#praying to every higher power for a happy ending lol!

[monsoonsummer]

white snow by @gingertumericlemon

for eddie and chrissy and all the unbroken lines between them

(read spirit stick first!)

truthfully, i have so much hellcheer fanart inspired by all and sundry because this fandom's writing is incredible (hello @/ebongawk @/erythromanc3r @/enoughtotemptme @/cyraclove @/a-strange-inkling and so on and so forth!!!)

but ! ginger had to kindly bear witness to my utter meltdown in DMs lol and i'll go on and on about teen beat being my hellcheer bible but spirit stick was my catechism AAAND anyway

short hair eddie was so hard to draw man

[jokingmisfit]

Not Yet Forgotten

Platonic Future Hamato Brothers x Neglected Reader

Warnings- Angst with Happy Ending, Reader is Casey Jr's Sibling, Neglectful Parental Figures, Severe Injuries, Mentions of Blood and Broken Bones, Near Death Experience, Hurt with Comfort, Head Injury, Mention of Reader having Mystic Powers

Notes- I may make a different version from 3rd person pov to show how bad the boys felt. I don't know anything about medicine so please forgive me for any incorrect everything. Wrote this right before therapy and I think it shows. Lol, Enjoy!

Your breathing was fast, but muffled through your hand. It felt like your lungs were on fire. You don't know how far you've run, but you hope that it's far enough.

Only an hour earlier, Krang dogs surrounded you and your crew. The rest were already dead... You were frightened and angry. You knew that if only they'd taught you how to fight as well as they had Casey, then you wouldn't be in this situation. They didn't care for you. Your brother being far too important, apparently, for you to be cared for at all. 

Made sense in your mind. You didn't look like your mother like Casey did. Didn't share a name or even blood. Just another "stray" she'd picked up, but she loved you. In her own way. Too bad when she died the knowledge she left you with was all you'd be given. No sessions with Leonardo. No kind words from Michelangelo or Raphael. No scolding on health or knowledge from Donatello. It was like you were invisible. Unimportant. 

You and your team had done so much. Achieved amazing things, but every achievement was overlooked. Every injury was ignored. Perhaps you did learn a few things... Fending for yourself. That didn't help now, though.

Climbing the rubble. You could feel the parts of your body move in ways they weren't made for. You were strong but how strong would you have to be to defy death itself. You had sent out the SOS so long ago, yet it seems as if nobody will come.

Your blood stained broken concrete rocks. You prayed to whatever higher being was above that, just this once, they wouldn't overlook you. That the people who were supposed to care the most would save you.

You finally collapsed at the top of the heap. Only small peaks of the red sky could be seen. You were safe, for now, but you were bloodied and broken. Your stash of medical supplies were carried by a dead man. You wouldn't last, not long, at least.

You hit the alert again seeing as the purple light went out. Hitting the button over and over as your breath thinned. It felt harder to breathe with every second. 

An alert came back to you. A communication. You heard April once say it was like a phone call. Whatever that was. You pressed the button to hear the voice on the other end. It was Donatellos.

"Are you there? Can you hear me?" His voice was wavering. Something you'd never heard before.

With a raspy tone you whispered out your response. "You got... got te loc-location right?"

He sighed on the other end. "Yes we have it. A rescue team has already found the rest. Where are you hurt?"

"Hehe." Your laugh is cut off by coughing. Blood bubbling up in your lungs and throat. Looking at the gashes and stuck out bones, you answer. "Every- Everywhere..."

Silence met you on the other end. Silence and the clicking of the keyboard.

A deep breath, and you talk again. "I know... I- I know you all... Probably don't- don't care... but I don't wanna die... I don wanna die." A sob escapes your mouth, cutting off your sentence.

The pain and fear causing tears to cascade down your face.

The clicking stopped at your words.

Donatello responds after a few seconds. "They're almost there... I- You need to stay awake and you'll be fine. We- I won't let you die."

"I'm- I'm so sorry..." Your breath stops in your chest. "I shoulda- should of done better... I try- tried so hard... Was never good enough. I can't- can't breathe." Your words are heavy and painful as you sob them out.

"HELLO!" You heard Leonardo yell.

Before you had a chance to answer a light came from your gear. The communication line ending and sends an alert to the other mutant.

Footsteps could be heard from multiple beings. Talking and panic is heard as you stare at the broken roof with blurry eyes.

Raphael's face coming into view before anything else. If you weren't in so much pain you'd smile at him. Instead you stare as he picks you up gently. His words sound soft but melt in your head making them unknown. He holds you close and moves quickly. 

A whisper escapes you. "you came..." The statement soft and broken from your lips. The only evidence he heard you being the tilt of his head as he stares with worried eyes.

You held on tightly to your consciences. You held on for however long it took to be laid on a table. Long enough to have something put over your face. Long enough to feel a hand pet your head slightly as your eyes finally close.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It hurt. Everything hurt. Your eyes flutter open, but they're unfocused.

"They're awake!" You heard someone yell.

You flinch at the noise. A whine escaping the back of your throat from the pain.

"Be quiet. They're not going to react well to loud noises." You heard another voice scolds matter-of-factly.

You huff out heavy breaths. You try sitting up only for a large hand to, gently, hold you down. You blink several times to try and see better. Figures, shapes, and colors bounced around but nothing appeared sensical. 

"How are they?" A voice says nervously and stern at the same time. Their footsteps stop towards you.

The hands that were moving on and around you pause for a moment before an answer. "They're discombobulated."

"What the hell? English, Donnie." The voice answers.

Your voice is scratchy and comes out in squeaks. "Don- Donnie?"

Your question goes unanswered, but you were glad you finally knew who one of the voices belonged to. You were with Donatello.

"They had a head injury, so their brains jumbled. They can't see straight... At least we can be sure that they can hear fine." He answers with distaste.

A hand sets itself on your head and plays with your hair. The voice above you talks nervously. "So shouldn't we be talking to them? They're probably so scared right now. Aren't you?"

You realize that the end was directed at you, but you lost the energy to answer. You tried to speak, but nothing came out, as if your body didn't agree with your mind."

"Mikey’s right," The deep voice spoke. "We need to comfort them right now."

You wanted to tell them not to force themselves. That you knew they were only here because you were hurt. That once you were better they'd go back to the way it was before. But you couldn't speak, and the feeling of actually being cared for felt so nice.

The weight in your chest may have been painful, but it felt so good to be loved. If your head wasn't so fuzzy you might have cried.

Your name was called, almost urgently. You hadn't realized you weren't listening. So caught up in your own head that you forgot to listen.

You looked slightly to the person calling out to you.

"You still in there, kid? Lost ya there for a second huh?" You could hear the smile in his voice.

That was Leonardo right. He's the one to smile when things are bad. That means the deep voice was Raphael... All four of them were there for you.

You wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. Maybe you were imagining things?

"You need to relax. Your heart rate is spiking..." Donatello tells you strictly.

Raphael's voice picked up from the foot of your bed. "Don, I don't think they can necessarily control that... Y'know?"

"Sigh," Donatello answers him. "I'll fix it myself."

You felt the bed adjust, setting you up slightly. You felt his hand on your arm fiddle with something sticking out of it.

You felt calmer, almost, instantly. Surprisingly, your vision cleared slightly. Things still blurred but you could make out their faces so much more.

A crowd of turtles that left no space to see what room you were in. The lights still felt too bright, yet they were dimmer than any room you’ve been to. The blue lights gave you more of a clue. The screens lights bouncing and reflecting off the men. Was this Donatello’s lab? It had to be.

With your eyes now clearer you were able to hold them onto the figures separately. Their blurred faces held concern, fear… It was definitely a sight.

“You feelin’ better?” Raphael asked sweetly. He loomed over the edge of the bed, yet still he managed to keep a distance.

Despite the medicine making you feel better your head and chest still layed heavy on the bed. The only response you could manage was a broken noise from the back of your throat.

Leonardo laughs sadly. “Y’know maybe we shouldn’t ask them too many questions, heh.”

If you could shake your head in agreement you would. The other three certainly did, or at least it looked like they did. 

You took a deep breath in and out letting everything sink into your skin, into your bones. You had your own list of questions you wanted to ask them. Like, how bad is the damage? Why are all four of you here, there’s more important things to do? Did any of the others live?

You could feel all four eyes on you. Feel them stare like you were the only thing worth looking at. It confused you, so you turned your eyes to the only one who you knew had all the answers, Donatello. 

“Right, well I suppose you want answers. Yes?” He asked, oddly nervous. “Where to start,” he whispered to his screen before sighing. “You have a major concussion, obviously, you have two broken ribs, a broken leg, a sprain in your right arm, you have large lacerations on your abdomen, and you had punctured one of your lungs.” He lists off easily. “All of which have been cared for, however you will be immobile for quite a while. I estimate approximately 12 weeks and 3 days. Do you understand?” He asks you calmly.

You huffed at him, hoping he would understand that you were listening. He seemed satisfied with your response and went back to typing on the screen. Of course you were slightly confused by this as you hoped he’d elaborate on why they were all there.

Clearly noticing your confusion Raphael talks with guilt. “I think they’re confused on why we’re here…”

He says it like he can read your mind. 

“Why would they be confused about that?” Michelangelo laughs out shakily.

“Probably, because we’ve neglected them for years.” Donatello answers within seconds.

Leonardo being the next to speak, like they were taking turns. “We really fucked up that bad, huh kid?”

You couldn’t hold his gaze. The guilt was so evident on his face. You’d never imagined they’d realize what they’ve done. You pictured you’d grow into an adult and leave the Resistance without anyone knowing you were gone.

“Listen, I know- We know we should’ve done better for you…” Leonardo sighs. “You are just as important as everyone else. As the Resistance. As Casey Jr. I was always so caught up with him and being a leader I forgot that I had to be there for you. You always seem to have a hold on everything. Always seemed so sure. So confident… I never thought you might need help to. It was such a terrible mistake and I should have known better, should’ve been more and done more for you,” He leans over and grabs your hand gently. “I promise to never act like that again. I will never let anything hurt you like this. I will never leave you alone again. I swear on my life kid I will do anything, everything to make this up to you.” Tears from his eyes fell onto your clasped hands.

You couldn’t hide the shock from your eyes as you were crying too. It was like your body finally jump started and tears fell so freely.

“You were always so strong,” Raphael starts. “I don’t think any of us thought that our lack of attention would hurt you so much. You always shined so brightly on your own.” He chuckled sadly. “I never thought you’d need us so much, Jr’s strong too, but he relied on your mom more than you so when she died we- I thought you could handle yourself. You’d never seemed to waver. I’m so sorry.” 

The regret he held in his words weighed heavy on your mind causing more tears to fall from your eyes.

“My turn already?” Michelangelo laughed, tears in his own eyes. “Heh, I remember this one time I was talking to one of your group members, she seemed so excited to join your team. I remember I asked her what she was so excited for… It was you. She told me that she had seen you and your team fight. Saw how well you worked together, but she was mesmerized by you. She told me years ago she idolized me for my mystic abilities,” He laughs quietly. “But she admitted in this conversation that she idolized you even more. Because you were more like her than I was and your mystic abilities were so strong…” He pauses with a sad silence. “A part of that conversation fortified in my mind that you didn’t need anyone. You were able to figure everything out all on your own. Lead your own team. Fight and save lives like a pro. I should have taken into perspective your feelings. I used to be so good at feelings, but it seems I’ve lost my way a little bit. But I promise not anymore. You’re never going to feel left out again. I guarantee it!” He ends off happily

Silence fills the room. The only thing truly heard was the buzz of machines and various sniffles.

The silence was cut off again by Raphael. “Donnie… Are you going to say anything?” He asked both encouragingly and authoritatively.

“Sigh.” Donatello stated tiredly. He turned to face you more. “I’m not good with emotions. They were never something I could grasp fully. I’ve worked hard on fixing that, but I see in some areas I have… failed. I personally assumed if you needed help you would come to me, however looking back it’s clear you had and I pushed you away.” He states uncomfortably. “As an adult I should have been more prepared and I wasn’t… You were just a child, you are a child, and you’ve experienced so much on your own. I can assure that we plan on remedying that.” He ends sincerely.

After listening carefully to all their words your heart swelled with happiness. You were still afraid that they may not be true, but you were hopeful and so glad to finally be seen. The love you felt radiate off them in blissful waves made you smile. You forgave them as soon as their words left their mouths. As soon as they told you they cared. There was nothing better than feeling true love for what felt like the first time. You couldn’t help but be happy.

“Get some sleep, Kid,” Leonardo says. “We’ll be here when you wake up.”

[cynfulworld]

what music genre/song was touching your soul tonight?

Ummm…. This is long and probably over sharing….. scroll to the end for the song if you don’t want to read.

When I was going through divorce from my first marriage I came across this particular song. I married too quickly, too young, while running away from a life I was trying to get out of. It became clear pretty quickly that I had made a mistake, he was not a kind person, and I asked for a separation. My then husband opted to leave the state, returning to where he grew up. Fine with me but we had a child, a 1 year old boy, and he just cut out on him. We never heard from him unless he was calling to ask me to send him money. Can you imagine? Lol. He always had a reason but the truth was he was partying and eventually he disappeared completely. Anyway…. At this time in my life I was heartbroken, lost and terrified. I was a new mom on top of becoming a single mom, on state assistance, praying for childcare grants so I could work or go to school, terrified I was fucking up my kid, ended up working days, going to school nights. I questioned every decision I was making, held in my emotions because I felt like it was weak to have them at all. That I didn’t deserve to. I just took one day at a time, and I heard this song that just totally spoke to me. Encouraging me. It was like a conversation between me and God (or whatever you choose to call a higher power). Expression of fears and an answer in the chorus. A guiding hand.

“And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair”

That song was a promise. A promise that there would be better days….And there have been. We (my son and I) made it through the muck and the struggle. He never doubted that he was loved. I grew in motherhood, completed schooling, focused on being the best I could be as a mom and in my career field to give us a future. One day at a time, we moved forward, with joy and love together. Those are some of the best days of my life, even in the struggle. It was hard but also, we thrived. About 4 years later I met my now husband. He taught me what a loving relationship truly is, took my son as his own and eventually we were (surprisingly) blessed with another child. As with any family and relationship there are challenges, we aren’t perfect, but we are for each other and for us. Everyone has their life challenges, that was one of mine :)

“And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair”

That promise came true for me. I’m a blessed and lucky girl. I got over that hill and found happiness. Love no longer breaks my heart, but it dismissed my fears and opened a whole new world to me.

I love that chapter of my life. The song is called “After the Storm” it’s by Mumford and Sons. Everytime I hear it, it takes me back to standing in front of the bathroom mirror, getting ready for another day, hanging on to those lyrics, to that promise. I look back at that girl and love her.

[ontheblock]

Hey u said you’d post the Orochimaru fic pt 3 may i ask where it is?

hi !! it‘s right here. i won‘t lie but i also won‘t go into details, i had a massive mental health drop and had the hardest time writing something coherent. fingers crossed it didn‘t ruin my writing ability lol. i really thought about not posting this since it‘s not up to my standard but i really can‘t make myself write on this even longer and make people wait. so many reached out to me to finish this LMAO. which makes me happy that so many enjoy it :)

offspring pt iii

warning: animal death, vomit, dubcon, manipulation

offspring pt i . offspring pt ii

The first few weeks after your aborted runaway attempt, you sometimes found yourself wandering the halls way after tucking the baby into bed. You haunted the lair like a ghost, unconsciously searching for something but in the end you never encountered another exit; and maybe you were a ghost. Maybe Orochimaru let his genetic spawn kill and eat you - claw into the abdomen you birthed it from, crawl up into your ribcage to rip into your heart with the skinny fangs that shot from the soft gums - after birth and this was all just your brain producing pictures of how things could’ve been. But wouldn’t those pictures be good? Did you consider this to be good?

You didn’t know. You didn’t know a lot of things. You didn’t know the name for the son you grew inside you. You didn’t know if you could morally call that your son because with every passing week, month, it looked less like something that was a person. You didn’t know what he was capable of. He developed at a rapid pace - walking within a few months and grabbing onto whatever was in reach from the very start, he even grew at an abnormal rate. He barely had to bathe unless he got his hair filthy, those ink black tresses that reached his tailbone and looked just like Orochimaru‘s. It was the only hair he had. Otherwise it was all smooth cold skin, textured with subtle scales.

His features didn’t change. Eyes rimmed in lavender, still far apart on the head and overwhelmingly yellow with thin slits as the pupils. The nose was almost nonexistent, just a bump on his sleek face with a single curved slit as the nose hole. And his mouth had no lips, just a thin line stretching into the boys cheeks that he could open wide to expose tiny teeth growing from the fleshy gums. His body was thin but he didn’t seem sickly despite his heartbeat being visible through his chest. His hands had unnaturally long fingers and thickly growing nails you had difficulty clipping, same with his feet.

Despite his fast physical development he didn‘t seem to want any solid food, only hanging off your chest to feed whenever Kabuto brought him back to you. He didn‘t talk, just grabbed for your chest the way he saw his father do all the time. It always made your stomach feel hot and cold with disgust.

So when the boy didn‘t show up one day, it made you pace in your room like a distressed animal in a cage. After months of the same routine you couldn‘t handle the sudden change. You pushed out of your room, into the empty hallway. Your anxiety spiked with each step shooting cold aches up your bare feet. Orochimaru never wavered from his usual schedule but you prayed to whatever power was higher than Orochimaru himself that today was the first day even for that.

You tried every door, checked every corridor and peeked into every room until a wave of cold air hit you in the face upon opening a creaking door. You heard shuffling inside and dared to push the door open wide. The room was big and the floor laid out with rotting hay. In a corner sat a hunched figure, black hair cascading down the back and pooling on the floor. Your words were lodged in your throat as your son craned his neck around at a painful looking angle to catch your eyes. His face was smeared with red, glistening around the mouth and dripping off the jaw as his hands palmed a half skinned rat.

You took a step back as his hands slowly moved the feast back to his face, pushing his open mouth back into the stomach of the rodent. Your back hit resistance, smooth fingers braced against your shoulders to stop you against Orochimaru‘s chest. “Why are you so pale? Didn‘t you voice your concern about him not eating anything despite his fast development?“ There was a smile in the voice and you turned your head to look with a haunted shock in your face. “I thought I should ease your worries by introducing meat to the diet.“

You turned slowly, staring at Orochimaru whose eyes were fixed on the scene in the room. “Why would you-? He‘s-“ You stomach was flipping rapidly and you choked on your words, finally convincing Orochimaru to let you got when you doubled over to retch and heave up your last meal on the filthy floor and the front of your own robe. Your stomach acid burned your nose and throat raw, cotton stuffed your ears and you didn‘t even notice what was going on around you, not even when hands held your hair out your face. All you envisioned was your son pulling the spine from that rat‘s body to spit it back out onto the floor littered with fur and smaller bones.

This was a nightmare.

You didn‘t remember passing out but the next time you blinked, you were tucked into an old leather wing chair like a child, the vile smell of vomit fading into mild soap and dusty parchment paper. The room was dimly lit and turned out to be one of Orochimaru‘s many athenea stacked with all sorts of books and scrolls to collect dust.

You shifted, sitting up on the chair and feeling a damp spot where your hair was resting. You were bathed and changed into fresh cotton robes, hair only half dry and letting the collar of your clothes soak up some moisture.

“And what have you learned?“

You flinched hard, turning towards the desk that was lit up by an oil lamp. Orochimaru loomed above a book, his attention now shifting towards you. “Hopefully to stop looking where your eyes don‘t belong.“

Your hand clenched around the coarse blanket. “How could you make him… do that?“ Orochimaru finally shut the book, tapping his nail onto the hardcover. “The goal was to catch the rat without light or special help of weapons. Anything else was just nature.“ And you swallowed because if that was true, if the only rule was to catch that thing with his bare hands, it meant that he had it in himself to do that - had it in him all along, during all the nights he was with you still.

“So he…“ You didn‘t dare finish that sentence, didn‘t know where it was going anyway. You slumped deeper into the chair instead, just watched as Orochimaru approached. “Yes. It- He was a success. You created a miracle. I never doubted you for a second.“ That was a lie and you knew it. All the old tales you remembered contained deceiving serpents with tongues coated in silver. As a kid you wondered why they chose to use snakes, why they all agreed on snakes being evil by nature. But whoever started it was right.

Orochimaru crooked his finger in a beckoning motion, coxing you to stand. The blanket pooled on the floor with your motions, the leather groaned under you as you pushed yourself out of the seat.

