#pretend you don't see this if it doesn't happen bc i honestly still have trust issue with ferrari

[sainzstorms]

manifesting the leclerc brothers will be championship contenders in f1 & f2, respectively 🙏

[whumpshaped]

Stray 1

hi im here to bring u a fun lil interactive thing bc i felt inspired. will this have a second chapter before november? uhhhhh idk man...... anyway have fun

masterlist

tw institutional/systemic pet whump, second person pov (and you're the pet!), forced to eat gross stuff, memory loss, past trauma, dehumanisation

You stumble out of the facility with the vague understanding that you want to leave. You can't quite remember why, you can't quite remember what you had before the facility, and you can't quite remember what's so bad about the place... but something in you is screaming at you to run.

So you run.

Even as the evening air clears your head, the memories don't come back to you. You have no concept of life before being a pet, outside of a few flashes of faces you think you might've known at one point and places you might've frequented. It's not a lot, not even enough to convince you they aren't dreams that lodged in your head for a little too long.

Maybe this is a mistake, honestly. You're basing your entire escape on these flashes, and a weird gut feeling. Now you're on the run from the Pet Protection Agency, and you have zero idea how to survive as a stray. It'd be so much easier to turn back around and give yourself up... but god, this nagging feeling in the back of your mind just won't leave you alone. You have to keep running.

Days pass, and you learn what kinds of food in the dumpster are still fit for consumption. Weeks pass, and you learn how to seem semi-normal. How to blend in and pretend you're a person. Months pass, and you're starting to run out of stamina. Of drive. Of motivation. It's getting colder, too. You're thinking of turning yourself in again.

You don't even make an effort anymore. You stay in the same alleyway, go through the same dumpster... Sometimes you venture a bit further out, but at this point, you're entirely over it. If the PPA's people find you, so be it. Being a stray is miserable.

But one day, a small offering appears on the ground. It's a little plastic bowl with some kind of paste in it. It smells... suspicious. It's definitely not for you– no, that's not true. It's definitely for you, but it's clear that the person who left it doesn't... know who you are. What you are.

You crawl a bit closer, your stomach rumbling loudly. Maybe just a scoop. A bite. Maybe it's not that bad. Maybe eating cat food is fine, under certain circumstances. Maybe you can trick yourself into liking it, even.

Well... as soon as you try it, you realise that won't be happening. But food is food, and you're desperate. You can only hope it won't poison you.

The empty bowls disappear every morning, and a full one appears every evening. The routine soothes you somewhat. Of course it does, you're just a pet, and pets need routine — another reason why it was utterly stupid to run and throw yourself into a life of uncertainty. But in an odd turn of events, you accidentally found someone who seems to care, and that's comforting.

One evening, while you're furiously rubbing your hands together to create some semblance of warmth, you hear the stranger enter the alley. You hear the telltale scratch of the bowl against the ground as they set it down, and your mouth waters despite knowing how gross the food is. But you don't hear them leaving.

"Here, love. I've brought you some food," they — he? — say softly, and you realise your mysterious patron saint is planning on staying this time. He wants to see where his food is going, clearly. An infinite number of options and fears run through your head all at once.

What if he's with the PPA? What if this has all been a setup? What if he's going to be angry about you not being a sweet little animal? What if he's a horrible person who's just playing you? What if– what if–

~

i'm gonna start a separate taglist for this so lmk if u wanna be on it :) also no promises whatsoever abt the updates i just felt rly in the mood for smth like this tonight

@whumpsday @the-scrapegoat

[running-with-the-feels]

Headcanons for Hanzo & Kuai adopting a daughter? I get girldad vibes from both of then

honestly you are so right tho

I think it could go a few ways, bc I don't think they'd set out to adopt a kid, I think it's something that would sort of happen to them.

So if Hanzo is the one suddenly caring for a girl:

He found her in the wreckage of her home, just barely older than a toddler and crying her eyes out.

Shirai Ryu take in sole survivors, so he brings her back to the compound and she just clings to him, refusing to let anyone else near her.

Then Kuai Liang shows up to an alliance meeting and is stunned to find Hazno carrying a small child and suddenly wonders if he's been in a coma for a few years bc how else can you explain this.

As soon as he finds out the truth, he is immediately on board, making her ice sculptures as toys, teaching her to ice skate, showing her how to throw a punch (bc every little girl should know how to defend herself, Hanzo, why are you looking at me like that it's not like I gave her a knife yet)

Kuai Liang becomes her new favorite person and Hanzo pretends he's not bothered by it (He also just thinks Kuai Liang looks good with a kid and doesn't know how to process that)

Takeda and Frost both latch onto her as well, taking her under their wing and being the bad influence every older sibling should be. Within a week of knowing them, baby girl has pulled three pranks (one of which dyed Hanzo's hair bright pink) and shows no signs of slowing down. Takeda and Frost are very proud.

Generally, I think she'd have a decently normal childhood except for all the kombat training and superpowers.

But if Kuai Liang is the one suddenly caring for a girl, depends on where in the timeline it happens, I'm gonna go with it happening after he and Hanzo have made peace (but I have so many headcanons for how it works at other points in the timeline someone pls ask me about them, give me an excuse to ramble I BEG):

He's on a mission when he finds a baby crying on the doorstep of the safehouse he's using, with a note explaining that she is a cryomancer and needs to be protected. Understandably, he's a little suspicious at how anyone knew he was here, but resolves to figure it out another day.

Literally the moment she looks at him, he's gone, that baby girl is his new reason for living and he would do anything for her, 0-60 in no time flat just absolutely ride or die.

He names her after his mother

Kuai Liang brings her back with him to the Lin Kuei and she becomes the clan's best kept secret, not a Word of her existence gets out bc Kuai Liang is understandably worried that someone will try to take her (that note was pretty suspicious after all), and everyone in the clan is just instantly smitten. Frost in particular declares herself baby Ru's protector. If Kuai Liang isn't holding her, Frost is.

Hanzo comes to the temple for an impromptu alliance meeting, kinda worried bc they weren't scheduled to meet for a week and then just sees Kuai Liang with a baby in his arms and short circuits (is also hit with some Horrendous baby fever because jesus Kuai Liang looks good with a baby, fucking hell)

Hanzo is the only person Kuai Liang trusts that has had a kid before (look, we love Johnny, but man cannot keep a secret to save his life) so naturally Kuai Liang called him for help.

Hanzo is also enchanted by baby Ru from the moment he holds her and helps Kuai Liang set up a proper nursery, get everything he needs, and volunteers himself for babysitting duty whenever needed. He and Frost end up making peace solely because of baby Ru.

Hanzo also ends up moving into the Lin Kuei temple for a couple months (he still does go check on his own clan, he's basically just taking a leave of absence) and helps Kuai Liang learn how to parent. They take turns going to settle her when she wakes up in the middle of the night, that way at least one of them gets some sleep.

That's how they end up getting together, Hanzo has to go back to the Shirai Ryu for a week and when he comes back Kuai Liang is exhausted and running on fumes as he hands baby Ru over, kissing Hanzo with a mumbled thank you, and then shuffling off to bed.

If they both end up suddenly looking after a little girl:

They're on a mission post-Kronika being defeated (in an AU where the timeline didn't get reset bc fuck that), and they find one of Shang Tsung's labs that he rebuilt after escaping Kronika's void.

It's a new version of the flesh pits pretty much and in it he's made clones of all the various defenders, but not clones of just one at a time, like he mixes the DNA of two or more defenders together to make a kid. (Think laura from the xmen)

Every defender basically gets a new kid (Kitana, Liu Kang, and Kung Lao have an understandably Wild set of reactions to that which I will Happily ramble about given the opportunity) and that includes Hanzo and Kuai Liang who's DNA was mixed to create a little girl who is about ten when they find her (that's as far as Shang Tsung could speed up the aging process, all these kids look about ten but none actually are)

She's got Hanzo's temper and Kuai Liang's stubbornness so it's a bit of a rocky start, especially since she is so confused about the situation, but once she gets settled, she warms up to them pretty quickly.

They take her to the Shirai Ryu bc Kuai Liang understandably has some negative associations with a child that age being within the walls of the Lin Kuei temple.

She's absolutely unhinged and wild, just no sense of decorum. When she's bored, she will just Leave and go hide in the woods so at least one person must have eyes on her at all times (Hanzo briefly considers a backpack leash but Kuai Liang immediately shoots him down.

She's also shockingly talented at Kombat, which Kuai Liang is very concerned by and he tries to give her some constructive hobbies to balance her out, like painting. She takes to it quite well, but also really enjoys drawing quite spooky things so its a mixed bag.

She and Frost are always either the best of friends or at each other's throats there is no in between. Hanzo is worried by how often they throw knives at each other but Kuai Liang and Bi-Han did the same so he's not very concerned by that.

Takeda finds her unsettling at first (partly because he wasn't introduced to her before he stumbled across her in the woods, cooking and eating a rat she had killed bc she got bored.

They end up getting along fine once the situation is explained, but that was quite a shock.

When she's fifteen she joins the Lin Kuei officially, bc that is the youngest Kuai Liang will allow her to be when she joins and trains with them full time.

Eventually, Frost takes over as grandmaster and baby girl becomes the next Sub-Zero, the two becoming a deadly team as Takeda becomes grandmaster of the Shirai Ryu

Lemme know if you want more, bc I can do more

[wheeler-fan]

people are so weird. Mike is a character who went through a huge trauma at a young age (I hope I don't have to explain to you how traumatizing it is to lose someone important to u? look at nancy, joyce, hopper, etc.) many people question his trauma because "he only knew El for a few days so it couldn't be that serious " but apparently it was? apparently it was since he sat in the basement day after day for almost a year talking to himself out loud pretending that she heard it even though he knew full well that she was dead, the scenes of him calling her always ended up showing Mike who thinks that what he is doing is stupid but he still can't stop it, he feels like he is losing his mind but is afraid to ask for help. Even though he had known El for a few days, it was serious enough for him to fall into such a mental disorder - just look at him in s2: a 13-year-old kid, totally not paying attention to his appearance, wearing old dirty shoes (look at max in s4, she always paid attention to her shoes, well not in s4 and guess why?) in random clothes that he wouldn't wear on his own if he cared (a sweater that everyone loves ) he started to be mean to adults (teachers, parents) it was hard for him to find time for friends even though he had plenty of it, he just didn't have the strength or desire for it, he forgot that he had plans, he was doing worse at school and much more - do you think this is what a healthy person looks like? no, this is a person who literally begs for help but not with words because he can't find the right ones.

the way he behaves in s3-4 didn't come out of nowhere either. Listen, Eleven's return was literally a miracle for him, she was dead, right? and suddenly she's next to him, safe and sound, the problem is that he's not. Depression can't just go away, it's a mental illness, not a bad mood. But he did everything, literally everything he could, to make her believe that everything was ok, and honestly? he really wanted to believe it too, he wanted it to be like that, he wanted to have a normal, happy life and she did too, and besides, they both deserved it, right? and they almost succeeded, at the beginning of s3 we see that it led to the fact that they became very close to each other, it was difficult for them to function without each other, we literally have a scene where Mike (already late anyway) leaves El to go to his friends and she says that she wants to be with him (they spent the whole day together). well, they were 14 years old, in their first relationship and they really wanted everything to be perfect - and it was for them until they encountered an obstacle.

