#ppl have certain expectations for graduates from my school

[evelili]

What's your college major (if you feel comfortable answering obviously)?

on paper? computer science. tho recently ive been feeling like this image:

[bioethicists]

thank you so much for this!!! so, i'm not sure if you're a U.S student, but having done a semester of grad school now with a lot of students coming from higher ed in the global south, i think part of what you're touching on is a bigger issue in u.s academia (possibly also western europe but i only have thirdhand knowledge of this so i don't want to generalize)

u.s graduate education in the social sciences/humanities is deeply obsessed with bulk. you get assigned so many pages of reading that you are expected to skim it + not understand huge portions. there is an emphasis on shoving as much "canon" into you as possible (or new canon, for more progressive institutions who have their own new, progressive pet theorists). your understanding needs to be there but it can be cursory. it's about achieving familiarity with a wide field as quickly as possible.

papers need to touch on big names or address current popular theory in the field in order to get published. you have to publish to get jobs in academia. everyone bitches about the requirements for papers (including the editors + reviewers???); nobody seems to do anything massive to change it. if it's not peer reviewed, it's considered lesser, so the transformative works of ppl who cannot or will not play this name-dropping, editor bickering game gets delegated to second class info which can be added in so long as you tack on some canon.

in some ways, this experience is meaningful. i do believe that it's valuable to be familiar with current + past conversations in your field because that's how collaboration + new thought happens! but the practice of cramming books down your throat at a lightning pace, then never mentioning them again is not the norm everywhere + not the only way to achieve understanding of canon.

one of my classmates went to law school in india. she had class 2.5 hours per day, at the same time each morning, M-F. they were assigned a list of readings at the beginning of the class + asked to have them read by the end of the semester. class discussions + socializing would prompt students to read certain readings before others, to choose which readings to delve into more, + to help them understand or tackle readings which troubled them.

my point is not "the way they do it in other countries is better so we should do that instead! everything in the west sucks more!". it's just that there are other ways of achieving understanding of canon + generating new thought, but structural realities like paper publishing requirements, vicious competition for limited resources + deadlines on 5 years of poverty-level wages have locked grad programs into endorsing this particular form of learning. things are gained from this, but other things are lost- depth, art, community, pleasure.

the types of people who succeed + the kind of thought can be generated within these systems are limited by their very nature. the thought which is generated when leisure is encouraged, the pace is slow, art + depth are delved into, passion is encouraged, financial security is established + nobody is worried about making that thought marketable to a particular journal or field is very different. we are losing that thought + measuring progress or "rigor" (vom) in academia based on this particular, inaccessible, grueling, passionless, artless way of learning. to use a crude metaphor, it's industrial farming for potential researchers.

when ppl cannot handle this + conclude they're just incapable of engaging with academic thought at all or that something is wrong with them for being unable to keep pace, it makes me so, so sad. there are both old + new ways to learn + produce thought which you would thrive in (even if you are disabled, even if you are "lazy", even if you literally cannot read)+ those are neglected in favor of ones which generate the most financial gain or prestige (which creates financial gain)

i genuinely have no animosity towards ppl who get upset abt not being able to read academic texts + i do think we need to expand the pathways/methods of being exposed to critical concepts so that "sit + read for 2 hours" is not the only option.

however, as someone dx with adhd + incapable of sitting still for even a minute (actually right at this moment i am writing this instead of reading the book sitting open in front of me), i do feel like a lot of ppl do not realize that not all readings are designed to be read like a novel.

as in, it's ok + normal + good to need to reread a paragraph several times, to only read part of a book, to have to research or reference words or concepts in order to grasp the reading, to skip over large chunks of text which are not relevant to your expertise, to continue reading despite not understanding a concept. this is something 'neurotypical' academics do frequently + many of these texts, especially contemporary ones, were designed with this in mind.

there are many ppl with accessibility needs that are not being met by academic texts at this time! many texts (in my humble opinion) are unnecessarily complex in order to show off or hide the fact that they have no idea what they're talking about.

i still feel like many of the kneejerk reactions on this site are based on the assumption that their experience reading academic texts should be similar to their experiences reading a nyt bestseller, rather than a process of thinking, analyzing, researching, processing, returning. some of u are telling yourself that any challenges u face while reading are a result of some internal fault u have + not an expected + precious part of the experience.

[fairycosmos]

So about the college/uni thing, just another person with the "it ain't all its cracked up to be perspective". My experience with school is been pretty complicated because of the pandemic and being an undiagnosed adhd/depressed/anxious person for most of it. HS does not properly prepare students for college, especially when it comes to assuming who is going to need more support or not. Im graduating in spring, on time thankfully, but im absolutely dreading the semester. Every semester besides my first have just killed me and it feels like the worst Rollercoaster ride ever. I can't even get a relevant job to my degree once I graduate since without grad school or a teaching masters addition I have no credentials. I feel fucked over. Still plan on grad school but my timeline is all screwed up now and it'll probably be a While before I can come back with any confidence that its not going to get fucked up. School is not for everyone, and the people at school need to take some responsibility for recognizing and pointing out students who are Obviously Struggling or point them to resources. The system is made to be the worst.

you are a complete star for pulling through and managing to get to this point in ur education, seriously! im so sorry it's all been so difficult for you, and i totally agree that the educative system is set up to completely demoralise neurodivergent/struggling kids from the very beginning. it's awful, and so is the expectation that going to college is a requirement and a rite of passage despite it's inaccessibility and incompatibly with certain demographics. plus like you said, so many ppl get scammed and end up having to get even more schooling on top of that just to make their degree useable - how is that at all fair or practical lmfao, it's completely ridiculous. so much time and money that i'd never have. i felt kind of crazy for not wanting to go to university and pointing out all the issues you mentioned, only for everyone around me to act like i was being crazy and a total disappointment. like these are valid concerns? anyway, i'm infinitely proud of you and i'm wishing you the best of luck for this semester, and for moments of peace to find you when you need them. ur on the home stretch now, and you'v got so much to take pride in! sending love. <3

[iwasuki]

it was all a misunderstanding: shinsou x f!reader (not finished!)

The flight back to Musutaf was peaceful, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t nervous. This was your last year at UA, graduating and moving into adulthood. It’s a lot to take in but you don’t have time to worry about the future right now. Your main focus is on this year. This is that last year meaning you’ll be given more work, a lot more responsibility than before. Everyone around you has high expectations, you’re the next generation of heroes… it’s expected.

Sighing as you look out the cabs window. Part of you was ecstatic on being back, you get to see all those beautiful faces that belonged to your friends. Another part of you wasn’t, coming back meant you were going to have to share the same space as Shinso Hitoshi. That wasn’t something you were looking forward to.

“And here we are!” The driver announced with a smile as he parked the cab in front of the school. Starting out a small smile started to grow “thank you!” you bowed your head as you paid the driver. Luckily you didn’t have that much luggage, as you made your way to the dorms every single memory from the past two years started to rush in. You started laughing remembering all those times you and denki would run around the halls acting stupid or when you and mina would do your best to tick off jiro. “Feels great to be back” you whispered to yourself as you recalled all the great times you’ve had here.

Being a transfer student wasn’t easy at the beginning, there were few people who accepted you. You’d come to think that everyone would be welcoming right? See that wasn’t the case at all. It’s like everywhere you turned someone always had their eyes on you, whispering among themselves. It wasn’t until Denki came up to you with that cheesy grin of his, he was the one who made you feel normal, made you feel comfortable. Slowly Jiro and Mina came in next, they were like the sisters you’ve never had. Let’s not forget that beautiful ball of sunshine who is Deku. He was super hesitant to even look at you but he eventually got the courage to talk to you. He was always there encouraging you to do your best or asking you about your quirk.

During your first year you met a certain boy who just swept you off your feet, it wasn’t necessarily love at first sight but whenever you were around him everything felt okay, it felt right. Nothing romantic happened between the two of you but the feelings were there. But then things changed, he stopped coming around during lunch, he stopped talking to you and went as far to start some nasty rumors about you. This hurt a lot, you felt embarrassed for yourself, for letting your walls down. This wasn’t going to affect you of course, you pushed past it and focused on yourself and your training.

As you opened the doors to Heights Alliance you were greeted by all of your classmates. Since you were the only one that left the country they arrived here a day before you. Before you could even close the door you were tackled down by both Denki and Mina, laughs leaving one another. “Y/n!!! YOU’RE BACK!! Oh how I missed youuuu!” Mina let out as she pecked your face, scrunching your face “ugh minaaa s-stop” this was nice, it really was.

a/n: heyyy guyss it’s been a while ehehe, but I just wanted to posting this story and see if you guys would be interested in it?? It’s obviously not finished but I just wanna see where ppl stand with it. This was originally one of my smau’s but I gradually grew tried in getting the texts ready so I decided to just ... write it out lolz

[dreamwithoutreason]

Really need people to understand that there is a difference between your diagnosis being stigmatized (what usually happens with mental illness) and your diagnosis resulting in you being subjected to ableism (disability) because those two things are a bit different and the distinction is important.

