#post 23 i look at 22 me and feel like i changed from a gas to solid

[lilgynt]

i think the feeling of falling behind while still being actively moving in life is a little funny

[dari-ede]

In the Middle of the Night: Chapter 24

Chapter 24: "Si lo forzás se marchita"

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

AN: And it’s back! Thank you everyone for your patience. It’s been quite the 2 months. Hopefully, I’ll be able to come back to a regular weekly, or at least Bi-weekly, posting. Happy reading! 🥰

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Pairing: Idol!RM/Namjoon x OFC

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Rating: M (mention of sexual assault, explicit language, sexual scenes in prior chapters)

Status: COMPLETE

Trigger warnings: hurt, heartache, anxiety (there are a lot of feels in this one)

Warnings: a BRIEF description of sexual assault (look for ***)

*****************

I don’t think I have ever cried as much as I did on that first day. There was a tightness in my chest like I was trying to breathe underwater. My ribs felt cracked from the numerous attempts of taking in a full breath. My lungs weren’t getting enough oxygen, the sobbing made it hard to. When my mouth would open, at first I thought it was to absorb the colorless gas my body needed to survive but instead, it was to let out sounds I had never heard myself make. It was a siren-type wail. I felt like La Llorona, searching for the person I cared most for but couldn’t find. Couldn’t find him because the monster inside me had caused him to leave. I had caused the destruction. I had murdered what I treasured most. I was the reason for my own pain.

I wanted nothing more than to call him. I would grovel and beg—whatever he wanted, I would do. Whatever demands he had, I would obediently follow. I would do it all just to have him back. To have him close.

I didn’t care how pathetic I sounded. Didn’t care how wrecked I looked.

I just wanted to breathe again. And he was the source of it.

It was in those first hours of crying out in agony that I realized the truth of what Namjoon had become for me. He had become the most vital chemical element to keep my body alive: oxygen. The little air I was able to inhale felt so wrong, almost poisonous. Rather than healing me, it was slowly killing me.

Fuck, I was so pitiful.

I was in pieces for a guy who didn’t feel the same for me as I did for him. Didn’t see a proper woman he wanted to be with. Didn’t recognize me as a person to respect.

“You’ve given it up easy before.”

Fresh, boiling tears made their way down my overheated face as the words echoed over and over and over. The siren came back out.

My stomach began to cramp from the shaking. My body automatically curled up, trying to ease the pain.

I think that’s how my tia found me.

At first, I didn’t recognize the voice. It sounded too high, too screechy. Tia Jia was normally so calm and sweet sounding. Had it not been for the familiar smell of orange blossom, I wouldn’t have known it was her.

I’m not sure where she found me, but I was certain it wasn’t in my room. I don’t know how I managed to drive myself home that night, but I remember parking. I recall entering my house. I think I might have sat on the couch? The living room was the last thing I remembered physically seeing. Everything after was a blur—literally. The tears made it difficult to see anything.

The next time I recognized my surroundings, I was in my bed.

My head felt like it was splitting into pieces, but I was aware of my aunt holding me. Her scent and embrace sent a bit of warmth through me. When I realized she was there, I only cried harder. It was like I was a toddler and the only way I would feel better was through her touch and words. That’s what moms are for, right? To erase all the pain and make everything better?

I clutched her desperately. Praying she would be able to eradicate the ache.

But after what seemed an eternity, it was still there. The fucking pain was still present. It was the first time in my memory that my tia Jia couldn’t make it better. And this made my chest shatter. The siren in me wailed until my vocals gave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sweetheart, you have to eat.”

My tia Jia was sitting next to me in my bed, a tray on her lap.

The motherly strokes on my hair were comforting, but still not enough. It had been a while since my body exhausted itself. Tears were still coming out and my stomach, chest, and head still felt like they had gone through a car crash, but at least the wailing and shaking stopped. I could take normal breaths now, even though it still felt wrong.

“Sweetheart?” Tia Jia’s voice sounded strained, like in pain. I was alert enough to detect it.

There was another kick to the stomach. I felt guilty for my state. It must be tough on her. I could at least answer her. “No, thank you,” I let out. It hurt to speak.

My aunt heard the scratchiness in my voice. “At least have some water. Please.”

She sounded so desperate. I couldn’t say no. I lifted my hand, motioning for the water.

She quickly handed me the flask, which thankfully had a straw attached to it. I wouldn’t have to sit up to drink from it. Bringing the straw to my lips, I took a sip. My throat and dehydrated skin welcomed it. I was about to put it back down, but my logical mind forced my mouth to take at least one more long sip.

Closing the straw, I set down the flask next to me.

There was silence for a while again. The only thing I could feel was my tia’s touch on my hair and face.

Finally, she spoke up. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Warm, new tears flowed down my cheeks.

“Did something happen with Namjoon?” she asked, gently.

I sniffed. “He broke it off.”

She let out a pained sigh. “Why?”

“I can’t do this, Maya. I can’t be in a relationship where it’s just about sex. I want more.”

New sobs began to make their way through my chest and traveled up my throat and down my eyes. “I’m not what he wants.”

It felt like a knife cut into my chest again. My old wounds still had not healed, so they quickly reopened.

Many years ago I developed a crush on Namjoon. I was quick to recognize it. However, for many reasons, I suppressed those emotions. One of those reasons had been that I knew I wasn’t his type. Physically or emotionally. Sure, he had eventually found me attractive and he started to develop a crush on me back. But he had realized last night I wasn’t built to be someone he could have a relationship with.

Namjoon was someone who loved to talk about philosophy and the human condition. We shared plenty of deep conversations, but I had never been able to fully let him in. There would always be a wall that prevented him from fully entering. And I just couldn’t take it down.

I explained little bits to my tia Jia about what Namjoon had said. I mentioned how my mother had called about the fucker. I admitted that I was still unable to talk to Namjoon about the incident and I wasn’t entirely sure if I wanted to tell him about it. It was because of all my issues that made Namjoon not want me.

I curled into a ball as I finished my story to my tia. My stomach aches were starting again and my heart was racing pretty fast.

My tia applied some pressure on my chest. “Breathe, sweetheart. Breathe.”

I followed her instructions. It took a few minutes but I had settled down again.

When my aunt felt safe to speak again, she did. “Sweetheart…what is keeping you from being fully transparent with Namjoon?”

I gave a pathetic shrug and didn’t answer. I knew it was a childish response.

“Well, I think it would be a good thing to figure out, don’t you think so?” she lightly pressed.

“Even if I did open up, I’m not what he wants, tia,” I mumbled.

“Now what would make you say that?” There was a bit of chiding in her tone.

“Because he’s known me for how long and I just now started catching his eye? He only became interested in me because I was the only girl around him who was available. After his bad break up, he’s been looking for a rebound.” I was finally voicing fleeting thoughts I had had in the starting part of my relationship with Namjoon. These thoughts had never lingered for too long, but in a state of complete low, my self-pity was scrapping for any negativity it could find.

My aunt wasn’t about to let me swim in that self-pity, though. “That breakup happened two years ago. His rebound was that girl he dated briefly earlier in the year. You are not his rebound.”

There was silence again.

My brain internally battled with my broken heart. Logically, I believed my tia Jia’s words, but the ache in my chest was marinading in the words that had shattered me.

“You’ve given it up easily before, whatever. I’m not that way.”

“The fact that…you did that with me…. I just don’t know how to feel about that.”

“We started this wrong. But like a fucking horndog, I gave in.”

“I can’t even say we can go back to being friends because I can’t. I can’t and won’t go back to that. I respect myself too much.”

“He still doesn’t want to be with me,” I said as my throat tightened. “It doesn’t matter if I tell him what he wants to hear. At the end of the day, my self-respect apparently doesn’t align with his. I’ll always be the girl who took it up the ass.”

“What?” Tia Jia asked, thrown off.

I hadn’t shared this piece of information with my aunt. The detail was a little too intimate for me to have shared with her. But I had spilled the beans; she couldn’t unhear it and I couldn’t unsay it.

“We had sex before the fight—before my mother called. It was anal.” I felt a flush of embarrassment hit my cheeks and neck, but I continued speaking. “During the fight, he brought up how he valued the act we had committed and I didn’t. I'm just a slut in his eyes.”

“He did not call you that,” my tia said with conviction. But then a beat later, she doubted herself. “Did he?”

“He might as well have,” I said in a small voice.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she said simply. She didn’t say anything else, though. This time, she let me cry and wallow in my self-pity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I honestly couldn’t remember how that night went. I mostly stayed in my room. My tia stayed the night with me. I caught her a couple of times on my phone. I was sure she was taking care of things for me, not that I had a lot of meetings. I might have had one, but I honestly couldn’t care less about it.

I was grateful she was there to handle it.

I had never felt this vulnerable before. Never been so pathetic. The last time I felt this low had been many years ago when my cousin died. But that had been a different kind of heartache. I dealt with the death mostly in anger. This time, there was no one but me to be angry at.

And as much as I wanted to bathe in self-anger, I couldn’t. Sorrow was all I could feel.

My tia eventually had to leave. “Your Uncle John has an appointment, sweetheart. If you want, I can come right after.”

I shook my head at her. “I’m good.”

She stared at the food next to me on the bed. “At least eat the vegetables, please. You didn’t eat dinner last night and this morning, you only had a few grapes. Lunch was left completely untouched. The least you can do is eat the vegetables.”

I reached out to my plate and grabbed a celery, taking a bite without a word.

“Thank you,” she said genuinely. She began to gather her things. “If you need anything, just go downstairs. Someone’s here to keep an eye on you.”

I wanted to argue with her and tell her I didn’t need looking after. I was positive she had called Jenny, her daughter and my best friend from childhood, to come look after me. However, I knew my tia well enough to know it would do no good.

She came around and gave me a soft kiss. “I’m only a phone call away. Do you want your cell with you?” she asked as she motioned towards my night table.

I shook my head. It was getting close to it being 48 hours since I touched that thing. I wanted to stay away from it for as long as possible.

“Love you,” she said as she disappeared into the hall.

I rolled over and closed my eyes, hoping sleep would come fast.

It did manage to come for several hours but my body had had enough of it. When I woke up, the stars had replaced the sun in the sky. There was a sudden sharp pain in my head. My body was angry at me for neglecting it. I pushed off the bed and felt an immediate cold.

I put on some pajama bottoms and put on thick socks. I think I had showered sometime yesterday because I surprisingly didn’t feel crusty. I touched my hair, feeling it damp. It was the confirmation I needed that I had, in fact showered sometime in the last 24 hours. Sometimes, I tended to put my hair up in a bun right after showering. This only prolonged my thick hair from fully drying.

After applying more layers of clothes and being grateful for not smelling, I took the plate of food that was still on my bed and took my water flask. Maybe I could microwave the food.

As I made my way down the hall, I adjusted the thermostat to warm up the house and went to get my food reheated.

Coming closer to the kitchen, I noticed the lights were on. After entering, I quickly saw the refrigerator open and a person standing behind it. Jenny must be up for a late-night snack.

“Don’t eat the cake; it’s gone bad,” I warned.

“I’m not craving sweets anyway,” came a deep and husky voice.

My heart stopped, panicking. I didn’t recognize the voice right away, so I acted on instinct. I placed down my food and took hold of the nearest, heavy object.

Before I could demand who was in my house, Yoongi’s head popped out from the other side of the fridge.

I let out a heavy and relieved sigh. “Son of a bitch, Yoongi. You scared the shit out of me.” I set down the heavy object, which turned out to be a rather pricey jar. Thank god I hadn’t used it. That would have been an expensive mistake.

He frowned. “I thought eomeonim told you I was here.”

I had completely forgotten I had invited Yoongi and his team to stay at my house. I had mentioned it to my Tia Jia after Yoongi agreed to stay over. The day we decided on Yoongi coming over, I was set to have a meeting. Tia Jia was going to be here to let Yoongi and the two guys in. That must have been last night. Or this morning. Shit, what day were we on?

I rubbed my head, feeling the sharp pain in my head again.

