#present!me is now annoyed with past!me for not saving their work

[vaguely-concerned]

I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today

[tender-rosiey]

plsss would u do sukuna taking care of his pregnant wife? like noticing his robes keep disappearing, only to figure out its his wife. or more dad!kuna 🙏🏾

robes — ryomen sukuna x f!reader

a/n: me👰‍♀️ ➕ 👹heianera!sukuna

sukuna is a deeply preceptive man.

it’s something he prides himself over, and since he is observant, he quickly notices that his robes start going missing.

in the beginning, he thinks that it’s probably the increased number of bloodied robes because he has been going on a higher number of rampages the past couple of days.

so, he goes to uraume to inquire about why the delivery of his robes has been later than usual.

uraume quickly responds that they have been personally delivering the clean robes to his chambers and ensuring that they are placed where he can clearly see them.

the revelation makes sukuna annoyed because that means that someone has been stealing his robes directly from his chambers.

he is presented with two courses of actions—excluding the option of saving himself the trouble and just killing all the servants: sending uraume to spy on the whole ordeal or investigate it himself.

considering how he has been pretty bored the past couple of days, he decides on the latter. the past few rampages have given a clear warning to the rest of the villages surrounding his castle.

so, with nothing else to do, sukuna takes it upon himself to monitor the main entrance of his chambers to see whether anybody enters the room after uraume places the robes in the room.

so, he situates himself near the room but far away so that they can’t catch him.

he stays there for a good couple of hours, yet he sees no one, not even in the darkness of the night: the supposed prime time for a thief.

perhaps the thief has been made aware of sukuna’s inspection? but that would mean that the robes would still be in the chambers. so, sukuna enters his room in search of his robes, but, to his surprise, he doesn’t find them.

that immediately leads him to concluding that whoever is stealing his robes is someone who has access to the hidden door of his room.

and no one knows about that door except—

“y/n.”

you yelp and slowly turn to your husband. he is standing there, arms crossed, brows furrowed, and an everlasting frown on his face. you have been caught and are in some big trouble.

you don’t falter immediately though. you try to act normal. you smile nervously, “yes, my love? is something bothering you?”

keyword: try.

he repeats your name lowly, and you quickly crumble. you visibly deflate and lower your head as you murmur, “yes…”

he nods in satisfaction before asking the awaited question, “where are my robes?”

your hands rest on your lap, and you fidget with your fingers.

you still can’t figure out what his reaction will be. so far, he is just gathering information. he is giving you nothing to work with, so you have no other option but to comply and just keep answering him.

sighing, you answer him, “my closet.”

he quirks an eyebrow and sits in front of you. his hand is placed on your head, and he raises your head, so you’re looking him in the eyes. it’s something that you have noticed only being done to you.

you had absentmindedly asked your head servant about it, and said servant, uraume, had told you that it’s because he views you as an equal and does not take pleasure in your fear and acting inferior to him.

and in the end, sukuna only does what pleases him. if it doesn’t please him then why do it?

he hums as if in thought before egging you on, “and why are my robes in your closet? in fact—” he smirks, eyes observing your frame, “why are you currently wearing my robes?”

you pull the robes tighter around yourself, and you purse your lips. sukuna wants an answer right now, and while he is enjoying your ‘suffering’, he also wants to know what’s wrong.

if there is anything that he hates then it’s not knowing, especially if it’s something about you, his very pregnant wife.

his hand travels to your jaw, and he grips it lightly.

“so?” he says as he tilts your head to the slide slightly.

“you…have been gone for longer than usual lately, and I have been missing you,” you admit softly as you try your best to maintain eye contact, but you end up looking away.

he is still silent, so you continue laying out your reasoning, “and for some reason, the robes alleviate the pregnancy pain. I couldn’t find any logical or scientific reason, but I think—

—it’s because the robes are filled with your cursed energy, maybe acting as a kind of assurance to the baby that you are beside us even if you aren’t.”

he doesn’t grace you with any reaction nor reply for quite a while, and it makes you think that he is probably thinking about how foolish the entire scenario is.

so, you add hesitantly, “or something like that…”

after a moment, though, he sighs and simply says, “you could’ve just asked me, you foolish woman.”

you blink confused, “and you, my ‘no one takes what’s mine’ husband, would’ve allowed that?”

“you, idiot, are mine, so my belongings are yours anyway,” he states, and his hands rest on your stomach, “this is mine too, so you have to take good care of it.”

a smile takes over your face, and you nod happily, “of course, I will!”

you pause for a second, and it has sukuna confused.

you frown and you point your finger at him while reprimanding him, “and don’t call me an idiot, mister! I am your wife, and I am blessed with a good name.”

a pinch is delivered to your butt which makes you shriek. you jump away from your husband and start rubbing the spot in attempt to soothe it.

sukuna smiles wickedly before suggesting, “how about I help you with that?”

“no! keep your hands off of me, you brute!”

he chuckles, and it echoes throughout the room. it’s kind of creepy. you always said that you wanted to add more furniture to avoid that situation.

you start thinking about the new design for the room when your husband speaks up, “and regarding my absence the past few of days.”

you turn your head to him, and he continues, “I will be putting my plans on pause for a while, so you don’t have to resort to the robes for the time.”

he turns his back to you before announcing, “I am expecting you at dinner and later in my chamber. is that clear?”

you feel giddiness fill you up, and you reply enthusiastically, “yes, my king!”

“good,” he smirks.

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[generalsdiary]

a stupid bet

gn!reader x Dr. Ratio

part two here

warnings: suggestive themes, kissing, cursing (?)

word count: 10k~

a/n: I don't know which demon possessed me to write a 10k fic about a character that isn't playable yet, istg I need help (the worst thing is I could've written even more, send help + if he is ooc mb he isn't out yet), not beta read (we die like Cocolia), Kavetham's son has me in a chokehold

description: you accept to do a bet to lighten up Dr. Ratio, one of your work colleagues and also a rival, you're not too fond of each other. things take a sharp turn when you do something quite haste to win the bet (could come off as a slower burn fic, rivals to something more?)

It was a bet. Your coworkers were certain no one could do, especially not you but now it fell onto you. To lighten him up.

Rivals of years, you and Veritas Ratio disliked each other for a long time. For some dumb reason, you were stern on doing this bet, the group of them and you stood to the side and you observed him, the way he stood next to his desk with a neutral expression on his face. Knowing your usual relationship, you were doomed to fail so your mind went to at least making him surprised. That should count to something, right?

It is past saving when you walk towards him. "Thought you could help me a bit."

He sighs, already annoyed at you. "What is it?"

Rather clumsily you point to his cheek, no idea what you should do.

He looked at his cheek, then back to you. Your pointing and leaning made him even more annoyed than he already was — he found it amusing that this was your idea of humor.

"Ah, the other one" You try to save yourself

Another sigh. Another glance. There was nothing on the other one either.

"You can't see it-" You mention.

He squints his eyes at you. He doesn't have time for your games. "Why don't you tell me what I'm supposed to see then."

"A crumb," you say simply. "Shall I?" Digging your grave deeper.

He raises a brow. He knew you had a big ego, but he was honestly surprised you really thought he would fall for this. “Sure, go ahead.”

In hopes this would at least catch him off guard, you reach with your hand to move the imaginary crumb, your fingers caressing his cheek and then pulling him in for a kiss.

His eyes widen, surprised, his heartbeat quickening, while he finds you irritating... he also finds you attractive. for some reason.. the kiss continues for a bit, his breath coming out in short gasps. you weren't expecting it to work.

Now you pull back, he is stunned, maybe a tad less irritated at you. You two stare at each other for a moment. The only noise is your heavy breathing, and something is cooking below the surface.

He stares at you for a bit longer, breath coming out in short gasps, as he processes what happened. Then he breaks the stare, his eyes scanning the area — some of your coworkers were watching, and probably laughing. But he didn’t care. At least... he didn’t want to care. He wanted to focus on you. Your eyes met his again, and you could see the blush still present on his cheeks, the warm look in his eyes.

You feel confused in this moment, what are these... feelings... you mentally shrug them off. "uhm... I gotta go-" You walk over to the co-workers to see if this counts as winning the bet.  As you turned to walk over to the observing co-workers, you could sense that his eyes were still watching you.

The acquaintances agreed that you won the bet. But found your way of achieving that interesting, especially since you two dislike each other. They leave and, the space is empty when you return to reading some papers.

After you’ve left, he spends a few moments pondering the event, and then, in an impulsive decision, he decides he wants to find you again. It wasn’t just the bet that he became, later on, aware of, or his wounded ego, that had him wanting to seek you out; he was intrigued by this newfound interaction. He wants to see where it leads.

He finds you sitting at a table. When you notice him approaching, you can feel the gaze of your coworkers. As he reaches you, you can feel their eyes still on you; there are some giggles and laughs in the background. When he speaks, his voice is a tad low. He also appears to be a bit timid, which isn’t the usual for him: “..May I join you?”

"What is it, Veritas?" Your voice was cold, and you look up at him.

He swallows, then glances at some of your co-workers. “I…” Your coworkers are still observing you with curiosity, so he lowers his voice while not looking at them. “... want to talk. To you.”

"We are talking," you say back, your gaze on the papers in your hands. You're dismissive towards him.

He hesitates but pushes on with his request, still keeping his voice low. “.. I want to talk to you in private.”

"Do we have anything to talk about?" you scoff, deeply ignoring the way it felt to kiss him. Chasing those thoughts away. You could see his face change to a microexpression you just about missed as he realized you hadn’t yet picked up on what he hoped for.

“You and I, we..” He hesitates to continue. You’d always been so formal, or irritating, with him. "we.. don’t get along.. usually.”

"We don't. So, leave? Why would we go talk in private?" you say. You knew this was about the bet. This was about the kiss - you chase those thoughts away, no. You will not think about not even for a second how soft- no. Stop. You return to reality. He is talking.

A moment of his hesitation. He lets out a small sigh before speaking again. “...We don’t get along, that’s correct. But..” He gestures to the observers and the whispers and giggles you can still hear in the background.

“...I think we should still talk privately.”

You sigh as well, rolling your eyes, finding his persistent attitude annoying. You stand up from your desk. "Lead the way, Doctor Ratio."

He smiles a bit at your response, and you can feel some hint of amusement.

He turns to lead you away from the others, turning a corner. Just as you begin to turn the corner you hear the observing coworkers make another comment; a girl says something about shipping.

"Private enough"? You ask after walking for a bit, looking around the empty hallway. it isn't a busy one usually.

He stops walking as you do, then looks at you for a moment. Your sarcasm is amusing him. He smiles at you, thinking of what to say. Then he begins to speak, and his facial expression is more relaxed than normal. “...I want to ask you something.”

"Ask." You sigh "What is it, Veritas?"

You could notice your words and attitude irking him, but, surprisingly, you could see him actually relaxing more as he spoke, a smile still plastered on his face. “...What is it that makes us dislike each other so much?”

You quickly answer. "We are both full of ourselves, intelligent, arrogant, and have zero patience for idiots. Is this why you wanted to talk in private- you're wasting my time, Veritas"

That response got a chuckle out of him, and you could tell he agreed with you, based on the way he nodded. A silence falls between you two, and then the silence is broken by him.. “...Have you ever wondered, as much as we are alike... how much we’re also different?” What a nonsensical question.

You are tired of him beating around the bush, so you decide to bring it up. "If this is about the bet- just- you're wasting my time"

Your dismissive attitude made him chuckle as you spoke. He thought about your statement. While the bet was an excuse to talk to you again, he had genuine thoughts in mind. Although, he didn’t let it show. “... It’s not about the bet. I just wanted to talk..”

"Why?"

You could sense the faintest hint of embarrassment in his voice, but otherwise, his expression was relaxed and casual. He says, “... Because I want to get to know you.”

You feel stunned, "...why?" Finding it strange he'd want anything to do with you.

That was the reaction he wanted. Your eyes were wide open, and you were surprised. He kept staring at you. He was aware of how ridiculous this might sound, but he meant it. He wants to know you. He found you irritating, yes, but there was something about you he wanted to explore more.

You shook your head gently, confused. "Veritas- what? Is this because of the-"

He sighs. “..The kiss? No. Yes, it made me think of you differently. But not in the way you seem to think.” He keeps his gaze on you. “The kiss made me realize I want to know you.”

"Why- what do you mean-" you stumbled over your sentences, unlike him. "Veritas- it is obvious you kissed back, no reason to" small exhale, since you were talking too fast "get to know me"

A small smirk appeared at the corners of his lips. “I kissed back, it’s true. But let me ask you something...”

He stares at you for a moment. "What did you feel when we kissed?"

You deadpan. "My emotions aren't your business.“ then you straight up lie. „-only hoping to win the bet.“-

He can’t help but chuckle. You lied, and he knew it; he could just tell from the way you spoke.

He keeps looking at you, the smile still present on his face.

“Do you think I believe it? I doubt you felt nothing while we kissed.”

„Doubt all you freaking want, Veritas“ you roll your eyes, „you can't prove shit“

He looks at you still, grinning now. You can see the amusement in his eyes, and the way he is staring, as if he’s seeing you for the very first time. “You’re right. I can’t prove you felt anything. All I have is my intuition. And my intuition says that you’re lying."

"You can't prove it." you cross your arms across your chest. "Stop these accusations and your 'intuition' is wrong." You sound arrogant, and dismissive, trying to wiggle your way out of the conversation.

He chuckles once more, then he speaks, a bit more directly this time. “My intuition has never done me wrong. You can keep on denying it, acting arrogant—and that’s fine. But I bet you anything that, if I were to kiss you again, a second time, you would kiss me back. Just as passionately as the first time."

"You were the one to kiss passionately the first and only time we kissed." you shake your head "Veritas this is a waste of time- you want to 'get to know' me, oh please" gesturing with your hand.

Even as you speak, he is still laughing. He could tell your pride is wounded.

He keeps a straight, smug face. His words carry no arrogance, but the way he speaks has enough confidence for both of you. “...Then let me prove it to you. Just let me kiss you again.”

You are quiet for a moment too long because you are surprised at his suggestion, and refuse to think again about- "no."

He knows he’s caught you off guard. Your silence is an answer itself. One that just gives him more confidence. He smirks.

„...Afraid?”

„I am a scientist like you, I am not afraid. I kissed you in the first hand. I don't need to prove anything“

He chuckles. “You’re absolutely right, you don’t need to prove anything. Except you kissed me for the sake of a bet. But I kissed you for the sake of understanding you.” He’s still smirking he is planning something, but he keeps his gaze on you. “..And I bet the kiss meant more for you than you care to admit.” There's a knowing look in his eyes.

"You didn't kiss me, why are you talking in the past tense?" you scoff when he attempts to change the situation around.

He raises his brow, slightly impressed, and shrugs. “..Alright, you’re right. Let me change that.”

Without breaking eye contact, he reaches out and pulls your face toward his. You could feel his warm breath on your face as he stared at you for a second or two, and just when it felt as though he would actually kiss you again. Completely surprised you gasp at the sudden proximity.

You can tell he’s enjoying the moment, since he leans in just a tad more, just enough for your lips to almost touch; his breath is hot and heavy, and his eyes still keep locking with yours as he waits.

It takes you a moment to place your hands on his chest and push him away. "Veritas, stop these foolish actions." You feel flustered at his advances.

He lets out an amused chuckle and steps slightly away. Though he has stopped his action, he is still smiling—which he knows is annoying for you to see. He still has a smirk and speaks. “..Do you think this was foolish of me?” There's something calculated in his voice.

"You won't prove anything and the one and only kiss that happened happened cos of the bet. Nothing more"

He keeps his smirk. “..Then how do you explain the chemistry between us? It’s all there, whether you’d like to admit it or not.” The neverending banter between the two scientists continues, both two proud to be that vulnerable with the other or to even take the other seriously.

"Screw chemistry. We dislike each other. And you pulled me away from my work to chat privately 'cos you wish to get to know me better? And now you wanna prove to me that I'm wrong by wanting to kiss me again? waste of my time-" you puff, you didn't even get a chance to think about the kiss today, and this isn't the moment to think about that. You can see the smirk fall for a second when you begin speaking, but then he smiles again. There is clearly something you aren't telling him.

He listens to your rant, and it only furthers his conviction. “..I agree, we do dislike each other. But that doesn't mean there can't be anything else. There are layers to dislike, and to liking someone.” He pauses. “..I want to see those layers.”

You roll your eyes „What I felt during the kiss is hope to win the bet that's it.“

He chuckles and speaks right away. “...Fine, I'll pretend to believe you, and not the way your face flushes as you speak. I'll pretend I don't feel the tension between us. And, I'll pretend that I don't want to kiss you again.” He takes a step forward and leans in again. “..And if you’re sure you didn't feel anything, then you shouldn’t care if I kiss you again. Because then, there's nothing to hide, right?”

"Well- no- maybe I don't want to be touched or something" you sigh, your brain just now processing the information. "you want to kiss me again?" the soft blush creeps up your cheeks. He wants to kiss you again? You don't know what to think, or feel about that, and this isn't the time to process that either.

His smirk grew as you spoke. “Or, maybe you don’t want to be touched because you’ll feel something. If there’s nothing to hide, then there’s nothing to refuse. Just let me kiss you once more, just to prove that you’re lying to me.”

„I'm not lying.“ You crossed your arms.

He smirks once more, and a hint of satisfaction crosses his face.

“Then let me kiss you. Why refuse, if you believe that all it was is only a bet? I want to kiss you to prove you are lying about not caring about the kiss. I want to kiss you to prove you are lying when you claim to have felt nothing, that it didn't feel good. So it isn’t about winning, isn’t it..? It’s about you being embarrassed at how much the kiss felt good to you.”

„Why are you so needy about wanting to kiss me- we dislike each other-„ you hush your voice as a coworker passes by, you two were still standing in the hallway. „-and no point for me to kiss you to prove a point. I'm above that.“

He follows your movement and lowers his voice to match yours. “...The reason I’m so adamant about wanting this kiss, is because I think we’ll have a revelation. I know we dislike each other, but..” He pauses for a moment. “...But there’s more to us than that. So come on, if you don’t have anything to hide, kiss me again. No one else is watching.”

„No“ you stand your ground „I don't need to prove it, Veritas“ Your pride wouldn't let you do anything less than stand your ground.

He chuckles at your stubbornness. “...I have to give you credit for that, it’s admirable. But I’ll keep on trying until it works.” Still keeping his voice low, he speaks once more. “...Kiss me. Please.”

He sees your stern gaze falter when he asks so blatantly and also says please.

„My emotions during what I did for the bet are none of your business-„ Your voice getting hushed as another coworker passes by „-Veritas.“

He takes that small sign of weakness and uses it as an advantage, leaning towards you a bit. His breath is still hot on your face, and you can see his smirk grow wider. He speaks, with an amused, almost teasing tone of voice. “..Are you refusing to kiss me so adamantly because you might actually enjoy it? Because you have emotions you don’t want me to know about?”

You sigh. „Veritas- cmon, this is pointless at this point.“

He keeps leaning closer to you, and he speaks while still teasing you. “..Well, you keep denying everything I said about you. You keep insisting that you only kissed me for the bet. So then, prove it and kiss me again—and feel nothing. Prove it right now.”

„I'm tired of this, Veritas.“ you sigh. Even in your apparent exhaustion, he feels the tension in your voice, the small crackle of doubt and curiosity in your words. Again, he speaks as he keeps leaning in, his breath still hot on your face.

“...Just one more kiss. To prove you're telling the truth. Then nothing else.”

„To shut you up, fine“ When your lips meet, you are doing your best to not move them in the beginning, to not touch him, and to stay fully still.

And you do, at first, stay fully still. Your lips are warm, and you can feel him leaning in more and more, but you refuse to do anything in return.

After some time, however, you feel a shift. With his movements, he’s now coaxing you. He pulls you towards him a bit more, his breath is still warm, and he’s now kissing you, softly but passionately, as he wants you to kiss back... He notices how you aren't budging putting on a good performance of not feeling anything. He wants to see more of a response, and he begins to nudge you to see how you would react. He places his hands on either side of your face and continues the kiss. He wants to see you lose control, instead of being this disciplined. He wants you to feel passion.

His hands actually touching your face almost makes you lose your focus, but not quite. He can feel you start to crack under pressure. It’s almost cute to watch you struggle. He decides to test his theory; he begins pulling you against himself, your bodies now pressed against each other. One arm wraps around your waist.

When you feel him pull you closer the focus breaks, your lips depart and you return the kiss, the kiss itself turning longer. Not even caring when a coworker passes by, your eyes are closed.