I want to start by saying that I am in no way attempting to minimize the struggles that mentally ill people face. I am mentally ill and have depression, anxiety, and ADHD as well as a physical disability, Cerebral Palsy. The line between the struggles of people with mental illnesses and the struggles of disabled people is thin but there is still a line. I just want to highlight some of the ways that disabled people are especially discriminated against in a world built and run by abled people and how that can be different from how mental ill people experience alienation or stigmatization. These differences are also why I think that comparing a mental illness to a disability can be problematic. I am, however, also aware that there is overlap and that some diagnoses can be considered to have a foot in both arenas, this is in no way meant to be a hard and fast rule. I also don't claim to speak for the entire disabled community but a lot of the things under the ableism list are things that I've experienced myself which is the place that this post is coming from. I want people to realize that ableism is more than stigmatization and that it is engrained in the world that we live in.

Stigmatization comes from people misunderstanding your illness and how seriously it can impact you and your life. I would consider stigmatization to be things like:

People using your diagnosis as an insult or joke, further stigmatizing it. Ex: When ppl say things like "I'm so ocd" or "I'm so bipolar"

People ignoring your symptoms or attributing your symptoms to your character. For example, instead of recognizing the symptoms of your illness like executive dysfunction, someone might just call you lazy.

General lack of understanding or sympathy towards mentally ill people

Lack of accurate representations of mental illnesses in media. Most of the time the character with the mental illness is made to be the villain or antagonist. Once again, very stigmatizing and gross.

Also, for both mentally ill and disabled people it can sometimes be difficult or expensive to get the right medications you need.

Examples of everyday ableism and systematic ableism that's ingrained in our society which particularly affects disabled people include:

Someone using derogatory language to belittle and degrade your existence as a person. It positions you as less than. Can often be a targetted, direct attack at a disabled person. Ex: the r slur, words like "cripple", and using "deaf", "blind", or "disabled" as insults.

Mocking the way someone walks, moves, speaks, or exists as a disabled person.

No one taking you seriously because you are disabled/being subjected to infantilization. People assuming that you can't do anything for yourself.

Able-bodied people assuming the needs of a disabled person without asking them. Often this comes from a place of trying to be helpful but make sure you always ask what you can do to accommodate someone before assuming what they might need help with because it can be infantilizing

Example: I've had a lot of people assume that I need help putting on a jacket or getting my shoes on so they automatically start helping me with it and they basically end up treating me like a child because they assume that I can't do something.

People touching you or your equipment or mobility aids without your consent. Mobility aids can be like extensions of our body so do not touch them without our permission. This urge to violate a disabled person's space comes from the subconscious assumption that disabled people don't have their own autonomy.

Example: many times when I was a full-time wheelchair user people would come up behind me and just start pushing my wheelchair without asking or saying anything. Their intention was to help me get where I was going but it was very jarring to suddenly start being pushed without asking.

Being denied a job because you are disabled.

Job applications including physical ability requirements for non-physical or desk jobs to discourage disabled people from applying. Ex: "must be able to lift [x amount] of pounds"

Being denied the accommodations you need to be able to function in a school/work/home/other environment.

Lack of captions or audio descriptions

Being expected to work and move at the same pace as your peers all of the time.

Constantly feeling the need to "prove" yourself to the abled majority.

The idea that being abled is the ideal and that you need to do everything in your power to try to be as close to abled as possible. The idea that you shouldn't be comfortable with your disability. The notion that being disabled cannot be a whole or fulfilling identity.

A good example of this that people don't often think about are the viral videos that are like "Sally worked for months so that she could [struggle] to walk down the aisle at her wedding! Isn't that sweet?" Or the videos of kids feeling pressured to walk across the stage at graduation. These videos imply that struggling to perform ability is somehow better than being comfortably disabled.

The idea that disabled people can't be desirable, attractive, or sexy. The idea that they don't make good romantic partners.

Using disabled people as inspiration porn. This happens a lot with viral videos of disabled people where the comments amount to "if they can live with a disability, then you have no reason to complain about your life!" Disabled people do not exist to inspire you.

Also another personal example but one time in gym class I did more push ups than a girl who was able-bodied so she got all defensive and said "well if she can do that many then I'm gonna do more!" Like girl.... anyways...

Having to jump through a million hoops to get disability benefits. Or being denied disability benefits for arbitrary reasons.

Also once you get disability benefits it's barely anything. Also when you're on benefits you're not allowed to save up money and if you get married you lose benefits. I could make a whole other post about how disabled people are expected to live off of nothing but...

MOBILITY AIDS ARE SO EXPENSIVE HOLY SHIT

The world was built by and for able-bodied people. Architectural/environmental ableism occurs when there are no ramps, no accessible bathroom stalls, no elevators, no disability parking spaces, and/or no space for wheelchairs/mobility aids in public places.

This also happens a lot with public transportation. When I tried using the metro with my friends in DC, I had to have a security guard help me get down the escalator because there wasn't an elevator nearby. Right before I got on it, I saw a man force his wheelchair onto the escalator.

A smaller example but it can be as small as there not being a sidewalk ramp. One time I couldn't even cross the street because there was no sidewalk ramp and I was in a wheelchair. Once again, the world was built by able-bodied people.

Eco-ableism. It's when disabled people aren't considered when it comes to environmental activism. The best example of this is the straw debacle that happened last year. Every abled person and their mama wanted to complete ban plastic straws without acknowledging that a lot of disabled people need to use blendable, flexible plastic straws.

Another example that I've witnessed myself has been with automatic doors. I've had to tear down signs at my university that were put on automatic doors that said "save a polar bear, use the other door". Stop blaming disabled people's survival for environmental issues and blame big corporations.

Almost a complete lack of disability representation in media. Disabled kids don't have many people who they can look up to. I know I didn't have any.

The ableism that comes from abled parents of a disabled child.

For years I was told inaccurate information about my disability by able-bodied people, including my mother. It was only when I started researching my disability myself that I actually began to understand it.

Related to the previous point, lack of information or knowledge about certain disabilities

People assuming that just because someone is in a wheelchair that they can't move their legs or walk. This feeds into the idea that disabled people are "faking" their disability. The idea that someone is "faking" can lead people to be attacked or have people tell them that they don't "deserve" things like benefits or parking spaces.

People who straight up pretend they don't see us. I've had so many people try to cut me in line over the years just because they didn't think I would say anything or wanted to pretend they didn't see me.

I have friends who have delayed speech as part of their disability. If you know someone who has delayed speech or a stutter, don't fucking cut them off or try to finish their sentences for them. It's super rude and disrespectful.

DON'T FUCKING SAY THE R WORD. DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT EVEN IF YOU ARE DISABLED! THE R WORD IS SO ABLEIST AND STIGMATIZING STOP SAYING IT! DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR WRITING EITHER!

Lastly, about half of people killed by police have some sort of disability or mental illness. Disability is intersectional and it's important when talking about things like the BLM movement, women's rights, lgbtq+ rights, etc.

Hope this helped you learn something about ableism and how prevalent it is!

[d-l-landcaslil]

My opinion on why is Endeavor’s redemption arc valid

I’ve been thinking about writing something like this for a while, but somehow I never did. But now I’m just going to ramble to cope with the anxiety the latest chapter gave me hhhh

So a lot of Endeavor stans get the question, why don’t we hate him, and I think this is a valid question (as long as you don’t attack us immediately and assume that we support all the wrong thing he’s done!). And I’m not here to convince anyone to like Endeavor. You can hate him, he deserved it. Just please don’t wish for his death in the current arc of the manga because if that happens everyone is fucked you don’t want that and also it hurts This for those who actually ask this question because they’re interested in the answer.

So here’s the thing. First of all I think he’s an amazing hero. Let’s not forget that he has the most solved cases ever, which means even more than All Might! He saved thousands of people. And his skills are just hella amazing, he is competent in almost all types of combat, and while AM gains his physical strength from his quirk, Enji’s quirk itself doesn’t provide it, it probably took him a lot of heavy training to get there. Sidenote for this he is hot af and can step on me any day and I’ll thank him.   Of course his heroic actions are no excuse for the abuse he did, but in my opinion the abuse he did does not diminish his merits as hero either. I admit this is arguable, but these are my views even on irl people of similar kind. 

So yes, I admit, as a person, he is extremely problematic, he abused his family, and it’s not something to be overlooked. But also his character is amazingly written. I think his backstory is one of those elements in the story, that tries to bring attention to the problems with the hero society. And boi, there’s a lot to unpack there. Firstly, what he represents is sadly common in real life too: that people (especially men) serving at the police, in the army, etc are abusing their power this way and getting away with it because of their rank. But not only this. This leads to even more complex problems within the entire hero community. And this is the rivalry between heroes and the toxic masculinity in the hero community. Now I’m not the one to quickly agree with Stain, because I’m fed up with the cliché of heroes having to be fully selfless (it’s their job and they need to eat and pay rent bruh) and that the whole system is corrupt BUT the fact that the hero ranking exists and forces the heroes to compete with each other is so wrong on so many levels. And of course there are certain heroes who can actually let this go and only focus on the job itself (e.g. Hawks), but there is a lot of pressure on everyone and not all of them can escape it. Don’t tell me it’s normal that Kiri had an inferiority complex for years bc he was too scared to attack a villain three times his size in 4th grade of middle school

