#potential post ShB spoilers!

[wind-up-thancred]

bit of thancred character musing under the cut that im gonna try to approximate from a 6am discord rambling into something i can actually post. both SHB and EW spoilers included

i saw some folks talking on twt about how guilt seems to be a very important factor in his life and i agree. i think a lot of major parts of his character and arcs have been due to guilt over something he did (or didnt even really do, re: the whole goobue rampage situation). it's driven him to work his ass off after louisoix which lead to him getting possessed... but its probably also what motivated him to do better for ryne after being forced to look his fuckups directly in the eye instead of just wallowing about them. but i think, at the same time, he doesnt really seem to, like... actually be proud of himself for a lot of the stuff he's done in order to work off that guilt? the biggest giveaway for that being the line in endwalker on the ragnarok where he talks about his "good deeds" cynically and seems to insist that they were never really that impactful in the first place. that they'll just go to dust when he dies.

in shb, during the ahm areng segment, not only does he talk down on himself in general, but also puts down his attempts to help OG minfilia back in the pre-ARR days... when i'm pretty sure she never even blamed him for the goobue rampage in the first place.

it's all a little bit sad to me, tbh. i've seen some people reason that, because he was only able to escape poverty due to louisoix seeing potential in his thieving skills, he's essentially internalized the idea that he's only really worth keeping around by ANYONE if he's actively being productive, either helping others or trying to fix whatever fuckups he feels he's made. i think that would explain a lot of this

note the "few positive traits" line, which to me comes across as "i was only picked up out of childhood poverty because he thought my skills were useful." though i don't really know how much of that mentality he's managed to work past by post endwalker. he IS able to go off on his own, and mentions that he trusts the scions to keep themselves safe now... but as i ranted about before, the short story points out that he's only really content to rest briefly before he feels obligated again to seek out unrest to try and help, specifically mentioning minfilia again. also, a couple times during the story, notably post ARR after his possession, mid SHB after he's wounded in a fight with sineaters, and post SHB after he passes out due to the weakening soul-body bond, he seems to dislike even having to rest for medical reasons

it's a pretty interesting part of his character to me. idk if the writers specifically had his rigorous upbringing in mind when they wrote these parts of his character, but to me it would make a lot of sense as an explanation for why he's so averse to rest and why he carries so much guilt and why he's so passionate about keeping the folks around him safe. that's kinda been his whole reason for life since he was a kid-- using his skills for the benefit of others. to him, doing anything other than that would be a waste, it seems.

idk. funny guy makes my heart hurt. yes i had all these dialogue screencaps saved and on hand. yes i am a little insane. what of it

[bumofthewild]

my really really long rant about endwalker

i'm not kidding this is really long. spoilers ahead of course, like immediately upon entry. sorry i sound so angry the whole time

unfortunately for me and for anyone reading this, endwalker is one of those cases where i like/d so much of what happens that the many weak moments make me more critical of the whole than i would be if it was just wholly bad like stormblood, bc it's a waste of potential. a lot of the time the moments i liked would even be happening simultaneously with the things i find so problematic: cheap storytelling decisions, cheap moments that only serve as fanservice or for shock value that only detract from a characters’ pre-existing complexity, poorly done rehashing of elements from shadowbringers, a lot of hollow pseudo-intellectual arguments, rushed and underdeveloped writing in one instance and then meandering wastes of time immediately after….these issues are so consistent that rather than try to break up endwalker's story based on these things, i will just try to run thru the whole thing chronologically and hope i don't get too repetitive. that's why this isn't an essay with some pretense of structure. i'll do my best.

what's crazy to me is i thought endwalker was going to be my second favourite expansion. this was despite not caring about its original main conflict--i thought fandaniel just wasn't a compelling or even interesting villain. he comes out of nowhere. and he's also asahi so that association is hard to break away from bc i find asahi silly. and he suffers from the same writing issues zenos does, where nearly every cutscene with them did little to develop their characters further from the baseline, only reiterated what i already know bc they literally never say anything else: zenos wants to fight wol, he's bored with everything life could possibly offer, fandaniel will ensure zenos can fight wol through his towers bc he no longer plays to the tune of his unsundered masters... even though what fandaniel was promising to cause were the final days i just didn't really care. in the wake of shadowbringers the final days are like a pretty big deal, but something about reviving a catastrophe i had just finished wrapping up--i thought, naively--made bringing them back seem really thoughtless. i don't really need to see anymore final days...like how much more do i need to understand how bad it was? i mean i think shb did a pretty good job????? of making the final days seem pretty fucking bad. why not come up with something new because this is endwalker and not shadowbringers haha? the only fresh thing about this new uncooler final days was the motivation behind them. fandaniel wanting to bring about the final days bc he wants to die and thinks everything should die with him vs emet-selch's unwillingness to die no matter what bc the final days took everything from him and he needs to bring it all back. still, recontextualising the final days from a past event into a present issue ruins them to me. whatever, i thought, there's no way we're letting the final days happen so what does this matter anyways. there's no way.

so yeah post-shb into ew was starting to lose me plot-wise. not the end of the world (LOL?) though bc the atmosphere in the beginning was so subtle and fresh and rich like dew in the morning that i was willing to look past it. going to old sharlayan i liked a lot. i liked going there not as a more typical homecoming for your friends but to instead uncover the sharlayan forum's cryptic behaviour. this kind of intrigue was what i really wanted after the grandness of shadowbringers and i really do think endwalker gave me that for a while. i liked the opening scene on the ship a lot bc it felt exciting and uncertain and new, especially talking to hydaelyn. i liked how she had become such an unstable variable after originally being the most anchoring presence in the entire game: learning she's a primal, whether she's actually “good” after listening to emet-selch’s explanation of her origins and actions in shb, and the fact that her appeals to her champions have been fewer and fewer… i thought her meeting with you at the very beginning of endwalker was cool and foreboding. i also really liked the emet-selch narration btw, i thought that was a fun choice. who better to guide you into the final stages of your adventure than the person who left you with that final, most important task. i wish this had been the only callback to his character at all. 

so a big part of why i like/d endwalker so much is all that atmosphere. and something i can't really put into words. it just felt cool and cohesive at the start. old sharlayan is one of my favourite locations now; i like that despite its rigidity and (to me farcical but w/e tangent) pursuit of rationality/knowledge, there's the quaint island charm and fresh winter sea and overgrown greenery and forest paths. i liked that the game enhanced the usual hubworld tour chore by having g’raha and krile follow you around to give you more personal anecdotes of the place, really gave it a more lived-in feeling, which really added to both them and the location. i also really liked all this charm and familiarity in tandem with the secret hostility of the place bc of the forum, having to sneak around and so on, sharlayan citizens not really recognising you somehow? but being very aware of a warrior of light threat to their way of life, even if i find that non-intervention way of life silly.

i also really liked labryinthos. it's a really creative place. i liked its uncanny false sky and controlled environment, and yet all the people scrambling about inside. and the music felt kind of magical like i had encountered another fairy area or something idk it all felt very whimsical. thavnair i really liked as well but i feel like my immediate impression of the place was kind of poisoned by the stereotypes, like the huge focus on trade and the first impression being undercutting foreign tourists but then i started to really enjoy the part where you run around with matsya and help him sell fish. i liked the mundanity and slow pace of that exercise bc it felt like a much more involved way of learning about thavnair and its current issues through conversations rather than the fetch quest slog, and this is one of the things i like a lot about the beginning of endwalker. the gameplay really improved i think bc they found more creative ways of having you interact with your surroundings, rather than having the usual running between npcs to fetch things for them or other chores. like rather than doing a string of quests and then being rewarded with development of the story, the gameplay simultaneously develops the story. like turning into frogs i thought was fun, testing nidhana’s aether lamp was fun, etc. it felt like they had better ideas about how to progress the in-between parts.

thavnair quickly started to upset me though bc it started to feel like the only relevance the location had was what they could give you for your military cause, that is, the scales. like alchemy is this place’s big highlight and its just the scales the scales the scales and the tower aughhhhhh!!!!!!! the tower!!!!!!!!!! i wish they had focused on something but i guess this is just to be expected with ffxiv...any interaction with a foreign ("foreign" as far as square enix eorzea is concerned) culture really boils down to how they might bolster your military efforts, the azim steppe for eg. so it felt like my concern for an individual (matsya) and the experience firsthand trying to help him with his day to day; the idea that every single person on earth is important and shouldn't be made to suffer, and helping that single person... was like overshadowed by something more focused on a “greater good", that is, the construction of the scales to defeat the towers to save the world ad infinitum. but if you played endwalker then you would know how this idea of only concerning oneself with a "greater good" and this diluting of the importance of an individual's life for the sake of this idealistic whole causes some problems for a certain someone..................so why didn't the game focus more on these themes? probably because at the end of the day it's a video game by square enix and you need a big boss to fight or something or bc this expansion is insanely unfocused i don't know. i feel like this concept about the importance of the small things that can add up to one life and how that one life is beautiful and important crops up with the significance of weeds despite its importance overall. i don't know if i think this is one of the main underlying themes of endwalker just poorly executed so as to not even be there or if i just wish it was one of its main themes. anyways i'm getting distracted, what i mean to say is thavnair gets dehumanised throughout the entire expansion in the most horrific ways possible so i guess this was just the start

moving on... i liked the part in garlemald a lot, which i didn't expect bc i don't expect this game to handle anything regarding imperialism well. i liked that the garlemald you finally experience, after it being one of your main enemies and this very proud nation, was just this dead quiet and ruined place. the quest where you follow that girl is another eg of how the gameplay was a bit more immersive, i think it helped me feel the loneliness and the danger of the place, that i could be a danger to this girl. that i really had to try if i wanted to help her. what i didn't like was alphinaud's and alisaie’s babying attitude towards the garleans? like ok yeah of course we’re gonna have patience and grace for GARLEMALD meanwhile lyse was losing her head at the ala mhigans whenever they disagreed with her. like sure arguing won't get anywhere but it felt like the twins were reckoning with children sometimes, it was so strange. but i did like that the game didn't shy away from making the garleans just unpleasant to be around at best, and an actual danger to you at worst. it's just better to me to make them harder to reconcile with so that there's no frustrating cheap shots at redemption but rather a good, sobering look at a society that's been totally and willingly misled. and i liked that alisaie's and alphinaud's attempts to help those garlean kids ended so badly, even though i'm not usually a fan of such cruel outcomes. it felt like we were seeing a garlemald not necessarily being punished for its actions more than we were seeing a place built on shitty ideals crumble bc of those ideals. i thought jullus was a good char and helped to carry that idea of disillusionment forward. i didn't care so much about sympathising with what he'd lost, but i did find it interesting how they contrast him with the legatus he's working under, who even while the place is in ruins is still more concerned with war than providing for the people relying on him. i don't think the part in garlemald is perfect by any means, like it doesn't do anything too brave, but ig it was a lot more subtle and complex in its storytelling than i expected. and it wasn't meaninglessly cruel. like i'm glad those shock collars put on the twins were only used to gauge jullus' emotional growth or something like him not wanting to activate them rather than them actually being fucking used which would have just made me close the game and not look back.

from here on is where i struggle to lock in for the rest of the story. starting with when zenos kidnaps you in the midst of the fighting at camp broken glass--i don't think i have ever been more immediately mentally locked out of a story. endwalker is darker than usual, trapping people in fleshy towers, two young girls lying dead on the ice, tentacles erupting out of tempered garlean soldiers... and so on. and while i don't personally like things that are overly dark or cruel, it's not that i think they're bad, just that with moments like that it's a lot better imo that a point is being made or they add something to the story, and that it doesn't feel soullessly random or disrespectful. unfortunately this stops being the case for the rest of the expansion..... like something about the weird eldritch feeling of fandaniel pulling you out of your body and putting you in a random soldier's was throwing me off immensely. it felt like i was playing a different game, like so disconcerting i found it distracting, because why would he not just do this to screw you over more often? i didn't understand them having access to such an unrestrained power. at the same time it was also just too wacky to really take seriously despite the apparent gravity of what was happening. zenos inside of my bunny girl's body??? i don't even understand why they did it? to piss you off?? the duty where you play as the imperial soldier was interesting i guess but i couldn’t understand what the meaning behind being made to struggle through that experience was... like didn't we just spend all that time sympathising with the garleans and wrap that section up already? why do i now need to sympathise with/experience firsthand what its like to be a garlean footsoldier? and it annoyed me because these parts felt emotionally rich, like stumbling across those garleans fighting that machine and trying to do your best to help them; dragging yourself across the ground to get to your friends before something bad happens to them, and running towards them before zenos hurts them while in your body--i thought all of that could've been really poignant if not for the actual situation being so silly?? they could have just kept some of those ideas, wol dragging themselves across the ground for eg--the extent to which they're willing to stop harm from reaching their friends (which reminds me of what vrtra says to you about the importance of protecting your friends the first time you meet him. but that was such a one-off moment that goes nowhere... i just wish ew would pick something, anything, to be a poignant message about love on planet earth if they want nihilism to be the main villain, and just stick to it)--and do something that felt a lot more relevant to the established story thus far? just felt totally pointless

