#pouring one out for everyone struggling with their creative pursuits

[savage-rhi]

[saintescuderia]

an open letter in defence of creative pursuit

a letter in response to all the 'monsters' who acted as enemies my creative worth.

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dear me,

people project reflections of themselves.

XXX and XXXX never had a good clear view on just who you really are. they both said they didn't have it in you. but XXXX never read your stuff and XXX ended up depending on your writing when they needed that eulogy for their friend. so how could they know? they didn't know what they were talking about. they didn't have a background in words. they didn't know what they truly meant. least of all to you.

but we're not talking about them. we're here for the most painful experience. that you wrote your first poem, the one about the man who left, and poured your soul into it. you were a young. highschool. and felt the rush of adrenaline as you crossed out line after line, trying to make the words work in your poem.

and then you gave to your english teacher and she said, "well, the first draft is always shit."

which has merit. the first draft is always the first draft. but you felt crestfallen. this wasn't the first draft. this was the final draft. one that you had hoped she could pass onto the man who had left, a final farewell to thank him for everything. and she called it shit.

that's hurt you. so much so that all those years later and it's buried itself deep in you that now you always fear that your writing is shit. no matter what, it can be better. but let's think about this, about her.

people project reflections of themselves. you know this. so why would she cut you down so deeply when she, a teacher, should by definition help someone grow? was she, perhaps, projecting?

to say what she did demonstrates a clear lack of empathy. so why? is it because that very scenario happened to her? that when she, herself a young, wide-eyed girl starting the naive foray into the frustrating and beautiful world of poetry didn't get any empathy or compassion. that no one nurtured the young artist in training but instead just said her stuff was "shit."

maybe it wasn't about you or your poem - but about her. because what does that say about her that she couldn't be gentle? to nurture you as a fellow lover of words and teacher to mentor you through it all and help you get better?

as, yes, the first draft will be bad, but everyone starts somewhere. maybe she wasn't showing you how to get past it because she couldn't; she was blocked herself and ended up blocking someone else. maybe she was a trapped shadow artist who never got the chance to break out of the fear. the fear that her own work might be "shit" because someone else said that to her.

so maybe we should pity her? that this was her reaction. because someone who has never been shown kindness will struggle to emulate it.

so she treated you in a way you didn't - and shouldn't - have been treated. poet or not, she was an english teacher who had enough words to coax you and guide you to be better, not inhibit and hurt you. that's on her. not you or your writing.

i'm just sorry that you weren't handled with care.

but i got you now. those unfair types of criticism won't hurt you anymore because you know you're yourself. you know growth is in the baby steps of consistent practice. you know some of it won't be great - but all the greats had written stuff that wasn't. you have more self-love and empathy to handle your inner artist better than that english teacher ever could have. especially since it's doubtful she could have done so for her own self.

love,

future you

[wintersoldiersimp]

Bucky x reader one shot

Good day my dearly beloved Bucky simps here I make my humble fanfic debut. I haven’t done any creative writing for like five years so I’m excited and nervous.

Would love any feedback or thoughts <3

Summary: set during falcon and the winter soldier. You and Bucky are in love but can’t admit it to each other. In the aftermath of Madripoor, Bucky is struggling with having been forced to act as the winter soldier again, and you comfort him. I watched this series a few months ago now so some details may be off.

Content Warnings: swearing, mentions of violence, trauma, mostly just sad with some fluff at the end :)

Word count: approx 2.5k

Your eyes open suddenly as you are dragged out of an anxious sleep by the feeling that something isn’t right. Scanning your dimly lit surroundings, you sit up in the bed, and attempt to recall where the hell you are right now. This wild goose chase is starting to take its toll. All you know for sure in your sleepy state is that you left Indonesia behind and are back somewhere in Eastern Europe. Riga, you decide. No. Vilnius perhaps. Fuck. Who knows.

You let out an exhausted sigh.

You haven’t gotten a full nights sleep since leaving the US. You’re constantly on the move in pursuit of the Flag Smashers, and the few times you’ve had the chance to sleep through the night the events of the past few weeks keep you constantly on edge, spiralling through your brain and awakening you suddenly, expecting imminent danger at every second.

Looking to the floor next to you, you see a discarded pillow and blanket and realise what’s missing. The absence of the comforting sound of Bucky’s steady breathing has left a heavy silence all around you.

The room of the cheap motel you are staying in for the night is dimly lit by the moon pouring in through the windows, casting a eerie yet comforting light on the old fashioned decor of the room. You look out the window to see the source of the light hanging peacefully in the sky, and in its glow you see a figure sitting in an old wicker chair staring up at it.

Your heart aches as you watch him, hunched over in the chair, and you are reminded of the intensity of the last few days. The fast paced and demanding nature of your mission was hard enough, without Bucky having to take on the role of the winter soldier once more.

He had come so far since regaining power over his mind. You know there’s still a long hard road ahead but considering what had been forced upon him for the last 70 years you’re in awe that he’s able to function at all. He doesn’t tell you much of what he’s going through, the act of sharing his struggles with anyone has become so alien to him. When you do get an insight into what he’s feeling, you see a broken man struggling under the weight of so much pain and guilt and shame that it seems impossible he will ever be free of it. You try to make him know that you’re there for him and that he can trust you, but mostly you feel quite useless.

It broke your heart to see him become the winter soldier in that bar in Madripoor, the cold violent facade that overtook him seemed to come so naturally, but you knew he was struggling underneath it all, begging to be free. You can’t imagine how he must have felt after so much progress to reclaim his life, to have to be put right back in that horrific position. All you wanted was to break cover and get him out of there, show him the love and care he deserved, but you didn’t. You gave in to the heavy responsibility of the mission, and prayed it wouldn’t last too long.

You wanted to talked to him in the aftermath, to keep an eye on him and make sure he was alright, but there had not been time. The four of you had been scrambling from one life threatening situation to another, attempting to recover the serum and then racing back to Europe to stop Karli and her growing army. When you arrived at the motel you were so consumed by exhaustion, you knew the best thing for everyone was a good nights sleep.

With only two rooms available and one bed in each, Bucky grabbed a pillow and blanket and went to lie on the floor without a word. You tried to tell him you didn’t mind sharing but he ignored you, and you weren’t about to start an argument at a time like this. You couldn’t, however, stop your heart sinking as you wondered whether he was merely being polite, or if he really didn’t want to share a bed with you.

Sitting dazed and still half asleep on the bed, it was the first time your mind had slowed down and begun to process the previous days. Clearly, so had Buckys. You watched him through the window, understanding his inability to sleep. You debated whether to leave him be, but decided that he needed more than just alone time right now. Throwing the warm blanket off your legs, you make your way over to the door and step out into the cold air.

You walk over to the empty chair and sit down, with a quiet hello. He looks over, and gives a small smile, which doesn’t reach his eyes. Your heart drops when you see his face. He looks so tired and sad.

“Can’t sleep?” You ask quietly. He shakes his head, looking back up at the still night sky. “Not even close” he responds with a tired sigh.

You sit there in silence for a few minutes, as was routine for your relationship. Conversation never came easy to either of you, much of the time trying to talk to people left you stressed and anxious. The strong bond between you had been forged in comfortable silences, you felt a sense of calm and understanding in each other’s presence. You were undeniably quite in love with the man, and often it seemed like he might feel the same, but the nature of your work and your mutual inability to communicate meant that you never dared to make a move. So you remained in silent and stubborn friendship, which was beautiful in its own way and meant the world to both of you. Sometimes though, especially now, you needed to give more than silent understanding. Your friend was suffering, and you knew you had to acknowledge what he’d been through and try and help him any way you possibly could.

“Bucky-“ you start talking with no idea what you’re about to say. This really is not what you’re trained for. Breaking backs? Sure. Shooting machine guns? Easy. Manipulating unassuming men into thinking you’re a simple minded pretty face only to turn around when you’ve gained their trust and mercilessly destroy their life? Yum. Basic communication with other human beings, on the other hand. You were scared shitless.

Bucky stares at you, his lovely blue eyes piercing straight into your soul, as if he knew what was coming and was daring you to keep going. He didn’t try to stop you though, and you hoped that deep down he too wanted to talk.

Your nerve breaks under his gaze, and you look down to fidget with your fingers. Cursing yourself for struggling with such simple communication, you decide your friends welfare is more important than your own discomfort, working up the courage to continue.

“I know that must have been really hard for you, in Madripoor. I mean, I can’t possibly imagine but-“ you glance up at him quickly before your eyes dart back down to your hands. He turns back to the sky and a defeated expression takes over his face. You’re both hating this but at this point there’s no turning back.

“I just mean I know how far you’ve come in the last few months, trying to put it all behind you, and then you had to step straight back into it like it was nothing- and it’s not nothing.” You paused, your voice shaking. Talking about anything even slightly emotional made you tear up. Bucky noticed the breaking of your voice and looked back you, eyes wide and sadder than ever. You tried your best to continue, your voice weak and quiet. “You don’t deserve that. I just- I wish we had thought of something else, I’m sorry.”

You think you see a hint of relief in his eyes, as if even such a basic recognition of what he’d gone through had taken some of the weight off. He sighs and hangs his head down, hands in his hair. “Maybe I do deserve it.” His voice almost a whisper.

Your heart breaks at his words. “Bucky, no-“ You scramble to find the right words but he cuts you off.

“For 70 years I existed only to bring pain and suffering to people.” He speaks slowly, a tone of disgust coating his every word. “There are countless lives that will forever be torn apart because of what I did. And now I’m supposed to attend therapy once a week and right a few wrongs and everything’s just forgiven? You can’t reverse murder. I can never bring those people back.” His voice was barely holding, getting weaker with every word.

“When I beat up all those people in that bar, and the whole crowd was staring at me, it felt more real than any acts of redemption I’ve attempted in the last few months. It was like all those people were seeing me for who I really am. Who I’ll always be.” Buckys eyes were fixed on something far off in the distance, a look of self-loathing resignation on his face. You tried to hold yourself together but tears spilled from your eyes, you felt utterly helpless.

You take his hands in yours, holding them with a strength your voice can’t provide. “Bucky listen to me.” Your voice is desperate now, forcing him to look at you.

“What you went through all those years- it’s never going to leave you, and in some way you’re always going to feel responsible for the people you hurt. I get that. But you were just as much a victim of Hydra as they were.” He shakes his head and looks down with a pained face, the shame of his past making it hard for him to hear you defending it.

“You had no control over your own life all those years, you know you didn’t have a choice, and you can’t change any of that.” You grip his hands tighter and lean closer to him, your whole body physically hurting at seeing the man before you in such despair.

“What you can change is everything from now on. Every decision you make from now on is your own, that power is yours and no one else’s. Okay? No one can tell you who you are, what you do or don’t deserve or that you can’t ever be different. You get to wake up every day and tell the world exactly who you are, and it doesn’t matter if that changes everyday- because it’s yours. Freedom over our own life is the most powerful thing we have- okay? I won’t let anyone take that away from you again. Bucky-“ Bucky was struggling to not fall apart completely. His head hanging low, face screwed up in pain, hands shaking in yours.

“It’s not your fault Buck, it never was. And if anyone has a fucking problem with that they can come and find me.” He let out a shaky laugh, eyes closed and still looking down. “No matter what happens from now on I’m here okay? I’m right here with you. I know it’s hard as hell but I won’t let you go through this alone, I’m so proud of you Bucky.” He looks up at you, eyes full of tears and a look you’ve never seen from him before. It sends fireworks through your body, your stomach flipping. His eyes hold yours for just a few seconds before he looks down again.

Bucky holds your hands tighter in his, unable to speak for fear of his voice breaking. You catch your breath, surprised both at the speech you’ve just managed and at his reaction, you realise your words meant a lot to him.

You sit together in the stillness of the chilly night, a comfortable silence once again settling around you. Bucky’s eyes stay fixed on your hands intertwined. You watch him as he focusses on rubbing steady circles into the back of your hand, avoiding your gaze. An overwhelming sense of love for the man before you warms your body in the cold night air.

After a few minutes you break the silence. “Hey c’mon, why don’t you come back inside. You need a good rest.” He nodded slightly. “Yeah. I-“ His voice was shaky. “I’ll be in in a minute”. You nod, standing up and placing your hand on the side of his head. You caress his temple softly with your thumb, and lean forward, bringing your lips to his forehead. He closes his eyes and lifts his hand to hold yours against his head. “And Bucky?” He looks up. “Please don’t sleep on the floor tonight.” A relieved smile washes across his face. He gazes up at you, still looking impossibly tired but now the sadness in his eyes has been replaced with love. You smile back down at him and make your way back into the room. Although you are physically and emotionally exhausted as you climb into bed, you know you won’t be able to sleep until you feel him next to you.

A minutes or so passes before you feel the bed shift and Bucky crawls in behind you, an exhausted sigh leaving him as he allows his tired body to sink into the pillows and mattress. Snuggling up behind you, he wraps you in his arms and nuzzles his head into your shoulder. Your body melts into his with a sigh. “Thank you” he whispers, leaving a gentle lingering kiss on your shoulder. You hold his hand in yours, and a heavy calm settles over you both as you drift into a deep and dreamless sleep.

[asteroiideae]

1, 4, and 7 for the meta writer ask!

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Right now, I’m primarily writing on text-based rpg forums (specifically a Harry Potter one, at the moment, because I’m still a basic sixteen year old at heart I guess lol) but I’ve recently started writing a series of vignettes based on my Scum & Villainy TTRPG party, which has also been a lot of fun! It’s difficult to measure “progress” on my text-based rpg writing, but I’ve been on the same forum for about six months now, running 12 characters, and nearly all of them are heavily involved in the plot, which I consider an accomplishment! My S&V vignettes I’ve only just begun -- debating whether or not anyone would be interested in reading them/whether I should post them up anywhere. I think what I love most about both projects is that they’re purely collaborative! I’m working with other people, their concepts, their goals, and I have come to absolutely adore using my writing (and improv) to support other people’s creative pursuits. ** gonna go out of order so I can drop my writing under a read more, if I can lol 7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree? Oh man this is such a difficult one to answer???? I don’t really spend a lot of time thinking about my writing style, honestly. I tend to write from my gut -- I don’t pre-plan a lot, I just immerse myself into my character and then whatever gets written down is what’s happening? (pour one out for my writing partners who get a rough 20 minute response without my proof-reading or editing!) But I guess probably what I’d say I’m known for in my writing circles is my strong sense of character? I’m pretty good at shifting language/pacing/style to suit whatever character voice I’m attempting to convey, and I spend most of my focus on developing those voices. lol idk I don’t consider myself particularly gifted at, or known for, anything beyond that. (Maybe, negatively, I’m bad about utilizing setting. Where the fuck is this scene taking place???? I sure as shit don’t know. I’ve been trying to work on improving that, though.) 4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like) 

Jess, you really came in with the ones I knew I’d struggle with! lol I tend not to be shy about things I know I do well, but I always squirm a little when asked what I like about my writing, for some reason. But! I’ll share two recent pieces that I liked -- gonna drop them under a read more, but I’ll say what I like about them here. 1. The first is a post from my Harry Potter rpg? I really liked it because I don’t often write hardened/wearied characters in such long-standing relationships? So getting to do an entire thread between a mutually-battered couple cleaning each up after a fight is shockingly intimate, and heart-warming, and idk I really love the way this post in particular came out, as a result. 2. I wrote this literally last night as a warm-up! In my Scum & Villainy game I swap between playing twins, and I hadn’t gotten to play as Ditha for several months, so I wanted to get back into her headspace -- which I did by writing something not in her POV? It’s very short, but I love how neatly it captures and introduces who Ditha Thorn is as a woman, without being long or complicated. from this post, if anyone else wants to receive a novel about my writing I guess.

