#posts this with no context. doesnt elaborate. leaves

[italiantea]

soft and neat

[satoruhour]

gggOoooOOOOD MORNING ‼️‼️ ive been eating up your masterlist esp your racer au UGHHHH that was the last thought in my head before sleep and the first when i woke racer!geto was just. so. fking. h o t. u dont understand like that has a G R I P on me rn UGHHHH I LOVE IT SM do u have any spare hc for geto in this racer!au? if u dont thats okay! just know i ate that fic up 🫶🏻🫶🏻🥺🥺

a/n: thank u anon 4 the support im glad u liked the racer!au hehe. the original au here, how did you meet and geto’s own elaboration post for context. tagging @na-t0 @crysugu @omgeto @slttygeto / 2.4k

warnings: (in second half of post) mentions + discussions of semi-public sex, filming, fingering while driving, oral (f and m receiving), protected and unprotected sex, f and m masturbation, phone / webcam sex, sharing with gojo & nanami

AAHHH i might have !!! racer!geto has a special place in my heart huhu i would love to develop more

to start off i would say that he’s just… such a good bf. like i know it’s obvious but also the next day after your late night drifting he texted you to ask if you wanted to go back to the cafe :D

he paid for everything again and he was so happy seeing u get another cinnamoroll trinket !!

so when the cafe has another sanrio event you BET hes bringing you there again. it just so happened that it was a berry and cherry event too ahhhh geto’s so cute getting all excited and stuff

he got you two matching coffees with berry and cherry foam art

that cafe has become a monument in your relationship — your first date, the place where geto officially asks you to be his partner with a big bouquet of flowers that you’re hiding ur face wherever you go for the rest of the day cause it’s huge 😭 he brings you there with his racer friends as well (gojo cheers and nanami scoffs that these things weren’t for him but he loved their pastries wheeee)

attentive, attentive! always leaves his jacket in the car for you if you get cold in his Mazda. resorts to a jacket he doesnt like to wear much but bc he always puts you first, he doesn’t mind :(

geto doesnt like to race with outerwear on him so he always loves seeing you greet him after a successful race with a big grin on your face, jacket swallowing ur physique as u keep urself protected against the tokyo chill !!!

said this before but he looooves seeing you in his car. it just ignites something in him, seeing you propped up on the leather seats and looking out the window when you’re driving. it just gets him sort of feral

ALSO also bc his Mazda was his first proper and real racing car he’s very selective of who he lets touch it / sit in it etc

so when gojo does it he swats him away like a fly and asks him not to dirty his finishing as also geto is the only one to be seen in his car until you come along and gojo sees you sitting on the hood

hes reaching forward to tell you to get off bc he knows suguru doesnt like it but your bf only walks up between your legs to greet you with a big smile. the betrayal gojo felt 💀

overall the relationship with geto is quiet and calming. no need for talking if you dont feel like !!! all racer geto needs is his hand on your thigh that’s always stroking the skin there and you

but loves it when you do talk! he tries so hard not to turn to you cause if he does he’d crash the car 😭😭 he just loves ur beauty and the way you ramble so much !!

one time he swerved and almost hit a car because he was watching you talk about the recent research you did on cars and also running back the terminology he’s been patiently teaching you

to hear his partner talk about cars >>> he’s so excited that you’re finally entering his world that he gets so engrossed and almost collides 😭

NO MORE pls omg he was more scared than you were

but also running off on that, geto is understanding when he teaches you about terminology about racing, abt the parts in a car. he took apart an old car in his garage just to teach you and he loved that you were trying your best to memorise everything 🥹

getting into an rs with geto also has given you more confidence, so he loves how you strut your stuff. he wasnt complicit in anything truly !!! didnt force you to wear anything or do anything you didnt want to, so he was very proud of you when you came out of your shell

geto would love you either way :3 hes just a sweet boy like that

i also relate him to han very closely from f&f… always eating his snacks in tokyo drift LMFAO - geto is chill, letting you feed him his snacks as you cuddle up on him on his hood and watch the new race

ok so, he LOVES racing and geeking out about them but he finds sometimes he watches you way more than the races and before then the race is already over 😭

“suguru! did you see how i crushed the other guy?” gojo emerges and shouts across the parking lot and geto is just like “huh? sorry i wasnt looking was too busy looking at my lover” LMAOOO

when you can’t attend his races you always make it a point to send a selfie with your cherry keychain and he sends one with his berry one back and its just soooo cute youre giving him so much wallpaper material!!

also likes to bring you on drives at night - if you need to rush something or study you bet he’ll be there. he’ll try not to interrupt you, looking at your knees tucked in your arms and memorising your notes

he plays those subliminal audios as a joke and annoys you in the process 💀 

and then just pecks your forehead in apology as he watches or helps you with assignments while occasionally looking out the window and smoking

geto always has a hand on you. it shows his possessive streak and just a general love for physical touch

like i said doesnt pressure u into anything but you’ve expressed interests in his tattoos before

you get a tramp stamp with him for your first one! the pain wasnt that bad, more from lying on your stomach for like 2.5h because of the shading lol. it’s a simple one, but a popular one because of the culture

geto offered to pay for you and you rejected, and he said “alright. half at least” and you didnt exactly oppose that because you were running low on jpn yen for your overseas exchange stay

the tattoo looked so good omfg geto was like . going INSANE it was lowkey funny

gojo and nanami wouldnt hear the end of it for like 3 weeks 😭😭😭

had the photo of you and your tramp stamp as his lockscreen for the longest time

as always tattoos are very addictive! you got a few more in the short span of 6 months (maybe 2-3 small ones) but what really made geto go like. clinically insane was this super big on on your thigh (peep the very first post of this au!!)

it’s a spider with chinese traditional ropes and it was by far your biggest one, taking a dent in your account that you had to lie and ask ur parents for more money after and promise to pay back by working part time

ok i need to preface this part first that geto adores your thighs - you didnt show much of it at first but when you start to be more comfortable with the racing scene he almost came in his pants when you first wore a miniskirt

so to see such beautiful ink on YOUR thighs oh my days felt like you were a goddess walking down the steps to his garage

has a little matching tattoo with you :( it’s not too obvious, but has features of berry and cherry on the both of you <3 down the line he would get other vague and subtle couple tats with you but if you want to mark up your body however you wanna he’d like that too :3

so i actually left the latest fic on a cliffhanger… bro was so heartbroken after you left :( couldnt race properly, couldnt focus in uni, poor boy

even gojo or nanami couldnt get thru to him, but over time he got used to the distance and timezones. moves his whole set-up to the garage just so he’d get better wifi there and also show the latest upgrades to his car !!! the webcam quality is pretty shitty on both ends though so you get disappointed more than once trying to talk to him bc the call isnt connecting well :/ 

continues to send those berry / cherry pics where you’re miles away, and more than once suguru has gone to bed crying :(( but i will keep these sad ones short bc i hate angst and also i might wanna write a next part uh… we’ll see

geto also mails things to you which take ages to ship and you only get the presents one month before you finish uni for good and 💀 it’s so funny seeing his shock at you having just received his gifts

a sweet, sweet bf who takes care of you immensely <3

n*sfw hc’s under divider

now >:) i also dont want to go into too much detail because. i might. MIGHT. continue. do not ask for the next part explicitly tho that shit annoys me. but geto loves to see your body on his car and the risks that come with it

you guys fuck more in his car compared to his or your room looool.

fingers you when he drives sometimes. when you’re feeling needy all you need to do is drag his fingers to your throbbing core and let him feel how wet you are. 

he tries so hard not to look at you bc you know what happened the last time, so he relies purely on his touch and your hands, fingers slipping inside your panties and he grabs onto the steering wheel with the hardest grip

geto has the patience of a monk, however, letting you use him for your high and grinding down on his fingers. it’s usually not after the race or errand that he properly fucks you bc he knows if he starts he will. not. stop. not even lying

has adrenaline high after racing and will fuck you always unless he’s roughed up, but unlike gojo he probably will drive to a more secluded area. the car is there, the risk is there, it gets geto all riled up

one time he was pissed his opponent scratched his Mazda while racing and while he still won, he pushed you into his leather seats to slam into you. he was going so hard the car was shaking, and he teasingly shows you the brief video gojo sends you later, caressing your very sore legs (you were fine with the recording)

“guess i went too hard, huh?”

you shove him and tell him jokingly, “tell your pervert friend to stop filming us!”

