#post vacation sad hours i guess idk man

[adampage]

haven’t been feeling up to making anything despite wanting to make gifs and stuff. i have so many different ideas to create (fancams, gifsets, fics, articles even) but i just can’t bring myself to like, Do Anything. I had a really nice time in london and it turns out i really love walking around and just looking at architecture. i am a sucker for old shit.

on the other hand, i’m signed up for my last class to finish my second undergrad year, and next spring i have to figure out where to transfer to. i am pretty happy that despite finding time to spend lots of money to visit places i’ve never been, i am still doing okay financially and i can still afford school.

it doesn’t feel like i do much, and i don’t think i do much. but i feel like people will tell me that yes, in fact that’s quite a lot. but i still feel this sick feeling like i don’t do enough, or i spend too much time scrolling my phone and not actually experiencing anything. but i don’t know. i guess life is just like this now. it makes me angry, frustrated, sad, but above all i think i am just tired. i don’t know.

i hope everyone here is okay, and i do miss you all.

[kirstielol]

personal rambling

so, to un-vague my other posts.. my bf lost his job.

out of no where. it was a really small company, wasn't doing well since covid apparently, so they finally decided to dissolve the company and let go of all the employees.

things are starting to seem less daunting now though i guess. the initial shock of it was super depressing last week. it was my bf's dream job.. the pay was insanely good, he was able to work whatever hours he wanted, all from home. got unlimited paid vacation, boss was super chill, it was just such a good job and it's sad that it's done.

then the fact that my bf is pretty much our sole source of income. i have my etsy shop but i really don't make much, it basically just pays for my hobbies.

and like, i've got severe social anxiety and agoraphobia. the last time i had a "real" job i was having regular panic attacks, throwing up all the time, and self harming like crazy. i guess i could force myself to go get something if we need the money, but fuck man. i don't wanna go back to that.

so yeah idk, last week we were just freaking out, worried we were gonna lose the apartment, who knows how hard it is to get a job in his field right now.

we're lucky we do have savings to fall back on. we've been saving up for the down payment on a house for 8 years now, so it sucks to have to start spending that money, but i think we'll be able to cut back on spending significantly, and hopefully not lose the apartment before he can find something.

he's applied to a bunch of jobs now. one of which his (former) boss knows the owner of and has put in a good word already. so i'm keeping my fingers crossed that it leads to something.

but over are the days where my bf can work whatever hours he wants.. whatever he gets next is likely going to be a rigid 9-5, either hybrid or on site? so our lifestyle of the past 8 years is over, which is sad. we had it so good. couldn't last forever i guess.

i'm hoping this new era of our life is good, and that maybe losing this job will lead to something better? i'm trying to stay positive.

[stereopticons]

tagged by @roseapothecary, ty petal!

nickname(s) - i don’t have a lot of nicknames anymore, but I used to go by medium!julie or mj

star sign - gemini

height - 5′5″ (I recently decided to stop lying to myself and saying i was 5′6)

time - 2:18pm

birthday - june 7

favourite band(s) - the mountain goats, frightened rabbit, the twilight sad, the hold steady

favourite solo artist(s) - man this is hard. noah reid, obv, but also julien baker, lucy dacus, i’ve suddenly forgotten every solo artist i’ve ever listened to

favourite food(s) - gimme all the carbs and cheese. pizza, definitely. and potatoes. and mac and cheese. 

favourite colour(s) - red

last thing i googled - an article i needed the full text of for work

last show i watched - i think we all know the answer to this is sc

last movie i watched - the last movie i remember watching was it’s a wonderful life (christmas eve) but I know I’ve watched something since then

lucky number - i wouldn’t call it lucky, but my favorite number is 23

when did i create this blog - i think i created it around 2016 but never used it until last fall (november or so)

do i have any other blogs - i'm a member of a rec blog, does that count?

do you get asks - only when i post ask games and they’re usually from the same people (which is fine!)

why did i choose my url - i have been stereopticons for a long time now

blogs who follow you - like 70? idk, it’s not many

dream trip - truly at this point i would take a vacation anywhere that didn’t mean visiting family, it’s been so fucking long

instruments - fun fact, i used to be a music major. clarinet was my main instrument, but i can also play piano, guitar, bass, flute, and tenor sax, and i took voice lessons. 

average hours of sleep - it depends on the night, but i would guess 6ish

how many blankets do you sleep with - depends on the highly variable temperature of my bedroom but 1-2 usually

tagging @patrckbrewer @jonathanrose @rosedavid @alienajackson @jettestar and anyone else who feels like doing this!

[lord-of-the-ducks]

Ok so I was pretty busy today, so instead of watching something new, I just decided to post the notes from when I watched Nosferatu back in July

Two things to keep in mind: there’s a couple random references to The Magnus Archives, so apologies if you have no clue who “door wife” is, and second, I took the first half of these notes after not sleeping for over 24 hours. I can’t remember why, but I had pulled an all nighter the night before and decided to watch and take notes on Nosferatu while I felt like I was about to pass out, so up until about halfway through the movie when I decided to stop and actually go to sleep, the notes are super weird, even to me. I can’t remember exactly where I started on a full night’s sleep, but it’s around the point where I start actually referring to Hutter by his actual name. 

Anyway, I watched this for free on YouTube and thankfully even though I was incredibly sleep deprived, I included time stamps. I’ll link the video that I used 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uNIajxOxdo

Takes place in 1838

“Nosferatu: Does this word not sound like the deathbird calling your name at midnight? Beware you never say it - for then the pictures of life will fade to shadows, haunting dreams will climb forth from your heart and feed on your blood”

Gutter? Hutter? Idk. And his wife Ellen

“The great death”

I wanna look like Putter. Or whatever the fuck his name is. He’s very gender

CAT

GOOD CAT ACTOR

I think the hair is historically accurate

Mutter’s face in the door is unintentionally terrifying at 2:07

I can’t tell if Ellen likes the flowers or not at 2:40

“Why did you kill them?” Ok I guess she’s sad. Shut up and put them in a vase

“No one can outrun their fate” bruh, he’s doing a light jog on a Wednesday, go away

Knock sounds like a name a nonbinary person would give themselves (3:29)

Knock is into the occult? Good for them

Count Orlok is the Dracula replacement

Knock seems to be the Renfield replacement and that makes me so happy

Ew capitalists (4:58)

Knock is not subtle… as all knocks are (5:10)

Stutter still looks like my ideal gender

“He wants a nice empty house” uh, same

Ok whatever this old house that looks like it’s definitely haunted is, Count Orlok won’t have an empty house. Because I’ll be there (6:19)

Wow Victorians just decide to drop everything and go on vacation (6:32)

“Land of thieves and phantoms” (7:01)

Ok the actor playing Ellen is great but Ellen, sit down and drink water (7:21)

I may or may not accidentally call Ellen “Helen”. I miss door wife

Who did Ellen dirty with those eyebags

I need to stop projecting myself onto Hutter and Helen onto Ellen

Ellen is “entrusted” to the wealthy ship owner, Harding, and his sister (8:52)

Ellen and Harding’s sister BETTER be gay

I want Butter’s cape… jacket… thing so much. New sewing project (9:22)

Look up the Carpathians (10:23)

These peasants are gonna tell Dutter spooky shit huh (11:13)

Yep. Knew it (11:47)

Nutter’s hair is actually really frizzy

“The werewolf is roaming the forests” (12:16)

No clue what the animal that’s supposed to be the werewolf is but GOOD BOY! GOOD JOB! (12:31)

GOOD HORSE ACTORS

GOOD BOY!!! (13:22)

I should make myself a scarf like Scutter’s 

“From the seed of Belief sprang the vampyre Nosferatu who liveth and feedeth on human bloode. This unholy creature liveth in sinister caves, tombes, and coffins, which are filled with cursed dirt from the fields of the Black Death” (14:19)

This is a particularly fascinating line to me. Vampires sort of lost their association with disease, at least the direct association, but it’s being returned here

Gutter laughing at the book and throwing it is very… gender? (14:49)

(16:08) Me at the AP/SAT tests

WHAT THE FUCK IS MY MAN DOING (16:14)

I want Shudder’s hat too

Heading over the pass is bad apparently (18:25)

BLUBBER JUST HAS THE ONE TINY BAG I’M SCREAMING

“As soon as Hutter crossed the bridge, he was seized by the eerie visions he so often told me of…” (18:53)

Narrator knows Glutter?

I wanna live on that cliff house

WHAT THE FUCK (19:15)

Count Orlok is so fucking gender give me that hat and cape NOW (19:46)

… They had inverse effects?

The fucking feather in the cap is such a vibe

Count Orlok is my gender. This… man gives me so much gender envy (21:18)

Count Orlok has some real nice shoes (22:01)

DINNER DATE TIME! (22:46)

Whoopsie. Cutter cut his thumb (23:31)

“You’ve hurt yourself… the precious blood!” The fuck? (23:43)

Futter’s reaction to the thumb suckling is priceless

“Can we not stay together a little longer my lovely man?” (24:16)

GAY. THIS IS GAY

Ok so Hutter is terrified, not because of Count Orlok looks like a raisin, but because of the thumb suckling and “my lovely man”

Gay chair sitting position (25:12)

DAMN ORLOK ACTUALLY DRANK HIS BLOOD HOLY SHIT! (25:56)

Stop showing off your pockets I know they’re actually useful (26:11)

Count Orlok made Jutter breakfast? Lunch? Idk. Gay.

That castle is actually stunning

“The mosquitos are a terrible nuisance. Two just bit me on the neck, side by side, quite close together” (27:46)

I really want Orlok’s coat too (29:20)

I swear to fuck if Ellen is Orlok’s reincarnated lover I will riot (29:50)

“Your wife has a lovely neck” Orlok I love you (29:52)

Orlok is straight up telling Lutter that they’re gonna be neighbors

Orlok looks like me showing anyone the unhinged shit that emerges from my brain (30:17)

(30:28) I still see Hutter and Ellen as lesbians and no one can stop me

“At night that same Nosferatu digs his claws into his victims and suckles himself on the hellish elixir of their bloode” (30:47)

How do they still have the book???

“Beware that his shadow does not engulf like a daemonic nightmare” (31:00)

Orlok I love you (31:32)

T h e  b l a n k e t  n e v e r  d i d  a n y t h i n g (32:21)

Helen smells Hutter being a dumbass (32:38)

Ok I thought that Ellen would be Mina since she’s married to the Jonathan, but based on the sleepwalking, she may be Lucy

Hutter being attacked is directly compared to Ellen sleepwalking. There’s a TON to unpack there (33:59)

(34:32) This confused me, but I think Ellen somehow led Orlok away? The way this was shot implies that he “sees” her

“The doctor described Ellen’s anxiety to me as some sort of unknown illness. But I know on that night, her soul heard the call of the deathbird. Nosferatu was already spreading his wings. At dawn, Hutter set out to investigate the horrors of the previous nights” (35:13)

I think Harding is the narrator?

I think I’ve heard “deathbird” used in reference to vampires before but idk

Ah yes, the coffin busting (36:35)

Collecting boxes of earth (37:50)

The way the coffin just jumps on and the horses ride off is hilarious

Hutter was brought to the hospital by a guy with an awesome coat (40:13)

Hutter is so dramatic I love them

Nothing good will happen to this ship’s crew

Comparison of carnivorous plants and vampires

Knock is under Orlok’s spell, definitely the stand in for Renfield

YES FLY EATER

Ellen? Pining? GAY (47:10)

Plague of people with wounds on their necks referred to as an epidemic (51:53)

Ships being closed if suspected of carrying plague

Sailor took ill. Won’t be long now

Can Orlok turn into rats?

"The death ship had a new captain" is such a raw ass line (58:19)

More sleepwalking from Ellen

“I must go to him. He’s coming”

I will never not love Orlok

KNOCK NO. STOOL ON THE BED IS A BAD IDEA

The stop motion is so funny for some reason

DAMN Knock’s getting bold

“Vampires can only draw their shadowy strength from the cursed earth in which they were buried” (1:03:28)

GOOD RATS. GOOD RAT ACTORS

Hutter got home fast huh

Orlok can walk through walIs? (1:06:59)

Very ghost like

Captain drained like a juice box

“Rats in the hold of the ship. Danger of plague” (1:10:51)

Everyone immediately abandons the body to avoid plague

Forbidden to transport victims at risk of spreading anything

Drawing crosses on doors (1:13:02)

Hutter forbids Helen from reading the vampire book (1:14:04)

Deliverance is possible by no other means but that an innocent maiden maketh the vampire heedeth not the first crowing of the cock, this is done by sacrifice of her own bloode" (1:15:06)

Orlok has just been…  watching Ellen?

OH NO! YOUR EX: (1:16:44)

Sievers???

Yeah. Leave her alone. Genius 

The town was paralyzed by fear. They were looking For A scapegoat: they chose Knock" (1:19:30)

This has SO much potential

Knock is accused of being a vampire

YOU'RE EMBROIDERING A LOVE LETTER?  (1:21:17)

I like Mutter's ruffle shirt

God this shot is cool (1:26:13)

Looks like Orlok was too horny for common sense

Sunlight vaporizes Vampires (1:28:36)

ELLEN SURVIVED HELL YES!

Or... not.

Shadow obliterated by the sun

[gryphsdeadbones]

Did you prefer Half Life 1 or 2? I got into a debate about it with my sister the other day, I'm curious what you think. (also I love your art so much)

WAHHH THANK YOU ;;;;;;

oh man i can never decide- even tho they’re the same series they give off vastly different vibes-

i really like the retro feel of half life 1 games, being released in ‘98 and all- theres also like potential for some of the protags (namely gina and colette god DAMN im salty its not for pc or included in the steam bundle)

they got potential to maybe...make a return somewhere if/when they wrap up half life for good (adrian pls come home). like y’know tying some lose ends than just one-off if that makes sense? if not thats okay too, theres always fanon

despite the rescas happening in hl1 theres still like? a sense of normalcy and stability somewhere. civilization still exists. you get to see gordons dorm room in hl decay. you get to see some of the security guards kinda chill in blue shift and even help you out in opposing force. you can do dumb shit like explode the microwave casserole

also the cafeteria is fuckin hilarious to me like

BIG TONY’S PIZZA!!!

even though the levels are designed kinda funky its like- you can kinda like??? picture life pre-rescas. gordon, gina and colette were all doing their scientist things. barneys just around making the best of his situation after 2 years in college (mood)

maybe its like the nostalgia factor. but its nice! even if black mesa is very fucked up and has a lot of osha violations stacked up

despite the background stuff in hl1 its also...very very lonely. the npcs dont follow far enough for you to save them and xen feels like a fever paranoia dream with all the dead hev scientists strewn everywhere

gameplay-wise its also nice to freely move around in cutscenes. adhd mood of moving around while scientist npcs are talking

i found half life 1 games surprisingly hard?? the use key is also kinda broken for me and oh my god i struggled a lot with the maps and fights ksjfnsdkfj

half life 2 on the other hand...holy FUCK the graphics are obviously better etc. etc. etc.

heres a random screenshot i took while in the metal coffin cuz why not

also this Death Orb of Oh Fuck

the use key is very fun too i hit many enemies with items and grav gun

gameplay-wise half life 2 is a lot more intuitive ?? and overall just better designed

theres of course an entire post about the characters- the cast is super super good 

and if i had to nitpick something, i dislike the fact that alyx and judith kinda conflict with each other for whatever petty reason (idk like those old ? ? cartoons or shows where the female charas hate each other for no reason?? judith could be like a cool aunt to alyx ok) idk maybe thats just me. anyway i love them and want them to be happy

eli and isaac ;__; i also care them... eli’s been through so goddamn much, lost so much in black mesa... please give him a nice vacation ok!! i also want to know more about azian vance... isaac kleiner is a very kind and sweet man and im always sad when magnusson yells at him :(

barney is there i guess. ok but hes good too even if he yells at me about those stupid grenades and snipers. give him a god damn hug bro its been 20 years

anyway MEGA upgrade of the cast from hl1 theyre no longer static, one-off characters (the core cast at least. i get so fuckin sad when the resistance members dont survive the fights T_T)

makes me a little sad theres no longer that old sense of stability in that world, everything’s fallen apart and gone and you always have to keep moving or die. as in like- there really is no telling what’s going to happen next since it feels all gloom and doom- animals being extinct, combine around the corner, old homes gone and dusted... pretty fucked up. your standard kind of apocalypse written in 2000s and what not

but there is still hope with the resistance. theyre your family and home now and its better than being alone

kind of inverse with half life 1 where like. yeah you’ve defeated the big bad nihilanth and survived the rescas but also gman stuffed you in the fridge while the seven hour war happens some time after

...uh holy shit this got long- MANY THOUGHTS....HEAD FULL....