“Hungry?” Yoongi asked, a small hint of concern in his voice.

I nodded. “I was going to heat this up,” I said, motioning to the food.

He stared at the plate for a moment, no emotion given. Then reached over, took it, and placed it away from me. “Want a sandwich?” he asked as he turned around to the refrigerator again.

“It’s fine. I can just heat up the plate.”

“It’s gone bad.”

“Since when are you picky?” I asked, feeling irritated all of a sudden. “I’ve eaten pizza that’s been sitting out for 2 days.”

“Bet your stomach didn’t feel proud about that,” he muttered, taking out ingredients.

“I’m alive still, aren’t I?” I shot back.

He turned to me and did a once-over on me. He shook his head in disbelief. “Have you looked in the mirror? You look like death.”

I flipped him off.

That made him crack a smile. He reached for my water flask and filled it up.

I gladly took it, drinking a long sip.

We were quiet for a while as he put together a sandwich for me. Yoongi and I had eaten together plenty of times, not to mention cooked alongside one another. He knew my preferences.

After a long moment, he finally spoke up. “How you feeling?”

I took a breath, starting to feel my stomach get queasy. “Like shit,” I said genuinely.

I felt his eyes on me. He went still for a long moment, probably assessing what he could and should say.

There was a yearning in me that wanted to ask Yoongi about Namjoon. Fuck, just thinking of his name squeezed at my chest. An image of his beautiful dimples crossed my mind. The cluster of freckles across his nose and eyes would turn into a constellation whenever he smiled a certain way. But then the red eyes that were so full of hurt that night replaced the image, breaking my heart all over again.

The sound of a plate being placed down made me snap to the present. In front of me was a very good-looking sandwich. I knew Yoongi’s skills enough to know it was delicious. Yet, I had little interest in eating it. I knew my body needed to eat, so I took a few bites. I tasted the flavors of the ingredients and knew they were a perfect fusion, but I still felt zero enthusiasm for it. I managed to eat half of it, my stomach somewhat satisfied. After a few more sips of water, I felt the headache start to wear off.

When Yoongi noticed I was done eating, he finally spoke up. “Want to talk about it?”

It was strange because I did and I didn’t. I didn’t want to relive that night. But I also knew I needed to let out my emotions.

I took a breath and tried to control the tears that started to form in my eyes. “I can’t give him what he wants.” Saying the truth out loud hurt a lot more than just thinking about it.

He was silent for a moment before he spoke. “And what does he want?”

The warm tears made their way down. “Not me.”

There was silence for a long moment. The truth lingered in the air and pressed down on me.

After a long moment, Yoongi finally spoke. “Namjoon very rarely goes after something he is not sure about.”

There was almost a somber look on his face. He wasn’t looking at me, but in so many ways, it certainly felt like he was looking right into my eyes.

“He wants you, Maya.”

Conflicting emotions ran through me at hearing this. I knew Yoongi well enough to know that he was always honest. He would never say something he didn’t mean just to spare my feelings or make me feel better. But then Namjoon’s words the other night echoed in my head, telling me that I wasn’t what Namjoon wanted. It was so hard to think clearly.

“You don’t think he does.” Yoongi’s voice was soft and certain.

I gave a short nod, not trusting myself to speak without becoming a sobbing mess.

Yoongi let out a heavy sigh. “Sad.”

I was confused about what he meant by that. But, again, I was too scared to use words at the moment.

He stayed in the kitchen with me as I picked through my food. Eventually, we made our way over to the backyard where he drank his whisky into the night and I curled on the outside couch and looked up into the dark sky. I searched through the constellations, trying to find the freckles that would hopefully give me some solace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next couple of days passed slowly. My tia called several times, checking on me. I didn’t stay long with her on the phone, finding my throat too sore to speak for too long.

She didn’t push it. For a brief moment, I was a little confused why she wasn’t calling more often or insisting I stay on the phone with her longer. However, I noticed how closely Yoongi observed me. He usually was in the room with me or in the next room. I caught him texting a lot.

He used his phone for researching random facts, watching movies, documentaries, and playing odd mobile games. He had plenty of friends he messaged. Yes, he was usually glued to his phone, but I still noticed he was on it more than usual. I was certain he was keeping Tia Jia up to date about me.

Had his staff been around, I would have felt embarrassed about being treated like some fragile kid, but thankfully, Yoongi had sent them away insisting they explore the city on their own. A part of me wondered if they had heard about my walk of shame. Did they hear about how I had left Namjoon’s hotel room looking like some cheap whore?

The sting lingered throughout my chest, cracking my ribs.

“Wanna go for a walk?” Yoongi asked, pulling me away from my heartache.

It was night and I lived in a secluded area. Even if we came across other people, they wouldn’t be able to see us clearly. They wouldn’t notice Yoongi. I thought for a moment, debating with myself. I hadn’t left my house in days; hadn’t seen other faces. I had been bathing in my self-pity for many nights. Maybe it was time I snapped out of it. A walk would be good.

After nodding, we got ourselves ready and headed toward the beach.

We walked along the sand for a long while, and no words were said.

Eventually, Yoongi spoke. “How you feeling?”

Since the first night he had arrived, he asked me this towards the end of the day.

I gave a shrug. “A little better.”

He gave a nod. “Have you gone through your messages yet?” he asked carefully.

I had confessed to him yesterday morning I hadn’t looked through my messages since that night. I was scared to see Namjoon’s name on it—I couldn’t deal with reading through his words. Would they cut deeper? Bury me lower than I already was?

But what if he hadn’t written me? Somehow, his sending me nothing would be much worse.

Looking through my messages right now wouldn’t do me any good. I shook my head.

Yoongi let out a heavy sigh, similar to the one he had given the other night.

The scene replayed in my head and I remembered my unspoken question. I couldn’t ask it that night, but I could tonight. “What did you mean when you said ‘sad’ the other night?”

Yoongi was quiet for a moment. It was like he was thinking about his words carefully before speaking to them out loud. “I find it sad that you’re not allowing someone to truly see you.”

I was too stunned by his words to give a vocal response. My head turned to him, wondering if he was going to further elaborate.

He did. Keeping his eyes ahead, he continued his walk and I kept up. “As a friend of yours, I’ve seen parts of you—some of them aren’t great qualities—and still, I love you.”

Tears came to my eyes. It was rare to hear Yoongi tell me he loved me. Any time he did, it would move me because I knew it wasn't easy for him.

“You’ve been around Namjoon during some of his bad moments; moments that would paint him negatively. Do you feel differently about him—knowing and witnessing his bad qualities?”

Shaking I said softly but strongly, “No.”

“How do you feel after seeing him make mistakes and show his flaws?”

Moments of bad decisions Namjoon had made in his past crossed my mind. Yoongi’s question lingered throughout the memories. And all I could feel was my heart grow warm and expand.

I could feel Yoongi’s eyes on me. I hadn’t said a thing but seemed to be hearing my thoughts. “That’s what it means to care about someone—to accept the good and the bad. Whatever shit you’re afraid of in your past, fuck it. Don’t let it keep you from allowing someone amazing like Namjoon in.”

Suddenly, the face of the fucker entered my mind.

******His hands on me. I sat frozen, feeling my body lit up in flames.*******

Was the fucker the reason why I had this goddamn wall up? I thought I had moved on from him. Had he crept back into my subconscious and made me vulnerable again? Was he the reason why a wall existed that prevented me from allowing Namjoon in?

These last few days I thought it was just the way I was built. I could never be what Namjoon needed. I wasn’t made to let someone fully in. Having gone through therapy years ago I thought that I had grown as much as I could have.

I felt the arms around me before the tears. It wasn’t until Yoongi was hugging me that I noticed I had been crying. My face was wet, my nose was runny.

“It’s not just Namjoon that would like to break down that wall,” Yoongi said softly as he held me. “We all notice it. Some of us understand on a more personal level than others, unfortunately."

We shared a knowing look. He was meaning himself. Yoongi also had his wall. 

"You feel it's easier to keep people at a distance," he said, holding eye contact. "The guys taught me differently."

I looked away, feeling a bit of shame for having my faults.

Yoongi kept talking. "The guys and I normally never push—Namjoon especially. He respects boundaries. He allows everyone to open up at their own pace. But it's different with you. He needs more. And I believe you need more, too.”

Suddenly, my heartache grew. It was no longer just about a breakup. It was about learning that I was broken.

I needed fixing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I picked up my phone. My finger hovered over my KakaoTalk app. Dozens of notifications were still unread. Were any of them from Namjoon?

As much as I wanted to look through them, I knew deep down I shouldn’t click on them.

Not yet.

My finger moved over to Contacts, selecting and calling the person I was needing the most.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes were focused on the assistant’s desk. Since walking through the door, the feeling of déjà vu had been lingering through the air.

The lobby had remained the same. The portraits on the walls hadn’t changed. The couch I was sitting on was the same one as years ago.

I clutched my phone, this time having no one on the other end that was cheering me on for being where I was.

The urge to turn my phone on and go directly to my messages was strong. But like I had the other million times, I ignored it.

In my deluded, damaged mind I saw him sitting next to me. His dimples were deep and beautiful. That proud look was written all over his face.

“Hi, Maya. Come on in,” Dr. Rob said gently with a kind smile.

I returned the smile and got to my feet. As I made my way into his office, I could clearly hear Namjoon’s deep, timber voice behind me.

“hwaiting!”

As pathetic as it appeared, it worked. I felt a sudden burst of courage.

---------------

MASTERLIST

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

[amanyxia]

I should be writing right now but answering random questions seems more interesting to me

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

Closed... Gotta keep my demons away from my dreams

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?

I do, except the last hotel I stayed at literally had them bolted into the shower, bastards

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

Tucked under me like I'm in a cocoon

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

No, but the thought was there..

5: Do you like to use post-it notes?

I honestly probably should but I haven't bought any to use. Maybe someday.

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

I used to, but now I avoid taking coupons at all for that reason. I'm too forgetful

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?

Bring on the bees, maybe I can reason with them better

8: Do you have freckles?

I have some in the summer

9: Do you always smile for pictures?

No, but I try to

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?

When people don't clean up after themselves, especially people at work

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

Yess

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?

Nope

13: What about pooped in the woods?

I'm so spoiled to have a bidet that I don't think I could do it lmao

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?

No. I need to feel some music to dance

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?

No, that's just abuse

16: How many people have you slept with this week?

I live a boring one-person life but that's alright, it's exciting enough for me

17: What size is your bed?

Queen

18: What is your Song of the week?

As They Bloom - Unlike Pluto

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

Yes

20: Do you still watch cartoons?

Sometimes. I need to connect with my inner child more

21: Whats your least favorite movie?

I really hate War films, they just bore me

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

Somewhere abandoned but cool, like maybe an abandoned haunted house would be cool

23: What do you drink with dinner?

Water or Almond Milk

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

Ketchup. I drown them in a delicious blood bath of ketchup.

25: What is your favorite food?

I really love pasta, or my homemade meatloaf is pretty damn fire too

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

Tim Burton films, Lord of the Rings trilogy, Studio Ghibli films, just to name a few....

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?

The dogs count as people right?

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

Girl Scout!!

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

Yeah, fuck it. I work hard on my body at the gym, it's looking pretty good.

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

Wasn't fully a letter and they're dead but, two months ago?

31: Can you change the oil on a car?

Love cars, don't know a thing about them

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

No, because I don't drive but if I did drive I'm pretty sure I would

33: Ever ran out of gas?

Nope

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?

Turkey bacon from Subway is beast or just a quick bologna sandwich from my kitchen mmm, I'm basic

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?

Big ass omellete

36: What is your usual bedtime?

1PM, I'm a night owl but I love my mornings more than my afternoons

37: Are you lazy?

I have my days

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

A kitty! Meow :3

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?

Ox

40: How many languages can you speak?

English 

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

Nope

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?

I'm more familiar with Legos

43: Are you stubborn?

Yes

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman?

It's been a while, Leno...?

45: Ever watch soap operas?

God no. My parents used to watch Days of Their Lives and seeing that was enough

46: Are you afraid of heights?

