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localqueerdad · 8 years

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close these green eyes.

pairing: gavin/jeremy word count: 4055 warnings: unhealthy coping mechanisms, implied alcohol abuse, implied sex, implied past abuse. none of these are graphic, but please stay safe.

[read on ao3]

more than anything i want to save you from myself

- rupi kaur

there is a hole inside gavin’s chest that he can never seem to fill.

he’s tried everything; getting blackout drunk on rooftops in the middle of the night, leaving bars with attractive strangers and leaving their dingy apartments at five in the morning, pills, cars, anything he could think of. it had done nothing but widen the hole, and now it was this gaping mass ripping through his lungs that was invisible to everyone else but him.

the thing with him, gavin supposes, is that he tried to force himself to do things he knew he wouldn’t like. he had never liked sex, never understood the supposed passion or thrill of it, but he would go around with anyone who smiled at him from across a darkly lit room. the alcohol was always cheap and burnt his throat and made him cry, and the pills were just shit, really. his binder was always too tight and his ribs were black and blue and yellow and he was choking to death in the heat of it all. it was his self-destruction, and it was far from beautiful. these were ugly shards of glass littering his bathroom floor, and there was nothing he could do to stop himself from shattering over and over and over again.

there was always a catalyst for these extended periods of agonising memories that he wanted to drown out. when he first left miserable england for even more miserable los santos, he was bad for weeks on end. he doesn’t quite remember how long it lasted, but he knows it was too long. he sorted himself out eventually, settled in and unpacked his tiny suitcase and made a living.

he begins as vav, a small-time hacker that gradually grows bigger among underground circles. every damn criminal seems to want him to work for their filthy cause, but gavin remains freelance. it’s the only control he has. there’s a certain thrill to his work that he never achieved on his worst nights, and he thinks there is some kind of twisted irony in that. he can work himself to the bone and feel something, but when he drinks he doesn’t feel anything but the coldness in his bones.

during the first three years, gavin lives in the same old shitty little apartment he rented as an eighteen-year-old kid who had run away from home. ‘home’ was said lightly – his only memories of that were far and few between, with raised voices and bruises and broken bottles. no. he has never had a home. but this apartment in a back alley in one of the worst cities in the state is as close to home as he has, so he’ll take it. theoretically, he could move out; hacking pays well, especially when you’re as well known as vav is. but he doesn’t want to chance another bad spree again.

he’s doing fine. he’s coping. there may be too many prescription pills on his kitchen counter and coffee mugs littering his eyes and purple rings are imprinted underneath his eyes but he’s not getting bad again. he isn’t.

(he is.)

gavin goes to the shadiest bar he can find and he hates himself for it. he buys too many shots and sees a cute guy from across the room and loses the slither of self-control he possesses. the guy is nice, a little bit older than him and wealthy judging by the notes gavin sees in his wallet when he goes to pay for their drinks. he allows the guy to drive them to his nice apartment in the nicer side of the city, a penthouse with floor to ceiling windows and a plush carpet and fancy smelling shit. his bed is nice too. the sex, not so much, but not the worst he’s had.

he lies next to the guy in the bed for a few hours afterwards, listening to his quiet snores and staring blankly at the ceiling. he wants to feel something other than this terrifying numbness. he wants a life where he gets to wake up next to someone he actually loves rather than a one night stand who he’s about to walk out on.

there are two very clear rules gavin has set out for occasions like these: do not give them his number, and do not let them tell him their name.

he leaves at six in the morning and almost feels bad, before realising that he has a job at eleven and immediately switching to his professional mode. it’s easier for him to file all the sides of himself and push them to the side when he has a job to do. personal shit always gets in the way.

another year passes, and gavin has moved apartments twice. there have been one too many slip ups due to his own idiocy, and a nauseating anxiety has moved in with his thundering numbness.

at least he has a friend now. michael. mogar. demolition expert extraordinaire and resident creep puncher. gavin had been on a long streak of bad days when he had been cornered outside of a bar by a man demanding gavin to give him his wallet in a voice that sounded too much like the one in his nightmares. a moment before gavin falls apart, a flurry of curly brown hair and angry yelling appears from nowhere, grabbing the guy in a headlock and beating him to shit.

gavin gains a split lip and a best friend from new jersey all in the same evening. and he didn’t even have to bang michael to get him to stay. score.

michael confides in gavin a lot, and he does too. they learn that they can only trust one another in this city full of hatred. michael tells him about the blistering rage which reverberates from his head to his toes, in every atom of his being, and gavin tells him about the numbness which squeezes his chest until he can’t breathe. he tells gavin about how the fire helps him rein the fury in, rubbing his scarred knuckles, and gavin tells him how he only feels okay when he has a mask on. gavin tells michael about his childhood, or lack thereof, and shows him the scars on his back, forgetting that he is wearing a binder. michael laughs and lifts his shirt to reveal his own binder. they smile at each other. it’s not perfect, this fragile friendship built on mario kart and soda, but it’s theirs.

two years later, and their little crew has expanded to fit another friend and a cat. michael meets lindsay ten months after he saved gavin, and they become close so quickly it makes gavin dizzy. lindsay, ruby rose, has this glow about her, a hopeful energy that is infectious to everyone but him. she still wraps him around her pinky though, just as she does to michael, and she fits right in. there are nights where she wakes up screaming, and at the beginning both of them would rush to her side. michael and lindsay start dating two months later and gavin stays in his bed when he hears her yell in the middle of the night.

it wasn’t like gavin was completely alone. he dated a girl he met in a club on a good night for a few months, and it had been good. she had fireworks in her eyes and constantly changing hair and gavin had liked that fluidity. her ability to change. he buys a cat and she hates the thing, but she deals with it because, for whatever reason, she likes gavin. and gavin is happy and his head is quiet and the numbness isn’t as deafening. that doesn’t last though.

their relationship ends after five months, and it’s no one’s fault but his. he becomes distant, stops answering her texts and calls, and she gets tired of it. they’re still friends, she tells him. she cares about him. she just doesn’t want this… nothingness.

so gavin has his cat and his two friends. he’s okay with that. he isn’t getting bad again.