I won't describe the entire course of their relationship in s3 because that's not the point, I'm talking about Mike's behavior because many people don't understand his "obsession" with her in s3. I will explain it to you using the example of Lucas: imagine what hell he is going through his head right now bc of Max who's in a coma, okay, let's assume that it will last about a year (and it will literally destroy him mentally) and then suddenly a miracle will happen - a real miracle, because Max will not only wake up, but she will be 100% fine (she will be able to walk, see, etc.) Lucas will gain hope for a chance - a chance for them to have the happy normal life together that they deserve, and for some time it will be like that and then lucas will start reliving the old nightmare over and over again like in hell :every time Max will say "it's okay, don't worry, trust me, I can do it" and then every time something bad happens, she will be the first person to risk her life for others, and always, I repeat ALWAYS, when Lucas wants to explain to anyone that it is terribly stressful for him, that he does not like it, that he doesn't want his girlfriend to be a target, and the only thing that he wants is a plan that doesn't endanger her life - then everyone will say that Lucas is a sexist who only wants to control max like his little pet that can't decide for itself. Because this is literally Mike's story in s3 if u like it or not. He is traumatized and people are misunderstanding him.

now, very often I see people comment on his monologue saying "I understand that he's afraid of losing her, but that much? bffr, it's definitely about something other than feelings for her, he probably loves Will" but that's exactly what it's about, no, his character is not just about his love for her, it's about all the trauma that he hasn't escaped from, you may think he made it but the truth is that he still carries it inside because no one has ever helped him with that - every time he is happy with El something bad happens to their relationship and he has to relive this nightmare all over again, and it has gotten so intense that in s4 we hear something really terrible from him when he confess to Will - not only he is afraid that he will lose her because she will die, he is afraid that she is no longer interested in him, and they don't need any catastrophe or the end of the world for him to lose her AGAIN. This only confirms the fact that he is not in the best condition, in fact this kid is calling for help but in a way that no one can understand.

honestly, I don't care if u ship mileven or byler, but don't u dare tell me that if mileven will be endgame then mike is nothing more than a guy in love with a main female character because that is just not true.

[bylertruther]

If I am guessing your cryptic question right, stonathan or steddie? Which one do I prefer? See more chemistry in? Is that it?

I saw more chemistry between Steddie honestly. Maybe because Eddie was openly flirty and Steve was flustered most of the time around him.

Stonathan - I don't see the chemistry that much because Jon did beat him up for insulting his family and him. Even though Steve came to apologise, it was more like a formality rather than a stepping stone to friendship. They could have been friends, but they didn't. For Jon, Steve is an immature idiot that he fought one time.

I have read one Stonathan fic and I couldn't see the chemistry there. It was a nice fic, but the chemistry was missing, I felt. But the Steddie fics have chemistry.

Jon honestly has more chemistry with Argyle than Steve.

I would love to hear your thoughts, Denise.

mmmmmm my lawyer told me to tell you tht i can neither confirm nor deny these assumptions but tht i Can reply to u otherwise <3 so hiii, anon 👋

that's fair. s1 jonathan and steve are works in progress for sure and then they drift apart again as their connections to nancy change. i do think that jancy's talk at the end can be interpreted as a hint that they'll interact again though, allowing jonathan to see firsthand what nancy meant, so maaaaaybe smth of some sort will happen there? who knows lol.

but! i do think that the apology was more than a formality. steve was really intent on going over there and making things right, he really felt like he'd fucked up and he wasn't expecting nancy to be there. he went for jonathan and really wanted to make things right with him. there was a desperate kind of sincerity there i felt in joe's portrayal. and then he seemed really pleased when jonathan received his gift later on! so, like. yk. i think jonathan's the one holding more resentment / preconceived notions than steve rn, which is understandable considering he doesn't know him like that, and why i think they planted tht seed i mentioned at the end there. there could still be more to them and i think there likely is!

tbh though i feel like i'd need more scenes with them to be able to say anything abt their chemistry on-screen. i get more ✨⚡️ from steve for those reasons tht i mentioned than i do jonathan rn. jonathan has had his defenses up too high n been too cold thus far, n charlie really sells tht n jon's trust issues lol. maybe it'll change in s5, maybe it won't.

as for steddie... i feel like you can say some of the same things? they became kind of friends towards the end there because eddie went to go save him and they had that little bonding moment where eddie opened up to him and got in his good graces. also... i feel like eddie's actions can be taken that way, but he's also a touchy-feely invades-your-personal-space kind of dude with other characters too. and i didn't really feel any electricity or interest there from steve's side, kind of the opposite of the stonathan situation. like joe wasn't leaning into what people believe joseph was.

it felt like interactions between a heroic jock who aggravatingly really is more than what people say and a freak who's had to puff his chest up n act tougher than he really is to survive, and how they navigate that as young men. like actually tough vs pretends to be. and there's a a kind of sheepishness on eddie's side where the freak who talks abt how others are so quick to judge n be hostile is now being saved n helped n treated well by someone tht he did all of tht to, this kind of ... ingratiating n dare i say submissive mannerisms tht i think ppl read as just flirting.

and then steve's mostly just there, taking this in and occupying the same space as him, more focused on the others, but still wanting to be nice n give his thanks bc he's just that guy n does it with everyone. he's chuffed tht eddie's blowing smoke up his ass, but i don't view him as being bewitched. when did you find steve to be flustered? i'd like to go back and watch, maybe i'll see it this time :)

jargyle my beloved 💚 i think it helps tht argyle is jonathan's friend, so there's naturally going to be this easygoing flow between them tht wouldn't be present in his scenes with steve. i think they play off each other wonderfully, but.. hm. idk. there's chemistry yes bc they definitely sell that safe harbor you're my only friend ride or die kind of relationship, but it's not like ... tht Charged kind of chemistry, if tht makes sense?

thank u for answering :)

[loveyourlovelysoul]

I don't feel safe at home. Since a year now. They don't beat me but their words cut, with a threatening tone. I can't go live alone. I don't know what to do. I tried showing them love despite this but it doesn't work. I'm tired of it.

First of all, I'm really sorry to read about this. Feeling safe in our home should be something everyone has to experience through all their life, no matter what. I don't know what they tell you or accuse you of, but it could be that they're simply throwing all their pain on you and not have it really against you despite some triggers they may get from you (and beware, I'm not trying to say they're right. At all. It's never right to project our own pain and traumas on others, especially when they have nothing to do about it -and generally it's all our own reaction to something-. But it can happen). And even when we respond with love, they may not change anything in their behaviour cause they're not used to it or won't get the reason behind it (sometimes because some people are differently sensitive from us or simply bc they are too triggered to see a different way to act and practice it). Ofc in such a situation it's normal to feel unsafe and wanting to go away: it gets to a point in which it becomes unbearable to stay in such a place and even boundaries we may put on seem not enough. We need to feel safe to live better and feel better.

Have you tried asking to a friend or some other family member you trust? Even just support in talking about/to the people you live with. I know not feeling safe doesn't help you in talking with those people and being vulnerable. And this all adds to you feeling drained by the whole situation, living on eggshells, constantly fighting for yourself, and having to dismiss the pain to turn it into love (this is what drains us the most in general): this is also what makes you so special and strong tbh. But you know it already, so back to your question. I had suggested once (but honestly it was a slightly different job-related situation) to wear a mask and pretend: in order to save ourselves, pretending the aggressor is "right" (meaning: asking what we're doing wrong, why, how should we do things, making them realize stuff while talking calmly... playing dumb too, if you want: they may not expect it) could do, but I don't thing it can work on the long term everyday as it may cause us to not recognize ourself anymore (we need to work a lot on ourself first and our on values). So probably this is not for you (also cause I am not sure what they do fr), but I'll leave it here still as maybe someone else may need it.

I am sure you have already tried but the only thing I can suggest you is to try and just recover some energy as for now: sleep, take naps... take a break from everything else and focus on regaining energies (even just a day or two). In the meantime work on creating your own safe place to reconnect with yourself and find your inner peace: even few moments everyday. Lock your room's door or just go out for a walk if you can (I'd say a vacation but not having money.... a one day vacation? Maybe nearby): leaving a toxic environment even for only an hour every day could help you breathe a little. And then try and see what it is something that you love doing: work on your passion on the thing that makes you feel good and relaxes you, and make it turn into a job. e.g. Write and send your writings/book to someone that may be a publisher or a journal (short stories), be bold. You never know. Don't give up/lose hope after the first no, even if you're drained. Keep sending until you get 2 or 3 yes. If you feel you don't have enough knowledge about your passion, study a little about it (you can find anything online) but trust me: you can build up your knowledge on the way. Just start. It'll help you get some money and maybe leave that place. Keep your focus on your goal and sure, it'll take some time to realize it, but if you happen to find the right person while you're being bold and showing off your abilities, it may even take less. I do hope this is your case tbh. Wishing you can be strong a bit more. Do not give up please. And again, try to ask for help to a close friend or anyone else if you can. I'm sorry but that's all I can come up with atm. Sending you a huge hug.

[jayflrt]

56 years since i last sent an ask . hello jayflrt 🙏 caught up w the updates AND WHERE DO I START????? this is all over the place by the way.

first of all jayyn washington date ┬┬﹏┬┬ they're so cute god take away all their problems double them and give them to sungjin, yuna and whoever that client is 🙏 that washington trip definitely took a turn . . . for good i hope . AND HEEJAY R SO CUTE LIKE THEIR DRINKING SESSION TOGETHER? fuck romance we need their friendship to thrive ‼️ and hoon as well ^^ i know this is all for the major angst that's coming up INCLUDING ALL THE THINGS JAY'S TELLING YN ESP ABOUT HER BEING NICE TO BE AROUND AND ALL BUT HE'S ONLY WITH HER FOR HIS TASK u love to torture us. i am not ready for the angst if jayyn dont end up together i will end it all and pretend this smau never happened.

AND. the interviews. that the fuck r the questions i hope someone asked me what kind of tree i want to be during interviews 😭 btw i am asking u the same question. what type of tree would u want to be?? bc it's an interesting question nonetheless. PLUS the way i gasped when jay said he wanted to punch sunghoon....in front of sungjin. ok i kinda knew it won't end badly ( i could be wrong but jay wouldnt fuck up that easily i trust him. ) it was all so fun and games we have hoonyn back as friends, hee hoon r almost okay as well AND THEN YUNA? I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH HER? look i dont blame her for being the way she is since it mostly roots back to his parents but she's making it everyone's problem rn :/ IT'S SO ANNOYING LIKE I SAW YUNA'S PIC ON THE TL TODAY AND I WAS LIKE 'GIRLLLLL WHY R U DOING THIS' THIS SMAU IS EATING MY BRAIN 😭😭😭😭😭

btw im sorry for literally sending an essay here. ur logic behind everything esp how u've written the secret society and the whole thing about why it's called order of kyrptos ++ is so so good im loving this so far :o i hope u have a good day ahead ^_^

HELLO!!! omg how have you been?? 🌷 AHH NO WORRIES I'LL JUST REPLY TO THEM ALL 🏃‍♂️ I HOPE IT WASNT A HASSLE TYPING ALL THIS OUT

omg the washington chapter was like the only break they were able to catch 🥲 and then shit hits the fan as soon as mc leaves!!!! like i'd take that flight right back atp 🚶‍♂️ LMAOAO heeseung is wearing the #1 jay supporter crown rn honestly they're a married couple in another life ! BUT YES UNFORTUNATELY THERE IS THE IMPENDING ANGST but i am a firm believer in happy endings don't worry

nah seriously enough with "where do you see yourself in 5 years" i'd like to be asked how i see myself as a tree. also i think i'd probably like to be a bonsai tree just so i can be pampered. or a redwood tree because those are HUGE and they must receive so many hugs 🫂 what do you think you would be 🫢 LMFAOO it definitely could've ended worse for jay but he clutched up so well with the sunghoon throwing up excuse. also unfortunately yuna's still around but she won't be as big a presence as she was in the first act 😩 but so true she's absolutely a product of her upbringing but that doesn't excuse how she acts out with her friends :// like enough!!! HAHAH thankfully yuna's so pretty and makes me short circuit to the point that whenever i see her pictures online my only thoughts are Omg she's so pretty 😭😭

omg no you're totally good i love reading + replying 🧎‍♀️ also thank you for reading my story !! it makes me so glad to hear that you're enjoying the plot so far <3

[lovethisletters]

Poly MC! hc for the: Demon Brothers!