And I think a lot depends on the family background. Notice, how the students/heroes who are not coming from a hero family or a family that expected the to become heroes (Deku, Uraraka, etc.) are way more chill about the whole thing, because they parents are proud of them af whatever little heroic thing they do. When it comes to Enji, we don’t know anything about his parents/family background but I have a really strong feeling that he was pressured into the marriage with Rei and into always being the best. Here’s why. We know that Fuyumi is 23 and there’s ~three years between the kids (bc that’s when the quirks appear) so Toya is probably 26. Enji is 46, so he was 20 when they had Toya. So he got married even before he became 20. Now don’t tell me a 19-20 yo young man, who has just graduated from UA (probably with flying colors) and already aims to be nr1 would decide to get married and have kids - even if he’s madly in love, nevermind out of convenience. (And even if he was in love with Rei /but he wasn’t/ and wanted to marry her, any descent parents would have stopped him.) Yes, he probably agreed, because he felt like that preserving and passing down his quirk is important, and that he himself is not enough to be the best and he needs a descendant who can do the job for the family reputation if he fails. Of course it’s all just assumption but DON’T TELL ME THAT THIS ALL WOULD HAVE HAPPENED if he just had A SUPPORTIVE FAMILY TO TELL HIM THAT HE IS A GREAT HERO AS HE IS AND HE DOESN’T NEED TO COMPARE HIMSELF TO OTHERS. NO, THEY DIDN’T TELL HIM THAT. Instead they used their money and power to arrange a quirk-marriage and set him up to be a husband and father while still struggling to become nr1. Now add this to Enji’s inherently grumpy, quick, aggressive temper, take away from him the chance to properly socialize with ppl of his age - and you get the textbook abusive man who brought the bad patterns from the family, added his own frustration and took it all out on his family he never really wanted. He might be an inherently bad tempered person. But no-one is born the way he is now. He could have unlearned a lot of it if the expectations of the hero society hadn’t fucked him up at a young age.

But he did what he did and there’s no excuse for that so let’s see why his redemption is still valid in my opinion. Also it’s more explicit manga spoilers from here (basically he talks about his future plans for his fam in the manga and I’m going to talk about it in detail). 

So what many abusers would probably do is to start acting kindly and try to win back their partner/family by promising to change again and again. But Endeavor doesn’t do that. Not only is he willing to stay away from them, but it’s him who stays in their old house and he’s planning to build a whole new house where the kids and Rei, who he wants to get out of the hospital he put her into (!) can live. without him. I had someone who told me they think he wants to be reunited later and he just gives them time but there’s no proof of this and it’s still not that bad. So yes, he admits that him staying away from them is the solution AND he uses his money and power to fix the situation as much as he can. Of course there are a lot of things he can never fix and my stomach still clutches when I watch his past in se2 but HE HAS LEARNED THE LESSON, HE ADMITTED HE FUCKED UP AND HE’S WORKING TO FIX IT AS MUCH AS HE CAN. And I can’t help to cheer for him to able to do that, because that’s the only outcome that’s good for everyone. 

Besides that, the scene where he tells Shoto he will do everything to make him proud and be the hero he can look up to always makes me cry  shows how he admits his mistakes too. He takes the things he said to Shoto, the expectations he raised towards him and admits that he himself haven’t fulfilled those expectations, so he needs to do that in order for Shoto to accept him. So he basically reversed the roles, he reversed the order of power, and he applies what he abused Shoto with to himself, but this time in a non-toxic way. Also, in the Endeavor agency arc we already see how he has a different attitude towards Shoto as his student. One more thing: you can see in that scene and also several times in the manga how he feels like shit when the kids are ignoring or confronting him. And even I think he deserves all of it, BUT this again proves THAT HE. HAS. LEARNED. HIS. LESSON. Yes, he was extremely abusive. No, it cannot be forgiven. But he basically admitted that he was one, got out of the life of those who were affected, tries to change and supports them from the distance. That’s the best he can still to in this fucked up situation. 

And as I witnessed his journey so far, I couldn’t help to start liking him. I cheer for him, I hope he can really change, I’m always excited to see him in action, and I’m really worried about him in the current situation. I think there’s way more potential in him than it was shown in the beginning. I hated him first too. But somehow he became my favorite pro hero and one of my favorite characters overall. 

This is the answer. If you read all this rambling you deserve a medal. 

A closing thought: I think it’s understandable that everyone reacts to Endeavor differently. He is the type of character who divides even the canon characters nevermind the fandom. It’s really interesting to see how all his kids react to him differently, and how they basically represent types of the ppl’s attitudes in the fandom. I realized I’m the Fuyumi type. But of course all are valid. But Dabi types please please let us mourn in peace if the thing happens QwQ 

[colourful-void]

SHSL Hope’s Peak AU Labs

I spent hours on this please look at it

Because this is my AU and I do what I want, Hope’s Peak Academy has labs! However, due to number of students at Hope’s Peak, they have to share. Each student is assigned to a lab once they’re enrolled, and they spend most of their time there. Some labs (SHSL Zoology Lab) are open for everyone to see, and others (SHSL Fighters Lab) are not. 

Some students (Himiko, Ryota) spend more time in other people’s labs than their own, or choose other labs as ‘theirs’ even though they’re technically assigned to a certain lab. The staff doesn’t really care as long as they’re developing their talents and stuff. 

(I put the graduated class and teachers separately, at the bottom)

There are 12 main labs, as well as some assorted groups of people, and those who don’t have labs. These labs are:

- SHSL Technology Lab - SHSL Leadership Lab - SHSL Entertainers Lab - SHSL Fighters Lab - SHSL Zoology Lab - SHSL Athletic Lab - SHSL Costume Lab - SHSL Detective Lab - SHSL Magicks Lab - SHSL Luck Lab - SHSL Creativity Lab - SHSL Science Lab

Ive got lots of details on each lab, but its long, so ill put it under the cut. (names that are in brackets mean that the character is either not officially part of the lab, or doesn’t really spend time there despite being part of the lab)

Ultimate Technology Lab: Chihiro, Miu, Kiibo, Souda, Chiaki. (Ryota)

The room is very industrial, pipes in the ceiling, cement floor, grey brick walls, florescent lighting.

It's a huge mess.

Theres wires everywhere, all across the floor with basically no organization.

A big shelf of scrap parts, metal, oil, mainly stuff for Miu and Souda to work with.

One corner is semi closed off and has a dozen screens. Thats where Chiaki and Chihiro go. Chiaki has every game system in that corner.

The screen corner has a carpet, pillows and beanbags. Also a gaming chair that only Chiaki is allowed to sit in.

Kiibo likes to chat with Alter Ego.

They stuck a few cots in there because someone always ends up asleep while working on a program or invention or something, so they get tossed onto the bed.

Ryota isn’t part of this lab, but spends a surprising amount of time there with Chiaki and Chihiro, so they set up a table for him in the screen corner with a drawing tablet.

He cries when he finds out, and hangs around there much more often afterwords.

All together, everyone in the tech lab is really close to each other, they get along great, and sometimes work on big group projects.

Ultimate Leadership Lab: Kokichi, Sonia, Fuyuhiko, Byakuya. (Mondo, Taka, and Nekomaru)

The leaders lab is the most complicated

There are a total 7 students who were catagorized as leaders by hopes peak staff. They aren’t all comdapiable with each other, and they find that out pretty quick.

So they split up.

Mondo and Taka went together because they’re dating, and Nekomaru went to the Athletic Lab.

The lab isn’t really a lab, more of a meeting room. There’s a big table in the centre that everyone sits at. 

One wall is a touch screen

One wall is a white board

One is a blackboard

And one is a corkboard 

Sonia sits in front of the cork board, Kokichi sits in front of the white board, Fuyuhiko sits in front of the blackboard, and Byakuya gets the touch screen

They share the walls, but each of them mainly uses the one they sit in front of.

The room is used by the student council to plan meetings, but the main 4 who use the leaders lab pretty much *are* the student council.

Meetings with the entire student body are held in the entertainers lab since it has a stage and enough seating for everyone.

Cork board has pictures of everyone taken by Koizumi, schedule for the school, a few other things Sonia likes to hang there, like letters from her family. it’s lined with LED lights.

White board is 90% doodles by Kokichi, and whoever came in there. There’s also a few stray magnets.

Blackboard has notes on students, mainly to make sure ppl are turning in homework, or not getting bullied/being bullies.

The touchscreen is synced to Byakuya’s laptop. School files are kept on there.

Lighting is on a Slider so can be dim/low for the touch screen. Also Kokichi just likes the lighting darker.

Kokichi makes Sonia an honorary member of dice and Sonia is thrilled by this fact

Sonia is the most sociable so she handles most of the students problems, Byakuya schedules and talks to the staff, Fuyuhiko deals with the underground stuff and the general student body, Kokichi is comic relief and makes sure the actual council doesn’t keel over dead from overworking.

Sonia is always first to arrive, being 13 minutes early to every occasion.

They have meetings regularly.

Altogether, they get along well, not as well as the tech lab but pretty good! No one really expected them to get along as well at they do. Since they’re all focused on the common goal of leading the student body, they work together, and they balance each other out pretty nicely. 

(Mondo and Taka)

They couldn’t convince the school to give them another lab

They hang out in Mondo’s dorm room.

They don’t do anything.

Taka however help Fuyuhiko with a lot of his policing, and spends a bunch of time in the halls helping people get to class and directing visitors and stuff.

Taka joins the student council for meetings sometimes, they have an extra chair for him.

He spends more time in the halls than planning so he doesn’t really need a lab.

Mondo and Taka are dating, so they get along great.

Ultimate Entertainers Lab: Sayaka, Ibuki, Kaede, Hiyoko, (Himiko)

Himiko was invited, but because she does real magic, she preferred to set up camp in the magick’s lab

The room is basically the music room from THH

There’s a decent amount of instruments and a grand piano on the stage.