Deathly, though going on rollercoasters and big waterslides this year helped some

47: Do you sing in the car?

If I'm vibing with what's playing, sure

48: Do you sing in the shower?

The shower is made for karaoke time

49: Do you dance in the car?

Kinda, I probably look more like I'm seizuring to the oncoming cars

50: Ever used a gun?

I have but not the deadly ones

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Years ago

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?

I think it really depends on the musical

53: Is Christmas stressful?

Technically, no. Traumatically? Yes.

54: Ever eat a pierogi?

I think so...

55: Favorite type of fruit pie?

Apple!

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Therapist, Writer, Photographer, Graphic Designer, Programmer..

57: Do you believe in ghosts?

Yeah, pretty sure work has a few somehow. Those poor ghosts

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

It happens quite a bit

59: Take a vitamin daily?

I take multiple vitamins

60: Wear slippers?

I did until the dog wanted a snack...

61: Wear a bath robe?

Sometimes

62: What do you wear to bed?

Oversized shirt, no pants = the way to go

63: First concert?

L.A. Guns I think...

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Wal-Mart

65: Nike or Adidas?

Honestly? Neither

66:Cheetos Or Fritos?

Fritos smell like dog feet but my salty ass loves them

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

I'll put any nut or seed in my mouth...

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

Noo....

69: Ever take dance lessons?

Nope. Been dancing on my own since I was a kid though, I think I do alright

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

Eventually some kind of big leading position at his job

71: Can you curl your tongue?

Unfortunately, I don't have any cool tricks with my tongue...

72: Ever won a spelling bee?

Never ended up entering one in school, always wanted to. My spelling has always been pretty good

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

Yeah, I'm a crybaby over anything though

74: Own any record albums?

Currently looking to build up my little collection

75: Own a record player?

Yesss

76: Regularly burn incense?

Yeah, Dragon's Blood is best

77: Ever been in love?

Yeah

78: Who would you like to see in concert?

Would really love to trip at a Tool show

79: What was the last concert you saw?

Last went to Emo Night. But as for a big concert, Incubus and Badflower with Paris Jackson. All amazing.

80: Hot tea or cold tea?

If it's not hot it's not for me

81: Tea or coffee?

Tea. All day every day. Coffee if I need that added speed but I typically don't appreciate the anxiety that comes after

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?

I'm a slut for a good snickerdoodle

83: Can you swim well?

No, but my ass can keep me afloat pretty well

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Yeah

85: Are you patient?

Not really, a work in progress though 

86: DJ or band, at a wedding?

Imagine a band and how dope that'd be...

87: Ever won a contest?

I don't believe so

88: Ever have plastic surgery?

Nope

89: Which are better black or green olives?

Black olives 

90: Can you knit or crochet?

No

91: Best room for a fireplace?

Mmm big master bedroom with a nice fireplace. Sleepy time and sexy time would be a lot... hotter

92: Do you want to get married?

Yes but not... But also yes. It wouldn't be the end of the world if I didn't. Just as long as I have a loyal lover by my side is all I need.

93: If married, how long have you been married?

Imagine being with someone for 69 years. Do you think they do 69 to celebrate?

94: Who was your HS crush?

Some loud party girl that only played me in the end...

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

Used to years ago. I grew up. Hit me if I ever do that again.

96: Do you have kids?

Just the four-legged babies

97: Do you want kids

No, but then I think I don't want to die alone. But the logical part of me says I couldn't handle it.

98: Whats your favorite color?

Red, Purple, Forest green are best colors

99: Do you miss anyone right now?

Yeah.... I do

[libidomechanica]

Softly, in their slender fingers though the specious stone

A limerick sequence

               1

Softly, in their slender fingers though the specious stone when all your world laid    young Corinthian Lycius!    Device but internal motions, lations of our choosing!

               2

Of touch of earthly years. The wisest run. And spiral-talk. Not that way heals    his heart. What a world was    searched, through the seasons: sneakers and flip-flops. And seal forever.

               3

Why dost thou, unknown some time when we know it is built of alabaster    pure; gold is the roots&bottom    of, my eyes and Stella loue. But ere he is disamed.

               4

The murderers hung by the sun; coral is far more is not therefore the    way to it. Anonymously    political blocking plan; forsters, Fenwicks, and bliss!

               5

So all the year; and red with arrowy smarts, that would knock me down in the    cloth. Voice to me do the    marble door, shit wrapped in a newspaper posted onto thee.

               6

Like a grave, be mouldering now in silence, and less to a dying flame!    Possessions of the lythe    Caducean charm.&To those light to be, the bride kiss’d sae fondly!

               7

As interest of them my life has found a tongue, sleep. All the worst of wrongs    bewrayed, and found; I grant    my boon! Bred in my beloved by men. Softly, in their packs.

               8

With thickset fruits do flow. Whether he know? Admit impediments. Not a    woman is all they, my    soul helps soul! Drop of water has cured its sound were called again.

               9

I am mad the wayside to live alone. Enjoy, girls, and me, i’ll troubled    by an Angel mild:    witless wood of those blest eyes, wherein affection everywhere.

               10

To which a state to me do the throe! And as he from shore to live and they    are, that take, I must Stellaes    heart. There, gallant came red. Dying in thee, through all these worms.

               11

That I might seem dash’d by thy streams that same golden atoms of the middle    of myself, the strut and    thee, Eliza, is thy purity; and yet I know it not.

               12

Kneeling not the jewel, here is the Fountain from the proper person! From his    wife moves next to you be    kind or changing down his hearts and is lost nymph of this perhaps.

               13

Thou canst not sit below. From them heard sometimes come to ye, my lad, o whistle,    an’ I’ll come to ye,    my love in me? Streams thy purity; and in thee feel alone.

               14

And waken unavailing tear. And sped why fear and all loveliness.    But when your loves; but nothing    thee virtue and hawthorn’s bloodless love; and her neck so fair?

               15

The square a dead and look on Heaven in a rage. With strange low sobs that towered    lea spread a green    seraglio has its eunuchs too, lest any tyrant him outdo.

               16

Help me! For pleasant fruit. Your straw. If John Coltrane had never shaken; it    is sad? Weaving her bright.    But what’s to do? Thus gentle heart is like to spree. Corrupting.

               17

As thou vanishest so I shall stir or live more taking throat’s long, long    melodious lyre. Are    convenient upper boxes too, lest any tyrant him outdo.

               18

Where gainst my face. In well-raisde notes indissectible&extending small lights,    and in the embrace; I    love their arms, it seems the close my eyes squinched the maw-crammed beast?

               19

Eye, and come as ye were yon red rose, that night, and from the show and white. Said    he, why do you beware    of the worse have match’d to trace them to the clay that none as I.

               20

For sunlight not as his soul to suit, whose action of words. Came this sweet love.    Yet them thus, she seemed a    thing of love; and all my love with your mother die or tire.

               21

Why time spins fast, why passion on her beauty new and exquisite? No lessons    can be the same, give    life succeed in that stand still unshent, and he threw down the cloth.

               22

Not pointing bee, reaching Sleepe most despisèd lover, dead. The festal board, lamp’s    flash and true’ varying    to leave me, if all faint Elysium, or whether he know?

               23

And, pledging aft to meet again I would fail and milk and down the sight of    their packs. Her giant heart    be his guard; thou should gae mad, with doing all my every joy.

               24

Did I,—to the least part this wide night for here is a garden in the grass    by night to thee. I never    sting the flower to fail: what I am cattle to be!

               25

My mother an’ a’ should fain his Redress. To screendoors of the lythe Caducean    charm. Till Cherry ripe    themselves looking the God fostering clay, gross clay invades it.

               26

So fair, so young bird whose porch, mid baskets heap’d of amorous thrown her    animal awesome I would    have been a caring, idle toys, amid their griefs in the vale?

               27

Up the moon. That parly all these spindrift pages nor heed my craft or sullen    might; seal’d on her lone    complain, swoon’d, murmured dawn conspiracies our telephone calls.

               28

Their power, which the humble rug. Tho’ father, his hand’s light and lips! Yourself    the way how the gallants,    you be kind of intoxication and now unpossible.

               29

She has a meadow, but no such rose make ours, which ran the dark veins, that same    year were smoothly pass their    packs. The though someone always had: as a kid, it was a man!

[putrefyingflames]

Okay so I haven’t been able to find this anywhere, I wanna make a record of everything that’s been painted on the bass drum at every show. I’m starting with North America and the ones I can easily find. If you can reblog and add any that are missing (or any that haven't happened yet as of first posting), that would be a big help! And any photos. I’ll make a separate post for Europe research and then a master post when I have them all!

EDIT: There's a tweet thread for all of these that can be found here and includes digital line art of every drum! thank you to @thatkindagirl for letting me know! There's also a list and lineart for all the Europe stops here.

Aug 20, Oklahoma City OK - BIG DEATH ENERGY

Aug 21, San Antonio TX - LIVE LAUGH LAUNCH

Aug 23, Nashville TN - I BET IT WAS YOU

Aug 24, Cincinnati OH - SMILE WITH YOUR EYES

Aug 26, Raleigh NC - FREE BUGS

Aug 27, Elmont NY - GET IN THE CHAIR

Aug 29, Philadelphia PA - BLOOM

Aug 30, Albany NY - MANHUNT

Sept 1, Uncasville CT - HOST ORGANISM

Sept 2, Montreal QC - I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU

Sept 4, Toronto ON - BACK IN THE CAGE

Sept 5, Toronto ON - SURE (painted over back in the cage from the previous night)

Sept 7, Boston MA - "SPOOKY"

Sept 8, Boston MA - BEARS ON THE 405

Sept 10, Brooklyn NY - HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN (mikey's birthday)

Sept 11, Brooklyn NY - DON'T EVER CHANGE

Sept 13, Detroit MI - SICK

Sept 15, St Paul MN - SOUNDS FUN, I'M IN

Sept 16, Riot Fest, Chicago IL - DESTROY

Sept 18, Alpharetta GA - YOU GOT THE JOB

Sept 20, Newark NJ - OFF LEASH

Sept 21, Newark NJ - THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS

Sept 23, Firefly Fest, Dover DE - no writing, a printed out picture of a bouquet of pink flowers (roses? carnations?) was taped to it

Sept 24, Sunrise FL - WHERE ARE YOU?

Sept 27, Houston TX - FEELING GOOD

Sept 28, Dallas TX - HAIL

Sept 30, Denver CO - SWAN VARIATION

Oct 2, Portland OR - ATHENA

Oct 3, Tacoma WA - I WANNA WATCH YOU TURN INTO A WEREWOLF

Oct 5, Oakland CA - smiley face with a bullet hole in the forehead, like the comedian's bloody smiley face pin from Watchmen

Oct 7, Las Vegas NV - MY WHOLE HEART

Oct 8, Aftershock Fets, Sacramento CA - CHOKE ME

Oct 11, Inglewood CA - |

Oct 12, Inglewood CA - ||

Oct 14, Inglewood CA - a photo of Doug, a member of their team who died unexpectedly, wearing something fuzzy? Kinda looks like a fozzie bear costume lol, sitting at a music mixing station

Oct 15, Inglewood CA - ||||

Oct 17, Inglewood CA - ||||

(American style tally marks for 5)

Oct 22, WWWY, Las Vegas NV - cancelled for inclement weather

Oct 23, WWWY, Las Vegas NV - NOTHIN BUT THE BEST

Oct 29, WWWY, Las Vegas NV - KNIVES FOR DAYS

Nov 18, Corona Capital Fest, Mexico City - MUY FEVGO

(I’m editing the pinned version of this post every day with what I’ve found and new drums)

{in an act of preservation as twitter collapses, I have saved all the drum images and line art from the North America thread, in case it’s lost}

[finrays]

I posted 1,550 times in 2021

267 posts created (17%)

1283 posts reblogged (83%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 4.8 posts.

