#precise beard

[pramiegentssalon]

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[robottheodorlasso]

Since I’m already dumping a bunch of sketches, here are a few more for the generic light fantasy au that lives inside my head rent free (aka my poor excuse to give Trent a sword) (read the captions and tags for a little more context)

[greggdropsoup]

Whenever they ask me my religious preferences at the doctor’s office I always tell them “Side A of Black Sabbath’s Paranoid”

Nice boys don’t play rock n roll but fat boys DO

[romdocitizen]

everyone's always "female char" this and "what if char was a lesbian" that and girlies......i don't think having a dyke be the one to serially sexually exploit all those teenage girls would have improved matters lol

[smutty-books]

Sigh. I could watch him sign over and over again. Is that his kitchen? It looks like the brick at his house. There’s no paper towels. Not what I pictured. Is this at the studio?

[becoach-a]

beard….is not a good baker.

[anmolsmsblog]

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[alpine-official]

"I use Linux as my operating system," I state proudly to the unkempt, bearded man. He swivels around in his desk chair with a devilish gleam in his eyes, ready to mansplain with extreme precision. "Actually", he says with a grin, "Linux is just the kernel. You use GNU+Linux!' I don't miss a beat and reply with a smirk, "I use Alpine, a distro that doesn't include the GNU Coreutils, or any other GNU code. It's Linux, but it's not GNU+Linux." The smile quickly drops from the man's face. His body begins convulsing and he foams at the mouth and drops to the floor with a sickly thud. As he writhes around he screams "I-IT WAS COMPILED WITH GCC! THAT MEANS IT'S STILL GNU!" Coolly, I reply "If windows were compiled with GCC, would that make it GNU?" I interrupt his response with "-and work is being made on the kernel to make it more compiler-agnostic. Even if you were correct, you won't be for long." With a sickly wheeze, the last of the man's life is ejected from his body. He lies on the floor, cold and limp. I've womansplained him to death.

[pseudowho]

"So, you go against the hairs...that's right...and then with the hairs..."

"...is-- is this right?"

"Mmm. Now, clean your blade..."

You pretended to tidy the bedroom, sneaking glances up to Kento, and Yuuji, stood shirtless at the bathroom sink. Both had thickly lathered faces, and sharp razors, examining their faces in the mirror with absolute precision.

Sshhhhick. Swshswshswsh. Shhhhick-ck-ck. Swshswshswsh.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Peach fuzz.

"...and so anyway, I said to Fushiguro, shadows are great but sometimes you gotta just hit a guy..."

Kento listened, quiet, his mind always calculating several threads while mentoring Yuuji; yet, he was distracted. The old school corridor bathed in orange evening light, setting Yuuji's hair aflame, to coral in rocks. With Yuuji's nattering profile illuminated, the edges of his cheeks blurred from their usual sharp relief.

Fuzzy.

"...like, Kugisaki gets it, but she's like, just a bit feral and..."

Kento wondered if Yuuji had noticed. Kento recalled he only noticed, when his grandfather brushed his jaw with one clawed-over old hand, softly mocking Kento's furry scowl in lilting Danish. Kento's eyes lowered to the floor, counting his own steps and thinking in one, two, three and thoughtful on four, five, six.

"...Gojo's great but it's hard to learn from a guy who's that far out of my league, y'know? So--"

"Itadori-kun."

Kento had stopped, straightening his glasses, looking out onto suburban skyline. Yuuji stopped with him, inquisitive. A train rattled through, distant, splitting through the sunset. Kento looked back to Yuuji.

"It's important to look tidy, at work. Professional."

Yuuji raised his eyebrows, elbows rounded as he held his arms out, looking down at himself. He shot Kento a bashful smile, rubbing the back of his head.

Fuzzy peach.

"...ah-- yeah...guess I've always been a bit scruffy, huh? My grandad used to tell me I'd never get a job with hair like this."

Kento hummed. He stepped forwards, and raised one long-fingered, broad hand to gently grasp Yuuji's jaw, tilting it back and forth in the amber glow. Yuuji's bottom lip drew up, his eyes wide in surprise.

"...Nanamin?"

"Has anyone taught you how to shave, Yuuji?"

Yuuji blushed, his eyes flicking away from Kento in a mortified little scowl, his jaw still clasped. Kento released him, clearing his throat and checking his watch.

"I think we're finished up, here. Do you have any evening plans, Itadori-kun?"

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

"If you need to go over an area again, get more shaving foam-- not that much-- and repeat the steps..."

"...this is...tricky..."

"With regular practice, you can improve any skill, Itadori-kun. Unless you'd like a beard, which still needs management, you'll be shaving every few days, or more."

"...you always...look so tidy..." swshswshswsh.

"It takes effort." Shhhick. Swsh.

"Yeah right. I bet you wake up like that. Tie and all."

A deep, rumbling laugh. Yuuji's foamy, surprised face, looking so boyish.

You slid past the bathroom. You pulled your phone out, surreptitiously clicking a photo. Kento and Yuuji, leaning over the sink while Kento steadfastly instructed him, became your new phone background, and stayed as such for a full year.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

"Took a lot of portions to send him to bed with a full tummy."

Kento chuckled at you, his hair mussed and soft. Legs crossed in bed, with a book on his lap, he read to the sound of soft snores in the guest bedroom next door. The lamplight, low and warm, illuminated Kento's face in the gloom.

Stubbly.

You reached a hand out, brushing across his jaw, feeling its sandpaper rasp across your fingers.

"I think you were so busy teaching Yuuji," you whispered, scratching Kento's chin as he crumpled his lower lip up, "that you missed some patches yourself. C'mere."

You stood, walking to the bathroom and sitting on the counter, grabbing a razor and shaving foam. Kento's eyes twinkled at you, feigning annoyance. He walked to you at the sink, looking straight into the bones of you. He grasped your thighs, pushing them apart before settling between them, chuckling again as you lathered his face.

Shhhhick. Swshswshswsh. Shhhick-ck-ck. Swshswshswsh.

You felt a growing pressure between your legs as you focused on shaving Kento's jaw. Kento fidgeted, pyjamas tight and tenting. You bit your lip, smirking.

"...Mr.Nanami. I am trying to concentrate."

"Mmm, so am I, but it's...hard."

"Yes. I can feel that."

Another deep rumble of a laugh. Kento grasped your thighs tighter, pressing forwards into you. You gasped, taking the razor from his face as Kento nuzzled shaving foam into your giggling neck.

"Don't stop." He whispered, a crooked smile on his lathered face. "Concentrate, please, Mrs.Nanami."

