there’s nothing he can say to me that she hasn’t already explained. She’s gone into detail about she and Andreas’ marriage in an approach that I never thought she would do it in. No woman has ever shared the inner workings of the former relationships or current relations with me in such a manner, not even Stacey. She took a raw approach and allowed me into the six years of her life she spent with and without him in such a vivid manner that I was left sympathetically wallowing in her sorrows and yet still trying to figure out how he could give up on someone who stood by and believed in him and them despite the toxicity of their union. I know enough to hear the pain within her voice lingering in my mind as I stare at her only living sibling who refuses to relinquish the pain of the past and move forward in a positive manner.

“Then what the hell are you doing?”

“Issac, I’m lost. What are you getting at?”

“She’s your flight attendant. Do you realize that?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t mean to shrug my shoulders so nonchalantly. It happened out of a reflex and that seemingly set him off even more.

“She doesn’t have shit going for herself. This is what I’ve spoken about with Autumn multiple times and she refuses to get it. She’s reckless, impulsive, erratic, and she lives her life in the moment. I should have known that she would do this shit once she started working for you because that’s just who she is. Instead of getting her life together, now she’s with you and you’re financing her. That’s not helping Autumn grow. You’re enabling her to be everything that she was with him and that resulted in her being a failure in so many aspects. You want that on your hands?” He’d officially put me into a maze and I was mentally trying to figure out every direction to take without insulting this man and yet every fiber of my being was in defense mode for all that he had to say about a relationship he knows nothing about and the woman that the both of us loves. Love makes this far more complicated than I need it to be because I can’t figure out a boundary.

“I’m not enabling anything. What is it with you and your negative outlook on everything that she does? Why are you so affected by the decisions that she chooses to make for her life? How is any of it hurting you? The past is the past. She’s no longer married and she’s moving on with her life. You have to allow her to do that in whatever capacity that she chooses to do so. You’re treating her and speaking on her as if she’s just gotten out of prison after committing a heinous act. She’s not a criminal Issac. She’s a human being that made very human choices. She’s doing so much better and I believe you know that, but you’re holding a grudge against her so this is how you’re getting back at her I suppose.”

“I’m not getting back at her. I want what’s best for her.”

“And you think I don’t?”

“You don’t know her.”

“By the way you’re speaking about her I’m more prone to believe that currently, I know her better than you do. This isn’t a competition for me by the way. She’s your sister. We play two different roles in her life and much like yourself, I only want and encourage Autumn to be and have the best. The progression that she’s made as a person is nothing less than incredible and you should be proud of her. The manner in which she handles her job and the way she respects the dignity of your company should tell you how much she loves and respects you. She’s precise, a quick thinker, and extremely intelligent. I don’t even think she recognizes how intelligent she truly is. I’m not enabling anything because she won’t allow me to do it nor will she allow you all to do it. I’ve spoken with your mother and one of the things she spoke with me about is how stubborn and headstrong Autumn is about getting her life together on her own terms without handouts from anyone. If she’s not letting you all get in the way of that, what makes you think she’s going to allow me to do so? She’s happier. She’s laughing more and living her life. She’s lost so much and she’s pushing forward. Give her a pat on the back for it. Why the hell would you continuously kick her down?”

“You said it yourself, my mother described her as stubborn and headstrong. Shane was always the one to enable the parts of Autumn that are erratic and all over the place while I was the one who pushed for her to stay focused on what matters.”

“And her being happy personally doesn’t matter?”

“It’s secondary.”

“That’s not for you to determine. That’s also a fucked up way of thinking, by the way.”

“What’s for me to determine is her working for me and being romantically involved with a client which is inappropriate. I’ve dealt with tons of unnecessary drama because of bullshit like that and the last person I want to deal with that from is my sister.”

“You’re not going to deal with that on this end because my personal life is exactly that. No offense to you, but I don’t see a reason to involve you or anyone else in it. Our work situations are irrelevant. I’m not stepping on your toes or hers. If she quit today, that wouldn’t change anything. I’m not out to hurt or make a fool out of your sister. I’m not that guy. I’m not Andreas either and right now, you’re speaking to me like I’m him.” Autumn’s purposeful distance from her family and their lack of truly getting to know her ex-husband has left all of them with resentment towards him that they’ve never been able to express to the person responsible for it. Though Autumn believes Isaac anger is all in reference to what she didn’t do professionally and her lack of attendance at his wedding, I know the majority of it is pent up emotions towards the man who hurt her in so many ways for so long. I’d feel the same way if I had a sister and she unraveled mentally and physically because of pain being inflicted upon her. Unfortunately, I cannot resolve those issues for any of them. All I can do is be an upstanding man for Autumn and take care of her in the manner that the guy before me didn’t.

“You’re not Andreas, but you’re coming too soon after Andreas.”

“That’s not for you to determine Isaac.” My shrug was intentionally this time. He cannot speak for her and I’m not going to allow him to. This is no Romeo and Juliet, forbidden love story.

“Is it that good?” He stood up straight and my condescending snicker eventually turned into a deep frown as his question replayed in my head.

“This is your sister we’re speaking about right now. Show her some respect.”

“Show me some respect.”

“I’m respecting you by entertaining a conversation that we technically don’t need to be having. Despite how you may feel or what you do or don’t want, I don’t have to ask for your permission to be in a relationship with Autumn. I don’t even have to ask you for her hand in marriage if that should come about between she and I. I’d like for you and I to get along as professionals and personally as well, but it’s not on me at this point. There’s no hostility on my end and I doubt there ever will be, unless it’s necessary. I love your sister and I’d rather not hear some type of if I love her, I’ll let her go and allow her to get her life together type of ultimatum because that’s not going to happen. Her life is together. She’s breathing, living, and progressing at her own pace. Whether that is or isn’t good enough for you, that’s perfect for me.”

“You love her?” I don’t know if my eyes deceived me when I noticed a bit of the tension in his shoulders loosening or if it was simply my emotions being in overdrive about a genuine truth I admitted to Isaac before I expressed it to the woman of my affections. I had to let it out one way or another and I didn’t want him to leave here today thinking anything less than that.

“I love her.”

Silence loomed between the two of us and our staring match didn’t falter as we remained in the same spots we’d been in throughout the entire exchange. There seemed to be nothing more to say and Issac proved that to be true when he grabbed the glass filled with cranberry juice, tossed all of it back into his throat as if were the most potent shot we serve, and walked past me to make his exit. As I began my walk to the office, I could hear the door close behind him and the tension he filled into the place left with him.

“What did he say to you?” Mike didn’t bother turning to face me. He was focused on the security monitors in front of him and whatever he was concentrated on was far more important than him turning to face me with silly banter or our usual manner of greeting one another.

