#prices are never going back down
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somethingusefulfromflorida · 6 months ago
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The dollar tree, where everything used to be exactly one dollar, now has a price scanner in the middle of the store because they've given up entirely on their gimmick. $1 became $1.25, now there's no cap, no rhyme or reason, no consistency. It's just a regular convenience store pretending to be a dollar store.
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lucalicatteart · 1 year ago
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A new sculpture! Finally... I feel like I never sculpt anymore since I'm always sick or have some 500 other things going on or projects to finish, but I'm trying to schedule time to do it more often this year hopefully..! Just a generic fantasy creature as usual, but did try making the eyes a little more sparkly this time.. hrmm..
#sculpture#fantasy art#fantasy creature#art#elf#lol what are the tags I should use... I still never know.. EVIL social media.. hate the idea of tagging anything ever anyway. but alas..#I also would ideally like to start selling them again and open up custom commmissions and stuff again once I can hopefully get paypal#stuff sorted out. and find like.. a good way to do things.. etc.. I did still want to sell them through auction instead of agonizing#over setting prices being afraid they're either too high or too low. So being able to just be like. Here. this is $50. or more. or less.#negotiate. the worth is whatever you feel like it is so i personally dont have to make that decision. etc. lol... But etsy doesn't let you#do auctions or like pay what you want type stuff so.. then I was thinking ebay? but idk.. ANYWAY.. I want to set things#up so I can sell stuff again hopefully. I still haven't fully recovered from the costs of when I had to take my cat to the vet and put#them down last year and etc. So it'd be good to sell a few things. perhaps.. maychance... perhamble... so on and so forthe... ANYWAY#I was going for whiter more milky sort of hair that blends in closely with the skintone but after the paint dried it seems more yellowy kin#of. which is fine. But just not exacltly like my mind vision lol..#Also it's like... wow... someone with face spots and elf ears and a half open mouth with a gap tooth and wavy hair and kind of downturned#eyes... revolutionary... never been seen before... every sculpture I have ever made surely doesnt look licherally exactly like this... LOL#but maybe it's just a style. so what. People have their motifs lol.. Im just getting back into sculpting. I shall sameface in peace. huzzah#Just like the only thing I ever carve out of avocado pits anymore is eyes. Because that's just whats fun to do. I'm going to accumulate lik#25 similar avocado eyes and have nothing to do with them. I was thinking of stringing some together into a necklace of eyes or something li#like that but.. hrmm... ANYWAY.. Love to do the same things repetitively. :3c
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maiuoart · 6 months ago
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Can I hug Mutt and Regal?
Well-
Mutt is much more willing for hugs. He loves connecting and socializing- He's such a butterfly and he wouldn't mind a cuddle. Probably the first one who would pick anyone up just for the sake of carrying.
Regal on the other hand- Can't hug him unless he's known you forever or theres a life situation where he'd have to hold onto you somehow. But he isn't a touchy type at all.
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drizzledrawings · 10 months ago
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oooh *swings a stopwatch back and forth repeatedly while making wavy finger movements* you wanna drop the oc lore SOO baad oOoOh!