“Can I go now?“ The slight tilt of Orochimaru‘s head made you stare at the floor and lower your voice. “Please?“, you rushed out quietly. Orochimaru seated himself in the leather chair, sinking into the cushion. “Do you want to?“

You were torn between simply leaving or waiting for him to elaborate. He always seemed to read your thoughts before you, so he continued. “You don‘t look eager to leave. Is it because you spend your time alone these days?“ You looked at him, shifting on your feet as if your mind was ready to abandon this conversation but your body hasn‘t caught up to the decision yet. “I do things on my own. I read.“

“Do you?“ Your mouth snapped shut. What was he even trying to say? “What do you-“

“Do you regret not leaving when you had the chance?“

“I don‘t-“

“You wouldn‘t get more attention out there. You already made the right choice by turning back.“ A moment of silence stretched through the room and the distance from the chair to the door felt impossibly big now. “I don‘t want attention.“

“Well, you haven‘t been this talkative in months. Why don‘t you sit down?“ Your brows scrunched together, eyes bouncing between Orochimaru and the forgotten oil lamp on the desk. “I don‘t want to sit.“

“Sit down.“ He hasn‘t used this voice with you in ages - harsh, like a whip on your thighs for being disobedient. The last time he talked to you with a threat in his tone, you were just his underling - he was just your master. Whatever you were now, it wasn‘t the same.

And yet, you sat on his leg gingerly, feeling tossed back in time. His hand found the small of your back and his low body temperature seeped through your clothes. “All you needed was attention.“

“This isn‘t- It‘s about the baby. He‘s not an animal so you-“

His other hand rubbed your leg, pushing beneath the robe to squeeze the skin. “You need to teach them early. I can‘t waste such potential but I can compromise if you‘re feeling neglected.“ It was frustrating when he wouldn‘t listen but the familiar feeling of his hand inching towards your core had your stomach twisting into knots and your senses were overwhelmed.

“You‘re wrong.“ Your thighs locked together as you tried to hold onto coherent thoughts. “Stop trying to- to…“ Orochimaru kept up the lazy caresses. “I‘m not doing anything.“ You let out an irritated huff, refusing to let his hand slip between your legs whenever his fingers tried to snake between them. He didn‘t show any anger at being denied, instead he pinched the skin of your thigh until you relented and released the tension in your muscles.

“You‘re trying to feed me lies.“ You squirmed on his leg as Orochimaru massaged into the inside of your thigh. “Do I? Wouldn‘t you say I‘m more knowledgeable than you?“

“That‘s not-“

“I already assured you to find time for you. Do you really want to be difficult?“ Icy fingers brushed over your pubic mound and the sudden touch made you jerk in your seat. “I‘m not.“

“I think you‘re feeding me lies here. Don‘t you know where that leads you by now?“ Skilled fingers drew figure eights right into your clit, the dry pressure bordering onto painful. You bit back a hiss by holding your breath and dug a hand into his pant leg. “This is what you wanted. You could have gotten it much easier by using your words.“

You shook your head, lips pressed into a thin line as you focused on a particular stack of books. “No? It‘s certainly what you stayed here for, isn‘t it?“ Again, you wanted to deny but the reason why you did stay slipped your mind. You knew he ordered you to but there was no consequence to leaving, was there? He has always been the more intelligent one, always walked away as the winner of an argument even with Kabuto.

Your lack of response was understood as resigning, as always. So Orochimaru manhandled your back against his chest and your legs spread out over his own. “I- I didn‘t come for this“, you tried as Orochimaru fished a vial of amber liquid from one of his pockets. You watched slender fingers unstop the vial, tipping it into his open palm. He spread the oil in his hand, going in to cup your pussy with his slicked hand. The oil was still cold enough to make you suck in your breath but the sensation it left on your skin was like fresh sparkling water. Every bit of skin it touched felt warm and tingly.

“You came here because you felt neglected.“ That wasn‘t how you remembered it like. His fingers smeared the oil through your folds and you had trouble figuring the rest out. Your head dropped with a soft gasp as two long fingers pushed inside. “No, I-“

“Yes.“ His voice was pressing, maybe because his face was right by your ear to peek over your shoulder. “You came here and asked for my time like a stray dog.“ His fingers crooked inside you, dragging and scraping against your walls with every hand movement. You moaned, jerking in his lap as his fingertips passed over your sweet spot every other thrust. You held onto his sleeve like a lifeline. The oil was almost not necessary now that you were dripping down his hand but something told you this burning in your gut and the fog in your head wasn‘t supposed to be there.

Your head fell back against his shoulder, legs shaking and toes flexing. “Can‘t- I can‘t…“ Your robe was sticking to your skin with sweat already. “But you asked for it. So you‘ll take it.“ A third finger slid inside and he pressed in impossibly deep. “Didn‘t… Did I?“

Your eyes fluttered open, unaware you even closed them. His other hand stroked your cheek, pushing strands of hair out your face. “You did.“ You couldn‘t argue anymore, not with his fingers buried deep in your pussy and the aphrodisiac in the oil rushing you to your peak. Your head lulled to the side, hiding your face in his neck and puffing hot gasps and whines against his skin. It was all you could do since you ask for it in the first place.

[ycurkxng-a]

Late Night Fuckup.

Characters: Dean King, ???

Warnings: Unrequited love, idk what else could really be tagged here lol

There was nothing in the world that could describe the aching that filled the void in Dean Kings chest, his heart ached and his stomach tightened at the lone thought of his desire. That feeling was only made worse by the contact information page that he stared at on his phone, the face, the number.

Of course he had to tell them, but how could he?

How could he do that? It wasn't as easy as just calling them and confessing, there were so many other things that went into it. And he'd already learned that no, the worst thing they could say or do wasn't just to reject him, it got so much worse than that in past attempts.

Even with that, every part of him screamed to call and to let every emotion and thought that ran rampant through his mind out through stuttered and panicked words. He wanted to tell them so badly, he needed to hear the flat out rejection to even have a chance of moving on. It'd been so long, why couldn't he do that?

Dean hadn't confessed in the past, that was his fuckup, but once he saw that they did indeed find someone else to love them, he felt himself shatter. Of course he had kept up a facade of happiness and support, but inside he screamed and berated himself for not saying anything. Maybe he'd have had a shot if he wasn't such a fucking wuss, but now here he was.

They were in love with someone else and happy, they never shut up about that special someone, it was as if they knew what he was thinking and only wanted to hurt him more. Of course that was irrational, even he could understand that in his twisted state of mind, but alas- it didn't make anything hurt any less.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck, he just had to do it. He had to get it over with, bite the bullet and whatever the hell people said about stuff like this.

His heart hammered in his chest as he gripped the phone so tight he thought the screen would start to crack, a shaky and uncoordinated thumb managed to find the "call" button, and it hovered over it for a few moments. What was holding him back?

..a lot of things, actually. Doubt, fear, anxiety, so much anxiety, shit.

Without thinking, he pressed down with his thumb and jerked back, letting go of his phone in the process which fell onto the floor as it rang out. The sign that he'd actually started to go through with it, and Jesus Christ, it couldn't end fast enough.

Everything hurt, his entire body shook violently as if he was a sopping wet dog, and his mind raced in the moments that felt like hours. Goddamnit, could they just-

"Dean?"

Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK-!

Their voice was soft spoken and intoxicating because of it, it acted like a punch to the gut at the same time however. He could only imagine that voice rising in volumes when he confessed, shit, was this even worth it?

"Dean, are you there?"

He couldn't do it.

Goddamnit.

He reached a hand out and grabbed onto the phone, taking a deep breath before holding it close to his ear. "Oh, shit.. did I call you?" Dean asked with a forced chuckle, "Yeah, you did.. at 2 in the morning."

Christ, was it really that late?

"I'm.. I'm sorry, must've pocket dialed you." He lied through gritted teeth, praying to whatever higher power was out there that he'd be spared from his own stupidity, and that they'd believe him. "You just go and rest.. you got work tomorrow, right?"

"You woke me up." They grumbled, he could practically hear the irritation in their tone. Shit, maybe he should've just confessed. "Again, 'm sorry, I'll get out of your hair." Dean mumbled, lowering the phone from the side of his head and quickly hanging up.

Silence filled the air and crushed his entire being, Jesus Christ. He didn't even go through with it, all he succeeded in doing was pissing them off, the last thing he wanted to do.

Dean's knees curled up close to his chest before his head laid down atop them, his heart ached even more than it did before as if that was possible.

There was nothing in the world that could describe how he was feeling.

[aotimagines]

Can you also do a scenario for Levi with Hanahaki disease?

I haven’t written a scenario for Levi since 2018 and this is what I come back with. Um...I’m so sorry. Angst is my forte and it’s easy for me to write, so...yikes. I also listened to drivers’ license on repeat to set the ambiance for this piece and now I’m sad, lol. Sorry! Maybe I’ll write something happier for Levi to make up for this one, lmao. Enjoy! 

It was happening again.

The tightness in your chest constricted your lungs like a snake had coiled around the base of your throat and squeezed, cutting off the air to your lungs. Your head spun, black dotting across your vision, and the uncontrollable urge to cough itched in the back of your throat. You had to hold it down. ‘Please, not here,’ you mentally begged to any entity listening above the skyline to not expose your dirtiest, darkest secret to your colleagues. Your nails dug into the wooden table, leaving behind crescent-shaped marks in the cherry-colored lacquer and the color drained from your cheeks.

No one would notice your struggle if you kept it together, you reasoned. Hange was going over something about Marley and you had, admittedly, tuned out about thirty minutes ago. Whatever it was had to be important because they had everyone’s attention, to your knowledge. Out of the corner of your eye, you were vaguely aware of Levi’s sharp, piercing gaze lingering on your face, but you squeezed your eyes shut and internally begged him to just look away.

Inside of your chest, the flower that bloomed burned like a kindling ember, the stems brushing against your lungs and taking up space you needed to breathe. Experiencing this was painful, but it was nothing like the white-hot agony you felt whenever you realized that the person you loved would never return your feelings.

You had tried to let go—had tried to release your feelings and live with your fragmented heart—but nothing had worked. How could it when the person whose affections you desperately wanted worked alongside you every day, helping and caring about you in his own awkward, weird way? It wasn’t fucking fair that you had to live like this.

Except you didn’t. You knew about the removal process and, as a soldier, you knew that it was what you needed to do for yourself, for the future and for humanity. Every time you thought about getting the surgery performed, the aching of your fragile heart—the singular bloom of hope still lingering in the pit of your stomach—protested against the idea. You had never felt this way for anyone before in your life; how could you just ignore that and have the flower removed? How could you forget about happiness that the feelings gave you, or how it felt to just be by his side in silence of the night?

Living with this flower growing inside of you was painful, but the thought of having to give up Levi Ackerman was excruciating.

“That’s all I wanted to talk about today! If everyone could follow me, I want to discuss some improvements to the thunder spears I’ve been working on…” Hange’s voice flooded through your reverie, snapping you back to reality. Your knuckles were stark-white from the tight grip you had about the wooden table, your fingers easing from the leg once the feeling of having to cough seemingly passed.

As the group shuffled out of the room, there was one person who waited—one person whose unreadable facial expression made you tense up where you sat. “Four-eyes was that boring?” his flat voice drawled and, even without looking up, you knew his slate-colored irises were glued to where you sat. It had you anxious, the sensation of having to cough flaring up in the back of your throat once more. Instead of answering verbally, you shook your head and prayed that Levi would take the hint that you wanted to be alone. The sound of his shoes reverberating off the flooring allowed the tension you had been holding between your shoulders to dissipate, a wave of relief washing across your body. You were finally alone to cough in peace.

The instant you opened your lips to try and draw in a shaky breath, it began. A powerful cough strangled your breathing, the sensation of something lodged deep inside the back of your throat causing your body to lurch forward. Tears pricked your eyes as your coughing turned into violent dry heaving, the wheeze from your lungs desperately trying to push out the planet inside of your body echoing throughout the room. Hange and rest of the Survey Corps’ higher ups were probably in the weapons room by now, leaving you alone to your own suffering. Your fingertips dug into the stone flooring, your sputtering finally expelling the first fist-full of bright-blue, blood-slicked flowers from deep within your chest. Once it began, it didn’t stop. Over and over again, you threw up the bright flowers, their beauty tainted with the crimson blood dribbling from each and every petal.

At some point, you became aware of a hand resting against your back, dread serving as an anchor tethering you to where you knelt on the floor. When your gagging calmed down, you sharply sucked air in through your teeth, desperate to catch your breath and stop the feeling of your head swimming. You knew you were covered in spit, blood, and forget-me-not petals, but you didn’t care about your physical appearance. The person at your side didn’t have to speak—you already knew who was at your side.

“Please,” you croaked, voice husky and hoarse from having just coughed up over a dozen flowers in one go, “don’t say anything. Please, Levi.”

“You want me to sit back and watch you kill yourself?” came his blunt remark, much to your dismay. He wasn’t going to let it go; of course he wasn’t. The two of you had been together for a decade at this point and the worry that he felt for you buzzed through the air like electricity.

Your wild eyes met his taciturn expression, tears streaking down your face. “I don’t want to talk about this. Why did you even come back in here?”

“If you were hiding this, you did a shit job. You acted weird throughout the meeting. How long?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Levi clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth. “Is that something you could be saying?” He was quiet, gaze flickering to the pool of flowers on the ground before tentatively bringing up in a quiet tone that was almost uncharacteristic of him, “You’re dying, and you didn’t say anything. Were you just going to lie down and not fight this?”

A laugh bubbled from the back of your throat, disbelief written across your face. Pushing off the floor, you sat back on your knees. “I don’t want to have the surgery.”

“…That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Levi brought himself to his feet, hands brushing off the imaginary dust that clung to his clothing. Without much warning, his hand hooked around your arm and hoisted you up, his strength guiding you towards the door. “You want to die? Then do it under someone else’s watch.”

“Let go,” you demanded, yanking your arm away from his grip. Frustration simmered inside of your veins, your hurt and anguish for this man finally spilling out in one fell swoop. Hot, fresh tears gushed from your eyes, yet you made no move to conceal them. Your heart was, for the first time in over ten years, on display for Levi to see and the fear of his rejection wasn’t enough for you to keep your silence any longer. “You don’t get to dictate what I can and can’t do! So what if I don’t want the surgery? So what if I’m being stupid? Even though I’m like this, I can’t let go! So, what am I supposed to do, Levi?”

The raven-haired male was silent for a moment, drinking in your broken features with a glint of concern etched into his body language. It was faint and difficult to see, but you knew him like the back of your hand; it was easy to tell and see what he was thinking, at this point. His lack of response prompted you to shake your head, your voice small and as fragile as splintered glass as you asked, “Is there really no way you’d love me back? Am I putting myself through hell for nothing?”

Levi was tight-lipped, body tense and unmoving as he continued to study you. Desperate, you latched onto the sleeves of his jacket, voice thick with tears. “I fucking love you, Levi. If there’s even a chance for you to feel the same, please tell me.”

A long, drawn out pause filled the air until Levi’s fingertips—calloused from years of training and fighting—uncurled your hands from his frame, features pressed into the same, apathetic expression you were so used to him wearing. “Get the surgery,” he said firmly, his singular sentence tearing you asunder from the inside out. Your face crumpled, the flower inside of your chest throbbing painfully at the notion that he would never love you back.

No matter how much you wanted him, Levi Ackerman wasn’t in love with you.

“I’m telling Hange when I walk out this door. Once it’s over, things can…go back to the way they were.” Helplessly, you watched Levi exit the room, missing the way his features twisted in misery as he listened to you collapse into yourself, your sobbing playing again and again inside of his head.

How could he promise you something when everyone he ever loved withered and died underneath his touch? You were too precious to lose, even if it killed him in the end.

Inside of his chest, a familiar burn pulsated, the urge to cough becoming more and more difficult to ignore even as his legs carried him down the hall.

[elriell]

Answer to my LONG ask friend, posting it like this because I imagine it would be way to long or else! 

hi i hope you dont mind me asking, but perhaps any elriel meta will be willing to cover the whole berons alliance with the queen? because i think thats our winning argument in favor of elriels endgame. and i wish im not reaching or overthinking this lol.

why it will be our winning argument? becaue the whole beron pledged alliance to the queen dont mean anything just yet, it hasnt been flushed out yet (sarah left it open ended), and it will definitely be the main conflict in the next book just to set up the final book and war where all the sides has been established whos with who.

because in my perspective, elriels story really will trigger that conflict and rhysands warning in az pov is literally the set up for that conflict.

when i read acosf, i was thinking there is literally no point of beron making alliance with the queen aside him wanting to be the high king, more power, why would he do that when the queen is in the continent and him in prythian, other high lords will surely oppose him being the high king. thus its two (if the queen indeed would help him) versus six since koschei is still trapped in the lake. plus, his alliance is still a secret, surely other courts will learn of it, wont they?

now however possible consequences from elriel, beron perhaps will use the rejecting mating bond—the blood duel—as a reason to declare a war and have other courts against the night court or eris will finally dethrone his father and be the high lord. and with eris being the high lord, isnt that going to be one of the key topic for morrigans book? sarah also confirms morrigan book and she admits that she doesnt know what the novella is going to be, so its same to assume that mor will get a full novel.

fyi, i cant see lucien will challenge azriel though, he is decent and will respect elains choice, but beron as cruel as he is will surely do something sinister.

and i stumbled across an account on twitter and they compare elriels story to helen of troy and the set up of the trojan war is literally the same as elriel. also, beron reminds me of agamemnon in troy movie (2004), both of them want more power. there are a lot of similarities, imo, between elriel and the set up of iliad. in iliad there is also a duel between hector and achilles (this is me reaching lol).

thus, aside from elains connection to the dread trove, elriels conflict also has the logical conflict that tied to the whole overarching plot for the plot of the series to move forward toward the end, because like i said the whole berons alliance need to be addressed and in acosf it hasnt been addressed yet, at least not enough.

im really sorry if i come off as rude by asking this. i would do it honestly, but i dont have the confidence to post anything online (hence, im anonymous) and im not as convincing as the others in terms of flushing the arguments.

also, you are literally keeping me sane when all of elain antis trying their hardest to discredit elriels.

thank you❤️❤️❤️

Hi! I’m that anon who said that Elriel’s conflict with Beron could be the winning argument for our ship since they are tied closely with each other based on Rhysand’s warning in Azriel POV. If you decide to answer that question, would you mind if you answer this one instead? As I’m pretty much still stand on that point however I’d like to add and correct some statements that I think I don’t express clearly in my previous question:)

If you don’t mind, I’d like to post my theory here, anonymously, since I’m not confident enough to post my thoughts online yet as I’m afraid I’ll be judged harshly lol. And perhaps other metas such as you would like to elaborate more on the matter since I think it is a vital plot for Elriel’s book. It’s quite long, I do apologize for that:)

Like I said, Beron allegiance with Briallyn didn’t make any sense to me and it also took me by surprise when I read ACOSF. Why?

A. Briallyn lived on the continent and Beron is in Prythian. Wouldn’t it be better for him to seek an ally that is closer to him instead? We know that Beron wants to be an ally with her because he heard about her ambition. And I suspect that Beron wants to be the High King or kill Feyre since he knows that she has his power. But one thing for sure is that he wants more power.

B. If he indeed wants to be High King or kill Feyre then I don’t believe that the other high lords would comply with him. Therefore, Beron wouldn’t stand a chance against the other high lords and lady in Prythian since it is two (before the queen was killed by Nesta) versus six. Plus, Briallyin lived in the continent thus her allegiance was not something that he could hold on to, imo.

So obviously we know that Briallyn is dead and her allegiance doesn’t mean anything anymore. However, from her allegiance with Beron we now know that Beron for sure set to be the other villain of this new overarching plot alongside Koschei. And I also think that Beron would be the main villain for the next book because a villain as big as Koschei would likely be dealt in the last book.

Now, why is it tied with Elriel? I think Rhysand’s warning in Az’s POV explains it plainly, and I can’t help but think that it is a set up, a foreshadowing, of what would happen in the next book, especially since Koschei’s plotline is not foreshadowed enough in ACOSF and we only know of his onyx box which we get from ACOWAR.

If we acknowledge that Elriel is endgame and their story is next, then Beron surely comes to play in the next book. Their relationship will push the overarching plot one step closer to its climax.

FYI, I can’t see Lucien invoke the Blood Duel himself, he is a decent person so he will respect and understand Elain’s choice to be with Azriel since it is definitely where we are going in the matter of endgame. But, Beron, as cruel as he is, will surely make use of the situation to profit himself, to reach his ambition that is momentarily squashed with Briallyn dead.

These are possible results of what could happen with Blood Duel plotline:

1. Beron would ally himself with Koschei as Briallyn did before because he knows he is outnumbered if he declared a war against the Night Court.

