#post amor fati

[atths--twice]

Finding the Courage

After the events of Amor Fati, thoughts and feelings have not been expressed. Tonight that will change...

It was quiet in the car as they drove down the dark and nearly vacant highway. Mulder glanced at Scully from the corner of his eye and sighed silently, not wanting to disturb her.

The case had troubled him in his own way and knowing Scully as he did, he knew it had troubled her as well.

A car drove by on the opposite side of the road as they came around a corner and he turned his head at the sudden brightness, the lights dimming only briefly as the car continued on.

Darkness once again lay before them and the silence in the car seemed to grow louder.

“Can you pull over?” Scully asked quietly and he turned his head to look at her, frowning in concern.

“Are you okay?”

“Can you just… stop the car?” she asked, taking off her seatbelt and shaking her head.

“Yeah,” he said, turning on the blinker and looking around to be sure it was clear even though they were the only car on the road.

The tires crunched over loose rocks and gravel as the car came to a stop. Scully was out and closing the door before he had put the car in park. He watched as she pulled her coat around herself, her breath coming out in large white puffs. Turning off the car, he left the headlights on and got out, closing the door softly.

She paced in front of the lights, shaking her head as she continued to breath heavily. He waited with his hands in his pockets as he leaned against the car, wondering if she was feeling sick or something else was on her mind.

Stopping suddenly, she turned to look at him and let out a deep breath. He tilted his head slightly and she shook her head.

“He waited so long,” she said and he frowned again.

“Who?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“Henry,” she replied, shaking her head and sighing.

“Oh,” he said, nodding as he thought about their case.

A woman, Kari Montgomery, had gone missing and the last place she had been seen was on a hiking trail. Strange symbols had been spray painted on the side of her car and a roughly hewn stick doll had been placed under a windshield wiper.

The local authorities suspected witchcraft, but Mulder had his doubts, as it all felt rather staged.

“Too much like a Blair Witch copycat,” he had said to Scully, shaking his head as he looked at the car and traced a gloved finger over the spray paint. “I think it’s bored teens thinking they’re being funny.”

Instead of focusing on the fantastic, they had walked into the woods to speak to a man who lived along the trail.

Henry Statler, a rather reclusive man, had not taken kindly to their arrival, answering the door with a shotgun in hand, his expression wary.

When the reason for their visit had been explained, he had pitched forward whispering Kari’s name. Falling against the doorframe, Mulder had caught the shotgun in his hands before it hit the ground and Scully had reached out to help Henry.

Henry had known Kari all his life, even dating near the end of high school, though it had been incredibly brief. A fight over something stupid had left them angry and vowing to never speak again. She had left a few weeks later for college and he had stayed in town working odd jobs.

When she had finished with her education, she moved back home with plans to teach at the elementary school she had attended in her youth.

At a bar one night, she had run into Henry and attempted to speak to him. But it had turned into a shouting match, as Henry had been drunk and any chance of a reconciliation between them had been severed.

Henry had moved into the cabin in the woods and was rarely seen again, thus creating an air of mystery and fear around him. Children would dare one another to knock on his door, screaming as they ran away, their friends laughing behind them.

Knowing he lived out there, Kari avoided coming too close to his property when she hiked along the trails on the weekends.

“I’ve seen her out here,” Henry had told them as they sat at his cluttered dining room table, his hands shaking as he drank a glass of water. “I fish in the river that’s back aways. I see her come there sometimes and sit by the water.”

“Do you ever speak to her?” Scully had asked and he had shaken his head, his eyes falling to the table.

“No,” he had whispered. “But I’ve wanted to every time I’ve seen her. I’ve wanted to tell her how sorry I am. To tell her…” He had shaken his head again and exhaled loudly.

“That you love her,” Mulder had supplied and Henry had nodded as Scully looked at Mulder in surprise.

“Since I was seven years old. She followed me around the playground even when I asked her to leave me alone,” Henry had said, laughing and then stopping short. “You can’t tell me what to do, Henry Statler. That’s what she said to me. That day and many times after.”

Mulder had smiled at him and then caught Scully’s eye before she had looked away and back at Henry.

“What can I do?” Henry had asked, wiping his eyes and standing to his feet. “How can I help?”

For three days, a search party had combed the woods.

Henry had been there every day, staying out late into the night, forgoing sleep and even food. He had not given up, and on the fourth morning, he had been the one to find her.

There had been no witchcraft. Nothing sinister even.

Kari had been walking and she slipped down a hill, sustaining many injuries including a broken ankle, a broken rib, numerous cuts and bruises, and a mild concussion. As she had attempted to get her bearings, she came across a dilapidated old house. Knowing she could not stay there, but walking closer to get out of the rain that had begun to fall, she had stumbled and fallen through the rotted wood of a spring cellar and down the five steps, knocking her unconscious.

Exhausted and injured further, she had faded in and out, unable to call out for help. Henry had found her, given her water and dressed her wounds as well as he could, leaving to call for help and returning to stay with her until it had arrived.

He had sat outside of her hospital room, waiting until she had woken and asked for him, the worry he had been carrying, falling away as he had stood to his feet.

“They knew each other for so long, Mulder,” Scully said, as he remembered the smile on Henry’s face when Kari had reached for his hand. “They had so many opportunities to fix what was wrong and they never took it. Not until it was almost too late.”

“People are stubborn that way,” he said and she sighed, her breath a cloud of vapor.

“I know they are,” she said, holding his gaze. “I know I am.”

“Stubborn? You?” he teased, but she did not smile, and he shook his head with a sigh. “What’s on your mind, Scully?”

“It’s a constant.”

“What is?”

“Us. This… thing between us.”

“Thing?” he asked, his pulse jumping.

“This thing that reaches a point, but then never goes further,” she whispered, her eyes shining with tears in the moonlight. “Right to the line, but never crossing it.”

“Scully…”

“Words said, but so many others left unsaid. Important ones that stay in our heads, but aren’t articulated. Not… not the way they should have been. Especially when they’ve had to be known. To have been heard…” She continued to stare at him and then he realized what she was not saying.

“No,” he whispered, shaking his head as he remembered lying nearly comatose in a hospital bed, his brain burning, when he had finally heard the one voice he had longed to hear.

“No?”

