#posts this and goes back to my cave not to be seen for weeks

[crepegosette]

man in bun (and polish man)

[frudoo]

Random König Headcanons

Hey y'all! This is my first post on here so I hope it's alright <3

These are all pretty SFW (for now >:)), so I don't think there's really any content warnings??? Idk let me know if I'm wrong.

Likes going to Build-a-Bear. Will definitely make your bear and his bear kiss.

This man can COOK. Oh, you want takeout? Nah. He's already pulling out the ingredients for your favorite dish. Buys the two of you matching aprons.

Talks to animals like they're babies. I also feel like the man just... attracts wild animals like birds and squirrels. Undercover Disney princess??? Perhaps.

Speaking of babies... the man is so good with kids. Laughs all giddily when toddlers climb him like a tree. Wants you to have his babies so bad

Actually has a decent singing voice. Get him drunk enough and he's doing karaoke like a pro. Oh, and if you agree to sing a duet with him??? He's GONE. Goes all out.

Likes to hold pinkies when walking around in public. He likes holding hands, too, but when he's feeling a little more anxious he'll intertwine your pinkies. PDA isn't his strong suit but he HAS to be touching you at all times, and it's like a pinky promise that he'll always be there with you :,)

Draws patterns/words on your back with his fingertips when y'all are laying in bed. Mainly a bunch of pet names, "I love you"s, and hearts. And cartoon penises

This big burly BEAST of a man loves being the little spoon, no matter how impractical it is. Honestly loves any cuddling position though.

Pouts when you're not giving him enough attention. His lips get SO puffy when he's jealous. Talking to one of his friends? He's grumbling German insults to them under his breath. Eventually he'll just scoot closer to you on the couch and rest his legs on top of your lap. BAM, now he's got your attention, even if it's just you telling him that he's crushing you. Big ol' lap dog.

Likes to do your hair!! He'll take pictures of what he's done and show them to you like a hairdresser :,) It could be the worst hairstyle you've ever seen but you're wearing it PROUDLY.

On the rare occasion that you two go out to a restaurant, he REFUSES to tell the waiter if his meal is wrong. Oh, it's shrimp and he's allergic to shellfish? He's telling the waiter he loves it and will just stare at the untouched plate sadly. Also will not let you trade plates with him because what if the waiter sees??? Tries to sink under the table when you finally cave and tell the waiter that the order is wrong. Glares at you the entire time he eats his new correct meal but is secretly so thankful. <3

Is absolute trash at video games. One of the best combat soldiers on the planet, but put a controller in his hands??? He's lucky if he gets three shots in.

Bought an engagement ring two weeks after you two started dating. I mean, he literally fell in love with you immediately upon seeing you for the first time, so are you really surprised??

Is a really good gift wrapper. His hands always start cramping around the holidays because he does most of the wrapping. His love language is 100% physical touch/gift giving btw.

Adding onto the singing thing... I just think he would be a really good musician, specifically a drummer.

NOSE NUZZLES. Like the Brendan Fraser type of kiss where you just rub noses after. He just gives off those romantic vibes <3

Unconventional kisses. Eyelids, the tip of your ear, everywhere you have moles, your calves, ankles... the man is obsessed with you, and he's kissing you wherever he can reach.

ADORES taking baths with you. Candles, rose petals, bath bombs: he does it all. Washes your hair for you. Lots of forehead and temple kisses.

I am unwell. I need him so bad.

Please feel free to reblog if you'd like!! I hope y'all enjoyed my little (very self-indulgent) rambles. :)))

[queersouthasian]

These words in the tag on one of @the-wayside 's post has been hurting me since friday, I have come back to that post so many times and everytime the second tag hits me right in the feels like a direct stab in my heart. Something about the visual imagery of Babe carrying those gloves with Charlie's name engraved on like an open reminder that he existed and that he has changed babe's entire life in such a small amount of time, something about Charlie once during the initial stages of their relationship saying he would be there until Babe gets bored of him paralleling to Way saying he would bring some new "boy" once he is done with Charlie to Babe carrying these gloves of this boy he loves beyond love's defination goes, beyond anything he could have imagined, not even entertaining the thought that anyone would forget Charlie. Charlie's presence is so symbolically visible in his life, even the thought of getting "bored" is a sin, his touch, his words, his smile and especially him as a person hangs around him like a essence and he refuses to let that essence blend in, that essence needs to stand out, he would always come back to that essence, carry that essence to the end.

I have seen people say "Charlie is goona come back so why cry?" , 'cause he almost did infact died in this process, it's true that he would be alive but he would be physically still very week and this accident could have totally killed him if even a little thing went wrong, BUT more importantly it's the idea that a person who could have just choosen to stay out of all this, start his own life, ignore anything happening to Babe, decided to step in to save. SAVE A HUMAN. In a world where people hate for no reason, he decided to love for no reason. He loved so much he completely changed that person. Actually, "change" is the wrong word, it's his love that made a person so wounded by love want to love again, so destroyed by trust want to trust again and everytime he thought even this time his attempt to love has been ruined, that boy steeped in, he made sure that the world may cave in but he would never ever hurt him, but would do any thing, commit any sin to protect him and that wounded boy is left flabbergasted, left speechless 'cause for the first time he is so happy to be wrong, so glad to be lied to 'cause that was to keep him alive, and for the first time he is not wounded. That boy starts to heal and heals the person who has started to heal him. He shows the healer a purpose to heal himself as well. All the times Charlie got hurt or was scared or panicked or doubted himself, Babe was there, he was there to help him, help him heal, he would gently heal his wounds, take care of them, made sure that man knew he would do anything for him. This relationship heals me. 'cause doesn't matter what happens they always find a way to each other, how they fight, how they feel anger towards each other, but at the end still realise, still love, it doesn't take much time to reconcile 'cause that anger can't ever outweigh that love. It's so unconditional it's beautiful. It's the way they are so human and so in love. Nothing about that love is "something that would happen in fiction", obviously no problem with that, but when a relationship this beautiful and human feels so grounded, it gives a sense of relief, especially as a queer person, it makes me so relieved. They also heal my inner child. As someone who has a broken family, they make me want to form a family of my own. They are like my parents. Like I don't simp for them, I long for them and cry with them. Never felt like this since NuengdiaoPalm, gorgeous. This show really said, "we will give you omegaverse and the most gut wrenchingly beautiful love story ever" and owned it.

[littlewigglers]

hi!!! you dont have to answer this but a few months ago (august) i got a Giant Gold Millipede (Orthroporus ornatus) and I'd love to know what you do to have a vivarium like I've seen in your posts!

Also, is she going to be alright if I get another millipede, or springtails, or put isopods inside? I haven't honestly seen much information, and I'd love to be pointed towards some sources or get advice directly! Thank you :)

Here's Sisyphus and her tank! There's a vinegar trap in the corner to catch fruit flies (if theres a solution for that let me know, but i know the decaying material and the moisture is going to attract them), a tray where I usually put her food, and a toilet paper roll for her to curl up in. She's dug a handful of tunnels as well. There's a heating pad to keep it Somewhat Warm on the left side, especially since she's right by the back door and against an outside wall.

I usually feed her twice to four times a week, or when I notice she's lost interest in her current food. I try to water her every day, but sometimes I do a more heavy spray if I miss one.

Hey there first off love Sisyphus, give her a kiss for me on her little head.

To answer your questions I'm gonna bullet point them to keep myself right.

Springtails are a tanks best friend, completely harmless to your pets and they help keep any mold down, highly recommend getting a culture of them. I personally just keep them in my tanks but a friend of mine has a separate tank he keeps a a back up culture of them in encase the tank ones die out.

I'm mixed on keeping isopods in with Millipedes. They're always in my tanks because I just can't get them out and they don't seem to do any harm but after a few months they always end up over running my tanks and I have to clear them out. They're also know to eat eggs so they're a real pain if you're trying to breed your millipedes. If you really want some I'd recommend a slower breeding species of them. Those seem to be the little armadillo ones, the ones that can curl up all cute.

I could get your millipede another little millipede friend, they do seem to be more active when I've had more than one together, even if it's just the same species which is always the safest bet. If you do want to get another but different species make sure they have the same needs in terms of space, soil, temp, humidity and food.

As for the flies and tank

I use fly trap stickers, the ones you'd put on your window in my tank. It might sound dangerous for the Millipedes but you can either put it on the top of the tank or cut it up into smaller part. Also with my bigger species they literally treat the stickers like a buffet and have no problems walking over the surface of them with their feet. It goes without saying but no NOT get any chemical traps for them.

I'd say the key thing you're missing from your tank is hids and places to climb, you've lots of nice pieces of wood scattered about but nothing lifted up to make a little 'cave' as well as something to climb over. Cork bark is the go to most people use, I also have some pretreated drift wood I got from an aquarium store in mine as well. Careful though! if you give them things to climb make sure the tank is escape proof.

Just something I noticed myself, make sure to check under the moss now and again to make sure the soil itself is staying a nice leave of damp but not too wet. I've had mine get dry when the moss looked wet before.

If you've the funds I'd suggest getting a little timer plug for the heatmat to 1. make sure the tank doesn't get over heated 2. to save some electricity.

I personally don't mist every single day as an overly humid tank isn't always great for a millipede depending on the species. They can end up with leg rot if there the tanks kept too wet.

Other advice I can give

Remove food from the tank after a few days for sure. It stops mold from happening and also helps stop any smell building up

Try not to let the food sit in water, I see you have a little dish for it and it will easily collect water and just makes the food kinda mold faster and stink.

The paper tube you have is also just another thing than can get mold on it, you'd be better off removing it I think.

If you add wood to the tank to use as hides made sure to check on it now and again for mold.

You're probably getting the theme of this now but NO MOLD!! Make sure to check the tank for mold now and again, it's not good for your little guys.

As for like links and resources I buy all my stuff from local reptiles stores so I can't really help much there with links of sites, I also don't DIY any of my stuff from like the ground either so I can't give tips on that either. Only thing I can really help with is I have an exo terra tank, I got it second hand and you'd be really surprised what you can get second hand either on local buy and sell groups, facebook market place or even just being cheeky and asking reptile stores if they have any old tanks that aren't fit to sell on shelves anymore. I got mine as a reptile store heavily discounted because someone had got something stuck on the doors and they jam a little now and have a mark on the front.

I THINK that's everything I can think of, hope it helps.

[ladytauria]

7 12 and 18 for the ask game 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖mwah

i answered 7 & 12 here <3

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

i do keep them! pretty much any fic or chapter i post has at least 1k worth of outtakes dfghjk

picking from my most recently posted... i have a fun section from my jaycass fic, the language of touch, that ended up being cut because i decided to jump in closer to the action xD

He's a band pulled tight, ready to snap…

…or to break.

Cass's hands itch to help him.

Her eyes follow the path they would travel; starting at the back of his head, his neck, then sweeping over his shoulders, his arms, the curve of his chest, the swell of his belly. Then, down to his feet, up behind his knees, ending at last on his groin. His release would be beautiful, she thinks. All of that tension coming undone at once, leaving him dazed and limp, utterly relaxed…

All because of her.

A thrill runs down her spine. Something warm uncurls in her belly, the faintest trickle of want.

It's been a few weeks since she last felt it; the desire to touch and be touched. She's gone longer before. She'll go longer again. But now that the feeling has made itself known, she wants to indulge in it.

It would be invasive to follow Jason home, wouldn't it? Jason isn't like Tim or Steph. Neither of them mind when Cass shows up at odd hours or shadows their steps. Like Dick, Cass thinks Jason would find it unsettling. off-putting. He might be liable to shoot.

Perhaps with a bit of a delay, she could knock on his window, or show up at his door… hm.

Her attention is caught briefly by Batman. He pushes off his cowl and becomes Bruce again, signaling the end of the debriefing. The others all push away from the table gladly. Unlike Bruce, they discarded their vigilante personas as soon as they entered the Cave; leaving them outside, on the streets of Gotham. But there had still been some remnant of work left on them; a tension in the way they hold themselves.

It leaves them now, making space for fatigue. Cass sees it weigh them down, and knows it will not be long before they all head their separate ways.

Cass expects Jason to head straight for his bike.

He doesn't.

Instead, he stays. Tim and Steph leave, neither lingering long before speeding off to their respective homes. Normally Cass would ride with Steph, but tonight she waves her off. Jason is watching Bruce, who settles at the Batcomputer. Cass studies both of them for a long moment. Bruce is not the most at ease that she has ever seen him, but he is as relaxed as he gets in the Cave. His shoulders have a tell-tale slump to them; one that says he should be in bed. But Cass does not have to see his face to know that his jaw is set stubbornly, determined to pick away at whatever thoughts are clouding his mind.