1. Csilla Voronin & Alastor Moody (from Lightning Struck Itself)  Csilla Voronin looks down at Alastor Moody, and raises her eyebrow just a fraction. "I'm in better shape than you are." It's probably true; she's still got all her parts attached, and only the one (admittedly larger and absolutely cursed) wound to contend with. What it isn't however, is entirely true. Csilla is good at lying to everyone but this man, which is why she usually deflects rather than tries to outright tell him an untruth. Her fingers gently run through Alastor's blood-matted hair. It's not worth pressing him to see someone tonight; not in the least, because she wants to tuck him into bed as badly as he wants her to. "Alright." "As if I've ever been paid a wage." The retort comes easier to her lips than the more honest answer: nothing about this relationship is above, or below, her. She draws her fingers from his hair, now safely pushed back from his ear, and studies the mess; sighs, a sound more empathetic than anything else. "It's going to hurt like a bitch." As she draws away, Csilla drops a brief kiss into the crease of Alastor's forehead, using her forearms against the tub to push herself upright. She picks up her wand in one hand, and disappears through the door into the hallway beyond - only to return a moment later with the first aid kit from the kitchen table. She drops the thing onto the sink, and begins to rummage through it. Alcohol wipes, and gauze, tumble out of the kit and into her hands, and she tucks a few between her palm and her wand. "Were you going to ask me something?" She reaches for the distraction, even as she pauses to shimmy out of her trousers, and drops them unceremoniously atop the messy sink. The first aid supplies go onto the toilet lid, while she toes out of her socks. "Or are you just tired?" Either is possible, but Csilla privately suspects the latter. Free of her socks, she balances one hand on the side of the tub, and carefully sets one foot in, nudging Alastor until she can lower herself into the water, knees trapping his thighs between them. She summons the first of the alcohol wipes into her hand with a lazy flick of her wand, and carefully tears it open. All the warning he gets is a steady, apologetic, glance -- and she presses the wipe to the soot-and-blood caked remains of his ear. Her free hand holds his shoulder back against the porcelain, and her legs pin him mercilessly down. Better to get it over with quickly, than to draw the affair out. 2. Ditha Thorn, Scoundrel (from Scum & Villainy; The Morning Glory) It’s just warm enough that the air carries the earthy aroma of cow dung; it’s hardly romantic, but that’s what spring smells like - the ground thaws, and with it, the excrement from innumerable livestock herds. The young woman sprawled on the faded plaid blanket doesn’t seem to notice it, though. She’s leaned back on her forearms, long hair brushing the blanket as she tips her head back to look at the stars. Beside her, a similarly aged boy traces a shape in the air. “Do you see it? Right there, that little blinking light.” He jabs his finger at the sky suddenly, a grin spilling out over his features. “That’s the place, I think. If they’ll take me, I’ll go there to train.” The girl’s expression cools as she narrows her eyes on that point; the youthful curves of her face going hard with disapproval. “What if they don’t?” He sighs, shrugging out of his jacket suddenly, and dropping it on the girl’s legs. For a while, the only sound is the rustling of the late winter breeze through the shorn stalks of corn in the field around them. Although the girl’s expression doesn’t change, she scoops up the leather jacket, slides her arms into the sleeves and wraps it around her shoulders. “Then I guess I’ll be stuck here, too.” He leans forward, wraps his arms around his knees. “I’m not stuck here,” the girl says suddenly. She sits up, drawing her knees to her chest in a mirror of his own posture. “I’m leaving after graduation, there’s nothing on this rock for me.” That uncomfortable silence returns, and the boy shifts back and forth, clearly trying to find a way to dispute her words - but unwilling to do so while sitting alone with her in the dark. The moons begin to creep towards the horizon, the light fades, before either of them speaks again. “Everyone’s stuck here, Ditha.” He drops his arms, pushes himself off the ground and onto his feet. “Maybe your sister’s smart enough to find a school or a job willing to take her, and maybe the Legion will take me, but what do you think you’re gonna do to get out of here?” The girl, Ditha, blinks several times - her eyes still fixed on the stars. “Sounds like a challenge.” A slight huff is the only response to her quiet statement; the boy has known Ditha long enough to know the worst thing to do is dare her to something. Instead he bends down to tug gently on the blanket. “Come on, Di. It’s time to go.” She stands up, lets him lift and shake the sandy dirt out of the blanket, watches him fold it with eyes that barely reflect the faint light in the dark. When he offers her his hand, after tucking the blanket under his arm, she shakes her head. “I’ll find my own way back to town,” she says, in a tone of voice he’s never heard before. He shrugs, turns toward his truck - she’ll probably follow, he thinks. Where else is she going to go? But when he reaches the vehicle, turns with his hand on the door, Ditha Thorn is nowhere to be seen.

[new-sandrafilter]

True Romance: Saoirse Ronan and Timothée Chalamet on reuniting for Little Women

They may be posing in an airy lower Manhattan studio, but Timothée Chalamet and Saoirse Ronan have a way of making you feel right at home. “I made a little playlist this morning,” Chalamet announces to the room. He syncs up his cell phone to the sound system, his boyish grin widening as Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On” starts blaring. He returns to the camera, which snaps him and Ronan at a furious pace.

It’s their first joint cover shoot. He’s wearing a shimmery striped shirt with high-waist trousers; she’s rocking a shirtdress, fishnet stockings, and clear stilettos. He keeps cracking her up; she musses his hair with doting affection. During a break that follows, he wanders, gripping a paper bag stuffed with assorted bagels — from Tompkins Square Bagels, which Chalamet, a lifelong New Yorker, insists are the best in the city — and offering one to anyone in his path. He sings and dances — very Elio-in-the-town-square-like — to Bob Dylan’s “Tombstone Blues.” He creeps behind a distracted Ronan before spooking her with a yelp. “I didn’t even know you were there!” she exclaims, reddening from the fright but with a smile so lovingly at ease, you sense she’s used to the prank.

They’ve known each other, after all, for some time. About three years ago, Ronan, now 25, and Chalamet, 23, met filming Lady Bird, Greta Gerwig’s solo directorial debut, in which Ronan’s irrepressible heroine (briefly) romances Chalamet’s douchey amateur musician. They reunited with Gerwig last year, on the heels of Lady Bird’s Oscar-nominated success, for a bigger undertaking: a remake of the oft-remade Little Women (Dec. 25). Ronan and Chalamet slipped into the roles of tomboyish Jo March and buoyant Theodore “Laurie” Laurence, best friends who ultimately break each other’s hearts. Their courtship ranks among American culture’s oldest tales of unrequited love — made indelible by Katharine Hepburn and Douglass Montgomery, Winona Ryder and Christian Bale, and so many others — yet finds, in the hands of two of the most compelling actors of their generation, galvanizing new life.

That goes, in fact, for the whole of Gerwig’s Little Women. Her version certainly contains the snow-globe coziness of treasured adaptations past, but also carries a fizzy emotional authenticity and attention to detail. The film is remarkably lived-in, too: This take on Louisa May Alcott’s 1868 novel, which follows Jo and her three sisters pre– and post–American Civil War, feels plucked straight from the text in the best way, with siblings fighting like siblings, love and loss and hope and pain vividly experienced on screen.

Ronan and Chalamet’s charming big sister–little brother dynamic is not unlike the one that Jo and Laurie share in Little Women. Watch the actors play off one another, and the film’s tender realism clarifies itself: Their on-camera intimacy is just as palpable behind the scenes. Indeed, after shooting Lady Bird for a few weeks, the pair hung out regularly over the next year, making the awards-circuit rounds and scoring lead-acting Oscar nominations — Ronan for Lady Bird, Chalamet for Call Me by Your Name — before swiftly signing on to Little Women. In advance of filming in Concord, Mass. (the actual setting of the book), Gerwig and producer Amy Pascal gathered the large production’s cast and crew for rehearsals at a house just outside the town. For Ronan and Chalamet, the contrast between this and their early Lady Bird days was immense. “I felt very prideful… about how big it had gotten, how many people were there,” Chalamet recounts. “On Lady Bird it was, like, 25 people hanging out in a house!”

They fell back into each other’s rhythms instantly. “He keeps me on my toes — I’m never quite sure what he’s going to do next,” Ronan says. “That only progressed more and grew more. It helped that we do have a very natural rapport with each other…. These two characters physically need to be very comfortable with one another. They’re literally intertwined for half the film.” Chalamet adds: “In the least clichéd way possible, it really doesn’t feel like [I’m] acting sometimes [with her].”

Chalamet credits Gerwig, too, for establishing a playful, comfortable atmosphere. He thinks back to his first day of rehearsal: He reunited with Ronan. He introduced himself to Emma Watson (who plays the eldest March sister, Meg). He was guided into a third-floor conference room of a “random building” where, “all of a sudden, there was a full dance class going on.” He recalls fondly: “Everyone breaks down and becomes a little kid. This job is so trippy in that regard — you want to be serious, you want to be professional, and then it’s almost best when you’re able to be 12 years old. When it’s someone you’re actually friends with, it makes it easier.”

Ronan smirks, gearing up for a jab: “We’re not friends!” Delighted, Chalamet keeps the bit going. “We’re not friends,” he says, solemnly. For once, they’re not very convincing.

Greta Gerwig doesn’t remember a time before she knew Jo March. “[Little Women] was very much part of who I always was,” the writer-director, 36, says. “It was something my mother read to me when I was growing up. It’s been with me for a very long time.”

She joined Sony Pictures’ new Little Women adaptation when she was hired to write the script in 2016. Once Lady Bird bowed the next year, she emerged as a candidate to direct the film. “Greta had a very specific, energized, kind of punk-rock, Shakespearean take on this story,” Pascal says. “She came in and had a meeting with all of us and said, ‘I know this has been done before, but nobody can do it but me.’” She got the gig.

In her approach, Gerwig drew on her lifelong relationship with Little Women; beyond childhood, she discovered new, complex layers to the novel, and in turn to Alcott’s legacy. “As a girl, my heroine was Jo March, and as a grown lady, my heroine is Louisa May Alcott,” she says. It’s perhaps why Gerwig’s Little Women feels like the most adult — and modern — version of the story that’s reached the screen to date. The movie begins with the March sisters in adulthood — typically where the narrative’s second half begins — and unfolds like a memory play, shifting back and forth between that present-day frame and extended flashbacks to the childhood scenes etched in the American literary canon.

In that, Gerwig finds fascinating, fresh areas of exploration regarding women’s lives: the choices society forces them to make, the beauty and struggles of artistic pursuit, the consequences of rebellion. Jo’s journey as a writer anchors Gerwig’s direction; tempestuous Amy (Florence Pugh) gets more of a spotlight as she matures as a painter (and Laurie’s eventual wife); and Meg is realized with newfound nuance: “We felt it was important to show Meg juggling all her roles — a mother, a wife, a sister — whilst also celebrating her dreams, despite them being different to those of her sisters,” says Watson. But Gerwig doesn’t see herself as reinventing the wheel. “A lot of the lines in the film are taken right from the book,” she explains. “When Amy says, ‘I want to be great or nothing’ — she says that in the book! I don’t think we remember that, but she does say it.” Gerwig also loves one line spoken by the sisters’ mother, Marmee (Laura Dern), also revived in this version: “I’m angry almost every single day.”

Gerwig compiled a “bible” filled with cultural references: to Whistler tableaux of family life, to David Bowie–Jean Seberg hairdos that inspire the look of Jo’s mid-film cut, to Alcott family letters. “I wanted it to be footnote-able,” Gerwig says. “I wanted to point to it and say, ‘This is where this is from.’” She considers Alcott’s text sacred: “I wanted to treat the text as something that could be made fresh by great acting.”

Beyond those charged but less quoted Little Women lines are its famous ones — throw-pillow staples like Jo’s “Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents,” that no adaptation is complete without. The actors rehearsed these “almost like a song,” pushing to move through them with a rapid musicality. “We [read] the book out loud,” says Dern. Gerwig expected the script’s words to be memorized precisely. “I knew I wanted them to get this cadence that felt sparkly and slightly irreverent,” she says. “I wanted to make them move at the speed of light.”

She poured the same love into iconic scenes, like Jo and Laurie’s ebullient dance that follows their first meeting. Here it goes on longer — and more vibrantly — than in any previous iteration. (Ronan says they filmed it at 3 a.m., to boot, adding, “We must have done it, like, 30 times.”) Then there’s the devastating moment when Laurie asks Jo to marry him and she rejects his proposal. Gerwig tasked the two actors to unleash here. “Emotions just bubble over,” Ronan says. “[Greta] just let us go with it, wherever it went, from take to take. What I loved about that scene is that every take would be different emotionally. It didn’t have the same trajectory.

“The two of us, it’s a relationship I have with no other director,” Ronan continues. “She makes me feel like I can try anything.”

As Ronan and Chalamet emerge from their photo-studio dressing area in impossibly chic new ensembles — she donning a form-fitting knit sweater, he a silky, ruffled top — their creative energy fills the space. They try out different poses, debating concepts and ideas with each other on the fly; at one point he wraps his arms around her waist, and she quips to no one in particular, “We’re expecting our first.” Camera snap.

They’re modeling a new brand of movie stardom — pursuing projects with a point of view, adamantly being themselves in the public eye, subverting gender norms. Their androgynous fashion performance here reflects their wardrobe shake-ups in Little Women: Gerwig and Oscar-winning costumer Jacqueline Durran (Anna Karenina) had the two actors swapping clothes throughout filming, to reinforce the masculine-feminine fluidity between Jo and Laurie. “They are two halves,” as Pascal puts it. “These are really bold characters that are really different than you’ve seen them before.”

And just as Gerwig expressed a need to direct Little Women, Ronan knew in her bones she needed to play Jo. She’d first encountered the story via the 1994 film when she was 11, and later read the book, feeling an immediate kinship with the young woman she’d come to portray. “When Louisa describes Jo, it felt like someone describing me physically: sort of gangly and stubborn and very straightforward, and went for what she wanted.” At an event for Lady Bird, she — in a very Jo kind of way — just “went at it” by approaching Gerwig. “I said, ‘So I want to be in Little Women, but only if I’m playing Jo.’” (Chalamet, for his part, was asked by Gerwig, “Hey, want to do another movie?” He responded: “Yes. Yes, please.”)