“What?”

“You usually stick around if we have someone coming in for a meeting if Fredrick and I aren’t here yet. You’re courteous. What happened?”

“I wasn’t texting you about Issac Dupont being here. He just so happened to show up so I let you know. I also didn’t stick around with him because I was consumed with this shit. I had to come back in here to make sure I saw what I saw. Have you heard about or seen this shit?” He finally up glanced at me.

“Seen what?”

“This shit from the night of your birthday.” His finger tapped a button to rewind footage from the outdoor camera and he quickly stopped on a specific time frame. “You know I tend to go through the footage just to make sure things are flowing correctly and to catch whatever I wasn’t able to see while being consumed with whatever is happening in the moment. This shit threw me off. Look at this and tell me what you see.”

He pressed play and my stomach instinctively tightened at the sight of my brother and Autumn being within inches of one another. A force within me caused me to lean forward to get a better look at the monitor and I watched as he spoke to her. There was no way possible that I’d be able to make out what he was saying because the camera wasn’t zoomed in enough. Though I cannot read lips from a side profile, I could easily sense whatever was pouring out of his mouth was insolent because that’s all he knows how to be.

“Rewind it just a few seconds.” Mike did as I instructed and I watched Autumn flinch. She flinched at least twice. “Rewind it again.”

She flinched three times and took a step forward to create space between their bodies as she responded to him. Matthew invaded her space within a second of her moving and fury filled my core as I watched his fingers trail up the back of her thigh.

“You seen that shit right?”

“Rewind it again.” I watched it over and over again; at least eight times to take in every single minute, second, and millisecond of the man that is supposed to be my brother, intimidating and sexually harassing my woman. She’d gone from flinching, to frowning, to a chilling blank stare as she froze in place in reaction to his fingers igniting a fear within her.

“Dante…”

“Rewind it.”

I tortured my mind once more; further worsening the vexing of my being. What I felt was like anything I’d ever experienced before. I could feel a fire flushing through my veins and viciously creeping up every inch of spine, as the acidity residing in my stomach awaited the moment for me to allow it to flow out of my mouth by the way of a verbal attack. Every muscle in my face tightened in unison with my jaw and lastly, my fists balled to the point of aching as I glanced at Mike.

“Take a ride with me.”

Mike’s words of rationality were on deaf ears as I tried to the best of my ability not to test out the two hundred mile per hour speed maximum my car has the capability of doing to quicken the drive to Richard and Elizabeth’s Scarsdale, New York home. Between the traffic on the Bronx River Parkway and the sound of my horn irritating me far more than it did the drivers I was trying to rush out my way, the rage within me worsened beyond my control and was far beyond whatever influence to calm down Mike could get into my irrational mind.

“Dante!”

I didn’t bother with properly parking the car as I snatched the key out of the ignition and slid out of the drivers side. I left Mike to fend for himself.

For the first time in all of the years they’ve had their home, I used the key I’d been given to open up the door. The first person in my line of view was my mother and her olive green eyes lit up in glee at the sight of my presence.

“Hi sweetheart.”

“Where the fuck is he?” Her gleam dimmed instantly and confusion filled her expression as I brushed past her to find the source of my wrath.

“Who?”

Richard’s laughter from the kitchen gave away their location and my heart thrashed against my chest as my lungs tightened because of the pace I’d chosen to move in. Matthew’s position was on a stool at the kitchen’s island and I didn’t bother with any words as my fist connected with his jaw. I lost the ability to have visuals and detection of my surroundings. My mind strayed from the capability to exude logic and reasoning in my actions. The adrenaline within my frame heightened and the mission of my hands and feet was to destroy the source of my outrage. The piercing screens of the woman who birthed me and the stern voice of the man who helped her did nothing to stop the blows I was inflicting upon him and the few he was landing on me in self-defense and retaliation. I’d had many moments over our years of growing up together when I wanted to do nothing more than throw a punch in his direction for his bullshit and there were a few times during my pre-teen years when I actually wanted him to beat me down one good time so he’d finally get those resenting emotions out and be done with it. Though the spats were often and the violence was non-existent, I quietly knew one day it would happen. I could never pinpoint exactly when nor what it would be over, but of all the opposing things that have been said and done between the two of us, him violating Autumn supersedes all of it.

“Dante stop it!”

I could taste my own blood as it gushed from the inside of my mouth and rather than that being the signal to end the onslaught of blows, I spat it on him in hope that such a disrespectful gesture would further entice him to continue warring with me.

“That pussy must be phenomenal.” He could barely let out his laughter through his rigged breathing and I took a chance on my harshly aching hand. He avoided one fist only to collide with another and a black haze hovered over me as our bodies crashed into the island and glass went shattering.

Richard’s arms were tightly wrapped around my body; just about cutting off my air supply and signifying that a few of the blows Matthew landed on me did damage somewhere within my rib cage. I’d underestimated the strength within his sixty year old frame as he pulled me away from his son and put enough distance between us so the scuffle could finally end.

“This shit isn’t over. I’ll catch you slipping again and I swear on my life if you utter another word to her I’ll finish you off.”

“Alright Dante man, that’s enough.” It was the first time Mike said anything since my exit from the car. I hadn’t even noticed he came inside.

“Say to who? What is hell is going on here?” I thought Richard would be amused by such a moment between the two of us. He thrives off of the competition he created and gets joy out of making sure to keep the both of us humbled by slyly knocking one down for the other; it mostly being me. I figured he’d let us go at it until I was near the point of being in a casket. That just tells me I’d done enough damage to Matthew to alarm him.

“Get the fuck off of me.” I felt more pain in snatching myself out of Richard’s grasp than I did when those punches were landing on me. The shrilling sound of my mother’s voice calling for me was an afterthought as I made my way through the halls and out of the door. I didn’t want to spend another minute in that residence if I wasn’t going to be able to finish what I came to do.

“I’m driving you to the hospital.” Mike held my keys in his hands as I pressed against the drivers side of the car and I quickly shook my had to negate that.

“I don’t need a hospital. I’m fine.”

“Your mouth is gushing blood. You’re going to need stitches somewhere in there. We’re going. Get in.” I didn’t bother to argue with him about it as I slid into the car on the passenger size. I couldn’t. All I planned to do today was pick up Autumn, take her out for lunch at her favorite pizza spot, and head home so we could spend some time together until we fly out to Turks and Caicos tomorrow. When they say life throws you curve balls, I certainly experienced that today but I don’t regret anything. The conversation with Isaac was necessary and beating the shit out of my brother had to happen. There was nothing to talk about between he and I because there is nothing that I can say to him that will get through that demented mind he has.

