#present who i feel confident around 2) closed - i am not talking i am not looking my whole demeanor folds itself away
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 months ago
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a brief list of traits of mine that apparently ppl who know me very well do not have the privilege of seeing:
the conversational burger tulpa
just showing up or leaving or starting conversations without any greeting
not knowing i was supposed to reciprocate small talk/general questions until i was NINETEEN and even now barely remember to. ("how are you?" "good!" "........." "................." (<- i have hit many doctors, dentists, etc with this one))
slow blinking + extremely slight nod as hello to complete strangers who may not even be looking my way (not sure i was ever convinced they could tell, but it was a necessary ritual at that point. it's for ME)
can't look at people a lot of the time? not just eye contact like anything but shoes backs and shoulders
just ending a conversation (even one i am enjoying) and leaving without saying bye + speeding to class as fast as possible bc It Is Time For Class and when it is time for class I Walk To Class It Is Time To Walk To Class (such that this + similar thoughts about setting up my pens and notebooks as fast as possible (Class Mode) genuinely impede my social life)
wishing i was blind/deaf when i was a kid for no apparent reason other than that it seemed vaguely easier somehow (note: i didn't actually think it was somehow easier, i was overstimulated and could barely recognize the full body discomfort i was experiencing as such. same reason i found school easier when i broke my glasses, because the level of visual input was lower)
getting told my voice is deadpan and feeling BETRAYED bc i'd been putting a lot of effort into my line delivery my whole life (combines with excessive hyperbole -> very weird misunderstandings + social blunders i do not fully understand to this day)
similar note: mind SHATTERED by finding out what my side profile looked like at 13 or so. physically incapable of not staring at myself in every reflective surface i encounter (as if something will dramatically change without my noticing)
only feeling truly understood and kept-up with as a child on the day one of my friends happened to forget their adhd meds. this happened Multiple times with different people
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ashherahh · 3 months ago
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your first time with your future spouse +18
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Note: Please take it if it resonates, leave it if it doesn't. Meditate before making your decision. It's completely okay if you don't resonate with this reading. The collective is huge and I'm sure you'll receive the messages you need in due time.
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pile 1
You're seen as quite meek by most people and even by your future spouse when you first meet them. Eventually they learn what a little freak you are! You're so prim and proper and polite in front of others but when you're alone you're a bit depraved. You're what people would call a mental slut.
The energy I'm picking up is that you weren't really sexually compatible with previous partners and so you just thought that you're not someone who feels that intense sexual attraction people always seem to be talking about. That doesn't stop all the thoughts you have.
There's a strong energy of abstinence but there's definitely an underlying energy of someone that is like a caged werewolf under a full moon.
To explain what I'm seeing, it's as though you do get sexually aroused but no one seems to tick your boxes in a sense so you haven't gone all the way in a hot minute. It's like mentally, you're really pumped up and then you're in front of someone and it's like being thrown with a bucket of ice water. I am seeing a problem with climaxing and your mind kind of wanders a bit.
When you first do the deed with your future spouse, you give disclosures and you do make them aware of how you feel about sex and your experiences. You're very open with them, mainly because you don't want to get your hopes up and you don't want them to be disappointed.
Your future spouse is very patient with you and they're very understanding. I'm seeing you're very comfortable with them, that's why the two of you are able to discuss intimacy so openly.
Lemme tell you something, they are so confident in themselves and they're going to teach you a thing or two. Wink wink, nudge nudge.
They keep this to themselves because they don't want you to overthink your first time together and they want to keep you as present in the act as they possibly can.
You ever crave something but you can't seem to figure out what it is? Then when you do stumble across it, it's like puzzle pieces falling in place. That's what your first time with them is like.
I'm seeing that they hold you quite close to them through the entire act. They'll keep your back to their front or they'll put you in positions where you feel like they're all over you.
They talk you through it, not really dirty talk but more like they give you a lot of praises. I'm seeing that they touch your belly a lot, that's a very sensitive spot for you that you didn't even know about.
Your future spouse has stamina and I do see it takes a while for you to orgasm the first time but their focus is completely on you. They really get off on seeing you thoroughly pleasured. You two leave each other feeling so satisfied, and it only gets better from there.
pile 2
You love your future spouse's voice and their hands. It's as though your entire body is voice activated around them. That's the first thing you notice about them. I'm seeing that they have an accent different from yours as well.
They have a very commanding energy. Someone who is very solid and stable and career oriented. Big boss vibes.
They use that same energy in the bedroom...
Hehehe oh they like to stand behind you and whisper in your ear, even if it's normal things, they like to tease you and see your reaction to them.
They have beautiful hands and because they've picked up on how much you like that part of them, they're constantly putting them on display so to speak. They also like to flex around you too. The physical attraction between the two of you is so carnal and thick, you could cut through it with a knife.
You two know each other, I am seeing a work setting. You're in an environment with them whereby if you weren't, you wouldn't know one another or be in the same circles because of how different you are. I am seeing that you guys are not dating when you have sex for the first time but it does become an exclusive relationship afterwards.
You mask your attraction to them behind annoyance, but because they're quite attractive and very charismatic, they can see it and they do things on purpose to get a rise out of you. Your discussions become quite heated with them, they like to debate with you.
Your future spouse is a brat tamer and you're a brat. Even if you're not into the BDSM lifestyle, they're definitely not vanilla, that's the kind of dynamic you have. So, your first time with them is very... unplanned. It's sudden and kind of just happens but it's so explosive. I see this happening in their space so to speak.
They spent so long teasing you and riling you up, that they have been doing it to themselves in the process as well.
It's as though your spouse was waiting so long for this and they have no control at all. They're like someone starved and they want to do everything with you. Meanwhile you're just head empty because did you want this all along? Ohmygoodness, you did!
Goodness, your first time is more like a quickie because you two just can't control yourselves around each other!
You both come to terms with your true feelings for each other during the act. It's like a revelation. You can't get enough of one another.
pile 3
Tantric sex. Your first time with your future spouse is so spiritual, it's proper lovemaking. Not rushed, no anxiety, no overthinking. This is like a joining of souls.
I'm seeing that you and you future spouse take the act of sex very, very seriously. You two are very involved in spirituality so you both don't want any unwanted soul ties or things like that. I am seeing you two waiting a looooong time before having sex. I'm seeing strongly that many of you will wait until you're married, I'm not seeing a conventional marriage ceremony either.
Because of the lifestyle you practice, you want to make sure that you're in this forever. Your future spouse already feels that they'll spend the rest of their earthly life with you and so they're not rushed to have you the first time. You on the other hand... you're chomping at the bit to have them and they know it but they always redirect your energy. Your libido seems a lot higher than theirs on the surface, but it's only because they've been practicing on controlling theirs a lot longer than you have.
I see that they were born into this lifestyle and these spiritual practices, and you only started later in life.
They try and get you to do other activities to get your mind off of sex but sometimes you'll just be looking at them and they'll catch you and be like, "Nah uh, not my goodies, not yet."
It's really not that they don't want you but they want things to be in place before they have you like that so to speak. Sometimes, even though you understand where they're coming from, you still feel at times that they're not into you.
All of that goes out of the window your first time with them!
They really set the mood with candles and music. They take their time preparing you as well. They'll give you a full body massage. They love to use their mouth on you... So, foreplay will have them with their head between your legs for a while.
I'm seeing that their eyes are on you constantly, even in the throws of pleasure they'll try to keep looking into your eyes. They'll be watching your reactions and they love to hear you.
Phew! It's hot in here!
You were not expecting your future spouse to be so intense and so passionate. Their sexual energy is not really "aggressive", it's more sensual. They want all of your senses to be tantalised. All of those times they have you do something else will be so worth it.
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fluffy-bluffy · 2 months ago
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What People Admire About You and Your Future Spouse's Relationship
Hello everybody ✨ Another short pick a card for you people. In the last poll lengthy pacs won by a great margin but there are a few people who would love to read short pacs. So, I would love to give out both kinds. I hope you guys enjoy reading regardless of the length :)
Just a warning that this is a general reading and it is only for entertainment purposes. So take what resonates and leave the rest for others.
Let's get started 💪🏻
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Pile 1 ---- Pile 2 ---- Pile 3
Pile 4 ---- Pile 5 ---- Pile 6
Pile 1 🪻
Hello pile 1 🪻 here is your reading please enjoy :)
You guys might be the power couple and people will admire the tremendous social position, money, grandeur, accomplishment, and self-sufficiency that you and your partner holds. People would love how sincere and loving your relationship is and like you both are no nonsense person when it comes to each other. The feminine energy in the pile would make an excellent mother, a gracious guest, and a capable housewife. It is like people love to talk to you guys as a couple and you guys might have a little different perspective on world than from others.
For some of your I am also seeing you guys could be really popular maybe you are into social media or just popular in your community or the area where you live. It is quite possible that you might attend a lot of parties and gatherings together or host multiple parties and gatherings. Either way I am seeing that people love how you are a power couple but still there is a gentle and calm and caring vibe which come from here you and your partner. I am seeing immense success for both of you but again you guys are not egoistic or arrogant about it. People will love your down to earth nature.
People will feel like you guys balance each other very well. Some people might also think that you are blessed by the universe and you have everything that an ideal relationship should have.
It is quite possible that you both have individually suffered a lot and the people around you know about your suffering and they believe that because you endured so much you both have got each other. And no matter what life throws at you you both are gonna handle it with grace.
Your life will be filled with peaceful and calm energy you don't let the outer world or the external factors affect your relationship. People might also admire how you bring freshness to the table and a child like energy. 
Okay I am getting a scenario over here. Let's say you have both gone to a small get together and a lot of people are present there you acknowledge everyone you talk to everyone and then you both are so in grossed into each other that anything else doesn't matter and your closed one maybe the immediate relatives will notice this like it is possible that you both are just sharing jokes sitting in the corner or maybe judging people in a friendly manner. You are not bother about anyone else just the two of you laughing and having the best time of your life.
Pile 2 🪻
Hello pile 2 🪻 here is your reading please enjoy :)
People would admire your relationship that how you both are very understanding and considerate about each other even when you guys are fighting or let say you had a big argument still you people will solve it logically and keep another person's feelings in mind. I see no rash decisions here. A very calm and peaceful life. With no dramas at all. Very loving and harmonious partnership.
The masculine energy in the relationship will literally spoil the female energy. He is going to pamper her like there is no tomorrow.
People would love how confident you both are on each other. You people would be the kind of couple who would hear rumours about each other and laugh at them together. I am seeing a lot of trust over here. But it has not always been like this you guys have gone through your fair share of rough patches.
People admire how balanced you are it is like you guys are beautifully dependent on each other but also independent of each other.
You have a personality outside of the relationship you have friends outside of the relationship there are friends who are not your mutuals and that is something admire worthy.
People who did really admire how you understand each other. Not just each other but you guys might be understanding individuals in general. For example you bought something online and it was not as you expected it to be. So, you understand that it is not the fault of the application but the seller. And you would not thrash them.
I'm also seeing that the feminine energy in this relationship is going to be little bit of workaholic.
You both make adjustments for each other and all in all people see how it takes effort from both sides to keep a relationship running.
Pile 3 🪻
Hello pile 3 🪻 here is your reading please enjoy :)
People would really admire the efforts you both put into this relationship. How invested you both are into each other when seen together.  I am also getting for the one's who want kids that you will raise them right. I mean with morals and ethics and discipline and that is something people will admire about you and your person.
Both of you might have long-term vision and I am also getting that before meeting each other you guys might have felt lonely. Like even though you had good friends but somehow whenever you needed them the most they were not there for you. That is why you guys might as well fear getting attached to somebody and they will get you out of this fear or vice versa because they will forever be there for you.
You both could be curious souls wanting to get your questions answered. Someone seeking adventures. Hence a lot of trips and travelling meeting new people and socializing. Exchanging ideas,thoughts having deep conversations. People would admire your company it is like you both complete each other. The other one will look a little dull if not together with you and vice versa. Very good communicators. People could really admire how communicative you are to each other and also very approachable not the kind of people to judge everyone around them. Very motherly vibes from your couple pile 3 but you guys are fierce also when required.
It is the balance that people like about your relationship. The duality both of you hold.
Even when you guys fight with each other passion and love is dripping from your voices. I am in the university while I am doing this reading for you and suddenly there is a light that never goes out by the Smiths starts playing. It might have some message for you pile 3. It is a wonderful song. Go check it out.
People also admire your commitment and dedication towards eachother. And the efforts that you undertake to keep this relationship moving and keep the spark on.
Pile 4 🪻
Hello pile 4 🪻 here is your reading please enjoy :)
People admire how calm your relationship is. You both don't like to indulge in unnecessary dramas and for a very small portion of you guys I am also getting arranged marriage. It is possible for like some of you. Also how you both help each other through the tough times. There is something about this part. Maybe you helped each other get over a loss that the people around you witnessed.
I am also seeing people would admire you you both reconcile after the arguments it is kinda cute seeing how you both would respectively ask your friends help to throw them a sorry party or something of that kind.
I am at my university doing this reading and they They start playing until I found you by Stephen Sanchez  and somebody to you by the vamps. Do check out these two songs they might have some messages for you.
People admire how you never let any third person take control of your love life. It is always just the two of you creating problems and solving them on your own.
The balance is everything in your relationship. Some of you might have this thing of being sad like all of a sudden.
People admire how creative you both are. You both can also be good manipulators and would know how to get things done.
Pile 5 🪻
Hello pile 5 🪻 here is your reading please enjoy :) 
They could be someone in this pile who does not want kids but they would still have  fur babies because of which society might judge them but still they will be very happy and content with their choice.
People with simply admire how happy and loving you are family there is no arguments. Even if you guys have conflicting thoughts you both sit individually and try to resolve it in your head first at then with each other.
I am seeing a lot of wisdom in this relationship from both the partners.  People would also admire how rich you both are. It could be inherited. Also some of you could be really good with kids.
Also how you both don't rush each other into decisions. Every decision you take you have done proper planning and weighted ever pros and cons. You both hold this incredible power of being able to manipulate anyone for anything you want. You guys are like 'don't mess with' couple because you guys can literally bring the other person on their knees and make them beg. You people are far from wasting time always and always trying to do something productive with your time something new. All your decisions are very calculated and I am getting a very wise energy from both of you.