“I never…” He sighed and then licked his lips. “I heard so many words, conversations buzzing around me like insects. I heard those who addressed me, explaining themselves as they sought for me to understand their reasons for their behavior. I heard their lies, their deceit, their pain. Heard the words not spoken aloud.”

“And from me?” she asked, the tears in her eyes threatening to spill over. “What did you hear from me?”

“The truth. Always the truth.”

“Which means what?” she whispered.

“Words buzzed and pained me,” he said again. “Until I heard your voice.” Her tears slipped out and fell down her cheeks as she drew in a ragged breath.

“You heard me? You heard-”

“I heard you speaking to the doctors and then speaking to me. Out loud. Not in my head.”

“Not my thoughts?”

“No.”

“Why?” she whispered, wiping her cheeks. “Why theirs and not mine?”

“Because,” he said, taking a step closer to her. “In the torrent of their thoughts and the lies that I didn’t want to hear, the words you spoke were my saving grace. A shelter given in which to rest and calm my mind.”

She stared at him, her breathing becoming faster. He smiled as he reached for her hand.

“You didn’t… didn’t hear me?”

“I heard you,” he whispered, squeezing her hand gently. “Heard you.”

“Mulder…” she breathed, stepping closer as she kept her eyes on him.

“I heard the truth in your words. The worry and the concern you voiced. I didn’t need to hear your thoughts when your truth was loud and clear,” he said, shaking his head. “Was there something that you wanted me to hear, Scully?” She exhaled a laugh as she wiped at her eyes.

“No,” she said. “Yes…?”

“Hmm,” he hummed, his thumb stroking the top of her hand.

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head and letting out a deep breath. “I didn’t want you to hear it as a thought in my head. But… time is passing by and I’ve said nothing. I’m such a coward.”

“Hmm,” he hummed again as he closed his eyes and bent forward to rest his forehead against hers. “I don’t agree with that statement.”

“But I have been. I know I have. And being here the last few days, I saw myself in Henry’s reluctance and I… I want that to change.”

“I’m all for change,” he whispered, pulling back slightly so he could press his lips to her forehead, kissing her softly.

She gripped the lapels of his coat in her hands, the vapor of her breath passing over him.

“I love you,” she whispered and he froze, his eyes opening. Pulling back again, he stared at her.

She was breathing hard, her mouth opening and closing a few times, though no words came out. He brought his hands up to cup her face, his thumbs stroking her cheeks softly.

“I love you,” she whispered again and he smiled.

“God. I love you too,” he replied and she nodded as she laughed and cried.

Bending his head, he held her face as he kissed her. She moved her hands from his coat to hold his forearms, their kisses slow.

A car drove past and she pulled back, still holding onto him. She smiled and he kissed her once more before stepping back and searching her face. She nodded and he grinned.

Moving apart, they got back into the car and he started the engine. She reached for his hand when they pulled back onto the highway and he took it, bringing it to his lips and kissing her knuckles. She hummed and dipped her head, smiling shyly. He grinned and kissed her hand again as they drove to the motel.

_________

He woke to the sound of muffled shouting and he jumped out of bed, peeking through the curtain to be sure everything was okay. Seeing a group of teenagers skateboarding in the parking lot, he let out a sigh of relief as he closed the curtain and turned away from the window.

Glancing toward the bed, he walked to the television and turned it on, hoping the low volume would cover the noise outside. With a look to the bed again, he nodded and went to use the bathroom.

Closing the door quietly behind him when he was finished, he stopped in front of the television and watched as a fox jumped and spun through a hill of purplish pink flowers.

“The young fox runs through a field of wildflowers,” the narrator of the documentary stated. “Perhaps he has been spooked by another animal, or perhaps he has seen a vixen and he is showing off to gain her attention.”

“Or perhaps…” Mulder whispered with a smile. “Perhaps said vixen has indicated that she loves him for the very first time and he can’t help but react in such a manner.”

“Hmm,” came a low hum from the bed and Mulder turned his head to watch Scully as she shifted in her sleep.

“Yeah,” he continued in a whisper. “I’m certain his vixen has expressed her love and he’s the happiest he’s ever been in his life.”

“Hmmm… Mmmulder?” Scully breathed, as she ran her hand over the spot he had recently vacated and he walked to stand beside the bed.

“I’m here,” he whispered and she opened her eyes. Frowning in the brightness, she quickly closed them again.

“Mmm… why is the television on?” she said with a small groan and he smiled.

“There was noise outside, some boys skateboarding, so I thought I’d-”

“Add to it?” she asked, shifting again and the sound of her legs moving beneath the covers made his pulse race. “Turn it off and come back to bed.” A shout of triumph was heard outside and she smiled, opening her eyes briefly to look at him. “Hear that? They agree with me.”

“Yeah, I heard,” he said with a chuckle as he stepped back and turned off the television.

The room was dark once again and the noise of the skateboarders now seemed louder than before.

“That won’t bother you?” he asked as he joined her in bed, her bare legs entwining with his as she moved closer to him, her arm wrapping around his waist.

“Would you ask them to stop if it did?”

“If you wanted me to, I would,” he said, running a finger down her spine, causing her to shiver.

“In your current state of dress?” she teased as she ran her fingernails across his bare back in retaliation and he chuckled.

“Well, I’d put something on,” he assured her.

“If that’s the case, then no, the sound doesn’t bother me at all,” she said, kissing his neck and pulling him closer, her naked breasts pressing into his chest. “It took us far too long to reach this point. If it means you’d leave this bed again, I can handle a little bit of adolescent noise.”

“Hmm,” he hummed in agreement as he closed his eyes and traced circles up and down her back, causing her to moan softly.

“Mulder,” she whispered as she kissed his neck again.

“Dude! That was bitchin’!” a voice yelled outside as another cheer went up and Scully chuckled.

“I love you,” she said, snuggling even closer as she yawned.

“I love you too,” he said, breathing in her scent before he also yawned.

Hearing her breathing slow as she fell asleep, naked in his arms, he smiled as he kissed the top of her head.

He chuckled quietly as he recalled the scene of the young fox gallivanting through a sea of flowers. His actions could have been completely random, but considering his own overwhelming happiness at the moment, Mulder was not convinced.