He can feel you responding to him finally, instead of trying to prove a point. Your eyes are closed, you’re no longer trying to hold back. His fingers trace your cheek as he keeps pulling you even closer so that your bodies are now up against each other.

Your back against a wall and he pressed against you, your hand traveling up to rest on his chest as the kiss kept going, turning more passionate

You can feel him press himself against you, and he wraps his other arm around your back; both his arms are now on you. He is taking charge and is leading the kiss. His fingers move from your cheek to your hair, as he pulls on it, and keeps the passion steady. His hands, your lips, his body pressed against your back... Everything feels so close and so warm... It’s as though no one or anything else exists except for you two.

And it feels good.. the kiss feels good for the both of you, each touch, you both feel the slow burn in your lungs for air, but keep kissing.

It feels extremely good. To feel your lips against his, to feel the heat and passion that keeps growing. Your arms around him, his arms around you. The feeling of your warm body against his body. The slow burn in your lungs, yet wanting more and more... The only sound that continues to play is just the sound of you both slowly breathing together, as your lips continue to lock together. Each touch brings in more and more passion...

You pull away, leaning his head against a wall to breathe. Your lips are swollen slightly as you breathe heavily.

Veritas pulls away as well and leans back from the kiss with a smirk. His lips were also plump, and swollen. Your breathing is heavy and quick, and he can see that your cheeks are slightly red. He seems slightly pleased and looks at you with that same teasing, smug smile.

„Proves nothing“ you deny it immediately.

His chuckle grows louder. “..You really hate admitting you enjoyed it, don't you? Even now, even after the long kiss. So much denial. So many excuses.”

„Tsk, you proved nothing. I'm just a good kisser that's all“

He laughs at your continued denial. “..You sound like a child now. Good kisser, who are you trying to fool? I saw your breathing and your expressions. I felt you getting more and more into it until the kiss became passionate. You’re denying the truth now just because you don't want to admit it.”

„There's nothing to admit except that we dislike each other, Veritas.“

“If there’s nothing to admit then there's no problem if I kiss you one more time, right?” He begins to lean in towards you and raises his brows as he waits for a response.

„What for?“ you protest, but the protest is much smaller than when he wanted to kiss you the last time. You can see his amused smirk form again, but he keeps his demeanor calm as he replies.

“..For the last time. To really get proof from you that the kiss meant nothing. A long, slow kiss, where you can’t deny anything. Surely you won’t say no to another kiss from a good kisser like me, now will you?”

„You have your proof, Veritas!“ He whispers it loudly as someone passes by.

His smirk grows wider, and he leans even closer this time. You can see the amusement in his eyes as he speaks in the same tone as you. “...There’s obviously still something missing. If you’re going to insist that the kiss meant nothing and that you have nothing to prove, then you must have no problem if I give you one last kiss.”

„You got enough of my lips today.“ You raise your chin, shaking your head gently. He really did… get to kiss you a lot today.

He chuckles at this, and even though he has heard it before, his smile grows wide. The more playful you get in your protests, the more confident he gets in his stance. “Just another one won’t hurt then, right? I mean, after all... you’re the supposed ‘good kisser’ here. And I believe that you’re good enough to kiss me in a way that makes me realize that the kiss meant nothing to you, correct?”

You sigh. „You aren't letting this go?“

He laughs at your sigh. “...Just another kiss to shut me up, that’s all. Come on, it should be easy then. Unless you’re afraid of what might happen?” He leans closer and raises an eyebrow.

„Fine. One last to prove you wrong again. How do you want it this time?“ You question him, annoyed at first sight, sighing.

“..Same as last time. Slow and passionate, with you completely giving in to your feelings. But just one more request this time. Make it longer... I want this kiss to last a little longer than the last one.”

„The last one was too long, and passionate. Why would I repeat it?“

He chuckles and replies, his voice now teasing. “...Do it how I want this time. Make me believe that the last 10 minutes or so was nothing but a game. Prove to me that you’re just a good kisser. Prove it by giving in to me and my kiss. I want to feel all your emotions. I want to make you lose control. So do exactly what I say.”

„I am just a good kisser“ you sigh „Fine, c'mere“ you gesture to him, as you are still leaning on the wall, to come to kiss you.

Veritas seems amused by your continued protest, and his smile grows. But he does do as you say; he begins to close the distance between the two of you until your bodies are once again pressed against each other. You can see the smug smile on his face, knowing he has gained the upper hand in this 'game’. He begins to kiss you, as you requested, and he pulls you into him with his hands on your waist, letting the kiss last longer...

You again try to hold back for a moment, but his hands on your waist relax you... you kiss back.

Veritas feels you relax, and he continues the kiss, using his hands on your waist to pull you even closer to him. His fingers trail up and down your back, and he is now fully embracing you in his lips. He is taking a deep breath in now, as he keeps kissing you. You can feel the heat of your bodies pressed against each other, and feel each of the sighs from your both. This kiss seems like it will never end, and this 'game' is now in another league entirely.

You enjoy the kiss, the soft caressing of his fingers on your body. Your hands go up his torso to hold onto your shirt, one hand moving higher to tangle in his hair.

Your touch causes him to feel something even deeper within himself, something that he hasn't felt in a long time. His passion starts growing more intense the longer the kiss goes, and he can feel you letting yourself go. The heat from your body is so intense, and the scent of his cologne combined with your scent is intoxicating. Your fingers running through his dark blue hair are sending shivers down his spine, and the embrace of his hands around your waist is like a safe shelter around you.

Then you both get lost in the kiss, with no thoughts, or rivalry or who is passing by, just each other's touch and lips. Other thoughts quickly vanish from your mind, and all you can focus on is this kiss. Your bodies are pressed tightly against each other, the heat growing hotter as time goes on. Nothing is more important right now; there's just both of your lips and the two of your bodies. Nothing else exists right now. It feels like the kiss will never end, and it feels so right. The passion is undeniable and unrelenting.

In a moment you separate to breathe, technically where the kiss should've ended, just before he puts his lips on yours again you exhale and whisper his name „Veritas...“ And meet his lips as he kisses you once more.

Your whisper sends a shiver down his spine, and he pulls you closer once more. At this moment, his name is enough. The way you said it so softly, almost in a whisper, is enough.

It doesn't even register to you that your lips separated and started another, until you hear a group of people, about to turn your corner, who are talking. You pull your lips away, leaning away from him, your head leaning onto a wall, and moving your hands off of him.

It makes you realize just where the two of you are standing. Veritas looks down, slightly embarrassed but you can see the faintest of smiles on his lips. His fingers brush your cheek as you both break the embrace. The lingering scent of his cologne is still heavy in the air, and you can feel the heat of the hug still lingering on your body. You can feel his breath against your cheek.

People pass by, and you don't say anything.

Once you both seem to fully realize the gravity of what just happened, the reality of your situation kicks in. It was an innocent but long kiss, made only longer when you had both decided to keep the whole thing going. The voices of people are louder now, and the two of you are both still breathing heavily and still hot from the heat of the long kiss. The moment is now over, though the scent of his cologne and the lingering taste of the kiss still lingers.

You are preparing yourself for your accusations of lying and that it wasn't just you being a good kisser, you curse yourself for mumbling his name earlier.

There is a moment of silence between the two of you. The noise of people passing by gets ever louder, but it still seems faint to you. The scent of his cologne is still lingering in the air, filling your lungs and your mind. You can feel the breath of his voice against your cheek, as you still feel every inch of the touch from his body that you just experienced.

He looks into your eyes, and for a moment, the silence, the smell of his cologne, and the taste of his kiss are all so intoxicating that it's almost like nothing else exists. Your lips are slightly swollen from his kiss, and there are still some traces of his saliva mixed into your lips.

„Veritas...“ you start, attempting to make up another excuse

He looks at you with a teasing and playful look on his lips. From the expression on his face and the way he's staring at you, it's like he knows he's cornered you now. He smiles at you, and a small twinkles in his eyes. He can't help but chuckle. His look is now mixed with amusement as well because he knows your pride will stop you from admitting anything. He raises one of his eyebrows and waits for you to continue.

When he doesn't interrupt you, like you hoped he would, and then he even smirks and raises an eyebrow...you know you are defeated, you can't make a truthful excuse, caught red-handed… you turn away from him, lightly hitting the wall with your hand and resting your head against it and he can hear you mumble a quiet „... shit“

Veritas’s smirk grows wider as he looks at the defeated look on your face. You still refuse to actually speak, and he can’t help but feel amused at the realization that your pride is completely keeping you from admitting what is obvious. He knows that all he has to do now is let the silence set in. The silence in itself and your attitude towards him makes it obvious.

You turn back around and face him again, and the exact moment you meet his eyes you look elsewhere.

He laughs quietly as he stares at you. Your blush is bright, and your face is slightly red, which is why the first thing you do after turning back around is to avoid eye contact. He can't help but smirk at this, and he can't stop himself from speaking. "Can't look at me anymore, can you? Am I that captivating?"

„You're like… average“ you scoff, not looking at him still. Which almost makes you laugh but you manage to hold it in, the lie too obvious as you say it aloud.

He scoffs, not able to hide his amusement. He knows damn well he's not average. He can see that you know he's not 'average' as well.  "You want me to take that as a way of you finally admitting that you let yourself enjoy that kiss? Or is this still some desperate attempt to play it off as nothing?"

„Veritas please stop this torture.“ You complain.

He laughs softly for a moment and then sighs. There is a moment of silence again, as he stares at you. "I think I've made this painful enough. If you just admit the kiss meant something to you too, then the 'torture' will stop. Do you want that?"

You nod „Fine. It is rather obvious now.“

His whole demeanor shifts immediately. His mischievous grin that was playing on his lips immediately turned into a soft, genuine smile. He can see that the game has ended and that now he is talking to the real you, the one who let themselves get carried away with that kiss. He has a look of affection that he had been hiding behind the disguise of mockery.

You aren't meeting his gaze, arms crossed, lips swollen, cheeks blushed... and if someone were to come close enough they'd smell the two different scents… your perfume and his cologne.

He chuckles because he sees that you still can't quite meet his gaze just yet. He stares at your lips for a moment, thinking of that kiss and just how intense it all seemed. The scents of both your perfumes are still lingering in the air, and for a moment, you feel like you're still locked in that kiss.

„Fine. Fine. Fine.“ you sigh „Bet was the bet, nothing special, earlier today. I- then- just- didn't expect you to kiss back. I didn't feel anything special.“ And yet later on now... you have kissed three more times.

He laughs softly, knowing exactly how wrong your entire statement was. Both of you know it. It's obvious that you actually cared enough to play this 'game' with him, and you felt enough to get lost in that kiss. He can spot the hesitation in your eyes, the way you avoided your gaze, and the stutter in your words. But he still can't help but tease you. "Is that right? If you felt nothing special, then why did you let it go on for so much longer than it had to? And why the second kiss? And... the third one?"

„No, I meant the bet… was nothing special. Well.. mostly“ Your honesty is a double-edged sword.

That answer alone tells him everything that he needs to know. "Mostly? And what was the rest of it then? Were the other kisses something special for you? Or are you just gonna say they were just you being a good kisser?" He scoffs quietly.

„The bet one... I didn't expect you to kiss back- I kissed you just cos of the bet- to "lighten" you up, and then you returned the kiss.. and that was... surprising.. and then you wanted to chat in private and requested kisses to prove a point.“

He sighs silently, hearing your explanation. He can feel that your words are just excuses, that the kisses still mean more to you than you let on. The more you say, the more he smiles. It's clear that you actually want to continue this flirtation, even if you might not want to admit it. "Is that so? Because it seemed as if it meant something even during our bet... and the whole conversation we had in private. It all meant something to you, didn't it?"

„I think it was obvious I'm too deep in to make excuses after the last one- remember I turned around, punched the wall- I had nothing to say- why are you pushing this?“

A soft smile spreads across his face, and he chuckles. He can see that this flirtatious exchange has gone far beyond a simple game of proving a point. There's something about you that simply has pulled him in completely, something that he just cannot help but tease and flirt with. He's now just enjoying it and enjoying you as well. "I'm pushing this because I want to see you admit more about your feelings. And... I like teasing and flirting with you. Because it feels so damn good just being around you."

„Since when do you feel good being around me? We dislike each other. I...“ Your words are honest, „I don't know why it felt so good..“

He laughs softly, amused again that you refuse to actually see what you're feeling now. "We dislike each other, huh? So that was what our conversation was then... A long, intimate debate about how much we dislike each other. And that whole kiss, just a simple game of me teasing you. And this too."

His soft laugh is filled with a teasing tone, as he begins to lean closer and brush his nose against yours.

You sigh „Veritas... it appears to be... complicated“

He hums, as he leans in closer. His words are softer now, as he speaks with that same teasing, playful voice. "Complicated, huh? How complicated? Are you starting to admit to yourself that you feel something between us?"

„I can admit. But I do not know what it is, I only found out today and so did you, unless you're hiding something from me?“ You speak quietly.

Your quietness only sparks him even more, as he continues to stay just a few inches away from your lips and your face. He looks at you with that mischievous smirk on his face, as he can sense your confusion. "So does that mean the kisses were not just meaningless flirts then? Because from my perspective, you seemed to be enjoying it a lot. I'm not hiding anything. Also realized today."

„You enjoyed them too.“ You softly say.

His smirk grows wider; he can't help but love the teasing moments like this. Both of them enjoy these little flirts, but neither wants to be the first to just admit their feelings. "You... you're right. I enjoyed the hell out of every kiss. It was intense, it was passionate... and I couldn't help but get completely lost in it."

You look into the distance recalling the way it all felt... You zone out for a couple of moments.

He hums, sensing that the two of you are now getting more serious. Neither of you can deny the chemistry between you both, and that has only grown the more the two of you have kissed. He can see how much your thoughts are wandering now, and he loves that he has you this speechless, filled with so much emotion, and yet so clueless about how you're feeling. This is the most vulnerable that you have looked at so far, and he wants to keep it that way...

He moves closer now, getting just inches away from your face. He can smell your cologne and the air that is filled with both of your scents. The air feels so heavy and so full of emotions, where every inch of you feels so close in his presence. His voice is soft, and he begins to speak softly, almost in a whisper. "If you truly do want us to end this little game of back and forth... then you can just admit it now. Say the words, just say how these kisses meant something to you."

„I already did, Veritas“ you sigh.

His smirk grows and he nods his head, his eyes still staring right at you. The silence at that moment makes the feeling all the more intense, and even just being so close to one another felt so intoxicating. The quietness of his words had you feeling nervous, feeling excited all over again, and yet even that moment felt so real and...so honest. "I know you've been hinting at it....“

„The kiss felt good, you felt good.“

"Good? You felt good, I felt good... but is that it? Is that just the full story? Because I have a feeling that there's more."

You roll your eyes „Veritas Ratio, I won't repeat myself.“

The teasing moments that had made him feel so intoxicated earlier have suddenly turned into something else... something deeper. It felt as if the two of them were not playing games but expressing their honesty. He leans even closer now, as close as he can possibly get without actually touching your lips. "How about a deal, then? I will stop pushing you to admit how you've felt... if you say one more thing that you haven't said yet."

You meet his eyes „What is it?“

He lets the silence settle and linger for a moment, as he stares at you with that same, mischievous grin on his face. He can sense that this is finally getting far more serious, and that has his attention completely drawn in. He leans in even closer until he is practically touching your lips with his own, he's so close. "Tell me what made you enjoy every single one of our kisses... and just how much you actually have enjoyed me."

„Those are stupid questions, Veritas“ you scoff quietly due to close proximity. He is just trying to tease at this point.

He chuckles softly at the scoff, his eyes narrowing, but still holding that same mischievous grin on his lips. The proximity feels intense, the closeness of their faces, the heat coming from either of them, the two of them being so close that their bodies are almost touching. "But I don't think they're stupid at all. I don't think they're stupid because I want to hear each word from your lips, each and every reason as to why you've liked our kisses so far."

„How about you talk a bit about why you wanted to kiss me and your assumed feelings?“

His smirk grows wider, and a soft laugh exits his lips. You can sense the amusement in him still, but he also takes another look at you. He sighs and nods, and he looks away from you and speaks truthfully. "Why did I want to kiss you? Why did I enjoy them? The same reason as you, I think. Which is... because my emotions have been completely tied up around you. I want that closeness, I want that intimacy. That was the whole reason why I even continued flirting with you..."

You sigh, seemingly lost in thought, but if he asked you to look at him, he'd also see that you are smitten. Seeing that you are lost in thought, he doesn't say a word. You can see the expression of amusement on his face slowly fading, and being replaced with a more affectionate look and expression. He seems to sense the truth in your thoughts and the way your words have suddenly become more honest. You feel like if you asked him to look at you, the same expression of endearment would fill his eyes.

The kisses make your confused feelings bare, naked, vulnerable in front of him. You for some reason like him. And now you wait as to what he will do.

It's as if this unspoken understanding has been fully created between you both. You both seem to sense how deep these moments have become for one another, and it doesn't even need verbal words for you two to sense just how much these kisses really mean to you both. For the first time, you have fully revealed your emotions to one another.

All he can do is sigh, and he begins to speak softly again, the tease of a flirt just completely replaced by that of a heartfelt, affectionate moment. "It's true that these kisses felt good because I felt like I could finally express my emotions toward you. These kisses felt good because the whole reason I've been flirting with you is that... I've felt...this deep connection with you that I can't explain. This connection, I've wanted it to be more... I've wanted to be closer with you. And... all these kisses just felt so good because... because I've just wanted nothing but to be with you. Well, I only realized it recently."

„I'm surprised that we discovered this... after disliking each other for years up until this day.“

"We've finally discovered it, and I'm not surprised that neither one of us has admitted it earlier today. We've always been so stuck in this game of hatred that we've missed out on...something amazing. I guess you could say that we've played this game too long, and so it took a few kisses to finally start seeing just how wrong we both were."

You nod „Gods-„ you put your head into your hands „The rumors will be awful“ You remember hearing footsteps during the last kiss.

He sighs softly, as he places his hands onto the back of your head and gently begins to brush your hair with his fingers. It was true that the rumors were something you two would have to face, he felt like it would somehow be worth it. "Do you think we should really care about the rumors though? There's always going to be rumors, and this is one that you and I know is true. So, let them talk, but let us focus on what is really important."

You look up at him „Veritas...“

He grins softly, as he sees that your gaze has now met his. He feels so happy as if he can finally be honest with you at this moment. The rumors may spread, but you feel as if that would be a small price to pay for what it would be worth. "Yes?"

You just sigh softly.

He hums, as his hand begins to brush your chin, which leads him to gently stroke your cheek. The way you sighed so softly made him feel so...so warm and happy. You both were finally seeing the full truth of your feelings, and it felt as if everything bad in the world was melting away.

„We gotta go back to work...“ As your words break the silence of that tender moment, his smile fades away, and he sighs. It was true that all this was happening during working hours, and the both of you had been gone for a while already. "You're right, isn't it late already? We've been gone for too long..."

„Too long yes...“

He nods and pulls his hand away. "Yeah... we've both been gone too long. So, should we... should we go back before they notice?“

„Oh trust, they have noticed“

He chuckles softly, as he nods again. "Yeah, you're right about that. I'm just more surprised they hadn't come to check up on us yet."

„They wouldn't dare. They probably thought we were fighting… but the rumors will start soon.“

He nods. "They probably did. But you're right, rumors will definitely start spreading soon. I wonder what would they say about us though... about how far we went... about what we could have been doing in this hallway..."

You laugh „Ah yes“ in a mocking tone „Rumor spreads about Doctor Ratio and the lead researcher, long hated rivals seen making out in a hallway“

His smirk grows, as he chuckles softly, too. Your words seem hilarious, and yet they are also a bit...a bit too true. He can see that he would definitely not be surprised if this was suddenly the newest rumor around the office, with many, many different versions and details. "Lead researcher and hated rival found together... making out in a private room... for at least an hour. The rumors will probably even mention how long our kiss lasted, and just how much we wanted it to continue."

„Oh stop it“ you gesture as you two walk slowly back, just at the mention of the kiss you remember how good it felt.

He laughs softly and follows along, also remembering the kiss but feeling how it has made him more affectionate. He reaches his free hand over and rubs your shoulder, his touch feeling affectionate. "You know it's true. The way you feel, the way I feel, and the way they will now interpret what's going on. If I'm being honest."

You sigh „Probably “ you stop for a moment, closing your eyes in the memory of the kiss, his cologne taking you back.

