#premise may or may not be based off personal experience

[astradyke]

No please tell us your thoughts on dinok, dinok is all I think about all the time

i waited to answer this for a really long time because i have been struggling to formulate some of my thoughts. i have two main thoughts about DINOK, but i only really explore one of them because i have long since thought the other one was a bit reductive-- which was essentially exploring the implications of Phil's absence in DINOK. i don't think phil himself, as much as i love him, should be centered or heavily involved in the discussion about DINOK, because as i go on to elaborate, i think everything internally and from an external meta about DINOK was very much about dan transitioning from a rumination period of his life to one where he confronts the idea of moving forward.

i think DINOK is fascinating when put in comparison to WAD, because both of them were functionally intended to do the same thing but had drastically different journeys.

DINOK was based on dan's experience with his sexuality in particular, based on the premise that if dan never came out as gay he would end up being a lawyer and et cetera et cetera, having a breakdown at age 30. from there he goes through a comedic journey (in a dark comedy way) where he reconciles with his own sexuality, and by the end presumably finds that kind of self acceptance and happiness. in a lot of ways, that end goal is really similar to WAD (as is the dark comedy because Woah), except WAD is a lot more global in its end goal-- with the idea that everyone may be doomed, but there is so much good in the world anyway, and so much one person can do to fight against that doom-- and is also a bit broader when it comes to dan! WAD is about dan's sexuality, but it's also about dan reconciling with the rapidly changing and- to him- deteriorating world. and with that comes some questions about his own content and other parts of his identity. it's about more than just his sexuality-- which is NOT to say that making a special about just his sexuality "wouldn't be enough", that's not my point at all. but what i'm saying is there's a difference of scope, and i think that difference came... because of DINOK.

like, DINOK is riding off of the freedom he experienced coming out in basically i'm gay. but as we saw repeatedly BIG didn't resolve a ton of dan's issues with his sexuality-- from his one-off comedy gig and gay and not proud (note that content in G&NP was cut by youtube for the original so we only saw a slivered down version. that being said im still insane about it but, as a disclaimer) we see that he struggled to feel pride with his sexuality despite having come out, didn't know where he fit into the queer community as a whole, and was altogether ruminating. DINOK, in my opinion, was dan trying to answer those questions fully in his own terms. it's him trying to grapple with the struggles he still has around his sexuality through the POV of a different version of him that may experience that more "acutely" than dan does-- because from a public perspective, dan very much is part of the queer community! he was like one of the top role models for queer British teens as voted recently in that one magazine i don't remember the title. but internally, it's different, and getting to explore that through the lens of DINOK Dan who does NOT present as being super in the queer community was probably a cathartic thought!

but with the inability to produce DINOK due to YouTube's overall negligence, that left dan in a strange position. his sexuality now felt almost used against him because of all these fucking originals he was getting dragged into, builboards in the like-- his sexuality was something that he should be proud of, with all these accomplishments and shows, but they felt hollow and not like something he really deserved. and that inherently segues into talks about capitalism and fame as a whole because -- after DINOK failed, dan was no longer working with hypothetical alternate universes, but was instead forced to reckon with his own.

quick detour to dystopia daily because i am really fond of it-- i think DD was also part of the WAD process in that it's about dan being trapped behind this persona but using it to kind of explore content creation, and himself, and in a lot of ways i think the performance was a satire but in other ways i think it was a cocoon phase. testing the waters of the future of daniel howell's content, but through dragging an antiquated persona into a different time in order to ask that. so i think it runs like DINOK -> DD -> WAD.

and by the end of WAD dan came out of it feeling more authentically himself, not liberated by the performance from DD, and not liberated through the proxy of his alternate universe self in DINOK. WAD is dan having to reckon with this as HIM, as daniel howell in the years 2022 and surrounding, as his own person. i admit at this part of the post that i did watch WAD but haven't rewatched it and that a lot of the segments weren't really my favorite so i don't actually remember beat for beat what happens in WAD (i'm more invested in WAD as a meta than as an actual stage show with segments, to be honest), but like... overarchingly that is about dan! it ends in a painfully vulnerable place, and he sheds away from the black and the shadows to start wearing orange and enter kind of this new phase of dan howell. one where he is more openly queer but is also more openly... everything! and we see all of that now when we see new content with dan and how happy he looks.

DINOK fascinates me because i wonder if the end outcome would have felt the same for dan. i think DINOK roots itself less in existential crises as a whole and more specifically those about his sexuality, while WAD asks the question of "what comes next?" which i think is really interesting and is also more helpful.

which is why, though i sometimes think about the fact that book deals tend to come in twos (fly high DAPGO) and that dan has only released one book thus meaning he could release DINOK as a book, the more i think about it the more i... don't think he would. i think the time for DINOK has passed. i think it was more of a psychological state for him, a rumination, and from here on it's about moving forward. to the day after the night.

... if any of this makes any sense at all, God i am yapping. but i hope you get it? i hope you get it.

[visiosatanae]

When getting yourself off doesn't work out, there's only one person you can think of to help ease the ache.

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2.3k

Pairing: Papa Emeritus III x Reader (Sister of Sin)

Ao3 Link

So close, so close, so close…

You were tangled in your sheets, having been at it for nearly an hour now. The vibe between your legs rubbed against your slick folds and tired clit. All you wanted was to cum, to end the needless frustration you had been feeling all evening and pass out peacefully in a state of bliss. But release still seemed to be just out of reach as your aching fingers worked the toy in just about every way you knew to be effective. When you finally felt that you were reaching the edge, you nearly wanted to sob with relief. 

Right there, almost, almost…

And then.

It stopped. 

Your eyes flew open in horror, realization dawning on you that your savior now rested dead in your hand. You felt yourself throb at the loss, little wracks of fleeting pleasure beginning to dissipate. 

"No, no, no," you groaned, pressing the button  repeatedly even though you knew damn well that it was no use. With a frustrated sigh, you tossed the vibe back into your open bedside drawer and slammed it shut. In a final act of desperation, you slipped your hand back down between your legs, rubbing frantically at your aching clit. But your fingers were already tired and cramping, fatigue settling into your joints.

With a huff you withdrew your hand, deciding that it was best to give up for the night and at least try to sleep. Rearranging yourself amongst the covers, you tried your best to even out your breathing and shut your eyes… for all of maybe two minutes.

It was no use. You were too wound up now that sleep seemed impossible. Your brain began flipping through possibilities at a rapid fire pace. You didn't have any other working toys at the moment, something you had been meaning to remedy, but hadn't had the time or money to shop for new ones. Fingers were too useless at this point, and you always had the hardest time getting off that way anyway. You would ask someone for… assistance, but it was the middle of the night. Most everyone was asleep or already entwined with a chosen partner until morning. But perhaps…

You laid in bed, suffering in thought. It's possible that a certain Papa would be willing to help with your predicament. But the problem was whether or not he already had another Sibling in his chamber. Sighing, you sat up and put on a robe. You figured it wouldn't hurt to at least try, especially with how your core still ached for release. 

Opening your door as quietly as you could, you slipped into the hallway and made your way towards the Papal chambers. The Ministry at this time was silent, making even the soft padding of your feet upon the marble floors sound louder than usual. Because of this, you felt the need to keep to the shadows cast by the wall sconces. You never knew if a ghoul or Sister Imperator could be patrolling the halls. 

Finally, you found yourself in front of Papa III's room. You stared at the plaque above the door with dread, trying to find the courage to knock. Papa had always encouraged Siblings to call on him for anything they needed, but what you needed felt so arbitrary you felt that even if he did answer you would be dismissed back to your room in shame. You stood there frozen until another pang of arousal shot through you, urging you to finally knock on the solid wood door, which felt deafening within the silent corridor. 

You held your breath, anxiously waiting for any sound from the room beyond, but you heard nothing. You listened for a few seconds, but it felt like minutes within the stillness around you. After a few moments you weren't even sure you wanted him to answer. What would you even say? He was a Papa! And your silly request probably wasn’t worth his time. 

With a sigh, you turned to leave. But then-

“Entra per favore.”

His words came softly from the room beyond and you stiffened, realizing that now you had to go through with this. Taking a deep breath to steel yourself, you gently opened the door. You had never been inside the papal bed chambers before, but it was exactly as you expected them to look. A large canopied bed brought your eyes directly to, obviously meant to be the focal point of the room. Papa had opted for black silk sheets and velvet curtains, with an assortment of pillows to match. The bed had a dark oak frame that matched the rest of the furniture, including a chaise lounge at the foot of the bed. A fireplace crackled softly off to the left, the flame low and log mostly embers now with how late into the night it was. Your eyes finally came to rest on Papa seated in a high backed chair, book in his hands as he read by lamplight. He was dressed in a dark velvety smoking jacket, his face devoid of his paints. But if anything, the lack of paint made his white eye stand out even more against his otherwise orthodox face. 

He smiled when he looked up, seeing your face poking in. “Ah, Sorella!” His voice was soft but no less animated. The smile lines on his face deepened as he met your eyes. “What can I be doing for you?” 

Your face reddened as you realized you had been staring. “Forgive me, Papa!” you squeaked. “I wasn’t expecting you’d still be awake.”

His expression is gentle. “It seems we are both having a sleepless night, eh?” He beckoned you further into the room after your small nod. You shuffled closer, closing the door softly behind you. "Now, tell me. How can your Papa help you?" 

You averted your gaze, still unsure about following through with your request. How exactly were you supposed to go about telling Papa your sex toy broke and you needed to climax or else you'd go insane? 

"I was um… partaking in the sins of the flesh and my… aiding device died on me." Sathanas, that sounded stupid. 

But Terzo nodded sagely, completely understanding your situation despite your convoluted way of describing it. "You are not the first," he confided, which made you breathe a sigh of relief. "But I have just the remedy." He opened his arms, coaxing you further still. "On my lap, Sorella." 

Face beet red, you did as he asked, awkwardly kneeling on either side of his thighs on the chair. He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you closer to him until your chest was flush with his. He gazed up at you, a hint of mischief hiding behind his kind expression. "No need to be shy now. It's easier if you relax, dolcezza." 

You nodded, still feeling a little wobbly on your knees. Your hands made their way to Terzo's shoulders for balance, lowering yourself more onto his lap. He looked pleased with your willingness to comply, tucking a loose hair behind your ear. 

"Come sei bella," he murmured, igniting a flame inside you. Ever so slowly and delicately, you felt his hands drift lower to fiddle with the tie on your robe. "May I?" He breathed. You nodded, biting your lip as he pulled it loose with ease. The silky material fell from your shoulders, exposing your torso to his searching gaze. He sucked in a breath at the sight of you, hands immediately coming to gently cup your breasts. You bit harder onto your lip at his touch, but a soft whimper still managed to escape. Suddenly his thumb was brushing your lower lip and pulling it from between your teeth. He tutted, "No need to hide those pretty noises from me." 

Your stomach flipped as he resumed, leaning forward to ghost his breath over your quickly hardening nipple - a kiss placed on the blushing bud. You shivered in anticipation as his tenderness sent small ripples throughout your body. His arm pressed against your lower back, pulling you against his awaiting mouth. You gasped as he sucked, tongue laving over the sensitive peak. 

Terzo then pulled off of you with a small pop before kissing again at the flushed skin. Soft whimpers and hums escaped through your nose along with your quickening breaths. Something about his tongue and mouth was driving you crazy, your hips bucking in his lap. His hands met with your hips and helped guide you. You realized with a whimper that you were already making a mess on his pants beneath you. 

"That's it, bella, just like that." His praises were quiet and calm despite his firm grip and hardening cock. He helped you rut down against his clothed erection, your dripping core already soaking through the material. Your head fell against his shoulder, panting and groaning into his neck as you focused on the growing arousal deep inside you. 

"Papa," you whined, clutching at the velvet of his jacket. 

Terzo knew exactly what you needed. Normally he would tease and make you tell him, but it was obvious to him that you had already suffered enough tonight. He reached down between your bodies, fingers running through the slick of your folds. He let out a gasp that faded into a groan. "So wet, Sorella. Cazzo. You like how your Papa touches you, hm?" 

You nodded aggressively into his shoulder, attempting to grind down onto his fingers. You gasped loudly as he finally added pressure to your clit. His strokes were varied as he figured out what you liked. He was extremely attentive to each noise you made, finally deciding on one when you moaned out a string of "yes" and "please". 

He kept at it, letting you grind and buck into his hand however you needed all while whispering praises into your ear. You never thought you'd be able to be with Papa like this. It was even better than you could have imagined, you thought as he brought you teetering to the edge. 

"Come for me, dolcezza. Make your Papa proud," he practically purred next to you. 

It was too much. You felt yourself falling off the edge, cumming hard on his fingers which never stopped working you through your orgasm. Your cries were muffled by his jacket as your body shuddered through waves of pleasure. Tears pricked your eyes as you finally brought yourself to look back at Terzo. He was smiling up at you, his eyes heady from the scent of sex in the air. 

"Can you do one more, tesoro mio?" he breathed, looking like he would beg if he needed to. Flustered, you nodded and watched as he quickly worked to pull out his aching erection. He was more than ready, the skin flushed and head already leaking for you. 

You steadied yourself as best you could on your still wobbly legs. You both sucked in a breath as the head of his cock rubbed against your folds, easily coating itself in your juices. He guided himself towards your entrance, and once he was positioned perfectly you allowed yourself to finally sink down onto him. Groans broke out from both of you in tandem as you slowly seated yourself again in his lap, thighs trembling from the feeling of taking all of him at once. 

It took some time to adjust to his size, the both of you panting as you looked each other in the eyes. You felt yourself gravitating towards him, lips seeking out his. He made no complaints, moaning into your mouth and gripping at your hips again. Once you felt ready, you began to move, rising up until Papa was still barely inside you before lowering back down again. 

He helped you find a rhythm and before long you were bouncing in his lap. His cock filled you deeply with every thrust and you couldn't help but cling to him. If he wasn't wearing the smoking jacket you were sure your nails would have left marks along his back. Terzo's hands were everywhere; gripping your hips to help you ride him, moving up to your breasts and teasing your nipples, gripping into your hair and pulling it back to expose your throat to his eager lips. You relinquished control to him, your only focus was on keeping rhythm as best you could. 