Feeling a sense of connection to his namesake, Mulder was certain that somewhere out of camera shot, a sleek haired vixen sat watching the fox’s antics, completely aware of the reason he was unable to contain his outright joy.

And she was smiling.

[bakedbakermom]

txf + text posts (14/?)

[anders-hawke]

REMEMBER WITH CLARITY. ↳ ORIGINAL AIR VERSIONS | HD VERSIONS + LIGHTING & SHARPENING For @ellivia, @the-spooky-alien, @swinging-stars-from-satellites, & @scullyverse.

[deathsbestgirl]

Was catching up on some tags that I missed during the shadow ban era (what a time that was) and came across a thought of yours that I'd love to hear more about:

In my One Son meta, I said Scully would have walked away if Mulder hadn't shaped up; and you proposed-- rightly, I believe-- that she wouldn't have. I guess I meant it never reached that point w/ them (even during the Revival breakup) because Scully knew Mulder would always take what she had to say into account and prove her or him right and wrong. Even in One Son, she still gave him an unspoken chance to make it right and still called him no matter what while on her way to get Cassandra from the train car.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't believe they've ever truly gotten to that unrecoverable point (well... I mean other than the fact they're still together) because even though Mulder and Scully are "messy" with each other at times (withholding necessary information from each other because of their fears, not wanting to face the truths each tells the other), their bone-deep trust wins out each time.

What say you? :DDDDDDDD

yes yes yes. because they always listen to each other, even when they disagree. they have a basis of the truest respect i've ever seen, and as long as they have that and they're able to hear each other, they won't lose that or their trust. two fathers/one son really tested their trust, which they really earned through season one giving them a solid foundation reinforced the other years. this is the first time it was so personal to them, to their relationship.

scully says something about, 'without the fbi, personal reasons are all she has left' so if he 'takes that away' then she 'can't help him anymore.' but that's really in respect to his quest if he's going to continue trusting diana. but it's personal to scully outside of mulder, which is why she immediately jumps when she hears about cassandra. her & cassandra are the only two left and as much as mulder can't give up, neither can scully (not at this point). and even though to scully, mulder isn't trusting her, she still trusts him and despite things they've kept from each other, she doesn't usually keep the work from him (only when it involves her & she's afraid to face it).

and this is why his touchstone speech in amor fati was so important. mulder finally knows the truth about diana, but he reaffirms scully. finally telling her what she needed to hear, and then later after william, "the truth they both know."

between iwtb & the revival is different. there was a fic taking place during the revival, that i should find again, that has scully pushing mulder away when he tries to get her to come home because she wasn't good for him and i think that's the only thing that could get her away from him. like when she tried to leave in fight the future. she wasn't helping him, he didn't need her, she held him back.

them being apart has a lot more to do with their individual struggles & beliefs & insecurities than it does their actual relationship. at least that's how i see it.

did that answer your question? 😂😅

[lightyaoigami]

[platonic-activity]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: The X-Files Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully, Fox Mulder & Dana Scully Characters: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, Walter Skinner, Melvin Frohike, John Fitzgerald Byers (X-Files), Richard "Ringo" Langly, Margaret Scully, Teena Mulder Summary:

What are the chances Samantha was lost to not only the Mulder family but everyone involved in her abduction? That this cabal of powerful untouchable men could make such a huge mistake. What if she was always meant to be returned? Does anyone know that she is here? Safe? Loved by her friends, struggling to make rent and babysitting while trying to finish college at 36 years old?

[harmonicabisexuals]

i actually don't think s6 is nearly as painful and angsty from an msr standpoint as everyone says it is, certainly not as much as s4 and s5 are. it's really more like a season long game of chicken lmao

[pillareternal]

6.14.24. Not objects, but effects

You and I are composite, dynamic things; never static, many-faced.

We take from everywhere we are, and everyone we know. And that’s just one part of it. There are as many ways we are beheld as there are as many people we can behold. Ourselves depends on who decides best for oneself. And what are we, exactly? Not even that consciousness that drives us to even be is certain. There is no piece of language that could fully encapsulate our being. So is our nature in the present. Only the present exists as we die and are reborn in every nanosecond that we are.

Nobody steps on the same river twice. Even the hardest stone erodes. Only change is unchanging. Even the ways in which we are beheld always change; fickle and subject to the whims of probability. The very thing that even gives this world a sense of being is action itself, the very same change.

Why, then, do we so insist on assuming we are ever-same? Where we are judged for things beyond us, the now? (Come to think of it, even now is a rather fuzzy notion.) Perhaps its because we are never-static. But, most importantly, our selves do not exist in a vacuum. We take and give from everywhere. Everywhere shall do likewise. Whatever change and action we do ripples and ripples back. We change, and we are changed. We behold and are beheld. This is what drives the very essence of experience. We are constant negotiators of our own reality.

Maybe that’s what this world is, even. No concrete things. Just flows. Actions given shape and feeling. Constant movements that resist other movements. Like the breeze that blows and takes us, or the fire that rises and burns. The stone is hard and blocks the former; the water is liquid and dissipates the latter. Existence as process. Creation, transformation, destruction. Things become, or not at all. How else can we exist?

Effects linger, and define our change. It is essential thus that the dead past haunts the present. Our very being is grounded on affecting everywhere we’re in and everyone we’re with. It’s only natural that others judge us based on these what was, is and could be. We struggle and struggle with all that we see until we can’t no more; confronting, loving, forgiving and forgetting. In this way, we can’t ignore the ways in which our stone ripples through the pond. Our very existence is recognized by those effects. As long as water flows, we shall deem it as flowing. You are what you do, and keep doing. Only change makes you something else.

But some might say that looking away is in itself a conscious act of change. But is denying what we have done and is done to us any better? We shout and the world answers. Constantly. The effects we produce are chain reactions. We will always be the catalyst of new obstacles, and new suffering. Dwelling on the same place is as much a denial. To flagellate or aggrandize oneself from a single point in time. First is a denial through begrudging acceptance, to see oneself solely as beheld, and not subject to change. The latter is a clinging to a fleeting safety, a fear of change.

All these denials of consequence are claims of one’s limitation, to assume a “static” nature such that we regress instead of moving towards truly living the most. In the face of ourselves, we become things. You weaken; at worst, within yourself; by denying yourself.