(he is.)

gavin doesn’t go to a bar this time. he doesn’t go out drinking or stand on the edge of a skyscraper or anything like that. he doesn’t leave his bed. sleep is a blessing, and he abuses it until he can’t sleep anymore. then, he stares at the ceiling until he blacks out.

michael and lindsay start getting worried after two days, and they get outright frantic after four days when gavin retreats to the bathroom and refuses to open the door. he just wants it to be quiet. a half empty whisky bottle lies next to him and his phone lies smashed across the tiles next to the bath tub. michael is pounding his fists against the door now, and lindsay is attempting to coax him out, but everything is fuzzy.

a sudden realisation strikes him. he is hurting the people he loves. who love him. he is never going to get better and he knows this, but his two friends don’t. they have no clue what is wrong with him. they don’t know that he is broken beyond repair.

they leave after a while, and gavin hears michael yell in frustration and muffle a sob. he stays in the bathroom until they retreat to their room, and he unlocks the door. he presses his forehead against his knees for a second, his hands gripping his legs, and then pushes himself off the floor. he leaves the bottle and his phone, and he walks out of the apartment in a daze.

he isn’t sure how he gets to the bar, but he does, and it’s a fairly decent one so he goes inside. he realises that he forgot to put on his jacket before he left and he is freezing. the bar is warm and crowded, bustling bodies and spilt alcohol and he, with his tired eyes and dark circles and messy hair, sticks out like a sore thumb. he grabs a seat by the bar and orders the first drink he sees on the menu. when it arrives, he stirs it idly and doesn’t drink it.

everyone here has someone. this probably isn’t a place you go on your own, which might be why the barkeeper looked at him oddly. that, or he wants to have sex with him. could be either one, really.

gavin is alone. he has no one.

some guy sits next to him and orders a drink, and gavin turns his head to get a better look at him. he has obnoxiously green hair and kind eyes with dark circles that rival his underneath. he catches gavin’s gaze and smiles. gavin looks back at the menu.

the guy gets his drink and exhales slowly, drawing gavin’s attention back to him. “so, what’s your name?”

“what?”

“your name. since you were looking at me.”

gavin flushes involuntarily, and the guy’s smile widens.

“i don’t like names. they’re stupid.” he says, taking a sip of his drink.

“well, i’ll start,” he holds out a hand for gavin to shake. “i’m jeremy.”

gavin stares blankly at jeremy’s outstretched hand and moves his gaze back up to his face. jeremy lowers his hand, rolling his eyes.

“you’re english, right? you know you’re like, a walking stereotype.”

“and you’re a kid with dumb hair who approached a stranger in a bar,” he deadpans, a slight lilt to his words.

jeremy looks him over for a moment, before snorting with laughter. “touché, bitch.”

they talk for what seems like forever, about anything and everything they can find. gavin laughs, and jeremy’s smile makes him forget his numbness for a bit. it doesn’t last though, and jeremy looks at his phone and jumps up, pulling his coat on.

“i’m sorry, i have to go, it’s super late.” he shows the time to gavin and he’s right. 23:56.

gavin shrugs and offers him a tiny smile. “it’s cool. i’ll see you around, yeah?”

a look of nervousness passes over jeremy's face, and he hesitates for a second. “give me your hand.” he says, pulling out a pen from his coat pocket.

“wait – what are you doing?”

his hand is warm as he holds gavin’s left hand still, scribbling numbers in biro quickly. he looks them over quickly and nods, before shooting a grin at gavin.

“you better not leave me hanging.”

with that, he’s out of the door and gavin sits there staring at jeremy’s number which has been scrawled on his hand. what a whirlwind.

gavin knows his rules. do not give them his number, and do not let them tell him their name. he’s already broken one rule. why not another?

he feels okay as he walks home in the chilly breeze, before breaking out of his fog and remembering that he broke his phone. he threw a phone against the wall and drank half a bottle of whisky and left the apartment without telling anyone.

michael was going to fucking kill him.

a few weeks pass and gavin still hasn’t texted jeremy. he feels bad about it, but not as bad as he feels about worrying michael and lindsay to death. they didn’t kill him, not really; there was yelling and a few angry tears and a very tight hug but they said they understood. just don’t do it again. since then, they had been hovering over him like mother hens, but he didn’t mind. it was nice, having people who care about him.

the piece of paper with jeremy’s number sleeps on his bedside table, and a month afterwards he decides to give it a shot. he buys a new phone and boots it up, procrastinating by finding cool wallpapers and adding his contacts. jeremy’s number is the last one he enters, and he does so with shaking fingers.

he types out a greeting and looks at it, then deletes it. he does this again and again until his eyes begin to blur and phone number two is about to meet its grisly end against a wall. michael swoops in before that happens though, dodging gavin’s feeble attempts to grab his phone and ignoring his threats.

“what’s this, boi?” michael asks, holding the phone out of gavin’s reach and showing the screen to him. gavin deflates against his friend and michael instantly softens. he puts the phone down on gavin’s bedside table and sits him down on the bed, sitting next to him and looking at him expectedly.

“he’s just this dude I met a few weeks ago. it’s nothing, really, i just completely disappeared on him and, um – "

michael holds up a finger to stop his rambles, and takes a deep breath. “wait, is this from that really bad night you had?” gavin nods. michael shakes his head at him and lets a dark chuckle escape his mouth. “you’re a real piece of work, gavin.”

he stands up and grabs gavin’s phone from the table, pausing for a moment before chucking it at gavin. he lets out a squawk as he falls backwards, and he hears michael laugh properly this time.

“text the fucking dude, man. and eat dinner with me and lindsay later.”

he leaves gavin alone with the stark white background of his text glaring at him, and he decides screw it. he types out a ‘hey, this is gavin!’ and an apology, and sends it. he stares at the screen for a minute, and then lets it fall to his side as he stares at the ceiling. worry echoes through his mind and he thinks about if he should delete the message or just completely destroy his phone. maybe move to canada, change his name, all because a damn boy wouldn’t text him back.

a ping from next to him snaps him out of his thoughts and he rolls onto his stomach and picks his phone up. jeremy.

the text is short and to the point, but it’s open ended and fills gavin with hope. he pushes it to the pit of his stomach and asks him if he wants to get a drink sometime. jeremy replies two minutes later with a yes. gavin wiggles around to grin at the ceiling and holds the phone to his chest.

they date for three months before gavin starts spiralling again. what they have is incredible, and gavin feels dizzy from how much he likes this green haired man who waltzed into his life and refused to leave. he doesn’t know about how bad gavin can get though, and he doesn’t want jeremy to find out. they’ve shared plenty of ugly secrets, but this bogeyman hunts gavin and he can’t burden anyone with it.