I added 597 tags in 2021

#horizon zero dawn - 287 posts

#horizon forbidden west - 72 posts

#spoilers - 54 posts

#pokemon - 40 posts

#mass effect - 31 posts

#cat cw - 26 posts

#cat - 24 posts

#star wars - 23 posts

#flight rising - 22 posts

#critical role - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#up until i was a teenager i thought that ‘slut’ meant ‘someone who sleeps around with the express purpose of hurting/maniupulating others’

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Being a sappy gamer who gets attached to characters and stories and settings is so nice because…

Because you can look at a thing like “Aloy is going to have a hang-glider in the next Horizon game,” and you can just KNOW with all of the certainty in your bones…

That at some point, she’s gonna use the thing for the first time, and she’s gonna let out a WHOOP of delight. And you’re gonna get to HEAR it, and it’s gonna be CUTE.

128 notes • Posted 2021-08-01 20:19:24 GMT

#4

Pleased to see that the enemy has finally figured out that Aloy is only like, 5’4”, and they can just pick her up and throw her like a fuckin frisbee

246 notes • Posted 2021-05-28 12:49:42 GMT

#3

A Shepard whose class the player changed between Mass Effect 1 & 2 from Adept/Vanguard/Sentinel to Engineer/Infiltrator/Soldier: Look, Miranda, it’s not like I’m not thrilled that you put me back together and brought me back, but, can I ask you something? What happened to my biotics?

Miranda, spitting out her coffee: ...your what now

306 notes • Posted 2021-05-31 22:21:16 GMT

#2

Hey, friends who live in the northeast and may be going through your first hurricane right now/soon! Seasoned Floridian and rider-outer of many storms, here! Got a few tips I'd like to share with you that the National Weather Service doesn't necessarily include on their readiness kit PSAs :D

1) Don't panic!!! In theory, a hurricane looks really scary, but in practice, it's gonna feel like being in a several-day long thunderstorm. You can totally handle this. You're tougher than a Category 1!

2) You're going to want to charge up ALL of your devices and power banks beforehand... losing power during a hurricane is probably the most common hardship associated with tropical weather, and being able to have something to entertain yourself with is gonna be priceless. Plus, your phone is your lifeline! Keep it close. It'll keep you uodated with any tornado activity in your area.

3) Get yourself a Hurricane Prize! A few favorite nonperishable snack foods, plus a new book/coloring book or board game... something you can do for fun if the power goes out! It'll boost your spirits, and give you something to take your mind off of being trapped inside by the storm.

4) Follow practical NOAA advice! They can tell you how to build a better storm emergency kit than I can... but as a rule of thumb, a gallon of water per person per day, candles and matches, food you and your pets can eat without heating it... I usually pack three days' worth.

5) If you have a pool and water-safe plastic patio furniture, sink it into the pool! It will keep it out of the wind, and stop it from blowing into the side of your house. Bring your lawn ornaments and potted plants in as close as you can. You probably won't need to board up your windows for a Cat 1, but the wind can still pick up light lawn ornaments and fling them against your house... not fun.

6) If your gas tank is less than half full, get it to at least that! Gas can get scarce in the wake of a hurricane, so having at least half a tank is a good idea.

7) Y'all probably know this, but hurricanes and tropical storms have eyes... there will be a more intensely stormy period as the eyewall passes you, then a calm period. It's NOT over; stay close to home. Another eyewall WILL come by and slam into you again.

8) Don’t be a Professionally Trained Florida Moron like me and go play in the wind and water outdoors. You don’t want to go wading through floodwaters or standing around where the wind could blow something into you and hurt you.

...that's about it for now! Hang in there, guys. You got this. 

559 notes • Posted 2021-08-22 00:43:18 GMT

#1

816 notes • Posted 2021-01-20 15:14:05 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[prettyboitony]

April 24 2022 ( 4/23/22)

Today was a basic day. My day started off like every other day. I’m woken up by my alarm at 7:40 and I get dressed to go to mens prayer ( prayer time at my church for men, happened every Saturday). I get dressed and me and my grandfather heads out the door. We get to church and we a greeted by the petiole who are already there. ( Brother Ray, Brother Gatling, Brother Coil, Brother Emeal and the Pastor ) Me and my grandfather sits down on the Opposite side of the church. (We don’t have the greatest relationship and you will see why as I post more) So mens prayer goes on for about 2 hours and once it’s over me and brother Gatling ( imma call him brother G ) goes out side to check the vans for our church, you know make sure there clean for the kids that we have to pick up for church on Sunday. So one we clean the van we got put gas in it and come back. I told brother G that I had to go to work and that I wanted him to take me. He said okay and took me home so I can change and then he dropped me off at work. I got to work at 11:00am. I was Hugged my gabby ( gabby is my “girlfriend” ) so after she hugged me I went to the back where my manager is, She’s counting money so I go back to the ground of the McDonald’s ( my job ) and start to take orders. Now bc it’s 11 in the morning they were seeking breakfast, I usually works from 5 to 10 when we’re seeking lunch so I didn’t really know how to take the orders but I tried , failed but tried, After me struggling for a few minutes this girl walks up and take the order for me. So after she took the order and other care comes up and orders. Me, still not knowing how to seep breakfast struggles some more so the same girl walks up, takes the order , and walks off. After that it’s about 11:10 or 11:20 now so we start selling lunch. So cares start coming and I start taking orders but after the 3rd card my manager calls me and tells me to go to the back and take orders there. That is what we call back window where you take orders and cash people out. Doesn’t sound bad except for that fact that your back there alone. Me being who I am I can’t stand being alone so I get mad but maybe 30 minutes later gabby walks back there I look at her from the corner of my eye because I’m nervous around her. I cash the car out that’s by at the window and grab her by her hips and hug her. I ask her what’s she’s doing back here with me and she says she’s on break. She goes sit in the break room which is right next to where I was at so I’m exited because I can see her. So I walk in after her and sit down and we talk for a little then a car came up to order so I get up and take there order and go sit back down. This went on for 30 minutes before she had to go back off her break. ( imma skip a little bit ahead bc the rest in just me walking back and forth brim the back to the front) . So now I’m on break and I’m a little mad bc like I said all the people in the line made me mad so I’m sitting in the crew room watching TikTok and gabby walks in trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. I say nothing and she walks off. A few moments later she walks back in and ask again what’s wrong and again I was nothing, Then she grabs my hat and lift it and looks me in the eyes and says nothing and we just stair at each other ( I might have fallen in love with here when she did that Ngl ) after about a minute she walks away again and I go back to watching TikTok. She then text me and ask what’s wrong I say I told you nothing is wrong and she says your acting different ( long story short she just wanted to know what’s wrong and I didn’t feel like talking ) once I come off break I hug her and help her with the orders she was taking then I leav and go to the ground of the store and take orders until she eventually leaves and goes home . Once she left I just stayed up ground bagging orders till 7:00 ( she left at 5:00) and then I went home took a shower and that’s it .

Tell me what you think and how I can improve

[pair-annoyed]

Anime I Watched in Quarantine

With some of the restrictions being lifted, I wanted to make a sort of master post to see just how much I’ve watched in my time off. Plus, I wanted to share something more lighthearted with everyone.

All of these anime will be rated on a 1-10 scale, 10 meaning masterpiece, 1 meaning complete garbage. I’ll also share what I liked/didn’t like about each show. This list will go in chronological order, and will encompass all anime from 3/13 - 6/13. Multiple Seasons will be grouped together. 

1. Beastars - 8/10 

I dig how human and down-to-earth Beastars is. The pacing was a nice and the animation was unexpectedly great! It’s driving force is its characters and their interactions. Felt a little slow at times, and Juno annoys me, but that’s okay. I’ll be watching season 2.

2. Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun - 8/10 

Oh my god! This visuals for this were absolutely wonderful! It did feel a little cliche at times, I won’t lie. But, I still loved all of these characters and the nice balance between creepy and comedy. 

3. Ao No Exorcist - 6/10 

I posted about this one after I finished it. The ending really pissed me off. I feel like if I had watched this when I was 13, I would’ve given it a higher score. Compared to some of the other shounen I’ve watched, this felt a bit basic. That doesn’t mean I still didn’t like it. Still have to get around to watching season 2...

4.  Kaichou wa Maid-sama! 6.5/10

Shoujo usually isn’t my cup of tea. Maid-sama was a nice way to ease into the cliches of shoujo. Misaki is a great protagonist and the ending Maid-sama was so satisfying. I’m only giving it a low score because of its slow pacing and lack of certain character development. 

5.  Violet Evergarden Gaiden: Eien to Jidou Shuki Ningyou  - 7/10

I’m a big Violet Evergarden fan to begin with, so of course I liked this movie. It did not resonate with me as much as the series itself, but I still enjoyed it. Kyoto animation is never disappointing in their visuals and sound design 

6.  Chuunibyou demo Koi ga Shitai! - 8/10 

Chuunibyou demo Koi ga Shitai! Ren - 6.5/10 

Chuunibyou was a breath of fresh air for me. It was so different from all other romance anime I had seen at the time. It for sure has a slice of life vibe to it, but it was still so good! It reminded me of being in middle school and my “chuunibyou” phase. The second season was not as enjoyable as the first. I guess I just had higher expectations for Rikka and Yuuta. 

7. Dr. Stone - 7/10

Dr. Stone is honestly such a perfect shounen for me. I’m a science nerd, and with taking AP Chem this year it was kind of nice to sorta apply my knowledge. This show also has some of the best reaction images ever. The tone, however, is a little inconsistent which made it hard to keep watching. I do love the relationship between Senku and his Dad, that whole sub-plot was so endearing.

8. Oshiete! Galko-chan - 6/10

This one only gets a low score because its so short and the op takes up like half an episode. This show had been in the back of my mind for a while. I decided to watch it after seeing a video essay discussing it. Its masterful subversion of tropes and stereotypes was refreshing. The message of this show is so positive, and everyone can benefit from watching something like this.  

9. Mairimashita Iruma-kun  - 5/10 

The second half of Mairimashita Iruma-kun was so much better. I’m not completely sure why I didn’t like this as much as I should have. Overall, its a really average show. The comedy (and musical numbers???) give this show and charismatic and chaotic vibe. I’m someone who focuses primarily on character-character interactions, and this show definitely had it. It isn’t monogatari levels of dialogue but it’s still nice. For the studio’s low budget, they were able to make a really bright and colorful show. I’ll be watching season 2.  

10. Byousoku 5 Centimeter - 8/10

Very. VERY. Pretty!! This one was another one that didn’t completely resonate with me emotionally. I still loved the story and the way it was told. Its not like Your Name or Tenki no Ko, it’s realistic and grounded.

11. Mob Psycho 100 - 8/10

Mob Psycho 100 II - 9/10 

Style alone made Mob Psycho 100 so impressive. By the second half of each season I was emotional invested in Mob and his whole journey. Season 2 is receiving a higher score because it was able to make me cry. That’s something I NEVER expected. I’m mad I didn’t watch this sooner. It is a great balance of action, comedy, and heart. 

12. Noragami Aragoto - 8/10 

Not sure why I put off Norogami’s second season for so long. I absolutely loved it. The focus on Bishimon was a nice change of pace and it was great to see Yukine develop more as a character and begin to loose his arrogance. Kazuma was my favorite character in all of this. His ability to affect the people around him was presented nicely. I was emotionally invested the whole way through, and I’ll probably pick up the manga. 

13. Ookami Shoujo to Kuro Ouji - 3/10

Ah yes. My least favorite thing on planet earth. This is a wonderful example of Shoujo at its worst. Their relationship was incredibly toxic, and the characters themselves were poorly developed and generic. The whole time all I could think was that I was watching normalized Stockholm Syndrome. Our MC deserves so much better. 

14. Youjo Senki - 6/10

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting to like Youjo Senki as much as I did. I’m not usually one for iesekai. The action was great, but the use of CGI bogged down scenes. I do NOT really like the protagonist that much because she came across as apathetic. Towards the end, I started to like her more. This was also my first military/warfare-focused anime. If either a movie or second season is made, I will probably not watch it. 

15. Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica - 6.5/10

I wanted to like Madoka Magica more than I did. I really did. The style was compelling and the story was interesting. Especially in the beginning, a lot of the death and sad stuff didn’t feel all that sad. The last 4 episodes are a solid 8/10, I love time shenanigans. The emotions and character development really shined through in the end. Madoka is such an inherently kind-hearted person, I love her so much! 

16. Yakusoku no Neverland - 8.5/10 

I was expecting Yakusoku no Neverland to be more graphic, but I’m kind of glad it didn’t go that route. Like Madoka, the last four episodes had me really invested. However, the character development was not as rushed. It’s a smart show and welcomed change of pace. Emma is my favorite character and you bet I’ll be watching season 2. The more I think about this show, the more I appreciate it. 

17. Mo Dao Zu Shi - 9/10

Mo Dao Zu Shi 2nd Season - 8/10 

I know that is is technically a donghua, but I’m counting it as an anime because its on MAL. Amazing visuals and an incredibly layered story.�� Censorship makes it difficult to fully appreciate this work and its original novel. Even though I was confused for the first 2 episodes, Mo Dao Zu Shi did a great job of developing the time period and character relationships. The second season wasn’t as satisfying as the first but still great! I don’t think I’ll be watching the live action anytime soon, but I believe that a 3rd season is confirmed for 2020.

18. Banana Fish - 8.5/10

I knew nothing about Banana Fish going into it. Although I didn’t cry at the ending, it definitely made me feel some type of way. Kind of... numb. Banana Fish is painfully realistic. So much so that I had to take a break after episode 15 because I felt sick to my stomach. I also praise Banana Fish for it’s healthy, non-fetishized relationship representation. Eiji and Ash have such a complex but healthy relationship. I hope Banana Fish is able to pave the way for better representation in media. 

19. Promare - 5/10 

Why do people praise Promare so much? I hated how predictable it was. The whole movie felt like a 2 hour animation flex for Trigger. The only character in this movie that didn’t manage to piss me off it some way was Lio. The only other thing I’ve seen by studio Trigger is Kill la Kill, so compared to that, this felt like such a step down. :( I was disappointed. 

20. Given - 6/10

Given made me both sad and made me want to start a band. Overall the animation is nothing special, I do like the reactions that some of the characters had. Especially that “It’s Mutual” gif set. I couldn’t get over how much Ritsuka looks like Kageyama. My only complaint was how rushed Mafuyu and Ritsuka’s relationship felt. More time should have been dedicated to Mafuyu dealing with and moving past the loss in his life. All that said, I’m still watching the movie.

21. Enen no Shouboutai - 5/10 

Generic Shounen, bad ending, great animation. Need I say more? I did not watch Soul Eater (made by same creator), but this was enjoyable. Really cool fights, not so cool character development. A lot of the explanations towards the end felt like complete bull shit. Same energy as using fancy sounding science words to explain things. 

22. Hataraku Maou-Sama - 5.5/10

This is another show I felt I would’ve liked more if I watched it when I was younger. The iesekai trope is so beaten down that classics like this don’t really carry as much weight as they originally did. A 24 episode season with more Slice of Life episodes would’ve benefited this series greatly.

23. BNA - 7/10

BNA, in my opinion, was so much better than Promare. Like Hataraku Maou-sama, BNA would’ve benefited from a longer season with more Slice of Life Episodes. Trigger’s newer animation is beautiful and I really hope BNA gets renewed for a second season. The ending was cliche as hell, but still really enjoyed this show!

24. Devilman: Crybaby - 7/10 

A.K.A. The one show I’ve got to watch when I know I’m alone. The use of multiple languages besides Japanese in the sub was a unique take. The animation was also a little jarring at first, but I came to love it. The themes in this are not the most positive. The end left me feeling numb, but also appreciative. Ryo pissed me off as soon as he tried to kill that cat, so it was hard to sympathize with him in the very end. It is a really good show, but also sickening, Watch at your own discretion.  

[trellanyx]

your jonathan crane (who i love so very much) and numbers 1 through... oh, lets say 25 ;)

(Send me a character and a number)

Have I told you how much I love you lately, Lizard? Because I do. Oh yes I do. 😂

Word vomiting about my Jon in 3, 2, 1...

1) Something this character is truly proud of.

His work, of course. Not just the toxin, but the breadth of his knowledge, his experiments, his successes and vengeances. Jonathan is an expert in his field, and considering what he went through to get there he’s damn proud of it.

2) Who they want to please the most.

Jonathan Crane does not give a single solitary fuck about what anyone thinks of him. The only satisfaction he cares about is his own. Considering how high his standards are, that’s a big enough challenge already.

3) Who depends on them.

No one. Jon may make you think you need him if that serves his end goal, but other than that he keeps his distance. If you’re in a position where you actually depend on Jonathan Crane’s services, you’re fucked.

4) What they would do if they had one month to live.

Work feverishly to A) preserve his work and B) push it as far as it can go before his body betrays him. Jon would be pulling such long, intense hours that it’s quite possible he’d drop dead before the month was up from sheer exhaustion. If he doesn’t, then he takes his magnum opus and goes out with a hell of a bang.

5) A cherished personal belonging.

Nothing. He has things he likes more than most: a tortoiseshell watch, a spring-loaded gun, his sturdiest boots, his sharpest scythe - the whole fear gauntlet, actually, impractical as it was - but nothing he’d go as far as to say he cherishes. Everything Jon owns is expendable, and no matter how attached he might be to something, there’s nothing he wouldn’t chuck in a fire instantly if he needed to. 

6) Something they lost, but would love to have back.

“Unlimited access to test subjects wrapped in a stable paycheck. Arkham’s much more fun on the other side of the straitjacket.”

7) This character’s favorite character

I give up. It’s been days. Days that this post has sat in my drafts while I tried to think of this asshole’s favorite character, and I’ve got nothing. I’ve come up with a couple of disparate headcanons involving Jon and fiction in general, but I have no answer for this one. I offer this as a placeholder: “He doesn’t have any because he’s a contrary and insufferable bastard.”

8) What kind of car they would drive.

Dark, boring, older than sin. The gas pedal is the most abused piece of equipment in South Gotham. There’s a stain on the backseat floor that Jon says is coffee, and no one is brave enough to question him. Edward refuses to be seen dead in it. One day Jon’s gonna take that as a challenge.

9) What calms them when they are upset.

It really depends on the type of distress that it is. The basic scale is this:

Drumming his nails against things, or just tapping against the nearest flat surface if his nails aren’t long enough. (Common response to most grievances.)

Stepping outside for a smoke. He goes back inside when he either feels better or runs out of cigarettes.

Pacing inside or stalking through the streets like he’s on his way to kill somebody, taking small, petty pleasure watching people jump out of his way.

Stewing in a corner with a bottle of strong alcohol.

Actually killing somebody.

10) How they deal with pain.

Grits his teeth and bears it. The first lesson he ever learned.

11) This character’s favorite piece or pieces of clothing.

As Scarecrow: His plague doctor mask, which replaced the traditional burlap after he stopped being able to feel fear.

As Jon: Custom winter gloves with longer fingers to accommodate his nails in the winter.

12) How they sleep.

I’ve talked about this before, actually! Here’s the quote:

Since he suffers from chronic insomnia and chronic I Have No Idea What Healthy Habits Look Like, Jonathan doesn’t go to bed very often. He’s more likely to pass out wherever he is - couch, desk, once on a morgue slab (don’t ask)… But when he does sleep in a bed, he tosses and turns a ridiculous amount. It’s not that he’s having nightmares (though with the way he moves, how could you tell), he just has a hard time getting comfortable. He’ll turn over at least 3-6 times before falling asleep, and he’ll keep shifting even after he does. It’s very common for Jonathan to fall asleep with three blankets and wake up with only one.

13) What kind of parent they would be.

*hysterical laughter* NO.

14) How they did in school.

He struggled with it a lot. Not because of a lack of intelligence or drive, but because:

Constant undernourishment and late night punishments made it difficult for Jon to stay awake in class. (His insomnia didn’t develop until he was in his early 20s.)

His homework was often late or mediocre because Jon did it after being beaten or kept busy with his grandmother’s laborious demands, if he was in a state to do it at all.

Jon’s glasses were almost never up to date. Constant squinting compounded by what Jon now knows were chronic migraines made class not only difficult to concentrate on, but physically painful.

Bullying. I don’t think I need to elaborate there.

Jon barely eked out a GPA high enough to get him into a local community college with the help of a scholarship targeted toward low-income families. Once his grandmother and bullies “helpfully” left the picture and Jon could focus on eliminating the obstacles above, he threw himself into his studies like a man possessed, and by the time he graduated, he’d secured himself entry to a post-baccalaureate program in Gotham. He used that as a stepping stone to med school and the rest is history.

15) What cologne or perfume they would use.

Jon doesn’t like either. His only indulgence in the smell department is almond-scented soap.

16) Their sexuality.

It varies depending on what version of him I’m playing, but it’s always either bi or gay.

17) What they’d sing at karaoke.

Something slow, creepy and mournful, probably not even on the set list, while he stares at you unblinking and makes you regret every decision in your life that helped force him onstage. You don’t ask for an encore.

18) Special talents they have.

Jon is double-jointed, a great whistler, sews all his costumes and is an adequate mechanic. See the “should be dead twelve times over” car he still drives. He’s also a better swimmer than people give him credit for, something that’s saved his life more than once.

19) When they feel safest.

In front of a fireplace. Jon can’t really explain it, nor does it make sense considering how much he hates heat in general. But there’s something about sitting in front of a fire that really relaxes him. (Don’t bother with the scarecrow/fire jokes, he’s heard them all.)

20) Household chore they hate the most.

Bathrooms.

21) Their fondest childhood memory.

“Killing them.”

22) How they spend their money.

Books, chemicals, caffeine, alcohol, weapons. And then living essentials. Maybe. Depends on how low he is on nicotine. (Jon’s spending habits are so predictable it became a running joke on campus, what did you expect.)

23) What kind of alcohol they drink.

He’s not picky, but nothing beats a finely aged whiskey. He’s also partial to Black Russians.

24) What they wish they could change about themselves.

Useful as it can be, Jon regrets the loss of his ability to feel fear. He also wishes he didn’t get migraines so often. Nothing on the personality front, though: Jon knows what he is.

25) What other people wish they could change about them.

Oh honey, there’s not enough hours in the day to list all that.