People believe that you both are satisfied in your relationship and that yours is a ideal kind of relationship and many would want to have such a bond with their partners like you both have. People would admire how you both complete each other and are so into each other that before the other one says you know what they want. People might also love that you guys are truly happy and comfortable in your own skin  because of which you are care free , loving people with a positive outlook on life.
People admire how you both emotionally fulfill each other. There is peace and good fortune in your life. Also you both may showcase a lot of gratitude towards the universe.
Pile 6 🪻
Hello pile 6 🪻 here is your reading please enjoy :)
People admire your creativity and courage. And also the fact that you both are not afraid to see the moment because you both believe that taking chances will yield exceptional results. People also admire how hard working you both are and are not going to lose on opportunities just because it asks for hard work. They admire how you both are constantly pushing forward with new ideas and this drive is a company by an individualistic nature as well. You both look great together but individually as well you hold a position. People admire how passionate fun and full of adventure your life is.
You both balance the forces for each other both negative and positive and your ability to navigate through emotional turmoil like inner conflict as well as conflict with others ultimately dictate your outcome.  You both can see the gravity of the upcoming situation with a clear head you are never clouded with confusion and always think rationally before making any important decisions. You both might as well be very private with your relationship not sharing much online on social media or with your friends and family as well so there is always this admiration towards how your life actually is with each other. It is also possible that you guys are not sharing your celebrations but also your hardships like the problems you are facing in the relationship. It is possible that one of you uses their heart to make decisions while the other takes them from their head so it brings a beautiful combination to the table of both because you respect each other so you listen to each other.
Both of you could be very curious which would always keep you both on the verge of exploring. I am also getting that both of you are very clever and can go to any extent to get your work done. You might have your life as very private but you are well informed about others or what is in trend right now and really good conversation starters because you have information about everything like what ever is going on in the town. People believe that you both are destined to become successful and it is just a matter of time. When you both are together there is a charisma which can draw the best of the best to your side. You both have built a solid foundation for each other and if one of you falls other one is always standing there to help and get you back on the feet. People admire how honest you both are with each other even though you guys are private but if you have small arguments or something of that sort in public you are very honest about it and try to address it with your partner right then and there. You guys might have the rule of not going to bed angry or something of that kind. I am seeing a lot of sarcastic people as well over here.
People would admire how you both travel and explore different things. Both of you are dreamers and hold the capability of turning your dreams into reality. You guys are over competitive and some people in your circle love that about you because that always keeps them on the verge of their seats and helps them to grow. They know that you both are the kind of person who will stop at nothing to reach your goals.
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Thank you so very much for reading this PAC. Will be bringing more soon. Byeee
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shamachan · 4 months ago
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Can you do romantic mcxqiu?
Qiu Lin x gn!MC romantic headcanonsꔛ
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step 2.
amount of symbols: 3275± symbols
A/N below.
enjoy!
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— Actually, it was obvious - their favouritism for you even when they were younger wasn't without any specific reason. You were their childhood crush and it's still present.
— They know that they closed themselves from the others, expect for some of their friends, oh yes they know they're still very well-known. But honestly? It doesn't seem to matter to them now.
— Autumn liked you so much. You'd never know how much they are thinking of you.
— Like, hey, you've been there for them as someone very close for 4 years, not giving any reason to untrust you or doubt you. But that wasn't the main thing.
— You looked out for them! C'mon, you visit their backyard just to talk to them practically everyday! You truly cared and thought about them, they know for sure. And they did it in return in their own way.
— And all of that made Qiu's heart flatter with emotions. They could barely contain them. Their mind was full of all kinds of things - even his notepad didn't help them out. But part of their thoughts become quieter whenever you're with them.
— I think relationship with Qiu is at the same time light, like summer evening breeze, as they definitely know what to do in practically any situation with you and how to communicate properly.
— But it can be as tough as winter cold nights too, when they again go into heavy thoughts about their “I am” and do not want to communicate with anyone at all. They are just become closed to everyone for this period of time, but they'll try and talk to you anyway.
— If someone else will try to get on your way when they're with you, Qiu will act the coldest with this poor person. They don't want this stranger just to be around now. Though if this person is someone who is at least a tiny bit close to Autumn, then they'll spare them.
— So it can be a little hard to be with them, but you know that it worth it and they don't do that on purpose.
— Sometimes they still come to the porch of your house, knock at the door and invite you to walk with them or ride a bike. They want to spend time with you.
— "...Wanna bet that I'd reach the end of the Golden Grove park faster than you?" Autumn would say in the park, already on their bike, smirking confidently at you.
— ...And this way they won't let you go home until the very late evening. But, of course, they won't do it too often.
— Rarely, but still Qiu would let you try to ride on their bike or use their notepad. It matters to them a lot, but you matter so much more.
— It doesn't seem like this, but they really are a soft kid. If you're up for some affection, they're up for it too. They aren't a fan of PDA, but they wouldn't mind if you like it. But if you're affectionate when you're alone with them, Autumn will melt more.
— They wouldn't show physical affection a lot, but they'll certainly support it. You want a hug? Oh, you may hug them all, they're all yours. You want to hold hands? Alright, here you are!
—They won't say many love you's. Qiu totally won't always express their feelings like this! But they would absolutely let you know that you're a "significant other" for them. 100% sure they wouldn't slip it.
— For example, they'll always have your back in any situation, caring and trying to help you, give you some wild flowers from the nearby forest or hand you his special notes.
— Believe me or not, but despite them being popular they have their eyes stay only on you. And that would never change.
— After all, Qiu does loves you. They'll never let you doubt this! Autumn will be there for you. Always.
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A/N: Qiu Lin is one of my comfort characters and while writing this i felt how my love for them grows ahhh
BTW SORRY THAT TOOK A LIL LONG.. I'm a little busy these days so yeah!
but I'll definitely write other requests that i have^^
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merotwst · 2 years ago
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EVEN WHEN THE LEARNING'S DONE AND NOTHING'S NEW !
‹ . housewardens ›
· scenario drabbles
⇝moments that happened in your married life.
[ n: a little something to get myself out of a writers block. not proofread and not very confident of my writing bcs ahaha i havent written in a hot minute + no motivation. this took me almost a week to finish but i still hope u guys enjoy ! ilyyyy ]
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- - - → tw. children (does that count as a tw?????? idk man kids jumpscare in kalim's part)
riddle rosehearts ‹ heartslabyul ›
it wasn't rare for riddle to be working so late. he was a busy man and lived up to his parents' legacy of being the best of the best. you were aware of this when you said yes to his proposal to spend a life with him forever but as his spouse, it pains you to see him overwork himself sometimes. it wasn't the first time you woke from your quiet slumber at 2 in the morning to an empty space beside you. your feet padded across the cold marble floor through the hallway adorned with photographs gilded in gold of you and him that have been taken over the years. a soft knock at the mahogany doors to his study and a quiet response from the other side permitting you to come in. the tea on the tray you carried made riddle sigh with relief, the tension in his body seemingly fading away. he had a soft smile on his face as he brought the teacup to his lips.
“come to bed, riddle. it's so late.” you urge him gently as you made yourself comfortable on one of the chair on the other side of his desk.
he gave you weary look, “i'm not sure i can yet, my love. there's still so much work to do.”
you let out a soft sigh, “i figured as much.” you whispered, standing up and walking around the desk to give him a soft kiss on the lips, “i'll be heading back to sleep then.” you inform him and quietly made your way back to the room.
it wasn't rare for riddle to be working so late. he was a busy man who lived up to his parents' legacy of being the best of the best. it was rare, however, for him to softly close the bedroom door behind him leaving his study and his paperwork unfinished to slip under the covers and wrap his arms around your form.
“what made you change your mind?” you asked, a loving hand on his cheek.
“you did,” he said with a sheepish smile on his face, “you always do.”
leona kingscholar ‹ savanaclaw ›
when you choose to accept a prince's request for your hand hand marriage, you're not only accepting him as a person, you're also accepting the responsibility that comes with becoming royalty. since the day you and leona exchanged your vows, for better or for worse and till death do you part, the title of royal has been embedded onto your name and cemented into sunset savannah's history for all eternity. what you do and say will be seen, heard and talked about by the public. it's your duty to be present, not just for your husband the royal family, but for yourself as well.
so you do your part. you attend the balls, you speak out on important issues that need attention. you smile, you wave, conversing with other country's political leaders and powerful people. you learn to adapt and navigate through the life of a royalty one step at a time. you were doing your best but sometimes it felt like it wasn't enough. and that's when he comes in to yank an ipad out of your hands and snap you out of your trance. he says dwelling on ridiculous articles and getting yourself all affected negatively by it doesn't do anyone any good. that's when he wipes the frustrated hot tears from your cheeks as he sits beside you on the bed, a softer tone now etched in his tone when he spoke, “i know it isn't easy.”
you sniffle in response, your voice shaky as you spoke in uneven breaths, “i'm trying so hard,” a sob, “why does it always feel like i'm always running short? why am i sometimes being treated like i don't know what's happening?”
leona's tail flicks, “did the articles tell you that? or was it the servants whispering in the halls? the people in the ballrooms?” he places a hand on your chin and gently makes you look at him, “listen, i don't know what you overheard or read—but the fact that you undermine your own achievements for the validation of other people is annoying the shit out of me.”
his eyes bore into you as his hands squeezed yours, “you're not royalty from birth, but the amount of things you were willing to change—willing to do just so you can be with me still constantly leaves me in awe. the politics, the royal etiquette and other pointless bullshit takes years to master. you're almost halfway through the progress bar despite being so new to it all.” leona places his forehead against yours, “even if the whole world is against you, i'll be by your side. i've never been more proud to have you as my partner. fuck everyone else.”
when you choose to accept a prince's request for your hand hand marriage, you're not only accepting him as a person, you're also accepting the responsibility that comes with becoming royalty. since the day you and leona exchanged your vows, for better or for worse. you've done all of this just for him. you would keep doing it just for him because know he'd kidnap every star in he sky if you asked him to. you can cry, you can scream, you can be angry—but he's always there and always will be and till death do you part.
you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding in the entire time. and with a raspy voice and a genuine smile, you whisper back.
“fuck everyone else.”
azul ashengrotto ‹ octavinelle ›
homesickness is something you've dealt with the first time you were practically punted over to this twisted world you now reside in. but over time, you realize that this world was always more comfortable for you. it became home whenever you were in the arms of your lover. you found comfort in azul's arms so gentle and tender around you—as if you were the rarest and most fragile seashell he picked up from the depths of his home in the sea. eventually, you stopped thinking of the life you've left behind. you were happy here and that's what mattered.
likewise, he found his home in your arms around his neck in a warm embrace like the first rays of the sun just as the winter season was coming to an end. but unlike you, azul had access to his home. he just never had much opportunity to come back to visit. his life with you on land was what you both collectively decided on. a house near the beach, but nowhere near where his home is at. just enough to breathe in the salt air and the cool embrace of the ocean breeze on his skin. and on more than one occasion, you've seen him let the waves wash over his feet after he'd come back from work. his shoes in his hands as he mindlessly watched the sun set over the horizon.
“a penny for your thoughts?” your hand subconsciously finding its way to his, fingers interlocking together and fitting together perfectly.
“just thinking of the coral sea.”
“i've told you last time we should go to visit again.”
azul let out a sigh and you knew why he didn't like going back to the coral sea—to several memories of his past littered across every corner of the place. he looked at you wearily, the dimming orange beams of the sun coated his face with a lovely hue that made him look almost ethereal and melancholic.
“it's hard going back there sometimes,” he admitted, his head hung, “it took a lot for me to take you back there... to show you everything i've been running away from.”
“and i love every part of it. every part of you, azul.”
you squeeze his hand gently, “it's never always sunshine and calm seas. and i'm always here to embrace you when storms come.”
homesickness is something azul's never really dealt with in the years he's been away from sea. he was happy to be out of there and start anew—but he didn't have a home. no, he was always relying on himself. but over time, he realized that this world was always more comfortable with you. it became home whenever he was your arms, his lover. you were his new home. and no matter where he would end up, he always finds himself running home to you.
kalim al-asim ‹ scarabia ›
“baba's here!” was exclaimed by an energetic boy popping out from the blanket fort you all built together. giggles bounced around the walls as little pairs of feet padded along the floor. the children both ran to their father, the younger one trying her best not to trip and fall on her way there. kalim, who was still in conversation with jamil as he entered the room, had been cut off by the squeals and giggles of the children running to his embrace.
“ya malayiki! 'abi saeid jidana liruyatik maratan 'ukhraa!” (oh, my angels! dad's so happy to see you again!) your husband exclaimed excitedly, wasting no time kneeling to catch their warm embraces in full, “have you two been good?” he asked, lifting your daughter up in his arms earning an excited giggle from her and taking your son's hand in his free one before standing back up, “naeam ya 'baba!” (yes daddy!), your little girl giggled excitedly, “we built a house!” she squealed, pointing at the blanket fort. it was quite a big fort filled with small fairy lights and plenty of pillows and maybe a few snacks littered here and there from their 'construction break'. you three had spent hours making ‘the biggest house for baba’ for when he would get back and the kids are evidently very proud of the outcome of their hard work.
“(maman/baba etc.) said we could sleep here tonight!” the little boy chimed in, shaking his dad's hand to catch his attention. kalim could only grin widely at this, “well,” he started, “since you both worked so hard building the house, i say we all sleep here tonight!” the gasps from the kids and the happy cheers that followed indicated the joy they felt. he's always been a natural with them and you always adored him with children. it's just that he can get quite busy sometimes, which even he has told you about how saddened he is whenever he's apart from his family. and so whenever he has time, you can be sure every second is devoted to you and the kids. his whole heart is with you, after all. always has been since the moment he laid eyes on you all those years ago.
“alright kids,” he said, placing a kiss on your daughter's cheek and squeezing your son's hand gently, “jamil will take you to get you cleaned and ready for bed, okay?” they both grinned in response, “okay!” the kids said simultaneously.
“kalim.” jamil gave a disapproving look, “how many times must i tell you that this is the nanny's job and not mine.” he said in an annoyed tone while simultaneously taking the little girl in his arms and holding onto the boy's hand. this is when you come in from behind, wrapping your arms around your husband's waist, “aw, but they like you, jamil. don't you, kids?”