Flora is presumed dead (“killed” by Mattie’s brother, in front of her) thus Mattie, consumed by grief and rage, kills the last remaining member of her blood family :)
Additional: she was just knocked out, and when she comes to Mattie is in her fox form and cannot change :)
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that-one-obsessed-weirdo · 2 months ago
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About to make a consultation appointment for my very first tattoo and I have never felt more excited and simultaneously terrified at the same time hhhhh
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pilonciillo · 5 months ago
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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completelyillliterate · 8 months ago
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really looking forward to switching back to pay as you go mobile data this plan things giving me a headache
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exopelagic · 10 months ago
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WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME BURROWS END WASNT FREE
#I DIDNT TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT BUT STILL. SOMEONE SHOULDVE WARNED ME BEFORE I GOT COMPLETELY INVESTED#I know next to nothing abt dimension 20 I’m pretty sure I just saw a post abt burrows end specifically MONTHS ago and was like 👀👀👀#opened a tab with the first episode to watch later and promptly forgot about it#until last night! having a bad night and was like hrm what if I just watch smth#and I’ve been reading watership down recently!! finally got my own copy bc it was my favourite book when I was like NINE#so I am fully primed to fall in love with a story abt little animals rn and man#I am OBSESSED with this and also realising yeah I’m at a point where I could get very into tabletop rpgs now#what if. what if I just get dropout. what if I just do that. would that not be fun. I would like to see the stoats do stuff#i am so in love with Ava and her player and I understand so much more about brennan lee mulligan now. and VIOLA#viola may be my favourite character I’m obsessed with how she interacts with other characters.m#i NEED to know what’s up with thorn’s cult thing. and also thorn. what is going on there#hrrgrhehh the thing that’s holding me back is I’m allergic to subscriptions#impermanence. even though I know it’s fairly unlikely I’ll wanna watch it again any time soon I don’t like the idea that I’d have to like#in a couple years pay for it again or not be able to bc I can’t afford it even though I already paid for it once#I’m a books + cartridge games guy and it shows.#okay. I will chew on this. the price is not unreasonable and I have coincidentally also been looking at make some noise clips#it does not help that I basically never watch things but my favourite podcast is also ending within the next month (2 episodes left)#and this IS primarily audio so I could cook + watch mayhaps. and I’ve heard good things abt all other d20.#they have a 20% off first year deal on. annual would make me less stressed long term if I end up liking this bc cheaper + choice premade#and would also mean I can do it now and not feel bad abt wasting the first month bc I won’t be able to watch much for a few weeks#fuck it I’m allowed to make frivolous purchases sometimes I will simply swallow the subscription distaste#more stoats >:)#that aside all the players are incredible I’m pretty sure when this is done I’ll wanna watch other seasons just to see what else they do#okay go do the thing I believe in you you can spend money sometimes#luke.txt#update I downloaded the app. I am putting off the decision for another day now bc it’s 1:21am and I have not been thinking clearly <3
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elytrafemme · 1 year ago
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i think i played sims 4 with my sister for six hours straight today?
#vixella + james turner's sale promo post convinced me#$33 dollars down the drain BUT it was for the two packs i'd most likely use anyway#we made ace attorney characters partly to captivate my sister's attention and also because it's funny as fuck#though i do have OCs in mind... yes it's 1:30 AM but i might just like...#write some more OCs. and watch more vixella :) i love her content sm#i also kind of wanted to figure out what sims traits my irl friends would have because i think it's funny#but i can't tell if that's the sort of thing i need to debrief them about#or to like never mention because who the fuck cares#ultimately i truly do not think any of them would give a shit but you know#(btw we got romantic garden stuff (free); city living ($16); and seasons ($16) + base game (free))#both city living & seasons would ordinarily be $30-40 so...#we also want to circle back to grab cats & dogs (~$30-40; $16 on this sale but it's only 24 hr)#but i thought that city living was more strategic at the moment#+ i would in the long run LOVE to have growing together or parenthood... and parenthood runs cheaper in general...#but i already have spent a lot of money this semester :/#mostly because Ooh Purchase Euphoria! and also because my college is located somewhere which. sigh.#has FAR higher prices than where i currently live#in a way that is truly horrifying but i do in fact go to college and need to get groceries somehow#so it's more of a desensitization thing because that does still need to occur#so like $33 dollars is very reasonable is my point