TLDR THEYRE BOTH REALLY GOOD...half life 1 might seem like shit but it should also be appreciated more!! (Read: gina and colette half life decay pls and thank)

i wanna play all of hl1 AND hl2 again now thank u anon

[purplesurveys]

994

Basic Information

What's your name? Name’s already posted on my Tumblr but so that nobody has to check that anymore, Robyn.

Where do you live? I live in some city east of Manila, and that’s all you need to know.

When's your birthday? April 21st.

What's your astrological sign? Taurus.

Do you actually believe in that stuff? Never did.

How old are you? 22.

Do you have a high school diploma or the equivalent? Yeah I got a diploma.

Do you have an undergraduate degree? If so, in what? Yup. I’ve graduated but I haven’t received the diploma nor did I get to walk on a stage because of the stupid virus, but I majored in journalism.

What is your favorite...

Quote? I don’t have any. My brain doesn’t really store quotes for me to go back to; I don’t find the majority of them interesting.

Color? My main favorite is pink, but I enjoy looking at pastel shades and muted colors in general too.

Song? Picking an all-time favorite song is impossible, but for now I really like putting Hayley Williams’ Why We Ever on repeat. It used to be just a sad song that I love listening to but unfortunately the lyrics have since become relatable, so now there’s a sting whenever I hear it.

Band/singer? My favorite bands are Paramore and Against Me! while my favorite solo act is Beyoncé.

Book? I never had one. I was a big bookworm as a kid, but I didn’t get to keep it up as a teenager and now as an adult. Most of the books I own today are still just the novels I had nearly a decade ago, and it’s been a struggle trying to find a genre to get into.

Author? Same situation as book.

School subject? History. A lot of the social sciences are also great – anthropology, pol sci, psychology, etc. In another universe I definitely would’ve taken up a degree in a social science instead of journalism.

Science (chemistry, biology, physics, etc.)? Biology has always been a strength of mine and a favorite. I find memorizing terms fun, and I’ve always enjoyed studying living things instead of chemicals or energy or force or any of that boring stuff. 

Math (algebra, geometry, calculus, etc.)? Advanced algebra is fun. So is geometry, but only as long as you know all the formulas and theories; otherwise it’s so easy to fail it.

Language? I don’t have one. I think all languages are individually beautiful.

Operating system? Wow this is random lol. macOS, I guess. It’s what I’m using.

Instrument? I like the sound of many instruments, but in the grand scheme of things the piano has to be my absolute favorite.

Letter? I don’t pick a favorite letter.

Number? 4.

Car? I don’t know the first thing about cars but I suppose my dream car is a Mini Countryman, if that counts as a favorite. I swoon every time I see one in real life; they’re just so pretty to look at.

Pattern (polka spots, stripes, plaid, etc.)? Stripes are my cup of tea, but polka dots are also cute.

Word? The word that’s been my favorite for a while is ‘poignant.’

Animal? I love animals, but I’m biased to dogs and elephants. :)

Country? I don’t have a favorite country. That’s a pretty odd favorite but *shrug* I guess some people have theirs.

Drink (alcoholic or otherwise)? Water, milkshakes, and cocktails.

Food? Sushi, curry, cheeseburgers, and macarons. You can’t make me go with just one choice when it comes to food, my dude.

Restaurant? Yabu and Torch.

Website? I rely a lot on YouTube for my sanity these days so it’d be fair to call that my favorite, at least for the meantime.

Sport? If it counts, pro wrestling. If it doesn’t, I like playing table tennis and watching volleyball and tennis.

Flower? Peonies, roses, and sunflowers.

Ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream is a classic.

Television show? Breaking Bad is my favorite ever, but I also enjoy Friends, The Crown, and Bojack Horseman, and at one point The Walking Dead before it got honestly boring.

Shirt? I don’t really have a favorite shirt, but my favorite type to wear is anything sleeveless. I like giving my skin air to breathe, lol.

Shape? I don’t pick favorite shapes.

Eye color? Olive is beautiful.

Hair color? I’m indifferent to hair colors. Whatever suits a person.

Movie? Two for the Road and Good Will Hunting.

Gum flavor? Fruity ones.

Random Stuff About You

Do you have your drivers' license? Yeah. I had to get it as soon as I graduated high school because no one else was going to be able to bring me to school in college. I was in driving school like a week or two after marching on stage for my high school diploma haha.

Have you ever been swimming in an ocean? I don’t know if I have. In the vacations I’ve had, I don’t really keep track if I’m swimming in a sea or if I’m already in one of the oceans.

What's the last song you listened to? No clue but it was probably something by Hayley.

Do you prefer coloring pencils, crayons, or markers? Coloring pencils! I miss coloring. I just can’t see myself going back to it at the moment because I had bought a really cheap set of coloring pencils that have to be sharpened every five minutes. During my coloring phase I’m pretty sure I spent more time sharpening my pencils than actually filling in my coloring books. I’ve yet to find a replacement set with better quality.

Can you make any origami figures? If so, what? I’m terrible at origami and have always been. Even if I’m given a one-on-one session, I’ll for sure get lost early on in the process.

Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal? I never did. I always preferred pillows.

Do you get cold easily? I do haha, but I don’t mind it. I’d rather shiver or have my teeth chatter than have a pool of sweat on the back of my shirt from being too hot.

Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Nope.

Do you have great eyesight, or do you wear glasses or contacts? It’s very poor. I’ve had glasses since I was 11, but I needed them a lot earlier, like since I was 8 or 9 maybe. My mom refused to believe me when I started telling her my vision was getting worse because she legitimately thought I just wanted glasses to look like other kids. God, how shitty was that parenting? I can’t believe I just fucking let that go as a kid. My eyesight was getting increasingly blurry by the day and I stopped learning at school and her worry was that I wanted to fit in. I’m gonna get more stressed and hurt if I continue to think about this, so let’s just move on...

Do you know how to play chess? Never learned. I’ve watched my cousin play and he tried to teach me so many times, but I just never understood.

Do you know how to play checkers? At one point I think I did, but I didn’t enjoy it.

Do you like Sudoku puzzles? No. I never got the hang of that game either.

Do you like word searches? Love them.

Do you like crossword puzzles? They’re fine but the ones on our newspapers are too hard and use too many references or plays on words that I’m not able to pick up.

Do you like logic puzzles? It’s a hit or miss.

Can you play any card games? Other than solitaire, no.

Do you play board games? Hmm I played some as a kid, but I’ve always been too competitive and I’m never able to just sit down and have a friendly game so I’m not too big on board games now. I’m a lot happier sitting on the sidelines and watching my friends play because it’s more entertaining that way.

Do you do jigsaw puzzles? Not normally but I’ve been thinking of investing in one of those 1000-piece puzzles to take my mind off of things whenever I get depressed or when my mind starts to think about things it shouldn’t.

Do you listen to the same song on repeat for a long time, even occasionally? Yes. Sometimes I do it on purpose when I’m REALLY feeling a certain song at the moment; other times I don’t even realize the repeat button is turned on and I don’t notice I’ve been listening to the same song over and over.

Do you take any prescription medications on a regular basis? Nope.

Would you prefer to be too hot or too cold? I’ve said this a few questions ago, but too cold.

Do you like to swim? Sure. Being in the water calms me down instantly.

Have you ever been to a farm? I’ve probably been. I just can’t pinpoint a certain memory right now.

Do you like instrumental music? Depends on what the genre is, but I do generally prefer instrumental music when I’m working or have to focus.

Do you drink diet soda? Nope.

Do you drink soda? Andddddd nope.

Have you ever put Mentos into soda? I haven’t but I know what it does. There’s already like a million videos of other people doing it so I don’t need to do it for myself. 

Have you ever combined baking soda and vinegar? No.

Did you ever make Oobleck in science class when you were a kid? We never did and I learned about oobleck from watching a Good Mythical Morning episode, not in school. But I’ve always been curious as to what the texture is because it looks so fun to touch hahaha. I’d try making it myself but idk if we ever have cornstarch at home.

Do you know any HTML? Yes. Early days of Tumblr, man. People customized their themes and text posts all the time.

Have you ever read any of Shakespeare's work? Well, yeah. I had to read four of them - one for each year in high school.

Do you write poetry? No.

Do you read? Occasionally. A lot less than I used to.

Can you throw a frisbee? Sure. My friends and I played back in high school.

Do you watch a lot of television? Eh, not really. It’s rare that I discover a TV series I’m willing to invest in; I’ve always preferred movies since they can tell me a story within 2-3 hours. Following an ongoing show is just exhausting.

Do you think that you have a good sense of humor? Humor is subjective. I could mesh well with certain people but others might not find my sense of humor funny. I don’t think either of those can determine if my sense of humor is good or not.

Are you a mean person? Well, I try not to be...I think that’s what most people strive to do.

Do you have any bruises? If so, how did you get them? I have one on my knee because a few days ago I knelt to the floor to try to look for something under my bed, and I ended up landing on the floor quite hard and it was purple in minutes lmao. It’s mostly healed now though and I can barely tell where it is.

Does the thought of public speaking make you nervous? It only does if I ultimately also have to pitch something, because I don’t consider myself persuasive at all. But if I had had something memorized or had enough practice or if it’s a topic I’m fairly knowledgable about then I don’t have much of a problem with it.

Are you afraid of heights? It doesn’t bother me as much as other things and I’ve always wanted to go to the top floor of those towers where the floor is glass lol, but like I’d absolutely piss my pants if I found myself standing on a tightrope between two really tall buildings.

So, what ARE you afraid of? Flying cockroaches, plane crashes, and fire.

Are you listening to music? No.

Has anyone ever called you 'disturbed'? I don’t think so, at least not to my face.

Have you ever been kicked out of a place? If so, where? And why? Yeah. From a McDonald’s, but it was my noisy friends’ fault. I knew they were being loud (they were playing some card game) so I just stayed at the very edge of our table, pretended not to be associated with them and waited for a customer to complain about us lol. Normally I’d speak up and tell friends if they’re being too immature, but in that friend group in particular I was the shyest and didn’t really hold a lot of influence so I didn’t have much of a choice.

Do you take a lot of these surveys? Yeah I have this entire blog dedicated to just them, and even before this account I had another survey blog.

When was the last time you fingerpainted? No idea. Kindergarten maybe? If we even ever did?

When was the last time you sent an e-mail? Yesterday afternoon.

A text message? 1 AM earlier.

Called someone on the phone? I think it was around two weeks ago.

Tripped over something? I’m sure I tripped over Kimi fairly recently, like sometime this week.

Do you like chocolate? Sure but on its own it can be too sweet for me, like the Hershey’s milk chocolate bar. I do love chocolate-flavored stuff or if it’s incorporated into other meals or snacks, like chocolate chip cookies.

How many pillows are on your bed? Right now there aren’t any because I brought the two pillows, that I do normally have on my bed, to my desk where I’m currently sitting at.

Do you have any pets? Yeah one of them is licking their balls behind me. The other one is probably playing with their toys downstairs and miraculously being quiet this morning.

Have you ever been on a horse? Yep.

Have you ever climbed a tree? I don’t think so. Most trees here have fire ants anyway.

Do you like art? Sure do.

Do you use any sort of social networking site? I mean normally yeah, but I’ve deactivated all my accounts for the meantime. Depression is a bitch. I’m no longer updated on the news nor am I familiar with the trendy memes anymore but idk, this seems to be the healthiest thing for me right now.

What time is it? 9:11 AM.

Have you ever been in a car accident? Super minor ones where the car I was in only got a paint scratch or, at worst, a dent or two.

When was the last time you felt embarrassed? Yesterday when I almost sent a message talking about a certain person to that certain person. It was nothing mean, but I was horrified nonetheless.

Did it rain today? No. I’m not sure if it will but I hope it does.

Have you ever had a poison ivy rash? No. When was the last time you felt immensely happy? LOL Do you take a multivitamin or any other supplement? We have vitamin C tablets at home but I’m so bad at taking them. What household chore do you absolutely hate? Washing rags. Not really a chore, but once they get all dirty and I have to clean them up it just feels so icky and ueughdhffgbduifhsuf Tell me something random about yourself. I’ve won a couple of spicy noodle speed eating challenges. Can you cook? No, but I’d love to learn. Do you like to be silly? I’m a little more serious than silly for the most part...but when I’m in the right mood at the right time with the right crowd, I can be silly too. What kinds of things have you wanted to be 'when you grow up'? The first was astronaut. Then I came across this interview with a veterinarian and I wanted to be one too. Lastly, a firefigher. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah, lots of times. Sometimes it’s the only way to get to certain provinces or cities in the country so we’ve had to take boats for a few trips. Do/did you like school? For the most part, yes. I like that I made a lot of friends in school and I don’t have complaints about learning. What I hated the most about school is the scheduling, I guess. In my first school I had to wake up at 5 AM everyday to catch the school bus; and then in college I had to take several 7 AM classes and those were just the biggest, most inconvenient bitches. I also did not enjoy the concept of Catholic school. Do you have a camera? I used to have a DSLR but I’ve since handed it down to my sister since she’s taking up film. The camera on my phone works just fine. Have you ever been bitten by a tick? I don’t think so.

Have you ever seen a wild snake? I don’t really know what counts as a ‘wild’ snake but I’ve handled and held snakes before. Have you ever gone hiking in the woods? Hmm I’ve gone hiking, but not in the woods. Do you have a lot of friends? There’s a lot of people I can call friends, yes. We aren’t constantly in touch, though. All my friendships are super low-maintenance which I appreciate. Do you keep a diary/journal/blog? I have a journal and this blog where I write my thoughts and emotions down. What color are your eyes? Dark brown. Answering this yet again this week... Do you like snow? I’ve never experienced it so I can’t say. I think I would enjoy snow though. I feel that I’d be able to find comfort in it, like rain. Would you prefer to sing or dance in front of other people? Both sound awful. But I’d go with sing because at least I don’t have to move my body as much. Would you prefer to sing or dance when you're by yourself? Sing.

Can you spell really well? I’d say I can. I was really inspired by the movie Akeelah and the Bee as a kid and that made me want to be constantly good at spelling. Do you mind poor grammar? If it’s coming from a native speaker of whatever language, yeah. Like people who can only speak English but still use ‘would of’ or ‘I could care less.’ I’m more forgiving towards people who speak one language, or those who are speaking in a language they know they aren’t 100% fluent in. What's your favorite texting/IM abbreviation? I don’t have one. ‘lol’ I guess? It’s convenient. Do you wear a watch? No. Do you shop at thrift stores? Sometimes, if I find their offers interesting enough for me to want to go inside. What is your dream job? It’s pretty straightforward but it’d be nice to be able to work my way up and end up as an executive at a PR or media agency that I look up to. What is one thing that really freaks you out? Charlie Kaufman movies. Do you like bananas? They’re okay. I don’t hate bananas as aggressively as I do other fruits. Do you eat meat? Yes. Do you drink coffee? Yuh. I can go for a cup right now, actually...maybe when I finish this survey. Do you clean your computer screen often? Not often. Just every once in a while or once I start seeing too many smudges. Have you ever sneezed onto your computer screen? Probably.

Let's talk about numbers.

How many people live with you?

Four. We also have two animals.

136+95=...?

231. That’s essentially 136 + 100 - 5.

How many digits of pi do you have memorized?

Just the first five.

Can you count using binary numbers?

No. Never understood those, not interested enough to start learning.

How many states have you visited?

Zero.

How many countries?

Six. Would’ve been seven or even eight if Covid never blew up. I know my dad mentioned there were plans for us to go to Vietnam this year, and I also asked for a Thailand trip as a graduation present. Damn bat soup or whatever it was.

How many browser windows/tabs do you have open?

I have three Chrome windows in total. On the one I’m on, there are 13 tabs.

How many times have you blinked in the past minute?

I dunno, I never count that?

How many seconds are in a minute?

60.

Are you afraid of mathematics?

Calculus and trig, yeah. The other ones aren’t so bad.

What's the square root of 121? 11.

Sorry, sorry, the nightmare is over :) How about some more random questions to let you relax?