[sunfloweradore]

i’m leaving this blog

hi! this post is a bit long but at the end you’ll find prompts and requests that you are free to use if you’re a writing blog :).

hi there!! if you’re reading this, i hope you’re doing well and staying safe. i just wanted to say that i’m leaving this blog and i’m not sure if i’ll ever come back. the years i’ve spent being a harrie have been great and it’s been a crazy amount of time! pretty much since the x factor! however, for a long time it’s also felt like i’ve been forcing myself to be a fan of harry’s. i’ve put so much energy into being a fan of his that it hasn’t been fun for me in a while and neither has writing fanfiction, which is what this blog is mainly for. it’s felt very difficult to sit down and write a fantasy about somebody who i might not even like anymore and in hindsight it seems a little dumb, but i did stress over writing all the time. this isn’t really about anybody i’ve interacted with on tumblr because you’re all lovely but sometimes it feels as though harries don’t treat him like he’s a human being and instead like he’s a god. me, included. even though i know we joke about harry being the only man we’d let degrade us or destroy our lives or whatever, he is still a person at the end of the day! it took me a very long time to realize that and thinking of him as otherworldly or completely perfect was my way of thinking for a while and i think it was pretty damaging. the fact that so many people would literally die for him is sad because unfortunately, none of us are going to be on his “level”, so to speak. we don’t know him personally and chances are we aren’t ever going to. ahhhh please don’t be mad at me for saying this, it’s just something i’ve realized i need to change about myself and i think it’s something we should all consider about everyone we are fans of. 

anyway, the time and energy i’ve spent on something so ridiculous is exponential and i really feel like it’s time to put it in the past. i’m dedicating this year to self-growth and part of that is learning how to be my own person. feeling like i have to be interested in something or someone in order to be normal has been a common theme in my life and harry has been that someone for as long as i can remember. this isn’t his fault of course but i’m getting older and i don’t want to think of this time in my life as the era that i was obsessed with harry styles. instead, i want to form memories and real life experiences instead of using fanfiction as a way to cope with all of the things that i can’t handle in my life. it worked for a while but at this point i’ve been reading it and writing it for so long that it feels like i’m living inside my head, like i’ve become dependent on it (obviously this is very bad lolol). so, long story short, i will be leaving this blog because it just isn’t good for me anymore. thank you to everyone who has requested things for me to write and anyone who has interacted with my writing. sorry i couldn’t get through them :(. i’d also like to thank everyone i met through this blog because you’re all such amazing people and you deserve the world. i will leave my writing up but the sentiment still applies- i’ve worked very hard on everything i’ve written so please don’t repost any of it without crediting me, thank you.

below are requests i couldn’t get to and prompts(?)/works that i never got to finish. feel free to use them if you want and tag me in them bc i’d love to see how you write them :)

1. paperboy harry!

i think the direction i wanted this to go in was kind of like a 40′s au? or just a long long time ago. not sure why i had this started seeing as i already have harry as a paperboy in a story of mine but go off ig

2. vampire harry!

i had a specific plot i wanted where harry was in a car wreck because of a vampire who ended up biting him in like an alleyway. reader saves him and is a vampire herself! she nurses him back to health n teaches him how to be a vamp with various shenanigans along the way

3. hospital au?

this one i’m not too sure about but if you’ve seen the red band society you’d sort of know the direction i was going with this. there’s kind of an in-between for people in the hospital who are fighting death or going into surgery and in that in-between is a boy who has been in a coma for a long time. i pictured this as being angsty and for harry to be the boy who guides people in certain directions but he ends up falling for the reader while she’s there

4. ghost au!

self explanatory but i pictured harry as the ghost who kind of just wants a friend lol

5. tea au?

this would probably be pretty short, i just thought it was cute! reader has different kinds of tea all the time and it’s a surprise each time he kisses her 

6. strawberry farm au?

reader has a strawberry farm LMAO maybe harry buys them from her or it’s another vampire au, who knows!

7. threesome

most likely has been done b4 but a threesome w 2 guys and the reader where the guy is inside harry while he is inside the reader

8. chocolate by the 1975

a fic based on that song! it would probably be from harry’s pov 

9. space au?

hmm i think i probably saw something that inspired this but all it says is “harry sends letters to space” so i’m assuming it’s an au where he just decided to send letters to space out of boredom or something and mayhaps alien reader finds one?

10. assassin au!

harry is an assassin and in my draft it’s super vague? and almost seems like he’s stalking the reader? it could go in any direction really but i’m assuming the reader is dating him and doesn’t know he’s an assassin

11. chapstick

very similar to the tea one! just w the reader wearing diff chapsticks all the time

12. shower

this is inspired by something i read on wattpad a long time ago and i’ve tried finding it but i think it might’ve been deleted. the reader flicks da bean all the time in the shower and is really loud about it, harry is distracted and confronts her

13. dang ANOTHER threesome

but this time harry is on a date with a girl and they’re at a bar- the girl is looking around, sees the reader and thinks she’s gorg and they end up having a threesome

14. photography au!

harry is a photographer who somehow ends up taking pictures of the reader. in my draft the reader asks him to delete the ones that are ugly but he keeps them all hehe

15. scrapbook au

similar to the last one, harry takes pictures of the reader a lot but it’s not bc he’s a photographer, he just thinks she’s pretty n wants to scrapbook. twist is that he has TWO scrapbooks- one of innocent pics and one that’s lustier (consensual ofc)

16. habits of my heart by jaymes young

self explanatory, angsty

17. roommate au?

this is for some reason also an assassin au? but they’re roommates and reader doesn’t know what he does. they’re bffs, mutual pining

18. don’t forget about me by clove

wow another song fic, big surprise

19. puppyy

harry gets a puppy who hates him :( but the puppy loves the reader!

20. mall au

lol this one is kind of dumb idk why i thought of it but harry is one of those kiosk people at the mall who sells perfume! dunno!

21. condoms

reader works at gas station, harry buys huge condoms

22. poetry

either person reads erotic poetry while touching the other

23. magic au

one of them makes a love potion, kind of dark? like making the other fall in love with them idk it could be an accident though

24. private chef

the reader is a private chef! that’s all i’ve got!

25. message board

this is inspired by..... the sims lmaooo you can pin messages to the message board in your apartment building and i thought it’d be cute if the reader and harry lived in the same building and he leaves notes on the board and she doesn’t know they’re for her! she always thinks they’re cute though

26. raisin theory

inspired by new girl! specifically a comment i saw in like a compilation? video of new girl on yt

i thought it’d be cute for harry to be that person

[fishstickmonkey]

I’m blaming this on the side effects of the covid vaccine shot I had on Tuesday.

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Open, otherwise Ducat (see avatar) meows his brains out.

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Sometimes

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Out

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No

5: Do you like to use post-it notes? No

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? No

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Bear, I have bad reactions to bee stings.

8: Do you have freckles? Yes. (I think and I’m too lazy to go look in the mirror.)

9: Do you always smile for pictures? I try to but it usually comes out more as a smirk.

10: What is your biggest pet peeve? Rude people

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? No

12: Have you ever peed in the woods? Yes

13: What about pooped in the woods? Yes

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Yes

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? No

16: How many people have you slept with this week? Do my cats count?

17: What size is your bed? Adult-size

18: What is your Song of the week? Turn to Me - Dean Martin

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Yes. My friend Karl just got these really sweet hot pink gloves.

20: Do you still watch cartoons? Yes

21: Whats your least favorite movie? The ‘Burbs

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? In the woods

23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size? I think my man boobs are an A.

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? BBQ

25: What is your favorite food? Right now, Chicken Pad Thai Pizza from Mesa

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? I have watched the 13th Warrior at least once a year since it was released on VHS (I also own it on DVD. Thank you Columbia House). It’s Antonio Banderas’s finest work.

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? Do the cats count?

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? I was a Cub Scout for about year.

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? For the enough money, yes.

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Monday

31: Can you change the oil on a car? No

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? No

33: Ever ran out of gas? No

34: Favorite kind of sandwich? French Dip

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? Biscuits & Gravy

36: What is your usual bedtime? Around 1 am

37: Are you lazy? No. Sometimes.

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? It changed every year.

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? No idea

40: Are you horny? Right now?

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos

43: Are you stubborn? Sometimes

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? Conan

45: Ever watch soap operas? No

46: Are you afraid of heights? Yes

47: Do you sing in the car? Yes

48: Do you sing in the shower? Yes

49: Do you dance in the car? No

50: Ever used a gun? Yes

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Sometime in the early 2000s

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? I’m ambivalent

53: Is Christmas stressful? Not as long as customers aren’t being assholes.

54: Ever eat a pierogi? Yes

55: Favorite type of fruit pie? I’m not really a fruit pie fan, so I’m going with apple.

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Historian, World Traveler

57: Do you believe in ghosts? No

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes

59: Take a vitamin daily? No

60: Wear slippers? No, I have a pair of house shoes

61: Wear a bath robe? No

62: What do you wear to bed? T-shirt & shorts

63: First concert? Dark Planet, Anamosa Junior High gymnasium, circa 1980. My friend Marty was the drummer.

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? I prefer to shop local whenever possible but when not Target.

65: Nike or Adidas? Adidas [ˈʔadiˌdas]

66: Cheetos Or Fritos? Doritos

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No but there was this girl in high school french class who used the phrase to the point of annoyance.

69: Ever take dance lessons? Yes

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Well at this point most likely retired.

71: Can you curl your tongue?7 No

2: Ever won a spelling bee? No

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes

74: Own any record albums? Yes

75: Own a record player? I have two.

76: Regularly burn incense? Not since I stopped smoking

77: Ever been in love? Yes

78: Who would you like to see in concert? Most of them are dead and the ones that aren’t I fear would be a disappointment.

79: What was the last concert you saw? Does my niece’s band concert count?

80: Hot tea or cold tea? Both

81: Tea or coffee? Tea.

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? Monster

83: Can you swim well? No

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes

85: Are you patient? To a point

86: DJ or band, at a wedding? This is like asking if you’d rather have hot needles or bamboo splinters shoved under you fingernails.

87: Ever won a contest? Yes

88: Ever have plastic surgery? No. My sweet booty is 100% natural

89: Which are better black or green olives? Black

90: Can you knit or crochet? No

91: Best room for a fireplace? Drawing room

92: Do you want to get married? I’m open if the right person comes along

93: If married, how long have you been married?

94: Who was your HS crush? Ann Murray (not the singer)

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No

96: Do you have kids? Not that I am aware of.

97: Do you want kids?

98: Whats your favorite color? Red

99: Do you miss anyone right now? Karbear & Becca

http://www.8-moons-of-optimism.tumblr.com/ask

[sublimateradiate]

🖤 🖤 tag game! get to know me 🖤 🖤

tagged by: theamazing @thetaoofbetty

1. what is the color of your hairbrush? Plain black, with a red rubber inside. Do hairbrushes usually come in exciting colors?

2. name a food you never eat- BANANAS. They are my nemesis. Don't tell me how delicious they are. They're the devil's fruit. Interestingly enough, I love plantains.

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? Too cold, but mostly because of that bullshit in the office where the temp is prioritized to men in suits. Also because whenever my mother visits, she goes through my apartment and opens all the windows, no matter the season.

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? Finally getting around to working on my LinkedIn profile, and cringing all the while. The employment world changes a lot while you're working for the same company for 11 years...

5. what’s your favorite candy bar? If we're talking regular gas station candy, probably the dark chocolate Twix. If we're getting fancy, any bar of dark chocolate 90% or above.

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yup, baseball games when I was little and then purposely to the WNBA because have you seen them???? Sigh.

7. what is the last thing you said out loud?  Singing along with the music I have playing. So based on what the last song was probably "I have to carry the cross" whispered dramatically.

8. what is your favorite ice cream? The original Breyer's Vanilla Fudge Twirl, which doesn't exist anymore. (the current version is "frozen dessert" and has all these fillers in it that make it mushy and foamy, so gross)

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? Tea from the goth con called "Black Tea #1" which is a play on a Type O Negative song.  10. do you like your wallet? My wallet is serviceable. I don't like getting rid of things until they break, so consequently I've had the same black leather wallet on a chain since 8th grade. When I bought it, it has a silver dragon stamped on it, but it's so old you can't see it anymore. 

11. what is the last thing you ate? Chocolate chip pumpkins muffins that I recently made. And I still have so much pumpkin left, I have to figure out what to do with it.

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? Nope. Thankfully. I'm trying not to do that. But shein has so much crazy shit dirt cheap I often go through it, put 30 things in the cart, then close the browser.

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? Fencing in the last Olympics, whenever that was.

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Cheddar or caramel. 

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? A friend to figure out what a group watch is gonna be.

16. ever been camping? Yup, used to go all the time when I was little as a family vacation. I miss it.

17. do you take vitamins? Yup, I have iron and vitamin D deficiencies, because I am an actual vampire.

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? Nope!

19. do you have a tan? No, I stay out of the sun and/or wear sunscreen because skin cancer. .

20. do you prefer chinese or pizza? Pizza for sure. I mean, it has cheese.

21. do you drink your soda through a straw? only if you

22. what color socks do you usually wear? I have a collection of weirdly patterned socks that I wear when I'm going out, for the last couple of months I've just been wearing black non-skid toeless yoga socks so I don't fall on my ass while creeping around the apartment.

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit?  Not unless I'm goaded to "go at the speed of traffic" by a companion and even then I only do it grudgingly. I stay out of the left lane though, so no one should care.

24. what terrifies you? Facism. Also waterbugs, but I'm working on it.

25. look to your left, what do you see? My dining room and fish tank.

26. what chore do you hate most? Washing dishes without gloves (with gloves totally fine) or changing the sheets because it's always an ordeal. Oh, and I'd add folding fitted sheets, but that would imply that implies it actually happens instead of me just getting frustrated and balling it up. 

27. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? @lucivar , an absolutely delightful person with a delightful accent.

28. what’s your favorite soda? Does ginger beer count?

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive through, as I'm usually only in them if I'm traveling.

30. what’s your favorite number? 8. Dunno why.

31. who’s the last person you talked to? my mother.

32. favorite meat? I'm a vegetarian, but quail, based entirely on an experience I had at Medieval Times as a child.

33. last song you listened to? "Sober Up" by Lizette Lizette

34. last book you read? @strangenightsofdaydreams got me into reading romance novels this month and I just finished "The Governess Game" by Tessa Dare.

35. favorite day of the week? Saturday. Does anyone actually put a weekday as this answer?

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? Very slowly, tortuously, and it would involve me reciting the alphabet in my head multiple times.

37. how do you like your coffee? Not a coffee person, but I can tolerate mochas.

38. favorite pair of shoes? That I wear regularly? My one pair of knee high lace up boots with no zipper, because I am a stereotype. Otherwise I have several lovely pair of heels I fall over in. 

39. time you normally get up? Reader, I wish I knew.

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? Sunrises.

41. how many blankets are on your bed? 2

42. describe your kitchen plates? White rounded squares with a black accent. One of those standard corelle sets.

43. describe your kitchen at the moment: Well stocked and chilly.

44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? Limoncello, Irish Cream over ice, peach Lambic. I also have a fondness anything with a particularly weird flavor, like Birkir, which comes with an actual twig in it.

45. do you play cards? That involves other people, so the last time was a long time ago.

46. what color is your car? Don't have one. My old car was mint green.

47. can you change a tire? Nope. I'm lucky I even know how to drive, most people in my city don't.

48. your favorite state or province? I don't really have feelings about states? I guess Ohio, because I went to school there.

49. favorite job you’ve had? Creating a handbook for a program that had been running for years but never had one.  If @lucivar , @a-true-janian-reply , @meditationonbaaal, or @strangenightsofdaydreams, feel like doing this, go ahead. But don't feel compelled to, it's long. long post

[doctorsgirl262]

Ranking (Almost all) of the Nancy Drew Games

Literally no one asked for this, but I thought it’d be really fun to rank and give my opinion on each of the games. I’m biased towards a fair share of the games since they were the ones that I played growing up. **I have yet to complete 5 of the games (I know, blasphemy) but I’m not going to rank them since I don’t have any opinion on them. This includes: Stay Tuned For Danger, Ransom of the Seven Ships, and Labyrinth of Lies. I am also not including the dossier games. I also want to stress that I don’t dislike any of the games.

*EDIT: I am updating this last to add the Captive Curse and the Final Scene which I just finished within the last 2 days, so this is a re-post of my other post. (6/3/2020). I can’t run Stay Tuned for Danger on my computer, so it probably won’t ever make it on my list unless I watch someone’s play-through of it. I’ve heard bad things about Ransom of the Seven Ships, so I’m hesitant to buy the game and play it, but maybe I’ll get to it at some point this summer. I would like to buy the Labyrinth of Lies sometime soon, but I have to wait to get paid to be able to play. So, for the time being, they will continue to stay off of my list. I hope you enjoy my list!

31. Secrets Can Kill (Remastered): This game is okay, it’s not my favorite. I like the fact that Nancy is trying to solve a murder. But I feel like all the characters are kinda bland and really aren’t all that memorable, and neither are the games. I also found the hidden clues in the posters to be a bit challenging, so overall, I’m not a huge fan of the game.

30. Tomb of the Lost Queen: I loved the idea, but it wasn’t really memorable to me. I enjoyed it enough when I played it, but have absolutely no desire to play again. But I do like the Egyptian history that we see in this game.

29. Midnight in Salem: Honestly, not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. But by no means is it good. I didn’t hate it while playing, but it was missing a lot of what the games normally have. It felt dull and kinda boring, and the plot just didn’t feel totally cohesive. But, I look forward to playing more games in the future, even if it means waiting another 4 years. I will admit though that the mechanics were seriously lacking. I hated having to drag the screen up and down to search for clues, and the way moving worked kinda was abrupt and sudden. But, I’m realllllly digging the updated looks for the Hardy Boys.

28. Trail of the Twister: Kinda boring, kinda not. I don’t really care about tornadoes at all, so it was boring to learn about them and having to be part of the team. But I did enjoy the underlying mystery about selling secrets and such, and I liked most of the characters.

27. The Shattered Medallion: It’s an interesting game, but I’m not a huge fan of it. Nancy and George (and Bess) being on a reality tv show is an interesting concept, but I like the concepts where there is true mystery and danger to be found as Nancy delves deeper. The puzzles were fun, but not super memorable. I think it’s a fun game to play once, but I have absolutely no desire to play it again.

26. Message in a Haunted Mansion: I haven’t played this one in years, but I remember being terrified of it when I did. Finding the creepy note and then almost having the house burn down always scared me, and the fact that there was a “ghost” haunting the place didn’t help. I think it’s an enjoyable game, but it doesn’t have the same replay-ability as some of the other games do.

25. Secret of the Scarlet Hand: I love history, I really do. However, I found that this game was just a tad bit too boring with how much history it had in it. I enjoyed getting to learn about Mayan culture, but the fact that the mystery doesn’t really occur until half way through the game was just kinda a killer for me. The puzzle weren’t my favorite either.

24. The Haunted Carousel: I had a really hard time playing this one, but that has nothing to do with the game itself. I have a fear of oceans and sharks, so sometimes I had a hard time getting through puzzles. The puzzles weren’t my favorite, but I think the plot was interesting, with Joy remembering her past and the amusement park.

23. The Creature of Kapu Cave: I think it was really cool that we had the opportunity to play as the Hardy Boys in this game. I think it was an interesting plot overall, but I got bored sometimes. I also hated Quiggly, she was rude and annoying towards Nancy and it just frustrated me to no end.

22. The Final Scene (New) :  I’m not gonna lie, this game really made me realize how helpful the task list is. I was so confused for the first like 25 minutes because 1) I somehow managed to not meet Nicholas for ages 2) It took me looking for a hint on the internet to realize there was a whole other area where Joseph was. There were a few things that I honestly just didn’t pick up on, and the characters definitely weren’t my favorite, but the whole plot really had me on the edge of my seat. I got really nervous at the end and it was a nice change of pace. I liked the danger that came with this mystery a lot. I liked the idea of Houdini being involved in the theater and that whole magic plot, but I never got the package that seemed really important?? Either way, I think it was an enjoyable game, but the characters were lacking.

21. Curse of Blackmoor Manor: The game had a creepy feel to it, but I feel like the end of the game was a real let down. There was so much plot throughout the game, and there was the “curse” that Nancy learned about, and it just seemed to come to an abrupt ending.

20. Ghost Dogs of Moon Lake: I think this game is interesting. The speakeasy was a really cool aspect of the game, and I enjoyed that it was a bit of a darker game. But I think the puzzles were fun and interesting and it was an enjoyable game.

19. Ghost of Thornton Hall: I love the atmosphere of this game, with it taking place in the South with ghosts. I love the history that was involved in the game, and the whole plot revolving around Charlotte and her death/murder. I like the dark route the game took, compared to some of the other games. It’s one of the few games that give me the chills.

18. Sea of Darkness: I hate it when there is Ned and Nancy drama in the games, it always makes me so uncomfortable. In a previous post I talked about how I felt about their relationship, so I won’t really get into it, but that’s besides the point. The fact that it’s last game with Lani Minella is sad, but it was still an interesting game. I think the puzzles were fun, and I enjoyed the Icelandic activities in the game.

17. The Silent Spy: I love the fact that we get a backstory on Nancy’s mom’s death. Also, going to Scotland and meeting Samantha FREAKING Quick. The fact that we finally got to put a face to her name after waiting for so long (11 games btw). I think it was a seriously fun game that had some interesting puzzles and had a unique plot.

16. The Haunting of Castle Malloy: Another really creepy game to me, but really well done. I enjoyed most of the puzzles in the game, and the idea of searching for the missing groom and trying to understand the history of Castle Malloy was super interesting. The characters were overall rememberable, and so was the plot, and I feel like it was a nice, challenging game

15. Alibi In Ashes: I really enjoyed this one too, and I love that you get to play as Bess, George, and Ned on top of playing Nancy. I find it crazy that her town would think that she would burn down the old town hall, but it’s whatever. I liked getting to build a case for Nancy, I think that was a fun aspect of the game. I also liked that it was our first chance to really meet Deirdre Shannon. I just liked the whole mystery aspect of this game, with dusting for finger prints and picking locks to trying to determine a suspect.

14. Legend of the Crystal Skull: I liked the dark vibe of this game, and that we got to play as Bess. I really enjoyed Henry Bolet and his character, and I think that the overall plot of the game was really interesting. The crystal skull was a really cool idea to have in a game, and I feel like overall the game had a good balance of creepiness. I also loveddd the little trap on the poor shop keeper with the sneezing powder.

13. The Captive Curse (New): I honestly really liked this one! I liked the history of the castle, and I loved the characters. I loved playing the games with Lukas and Karl, and play them a lot. I think there was a really nice balance of creepiness to not over power the game, and I overall really enjoyed it. I think the idea of the game was fun, and the puzzles were also super fun. I like how developed the characters are here, and it was a game that I honestly didn’t want to end when I found it reaching the final scene. However, the Ned and Nancy drama in the beginning wasn’t helpful at all. I understood the drama in the Sea of Darkness, but the drama in the game was minuscule and just unnecessary. But other than that, I enjoyed getting to have Frank on the phone, he was fun to talk to. 

12. Danger on Deception Island: This was another one of my favorites from when I was a kid. I always enjoyed the puzzle, especially the one with building Nessie for some weird reason. I thought the plot was really interesting, and that it was a creative idea. The puzzle in the game were also really creative, and I thought that overall, it was a cool game. The characters were interesting, and so was the plot.

10. The Deadly Device: The danger. The mystery. I spent so freaking long trying to beat aggregation, I cannot express the pleasure of completing all the levels. I like that this one had a murder, which reminded me of some of her older cases. I really enjoyed the characters in this one too, and I like how much a true mystery the case was. There were a few moments that really had me a little anxious and on the edge of my seat as I played.

9. Shadow at the Water’s Edge: One of the scarier games of the series, but I enjoy it. I feel like there are certain scenes that are actually terrifying, and I love how well done everything is. All the characters are interesting and finding out the backstory of the hotel and all the ghost business of the game. I think that it as a whole was just an amazing game, and there was so much detail that went into this game that I loved.

8.  The White Wolf of Icicle Creek: Weirdly enough, I love the chores aspect of this game. I normally hate doing chores, but they’re kinda fun here. I think the puzzles in this game are fun, and so is the mystery. I love it when Nancy goes undercover. I love that they brought back Tino Balducci for it, and like Nancy, I feel like all of us were groaning at the realization that we had to work with him (but we were all also kinda excited to do it too). However, there was so much history to the game, that I feel like the ending was kinda abrupt, but that could totally just be me.

7.  Secret of the Old Clock: I absolutely love the fact that this game takes place in the 1930s and that it’s based loosely on Carolyn Keene’s books The Secret of the Old Clock and The Mystery at Lilac Inn. The mini games are some of my favorites, and I just enjoyed all the characters and the plot. I always had a lot of fun when I played this one when I was younger, and it was always a game I looked forward to playing

6.  Treasure in a Royal Tower: I love the history that the game is based on, Marie Antoinette. I found that the puzzles in this game were fairly fun too, but I especially liked having to do a bit of sneaking around. I feel like the older games had a lot more danger to them, and I found myself on the edge of my seat sometime while playing.

5.  Danger by Design: Ooooh, this is a fun one. I loved getting to work for Minette, even though she was kinda crazy. All the puzzles were so much fun, but my favorites have to be the cooking challenge and the designs for Prudence Rutherford. The characters are super fun in this game, and I love the plot about the stained glass too. Getting to go into the catacombs is also super fun, and overall, I think they went in a really good direction for this game.