Over months of living in Concord with her castmates, Ronan discovered new depths within herself: “Jo’s ethos is ‘Everything everyone else is doing, I’m going to do the opposite.’ [I had] to try things that I’d never tried before. Be a bit messier with a performance.” Gerwig set up etiquette lessons for the cast; whatever the instructor said (“Don’t shake hands! Don’t gesticulate with your arms!”), Ronan made sure to ignore it. She speaks now of this as freeing, even transformative. “I felt like I had tapped into something I’d never gotten the opportunity to tap into before, or I just didn’t have the guts to tap into myself,” she says. “Finding that was just amazing.”

Shortly after wrapping Little Women, she filmed Wes Anderson’s next film, The French Dispatch — marking her third time costarring with Chalamet, who plays a central role. As for now? Ronan is taking a little break. “I’ll wait for the right thing to come along,” she says. “It’s lovely to be in a position at this moment where I can wait for the absolute right thing.” Same goes for Chalamet — he shot Netflix’s The King (out Oct. 11) right before Little Women and just completed production on Denis Villeneuve’s Dune adaptation. “It’s the first time in almost two years I’ve gotten a breath, so I’m savoring it.”

It’s been a long day. They’re back in comfy clothes; Ronan is taking a late lunch. It feels like both actors — as another whirlwind of acclaim and press and romance-shipping awaits — are at a kind of peace, exhausted but satisfyingly so. Little Women is the biggest movie either has done to date; more attention, as they inhabit such revered characters, is sure to follow. “I just haven’t thought about it that way,” Ronan admits. “Maybe because it’s just Greta — even though it’s on a much bigger scale, she wanted it to feel like Lady Bird.”

Ronan understands the timeless power of Little Women, of course: “It’s as important to tell Little Women right now as it would be at any point in our lifetime.” She points to this pop culture climate of “celebrating female friendships and sisterhood,” and continues, “It’s a story that’s full of love. That will always be relevant.”

She turns toward Chalamet, and you realize the love they brought to Alcott’s classic is what first blossomed between them on Lady Bird. “I love that in Lady Bird, you broke my heart,” she says to him softly. “In Little Women, I got to break your heart.” (Chalamet, ever the goofball, finds an obvious opening: “Yes, that’s true. Then I married your sister. Ha, ha, ha!”)

If this all sounds a little idyllic, well, neither actor — nor Gerwig, nor Pascal, nor the rest of the cast — can do much to convince you otherwise. Shifting back to Little Women’s timelessness, and reflecting on Ronan’s comments about it, Chalamet says, “I don’t know how to add to that.” Instead he turns back to his costar, his expression suddenly sincere, filled with gratitude. “But if I can add one little dose of information,” he says with a nervous laugh. “And not just because she’s sitting next to me.” He credits Ronan with bringing that “timeless energy.” He says “thank God” they were able to make the movie. “It’s so rare with Saoirse — I’m so f—ing grateful to get to work with her,” he says. “Whatever book I write for myself when I’m older, to look back on —” He stops himself. “Well, this is a bigger conversation.”

But Ronan, chuckling, doesn’t let him off the hook. “Will I have, like, a chapter?” And Chalamet laughs — another opening, another chance to act with his greatest scene partner, to see what journey of creation and discovery they’ll go on next. “A chapter of Saoirse,” he says.

At this rate, one chapter won’t suffice.

[spamzineglasgow]

(REVIEW) All The Poems Contained Within Will Mean Everything To Everyone, by Joe Dunthorne

Is it fiction, is it poetry, is it truth — what are the rules here? Kirsty Dunlop tackles the difficult, yet illustrious art of the poet bio in this review of Joe Dunthorne’s All The Poems Contained Within Will Mean Everything To Everyone (Rough Trade Editions, 2018).

Whenever I read a poetry anthology - I hope I’m not the only one - I go to the bios at the back before I read the poems…it’s also a really strange thing when you publish a poem…you brag about yourself in a text that is supposed to sound distant and academic but is actually you carefully calculating how you’ll present yourself.

> It’s the middle of a night in 2019 and I’m listening to a podcast recording from Rough Trade Editions’ first birthday party at the London Review Bookshop, and this is Dunthorne’s intro to the reading from his pamphlet All The Poems Contained Within Will Mean Everything To Everyone (2018). As I lie there in that strange limbo space of my own insomnia, Dunthorne’s side-note to his work feels comfortingly intimate because it rings so true (the kind of thing you might admit to a friend over a drink after a poetry reading rather than in the performative space of the reading itself). Like Joe, and yes surely many others, I am also fascinated by bios - particularly because I find them so awkward to write/it makes me cringe writing my own/this is definitely the kind of thing you overthink late at night. Bios also function as this alternative narrative on the margins of the central creative work and they do tell a story: take any bio out of context and it can be read as a piece of flash fiction. When we are asked to write bios, there is this unspoken expectation that we follow certain rules in our use of language, tone and content. Side note: how weird would it be if we actually spoke about ourselves in this pompous third person perspective irl?! Bios themselves are limbo spaces (another kind of side note!) where there is much left unsaid and often the unsaid and the little that is said reveals a lot. Of course, some bios are also very, very long. Dunthorne’s pamphlet plays with this limbo space as a site of narrative and poetic potential: prior to All The Poems, I had never read a short story actually written through the framework of a list of poet bios. The result is an incredibly funny, honest and playful piece of meta poetic prose that teases out all the subtle aspects of the poet bio-sphere and ever since that first listen, I can’t stop myself re-reading.

> This work is an exciting example of how formal constraints in writing can actually create an exhilarating sense of narrative liberation. I see this really playful, fluid Oulipo quality to the writing, where the process of using the bio as constraint is what makes the rollercoaster reading experience so satisfying as well as revealing a theatrical stage for language to have its fun, where the reality of our own calculated self performance can be teased out bio by bio. The re-reading opens up a new level of comedy each time often at the level of wordplay. I’ll maybe reveal some more of that in a wee bit.

> It’s a winding road that Dunthorne takes us on in his narrative journey where the micro and the macro continually fall inside each other. So perhaps this review will also be quite winding. Here is another entry into the text: we begin reading about the protagonist Adam Lorral from the opening sentence, who we realise fairly quickly is struggling to put together a ground-breaking landmark poetry anthology. His bio crops up repeatedly in varying forms:

‘Adam Lorral, born 1985 is a playwright, translator and the editor-publisher of this anthology.’

‘Adam Lorral is a playwright, translator and the man who, morning after morning, stood barefoot on his front doorstep […]’

‘Adam Lorral is a playwright, translator and someone for whom the date Monday, October 14th, 2017 has enormous meaning. Firstly Adam’s son started smiling.’

The driving circularity of this repetition pushes the narrative onwards, whilst the language is never bogged down: it hopscotches along and we can’t help but join in the game. Amidst a growing list of other characters/poets- that Adam may or may not include in this collection he seems to be pouring/ draining his energy into, with just a little help from his wife’s family money- tension begins to build.  

> Although Adam is overtly the protagonist in the story, to my mind it is, in fact, Adam’s four-week-old son who is the real heroic figure. Of course this baby doesn’t have a bio of his own but he does continually creep into Adam’s (he’s another side note!). He comes off as the only genuine character: there is no performance, no judgement, he just is. Adam is continually amazed by his son’s mental and physical development which is far more impressive than the growth of this questionable anthology. The baby is this god-like figure, continually present during Adam’s struggles, with the seemingly small moments of its development taking on monumental significance. Adam might try to immerse himself fully in this creative work but the reality of his family surroundings will constantly interrupt. This self-deprecating, reflective tone led me to think about how Dunthorne expansively explores the idea of the contemporary poet and artist identity through metanarrative. In Ben Lerner’s The Hatred of Poetry (Fitzcarraldo Editions, 2016), he writes ‘There is embarrassment for the poet – couldn’t you get a real job and put your childish ways behind you?’ In a recent online interview with the poet Will Harris[1], when asked about his own development as a writer, he spoke about how the career trajectory of a poet is a confusing phenomenon and I’ve heard many other poets speak of this too: there are perhaps milestones to pass but they are not rigid or obvious and, of course, they are set apart from the milestones of more ‘adult’, professional pursuits. I think Dunthorne’s short story accurately captures this confusion around artistic, personal and intellectual growth and the navigation of the poetry community, through these minute, telling observations and the rejection of a simplistic narrative linearity. The story doesn’t make any hard or fast judgements: like the character of the baby, the observations just are. Sometimes, it feels like this project could be one of the most important aspects of Adam’s life (it might even make or break it) and we are there with him and at other moments it seems quite irrelevant to the bigger picture, particularly as the bios get more ridiculous. Here, I just have to highlight one of the bios which perfectly evokes this heightened sense of a poet’s importance:

Peter Daniels’ seventh collection The Animatronic Tyrannosaurus of Guadalajara, is forthcoming with Welt Press. He will not let anyone forget that he edited Unpersoned, a prize-winning book of creative transcriptions of immigration interviews obtained by the Freedom of Information Act, even though it was published nearly two decades ago. His poetry has been overlooked for all previous generational anthologies and it is only thanks to the fine-tuned sensibilities of this book’s editor that has he finally become one of the chosen. You would expect him to be grateful.

> Okay…so I said above that there weren’t hard or fast judgements; maybe I should retract that slightly. The text definitely doesn’t feel like a cruel critique of poets generally (its comedy is too clever for that) but, yes, there are a fair few judgements from Adam creeping into those bios. I am so impressed with the way in which Dunthorne is able to expertly navigate Adam’s perspective through all these fragments to create this growing humour, as the character can’t help inserting his own opinions into other poets’ bios. Of course, we are also able to make our own judgements about Adam and his endearing naivety: shout out here to my fave character in the story, Joy Goold (‘exhilaratingly Scottish’) who has submitted the poem, Fake Lake, to the anthology. Hopefully if you’re Scottish, you can appreciate the comedy of this title. Adam Googles her and cannot find any trace of her, which feels perfect…almost too good to be true.

> Dunthorne plays with cliché overtly throughout the text. You could say all the poets in this story are exaggerated clichés but that certainly doesn’t make them boring: it just adds to the knowing intimacy that, yes, feels slightly gossipy (which I can’t help but enjoy). For example, there is the poet who has:

[…] won every major UK poetry prize and long ago dispensed with modesty […] Though he does not need the money he teaches on the Iowa Writers’ Workshop. His latest collection is Internal Flight (Faber/FSG). He divides his time between London and New York because they are both lovely.

I am leaving out a fair bit of this bio because I don’t want to take away some of the joy of simply reading this text in its entirety but it is one of many tongue-in-cheek observations that feels very accurate and over-the-top at the same time (I feel like everyone in the poetry community knows this person). It is also even more knowing when you consider that Dunthorne actually has published a collection with Faber, O Positive (2019), a totally immersive read that also doesn’t shy away from poking fun at its speaker throughout. I always like seeing the ideas that repeatedly crop up in a writer’s work and explorations of calculation and cliché are at the forefront of this collection. I keep thinking of this line from the poem ‘Workshop Dream’:

We stepped onto the beach. The water made the sound: cliché, cliché, cliché.

Interestingly, there is this hypnotising dream-like quality to O Positive - with shape shifting figures, balloonists, owls-in-law – in contrast to the hyper realism I experienced in the Rough Trade pamphlet. However, like All the Poems, in O Positive, we’re always one step inside the writing, one step outside, watching the poem/short story being written. It’s this continual sensation of being very close to failure and embarrassment/cringe. (I can also draw parallels here between Dunthorne’s exploration of this theme and the poet Colin Herd who speaks so brilliantly about the relation between poetry and embarrassment- see our SPAM interview.) Failure is just inevitable in this narrative set up. It makes the turning point of the narrative- when it arrives- all the funnier:

As Adam typed, he hummed the chorus to the Avril Lavigne song–why d’you have to go and make things so complicated?–and smiled to himself because he was keeping things simple. Avril Lavigne. Adam Lorral. Their names were a bit similar. He was looking for a sign and here one was.

> If it isn’t clear already, this is a story that I could continually quote from but to truly appreciate the work, you should read it in its beautiful slim pamphlet format created by Rough Trade Editions. For me, the presentation of this work is as important as the form: this story would have a different effect and tone if it was nestled inside a short story collection. I think a lot of the most exciting creative writing right now is being published by the innovative small indie presses springing up around the UK. Recently I listened to a great podcast by Influx Press, featuring the writer Isabel Waidner: they spoke about both the value of small presses taking risks with writers and the importance of recognising prose as an experimental field, rightly recognising that experimental work often seems to begin with, or be connected to, the poetry community. Waidner’s observation felt like something I had been waiting to hear…and a change that I had noticed in writing being published in the last few years in the UK. I could mention so many examples alongside the work of Rough Trade Books: Waidners’s We are Made of Diamond Stuff (2019), published by Manchester-based Dostoyevsky Wannabe, Eley William’s brilliant Attrib. and Other Stories (Influx Press, 2017), the many exciting hybrid works put out by Prototype Publishing, to name just a few. There is also a growing interest in multimedia work, for example Visual Editions, who publish texts designed to be read on your phone through their series Editions at Play (Joe Dunthorne did a brilliant digital-born collaborative text with Sam Riviere in 2016, The Truth About Cats & Dogs, I would highly recommend!). But this concept of combining the short story with a pamphlet format, created by Rough Trade Books as part of their Rough Trade Editions’ twelve pamphlet series, feels particularly exciting to me and is a reminder of why I love the expansive possibilities of shorter prose pieces. Through its physical format, we are reminded that this is a prose work you can read like a series of poems without losing the narrative tension that is so central to fiction. The expansiveness of the reading possibilities of Dunthorne’s short story also reminds me of Lydia Davis’s short-short stories. Here’s one I love taken from The Collected Stories of Lydia Davis (Penguin Books, 2009):

They take turns using a word they like

“It’s extraordinary,” says one woman. “It is extraordinary,” says the other.

You could read this as a sound bite, an extract from an article, a writing exercise or a short story, the possibilities go on; there is a space created for the reader and consequently it encourages the unravelling of re-reading (which feels like a very poetic mode to me). Like Davis, Dunthorne’s work also highlights how seemingly simple language can be very powerful and take on many subtle faces and tones. I think short forms are so difficult to get right but when you encounter all the elements of language, tone, pacing, style, space, tension brought together effectively (or calculatingly as Dunthorne might say), it can create this immersive, highly intimate back-and-forth play with the reader.

> All The Poems Contained Within Will Mean Everything to Everyone. The title tells us there is a collection of poems here that are hidden: the central work has disappeared leaving behind the shadowy remains of the editor’s frustration and the marginalia of the bios. We feel the presence of the poems despite not actually reading them. The pamphlet’s blurb states that this: ‘is the story of the epiphanies that come with extreme tiredness; that maybe, just maybe the greatest poetry book of all is one that contains no poems.’ The narrative, as well as making fun of itself, also recognises that poetry exists beyond the containment of the poems themselves: it can be found in the readings, the performances, the politics, the drafts, the difficulties, the funding, the collaboration, the collectivity, the bios.

> A friend of mine recently asked me: Where are all the prose parties?…And what might a prose party look like? We were chatting about how a poetry party sounds much cooler (that’s maybe why there’s more of them). I think prose is often aligned with more conventional literary forms, maybe closed off in a way that poetry is seen to be able to liberate, but I think Dunthorne breaks down these preconceptions and binaries around form and modes of reading in All The Poems. I want to be at whatever prose party he’s throwing.