One way or the other, the effects will persist until you stop making it so. Stand before yourself, first to behold, then to run and embrace; for you belong to you alone, inseparably. Confront, atone, improve, matters not. Even if you cannot embrace yourself, to see and acknowledge the face in the mirror is the least you could do. Your loose ends must be tied unless they coalesce to a sword that hangs above you—beyond that is release.

We did what we did. These things happened. Unless you truly do not care for anything (which I doubt you do, otherwise why read this?) we will have to face the next deed and the next consequence. Because inherently, the joy and suffering we give and is given are parts of ourselves. Stall as long as you please. Wait and rest if you must. But in the end, you will have to deal with it. Only you can. None will breathe for us.

You are the very effect, your very own justification. How else can you be?

[randomfoggytiger]

An Evolution of Mulder and Scully's Forehead Kisses

Irresistible-- Mulder sows the seeds for a forehead kiss while opening his arms for the second time to Scully:

Memento Mori-- Mulder's first forehead kiss, a victorious celebration of Scully's determination and courage:

Redux II-- A forehead kiss of sorts-- Mulder changed to cheek kisses on Scully's death bed; but changed back after her recovery:

Fight the Future-- Scully gives Mulder his first forehead kiss after reassurance that he needs her; but more were put on pause after Diana Fowley, insecurities, and clashes over a "normal life."

Per Manum-- Mulder reinitiates their ritual after the IVF failure; and Scully, touched, almost makes a further move before deciding not to reshake their newly shifting relationship (a lot was still left unsaid):

Post Amor Fati-- Mulder tells Scully she belongs with him, always; and Scully finally gives him a second forehead kiss, secure with a place forever at his side:

And, as we know, Millennium happened; and the rest is history~.

(Note: Mulder's forehead kisses are directly correlated to his journey with more open physical affection--post here-- while Scully's are linked to her waxing and waning security in their relationship.)

[sgiandubh]

Amor fati

Our first Paris Olympian is the swimmer David Popovici, 19. Gold for 200 meters freestyle:

David, aka @chlorinedaddy on Instagram, is a freshman at the University of Bucharest, where he is majoring in Psychology, although he took a sabbatical year to focus on the Olympic Games. Last spring, he donated one of his World Championship gold medals on behalf of pediatric cancer patients. Last fall, he singlehandedly raised about 60K USD on behalf of Hope and Homes for Children Romania, on his birthday. The money served to buy a flat for a single parent family of 6, allowing the mom and her five children, all of whom are music students, to avoid house eviction, at the last minute:

The press was specifically asked to not make a fuss about it. The guy is so humble, he hasn't even posted about his medal on Instagram yet- needless to say, he only promotes his charity projects, on his socials:

On Facebook, his only reaction was a cryptical message in Latin: amor fati, which means 'love of one's fate' or, in a more loose (but clear) translation, 'whatever will be, will be':

We are damn proud of him:

After what he described as a 'dog eat dog race', he cried on TV. He is still a child, after all. He dedicated his medal to his parents, his girlfriend and himself - 'it is a dream come true for just an ordinary guy'.

I see great things. Merci, @pamalissou 😘, for reminding me - I was sulking with sciatica & back pain, had to take an unforeseen sick leave until next Monday. More time to catch up, hmmm.

PS: I loved the Eurosport's commentator remark about D winning it 'with panache'. It's true - we tend to solve impossible things this way.

[agent-troi]

scully and mulder's dynamic visibly changes after the onset of the season of secret sex

i've been thinking about how dd and ga deliberately played season 7 like mulder and scully were sleeping together, and i think there's solid evidence of that in the differences in how scully reacts to mulder appearing to show interest in another woman before and after the season of secret sex begins (i'm using millennium as the before/after divider bc i think that's what dd and ga decided, but this is based on my vague memory of a reddit comment about it which is how i first learned that the season of secret sex was a thing)

so overall there's an undercurrent of insecurity, borne of scully's uncertainty regarding precisely how mulder feels about her and what her place is in the hierarchy of things that are important to him in his life, that exists in the pre-millennium incidents and is glaringly absent post-millennium:

before millennium:

(i'm not gonna include phoebe/fire here bc i don't think scully's awareness of her feelings had yet risen to the point where she'd be truly jealous, i'd characterize her in that ep as largely protective of mulder and unwilling to let him deal with phoebe's games alone. it also helps that he's clearly not happy phoebe is back in his life again, unlike his much more positive reaction to diana)

war of the coprophages- the second scully finds out about bambi, she immediately hops in her car and drives up to miller's grove to join mulder, bc letting him investigate cockroaches alone was fine but god forbid he spend quality time investigating an x-file with an attractive female scientist who isn't herself- that's their thing!!

syzygy- to be fair the planetary alignment situation was exacerbating her- and mulder's- behavior here, but her jealousy of and hostility to detective white were still real, even if she would've been able to rein in her emotions better under normal circumstances.

diana fowley arc- i think this speaks for itself, lol

alpha- this is an interesting period in their relationship: after most of the diana shit is over, but before the tension between them is fully resolved (a process which to me begins with milagro/the unnatural and ends with amor fati, but that would be its own post lol).

other than introducing himself to karin as "fox" (maybe as a way to appeal to her preference for canids lol) and thus implicitly giving her permission to call him by his first name (which she proceeds to do throughout the episode), mulder doesn't seem to show much in the way of attraction to her.

even when he touches her hand to move the mouse, he's more interested in what's on the screen than in paying attention to her:

karin, however, is visibly affected by the contact, a fact which scully immediately notices:

later in the car, they have this convo, the last line of which is so heavily laden with diana subtext it's not even funny:

scully's reaction to karin is similar to her reaction to phoebe in that she's motivated mainly by wanting to protect mulder from his own naive, trusting nature, and from someone she believes is seeking to take advantage of it, rather than being motivated primarily by jealousy and defensiveness. she doesn't really believe that karin is a genuine threat to her relationship with mulder, but with diana still fresh in her memory she can't afford to not be vigilant. hence why she confronts karin alone later:

here scully demonstrates that she somewhat empathizes with karin (mulder is also someone who challenges her, makes her feel fulfilled and happy and alive). karin's response indicates that she has correctly deduced the basis of scully's dislike/distrust of her, and also acknowledges scully is the dominant one as it relates to the territory (mulder) that they are sparring over.