He stops alongside you, as he smiles. He can't help but look at the way you have just closed your eyes as if you can picture the moments clearly and as if the kiss has become a core memory for you. He doesn't say a word, not even wanting to break that peaceful silence.

„Sorry-„ you open your eyes, realizing you stopped walking, giving him the perfect opportunity for him to also seize this moment and do it again. This time, he takes advantage of that moment, and he begins to lean in again cupping your cheek, his lips now almost touching yours. He holds his breath, his body beginning to lean towards you all on its own. He stops for just a moment, only a breath's distance away from your lips before he leans just a bit closer...

„Veritas-„ you speak his name.

Your words have become the trigger for this kiss, one that you will never forget and will always cherish. As he hears his name called, all those emotions inside of him suddenly begin to boil up. Your voice... the way you call his name has so much depth and feeling in it. The feeling of you saying his name is what sends him off the edge, as his mouth instantly meets yours...

You return it immediately, no longer pretending at the beginning of the kisses.

The two of you have finally let the kiss take over, as you return the passionate gesture in kind. Your kiss is no longer filled with the awkwardness or the tease of the flirt, it has become something passionate and almost...something more. Your voices may have spoken about how far you feel from one another, but the kiss you two had just shared speaks for itself, and it says so much more than words have ever could.

Your hand travels up to his hair pulling your lips closer.

He can't help but gasp as a loud moan escapes his lips, and the feeling of having his hair pulled fills him with even more energy. Your touch feels just the right amount of rough and soft, as he leans into that pull and meets your lips even further. That pull in his hair seems to have added just that little bit of spice to this passionate, energetic kiss.

You're surprised with his loud noise, and quickly swallow his moan with your lips, drowning the sound from anyone who may hear it.

The way you had instantly swallowed your moans had only brought him to moan even louder. This was more than just a simple kiss, this was an intense, passionate kiss. One that was completely out of control and only getting worse. It was exactly how this kiss should be, and he can't help but moan even louder in response, and he only pulls you in even closer now. You whine softly when he pulls you closer, you think how he will just get you both in trouble by being that loud. Truly a menace with the way he keeps making lewd noises.

He laughs quietly now, a soft and almost teasing laugh, as he pulls back for just a moment just to speak. "You know you like it when I pull you in this close. I can hear you whining, and it sounds so damn good."

„Did you have to moan- three times?“ you scold him, whispering.

He smirks at your scornful and seductive tone. "I mean...I could have just groaned once. That would have been enough for the effect, right?"

You stop your movements, your brain trying to imagine how his groaning would sound... you lean onto the wall behind you „Fuck... d- don't give my head ideas to imagine.“

He laughs at your reaction, a soft and teasing laugh once more. To you, he seems to have this way of making you feel both embarrassed and intrigued. This time is no different, as he leans just close enough so that he can whisper into your ear. "Don't worry my dear, now I have you picturing all sorts of things in your head..."

You whisper back „Fuck off“ And then you add „Don't you dare groan in my ear or I swear-„

He only laughs again, a bit more playfully this time. And then he whispers closely to your ear. "Just imagine me just groaning into your ear right now. It's almost as if I can hear your heart racing with that thought, it's so loud..."

„Veritas“ you warn „Don't you dare“ You feel like the energy and tension between you two is high now, and those types of noises would do some things to the both of you.

Instead of listening to your warning, he only leans in even further, to the point where he is whispering mere inches away from your ear. "Come on now, imagine the deep and sexy groan, the way my body almost presses into you. There's no denying this connection between us, dear..." The small nickname makes you smile.

You keep imagining, but you fear he'd actually groan on purpose which makes your knees weak. He senses your weakness, and so he whispers once more. "I could start to groan at any second now, and that thought alone probably makes you feel weak and weak in the knees. I bet that the thought of me just slowly groaning into your ear, sensually, makes your heart race with desire..."

You whisper back „Fuck off Veritas“ He is teasing at this point.

He laughs, and then he whispers back. "Why? You're thinking about it, aren't you? The thought of a deep, loud, sensual groan? The idea of it almost pushes you to your limits... to just let yourself become so overtaken by that feeling of desire..."

„I have to return to work you menace-„ you whisper.

"Oh, I see. You're back to just calling me names. I suppose that means I really am driving you crazy, am I?" He whispers, teasingly, as he then adds. "And what is it that will happen if I keep whispering things into your ear? Will you suddenly explode from too much desire? Or will you just be too embarrassed?"

„Veritas“ you warn sternly.

He sighs, as he finally leans away, back to his original distance from you. Instead of laughing back at you this time, he simply chuckles and gives a playful smirk. "Is that a warning? I didn't realize I had such an effect on you. Do I need to stop with my playful flirting, my dear?"

„We will see how you behave when I threaten you with such a noise- except you didn't actually make the noise“  Speaking normally now. And you're right… but maybe you should raise the stakes… play this game.

That sudden change to your volume has brought out a soft and teasing grin on his face. "Oh, so now you're going to threaten me with noises that you're going to make? I suppose then I'll have to threaten you on the sound of kisses. Because it is your lips that I keep on imagining, and it only makes my imagination run wild as I remember that sweet and sensual kiss..."

„Hm“ you tilt your head, smirking, then lean in to whisper „Imagine just us laying on the bed... wouldn't it be so nice the way I would moan your name, Veritas? wouldn't it sound so good?“ Then you actually moan into his ear just to tease him back and drive him insane.

He laughs softly as he feels the moan against his ear. He can feel some chills run down his spine, as his body begins to shiver a bit, too. It seemed this moan of yours...this moan that was now echoing in his ears...it was beginning to drive him absolutely insane. He was finding it easier and easier to picture the two of you lying on the bed together, and your moans suddenly felt all too real now.

You left him standing there with his thoughts, he seemed zoned out as you are now walking a tad further ahead.

He sighs as he begins to follow you as well. It seemed that the flirting was a bit too much to think about right now. However, he is curious about one thing.

"Just one question, my dear. How many kisses did we even share just now? How much time was dedicated to only kissing one another? We've kissed many times during the day, but this one...this one felt so real.“

You say simply. „5“

His eyes widen, as he listens to your answer. He's surprised to hear such a high number. There were indeed several kisses in their conversation, but did time seem to have really been that fast with each kiss? "Five kisses...wow. Really? I guess when two people who have such high intellect and intelligence, time does seem to pass us by too often, doesn't it?"

You are soon by your lab doors, slowing down your walking. Once you do arrive at the lab's door, he just stares silently at you for just a moment. He knows that there won't be another moment for flirting today, as work is soon back on the plan of action for both of you. And yet, he can't help but gaze at you for this last moment, this look is filled with affection, admiration, and even a small bit of desire.

„Staring is rude, Veritas~“ You smirk as he stares at you.

He simply chuckles, as he continues to stare even after you speak. "Staring at you... staring at you can never be rude. You are like a picture - a rare artwork that everyone should appreciate, look at, and examine. The only thing that is rude about staring is that I can't do it all the time. Your beauty should always be on full display for others to gaze at in awe."

You laugh softly „I'm more of a need-only-one-person-in-my-life type of person“

"I am not one to argue on that. Although I am curious to know what I am that makes you want only me. Is it my voice? My looks? My personality? Or something else that has kept you on a leash?" He smirks, his stare still not changing one bit.

„Go work, Veritas“ you smirk entering your lab, not answering to his assumption that you only want him. But it was a correct assumption. Refusing to also answer to his remark of being kept on a leash. You can only laugh to yourself at his words.

He smiles, and then he rolls his eyes, but there is no true annoyance behind this gesture. Instead, it's more humorous now. "Fine, I got work to do too. Just remember, you're not getting rid of me that easily." He then waves his hand back at you, before heading off to his own lab to finish his work.

[cutmyheadoffplease]

«Justice of those pure of heart»

ADA x reader hcs because why not?

WARNINGS! : Dazai being Dazai, mentions of alcohol and war in Yosano's part

FEAT! : Atsushi; Dazai; Kunikida; Yosano x gn!reader

➜ Atsushi Nakajima ᗢ

ᗢ He asks Yosano for advice; it doesn’t matter. Presents? Yosano has to say they fit the occasion. A nice day in a park? Yosano makes Atsushi check the weather forecast. She saved dates.

ᗢ Atsushi would buy plushies as gifts. He started doing it after he saw how much joy they brought to Kyoka and they became his go-to gifts for everyone.

ᗢ Atsushi’s ability lets him turn into a tiger, tigers are felines, felines sleep for about 16 hours a day. Therefore, Atsushi too sleeps for 16 hours (and has a tiny kitty plushie he got from Kyoka <3)

ᗢ Atsushi once scratched you. It was an accident. It didn’t even hurt. But this chazuke loving boy cried for half an hour because he ‘hurt’ you.

ᗢ You once took him to the Zoo. He started rambling about chameleons. He just loves them. His love for them can be explained in two ways: 1. He wants to blend into the background like them, so that he can forget what he’s been through, so he can be like everyone. 2. They're just cool.

➜ Osamu Dazai 𓍯

𓍯 Jokes that he would love to commit suicide with you, but I feel like he’d stop you say you’re uncomfortable… maybe brings you some flowers, to Yosano’s recommendation, he bought with the money he “borrowed” from Kunikida as an apology.

𓍯 Has a small crab plushie Atsushi and Kyoka gave him and used it to pinch your cheeks or places it on your head when he’s bored.

𓍯 Do NOT fall asleep near him, unless you want to be turn into a bandage mummy, because personal space is not a concep in Dazai’s vocabulary… at all….

𓍯 You cannot look at this man and tell me he wouldn’t blow in your ear to annoy you, Kunkida and/or Chuuya.

𓍯 Dazai may have on this goofy and careless personality, but the one time he was actually sad and brought to tears was when he told you about Oda. poor Oda

➜Doppo Kunikida ✎

✎ Kunikida had a hamster as a kid. He started liking math because he would count the amount of seeds it ate every day.

✎ Kunikida on the note of his math teacher past, he gave Kenji math homework once, but had to explain it with cows.

✎ Kunikida gets mad if you aren’t organized, he’ll tidy up of course, but not without commenting and giving you sour looks.

✎ Once asked Yosano for advice on what to wear to a date and ended up with a wardrobe full of clothes. He’ll never do it again.

✎ Kunikida is almost blind without his glasses, he once tried to hug you without them and ended up hugging a door.

➜ Akiko Yosano 𓌏

𓌏 Watches M*A*S*H* every chance she gets as a way to cope with her childhood. Please watch it with her. It’s an amazing show. The show screams Yosano. (I feel like her favorite would be Colonel Potter. He’s 100% the guy she would have wanted to work under. she cried during the last episode, not wanting the show she resonated so much with to end.)

𓌏 Yosano sleeps with her socks on and has an unholy big collection of them, most of them have Japanese sweets on them or random stuff she bought with Kyoka or Naomi.

𓌏 Drunkenly confessed what happened during the war once. She spat out everything. The pain drowned in liquor, everything now just a foggy memory of abuse and injustice. She took the hair pin off that day.

𓌏 Yosano took you shopping, Kyoka tags along, of course you had to pay for everything. And if you didn’t I’ll pay for Yosano and Kyoka happily . Before you know it it’s already late, the bag is full of random stuff, like scented candles and even more socks.

𓌏 Yosano reads romance. A lot of it. She became the ADA’s romance counselor. So you better be good at preparing dates or she’ll pout a little.

𖦹ׂ ₊˚⊹⋆Yay~ Thank you for getting till the very end~ A part two will come with the other ADA members.ᐟ𖦹ׂ ₊˚⊹⋆

[softguarnere]

Something He Can't Have

Edmund Pevensie x fem!reader

A/N: Not me falling back into one of my oldest hyperfixations after watching the movies this past week for Christmas 🥴 I honestly don't know what to say for myself, other than that I had fun writing this and it may have single-handedly saved me from my recent writing slump. Anyway, hope y'all like this, byeeee ✨💕 Warnings: none

Lucy lets out a groan that sounds so annoyed that it instantly draws Edmund back into the present moment. “Can I ple-ease say something now?” She asks Susan, who sits to her left at the banquet table.

Susan shushes her, but there’s no malice behind it. In fact, when she does allow a disheartened look to grace her face, she directs it toward Edmund. “No. I suppose we shouldn’t meddle.”

They’ve captured his interest. Which is something that seems nearly impossible, considering that he’s spent so much of this banquet staring at Peter and (Y/N) on the dance floor, watching his older brother enjoy dance after dance with her. And trying hard not to take it too personally when (Y/N) throws back her head to laugh every now and then at something that Peter has said. Usually, she only laughs like that at his jokes, and usually only when they’re alone together.

If Peter is making her come undone, allowing her to feel comfortable outside of the carefully crafted polite and diplomatic persona that (Y/N) has created for herself to use in Cair Paravel’s court, then she’s become relaxed with him. And who knows where that will lead?

“What are you talking about?” For good measure, Edmund tosses one last glance at the dance floor before turning his attention to his sisters.

“That!” Lucy exclaims, gesturing between Edmund and the crowd that swirl on the floor before them. “This!”

Edmund raises an eyebrow. “The ball?”

His younger sister groans, burying her head in her hands. “Oh, I give up!”

“Edmund,” Susan says sternly. “I promised myself that I wouldn’t get involved, but this has gone on long enough.” For a split second, the gentle queen loses her composure, though only ever so slightly. “I mean, for God’s sake! It’s downright painful to watch!”

Still confused, Edmund isn’t sure what to say that will clarify whatever his sisters are talking about without further upsetting them. Instead, he settles for biting his lip, glancing between his sisters and the dancing, trying to work out their meaning himself.

Susan sighs, turning to Lucy. “He’s either a better actor than we give him credit for, or he’s downright daft.”

“Help me out here,” Edmund says.

“(Y/N)!” Lucy hisses, leaning across Susan so that she can scold her brother without causing too much unwanted attention. “You’ve been following her around all lovesick for ages now, but you haven’t done anything. And now you’re all jealous watching her dance with Peter.”

“Am not!”

Lucy swats his arm. “You’ve been staring at them all night. If you like her so much, then you better do something before you lose her forever!”

In other situations, Susan might chide the youngest Pevensie sibling, telling her that she’s being a bit overdramatic before offering Edmund some sort of good-natured advice. Edmund looks to her expectantly, only to find her brown eyes full of disappointment; she agrees with Lucy.

“We can all agree that you wear green better than any other, Ed,” she says. “But jealousy is not a shade that suits you.”

“Me? Jealous?! Of who?”

But his sisters only fix him with knowing looks. It makes Edmund want to wither away from existence on the spot. He spent most of their lives before Narnia being jealous of Peter. It’s been hard, but it’s something that he’s worked on since they were crowned. He really thought that he had overcome it. Now, though, his sisters’ words, coupled with the funny feeling in his stomach . . . He feels like a man, trapped, full of guilt, and caught in the middle of something very private. Which innocent people with nothing to hide do not feel in situations like these.

I fancy (Y/N), he realizes, admitting it to himself for the first time. It feels demeaning, somehow, to put a label on the feelings that he’s been harboring in secret for so long. And I’m jealous because she likes Peter more than me, says the next one, which makes him feel even worse.

A warm hand takes hold of his and squeezes. For all the annoyance that Lucy has felt toward him in these past few minutes, she offers him nothing but a kind look and encouraging smile. “You have to do something, Ed.”

“I – “ The words clog in his throat, causing him to swallow thickly, trying to find some of the air which has suddenly become very scarce. As you spin by on the dance floor, Edmund can see how you’re smiling at Peter like he hung the moon, and how his older brother beams at you like you created all the stars. Who wouldn’t want to bask in the sun’s warmth like that? And what sort of evil would dare separate two people who appear to be so . . . so in love. “I can’t.”

“You can,” Susan reassures him. “Trust me, Ed.”

Edmund, however, can’t take his eyes off of you. “I can’t ruin that.”

“You won’t,” Susan says. And if Edmund had his wits about him, he would recognize that she says it with the tone of someone who is very sure of herself because she has access to information that no one else has. (She, after all, is your best friend. But facts like that tend to fall by the wayside in moments of intense anxiety such as this.) “Ed, it’ll be fine. Trust me.”

To unstick the words in his throat, Edmund reaches for his goblet and takes a swig of the drink from inside. If he’s really going to do this, he’ll need all the courage he can get, no matter where it comes from.

As the song ends, he pushes back his chair and begins to make his way around the table. Lucy squeals with delight from behind him, and both his sisters offer nods of encouragement and thumbs up when he turns back to them, unsure.

The next thing that he knows, he’s on the dance floor, maneuvering his way through the crowd to reach you –

He catches sight of you just as you excuse yourself from the dance floor. You disappear into the crowd before he can call out to you, though he reaches out a hand, like he might be able to catch you from afar.

“Edmund!” A well-meaning slap on the back announces Peter’s presence. His older brother throws an arm around his shoulders. He radiates heat after all that dancing. “I wondered when you might join us on the dance floor.”

“I’m not. I’m just looking for (Y/N).”

Peter’s smile doesn’t falter, despite the fact that the next words out of his mouth are devastating news. “I believe that she’s retiring for the night.”

“Oh?”

“She said that she needed some air, that she might go to bed.”

As one of Narnia’s kings, Edmund is inclined to stay present for the majority of this banquet. You, being a courtier, are free to go as you please, seeing as there are no diplomatic negotiations, no fates of any nations, resting on your shoulders. If things were different, he would find a way to go after you.

And he’s actually looking for an excuse to do so when Peter says something that makes him stop.

“I wish she would have stayed,” the High King sighs. “We were having such a good time.”

Edmund nods, hands involuntarily clenching into fists at his sides. His voice feels hollow when he replies, “It looked like you were having a good time.”

“I was thinking – “ A laugh cuts Peter off as he shakes his head, looking half embarrassed, half giddy. “I was actually just about to ask her to be my – my girlfriend.” On the last word, something most unusual happens – the High King blushes. Actually blushes! Who would have known that such a thing was possible?

To say that it catches Edmund off guard would be an understatement. He’s never seen Peter so vulnerable . . . so happy. It makes Edmund’s mouth go dry. He and Peter have had their differences throughout their lives, but he can’t just ruin his older brother’s chance at happiness.

“Oh.” Is all that Edmund can think to say. He hesitates for a moment before asking, “What do you think she’ll say?”

Peter laughs, breathlessly, happily. “Well, I’m hoping that she’ll say yes, of course. In fact – “ He glances in the direction that you disappeared in. “ – I would go talk to her now, if not for my responsibilities.”

“Go,” Edmund finds himself saying. He can feel Peter’s look of surprise mirrored on his own face. But if Peter is going to do this, if this is all really happening, he’d honestly rather get it over with. “I’ll cover for you here.”

Now it’s Peter who hesitates. After a moment, his face breaks into a wide smile. He claps Edmund on the shoulder. “You’re a good man, Ed.”

I wish I were better, the Just King thinks as he watches his older brother chase after the girl that they both love.  

From the banquet table, Lucy and Susan are giving him confused looks. Edmund only shrugs, then quietly rejoins them. He doesn’t speak, doesn’t want to explain what’s just happened. He recedes into himself, letting the party whirl by without him.

If only he were paying attention – then he would see the knowing look on Susan’s face.

. . .

It’s late when the banquet ends, and later still when Edmund slips into the library. He’s exhausted, but his mind is racing and won’t let him sleep. You and Peter had disappeared from the banquet hours ago. That’s plenty of time for his brother to have confessed to you and for you to have accepted. Dread fills him at the thought of the two of you happily announcing your new relationship the next morning at breakfast. He’ll have to face the two of you sometime, to muscle through his own pain and begin navigating a world where he has to accept that you’re in love with his older brother. But tonight, he can be amongst his books, which are a comfort.

He's so distracted that he doesn’t immediately notice you sitting by the fireplace, an open book on your lap, but a distracted look on your face as you watch the flames dance before you.

“Oh,” you both exclaim at the same time when you notice each other. The synchronicity makes you both laugh.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he apologizes.

“I didn’t mean to take your hiding spot,” you say in turn. You shut your book, but Edmund holds out a hand to stop you.

“You don’t have to leave on my account.”

You squint, studying him for a second, before nodding and settling back into the cushions behind you. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Carefully, Edmund takes a seat opposite you, gazing into the fire to gather his nerve. He didn’t expect to find you here. Didn’t expect to find you looking so . . . distracted and lonely as you stare into the fire, your book forgotten. He really shouldn’t pry. But you’re his friend, first and foremost, and he doesn’t want that to change. “Is everything alright?”

Delicate fingers pinch the bridge of your nose. You sigh, collecting yourself before looking up at him through the firelight.