2. Beron could convince other high lords in Prythian to go against the Night Court if Lucien was killed in the Blood Duel, I pray that it will not happen though Lucien deserve some peace and happiness with the woman who wants and loves him voluntarily.

3. Eris would rebel against his father's order for Lucien to invoke the duel, and Beron would be dethroned by Eris and he would be the next high lord of Autumn Court.

I personally lean more on number three, because with Eris being the high lord wouldn’t it be one of the key topics for Mor’s book? It is already confirmed that Sarah pitched Mor’s story as one of the books and she admits that she doesn’t know what the novella is going to be. So, it’s safe to assume that Mor will get a full novel, not a novella one. Seeing her sparse appearance and development we’ve seen of her in ACOSF, then it is also logical to assume that Mor will not be the next book main character.

In conclusion, Elriel needs to happen to address Beron's situation and bring the overall plot of the series a bit higher before it reaches climax in the final book. Is it also possible that Beron’s scenario still can be addressed without it being tied to Elain and Azriel? Yes, but, I will say it again, Rhysand’s warning is a clue, a foreshadowing, of what conflict will be covered in the next book. For an author to drop something as big as that but not happening is a lazy writing in my opinion.

In the previous question I also mentioned that Elriel’s story is kinda similar to Iliad. Their set up is pretty much similar to me, however, I don’t think Elriel’s story will end in tragedy since Sarah doesn’t like to read, write, sad endings.

I’m sorry if I come off as ordering you around, but I really appreciate it if you and other metas also put your thought in the whole Beron/Elriel situation since I’m 95% sure Elain book is next and Azriel will be her LI seeing there is no progress with her and Lucien yet.

And I still stand by my point, you and other Elriel metas keep me sane when all of Elriel antis trying their hardest to discredit all of Elriel’s interaction and feeling in order to make their ship endgame. Thank you so much❤️❤️❤️

Wowza! This has got to be one of the longest asks I have ever received, hahah, congratulations and thank you for taking the time to write it to me! 

I would definitely consider doing such a meta, I am working on my Elriel debunking one currently, chipping away at it slowly! It’s a big boy.

I definitely agree that it is a very important and key point because like you said Elriel will be the trigger that pushes this story forward, giving Beron the push he needs, and also it will give or potential for Eris to step in and also Lucien by proxy. It would as you said accelerate the whole plot.

I have said before and I will say it again, Elriel brings so much plot to the story and ties in so many different characters, that say Gwynriel for arguments sake, doesn’t. I have no doubts at all who are the next POVs.

Agree with literally every ounce of your first ask, they have all the ties. There is no point mentioning The blood Duel if it is never going to come in to play, whether they actually do it or get close too it has to happen now. And if that is the case then Elriel clearly has to happen to get there! I don’t think Lucien would participate because I think he would respect Elains decision but who knows...

I feel like their is potential for his hand to be forced by say Beron or someone else, like you said though all ties roll back to Elain. And her ARC. 

I am so sorry you don’t feel like you can post it yourself, because you clearly have some great well thought out perspective, and you are well spoken. I am sure the fandom would love to hear your thoughts from you, when you are ready of course. Until then you are always welcome to come here and share with me!!

Going to answer your second one separately because I didn’t read the second one first and now I see you said to answer the other one ahhhahaha

[inthiswhisper]

alright, it’s been a while, so my whole episode... recap? analysis? commentary? thing is rusty, but 8x16 got me excited for a few reasons.

i’m focusing on prometheus’ very familiar story and character parallels. despite what dean says about sam dying like prometheus, within the context of this episode, he’s not prometheus. i think he’s actually oliver, prometheus’ son.

the real promethus is (not a shocker) dean. what first tipped me off is this moment—

—of dean staring at the family. dean has had a history of yearning for one, image similar to ben and lisa, which is important but not anything new, so i dismissed it. then sam explained—

dean: didn’t [prometheus] steal fire or somethin’?

sam: yep. he stole the flames of olympia for us. zeus decided to revoke humanity’s ability to make fire, and in return [for prometheus’ actions], zeus decided to strap him to that mountain and make him relive death every day.

dean: damn, every day for how long? no wonder the guy’s hard drive is fried.

—which, again, is important, but defying gods and protecting humanity are already obvious elements of the show. however, what really struck me was how dean and prometheus both suffer from immortality by a higher power. one as a consequence of his actions, the other to play a pawn in god’s game. both men die over and over at the hands of a god binding them by fate, enough that it grows tiresome. like what dean says too often, at the start of the episode even prometheus says—

prometheus: all i know is all i do is die, so if you want to shoot me, shoot me. just promise me you finish the job ‘cause i can’t take this anymore.

—wishing to stay dead. and, though an eagle eating prometheus’ guts is easy to dismiss, it’s interesting when you learn what intestines symbolize (limbo or the halfway point between a beginning and an end) and what eagles symbolize (strength, courage, and immortality).

dean and prometheus are either always killed or on the brink of death, finally passing a halfway point to reach the end, until they’re revived — forced to fulfill a duty or endure a punishment. survival / protecting people via strength and courage (eagle), which once was the goal, now eats away at them, leaving them perpetually stuck in limbo (intestines) and growing tired.

but, even if they don’t want to continue, the will they have left to try is drawn from their children — oliver and sam (who i’m counting as dean’s child). sam and oliver have their commonalities, and as i’ve said before, i think dean would have stopped trying if it wasn’t for sam. similar to prometheus’ feelings about oliver—

sam: you pretty much saved the whole world.

prometheus: yeah, i guess, but none of that means anything unless i can save my son.

—protecting sam is dean’s priority. prometheus struggles with immortality and is willing to die, but knowing his son has taken on that burden means he needs to rid oliver of the curse first. likewise, though the trials were intended for dean and he made it his mission to be chosen, sam beat him and is now taking on the mantle, but dean still won’t let him die because of it.

so much so that dean is desperate enough to pray to (really, beg) cas to watch over sam—

dean: listen, you know i am not one for praying. in my book, it’s the same as begging... but this is about sam, so i need you to hear me. we are goin’ into this deal blind. i don’t know what’s ahead, or what it’s gonna bring for sam. he’s covering pretty good, but i know he is hurtin’, and this one was supposed to be on me. so, for all that we’ve been through, i’m asking you... you keep a lookout for my little brother, okay?

dean: where the hell are you, man?

—and protect him. like how oliver rejects sam’s offer for ice cream to stay at his father’s funeral, sam is holding himself up and being braver than he is about the trials. even dean being the one to light prometheus’ funeral pyre and comfort hayley (reminding me of dean before, watching them be a family) touches on some symbolism.

however, dean’s prayer actually holds another parallel — one similar to asking cas to protect sam, except of sam convincing artemis to stop her father and protect oliver. this is where it all takes a turn. right before sam wins artemis over, he exposes her feelings for prometheus—

sam: [prometheus] was in love with you, you know. he told us.

artemis: what did he say to you?

sam: this wasn’t the first time he escaped that mountain, and that you let him go free, as long as you could hide your little tryst from [zeus]. you were afraid [to tell anyone or else your father] would find out that you fell for the person he hates the most in this world.

—claiming she is not only in love with him, but also helped him escape his banishment, where he endured never-ending punishment. at the end of the episode, she even kills her father to save prometheus and the people he loves — caring about them because of prometheus — and helps them regain their free will. 

not to state the obvious, but... unless we know of someone else who symbolizes free will and rebelled against their father-god and freed a prometheus-paralleling character from a fate-bound narrative of endless torture (or, hell), all while vowing to protect his family... i can only think of cas here. (i also obviously associate cas with prometheus — his protection of humanity, his immortality, and the emmanuel vibes — but for consistency’s sake, i’ll keep from rambling.)

however, prometheus gets caught in artemis’ crossfire and dies with zeus. she doesn’t take his body, leaving it for oliver and hayley (again, ben and lisa vibes) to keep because she’s willing to let go even if she loves him. but... i think both artemis and hayley count as his love interests. like the immortal / monstrous beings and their mortal / human partners we met this season, one half of the pair meets a tragic end, usually because the other is at fault for the death. never out of malice, always grief, because either their lives or their love couldn’t outlast their reality. and, though artemis killed prometheus, hayley freed zeus, which put him in danger. for which she apologized for and grieved over with dean.

we already know dean and cas’ end was tragic, but what’s interesting — what i’ve mentioned before — is that it wasn’t his grief that took cas. it was his happiness. it was loving dean that much. out of all of these relationships’ ends, that was the difference.

and all of this might be me talking nonsense and seeing parallels that aren’t there, that’s fair lol, but it’s hard to ignore the overlaps that exist between these characters and their mirrors.

[neo-culture-mafia]

NCT 127 (+Lucas) Reaction: S/O Gaining Feelings After an Arranged Marriage

Hello people!! This took…some time lol. I was working on this during finals and I just wanna apologize to @ilook-soperfectstandinghere14 AGAIN for not getting this up earlier. Please leave feedback…cause I suck at fluff…but I tried (not all are fluff btw) so…yeah…alright bye.

Also…Winwin is in this. Until SM puts out an official statement saying WInwin is NOT in NCT 127…you’re gonna deal with my ass being an OT10 stan…just saying. If you wanna fight me on it…just remember the block button is easier to press than you think ;). 

~J

LEE TAEYONG:

He wanted to rule by himself…not have a ‘queen’ as his parents called you. He had told you the night of the wedding that you have your room and he has his room and not to cross each other’s lines and boundaries. You were completely fine with that and respected that…but then your emotions got ahold of you and your heart was yearning for someone’s affection. You wanted Taeyong but you knew that you and he would never mix. It was like hell trying to not go up and talk to him and start something…anything. 

At dinner was the worst though. You would eat alone at the super long dining room table meant to fill 40 more people…and you sat by yourself with the only thing to keep you company – your mind. 

You would sit and eat and sit…and eat with no show of Taeyong. He would take his food in his office just so he didn’t have to sit with you. It hurt a little, but you’ve grown used to it now. 

Tonight was different though…it was eerie and more silent than usual. The silence was deafening. Just to hear something, you ‘accidentally’ clanked your fork against your plate. 

The ring calmed your heart but still made you on edge. Then as if on cue – lights go out. In a matter of seconds, you were out of your seat and bustling around in the dark; your fear making you move quickly. 

Down the hall, the 8th door on the left: Taeyong’s office. Yet you would never know that you never actually made it out of the dining room. You were going around in circles. 

You could hear screams and shots coming from the kitchen. Your breathing became ragged and everything was running on adrenaline. Your mouth and chest were paralyzed with fear and the want of surviving the night…but you weren’t sure. For all you knew–it was every man for himself. You were screwed. 

But you were pulled against someone. You started thrashing and fighting but the person put your head in their chest and you knew it was Taeyong. You couldn’t help but let some tears seep onto his t-shirt as he quietly and efficiently pulled you from the room. Screams for help still echoed and you squeezed your eyes shut and put your hands over your ears. 

Taeyong brought you to the garage where he threw you in the backseat and got in the front. He hit the gas and got the hell out of there. Some cars chased you guys for a little bit, but he made sure to cover his trails correctly. 

You still sat in the back in a position that made you look vulnerable and weak. The screams of the workers were still in your mind as he twisted and turned on never ending roads. 

You felt a calloused yet welcoming and warm hand sit on your leg. You looked up to see Taeyong. He would look at you from his rearview mirror and switch from you to the roads. 

“Are you okay?” He asked and you could only shrug. “I wouldn’t have let anything happen to you…” He said and you both made eye contact through the mirror. 

“I wouldn’t know what to do with myself afterward.” 

MOON TAEIL 

You and he had been trying to make this go as smoothly as possible. You would be with each other for a while…so why hate each other during that time? 

You both respected each other and learned to live civilly. Both of you were basically the bestest friends now. So you both had been on dates and you were quickly going mad for him…and he was going mad for you too. The way he was never afraid to smile and be so loving. He walked in and immediately made it feel warm and shiny.

It had been thundering and usually, you wouldn’t care…it was a thunderstorm – big whoop. Yet, the power shut off…and so did the heat. It was already 11 the last time you checked and the room became dark and clustered. Your mind made images out of things that weren’t there in the first place. It was nerve-racking and stressful for it being so late at night. 

You tried closing your eyes and drifting into dreamland but nothing was happening. The covers still weren’t providing warmth so you turned for your hoodie and it still changed nothing. You became grumpy and sleepy but most importantly…COLD. “This is so annoying.” You groaned and stood up, throwing your slippers on. 

It felt like it had been 5 minutes, but you would later find out it had been a whole hour of you shivering in the cold. You were already throwing in the towel and was going to find somewhere else to sleep: under the rug, in the curtains, in the coat closet…somewhere.

You made it right out your door and was in front of Taeil’s. You were still highly considering the coat closet. Yet, your hand came up to knock the hard wood. Your heart began to race as you heard some groans and shuffling towards the door.  Your heart completely stopped when the door opened to a tired Taeil that was in a t-shirt and sweatpants. 

“Yeah?” He asked and you couldn’t form words correctly. How was he so handsome this early in the morning?! What magic was this?!

“Uh…the uh- power-” “Why is it so cold?” He yawned and stretched. “Well the uh-” “Come on I’m tired and cold. You look warm.” He said grabbing you and pulling you into his room.

You had no time to protest or even think before he picked you up and threw you on his bed. He literally rolled over you and put all the sheets on both of you. “o-okay.” You mumbled as he wrapped his arms around you and leveled his breathing out. 

“…it was cold…” He mumbled and you chuckled for a moment. “Yeah…” you agreed while nodding. He brought you even closer if that was even possible. “But it’s warmer since you’re here.” he said and your heart started beating rapidly. He didn’t want you to know that his heart was going even faster though. 

You yawned and rubbed your eye. “Go to sleep…we can make breakfast later…” he reasoned and you nodded. You did something risky and put your head on his chest. He prayed to a higher being that you couldn’t hear his fast-paced heart. 

He sat there for the next half hour just looking at you and falling more in love with you than you could ever fall in love with him…and he never wanted this feeling to end.

SEO JOHNNY

You both were slow but becoming very close. You guys know that you both could never truly love each other knowing all of it was forced…but your heart didn’t know that. You were slowly going insane over it too.

Both of you were out and hanging around with each other and just at the local cafe. It was an ambient place and you were hoping you could talk to him about how you’ve been feeling lately. Yet you already knew he didn’t feel the same. From the way he looked at other girls to the way he looked at you: you were positive it was never meant t be. But being forced into marriage by your parents after the company went under – you just hoped that there would be at least a little spark. A little something that made you hope you wouldn’t live the rest of your life as a side piece.

You both sat there, talking about domestic things. Sipping your coffee, you wish it would drown the feelings in your mind and chest…but to no avail you still sat there – the thoughts drowning you.

“Hey, Johnny?” You asked and he looked to you, pushing his glasses up. “Yeah y/n?” He asked checking his phone but you still carried on. “I have had something to get off my chest.” You sighed and put your almost empty cup down again.

“I think I really li-” “Wait…before you carry on.” He said interrupting your confession. He looked to the cashier station where a girl was counting single dollars.

“Do you think you could go give her my number?” He asked as he looked to you with desperate eyes. “Uh…huh?” You shook your head to try and wake yourself up and hear better. “Like…go give her my number and tell her to call me?” He said looking like a child who wanted a new toy.

He was asking his legal wife…to go and help him get a date??

Your heart felt as if it shriveled up and was thrown into the pit of your stomach. “Oh…yeah…sure.” You said and he slipped you a napkin. He kicked your foot to get you to hurry up. You took your phone and purse, walking over to the cashier.

She looked up at the last minute and smiled. “Can I help you?” She asked and you put the napkin down. “My friend over there wanted to give you his number.” You said bitterly yet with a plastered on a smile.

You wanted the smile to squint your eyes to hide the hurt and welling tears. “Really?” She jumped a little and you nodded, sliding her the napkin.

“I wish you luck.” You said and turned around towards the door. “Oh…y/n?” You heard Johnny call but you kept walking as you blocked out his perfect stupid voice. You walked out and down the street in the opposite direction as the tears traveled down your face.

It was the undelivered truth that you truly loved him…but it didn’t have to be delivered that he did not love you back.

NAKAMOTO YUTA

He just didn’t want the rest of the life hating someone…so he liked you…eventually. 

It definitely took him getting used to having someone sit across from him every morning. Naturally, he wasn’t a morning person…but you were. He never wondered why someone was so happy for sleep to come to an end. Sleep was beautiful…and you loved being out of it. 

He woke up and walked out of his bedroom. He walked past yours and saw you were already out of the messy bed. He sighed and realized he would have to meet your happiness sometime today…eventually. 

He walked into you making breakfast for the both of you. “Look who’s up early…again.” He mumbled the last part. “Yep! I’m making eggs and sausage.” You smiled and rolled the sausage. “…fun…” he said as he grabbed an apple and sat down at a high sitting chair next to the counter. He looked over your work as he munched on the apple. 

His nice black t-shirt contrasted against his messed up bed-head. You hummed a tune and he wanted to vomit at your cheery side. “Why are you so happy every morning?” He asked and you smiled a little more as you grabbed plates. “Because everything is waking up.” You said and he just cocked an eyebrow. 

“And it’s time to make new memories. New day…new experiences to experience.” You hummed as you plated his food. He just looked onto you, your movements and actions becoming calming for him to observe. “And besides…you never know how long you have left. Live every moment like the last.” You offered the plate to him. He grabbed it with one hand. “Time is meaningless.” He said as he took the plate to his seat. You sighed and sat down across from him with your own food. 

The smile now faded and the want to just get through the day set in. Yuta noticed the silence and became hesitant. “You…being happy all the time…makes me happy…” He said and you couldn’t hide the little smile. 

“I’m happy you’re happy…and it puts me in a better mood.” He rolled his eyes at his confession and you smiled more. “Thank you, Yuta.” You said and took a bite of your eggs. 

He smiled a little and saw his outlook on the day rise when he saw your shy smile. It was warming and comforting. His heart twinged and he could feel a spark in his cheeks…maybe waking up to your smile every morning wouldn’t be as bad as he first thought. 

KIM DOYOUNG

He didn’t want to have to deal with another person’s affection. He didn’t want to care for another person’s life when he couldn’t take care of his own sometimes. It was all a hassle. But you didn’t see it like that. 

You loved looking out for him and making sure he was comfortable and had anything he wanted. It was a hard journey for your heart to go through the couple weeks after the wedding. More nights he would spend in his office and not in the house that was supposed to feel like a home. 

You guys would do things that a normal ‘couple’ would do…just without the affection…and love. 

Both of you guys were out for drinks at the local bar. He had been stressed at work lately and just wanted him to open up to you about it. He didn’t like opening up to people, but for some reason, he found it easier with you. He swigged down the dark liquid and asked for a refill. “But the deadline is coming up and I just don’t think Taeyong is appreciating how hard I have been working.” He said and you nodded, laying a comforting hand on his forearm. “Well, then I think you should tell him to lay off a little and tell him you understand why he’s getting frustrated. But also, you’re the only person doing the work he needs done.” You said and the look in his eyes looked a little happier than when you guys first walked in. 

“Thanks, y/n.” He pinched your cheek lightly. “No problem.” You smiled and finally retracted your hand from his arm. 

“Wanna go walk around for a little bit before going back to the house?” He asked and you certainly obliged to the thought of a nice walk. He paid for both of your guys’ drinks and you guys walked out into the street. You guys began walking towards the park at the end of the road. 

Yet the little things he did made your heart swell…and the free air clogged up your throat as you walked. 

You were walking close to the curb, but you almost choked when you felt his hand on your lower back. He guided you into the middle of the sidewalk so he was where you once stood. “All the idiot drivers are out right now.” He excused his actions and you nodded; understanding his reasoning and purpose. 

You both continued walking and making the journey towards the park. The walk lead you guys past some crappy and shady bars though. The type of bars that had the stereotypical thugs sitting outside and whistling at anything with 2 legs. 

You had passed a couple already and the comments were just getting worse as the sun continued to go down. The familiar smell of weed hit your nostrils and knew another bar was coming up. “Here. It’s getting cold.” He said stopping for a moment and slipping his jacket off. He just laid it across your shoulders so it covered your upper body. Your face heated up as the smell of weed was replaced with his cologne. 

You guys walked past the bar, and the comments were the worst of the night. You felt Doyoung’s arm slip around your back and onto your waist. His strong pull carried you into his side. The look coming from Doyoung’s eyes could make demons cry…but it showed you he cared. 

He didn’t want people looking at something that was his…he hated to admit that…but you were his and no one else’s. 