“you like it. me showing everyone who you belong to.” geto is so possessive i swear

loves fucking you in the mountains bro is freaky asf. brings you on late night drives and lays on the hood with you to watch the stars - sometimes it ends cleanly but most times you’re feeling up each other until you’re bent over his Mazda letting him fuck you raw

has fucked you while in the driver’s seat, riding him. has given u oral as u lay on the hood of his car, done a full nelson in his backseat whew you name it he’s so gross and filthy. 

when u contrast it properly with how loving and generous he is and to him when it comes to you and your body the difference is insane. but it also sometimes seeps through when he can’t handle your cute outfits and just has to land a smack and squeeze to your ass

ok this isnt n*sfw but it’s so hot of him - he HAS done this before. made you sit in gojo’s car as he drifted around you in a quiet tokyo crossing late one night and oh my god you made sure he knew how attractive you thought he was. gojo left right away when you two started flirting 💀

likes to both give and receive, so the first time you go down on him was possibly just right after he’s done the drifting around you and you couldn’t resist palming him from the passenger’s seat. you asked him to pull over immediately went to the driver’s side and started pulling at his pants.

you didnt even think that your knees were going to be on gravel so before you could kneel down to suck him off he took his jacket from the back seat to put on the ground …. and then proceeded to get the best blowjob of his life LMFAOOOO

getos a little crazy it’s ok i can take him ! but yea hes filthy thru and thru and dude he missed you sm when you left back to your country.

of course, of COURSE has jerked off at the thought of you, to photos you’d send of a new outfit. also has proposed having phone sex. webcam sex is reserved for special occasions because the sight of you playing with yourself is enough for him to book a flight 😭 he possibly couldnt handle it so he settles for your voice only

he doesnt like to share you, but when you do ask if youve ever thought of getting gojo and nanami in on the fun …. ooh. good luck

again his possessiveness shows so he doesn’t let them fuck you raw lol but rather ask them to get their own condoms 💀💀

his friends r freaks too you realise but it’s time to time where the three of them will organise dates to have some fun with you, but only when youre comfortable. geto putting ur comfort first always 🙏

so sometimes you reject them bc you have an exam comin up etc and geto just treats you in his car or your bedroom alone and even with just him, hes already enough to make you go crazy and moan <3

peep that op has that same exact spider tattoo on her thigh~ teehee

[wewerebornsextuplets]

recently i realized i havent given... any context, really, on kiru's family outside of her being yana's cousin, which is honestly a little shocking because i think about it a LOT and it provides a lot of context for why she presents herself the way she does, both in terms of physical appearance and in terms of actions/character as a whole. i also need to explain the nature of her relationship with yana, so this will be the tell-all on kiru's upbringing, as well as some elaboration on her general disposition! you know the drill! this one ended up being much longer than some of my other long winded posts, which is a little scary. but under the cut we go!

BEFORE I START i do want to disclaim: for the sake of canon compliance, assume anything i say about kiru's parents [particularly her mother] and grandparents' attitudes doesn't apply to yanagida's upbringing or family. as much as i love headcanons and speculating about background characters [theres a reason s1e9 is my favorite episode], i also want kiru's lore to be taken somewhat independently from those headcanons/interpretations if so desired :-)

In order to make things a little less confusing [mostly for myself, because im very scatterbrained], i have a little family tree graphic. thing. mostly to keep track of names + relations and all that! ill be referring to kiru's parents by name for that same reason. but uhhh tada 🎉

OKAY BUT FOR REAL. the actual timeline is like this: kiru's childhood was pretty normal to start. her mother [mayumi] was a bit strict, but it wasn't anything too crazy, though she did prefer spending time with her dad [kentaro] during this time. this was all upended around the time she was eight, though, when her family had to move into her grandparents' home after her dad fell ill. kentaro, a lifelong smoker, had developed lung cancer, and the costly nature of treatments for his condition meant that they could no longer afford to life in their old house. in addition, kentaro's condition meant that mayumi had to essentially take over as his caretaker at home during this time, leaving kiru's grandparents as the ones to raise her.

i imagine this side of her family had a decent amount of social power within the community [this may just be a thing in my town, but you know those families where it feels like theyre kind of everywhere, like the school staff, the local politicians, etc.? theyre like that], which led to her grandparents being quite strict, if not authoritarian to a degree, with a particular emphasis on what behaviors were considered "acceptable". as such, while kiru was greatly encouraged in her academic endeavors, there was near equal pressure on how she presented herself outside of her studies. while the physical aspect of "dress neatly and maintain good hygiene" was part of this presentation, it also included a HEAVY emphasis on her emotional regulation. It reached a point where she began to suppress nearly any strong emotions she had, because she felt that there was never a Right time to feel or express them.

^ it was kind of like this. not really any forceful or outright Mean enforcement of this ideal, but definitely a conditioning that was strong enough to impact kiru, especially at such a young age. past this i think they would be fairly normal as far as grandparents go, just not quite as nurturing.

even in the present day, kiru's calm demeanor is only really maintained because of her belief that sharing her feelings would disgust or embarrass the people around her. growing up, strong expression of any emotion was childish and unsightly, and she still conducts herself with this in mind; its not something she feels about others, but she doesnt extend the grace she gives others in this regard to herself.

BUT back to the timeline. after moving in with her grandparents, kiru got a bit closer to yanagida, who would often visit their home, since yknow. same city and all. during this time kiru was pretty lonely, since kentaro's illness meant she had to spend less time with him, and as a result her and yana spent much of that time together instead. yana particularly enjoyed kiru's knowledge of english, since kentaro primarily spoke bonin standard english in the home + taught kiru the language. in turn, kiru appreciated that yana didnt see her through the same lens of "respectable young girl" that everyone else in the family seemed to have picked up since moving, and they were able to meet each other on more of an equal level of just being friends.

this pattern continued up until kiru was 10, when kentaro passed away. aside from the obvious, this was a particularly stressful time for kiru and mayumi, since kentaro wanted to be buried in Chichijima + have his funeral procession held there. as a result, kiru spent about a month of that summer away from home, on the island with her father's side of the family. away from the eagle eye of her mother, she tried to make the most of the time, but found herself too distraught to enjoy any of it to the fullest. she was too ill-equipped to tell her relatives there how she was really feeling, so they mostly carried on with the impression that a young kiru was being "strong" in the face of kentaro's death and was taking it well, even though it was quite far from the truth. upon her return to mainland japan to start her new school year, most of her family carried on with the impression that all had returned to normal. that is, except for yanagida.

obviously, only being about thirteen at the time of kentaro's death and not really having a strong understanding of the expectations kiru was under at home [not to mention having the emotional intelligence typical of a boy his age-- that is to say, not much], he didn't really understand Why her behavior had changed so much since moving in with her grandparents, or why her demeanor had taken a near 180 in that time. but he didn't really need to understand the why to know that Something was wrong, even before kentaro had passed.

what he wasnt expecting, though, was her breaking down sobbing the second he asked her how she was doing after she got back from chichijima. since yana was Also a kid, and had never put on the same pressure that the rest of the family put on on her, kiru felt a bit safer talking to him with the confidence that he wouldnt berate her for feeling that way or be disappointed in her. he consoled her about as well as he could [or as well as any 13 year old boy could] and assured her she could come to him if she was ever feeling down, but instead she assured him she would be fine.

after this event, yana started worrying about her quite a bit, but he wasnt really sure how to go about Expressing this concern [either to her or anyone else], so he just kind of let it sit there. as time went on, and kiru started to return to a more cheery persona, he let go of that worry for the most part and they returned to their old routine fun for the time being.