Have you ever read the webcomic xkcd?

I doubt it. I don’t think I’ve heard of it before.

Can you play an instrument?

Barely.

Can you read sheet music?

Not a chance.

What's your favorite kind of sandwich?

Monte Cristo! Omg, that sounds so good right now :( Banh mi is great too.

Do you have a bedtime?

Not strictly but I always try to get 7-8 hours of sleep on weeknights so that I’m sufficiently energized for work the next day.

Have you ever gone sledding?

No, I haven’t.

Have you ever carved a pumpkin? If so, what kind of face did you make?

Also no.

Do you ever make funny faces at yourself in the mirror?

I guess it’s happened before, but it’s not a regular occurrence.

Have you ever played the classic shaving-cream-in-the-hand prank on someone?

No.

Do you think that's a mean thing to do?

I don’t think that prank in particular is since shaving cream is harmless, but some pranks can definitely go too far which is why I’m generally not a fan of them.

Do you like cake?

Only very certain types. I can think of more cakes that I don’t like than the ones I can never get tired of.

Do you like pie?

Just savory ones, like chicken pot pie. Those are more up my alley than sweet pies, which are for the most part stuffed with a kind of fruit.

Do you like popsicles?

Sure, they’re refreshing.

Do you use the television or computer more?

Laptop.

Do you have a favorite chair to sit in?

Not really lolAre you getting tired of this survey?

It’s lengthy but I knew about it when I started this so I can’t complain about that; and the questions haven’t been annoying too so no, I wouldn’t say I’m tired of it.

Do you like to wear hats? When I have the chance to, yeah. They’re never a must for me though.

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?

Most of the time no. Oops.

Do your shoes provide lots of arch support?

I...don’t know. I don’t really pay attention.

Do you like to go to yard sales? I haven’t gone to one since I was a kid.

Have you ever had a yard sale at your house? I don’t think we ever did.

Do you like apples? I like some apple-flavored things like juice or candy. I can’t stand the actual fruit but y’all know that by now, haha.

Do you like peanut butter? Yessssssss. I love peanut butter and any peanut butter-flavored food.

Do you like licorice? Not really. They’re not common here so I don’t seek it out.

Do you like lima beans? It doesn’t sound like something I’d enjoy.

Do you like limes? Not particularly.

What color are your bedroom walls? White.

Guess how many questions you've done. I don't know either, so just guess. Before clicking on it I saw it had 200 or so questions, so I’m guessing we’re at the 180 or 190 mark considering how many questions are left below this.

What's your favorite color to wear? I feel prettiest in dark green or maroon. Do you tell secrets when people confide in you? I’m not sure what this is supposed to be asking, but I’ll give two answers. (1) I don’t spill other people’s secrets when they confide in me, and (2) When people confide in me, sometimes I’ll be inspired to share a secret of my own too, especially if it’s relevant to their situation. If I don’t think it’s going to be helpful, I just keep it to myself. Do you listen to your music with the volume up really high? Only when I’m extremely upset or furious. Do you like to try new foods? Absolutely. How many different programs are you currently using? Like applications? Currently, I have Chrome, Viber, and Notes turned on. How many different operating systems have you used? I’ve gone through Windows XP, Windows Vista, Windows 8, and then whatever updates have been done on macOS since 2015 - I don’t really keep track of their names lol. What time is it now? 12:03 PM. Are you wearing socks? Nope. Are you comfortable with yourself? These days, no. Do you lose small things (like your car keys) often? Hah, yes. Is your mind in the gutter? No. Have you ever broken a bone? I haven’t. Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? I’m a healthy mix of both, I’d say. Which is still a great improvement for me because I used to be an introvert all the way through. Do you read the dictionary for fun? I literally did this for a time right after watching Akeelah and the Bee and having that movie change my life. It made me want to join a shit ton of spelling bees, but my interest waned when I realized there weren’t any being held here.  Tater tots or fries? Fries, only because I’ve never had the first. Do you like to wear flip flops? No. The thongs irritate my skin all the time and they always give me wounds. Are you more of an optimist or pessimist? I’m normally optimistic but it’s easier to be pessimistic nowadays. Do you like animals? Yes :) Do you like little kids? If they aren’t being a giant, rude pain in the ass. Are you a 'people person'? Yes. If I can’t satisfy everyone it bothers me. Have you ever seen a rainbow? Sure. How was your day? I haven’t cried today but I’m still sad. Otherwise, I don’t have a lot of strong feelings about this day just yet. What do you plan to do tomorrow? I don’t know yet. When was the last time you did laundry? Around two or three months ago. Have you ever played Snake? On the really old Nokia phones? For sure. Have you ever played Scrabble? Yeah. I took it up for one semester as a PE, hahaha. I also played it a lot when I was younger. Are there any television commercials that really get on your nerves? At the moment no, but this has happened many times before. Do you like scary movies? Sure. Are you itchy anywhere on your body? The left side of my forehead started to feel itchy when I read this. What's the title of the last book you read? Midnight Sun. Do you read more fiction or nonfiction books? Nonfictionnnnnnn. Are you a member of any clubs or organizations? I used to be, but now I’m an alumna because I’ve graduated college. What color is your favorite pair of socks? I don’t have a favorite pair. Do you own a lava lamp? No. Do you have anything else to say? Thanks for serving as a distraction and letting me kill some time.

[abloomingperiod]

junmyeon as a bf

the softest of the softies

kim junmyeon is an old-fashioned guy

and i’m not saying that in terms of being conservative or anything, ‘cuz i really hope he isn’t

i mean in the sense of love

like you know that kind of person who dreams the whole picture

like

he dates for a reason

unlike other members, junmyeon isn’t the type to not think about the future

being a leader makes you like that

but this gets less harsh on him when u arrive in his life

yk that whole romantic comedy movie where a guy runs into someone and it’s this beautiful woman with the biggest smile and they fall for each other and shit

well.......not exactly your case

he indeed ran into you with an iced tea in hands

except you didn’t smile at him

you basically screamed “SHIT IM SORRY ILL PAY U BACK”

he got so flustered w your reaction like

this really pretty girl just offered me some iced tea”

he was all like nonononononoooo don’t say that it’s fine don’t worry aha

you kept insisting but were late for work so you made him promise to come back to that bakery the day after bcs he WOULD be paid back no matter wHAT

he didn’t feel the need butyou were cute and he wasn’t with a thick schedule so why not right

so yeah ofc prince suho showed up

the next day he entered the place and saw you

you were so pretty watching you crinkling your nose over the hot coffee in your hands was already a payback

a cute one

cmon he’s cringey give him a chance

you bowed at each other and he realized you didn’t mention for Once between the whole minute after the accident and his arrival abt his name or profession as an idol

which for him

was nice

not a big deal, but nice

after you gave him his iced tea he was so polite you actually smiled bcs ajshskjsks cute ?

and then you started talking for a while

you introduced yourself, told him abt your dream to become a writer someday and he !!!!!

okay junmyeon easy on the hearbeats you got it

he just thought of this as such a COOL dream

writing for a living

now he was like this pretty girl... is a poet

i know

lame

but he’s adorable so who cares tbh

he talked to u abt being an idol and how was the position of the leader

you listened to every word and even though you lost a fee of them along with the honey like voice and puffy cheeks of his, you loved hearing abt it

after like 2 hours he had to go bcs schedule

but before you parted your way you had to go to the bathroom

when you went pay for your payback iced tea, you hear a waiter asking “mrs y/n? i believe that for you”

no shit there was the waiter holding a cappuccino

you got like Dude. there must’ve been a mist-

you turn the cup and there it is:

“for y/n

i loved the iced tea but since my goodbyes were a little earlier i most definitely own you a payback too. how abt sushi? xx” and the waiter hands you a note with his name and number

and that’s how you started seeing each other

jun is a quiet person so he won’t be like vocal abt developing a crush on you more and more

it would b like

you guys would hang out sometimes

and little by little he would catch himself getting the heart eyes

like you’re at a coffe shop

you would get passionate talking about some movie or song and suddenly there’s a drop of coffee on the side of your lip. you didn’t notice but he did but he thought you looked so cute popping off about ur favorite music he would just sit there like,,, 💖nvm💖

and with those little stuff he would catch himself thinking yup they’re gonna b mine

so one day he went like soooo maybe i’m catching feelings i didn’t know this was happening sorry??? so i think u should know that bcs it’s abt u... i’m fancied by u i didn’t mean it to happen

like straight up he APOLOGIZED

FOR LIKING U

you were like goshkjsjksj so cute

and decided to play w him a little

“so you don’t want to like me” “NONONOOO THATS NOT WHAT I MEA-” “jk i got it i really like you too and maybe we could kiss to see what happens”

he combusted

so yeah you’re dating that’s what happened

so caring literally sO CARING

calls you on a daily basis when he’s away to talk abt the weather the boys his breakfast how much he misses you how he saw those flowers outside and it reminded of you or how he will bring you to that country when it’s vacations

he’s such a husband material fuck me

keeps notes of things you like so he can hit the high score on important dates

talking abt dates

fancy

i mean he’s bourgeoisie ofc it’s fancy

such a lovely boyfriend i’m actually sad

jun is restaurants with low lights, candles, roses and holding your hand while talking about how he never seemed to figure out the food app to find a cool place to go to so he just asked chanyeol with a pout on his lips

“you’re such an old man” “i’m simple it’s different”

on your 1 year anniversary he took you to a boat ride on a lake witha guy playing violin and wine and cheese waiting for you

simple my ass

keeps bringing coffee and flowers for you every friday night you get together bcs it’s your “tiny vacations” as he calls it

on weekends with you the only ppl he answers is either manager or a serious question from the boys/his family

and it’s always a short “yes” or “no” or “👍🏻”

fuck it he’s with his baby leave him alone

loves cooking with you

like fuck it if it’s not that tasty he just LUUUVES doing it with you

probably because he gets to hug you a lot

like you’re in the stove and he had already placed everything in its own place so he goes behind your figure, hugs your waist and places his lips on your shoulder to give you tiny pecks and praise your cooking

“junmy this is practically burnt” “you’re the best cooker i know”

once you guys were enjoying a whole ass week together and the last time you were together for more than a day were like 6 months before

you were so all over each other he went to do the same thing and you guys ended up making out in front of a precooked pan of french fries

long story short, your toasted it and only saw that coming bcs jun went to embrace your waist and his fingers touched the hot pan

“that happened bcs of you and your teenager behavior” “YOU COULD’VE MOVED” “I WAS TRAPPED”

so guess what you did after you applied some salve om his fingers

he was staring @ u all 💖💖💖💖💖

you were like ,,,what

he just shrugged and murmured “you’re beautiful”

that’s right

you fucked

not fucked in a Fucked way

yall made love

kim junmyeon is all about luv

i remember someone posting here that he probably fucked like white people and i-

that person ruined it for me

i hate yall

i will defend him till the end of time my boi DOES NOT fuck like a white person

takes it very seriously as he sees it as an opportunity to shower u with the love u deserve

on that day you actually convinced him you should do the hard work

HELL YEAH YOU RODE THAT BITCH

jun seems like soft dom for me like just bcs he’s in charge for most of the time doesn’t mean youon get to do a thing

that time as you rode him you got very like Very excited but you saw in his eyes how desperate he was to touch you entirely so you catch his hand and kiss his fingertips slowly

he kept smiling for you saying “god you are so beautiful” “i love you so much”

but you’re a little shit and always tries and bring his rough side out

so you open your mouth and lick his two burnt finger from the knuckles to the tips

he got so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not really a vocal guy

heavy sighs and low groans are it for junmyeon

very into dirty talk

but a fancy one

“does my baby likes it when i make her beg?” “look at me, love. do you want it from where i can kiss your back or your breasts?” “you’re mine to take and no one else”

we don’t support women treated as objects but this is a sexual environment and you’ve always consented him to say things like that in bed

he’s a gentlemen fuck it

once you were so horny you straight up said “i don’t give a fuck about formality just make me cum at least three times”

he got 😳 for a sec but got your point

not a rough lover but once you get in a fight

bitch

you’re both pretty mature ppl so every rare time you fight it’s very Very serious

will kiss you until your both breathless just so you can not even catch your breath bcs he will be kissing your neck and liking your skin

slaps your butt?

absolutely

a fucking lot

“funny how you turn shut the fuck up as soon as i lay my hands on you”

makes you strip for him

has a thing for watching where your bodies connect

call him baby and he’s got a 3 secs tops soft jun

like a little grin with puffy cheeks

and he’s back with the restless pounding

bathtub aftercare is a must

massages your feet as you talk sweet nothings for him

if you’re feeling feisty might get a romantic round two

loves doing it slowly so he can drag it to the point you get so hot and bothered you beg

“oh god- just please- jun, faster”

likes it when you rub his back after

get a shot of soft myeonie post-sex

lays in his stomach and quietly asks “can you”

you lay there also on your stomach and rubbing his back drawing circles and talking about life

once he got so full of idk emotion?? love?? idk never been there

he just poured a whole “marry me”

like dude.

“WHAT” “not today, like... in a few years maybe idk forget it”

he closed his eyes to dismiss your reaction and just felt a warm peck on his naked shoulder

“of course i’ll marry you a few years”

his eyes shot open like This woman. the loml. dead ass said yes to my hypothetical proposal”

he actually got emotional

“kajsksjsksjsk really?????????v

“yes really”

and there was a teardrop

you felt like dying

i mean I feel like dying rn

doesn’t say it but thinks abt having kids someday

and u know that bcs honestly it’s suho everybody just Knows that

his parents? ofc they know you

exo? absolutely sure they know you

“one day we’re gonna have a dinner on like christmas with my family and yours” “baby they don’t even live in korea” “i don’t care we’ll pay” “STOP”

really treasures your relationship like i’m not here to play games i’m past mid-20’s this is Serious

and because he’s so worried and serious he nevers seems to let loose

which is probably normal since he’s a leader

but it makes him so !! all the time u get worried

once he actually CRIED out of stress

and you ofc were there

you kept hugging him tightly and slowly rocking his body with yours kissing his tears away as he kept softly saying “i’m fine, don’t worry”

you didn’t stop worrying

you said “if you’re fine then i can stay here hugging my boyfriend”

he nodded and kept sobbing for a little while

his head was pounding so you literally laid him down and cuddled him in your arms, fingers between his locks and hot breath on his neck

he once said the sound of your breath calmed him

so that’s what you did

you calmed him

and that’s everything he ever wanted

someone to be there for him on tough times like he’s always there for everyone

he loves the fact you’re always so calm and ready to solve any problem that appears

he loves the calmness and ““““normal”””” atmosphere you bring to him

after all those years of hardship and responsability

you showed him he could be a leader and have more fun on a daily basis

he deadass thinks abt your marriage

like it’s barely 6am, he wakes up and sees you sleeping next to him, hair everywhere on the pillow and mouth open

his heart goes 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

his arms goes to your sleeping body

& his mind “i’m gonna marry this girl someday”

idk i feel like i could write a whole ass fanfiction of 50 chapters on suho and id still have 100 scenarios of him in mind

i honestly love him sm

such a nice boy

he deserves so much more

give lota of love to him he’s perfect

that’s it i’m done

[kellinquinnaf]

A bi girls story

As a teenybopper I remember fantasizing about boys and coming up with senarios in my head. One day it was randomly a girl in my thoughts.

In summer 2015 I kissed a girl “A” (my bestfriend at the time) idk why part of me just really wanted to and she kissed me back, a boy saw (an ex it’s a small town) and was SHOCKED but we played it off. Later the “A” and I are home alone and I totally kissed her, pushed her up against the wall and everything. She was my first make out too. Throughout the summer we would have sleepovers and make out and it got as far as being shirtless and grinding (and I came wtf??) The whole time we would ask eachother if we’re straight or not and I was so like mind boggled that I was like “im straight, and we’re just friends who kiss” looking back now we were totally girlfriends that summer.

After that summer I was at a sleep over (in the city now) with my straight best friend “B” (100%) and another girl “S” and we were all friends. For some reason we started giving eachother hickeys and my straight bff “B” thought it was hilarious but I was like so into giving “S” hickeys that after I got sooooo nervous. We were all laying in her big bed together and my bff “B” fell asleep and I was so nervous that I kept shaking uncontrollably and she kept asking why. We were cuddling and so close and I can’t remember what I said but I think I told her I wanted to kiss her and we did and it’s was so amazing. Then weeks later we all had another sleep over and I was more confident this time and I kissed her and she kissed me back but out of no where “S” got up and was all nervous and I was sad that it ended but scared that she was not happy about something. After that she moved schools and I heard from my bff “B” that she felt really awkward about it all. Then she’d start posting about her “gf” (it was supposed to be platonic to the rest of the world) but as she posted pics or vids of them kissing I knew it was real for one of them at least.