what makes this worse is this ridiculous part is iirc right after fandaniel reveals that the entity tempering all of the garleans is varis reanimated as an ancient oh-so-important primal...?? like here's (what i thought was going to be) an actually important point in the story being sidelined for a moment that just goes absolutely nowhere. they certainly made it seem important for a moment, and i think this would've rounded off what was being said about garlemald well; the garleans are so taken in by the farce of their homeland that they think varis is calling them to reclaim their country over the radio, but all along what's actually causing their nation to fall apart is this monstrous version of their late emperor. the irony would've been interesting but they just do nothing with it... (i think desecrating a dead person's corpse by turning it into a monster is really weird btw, even weirder that they do it for no reason. whatever ew is weird.) i thought, considering that this plotline was being established from before endwalker started, that anima was going to take some time. not so. ffxiv would rather have you and zenos enact tropes from a disney channel movie. you merk that guy at the end of the tower of babil and from then on every important plot point the expansion could possibly have moves at fucking mach 567472838758745745

because why all of a sudden are you getting beamed up to the moon? and fighting ZODIARK? i was so confused when asahi i mean fandaniel was punching shit into that fuckgin allagan computer like fandaniel what the fuck are you talking about... i couldn't process anything that happened here. like i'll willingly put aside boring practicalities like why anyone can breathe on the moon, but not so much how fast this all happened and how out of nowhere--is this the reason fandaniel is also amon btw? so that he can use their allagan computers to do this? bc i honestly can’t find any other reason why him being amon is relevant when they revealed that in the tower of zot...like i dont get why that's important

and it doesn't get better after this is the sad thing to me. it doesn't pick itself back up. it is just extremely unfocused right until the endwalker. i was willing to move past getting rid of zodiark so quickly because it's not that i hold standard storytelling rules so dearly in my heart that i need the biggest final boss of the entire series to get a bit more gravitas. it actually ended up being a pretty interesting decision--dispatching the largest villain at the heart of the game being the catalyst for the biggest catastrophe you've ever heard of. like i like that wol gets played. but the entire mare lamentorum section that follows is disrespectful. this expansion suffers from some extreme tonal dissonance, bc how does wol learn that the final days are now upon them and then proceed to spend their time leisurely touring the moon rabbit facility to tell them that the clothes they’ve made for humans to wear isn’t fashionable? why on god's green earth does that matter at this current juncture? this part is one of the worst story-writing sinkholes in the expansion to me, bc why are the discrepancies between what the loporrits know of humanity vs what humanity is actually like something the story chooses to grapple with? we're building an ark to save humanity, and instead of approaching this in a contemplative or emotional way, the point of conflict they choose is logistics? in the expansion about nihilism? at best this conflict was overly realistic..... mostly it's just boring, and at worst the FINAL DAYS are now upon us, so why am i taste-testing carrots? how could the sharlayans, the most focused group of people on the entire planet, have been collaborating with the loporrits for decades and not even have one of the most basic aspects of staying alive squared away? i’m supposed to not only believe that nobody knew after all that time the lopporits think people only eat carrots, but also waste time on fixing this? whyyyyy would they even devote any time to this at all when there are so many more complicated and interesting ideas that they let flounder bc they rush through them at breakneck pace constantly? we just fucking killed zodiark! is this why they stick urianger up there to do all the fixing actually? to save time offscreen? maybe that's why they chose this asinine chunk of the story to start processing his character? though why they would choose to add more to a plate they can barely balance i don't know. i don’t even feel like getting into what they did with urianger bc it will just piss me off. i think only my love for rabbits and how i will never ever not find urianger precious were stopping me from putting a hex on square enix

the following section of the story is easily the worst part to me in the entire game. like i would rather replay stormblood multiple times in a row than ever sit through the final days coming to thavnair ever again. i've already said bringing back the final days would just be bad; a disservice to the time spent on it in shadowbringers. what more is there to say on that front? nothing. and the way ew utilises the final days tells me that the answer is nothing. it just wanted to unleash the violence of that event on the non-white area and spends an insane amount of time doing it. i can think of no other time in this game where there is so much wanton death and destruction for no useful storytelling reason other than to relish in the cheap shock of witnessing violence, violence they are unwilling to inflict on its white areas, because even in garlemald you only see the aftermath of what happens rather than being in the midst of it. it was actually making me feel fatigued. it was just so much of the same thing over and over with no real meaning to any of it. and that's not to say that meaning justifies suffering, but this is a game.....with a story... first and foremost? there needs to be some kind of reason to move the story forward? but nothing new or inspired is being said, just "the final days are really bad"

i’m actually not even sure where to begin so i’ll start with a glaring issue: i hate that people turn into abominations. people “randomly” turning into monsters just feels too unwieldy--how could there be any sense whatsoever that that situation is controllable? even learning that it's caused by feelings of despair is shit because emotions are so vague, how could there be any worthwhile attempt to control your emotions, let alone while watching your loved ones turn into/be eaten by monsters? this entire part felt so wildly out of hand/unpredictable to me that every single moment onward that wasn't more or less focused on maintaining this extremealy volatile situation felt like an unforgivable lack of priorities. it was extremely distracting to have it hovering over everything; everything else felt absolutely inconsequential in comparison. bc what the fuck do you mean people are randomly turning into monsters?? also the stakes were already really high just knowing the final days were coming, so raising them that much higher felt unnecessary to the point of it being hard to believe. and then bc you know there's no way any character important to wol is going to turn into a monster, subjecting commonfolk npcs to this just feels absurdly cruel, and also just made it obvious how much of a cheap scare it all was, bc it can't have any real narrative importance as a result of only happening to random npcs. it was all so blatantly fake-deep. there was no meaning behind them originally being people except for the useless horror of it--the scions still referred to them as monsters to be put down rather than as the people they used to be, just like any other monster in this game. dynamis was more of a retroactive explanation for why people turned into monsters, rather than people turning into monsters bolstering any understanding of dynamis. in shb the sin eaters had some method to them that made them more believable. you fight them throughout the story rather than them just being dropped on you midway through, they helped provide a picture of what kind of world the first was, they were emotional diving boards for characters like alisaie to develop personal goals and so on and so forth... the horror of the sin eaters had a narrative purpose. in endwalker it feels like they didn’t know what to do but wanted to replicate parts of shadowbringers, but didn't know why those parts worked so well bc they're too obsessed with trying to shock their audience. this part just sucked beyond description.

and it just continues to get worse. how can you be the one writing the parametres of a situation and you create something that's literally unmanageable, so that when its only manageable bc you need it to be, it's just so obviously shit writing? my sister described endwalker's writing as really contrived, like when they need something to happen (and that thing is often a really bad idea) they just shove it in there at the cost of keeping their characters in character, or having their story threads--both the interesting ones and the stupid ones--fall totally flat. she says they shortcut the writing. and it's true. for eg, the characters literally don't feel like themselves at times, or get utilised in really moronic ways. like when wol just watches the satrap die, another cheap scare btw he literally gets grabbed an eaten in a way my sis (i was ranting to her a lot about this game ok) described as straight from attack on titan. just gets grabbed and eaten. and this happens to him for such asinine reasons: 1. so that this random asf plot point of vrtra revealing himself as the true satrap can bear fruit. for some fucking reason. i struggle to understand why this is important at all but i guess it's yet another little sideplot that ew just can't seem to resist adding to its already towering plate at the plot buffet, like whatever is going on with urianger and moenbryda's parents/the loporrits, or zenos who now spends most of his time offscreen, or the twins and their father, etc, bc ew likes to waste time 2. so that g'raha (???????????????????????) out of fucking nowhere can have a big boy moment and direct the scions and the people of thavnair in their time of need. what on earth was that scene supposed to be? fanservice? a reminder that g'raha was a leader back in the first? which blows my mind bc mere moments before he had a scene i really enjoyed despite the circumstances, where after a man witnesses his son get turned into a beast and then stepped on by another beast because endwalker is literally jacking itself off to suffering and expects me to be doing the same... g’raha goes up to this man and stops him from panicking and turning into a monster himself. while i don't think any of this should be happening, i thought it was a nice take on his character to have a more sensitive moment in such a harrowing situation. i don't know, have a character demonstrate some emotional skills instead of the usual fighting ones. ofc all of this i thought mere moments before disaster. why was any of this necessary? literally why not just have the satrap, i don't know, take charge of his country when he's needed most, even if he's only been a figurehead the whole time? why let him go out so horribly when he obvious loves his people with his whole heart just so that vrtra can step in without any sort of conflict? i don't understand the focus on vrtra at all

and it actually just keeps getting worse.. the following part where you have to find matsya's friends at palaka's stand was awful. the friends have a newborn baby, so it's obvious that only that baby is surviving bc ew is convinced you don't know how harsh the world is yet. that must be why this part is so long? i'm repeating myself but so many other things that shouldn't be rushed get rushed, only for ew to devote a lot of time to sections like this where nothing changes or develops except for compounding how bad it all feels. i think it was at this point actually, that i realised endwalker actually had some underlying point it was trying to make. it would've been impossible not to realise bc of how heavy-handed it is. i'm not even going to try and paraphrase bc it was so random the way it was introduced i thought i had missed some lines of dialogue or something when it happened:

the suddenness of this felt like when a writer forsakes trying to show what a story is about and instead opts to speak to their audience directly through poorly disguised self-inserts. like i know things are bad right now guys, but the preaching tone of this is jarring. like maybe if you spent some time trying to develop your themes you wouldn't have to be doing this endwalker. i know you need your final villain to literally parrot these ideas for the rest of the game, but if this was supposed to be such a core point of the story why wait all the way until now to just beat me over the head with it? was watching a child be crushed underfoot supposed to make elderly man of palaka using the phrase "at journey's end" seem profound?

anyways then you go and try to save matsya’s friend (the mother bc the father has now died, of course). this leads us to another forced decision that doesn’t make any sense: alisaie and alphinaud fail to kill a single abomination--just the one solitary abomination that was stalking the poor woman--so that we can see it fling her into the water and her corpse dangling on the surface. in what fucking world do alisaie and alphinaud, who have single-handedly dispatched numerous abominations prior to reaching this point, fail to kill just one of them between the two of them in a way reminiscent of a cartoon, one being knocked into the other and them both falling over? how is that fucking possible? and then to somehow make things worse, because that's still possible, despite the fact that wol spends this entire segment in palaka’s stand being told by alisaie and alphinaud not to leave matsya alone because he can’t fend for himself, the twins suggest sending him back on his own to deliver the baby to palaka's stand? why??????????????????????????????

this is what i mean when i say the characters get used in the most bullshit ways for the most bullshit reasons. it's like the game needs as much suffering as possible to happen so that it can make a worthwhile point on this later on (spoiler: it doesn't) so it pulls shit like this. why would the twins, who we just watched try to spoonfeed the garleans cereleum straight from the tank, leave matsya on his own if not solely bc the story needs the doomerism of the Resolute Citizen to ring true? and this is also what i mean when i say the scions try to manage a disaster that is just not manageable, bc they for some reason believe that bc they've taken care of the abominations they saw in the area, that means the area is safe enough for matsya to go back on his own? like are we just suddenly pretending the nature of these creatures doesn't imply that anyone can turn into one at any moment? everyone is ALWAYS in danger? we're just going to mill around while matsya weathers the most potent fear of his life running back to the village on his own, with the baby of his friends who just died moments before, while we all know that extremely negative emotions cause people to turn into the monsters? why are we doing this after we just went to so much trouble keeping people safe (or failing to, really)? forget turning into monsters for a sec, why are we even letting him experience such painful emotions at all? anyways the fucking baby starts turning into a monster because this is endwalker.. but i will say that matsya running and chanting that little piece up there about how life is suffering to try and convince me it's true calm himself down was one of the cutscenes i liked the most from this entire part, maybe endwalker in general. it was another one of those emotionally poignant and well-executed moments that just suffers from how much i wish it was happening under totally different circumstances. i don't even remember why one of us doesn’t go with him, like i don't remember what we were busy doing bc it was that unimportant--no wait, i remember! we were waiting for matsya to reach the total end of his rope so that when all things seem lost, when those monsters obviously show up on his path back to the village out of nowhere like they've been doing the past painstaking quest after quest of this entire part, estinien and vrtra can get this really cool moment of jumping into save him! it all makes so much sense now. i've never seen estinien do anything really cool before like diving down from the sky with his lance, so i understand how this was a really important moment that the game needed to make happen. also how vrtra really needs to prove to the people he can be a good satrap bc ahewann just died and all. yeah, i totally get it. perfect. just great. 

what is the message behind despair turning you into a monster? we're about to get into it with meteion and try to convince her she's wrong--come out championing the idea that suffering is just one of the many aspects of life we need to accept, and yet we're going to preface that with a part where to feel despair is bad? you get punished if you do it? honestly?