(I’m such a hoe for this bunny boy I am so sorry)

JUNG JAEHYUN 

He was in paradise from the day since the wedding. He always wanted to be a husband and then a father…and half of his dream was already accomplished. You were all for being a wife and carrying the usual duties. 

You both fell for each other at least 3 days after the ceremony. He loved doing such domestic things such as: cooking you breakfast, having lazy days and watching Disney movies in bed till 1 pm, baking with you, helping you cook dinner after a long day of training, go out for late night strolls and overall being affectionate with one person.

He realized at the same time that you did that this was forever. So why not put all of his affection into you? You wouldn’t be going away any time soon; you returned his affection. 

He was the stereotypical dream husband and you were in love. Would make your coffee, attempt to do your hair, giggle with you during late night conversations, stare at you and when asked why he would give the excuse of you being too beautiful. 

It was early in the morning and it had been a long night of waiting up for him. He had been on a mission and you were prepared with food and a drink upon his return. 2 am hit and he trudged in with a long and exasperated sigh. You pointed at him from your spot on the couch. “Don’t get blood on my carpet!” You said and he chuckled. “Yes Dear~~” He sang as he sat down on the bench and release hit feet from the combat boots he wore regularly (regular huh). You went over as he popped his back and you cringed at the sound. “Ouch.” You said and he chuckled, grabbing you and pulling you in front of him. “Tell me about it.” He said and just rested his head on your stomach. 

Your hands ran through his hair and over the stress lines on his forehead. “You tired?” You asked and he nodded. His arms came up and held onto your body – his usual spot to hold you while sleeping. 