This is my first time writing anything about poly relationships! So I'm a bit nervous! I took the time to do a bit of research about the subject...however I still have a lot to learn; if you find anything that might be offensive please let me know! Just know I didn't do it with any ill intentions and I'll make sure to correct my mistakes!

Also I didn't knew if you refered to a poly MC who is in a relationship with all of the brothers or how each individual brother would react to MC coming out as poly to them and later starting a poly relationship and how they behave in said relationship...so I did the latter bc I found it to be a bit more easy to write and the first option would have been way too long and I was worried it might come off as boring because of it :c (but maybe I'll try to edit it and then upload it...some day...idk)

so...here it is!

Keys: MC = your main character name

Summary: MC comes out as poly to the Demon Brothers and how they behave in a poly relationship!

Additional notes: MC is gender neutral!

TW: small mentions or implications of jealous/possessive behavior (they're very minimal, but still...just in case)

▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️

Lucifer

Lucifer is probably the one you're the most nervous to talk to.

But when you finally find the courage to do so it goes...to put it mildly, a bit... weird.

He stares blankly at you like you just said to him that water is a liquid or something, he's not very...responsive.

His reaction might come off as rude, considering you spend all this time trying to figure out the "best" way to come out and talk about the possibility of starting a poly relationship.

But the reason why he's not talking much is because he's trying to avoid saying anything he might regret later, you see... he's trying to process his own feelings towards the matter.

Lucifer is someone who has lived for a long, looooooong time, so it's more likely than not that he's already experienced being in a poly relationship.

thing is...such relationship was more experimentation rather than something serious.

And now he has you...someone for who he'll be willing to die for...

He won't say it but deep down he feels like his pride has been bruised.

He just doesn't want to "share" you, you're his and his alone!

But when he looks up at you, and see just how nervous you are, waiting patiently for any kind of reaction from him.

He realizes he's thinking of you as an object and not a person and mentally kicks himself in the face for it.

Lucifer reaches for your hand and offers you a small smile.

After a long conversation where you two express your own desires and worries, you two agree and decide to give it a try.

At first... I'm not gonna lie...it would be quite... difficult...

The man is possessive and struggles to see you giving any kind of affection to any of his brothers.

However I think he genuinely wants this to work, he wants to see you happy and knows that just because you also love his brothers doesn't mean you love him any less.

So he'll sit down and talk to you whenever he feels jealous, he knows communication is key and it honestly makes him feel a bit better.

With time Lucifer comes to accept it; He loves you and he loves his brothers and it makes him happy that they all can share such bond with you.

Mammon

I think he's the one who'll have a harder time adapting to a poly relationship.

I'll even go as far to say Lucifer's jealousy pales in comparison to Mammon's and I think this is due to his low self-esteem.

He won't accept it but he's jealous af when he sees you "getting cozy" with any of his brothers.

He'll even interrupt the moment by placing himself in the middle of whoever you were getting close to or think about some lame excuse to take you away.

This makes things more difficult and tense for everyone, so if Mammon continues his shenanigans expect a LOT more arguing from the brothers...(yes...more than normal...)

You'll have to sit him down and talk to him about his insecurities.

The first times he won't be very open with you, I think he might even get a bit angry if you even imply he's jealous and act all offended and walk out of the room.

Surprisingly the one who makes him understand how toxic he's being and how much this affects you is Asmo!

He'll have a serious talk with him, and just the fact of seeing his often bubbly and cheerful young bro being all serious is enough for Mammon to realize that what he's been doing and how he's been acting hurts you and his brothers.

He'll apologize...the Mammon way...

But ultimately he now makes an effort to respect whenever you're close to one of his brothers.

Just like Lucifer. Mammon will come to accept you love him and his brothers all the same.

He'll sometimes even suggest places you all can go together for a date.

Please, be patient with the avatar of greed with time he will come to accept that love exist in more than one way or form.

Leviathan

Surprisingly, unlike his older brothers, your favorite shut-in-otaku has an easier time adapting to a poly relationship.

Easier, however does not mean problems are inexistent...

He has a low self-esteem and sometimes might get the feeling that you're ""picking favorites""

However he won't tell you anything about it, and he'll just try to pretend like nothing is wrong.

Fortunately for you, Levi is quite easy to read so you immediately notice whenever he's feeling sad.

But all you have to do is have a little gaming session with him, and as the two of you "game" the night away he'll eventually open up to you about whatever is bothering him.

All it takes is a little reassurance and saying "I love you" to the avatar of envy from time to time and he'll be all good with you showing affection to the rest of his brothers.

Satan

Uhhhh...this is a tricky one...

You see...Satan is probably the second brother you came out to and perhaps you didn't even realized that you did because it just happened so natural.

The two of you were talking and it just slipped out of your mouth and he was like "hahaha, right?" And continued the conversation as normal.

He genuinely doesn't care, (don't get me wrong I don't mean that in a bad way) but all he knows is that he loves you and he wants you to be happy, and if expanding the love that the two of you have to his brothers makes you happy, then so be it!

However... remember I said this was tricky?

Satan has no issue with you being affectionate with his brothers...all of them except for Lucifer...

When he sees you getting close to Lucifer he won't say anything, he won't make a scene or a passive-agressive remark, he'll just excuse himself and exit the room. (Neither he will confront you about it later when the two of you are alone)He won't say anything at all; he'll just stay silent and pretend like nothing is wrong.

However you'll be able to notice Satan's true feelings whenever Lucifer has a small present or gesture with you.

Oh? Lucifer gifted you a $300,000 coat? Well, Satan will give you another coat but this one is $600,000.

Lucifer treated you to dinner at ristorante six? Well, darling... guess what? Satan will reserve the entire building just for you!

At some point he will notice how bad this makes you feel, since he's turning a relationship into a competition and that's no good...

He'll eventually take a step back and realize how childish he's being, how his behavior hurts your feelings and might have even made you feel guilty or responsible for his beef with his older brother.

Before you even decide to talk to him about it, he already knows what you're trying to say, so he'll be the one to sit you down and apologize for his wrongdoings.

You're someone who he values dearly and all that he wants is for you to be happy, so he'll be willing to make the effort to get along or at least be a little more tolerant of Lucifer.

There might be times where they still fight and stop talking to each other for long periods of time, but the two of them will take the time to let you know that this has nothing to do with you and that there's no reason for you tu feel guilty.

Because if there's something in wich both, the avatar of pride and wrath agree in... Is in how much they love you.

Asmodeus

Asmodeus (definitely) was the first one to know about you being polyamorous.

He probably knew before you even said anything, let's be honest here...

He's probably the one who you're more comfortable talking about it.

The brothers accept you, yes...but Asmo understands you!

He knows that the world can be quite cruel to people who love differently to what our society stablish as "normal".

Whenever he expressed his liking for more than one person he was shamed or labeled as someone promiscuous who'll never be deserving of "true" love.

It happened in the celestial realm, in the human realm, and even sometimes here in the devildom.

Angels where expected to only focus in the lord and nothing else, some humans are close minded and shame whoever is different from them, and demon's often confuse love with obsession and get easily tangled up in possessive behavior, often viewing their partners as objects rather than individuals with their own goals and desires. (his brothers are the perfect example of that)

So he just knows how difficult it might have been for you to find acceptance.

So he gives it to you; acceptance, reassurance, however many times you need to.

He'll be the one to encourage you to talk with his brothers, he'll be there to support you if you ever feel nervous, and he'll be the one to call his brothers out on their bs whenever they start to show any signs of toxic behavior.

He knows in all relationships communication and trust in your partners is key to a successful relationship, so he reminds this to everyone and even goes as far as to make plans where everyone feels included.

Overall the avatar of lust is the voice of reason in this relationship, because he knows better than anyone else that love is something that can't and should never be limited by what others believe or expect "true love" should look like.

Beelzebub

You weren't sure how Beel would react once you told him.

But still you were pleasantly surprised by Beel's reaction!

He was so accepting from the beginning and even thanked you for trusting him enough to share this with him.

He's happy that you want him to form part of this relationship.

He knows his brothers love you as much as he does and that you love them back, so he sees this as the perfect option for everyone.

He even thinks this relationship has brought everyone closer together.

Over all the avatar of gluttony is more than happy to be with you and share your affection with people he holds equally as dearly.

Belphegor

Belphie, much like Lucifer struggles to understand why would you want such a thing?

Is his love not enough for you?

It takes little more time for him to understand you, and learn that love doesn't just limits to one person.

He can be a bit insensitive some times, so he might accidentally say something hurtful to you about it.

And that's when Asmo has to intervene...

He'll have a talk with his younger brother and make him realize that there's more than one form of love and how his words might have hurt you.

He'll apologize...(much like Mammon) in his own way...

After thinking about it for a while, he realizes he's happy whenever you show affection to Beel, and wonders if it would be the same with the rest of his brothers.

Slowly but surely, Belphie it's more open to this new relationship.

There'll be times where he might try to monopolize your love, but he'll stop once you, Beel or Asmo call him out on it.

His favorite thing of this new relationship is whenever you spend time with him and Beel.

Please be patient with the avatar of sloth.

▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️

If you find any grammatical errors let me know! I'm trying to improve my english and that would help me so so much!

I will forever thank you if you go check out my other profile: @aileysmirnov  where I post things about my OC: edits, one-shots, imagines, art, etc. If you like Greek mythology and the bat family maybe you would get to be as fond of her as much as I am!

Anyway, thank you for reading!