that doesn’t stop it from creeping up on him and he gets bad again, which becomes apparent to jeremy when gavin snaps at him for accidentally knocking a glass off the counter and smashing it against the floor. gavin jumps and recoils away, and jeremy instantly looks concerned, opening his mouth to ask if he’s okay and to pity him. gavin strikes before he can say anything, venomous words that he doesn’t really mean hanging in the air, and it is jeremy’s turn to recoil. he recovers faster than gavin, and spits his own venom at him, walking out of the kitchen into the living room.

gavin pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. he glances at the broken glass and kneels to clean it up, and cuts himself on the first piece he picks up. it stings, but he throws it in the bin and keeps picking shards of glass up. he doesn’t realise that he’s crying until he hears jeremy’s soft voice next to him, and turns around to look at his boyfriend through tear filled eyes.

jeremy’s eyes widen with shock, and he gently holds gavin’s elbow to help him up. he leads him to the couch in the living room and sits him down, murmuring that he’ll be right back and vanishing again. gavin chokes back a sob as he looks at his hands and sees the cuts that litter his significantly paler than usual skin. he’s so stupid, so stupid, and now jeremy’s going to leave him because everyone leaves him and there’s no point in trying anymore.

the floorboard creaks and the couch sinks as jeremy sits next to gavin with a miniature first aid kit, one leg hanging off the edge and the other resting on the couch. he pulls gavin towards him and he goes easily, allowing jeremy to clean his cuts and cover then with plasters. quiet hums fill the air as he works, and when he’s done he holds onto gavin’s hands for a second.

gavin looks up at him, green eyes full of fear, and something in jeremy melts.

they readjust themselves so that gavin’s head rests on jeremy’s leg, and jeremy’s fingers are in gavin’s hair, and it’s so peaceful gavin could cry. so, he does.

“d’you wanna talk about it?” jeremy asks, breaking the fragile silence.

gavin’s breath hitches and he closes his eyes briefly. he looks up at this wonderful man through his eyelashes, and sees nothing but genuine love and concern. he nods. “i… i don’t know what’s wrong with me really, i’m sorry, i am, just – god.”

“hey, it’s okay,” jeremy says softly, “you don’t have anything to be sorry about. i care about you and i want you to be – shit, are you okay?”

tears are falling down gavin’s cheeks like miniature rivers as he sniffs and tries to wipe them away with his sleeve, pushing himself up and turning around so that he faces jeremy. he’s still crying, and now he’s getting frustrated and it’s obvious apparently because jeremy lifts a hand to gavin’s cheek to brush away his tears.

he covers his hand over jeremy’s and leans into it, the safety, the security, and he knows he’s okay.

“i, um. sometimes i have these really bad days and uh, there isn’t anything i can do to stop them, y’know? just, bad memories will spring up and i get irritable and sad and i can’t leave my bed. you deserve better than me, i’m just,” he lifts his hand from jeremy’s to gesture at himself, “nothing.”

“i don’t think that’s true.” gavin squints his eyes at him, and jeremy shakes his head and links their fingers together. “seriously. just because you have bad days doesn’t make you unlovable. i have bad days too.”

“you don’t get it,” gavin’s voice rises and jeremy lifts an eyebrow at his tone shift. “i’m a bad person, jeremy, i am, i do terrible things and i hurt people and i can’t stop it. i can’t.”

“let me help you then.” he says, as if it’s the simplest thing in the world. it is, gavin supposes, and he’s taken aback.

“i think i love you, jeremy.”

jeremy smiles, big and bright. “i think i love you too. wanna move in?”

“yeah.”

gavin moves into jeremy’s apartment a week later, and michael, the melodramatic son of a bitch, clings to his leg as he attempts to carries the last of the boxes to the car. he pries michael off without the help of lindsay and jeremy, who are cackling in the corner and mocking them both, and gives him a proper hug goodbye. not an actual goodbye, really, now that they have a crew.

the fake ah crew.

ramsey and pattillo had found him, vav, the day after gavin’s breakdown, and after a few negotiations and tweaks, they were all on board. gavin was going to refuse their offer, but jeremy convinced him not to, and so gavin convinced ramsey to recruit him, lindsay and michael as well.

vav didn’t feel right for him anymore. not with all the memories of who he used to be. vav felt out-dated and distant now. he says this much to jeremy as they drive to their new apartment, and he laughs and tells him to check the glove compartment.

gavin pulls a pair of tacky gold sunglasses out, and takes one look at them before dissolving into howling laughter. he presses the back of his head against the seat and takes a few breaths to calm down. a few giggles escape his lips as he put them on, and these escalate as he flips the mirror down to look at himself.

“jeremy, i look – i look so stupid, jeremy!”

“i think you look great, buddy.” he looks at gavin for a second and pats his leg, before turning his attention back to the road. “y’know what might be a good name for you now that you’re ditching vav?”

“what?”

“the golden boy. gotta have a theme.”

gavin snorts and nods, glancing at the mirror again before flipping it closed.

it’s a year later, and gavin and jeremy are relaxing on the roof of their penthouse apartment, their legs dangling over the edge. jeremy’s head is on gavin’s shoulder, and he presses a kiss against his head and leans his head on his. the fake’s are infamous now, and they are at the top of the world. they are mortal gods in a dying city, and they love each other in the midst of their newfound chaos.

gavin still has bad days. he doesn’t go to seedy bars anymore or drink himself silly; instead, he’d hide in bed or cling to jeremy and he would let him. the numbness is still there, but it’s quieter, and he can feels invincible sometimes. this might be the happiest he has ever been. it's good.

the masks still litter his bathroom floor, but now it’s accompanied by gold eyeliner and loose bills. the golden boy is different to vav, different to gavin free, and that is the beauty of it all. his life is in the thrill of the chase, in blood and green screens and lil j’s sniper rifles. gavin’s is in the night sky, soft smiles and familiar green hair.

he still thinks that he is going to crash and burn one day, but this isn’t it. he isn’t going anywhere.

the night slips through his fingers and he finds that it is a little easier to breathe.