yanagida wasnt the only person whose relationship with kiru changed after kentaro's death, though. mayumi, who was wholly unequipped to handle the intense grief that kentaro's passing brought her, was wracked with a mixture of guilt, anger, and resentment; she regretted having ever met and married him, now knowing the pain it would come to cause her, and she even began to regret kiru's birth. its a feeling she was deeply ashamed of. she loved her daughter, but every time she looked at kiru, every time she heard her name, mayumi was acutely aware of the fact that kentaro was no longer there to share these memories, that he wasn't going to be there to see her grow any further. ashamed as she was of this feeling, it never fully went away, even if she made efforts to ignore it. the gap left between them was never fully mended, and though kiru couldn't place it at the time she definitely got the sense that mayumi didn't really want her around. as a result, kiru began to spend a bit more time around her grandparents, whom she had grown closer to since they were the ones raising her for the past couple of years.

as junior high rolled around for kiru, and as yanagida was going into high school, the distance between them grew as well; yanagida was beginning to exercise more independence from his family and spend more time with friends, and kiru was doing the same. they still made time for one another, though, walking home together once in a while when yanagida wasn't in the mood for hanging out with his friends. most of the time, though, they just stuck to their new groups. it was a small period of respite and was actually pretty chill for kiru, all things considered

once it came time for kiru to start testing into different high schools, mayumi became a bit more involved with her daughter's life. more specifically, she became more involved in how kiru presents herself; if youre a daughter [or former daughter] youre probably familiar with the specific underhanded flavor of body shaming she experienced. kiru and yanagida also lost contact during this time, as yanagida was preparing to enter college and they were both too busy to keep up with one another too well. he was definitely a little concerned with all these changes regarding her appearance, though

now, to this point, i want to say that mayumi was NOT being intentionally malicious or even aware of her harm during this time. during her youth, mayumi was ridiculed and ostracized for a more unkempt appearance that came as a result of an intense focus on her academic endeavors and matters other than her looks. not wanting to see her daughter endure the same thing, she tried to encourage kiru to put more care into her appearance. even so, her tactless expression of this concern ended up hurting kiru more than anything else.

high school came and went, with kiru attending St. Hanagaoka's, a prestigious all-girls school in the city. nothing particularly bad happened during this time, but kiru regards this time in her life rather poorly, because she spent most of it trying to Appear a certain way, rather than living how she actually wanted to live. its during this time that kiru became more acutely aware of much of her desires and identity; as femininity began to feel more like a prison, she found herself looking at the boys her age a bit differently. she had a boyfriend or two during her time at school, sure, but she never really felt that it was any different from having a friend. slowly, she realized the feelings she thought were admiration, or crushes on boys, were really just a sense of longing; she longed to dress like them, to be able to cut her hair short like them, even to pursue love with girls the way that they did. though she was still quite confident that she was a woman, she knew she wasn't the kind of woman her family wanted her to be.

as such, when she finally got into college, kirumi cut contact with her mother and grandparents almost completely. her first year of college was a year of rebellion and experimentation; primarily with her appearance. at first she'd wondered if her discomfort for feminine clothing was the result of the KIND of femininity she was portraying, but quickly realized this wasnt the case. so the kirumi futch era was only about a semester long. after this, she started to present as more masculine, and this is around the time when she starts getting more concerned with fitness in terms of strength; she didn't manage to get built like yuko miyamoto just by standing around, after all! its during this time that kiru also began to make actual friends, though her problems with connecting to others emotionally made this a rather difficult endeavor when it came to maintaining those relationships.

during her second year of college, her grandparents both passed, roughly six months from one another, due to old age. while she had mixed feelings on the matter due to her strained relationship with them, she still attended both funerals. at the latter of the two, her and mayumi got into a bit of a fight because of a comment mayumi made about kiru "destroying" herself. this ended up pushing kiru, out of pure spite, to shave her head the second she got back on campus.

it ended up being a mistake.

not one without a silver lining, though! this drastic change in appearance ended up catching the eye of one of her acquaintances, who was a close friend of her roommate. you might know her as keiko :-)

during this time, keiko was just starting her transition, and was still getting a feel for the big city. the two initially bonded over a shared love of terrible movies [as one of kiru's biggest hobbies is watching shitty movies to laugh at them], and kiru gave keiko many of her old clothes + some tips for hair and makeup now that she no longer needed them. but over time, they became quite close. in particular, they bonded over the fact that they experienced pretty strong discomfort towards gender roles and expectations in their upbringing; while keiko's family was much more loving and supportive than kiru's, she still felt an intense obligation to be seen as ""man enough"", mainly to her peers, having been bullied quite intensely during her high school years for her transness.

i could probably write a whole separate post about kiru and keiko's relationship [not any time soon though. jesus.], but the long and short of it is that they became a couple during their third year together at college :-) this is also the year that kiru secured her job at the butcher's shop in akatsuka, having been a bit of a floater before then.

after graduating with her bachelor's, kiru began to attend a veterinary school in pursuit of a doctorate in the field. they lived separately, but visited one another's apartments about as frequently as could be managed.

one summer, when school was out and she was less busy, kiru began volunteering at a local animal shelter, wherein she met and fell in love with a little cat named kabosu. after adopting her that autumn, on one particularly busy night, kabosu broke out of the apartment, and... hey, i've told this part of the story before!

past that, uh... not really a lot to say! i have a whole storyline thought out about kiru and yanagida getting back into contact + how that intertwines with some other family drama on kiru's side of things, but thats an idea that i want to dedicate a different post to since i have. a LOOOOOT of thoughts on that whole arc. ill do that eventually but again, definitely not anytime soon. if i make another post like this too soon i think my brain will explode

BUT YEAH! if you managed to read this far, thank you!! i put a LOT of thought and consideration into kiru's background; i didnt want it to be like. senselessly edgy. since this IS a gag anime in the end. even still i am a sucker for complicated family dynamics so i tried my best to strike a good balance there

[n0bluev]

Somehow, im inspired to write that 'revision fic'. === (EDIT : u can skip but heres another snippet for u (3 separate bits that fit together nicely, actually haha) cuz hihi. THE AU: As i said, its a failed "3"rd regression context, where yjh is now in his "4"th round. The last memory he has of kdj is him dying, and to make things worse "In this round, that guy doesn't exist." is a thing, so yjh freaks out a bit but hes totally normal about this whole ordeal & the fact that he doesnt even remembers kdj's face now. Wdym! Hes fiiiiiine!

sorry lol back to the actual post : (,hope u enjoyed that little treat tho^^)) ===

!!THAT [Somehow, im inspired to write [...]] HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE!!. I always like. do an outline for the overall story and vibe, then flesh out the start or something and cook up a little 500 (probably unsatisfying) words for fun kind of as a bonus. Keep it mostly for my private enjoyment and move on before the story comes to life. And that's okay... Yes, it would be cooler to actually write the AU ideas i get in novel or comic form instead of having them stay at just the 'sketch' & 'idea/brainstorm' phase before i get another idea and leave them to dust up in the pile,,

But yeah, its okay.

In the few years since ive started getting ideas for more elaborate aus/fics, ive noticed that my ideas improved with time. (no shit, i know, but it makes me happy! i grew up!!! i can see it.) My planning methods are better too. So all of that unfinished or abandoned stuff is not at all useless work in my eyes. And who knows, maybe one day i'll bring them back.

--> as a plus, all my fandom brainrot experiences even get transferred into my OC stuff, and frl whenever i read my notes these days (or listen to my voice memos lol) and im just like "HOW DID I THINK OF THIS WOW" or "WHEN DID I PUT THIS LIKE THIS? IT WORKS!" (not to brag or anything but my oc lore goes hard ☝️)

BUT. NOW THIS IS UNEXPECTED.

I DID NO PLANNING. I just started writing for orv and its. Lowkey, good ???? Dont get me wrong i only have 1.5k right now and there are clear holes i have to fill and stuff but... CLEAR HOLES! CLEAR HOLES. Sure Im used to being like "something of the sort should go there..." BUT THIS TIME ITS "THIS SHOULD GO THERE, ILL WRITE IT LATER BUT THE IMAGE IS IN MY MIND, CLEAR AS WATER, AND ONCE I START PUTTING IT ON THE PAGE ISTG THOSE WORDS WILL STREAM OUT OF MY FINGERS AS IF IT WAS A NORMAL OCCURENCE FOR ME" ,,- !??? Yo!

