#prepare for pictures

[waldwassers-art]

14 - Tea Cup

[mylordshesacactus]

So my family has a Gay Pirate Plate.

Stay with me.

We do not know how the hell the Gay Pirate Plate was first acquired. This being a point of contention is actually pretty plot-relevant; the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate began with my grandmother and her sister, who, for some ungodly reason, both BADLY wanted the Gay Pirate Plate and believed it to be rightfully theirs.

I should back up, firstly, to establish: The Gay Pirate Plate is the cheapest, tackiest, ugliest plate in existence.

It is in no way a collector’s item. It is physically impossible for it to complement anyone’s decor, because the colors in it are garish. It’s just a ceramic plate with a gay pirate painted on it, and the painting is, this cannot be emphasized enough, extremely bad.

(How do we know the pirate is gay if he’s just posing on a plate? Listen. Fully 100% to stereotype, but he is. He is gay. There’s an energy. That pirate is a flaming homosexual. That pirate has sex with men and does it frequently. That pirate is fucking gay, all right, he just is.)

Anyway. The point is that this is an extremely cheap and ugly plate with a poorly-executed painting of pirate on it who is like a nine on the Kinsey scale.

My grandmother and her sister fought a blood feud over this plate for their entire lives. It would be on the wall in my grandma’s house, and then her sister would visit, and then it would be gone. She’d visit her sister and the plate would be on the wall and her sister would pretend it had always been there. She would steal it back, hang it up, and, when her sister visited, pretend it had always been there. This continued for DECADES.

When the sister died, the Gay Pirate Plate lived triumphantly in my grandmother’s house. And then my grandmother died. And my aunt, who had lived with her and been her carer throughout her life, rightfully inherited their house.

We visit my aunt after the funeral and stay with her for a week or two.

Me, my sister, and our dad. Her brother.

The three of us look at each other. We don’t say anything. We studiously avoid making eye contact with the Gay Pirate Plate mounted proud and ugly on the wall. We notice one another studiously avoiding looking at it. We notice one another noticing. We say nothing. We come to a silent consensus. We pack up to leave. We get in the van. Our aunt comes out to say goodbye. I loudly announce I need to use the restroom before we leave. She obviously stays outside to continue talking to my dad.

I take down the Gay Pirate Plate, stuff it under my oversized sweatshirt, go outside, and get in the van. She happily waves goodbye as we drive off.

Two days later my dad gets a phone call that opens with hysterical laughter and “You FUCKING ASSHOLE did you seriously STEAL THE PLATE--”

Anyway. The gay pirate plate lives in my dad’s house currently.

But he’s trying to get me and my sister out to visit him. And plate mounts are cheap.

[chipper-smol]

star abducted :3

[vaxxman]

What do you think about 5cp TF2 map Gullywash?

Getting autobalanced on Gullywash feels especially tragic.

More sketches and more impressions under the cut.

In order to draw this, I watched some highlander matches on Gullywash, due to finding no matches in competitive, and the aimbots going rampant in casual. I was only able to play 5 proper matches on casual, (2 of which my teams won purely due to team imbalance,) so some of this is based on what I saw other people were doing in competitive match recordings, as well as how it feels to play on community servers with AI train bots. No one was playing whenever I was queueing up :(

I learnt very fast that Gullywash is one of these maps where you will die a lot, or steamroll the capture points, and there is no in-between, because you either position yourself correctly or you don't. While this goes for every map in tf2, I never really felt frustrated when dying here. I could always find a reason for my mistakes and generally it turned out to be a very rewarding learning experience.

I think Gullywash is extremely fun and fast paced. I especially enjoy giving scouts and pyros overheal buffs, because of how much flanking you can do here. The symmetry of the map is immaculate and the amount of objects that just lie around allows demos to place a lot of traps and players to just hide in corners.

(Using Scouts as your Uber Driver here is also especially fun, so many near death situations!)

For some reason, the soldiers and demos who play on this map are really good at protecting medics? That's the impression I got, everyone knew when to retreat and not push, everyone turned around when they saw my health go down, everyone was shooting the spies for me when we were in the open and I was too focused with healing the people fighting death matches at the front so we could capture.