#fake ah crew #fahc gavin #fahc jeremy #pre fahc #so this is a huge vent thing i wrote like last night and today.#i just completely broke down and uh. this happened? okay #ya i wanna reiterate that i'm projecting here and the vast majority of gavin's thoughts and experiences are based around my own #just needed to get this out of my system #also fahc gavin and michael are trans i make the rules in this city #gavs also ace tho thats only briefly mentioned #its 9am somehow now. s/o to dissociation #aight i gotta bounce pls reblog this!!! validate me!!!!!!!!#mine

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lunarlover12 · 7 years

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Pre-FAHC Jeremy/Matt where Trevor waltzes in and joins their little crew. And of course falls for these two misfits. And confusion and pining as they all try to figure out their feelings and whatnot

#ragehappy #gta verse #pre fahc #stream team #jeremy dooley #trevor collins #matt bragg #I wish I would write this #but #my wrist hurts #and #it's almost 4 in the morning #so no #before I go down that rabbit hole

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vagrantblvrd · 5 years

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@rogueghost Tumblr’s still acting weird for me so I had to do the old DIY reply to your ask, but here you go. :D?

Oh, friend! There’s so much lore to Destiny that I haven’t kept up with myself because ~lazy. The AUs I’ve written are a mishmash of Destiny universe and ~artistic liberties on my part, so yeah.

(There’s an amazing video here about the lore thus far that I hope to watch One Day? But, again, lazy and lack of time to sit down to properly absorb it.)

Quick background on the games/Ghosts for those who don’t play the game/want to see me ramble on about A Thing:

The game tells us is the Traveler (giant white space orb/messiah/McGuffin showed up in our solar system which resulted in what’s called the Golden Age where human technology advanced like whoa. (But surprise, surprise, the Traveler was being pursued by an enemy referred to as the Darkness and things got messy for humanity, something that happened to several races that happened to run into the Traveler before us.)

There was an extinction level event several centuries before the events of the Destiny games called The Collapse when the Darkness caught up to it. The Traveler “died”, creating the Ghosts as it did to seek out Guardians...who tend to be dead at the time (they get better) who then join the ranks of the Guardians (who for the most part) fight to save humanity/the universe and/or engage in shenanigans such as flinging themselves off the Tower for funsies and the whatnot. (Guardians have no common sense, btw. Also, lunatics.)

BUT.

Back to your amazing prompt???

It would be this entire Thing on its own because I want to set it before the games back in the days before there was a Vanguard, which from what I gather from the lore I have read was not unlike ye olden medieval days/wild west with sci-fi twist, because yes. (Also, it was referred to as the Dark Ages, so yeah.)

Geoff and Jack are among the first Lightbearers that are referred to as Risen in various bits of game lore, right? Before the Iron Lords and the whole “Guardian” business with the Vanguard and the Tower and all that good stuff.

Back in the days where there were some like them who abused their powers over those who weren’t like them. Grabbing land and wealth for themselves and gaining followers through fear and the whatnot?

They spend a long, long time trying to figure out what the hell is going on because no memories of their past lives and this hellish world they’ve been brought back to with Fallen and God knows what else wandering the lands.

Just these little glowing balls of Light and sass nagging them about finding shelter and armor and weapons, getting them into hiding when Fallen patrols or other bandits go past.

Abilities before there were proper classes and sub-classes and all that.

Geoff and Jack both lean more towards the floofy jumps and glides of Warlocks. (not that they know what a Warlock even is at that point, of course.)

Jack’s abilities and whatnot lean more towards a support role, but he’s not defenseless, oh no. He learns to use his Light as a weapon and that goes for Geoff too.

They carry guns and knives and in a pinch whatever is at hand.

Run into each other in a little settlement somewhere and at first it’s this Thing where they’re keeping their Ghosts out of sight – Warlords and so on who flaunt their little Ghost friends and the way people have learned to react to them. (And also? Just smart not to go about advertising the fact you’re harder to kill than most, that if they don’t know you have a Ghost you won’t stay down once someone tries to put you in the ground.)

There’s an attack, Fallen or human bandits or some Warlord’s goon squad trying to terrorize the settlement into rolling over for them. Pay a tax or whatever they’d call it back then to “protect” them from the roving bands of Fallen and other enemies.

Can’t do much without giving themselves away – and why would they? They don’t owe these people anything, and that old woman scooping her wares off the ground where her booth’s been knocked down tried to shortchange Geoff less than an hour ago.

The asshole with the weapons parts Jack needed is – okay, he’s kind of dead now, but he lied to Jack’s face about not having them in stock. Said he’d have to ask around, and wouldn’t you know it that would cost more. (Jack can see the parts he was after spilling from a box hidden at the back of the guy’s booth and into the grass, blood all over them and what a mess.)

Still.

Jack quietly takes the parts he needs and leaves the money he would have paid fairly for them and a little more with the boy crouched beside the booth. (His mother’s a settlement over, said she’d be a bit before joining his father with the parts she was bartering for there.)

Sighs as he looks down the road the goons left on and starts after them. Geoff’s munching on an apple he got of a nearby tree and watches him go, all thoughtful about it because there are people mourning here and they don’t owe them a damn thing, and what does that idiot think he’s going to do about it?

So of course he follows, just to see.

The end up killing everyone at the Warlord’s little castle, wherever he’s holed up because none of them will listen to reason and the man’s a blowhard. Full of himself because he’s clearly been chosen for a reason, and what else could it be than to rule over the weaker, lesser people in this section of the world?

And Geoff, God, Geoff.

Died several times getting to this asshole, right? Snipers and assholes with knives and other melee weapons and he was in dire need up upgrading his armor before he waded into this fight, but he’s got his trusty Ghost buddy and this stubbornness that just won’t quit. Smiles because this pathetic weasel playing king and is just like, “Oh, buddy, have I got news for you.” and behind him Jack pops his super, Radiance lighting up the Warlord’s pitiful little throne room.

Geoff lets that sink in for a moment before he fricking nova bombs the Warlord in the face.

It kind of hurts a little, when they see the asshole’s Ghost hiding in a corner of the room waiting for the right moment to resurrect the bastard, because their own Ghosts and the bonds they’ve built with them, you know?

But the little Ghost floats out to the center of the room, looks down at the body of its chosen and sighs because it knew a long time ago it chose poorly. (Maybe the Warlord could have done great things with this second chance, but he chose to do terrible things instead.)

They could kill the Ghost, make sure the Warlord didn’t come back, but -

There’s no point to it now. The Ghost is surprised at their decision, maybe disappointed. (Easier for things to end and not have to consider everything that went wrong because of its choice of course. Having to go on however long with that hanging over it? Nothing like mercy, is it?)