[1] University of Glasgow’s Creative Conversations, Sophie Collins interviewing Will Harris, Monday 4th May 2020 (via Zoom)

~

Text: Kirsty Dunlop Published: 10/7/20

[udipenn-blog]

Feeling Alone - kicking things off with a pathetic rant

Raised in a conservative evangelical bubble that I secretly struggled to believe in. Aside from that, very loving and supportive upbringing, I thought. Some difficult friendships and struggles with religion left me pretty lost.

Finally broke out into the world, met someone, started finding myself, got married. Most of my 20s wasted on what was eventually understood to be a codependent/narcissistic cycle, myself being the codependent who continued to believe that my husband would break through and start doing something, anything, to contribute to our lives together. 

Brother went crazy with bipolar. Cracking under family pressures due to my brother’s illness, mom’s closet alcoholism became impossible for her to hide. Brother had a baby. Painful conversations and fights with my mom about the situation. 

I finally got divorced, and found myself with no real friends, and no healthy family ties. Mom continued to spiral, dad couldn’t stand her any more, but doesn’t believe in divorce. Brother continued to spiral as well, in and out of the hospital. 

Mom continued to hurt me so deeply until I finally shut down and quit engaging, always about topics relating to my dad or my brother. 

My brother lost custody of his baby, rightly so as his mental state was as unstable as possible. But his ex was not much better. I loved my nephew so deeply but did not get to see him much. 

I got ready to start a journey to establish a healthy network of support, and deal with issues from my family, past friendships, and failed marriage, and move forward with creative and intellectual pursuits. Then I got a call that the police had removed my 5 year old nephew from his home. He came to live with me. I am his guardian. I have spent the last year learning everything I can about trauma, early childhood, foster care, behavioral issues, and failing to untangle the mess that is his mom’s side of the family. 

I have been hurt so much by my mother in this situation that I can’t feel it anymore, or distinguish between good experiences and bad. I am suspicious and numb. Of everything and everyone. 

I love my nephew, we have a strong bond, and his progress is amazing. But I don’t actually feel anything. If I feel, I will crumble, because the one relationship I have day in and day out and have poured every bit of mental and physical energy towards as well as all of my cumulative life lessons learned is also the most exhausting and difficult journey I have had, and one that could very well end in separation. 

I cannot believe my life now consists of an alcoholic narcissistic mother, a bipolar shadow of my brother, a narcissistic ex who I had to cut ties with, past friendships that vanished into air, an all-consuming guardianship for my nephew of an unknown length of time, and his bipolar/borderline substance-abusing angry paranoid mother, who as it turns out, seems a victim herself of a mother possibly far worse than herself who set her up for failure. It just goes on and on, everywhere I turn. Mental illness, substance abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, anxiety, depression, poverty, narcissism, manipulation, unhappiness... 

I don’t know who to believe in or who to cut out. When to show understanding or when to shut down. I have learned that I am stronger than I thought. My desire to do what is right and just is all I have left, and I am proud to find that that is what I hold on to no matter what. But in striving to do what is right among so much that is wrong, without any true connection to anyone, my heart has turned to stone. 

[aion-rsa]

American Horror Story Double Feature Season 10: Revenge and Slaughter in the Red Tide Finale

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This American Horror Story: Double Feature review contains spoilers.

American Horror Story Season 10 Episode 6

One thing you can say about American Horror Story is that they don’t shy away from making world-shattering events part of the show. Maybe it’s the announcement that witches are real. Maybe it’s the end of the world. Maybe it’s an apocalyptic cult. Or maybe it’s just the complete and total destruction of a major industry (and a major American city) because of one person getting a little too greedy. Either way, when it’s go big or go home time, American Horror Story always chooses to go big. Nowhere is that more apparent than the series finale of Red Tide.

The situation in Provincetown is getting hairier by the minute; the state police have started sniffing around due to all the unexplained murders, and it’s up to the town council to put a stop to the insane amount of killings that have been taking place in the surrounding area. Denis O’Hare’s Holden sums it up neatly when he says that the winters in town get a little strange, but everyone is willing to overlook them to make sure that summers, with all the money and tourists, keep happening, and no state trooper is going to put a stop to that. He’ll handle it.

That kicks off the climax of the Gardner family storyline, which takes place in the middle of the episode. There are schemes competing with schemes, with Belle (Frances Conroy) and Austin (Evan Peters) on one side and Harry (Finn Wittrock) and Alma (Ryan Kiera Armstrong) on the other, both struggling for different things. Belle and Austin want the Gardners dead, to prevent Hollywood’s influence from rotting Provincetown and to preserve their way of life (the same reason why Holden turns to them to solve his problem in the first place) and to avoid upsetting the delicate balance they need. Harry wants to get his family free from Provincetown and start a new life somewhere else, living off the money his backlogged writing will make them so he can pour all his dedication into Alma’s violin playing and free them of the influence of The Muse.

If only getting out were as easy as getting in for Harry. Some doors, once opened, can never be sealed. And once you’ve had a taste of true creative genius, can you discard it over something as silly and malleable as a moral code?

Perhaps that’s the point. Later in the episode, Ursula (Leslie Grossman) is giving a speech in front of a group of inspiring writers at a seminar, and she brings up a solid point. Writing isn’t so much about talent as it is about being able to ignore tedium and rejection and toil on with the very hard work of words, songs, or whatever the chosen artistic medium might be. The Muse is a shortcut to unlock all that creative potential, but what separates the Talented from the pale people is that little spark of self-flagellation that allows them to push on ahead, despite knowing just how much life it will sap from you (or how much blood you’ll need to drink).

Read more

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Writers Brad Falchuk and Manny Coto hammer that point home pretty effectively, particularly in Belle’s unhinged rant and Ursula’s rabble-rousing speech in the screen-writing class. Hollywood is a place full of, in this universe, very selfish people who are willing to do anything to make it and everything to stay on top. People like Harry, who at least tries to do the right thing after he’s already made his fortune, are rare in that he has a conscience that eventually gets the better of him. Other people, like Alma, aren’t burdened. She’s the best, she knows she’s the best, and there’s no stopping her from clawing, scratching, and neck-chomping her way to the top. And when push comes to shove, anyone standing in her way, even her father, will get victimized.

In the hands of John J. Gray, Alma’s evil intentions are never in doubt. She’s clearly planning something. However, the way her plan comes to fruition—Ursula no doubt had a lot of influence in this scheme—is still shocking, even by American Horror Show standards. As it stands, it’s a twisted capper on a pretty twisted sequence, which is shot and edited very well. There’s plenty of gore and some impressive jump scares, particularly when the pale people smash through the windows of Belle’s house to get their revenge. It’s good stuff, and the graveyard sequence is shot ambiguously enough that you’re not quite sure if anyone is going to come to Harry’s aid or not.

To Ursula’s credit, it’s a great plan, and a pretty fiery speech she gives the pales. It’s matched only by the speech at the end of the episode Falchuk and Coto give her that seems to kick off a vampire apocalypse in downtown Los Angeles. If the slaughter in P-town wasn’t dramatic enough, this certainly is, with the show becoming a full-on survival horror, like if 30 Days of Night took place in a crowded city and nobody cared all that much about getting caught. It’s a short sequence, but very impactful, as it’s clear that at least part of the United States has fallen to the vampires, even as The Chemist (Angelica Ross, who looks very cool at all times in this episode) and Eli move on to a new part of the world to make a fresh start, and to work on a new pill project.

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Is the whole creativity and writing theme too inside baseball for the average viewer? Possibly! Falchuk and his co-writers talk a lot about the process of creativity and the vapid vacancy of Hollywood’s big egos. However, the general theme of frustrated dreams, be they painting, music, or some other creative pursuit, reaches out to pretty much anyone. Everyone has some dream, secret or not so secret, that’s been crushed by the world at large, and no doubt at some point everyone has wanted to stick it to the Hollywood of that industry. In a sense, those blood-sucking rage monsters smashing out car windows are all of us. The only thing that changes is the repressed dreams that drive us to take The Muse.

The post American Horror Story Double Feature Season 10: Revenge and Slaughter in the Red Tide Finale appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[haulix]

How to keep your passion for the music business alive

For the past ten years, we have poured our hearts and souls into Haulix. It is an ever-growing, constantly evolving creation that has connected a small group of music lovers from the Midwest with people from all over the world. We pride ourselves on being the best promotional distribution platform on the planet, a title we have earned through relentless hard work, but — that said —  I would be lying if I told you we didn’t LOVE some comfort.

Everyone says they like a challenge, but you know what we really love? Comfort. The great struggle of life is to find comfort. Comfort in who we are, what we wear, how we look, and so. We seek comfort in every part of our lives, even business, but comfort is not something that bodes well for those hoping to make a career in entertainment.

Those seeking a role in music learn from an early age that they must find a way to prove themselves to the industry at large. The business is accepting of people from all walks of life, but it can also be a cool kids club, and getting that first bit of recognition from someone on the “inside” can mean everything to a young upstart. We’ve been there. Everyone has been there.

The problem is, once you’ve gotten to know your peers and you’ve found work that feels more or less secure things can become stagnant. You remember the kid who wanted nothing more than to be a part of the music business and — having accomplished that — you’ve grown comfortable with your place in life.

We’ve done similar things following significant developments here at Haulix. We feel pleased with ourselves or our accomplishments and decide that it’s “good enough.” What we’ve learned over time is that nothing is ever good enough because the work is, at least in our minds, never complete. A musician never finishes songs, primarily after writing one that really takes off. Musicians write because that is what they do, and like musicians so should you continue chasing your passion.

There are no peaks or endpoints or goals in this business. There are only the plateaus created by your own lack of creativity and self-propulsion. There will always be another problem to solve and another thing to invent. There will always be another story to tell, another album to review, and another press release to be written. If it matters to you, then it continues to matter, but if you lose sight of why you started down this path, you will lose yourself. The only way to keep growing and continue developing is through a constant set of personal challenges. The pursuit of a craft has no destination because the journey is all you ever need.

If you’re feeling burnt out, it may not be because you failed, but rather because the challenges you’ve set are not in line with your true passion. Maybe you’re chasing something that you never really wanted in the first place because it’s easier than admitting you have to return to the beginning to go after what you really desire. Maybe it’s none of those things and something personal to you and you alone. The point is, you cannot allow yourself to lose sight of that fire you’ve known from the very beginning. The fire that first made you to do whatever you did to get in the door. You challenged yourself to get here, and you must challenge yourself to continue. No one can do it for you.

[twimclabel]

EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN

Swedish singer, songwriter, producer and filmmaker, Jonna Lee, brings the evolution of her ten-year creative career to a new peak with the release of her maiden ionnalee offering, EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN on 16 February 2018 on To whom it may concern. and Kobalt Music.

A studio album and, in due order, a stand-alone filmic counterpart (co-created with cinematographer, John Strandh, in alliance with fashion and art trail-blazers, COMME des GARÇONS), this is the most ambitious project which the Stockholm-based master of audiovisual artistry has embarked on.

Two years and two albums into a solo endeavour as a guitar- wielding folk’n’roller, 2009 saw Jonna Lee beginning a seminal metamorphosis which would lead her to join forces with best friend and long-term producer, Barbelle a.k.a Claes Bjorklund, in creating the organically viral, electronic pop phenomenon that is iamamiwhoami.

A mystery and a riddle, iamamiwhoami’s visuals-backed clue trail of short, sharp, gratifying musical shockwaves stumped fans and the media alike. It formed a gripping guessing game, which enticed audiences to explore its dark, elusory storyline. Moreover, as an entity still in its nappy days, iamamiwhoami’s real-time work process also meant that its cast of creatives’ initial decision to remain anonymous unintentionally caused a frenzy around the question of who was behind the surprise releases (Christina Aguilera and Karin Dreijer were but two of many suspects).

The group’s three ground-breaking audiovisual works [bounty (2010, digital); kin (2012); and BLUE (2014)] served as Jonna Lee’s vehicle for change, through which she has kept challenging limitations and untethering inhibitions in favour of development and innovation. The iamamiwhoami Youtube channel has, since its inception, garnered over 42,300,000 views and in 2011 - even before its first physical release - the group was awarded Innovator Of the Year Award at the prestigious Swedish Grammis.

In the three-act play of Jonna Lee’s creative voyage to date, whereby her late-noughties solo albums planted the inciting incident and iamamiwhoami provided a riveting plot twist, the artist’s debut as ionnalee ushers in the exhilarating climax, letting all that’s gone before culminate in an opus that honours the past, whilst simultaneously devising a recalibrated, fresh future.

EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN evokes thoughts about what drives an artist to create in a milieu brimful with people fighting to be seen and heard and to express themselves in ways that would single them out from others. With its eyes fixed firmly on the state of the world right now, this is a collection that concerns itself with what is the artist’s residual footprint, paralleled with people’s fear of oblivion.

As our generation pores over and pours into social media with a desire to leave as much of ourselves and our legacy out in the world – like a self-edited epitaph, to ensure that we are remembered and control how such remembrance is preserved - EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN explores the different fears and struggles we, as human beings, contend with. ionnalee has hers but, importantly, the songs are intelligently crafted so as to allow for the listener’s personal meaning to coexist.

Reflecting on her own perspective, ionnalee says: “I’ve been evaluating the role that’s cut out for me by society in general and the music business in particular, as to how I should look and behave, both as a woman and as an artist.” In shaping the record, ionnalee has been preoccupied with the experience of societal pressures on women, such as the inescapable normative push to become a mother, pitted against the professional pull of meeting the audience’s expectations of her as an artist.

A further premise underlining EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN is the theme of perception vs misconception when it comes to an artist’s work. “We live in a time where anyone can do anything”, ionnalee says, reflecting on the ever-growing prevalence of the audiovisual format. “It can be beautiful, when it’s done purely in pursuit of creative motifs, but in many situations it is only really done because of the current perception that just being a musician is no longer enough and the music has to be dressed to the nines in order to be heard. My visuals have always been part of my creation and, yet - frustratingly - they are still often being perceived strictly as a promotional tool.”

Fulfilling and transformative as it was, the hectic and exhausting, non-stop cycle of work since the inception of iamamiwhoami has, cumulatively, taken its toll on the musician, resulting in significant stress and periods of depression. “I’ve been burnt out”, she admits, ruminating on an invariably stringent schedule, exacerbated by the pressures of running her own independent record label. “The independence I have has enabled me to be bold and innovative as an artist but, by default, it also often makes the workload overwhelming.”

Never one to go for the easy option, however, ionnalee made a defiant choice: “I wanted to bring out my insecurities instead of my strengths.”

The most significant source of insecurity and fear has, ultimately, proved to hinge on ionnalee’s health, as a cancer scare, numerous medical screenings and a subsequent diagnosis of a thyroid disorder exposed a serious possibility of permanent damage to the singer’s vocal chords.

Facing that real risk of not being able to sing in the future and the fear of losing her most important way of self-expression, there arose in ionnalee an even greater drive to produce something special and perdurable with EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN. “The thought of not being able to sing had never occurred to me. That would be like losing my gut”, she says.