whatever. elpis...we go here because we need to learn about the elpis flower. i'm thinking we're definitely just going to ask the watcher, right? like the guy on the moon who told us the name of the flower in the first place? and time is of the fucking essence here, so surely we just go back to the watcher and ask him what we need to know and come back? wrong. we're going back to the first. to talk to elidibus. i thought we killed elidibus? does nobody truly die in this game except for my favourite character? so wol gets sent back to the first, and there's this upbeat tonally dissonant little section where you catch up with some old friends like beq lugg and those kids you helped back in shb bc now is just the perfect time for pleasantries and remembering how good shadowbringers was. ew trying to relive shadowbringers was already something i was feeling out in thavnair fighting leagues of "terminus" creatures and not "forgiven" ones, and watching the carefully constructed horror and gravity of the final days get reduced to an average apocalyptic shitshow. so i can't say i appreciated this part. also people are indiscriminately turning into monsters. i can't help but have that hang over everything constantly until the end of the expansion.

anyways we go to the crystal tower and drag out elidibus even though i personally prefer when characters have their final moments and are properly laid to rest. like i hate to not only beat a dead horse but also reanimate said horse and then drag its corpse around. well fuck what i want. so elidibus willingly does this favour for us i guess and sends us to the past somehow with some useless warnings about how we won't be able to interact with our surroundings or change the past. i say useless because the former is just untrue, i'm not sure why he bothered to say it. the moment we step foot on elpis you get a nice gift of aether from emet-selch that renders you tangible and now you can proceed to live love laugh with him and hythlodaeus on elpis even though people are indiscriminately dying back home. and the latter warning, well. i don't know, that just seemed obvious. i'm kind of just a hater.

time to be positive again for a short moment, if you can believe it? emet-selch is one of my favourite characters. i enjoyed this new light cast on him...for a short while. i like his relationship with hythlodaeus and i really like hythlodaeus; i’m really fond of the faceless simulacrum version of him you meet in shb and i'm really fond of him now. learning about the unsundered world in person rather than through hearsay was interesting, and although i can't lie and say i don't think this all kind of felt like a huge tangent despite the important aspects of the plot that come out of it, i still like it. i guess it feels this way because a lot of big plot points have already been established, like the ark on the moon and the sharlayans' involvement and the final days, so this was all kind of too big to me to be coming this late into the story. it doesn't feel all that relevant to prior parts of the expansion either except for hermes, who has been poorly developed throughout, so okay, i get it. it's time to give one of the main villains some depth (i want you to guess if this is successful or not). hermes has a lot of qualities i really like. has a child, secretly nurturing a potent sadness, thinks differently from the world around him because at his core he’s too deeply empathetic…. even though i was still largely aware of the insanity happening back at home which i'm going to keep repeating, i still enjoyed elpis At The Start. the exposition of this part was easily better than its resolution. it was taking the time to develop hermes’ character so that you could see if the game was written well anyhow how he became the fandaniel of the present. i really liked his relationship with meteion too. it's getting hard to talk about what i like without simultaneously talking about what i don't like so i'm going back to criticising now, positivity over, sorry....

personally, i’d have been totally fine without any more development to emet-selch’s character. i think it was nice to see a fresh perspective on him and all, really rounds out who he is from what you know and what he talks about in shadowbringers. and i actually like a lot of the things he said throughout, not all of it, but a good amount of it was fun and sorely needed whenever hermes was being annoying, which was often. but there was a lot of times wehere i thought, i don't really need to be hanging out with emet-selch right now? i don't need my wol and emet-selch to be friends? considering who he is....? .............and what's going on back home? how many more moments showing how endearingly prickly he is do i need to see? like sure, i can enjoy this emet-selch fest in isolation of what's going on because me love emet-selch like it's not like i think these moments are bad or anything but i don't know, don't we have other things to be doing? i'm not diametrically opposed to fanservice, i like when things are kept fresh and lighthearted. but. well you know by now. about the people turning into monsters. i guess i just both enjoyed this part and wished it happened under different circumstances or in a different way or something, or maybe not at all, bc as things progress his character just gets more and more diluted.

i actually really liked meteion. i will say i’m really tired of non-human, overly childish girl children creature characters who become villains, because i think there's this concept where…idk how to say it? i wish i could find something that talks about this more... it's like the dehumanisation involved when non-binary characters or non-white characters are often not human (not that these things are done in the same way). but i feel like women or females ig are often the ones chosen to be non-human in this particular way...? like, when emotional labour is involved. or when it needs to be some taboo evil entity. it's like a guy and his part-animal female second lead or part-alien love interest or female-voiced ai system or android or abandoned girl he finds/rescues. it's kind of like the born sexy yesterday trope but without the blatant sexuality (i don't want to go on a tangent). quite often this weird quirky alien and playful girl child is a harbinger of destruction. take drakengard, for example, or fire emblem engage, or cc from code geass iirc, or veronica from fire emblem heroes.. there's apparently something about childishness and girlishness and innocence and corrupting that innocence or being fooled by that innocence that seems to incite fear of the unknown enough in people for villainous children to be a trope in general regardless of gender, but it was just something i was thinking about in regards to meteion's character, especially when she becomes evil. and this blurry line between her as a "being" with a consciousness and free well as GIVEN to her by hermes, and her as a "tool" to be used by him as well, doesn't really get addressed in any meaningful way at all. like sure, she doesn't need to eat but she can still enjoy candy apples and flowers, and can empathise bc often of her own volition she wants to cheer hermes up, but actually her ability to empathise is programmed; so let's send send her, this highly empathetic being (with consciousness and free will and tastes and personality) into the cold expanse of space for as long as it takes for hermes to find his answer, that's totally fine. why did he make it a girl? why couldn't they address the fact that the loneliest bastard in this entire game made himself a child? like i'm not saying there needs to be clear-cut definitions on what meteion is or why she or hermes take certain actions, but it feels like a lot of things regarding their characters are really complex and implied to be really deep, and then just don't go anywhere or are completely ignored or unexplained? and because these things are so present yet passed over, it leaves me genuinely confused about most of what happens on elpis and how these two specifically reach any of the conclusions they do once things start going south

like i thought what she and hermes were going to add to the story was going to be a lot more interesting and complex than what it turned out to be.....a banal mantra on the "mercy" of nihilism. i can barely reconcile what bothers hermes in the first place with what meteion concludes from her sisters' expeditions, like they almost feel irrelevant to each other. he's upset over man's lording over who deserves to live and the callousness of making and unmaking life. he feels sadder about the coming death of his friend than the average ancient, and doesn't want to accept meaningless platitudes about dying for the good of the star. ok, i agree with that. so he wants to know what meaning there is to life, if it can be so easily judged and discarded...? okay. so his answer is to....secretly create creatures without any of the rigourous testing they usually go through to prevent them from being dangerous, and then send them on a potentially dangerous and traumatising mission to answer his vague philosophical questions? like.......? so when she reports back traumatised and tells him every single society out there is suffering (which i just find so unbelievable btw), then the answer to his question must be that suffering is the meaning of life--which she figures bc she's an entelechy so i imagine she's highly susceptible to her emotional surroundings, and because his pseudo-intellectual question is so poorly framed (something only emet-selch points out in a throwaway line btw). and this alone spurs him on to allowing meteion to unmake their entire society in the most violent way conceivable? you literally tell him that the final days are coming as a result of his actions, but he's fine with it because he'd rather that than enact some policy changes at his workplace, or talking to someone? everyone seemed to listen and respect his decision when he suggested helping that creature learn to fly instead of just killing it, i'm sure he could've talked it out? isn't he in charge of the place? this entire section was so hard for me to follow bc i kept thinking something more complex was making everyone behave the way they were, when it was actually just totally senseless.

as an aside, i hate how they chose to make the way meteion reports information so cooly technological btw, it felt not only anachronistic but corny. i’m sure there's a better way to have her impartially report things without making her sound like she's reporting weather conditions on some distant planet in star trek. anyways, when you frantically search for meteion after she receives her transmission was another part that took up a lot of time for no reason. it just made everything feel so dire when i could barely understand why any of what was going on was such a big deal. and i’ll never be one to say that any bureau of anything should “detain” anyone, but why hermes was so frantic to prevent meteion from being brought to the convocation i just don't know. like he goes on the run with her so that he can hear the end of her report? is that really it? i just find it hypocritical that he doesn't want her to be sent to the convocation where they'll limit her free will or fucking whatever but he's totally fine with ordering the meteia into space? why am i being made to guess what the convocation is going to do to meteion when hermes is making it seem like such a big deal?? what fucking sense does that make? what on earth was he afraid of? their judgment? the convocation members deciding whether meteion is good for the star or not? could they not have just reasoned this out? aren’t they a "highly advanced" and "reasonable" society? like okay he sees through the veil of his utopian home but i just did not get a sense of how much it was bothering him at all, like i cannot stress enough how him going turbo feels like an insane jump from what his problems seemingly were. why did nobody stop to think this through or communicate to each other? is it because of the bullshit time paradox this game has trapped us in so that nothing we do will amount to anything anyways so we might as well make the most confused villain of all time be responsible for the biggest event in this game's history?

but it annoys me because meteion and hermes felt like such a waste of potential, maybe the biggest waste to me in the entire expansion. i was really intrigued by their wholesome relationship at the start, knowing that hermes was a main villain. and that he can't find connection or meaning in an otherwise "perfect" society, so he has to create it for himself and try to find it elsewhere, as far as the reaches of outer space... he wants to make what's hurting him stop hurting him. i like that he approaches such human desires with meteion despite her non-humanness, and that she can return those feelings to him. he wants to signify meteion’s return with a flower because they both like flowers… like those things we can’t put into words but share with others, moments, emotions, connections……..but nope. nihilism beam. it feels like the worst sort of retroactive writing ever. they didn't even think too hard about dynamis--this hugely important thing, except nobody has ever heard of it, aside from nidhana back at home? while members of the highest office in the most advanced society earth has ever had are left squinting.

and the entire section after you fight hermes just pissed me off. we kicked his ass so that we could stop him from inciting meteion any further, and yet we just let him hear her out anyways? he's yelling at you during the entire dungeon that he just wants the time to hear her out, we're chasing after him so that we can stop him from doing that, and then we just let him hear her out anyways? and then even when we do that she doesn’t even say anything different? she just goes right back to reporting on different worlds and how self-destructive they are and That's All She Really Proceeds To Say For The Rest Of The Expansion But Fucking Who Cares Anymore. so we let her repeat herself. this sends her into a spiral, because she's an entelechy who just got hit by a high frequency nihilism beam, but subjecting her to all that despair is only ever addressed by one of the scions in a throwaway line near the very end of the story in ultima thule... and then hermes...captures venat, emet-selch and hythlodaeus??? he captures two of the strongest characters in the game? did we not just kick hermes’ ass??? what is going on?

emet-selch: that's bullshit, and you know it's bullshit

hermes: *says more bullshit*

i really think hermes might be one of the worst villains in the game. it's a shame bc i think he's such an interesting character. i'm not sure why he started behaving like such an incel when he was right to be troubled by the things he was? why did they even bother have wol relate to him over experiencing sadness from loss if that just went totally nowhere? why does he behave so hypocritically? being saddened by loss leads to him setting the stage for the final days? him hating man's jurisdiction over other lives leads to him wiping emet-selch's and hythlodaeus' memories, and subjecting the entire planet to the worst test ever? he's not even morally grey or anything! just annoying! i saw someone say that it's even worse that he wants the ancients to prove that their life is meaningful to them, bc it's true, they do??? like isn't that what venat interrupts them from doing in the answers cutscene, calling back for that lost life? isn't that what you learn in shadowbringers? didn't an entire half of their population sacrifice themselves so that the other half could live? what the fuck else did they need to prove?