In grade 11 a new girl came into the school, she was short and had the best but ever.. I couldn’t help but look. We ended up snapping and FaceTiming a few times and she wanted me to sleep over and she talked about us doing shit. She had a boyfriend at the time and he said he was ok with her experimenting. I was so excited to go over, and she started snapping me her in the bath and then her tits but she started snapping me just her vagina and I was not ready for that. The sleepover never happened :/. Yearssss later I’m in the city at the club and she’s there. I dance with her can call her hot and she says something like it’s been a while. We part ways.

I had a few boyfriends / flings in between then and finally made out with some boys and it was all really amazing too! The next summer I didn’t want to go back to the small town cause I had met this guy “D”! But I went back anyways.

I got a boyfriend in this town in summer 2016 and we told eachother we loved one another a few weeks into dating. During this summer I had a little fling with a girl “J” who at the same time was dating my ex-crush of 3 years who his letter is “V”. We tried kissing in front of both our boys they were just like wtf ok.

My boyfriend and I went long distance for a year while I went back to the city for school. During this time I went to a party with a bunch of people from my grade and idk why but I started talking to this girl “H” and straight up asked her (while drunk) if she ever thought about being with girls and she admitted yes and I kissed her. People saw and she got awkward about it. Another friend who saw got awkward around me after too. Another friend knew I’ve kissed other girls and I told her I was thinking about this party girl “H” and she told me that “H” felt weird about it after it happened. I let it go. During this time I also kissed a boy “J” at a party. And more girls at a different party (including my straight best friend “B” while she was drunk. I convinced her to kiss me I just wanted to see how she kissed lol). When prom came boy “J” had a girlfriend and we saw eachother at prom with our dates (“J” knew at the time that I had a boyfriend when I kissed him at the party) he just said hey Sam and looked at me with side eye but flirtation??? I said hey back .. my boyfriend knew that was the guy.

Fast forward a year and I moved in with my boyfriend in the small town. We were completely in love until we moved in together. Things get hard when you graduate high school and move 15 hours away with your boyfriend the day after. I cheated on him with a man “K” a year later and again 6 months after that, with “D” from years after he and I were a thing.

During the second time I was back in the city at the club dancing with the cheat “D” and my bffs sister “K” (guy “D” had a huge crush on girl “K” for the longest time). I’m between them both, my front grinding this girls ass and my ass grinding on this guy. This is the moment I felt true complete bliss and I knew then in that exact moment that I was bisexual. I then admitted it to my bestfriend “B” days later, the first person I told out loud and she said “I’ve known that since girl “S” in grade 10” (at this point we’re on our second year out of high school) Guess I must be obvious.

This guy “D” though he accepted my bisexuality in the moment and made me feel empowered and turned on by it. He was turned on by it. It just felt so good to be with someone so open. Actually I had another boy “C” who felt the same and it felt so good to me for them to enjoy me just being bisexual me. (Funny story this boy “C” dated the girl I had kissed in the sleepovers “S” and so I told him about how we kissed the same girl and he was so horny over it ahhh!)

Bring us to one month ago and (6months after that last cheat with “D”) and I go to another party in the small town now. I’m fucking plastered but I somehow scavenge out the lesbian from the pack of girls who is “M” 😍. We start talking and I guess I’m totally attracted to her. I think I kissed her without her wanting it at first. I kissed her a lot that night. Everyone saw too. We walked home with everyone and I held her hand the whole way. We added eachother on snap.

I told my boyfriend long ago that I’m bisexual and he told me I’m not. I tell him again and he says we could have a three sum. After kissing “M” I got weird cause he considers it cheating and I felt horrible for doing it again. I told him and my boyfriend said “I’m sorry but Im not into that. I know some guys are but I’m not” I told him my fantasy of having us be in a three way relationships with a girl. He could have two girls to fuck and I could have the best of Both worlds. He could get us both pregnant and our kids would be siblings. He was not intrigued by this idea at all.

“M” and I want to hang out but now I feel like I can’t hang out with her cause I know I won’t be able to control myself. She came into my work the other day for a dental appointment. She walks in wearing all black, her blonde hair shimmering in the light contrasting to the black. She has a big leather jacket and a helmet in hand, wearing big black boots. Her colourful tattoos showing on her arms making her look so tough but artistic. We get to chatting as I show her to her exam room. She forgot that I worked there and I commented on the fact that she rides a motorcycle. A Honda 500 (can’t remember the model) - I tell her I’ve always wanted to ride but my parents never let me. I’m leaning on the counter trying to look chill and cool. She said riding a bike is the gayest thing to do (I thought she meant like “gay insult” but she meant “gay homosexual”). I bet the whole office could hear the flirtation and I only hope that they think it’s just banter. She’s getting ready to leave now so I pretend to busy myself with paper work at the front so I can watch her leave. As she’s leaving I walk to the back and turn over my sholder, us making eye contact and waving to eachother. I watch her ride her motorcycle with one hand after saying she just started riding and is getting used to it. She looked like a dream.

I snap her the next day asking how the work day is since I of course work days and she works nights. She replys with something calling me cutie and sending heart eye emojis. We flirt a bit more and she says she wants to hangout soon since she’s leaving for college again. I leave for vacation so I tell her aug 25th and 26th I’m back and can hang out. She said she leaves the 27th but can chill the 26th. I ask her what she wants to do (idk if she knows I have a boyfriend but I have to tell her). She says “I don’t think we’ll be bored😉”

Now I’m day dreaming about her and I have a boyfriend. I don’t know what I should do but I now know that the term “once a cheater always a cheater” is true. I know my desires will win. But can you really blame a Gemini; we are so torn between being two people and leading two different lives that we are greedy and take as much as we can of everything.

I also have a crush on my boss, a smart, intelligent, artistic and wholesome girl dentist, who is also a Gemini and born a decade and two days before me. This life is a struggle.

—

I’ve been thinking lately of talking to a therapist. My life is fucked up. I’m so torn between where I am and where I want to be. I don’t even know where I want to be .. I thought right where I am was it but I’m not so sure. I want to leave this town and go back to the city and go to school but I’m living the life I wanted here. I just don’t want this settled down family life just yet. I’m dental assisting without having gone to school for it so I feel like I can’t be proud of what I do. I’m a dance instructor with someone I can’t even handle anymore because of their greed and want to have my own control over it. I’m torn between wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to be single. Between wanting to be with a boy and with a girl. I miss my family but I moved here to get away from that toxic household (not toxic when not living with the parents). I have not been officially diagnose but I know I have OCD and trichotilomania (a disorder causing you to involuntary pull out your body hair). I only pulled my eyelashes but when I tried to stop I just started picking my skin and now I have the worst acne and scaring. I need help. My house is either spotless or a complete disaster. also I’m in the closet for most of everything and I’m nervous to what my family and coworkers will think/feel. Everyone else idgaf but when you’re so close and personal and you come out it shocks people and then the women don’t want to get to close to you in fear that you’re attracted to them. And the parents would be ok with it but they’d just be shocked.

I’m gunna ask the girl to hang out tonight and we’ll probably make out. Hopefully we fuck.

#horrible person

[cottonblush]

wild(t) love | zcl, kjw

❧ word count: 1,414

❧ genre: crack lmao

❧ notes: ohmygod i can’t believe this is the first story i’m posting on here i literally wrote this for my friend at 11pm yw rochenle!!

when you first learn that you’re going to be working at sm entertainment you almost cry

bc you’re still in college and struggling™ and this opportunity is a blessing

and you can’t wait to start bc then you’ll get to see your childhood friend jungwoo again

also bc sm is so well known you get to travel with the groups and your college will like let you make up tests and stuff

let’s face it sooman is that! powerful ceo

anyway so you go into it thinking oh it’d be nice to see jungwoo like once in a while

bc you were told you’d be the assistant manager for the rookies

but last minute they’re like LMAO NOpe and they assign you to nct 127

and you’re like !!!! jungwoo is in that group wow am i blessed or am i blessed

so like a month into the job you go to this meeting and they’re like

for nct’s next concept we’ll be going to a jungle to take the pictures we’re going for that wiLDT concept

and you’re like ?? i mean extra but ok sure

and the next thing you know you’re on a plane with nct 127 going to some remote jungle

you, jungwoo, and doyoung are random stuff and like gossiping

also jungwoo is hitting on you and doyoung like at the same time

wow we love a flirt

haechan and mark are having their summer fight 2.0 bc haechan said there’s no difference between coke and pepsi and mark is like sTFU U DUMB BINCH OFC THERE IS I CAN’T ASSOCIATE WITH UNCULTURED SWINE UGH

taeyong, yuta, and jaehyun are watching a basketball anime and do some complex handshake every time the protagonist scores a point

johnny is sitting there still giggling to himself about that time ten said john’s banana even though it’s been like a decade

winwin and and lucas are conversing in chinese and to everyone else they sound like intellectuals bc like,,, the chinese language sounds bEAUTIFul don’t even deny it

but irl lucas is asking winwin how many calories are in a booger and winwin’s like idk man i mean probably like 2 they can’t be that unhealthy

this in turn causes lucas to think that one can survive on boogers bc they won’t gain weight but it’s still food

and then winwin has to explain that you need 2,000+ calories a day so lucas would need to pick 1,000 different noses every day

taeil is still sulking about the fact that yuta stole the seat next to winwin from him

he finds a little bug on the floor and somehow starts an inner monologue like ‘i feel u my friend i know how it is to feel alone and unwanted and not appreciated like this one sided love is really killing us buddy’

but like taeil, sweetie, it’s a bug so it clearly can’t relate

and then taeil sees another bug crawl up to the bug and they creep away together

and he goes ‘oh i see… i guess i truly am alone’ and like a single tear rolls down his cheek as he pulls out his phone and opens up his sad violin music playlist that has like 600 songs

yall get there in like 45 minutes so you’re like lol they said remote jungle watch it be like some dog park

but then you get off the plane and literally choke on your own words bc like,, issa jungle

you guys are told that there’s a secret cabin thing nearby and members will come individually to the jungle each day to take concept pictures so that the group can have a lil vacation

jungwoo is supposed to take his pictures on the third day and it’s finally time so he, you, another manager, and the photographer’s crew drive out to the jungle

and take some saucy pictures

but then a problem arises bc jungwoo sees a snake (it’s actually just a vine that fell from a tree but you figure you should at least save some of his pride) and screams but like soft screams so only you notice

and he like zooms,,, usain bolt? more like jungwoo bolt

you have to go after him bc otherwise you would probably be murdered if fans found out you let jungwoo go into a jungle alone

and somehow the crew just assumes yall ran back to the van so they take off without you

so when you two get back you’re like uHHHHH where yall @ stop playing

jungwoo starts panicking and genuinely thinks you two are going to die and you’re lowkey offended bc you’re thinking ‘my survival skills are excellent thank you very much at least i don’t have a heart attack every time i see a plant’

but all of a sudden you hear this really loud scream

or it’s more like a yell?? or like a cry or a shout? you honestly don’t know

it sounds like tarzan though and you wanna laugh but are also worried at the same time

the trees rustle a lot so you look up and you see some random boy with like

grass green hair and he’s only wearing a leaf skirt and a coconut bra

and you wanna question it like why the bra?? bc it just looks uncomfortable

anyway so this guy is like swinging through the vines when he sees you and he stops and stares for what seems like forever

he starts speaking but yall cant understand him bc somehow his sentences are a mix of korean, chinese, and arabic

you know it’s arabic bc you hear marhaba and you’re like ayEE shoutout to my foreign language teacher in 7th grade your class finally came in handy

so you try to speak back to him and he understands you bc he just launches off a tree, lands in front of you, and speaks fluent korean

and you just go ‘bro what’s up with the arabic’

and he shrugs his shoulders and explains that the last visitor he had spoke arabic and taught him the language

you and jungwoo share a look like,,, visitor? does he have a house or smth

and the guy laughs and is like i’ll take you there!! but i should probably introduce myself my name is chenle

you guys take turns sharing about yourself as chenle leads the way to some mystery location

which turns out to be this giant tree house mansion

and you’re questioning him like did u build this yourself bc no offense dude but ur kinda skinny’

and jungwoo is just in awe and he’s like heck yeah he’s skinny! a skinny leGEND

chenle’s like lol no the monkeys built this for me

uh?? monkeys

and sure enough a group of about 25 monkeys comes into the mansion and like surrounds the three of you and starts inspecting you and jungwoo

one of them sits on your shoulder and chenle smiles and goes ‘oh great they approve of u’

and you go ‘oh that’s chill i guess’

chenle: yeah it’s great it means they won’t beat u with coconuts

you, jungwoo: um wHAT

chenle: [innocent smile]

anyway it’s been quite a day and jungwoo says he’s tired so the monkeys lead him to a couch and sit him down

and you and chenle just talk about stuff and hours go by like seconds

and as you two watch the sunset through the trees

chenle turns to you and asks

i know we just met but i feel like we’re soulmates and u get me will u marry me

and you’re about to respond when you’re interrupted by jungwoo’s slightly sleepy voice saying ‘heCk no y/n is mine binch back off’

and you’re like ‘guys guys calm down let’s not-’

chenle cuts you off and goes ‘yeah you heard her let’s be calm there’s plenty of love to go around we can just share her affection’

jungwoo agrees bc he’s half asleep and bc he thinks that the lil monkeys that helped him with everything are so convenient and he could get used to this life

and that’s how you start the rest of your life with your two husbands in a remote forest in an undisclosed location

and like yall don’t know it but the rest of nct is going crazy trying to find yall but chenle’s monkey family keeps them away so you guys can live happily ever after

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #177

“i get pretty just to fuck my face up.”