How they move the piano back and forth no one knows.

They have a whiteboard with the number of days since Hiyoko has said something mean and gotten kicked out.

That number has never gone over 2

Microphones, a nice light system, very velvety curtains

Nice chairs to watch as well

Backstage is a mess of props and set.

School plays are put on in this lab, and meetings with the whole student body

they also have a projector and do movie nights during spring and winter break, or on weekends!

The entertainers get along pretty well, except Hiyoko. They like to show off their music to each other and play songs together. Sometime they watch Hiyoko dance if she’s being nice.

Ultimate Fighters Lab: Tenko, Peko, Maki, Sakura, Mukuro

Its a BIG room

Theres a whole rack of swords

A bunch of weights

A bunch of guns, locked in a glass case that only Maki and Mukuro have a key too

Knives cupboard, also behind lock and key

The entire room is under lock and key

Theres replica/training versions of each weapon

Luckily no one in the room would share their key, and stealing their key is a BAD idea

Theres a large mat area in the centre

Its got a circle in the middle

They have a first aid kit

Theres a lot of mats

You’d think things would go wrong, but everyone is really nice and loves each other and such

Sometimes they invite other people to work out and such

But its mainly just them

Maki and Mukuro spar together and bond over murder. Peko and Sakura spar together and bond over honour. Tenko vows to protect them all as her blood sisters, and all of them thank her for it despite not needing her help.

They all get along amazingly and are amazing and badass, I love them.

Ultimate Zoology Lab: Gonta, Gundham

Anyone can enter the room during visiting hours

When you enter, its a sitting room with lots of books and chairs and such.

All the animals and bugs are kept in a backroom with the food. Only Gundham and Gonta and whoever they allow are allowed back there.

Gundham doesn’t like to keep animals locked up because ‘wild beast spirits are weakened by the dangerous walls of this academy’

Lots of animal food, research on how to take care of animals, books and things

There are a few animals in there and some bugs, but theres more research then actual animals.

Bunnies, the deva’s stay there sometimes, but rarely cause Gundham gets sad without them, only when they get sick or something.

Theres a patch of grass in there for the animals that eat grass

Its a nice calming place

Lots of animals

Gundham has a therapy dog in there that students can go pet.

Lighting is on a cycle that follows the sun, since thats best for the animals 

Gundam brings animals into the sitting room for people to pet (like the therapy dog)

Gonta and Gundham get along really good, they bond over people not understanding them sometimes, and their love of animals. It’s very sweet.

Ultimate Athletic Lab: Aoi, Leon, Hoshi, Akane, (Nekomaru)

Hopes Peak cycles out the equipment depending on the students there that year.

Aoi uses the swimming pool, so its just weights for her and other various training things.

Also a batting cage, mini tennis court, balance beam and rings.

Its a large room.

They also have mats like the fighters.

Altogether, they just do their own things, not really talking to each other. 

Ultimate Costume Lab: Junko, Tsumugi, Imposter

Its a really big closet.

A third is replica clothing of other people, a third is costumes, and a third is high fashion

They have to mark things really carefully so Tsumugi doesn’t get mixed up with Imposters stuff

Hifumi hangs around to look at Tsumugi’s costumes. Junko kicks him out a lot.

Theres also a bunch of fabrics and matierials, and a big desk for sewing and such.

Floor length mirrors, one of those thats like 3 mirrors so you can see yourself from every angle.

They don’t really get along... Tsumugi admires Junko a bunch, and Junko doesn’t like anyone. Imposter uses it for storage, and doesn’t spend much time there. 

Ultimate Detective Lab: Kyouko, Shuuichi

Literally just the lab from V3

But with the yearbooks for hopes peak

And a computer linked to the hope’s peak database.

Theres not a lot to add here.

But Kyouko and Shuuichi are very close, and help each other out and I must mention that.

Ultimate Magicks Lab: Hagakure, Himiko 

Himiko left the entertainers lab and came here to do real magic.

No one is sure what happens in there

Theres props everywhere

And crystals, and various fourtune telling devices

They both have mini booths where they can perform magic and read the future, respectively.

dim lighting, likely string lights or something

They have a fog machine

They have broken it several times

Hagakure takes Himiko in as his little sister and its really sweet. They get along good.

Ultimate Luck Lab: Makoto, Komaeda, and Hajime

A glorified, bulletproof, fireproof, and bomb proof break room. Also a panic room.

Hajime isn’t a strictly a lucky student, but they had no where else to put em so they stuck him with the lucky students. He wanted to be there anyway.

They have a pool table.

None of them know how to play pool.

Well Hajime does, but he doesn’t want to.

They just kinda sit there a lot of the time.

Makoto walks in to see Komaeda and Hajime kissing on the couch and gets really flustered, but it just keeps happening and eventually he gets used to it.

Theres some school books and bean bags in there.

At one point they get a console from Chiaki and play some games.

Nagito’s luck breaks it.

Basically a classroom without any desks.

The three of them get along well! Nagito and Hajime are dating, so Makoto is a bit left out, but the they do some stuff together.

Ultimate Creativity Lab: Koizumi, Angie, Hifumi, Ryota, Touko

The most chaotic lab.

Koizumi uses it for storage and nothing else. There is a little side room she uses as a dark room, but beyond that she hates being in there.

Hifumi had some of his things in there but Koizumi made him take them out for ‘pubic decency’

Its just his drawing tablet now, with a strong password on it.

Ryota has his drawing tablet too

Sometimes they talk, but not for long because Hifumi makes Ryota nervous.

Angie uses the space the most, as she doesn’t fear death and doesn’t care what anyone else does so long as she can paint and things.

It loos basically like v3 but with what I described and mixed with the art room from 1.

Touko has a desk in the corner and she does not use it. 

They really don't get along well. No one likes Hifumi, everyone dislikes Touko, Koizumi doesn’t wanna deal with anyone’s bull, Ryota is nervous all the times and these people make it worse so he goes to the tech labs since he’s friends with Chihiro. 

Everyone really likes Angie though. Well not Touko, but Angie either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

Most of them work in their own rooms and are happy to use the room for storage and let Angie take the space.

Ultimate Sciences Lab: Kaito, Rantaro, Korekiyo

Its actually pretty organized.

Theres a globe, a large map, a travel book, a cork board for Rantaro.

A library full of books on anthropology

Star maps, space stuff

The ceiling is dark, but always has a projection of the night sky that reflects the current position of the stars from where they stand.

They have a bunch of nice comfy chairs

Kaito would spend more time in the gym or pool if he wanted to train, since this lab is more focused on research.

Low lighting, mainly candles. 

There’s books for sciences that aren’t Kaito, Rantaro, or Korekiyo’s speciality, sometimes people use them for research. 

The detectives come in for research sometimes.

The three of them get along pretty well actually, it’s very nice. They’re close to each other in a unique way, and talk to each other about their problems and things. Very nice.

People who don’t really have a lab:

Celeste: Hangs around the Rec Room. She smuggled in better things to gamble with.

Kirumi: Takes students requests and goes around the school to fulfill them.

Mikan: Works in the Nurse’s Office, taking care of students who get hurt.

Teruteru: Works in the Kitchen, making whatever food he wants and sometimes meals for students who come in asking for food.

Syo: Isn’t allowed a lab.

Graduated Classes:

Daisaku: was in the zoology lab with Gundham. they got along alright, though not as well as Gundham and Gonta.

Ruruka: was in the kitchen, with Teruteru. they did not get along. 

Sonosuke: wasn’t really a lab kind of guy. assigned to the tech lab, but didn’t really mesh well with everyone else in there so just didn’t go in. he had a little place to do his smithing off campus.

Seiko: worked in the nurses office with Mikan. they were close, but quiet. Seiko kind of saw Mikan as a little sister.

Teachers and Staff:

None of the teachers have a lab, but they do supervise some.

Chisa teaches her class as normal

Munakata watches the student council 

Sakakura watches the fighters and athletes

all of them are extremely proud of their students and would kill for them.

Elementary School Division:

The elementary school doesn’t have labs. However, I feel like this is a good time to mention that Hope’s Peak elementary does take volunteers, and Komaru spends most of her time volunteering at the elementary there. 

And I think that covers everything!

I think I've missed a few people, and im not sure where to sort *anyone* from zero, seriously it is very confusing. If there’s anyone I missed you want me to put in lemme know. (also this took hours so please reblog)

and like, thank you to anyone who read through this monster of a post.