You felt that buildup deep in your gut again, and he could feel it too as you tightened around him. "Brava ragazza, you're doing so well," he cooed, nipping at your collar bones. "Much better to have the real thing, hm?" Your movements faltered, startled by his words. You tried to hide it, but nothing was missed by Terzo and you could tell by his sly smile. "It's okay, dolcezza, you can think of me when you touch yourself." He leaned closer to whisper in your ear. "I'm honored that you've already cum to the thought of me." 

You choked back a cry as your thighs shook, his filthy words having pushed you over the edge once again. He hissed as you came around him, grabbing your hips roughly to thrust one, two, three more times before spilling into you. You collapsed against his chest, his hot seed already leaking between your legs. 

You clung to each other as the rolling pleasure ebbed and flowed from you. Sathanas, you couldn't believe he could see through you that easily but… the fact he just knew was incredibly arousing. You would have jumped him again if you weren't so tired and it was already getting close to morning. 

Papa helped you up from the chair, directing you towards the bed. You looked up at him confused so he said, "I am not so cruel as to force you back to your room on such unsteady legs." Your face would've gone red again if you'd had the energy. 

He helped you into the bed and pulled you close, your back against his front. You briefly wondered what waking up with Papa would be like before finally letting yourself succumb to sleep, the dead vibrator back in your room completely forgotten about. 

[if-whats-new]

What's New In IF? Issue 32 (2024)

By Aj, Dion, Briar, Jen and Peter

Now Available!

Itch.io - Keep Reading below

If you read the zine, consider liking the post: it helps us see how many people see it! And sharing is caring! <3

~ EDITORIAL ~

Two Issues in one week?!

Yes, it’s us again!

Since Issue 31 came out on Wednesday instead of the regular Saturday and we tried really hard to make this one on time, we’re back once more, just a few days apart.

We sincerely hope you’re not getting sick of us yet!

We want some feedback!

As we’re starting to get a hand of things, we would love some feedback from you guys! What you enjoy, want more or less off, how we could improve... Anything goes! We even have a nifty form.

We hope you enjoy this new issue!

AJ, DION, BRIAR, JEN AND PETER

~ BE A PART OF THE ZINE ~

THIS ZINE ONLY HAPPENS WITH YOU!

Want to write 1-2 pages about a neat topic, or deep-dive into a game and review it in details? Share personal experiences or get all academic?

WRITE FOR THE COLUMN!

Prefer to be more low-key but still have something to share? Send us a Zine Letter or share a game title for Highlight on…!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Came across something interesting? Know a release or an update announced? Saw an event happening? Whether it's a game, an article, a podcast… Add any IF-related content to our mini-database!

EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS!

Contact us through Tumblr asks, Forum DMs, or even by email! And thank you for your help!!

~ EVENT SPOTLIGHT : IF Short Games Showcase 2024 ~

December 1st 2024 to January 1st 2025

Short games tend to get less love than longer games in general-purpose, non-speed-IF comps, while the ones released outside of a competition or jam may not get eyes on them at all. The IF Short Games Showcase 2024 aims to give the shorter works their very own place to shine!

The Short Games Showcase is an opportunity to show off shorter interactive fiction works made in the past year (Jan 1, 2024 to Dec 31, 2024), regardless of whether or not they were previously released.

Authors can submit up to three games - each of them should be completable in 30 minutes or less. The showcase has a broad view of IF. It will accept anything usually considered to fall under that umbrella, including parser games, choice-based/choose-your-own-adventure games, visual novels, point-and-clicks, and text-focused Bitsy games. In addition, a work must not have been submitted to more than three prior jams or competitions.

The SGS will have both a Best Overall winner and winners in several specific categories:

Best Use of Short Form

Best Use of Interactivity

Best Story-Focused Game

Best Puzzle-Focused Game

Most Replay Value

Best Previously Unawarded Game

There might be no prizes, but bragging rights are great too.

Do you have a short project that deserves it’s own moment in the spotlight? Then don’t hesitate and join too!

To read more about the rules and overall goal of the showcase, visit the Itch page.

~ ENDED ~

The voting for ECTOCOMP 2024 is officially over! Check out the results!

You can now check out all 16 entries to the Videotome Jam!

Disabled Rep VN Jam has a very simple premise but a very important message. Check out the submissions!

~ ONGOING (VOTING) ~

A Very Hallmark Game Jam has entered the voting phase. You can now vote for your favourite out of the five entries.

~ ONGOING (SUBMITTING) ~

Media depicting healthy examples of polyamory isn’t that common. The PolyJamorous 2024 is trying to break the status-quo!

This year’s Yuri Game Jam is in full progress. The devs have until December 2nd to submit their projects.

Once upon a time, a game jam was held to create stories around the theme of fairy tales… and that game jam is the Once Upon A Time VN Jam. It’s running from October 1st to January 31st.

Concours de Fiction Interactive Francophone 2025 is for all French-speaking enthusiasts. Submissions are accepted March 3rd 2025.

Are you perhaps a fan of more somber, melancholic themes? Then check out the Dying Year - Visual Novel Jam! You have until the end of the year to participate.

The Black Visual Novel Jam is all about working with creative professional developers who work in visual novels to bring more Black stories to life. The goal is to create a space where Black creators can show their unique storytelling through visual novels.

IF Short Games Showcase 2024 is a great way to shine some new light on your projects made in the past year (Jan 1, 2024 to Dec 31, 2024), regardless of whether or not they are previously released! You have until January 15th 2025 to join.

Winter Visual Novel Jam 2024 is here! You have until January 1st 2025 to submit your projects.

Are you familiar with Decker? Then why not take a part in the Deck-Month 2?

Another bitsy jam is here. This time with the theme "better late than never".

SeedComp! is a 2-round interactive fiction game jam, focusing on creativity and the growth of ideas and the Sprouting Round has just started! Check out the Planting round for inspiration.

~ OTHER ~

Intents to enter are open for Spring Thing 2025. To submit an intent to enter, you'll need a working title for the game and a few other pieces of information. Intents for the 2025 festival can be submitted any time between now and March 1st, 2025.

~ NEW RELEASE ~

You’re a promising officer in the Teranese military, a force which has not seen major engagement in decades but which holds vast influence. Thanks to the… complicated circumstances of an injury, you’ve been quietly reassigned. Now you’re to be the bodyguard to a child of a famous scientist who is attending a wilderness boarding school for the children of the richest and most powerful figures of Teran society. What could go wrong? Play Honor Bound (CScript) and find out! (There’s also a mini prequel game about the Honor Bound PC, aged 17 - Honor Bound: Recruitment Day (Twine).) @hpowellsmith

I Fell in Love with a Mailman (Godot) is set in the RADICAL 1980s with the rise of the claw machine industry, play as a girl boss big city girl who's grappling with the realization that her successful corporate life might not be as fulfilling as she imagined. Return home for the holidays and discover a new side of yourself: will you win a prize in the game of love, or is romance simply a rigged game of chance?

You are the Dark Queen—the most powerful being of your entire universe. Your lair is breached by an aspiring hero—a pitiful thing, easily crushed. Except they keep coming back. The Dark Queen of Morthlome is a 20 minute anti-game about an unconventional relationship and the capacity for change.

Two people show signs or attraction to you; however, only one truly loves you. "Eric or Alex?" The same question appears over and over again in your mind. Now it's time to really find out the answer! Go through different apps, discover and gather information in order to decide who is the true love in Attention (Unity)!

As always, don't forget to check out the submitted entries to the events mentioned in the previous pages. They deserve some love too!

~ NEW RELEASE (WIP) ~

In Swapped (Twine) you play as a 17 year old senior, anxiously awaiting the day you graduate, pack your bags, and ditch Sunnyview. But one day, all of that changes when filming for a movie is announced near your hometown. A chance encounter with the one and only Taylor Victory, famous actor with eerie facial similarities, leads to a deal. You will swap places—Taylor will experience a normal week of high school as you, and you will live the life of an actor in their place. @aurelim

In the grim remains of a shattered world, Voxhaven stands as the sole surviving city. The air, thick with pollution, carries the stench of decay and betrayal. The government’s watchful eyes are everywhere, controlling every move... every whisper. Survival means more than just enduring the endless haze—it's about navigating a city built on lies and deceit, where trust is scarce and death lingers in the shadows. In Voxhaven, freedom is a distant dream, and every breath you take is a reminder of the world’s broken past. - Requiem of the Fallen (Twine) @miss-briar-novels

This Too Shall Pass (CScript) delves into a reality in which you were once the Chosen One- Destined to save the world. But you had failed. You now navigate that same world 22 years later as it slowly succumbs to that fate you were supposed to save it from. @thistooshall-if

MEMORALYSIS (Ren’Py) follows the psychic detective Philon Delancy to a strange seaside town to solve the murder of one of its most notable public figures. What starts as a routine house call quickly reveals a tangle of messy relationships, local superstitions, and past unsolved mysteries — and at the center of it all is the victim’s enigmatic niece, Celosia James. But surely the rumors about the young heiress have been greatly exaggerated. After all, everyone knows demonic possession isn’t real.

To Allison, life is just an endless cycle of exhaustion with no escape route – wake up, study, work, fulfil family duties, sleep, rinse and repeat. But sometimes she can't help but wonder... Is that really all there is to life? Soon, Allison stumbles upon a group of people who may be just as lonely as she is, and little by little, their encounter returns colour to her world... - Re:Curse (Ren’Py).

In All the Way (CScript) you play as a young woman living in a time and place a little like the early 90’s in California that is about to have some serious run ins with the supernatural. Her life and that of her friends are quickly disrupted by beings that seem to have a bit of a vendetta for her - but what has she ever done to these creatures and why are they targeting her and her friends?

In the Halls of Asgard (CScript) you play a Norse God trying to survive in Asgard, and preparing for Ragnarök.

You play as the amnesiac protagonist, trapped in a mysterious house with two other captives. You quickly learn that the only way to escape is to have one of the three of you die. Will you kill or be killed? Who is the mastermind? Is there no way for all of you to survive? The mystery deepens as you find that no matter who dies, the killing game begins anew in Yet Another Killing Game (Ren’Py).

The Corpse Road (Twine) is an explorable fiction about death.

~ UPDATES ~

Ashenmaw - Dragons of Marrowoods (CScript) updated their demo. @ashenmaw-if

Fellow Traveler (Twine) released Episode 3 “tease” and Act 1. @robotvampire

The Soulforge Order (Twine) released Chapter 1. @thesoulforgeorder

The Sword of Rhivenia (CScript) released Chapter 5.

The Thousand Of Us (CScript) added new content to their public demo. @ivanwm-05

We Wretched Creatures (Twine) released Episode 6. @darkfictionjude

Azrael (CScript) updated their demo.

Drink Your Villain Juice (CScript) updated their Patreon demo. @drinkyourvillainjuice

New Era (CScript) updated their demo. @newera-interactiveif

Starways Saga (CScript) added new content to the Navy Path.

After Dark (CScript) updated their Patreon demo. @dalekowrites

Exit Through the Gift Shop (CScript) updated their demo.

Haunted (Twine) added a “Side Story” to their demo. @hauntedif

Meteoric (CScript) released Chapter 5.

The Unwilling Sword of Lamenthria (CScript) released Part 1 of Chapter 3. @lamenthria-if

Trouble Brewing (Twine) released Chapter 5. @troublebrewing-if

~ OTHER ~

Thom Baylay’s Kitsune (CScript) is now in Open Beta.

Issue 29 of the Amare Fortnightly Bulletin is out now! @amaregames

The Twine Cookbook is now available in print and through December 2024 it's 25% off! All proceeds from sales go toward the Interactive Fiction Technology Foundation and its support of Twine.

~

As always, we apologize in advance for missing any update or release from the past week. We are only volunteers using their limited free time to find as much as we can - but sometimes things pass through the cracks.

If you think something should have been included in this week's zine but did not appear, please shoot us a message! We'll do our best to add it next week! And if you know oncoming news, add it here!

~ MAYBE YOU NEXT? ~

We did not get a submission this week. But if you have an idea for a short essay, or would like a special space to share your thoughts about IF and the community...

Shoot us an email!

~ HIGHLIGHT ON ~

A couple of games that we thought were cool.

Treasures of a Slaver's Kingdom by S. John Ross (Inform 7)

Comes with a fake manual for the 1979 TTRPG it's purportedly "adapting". Well-crafted, sincere, and really funny.

//submitted by Carter X.//

Your favourite game here?

Do you have a favourite game that deserves some highlighting?

An old or recent game that wowed you so much you spam it to everyone?

Tell us about it! And it might appear here!

WE LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU ALL! WHETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD, OR EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN...

Have something to say? Send us a message titled: Zine Letter!

As we end this issue, we would like to thank:

Carter X.

For sending us a Highlight!!

And as always, huge thanks to all you readers who liked, shared, and commented on last week's issue!

What might be tiny actions are huge support and motivators to us!

Thank you for cheering us on this journey!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Thank you for reading and see you next week!

AJ, DION, BRIAR, JEN AND PETER

WHAT'S NEW IN IF? 2024-ISSUE 32

[remidepointedulac]

remaking this post because I originally wrote it as a reply on someone’s post about how tme/tma are intersexist and I want to link to it without drawing attention to their blog.

The theory of trans-misogyny is actually already inclusive of intersex people. Julia Serano, the coiner of the term trans-misogyny, said this when going in depth about the term

As the term has caught on, transmisogyny has increasingly been used as shorthand for any prejudice expressed toward trans women, regardless of content. However, while trans women are certainly targets of transmisogyny, any person who is perceived as, or presumed to be, a feminine or feminized "male" may be subjected to these same derogatory, pathologizing, and sexualizing attitudes (albeit to varying extents). - (Source)

she also said

In the years since Whipping Girl was published, the term "trans-misogyny" has taken on a life of its own, and people now use it in ways that I never intended. Specifically, I used the term to describe how the existence of societal misogyny/traditional sexism greatly informs how people perceive, interpret, or treat gender-variant people who seemingly "want to be female" or "want to be feminine" (regardless of their actual identity). However, many people nowadays use the word "trans-misogyny" in an identity-based manner to refer to any and all forms of discrimination targeting trans women. According to this latter usage, some would argue that people who identify as men, or male crossdressers, or drag queens, cannot possibly experience trans-misogyny—a close reading of Whipping Girl will reveal that I very much disagree with this premise. (See Chapter 48 of this book for a detailed explanation regarding why identity-based views of marginalization tend to be inaccurate and exclusive.) - (Source)

Basically, the popular definition of the terms TMA and TME would be fully inclusive of intersex people if the definition of trans-misogyny TMA/TME went off of was the same as the original definition, instead of adding on the criteria that to experience transmisogyny you have to be AMAB and a trans woman/transfeminine person (although i’ve seen people say transfems who don’t ID as women are tme as well). I believe this is why Julia Serano herself doesn’t use the terms TME/TMA, the way most people use the terms are too different from her theory of trans-misogyny.