this part was pissing me off even more because i never even wanted hythlodaeus or emet-selch to learn about where wol came from or about the final days coming in the first place. i thought that was an awful writing decision. telling them just felt weirdly cruel to me considering elidibus explicitly told you there was nothing you could do to change it. maybe this is just my opinion, but why would anybody want to know that their planet is going to go up in flames and there is nothing they can do to stop it? telling venat i was like sure, she becomes hydaeyln so this makes a little more sense to me, but the other two…….? this is around when i was getting tired of the emet-selch cameo, because i don't really care to know what he thinks of his future self? i couldn't really understand what the point of any of that was? so it annoyed me even further that it amounts to nothing anyways when they get their minds conveniently erased. it felt like a fucking joke. why did we revive these characters, develop them, and then just treat them like tools...? like now that we're done using their powers and creation magicks--i thought, naively--we just toss them aside? like ohhhhh noooooo now they won't remember all the fun we had on elpis this is so sad......but at least before he got his memories wiped emet-selch, even though he definitely totally doesn't believe a fucking word i say, renews his shb vows to wol and leaves the future in my hands again? yeah, i totally wanted to hear him say that a second time. forget how deeply affecting and important a moment that was at the end of shadowbringers. i really needed to see him do that one more time in this shittier, more contrived context. that's really what i needed from endwalker. also i've been on reddit reading what people have to say about endwalker out of curiosity (ppl make a lot of good points that i haven't) and someone pointed out that moments before all this happens venat literally pulls memories from the aether around you so that we can watch hermes send the meteia to space. what on earth is stopping anyone from doing that for hermes, hythlodaeus, and emet-selch? but whatever, i already know the writing doesn't care how silly it is anymore. two of the strongest ancients get bound by a weakened hermes, only break out after the story conveniently needed meteion to start flying into space, and then venats lets her escape somehow even though doing so essentially dooms their entire planet. ok

so we’re back home and we have to go immediately help the thavnarians who are being punished for not being white again. the sharlayans were going to bring them to the teleporter to the moon in garlemald to start getting them on the moon, but oops, the final days have come to garlemald, so now we can't use the teleporter, so if you're thavnarian your life sucks. who saw that coming? absolute waste of time. so then we have to get rid of more beasts because we need to waste even more time doing something we already spent an agonising amount of time doing in thavnair. and then immediately after this we need to......wrap up yet another asinine plot thread endwalker is so obssesed with adding to it's already convoluted story: fourchenault excommunicating his children...? it seemed really important when he did this in post-shb, but materially nothing for alphinaud or alisaie really changed, everyone still gets into sharlayan no problem. ultimately i just didn’t really know why they chose to pursue this mini-plot at all because how many more pushes does alphinaud (i'm saying alphinaud bc he does not share that spotlight with alisaie lmfao) need to become resolute in his goals? he already does this throughout the series? they ruined arenvald's legs in post-shb so that alphinaud could become more resolute in his goals, why keep dedicating time to this? just keep juggling endwalker, just keep juggling. anyways we’re in garlemald, we calm the final days for now, zenos shows up out of nowhere to remind us he’s still in the game. and to be fair to him that was one of the most interesting cutscenes he’s had the whole time, and, get this--they have him randomly answer hermes' question? about the meaning of life? while talking to jullus? like jullus gets mad at him for not giving a fuck about causing what happened to garlemald, and zenos responds by saying: "ask any creature of this star and those above for answers, and they will tell you what suits their fancy. and they would be right to do so. what meaning there is to be found in the petty vicissitudes of your existence must be gleaned by you and you alone." like......? he just provides the answer right there in a conversation with jullus? did this expansion have any interest at all in putting any of its different parts in conversation with each other, or are we supposed to just try and build a good story like a puzzle, where the pieces, albeit interesting, don't actually fit together? weren't zenos and fandaniel working together at the beginning of the expansion? he should have just posed this question to zenos because the answer was apparently right fucking there, with the flattest character in the entire game, this whole time? whatever, i still liked this scene. alisaie putting a curse on zenos was very cool of her. so we're back in garlemald and....….tonal dissonance! puddingway shows up. cute scene where g’raha’s ears perk up also bc he's the one who hears the loporrits coming. just in case you forgot about g’raha, which is an oxymoron. and then maybe the second worst segment of endwalker...........we go back to labryinthos. 

now i love labryinthos. i thought it was interesting we only collected one aetheryte the first time we were there, and i was hoping the place would be as intriguing to me as it first was when we got back. admittedly learning that the sharlayans' secrecy only amounted to contributing to the moon project was kind of a let down, but i thought maybe there was still more to it. i mean, an ark to the moon? the abandonment of one's home planet? it's not like the ideas aren't there. let's go back to elpis for a second. one of the moments that really stood out to me during that part was a throwaway line that emet-selch says to wol after hermes starts freaking it:

he's right. i don't think hermes found society so truly beyond help that he couldn't turn to any one of his peers for help before devising such a reckless plan. but i'm not trying to rehash my issues with hermes, more that i think an interesting parallel could have been made, possibly, with the ark flying to the moon as currenlty the most viable solution to the final days problem? challenging this notion of just throwing it all away as a last resort? especially because it's so obvious to me that by the end of this expansion nobody is actually going into space to start a new life out there; trying to sort out living accomodations and acquaint the lopporits properly with earth is just a waste of time. so why not pose the underlying question of the entire expansion, about what makes life meaningful, to the last bastion of hope in the entire universe--the sole planet amongst millions of dead stars that still believes in itself? would it not just be free real estate to try and connect this story's multiple parts together by ...connecting this story's multiple parts together? the scions say repeatedly how much they'd prefer to protect their planet rather than leave it, and everyone on earth vouches for you because they don't want to leave, either. could they not have made a connection in some way between that ark and the meteia's voyage to outer space? could the writing not have turned around and asked the actual inhabtants of the planet of that we've helped and saved and laughed with and broken bread with or whatever the fuck what they think about the meaning of life, now that they have to leave that life behind? i guess fucking not??? i guess endwalker would rather only highlight civilians when they're being turned into abominations to drive home the same points about life = suffering constantly, and not the points about how despite the suffering life needs to be lived? because they don't actually seem to care about challenging meteion's nihilism when that can just be lazily solved by beating her up at the end. hermes could have been learning to love the world he was on, the smaller things that make it beautiful. because that's what he does, he creates this creature that is built to understand him, and it does and it shares these small joys with him. but nope, time to waste time doing fetch quests in labryinthos. find every single researcher who is obviously losing their mind with stress in labryinthos and give them their government-assigned lopporit while this hectic music with only one minute's worth of loop value plays in the background. go and deliver these papers with alisaie and alphinaud bc if you do a former friend of their father’s will tell them that their father actually loves them duh that’s why he disrespects them publicly every chance he gets. go follow one of the lopporits around while they sample fruits so that they can learn to make food other than carrots. go and watch urianger reconcile with moenbryda's parents even though she died all the way back in a realm reborn. fuck you. also everyone is still just a bad day away from turning into an abomination. just in case you forgot.

that shit where asahi shows up to take fandaniel away for the final time might be top three most bizarre scenes in all of final fantasy fourteen btw. i almost didn't want to mention it, but i need it on record how silly i thought that was. we are in the final stages of this expansion and it still can't stop wasting time. did we see ardbert's thoughts on elidibus using his body? no. but asahi was who they chose to get upset about this? ok.

i liked the trial against mother. you might have noticed i've had very little to say on venat this whole time. that might just have to be its own post or something if nobody is sick of me by now. but anything to do with working together with your friends to overcome a trial is good.

that's what i liked about ultima thule. at the same time, this is where the game finally just loses me forever. i think, somehow, even despite all the things i didn't like, the way the story is told i still enjoyed, even if what it was saying was often. bad. there's still a lot of moments i really liked despite it all. but after ultima thule i was just done. we get on the ark. great. i like that things don't go as planned because meteion intercepts our ship. but now meteion is finally here, which means it's finally time for me to reckon with the pseudo-intellectual nihilism she's been touting every chance she gets. it's hard for me to suspend my disbelief that every single society out in space wanted oblivion, but if that's what endwalker wants me to believe for the sake of its story making sense (oxymoron) then fine. ok. but that's all that's ever said. "life is suffering" "life is suffering" "the final days are really bad"

just the same pseudo-intellectual browbeating about how living just leads to constant strife and the most beautiful thing to do is to just end it all for everyone ever again. like sure, empath hears death cry repeatedly--i can see how meteion could change so permanently. i think that's fine. i doubt that's why she's so repetitive. i genuinely just 't think there's nothing anyone really had to say on this. and the thing is, we've heard this argument before? the idea that humanity is imperfect so they don't deserve to live? it will all amount to nothing, so why let it continue to exist? these are major points of conflict from shadowbringers because it's what emet-selch was always saying. the difference is that emet-selch is just an easily more interesting and fleshed out character whose arguments are largely more complicated, even if they're just as morally wrong. like it's extremely easy for me to answer whatever meteion is saying with a resounding no. and while i feel that emet-selch can also be easily disagreed with on what he believes, bc i do disagree--he at least introduces ideas that complicate the story and his own character. he challenges the scions on their hatred of primals--their god is a primal. he offers visions of a world where nobody has to struggle ever again, where strife doesn't exist, and so on and so forth. while that doesn’t justify his actions, nor do i think they should, i think he at least gives the characters something to think about. he throws their own actions back at them. why would the scions not want a world without suffering? when emet-selch asks alphinaud if he believes half of the sundered world would give up half of their number to save the other half, alphinaud is unable to answer because he knows that the answer is no. i don't think humanity should be tested, let alone with such an insane standard, but i at least think that the questions being asked in shadowbringers were interesting. there's a point to them. with meteion, all she basically says to the scions is that she’s going to fucking kill everyone they know and love in the worst way possible. nothing to chew on that wouldn't better be solved by just getting rid of the threat. i don't know why they even bother arguing with her ever. she doesn't even feel like a character to me in that last section of the game. and they keep trying to have her seem all scary by having her get really close to the screen or move around without warning which is all very silly to me. i at least did like how much of a threat she was, and the way thancred vanished, and then everyone finds themselves in that dark area in front of the ship wondering where he is while the ultima thule music plays for the first time, distantly and quietly. i actually really liked that part. i thought it was really moving. i wish it had stayed that way.

the first area of ultima thule was the best part imo. i liked the immense darkness and quiet and lack of wind and the foul air and  yet, green grass. i liked the strange horror of being the only person at first who could really see the dragons, and then learning that estinien can see them too. i liked how that was the segue for his sacrifice. having those "final" moments with a specific scion each time until that climactic moment that pushes the group forward i really liked. i liked that thancred was no longer with them but still with them, a presence over them keeping them safe from harm. i found that very touching. but i was actually really confused while going through ultima thule becuase of how they visually shows what happens, like while the swirling vortex each scion would stand in was cool, and then standing to face off against that dark bird, i think what those things actually represented i just did not really understand what was actually being done or going on. i think that might be because dynamis suffers a bit from being just too nebulous or underdeveloped. i don't mind how abstract of a concept it is, i mean aether is used to do all sorts of never-explained things all the time.. it's more like... if ultima thule is going to be a place ruled by emotions, with laws different from what the scions are used to, it's hard for me to see how they were able to really draw any conclusions about where they were or what to do. it actually kind of reminded me of the logic of jojo's bizarre adventure where an attack only overrules another attack not becuase of some fundamental power scale the reader understands, but bc of what araki feels like contriving to get the story moving the way he wants. and that's fine because it's jojo. but this is ffxiv, so in my mind ultima thule should have either remained abstract and they don't try to explain the rules of the place so much, or they should’ve just made what was going on less abstract if they were going to try to logic the place out

what i mean is: the scene where estinien argues with that dragon so that he can overcome its despair is really cool. i liked that he turned into a cool wind. i liked that your friends sacrificed themselves for the sake of their home, that the power of their hopes for wol to overcome this final challenge was the only way they could move forward in such a stagnant place, as well as the only way they could be protected by meteion's violence. but after estinien does it--and he admits that he doesn't know how, just that it was the right thing to do--it feels like the writing immediately tries to specify what's going on so that there's some easy way forward the scions just have to follow the rulebook for, so that they can get to meteion. when urianger takes wol and g'raha aside i was actually just so lost. i don't know what it was i wasn't getting. i still don't. like to kind of say that there’s always one "individual" in these fake worlds who is despairing more than the others that can be located if they just identify a certain set of behaviours... this kind of just waters down what the scions are doing and the magic of being at the universe's end or w/e to me. we use language because of our inability otherwise to really express the depth of emotions and sensations that exist in this world, not the other way around--trying to box in something so complex through things like processes and so on...so to try and narrow down this part kind of rung a bit hollow to me. it was somehow both overexplained and underexplained at the same time. this might seem kind of nitpicky but i guess it was just hard for me to enjoy ultima thule when i was genuinely confused almost the whole way throughout. and bc the ea and the omicrons were so goddamn annoying. trying to do this slapdash learning about their societies at the very end of the game was just like...? okay? why bother, all they really care about is dying anyways. and then that final dungeon, ew's final attempt at replicating the wins of shadowbringers (the amaurot dungeon) with meteion's voice over. like who cares now meteion, you are somehow still just repeating yourself. endwalker is almost at it's end girl, i get it. everyone wants to die.