(My personal heroes who just rocket jump over to you just to shoot the spy 2m away from you, and then just rocket jump away again)

Snipers aren't much of a problem, since there are so many options for hiding properly while still being able to reach your team mates. The same sadly doesn't apply to spies and I think I have died more to spies on this maps than to sticky traps.

While I love the vaccinator, I think Stock and Kritz are the better options on this map. Nothing cries geneva convention war crime more than entering the door to the last capture point and ubering a soldier who starts spamming everyone with rockets in this rather crammed up room where everything can give you splash damage.

Shoutout to a pyro called Joey who carried the last game I played, it was a blast ubering you through the last capture point.

[crabsnpersimmons]

thanks for the positive response to himbo Moon! he also wanted to say thanks:

some extras under the cut!

Edit: Image descriptions added!

no text version:

oh and in case you're curious about what his new body looks like, i managed to remember to take a picture of the sketch before inking! he basically has glamrock freddy's model design, except his legs and feet are more slender so he can be more light on his feet:

also... i did the math (meaning, i eyeballed a height chart with freddy's model and put the numbers in an ellipse calculator i found online)—freddy, and therefore moon here, has a bust size of 179.74 cm or 70.76 inches (almost 5'11" circumference).

writing muse: not thicc enough. the world record for the largest muscular chest is 74 inches!

...do with that information what you will

this is what i did with that information (with a cameo of @vacantfields's android moon! they've got a bit of rivalry/affair/kismesis between each other ♠️)

poor hairdresser himbo moon isn't as flexible as he used to be :')

[pirateprincessjess]

what if you fucking grow up instead of pretending to be a dog so people will give you the love you never got from your parents.

Oh! Oh! I’ve been waiting for this! I even took this picture so I could make this joke! But it’s such an autistic hyper fixation joke that I feel the need to explain it in excruciating detail!

In the early meta of Pokemon Scarlet and Violet VGC one cool Pokemon that I used was Dachsbun (a puppy Pokemon).

I would have it use substitute, which is a move that summons a pokédoll that sits in front of your pokemon. The pokédoll then takes damage instead of your pokemon.

In the picture I’m a puppy with a pokédoll substitute in front of me to intercept the anons attack! Just like how I used this stupid joke to intercept the attack! But the joke goes deeper!

Dachsbun has an ability called “Well-Baked Body” which makes it absorb fire type attacks, causing it to get a defense buff from the attack instead of taking damage. Dachsbun wasn’t a very commonly used pokemon so people often didn’t realize it had this ability and would try to use fire attacks against it.

In this post Anon is trying to burn me, so this is a fire type attack. And they had no idea that I’m an autistic pokemon turbo nerd who was going to absorb the attack into this extremely convoluted (and unnecessarily long) joke and use it to strengthen my defense. Just like Dachsbun!

But wait! There’s more!!!!

Dachsbun doesn’t have a strong attack stat, so its main offensive move is Body Press which allows it to attack with its defense stat instead of its attack stat.

Body press is a good move, but it doesn’t do a lot of damage without a ton of buffs, so it often ends up taking a long time to chip away at an opponents health. That’s exactly like how this post is probably slowly chipping away at anons health!

So to sum it up! I’m a puppy with a substitute Pokédoll that I’m using to intercept attacks, and I’m absorbing a fire type attack to raise my defense while slowly chipping away at my opponents life!

Anyway, thank you so much anon! I really appreciate you walking into this incredibly stupid trap that I’ve laid!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

i wanna know more about svsss menopause

They synced their periods together too well. Now they are synced through their perimenopause years.

[aeliem]

for @switchthedragon's dtiys

timelapse and version without text under the cut

[albino-parakeet]

Ben’s new design is so funny, mainly because of all the jokes about his height.

But like have you seen his dog (ankylosaurus)? I would also be a big, beefy boy If I was taking care of a “dog” (and any of the other dinosaurs) for the past 6-7 years that ranged in weight of 4.8 to 8 metric tons.