“i love uncle jamil!” the younger one giggled, “he's one of the funny grown ups.”
jamil let out a defeated sigh, “come on, children. let's get you both cleaned up.” he said, softly shaking his head and if you looked close enough you could see the soft smile on his lips as they walked away.
as soon as the silly questions of, ‘when will you get married’ and ‘can i pet your parrot, uncle?’ faded off into the distance, kalim wasted no time peppering every inch of your face in kisses and tackling you to the blanket fort as both of you giggled and laughed like middle schoolers rolling over the soft silky fabric under your skin. safe to say no matter how old you get, the love you and your husband share will forever remain the same as when it first blossomed from years ago.
vil schoenheit ‹ pomefiore ›
vil liked to keep things organized. he liked to keep a schedule he strictly follows like the skincare routine every night or the color patterns of what fashions he'd decide to wear that day. it's the same as when you were both courting. he had a routine to follow whenever you would see each other on a date. flowers, then he'd check if you dressed right, take you out and give you the best night of your life.
and you know how people say ‘change is good’? well, there are also some things that stay the same over the years. and that was good for you, too. like how he'd book the best restaurant in the city or take you out for a romantic cruise on your wedding anniversary. those nights were always perfect. and at the end of those nights is the same as well. paparazzi flashing their cameras at your face asking the most ridiculous questions. people getting in your business. that was the down side of your relationship with vil, but it wasn't anything you couldn't handle. you knew what you were getting into the day you married him.
but oh sevens. when will they give you a break? it's your wedding anniversary with vil again tonight and he had a whole evening planned out for you. but there was a swarm of paparazzi outside the penthouse you were staying in. your husband had an upcoming movie and that had everyone abuzz and trying to get some statements out of him. there were so many to the point where you both had to go back inside because you could see the camera flashes with your eyes closed. well, you could. vil was used to it. but he wasn't about to force you to run out there with him again. your perfect night hasn't started yet and you already looked exhausted from that temporary encounter. vil silently cursed them for that.
after maybe 30 minutes of waiting for them to leave and with no luck of it ever happening, the blonde stood up from his spot on the couch, “that's it,” he spoke with a tone of finality in his voice, “get changed, darling. we're leaving.”
the confusion was evident in your face and it only made sense when vil came out wearing a hoodie, jeans and mask over his face. he hated wearing such common looking clothes, but sometimes situations call for it. and for you, frankly, he would do almost anything.
vil liked to keep things organized. he liked to keep a schedule he strictly follows like the skincare routine every night or the color patterns of what fashions he'd decide to wear that day. he absolutely hated when his plans wouldn't pull through but sometimes he finds serendipity in even the most dreary situations with you. you could spend your anniversary on a special yacht with the best waiters serving you first class meals and a candlelit dinner or just in a parking lot inside your car with cheap wine that you both agreed tasted awful but kept drinking anyway and at the end of the day, everything still works out. as long as you're by his side, he can learn to be contented even with all the disorganization of ruined plans as long as he's laughing to trashy radio podcasts and temporarily (today's a special exception, he says) ruining his diet for you.
idia shroud ‹ ignihyde ›
your husband, your favorite person, best friend, the only one you love enough to spend the rest of your life with... can sometimes be a little irritating. you know idia better than most people around you. he wasn't exactly the easiest person to get to know because of his very reserved personality but he is one of the smartest and funniest people you know. and you'd hoped that since he is one of the smartest people you know and you're actually married to him, he'd lend a hand when you're trying to do a little bit of spring cleaning to at least make the house look like it's a habitable place and not just a reserve for an endless supply of red bull and monster energy drinks. though the house wasn't necessarily ‘messy’, but it always seemed pretty empty and lacking a bit of life to it. so you thought of doing a bit of rearranging, putting up new decorations and replacing a couple furnitures which you both had bought and majority picked out by him.
this has been the third time you'd checked in his office and your patience was growing thin. you watched him from the doorway as he typed away some sort of code in his computer which was the only light source in the room. you crossed your arms as you called out his name, “idia shroud.” before flicking the light switch on making him hiss at the sudden brightness. he flinched upon seeing you. uh-oh. you used his full name, this can't be good.
“i've been calling you down to help me assemble the table. i'm not good at building things!”
“and i told you i'd be there in a bit. i'm just finishing things up around here.”
“idia.”
“okay! fine. jeez you don't have to threaten me.” he threw his hands up in the air in defeat as he stood up from his chair, “you're lucky i love you.”
you cocked a brow at this comment, arms still crossed across your chest and he rolled his eyes, “fine. other way around, i know. i'm lucky you love me.” he sighed but this time with a smile on his face as he leaned in to plant a kiss on your forehead, “now where is that table you need me to build?”
your husband, your favorite person, best friend, the only one you love enough to spend the rest of your life with... can sometimes be a little irritating. but you know idia better than most people around you. and he sometimes would seem detached and spends most of his time in his own company in front of his computer, he truly cares about you and your happiness. the amount of love he shows through the things he does, even the most menial of tasks like bearing the new, less darker curtain colors that you wanted to put up on the windows or stopping whatever new project he was trying to develop to help you move the new couches around the house. he would never do this for anyone else. and as you both sit under the kitchen counter, a bag of open chips on the floor and soda in your hands looking over at the new house makeover you both spent all day working on, you smiled.
“i'm lucky you love me.” you said, taking a sip of your soda and putting your head on his shoulder. he let out a short, breathy laugh before placing a soft kiss on your temple, “wanna go play mario kart and ruin our newly bought couch with chip crumbs?”
“sure.” you said, slowly standing up. you took a few seconds to stare at each other before you started sprinting to the couch, “last one to get there is in charge of cleaning it up!”
“hey, no fair!”
“nothing's fair in mario kart, babe!”
malleus draconia ‹ diasomnia ›
you once told your husband that one of your most favorite things about him is his smile and the way it so gently breaks out around you. his booming laughter that follows as you eat dinner at the big, lonely castle that was once the place he walked around alone that now feels more alive after he'd married you. you make the most emptiest of places feel alive with love and laughter. you painted his life with colors that he could never see with anyone else.
and speaking of painting, he'd snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of the metal part of he paintbrush clinked on the glass of the jar as the painter dipped the brush into the water. he gave you a glance where you were sat, looking straight at the back of the canvas as if trying to bore a hole onto the painting focusing on keeping your face straight and expressionless as instructed. it was traditional for briar valley's royalty to have their portraits painted whenever there was an addition to the family. and this case, the new addition was you when you both married. and now as he sat beside you, stealing glances he was sure you noticed by the way your lips twitched, he couldnt help but think of how the morning sun's rays seeping into the room that bathed your skin with the soft golden glow of the 10:00 am sun. it made you look absolutely beautiful. well, you always looked beautiful in his eyes. it's why—
someone cleared their throat.
“your highness,” the painter called out to him, “eyes front, if you please.”
he quickly straightened himself, “my apologies.” he hastily responded. he could hear you suck in a breath beside him, probably trying to contain the giggle that was trying to escape your throat.
another 20 minutes of silence passes. just the soft brushing of the paintbrush against the canvas and the occasional clink of the glass could be heard. he couldn't help but steal a glance at you again but to his surprise, you had your eyes on him as well. upon seeing his gaze shift to your figure, you immediately played it cool pretending you weren't looking but the way the smile threatened to break your facade betrayed you. malleus couldn't help the corner of mouth from twitching.
you did your little inhale again to try to compose yourself but uncharacteristically for him, he found that quite humorous abd had to clear his throat to keep him from letting out a laugh.
now that made you break out a smile and clear your own throat to try and stop yourself from bursting into full blown laughter.
you heard the irritation of the painter in the way he placed his paintbrush down. he stood up and gave you and malleus a sharp look before speaking in a very annoyed voice, “i shall go and have a drink delivered to both highnesses as to aid you both in the supposed strains on your throats.”
he made his way to the door, grumbling to himself about how ‘undignified’ or how ‘not taken seriously’ the situation was.
there was a moment of silence before you and malleus burst into a fit of bubbly laughter. his laughs were in his chest escaping in low vibrations while yours were loud and sharp simply to show how hilarious you found the situation to be. with how glorious both your attires were for the portraits looking like the epitome of royalty, the way you were both giggling like teenagers simply threw all the gloriousness out the window.
you once told your husband that one of your most favorite things about him is his smile and the way it so gently breaks out around you. his booming laughter that follows as you eat dinner at the big, lonely castle that was once the place he walked around alone that now feels more alive after he'd married you. even the most boring events in his life that once he would have been forced to accept in all its blandness would be splashed with the most vibrant colors whenever you were in the picture. his life, his love, his pride and joy—you. now that he's seen colors he never would've imagined to be possible to exist in all its dazzling beauty, he can never go back to the dreary shade of gray that hazed over his life. you were his freedom, and he would be ready fight the world to hear your laughter by his side till death do you part.
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junkbbykow · 4 months ago
Text
𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔜𝔬𝔲 𝔑𝔢𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔬 𝔎𝔫𝔬𝔴 𝔄𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔜𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔉𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔰
Hey lovelies! Sorry it's been so long since I made a pac :( I hope you like this one!
This reading is about understanding your current platonic relationships and unveiling the alignment or misalignment they have from your soul family. Whether you feel confident in your friendships or are considering ending them, this reading is for you. Please only accept what resonates, as this is a general reading.
Think of your current friend group and pic a picture.
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pile 1 pile 2 pile 3 pile 4 pile 5
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Your Current Friend Group Dynamic
Hi, Pile one! From the cards I am getting that you lose a lot of your power in your current group of friends. This has also been a pattern throughout previous relationships. I heard that you can be belittled or torn down by the people around you. It might not be as obvious to you whether that's because you have a neurodivergences that makes it hard to pickup social cues or because the people you are around are sneaky about how they mistreat you to make sure you don't leave. This reading might be for you if you feel like the odd person out. If you're the fat friend, or the Black friend, or any other singularity within the group. Additionally, this pile might be for you if you don't have very close ties with anyone, including family.
With Strength in reverse, you have great power, wit, and charisma but around the people you currently see as friends you make yourself small, avoid stirring the pot, and get mistreated. I also feel as though you have made yourself docile? Like you have the ability to clapback and stick up for yourself, but around these people you have lost touch with that incredible ability. It is okay to be angry. It is a justified response to being mistreated. One thing you can do is reconnect with your anger and be confrontational. Your current friends are WAY too comfortable making jokes at your expense, excluding you, and even talking about you behind your back.
With The Emperor in reversed after that, your energy appears to be off balance. What I am picking up is that you are overly giving. Now, I am not saying you are too generous of a person. I AM saying that there is not a fair exchange or a sense of reciprocity in your current relationship. You may show up to all of your friends events, plan birthday parties, help your friends find opportunities and resources while all they do for you is the bare minimum. I'm seeing that your inner self is very used to this mistreatment. What I am seeing visually is a young femme presenting person who's familiar with being bullied for their appearance or how they act. Again, that might just be people picking up on you for being neurodivergent and not knowing how to handle it. Regardless, I see a person who's very familiar with being the topic of discussion in a negative light. Your inner self has latched onto these friend groups that do the bare minimum because at least instead of bullying you for how you come off they give "constructive criticism" that you can use to be "accepted". That is not friendship and you are perfect the way you are. You don't need to glow-up or do a complete 180 with how you show up in the world to be deserving of love. I also feel like there is no amount of clothing, makeup, money, or glamour magic that will stop people from being hating a$$ b*tches. Just do you. Similarly, you have a personality and energy that can't be hidden so stop trying!
The Wheel of Fortune in reverse demonstrates to me that your blessings are being put on hold due to the unhealthy dynamic of the people around you. I genuinely believe the people you currently hang out with or have been with in the past don't have your best interest at heart. If given the chance, I think these people would deliberately harm or betray you. Their loyalties do not lie with you and they think you are easily used and manipulated (you are not). The reason this is halting your blessings is because these people are very envious and insecure. If you have great opportunities in your life to reach your dreams they will disrupt it on an energetic and physical level. I see a whole WORLD of opportunity open for you and the spiritual hands at be do love you.
Your current friend groups feel restrictive. You can't fully show up as yourself. I can tell you feel alone, isolated, and unloved, but that doesn't have to be the case forever.
With The Hanged Man in reverse at the bottom of the deck you are not showing up in your authenticity. The people around have probably told you that you are too loud, take up too much space, or something along those lines. To me you are bodacious in all meanings of the word (audacious, impressive, and attractive). These can be intimidating for a person who covets those traits but doesn't know how to embody it. While you might not believe me because your friends may be more conventionally attractive, go on dates, and seem outwardly courageous, the way they mistreat you goes to show how little they think of themselves and the pedestal they put you on because you are unapologetically you and there's now way to hide it. Their attempts to change you are to make your smaller and less remarkable.
Your Soul Family's Dynamic
First, I'd like to acknowledge that your soul family's energy is very vocal. And what I heard is that they are concerned about your well being.
CW - the next paragraph mentions suicidal ideation. Please skip the next paragraph if you are not in a place to consume this type of content.
For anyone experiencing suicidal ideation, your soul family genuinely wants to support you through this time. For those of you who can afford metal healthcare please invest in working with a licensed professional. If you cannot access a mental health provider please take some time to ground yourself through mediation, somatic yoga, affirmations etc. If you do have trustworthy people in your life reach out, but if not, I heard a tarot reading could be a way to connect with your soul families energy and bring you some reprieve (this reading does not have to be with me and is not a promotion of my services. It's genuinely what came through as a solution).
END OF CW
With The Hanged Man upright, you'll be in a position to be your truest self. Your soul family will naturally pull you out of your shell or help you unmask for those of you who are neurodivergent. Your soul family is a group of people who all outwardly express themselves differently. As a group you may not look like you make sense together or you all are very expressive in how you dress or show up in the world. Your soul family values being different and not obeying social norms. They may also have unconventional jobs in sex work, art, or a job you never knew existed.