[queerplatonic-sculder]

idk how to properly put this in words but i really hate the way teens are portrayed in media. like, constantly being in relationships/having sex, drinking/doing drugs, partying, going straight to college after graduating high school, etc. idk i feel like it sets an unrealistic portrayal or expection. (that last thing i listed is probably just me projecting my insecurities tho)

but tbh this hatred i have for this could just be bc of my own insecurities about not having done these things. (tbh it's mostly the having not had a relationship/sex i'm most insecure about, also the not going straight to college after graduating) also i have no idea if it is actually unrealistic or not. i was homeschooled my whole life and around my teen years is when i fell away from my friend group and even tho i knew some ppl and was sometimes invited to things, it wasn't frequent enough that i'd know about these things. like, idk what was going on among ppl my age then except the very few things i knew about them.

anyways basically sometimes i feel like i "wasted" my teen years and i feel behind on certain things in life and the way teens (sometimes even ppl in their early 20s) are portrayed makes me feel bad cause my teen years weren't really like that. like, nowadays it makes me feel so bad that i can barely watch anything like this without feeling shitty and wanting to turn it off.

this is probably stupid af tho, like why do i get so upset over this

[whoviandoodler]

Thanks for not being negative on my post, it was a 2am rant that i didnt intend to be read by anyone but those who themselves werent too happy w the book, so im glad that you heeded the warning (also, dont ever apologize for ur language skills when its not ur first lang, if someone picks at it they're being an asshole (it seems great, but im an english major who has a lot of Opinions abt the hegemony of english and the assumption that knowing english perfectly is some kind of bare minimum, so it saddens me when i see other non-native english speakers apologize unnecessarily- own the fact you know more than one language and never apologize for how well or badly you know your 2nd, 3rd, whatever; the people who matter will be glad you know at least some of their language and have put in an effort to communicate with them, and entitled assholes dont deserve attention))

That aside, I have a pretty bad case of post-exams woozy brain, so i hope my reply will be coherent, and i hope it doesnt sound rude, i dont mean it that way, im just giving my perspective. I mainly want to explain that while yes, calling someone queer solely for being flamboyant is stereotyping (dandies are, i suppose, the main argument that comes to mind lol, lots of them were straight and a lot of ppl in history acting in ways we would consider flamboyant now werent seen as queer then), a lot of queer culture is using stereotypes and assumptions to be visible- think if u see someone with blue hair and large earrings; yes, they might well be cishet, but i will assume they are one of ours, and ill give them a compliment that they, if they are indeed queer, will read as recognition.

Especially considering a history of queerness needing to be hidden and only being expressed through signals that other queer people will understand- languages like polari in britain, the handkerchiefs you'd put in your back pockets, saying someone does or doesnt speak latin in some english schools. And some signals are more well-known and have been a more visible signal throughout ages- men with higher voices, who were 'vain', who dressed a certain way-, and were used to queer code characters when they weren't allowed to be canonically queer. Think ryan from hsm- hes flamboyant, and he loves theater, and ashton cucher or whatever that guy's name is; yes, these are stereotypical traits of a queer man, but its those traits that helped 'those who know know' see themselves on screen, and they were purposefully implemented by the writers for that sspecific purpose.

My point is, yes, howl is flamboyant, and yes, flamboyancy is a part of why i read him as queer. He's the definition of a poor little meow meow, he has a college degree, he loves his earring and his hair and his suits and spends exorbitant amounts of money to make things beautiful. He also has ADHD, and the link between neurodivergency and queerness is another thing added to the list (and you could say much the same thing for him being nd- am i allowed to say he's nd bcs his house is a mess and he knows exactly where he put what and if u move it he wont be able to find it? and bcs hes an overthinker and anxious and has to lie to himself in order to get things done? none of these things mean he's nd, but i see my experiences and the experiences of my nd friends in him, and i hence identify him as such bcs he as a character cannot be consulted on his opinions- he exists not as a person, but a mix of traits that can be interpreted in dif ways) . He doesn't want to be a part of the mainstream, he doesnt want to do things other expect him to do. I see part of queer culture in him, and i compile them all unconsciously and read him as queer- a flamboyant university graduate with no real wish in life but to be free of capitalism and pursue his dreams? i'm going to filter that thru my experiences and knowledge, and im going to read him as queer.

I had certain expectations of the narrative, and I didnt get them from it, and i'm so jaded to the stories that end in marriage as the happy ending and have aspects of the kind of romance depicted in the book that i honestly dont believe that ill read it again, or that id have a dif experience if i did. I did come into it expecting a dif thing to the movie, and it wasn't the lack of kisses that discouraged me from getting engaged with their relationship, or that it was different and more real (as i said, they had teeth in the book, which id hoped coming into it since char flaws are what adds depth to a story and more interestingly moves it forward), it was the fact that a relationship made of arguing and snippets of attraction and peace ending in marriage and procreation has never appealed to me either irl or in stories, and tho not exclusive to cishet relationships, it is something that's seen as worth striving towards in some parts of that culture.

It was admittedly my fault that I hadn't checked the date of the book before id read it, and that i expected something of that book that it simply wasnt meant to be, pulled by the queer atmosphere of the movie (i cant fully describe to u how much that movie means to queer people in my circles, and how much we relate to it and see ourselves in it, either bcs howl is gender envy incarnate and has bisexuality vibes thru the roof (i have a bi trans friend who is, essentially, howl), or bcs the vague magical atmosphere of it is inviting).

With that all said, i want to add a disclaimer that ure free to read the book as u like, and to see the characters as you like. The beauty of stories is that we all experience them differently, and i'm not going to knock your interpretation of it any more than i will my own; i will, however, contest the idea that reading a character as queer bcs they embody certain stereotypes of queerness is incorrect and somehow harmful or shallow.

I have and will go on to read a number of books written in times and places where queer rep wasn't and isn't allowed, or is/was stigmatized enough to be avoided outright, and reading those kinds of books with the fear of seeing a character as queer bcs they embody queer stereotypes but havent outright said it is a disservice both to myself and the author's potential intentions.

It's important to remember that chars arent real, living people, and that labeling them as queer or not queer based on what they do and dont do does them no harm like it would to a real, living person (think what happened with kit connor, for example, or what happens to cishet ppl who cant wear what they like bcs someone might keep questioning their identity and not believe their words bcs of it).

(this is a ramble and isn't complimentary, so if you're in this tag purely for positive stuff, please swerve around this post; you have been warned, so pls don't add negativity to this post either, thanks)

Just finished hmc (book) and i have so many conflicting thoughts about it. Like it was obviously very well written in terms of the worldbuilding and the characters and the plot but then with the romance it felt,,, so odd to me.

Maybe it's the fact that it's decades old, but it has that feeling of vagueness that classics and stuff often do, where I don't feel at all invested because it all feels surface level. Like Sophie and Howl clearly have a connection, but I felt like it was never explored in a way that tugged at my heart strings, it was more like they had the grounds for friendship and then bippity boppity they held hands and were getting married.

Which gets me to another thing- this felt very much like someone had taken a very interesting queer character and put them in a very heteronormative romance plot??? Like howl has such major queer vibes, but then he interacts with sophie and vice versa like they're the protags of every heteronormative straight romance book (if there weren't even making out to keep your attention on SOMETHING), and it just feels like they were done dirty even tho they are as the author intended them to be and saw them as.

Idk just... They're such interesting characters and I would have loved to see their love story if it weren't trapped in a heteronormative cage.

The rest of the story is just so incredibly fun and engaging that whenever this stuff popped up and they were forced to play into these roles it felt jarring and left me at the end wondering if I'd just ruined the experience I knew from the ghibli movie and wasted hours just to end up feeling neutral about the story.

[nbbjiang]

me? over sharing again? correct!

i feel like i've grown so much in the last two years. but nobody can see it. it's change that only i can see and understand. from outside it just looks like i'm stalling and not doing anything at all. and i feel like ppl look at me and think "wow they haven't done much since they graduated high school huh. only now they're gonna start uni? seems pretty late" i feel like everyone thinks that abt me. i feel like i should b doing more. that i should've done something important by now. and it fucks w me bc i am literally only twenty. and i feel so much pressure to have everything figured out and to have a straight path to my future, a successful future. but bc i've only grown on the inside i have nothing to show to others, and i feel like i'm behind, like i am constantly failing to keep up w what is expected of someone my age. i feel like ppl look at me and see the same idiot from high school, the same person. and i am so far from who i was i feel like that's literally not me. like it never was. which isn't really a lie, i feel like i was acting a lot of the time. to fit in. to not stand out in a very homophobic environment. a very hostile environment to anyone that wasn't all that a person is expected to b in a cishet thin muscular beauty standard ruled place. and i guess what i've been doing the lasts two years is get all of that out of my system. out out out so i can finally be who i want to be at any moment. i feel like i'm finally discovering myself. but to others it just looks like i'm just a dropout. just a lost person who doesn't know what to do in life. a failure. and i know i shouldn't compare myself to other and we all have different timelines in life and blah blah blah but i just can't help it. i see the ppl i graduated w halfway through their degrees and i haven't even fuckign started. friends that graduated last year already have accomplisehd more than me and i feel behind. a friend that also started over already finished their first year at uni. and i'm just sitting here. and the worst part is at this point idk if i even want to go to uni at all i mean i have no excitement i just feel anxious and like i will immediately fail at everything the second the semester starts and i have to actually make an effort. and i have a student loan that demand i keep a certain minimum average and it's so stressful everything is so stressful i hate it. but it's not like i can do something else like literally what the fuck would i do. doing anything else would just reinforce that feeling of being behind and being a failure. so. i guess whatever.