So.

They leave the Ghost behind, and all the dead in the halls and rooms where they fell. Find the path that leads away from the settlement and that small little Warlord and keep walking. (Swear they see a light in the woods along the castle grounds following them for a distance, but they leave it be and eventually it vanishes, wandering as aimlessly as them.)

And then!

They kind of fall in together after that, aren't really friends but there aren’t that many directions to go in, you know? And sometimes the Fallen patrols and whatnot are tricky for one Risen to deal with alone and it’s just.

Convenient.

They’re not bad guys, really, certainly no villains, but wouldn’t you know it? There are a lot of people out there who claim they are?

All these warlords with their bounties and other thieves and grifters with grudges to bear against them. Settlements who aren’t sure what to make of them and are wary of strangers because it pays to be paranoid.

And sometimes they kind of do bad things, pilfer some goods off a settlement where the leader’s an asshole and it’s doing well enough for they won’t miss just a little and so on and so forth. (Ignore the fact they maybe stop ‘round a poorer settlement or homestead kind of place to barter their stolen goods for a place with a roof over their heads for the night and so on. Because unimportant and definitely not a Good Deed or anything.)

Eventually they happen on this little asshole of a Hunter, a kid, really. (Well, no. Just. Young.)

Skittish, almost, the way he acts around them and after they win his trust by sheer dint of doing nothing he joins them beside the campfire they’ve set up.

Well, not nothing. Just. Something?

They set up camp in a clearing of the forest they’ve found themselves in this time. Tired after crossing a snowy mountain rage and it’s warm enough where they are they won’t freeze to death at night. (Once was enough, thanks.)

Hunt and fish and forage for food and leave the Hunter they spot lurking about alone when they realize he’s no threat to them.

Eventually Gavin gets curious enough, or maybe something else because he comes to their campfire with tidbits of food of his own. Treats and delicacies he’s made himself or bought or traded for somewhere else to supplement whatever Geoff and Jack caught/foraged for themselves.

They share stories, mostly Geoff and Jack about their adventures up to then. Little ones, because they’d hate to spook Gavin, scare him back into the forest and probably gone off somewhere they don’t stand a chance of finding him again.

After a while Gavin offers up some of his? Mostly advice for the area around them, dangers to look out for like Fallen patrols and the like.

Geoff asks after this human bandit encampment he heard about from a settlement nearby and Gavin goes quiet. Shifts uncomfortably before he tells them it won’t be a problem anymore and leaves it at that.

They don’t ask because they have stories of their own that end like that and it would just be rude after the goodies Gavin shared with them, so they don’t press.

The three of them wander around the forest for a few days, a week. Headed the same direction to another settlement nearby and it’s pretty nice having someone else around for a change, you know?

But once they reach the settlement Gavin vanishes on them and knowing how skittish he is, they don’t go looking for him.

A few years – twenty, thirty, maybe more – go by before they run into Gavin again.

They’ve left Earth a few times since then, gone wandering in these Jumpships that fell apart on them before too long and they ended back up on Earth.

By that time there’s a new group of Risen calling themselves the Iron something or others, and they’re out there giving the Warlords a time of it to hear the stories.

(A few from this shady guy who owns a bar in this little settlement that grew up to be a tiny town. Tells them about this lady named Efrideet responsible for the hole in the ceiling of his fine establishment, but he doesn’t seem too annoyed about it, so it’s probably fine.)

Run across this kid in a town somewhere, angry as hell and taking on some Warlord’s stooges with just his fists. Seems weapons would just slow him down because he’s doing just fine resolving whatever argument or debate he’s engaged in by punching the shit out of his opponents.

When it’s over they buy him a drink because it saves them the trouble of handling things themselves – picked up a bounty not too far away the kid took care of for them – and they offer to split the reward money since he did all the work.

And Michael, okay.

Squints at them because he sure as hell doesn’t know them, but who is he to turn down a free drink?

He agrees to taking a quarter of the reward because it seems they won’t accept anything less, but whatever. He would have have kicked the shit out of those assholes anyway for trying to bully the people here and this way he’ll have a little extra money in his pockets. (Whatevers.)

They part ways there, but he tells them if they need a hand they’re welcome to in touch with them.

Geoff and Jack wander a little more. Hear about these Iron Lords or whatever they’re calling themselves these days and are understandably concerned because the warlords business and who says these idiots are going to be any better?

(Say they’re out to protect people and all that, but entire settlements, towns, have gotten caught in the crossfire between them and the warlords and the only ones to walk out of it are these Iron Lords. So. Yeah. They’ve got some trouble thinking anyone’s a good guy in that scenario.)

More time goes by and they’re at some little outpost somewhere when Gavin pops up out of nowhere.

Strained look on his face and eyeing Michael who’s with them warily.

Says, “I could use your help,” which is a first because whenever they run into him he’s the one helping them out.

Hell of a sniper and no one better they’ve met when stealth is needed and anyway, anyway, they say yes because of course they do.

Like this little idiot who creeps around the wilds like it’s second nature, goes delving into Darkness Zones looking for God knows what. All kinds of trouble he gets up to and no one watching his back and just.

They worry, okay? They do.

More so with the way he’s all wound up about something. Won’t even tell them what it is until they’re out of the outpost and miles into the woods. Ghosts telling them no one’s around to listen in and even then he’s nervous.

Michael, who’s been quiet through all this loses his temper, snaps at Gavin to get on with with it already, fuck’s sake.

Jack goes to rein him in because Gavin and skittish and just, not what they need right now?

Only as it turns out, it kind of is because Gavin just.

Spills this story about coming across a crashed Fallen ketch in the mountains nearby. Too deep into Fallen territory – and treacherous terrain besides – for anyone to have reason to go up there.

But because Gavin’s an idiot and his Ghost is just as much of one, they went up there anyway.

Snuck past Fallen patrols and the whatnot to get into the ketch and found a Ghost in an odd little device that kept it from transmatting somewhere safe. Little thing begging them to find its chosen because the Fallen had caught them by surprise.

Overwhelmed them in an ambush and caught the Ghost in the cage it’s stuck in, kept its chosen because they thought he had answers they wanted.

Gavin glosses over the interrogations the Ghost told them about, how they’d torture its chosen to the point of death and have it resurrect him to do it all over again and the worst part is its chosen honestly didn’t have the answers to the questions they kept asking him? Resurrected a year ago a most when they were captured and wandering through the area by chance and just bad luck all around.

