#pride and prejudice periodically

[mariniacipher]

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

it’s started!!!

reading the pride and prejudice substack by @im-an-aesthetic-mess - im not sure abt the tags used yet, but excited to start 😊

i did once start reading this, but never finished the book, so hopefully the slow pace and having some ppl along the way will help with that!

[im-an-aesthetic-mess]

Hi! Sorry to bother but I was wondering, what exactly is your pride and prejudice substack schedule? :0c

hi ! no bother, this is a super valid question. it’s SUPPOSED to be every monday and friday, but i’ve had a few personal matters (read: catastrophes) come up the past few weeks

my plan is that after pride tomorrow, i’m going to schedule a bunch of weeks out in advance (what i should have done in the first place) instead of posting the chapters day-of, so things should return to the proper schedule come monday !

i’m terribly sorry for the sporadic posting schedule, hopefully it’ll be fixed after this weekend

[none-ofthisnonsense]

The difference in the levels of language depending on the characters:

Mrs. Bennet:

"Don't keep coughing so, Kitty, for Heaven's sake! Have a little compassion on my nerves. You tear them to pieces."

followed by

"Aye, so it is," cried her mother, "and Mrs. Long does not come back till the day before; so it will be impossible for her to introduce him, for she will not know him herself."

and

Mrs. Bennet said only, "Nonsense, nonsense!"

and later

"I am sick of Mr. Bingley," cried his wife.

Compare with Mr. Bennet:

"I honour your circumspection. A fortnight's acquaintance is certainly very little. One cannot know what a man really is by the end of a fortnight.

and

"What can be the meaning of that emphatic exclamation?" cried he. "Do you consider the forms of introduction, and the stress that is laid on them, as nonsense? I cannot quite agree with you there. What say you, Mary? For you are a young lady of deep reflection, I know, and read great books and make extracts."

(I'm hesitating to include '"Kitty has no discretion in her coughs," said her father; "she times them ill."' because the 'ill' could be counted as wordplay but I'm not sure he'd joke about health)

The girls aren't also portrayed as very smart:

"I do not cough for my own amusement," replied Kitty fretfully.

and

The girls stared at their father.

and

Mary wished to say something sensible, but knew not how.

and

The astonishment of the ladies was just what he wished

Overall, Mrs. Bennet seems very pragmatic and not very learned (perhaps from a slightly lower social class? The Regency era isn't the one I'm best versed in, so someone would need to confirm if "Aye" was used by both nobles and commonfolk at the time. The girls seem to emulate her, but Mr. Bennet believes them smarter than they seem on the page. He himself is shown to be quite well learned!

[achillieus]

what a shame doctors don’t prescribe vacation to secluded seaside towns like they used to

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[laurenillustrated]

“She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me.”

Pride and Prejudice illustration based on the book.

[sulietsexual]

Period Drama Appreciation Week 2024 July 29th - August 4th Day Five: Favourite Aesthetic

[filmgifs]

PRIDE & PREJUDICE 2005 — dir. Joe Wright

[badnovels]

she’s really on to something here

[fruitblr]

Pride and Prejudice 2005 — dir. Joe Wright

[mariniacipher]

Mrs. Bennet deigned not to make any reply [to Mr Bennet], but, unable to contain herself, began scolding one of her daughters. "Don't keep coughing so, Kitty, for Heaven's sake! Have a little compassion on my nerves. You tear them to pieces."

love to see the dysfunction in this family, and how mrs bennet’s poor nerves make her lash out bc she cannot or will not actually express her emotions

honestly, this reminds me of war and peace (& emails) in the way the families feel so flawed and so real because of that? and i really appreciate it

[im-an-aesthetic-mess]

If I have to play catch up on P&P, I will probably just not do it. I don't have time to be doing cram reading sessions.

this is a great point. i probably wouldn’t do it if i had to catch up either, and i feel like a lot of other people probably agree

[nerdside]

Pride and Prejudice characters + being a mood

[zoltyx]

[none-ofthisnonsense]

"To-morrow fortnight."

Join me in eternal confusion as to why we stopped using this term. Nobody understands me when I do :(

[nortism]

NEVER learn about historical fashion, it’ll ruin films for you. i’m trying to watch pride and prejudice (2005) for the first time and i’m shaking with rage