(First time trying to draw Ben not great lol but I’ll get the hang of it)

[workingchemistry]

Echo curls up in the window seat of the apartment Fox has somehow acquired for them. It’s laden with the ugliest throw pillows known to Coruscant and a few other worlds. It doesn’t matter, each one was carefully chosen by their commander and that makes them the best pillows Echo has ever seen. He’s got a real flimsy book held up with one hand but he hasn’t looked down at the pages since Fox’s arrival.

Fives sidles up to Fox with a happy hum before he takes over unbuckling armor. “Well aren’t you a pretty sight?”

Fox doesn’t rise to the bait or try to slap Five’s hands away. Visible emotions aren’t really their partner’s thing but something flickers across his expression. He looks between Fives and then Echo before looking back at Fives. “Are we dating?”

Of all the questions…

Fives’s immediate reassurance breaks off as he doubles over with the force of his coughing.

That leaves Echo to take over. He half stands before he realizes that maybe Fox wants the space—that their commander wasn’t on the same page after all. Instead he stays put and makes sure he catches Fox’s gaze. “We were under that impression, yes, but if it’s not what you want then nothing needs to change.”

“Oh.” Fox says.

He doesn’t jump to reassure them that he wants them in return but that’s alright. Any immediate answer Fox could give wouldn’t be true. It’s honestly a point of pride that Fox trusts them enough to tell the truth.

Meanwhile, Fives stops dramatically choking on his own spit long enough to go back to helping with Fox’s armor. He isn’t immediately pushed away, so that’s also a good sign.

Echo watches from his window seat and hopes.

There’s not much physical difference between Fox’s blacks and their own, but it still soothes a possessive nerve to see Fox replace his dirty blacks with Echo’s. It’s his favorite set, the one with a little tear down the side mended with a decorative stitch in blue.

Fives scoops up the dirty blacks and scuffed armor to do maintenance on in the other room, shooting Echo a sharp look as he does. That is where he deviates from routine, pausing this time before he kisses Fox’s cheek to give their commander time to pull away.

Fox does no such thing. He leans into the touch, tipping his forehead to rest against Five’s. Then he’s pulling away to drop onto the seat next to Echo. “So if you thought we were dating, I’m guessing you’ve already filed the paperwork?”

That draws Echo up short. Sure he doesn’t abide by the regs as strictly as he used to, but surely he would have known if there was paperwork. “For dating?”

“Mm.” Fox isn’t looking at Echo. “We’re in different battalions. I’m head over the military police force. That’s more than enough to be a conflict of interest.”

“Fuck. We can get it done tonight if you…” Echo breaks off when he catches a telltale amused twitch of Fox’s nose. He shoves their commander with a bright laugh. “You bastard! Who taught you a sense of humor?”

Fox’s lips tip up ever so slightly at the corners in the closest he ever comes to a genuine smile. “I found these parasites in the drunk tank. I think their bad habits are starting to rub off on me.”

[dammjamboy]

i got to meet scorpy, baaulp, holly, trog, kami and the tortured soul of wayne today :') i finally got to gift scorpy the socpens funko from years ago. a quest finally completed.

they were all so so kind and i couldn't be happier to finally get to meet the people who've inspired me for years 🥹 thank you rtvs!!!

[huellitaa]

honey, was it enough?... ♡ 🎀🍂🧸 ྀ𓂃 ࣪˖

[basuralindo]

Checking on the guest room every other day like,

Sorry for the lazy ass editing but anyway I've been needing to make a visual for this joke

Now I'm not saying that I always picture this man as Yuu, but I have definitely become obsessed with the raw comedic potential of Tommy Shelby being isekai'd into magic college surrounded by people he actually Cannot boss around

[temporary-tats]

A ko-fi roulette request from @kaelidascope of team RWBY (and Alfred, the stuffed Gator) on a family vacation to Florida's true greatest attraction, Gatorland!

This is gonna be funny to like, 6 people, and I'm one of them. If you happen to be one of those 5 other people - I hope you enjoy this!

(My Ko-fi, should you wish!)

[silusvesuius]

testing da style

[mitamicah]

Kris is feeling it 🥹✨

Ruisrock, 7.7.24