Anyway, anyway, he knows they don’t know this poor bastard, but Gavin can’t just leave him there, okay? He can’t get the guy out himself, but if they don’t want to help that’s fine, he understands, he’ll find a way -

Geoff and Jack are just like, no, you little idiot no, we’ll help. Just. Don’t do anything stupid okay?

Gavin is like “...okay?” because he didn’t know if they’d say yes – none of their business and sure, they’ve been pretty vocal about not getting involved things that don’t involve them, but that’s all just talk.

(They’ve been getting into trouble that didn’t concern them for a long damn time before now, and hey, Gavin’s kind of their business because they like him okay?)

Michael doesn’t know what Gavin’s deal is, but he’s always up for a fight and nothing better to do and when Geoff and Jack ask if he wants to go along he’s just like, sure, why not?

Gavin isn’t sure about him because Michael is a stranger to him? But he doesn’t seem too bad and Geoff and Jack like him and anyway, the more the merrier?

Thy follow Gavin up to the Fallen ketch, take out Fallen patrols and whatever else in their way headed there. Gavin has to sneak in ahead of them because there are traps and security measures the others would trample their way into and just.

“Be back in a moment,” and goes invisible because he’s got all them Hunter abilities and the whatnot.

There’s this uncomfortably long bit of time where the others are in hiding to avoid being detected and wondering if Gavin got caught by the Fallen. This whole argument about having to break in and save him too, which is when Gavin reappears, all “Took longer than I expected, but it’s all clear now,” and scares the bejesus out of them because Hunter and stealth and where the hell did he come from?

Gavin shrugging and totally not laughing at them as he takes the lead.

They get pretty far in before they’re noticed, and then it’s all fighting and shooting and maybe dying once or twice to be resurrected by their Ghost or picked up by a teammate.

Gavin makes for the trapped Ghost first, figures they might need it by the time they reach this captured Risen which, yikes? (But also smart, and also it’s easier to get and on the way and just. It works out.)

The Ghost they rescue sticks close to Gavin and his Ghost, nervous little thing after all it’s gone through and then there’s more fighting and the whatnot to get to this idiot who got himself caught.

Dicey moments and definitely some dying on their parts because there’s a Fallen tank in the ketch - naturally - and all these Vandals with their fricking wire rifles they don’t see until it’s too late, and anyway.

It’s a hell of a fight to get the guy.

Have to deal with a Kell, because of course they do, but four Lightbearers deal with him better than one or two would have and then they get to rescue the poor bastard.

His Ghost tutting and fussing and Ryan – because of course it’s Ryan – is just like, I’m alright, stop worrying and also?

Suspicious of his rescuers because he’s never seen them and four Lightbearers? Makes him Concerned, okay.

Things aren’t as bad as they were before the Iron Lords or whoever showed up, but it’s still.

He’s not very trusting, is the thing.

Grateful for the rescue and all, but not super friendly. (Which, understandable considering his recent experience.)

The group sticks together for a few days after they get out of the mountains and back down to a nearby settlement. Aren’t surprised when Ryan goes his own way – tells them he owes them one and goes off with his Ghost for more adventures or what have you.

No one is surprised when Gavin follows him all stealthy-like.

Well. Not as stealthy as he could be, because he doesn’t want to make Ryan jumpy about feeling like he’s being watched? But Gavin kind of bonded with Ryan’s Ghost a bit when he first ventured into the Ketch. Couldn’t sneak out right away and ended up living inside it avoiding Fallen for a few days. Crept down to see Ryan, talk to him when he could to tell him he’d find a way to get him out of there, you know?

(Hiding out in some little corner somewhere in the Ketch – too risky to sleep or too paranoid and there’s one or two Fallen watching Ryan he can sneak around to see him. Think about how it’d feel if he was the one in Ryan’s position and how easily that could happen to a lone Lightbearer and how awful it is that Ryan’s been there all that time and no one knew and just. He’s attached now, alright?)

Ryan too out of it most of the time to know about it, but his Ghost tells him about the idiot who went snooping where he really shouldn’t have been. Lurking about the Ketch even after he could have gotten out to make sure he had the layout and patrols memorized before going for help and just.

Everything.

So he’s not worried when the same idiot follows him when he goes on his own way, getting more bold or just bored/curious when he stops pretending he’s not following Ryan and walks into the little camp he makes somewhere.

The two of them traveling around together for a while, a few years, maybe more before they get a call from Geoff and Jack because Michael’s in a situation thanks to this asshole he fell in with somewhere.

Nothing too dire, just need the extra firepower and they help get Michael and his buddy Jeremy out of a Cabal base somewhere.

And then they go somewhere to celebrate and just. Stick together for a while?

Nothing more pressing to deal with – the Iron Lords have things pretty well in hand and all, warlords mostly gone and a semblance of order to things.

But there are still baddies out there, places the Iron Lords don’t have resources to protect just yet and they make a living out there.

Bloody, ugly living sometimes because baddies who were born that way and no one else to handle things and they’re not the bad guys here, but they’re not good either.

The SIVA clusterfuck happens and there’s this...chaos, panic for while. Things get hectic, threaten to go back to the way they were before the Iron Lords and it’s awful right?

This little group of Lightbearers out there doing what they can to keep things from getting too bad even if it means liberating goods and supplies from people hoarding them, refusing to share with those in need. Stopping the more aggressive assholes from trying for power grabs and the lot.

Maybe a few of them think twice about forming the kind of bonds they have when they see what happened to the Iron Lords because they’re not invincible even with their little Ghost buddies, you know?

But they keep on keepin’ on and watch as more and more Lightbearers show up, the City grows and Titans built its walls and the Vanguard come into being. Lightbearers start calling themselves Guardians, of all things.

And that gets derisive snort from Geoff because pretentious much? But the Guardians grow in number, fight against the Fallen and whoever – whatever – else threatens humanity. (Their City.)

Put out patrol beacons and organize strikes and all that nonsense and all these freshly resurrected Guardians going out and doing good things with their second chance. (Some driven by the desire to help mankind and all that, others by the promise of loot and prestige, and those with nothing better to do and a Ghost nudging them in the direction of being helpful.)

Still they hold out for a while, not wholly trusting in the staying power of the Vanguard and what they’re doing in that City of theirs or their Tower after seeing what happened before them.

Eventually though, they get curious.