With your soul family, you exist within The High Priestess energy. Your intuition is heightened, your independent, and you are working towards your own goals. Your not wrapped up in other peoples BS or missing out on your own life supporting someone else. Boundaries are respected and you can have your needs met. This High Priestess Upright card also represents not looking for more. You are satiated. Your are not looking for greener grass or needing to beg for your friends (and partner(s)) to provide what you need in the relationship. I also feel like you get to be a lot more selfish with your time and resources. To me, this indicates being with people who are a lot more self reliant then your previous friends (I initially wanted to say partners so maybe your soul family is less platonic and more polyamorous or you identify as aromantic/asexual. Alternatively, this could simply apply to both romantic and platonic relationships).
The Chariot upright, your soul family helps you get places they are the horses pulling you along. You and possibly several of your friends may be disabled. You all work together to get through the day. This could be helping each other clean, reminding each other of their responsibilities, etc. Basically, if you feel like you're doing everything alone and it's holding you back from living the life you desire, your soul family will make it so that is a more collaborative, community effort. These friends may also bring you into connection with a romantic partner.
Judgement upright indicates that these relationships will not only help you in the physical with The Chariot card, but on an energetic level. Having the support of your soul family will help you reach new heights and start on a new stage of your journey. You will be transforming a lot as a person in this group. Your soul family will also help you with decision making in a sense. If you are very indecisive as a trauma response, this will be healed through these connections.
With Justice upright, your soul family connection will not only feel balanced but the amount of love and support you receive will almost make you forget all the bullshit you went through. I think it will also help you value the relationships you have built with these people because you recognize how bad you used to have it. Your inner child will also be very excited for this relationship because it'll be the kind of friends you always wanted to play with as a kid. There's a lot of deep healing here.
With The Tower upright, these relationships will definitely deconstruct your old world view. Essentially, you have never experienced a love like this before and it will reshape how you see love. From this I see a romantic connection coming through with The Lovers Upright (you might meet at a house party/kickback). Overall your friendship is very harmonious.
Last thing I will note about your dynamic is that The Hierophant upright indicates you will be setting some new personal vales. Again touching on your new found ability to be decisive. This also may be more spiritual, so you could gain a better understanding of what you believe when it comes to your spirituality.
How to Evolve towards your Soul Family
If the Shoe Fits indicates you need to go where you are accepted. A lot of past relationships consisted of you bending and contorting yourself to be included in a group of people who don't love themselves let alone you. You'll know when you are moving towards the energy of your soul family when you go where you are wanted. When you are no longer seeking invites, but simply existing on your own. An aspect of this card is appreciating your uniqueness without muddling it down to fit into a box. You are not a "core" or aesthetic your a human being with a wide array of traits, quirks, and abilities. You'll be a lot more outwardly expressive through your clothes, speech, or something that is on public display. This could also be voicing opinions or unmasking if you are neurodivergent.
With Clear As a Bell following the previous card, you'll be in a space in your life where you don't feel bogged down by external factors. There's sense of freedom and openness in your life. Because of this, you'll have less room for BS from other people that you tolerated in the past. I'm having trouble putting this time into words, so you may not even notice when this is happening. It's a period in your life that will sneak up on you. What I can tell is that you'll be focusing on yourself and goin through a time of grounding. Reconnecting with your body through nature is highlighted here.
Fill Your Cup shows me that evolving towards your soul family requires you to invest in your own wellbeing through therapy, exercise, somatic healing, shadow work, hygiene, organizing, and other forms of self and healthcare. Like I said before, focusing on yourself and what you have going on will bring you closer to your soul family. Prioritize yourself and what you have going for you.
At the bottom of the deck there is Offerings. This card is double-sided. On one hand, you'll notice an uptick in opportunities and abundance, but on the other you will be asked to sacrifice valuable things in your life. While I say asked (and of course nothing will be forced on you) it will probably won't be the easiest to let go of. For example people, places, and things that no longer deserve to hold space in your life will start showing their a$$. This is a tell tale sign that you should pack up and move on.
Final Remarks
There's an airy playfulness not only to you but the life you will lead in the future. This is the energy you should look for in a friend group.
The first step is acknowledging that people have not been the best to you and then processing that. Then you can finally grieve the relationships you have never had but always wished you did.
It will be very clear that the people you consider your soul family are. There won't be hesitation or doubt. The relationships you build won't come with many setbacks. For example in your past relationships you could have fall in and out of contact with people or maybe had a argument early into the relationship or a third party disrupted your friendships.
Did you enjoy the reading? Please give me feedback! If you'd like to book a reading, I have Cameos for $15 here and written readings for various prices here. Find more PACs here!
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Your Current Friend Group Dynamic
Immediately I felt as though your current friend group was in alignment with where you currently are in life. I think this is more how you feel and perceive them and less to do with the reality of the relationships you are in. You idolize your friends in ways they don't deserve. With Death being the first card for this reading, your current friend group has put an end to a lot of unhealthy cycles for you. Simultaneously, I am picking up on a codependent energy. While they may help you unlearn a some destructive perspectives from your past, they are teaching you just as many new ones. Your current platonic relationships consist of a group of people from all backgrounds. It seems as though there's a lot of people with different perspectives on life all connecting through a mutual experience or philosophy. This could be connections born from close proximity like roommates, coworkers, classmates, etc. While this group may be in alignment with you currently, I do not foresee these relationships being lifelong commitments. One thing I'll note is that I am picking up that you are very different from the people you currently hang out with. I don't think you realize it yet, but beyond the surface you will come to realize just how different you and your current friends are. I see this taking years to accumulate and present itself to you.
With The World following the previous card, this is apart of your life journey. These current relationships are there for a reason and you are currently exactly where you need to be. While this may sound positive, it's really a neutral outlook. Your current relationships aren't bad or good. There's an energy of indifference. I just heard "good for now." Enjoy the people you are currently around. Cherish the time you spend together and what you have gained from them being in your life while they are there. When it's time to le t go, be open to leaving these relationships behind even if they haven't been "bad" to you in the physical.
With The Fool on the bottom of the deck, I think you are oblivious to the true intentions of the people around you. You're moving to the beat of your own drum and taking things as they come. People around you are definitely not in that energy. I see people being envious of this energy you have and investing a lot of energy in seeing you fall.
The vibe of your friend group is very trickstery and they almost convinced me they were not of harm in the current moment, but they definitely are. Please leave the people you are currently around immediately. If you are in forced close proximity due to being roommates or something like that, create distance, spend less time with them, and create relationships outside of this group. Someone(s) trying to control you and keep you to themselves.
What I picked up earlier in the reading may be true. You might be in alignment with this energy, but I don't think you want to be. I think this might be the first time you have had a friend group that feels even halfway decent. The trickster energy might even be coming from you in some aspects. I think you are disregarding A LOT of red flags in these relationships. You have never not been mistreated so being mistreated less feels good. To you it seems like normal arguments because at least it's not as explosive as before. It may be subtle but it is deadly.
These people are definitely blocking the right people from entering your life.
Your Soul Family's Dynamic
With Death reversed, this dynamic will be an opposing reflection of the relationships your currently in. For example, where your current friends may be all about dressing super nice for superficial trendy reasons, your soul family will dress up because it makes them fell good and is representation of who they are. Your current friends are very performative and egotistical, whereas your soul family is pleasure based and is motivated by their internal compass instead of external gaze.
The Empress indicates that your soul family is a community. No one person is the "leader" or better than the rest of the group. I feel as though your soul family pulls its resources together into a community library of source. if there's something someone needs one or all of you are willing to lend it. Similar to Pile One, your soul family is not seeking anything more than what they currently have. They are satisfied with the relationships they have built and are more focused on cultivating one they have than looking for greener grass. There's an openness to new opportunities with your soul family, but you wait for the opportunities to arise instead of spending time searching for them constantly.
Temperance only further proves that you soul family is a group of people who call it by ear and coat with the circumstances they are given. There's a playful balance and a skillful maneuvering of abundance within this family. With temperance, I see your soul family is appreciative of your fool energy. Instead of looking to manipulate this playful, naive, and optimistic personality you have, your soul family embodies these attributes as well. This brings a lot of luck and positivity to you all.
How to Evolve towards your Soul Family
You'll connect with your soul family's energy when you stop constantly searching for the next big thing. I think it eats you up inside not to be where you want to be or experience setbacks, but it's okay to slowly ease int the life you want or take a turn for something better because you have the capacity to take it on because you were going slow enough to change course.
With Fill Your Cup, you should dedicate energy to uplifting yourself. With Plie 1, this was about self-care, mindfulness, and health. For this pile, I see you should invest in your education. Learn what it means to be in healthy interpersonal relationships, but also improve your technical skills in your your hobbies/career. I think you all should take time to cultivate a strong sense of self. What do you like and dislike, what's acceptable or what's not, and what are you seeking and does it actually interest you.
Final Remarks
MAJOR shadow work needs to be done in this group. Literally had a breakdown reading into this energy xD Please write, talk, move whatever you are dealing with out of your body.
YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY AND NOT HAVE YOUR FEELINGS HURT BY THE PEOPLE CLOSE TO YOU!
There is a funky energy around you. Please heal and protect yourself from harm when & how you can
There's a person around you either love bombing you or just very aggressive with how the try and get close to you. Your relationships should unfold overtime. They are faking closeness to misguide you
Your current friend(s) do not see you in high regard. They think your easily manipulated or just flat out not smart
If you are seeing this and this pile truly resonated with you, there's an opportunity for you to leave your current friendships before it blows up in your face. Creating distance and not making long-term commitments to the people you are currently around would be a smart move based on the energy I am picking up. When you avoid a sticky situation, you'll never know what was wrong or out of alignment with your energy. You just have to take that leap of faith and trust that you made the right choice.
Did you enjoy the reading? Please give me feedback! If you'd like to book a reading, I have Cameos for $15 here and written readings for various prices here. Find more PACs here!
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Your Current Friend Group Dynamic
I didn't get a card for this question, but it seems to me you don't have friends. It's interesting because the image of your group makes me thinking of having an imaginary friend. Maybe you're a frequent or maladaptive daydreamer. You might have acquaintances or people you talk to but no real bonds with these people. On an emotional level you feel very distant from most of your peers and general environment. I'm hearing this could also be a one-sided dynamic between you an other people. A majority of you are giving your best into "friendships" you have but the people you are trying to build relationships with don't seem to show an interest in any offers you make. This might also be in the reverse where someone(s) is trying to be your friend and you keep shutting them down.
Overall, you are alone or alone adjacent. I'm also picking up on a defeated spirit.
Your Soul Family's Dynamic
Your soul family's dynamic is sort of elusive. The best way I can describe it is as an empty beach with big crashing waves. It makes me think of that one scene from My Sister's Keeper. Your soul family might have disabilities both visible and invisible. /i think internalized ableism is going to be something you unpack with your real friends. You might also live together for an extended period of time. I think you'll start as friends and then become roommates and start to feel like a family. There's probably four people in this group but two in particular stick out. One has a very goth presentation while the other seems more generic or "normal." I am also picking up on the city of San Francisco and living in a duplex with one of those rounded windows. I'm also seeing a queer flag hanging on the wall like a tapestry. Your house with them isn't messy but definitely lived in. The vibe is an mid-2000s romance/drama. Also everyone in the group is pretty young. I think you'll meet in your mid to late 20s.
How to Evolve towards your Soul Family
Your evolution doesn't require steps. It's more of just keep hanging on. Like giving up is an option that I think you very eagerly want to take, but the only way to get to these people is by sitting through the bullshit and waiting for it to get sorted. Basically, you need to build up your endurance. If there were any steps to take it would be to fill your time with something until they come along. Hobbies, binge watching TV, sports. doesn't really matter as long as it keeps your from ruminating in scary (possibly self-harm ideation) thoughts.
Final Remarks
From the very start f this reading I can tell that this collective is very dissociative. Please look into professional counseling or seeking out grounding rituals that will tether you to your reality.
You're loveable now your just not in a loving environment
There's emphasis on not changing. Don't alter your values or change your standards in hopes it will speed up the process. It won't.
Doing stuff for the plot is fine, but be safe. You may have a self-destructive pattern that puts you in harms way (specifically with romantic/sexual encounters) Be wary of people who view you as a sexual being and nothing else
ENJOY YOURSELF. There is no point in being sad for your entire wait. If it makes you happy do it.
Did you enjoy the reading? Please give me feedback! If you'd like to book a reading, I have Cameos for $15 here and written readings for various prices here. Find more PACs here!
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Your Current Friend Group Dynamic
Your current friend group seems curated. Almost as if you handpicked them to serve a specific purpose in your life. While this a great strategy for networking and building a career, it doesn't carry the depth of genuine connection. You may still be picking friends based on who your parents or some authority figure would approve of. I almost feels as though your "friends" have to be impressive asf (on paper) to run in your circle. This may even transfer into physical beauty and expecting your friends to meet a certain standard. While I think you are satisfied with your friend group from a certain perspective, it doesn't have long lasting impact. Do you feel like your relationships are lacking? It might be missing sincerity. These transactional relationships lack reciprocity. Both you and who you are in relation with expect some compensation for every good deed from rides to the airport to venting about a shitty ex.
Your Soul Family's Dynamic
Your soul family is supportive. They show up. They aren't looking for anything in return accept your love and affection. Your soul family is trusting. They don't look for the evil in everyone. These people genuinely have an optimistic outlook on life and believe people are "good" at their core. I'm picking up Gemini energy so you might be a group of talkers. There's also two sides of your groups dynamic. On one side you are supportive and hold deep conversation while on the other you have fun an goofy conversations. I see a minimalist apartment in a city that's candle lit for some kind of dinner party or game night. Your soul family has a seriousness about them. You might all excel in your fields and still be impressive on paper but that's not WHY your friends.
How to Evolve towards your Soul Family
To reach your soul family start by living your life without expecting to get hurt. I also feel like you like to play games with people and test them. That won't serve you when you engage with people who are genuine. You have to learn how to trust and lean into what feels right. I also suggest gaining an understanding of when your body is aligned to people and places. Instead of testing people you can simply check-in with how you feel and make choices from your internal world instead of external.
Final Remarks
Hang out with people who look different. Add some diversity to your circle
Your need for perfection is impacting your ability to make true connections. Unpack how you force yourself to meet impossible standards and how that might be bleeding over into other relationships
Give back to others. Your energy is very self serving and there isn't much space for other people in the picture
STOP GIVING A F*CK
Did you enjoy the reading? Please give me feedback! If you'd like to book a reading, I have Cameos for $15 here and written readings for various prices here. Find more PACs here!