Anyways. Point is that somehow theres interesting stuff going on in my gg doc and the more i write the more i know where i want to go, so that's cool, i feel all powerfull for once

idk if that ease is going to stay once im done with the first scenes (ughh!!! theres so much potential!!!!!!!!) but hopefully yes. either way ill probably post it so im not baiting yall with a "um actually im writing smt rn --- *never shares with the class*" --- either 1) things go well and i write a "real fic" (!? wtf that wasnt my plan!) --- or 2) i only post the finished version of what i have now (expect around 5k? (i have no idea actually)) and we wait together to see if i pick up the idea again haha. (i do wish to write it tho! im not a 'writer' writer but i want to be one, u get me?)

! thank u see u byebye

[flameofthescorpion]

Ramblings of someone way to hyperfixiated on Nevadas "Nowhere" (Headcanons - Apparatus designs applied)

EYESTRAIN WARNING LATER DOWN IN THE POST!

Sooooooooo welcome to me rambling about outside of Nevada because god we dont talk about the Machine alot and it greatly upsets me so imma do it.

Do keep in mind this is all headcanon and applies to my appartus designs, so it may not apply as well to canon

Now the Nowhere, or also called the "Curtain Of Nevada", is what happens if you leave the borders of Nevada, also called the World Borders

The world border is the main thing keeping the area secluded and together in the world of Nevada, meaning nothing exists outside the borders, HOWEVER, due to this area being quiet big for the Machine to host on one single server, it cut up Nevada into different sections where loading is required, now loading for Nevadeans is simply spacing out for a second and then good is, for the Machine however it is necessary to manage everything on an organized level. The 4 zones would be Nexus City, Somewhere, Nevada Central and due to the Demoniac cult activities both Stygian and the Machine are in unison to have cut the Haunting House into its own seperate loading area to keep the improbability levels at least somewhat contained so it doesnt overflow with the drive active.

If you looked at the image closely you would have noticed some points on the world borders where it says "Enter Zone", Enter Zones are exactly what their name entails. While the world is indeed stable, theres some part of the border where its easier to cross behind "the curtain" than it is on others.

Now what i will have to elaborate on is exactly what i mean in the context of "curtain" Its quiet simple really Nevadeans and mortals in general do NOT see reality as it is, they see a simple illusionary curtain to keep their sanity stable. HOWEVER, the employers are complex enough to see the world for what it really is as they were built by the machine to keep order and to protect its very system which is everywhere and nowhere at the same time

Reality in actuality consists of corners, chains and platforms, or in the most simple definition i can give it The Machines Skeleton.

However only the employers can IN NORMAL SITUATIONS SEE THIS. Is it possible for Nevadeans to Noclip behind the curtain and see what reality really consists of? Yes but its not nearly as clear as the employers can

They can still see of course but massively impaired due to the fact they werent SUPPOSED to see this all. And their vision is not the only negative effects theyll take from going behind the curtain, because there is indeed 2 different scenarios:

Scenario 1: The Employers acting as the Machines security system would most likely notice this new arrival, and Auditor, being the first to usually take care of this issue, would rip them to utter shreds as now this Nevadean would pose a threat to the system due to having directly interacted with it.

Scenario 2: They are lucky enough to notice this isnt good and noclip back before any of the employers get alerted of their arrival. Even in this case they arent truely off the Hook as they either A. go insane from what their mind has just witnessed B. If enough mental collection is present, turn into a disquieted.

Some beings such as The S-3lf Eater however will not be affected by this as it was deliberatly built to suck energy off the Machine, due to this the Employers cant detect it as a threat either, essentially, its a parasite. (that was what the comic yesterday was about BTW)

Reality overall is a topic that not many talk about because only few know of the Machine as a concept, mostly only Dr Gonne, who abused this knowledge, 2BDamned who also abused said knowledge however in favour of the Maker and the Cyberbandits who have a way stronger connection to the Machine as it is "the serverhost".

Is a connection of the Machine, aka the server, ever SEVERED with a Nevadean it would have devestating effects on the Nevadean. The second the connection to "The Server" is gone, the Nevadean will IMMIDIANTLY loose most of their recollection and personality as the machine is the one storing the data of such. In most cases one of the younger employers, either Conductor or Auditor help to re-connect this individual with the Machine....or well if not i think we all know what they would do.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk im so sorry if none of this made sense im very passionate about my favourrite Higher Power, love the metal crab-

[yugocar]

tag directory 

decided to do a little tag directory, for anyone whose ever been curious what my silly little long tags are for! i treat these like personal little archives, so i’m constantly cleaning them up 

art

‘on the question of art’ - art history, fine arts

‘on the topic of art’  - contemporary illustration / animation / digital art

‘till the devil whispered behind the leaves’ - texts about art, art theory, discussions about art (primarily visual art)

‘a story is true a story is untrue’ - discussions about narrative particularly in the context of various media

‘personal art vault’ - my favourite artist and works of art, usually means i’ve reflected on these works/artist in a more serious capacity

“we do not judge the object but what it tells us” - eastern european art. made by, made in or made about.

‘lgbtq art / balkan art / comics zines and artbooks / history of propaganda // gen art tag

specific / themed

‘who suffered death because she chose to turn’ - on nostalgia and memory. this is a topic i work with and research a lot

‘the stories we want to believe are the ones that survive’ - things that resonate with me personally, usually in the context of my artistic practice

‘parallel lines meet at infinity’ - web-weavings and things adjacent to web weavings

‘gastarbajter tag’ - a tag for my experiences with moving/living abroad. a mix of personal posts, transitioning from eastern european culture to western european culture and bits about nostalgia/immigration/exile/etc

‘yugocars impromptu art club’ - my ongoing attempts at having conversations about art (film/music/literature/etc) with followers/mutuals, cause its neat!

‘the robot cycle’ - robot things which are also a personal metaphor for me trying to live with autism which is also just some overall collection on what being human means ? hope that helps

“you will tell me stories of the sea and the ones you left behind” - everything about leaving

healing tag - a collection of art and words that focus on gentle thing and the fact that life goes on

personal nostalgia collection - what it says on the tin. this contains primarily things from ‘90/early 2000′s.

on the problem of flesh - reflection on the difficulty of having a body and what to do with it

the infant’s wail - the base desire and desperation to be seen and loved

the poison seeps through - all things regarding the strange reality of family

with these clumsy hands - collection of how humanity stumbles through life

how the world ends - what it says on the tin

metamorphosis of monstrosity -

on betrayal / on love / on friendship / on violence / on homecoming / on sisterhood / on grief /  on longing / on being understood / on the visual / roads left behind / swan song / on solitude / on gentleness / on salvation / on divinity / on haunting / past the final hour (on resiliance) / on tragedy /

general

‘soon nostalgia will be another name for europe’ - pretty much everything connected to europe, i dont tag most purely balkan things with it because i have a separate tag for that

‘balkan youth have always outlived evil times’ - tag for all things balkan. primarily ex-yu countries, but sometimes also other places

‘you must have soul crushing hope to be this afraid of missing it’ - a very long title for what is essentially a ‘me’ tag

‘the world’ - as it says on the tin, pictures from all over the world, from different cultures. it isnt a tag with critical texts, just a tag to appreciate the diversity of this world

samenleving en politiek - a broad tag that contains politics, social commentary, etc

‘reading logs’ - whatever i read and feel like sharing, usually small bits from the texts.

logs - me talking. blacklist if you wanna ignore the silly stuff i say

love visualized - all kind of moments of love and intimacy

‘ee tag’ - eastern europe tag. if it doesnt have an elaborate name yet, i’m still workshopping it!

lgbtq history / lgbtq tag / ee lgbtq tag (eastern europe)

on living / a bit of humanity / a bit of laughter / media corner / general gaming tag / arthuriana / superhero stories and such / future past of the internet / music corner

autism tag / mental health tag / dutch tag / mental health refs /

my own stuff

endless list of world war one artist / endless list of female artists

my edits / my art

[farolero-posting]

Short answer: It's a way to make it accessible to disabled people, or anyone who can't see the image itself. You should strive to always add them to the original post so the information is available for everyone.