[venusstorm]

𝐌𝐲 𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐲

Trucker!Joel Miller x Reader

Warnings: 18+, daddy kink, pet names, breeding, unprotected sex, blowjobs, public sex, fucking while driving?? Little bit of fluff at the end xoxo

A very fun roadtrip with Joel

w/c: 3.3k

⋆⸜ ⚘ ⸝⋆ .* ⚘ ⋆*⋆⸜ ⚘ ⸝⋆ .* ⚘ ⋆*⋆⸜ ⚘ ⸝⋆ .* ⚘ ⋆*

"What did I tell you about sticking those legs up on my damn dash," Joel mumbles.

You shoot him a playful scowl, wiggling your feet tauntingly. His eyebrows furrow in irritation, his eyes stealing annoyed glances as you disobeyed his orders. "I'm serious bug, it's not safe."

You pout, slinking your legs back down to the ground of his semi-truck. "M'sorry," you whisper.

A cigarette hangs loosely from his lips as the summer breeze makes its way inside. You hated the scent of those lousy sticks but he always made sure to let the fresh air in just for you.

You smile lazily as he switches gears, a soft grunt escaping his lips. He mumbles something under his breath, cursing at the Audi who attempted to cut him off.

But you hardly register the situation, eyes glued on the way his tank top hangs low revealing black ink tattoos and a tuft of chest hair. His arms were bursting from the sleeves of his flannel, every muscle dripping with definition.

Joel smirks to himself, rubbing his unruly beard as he glances at your distant expression. He knows exactly what you're doing. That glossy look in your eyes, the way your hands are wedged between your thighs. He knows precisely when his girl needs him, and right now you're practically pleading. He could see your brain churning, undoubtedly thinking of him.

"Wettin' my beard so pretty, baby. You see that? See what you've done to me?"  He pulled back from your thighs, his beard stained and wet. You moaned his name, thrashing against his grip as he gazed pridefully at your soaking cunt. "C'mon, pretty baby. Let go for me, squirt all over daddy's face. He suckled your clit, balls heavy and thighs grinding against the sheets as he fought back the urge to cum. "Taste so pretty, baby. Fuck, gettin' me all messy. See how much I'm leaking? That's it, open those pretty eyes and look at what you’ve done."

"Been staring at me awfully long, ain't ya?" Joel grins.

You suck in a breath, quickly turning and facing the window. "M'not," you mutter.

"Ah ah, don't get all shy." He puts out his cigarette and you can hear the amusement in his tone as he reaches for your hand, breaking it from its position between your thighs.

You're too embarrassed to speak, afraid he'd tease you for getting turned on by something as mundane as watching him drive. Quickly, you cross your legs, "It's nothin'" you murmur.

"Nothin'?" He questions.

Joel raises an eyebrow, his right hand sinking towards the waistline of your denim shorts. They hugged your hips perfectly, a soft blue hue that left your asscheeks hanging free. He loved when you sat perched on his lap with them on, nuzzling into his neck as he palmed your ass.

You don't object as he leisurely pulls down your zipper, his hand sneaking down your groin. Instinctively you wrap your arms around his, grinding into his palm slowly. "Joel...you're driving."

He traces his thumb across your slit, groaning softly when he feels your wetness against your thighs. His eyes face the road, your sweet sounds are the only indication he has of what's going on beside him.

Your eyes flutter closed as he slips a finger inside of you, rubbing against your folds until you shiver. "You feeling needy, baby?" He coos. "Want my fingers stuffed in that pretty cunt? Cmon, baby, it's alright. You don't think I know how badly you wanna get fucked sitting all cute in that passenger seat? Always begging me to tag along just to sit there and hold your legs all tight together. Gawking at me and looking away as if I can't tell how desperate you are."

"P- pull over, Joel," you whine.

He scoffs before pressing hard against your clit. You shout, nails digging into his skin.

He remains stoic, a sick grin on his face as you refuse to let go of his arm. "Did I hurt you? Is your button all swollen and hard now? Daddy’ll  kiss it better for you, pretty baby."

You nod against his arm, staring up at him with wide eyes. "Hurts, daddy."

He doesn't want to let up. You look so pretty grinding against his hand, your nipples hard against the Shania Twain shirt you cut up and hemmed. Your soft moans turn into full-out pleads as he strokes your clit. Coddling her until your eyes meet the back of your head. 

You can hardly sit still, selfishly needing him to pull off the road so you can have him entirely. "P-pullover Joel. Please."

He knows neither of you will be satisfied until he's balls deep inside of you, so he does what he has to.

"Shh, I know, baby. But I've gotta work." Tears nearly fall down your cheeks as he takes his hand back. You pulsate against nothing, whining from the loss of his touch.

"That's not fair!" You shout.

He replies calmly. "Yea? You know what's not fair, Princess? Gettin’ me all worked up when I'm supposed to be focused on crossing state lines. Now sit back until we reach Tennessee."

Your jaw drops at his words, taking it personally. "Fine," you huff.

•••

One hour. It had been one hour of complete silence and you were going insane. Joel had lit another cigarette, the smoke dancing its way out the cracked window.

You were sulking. Angry that he had teased you and left you high and frustrated. A word hasn't escaped your lips in miles and while Joel still stole glances your way, your eyes were glued to the window.

"White..." you mumbled, counting the 25th milky white cow you saw grazing the fields. It was the quickest way to pass time since being entertained by Joel was clearly off the table.

He perks up upon hearing your voice, wishfully thinking your grudge was finally over. He hadn't intended on leaving you hanging, but the moment he felt your walls clench around his fingers he knew he had to stop. If it was up to him, he would've pulled off on the side of the highway and pulled you right onto his lap. Slide down those useless shorts and sit your pretty self on his cock. He could spend hours watching you drip down his length, your teeth sinking into his shoulder as he thrusts into you…

But he has a deadline. A small window of time to get this cargo to its destination.

You stare at the next set of cows, adding up to 28 white ones, and...shit. "A brown cow!" You squeal. "And it's fluffy! Joel, look at that. I've never seen a–"

You're cut off by the sound of heavy laughter. There's a lopsided grin on his face as he listens to your excited tone. He smirks, "It's very cute, bug."

"That was an accident," you grumble. "M'still not speaking to you."

"Yea? And how's that workin' out for ya?"

"I just thought the cow was cute goddamnit, Miller." You sink into the seat, staring daggers into the side of his head. "You're so annoying," you mumble.

"Speak up, baby. Couldn't quite catch that."

"I said, you're annoying."

He remains silent, licking his lips and gripping the wheel a bit harder. You eye him closely, your gaze traveling down to the tent forming in his pants. The corner of your lips up turns into a slight smile as he palms his erection, shifting his jeans around uncomfortably. "Damn it," he murmurs.

"Joel," you call out.

"Yes?" His tone is pained, voice airy with the need to bury himself deep inside of you. Fuck, just hearing you say his name made his length twitch against his thigh. No matter how upset you were, you still said his name with all the adoration in the world.

"I really gotta pee. It's been hours."