“Peter asked me to be his girlfriend,” you confess. Though the library is quiet, your voice is dull, hard to hear. You do not look as joyful as he imagined you would when delivering this news.

“Oh,” Edmund offers. He fumbles for words. You look upset, so he can’t congratulate you. But then again, he’s not sure if he should console you.

You stare at him for a moment, studying him just as intently as he’s studying you. “I said no,” you finally explain.

“Oh,” Edmund says again, for lack of anything better to say. “I’m . . . sorry?” Except that he’s really not. He feels quite relieved, if he’s being honest with himself.

Your brows furrow. He’s said the wrong thing, but he’s not sure where he went wrong.

“I said no,” you repeat. “Because I have feelings for someone else.”

Edmund’s heart, only on the mend for a split second, plummets. “Oh. I see.”

“No you don’t,” you scoff. “Edmund, you’re the one I have feelings for! Have you really not noticed by now?”

The words echo through the still library. They hang between you for a moment. A glorious, albeit confusing, moment where Edmund can do nothing but stare at you, unsure if he’s heard you correctly. Narnia is a magical place, but there’s no way that you could have said the very thing that he would do anything to hear.

“You do?” His voice comes so quietly that when you don’t immediately reply, he worries that maybe he hasn’t spoken at all.

“Yes. And for quite some time, I might add.”

“But – “ Images of the night swirl in his mind. You had danced with Peter for ages, looking so happy. Everyone likes Peter. They always have. And much, much more than they like Edmund. To say that you have feelings for him . . . “Why?”

You blink, taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“I mean . . . Everyone likes Peter. He always gets what he wants.”

Even in the dim glow of the firelight, he can see your gaze soften.

“Oh, Edmund.” You leave your seat, coming closer to him. He rises, meeting you halfway, so that the two of you are standing together in front of the fire. Gently, you take his hand, intwining your fingers. Your hand is warm in his. You squeeze, and on instinct, he squeezes back. “That’s not true.”

“What’s not?”

“People like you, too. I like you.” Your grip tightens on his hand. “And Peter doesn’t always get what he wants. I know something he can’t have.”

“What’s that?”

A smile tugs at your lips when you gaze up at him and say, “He can’t have this.”

[heartpascal]

late spring . . .

▹ — joel miller x f!reader

▹ — summary: you and joel didn’t exactly see eye to eye, but things have started to change, at least for you. [2.2K words]

▹ — a/n: ok so this is like. one of the first joel things i’ve ever written!!! pls go easy on me <3 i also never really write one shots so this is pretty new to me! i do also plan to take requests so if you have one, feel free to do so!

▹ — warnings: blood, injury (reader), mention of alcohol (to clean wounds), r + joel hated each other (kinda. not really), haters to luverrrrs except not much actually happens except for them being soft

masterlist

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Remembering the old world is not something you enjoyed doing. In fact, you did your damned best to completely avoid it; tuning out of any conversations involving it, averting your eyes when people traded rare items belonging to it, even holding your breath when your nose caught something nostalgic. It was the reason why you had avoided any semblance of feeling for the first eighteen years of the new world.

That all changed when a certain Joel Miller entered your life, of course. He was closed off, distant, even rude toward you. That was to start with, anyway, before the softened features and the slightest turn of the corner of his mouth.

He had been everything you tried to be, with much stronger willpower. It took Joel much longer to warm up to you, than it did for you to him. But how could you help yourself? Quiet nights punctuated with his annoying snores, the way his brow lifted when certain music played through the radio, the tone of voice he used when speaking to his brother… it revealed something you never expected: humanity.

At first, you hated it.

Which definitely showed, your snarky comments towards Joel making his face scrunch up in annoyance. The subtle jabs about him and his rash behaviour made him glare in your direction. There were times where the only thing stopping him from kicking you out, was Tess.

But much like your harsh expression and nasty comments, the heart inside your chest softened over time. The sheets of ice that had kept it unmoving for years melted away, a warmth that you could only imagine was Joel became ever present.

Your behaviour towards him changed, and instead of providing him with a rude remark, you smiled and thanked him when he passed you what you needed. When he asked you to fix the radio, you did it with no other prompting. The scowl that used to face him every day was gone, replaced by that stupidly soft expression.

Joel hated it. He would take your critical comments and frustrated expression over… this, any day. There was some part of him that enjoyed seeing your softened eyes, that got warm when your lips turned upwards, and he couldn’t understand why.

Ever since the day he met you, something about you just aggravated him. And when you’d gone out of your way to be rude towards him? Well that was all the excuse he’d needed to throw the same treatment back in your face. He’d started to gain satisfaction when you would roll your eyes at his smart comments. But now, there was the slightest tilt to your lips when you’d roll your eyes.

When he’d asked you to fix the radio, begrudgingly, he’d add — he was so tempted to try and do it himself, but as Tess reminded him, they couldn’t afford to lose such a vital piece of equipment — you had nodded at him, and made a start. Unscrewing the screws that held it together, then pulling apart the casing to see inside, you put your full concentration on the task at hand.

Joel didn’t get it, couldn’t. Usually you’d be screwing with him, mocking him for his inability to do it himself, but you just sat and worked away, barely noticing his continued presence.

Your shoulders slumped, and Joel narrowed his eyes at you. “What?” He asked.

“I need some new parts,” you sighed out, looking at the parts inside the radio which had decayed past saving. You knew this day was coming — had seen the rotting insides of the machine the last time you had to fix it. You knew where to get the parts, you just weren’t happy with it. You’d hoped you would have enough time to find somebody else — anybody else. “I’ll be back.” You told him, pushing away from the partially disassembled radio.

“Y’need me to go?” Joel asked, though he was unsure what prompted him to do so.

��Nah, it’s fine.” you replied, smiling tightly towards him and shrugging on your jacket, before turning to the door and heading out.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Selfishly, you really regretted not letting Joel go.

Like, really regretted it. Putting weight on your right leg made you want to keel over, but you limped all the way up to the apartment you shared with Joel and Tess. Your face was aching, throbbing and still dripping with blood, though a lot of it had begun to dry, crusting over your skin.

“Ah, shit.” You huffed, the door locked when you tried to open it. You really should’ve let Joel go — because you didn’t have your key in the pocket of your jacket like you thought you had. With an annoyed sigh, you. started banging the side of your fist against the door, wincing when your skin pulled tight on your split knuckles. “For fuck’s sake— Joel!” You yelled, continuing your assault on the decaying wooden door.

“What?” snapped Joel, the second he opened it.

You ignored him, shoving your way past him with much difficulty and limping into the apartment, dropping down on the chair in front of the radio that remained exactly the way you left it.

He slammed the door shut, rolling his eyes and finding the sigh he was about to release got stuck in his throat. His eyes scanned your entire body, the way you now favoured your left leg, and cradled the hand you’d used to knock with your other one. Finally, Joel looked at your face, his brow settled long down over his eyes as he saw the way your face had swelled up, the blood that was still wet out of your nose, and the dried red that surrounded a cut on your forehead.

“Shit, what happened?” Joel questioned, approaching you quickly and pulling you up to face him with his hand on your jaw.

“Fuckin’—” you winced as he tilted your head up to look at the damage to your nose, “Prick with the parts for the radio. Tried to pull a fast one on me, had his guys jump me.”

Joel stepped away to grab the alcohol resting on the counter on the opposite side of the room, grabbing a the rag that was settled beside it for situations just like this one. When he turned back around, you held your hand out triumphantly, small silver parts rolling around your palm.

“Didn’t work,” you said, victoriously.

He couldn’t help but huff out a surprised laugh, which shocked you almost as much as it did him. Shaking his head, he kneeled in front of you, pouring a bit of the alcohol onto the red rag, before he held it up to your face and started cleaning the slice on your forehead.

“‘Course it didn’t,” Joel muttered in the quiet between you both, “What’s the guy’s name?” He didn’t look in your eyes as he asked, focused on your wounds, but he could feel the intense gaze you kept on his face as he worked.

“Benny.” You told him, eyes flickering across the wrinkles that had steadily been growing deeper over the time you’ve known him.

“That guy?” Joel inquired, voice incredulous. His eyebrows raised, and he finally looked you in the face. “Why didn’t you ask me to come with you? You know Benny’s got a reputation.”

“So have you, Joel,” you reminded him, “Besides, I handled it, didn’t I?” You tilted your head at him, as if daring him to refute that fact.

“Yeah, and look at where that handling has gotten you!” replied Joel, a scowl coming back to his features at how you didn’t understand he was just trying to protect you, as much as you annoyed him.

“I am looking! I’m home, isn’t that all that matters?” you retorted, a scowl crossing your face to match the one on Joel’s own. Your annoyance with him increased, and you turned to face the radio to begin working.

Your knuckles bled more as you stretched your hands, wincing before you gathered the parts you’d been through hell to get in a line by the radio. Just as you were about to reach in and start removing the broken parts inside the machine, Joel snatched your hands back, muttering under his breath about how annoying you were as he cleaned the torn skin over the back of your hand.

“These are bad,” he commented, eyes flicking up to survey your expression before returning to your hand, “How many were there?”

“Three, four,” you said, cringing as he poured some more alcohol onto the cloth and dabbed it against your knuckles. “Not enough to beat me.” You added on with a smile.

“What happened to your leg?”

“Dislocated knee.”

He nodded, a small frown on his face. He knew that kind of pain, and he knew it wasn’t pleasant. The fact you’d made it all the way back here on that was honestly pretty impressive. Clearly, from the way you found it difficult to get it into a somewhat comfortable position, it wasn’t without consequences. You’d likely aggravated it by using it so much after the tendons and ligaments were likely damaged.

“I would’ve come with you.” Joel said, still staring at your hand which he held within his despite the fact there was nothing left to clean off or disinfect.

You swallowed harshly at his words, feeling suddenly nervous in his presence. He’d never said something to you so… softly. Without any of the usual bite his words retained.

“I know,” you replied, softer, eyes falling to your hand against his. “You’re a good man like that.”

“Nothing good about me.”

“This seems pretty good to me.” You said, the hand that had gone completely still and limp whilst he was cleaning now moving to squeeze his hand. It hurt, pulling the skin taut where it was already torn, but it felt worth it to you.

His eyes moved to your face, eyebrows creased in the middle as he stared in confusion at you. Where were your harsh words? Your critical remarks? The glare you had always shown him? He knew something had changed over the past few weeks, but he had no idea what. Maybe he didn’t hate these soft looks and words as much as he thought.

Joel pulled away, and you put your hands back to the radio on the counter, finally working on it once more. You were silent as you removed the scrapped parts and added the newer ones in, but he could practically hear the gears turning in your head.

He stayed in the room while you finished working, which wasn’t totally unusual, his eyes following your movements every so often. He perked up when you finally turned the radio back on, and he heard the regular static crackle before the sound of an old station started playing.

With a huff of victory, you screwed the external casing back together and finally tweaked the settings to ensure you’d receive the music sent by Bill and Frank.

It was when you tried to stand that you realised the extent of your knee injury, as you quickly sat back down, muttering, “Fuck.”

Joel was by your side in a second, hand against your shoulder as he crouched by your side. “Worse than you thought?”

“Just a bit, yeah.” You replied, but you could barely move it now without pain. You sucked in a harsh breath, hand going to lean against Joel as you stood up once more, this time putting your weight on your good leg. Once you were upright, Joel stood back up to his full height, hands outstretched like he was expecting you to fall at any moment.

“C’mon,” he sighed, pulling your arm around his shoulder, “You need to rest it, couch or bed?” He asked, though he was already pulling you in the direction of the bedroom, taking the full weight off of your bad leg with every other step.

“You’re being nice to me,” you noted, a hint of amusement in your words. “Thanks, Joel.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re welcome.” He responded gruffly, eyes softened by the smile he could see on your face from the corner of his eye.

After he’d taken you to lay down, Joel sat in the living room area for the rest of the night, ears tuning into the radio which played general music, nothing from the code for him to worry about. And as he listened to the song play with that familiar slight crackle, he shook his head, doing his best to reject the smile that tried to slide on to his face.

“You look happy.” said Tess, walking in after an extremely long day gathering resources. “Radio fixed?”

“Yeah, all good now.”

[bloodyshadow1]

I feel like a big problem with Kristen is that Tracker was correct, she wants to take the easy way out in most things. She (and possibly Ally) has really bad ADHD and that screws up her relationships and the things she has to do. This whole season has been about her over coming that, because not everything is about defeating the big bad, sometimes it's about being in the moment and having to force yourself to be better.

In the beginning of Junior Year, and from previous years, Kristen is a person with a lot of love and her love language seems to be epic acts of love. Getting a tattoo of Tracker to show off her love, willing to storm a monument of High Elf society to save her friend, redeeming Cassandra. These are big acts, the latter being a miracle. The problem for Kristen is that she isn't the protagonist in an epic fantasy novel, she's a pc in a live play dnd show that is an homage to high fantasy and urban fantasy. The show shows more than just the epic battles and miracles. Life is more than just the legendary battles, it's about living the quiet moments too, relationships are too.

I'm similar because I have ADHD and I would drive through the night to see my friends if they need me, but cleaning up my apartment or doing the dishes can be something I put on the back burner. Because for people like me, and Kristen, doing things big for your loved ones is exciting, doing the hard work in between isn't. For someone like Kristen, whose job it is to be an adventurer, doing the miracles is easy compared to the monotonous work that relationships take to maintain and grow stronger.

Because relating to my main point, Kristen wants to take the easy route because the boring hard work is scary. Epic acts happen to her all the time because she is an adventurer, she can perform miracles like it's her job, because it is, but being present in the moment is something she actively runs from. In the beginning of Junior Year, she is actively treating Cassandra like an annoying friend who always wants to hang out instead of a goddess she brought back and is responsible for. She performed the miracle to bring Cassandra back from the dead, but didn't want to spend any time with her or doing anything related to being a prophet of a reborn god.

That's the point she's making now, taking time for Cassandra now that she's gone because she can't change the past, but she can do better in the future

[mintywolf]

(I wrote this on the train coming home on August 26th although I am just getting around to posting it now because time is a weird soup.)

So okay.

****

I haven’t written a personal journal post in a long time but I want to write down EVERYTHING I can remember about my adventure to NYC to see the Critical Role cast so I don’t forget. It was SUCH a moving experience and I’m so glad I went even though I was scared.

So okay my big goal for this year was to finish the first chapter of my C3 prequel fan comic A Long Road Home (southerngothiccomic.com), have a print edition made, and meet Laura and Marisha at a convention so I could give copies of it to them in person. When the CR cast announced they were going to be at Anime NYC this year I figured that was the closest they were probably going to get to me in Virginia. (And getting autographs at NYCC is reportedly like hunting a unicorn so I figured this would be my best chance.)

I was also terrified, and almost talked myself out of it because I was nervous about giving them the comic, even though I already had a badge and it was what I really, really wanted to do. I know the cast loves to see fanart — and also, it has been revealed, reads the fanfic — but it’s also a pretty well-known taboo for a fan to show their fanfic to a creator and a graphic novel is an unholy hybrid of the two. I was also worried that it would seem presumptuous of me to present them with a fanmade prequel graphic novel because there’s almost certainly going to be an official one at some point, and afraid that at best they might politely tell me they couldn’t accept it (for the reasons that comic writers aren’t “allowed” to read fanfic), and at worst they might be kind of annoyed that it exists. Either way I’d be REALLY sad, and in the weeks leading up to the con I worked myself up into an irrational panic about this. Fortunately my friends managed to talk me into not backing out (and spoilers: it turned out okay in the end!) but I was still very scared.

Also I was so focused on the comic stuff that I forgot until after GenCon earlier this month to think of what I wanted to actually have autographed. I decided to get a big print of the chapter one cover from INPRNT, assuming that since I ordered it two weeks in advance with an eta of 5-7 days that would be plenty of time for it to get to me. Well, reader, it was not. (But please do not let me dissuade you from using INPRNT! To their credit when I contacted them and asked if I could upgrade to rush delivery, they expedited it for free. Unfortunately even with rush shipping it just missed me, arriving at my house while I was on the train to NYC.)

Pâté on the train going to see his biological parents. (Laura and Marisha.)

When I saw that it wasn’t going to arrive in time I was starting to panic because there is nowhere near me to have art prints made. It’s a 15 minute drive (past the alpaca farm) just to get to the nearest grocery store. Grasping at straws I was kind of like Should I . . . draw something? On paper?? With real media that I haven’t used in like 10 years??? I only have 3 days!!!

Fortunately my life was saved by @emphaticembroiderer who had the brilliant suggestion of sending my art ahead to a print shop in NYC and picking it up before the convention. There are indeed MANY of those in New York and I managed to find one that was open on Saturdays and able to make my print on short notice. (567 Framing on W 14th street. The owner, Jack Hu, did excellent work and was very kind!) By that point I was frazzled and didn’t want two of the same print so I decided to be self-indulgent and had this one made. Not my showiest piece but it is one of my favorite things I’ve drawn. (This turned out to be the correct decision.) It’s a 6 1/2 hour train ride from here to there (and it got a little delayed along the way) so by the time I got there it was after 5 and the print shop closed at 6:30 so I zoomed over there straight from the train station to pick it up. It turned out BEAUTIFULLY, and the owner was pleased with how happy I was with it and that he’d been able to help.

He enjoys that he is included.

Then I went and checked in to my hotel and that point really just wanted to lie down on a bed but I had plans to take Pâté to see Hadestown on Broadway that night because I wanted to make the most of my trip. (Also it’s important for our scrungly son to receive a cultural education.) In keeping with the theme of the weekend I wore the Laudna-themed sundress I made for GenCon with one of the poppies in my hair. An usher told me they liked my ensemble. :) I had decided to go for a front row mezzanine seat because I didn’t know when I’d ever have this opportunity again and I didn’t want to risk my miniature self being stuck behind a tall person. It was perfect; I could see everything and the performance was AMAZING. Pâté had a very good time too.

The next day was the CR panel and autographs!! I decided to wear my 1950s Laudna cosplay from GenCon. I had some doubts about it when I got there because without the rest of 50s Bells Hells the theme isn’t as clear and outside of a DnD-focused convention the recognizability of a CR character is kind of low, let alone an AU variant on one. But once I found the Critters my Pâté poodle skirt was appreciated. :)

This is Rach @dadrielle, Astoria @astoriacolumnstaircase, Abby @overnighttosunflowers, and me as 50s Hells at GenCon!

And okay I know this said a lot but it’s true, CR fans are the NICEST fandom to be a part of. <3 If you’re ever standing in line for a CR thing by the time you get there you will have new friends. (For comparison the other-fandoms cosplayers I saw at the hotel and on the way to the con didn’t even return my smiles, even though we were all clearly going to the same place.) I fell in with a group of people who were near me in line (including an amazing Owlbearman cosplayer) and we decided to all sit together. The panel was really great. I don’t remember everything that was asked because of everything ELSE that happened later that day but they hinted that Big Things are coming (including multiple live shows!! Please come to Richmond! Or DC! Or at least somewhere on the East Coast!) for the 10th anniversary and Momlan stepped up to the mic during the Q&A segment and revealed that Sam has achieved his childhood dream . . . to become a minotaur. :D

With the mindset of making the most of this trip I had intended to try to get a spot in line to ask a question but I was hesitant about being on camera (even in cosplay) and while I was dithering about it like 50 people got in line. (I was also Suffering by that point because my rockabilly Laudna shoes have like 3 inch heels and after walking from the hotel to the convention center I didn’t have the fortitude to dart over to the line in them.)

My question, which I hope to submit next time there’s a Q&A opportunity, was this: For Marisha. We’ve seen Delilah’s influence manifesting in Laudna’s fashion choices recently. Now that she has the means and the freedom to do so, what kind of clothes would she choose for herself?

(Because I am a little sad that — until a possible post-campaign oneshot — we’ll never get to see a high-level Laudna costume that’s totally of her own design and I’m really eager to know what it would look like! Let her be spooky and free!)

Afterwards the cosplayers were being rounded up for a photo shoot but I was anxious to get a good spot in line for my autograph with Laura at 2pm so I stealthed away with Ken (@elissabrat), a Jester fan I had met in line, who knew where they were and had one with Travis at the same time. When we got there we were told No, go away and come back in an hour and a half, because it was still only 12. So we went to the Artists Alley where we found a girl named Lea whom we had also met in the panel line and collected a few other stray Critters (Ken has a boisterous and inviting personality and importantly, is very tall, preventing the rest of us from getting lost in the crowd) and we wandered around seeking out all the CR fan artists we could find. (There were a lot! It was great. I got some prints.)

by Cait May and Maliveth

Around 1 we decided to go back and see what the line situation was. Before we parted ways I exchanged twitter handles with Lea, who looked at my profile and said “Wait . . . this is you?”