From the moment a friendship developed between the two of us, I never wanted Autumn to meet my family. I was unnerved when we were conversing in Miami and she revealed that Matthew flirts with everyone at Blue Star and Meridian, despite having a wife. Though she didn’t elaborate on it, I wanted to be informed about his exact words to her so that I could put them to a stop immediately. At the time, it was less about myself and more about him being a vulture with no regard or respect for women; that aspect of him seems to be six feet under with his mother. Richard’s already paid to sweep two sexual harassment accusations about him under the rug and tossed under the table money at a number of news reporting publications to keep it out of their news reports. I’ve never sexually glanced at, lusted over, or flirted with a single employee since the day I was officially brought on board despite the advances, blatant staring, and supposedly innocent offers for lunch. I didn’t and still don’t want my brother’s reputation and the last thing I want to do is lay with the same women he’s been with.

Because there was only footage, I don’t know what he said to Autumn but his body language expressed his lust loudly. I’m not surprised by that because I expect it not only from him but from just about every man that encounters her whether taken or not. Her presence stops movement within rooms. Her beauty turns the head of bother genders. In all the times that we’ve been out and about somewhere on this continent, I’ve observed men reacting to her. My presence hindered their approach. I observed my own colleagues undressing and eye-fucking her at my birthday party when they assumed I wasn’t looking and though he's my brother, he's as much of a stranger to me as they are. I always expect the worse from Matthew, but I can take his ignorance. I’ll never allow him to direct that in Autumn’s direction. I will ruin his life before it ever gets that far.

“You feel better?” I don’t know how long Mike had been standing there watching us but he did absolutely nothing to stop the altercation and I’m amused and appreciative of it. He could have never shown me the footage. He could have chosen to never take the ride with me. He could have done his best to stop me from getting into that door but he did nothing. I’m now prone to believe he wanted all of it to happen because he too has a disdain for Matt. Had it been anyone else, Mr. Zen would have talked me out of it.

“I feel good enough.”

“Here man. Put this up to your face.” He passed me the hoodie he’d been wearing and I did as he instructed to save the interior of my car from bloodstains that a thorough detailing wouldn’t even be able to erase.

“Hopefully there aren’t a lot of people in the emergency room and they can take you right in. You have all of your information in your wallet? Insurance and shit?”

“Yeah, it’s on me. My fucking rib cage has this piercing pain. He kept punching me there.”

“Body blows. He was trying to get you to stop. You fucked him up though. I’ll tell you that much. Your Jon B ass face only has one bruise on it and then there’s the lip. I think it’s split from the inside.”

“I can feel it.”

“They’ll probably do a few stitches. I called Autumn by the way.” I quickly whipped my head in his direction and frowned at random revelation. “I didn’t know what you were going to do so I called her because you weren’t going to listen to me and I kind of didn’t want you to, so I was going to let her be your voice of reason but by the time I got inside, it was too late.”

“So why did you call her?”

“You were going to have to explain yourself one way or another.”

He pulled the car over at the White Plains Hospital emergency room entrance so I wouldn’t have to make the trek with him from the parking lot and I headed inside to resister myself to receive some type of service. Either they were having a slow day or my lip looked worse than I thought because they offered to take me in and have registration done from an examination room. I’ve never been a fan of going to the doctors or having people putting their hands all over me for whatever reason it may be, so the nurses and doctor checking my vitals, cleaning my lip and bruised cheek, and constantly asking me questions that I didn’t care to answer ruined my calm.

“They’re going to do x-rays of your face and your rib cage.” Mike felt compelled to finally glance up from his GQ magazine to make his presence known despite seeing me exasperated by all that continued to go on around me. I’d heard the doctor loud and clear for that part. Him speaking about the swelling in my lip and the bruising on my rib cage entered one ear and went right out of the other because I was too focused on my phone to truly pay attention and the pain killer administered by the nurse probably played it’s part in that too. Medicine is another thing that I dislike but the sensitivity and pain I felt with every move I made outweighed my ego.

“Is he in here?” My head rose at the sound of a voice I not only wasn’t expecting but most of all didn’t want to hear and I huffed once she drew the curtain back and stared at me with a frown on her face that I hadn’t seen since I threw a football and shattered the glass of her china cabinet when I was twelve. It’s moments like this when I lean in the direction of her possibly loving me but then I have to realize that at some point during whatever conversation we choose to have, she’s going to tread in an area that will further enlighten me on how much she actually doesn’t. I’ve yet to figure out what she feels. Is she indebted to me because I passed through her birth canal or am I something to gloat about when she’s draped in diamonds and furs while having pretentious tea parties with the women she deems to be her friends? Am I a physical example of the love that she shares with her husband or am I the nuisance that mistakenly became of it?

“What the hell has gotten into you?” I didn’t expect her to ask about my health, how I felt, and if everything was alright. I’d did some damage to her kitchen, disrespected her home, and most of all attacked the child that she caters too most although he’s technically not hers. I crossed a couple of lines. “Do you hear me speaking to you?”

“I don’t have to answer to you.”

“Dante Elliott St. James, you broke his nose, blacked his eye, and chipped one of his teeth.”

“That’s it?” My attempt to smirk was far more painful than I needed it to be but I still did it just enough to further nettle her.

“I don’t know. That’s all the doctor has said thus far. You can please talk to me about what caused all of that? I really want to understand what brought you to the point of violence. That’s not like you.” I didn’t bother to answer because she’ll never understand me. She never has. Our conversations have always been one sided and filled with her opinions and emotions on who I am and the state of our relationship. She’s never gravitated towards my side no matter how I felt or how valid my points were. She thought I could handle it all and eventually, it didn’t matter to her anymore which is why I was shipped off to London. I don’t ever recall having a heart to heart with my mother because she’s oblivious to what doesn’t directly affect her. For as long as I was laced in designer clothing, sleeping in a bedroom filled with whatever I supposedly wanted, fed, attending the best schools, and not punching holes through walls and breaking laws like Matthew, I was fine in her eyes. I accepted my black sheep position within the St. James family and I’ve been living it for thirty years. I’m fine with it at this point, for as long as they stay out of my personal space, and that’s a boundary that they’re respecting less and less these days.

“You alright in here?” Richard stepped beyond the curtain and took a good look at me. As he stood there with his hands stuffed down into the pockets of his slacks, I nodded and returned my attention to the unanswered text messages on my screen. Autumn hadn’t responded to the two I sent and I didn’t know whether to be worried or panicked.

“I didn’t know you could fight.”