For ionnalee this record not only had to be made, but it had to be made now and it had to bring in elements of her history in order to open a door to a hopeful thereafter. “I wanted to see who am I in the present, as a solo artist. I want a lifespan career and, for that, I need to make sure I’m clear about who I am as an artist now.”

To do this, she decided that, along with the album’s brand new compositions, she would hark back to older sounds and song elements that, despite never previously being released, stand as pivotal stepping stones in her career. “I wanted to connect with the beginning of iamamiwhoami and the evolution I’ve gone through since”, she says.

An instance in point is brand new single, ‘GONE’, which keen-eared followers will recognise as a reconfiguration of the fourth, so-called (by fans) ‘PAPACHOO’, prelude, put out by iamamiwhoami in February 2010, as a minute-long taster for what eventually became their audiovisual album, bounty.

Epitomising the evolutionary process of ionnalee, ‘GONE’ adopts one of the foundation stones of her previous incarnation and transforms it into a bustling and infectious full song, whose lyrics tap directly into the core of EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN and its resounding themes: “the songs that you sung / and the words that you meant / will be here when you are gone”, she prophesies on the chorus, as the verses gesture at the initial media circus concerning her identity (“the wonder who I am”) and the turmoil surrounding her health (“this mouth on me /and this voice against time”; “this weakening noise /will fade softly to silence”).

The track begins by establishing the prelude’s signature bottle percussion as an underlying rhythmic device and the synth-led, dramatic Baroque nuance beautifully complements ionnalee’s vulnerable voice in creating dark Renaissance electronica. The majestic, sweeping chorus quickly lodges itself in the mind’s ear with an instant grab, whilst the middle 8 showcases a soaring vocal performance.

The video for ‘GONE’ was directed by ionnalee together with John Strandh and is a key chapter in the longer visual narrative arc supporting EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN.

The album’s first taster came in February 2017 with ‘SAMARITAN’, a blunt eschewing of other people’s demands and presumptions, over which the artist has no control. Boasting a big and immediate pop chorus, ’SAMARITAN’ feels tailor-made for a record that is often conscious of and rebels against what is expected.

“I don’t think people should feel secure in their expectations of me”, ionnalee says. This is, for example, why effervescent sophistidisco, ‘NOT HUMAN’ (which was co-written with Com Truise), comes to an abrupt, surprising end as though inadvertently paused and also why recent, contemplative single, ‘SIMMER DOWN’, doesn’t have a video (previously, every iamamiwhoami track had its own visual counterpart, collectively amounting to an all-encompassing series dating back to 2009, which follows one evolving storyline from beginning to end).

As a lover of beats, bass and drums, ionnalee’s favourite part of producing her own material has been making up the rhythm sections, thinking outside of her own comfort zone. “I’ve had to push myself to learn how to not only be a good creative mind, but also a good technical producer, to be able to make things sound like they sounded in my head”, she says.

In terms of the arrangements and the record’s sonic direction, ionnalee was fascinated and influenced by baroque composition, which fits in with the sense of it being something of a requiem: “I drew from my background in sacral choir singing and merged it with my other great loves, industrial and spectral synths and old school hip hop beats”, she says. “I wanted it to be an album to grieve to but there is a fairness and innocence to the sound, which makes it hopeful in midst of the darkness. Producing this work is a proud moment for me as a musician.”

Offering solace in grief, EVERYONE AFRAID TO BE FORGOTTEN is a labour of love emanating from introspection as well as self- awareness. As with every one of her endeavours, ionnalee again seeks to find and make something that is different. “The album format is regarded by many as a thing of the past”, she says, “with tracks being the primary way of consuming music.” Her vision, instead, is to make a sustainable and epic album that will endure, rather than something that is easily digested and spat out shortly afterwards. “An imprint that will stand with time”, as she describes it.

“I would like to view this as the beginning of the rest of my career. I want to grow my audience in my way, without compromising and without having to turn myself inside out. There’s a bigger, more personal weight for me with this record and much, much more at stake.”

words by Doron Davidson-Vidavski October 2017

PREORDER ALBUM

[isaacbushkin]

Healed on @_narlycash_ Thanks everyone who has sent over healed photos! It makes me happy to see all my work out in the wild and in quarantine. I’ve checked out a little and have been struggling to reconcile what lies ahead. I am hopeful that the future will improve, but it seems like it may be a while yet. The human spirit will persevere, but it can be a real struggle some days. I am grateful for what I have, but the existential dread can be overwhelming at times. I worry frequently about loved ones who are at increasingly high risk of falling ill. I am learning to accept that there are many things in this world I have no control over. I believe that collectively we do have the power to change our world. I hope this is a moment in the history of our species, where we can re-envision a world that functions collectively for the greater good, and the health of our world isn’t quantified in economic terms. I have deep hope that we can migrate away from this capitalist system that ultimately creates a hostile environment for the majority and the illusion that people “own” things. We are just mortal vessel’s passing through a blip in the cosmos, a short story in the grand scheme of the universe and our perception of reality. We can achieve so much if we just focus our creative energy into creating a reality that is sustainable and equitable for all. I have been really inspired seeing everyone’s creative pursuits online. Our value is not one tied to a monetary system, but instead how we use our time to put amazing things out into the universe. Capitalism is a dying system. I believe we will transcend into a more incredible future...if we can only imagine it. Please stay safe, sane and healthy out there. Pour your compassion and empathy out into the universe. ❤️✌️☯️ #lifeinquarantine #endcapitalism #art #life #cosmicenergy https://www.instagram.com/p/B-QBOanhwvG/?igshid=17qes716zfx4p

[adventureswithmisslola-blog]

The Stubborn Heart and the Impossible Dream

Hello, my fellow dreamers! "Being stubborn can be a good thing. Being stubborn can be a bad thing. It just depends on how you use it."  — Willie Aames Have you been told you are stubborn? Or that your dreams are impossible? Well, I've been told both. I've always just chalked it up to my Italian heritage. However, stubbornness carries too much of a bad persona, but it can be quite an asset when it comes to your dreams. Stubborn people know what they want. Most aren't easily swayed by others and their opinions. In a way, it's good to have that side of you so you can stick to your values and dreams. Plus, you resist a surge of negative influence and, in the process, recognize your worth even more. A stubborn heart sees to it that the eyes fix themselves on life-goals that grant us absolute fulfillment. Despite all the negative factors that we meet along in life, it never falters to rise again. Everyone is blessed with a very special and unique gift of individuality. When it comes to our dreams, stubborn people pave their own path. Following your heart takes determination because the path of the heart tends to be fueled by intuition. It has a tendency to move towards the conventional and at times seem unconventional to others. However, having this trait, stubborn people move past all the onlookers and unbelievers. They stick to their guns because it allows them to detach from outside influences and pursue their passions. They are not close-minded people. They have a mind of their own, and they are very in tune with the universe and the beautiful nature around them. Whatever the case may be, stubborn people wholeheartedly chase their dreams. This can be a very valuable quality in life. Remember, this is YOUR life and being stubborn can be a very charming trait, because having the willingness to listen only to your heart creates a particular kind of magnetism when chasing what may seem impossible. People want to have the willpower to do exactly what it takes to have a fulfilling life and do what their hearts call for — to chase their passions on full force and not allow others to tell them otherwise. They also PERSEVERE so that they do not give up on their dreams and not give in to the temptations of abandoning a bright dream. You can use this to your advantage in all areas of your life. It will be good for you and your well-being to endure the rough patches in life and keep moving forward. As long as you are in tune with your values and pursuits you can go far! Perhaps, the best positive word to use for the word stubborn is STRONG-WILLED. It implies both strength and a powerful force of will. Be persistent in following your heart and do what makes you happy. We all have motivation, purpose, drive, creativity, and talent. All of which are recipes for PASSION in our lives. When you feel strongly about an idea, it's fine to be stubborn and fight for it until the end — even if it doesn't pan out mainly because your ideas are valid and your voice is allowed to be heard. There are people who want to hear what you have to say, even if doubt starts to grow. If something seems impossible, stubbornness can mean you have a "never quit" attitude. Thus, the impossible eventually becomes possible. It may be difficult for you to imagine, but sometimes your stubborn heart will inspire others. May my "never quit" attitude in my writing hopefully inspires people every week, as I pour my heart and soul into my articles and poetry. It's my PASSION that lights the fire in my soul, and I want to share it with the world. When others see your determination and the results you bring to your dreams, it will encourage them to do greater things as well. IMPOSSIBLE is not in the vocabulary of stubborn people. When someone tells me I  can't, my reaction is... just watch me! Being stubborn has carried me throughout the struggles of life. I have become a person that has been able to stay true to myself, my values, and my dreams. Being in tune with my morals, aspirations, and the things that I believe in have carried me to vast distance and has brought me much success. Remember, dreams are not realized in a day and have to be worked on consistently in order to make them a reality. The present moment is all any of us have. Make maximum use of each day and you will find success in whatever you choose to do. I believe the key to success is not considering how your dreams will benefit you, but rather how it can benefit others and the people in the world around you. Find your VOICE and SPEAK your truth. We can change the world one dream at a time! "You must do the things you think you cannot do." — Eleanor Roosevelt   Have you read my article about Enduring Hardships? Read the full article

[phynxrizng]

ASTROLOGY REPORTS AND HOROSCOPES FOR 7-2-17

ASTROLOGY TOOLS FREE NATAL CHART REPORT ABOUT CONTACT Astrology Cafe Daily Astrology

DAILY ASTROLOGY TODAY MONTHLY Astrology of Today – Sunday, July 2, 2017

Jul 1, 2017 by ANNIE LEAVE A COMMENT



The Moon is in Libra until 12:59 PM, after which the Moon is in Scorpio. The Moon is void from 9:16 AM to 12:59 PM. The Moon is waxing and in its First Quarter Moon phase. The First Quarter Moon occurred on June 30th, and a Full Moon will occur in Capricorn on July 9th. Times are EDT. Horoscopes Aries



Power struggles within the family circle or buried problems emerge today with a Mars-Pluto opposition, dear Aries. It can be difficult to relinquish control even if you know it’s for the best. Work or family matters can be heated and serve to rile you up. Take a deep breath and avoid obsessive thoughts that may border on paranoia now. Pressures will ease as you go forward, particularly if you aim to approach problems step by step. As the day progresses, excellent energy is with you, in fact, for pacing yourself, particularly with creative pursuits. This can be a good time for gentle discipline or boundary-building with others.

Taurus

Opinions can bother you quite deeply today, dear Taurus, and so can the words people choose to express themselves as Mars opposes Pluto across your communications sector this morning. You might consider that something may be hitting the nerve of a deeper issue if you’re getting worked up too much on what is said. Avoid confrontations if you can, as there is rather provocative energy with us today. However, it’s wise to observe and learn from frustrations that emerge and their trigger points. As the day advances, you’re in an excellent position to build trust in an intimate or close relationship as well as to add some structure to your home life. Improvements are in focus.

Gemini



Who’s doing their share, and who isn’t? These questions can take center stage today, dear Gemini, but the answers may not be rational or clear for the time being. As Mars opposes Pluto in your resources and sharing sectors this morning, matters related to the sharing of power or money can be tricky. Changes are necessary in an intimate relationship, and circumstances conspire to show you this fact. Conflicts over money or possessions may disguise deeper issues. As the day advances, you’ll find it easier to focus on what’s practical. It’s a good time to make reasonable and informed decisions in relationships. Partnering up to get something done makes the most sense now.

Cancer

Situations seem to be “either-or” this morning, dear Cancer, while a compromise, as elusive as it may seem, may be the best solution. You don’t want to tolerate being controlled, manipulated, or coerced right now. Stand your ground, and avoid playing the same game that others are playing. Buried frustrations may erupt or come to a head, and it can be a little tricky, but bringing something that seems dark into the light may very well be a surprising relief. As the day advances, it’s easier to focus on what needs doing. Practical matters fare much better today than emotional ones, which can be loaded.

Leo



Others may not be very cooperative in the first half of the day, dear Leo, and you may not be either! Stubbornness is likely to frustrate right now. Power struggles on the job might ensue, and the little things tend to irritate most, especially if there are disrupted schedules to deal with or if others are interfering with your methods or process. Seek peace and quiet away from the storm, but if you need to get something out in the open or out of your system, this may be your opportunity. As the day advances, you’re likely to let go of tension and pour your energy into projects over which you have more control. You can be in an especially productive frame of mind and might feel completely dedicated to a venture or a person. You may be showing your devotion through actions or in practical ways.

Virgo

People can demand a lot from you in the first half of the day, dear Virgo, but if you look more closely, it’s really about their insecurities and fear, as these things are likely to be driving their desire to control. You don’t need to prove yourself in the face of unreasonable demands. Calm reassurance is best. A romantic relationship or feelings and concerns about someone can become heated today. As the day advances, you’re inclined to seek out productive and constructive activities, however, and you’re less likely to dwell on emotional complications. Building relationships with family can be in focus. You may be helping others out, and your dedication is appreciated.

Libra



Any confrontations around you early today have control and power written all over them, dear Libra, and you may feel caught in the middle. There may also be tricky issues with family and authority figures to deal with now. Everyone seems to want their way, and few are conceding, which leads to rather tense scenarios. Don’t allow someone to try to control or manipulate you, but know how to approach the situation with care. As the day advances, you prefer to focus on building up your relationships or projects. Support of — or from — a friend may come through constructive conversations.

Scorpio



Misunderstandings in the first half of the day tend to stem from taking things — especially ideas, opinions, and words — too personally, dear Scorpio. Opt for self-control, even if you feel provoked. Consider intentions, and avoid impulsive moves right now. There is confrontational energy with us that can lead to a significant release, but try to be mindful of what you say and how you say it. As the day advances, you’re likely to tap into straightforward and productive energy for work, money, business, and practical affairs. Your choices are reasonable, and the more productive you are, the better you feel.

Sagittarius



Watch for impulsiveness with money, resources, or relationships in the first half of the day, dear Sagittarius, as chances are high that you may be making bad moves and poor choices, not to mention the general frustration that can ensue. Ownership matters — who owns what and who does what — can be issues on the table now and can lead to a tug of war situation that has no winners. However, as the day advances, you’re in a particularly excellent position to develop a pet project or your studies. You can be feeling good about your work and commitments and derive a sense of satisfaction from self-discipline.

Capricorn



Resist attempting to control someone today who is acting in a brash or pushy manner, dear Capricorn. Others’ behaviors seem to be assertions of independence or attempts to prove to you, in so many ways, that you’re not needed, and this can be frustrating. However, backing off is probably the better defense right now. Nobody wins when manipulative tactics are employed. Even so, if frustrations need a release, this may be the push to do so, but it’s better to do so mindfully. As the day advances, complex relationship dynamics are less of a concern as you interest yourself more in being productive. You may feel pleasantly devoted to someone or a pet project, or you can feel stronger for supporting someone now.