Jason is—wary. Poised to run if he senses even the slightest hint of displeasure. Not that he would admit that that is what he's doing. Cass does not know if Bruce knows Jason is still here. Perhaps he is willfully ignoring him, to give him the freedom to choose whether he stays or goes. Or, perhaps, he too had expected Jason to leave, and allowed that expectation to clog his senses.

Regardless. When Bruce does not voice any protests, Jason heads over to the equipment lockers.

Some months ago, he had installed a gun safe among them—glaring at Bruce defiantly the whole time, as if daring him to say something. Bruce had not. Cass thinks this is the first time it has seen any use.

It would seem he's staying.

Cass is… curious. She cannot count on her fingers how many times he has stayed at the manor—even voluntarily—but it still isn't something he makes a habit of.

Damian exits the showers. He glances at Jason briefly, but says nothing at his presence. Instead, he heads for the elevator. "Goodnight, Father," he says, before pausing and adding—almost hesitantly— "Goodnight, Todd, Cain."

Bruce acknowledges him with a hum. There's warmth to it, but Damian's shoulders fall anyway, and Cass frowns.

"Sweet dreams, brat," Jason says—but despite the words, the slight mocking in his tone, Cass sees the way his face gentles for a moment. She also sees the way Damian perks up slightly, even as he scowls.

"Tt." He flicks his fingers in Jason's direction, and then the elevator doors close.

[daughterofthequeen]

Contribution

Pairings: Ezra Bridger x gn!reader

Requested by: @theriseofshin

A/N: I added a little more to the story I hope that's ok. And omg look at the gif I found, Eman is so Ezra coded. THE SHOULDER BOUNCE WHEN THEY SMILE. Ok so this based on season 3 episode 11 of Rebels and also somewhere in between S3 E11 and S3 E13. The idea just popped up in my head, we'll see how it goes. Reader is force sensitive. This is also unedited btw.

Summary: When you, Sabine, and Kanan followed Maul and Ezra to Dathomir, the witches somehow took away your powers. Which should've been impossible, but ever since that incident you've felt like you brought nothing to the team. You felt like you were in the way. Seeing this Ezra quickly took these thoughts from your mind reminding you of who you are.

Translation: kokipa- fear

You were laying on your bed enjoying having the room to yourself for once. I mean don't get me wrong, you and Sabine get along really well as roommates as well as sisters can be anyway, but lately in your spare time you'd ather be alone. After what happened on Dathomir, you rather not be around anyone.

EDIT: I accidentally deleted this when I was trying to make a correction. You guys don’t know how stressed I was.

And HUGE shout to @nubimera for reblogging this story because not only were you the first reblog of this fic but you are the reason I was able to get pictures of my fic so I wouldn’t have to rewrite it. THANK YOU SO MUCH YOURE SO AMAZING🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰and a big thanks to everyone who like my fic in the short amount of time of me posting before I accidentally deleted it🤦‍♀️🫣🤦‍♀️

Few weeks ago on Dathomir

After Ezra threw you out of the cave the spirit left your body, giving you back control of your limbs.

"Why is it every time we work with Maul, weird force stuff happens and I'm always hurt trying to save you?" You said with a small smile while trying to rub away your migraine.

"Wait you're hurt? Where?" Ezra responded reaching towards you looking for any injuries.

“I'm hurt mentally, these experiences take a toll on a person you know." You smirked and Ezra rolled his eyes at your teasing.

"I thought you were injured."

"I do have a heck of a headache if that makes you feel any better." You said as you stood up.

"No, you stay here. I'm going to go get Sabine and Kanan."

"Then I want to help."

"They'll just posses you again."

"And what about you?"

"I have a plan."

"Great, then I can help with that. I'll take Sabine and you can take Kanan." You said walking back into the cave.

Ezra sighed at your stubbornness and followed you in.

"You know you're pretty stubborn." Ezra says.

"I've been told that before."

Sensing something behind you, you quickly ignited your light saber and blocked the one aimed at you. You called out and told Ezra to go help Kanan before focusing back on your best friend.

"Sabine if you can hear me, I'm sorry." You said as you broke the hold of the lightsabers and kicked Sabine in her stomach sending her backwards. Seeing her getting up you pressed on slowly but surely backing Sabine towards the entrance of the cave before a force knocked you over. You opened your eyes to see the spirit that came after you the first time. You quickly dodged it and turned back around towards Sabine and when you did you felt a pair of fingers on your forehead and you hear one word before blacking out.

"Kokipa."

The Next Day

The next thing you knew you were waking up in your bed with Ezra sitting next to you, and it didn't take long to realize the damage that had been done. Once you had woken up completely everything felt quiet. You couldn't feel anything around you. You went to Kanan to ask him about it and he said it could just be fatigue, but you didn't believe it. You have been way more exhausted before and it never affected your powers. It wasn't until a few days later during a mission briefing when you realized your powers were gone. Hera was explaining the mission when you seen one of the cute hermit crab things that were all around chopper base. It was sitting next to your hand on the edge of the holo-table. Smiling softly you reached out to it with the force, well you tried anyway. It was something you would do all the time, but this time you couldn't feel its emotions or its presence. Trying not to panic you looked around trying to connect with any living thing you had seen, but felt nothing. Now it was time to panic. You looked towards Ezra and Kanan. Ezra must've felt your worry and unease because he looked up directly at you seeing your panicked eyes. A few seconds of the two of you staring at each other, he gave you a confused look. That's when you realized he was trying to talk to you through the force link only the two of you shared.

When the two of you met you both instantly created a bond that grew stronger every day. About a month into your friendship you both realized you could use the force to connect your minds and talk to each other telepathically. Kanan explained that it was because of the bond you two share and that it was a rare occurrence and could be dangerous if the two of you weren't careful with your emotions. Over time you both mastered the skill, only this time you couldn't hear Ezra thoughts at all or even feel him through the force. That's when you started to panic. You didn't even hear Hera when she asked if you were ok, or notice Kanan quickly moving to your side while Ezra made his way to the other. All you could hear was your body trying to catch its breath. You couldn't breath, and you could barely hear Ezra trying to walk you through slowing your breathing, but you couldn't. Every thing sounded like it was under water.

Kanan and Ezra walked you to the common room of the Ghost as the others followed, watching worriedly as Ezra was slowly able to calm you down.

"So, you gonna tell us what's going on?" Kanan said.

"Somethings wrong with me." You replied.

"What do you mean?"

"I think I've lost my powers."

Everyone was silent at first, a Jedi losing their connection to the force was so rare it was basically unheard of during the times of old. The only way for a force user to lose their powers was if they stopped using it completely.

"(Y/n), that's not possible."

"Then tell me what it is Kanan! It's not exhaustion, it's something else! It's like everything has gone quiet, if I wasn't looking at all of you right now, I wouldn't even know you were here! Tell me what to do Kanan.”

"I-I haven't seen anything like this before (Y/n). I'm not sure there is anything we can do. Let me think on it, we'll figure it out I promise." You could hear the sadness in Kanan's voice which only worries you more. You said nothing else as you stood up went to your room. You were anxious, angry, sad, and scared.

"What would my contribution to the team be now?" You asked yourself before the sound of the door opening caught your attention. It was Ezra.

"Hey." He said softly.

"Hey."

"How you doin'?" Ezra asked as he sat next to you on your bunk.

"How do you think I'm doing?" The pause that followed was uncomfortable and the guilt you felt caused you to sigh.

"I'm sorry, Ezra. I'm just- I don't know why I’m going to do.”

"Don't worry, we'll figure this out, (N/ n)."

"It's not just that."

"Then what is it?"

"How am I supposed to help the team?"

"What?"

"Without the force, I'm useless to the team."

"That's not true! You are more than just your powers (N/n)."

"Am I? I'm not skilled in mechanics like Sabine, I'm not as good a shot as Zeb, and I definitely don't even come close to flying as good a Hera. You and Kanan, even you guys come up with really good plans when needed. I can't do any of that stuff. I knew how to fight, but now that my powers are gone how am I supposed to do that well." You said looking away from Ezra.

"Woah, woah, woah, let me stop you right there. You are a vital part of this team, this family. And just because you think you don't contribute anything other than your lightsaber doesn't make it true. I can't tell you how many messes you've gotten us out of with your quick thinking, how many problems your creative mind help fix for everybody on this ship, constantly. And you're a fierce warrior with and without your saber."

"Ezra." You sighed.

"You are needed here, and I won't let you think otherwise. And I will repeat myself everyday until you believe it, if I have to." Ezra finished as he softly cups your cheek and turn your head back towards him to look you in the eyes.

"Thanks, Ezra. But-"

"No buts." He said leaning forward pressing a soft kiss on your cheek, then another on your lips. "Now, let's forgive this out. Start from the beginning." And you did. You told him about everything that happened yesterday, and retracing your steps helped you realize the reason your powers are gone. You were still anxious and afraid, but with Ezra there you knew everything was going to turn out fine.

————————————————————

A/N: Finally finished I hope this isn't to cringe or anything. And hopefully this fulfilled your request. Thank you so much for sending in your request, and giving me a chance to bring your idea to life. I will now be heading to bed. Good night, guys.

Edit: But I did discover something from this mistake if you have a iPad and an iPhone you can copy something from said iPad and all you have to do is click ast on your iPhone and it’ll paste whatever it was from your iPad to your phone. I’m late Ik BUT it was such a life saver because I promise if I had to rewrite this whole fic out again without a reference (not that I didn’t enjoy writing it the first time) this fic was going to be my 13th reason. Hope you guys enjoy, toodles👋.

[fefe658]

Snakes and mice don't do well together [1]

Here it is! My first fic!

I'm finally writing my first piece of g/t literature, apart from my usual short posts/prompts. I hope you like it :]

'Cold, cold, cold. I must find shelter before it starts raining.'

Toby ventured trough the undergrowth of the forest, the dry leaves crunching under his feet. The frigid winter weather came sooner than he had expected, leaving him struggling to find shelter before he froze to death.

'Cold, cold, cold. Why couldn't winter wait another week?'

He shivered, the piercing winds being barely held back by his thin, ragged clothing. His tail wrapped around his leg to preserve as much body heat as possible, holding on so tightly that it almost cut off his circulation. He shoved aside the blades of grass that reached up to his chest, being an outside borrower certainly didn't make surviving the winter any easier.

He looked around, searching for anything sturdy enough to shield him from the elements. A tree stump, a hole in the ground, a-

A cave.

He stopped dead in his tracks, looking at the small entrance in the stone cliff in front of him. The cave seemed dark, but it was deep enough to protect him from the rain.

'God I hope there's nothing already in here. dealing with hypothermia is already enough.'

His numb feet slowly strode towards the entrance, a shiver running down his spine. If he was gonna stay here for a while, he had to find fresh water and a source of food. He could hear the faint sound of running water, so there should be a water source nearb-

His entire body goes still. He could've sworn he saw movement in his peripheral vision. He slowly turns his head towards the source, and his breathing goes silent.

A wall of scales, a tail as large as the biggest tree he's ever seen curled around itself.

'Stupid, stupid, stupid! Of course this cave wasn't empty! Why would anything pass up on a free place to sleep?'

The tail twitched, and the all the color drained from his face.

'I gotta get out of here, and quickly. I'm not gonna be snake food tonight. Better to risk dying in the cold than be eaten by some giant animal'

As he hurried himself towards the cave's entrance, he could hear the creature move.

'Shit Shit SHIT'-

The entrance was too far away, he knew he wouldn't make it in time. Instead, he opted for hiding behind a rock until the creature would go back to sleep or go away. Hopefully.

He couldn't see much from his hiding spot, so he tried to focus on the sounds as much as he could.

As expected, the creature didn't just fall back to sleep, instead deciding to around the cave, clearly looking for something. 'Great, just my luck.'

What he did NOT expect, was for a human-like voice to scare the shit out of him.

"Where are you?"

-------------------------------------------------

And there we go! My first fic, or at least, the first part of it. Will our teeny tiny friend be ok? Only time will tell!

This is the first literary piece I've ever written, so any feedback is more than welcome.

I hope you enjoyed and I also hope to get part 2 out before Christmas!

[ashxketchum]

MIMATO WEEK 2023 (Random Update)

Note: I haven't been able to write on time as much as I wanted to, maybe by tomorrow I will post my Day 5,6,7 entries but until then I wanted to share something, so here is a prompt I got a year ago that was just sitting in my drafts for no reason! Enjoy 💙💚

Prompt: "Your heart is beating too fast to be close to someone you don't care about."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~ Listen to my Heartbeat ~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Digital World throwing them off track without a warning was something that didn’t make Mimi bat an eyelid anymore, and she was pretty much used to the ground beneath them slipping away in a flash, taking away with it any progress the group had made so far. So of course, she was unamused with the current situation, which was her being stuck in a cave with what looked like a light drizzle falling outside. The funny thing was, that while she couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen rain in the Digital World, what she could remember was that she had never been stuck alone with the blond standing tall at the entrance of the cave.