“Richard. Please. Okay?” Her hand quickly flew up to cease his amusement and she stared at me with disdain while awaiting an explanation that was never going to happen. She stood there staring at me for so long that her companion walked away and left her to it.

“Dante. Fighting is not you. Is it really over a woman?”

“Ask him.”

I finally decide to properly utilize the bed and I laid back against it’s uncomfortable surface. My body was giving in to the potent pill’s side effects no matter how much I fought against it and I suddenly felt like I weighted far more than I actually do. The last thing I remember was Mike warning me that my sleep wouldn’t be long.

I only hoped that it would be long enough for her to have left my personal space.

“Mr. St. James. We’re going to stitch your lip now. You may not remember because you quite groggy but we did the x-rays. There are no fractures in your face nor are there any fractures or bruises within your rib cage. You most likely pulled a muscle. There’s really nothing we can do about that other than letting it heal and that should take about a week or two. You’ll probably feel some pain when you take deep breaths and during movement, so we’ll prescribe some ibuprofen to help with that. Take them as needed. Ice packs help and most of all, rest. If you can get some rest for a couple of days, that should do you some good. You have a pretty deep cut in the inside portion of your lower lip. We’re going put about four or five sutures in there and that should heal within two weeks. You can either come back to the hospital or go to your primary care doctor to have those sutures removed. Do you understand?” I don’t remember the x-rays or the length of time that I slept. It didn’t feel like a long or short length of time. I oddly felt like I was out of it and like I could do nothing more than let whatever was happening take it’s course.

“Does he ice his lip as well?” Her soothing voice filled my ears and for the rest time in hours, the tension in my body subsided and chills trickled along my spine and the nape of my neck. My eyelids shot open and my head twisted in search of her physical form and I found the other worldly beauty standing along side the bed and glancing down at me in a distressed state. The frown on her face filled me with guilt and yet I could still do nothing more than admire the beautiful presence that stood in an establishment full of life and death.

“He can, if he wants to.” I placed my hand on hers as it held onto the railing of the bed and she immediately laced our fingers together. She didn't bid me a smile. Her eyes were scolding me for my actions and most of all for being in such a place for all the wrong reasons, in her opinion.

“Did you just get here?”

“I’ve been here for twenty minutes.” We were unexpectedly alone; no Mike. He mostly likely left so I could feel her wrath on my own. Her piercing eyes were filled with the beauty that they always contain but the pain in looking at me a bit bruised up slightly overshadowed it. Still, she said nothing. She simply held my hand while her eyes followed the doctors every move to make sure he handing my lip properly. She questioned every move he made from the shot of Lidocaine he injected into my lip for numbing to the type of stitches he’d be using so I wouldn’t have any allergic reactions.

“Everything looks good Mr. and Mrs. St. James. The nurse will bring back two prescriptions for you; one is an antibiotic to prevent any potential infections and the other is for the pain. You’ll also get a couple of papers with some instructions for taking care of that lip. Then you’ll sign your discharge documents and you’re free to go.”

“I appreciate all your help.”

“It was my pleasure.” He closed the curtain to give us privacy as Autumn shook her head and grabbed my face to exam the bruise on my cheek.

“Mike told them that I was your wife so they’d let me in.”

“I figured it was something like that. Where is he?”

“He went to get a cup of coffee from the cafeteria.”

“Did you see my parents?”

“No.” That was exact the answer that I wanted to hear.

“Baby, I’m okay. You don’t have to stare at me like I’m not going to get up and walk out of this bed within the next ten minutes.”

“But you’re not okay. The last time we were on FaceTime with one another, you were okay. Right now, you’re laying here with a bruise on your cheek, a busted lip, and your chest is hurting. That doesn’t sound like someone who’s okay to me Dante.” There it was. The contempt written all over her face had finally come out of her mouth and I grimaced at the tone she chose to use. I knew she’d be upset but not to this capacity.

“I’m fine Autumn.”

“Okay.” Her lips thinned as she pursed them together. She still held onto my hand while awaiting the nurses arrival but she had nothing else to say to me. Her silence disgruntled me more than it should have and had the nurse and Mike not broken it within minutes, I’m certain an argument would have happened in the midst of myself trying to get her to speak to me.

“All set?” Mike bought a hospital t-shirt from the gift shop for me to wear home because my white Tom Ford shirt was no longer wearable. He’d also gotten me a milkshake to cure the hunger I hadn’t even complained about just yet.

“I am. How’d you get here?” Autumn flung her bag over her shoulder and grabbed the plastic bag containing my now ruined shirt and the papers I’d left on the bed.

“Glen. He dropped me off.”

“Autumn if I drive back to the club so I can get to my car, will you drive him to get the prescriptions and then to his apartment?”

“Yeah, that’s no problem at all.”

“I can drive. I feel fine.” I wasn’t as groggy as I felt prior to falling asleep. Sure I was still sightly floating but it was manageable.

“They gave you Vicodin for the pain. You’re not driving anywhere.”

Suddenly my best friend and girlfriend felt like my parents as they left me to trail behind them while they discussed my state and just how I’d be looked after for the time being. There was no room for me to give any input because Autumn had no interest in hearing me out and Mike kept his attention on her out of respect and probably intimidation that he wouldn’t admit to having. While in the car, Autumn sat in the backseat so I’d have the option of stretching my legs out and we barely had anything to say to one another for the forty five minute drive back into the busy streets of Manhattan.

“I’ll call you and check on you tonight. Alright?” Mike extended his fist in my direction and I bumped it with my own and gave him a nod of my head.

“Thanks for rolling with me.”

“Where else would I be? Besides, I’m posting that shit on World Star Hip-Hop.” I smirked because the pain would have been unbearable if I laughed. Hell, it would have been unbearable if I winced in response to the pain from the laughter.

“Make sure they cut a check first.”

“Aye, you know me. I always make sure the numbers are right. Rest up brother.” Once he was out of the drivers seat and outside of the car, he the shut the door and had yet another brief conversation with Autumn about God knows what. I didn’t care to ease drop. Not only did I want to do nothing more than go to sleep, but I was more focused on making it to the pharmacy so I could fill those prescriptions before whatever they gave me in the hospital wore off.

“What pharmacy do you usually go to?” I looked on as she put her seat belt on and shrugged in honesty. I don’t have a specific pharmacy. The last time I filled a prescription was three years ago and I wasn’t even in New York when I did it.

“I think I have an account with Walgreen. So we can stop by any one of them.”