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Your Current Friend Group Dynamic
Your current friend group seems like it's a group of people who feel counter-culture but perpetuate the same systems they feel oppressed by. You may be surrounded by (or you are as well) people who describe themselves as "haters." While critiquing harmful systems and practices there's a point where is becomes obsessive. Are you and your friends pointing out how a trend or style is appropriative or are you just bullying "normies." When n your not hating or sticking your nose in other peoples lives what are you doing? Is any of it meaningful to you? Does it feed your soul?
This one is a bit harsh, but this isn't an easy thing to hear about yourself of your friends. Please keep in mind I am in no way judging your character. This is just the energy I am picking up.
I suggest taking note of how much your current friends talk about random people and the choices they are making. When you remove the comedic timing and social justice lens is it a critique or is it just liberal bullying? You might also notice that the same things they claim t hate may be perfectly fine when they do it.
Your Soul Family's Dynamic
Your soul family is nonjudgmental. They don't spend much time focused on the actions of others. Your soul family dynamic is more focused on pleasure and giving back. Instead of making sly comments about things they dislike, they have a strong sense of morals that they do their best to uphold in daily life. Essentially, they lead by example. When I see your soul family, I see a backyard garden. one that you all share. I also see your soul family as people who do random acts of kindness just because they can. I'm not sure how you all will interact with each other but you all seem very focused on making the world a better place. I think you all enjoy the simplicity of life: reading books, walking, and looking at trees.
How to Evolve towards your Soul Family
You need to do a thorough assessment of who you are surrounded by. Are you oblivious to the true intentions of your current friends? Are you perpetuating harmful behaviors that aren't aligned with who you want to be? You might also be lacking in abundance. That's a clear indication that the vibes are off and you need to plant yourself in a more nourishing environment. If this reading resonates, it's likely your close friends are sending you evil eye, engaging in one-sided competition with you, or just genuinely could careless about your wellbeing. To evolve to you soul family, stop running from loneliness. If you spend time alone, you'll probably discover a lot about yourself and be able to see your current relationships from a new perspective. You might even come up with a solution to your abundance problems.
Final Remarks
Love yourself enough to sit with your own thoughts
Your current relationships come off as codependent. Do any of your friends have anything going for them or do you all just fill up each others time to avoid dealing with your problems
The nature of your soul family with become clearer as you spend time deciding what YOU want from life
Do you even like your friends as people? Like sure they are funny but are they people who are nice?
Don't let someone else's problem become yours
Did you enjoy the reading? Please give me feedback! If you'd like to book a reading, I have Cameos for $15 here and written readings for various prices here. Find more PACs here!
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itsdeniini · 4 months ago
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SUNGHOON'S TWIN FLAME - A TAROT READING
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🫧‧₊˚⋅ n ¤ t ə ⋆ : : i am a self-taught tarot reader, and the interpretations i provide are personal. if anyone would like to share their own insights, i would be more than happy to hear them! please be kind <3
★2: in this reading, I will be talking about a person from the future and how their relationship will progress at the moment when they are already know each other; that's the twin flame that he's yet to meet. 👾
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GENERAL READING ︻╦╤─
The Sun, The Emperor, The Star, Queen of Wands, 8 of Pentacles, The Chariot, The Tower, The High Priestess
There's an unmistakably regal air to this person. Yes, that's the first thing that came to mind, because she's literally exuding the vibes of a royalty. A 𖤓 Leo perhaps? She's carrying herself as a noble with dignity, and it's not only this but also the fact that she's conceited. Leos have a reputation for being conceited, but let's think AGAIN 🤓☝️ Leos do feel important, but it's usually because they want to change the world in some way to make it a better place. In our case, our twin flame is motivated by affection for people and often has big dreams and plans to make people happy. She is hard-working. After all, she is attracted to the good things in life and knows she has to work to get them, something she is doing at the moment. She most surely works in entertainment, just as Sunghoon, but in a different direction. She's quite emotive, so I bet she's an actress or a presenter.
But one thing about her is that she was not always a go-getter typa girl. In those past ~2-3 years she was in a languid mood that put her career under some sort of limitation. She used to sleep in, laze around, and luxuriate for long periods of time. However, this year she seems to have pulled herself together and gotten to work, and she's doing it with new determination and intensity. She's still early in her career, so I can suppose she's 20–23 years old. She tends to blow up and create herself a new image, and the fact that she's versatile enough to do that will help her thrive. Now (before too, I think) she is staring in something thriller-like with a lot of action, and she likes this genre so much. I got reminded of Sunghoon's acting in the UNTOLD Concept Cinema and his gun scene, and with that, I mean that she's having similar roles where she's the mean girl that has bad blood with the antagonist. And she fits in SO GOOD, her acting agenda is 🤌... Investigation drama? Yes. Something post-apocalyptic? Yes. Detective? Mhm! She also has experience playing in romance/teen romance movies/television series, so again, she must be extremely driven to stare in as many movies this year and get that bag in.
The worst thing you can do to her is accuse miss twin flame of bad intentions. Displaying behavior that makes her think you don't appreciate her runs a close second! She might become mighty hurt and pouty when others (especially her lover, so take notes Sunghoon ✍️) don't see her for the noble intentions she has.
And something I wanted to point out! In my Could Sunghoon date a foreigner post, the anon mentioned that they see Sunghoon as a Korean guy with traditional views on life, and as I said, he's not that traditional, at least in comparison to THIS young lady who has fixed views and may also appear conservative. She'll hold on to situations and people for a very long time before giving up completely, while Sunghoon is more of a "Meh, I'm done with A, B, and C... with all of them!"
And just as I thought, she's both idealistic and perfectionist, just like Sunghoon! She has a very noble inner code that she answers to. Although she appears rather confident on the surface, she can also be humble. She is the first to blame herself when something goes wrong. Once again, it's her self-importance at work, and this characteristic works in unexpected ways. Instead of being the conceited, self-absorbed show-offs of reputation, she can be very self-aware, self-conscious, and, yes, even humble.
ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏~♡ So that's what we have so far...
Positive traits: She is masterful, brave, and competitive; she likes authority; and she aspires toward an ideal. She likes to give advice. She is honest, frank, loyal, open, and sincere. Possible issues: pride, vanity, arrogance, presumption, and disdain for others.
And from the Sun we go to the Moon... ☾𖤓
The Fool, The Knight of Wands, The Wheel of Fortune, The Page of Swords, 8 of Wands, Temperance, 3 of Cups, 7 of Swords
Sunghoon's ☾ is in Aquarius, and since they're quite similar, I can presume that it's the same thing for her, but I'm more inclined towards her being a Sagittarius ☾. ☾ Sagittarians, just like ☾ Aquarians, need personal freedom and space. She is extraordinarily happy and easygoing, as long as she doesn't feel caged in or cooped up. Also, Sagittarians have a simultaneous need for activity. Meeting new people, going out in the world, or traveling are all important to their well-being. She loves open spaces and, in her house, a roomy and bright environment. Eh, this girlie 😭 She easily forgets appointments or veers from her schedules, a bit irresponsible, hehe~ However, it is hard to stay angry at her for that! She is just too cheerful and upbeat while working with the crew, and her optimism is catchy. So outdoorsy! At the very least, she has a great love for friendly competition. When she gets tough, she gets moving. She doesn't like to be caught up in routine for too long, and she needs frequent escapes. She's such a dreamer as well <3 There's a blind faith that is admirable; she believes that everything will ultimately work out. She is not much for making detailed plans; she prefers to wing it and deal with whatever comes her way when it comes. She's very adaptable and generally on the go.
ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏~♡ So what do we have now...
Positive traits: May like to throw herself into the unknown and into adventure; she is agile, tough, and enthusiastic. Attracted to long trips or discovering the unknown, she has a need for escape or flight and room for spontaneity. Possible issues: May take great risks by throwing herself into the unknown. Audacious, bold, and rebellious. Unable to stay in one place, she was always ready to risk everything to achieve her goal.
PERSONAL STYLE ! >.<
1. Vibrant maxi dress with bold patterns, statement earrings, comfortable sandals.
2. Tailored bright-colored blazer, casual tee, distressed jeans, standout necklace.
3. Jumpsuit, bangles, stylish yet comfortable shoes.
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[ 𖹭 approximative representation ↗ and face card ⁀➴ˎˊ˗ ]
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petitelepus · 3 months ago
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hello again can u please have a part 2 of the slave tengen x wife's x reader please you left me waking on eggs shelf (I can't spell)
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Summary: Your slaves start giving birth and you call the doctor to come and help you and Tengen. While you wait, you talk and then you welcome the babies to the world.
Warnings: Pregnancy, Babies
A/N: Slave!AU, Demon Slaves, Gender Neutral Reader, Tengen Uzui, Makio, Suma, Hinatsuru
PART 1 - PART 2
The next 6 hours were maybe the most stressful ones you had ever experienced during your life and you had been an undercover cop in some bad places where being exposed would have certainly cost you your life.
The doctor you had on speed dial had come to your house at record time when you called her and told her that the two of your Demons had gone to labor at the same time.
Doctor Muta was the best in her field when it came to treating Demons of all sorts. She had helped when Hinatsuru had gone into labor and you also trusted her to treat Suma and Makio.
When you had called and told her there were 2 Demons giving birth, she had taken her husband with her who usually assisted her in the hospital.
Honestly, the doctor was a blessing because you knew nothing about giving birth. You had seen it on TV, but you were in no way qualified to help in it.
Tengen had woken up the moment you called the doctor and when the Doctor and her husband arrived he was protectively guarding his mates… But because Doctor Muta had helped Hinatsuru, Tengen knew he could trust the good doctor.
It wasn't easy to wait outside the bedroom where Suma and Makio were giving birth. You and Tengen were walking around each other as you waited. Time seemed to slow down and it felt like forever…
But then you heard crying and you both perked up and looked at the door. The said door opened and Doctor's husband peeked out, mask on his face so you couldn't see his smile.
"Congratulations! You got a healthy baby girl!" He said and you smiled excitedly. A girl! You looked at Tengen who looked amazed by the fact that he had a daughter.
"My daughter…" He murmured and the man nodded before he heard his wife call for him to come back and help her with the second baby.
"Just a second, you're about to become a dad again!" The husband laughed as he closed the door and you turned to look at the Demon beside you.
"You're doing very well Tengen," You told him and he nodded but couldn't exactly return your smile.
"I know, but…"
"But?"
"I'm worried…"
"Oh," You nodded, "Why?"
"Will I…" He swallowed, "Will I be able to keep them safe?"
"What do you mean?" You frowned a little, "You're fantastic mate and father!"
"Am I?" He looked at you, "I couldn't protect my wives when those men took us… Hell, if it weren't for you, they or our babies wouldn't have made it…"
"But that didn't happen," You reminded him, "You shouldn't worry about what might have happened because it didn't happen. Think about the present instead."
"What if…" His frown deepened as he thought about the worst-case scenarios that would have ensued if it hadn't been for you.
It felt unnatural to see such a confident Demon feel so… Uncertain. Tengen took great pride in his looks and strength, and how loving and dear his wives were to him. So seeing him look so afraid almost broke your heart.
"Tengen, you're forgetting that you aren't alone." You smiled as you gently patted his back, "You have Hinatsuru, Makio, and Suma and a fresh litter of babies that need you now. Your wives, no matter what, are there for you, and Hell, I'm here for you guys and your babies."
"I'm…" He swallowed as he looked at you, "And I'm thankful for that. That you saved us."
"It was the best thing I ever did." You said and as Tengen looked at you, he could tell you weren't lying or trying to sugarcoat anything.
The Demon was about to say something when you guys heard another cry coming and you both looked at the door excitedly… But no one came to tell you how the babies were doing.
You and the Demon were growing anxious and were about to knock on the door… When you heard the crying again, you both sighed in relief. Babies must have been alright.
The door opened and the Doctor's husband stepped out, taking off his mask and smiling ear to ear to you, "Congratulations! You got a girl and a healthy set of twins!"
"T-!" You and Tengen gasped, "Twins!?"
"Yes!" The man laughed, "Would you like to come and greet your babies?"
"I…" Tengen swallowed and automatically looked at you, "Can Master come also?"
"Of course!" The man nodded and you looked at the Demon, stunned, "Are you sure?"
"Absolutely," He nodded and the both of you stepped into the room, and as soon as you saw tired Suma and Makio, but no babies. Tengen rushed to his wives' side in record time.
"W- Where are the babies?" The Demon asked and Suma smiled tiredly, "Doctor is cleaning them."
The male let out a sigh of relief and then he looked at both of his wives so lovingly, your heart almost ached.
"You're amazing," He smiled, "Both of you and Hinatsuru."
"Thank you, dear," Makio smiled and Tengen returned the sweet gesture before he asked, "Which one is whose?"
"I got the girl and Makio got the boys," Suma replied and you could see how her husband's red eyes gleamed in joy, "You are all amazing. My amazing wives…!"
"Here comes the babies!" You all heard and turned to look to see Doctor Muta and her husband carry three small bundles in their arms. The Doctor handed a baby to Suma and her husband handed one to Makio and offered the third one to Tengen, "Would the proud daddy hold his baby?"
"With pride…" Tengen nodded as he accepted the baby wrapped in a nice fluffy blanket. You took a peek and noticed that the Suma's girl had her mother's dark hair while Makio's twin boys had their father's gorgeous silver hair, much like Hinatsuru's child had.
"They are gorgeous," You thought out loud quietly, and the Demons couldn't have been prouder. You were also proud of them and you felt honored to share this sweet and tender moment with them.
"Oh, officer, a word?" Doctor Muta asked for you and you stepped aside, but you were feeling wary, "What is it, are the babies alright?"
"Absolutely!" The good Doctor chuckled as she took her mask off and showed you that smile of hers, "Babies are wonderful, but just like with any Demon, make sure to keep them out of the sun, and until they get their teeth, they can nurse on their mother's milk."
"I see," You nodded as you registered this information given to you, "Thank you Doctor for all your help."
"Don't mention it!" She laughed, "Demons are interesting beings, aren't they? So versatile, strong, and yet they have their weaknesses."
"I understand," You nodded, "Please, send me the bill so I can pay you."
"Understood. I'll come and see the newborn and parents in a week."
