#practical advice

[lacilou]

[sanctity-in-sexuality]

Fair warning, this may be a heavy topic... but do you have any advice or suggested readings for individuals/couples with a history of sexual trauma? Sadly I have experienced past sexual abuse and assault involving both extremely painful penetration and disordered degrading practices. I've been open about this with my boyfriend (who has been nothing but an amazing non-judgmental and comforting listener) and we've discussed that we have both wondered about whether we may need to approach things in a special way once we are married. By the grace of God I'm grateful that my everyday mental health is actually exceptionally good for the severity of my past trauma, but we wonder if entering in a sexual context would dig up old, highly negative feelings. I guess for me it also doesn't feel like something I'd be able to just sort of naturally figure out... I don't want like a graphic gratuitous description but I wish I had a more specific concept of how it "starts happening" because my experience was so abnormal and I have no idea how couples ease into things slowly and safely, and not having any clue is sort of scary. This is a topic that's usually too personal and dark to broadly ask about, but I'd appreciate any guidance beyond general "be loving and patient" advice that applies to everyone... Thanks for reading <3

First off, I am so sorry that you experienced such a nightmare. I would hesitate to even call it sex, and mentally separating the two might help you. It is so wonderful that you're in a supportive place to work through it.

I do not have experience helping others with past sexual trauma, so my advice may not be well-curated to your situation. However, I can give some more broad advice about easing into it (and this doubles for anyone who's anxious about marital sex).

After you've made vows, it's okay to take it slow and wait until you're comfortable to try sex. That might be days, it might be months. It's more common than you'd think.

Sex is incredibly vulnerable. Easing into it is merely taking small steps of vulnerability at a time. Cuddling in pajamas, undressing/dressing where your spouse can see, taking a shower together. Just getting used to seeing each other naked. Then move on to gentle but intimate touches, such as kisses on the neck or thighs. The important thing is to communicate honestly and constantly; tell your spouse immediately if something makes you uncomfortable, if it hurts, or if it feels nice. Ask your spouse to consistently check in with you, too.

In regards to penetration, it honestly depends a lot on how tight the woman is and how large the penis is, but it does tend to hurt a bit at first. This could be triggering for you. A lot of the discomfort is friction. Use lube, trust me (we just use coconut oil). Personally, even 2.5years into marriage, I'm still too tight usually, and we have a practice where my husband very slowly eases into me like 1/2in at a time - then he pauses, lets my body adjust to it, and waits for me to give a go-ahead to continue. There's absolutely no shame if you husband needs to do something similar to make you feel safe and comfortable. And there's no shame if you have to call it quits and try again.

As for how it "starts happening"... Imma be frank, a lot of the times married couples just ask each other. Once you're practiced and established the art, you'll get moments where "one thing leads to another" or whatever, but (a) when you're starting out and don't know the rules/language it's easier to just verbally confirm, and (b) even practiced, it's still sometimes easier to just ask. E.g., "Do you want to make time for sex tonight?", "I'm in the mood, want to take this farther?", or "Let's try penetration now".

Again, the main thing is to communicate. Over-communicate. Tell your spouse ahead of time what your expectations are for having sex the first time (for you, very slow and with an emphasis on gentleness). It may take time before your negative associations with sex as degrading are replaced with positive ones that make you feel cherished. It may not be enjoyable at first while you're learning to overcome that but it should feel safe and comfortable.

I've recommended this before, but I honestly think reading the Song of Songs can be very healing for those struggling with negative associations with sex. It is a really beautiful depiction of how sexual intimacy should be experienced between spouses.

I hope this was helpful, feel free to follow up with any specific questions. God bless!

[theehorsepusssy]

Did you save yourself for marriage horsepussy?

I don't believe in marriage. To me, it's a weird concept. I don't believe in it any religious sense. And as a state sanctioned business arrangement, it seems like a huge hassle just to save a few bucks on taxes and shit. And I really think weddings are fucking scams designed to force people to buy you shit. You should always donate money to homeless charities in the couples name in lieu of gifts. The look on their faces will be priceless.