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doomednarrative · 2 years ago
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Could never understand being a Michinaga hater the guy has carried the Entire series for me at this point
#i have so many thoughts about him#personally feel hes been one of the most consistently written characters since the beginning of everything#also. people keep calling him a hypocrite. yall are wrong#if he was a hypocrite he would proclaim he was better than everyone while doing what he does#when beroba calls him out on doing the same shit the riders he hates are doing he literally doesnt deny it#hes like yeah i kinda am but so what im doing it anyways#if he was really a hypocrite hed have denied that shit up and down but he never does#hes just. very bullheaded as hes meant to be in achieving his endgoal and if he has to get his hands dirty doing it#he will#people get mad that he killed keiwa and yeah it was a dick move but he also literally explains it#he does it to get him and neon and the rest to forget everything so they can go back to living peacefully in ignorance#and so that their own wishes wont cause more suffering in the process#because lets be real if you wanna critique michinaga you better be willing to look at keiwas own shit hes got going on#michinaga rightfully calls him out on Knowing the wishes cause suffering but still wanting to use that system to right its wrongs#and thats not forgivable to him nor is it very noble of keiwa when hes the guy whos been vying for peace this whole time#his way to peace has a price tag on it now#the whole point i think is that no ones goals are going to be able to mesh together and the whole system needs to fuckin go#because no one is benifiting from it even with the wishes being used for Good Things#sorry but ive been ruminating on this all night i needed to get it out there#kamen rider geats#geats spoilers#kief watches kr geats
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sysig · 2 years ago
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I thought I was done being feral about Tamagotchis but no, it was just a lull
#I was already interested in getting a Gotchi for the past couple months and then KKClue dropped that video (praise be)#And Then I learned that there was a cheap way of purchasing legit Japanese Gotchis?? I may uh. Have. Purchased a few#I never really had That Moment as a kid or teen of being impulsive with money - I'd either save it up and get one big thing#Or I'd buy little things until I eventually ran out - and that habit has kinda continued into adulthood lol#Nowadays the one big thing is usually something like a new computer when my old one dies but it certainly is a big thing lol#And I like getting little things like my puzzle cubes <3 But I'm fairly miserly!#Well. Until.#I've finally hit The Phase of impulsive purchases because of a perfect storm of Things Happening lol#I first wrote down that I wanted to start looking for Tamagotchis in March of this year and I was going about it rather casually to start#Just looking around Big Box stores to check pricing - then various toy and vintage stores to see if they had stock#Most of them didn't but I did get in some delightful networking :D I want to go back and continue!#I finally broke down a week ago and checked Amazon for the ''custom'' shell designs because I like the galaxy one hehe#And then - that accursed video (affectionate)#I may have watched it five times so far lol and then actually bit the bullet and checked out the sponsor and Fucking Hell#I can never get into gambling this does absolutely wack shit to my brain it's only half about the Gotchis themselves anymore#That said I am very excited for my Mesutchi to arrive! I really want to get an Osutchi to go with her and a Gen 1 and and and#I want to collect all the Angelgotchs so bad you don't understand I Must Have them in all the colours it's very important#I'm even considering doing some kind of Project with them once they arrive I don't know it's just all so exciting#I'm feeling very normal#Oh yeah and barely related other than IRL silliness - I finally got a haircut! :D#It'll take a bit for my sona to update but it was today! All sorts of things haha
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fingertipsmp3 · 15 days ago
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IT WENT SO WELL GUYS. I feel dumb as fuck for having been so anxious