“Why don’t you go take a shower, eat, and then we can go to sleep and I can rub your back.” You offered and he nodded tiredly. He sighed as he stood up and towered over you (this man is a whole ass 6′0″ PROBABLY closer to 6′1″…he a tree). “Also throw your clothes out before hopping in so I can throw them in the washing machine.” You called as you walked to the kitchen to heat up his food. “Yes, honey ~~” He called and the door shut as your heart raced a little faster. 

~~~~~~~~

You guys just laid there and listened to each other’s breathing. Your hand ran over his back; rubbing at knots littering around his toned back. “You’re so warm.” You called feeling his forehead. “No. You’re just too cold.” He said and brought you into a bear-like embrace. 

“Now shush. Go to sleep.” He said as he released his grip only a little bit. “…and thank you for dinner…it was amazing…”

DONG SICHENG (WINWIN)

He liked to be controlling everything in his branch. He was open to the idea of marriage but was always afraid to lose his other half; to his work, to emotions…to falling out of love with him. 

So when you two wed each other, it was okay in the beginning. He never thought you would stick by him for as long as you have. You thought he was charming and wondered why he wasn’t loved by everyone. He was so loveable and so well put together to not love him. His mannerisms, sense of humor, charm, and his protectiveness…he was perfect to you. But you also understood why he distanced himself from you. 

He had left on a business trip for 3 weeks. Building up to his departure, he tried getting closer to you and tried showing his love for you…but it wasn’t working out the way he wanted it to. He was almost for certain that as soon as he left, you would run away from this place and never look back; for he was a monster in his mind and undeserving of love. 

Yet you sat there, counting down the days to his return. Yeah – it was really lonely in his house all alone, but you utilized the time to learn some things. You baked – ALOT. You drew a while. You read a lot of books. You watched movies. You made new food creations to show him when he got back. You cleaned and made the house spotless. It was all perfect for his return where you assumed he would want to unwind and relax. 

You decided what you wanted to make for his first night back home, and decided on some comfort food. 

You were going to surprise him and pretend you weren’t home and then turn on the lights and tackle him into a hug. It was going to be amazing…but you obviously didn’t know he thought you were going to be gone in the first place. 

You had begun getting ready; cooking the food, cleaning up some loose things, getting some beverages ready, and then you heard him buzz into the gate. You shut off all the lights and hid behind the couch next to the front door. 

You were all giddy from excitement as soon as he walked in. You saw how the moonlight streamed in behind him. He looked hopeful when he first walked in…but he just nodded to himself and looked a little sad as he just tossed his keys messily into the key bowl. 

You then turned on the lights and jumped over the couch. “Welcome home!” You yelled and hopped into his arms. He was taken aback for sure. He was shocked and his heart jumped, realizing you had waited for him all this time. 

Your arms wrapped around his shoulders and he automatically held onto you like you were a plushie. He couldn’t help his eyes getting a little wet. You were still here…and you were happy to see him…and he was happy that you were still here and showed you still cared for him. You chuckled a little. “Welcome home.” You said a little quieter so it was a little more intimate moment between both of you. 

He felt a peck on his cheek and just held you tighter. “Happy to be back.” He whispered back and he wanted to stay in this moment forever. “Oooo! I cooked dinner! It’s going to be cold if we don’t hurry up!” You shimmied out of his grip. He slipped off his shoes and took off his heavy jacket; as you dragged him into to kitchen filled to the brim with some of his favorite foods, he couldn’t help the smile staying on his face.

He smiled as you looked at his reaction. “Does it look good?” You asked in anticipation and he nodded. “Looks perfect.”

KIM JUNGWOO

Because of his position…he was just unable to love anyone. He had become severely detached from this cookie-cutter ideality of ‘love’. He wanted love…but was just unable to feel it. He could feel ‘it’ during work…but not emotionally…it was never truly love. 

He knew you were in love and he could do nothing about it. All he could do was sit back and watch as you realized this was never going to work out. It was painful for not only you but him. 

He didn’t want to leave you in the dark…but it’s all he could do. He doesn’t blame you at all … but himself for getting you into this mess when you didn’t deserve it. No one deserved it. 

You and him sat next to each other at a movie. You were hoping you could do something during the movie to elicit a spark of emotion out of him (not like that)…but to no avail…you were left high and dry. 

The movie had been droning on for what seemed like forever and it was getting boring and repetitive now. You fake yawned and leaned your head on his shoulder. You cuddled in closer…and you could feel his breath become quicker. You were now happy…knowing that this could work out if he just let it happen…

But as he looked down at you, he felt pity. He wasn’t in love…he was uncomfortable for you were smooshing his pocket knife into his ribs. One wrong cuddle and boom…trip to the infirmary. 

He couldn’t deny that you were adorable and an amazing person…but he just couldn’t ‘love’ you. So for the rest of the movie while you were lead on y your own fantasies and dreams of the unrequited love finally happening…he sat there hating himself and not knowing what to do anymore. 

It was a lost cause.

WONG YUKHEI (LUCAS)

He was a lover…not fighter. So yes, his ideal wasn’t to get married so young…but he was along for the ride of life. 

He was nervous but once meeting you, all his nervousness and fears perished like fine dust. You thought he was perfect for you and you were perfect for him. 

The ‘honeymoon’ was full of jokes and getting to know each other. But, as soon as you both returned home - it was all business. 

You both decided that instead of taking it slow, take it how every newlywed would. No separate bedrooms, be open with each other, etc. It wasn’t too fast in both of your opinions. It should be normal. 

It was in the middle of the day and you were currently catching up on the news. The door burst open and in came Lucas. “Oh…hi.” You said as you looked at your husband who just stood in the middle of the living room. He stayed silenced and just continued to stare at you. “You good?” You asked and he didn’t answer – continuing the uncomfortable stare. 

After another 30 seconds of silence, he broke the deafening quietness.

“I want a sandwich.” He said as he turned and walked into the kitchen. “…what?!…” You got up and walked after him. You just stood there and watched as your tree of a husband made himself a sandwich. “All the uncomfortable staring for a sandwich?” You asked and he shrugged. “Want one?” He asked and you could only shake your head. 

He cleaned up and sat down at the counter island. He motioned you over and set you down on his lap. “Eat.” He said holding up the sandwich. “No, I’m not hungry.” You laughed but he kept pushing it closer; making himself laugh. 

His arm was wrapped around your body to make sure you wouldn’t fall. “Come on, just one bite.” He smiled at your laughing figure. “No. I said I wasn’t hungry.” You laughed more. “Fine. But I’m still hungry.” He said dropping his sandwich on the plate. 

He grabbed both sides of your face and began laying small and cute kisses all over your giggling face. He loved you and you loved him and you both could never get enough. 

LEE MINHYUNG (MARK)

He didn’t want to get married. He thought it was unneeded and super stupid. He actually tried skipping his own wedding…until Taeyong found him hiding in the back of his car. 

Yet, he was dragged in and forced to do vows. He ended the ceremony with an ‘I do or whatever’ and a fist bumped. People were confused as they clapped and he exited the church before everyone else. 

It was a wild ride at first…but he got used to it. So used to having you that it was weird when he didn’t. You were in love with him…or at least the ‘him’ that everyone talked about. You did everything you could to make him comfortable so he didn’t have to do anything and could live the rest of his life comfortably. 

You cooked him a warm dinner every night and made sure his laundry was done and the bloodstains weren’t stains anymore and that he always had love and affection to have if he ever wanted it. 

But enough was enough. You were done giving him love when he couldn’t even acknowledge your existence sometimes. You printed out the right forms and were going to demand that Taeyong signs and declares the marriage no more. 

It was raining outside and you felt so alone as you walked the distance across the base. Hyuck saw you and asked what was going on. 

You gladly told him and he didn’t waste time in trying to find Mark; for how he really knew how Mark truly felt on your guys’ relationship. 

Hyuck had to deal with Mark gushing about you wearing his hoodie on accident; you getting scolded about you wearing his clothes - “I was just about to wear that! Why are you going into my clothes?! They’re my clothes for a reason!”. Hyuck still hasn’t lived down Mark talking about how good your cupcakes are; while he sits and critiques them to your face - “They’re hella dry. But I’ll just take the rest with me to work to get rid of them. I don’t think anyone will like them though. They don’t have enough icing.” Then hoarded them at work and yelled at anyone who came close to breathing next to them. Hyuck still doesn’t understand how someone can never get tired of talking about your sleeping habits; but he sits there with you and calls them annoying - “I hate when you cuddle me and curl into a ball…it’s so uncomfortable! I barely got sleep last night!”. 

But in reality, Mark wishes he sat there and told you how he truly feels. He loves everything you are and everything you do. 

He even sat there and cried because he thought he was going to lose you. The whole Junior Forces never saw Mark feel so guilty and scared at the same time. 

Hyuck ran as fast as he could to the training center. “M-mark. Y-y/n.” He breathed heavily, pointing outside the window to where he had just been. Mark was busy talking to Johnny and Jaehyun about a class when the younger rushed in. 

“What? Is she okay?” Mark asked, still sitting. “Going to Tae. Divorce papers…crying.” He choked out, trying to calm his wheezing. Mark dropped his phone, everyone ‘ooo’ing’ as they now saw his absolutely destroyed screen. “Where is she?” Mark asked as he ran down the steps. “1 block, right.” Haechan said as he sat down on the dirty ground – catching his breath. “Wow. I need to get in shape.”

Mark’s heart started racing as he saw your silhouette walking into the base headquarters. You never even looked back as he screamed your name. He pumped his legs even faster as the door closed behind you. 

He made it to the door, a panic attack ready to break down his body once again. “No no no no no.” he hummed as he pushed interns and trainees to get to Taeyong’s office and stop you before it’s too late. 

He turned the corner and saw you walk in. “Y/N!!!” He bellowed and you jumped. You looked at him and rolled your eyes, closing the door fully. 

He raced to the door and kicked it open; your body already sitting down and Taeyong shocked at the whole outburst. 

“No. We…we are NOT getting a d-divorce.” Mark clarified, running a hand through his hair that was matted to his forehead. “Mark.” You breathed and Taeyong still sat there shocked.

“No. Just please give me time to explain.” He said, some tears slipping down his face. His chest started heaving in and out. “Please.” He choked out, grabbing at the sides of his head. 

“Hey, calm down.” You said walking over and wrapping your arms around his waist. His hands shook like a bartenders glass and his chest was on fire. 

“Plea-…” He began. “Take him home y/n.” Taeyong called softly. You obliged and lead Mark out of the office and down the hall. You guided Mark all the way past the dorms and towards the apartments. 

His body still shook as tears streamed down his face. 

Once he was inside, the first thing to do was calm him down. You set him on the couch as his hands rubbed painfully over his jean-clad knees. You went to his closet and pulled out a t-shirt and sweatpants. 

You gave it to him and went to the kitchen to make him something to calm down; returning to him fully changed with a look of pain and helplessness on his face. 

You sat next to him and put your hand on his that laid on his thigh. “Now what’s going on?” You asked and he hiccuped, eyes welling with tears. 

“Please…please don’t leave me.” He said and you just stared at him, remembering the documents. “…Mark-” you sighed, looking into your own lap. 

“No. Just let me explain myself.” he hopped off to the couch quickly. He stood in front of you and started getting emotional again. “I…” He began but needed to take a second to compose himself. “I know…I am not the best husband. In fact, I’m probably the worst. “ He said and you tuned directly to his speech. 

“I am an asshole to you every day. When in reality, you are one of the best things to happen to me.” He confessed. Your heart began to swell. “And I love your cupcakes.” He said and you giggled a little bit. The tears kept pouring down his face though. 

“And I love when you curl up next to me because you look so cute and pure and I don’t deserve you.” He cried. “And I love when you wear my clothes. You look amazing and like a goddess and I love your cooking and your caring nature. I love everything you do.” He began babbling. 

You went over and just hugged him. “and…I love you.” He finally confessed and you held him tighter. You broke away and went back to the counter and grabbed the papers. You went to the front door and Mark thought that was it…you were gone.

Yet you returned with a lighter and a trash can. You burned the divorce papers and saw his eyes light up even brighter than the flames. 

He stepped aside from the burning trash and grabbed you. He kissed you for the first time and it was the most thrilling thing ever. 

Nothing would go completely smooth right after this…you guys have to work on a lot of things. But now, at least you know he cares and he cared from a while ago. 

LEE DONGHYUCK (Haechan):

He could sense the way you became closer to him…and he couldn’t push you away. It was awkward already when you both stood in your respective doorframes; both deciding to exit the room for breakfast at the same time. Both staring at each other to see who would walk towards the kitchen first. 

Of course, Hyuck would let you walk first as he closed his door again and slid down it so you wouldn’t see him freak out and grip his fists in frustration. 

But you walked to the kitchen, wanting him to come down and just have a normal breakfast like a ‘wife’ and ‘husband’ should…but it doesn’t look like that was gonna happen anytime soon. Even if the world was going to end tomorrow; you were almost positive that he would up and leave to spend it alone…and it was sad but it was true. 

You skipped around the kitchen in the way of the kitchen staff. “Is master Haechan coming down for breakfast?” An older woman asked as she stirred something in a large pot. 

You seemed it silly how they called him by his alias in the comfort of his home…and the whole ‘master’ aspect. Even he has said how much he hated it.

You smiled and grabbed an apple. “Hopefully. He has been working all morning.” You smiled and began walking out after giving an excuse for the absent house ruler. He was treated like royalty and looked after by all the staff and probably could lay bedridden all day if he truly wanted.

You turned the corner and automatically ran into a bigger body. Hands came out to your arms and steadied you. You were face to face with your ‘husband’ and it was crazy. You haven’t been this close since the wedding. It was all surreal. 

“You okay?” He asked and all you could do was a nod in response to his questions. “Sorry.” You muttered and tried to slip around him. The tinge in your cheeks was burning all through your nose and face. His arm quickly came out and stopped you from moving any further. 

“Y/N…” He trailed off and you could only hum in acknowledgment. “Just…” He began and got caught up in his own words. You looked up into his light and forgiving eyes that were mesmerizing to look at; making your knees week whenever you caught a glimpse of them.

“Just be ready by 8.” He said and walked the rest of the way into the kitchen – leaving you flustered and confused. 

You were falling for him…and he wasn’t for you…but he sure as hell was going to make this marriage work. 

[sylvesterlestermanchester]

Love is the Fulfilling of the Law

Summary: Dan’s happy in his relationship with Phil. If only everything else could start to fall into place, that’d be great.

Word Count: 5,700

Genre: Humor, fluff, angst. Isn’t that life?

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of homophobia, allusions to conversion therapy.

A/N: This won’t make much sense unless you read the first fic in the Fearfully and Wonderfully verse, Fearfully and Wonderfully! (I was really creative with that title huh.) Also, ty for all the love on the past two fics! I don’t have much free time to write these, so I appreciate a few people actually saw it lol.

Dear God. 

Hey, God, it’s me.

Our father, who art in heaven...

Wait, am I supposed to pray to God? Or Jesus?

Dan let out a quiet groan, burying his face in his hands. It was way too early in the morning to be thinking, let alone trying to connect with a higher power. 

Why couldn’t Dan pray like Phil did?

Yeah, Dan could’ve asked his boyfriend for help with this. His boyfriend, literally the most religious person Dan had ever met. His boyfriend, who had plans for seminary. His boyfriend, who...his boyfriend…

A sleepy grin spread across his face as he pushed all other thoughts out of his mind and snuggled up closer in his boyfriend’s arms, their bodies squeezed together on the tiny twin mattress that barely fit just one of their lanky bodies. In the month that they had been dating since coming back from the retreat, Dan still wasn't tired of calling Phil his boyfriend-when nobody was around, of course.

“Boyfriend…” Dan sang quietly as he moved to play with Phil’s shaggy hair, biting back a laugh as he received a quiet snore in response. “Oi, boyfriend.”

“Shush your hush.” He hears back after a moment, voice low and tired, but still fond. “Shush your hush?”

“Mmm.” “Wow, quite eloquent. Shush your hush. I’ll write it down for later, so you can-”

“Shush!” Phil suddenly rolled on top of Dan, pressing a sloppy, wet kiss to his cheek.

“Wha-Phil, guh-ross!”

“It’s what you get.” Phil laughed, nuzzling his nose into Dan’s hair.

The sleepy cuddles only last a bit longer before they force themselves out of bed, getting ready for class. It’s only when Dan tugs on a new shirt and catches a glimpse of Phil kneeling beside the bed and looking up at the ceiling that he remembers why he woke up early to pray-or at least try to. 

Phil looks...peaceful. Transcended, almost, from their cozy but cluttered dorm room. Part of Dan winces for his knees, but part of Dan is jealous. This is something so deep, so meaningful to him, and it’s something Dan feels this need to share with him. 

How could he be with Phil if he can’t even share the most important thing in his life with him? He’s pulled out of his thoughts this time by Phil’s soft giggle. “Are you watching me?” He asks softly, pushing himself to his feet and moving over to wrap his arms around Dan’s waist. 

“W-What? No. Just zoned out. I need coffee.” He whined, running a hand through Phil’s hair and pushing it back lightly.

“You were creeping on me, creeper.” Phil giggled and tickled Dan’s side lightly, watching as he squirmed.

Before Dan can argue back, Phil leans closer and presses a lazy kiss to his lips. One month in, his knees still weaken as he feels his boyfriend’s soft lips on his. 

“C’mon, we should get going.” “We could just kiss the day away.” Dan murmurs. “We could. But I could also buy you coffee and we can try to focus on these midterms you guys keep warning me about.” Dan grumbled and pressed a quick peck to his lips before pulling away reluctantly. He was dreading the mid-semester exams that were coming up just a couple weeks from now, and he knew Phil wouldn’t be prepared at all, considering he hadn’t even known they were a thing until last week. 

Once they gather their things and share a final kiss (okay, three) they both pull away, Phil smoothing his shirt down and Dan fixing his hair before they step out into the hall.

Phil trails behind-close, but not too close. Far enough away that they look like just roommates. Close enough that it keeps Dan from reaching back and tugging him into his arms, just wanting to envelop himself in Phil.

It’s when they’re walking that Dan sees the glint of the silver cross necklace bouncing against Phil’s chest, and his eyes trail from that up to the clouds in the sky, finally getting as close to a prayer as he figures he’s going to get.

Hey, God. Speak to me, yeah? If for nobody else, for Phil. 

-

“Okay, I’ve done the math-we can do this! With a week left before everyone’s first exam, we just need to keep up the studying, and-and maybe sleep, like, three hours less a night each.” Phil rambled, hands shaking from the abundance of caffeine rushing through his veins. He looks up from his calculator before looking at Louise and Dan across the booth, a nervous smile on his face as he tries desperately to cheer up his sullen friends. “Y’know, three hours isn’t even that much, especially if we work really hard and study non-stop. These tests should be easy then, right?” PJ chuckled dryly, rubbing his temples slowly. “You sound insane. You really never had to take tests in your little homeschool world up North?” He asked, pawing through the mountain of books in front of them. The fun “study session” that Phil had suggested had devolved into madness once the sugary coffee drinks had gone through their system, and Phil was desperately trying to scrape it back together.. “Well, not really. Once a year, we did this one just to prove we were actually learning. And then I took that weird G-C-E test or whatever, but I didn’t even take that seriously, because I barely knew what it was. But I must’ve done okay, because I ended up here, right?”

Louise stared at him before groaning. “Only you could half-ass the GCSEs and manage to score high enough to get a fucking huge scholarship.” Louise rolled her eyes playfully as she reached out and ruffled his hair. “The rest of us are doomed. Hey, Speaking of the North, why didn’t Chris show up, again?”

Phil giggled a bit as PJ shrugged, slurping his Frappuccino. “Just said he couldn’t make it, that’s all.” “He’s been ‘busy’ a lot lately.” Louise rolled her eyes gently. “He’s gonna bomb if he just stops studying.”

“What is he even doing?” PJ raised his eyebrows. “Seriously, I’m getting concerned-”

 “Less gossip, more studying, c’mon!” Phil interrupted suddenly, shaking his head quickly.

Louise and PJ rolled their eyes but reluctantly grabbed their pens, but Dan is too focused on Phil’s slightly trembling hands thumbing through his textbook. His nearly-neurotic obsession with studying wasn’t anything new-Phil had been studying a lot lately, breaking both the coffee and all-nighter limit they had set earlier that semester. 

Dan...well, he wasn’t exactly doing the same.

Pre-law was boring as fuck. Dan could feel his soul dying every time he went to a seminar. He couldn’t stand anyone else in his major. His eyes glossed over if he read case studies for more than 15 minutes, and if it came between studying and, well, literally anything else, he would gladly take anything else. 

Especially when that anything else was kissing Phil. 

Kissing Phil sounded really good right now. If their friends hadn’t been around, he’s sure he would’ve dragged Phil out of here by now and to one of the dozens of hidden corners of their campus for a good secret-kissing session. In fact, he’s tempted to make up some excuse and pull Phil away now when Louise nudges him. 

“Earth to Dan? Dan, aren’t you slipping in this class? C’mon, stop zoning out and get to work.” “You’re slipping?” Phil frowns, head jerking up. “Oh, Dan, why didn’t you say anything? You know I would’ve helped you study.” Dan groans under his breath. “Okay, okay. I’ll do it. I can’t help that it’s just so incredibly dull and stupid and-” PJ rolled his eyes. “We get it, you hate it. Less bitching, more studying, all of us.” Dan ducks his head down and begrudgingly starts to read along with the rest of them. He doesn’t miss the way Phil’s eyes glance over at him, offering him a sympathetic smile. If he had to, he would. If only just so he could trudge through it and get to the other side already. 

After a moment of debating, he glances up at the ceiling. God, if you’re there-let me get through this?

-

“Remand.” “I want to re-mand you that you’re my boyfriend, not my tutor.” Dan flashed Phil a grin, wiggling his eyebrows.

His grin wavered a bit as Phil shook his head, biting his bottom lip and giving him a stern look.

“Remand.” He repeated firmly, and Dan sighed.

“Um...the case in the court below it was incorrect?”

Phil shook his head. “Close, it’s actually-” He gets cut off by a dramatic groan from Dan, only muffled as Dan buried his face in their mattress. “Dan, I know you had your English exam today, but this law test is in two days. You need to-”

“Give me another one.” He snaps, and Phil sighs.

“Preemption.”

“That’s not a word.” “Dan, yes it is.” Phil says, voice softening as he reaches out and rubs Dan’s back. “Head up. What does it mean?” “Wait....is it when two courts, can-can...they can hear the same case at the same time?” Dan asks hopefully, looking at Phil, who’s grimacing.

“Not-Not exactly.” Before Dan can start up again, he quickly jumps in. “Let’s try an easy one-Plaintiff.” “Who even cares?” Dan snapped, kicking his feet childishly. He’s being annoying, he knows. He knows it’s late, and Phil has his own studying to do, and that he’s just trying to help. But Phil’s been on him since their study session last week when Louise let it slip that Dan wasn’t doing well in this class.

“I care, Dan.” Phil sighed, looking down and speaking quietly. “I-I just want you to do well. I’m praying for you and everything, but you gotta put some work in as well.” That shuts Dan up. 

“You’re praying for me?” He asked quietly. “I mean, I pray about you all the time.” Phil lays back down and gently pulls Dan with him. “But yeah, I’m praying for you. You just-you don’t seem happy with what you’re studying, and I just want you to be happy and successful. So I’m praying you find that.”

Dan pauses, not sure how to react. He doesn’t have a chance to when Phil gently adds “Even if...even if that means not doing law.” At that, Dan turns to look at Phil. “Don’t say that.”

“Seriously, Dan, if you want to study something else-” “Phil, drop it. I mean it.” “Fine, fine.” Phil pulls away, rolling off the bed and padding over to his desk. “You take a break, I’ll study on my own.” Dan curls up slightly into himself, his stomach turning. Phil sounded...defeated, almost. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or maybe Phil was more stressed than he was letting on. And Dan was only adding to it, oh God, what a fuck-up he was- “Pray with me?” Dan blurts out suddenly. 

Phil freezes mid-highlight before turning to Dan, eyebrows furrowed.

“You just...you look so calm when you do. It’s worth a shot, right?” Dan says, but it’s a weak lie. He doesn’t just want the calm Phil has. He wants that relationship with a God, that spiritual awareness. He wants to feel close to Phil in the way that seems to keep them apart, moreso even than the physical distance that they keep when out in public.

After a moment Phil’s expression softens and he gives Dan the kind smile that always makes him melt. Before Dan knows it he’s back on their bed, pulling Dan close. “Why don’t we do the Daily Examen?” “More exams?” Dan raised an eyebrow, smiling as Phil giggled.

“Examen. It’s a guided prayer. It helps me when I’m all over the place and can’t think as clearly.” 

Dan nods a bit, taking Phil’s hands and watching as his eyes fall shut. “Dear God...we’re now entering a space where you’re with us.” Dan watches as Phil takes a deep breath before realizing he should probably close his eyes, too.

Phil starts them by listing their gratitudes (coffee, a kind professor who let Dan finish the last bit of his essay despite being over the time limit, a sunny day), focusing on emotions (Dan’s a bit surprised with how empathetically Phil agrees with Dan’s overwhelment), picking one area to pray (peace), and then their hopes for the next day (just to get through it). 