You watch as he checks his dashboard for the time, eyes widening after realizing just how long the two of you had been driving in utter silence. He shoots you an apologetic look, "Alright, bug. But you gotta be quick."

Joel drives until the next rest stop approaches, pulling into the parking lot that oversaw a grassy park area. A few cars scattered the lot, but otherwise, it was nearly deserted. You don't say anything as you hop down, slamming the door before he can get a word in.

Nobody ever slams his doors.

Hastily he unbuckles his seatbelt, opens the door, and takes long strides to your side of the truck. "You're still mad?" he huffs. He catches your arm before you can walk away, grabbing your hand and practically slamming you against his chest.

His eyes narrow as he stares down at you, daring you to rebuttal. But you're still forcing him into the silent treatment, lips shut tight as he waits for you to speak.

"Still not speaking to me, pretty baby?" He cocks his head, lips reaching dangerously close to yours. You shrug your shoulders, carelessly turning away from him.

A fresh wave of anger washes over him and suddenly crossing state lines was the last thing on his mind.

"Y'know what you do to me?" He grabs your hand, placing it on top of his growing erection. "M'so full sweetheart and it's all your goddamn fault. Fuck, you feel that? Practically dripping for you, Princess." He looms over you, watching the way your lips form into a desperate pout.

"But you were only worried about yourself. So inconsiderate," he hums. You whine as he lifts your chin, kissing your forehead softly despite the frustration gleaming in his eyes.

"M'sorry daddy. I just...I needed you."

"And you don't think I need you too? Couldn't stop thinking about burying myself between those legs. I Need you so badly, baby."

"I'm sorry," you whimper.

"Shh, no more sorry's. You know how to apologize correctly."

You nod, sinking to your knees without further questioning. He allows you to do all the work, unzipping his denim jeans until his thick length bobs free. He grasps his throbbing size and spits on it, meshing it with the precum dripping from his pulsating head. "Make it up to me," he states calmly, towering over your form.

He takes his length, slapping you across the face roughly. His cum stains your skin and mercilessly he repeats the action until he's practically pulsating with need. He's leaking viciously, drooling across your cheeks. "Two taps against my leg if you can't take it," Joel mumbles. "Otherwise, M'gonna fill that pretty mouth until my seeds drippin’ down it."

He palms the back of your head, pushing you down against his length until you gag. He adores the way you tried your hardest to make him fit, drool and precum coating your chin as you whimper against him. You even open your mouth wider to suck his balls, whining when you realize you couldn't fit both.

He laughs at your poor attempt to wrap your lips around them before finally putting you out of your "misery." He smirks, "Let me help you, sweetheart." You groan as he stuffs his balls into your mouth, sputtering out a small "thank you."

"Look at my pretty baby," he grunts. Joel grabs your cheek, squeezing it tightly. "Fuck. You like sucking daddy's fat cock, don't you? Just asking for someone to walk by and catch you suckin' me off. Bet that's what you want, isn't it, baby? You want to get caught? Show everyone how much of a fucking cockslut you are for me."

Joel throws his head back, leaning against the warm exterior of his truck. Your mouth feels so good around him, enrapturing him in a blissful warmth that only you could provide him. Words escaped his mind as you went deeper, uncaring of how messy you were being.

"B-baby," he shudders. "Just like that. M'not gonna last. You gotta stop. Fuck."

You take that as a sign to go slower and deeper, pausing for a few seconds before continuing your descent. You loved when Joel’s eyes rolled backwards, his hand desperately pushing you as far as you could go. He was always vocal, cursing and grunting all while murmuring your name in between. It didn’t matter that he was standing outside at the peak of sunset. He was gonna let everyone know exactly how you made him feel. 

"I didn't tell you to slow down," he groans.

Before you can make out an apology, Joel slams your face against the base of his cock. He thrusts into you, fucking your face and unleashing all the pent-up frustration in his system. "Gonna let me fuck my seed down that tight throat? I'll make it all nice and pretty for you, baby. Fuck, M'cumming baby. S’all for you.”

Ropes of cum spurt into your mouth, hitting the back of your throat. You whine as he pulsates against your tongue, his teeth grinding together as he fights the urge to shout. So full for you, baby. Hurts. “Take daddy's load. Make me feel better, sweetheart."

You drink him down until he's spent, smiling happily as he slips his cock from your mouth. You hollow your cheeks, sucking him clean.

He carefully tucks himself back into his jeans, paying little attention to how it was dripping on his front. "Beautiful, sweetheart. That was perfect."

He crouches down, swiping his thumb across your lip before kissing you gently. "Now let's get you all cleaned up. Just wait right here for me.”

You watch as he jogs into the building to ask for the restroom key. When he returns you’re in a blissful daze, smiling happily as he places another sweet kiss to your lips. He takes your hand, helping you up and leading you towards the bathroom. You nuzzle into his side, fearful that people would see you in such a vulnerable state.

"Look who's all shy, now." Joel laughs. He wraps his arm around your shoulder, drawing you in close until the two of you make it to the bathroom. He locks the door behind him, taking you towards the sink and wetting a paper towel.

"Will you get in trouble?" Your voice is hushed, the repercussions of your teasing coming into full perspective.

"Been working for them nearly half my life," he shrugs. "A little tardiness won't cost me the job."

You nod, still feeling the need to apologize. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, bug. I know how you get when you're all worked up."

You break out into a smile, "And how do I get?"

Joel scrunches his eyebrows, his eyes glimmering with warmth. "Mean."

"I'm not mean!" You giggle, playfully punching his side. He swats your hand away, bringing the warm paper towel to your face. He wipes you clean, placing one last kiss on your lips before throwing it away.

"Oh, you're very mean. Hurts my heart sometimes." His voice drops low and quickly you recognize the dark gleam in his eyes.

"Can you believe how mean you are to me, baby? Don't know what I've done to deserve it."

"Joel..."

"Yes?" He hums, closing his eyes briefly before making his move. He flips you around, pushing you against the counter and forcing you to stare into the mirror.

"Hate when you're mad at me, baby. But you know what I hate more? When you shut me out. You get all mean and suddenly I'm scrambling to make you feel better."

"M'sorry, daddy. I don't mean to make you feel that way." You stare into your reflection, meeting his heated gaze.

"Thought you were smart, didn't you, baby? I have to pee." He mocks your remark. "Knew what you were planning before you even said it," he scoffs. "But I'll still give my pretty baby whatever you want."

He unzips his denim once again, his length springing free. It looks heavier this time, veins inching their way up to the tuft of hair at his shaft. "Come on. Take it."

Your shorts slide to your ankles as he guides himself to your entrance. "Look at that..." he murmurs. "You're leaking' baby. Made a mess all over yourself. No wonder you were so whiny, been gushing the whole ride."

The moment his glaring tip breaches your entrance, you're a mess. Whining and begging him for more.