#the new team? THE nicest people ever#the cafe? pretty much unchanged#there is a new till but other than that everything is basically the same#oh and there’s more space behind the counter. and the cups are different; we can’t write on them anymore#so i have to improvise a bit with stirrer sticks or talk with customers in order to denote which drink is which. yuck#other than that all is well! we have some different cakes and stuff but i’ve never worried much about supplies#people bring stuff to me and i’m just like yeah sure i’ll scan that. i don’t care#the coffee machines are the same. the oven’s the same. microwave is gone which i HOPE means we no longer have soup#there’s no chalkboard anymore which means customers can see the prices and selection better#not that they’re using that info. but anyway#but the best part is MY KNEE WAS FINE#it was just like oh we’re standing up? okay#i know it was just a quick trial but literally i can tell QUICKLY if my knee is going to complain about an activity#and it didn’t. at all#it still isn’t. there was a moment when it twinged when i got in the car but i don’t know if i just sat down weird#or my knee was just like ‘hey why are you suddenly sitting down after standing’#either way i genuinely don’t think i’m going to have a problem. like i want to start on short shifts just to make sure#but if i absolutely had to do an 8 hour shift i probably could with some nurofen and a lunch break halfway through#i did communicate all of this to the manager and she was i think kind of nonplussed but also grateful that i gave her the info#i genuinely care about this place unfortunately. the coffee shop benefits a charity so i genuinely don’t want to fuck up#i want them to make a good decision. i also want to go back and work there#but i understand if they get worried and don’t want to fill out an accident report. again#anyway i hope i get it! they said they have 7 vacancies which i think is a wild amount of vacancies#everyone seemed to like me and i was benevolently teased for going on autopilot bc i already know the systems lol#guys. we might be back#personal
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luvbabydoll · 2 months ago
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john price never expected much from retirement. peace and quiet, maybe a drink at the bar in the evening, and the occasional fishing trip to keep his hands busy. but what he didn’t expect was you.
he first saw you at the local café, where you’d waltz in wearing little sundresses, always with a book in your hands, always smiling at the staff. a sweet little thing—too young for him, too pretty, too full of life. but you had a habit of looking at him, big eyes lingering a little too long, lips curling when you caught him staring back.
it didn’t take long after that.
one drink turned into two, turned into his hand resting on your thigh, turned into him murmuring in your ear, low and rough—“let’s get out of here, love.”
you barely made it through the door of his place before he had you against the wall. his hands were big, rough from years of work, gripping your hips like he was holding himself back from something deeper, something darker. but when you whined, arching up against him, his restraint snapped.
price fucked you like he had something to prove.
like he needed you to feel him, needed you ruined and wrecked and too dumb to think of anything but him. he had you on your hands and knees, dragging out those sweet, needy sounds from your throat until you weren’t sure if you were moaning and mewling.
“you take it so well,” he grunted, palming your ass, watching the way you trembled under him. “little thing like you, stretched around my cock—”
your nails scraped the sheets as you whined, pushing back into him. “p—price—”
his hand tangled in your hair, tugging just enough to make you gasp. "john, love. s’john to you now.”
and fuck, you liked that. you liked the way it sounded, the way it felt, warm and thick on your tongue as you gasped it over and over, sobbing it into the pillow when he pressed down on your back and fucked you deep.
when it was over, you should’ve left. should’ve gathered yourself, slipped out before he could say anything, made this nothing more than a memory.
but when he moved to get up, you made a soft, breathy noise and curled around him, clinging like he might disappear if you let go
"where you goin’?" you mumbled, voice thick with sleep.
john exhaled through his nose, looking down at you. his hand hesitated before settling on your hip, big and warm.
"nowhere, love," he murmured, giving you just enough to keep you holding on.
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circe69 · 3 months ago
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simon riley is simon fucking riley.
why would he need a secretary?
it was price's idea to put up the "help wanted" sign, even though simon never agreed to it. he was completely capable of going through life "assistantless", he had made it this far, hadn't he?
but the way you greeted him, placed your manicured hand out for him to envelop it with his, was something he wasn't prepared for in the slightest. simon found himself whispering your name to himself as he walked to lunch, stapled papers, shaving his face.
you were a phenomenon to him, a spiritual experience that he just didn't recognize yet. and even though he was slowly coming around to this whole thing, the truth was, he'd always be a bitter man.