What’s your favorite flavor of ice pop? Strawberry or watermelon. Do you like animal print? What’s your favorite print? Not particularly, but I suppose jaguar. What do you think of foot tattoos? Surprisingly, not a big fan. It's gotta be cute, well-placed, and small. Did your senior class in high school have a class trip? Where did you go? Maybe? I don't remember. What do you normally order at Dunkin Donuts? Chocolate frosted. What do you drink with dinner? It varies. Can be soda, water, milk... Peanuts or sunflower seeds? I don't like either. What is your favorite grocery store to shop at, and how often do you shop for groceries? Sam's Club totally has the best deals, but I don't make the shopping calls here. Who is your favorite character from the last movie you watched? Uhhh the super paranoid lady whose actress is a legend. Where did you have your first kiss? What about your last kiss? His bed; airport. What is the last thing you spoke to your father about? Phone bill. Who do you feel you have the most in common with? Sara. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? Myself. Have you ever apologized to someone, but didn’t mean it? I'm sure at some point. What is the one thing that you can’t resist? Reese's, I sometimes cannooooot tell myself no to a Mtn. Dew Voltage, wanting to pet an animal even if it's dangerous, and uhhh I'm sure there's more. Have you ever done another person's homework for money? No. If you could play any piece of music on an instrument, what would it be? Teach me the ending piece from WKM on the piano so I could ruin myself further than just listening to it already does. Have you ever treated someone like they were nothing? I don't believe so. If you could ask 5 questions and get an exact answer, what would you ask? Oh yikes, deep one. Um... 1.) what is the cure for cancer, 2.) cure for Alzheimer's/dementia, 3.) cure for HIV/AIDS, 4.) how can/is it even possible to obtain world peace, and 5.) will I be stable in the future are what come to mind first. Does it frighten you when animals get into fights? I GET VERY SCARED FOR THE ANIMALS. When you were little did you touch just about everything in the store? YUP YUP YUP. Do you ever leave your drinks out in the open at a party? N/A, but I absolutely would not. Ever suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Yes. Who is someone you’ll always hate? No one I personally know. How many people do you trust 100 percent? Just one. I would include Mom, but I know she lies about Dad. Do you think you could survive a month of solitary confinement? NO, I really think I'd lose it and kill myself. Do you often start books, yet never finish them? I don't read, but I'd do that if I didn't like it. When was the last time you felt abandoned by someone? Idr. Does the sight of blood gross you out? No. Have you ever gone through a red light? No. Do you fail to stop for stop signs, sometimes? No. What is your favorite eye color in the opposite sex? Blue. When you are sad, do you cheer yourself up, or look to others? It depends, but I usually begin with the former. During which year of your life were you the most unhappy? 2016 can been damned by God themselves. Have you ever seen a bluejay in person? Yes. Have you ever eaten grass/leaves? Probably as a kid. Do you typically like green-colored candies? Yeah! Apple flavor is the bomb.com. Who is the most energetic and happy person you know of? Ryder, my nephew. Who makes you smile the most often? Sara Jane. :') How do you express your happiness? I'm louder, more talkative, goofier. When was the last time you did a good deed? Uhhh idk. It's a tiny thing, but I suppose you could count me getting my old man bub with arthritis up on the bed when he wanted up. What songs make you happy? Lots... Do you like to sing? Sometimes, but I'm not good at it. Where is somewhere that holds fond memories for you? Ummm the little pond behind the community college where we took our first prom photos. That whole day was just extremely magical, and passing it is a severe PTSD trigger so if for whatever reason we're driving past there, Mom goes around it. I did pass it a few months back when I was taking pictures of flowers around the college and I was okay, probably because I didn't even glance at it. What do you think of the gothic stereotype? # A E S T H E T I C Have you ever encountered a black widow? Yup. What scares you, more than anything else? Ending up alone/losing all those I love. Has an animal ever peed on you? Lol yeah...  Pet rodents have multiple times when getting them accustomed to being held, a puppy probably has, and Venus (my snake) did once after I held her for like an hour, aha. Couldn't be mad at that angel, she was obviously so comfy. What would make a cool substitute color for the sun? Pink. Is purple a good color for a car? Sure. Do you prefer green or purple/red grapes? Purple; crisper. What is something you like that is sour? Warheads. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some hot wings at BWW with one of the hottest sauces. When was the last time you had a real deep chat? Idk, I'm sure something with Sara. Who did you last see on webcam? I've no idea. Have you ever discovered something gross in your food at McDonalds? No. What’s your favorite flavor of Ramen? I only like the spicy chicken Yakisoba ones. Have you ever spent the night in jail? No. Name a really popular television show you never got into: Ha, a lot. Game of Thrones, for one, but I'd be willing to give it a second chance via more episodes and a different attitude and actually kinda want to. Sara, add that to our list. Do you listen to any unsigned bands/singers? Who? No, I don't believe so. I need to start listening to my old friend's band, though, because I really want to support them; they work so hard and are very serious about taking their band somewhere. Nova Mortis if you're interested and like heavy metal. What do you find really interesting? THE PARANORMAL, for one. Genetics, psychology, fossils, abandoned buildings and shacks, natural selection and evolution, outer space, differences in languages and cultures, and so much more. Who is your favorite video game character? Spyro! What kind of pictures do you post on Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat most frequently? I like never post pictures, but selfies on FB, then I have two photography Instagrams. Do you remember the first person you felt sexually attracted to? Seriously, Jason. Have you ever been on vacation with a significant other? No. Is there anything on your bucket list that you’re hoping to cross off soon? A lot of things, but. Probably won't be soon as many include travel. Of all of your friends’ significant others, who do you get along with best? And least? Sam's wife Kieley is an absolute doll; least, idk. What would your life be like if you had married your first love? HAHAHAHAHA I REEEEEAAAAALLY DON'T WANT TO PICTURE THAT KNOWING NOW HE DIDN'T/DOESN'T BELIEVE IN ME AND CAN'T COMMUNICATE FOR SHIT. What is the most difficult or time-consuming thing you’ve ever cooked? Would you make it again? N/A Have you ever had a platonic friend that everyone insisted you should be in a relationship with? Girt, hardcore. Eventually did, but we know how that went. Is there anything about a person’s sexual past that might stop you from wanting to date them? Yup: if they've assaulted someone, prostitution is involved, casual flings/one-night stands have happened, being/have been a porn star, cheated before. If someone asked your closest friends/family members what career path might suit you best, what do you think they would say? Like, everyone will answer that question with "vet." Have you ever considered “unplugging”/taking a significant period of time away from technology? lol nope I doubt I'd last a day with no technology. Do you use a photo editor? Lightroom, Photoshop, sometimes PhotoScape. Is your dad overweight? Quite the opposite. Ever been honked at? Yeah. Which do you prefer, doctor or dentist? Dentist; I'm never nervous for them. Name two things you put whipped cream on? I haaaate whipped cream. Texture thing. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Two meerkats grooming, done on a huge thing of burlap. What’s your favorite type of sushi? Never tried, never will. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend has had? Scarlett. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster? Yup. I had a long insomnia streak where I physically couldn't sleep without Melatonin. What is your current favorite song? I'm hooked on "The Bottom is a Rock" by Mother Mother rn. If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada. Do you have a balcony? No. Are you jealous of anyone, even mildly? If so, who? Yeah, my sisters, as well as some real successful friends. Have you ever done a craft you saw in a magazine? No. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Who is a singer that has given you chills? Celine Dion, Loreena McKennitt, Sebastian Bach, David Draiman, and Amy Lee off the top of my head. What act would you perform in a talent show? I wouldn't, I got nothin'. What area are you the most gifted in, do you think? Um... writing, I guess? Which style of wedding dress is your favorite? BALLGOWN BITCH Do you enjoy editing videos? Ye! Do you enjoy editing photos? Yup. Who do you think is the most attractive actor? I see u Jason Momoa. Have you ever been caught doing something REAL embarrassing by your parents? I don't believe so. Do you believe in reincarnation? No. Do you have any of your neighbors as friends on Facebook? No. When was the last time you thought about sex, or sexual things? Ummm within the past few days probably, at least briefly? Are there any flowers planted outside your house? We have a tall bush that sprouts big, pink flowers, if that counts. Does anyone in your family smoke? Dad. What was the very first election you voted in? I haven't yet. Do you have a drone? No. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? No, rather too shy. Were you tired when you woke up this morning? YEAH. I slept like shit and had to get up early for a VR assessment. You overhear two people gossiping about you; what do you do? I feel like I'd say something sarcastic to them. Or be more mature about it and ask why. Or cry. Are you proud of who you are? Eh, only in certain areas... Is your vision good? I can barely read the line below the big "E." So no lmao. Are you a legal adult? Yeah but idk how. Has anyone ever called you a flirt? No. What was the last compliment your received? The assessment lady at VR loved my hair. Do you know any sign language? No. Who was the last person to give you a gift? Sara, on our anniversary. Do you trust the media? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA BITCH NO. If you could kill off one species of animal, which would it be? Can gnats like????? not???????? Idk if they have a single useful function????????? What kind of cookies are your favorite? Chocolate chip. Who’d you last say I love you to? My mom. What’s the most overpaid job in your opinion? I'm not educated on this enough to give you an informed answer. What’s the last thing you wrote down? Working out a math problem during the assessment. When’s the last time you didn’t sleep in your own bed? Over a month ago. When’s the last time you heard a gunshot? Idk. Who’d you get mad at last? Myself. What’s the last thing that annoyed you? Bentley wouldn't listen. When’s the last time you gave someone advice? I think yesterday? Do you think you’re lucky, unlucky, or neither? Neither. Who did you last disappoint? Myself. Do you enjoy learning? Of course!!!! I mean there're subjects I have no interest in and don't enjoy, but learning as a whole is great. People say you learn something new every day, so what did you learn today? Well it was nothing big, but that I could return Miku before she got hurt since Mitsu didn't appreciate a new "buddy." Yes or no: eyebrow piercings? They can look super badass or awful depending on your face and eyebrow thickness imo. When I say The Beatles, what is the first song that comes to mind? "Yellow Submarine" even tho I hate that song???? In your opinion, what is the very worst type of weather? Hot and humid, especially with no breeze. Just no. You can only listen to 1 band for the rest of your life, who do you pick? DON'T MAKE ME. What is something that you had to learn the hard way? DON'T. THINK. A RELATIONSHIP. IS WITHOUT A SINGLE CHANCE. OF. SOMEONE. LEAVING. EVEN. IN THE MOST "SECURE" ONES. When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking? Ahhhh I'm not sure. Either something with Mom or Sara. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Mom. If your ex called you right now, would you answer? I don't have his number, so I wouldn't answer. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Sara. Do you want your tongue pierced? It is. 10/10 recommend for cute factor, but 0/10 for the healing process and pain asjfawiwo. Mine's through the very tip of my tongue and because that area is so sensitive, it was so painful that I became immediately nauseous. Pain didn't entirely vanish for almost two weeks. BUT I have zero regrets, so worth it. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yeah. What’s one thing in your life that you wish you could change? Financial position. Have you ever been in a perfect relationship? Ha, don't ever believe those exist. Do you still talk to the person who broke your heart the most? Nope. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Ummm I don't believe so. Well, I don't know if I'd take back going all the way or whatever the fuck that was, maybe I would. idk Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? No. Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? I'm capable, but I don't enjoy it at all. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Yeah, being in a shit mood and/or being impulsive with my words. Do you like french fries? Who the FUCK sayin no to this. Have you ever ate so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? To some degree/in certain aspects. Would you rather eat cookies or brownies? Probs brownies. Have you ever played a drinking game? Which ones? No. Are you good with managing your finances? I don't. Not in that position yet. What is the closest pizza place to your house? Domino's. Do you have any silly nicknames or pet names? Hmmmm no. Are you any good at drawing? Some things. Is there anything unusual about your house? No. Can you maintain a text conversation or do you run out of things to say? I think I'm good at keeping *text* convos going, surprisingly. Do you find it hard to talk to strangers, even people who work in stores? YEAH!!!!!!! Have you ever tasted goat’s milk? No. Did you ever take classes for a musical instrument when you were younger? Yup. Band member all through middle school, stopped after my junior year of HS. Do you snore when you sleep? No, but I talk a loooot. Who is the first person who broke your heart? Dad. Do you know anyone who has fought in a war? Jason's dad was in the Navy. What religion are you? Theist, which basically just entails me believing there's a god/goddess/some sorta beginning deity, but hell if I know anything about them. I make my own guesses. Who is the last person you gave a ride to, and where did you take them? I don't have a license or my own car. What is the last thing you untruthfully denied? Hm. I'm not sure. Have you ever ridden on a real train? No. Name ONE good memory about your last ex? He's absolutely hilarious and I miss hanging out more! Would you consider yourself dishonest? Not gonna bullshit and claim I never am, but in general, no. Do you tend to let people break through your walls easily? HAHA YEAH RIGHT. What are you superstitious about? Nothing. What is the coolest thing you can do? Oh boy, hell if I know. I know from experience people are often surprised how even skittish animals/pets seem to be drawn to me; does that count? Is there anyone you want to hook up with that you haven’t? Not my thing.

[sexxxlovemusic-blog]

Screaming.....

I really dont understand what is going through my head, because it's seriously nothing.... at all!! yet I feel like I want to cry all the time. And I come home to your arms and it all goes away. I'm going to start these stupid pills again, maybe if they make me sick my mind will understand that I'm okay and dont need them or something so I can stop having this constant war in my head. Fuck I have such a headache.... and all I want is the day to be over so I can fall asleep in your arms, even though I just woke up not to long ago.....

I just want it all to be over in my head. I wish help was more affordable. I could probably really use someone to talk to so I can get over everything from my past. I just want to be completely happy. I want my mind to just stop putting me in a dark place even though nothing is currently wrong. Everything is amazing right now, I live on my own with my one and only true love, I have a family and a job and a couple friends I can count on but dont see often enough... Yet i guess i just dont feel good enough to be a part of it all.. my mind makes me feel like a waste of space or waste of time.....

The other day I got a flower from my man, as I look at it now I feel happier and I know for a fact I am loved. And.... like I said.... everything is fine! So, why does my head hurt and not feel fine? I want it to go away!!!! I want to lift this darkness off my shoulders and just watch it disappear forever. Hmmm... maybe I've got like..... a personality disorder or some shit like that. My mind seriously takes me out of anything and just sticks me in a hole of bad and horrible things. And I can be perfectly fine the next day. And just keep jumping in and out of this hole multiple times through the week........ And I feel like I'd bother anyone if I say another word about not being happy when I truly have nothing to complain about....

So here is my rant of nothingness. Meh.... I know I reminisce about the past a little to much, yeah I miss my past friends and wish I could go back for some things to keep..... like my mom for sure is the biggest one.... And there is a big reason why these "friends" aren't in my life anymore and I just need to move on... I know that's not a healthy thing to do and I just need to keep looking at my future and stop turning back...... But my future scares me, I dont know where I'm going to end up, or how bad im going to mess up, if im going to end up with a cute family of my own, or if my kids are going to hate me, or if im even going to have kids........

Will I end up alone and be grumpy like my dad? Or will I end up traveling the world like I dream of doing and have the brightest of days? Or will life get the best of me at a young age like my mom....... It's so scary to think about.

I hate not knowing... And living in the moment is kinda a drag for me, doing the same thing every day, work, sleep, eat, clean, have sex once in a while, the most amazing sex I've ever had. Haha! But, yeah, idk, mostly the same things every day. Maybe I should get into drawing again. Or writing even... even though i am not good at them in any way shape or form. Haha. There's a reason why i almost failed every class i took ever. I want to see something new, go somewhere i haven't been.

Maybe this vacation next week, instead of going somewhere that'll make me sad, maybe we can go to something new. Granted, this place that makes me sad, it also has some of the best memories, it's my childhood, it's my family, its.......not there anymore.......

And now I'm crying...... oh how I wish it was still there..... How I wish my family reunions were still there, how I wish my man could meet all the people who are now gone forever....... The people who I truly loved most, the ones my dad got alone with, my dad doesn't like who's left as much as the ones who are gone.... I'm not close with the family that I have now. I'm the outcast and I know at least a couple who might be judging me for my decisions.... And all the people that are gone were the outcasts too...... my mom, the gay uncle who gave us the best times at the park, my.... great aunt?? I cant remember, but she was so sweet and lovable and cute and always took care of me when I fell as a kid, when she was gone, the house was gone thanks to her nasty daughter...... Then there's all the others who taught me how to play golf which is the closest thing I now have with my dad...... I'm pretty sure every single one is gone now......

I haven't seen any of them in I think over 10 years now..... sigh....... I wish I could go back and just see them all once more and give them all the biggest hug, I was just a kid back then and never got to tell them all goodbye....... I wish I could walk through our house again, play slapjack in the living room and watch the old VHS movies I'd bring every year...... I wish we could go looking for arrowheads again, and pet the horses or play horseshoes even..... listen to the heavy rains in the trailer. Or be huddled up close to everyone in the house as it hailed..... Listen to my grandpas stories again and pay better attention to them, I was the stupid child who always had headphones in while in the car so I didn't listen........or I wish I could play poker with him and my cousins again... I need to go visit him and grandma soon...... He can hardly talk or walk anymore so his stories are all with him now..... God damn.......

......There's just so much, my family was big and I took it for granted, I thought I'd have so much more time, and now it's not so much and it's going to be separated even more...... I just feel like I didn't get enough time with anyone...... I didn't get as many hugs as I wanted. And I know they are gone and there is nothing I can do.... but I wish there was...... just for a split moment even...... its just to hard for me not to think about them all...... I miss it all so much..... They need to come back.....

So hey..... that's where my head is..... I can probably keep going but this post is already long enough...... I am totally fine in the moment, but my past and my future have me in a turmoil in my mind.... there is to much I wish I could have back.... And to be with them again requires death, which I'm not quite ready for.....

I am pretty, I am strong, and everything is fine in the moment.... for the most part.. I'm gonna go cry for a while before work, then I'll pretend like I'm okay and put that fake smile on my face for the hours I am there. Then who knows..... Come home and cry some more in your arms. Or maybe I'll be okay, we shall see I guess...

I'm sorry this is such a long post. But I just needed to post something. And.... well.... this is it..... Thanks....