scully looks away at karin's "feminine wiles" comment, revealing the nagging insecurity about her place in mulder's life that diana's arrival exacerbated and that will continue to plague her until amor fati.

after millennium:

rush- when mulder looks back at chastity in the hallway, scully's reaction is to possessively grab mulder's sleeve and pull him away into the interrogation room:

and his response is to laugh and say "what?" like he doesn't know he belongs to her and only her.

keep in mind this happens just before they interrogate tony reed, and right after they finish interrogating him this shit happens:

i already made a post last week about how insanely flirty they are in this episode, but this scene!!

she's pouting and giving him big doe eyes and playing with his tie!! at work!! in public!! she feels comfortable staking her territory in such an obvious way (also playful rather than hostile) bc she's not longer insecure about her place in his life!! i can never be normal about this i'm sorry ssdfgksdgsjdkfhkjsdf

first person shooter- when mulder checks out jade blue afterglow as she's leaving, he leans so far over in such an obvious, exaggerated way, almost as if he's deliberately trying to get a rise out of scully, but all she does is raise her eyebrows at him and lean over to block his view (while smirking):

and then he says he's "feeling the great need to blast the crap out of something", an almost direct quote of scully's line from their convo in the autopsy room right before they went down to the station:

and her response is to SMILE at him!!

pre-millennium scully would absolutely not have reacted this way in this situation. just like in rush, the insecurity that previously haunted scully whenever mulder seemed to be close to or interested in another woman is utterly absent here. they're joking and teasing and enjoying each other's company like they've always done, but there's a different dimension to it now. pre-millennium mulder would never have made a show of checking out another woman like that right in front of scully (unless a planetary alignment is affecting his behavior ofc lol), and pre-millennium scully would never have found it amusing.

(side note: people were debating on twitter a while back about whether this scene was ooc for mulder, and tbh i'm not sure what my own opinion is bc to me the whole episode has an air of... unreality? idk but it gives me similar vibes to post-modern prometheus, like maybe it's real or maybe it's just someone telling a story or it's somewhere in between, and it's also got that same unserious feel idk how else to describe it)

anyway, back to my main point, which is: dd and ga are damn good actors in the way they were able to subtly telegraph this shift in mulder and scully's dynamic. one might be able to argue that the insane flirting throughout season 7 isn't by itself evidence of the season of secret sex bc on some level they've always been like that, but to me these specific interactions provide important clues that the nature of their relationship has changed.

[actual-changeling]

Heya! Do you have any msr fic Recs?

I do have a lot! My ao3 bookmarks are all public, so you can go and browse those by fandom since I save every single fic I read. Fake/pretend relationship and anything involving them figuring out their relationship while around people are two of my all time favourite tropes. Here are some of my favourites though, they're either oneshots or completed:

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (~66k, E)

Getting home proves to be challenging for our favourite agents. Set during Season 7, after Millennium.

True Lies (~106k, T)

Post-Terma, Scully can't help but think they need protection against any future kangaroo court congressional hearings and comes up with a rather unconventional solution that she proposes of Mulder.

Since We Fell Apart (~23k, T)

Post One Son, Scully is fed up with playing second fiddle to everything in Mulder's life, and decides it's best to just be done with him. Skinner asks her to work one last case for the X-Files - undercover in Arcadia.

Keep It All the Year (26k, M)

Scully is summoned to San Diego for a funeral at Christmastime, and ropes Mulder into her family dysfunction. Set in S6, canon divergent but not wildly so.

The Whole Story (~2.6k, T) by @sisterspooky1013

If they thought Maggie couldn’t tell when two people are holding hands under the dinner table, they've got another thing coming.

The Marriage Spectacular (~20k, M)

Lost FBI agents. Stormy weather. A marriage retreat in a mountainside inn with one room available.

una via (~19k, M)

Mulder and Scully's changing relationship in the period after Amor Fati.

Plus some of my favourite authors whose works I am still digging through and enjoying a lot. There's nothing better than reading a great fic, going to their profile, and then realizing they have like 100 more of them.

Skinfull @baronessblixen OnlyTheInevitable fragilevixen @danascully77 cecily_sass audries kittenscully

I'm probably forgetting a bunch of people, so you're very much invited to add your favourite fics and/or your own (self promo is explicitly welcomed!!).

[bakedbakermom]

txf + text posts (7/?)

(scully really needs to keep mulder on a leash)

[carefulfears]

knowing you, you have probably talked about it before but i’d really love to know what you think about mulder’s savior/sacrificial lamb complex. i think it was csm that mentioned in amor fati that mulder’s hero complex would be the end of him one way or the other and it always reminds me of this essay “the gods show up” where the “tragic hero” is described as a human who’s by fate already dead, but keeps talking and trying for the sake of something bigger anyway (aka that post where you said mulder belongs to scully but that just ends up being the reason for her hurt because he also belongs to something bigger that doesn’t care for his well being). strangely it also reminds me of that interview where dd said “mulder is a guy who has been given the problems as jesus” lol.

this is such a beautiful question...the first thing that you have to understand is that i genuinely view fox mulder as a benevolent second coming of christ and every written word stems from the point of view of its author, so. the second is that i think duchovny had an understanding of the character that made that story/franchise what it was and his description of a "profoundly human model of christ" in writing the base-work of amor fati (a conflict between larger purpose and desire for normal life) is as unironically insightful as it is extremely funny. the third is that when mr. x shoves mulder against the wall of the hospital garage in one breath and tells him "i used to be you. but you're not me, mulder, i don't think you have the heart" - it's as much endorsement as it is damnation.

if you look at these two quotes from the amor fati dream

CSM to mulder: "You've suffered enough - for the X-Files, for your partner, for the world. You're not Christ. You're not Prince Hamlet. You're not even Ralph Nader. You can walk out of this hospital and the world will forget you."

and later, mulder to diana: "I have commitments-- to the X-Files, to Scully, to my sister."