where i actually started to get annoyed though was where y'shtola says in no uncertain terms not to use the retcon crystal hydaelyn gave you to call their spirits back. y'shtola, you shouldn't have bothered, because you know wol is going to do absolutely that. why even have her say it? there is no sense of risk whatsoever because that crystal is involved. i still liked the sacrificing, but maybe they should have framed it in a way where it wasn't obvious that the scions were going to be totally fine. ew literally didn't seem ballsy enough to kill all of the scions, and i don't think it should've either. but then it just makes this all very wishy-washy. and even worse was when wol used it to summon HYTHLODAEUS AND EMET-SELCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????? i was so annoyed. i'm still annoyed. back when their memories got wiped hythlodaeus was like oh yeah by the way emet did you know that in the aetherial sea you can get your memories back haha? and i was like okay cool so when they die they can get their memories back, whatever, still don't think me and emet-selch should've been live love laughing on elpis. i didn’t actually think this game would be so juvenile as to let you get to meet them once more with their memories fully intact. i don't know why ew has to dot every i and cross every t and sign off every single bit of intrigue with the biggest fucking full stop The End ever where emet-selch is concerned, holy fuck man. i hated this decision so much. your friends SACRIFICE THEMSELVES so that WOL can face meteion. they believe that at the very end of everything, hydaelyn believes that at the very end of everything, WOL is the one who can defeat meteion. they all put so much faith in you. and the first thing you do is summon emet-selch and hythlodaeus because what? because you just can't fucking help yourself? just shit all over the importance of carrying your friends’ beliefs in you. christ i hated that. i loved seeing the elpis flowers grow all over that fake sun. why couldn't that have been wol who grew them, wol's turn to use dynamis to overcome meteion's despair, flowers that represent the hopes every single person on earth has placed in them to see their star to safety? why? emet-selch there for what? to set in stone his position as the Tsundere once and for all? is that it? to have him renew his vows to wol for the millionth time just in case you forgot that he wants you to take up the mantle of their future? i wish they would go back to never making emet-selch palatable and less hostile to the warrior of light, it feels like such a disservice to the character he was in shadowbringers and to just their characters in general like i do not want to be canon friends with emet-selch! it's not necessary! it's fucking emet-selch! what's even worse is that for some reason while the flowers are growing, emet-selch is just point blank explaining what's going on. he literally says something like, "these flowers are the hopes of everyone meteion you're washed. by the way, if you didn't catch that, wol. you can summon your friends back now." immersion gone. any sense of playing a game that actually gives a fuck gone. so we call our friends back, only to send them away again with the teleporter because meteion is just too strong for us. to be fair i liked that decision, but why fake me out a second time having me think yes, finally wol is going to face meteion ON HER OWN. and then have ZENOS show up? i actually just stopped playing and went to bed. genuinelly just fuck me. who fucking cares anymore.

and then after you finally get meteion to stop being emo and she offers to reconcile with you by sending you safely back to your friends it's like, actually i can't even accept this meteoin. because i have to go fight zenos now. and then it's crazy to me that after you kick zenos' ass for like the millionth time, we're literally on the edge of the world so i'm finally expecting him to say something worth listening to, he opens his mouth and says "you know, wol, this whole time... i've been so bored... and the only thing that gives me joy is fighting you...” like. stuck record. the writers dragged him all the way out here to be a stuck fucking record

i like endwalker btw. kind of. like i know nobody who reads this is going to believe me but i really do. if it had just, well. i don't even know. there's too much wrong with it. it wastes too much time and just doesn't seem to be able to let go. how is it possible that an expansion can make me tired of callbacks to haurchefant being important to wol? i've never felt that before. like how many more flashbacks to his grave does one need to have to know that when wol is fighting for their world they're fighting for their friends too. but this game just cannot let things go. it NEEDS to make that joke about alphinaud gathering firewood four more times. it makes anything i appreciated the second or maybe even the third time just upset me. they can't let anything go, they have to wave it in front of me like it's a dog treat and i'm a dog. a fucking dog with blonde hair and blue eyes

[gavan-of-the-shard]

CHARACTER LORE BLOG for Warrior of Light [G’AV ROYA@Cactuar]

ABOUT

This sideblog is for logging and sharing the background lore and story tweaks to FFXIV PC G’av Roya

All content on-blog will remain PG-13 or below in content level.

Author’s Note warnings will be included in the context of potentially difficult content.

WRITER

Hello! I’m the resident writer. You can call me Mera!

I’ve been playing FFXIV for years, but I am still in the Endwalker portion of the story.

I am over the age of 18. Please take that into consideration before following if you are on the younger side of fandom!

TAGS

“ARR/HW/SB/ShB/EW/DT Spoilers” — Generic tags for spoiler content by expansion.

“G’av flavored” — External posts that are, as it says, G’av flavored.

“G’avposing” — In-game screenshots/G-posing

LINKS

[BIO LINK PLACEHOLDER]

[LORE LINK PLACEHOLDER]

[caitlyn-oloria]

First proper post (and alot following it) will be stuff i've talked about elsewhere but I want it all to be in one place.

Her various romantic relationships throughout the game! (Spoilers for everything up through Endwalker)

ARR - She hardcore was crushing on Minfilia, was completely enamoured with Haurchefant and genuinely felt a major connection with what she learned of Ysayle. She actually planned on asking Minfilia out after the bloody banquet but well. Yea.

HW - Started dating Ysayle and eventually entered a polycule with Haurchefant. Initially there was nothing between the other two but they grew super close over time through Caitlyn! When both of them died she swore she'd NEVER go through that again and distanced herself from any romantic emotions whatsoever. During post HW she found herself growing incredibly close with Aymeric but she forced herself to shut him out for quite sometime to avoid that hurt again.

SB - This is roughly when Fray entered the picture. Sometime between post HW and early Stormblood. There's something vaguely homoerotic going on between her and Fray but neither refuse to work out what the heck is going on

ShB - Unfortunately for her she did start crushing on Ardbert insanely hard. She knew it was literally doomed but that feeling was too strong for her to bury this time. Eventually she finds out who the crystal exarch is and her distrust immediately swaps to admiration. In some weird way she's yet to fully take the time to process she also had feelings for Emet Selch, the very thought is alarming to her so she buried that one DEEP and has yet to look back on, even now

Post ShB - (This one gets its own category) She starts dating G'raha! Not telling him hurt more than potentially losing him so she asked him out and they started dating! A small ways into post ShB Fray and Ardbert start vibing inside of Caitlyn's head and decide, hey. Let's give it a shot! So those two are dating now as well

EW - Once the final days started was when she officially told the Scions she was dating G'raha (they weren't subtle but wanted it officially known). In Ultima Thule G'raha proposed before sacrificing himself, eventually getting married on the moon in post EW. During which she started a journal detailing her accounts of everything which is when the scions first learn of the majority of this list

Post EW - During the pandaemonium raids she caught herself stumbling back into the "Do I have feelings for Elidibus" stage that she ended up in during 5.3 to which, yea. She did. She's aware that she could continue to see him, but refuses to as knowing what she knows, it would be such a cruel thing to do so she just. buried that one. After quitting adventuring for some time post Endwalker she picked up a job as a gleaner, during which she became great friends with Erenville.

Dawntrail - (No expansion spoilers, just the time when it happened) After the many events throughout Dawntrail her and Erenville grew even closer and have started dating right at the end (He starts dating G'raha eventually too, they all share a shocking amount of interests!)

[catboyextranet]

Have to get this out of my brain bc I didn’t have time to write it before Dawntrail. No spoilers - Mhazi x graha ramblings under the cut:

I was thinking to myself prior to the launch about how awkward things were still between graha and mhazi, and from there I started thinking abt if there was any potential for that changing…

Here is where I lay out my insanity: Estinien had been seeing Graha casually (he and mhazi are not exclusive, and mhazi has been hard to reach at the best of times post Endwalker). Estinien doesn't exactly know what happened between the two of them, mhazi never says, but Graha went into it a little bit more (you know, the SHB msq). Estinien knows mhazi is being unfair about it, and takes it upon himself to see if he can mend their relationship, even in part. Because mhazi is who he is, Estinien figures maybe he could convince Mhazi to join him n Graha one night, somewhere prior to 7.0. It served to also let him track down where mhazi had been hiding.

Mhazi has reservations but agrees - he is being unfair, and resentful. But the proposition is just interesting enough that he wants to see if it plays out. (it does). and while it doesn't completely repair trust, graha gets to return to a casual friendship with him, and mhazi doesn't continue to stew and let resentment build. (also, graha gets to **** him, so another win)

thank u for coming to my ted talk

[xsialia]

.

[cinnabun-faerie]

So, I have a fun idea maybe (and totally not related to a fanfic I write in my freetime): how do you think the Scions would react if their S/O, who they assumed had amnesia because of the previous calamity, finally reveals that actually they were summoned by Hydaelyn from an entire different world and that the summoning had happened while they were dying (so basically, Isekai!WoL that everyone assumed had amnesia) so they aren't entirely sure they could go back (not that they want to anymore)

A/N: I love isekai stuff (not just because I have a ffxiv isekai storyline set up for my WoLs)!

Warning: Spoiler warning for shb, ew & post endwalker/newfound adventures

She becomes instantly worried that something will happen to you. Look what happened to her and the other Scions on the first? Not to mention you almost died here. Even if you didn't want to leave, she would beg you to find information. If you were to officially die here, she would bring you back only to send you back to the lifestream.

Alphinaud

He'd be shocked, yet the pieces of information are finally falling into place. Now he really understands why you know nothing about the Calamity or why you were so clueless when it came to anything in the Source and so on. He would happily offer to teach you more.

Alisaie

Estinien

G'raha Tia

He would think this would be rather curious to find out more about where you're from. He's itching to hear stories about it. He would wonder if it was possible to find a way to get you back. Not that he wanted you to leave, of course. But if there was a way, would you mind a travelling companion?

Thancred

He doesn't bat an eye at it. Just says "Alright" and goes about his day. He does believe you. And it explained a lot. He just wonders some things. Fancy swapping a few tales while having a drink together?

Well. He might not want to believe it at first. But over time he would accept it. This was certainly not the strangest thing he's heard of. Despite not wanting you to leave, he would try to find a way to send you back. There could be people back in your home that need you or miss you.

Urianger

Well he would certainly have more questions than you have answers. Perhaps you could tell him the last thing you remember before coming here? Also where are you from? Are you from another shard like the First? or perhaps not at all? He is very interest to learn all he can from you.

Y'shtola

She knew something was not right. How could you not have even the spec of knowledge of the Source? But now everything made sense. Hydaelyn saw your potential and saved you from death. But after all you have done and sacrificed for the Source, should you not be able to return to your world? Even so, she wanted you to stay. While that was selfish, she didn't care. But if she could help you find a way to make an active portal or something, she would.

[crystalbahamut]

what roams the night

FFXIV Write Day 2: Aberrant

Summary: Lyna is grateful to the Warrior of Darkness for what they have done for Lakeland, but they remain an oddity she does not fully know how to handle.

Author’s note: I started off wanting to write people talking about the WoL as the First’s Most Loveable Cryptid but ended with this. I think it’s still on theme, though. Takes place some nebulous time in ShB, after Philia is defeated. I also don’t actually know how much the general populace knows of what’s going on, so I’m winging it.

Warnings: Shadowbringers spoilers, playing fast and loose with canon, unspecified WoL/D (they/them used in reference), but also a mention of WoL/D crafting and generally being pleasant and helpful, cross-posted to AO3

Words: 1,188

 ---

“It don’t seem natural.”

Lyna stops, one ear flicking towards a hushed conversation between a group of soldiers currently sitting around a fire on break. She’s been trying to keep track of potential grumbling– the addition of night exercises had caused no small amount of grief when it came to scheduling, but no one could deny the need to acclimate to patrolling in the dark, if only so that everyone stops being so distracted by the stars. This, though, doesn’t sound like complaints about decisions command has made– though Lyna notices one of her lieutenants, Boa-Lann, has a frown on his face and also has an ear turned towards the conversation.

“They didn’t even take a lantern with them– I offered and everything,” the hume says. “I couldn’t escort them, but I figured it wouldn’t do for a friend of the Crystal Exarch to get eaten by a viper on their way to the water. They told me they didn’t need it– the moon was bright enough! I mean, it was brighter than tonight, but still…”

“I think they prefer the dark,” a drahn woman says as she comes to sit with them. “I barely ever see them during the sunlight hours, but I’ve bumped into them twice after my shift.”

An elf private excitedly adds, “I saw them at night too! One time they were just crafting some leathers at a little bench they had set up outside. Weren’t even admiring the sky or nothing.”

“It makes sense, doesn’t it?” a ronso says, and more people are gathering when he adds, “I mean…they are…they gotta be…”

Lyna turns her ear away and sighs with frustration as she crosses her arms. A stranger shows up one day, turns out to be a very important guest of the Exarch, goes to fight at a battle at which the Lightwarden of Lakeland is vanquished, and people are not supposed to assume this newcomer is the Warrior of Darkness? The Exarch is not a stupid man– sometimes reckless, eccentric, and always prone to overlooking his own health– but not stupid, and far too devoted to the Crystarium and her people to not know this would happen. She had known this would happen, and so she curses herself for yet being unprepared to deal with it.

“Captain?”

But she is going to have to deal with it now. She tilts her ear back towards the group as though she hasn’t been listening– thankfully there are no other viis to call her on that– and lets her head follow. Behind the (now much bigger) group, Boa-Lann tilts his head in question and she subtly shakes her own. He nods once but stays, and she is thankful for the backup. “What is it?”

“You saw the Warrior of Darkness at the battle for Holminster Switch, didn’t you?” the hume asks and they all eagerly lean forward. Like children, she thinks with faint amusement. They do their duties well; she cannot entirely begrudge them their excitement.

And yet.

“I did,” she says, and before any more questions can be asked, quickly adds, “And I have been forbidden from revealing their identity or anything that can lead to such a reveal. Such orders were given by the Crystal Exarch himself.”

There is, predictably, a lot of groaning and protestations. She remains impassive in the face of them.

“Why?” the ronso asks. “Do the people not deserve to know the face of their savior?”