[thelastpilot]

Miss Me- One Shot

I was talking with @tides-miraculous who, while we were talking about criminal lack of Nino (and Adrien’s interaction with Nino), mentioned jokingly that Nino could straight up move to Morocco and no one would notice. And then I proceeded to send to a 4k word one shot about exactly that. So keep in mind this was all in a text long so it isnt fantastic and the grammar isn’t wonderful lol, but I wanted to post it anyways. (Tide’s commentary has been kept lol) ((also i know phones dont work on planes just let me have this))

Angsty Nino one shot below the cut

tides-miraculous

Boy could move to morocco tomorrow and you won't notice

thelastpilot

it would take adrien three days to notice he wasnt there

tides-miraculous

Adrien: *calls nino* " Hey, Nino you sick or something haven't seen u in a while

Nino: *hangs up*

thelastpilot

aw thats sad

aw that makes me really sad and i just had a whole idea for it

tides-miraculous

…listen

Why we gotta back the salt angsty

thelastpilot

bruh this is our thing, you say something sad and i make it worse

its always time for salt on the pain train

tides-miraculous

It's hella sad cuz man. Minus headcanons and crap we got nothing to back them up and be like "naah this shit ain't happening"

Cuz boi we know Nino cares. He got akumatized

For his frickin b-day but besides that nothing really on Adriens side

Not to mention all the hugs

Daamit Nino you're too good for him what is This?!!?

I'm so confused I'm trying to actually think or canon stuff to back them up and filtering fandom stuff and HOLY shit!??!

thelastpilot

He was thinking 3,000 miles. That was about his current guess. Nino awkwardly shifted the mishappen box in his arms to tap his phone awake from sleep mode, and looked for a moment at the photo of him and adrien on his lock screen. That was an old photo... Maybe 4,000 then. Nino tried to ignore it as he placed the last of his things in the car, taking off his hat and throwing it into the backseat. The car hadnt been started yet and his parents were still inside, and despite how crowded Paris was for the moment he was alone on the sidewalk. He tapped his phone again. He was bound to be halfway gone before anybody even realized

tides-miraculous

AAAA NO

NINO

U DEADASS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY

thelastpilot

He was 3,728 miles away before he got a text. He was nearly 4,000 before he got a call. and after that, the calls never stopped. Nino felt himself curling inward in the plane's seat as he screwed his eyes shut, furiously ignoring how his phone shook in his hands. Or maybe it was just him. He bitterly recalled the order to shut off his phone during flight and moved to unlock his phone, but even that was interrupted by another phone call.

He watched it vibrate for a while and let it go to voice mail. There were three there already

He was getting them from everyone now, Alya was sending the most texts, but Adrien was relentless with the phone calls. Out of everyone it was Adrien he felt the most betrayed by. Maybe he knew that...

tides-miraculous

AAAWWWW WHHAA

thelastpilot

Nino almost liked to picture Cat Noir showing up at the window of an empty apartment, he was just angry enough to take some kind of bitter feeling out of that. How he probably showed up to ask for a favor, wondering if he had been joking about leaving for good. His halfassed apology would have echoed back to him in the vacated rooms, the carpets dirty in the places where his family had walked for years and spotless in the spaces where his bed and desk used to be

Adrien called again

He didn't answer

tides-miraculous

FFFF

My heart I'm so sad

thelastpilot

"I can't talk. I'm on the plane" he found himself typing, interrupting the indication that Adrien was about to send another message. his finger hovered over the send icon, but he pressed it still. He wasn't sure what he was hoping for, what he could possible want, but his chest hurt and he could feel hot tracks of tears on his face. He was trying to be quiet, his parents asleep besides him, but his phone wouldn’t shut the hell up. It had always been silent before, it was only now that anybody seemed to care about reaching him

"The plane?" Adrien's text replied immediately. "You're serious? Nino please you have to be joking, I saw the place was empty but you just moved, you're joking"

"I've been joking for months now? Are you serious dude? You thought I was fucking lying?"

Nino wasn't sure what the point was in arguing but he wanted to argue. If he had the space he'd be screaming. "Nino," Adrien answered instantly, clearly waiting by his phone. "You're just gone? You're gone and you didn't call? you didn’t even say goodbye?"

tides-miraculous

I'm am currently in a quiet hallway at a cubicle absolute losing it

thelastpilot

That pain in his chest grew cold, and he shrunk even further in his solitary, cramped space 30,000 miles above the black ocean. and he typed out what he had been thinking the whole time. "I didn't think you'd even notice."

Adrien called again.

He didn't answer

tides-miraculous

Mother fuck

I am so sad

thelastpilot

He declined the call and typed out despite Adrien’s clearly frantic attempt to reply. "I've been packing for a week and a half. I was 3 hours into the PLANE RIDE before anyone even noticed. If you had even so much as spoken to me in the past two months maybe you would have fucking known about it. I tried to tell you and you were never fucking there. you dont get to do it now."

tides-miraculous

Oh shit go off nino

thelastpilot

Nothing. Adrien started to reply and then stopped. He started again but stopped again, and after awhile there was nothing. And nothing His phone went quiet, and it was familiar to him, but somehow felt even worse. The cabin of the plane was dim, and it was aisles and aisles of people facing forward into darkness with headphones in, numbly and distantly checked out from their surroundings as they waited and waited in perfect, straight lines. And he was alone in the crowded, dark space of strangers and cut off goodbyes and lost homes and silent phones. And he cried.

He clutched his phone and he cried

tides-miraculous

Lmao what the SHIT

Yea so Nino's heart died and I died

Thanks

thelastpilot

you're welcome im in pain also

tides-miraculous

Okay baby boy just go to Morocco fucking live it up. Idk fu slipped in his miraculous into his luggage and now his jade in morocco done

Come back for uni. Shits still bad between friends kinda but they bond as heroes

I'm trying to fix this

thelastpilot

i got a thing hold up

tides-miraculous

Please

thelastpilot

Agadir was a long way from home, and it felt really different in a lot of ways. Every way, honestly. It was by the ocean, which was new, and about over 50% of the people there didn’t speak a word of the only language he knew...so he found himself alone a lot. 'Nothing new there' he thought to himself bitterly. Moving in made it easier, he had something to do. He was out of school for the rest of the year and was probably going to start a year behind when enrollment happened again, so he had nowhere to go and no one to keep track of him. His father started his new job almost immediately, and his mother was wrapped up in adjusting. So when the few things he owned were set up and the last of the boxes were stored out of sight he would leave, and start to explore

About three months in he was running out of places to get lost, starting to recognize streets and having an easier time winding his way back to the dust colored box apartment that was 'home'. He would walk and someone might say something to him, but the words were rounded and he didn't understand them. He would then spout off the only Arabic he knew now. "I'm sorry, I don't understand" and he'd keep going

He was on the beach by himself, observing work day traffic on the raised streets when his phone rang

Nino sighed, shaking sand from his hands as he shifted his position to allow him to reach for his phone. He was working on figuring out where he was well enough to tell his mother when he looked at the screen, and his brow furrowed at the unfamiliar number

He sighed a second time, ready to rehearse his one line of arabic as he answered, saying plainly and without enthusiasm, "Hello?"

There was a sharp gasp, and then a harsh, familiar rush of desperate relief. "Oh god, you have the same number, yes PERFECT, thank god. Nino, holy crap I didn't think it would work"

Nino was frozen, the waves crashing a short distance away from him before he sputtered out, "ADRIEN?"

"Yes!!," his old best friends voice answered immediately, laughing uncomfortably, but still relieved. "It's me Nino. I- listen please don't hang up, I'm begging you give me just a second. Just thirty seconds of a call please."

There was silence, a thousand jagged emotions rooting Nino to the spot, but Adrien didn't wait for him, instead thinking aloud. "I can hear the waves. Are you near the water? Nino listen I-..." There was a silence, but in the need to not waste his half a minute he continued, the words rushed together. "You have every reason to hate me. I would hate me too. I DO hate me... but i can't do this. I can't just leave it knowing that I fucking did this. I made you think I don't care. I can't live with that. I need the chance to say it..."

"Adrien-…"

"No, I didnt come this far to have this talk over the phone, tell me where you are. I can be there in five minutes. Well, maybe a minute more I'm still near the airport-"

tides-miraculous

AAAWWWWW

thelastpilot

Nino heard something muffled, a female voice shouting something to him over the din of background noise mixing with his own ambience of the waves. There was another one as well, and then a garbled, distant message projected over speakers in arabic, and Nino felt his stomach drop out.

"Wait, you're fucking HERE?"

tides-miraculous

Yeas blond use that cash for good!!!!

thelastpilot

(Will continue in just a minute)

tides-miraculous

BRUH take your time

I'm still crying so everything's good

thelastpilot

"Where are you? the beach? there isn’t that much beach right how much area is that?" there was more distant talking, and adrien was clearly eager to move. "I cant take this phone with me. Give us just one chance, please nino wait for us we'll be right there." "US?!" he responded incredulously, but the line was already dead, the hang-up tone loud in his ear

he pulled it away from his face, staring at it in disbelief like perhaps it hadn't even happened. and just like that it was only him and the waves again, no other passerbys on his beach that morning

anyone who was on the beach might have seen something odd, streaks of color dashing past that weren't from around. a group of kids moving a little too desperately, dressed strangely as they fled to the coast. Nino wasn't sure what to do, getting increasingly nervous as he walked the shoreline, his hands balled up into fists in his pockets and his back to the north. minutes ticked by and his heartbeat was loud to him, and he felt that bitter, numb something crawling in his throat. all the harsh and hurt things he wanted to say

but as he passed beneath a weathered and abandoned dock he heard three impacts in the sand behind him, and those words died in his throat

he turned slowly... stalling by obsessing over the gradients in the sand. The pattern of broken wood, the stench of ocean draped around them and clinging to the dock. and three lost friends, letting magic fall from their shoulders and leaving them exposed in front of him

they all felt exposed, in the moment. at least, for once, the ground they stood on was even

despite all their intentions, and all of his pain, and all of the distance, no one said anything at first. They stood in the shadow of the dock and the kwamis milled nervously, shooting each other glances but not interfering.

the waves creeped up, and slipped away, and Nino watched them. after a while, he shook his head

tides-miraculous

THEY ALL CAME

DAMN GUYS

thelastpilot

"gangs all here..." he muttered quietly. After a moment he felt he had to add, "I admit... i didnt see this coming"

"We would have come sooner..." Marinette spoke quietly, her voice almost out of place in his head. It had been awhile since he had last spoken with her. "It was hard to orchestrate. But we were trying from the day you..." she hesitated

She was going to say 'left', but she stopped short, unsure of herself. Saying that he left didnt sound right, even though in literal terms it was the best way to describe it. but it made it sound like it had been his decision, that he left THEM. and that wasn't what happened

There was silence again and the three heroes seemed agonized, but unsure of themselves. They watched as well-worn anger passed across Nino's expression. "So what? What happens now, guys? Is this the part where you say you're sorry, and that’s all supposed to be good enough and then it’s just better? ..." his voice dropped, and he looked down into the sand. After a pause, "Coming all the way here is... not what I expected. but clearly nobody has any idea what to say."

The waves echoed in their small, dim space, and just looking at them standing there so unsure of themselves… it made him angry. His hands were balled into fists at his side and his body was tense. That horrible feeling chipped at his insides and it felt like it was suffocating him.

"Nino-" Adrien tried to speak next, his expression horribly pained, but Nino couldn't hear it. He spoke clearly enough by Nino realized in a flash of sharp pain that he was incapable of hearing it. He didn't want to see him dare to pretend. Like he was mocking him. "Shut up!" he cut him off, his voice hard and hitting adrien with enough force to push him back a step.

"I get it, okay!?" Nino spat at the three of them, trying and failing to keep his voice steady. "I understand. It fucking sucked but it always made sense to me. You're busy, you're all busy you have so much shit that you have to do, so much is expected and you have this whole other part of your lives that doesn’t involve me, but it involves each other doesn’t it? You have each other. That was enough for you, and I get it alright, I fucking always got it." He grit his teeth and he nailed Adrien to the spot just by looking at him... but his voice wavered. "It always made sense to me..."

tides-miraculous

On one hand I want them all to make up and hug it out but on the other... GO OFF NINO

thelastpilot

"You're important. You're important people with important shit and you got all caught up in everything else. In the fight, in the fucking powers in all the bullshit in EACH OTHER," he couldn’t help but add, throwing out a hand to gesture harshly between Marinette and Adrien. "You had other shit going on, you always did. You weren't bothered with me being there so I didn't bother you with leaving. I was surprised anybody even noticed."

He looked away from their expressions, his heart cracking just that much more. They looked... horrified, and he didnt want to see it. He didnt want to fucking make it easy for them. He was angry

tides-miraculous

NINOO

thelastpilot

"I was attatched to how it had been before, but looking back to some degree it was always like this and I get it. Once Alya joined in it was harder cause then I was the only one left behind all the time, but I got it. I'm not saying you should have stuck around. I'm not saying that you had to... i'm not even saying you owed me much of anything at all. But you owed me a goodbye..." His voice cracked and he folded slightly, fists uncurling so he could cross his arms, but it felt more like holding himself together. "Fucking listen to me... im sobbing about this shit again and I'm sick of it. But you fucking know what? out of all the people standing here I was not the fucking one who owed you all a goodbye. It wasn't me. You all left me behind and you did it way worse. You did it over MONTHS of just leaving me out and ignoring me and putting me off, if you were done with me you should have just said it...

The pause between his words was deafening. The dock creaked in the wind that picked up, the ocean churned as if it had been disturbed, and Nino, who was sick of crying over all the same things, cried. And he hated it. "I understand why you left me behind... but I don't want to hear you apologize for it. Because even if I'm stupid for it I still just wanted you guys to be alright. And if you are doing what you need to now then all the best... But if that picture didnt include me then you never should have pretended that it did. You made me feel like i was part of your 'team' but I fucking wasn’t and I GET IT, but im sick of pretending..." Nino raised a hand and rubbed harshly at the tears, angry that his hand was shaking. Angry that he kept crying like a child. Angry that this even still hurt

"I just wanted my fucking friends..." His voice shook again and he shrunk in on himself, standing on the coast line of a whole other country, out of place and lost and too far away from all of them, even when he was finally right there. "They told me we were leaving. they TOLD me they didnt ask and do you fucking know, how much I just wanted someone to tell. And I tried, for ALL OF YOU and there was no one there? cause there was never anyone there? I was losing EVERYTHING, I'm in this fucking place where I cant even speak to half the people here and i just want to go home and I cant and theres no POINT."

"I was freaking out and I just wanted my friends and you weren't there... so why the fuck did you bother? Whats the point of THIS!? Whats the fucking point of even coming when NO ONE HAS ANYTHING TO SAY"

there was a space there, so grand and torn that he couldnt see any way across it. and in a lot of ways he was looking for one. Nino wanted, in the deepest kind of honesty, just to go to his friends. He wanted to just pretend it was fine and be with them while they were there. He wanted someone to miss him, and he felt like no one did. He felt like no one ever did. He didn't want to look at their faces and play in to the fantasy in his head that they were sorry. He didnt want them to trick him into forgiving them. He didn't want to-

tides-miraculous

Yeas I read a line and think "wow my heart can't break anymore" then I read the next and I'm provide wrong

Just shit this is actually so heart breaking what the shit girl this is golden

tides-miraculous

"He wanted someone to miss him, and he felt no one did. He felt no one ever did" I AM SOBBING

thelastpilot

He felt them around him, Alya's face buried into his chest, Adrien reaching out, Marinette stumbling to be behind him. It was like something had broken further in that rift and people were falling, desperate to do anything. Part of him wanted to shake them off. But part of him held them too. He was too unstable to support their weight, all three of them speaking but the words not reaching him. As they noticed that he couldnt seem to hear they became more desperate, but Alya's words were unintelligible with tears and Adrien was too quiet, too far away. He felt like they were all sinking into the sand, and he murmured wretchedly. "I just wanted someone to miss me..."

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry," it sounded in a chorus, bursting through their sentences wherever it could fit and each sounding different in their voices. They spoke over each other and Nino looked at none of them, shaking with anger but not falling. They lowered into the sand and they supported him, kneeling together under a battered, ruined dock and begging for him to listen.

"You're right..." it was one of the first things that caught his attention.

Nino looked over, the girls falling silent and looking to Adrien. His head was hung low, sand coating his jeans as he sat there, defeated. Miserable. When Adrien looked up he met Nino's eyes, and Nino could see how far down it went. It was like there was a pit behind his eyes that sank lower and lower, and he said it again

"You're right... and i'm sorry... I dont know how to say it... I don't have the right words to explain it. We were wrong... I was wrong. But I can't do this. I can't stand it Nino, seeing this. You're in the wrong place, and you were scared and I wasn't there and I wasn't ever fucking THERE and I didn't notice that you felt like this. And it's my fault. But i can't let you say what you said nino i cant stand it. I can't stand you saying that you understand why we pulled away, because there is no WHY," adrien shouted, his voice cracking and faltering. "You talk like we were right to do it! Fucking leave you behind because of what?! We have no excuse! There IS no excuse. I left my /best friend/ to feel like we were better off without you and I CANT, I- I cant..."