"Thank you, Doctor," You smiled, "You were a huge help today!"
"Always a pleasure to help you!" She laughed as she picked her stuff, and husband before leaving. You smiled as you moved to join the fresh parents, but you noticed a movement by the room's entrance-!
"Is everything alright?"
It was Hinatsuru, holding her baby! You and Tengen gasped as you saw her and you immediately rushed to her, "Hinatsuru, what are you doing here?" You yelped as you helped her to sit down on the bed.
The fresh mother smiled as she looked at her fellow wives, husband, and their children. She smiled, "I couldn't stay away from my husband, wives, or our new babies."
"Tell me next time!" You pouted, but you couldn't stay mad when you saw all 4, no, all 8 of them together. They were so happy, a perfect family really.
You smiled as you reached for your phone and opened the camera, "Let's take some pictures of you guys for the album!"
"You have an album of us?"
"After this day, I will!" You grinned, excitedly "Alright, everybody, please look at the camera and smile!"
They smiled and that was the first picture of them in your first album out of many that would come as the years would pass. You smiled as you looked at the perfect picture, but then the Demons called you, "Master, come to the picture with us!"
"Me?" You blinked and they smiled, "You saved us and gave us a life. We consider you as part of our family."
"Ah…!" You nearly cried as you nodded and walked to them, turning the camera the other way and taking a picture of all 9 of you and your huge family together.
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casinoquartet · 1 year ago
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[long] U TURNED ON ASKS YIPPEE!!! hi i’m that recent anon, i love ur posts so much :))) thank you for everything, and the fic you linked was incredible! that facet of swagdoons in which red is so so painfully genuinely in true love with ash, under all the layers of power plays, through the real pain of each and every one of ash’s betrayals… i will die!!!! and thank you (& your friends) for posting about the casino quartet, i am soooo thankful for the introduction to the best polycule ever. one thing i love about the casino quartet is how clown and branzy are obnoxiously public (people know so many details that they really did not need to know) (hence people feel so confident that they’re genuinely devoted & reliant on each other that they’ll try to use one against the other) (prime example: the season 3 obsidian trap), while ash and red are obnoxiously private (no one understands what the fuck is ever going on between them) (no one knows how to manipulate their dynamic, no one can properly account for their incomprehensible relationship while trying to strategize) (prime example: boosfer’s phobias video). i like to imagine that clownzy are the closest people to the internal workings of swagdoons (they see the domestic arguments & the intimacy behind closed doors, listen to their private rants about each other, were present for some of the loaded swagdoons history that ash and red don’t even really talk about themselves). also i watched zam’s first stream of the hardcore smp yesterday [8/21/2022] and i find it so funny how ash will bring up clownzy and clown will bring up swagdoons. (ash announces he’s going to recite “the bible: part 2” and reads aloud a clownzy angst fanfiction; clown says in the middle of a formal meeting that red should sit on ash’s lap because they’re swagdoons). why are they always like this. and idk if you feel much interest in the latest season of the kaboodle smp but i’m really hoping for some clown x ash homosexualities, to fill out the casino quartet dynamics. as of now, we’ve got clown immediately showing vaguely gay interest towards ash, the mysterious teleporting guy in a suit who violently glitched into a server-wide campfire meeting out of nowhere. (clown: “ooh, who are you~?” ash, who otherwise doesn’t show interest in anyone or anything besides gaining riches: “…where do i know you from?”) (ash: teleports in, kills someone’s pet cat, teleports out. everyone, rightfully: WHAT THE FUCK?! clown: shocked delighted laughter.) (everyone is stuck unable to interact with ash, who keeps ignoring all conversation to ask for valuables. but clown swiftly catches on to ash’s rhythm and uses an emerald to try to bribe ash to follow him & tell him his name, as if ash is a cat. it somewhat works.) (after ash leaves, clown tells the others that he’ll “keep an eye on” the new stranger, who will be “safe in [his] hands”.) i watched this all go down from our beloved ivorycello’s POV [7/1/2023]. anyway uh. hiiii and thank you & all you other regular swagdoonsers on tumblr for the friendly reception :) i’m so excited for lifesteal season five plotlines. for some reason i’ve been Thinking about the intro to season 5 in which everyone gathers around in a circle waiting to start, ash sees this and places himself at the center to make an impromptu dramatic speech LOL, and red is the first to step in with him to tell him to go back to his spot. i’m choosing to imagine this as another instance of the god complex bf with enough power to back it up x the only guy who can rein him in and is bizarrely casual & familiar about it dynamic. ok i’m out ✌️ love you /p
[very long response under the cut]
HI ANON!!! glad that you enjoyed my post and the fic i recced in the tags!!! it’s one of my fav fics and your post Really reminded me of it so!!! i’m glad you enjoyed it!!!!! (loves reccing fics) me when reddoons and loyalty and how it plays into swagdoons . (<- i remember i made a post responding to something i found on lsheadcanons about vampire!ash and human!red that Could be used for a metaphor about swagdoons and loyalty . something something about red Literally fueling ash out of choice)
anyways!! WELCOME TO THE CASINO QUARTET ENJOYER GANG!!!! they r my absolute beloveds, god bless. and you’re SO RIGHT clownzy would do so much pda in public and be all mushy (but in the Worst times possible . i am talking about mushy flirting while they are being chased down by the authorities while ash and red are screaming at them to stop and focus on running away. anyways) but i think?? you’re referring to the trap where branzy is held ransom by purple duo and heh as to get clown to “save” him? but yeah . they’re always so closely associated with each other that even in small things (ex someone in the start of s5 warning someone that branzy “knows a guy” in reference to clown) and since branzy is the “weaker” of the two tbh i’m not surprised if someone holds branzy for ransom again this season (i’ve heard whispers of them teaming up again this season so !!!)
but even though there’s been a lot of acknowledgement by other cc’s, there’s not any. record of someone taking advantage of their relationship yet? like you said the closest thing is the one of them is lying video but like, that video was arguably where swagdoons showed their trust the Most (esp with cheating during spilt or steal . that was SO them) but. yeah the way their relationship is very subtle . there’s no real massive declaration of love but small moments (which. i think why there’s SO many swagdoons clips that r just small gestures but swagdoons enjoyers still go BONKERS over <- big enjoyer of their streams for that reason) (and as a result i associate the song “no big deal (i love you)” by dodie with them . a lot of the one is about not verbally saying i love you but. yk. the love is still there and strong . love that song in general so <3) but Yeah i do also like the idea that clownzy r one of the Only people who see swagdoons be domestic with each other in full . something something about casino quartet being domestic and trusting each other so much here willing to stop all of the facade and be vulnerable with each other
but LMAOOOOO that hardcore stream goes so hard . the bible part 2 caught me so off guard when i watched it like LMAO????? it’s fantastic . also in that same stream zam is like “the bible part 3: ash nd red were walking down the street” and swagdoons are INSTANTLY shutting him down and telling him to stop (this is a recurring thing for some reason apparently zam mentioned swagdoons during vidcon and got hit with a ball i response but also zam did say swagdoons made out in the dennys so ???? idk anymore) but ooooo i didn’t know about clown mentioning swagdoons . maybe i should check that out (i was only skimming through the void so…that is something for me to check out)
and i am watching kemp rn too! except i am only watching from ash’s pov, which is. a time for sure. he has already made a deal with god and figured out how to exploit his glitching thing. but ash WAS looking at clown when he teleported into the campground and defrost was like O_O at clown so. tbh i’m kinda excited to see where they go since they might have a “hold up…do i know you?” moment (and if ur interested there is a fic of them …….clown and ash my beloved) (and here’s the clown and ash meowing clip if you so desire . this clip is the clip of All Time) but hearing what the rest of the conversation with the ksmp members afterwards is INTERESTING when i just watched ash teleport away and go “i hate it here’ LMAOOO ……..that is interesting of clown though……..i wanna see them together more ……like an enclosure
AND S5!!!! i am so excited for s5 of them …..idk who’s pov you watched but in ash’s pov he Did mention wanting to team with branzy, red, and clown SOOOOOOOO ………. <- he also said this last season and that didn’t end up happening . i am going off of copium /silly
but i Do think swagdoons r gonna have a more power dynamic-y relationship this season esp with the whole free market stuff (and at least. according to red’s stream today he Said that lala legion were trying to look for camelot’s old base so…….. eyes emoji. what’s up with that) BUT YEAH!!!! lots fo exciting stuff bc i’ve also heard clownzy might team up again. …….. casino quartet nation is winning
IDK IF ANY OF THOSE RANTS MADE SENSE hopefully i didn’t miss anything and i was. semi on topic BUT !!! YEAH!!!!!! love u 2 anon /p ur asks r lovely :)
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letterstoear · 1 year ago
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Cater's changing feelings~ a letter from him
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Notes: A letter from Cater where he talks about his thoughts on love, bittersweet, fluff, Cater x reader, romantic. I actually wrote this after writing my other fic called His eyes.
You can read that one here: 2 Lines & A Circle : His Eyes (tumblr.com)
Check out my shop here: Shop — Letters to Ear (squarespace.com)
_________,
Hello!!! How have you been! I’ve been seeing you pass by our dorm a lot these days, what brings you here? Just kidding, I know the reason. You’re interested in our adorable hedgehogs, aren’t you? I totally get you, they're perfect for photos and they’re quite popular with students. Oh, something tells me you’re frowning already, I get ya, you weren’t here for our hedgehogs, were you?
Tell me, was it our flamingos? I know they’re brightly colored and you can’t find them anywhere. Since your dorm doesn’t have any animals, I understand why you would want to see them up close. Just be careful not to come on the days when we wear pink… I’m only joking. I know why you’ve been coming to Heartslabyul for. It’s probably the same reason why you’re reading this letter aren’t you. You’re waiting for my response.
To be perfectly honest, I’ve never really liked sweets, deep connections, or you. People who act all nice and friendly, people who say forever, all of them are liars. You’re no different from them, getting close to me and wanting to see who I truly am, what a lie. Or so I thought. In the end I’m still naive and wanted to trust someone, so I chose to trust you. I probably was just intrigued as to how you saw right through me. I always believed no one saw how alone I was if I kept a smile on my face, but you saw through my eyes. I guess it’s true then, eyes really don’t lie.
The more we hung out the more I felt myself change. My clouded thoughts of being alone weren’t as present as before. I saw for the first time how I had the choice of staying with someone. It wasn’t just you that I could stay besides, there were so many people I could stand with. Thanks for teaching me that.
Which reminds me, you said that I had gotten too used to being alone and my surface level connections. I think you’re right; I don’t know anything about deep connections. After all, what's the point when they’re going to be gone sooner or later. Well, now I know that’s exactly how I lose people. If I want something to last, I gotta ask lots and lots of questions with no hesitations. Plus, I gotta make it clear to them, isn’t that what you scolded me about the other day.
__, I’ll tell you now, I want to stay with you. Sorry, I guess you had to read so much only to get your answer now. It’s gonna take me a minute, but I could get used to this. I like hanging out with you and there’s still a lot more I could learn from you. Your little happy dances, your determined eyes, and your unclouded thoughts I like them all. You already know so much about me, but I want to know more about you. I want to know how you came to find me. I want to know what makes you behave the way you do. Say, can I know those parts about you?
For once, I’ve found someplace to stay. Even if I were to move, my heart will stay with you. I’m going to make the effort to rely on you and everyone around me. I’m looking forward to the day I can tell you, I’m confident in my relationships. Until then will you stay beside me till that day and maybe even afterwards? ______, I can’t believe this, but I don’t just like you, I’m starting to love you for real. I accept your feelings towards me, will you accept me one more time?
From,
Cater Diamond
P.S I’ll be waiting for you at the white gazebo.
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cringe--is--dead · 3 months ago
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Hi!! This is my first time requesting anything so it might be really awkward or wierd(sorry if it makes things harder:( ) So please ignore this if it's not up to standard!
1- you! ~ My personality and the way I act usually depends on who I'm around, even if I'm with close friends, I usually change how I talk(volume, tone, politeness, ect) and how I act(like how confident I am, how much I talk). So half of my friends think I'm more like a people pleaser friend(criess) and half think I'm someone who doesn't care what anyone thinks of them. It's honestly kind of funny!! My personality is in more of the playful and teasing type and that usually only happens when I get closer to people. I think I'm on the introverted side, because I really like going out alone(going out with friends can be so stressful!!) and can be kind of shy, but my MBTI is actually ESFP(the performer?). I guess it's because I really like presenting in front people and performing in general?
2- Hobbies and such ~ I don't have a lot of interesting hobbies but I love reading and music a LOT. I love to read because even though it was my only entertainment when I was younger, I really grew into it. I read most genres(exept non fiction:) and I really love horror, fantasy and thrillers! Another 'hobby' I have is playing the flute and piccolo(is basicly a smaller flute). Honestly, it's more of an off-on obsession than a hobby, but I guess it counts? I really love the flute and music in general and it makes me so happy when I can perform(solos are super super fun!). I think flute is my biggest commitment and largest accomplishment:).
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AH you're so good! I love the lil flower 🌼 anon! >.< Anyways!
Personally, I could see you as a great match up with Nirei!
Hear me out on this sweet, sunshine child.
I also think he's one whose personality matches who he's around, but on a more minor level? I feel like you're ability to be in different social settings and around other people would help him feel more comfortable/confident in himself, and he looks up to you so much because of that!
Teasing him would be a love language I think, maybe not on the same wave that Suo teases him, but in your own way. It's romantic and even if it seems small or subtle, your interactions set off Sakura's romance detector!
I imagine that while he writes a lot in his notebooks and journals, he doesn't read a lot. But I can imagine if you ever offered to read out loud to him he'd jump at the opportunity! He doesn't necessarily have a favorite genre (you probably scare him a few times with different horror books, please have mercy) he just enjoys what you enjoy. You both definitely get really into talking about the characterization and the plot twists and foreshadowing. You have your own mini book club between the two of you! If you delve into murder mystery books together you're both trying to solve the case as early as possible.
I also imagine that he would work on learning Korean to talk to you! He's so good with memorizing people and information on them, I feel like if you started helping him within a month he'd be able to have full conversations with you. Maybe not in super depth quite yet, but way more than a 안녕하세요. 잘 지내죠? type conversation.