Yamato had his back to her, as he peered outside, and though Mimi couldn’t see his face from where she was sitting, she knew it was probably scrunched up in a frown as he inspected the raindrops that settled on his hand. She half turned to pass a comment to Palmon and was bitterly reminded once again, that the only occupants of the cave were her and Yamato, and that the whereabouts of their partner Digimon and the rest of their friends were currently unknown to them. She definitely felt anxious, sitting there without Palmon to keep her company or spring into action to protect her if required, and wondered if Yamato too felt a similar unease, though would he answer honestly if she were to raise this question out loud?

Her eyes wandered over to Yamato again, and she was a little taken aback, maybe even slightly jealous of how much the scene suited him. With his pale, yellow hair shining in contrast to the dim, rocky walls of the cave and his lean figure just rightly fitting in the narrow crevice, nonchalantly bathing in the faint rays of light that escaped through the cloudy sky and surrounded him, he looked nothing less than a muse artists would stroke carefully onto their canvases or poets would write sonnets about. She held back a sigh, it was as if the colour blue, or rather the emotion blue, was meant to be embodied by him, and to Mimi that was a feat worthy of being envious over.

“What should we do?” She decided to speak up, as sitting around and admiring Yamato’s perfect features was something that she could do from anywhere, getting out of here and reuniting with Palmon took priority for now.

Yamato turned, and as expected, with a frown on his face he fixed his eyes on her, and she noticed a hint of surprise reflected in them, as if he had not expected her to follow his lead.

Which was something Mimi couldn’t deny either, she was more of a ‘my way or high way’ kind of girl, but when it came to things related to the Digital World, all of them had adjusted to a pattern that was hard to shake off. If something goes wrong, look to Taichi, and if Taichi is not around, turn to Yamato. It was simple and easy to remember, and pretty much the mantra that had managed to keep them all in one piece during their many escapades, even though lately they hadn’t had much of a success with it since both Taichi and Yamato were butting heads so frequently. Mimi was liking this new side of Yamato however, it was different from what she remembered of him from their childhood, and his recent tenacity was something she could relate to and even found herself drawn towards.

“I don’t think we should move about carelessly.”

She raised her eyebrows, well that was unexpected, and even a little bit disappointing. She could’ve expected that kind of statement from Jou or Koushiro, but given the recent circumstances, Mimi assumed that the blond would be ready to go all out at any given moment. She stood up, dusting off the dirt from her skirt, she wasn’t going to sit around and wait to be found.

“Suit yourself, I’m going to go look for Palmon and the others.”

Mimi moved to make her way out of the cave, but Yamato raised his arm, blocking the entrance as he shot her a glare, “I’m worried about Gabumon and Takeru too, but you saw what happened, do you really think it’s a good idea to go out there without our Digimon partners?”

He was referring to the attack that had broken the group from their brief moment of slumber and had unexpectedly split them up. A shiver ran down Mimi’s arms as she remembered the daunting size of the Digimon that had attacked them out of nowhere, and internally she couldn’t help but agree with what her senior was saying. It was not a good idea to move around carelessly, but it was an idea and that’s what she needed right now instead of sitting still and waiting for someone to come calling.

“I’m not saying you’re wrong,” Mimi began, raising her eyes to meet his frowning gaze, “but maybe that’s what the others are thinking too, so how will we find each other if no one makes a move? We didn’t come to the Digital World to sit around and wait for help to find us, at least I know I didn’t.”

She knew she had hit a nerve and she did feel a bit guilty about it, ever since the whole thing with Meicoomon had begun the one who had been advocating for action the most had been Yamato, so for her to suddenly chide him about sitting tight was a low blow on her account. But she couldn’t help it, Mimi could feel the restlessness racing through her veins for every minute they spent together inside the cave. She had never spent so much time alone with him at such close proximity and the new feelings that were being stirred up in her heart when she looked at him, broad shoulders firm with determination as he refused to lower his arm and allow her to pass through, were completely unfamiliar to her.

“So you would gladly leave me behind?”

His voice was just a tone above a whisper but it was almost as if it rang through the cave like a loud, blaring alarm. It takes two to tango, is what his captivatingly blue eyes were saying as they fiercely peered into her own, if Mimi wasn’t afraid to cut corners then neither was he, which made it all the more difficult for her to look away and actually respond to his question. Not that coming up with an answer to his question would be easy, the way he was staring at her made it seem like he could look directly into her soul and would be able to sniff out any lies.

But Mimi had managed to dye her hair pink without her parents finding out until she walked out of her room with her hair bouncing about like a cart of cotton candy had exploded on it. She could handle one blond tundra.

“Gladly,” Mimi said, her voice slightly quivering, but still managed to resound firmly around them. She took a step forward, hoping that the threat of proximity would make Yamato lower his arm and give her the space to make her exit, but instead, he just tightened his grip on the rocky wall, muscles taut around his arms as he continued to stare her down, challenging her to come even closer.

She swallowed a gulp, he was the last person she expected to raise the stakes in a situation like this, what she had expected was that he’d get embarrassed and she’d take that opportunity to take the upper hand and make her escape. However, in the moment it was Mimi who felt embarrassed as she realised that if she raised her fingers just a little bit, she might be able to trace the shape of the tense muscles that clung to the white fabric of the shirt, and as crazy as it sounded to her, that’s all she could think about as they stood close facing each other down with such a fiery determination for perhaps the first time since they had met on the bus to summer camp all those years ago.

Why Yamato had decided to meet her challenge was still something she was unsure of, under normal circumstances he might’ve silently glared daggers at her and focused his attention elsewhere, that’s how he usually fought with people who weren’t Taichi, but then again Mimi and he had rarely ever disagreed on anything before, so there was no way for her to know how he would push back in an argument against her. She wished somewhere deep down, that if this was how things were going to go down, then she had been better off not knowing at all.

Mimi squeezed her eyes shut and tried to get the image of the blond looming over her in all his handsomeness out of her mind, what was important right now was winning this game so she could put some distance between the two of them and never have to deal with all these feelings stirring up inside her ever again. All she needed were a couple of words that would do the trick, they didn’t even need to sting per se but just surprise him enough for her to get a shot at creating an opening in the barrier that he had put up, metaphorically and physically both.

“I’m not intimidated by you.” She began, raising her voice by a pitch that made him wince as he looked over at her with humorous doubt, “In fact, I’m rarely intimidated by people I don’t care much about. And you’re one of them.” Mimi folded her arms across her chest and met his eyes with equal vigour, letting him know through her posture that she too was firm in her decisions and he wouldn’t be able to change her mind with a few lousy tactics. Lying wasn’t something she was particularly good at but the tension in the air gave her the strength to step out of her comfort zone and make a bold statement that would surely hit all the right notes and make Yamato angry enough to lose his cool.

But lately, he had been full of surprises and Mimi should've known better.

Just for a moment, she saw anger flash across Yamato's eyes before he covered it up with an expression she did not recognize. The corner of his mouth curved into a ruthless smirk as without a warning he lowered his head to level with her face, the tip of their noses now only centimetres apart. His warm breath brushed past her chin, which considering the chilliness surrounding them would have been a welcome feeling if Mimi’s whole body hadn’t frozen at the sudden lack of distance between the two of them. She wanted to lift her hands and push them against his toned chest so he would be forced to take a few steps back, she wanted to turn on her heels and stalk back into the inner depths of the cave so the cold air could help douse the fiery excitement that was now rushing through her veins.

But her hands and her feet refused to listen to her demands and stayed put, she felt a hot, burning sensation take over her cheeks as Yamato’s gaze dropped to her lips for just a brief moment, before his eyes met hers again, shining with an emotion she couldn’t find the right words to describe with. Mimi could feel her heart thumping rapidly against her chest, its hammering drowned out the faint pitter-patter of the rain outside in her ears, and she meekly prayed that the loud sound couldn’t reach Yamato because the air of confidence she had put on would crumble the minute he knew how nervous being this close to him made her feel.

Her prayers went unheard of course as the smirk on Yamato’s widened with amusement.

“Are you sure about that, princess? Because your heart is beating too fast to be close to someone you don’t care about.”

A soft whimper escaped her lips, and Mimi was ashamed of her reaction but her voice seemed to have gotten lost somewhere deep inside her throat. It was almost unbelievable that she was losing a battle of stubbornness against Yamato of all people, so all Mimi could do was blame the change in her attitude on the stupidly cold cave that made her long for the warmth of excitement that came with being the absolute centre of Yamato’s attention. She also blamed the Digimon that appeared out of nowhere and separated their little group in such an odd manner. Because she was sure that if a few more of their friends and their Digimon partners were around, this disagreement of theirs would have ended with both of them huffing and puffing and turning away from each other, not with their faces hovering so close that a single a push or a trip of her feet could send her lips crashing onto his-

“Yamato san, Yamato san, can you hear me?”

The two teens immediately pulled back at the sound of their friend’s voice. Mimi took a few steps back into the cave, her hands pressed to her cheek as she tried to hide the redness across her face. While Yamato ended up stepping out of the cave and into the rain, his pale cheeks however, betrayed no hint of embarrassment, only his chest fell and rose irregularly as he took a few deep breaths.

“Yamato san, can you hear me?”

The two turned their attention to the source of the voice, Yamato's digivice which was attached to his pant’s belt loop. Frowning, the blond removed it from his pants and raised it towards his mouth, responding in a hesitant tone.

“Koushiro?”

“Yes! I’m glad I was able to connect with you too. I’ve gotten hold of everyone else, well except Mimi san but I was planning to reach out to her next.”

The digivice being used as a walkie-talkie was something new to both of them, but if someone was capable of figuring that out it was Koushiro. Yamato lowered the digivice, holding it between the two of them so Mimi could lean in closer and listen better too.

“Mimi’s with me.”

It was a simple statement, a factual one in fact, but the words made Mimi’s stomach churn unbearably. She wanted to slap herself across the face just to get out of this stupor she seemed to be under, Yamato and she had never been anything more than casual friends, and she should know better than to dream of something more.

“I see...That’s...uh that’s good to hear.”

Koushiro’s voice seemed more timid than earlier, as if he was not happy to hear about how the two of them had ended up together. Yamato too must have noticed the change in their friend’s voice as he scowled at the device in his hand, possibly annoyed that Koushiro would take a dire situation like this and make it about his feelings for the brunette.

“What do we need to do next?” Yamato cut right to the chase, the urgency in his voice made it seem like he wanted to put an end to the whole dilemma of being stuck alone with Mimi as soon as possible and that finally made the jumbled-up feelings inside of her calm down for a minute.

“Let me explain the rendezvous location to you…”

Mimi tuned out the conversation, knowing that Yamato would guide her in the right direction, she took that time to collect herself instead. By the time they left the cave and followed Koushiro’s directions to where they would meet up with their friends, the surge of emotions she’d felt by simply being around Yamato alone began to simmer down. The two walked in silence, with Mimi trailing slightly behind. She was dragging her feet across the ground so slowly, which came as a surprise to Yamato and he would often turn to check if she was still around. He must have thought her behaviour odd, considering how aggressively Mimi had wanted to get out of the cave to go look for Palmon a while ago.

But now, she knew that the minute the two would reunite with their friends the problems surrounding the Digital World would take centre stage in both their minds. Until the battle was over the two would probably never get the chance to think about what had almost happened between them in the cave. What Mimi feared the most, however, was that both of them would eventually forget the heated moment they had shared and never again make an attempt to get close to each other.

Which is why she walked slowly, to keep the memory of Yamato’s mesmerising blue eyes staring at her lips fresh in her mind for as long as she could. Deep down she hoped that Yamato would do the same, because maybe, just maybe if both of them held onto the memory of their tryst tightly, it wouldn’t wither out as a dream and remain rooted in their minds as something real for years to come.

- x -

[caihongs]

⭐️ For the Director’s Cut!

hi anon! i posted a chaniel/lecciardo fic for valentine's day last month and haven't made a tumblr promo post about it yet >< (link here!) but this section of it really made my own heart skip a beat sjkfhaskf i just love writing people in love...

In the end, when he has his way with him and Charles is left watching the sleeping figure of him in his bed, he realises that it’s Daniel’s inherently sweet disposition that carries Charles down this wayward street of infatuation to love. 

Some mornings it’s Charles’ coffee, made somehow perfectly with the temperamental coffee machine Lorenzo gifted him when he first moved out. Other days when Daniel leaves before he can say goodbye, it’s a letter on the fridge written in English and Italian. Charles can barely understand it because of his often appalling spelling, but he’s still left smiling after, sated even when they’re spending weeks apart. 