She told me she was a big fan of my comic and looks forward to it every week! and we were both kind of like !!! at each other for a moment. I had never met someone who recognized my art in the wild before. (On ANY other day this would have been the most amazing thing that happened to me, haha.) I was so touched to meet her. <3

I took out the two books I was carrying and explained why I was there and we all got hyped up about it. And it made it feel a little less daunting, to know that there was someone there who understood the quest I was on and how close I was to the end of it.

I was like 5th in line for Laura and since it was still early I got to participate in that bonding experience integral to every con, sitting on the floor in cosplay, with a very good Vex behind me. (Hilariously, even after the dig at them — or maybe unaware of it — in the most recent episode, there were a lot of Funko Pop resellers around us, haha.)

I sent word to Southern Gothic Discord to remember me fondly in case I died here. In fact I'm not entirely sure that I didn't.

It felt like there was a disproportionate amount of fanfare revealing my print because I kept it how it was packed by the printer, wrapped in paper in between two pieces of cardboard so it wouldn’t get bent, so there was this whole ceremony of peeling back the tape, turning under one of the cardboard protectors, unfolding the paper, and turning over the print. But Laura loved it. She made like a happy sob when she saw it (it was really cute) and she looked at it for a long time taking in all the details and said it was beautiful. <3 <3 <3 (No matter how much we love and ship Imogen and Laudna, NO ONE loves them or is shipping them harder than Laura Bailey. She asked if I was going to bring it to Marisha too and was careful picking out a spot so there'd be room for both of their signatures. :))

I told her I was really happy to meet her because I’ve been a fan since BloodRayne (so, um. 20 years) and she said “oh wow, that was OG days!” And she gave me just a really kind look like she understood how much it meant to me to be there.

Then I gave her the comic. You all were right, I was worried about nothing! because she is the sweetest and she loved it. I very nervously pushed it across the table and said it was a comic I had made and wanted to give her. She picked it up and started turning the pages and was surprised when she saw what it was. “Wait, this is a whole novel! You made this?”

I confessed that I had, and she asked how long it had taken, I told her about a year (it was actually longer; in the moment I kind of forgot not how many pages there are in the first chapter but how many weeks are in a year) and she looked just really impressed that I had made it and touched by how much work had gone into it. She said she couldn’t wait to read it and seemed really excited to hear that it’s still going online! (So no pressure on me there if she's keeping up with it now, haha. o.o) And she kept looking between the book and me like she couldn’t believe it.

Then she asked me if I would sign it for her. :')

Somehow I survived long enough to do so! (a little wobbly because my hands were shaking) and someone (I think it was the ticket scanner) made a joke about how I was the first person to give an autograph at a signing, haha. And then she came around the table and gave me a hug. <3 <3 <3

After that my soul was still on the ethereal plane but the rest of me managed to find my way (after a brief wrong turn) to Marisha’s line. (There was a really good Keyleth and Caduceus in line behind me and they kindly noticed and returned the Pâté sticker that fell out of Marisha’s book).

She recognized my cosplay as 1950s Laudna right away! which was very validating after my earlier indecision haha. She loved the Pâté skirt and thought the scissors embroidery on my collar was adorable. She really liked the art too and was kind of like “Awww” about the book like in an “aww it’s an Imogen and Laudna thing” kind of way (she also liked the glass bottle windchimes on the cover and I love that she noticed that detail because Laudna’s penchant for turning things other people have thrown away into arts and crafts is one of my favorite aspects of her character) until she opened it and started looking through it.

Then she said, “Wait, this is actually really good," and she asked me seriously if Liam “Art Dad” knew about it (I said he had liked some of my other art on Twitter but I didn’t know if he knew about the comic) and then she said — still looking at it, more to herself than me — “We’ll have to add it to our art catalogue.” I don’t know exactly what that means (and I don’t want to get my hopes up too high by speculating; I was too !!! in the moment to ask and now I’m going to be wondering) but . . . it sounds . . . exciting??

They also both enjoyed Pâté and his lil sunglasses. :)

I had gone up with the intention of asking my other burning question: How does being cold-blooded affect Laudna in cold climates? If she gets too cold will she enter a state of brumation like a lizard? Will she freeze solid?

But I forgot. And it really wouldn’t have been the right moment. Maybe when I come back with Volume Two. :)

You’re supposed to pay extra to get a quote put on there but they both did it anyway without even asking. I think they must be really pleased when someone brings them something personal that they’ve made to have signed and not something they’re planning to sell.

After that I just kind of floated away from the con even though it was only like 2:30 haha. Nothing else could have happened there that would have equaled or improved upon that experience. Although I did adopt a Tentacle Kitty. The vendor (correctly) guessed “you look like you’d vibe with our spooky collection” so I had to get a new buddy for Pâté. (50s Laudna, still readily identifiable as a witch wherever she goes.) Also I saw a very chill emotional support pomeranian in a backpack.

(On the way back I saw the mark of the Traveler graffiti’d in green on the sidewalk. Truly a blessed day. :P)

Afterwards I just sat on the bed in my hotel room amid the floof of my crinoline wondering what even is my life for the next few hours and being like !!!! at Discord. Then I met up with Abby (whom it was wonderful to see again!! thank you so much for coming to see me) for dinner and had a really lovely time going over the What Just Happened of it all and talking about Imodna over strawberry pancakes. As one does. Perfect ending to an amazing day. <3

It was SUCH an incredible, exhilarating experience, thank you everyone who pushed me into not giving up out of fear. Laura and Marisha are SO nice and gracious in person and it was just so rewarding, after all the work and love and time I’ve put into this comic, to be able to finally bring it to the people who inspired it! And to see it appreciated and admired by them! It was more than I ever could have imagined.

This fandom is the best. My heart is so happy and full of love right now. <3 <3 <3

[deadtired-highkeyenergetic]

Past and Present

A very big thank you to @poetnix29 for providing me with a source of inspiration in the form of one of their poems (linked below). Do go check it out, especially if you're a transformers/megop fan all the poems are rly good I promise you.

I did make Megs a little crazy in this fic but I'm pretty sure eons of war will drive anyone a little crazy yea?

Megatron can't help it, his spark thrums every time the familiar flash of red and blue appears in his vision. Even though he's covered in Energon, both his and his enemies', the Prime is still a sight to behold. The Autobot leader's Energon axe swings gracefully through the air, slicing a blaster in half before tearing through metal and wires alike before coming down to deflect a blade aimed at his legs.

Beautiful, is all the Decepticon leader can think, even as Autobots hound him from all sides. They are nothing but pests, blocking his view of the only one who truly matters. He hungers to know the emotions the stoic Prime hides behind his battle mask, to taste the anger he knows for certain is lurking behind the calm facade. He loves pushing Optimus to his limits, testing the boundaries for that sweet satisfaction of knowing he is the only one who can bring the Prime to life.

"Megatron!" Ah, there it is, the oh so familiar battle cry. The Prime has finally made his way over, blue optics blazing with a fury reserved only for him and Megatron feels special. The Decepticon warlord smirks, swatting away the annoying Autobot who tries to attack him and focuses on the mech in front of him.

"Optimus," he very nearly purrs. Megatron shoves away the thought of how similar Orion and Optimus' optics look when angry and deletes it, Megatronus and Orion are dead now, replaced by leaders of opposing factions who are determined to kill one another to win this wretched war. Still, Megatron can't stop thinking of how the light reflects off the red and blue armour at just the perfect angle, giving the Prime a sense of divinity.

Said divine figure had a deep gash in his shoulder he could have well avoided had he not pushed one of his precious Autobots out of the way of the explosion, and he now places himself between Megatron and the annoying Autobot, urging the pest to run.

That damned selfless nature of his, Megatron muses, once he had thought it endearing, but now he found it irritating. He unsheathes his blade, licking his fangs in anticipation for the fight to come. The only opponent to ever get him this fired up is Optimus, and he's almost afraid to find out what happens when he kills the Prime, but it's not as though he's not going to try anyways. He knows they're both difficult to kill, they've survived time and time again where most could not, and that eases his spark just enough for him to bring his flail down with all the might he can muster.

He relishes in the way it punches through armour, smashing apart metal and ripping through wires, eliciting a grunt of pain and for a moment, he sees the bright blue optics wince in pain, but the mask quickly slips back on and Megatron has to dodge a swipe from the Energon axe. He laughs, closing the gap so that his fists can continue the work his flail has started and feels the rush of air as a fist nearly clocks him in the cheek. He retaliates with a punch of his own which also misses, and he can feel the thrill of battle coursing through his veins.

This is how it's meant to be, a deadly dance of death, a clash of weapons, an exchange of fists, nothing else can satiate him, and judging from his opponent's gaze, the same goes for the Prime. He sidesteps yet another blow, laughing at the growl of irritation from the usually calm Prime and rams into him, tackling the red and blue figure to the ground.

Optimus throws him off with a grunt, but Megatron lands on his feet, fusion cannon already charging up. Optimus quickly fires a shot of his own from his blaster, catching the Decepticon warlord in the shoulder. The Prime doesn't give him a moment to rest and charges forward, slashing open a cut on his cheek. Megatron simply grins, the sting of the wound only serving as fuel to strengthen his attacks and licks the Energon that drips into his mouth, sending Optimus reeling with a punch to the stomach area.

How does Optimus taste, he wonders, watching as more Energon oozes from the Prime's injuries. He's never been one to obsess over anything, but his arch nemesis is slowly starting to change that. He hates how all he can think about now is Optimus, from the way his hands curl into fists to the way he shifts into a defensive stance. He can see the scratches on the red and blue armour amidst the wounds that litter the Prime's frame, the little twitches of his audial finials as he tries to formulate a strategy to take his enemy down.

He grins, but it's quickly wiped away when Optimus staggers slightly. His spark aches and his lips curl into a frown, but the worry is quickly replaced by white hot hate when the Autobot symbol on Optimus' shoulder flashes into view.

Orion is no more, he reminds himself, all that remains is the traitor Optimus Prime. Still, a part of him wants to linger on the past and leave this war behind, but he knows that future has long been buried in the ashes of war. He moves to close the gap so that he can rip the damn symbol into pieces but then a blade swipes at him and he leaps backwards, avoiding the blow.

Typical Optimus, still able to fight back despite the numerous injuries that would have rendered a normal bot unable to move.

His lips curl when he sees the fire in the light blue optics that once looked upon him with nothing but pure adoration and he swings his own blade, wanting nothing more than to split the orbs apart but another figure jumps into the fray, blocking the blow. Other Autobots scramble to get their precious leader to safety and Megatron watches them go, knowing this will not be the last time he and Optimus cross blades.

This war will go on until one of them inevitably falls, even if it means they are the last ones remaining on the battlefield. Destiny has carved this path out for them, star-crossed lovers to enemies, kindred souls ripped apart by the hand of fate, and Megatron regrets nothing. He would do this all over again, given the chance, to see the look of seething fury upon the usually impassive face of Optimus Prime, to devour the look of devastation upon the Prime's face as he rips apart the innocent, to know that he would be the only one Optimus would ever think about.

He laughs, tearing open the healing injury on his cheek as it dawns on him. They are bound indeed, by the red string of fate, whether as lovers or enemies, and neither can run from the other. He will forever chase Optimus, and Optimus will forever chase him. They will obsess over each other for all eternity, never able to wipe the other's past self from their memory, but never able to stop trying to kill one another because they both know the war will not end otherwise.

Megatron laughs and laughs at this new revelation, but Megatronus weeps for the past that can never be reclaimed.

[gummydummy19]

Hi Gummy!<3

You shared that awful experience and I imagine...

Captain Sy and his insubordinate younger brother. His brother (let's say, Jim?) flirted with you in a pub. You don't really spark and he seemed a bit too slick for your liking, but Jim is persistent and (gradually annoying). It was not long before Captain Sy came barging in and took his younger brother home (and surprise surprise, Jim isn't reaching his drinking age yet XD), which is how you met. Maybe you met him again a few days later in the same pub, maybe you worked on a project that involves the military (hence Sy)

And somehow one of the worst encounters you have had in your life turns out to be the one in which you met the love of your life :3

Just a lil thot :3

JDHDKHCB JAM WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE BEST IDEAS I absolutely freaking love this oml

How I met your mother

Content Warnings: fluff, swearing, unwanted flirting (from Sy's brother)

Word Count: 1.9k+

A/N: Since we're in the middle of the holidays, I decided to give this a little holiday twist :)) Imagine this as a throwback to how you met your hunky husband Sy... In the throwback Jim is 19, Sy is 27, and the reader is 23. In the present Sy is 42, reader is 38, Jim is 34.

Alright? All clear? Everyone good? Let's get this party started then

The entire family was gathered around your beautifully decorated dining table. It was well past midnight, and everyone was stuffed full of delicious food and the expensive wine you saved for special occasions. Sy had his hand resting on your thigh as you both listened to his dad share stories of when he was in the Navy.

"Fuck!" you heard your 13-year-old son yell from the couch behind you, waking up your 9-year-old daughter who was dozing off on her dad's lap.

"Jacob!" you snapped your head back at him, but the boy just rolled his eyes at you.

He was playing some new zombie-murder-call thievery videogame he had gotten for Christmas, courtesy of his uncle Jim.

"Don't you roll your eyes at your mother", Sy stepped in, "and watch your mouth, or that game is going on the shelf till summer."

"But dad!" he whined

"No buts!"

Now it was your turn to put your hand on your husband's thigh, giving him a sweet look to let him know you'd handle it.

"Jake, why don't you come sit with us for a little bit, hmm? Haven't you played long enough?"

"Oh come on, let the kid have some fun", Jim chimed in, earning an angry glare from his brother Sy.

"Yeah and who better to teach him that than his uncle Jim, right?" Sy spat.

"What's that supposed to mean?", Jim shot back.

"You know damn well what that means."

"Dad?" your little girl tugged on Sy's shirt.

"Yes, princess?"

"Don't you think Uncle Jim is fun?"

"Of course I do, Maya, it's just that Uncle Jim used to give us a whole lot of trouble, just like your brother gives us right now."

"Hey!" Jim and Jacob groan simultaneously.

"Oh, I think Jim caused quite some more trouble than our Jakey", you defended your son, who had finally sat down next to you at the table. You gave him a loving ruffle through his brown curls, remembering what Sy's hair used to look like before he started buzzing it off.

"Yeah well, give him a couple years", Jim joked.

"What kinda trouble did Uncle Jim get into?", your little girl chimed in again.

The three of you exchanged some looks before you finally spoke up. "Oh, I can think of a few things, but my favorite one is the story of how your father and I met", you smiled.

"Oh god", Jim groaned, "Can't you just tell them about the pranks I pulled in college or something?"

"No no", Sy chuckled, "I quite like this particular story".

"I love storytime!" your daughter yelled out excitedly.

"I'm kinda intrigued now too," Jake agreed, grinning at his uncle.

Sy's mother gave her husband a look as she sipped from her herb tea and you knew she loved this story too.

"It was 15 years ago", you started, "Me and my friends had just graduated college that summer. By wintertime, a couple of us had started working, or even gotten married, so we decided to catch up right before the holidays"

Flashback

"I can't believe it's almost been six whole months since we've all gotten together" your friend Sarah chided before taking a sip of her cosmo. “I know, I’ve missed you guys like crazy!” You said honestly. The five of you sat there and talked for what felt like hours, sipping on cosmo’s and sharing the juiciest stories from work or dating drama. It was like no time had passed at all.

“Alright girls, I’m gonna go get another refill anyone else need anything?”, you asked as you got up to walk towards the bar. The drinks were definitely starting to get to your head, but you didn’t care in the slightest. This was the most fun you’d had in weeks.

With a fuzzy head, you made your way over to the bar, still giggling at a joke your friend made 10 minutes ago. Leaning against the polished wood, you managed to catch the bartender's attention. "Um, two... wait, no, three more of these," you mumbled in your slightly tipsy state as you shoved your empty glass toward him.

You were patiently waiting for your drinks when a young, arrogant-looking guy slid up next to you, "Hey there! What are we drinking tonight?" he asked and you rolled your eyes.

"Just a couple drinks with my friends" you replied curtly, avoiding eye contact with him.

"Just you and your girls, huh? No boyfriend?"

"Nope."

"Are you looking for one?"

"Nope."

"Hmm I see, more a hit and run kinda gal, huh?" he smirked.

Damn, this guy was annoying.

"Look pal, I'm trying to have a good time with my girls, alright?" You finally turned to look at him. He sure wasn't ugly, but not your type. Besides, he looked a little on the young side you thought and you started to wonder if he should even be in here.

"That's alright baby, I'm all for good times", he stated with a proud grin, making you roll your eyes again.

The bartender slid over your drinks and grabbed them quickly "I'm not your 'baby', now if you will excuse me", you pushed passed him but his hand gently grabbed onto your waist.

"Oh come on, don't be like that...", if your hands hadn't been full you would have smacked him in the face for sure. You looked down at his hands on you and then straight into his eyes.

"You have about two seconds to get your hands off me before you get covered in Cosmo's and my knee introduces itself to your crotch."

"I just-" he started and you got ready to throw your 30 dollars worth of cocktails in his face.

"JIM!", a loud roar sounded through the bar, grabbing everyone's attention, including yours and the guy holding onto you.

He quickly dropped his hands and took a step back from you as the man who just entered stalked towards him. The entire movement made you drop your drinks, but you were too startled to care.

"L-logan....the hell are you doing here, man?", the boy stuttered and his whole demeanor changed in a split second.

"Me? What the fuck do you think you're doing here?!", you let your eyes roam over his body as he yelled out. He was clearly older than you. And definitely older than the arrogant guy. It was obvious that they knew each other. You wondered how. They seemed like two very different guys. The older one had a casual confidence whereas the younger one had made up arrogance.

You stayed frozen in place as you watched them yell at each other. The more you looked at their faces the more you started to notice similarities. The older one was bigger, with quite a bit more muscle to him, but they had the same strong jaw and nose, and their eyes were the same gorgeous shade of blue. Could they be...

"Miss, I'm really sorry for my brother."

"I uhm,...okay, that's okay", you mumbled.

The man gave you a friendly look before sticking his hand out.

"I'm Logan Syverson, but everyone calls me Sy. And that's my little brother Jimmy. I'm really sorry if he gave you any trouble, he's been acting out a bit lately."

You shook his hand without breaking eye contact. The second your skin made contact with his you felt your stomach drop...weird.

"Hey, I'm not a fucking kid!" Jim yelled out, earning an angry glare from Sy.

"Then maybe you should stop acting like one, Jimmy. You really think I wouldn't notice you taking my fucking bike? Huh?", Sy yelled, "You're taking the truck back home. Gimme my fucking keys back."

Reluctantly, Jim gave Sy the keys to his bike and Sy gave him the car keys in return.

"You didn't drink, did you?" Sy asked with a raised brow.

"No, Logan, I fucking didn't. Okay?!" he snapped before turning around and storming out. While you heard the car door slamming closed and the engine starting outside, Sy turned back to you.

"I'm really sorry about all that..." he scratched through his brown curls before his eye fell on the puddle of Cosmo's on the floor, "Oh christ, uh, here, please let me buy you a new round," he said, already pulling out his wallet.

"Oh no, no it's okay really, you don't have to", you assured him.

"No, I insist. I promise I won't stick around to bother you or anything, but just let me pay for them, please?"

Now how could you say no to that?

"Alright then, if you insist", you gave him a sweet smile.

The two of you walked to the bar and as you waited for your order, you couldn't help but give him a once-over. He was wearing a dark pair of jeans and a black shirt with some old writing on it. He was much taller than you, and big...very big. With a mind that was still half tipsy, you couldn't help the words that left your mouth next.

"You know...", you started, getting his attention, "I wouldn't mind if you did stick around for a bit...to bother me."

You swore Sy's eyes twinkled for a second as you looked up at him. Of course, he found you attractive. You were probably the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Scratch that. Not probably, definitely.

But still, the gentleman in him wanted to politely refuse, given your clouded state and what his brother made you endure already, but then your hand touched his arm and your eyes found his. "Please? I insist", you pleaded, and Sy caved. "Alright then, if you insist...", he was only a man after all, and he could only take so much.

Meanwhile, at the girl's table, everyone was far too drunk and caught up in whatever story they were telling to have noticed what just went down. But all the giggling came to a quick stop when a tall handsome man towered over them with four cosmopolitans in his hand.