Long answer under the cut, with a bit more context!

So, Image Descriptions (ID) for short, are a way to deliver visual info in a written way, so that people who rely on screen readers to read stuff aloud for them will know what's going on in the image.

So, people with various kinds of visual disability (like me!!) have tools on our devices that will read text aloud for us so we know what's in front of us.

Images by default don't get described. The screen reader and text to speech tool doesnt guess what text in an image is and can't identify shapes... so what people do is describe them.

Why? Because everyone deserves to have context for what shows up on their screen, because sometimes key information or the entire point of a joke is in a visual format, you're leaving people out of that experience.

It doesn't need to be an elaborate description either, but enough for people to get an idea of what it is. It is also advised to add the IDs in the Original version of the post so all the versions available are accessible, which makes things insanely easier for us who use them.

Sometimes people do it in "alt text" which is text that is attached to the image but not visible unless you use a screenreader or click a button, or they just put it on the body of the rest of the post.

Example, using my cat:

Using alt text:

and in plain text:

[Start ID: A grey cat sitting on a wooden floor with its mouth open as it yawns./End ID.]

I hope this helps and feel free to ask any questions on how to do it or, idk, other doubts.

if someone could answer me, what are image IDs for?? :0 as when you post an image and add a description of it in the caption, im curious

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead. 

[g0dtier]

Ok look even i realize i cant make a post like that before elaborating so as someone who has an art degree, was groomed themselves and was raised by someone who worked with teenagers who were groomed specifically for 20 years, heres my take on why tumblrs mentality towards fiction (&real degeneracy) is wrong and what you can do to help victims

Im gonna leave out the whole "fiction = reality" shit because at this point everyone knows it doesnt, they just cherry pick where to believe it does. This is not a black and white issue. Fiction may bring up something that was already there, but since none of us are shooting celebs because of books or molesting animals cause furry shit exists, its safe to say theres a line. 1000s of teen boys idealize that one dipshit from fight club. 99% grow out of it. The few that dont were already fucked up and wouldve ended up blowing some shit up either way. No, ao3 is not normalizing pedophilia and you are in no way helping victims. Youre kind of being a detriment.

Pedophiles may use fiction to groom kids, but they did that before fandom existed as well. There is no big difference between using fiction of 2 teens vs fiction of 2 adults to groom a kid cause a pedophile will either say "youre so much more mature than these fictional kids" or "youre so mature for your age you might as well be an adult, i think this fictional adult couple really represents us" and the minor will still take it as a compliment because that is the point of the action. The reason the abusers can take advantage of them is because they want that validation, for reasons listed below. The form that validation comes in doesnt matter.

Tumblrs mentality is purely focused on outrage. Its about hating the perpetrators and pretending people who arent perpetrators actually are, not about helping the victims.

People here have a wrong idea of what a relationship between a minor & pedophile looks like & how they function. People forget that while to us normal people the minors come across as victims in a horrifying situation (which they are), to the minors themselves it doesnt look anything like that. The problem with many of these relationships is not that the minors dont know what theyre doing or are doing it against their will, the problem most of the time is that they, in their minds, are active participants who choose to do this.

Pedos often actively look for kids in fragile situations. No self esteem, bad home life, severe depression. These are the reasons kids want the validation i listed before. Theyre vulnerable to it because they dont get any of it anywhere else and here theres an adult figure just giving it to them.

The point of a grooming is to give the kid validation and make the kid rely on them. To make the kid believe that the adult is the only one who understands them. Its to put the responsibility of the abusers mental wellbeing on the kids' shoulders in the kids' head. And 99% of the time kids already have a close relationship with the abuser when it gets to that point because of aforementioned validation. They create codependency.

So you know what angrily screeching "pedophile!" at any adult interacting on any level with a teenager does? It gives the abuser a reason to call themselves the victim and itll give the minor, whos likely already reluctant to be open about something an abuser does making them uncomfortable because many of them already have low self esteem and dont trust their own judgment and are scared of the consequences (for example: losing what to them is the only person that understands them) even less likely to talk about it. Because regardless of what tumblr thinks, most of these kids do not realize theyre being abused until much later. Theyre not waiting for someone to give them an out.

And no, no matter how hard you try, youre never gonna convince teens that the person theyre talking to is abusing them. Almost every single victim talks about how they hate abusers but how theirs isnt one, adults included. Theyre just misunderstood, or lonely, or really didnt mean it like that. Teens arent gonna listen to randos on the internet trying to convince them the 23yo who "relies on them for help and who is only in love with them, a 15yo, because theyre just really special and cool" is an abuser. Teens are gonna do stuff behind the back of others and lie about it because teens have a really bad case of "dont tell me what to do" syndrome.

What you CAN do to help teens:

- vote for more funding to health care, specifically mental health care. I know everyone rags on cps but cps does not take away children for no reason and will ALWAYS strife to work it out with the parents by offering personal help if possible

- strife to create a safe space for teens to talk about their experiences. Demonizing any adult interacting with children, no matter how creepy it may seem to you or me, makes the victims more reluctant to come forward. Theyre abuse victims. Adult abuse victims dont respond well to "girl youre being abused leave him!!" either. They respond a lot better to "wow dont you think he shouldnt treat you like that? Dont you think your feelings matter and hes being unfair to you?". You need to demonize the actions, not the context of the relationship because teens have already decided the context itself is fine and its usually not what they have a problem with and they wont till theyre older, no matter how hard you try to convince them.

- giving teens safe spaces to learn/talk about sex and what is or isnt right in a relationship. Most pedophiles are not stable. Theyre often codependent or manipulative or overbearing. Teach kids how to recognize these signs and that theyre not ok.

What doesnt help teens:

- taking down ao3 or yelling that some horndog on twitter drew an adult character looking too young. Taboo fiction is not linked to actual degeneracy and doesnt normalize any of it and is not a more succesful tool to help groom kids than anything else. Pretending it is will make minors less likely to seek help tho because the fear of backlash as stated above.

[lunarssong]

quick little summary/title: this started out as a rant but if you scroll down to the large bold, there’s a metaphor that should hopefully help explain why terfs are so god damn awful and dangerous

me? sending an ask off-anon to a terf because im both pissed and a fucking dumbass? its more likely than youd think

in fact! im not even gonna censor the word terf! if i dont feel like dealing with their bullshit replies and rbs then i literally just fucking wont!! yeah they might send in death threats but guess the fuck what?? im leaving my anon on fuckers, because honestly that shits gonna be funny to me! and if they try to doxx me (very unlikely, but i am trans and its not riskier to mention that because its already obvious, and ive never directly made a post about terfs before, so i really dont know whats gonna happen) or something then like! im a minor! we can sue those shitheads and hopefully bring more media awareness to how god damn shitty terfs are! literally dont even start, lmao.

have the damn ask because i wanna elaborate on it

“hi there! i wish you’d delete your tumblr, because you are dangerous. you are a violent misogynist, and make me ashamed to be a feminist.

you’re gonna attack me because i’m off anon, but you’d probably call me a coward if i was on it, lmao.

anyway! stop disguising your misogyny and transphobia with shitty ass ‘feminism’. i was raised by a feminist with a feminist mom who literally can’t believe y’all exist because your ideas are SO far from actual feminism.

just say you hate trans people and go.”

tbh? its so fucking wild to me how they literally spit out misogyny, transphobia, and lesbophobia but then get all pissy when someone calls them out on it,, but then have the nerve to accuse that person of being misogynistic and lesbophobic? like,, honey. honey, what? the fuck? how much of a dumbass are you?

because like. im a pretty big dumbass! like ive walked into a mirror before because i thought it was a door! im a dumbass!

but even i know that trans women literally cannot discriminate against cis women by saying that theyre (plural, but trans women can 100% use they and thats totally valid) women! because guess the FUCK what?? theyre fucking women! if yall shitheads (terfs) wanna call that misogyny then yall cant call yourselves women either!