"Nino... I don't know how to make you believe that I love you, because I gave you a hundred reasons to believe that I don't. But god Nino I miss you so much... I miss you so fucking much and I don't know what to do."

"... you were fine without me before-"

"I wasnt! That isn't what that was! You're right, we got caught up in all this other shit, I took for granted that you would always be there but I never pulled away because of- because of ANY of that shit you said, like we were better or too busy for you, too important. I never hesitated to believe that you would always be there for me and I forgot to make sure that you knew the same... I never imagined you leaving because I couldn't picture us without you... I know you don't believe me- fuck," he bowed his head, a sob wracking through his chest and shaking him. "I never tried to think about what you being gone would feel like because I never thought it would happen. But then I was standing in your room with everything torn off the walls and I lost it, and I lost you and you were thousands of miles away... I have no excuse, there is no excuse... but I've been desperate to get here because I couldn't let you think that I didn't care. that i didn't notice...

Marinettes quiet voice shook and wavered, Nino's eyes turning to her as she clung to him and cried. "We should have been there... we should have-..." she repeated herself quietly, desperatly, and Alya spoke into his chest, her words thrumming against him and her tears wet against his skin as it soaked through the shirt. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry DJ- I, we..." she sobbed hard,folding against him. She turned her cheek to him and said something that stood out on its own. The second thing that truly stood out. "I love you. WE love you. We love you, I love you I'm sorry I'm sorry"

Marinette whispered something and she wrapped her arms around his stomach, her face turned into his back. Adrien was bent forward over himself, but he was reaching out, one hand on Nino. Marinettes quiet, broken, wretched chant chipped at him, his anger and hate and injustice slipping through his fingers... like sand in the ocean. "We're here... we're here... we're here."

tides-miraculous

AWWWWW

thelastpilot

He was so far away, kneeling by the ocean with something too big and heavy to survive in his chest. He was displaced, pulled away from his home and tossed to the side and left alone in a city with foreign grating words, and cold, stretching oceans. He was left alone with the knowledge that no one would come for him, and that no one would notice. And heard the only thing, he had been waiting so long to hear. "We're here... we're here... we're here"

  ~~end of story~~

tides-miraculous

WOOT MY HEART IS IN SHAMBLES

Girl u deadass just spat out a one shot like it was nothing

AND IT HURT

ALOT

thelastpilot

... i kinda hate the mental image of nino kneeling in the sand of a foreign coast and above him it just says "i just wanted someone to miss me..."

tides-miraculous

STOP

[3ndoftheline]

Mistakes

Bucky x Reader

Summary: The risk I took was calculated but man, am I bad at math.

Warnings: angst…like to the max, character death, risking your life, all that fun stuff

Word Count: 1.3k (this is deadass the shortest thing i’ve ever written and it’s still over 1k lmao why am i like this)

Author’s Note: hi hello! guess who’s back and as angsty as ever! this is something that again was floating in my inspo tag and i can’t find the post rn but it is there so when it’s not midnight i’ll go digging through and tag it. ya’ll probably recognize the quote because it’s been through tumblr i don’t even know how many times? but i literally banged this out in like two hours so ??? idk???? anyways, feedback is always welcome (please do i love hearing what all of you have to say) and can i just say thank you so much for all of your lovely responses to Will You Stay? like, they were so beautiful they made my entire life like????? i love all of you so fucking much ???? i can’t even describe it????? anyways enough of my endless question marks, hope you enjoy!!!!

The first time, isn’t the last time.

The first time you risk your life it’s for a puppy. Small, golden, scrappy little thing. It’s caught in the middle of the road, yelping every time a car whips by. It’s flat on the ground, trying to make itself small as possible but at the same time sticking out against the pitch black tar. You sigh and drop your coffee into the trash before you run out in the middle of traffic and scoop the dog up before crossing to the other side.

“You’re an idiot,” he grumbles as he stares at the trembling mass of fur. You pout and say you’re sorry before you offer him the reason you nearly got flattened by an eighteen wheeler. He pretends to be angry until about five minutes later when the puppy is licking at his face.

He isn’t angry anymore, especially two weeks later when the puppy has become a permanent fixture in your home.

The second time, isn’t the last time.

The second time you risk your life is on vacation in the Bahamas. A little girl gets caught in the rip tide. Her arms flail as she cries for help but is drowned by the waves. Everyone watches but no one acts. You glance at the life guards who glance at the waves apprehensively before you roll your eyes and dive in. It takes you a while but luckily you’re a strong swimmer and within minutes she’s in your arms and safely on shore.

“You’re crazy,” he mutters as he rubs your back while you cough up salt water but his eyes shine with an emotion more powerful than you have ever seen. It only seems to grow when the little girl runs up to you and hugs you, thanking you for saving her life.

The third time, isn’t the last time.

The third time you risk your life is on a mission in Johannesburg. HYDRA had hit a biotech company and managed to steal information to a bomb that could level a small country. They climb into a helicopter and are about to get away and against Steve’s orders you jump and hang onto the runner of the helicopter. You hang on for dear life until you touch down. Your arms ache but you fight until you can’t feel anything anymore. But you have the files.

It takes them two days to find you. When they do they find you collapsed in an alleyway, dehydrated and living off of scraps from the nearby flea market.

“You’re so stupid,” he shakes his head. He’s angry but he holds your head up as you drink and brushes your hair until you fall asleep on his chest.

The fourth time, isn’t the last time.

The fourth time you risk your life is in the middle of a blizzard. It’s two in the morning and the wind is howling but when your phone rings you answer within seconds. The line is silent except for the sound of heavy breathing. He doesn’t say anything but you already know as you tie on boots and don your heaviest coat.

It takes you an hour to get to him. But you do. You’re pretty sure your car isn’t even parked properly and you’re not sure if you’re on the road or on the sidewalk but it doesn’t matter. By the time you get to him he’s already half way gone. You sit with him until he comes back to you. You sit with him until his eyes are clear and his breathing is normal. You sit with him until he’s yours again.

“You’re a moron,” he growls once his eyes look outside at the storm raging. You wonder if it was worth it but you smile anyway because you don’t care.

The fifth time, isn’t the last time.

The fifth time you risk your life it’s after two months of being locked in a basement. You have bruises on top of bruises, you bleed from different places every day and you can’t remember the last time you’ve had a proper meal. They pull you out every day and tie you to a chair. They spit in your face, they hit, they bite, they scratch, they punch, they shock, they twist, they break. You beg, you scream, you cry. But you don’t give them what they want. They want him but you can’t give them that. He’s everything to you and meaningless to them.

One day you’re bleeding so bad everything is tainted red and you can’t feel part of your face and can’t hear out of one ear. When you feel hands on you, you immediately start to tense and fight but relax when you hear his voice.

“It’s just me, it’s just me идиот,” he soothes you softly as his metal hand trembles while breaking your bonds. You fall into him and can’t find it in you to cry or make a sound. And you wonder if maybe this time, maybe this time it was worth it.

The first time, is your last time.

You risk your life for him and you don’t even think. You see him in danger, you see everyone in danger. But when you see him, when you hear the metal whir breaking through the clamor around you, you don’t think. You hear nothing else. You look at the five midnight black barrels of the machine guns facing him, glinting harshly and you just go. You think you can make it. If you just take that extra step, lose that extra second, you can make it. You two can make it out, together.

But you were always bad at math.

For the second you push him down you know you miscalculated. You don’t hear the shots but you feel them, ripping and tearing through flesh and bone. You feel the blood seep into the concrete floor. But you don’t hear the strangled sob from behind you and you don’t hear the hoarse shot. You don’t hear the bodies drop around you; you don’t hear the knife splitting through Kevlar and skin.

Yet you feel his hands on your face, your chest, your stomach. You feel him fumbling for a solution. He’s whispering fast in Russian, his skin flushed a shade of pink you’ve never seen before. It’s beautiful, really.

“You…you, you stupid, crazy, idiotic, moron,” he shouts with tears in his eyes. His bottom lip trembles and you reach to soothe it. Blood smears against the soft bristles that surround his mouth but neither of you really notice. “How could you do this? How…why, why would you ever you–”

“You’re alive,” your voice is hoarse and choked and filling with something you’re not sure of. It doesn’t even sound like you but he looks at you as if you were the only thing he heard. You think he says something else but the look on his face means he understands exactly what you’re saying.

He’s breathing heavy now. You can feel it in gentle puffs against your face. He’s shaking his head as he stares at you. He keeps shaking his head until his hair forms a dark curtain around his shimmering eyes. “No,” he whispers. “Not without you, not…please–”

You shake your head in response. “You’re alive,” you whisper as darkness begins to creep into your vision. “You’re alive.”

The weight of what you’re saying seems to settle onto his skin and into his bones because he’s looking at you with disbelief and wonder and fear and an ancient sadness that you feel deep in your chest. He presses his lips to your face and a wetness leaks onto your skin and seems to slide right off. “Not without you. я люблю тебя. Not without you.”

You clutch his hand and feel the black begin to spot his face, turning him gray. “You’re alive,” you say finally before your head drops into his metal palm.

Your first time, is your last time.

But God is it worth it.

Translations:

идиот

idiot

я люблю тебя

I love you

[chenderellastrash-blog]

82 Truths

Tagged by @withnosuchgrace who should be washing the dishes while ditching me but know I see what she up to smh... and @dragonsfire as well (I followed her a couple of days ago and omg such good quality content)!!! 

Thanks for the tag, too long but yeah Im too bored so that must do lol.

rules: once you’ve been tagged you’re supposed to write a post with eighty-two truths and then tag twenty-five people.

name: Angela

blood type: am I supposed to know that??? lol

nickname(s): Tange, Tangela, Tonks, Ann, Annie, Ange, Angel, Angelita, Angelain, Angelé, Angelik... this could go on and I wouldnt be alive to finish smh... 

r/s: engaged to my bed

zodiac sign: leo

pronouns: idek how this works and it’s weird to me but i guess it’d be she/her??? dont ask me Im still clueless

favorite tv shows: Im currently rewatching Digimon Adventure and after 18 years it’s still mah shit tbh. Besides that Im The Flash trash (even tho the last season was indeed trash) and I love Criminal Minds and basically any kind of crime solving shows... 

long or short hair: long, I cut it higher than my shoulders 7 years ago... NEVER AGAIN

height: 1,70m but every time i go to the doctor they keep taking cm away from me so... i might be 1,30m by now

do you have a crush on someone: Lee Minhyuk like a legit crush man... I dont sleep thinking about that fucker.

what do you like about yourself: hard question... nope... Ive been thinking about this for too long and nothing ycomes up... I guess I like it when I make people laugh even with my lame ass jokes, and the fact I can remember most of my dreams.

right or left handed: right

list of three favourite colors: pastel pink, light green and any shade of grey.

right now: eating: nothing I had dinner a couple of hours ago drinking: water how sad is dat i’m about to: watch digimon listening to: I Smile by Day6 kids: hell no (at least rn i dont think i want them now or in the future) get married: It’s not my dream but yeah why not? career: Im one semester away from finishing uni and I honestly have no idea about what Im doing with my life tbh

most recent: drink: water again... phone call: my friend, I wanted them gossip but she told me she wouldnt tell me till we meet up next tuesday :(((( song you listened to: Dumb Dumb by Red Velvet what a fucking jam

have you ever: dated someone twice: yes been cheated on: no kissed someone and regretted it: nah lost someone special: lots of times been depressed: Idrk I think not but maybe I have??? Once more, clueless been drunk and thrown up: ew no... I hate throwing up kissed a stranger: too picky had glasses or contacts: glasses had sex on the first date: not my shit broken someone’s heart: I dont think so????... at least not intentionally turned someone down: ???? cried when someone died: yeah fallen for a friend: the dude wasnt even my friend lol but I still fell for him lol

in the last year have you: made a new friend: yes!!!! esp on tumblr bc irl I havent tbh (unless my boss counts lol) fallen out of love: nah laughed until you cried: hell yes I have not as often as before but yeah met someone who changed you: idek how to answer this question Im just dumb found out who your true friends were: saddly yes, now I see I have really few but they are all worth it :))) found out someone was talking about you: my mom... all the time and some “friends” talking shit kissed someone on your fb list: yes

which is better: lips or eyes: eyes (but if we are talking about Lee Minhyuk, lips, eyes, cheeks and everything) hugs or kisses: both lol, but Im a hoe for backhugs so I think I’d go for hugs if I had to choose???:((( shorter or taller: I rather taller but if it’s shorter like Jinho I die bc if they smol they cute af romantic or spontaneous:  romance makes me throw up so you know the answer sensitive or loud: LOUD AF!!!!! hookup or relationship: relationship, I fall in love with the dude just by seeing him... like just imagine that... once more Im dumb troublemaker or hesitant: idk... I like none

first: best friend: on kindergarten, her name was Valentina but then she moved out of town, I havent heard from her since then :((((  surgery: none sport i joined: Judo bc I didnt have to run lmao  vacation: I think it was to Santa Marta with my aunt and cousins if Im not wrong????

do you believe in: yourself: pffff what’s that? miracles: yes!!! Im hoping for one actually love at first sight: well I tend to get obsessed at first sight does that count? heaven: yes

extras: how many people from your fb list do you know irl: I think maybe an 80 or 90%??? There was this time when I added random people from YouNow and shit hahahahaha for the third time, I am dumb, and I have some internet friends Im really close to. do you have any pets: not anymore :((( My mom made me give my cat away :(((((((((((( do you want to change your name: nah what did you do for your last birthday: invited my friends over and we ate cake and danced to hsm bc we are cool like that what time did you wake up today: 10.30am what were you doing last night at midnight: writing a monsta x fic lol  something you can’t wait for: to meet @withnosuchgrace in person next month and hopefully @hyungnu too!!!!! last time you saw your mom: at dinner a couple of hours ago what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: boy just one?  have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes this dude from YouNow hahahahaha why am I like this what’s getting on your nerves: that I usually beg for friendship. Don’t be like me, that aint something you must beg for.

Okay this was long hahahahaha. Time to tag peopleeee!!! Imma tag @hyungnu, @akpopinhoe, @kpoplover4life  (hi, my side blog is @kookievmyoppa, so dont be scared bc im tagging u, we are the same person lol), @itsurtradegygurl, @fornarniaandforthefandom and anyone else who wants to do it!!!!