[treasure-mimic]

Psychopomp and What Things Mean When They Don't Mean Anything

So if you haven't noticed or you don't follow me, I recently became interested in a small, one-man dev team indie game by name of Psychopomp. As a brief synopsis and pitch, Psychopomp is a game about a woman who seemingly suffers from paranoid delusions, through the lens of this narrator she tells us that there's a labyrinth of catacombs hidden underneath every public building and sets out to explore them to uncover the world's secrets, armed with nothing but a store bought hammer.

The game's intro puts it in words better than I could and more influential than any pitch is just seeing the protagonist's design.

As one commentator states, she looks like a skateboard mascot from the mid-2000s. Like she should be on those posters with a snarky quip just fucked up enough to catch those pearl clutching puritans off guard. I love the style and I love the tone and I love the premise.

This might be the best time to note that if you're interested in playing this game, you should stop reading here, as this discussion will contain spoilers. It's a short game, took me about 3 hours on my first playthrough, and it's pretty cheap, even has a free demo in the form of the base version with Psychopomp Gold serving as the expanded, completed experience.

Anyways.

I've always found conspiracy theories fascinating but in the modern age it can be hard to immerse yourself in these reality-detached belief systems without acknowledging, you know, the racist dogwhistling and tangible physical harm it's causing to society at the present moment. Psychopomp is able to pretty gracefully sidestep this issue by setting its anarchic anti-government sentiments against its protagonist's paranoid delusions rather than adherence to a faith or belief system.

Indeed, the game seems to take systemic beliefs as its central enemy. The entities that are necessary to kill to progress through its levels are defined by the systems they interact in, historical figures of elevated status, keystone positions in industrial manufacturing, even abstract systems like urbanism and DNA composition are posed as societal and oppressive. I'm not saying that there's no way to interpret the game in bad faith and make it directed at marginalized social, political, or ethnic groups, but I also struggle to imagine the person who takes the game literally on its face value?

Which I guess leads me to the main topic I wanted to discuss. The game very obviously has an unreliable narrator (for the record, the protagonist remains nameless for the bulk of the game, I will be referring to her as Venus as it's the closest she has to a name that's explicitly stated within the text itself) with the flavor of one whose intake of reality may be different from what's actually occurring. The game uses a combination of conspiratorial rambling and dream logic to stage its unreal tone; for example, one level delves into the "biology" of buildings, stating that they use graffiti to communicate and that black mold is a pheromone used to evacuate its inhabitants to allow for mating. Loading screens come with "Gameplay Tips" and "Real World Tips", both of which are often dense and inscrutable; for example you might get a pair like "Not all enemies are friends" and "Viruses do not exist. Illness is simply your body punishing you for what you've done wrong."

Surrealism and unreality as stylistic choices can be a bit of a tightrope walk to get right. On the one hand, if you make it explicit that a story takes place in a state that did not happen even within the story's universe, a dream or a hallucination, it can rob the narrative of its stakes, regardless of how well executed the internal metaphors are. Psychopomp very explicitly does not do this, regardless of what it is that Venus is experiencing, the game makes it clear through scientific logs and communications (as well as a brief epilogue set outside of her perspective) that something abnormal is happening, the question is just where in between normality and Venus's experiences does the truth of the game's narrative actually lie.

The other side of the tight rope is literal interpretation, presenting a setting that's absurd to our sensibilities but tangibly explainable, where meaning is supplanted by lore and the cosmology begins to solidify into a set of Calvinball rules that don't make sense, but are still adhered to, and this is the side Psychopomp threatens to lose me on. There is a credible argument to be made that there is no difference, that what Venus is experiencing is her reality without warping and distortion, it's a more credible argument than saying she completely fabricated all of it, and it's an argument I was starting to wonder wasn't the intended interpretation. Until I got the game's second, secret ending.

Psychopomp has one collectible that doesn't serve a direct gameplay purpose, but each catacomb has a key hidden away, often behind false mimic walls that bleed and scream when you hit them with your hammer, and which unlock new rooms in the only permanent location "Home". Initially a gray, cubical, concrete room with a single mattress and a small table with a radio on it, collecting keys allows you to further explore outside(?)/within(?) the home with a unique camera perspective and limited interaction. In the first layer there's a blob man who cries out in torment, demanding to know why you specifically made the world like this, giving some credence to the deification of Venus implied by the game's ending. In the last layer, Venus traverses underneath and past her own brain to unlock a repressed memory.

I take this as confirmation that there's some level of abstraction at play here. Under scrutiny it feels as though there must be some level of abstraction at play here because when taken as a whole, the conspiracies start becoming outright contradictory, even if you try to take the cosmology at play as fact, which are the closest thing to objective facts that we have.

See, Venus's perspective takes place an alternate Earth, one that both seemingly was broken off from the planet and now orbits it like a new moon but also has always existed. One of the locations is a natural history museum which explains the history of sentience on this counter-earth, humans rose, went extinct, were supplanted by a species called the thrait, then humans returned in a mutated form and retook the surface and forced the thrait back underground (though the museum also refers to the thrait as extinct despite being the most common friendly NPC you will encounter). Another location seems to imply that the humans of this world, or maybe only some of them, are artificial clay creatures, reinforced by the arbiters of the DNA factory too being clay alleles. The Human Seedbed even has the game's most effective jumpscare in it, where Venus cannot leave the area without being confronted with a jittering clay facsimile of herself.

But with that in mind, what the hell is Venus then? By no account is she one of these artificial clay people but then how did she get here? The game's introduction implies that she used to be a normal person, or at least closer to, with lived experiences inclusive of complete ignorance to this underworld, the game's endings imply that she's an immortal god-being who has been intentionally working towards her own reawakening, and that is actually one of the least ambiguous plot points within the narrative. None of the pieces of this world lock together to form a cohesive vision of a setting that operates on even the barest of internal rules, and yet the game in the same step refuses to be a character study or subconscious examination, I mean the epilogue is a damn sequel hook that involves assembling the damn Avengers to combat the ramifications of the events of the game.

So, I come to realize, I'm the problem. I might, in fact, be thinking about this too hard.

One of the locations in the game is called "Daddy's Bad Place". It is a single, tiny room of a house or apartment, frozen in a moment of tearing itself apart, that only contains a dusty old TV set with a small, pointless ornament sitting on top. In any other surrealist game, this isolated circle of clarity, a compact orb of recognizable terrain, would be a moment to deliver one single jolt of reality into the metaphor of the protagonist's journey through their own subconscious.

In Psychopomp the TV turns on and delivers a distorted warning about a giant insect which is deadly, deceitful, and above all, not real.

In Daddy's Bad Place I come to realize something. The lore is fake, the characterization is fake, the dichotomy of truth and delusion is fake, the insect is not real. Let's think about what I'm doing here for a moment, right? I'm trying to discern the truth from within a work of fiction. None of its true, none of it happened, what difference does it actually make?

The thing about conspiracy theories is that they don't make logical sense. It's a known phenomenon that conspiracy theorists love to debate, but cannot be reasoned out of their beliefs by facts or logic. There is never a counter, but always a failsafe argument that can be retreated to for safety. What conspiracy theories do make is emotional sense, they make narrative sense. The line that initially sold me on Psychopomp was one of the aforementioned loading screen tips, "All the food you've ever eaten is rotten. You have never tasted fresh food."

Patently false statement, does not hold under scrutiny, but I, as someone who lives in America and lives in a city center and has to get all my food through corporations, can look at a statement like that and say yeah. Checks out. I believe you. We would know if children were being smelted into egg slicers underneath public schools, but it resonates with our emotions about the systems of education we enforce upon children, so it could be true. We would know if buildings were a living, reproducing organism, but it resonates with the feelings of being born into a world where urbanism exists, has existed as permanent fixtures of the world, and is continuously encroaching upon the face of the world, so it could be true.

Anyone who understands the fundamentals of incentives and human psychology does not need to believe that there is a coordinated group of ontologically evil individuals driving the world to ruin for ruin's sake, but that narrative still feels true, it becomes validating in the ways that it plays off of the emotions of believers until it becomes a foundational pillar of belief that cannot be destroyed by logical contradiction.

Psychopomp, in the same way, presents information about its internal systems that cannot be true logically but form self-justification anyways through emotional resonance. It doesn't matter if the lore works because its stated, it isn't wrong, so it must be a truth. This is the way that Psychopomp emulates the unreality of the conspiracy theory in a way that can avoid the disturbing implications of the real world practice. I've made comparison to surrealism by dream logic and surrealism by internal self-reflection, but this is a different mode entirely and the game simply refuses to operate by those tropes at its core. Conspiracy is itself contradiction, not the soft contradiction of two halves of a dream that don't lock together, but the hard contradiction of attempting to apply emotion and narrative to a waking world that rejects either premise. Psychopomp, then, is surrealism by way of conspiracy.

[genericpuff]

hello! ik this is a pretty weird question but regarding lore rekindled, do you plan on keeping the elements of sexual trauma, or are they removed entirely? just a genuine question ^^ feel free to ignore and i hope u have a good day!!!

Rekindled will not be including the SA plotline from LO. This is for a variety of reasons:

1.) The SA plotline wasn't originally present in the pilot version of LO and, throughout the comic, feels like a tacked on plotline that wasn't ever intended to be progressed or resolved properly. And that's a shame because the people who loved the premise of that plotline in the beginning (myself included) deserved better than that, which I'm sure is contradictory to my own reasoning to not try and do it better in LR, but that brings us to-

2.) I don't want to try and "fix" a plotline that could be very intrinsic to Rachel's own experiences. Though she's claimed in her interviews that her situation is "not the same as Persephone's", she has alluded to having her own experiences that she's had to identify and cope with and if the SA plotline in LO is meant to be a reflection of that, I want to respect that as something that just should not be touched.

3.) To go hand-in-hand with #2, that leaves my own personal reasoning beyond the objective: as an SA victim myself, LR doesn't feel like a story that I would want to write about such an experience through. I tackle those themes in my original work enough as it is and Rekindled has, by and large, been a wonderful break from writing through such a personal lens.

All that said, LR will involve plot beats regarding loss of autonomy that intersects with commonalities of SA trauma, they're just not exclusive or related to the SA plotline in LO. Persephone will still undergo her own character arc that may share elements with those of assault victims, it just won't be with Apollo as a perpetrator.

I hope that answers your question!!! I know there are mixed feelings regarding my decision to remove the SA plotline, but ultimately I did what I felt necessary to make for a better overall story, while still retaining themes and topics that we'll be tackling later that aim to better reflect the original source material - the myths themselves - off which both Rekindled and LO are based. Sorry if that's vague, I just don't want to spoil LMAO but rest assured, anything that broaches into more serious / mature / potentially triggering territory will be provided with content warnings ( ´ ▽ ` )

[indigosabyss]

not to go on another crossover brainrot. but consider. dr stone x jujutsu kaisen crossover, w the base premise of ryuusui and kento being cousins.

ikik nanami is a very common surname. but they also both have blond hair, brown(-ish) eyes, and pale skin. Nanami (Kento; sorry im more used to calling him Nanami 😭) also thinks a lot about money once he quits being a sorcerer. Which is obvs meant to talk about real world issues, but also would be in line with Nanami upbringing.

ok this got way longer than i thought, so read more for a major yap session.

Kento is also a really disciplined guy, which fits into the ideals of what the Nanami household wanted Ryuusui to be. Makes him fit perfectly into the Dr Stone world. (also we know ryuusui canonically has a bunch of cousins/siblings he doesn't talk about at all so there's precedent for the family connection too)

On the flipside, Ryuusui has learnt, through real world experience, that he can get anything he wants with enough hard work and money to pave the way. Except jujutsu sorcery. He'll never be capable of that, no matter how much he wants it.

In my mind, the two universes first intersect when Ryuusui sneaks into Jujutsu Tech to see Kento, some time in the guy's second year. Since both universes use the real world calendar, its easy to pinpoint Ryuusui as being eight years younger than Kento.

Nanami Conglomerate isn't a Jujutsu clan. They really are just a regular rich-ass family company, who had a sorcerer randomly. There's some discussion about that. A lot of "damn, nanami's loaded??? why tf can't he get a better hairstylist then" type of shenaniganry.

[Side plot: At that point, Ryuusui isn't the heir at all. (I think if you refuse to let your child into family photographs out of shame, then you are not leaving a trillion-yen company to him) so there's going to be some politicking about on Francois' end to make him heir, with the two cutting a deal for Francois to be his main assistant in everything if they get it done.]

Kento and Ryuusui's relationship is strained, bc Kento has been raised to keep his distance from the black sheep of the family - even tho all Ryuusui has done so far is mess around with the stock market a little bit, so Kento doesn't really get it and talks to him anyway sometimes.

To Ryuusui, however, Kento is like his third-favorite person. (First is Sai, second is Francois) bc his 7-3 ratio technique is very useful for model building and this boy has a talent for sniffing out gifts he can exploit.

So anyway, Sai is off being tutored in economics, moving up several grade levels above his age, and Ryuusui was stuck at the Naval Academy, so he sneaks out to get to Kento, who does not speak about his school and is understandably confused when Ryuusui sneaks in and is discovered by the students.

Gojo in particular is entertained bc at that age he hasn't interacted with many young children before, and he is considering adopting the Fushiguro kid, so he kinda wants to see what he's getting himself into.

Ryuusui is having the time of his life. Everyone treats him so nice! They listen to his stories about his regular life. And then have to take Nanami to the side and break it to him that the entire family was kind of purposefully neglecting these two kids. Which makes him rethink some things about his life and the structures he upholds.

Ryuusui really wants to be a sorcerer. But he can't. So of course he finds an S-tier scientist who may or may not be called Ishigami Senku to science out a solution for him.

Francois - even though I love them with my heart and soul - will also be non-sorcerer here. But armed with cursed tools to defend Ryuusui in case something goes bad on his adventures.

And on top of all that, in the horizon, there looms a Special Grade curse, almost primordial in its age and strength, capable of affecting the entire world in one fell swoop. The Medusa.