As he leads Dan, Phil gets that serene smile on his face, and Dan opens one eye slightly to watch him. He wants what Phil has, really. But he can’t shake the feeling that, well, they’re just talking to someone who isn’t there. 

When Phil opens his eyes, he gives Dan a slightly hopeful look. “Better?”

“I feel...calmer,” Dan says, and it’s true. He feels a bit better, but he’s not sure that it’s as much because of the prayer or because of Phil’s soft, guiding voice. 

“Good. Now, let’s forget about vocab, yeah? We can study more tomorrow. Let’s get some rest.” He presses a gentle kiss to Dan’s forehead, and suddenly Dan feels the guilt build up further. He wants to feel this sense of closeness, and he’s pretty sure by the relaxed grin on Phil’s face he wants it as well.

“Night, love.” Dan whispers, watching as Phil snuggled up close before drifting off. With a sigh, Dan looks up at the ceiling.

Okay, God, I had Phil with me this time. He thinks, furrowing his eyebrows a bit. And you still can’t talk to me? Give me a break here, yeah?

-

Dan and Lou stand in the cold a couple days later when they're outside the church for study group, waiting for Phil.

PJ had to cram right before an art exam, which seemed like an oxymoron to Dan, but he couldn’t be envious of how cool that sounded. They both had tests-Phil a math exam that he was surprisingly confident about, and Dan’s law exam, which, well…

“How’d it go?” Phil asked cheerfully as he jogs up to them both, and despite the heavy feeling in Dan’s chest as he flashes back to the test-he had barely finished in time, and he knew that a lot of guessing was involved.

“It’s law. But, um, you know. Decent.” Dan lies with a small shrug. Louise quirks her eyebrow subtle, a trait that Phil doesn’t seem to pick up on as Dan asks about his exam and smiling as Phil lights up.

“Good! I know I nailed the extra credit. I’m exhausted, but-” “Chris? Hey, I thought you said you weren’t going to come!” Louise says as Chris walks over. It’s only then that Dan realizes he hasn’t seen him for more than a passing wave in the halls for about two weeks now. 

All their study sessions, and group de-stresses, and snack runs, Chris hadn’t been there. But here he is, Bible in hand and with a weird grin on his face.

“You know me!” He says, sounding just a bit too cheerful. “Unpredictable Chris. Let’s get inside, yeah?”

Phil watches as he makes his way through the chapel. “Oh-yeah, that sounds good. How is everything, by the way? It seems you’ve gone MIA-”

Chris waves him off. “I’m here now, Phil, c’mon. I need some snacks.”

They head down the stairs and make their way to sit in their regular seats, Phil and Dan exchanging quick glances. After a few minutes, they begin-brief introductions, a few announcements, and finally the starting prayer.

Before Caroline can direct them to a verse to study for the day, Chris butts in. “Can I ask a question?” 

Both Phil and Caroline smile widely and nod, and Chris flips open his Bible.

“I was reading some 1 Samuel, about David and Jonathan.” He starts, gripping the book tightly in his hands. He taps a bit of a highlighted text, raising his eyebrows. “And they talk about how “David loved Jonathan more than women,'', and how, and I quote, ‘the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David’. I mean...they were gay, weren’t they?”

The group seems a little taken aback by Chris’ bluntness, and Dan doesn’t need to look over to sense Phil shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

Caroline jumps in quickly. “I-I mean, people have interpreted it that way, yes. But they could have just had a deep, brotherly bond-”

Chris’ snort cuts her off. “I dunno, it seems pretty gay to me. I mean, they literally start smooching it up.”

“I think that they were gay, actually.” A girl across the room says with a shrug. “I mean, there had to be gay people back then. And Chris is right. They seem to act pretty romantically.” “You really think so?” A guy furrows his eyebrows. “I never read it like that. Judas kisses Jesus, but they weren’t gay.” “Yeah, well, I guess that’s not exactly the point. Here’s my question. How can you guys read and live by this book, but even though you claim that God is all-loving, some of you guys hate gay people?” The group falls silent, but that seems to only spur Chris on further. 

“Seriously. You guys talk so much about loving God, and God loving us, and loving brothers and sisters, but what if somebody in here was a guy, who happened to love guys? Like…” Dan holds his breath, eyes wide as he stares at Chris. 

“Like me?” He continues. Dan blinks a few times, looking equally as stunned as everyone else as his eyes dart around the room.

“Well-we want to be tolerant of everyone in here, so let’s start off with that.” Caroline jumps in again, but Chris shakes his head and barks out a laugh that doesn’t sound funny at all.

“I don’t want to be fucking tolerated, I want to be respected, and loved, and cared about-not just in spite of my sexuality, but because of my identity.” 

Chris stands to his feet, gritting his teeth as he slams the Bible shut and starts pacing around the circle. “It really, really fucking hurts when people don’t respect that. It hurts when I have to hear from my friends-” With that he whirls around, walking over to Phil suddenly. 

“Chris…” Phil whispers, sinking down in his seat somewhat as he looks up at him.

Chris stops in front of him, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring down at him. “When my friends talk so much about loving one another, but I’m not sure that they would love me if I was authentic with him.”

Phil sucks in a deep breath, slowly standing up. “Chris.” He says, voice shaking. “Chris, I promise I had no idea.” 

“Yeah, well, forgive me for being nervous.” Chris snaps. “I mean, you-Phil!”

Chris lets out a small yelp as Phil suddenly tackles him in a tight, desperate hug. The entire group is watching their every movement. Dan feels like his heart is going to explode. Finally, Phil pulls away, still holding both of Chris’s hands in his.

“Chris, if I haven’t shown you that I love you dearly as one of my greatest friends, I have f-failed you. As a friend. As a man. And as a follower of Christ.”

“You haven’t failed-” Chris laughed shakily, trying to hide the fact that his eyes were welling up, but then he looks shocked as a small sob erupts from Phil.

“I love you s-so dearly, Chris.” He says, quickly trying to control himself. “ ‘If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?’ “

“Chris, I-I know what love is because of the undying love of you as my brother. Through that I know God, and I know that God loves you so, so much. E-Even if you don’t believe, nobody ever-and I mean ever-should use him against you or your sexuality.” 

Chris is full-on sobbing now, and Phil pulls him to his chest, rubbing his back.

“If you’re gay, or bi, or-or whatever, I love you, and I love you b-because of it. I never want anyone to f-feel hated for that.” Phil pulled away after a moment before turning to the group. “And-And if you call yourself a servant of Christ, and you want to perpetrate this hate, or intolerance, I-I’d ask you to question why seeing someone-someone like Chris love another person with a pure heart makes you s-so uncomfortable.” Phil hugs him again as Chris’s shoulders shake and he balls up Phil’s shirt in his hands, mumbling “Thank you, thank you, thank you...”

After what seems like an hour, Caroline speaks quietly. “I think you both brought up some great points. Why don’t we wrap up early today, and-and we can try to pick this up next time, okay?” The group stays silent as Caroline leads them in their closing prayer, Chris’s quiet sobs the only noise besides her soft voice. People stand, a few shuffling over to give Chris hugs and murmur in his ear. “I think I’m gonna go for a walk with him. Y’know, help calm him down.” Phil murmured to Dan when he got a moment away. “Clearly a tough time, yeah?” “Yeah, yeah, of course.” Dan nods quickly, still a bit shell-shocked from the sudden outpouring of emotion. “Are you gonna-” He glanced between the two of them, and Phil bit his lip.

“I don’t think this is the best time to tell him about, um...that. It’s about him right now, me.” He said, glancing back at Chris nervously. “I just want to give him time to decompress. But we’ll grab dinner later, yeah?” 

Before Dan can answer Phil is back over with Chris, a supportive hand on his shoulder as he leads him out. The next thing he knows, he’s alone in the small room, and he takes a few deep breaths before looking up at the ceiling.

Why do you have to make this so hard, God?

-

It’s just about eight-thirty when Dan’s phone buzzes.

We had a long talk-tho i guess u guessed! Lol! 0_o U want 2 meet @ snake path? -Phil! 

Dan couldn’t help but grin in spite of the heaviness he had been feeling for the past several hours, practically jumping off the bed. 

Omw in five. 

Snake Path was Phil’s name for this little curvy path near the edge of campus, totally obscured by trees. The two had shared plenty of kisses and mini dates there, hiding out from the world when it all got to be too much. Some time with Phil sounded perfect-time where he didn’t have to think about God, or Chris, or coming out, or God forbid the fucking bombed law exam.

Dan can practically feel the sadness dissipating as he makes his way down, pulling his jacket tighter with a happy hum under his breath. Once he sees Phil, he picks up speed, laughing a bit as Phil gives him a small wave.

“Why didn’t you ask me to bring you a jacket?” Dan whined, wrapping his arms around Phil tightly. “You must be freezing!” “Well, good thing I’ve got you to warm me up.” Phil grinned and sat down, pulling Dan into a kiss as soon as he was sat down as well.

Dan giggled and started to speak, but Phil was kissing him again, hands moving to gently hold his hips.

“I missed you.” He murmured against his lips. “I know it’s stupid, but we haven’t had enough time to ourselves lately.”

“I missed you, too.” Dan sighs, wiggling slightly under Phil’s hold as he pulled him into another kiss. 

Phil kisses back, and for the first time all day, Dan feels good.

Dan’s totally lost in the feeling, letting out a happy sigh. Before he knows it, he’s climbing into Phil’s lap, hands cupping his cheeks. 

He doesn’t even realize that he’s sliding his tongue into his mouth until Phil makes a surprised noise, quickly freezing as he feels guilt swarm inside him.

“Phil…” He starts to push him away, but Phil giggles a bit, looking a bit stunned, before he slowly tries to pull him back. “Nobody’s out here…” He assures Dan, shrugging a little bit. “If-If you want to keep going-” 

“Phil, I-what are we doing? What am I doing?” Dan quickly moves off of Phil’s lap, hugging his knees to his chest.

Phil blinks a few times. “...Kissing your boyfriend?” He asks, tilting his head to one side. He’s giving Dan a clueless look, like he really doesn’t get what’s going on. That only makes Dan’s stomach hurt worse.

“You know I want to do a bit more than kissing, don’t lie.” Dan’s snapping now, but he can’t help it. All the frustration is bubbling up, and the way Phil’s face turns red and he looks away sheepishly. “And I think you do, too.”

“Is that such a problem?” He said quietly. “That I want to...do more, with you?”

“Yes, Phil!” Dan groans. “Are you-Are you kidding me right now?”

Phil takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry-you just came on kind of strong. I-I guess I must’ve gotten the wrong idea.” “Yeah, well, you sure did.” Dan grits his teeth, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “I’ve had the worst fucking day of all time, and now look what’s happening.” Phil looks completely beside himself, curling up a bit further into himself, but before he can speak Dan’s going off. All these things he’s been holding inside him for so long, they just seem to be exploding out.

“Everything sucks, yeah? I get that for you, it might be different. You know what you want to do with your life, and you love it. It’s your calling or whatever. And you’re naturally some freaky genius who gets to do everything right the first try.” “Dan, c’mon-”

“No! It’s true! You’re Mr. Saintly, you can do whatever you want! My parents think I’m some delinquent, and I have to become a shitty lawyer to convince them I’m not!” “Hey, hey-” “You don’t get the pressure I’m under!” Dan snaps finally, slamming his hand against the grass. “I don’t know pressure?” Phil says, voice quiet. Dan opens his mouth to speak, but freezes as he catches the glare Phil shoots him. “You’re telling me I don’t know pressure? The model Catholc ex-homosexual?” Dan nearly shivers as the way Phil’s voice raises in anger-it’s not even that he looks that mad, but it’s so foreign that it terrifies him.

“I mean, really, Dan! I’ve never taken exams like this, I’m exhausted, I’m worried about you, I learn my-my friend thinks that I’m just as bad as the people who tried to ‘cure’ me, and now my boyfriend is getting mad that we just want to kiss after a long day and telling me I don’t know pressure?”

Dan gulps audibly, wrapping his arms around himself. “I didn’t mean to get mad.” He says finally. “Then why were you?” Phil sounds exasperated. “I don’t understand how you can kiss me like that and then just freak out and expect me not to get worried!”

Dan sniffles a bit, looking down. ”Well...we were getting kind of intense. And we’re Catholic, so I thought-”

He falls silent as Phil’s anger fades away and is replaced with confusion.

“Wait, hold on.” He shakes his head. “We’re Catholics?”

Dan freezes before looking over at him with a guilty look, feeling his insides physically ache at all of the hurt inside him. “Well...I-I’m trying to be one, anyways.” He explains shakily,

Phil gently rubs his hand with his thumb, letting Dan continue.

“I-I’m always trying, you know that? Even if I seem like I’m being a little bitch about flashcards, or-or slacking off, or just being weird and watching you pray. I’m trying! I’m trying to believe in God, I’m trying to not flunk out, I’m trying t-to not kiss you in front of everyone, I-I’m trying so hard, and it’s just-it’s not enough…” “Baby…” Phil reaches out and pulls Dan into his lap again, this time only to hold Dan as tight as possible. 

“Why isn’t it enough?” He hiccupped out as he started crying, breath coming faster. “E-Everyone else g-gets to do everything s-so easily, s’not fair!”

Phil didn’t say anything, just humming sympathetically and rubbing slow circles onto his back. After a bit, Dan finds himself slowly starting to calm down, and when his crying has been reduced to sniffles and a shaky sigh, Phil pulls away. 

“Do you want to start brainstorming solutions?” He suggested gently. Dan shrugged, rubbing his eyes. “Okay, let’s start with an easy one.” He says, voice somehow managing to be matter-of-fact and still loving. Dan feels himself shrink slightly, pressing his cheek to Phil’s shoulder. “You think you’re going to fail?” Dan laughed weakly, nearly about to start crying again. “It’s not really a question at the moment. I totally bombed that test today.”

“Do you care?” Phil said, quickly clarifying. “Do you care if that hurts your chances of having a career as a lawyer?” Dan pauses, taking a deep breath. “I don’t...I want to be in college. I don’t wanna flunk. But, fuck, if I become a lawyer I think I’m gonna be sad, and miserable, and having a miserable mid-life crisis, fuck-” Phil tugs him closer. “Hon, you don’t have to do law. You can do something else.” “You don’t get it, my parents-” “Dan.” Phil nudged Dan’s side. “Remember, I’m supposed to be an ex-homosexual and a future man of God. My parents expect me to be holy. Literally. I know it's tough. But it’s your life, right?” Dan nodded, rubbing his eyes. “I just...I don’t wanna be aimless.” “Then don’t be. Use the rest of this year to explore what you’re into, and then we can regroup and come up with a plan.”

Dan bit his lip. At first, the thought terrified him, but really after this semester there was only a semester left. Maybe Dan could take that theater class he had heard about...and the idea of not having to do another law seminar didn’t sound too bad…

“Mmm...I suppose I could.” He mumbled, rubbing Phil’s chest absentmindedly. Phil smiled and kissed his nose. “Now. About the religion stuff.” He started, sighing as Dan groaned in embarrassment before continuing on. “Are you really wanting to be Catholic? Like...really?”

“I want to be Catholic with you.” Dan said softly. “I want to share that-that idea of God with you. Because what if, when you-you go to seminary-which I know is a million years away, but still-what if you realize you need to be with another Catholic?”

Dan’s voice broke at the end and Phil cooed, rocking him back and forth gently in his arms. “Daniel, I-I...I don’t even know if I want to be Catholic anymore.” He admitted. As Dan shot his head up, 

“I want to follow God, and be a leader for Him. And I love some of the ways that the Catholic church does. But the idea of trying to be a religious leader for a religion that can’t support me and my relationship...” He took Dan’s hand and laced their fingers together. “Maybe I could check out some more, um, progressive Christian denominations.” 

Dan took in a deep breath, cupping Phil’s cheek with his free hand. “Wow. Just...wow. You see us lasting that long? Even if...I’m sorry, but even if I don’t think I could ever believe in God?” He asks, a bit doubtful. “Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law...” Phil began, nuzzling his cheek. “Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.” At the blank look on Dan’s face Phil laughed. “It means love is the most important thing, out of all the rules and commandments of Christianity. I think you’re a wonderful person who acts with love as much as possible, and I think that’s why I love you, and honors God-whether you call it that or not.”

Dan blushed. “You really think so?”

“Of course. And we can share deeper, spiritual things together, if you want to get close in that way. We can try meditation sometime. Or-Or more midnight talks, you know I love those.” “And what about...getting close, y’know, in that way?” This time it was Phil’s turn to blush, looking down. “I’m not exactly saving myself for marriage anymore.” “Can’t you become a virgin again?” Dan asked, and Phil turned infinitely redder.

“I-yeah? But do I really want to do that? I mean, I did what I did. And I don’t want to be a virgin until I can sign some piece of paper. I-I don’t want to wait that long at all, actually.”

“Oh?” Dan gulps thickly.

“I want to share it with you, because I love you, so much. I’ve never done it with someone I’ve, um, loved before.” He whispered softly. “Only quick, desperate stuff when I was...y’know.”

Dan cooed and cupped his cheeks, kissing him slowly. “I want to share it with you, too, love. We can figure it out later, yeah?” Phil grinned and nodded before leaning into the kiss, Dan giggling a bit. It might sound stupid, but he just felt so good. So light. Like he could just sit here in Phil’s arms forever, and nothing bad could happen. Like-

“Are you two tonguing right now?!” Louise shrieked, and Dan yelped as suddenly Phil was scrambling away, both their faces bright red as they turn to look up and see Louise, Chris, and PJ looking down at them with amused looks. “You totally were!” “Noooo…” Phil whined, burying his face in his hands as Chris snorted out a laugh. 

“Wow, Phil, kinda bummed you didn’t show me this kind of brotherly love.”

 Dan and Phil exchanged small glances, a slow smile spreading across each of their faces. “The soul of Daniel was knit to the soul of Philip.” Dan teased.

“Oh-shush your hush!”

[dahniwitchoflight]

Candy 15-17

Alright I know this is supposed to be sad but this feel so ridiculous it’s funny

“He ventures a glance at Dave, who is at the front of the line carrying a smaller casket containing Dirk’s decapitated head. “

why is there a seperate casket for the head, that’s not what funeral homes do xD

“It would be absurd were it not so tragic, and possibly also predictable.” 

“He looks at Dirk’s casket, sitting diagonally in a hole in the floor and popped about 13% of the way open.”

That’s a strangley specific number

Am I to take the imagery of something being diagonal as imagery for a “4�� and then complete it with the 13 to make 413?

Cuz is so, that’s heavy handed and ridiculous probably just as Dirk intended

“ROXY: and give it over to someone whos way more eloquent than me

Dave gets to his feet”

right because Dave is always so eloquent when it comes to delicate emotional matters lol

I don’t know why I’m finding this all so hilarious instead of tragic, maybe because it’s so melodramatic and in a way that feels scripted specifically by Dirk himself

ah, 3 quarters 

3 1/4′s

413 backwards now

“or even worse that he was somehow cosmically fated to become that person no matter what he wanted or did to prevent it “

I’m noticing more and more every time the phrase Cosmically fated is used in some form of Homestuck media its always bringing to mind ideas of Doc Scratch, like he’s the one who said it actually or it’s said in reference to him

so, +1 point to DS = DS again

“Gamzee:  I may not be all up and learned about his life, but I’ve got deep spirital connections to his death.”

yeah you sure do, and we’re not even talking about his decapitation right now aren’t we Gamzee?

This is actually a really solid point that the day “Dirk” died was the day his ultimate self got poisoned through the unholy merger that is Lord English/Caliborn/Gamzee/AR/Equius

So he’s probably been a bastard ever since Lord English started existing, which I mean “I am already here” blahblah means Dirk was very likely like this from the start potentially, but he was probbaly only really a bastard ever since Arquis got sucked into Caliborn/Gamzee

“GAMZEE: ThIs WaS nO cOiNcIdEnCe. It WaS a HiGhEr PoWeR gUiDiNg My PaTh.

GAMZEE: tHeSe PoWeRs MaDe SuRe ThAt I wOuLd Be ThErE, tO rEcEiVe A gReAt WaRrIoR’s FiNaL mEsSaGe, AnD rElAy It To YoU oN tHiS dArK aNd DrEaRy DaY oF dEaTh.

GAMZEE: HoNk!

The clown thrusts his hand somewhere beneath the waistband of his pants and starts obscenely rooting around. He retrieves a piece of paper, crumpled and soaked from the rain outside, and attempts to smooth it out over the lectern. The wet paper breaks apart immediately beneath his oafish clown paws.

GAMZEE: AwWw, ShIzZ. i GuEsS i’Ve GoT tO uP aNd WiNg It!”

yeah that note was probably the last shredded remnants of good dirk since there’s literally no reason to leave a sentimental note like that for his friends, makes sense Gamzee was guided by “a higher power” to grab it and make sure it gets relayed more like ruined to his friends

“KARKAT: THAT WAS HALF A HUNDRED WORDS TO EXPRESS A THREE LETTER SENTIMENT.

KARKAT: I’D SAY HE’S DOING FINE.”

What? How does “I’d say he’s doing fine” translate into “a three letter statement”?

Are they just hamfisting in the threes now or what?

“DAVE: i dunno dude thats

DAVE: a little fucked up actually

JOHN: you think so?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: dirk was a complicated guy

DAVE: dude obviously had reasons for doing what he did

DAVE: if you go back and just rewrite his decision

DAVE: thats like denying him his personal autonomy

JOHN: huh. i... didn’t think about it that way.“

Yeah if only they’d realize that what Dirk needs is a huge heaping helping of someone pushing back against his dumb decisions for once

Gotta give it to John though, he’s struggling against this drugged up haze so hard, he knows getting married to Roxy isn’t right and tries to think about that

but then he gets caught up in the drugged up candy haze and starts giggling, yeah you guys are gonna be happy alright, happy in a nice little drugged up stupor

lampshaded by John still reaching out to terezi despite being at his human wedding

Aww, trolls don’t have a concept of weddings? well, that makes sense but still

oh man it just keeps happening, this is supposed to be the story where John and Roxy get their love story, but all were actually getting is the faded echoes of what should have been which is apparently John and Terezi

oh god, Jane, jane why did Gamzee have to be your third partner, what the fuck even

I don’t wanna think about Gamzee about in relationships nope this is where I start getting uncomfortable

confirmed jade attempting Blackrom with Karkat, that’s interesting, and she’s bad at it too meaning she must not really have an interest in it

oh wow, she’s really just doing it because she thinks its what Karkat would want isnt she? Girl really is just desperate for love

“Three months later, John is still thinking about his last conversation with Terezi.”

See, this is how you know the JohnRoxy relationship is doomed/not meant to be

John Egbert, lover of Con Air and Nic Cage, has a loving wife and (probably) daughter and NOT ONCE has this narrative shown them OR made the joke, we just absolutely passed over the whole wedding and birth event in one fell swoop of unrequited feelings jam with another woman

Why is Roxy praying? That’s such a weird thing to drop as a small detail, who would she even be praying too?

“What’s bugging him about it is that Roxy didn’t seem to have any suggestions of her own.”

Yeah relationships built on social chameleon-ing aren’t happy for the chameleon either

Yeah John, little bit late to be having this sudden realization that you didn’t actually solve the problem (LE) by running away from it, even if everyone else has accepted that version of events

“ JOHN: you gave me a list of instructions and told me that i had to use my retcon powers to go back to a very specific point in time to defeat lord english when he was still just a kid. “

*THEORY INCOMING KILL BILL SIRENS ACTIVATE*

Wait, is that what Rose said at the beginning? No it isn’t, I remember the bit about John has to go back inside canon and defeat Lord English, I don’t think the method was ever fully explained though, nor the idea that he had to defeat him as a kid, it was never said he had to go back in time, just go back to canon

and that’s not what happened in the Meat timeline either! Nobody went back in time to defeat Caliborn when he was a kid, they just had the big showdown with LE exactly the way Rose is describing that went horribly wrong

this is practically screaming NEITHER Meat or Candy is the true version of events 

Actually yeah, defeating Caliborn really IS the way this should be settled, because it’s also the way that Dirk get saved as well, can’t get his ultimate self tainted if the taint is destroyed before it ever comes into contact with him

also im rereading the prologue now, it’s is NEVER explicitly said that John has to go and defeat lord english’s child form!

She said “you have to go back to canon to defeat LE” NOT go back in time to defeat caliborn

and “you can’t recklessly attack his hulking adult form without the house juju”

not “you can’t attack him as an adult at all” but “you can do that WITHOUT the juju” and describes it being used in the same way that Vriska ended up doing in Meat

yeah, she never mentions any plan to defeat him as a child in the prologue, which probably means Rose only saw a vision of his defeat as an adult as well

It’s gonna be JOHN who gets the idea to go back and kill him as a kid, because that’s how he understood Rose’s instructions!

But this is great, everything is vaguely worded enough that it COULD be applied to a fight against a young caliborn too! but just hasn’t yet!

What if you take the empty cursor and fill it with a young caliborn? instead of unleashing a full one against an adult LE? which proves to be pretty useless in the long run despite Rose’s apparent clouded vision?

Rose even says herself its only purpose is as an empty vessel meant to be filled by something, talk about totally understanding yet missing the point, this is probably what she meant by being unable to see any path beyond the meat or candy routes, she couldnt see the possibility of using the juju on caliborn before everything goes down just like how it was used on John and friends to trap them in there in Meat!

It’s Caliborn’s destined time out spot! Removing him from Canon and from being able to influence it without needing to kill someone who technically hasnt done bad things yet but absolutely will in the future solving the baby adolf problem with Caliborn

Oh man, what if they even trick Caliborn on using it against himself? talk about an earthbound reference, defeat Gigyas (LE) by tricking Pokey (Caliborn)  to trap himself in the "Absolutely Safe Capsule” (House JuJu)

Oh man back on the Candy train though John’s having an absolute breakdown, being infused with that canon retcon power seems to be the only thing preserving his ability to care about stuff beyond this happy drugged up paradise

Earth C has become Homestuck’s Ba Sing Se

“ He braces himself, as if splashing an imaginary glass of cold water in his own face, and reminds himself once again that he has a wonderful life. A perfect life. He’s HAPPY, god damn it.”

You really aren’t John, this is very clear, dousing yourself with some more Void to try and drown that out ain’t helping