“You look pretty today,” he says to Charles one day when he comes out of the bathroom in his Ferrari suit. He’s worn this countless times before and Daniel has seen both him and Sebastian in the same thing for years. And yet, his heart pounds so loud he can hear it and wonders what he should say back.

“You’re pretty too.” It’s choked out and would have come off insincere if not for the way he blooms with the praise, and how Charles would never say anything he didn’t mean when it comes to Daniel. He’s drinking water and scrolling through his phone at the counter but Charles still finds him stupidly handsome. Pretty too. The sun dapples his brown curls, his lashes fan against the skin beneath his eyes when he blinks, and he’s freshly-shaven but when he kisses Charles, he can still feel the prickle against his chin. It makes him chuckle to himself and he can’t help but ask Daniel for another and another, until he has to grab him by the lapels of his blazer and tell him that Andrea has been waiting for him for the past fifteen minutes outside. 

so this fic was very much entirely inspired by laufey's valentine, one of the sweetest songs in existence. her music and voice make me want to fall in love OTL

in the song, it goes:

"He tells me I'm pretty Don't know how to respond I tell him that he's pretty too Can I say that? Don't have a clue"

which inspired this scene! from vegas 2019, to daniel wanting to be on a deserted island with charles because he caves under peer pressure, to daniel whispering into charles' neck rumoured to be 'you have big dick energy' at monza 2022, to daniel saying je t'aime and charles replying with moi aussi at singapore 2022, i've been fascinated by their relationship and how easily daniel reduces charles to a stuttering, blushing mess. if you've read any of my kpop rpf or simply filtered for additional tags, you'll know how much i love an established r/s and/or domestic fluff moment and this is no exception. it's them finding home in each other despite the busy lives they lead and despite the fact that charles in this fic overthinks himself to death, he finally reckons with the truth that he will always be enough for daniel to stay. i wish i could be more eloquent with this but in the words of jane austen, if i loved this fic less, i might be able to talk about it more.

[satanicspinosaurus]

OMG OMG OMG I like zonked out for a (I’m not actually sure how long-form time works with enough chronic pain so let’s say more than a week and less than a month) and bam you cranked out a beautiful comic!!!! I think I remember reblogging 3 parts, but oh my gosh it’s wonderful and going through it again is a treat.

Part 1 coming back to, I really like how authentically confident Aldriin is here. Especially the casual sit down. You can tell he’s in his element, *working* Astarion to agree with his point. Like that pose is just perfect. Open body language, a hand moved a bit closer. I’d actually say it’s a stone throw away from flirty. And I mean that very strictly. There’s something about the facial expression that cues me into it not actually being, but it’s brillant story telling because it makes total sense why Astarion picks the sex bid (beyond his “gods given” options as he puts it) later. The end panel is great. Aldrin is round in ways that will change. Astarion is gaunt in ways that will change. They are, oppositional in appearance but so very similar shades of moral grey, down to two smiles that aren’t warm when you look carefully. Part 2 panel I love is the horror look. Beyond the person (being seen/ repped is often fun) I do like the very natural response of Astarion here. It’s not my story, but a lot of A-spec folks are treated like their natural way of experiencing the world must be a result of trauma (or fear of it). There’s also the delicious euphemism “soft” here. It’s great character writing because Astarion is an asswhipe at times, but he’s honed into something a bit by accident. I think he’s trying to imply he isn’t fatphobic like society, which does link body fat % to maturity. But it also ends up being a real a-spec rep moment. That if we aren’t sexually active/ desiring we are immature, and really don’t worry dear, I see you’ve got some adult traits hidden under there I can help bring out. (And as a viewer, I am of course rooting for our fav half-drow’s moments of realization. It might be coming via manipulation but self-knowledge is self-knowledge.) Pt 3’s shift to cool grey is such an awesome thing btw! The tone shift hits immediately, and oh it’s such a strong way to experience someone “cooling down” after the heat of a moment. The heavy amount of blank ink makes it feel almost claustrophobic as our poor dude is huddling around a tiny amount of light/ insight. The brightest panel on his face being him admitting Astarion actually smiling is nice is such a nice touch. Especially compared to the heart-wrenching shading on the “normal people” panel. The heavy use of silhouettes, the literal picture of a cave, and the struggle of learning the truth ends up being a solid fun way of thinking about Plato’s allegory of the cave.  Part 4!!!! Yeah, it was Mama K! First off- this woman is giant and I love it. You do not remotely shy away from making her a powerhouse. Honestly, I love the slight change to her camp clothes. That’s not a bra really anymore, its’ more how I see bodybuilders wear tank tops. (Especially when Aldiirn  poofs out. That is beautiful and hats off.) I also really like the explicit reaction of her assumption that Aldiirn  is gay. I don’t see a lot of that, probably because the BG3 setting tries to be post-(or never existing) homophobia. But there’s an explicit lack of acknowledgement of it in the setting that goes beyond that that keeps the game “player-sexual”. You could argue in Faerun everyone is bi, but that would make no sense in context of how the Drow operate. Or how the couples we do see ratio more like our world. Which is a long way of saying, your Karlach’s reaction hits me more like I *think* they want us to read the setting as. Any sexuality is fine (as long as you shack up with someone) but exclusive preferences in either direction are less common. Basically bi/ pan as the norm. (I guess the fan’s idea of the game vs the game’s text.) Also: yes Karlach, THANK YOU. The chance everyone in this party is single and/or ready to mingle is low AF. THANKS! Oh, also Karlach as a source of light really helps repeat the themes of knowledge=light in the last section. Karlach is pent up, but knows what she wants. And I really believe just talking to people helps us understand ourselves, like the way Aldiirn  seems so much better in his self-knowledge quest at “of course”. Part 5 

Astarion’s catty-ness coming out as a defense mechanism is just a slow spiral horror show. I think Aldiirn ’s, er casual affect about sex probably is just read as terrible by Astarion here. His mark isn’t consumed by him, so he’s in trouble. It really digs home how early game he only thinks his body is his only option. And I don’t think we recognize enough how terrifying that must be in a game of hotties (that are all very horny to boot).  It’s amazing how his last panel makes the idea of him getting blood really feel like a cheap consolation prize. After all, if he can’t manage a miracle, this just becomes a tiny detour in decades of slavery. Also that heavy shading is doing work, including the dark speech bubble. A “healthy” attitude might be that hey, he still has access to good blood. But honestly, it does remind me that he’s very transactional. Astarion is trading away himself still for it (as sort of a quick Dom thing) in his head. It’s not that Aldiirn  sees him having a need and realizes he can meet it. No, it’s a trade. Performance for food. And that’s humiliating. The journal by the way is clever as shit. Love it. Aldiirn really appears honest in his tent, I feel like his gender presentation shifts a bit without an audience here. The concerning amount of mushrooms, the supply focus dialgoue, hells the way his hair is tied. There’s something honest here- even when there’s a source of lighting it’s soft and doesn’t cast shadows on his face part of his body might still be a little obscured but that the the setting feel kinder. (Well until the detour comment….but I think that’s more telling us what will happen.)  I’m glad we get to see him in private. It makes the more open Aldiirn that shows up to Astarion feel a little performance-y. And I think it again works to affirm why Astarion assuming things. Yep, Aldiirn is hiding things and well. Concerns, active agency, his own problems. Aldrin might show up in a much better headspace after getting to think and talk about things, but he’s not fully candid and able to talk to Astarion openly.

In all honestly, the last page kind of explains a lot. It’s a little jaring to not see Aldiirn digest Astarion’s actions. He moves onto Karlach and his issues. It’s not even clear if Astarion fed on him, as a lot of his neck his hidden so there’s no clear lack of or presence of bite marks.

To be clear, it’s healthy for him not to be obsessed with Astarion. But again, Astarion needs obsession. There’s no way someone like Aldiirn who just cares about these random people exists, based on his world experience. That plus, Aldiirn clearly not caring about his own self needs has to be apparent on some level to our “magistrate”.

It’s a story of two liars circling each other, and it was a joy to read.

Stealing Hearts (Complete)

14 pages, all in one post! A bard and rogue make for a smooth heist team but have a rocky romantic start due to both being idiots who can't say no. I started this scene in December when thinking about how the Astarion romance would have kicked off for my demisexual tav, Aldiirn, and how a long rest queue surprise fit in.

Rest of the scene under the cut! The daytime pages have also been updated for a better texture so they're not dark like the OG posts.

[zugmode]

As an expert on the history of the subject, what are your thoughts on what's happening at Columbia University?

I'm trying to keep this as apolitical as possible (I'm not one to post my political opinions online), so here's what I think strictly in a historical context.

Columbia University is no stranger to civil disobedience. In 1968, demonstrators occupied five buildings on Columbia's campus. Among their demands was for Columbia to cut affiliation with the Institute for Defense Analyses (IDA), which was essentially a coalition of leading universities and government agencies formed to conduct military research (x). Student occupation of the buildings lasted roughly a week, after which they were met with police violence and mass arrests. Thirty were suspended for their involvement with the demonstration. Within a year of the student occupation, Columbia indeed cut ties with IDA (x).

Now, in 2024, we have a similar situation. Though students are not occupying university facilities, they have created the Gaza Solidarity Encampment in a stand against Israel's abuse of Palestine. Their demands are largely similar to what they were 56 years ago: they ask that Columbia sever ties with corporations that profit from the war. 100 students have been arrested, and several (I couldn't find an exact number) have been suspended. It remains to be seen whether Columbia will once again cave to the interests of its student demonstrators.

In the aftermath of the 1968 occupation, Columbia has made protest a part of its culture, though it struggles with how to handle these new demonstrations. The New York Times wrote, "Mayor Eric Adams said on Thursday evening that while Columbia has a 'proud history of protest,' students did not 'have a right to violate university policies and disrupt learning.'" (x). Columbia has attempted to accommodate protestors through relegating demonstrations to certain areas and certain times of day, though these rules don't seem to be taking to the student body.

Despite its long infatuation with the 1968 occupation's place in campus history, Columbia University is completely misunderstanding the point of civil disobedience. The point of striking, of occupying, of demonstrating, is to break the rules peacefully. There is no such thing as legal civil disobedience. Something about the Columbia administration attempting to impress regulations onto political activity seems like it could eventually encroach toward a First Amendment violation. I'm reminded, now, of the Free Speech Movement at Berkeley in 1964, which fought back against a ban of political activity on campus following a wave of Civil Rights mobilizations. I can't say I would be entirely surprised if institutions once again start to impose similar bans on their campuses.

I won't do violence to the facts. The 2024 occupation is far more complex than the 1968 occupation. From what I can find, Columbia University is faced with a moral dilemma of both accommodating demonstrators and protecting its Jewish student body. Also, though I'm a little annoyed by Mayor Adams' response (I question if they're really proud of the '68 occupation), I find it to be completely rational in a legal context. One thing they evidently gained from the past is a fear of demonstrative violence, which they obviously want to prevent. This war is a deeply divisive issue in America, and I expect it to worsen as time goes on. We do not have to agree with their actions, but we have to understand that these bureaucrats are trying to prevent the worst.

As we enter into the election cycle, I'd like people to keep an eye on protests. Demonstrators are being arrested on college campuses, as they were 56 years ago. The modern SDS plans to demonstrate during Convention Week in Chicago (x). America is once again divided by not only a war, but also a long roster of longstanding, polarizing issues. As a student of the Sixties, and especially 1968, I worry for what is to come. We live in important times.

[derealfeelz]

Past Dream #1 (Kodoku's Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar No. 7)

This is the 7th post I've made on here, so it's been a week, so that's cool. To celebrate, I guess we'll talk about past dreams I had, especially since my name on here is "derealfeelz", and I need something to write about.

A year ago, I made a dream diary on my chromebook and it lasted until August (with a dream from January from this year). I must've forgotten about it as I did have school around that time, and shit like that gets in the way, hopefully that doesn't happen with this lol. Out from May to August, I seem to only wrote 12 dreams, out of like 90 days. I guess I'll tell you one that I think is an interesting dream, it occurred on 6/14/22.

So I was on trip with a pretty known rapper with his crew, camera equipment, security guards, he's got his protection. I would say the rapper's name, but I don't wanna sound really weird (but then again, dreams can be weird), especially with how he goes with his aesthetic. This took place in a forest, at a pretty high elevation according to the diary.

The dream started in this place that may have been some tour place because I did describe "big glass with some stuff behind it" in a cave, and that we could see a bridge from it. If I remember correctly, the bridge was pretty weak. You know the one bridge from the original Shrek, where him and Donkey cross the bridge to save Fiona? I believe that's what it was, since something happened later in the dream.