"Tell me how much you love my cock."

"I love your cock, daddy. Love how thick you are, fuck." You repeat the simple sentence until he's fully inside of you. He's so huge, spreading you wide until you have no choice but to bite your bottom lip to hold back your moans.

His hand rests on your hips while the other reaches around your front and slides beneath your shirt. He grips your tits, "You feel so good, baby. You feel me inside of you? Can hardly move, grippin' me so hard."

His hips slam against your ass. "Look at me. Fucking look at me." Joel lifts your head, forcing you to stare into the mirror as you feel yourself begin to unravel. You knew you wouldn't last long, not with how he's murmuring into your ear about how he wants to take you apart and paint every inch of your skin with his seed. His beautiful baby. 

You squeal as he slaps your ass and rubs it gently to mend the pain. The sting lingers as his fingers make their way to where you’re conjoined. He groans as he feels your wetness, drawing it down your thighs and back up towards your now parted lips. “Good girl, already knew what to do,” he coos. 

Joel can’t get enough of you. His free hand makes its way around your entire body. Down your throat, caressing your breasts as they fought to be released from your top, guiding your hips as you bounced against him. You were entirely his. 

"Gonna fill you with my cum, pretty baby. So next time you get all stupid and desperate you can just spread those legs in the seat and fuck yourself with it. "Rub your clit for me, baby. You're almost there. I can feel it." 

His heavy balls slap against your ass and if you had a camera, you’d see just how much Joel was leaking for you. Pre-cum coated his base, so much that he couldn’t tell the difference between yours and his. It dripped down the tuft of hair around his base and down his thighs. “Driving me crazy, sweetheart,” he moans. 

Tilting your head back, he slams his mouth against yours. 

And you lose it.

You gasp as your high hits, thrashing against his hold as his base becomes coated in your spend. "That's it, baby. I've got you. I've always got you.” He fucks you through his orgasm, groaning your name as he fills you up as promised.

He groans into your mouth, the sound vibrating your body and sending another wave of pleasure through you. You shake against his hold, mumbling his name repeatedly until you finally feel him pull out.

“C’mere.” His soothing voice vibrates against your ears. He scoops you up, prepared to clean you once again. You hardly recalled the rest, in and out of sleep as he washed the both of you. Joel carried you back to the truck, legs swinging around his waist while he rubbed your back. You remembered waking up briefly as he buckled you in. He kissed your forehead softly before making his way to the driver's seat to which he leaned over for one last kiss.

You were addictive and the absolute love of his life. 

He smiles happily as he continues his drive, the pastures of cows greeting you two once again. Your tiny snores fill the air, so quiet that he refuses to put on music just to hear them. Joel’s eyes wander to the open field, crinkling with joy as he spots another brown cow.

[propertyofwicked]

"it'll grow back" - LN

v short. just expressing my sadness for the loss of beard lando </3 it's been a rough day lads

tried a little bit of social media au stuff so lemme know if that works <3

“hey ba-”

“you are in so much trouble,” you announce as he picks up the phone, pacing around the airport waiting for your layover flight to join him in australia.

“wha-? why?” lando says, his voice wavering slightly in panic, trying to remember everything he’d done in the last 24 hours that could anger you.

“how could you? how could you shave before i got to say a proper goodbye?” you whine down the phone, exaggerating your sadness at the loss of his facial hair.

“im sorry ba-”

“no i dont wanna hear it. firstly - i had to find out through twitter! AND my flight lands in 5 hours - you couldn’t wait till then?”

“if i waited you would’ve talked me out of it!” he argues back in jest.

“precisely!” you argue, the phone line falling silent, asides from max laughing in the background, and lando clearly trying to stifle his own giggles.

“max you’re a traitor! you promised me you would stop him,” you say, knowing he can hear you. max says nothing in response, just continues to laugh until he’s wheezing.

the announcement of your flight boarding was probably well timed, alerting you that you need to leave before the argument get serious.

“get on your flight angel, ill be at the airport to pick you up when you land.”

“you better be, you owe me.”

-

when you finally spot him in the airport, your pace quickens to meet him and his embrace. he presses a kiss to the top of your head, his arms moving to rest on and behind your shoulders. your head rolls backwards slightly to look up at him, as sigh escaping your lips when you see the lack of facial hair in person.

“12 seconds!” max exclaims from behind him, holding up his phone timer, “it took you 12 seconds to make a remark about him shaving!”

“hey! i didn’t even say anything,” you argue back.

"debatable."

“it’s ok y/n - it’ll grow back,” lando says, grinning at you before looking down and kissing your lips. the lack of scruff touching your face is unfamiliar.

“but now it feels like i’m kissing a 13 year old boy.” max snorts at your response, lando just keeps smiling down at you.

“when did you last eat?” lando asks, moving the conversation along, as he grabs your suitcase and starts walking to the car, you and max stood either side of him.

“erm, on the first flight - so i don’t know but i am starving.”

“let’s go get you some dinner. i’ll pay, call it an apology.”

“lan, you’d insist on paying whether i was owed an apology or not,” you retort, moving to sit in the car.

“i’ll make it up to you tonight,” he says, smirking at you. you had almost forgotten max was there till he started making fake vomit noises at lando’s comment.

“i’d love to see you try.”

[justatypicalwizard]

Up and under | Jayce

Aracne Jayce x Zaun seamstress reader The relationship went up and under, missed chances and regrettable mistakes. If only Zaun and Piltover were not so very different places. After spending days in that pit Jayce understood that before the upcomming battle he has to make things right with you. Jayce and reader have history before the Arcane plot. This story follows the second season of Arcane but loosely. Word count: 3,5k

He really should have asked you to dance that night. Jayce thought to himself as he laid at the dark bottom, the hole he fell into. It must have been days, weeks even. His hair grew long and messy, beard scratched and muscles ached from the omnipresent cold. The broken bone was nearly mended, judging from his ability to walk.

Thrashing around the dirty floor for hours upon hours Jayce had time to think. It felt like He had never wondered before, not like that. Jayce Talis was hardly a man of overinterpreting and overthinking. He deemed himself sturdy and down to earth. Maybe if he ever took the time to properly gaze upon his doings he wouldn't be here now. Viktor wouldn't be corrupted by the hextech, Sky wouldn't be dead and the whole of Piltover wouldn't be a ruin. He could have been dancing with you, gold and silver lacing the summer night air.

It was hard to remember exactly what charity event they attended. One of the families must have been throwing a ball. It could have been related to academia, that would answer why the heck he was even there.

Jayce was standing in line, a few other men in front of him. There was a multitude of people present in one of the academia rooms that day. Fitting for tuxedos. It must have been connected to his whole year, maybe the whole academia even if so many students were gathered.

Shaking his head he sighed, it felt like ages ago, too far for his mind to stretch. Doesn't matter.