"sir, I was placed here for your benefit. trust me when I say, whatever you ask of me, I will do-"
"I don't need your fuckin' help, y'hear me?" simon would respond with a bite, even though his words only encouraged your crush more.
and his eyes spoke words his mouth couldn't. they casually wandered down the length of your body, and he took it upon himself to memorize the sight of you. sitting, standing, bending over.
how could he not? the way your plump ass sat in that stupidly tight skirt, how the buttons lining your polo were just seconds away from flying across the room with the help of your black push up bra, it was just too much for him.
every single morning, without fail, you waltzed right into his office. his space, unsolicited. carrying your unnecessarily large purse and an iced coffee, your soft voice rang and bounced off the four walls, "good morning, sir."
you might as well just bow down to him while your at it, with all that sweet talk you give to simon, all the shy little nods and waves you bid him throughout the day, and he ate it right up.
"I finished the spreadsheets you asked me to compartmentalize. will that be all for today?" you'd say, leaning over his mahogany desk as your cleavage spills out of your top. simon was about to lose his cool.
"that'll be all, luv." he cooly spoke over his computer, trying to regain his composure.
it wasn't until a few days later, when you were struggling to put a stack of files on the top shelf, that simon's self control went out the window. he watched as you stood on your tiptoes, losing balance trying to place the items. and he couldn't help but come up behind you, placing a large palm on the small of your back to steady you.
a small gasp came from your throat at the gesture, "easy, luv, just me." he whispered back.
simon was so close, close enough to the point where you could study his face, watching his eyes squint at the effortless reach it took for him to stack the files.
the eye contact alone led your mind astray, and as his hand drifted away from your back to the fat of your hip, your eyes fluttered down to his lips, then neck, then shoulders.
that was all it took. what started as a something simon hated became something he lived for. the hand around your hip pulled you closer to him as the other cradled your face.
"tell me to stop." he whispered, nose rubbing against your own, causing your eyes to flutter shut.
you smiled at the outrageous thought.
"never."
simon's lips crashed against yours in an instant, a clash of teeth and tongue, slow licks and harsh nips were quickly causing your legs to give out beneath you.
he picked you up instantly, "mm, I gotcha,"
that's how you found yourself laid all pretty on his desk, legs up on his shoulders. the slight curve of his dick and veins you could feel with every nerve in your body only created shudders.
"mmhmm, mm, y-you don't hate me?"
you said, interrupting the lewd sounds of him slamming into you, the squelch of the two of you joining made you tighten around him.
"fuck, no. no, don't hate you, lovey,"
and of course, simon being the pussydrunk that he is would casually slip this in,
"love you, fucking love you."
୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ☆
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creepyclothdoll · 6 months ago
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The Devil's Wheel
The Devil’s Wheel
“If you say yes,” said the Devil, “a single man, somewhere in the world, will be killed on the spot. But three million dollars is nothing to sneeze at, missus.”
“What’s the catch?” You squint at him suspiciously over the red-and-black striped carnival booth. You’re smarter than he thinks you are– a devil deal always has a catch, and you’re determined to catch him before he catches you. 
“Well, the catch is that you’ll know you did it. And I’ll know, too. And the big man upstairs’ll know, I ‘spose. But what’s the chariot of salvation without a little sin to grease the wheels? You can repent from your mansion balcony, looking out at your waterfront views, sipping a bellini in your eighties. But hey, it’s up to you– take my deal or leave it.”
The Devil lights a cigar without a match, taking an inhale, and blowing out a cloud of deep, sweet-smelling tobacco laced faintly with something that reminds you of rotten eggs. If he does have horns, they’re hidden under his lemon yellow carnival barker hat. He wears a clean pinstripe suit and a red bowtie. No cloven hooves, no big pointy fork, but you know he’s the Devil without having to be told. Though he did introduce himself.
He’s been perfectly polite. 
You know you need the money. He knows it too, or he wouldn’t have brought you here, to this strange dark room, whisking you away from your new house in the suburbs as fast as a wish. Now you’re in some sort of warehouse, where all the windows seem to be blacked out– or, maybe, they simply look out into pitch darkness, though it is the middle of the day. A single white spotlight shines down on the two of you. 