CSM is meant to be playing the role of the literal last temptation, the snake-like figure that has to lead his prey astray. but those three things that mulder still has his sights on (the x-files, scully, samantha) are three things that nobody else is dedicated to. nobody else is going to keep those cases open and search for answers and care about those victims. nobody else is scully's partner: working with her, looking after her, fighting with and for her. nobody else is inspiring her. nobody else is remembering his sister, missing her, looking for her. the mother that leaves him in a hospital room in this episode, is burning last signs of life a few chapters later.

i've seen people argue that the problem with this episode and its larger arc is that "CSM is right and the episode thinks he's wrong" but i don't think he is right. i don't think he thinks he's right. i think he's doing a job and mulder is doing a job, both playing their roles, and his thesis is that mulder has done "enough" and suffered "enough" for his list of commitments- but what's enough when no one is gonna tag you out? when the speaker is waiting for a clear shot? (i'm reminded here of one of my favorite audries fic lines: "he sits on the bed, the line of his shoulders going curved and uneven. even hercules would have dropped the weight of this world.")

which is all to say (and remember my point#1 at the top), that i wouldn't describe mulder's "savior complex" as even really being a complex, i think it's just the world. i used to talk about sometimes how moving it is to me that mulder was born into this world and was always going to die for this cause and the story is about people who choose to follow. who have every opportunity available to them and want to do this work at any cost. who won't leave him in it alone, at any cost.

it's scully at the end of the road saying that she would do it "all over again."

it's skinner's "if given the choice between advancing my career by being blindly loyal to some faceless puppeteers pulling strings from the shadows, or to throw in with you two, make no mistake about it. i'd make the same decision every single damn time."

and anon i really love that quote you shared, which is from the gods show up by michael kinnucan: "The center of every tragedy is the image of a human being who has already died but keeps talking, someone whose face is a mask."

which, as you alluded, is what i define as the tragedy of mulder's character. that he was always going to die for the cause he was born into ("there is no other version of this story") and perhaps more tragic: that people depend on him, at any cost. that scully dedicates her life to someone who will list her as his tethering responsibility, but who doesn't belong to her. cannot be predominantly responsible to her, of her. harsh punishment for fruitful crimes.

[numinousmysteries]

important poll

I honestly don't know the answer to this! I kind of like @agent-troi's post-Amor Fati theory (in this post) but the Millennium kiss feels very first kiss to me. Sein und Zeit/Closure has potential. There's Scully spending the night at Mulder's apartment when he's very emotional after his mom dies and the turning point in Mulder's life at the end of the Samantha quest. All Things is pretty much canon so I don't think it was after that, but anything else in season 7 feels like fair game to me.

Leave all your theories and head canons in the tags/comments! And feel free to rec your/your favorite first-time fics!

[deathsbestgirl]

txf mytharc: pilot

preface: what you can expect from this series of mine.

i’m likely going to talk about each mytharc episode in full (at least nearly). the point of this isn’t to focus on mulder and scully, but there will still be a lot about them. we mostly see the mytharc through their eyes, and their partnership & experiences are a major part of that (and i think at this point, it’s clear i never shut up about them!). so for those that don’t really care about the mytharc, you might still find things to enjoy. at the end of each post, i’ll do a little summary of episode connections. i’m doing this as i rewatch so i will not have watched the future episodes yet – so please forgive any mistakes in details! i’m also pairing this with reading myth x: one fan’s interpretation of the the x files mytharc, and i’ll include some pieces that helped me unravel certain things, or that i’m simply keeping in mind as i rewatch! but mostly, this is just me enjoying the show. it’s what i think about when i watch. if it’s not your cup of tea, i completely understand. i do welcome discussion, but i make no promises to engage. i’m just sharing my little thoughts on this show that i really, really love.

sharing has gotten more difficult for me, but i truly enjoy it. just asking everyone to be kind & thoughtful, because i’m putting a lot of my time into this and i’m sensitive about it lol

something i get caught up in every time i watch the pilot is what csm & the syndicate were thinking (specifically in regards to assigning scully to the x files with mulder — i will probably talk about this over & over).

in the pilot we don’t even know about the syndicate. we meet section chief blevins, and other men with no names. including csm, who doesn’t even speak. he stands there looking stressed and smoking, observing scully and listening intently to the whole exchange. at the beginning, it’s hard to imagine how deep this goes, how widespread the government conspiracy is and it’s what makes it so fun for me to go back. we have so much more information later on, and we can take it back when we rewatch. there are so many connections to be made and although a lot of it doesn’t line up perfectly, i think it’s way more in line than people say. for me, there are several reasons that fit in with the world of the x files. first, there are so many unreliable narrators, people dealing in lies and coverups, only letting mulder & scully and whomever see what they want them to see. they purposely feed certain beliefs, and stifle them at other times. csm’s goals are muddled: he wants mulder on his side, he’s trying to save the human race/shape it into his own creation. he pretends to be a chess master, but as he says in sixth extinction/amor fati: he is one man.

the pilot starts with a cold open, a young woman running through the woods in her pajamas. we see a male figure and a bright white light. next thing, the young woman is lying dead on the forest floor as a team documents the scene and tries to identify her. detective miles identifies here as karen swanson and walks away, as the other investigator shouts “it’s happening again, isn’t it?”

next we follow special agent dana scully into the hoover building and to blevins office. he peppers her with questions about her fbi experience, if she’s heard of fox mulder and the x files. she’s young and open and maybe a little too honest. every time i try to write about the pilot something i always end up writing: scully understood what these men wanted her to. i don’t think it’s what csm wanted, but it might be what the syndicate wanted. scully was expected to debunk the x files, and if she did, they would probably reward her with whatever promotion or job she wanted within the fbi (or better, recruit her to the syndicate?). but as will consistently happen, they underestimated her. i’m not sure any of these men could have predicted what her & mulder would come to mean to each other. i don't think they could grasp her honesty or goodness, her ethics & morals, her complex beliefs & sense of justice. they live in a world where everyone is selfish & cruel, where they do what is “necessary” or what they're ordered to, where people will always choose themselves above others, but that is not scully. and it isn’t mulder.