What he did remember was the line he was standing in compared to the queue for your measuring. You were there, a simple yet trustworthy bag on the desk, sewing supplies scattered all around as you were never the type to mind putting tools back on their place when working. Gold seeped through the vast windows bathing you and Viktor in a golden hue, supplying you with the natural light that was best for your work, that you didn't have back home.

Only Viktor, good old Viktor, chose to try on your tuxedo, the seamstress from Zaun. How could he not, the two of you knew each other somehow. At first Jayce thought it was the reason you were allowed into academia in the first place. Later he learned about your standing as a seamstress and a stylist. Back then he didn't give much thought to his mistake, you were a Zaunian after all. He should be ashamed.

The other stylists clicked their tongues and rolled their eyes at you, a dirty intruder in their clockwork golden world, a faulty gear. But after being pushed into a shirt with a lacy ruff squeezing his throat like a bad cold Jayce gazed with longing at your fresh and modern designs.

Viktor looked handsome, turning around slowly on his trustworthy cane. His shirt was white and seemed to be crafted with meticulous precision, from geometric pieces hugging the body of the wearer in every right way. Jayce huffed, looking back at his own yolk yellow shirt and making a mental note to ask Viktor about you later, when no one will be watching.

That's how Jayce knew the way to your workshop. It was not deep Zaun, not slums infected with The Grey nor junkie tent-cities. Yet, it was past the bridge, past what seemed socially acceptable in his cast.

Even now, when the city was half abandoned, everyone preparing for the upcoming battle, Jayce Talis b-lined his past self into your workshop. It looked different than years before. The sign was more devilish, fungi building up on the wood, the original color long gone, the edges daring to leave your fingers full of splinters. The glass was dirty and oily from the bad air. The entry door dark and unwelcoming, not even a flicker of light behind them. Jayce knew better than to turn around, he learned it that day.

Viktor gave him the directions that he followed, finding himself in front of a  small workshop. A hand-painted sign welcomed the patrons. With a little bit of hesitation he pushed the door open only to enter a nearly empty room. Apart from a few mannequins with rather odd looking dresses there was only dust hanging in the air. Jayce took a few steps forward and jumped in fear upon hearing someone's voice.

“What'cha lookin’ here for boy?” An old woman sat behind the counter. She was as still as a sculpture, easily overlooked as one of the mannequins. The tops of her white, rheumatic knuckles visible over the counter. She was clutching something under the surface.

In a peaceful manner Jayce raised his hands, slowly coming closer.

“I'm looking for a young seamstress. I need a tuxedo.” She looked Jayce up and down with a frown. “If I got the wrong address I'm sorry, I was following directions from a friend.”

“Friend who?” She pestered eying a stopwatch hanging from his pocket on a thin gold chain.

“One Viktor.” Jayce figured giving away his partner's surname to a shady Zaunian old lady most likely clutching a gun may not be the smartest idea. Instead he mimicked Viktor’s cane walk with an awkward smile.

“Down the stairs and to the right.” A clang could be heard from under the counter and a sigh left the man's lungs. As he passed the woman he saw her hungry gaze still zeroed in on the stopwatch. Jayce clutched it tighter descending the stairs.

Your head popped from under a pile of material, gaze surprised. Before you had time to ask who he was Jayce already stated his purpose. The short encounter with the old woman proved him not to test the limit of the Zaunian distrust.

“I'm here for a tuxedo.” He smiled, the atmosphere of the room lighter despite an even thicker density of dust in the air. 

“Of course.” You neared him with a measuring line but halted to gaze at the stopwatch on the thin golden chain. “On second thought, I may not have materials to your liking, sir.”

Sir. A transparent wall grew between you and him. The glint in your eye was gone, replaced with something sad.

“I can bring material, it's the design I'm more hung on honestly.” Somehow Jayce didn't want the fierceness of your gaze to drift away. He wanted to see it when you looked at him. Yet, you still didn't look sure, taking a step back and breaking your fingers. “Viktor said I should visit you, I asked who designed his set.” Maybe bringing forward a familiar name would melt the suddenly arisen tension. 

His small manipulation worked. You seemed to nod at the name, quickly shooting questions about how he knew Viktor. He briefed you on the whole academia buddies, charity event thing and soon he was taking his coat off to give you the measurements.

The dim lights were not the vast academia windows flooding you with sunlight. A cramped room full of scraps to repurpose didn't meet the standards of Piltover designer workshops. A nobody Zaunian seamstress was not a renowned stylist. Yet, Jayce Talis followed every move of your skilled fingers working on his scarcely clothed arms, admiring how small your palm looked in his.

He dragged his tired legs further into the workshop. The odd dresses merged into an odd pile of junk, mannequins arm or headless, scattered on the floor. The man pushed forward, descending the stairs. He'd love for the memories of flickering candlelight, dusty air and your little intimate space to take over him but Jayce Talis was never one to escape his mistakes. So he went forward, taking in the ruin of what was left of your workshop, of your life. These walls remember countless conversation, a multitude of moments spent together. Bits of memories when Jayce missed chance after chance for what might have changed his life.

“I want to make peoples' lives better.” He stated, unconsciously pushing his chest forward, swelling with pride. He was spending, yet another, evening in the underground of your little workshop, your little world. Lately, he could be spotted here rather often, for measuring of course. “Especially the most hard-working ones like the miners - ouch!” A pin scratched him under the shoulder blade. “Was that on purpose?” Jayce smiled, turning his head to the side to look at you, working the material on his back. “What will people think if I leave with so many scratches on my back? Ouch! This one was on purpose.”

“You're being very improper, sir.” You seemed to be controlling the transparent wall, putting it up and tearing down to your liking

“I'm sorry.” He let out a small laugh. “Shouldn't be talking like that to my friend's lady.”

“You got it all wrong.” Jayce crooked a brow at your denying. “Not all Zaunians date each other just because we know one another.”

The strong division between the under and upper city was a constant variable in the chemistry of your encounters. At that time Jayce thought it was something natural, just as the world spinned, just as day came after night, Zaun and Piltover were opposites. Only later did he realise, it was his prejudice that inflicted this schema, that evoked such a defensive mechanism in you.

“Oh.” He breathed, a tint of pink dusting his cheeks at the thought of you possibly being open for options. He caught you peeking a look at him but you turned around.

“So, miners you were saying.”

“Yes.” Coughing awkwardly, he gathered his thoughts. “Just think about all the inventions that could make their work easier. Shorter shifts with the same level of efficiency, less physical labour per hour, safer work environment. With new technology I - I mean we could make Zaun a…” He stopped, red flashing his cheeks. Once again he let his stupid tongue lap uncontrolled.

“A better place.” You defleated like a hot-air balloon after all the tourists were done with their ride. “You don't need to hide your feelings about this place. I'm used to this.” There was a bite towards the end of your words. Used but they still hurt.