"Ladies, this is Sy", you introduced him, holding three more drinks, "My savior of the night, and the buyer of our next round."

End flashback

"Aww, dad was her hero!", Maya yelled out.

"He still is", you smiled, leaning into Sy and pressing a kiss on his shoulder.

"Hold on. So, you tried to hit on mom?", Jake turned to his uncle, "That's gross, dude."

"Alright, okay, I remember that story a little differently", Jim spoke up, looking even grumpier than before.

"He was just a teenager", you defended your brother-in-law.

"I was almost twenty", Jim stated.

"Yeah, that doesn't exactly help your case, bud", Sy spoke up, wrapping his arm around you as you tried to stifle a giggle.

"So what happened after that?", Maya asked curiously.

"Well, your dad was too nervous to ask for my number, so I asked for his."

"Hey! I was just trying to be a gentleman", Sy defended argued, giving your shoulder a squeeze.

"Sure thing, hun", you grinned, "The week after we met up again in that same bar, and the rest is history."

"Is that bar still there?", Jacob asked.

"Actually, they turned it into a restaurant, but it's still called Mickey's."

"Hey, isn't that where...", your son started

"Where your dad proposed to me, yeah." you smiled fondly. "and we still go there every year on our anniversary..."

The end

Taglist;

@metalbuckaroo @princessayveke @montsepliego @scxrletrecsmarvel @hopelesslyrogers @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer @tfandtws @vicmc624 @ahahafudge @enchantedbarnes @wickedravyn @pono-pura-vida @amayaraestyles @matchat3a @fictional-hooman @sebastianexplicit @peaches1958 @avengersfan25 @jamneuromain @tryingtoliveonmywishes @mrsevans90 @daybreak96 @tiredqueen73 @fallingforunrealisticromance @identity2212 @randomweirdoss @ragamuffin285 @juliaorpll78 @geralts-yenn @imjusthereforliam @bangtanstoeart @squeezyvalkyrie @enchantedbytomandhenry @superduckmilkshake @kingliam2019 @bascmve01 @missgaygurl @foxyjwls007 @mollymal @urmomsgirlfriend1 @luxeydior

[chaifootsteps]

hb could have actually worked Stolas in to the 'Blitz needs to believe people can love him so he won't die alone' plot without it being so disgusting and yucky

OK so hear me out - everything plays out the same up to Ozzie's

then in s2-4 instead of doing The Circus and making Stolas the main character, we stay with Blitz. if S1 was about who he's hurt in the past s2 is the point at which he begins trying to mend fences, but actively instead of the writers just forcing him to do it because he realized in Ozzie's he doesn't like how things are now

have the 'crashed Moxxie's anniversary' actually pay off with M&M being frostier than usual and Blitz being afraid he's about to lose them too. have Loona be annoyed when Blitz is overbearing when she's trying to make new friendships and accidentally sabotaging them with his over-protectiveness

have it be a story of Blitz simultaenously trying to make it up to people from the past (not all of whom forgive him) while he's trying to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the present with his new family

have the circus accident be more directly his fault - maybe he's practicing a stunt to win his father's love and causes the fire that way, even though he obviously didn't mean to

and have him begin to be emotionally vulnerable in small ways and he feels it pay off when others respond in kind instead of mocking or hating him like he fears. Trash 'Oops' as an episode but keep the emotional beat of Fizz forgiving him being the turning point for Blitz forgiving himself a bit, too, because Fizz's forgiveness is the thing he's secretly longed for during the entire show (next to Barbie's, who should also get vastly more screentime). have arcs to handle each of the main cast and flesh out IMP first and foremost

then as he begins to heal and treat people better, return to the Ozzie's plotline. have it be a thread throughout s2 of following Blitz's perspective of the fallout, not Stolas'. Show how confused he is by what Stolas is doing and why he's so happy to avoid him for those months off. have him make small comments to the people in his life about how deeply unhappy Stolas makes him and have them actually notice, because Blitz hated himself so much before he just rationalized what was being done to him as something he deserved

have the full moon argument play out as-is, but instead of what happens during apology tour, have Blitz think what he needs to do is apologize to Stolas to complete his character growth and love someone. Except make it clear to the audience that he has nagging doubts about all this - especially when Stolas pulls the 'I can't believe you didn't ditch taking your daughter to the doctor's office to come save me despite sending your employees to help because I fundamentally don't value your family or your time' card

And then right when it looks like he's about to cave and give Stolas what he wants - he doesn't.

He tells Stolas now he's learnt to love himself and he has people in his life again who've proven to him that he can be cherished and his worst self won't be rejected so long as he puts the work in to make things right when he screws up. He tells Stolas he used to think the owl was the closest thing to real love he could ever have - feeling used, abused and degraded. But he knows better than that now and he isn't about to let a pompous self absorbed royal bully him into being the perfect consort he wants. He goes further than that, even, telling Stolas he was bought to be his friend and pitied him from the start - and even now he wouldn't trade places with him even if he could

Because Blitz has rebuilt his life by looking in the mirror, holding himself to task and trying to be better. Meanwhile Stolas - who has had every advantage Blitz hadn't and could have chosen every step to do things differently - has actively pushed away both Via and Blitz with his 'never my fault, promise to do differently while getting worse all the time' behavior

Then Blitz walks out of his life for good, because now he has regained a sense of self worth he can see that he deserves better than the "love" Stolas was offering

and the one person he does apologize to, besides Barbie/Fizz/Moxxie/Verosika/etc? Striker. He apologizes for calling him a supremacist (still happens in this rewrite but as a sign of how hard Blitz is trying not to think that Striker has a point about Stolas) and that he isn't interested in fighting with him any longer

And Striker just responds with a smile, because he knows it means what he hoped all along would happen, has happened. Blitz is finally free from Stolas - and when he's ready he can move on to a love who respects him instead of just wanting to use him

I want this. If we can't have this in canon because Viv is Viv, I'm glad we have it here and now.

[snwycde]

Connected (Bang Chan) part 5

Pairing: BangChan x fem reader

wc: 1.6k

warnings‼️: MDNI, mentions of s*xual thoughts in the beginning (continuation of part 4)

summary: slow burn of Chan and fem reader. Chan runs into his past, how will it affect the present and his future?

This is part 5!!!

-----

Chan hops into the shower, he’s usually not one for morning showers but - well due to the circumstances he’s been given, he doesn’t really have a choice.

I haven’t seen her in like three weeks. What the hell? Chan rinses his body, trying not to think of how vivid his dream felt. “Fuck,” he says out loud getting mad because he’s starting to get hard again. He reaches and turns on the cold water.

---

“Chan hyung, where are you going?” Jeongin as he sits on the couch watching, “The studio is closed this week for remodeling.”

“Fuck, right.” Chan stands for a minute thinking, “Thanks for the reminder Innie.”

Chan waves at Jeongin before leaving the dorm. He walks to the car and heads off from there. If you’re wondering where he’s going well…

---

Connections. The sign shines, being hit by the sunlight as he parks outside of the cafe. 

He’s just here to eat some breakfast while working on some beats for his song, his song that he desperately needs to start on. But yeah, that’s the only reason. Not to wait and see if you’ll arrive at your family owned cafe. To sit down in your favorite spot, and work on whatever you need to work on.

Chan orders the same thing, but includes a toasted sandwich this time since he’s starving. As he waits for his drink and food to arrive, he pulls out his laptop and sets up his area. When he turns on his laptop he remembers, Right. Wifi.

As if someone read his mind, “The wifi passcode is magnets, all lowercase,” they set down a drink, their drink. Chan looks up to see you taking a seat right across from him.

“Look, I know this is a public business, but out of all cafes in Seoul, you decide on this one. Why?” You look cold, not the emotional self you were three weeks ago, it puts Chan on edge, unsure of how to respond.

“Hi Miss L/N, how are you doing?” A server comes up to place Chan’s drink and sandwich down, “Would you like your usual?”

Y/n nods and says thank you, sending the server off.

“I just like it here, am I not allowed to come here?” it isn’t a lie technically, he does like the cafe, but was it the full truth maybe not, “Also paparazzi aren’t allowed to come in here or in this district” he added, trying to save himself.

Y/n doesn’t seem relieved nor mad at Chan’s response; she just looks tired. “I want to talk about last time,” she places her drink down, “Can we talk about it?”

Chan does want to talk about it but he doesn’t and the fact that she brought it up so suddenly and that he wasn’t expecting it makes him say, “I don’t really know what’s there to talk about.”

Y/n makes a face, like “really?”, except instead of being annoyed she just seems disappointed, “You always hated confrontation.”

Chan just looks at Y/n not sure what to say, his silence annoys Y/n.

“Fine then. You listen and I’ll talk, okay?” Chan nods.

“I really don’t want to hate you. I want us to be able to move on happily with our lives with no hate for each other.” Y/n looks at Chan to see if he’ll say something, he just nods. “I think I was probably intoxicated and I was also in an emotional state last time you saw me. It was all just bad timing. I had no idea you’d be at the bar at the same time as me, especially… well yeah.”

“Yeah.” is all Chan gets out, trying to pretend like he didn’t follow her to the bar.

“In the car, I meant everything.”

That makes Chan look at you, “what do you mean?”

“Everything.” You play with your hands, you’re more nervous now, “I meant to get mad and irritated at you. I’m not going to deny my feelings just because you don’t agree with them. I don’t know or think you reflected on our conversation as much as I did but I know I got loud but it was just because it felt like you weren’t listening to me. And I know you technically don’t have to listen to me because like you said, we’re not dating.“ Y/n pauses to make eye contact with Chan, “I just had some pent up emotions that I just never got rid of and it was eating at me. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you when you’ve moved on.”

Chan doesn’t look away, “Y/n?”

She looks up at him, “yeah?”

“Did you mean it when you said I was the love of your life?”

Y/n forces a smile, and a pink flush shows onto her cheeks, she calms herself down quickly before answering with, “I mean, no shame in it, but yeah.” She picks up her drink right after, then continues talking.

But Chan can’t hear anything because he’s still thinking about it, “Why did you never tell me that?”

“What?” Y/n looks irritated that you interrupted her, but confused.

“Why didn’t you..you tell me I was the love of your life?” Chan hasn’t touched his food or drink.

“Because by the time I knew, I realized you didn’t think the same for me.” she sits up in her seat, “and no offense Chan, but I’m not one of your fans who’ll easily give you their heart and soul just because you say I love you to me. You can say that you loved me so much but your actions were lacking. It just wasn’t eno–”

“I love you. I mean I loved you.” Chan blurts out.

Y/n looks at him, quite shocked.

“You – I-I did love you, so much. Too much. ”

“Chan I need you to stop,” Y/n suddenly looking sad.

“No, come on now, listen it’s my turn to speak,” Chan places his hands flat on the table, “I loved you too much. It was indescribable. From the first time I met you here. I fell in love with you. And every single interaction after that I knew you were going to be the love of my life.”

Y/n looks around not being able to respond, nervous.

“Every time I saw you, you would pull me in. Like,” Chan stops, “...magnets.”

Chan looks into Y/n’s eyes, “did you make the password here?”

“Chan, it was made a long time ago.” She shrugs it off.

“No, I came here once a year ago, and the password was some random plant name.” Chan suddenly has more life into the words he’s saying.

“It’s just a word.” Y/n doesn’t look him in the eyes.

“Y/n, look at me.”

She doesn’t.

“What if we try again.” Chan isn’t asking, he’s stating.

You look up at him, “What?”

“I-I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re in my dreams, especially since I first saw you last month at the ice skating rink, you’ve been on my mind.”

“Chan stop.”

“No Y/n, come on, I know we have some things to fix between us, but you have to feel it too. Every time we see eachother we are pulled to eachother. Like magnets. That was our joke remember?” Chan’s just ranting now, he’s speaking so much more than he has in years. “We said we are total opposites, but we loved eachother. We were magnets, pulled together to be connected.”

“Y/n.” Chan gets you to look in his eyes for a moment, “I want to try again. I-I want you, I don’t what it is but I know it has to be you,”

Y/n’s eyes get watery but she scoffs, “Chan you’re not being fair right now.”

“Is this not what you wanted? For me to communicate how I’m feeling?”

“It’s too late for that Chan.”

“No, no it’s not, Y/n,” Chan takes both of your hands into his and looks you in the eyes, “I still love you.”

Chan watches as a tear drops down Y/n’s face, as she pulls her hands away, “I don’t think you understand how hurtful that was.”

“What?” Chan watches as she starts to stand up taking her drink, “Y/n –”

“Look, I wanted to say thank you for the ride and for the situation I was in with my boyfriend. I seemed –”

“Wait boyfriend?”

“Yes, please don't interrupt me.”

“You mean ex boyfriend?”

A bell rings saying that someone entered, making Y/n look over, Chan’s eyes following hers. 

A guy smiles and waves at her, and walks over to her, seeing Chan his face drops. 

“Hi Jaebum,” Chan hears you say softly to him before turning back to Chan, “Chan this is my boyfriend, Jaebum. Jaebum, this is my old friend… Chan. ”

“Hi we met briefly before, and I spoke with Y/n and I just wanted to apologize for my behavior.” Jaebum softly bows, “I’m really sorry, and thank you for taking care of her in that moment when it should’ve been me.” Jaebum looks at Chan.

Chan is silent, unsure of what to say, just looking at him.

“Jae, do you think you can wait in the car? I’ll be right out.” He nods before saying bye to Chan which Chan lazily waved back.

After Y/n sees Jaebum leave, she looks at Chan, “Look –”

“That guy is your boyfriend? Still?” 

“Chan don’t act like you know anything.”

“Do you love him?”

“You don’t get to ask that.”

“No, tell me right now,” he stands up, his figure leaning over you, “Tell me you love him.”

“You don’t deserve to know that.”

“Tell me you love him more than me.”

“Chan!” She looks at you in disbelief, “I-I have to go. I’m leaving. Goodbye.”

She leaves him quickly, leaving him standing next to his table, watching her as she walks out the doors.

author's note: im so so so so so sorry for taking so long to make a part 5. please forgive me college has been a huge bitch to me lately. thank you so much for your patience and i promise i will never take that long again to post an update on this story or any story without announcement 😔

[spiderpussinc]

You know your post about divorced Peter got me thinking. A lot. Then I realized that I, in fact, never thought about this much because from the beginning I just stay in my lane rather than judging people for divorcing Peter again. I think I am really too old to care that much about what people write especially if it end up limiting other out of moral obligation.

Basically it's dumb and you're right

Ur the most normal for this. Its incredibly fucking silly discourse to me bc Peter Parker *has* been divorced for pretty much two decades now. (Not even just divorced - the marriage was ERASED out of canon. they are just ex bf/gf.) MJ has her own share of past and present different partners! There are multiple universes where she is either *canonically* a lesbian, or implied to be coming to terms with it. Peter had countless girlfriends/hookups in the meantime! I think what gets me the most is how confidently wrong a lot of these assumptions are; I keep seeing this weird "one-and-only, first and last, soulmates.." thing applied to Peter and MJ and its like...

1. Peter dated multiple people before her AND after her; Gwen wasn't the first either, but for a long time, Gwen *WAS* the biggest regret of his life and they were meant to get married. Gwen was the one based on stan lee's wife, the closest thing to a planned soulmate; and she dies bc it's not meant to be. Not ever. There is no predetermined true spider-man love interest, you're just talking about some of the adaptations you've seen. This is one of the most debated superhero writing convos of all time LOL even Marvel editorial internally disagrees on this - everyone has their favorite. That's the point!

2. Divorce is based and awesome and maybe I'm just getting old but when a marriage doesn't work **having a child** certainly isn't the thing that's going to save it. I know how that one goes! Be prepared to crash even harder once the baby glow passes and the complex shit kicks right back in! To be honest it'd be even more realistic if it crashed again post-mayday, or if MJ divorced him bc she was already pregnant and wanted to do something better with her life instead of playing second fiddle to spider-man forever or being in peril to motivate his character arc.

But the thing that does annoy me is how entitled some ppl have become. Siding with actual homophobic redditors and posting up under gay fanart with the most annoying 'umm. hes married? the sanctity of marriage???' comments. who fuckin care. It's comics. It's all fanfic. Even the published stuff. Stream:

[iheartzgenya]

Enough for you.

Sanemi x F! Reader / Genya x F! Reader

TW: Violence, cheating on partner, suggestive themes, hurt reader. The reader (you) can read aura's, Happy ending.

Genya has grown a bit from his shyness of girls. He can speak to them now. It's just when they like hug him or touch him he gets a little nervous.

.

.

In this AU Genya is 20, Sanemi is 24 and you are 21 or 22 which ever one you prefer.

It was the week of our anniversary, I had already prepared the charade of gifts hidden inside a spare closet in our home.

Recently, Sanemi had been acting really off, distant. Well maybe not so recently.. it had been going on for weeks now! Maybe it was a mission that he had gone through that pissed him off.. but his last mission was a long time ago and he asked for a break to train his new tsugoku.. I met her, she seemed really nice! We had even planned a time to go out for a girls day, she had me invite Mitsuri and Shinobu, though.. Don't get me wrong I love them! But I know Shinobu wants to know who the girl is at first, Mitsuri too.

I carried the golden band of jewelry I bought Sanemi, I had been away on many missions so I could save up for this gift, it was pure gold and polished to perfection I knew it had caught his eye while we were out on mission one time. We had walked passed the store with the band of jewelry shining brightly in the side of there window.

His eyes beamed when he looked at it. I wondered why, but I got it regardless.

.

As I slide open the door to our home I saw Sanemi sitting quietly on a mat near the porch outside, I smiled. I'm finally home,

"I'm home Nemi!" I spoke but no reply.. did he not hear me?

I ignored it and went to our room and hid the last part of his gift inside the closet, now finally his present was fulfilled.. I walked back out.

"Sanemi?" No response. I started to get a bit angry.

I walked closer "Sanemi can you hea-"

"Where have you been." I paused at his harsh voice but answered anyway,

"Out. I've been out on missions you know this.."

He grit his teeth and stood up, his aura was dark.. I couldn't read it like I normally could.. What's wrong with him? I was normally used to his rudeness but it was different this time, something was wrong.

"Your always out, you have been for the past weeks! Why are you distancing yourself, What the hell did I do?" He started to yell, as did I.

"You didn't do anything, What are you on about this time.. I'm not trying to distance myself!"

As the yelling went on I could see what he was getting at, see. Sanemi had attachment issues all though he would never ever say it aloud he has problems when he gets closer with people he grows attached, said me.

He thought I was cheating on him..

.

.

"Quit the corps." I paused, excuse me?

"No. I don't get why your getting like this but I am not quitting the corps. Sanemi you should trust me, were dating after all?"

"Exactly, were dating! That doesn't mean anything! You could still use your place of work as an excuse to go on ahead and cheat on me! That's why you should quit! You know I can support both of us.."

I can't believe he would say that, discarding our relationship as it was nothing! Even if I was Cheating I could still cheat with or without work so what was the point! To keep me safe? I can handle myself, I'm not weak.

"I'm not quitting, my decision is final! Y'know what I'm going out I need air," I paused "away from you." I started to walk away from him, I could hear his heavy breathing even as I was walking away. He turned around and sat back down, I could tell he was annoyed.

.

.

I walked down the trail, looking up into the dark night. The stars were out and it was a beautiful full moon. Usually you couldn't see this from where Sanemi and me lived because of all the lights surrounding our home..

Sanemi.

I thought, maybe I should go back now. I think he just needed some time? I started to get a bad feeling pooling in my stomach, he still probably doesn't want to talk when we get back.

I thought back to the argument, that was the most we interacted in months.. he's been so distance, why the sudden change? The more I got consumed in my thoughts, the more I forgot about the trail Infront of me, the more I forgot about my surroundings.

Before I knew it I had collided right into someone. I almost fell to the ground before I felt there hands sturdy me. I shook my head and looked at the face that stared back into mine, great.. His brother. Genya's face dusted pink, he looked shock to see me out here this late. He placed his hands off of me and spoke,

"Y/n why are you out here so late? Is Nemi here too?" Genya looked around, but no sight of Sanemi.

"you shouldn't be out here. It's late and you don't even have your sword.." Genya stared at my waistband, noting I wasn't dressed in my uniform which explains that I didn't come from work.

Genya was roughly taller than his brother, he had scars as well maybe not as many as Sanemi but they still adorned his body. His hair was in a mohawk and was a dark jet black.

Completely opposite from Sanemi. Although their eyes were the same saying it was inevitable that they were brothers. Both had rough exteriors.