We crossed the bridge with the crew, then we explored this forest as if it was a park we can go to, and apparently, we seen one of our bros getting arrested for something. I didn't specify what it was, so I guess for this post, I'll say he was flashing the policemen too much with his camera and one of them had a seizure I guess. I did see his camera on the ground and for some reason, instead of picking it up for him (and shouting free bro, fuck 12!!! (I'm joking on that part lol, some cops are good)), I just decided to leave it, and no one picked it up. And we all just kept going with our journey.

After we were did our thing with our journey, we started to head back, and remember that bridge I was talking about earlier? We were crossing that and it snapped, like a few people fell into the water below it, probably broke because too much people on it at once. And then, I had such a smart solution. There was still another string there that came off easily and I had it in my hand, and I decided to try to swing to the other side, but some kid (probably one of my bros) grabbed onto me as I did the leap of faith, and the string broke as we swung, and we both fell into the water. It probably had alligators and we all died or some shit, because I didn't specify that other than saying that the dream ended there.

So yeah, I probably actually wrote something interesting! I think I do got a couple other dreams to write about, although I don't got so many, so I hopefully will start again. Hopefully you find this interesting and see you guys again lol.

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[aro-laurance-zvahl]

hey now, don't beat yourself up about "unfinished" work. sometimes the purpose of writing is to shake your emotions out, or to test a new style, or to write the one specific scene you've been daydreaming about. 500 words is still a lot (trust, I did nano and thinking "I still have 500 words.." is daunting). no love, however brief, is wasted.

for a prompt, you never said if you wanted it fandom specific? so I think it could be fun to try and write smth in second person. you could do it in a, outsiders perspective looking in to whatever fandom situation you want. also, don't feel pressured to post it. sometimes our writing is just for us (though of course if you want to, I'm not holding you back!) :]

It has been. A bit of a rough week. Which made these 500 words take longer than my usual, but they shall not be wasted. Since I first followed you back in your Sanders Sides days, I figured I might well cobble together something SaSi. It’s from this LAMP soulmate AU I have, inspired by a fic I read years ago but when I reread it it just didn’t scratch the itch. It’s a mess of an AU, so many branching paths and no consistent timeline and probably at least 10k words of mess scattered around my drafts and 1k of them are probably the same words pasted into different draft where the situation goes a different direction. I have fun with it though, and I really like it which felt appropriate for this ask as well.

So without further ado, enjoy 537 words of Remy’s inner turmoil.

—

You are fourteen years old, sitting with your best friend in his room. You’re pretending not to notice, but you can tell he’s looking at how the writing appears on your arm. You know he’s still mourning the fact his writing doesn’t appear on it anymore, and so are you.

Not that you don’t like your soulmate, he’s nice and his doodles are getting better, and you feel it in your bones you’ll love him when you see him, but you don’t think it’ll stop the weird grief you have about Virgil. He’s been your best friend since you were six, and for over two years he was your soulmate too. Until he wasn’t.

Looking back, maybe it was predictable. You two were kids, arms filled with possible soulmates that fate was still lining up perfectly. Nearly all of them would fade, and one day, for you, they did. You were left with one, like everyone figured would happen. You had already met your soulmate, you two would barely remember a day without that bond. Except the one wasn’t Virgil, and it could not have happened at a worse time.

You don’t think you could ever forgive fate for the shambles she left Virgil in, even if your soulmate is a god on earth. He lost so much that year because of stupid fate and you know he’s never been able to recover, so why should you love fate? You know she’s not kind, maybe she has been to you since that time but you’ve seen the cruel nature she harbors. You had to watch her break your best friend before either of you knew long division.

You take a deep breath. He just got back from the hospital, it’s not the time to go on one of your anger induced ramblings about fate. They make him sad anyway, and you’re supposed to be here to cheer him up. You try to focus back on the game in front of you, but your arm itches and you know it’s because fate is sinking her claws along the new markings, urging you to look and look and look.

You give in to her demands, sparing a quick glance down to relieve the hives like feeling dancing across your arm. It’s nothing important, just a few words asking you to remind him to ask for more stickers, you couldn’t even respond if you really needed to anyway. The itching fades as quickly as it began though, and you wonder how Virgil manages to never look at his own if you cave after moments? His soulmates are chatty too, from what you have gathered from the small things he says about them.

It’s most definitely not the time to ask though, so you once again adjust your grip on the controller in your hand and focus your vision back onto the game in front of you. It really sucks you have to finish the game for him, but he doesn’t want to wait the couple months for his cast to come off to see the end and you know he’d do it for you. You’ve been dying to talk about it with him anyway, and that is definitely a safe and happy subject.

[meiyudo]

Enigma// Ch 2

Modern!Anakin x Reader

(a/n: So I’ve got an idea about this story, but dont worry I’m gonna juggle this one and unconditionally :) as always ty for reading and I hope you enjoy this one just as much as my other stories)

as time goes on you grow closer to Ahsoka, though you still wonder about her friend...

Warnings: cursing, alcohol, mature content?, anakin is an asshole, PTSD, 

__________________________________

A few weeks passed without seeing the group from that night, though you had become closer with Ahsoka. The two of you had exchanged texts and did study sessions quite often. You found that not all D1 athletes were complete assholes. The two of you liked to go club hopping on friday nights and tonight in particular the two of you were already buzzed by 7:30. 

You enjoyed Ahsoka, she could make friends with about anyone, her jovial spirit mixed with her seemingly infinite wisdom drew so many people to you guys. But the more you hung out with her the more you remembered her friend, Anakin. 

You hadn't seen him since the night you first met him, though you wished you could have seen him more.

There was just something so interesting about him…

“Hey!! Ready for a shot?” Ahsoka smiled, placing two small glasses on the table in front of you. You smiled and took one from her. The two of you downed the vials of liquor and began to laugh. 

“Ahhahah, that one burned” she laughed making a face at the drink.

“I’ll get the next round, but we’re doing a mixed drink” you offered, to which she threw a thumbs up. 

She plopped down on the stook next to you and pulled out her phone. Ahsoka was a curious girl, she seemingly could drink forever and not have a hangover, but at the same time keep up her healthy D1 physique and talent. Tonight her hair was in box braids and she sported a simple maroon slip dress. 

You were also dressed up and the two of you were definitely collecting the attention of all kinds of people. You took a look around to look at your fellow attendants, there were some conventionally attractive people, but you couldn’t get her friend out of your head.

Shamefully you had tried to find him on all social media but were saddened to see he either didn’t have a profile or the one he did have, had no posts. You glanced up at your friend who was deeply invested in whatever text conversation she was having on her phone. 

You were filled with liquid courage so why not ask the question that was looming in the back of your mind for months.

“Hey, Ahsoka… remember your friend Ben and the other one?” you asked, trying to sound innocent.

“Yeah, Ben and Anakin,” she said, still typing.

“How do you know them?”

She set her phone down and smiled, “Yeah, so Anakin was my neighbor when I was a kid and he was friends with Ben. But we got a lot closer when they went to high school because they did ROTC and my dad was the Commander for their school. When they would have to go to meets I liked to tag along so they kinda made me like their little sister. but when I finally went to high school ROTC they were already in the real military, so yeah” she shrugged near the end. 

Makes sense why he had all of that military stuff.

“That’s really cool Ahsoka! Ben seems really sweet and so does Anakin… kinda… Is that why you were celebrating with them? Because of the military job? ” you trailed off.

She let out an abrupt laugh, “Sorry! Hah, Anakin isn’t the best at first impressions, and yeah funny thing is I’m gonna be doing basic training with the same sergeant they were under.”

“That's nice” you smiled “And yeah… I really don’t think he wanted anything to do with me”.

She gave you a funny look, “Well, he did let you stay at his house, so he doesn’t totally hate you”

“I was drunk, he probably woulda done that for anyone” you scoffed.

“Hmmm I don't know F/N, He’s quite picky as to who is allowed in his “cave”. He could've just said no.”

You pondered for a moment before speaking again, “Is he nice? Cause he was a little scary”.

“He’s honestly a sweetheart if you get to know him, he just keeps a lot of walls up because he’s scared too.”

“Scared of what?” you asked.

“Scared of people judging him or looking down on him for shit he’s done or shit he deals with” she said flatly. 

“Hmmm…” you smiled. “Maybe not the best time, but is he single?” you asked, alcohol heating your cheeks.

She grinned at that, “Yes, yes he is… why do you ask?”.

“Oh, I don't know…he was kinda cute” you looked away.

“Would you maybe want his number?” she asked

You snapped your head towards her, “Yes?!”.

Both of you started to giggle, “let's order the next round first” you offered.

Once you had your new drinks perched prettily in front of you she began to give you his number. 

“Sooo, I just want to let you know he has a lot of baggage… buuuut you should totally go for it” she smiled.

Baggage? You wanted to uncover his secrets. As you typed his number into your phone you realized neither Ahsoka nor you would be doing this, or even discussing this sober. You hoped she wouldn’t remember all of tonight. 

“just want to make sure, do you think he’d be comfortable with me having his number?” you asked sheepishly.

She giggled and pulled out her phone, “I think he’d be blushing on the other side of the screen”.

“What?”

“Yeah, I know him really well and ever since we stayed at his place, he’s brought you up several times” she remarked as she sent the contact information.

“Really? Me?” you asked, astonished.

“Mhmm, he's been like “Where's your little friend Ahsoka?” and hinting at inviting my other “Friends” over when we hang out, and I know he knows you’re the only one I usually hang out with outside of them and school” she laughed as she brought her drink to her lips.

Once she was done she added, “and trust me, that is him showing interest. I haven't seen him like this in a long ass time”.

“I don’t think I did anything particularly outstanding to earn his attention” you lamented, adding his contact into your phone. 

She shrugged and finished her drink.

_____________________________________

It was now around 10:30 or was it 1:00? Ahsoka was still going strong, dancing with some random people you two had just met. She was quite impressive.

You, on the other hand, were winding down at the bar. you drank more than you usually did and were debating if you should go back to the dorms tonight or find someone to stay with.

Your insides felt warm because of the alcohol sitting nicely in your stomach. Your cheeks were rosy and you were feeling fucking fantastic. You observed the people in the club, some were dancing, others heavily making out, but a couple across the floor caught your attention.

They were sitting together, hands entwined and you saw the guy crane his neck to kiss her head. They looked like they were supposed to be at a romantic picnic, not a club. They were so lovely, so caring, so perfect…

You wanted that. 

You wanted that so bad. 

The alcohol definitely made you bold, because you reached into your purse and pulled out your phone. Before you knew it your message was sent up in a small bubble.

“Hey”.

Simple.

You placed the phone back down but it dinged almost immediately. 

Who is this, and how do you get this number?

“Its F/N, Ahsoka’s friend, and she gave it to  me”

Why do you need my number?

You felt yourself blush, why did you need the number?

“Idk? I have just kinda been thinking abt u…”

He took a while to respond to that

It's Friday, the two of you must be out, how long have you been drinking?

“Maybee, and idkk”

You laughed at his concern, it was kinda cute.

Soon you heard your phone ringing, it was him.

“Hheelloo?” you answered

“How long have the two of you been out?” you heard him say from the other side of the phone. His voice was a tad raspy but just as good as you remembered. 

“Umm, I don't know since like 7:30??”

“Christ! Its fucking 3 in the morning F/N!” he growled.

You felt a nice sensation shoot to your core. Your name sounded so nice on his tongue. You wanted him to say it again.

“We’re fine, we were just gonna get an uber or somethi-” you were cut off by a wobbly Ahsoka.

“Who ya talking to?!” she asked

Giggling you told her “anakin”

She excitedly shouted, “Ahhaha! Hey Sky guy!! Come and *hic* party with us!!”

“Damnit, where are you two?”

Ahsoka giggled and told him the location.

“I’m calling Ben to pick you two up, you better be fucking glad he doesn’t have work tomorrow”

You were saddened at his words, why was he not coming?

“Where exactly is he gonna drop us?” you shot back, harsher than you intended.

You heard him sigh on the other side, “He’ll drop you two at my place, it's not safe for you two to be unsupervised”.

“Says who?” you said back.

“Me. i’m not going to stay on the line with some irresponsible college students”

Ahsoka butted in, “HEY! Don’t act like you were any better than we are, I know for a fact you do just as much as us Anakin Skywalker!” and with that she hung up.

She huffed and crossed her arms, “he thinks he’s so much better than us because, what? He’s older? Cause he doesn’t club? He’s just as bad, he just does it alone” she huffed with a frown. 

***

(A/N: ok, so if you dont know what ROTC is its basically like the junior military program in highschools, it may just be an american thing? But anyway, ik Ahsoka’s parents arent in actual cannon, so they wont be and integral part of this story anyways. Also I do not condone getting this drunk lmfao)

taglist: @dnamht @sxoulohvn @angeelcoree @wtf-andys @httpeachesblog @katsukiswrld @jetiikote

[sugar-petals]

boyfriend!KAI HAVERTZ: d u a l i t y (m.)