“Well, you shouldn't be used to them. Zaun should be just as good a place to live as Piltover.” Then, Jayce really thought so. He looked at Viktor and he wanted the next generations of children to live a better childhood. He looked at you and wished for all the women in the undercity to feel safe and not have to keep guns under the counter of their small workshops. What he didn't see was that it might not have been an issue with Zaun only, rather the exclusivity of Piltover.

“It doesn't matter, really.” The smile was back on your face. More pins poking out of a small pillow strapped onto your wrist. Precisely cut out pieces of fabric in your fingers as you approached him with a soft look on your face. “Stay still.”

Jayce watched as you pinned the back and the front of his shirt together. You worked over his shoulders, the front of his chest, his belly area. You were close, inspecting what would soon be seams, calculating where to put them to squeeze out all the handsomeness he had to offer.

“Look up.” You commanded, putting a finger under his chin to tilt it upwards. Yet, he still looked down as your fingers worked the collar around his neck.

If he would move his head back down Jayce could meet you halfway. It was tempting, he remembered that feeling very well. His fingers itched, hands laying useless on his knees. He wanted to put them around your waist, put his lips to yours. It would be wonderful. Jayce Talis knew he had a small crush on you, a sweet little nothing. Yet, he could change that. Undoubtedly, if he grabbed you here and now, kissed you and told you how pretty you looked when focusing, his crush wouldn't stay a little nothing. It would be hard to stop it if it started. You could do it, here in the workshop. Or he could take you back to his place.

Jayce saw a scar on your forehead, faint enough to go unnoticed unless you moved very close, like he was now. What happened? Did you fall while playing as a child? Did you hit your head in the cramped space that was your workshop? Did someone do this to you? Did Zaun happen?

It was just a goddamned mark on the hairline. You might as well have been born with it, but for some reason the past Jayce felt like this was the hill he would die on.

“A - are you done?” His eyes darted upwards. You caught him red handed as he stared at you and for some time, you also stared at him. Yet, his comment made you both back away.

You nodded, patting your sides, walking away to supposedly look at something in your sketchbook.

What was he thinking? Jayce was from Piltover, a promising inventor coming from a renowned branch of academia. He worked for his success so hard and just now he wanted to get entangled with a Zaun girl just because she came close to his face.

Jayce Talis forgot he had a crush on you, he forgot all the moments he admired your skill, humuor, and person. He scolded himself for thinking with the wrong part of his body.

You guided him to a tall mirror. It was dusty but when Jayce looked into it a handsome man stared back. The clothes on his body looked fantastic, it would only take a good pair of trousers and elegant shoes to make him look like one of the most important people of Piltover. In the back he saw you, breaking your fingers.

“It's perfect.” He said.

That night Jayce left with many regrets, balancing which ones were greater - the missed chance to kiss you or the fact that he nearly jeopardized his own career with a scandal.

He never ever anticipated that Viktor of all people would get interested in his love life. As they met at the academia, moments before entering the charity event, the partners talked.

“I see that you took my advice on a seamstress.” Viktor smiled softly as only he knew how. Both of their outfits, despite obvious differences, held similarities of design. Jayce nodded and wanted to add something but Viktor continued. “You know, I asked her here tonight. Did you bring a pair?”

The other man's eyes widened. Bringing a pair to the ball was not necessary but rather a social norm, unless one was looking for a fiance. Now the ton would think he is either awkward or open for marriage.

“Now this will look funny, me with a lady and you without one.”

It was tough to stay together, the amount of patrons looking for a conversation with the promising inventors overflowing. Jayce glowed between them, starving for the attention. The world was gold with dresses and clocks, tuxedos and flowers, expensive champagne and microscopic dishes. The moon bathed the open terrace with a silvery hue. It felt like hours and millions of polite conversations later when Jayce bumped into Viktor and you.

Of course your dress was perfect. It was hand sewn by you yourself. It hugged you in all the right places, bringing out your beauty. Tonight you didn't look like a girl from the undercity. Yet, there was something off. Like a chameleon you merged with the crowd but it only took a few steps closer to see something was wrong. It may have been the cheapness of the fabric that you crafted your dress from. Obviously you wouldn't have the money to buy equally soft and luxurious material as the one Jayce brought to your workshop days ago. Or your hair, too roughly cut for a Piltover lady. The fact that you looked a bit lost, clutching onto Viktor's arm as if he was a lighthouse amidst a storm. Maybe that's why people left you alone.

You asked for a moment so Viktor promised to wait for you. In the meantime he turned to Jayce.

“Busy night, isn't it?” He started, visibly tired, relying on his cane more and more.

“Yes.” Jayce nodded, whipping his head around to see if anyone else wished to talk to him.

“Can I ask you for a favor?” Viktor might have as well grown another head, from how surprised Jayce looked. “You see, I'm not much of a dancer as you could guess.” He tapped the tiled floor with his cane. “Would you mind taking her to the dancefloor, only once. I saw how she looked at the other pairs.”

Viktor wanted him to dance with you. Dance, keep you close while twirling around. Put a hand on your waist and look into your eyes. Lead you into the curious crowd. He was ready to say yes and a split second from running away from his friend. The thought of dancing with you didn't even cross his mind that was too occupied with the opulence of the night. Now, when Viktor planted the image, he couldn't stop his mind from running.

“Hello.” You greeted him politely, coming back from the ladies room. Jayce looked at you and nearly melted like the ice statue some person of doubtful intelligence thought of bringing tonight.

“So?” Viktor pushed, stepping closer, leaning into Jayce's ear so that only he would hear him. “She really likes you.”

There was hope in Viktor's eyes, hope for Jayce being smarter than stereotypes. As a Zaunian himself Viktor knew what it meant to get your strings cut when someone learned about your place of birth, how it felt to get judged solely on the basis of upper or undercity. That's why he hoped that Jayce could put aside such artificial prejudice. Unfortunately Viktor was wrong, it would take years for Jayce to understand his mistake.

“I should really get going, the patrons won't wait for me unless I catch them.” He smiled awkwardly nodding his head at you and turned in his heel to merge into the crowd.

“I see.” Viktor whispered, squeezing your palm just as disappointment squeezed his heart.

For the rest of the night Jayce Talis felt like suffocating. Nothing was the same, the conversations were off, the lights were too bright, the alcohol too light. He blamed it on the late hour, he must have been tired after spending the whole day running around the academia. He really didn't want to admit that what he felt was shame and guilt.

After the ball night Jayce only saw you amongst others. You merged with the background of what created Viktor’s person and stayed there. Only after spending days at the pit bottom of a ruined Piltover Jayce accepted his feelings. They never really died out, he pushed them down his throat forcefully and pretended you never existed. Then came his career that filled in the hole. Later came Mel - a trophy that made him swell with pride. Such a powerful woman chose him out of everyone. Maybe if he wasn't so handsome he would grow out smarter.