[ineffable-opinions]

Omegaverse BL - Japan (Part 1)

[This is a summary of these posts 1 , 2. Corrections and critiques are welcome.]

mibu no tsugai

Omegaverse, which was born in 2015, has become a large [BL sub-]genre with over 1000 works as of 2023.

Omegaverse basics

α/β/Ω settings – a setting wherein beings [usually humans] are divided primarily into male and female and secondarily into α, β, and Ω genders which has huge impacts on their lives. Secondary gender is determined through blood tests taken at school during childhood or adolescence. [While this is the basic premise, there is only one rule – every rule is to be bend and broken.]

α (Alpha) – occupies the highest echelon of this fictional setting. Comprised of talented elites. Male alphas [depending on the work may] have knot at the base of their penis.

β (Beta) – Ordinary. Largest in number. Doesn’t experience heats, release pheromones or have knot. Usually born of β parents.

Ω (Omega) - experience heats, release pheromones that seduces alpha and beta automatically. Both men and women can become pregnant during the heat cycle. Occupies lowest strata of society - below α or β.

Roots

Born in the west – from furry moe culuture that incorporated a now discarded theory of ranking in wolf packs.

Became popular in Japan around 2014. First appeared in derivative works, then in self-published works and finally in commercial BL.

commercial BL debut

“Omegaverse Project” published in March 2015 by Fusion Productions - a BL anthology specializing in Omegaverse.

terminology

pair – A setting-specific bonding established when α bites Ω's nape during coitus during omega’s heat period. Henceforth, paired Ω’s pheromones can only be smelt by his α. Usually lasting till death but if an α unilateral breaks it off, Ω’s health and life itself could be threatened. Sometime, Ω covers their nape with a choker to avoid unintentional pair. In some works, forming pair bond is viewed as destiny and in some others destined pairs exist.

heat - begins in the late teens. Roughly once every few months. Involves strong pheromones secretion and intense lust and desire to breed with heightened fertility almost guaranteeing pregnancy if contraceptives aren’t used. Fated encounters such as those of destined pairs can trigger heat.

heat suppressant – drugs to suppress heat/heat cycles. Some works involves inhibitors that offer complete or partial immunity for alphas from getting pulled into whirlpool of lust. There are individual differences when it comes to compatibility of drugs, and strong side effects may occur.

rut – (sometimes extreme) heats of α. Could be triggered by Ω pheromones and heat. Could be characterized by additional features such as aggression, heightened physical abilities and protectiveness especially towards Ω.

nesting - The act of unconsciously bringing the personal belongings of someone or someone you like into your bed to create your own nest.

bitching - gender change to Ω. Could be triggered by (prolonged) exposure to α pheromones, etc. Converting to α = studding; Converting to β = neutraling.

α or β→Ω: Bitching ビッチング

Ω or β→α: Studding スタディング

α or Ω→β: Neutering ニュータリング

(To read more about gender changes)

Everything associated with omegaverse vary from work to work.

-

α (seme) x Ω (uke) – royal road progression (odo) of omegaverse

Kono Te wo Hanasanai de by Sakimoto Saki

Kamisama Nanka Shinjinai Bokura no Eden by Ichinose Yuma

unconventional – works that overturn the premise

α・β×Ω Romantic Joutou by Moriyo

Ω×α Boku no High Spec Kareshi-sama by Yotsuashi

β×Ω City ​​Lights Birthday by Hongou Chika

α×α Bokura wa Unmei Janai by Binzoko Keima

α×? Kowamote no Rinjin ga Ω datta Toki no Taishohou by Nikuya Inui

(source)

Looking at popular works and what made them popular

Commercial BL manga - works listed in chil-chil.net

Commercial BL novel - works listed in chil-chil.net

2015 Dawn of the Commercial BL Omegaverse

Omegaverse Project – omegaverse as niche [sub-]genre. Therefore, what got published was also content did not conform to the mainstream:

 Romantic Joutou by Moriyo - β×Ω pairing

Sayonara Koibito, Mata Kite Tomodachi by Yoha – disturbing content including a violent r4pe.

Paradigm Shift by Pii - β becomes Ω

Content catering towards a niche audience.

The popularity of these three works mark a big turning point for omegaverse which from the onset was willing to go beyond the framework.

2016 Birth of popular series, popularization of Omegaverse

Kashikomarimashita, Destiny by Sachimo

Another masterpiece that not only soared to popularity but also became gateway for may new fans. Characteristics – setting akin to medieval Europe, α×β, fighting fate and instinct.

Tadaima Okaeri by Ichikawa Ichi

A slice of life BL that tipped its toe into severe social circumstances such as familiar disapproval surrounding marriage and discrimination based on secondary gender which probably struck too close to home for some reader’s comfort. In the same vein, Kurui Naku no wa Boku no Ban by Kusabi Keri depicted omega sacrificing his body for the sake of promotion. Another popular manga that catered to niche interest was Pendulum: Kemonohito Omegaverse by Hasumi Hana.

2017 the Year of KUSEGATSUYOI!

(クセが強い = unique)

The three highest rated works from this year are unique and pushes a bunch of boundaries.

Sayonara Alpha by Ichinashi Kimi – shota α in a fated mates/destined pair narrative

 Ai to Makoto by Moriyo – α・Ω×Ω 3P with twins (α & Ω). Moreover, Ω twin is riba.

Shounen no Kyoukai by Akabeko – looks like odo but is far from it.

Omegaverse seem to make a lot of unsual plotlines palatable – at least better than regular settings.

2018 Light-hearted comedic works trend

2018 witnessed a 180 degree turn in terms of what got really famous. It was a year of lighter works. Even the covers are lighter.

Kekkon Shite Kudasai! by Tsurugi Ichiro – unique Ω

Megumi to Tsugumi by SI Mitsuru

Both of them are comedies that would appeal even to those who are not necessarily into omegaverse.

Okusama wa Alpha by Natsushita Fuyu - α×α romantic comedy involving α uke struggling with gender roles while seeking professional help along with his husband and α pregnancy.

Gender doesn’t matter, what matters is you!

Omegaverse is finally a popular BL sub-genre.

2019 Finally! A Odo Work is the most popular

[I too am frankly surprised by how long it took for an odo omegaverse to become the most popular.] This is probably due to the expansion in readership base – as it is no longer a niche interest, expanded readership is probably most comfortable with works that are easy-to-understand odo omegaverse.

Kiraide Isasete by Hijiki

Anti Alpha by Okuda Waku

Both these works featured odo

Yukyu Omega by Fujimine Shiki – broke away from the popular imagination of a pitable Ω

2020 Speedy & Business Relationships

Meppou Yatara to Yowaki ni Kiss by Koshino – destined pair but not the type they are into

Unmei no Tsugai ga Omae da Nante by Haruta – mate finding service, a reflection of IRL dating apps

Maku ga Oritara Bokura wa Tsugai by Zarame Same

Are you really into me or just my body?

2021 Omegaverse as a habit of living things

Kamisama Nanka Shinjinai Bokura no Eden by Ichinose Yuma – depicts [what-if] first α and Ω characters ever.

Gochisou Ω wa Chuu to Naku by Hanasawa Namio – funny and heartwarming depiction of apex predator behavior paired with beastman omegaverse

2022 Omegaverse + A New World View

While in 2021 works that viewed α, Ω, and β as from a new perspective became popular, 2022 saw popularity moving to works with unique worldviews.

Ruby Red wo Kamikudaku by Saku Hiro – Ω can see pheromones.

Aijitsu to Hanayome by Nagisa Ayumu – sweet romance between God α x villager Ω in the backdrop of a setting wherein Ω are offered as sacrifice to God due to their lust-inducing nature.

Kono Te wo Hanasanai de by Sakimoto Saki – α×Ω odo omegaverse that depicts the burden associated with each [secondary] gender.

Omegaverse BL works that are popular range from those with classic progession (odo; royal road) to those with unique worldviews. This sub-genre with a premise rife with rigid class system and reinforced discriminations has become a sanctuary for narratives that emphasizes looking beyond gender.

(source)

PART 1 (you are here)

PART 2

[trulybetty]

Sunday | Week In Review VI

A bit of a slow week this week - nothing much really happened. Got some writing done, announced some things I'm working on and worked on my TBR list. Odd week as my notifications just disappeared and felt a little disconnected. Things seem to be back on track *fingers crossed* - so lets get on with this weeks review...

Truly Betty Updates This Week…

Strings Part V Mood Board

Salt Water Soft Launch

Autumnal Offerings

Fics I Enjoyed This Week…

How Good It Is (Benny Miller) by @wildemaven Fully on the Benny train, this scratched the itch this week with this delightfully wonderful piece of fluff with a delightful touch of spice and I can't wait to get more insights to this couple's relationship.

A Safe Haven Drabble (Joel Miller) by @darkroastjoel You don’t have to have read the series to appreciate the angst in this small little drabble that packs a punch. Explores Joel’s feelings on the impending arrival of Tommy’s child with the grief of missing Sarah and it manages to do it all in less than 600 words beautifully. 

Your Hand In Mine (Joel Miller) by @thelightsandtheroses This is a great opening to a new series and it's such a great opening premise that will have you wanting to find out what happens next and in eager anticipation of what is to come next.

Open Mic Night (Marcus Pike) by @secretelephanttattoo No denying it anymore, I’m ankle-deep in this Pike Puddle and this is an excellent example of what keeps me content with damp *ahem* feet… Are you one of those who forgot it's canon that Marcus was a part of a band? This one-shot is here to remind you with a bang!

Clouds (Joel Miller) by @softlyspector This is incredibly soft with a few hard edges - allusions to events from TLOU2, but no spoilers and no golfing. Highly recommend a read of this.

Little Monsters (Dieter Bravo) by @chronically-ghosted Dad Dieter was not the trope I thought I needed, but here we are and I can’t get enough. This is all what I picture Dieter as a father being like. This is equal parts fluff with equal parts spice which makes for a delightful read! 

For the Night (Agent Ortega) by @ladamedusoif I think the pilot hit the web for all of a couple of hours before we were blessed with this delight. As far as I am concerned this is what the pilot should have been, it’s deliciously raunchy and I may have read it several times. 

Delta Landscaping | Chapter 5 (Triple Frontier Boys) by @rhoorl I don’t know if I still have words for my thots feelings on this update to this series. So please accept this gif and go get caught up, and if you've not read it? What are you waiting for?

Spinning in the Rain (Frankie Morales) by @frenchiereading This is like the best kind of fluff, it's atmospheric, it's indulgent, it's sweet and it's Frankie - what more can you ask for? Oh, and it's based off a song that I already adored and this makes for one to go back to for re-read.

All I Need (Frankie Morales) by @frenchiereading Mel has such a way with these perfect snippets of fluff and romance that make your heart swell and this is another example of this. I can't do it justice, you just need to read it to experience it!

Exposed (Ezra) by @maggiemayhemnj This was a delightful debut and a great read that flowed just as well as Ezra's poetic prose, which Maggie manages to capture perfectly. If you are a fan of Prospect and Ezra, you will not be disappointed!

Personal Day (Marcus Pike) by @sin-djarin If I'm staying in the puddle, I'm going to make sure it's in good company with fanfics like this one! If Marcus Pike is going to ask me to come back to bed for five more minutes, who am I to deny the man?

Shared Breaths | Chapter 9 (Frankie Morales) by @frenchiereading It's a triple header here for @frenchiereading! The slow burn of the first eight chapters pays off with a bang here and, it does not disappoint! If you're late to the game like I am on this excellent story, I very much recommend jumping in because it does not disappoint!

Posts I Enjoyed This Week…

The thots were truly alive and well on this Narcos gifset. I don't think the image of this post is burned into the back of my eyelids. Also, might have prompted some non-Narcos writing somewhere in the WIP pile...

Thoughts on the contents of the Delta Landscaping Yelp page? We got you here!

@goodwithcheese's book recommendations! I'm off this week and hoping to get some reading done between parental activities.

Things I’ve Enjoyed This Week…

I got four episodes deep on Wrestlers, a Netflix original docu-series on OVW, a Wrestling farm out of Florida that was once where the WWE sent its superstars to cut their teeth before making their debut. I once upon a time was a big WWE fan, so this has been an interesting watch. I'd recommend it too even if you're not a wrestling fan as there are some interesting stories from both those who run it and those who live it.

This Week’s Song…

On a N'Sync kick this week with the rumours that they're going to be reuniting for more than just the Trolls 3 soundtrack/movie. I will be feral if the rumour of a reunion tour materializes!

Happy Sunday all! Here's to a great week ahead!

B 💕 x

[spontaneousglitterbees]

It's been mentioned that Kokichi has some phantom pains and he has clear mobility issues (love that btw as someone who uses a cane), so I was curious how the rest of the class is doing in that regard. Does Kaito ever struggle to breathe or have coughing fits? Do Rantaro and Angie get migraines?

[Talent Acquisition Pilot Program AU Masterpost]

This one. This one got away from me.

tl;dr: Absolutely, Anon, we are on very similar pages! This ask really got me thinking about how the whole TAPP!cast is doing fresh out of the Killing Game. Every student in Class 79 is going through something, about now, be it physical or mental; in fact, it’s usually both.

Also: for sure, I want to try and be relatively true-to-life with their struggles, especially Kokichi’s. I write from personal experience living with chronic pain, but haven’t used a cane before. Apologies if I miss the mark at any point.

Obligatory disclaimer: I am not a healthcare professional of any kind and the AU’s premise is largely sci-fi, so there may be inaccuracies. That said, I am fascinated with biomechanics and always looking to learn, so I’m trying to keep things at least semi-plausible.

Full spoilers for Danganronpa V3 (and some for the end of SDR2) ahead!

Very Long Loredump (~6.2k words) under the cut:

HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?

Everyone is traumatized. That much is obvious, sure, but the Talent Acquisition Pilot Program (TAPP) is a virtual reality simulator based on the bones of the Neo World Program (NWP). In much the way SDR2’s NWP is purported to replicate death in the simulation in the players’ real bodies, the TAPP simulation is built to alter the brain chemistry of its participants. TAPP builds muscle memory and ‘burns’ new neural pathways to a participant’s Default Mode Network (DMN), a collective term for parts of the brain responsible for letting us “autopilot” common tasks like riding a bike or typing on a keyboard. The V3 cast’s experiences in the simulation impact their real bodies in a very literal sense to ‘speedrun’ them through orientation at Hope’s Peak and mainstream them in the curriculum as quickly as possible so its researchers can start collecting useful data on the merits of HPA for investors.