Aquarius



Stay clear of power struggles and confrontations today, dear Aquarius, as they seem to crop up all too quickly with the provocative energy of a Mars-Pluto influence this morning. Frustrations about schedules, duties, obligations, and lack of time to yourself can reach a head. Fears that you’re not doing enough or performing at your peak can undermine you now, making you feel tense, or you may worry about the discovery of a secret. Learn from what seems to trigger you today and work on a plan to tackle it gradually rather than succumb to pressures to deal with it all at once. As the day advances, you are in an excellent position to show your support and dedication to someone or a cause.

Pisces



A power struggle may occur early today, dear Pisces, likely involving a friend or lover, and may very well be about attention or recognition. Money or boundaries could also be an issue. It’s a butt your head against the wall type of energy, however, so nobody truly wins. You may feel it’s best to stay out of it, but if something needs releasing, this can be a time for turning a corner. Later today, you’re likely to feel pleasantly dedicated to your work or a program to improve health. Self-discipline comes more naturally than usual.

*Remember to read horoscopes for your Ascendant sign and Sun sign. If you don’t know your Ascendant sign and know your birth time, you can look it up here.

If Your Birthday is July 2nd, If Today is Your Birthday full horoscope here.

Astrology of Today – The Details: If you’re astrologically inclined and interested in the details of the Astrology of today, here are some of the factors considered in the forecasts (for the astrology of the week, see This Week in Astrology):







Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 12:59 pm Event: Moon enters Scorpio Description: The Moon in Scorpio Contemplate the deeper things in life. Avoid unnecessary conflict, but if it’s going to improve your life, go ahead and make waves. Tune in to your intuition. This is a good time for investigations, looking into a matter further, doing research, connecting to others with a shared passion, solving a mystery, and devising a strategy. When the Moon in Scorpio is strained, we may take our passions too far.

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 9:16 am Event: Moon goes void of course

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 3:40 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sxt Nod Description: Transiting Moon Sextile Transiting North Node A good time for dealing with the public, for making connections, and for taking positive steps towards a personal or professional goal. You are able to make changes. This is a feel-good time for embracing new opportunities.

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 6:18 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Tri Cer Description: Transiting Moon Trine Transiting Ceres We can be feeling pleasantly attached to, or supported by, our loved ones or family. We are seeking out security, nurturing, and warmth, and we are more likely to express these things towards others.

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 7:31 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Qnx Ven Description: Transiting Moon Quincunx Transiting Venus Love relationships or feelings can be unsettled. There can be a conflict experienced between family and friends/lovers, or between comfort and the pursuit of pleasure. Try to relax and not obsess, and show restraint.

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 9:16 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Opp Ura Description: Transiting Moon Opposition Transiting Uranus Life may be a little tense right now. Avoid willful behavior if the situation doesn’t call for it. Remain open to new possibilities and all will be revealed. There could be a surprising revelation or turning point. Unpredictable responses from others (and ourselves). Emotional eruptions are possible. Not a good time to make permanent decisions, particularly about relationships.

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 10:44 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Qnx Chi Description: Transiting Moon Quincunx Transiting Chiron Hurt feelings may be opportunities for healing. Now is the time for building bridges, not burning them.

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 11:23 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sqq Nep Description: Transiting Moon SesquiSquare Transiting Neptune If we are not in touch with our need for inspiration, beauty, compassion, connection to something otherworldly, or our spirituality, we could feel out of sorts right now. Relaxing, listening to music, getting close to nature, or taking a break may resolve this.

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 12:42 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Pll Nep Description: Transiting Moon Parallel Transiting Neptune

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 12:59 pm Event: Tr-Na Mon Cnj Sco Description: Transiting Moon Entering Scorpio Contemplate the deeper things in life. Avoid unnecessary conflict, but if it’s going to improve your life, go ahead and make waves. Tune in to your intuition. This is a good time for investigations, looking into a matter further, doing research, connecting to others with a shared passion, solving a mystery, and devising a strategy. When the Moon in Scorpio is strained, we may take our passions too far.

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 4:19 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Opp Pal Description: Transiting Moon Opposition Transiting Pallas We can be at odds with one another over a mental or intellectual matter, belief, or idea now. It takes extra effort to understand one another.

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 9:12 am Event: Tr-Tr Sun Opp Jun Description: Transiting Sun Opposition Transiting Juno Problems in a relationship, likely to do with power dynamics, may reach some sort of head right now, and a confrontation is possible. We may have difficulty relating to one another if we are not treating each other as equals. There can be temptations to manipulate in order to get our way. There can be jealousy or lack of trust that interferes with healthy interactions. Conceding may feel as if we are giving up something of ourselves, but coming to a balance or compromise is quite possible now.

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 7:29 am Event: Tr-Tr Mer Qnx Sat Description: Transiting Mercury Quincunx Transiting Saturn Delays, uncertainty, or second-guessing ideas and decisions can slow us down. Adjustments or reassessments may need to be made now, particularly related to important and realistic details that need our attention. Communications may miss the mark.

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 4:20 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mer Pll Mar Description: Transiting Mercury Parallel Transiting Mars

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 8:02 am Event: Tr-Tr Mar Opp Plu Description: Transiting Mars Opposition Transiting Pluto We may be looking for the upper hand and resisting others’ control. Resentments come to the surface. Competitive feelings.

Date & Time: Jul 2 2017 4:11 pm Event: Tr-Tr Sat Tri Ves Description: Transiting Saturn Trine Transiting Vesta We can be feeling good about our work, obligations, and commitments, which are seen not as burdens, but rather as purposeful activities. Independent work is favored. We are more disciplined and efficient.

Strong Signs, Elements, Modes CANCER STRONG Nurturing, protective, tenacious, emotional sensitive, watery, strong roots. Can be overly protective, unwilling to let go, timid, reclusive. LIBRA STRONG Even-handed, harmonious, artistic, diplomatic, balancing, strong sense of fairness. Can be over- compromising, appeasing, judgmental.

BALANCE OF ELEMENTS

FIRE WEAK We are not very goal-oriented right now, or motivation to pursue our goals may be waning/lacking. Changes feel overwhelming. Enthusiasm may be low, we argue less, and we think more than we take action. WATER STRONG We are more compassionate, emotional, and intuitive than usual, and we may react emotionally to situations, possibly at the expense of logic or practicality.

BALANCE OF MODES

CARDINAL STRONG We are ready to take action and to take on challenges, and can become frustrated with stagnant conditions. FIXED WEAK We may be open to change but may not have much follow-through. MUTABLE WEAK We can have a hard time adapting to changes and to others’ agendas.

LUNAR PHASE: FIRST QUARTER Moon from 90 to 135 degrees ahead of the Sun. We are motivated to take action, perhaps due to a clash, conflict, or stress, as we are more aware of problems and differences now. Plans are beginning to take off or turn a corner. We should watch for pushing too hard.

The following aspects (major only) and positions are at noon (EDT) on July 2nd: Note that when an aspect is applying, it has not yet happened but is within orb – it’s pending. When an aspect is separating, it has already happened/perfected and is moving away from the aspect. Depending on the speed of the planet/body involved, the aspect will have perfected–or will perfect–in a matter of hours (often the case with the Moon), days, months, and possibly years in the case of the very slow-moving outer planets and bodies.

Note that the Moon moves at a rate of approximately one degree every 2 hours, so that if an aspect involving the Moon is applying and has an orb of 5 degrees, the aspect will perfect (be exact) in about 10 hours. If the Moon is separating from an aspect with an orb of 2 degrees, it has already formed said aspect approximately 4 hours ago (since the following are positions at noon today, then it would have occurred at about 8 AM today).

**I suggest paying close attention to applying  aspects. The energy of the aspect builds as it gets closer to exact. Once an aspect involving inner planets has happened, it’s over.  Separating aspects are good to know for context, but in terms of energy that is with us today, applying aspects are most important. (This is the case for daily astrology influences involving inner planets, which pass quickly, and not natal astrology aspects, which are with us for a lifetime).

THE MOON

THE MOON IN LIBRA We are focused on our relationships, and finding balance, peace, and harmony in our personal environment under this influence.

30TH DEGREE OF LIBRA Part of Body: Left ureter Sabian Symbol: Three mounds of knowledge on a philosopher’s head.

ASPECTS OF THE MOON SQUARE MERCURY Orb 5°51′ Separating It’s difficult to make decisions now as emotional needs and wants tend to conflict with what we feel are the most logical choices. Judgment may be skewed by emotions or personal bias.

OPPOSITION URANUS Orb 1°22′ Separating We can be moody, swinging between wanting to belong and wanting to be different or independent. We can feel a little off-balance if schedules and people around us are unpredictable or changing; or, we are restless with the usual routine and want to create some kind of stir.

QUINCUNX CHIRON Orb 0°38′ Separating We could be misjudging our sensitivity levels and making poor choices as a result. Decisions made now may not reflect our hearts, and can be regrettable later on.

THE SUN

THE SUN IN CANCER Our attention is turned to our nest – our families, homes, and anything that makes us feel at home, safe, and secure. We take more pride in these things. We are more inclined to nurture and take care of our loved ones and our pet projects.

11TH DEGREE OF CANCER Part of Body: Gastric veins Sabian Symbol: A clown making grimaces.

ASPECTS OF THE SUN CONJUNCTION MARS Orb 7°28′ Applying We are more direct, spontaneous, and impulsive now, but can also be too self-focused and impatient.

SQUARE JUPITER Orb 3°02′ Applying There can be exaggerated good moods or a tendency to go over the top now. Clashes of ego can occur.

TRINE NEPTUNE Orb 3°14′ Applying We are able to see matters, and people, from a perspective that allows for, and finds beauty in, differences. We may be recognizing our more charitable, altruistic, and compassionate urges.

OPPOSITION PLUTO Orb 7°21′ Applying We may be struggling with issues of power and competition. There can be a feeling that external circumstances are undermining our own feeling of powerfulness. Through our encounters and reactions, we may be able to get in touch with our internal motivations.

MERCURY

MERCURY IN CANCER You place importance on communication within the family. Information about your family and its background is also important to you. For instance you may like to collect family photos or study family history. You look after yourself and others by communicating emotional issues.

24TH DEGREE OF CANCER Part of Body: Blood vessels of digestive organs Sabian Symbol: A woman and two men on a bit of sunlit land facing south.

ASPECTS OF MERCURY CONJUNCTION MARS Orb 5°13′ Separating Questions are raised, discussions can become heated, and there can be nervous excitement now. Enthusiasm is strong, particularly for ideas and topics. Impulsive speech or other communications, and possibly lacking in sensitivity. Resourcefulness.

QUINCUNX SATURN Orb 0°22′ Separating Delays, uncertainty, or second-guessing ideas and decisions can slow us down. Adjustments or reassessments may need to be made now, particularly related to important and realistic details that need our attention. Communications may miss the mark.

SQUARE URANUS Orb 4°28′ Applying Original ideas but perhaps too radical or disorganized, or perceived as such. There can be mental or nervous tension experienced now. Mistakes can be made due to impatience.

OPPOSITION PLUTO Orb 5°20′ Separating We can experience pressure to decide or come to a conclusion. Second-guessing and suspicion are possible now.

TRINE CHIRON Orb 5°13′ Applying We can be more understanding and sympathetic to others now, particularly when it comes to sensitivity with what or how we communicate. We might talk or learn about healing methods.

VENUS

VENUS IN TAURUS For you romance and reliability go hand in hand. You approach relationships slowly and steadily, looking for someone who will prove solid and secure. You enjoy sensuality, and are reliable with finances.

28TH DEGREE OF TAURUS Part of Body: Deltoid muscle and main neck muscles Sabian Symbol: A mature woman reawakened to romance.

ASPECTS OF VENUS SEXTILE CHIRON Orb 1°25′ Applying You are a caring and loving partner. You understand your partner’s struggles.

MARS

MARS IN CANCER We are less likely to move straightforwardly towards our desires now. Our emotional moods especially affect the pursuit of our goals. We are a little more cautious and conservative under this influence, but we will fight for, about, or on behalf of those people and things that are dearest to our heart.

19TH DEGREE OF CANCER Part of Body: Ampulla of bile duct Sabian Symbol: A priest performing a marriage ceremony.

ASPECTS OF MARS SQUARE JUPITER Orb 4°25′ Separating Our fighting, defending spirits are strong. We might be on a crusade. We could be too quick to take offense or to make judgments. Avoid unnecessary conflict and overreaching. Direct excess energy into positive enterprises for positive results rather than adding more to your agenda.

TRINE NEPTUNE Orb 4°13′ Separating Inspiration might be found now, and our intuition is strong. There can be letting go of anger, or a softening of the disposition. Creative arts, particularly physical ones, are favored.

OPPOSITION PLUTO Orb 0°06′ Separating We may be looking for the upper hand and resisting others’ control. Resentments come to the surface. Competitive feelings.

JUPITER

JUPITER IN LIBRA You have a strong concern for justice. You are a diplomatic teacher, and express your spiritual values in your relationships.

14TH DEGREE OF LIBRA Part of Body: Left inguinal lymph nodes Sabian Symbol: A noon siesta.

ASPECTS OF JUPITER QUINCUNX NEPTUNE Orb 0°11′ Applying You feel a call to serve others perhaps through a profession or through religion. You will need to learn what is reasonable to do for others, and what is over stepping the boundary of your responsibility.

SQUARE PLUTO Orb 4°18′ Applying You will need to learn to have confidence in yourself even when life deals you a few blows. You range from over confident to completely lacking in confidence. The truth lies somewhere in between.

SATURN

SATURN IN SAGITTARIUS Saturn in Sagittarius asks us to take on the responsibility of living according to our personal truths and principles — and to be loyal to these. This is a time for turning a critical eye to those beliefs and principles that don’t accurately reflect our authentic selves. (December 23, 2014, to June 14, 2015, then September 17, 2015, to December 20, 2017)

24TH DEGREE OF SAGITTARIUS Part of Body: Popliteal fossa Sabian Symbol: A bluebird standing at the door of the house.

ASPECTS OF SATURN TRINE URANUS Orb 4°51′ Separating You have a talent for investigation. You look at new ideas and are able then to put them into action. In business you achieve much in your own independent way.

URANUS

URANUS IN ARIES The urge to start fresh, to break free from restrictive attitudes or circumstances, to totally redesign an area of our lives (or even our personalities), and to gain freedom through independence is strong during this cycle. (May 27, 2010, to August 13, 2010, then March 11th, 2011, to May 15, 2018, then November 6, 2018, to March 6, 2019).

29TH DEGREE OF ARIES Part of Body: Auditory canal Sabian Symbol: A celestial choir singing.

NEPTUNE

NEPTUNE IN PISCES A long-term influence in which fantasy, imagination, compassion, and spirituality are in stronger focus. (April 4, 2011, to August 4, 2011, then February 3, 2012, to March 30, 2025, then October 22, 2025, to January 26, 2026)

15TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Left cutaneous veins Sabian Symbol: An officer preparing to drill his men.

PLUTO

PLUTO IN CAPRICORN Tests of our boundaries; breaking down and rebuilding structures and rules. (From January 25, 2008, to June 14, 2008, then November 26, 2008, to March 23, 2023, then June 11, 2023, to January 20, 2024, then September 1, 2024, to November 19, 2024).

19TH DEGREE OF CAPRICORN Part of Body: Ligaments of left knee Sabian Symbol: A child of about five with a huge shopping bag.