Or maybe the Vanguard’s heard about them and they got curious.

Whichever one it is, they end up running a few strike together. Do some patrols on the side because guaranteed glimmer for some menial task they would have done for free. (Would have gotten parts and supplies anyway, handful of glimmer, but now? Better pay and earning trust in the bargain.)

Stop having to scavenge for the stuff they need and – this is bonus in Gavin’s mind at least because he’s never forgotten what happened to Ryan – someone besides one of them who’ll notice if they’re in trouble or go missing.

Who will send others to look for them (how many times have they done the same for the Vanguard already? Asked to find some wayward Guardian who bit off more than they could chew) and mourn them if they can’t be saved.

To be honest, Geoff and Jack are all about that side of things with the idiots they’ve joined up with, you know? Michael and Jeremy are one thing, get into trouble for the hell of it sometimes, but Ryan and Gavin?

Those two get up to trouble because they’re too damn stupid. Go off on their own into Dead Zones and everything else all the damn time, wander the wilds for weeks on end where communications are spotty and they won’t know they’re in trouble until long after the fact.

Ray’s even worse, but he’s one of the most capable Lightbearers any of them have met so it’s. Bad, but the whole trust thing?

(And anyway, there won’t be a time they aren’t worrying about any of their idiots, so. Yes.)

Maybe this Guardian business isn’t such a bad thing after all.

Still takes a while before they decide to throw their lot in with them, move to the Tower, but eventually they do.

Have this hidden base of sorts in the wilds all nice and locked down in case something goes wrong – Cabal attacking the city and cutting off their link to their Light, for example – and other hidey spots and boltholes all over the system because.

Paranoia for good reasons and being prepared, and anyway, anyway.

They have this little section of the Tower for their group, little clan, if you will. Pick up new Guardians every so often. Freshly resurrected or ones they hit it off with when the Vanguard sends them on strikes and the whatnot.

Lindsay and Trevor and this whole slew of new idiots Geoff and Jack watch over in their own way.

Gavin is thrilled at not being the only Hunter in the bunch when they find Alfredo. (Or maybe he finds them???)

Anyway, there’s this feeling of safety, security they have now they didn’t before being part of something bigger than themselves. (Not perfect, because the Vanguard can be horrifically shortsighted at times, but they’re doing their best.)

Also?

Loot.

Lots of loot and glimmer and that’s the important thing.

Really.

#ragehappy #fahc destiny au #rogueghost #Prompt Fills #technically not a fic #vagrant fic #i just #have FEELS about pre-Tower era or whatever it's called #i'm also bad at game lore #so my timeline for this is probs jumbled up #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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multismundisimpero · 4 years

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--> ( Matt tag dump! )

#self; donut lord #verse; coded mysteries behind locked walls (gta | matt)#verse; left to the wayside / i crawled my way out (pre-fahc | matt)#verse; mages are powerful and dangerous / just not this one (minecraft | matt)#verse; firewalls protect our lives (xnv | matt)

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battlingbuddy · 4 years

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--> ( updated tag dump because i’ve lost control of my life - part 1 )

#{ a dead man walking // hidden in plain sight -- gta }#{ our talents combined // we're an unstoppable force -- agency }#{ hard to say who i am // got a closet full of thoughts -- pre-fahc }#{ got a voice in my head // begging for violence -- xnv | villain }#{ bring it on // cause i love the fight -- xnv | hero }#{ a lust in my heart for them hittin' the ground -- god of sacrifice}#{ trail of blood that’s drippin' on by -- blood mage }#{ it feels like // the weight of the world on me -- people's king }#{ i wasn't whole // before this feeling existed -- lab experiment }#{ roughin' just as tough as when you're missin' a friend -- sole survivor }#{ to the girls whose fingers bleed from playing guitar -- genderbent }#{ your old self is dying // the man you still paving the way -- musings }#{ envision dreams you’ll never know -- aesthetics }#{ here’s a lesson for this session -- interactions }#{ what color is magenta a shade of? mAGENTA -- ic crack }#{ they wait and watch you everyday -- dash comm. }#{ local haphapin’s -- discord interactions }#{ push forward // let them know you won’t be left ignored -- about }

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shadeofazmeinya · 6 years

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Maybe a Freewood where it's fahc au, they are in high school and both join the same crew, Gavin is a nerd and Ryan being a jock. Idk I kinda combined 2 thoughts?

I’m always a fan of them knowing each other before joining the Fakes! And both knowing each other young. Maybe they never talked much in school, different social circles probably different years as well. Never had a reason to get to know each other but then they’re seeing each other doing these criminal activities and they’re surprised. Maybe a little distrustful and definitely think the worst of each other at first. I mean, Ryan sees this pompous rich kid all the time at school, always needing attention or hidden away with his nose stuck in his laptop. Doesn’t think much of him at first, but then slowly comes to find out that these riches are all from stolen money, his family’s been in the criminal business for generations and it was only natural Gavin should join in. But he’s trying to find his own way, not doing exactly what they want. And maybe find some corruption that isn’t as bloody thirsty as theirs.

And Gavin sees this shy kid, but a decent guy. Has good solid friends that don’t like him just because he has money, is a decent sports player. Could get a good scholarship, go to a good college, live a good life. But here he is, wasting it away with running with this random crew. Only to find out later Ryan’s home life isn’t exactly that great either. Or really, non-existent as he’s left to find his own money, his own way to survive. He’d never afford a chance at college and certainly doesn’t have the family who’d care if he went. He’s just trying to stay on his feet. The two dance around each other for a long time but eventually get to know each other. Maybe become friends.

And when that first crew they join turns to shit, destroys itself from the inside out, the two stick together as they run away. Forming their own crew until they find a better one with like-minded people to join.

#fake ah crew #fahc #freewood #not a lot sorry #don't write much high school aus #but i do enjoy this thought #love pre-fahc freewood #hacker gav and his terrifying bodyguard #Anonymous

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wlnterhawks · 6 years

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fjoird replied to your post “fahc fandom stop making jeremy a rooftop sniper challenge”

more underground fighter jeremy

FINALLY AN INTELLECTUAL

#HELLOOOO pre-fahc jeremy as an underground fighter is SO GOOD #fjoird

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miss-ingno · 4 years

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Commission: Someone Like You

Fandom: ragehappy Ship: Raychael (Ray/Michael) Words: 1.1k Tags: pre-fahc, pining, not-good-enough angst, happy ending

Summary: Ray's been in love with Michael almost as long as he's known him. But now that Gavin's entered the picture, he's not just losing his crush -- but his best friend, too.