“Okay.” Silence again. At every red light, she fingers tapped on the steering wheel in aggravation and refused to look at me no matter how many times I adjusted myself in the seat just to draw her attention. Though she’d consider the figure fitting black maxi dress and the white Converses she paired with it as something she just threw on, I was left to just about drool over how it hugged every curve and crevice of her unrivaled form. My mind transitioned to lust filled thoughts of all the ways I wanted her once we were in the privacy of my apartment. Fuck the pain. She’d cure it.

“So you’re going to give me the silent treatment for the rest of the day?”

“What do you want me to say Dante?” I’ve never been indifferent about my name until now. It flowed from her lips with venom.

“What exactly are you mad about?”

“You can’t be serious right now, right?” Her laughter was filled with disbelief and hints of emotional exhaustion. “You fought your brother and based upon what Mike explained, it was over me. Do you think I’m going to approve of that? I don’t ever want you fighting and especially over me. You can’t even go to work. Look at your face. Just imagine what they’re going to say around that building if they find out that you two were at one another in such a capacity. You’re so much more rational than that and you posses more logic than most people do. I’m pissed that you felt compelled to do that. I don’t want to be the cause of you doing that type of shit.” My attention left her and my eyes panned over the melting pot of humans walking along the sidewalks. I heard every word she said and yet they’re probably the most pointless ones she’d expressed to me since we met.

“What did he whisper in your ear?” I needed to hear the answer to that more than anything else she has to say about what happened.

“I’m not telling you. Why, so you can go and start another round? Your brother is an asshole. You know that much better than I do. He said some asshole shit and I’m sure you know that based upon what you saw. I didn’t feed into it. That’s really all I have to say about it.” My body straightened in the seat and I whipped my head back in her direction. Her dismissal of my question was fuel thrown on the budding fire between the two of us.

“What did he say Autumn? And why didn’t you tell me what happened in the first place? After I parked the car and returned to you, you pretended like everything was just fine although that shit happened. Why wasn’t I notified of it then?”

“Because everything was just fine. That didn’t ruin my night and I wasn’t about to let it ruin yours. Don’t turn me into a villain because I didn’t want to ruin my man’s birthday with his brother’s bullshit. We were having a good time and we continued to do so even after they left. We went home that night in peace. That’s what the night was about. Should I have enticed you to swing on the man then? In front of your colleagues and friends? Be realistic.” She parked the car on the corner of Broadway and pointed at the Walgreen down the street. There was no way possible she’d be able to move closer to it.

“You should have told me. We’re honest with one another. We’ve been that way since the start so why would you ever feel compelled to keep something from me, especially some shit like that. How am I supposed to feel?”

“Spared. Give me the prescriptions and I’m going to need your identification and insurance card. I’m not sure if they’re going to give it to me but we’ll see. If not, you’re going to have to go inside.” She held her hand out for the papers that were resting on my lap and I didn’t budge. Yet again an answer of hers was the complete opposite of what I was looking for and didn’t make much sense in reference to this situation.

“Spared? Spared of what? I’ve been dealing with him since I was three years old. You’re not sparing me from anything, but I’m so glad that you thought one night would make all the difference.”

“Great. I’m so glad to know that you don’t appreciate the effort I put forth in trying to make sure your thirtieth birthday went smoothly. You’re welcome.” She reached over and swiftly snatched everything off my lap. I was on the verge of biting my lip to refrain from responding but the swelling and unpleasant sting of the sutures halted me. Her attitude didn’t falter as she reached between the two front seats and snatched her neon green bag out of the backseat. As she requested, I handed over what she asked of me.

“Don’t try to paint it as me being unappreciative because we both know that isn’t the case. It’s about me looking out for you. Is that not what I’m supposed to do? You were looking out for me right, so am I not allowed to reciprocate that?”

My question went unanswered just as the others did. I didn’t expect her to welcome me with open arms and applaud my actions. I know who she is and what is inexcusable by her standards though I firmly stand by my actions and the reasons why they took place. She’s protective of those that she cares and she would have taken a swing at Matthew for me before she ever encouraged me to do it for her. She’s a giver and not much of a taker. She compromises and sacrifices far more than she ever should have to. She’d deal with Matthew’s ignorance for the sake of sparing me of it even if it’s for a night but I can’t respect or fall in line with her not allowing me to play my part in my half of our relationship. I’m protective of those that I love and care about. I’m a giver. I know how to compromise and make sacrifices. I will go to war with whoever for the sake of sparing those that I love from pain and disrespect, especially when they’re innocent. Matthew targeting her wasn’t an indirect attack on me, it was as direct as he can possibly get it.

I had a twenty minute conversation with Stacey, who wanted every single detail down to the attire I was wearing during the altercation, and Autumn still didn’t return until ten minutes after my phone call ended. While waiting for the prescription to be filled, she went shopping in the store for at least four bags worth of products. The drive to my apartment sounded like typical medication commercial where the pros and the cons of whatever pill is being advertised. She ran down every possible side effect of the typically prescribed pain killers and had even purchased an over the counter substitute if they should start effecting me negatively. She didn’t stop when we were walking into the building I reside in and nor did her medication talk cease while we were taking the elevator up to my apartment. I would have rather her continue giving me the silent treatment instead of her suddenly morphing into a walking pharmacist who had nothing better to do other than to speak about work.

“I bought you some ice packs. I’m going to put them into the freezer now and once they’re nice and cold, you should put them on your chest to keep the swelling down and for pain relief. I’ll make you a sandwich or something to hold you over until I cook something. You need to take the medicine before whatever they gave you at the hospital completely wears off.”

“I spoke with your brother today.” She halted once she opened the freezer and eventually nodded her head as she tossed the gel filled plastic pads inside of it.

“Yes, I know. You’ve had quite an eventful day. He cursed me out twice.” Her starting sarcasm wasn’t enough to obscure what she mentioned immediately after it.

“He cursed you out?”

“Twice.” Her verification came with a smirk and those scolding eyes she’s been giving me since I opened my own in that stale examination emergency room pierced through me. Her frustration was clear, as was mine, but hers stole her cool and has had her zipping around like a bee and lost in her thoughts since she arrived to be by my side.

“I didn’t know he would show up. He began speaking about some Page Six story and…” before I could finish the rest of my statement, she interjected it for her own.

“And you confirmed it.”

“Was I supposed to lie?”

“You were supposed to wait until I was ready to tell him.”

“And when would that have been? When we’re married?” The statement flew out of mouth before I could regain control over my discontentment with her mood and the day. My shoulders sunk in unison with my internal thoughts and emotions as I watched her eyebrows rise in response to my words.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t intend for that to come out that way. I apologize baby.”

“Right.”

“Autumn.” My sigh was loud and I rested my elbows on the island as she rummaged through the fridge for the ingredients to put together my favorite type of sandwich.