if yall assholes wanna call a specific group of lesbians/wlw pointing out, “hey! we experience discrimination because of an entirely irrelevant physical feature we all happen to share that has literally no actual affect on whether or not we are women/wlw” lesbophobia or speaking over minorities then wow.

wow.

wow, are yall gonna be shocked when (if) you realize what the hell yall doing that qualifies as.

oppressors literally depicting and/or committing fucking hate crimes, sometimes even as serious as murder, rape, etc. (this is referring to terfs, i should never have to point that out) is NOT comparable to an oppressed as hell minority saying that people who literally want them dead should not be in safe spaces intended for people of a community they both happen to belong to.

to put this into perspective for yall out there literally worse than garbage (terfs)! imagine this scenario.

youre in a community of women. trans women may or may not be a part of this particular community, shut the fuck up, thats irrelevant. a group of straight women pop up, and start saying that being wlw is misogynistic and harmful to women. this is bullshit. you know that immediately. why wouldn’t it be? you explain to them the obvious reasons why it is not. they ignore you.

they begin to spew utter bullshit, claiming things like “women should never marry other women. you’re ignoring the fact that a man’s place is as a woman’s wife, and basically trying to be men, which is like admitting that men are superior.” or, “as straight women, you flaunting your homosexuality,” the woman gestures to a lesbian couple who aren’t even holding hands and haven’t been touching the whole time theyve been there. one has a small rainbow heart sticker on her purse. “makes me feel threatened in my femininity. (insert plural of 4 letter slur against lesbians that i dont feel comfortable typing a single letter of) arent really women, their existence is heterophobia and misogyny. they shouldn’t be allowed in female-only spaces because they normalize masculinity.”

over time, this group of straight women grows. they call themselves feminists, claim theyre fighting for the rights of all women! unless those women happen to love other women and dont perfectly fit their (cisnormative too but terfs are awful so they like that) heteronormative idea of a woman. they protest at the very idea of saying “significant others”, “partners”, or even “wives and/or husbands” because it doesnt fit their idea of being a woman. because they think having a wife and loving women is only for men.

eventually, they start getting braver and braver. they start going to feminist rallies, and if they spot gay women, or even women they think look gay, theyll get up in their faces, threaten them, call them slurs. theyll try to record them, try to get them fired from their jobs or outed to unsupportive families. or even just expose them to the potential of assault in their day-to-day life. because theyre gay. and that doesnt affect the straight women at all, but they hate diversity and are homophobes. so they need an excuse.

sometimes theyll get their other gay-exclusive feminist friends to record them committing violent acts against wlw feminists, just to take stills from those videos out of context when the gay women defend themselves, and then go crying to the media, twisting the roles of victim and aggressor to paint a violent picture of wlw. they say that feminist rallies should be an event only for real women or allies to their cause—meaning, to them, no wlw, and certainly no mlm. they probably even try to turn all homophobia towards gay men into a sexism issue (they are sometimes tied, but not mostly). but they lose their shit when anyone tries to tell them to get out of these safe spaces for women, because by attacking wlw for literally nothing beyond existing, they are ruining the safe part.

people start to become ashamed to call themselves feminists, and are often lumped in with these homophobes. even if they themselves are gay. straight feminists who love, support, and fight for wlw begin to feel guilty for being straight. new labels for feminist ideology begin popping up, the gay-exclusive feminists strike them down and turn them into jokes.

their end goal is to reverse victories like gay marriage, remove gay representation both in the media and in history books (sometimes even arguing that famous wlw were ‘just close friends’ with their wives or girlfriends), and to send wlw right back to hiding and marrying men for fear of their lives.

all in the name of thinly veiled homophobia feminism!

but wait, you cry, that sounds nothing like feminism! it actually sounds like misogyny and homophobia!

exactly!

think about who yall are the real-life equivalent of in that scenario.

need a hint because youre so brainwashed? try changing ‘gay/wlw’ to ‘trans’, ‘straight’ to ‘cis’, and ‘gay-exclusive’ to ‘terf’.

i doubt any of them will actually read through this, let alone realize their flawed perspective due to it, but hey. maybe ill sway some people who’re on the fence about how horrible terfs are.

[floralkittygambler]

Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening -  Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set.  I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways. 

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit. 

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others.  The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online. 

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog: 

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot.  But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others.  For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now.  Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care

[abyssalzones]

i am a less stable man than i was several minutes ago and you cannot stop me talking about funny cartoon brain problems under the cut 

trying to organize my thoughts on this is going to be hell because i have a lot of them. im gonna focus on ford having bpd for this post because otherwise itd go on forever if i elaborated on Everything Else (like his near-blatant ptsd & autism or susceptibility to psychosis) but i want to quickly touch on how i think mabel and ford have a lot of very similar Brain Stuff going on especially in regard to high expectations and “oh god i have to be a good/successful person i have to live up to what i claim to be otherwise i am the WORST EVER.” I don’t know if id say mabel has bpd because making that claim seems farfetched (TO ME) when a lot of her behavior can be explained by “autistic and 12-13 and dealing with unprocessed supernatural trauma” but it Is possible because i do see a lot of that same behavior . anyway my point begins

1. you can fit so much bpd in this man

using general online source because i cant be bothered to look deeper but all of this is kind of a dead ringer for The Entirety Of Ford’s Life until he chills out a little bit with older age aka learns Some coping mechanisms. not all of them work super well but thats besides the point

ford has a running theme throughout his life where he cares so much about specific people and keeps trying to keep them as a part of his life but also incidentally ends up pushing them away and lashing out at the people who really Do want to help him and only really realizes how hes been acting when its “too late” (or at least what he perceives as being too late)

in most of these situations what hes doing makes sense to Him because at both of these points ford is acting out of a deep sense of betrayal and is unable to control how he lashes out and while this isnt necessarily Inexcusable behavior based on context (in one hes a teenager who has been living in an abusive household his whole life and has been pitted against his brother by their parents to receive attention, in the other hes being actively manipulated by bill into thinking fiddleford is Too Sensitive to make the hard decisions, not like Him) its not healthy for himself or the people around him 

bpd makes relationships hell because you cannot trust other people Or yourself. trust is a massive theme in gravity falls (duh. duh.) and learning How to trust the people who truly do care about you and letting them in is vital to the show 

going down the list i could also attribute his canon behavior to most of these common symptoms

in journal 3 and in the show ford is Frequently distressed by the idea of people finding out the “horrible things hes done/allowed to happen” when in reality almost all of those things were because of benign behavior or manipulation

he firmly believes that sharing how he feels, even when hes in genuine distress or danger, causes people to either hurt him or leave him

ford is so rigidly ashamed of Everything about himself its almost like its a staple of his personality and yet hes frequently regarded as a peppy, confident character. a lot of the times in the show i think this has to do with him purposefully avoiding exposing certain feelings or emotional vulnerability (or even experiencing them in the first place) but in the journal you get a Very clear idea of how this guy regards himself most of the time

and yet when hes noticeably upset or lashing out he has this sort of rapid flip from “oh god im a horrible person im dangerous and people are better off staying away from me” to this idea that he just has to keep Pushing himself for greatness and other people just dont understand because theyre not dedicated enough/strong enough. he has to amount to everything hes been working for but still doesnt believe that hes good enough As Is. 