The problem is, nobody programming TAPP anticipated they would start killing each other.

Class 79 were the first human test subjects for the program with zero peer review or board approval, of course, because HPA is morally dubious and can pass off “dude, trust me” as genuine credentials to several world governments. Even if this massive oversight was not noticed until after the fact, V1 of TAPP did at least include one quasi-safety feature: if any player became “significantly injured”, that player would be ejected from the simulation. Everyone else would be locked in the simulation (in case one of them was involved and tried to evade consequences) until an administrator could come and manually assess the situation. In theory, the physically-unharmed student could rejoin the simulation once the conflict was resolved.

But TAPP was built to write data to the brain. It was not built to identify what data it’s actually writing, and cannot differentiate between playing the piano and getting smashed in a hydraulic press. Data is data.

It does not help that Team Danganronpa (the group of Reserve Course kids, including Tsumugi) are foolish teenagers entirely unaware of this, assuming that “none of it is real, so none of it will actually matter! we’re just scaring them!” While skimming through the code and thoroughly Knowing Not What They Do, they manage to remove any defined cap for what constitutes ‘significant injury’ before player ejection. The only flag that can set it off is a lack of any other player flags. Virtual death.

This is where Rantaro earns the title of “Ultimate Survivor”. The shotput ball put him down too quickly for the damage to be fully reflected in his physical body, so he managed to get ejected with post-concussive symptoms, short-term memory issues, and persistent migraines instead of fully dying. Were his method of death much slower, he’d likely have been screwed (and wouldn’t have Komaeda’s luck cycle to save him).

Time scales differently in TAPP than in the physical world; while Rantaro’s been at the virtual Academy for several days, the students have been strapped in their pods for a few hours at most. Between the Responsible Older Sibling Energy seared over the person he may have been before and an extant knack for escape room puzzles, Amami is The Man with the skills and motivation to call in backup.

It’s a good thing he did, too! Their “observer”, having tired of watching a bunch of students play the piano and run around outside, only figures out something has gone horribly wrong the moment Rantaro practically busts down the door. The next tense hour-plus is spent doing damage control and imposing limits on the code of the simulation to prevent TAPP from letting the students actually die. Unfortunately, the TDR kids and their takeover took a sizeable chunk out of the spaghetti code holding the whole thing together in their haste. TDR, with proposed talents like Ultimate Cosplayer on their side, are primarily concerned with artistry and are only competent-enough programmers. As a result, there is no obvious way to manually override the lock completely and just let the students out without significant defragging, even as TDR members are still actively messing with the code, and who knows how long that will take. (About 6-ish chapters)

Instead, for now, they’ll have to settle for putting as many programming-adjacent talents as possible on the case and exploit a loophole that panicking overseer managed to write: if the remaining students are systematically ejected, the program will bypass the lock and let them out. During the rescue operation, the main objective is first to minimize the physical damage TAPP can inflict by lowering the tolerance required to eject the students (which is easier said than done) and by dampening its neural-carving functions, then to get everyone left out of there.

It is a very good thing they sprung into action as quickly as they did, as it doesn’t take long for Kaede to arrive.

KAEDE

The first thing Kaede notices coming out of the simulation is that she can’t hum the notes to get back on-pitch after the worst rendition of Der Flohwalzer she has ever heard. The second thing she notices, because it is far easier to be angry about something trivial than face the slow-dawning realization you are having, is that she can only barely speak. It hurts.

I think Kaede learns to sign early on, but still finds herself trying to speak aloud anyway since she’s so used to having her hands busy already playing piano. Shuichi often reminds her to take it easy, treat it like a vocal rest, and steadily she begins to improve. She is as exuberant as ever, with determination fitting of our protagonist. Kaede is the Class 79 representative, though with his renewed confidence Shuichi often accompanies her. Not only are they best friends (though it is strange, at first, to see her alive after spending so long grieving. Kaede last saw him, like, yesterday.) and Kaede will inevitably tell Shuichi all about the meeting anyway so why not cut out the middle man,  but Shuichi initially came specifically to speak at meetings so Kaede wouldn’t strain her voice. She is immensely proud.

RANTARO (PT. 2)

Rantaro doesn’t hold the shotput ball against her; desperate times, and all. It made sense her proactive attitude would make her first to act for the ‘greater good’. She aimed to end the whole thing, not just comply. Even if she swung and missed, he (an older brother with faint recollections of failing to protect the people depending on him and guilt knowing he doesn’t have the stomach to take a victim and thus will be failing people in need of protection again) can’t fault her for swinging. She is confused when he asks her how she launched the ball that hard, though. Odd.

TENKO

Tenko has neck pain issues like Kaede, but hers are more acute. The seesaw effect was heinous but relatively precise; as the magnum opus of TDR’s homebrewed serial killer, they un/fortunately made him pretty good at it when he has a plan. Tenko has some of the least devastating lingering physical injuries of the class. Given the severity of her classmates’ injuries, though, that still leaves her with minor vocal strain, susceptibility to sore throats, and severe neck pain, among other things.

A lot of Tenko’s lingering trauma is mental: she isn’t quite as willing to immediately throw herself into the fray to help her friends, and certainly doesn’t want to leave her back exposed (a tendency she shares with Kokichi, of all people). While it did numbers on her perception of men again for a while, hearing about the trial left her with a lot to reconcile. In a ‘cool-motive-still-murder’ way, she does not forgive Kiyo (nor is she obligated to) but doesn’t hate him as much as she expected, either. Processing the idea that a girl could be horribly abusive, especially to a guy, and catalyze a cycle of violence… gets to her. She’s more wrapped up in the tragedy of the entire situation than the righteous indignation that’d fueled her for so long. Everybody lost that day.

She’s pleasantly surprised to see Himiko trying to lift her spirits now. Those two have a lot to talk about and boundaries to set, yes, but Tenko is still touched Himiko took her words to heart and seems to be benefiting from it.

ANGIE

Angie had bit more complicated situation than Tenko, getting KO’d before the fatal blow. Her migraines come on more often than Rantaro’s with high light, which is a special kind of awful for the SHSL Artist, but they’re generally closer to a dull ache. Once she gets going on a project she sets out to grin and bear it; Tenko and Himiko often check up on her. She does her best to stay just as upbeat as in the simulation, and if anything it seems more genuine now. She can actually relax, rather than mind-game her way to relative (unsteady) peace under duress.

(Angie is really interesting to me for many adjacent reasons to Kokichi, since they’re both willing to get morally gray and manipulative if it’ll keep everyone from killing each other. Angie-Kokichi compare contrast essay when?)

She hasn’t “forgiven” Kiyo either, but isn’t hostile while she evaluates whether or not his conviction in getting help and being better is genuine. She was pretty heavily affected by TDR’s “character rewrites” as well, after all, and empathizes with the feeling you’ve been used as a glorified dress-up doll. To some unknowable extent, she is a different person now, and it is frightening.

She’s trying to step back and re-analyze her sense of spirituality, particularly how it relates to her art. It’s existentially harrowing, having been made to toe the line between faith and fronting to either get people to either listen to her or not see her as a threat. She’s not even positive “Kami-sama” (not going with the localization here, my understanding is the Japanese version was deliberately more generic and at least a bit less disrespectful towards real people and their beliefs) is the same deity she’d believed in before TAPP, but it’s difficult to try and reconnect with your roots when none of you have any information on your previous lives.

They do, at least, have a resident anthropologist that might have a clue how to even start looking.

Hah. They sure do, huh.

I think Angie is the type to nominally forgive and never, ever forget. She holds the kind of grudge that lives beyond logic as all the compartmentalized emotions you don’t want to admit you have. A grudge that co-exists with an active desire to move on and seeps into her art.

KOREKIYO

Kiyo got burned.

Alive.

Also dead, somehow, an extension of the Ultimate Placebo Effect we have going on in the simulation; Kiyo was so certain ghosts were real and he’d be one that, through earnest conviction, the simulation made it so. I think this is how Komaeda’s luck works in SDR2 as well; the original Neo World Program was developed for therapy, and in doing so assesses whether or not it would be completely devastating (do more harm than good) to actively disprove something about the patient’s worldview at that time and adapts the environment accordingly. Hence you get a reality-warping luck cycle and ghosts are Definitely Real. Is either true in the outside world? No idea! Komaru talks to a ghost in UDG, once, but considering it’s unclear if Kiyo’s sister was ever a living person to begin with there are bigger fish to fry.

Or not. He’s pretty damn-well aware much that hurts. Or at least being boiled and seasoned does. Going by that kind of simulator-logic, I think in a technical sense it was the salt that killed him, not the torture. There’s probably something to unpack there I haven’t fully explored yet.

Rumors start going around campus that Kiyo is a vampire. It makes enough sense for watercooler gossip, the mask covering up fangs and an aversion to lingering out in the sun; Class 79 knows it’s actually because sunburn, for him, is a new brand of Unfun. He prefers to hole up in the library or his lab anyway, so it could be worse. He’s honestly kind of into becoming a school cryptid. It helps transition him from “avoiding my classmates and other people because they hate me, i also hate me, and we are all correct to do so. i am an extension of her so it does not matter what i want” towards “i am not my past, i cannot make up for what ive done but i can move forward and be better, i am forging a new self and it is mine this time and it always should have been”.

(Kokichi is particularly proud of having kickstarted the cryptid thing. Of course Shinguji would love to watch the evolution of new local lore in real time! Now he doesn’t mope in the corner half as much. He’s still in the corner, granted, but its probably reading while Rantaro sits next to him on his phone instead of moping!)

Kiyo’s also in therapy now. They all have therapy scheduled into their school weeks, but Kiyo has a session besides. Fabrication or not, everyone’s backstories are functionally now ‘real’ and need to be dealt with. Kiyo, Maki, and Kokichi got hit particularly hard on that front. Those scars run deep, but are starting to heal.

Of the students with whole-body injuries, Kiyo probably has the most manageable physical symptoms at this stage. He has to have long sleeves and generally keep as covered as he can so that he can subdue the part of his mind that expects the skin is still raw and flaking (it isn’t, but phantom sensations suck). Overheating pushes him toward a panic state like the end of his trial, which doesn’t exactly gel with the first point, but he’s working on it. Rantaro and Kokichi, occasionally Shuichi, tend to notice and start to defuse the situation. Part of me wonders if he’d have a black lace parasol on sunny days to lean in to the ‘mystery’ around him, plus for the sheer Aesthetic of it.

KIRUMI

Speaking of full-body injuries: Kirumi. She has similar ‘got-to-keep-covered’ issues to Kiyo, particularly wearing heavier work gloves now just to minimize any potential for cuts (and, in the back of her mind, ropeburn). Breaking several bones on impact was rough, though fast enough that she’s had remarkable improvement in a relatively short period of time. She started out on crutches, which made it difficult for her to keep up with her workaholic inclinations, but unlike some of the other students she has at least an idea of “when to quit” as not to make things worse. She’s still genuinely lost some bone density resulting from her treatment and coping methods, finding that she really does need to lean on her friends on occasion, but she is still resolute she is a care-giver, damn it. On both physical and mental fronts she’s dealing with reclaiming her agency and independence.

Kirumi is one of the few, with Maki, whose talent courses actively discourage the kinds of behavior they need for personal growth and mental health maintenance. Kirumi is still reconciling her “rewrite”, the encoded passivity in her and clash of her “selfless devotion” against her own will to live and thrive, a nightmarish reminder that You Are Not Your Own. The “Ultimate” maid needs to be agreeable, to follow orders, and hasn’t the tampering just improved her proficiency at her craft? Why be so upset? Never mind having to reconstruct her proper ability to tell people “no”, having to re-learn it’s okay to do things for yourself; according to her programmed instinct, her classes, those very things are antithetical to her talent. And everything relies on that talent, doesn’t it?

Kirumi and Kokichi are the two in Class 79 who were discharged with mobility devices that got students in the other classes… more than mildly concerned about what the hell happened to all of these freshmen (well, first year at HPA anyway), but luckily for HPA administration they’re also probably the two people least likely to offer details.

THE RIBS

There are enough students who have chest pain and associated issues that they made a club about it. It started out as Miu, Ryoma, and Kaito all independently concluding there was no way in hell they were making it through a mile run and sitting on the bleachers. Once they’d had an opportunity to gather themselves again, they do as teens are wont to do and started talking to each other. Hypoxia is an oddly effective experience to bond over. They call themselves the RIBs, standing for “Respiratory-Issue Beleaguered” (students), mostly because it made Miu laugh and for as irritating as the sound could be they’d missed it.

Kaede, Tenko, Gonta, and Kokichi also stop by from time-to-time, meaning precisely half of the 14 active Class 79 students revolving-door through this unofficial student group. HPA took notice. Class 79 has its own gym class, now, taking into account the state of everyone. One could argue that should have been the case from the onset. They would be correct.

RYOMA

Ryoma is fairly elusive. He generally keeps to himself and remains a Fairly Chill Guy with a cool temperament everyone wants to emulate (he doesn’t see what they see in him) and some Complicated Feelings now knowing he hasn’t killed anyone in the certified Real World and, by logic, should not have to have the memories of a hardened prisoner. He still does.  The persistent rasp in his voice now surprises nobody, but it took a few days for everyone in the class to stop flinching a little hearing it. He frequently hangs out in the animal shed with Gonta, Gundham, and Peko to take care of the cats.

MIU

We’ve seen quite a bit of Miu in the AU so far, but to recap a lot of her deal:

She loathes having to “take it easy” but will do so reluctantly

She tries to talk less to stretch out her working time as much as she can (even if she can’t resist just a little banter when Kokichi swings by)

She’s trying to approach her death with a sense of humor. A choker with a huge heart-shaped buckle replaces her usual necklaces with full awareness of the irony. Ha-ha, a choker. It’s a dare for anybody to bring it up, ‘I’ve said it before anyone else could’. The first thing she did waking up was try and make an autoerotic asphyxiation joke. It did not make her feel better like she thought it would.

Miu spends most of her time in her lab, now. Granted, she did that already, but she’s particularly fixated on re-creating a certain Ultimate Robot, ground-up if she has to. Fortunately, she has a team assembled (re: two upperclassmen and the Ultimate Supreme Shit-for-brains). We’ll see how this pans out soon enough.