[she-who-the-river-could-not-hold]

Season 7 Speculation Game

I was tagged by @captainwilldameron! Thank you!!! I rarely do spec so uhhh we’ll see how this goes haha but I’m really excited!!

Pick one or more characters you think will survive: Clarke, Bellamy, Raven, Murphy, Jordan, and god I hope at least Indra. Potentially Niylah. Madi. Probably Miller too? Can they just all survive? 

Pick one or more characters you think will die: Tbh I suppose Raven and Octavia could switch places in the sense of if one dies, the other lives? Not for any particular storyline reason, just something I feel. Jackson, okay maybe Miller, Russell. Gaia and Indra might be opposites - one lives and the other dies. Would NOT like that, pls give them a happy home and life. I know there’s also a theory that Bellamy and Clarke will die in the end as a sort of sacrifice for the future and uh... the angst side of my mind can’t entirely write it off. Sort of the in vein of them accomplishing their goal to get their people to safety and dying successfully if that makes sense. JROTH DON’T READ THIS I DON’T WANT IT.

(I’ve totally forgotten people but tbh I think a lot of people will die).

Pick one deceased character you think might make a cameo: Definitely Becca and/or ALIE (does she count as deceased?) since we still have some chips floating around I think, as well as Sheidheda having uploaded himself to something. Maybe some Abby stuff with flashbacks.

Do you expect any romantic changes to happen this season?: Yes I do! There tends to be something of some sort haha. I think Octavia is kind of the expected one (is shipping her and Hope a crack ship asdfkljsdlk). Obviously I’m a Bellarke stan through and through so I’m praying to every higher power lol. I won’t speak on the probability of that though. 

Where will the final scene take place?: I keep envisioning some type of settlement, still somewhat rudimentary. Everyone has started over and we get to see them just genuinely being people. Okay wait but now I just imagined them in a space ship about to head to a new planet and kind of a “what the hell the universe is ours” type of a moment which I don’t love but can also see. Idk leaning towards a new settlement on some planet or something.

What will the final line be?: Maybe something about life finally being about something more than just surviving. I think it would be a great callback and hopefully it would mean our characters get a complete break. I could also see this show being meta about itself and having Jordan with a kid and starts to tell a story about 100 kids who came down from the sky and then it fades to black.

Who will say it?: Oh lol I just rambled above! My guess is Clarke or a second-gen character, Madi or Jordan.

What’s one thing you hope happens?: BELLARKE. I also would really love for Raven to have a real storyline, that was easily the most disappointing part of the last season for me. Rewatching the earlier ones, she was so feisty and way more complex. I’d love for them to explore more of her internal conflict, as well as her and Clarke to being actual friends. Also fuck the commander shit, get that out of here. Clarke getting a GOD DAMN BREAK.

Do you expect a happy ending?: I feel like it’ll be a bit like The Hunger Games. I don’t see them erasing the characters’ traumas but instead an optimistic one. So I guess not entirely happy, but hopeful. That there can be a future for them. Yeah idk about “happy” per se since I don’t think that’s how this genre works. I think that’ll translate into them fully breaking the circle and being able to look ahead with the past actually behind them. 

List your favorite character, season and episode up to this point: My favorite character, her fuck ups and all, has always been Clarke. She’s definitely a fave character for me in general. I love her story, the back and forth, and how she’s constantly battling. I don’t gravitate towards morally “perfect” characters anyway and her grayness while still being the protagonist is fantastic. Favorite season is definitely season two, but I think one and three are close. EPISODE???? BITCH??? Jk hahaha. But honestly that’s so hard. Here’s some from each season because fuck choosing:

S1: “Earth Kills,” “Day Trip,” “I Am Become Death”

S2: “Fog of War,” “Coup de Grace”

S3: “Nevermore,” “Demons,” “Perverse Instantiation 1+2”

S4: “Gimme Shelter,” “God Complex,” “DNR,” “Die All, Die Merrily,” “Praimfaya”

S5: “Eden,” “Red Queen,” “Acceptable Losses”

S6: “Red Sun Rising,” “The Gospel of Josephine,” “Nevermind”

Tagging: @raven-reyes-of-sunshine, @johnmurphysass, @talistheintrovert, @braveprincess, @anne-shirley-blythe, @pawprinterfanfic, and @eyessharpweaponshot

[darkangeldesignstudio]

Mother’s Day

Sorry this chapter was posted a bit late today, but its been crazy around here and I feel like crap today lol. But, I promised a chapter every other day and here it is. Chapter 4 is here. Only one left to go. Love yall and thanks for all of the love and support I’ve been receiving since I started posting this story.

Negan x Reader

Honestly, writing this story was hard. The angst was real and the PTSD was not fun to deal with, but I feel like sharing this story with you all has made me stronger in the long run and I hope you all enjoy it. Remember, if you are ever going through something like this or know someone who is, talk about it, ask for help and know in your heart that, no matter what happens. YOU ARE STRONG!!

Summary: When the world ended, you used it to escape a living hell. Later, found yourself a place to call home in Alexandria. You  and your two children were welcomed into the community and you soon found a friend in the reformed soul of a prisoner named, Negan. Your relationship grows steadily over time and he becomes an irreplaceable part of your family, but when a nightmare from the past rears its ugly head, will your love be enough to keep you alive?

Warnings: Negan’s foul language (as usual), implied smut, talks of mental and physical abuse towards children and women, threats of sexual assault, violence, and death.

Chapter 4

By the time winter came and left, you were all thankful for what the community fair had brought in the fall. Winter had been extremely hard that year. Snow covered the ground on multiple occasions, knocking out power and forcing everyone to gather in the only three houses that had fireplaces. The kids kept up high spirits, having fun despite the cramped space and grumpy adults. Snowball fights were abundant on sunnier days and by the time spring appeared, you all had gotten used to the close quarters. Even Negan came out of the ordeal with a few friends.

With spring, came another special day organized by the communities. Mother's Day was just around the corner and the council had decided to make a spectacle of the date. It was almost impossible to be sure of the exact date for Mother's Day, but everyone was excited to celebrate anyway.

All of the kids would be participating in crafts, making gifts for their mothers and grandmothers and even their sisters and friends. It would be a great day for the women of the communities. Love was abound and everyone was happy.

When the day came, your ex was the farthest thing from your mind and even if he hadn't been, there was no reason to suspect that he would come anywhere near Alexandria. Unfortunately, he showed his face about halfway through the festivities. He was with a woman that you didn't know, chatting with her as if he didn't even care that you were there, but that thought went right out of your head when he turned to you and gave a menacing grin. You immediately knew something was off.

Hurrying back towards the crowd, you spied Negan and the children huddled together and, by the way they were whispering, there was no doubt that they were planning your gift. Determined not to ruin their fun, you went in search of someone working as security for the festival.

As you skirted the crowd, nobody was the wiser when the gun was pressed to the small of your back. “[Y/N], its so nice to see you again.”

You fought the urge to shiver in disgust as his breath caressed your ear. “What do you want, Bryan?”

His chuckle sent fear shooting up your spine. “I just wanted to see my best girl and my boys. I was devastated when I couldn't find you. Followed your family all the way to Virginia before I realized you weren't with them.”

His hand slid up your forearm in a lovers caress before clamping down hard on your elbow. “Start walking, don't fight me or I'll take the boys back to Hilltop with me.”

Anger coursed your body, but you only nodded, feigning submission. He forced you to lead the way into a secluded area away from the rest of the crowd, stopping when you were seemingly far enough to be unseen by the guards around the wall.

He released your arm and you turned to face him, backing away a few paces. He lowered his gun, but didn't holster it and you knew you would only get one chance to escape with your life. You had to keep him talking, distract him until Negan or the guards came to find you.

Taking a steadying breath you lifted your chin, channeling your inner bad ass “What the fuck do you want? You never, really, gave a damn about me or the boys. This is just a new form of entertainment for your fucked up mind, isn't it?”

Honestly, it was probably a bad idea to curse the way you did, but Negan's brash ways had rubbed off on you and the angrier you got, the more confident you felt in the face of the danger this man posed. There was a risk that angering him would put you in more danger, but if Bryan was the same man you remembered him to be, your defiance would just encourage him to talk more. He would try to break your spirit down before hurting you physically.

Your gamble paid off. He laughed in your face and his face grew darker, more menacing. “Oh, the little whore wants to get some balls now? Guess its been too long since someone put you in your place.”

You didn't back down, you couldn't. Any weakness you showed would mean death for your family. “Like you used to? With your hateful words and your threats? You think, after everything I survived, everything I've been through, that I would be scared of a fucked up piece of shit like you?!”

His face was growing darker with every word you spoke, but you ignored the anger in his stare and stepped closer to him pointing at him as if you held your own gun. “I survived walker hoards, bands of villains that were bigger than you, smarter than you, I survived them all and I came through it stronger! I will NEVER fear you or anyone else! I found a home here and people that love me and MY children and I will be DAMNED if I will let you ruin this for me! So, Bryan, the best thing you can do right now is to take that little gun of yours, shove it up your cowardly ass and go fuck yourself!”

The last words you spoke were punctuated with your finger poking Bryan's chest until you finally shoved him bodily away from you. His surprise was so great, he stumbled a bit before regaining his balance. He was looking towards the ground as if he couldn't face you, then you heard it.

Bryan's laugh started quietly, his shoulders were the only thing to betray him as it grew to a higher volume. It was wicked, maniacal, like nothing you had ever heard before and you knew you had pushed him too far.

He took a deep breath before looking up at your fear filled eyes. “FUCKING BITCH!! I'LL KILL YOU!!”

His fist was flying before you even got the chance to move away. The butt of his pistol connected with your arm, blocking him just in time to avoid hitting your face. The blow was still hard enough to send you sprawling on the ground, a scream was pulled from your throat as the skin on your legs tore open on the ground.

You looked up just in time for him to grab the collar of your shirt and pull you up. His next blow connected with your gut, knocking the wind out of you as he laughed and taunted you. “Nobody's coming to help you bitch.”

Another blow connected with your right shoulder, separating it from the socket. Your scream was cut short by his hand over your mouth. “After I'm done with you, I'll go take my anger out on those two little weakling brats and then I'll have my way with that pretty little thing that follows them around.”

Anger and disgust churned in your gut, his depravity knew no bounds. Nobody was safe if this prick was allowed to live. You bit down on his palm and saw red at the first taste of his blood. His scream filled you with glee as you spit his blood onto the ground.

Unfortunately, you knew that you wouldn't be worth much in a fight with your dominant arm separated from its socket and tried to think of a way to get out of this mess safely.

Fortunately, Bryan must have assumed the same and holstered his gun. He always found more joy in using his fists than a weapon and this time it would be his downfall.

You got into a fighting stance, hoping and praying that your plan would work until your screams brought someone to you. But, just to make sure, you screamed once more, the fiercest battle cry you could muster, before charging Bryan's direction.

He was bigger than you, stronger than you, but you were faster and he didn't have training like you did. You were able to dodge and evade most of his blows. The few that connected were blocked or only grazed you. His power did him no good if he couldn't connect with you fully.

It felt like hours, the pain in your arm was draining what little bit of energy you had left. You were slowing down. So, when you heard the footsteps, you were relieved. Someone was coming, you just hoped it wasn't Negan, but fate was a cruel mistress that day.

Negan's voice caused you to stiffen in fear for a whole other reason. “[Y/N], what the fuck's going on!”

You turned to face him, wincing at the pain in your shoulder. You had no idea how bad you looked, but you could guess from the look of pure rage that filled his face. Walking slowly towards him, trying hard not to cry out at the pain in your body, you collapsed in his arms.

Negan's voice was filled with fear, fear for you. “Baby, why is he here? Why didn't you come get me?”

Mustering the last bit of strength you had, you straightened your spine, balancing on your own two feet again. “He had a gun, threatened the boys and Judith if I didn't cooperate.”

Those words were enough, Negan helped you to sit on the curb, never taking his eyes off of Bryan. His voice was hard, brokering no argument when he spoke. “Sit here, this wont take long.”

Looking up at him, you felt the most fear you had ever felt. “Please, Negan, be careful. He has a gun.”

Negan's smile was cocky as he looked towards his opponent. “Don't worry doll, this fucker couldn't kill me if he had twenty guns.”

Rolling your eyes heavenward, you caught the small smirk cross Negan's features and smiled back. If there was ever a time not to joke, it was definitely in that moment, but that never seemed to matter to this man and that made you love him all the more.

As Negan walked nonchalantly towards your ex you smiled wickedly. “Hey Negan?”

He looked over his shoulder at you, brow cocked in inquiry.

“Kick his fucking ass so we can go home.”

Negan laughed as he walked on, it seemed he was going to test his wit before he started talking with his fists. “Bloodthirsty little thing, isn't she? Why the hell would you ever let that go, man?”

Bryan only sneered. “Bitch needs to know her place.”

Negan's voice was an octave lower when he stopped, only feet away from Bryan. “She has a place, beside me as the confident and bad ass woman that she is. By the looks of it, she gave you a run for your money, just like I taught her.”

Taking offense, you yelled at Negan's smug smile. “Michonne taught me most of that, you ass. I only used you for practice.”

His shoulders shook as he laughed, whether it was at your reply or Bryan's angry face you didn't know. “Told you she was feisty”

Bryan, turning his attention back to Negan, didn't notice as Michonne and the other leaders joined you. Michonne gestured for you to keep quiet. Apparently there was a plan in place that you weren't privy to. Bryan's voice pulled you back to the problem at hand. “I don't know who the hell you are to that whore and I don't give a shit, she was keeping me from seeing my children.”

Negan stepped a fraction closer to Bryan, forcing him to focus on only him and their conversation. “You mean the kids you beat and tortured every damn day of their lives? The way I see it, they are better off thinking you are dead. You get one chance to walk away before I decide to make that thought into a fucking reality. Then, they will finally be able to live in peace.”

Bryan laughed, throwing his head back and covering his eyes as if he couldn't bear to look at Negan's face. Taking the opportunity, Negan stepped a bit closer and tried to get him talking again. “I don't see anything funny about this fucked up situation. Are you really that sick in the head?”

When Bryan looked back at Negan, you could see the madness in his eyes. “I get it, your that little bitch's dad or something. What was her name, Judith? I'll make you a deal, give me the bitch and those two brat sons of mine and I wont hurt your sweet girl. [Y/N] is a small price to pay to keep your kids safe right? What do ya say?”

You saw the minute shift in Negan's posture just before his fist flew into Bryan's face. “I think I'll just save us all some trouble and fucking KILL YOU!!”

The volume at which Negan yelled was enough to get Michonne and the others to come out of hiding. You all watched as Bryan was driven to the ground again and again. His screams of agony as bones broke was like a symphony as he finally got what he deserved a million times over. You never thought of yourself as someone who liked violence, but this was one of the best things you ever could have witnessed.

Only, it was over much too soon. Bryan lay collapsed on the ground as Negan stood over him. He wasn't dead, you could tell he was breathing and you didn't know whether to feel relieved or angry that Negan hadn't bashed the jackass's skull in.

Turning back to you and the small crowd of leaders at your back, Negan wiped the blood from his hands and walked back towards you all slowly. The look on Michonne's face spoke volumes, she was just as mad as you and Negan. The threat to her daughter had, apparently reached her ears along with everyone else's. All of their faces were hard, ready for another confrontation that, from the looks of your ex's broken form, wasn't coming soon.

Moving slowly away from the group, you met Negan halfway. He touched you softly, trying not to jostle your injured shoulder. “Told you I'd win.”

Rolling your eyes at the cocky grin, firmly plastered to his face at this point, you barely caught the movement from Bryan as he raised his gun, aiming at Negan's back.

Moving with a speed you didn't know you possessed, you pulled Negan's gun from his waistband. Shooting left handed was not something you did often, but at this point you were running on instinct. You snaked your way around Negan's back, shielding him with your body as you took aim and pulled the trigger.

Pain shot through your left hand and the gun fell to the ground. Landing on your knees, you screamed in agony when your right arm flopped limply at your side, but you had hit your mark. Bryan lay dead on the ground, the bullet finding a new home in his head. He never got a shot off.

“[Y/N], what the fuck!?”

Looking up at Negan as he crouched in front of you, you winced at the pain as you shook your right hand at him, smiling the whole time. “What the hell did you put in that gun? Fucking buckshot?”

Negan looked as if he wanted to yell at you, but appeared to think better of it with the sorry state you were in. Anyway, who could really complain when their woman just saved their ass. So, he took a page out of your book and rolled his eyes, sighing in exasperation. “Should have fucking done that begin with.”

Taking a breath suddenly became hard as darkness began to overtake your vision. “Yeah, you really...should...have.”

The last thing you saw was Negan's face as he jumped to catch you, calling your name as you passed out.

[habibialkaysani]

With the Morning Light (Matt/Elektra; T)

Ships: Matt/Elektra

Summary: Set during the flashbacks of Daredevil 2x05. The morning after their first time, Elektra wakes to find Matthew greeting the morning with prayer.

A/N: Okay! So I have spent the last few months getting into the Marvel Netflix verse and honestly it's been such a ride. Daredevil was the first show I watched after my friend nagged me for ages, lol, and I am now super invested in MattElektra. I didn't think I'd be writing something so soon, but here we are :)

Thanks to Ell/@violetsforgirls for reading this over for me and giving much-needed suggestions. You’re a star!

Read at AO3

Elektra had always been a light sleeper.

She remembered Stick telling her that was a good thing, actually laughing gruffly when she'd woken to the sounds of his footsteps and had pressed a blade against his throat. Where most people would have been affronted, Stick was proud, impressed, even.

(Elektra would never admit it to anyone, not even herself, but she needed his approval. At least, every now and then she did.)

It was that kind of base instinct, he had said, that made her ideal for the Chaste. She'd scoffed at the time when she heard the name, telling him she thought it sounded like some kind of cult of celibacy.

“Ellie, I don't give a shit who you decide to sleep with. For once I agree with you. It's a stupid name. Almost as stupid as the Hand. But that doesn't change the fact that we have to defeat them. Just get the job done and we're good.”

And they had been. Elektra was efficient in her missions, in a way that made her stand head and shoulders above the rest of the Chaste's members.

But then Stick assigned her Matthew Murdock.

From the outset she knew it wasn't her typical mission, because Stick hadn't ordered her to kill anyone. And sure, Stick hadn't said outright that Elektra had to sleep with Matthew either, but really he hadn't needed to - especially when Elektra had found herself falling for Matthew, hard.

And now, here they were, in Matthew's college dorm, spent and aching from their second round of lovemaking - the first being in the boxing ring Matthew used to frequent as a child. When they had reached the dorm, she'd laughed openly at him when he insisted on putting a sock on the door, even though his shaggy-haired roommate had already told him he was away visiting his parents.

(She'd stopped laughing, though, when he'd back-kicked the door shut and pressed her up against it and kissed her so hard it left her breathless.)

But it was morning now, the light streaming through the gap in the curtains. Elektra's eyes followed the path the narrow beam of sunlight made, turning on her side, and she found Matthew was sitting up, having pulled on some pyjama pants but still without a shirt. His head was ever so slightly bowed forward, and in the light she caught sight of the smattering of stubble on his jaw.

It was hard not to admire him - there was something beautiful, in the soft kind of way that Elektra hadn't thought was real, in the curve in his cheek, the way his brow was furrowed in concentration, in the way he slowly, deliberately exhaled. It was like - goddamn it, she couldn’t even believe she was thinking this - like Matthew was emanating light from within. And that made Elektra's breath catch in her throat.

Of all people, she never thought this would happen to her. Elektra had always looked at those lovelorn in disdain, not understanding when people wrote poetry, songs, novels, about this far-fetched emotion she had had yet to feel. But being with Matthew now - it was like a switch had flicked in her head. Like suddenly it all made sense.

Yet it wasn't just the gleaming sun kissing his cheeks and caressing his face that made her see him differently. It was more than that. Matthew had practically bared his soul to her last night. He’d opened up to her and given himself to her in every sense of the word - been vulnerable in a way she hadn't expected. And now, Elektra did not for the life of her know what to do with that, because the mere thoughts racing through her mind felt dangerously like the very love she had been so dismissive of before.

Looking at him now, she wasn't sure what he was doing - he seemed to be steeling himself, trying to work up the courage to do something. She just didn't know what - not until he blessed himself, put his hands together and started murmuring under his breath - and even then, she didn't recognise the words for what they were immediately.

“Dear Lord, help me remember what a difference it makes when I make time with You a priority in my morning. Awaken me in body and spirit each day with a desire to meet with You and to hear You speak words of affirmation, assurance and wisdom over my heart as I prepare to go into my day. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.” He blessed himself again, two fingers touching his forehead and chest and shoulders. Then he sighed deeply, before he whispered the final word in the prayer: “Amen.”

And Elektra didn't even realise she was holding her breath until she suddenly found the need to let it out, and that was enough to give her away.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Matthew said softly without turning around.

“Hey,” Elektra replied with a smile.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.”

“It's okay.” Elektra paused for a moment, then said, “I didn't know you were the religious type.”

That was a lie. Stick had briefed her thoroughly beforehand, and Elektra probably knew Matthew's life story better than he did.

Almost of its own accord, Matthew's hand went up to touch the crucifix around his neck.

“I'm not always a good Catholic,” he admitted. “Some days… I wonder what the point of all this is.”

“What do you mean?”

“The guilt, the penance, the self-punishment - and doing it all shrouded in ritual and candles and holy water like that makes it all okay.” But then he stopped short, as if he had just recognised the bitterness in his voice. “Sorry. I didn't mean to get all philosophical on you first thing in the morning.”

Elektra just laughed, reaching forward, her fingers grazing against his as she felt the cross too. “That's all right.”

“I guess that means you don't believe in a higher power, then?”

“You say that like it's a given.”

“For me it is,” Matthew countered.

“But you just said -”

“I said I'm not always a good Catholic. That I don’t know what the point of prayer is all the time. That I can get angry at God. But that doesn't mean I don't believe He's up there watching me.”

“How can you be so sure?” Elektra asked quietly.

To her surprise he chuckled. “I will let you know if I ever have a proper answer to that.”

It was then that she said slowly, “In answer to your question… I guess, maybe there is a God. Maybe there isn't. To be honest, I don’t really care either way. But if there is - in my book, He seems like a bit of a bastard.”

Elektra expected him to flinch at that, or otherwise react, and she was surprised to see that other than a slight twitching in the corner of his mouth, Matthew said and did nothing.

“What makes you say that?” he said finally.

“Last night… you said you lost your dad,” said Elektra, “that he was killed by criminals. And I doubt that's the only injustice that's happened to you.”

Matthew nodded. “Yeah, there are way too many sequels to that sob story.”

“It's not a sob story,” Elektra said firmly. “It's your life. It’s not been an easy one. And you've been dealt far too many shitty hands. It makes me wonder if the person or being doing the dealing is doing it on purpose when you so clearly deserve better.”

“I have to say, I'm glad life isn't a card game because I wouldn't have stood a chance. Being blind and all.”

Elektra laughed. “True. But I wonder - if we're going to go with that analogy - why keep playing, giving Him the benefit of the doubt, Matthew, when you keep being dealt so badly?”

He shrugged. “I guess I just have faith that I'll get dealt the right cards eventually.”

After hesitating for a moment, Elektra reached out, so her hand was covering his. “Well, for what it’s worth - I may not be a believer, but that’s something I’d pray for. For you to be happy.”

And Matthew smiled now. “See? That’s a miracle right there.” Their fingers laced together as he leaned in to kiss her forehead, then her nose and her lips. There was something so tender about it all - the kind of gentle earnestness that Elektra knew instinctively that she didn’t deserve.

“I'm glad you're here,” Matthew blurted out, almost before he seemed to realise he had done so. His hand dropped to his side.

“I'm glad too. Mostly because this futon is a wonder.” Matthew chuckled as well.

“It's only started to be. Before last night it was always so - stiff and new.”

“Well, then, I'm glad you broke it in,” Elektra said with a smile. She hesitated, then said, “Can I ask you a question? It's possible it might be too personal -”

She was surprised when she felt his lips brush against her cheek, even more so when he pulled away slightly and Elektra caught sight of the slow smile forming on his face. “Sweetie, I think we got plenty personal.”