“I do not think he would disagree with that reasoning,” she says, because she doesn’t. “But it is more complicated than that, as the Warrior of Darkness also requested their identity not be revealed. I cannot speak for my lord but, were I in his place, I would want to keep relations with them as pleasant as possible. They have done us an unimaginable service already…I think abiding their wish for anonymity is not an unreasonable request.”

The ronso grumbles but does not countermand her. He is that sensible, at least.

“I think…I think that’s probably for the best,” a hume woman, one of the healers, says hesitantly. “If they’re here to bring the dark back to the world, they have to go to the other Lightwardens, and then with Eulmore hunting them, it’s just safer and easier to be anonymous, isn’t it?”

“Indeed,” Lyna says, thankful for the guided distraction. “And…though I cannot say much more, I can say I asked why they would rather remain unknown. They said they prefer the people to direct their admiration to the night sky, where they feel it better belongs. Perhaps they will reveal it themself someday, but for now, their work is not yet done.”

Her words seem to soothe the edge of the more disgruntled ones, and even cause some looks of admiration among the others. Oh well; if the Exarch wants less of such wonder, he can find a way to deal with it.

Lyna stands straight and clears her throat. “And neither is ours. If Eulmore returns they will be unprepared for the darkness of night, but we will be well practiced. So– back to your units. The next break will be for dinner.”

They get up without complaint and Lyna watches them go before she turns– only to come nearly face to face with the subject just discussed. “What-what are you doing here?”

The Warrior smiles apologetically and hefts a bag to readjust it on their shoulder. “Sorry; I saw you talking to your soldiers and didn’t want to interrupt.”

“How did you come up so quietly?” Lyna doesn’t mean to sound so irritated, but her ears work just fine, thank you.

“I stepped around the foliage,” they say, like they did not just come from an angle with no lanterns.

“Sounds like stepping silently in the dark is pretty natural to you,” one of the soldiers says cheekily.

“I’ve participated in a treasure hunt or two. You learn to get real quiet creeping around caves full of things that would like to eat you,” the Warrior says pleasantly and shifts again, either not understanding the implication or completely ignoring it. Lyna doesn’t know fully what to think of them just yet. “Um, Captain, since I have your attention, I don’t suppose you can point me to the mess? I’ve got a delivery from the Crystarium and I’d really like to put it down.”

“You’re helping with dinner?” she asks, because even not being known as The Warrior, surely the Exarch’s guest is above such menial tasks?

“I’m a trained chef; I can help,” the Warrior says defensively. They then drop their voice and wink at Lyna. “I mean…if you can’t trust me with your food, who can you trust, right?”

The first one then. Lyna can’t help but smile ever so slightly. “I suppose you have a point,” she says and directs them to the right building. As she watches them go, cheerfully on their way to help cook dinner for a bunch of soldiers, she shakes her head. The Warrior of Darkness is an odd one, for certain.

But she can’t find it in herself to mind overmuch.

[fleetingfigures]

|| 2020: A Retrospective ||

With the year coming to a close soon, thank god, I thought it’d be cool to take a look back and see what’s transpired in FFXIV as well as this blog! Anyone also reading this, I invite to do the same, if you have time of course. It’s always nice to close out the year thinking of the positives. Though, without further ado let’s goooo~

Blog-Related

- Actually, well, started using this thing! Met a lot of cool peeps and had the chance to actually break out into the world RP thanks to it.

- Almost hit 100 followers, just 5 shy! 

- Top 10 Posts of the Year!

1). Promise Me You’ll... 116 notes - Aug 19 2020 

First and only post I’ve had reach 100 notes! Mighty proud of the posing I pulled off for this, and who knows, I might make a sequel in due time. WoL!AU’s are still very much my weakness. And G’raha. He’s a weakness of mine too, if it wasn’t readily apparent already.

2). LFRP - Saerno Glista (Balmung/Crystal DC)  75 notes - Jan 28 2020. 

Ah... My old LFRP. I even updated it, but I feel the need to change it again, especially given the fact I’m Giving my Carrd a complete overhaul. Might do the same to this blog too lmao. New Year new me as they say, but in actuality a lot has occurred for a certain catboy and things must be adjusted.

3). I Was Busy Thinking ‘Bout Boys  70 notes - Dec 5 2020

I was surprised this even got the attention it did lol. Seems NPC-related content is my most popular stuff. Also I am highly disappointed no one could recognize Arnott from the HW anima weapon quests. Y-yea he’s a very minor NPC, but I think he’s a cutie.

4). Black Mage is a Fun Class 51 notes - May 6 2020

The first of my fun class series! Originally wasn’t supposed to be a series at all, but I decided that every class in the game deserved some love! Also can I just say how much I love staves? Oh and the pagos bandana. It fits oddly well Sae imo.

5). Eden’s Promise Eternity 46 notes - Dec 18 2020

One of my more recent posts, and one not all too involved in the posing. Though, like I said in the post, the MOMENT I saw that arena, I fell in love with its lighting. OST is also a banger. Glad that people enjoyed random glamour shots with Gshade improving the already good lighting.

6). A Guide to Arcanima 42 notes - Sep 28 2020

The post I put the most time into... Photoshopping became so tedious at some points, but it was well worth it! I’m proud of the result and the opportunity to share some of my views upon the RP-flexibility of Arcanima.

7). Random Shower Thought 32 notes - Feb 9 2020

...I genuinely do not remember making this post.

8). Astrologian is a Fun Class 31 notes - Nov 30 2020

My old healing main, but still without a doubt the most beautiful class in the game. I wish Tumblr didn’t restrict gif sizes, but I understand the need for people’s devices to not implode when loading resources. So much grain could be reduced and more detail could be added, but alas. The screenshot at the end is still my favorite screenshot of Sae I’ve taken, even if it’s not IC.

9). Crystarium Coat of Scouting 29 notes - Mar 20 2020

And I still stand by my statements today. Since last tier is a patch behind us now, I could spare some augments to finally dye the coat. And, like a basic bitch, I’ve made Saerno’s ninja Rogue glamour jet black as far as the eye can see; all leather, of course. What is a rogue really without their leather?

10). 26 notes - Nov 16 2020

One of my first gifsets next to my Ninja ones! It Showcases the wonderful land of La Noscea, Sae’s only true home, and highlights some of his personal favorite areas! Hence why Limsa is barely pictured. He likes the city, but growing up in the country makes one appreciate the more natural side of La Noscea.

(Created by TumblrTop10)

In-Game

- Levelled all classes to 80! Though it does feel a bit hollow not being able to get xp for doing stuff now...

- Started Raiding... Well, seriously. I used to be a scrub and only do e1,e5 and e6 savage in PF, but a friend’s static needed a healer and they all but convinced me I was good enough to join. It’s been a hell of a ride, I’ll finally be going into e12s soon, but my experiences thus far have been awesome to say the least. I feel like I’m actually getting the most out of this game now that I both savage raid and take the time to RP.

- FINALLY GOT A HOUSE ON BALMUNG. 

God was the release of the new wards hella stressful. Stayed up all night, logged on the second I could, booted up next to the ferryman. Didn’t get my ideal plot, but got the neighboring one. I finally got to house something with more than 100 slots, and for that, I am eternally thankful.

- Finished those goddamn Shared Fates. And all so I could get a piece of music and possibly make a few million gil selling other SHB area themes. Crystarium night theme is the GOAT and you cannot tell me otherwise.

Roleplay

- Actually RP’ed outside of my circle of friends! Now I haven’t had the time recently to seriously go back to it like I once did, but the things I’ve learned and the people I’ve met... I wouldn’t trade it for the world. With this upcoming new year, and me taking a small break from Uni, I think I’ll begin in earnest again! First I’ve gotta update all these damn sites first to better reflect where Saerno is now.

- New Plotlines realized, old ones closed up. It’s cathartic and oh so satisfying, in a way, to see your OC go through legitimate change and to have them put a cap upon a phase of their life, slowly moving on to the next. While Saerno is still as brash as ever, he’s begun to realize just how fragile his life is. To slow down, to sit back, rest, to think about the direction his life is headed, that is the essence of his new arc.

- Secrets to uncover. To keep things brief and without many spoiler, Saerno has made the transition from Arcanist to Summoner, but with it comes its own host of problems, ones that Saerno has to grapple lest things take a turn for the worse.

- Potential Alts. Well, now that I have money again... I may actually follow through on one of the many alt ideas I’ve had, some tangentially tied to Saerno’s own story, others completely unrelated. A tailor with an unrequited love that’s inspired him throughout his hardships? Perhaps the prodigal daughter of a family whose cunning nature only fuels her desire of pure freedom? Or maybe the son of Doman liberators, trying desperately to gain the approval and praise of others so that his parents’ name do not die out completely. So many choices... 

And, well, that’s all! So far while 2020 has been quite terrible, at least I have these moments to look back upon fondly. Thanks to any and all of your who have been here this year, and here’s to hoping for a wonderful 2021! 

[hyethla]

Under the cut follows a long rant about some stuff regarding SHB, and some major changes I will make regarding my muse’s characterization and my portrayal of her.

To anyone interested in continuing / starting interactions with me, I recommend reading at least the part marked “ABOUT MINFILIA” at the end ( though beware of spoilers if you have yet to finish the story. ) I will also update my rules regarding this. 

HW Minfilia was my jam, despite her having like 5 mins of screentime. I loved the corruption by Hydaelyn ( as I kept mentioning over and over again while first creating this blog, my apologies to anyone enduring that ) I LOVED the shadiness regarding the Word of the Mother, and the whole duality aspect of her. It’s what made me want to write Minfilia in the first place. 

Then came SHB with Mini-filia. Which I also loved. Her blue eyes? HELL YES! The generations of her? SIGN ME UP. There was so much internal struggle, so much to explore and develop, so much potential. Then after a while, certain aspects started to develop which I simply cannot overlook. Not only in regards to Minfilia, but I felt like some character’s were disregarded for the sake of the story. 

Of course there are more aspects which are kinda hmmm regarding the SBH story ( multiple points have already been covered by my amazing gf @catleha​ ), but I will mostly focus on Minfilia since she is my muse. But in a nutshell, I can say I have a strong dislike towards the lack of struggle, and the lack of consequences. And the issue I have with Minfilia was when “Ryne” came into the picture.

Because gaining a certain power does not mean that you automatically understand it. 

Without training, without knowing what the heck she’s doing, without anything basically, this “Ryne” can all of a sudden do so much ( basically Y’shtola 2.0 ). What also disappointed me was that every problem that beforehand was a thing had all of a sudden been solved, because apparently, every issue gets resolved when an older version of you kisses your forehead. And why? Because the plot demanded it. Similar to the way Urianger’s lie was basically looked over, because everyone “just accepted it :).”

Thancred is all of a sudden A-OK with “Ryne”, and the fact that the old Minfilia is now basically gone too. Yes, there are hints suggesting that old Minfilia is guiding “Ryne”, but it’s hardly a striking feature. Everyone likes “Ryne,” everyone is okay with “Ryne”, even “Ryne”; who previously struggled so much with her identity and finding her place is all of a sudden ok with being “Ryne.” And that is what I have an issue with. 

I loved the old Hydaelyn corrupted Minfilia. I loved Mini-filia. I loved the direction this story started to take. And that is why I’m sad. Because the reason why I wanted to write this muse is basically gone. Kind of the same feeling I had back in the FFXV fandom; I started writing Lunafreya based on the Kingsglaive Lunafreya. Then we got the in game Lunafreya which made me go ???? because she was so different, albeit being the same woman. And I feel like a similar thing is happening here. 

To anyone still reading... 

HERE IS THE IMPORTANT PART TO KNOW REGARDING IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE WRITING WITH ME / START WRITING WITH ME.

ABOUT MINFILIA:

On this blog, I write Minfilia. And Ryne is not Minfilia. I write ARR Minfilia ( on demand ), I would be more than happy to develop a Word of the Mother based on the HW Minfilia and reach out to people, plot out AU’s e.t.c. I happily write SHB Minfilia / Mini-filia. 

BUT after Mini-filia meets her old self, I will go canon divergent. 

Instead of “Ryne’s” personality winning over the old one, this body becomes corrupted by the old Hydaelyn infused Minfilia. SHE DOES THUS NOT GET THE NAME RYNE, instead she keeps the name Minfilia. She still gets powerful, but she struggles to understand this power and does not immediately know how to wield it. She gets overwhelmed by the light, and struggles with how much she sees now. 

Storywise, I won’t change much. Post her meeting with the old Minfilia, her inner workings just go a bit “darker” than what we saw in the original story. So if you want to write with me post her “transformation,” what to keep in mind is to keep calling her Minfilia, and that she struggles a lot with understanding her power. She does not push Y’shtola out of the picture, but rather gets help from her to understand the aether and how to understand / use her new powers. I’m not trying to bend the lore or change the story; It was mentioned that another version could win, and I simply embrace that possibility. 

I also want to point out that I am not forcing anyone to agree with me on what I’ve written; If anyone does not approve of my ideas, I know that there are Ryne blogs on tumblr and more canon driven Minfilias, I do not by any means force anyone to interact with me. If anyone wants more information other than what I’ve written out, feel free to send me asks / approach me in my IM’s for that or plotting ( it would take some burden of my gf for having to sustain all my rantings too. ) 

I also welcome Ryne muses or versions of Minfilia to come interact with me ( e.g. my Word of the Mother or Oracle of Light ), because I honestly LOVE stuff like that. 