Chiron, Major Asteroids, and Moon’s Nodes: in Sign and in Aspect CHIRON

CHIRON IN PISCES

Strong awareness of our own vulnerabilities and humanity stimulates compassion for others. (April 20 to July 20, 2010, then February 8, 2011, to April 17, 2018, then September 25, 2018, to February 18, 2019).

29TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Toenails of right foot Sabian Symbol: A prism.

VESTA

VESTA IN LEO You work most creatively when left to your own devices. You feel pride in your work and can be inspired by romance and fun. Play and work are closely linked for you.

24TH DEGREE OF LEO Part of Body: Papillary muscles Sabian Symbol: A yogi with transcendent powers yet untidy & unkempt.

PALLAS

PALLAS IN TAURUS You have the ability to see the beauty in nature and the arts. You have much common sense and wisdom. You may become involved in either healing with your hands, or healing the earth through environmental movements.

2ND DEGREE OF TAURUS Part of Body: Palate Sabian Symbol: An electrical storm..

JUNO

JUNO IN CAPRICORN You want a partner who you can respect, and who respects you. You seek long-term commitment and may marry later in life.

11TH DEGREE OF CAPRICORN Part of Body: Left cruciate ligaments Sabian Symbol: Pheasants display their brilliant colors on a vast lawn.

CERES

CERES IN GEMINI You like those close to you to share their feelings and thoughts and to listen to you. You share information with your loved ones to show them you care. You will suffer when others refuse to talk.

27TH DEGREE OF GEMINI Part of Body: Fingers Sabian Symbol: A young gypsy emerging from the woods gazes at far cities.

THE NORTH NODE

THE NORTH NODE IN LEO This a quest to develop your inner strength. You may find that you experience times of loneliness. These times are part of your lesson to forge your own creative life in order to give generously to the world.

26TH DEGREE OF LEO Part of Body: Myocardium Sabian Symbol: As light breaks through the clouds, a perfect rainbow forms.

THE SOUTH NODE

THE SOUTH NODE IN AQUARIUS This a quest to develop your inner strength. You may find that you experience times of loneliness. These times are part of your lesson to forge your own creative life in order to give generously to the world.

26TH DEGREE OF AQUARIUS Part of Body: Right fibula Sabian Symbol: A hydrometer.

*** CONJUNCTIONS TO SELECT FIXED STARS ***

Transits Jul 2, 2017 – Event Chart

Aspects to Mercury 23°Cn38 +23°13′ Cnj 23°Cn26 POLLUX Pain of creativity, competitive

Aspects to Saturn 23°Sg15 -21°56′ Cnj 22°Sg41 RAS ALHAGUE The desire to heal a wound.

Aspects to Chiron 28°Pi51 +03°08′ Cnj 29°Pi37 SCHEAT To be a thinker or intellect

Aspects to Pallas 01°Ta38 +01°14′ Cnj 00°Ta38 MIRACH In harmony to be receptive



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Sun 11°  Cancer 23' 36" Moon 05°  Scorpio 03' 56" Mercury 24°  Cancer 32' 26" Venus 27°  Taurus 56' 33" Mars 18°  Cancer 43' 24" Jupiter 14°  Libra 01' 37" Saturn 23°  Sagittarius 14' 00" R Uranus 28°  Aries 08' 08" Neptune 14°  Pisces 11' 26" R Pluto 18°  Capricorn 18' 02" R Chiron 28°  Pisces 51' 50" R TrueNode 25°  Leo 14' 14" R SUBSCRIBE TO BLOG VIA EMAIL

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[twelvesignsrp]

congratulations tabi, cancer is now samuel wade with the faceclaim neels visser

APPLICATION

   Character Sign: Cancer

   Character name: Samuel Wade

   Birthday: 7/7/1997

   Sexuality: bisexual                                                                                        

   Gender: male

   Moon Sign: Pisces Moon – he’s someone who needs fantasy, compassion, escape, and creative outlets more than anything else in the world. he can go a little stir-crazy at times, which is why it’s important for him to have security as well, but he can be extremely hard to pin down and read when he gets into one of his darker moods. sometimes he feels he is best left on his own, even though he wishes he could connect better, but he knows he needs to figure out how to navigate his own soul before he can really reach out to others around him. he is and will always be drawn to artistic, sensual and spiritual pursuits.

   Faceclaim: Neels Visser

   Power: future illustration – it’s not so much any sort of clear image that splashes itself across his mind and forces him to recreate it on any surface available, it’s more like some sort of gut feeling, almost unnoticeable sometimes until he’s practically finished with it. the urge to draw or paint something is as familiar and ingrained in him as the need to breath or his body’s need for blood from his heart—it’s something stuck just beneath the layers of his skin, and he doesn’t even think about it until he looks down and realizes he’s drawn something that ends up coming true a little while later. he does it without thinking most of the time, but then there are a few dark midnights, sleepless nights when the kaleidoscope mess tries to seep out through his fingertips, the drive to create something much stronger than his need to sleep. the talent for art has always been there inside of him, the magic just decided to adhere itself to that.

   What do they study? Art Appreciation

   Biography:

rule 1: schizophrenia is hereditary.

you wouldn’t think that to look at Marie Mason though, as she smiles and walks slowly down the aisle to marry the man who has stolen her heart and all her inhibitions and reservations about love. they’ve thrown themselves into this wedding, adored each other endlessly, despite the family secret she keeps from him, hoping on every star in the sky and any god in heaven that somehow, maybe the curse will pass her by unaffected. maybe their love is stronger than her genetics, maybe his kiss will break the evil spell, the ticking time-bomb on her mind. and after all, doesn’t everyone deserve a happy, fairytale ending? the Beatles sang “all you need is love” and they both agree wholeheartedly, because this feels absolute between the two of them. there is nothing that can get in the way of their union.

rule 2: love is not stronger than madness.

no one bears the brunt of her mental decay as much as her first-born son Samuel, especially in the first seven years of his life. he learns to run quickly, hide perfectly, play games that make no sense and have no rules. he has to think on his feet, tell stories without endings, anything he can do to please her, to help her, to make her love him—or at least remind her that she once did love him. it comes and goes sometimes, and he suffers in school for it, despite how much money his father pours into his education.

what father doesn’t seem to understand is that, yes, she does have many good, long stretches of sanity, weeks when she is fine, she is stable, she is operational, and Samuel enjoys these times because that’s when their family love dynamic actually feels real. but those times never really last long enough, they are just the minute gasps for breaths the universe takes before exploding again. his mother and his little brother, younger by three years, and him can all go to the park and have picnics, and he doesn’t have to think about how Jacob is already a better reader than he is. Jacob is better at a lot of things, but Samuel’s sheer amount of personality ensures his place as older brother. he can also draw better than anyone else in his class, but no one is as much a fan of his work as Jacob is, and Samuel is sure that nothing in the world can break the two of them apart.

that’s why when the doctors finally come and take their mother away while she is screaming and thrashing around, like a demon straight out of hell, Samuel holds onto Jacob’s hand tight enough that neither of them have to notice that their father can’t even look at them. Samuel is terrified that one day he’ll grow up to be as cold and distant as that man, but he’s even more scared about his mother’s genetic lotto win taking root in him.

rule 3: nothing in this world is in your control.

caution: contents are hot. he lets himself ride the waves of adolescence, boiling over with too much freezer-burn chemicals. like a sunflower, he is all brightness on the outer rim, the edges of him oozing glamour and laughter and just enough coyness to keep others interested, but in the center is dark, dark inflorescence, drying and dying out in the sun. he can feel himself changing as puberty takes over, shifting him into the kind of boy who stares at other people too long and lets himself fall into chaos too quickly. he falls in love too hard and lets it drive him to the edge of his mental cliff time and time again, because maybe if he gets used to it out here, it won’t be so bad when he finally tumbles down off it. he lives his life in fear of madness, which gives him a bit of wild freedom, but mostly just makes him want to cave in on himself.

his turmoil breathes life into the only part of him left that’s still beating; drawing and painting. he spends hours on it, creates everything from abstract memories of dreams to landscapes and fruits. it’s an incredibly forgiving art, but nothing about that sentiment lets him sleep a full night through, unburdened by nightmares.

his father comes to him one day after he’s turned eighteen and tells him he expects good grading scores from his high school so that he can enroll in a well-accredited university next fall—a university that has already been picked out for him. Samuel hadn’t intended to go to college, actually, because he wanted to start selling his art as soon as possible, but he doesn’t have the means or support system around him to venture off on his own, the way he wishes he did. he’s too easily persuaded to attend, but he manages to hold his own when it comes to which classes to choose. his father wants him to become a doctor, and follow in his footsteps of becoming a surgeon. for that entire summer, he starts bringing his oldest son to his hospital with him, making him watch the surgeries sometimes, hoping that the drive to cut people open and fix them will somehow seep into Samuel via osmosis. it’s total hell to the eighteen-year-old, and it doesn’t convince him to change his college schedule at all.

rule 4: with great power comes great responsibility.

not very far into his experience at durham, things begin to change. at first, he thinks “this is it, i’m finally losing it,” when he sees the exact same car-wreck scene on the news as what he had drawn earlier that morning. he thinks maybe it’s a coincidence, maybe a fluke, maybe some kind of déjà vu. he sets the picture on fire and smokes a cigarette as he watches it burn, his heart pounding in his chest, the fear like freezing fingers wrapping around his lungs, suffocating him. it’s not long though before it happens again, and again, and again—the things he draws becoming real somehow, and he begins to worry whether he’s drawing the future or creating it through his drawings.

it takes about a month or two, after he really starts taking action based on the paintings and drawings, that he realizes he is shaping only one version of the future, and that by simply knowing about it and doing something with that knowledge, it can be changed; which is a huge relief. so he starts acting on his abilities, working to fix whatever seems wrong, warn whoever he needs to, avoid the pitfalls he can see coming. he very rarely anymore draws the things he wants to, but it’s okay because this is more important anyway, and his skills at detail and coloring are getting better, sharper, clearer.

but with each new picture he puts his whole soul into, he feels it leave him just a little bit more. it’s a well-known fact that talent and survival cannot exist harmoniously inside one body; eventually something has to give. nothing is stronger than madness, he controls nothing in this world.

and schizophrenia is hereditary.

   Five interesting facts about your character:

I. he has grown up with a mild form of dyslexia, making him very uncomfortable reading things. he struggled through it all throughout high school, oftentimes bullshitting his way through tests and literature classes. whenever he was called upon to read something from the books, he would always play it off as something silly, like making up the words and story as he went, often getting in minor bits of trouble for it. whenever it was really important that he learn the material, he just looked up youtube videos for it. he still needs to do that sometimes. II. he calls his little brother Jacob every week, just to check up on him. he hates being so far away from his brother, really the only member of his family that he ever connected with. his brother looks up to him a lot, even though Sam has no idea why anyone would. III. he lives off of a steady diet of ramen and code-red mountain dew. he knows he should eat better, but he’s too young to care about health food and he’s been blessed with a fantastic metabolism. plus, he doesn’t know how to cook and he can’t be bothered to learn. IV. he does work out though, whenever he can, and even though his choice of exorcise is boxing mostly, he wishes he could get more into martial arts, like taekwondo or jujitsu. V. secretly loves super nerdy stuff, like anime and comic books, but he tries his best to keep all that under wraps, stuffed into the bottom of one of his pants drawers, because he is scared of what people will think of him if they knew. he wants to be chill, not looked at like he’s crazy.

   Character Quote:

“lie with me under

the sweeping sky that

forgets us

there is no other kind of death

destroy me if you must.”

–inkskinned.tumblr.com

   If your character had a patronus what would it be? and why? his patronus is a dapple-grey stallion. it means his passion for the things he loves is hard to beat, he becomes very involved in his friends, family, hobbies and studies. he can be very sensitive and emotional, getting hurt easily and often feeling melancholy for very little reason. however, this emotional enlightenment allows him to understand others and empathize extremely well, while also being very creative and intelligent.

WRITING SAMPLE

Samuel stared at the lines on the wooden door in front of him, his eyes wide but unmoving– stagnant just like the rest of his entire body. he was supposed to be moving, supposed to be a man of action by now, like he had told himself countless times to be. he’d spent the better part of the morning looking into a mirror, practicing the lines he was about to say, going over what sounds best, the exact type of words to formulate, anything that didn’t sound creepy or desperate. he wanted to be one of those guys who were able to just go after whatever they want, no hesitation, no overthinking.

but he wasn’t. he wasn’t a man of action, he wasn’t a man of anything– he was just standing here in front of his classmate’s door like an idiot, completely immobile because his nervousness had rooted him to her welcome mat. he was supposed to knock on the door ten minutes ago. he should have already gotten this done and over with by now but instead he couldn’t stop staring at the lines in the door and thinking about how heartbroken he was going to be as soon as she rejected him.

she had no idea how hard he’d been working up the courage to do this. how long he’d spent practicing his tone of voice or his smile. he wanted everything to be perfect and if he messed this up…. he might never have forgiven himself. he had already messed up so many other relationships and lost so many opportunities with her already this semester. he wanted to move forward. he wanted to show her how much he liked her.

he slowly inhaled a breath, lifting his fist up to knock on the door, but he couldn’t make contact. maybe he could do this next week. there would still be a next week, right? there was always next week– next month– next year. except what if she moved away or dropped out of school? what if she got a boyfriend? and then he’d have to see them together in the hallways, think about how she liked to be kissed, think about whether she was being treated well enough. he was not keen on this idea.

but knocking on this door was about as easy as fitting his whole arm into his mouth. how did other people seem to do this so damn easily? he always saw it in movies and things, guys being assertive and girls being spunky but accepting. things always worked out in movies though, whereas real life was often messier, especially in those first few steps of a relationship.

relationship? maybe he shouldn’t have been thinking about that word just yet—it was still pretty early. he hadn’t even managed to ask her out yet. hadn’t even knocked on the goddamn door. he huffed again, the nervous fluttering and pounding in his chest only getting worse.

he lifted his fist up again, an inch or two away, when the door suddenly opened and there she was, a bag of trash in her hand, and there he was, his arm raised like an idiot. “i…! oh..! hi..” his palms immediately started sweating as panic set in and his fight-or-flight instinct started telling him to turn and run. his feet however, were still painfully glued to this spot. “i, uh… i was just about to knock… on your door….” he slowly lowered his hand, feeling like a deer in the headlights. “obviously.”

[valomile]

“Even when we are not doing work, there is work being done within” – Artist Interview with Lee Meszaros

Image: #eauclaireresin pendant with forget-me-nots, handmade by Lee Meszaros. You can learn more about Lee and see more visuals of her work on lee-meszaros.com. Lee also has an Instagram (@leemeszaros), and an online shop at leemeszaros.storenvy.com.

Forget-me-nots swimming in a tiny wearable world of resin, a merit badge awarded for your specialty in being, as they say, like bump in a log, the scent of a cabin in the woods, warm with suede and cedar—these are all things that Lee Meszaros makes in her home and garden in Brantford, Ontario.  Through handmade artist multiples, Lee celebrates childhood experiences with nature and the humour of human bonds.