[queen-o-cups]

I wrote a book on Tarot, and I want to share it with you.

I've been a Tarot reader for over fourteen years, including several years as a professional reader, and I have often been frustrated by the quality of resources on card meanings and theory. So often, the descriptions are brief or difficult to grasp. I decided to finally put what I know into a volume that focuses on practical advice rather than abstract mysticism. I hope that it serves and enriches your practice.

Please share and spread this so that people can develop their work with Tarot and have some real clarity. Best of luck, and happy reading!

[trexalicious]

[carrickbender]

Pro tip: while I understand your day was shitty, I can only help you deshitify your day if you want to help too. Sometimes I wanna give up too, but we can only fix things if we work together.

Vague posting, but I think yall get it...

[swampndn]

I get asked a lot about how I do so much, and sometimes I don't give the honest answer because this morning's honest answer is for my 2 hour meeting at 8am, I was camera off, in bed, and during the largest explaining portion I hooked my phone up to a speaker and took a shower at the same time 🤙🏽

(But also this is for an amazing Native retreat that will start in one person's home community then travel across Turtle Island to all of our home communities. It's amazing!)

[loopiesounds]

“Scratch her eyes out,” Andarna suggests. “Really. The eyes are the softest tissue. Just jab your thumbs in there—” “Andarna! Use some common sense,” Tairn snaps. “The kneecaps are a much easier target.”

[quotesandthat]

An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

[amcarterwrites]

I'm so excited to share my first blog post on Practical Advice on Literary Device for Beginner Writers! I'll post every other Wednesday and hope it helps you drop the shame on your creative writing journey.

[your-average-teenage-mess]

Can Tumblr please stop throwing pornography at my feed??? I have literally never once clicked on it or liked it, I have blocked it every single time it happened, and yet for some fucking reason the algorithm keeps throwing at me, a minor, who came on here to chat about media and mental health and who explicitly blocked out anything with the words "porn" or "nsfw" in the text or tags, and have never once engaged with that type of content through any manner but blocking, pictures of naked trans women with a request to come to their DMs. It's been over a year since I got here and it's getting ridiculous. How do you make it stop?

Edit: literally two minutes after posting this, I got another one. Somebody make it stop please

[melancholic-pigeon]

@ternaryflower53 we've brofisted over how hard it is to food so when I saw this I thought of you immediately 💜

People with low spoons, someone just recommended this cookbook to me, so I thought I'd pass it on.

I always look at cookbooks for people who have no energy/time to do elaborate meal preparations, and roll my eyes. Like, you want me to stay on my feet for long enough to prepare 15 different ingredients from scratch, and use 5 different pots and pans, when I have chronic fatigue and no dishwasher?

These people seem to get it, though. It's very simple in places. It's basically the cookbook for people who think, 'I'm really bored of those same five low-spoons meals I eat, but I can't think of anything else to cook that won't exhaust me'. And it's free!

[2happyherder]

[mohammadismail1]

🔰★☆100 YEARS OLD: ELIXIR FOR A LONG AND HAPPY LIFE☆★🔰

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Real stories

Research findings

Practical advice

QR code links to real places

Narratives

Numerous recipes

Illustrated yoga exercises

Humorous stories

With humility, Stefano Tosti, in collaboration with Hermann Meyer, embarks on a profound and compelling journey to rediscover and reanalyze secrets already known and truths perhaps told by our grandparents.

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[hmdavis02]

Homeschool Advice: Part 5 | Keep the End Game in Mind

Today’s topic is part parenting, part homeschooling, and applicable to both: keeping an eye on the end game. What I mean is this: as you parent and teach, remember the job is to prepare your children to grow into adults who are willing to follow God at all costs; to stand firm on truth even in world hostile to truth and to be able to function long after you have been called home. Parenting for…