SO yeah... That’s pretty much it. 

[djgamek1ng]

PLD LEVEL 80 STORY RAGE [FFXIV] RANT

So it has been a while since ShB came out. I’ve gotten all my tanks to level 80, did all of the job quests and oh boy I have some stuff to talk about. Since this is a rant post as you can see by the title, I’m just gonna put this out there: I’m gonna be swearing in this post. I’m probably gonna be swearing a lot. If you don’t like that or don’t like anger/negativity in general, you should probably skip this post (aka, don’t click “Read more”) even though I will be raising some more legitimate criticisms and how to improve one of the tank’s stories... no shuddup, the title totally doesn’t give it away.

Also, on another note, I will be posting my impressions of each of the tanks later. Hopefully somewhere this weekend, but no promises. I have a lot to talk about and I wanna cover it well.

Also also, spoiler warning. I will probably spoil some stuff though I will try to be vague about it.

Okay, let’s start with some positivity first. Some happiness if you will and so we shall start with what in my opinion is undoubtably the best level 80 story of the tanks: Dark Knight. All of the 80 job quests are really short, but still give a decent story. I hope next expac we do get a bit more, even if they decide to just go with the one job quest route again.

Anyway, DRK’s level 80 story quest... holy fuck. I was not prepared. This only re-affirms it for me: the DRK story has no right to be only just a job quest story. It honestly feels like it should be part of the MSQ. So TL;DR for this quest: you go to Sidurgu to check in on him and Rielle. Sidurgu hands you a letter from an unknown sender. You go to find out who the letter is from through a slightly long fetch quest, though you do get to re-meet people from the DRK quest of the previous expacs. Eventually you come by the person who send it, the person that ridiculed you for ruining the wares he asked you to return to him. He feels sorry about it and wanted to thank you (which is what the letter was about btw) and tells you the story of how life went for him after that (not well until recently). He hands you a flower to give to someone, though it is more suiting for a funeral or a farewell. You go off to be brooding and there appears your darkside. You exchange some words with them and then return back to Sidurgu. This honestly felt really powerful and in fact, was the second time I had to wipe away a tear or two from my face this expansion. I have done it no justice and I implore you to at least look it up on YouTube, but preferably you do it yourself. Even though it was just 1 pretty short quest, this was hands down the best tank job story this expac. Even the entirety of the GNB story doesn’t come close.

Onwards to second place: WAR. The WAR story this time around was pretty nice. Not as deep or feeling provoking, but just... nice.

TL;DR: Curious Gorge can’t take it anymore and wants to know if Dorgono (the female Auri WAR from the SB story) loves him the same way he does with her. He wants to travel to the Far East. Coincidentally, Dorgono and her dad come to Eorzea. Drogono’s dad, Luvsan, wants to repay us for helping Dorgono control her inner beast. He repays us by making a medicine (which is a placebo) which allows Broken Mountain to train as a WAR once more. Afterwards, Luvsan returns to the Azim Steppe but leaves Dorgono behind to train more (and fall in love, which was his first intent in Eorzea to begin with). Oh and Curious Gorge freaks out and thinks that the WoL and Dorgono are in love with each other because they smiled at each other. Dorgono knocks some sense into him, since she isn’t in love with us but someone else (no points if you guess right).

And that was WAR’s story. Simple, funny, effective and heartwarming. I actually really liked it and it was my favorite tank job story before I leveled DRK. Overal, pretty good! GNB. Well, probably the 2nd weakest tank job story but even then, this is honestly pretty good. I will only summarize the 80 story to the others. TL;DR: after having trained under the last Gunbreaker out there, Radovan, and having saved the First, you return to him. You tell him your story, especially about another Gunbreaker being out there named Thancred. He’s confused since he doesn’t know Thancred and he didn’t train him. You go on a fetch quest on a trail for someone that looks a lot like Radovan and uses the same kind of weapon. It turns out, Radovan isn’t the last Gunbreaker out there as others of his home place have survived and the trail we picked up was of Rostik, another Gunbreaker. After it, you return back to Mor Dhona and are happy to know that the art of Gunbreaking isn’t about to be lost. Again, like the DRK story, I didn’t do it much justice and with the context of the 60-70 GNB quests it becomes a lot more interesting. Still very nice. I would personally say it is a bit weaker than WAR, but that is because I have grown to care about the people in the WAR quest for longer. PLD... UGH. TL;D-FUCKING-R; You go to Jenlyns. Jenlyns is worried about Mylla, the head of the gladiator guild. You got to Mylla. She is worried about Aldis, the wandering bum. Speaking of him, he walks inside the gladiators guild to show of his samurai skills. He challenges you to a duel. You get ready to fight and he sees how much strong you have become. You say it is because of you have things to protect. The duel ends with Aldis giving up before it began. You and Mylla go back to the gladiator guild. Aldis steps in and asks if he can stay. Mylla goes all tsundere (ugh) and allows him to stay. You fuck off and do literally anything else.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. WHY. THERE WAS ONE REALLY COOL THING. ALDIS SEEING HOW STRONG YOU GOT BY SEEING AN AURA AROUND YOU. THIS HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO. FUCK THAT, WE NEED TO HAVE THIS ROMANCE PLOT BETWEEN TWO CHARACTERS OF THE FUCKING GLADIATOR STORYLINE. YEAH, THAT IS SO MUCH BETTER. NO NEED TO EXPLAIN HOW THE PLD POWERS ARE EVEN A THING OUTSIDE OF TRAINING (WHICH LITERALLY EVERY FUCKING JOB HAS TO DO BTW), NO NEED TO SHOW US THAT WE SAVE PEOPLE AND DO ALL THIS KNIGHTLY/PALADINY SHIT OUTSIDE OF THE GODDAMN MSQ. NOOOOOOOO, THAT WOULD MAKE FOR AN ACTUAL GOOD FUCKING STORY LINE INSTEAD OF THIS BULLSHIT. GOD FUCKING DAMMIIIIIIT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA- *insert static screen here* sigh As you can no doubt tell by everything that I just typed, I am slightly upset at the PLD story. It had one really neat thing going for it, something that could make it feel more like a Paladin/Knight story (need I remind you, in JP PLD is called Knight). Instead however, anything interesting gets brushed aside because “well, the MSQ covers it already. Nevermind that the fucking WAR, DRK and GNB stories do show us protecting stuff in their respective quests”. Hell, wanna know the biggest slap in the face? We got a really good PLD story. It just wasn’t part of the PLD story. Instead it was inside of the tank role quests where we got to see more of Branden (the PLD inside the Warriors of Darkness group) and his past. It was amazing and honestly heartbreaking, since it didn’t have a great ending for Branden but he still did what he had to do. The biggest problem for me since SB is that the PLD story has just become a continuation of the Gladiator storyline and I’m happy for the people that really like Aldis and Mylla, but I’m so fucking bored of those two. At least with Curious Gorge and Dorgono you know that the two are actually in love with each other and that they will finally be able to be together, even if for now it is only to train together. With Mylla and Aldis... Aldis just does not give off that he has any interest in Mylla while Mylla is obviously in love with him but doesn’t want to admit it since “oooh, let’s have a tsundere character”. SERIOUSLY. DO ANYTHING WITH THEM. Aldis comes to the conclusion to ask if he can stay with the gladiator’s guild because of us admitting that we have something to protect now (WHICH BTW, IT ISN’T STATED EXPLICITLY WHAT WE HAVE TO PROTECT NOW AND HAS TO BE GAINED OUT OF THE FUCKING MSQ) and that is why we became that strong. Okay, so how would I rank them? DRK >>> WAR => GNB (WAR overal was better, but GNB is pretty close to it) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> PLD. 

Now, since I don’t want to be only negative, how about some ways to improve the PLD story? Honestly, it is very simple: make it similar to the DRK one, only with a brighter, more optimistic tone compared to the DRK’s more somber and pessimistic tone. Think of Superman and Batman: one is about needing to save the world while being a beacon of hope for the world, the other is about dragging the world back from the brink and being pessimistic/realistic about everything. An example: let’s say someone important to the job story dies in a battle. The PLD would mourn them, but still continue to fight the good fight and rally their (potentially) allies. The DRK would mourn them and instead go fucking nuts on whoever killed their ally. Either would be able to go for vengeance, but it wouldn’t be on the PLD’s to-do list while it becomes the only thing on the DRK’s to-do list.

That’s just my idea on it though. Could obviously be better written than I could ever do, but it would work honestly. Anyway, I think I’ll wrap it up here. I’m glad that 3 out of the 4 tank stories was good, but I’m really pissed of at that 1 out of the 4 that isn’t good. Thank you for reading. Sorry for the swearing, but I had to get it off my chest.

[igayorhm]

Shadowbringers Spoiler Tags

Early access starts this week woo!

Anyway I’m not sure how much I’ll be posting about shb, but just a heads up for those who want to avoid spoilers. These will the main spoiler tags I’ll be using for anything I talk about in regards to it:

#ffxiv spoilers

#shadowbringers spoilers

#shb spoilers

Also Yoshi-P has asked us to hold off on discussing any potentially spoilery content until after July 5th. And so out of respect for that I won’t be posting about any shb story content until then. 

[yezielmoore]

I posted 145 times in 2021

33 posts created (23%)

112 posts reblogged (77%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.4 posts.

I added 237 tags in 2021

#ffxiv - 49 posts

#ffxivwrite - 30 posts

#ffxivwrite2021 - 30 posts

#my writing - 30 posts

#yeziel writes - 30 posts

#kaito seaborn - 25 posts

#nirvana in fire - 11 posts

#foodporn - 11 posts

#charlottedabookworm - 11 posts

#nif - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 62 characters

#can fuck the right off a cliff and never darken my space again

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Day 3: Scale

Honestly, this could fit the universe of my main WoL and all my alts, lol. It’s all very vague, but spoiler warning for SHB until 5.3. Anyway, onwards!

...

Scale

n. A standard of measurement or judgment; a criterion.

Unworthy.

It was unworthy. 

‘But of course it is’, a snide voice that Hades recognized as his own thoughts sneered. ‘Were you really expecting anything else? How stupid are you?’

Hidden by magicks as well as the natural shade of the forest, Hades observed the Warrior and his pets blunder about the forest, undoubtedly taking in the new environment and making enough noise to attract anything with basic intelligence to boot. 

His gaze focused on the leader of the group, the only one in this ragtag bunch of shades with barely a modicum of potential. What he saw only soured his mood further. 

Even this early in the game, the light suffusing the Warrior’s soul was blinding, painfully so. It’d be worrying if he had it in him to care. Alas, it was not to be. 

‘What even is the point of this?’

Ah, the age-old question. One that Lahabrea had asked constantly and with increasing ire before his untimely demise at the hands of his own hubris. One that Elidibus never voiced but was painfully obvious in his aether every time they shared the same physical space for longer than a greeting. 

Entertainment, he would answer every time. The mission was all good, but an Ascian has to have a hobby lest his wits dull and whither like a subpar construct cut off from its source of aether, he’d point out with a flourish. 

The ever impatient Lahabrea would scoff and chide him but leave him to his designs in the end, content in the knowledge that he’d do his part, as he always did. Elidibus was a… different matter. Distant yet involved. Familiar and alien at the same time. Whether he spoke or chose to remain silent, his departure would leave Emet-Selch with a sour taste in his mouth. The mission was everything Elidibus was nowadays, whatever remained of the youngest among them was… inconsequential, fragmented, gone by the next meeting. 

And yet, both of them had forgotten something vital about him. They had forgotten that Hades, at his core, had always been an optimist. 

Sure, time, tempering and more trauma that anyone could deal with had chipped at his sense of self. He could see it in his fellow unsundered and he was not so removed from reality that he would consider himself above them. But one couldn’t create Empires and steer civilizations that would last for ages and beyond without at least some faith and hope that even such diminished people could perform their roles well, if not remotely perfect.

While Lahabrea had long written off all of creation as a waste of time and effort and only useful relative to the purpose they’d serve once Zodiark was revived and Elidibus may as well be dead, considering his role in things, Hades looked at the shattered pieces of their people and saw… something. 

A glimmer of potential, maybe. Dim and barely there, but there all the same. 

Once upon a long forgotten time, Hades had been perfect for his job because he could see that little seed and immediately know how to help it along, how best to build it up while shoring its deficiencies. That’s what made him such a perfect fit for the seat of the Architect.

Unfortunately, he could never articulate any of that to his compatriots, he could barely think it to himself around the dark blanket of Zodiark’s will. 

So he tested them, these fragile mortal shells. Time and time again. He took measure of their potential and found them lacking. Over and over and over and over again. Even those that shone brighter, that stood above their fellows, fell short long before the endline. 

It was disappointing. It was crushing. 

It was to be expected. It was wrong, wrong, wrong. He was supposed to build, not crush, not demolish... 