You also definitely introduce him to different video games, and for the most part, he's happy just watching you play (his own personal YouTube gamer) but if you ask him nicely to play with you he's already downloading said game.
I hope this was a good match-up for you! >.< Have a great day!
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kkkimagine · 1 year ago
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RUMORS P.2
Summary: since you started dating Miles, rumors were normal at your pace, but this new rumor is going to go too far.
Pairing: Miles.42 x Reader.
My first language is not english, sorry if there are grammar mistakes :)
You can listen to Hamilton's helpless and congratulations songs, I was inspired by them.
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A party didn't always get you excited, especially since you weren't too happy to be around so many drunk and sweaty teenagers, but your sister had begged you not to leave her alone tonight, and now you were so glad she did, because that you had not stopped seeing the handsome swarthy pigtailed man who had just walked into the room making your heart make boom. You had tried everything to get his attention but nothing seemed to make him turn in your direction.
- Gwen, it's good that you're here, do you know that boy? - and you pointed excitedly, maybe if you hadn't been so enthralled looking at his beautiful face you would have noticed the sad look that crossed your older sister's eyes - Yo, this one's mine.
You smiled but you felt how your sister left your side walking towards him boy with braids "What's she gonna do?" You thought to yourself getting more and more nervous, and she grabs him by the arm, you think "I'm through", then he look back at you, and suddenly you are helpless.
- Oh, look at those eyes - you whispered to yourself, look into his eyes, and the sky's the limit.
He smiled listening to what your sister whispered to him and although you didn't know what it was about, you were anxious because you knew for sure that they were talking about you.
- I am so into you right now - you whispered again, watching as the boy began to walk in your direction next to your sister.
-Where are you taking me? - you heard his voice and, oh what a captivating voice, you could possibly spend the rest of your life listening to the stranger speak.
Your sister smiled and looked at your helpless eyes patiently waiting to meet the boy and said confidently.
- I'm about to change your life - and she guide him all the way towards you, you looked like a statue, you didn't move an inch, waiting patiently.
- Y/n Stacy, it's a pleasure to meet you - you said as soon as the boy was in front of you, trying to appear casual.
-Stacy? - he murmured, looking at your sister, somewhat puzzled.
- My sister - she said smiling, hoping that her presentation was the first step for something bigger.
He turned to look at you, observing your purple dress, the color made him smile, it reminded him a bit of the bright color of his suit but he thought that the color, even on him, had never looked as good as it did on you. then he remembered that he hadn't shown up yet and it seemed like that was what you were waiting for.
- Miles Morales, it's a pleasure for me too - he said causing a light bulb to come on in your head "wasn't it a certain Miles Morales who had organized this party? "
- It's a big party, I guess it took a long time to organize it - you said trying to find a topic of conversation so he wouldn't leave.
But he surprised you when he took your hand and brought it close to his big lips and kissed it softly, making you turn as red as a tomato.
- If it takes organize the biggest party of the century for us to meet, it will have been worth it, mami - saying that you didn't expect that was an understatement but it doesn't mean that you hadn't loved the feeling that those words with an accent had caused on your stomach, or the delicious brush of his lips on your hands.
Your sister felt that her work was done and somewhat discouraged, she took a step back, suddenly feeling that it was unnecessary.
- I'll leave you to it - but none of you seemed to notice his words as you began to talk about any subject that would have occurred to Miles at that time.
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Memories were fading in your mind while your sight returned to fixing on your reflection that looked at you from the mirror of your dresser, you ended up throwing your newly fixed cell phone towards your annoying bed, since the first thing you saw was your wallpaper , which was precisely a photo that you had taken that night with Miles, the night you met him.
Without much encouragement, you decided that you would not go to school this Monday, you preferred to rest your mind a little more, you were almost sure that as soon as you set foot in visions everyone would start looking at you and whispering among themselves your horrible break with Miles, you couldn't bear it, at least not yet.
What you didn't know is that Miles wasn't at school at the moment either, it had been quite an achievement for him to convince his mother to let him have a day off, although seeing his terrible state since the fight you two had, it was understandable that his mother will accept.
Miles was a bit surprised to hear a knock at the door, and hopefully he walked over to it expecting to see you standing there, but he was disappointed when he saw Gwen with her phone on.
- Gwen - he murmured not knowing what to expect from this visit.
- Miles - and then Miles got more scared to see how your sister smiled sarcastically while crashing her cell phone on his chest - congratulations.
She entered the apartment without asking for permission while Miles took the phone and looked at it confused, and then he felt his blood boil when he saw a picture of you with some badly drawn tears that said "the most naive of the year" and like those there were some more As Miles looked at them he could only think "what kind of shit is this?"
- You have invented a new kind of stupid - Gwen said angrily as she sat on the back of the sofa -A damage-you-can-never-undo kind of stupid.
Miles turned to her slowly, feeling more of an idiot than he had five minutes ago, and he didn't even know if that was even possible.
- I didn't think this would affect her so much, it wasn't about making her look ridiculous and you know it well - he said feeling that nothing could hurt him as much as the look you gave him the last time he saw you, he didn't care anymore What was Gwen going to say to him, he felt like the worst shit in the world and he knew that nothing she said could hurt him more than the things you said to him.
- Truly, you-didn't-think-this-through kind of stupid - your sister added, feeling increasingly annoyed, then she got up walking towards Miles' room and entering - Let's review.
She looked at the stuffed animals that used to be on your bed, now they were on Miles's bed and they looked so depressing there.
- You took a rumor a few maybe two people knew - Miles sat at his desk exhausted from this situation, but the fact is that he knew that he made the decision that he had to make so that no one would start to put the pieces together and know that he was the prowler - and refuted it by sharing an affair of which no one has accused you.
Put this way it did sound ridiculous what Miles had done, but in his mind it wasn't, not at all.
- You know why I did it, in fact you are the only person who knows why I made that decision - and it really was like that, Gwen knew that Miles was the prowler since she worked with him and his uncle Aaron watching and helping them from a room in the that she could see the whole city from the cameras, and since she was the daughter of the police captain she always warned them of any inconvenience pretty quickly.
- I know, and don't remind me because that's exactly what bothers me the most - She also looked at the big box of letters that used to be in your dresser, now it was on Miles's desk, it was obvious that he read them a lot , since there were many of the open letters on the desk - I begged you to take a break, you refused to, if you had listened to me this would not be happening, or maybe if you had listened to me when I told you to tell the truth to Y/n.
She held up her hand telling Miles not to dare contradict her now, which made him shut his mouth again.
- She's not a kid, she can bear the truth, it would be fair if you told her the truth for once - she said bitterly, remembering when she told you about the rumor to make you talk to Miles and hoping that he would finally tell you the truth. - but you find it easier to invent a fucking fake love affair so you don't tell her the truth.
- If she finds out, it will be too dangerous for her life - Miles shouted back, desperate for someone to understand - Have you thought about that? In the enemies that I have earned with this business of the marauder? Mierda, no lo entiendes
Your sister started laughing unfunny as she nodded, knowing that he always found the same answer.
- So scared of what your enemies will do to you - she walk towards the window of Miles' room watching the people walk outside - but you're the only enemy you ever seem to lose to.
Miles wasn't expecting that, maybe it was true, maybe he was so worried that others would screw up his life that he screwed up himself without even realizing it.
- You know why Aaron can do what he wants, Miles? Do you want to know the real reason? - She began to speak with a more aggressive tone, it seemed that with each word she lost patience more, something that never happened to her - He doesn't dignify with schoolyard taunts with a response. So yeah congratulations.
She turned around and started walking towards Miles's door again.
- Gwen - that even a bit like a warning, made her angrier.
- You have redefined your secret - she sounded more sarcastic than Miles had ever heard - Congratulations.
So Miles just fed up with this fight decided to say what he was trying to get into his head himself.
- It was an act of political sacrifice - and that simply made the things that Gwen had repressed for so long come back to her head with great force.
- Sacrifice? - she whispered right in front of the door immersing herself in her memories.
-----------------------------
Gwen was very excited about this party, she had been invited by Miles and she felt that it was going to be an important night for the two of them, she really felt a great connection between the two of them, and she was even more excited when she convinced you to accompany her to the party to The two of them will have a good time together.
Arriving at Miles's apartment, where Rio was obviously not in since he was going to be in the hospital all night and much of the next morning due to an emergency, Gwen felt that nothing could go better tonight, her little sister was going to meet her older sister's best friend at last.
- Wait here, I'm going to look for something - Gwen whispered in your ear that night.
When she was looking for the drinks table she was distracted by seeing Miles enter the room, she decided that the drinks could wait for later, it was the perfect time for them to meet. She walked with emotion until she reached your side and all that emotion vanished as soon as she saw your helpless face, and Gwen knew that you were helpless and your eyes are just helpless. Then Gwen realized.
-Where are you taking me? - asked Miles next to Gwen with his characteristic smug smile.
- I'm about to change your life - Gwen replied with a smile on her face but destroying herself inside.
Number one: Gwen was a young girl in a world too destroyed working with two criminals, and one of them was right next to her, that job would be too difficult to carry out with her mind always preoccupied with the life of her lover, and Aaron would simply never accept that.
- Y/n Stacy, it's a pleasure to meet you - you said with emotion shining in your eyes, Gwen couldn't stop thinking about how innocent her little sister was.
-Stacy? - Miles asked, but Gwen could see how interest sprang from him and his body due to the change in attitude he took when he was near you.
- My sister - answered your sister again.
Number two: even though she felt a connection between them it was clear that for Miles it was just a great friendship, she would have to be naive to set that aside, even though sometimes she wanted to fool herself, he kept seeing stupid girls who didn't even have a brain maybe that is why she introduces him to you, so that he will finally find a girl who was really worth it, she was right, now you were Miles's girlfriend.
- It's a great party, I imagine it took a long time to organize it - She noticed your nervousness and felt tenderness for you again.
And seeing how Miles brought your hands to his mouth knew that he would never do that with her, you had a different effect on Miles Morales.
- If it takes organize the biggest party of the century for us to meet, it will have been worth it, mami - he said, beginning to use his flirtatious voice
- I'll leave you to it - Gwen ended up saying, wanting to escape from this situation quickly, and she succeeded since neither you nor Miles were paying attention to her anymore.
Number three: she knows you too well, you're always so kind and trustworthy, sometimes too much, she knows that if she'd told you that she likes Miles you'd have quietly walked away, he'd be hers, you'd say "I'm fine" but you would be lying how could she do that to her little sister? The little girl who had never been interested in a boy, the one who supported her at all times with a smile and encouraged her to get ahead. Only for her sister's happiness would she sacrifice herself like that.
---------------
- Do you know what a real sacrifice is, Miles? - Gwen murmured, closing Miles's bedroom door again - sacrificing your nights to make sure that everything in the city where your little sister lives is safer for her.
He said turning to see the brunette who kept looking at his shoes, wanting to stop fighting over the same issue over and over again.
- work very hard in a horrible place to earn a pittance just to tell my little sister that I will be able to take her to eat at the place she likes so much, because she knows that only that makes her happy, and she worries even saying that It is not necessary for me to spend what I have on her, because she is simply that good - your sister kept saying with her hands shaking with anger as she explained everything she did to keep you happy - trying to make every day that her boyfriend finally tell her the truth, which is the only thing she wants by the way, she doesn't want expensive gifts, she doesn't want expensive outings, she doesn't want long trips ONLY.WANTS.THE.TRUTH.
Then she moved closer to Miles looking at his tired face and sighed.
-I'd look at you and think: God, what have we done with our lives and what did it get us? And no matter how hard I search for it, I can't find the answer - he looked into Gwen's eyes trying to make her understand what she already knew, he didn't know what to do with his life without you by his side, but he didn't know what to do to bring you back either. back to his life - And you know what I'm here to do?
She asked him this time more calmly, he just shook his head, because he didn't believe that she came simply because she wanted to yell at him more.
- Gwen - he said trying to take her hand but she moved away from him, just like you did.
-I'm not here for you - she told him, making him understand that she wasn't there either to comfort him or to scold him - I want you to understand that the only way to fix this shit is to tell Y/n the whole truth, finally, no there's another way.
He didn't respond, too scared by how little he could do to resolve this matter, he didn't even feel like getting out of bed and she hoped that he would just tell her the whole truth, like it was that easy.
- a million years ago, she said to me: This one's mine - your sister said trying to make him understand, hearing that Miles looked up with that glow he had when he had you by his side, that was what he wanted, what you were by his side - so I stood by ¿Do you know why?
He shook his head no again.
- I love my sister more than anything in this life, I will choose her happiness over mine every time - she repeated the words that she had said before, then she took a photo of you that Miles had on his nightstand and looked at it - Y/n is the best thing in our lives so never lose sight of the fact that you have been blessed with the best girl.
Miles never doubts that, he knew that he had been blessed with you, but apparently he forgot that when he saw that this new rumor had gone too far, he despaired and did not know how to act correctly.
-Congratulations - Gwen said aloud again throwing your photo towards Miles's face and turning again towards the door - For the rest of your life every sacrifice you make is for my sister.
The words just made Miles think about how he had put you down as a second priority, just because he didn't want you to be scared of him for being the prowler.
- Give her the best life - she asks Miles this time more gently and then coldly says again - Congratulations.
Gwen left the bedroom and then the apartment quickly walking away from Miles, while he just planned what he was going to do, he was determined to explain everything to you.
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ziskandra · 1 year ago
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💞 🕯️ and 🎀 for the fic writer asks <3
💞what's the most important part of a story for you?
I think what's most important to me is the narrative (which to me is different to the plot, especially as I often write shorter works). Every time I write something, I tend to ask myself (in one way or another)
why am I writing this story (is it for an event? another gift? am I unable to contain my blorbo brainrot? am I trying to make sense of canon? etc.)
why am I writing this story (as opposed to the multitudes of other things I could be writing)
why am I writing this story (what part of myself am I sharing with the world? How do the emotions and events resonate with me?)