When not re-building Kiibo outright, she ““takes a break”” innovating in other areas (re: prototyping potential features for kIIbo, usually testing them on a bored Kokichi. He usually complies because Miu is one of the few who doesn’t look at him with a patronizing amount of pity she’s Not boring. Mm-hmm. All there is to it.)

Miu does not resent Gonta (or Kokichi, for that matter) for killing her. There's a small extent to which she's a little relieved she was stopped from going through with her plan to kill Kokichi, and a much bigger disconnect between her idea of reality and her memory of Chapter 4. Miu died in a VR game within another VR game. Having messed around with the programming and guts of the nested simulation personally, it still seems fake. She didn't really die, no matter how real it felt; they were in a simulation. Logically, she's well aware of how it works and the consequences, but it doesn't feel like it was more than a glorified fever dream on an emotional level. Both Gonta and Kokichi are more outwardly traumatized by her death than Miu as a byproduct of how she's processing it. She's not "better off" or "less impacted" so much as "disassociated from the whole thing and very much wanting to put it behind them before it catches up with her", thus burying herself in work and trying as hard as she can to bring back the one person she wants to comfort her.

Kiibo's absence is not great for her abandonment issues. It is hard to blame him when he never had a physical body to begin with, though. 

GONTA

Gonta is also with the RIBs, and reeling from it the most visibly of everyone on account of just how. Much, his death was. An allergic reaction blocking off the air, puncturing at least one lung for certain, and living long enough to feel the shrapnel of the laptop lodge into the wound alongside the scythe, the fire quickly eating away any oxygen, any hope of gasping another breath… yeah no he acts as much the gentleman as ever but he is not okay. As Resident Buff Nature Boy Gonta tanked it better than anyone else in the class could have, but the sheer excess of the thing gets to him. Fond memories of setting a campfire in the woods with his adoptive family are overwritten, vespidae in general… hitting differently. But Gonta is kind, to a fault. More resolute than ever to make himself into a kind of person not perceived as ‘too intimidating’ to be friends with, acknowledging the capacity he has for violence is difficult. Somewhere deep down he knows that everybody does, especially in their circumstances, but still acts as though his case is exceptionally bad (nobody else does. This does not deter him, becoming a little less gullible when its least helpful).

He is also not as disconcerted by the occasional spontaneous sensation that your insides are going to lose structural integrity, even with no stitches to pop, that with only the damaged wake and no piercing sharp pain to focus on and blame for the mess could potentially be perceived as a bizarre, abstracted kind of crawling feeling from the inside-out. Things in motion, displaced from where they are meant to be. He knows it isn’t bugs, isn’t glass and metal and plastic, that it isn’t anything but himself. A teeny-tiny part of him wishes it were. At least being shelter for a hive of some sort would be helpful. Aren’t gentlemen helpful, they improve life for people, make things better and how could anyone even look at you again knowing what you’re capable of, who in their right mind would talk to you, you’re going to end up alone again talking to stray cats in the alley since not even the wolves would stay—

Gonta also has extra therapy. He already had to work out self-worth issues, but the game pushed them to interfere too much in daily life not to actively work on.

KAITO

Kaito has made several background and supporting appearances without much central attention just yet. It's not that I don't like him or anything (I do!) but I guess because it seems like well-worn territory in V3 fic to me? Kaito is endlessly proud of Maki and Shuichi (Himiko too, less personally) for "winning" in the face of the killing game, and the training trio of them meet back up again regularly. Only.

It's different, now. 

He's no longer sick and dying, but his lungs 'top out' at a certain level of activity and refuse to take in more air, this burning sensation that leaves him only able to huff and wheeze and brings his training regiment to a dead stop. He treasures those last moments in his failed execution where he got to see the stars, because a lingering anxiety in the back of his mind won't let him forget that he never will again. Not the way he'd dreamed of, the way he'd planned to, the way he'd centered his identity around. There is no way, as things are, that he will pass all the physical exams to become a proper astronaut. 

The drawn-out deterioration of his health during the simulation chipped away at his physical lungs at a rate too gradual for the countermeasures the rescue team implemented; TAPP did more overt physical damage to Kaito than anyone else. It could certainly be worse and he is gradually improving, but some degree of it is permanent. It haunts him. He's trying not to think about it.

It does, though, drive a wedge between him and his sidekicks; the survivors are planning their futures, and Kaito is not too far from a slight tailspin without any idea what his might look like for the first time he can recall. Space has been the dream since he was a kid (as has getting there in this specific role) and it almost feels like a rejection. Like he got too cocky, and the cosmos decided it didn't want him. 

It starts to make a little more sense, then, that he starts willingly hanging out with Kokichi. They went through the hangar together, of course, but even besides the traumabond (and a need to, after he woke from his coma, make sure the little brat is still alive, damn it, you can't run away anymore it counts now) but. If anyone else gets having such drastically shifted circumstances that life as you'd imagined it no longer makes logistical sense, it's probably the leader without an organization. There's no need to explain the feelings of inadequacy, or the aimlessness, going through the motions of classes and formal education because what the hell else am I going to do, right now? It's familiar. 

Kokichi needs someone willing to chase him, no matter how circuitous the route becomes. Kaito needs someone willing to shake him by the shoulders and snap him out of his own head, so sure it's all-or-nothing and that if he can't be the Luminary as he'd dreamed of it whatever happens next is immaterial in comparison. Kaito needs to adapt and roll with the punches, Kokichi needs to double back from his logical leaps from point A to point Q and articulate his thoughts clearly to other people (at least some of the time.) The two of them concoct little daily and weekly rituals, like Kokichi stealing Kaito's notebook and drawing in it, just because the consistency of company reminds them both that they aren't the only one going through this. 

None of the other students quite get it, but have come to accept it.

KOKICHI

Then there’s Kokichi.

Ah, Kokichi, whose whole deal in this scenario inspired me to write about this AU at all (and who manages to weasel his way into every comic and a other entries in these notes) . I’m biased, I know, but there are also a few reasons he’s singled out in-universe as well:

A) So a hydraulic press does not slam down quickly. The pause-and-play of the video deliberately makes it look much faster than it was; watching enough of the hydraulic press channel makes it abundantly clear that it was not instant. Kokichi was impaled with two crossbow bolts (the one in the back being bad enough already), poisoned by those bolts, and then pressed. He had to have felt non-zero of the Pressing, which, considering it already had to be agony before bones started breaking… the rest of the class might not have been fond of him, sure, but he’s right there with Gonta on “sheer level of excess.” Not even Maki is at a point of wishing that on him. Not after finding out how drawn out and excruciating it was. Veering into headcanon, I’m going to add “sleep deprivation” on the pile as exacerbating the whole thing, given his conspiracy whiteboard and everything after the concussion, honestly.

Combined with the World’s Worst Placebo Effect, King Horse takes the crown for top “my entire body hurts most of the time” severity. It’s not a desirable one, but when your previous life is all but erased there is exactly one choice available between Big and Home. Let it be said Kokichi Ouma has never half-assed anything he’s set his mind to, ever.

B) Ouma is paranoid and distrusting, which adds the psychological angle of “you literally shot me in the back” to a poison-laced crossbow bolt in his mind. TAPP will very literally never let him forget the bolt burying itself in the muscle of his back, barely kept from severing his spinal cord; he won’t forget the shivering and shaking from the poison, or the bile rising in the back of his throat handing Kaito the antidote. (He still wanted to live. He forfeit the right, he thought, after getting Gonta and Miu killed, but he still wanted to. That was all the more reason to quadruple-down on the press idea and making their three deaths mean something, damn it. Three, because Kaito could live. If the killing game ends there is no execution. It’ll be over. Can’t take back the past, but at least one of the pair of you has to walk out of this forsaken place!)

(… Can you really believe that? Or is it just another lie.

A lie you want, with all the heart they’re so sure you do not have, to blithely believe. There has to be a cure for whatever the hell has gotten into Kaito once the game ends and they can look for it, it might even stop cold the moment the game ends. That dumbass space cadet can go back to his sidekicks and he better appreciate it, the comradery you’ll never have, because he is the designated Hero and Heroes get happy endings. You want-want-want-want to trust in that lie, to trust him with the collected thoughts and notes and pieces of you spilled across reams of paper that have been so pointlessly important for you to keep secret this whole time. For once in your life, you want to believe you will not be betrayed. You want to believe in the closest thing you have left to a friend.

It will, in fact, be the last thing you do.)

C) Ouma is paranoid and distrusting. Again. Only this flavor has more to do with his persistent denial anything is wrong, in turn making things a lot worse for himself. Mental trauma and impressions of physical sensations can have physical effects. Clinging to his persona and trying to keep bouncing around like nothing ever happened turned a very difficult but potentially manageable condition into small amounts of permanent nerve damage within the first day of waking up. It screws with his coordination; just what he needed at a school that prizes talent above all else, when he is a leader with no organization and proficiencies in sleight of hand, forgery, lockpicking, and generally evading anything that might threaten him because he can’t take very many hits.

Whoops.

D) Kokichi was last of the class to wake up from the simulation, even after the survivors. They thought he was actually dead for a bit. Just when they were thinking of  giving up on him Kokichi Ouma, SHSL Stubborn Son of a Bitch, refuses to stay down for the count.

HPA already knew Class 79 would need accommodations on account of their negligence, but it became much harder to sweep things under the rug when they thought they’d actually killed a student. Even worse, thirteen witnesses have been actively fraternizing and scaled the flashback-gaslighting required to cover it up to easily exceed what their current technology is capable of.

Half the class was positive Ouma was playing dead specifically to fuck with them and light the fire under them to act. He and Kaito are the only ones to know without a shred of doubt that he was not. He still gladly takes the credit, though.

E) Class 79 as a whole already adapted to Ouma Being Ouma, so when the definition of ‘Being Ouma’ expanded he’s still pretty distinct. He hangs out around the people closest to him often, particularly Miu, Kaito, and Rantaro, but the entire class knows now that he’s pretty much beyond the point of perfidy. Even if he were to lie about being in more pain than he is at a given moment, there’s constantly enough underlying truth in how vulnerable he is that it’s not strategically worth trying to use as a manipulative tactic. It’s too real. Plus, he knows better than to boy-that-cried-wolf his way out of help from his classmates after getting lost on campus once and fainting before he found his way back.

K1-B0

K1-B0, as far as has been established, is being re/built. Miu is spearheading the project. Presumably, he is currently hanging out on at least one computer in the school, somewhere. Per the AU, though, Chapter 6 did go a bit differently than canon, so we’ll catch up with him soon.

TSUMUGI

Nobody is exactly certain what happened to Shirogane. Or, at the very least, nobody in the class knows. Admin is certainly not about to tell them. Wouldn’t it be just like the Ultimate Cosplayer to Theseus her way back into their lives following a single loose thread…

THE SURVIVORS

Shuichi, Maki, and Himiko each emerged from the simulation minimally physically harmed in a lasting sense beyond initial fatigue from being hooked up for so long. Each is still moving forward on their established character arc: Himiko is finding her motivation, Maki is learning to open up, and Shuichi is becoming more sure of himself and his detective abilities.

I think Himiko begins embracing the 'stage' side of her magic, considering that TAPP was blocking my mana, and you know what? I survived a killing game, and I didn't even need it. What else can I do without my mana? As time goes on, she'll likely value her own practical skills more rather than relying on her want of more fantastical powers. Not to say she'd disown them, but more that she could admit to herself it's more for fun than a need to affix something exceptional to her identity. She is enough as she is.

Maki enters HPA and immediately requests transfer out of 'Ultimate Assassin' classes. She hates fighting, per canon, and after going through the simulation she is no longer afraid of any authority figure that may deny her because she has certifiably seen worse. She initially tries to pivot and become the Ultimate Child Caregiver, for Real This Time; she is genuinely pretty good with kids. After a little incident nearly choking Kokichi, though? It confirms what she'd been afraid of all along: her patience is too thin, her instinct to defend too heavy on the trigger. She talks to Peko about it, among other people, Mukuro and Sakura chief among the other classes. She'd made their acquaintances during combat training in the first few days at HPA. She especially confides in Kaede, who carries a more-domestic-less-battlescorn perspective on it she can't help but appreciate. Kaede takes her to not-Claire's, playing with accessories and make-up and generally reclaiming some of the girlhood Maki has effectively never been allowed to have. In the whole process, Maki realizes she wants more than anything to protect the ability to have that kind of frivolity, that freedom: she changes tracks again, to become a SHSL Bodyguard.

Shuichi is a difficult one to place for me, exactly. He's in a state of becoming significantly more confident in the wake of the simulation, but the deviation from canon has turned the main conflict away from ending a destructive cycle and towards fighting the idea of predetermination by an external force. Shirogane was predetermined to stay in the Reserve Course despite her skills and aspirations, and railed against it; Kiibo was predetermined to be an AI helper and not a person, but embraced the role so hard he developed a soul of his own; Maki denies her talent and changes her destiny, Himiko embraces hers.

I suppose Saihara must fall somewhere in the middle, then. An observer steadfastly declaring that yes, there were aspects of life shaped for them beyond their control (entry into the simulation if they wanted a taste of success, the killing game, the "character rewrites" overriding the people they were before...) and yes they cannot control everything. What happened has happened. There are always going to be things you can't control (like how severely you burn in the sun, or whether you get headaches with the lights up too high, or even if your dream life rockets away too fast for you to catch unless you want to lose what you still have) but you can adapt to it. It's tempting to give in, to consider it all a lost cause, to submit to the forces you feel are puppeting you, but see. You keep living anyway, because you have to. The only way forward is through. Even if you were a puppet, you're still an independent you, and that means something. Maybe you can't snap your strings, but you can sure as hell stretch them out and bend them in a way you like better than this one.

Not having total control doesn't mean the control you do have doesn't matter.

So Shuichi is taking up cases as a detective, now. Seeing how he likes it. If not? Well. Skills are transferable. 

He'll be okay.

They all will.

----

(The first screenshot I took of this ask to begin drafting vs. the last one:

I'm sorry I am bad at timely responses but I hope they are Good.)

[ihonestlydunnowhattocallmyself]

A recommendation of Undead Unluck

I'll be completely frank with you. By binge reading all of the manga I have come to the conclusion that it is my fourth favorite manga. Yet, for all the good will I hold for it, I can't earnestly recommend the first few chapters to anyone. Not because of its weird premise or that its just my trash taste that has made me love it. No.