“You should just stop talking. That works too.”

I took her advice.

We were trapped in our thoughts as she continued on with her task without much regard or acknowledgement of my presence. Once the pills were down my throat, she sent me off to the bedroom with the plate and a bottle of Gatorade to wash it down with. My attempt at a nap was a failure until she adjusted the pillows on the bed for the sake of my comfort, positioned the ice packs on my chest, and shut the redundant ESPN off so I would stop distracting myself. I yearned for her to lay beside me but it was a wish not granted. I craved her lips on mine, but I’d seen more of her back as she walked away from me than her beautiful face and perfectly shaped supple lips. I desired her touch, but all I was left with was the sound of her being everywhere within my home except where I was.

And still, she looked after me.

I love her and I know now more than ever that she is on the same accord.

She showed me better than she could tell me.

That’s an honor I’ll defend at any given moment.

#j. cole fanfic #j cole fanfic #j. cole fanfiction #j cole fanfiction #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #rihanna fanfic #rihanna fanfiction

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charlion-em · 7 years ago

Text

Home Sounds Good

For @thefangirlhasarrive who won the 2nd place prize from the giveaway <3 This was such a cute prompt and I had a blast writing it! <br>

Pairing: Peter Parker/Harry Osborn (parksborn) Rating: G Summary: Home is where you can drink milk from the carton - and also where you keep your pants. Warnings: none Words: 1,652

A/N: This was such a treat to write. I forgot how much fun it is to write these two!

It was all very domestic, and with sudden clarity Harry realized that was not a bad thing. For as much as he loved Peter, there was always a part of him which was afraid of continuing the cycle of dysfunction he came from, something which always held him back from asking for more. Though Norman was far removed from his life now, a part of Harry worried he would someday begin to mirror his father’s behavior.

Yet here they were, together for nearly a year and not a sign of slipping into the abusive behavior he grew up with; in fact, it was the exact opposite, and he thanked his lucky stars for the sunshine Peter always brought into his life.

From his seat at the dining table he watched as his boyfriend fumbled with the lid of the milk carton then tipped it to his mouth. Harry half expected the contents to drip down Peter’s chin, but the other man had plenty of practice with the savage act. He didn’t comment, and hid his fond smile behind his coffee mug.

“You’re out of milk,” Peter said. He tossed the now empty carton into the sink and sauntered over to Harry.

Harry hummed, mentally correcting ‘you’re’ to ‘we’re’. “Maybe I should start buying a whole gallon instead of a half gallon? Seeing as I’m always buying milk.”

Peter had the sense to duck his head. “Sorry Harry. I guess I’ve been spending more time here than at home. I’ll pick you up another half gallon after work, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

“Just get a gallon.” Harry grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl in the middle of his table. “You’ll drink it anyway- you practically live here.”

“No I don’t.”

Harry eyed Peter’s coat hanging by the door. It was July, and the garment had been there for months. “You can move in, I don’t know why you keep your apartment.” It was more of a flat than apartment, seeing as how the living room doubled as the bedroom- but Harry kept the comment to himself.

With a shrug, Peter walked around the table to grab his bag. He turned to Harry, who was still in his boxers. “If you don’t get going you’ll be late again.”

Harry waved him off, “I’ll be fine, pros of being the boss. I do have a later meeting, so I won’t be home until around 7.”

“Oh…” Peter paused with his hand on the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

He left before Harry could offer a late dinner. “Oh, Peter.” He shot of a text instead. Peter was right, he should get dressed and get to work.

Now that he was looking, he found a lot of Peter’s belongings intertwined with his own. It must have happened slowly, because without specifically looking everything felt in place.

They belonged.

Peter’s toothbrush wasn’t surprising, but his favorite facial lotion was. How long had it been on his bathroom counter?

Extra clothes were normal to keep at your boyfriend’s place, he probably had a spare outfit at Peter’s. But two whole drawers were full of Peter’s clothes. And the suit Peter wore to that event at the museum three months ago hung next to his in the closet.

If he wasn’t already running late, Harry would have continued to search for Peter’s things. Seeing as he would probably be alone for the evening, he would have plenty of time to look later. But what would he do with this new information?

Harry groaned as he pushed into his condo. Meetings drained his energy, and his usual mood charger had declined his invitation for a late dinner. The silence of his home was unnerving, and it was now Harry realized how long it had been since he spent a whole evening alone. Without Peter’s constant chatting or his tinkering on some new project, the condo felt empty and too large for just one person.

He decided dinner would just be a quick sandwich, nothing fancy or requiring effort. All he wanted to do was ease his growing hunger and fall onto his couch and watch reruns on t.v.. He could go over the meeting reports tomorrow when he had Peter to distract him from their monotony.

He opened the fridge to grab the lunch meat and paused, hand outstretched. On the middle shelf sat two fresh half-gallons of milk.

“Peter,” Harry sighed. He closed the door without gathering the ingredients for a sandwich. Instead, he pulled out his phone to text a quick ’really?’ to Peter. Quickly followed with ’it is cheaper to just get a gallon.’

A few seconds later Peter’s reply came through. ‘it’s called compromise.’

“OH MY GOD PETER,” Harry shouted at the ceiling. He growled, sending off another text as he began to pace. ‘just come home, pete.’

‘i am at home.’

Harry stopped in his tracks. Home. Despite his hangups, at some point he had started to consider this their home. And he thought Peter had as well. Especially given the time he spent there and the amount of belongings which were woven among his own.

Peter’s belongings.

Harry stomped into the bedroom, easily re-locating the items he’d found that morning. He aimed his phone at them, snapping quick photos of each location Peter had claimed. Peter’s clothes in the drawers and in the closet, the various hygiene items in the bathroom, and the old camera bag tossed on the chair next to the bed.

He searched the condo, snapping photos of every last bit of the evidence Peter lived there. It would look so bare without Peter’s things.

He text the photos to Peter one by one with no words of explanation. Just a slew of photos of random items which held no meaning by themselves, but spoke volumes in the context of their conversation.

After those photos were sent, Harry turned the camera around to his face. He easily morphed his face into the saddest pout he could muster.

Harry hit send with less force than he had with the other photos and fell face-first onto the couch, tossing his phone onto the floor nearby. How Peter reacted would probably determine the direction their relationship would take. Would they continue as they had been- in a limbo between casual and serious commitment- or would they push forward, take the next step? Not long after he had pushed his face into the decorative pillows, the sound of keys jiggling in the door broke the silence of the condo. Peter was the only other person to have a key. Harry rolled over enough to see the door, wondering just how Peter made it across town so quickly. It was fast, even for him.