I think you could probably attribute this to “well theyre twins” since ford isnt really a violent person but he has some comorbidity with the ptsd hypervigilance shit going on in general. its kind of an ongoing joke that ford has several weapons on him at all times but that level of preparation serves as a level of protection for a man who has had to get himself out of a Lot of situations by fighting for his life (even when you probably couldve benefitted by talking things through)

i wouldnt say “sabotaging success” applies here because IF IM NOT SUCCESSFUL I WILL DIE is kind of a running theme in ford’s life but this guy has jumped to self-sacrifice so much its literally like he is throwing himself at death 

its like you pull a string on his back and he says GO! SAVE YOURSELF!

im running out of energy to make the rest of this post but this one especially plays into how susceptible ford is to psychosis/bill’s specific form of manipulation and its Not “he just lacks common sense” its a strikingly real detachment from reality that leaves you vulnerable to abuse and self-destructive behavior

bill isnt Smarter than ford but hes an incredibly effective manipulator because hes literally fueling ford’s pre-existing rocky mental health like pouring gasoline on a fire. he spends most of journal 3 hearing bill planting doubts in his mind about the only other person hes close to- someone who actually does have his best interest in mind- and when fiddleford quits after experiencing something traumatic, this acts as confirmation bias for what hes been artificially made to suspect all along. why would anyone just be your friend without a catch? why would anyone remain loyal instead of taking advantage of you? not like Me, though, i Really get you. 

several times ford even considers telling fiddleford the truth but changes his mind because he fears being rejected or considered Crazy by someone he really cares about. this becomes its own cycle of distrust and resentment for something that has literally never come to pass

aside from that, ford canonicly hallucinates. frequently. you could also chalk this up to bill being in his mind but ehhh i think it speaks to ford’s existing susceptibility to bouts of psychosis/paranoia and bill yet again is just making it Worse

+i cant find it right now but he says something in the blacklight edition akin to “Theory: the things I see in the corner of my eye are actually entities from another dimension” aka I Am Totally Sane Please Believe Me I Am A Scientist 

i need to close this off but yeah i think disregarding the very real Brain Bullshit ford is experiencing over the course of the show does a disservice to his character and that his arc is less about “stupid hubris man gets knocked down a peg” and more “this guy who has been suffering for a long, long time unchecked needs to be in a stable environment with people who love him to learn how to trust others and healthily manage what hes experiencing”. at least thats how i interpret it because i think its a lot more meaningful that way 

end statement

were i a less stable man i would make a full post talking about how ford pines has bpd and nobody would be able to stop me

[lia-nikiforov]

Weekly Anime Rambling Re: Creat...ive Conceit

Another week of getting everything mixed up because my viewing schedules are a disaster hahaha! is it very obvious i’m running out of puns

The season’s drawing to a close, and it looks like every show is rushing at full-gear to wrap up all their loose ends or end on a good place before the season break. Which means a lot of shows are doing shitfests and I have A LOT OF WORDS

I haven’t talked much about Fate/Apocrypha in this feature but I must shamefully admit I’m enjoying it way more than I expected. I’ll talk more about that in my final season rundown, so for the time being I’ll just say Astolfo is my waifu and if you use the T slur to refer to them I’ll gut you alive. 

One show clearly struggling to meet its planned middle-point is Altair, with the past two episodes breezing through plot points like a speedcourse on acquiring new party members for Mahmut. The production itself is also clearly suffering, finding an in-model shot of any given character woud be a challenge. I did like the latest episode because we’re finally getting to see more political nuances beyond “Evil empire wants to conquer the world”. I also really liked how they brought the Prenses into the fold by emphasizing her importance in the political moves they’ll carry out next, and that she was the one to come up with them was specially great

Giving female characters agency? What, Like it’s easy?

I’m not even gonna talk about episode 10 of Ballroom because it was so boring I hardly remember anything about it except thinking “is there ever gonna be any dancing” (the answer was no). But I am going to talk about episode 11 because god was it frustrating.

Firstly, this was the episode that featured the most and probably best dancing animation of the entire show. Unsurprisingly, even then it’s overshadowed by the abuse of stills and audience shots. Whatever little magic and good-will they manage to create with, for example, a neat shot of Tatara and Mako hopping is almost instantly voided by a full minute of still frames. Let 👏 me 👏 see 👏 the 👏 fucking 👏 dance 👏 gdi 👏

Of course it wouldn’t be Welcome to the Ballroom without at least a very fine layer of casual sexism and neglecting the female characters entirely, this time awfully noticeable in the second half where all the focus is on Tatara and Gaju having a load of fun with their dick measuring contest! Wait, what do you mean ballroom dancing is a pair sport?

If you ask this show, Ballroom dancing is a sport about men being cool while dragging around women who have no fucking idea of what the fuck is even going on. Add to that all the harping on how “it’s the lead that makes or breaks a pair” “if the leader is bad the pair will look bad” because I guess the follower doesn’t ever matter.Or how only the boys are dead tired after the event, because I gues the girls weren’t dancing at all, what a relaxing job it must be to be a female in competitive ballroom dancing, you don’t have to put in any effort at all!

Also the music choices are atrocious which is finally explained by the Production team revealing they thought the audience would not like “old” music -because I guess the audience is too stupid or smth- so instead they went for completely inappropriate pop-rock themes instead! Maybe don’t underestimate your audience if you want them to buy your produc! (source)

But okay, after god knows how many episodes, the Tenpei cup finally ends, Gaju and Shizuku win but Mako wins Queen of the Dancefloor! At least some recognition fo Mako’s dancing skills, that even in spite of Tatara’s sloppy dancing she managed to outshine Shizuku through her own talents! Wait, hold on, what’s that?

FUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUU SHOOOOOOW

Adding insult to injury, Gaju doesn’t even apologize to Mako for treating her like crap. In spite of his scummy attitude, Gaju seems to be a good sport, so I thought at least he’d “officially” ask Mako to become his partner again, but no such luck, it’s her who approaches him first. Fuck you again, show.

I also have a lot of thoughts about the garbage treatment of Shizuku, but I’ve talked about the show enough in this week, so that’s another post.

Oh yeah, Vatican is... the expected mess I guess lol. I have literally no idea of what is going on anymore but...

I want some of that cocaine too bruh (i’m kidding, don’t do cocaine my friends)

Also, Made in Abyss is great but can we please drop all the pee jokes.

I’ve technically already watched the final episode of Re:Creators, but I want to address the penultimate episod which is the actual resolution of the conflict because it’s not only a convoluted mess (and if I went into that in detail I’d write thousands of words), it’s ultimately a betrayal of the show’s opening promise.

To elaborate, Sota’s first dialogue is something along the lines of “I’m not the protagonist of this story. This story is about her”. At first I thought it meant Selesia too bad she died meaninglessly and without really doing anything for the story like 99.99% of the creations :’D, but we later learn he’s talking about Setsuna, for whose death he feels guilty yadda yadda Potato McBoring manpain.

But then the show decided to make Altair so ridiculously and unbelievably overpowered that the only way to defeat her is the very predictable “create Setsuna” and this is where the show betrays itself

Because even if the resolution is that Setsuna and Altair go off into this some other world to live as abstract creations happily ever after, the actual emotional climax of the episode is after they disappear:

This is a massive slap in the face to everything the show was trying to do and to Setsuna’s character. Basically she’s stripped of her agency and becomes a figment of Sota’s creation. Sota who abandoned her when she was going through the hardest of times, now gets to be -even if briefly- her creator, her god, and he takes the credit for being the amazing creator that save the world. He even says it out loud in a culminating moment of disgusting conceit.

The whole purpose of the story, of the show, as it turns out to be, is to satisfy Sota’s ego. Setsuna is literally fridged for the sake of Sota’s manpain. This was never a good show, but until now it just felt like a lot of poorly executed great ideas. This, though, is basically giving up on any pretention of being “different” of stepping away from “Blandy McBoring protag saves the world because no one else but him can do it, he is so special”, and it’s made even worse because of the context of Setsuna’s death and the meaning of being a creator. Ugh, I’m coming short of words so I’ll just leave it at this was already a mediocre show and somehow they managed to go all the way and make it terrible.

And now another show that is sadly crapping the bed for its last hurrah, and one I’m very sad to be dissing like this. Yup, I’m talking about Virgin Soul

It’s like 10 episodes late and all the reward we get for waiting so long to hear Charioce’s motivation boils down and awfully rote and predictable to “Bahamut killed my mommy so now I kill Bahamut”. Next we know Charioce’s mom was also named Martha I guess. The explanation is also delivered in the most transparently expositional dialogue possible and seems like a very last-minute attempt by the writers to paint Charioce in a sympathetic light because they realized too late they hadn’t given him anything for the audience to like him beyond his romance with Nina. Somehow their explanation doesn’t even address the genocide against the gods or the enslavement of the demon race, and it seems every insinuation of Gabriel being shady has been forgotten too. Okay...