(aside that maybe isn’t necessarily relevant but the thought always pops into my mind: it’s very interesting to me that they have this meeting with her and just send her down to mulder’s office. there’s no meeting with mulder, scully and their superiors together. all of it strikes me as a punishment for mulder, and a test for scully. i really think there’s something of interest to them in scully’s background. scientist, medical doctor, navy captain’s daughter, semi practicing/lapsed catholic. in theory, she could have been a perfect fit for the syndicate. but i really think most of them lack an understanding of people, of humanity. they deal in the worst of humanity – and mulder & scully are the best of humanity.)

initially when i started this (my little notebook) i was going to focus on just csm. but lately, the mytharc has gripped me. i don’t typically rewatch those episodes, unless i’m watching the entire series or a season in full. or a specific arc (like the cancer arc of course). but i’ve been slowly watching the mytharc episodes and they all connect, intricately, weaving a complicated web of truths & untruths & half truths. it’s so detailed and convoluted and maybe confusing. and so i wanted to go piece by piece. as i’ve said before, i don’t think everything lines up perfectly, and it isn’t supposed to. this is a global conspiracy, we learn things as mulder & scully do. they are largely on the outside of it, trying to break in to expose the truth & hopefully dismantle it. they are continuously misled, misdirected, stonewalled. there are many different projects with experimental science developing different defenses/giruses/andmtidotes, with different goals. evidence destroyed or stolen, tampered with. they are manipulated and used and discarded and returned and nearly killed as the syndicate sees fit at the current time. but so many things connect back to the pilot. the writers may not have had a show bible, but they most certainly looked back to pick up different threads and carry them through.

after scully’s meeting, we follow her down into mulder’s basement office. scully knocks on the door, opens it when he responds and takes in the whole atmosphere. he jumps right into it, letting scully know he’s aware of what her assignment is, that he looked into her background, and starting in on the case. in mulder’s way, he starts testing scully too, and i think she passes every single one. even if she’s saying things he doesn’t really want to hear. at the least, she takes him seriously (enough) to give rebuttals and show she cares. i’m not sure mulder has ever distrusted a single soul, but at least scully earns it.

the few things we learn about the case, what makes it an x file: the marks on the girl’s back, the compound in the surrounding tissue, no clear cause of death. and the fact that there’s a string of these killings in bellefleur, oregon with similarities to other cases in shamrock, texas and sturgis, south dakota.

mulder poses two questions, the first:

maybe what you can explain to me is why it’s bureau policy to label these cases “unexplained phenomenon” and ignore them.

scully has no answer, but i do think this starts her mind rolling. right here she’s put on the path of radicalization, in her scully way. the second:

when convention and science offer us no answer, might we not finally turn to the fantastic as a plausibility?

and i think this moment sets up their roles. scully responds with “the girl obviously died of something. if it was natural causes, it’s plausible that there was something missed in the post-mortem. if she was murdered, it’s plausible there was a sloppy investigation. what i find fantastic is any notion that there are answers beyond the realm of science. the answers are there. you just have to know where to look.” mulder, the believer, turning to the fantastic. scully, the skeptic, turning to science. this is my favorite thing about them, it builds the way they communicate and is a huge part of building trust between them. it’s also a major part in how they get to know each other. it’s always been one of my favorite things about them. it’s built on listening, not just pushing their beliefs or agenda. they always incorporate what the other says – as in, scully tends to shape the science & investigation around his theories. it gives her a place to start and build from. and scully’s science refines mulder’s theories and gets them closer to the truth.

it very quickly becomes one of the ways they depend on each other, setting up expectations they don’t yet understand the implications of and will take them years to rewrite (still built on the trust blooming from this first scene).

as soon as they’re in oregon, even still on the plane, the weirdness starts. unexpected turbulence, radio interference, inhuman like corpse unburied, the metal implant in the nasal cavity. mulder isn’t surprised by the turbulence or radio static, he marks the spot with an x. scully is just confused and baffled by his behavior (i love it). during the autopsy, they’re a little combative. my favorite moment is when mulder tells her:

i’m not crazy, scully. i have the same doubts you do.

this is an important moment for scully. he cares what she thinks, and she does take him seriously. i think it’s easy to think that she doesn’t, she does dismiss his ideas initially. but she’s still following him, peppering him with questions. they talk it through every time, and that’s special. it only gets stronger.

when mulder lifts peggy o’dell’s shirt to find the marks on her back, scully is so angry (she’s afraid) and she storms out of the building – mulder immediately follows her. she doesn’t believe these are alien abductions, she doesn’t know yet what the marks are, what the experience is. she has questions and she wants answers, she wants the truth. scully doesn’t believe his theory of alien abductions, and he asks her “do you have a better explanation?” and this is the first time he directly asks what she thinks. to me, this is the scene that really determines their dynamic. what mulder takes from this conversation is scully really does want the truth, she cares. and that’s important. and scully asks: “what were they doing in the forest?” cut to mulder and scully in the forest, scully pocketing dirt, detective miles coming upon them. (he listened to her, and the next step in their investigation becomes trying to answer that question!)

in the car, she shows mulder the dirt. he asks if it’s a campfire (it does look a lot like ash). but scully tells him it was all over the ground. right after, the car loses power and they lose nine minutes. scully doesn’t witness the time change but mulder is ecstatic.

this all leads to the motel room scene. scully has marks on her back and she can’t see them and the marks on peggy o’dell scared her. you could see it in her face, even through her anger & annoyance with mulder. the fact that she goes running to mulder, clearly afraid and vulnerable…it showed something else to mulder. this moment lets him see beyond ‘scully’s a spy” and her disbelief/skepticism. mulder cares about people, and he cares about scully despite himself. so when she turns into his chest, he puts his arm on her shoulder. shocked at her vulnerability, the way she seeks comfort from him. mulder lets her stay in his room, gives her a blanket to curl up on his bed as he sits below her and tells her about samantha.

usually this scene is discussed because of the intimacy between mulder & scully, but we learn a lot about the mytharc here too. samantha “disappeared from her bed one night” and there was no evidence, no contact, and no one would talk about it. he went to oxford, got recruited by the bureau. (while they’re having this conversation, someone is lurking outside the motel room.) he finds the x files and he was allowed to indulge because of his success and connections. mulder tells scully:

i’m telling you this, scully, because you need to know, because of what you’ve seen. in my research, i’ve worked very closely with a man named dr. heitz werber and he’s taken me through deep regression hypnosis. i’ve been able to go into my own repressed memories to the night my sister disappeared. i can recall a bright light outside and a presence in the room. i was paralyzed, unable to respond to my sister’s calls for help…listen to me, scully, this thing exists…the government knows about it, and i gotta know what they’re protecting. nothing else matters to me, and this is as close as i’ve ever gotten to it.