[purplesurveys]

720

WHO was the last person...

you spoke to, in person? It was my mom. She went down around 20 minutes ago to make a couple of sandwiches for herself and dad. The quarantine has made our body clocks completely bonkers and it’ll be typical to see either parent go downstairs at 12 or 1 in the morning to make a meal.

you called? I rang up Gab fiveish minutes ago so we can do a video call on Messenger.

that called you? My mom called me from downstairs the other day to reprimand me about something I said on Facebook cause she said it might offend some of my relatives lol.

you texted? I haven’t texted in a hot fuckin’ minute. I’ve only been at home in the last month, so there’s been little need to spend on load for my phone when I can communicate with classmates and family from online anyway.

that sent you a text? My dad. He texted me that breakfast was ready so that he didn’t need to go into my bedroom, which I’m highkey thankful for. My mom would just burst into the room, pull up my window shade so the sunlight can come in, and yell in a loud voice so I wake up. It’s never improved my mood in all the times she’s done it so I dunno why she continues doing it.

you kissed? Gab, but that was a month ago ugh.

that kissed you? Also her.

you yelled at? My mom. She was yelling at me, so I yelled at her as well because two can play at that game now.

that yelled at you? ^

you watched a movie with? I watched Two for the Road by myself last night but as for companions, the last one I had was Gabie when we watched Titanic a few months ago.

you ate dinner with? My family. We eat dinner together every night, at least whenever my dad is back home in the country.

you were in a photo with? Also family. I haven’t been in a photo with anyone other than them in a while...

you took a photo of? That would be my dog. I don’t take photos of people these days, mostly because I’m unable to.

you went to a concert with? I went to my Paramore gig by myself since I couldn’t find anyone who had front row seats like me, but on the day of the concert itself, Denise, Erycka, and Leigh (who were all also going to the show but got cheaper seats) asked to hitch a ride with me. Gabie was also present but that’s only because she was excited for me and wanted to be around for that experience of mine.

you lied to? Probably a schoolmate that I had told I was busy even though I wasn’t and I just didn’t want to work that time.

you invited somewhere? I think Blanch? I told her we should go to Ayala Museum once we can go out again so she can see the prehistoric gold exhibit that they have.

you dated? Just my current girlfriend.

you dumped? I haven’t dumped anyone.

you rejected? Uh... technically Mike. There weren’t any words said, no closure or whatever, but I think we both knew and understood that he liked me but I let him find out for himself that I had already gotten back with my ex. Back then I was still horrible at the confrontation thing and didn’t know how to break it to him.

you held hands with? Gab, over a month ago.

you hugged? Same answer.

you let cry on your shoulder? Egh, I’m only mentally capable of doing this for Gabie. I can let people rant to me but it’s personally not good for my own mental health if I had people crying to me all the time.

that let you cry on their shoulder? Technically it was my dog. But the last person was either Angela or Gab, I don’t really remember.

you bought a gift for? I don’t remember aaaahhhhh. It was probably a Valentine’s gift though.

you wished a happy birthday? Luisa.

that disappointed you? Some distant relative who had recently added me on Facebook then, only for me to see her pro-government posts. I never unfriended someone so quickly.

that stayed over at your place? Ralph, my sister’s now ex-boyfriend. Never liked the guy and am so glad they broke up, I never did like seeing him around in our house hah. that let you crash at their place? Gabie, but only to have dinner and work. that made you angry? My mom told me personal insults over a chore I did wrong a few days ago and it made me really angry. that complimented you? Andrew and I exchanged compliments when we needed pick-me-ups sometime last week. whom you complimented? ^ you thanked? My dad, when I saw him baking chocolate chip cookies a while ago after I had nagged him all week to make some. that thanked you? Mom. She asked me to fetch her something. you saw, in person? Right now I can see my sister on the couch. I think she’s watching an anime or playing some game on her laptop. that bought you something? Now hasn’t really been the time to ask for non-essential stuff, but my dad did buy me my requested soju a few weeks ago. that made you laugh? My sister I think? My family watched an online mass livestream earlier and my mom wanted to try out an American Catholic church after my grand-aunt (who lives in the States) recommended that specific parish. ANYWAY so of course their accent was very different to what we’re used to, and my sister’s fazed reaction to how they said one of the words made me laugh. that you said you loved? Gab. that said they loved you? My mom. you flipped off? Haven’t done this to anyone in a whiiiiileeeeee. you made a silly face at? It would always be just my dog but person-wise I don’t even remember anymore. that drove you somewhere? Dad drove me and my mom to the local columbarium last month.

WHAT was the last thing you...

touched? Other than the keyboard and trackpad, I used a spoon to eat some of the raw cookie dough my dad had prepared heh.

threw? Second day I’m trying to finish this survey lol. I just took the last piece of painkillers to treat my headache, so I threw the packaging like 30 seconds ago.

ate? Shrimp pasta that my mom made for dinner.

drank? Coffee.

found stuck in your teeth? Idk, bits of food that I don’t really keep track of.

cooked? :( Never cooked a full meal ever but the last thing I *helped* my dad with was breading the meat he was gonna use to make pork chop haha.

baked? Chocolate chip cookies two years ago. I remember it distinctly because I never bake.

bought? Man I haven’t bought anything in forever. I’m thinking about it and it’s probably something I bought for lunch at school? The only thing I buy is food anyway so I’m pretty sure I’m at least on the right track.

sold? I'm not much of an entrepreneur. 

took a photo of? My dog with a cold compress on top of his head. The weather is starting to be unforgiving so I’ve been allotting my own compress for Kimi so that he doesn’t feel overheated.

were frustrated with? My mom telling us we had to watch a mass livestream this morning -_____- I thought she was only gonna make us ‘attend’ the Lenten masses i.e. Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday, but it’s past Lent and she’s still making us do it. I’m guessing it’s gonna be routine every Sunday now, ugh.

broke? I don’t tinker much for the very reason that I tend to break everything I touch. That being said, I haven’t broken anything in a while.

spilled? I have a fear of spilling stuff because my mom has always reacted negatively to that. Yay for trauma!

tripped on? A piece of bone that my dog had left on the floor. It felt like stepping on a goddamn Lego.

kicked? My blanket when I started feeling too warm inside my room.

put batteries in? I haven’t used batteries in ages.

turned on? I opened my laptop to continue this survey.

turned off? My Nintendo Switch, when I didn’t feel like playing anymore.

wrote? A survey, if anything. I haven’t had to write anything ever since they suspended online classes.

wrote on? I think it was my sister’s notebook.

cleaned? Myself? I just took a bath if that counts.

WHERE was the last place you...

dined at? I’m pretty sure it was Yabu. Gab and I went out for dinner on the last Monday before the lockdown, didn’t see each other all week, then by Saturday when we saw each other again we just had dinner at her place. So it’s gotta be Yabu.

ordered something to go? A local sushi place and a local pizza place, a week ago. My dad was too lazy to cook that evening so we got takeout instead.

bought something? The local milk tea place that we have in school and Rodic’s. I got myself milk tea, and I got my dad my favorite meal from Rodic’s, tapsilog.

cried? My room, I think.

felt uncomfortable? Just the house cause I haven’t been anywhere in a month.

drove to? My girlfriend’s school and then her house.

had an appointment at? Eye doctor at SM Marikina.

went on vacation? Tagaytay and then we moved to Cavite the day after so that we got to maximize the time that we had to have a staycation.

hung out with a friend? The 30th. Ughhhhh I miss the mall.

bought clothes? Feliz, at an independent clothing stall at one of the top floors.

spent more than you had planned? Feliz then I even had the audacity to move to The 30th to spend more lmaooooo AND THAT WAS A MONDAY. I was so bad at saving money skksks.

saw a band/singer/musician perform? One of the local arenas in Manila so I can watch Paramore.

WHEN was the last time you...

told someone 'I love you'? A little over an hour ago I think.

cried? I don’t remember.

laughed? A few hours ago, maybe? I always laugh when I come across a dumb meme on Facebook.

left your home? March 10th. Really not a good time to be asking that question lol.

drank a soda/pop? Sometime in February when my org had an event and the only drink being served was Coke. I was extremely hungry/thirsty that evening so I had no problem chugging soda down, even though it was so unpleasant.

made your bed? This morning.

visited a doctor? March 9th.

went to the emergency room? I’ve never had to go to the emergency room except for the time I was being delivered.

kissed someone? The last weekend before the lockdown. Man, I had no idea how lame/sad my answers were going to be lmaooo I really should have thought that through before starting a “when was the last time you” survey.

hugged someone? Also a month ago. I’m not a hugger in the family but I do hug my friends a lot.

prayed? Sometime when I was 9 or 10 years old.

worked out? Last semester when my PE was actually focused on working out instead of a sport.

made a phone call? This afternoon. My mom got me load for my phone (after a month of not having any!!!) just because, so I surprised Gab by calling her.

answered a phone? Last night.

had an argument? A few days ago.

played a video game? A little over an hour ago. I was playing Mario Kart 8.

played a card game? It wasn’t necessarily a card game but last January at Rita’s place, she took out a deck, asked us to pick certain cards, and then told us about our relationships and the issues that lurk beneath it based on the cards that were left hahahaha. Of course I think the strategy itself is bullshit but Rita speaks well and is a psych student, so we still ended up having a good conversation after hearing the verdict for mine.

played a board game? Ages ago. I can’t even tell you how long it’s been.

rode a bike? Around a month ago. I told myself I was gonna learn how to ride a bike during the quarantine, but it’s been so hot outside these days that it’s so easy to run out of enthusiasm for it.

fell on your butt? I don’t remember.

took a shower? In the last hour.

took a bubble bath? A year ago, maybe longer.

watched TV? I asked dad to watch El Camino with me on my his and my mom’s TV when it came out, so that would be last October.

saw a movie at a theater? December. It was for Knives Out.

ate fast food? 3-4 weeks ago if I’m not mistaken.

ordered a pizza? A couple of weeks ago. We tried Angel’s Pizza for a change and it turned out to be loads better than Pizza Hut which tends to be our usual.

made someone laugh? I probably made a few people laugh off of the few memes I shared today, so there’s that.

sang? Like a half hour ago. Hayley from Paramore shared a clip of the band performing Hard Times to celebrate the song turning 3 and it turns out the gig was from their show in Manila, so I hurriedly clicked on the video and sang along.

played a musical instrument? It’s been many months since I last used the keyboard.

read a book? A month-ish ago.

drove a car? My dad asked me to move my car to a different spot sometime last week, which felt so surreal as I hadn’t driven in a few weeks. It felt so weird driving again and I had to drive in a crawl to get accustomed to being in the driver’s seat again.

went swimming? August 2019, at a beach in Nasugbu.

got a sunburn? Haven’t gotten a sunburn since I was little.

went to church or temple? First week of March.

went shopping? I don’t really remember but it was one of the last few weekends before the lockdown.

drank alcohol? Two weeks ago.

smoked a cigarette? Sometime in March, the same night when my friends and I went to BGC to party. When everyone else went home, Gab and I stayed for a bit, strolled around The Palace, and had a smoke while watching everyone else around us get crazy wasted.

threw up? Sometime last year. I haven’t drunk too much recently.

had a headache? Tonight.

had a cold? Maybe last year or a couple of years ago. I don’t get colds a lot.

had the flu? Probably not since I was little. I’ve gotten fevers in the last few years but that was all there was to it. I’ve never been sick and had cough and colds at the same time, at least not for a very long time.

had your hair cut? A week before the lockdown -____- Barely anyone got to see my bangs and I’ll always be disappointed about that hahaha.

dyed your hair? Never.

laughed so hard that you cried? I remember watching a hilarious clip on Facebook of this lady who had a contagious fucking laugh, I think it was a week ago or a little over that.

[certifiedchillona]

“should we know us a little better” tag 📜

Hehe thank for tagging me jess 💞 honestly you're probably the only one that rlly cares about when I post about myself so I'm doing it for youuuu 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 @youngjaesloudlaugh Again, I don't really have anyone to tag so this is just for fun ☺️ 

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people minus 3 

THE LAST: 

 1. Drink: A raspado de vainilla 

 2. Phone call: I called my grandma's house phone because they were all partying in the backyard and me and my family were stuck in the front like help 3. Text message: “I know!!! It's been too long since I saw you ;-; I didn't even get to say bye last time " 

4. Song you listened to: God's Child (Baila Conmigo) - Selena

5. Time you cried: I think it was when BTS won their billboard award. Yeah those were happy tears 

6. Dated someone twice: Hahahha that's funny, see peone actually have to find me attractive in some way for this to happen

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Never Kissed anyone 🤷🏽‍♀️

8. Been cheated on: Never, hopefully I can say this in the future too 

9. Lost someone special: My mallard duckling Sonny. Man I was devastated for a while because of that 

10. Been depressed: never? Like yeah I've been pretty sad but I don't think I've ever been like clinically depressed.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: can't get drunk and throw up if you don't drink 

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Really Dark Navy Blue, Deep Red Wine, Gold IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 

15. Made new friends: Yes!!!! I'm so happy about it too hehe

16. Fallen out of love: I don't think I'll ever fall out of love with mah Kpop babies 💕💕

17. Laughed until you cried: yeah 

18. Found out someone was talking about you: yep, apparently people think they can hurt me but haha jokes on you I talk shit on myself every day 

19. Met someone who changed you: I feel yeah, I've become a much better person thanks to them 

20. Found out who your friends are: yeah I guess, my current best friends and I started talking like a year or two ago now so yeah

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Facebook who? 

GENERAL: 

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I mean I have a Facebook for the sole reason of keeping my progress on piano tiles but das it. 

23. Do you have any pets: two dogs but we're giving them away bc we never have time for them. Hopefully when we move I can get a leopard gecko though. Ugh I love lizards 😖😖💗💗 

24. Do you want to change your name: Nope, im pretty fine. Fun fact my dad almost named me Jimena 

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Eat my favorite Caesar Salad and sleep 26. What time did you wake up: 5 AM 🙃 

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: in a car coming home and then I proceeded to play minecraft till 3 in the morning

28. Name something you can’t wait for: I can't wait for marching season to startttttt. Yeah schools gonna start up again too but I love Band, and I really wanna see what our show looks like skeonsoanw 

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like 40 min. Ago 

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish I had more opportunity to help others.

31. What are you listening right now: my lamp buzzing and cars passing by my house 

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: don't recall 

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: People's inability to be nice and move on with their lives. Honestly I could rant for days with this question.

34. Most visited Website: I think it's YouTube honestly 

idk where 35-37 are lmao

 38. Hair color: dark brown 

39. Long or short hair: Shortttt I can't stand having long hair it bothers my scalp and my head so much. I look like Willy Wonka and I wanna buy glasses to complete the look™ 

40. Do you have a crush on someone: thank the lord baby Jesus I don't.

41. What do you like about yourself: my ability to empathize, my passion about things I like, my motivation to do things I like, my intelligence 

42. Piercings: just the standard one on each ear. 

43. Bloodtype: brb lemme go check with my doctor 

44. Nickname: Liz. My friend calls me Lizzie Bean and that's the only time I'll accept the use of the name Lizzie. My other friend sometimes calls me Lizard. "My Tree". 

45. Relationship status: single (probs gonna stay like that for a while tbh I love being alone) 

46. Zodiac: Virgo  

47. Pronouns: she/her, they/them

48. Favorite TV Show: Either Criminal Minds, Prison Break, How it's Made, or Mysteries at the Museum 

49. Tattoos: nooooooone 

50. Right or left hand: right 

51. Surgery: never had one 

52. Piercing: again none but the basic ones lmao 

53. Sport: I don't watch sports and I don't play sports either. Idk if Marching Band is considered a sport bc some people do and some people don't so Ima just put it out there. 

55. Vacation: I want a 2 year vacation pls 

56. Pair of trainers: *looks up trainers* Oh so like tennis shoes?? Mm yeah I got one pair 

 MORE GENERAL: 

57. Eating: I love eating like junk food and good food too but I can't eat more than like one or two normal sized meals a day or else I feel like throwing up so I'm is sad 

58. Drinking: mm i don't drink anything much that's probably bad. What i drink most is soda though and that's also really bad 

59. I’m about to: finish this up and sleep bc I'm running on 2 hours of sleep and a headache 

61. Waiting for: my flipping facking snap snipping packages. This is why online ordering is a pain sometimes 

62. Want: A normal sleep schedule and longer days 

63. Get married: mmm don't really want to honestly, I'm down if my partner really wants it but I'm fine without it. It's a waste of money to be honestly 

64. Career: Probs Music or Art honestly. And If not maybe some science 

WHICH IS BETTER?: 

 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs 

 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes 

 67. Shorter or taller: Taller 

 68. Older or younger: mm idk honestly 

 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: ARMSSS 

 71. Sensitive or loud: I hate loud which is ironic because I'm loud as hell but yeah sensitive 

 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker hehe 

 HAVE YOU EVER: 

 74. Kissed a stranger: I haven't even kissed someone I know 

 75. Drank hard liquor: nope 

 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I eventually found them but they got lost in the first place so yeah 

 77. Turned someone down: yeah. I thought it was a joke so I was like "lmao no" now that dude hates me and I'm like chill bro 

 78. Sex in the first date: What's a date???? Never heard of it??? 🤷🏽‍♀️ Romance??? Not in my vocabulary 

 79. Broken someones heart: yeah but it was for their own sake 

 80. Had your heart broken: yeah. 

 81. Been arrested: nopeee 

 82. Cried when someone died: irl or in general? I mean it's a yes for both honestly 

 83. Fallen for a friend: yeah

 DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 

 84. Yourself: not usually 

 85. Miracles: never really thought about it 

 86. Love at first sight: No 

 87. Santa Claus: umm no lmao 

 88. Kiss in the first date: I mean if y'all wanna then whatever floats your boat

 89. Angels: my friends???? Mis bebés??? Mis amores??? Yes. The fantastical Angels? Nah 

 OTHER: 

 90. Current best friends name: Adam, Nova, Lion, Anthony 

 91. Eyecolor: brown 

 92. Favorite movie: Coraline