It’s sad because this feels like a hugely missed opportunity. The first half of the series painted the possibility of a tri-racial conflict in which all sides were to blame, but instead it seems like it was all a fabricated conflict to pad the way so they could have a three-way confrontation bombastic finale, but with none of the nuances and grey morals it initially promised. The characters are still great, but I’m very sad that the story has been reduced to an uninteresting, predictable cliché that doesnt even quite work with all the previously established ideas.

Oh well, the season’s almost over. Next week should be my last Rambling of the season before my Final Review and I also somehow gotta find time to post about my most anticipated shows for the fall. Fun!

[mavwrekmarketing]

A few weeks ago, Dries Buytaert, founder of the popular open-source CMS Drupal, asked Larry Garfield, a prominent Drupal contributor and long-time member of the Drupal community, to leave the Drupal project. Why did he do this? He refuses to say. A huge furor has erupted in response not least because the reason clearly has much to do with Garfields unconventional sex life.

More specifically, Garfield is into BDSM. Even more specifically, hes a member of the Gor community, an outr subculture of an outr subculture, one built around a series of thirty-odd books by John Norman which are, basically, John Carter of Mars meets Fifty Shades of Grey. Essentiallyas I understand ita community who are interested in, and/or participate in, elaborate (consensual!) sexual subjugation fantasies, in which men are inherently superior to women. I know all this because of Garfields lengthy public response to his ouster, self-deprecatingly titled TMI about me:

Yes, I am one of those people Despite the total lack of evidence that alternative lifestyle cultures offer any harm to anyone, there is still a great deal of prejudice and bigotry regarding it someone, I do not know who, stumbled across my profile on a private, registration-required website for alternative-lifestyle people that information made it to the Community Working Group (CWG), who concluded there was no code of conduct violation present for [them] to take any action on in my first contact with Dries, he asked me to step down from Drupal Drupal has been the cornerstone of my career for the past nearly 12 years Dries wouldnt budge on me leaving, including making it clear that it wasnt an option, but an instruction informing me that Id been summarily dismissed from my position as track chair and as a speaker at DrupalCon, per [my] conversation with Dries here I am, being bullied, harassed, and excluded because of my personal activities, which I dont even publicize much less advocate for in tech circles.

Buytaert (who is also co-founder and CTO of Acquia, a Drupal platform which has raised ~$175 million over the years and has been struggling to IPO for a few years now) retorts:

when a highly-visible community members private views become public, controversial, and disruptive for the project, I must consider the impact all people are created equally. [sic] I cannot in good faith support someone who actively promotes a philosophy that is contrary to this any association with Larrys belief system is inconsistent with our projects goals I recused myself from the Drupal Associations decision [to dismiss Garfield from his conference role] Many have rightfully stated that I havent made a clear case for the decision I did not make the decision based on the information or beliefs conveyed in Larrys blog post.

Sigh. This sad mess is something of a perfect storm of Code of Conduct conflicts. It is one which raises a number of interesting questions. It also raises several quite boring ones, so lets get them out of the way:

Does this matter? (Isnt this just prurient clickbait?)

Is it OK for an open-source community to ban/ostracize a member for being involved in BDSM, or other forms of unconventional but consensual adult sexual behavior?

More generally, is it OK for an open-source community to ban/ostracize a member purely because their belief system perhaps better described as a complicated fantasy milieu in which they happen to spend their personal time was doxxed?

These questions are boring not because they are unimportant, but because the answers are so obvious: yes (no), hell no, and hell no.

Ill unpack the first: open-source communities/projects are crucially important to many peoples careers and professional lives cf the cornerstone of my career so who they allow and deny membership to, and how their codes of conduct are constructed and followed, is highly consequential.

I really, really hope I dont have to unpack the two hell nos. But in case I do, let me quote this excellent blog post from Nadia Eghbal:

In the past, Dries mightve kicked Larry out because BDSM is a threat to family values. Today, leaders like Dries kick Larry out because BDSM is a threat to gender equality. Unfortunately, the end result is the same Beliefs are not actions. We cannot persecute people for what they believe, no matter how much it disgusts us, and simultaneously maintain a free and open democracy If diversity is our dogma, call me spiritual, not religious. I still pray for the same things as you, but I wont be at the witch trials.

Which is brilliantly put and I hope settles the previous questions. However. The Garfield Situation also raises two questions which are far more complex and interesting:

Under what circumstances, and via what kind of due process, is it OK for communities to publicly condemn people for secret reasons?

Is it OK to ban/ostracize community members for (legal) behavior which occurs entirely outside the community?

Obviously sometimes organizational decisions have to be made based on information that must remain confidential, for legal or ethical reasons. But if youre making such a decision, you really have to do so in the right way. What is the right way?

Probably something close to the opposite of what Buytaert and the Drupal Association did. Even if their decision was correct, which currently seems at best suspect, their complete lack of process transparency, and Buytaerts vaguely worded hinting-without-really-saying-anything statement, makes it very hard to have any faith in it.

Their accusations are so vague nonexistent non-accusations, really that Dries & co. could surely have told the community substantially more (indeed, anything) about Garfields problematic behavior, if any, without revealing sensitive information. For instance, they could have said theyd received reports of threats, harassment, or coercion by Garfield, if any such reports existed. They have said nothing of the sort.

(For what its worth, a well-informed source of mine reports: Its worth noting that a handful of women who worked with Larry did not report harassment or abuse from him in the workplace. We cant know for sure if he committed offenses, but if there were allegations or even rumors of his mistreatment of women we would be having a very different conversation right now.)

They could also have cited which elements of the Drupal Code of Conduct he violated, if any. They have not done so but theyve expelled him anyhow. Isnt that Code of Conduct, and its associated Conflict Resolution Policy, supposed to be what dictates the rules of behavior and interaction in the community? Doesnt overruling that written code with arbitrary decisions made for secret reasons reveal that in practice it is an irrelevance with no actual weight or importance?

I reached out to Buytaert in the hope of clarification; he did not respond.

Its hard not to get the impression, from the little that we do know, and the manner in which it has been miscommunicated, that whats actually deemed unacceptable here is that Garfields kink has spilled outside of his personal life i.e. that his real sin is that he was doxxed. Which, as noted, is firmly in hell no territory.

It is of course entirely possible that this impression is incorrect, and that Buytaert and the Drupal Association have done the right thing. But they have offered no evidence, no arguments, and no reasons for their decision. It seems obvious to me that they have a moral obligation to their community to do so. You cant ban people without at least sketching the outline of what it is they did wrong. Just trust us is not enough

especially since it also seems possible that the CTO and co-founder of a heavily funded pre-IPO company has participated in expelling a man from what his been his professional community for the last twelve years, ignoring that communitys own Code of Conduct and Conflict Resolution Policy, because it was decided he was guilty of, essentially, thoughtcrime; that no real accusations have been made, and no allegations of problematic behavior have been cited, because none such exist.

A third plausible scenario, based on the tea leaves of Buytaerts phrase actively promotes, is that Garfield has been banned for expressing views outside the Drupal community which are deemed unacceptable inside. This is not a new issue in the open-source world: I wrote about it last year, in the context of Curtis Yarvin and Opalgate:

Should communities accept people who hold repugnant views, as long as they dont express them within that community? Or should they be expelled, because its assumed that their views influence their community work in a negative way, or because their presence makes other people feel unsafe?

Personally, both answers make me feel deeply uneasy. Humans are messy, complex, and contradictory; human interactions are that squared; the results are so complex and context-sensitive that they often need to be judged on a case-by-case basis, rather than by any hard-and-fast rule.

although in those cases, the views in question were clearly expressed publicly, not privately, and were not intended as part of any BDSM fantasy world. Does that apply here? Who knows? Certainly not the Drupal community.

Its impossible to judge the Garfield situation, because all we are permitted to know is that it has been prejudged for us, by people who refuse to tell us anything about either their evidence or their decision process. It is, however, very easy to judge whether the people who have made and communicated this decision are, by the way they have done so, actually serving their community. And that answer is, once again, Im sorry to say: hell no.

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