[wordstro]

hello?? seonghwa... could actually be fucking possessed by those things in the sky?? and is now serving as some sort of food supplier for the fog creatures, whilst pretending to still be human?? ok this could be a bit far-fetched BUT if it's true, then i definitely think that y/n, san, and jongho could use this to their advantage to take down the sanctuary. tbh i don't think even jongho or hongjoong would know about seonghwa's possible possession, which is why i think y/n exposing him could lead to their escape. idk if i'm making any sense but regardless, this was a really great part (not like the others haven't been stellar as well)!

i wasn't surprised to hear of san and yeo's relationship, and i feel like them parting ways romantically but still caring for one another is super important to express because you can still care for a person even if you're not in love with them anymore ya know? like y/n was wondering about the difference of loving vs being in love with someone in the last part, but honestly i think that distinction was made clear in this part for yeo and san. i feel like people place so much emphasis on romantic relationships all the time when loving someone like a friend is still one of the most powerful things out there, and what happened to yeo and san doesn't negate their past romantic feelings, but it also doesn't mean they don't still love each other at all. their love for each other just took a different path, transformed. i personally think of love as a kind of energy that can shift and change all the time, and that's not a bad thing.

additionally, i feel like y/n and san's relationship is like, inching its way to normalcy, and maybe one day they can move forward, learn to trust and outwardly care for one another again. i really do hope they reach that catharsis eventually, it'll feel better for the both of them 🥹 can't wait to see what happens next! take care of yourself!! - ⭐️

me reading your first paragraph like

thank you though!!! i’m glad you liked this part. i’m feeling sm pressure with this fic bc it started out as something fun and now yall are sending so many thoughts and it’s all so smart and i’m like are they gonna like where this goes???? 😭 but i love reading your thoughts so thank you thank you thank you

i LOVE that you like the commentary on love. i think platonic and romantic love are equally as important and this fic really is all about the distinction between being in love and loving someone and how that can blur often, but it’s not any different from each other. like u said loving someone like a friend is just as powerful and i feel the same way as you do about love. like all we have is Love and it doesn’t matter what kind it is, really, just that it’s love.

san and y/n are getting there 😭😫 we’ll see how long it takes hahahah

[syubub]

BTS SOULMATES WORST HABIT/ QUALITY

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes and only my interpretation of the cards. Do not take it as fact~

Anon, I love this very much!! Thank you for requesting it!

Seokjin

I got: 7 of wands rev., Take a fucking trip ( Go see some shit. Do some new things. Talk to people cooler than you.), Stop obsessing ( You are not the centre of the fucking universe)

So. This person tends to get overwhelmed easily and can be a bit of a workaholic at times.

This is someone who gets so so so focused their failures and faults and stuff that they kinda become blinded by that

I pulled a clarity and got 9 of swords.

This really is someone who spirals in anxiety when things aren't going well and likely snaps at the people around them.

Its absolutely unintended but when they get overwhelmed they kinda detatch from the world and they can only see as far as their nose.

Likely gets so in their head that they forget things about other people and it can come off as being very self-centered, cold, bitchy ect.

Yoongi

Lol

A lot of cards came out.

We have: 2 of cups, Drop the fucking ego. (Vulnerability is hot as fuck.), Ask a fucking expert. (Don't rely on your friends or the Internet. Listen to a damn professional.), Stop fucking whining. (No one wants to listen to that shit. Complaining makes you weak. You have the strength to change your world-so do it.), You need a good fucking cry. (Get the ugly cry on. Let that shit go. Your soul will thank you.)

They tend to romanticize life to the point that they think that something will come and change their life for them

But that isn't how shit works

They have mad issues with getting vulnerable and admitting that they are struggling or that they aren't happy where they are.

Emotionally constipated lol

Definitely has a hard time letting other people in bc of trust issues

They don't really outwardly emote often so it all builds up.

They think that independence means you can't look for guidance and thats bad

Very much ignoring the work they have to do to get to where they want to be but still pretending like they are getting closer to it

Ugh

They have a lot of shit to work out in the emotions department

They also seem to just have a general lack of grounding.

Hoseok

Oki

I got: 10 of swords rev., the tower, Stop talking. (Shut your mouth and listen.) Winning. (You got a good thing going. Don't ruin that shit.)

This is someone who can't keep their foot out their fucking mouth.

Dear god.

Its all good intentions but they say way more than they need too and it can ruin things for them.

They also can be too open.

They also resist change too much.

They fear self change.

They couldn't give a shit about external change but breaking old habits and old patterns is something they just don't like to do

So as a result they don't ever challenge their views internally.

This can leave them with a shaky foundation (putting off that tower moment) of old views and outdated information.

This can make them pretty damn judgmental at times.

They just need to let the tower moment happen and reasses all of their beliefs to figure out what they truly stand for and who they are, not just what has been forced in them (societal, parental. Even friends)

Also likely gullible

EMBRACE INNER CHANGE

Jesus, you're gonna give me a fuckin migraine

Its frustrating because THEY KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO BUT THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO

I feel bad for your guides, hobi's soulmate.

JUST DO IT

Namjoon

...

I got: Hanged man rev., 2 of swords, What the hell are you waiting for? Get that shit done. (If you were waiting for a sign-well, here it ucking is.), Don't believe every shitty thought you have. (Thoughts can be lying, sneaky bastards)

This is a procrastinator.

They tend to avoid things when they are faced with things that are unpleasant or even really good.

They are frustratingly doing nothing.

Big big big avoider.

STOP DOING THAT

Doesn't really want to do better.

They are content where they are for the simple reason that they don't want to experience discomfort by actively going after what they truly want in life

THIS DOESNT HELP ANYONE

They are also VERY passive when they are procrastinating

Jimin

Bring it.

We have: The magician, You are loved. (You are here for a reason. Don't fuck it up.), Have you eaten? (Your acting like a big ass baby. You need food in your belly. Either fucking taco.)

Well okay then.

I think this ties into jimins soulmate reading so I won't go too indepth about that part. You can read his soulmate reading here (x)

BUT

The thing that makes this their worst quality/ worst habit is because they have every tool and all of the want to help their situation but just don't?

And specifically another thing is that no matter how much someone tells this person that they love them, that they are important and that they matter, this person DOESN'T BELIEVE IT. The actively try to convince themselves otherwise.

Actively

On purpose

Because they don't know what else is a personality trait.

Again go read jimins soulmate read.

It's not that anyone blames them for this or anything but they actively reject help at times and get pissy about their situation.

You know what you need to do to fix your shit. Do it. Don't use it as your fucking personality.

You are more than that.

Dear god.

Theres a lot to say here.

Whatever situation it is, they are so stubborn and determined to do shit on their own and they have every resource but they are scared to lose a defining trait.

Ugh

I have a lot I want to say about this but I'll leave it here.

Taehyung

Oki oki

10 of wands, 2 of cups, you're giving too many fucks. (Give zero) and figure shit out on your own.

So this is someone how tends to overwork themselves.

They don't really know when to quit? They seem to be very determined but to their own detriment at times.

They also tend to carry the burden in any social relationship. People tend to use them?

They go along with it because they have a lot to offer and a lot to give and don't always have the boundaries to keep people from taking advantage of them.

They honestly just give too many fucks.

They value human connection so much that they will let themselves be a fucking doormat.

They feel very isolated even though they aren't (when I do the second soulmate read I think I'll have some more about this then)

Jungkook

Oki

We have: the tower, 7 of swords, eat your fucking vegetables. (Eat some shit made by mother nature), dont talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone. (You need some fucking time alone. And you know why)

First thing. I heard, "The diet of a child" and then "gamer girl" umm.

I have 2 things.

1. They take bad care of themselves when they go through a rough patch and the trend sneak away from everything (probably lie to get out of whatever obligations or do some sneaky shit) and eat fucking lunchables and kids cuisine microwave dinners with energy drinks exclusively

2. They tend to be ridiculously picky irl. Or just can't cook for shit so they only eat coffee pot Ramen.

Pull yourself together.

Their worst habit is withdrawing from everything when things get rough.

They don't take care of themselves and they drink Monster energy drinks like a scene kid from 2010.

That's gross.

Pls stop

[the-travelling-witch]

Holly! 🥺

Its Cookie🍪

Girl. Today I just need me a black coffee...just pure bitter.

I spent almost three weeks working on a research paper for one of my classes and kept wondering why I wasn't getting a grade. Only to receive an email today saying that my teacher unfortunately lost a fight to Covid-19☹

Sigh...life.

Anyways.

So I dont have a prompt today...but a question thats been on my mind a while now🤔

Among the genshin guys:

. Childe

. Thoma

. Diluc

. Kaeya

. Zhongli

. Itto

. Ayato

. Albedo

. Venti (don't know if you consider him an adult)

. Kazuha

. Xiao

Who do you think are virgins and who are not (what do you think their body count is if they aint virgins) Do you think they lowkey desperate for the action, the wait-for-marriage kinda guy, or simply doesn't care about it?

Thats all for now...Thank you❤

Cookie Customer 🍪

first of all, let me extend my sincerest condolences; even if you weren’t close to your teacher it’s painful nevertheless; i feel like a lot people see this pandemic as a done deal but we need to remember this is far from over

dramatic change of topic in 3…2…1…

suggestive/ nsfw-ish content below the cut (to be safe, minors shoo):

oof, okay here we go but don’t expect too much (warning: overuse of the word probably)

childe (i’m sorry, dear) likes to pretend he’s getting some but no, he has no experience at all; with that job and position at this age you really think he’s getting himself into any positions?

≫ despite talking all that, i don’t think childe would get down and dirty with anyone and while he’s a family man, i don��t think he’d wait for marriage either

thoma is not a virgin anymore but his body count isn’t that high either, hmm maybe one or two? he’s still the dutiful housekeeper of the kamisato clan, there’s a reputation and time management to keep up

≫ he definitely needs an emotional connection with someone before anything happens, so it probably only happens with someone he’s in a relationship with but he wouldn’t need to wait for marriage either

diluc…mmh, what do i do with you? on one hand he’s pretty distant with people he doesn’t know, so i don’t think he’d get any flings going but if he’s in a relationship i could see it happening; i guess we’re all on the same page when i say that diluc doesn’t do casual when it comes to relationships, so the body count is probably 0/1 depending on what i said previously

≫ neither desperate nor abstinent until marriage, more on the “doesn’t care” side of things (listen, he has a wine empire to run)

kaeya, kaeya, kaeya… his body count isn’t as high as his flirty demeanour would make you believe; he’s probably had a couple of flings just for the experience but there were no emotions involved and no strings attached; also, he hits the tavern a lot, people drink and…things happen, you know…

≫ not necessarily desperate but i think he craves emotional intimacy over everything, it’s something he doesn’t receive and give a lot

zhongli is hard for me full stop to judge, definitely not a virgin but he’s probably not as active as he used to be (man is a grandpa /j) but over 6000 years the number’s risen

≫ this man? desperate? yeah, no i can’t see it; i don’t think he’d wait for marriage either, well at least anymore, maybe when times and traditions were different?

itto, just like childe, is all bark no bite; i don’t think he could do one-night-stands though, he needs someone he knows, someone he can trust

≫ i think it’s not that itto himself sees sex as something he needs to have (he wants too though), i think it’s more a peer pressure sorta thing like he needs to lose his v-card to be a “man”??

ayato is another one where i had to think for a bit, he’s honestly too busy to get a lot of action and bc of his position as the head of the kamisato clan, he has a reputation to uphold, so no flings here either

≫ he’s honestly the only one where i can see a “wait until marriage” disposition but that too probably stems from his title, depending on how it’s handled in inazuma (arranged marriage maybe?)

albedo does it for science! or not at all, he’s not entirely human but obviously he knows about this particular activity; fascinated by the idea that something primarily intended for reproduction is done out of want not need, he’s curious to see what it’s all about