“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” you say. “I bet the man is someone I know, right? My husband?”
“Could be,” the Devil says with a pointed grin. “That’s for the wheel to decide.”
He steps back and raises his black-gloved hand as the tarp flies off of the large veiled object behind him. The light of the carnival wheel nearly blinds you. Blinking lights line the sides. Jingling music blares over speakers you can’t see. The flickering sign above it reads:
THE DEVIL’S WHEEL
“Step right up and claim your fortune,” the Devil barks. “Spin the wheel and pay the price! Or leave now, and a man keeps his life.”
You examine the wheel. 
The gambling addict
The doting boyfriend
The escaped convict
The dog dad
The secretive sadist
“These are all the possible men I can kill?” You ask, thumbing the side of the wheel. It rolls smoothly in your hand. Then you quickly stop, realizing that this might constitute a spin under the Devil’s rules. He flashes a smile at you, watching you halt its motion. 
“Addicts, convicts, murderers– plenty of terrible options for you to land on, missus!”
“Serial wife murderer?”
“Now who would miss a fellow like that? I can guarantee that the whole world would be better off without him in it, and that’s a fact.”
The hard worker
The compulsive liar
The animal torturer
The widower
The desperate businessman
The failed musician
The beloved son
“My husband is on here too,” you say. 
“Your husband Dave, yes. The wheel has to be fair, otherwise there’s simply no stakes.”
“I know what’s gonna happen,” you say, crossing your arms. “This wheel is rigged. I’m gonna spin it around, and it’ll go through all the killers and stuff, and then it’s gonna land on my husband no matter what.”
“Why, I would never disgrace the wheel that way,” the Devil says, wounded. “I swear on my own mother’s grave– may she never escape it. In fact, take one free spin, just to test it out! This one’s on me, no death, no dollars.”
You cautiously reach up to the top of the wheel and feel its heaviness in your hand. The weight of hundreds of lives. But also, millions of dollars. You pull the wheel down and let it go.
Clackity-clackity-clackity-clackity
Round and round it goes. 
The college graduate
The hockey fan
The Eagle Scout
The cold older brother
The charming younger brother
The two-faced middle child
The perfectionist
The slob 
Your husband Dave
Clackity-clackity-clackity.
Finally, the wheel lands on a name. A title, really.
The photographer
“Hmm, tough, missus, but that’s the way of the wheel. But hey, look! Your husband is allllll the way over here,” he points with his cane to the very bottom of the wheel, all the way on the other side from where the arrow landed. “As you can see, it’s not rigged. The wheel truly is random.”
“So… there really isn’t another catch?” You ask. 
“Isn’t it enough for you to end a man’s life? You need a steeper price? If you’re really such a glutton for punishment, I’ll gladly re-negotiate the terms.”
“No, no… wait.” You examine the wheel, glancing between it and the Devil.
You really could use that three million dollars. Newly married, new house, you and your husband’s combined debt– those student loans really follow you around. He’s quite a bit older than you, and even he hasn’t paid them off yet, to the point where the whole time you were dating you watched him stress out about money. You had to have a small, budget wedding, and a small, budget honeymoon. Three million dollars could be big for the two of you. You could re-do your honeymoon and go somewhere nice, like Hawaii, instead of just taking two weeks in Atlantic City. You deserve it. 
Even so, do you really want to kill an innocent photographer? Or an innocent seasonal allergy sufferer? Or an innocent blogger? Just because you don’t know or love these people doesn’t mean that someone doesn’t. 
The cancer survivor
The bereaved
The applicant
Some of these were so vague. They could be anyone, honestly. Your neighbors, your father, your friends…
The newlywed
The ex-gifted kid
The uncle
The Badgers fan
“My husband is a Badgers fan,” you say.
“How lovely,” the Devil says. 
Then it hits you.
Of course.
The weightlifter.
The careful driver.