↳ ⎡ a chaotic headcanon all about kai’s sweet and sexy sides. 🌿 

# word count. 7.9k 

☼ genre. established relationship au, fluff/humor, smut

WARNINGS. ⚠️ hurt and comfort, x fem!reader, mature themes + explicit language (minors dni), romance mixed with thirst & possessiveness lite, oral sex: both receiving, pretty boy/prince kink (oof), sub!kai if you squint, brief mentions of alcohol and online harassment, body shaming 

♡ 【 ＮＯＴＥ】› every now & then i emerge from my cave to write for the sports fandom. i usually create football intro posts, today it’s plot and banter ✍️ featuring guess who: the supermodel incarnate. a handsome mf too fascinating not to create a detailed universe about (yep, sit back and snack a pretzel). since this football season couldn’t be any more stressful - holy hell 💀🤕 - here comes the soft!kai wholesomeness, some juicy nsfw distraction while we’re at it, and a big portion of unhinged crack. in that sense, hope this has something entertaining for everyone. enjoy!

read on AO3 

being constantly head over heels for each other is your couple energy. my goodness me, the reaction of your friends is absolutely tell-tale. they’re either going ‚aww… never seen anything like this‘ or ‚oh my god just get a room, ye freakin’ lovebirds!‘. it’s always either-or, which is where the dual nature of the whole relationship already shows. it radiates the ultimate comfort, but also… hell yeah, electrifies. that just can’t get boring. the topic of having two sides of a coin is pretty much the red ribbon of kai and you being together, and there’s a lot to say about it.

kai is a model boyfriend in every meaning of the word. a textbook cuddly romeo slash elven king /and/ an actual model stunner (geez, all that body — he’s just a masterpiece). oh, lucky you. but, even if you’re always glued to one another, you are also decisively independent people by the sheer force of irony. this goes down at the flick of a switch to suit your individual needs. kai is always in the know. you figured out in mere weeks just how to respect each other’s me zone. you’re the type to run around attached at the hip with a couple scarf at the christmas market, but also stray apart for your own business all the time when needed. makes for a nice balance. no pressure, but also no sense of feeling desolate.

if you crave your alone time, your tall ass babe — who’s really good at picking up on those things — is suddenly busy with training, paperwork, or dozing off for days like he’s now sleeping beauty. cute, pretty, gorgeous, lovely, showstopping, never done before. that way, you can live out your hermit fantasy the way you want. going feral in nature, driving your bike around anywhere, or wrapping yourself into a blanket burrito to just live online for days and days. he won’t bother you. kai himself is the type to seek retreat for healing time with his animals, you’re similar in that regard. his social media is switched off for a day or two, the phone’s for emergencies: just for him to return back home with some hay in his hair, ready to be obsessed with each other all over again.

from the outside, this might seem like an on-and-off process to a perfect stranger, but it isn’t. you really yearn for one another in the distance, and never really part for longer than a week. if possible, with a schedule of that scale. the separation being involuntary… is a different thing. repeated away matchdays without you attending the stadium are hell for needy kai who’s gonna be in a terrible unkissed mood walking and talking and looking like he morphed into some kind of lovesick robot with the exterior of kai lukas havertz. the poor lil’ babycakes honestly, he doesn’t deserve that. his teammates are always gonna hear one sentence. i miss my girlfriend, i feel so bad. it’s common knowledge that he’s perfectly capable of being a productive citizen, but the no-gf days just put his brain into a blender. you do your best being patient and send pics of you nestled into his jerseys, or random memes to bridge the time. it helps for an hour, but not a whole weekend. when germans are feeling all alone, they turn into tragic broken 18th-century poets that ran out of ink. it’s the great havertzian existential crisis, oh boy.

this shit’s gonna eat him up from the inside. you have to be with each other in person. other people around him will also start to feel the longing as if it’s their own. kai is definitely wiping away some tears when he’s switching off the light by himself in a random hotel room. dizzy from jetlag and his body hurt, he then so painfully realizes again and again how it’s precious time lost with you. if he’s not already on video call, your woeful honey boy looks through his camera roll three times a day just to see you smile or prank him for breakfast, announcing you will stan fc cologne. every picture you drop on socials is a holy grail. without his gf brainrot, kai simply cannot function. truth is, he feels incomplete when there’s no ongoing comments to sincerely tell him he’s so sweet and pretty an obnoxious amount of times a day. at least ten times. sixty is your record. forty to go. you know the drill. records exist to be broken.

and don’t think you’re the only one, showering him with compliments like that. kai is always the first to interact — even when he’s on pitch getting axed by yet another witless defender, your man carries his phone in the other hand retweeting your latest one-liners. he often types out a whole emotional paragraph but deletes it before hitting send. kai’s gonna say it to you the next time you’ll sleep with each other (which is always under the category ‚very soon‘, so don’t worry). instead, his messages are to the point. he knows heart emojis you didn’t even know existed. this man is a walking notification squad, he’s whipped, he hypes you up, he needs you, he’s fanboying 24/7, he will do anything for his queen. if you asked him to volley kick none other than break-iano phone-naldo into the rings of neptune to forever keep him floating there for the sake of mankind, he will do it. and yes, he smiles and coos at his screen so unapologetically like he’s reading fluff on ao3. post some pics cuddling the dogs? he’s blowing up your devices with likes and excited yelling in two seconds.

and meanwhile, in your world: everyone in your social environment is gonna be bombarded with the ‚i miss my idiot so much, why is he not here‘ faces of yours on the regular. even if you don’t say it out loud, everybody knows. it’s incredibly obvious to all your friends that the lack of your favorite cuddle bug’s presence has left one giant spiritual void. at home, you turn into a cryptid couch potato for days on end, cry-masturbating to some arguably stunning kai nudes (somebody hang ’em in the louvre already) or having sad phone calls at 3AM when it really becomes too unbearable. if it weren’t for the dogs, that house would be too big and too empty. almost spooky, in fact. imagine then the splendid nights when kai returns.

this is gonna be a firework of emotion and rolling around in the sheets. unless the more heated phone calls are concerned, you bet your season ticket that kai has not touched himself otherwise. even under the shower it goes, this doesn’t work man, i just can’t. let’s be real and honest: he’s all wired to you. his dick is like, „not sorry! closed hours until further notice :3“ whenever it doesn’t sense the aura of the queen. he couldn’t get it up with ten blue pills an hour. havertz junior is fast asleep downstairs. kai solely wants his one and only couch potato cryptid and no one else. man, is he in love. the prince of habsburg will really do anything for his goddess. he’ll sell his leg hair. only the scent of your skin makes him flustered and safe, and lord knows kai will always ask to steal a hoodie before going on a journey. he once made the whole chelsea bus yearn for love when he wrapped the sleeves around his upper body in his deep sleep while talking to the sweater. he also mumbled something hot which we’re not gonna recite here. play sucker for you by the jonas brothers: that’s exactly the theme.

yeah, let’s talk about some more uplifting bits as well, all in good humor. when it comes down to it, one of the best parts of the famous kai duality is that he is both a consummate living glam boy toy straight out of a 2010’s haircut magazine, but also a 100% trophy boyfriend kinda type. all built into one person, shoutout to his parents. they really created something. taking the trophy part literal here: give it up for the big game player, he has a few. regardless, and goddamn, doesn’t he kinda qualify as a glittering trophy himself? because he’s bedazzled with wonderfulness and the whole world wants to win his heart, badum-tss.

you’re very proud of him always. he has you dishing out the cutesy forehead kisses for real. theoretically. his forehead is way up high there, and the bean already has back problems from bending to tie his shoe laces (his dogs decide to help him out frequently). not to mention from carrying the entire ‚only romantic guy in a 1000 mile radius‘ agenda on his back. so, kissing his knees is also okay. easy to reach. they need some TLC from all the running and bruises, win-win scenario. and who said knees aren’t attractive. you’re gonna be out there routinely flirting with your baby in his DMs like oh hello, setting another standard there my westphalian prince, god of all leg and foot, your revealed ankles would have truly caused a scandal in the victorian age tabloids. like come on, we have to dig up the truth: every proper wag has a full-fledged leg and foot fetish. legs are literally 90% of her man’s job. do you think she won’t notice? and even if you did not once think about shit like sexy blue football shoes and a perfectly fitted pair of socks before: your boyfriend’s body changed your mind.

nice leggies aren’t even the tip of the iceberg with kai. boy can just stand there and it tells anyone that 1) your flirting game is A+ and truly unhinged, otherwise you’d not be able to bring him along now, 2) your taste is maybe a tiny bit bizarre but most definitely amazing, and 3) the viscount of vampire castle aachen is quite clearly yours. he’s clinging to you all the time anyways. moth to the flame, white dog hair to black fabric sweater. people on the street are gonna assume he is in mortal danger because kai is the type to hold onto you for dear life just as a habit. he walks while hugging you. he sits while hugging you. not even the most oblivious person will be confused as to who he belongs with, and who he came with. oh well. i’ll say it. literally came with. you know exactly what i mean. this is one hell of a physical relationship.

anyway. more on that later, basics first. talk about clothes again: you always have matching couple shirts. eyecatching, fashionable ones. you were the one picking them out: because of your faultless sense of detecting things that look super exquisite, as evidenced by your choice of sexy partner. you seriously got a feel for it, though. i’m not kidding. anyone can tell from a fucking mile away: these people color coordinated the living shit out of their fashion game, it’s them against the world. kai’s instagram is plastered in ‚#dressed by gf‘ captions, january to december and back again. the unspoken rule remains: there’s no person more taken than this man.

you do style the fuck outta him. he is your canvas. a mannequin. a statue. the male kate moss in flesh. all-black paris fashion week coats or a sweet peach-colored hoodie, he can do both. his duality extends to everything. you can put some square glossy sunglasses on him, a zip-up jumpsuit, he can rock a fancy umbrella, golden watches, high maintenance felt jackets, sophisticated chelsea boots (ah, perfect) with pointed toes, or straight up cheeky see-through detail blouses like he’s sir lewis hamilton doing a track walk on his home circuit, ready to take pole position. kai looks so good and fucking stylish.

[important editorial note: let us be perfectly distinguished and not cause a shitstorm. subject sir lewis is still the superior power dresser and undisputed sports world fashion king. we live in a democracy, and this is a football post, but nobody can contest this objective fact. he showed up at the met gala dressed as a fancy groom with an entirely transparent bridal lace gown layered underneath. he accepted his GQ award in a sexy grey bdsm harness (omg, can kai please start wearing things like that). he wears a different color every day of the year, no exceptions. he goes the extra mile for custom tailoring. he gives us something to look at. he is a spectacle. he has the best ponytail in formula 1 history. he even makes his own fashion and it’s all vegan. plus, in this dead boring day and age, lewis seems to be the only person left on the planet who knows what a proper pattern is and is not afraid to use it. do i need to go on? i rest my case. i solemnly swear i did not intend to overshadow the sparkling beauty of sir lewis by praising the venerable subject kai lukas havertz in the same breath.]

you encourage kai to take risks with his outfit and dress gentlemanly, or experimentally, not just in athleisure. kai can go pretty polished. he’s interested in how you select an outfit and goes right along (adding his favorite perfume, kai is the best-smelling person in history). you don’t have to guess: he bodies these looks so hard, serge gnabry was left shaken. the fashion chef himself. and let me tell you. the lovechild of anna wintour and the weeknd is truly the judgiest mf to ever walk the german national team ever since toni ‚beast mode‘ kroos retired, so his approval truly means something. serge likes all of kai’s fashion insta posts like it’s his morning newspaper. as if he wasn’t famous enough, kai attracts some major clout for how he is your haute couture muse, and turns even more heads than he usually does. everybody wants to sneak a peak. kai can deliver some major en-vogue moments because he has the combination of build and attitude, and the gorgeousness of the face simply cannot be hidden. facts.

kai has no problem that you’re a wee bit possessive at times, the „that’s my lovely man right here“ style. it’s charming to him. loyalty and a clear sense of belonging are super important in kai’s little private world, always, always, always. you’re never gonna give up on him, and so will he. don’t even think about him abandoning you for an arbitrary influencer from california beach so-and-so. remember, his favorite words are my girlfriend. he drops that a hundred times a day in any conversation. anyone from the outside would be hard-pressed to ignore his devotion. and you? will bust anyone’s ass if they tried to harass him and steal kai from you. when your prince gets fouled, the spirit of manager tuchel enters your body, making you run onto the field to book the player yourself. pardon, that was a joke. it’s the spirit of manager /kepa/ that enters you.