In early 2016, I had the pleasure of hearing Lee talk about her work in my arts business class at Sheridan, and a few months later, I was eyeing her resin jewelry at the White Elephant here in Hamilton, one of a handful of retailers across North America that carry Lee’s work. I finally bought one of her forget-me-not necklaces as a birthday present to myself, and it remains one of my favourite pieces. Here are a few things I asked Lee about what she does:

“I took private sewing lessons from one of my mom's friends and made all of my own prom dresses and ridiculous wide leg jeans.”

Valentin: What do you think got you started making the things that you do?

Lee: I realized a few years ago that making has always been my default way of supporting and expressing myself.  When I was in elementary school I would make it my summertime business every year to make a mountain of art and crafts to submit to as many categories as humanly possibly at the local fair, with extra attention paid to the bigger cash prize categories. In high school I took private sewing lessons from one of my mom's friends and made all of my own prom dresses and ridiculous wide leg jeans.  From high school I went on to Sheridan to study textiles formally, and from there my silk screening and embroidery work followed.  I took a hard left two years ago when I moved to the country, dropped my textile focus and moved into an entirely new creative area of fresh flowers and resin. This came from moving into my grandma's house and taking over her beautiful but neglected rose garden, where I became so inspired by the magic of flowers, and a pull to work with them creatively.

Valentin: What has your professional journey looked like over the years? Would you describe it as a meandering path, a knife fight, a bit of both, or something else entirely? Do you view your personal and professional journeys as intertwined, or completely separate?

Lee: I would say that my professional journey is closer to a meandering path that is definitely intrinsically linked to my personal life and struggles.  Being in charge of a business isn't something that comes naturally to me—making the work is where I get my fulfillment and joy—but obviously both halves are needed to succeed in making things as a source of income.  I've found that my business succeeds and suffers right along with me.  If I am personally having a hard time, it is nearly impossible to motivate myself to be creative.  If I'm personally flourishing, it's in these times that I'm able to see my business with rose coloured glasses and take it to new places and make bold decisions with confidence.  There have been times where I wished so much that my work and my personal life could be separate, how much easier would that make my path to 'success'! But over time I've learned to see it all as a beautiful dance that is always working to teach me things.  It is often in the lowest, darkest times that my subconscious is working out the plans for me to enact once the clouds clear.  It's been a very important lesson to learn that even when we aren't doing the work, there is work being done within.

Valentin: What kind of education, internships, or mentorships have you pursued?

Lee: My educational path started with one misguided year of Art History & English studies at a large and faceless university, where it became painfully obvious to me that I needed to be working with my hands and needed to be taught usable skills.  I went to Sheridan College for the Crafts & Design program to study textiles.  After graduation from Sheridan I went to NSCAD in Halifax to finish my BFA (they allowed me to apply my Sheridan credits toward the degree, leaving me with 1.5 years to finish) where I broadened my studies to Interdisciplinary so that I could investigate illustration and book arts in addition to textiles.  Since leaving NSCAD I haven't sought out any further studies, mostly because I've never been sure where I fit into the scheme of things, the hard binaries of art mediums.

“I've tried to create work that captures a moment, an accomplishment, a feeling that we would like to keep.”

Valentin: What is it about yourself that you find helps you the most in making your work?

Lee: I think my nostalgic tendencies are an incredibly strong linking component in all the work I've done. I've tried to create work that captures a moment, an accomplishment, a feeling that we would like to keep.  The emotional connection to my Be Proud merit badges was one of the main forces in their warm reception into the marketplace.  They brought people back to childhood feelings but within a new grown context, and that was very special.  My Eau Claire resin work that I am now immersed in follows suit in capturing natural magic that is historically ephemeral, in resin.  This emotional connection to beauty and to personal identity is a driving force I recognize in myself.

Valentin: What is the most important piece of advice you have received about making things?

Lee: The most important advice I've received was early on, and it was to not be afraid to show your work and get it out there.  When creative folk are first starting out there is often this fear of talking or showing off your ideas for fear that someone else will take that idea and run with it.  I've learned how baseless this fear is, and how important it is to know that everyone has the same ideas all of the time; very few ideas are truly one of a kind. The most important element of the idea is that it’s YOURS, only you will make the aesthetic decisions to execute this idea, and that alone makes it unique and worth pursuing.

Valentin: What is your workspace like? As part of your practice, you collect a lot of found material—dried flowers, stones—and I am wondering how you organize and take care of your collections?

Lee: My work space is divided up into three spaces currently: first there is the built-in bar in my living room that I have made into an art and craft supply heaven, cupboards stuffed with all the lesser used supplies, my Hungarian textile collection, and all of my business files, topped with a three-sided counter for spreading out and working.  The second space is upstairs in the sun porch where my 'messy' table is—a work surface for pouring resin and silk screening. My third workspace is outside in the garden, where I've been cultivating a collection of small preservable flower varieties to use in my resin work.  I keep my collection of preserved flowers in airtight labeled containers to extend them as long as possible.  I keep the gemstones I collect to include with the flowers in a little labeled bead organizer.  Organization and labeling is key when I'm working with so many moving parts, and keeping a schedule of flowers and their blooming periods is essential.

Valentin: What is your typical day like?

Lee: My typical day depends so much on the seasons: in the winter when the garden is dormant I am working on the business side of things—organization, ordering findings, making order forms, creating my wholesale business, updating my website (still on the to-do list...).  In the spring and summer I am more in work-mode, so I wake up as early as I can and head right out to the garden before anything else.  I work for 1-2 hours while listening to podcasts, and then I come inside, get cleaned up and start my creative day.  There are a lot of stages to this work, so I could be working on preserving flowers, pouring resin, sanding, gluing, packaging or mailing, depending on the outstanding orders I have to fill.  Working from home and be tricky, as I have a tendency to get tunnel vision and just work away at a task regardless of the time.

Valentin: How do you deal with the discomfort of taking on new skills, such as working with resin, in order to make new things? Is there ever a time where pouring resin isn't terrifying?

Lee: Taking on new tasks can be so intimidating. I've found I often need to sit on an idea and think it over for months, working out all the parts, the supplies I'll need, and the aesthetic I am in pursuit of.  I had been thinking of working with resin for over a year before I finally sat down and poured for the first time, and I was just electric with a mix of excitement and fear of failure.  Aside from a couple of Google searches and one old book, I taught myself about resin from top to bottom, and I am by no means done learning.  It's humbling to take on a new medium and learn all of its ins and outs, and the pride that comes from solving a problem is immense.  After a few months pouring resin turned from scary to just plain exciting and it remains my favourite part of the process.

“I wanted to make work I myself could afford, and would want to buy, not as a gift, but for myself to make me feel good.”

Valentin: What do you think you will be making when you're 90?

Lee: I can only imagine!  I have no question that this is my life long pursuit—I will always be making and trying to express myself through objects.  When my work was more focused in embroidery and fine hand work I used to worry that I wouldn't be able to be creative in this way when I was older and my motor functions decline, and I would worry that without those skills I would be nothing.  But after switching to my current resin work it made me realize that there are endless mediums to inspire me, and that regardless of the physical limitations that naturally come with age, I'll find a way.

Valentin: What is a question that no one asks about your work?

Lee: One thing that I haven't been asked about Eau Claire resin is in regards to my intentionally low price points.  I wanted to make work that was beautiful AND affordable, which is such a tricky balance to strike when working in handmade.  I wanted to make work I myself could afford, and would want to buy, not as a gift, but for myself to make me feel good.  Having worked for so many years making Be Proud merit badges that were predominately a gift item, I was so attracted to the idea of personal adornment, of women celebrating themselves. In hearing stories back from my wonderful retailers about young children coming in with their piggy banks, spending their hard saved dollars on a piece of my work for a friend or a mother... It’s everything.  Making work that is magical and inspiring to young girls makes me feel so complete. 

Lee Meszaros brings a charming, woodsy aesthetic to not only her work but in how she has expressed herself to me in her stories: the summertime crafting, the revival of the rose garden handed down to her from her grandma, the “natural magic,” as she puts it, that she casts in resin. I am encouraged by her honesty about her journey as an artist, and I think it would be interesting to talk to more artists about their work. It’s meaningful to hear from other young artists, especially ones who share similar motivations—nature, whimsy, interdisciplinary study—and to be reminded that no one can steal my ideas because it is my execution of them that makes them my own, to be reassured that the way that we work changes with the seasons. There is always work to be done, inside and out.

Interview by Valentin Brown.

[by-ethan-fox]

“Why people latch onto representation” A story about the 1990s, videogames, anime & Magic: The Gathering

One of the things I often read, when people complain about LGBTQIA+, persons of colour and such “latching on” to examples of their representation, or campaigning for more representation is the old line of...

“so x is gay, why do you have to make such a big deal of it?”

Thing is, I’m not queer or of colour, so I don’t claim to understand what it feels like to have those aspects of myself under-represented (it would be daft of me to claim I understand this), but I do know how it feels to yearn for representation for something else in the mainstream media.

Back in the 1990s, there were three pillars of my teen years. These were video games, anime & trading card games (namely Magic: The Gathering, as that was all that was available).

These activities were pretty core to the person I sought to be. Naturally the internet was in its infancy back then, and these were pretty niche pursuits. For people in their teen years in 2017, it’s difficult to describe, but...

Video games were seen as a children’s pursuit; shameful for adults and not much better for teenagers. Everything was against them. Movies portrayed them as something for the nerdiest of nerds, television talked about the dangers they posed to the nation’s youth, and educators tried to tell us they were of no creative or intrinsic value, and were cynically made as a way of robbing people of their free time and cash.

Most of all, though, the young nature of the hobby meant that very few in the mainstream media understood it. It was clear that all these opinions were voiced by people who didn’t really know what they were talking about.

I still remember a day when we brought a Playstation into school, and one of our teachers was mesmerised by Metal Gear Solid - he confessed on-the-spot that he didn’t know videogames had moved on much since Pac-Man.

Anime was almost unheard of and highly misunderstood. Half of the people who were aware of “Japanese Cartoons” thought they were all about graphic, depraved sex or at least, content with a sexual theme - the other half thought they were violent, and again, ultimately without “worth”.

Anime was expensive; no internet back then, and TV? No chance that a TV network would show Japanese Cartoons. Anime was only available on VHS, with 2-3 episodes per tape if you were lucky (in reality, Anime was more about movies than series, because people just couldn’t afford a series on VHS).

Still, we struggled, We swapped tapes amongst ourselves, bought magazines, pushed local suppliers to stock more stuff, and gradually things got better - but it took years, and I was pretty much out of my teens by then.

Trading Card Games had taken off, but they were still a very niche pursuit. Whereas my parents were broadly understanding of video games and anime, this was difficult even for them. It took up an inordinate amount of time, which they would’ve preferred I spent on something more “useful”.

Again, educators didn’t like TCGs. As a form of card game, they preached they would breed a desire for casino gambling (which proves, if nothing else, that they were making this criticism knowing nothing about the game - seriously; this is like suggesting that learning to cook promotes mugging because both can involve knives).

Still, we played, bought expansions and blister packs, played, read magazines, played some more... We just got on with it.

So yeah, things kinda sucked. This probably isn’t news to anyone.

You’re probably asking what this has to do with representation; the answer is that we all saw the fulcrum, the point at which things started to change, and that time was exciting.

I still remember the first times we saw adverts for video games on TV, and at the cinema. I remember, very clearly, seeing an extended advert for Final Fantasy VIII; basically most of the intro sequence (which back then was a stunning display of CGI).

You might argue “video games were advertised before 1999″ but it was different. Look at some of the magazine ads from back then and you’ll see what I mean.

This is a perfect example. Advertisers did everything in their power to sex up the content, promoting anything other than the actual games. Adverts were normally massive spreads in magazines with bizarre imagery - anything to avoid making the game screenshots or hardware pictures bigger than a postage-stamp. Videogames are lame, for nerds, for losers! Cool, interesting people need something eye-catching, it would be ridiculous to let the product sell itself! </sarcasm> 

1999 was around the time when videogame adverts started to turn around. Full-colour spreads with massive screenshots. Final Fantasy didn’t need a naked women holding a copy of the game to sell, it just needed the game itself. Suddenly, the media started speaking to us, and we were absolutely thrilled. It seems tragic now, but we were really blown away. We told everyone about it, we asked if others had seen x advert, or saw how y game was actually mentioned on TV last night. We poured over shots in films where a character was actually playing a contemporary game instead of something from 15 years ago, showing that someone who had even a basic knowledge of videogames picked it out. Hell, people even started to realise that (shock) videogames weren’t only played by boys.

Anime started to show up on TV. First, it was late-night showings on science fiction and movie channels. Before you knew it, there were whole evenings of it, and eventually, we even started to see the likes of Yugioh and Pokemon make their way onto kids television in the mornings. Given, these were heavily edited and marketed to a younger demographic, but it didn’t matter; Anime was becoming a thing. Again, we latched onto any example we could find, watching, talking, sometimes even taping. We talked to each other and would-be new fans endlessly, keeping a close watch on what was on, and when. Within a few years it was well understood by the mainstream what anime was, and that there was a huge range of it, including Ghibli and the rest. Suddenly our hobby was validated; the thing we’d struggled so hard to remain fans of was now more popular than ever, which made it easier to talk about and watch.

Trading card games exploded. Pretty soon the detractors shut up or were just drowned out by the popularity. The coming of the internet made it easy to connect to players all over the world.

And you know what? We annoyed people. Doubly so to those people who didn’t want these things to become successful. It didn’t matter, though. With every turn, every advert that validated the quality of our entertainment, every character in a movie who played video games yet seemed a well-adjusted human, every anime that aired on television where new fans could watch it, with every shop that now stocked trading cards that wouldn’t have considered it before, we saw walls break down and the media started to cater to us.

And most importantly, it wasn’t long before we were seeing people like us, who valued our entertainment, among the mainstream media. Years would pass, but before you knew it, you’d hear of Vin Diesel playing World of Warcraft, or Dara O’Briain talking about the new Assassin’s Creed on a chat show.

It was exciting - and we wanted everyone to know it.

This went through several distinct phases, which you may have picked up on.

The youth picked up on these new forms of entertainment. 

The world at large belittled them. 

Then, as they became more popular, people actively railed against them, seeing to both slander them and undermine the people who engaged in them. 

Eventually, those new forms of entertainment became part of mainstream culture and finally became more accepted.

Again, I don’t know what it feels like to yearn for (for example) racial representation in the media - but I do know what it feels like to at first have a desire for representation belittled, and how amazing it feels when it is fulfilled, even for something that to others might seem inconsequential.

So I’d say, to those of you who are struggling for representation in the media, please don’t be put off by those who belittle you. Keep working at the seams, the cracks in the wall, and things will change. If they’ve already stated, then the pace will quicken.

I’m sad to say that for some of you, it will take a long time - perhaps even longer than you have to give, but keep going as long as you can, and I look forward to the day when you hit that fulcrum, and I promise I’ll listen to you when you want to talk endlessly about how things are starting to change - because if this was exciting for us, I can’t imagine how new and exciting it’s going to be for you.