≫ he doesn’t really care, at least until he finds someone he’s actually interested in (depends also a bit on how his “research” went), waiting until marriage is just a social construct that he doesn’t partake in, why would he let traditions dictate what he does?

venti (who is in my eyes an adult) is uhhh… has uhhh… idk i can see this going two ways: his archon appearance gives a very angelic/ innocent vibe, like he’s just that pure but we all know venti…he’s not; he’s still lived for 2000+ years, so i don’t think it’s a stretch to say he has some experience but it’s hard to estimate a body count, i’m drawing a blank here

≫ on one hand, there’s his child-like demeanour and appearance but we’ve seen there’s so much more depth to his character, so i don’t think you can just write him off as naïve and inexperienced; on the other hand, he’s the god of freedom, do with that what you want

kazuha is too cool to be a virgin lol; but for real, he just gives me those chill vibes where he’s not really trying but people just flock to him; it’s not like he initiates it, he just kinda goes with the flow, idk how to explain it but i get these certain vibes from him that i can’t shake

≫ as i said, go with the flow kinda guy; not desperate for some action but also not bound by traditions or family to wait until marriage (he travels teyvat by himself, he can do what he wants)

xiao… yeah, karmic debt said no; considering his past, his current duties and his behaviour towards both mortals and adepti, i don’t think he’s been able to be that vulnerable with anyone (yet), he also doesn’t want anyone to possibly be affected by his karmic debt

≫ mortal concepts like marriage hold no real meaning to him anyway, so that’s not the obstacle here; much like kaeya, i think it’s emotional intimacy he seeks more than just physical pleasure, it would require a whole lot of trust for him to give himself to someone so openly in this way

phew, i hope i didn’t sound like a broken record at the end haha; those are just the first vibes i‘m getting but it’s not like i’d defend them to death

anyway, this is all just for fun, just remember there‘s not right or wrong thing to do here, don’t pressure yourself or let anyone else pressure you to do sth you don’t want to; the most important thing is to be comfortable and to take things at your own pace ❀

i hope the coffee and the company helped ♡

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

can i say a sort of pointless rambly thing i was thinking about that i can't put under the cut bc i'm on mobile?

jk, i'm not actually asking. ramble below, not edited for clarity. the following is completely unclear and i will not fix it:

i've been thinking about how part of the reason i'm so chill about caryl is bc growing up as a queer woc 99% of my main ships were like, never gonna fucking happen bc they literally couldn't. it was like, "omg, they gazed at each other from across the room, let's analyze the homosexual subtext of this one scene for the next fifty years, that's not necessarily hyperbole." i've watched all my ships fuck other ppl/have other love interests, and i knew that my thing was never gonna be canon, so to see like, one thing being like, "one half of my ship fucked another person several years ago while pining for the other half of my ship," i'm like...#nice, bc that can and likely will be used as a plot point to get them together later on, whereas in other situations i've been in i just kinda had to deal with it. so my impulse when i see ppl losing their shit is to be like

and to be slightly annoyed, tbh, bc the ship is still on track to be canon, and it's like, literally two white heterosexuals, they're prime candidates for juicy angsty pining that actually gets a resolution.

but!

that being said, i recognize that that attitude isn't necessarily fair. for one thing, i'm not the only queer woc (or some variation thereof) in this fandom, and some ppl's impulse might be exasperation instead, bc like, "wtf, even my mayohet ship has dumb fucking drama," and that's valid as hell, and i get it.

and also, i get that, even if you didn't grow up shipping impossible ships (or mulder/scully, bc that's a brand of bullshit all its own), this has been a suuuuper drawn out process where sometimes it feels like they're legit sprinkling crumbs to keep you hooked, just to play you again, and when you are invested in something, like /rly/ invested, especially if it's a form of escapism or hyperfixation or whatever, that can be e x h a u s t i n g. and i get that. i truly do, and while i make a lot of snide comments about the fandom being bonkers, i do get where the bulk of you are coming from (unless you're one of those ppl who hate on actors and esp actresses for just doing their jobs, and attack them on social media, in which case i am very much judging you and you need to get your life together).

i also realize that in the scheme of things i'm still a newbie. i've been here, what, twoish/threeish years, whereas some of you have been here since the beginning, so i'm not as worn out as y'all. but i also think that gives me a bit of objectivity that some of y'all have (understandably) lost.

my positivity is not meant as a sleight against those of you who are feeling negative, but is more of a semi-objective viewpoint (i say semi, bc lbr, i'm invested af in this, so i definitely have bias), and to me the threads of the storyline they're crafting seem sort of obvious.

like, let's look at it, yeah? they have one season left of this show that has been on for over a decade. they need to cater to everyone to give them a satisfying ending, while still hanging on to carylers bc of the spin-off. darylrreah seems like a very calculated move, bc it gives them both something to make abcers happy, while also creating tension and suspense and pining for carylers (i think they might underestimate just how fed up some carylers are tbh, and are banking on us to hang on for one last ride, which, honestly? if they play it right will probably work.)

if they end up doing a dumb love triangle thing, which, without seeing the episode and gauging the subtext i can't confidently say if i think they will or won't, it will ultimately end in our favor. it has to, bc leah isn't going to third wheel them on the bike in the spin-off. we can say with good authority that whatever that relationship ends up being (again, idk if they'll drag it out or not) it will be temporary. which leaves caryl open to ride off into the sunset and then bone down in every state in the united states and in puerto rico for good measure.

it's a lot of cheap drama, but i really and truly do not think it's anything to worry about, and i still really and truly trust kang to not make it out of character. ik ppl still don't agree with me on that point, and i'm not gonna argue, but to me it really does make perfect sense.

and i also predict that they are gonna play it up hardcore in the promotional shit and talking dead, but when that happens, remember it's bc it gets attention. regardless of where the story is ultimately going, relationship drama gets attention, which gets viewers, which gets amc and twd producers nice and comfy with full pockets

idk. to sum up ig i just wanted to clarify that i don't mean any harm with my relentless positivity. my history in fandom has just made this seem like nothing in comparison, bc while ppl are freaking out, i'm like, "oh damn, they're actually gonna get together by the end of this, aren't they? i didn't know that could happen!" and that makes me excited instead of upset

and you definitely don't have to listen to me. maybe i'm actually wrong. maybe i'm completely full of bullshit and am just good at making things sound confident. i got a lot of As on papers in college over books i never read, i know how to bs. but i also know how to analyze, and i while i will be the first to tell you i am not the best at a great many things, i do know that i am good at critically analyzing text while taking into account the context it was written in, and imho all signs point to canon caryl. when, i'm not entirely sure, but i see it happening. if it doesn't then they severely fucked up their storytelling, and that'd just be bad writing on their part.

(if you want proof that i'm good at reading writers'/producers' intentions, consider that i watched like, 8 seasons of supernatural before giving up, and said to myself, "i think they're gonna make destiel canon, but not until the very last second bc they are rly into catering to their fans but also have to consider their dumb fanboy audience so they can't do anything crazy overtly gay," and guess who hit the nail on the fucking head on that one)

none of this is important, but it was rattling around my mind grapes and i wanted to write it down into something vaguely coherent, and where else better to do it than here. i can word vomit and then send it into the ether and pretend i never said a thing. i love this horrible website, nothing can compare

i have no real conclusion to this, it was mostly stream of consciousness, but i hope it sort of helps y'all understand where i'm coming from, and why i am as chill as i am about things. not about y'all. y'all cause me so much anxiety i get physically sick and have to legit block tags, but with the actual show content i'm zen as hell

uh

the end ig?

it feels weird even signing off on this, but w/e

-diz

[alliterative-albatross]

So, I sent you (@disgruntledspacedad) a pretty long ask a while ago (back when you had anon on) and I'm decently sure Tumblr ate it (or maybe you ignored it, in which case, feel free to ignore this one as well). But then I saw one of those "writers appreciate feedback no matter how long" posts, so I'm back here. Here is my mediocre attempt to rewrite my original review of your work. Bear in mind that English is not my first language, so if at any point my phrasing sounds weird to you, you know why. Mandatory disclaimer/apology: this might get a little too long 😅

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

I remember being SO mad at myself for not finding this sooner. I binge read it one afternoon with no thoughts for any real life responsibilities I might have had (and no regrets). Javiears is one hell of an unconventional relationship in the beginning, and I really love what you did with them. The whole premise of your story is quite refreshing, and you somehow manage to convey the trust and mutual respect there two feel for one another without explicitly showing us the beginning of their "entanglement".

Also, fuck you for what you did to poor Emilio, that man was a saint and he deserved better! I honestly can't believe that I got so attached to a character that appeared so little in the story, but it happened, and his death kind of broke my heart.

But the Javiears reunion + mild confession was lovely, and felt completely deserved. And of course the sex scene. I won't lie, I expected a bit better from Javi there, but I did like how utterly /human/ it was. Capturing that humanity, the imperfections in each character is something you're really good at (more on that later).

AFTERSHOCKS

Ah, my emotionally constipated babies who really need to work out their communication issues. I do love them, though. And this short series did a really good job of delving a bit deeper into Ears's and Javi's psyche. Kudos to you for dealing with the medical "aftershocks" of living through an explosion AND using that experience to move your emotional plot forward. These two need to grow a lot before they can get to a stable point in their relationship, and you really manage to convey their insecurity and fear of commitment/intimacy while making it clear that they're in it for the long run and that theirs is a relationship that WILL work out so help them God.

IF I FALL

Ouch. Punch me in the gut while you're at it, why don't you?

But seriously, "If I Fall" is SO FUCKING GOOD. Don't get me wrong, it's angstier than an image of Jesus on the cross (don't judge me, it's Holy Week and I just got home from accompanying my grandma to church), but it somehow works beautifully. You, my dear, play heartstrings like they're a fucking guitar and I AM HERE FOR IT.

You're doing an amazing job at making me feel everything these characters are feeling, which is both awful (bc pain) and impressive.

Also, if anything happens to Ana I will cry, because she is adorable and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also, if anything happens to Ears I will cry, because she is badass and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also also, if anything happens to Javi I will cry, because he is loving and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Basically, I am really invested in the well-being of these characters and can't wait until they're happy and safe again (please tell me they will be, my heart can't handle much more pain).

A quick note on the angst complaints: yes, this story is way angstier than most other fics out there and it can be a bit too much at times, especially considering how many chapters of pain it's been. BUT it's obvious that "If I Fall" NEEDS this amount of angst to get where it's going, to send the message it wants to and to properly develop its characters. The pain is as important to this story as flour is to bread. You may not like eating flour on its own (I don't think anyone does), but you love bread (because bread is amazing) and you must recognize that bread NEEDS flour to work. It wouldn't be bread otherwise. And eating the flour as part of the bread even makes you like the flour because the bread is just DELICIOUS.

I fully understand and sympathize with the people who have elected to table "If I Fall" until it's completed so they can binge read it knowing there's a happy ending in sight, but in case you're feeling a bit self conscious about all the angst, please know that your story is beautiful not in spite of the pain, but rather /because of it/.

PS: No, I'm not high/drunk, I just really like bread

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Silly thing to comment on, I know, but I do feel like it's important that you know how useful your ANs have been. There are many details in the story that I simply wouldn't fully get without reading your comments at the end of each chapter, and I appreciate your writing a hell of a lot more knowing how deeply you understand and care for each one of your characters. Plus, it is obvious how much work you've put into researching a country and a time period that are (from what I gather) unfamiliar to you, and I really do believe you've done an amazing job of it.