The starting chapters are just very problematic with just this weird sexual undertone between the two main characters, the titular Undead Unluck. It makes it just extremely hard to get into if you don't know what it becomes. It may start out as such but in a very short time-span it metamorphosis into something completely different and completely different. This change is comparable to a persons complete personality shifting from something that just feels off at a lot of times to something I can say wholeheartedly is beautiful. Which is what makes the initial chapters so sad in contrast with the rest of the story. It is what keeps this series from getting a 10/10 for me.

With this I conclude my initial disclaimer.

And if you have read so far,

I WHOLEHEARTEDLY RECOMMEND IT THE REST OF IT.

While its beginning is definitely problematic it really drops those undertones quick which lets the story keep chugging along. I would however completely recommending skipping the problematic beginning. While it has a lot of vital info I do feel like you can read ahead since it still changes massively enough to the point where it isn't really needed and you can simply understand whats going on from starting at that point. The chapter I suggest you start at is chapter 9.

I can also give a summary if you wish. It is in the following paragraph

So basically in this world that can negate a specific concept. This ability is based around their interpretation of said negated concept. This gives it a specific condition for activation. The simplest way to explain this is an ability that is based around the characters interpretation of it that is molded by their experiences with it. The current user of the ability Unluck is Fuuko. As implied the ability lets her give people bad luck. This is activated when people come into contact with her. This leads her to accidentally killing her parents. This leads to her becoming a NEET who's scared of touching literally anyone. This leads her to try to commit suicide by jumping onto an oncoming train from above a bridge. That's when Andy, the user of Undead comes in. As implied by the name he literally can't die and can regenerate from anything. Think Wolverine but able to use the fact that he ca practically regenerate as a weapon in of itself. He tries to die with her unluck. He escapes because of his regenerative abilities. Then there are a few shenanigans before he cuts her hair as he was once a barber. However there touching moment is interrupted when a seemingly evil organization called UNION attacks. They are able to of course beat them back. Andy explains that they've been chasing them for a long time and even trapped and experimented on him 50 years ago. Of course he broke out and he has been pursued ever since. Then they are once again found by Union. 2 of its top brass are sent after them. They kill one of the guys while the other guy, Shen says that he can recommend them in. They only need two empty seats to fill. By killing the other guy they've successfully emptied one and just need to kill another member. He gives them the place where they can find said member. So they go and kill her too.

This is an extreme over simplification of what happens and I'd say at a certain point you should probably come back to read these chapters as they are somewhat re-contextualized later on. You likely will know when to read them but if you want a hint there are two major turns in the middle portion. Probably go back when the second turn happens.

Now with the summary and disclaimer out of the way I think I may start of with the main appeal of the story.

For one I love how it develops the main duo as you often don't see much romance in shounen. And usually it is a side-plot. And while I've never been a fan of romance myself I do thing with the exception of the first few chapters, Undead Unluck handles that aspect of it pretty exceptionally. I feel like Fuuko and Andy gain more chemistry as the story goes on. It in my opinion happens very naturally and is shown to be mutually beneficial. While they certainly can operate individually and be effective, by working together their power is bolstered and they are more effective.

Beyond just this main pairing love is a recurring theme within the cast. So even if you don't like the main characters there are always other pairings for you to ship.

Beyond just this its just really fun from start to finish. It has a really nice adventure aspect where it can feel monster of the week at times. And even then the plot is able to progress. This helps make even less consequential arcs feel engaging as its always going somewhere.

I also really like how specific arcs can pay attention and really help develop the specific characters that become the focus in them. It really helps make the cast feel more well rounded and likeable. I think this aspect of the manga really shines in the sixth arc as it in my opinion gracefully shifts focus to a completely new character and fleshes them out to a great extent. I also like how with each re-appearance we learn more and more about the villains and their motivations.

If there was anything I didn't particularly like about Undead Unluck I'd have to say that its fast pace is a double edged sword as I wished some arcs took some more time to develop the characters as they are all just so interesting. But the plot is always progressing so it feels like no time is lost.

In all, I think its a series worth reading.

[fish-bowl-2]

Hiya! B F I M P R (:

hiii >:3

B. Any of your stories inspired by personal experience? A LOT lol. I am super super guilty of projecting with these guys. I do it with a lot of my writing though, both fan work and original. I think it is kind of unavoidable. To give a specific example, in YKISBLS, the whole section where Edd starts to blame himself for making Eddy upset with him, and this snowballs into him feeling like he's ruined their friendship, is based off of very similar situations I've experienced when I was around the same age. Social interaction, even among friends, was really difficult for me, and I regularly pointed fingers at myself for being the problem even if it was not necessarily the case. I was one of those annoying kids who would ask my friends "do you hate me? Ok, but what are things you don't like about me so I can fix them." I don't think it is far-fetched to think Edd would be guilty of this as well.

F. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Edd came to a sputtering halt as he considered the statement. “I couldn’t do that. It would be so rude.” He said. “Besides, I mean, you called me a pussy.” the last word fell off in an inaudible whisper.

“So?”

“So, I don’t think anyone appreciates being called that!” 

“You’re such a drama queen.” 

“Whatever, this is not about that. This is about you forcing me, yet again, to come to the rescue when you can’t do something yourself. You’re always doing that to me and Ed.”

“I do not,” said Eddy. 

“You do too! You drag us into things all the time and then refuse to take accountability.”

“Would you drop it? I’m trying to watch.” 

“There you go again! You never want to talk about it.” 

“‘Cause you’re so annoying about everything!” 

Edd flinched at the term, speaking through gritted teeth. “I am not!” 

“Yeah you are.” 

“You’re just saying that because you know I’m right.” 

“See, that’s what I mean,” Eddy pointed defiantly, “acting all ‘high and mighty’ about everything. You do that all the time now and it’s so annoying! Can’t you just go back to being good at shutting up?” 

Edd stared motionless, arms crossed tightly. Eddy glared back, daring him to go on another exhaustive speech. Edd knew he was waiting, and he hated that even more.

“Fine. So I guess I’m annoying now, according to you.” 

--

I really like how I structured the back and forth here. I always worry about striking a balance between dialogue and description in my writing, and I think this displayed it in a really natural and easy-to-digest way. Also, if I may be self-indulgent, I like how the whole conflict being expressed comes from both directions. Edd (rightfully) is upset with Eddy for deflecting and going too far in teasing him. Meanwhile, Eddy is (rightfully) upset with Edd for not reading the room. I had fun touching on Edd's discomfort with being called "annoying". Much to unpack.

I. Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)? Bad explicit smut is kind of funny to read. 🙏

M. Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share? A few! I'll avoid going in too much detail (for the sake of keeping my motivation to start them), but I have one idea for a fic involving Edd and his parents, and another taking place in high school with the Eds at a town carnival. Those are at least the ones I have the clearest ideas for.

P. Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?) I guess I would be more of an "architect", in the sense that I need to have the beginning, middle, end, and all the details planned out before I start writing. I usually make a bullet-point outline for each event I want to happen and the details I wish to express before starting a story. I don't always do this with quick, shorter things, but for the longer stories with lots of details and elements to read into, it just makes things so much easier. I feel less guilty about potentially forgetting something. In the process of building these outlines though, I do think there is an element of a "gardener". When I am stumped on a specific plot-element or missing detail, I try not to stress about it, and instead find ways to let it to naturally "take bloom". Sometimes this means I have to wait a while, but I think it is worth it in the end when I get something that I never expected. Granted, sometimes you just have to "pull it out" in order to realize what needs to be done.

R. Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence? Man, I honestly think I pull a little bit out of everyone's whose work I enjoy >_< Specifically for EEnE, with a fandom as intimate as this one, I think it is somewhat difficult NOT to be inspired by those around you. Off the top of my head: I'd say your work, as well as those done by @eddbedandeddy, @doubledyke, @mysticbeaver, @bookworm116, as well as @gettingfrilly and @vhvrs most recently, are on my mind a lot. Actual books, films, and music influence me a lot too. I always pull little elements and bits of things I like and try to implement it in what I do.

[acanvasofabillionsuns]

pride flag au !!

the premise for this 'verse is that pride flags appear on people's skin on their twenty fifth birthday, usually somewhere on the bust (so face, shoulders, neck, etc.) flags will appear, disappear, or change as people figure themselves out and/or learn new terms, and it's very dependent on how each person views themself and their identity.

for example, someone may initially get the ace flag, and then later learn the term 'aceflux' and decide that that fits them and to use that label, and the ace flag would shift to the aceflux flag. someone else might have the exact same experience, but decide they're fine sticking with "ace" over the more precise "aceflux," and so their flag would stay the ace flag. another example would be someone spending the first few decades of their life (ie past 25) as cis, and then realizing in their forties that they're nonbinary - only once they have that realization would the nonbinary flag appear on them.

(note: this idea is not original to me - i was inspired by my friend's fic which was in turn evidently inspired by tiktok. the main fic for this au is based off of said fic!)

the second premise for this 'verse is that the sides also get flags, but they don't all get them on thomas's 25th birthday...

[shoujomangathoughts]

Shoujo Thoughts - Hana Kimi

So for my first post outside of Chihayafuru, I thought I'd talk about Hana Kimi (aka Hanazakari no Kimitachi e), which I believe is considered a classic shoujo (quickly looking at the sales I'd assume it was). Even though there's several live action adaptations (as a fan of SHINee and f(x) it surprised me that the drama Minho and Sulli were in was based on this manga), my experience is solely the manga. I finished reading this a couple months ago so if I remember something wrong, I apologize in advance. I won't really talk about any spoilers until the character section.

For these posts, I'll just go over some impressions I had (very casually "review") and talk about my favorite arc and/or character.

Hana Kimi's premise is pretty interesting; Ashiya transfers to an all-boys school in Japan because she looks up to Sano and his ability in the high jump. So we've got this setup of a girl infiltrating an all boys school and the manga essentially focuses on the shenanigans that come about because of that, as well as some more coming of age and some familial themes. I specifically thought Sano's issues with his family were handled pretty well and tied into his character and the overall narrative in a satisfying way (I also liked his brother's character). This series doesn't go super deep into more serious topics or handle them with the most nuance, but that's probably because at its core, this series is more lighthearted. It has a lot of scenarios typical of a high school series (sports events, school dances, etc.).

Of course, there's also romance. The romance in this series, or at least the acknowledgement of it, moves very slow. There are moments where it's very clear something is going on, but it's played off as characters being dense/misunderstanding/etc. It's a series that's tagged with "love polygon", but there's never any doubt about who the romantic conclusion lies with, so if that sways you one way or another, there's that. The romantic plots are pretty typical of the high school series you may have read or watched before but the cast is still enjoyable enough to continue (for me at least).

Overall, I actually really enjoyed this series. The cast has a large amount of different personalities and they lend themselves to a variety of situations. Some of my favorites were Dr. Umeda, Kayashima and Nanba. I've seen the art of this series be described as dated but I really like it for the most part (I enjoy a lot of the art from series from this time). It's a solid slice of life rom-com series even if some of the little arcs felt unnecessary (the arc with the boy from America and the ghost/spirit boy are scenarios that come to mind) and the ending felt a bit abrupt. I suppose some of the comedy might have aged, but I don't remember anything glaring (Akiha was a bit weird when it came to Umeda though if I recall). I haven't read a lot of slice of life series like this, let alone many from this far back, so I'm not sure how it stacks up to other series but I'd still recommend giving it a look.

Favorite character : Nakatsu

I don't think I really have second lead syndrome, but sometimes I find the character that won't "win" ship-wise to be more interesting. Nakatsu here is the one in the group with a sunny disposition and generally is upbeat. He has an interesting personal arc where he mulls over the fact that he's into Ashiya (despite believing her to be a guy) and he eventually decides that he'd rather accept his feelings than worry about sexuality. The manga has a weird way of "justifying" this (I believe that Umeda said something about Nakatsu being able to tell she wasn't a guy because of pheromones or something), but I liked the conclusion that he came to and how he freely expressed his interest in her. The arcs centered around Nakatsu were also entertaining to me because they focused on more serious situations that forced his upbeat personality to be broken down a bit. This was also interesting, as the group could typically tell when something was wrong with him because he was a pillar of the group's energy. I also appreciated his conversations with Sano and Ashiya about his feelings, the fact that Ashiya actually gave him a rejection instead of brushing him off, and just the general friendship dynamic. However it was really clear that Ashiya wasn't into him romantically (she's only at this school because of Sano and the way she gets involved with him is sometimes borderline obsessive, but hey, it's fiction). He was a character that suited both lighthearted and more serious situations in the series well which probably contributed to why he stuck out to me. I did feel for him when he was hurting about his one sided love but I also knew he lowkey never had a chance.

Well, if you read all this, thanks! I haven't done any posts about other series until now and this is a lot more casual since I'm not analyzing anything, but I've got a couple other series that I read somewhat recently or am currently reading that I'd like to do this with. Give Hana Kimi a shot if you haven't read or heard of it before!

[my-excellent-bicycle]

So I finished reading Mark Watson's latest novel, Contacts, which is the second book of his I've read, following Eleven (which I now consider to be one of my favorite novels). I've decided to write down a few thoughts on the novel, light spoilers and very, very long ramblings ahead:

TW: suicide, depression

You could tell Mark drew from personal experience while writing this. If you follow his standup and interviews he's done over the years, you could draw parallels between himself and the book's main character, James. Both have family in Bristol, they both have a sister living somewhere down under (James' sister lives in Australia, while I'm 90% sure Mark's sister lives in New Zealand), and both experienced the dissolution of a years-long relationship. It's not immediately clear where Mark's own experiences and that of James, a character plotting his own suicide, necessarily begin and end, but the latter's characterization felt incredibly real and lived-in.

Overall I really enjoyed how Mark handled mental health and depression in this book. The sadness and hopelessness that comes with depression is talked about lots in media, and it pops up plenty in Contacts as well, but what's also discussed is the shame that comes with it: not even wanting to think the word "suicide," or feeling a certain way while also skirting around the language associated with it. James has these internal struggles at some points throughout the novel, and while it isn't something central to the plot itself, it added an extra layer of humanity to his character.

Circling back to my previous point, I came across an interview he did in promotion of the book, published by the Mirror (I wish I found a better source, sorry), where he said,

"There were stretches of life in which it felt as if it would just be good to be able to get away from it all, to turn things off."