Sometimes the answer is as simple as '"friend things character X is sexy and I want to make friend happy :)" and other times, it's a bit more complicated than that 😅 🕯️ was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you? Oh gosh, I think the fic that had the biggest unexpected affect on me was the blackest night, the kid!meredith fic I wrote for @debts-to-the-dead for the neurodiversity flash last year! Ever since @venatohru and I tumbled into the depths of Meredith hell last year, we'd talked about how Meredith's sister Amelia displays a lot more... stereotypical autistic traits, for lack of a better word, and that eventually led to us discussing how Meredith herself could also quite easily be read as autistic (albeit with a different presentation). And as a sensory-seeking, socially confident autistic myself, I wanted to explore this depiction more in fiction... hence the fic! What I was not as aware of at the time was that one of the reasons Meredith really resonates with me is the survivor guilt: how do I stop something like this happening again? How can I prevent others from feeling that pain? How can I save myself from feeling this pain again? It is especially poignant to me that Amelia was Meredith's older sister, because the person I lost was also like an older sister to me, and I feel like that's a dynamic that's not explored as much when it comes to depicting grief in fiction. Often it's dealing with the loss of a younger sibling, or a much-idolised older sibling. But I feel especially with a close-fin-age older sibling, there's still that feeling of "I should have been able to do something", but it's coupled with that frankly terrifying and overwhelming realisation of "if the Actual Adults couldn't do anything, then what could I have done?" But instead of the thoughts cancelling each other out as they should, it just results in despair x 2. Because, like, what do you do when the person who you've known your entire life is no longer there any more? What if it's someone who was both a great source of love and also pain? What if your parents compared you so often you barely knew where you ended and they began? And then... they're just. Gone. my own experiences with grief were just. something I kind of tiptoed around until I started working on that fic, and as I wrote it it's like every repressed feeling I had about the situation just rushed into my brain at once and oh boy. I think if it hadn't been for an exchange, I would have just been like, "okay, not thinking about that for a few years", but because it was, and the minimum was small, I knew I could put together something that didn't poke the most tender of the feelings as hard. but yeah. writing that little fic actually made me able to put my feelings into words for myself which then enabled me to like. actually talk to my psychologist about it and get. actual help and support. ✨healing✨
🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing I'll keep this short because I rambled so much above 🙈. I think my best qualities as a writer are writing engaging in-character dialogue, as well as describing powerful emotions in simple words! [fic writer asks]
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spaceorphan18 · 2 years ago
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hi:) I love your glee meta, as a very new fan with a lot of questions I find it invaluable:) I haven't gone through all of it yet but there was one post about Blaine being depressed as early as S2 and 3 - could you talk about it more? I love that boy to pieces but he's not easy to figure out, esp since next to nothing is known about his background. he seems all happy and confident in S2 but surely his insecurtities didn't start with Kurt going to NY. and also he'd got beaten up for being ---
--- gay in a way that was so traumatic that he changed schools and was afraid to go to prom but he doesn't hesitate to start a fight with Karofsky or serenade Kurt in front of all of McKinley?? are Dalton's healing powers that good? sorry, that's a lot of questions. that's why I'd give my firstborn for an episode by episode analysis for Blaine like you did for Kurt;)
Hi Nonny!! I'm so sorry that this go buried in my drafts. I'm not sure if you're still around or not, since you sent this two years ago.
I'm also sorry to say - across the board - I'm not sure I have the interest or time to sit down and do a full look at Blaine's character throughout the series. I do hope someone takes it on, though, I think he's an interesting study-- and there's plenty to talk about!! That said - I'm always happy to tackle these questions one on one.
So - the thing about Blaine's character is that there's the problem that the writing just was not consistant. While I think he evened out in Season 4-6, he was just a different character in Season 2 and Season 3 was the awkward (and sometimes abrupt) avenue from here to there. And sometimes it's not always easy to reconcile the writing inconsistencies.
That said! Let's talk about a few of the points --
re: Blaine's depression.
So - ignoring issues with the writing... I think that depression becomes just a blanket statement for feeling sad or down, and as is everything, it can be a spectrum. There are also different types of depression (that I won't get in to - because I am not a health professional) and manifestations of mental health issues don't always present themselves the same way person to person.
I think there's enough canon evidence to say that Blaine's childhood was uneven. He clearly had issues with his brother - and wanting to feel loved and accepted by him. And due to Blaine's personality (whether it be nature or nurture) Blaine is someone who is inwardly insecure but will outwardly present himself as 'fine' and 'happy' to appease those around him. The conflict of his inner self with his outer self is often what causes Blaine to downward spiral into these darker spaces.
(Plus - Blaine is a somewhat melodramatic teenage boy who is trying to figure out his sexuality and his place in life in a world.)
I think during Season 2 he found a place of genuine love and acceptance in Dalton and really excelled there. He didn't necessarily have to put on a show, they seemed to really like him. Insecurities still showed during Season 2 though -- whether it's confessing to Burt about his own strained relationship with his father, trying to understand his own sexuality and desires in SLS and BIOTA, or facing his demons from being bullied himself in PQ. Personally, I don't really find Blaine to be depressed during season 2, but that doesn't mean there aren't underlying issues lurking about.
I do think that Blaine put a lot of his self worth into his relationship in season 3 and as Kurt's world expands to a world outside of Lima, Blaine's world closes in. He doesn't have the support system he had at Dalton and isolates himself as a form of self punishment.
The unfortunate thing is that in both season 2 and 3 -- Blaine is so tied in with Kurt that we really don't get to see him as a fully fleshed out character, so a lot is left up to interpretation. Which can be cool if you're writing fanfic, but frustrating when you're trying to tie all the threads together when writing meta.
I do think you can pull some darker undertones from Season 2 (and people have) but to what extent is really what you'd like it to be since there isn't a whole lot of canon to work with.
Anyway - I suppose this just opens up the conversation more - so if you have more questions, or more comments, please feel free to drop a line! :)
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korshubudemycoursesblog · 2 months ago
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Boost Your Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem: Unlock Your True Potential
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In today’s fast-paced world, self-confidence and self-esteem are more important than ever. Whether it's personal or professional, the way we perceive ourselves directly influences how we engage with others and the world around us. Unfortunately, many people struggle with low confidence and self-worth. But the good news is that it’s entirely possible to boost your self-confidence and self-esteem with the right mindset and habits.
Understanding Self-Confidence
Self-confidence refers to your belief in your ability to succeed in specific tasks or situations. It affects everything from how you handle stress to how you pursue your goals. People with high self-confidence tend to take more risks, speak up for themselves, and achieve more in both personal and professional spheres.
What is Self-Esteem?
While self-confidence is situation-specific, self-esteem is broader. It’s how you view yourself overall — whether you feel worthy, capable, and deserving of respect and love. High self-esteem is rooted in self-acceptance, which is the foundation of long-term happiness.
Signs of Healthy Self-Esteem
Accepting yourself, flaws and all
Not relying on others' opinions to define your worth
Confidence in setting and pursuing goals
Bouncing back from failures more easily
The Relationship Between Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem
Though closely related, self-confidence and self-esteem are not the same. Self-confidence is often about specific abilities, while self-esteem is about your overall sense of self-worth. A person with high self-esteem will often have higher self-confidence in various aspects of life, but the reverse may not always be true.
Common Causes of Low Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem
Many factors contribute to low self-esteem and self-confidence:
Negative past experiences: Childhood bullying, critical parenting, or past failures can leave lasting impacts on how we view ourselves.
Social comparison: Continuously comparing yourself to others, especially on social media, can diminish your self-worth.
Perfectionism: Setting unrealistic standards and being overly critical of yourself when you don’t meet them can also cause low self-confidence.
How to Boost Your Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem
Boosting your self-confidence and self-esteem isn’t an overnight process, but with dedication, it’s achievable. Here are some proven strategies:
1. Practice Positive Self-Talk
The way you talk to yourself shapes your mindset. Replace negative thoughts with affirmations like, “I am capable,” or “I deserve happiness.” Over time, this rewiring of your inner dialogue helps you boost your self-confidence.
2. Set Realistic Goals
Start with small, achievable goals. Completing these tasks will give you a sense of accomplishment, which in turn improves your self-esteem.
3. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
Trying new things, even if they seem intimidating at first, can enhance your self-confidence. Taking on challenges and succeeding, even in small ways, proves to yourself that you can overcome obstacles.
4. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences
Your environment plays a key role in your self-esteem. Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage and uplift you.
5. Focus on Your Strengths
Everyone has unique talents. Focusing on your strengths rather than dwelling on weaknesses helps boost your self-esteem and encourages positive self-perception.
The Impact of Physical and Mental Well-Being on Confidence
Self-care is essential for maintaining both self-confidence and self-esteem. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, and mindfulness practices like meditation or yoga can significantly improve your mental and emotional health.
Exercise: Engaging in physical activity releases endorphins, which not only make you feel good but also boost your self-confidence.
Meditation: Mindfulness practices like meditation help you stay present and reduce stress, which in turn contributes to higher self-esteem.
Avoiding Social Comparison
In an age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. This behavior can greatly diminish your self-esteem. The key is to focus on your unique journey and personal growth, rather than measuring your success against others.
Final Thoughts on Boosting Your Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem
Building and maintaining self-confidence and self-esteem is a continuous process. By practicing positive self-talk, setting realistic goals, and embracing your strengths, you can effectively boost both aspects. Remember that growth takes time, and you are always deserving of love, respect, and success.
If you’re looking to develop these qualities further, consider joining an online course that focuses on personal development. These resources can provide valuable insights, tools, and community support to help you on your journey.
FAQs: Boost Your Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem
1. What are the signs of low self-esteem?Signs include constant self-criticism, a lack of assertiveness, and difficulty accepting compliments.
2. How does self-confidence impact my career?Higher self-confidence leads to better performance, as it enables you to take on challenges and leadership roles without fear of failure.
3. Can low self-esteem affect relationships?Yes, low self-esteem can lead to insecurity, dependence, and poor communication, which may strain relationships.
4. Is it possible to rebuild self-confidence after failure?Absolutely. Failure is a stepping stone to growth. Reflecting on mistakes, learning from them, and setting new goals can help you regain your self-confidence.
5. How can mindfulness help boost self-esteem?Mindfulness encourages self-awareness and acceptance, which are key components of healthy self-esteem.
6. Why is self-compassion important?Self-compassion allows you to treat yourself with kindness during tough times, helping to maintain your self-esteem and keep your confidence intact.
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numinously-yours · 4 months ago
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Thanks for responding to me and I understand about the timeline there's no present at all, you don't owe us anything I wanted to make sure, and I am sorry if I am sent too many
m 🏵️
Thanks for your patience. I am going to touch on all three in this reply if that's okay!
First:
You had asked to clarify about feelings vs reaction of your person when they see you for the first time. When I channeled, those reactions were what I was feeling. I can try to be more specific here, but I am not sure how to better differentiate, unfortunately. Confidence - bravery Bold - excitement Determination - urgency Curiosity & Awe I'm not sure have another feeling attached. Not in a single word at least. These just have their own sort of overarching feel for me that I'm not sure how to describe with other words.
Second:
I really want to know where will I meet my future husband?( At this point I am believe they are just my significant lover)I feel in a place to have a good relationship and really want to start putting my energy into getting one. Although I would under if that person is not in the right energy right now, (would love to know if this is the case)I just want to know when can I expect are union to happen?
For this, I asked the cards 1) where this person is energetically 2). where you are likely to meet, and 3). a timeline for this union.
1). Where are they energetically? The Tower & the Queen of Wands
I think this person is in a whirlwind of energy right now. Something big has happened. It feels like the rug was ripped out from underneath them and they are still waiting to land on their feet. The Queen of Wands in the deck I'm using for this is holding a telescope (which is not found on all queen of wands' cards). I do think they want to find you and they had been looking until this tower moment happened. Whatever happened to cause the Tower is just very heavy. They want to make sure they are in a good place before searching again.
2). Where you are likely to meet? Knight of Cups & The Chariot
I can't narrow down a specific place, but the vibes I am getting is that it will be somewhere that you were nervous about going to but you decided to go anyway. This could be an event, a vacation, or even online dating/forums. There may be others around you trying to convince you not to do it (go to this place or join an app) but you listen to your gut and take the plunge anyway. The two of you may meet due to your common creative interests. If it's an event, maybe you meet at ComicCon or a karaoke night. If you meet online, you might match with each other because you each posted about your love for the topic.
3). What is the timeline? Ace of Pentacles, Five of Cups, Page of Wands
With these cards, as of right now, a time frame presenting itself is five months to a year. Next Spring (northern hemisphere) is really coming to the forefront - particularly Aries season (March-April). If you are travelling anywhere during that time, that could be a significant place. There may be drinking and hangovers involved lol I always make note that timelines can change based on energies, road blocks, and other decisions.
Third:
I had a dream today where I had asked a man (big, Black hair, built, beard) to "kiss me". I guess we were jud talking about something and he walked across to behind me to keep something and I turned and I just asked him to kiss me. He just looked at me with big eyes. His expression looked very neutral, (I don't think it was negative) because in that moment I was just thinking what I was feeling. And the thing is I wasn't even attracted to that person, but just wanted him to kiss me. I wasnt nervous about it or anything, nor uncomfortable. My question is what does this dream signify? I don't work as closely with dream interpretation, so this may be better suited for anyone who does them more often. However, I usually believe that dreams signify something going on in our subconscious. You are probably longing for closeness to a person and are ready to take those next steps. I did try to look at it through a tarot perspective. I asked if this person in the dream was your future FS and then asked for any other information the cards could give me about the dream.
Is this your person? Eight of Cups
The Eight of Cups leans more toward "pessimistic" feelings, so I am going to say that this wasn't your specific person. This card signifies being disappointed and feeling like something is missing. I think that refers back to my original thought that you are longing for this type of connection and in your dreams, you can make it happen more easily.
Other information? The Devil reversed & The Star
The Devil in reverse calls you to confront your fears and release self-limiting beliefs. The Star calls you to renew your faith and believe in your purpose. Something that may be important to take from your dream is knowing you have the courage inside you to make movement toward this kind of relationship. Whether you make the first move or not, you can walk away knowing that you can reciprocate if someone makes the first move for you. The Devil reversed can also talk about dark thoughts. I don't sense these being like scary, unhealthy thoughts. I pictured them more as "this is something I would never do. Am I a bad person?" and getting a bit low. It made me think of the big & dark qualities of the person in your dream. Since it's unlikely your person, it could signify these thoughts and being ready to get rid of them and move forward.
Thanks M!
D
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