JAVIER PEÑA

My boy. I love your characterization of this complicated character, and I have eagerly read each and every one of your headcanons about him. I can't really say if your version is fully faithful to the source material because it's been a while since I saw Narcos, but your Javi most definitely reads like a real person. He's fairly consistent as a character, and I feel like everything he does is perfectly natural for him to do as a character. He makes for an unconventional yet deeply interesting romantic lead, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed all his POV chapters/scenes.

OCs

I know you've gotten some flack for making her into an OC halfway into the story, and while I get why the sudden change may have felt like a disappointment for some, I don't share that sentiment. I firmly believe that this fandom is unfairly harsh towards Original Characters and their creators, and I don't really understand why. Listen, I love Reader fics, and consume many Reader fics. I have read dozens, maybe even hundreds, and I can safely say that I've only ever "inserted" myself in approximately 10% of those stories. Reader characters are not as blank as their writers may want them to be. They can't be. They're characters, and character have personalities and moral values and senses of humor and a bunch of other things. Reader characters may not have a backstory or a physical description attached (and even that's not guaranteed), but they're still characters.

And on a more personal note, pretending they're actual blank slates is naive at best and insensitive at worst. Reader characters are American coded 99% of the time, and white coded 95% of the time. Not every readers is white nor American, even if that's the predominant demographic on Tumblr. When I read a JavixReader fic about a woman who speaks exactly zero Spanish, I know she's not me. The story may be beautifully written and have an amazing plot and character development, but the Reader *isn't me*. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and some of my favorite xReader stories feature a "reader" who couldn't be more different from me, but it's something that enemies of OC fics should take into account. Particularly if they are white and/or American. But I digress.

HANNAH AARONS

Your character is amazing. She's strong, smart, confident, independent and an all-around badass. She gets kidnapped while pregnant and still focuses on problem solving and survival. But she's also overly guarded and mistrustful, and really needs to work on her communication skills. There are times when I absolutely love her and even admire her, and other times when I want to whack her with a slipper. She's no Mary Sue, but remains interesting and likeable throughout the story. She feels wholly human and real, and that's no easy task. I like her, I am invested in her, and I can't wait to see what's next for her. She's a compelling and three dimensional protagonist in a complex story who never fails to draw me in. I love her. She's your baby, and you should be proud of her.

Also, quick question about personality types: I know you've typed Javi as ESFP and Ears as ENTP (100% agree on both, btw), but have you given any thought to their enneagram types? I personally have always seen Ears as being somewhere on the thinking triad, maybe a 7 or even a 6w7, but I'm not too sure about Javi. 9w8 maybe? He could also be a 6w5 🤔

PARTING THOUGHTS

Basically, I love your story, your characters and your writing in general. You are a fantastic storyteller and wordsmith. You get into the heads of incredibly different characters personality-wise (Ears, Javi, Berna...) and manage to capture all of their complexities and quirks every single time. And it doesn't feel like it's something innate for you either. To me, it seems that you have put a lot of work and effort into understanding each and every one of your characters, who they are, why they do what they do and what they want. And let me tell you, all that effort has been more than worth it. "Better Love" is a fanfic, but it wouldn't be out of place in a regular bookstore, if I'm honest. I don't know what you do for a living or if you've ever considered writing professionally, but you clearly have the skills and the drive to create some masterpieces.

You are amazing and your writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us, and have a nice day! ~ 🍪

~

My friend, I apologize for hoarding your first ask. I’ve been sitting on it because I’m not gonna lie, I enjoy going back and rereading it. It gave me a lot of comfort when I was in a pretty dark place, both personally and in regards to my writing, and I was reluctant to send it out into the the abyss of Tumblr where I might never see it again. 

That’s not fair, though. You put just as much effort into sending me that review as I put into my writing, and I apologize for never responding to you.

Okay, anyway, so twice now, you’ve made me cry. In a good way, I promise! 

I absolutely love your bread/flour metaphor. It made perfect sense. I want the emotional release of Javi and Hannah’s reunion to be earned, and in order to do that, the angst has to come first (there are also a few plot “ingredients” that have yet to make their appearances). Thank you very much for understanding that, and for voicing it so eloquently.

I appreciate your comments on my research and characterization. You’re correct that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into crafting a universe. In a lot of ways, I’m doing my best to stay true to the source material (regarding culture and timelines in particular), and in others, I’m branching into my own territory. 

On that note, I’ve never once regretted fully embracing Hannah Aarons’ identity as an OC. She’s stayed consistent in my mind from the beginning, and it was a relief to finally share my vision of her with the audience. And for the record, I totally agree with you regarding “reader” characters. Every reader insert echoes the perspective of their author, no matter how vague the physical description. I can only imagine how grating that must be from the perspective of a non-white, non-american reader. Thank you so much for sharing your insight! I will certainly keep it in mind the next time I write a “reader insert” fic.

Okay, enneagrams! I am much less familiar with enneagram than I am MBTI, but I agree 110% that Javi is a 9 with a strong 8 wing. I waffled back and forth on Ears a little, but eventually landed on 8w7 for her. It came down to the eight’s deepest fear, which is being controlled. That’s Ears all over, and the fact that she and Javi share that eight willfulness means that they might butt heads a little, which also seems very appropriate for them. Big thanks to @remusstark for her insight into the eight frame of mind - our conversations helped solidify my decision on this. :)

Anyway, I’m just rambling now. The big take-away point that I want you to get is that I am so, so grateful to you, both for your insightful feedback and your dedication in making sure that I actually saw it. You are an absolute gem and a deep thinker, Cookie-Anon, and if you ever feel like sliding into my DM’s, I’d welcome the opportunity to get to know you better.

Mad love and soft hugs, 

~ Jay

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hi Colour! This is going to be a long one, so buckle up!

Oh wow, that's so precious! You've definitely earned the "real life Dani" nickname haha I wish I could find something meaningful like that to do with my life. I'm actually autistic and have ADHD so hearing you do this kind of work makes me really happy! Keep up the good work Ms. Clayton! 😁 Haha

You sound like a lot of fun to hang out with at pubs! Haha I'm glad you identify with that bit of info on your star placements. I had a lot of fun doing it too!

The thing about Hozier is that some of his lyrics are incredibly sapphic to me for some reason, I'm still trying to figure it out. NFWMB is one of the songs that feels like that to me. Don't know if you've heard it before but give it a try if you haven't. If you close your eyes it sounds like you're in an epic romantic story and there are swords, pretty gowns, and rooms lit by torches. Haha

The beginning of this song was inspired by a poem written by W.B Yeats called "The Second Coming" in 1920, and it talks about an apocalypse of sorts, alluding to all of the horrors men inflicted upon the world which ends up awakening this beast that goes to Jesus's place of birth in the Bible (Bethlehem) to be born. The last lines being:

"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,

Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"

So the song starts with:

"When I first saw you

The end was soon

To Bethlehem it slouched

And then, it must've caught a good look at you"

And oh boy do I think of Dani when I hear that. Especially bc of that scene where Viola accepts Dani's invitation to live inside her. And nobody knows why she accepts it (but I do!).

And yeah at first glance you might not think much of Dani. in the beginning she's just a tiny frail small-town girl with a lot of anxiety, running away from her past traumas. But she proves us wrong again and again and again. She moves to a country she's never been before entirely by herself, sees an opportunity, and doesn't let go of it even when it looks like it went wrong. Then is very loving and tender with these children who have gone through so much and are still going through so much. Tries to fight (with a fire poker!!) the threatening man that keeps harassing her, the children, and her friends. THEN manages to soften the angry, grumpy lesbian who's given up on people after A LOT of trauma (too much in my opinion) and doesn't give up on her when she rejects her either. Freaking exorcises her ex and makes him stop haunting her so she can be with the love of her life. And then finally as if all of that didn't make her the bravest hero in this story, she literally stops an apocalypse from happening and saves everyone from this beast by sacrificing herself without even thinking twice. Saves everyone that came before her and then the ones who'll come after for the rest of eternity. I mean the P-O-W-E-R this girl has. 💪 so hell yeah the lady in the lake wanted to take her.

When Hozier says:

"Ain't it a gentle sound, the rollin' in the graves?

Ain't it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes?

Ain't it exciting you, the rumble where you lay?

Ain't you my baby? ain't you my baby?"

I can only think of Dani at the bottom of the lake laying on top of all the bones of the people Viola killed and how she's at peace living forever in a dark place like that. That's kinda hardcore y'know?

After the first verses, Hozier goes on to talk abt his lover, someone so utterly terrifying even the beast of the end of the world can't stand to look at them. But this song is also about being proud to be this person's lover bc nothing can fuck with them, not bc you are there to protect them and wouldn't let anyone harm them, but bc they're more than capable of protecting themselves and you too. So in my head, this song is Jamie's declaration of love to Dani.

And then I think of Jamie's devotion to Dani when she said "If you can't feel anything, then I'll feel everything for the both of us." shown in this verse:

"If I was born as a blackthorn tree

I'd wanna be felled by you

Held by you

Fuel the pyre of your enemies"

And the fact that she took what she could get just to be with Dani. She knew she'd have to suffer for/bc of her at some point, but chose to be with her anyway. I have no doubts in my mind she'd want to be anything for her as long as they could be together in any way, shape, or form. In all the lives they happened to meet one another too.

Wouldn't it be cool to see them in an AU where Dani is like a medieval princess who's supposed to marry Edmund to form an alliance between kingdoms or something and Jamie is an assassin who is hired to kill the princess so she has to pretend to be Dani's personal guard or wtever but they fall in love and run away together and Jamie teaches her how to fight so Dani becomes this warrior but turns out Dani is naturally good at it and then she becomes a legend? Hahaha I can see her riding a horse in the winter with paint on her face and her blonde hair falling over this fur-lined cloak, fierce look on her face, and Jamie riding next to her (always). Then they come across Viola who's a witch and puts a curse on Dani and then Dani and Jamie have to travel to all sorts of places and fight all sorts of people and go on this whole adventure to rid Dani of this curse. Maybe Dani has to go back to her kingdom bc her father dies and there are other people trying to take her kingdom so there's a lot of angst and suffering but then they win at the end after a lot of sweat and tears and they live happily ever after! 😎Hahaha

Anyway, I hope you're having a great week so far and hope you had fun with your niece today! (I know if I was her and you had us make fudge and paint I'd worship you haha) I'm sorry for the very (very) long ask, but I've been obsessing over this idea for months and I just had to share it with someone! ✌️✨

(And you can call me Libby or wtever since I'm not anon anymore 🤗)