This is fairly similar to how James' suicidal ideations were described in Contacts, in which he sought ending his life as a means of escape, or as a means of relief. I'll be absolutely clear and say I'm so glad Mark seems to be doing much better now, and that he's able to speak on this experience with clarity and in the past tense. But reading that wasn't the most pleasant revelation.

Another thing I loved about Contacts, and Eleven as well, is how Mark likes to write from the perspectives of several different characters, and weave them together to reveal overarching themes. I told my mom about Eleven when I finished reading it, and she went "oh, so it's like Crash?" I'll admit I've never seen Crash, and don't intend to based on all the think pieces telling me how it aged poorly and it was terrible Oscar bait, but I have heard that it deals with the same premise of how everyone's lives are more interconnected than they realize. With Contacts, Mark definitely takes from the same playbook, as with each chapter and switched perspective, he slowly reveals the emotional effects each character may have had on each other, and how every action can have its averse consequences.

Mark also does this thing that I love, where he hints at some catalytic event that happened in a character's life that forced them to act a certain way, but he doesn't quite reveal what that might be until near the end, which gives the reader a much fuller understanding to the character. Several questions are immediately asked near the beginning of the book: why does James want to do this? Why does his sister resent him? How come James and his ex broke up? Why did he and his best friend have a falling out? I enjoy that Mark doesn't insult the reader's intelligence by answering all these questions near the beginning, but instead letting the reader understand where they are emotionally first, in order to further contextualize what may have led them to that point.

Now, this is one thing I did struggle with -- the ending. I'll admit I went on Goodreads before picking up the book, and saw people complaining about the ending, or just finding it weak in general. Upon finishing the book, I was absolutely floored by the resolution at the end, but whether I think it's incredible or just plain confusing is something I'm yet to fully decide on. It was definitely a bold decision, and in the oft chance I'll ever get to ask Mark about it myself (which will probably never happen but a man can dream), I'd want to know his thought process behind it. Not that I want every author to explain the endings to their books to me all the time, but I feel he'd have a very thoughtful response.

Last night after finishing the novel, I went on Google to find any interviews he'd done about the book, and came across this appearance he did on the Writer's Routine podcast from 2020. It's an extremely refreshing listen, as Mark talks at length about his writing process, how he finds inspiration to write, and even his preferences in fonts. Most of the interviews I've consumed of his understandably deal with his comedy, which is of course how he pays the bills, but it was nice to hear from Mark Watson the author, and I wish the interview was longer than its 45-minute runtime. I learned Mark is a Grizzly Bear fan, which makes him cooler than he already was, and that even if he wasn't paid to write, he'd still be doing it anyway. The interviewer pointed out how unusual that was, as many writers he'd spoken to often say how laborious writing can be, but Mark's genuine passion and continuing enjoyment of writing felt inspiring to hear, and maybe it's why I made this giant post about one of his books.

Mark was asked about any advice he'd give to aspiring writers, and in true Mark fashion, he said something to the effect of "I normally don't give advice cause, honestly, I generally don't know what I'm doing," but he urged people to just keep writing and keep things on the page, even if it's shit or not your best work, just to keep the juices flowing.

The entire interview I linked below. It's something I highly recommend, and it doesn't spoil anything about Contacts in case you wanted to pick it up. I'm looking forward to reading whatever novel of Mark's ends up in my lap next, and I'm open to recommendations.

[small-screen-superman]

I love My Adventures with Superman, but I decided to write some thoughts about the one thing about it that bugs me most. Spoilers for episodes 4-6! The best way to read it is my non-Tumblr blog, but I'll include the text below too.

About a month ago, it finally happened. My Adventures with Superman came out. I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time; I wrote a blog post when it was first announced over 2 years ago. Based on what little was known about the show back then, it seemed like exactly what I wanted: a show focusing on Clark’s humanity and his life at the Daily Planet, and especially his friendship with fellow Planet employees Lois and Jimmy. That is indeed what the show is about. So do I like it? You bet I do! It’s charming, fun and exciting. It is indeed very focused on characters and relationships, but that does not mean it skimps out on the action. It’s also pretty humorous.

If any of this sounds like a good show to you, I recommend watching it. It’s available on Max (formerly HBO Max). At the time of this post’s writing, the show is up to its seventh episode. This post contains spoilers for episodes 4-6, so if you want a “fresh” experience of the show, you should stop reading. But if you do decide to finish this post instead of running off to watch the show, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t watch the show – I don’t think learning the information found in this post will ruin your experience at all.

At any rate, this is your last warning for spoilers.

When MAWS was newly announced, I thought its premise sounded so promising that it might end up being basically exactly what I’d want a new Superman cartoon to be. That might’ve been a little too optimistic. I didn’t fully realize how nontraditional MAWS was going to be. That’s not a bad thing in and of itself, of course, but as a fan of the traditional Superman setup, I don’t necessarily consider it ideal either.

The first big change that’s obvious from the very first episode is that Lois reciprocates Clark’s interest in her from the start. Many villains are also massively re-imagined. But in this article, I want to focus on what I consider the most radical change and the one that I’m least on board with: by episode 6, both Lois and Jimmy know Clark is Superman. Or, in in-universe terms, they both learn Clark is Superman shortly after Superman first appears.

Wasted Potential

It took some effort for me to fully understand why this idea bothers me, so it will take a bit of time for me to convey it too. The first and most obvious issue is that it closes off a lot of potential stories that could be told. Of course, it also opens up possibilities for other stories to be told, so the real issue is that it means stories, plot points, and ideas that I personally want to see are closed off.

I’m sure after decades and decades of superhero media, a lot of people are tired of seeing superheroes constantly keeping their identities secret from even their close friends. But in all honesty, I just am not. I think this setup, tried-and-true as it may be, is full of potential.

Some of that potential is for humor. MAWS is pretty humorous, so it would fit right in. What’s a bigger deal is that I enjoy the irony and tragedy of this premise. In the 1950s Adventures of Superman live-action show, the friendship between Clark, Lois, and Jimmy is also important, but they don’t know that he’s Superman, and to me, there’s something about that which is just so interesting and sad in a way: having a strong, almost family-like bond with others, and yet not willing to let them know something so fundamental about yourself. It just seems poignant to me. I guess I always like for Superman to have at least a touch of sadness to his character.

Not being able to open up to others, even others we care about, is something that I think almost everyone has experienced at one point or another. There’s something strangely satisfying about seeing Superman represent such a basic human struggle in an extreme way. I guess technically, MAWS also depicts this struggle since Lois and Jimmy found out Clark was Superman, rather than being told by him…but it happening so fast means there’s no time to dwell on this struggle or really appreciate it.

MAWS could’ve still been fairly revolutionary by making Lois and Jimmy learning about Clark’s identity happen relatively early, but not within the first couple of episodes – at the end of the first season, for example. This way, they would’ve had time to actually use the potential of the “classic” setup.

However, as I thought more about my dissatisfaction with MAWS’ choice, I’ve come to realize there’s an even more fundamental reason why it bothers me.

I Want a Contrast Between Clark & Superman, and Now That’s Much Harder

There are a lot of foundational aspects of Superman that contribute to his appeal as a character. Which aspects are more appealing or important is highly variable from one person to another. As I’ve thought about why MAWS’ decision and its consequences don’t feel right to me, it’s brought to mind how important a certain aspect actually is to me. That aspect is simply the contrast between Clark and Superman.

Now, Clark and Superman’s apparent personalities have varied greatly over the years, both in general and in relation to each other. Sometimes, Clark and Superman act extremely differently – Clark acts cowardly, mild-mannered, and clumsy, while Superman is bold and headstrong – that sort of thing. I’m not necessarily talking about that. Some versions of Clark don’t seem to act much differently from Superman (especially in Adventures of Superman and many Post-Crisis depictions), and I actually like these versions better a lot of the time.

Even without a big personality change, there’s still a big contrast between Clark and Superman. Clark, as an identity and persona, is a human being with no powers who lives a human life and is in effect limited in many of the ways humans are, since he has to hide his powers and chooses to live the same kind of life humans live. And while we, the audience, know Clark is Superman, we still see him acting as a normal person and being treated as a normal person by most people he interacts with. This causes the idea of Clark the Human to be firm in our mind…and that, in my experience, makes it more powerful and compelling when we see Clark and Superman “meet”: when we’re reminded that they’re one and the same. It can lead us to contemplate how unusual it really is that a man who appears normal is actually, well…Superman.

I’ll give a couple of TV examples of seeing Clark and Superman “meet” that gives me a certain sense of wonder. In the 5th episode of Lois & Clark (Requiem for a Superhero), while Clark and Lois are investigating, in order to hinder the people who are about to discover them, Clark creates a mini-earthquake, pretending it’s an actual earthquake. In a way, this gives me a sense of awe because Clark had been acting as a normal human around Lois, and in a sense it’s almost as if I had fallen for the illusion of Clark being human. To suddenly see such a display of his powers gives me a sense of amazement that such a powerful being would practically “be” a normal human. I don’t think I’d have had this sensation at all if Lois just…knew Clark was Superman. Of course, Lois does eventually learn Clark is Superman in this show, but there’s still plenty of time giving to establishing the illusion of Clark being human.

An “opposite” example (seeing the Clark-ness of Superman, rather than the Superman-ness of Clark) is in the 6th episode of Superman: The Animated Series (Feeding Time). Parasite finds out Superman’s secret identity (due to being able to gain knowledge from people whose energy and powers he’s absorbed) and kidnaps him. As Parasite explains his plan to keep Superman there indefinitely, Superman says that his co-workers will look for him when they realize he hasn’t come into work for a while. Seeing this be one of the first things Superman says makes me think that he doesn’t see himself that differently from how we see ourselves. To the viewer, there’s something a bit shocking about Superman suddenly having to rely on normal humans, but this doesn’t seem to be the case from his perspective. In a way, it makes me amazed to contemplate how Superman can be one of us despite being, well, Superman. A powerful contrast like this would be hard to create if Superman talking with someone who knows he’s Clark is something that happened extremely frequently.

Do you see what I’m getting at? I enjoy being amazed at the fact that Superman and Clark are one and the same. I enjoy seeing that contrast and then being reminded that it’s all an illusion. It really makes you think about who Clark/Superman is, and how his humanity and, well, “Supermanity” can coexist – how for him, it might be natural, but for us, it’s remarkable. I like finding it amazing that he’s both man and Superman – both human and “god”. If Clark is constantly interacting with people who know his secret identity, it’s very hard for something like that to ever happen.

I have a feeling this might have been a deliberate choice, but in MAWS, the two personas of Clark and Superman feel…a bit insignificant. After all, since he spends so much time interacting just with people who know his secret already, he’s free to openly use his powers even when he’s not in his Superman persona. Heck, in episode 6, Clark doesn’t change into his Superman outfit at all, and it barely seems to matter.

I don’t like the fact that it doesn’t matter. I like that Superman has 2 different identities that are perceived very differently. It’s a pretty important factor as to why I like the character. I love to see that contrast and to remember that it’s just an illusion. It makes me think about who Superman is in a deeper way – about how there are realities about himself that he keeps separate in the views of others via his two identities, and how that dual identity both conceals and reveals who he is, in a sense. It’s really interesting stuff that I feel like I can’t encapsulate in this article without going off on a tangent, but the point is, if you don’t really get to see Superman “doing” his dual identity that much, it’s hard to get much out of it.

An Aside: MAWS Could Still Make a Contrast Between Clark and Superman…But They Don’t

OK, this is somewhat tangential, but I think it needs to be addressed or this article will feel a little incomplete.

I established that there being a contrast between Clark and Superman is not dependent on Clark and Superman acting as though they have noticeably different personalities. Obviously, though, them having different personalities is still a big way for them to have a contrast between each other. If MAWS actually employed this method of having a contrast between them, perhaps it would bother me a little less that another huge method (him mostly interacting with people who think Clark is a normal human) wasn’t present. However, MAWS…definitely doesn’t do this.

The two most common ways to depict Superman and Clark is to have Superman be bold and for Clark to be “wimpy” in some way (with the “wimpiness” being a fake personality to fool people into thinking he’s not Superman), or for them to both be bold. MAWS takes a road less traveled and makes Clark being awkward and nervous (though not to an extreme degree) be his actual personality. It would then make perfect sense for Superman to have a fake personality of boldness, but they don’t really go in that direction, except maybe very subtly. I guess Superman isn’t that openly insecure, but he’s certainly not as confident as you’d expect him to be. It feels…very wrong. Heck, even if they didn’t make Lois and Jimmy learn the truth so fast, it would still probably bother me that Superman acts in such a nontraditional way. But the fact that they did makes it worse, because it makes seeing a contrast between Clark and Superman basically impossible.

An Additional Aside: It Might Not Hurt MAWS, But It Sets a Precedent

I do wonder if I’m overreacting about this. MAWS is still a great show and Lois and Jimmy knowing the secret from early on is a part of it, and the show wouldn’t be the same without it. So maybe it doesn’t really matter. It’s not like MAWS has to be the ultimate version of Superman that contains everything that makes the character appealing.

But a popular show making a big change could very easily influence future interpretations, so the very fact that MAWS is doing this could have ramifications for future versions of Superman. I’m not meaning to say adaptations should be afraid of changing things just because other people might copy them. I’m just saying, it wouldn’t be surprising if other media took cues from MAWS in this area, and I think that could be unfortunate.

Maybe this is paranoid, but I think it’s at least worth mentioning. It’s normal for adaptations to influence other adaptations and even the comics themselves, and this change traveling to other media is not a happy prospect for me. (Though I’m keeping in mind that this change can be used for interesting and quality stories, of course. But it becoming widespread and making its way to very important and/or high-profile media would be quite disappointing to me.)

So yeah – I think I did an okay job articulating why I’m unsatisfied with MAWS’ decision to have Lois and Jimmy learn the truth so early. I can’t say there’s anything inherently wrong with it from a storytelling perspective or in terms of what the writers want to accomplish. And it certainly doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the show – it doesn’t even mean I can’t enjoy the parts of the show that are direct consequences of this decision.

Essentially, all that it means is that MAWS will never feel anywhere close to a “definitive” version of Superman to me. It will always feel more like “Superman with a twist” or something like that. That’s not a horrible fate to be consigned to at all��it’s just not as good as what I was hoping for from MAWS.