[alanncs]

hi my angels ! my name’s dani , i’m from toronto ontario aka best city in the worldt , & i’m 20  !  i’m the kelsey m on the main  &  i can’t tell u how excited i am to have wealthy up n running again !  i literally can’t wait to plot with all you beautiful peoples , so pls like this  &  i’ll slide in the dms , otherwise u can also hit me up on discord 𝒎𝒈𝒌'𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒆 .#1958  !!  i’m gonna put all you need  2 know about alanna below aaand i hope y’all like her ! <3

new york’s very own alanna d'alessio was spotted on broadway street in gucci bee sneakers . your resemblance to hailey baldwin is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty first birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being reticent , but also gracious . i guess being a scorpio explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be anything pink , the lingering smell of weed , and a cigarette between her fingers . &  ( cisfemale & she/her  )  +  ( dani , 20 , she/her , est . )

                    *  /   𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡��𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑠 .

full  name  :  alanna  marie  d’alessio  .

age :  twenty  -  one  .

hometown  :  new  york  city  .

zodiac  chart  :  scorpio  sun  ,  aquarius  moon  ,  libra  rising  .

character  inspo  :  alyssa  (  the  end  of  the  f*cking  world  )  ,  marissa  cooper  (  the  o.c  )  ,  hanna  marin  (  pretty  little  liars  )  .

                   *  /   𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚   !!  tw  : kidnapping , ransom , drugs

alanna was born heir to the d'alessio family which came with the billion dollar dynasty that her parents created . 

her dad is an italian government official  but they grew up in ny basically bc her dad is an ambassador/representative for italy  &  her mother is a super model who also wanted to raise her kids here having lived here her whole life , and so they did . 

she had everything handed to her on a silver platter and her parents expected nothing but success from her because of how wealthy they were, they knew they would never have to worry about providing for her and her siblings , and so they spoiled her with whatever she asked for and more

but that came with a price, she was expected to do everything they wanted of her, go to an ivy league college, follow in one of her parent’s career footsteps

alanna did just that, she got amazing grades in high school and was head of many student clubs, organized prom, got almost perfect on sat’s and exams, and busted her ass to get into a good college despite the fact that her parents could’ve easily gotten her a spot if she didn’t do as well as she did

her life was going so well, she had the perfect boyfriend, perfect group of friends, was on her way to brown university in a couple of months, her parents and her couldn’t have been in a better spot with their daughter

the last thing they expected was for someone, a stranger, to get their hands on their daughter . a week after her 18th birthday , she’s walking to school on a monday morning and before she knows what’s happening , there’s something over her head and she’s being dragged into a van and taken from her life

the one thing that was expected, was the $10 million ransom she was held for

basically her dad had some shady dealings with the italian mob & didn’t pay his debts to them for some time - so they kidnapped alanna in retaliation for that

they kept her for 3 days before her parents were able to work with the authorities to get her returned and pay the people in full

surprisingly, she was returned alive but she had to spend two weeks in the hospital afterwards with injuries

once alanna was returned, she wasn’t the same

she told the police what happened to her , but only barely . she didn’t tell her parents or anyone else about what they did to her when she was gone .

she didn’t speak , eat or sleep for two months after she got home

she spent the last few months of her high school in bed, she didn’t attend her graduation, deferred from going to brown in the fall, she didn’t see her friends anymore and she broke up with her boyfriend

the people who took her were never caught & she is still to this day completely terrified of going anywhere alone

she never walks anywhere alone  

it took her months to be able to get back to doing normal things again and being who she was before

to this day ,  alanna still struggles with the memories and the ptsd from what happened to her , but she doesn’t speak to anyone about it and she refuses to bring it up in any scenario

she also has a horrible relationship with her father now , having trouble forgiving him for what happened to her

some people know about it as obviously, being as famous as her family is, it was on the news at the time, and everyone she went to high school with knew what happened so sometimes it can be hard to avoid it

she wants to forget - here comes her secret - she got into drugs after the kidnapping and it quickly spiraled out of control , now she can’t seem to function without them because they’re the only thing that make her feel normal and make the memories fade

anything she can get her hands on rly

but the media think she’s an angel , her reputation has been kept p much pristine her whole life . and her parents have no clue how much she’s struggling or how much she’s changed . so if this were to come out , it would tarnish not only alanna’s reputation but her family’s  as well

                                         *  /   𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚  !!

after deferring from brown ,  alanna knew she had to find some way to keep herself occupied and make money , even though she could live off her parents for however long she wanted

alanna wants to be . miss independent .

so she started getting into modelling , bc of her mom it was easy for her to book gigs

she was able to book gigs like adidas , guess , calvin klein  etc  !

so  that was super exciting for her bc she got really into it and  enjoyed doing it sm

she started acting about a year ago - started off in a few movies , & now she’s currently starring in a netflix series - smth similiar to elite or on my block !

oko so in high school alanna was super bubbly , and just like the really overly nice girl that would talk to literally every 1

but it worked for her bc she was  voted prom queen  and valedictorian ! even tho she missed graduation . yike

Anyway now ! she is not v much like that anymore , except  when she’s super high .

since her kidnapping alanna has been closed off and aloof . in general , she’s not as talkative

she says what she thinks but it usually comes in one word mumbles

can sometimes b very entertaining  . she’s kinda like paris hilton a little bit

also think Marissa from the oc !!

call her a  spoiled brat she’s gonna be like “ yah… and ?”

she  can be very selfish to a fault  in certain situations

and very defensive if she feels attacked, judged , put into a corner , physically cornered , etc

she’s a hopeless romantic at heart and dreams of having an epic love story

but she  has Hella trust issues which easily lead to commitment issues for her so … she will cheat “by accident” lol

that’s why she tries to steer clear of relationships but she also has such a big heart she  falls in love 5 times a day sffsdkj

also w  how much this girl  can sleep around it’s not happening any Time soon 4 her ! she enjoys being single a lot

Bc she likes to get wild

shes like nicole richie on the simple life when she’s partying  lmao

like she likes 2 fuck with ppl sometimes lol , like she will flirt w anyone and everyone just cus she’s bored

umm she lives  in sweatpants n crop tops !

her hair is either in a  bun or just down , she’s rly lazy when it comes to hair and makeup   . like if her makeups done someone else did it lol

Unless she’s like fully in the mood

ooverall she’s a rly sweet lil bean whos just scared of humans ! :’(

um ya idk im always developing  her but IF U read  all this  ilysm !

here’s her pinterest board for more of an idea !

                                  *  /  𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔  !!

EVERYTHING   !  here is a link to my wc page & a link to my wc TAG which are both full of ideas so  msg me  & i’ll throw tons of ideas at u <333 let’s do it i luv plotting sm okay

[fmnolan]

so   i   was   thinking   the   other   day   how   much   i   love   lil   dumbass   hockey   fratbois   ,   ugh   such   icons   (   not   the   douchey   ones   )   ,   so   here   i   am   offering   nolan   as   a   tribute   .   he’s   def   my   favourite   himbo   &   mess   of   a   child   but   i   swear   he’s   fun   to   be   around   .   i’m   still   working   on   him   cuz   time   management   ?   we   don’t   know   her   ,   so   here’s   a   few   bullet   points   to   get   acquainted   with   the   babey   boi   .

 ❛   ✶   (   SHAWN   MENDES   ,   CIS   MALE   ,   HE   &   HIM   )      —      did   you   see   NOLAN   HART   walking   around   campus   earlier   ?   i   hear   a   lot   of   people   talking   about   the   TWENTY-TWO   year   old   SENIOR   .   from   what   i   know   ,   they   are   studying   NUTRITION   SCIENCE   and   are   a   part   of   PHI   KAPPA   DELTA   .   they   come   across   as   GREGARIOUS      but   also   HEEDLESS   ,   which   makes   since   because   on   their   instagram   (   @NOHART   )   it   says   they   are   a   CAPRICORN   .   when   i   see   them   ,   i   think   of   WET   HAIR   STRANDS   STICKING   TO   YOUR   FOREHEAD   ,   EMPTY   BEER   BOTTLES   ,   BACKWARDS   BASEBALL   HATS   ,   FURROWED   BROWS   &   HUNGOVER   MORNINGS   .   the   most   interesting   thing   i’ve   heard   about   them   though   ,   is   the   fact   that   REDACTED,   but   don’t   tell   anyone   i   told   you   that   .  

𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑠 

full name : nolan louis hart 

nicknames : nol , nolie

age : twenty-two

gender : cis male

sexuality : bisexual 

major : nutrition science 

hometown : toronto , canada 

𝘩𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑓𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑦 

nolan has never been encouraged to be academically inclined , instead , his family expected him to play hockey , end up in the nhl like his father before him . instead of spending evenings studying , nolan played hockey in his father’s private rink . the boy had a natural talent for the sport .

the hart family has been on the map ever since daniel hart won many consecutive medals in the summer olympics in 1920 for swimming . ever since then it seems that every generation specialized in a new sport . it was only in the 1990′s where patrick hart conquered hearts all over the world during his nhl career , ever since then , everyone kept an eye on his son , nolan hart , to see whether he would follow his father’s footsteps .

due to the family’s constant success on the fields , they have been able to maintain a certain amount of wealth . not only they were popular within their respective sports but the hart family has been adored by the public for decades now .

𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑦 

nolan was born and raised in toronto , canada ( eh ) , born to a family of athletes & more recently, nhl hockey players . the hart fam has always been quite popular due to their wealth & success .

think lowkey kobe & brady ; like they were known of but rarely facially recognizable in the streets .

his mother elaine ( née tremblay ) hart was high school sweethearts with patrick hart & a puck bunny since birth , she quite literally hit the jackpot . she wasn’t exactly a gold digger ( hit it kanye ) only because her family had their quite fair share of money , although not comparable to the harts .

in the beginning of their marriage , the harts were the picture perfect family , two healthy boys and a white picket fenced house .  that was until four years ago , they got a divorce , mr . hart was found cheating on mrs. hart & he remarried not long after .

nolan has always been closer to his father , the man always making him train day and night to eventually make it in the nhl . his mother was there to heal his wounds and teach him the important things in life .

the divorce took a toll on the boy , deciding to take his mother’s side , after all how could you consider cheating on elaine hart ?? awful . he has maintained minimal contact w his father , he attends the occasional dinner . 

overall , his childhood wasn’t all bad or all good . he cherished the family outings , but detested feeling his father’s hopes & dreams resting on his shoulders . he didn’t have time to socialize much and make too many friends. 

𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 

nolan is your og dumb jock , you can’t blame him he was raised that way . his two braincells work very hard in nutrition science , where his last name made him get into the program . 

despite his lack of intelligence , he was raised right . his mother made sure he wasn’t a complete ass , trust me he can be one if he wants to . he has his canadian manners intact as well as a beautiful sense of humor . his morals aren’t too bad either . 

honeslty , what’s admirable about him is how driven he is . it is expected of him to make it into the nhl post graduation , but he truly works for what he wants ( not school wise though )  

he spends long hours in the gym and on the rink , great motivational speaker . 

his #1 talent is taking other aspects of life ( other than hockey ofc ) lightly , always joking around in the most serious situations , people hate & love him for it .

i’d say one of the biggest flirts around ? a bit of a fuckboy , but no the annoying kind but only the kind that u hook up but don’t expect emotional availability from him , that’s a given .

one of the most loyal friends , will have your back all the time but expects the same energy . he has a bit of a cancel culture where if you do him wrong once , he’s not going to trust you again . 

he is not a big fan of cheaters ngl . 

he has a bit of a temper but that runs in the family , it is said that when you don’t have words , you use fists ? well he’s dumb as a rock so i’ll do the math for you .

but he will rarely square up against his own friends . 

if you could get a degree in partying , nolan would . if you can consider party smart a thing, then he’s a professor . he’ll know how many kegs you’ll need for a certain amount of people , what themes work best , who to invite who to not , what drinking game works and what doesn’t . 

𝑒𝑥𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑠 

HERE’S the pinterest board 

HERE’S a tinder profile thot it was cute 

HERE’S a tweet so u can get his vibe 

HERE’S a connection tag , i would die for all those plots 

other connections i would die for are basically : brotps , exes , fraternity bros , ppl he fights w , close squad , hockey friends ( on the team or go to watch him ) , bffs , secret fling , anything w angst !!!

[anissapierce]

Just found out that all the lab  classes in the fall Are filled up and i cant sign up b/c despite not being Able to graduate .... im still registered as Not A Student so im doing this to ignore the weight of my parents expectations of me

tagged by @corvidaedream​

rules: answer these questions and tag people u want to get to know better

(sadie probably knows me better than anyone on this site barring my irl hs best friend who still follows me but we nvr interact so....)

nickname: lol ursa i guess? thts more of a nomdeplum though ....  everyone calls me sara 

zodiac sign: gemini

height: 5′5" ( i think???)

hogwarts house:

last thing i googled: get notifications on your phone when your laptop connects to internet (it did not bear fruit so id appreciate if someone could help me 

song stuck in my head:  Astounished man -thao and the get down stay down

following and followers: 570/1017

amount i sleep: Pre-shelter in place during the school year? 6 hours if I was lucky? Now its like 6 on the bad days when i drink my adderal too late and force myself to wake up early to take my adderal at a good time so im not up at two am. usually its like 8 hours? give or take i have an alarm

lucky numbers: see i dont tend to think of numbers as lucky, six is like my families lucky number but i do get vibes from certain numbers tht feel auspicious .... 

dream job: God idek ..... its hard to think about bc i havent had Dreams in forever bc ive tamped tht shit down deep. something that doesnt require me to sit for long i can tell u tht much, mb like ....sth related to ..... people? Hu...mans.... oh wait librarian full stop fjoiefjfoeiijo last time i was happy was probably volunteering for the library summer program....archiving in some way

wearing: pj pants (the warm kind) w stars moons and clouds (and i found yesterday it Has acquired a hole Right above where my ass), french club tshirt from the year b4 i went to high school (i acquired it i think bc my shirt got messed up during french class idr exactly but i coveted tht design so much) plush zip up w a red n black flannel pattern

favorite song(s): ( im cheating and using spotify to see my most played so none of the newer songs are here, also there was a month i was exclusively listening to my archive 81 playlist)

City-Thao and the Get Down Stay Down

Love Today (live)- Mika (tied w Lollipop imo if im choosing from the live album)

Haunted House- Sir Babygirl

Gay Street Fighter-Keiynan Lonsdale 

Under my skin-Jukebox the Ghost

favorite authors: B...ooks....wht r....they tell me more about..these strange boooks u speak of 

Allison Bechdel

Benjamin Alire Saenz

Adam Silvera

Nnedi Okora

Nk Jemisin

Terry Pratchett (im counting g**d *mens as reading his work)

Octavia Butler 

(ive lost the energy to read books but ... n the authors im rlly into rn are ones whos works i havent read fully  so i challenged myself to only pick authors ive read at least one full work and some change of )

favorite animal noises: when my little baby girl daisy yawns she makes the Cutest noise (maya does not make tht noise) kitties purring ? also v good but i am allergic to pet dander ...whale songs

aesthetic: my aesthetic is ‘if i dont got a reason to dress up in a full way then its just whtvrs comfortable and clean but give an excuse to dress up and i am breaking out my costumes chest’

ill tag ppl later but whoever wants to can, ask me and ill tag u

[peytonainsworthh]

{ madelaine petsch ♔ twenty-five ♔ she/her } well, well, well if it isn’t peyton ainsworth running around peach hollow. legend has it, they come from oliver avenue and have lived here for eight months. if you’re wondering what they are up to, i hear they’re an event planner for a living. they have been known to be vicious yet loyal. a word of advice to them, always look over your shoulder. you never know who is watching. { haley ♔ twenty ♔ est ♔ she/her }

hello everyone and welcome to peach hollow!! as an admin i am so excited to get this party started. us admins are five ppl who love to write and have been through way too many failed rps. soooo we put in all of our love in effort into making this one!!

 this is my bby peyton she’s def an acquired taste bc well she’s a bitch but you’re gonna love her i promise!! anyways i’m haley and we should plot!

past

peyton hasn’t live in georgia all of her life. in fact she is one of the town’s newer residence. she moved there a little under a year ago with her mom and sister.

peyton was born and raised in san francisco in a neighborhood called pacific heights, commonly known as billionaire’s row.

she was born into wealth, her father owning a chain of five star hotels that had been passed down through the generations for as long as she could remember. she spent a ton of time in the beautiful hotels her father owned, learning her work ethic from him. her father was stoic man who put more value on a dollar than substantial relationships with his family. your typical rich dad.

her mother was a trophy wife, spewing meaningless side projects like perfume lines and eye shadow palettes that enviably made their way into departments stores alike.

peyton’s fondest childhood memories was helping set up for the weddings in the hotels. watching the flowers be arranged, the chairs be strategically placed, the wait staff setting the champagne flutes. this lead to her taking an interest in doodling wedding dresses and small flower arrangements.

she has a small wildflower tattoo going along the curve of her breast that she drew, fun fact.

when she was three, her little sister was born. the two grew up inseparable, running amuck in their house together, pranking the nannies but most importantly: ice skating. there were obviously no ice rinks in california naturally but their nanny would take them to an indoor skating rink for lessons. peyton and audrey were quite good skaters.

in high school, peyton won a ton of awards in art contests and even got scholarship to attend art schools across the country.

her dad insisted there was no money in being artist (even if money was never a problem for them), he urged her to take over and be a hotel tycoon like him. peyton and her father fought a lot towards the end of high school about this but at the end of the day, she was her fathers daughter and was stubborn. peyton knew the key to happiness was chasing you passion instead of the dollar.

she attended rhode island school of art and design, earning a degree in interior design and a minor in illustrator. after graduating, she returned home and expected to have a job in the hotel that could suit her.

as she expected, her father got her a job in his business planning the events and having creative control over how each other ballrooms looked as well as the lobbies. working in close quarters with her father made their relationship grow quite strong. the two did everything together and suddenly their stoic walls were crumbling, only for each other.

it seemed as though everything in peyton’s life was coming together. she was the head event coordinator at the hotel, her father was her boss and allowed her to have free range. her sister was around so they could goof off at work.

this was until one day peyton was bringing her father lunch from their favorite mexican food truck in the city. she then walked in on her father sleeping with his assistant which put a stake in their relationship.

peyton couldn’t keep the secret from her mother. she’d rather her mother walk away with dignity rather than stay with a man who had no respect for her. but her mother did not have the same respect for herself.

peyton made the decision to take her funds and move to georgia to be near her grandparents, that’s how she ended up in peach hollow.

now, in peach hollow:

peyton enjoys living in peach hollow. she likes being close her grandparents and she enjoys being surrounded by wealthy and like minded people, due to being a bit prissy.

the redhead can’t seem to shake her bitterness about her father’s affair and paid people in her father’s company to teach her how to hack.

she started using hacking to see her father’s finances and text messages but has graduated onto hacking other people’s phones, nobody’s really safe.

her father tries to reach out but she doesn’t offer any forgiveness. but she pays him little mind.

her mother often sends her checks and peyton will occasionally cast them in times of desperation but peyton is pretty well off living in a nice home on oliver avenue. 

peyton is an event planner and works with some of the richest people in georgia. she works mostly at the caledonia in their grandiose ballroom, throwing gatsby scale events. 

the redhead loved the thrill and pride of hosting such events: weddings, birthday parties, company gatherings, new years eve bashes and so on. but most importantly, she loved meeting people in networking the way a true socialite does. 

this networking lead her into the lifestyle of being friends with richer families in peach hollow. and more than friends with the men. peyton persued being an escort for a few reasons.

to maintain social status

get a nice paycheck

get back at her father

BEING AN ESCORT IS A SECRET SHE KEEPS FROM EVERYONE IN HER LIFE. THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW ARE HER CLIENTS WHO WANT THINGS TO BE EQUALLY CONFIDENTIAL. 

personality:

perfectionist!! detail oriented!!