kai needs a strong hand to begin with, but a gentle one, which is another paradox about him. your resident vampire prince without caring physical affection is like cherry pie without the cherries, timo werner without the speed, jorginho without penalties, and lukaku without inter. listen, this man is touchy touchy. he needs his curly hair stroked and his tiny waist hugged all the time, he needs someone to fend for him, stick up for him, and warn him not to hit his head when the door frame is low. when you’re not home to smooch his marks and sore spots, he feels terribly isolated. but he also doesn’t want to be patronized, or be a manchild to you. you doubt the latter is achievable, but you’re not gonna aggressively direct his life, that’s not gonna happen. your philosophy is, gotta observe the person how they treat beloved animals and close acquaintances, and that’s how they wanna be treated. it’s obvious as fuck by how kai goes about handling his interest in donkeys or dogs.

one day he is shy and unsure, needing nothing short of your protection; your five minute embraces and kisses and tender words, your advice and your strength and your guidance. the other day, he’s confident and enduring, that goes for anything. he will shoulder all of your troubles, he will rebuke the haters, he is wise, he stands tall and sexy. this aspect of his duality is the most insane. how kai can go from let-me-stand-behind-you pupper to silky radiant wonderboy with the hands on his hips pose. kai’s duality in terms of esteem is pretty interesting and keeps the two of you on your toes, that’s for sure. a lot of people can’t handle someone who is both so seemingly vulnerable yet glamorously poised, but you chose kai and you own that shit.

he has an unbreakable calm (with a mind as empty as mendy’s goal), but is also batshit crazy. your camera roll is proof how there’s no limit to king kai’s facial expressions, nor is there a limit to how far he can stick out his tongue. lord have mercy when his weird ass meme-ing mimicry turns sexual and picks up on what you did together last night. he has one um unique o-face rendition he’s pulling to make you laugh, but don’t tell anyone. meanwhile, the chill he has in front of the goal translates to everyday conversations as if nothing happened. his sexual side is strictly bedroom and strictly texting. other people won’t catch him saying something explicit to you or about you in interviews or locker rooms.

kai is very ardent, stubborn, bitchy, and cranky when it comes to moral and ethical issues. it’s always clear to you he already made up his mind and stands up for what is right. this dude got a major backbone (literally. his spine is just so fucking long, oh christ). and on the other hand: kai is the most unbothered babycakes on the planet. when the situation calls for it, he looks like he doesn’t give a fuck, and he talks like he doesn’t give a fuck, he says that he doesn’t give one either, but ironically, he often does. he can’t pretend, he can’t lie to you, you see right through anyway. but the unbothered part is still true to some degree. sometimes, he always asks you to decide the most random stuff for him because he has no stance. he’s either 100% decided (e.g. on the fact that dogs deserve the world) or a floating blob with no preference at all (die or das nutella. classic german grammar debate. he shrugged it off as unsolvable.). it’s hilarious how his mentality works.

a trouble-rousing part of his duality has to do with age. after all, kai is still very, very, very young, a duckling fresh out of the pond — but seems a whopping decade older than being actually 22, especially when combined with his on-pitch mannerism or a nice black suit. people make fun of you because your boyfriend is so extremely skinny and taut in the face, or has the type of heavy glance that’s easily dubbed as uninterested, haughty, or weak. that he comes across as ‚completely spent‘ or ‚comes around looking fucked up‘ is something that gets thrown your way pretty often. you know he’s not built like leon ‚the rock‘ goretzka or glows with beaming joy like n’golo kante’s soft cutie cheeks. that’s obvious. he’s just born that way, his way, duh. but the whole critique still doesn’t sit right with you, especially since the jab is aimed at you as a couple, so the insult is double. attacking your boyfriend’s appearance is a no-go. that gives you fury.

you like that kai has a mature look to him. being a babyface heartthrob wouldn’t really suit him, let’s be realistic. his look is unique. actually, you didn’t even think too much about that until people brought it up. a face like that, why not, though? and why is it up for debate? in your eyes, kai is just kai. your cuddly boyfriend with the nice curls. he doesn’t have to look like a disney breakout star, or be ‚easy on the eye‘, or be an SLB (sweet liddol bean) at the beginning of his journey. if people want something like that, they should look elsewhere and consider the living SLB embodiment that is none other than jamal musiala. stan jamal, people.

kai’s no longer a teenage dream either, he’s of frickin’ age. he still needs a bit of bubble wrap, mostly to protect him from stumbling over his own legs, but not a fuckton of it. and, vice versa: that he’s not endless decades older than you is something you consider a pro to begin with, not a vicious con. what’s wrong with a man not being settled in life, you don’t even know what the standard is supposed to be. césar azpilicueta? and he’s a godly stupendous unmatched ideal 99% of the population can’t even remotely reach! loser or winner, you want kai.

everyone is in their own phase, all generations need one another. you enjoy that kai is young and new to the wide world out there. you don’t shame him for not being perfectly experienced, or super bossed up like he runs everything. it’s what is nice and endearing about him. he’s edgy and sexy and he learns from mistakes, looks up to others, works hard on himself, is on eye level (unless it comes to knowledge about donkeys, but you give that one to him). and, the elephant in the room when it comes to long-term relationships — him being very young means, hello: a lot more years to spend together! best believe your boyfriend’s not going anywhere anytime soon. kai hates relationship instability. he’s already made up his mind to go the distance. is his name manuel neuer? because he’s a keeper.

his age also softens any power imbalances, and: he’s in the best possible hormonal phase to be in love with making out. kai's really affectionate. what’s not to like. his age is an all-around advantage. you can come up with 29 more reasons on the fly. but also, how old he is doesn’t have to be a topic day in and day out. in your couple time, you haven’t talked about it at length more than once or twice. it’s not an earth-shattering fact to you, and everybody ages every day anyway, time flies. baby kiki (that’s how his mom calls him, you learned) will be adult kai havertz in a blink of his handsome eye anyway.

if people think he’s just a useless gay gen z bitchboy or a james charles football copy with acne, it’s on them: and you can enjoy the very fact that you’re dating a dashing cutie for yourself at the end of the day, and he dates you. that’s what it’s all about. you like him with the scarring and not just without, you think it’s sweet how he’s popular with guys wherever he goes, and that he has a structured face a camera broadcasting him to a world audience would love… is absolutely a compliment. oh honey you got all of this, and all that stellar body, too. 190 centimeters of good boy, 6’3 of sex god. who wins.

you get super defensive firing out arguments to protect kai regardless. admittedly, and that’s a guilty pleasure, you have slayed many a twitter troll like you're thiago silva’s wife. if you see some vitriol blowing up in the fandom and it crosses your feed, you’re suddenly the danny devito meme that goes so anyway i started blasting 😏💥. last week you got into an ugly tweet fight about kai's physique and began ranting that how he won’t gain weight or superhero level muscle is neither his fault nor his obligation, and if his face is exhausted, well, who’s working hard! and, while we’re at it, guess who stays up extra time at night to make his girlfriend very loved and happy? taking both his job and his relationship seriously, you know, like a great person.

you just kept dragging people left and right all day like, just get out, the uninterested look is a damn sexy bedroom gaze, by the way, learn to differentiate. kai just knows how to be seductive all the time, got a problem with that? also, no, he’s not a plastic prince, that bone structure is very real and not some wobbling derma filler shit, you tested, officially, with kisses, that’s a real fucking jaw. the brows are naturally this way, too, kai slays, he looks just fine, thank you very much. you can feel not attracted to him, but that’s no excuse to critiquing his health from your limited standpoint.

and hey, maybe, coincidentally, you know, he’s not like uh ‚radiant‘ or whatever because you sitting on his face all the time blocks out the sun with all those essential vitamin d nutrients so that’s on you. let it be known to the plebeians that the royal viscount of aachen prefers to live in the shadow. so there’s that. the raving mob of king kai fangirls and fanboys agreed and hit retweet, the haters ran for the hills after you dropped your tirade, news outlets just loved the fodder, kai felt very assured and honored, and you were moving on. no time for body-shaming. you think he’s as handsome as it gets, and not „despite xyz“, but „because xyz“. and anyone who tries to devalue his red hot appearance needs to mind their own messy biz. in a perfect world, kai would be flamed for his strange t-rex arm posing and wild rolling eyes in other people’s instagram videos, and yet he gets shit like that! this is just draining.

alas, you concede one thing. at one point, you had to admit that kai is a questionable dancer. jorginho will beat him in any tiktok battle on god, and rüdiger will shake his hip literally once and obliterate kai in five seconds. at the same time, kai is gifted with levels of foot- and leg-related skills that most other human beings can and will never even fathom. add even more hand-eye-foot coordination since he’s playing the piano… he’s gaming… he’s into formula 1 simulation… he has a lot of sex with you to practice getting really great at it… there i said it, the list goes on. he’s a physical wunderkind but also the world’s worst twerker.

last week he uploaded a recent ass parade on reels. people took to the comments writing stuff like, nothing jiggles here omg, you think your ass is austria but it’s actually the netherlands. kai replied c’mon, i’m working on it! he hates the gym but honey boy will go and try to conjure a 3D booty. tell mason to go join him and kai will stay motivated, as well as have a frame of reference. on the other hand: as i said. you like kai the way he is. everything is already in place how it should be. no improvement necessary. he couldn’t walk around flaunting a massive eden dumptruck without looking a little weird and unbalanced, could he. the only person who can pull off those #insane (hint, hint) legs and a great behind at that height is who? leroy sané. he gets a free pass. leroy’s ass and figure are top-notch. he is the moment. but we digress. the old rule remains, kai looks pretty head to toe. his name is fine. mighty fine.

more duality in the house of havertz… we’re getting more nsfw here. surprise surprise, you love to be very sexually active with him. he’s too hot not to be. the release is amazing, the couple time perfect. you are beyond infatuated with this man’s vibes and body, there’s no way you’re not fucking him back and forth all day every day, from deep and loving to wild and passionate because he is just sizzling and stunning and delicious. and when i say wild, i mean wild. kai is gonna forget in which direction the opposing goal stands after you fucked him brainless shortly before kickoff. you’re gonna scream from the edge of your stadium seat, oh god, my prince, please run the other way, your name is not mats hummels!

and then, oh wonder. kai is the most monk-like person in the world. hell, the pope himself. pater havertz innocentius XXIX (= the 29th). someone who’d rather be a farmer, a fisherman, a shepherd. no thoughts of sex in sight sometimes. his pronounced softie side cannot be underestimated. remember: even if the sky is falling down, even when n’golo kante ever stopped smiling (a truly apocalyptical scenario, not even the gods above could save us), even when tumblr wouldn’t know who mason mount was anymore, the day that thomas tuchel became an incompetent manager: kai would remain the last romantic. much like his chiseled bone structure: this is set in stone and marble.

touchy-feely is the word. hugs before fucks. smoochie before coochie. petting before sweating. no dreamy physical contact and a lot of laughter for kai is an absolute libido killer, if not the ultimate deal-breaker, the #1 reason to nag, his princely pet peeve. he needs something to smile about, and he needs comfort. both for the soul and body. you embrace him a lot, cheer him up, and make sure he feels very warm. kai gets cold so easily, it’s ridiculous. heated blankets all the way, baby. the DFB socks stay on during sex. heating bill off the charts. kai wants to have sex not to go from feeling unwell to elated, but he wants everything to feel nice throughout. it’s an extra effort to make sure the atmosphere is perfect, but your boyfriend needs his safe haven like that.

on top of that, he simply cannot have a good romp if he’s worried and preoccupied. kai lukas havertz turns into a sexless creature whenever he’s got a lot on his mind. the stress just kills his boner, and a person who would dismiss him emotionally? wouldn’t even get in the proximity of his pants. he loves you because you get his feelings and opinions most importantly. kai would not go to bed with someone who gave him real weird vibes, even if it was just all carnal, no strings attached. like picture someone who would mistreat animals in front of his eyes. oh my god. or someone who didn’t think about the environment, or tried to be pushy taking advantage when he was feeling messed up. kai is often level-headed, he tries his best thinking positively, but he has his ups and downs, too. he’s your hero for overcoming them. it would suck ass if someone was manipulating that for their own benefits. kai knows he’s someone who has something to offer, so he has to give it very carefully. if you think about it, he has a lot to lose, and it would be easy to break his heart. his sarcasm can only shield him so far. i know this sounds like a lot but yes, kai needs to be touched with velvet gloves; his feelings have to be protected from being played with.