I dusted myself off, "Sorry for bumping into ya Gen. I wasn't watching where I was going. But I'm okay, no need to worry." I smiled slightly.

"Okay.. uhm, where's Sanemi shouldn't he be with you?"

Oh.. I looked up at him and rubbed my neck sheepishly. Should I tell him about the fight? I know he was his brother but Sanemi barely ever talked to him.. Whatever.

"Oh, uhm we had gotten into a fight.. I just needed some fresh air."

Genya frowned at that. He sighed, "I'm sorry about that.. is there anything I can do?" No there wasn't, it was already said and done..

"Not really.." I paused "But it's fine it was just a little fight, he'll get over it." Is what I told him. I was telling it to myself too. It didn't seem 'little'.

This was probably the longest conversation I've ever had with Genya.. We've never really talked that much, only a couple "Hello"(s) or "How was your day?"

Genya stood there but then he perked his head up at an idea.

"It's impolite to leave you here out in the dark.." he cleared his throat, "So how about I walked you home?.. I mean Nemi probably wouldn't like it if I left you here.." Genya rambled on trying to justify his statement to walk me home, I let out a chuckle. Genya paused.

"Wait, are you laughing at me?" He blushed embarrassed..

I smiled, "Genya, it would be my honor for you to walk me home.." I teased.

"oh shut up." Genya shoed me away but I just kept teasing him. Eventually I stopped and we started to walk to my place talking along the way. We both rambled and listened. It was actually an eventful day.. or night. Genya turned out to be a lot nicer than I expected him to be. Being born from a naturally hot headed family and all.

.

We made it too my door, I looked back at Genya.. it was super late. I knew Sanemi wouldn't like Genya here but I don't want him to be walking back this late.

"Hey, how about you spend the night?.. We have a guest room!" Genya's eyes widened,

"are you sure it wouldn't cause any problems?.. I wouldn't want to cause anything between you and my brother."

I smiled, "Of course not. I'm sure Sanemi wouldn't mind." Genya nodded at that and we entered my house.

It was dark inside, and absolutely silent, expect for the music booming from Sanemi and mines room. What was he on about? Maybe he's just taking a shower he usually booms music during that.

"Hey, I'm gonna go see Sanemi and talk it out.. uhm the guest room is that way" I pointed towards the hallway besides our kitchen. Genya nodded.

"let me know if you need anything."

Genya nodded, "Goodnight, y/n"

I smiled, "Goodnight, Gen."

I walked towards our room the music growing louder and louder, then I started to hear werid noises it sounded like someone was struggling.. What the hell? Is Sanemi ok?! I burst into the room only too see a scene that made me freeze.. it all happened so fast..

Sanemi was on top of his Tsugoku, kissing her I watched at his tongue explored her mouth as he humped himself against her.. she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back like I used too..

"What.. what the Fuck?" My fists grew into balls.

Sanemi freezes and he quickly pushes himself off his Tsugoku. He wipes his mouth that was eagerly stained with lipstick. His Tsugoku layed against the wall panting.. he surely took her breath away.. jealously bubbled inside me, is this why he had been distancing himself? Of course it was.. I was just to stupid to even notice anything.

"Babe.. it's not what-" my eyes well up, how could he do this. He swore he would never become like his old man, getting into fights with me, cheating on his partner.

His Tsugoku licks her lips, her face red with blush. I can feel my stomach practically rolling at the scene unfolding before me.

"I was only gone for a few hours!! And I see you all pent up against your Tsugoku! God knows what the hell her name is?! What is wrong with you!" I screamed at him.

"Rin." His Tsugoku spoke.. "my name is Rin." That's right, I forgot her name was Rin, Rin Gamaki. But I don't even give a fuck. I could care less.

I turned to her, "I could care less what your fucking name is. You knew, but you still went for my boyfriend like he was yours all along. Your just another tramp. Shinobu was right -"

"Don't. Don't fucking pull that shit." Sanemi says sternly. His gaze fixated on me, his face was hard and gave me a look of hatred.

"Couldn't you have taken a fucking hint. I didn't need you. I don't fucking need you. I haven't been talking to you, to let you down slowly.. but it seems your still so fucking oblivious to even notice!"

I shouted back at him, he didn't just stop there and before I knew it I was crying, a lot. Sanemi always made this stupid promise to never hurt me. Some empty oath that was to him. It didn't mean anything anymore.

Sanemi continued to spew insults like it was just words bouncing off his tongue, it wasn't even like he knew me. Like I was just a stranger to him.

I felt someone step Infront of me, there aura felt warm, inviting.. I looked up to see Genya. His hand faltered Infront of me, he stood in a protective stance. Sanemi suddenly went quiet..

"That's enough.." Genya paused.. "You don't speak to her like that, like she was nothing too you. That's horrible and honestly your acting just like..-" Genya stopped himself from going any further.

"just like what?" Sanemi sounded weak just for a second. He knew what Genya ment. As did I.

Genya didn't let the words fall from his tongue like I had, 'our father' is what he was thinking, what we were all thinking. He spoke again,

"Who even are you. The Sanemi I knew wouldn't do this shit. The Sanemi I knew swore he wouldn't even think of this."

"Don't act like you Fucking know me. You were barely even there. Where did you even come from, Or did y/n invite you in because she was bored of me too?"

..

That's when I spoke up too,

"you wanna know where I've fucking been. I'll tell you where I've fucking been." I walked over to the spare closet in our bedroom and slammed it open and with one swift move I used my arm and slid all the gifts out. Sanemi watched,

"I've been out working. Working so we could have a good anniversary. Working so you could have some new things because you always are breaking them while fighting. Or fucking because obviously that's why you've been gone. Or what your doing while I'm gone."

Sanemi stood in place, his eyes landed on the Golden band on the ground. The band that reminded him of his mother's golden earrings. His lip trembled. That jewelry was the exact brand his mother used as well..

Genya's face showed a feeling of sympathy. He knew I was working hard, I told him on the way here.

Genya frowned and walked towards me pulling me away from the scene, I walked solemnly next to him, tears still flowing from my eyes.

As I walked away I saw Sanemi's act falter staring at the gifts on the ground. It means nothing now, so why does he even care their meaningless if the person who gave them to you doesn't mean anything to you. I'm just another woman after all. That's all I meant to him.

.

.

.

A few months later.. (5 months)

.

.

I had started to live with Genya, he didn't mind at all, at least that's what he told me. I hope he doesn't mind. I take care of the place though, I clean, cook and take care of everything. I might as well show my gratitude..

But everything felt so, werid. He was Sanemi's brother after all.. the man whom cheated on me. Genya said that he didn't care if he was related to him I still deserved someone's help, whether that be him or someone else.

I actually haven't seen Genya talk to Sanemi at all. I have been ignoring him since the incident and from what I've heard, he's falling apart.. Good. I felt bad of course but a little part of me knew he deserved it. He was falling behind in work and his Tsugoku was still as needy as ever. God, I hate her so much she's such a pain in my ass.

I mean you would think that she would at least be a decent person and leave you alone. But no, she was always bitter and acted like she was better because Sanemi chose her. I didn't care, it's what I'll always tell myself. It's been months since then, I wanted to be over it. But no matter how hard I try I always circle back to the same memory.. At least Genya was there, he always was..

Everytime I came home sad or upset he'll somehow always be there, even when he was on missions! I would get letters,

"Are you alright Y/n?"

"Just checking in"

"I'll be home soon don't worry."

He always looked out for me since then, he was a very sweet man. Opposite from his brother, he hasn't touched a girl in his life, it was a bit comical but I wouldn't mind being that first girl for him.

Maybe 3 months after that incident.. I started to have feelings for him, he was always there.. like I said. He was a sweet person after all. I wished he had feelings for me but I just have never seen it, it hurt. But I think I could live with being just friends with him, it was enough.

Currently, I had just gotten home from a mission. Genya and I were sending letter's back and forth no wonder this mission took forever I was just so distracted. My face heated up thinking about him. God what kind of person am I falling for my ex boyfriends brother.. is that bad? It sounds bad.

I sighed, walking through the door I quickly take my shoes off. I'm so tired, and dirty.. I definitely need a bath.. I ran my hands through my hair,

"Y/n? Your home?" I heard that sweet voice I quickly walked in the direction of it.

"Genya?.. You're off your mission too? I thought you said in your letter that it would take a few more days.."

Genya smiled, noting that I had remembered that detail.

"Ah, well my mission came to an end quickly actually.. I thought it would take longer.. that demon was rather hard to catch." He chuckled lightly.

I smiled and mended my hands together in front of me, "Well I'm glad it's over. I heard it was a higher ranked mission. I was a bit worried.. Are you hurt at all?"

He perked his head up at that and shook his head, "No, just a little bit on my shoulder.. I kinda got thrown into a wall.." he spoke a bit embarrassed.

I laughed, "well.. I'm glad your alright hm?"

"Yea!.."

Slience lingered a bit, of course it wasn't that awkward type of slience it was that type that was oddly comforting in a way.. I started to walk to the bedroom when I heard his voice.

"And what about you?" He paused. "Are you hurt?.." I watched as his hand rubbed his neck nervously.

I smiled again, "I'm alright, thanks for asking Gen." I walked into the bedroom and shut the door behind me.

.

.

I changed into more comfortable clothes, I took a deep breath. I am so glad to be out of those dirty clothes. I felt so gross.. that battle practically drenched me in sweat. I'm glad that bath was enjoyable at least..

I got ready to approach the door and open it but I stopped when I heard someone humming.. Genya was still up? I thought he would be asleep by now.. He's always up early in the morning..

I smiled faintly when I heard the melody he was humming. I hummed a bit too, just in a different room.. it was the melody I used to always hum when I was concentrated or doing something.. I can't believe he memorized it.. I let out a quiet laugh. Before I walked out I thought for a few minutes.. during these passed months he was always so sweet to me unlike his brother and he never once tried to start a fight with me before talking it out.. Why do things have to be so one sided? Maybe he did like me and I was just oblivious.. I blushed lightly and shook my head trying to rid of those thoughts and act naturally.

I walked out of the room and saw Genya sitting in the outside porch.. he was gazing up at the night sky.. looking at the stars..

It was pretty outside.. he looked so lost in thought that he didn't even realize I sat next to him.. The sky was faded into dark purple and blue hues as the stars and the crescent moon was the only source of light..

"Whatcha thinking about?"

Genya snapped out of thought as he heard me speak..

"Oh! Nothing.. just things.."

"That was very descriptive.." I joked lightly.

He let out a laugh and smiled, "Do you remember when we first met?" There was a period of silence before I spoke,

"Yes. It was a night just like this wasn't it? Now that I'm thinking about it.. a lot of the days or nights I've talked to you it always looked the same.." I paused "I guess things never change."

"Yea.." he seemed nervous.. he fumbled with his hands as he thought about what to say next..

"I have to tell you something Y/n.." he sighed softly as he built up some courage.. He sat up and looked at me his eyes showing a hint of bravery, just as he opened his mouth to speak, we heard banging on the door.

I jumped at the sound, it was 11PM at night who could possibly be banging on the door at this time of night.. Genya was startled too,

"Hold on let me get that.." Genya gets up and approached the door. Just as he was about to open it I heard the voice that I never wanted to really hear ever again..

"Genya?.. Can we talk please..?" It was a gruffy, deep voice that belonged to Sanemi.. Never in a thousand years would I believe that Sanemi came to Genya for help..

Genya froze at that voice, it seems he didn't think that Sanemi would talk to him ever again either.. he looked back at me and I quickly went into another room.. Nobody knew that I lived with Genya, especially Sanemi because we didn't know what reaction we would get out of him.. I heard the door open.. I leaned against the closed door of the room I was in silently listening in.

"Nemi? What are you doing here?.." Genya asked. I could tell from his tone that he was nervous..

"Didn't you hear what I said outside the door? I just want to talk.." he sighed.

"Right.." there was a pause.. "about what?.."

I could almost sense the frown that was inflicted upon Sanemi's face. I heard another deep exhale,

"Shit, I don't know what's wrong for wanting to talk to someone. I can't talk to Rin because it's like she doesn't give a shit about my problems."

Another pause of slience occured..

"and whose fault is that.. you did leave Y/n for her y'know.." Genya said barely above a whisper..

"I know! I know that.. Listen I didn't come here to hear your bitch attitude, I came here because your one of the only people that knows what happened that day and y/n won't talk to me.."

Oh I wonder why, asshole. I rolled my eyes.

"Well you did cheat on her.. if someone cheated on me I wouldn't want to talk to them either.. you need to take in her point of view too."

I heard rough steps roam throughout the home,

"weren't you going to marry her or something? What even happened to that.."

I looked down at the ground a bit in shock and sadness.. he was going to marry me? My fists clenched together..

"it's not like it even fucking matters now.. she hates me"

"No shit." Genya joked with some bitterness in his tone. I could tell he was still mad at Sanemi for doing such a thing in the first place.

Suddenly I felt the atmosphere change.. and the tension become almost suffocating.. I could hear clattering in the kitchen almost in a hurry,

"Wait!" Genya yelled.

I heard stomps collect to the porch and that's when I realized the most vital thing that I left out there.

My blade. My nichirin blade.. That's what Genya yelled about.. he yelled so he wouldn't see it.. but he did.

Slience in the air lingered like a band of tension waiting to snap. Until it did,

"What the fuck is this?" Sanemi paused, "This is Y/n's blade. Is.. is she here right now?"

Genya didn't speak I just heard his breathing..

"Listen she just needed somewhere to stay and-" Genya tried to finish before Sanemi interrupted him..

"She has money you idiot! Is this what she wanted? To stay with my brother so she could get back at me?" His tone was aggressive and rough

"No, no you have it all wrong-"

"I don't want to fucking hear it where is she?"

I stayed quiet in the bedroom.. I didn't want their relationship ruined more than it already has been.. it meant a lot to Genya to have his brother back.. sure he cared for me but I think his family matters more he shouldn't throw it all away for me.

I grabbed my things from the drawers and closet.. stuffing them into one big duffle bag that was under I heard footsteps storming towards this room.. I tried to pack faster that was until the door barged open.. hoping it was Genya I turned around..

But if course it was Sanemi.. he stared at me. Frozen in place, looking at the things I had stuffed in a duffle bag.. my messy attire consisting of the pajamas I usually only wore around Sanemi but now I was wearing around Genya..

I stared back at him, I stared at the vein that was twisting out of his forehead.. I stared at the veins trailing up his neck.. his hand fell from the door as he matched towards me.. Genya came in the room,

"Nemi Listen!" Genya yelled. But it was too late Sanemi was staring directly in my eyes our noses almost touching.. his eyes wider than before twitching with blind rage..

His voice was cold and stern, it felt like I was being filled with anxiety..

"Is this what you wanted? To make me mad? To get with my brother so you can have your revenge or whatever the hell you wanted from him or me?" I backed up and shook my head.

"You have it all wrong, Genya and I are just-"

"Friends? Yea okay like I'll believe that shit. Genya done ratted you out as soon as I saw your blade.."

Genya took his shoulder trying to get him to back away from me, Sanemi pushed him away into a nearby wall..

"Get off me. This is between me and her you have no right in this." Sanemi stared back at Genya..

Genya clutched his fists and looked at Sanemi back,

"I think I have a right to know what's gonna happen. I was there the night you cheated on her and I've been with her ever since."

Sanemi's eyes widened and he quickly turned towards Genya,

"You what? Has she been living with you this entire time?!" Sanemi Yelled. Genya looked at me and I nodded I took my chance and grabbed my things quickly making my way to the living room until Sanemi left Genya and stepped in front of me as soon as I made it close to the porch.

"Sanemi we have been broken up for months why do you still care?" I asked.. it's true why did he still care? Even if he thinks he still loves me I don't think I love him. Not anymore.. him coming after me like this was not like him at all.. I thought he was over this.

Genya walked out to the two of us, rubbing his shoulder tenderly I guess Sanemi pushed him into the wall pretty hard..

"She's Right. Why do you still want her? You have Rin.." Genya muttered..

"Because I regret what I did. Jesus fucking Christ I was sorry okay? I didn't realize what I had lost before I had lost it." Sanemi's voice shook as he stepped back.. He sighed and rubbed his face.

"But you getting with Genya was a whole different level of selfishness.. I know I'm a dick. But at least I wouldn't consider doing that."

"oh but it's fine to consider cheating on me after one argument right?" I talked back.

"Because like that wasn't selfish." Sanemi stared at me and furrowed his brow.

"Shut your damn mouth."

Genya walked next to me to ask if I was alright but Sanemi got even more furious after that,

"So your gonna choose her? Over your own fucking blood?" Sanemi clutched his fists..

Slience lingered.. Genya ignored him trying to focus on me.. I could tell it hurt him what Sanemi said.. He froze up for a second before trying to aid to me..

I looked at Sanemi,

"Listen leave Genya out of this you said he shouldn't be in an-" I was cut off by Sanemi throwing a vase at the wall.. I saw it shatter against the wall and shards fly everywhere.. my body covered Genya's and I had a large shard of glass slide against my skin.. cutting it open, blood leaked from my wound.

Genya's eyes widened.. and Sanemi stayed in place shocked that he hurt me.

I could see the anger in his eyes quickly dial down but he still said nothing...

Genya looked over at him, "Get out." Sanemi looked at Genya and spoke, "I didn't mean to I thought-"

"Get out right now Sanemi." Sanemi just looked down disappointed in himself and barged out the door slamming it behind him.

Genya quickly put his attention towards me.. "Fuck.. are you okay Y/n?" He stared at the wound his face twisting a bit in discomfort.

I winced feeling the sharp sting of the cut and Genya sighed he took my hand, blushing lightly to himself,

"Come with me I'll help.." I nodded also blushing a bit too..

Genya brought me to his bathroom making me sit in the edge of the toilet.. he quickly grabbed first aid and disinfectant..

"Hey, this is gonna sting a bit but I need to clean it.." Genya looked at me reassuringly "it'll be over in a second" he took a rag and gently wiped the blood that seeped from my cut and bit my lip..

"I'm sorry that happened.. I can't believe he did that."

Genya poured some disinfectant on the rag and lightly cleaned my wound, I winced. He looked up at me his eyes showing worry and concern as he continued to ramble,

"You alright?" He took the rag off after cleaning it and I nodded lightly.

He continued to take care of my wound carefully and gently as if he touched me too roughly I'd break.

"Don't think about what happened too much okay? I don't uhm need you worrying."

"And I know you still wonder sometimes if you were enough and, you are."

"it's Sanemi and y'know how he is.." Genya looked up at me for a response but I seemed zoned out.. I saw him blush and I raised my brow.. wondering what was making him so flustered.

"Y'know.." he started, I looked at him staring at his jet black mohawk.. and his eyes..

He bit his lip but he continued anyway..

"You deserve someone better Like.." he paused again..

I tilted my head.. I had a feeling what he was going to say and I wanted him to say It.. I started to develop feelings for him too and I was really hoping I wasn't wrong about what he wanted to say.. he finished wrapping my arm in white bandages,

"Like who?"

.

"Like me." He muttered.. His cheeks faded into a deep red as well as mine.. Oh my god so it wasn't one sided.. I was just oblivious! I smiled happily and spoke,

"Was that a confession?"

He looked down shyly..

"Uh, I guess so? Yea I uhm I like you." He looked like a shy child at that moment and I giggled lightly..

"I like you too." Genya looked up at me and his face was now a tomato "Say what? Wait can you say that again?.." he scratched the back of his head looking into my eyes anticipating hoping I would say it again..

"I like you too."

.

.

.

Idk this might've been a bit rushed but this was my first angst Imagine anyway I hope you guys like it!

[attonposting]

Okay, so Carth keeps coming up lately, both by people who love him and people who don't, and I thought I'd throw my two cents into the ring.

People complain that Carth is sexist, a lot. And I get where that's coming from, I've got the same issues with his romance as anyone else. I love the bones of Carth's character and remember him very fondly – he's tied for my favorite character from KotOR I, even! But the writing is... flawed, to say the least, and in a way that goes past just 'poorly aged.' I don't think his lines themselves ever go worse than awkward, but there's some more fundamentally unhealthy stuff written into his relationship that I suspect wasn't intentional.

What I find interesting, and what a meme just very succinctly pointed out, is that many of the same people who have beef with Carth are cool with Atton. Who is definitely the more sexist of the two, both incidentally and deliberately. And it's a really interesting differentiation between the two pilots/f!PC love interests/earlygame buddies, because I think their palatability comes entirely down to how the games portray that sexism. So this is my attempt to figure out why one thing works and the other kinda doesn't.