Peter entered quickly and shut and locked the door, biting his lip when he turned and saw Harry on the couch. For what it was worth, Harry was proud he was able to hold back a burst of laughter when he took in Peter’s appearance.

He pushed himself up so he was sitting on the couch. “What are you wearing?” Harry couldn’t keep the mirth from his voice.

Peter picked at his neon yellow shirt with ‘swag’ scrawled diagonally across the chest. It clashed horribly with the dark purple and orange polka dot swim trunks and snow boots. “The shirt was Sam’s ‘gift’,” he made air quotes, “during one of his ‘get Peter to not dress like a nerd’ ‘projects’.”

Ah, Harry remembered those ‘projects’- which usually backfired since Peter managed to make anything look nerdy just by wearing it. The ‘swag’ shirt didn’t seem to be any different.

“So, uhhhh.” He shrugged, looking sheepish as he looked anywhere but Harry. “My clothes got sorta disintegrated along with my backpack… and uh, I guess my all good clothes are here?”

Harry dropped his head into his hands, knowing better than to ask why Peter’s backpack was disintegrated. Peter always gave too many details, he preferred the watered down version of Spider-Man’s exploits that the news gave.

Peter’s weight dipped the couch cushion. “And, you’re here too. I’m saving that picture as your caller ID, by the way.”

Harry sighed. “And you’ve had a key for like, ever.” He pulled his head back up, meeting Peter’s gaze. “Why are you so afraid of moving in?”

“I guess I already have, huh?”

“Peter.”

“Okay. Okay.” Peter bit his lip and scooted closer to Harry. Whenever they had a serious discussion, Peter snuggled as close as possible to Harry. “I guess, I don’t know, it’s like I’d be admitting I can’t do it myself? I’ll never be able to afford a place like this. I don’t want to be a kept man.”

“What’s mine is yours, Peter.” Harry wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “You put your life on the line for this city everyday, you deserve to be happy. So what if you don’t make a lot of money? You’re worth isn’t based on that.”

They stayed pressed together for a few moments before Harry turned and kissed Peter’s forehead. “If your only objection is the price of this place, we can shop around for something else.”

Peter shook his head and buried his face in the crook of Harry’s neck. “Are we ready? Like. It’s a big step, right?”

Harry held him tight. “I guess we decided we were ready a while ago, hmm?” Probably around the time Peter kept the spare key after Harry got back from a business trip.

“Yea, I guess my jeans knew better than I did.”

“Speaking of…” Harry pulled back and eyed Peter’s ensemble. “How about you change and we’ll go out to dinner to celebrate officially realizing you moved in?”

Peter’s smile was bright as he flipped over the back of the couch. “How about pajamas and we order take out? Stay home?”

“Home sounds good.”

And they were finally home together.

Thank you for reading!

#parksborn #ultimate spider-man #fluff #fluffier than cotton candy #domestic fluff

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coal-the-shiba · 8 years ago

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Resource Guarding

So hours of reading and observing, and I finally know: it is definitely resource guarding. Without a doubt. There is little information on this behavior because it is not well studied. All we know for certain is that it is a natural inclination for dogs due to their heritage. They may be domesticated, but few breeders check for temperament (especially in purebreds) AND it is really hard to breed out as well. Resource guarding is an survival instinct. It can hit any and all dogs at any time. Young or old, the star of obedience or the not-so-great. Doesn't matter. Some dogs are so docile that they may never experience it. Or, like us, you just don't realize that what you are seeing is resource guarding.

Ever since Rudolph Schenkel wrote up about wolves and dogs and the "alpha" theory, it screwed everything up for dogs. Resource guarding was lumped into all sorts of behaviors that are actually non-existent in dogs or at least completely misunderstood. Even Schenkel himself said his own theory was bunk and that he was wrong. Dogs and wolves don't "get dominance" (that isn't even correct grammar as far as I am concerned! Should be "get dominant", but I digress) Their pack units are family units and roles are very fluid based on the skills and personalities of other wolves. The larger the "pack" then the more rankings you will find, but this will more often be in artificial packs than family units.

But because of this completely wrong course in behavioral science, there is little information about the behavioral problems in our pets because it all came down to "who was dominant". We humans tend to have an inability to look at things in all their complexities. We try to make it as simple as possible. We did the same thing with our own children when teaching them. Wrong answer? Slap on the wrist. Misbehave? Slap on the wrist. We as a species are horrible for taking one label and applying everything---including corrective and interactive measures--to under that label.

But here is the thing. Resource guarding is not a dominance issue. It is a natural thing that would be most appropriate in a survival situation. What we, as the "smarter" species has to do is counter condition it. That makes perfect sense. It is just like when we finally realized that those kids in school weren't trying to cause trouble on purpose---they had something in them they couldn't control and needed help in learning to work with it. Same thing here. It's like ADHD for dogs or something along those lines. Another thing people misunderstand about resource guarding is that it is NOT about plentiful versus scarce. Even free-fed dogs guard, despite the abundance (or maybe because of it!)

Now, the reason we weren't sure if he was resource guarding was because it didn't "look" like resource guarding. That is a biggy, too. There is an image of what resource guarding is and how it should look. You don't hear about the sporadic guarder who leaps at you with almost no warning. You don't see stuff on the dogs who don't technically hover over what they are guarding. All the videos show the classic tense-body, growl, snap, and hovering. The text-book cases.

Coal was nothing like that. Every time I showed my videos to various people, things ranged from "anxious/stressed" to "wants to play". The tension in his body was minimal, he wasn't growling or snapping, and it didn't happen all the time--so people like us, the lay people, have a tough time figuring out what it is.

Still, his biting was strong--enough to leave bruises, though he never punctured (two times he grazed with his teeth that caused scratches, but regardless of clothing, it was only bruises: jeans, sweat pants, flimsy pajama pants, loose shirt/skirts, didn't matter). What most people don't realize is that bite inhibition has no correlation to resource guarding (Jean Donaldson, thank you for writing that because it had me worried!).

We had tried everything with Coal. Increased playtime, changing bowls, ignoring him, adding more food. Some things seemed to work briefly while others had no affect. In desperation, and to prove a point, I even did a nose-tap when he bit at my arm (catching only sleep...which I am positive was on purpose). Nothing really worked and I was at my wits end. I read so many things, so many possibilities...but what could it be? What made things even more confusing is the knowledge that we do everything "right". I never ever used physical correction before nor since that one nose swat. We do the NILF (nothing in life is free) program--he sits or gets a cue for everything before he gets it. He waits at the door before going out (and his house and his pen, everything). He sit-stays for his food and doesn't get it until we say. We even took preventative measures when he was a puppy---hand feeding, cues during meals, touching and petting, trading up for his food bowl, etc. We took away his puzzle ball for after meals because we thought it was getting him too excited---then we gave it back because maybe it was his "dessert". We worked on bite inhibition and everything. Yet this still happened. What made it even more confusing was how he zoned in on a specific part of the leg--the upper thigh. However we moved or shifted, he would keep his eyes fixated on that target as if it greatly offended him. Surprisingly, we found that we could redirect his gaze if we had our red water bottle carrier.