if he were single at this point in time, he would go as far as being drunk and allowing someone to grind up on his lap, but… as soon as he’d trail to a backroom with them and a moment of sobriety would hit, kai’s mood would be ruined if they were not having a working conversation. if he asked them what they would like him to do and got an ‚umm… whatever you want!‘ in reply, he’d feel frustrated. maybe it has something to do with how he’s used to having managers and mentors all his life, since day one. he isn’t wired to say, „that’s how it’s done, deal with it“. to a certain extent, kai needs a partner who tells him what to do. that turns him on. all else is just the cruel underchallenging of a pretty bottom (perfect title for his autobiography so far, would be a million seller).

monk havertz innocentius also descends from his cloister when the weather is too sunny to be ignored. leaving the house and fooling around outdoors together is really important to him. he’s a dog person, remember. if the rain stops in england, the sex can wait. he’s gonna take his less expensive football with him, the one you can kick into some river or a pit of mud from hell. you drive to a hidden place without paparazzi and have endless fun practicing super long passes on a random meadow, somewhere out there. that’s his next best-kept secret: because he can pick up your wonky crosses and strangely angled shots, kai is perfectly prepared to outsmart and anticipate even the most difficult rival teams. like. kai can run after any mile high shot you’re giving him, and even throws himself into said river to retrieve the ball (sexy. he’s hotter than daniel craig crawling back on land with that shirt sopping wet).

mind you: even if it’s tempting, you’re not mad that kai is arguably a hundred times better than you. who cares. you allow each other to shine in your own ways. there are plenty of things and situations where kai needs your input. for instance, when it comes to telling an actual, well-crafted dad joke. his are still a little lame, he admits to it. in any case, i know, this bullet point escalates into a drag-em-all buffet like it’s atleti’s defense. what i wanted to say is that sure, kai is easy to envy, but also easy to cheer on. he doesn’t roast you for looking like the harry maguire to his kevin de bruyne, but works with what you have, and it’s just outdoors football for fun anyways. you’re not a professional player, he has to be the one downsizing his skill here.

talk about envy. you might be playing outside a lot, but you also play… inside. all your friends wish they had their own personal habsburgian heir to go down on them like it’s a won world cup final. everybody wants a kai clone. oh yes. the sexual duality extends to oral in particular. admit you’ve noticed this about him already, you perv. he has a thing for that. one hundred percent. this guy is so possessed by the holy spirit of saliva, blink twice and he’s scoring with a header two times a night. we know that’s kai’s specialty. that’s why everybody wants a piece of your bf, bestie, haven’t you noticed. his rowdy daring tongue knows no time-out.

like. it begs to see the light of day all the time. why is it always hanging out right in everyone’s face, oh my god. it’s naughty, i told you he’s havertz thee stallion. but to your knowledge, that’s his intricate courtship ritual. the more he sticks it out: the more he’s down bad. hold on to your labia because santa kai is coming to town, ready to bestow you with the gift of being a slobbery maniac at cunnilingus. everybody knows that kai is not a coward. and anyone can guess he’s really unusally messy. and even if he was all neat and virginal in the beginning. that the royal ruler of havertia is in the vicinity of crazy people that radiate „i give so much head, it made me nuts“ energy — and i mean the likes of kepa, and out-of-control specimen going by supposedly biblical names such as joshua — literally does not help. one day, kai is gonna feel inspired and lose his mind completely as well.

someone’s gonna go all out between those lovely legs of yours. not an ounce of hesitation from the very start. he’s konfident with a k like kai. he literally knows he’s not gonna embarrass himself. zero performance anxiety, let’s-a-fucking go. this face is an expensive sex toy, and this man is a pussy worshipping machine. at full throttle. how much more can he scream at the top of his lungs that he wants to please and spoil you so fucking badly. his eye contact is going to drive you up the wall, the feel of his nose, the curls between your fingers. oh, have mercy. the curls. the curls! the waves at the shore of the habsburgian empire. he wants you to grip and tug at them, how else are they so long and grabbable. thanks, you’re dripping wet by that thought alone when he’s not home on saturdays.

and that’s only the beginning. he pulls out every ace from up those long ass sleeves he got. kai is gonna wind his whole face around to get fucking covered in you. you know what i’m talking about. he really does that. jesus christ my sire, please don’t get an eye infection. he really knows no bounds to his debauchery. the man who routinely wants to be held carefully in your arms for the entirety of a bus ride is really gonna suck and nip and dip at your clit until you’re screaming out loud. oh, kai. you relentless bitch. but as beyoncé sang. it feels so good to be alive.

a toast to this oral aficionado. this is truly the hardest-working mouth at cobham and we all know it doesn’t mean talkativeness, kai is just impossibly eager to feel you writhe and cum on his tongue between matchdays. yep, i said it. he is that type. he can’t imagine life without giving head. he would just give up, retire himself into a remote barn in the west german countryside, and dry some straw for donkeys to chew on until he’s old and grey. no head, no fun. even if kai’s a little tired, he won’t let that shit stop him. he’s firmly convinced you always deserve your treat, and he’s gonna carpe diem with the limited time you have together. definitely an orgasm chaser here, louder harder stronger, that’s not for everyone. but he’s always aiming high because he wants to make you blissful, and knowing his lil’ weirdo brain inside out: you date him exactly because he works that way. what counts is, you’re moaning and you’re ascending and you’re getting noisy as hell, saint joshua would be so proud of you.

in comes the uno reverse card! you almost forgot this post is about duality, did ya. kai is also one hell of a bj enthusiast like no other. there’s no denying. he’s no less capable on the receiving end: and yes, he considers it hard work. pun intended. boy can keep it hard for minutes and minutes and minutes. the rest is up to you. do whatever you want on and with and to that dick. he does not care. whatever outlandish kinky things you’ve read about in this or that pseudo-scientific article, he’s there to satisfy your greed. come on, i told you he’s a boy toy bottom. kai has huge standards for his own methods, but here? even being completely off with your skills doesn’t faze him. extraterrestrial sounds, bad technique, awkward speed, fuck it. kai says who cares, the fact that it’s resembling a blowjob is enough. if it’s your lips, your throat, your tongue, your chin, your spit, going all over him — he’s in habsburg heaven. his arms are limp on the bed as are his legs, a starfish par excellence. prince kai havertz is actually /pillow/ prince kai. it’s kinda cute, but also hot how he surrenders.

just do your thing how you see fit. he’s dying. crumbling. suffering. disintegrating. corroding to igneous dust. people think that supposedly, kai’s inner spirit already left his body anyway, but this is actually where it happens. he’s very sensitive to having someone really suck him off, especially after a shower when he feels nice and warm and comfortable. and, just so you know, like a true german: he will nitpick with the terminology (ah yes, the return of bitchy kai): „a blowjob is not a deepthroat session is not a facefuck!“ mh, very true, king, very true. these are all different disciplines. you can show him you know which one is which. nuance scores the goal, as does strawberry flavored lube. eureka, what a nice invention, makes the ample buffet even tastier. he’s all groomed and shaved, imagine the glide.

by the way. you will find firsthand factual evidence that he can work his hips for 45 minutes times straight. like not just bucking. really all-out moving like a serpent because this man is a desperate grunting hoe for you. he’s terribly, terribly slutty, like… look at him. your honor, he is thirstier than thomas müller after a match of carrying the entire national team on his back. they’re paying the prince a lot of money so he is able to muster that stamina on the pitch, so you can hold it against him (well — playfully of course). no problem: kai likes a challenge. a good facefuck that lasts a halftime? let’s plot out some stable positions and take it slow. his arms are long enough to reach your clit, he’s gonna have you soaked on either end. he has figured out the right amount of being all inside of you rested across your tongue, or pulled out in the right moments so you can toy around with all the length he’s giving, and kiss it, and lick it good, and tell him exactly how he should move. duh, he’s gonna be like say no more, let me do it for ya.

kai havertz 29 should be kai havertz 69, i’m serious. for a madman sucker of this scope, eating you out while feeling your lips on his tip? he’ll never be the same. 45 minutes, jot that down. to be entirely truthful, yes, he’ll look like you murdered him in cold blood afterwards because he really puts his heart into the flow. but it’ll be worth it. even if that’s going to surprise you, he’s gonna cry his eyes out because it was so unbelievable, and needs some major personal attention, you know, ASMR time. kai and aftercare are inseparable.

and on your part? perfectly happy. you never had to chug this much water in preparation, you never tasted that much prime dick all your life, your lips have never felt stimulated like that, and you haven’t heard a guy moan and gyrate his soul out like this. you’ll never catch yourself mumbling „mh, mh, so good“ like that elsewhere. if you can mumble at all, that is. no time for talk, you want to be busy with your mouth in a different way. that dick is so hard and pretty and flushed and basically „hi, working hours open again!“ because hey. he loves you so much.

all tension will have left your either bodies and you can sleep tight like angels after cleaning up. second shower for kai? even better, he’s snug and warm again. but don’t you think it has to be a marathon every time, okay. here goes the duality all over. if you want ten minutes of intensity and rush, kai will sweetly oblige and ask, „so what’s on the menu, then?“. tongue in cheek, ever the pleaser, ever the teaser. i told you way before, you’re so lucky. quickies are not his top-most specialty, usually because he is the deep and steady type, and calm as you like. it’s you who’s going a little rougher sometimes for good measure, and he’s down for that. kai likes upbeat and energetic people. he won’t accuse you for losing your nerve, he knows he looks like a hottie. but he can catch up with you, i promise, five minutes and he’s giving you a whole damn bucket load to do whatever you want with: gotcha. the german punctuality of it all. with a schedule like that, kai has to learn being organized.

cum play is only the next conclusion to arrive at. the nasty brat is gonna slurp it all off your fingers. the duality of him means he’s not just a romancer but also, kai’s dirty, you can swap it around on your tongues and enjoy the amazing texture. this man has the most controlled diet in the world, baby. of course he tastes astoundingly good. and kai doesn’t have a major gag reflex, bless his horny soul, so you can shove your fingers in his mouth as far as you please. he’s just gonna glare you down and stick his tongue out like it’s nothing. he knows the shit he can take. pity there’s no endless supply of his cum, so he has to practice recovering quickly every round. but we know he’s the prince of recovery, so don’t worry too much about it.

if you really want to know the details. kai has one long veiny dick for the taking, grower not a shower. he has a tendency to cum in waves at once, six to seven slow twitches, with a silky — hah, got ya, this one you won’t ever forget — clean texture. you quickly discovered his favorite way of cumming. that would be you gripping hard above the base, sort of around the middle actually, and working with the upper third, without the lips fully closing so it makes a satisfying wet noise. he doesn’t need you going balls deep. the stimulation and teasing and lip friction are enough. so, among the big three, he likes plain blowjobs the very most, with enough spit and handwork involved. brace yourself, the moans will be heavenly soft and desperate. yeah, he’s extra, and he’s vocal. unless we’re talking safe word system, of course. not many words. they’re not needed. he’s an athlete, he feels it all in his skin and bones, and his kisses will always tell you what you need to know.

the afterglow is exactly as you’d expect. after a ton of shampoo and water went down the drain, you are the classic two-big-towels-wrapped-around-us couple on the living room couch. drying off, the dogs will still stay in the different part of the house, and you will lay there humming and murmuring in silence for a while just to cuddle it all out. but they will join for bedtime when you’re both tucked into each other's serge gnabry-signed stylish PJs. now’s the time to cling and smooch for like half an hour plus. after he’s done making some silly faces, kai keeps talking and talking, staying pressed firmly against you with his eyes closed. then you keep talking and talking, until you’re both drifting off into the twilight zone. it’s just a nice and protected atmosphere. the dogs are curled up on the duvets, and so are you underneath. sleeping beauty kai is back.

you went crazy in the sheets, and now you’re right there glued together. as the germans love to say: same procedure as every year. well, every week, in this case. when you look at him doze off next to you, kai’s so cute, like the senior puppy in this bed. like, a comically elongated pupper, 6’3 is one hell of a doggo if you think about it, but since he’s in a fetal pretzel position now, it sort of counts. it’s easy to snooze that way when you spoon him, and there’s nothing left to be desired. oh, he’s the bestest boy, you can attest. and you do realize. kai is an amazing boyfriend in more ways than just being really soft on the one hand, and super sexy on the other. it’s the whole package deal we’re talking about. it’s the truth, your tall loving prince just has a lot of good things to offer.

ao3 crosspost

››››› ♥ multifandom masterlist ♥

【 final note.】my contribution to mending the chelsea heartbreak, i hope you liked this wild ass ride and enjoyed your snack. excuse any editing/spelling mistakes or related grammar issues, i happen to be german myself 🇩🇪 thank you for reading, i’m sure i’ll post some more football stuff during world cup season, in the meantime leave a comment/tag or so 👋 - caro 

© 2017-2022 sugar-petals. all rights reserved. no reposts or translations allowed. all depictions are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.

[paradisetemporarilymisplaced]

So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.