Awwh thank you so much for saying I have earned my 'real life Dani' title is means a lot to me that you guys see that in me!! I am sure you do so many meaningful things in life without even realising it!! I honestly just want to make a difference and I love helping people so going into a career like this just seemed so natural to me and I really do love what I do!! Thank you so much I really hope I can keep up the good work!! I hope I'm a lot of fun- I know I have helped win a few pub quizzes and there's been a few times I've won games of trivial pursuit as well so that really did make so much sense to me and learning about all the placements of my chart was so much fun and was so interesting so thank you very much!! I have heard some of Hozier's lyrics are quite sapphic and I always mean to look into more of his songs and then just never do but I will definitely look in to NFWMB because the lyrics you have sent me here are incredible and definitely give of Dani x Jamie vibes I definitely agree with you in everything you have said about why Viola accepted Dani's invitation- Dani and Viola are similar in some ways and this was something I was explaining to my niece when she watched it with me. I explained to her that both Viola and Dani are strong willed, and stubborn, and would do anything to fiercely protect the people they care about. We saw that time and time again with Dani, how within days of knowing Miles and Flora she was out with a fire poker trying to protect them from a strange man that she kept seeing around the manor. And how Viola would've done anything to protect her daughter. One major difference between them though is that Viola seemed to have a slight selfish streak where as Dani is entirely selfless, she was selfless for the longest time in even agreeing to marry Eddie so she wouldn't hurt him, she was selfless in protecting Miles and Flora, and even more selfless in saving Flora's life and freeing all the trapped spirits of Bly Manor and then she is selfless in the fact that she won't drag anyone down and won't hurt anyone else at Bly ever again. The one thing she did for herself was being with Jamie- and she was able to make Jamie open up and trust people in way she probably hadn't for the longest time. Dani is a truly strong person as was Viola and I can see why she would accept Dani's invitation. I will have to listen to this song to see it from a Jamie perspective which I will definitely do tomorrow but from the lyrics you have sent me I can definitely see it being a love declaration to Dani from Jamie. Jamie knew in the end she would suffer because she knew she wouldn't be able to keep Dani forever, and knew that one day she would have to leave her- but she knew loving Dani for as long as she was allowed to would be worth that pain in the end and Jamie is a truly strong person as well for knowing this and staying by Dani's side anyway when that must have been such a hard thing for Jamie to ever have to accept. Jamie would've been anything for Dani and would've one anything for her as Dani would've for Jamie and that's why I love them so much. They loved each other so purely and without conditions and so wholeheartedly and it really was such a lovely thing to watch play out in front of us (even if it did hurt us all at the end). I think it would be so cool to see an AU like that I think medieval stuff is always so fun and so interesting and a good enemies to lovers start never fails either because there's so much tension there between them. And Jamie being undercover as someone to get close to Dani and them slowly falling in love with each other would just be a great thing to see!! And I am all for warrior Dani and Jamie (women with weapons is a little bit of a weakness of mine)!! This whole AU just sounds incredible I love a good curse in fantasy stories and the curse slowly taking over and you thinking they're going to run out of time but everything works out in the end!! Dani going back to her kingdom because of her sick Dad dying would be great for angst because it would look

like she would have to marry someone to create an alliance and that she would have to take over a kingdom (perhaps something she never wanted to do in the first place)!! I think this could be a very angsty one shot and could be so interesting and fun and the happy ending would definitely make all the angst worth it in the end!! I am having a good week so far thank you and I had so much fun with my niece today, making fudge went great and she was happy that I was able to show her how to do it because she'd never made it before so now that's something she knows how to do (I think she thinks I'm way cooler than I actually am haha thank you for saying you'd worship me though if you were my niece haha 😂) but tomorrow she is teaching me how to do something because I taught her how to make fudge today... she's gonna teach me how to draw in an anime style- which is something she is really into and even though I'm not she loves drawing so I've asked if she can teach me since I taught her something today!! There's no need to apologise I loved this long angst and I loved this idea I think it's really great and interesting and that song just seems amazing and I am definitely gonna listen to it tomorrow when I get chance!! Thank you for sharing this idea with me I loved it!! ☺️ Haha oki doki then as long as that's alright with you Libby is what I'll call you!! Like I said you can seriously call me anything!! ☺️

[hotchley]

🦄 awhh kid, ive been busy with school (it's my last sem, i graduate in may) so ive been busy. i will say cm makes good bg noise to do hw to.

this is me being a lil shit and cuz im not in the fandom but like penelope? best character overall, except for the garcia thing. it was a haha joke that aged poorly. they could've just hired a white latina or changed her name but then again they also made elle half-cuban when the actor is white. then tara. then morgan. luke. matt. jj. emily. blake. at least hotch is better than rossi ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ bc rossi is racist and i know we skirt around that issue but like dude... you can't pee on a black classmate and then deny you're racist (and i know he isn't malicious and they try to fix with him marrying a black husband but like. cm loves to just ignore all their problems with their character. actually.. hotch is only better bc he barely has a personality so i can just pretend he doesn't have racist tendencies.. but also he did grow up in the south... and we live in a society..)

fuck i forgot about spencer... he's annoying ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe white nerdboy with no personality was revolutionary back when it was airing but man.. it's so overdone nowadays and as a woc.. i don't find the appeal. also like, penelope does the whole genius thing better and she isn't even half as annoying. but still better than rossi!

also id like to clarify that my ranking above is strictly just in-show content like obvs rossi is written better in fanfics just like about every character is written better

also can i just say. what is up with cm's intense hatred of women??? like haley died and and emily sort of died and maeve died and strauss died. like.. wtf?? beth disappears and we only find out in a throwaway line after an entire ep was dedicated to her growing relationship with hotch! also apparently jessica doesn't have a life outside of jack's nanny.

also like.. food for thought but it does make me hmm 🤔 that the writing got so much worst and ppl stopped watching cm after it got so much more diverse. and that it suddenly became the reid show after cm got so much diverse. just putting it out there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh I love being called kid it makes me feel like there’s more time!

Ooh exciting!! Graduation!!

Honestly, the way I agree with all of this. I understand that Criminal Minds came out in a “different time” but some of the stunts they pulled...

See, as an Asian person, the racism is different. So I don’t know what would have been better: if they had Rossi admit what he did and dealt with the fall-out or if they just hadn’t written it in at all.

Oh I know. It’s in moments like that where I’m glad they didn’t give Hotch a personality- although it would’ve been nice to see him and Emily talk when she realised why he didn’t trust her- because then I can carry on believing he’s a half decent person.

I’m pretty neutral towards canon Spencer. I’m like: cool you’re a genius and you know all this stuff. I like Penny a lot more though and there are times where I’m like: Writers please this is a crime show have character development but I do not need their entire childhood to be shown...

Yeah, I think somewhere along the line the writers gave up on the characters, which in some ways makes sense because crime show, but like... the crimes did not get more interesting or unique either soo... if I want good writing I turn to fics.

But even then, there’s so much demonising of Hotch and unnecessary Hotch and Morgan bashing that I’m like: UGGHHHH.

GENUINELY! There was no reason for Haley to be treated like crap for leaving a marriage she was unhappy in and her death reeked of misogyny. I think Emily dying was to do with an issue with the network or something like that... Maeve dying had something to do with Spencer’s actor apparently... Strauss’ death was unnecessary as well! And it felt very tasteless too.

Okay so Beth. I liked Beth. Beth was good. I haven’t gotten to the episode where they break up but I know it happens. My issue is this: Hotch didn’t need to get into a relationship after Haley to prove he had moved on, because it’s almost like they’re saying Jessica cannot act as a mother to Jack and also that he won’t be complete 

THIS IS THE THING! I have given up on good Muslim representation so now I’m like: Okay let me find things that represent other minorities well. And I really want to watch the later seasons. Like I really want to know all about Tara and Matt and Luke because they seem really cool.

However. I’m watching season 10 really slowly, just because I am, and I know that Reid goes to prison in season 12 because of Cat Adams- who seems like a really annoying unsub I’m so sorry- so I’m like: Hmm.... am I going to fast forward all of that because I really don’t care?? Probably! 

[warnerbro]

that one party

Boo: [What was she doing there? What in the world was she--- Cilla Dodgeson's blonde hair whipped around the corner, once more, as Boo stuck like glue to the wall. It was the ghost of ex girlfriend past, and of course Donnie's arm was around her. There they were, haunting Boo, as any ghost would; tormenting him.

Boo: As if supporting Donnie at soccer games wasn't enough. As if kissing that stupid guy in front of him wasn't enough. No, she was haunting him, and making sure he'd remember her and see her face every chance he'd get. Especially at that stupid party. So he took one look at her and scRUNCHED HIS NOSE, AND SCOFFED BEfORE TAKING A NICE GULP OF SOME MIXED DRINK

Cilla: [Cilla's honestly thinking to herself, why am I at a college party? I don't even like high school parties that much. Maybe these are better? Eh. Anyway, she was just here because Donnie wanted her to come with him. Something about it being important for her to come with him? Whatever. But yikes. She notices Boo is there too, and of course, why wouldn't he be? Wasn't this a soccer team sort of party? Heck. She grimaces so hard. But she huddles further into Donnie, like, keep me away from these drunk people. I'm tiny.]

Boo: [Melissa, of course, sees his discomfort. She walked right up to him and suggested they should leave, right there but no. Not tonight. He wouldn't be running away from that girl anymore, so he took one more drink and shook his head.] No, I'm spectacular. Just get me trashed. [So she nodded and disappeared for a minute and returned with libations. He tried not to stare. Boy, Willy, did he try not to stare, but of course he did, as even when he felt like he should hate her, he really didn't, and couldn't.]*

Cilla: [As Cilla is probably unable to keep her peripheral vision off of Boo, she sees that snake in the grass approach Boo, and that only serves to make her grimace even harder and tense even more. Donnie notices this. He raises an eyebrow at her, asking what was wrong.] Just not used to this... I guess. [She gave an awkward laugh, and Donnie gave her this smile, told her how adorable she was, and handed her a cup with what she guessed was alcohol in it. Oh, cool. Though, in her state of 'kill me now' she took a laRGE sip of it, and then coughed because wtf is this stuff he just gave me it is strong stuff. Donnie patted her back, and told her to slow down to which she just nodded. Yikey.]

Boo: [he wasn't quite seeing double yet. Moments had passed. Beer pong match after pong match. There were some quarters involved with a shot glass, and Melissa had even pulled him away to play a round of flip cup. She was great at distracting him. It worked, but Boo couldn't forget about that blonde-haired girl. Nope. She stayed in the back of her mind, and Boo had assumed to the side of a certain Rocket boy. His stomach tied in drunken knots he felt sick at that notion. He was still in control of most of his functions and though he swore he wasn't intoxicated, he could feel his inhibitions escaping to freedom. His eyes scanned the room once more. Melissa was nowhere to be found, and he was on his way to find somewhere to sit down, alone. To think. To escape the embarassment of how he felt-- ashamed that Cilla wasn't with him and instead with that assclown of a person. He found the perfect place up the stairs and down the hallway.]

Cilla: [The room. It was spinning. Yup. The lights were merging together. How much did she have, exactly, in her quest to not pay attention to her boyfriend's sister and her ex-whatever? Too much for someone that drank maybe half a beer for the two parties she'd been too in her life. Awesome. She swayed a little, into Donnie. He stopped his conversation with his soccer pal to ask his gf if she was alright.] Yeah. I'm fine. I just-- I think I need to go to the bathroom, and... I don't know, splash some water in my face. Nope, you can stay here. I'm a big girl, thanks. [So, on her way she goes. Up the stairs???? Down the hallway????? And oop, there's a door. Oop. This room is occupied by... ohboy. She freezes y'all. But the grimace from earlier is back now. She says nothing because BOY WHY.]*

Boo: [Boo's sitting in an armchair, his head in his hands and the room is spinning for him as well, but he's not drunk. No. Don't ask him because he'd drive himself home right now. It was only a couple of beers. A couple of drinking games. Whatever. He just needed time to himself. Which was interrupted. He looked up at the door, and his eyes fell upon a silent Cilla and he could throw himself out the window right now because why?! So he's going to address her with a real condescending tone. ] You lost, Princess?