We didn't see anything serious until around 5 months of age--so we naturally thought that maybe it was the hormones. Well, it wasn't. We got him neutered about two weeks ago and we still haven't seen a change in that part of his behavior.

It wasn't until this morning, that I realized it was truly resource guarding, and the only reason I understood that was because he started showing more classic behaviors. Hubby had put him into a sit-stay and was about to trade the bowl for the ball when Coal came streaking out. We have always been on guard for this, so hubby was able to get back and out of the way. Coal went ballistic, and hubby was tired and cranky, so he got mad, too. The escalation between the two is something I am not proud to witness, but it really drove home the point that aversive and "dominance" does jack squat. Coal is strong willed, he didn't back down and he just became more aroused the angrier my husband got. But this--this was when he showed the true issue. I think that if my husband hadn't gotten so frustrated, I wouldn't have finally seen what I was looking for: the aggressive mouth, the tense face---all the signs in all the videos minus the snarling. He was hovering around his bowl, too, in a much more obvious. (as a quick note, hubby did not hit or physically abuse Coal in any way--he did kick at the pen and start posturing, which was enough to drive home the point)

Looking back, I think the signs were more obvious. It was usually at meal times (he recently started the same behavior after last walks, but that might be something different) and he was focused on the feeder. He didn't care about other people for the most part. Now, this last part threw us off because--again--case studies usually go to anyone. But Coal is a bit bright. He learned quickly that the person who fed him took his bowl away, so that person became his primary focus. Still, I didn't realize this could still be resource guarding until I read Jean Donaldson's book "Mine!" Another thing that should have tipped me off was one time, I had picked up his bowl from the storage and walked by after cleaning it. His eyes got wide as saucers when he saw it. I found that holding the bowl in a non-food way was less likely to draw his attention, but he still watched.

Okay, so he is resource guarding. My next step was to convince my husband that it was not personal. I also had to convince my husband this was not, technically a "choice" he was making, that it wasn't about dominance, and that getting angry back would do nothing. This is hard because my husband is old-school. He defers to me in dog decisions for two reasons: 1, it is my dog. And 2, I am really studying up and getting to the point of "pro" haha. Anyway, he understands, but he has a temper and it is hard for him to think logically when he gets angry. Ironic, since this is exactly the thing that happens in dogs during resource guarding. They get emotional and it clouds their thinking.

Now that all THAT is out of the way, I went back to the book "Mine!" to the book- marked food bowl guarding and started reading the steps. At first, it was a little confusing, but I was able to find several videos of trainers and owners who somewhat demonstrated the steps. It took a while. It feels like a closely guarded secret that no one wants to share as they are working through the process, but I figured it out. The first thing I wanted to do was test it.

So, out comes the food bowl and my hand full of nummer treats. I opted for a combo of just walking back and forth as in the book, and sometimes asking for a cue (stay/house). It was a remarkable observation. I sent him to his house and set down the food bowl. I watching him like a hawk, his eyes, his tail, and his mouth (those are the three things that are easiest to see). I released him as we always do and watched. He went up to the bowl and sniffed around, then gave me this confused look---what? Where's the food!?

I again asked for his house, walked up and dropped a treat in, released and walked away. It was like a bungee-stay without the stay. Walked toward him, drop and treat, and go back. Sit, drop treat, back. I varied if I asked him to stay or not, and I came from different places around the room. we don't have the space to go a full ten feet except if we go out in the hall, but it was enough. Sometimes I just came near him and didn't give anything.

Here is where things get remarkable. After about four bungees, I noticed his body posture changing ever so slightly. He was watching me very closely. Yes, he was walking with me---he went left if I went left, etc. but when I came close to drop in a treat, he sat. Immediately. No prompting. The tension was not quite as strong in him, either. There was a definite change, but I am not sure how big yet.

When I was done, I took an extra treat and tossed it in his house while I whisked away the bowl. It seemed better than having to fight or leave it, as we needed it for dinner time anyways.

According to Jean Donaldson, the first level is with treats only until you can pick up the bowl. After that, kibble is introduced and the sessions go to meal times. At this point, since I am in treat-level, I am trying to determine how many times a day I should do it. We have already figured his treat/meal calories, so that is no problem.

Outside of that, I am also reinforcing our management plan. Our management plan was pretty much what everyone suggests (you get a bit intuitive after all that studying). We feed him and no one bothers him. We keep the family from moving past his pen during that time. After feeding, he gets a ten minute cool down time, then a check to see if he is back in his right mind. The sticker comes with the trade up for the puzzle ball. It is, by far, his favorite thing in the world after meals. We fill it with kibble and trade the ball for the bowl. However, if he is like this morning, he gets no ball and we ignore/leave him. We may also have to crate him--something that I get the honor of doing as he sees me most as the "leader" so to speak (IE Mommy is better than Daddy haha)

As for the modification plan. I am going to be the one to go through the heirarchies recommended by Jean Donaldson. When I complete them all, it will be hubbies turn. Unfortunately, we have no tether or fake hand--all we have is our little home-made play pen. It seems to keep him at bay--he has never tried to escape it, though he could easily. Managing threshold is important, but difficult since it is so sporadic. We don't know why he does it some days and not others. I used to think lack of exercise---but considering how dog-tired he was yesterday (I ran him ragged) and his ability to rev up after a few hours sleep, I don't think that will make a difference. Everyone has bad days---even dogs. Anyway, after both hubby and I are succesful, I am thinking of doing it with the family. True, they never feed or interact during feeding times, but it may help to because they do have to go past his cage and I don't want him to suddenly decided they are a threat to his resources. Besides, the more experiences, the better.

There is a certain weight off of my shoulders, now that I have a path. Uncertainty is like fear. It is the mind killer. It is harder to embrace because you have no course of action, but once you can embrace and let it move past you, you are set. It vanishes far more quickly than fear. (brownie points for anyone who gets the reference out of that)

Primary recommended resource if you have the same issue: https://www.amazon.com/Mine-Practical-Guide-Resource-Guarding/dp/0970562942

#resource guarding #food aggression #shibainu #shiba inu #shiba #inu

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