That helped a bit - him making her smile, distracting her from what was really on her mind. “True.” She leaned over her side of the bed so she could grab Matthew's discarded t-shirt, putting it on.

“I hope that was my shirt,” he said with a grin.

“You know it was,” she teased back. He shrugged at that, letting out a tiny sigh when she put her arms around his bare waist from behind, burying her nose in his shoulder.

“You can ask, you know.”

She didn't need to be told twice. “Have you ever been in love?” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop herself, and his sharp intake of breath already made her regret asking.

“Have you?” he countered. And for what felt like the hundredth time so far, again, Elektra was thrown, caught off guard, without an answer. Damn Matthew Murdock and his never-ending ability to get under her skin.

“I didn't even think it was possible,” she admitted. “I… didn't think I was built for that, to be honest.” Then she shifted a little, reaching out so her finger was under his chin and she turned his head towards her. “Good job deflecting that question, by the way. Nicely done, Matthew.”

At first he didn't answer, just kissed her gently. Then he said quietly, “I have, Elektra. Been in love, that is.”

“How did it end?”

“It hasn't,” he replied firmly without hesitation, as he leaned his forehead against hers, and Elektra knew that Matthew could have gone on, said more. His lips were parted, the words that Elektra had all but asked him to say on his tongue, but she couldn't let him say it. And it wasn't only because it pained her to see him wear his heart so unashamedly on his sleeve; no, it also pained her when she realised that what she wanted more than anything was to do the same in return.

But she had her mission. Elektra was meant to be the distraction for Matthew, not the other way around.

So she lost herself in him instead, and he in her. And she shouldn’t have, she really shouldn’t have, but as she buried her face in the crook of his neck, she found herself mouthing the words she had stopped him from saying into his skin.

Tagging a few people who might be interested (apologies if you’re not pls ignore): @captainriphunter @therewas-a-girl @moralezmiles @smilinstar

[rqs902]

qcyn ep 10 aka an episode that really made me happy!! but also really made me miss season 1..........

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG WU CHENGZE AND CHEN SIJIAN AND XU FANGZHOU OMGOMGOMG IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM!!!!!! OMGOMGOMG THAT BOTTOM ROW AHHHH I WAS SO SURE THAT CHENGZE WASNT GONNA MAKE IT BUT OMGOMOGMOG YESSS AND THANK GOODNESS SIJIAN OMGGGG YESSSHSHSHS AHHHHHH 

phew thank goodness lin mo made it tho, now i feel like there’s not much left for me to do cept wait for this show to end bc im pretty sure thats as far as he’ll get, and im so so relieved he made it to the top 20 thats all i was asking for, i just wanted him to be able to participate in every stage. so now im just excited for when he gets out what mr tyger will do!

man iqiyi really skipping even 14-19 man..... 

wowowowow long lost xixi spirit of the knght footage that we never got to see T__T

LOOOOL LONGHAN THE POOR CHILD HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HIS INTERACTIONS WITH YIXING ARE GOLD

awwwww huaiwei’s feeble “are yall not gonna clap” was so sad... but also i was kinda expecting his fall with the 2 vote restriction bc huaiwei is hilariously fun and everyone likes him, but hes not as much bias material.... lol shi zhan awkwardly stuck between two crying people lol

HAHAHAHHA CHEN SIJIAN ‘why cant we just talk to each other’s face to face’ HAHHAHAHA I LOVE HIM 一點都不說唱 HAHAHHAAH

lol zhenning exposing shi mingze is the content im here for! mingming is the cutest bub omg 

LOL WTF IS THIS THIS EDITING IS SO EXTRA HAAHAH

wow a rare zhan yu teardrop mole sighting!!

lol how much u wanna bet it was rigged that the first one was for wenhan from yangyang

aw huaiwei and yueyue....... ok but is he really telling them that they shouldnt go to the hospital if they get third degree burns?? bc as a future healthcare professional im gonna to strongly disagree on that one........ please take care of yourselves and your health first.........

HAHAHHAA I LOVE XIXI AND JUNJIE’S FRIENDSHIP HAHAHAH the fact that sijian was like “lol its junjie” as soon as xixi got called out ....oh my goodness this is the sweetest thing oh my goodness 

aw zhenning being so caring towards wang zhe.... but luckily wang zhe did really well in maze :) 

i hope we get to see more of these letters in the extra clips.... im waiting for jia yi’s letter to lin mo ;_; i see that mr tyger group hug ahhh also was that lin mo that wenxuan was hugging at the end bc their friendship is really aw too

OH MY GOODNESS IS THAT SUN ZELIN IN A CF/?!?!?!! OMGGGGG MY CHILDDD HAHAHHAHAH OMGGGGG YESSSSS CHEN SIJIAN TOO!!!! WOWWOWOOW AMAZING!!

aw junjie looking for happy for his friends even tho he likely wont make it this round.....

aw shi mingze and zhenning aww look at zhenning rising to the top, he really became people’s one pick after retreat huh hahaha 

man this might sound kinda mean (im really not trying to be) but what are the chances jia yi will keep falling and fall out of top 9 so mr tyger can continue as 5.... LOL im sorry i love the child but tbh i dont think being in top 9 will be worth his time as much as being reunited with his favorite geges......

aw poor mingming so nervous.... reminds me of quanzhe from last season that one time iqiyi kept panning to him during elims....

i wonder why there’s a bunch of them missing from the special class / the charity activity this time..... are they all in the hospital again???? like lin mo, jia yi, wenhan.... would zhan yu be with them to watch over lin mo and jia yi? 

lol why does bo yuan know the maze choreo, did he learn it in like 30 seconds?? gu landi with his saxophone!!!!!!!!!!!

ok can we pls talk about how ymm is in such disbelief that he went up so much?? i really hope this helps him gain more confidence....... AND OMG HIS SMILEEE 

omg chen youwei bringing up yi xiao.... aw this just makes me think of when youwei kept chanting jin fan’s name during the first elims.... and now wang yi and li yuzhi are left watching from below..... omgosh wu chengze is crying so hard.... do you think its bc his bff sun zelin ranked beside him last time but this time..... he’s not gonna be able to continue with him? (omg im just thinking about how sun zelin talked about chengze high-fiving him and going out of his way to wish him good night every night before bed... their friendship is...... so important......) honestly im gonna miss sun zelin and his silly humor and his adorable personality... he recognized he wasnt as skilled but he still tried really hard and dreamed big and im proud of how far he made it! 

wait i have a question, if ymm has this many solo stans then who else were they voting for with their second vote if not wen yechen??? MINGMING’S SMILE IS THE MOST PRECIOUS OH MY GOODNESS omg cutting to a crying shi mingze their friendship is so important MINGMING YOU DESERVE THIS 

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA YAO MINGMING KEEPING IT REAL HAHAHHAHAHAA SO REAL IM CRYING HAHAHAHAHAHA BO YUAN’S FACE HAHAHA AND THEN YIXING HAHAHHA

wow waiting for them to announce who ranked #1 is just as suspenseful as it was on “all for one” -- aka not suspenseful at all........... ITS WENHAN OK WE GET IT NO ONE THINKS ITS GUAN YUE IM SORRY

lol i just looked up bo yuan’s birthday and hes like 9 months older than lin mo but now that hes eliminated does this make lin mo the oldest trainee on the show..... 

omgosh im gonna miss the sound of feng junjie’s voice screaming

omgosh zhan yu helping lin mo lift his box out aw!! aw zhan yu and jia yi working together.... aww them all working together

aw zhenning and shi zhan friendship!!!! LOL THIS IS SO CRINGE HAHAHHAHAHA wow i just realized the S symbol reminds me of a sadder looking yoyo class symbol from “all for one” lolololl 

ooo at least we’ll get another junjie ep of YAA!!!! and sun zelin too!!! SHI MINGZE YOYO POWERS/??!!? omg reminds me of bi wenjun ;_; i miss our yoyo prince ;_; omg they reused the puffy suits from last season LOOOLLLL wait but im sorry xixi i cant look at that colorful one without thinking of lou zibo ahhhhhhhhh I MISS ZIBO TOO and qian zhenghao in the tiny alien one omg that was such a iconic moment!!!!! and qin fen in the overblown monster one ahhhh I MISS SEASON ONE IM SORRY I FEEL LIKE ITS LATE ENOUGH IN THIS SEASON THAT I CAN SAY THIS WITHOUT FEELING LIKE IM BEING BIASED BUT SEASON ONE WAS BETTER ---- but i still love many of the kids from this season, its not their fault this season has just been generally more frustrating and less focused on all of their friendships. but season one just seemed generally more enjoyable, fun and lighthearted, yet emotional in a positive manner

LOL theyre all so obviously reading off a script this is pretty funny WHY IS HANYU SO CREEPY HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA 

FENG JUNJIE 28 NOOOOO ahhh i thought shi mingze would make it too........ man wang yi 38?? i thought he’d be higher.... man chen sijian’s literally the only rap line trainee left wtf............ wow wang jiayi really dropped so much throughout this show.... 

wait i wanna hear the full version of shi mingze’s speech, i feel like he mightve said more about his friendship with mingming... i guess now that i think about it, mingze having ranked rather high last time was rather impressive considering iqiyi hasnt given him much time to shine......

ooof ok im kinda hoping 20 will be gu landi or shao haofan bc their vocals really would’ve earned it. omgosh gu landi asking chen tao if he can sit next to him ahhhh so cute

im yao chi praying for gu landi... but i feel like its gonna be chen tao bc freaking wenhan’s “gwi ze” LOL

yep

not surprised

man the audience be sleeping on gu landi’s talent..... 

omg this is my new favorite friendship omg gu landi is so supportive towards yao chi im crying.... 

lol they keep saying the top 9 is 換血 but literally i feel like the only new person is zhenning...???? 

OH MYGGODNESS DID THEY JSUST CALL FENG JUNJIE IM SSHAKINGN!!! MASD;ALSKD;LAKSD;LK;LS;AKLDK YEASSSSSSSS!!!!!SKJSALDKJSALKYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THANK YOU THANK YOU THAKN YOU OH MY GOODNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS IM SO PSODKALSKDJLAKJDSLK DSALKJSALASD IM IN DISBELIEFASLDKJALK IM LITERALLY CRYING SO HARDR IGHT NWOWWWW AHHHH OMGOMOGMG THIS IS THE BEST NEWS IVE HEARD ALL DAY OMGGGJGGGGGAHHHHHHHHH THNAK GOODNESS AHHHHHHH LAKJSDLAKSDLKL HE CAN STAY WITH XIXI TILL THE END THANK GOODNESS OH MY GOODNESS IM SHAKINGG 

hahhahahahhaha fjj: i didnt imagine i would be picked by the old men... yixing: i can tell :)  LOOOOL JUNJIE YOUR FACEE HHAHHAHAHAHA

wow today is a such good day wow feng junjie made it wow im so grateful wow this is a great day wow life is great isnt it 

ahhh im wu chengze chanting wu zelin sun zelin wu zelin sun zelin 

aw lin mo and wenxuan are really so close....

just dont say wenhan LOL

lol the old men really like zhou shiyuan so im not surprised... he does deserve it tho!

oo good for haofan! 

honestly they prob made sure the old men didnt pick yechen, zhan yu or bo yuan again... sadly..... but also sad they didnt notice gu landi....... omgosh look at zhan yu pumping his fists in the air even tho he knows its over... this is his “pretending to be mature gege” side, trying to appear positive for his bros... i wanna see lin mo and jia yi’s full thank you speeches and see if they mention his again T_T

WANG JIAYI TELLING HUAIWEI ITS OK TO NOT BE STRONG IS SO IMPORTANT. ahhh hes really a caring friend

oh gosh seeing the top 20 choosing their final songs makes me think back to last season and im getting freaking mack daddy flashbacks and im shuddering in fear LOL “ITS OKAY” WAS AND STILL IS THE SUPERIOR SONG IM SORRY ITS JUST A FACT

LOL THEY TEXT THEM!??! on the bright side, this just reminded me that top 35 will still get to be in ep 11 so yayyy we get another zhan yu stage!!!!!!

lol this earth ad is even more cringey.................. the ending credits.... i see lin yuzhi! and xixi got a cool shot :D im surprised lin mo didnt get any shots haha and that they didnt show mr tyger at all during the hugging portion at the end but oh well i guess..... 

tbh this was a minimal lin mo exposure ep but its ok, im still grateful that he got a few random closeups (which is more than i can say for some of the others) and now that hes safely in top 20 i honestly think my work here is done LOL. there’s not much more lin mo fans can do for him. theyve gotten him onto all the stages and i dont think any amount of work will get him into top 9... and ive said before i dont even really want him in top 9 bc id rather he stay with mr tyger and help them stay relevant bc theyll need his help to do so, especially since jia yi will probably make top 9. 

(from here is where i go into a rant about season 1 vs season 2.... LOL)

lets be honest, ranking 16 is too low for lin mo to make it lol....... last season the only kid who made top 9 who wasnt already in top 9 by ep 10 was yanjun... and yanjun had been on a steep upward trend leading up to the last ep (lin mo went from 17 to 16... theres minimal momentum there lol) and then bi wenjun going from 12 to 10 was the other surprise. xikan going from 18 to 13 was impressive, but he still wasnt one of the contenders for the 9th spot. i think at the end it was bu fan, qian zhenghao, bi wenjun and you zhangjing right? out of those 4, the lowest ranked in ep 10 was bi wenjun at 12..... so going from 16 up to 9 would be really really unlikely, unless lin mo somehow makes an even greater impression on the audience during the mentor collab stage than yanjun did last year.... which i think will be impossible bc literally the entire audience fell in love with yanjun during the “zero” performance in last season’s ep 11 lol it was crazyyyy.... but anyway i think ive reminisced about last season enough this rant.... can you tell i really miss it? honestly ive tried to stay as positive as i could throughout watching qcyn and i gave iqiyi the benefit of the doubt from the beginning that “oh maybe it just doesnt seem as great as the first season bc we havent gotten to know the kids yet, the show’s just started, we’ll learn to love it later” ---- but we’re on ep 10 now and i just.......... i still dont think i got to know the kids as well as i did last season and its not their fault, theyre not any less lovable kids (some of them i really like!!! more than some of the kids from last season!) but this season’s editing is really just disappointing. i really miss last season and it was honestly so much more enjoyable to watch..... i thought about this the other day, if lin mo had been eliminated during the last round, would i still be watching this show? and i thought about it and i honestly think i would... because i really like some of the other kids like mingming, junjie, xixi, jia yi, guan yue, chen sijian, etc. but i really dont think id be as eager to stay up to date with it. ive fallen behind on yaa and dont even look forward to watching fanafan anymore bc lin mo hasnt been on any of those (no, i dont count the yaa ep he literally only got 1 second of screentime in) these side shows are fun, but not as fun as fanafan from last season. they feature the same kids over and over again (literally yuehua trio was the ONLY kids on fanafan 2 weeks ago and then they were 1/3 of the ep last week too??? and hmm how come there are kids who have been on yaa multiple times yet there are also kids who have never been on it at all???? that’s just so unfair.....) without fanafan from last season, would you zhangjing have made it into top 9?? fanafan was the medium thru which he really showed us how hilarious and fun and lovable and sweet and sassy he was (whereas on the actual show he showed us his true, undeniable talent) and im just here wondering, if qcyn’s fanafan had featured ye ziming half as much as they had featured you zhangjing or his partner in crime yanjun (who both ended up making top 9), would he have at least made top 35? or how about chen sijian and wu zelin? or feng junjie?? or su yuhang?? where would they be now? why hasnt lin mo been on fanafan at all??? if given the chance, would people actually be appreciating zhan yu’s hilariously weird and crazy personality that we NEVER got to see?? sigh.......... 

OKAY WHERE ARE ALL THE EXTRA CLIPS IMMA FIND YALL

[xiaohaos]

Come Back Home - The8/Minghao

Word Count: 2,222

Genre: Angst/Fluff (when will I stop writing in this genre lol)

Summary: Minghao gets into an accident and is in a coma shortly after his wife tells him that she is pregnant

A/N: one of the first fics I’m posting that ISNT the first draft. I’m trying not to be so impulsive with my posts now to provide better quality content! So I hope you enjoy, I worked really hard on it!

It should be peaceful watching him sleep but the tension in the air is suffocating. You’d been seeing the same scene, over and over again for the past few months. Was it 3 or 4? You had lost track already. Spending as much time as you possibly could with your husband.

It could be worse.

At least that’s what everyone’s trying to convince you. And honestly you thought it couldn’t get worse when he was all mummified in bandages, but as they slowly unravelled and stitches got removed, the reality sank in deeper. Minghao was comatose.

There was a longing in your heart for his hand around your waist whenever you travelled together. His warm, plush lips on yours every morning as you woke up, legs tangled with the sheets and with each other’s. The heat of his body warmth against yours during a movie marathon that you barely paid attention to. All replaced by the cold and loneliness.

He was unresponsive to your every plea and beg, sob, wail, and anguished cry. The heartbreaking chokes that would fall out of your mouth when the days dragged on longer and seemed lonelier. It was almost like he was gone from you, and the worse part is, it felt like it was all your fault.

If you hadn’t begged him to follow you to your first doctor’s appointment, he wouldn’t have been speeding to make it on time and he wouldn’t … be here, serenely lying on the crisp hospital sheets, hair fanned out on the pillow, his roots needing a touch up, arms laying limp on his sides, with no sign of movement whatsoever, other than the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

It was almost as clear as day, the moment you received the call. Your blood running cold, legs trembling as they struggled to hold your weight up. Staggering to the emergency room and the agonisingly prolonged wait outside the OR. Only to find out that he was saved, but not awake.

Why? Why him? Why now when I need him the most?

You would ponder on nights where you were the only visitor and the silence was overwhelming. Slipping your hand in his limp one and praying to some higher power that maybe, just maybe you would feel a slight twitch. But keeping his consistency each time, nothing ever happened.

It became increasingly difficult everyday, carrying the heavy burden of being on your own most of the time. As well as, having to nourish yourself for the second life you were carrying. Some days when there was no one to turn to, you even talked to the child being protected by the walls of your womb. Probably a sign that you had been driven into losing your sanity bit by bit, but at least you had a constant companion.

“We found out the little one’s sex today, Hao.”

Another tiresome day of facing reality had passed. With all the had gone on, news of your child’s growth should leave you euphoric - a milestone had been achieved. But with a lack of his presence did it really matter?

Whilst intertwining his fingers with yours as much as you could, feeling the groves and callouses of his palm that he had gotten whilst dancing, of course they were nearly as rough as they were when he was active. You stroked the long hairs of his light brown fringe off his forehead - where they were messily strewn over his eyelids -and sighed. He’d wanted to grow it out, along with what you would affectionately call the “cow-lick” at the back of his neck, to set off a trend he could be proud of. You had warned him that it could possibly get in the way of his vision but he insisted.

It would irritate his eyes when he woke up.

“It seemed wrong to do it without you, but I just wanted to have something exciting to tell you today” So that maybe you’ll wake up. The last bit remained unsaid but in the tone of your words, the tinge of hope was ever so prevalent.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t go by myself. Gyu came with me… for moral support.”

Throughout the past couple of months, Mingyu alongside Soonyoung had been strong pillars in your life. What with handling the paper work for both Minghao, yourself and the baby, being able to handle your finances and pay bills on time. The essential things that one could forget with their brain scattered because of all the situations that occurred at once. He’d offered to tag along after he found out what appointment it was today and you eternally grateful for his presence because you were sure to have broken down without him there.

Here goes nothing.

You took in a deep breath before opening your mouth again.

“Haohao, She’s a girl. She’s what you’ve always wanted. I know we’ve always said that it doesn’t matter as long as we have a healthy baby but I know deep down inside you’d have a soft spot for a first born girl.”

Your eyes began to sting and become out of focus as you felt the cooling tears slide down your rosy, burning cheeks as you recalled the discussion you had with Minghao when you first told him you were pregnant.

He picked you up spun you around, giggling in elation. The expression on his face was unmistakable for nothing but happiness. He looked at the long white stick twice and double checked it another three times. Gazing into your eyes and cupping your cheeks in his hands, he exhaled.

“We’re actually having a baby!”

True smiles emerged on his face on that day, as he blubbered about his parenting plan, the best place for the baby to sleep and most importantly what he always wanted to do with his future child. Most of it involving styling them up to be the trendiest kid on the block.

“I have the ultrasound here with me, she’s growing so well, maybe if you could open your eyes you could see?” Your eyes flitted to your wallet on the bedside table where the scan was neatly fitted into one of its pockets. You’d mentioned it because you knew that he never got the chance to see it before. The temptations that you had been laying out for him to wake up, have gotten less and less subtle over the period of time he had been hospitalised. By now, it was almost like you were straight up asking him to get up.

Pent up frustration grew in the depths of your heart as once again, you got “ignored”. He laid still, the heart rate monitor still at a constant beat, and no sound was emitted from his mouth. Your vision became more blurry as salty droplets fell freely in torrents from your tear ducts, dampening the sheets below you.

“Minghao, please.” The request was choked out, it was getting harder to breathe and even harder to elicit a sound. You don’t know what came over you but you began frantically shaking his shoulder, almost like the panic had finally settled in that maybe you were all on your own.

“I need you here with me, please!” They became screeches of desperation. All you could think was how he had been missing his daughter’s first special moments before she was born, and how empty you felt inside. How it was unfair to be left all on your lonesome. You were in hysterics, yelling out incomprehensible nonsense until you felt a hand on shoulder. And stopped.

Mingyu who had waited outside for you to have some privacy with Minghao, barged into the room when he heard shrieks. Seeing you trying to forcibly trying to shake Minghao awake, he darted to your side and tried to calm you down. You swallowed a large gulp, panting heavily as Mingyu helped you up from your seat, letting go of Minghao’s hand in the process.

“Come on, y/n. Let’s get you home.”

You didn’t visit Minghao the next day, and it was the first day you hadn’t seen him since he had been admitted. You took time for yourself, walking around your apartment, to think through every possible outcome, even the chance that you could be raising your daughter alone.

And though it may have ended off in a near nervous breakdown and a 5 hour Skype call with Soonyoung and Mingyu. It managed to put things into perspective and line up everything in as neat a row as possible. Allowing you to amble into the hospital room with a clear mind the next day.

Sitting down in the chair beside his bed like you always do - it had become a routine of yours, you took his hand and held it between both of yours tightly, massaging the back of his palm and his fingers.

“Hao, I’m sorry for my outburst. I miss you.” You started off, saying the things you had consolidated yesterday.

“I guess it’s been hard for me, without my lover and my best friend, to make decisions on my own. I wish you were here

because I mean, we promised to get through this together and -“

You halted, feeling a strong jolt in your abdomen. You’d never felt that before? Heart racing, you tried fathoming what was happening, with a billion jumbled up thoughts rushing through your head, it was nearly impossible to comprehend. Until it happened again. Another jolt, this time lower down. Somehow a circuit closed and the processing light bulb lit up with a ting.

She’s … kicking?

Quickly, you placed Minghao’s palm on the curve of your bump where she was being active and prayed that she would kick again. The doctor always mentioned that stimulation of the main senses could help and what better way to encourage it by using your daughter’s movements.

And she did.

Right where Minghao’s hand was.

“Did you feel that Haohao?” You asked excitedly, elated that he finally was present to experience something. Although always hopeful, you weren’t anticipating a response this time, knowing that he will take his time to comeback to you. Like he always does when you have a major disagreement. He will be back, in his own time. Something you had thought of yesterday and something that will stick by you through this adversity.

Closing your eyes and focusing as she kicked again, you almost missed the the subtle contraction of his fingers as he began to curl it around your belly. Your eyes shot open in disbelief when you detected it, and you tilted your head downwards, watching the slight movement in his hands.

You looked back up to the head of the hospital and noticed the repeated fluttering of his eyelashes as he struggled to open his eyes.

“Minghao?”

You felt the tears gathering in your eyes as with one hand you hastily pressed the button to alert one of the nurses. He murmured something incoherently but it really didn’t matter what he said.

He was finally awake.

You sauntered in the hospital room with a slight waddle - you refused to accept that that was the way you had to walk now, but Minghao found it rather endearing . This time you weren’t met with the same scene that used replay in your head. Instead, he was sitting upright in his bed, with his glasses perched on his nose, scrolling through his phone leisurely. Once he noticed you, he placed his phone on his lap and flashed you a smile.

You made your way to the same seat you always sat in and lowered yourself onto it. Minghao leaned over to peck you on the lips, caressing your cheek gently to pull himself closer to you.

“Good morning y/n” He whispered after he released and then rested his hand on your noticeably larger belly, rubbing it fondly. He had taken a liking to placing his hand there, the feeling of attachment to his daughter was instant from the moment he woke up.

“And how are you doing this morning sweet pea?”

“She was moving all night, I could barely get a wink of sleep.” You whined seeking some sympathy. You put your hand over his and circled his knuckles with the tips of your fingers.

“Already keeping your mum up at night, I see?” He giggled as she punched his hand in response. Love emanated from his gaze as he looked down at the bump, he adored feeling her move. Especially when it was basically a reply to whatever he had just said.

“Well she’s not the only one who’s going to be woken up at night if you continue this way.” He stated hesitantly after the silence had settled.

What?

“The doctors decided to discharge me tomorrow.” He mumbled softly, observing as your jaw dropped and eyes widened in surprise. “I’m coming home. Y/n. We can start setting up the nursery and I can do all the things I promised to do - are you crying?”

You linked your arms around his back and pulled him closer, burying your face into his shoulder and staining his hospital gown with your tears.

“I’m just so happy.” You sobbed as he rubbed your back soothingly, holding you tighter.

“I am too.”