After coming back to Piltover Jayce wanted to close many chapters in his book, afraid that soon fate will most likely cut his story short. He wanted to make his wrongs right, to die with a consciousness even only slightly lighter than what he felt now. So he knew he had to find you, to tell you the truth.

It took him past the workshop, past the counter and down the stairs into the room once packed with fabric and sketchbooks. Now it was a ghost town. You most likely gave away everything that you had to aid the upcoming battle. Were you even here? You could as well take the hexgate to a better place, find a new workshop, get a new life, new friends and a new man, one that would be honest with you. Yet, something inside him told Jayce he would find you here, and he did.

Your head emerged from under one of the empty desks. You hid upon hearing someone descend the stairs, but you came out when you saw him. So still, after all these years the betrayed girl from Zaun trusted Jayce Talis.

“Jayce?”

It was a rhetorical question, nonetheless one very appropriate. He looked so different. His hair grew out, he had a beard and a sharp look on his features, nothing like the charismatic, warm inventor-boy. Carrying the hammer, heavy like his guilt, made Jayce bigger, more manly and sturdy, more closed and reserved.

“What are you doing here?” You asked.

“What are you doing here?” He might as well reverse the question. You should be long gone, not carry his mistakes and risk your life in this burning hole.

“I couldn't leave.” There was anger on your tired face. Jayce always knew what to say to sour your mood.

“Then I guess fate gave me another chance to make things clear.” He said more to himself than to you.

You did not understand his words. You did not understand when he came closer. You did not understand when he sank above you, the guilt and burden bringing his shoulders down.

“I'm sorry.”

Jayce said and kissed you, wishing for all that he meant to echo through his lips. It must have, because you put your palms on his cheeks and pushed into his chest showing that there was still one last person in all of the world who wanted him.

[andreabaideas]

Credit : Photo comes from @theclaflinsam here at Tumblr dot com. Thanks!!!! 😊

[tetzoro]

thinking about greeting mihawk back at the manor after one of his longer missions. the two of you slip into the candle lit bath, your back pressed against his chest as he washes off all the turmoil of the weeks away.

he knows you love hearing about his missions, stories of a far off place about the mighty mihawk — the strongest swordsman alive. and he’s all too happy to indulge you while you both prune under the warm suds.

perhaps he loves it too much as his fingers use the wetness to slip into your awaiting cunt, mesmerized by how greedily you suck him in despite your weak protests. the water sloshes only slightly as his nimble digits stretch you out, slowly unraveling you — much to his delight.

yet, he’s acts indifferent as he goes on to tell you his tale. the low rumble of his voice reverberates along your back, curling around your ear as you struggle to pay attention to every word he punctuates with the sharp thrust of his precise fingers.

the warlord’s prickly beard rubs along your neck as he huskily murmurs the rest of his story, more focused on your reactions than he cares to admit. the way you squirm, writhe and jolt in his strong, unrelenting hold has a deep desire pooling in his gut.

if he finds you faltering, that’s nothing a simple slap on your puffy clit couldn’t fix and gifting you a small warning nip at the lobe of your ear for good measure.

after all, he is the one indulging you so it’s only fair to let him do as he pleases with his favorite little darling.

[eloquentlytired]

— when the time comes

pairing: old man!logan howlett x gn! reader

word count: no idea but this one isn't very long.

part two is out!

tags: major character death — angst — reader is logan’s sunshine — mention of blood & wounds — logan low-key proposing 5 seconds before he dies — non established relationship

author's note: this has been on my mind since 2 days ago so I had to do it now.. I hope you guys enjoy reading this heartbreak! and yes I wrote this after watching Logan (2017) again. just a bit of an alternative type of ending so I can write abt logan x reader! as always reblogs & likes & conversations are sooo welcome ^_^

god stood me up

and I don't know why

lights are on

but nobody's home

you find him leaning against a tree trunk, a chunk of wood piercing his sides open as blood soaks through his shirt. that isn't the only wound he's sporting but it's the most evident one; the one that'll possibly lead him to his demise.

logan blinks upon noticing you as if he's just seeing things or dreaming. when you crouch down beside him and place your hand on his arm, he realizes exactly just how real you are. “logan?” there are tears in your eyes and he hates that you're crying because of him again. you had been living with him, charles and caliban way before it all turned to shit. and somehow the only ones left standing were laura and you. and the kids that logan had managed to save; he truly had saved so many lives.

there's a silence aside from his heavy breathing before your shaky hands cup his face. the blood flows out of his wound and mouth like a river. in some way you're bleeding too — inside your heart. “hey sunshine.” logan whispers with a soft smile and you feel something tear your chest apart from the inside. “I made you cry again.” you see the way his hand twitches by his side. he wants to touch you but he's old and tired and wounded. there's no energy left in him to move anymore. “the kids are okay, laura is okay— I have the car and..and there's still time— the hospital—” your voice trails off when logan closed his eyes.

“you know what makes me angry, sunshine?” logan asks and you simply stare at him, shaking your head. when he opens his eyes again, they are full of unshed tears. “gonna miss my daughter’s first birthday with me—” logan mutters brokenly and the vision of laura swims beneath his half-opened eyelids. and after laura there is you; smiling. at the beach. you've always wanted to go to the beach with him but he never took you since he was working day and night to take care of everything. of everyone. “and i’m also gonna miss my sunshine.” his eyes fall on you, on your crying face. the tears sliding down your cheeks are plenty and there is so much emotion pooling in those orbs of yours. logan wants to kiss you, tell you it'll be alright. but he can’t even move.

he coughs, some blood spluttering on his white shirt and you flinch. your fingers shake as you slide them through his messy hair, stroking them in the way he’s always loved. “logan, I'm sorry...I— I'm so sorry logan..” you keep chanting and logan feels the frustration in his bones when he tries to move his arms. he can't, he's too weak now, and he's angry with himself that he's unable to comfort you the way he wants. the way he once could but never did. “not you nor the entire world could ever prevent this, sunshine. it was meant to be like this.” he says before coughing again, more blood trickling down his beard.

you crawl by his side, on the dirty ground, and press against his ‘good’ side while leaning your head on his shoulder. you tilt your head back enough for your eyes to reach his exhausted face. logan maintains a smile you haven't seen in forever. in damn years to be precise. “charles spoke to me of other timelines and some shit about— multiverse was it?” he pauses, taking a deep breath. “I don't fucking know. I just wanted him to take the damn pills.” his sentence makes both of you laugh although logan is holding back with that — it'll only cause more physical pain after all. “point is..if it's true then—”

“—we gotta find each other yeah? and laura.” his eyes aren't on you anymore but they're in the sky. it's bluer than ever and the clouds part to show him the sun. logan doesn't look away even if it makes his eyes ache. you stare. “wanna make it right, sunshine.” he tells you as you sniffle by him. his fingers flinch again between your bodies and you slide a single hand down to hold his own, to intertwine your fingers in a gentle mess. “but for now I want to rest.” logan whispers and your grip tightens around his hand. if he had the strength, he'd squeeze back. you knew this.