CRAZY PSYCHO BITCH

the problem child bc her sister is an angel

big bitch but has a heart sometimes

she will not go get mexican food w u don’t even ask but she really just wants a damn burrito

will literally come over and marie kondo ur entire life

evil genius and luvs revenge

a legit psycho when it comes to loving people like has hacked her exes phones even though she seems calm and collected on surface level

will force u to watch home videos of her skating and u will watch

don’t ask to see her sketch books she will blush and change the subject

wanted connections:

ex bf/gf: peyton met them shortly after moving to nyc. they showed her the ropes to the east coast and they did everything touristy you can think of together. they were super toxic because peyton is CRAZY. we can plot how they broke up and when.

a no homo friendship: a really close female friendship that peyton has a crush on the other and is super flirty towards them but acts like she doesnt have feelings for them bc fear of rejection and like acts she’s joking (but maybe it’s one sided/unrequited or maybe it’s mutual???)

clients: people she’s planned events or is going to plan events for

escorting client: some rich ass secretive people

ride or die: the person that peyton is closest too and has seen her soft side. she is a super bitch so this is a rly big deal. they are an unbreakable bond.

a rival cousin: someone who is in constant competition with peyton because they’re related. they have made beef & are rivals. but at the same time they would kill each other & kill for each other.

friends turn enemies: were friends up until a certain point, but either realized they never really liked each other or one just dropped the other or maybe something happed idk lets plot

friends w. benefits: peyton be a sexual ass hoe so bring her ur guy, gals, and non binary pals

LITERALLY ANYTHING LET’S PLOT

[isisisak]

About Druck: ew ew ew @ that man. wtf? This is disgusting! ugh. In universe, instead, this is Alex's time to shine: the crew was there for Mia, Kiki's glasses are the cutest and suit her very well but this morning got me worried, this is the scene that shapes every W's iteration, I got high expectation for this boy, I rooted for him, I kinda actually maybe like him more than Mia I think.. (this is weird to admit, but as much as I didn't like the childish and petty reaction we got from Kiki (1/3)

(2/3) I liked even less the rude and patronizing way Mia handled everything) but this is the moment I got my reputaton on the line for lol so, make me proud, boy 🤞🏼 As far as the boysquad is concerned, I’m actually intrigued by their interaction, they really are pushing this Jonas thing so it has to be important next season (wich is so soon already? how) and I’m egoistically hoping that people will translate the social media stuff

(3/3) bc apparently they are doing a great job at it but I was unaware of it bc I don’t follow anyone of them, not understanding a word, 🙈 I feel left out lol And finally, I was wondering, how important is the Abi motto irl? Like, we got that scene but then they dropped it and never talked about it again (I actually have many problems with it that I’ll maybe share with you and I’m trying to understand if I have to relive it in Matteo’s season)

HI!!

yeah defo kikis glasses are slaying! also agreed to björn being disgusting af and well yeaaaah you know im no big mia stan :P i do like alex more too even tho (dont read fruther if youre not all caught up now) his reaction wasnt… eh perfect idk it wasnt BAD per se but also … “and now youre also telling me this” felt v much like ughhh you added this to my plate and well he kinda made this about him didnt he… (also i …really dont get why theyre not together again bc… yo peeps your probs solved so … ? get on with it and gimme matteo pov pls)if ppl dont translate it (but im sure there are blogs who do!) you can always dm me something and ill gladly translate yeah!! well esp the boys on the basketball cord the other day brightened my day hahah and carlos’ kleiner hai düm düm düdüdüdüdüm i love him sm oooh what are your probs with the motto? and Y E S! the abi motto is super important but once its solved and decided its not a thing thats really talked about until the shirts are printes / abi reise happens or well in the ……… motto woche what is that would that translate to theme week? (its the last week of school for the graduates so they dress each day after a certain theme - its so awesome i MISS)  

edit: i hear @drucktranslations translates everything! :D

[enchantechante]

I got in a relationship last November.He have four kids.We be together all the time and he swears he loves me and wants to be with me for forever.I pick his kids up from school and all.He even calls my family is in laws and we're good together.This isn't my first serious relationship. I've have had a couple and been married too.I just have my moments when I wonder if we're moving too fast?What do you think from what I've told you?We started saying I love you within two months and I like I said,he calls my family his in laws and I do the same.He talk marriage a lot.His kids are in high school.The youngest is in 9th grade.Sometimes I wonder if once age graduate ,will things go left field?I wonder because I have a child too who's younger than all of his and you know sometimes things change after children get older and go off to college.I cook for him,wash his clothes etc.People say we're moving fast and bring up how I've been married before and do this with every man which is true but I don't understand why my previous relationships would matter with this one.I also watch a lot of tv and see how people who get with somebody who have older children,when they leave the nest things change.His youngest is 14 and my child is 6.I just wonder if he'll really stick around til my child is 18 and goes off to college.

Wow, Friend. Im a huge believer in following your intuition so if you have a hunch youre moving too fast, you likely are.

The reason people are warning you and citing your previous relationships is because the best predecator of the future is your demonstrated pattern of behavior. and they know previously this is almost exactly like what youve done and it hasnt ended successfully.

HOWEVER, this is your life. I dont want you to think your goals of lifelong marriage and healthy coparenting arent attainable bc thats simply not true. I believe you need to silence the noise of other peoples' lives and opinions and tap further into whats motivating youe fears so you can frame your mind (and thus your actions) for success.

I believe when you get clear w your partner about what you expect and aspire to (culture) for yourself it helps them play their part in making it so. Theres a lot yall just start doin without discussing and its extremely comfortable...for now. It sounds like you have a vision of how your future will go and youre not sure if he's committed to that future vision and that uncertainty is causing fear.

Heres what you should do:

Write down how your marriage and family and homelife have went from the perspective of yourself at 50 years old and 80 years old. I highly suggest marriage counseling - what would be a good timeline to speak with a licensed professional? What do holidays look like when all the kids are gone? What did they look like when they were here? What is your marriage/family culture (the daily family/home/marriage beliefs, traditions, values and customs)?

Beliefs: For example Im Christian but my ex wasnt. We agreed to let our future children choose and continue to practice our religions in our home. Our relationship had huge issues bc he didnt understand Christians have sacred altar spaces just like Ifa do. It helped me confidently leave a relationship knowing his continued violation of my sacred spaces was unacceptable (he stole my tithe money twice).

What do you believe and guide yourself by when you feel powerless/hopeless? What beliefs will you pass down? What beliefs do you want to be encouraged in/supported by your partner? Whats their role in it?

Traditions: Its traditional in my family to attend church EVERY Sunday, Tues and Wednesday for yeaaaarrrs. To have baked chicken at least twice a week. For Mom to cook. But its tradition in my bf family to go to church Sundays but had sports Mon-Sat. I didnt have that til highschool. His dad cooks a few nights a week when he wasnt traveling for work and when he did they had a nanny.

But we can agree before their in hs we want their extracirricular and spiritual lives in balance. We want our labor at home to be balanced for me as a Mother. Both are important to us and therefore our future family.

What are your families traditions each week/year? Who has to make it happen? Whats everyones role in it? What are your traditions as a couple every week/year? When will each of you bond individually with your children?

Values: Black ppl believe in pinchin a penny but some of us go too far 😂 I go years without shopping for clothes or sometimes providing basics for myself. (There were years of my life I was so broke I didnt even buy underwear lmfao). Certain values are great, some we'd like to leave behind!

At the end of the day whats more valuable than money to you? What do you want to invest time/money in as a couple? What do you still want time/money to invest in yourself as a woman?

Customs: Things we do without announcing or planning - its just our way. Ive dated men that have arrived while I was at a work event. And had to network, speak to roomfulls of people at a time and theyre bored, ready to leave feel like theyre wasting their time etc. My current asks me, "Did you bring your business cards? You better go talk to that lady!" Super supportive and always in my corner actively cheering me on.

These unspoken mini-traditions we have in certain instances. Postures/roles we take without announcement. Customary practices like chivalry. That may not have a calendared time but we definitely expect to reoccur.

How will you treat/support one another when youre not making a lot of money? Who's responsible for what? What about when youre both/either working a lot - what are our roles in supoorting one another? How do we model for our children about conflict resolution? How do we best celebrate one anothers accomplishments and differences? What does a typical week day look like for everyone in the family? What about the weekends?

Beliefs, values, customs and traditions make up our individual culture. Getting on 1 page about what that looks like - what that can look like, and getting clear on it for yourself, then fielding it with your partners ideas so its really a livable life plan? Thatll melt the fear.

But you need to root yourself FIRST. and decide whats negotiable and not negotiable so you can be happy, sure and committed.