This time would be no different, he was sure. Yes, this Warrior was more resilient than most, stronger than most, he had even bested Lahabrea and Hades could admit that was no easy feat. Impossible, more like. 

Regardless, the result would be the same. 

Were he to weigh every single living thing in the Source and all the Shards against the lesser of his brethren and these pathetic little creatures would still come out lacking. It was the simple truth. 

But. He had made a deal. A promise. Hades was many things, most of them terrible from an outsider point of view, but he was no liar. He’d keep his side of the deal to the best of his abilities, and when it fell through, he’d pick up the pieces, dust himself off and move on. 

As he always did. 

As he would always do.

Until the mission was complete and he could finally, finally, rest.

7 notes • Posted 2021-09-03 22:49:05 GMT

#4

Day 12: Extra Credit.

Wait, what it that noise? Oh look, it's canon falling off the rails, whoops!

Kaito's extra bits of the Echo is fantasy synesthesia, with a dash of empathy. When someone talks or makes noise he sees that as colors that best represent their soul. Much less intense is the flavors he tastes that he asociates with each person he meets and change sligthly with strong feelings.

~.~.~

Prompt: Adversary.

n. one that contends with, opposes, or resists: an enemy or opponent.

He isn’t sure what he's seeing and tasting at first, in those first weeks after being dropped off in Limsa Lominsa by Hana, who was deep blue and pink with bursts of yellow and whose words tasted like that green tea from her homeland. He still remembers the bitter tang her parting words left in his tongue, the same he tasted each and every time she checked on him while pretending she was doing other, more important, things and he was a pit-stop.

Hana had been terribly confusing.

It takes him a while to figure out the basics beyond see and taste words and sounds. He realizes that people are palettes and no two persons have the same color combination or hue, it is as good as having a personal ID on everyone he meets. He doesn't figure out the taste for the longest time, not until Ifrit, when those tempered went… wrong. Their colors smothered under the same hue as the primal and all their individual flavors taking on the same sweet/rotten tang. It had been incredibly disturbing and disconcerting at the time, but be had put together a theory afterwards.

Even so, he hadn't realized this strange ability of his was anything to write home about. So he can see sounds, what of it? It's not very useful, now is it? In identifying those tempered, sure, but unless someone pulls a switcheroo, why would it matter?

'Why indeed', he thinks wryly as he enters the Solar in the Walking Sands and stops dead in his tracks, eyes immediately zeroing on the anomaly in their midst.

“My friend, welcome…” Minfilia greets him with her customary warm smile, which falters when she sees his expression. “Is aught amiss?”

“Yes, yes there is,” Kaito says calmly, far more calm than he feels. He prowls forwards, eyes fixed unerringly on Thancred, who raises an eyebrow in a wordless question. “Let’s start easy with the easy question. Who the fuck are you?”

Around this strange stand-off the other scions, already worried at his uncharacteristically hostile actions, all tense in alarm. They are uncertain and he can't really blame them. Fond of him as they are, Thancred has been one of them for much, much longer. However, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear to him, they trust him a lot more than he would have dared believe, newcomer that he is. It’s for this reason that they don’t immediately jump on him, choosing instead a watch and see approach.

For his part, Thancred's eyes widen at the accusation, the shock in his expression completely genuine. He has caught the interloper by surprise it seems, but instead of the worry and alarm that Kaito would expect Thancred to betray in the face of an accusation such as this, all he sees behind the façade is an icy cold and shrewd intelligence that is now entirely focused on him. He can practically feel those eyes dissecting him and rapidly reassessing the situation. It’s unnerving on the extreme.

Not that the real Thancred isn’t smart and sharp as a tack, he's definitely one of the smartest people Kaito knows, and he can be ruthless, certainly, but Thancred isn’t cold like this. If the minute shuffling and the taste of stale dark chocolate on his tongue is anything to go by, then Y'shtola has also noticed the discrepancy.

“Now, why would you think that?” ‘Thancred’ asks with a worried air about him and a shake of his head. “Did you perchance have some peculiar encounter on your travels? I wouldn’t put it past our robed foes to concoct something while you were on your own.”

The words confirm it. Like will-o'-wisps, they paint the air around 'Thancred' with colors… a fiery red crossed with bright orange and stabbed everywhere with a deep virulent purple. It is utterly unlike the warm pink, orange and soft yellow threaded with cool blue that Kaito has come to associate with Thancred, either a sunrise or a sunset, constant all the same. Everything about the stranger's colors is more, somehow, deeper and richer. Saturated to the point of provoking a headache.

As the wisps fade away, they leave behind a strong aftertaste of burnt sugar. Kaito clicks his tongue, as if that would serve to dislodge the sensation.

This… ability or whatever, it isn’t something Kaito has thought too deeply about, not when other matters had been so pressing at the time. He should have given the matter more consideration. At the very least he should have given his allies a heads up, because he probably is coming off as addled if not deranged to everyone minus the imposter who is probably laughing at him.

"Aye, but unlike Thancred I was never on my own, was I? I was surrounded by people all the time and then I hitched a ride with the aetherytes in between. Unless you're suggesting our foes can pluck people from the aether currents, then I don’t see how I could've had a tête-à-tête with them." He glares at the other man who has the gall to look disturbed. Everyone else is still on edge and Kaito knows, knows, they’ll run out of patience soon. He can only hope the intruder is as short-sighted as the other robed fool they met. "The difference is like day and night; you look nothing like Thancred."

Finally, for some reason, it is this what makes the stranger drop the charade. His alert but not-quite-tense posture changes and the bewildered air around him immediately morphs into one of utter menace. It's like seeing a housecat shed its skin and turn into a chimera while sitting on your lap.

The scions, who had remained guarded but made no move for or against the proceedings, immediately ready their weapons, the sounds exploding in a rainbow of colors that is strangely calming in their familiarity. It's Urianger, ever watchful and cautious Urianger, that gently tugs a shocked and vulnerable Minfilia closer to him, a topaz carbuncle bursting into existence in front of them both at his silent command.

Kaito's axe, always close at hand, is now drawn and pointed at the enemy wearing a friend's face.

“Well, well, well, color me impressed.” This time the wisps don’t just float around, they practically lash out, glowing so violently that for a moment Kaito is afraid they will gain tangibility and wreck everything. He gags as the taste of burnt sugar turns into sweet charcoal. “That one of you broken creatures could have such an unusual Echo in this pitiful age. Hydaelyn’s chosen, no less!” With liquid grace, not-Thancred stalks closer until his chest is touching Kaito’s axe, seemingly unconcerned about the threat. “Tell me, adventurer, do you really think you can stop me?”

Kaito grits his teeth against the sensory overload and the headache that pounds away inside his skull, a retort full of bravado already on his tongue. Before he can answer, however, a fireball whizzes past his ear, forcing not-Thancred to retreat.

“It’s not just him you have to contend with, fiend,” Papalimo warns, coffee cookies washing away the rage and death that choked him before. Aether gathers and swirls around the thaumaturge as he prepares another spell. A spell that never comes as Yda takes the opening her partner gave her and uses it to land an impressive combo full of punches and kicks that would have broken bones on any normal man.

Unfortunately, whoever this impostor is, normal he is not.

Disappearing and then reappearing closer to the door, he looks at each of the scions until his gaze zeroes once more on Kaito.

“So it seems,” he acknowledges with a bored air that is simply galling and has all of them bristling without meaning to. “Enjoy your futile resistance while you can then.”

“Wait!” Minfilia cries out from behind the protection the combatants provided. She’s pale and her knuckles are white from clutching the edge of her desk. “Is Thancred… What did you do to him?!”

Not-Thancred smirks. It’s an expression that has always been at home in Thancred’s face, fond and mischievous and always a bit flirty, but right now is full of malice. “Who knows.”

And then he is gone.

7 notes • Posted 2021-09-13 06:27:02 GMT

#3

Day 1: Foster

v.t. to care for and cherish.

Kaito pants as he circles his weakened prey, automatically cataloguing its injuries and weak points. He takes advantage of the lull in the action to recoup some strength. It won’t be long now, cunning as the beast is, it hasn’t shown much in the way of patience.

With a shout and one last push of strength he engages his foe one last time. Kujata rears back at his approach, intent on stomping him flat no doubt. He dodges nimbly out of the way and ducks under the follow up swipe of those sharp horns. Dangerous, those things. His lightly stabbed side bleeds some more in perverse agreement. His body is a traitor, he decides.

Kaito feels the displaced air ruffle his hair. Breathes. 

‘Whew, that was close, very close’. 

He steadies his stance and jumps, swinging his axe with all his strength into that opening. It’s the breaking point. The axehead lodges deeply into the beast’s neck and neither it nor him budge until the monster ceases its dying flailing. Once that’s done he straightens-  

Only to be tackled to the ground by a crying child repeating ‘thank you’ over and over again like it’s a mantra. He sighs and pats the boy on the back awkwardly. 

Kaito doesn’t understand, if he’s honest. But that’s life for him nowadays. An outsider looking in. Wondering if this boy sobbing his heart out in grief and relief in his arms was him at some point. Maybe, maybe not. There’s no familiarity and the answer, as always, doesn’t come. It’s frustrating, it’s familiar. Still, that doesn’t mean he has to be an asshole to a boy that recently lost his family to the very much unlamented beast he just felled. He can spare a minute or two to comfort him and snot is not the worst he has been covered with just this week anyway. 

Finally the boy calms down and allows his grandfather to pull him away, allowing a relieved Kaito to pull away from the rocky ground, doble ouch. He pops his back and hisses at the stabbing pain that flares with the action. He unconsciously curls inwards a bit. Azeyma’s tits, but that fucking hurts.

That’s what getting gored gets you, a mocking voice resonates inside his empty skull. Familiar in a way that means he should know it. He doesn’t remember if he does. Did. Whoever it belonged to is most likely dead so it’s whatever. 

Fuck you, he thinks back at the voice. Because if he’s gone insane at least he will own it and have fun with it. I’m not dead, am I? 

The voice doesn’t respond. Because why would insanity work on command really, Kaito thinks sourly as he downs his last potion. It’ll do while he wraps things up with Wyrnzoen here. 

But before leaving, he can’t help but look back at the boy one last time and he’s relieved when he finds him safe and sound in his grandfather’s embrace, the old man clutching his remaining family with a desperation that is painfully familiar. It’s a sight that soothes something in him that Kaito didn’t realize was bothering him. Whether the boy (Sighard, he finally recalls) grows into a hero as he proclaimed or a farmhand or a merchant or anything else, Kaito is glad to see that he won’t be alone. 

Kid will be alright. 

7 notes • Posted 2021-09-02 01:32:32 GMT

#2

Day 22: Fluster

This is pure silliness and Kaito being a troll just because he can and because the faces Ardbert makes are funny.

Set in HW

~.~.~

n. a state of agitation, excitement, or confusion.

"Well… this is awkward…" Kaito pronounced slowly, eyes travelling from dark clad figure to dark clad figure, until they reached their leader. There was a moment, a single moment, where someone could have predicted the future and stopped it. Then the moment passed and Kaito let his mouth go wild. "Although, I have to say, you sure are one handsome fella," and he winked.

What followed was a deep incredulous silence on both sides, broken only when Thancred snickered and then let out a deep incredulous laugh just this side of hysterical. On his other side, Y'shtola sighed like the long-suffering older sister figure she was, despite the smirk threatening to break through her mask.

Alphinaud, on the other hand, mirrored the enemy warrior reaction by choking on his incredulity and proceeded to bury his face in his hands, probably ashamed of being seen with him. Kaito had thought Alphi inured to his antics by now. Oh well, there would be time for that later.

"How can you even say that with a straight face?!" His darker and edgier reflection spluttered in flustered confusion.

Kaito shrugged, seemingly nonchalant but cackling internally.

"My therapist said self-love is a habit I should acquire," he deadpanned, ignoring Alphinaud mutters that Kaito wouldn't know a therapist if they lap danced on him. Rude.

Alberto, or however he was called, just made a noise that was worryingly similar to the noises Cid's most eclectic artifacts produced. Right before they exploded, of course.

"What the hells is wrong with you?!"

Kaito shrugged, fighting valiantly to keep a straight face.

"So many things," he said gravely, with a conspiring nod towards the warrior and got the pleasure of watching the guy throw his hands in the air and stalk away, dramatic momentum utterly ruined.

He allowed himself to smirk then.

Kaito-1, Albert-0.

8 notes • Posted 2021-09-23 11:49:27 GMT

#1

Prompt #1: Crystal

I'm going to make something quick, i said.

Then proceeded to spend half an hour inking the gold details, like a liar.

14 notes • Posted 2021-10-02 02:00:01 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[thancrxdwatxrs]

Could you maybe tag when you post about msq so I can filter it? I'm not finished with it yet and I don't want it to get spoiled for me but I also don't want to filter all of your ooc posts :(

//no worries, i can tag my msq posts going forward

most of the time i'll use the tag ';olive plays ffxiv' but i can also tag potential spoilers as ';shb spoilers'

don't hesitate to let me know if you need me to tag anything else :)