“you did excellent.” you finally manage to say, a little steadier this time. logan averts his gaze to you as you continue. “you did a good job. you did such a good job.” you repeat with a smile so soft that logan starts yearning for you already. his faint chuckle turns into a rough cough and he takes some time to recover before speaking again.

“maybe after I rest, I'll open my eyes and..” you watch as logan’s eyes begin closing and how the heaving of his chest slows. he's deathly pale by now, the veins underneath his eyes are prominent, but your grip never slackens. you crawl closer until your foreheads touch. logan draws one last breath and you swallow down your cry. “and I'll see my daughter. and my... spouse.” your eyes shoot open wide but logan’s remain fallen shut. your chest heaves up and down intensely but logan’s remains still.

when the time comes, your feet are forcefully dragging you away towards your old car while logan lies beneath the ground.

[shybluebirdninja]

Beard Wars

Summary: Logan’s been growing out his beard, and you’re starting to suspect it might be a little too attached to his face. Now it’s become a silent standoff between you, his beard, and the world’s dullest scissors.

Pairing            : Logan Howlett x Wife!Reader

Genre              : Fluff

You’d seen Logan do a lot of wild stuff in your time together. The man fought in wars, took bullets like mosquito bites, and still had the nerve to complain about your cooking. But nothing—nothing—had prepared you for the unholy battle brewing in your bathroom.

It had been growing… and growing. Logan’s beard, that is. The thing had practically taken on a life of its own. And sure, when it first started, it was rugged. Hot, even. You loved the whole “wild lumberjack with claws” look. But after a couple months, the beard went from sexy to Sasquatch. Now it was long enough to braid… if you dared.

You stood there, glaring at Logan as he sat on the couch, legs kicked up, flipping through channels like he didn’t have a forest attached to his chin. You crossed your arms. “Logan.”

“Hmm?”

“We gotta talk about it.”

He didn’t even look at you. “Talk about what?”

“The beard.”

He glanced up over the remote, raising one bushy eyebrow. “What about it?”

“Babe.” You gestured to his face. “It’s gotten out of control. It’s like… you’re turning into Chewbacca.”

Logan shrugged, clearly not giving a single shit. “What? It’s fine.”

“Fine? Logan, it’s a beard. Not a security blanket.” You shook your head. “I swear, it’s like you’re afraid of trimming it.”

He smirked, clearly enjoying himself. “Afraid? Nah. Just like the way it looks.”

You sighed, rubbing your temples. “Babe, it’s started curling up at the ends. It looks like a goddamn villain’s mustache from a silent film. I’m half-expecting you to tie me to train tracks next.”

Logan huffed and stretched his legs. “What do you want me to do? Cut it?”

“Yes! Just… trim it. Before it starts forming opinions and voting in elections.”

“Good one,” he muttered, still flipping through the channels. “But nah. I like it.”

You knew this was going to be harder than you thought. This wasn’t a normal beard. This was Logan’s pride. His stupid, stubborn pride wrapped around his jaw like a fuzzy security blanket. You didn’t have claws or mutant powers, but damn it, you had scissors. And a dream.

Later that evening, you were standing in front of the bathroom mirror, practicing your technique. You held up the scissors and snipped the air a few times. Yeah, you had this. Stealth, precision, quick reflexes—you’d get him in his sleep.

You glanced down at the pair of dull scissors in your hand, suddenly wondering if maybe this wasn’t the smartest plan. Those things couldn’t cut through paper, let alone Logan’s adamantium-grade beard.

“Whatcha doin’ in there?” Logan’s voice echoed from the living room, suspicious.

“Uh, nothing!” You quickly shoved the scissors into the drawer and tried to look innocent. “Just, uh, brushing my teeth.”

“Mmhmm.” He didn’t believe you for a second.

That night, you waited. Logan fell asleep on the couch, a beer bottle balanced on his chest. You crept up, scissors in hand, moving like a ninja. The beard was right there—so close. One good snip, and you could at least tame that beast.

But the moment the scissors touched one hair, Logan’s hand shot out, catching your wrist. His eyes opened lazily. “What the hell do you think you’re doin’, darlin’?”

You froze, caught red-handed. “Um… grooming?”

Logan sat up, still holding your wrist with that annoyingly strong grip. “We talkin’ dog grooming or attempted murder?”

You sighed, defeated. “Logan, c’mon. It’s gotta go.”

He grinned, clearly enjoying the hell out of this. “You really think you can take this thing down with those weak-ass scissors? Good luck, babe.”

You pouted, yanking your wrist free. “You can’t live like this forever. You look like a damn mountain man.”

“That’s the point.”

“What, you gonna move to the woods and start living off the land?”

Logan chuckled, getting up from the couch. “Might not be such a bad idea. Get away from all this.” He waved a hand around like civilization was an inconvenience he had to endure.

“Okay, Thoreau,” you muttered, “but can we at least compromise? A little trim? Just a bit so you don’t look like a cryptid?”

Logan thought about it for a second, rubbing his chin. “Alright. You get one inch. One. Any more, and you’re losin’ a hand.”

You blinked. “That’s not exactly what I meant by compromise, but I’ll take it.”

The next morning, Logan sat in the kitchen, grudgingly handing you a pair of sharper scissors. “Make it quick.”

You grinned like you’d won the lottery. “I promise it’ll be painless.”

“You better hope so.”

You gingerly reached for the beard, Logan’s eyes watching you like a hawk. The tension was thick—one wrong move, and you knew it’d be war.

Snip. You took off just enough to make a difference, but not enough to piss him off. He grunted but didn’t complain. Snip, snip. A couple more careful cuts, and you stepped back, admiring your handiwork.

Logan rubbed his chin, inspecting it in the mirror. “Not bad.”

“See? Didn’t kill you.”

“Yet.”

You laughed, putting the scissors down. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

Logan stood up, stretching. “Maybe. But at least now I won’t get mistaken for Bigfoot at the grocery store.”

You smirked. “Who knew the Wolverine could be such a drama queen about a beard?”

He growled, but this time, you could see the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Don’t push it, babe. Next time you come near me with those scissors, you might lose an eye.”

“Noted.” You gave him a playful wink. “But seriously, thanks for not letting it grow legs and walk off on its own.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, grabbing his jacket. “Now let’s get outta here before you try to cut somethin’ else.”

As he headed for the door, you couldn’t resist one last comment. “Don’t worry, the hair on your head is next.”

Logan shot you a look over his shoulder. “Don’t. Even. Think about it.”