Cilla: [And yup. Was she an angry drunk? Because, boy, that condescending tone just got her PISSED.] Yeah. You know what? I guess I am. Because I'd rather be anywhere else than standing right here. Believe me. [but is she even making an attempt to move? Probably not. Maybe a sway towards the door.]*

Boo: Good job leaving. Congrats. A+ feet you have there. [He claps.] So while I've got you here, you can't just bring yourself to my soccer games, I told you to not to feel obliged to come. Remember?

Cilla: Fuck off, Boo. [iF SHE COULD LEAVE SHE WOULD BUT HER FEET AREN'T WORKING.] You said don't feel obliged to come /for you/. And I'm not.

Boo: You'RE THE ONE STILL HERE. [ SO HE SHOOTs RIGH T UP bECAUSE LET"S GET ANGREY LETS. walking towards her all angry like] You're the one still fucking here. And Cilla, for the first time in ever, I really don't want you around anymore. So go. Leave. [he points to the door. because gdi go away.]

Cilla: YES, YES, GO AHEAD AND ACT LIKE YOU CAN KICK ME OUT OF A PLACE THAT ISN'T YOURS??? [she roLLS HER EYES.] If you don't want to be around me, which, trust me, I feel the same, you're welcome to walk away. Because, yeah, not everything is on me.

Boo: You're the one who walked away from me, and THEN you walked right back around with that STUPID GUY ON YOUR ARM SO.... [he points back towards the door, agAIN. LIKE FUCK YA I WAS HERE FIRST GET OUT, he sways of course. Alcohol soz.] I don't think I can forgive for this anymore, and I don't want you in my life anymore. Stay away.[his eye twitches tho, lol bcs he doesnt MEAN IT]

Cilla: [NOT EVEN GONNA REPLY TO THAT BS BECAUSE HE'S ACTUALLY BEEN WITH MELISSA ALL NIGHT? AND TO THE REST OF THIS, THE STUBBORN PRINCESS, WHO ALWAYS GETS HER WAY, just plants her drunken feet, crosses her arms, gets this defiant look, and stays silent.]

Boo: [HE IS GONNA PULL ALL OF HIS HAIR OUT BECAUSE GDI GO AWAY. He opens his mouth to sCREAM AT HER. BECAUSE FRUSTRATION. But it takes a step back. He pauses and takes a deep breath. He looks to the floor, and seriously seriously puts on his apology face.] You're breaking my heart all over again, and I understand why. You're mad at me because what I did with Mel, it was unfair. But what you're doing--[ hE FINALLY LOOKS BACK UP AT HER.] Showing up here, and everywhere else--it's not fair to me.

Cilla: [NOT EVEN GONNA REPLY TO THAT BS BECAUSE HE'S ACTUALLY BEEN WITH MELISSA ALL NIGHT? AND TO THE REST OF THIS, THE STUBBORN PRINCESS, WHO ALWAYS GETS HER WAY, just plants her drunken feet, crosses her arms, gets this defiant look, and stays silent.]

Boo: [HE IS GONNA PULL ALL OF HIS HAIR OUT BECAUSE GDI GO AWAY. He opens his mouth to sCREAM AT HER. BECAUSE FRUSTRATION. But it takes a step back. He pauses and takes a deep breath. He looks to the floor, and seriously seriously puts on his apology face.] You're breaking my heart all over again, and I understand why. You're mad at me because what I did with Mel, it was unfair. But what you're doing--[ hE FINALLY LOOKS BACK UP AT HER.] Showing up here, and everywhere else--it's not fair to me.

Cilla: [She does nothing but scoff. Really.] Do you think I keep visiting to hurt you? Really? [clo eyebrow raise.]

Boo: Don't you even pretend this isn't about us. [SCOFF RIGHT BACk.]

Cilla: Crazy enough, I come to visit Donnie. You know, that guy. My boyfriend. [she makes a face that says 'duh you idiot'.

Boo: Yeah. He just so happens to play on the same tEAM as me. He JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE MELISSA'S brother. Makes sense, why you'd pick him. [HE GIVES HER A SARCASTIC SHRUG.] Right?! Make REAL sure I know about. See it. [He claps again.] GREAT.

Cilla: I didn't even /know/ he was Melissa brother the first time I met him. It's not all about /you/, Boo. And just... [she shakes her head. She wants to break his hands.] No. You know what? I don't need to explain a n y t h i n g to you.

Boo: Yeah. You were LEAVING anyways. [ eye roll]

Cilla: Nope, that was you. [the face of pure sass.]

Boo: I was here first. [crossing his arms over his chest.]

Cilla: Don't care~. [she does the same.]

Boo: You know what? I can't stand you right now. Really, REALLY hate you right now. [STANDIN THERE ]

Cilla: Now you know how I've felt for months. Congratulations. [SAME.]

Boo: Thanks. REALLY appreCIAte THAT. [YELLIN,]

Cilla: COOL~~~~. YOU'RE WELCOME TO LEAVE NOW. [S C R E A M I N]*

Boo: [He doesn't leave. He doesn't move. He takes one look at her, and the sneer he was sure to have worn softened as he let out a low fit of laughter.] I'm not going anywhere, Cil. I'm still here. And, you know what, when you're done being stubborn, I'm sure I"ll still be mad at you, but I'll be here. [so he walks right up to her, because let's push her buttons, right?] Because, yeah, I hate you so much right now, but you're still the same girl I'm head over heels for. So, you go on. Go on with your life, parade your stupid boyfriend around and you keep telling yourself that it's not about me. Because we both know it is. Otherwise we wouldn't have even had this conversation. Otherwise you still wouldn't be here.

Cilla: [She freezes again, because now he's closer. Much closer, and her alcohol-addled brain is somehow even more jarred by the lack of distance. But, his words still manage to fuel the fire of anger within her, because what right does he have to say all of those things? She managed to pull herself back enough to throw a look of annoyance his way.] Keep telling yourself that it /is/ about you, then, you arrogant asshole. If that's what gets you through, go ahead. But, you know what? It doesn't make you right. Because I feel nothing for you. Not anymore.*

Boo: Nothing? Just like that? Nothing? [So that would have hurt Boo a lot. A whole lot, a couple of months ago, and maybe without the alcohol it would have reverberated within him, but he knew that girl was lying. So he looked at her, and understood her words as a challege. He let out an irriatated sigh, before taking one step closer to her, and without any permission he tested her words. A hand on her waist, he kissed her, just as he had wanted to for the past couple of months--just like he did those months ago in his car-- just as he did under that mistletoe. He kissed her, like it would have been his last kiss on earth, K. Because well, it might as well have been, right?]

Cilla: [She was poised to answer-- ready to tell him, yes, without a doubt, I feel nothing but absolute hatred for you now. You're nothing but a piece of shit, and I didn't deserve what you did. But there was no opportunity for the words to leave her mouth. Because, as soon as she began, his lips were on hers, and her ~inebriated~ legs practically buckled underneath her. And no, she didn't try in any way to push the boy off of her. Nope. She kissed him like she hadn't kissed anybody since... well, the last time she kissed Boo. One might say she's kind of all over him right now.]

Boo: [A fist in the air in his mind, just like the breakfast club, yep, everything she had said, well this proved it completely wrong. So he pulled her closer because why stop? After all this time, after everything, he could still lose himself in that stubborn girl. So arms wrapped tightly around her holding her in palce and lips pressed all too close it happened. Even, with what he had just said to her. Even after all the hurt they had caused each other. It fell all on this really real moment. No matter how drunk she tasted-- it was real. So no, he didn't mind how all over she was on him. Nope, he invited it.]

Cilla: [In the back of her mind, someplace where her logic was still slightly working, something was telling her that her boyfriend was downstairs, and she should stop now, while she was ahead, and she could pass this... lapse of judgement on alcohol and Boo starting it, but... no, that voice was too far away. Why listen to that voice when there was a louder voice telling her to continue. So, what does she do? She listens to the loud voice, and she's got him by the collar, and she's pushing him towards the chair he was sitting in when she came in. Oop, they're down. Oop, she's on top of him. Yikes.]*

Boo: [ So lips on lips, he fell towards the chair, with his hands surely crawling up places they weren't supposed to like, for instance probably under hER SKIRT, he pulled Cilla with him. There was no breaking his hold on her now. There was no stopping him. There was no stopping her, he was sure. And screw the party, screw her boyfriend. screw Melissa. It was just him and Cilla now. And if he had it his way, it would be that way forever. But all things would come to an end he was sure. For the time being however, he would continue to kiss her, even after the door was opened and someone eNTERED THE ROOM.]

Cilla: [For the better part of being in this chair, Cilla's brain actually ceased to function. Like, she was certain there was no activity happening up there, because she literally couldn't think. The only things occupying that space were lips and, whoa HANDS. And, boy did she not mind it at aLL. But then, the sound of a door opening behind her kicked that silent part of her brain into gear, and she realized OH BOY, and she was practically army rolling off of Boo, her face towards the wall so the interruption didn't see her, stayin quiet bc oh geez.]*

Boo: [Before he even had a chance to react to the absence of Cilla, he opened his eyes, and Melissa Thornberry Rocket stared at him from the doorway. He had to catch his breath from, well, Cilla literally taking his breath away and before he was able to take calming inhale, the other girl had her hands acrossed her chest. That look in her face-- that anger shook Boo a little too sober, and he didn't know whether to explain himself, or accept the fact that, yeah, he was walking home that night. So he ran his hands through the hair on his head, because gFDi why didn't he lock the door. He looked up at Cilla, her back facing him, and he had no words.]

Cilla: [Cilla still has no idea of what fate could besET HER SHOULD SHE TURN AROUND RIGHT NOW. SHE IS UNAWARE OF THE DANGER THAT SURROUNDS HER. So, she just keeps herself pointed towards the wall. Practically everyone in this house knew her boyfriend, and therefore, they knew she was DATING him. No matter who it was, if they saw it was her she was s c r e w e d. So, she stayed silent in her little corner, probably burying her face in her knees. Like, nope, you won't see me today sis.]*

Boo: [Before he could even explain what was happening, Miss Rocket had literally stomped out of the room. And what had recently transpired as the most awkward silence in his whole life, the door slammed behind her. He looked up to the ceiling and closed his eyes, got up from his spot, and before taking his leave, he placed a hand on Cilla's shoulder, just lightly as if to ask if she was okay.]*

Cilla: [When she heard the door shut, she didn't get up immediately. But then she felt a hand on her shoulder, and that sprung her to action. Without another word, literally, she was up and out the door (the opposite direction that Melly went in). Because. Nope. Not facing this. Not in this drunken state. Not today. Bye Boo. She's probably ACTUALLY going to the bathroom now.]*

Boo: [So that's when Boo walked out too. Yep, out to find Melissa, because low and behold she was his ride home, and without her, he was going to walk his ass home lol.]

Boo: [And avoiding everyone else, he probably never found her so he did.]