he covers sam’s abduction, how he found the x files, why he’s allowed to work on them, and the first inkling (for the audience) of a government conspiracy.

this is when mulder gets the call about peggy o’dell. (scully’s jump at the phone ringing is striking. she was so focused on mulder and what he was telling her, everything else faded away.) they go to the scene and mulder is shocked to hear peggy was running – “on foot?” just really cracks me up. as he’s focused on talking to the man driving, scully is taking a look at peggy’s body and makes note of the time on her watch, which is stopped. but just then, mulder learns ray soames’ corpse is missing. when they get back to the motel, it’s on fire with scully’s laptop, pictures and evidence inside.

theresa nemman approaches them in the chaos, they take her to a diner to hear what she has to say. she talks about finding herself in the woods, not knowing how she got there. she tells them she has the marks on her back too. she’s afraid she’s going to die too. her nose starts to bleed, like peggy’s did earlier, and as scully jumps up to grab napkins for her, theresa’s father, dr. nemman shows up with detective miles to take her home. this is when they realize det. miles’ is billy’s father.

mulder & scully have a brief conversation, brimming with their frustrations of losing their files & evidence, being denied access to a girl who needs help and wanted to talk, realizing how much these men are concealing. scully’s putting together dr. nemman’s & det. miles’ involvement. “they know” vs “they know something” – leading to mulder’s ultimate question (at this moment lol) of what’s in the other graves. when they go to check, the graves have already been dug up. the only other bodies already taken. at the graves, mulder puts together that billy miles is responsible. scully starts to follow his thoughts. he talks about time being stopped, he pauses “you think i’m crazy” and scully…she’s silent for a moment before telling him about peggy o’dell’s watch. another huge moment to me. she doesn’t believe it’s alien abduction, but she starts to understand the way mulder’s mind works, the connections he makes and the subsequent leaps. she doesn't keep this information from him despite it feeding a theory she doesn't agree with.

they head over to see billy miles. mulder talks to the nurse and scully starts to examine billy, finding his feet dirty, covered in the same dirt she found in the forest. a boy, who has been in a coma for years, completely bedridden and seemingly unaware of what’s happening around him. and scully is ready to run with this. he was out in the woods!!! and another important moment, mulder grounds her. reminds her of what she needs to do, her reports, procedure. and i think this is the moment that cements their roles – but shows they can also switch as need arises. mulder didn't understand how much he needed the science & evidence until he had someone ready to find it. so they go back out to the woods to get another sample of the dirt. that’s when they hear theresa scream and they go running. det. miles hits scully over the head and goes running after mulder, holding him at gunpoint as theresa continues to scream. and i love this moment too, because mulder appeals to this man’s better nature, urging him not to let billy kill another person. mulder stops him from shooting his son too. we see the marks on billy’s back, as a white light starts to overtake the scene with leaves blowing like a cyclone around billy & theresa. when the light finally fades, billy is conscious again, theresa is safe and the marks are gone from billy’s back. instantaneously.

the ending scenes are billy under hypnotic regression with dr. werber. mulder in the room with them. scully, blevins, the other man from scully’s meeting, and csm observing. billy talks about the aliens, the tests, the implant. the tests didn’t work, and the aliens were destroying the evidence. killing the abductees…mulder and scully make eye contact through the glass. cut to scully reporting to blevins. she can’t substantiate anything, they have no evidence, how do you prosecute?? this is what blevins & company care about. but scully held onto one piece of evidence: the implant, made of a metal that could not be identified, the implant billy miles claimed was controlling him. she leaves it with blevins, and when she exits, she watches csm enter blevins’ office. she has no idea who this man is, but he has been present at crucial moments and she took notice. she doesn’t understand yet but she won’t forget him.

in the end, mulder calls scully late at night to tell her the case file on billy miles has disappeared. csm is walking into the pentagon storage facility, filing away the metal implant with others just like it.

the pilot really lays a lot of groundwork. the implants, the marks/scars. the abduction experience, time loss, electronic interference, hypnotic regression. deformed corpses. government connections. disappearing evidence, constant interference. samantha’s abduction.

episode connections (before i watch future episodes):

conduit: small detail, but the ash-like dirt reminds me of the sand & glass at lake okobogee.

duane barry: he has an implant in his nasal cavity, much like the one they find. later on, in the anasazi trilogy, we learn scully has a chip in her neck which later connects her to other female abductees and carries through to cassandra in patient x/the red and the black.

cancer arc: billy miles indicates the exact place scully gets cancer.

reduxes: blevins is exposed as the mole. for the first part of the first season, scully reports to him until the x files is reassigned to skinner’s jurisdiction. his involvement isn’t fully explored, but he doesn’t completely disappear.

deadalive: ray soames’ transformation – possibly a failed attempt of what happens to billy miles & others, and nearly happens to mulder. also similar to the bodies mulder finds in anasazi.

csm: he’s there for scully’s meeting with blevins, he is there at the end for billy miles’ hypnotic regression. he is the most prominent figure in the conspiracy, as far as what we see, with a direct hand in scully’s & mulder’s experiences.

samantha’s abduction: there are two different versions of her abduction. truthfully, i think they just changed the story to work better for them. BUT (as i’ve mentioned before) i think it fits well into the mytharc later on – within the framework of the show, i think it’s possible samantha was abducted twice. conduit, paper hearts, demons, and another episode.

myth x:

one thing i really do like about this book is that it breaks down all the players. each group of aliens are given a clear name (which appear in the show but was never completely clear to me until this time around). michelle bush purports that the aliens abducting the oregon teens are walk-ins, representing the divine. they’re supposedly good but don’t know how to go about their goals. in some ways, this rings true. it’s the walk-ins that “save” samantha from more suffering. it’s like the walk-ins cassandra spender believes are trying to help them. bush describes their goal as “reintegration of both halves of the whole (alien and human) using natural means; this results in a single sentience allowing a return to physical and spiritual harmony.” which on paper, doesn’t sound bad. but their methods are as harmful as any of the others (alien and human alike).