A/N: For @lunarlover12 who wanted some mutual pining Raychael <3 we only see things from Ray's PoV but let's assume there's been a lot of past pining on Michael's, too :P

Read here on Ao3 or here on Patreon.

***

"You're coming to Los Santos with me, right?"

Ray hadn't even given it a second of thought before agreeing. It was Michael who asked, what else could he do? So what if Michael doesn't return his feelings, he is still his best friend and this is what best friends do. Ray thinks. He's never had a best friend before.

And now he's going to lose him.

It's all his own fault, too.

Los Santos is a city full of crooked cops and gang wars. Up and coming criminals constantly fought for the top spot, unseating the previous kings and queens in the city of saints. The latest crew emerging worthy of note are the Fake AH. What the AH stands for, nobody knows.

The Fakes, as far as any of Ray's contacts could tell him, consist of three or four people with an astonishing track record. They waltzed into the city about two months ago, immediately uprooting established gangs and taking over their turf. They've also officially declared war on the Corpirate, the current king of LS.

Ray would prefer to stay far away from them and the trouble they're seeking, but.

The other fact he knows of the Fakes is that they're recruiting. Actively and selectively. That wouldn't be a problem, except the Face of the crew, their so called Golden Boy seems to have a specific target in mind:

Michael.

It started with a job they took, just Michael with Ray for secret back up. Ray picked it because it seemed low risk, high reward, with a decent payoff even if they split the money. And it worked like a charm, too: with Ray on overwatch and calmly calling out positions in Michael's ear, they wrap up in record time and without Ray giving away his presence.

But while Ray packed his sniper away, slow clapping echoed across the empty shipyard. It took Ray a moment to locate him. The Golden Boy leaned against a shipping container, legs comfortably crossed at the ankles and watching Michael through golden glasses. His smarmy grin put Ray on guard immediately.

"Well done," he said, pushing off the container to swagger up to Michael. "Impressive, even. And I'm not easily impressed."

Ray expected Michael to be wary, to brush him off. And he did, but the Golden Boy wasn’t deterred, continuing to flatter him. He sidestepped Michael’s prickly exterior and right into his space, metaphorically and literally. To Ray’s surprise, Michael let him. Didn’t protest as loud as he should, didn’t shove him away, and that’s when Ray knew he’d lost him.

If there is one truth universally acknowledged in Los Santos, it's this: the Golden Boy gets what he wants. Always.

It doesn't help that he and Michael hit it off immediately. The third time Michael comes home to their joined flat, brimming with excitement after going out for 'bevs' with 'Gavvy', Ray realizes that this is it. He's losing his best friend, without even jeopardizing their friendship by bringing up his feelings.

“-so he invited me over to his place next week, we’re gonna play some Mario Kart, you should-”

“He what now,” Ray interrupted, trying to maintain a neutral face despite the jealousy flashing through his heart.

The thing is, before all of this, Ray thought he had a chance. Michael flirted with him, in that friendly, gruff way he had. Except now he sees the same behaviour directed at someone else, and he can’t tell if it’s just how Michael is, or if Gavin holds his interest, too. And if it comes to a contest between Ray and the Golden Boy, Ray knows who wins.

It’s not him.

“Yeah, he wants me to meet his crew. It’d be good to have strong allies in this city,” Michael explains, grin bright and happy. Ray’s heart sinks. He knew it would come to this, but now that they’re here, he finds he’s not ready to let go.

Michael will go far, and Ray will remain behind. Invisible, like always. Alone again.

He’s happy for Michael, he tells himself. He is.

He’ll get used to it.

“I thought we were gonna check out the parking garage on 9th street,” Ray protests, though it’s quiet, more of a grumble than anything. Michael rolls his eyes.

“It’s not like we’re gonna spent all fucking day down there.” Michael musters Ray with a long, intense look Ray can’t quite meet, focussing instead on his game. “You can come with, you know. We don’t have to tell him all about your ‘secret sniper identity’ or shit.”

“And intrude on your special ‘boi’ time?” Ray drawls, rolling his eyes in turn. “Yeah, no thanks.”

Michael’s eyes narrow and after a long, tense moment, he points an accusatory finger at Ray. “Wait. Wait. Are you… jealous!?”

Ray gapes at him and sputters, “Wha- jeal- me? What? No!” Then he clears his throat and tries to compose himself, heart thundering away in his chest. He puts as much nonchalance as he’s able to into his next words (which is none). “Why would I be jealous?”

"Because I've been spending a lot of fucking time with Gavin, apparently!" Michael exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. But Ray's brain gets stuck on one specific word in that sentence.

"Fucking?" he presses out through a tightening throat, and hopes the dry delivery makes it sound more sarcastic than desperate.

"Fuck, no." Michael’s nose scrunches up in distaste, and Ray is swamped with relief. “What the fuck, Ray. Why would you think that?”

“S’not like you’ve been around much,” Ray mutters, crossing his arms. “How the fuck should I know.”

Michael sits down next to him, staring at Ray without replying. Ray ducks his head, fiddling with the controller in his lap. Maybe it’s for the best if Michael assumes Ray’s best-friend-jealous. That way, Ray can continue to pine for him from a safe distance.

“So do you want to grab some burgers or something?” Michael asks, breaking the stretching silence. Ray’s head snaps up.

“What, now?”

Michael shrugs. “You got anything better to do?”

Ray bites his lip, glancing back at his game, before saving and quitting. “Guess not.”

***

Ray’s halfway through his Up-n-Atom burger which Michael insisted paying for when he freezes, staring at Michael with wide eyes. Michael, whose foot has been nudging against his while he gesticulated wildly, regaling Ray with his latest adventure.

“Wait,” Ray says, and Michael pauses mid-sentence. “Wait. Is this a date?”

“Duh.” Michael rolls his eyes and steals a fry from him. “So, anyway, as I was saying…”

#raychael #ragehappy #fake ah crew #fahc #fic rec #ingno writes #commissions #writing commissions #mutual pining #pining Ray #pre fahc #inspired by Adele's Someone Like You #but also listened to Good Enough by Evanescence #so those two are like the mini playlist for this lil fic #thank you so much for your support luna <3 #I had so much fun with this ship #first time raychael whoo!

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