Carth Onasi is introduced as a stand-up guy. He stays behind as long as he possibly can to save other survivors on the Endar Spire; he believes in the Republic wholeheartedly, he serves to protect and approves when you do the same, and other characters sing his accolades. He's supposed to be wholesome, but with PTSD-related trust issues that cause friction between him and you.

Atton Rand is the opposite of that. You find him in a jail cell, he's untrustworthy and a cad, at any given moment he's either abrasive or lying through his teeth, he complains when you help people, and when you get to the bottom of his trust issues, you find out he's a worse guy than you ever could have imagined.

It's much too oversimplified to say that Carth is supposed to be a good person and Atton is not, that's not where the problem comes from, but it will become relevant later.

When Carth starts flirting with you... okay. The biggest, most obvious problem is that the game wants you to be into it. Carth flirts and continues to flirt after you can tell him to stop. Sure, whatever; that's not egregious. You can respond to Carth's flirting positively or negatively, and that's great... but when you do respond negatively, the game loves to pull you into these playful insult exchanges where your PC shouts and pouts while Carth taunts you. There's where the issues start. Even when the player is trying to shut him down, they get dragged along for the ride anyway, and the narrative decides that this is also romantic. Thus KotOR I only has a shallow understanding that it's presenting a situation a woman may want nothing to do with. It's kind of impressive that you can actually call Carth sexist in-game, and yet it doesn't feel like the game actually understands that he is in fact being sexist.

Actually, no. Maybe I'm reading too deep into this, maybe this is why I'm so forgiving to Carth as a character, but I don't think the problem is Carth, I think the problem is that the game is being sexist in this particular spot. I was more annoyed by my own return dialogue options than anything Carth said to me - especially the ones where I was being mean. It felt like f!Revan was being pigeonholed hard into the writer's idea of 'women', that it was not an especially flattering or nuanced view, and there wasn't anything that I actually wanted to say. Definitely the writer did not understand my perspective as a player – but that's not a problem unique to K1 and it's one even the sequel is super guilty of at times, so I'll move on for now.

When Atton makes skeevy remarks, you always have at least one dialogue option to call him out for it, and you cannot ever react positively to what he says. Either you smack him down or you ignore him. This is extremely important. Yes, you could argue that it's not as accommodating to how different players might react... but what this establishes is that the game is self-aware. It does not think what Atton is doing is in any way attractive, or that it should be interpreted positively. Instead it acknowledges what a lady's probable reaction to his unwanted advances would be and encourages the player to express it, and the way that's written isn't a playful back-and-forth, it's the Exile snapping at him and Atton backtracking. Atton's being a piece of shit, but instead of stirring up chemistry, the narrative goes out of its way to mete out karma – hence everyone else on the ship mocking him, or the comically topical details like him being an unwashed loser who smells terrible and scratches his junk in public. Whether you like Atton or not, the game wants you to know that it thinks he sucks, and you are never left feeling like there is an unsettled score.

On the contrary, this lack of self-awareness is what makes Carth's romance in K1 hard to swallow if you didn't start out receptive to it. When you can react negatively to Carth's comments, it doesn't feel like you can do so in an intelligent way. The tone is very “Ugh, MEN, amirite” rather than “I don't like the turn this conversation has taken and would like to just be your colleague again” or just “Stop.” - which is probably what you wanted to say if you were just platonically enjoying or less-amicably bickering with your dorito-jacket companion when the gorgeouses started coming out of left field.

Worse, when you actually can shut Carth's romance down, it involves being a dick to him and stomping hard on his personal issues. Like I'd understand if a player was angry with him at this point, because again, you've been forced into a romance arc even when you were telling the game no as much as it would let you - but there's a huge difference between wanting to tell a guy to back off and wanting to shit on his dead wife or his Sith kid or his blown-up planet. I dunno, I'm not that vindictive! I think there's only a couple of options at the very end of his romance tree where you can turn him down... not even amicably, it's still rude, just without being a Grade-A asshole, and by that point, you have been through a lot of flirting you presumably didn't want to be involved with. Generally, the game won't let you break things off with him without being a dick, even if you never agreed to board that train in the first place. Now loop back to the way that K1 unfailingly portrays Carth as a great guy, whose flaws have nothing to do with his upstanding sense of morality, and there's where the dissonance comes from. Not only does the game push you into his romance after you said no, it makes you the bad guy for trying to get out of what he initiated.

But there's another issue in the timing of the Carth relationship. He starts his flirting while he's expressing intense distrust and standoffishness with your PC. With Carth's nonstop skepticism about your trustworthiness, and constantly bringing up his issues with you... at least during Taris and Dantooine, it comes off more like his attraction to you is superficial and not as a result of him growing to like you, something that's pushed by how it's always focused on shallow hooks like your appearance or your 'cute' attitude. It's very awkward. I do not think this was the writer's intent. I think Carth's supposed to be captivated by what he's seen you do, and that's just going in recursive loops in his paranoid little brain and making things harder for him. By the end of the romance, it's extremely clear that Carth's into you for you. But it's clumsily handled at the start.

Contrast this with Atton, who starts off aggressively sexist towards a female Exile, fifty times more offensive than anything Carth ever does. Literally the first line he gets is leering at the PC's forced state of undress, mocking her vulnerability, and he continues in that vein for much of Peragus. He creeps on your nudity at least four times off the top of my head, he ogles you, he complains about women, he tries to hit on you, he even contemplates the possibility of Sexy Kreia (which is a level of dickery I can scarcely comprehend.)

But that tapers off and disappears around the time he starts showing actual romantic interest in your PC, like when Kreia threatens him and it's revealed how much your opinion matters to him, or when he asks Bao-Dur for advice. And a female PC never sees it again. This creates the opposite impression – that Atton's attraction is a result of your time together. Sure, he's still a pig, but it follows that he wasn't making serious passes at you on Peragus because his behavior now that he is actually interested in you has changed. And it implies that in an actual relationship, that would not be how he'd view or treat you, which I think is crucial for how willing people are to ship Atton with their Exiles.

Now, this is all a product of how K2 did not actually answer that question and let you romance Atton, because with Carth, it's the opposite and you see exactly how he behaves once he gets into a serious relationship. It involves spanking. Things could be very different if K2 actually had fleshed out romances. It's hard to say, because both the PC and the crew were very thoughtfully written (I will take a bold step here and say that K2's characters were on the whole written much better than K1's), but on the other hand, Atton is still the worst and I'm pretty sure the game would want to remind you of that if you agreed to play tonsil hockey with him. And it may have crashed into the same pitfall that Carth's did; if the game railroaded your interactions with Atton up to some point, it'd leave a bad taste in anyone's mouth who wasn't already signed up for the ship.

With the way things are, Atton not only gets a free pass to be interpreted as generously as his fans want and easily ignored by those who weren't keen on him, he even gets an interest boost from this because people will always want what they can't have.

Anyway. With a male PC, you'll continue to see Atton make sexist remarks towards other female characters and can even have a wingman chat with him that is entirely him projecting his issues all over women. He doesn't make these comments with a female PC, suggesting that he's on his best behavior... but that he'd still totally be a leering asshole if he wasn't trying to impress you. With a male PC and Carth, his sexism is nonexistent, again probably because he was never intended to be sexist and it's a product of clumsy/oblivious writing.

There's an additional layer with Atton and the question of how much anything he does is an act, but that doesn't exonerate him from any of the crap he says. I could write a separate essay on Atton and his relationship with women, but the guy is very much a womanizer who's terrified of the idea of intimacy and has a lot of shitty opinions that stem from his defensive need to believe that nothing emotional is ever real or relevant to him. He might've been casing the Exile on Peragus, but his chauvinism is genuine.

But I digress. The tl,dr; is that Atton acts less sucky the more he crushes on you and Carth acts more. Combo that with how their respective games make Atton pay for being creepy but give the strong impression they want you to go along with Carth's nonsense, and it's a little less mystifying why Carth gets so little benefit of the doubt while the King of Trash enjoys fandom sexyman status. His romance is almost predicated on the fact that he's a scumbag, where Carth's is very confused to whether the awkward parts should exist or not.

There's a bit more that kinda hurts Carth. The flirting... well, from what I remember it just got “wow, okay then” later on, and I found it way more silly than offensive in any way, but him repeatedly bringing up how you remind him of his dead wife doesn't help the relationship much and suggests that Carth may be projecting someone else over you. I can live with that, drama's tasty and it doesn't prevent a real connection from burgeoning. You can make the exact same argument for Atton anyway, and I think his is way worse. My major issue is at the end of the game. Mr. Trust Issues does not react well to the events on the Leviathan, when it turns out he was right to have kept an eye on the PC all along. It's great payoff! And I absolutely adore his discussion after that, when he admits his struggles to reconcile you and Revan, how he tried but he can't hate you, how helping you gave him something real when revenge only left him hollow. Seriously, for all the shade it gets, there's some really great stuff in his romance too - you just have to stick it out long enough to see it. But then, on Rakata Prime, Carth seems to reconcile his crisis of faith and finally, wholeheartedly decide to love you in a way that falls flat on its face. He confirms you're a good person because you're not Revan anymore, like Revan is some purely evil part of you you've now cast off, when... that really seems more like denial than anything else, and not the foundation for anything healthy.

Seriously, I wish they'd handled that with more nuance. It would have counted for so much in my books.

All of that said. I know I just went after the man like a vending machine with a stuck bottle of chocolate milk, but I think the sexist vibes in Carth's romance are worst at the start and that he does not deserve the sheer amount of flack he gets. I've seen far worse offenders in the world of video game romances, and this might drive some controversy in and of itself, but I vastly prefer Carth x f!Revan to Bastila x m!Revan. There's a whole 'nother pile of issues in K1's other official ship (f in chat for Juhani), and I think those are much harder to deal with than the ones here. If anything frustrates me with Carth's romance, it's how unnecessary all of the bullshit is. I really want to get into it! The concept is perfectly fine! I love the character! There's good stuff in there! And when I replay KotOR, it's not that difficult to close my eyes to the bleh parts and enjoy the rest, especially once the first couple of conversations are past. Again, all Carth needed was a more conscientious writer at the wheel.

I'd be really interested in hearing other people's takes, both on how they interacted with either of those romances or where their interpretations differed from mine. I only have my own perspective and that of a few people I've talked to over the years, and I'm given to understand this is something of a fandom hot topic!

[gachawolfiebloom]

Two Hearts In The City of Love

Chapter 1: Summer Destination

Tags: Love, Love Confession, Romance

"MAARRRIIOOOOOO HEEELLLLPPPP!!!"

Luigi burst through the door of his house to find his brother, casually eating spaghetti at the table. He looked up from his favorite food with an annoyed expression. "What do you want Luigi!? Can't you see Mario is busy right now!?" Luigi tackled Mario and began shaking him while yelling "I GOT FIRED FROM MY JOB! PLEASE HELP!"

Mario didn't see what the problem was. "Pfff, what does Luigi need a job for? Stay home and be a bum like Mario!" He struck a cool pose and put sunglasses on before Luigi nervously walked past him. "You don't understand Mario! That job was supposed to cover our life savings. If I can't find another one..."

He opened a closet that was supposed to hold coins and bags of money in it, but only cobwebs and dust was inside. "Then we might be EVICTED!" Mario squinted his eyes and raised a hand up to his chin as he peeked inside the closet. "Mario thought he saw some money in here yesterday..." Luigi sighed and told him "Don't you remember what happened yesterday?"

~Flashback~

Mario was taking a walk through Mushroom City, but looked incredibly exhausted. He panted and croaked out "Mario's so hungry..." He then spotted a spaghetti truck that was delivering to the Fresh Spaghetti Tubbie factory. His eyes lit up and was determined to give chase to that truck so he ran into the road and punched a driver out of his car. He then proceeded to run a red light, go over the speed limit, and when Frankie was crossing the street, the last thing he heard was the honking of a horn before Mario ran him over.

The truck driver was going on his merry way, until Mario drove out in front of him. "AHHH!" The driver slammed the breaks, but it was too late. Mario hopped out of the car at the last second and danced while the two flaming vehicles behind him were sizzling in smoke. He opened the storage compartment and...

"WHAT!? JUST TUBBIE CUSTARD! THIS IS BULLCRAP! WHERE'S MARIO'S SPAGHETTI!?"

Just then police sirens flared and several officers came out of the cars. "STAWP RIGHT THERE!" A few hours later, Luigi enters the police station and waves to the receptionist. "Hello Luigi! Here to bail out your brother again?" He sighed and nodded. "How much?"

"All of your life savings."

~Present Time~

"Ooooo right." Luigi took a deep breath and looked his brother straight in the eye. "I can't keep bailing you out all the time. We need to find me a job and find you a way to stay out of trouble." The two boys tried to think of a solution until Mario was about to say something. "Mario, if this has anything to do with Spaghetti or your deals with Bob, I don't think that's gonna work."

Just then the TV in their living room started playing static and then a weird ad started to play. It described that there was a lottery going on and the winners would be announced tomorrow. Mario seemed convinced, but Luigi had his suspicions. "This doesn't sound right Mario...are we sure that this isn't a scam or something?" Mario brushed it off and convinced him "Relax Luigi! You wanted money right?"

"Yes, but-"

"THEN LETS-A GO!"

He grabbed Luigi and sped off to a store where the commercial said the lottery was being held. The two boys went to the counter when a familiar ally waved to them. "Shroomy?" The two said in unison. "Well golly gee! Hello boys!"

"You run the lottery?" He nodded and handed them a ticket. "There you go! We'll announce the winner tomorrow afternoon!" Luigi took the ticket and saw that their number was lucky 21, one of the digits that was considered to be good luck by superstitions. "O-o-okay thanks." He gave Shroomy a few remaining dollars and the two them headed back home and awaited the drawing of the winning ticket.

~The Next Day~

Mario was vibrating in excitement on the couch while Luigi held tightly onto the ticket. The suspense led up as the announcer said "And the winner is...LUCKY NUMBER 21!" Both men gasped as they looked down at the ticket and sure enough, it was their's. "YIPPEE!" Mario cheered while Luigi stood in awe. "Wow! We did it. I wonder how much money we won."

"Congratulations number 21! You win 8 tickets to Paris, France!" Mario stopped celebrating and Luigi's eyes widened. "WAT!" Mario ran up to the TV and shook it. "YOU STINKY ANNOUNCER! MARIO THOUGHT HE WAS WINNING INFINITE SPAGHETTI! MARIO WANTS A REFUND!" Luigi was lost in thought with what to do with this until he cried out "Mario wait!"

"What? Mario wants his money back!" Luigi placed a hand on his shoulder and said "This might not be a bad thing. It could actually be great for all of us!" Mario's brain caught on fire because he couldn't understand the nonsense from Luigi's mouth. "We could invite our friends to come with us on a vacation! I could look for a job and there's plenty to do there so you stay out of trouble."

Mario actually did like the idea of a vacation. Last year's was definitely not as relaxing considering they had been trapped in a western simulation. There was just one last thing to convince him. "Will there be spaghetti?" Luigi smiled and said "I'm sure we could find something." That was enough for the fat Italian to hear. He gave his brother a thumbs up and replied "Okey dokey!" Luigi couldn't wait to show the tickets to their friends. "I'm sure they'll love the idea!"

"YOU WANT US TO DO WHAT!?"

All of the crew had came over to Smg4's castle and were sitting on the couch in the game room. Turns out, they weren't as impressed with the tickets as much as Luigi hoped for. "Isn't Paris really far?" Meggy asked. "And very crowded?" Tari also added. "Well yes, but I thought a vacation would benefit us all."

"Benefit us? Remember how beneficial our last vacation was?" Three shot back. Just the thought of it made Meggy shutter. "Mario promises it won't be anything like that! You're onboard right Smg4?"

Four looked up from his computer and made a wincing face at his best friend. "I don't know Mario. We're all a bit busy right now." Mario was not going to miss out on his spaghetti so he slid down to Four's feet and put on his best puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeaaasseeee Smg4! You never hang out with Mario anymore." He began tugging on his overalls and crying all over the floor. The whole ordeal was making Four uncomfortable.

Luigi pulled out a pamphlet that he had gotten with the tickets. "There's many things to do there like a GameStop store, Olympic Games on July 26, Casinos, and many historic sights." Once Luigi mentioned casinos, Bob didn't even think twice. "HELL YEAH! I'M GOING TO GO PACK RIGHT NOW!" Tari did think that a gaming store would be pretty interesting. "That does sound cool. What do you think Meggy?" She stood up and said "Well Wren has already been defeated and I have been wanting to go see the Olympics in person."

Tari squeezed Meggy's hand as if to tell her not to worry about Wren. Meggy offered a small smile in return and said "Count us in Luigi!" Boopkins wasn't sure himself, but he did like spending time with his friends. He tugged on Luigi gently and asked him "Will there be anything on anime?"

"I guess?" Boopkins cheered and pulled out his body pillows. "Did you hear that girls? We're going to Paris!" Mario rolled around on the ground and cried "You don't want to hang out with Mario or let him have spaghetti!"

"It's not that. I just..." Four sighed and rubbed his temples. "Fine Mario. I'll come. Just please stop acting like a 5 year old." Mario immediately sprung up and hugged his best friend. "Thank you Smg4!"

Four looked up and saw Three, crossing his arms and pretending not to care. "So what about you Three? You in?" He sneered and said "NO! I HAVE WORK TO DO AT THE CAFE!" Luigi showed him the tickets and said "But there's 8 tickets."

"Then get one of these chicks to go with you!" He pointed behind him, where Saiko was practicing her guitar and Melony was taking a nap. Saiko looked up and shook her head. "Me and Kaizo are practicing for our upcoming show and I think she's going to be out for a while." Melony surely was a heavy sleeper.

"Then find somebody else Luigi!" Three was about to leave when Mario tried the same schtick that he had with Four. He clung tight to Three's overalls and would not let go. "What the hell!? Get off me idiot!" He tried to shake Mario off, but it was very ineffective. "Pleeeeeeaaaaasssseee Smg3? It won't be the same without you!" Three tried pulling him off with no success.

"FINE! Just let go!" Mario instantly threw himself around Three, except he wasn't as much of a hugger as Four was. "Personal space Mario!" Luigi looked at the tickets and said "Alright well it says that our flight is at 8:00 AM tomorrow morning so we all have to wake up early."

Everyone was advised to start packing and go to sleep early so they would be ready to go. As they all left the room, Meggy and Tari chatted about what they were going to do there, Bob bragged to Boopkins about all the loot he was going to earn, and the brothers were figuring out the arrangements for where to stay and what to sign up for. "Don't forget the all you can eat Spaghetti buffet!"

"I'm...not sure they have that." Mario then noticed the two boys and rushed up to them. "This is so exciting for you two!" They both had confused glances on their faces. "Why's that?" Mario explained "Because Paris is the most romantic city in the world!" His face changed into a smug grin and said "Mario can't wait to see Smg4 and Smg3 wooing over each other!"

They both blushed and Three shot back "NO WERE NOT!" Four flustered backed him up by saying "Right! This is just a vacation amongst friends. Nothing else." Mario wasn't buying it. "Surreee." Luigi called out for him and he said goodbye. He loved seeing the two develop feelings with each other over the years, but they never admitted it to one another. "Maybe Mario could help set up a date for the two." As he walked back home, he figured that he could try helping the two confess while they were up there.

Four could tell that Three was still pretty red so he tried to help. "Sorry about him. I don't know why he does that." Three muttered "Uh huh." The two stood in silence till Four spoke up. "Well I guess I've got to get ready. See you tomorrow? He gave a patient smile to Three which made him even more flustered. "Whatever..." He covered his face with his hand and left before his cheeks became more hotter.

Three had went back to managing his cafe and once it was closing time, he put up a sign that said the cafe was going on break. He didn't want to do it, but thanks to that stupid Italian's efforts and that cute annoying smile of Four's, he had no choice. Before bed, he made sure to call Karen to dog-sit Eggdog and pack for the trip.

Four was not so focused on the trip. He said he was going to get ready, but instead he got sidetracked and went back to making videos. All he had remembered to do was take out a suitcase. By the time he was finished, he looked at the clock and was certainly not expecting this time. "12:00!" It was very late and he hadn't even started packing. He sighed and it seemed that the best course of action was waking up early so he could pack before everybody else got here.

He set an alarm on his phone and got into bed. Actually confessing to Three in Paris. The idea made him laugh. Sounded like a cheesy movie type thing. Besides, he didn't really like Three like that...did he? The idea wandered in his mind for a while before his eyelids gave out and he slowly drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 2: Another Crazy Plane Trip