The manager.
The claustrophobe.
Your husband Dave lifts weights at the gym twice a month. You wouldn’t call him a pro, but he does it. He also drives like he’s got a bowl of hot soup in his lap all the time, because he’s afraid of being pulled over. He just got promoted to management at his company, and he takes the stairs to his seventh-story office because he hates how small and cramped the elevator is.
“I get your game,” you announce. “You thought you could get me, but I figured you out, jackass!” “Oh really? What is my game, pray tell?” The Devil responds, leaning against his cane.
“All these different titles– they’re all just different ways to describe the same guy. My husband isn’t one notch on the wheel, he’s every notch. No matter what I land on, Dave dies. I’m wise to your tricks!” 
The Devil cackles. 
“You’re a clever one, that’s for sure. I thought you’d never figure it out.”
“Thanks but no thanks, man,” you say with a triumphant smirk. “I’m no rube. No deal. Take me back home.”
“As you wish, missus,” the Devil says. He snaps his fingers, and you’re gone, back to your brand-new house with your new husband. “Don’t say I never tried to help anyone.”
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sigh-tofm · 6 months ago
Text
when they come home drunk…
… price
- thinks it’s important that he loudly tells you he’s married while you steady him upstairs to bed. points to his ring incessantly, slurs on and on about his perfect wonderful wife with the big ass and soft tummy. you roll your eyes and can’t help but smile when he doesn’t let you hold on to his arm to support him. something about protecting his virtue for his wife, as if you’re not standing right beside him. proceeds to lock you out of your own bedroom when you finally get upstairs, telling you his wife will be home soon so he can’t have a strange woman in their bedroom (but still remarks on your wonderful ass). you decide it’s too early in the morning to persuade your drunk husband to let you in, so you go down to sleep on the couch. you wake up with price sleeping soundly on the floor beside you, having gone to find his wife when she never showed up in his bed the night before.
… kyle
- gets sappy and apologises for being away. loses all concept of time when he’s drunk, says he’s sorry, he didn’t mean to be away so long, he was thinking of you the whole time, the guys pulled him along and he couldn’t say no. while he’s on his knees at your feet, pressing his face to your thighs and mumbling into your marbled skin, almost making you lose your balance with his fervent apologies, you gently remind him that you were the one who made him go out with the boys because he needed to unwind after a stressful weekend of combat drills, and that he had left with them less than two hours ago. he refuses to hear and only hugs your thighs closer, so much so that you have to support yourself on the wall. turns out all he needed to relax was you.
… johnny
- is horny. almost starts drooling when he eyes you at the top of the stairs, after struggling to close the entrance door for a good minute, causing you to investigate what made all the noise. gets a wild look in his eyes when he sees you in just his t-shirt and makes you scream and giggle as he chases you back up the stairs and to the bedroom. being absolutely shitfaced, he has the coordination of a tranquillised moose and stumbles head over heels across the floor, catches his foot on the doorway and narrowly misses the edge of the dresser with his head as he falls. still, his little soldier is courageously tenting his pants when you worriedly lean over him and he gets a good look right into the collar of your shirt.
… simon
- is emotional and clingy. can’t get enough of you, won’t leave you alone. you can’t make out half his words when he’s had this much to drink (and the mancunian in him breaks out too, making it ever harder to make out the words), but you play along, smile and nod and let him sit on the closed toilet seat and talk and talk while you do your night routine in front of the mirror. so lucky to have you, luv. how could’a lug like me get a pretty one like you, luv. his melancholy statements of love become comfortable background noise for you as you remove your makeup and apply moisturiser. lets you wash the sweat and grime of the day off his face with a washcloth, closes his eyes while you massage your floral-scented moisturiser into his skin, never once stopping his little speech. ambles after you out of the bathroom, holding on to the hem of your shirt, when you’re all finished and ready for bed. his devoted mutters only let up when be falls asleep next to you.
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