4.  The Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon: I adored this game when I was a kid since it was the first Nancy Drew game I ever played. The idea of a hidden gold mine on top while also having Lori’s disappearance on a moving train was just so fascinating to me. I always enjoyed the puzzles and loved the characters, especially the Hardy Brothers.

AND FINALLY… MY TOP 3 FAVORITE GAMES

3.  The Secret of Shadow Ranch: This is one of the more recent one I played, and I loved it so much. I love the history and culture of New Mexico, so I really enjoyed getting to see the petroglyphs and the cliff dwellings. I’m also a sucker for baking puzzles in games, so I really enjoyed that. The characters were also really interesting, and I loved the Dirk Valentine plot line. Overall, it was a really really fun game that I would love to play again.

2.  Phantom of Venice: This game is near and dear to my heart. The characters are really interesting, and I love getting a glimpse at Ned and Nancy’s relationship, with him giving her the necklace (especially since the more recent games have been giving them a rocky relationship). I think the adventure itself is an interesting one, and I love it when Nancy travels abroad for a mystery. The puzzle in this game were really interesting, and overall, I really enjoy it. I also loved getting to be Punchy LaRue!

1. Warnings at Waverly Academy: This has been my favorite Nancy Drew game for years. I love all the characters and how different yet similar they are to one another. The puzzle throughout the game, from making a DNA strand to playing scram and air hockey, I didn’t dislike any of them.  And the Edgar Allen Poe story plot is also super cool, I think that was an amazing plot that Her Interactive came up with. Also, the snack shop mini-game is just so much fun. “As of now, the snack shop is open!”

[luckycloud808]

weird asks that say a lot from @julietgiulia​

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Coffee mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? Chocolate 

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Neither

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? Shy, conscientious, perfectionist

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Glasses

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? All contributors

7. earbuds or headphones? Earbuddies :)

8. movies or tv shows? Movies

9. favourite smell in the summer? Hot soil, flowering plants, fruit and needle trees, post rain, towel after ocean swim, wind through car window driving through forest(ed highway)

10. game you were best at in p.e.? Hockey, soccer, california kickball, high jump and arm hang? 

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? Usually oatmeal or millet with omegas, fruit and oat milk or avocado bagel with black pepper and nutritional yeast

12. name of your favourite playlist? A nice mix for ness

13. lanyard or key ring? Key ring

14. favourite non-chocolate candy? Licorice, candied fennel or anise seeds

15. favourite book you read as a school assignment? Les miserables, The thief lord, The cellist of Sarajevo - off the top

16. most comfortable position to sit in? Slumpy posture, one leg over or under the other, knee tuck or apple sauce

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? Hiking boots or black sambas

18. ideal weather? Sunny after rain a little windy

19. sleeping position? No pillow usually on my left or on my back or front with one leg bent 

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? Notebook or notes app

21. obsession from childhood? Fairies and making homes

22. role model? Opa

23. strange habits? Not sure what qualifies as strange

24. favourite crystal? Not really into them but maybe jade or quartz 

25. first song you remember hearing? I turned out a punk or something by Joe Strummer

26. favourite activity to do in warm weather? Backpacking

27. favourite activity to do in cold weather? Cuddling, snowy adventuring, dancing

28. five songs to describe you? Hazel (bob dylan), Planted a thought (arthur russell), Junie (solange), Corridor of dreams (the cleaners from venus), Even cowgirls get the blues (emmylou harris)

29. best way to bond with you? Quality time, presence, care, spontaneity / silly curiousity

30. places that you find sacred? Oma and Opa’s yard and greenhouse, forest, Veluwe, ocean

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Floral dress, nice earrings with sambas and sweatshirt or hiking boots, wool socks and over shirt, with shorts and tank top

32. top five favourite vines? Fresh avocado is the only one that comes to mind

33. most used phrase in your phone? Yay sweet and or That’s funny

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? Can’t think of any

35. average time you fall asleep? 2am

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably one of those justgirlythings ones here or Fb I have no idea

37. suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. lemonade or tea? Tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon tart

40. weirdest thing to ever happen to you at your school? High school - Maybe bear spray yoe evac? authority figure telling me what I was wearing was inappropriate? psych teacher crying in class? Post sec - Tiktok famous boy makes a tiktok of me knitting in psych class? boy crushing steals my textbook just to get me to go to his car so he can return it to me? 

41. last person you texted? Daisy 🌼

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? BOTH

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie

44. favourite scent for soap? Rose, patchouli, rosemary, lavendar, mint, etc.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Naked 

47. favourite type of cheese? Cashew cheese or if I could brie

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? White nectarine but there are so many to try!

49. what saying or quote do you live by? “She walked with her entire body as if to gain momentum for an event in which her entire body would participate.” - Anaïs Nin (A spy in the house of love)

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? Probably my kid best friend

51. current stresses? Health issues, unstable income

52. favorite font? Freight rn

53. what is the current state of your hands? Coffee shakes

54. what did you learn from your first job? Hundreds of PLU’s, how to pack groceries, how messy and wasteful people are, that everyone should have to do a customer service job in their lifetime, how really great and awful people are, that I shouldn’t let other people’s stresses make me feel like I should be stressed, that quitting is good sometimes

55. favourite fairy tale? The six swans, Vasalisa the wise, Baba yaga, Bluebeard, Rumpelstiltskin, The red shoes, The velvet ribbon, Goldilocks and the three bears, and many many more

56. favourite tradition? Writing letters and cards, dressing up for halloween, celebrating birthdays

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Eating disorder, depression and heartbreak (although these are things I still need to keep being overcome)

58. four talents you’re proud of having? Writing, taking notes, learning about my body, feeling for what resonates

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Heyo, how bout that!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? Nausicaä of the valley of the wind (hayao miyazaki)

61. favourite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? Recently found on my Tumblr feed from a book waiting on my shelf: “I want to believe, walking those aimless nights, that I was praying. For what I’m still not sure. But I always felt it was just ahead of me. That if I walked far enough, long enough, I would find it–perhaps even hold it up, like a tongue at the end of its word.” - Ocean Vuong (On earth we’re briefly gorgeous)

62. seven characters you relate to? In no particular order, not long thought out: 1) Sabina (A spy in the house of love), 2) Elio (Call me by your name), 3) Patti (Just kids), 4) Sally (The ruby in the smoke), 5) Camille (Un amour de jeunesse), 6) Dani (Midsommar), 7) Orla (Derry Girls)

63. five songs that would play in your club? I follow rivers - the magician remix (lykke li), JA! (bizzey), Gasolina (daddy yankee), Nice for what (drake), This must be the place - naive melody (talking heads) / love my way (psychedelic furs)

64. favourite website from your childhood? Myscene, Club penguin - those free gaming websites 

65. any permanent scars? A few on my face from tables and my dog, one on my knee from flip flops on a boat launch, a few burns here and there that probably aren’t permanent

66. favourite flower(s)? Always changing, echinacea and yellow roses rn

67. good luck charms? Change on the ground, nice earrings, well worn shoes, spotting flowers or animals

68. worst flavour of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Cream of mushroom

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? Popped in my head, maybe not the most fun - the flower bud in the centres of apple tree fruiting spurs make the king fruit (the biggest and best apple from each spur) and if you pick the king blossom then all the surrounding blossoms will be bigger and better 

70. left or right handed? Right

71. least favourite pattern? Galaxy?

72. worst subject? Economics

73. favourite weird flavour combo? Miso and apple, blueberries and coconut curry, orange juice and beer (I don't know if its really possible to find a “weird” combo maybe it’s more like “not found in my culture”)

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? 5 if 0 is no pain (I don't think I’ve been above 8.5)

75. when did you lose your first tooth? No idea

76. what’s your favourite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? Gnocchi or boerenkool

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? Flowering plants

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Station coffee

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? School id

80. earth tones or jewel tones? Earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? I don't think I have much experience with either

82. pc or console? I cannot either way

83. writing or drawing? This is my kryptonite question

84. podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts if I had to choose

84. barbie or polly pocket? Polly pocket

85. fairy tales or mythology? Mythology (stories are linked more)

86. cookies or cupcakes? Cookies

87. your greatest fear? My health issues keep accumulating and getting worse forever

88. your greatest wish? My health issues resolve

89. who would you put before everyone else? Myself, Suzmom or Marleymoon

90. luckiest mistake? Choosing mini school, don't regret it but maybe not the best decision

91. boxes or bags? Bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Sunlight and rocksalt lamps

93. nicknames? Ness, nessie, nessa, bean, bear, benjamin, kindje, sweet pea

94. favourite season? Late spring or late summer

95. favourite app on your phone? Flo, Spotify, Google maps, notes, weather, find my

96. desktop background? Santa Catalina Island off the coast of Southern California

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? 7+

98. favourite historical era? I love revolutions and renaissances but all of em have hard times and good times

[onwardintolight]

Han x Leia, ESB, Trip to Bespin, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Summary: ESB from Leia's POV. A journey from despair to hope, a blossoming, an opening to vulnerability and love.

Warnings: Deals with some heavy themes, incl. working through trauma, depression, self-harm, attempted sexual assault. Each chapter will be individually warned.

Note: I’m currently in the process of reposting the first nine chapters here in full, since when I first wrote this fic, I only shared links to the chapters on AO3 and FFN. I will try to post at least weekly. In the meantime, if you’d prefer to binge-read it, the entire fic is posted in full on AO3 and FFN.

Part: Masterlist | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | Epilogue

~~~

Puffy clouds of rose gold melted into orange, and violet striations marked the sky as if placed there by brushstroke. It was dawn, and the city in the clouds shone with reflected colors as the Falcon finally made its approach.

Leia’s breath would have caught at Bespin’s extraordinary beauty if it hadn’t already been shallow with worry.

Two small ships with twin pods, presumably from the Cloud City security force, flanked their side threateningly. A curt voice came over the comm.

“No, I don’t have a landing permit,” Han repeated. Annoyance filled his voice as he slowed down his enunciation in an effort to get the message across. “I’m trying to reach Lando Calrissian!”

Without warning, the Falcon jolted as the cloud cars fired on them. Leia sucked in a breath, alarmed at the unexpected escalation. Great, she thought.

“Wait a minute!” yelled Han into the comm. “Let me explain!”

“You will not deviate from your present course,” said the voice.

“Rather touchy, aren’t they?” remarked Threepio as he stood behind Chewie.

Leia glanced at Han. “I thought you knew this person.”

«You think he’s still angry at us for leaving him during that job on Socorro?» Chewie asked.

“Well, that was a long time ago; I’m sure he’s forgotten about that,” Han muttered.

Leia was not comforted. She glared at Han, biting her tongue to avoid saying something she would regret.

“Permission granted to land on Platform Three-Two-Seven,” one of their escorts said.

“Thank you!” Han growled. He paused, sensing Leia’s spiraling unease. “There’s nothing to worry about,” he insisted. “We go way back, Lando and me.”

“Who’s worried?” Leia replied dryly.

Following the cloud cars, they wove through the orange twilight into the still-shadowed city. Lights gleamed out of a hundred towers. Cloud City’s people were awakening and beginning their day; she could see their silhouettes in the windows as they passed, moving here and there. Homing in on the landing platform they were being directed towards, Han and Chewie began the landing cycle, and soon, for the first time in three weeks, they were on the ground. The sigh of the ship as it came to rest had a certain air of finality to it.

Wordlessly, the four of them rose and headed towards the boarding ramp, strapping on their weapons as they went. Han stopped her on the way, taking hold of her shoulders. “It’ll be all right,” he murmured. “I promise.” He gave her a quick kiss; she suspected it was as much to reassure himself as it was her.  She wanted to believe his words, but every sense was on edge, the warning klaxons in her head growing steadily louder. This was not helped by the fact that when they descended the boarding ramp, they found only shut doors and an eerie silence.

“Oh! No one to meet us,” Threepio exclaimed.

Leia shook her head, stopping at the bottom of the ramp. “I don’t like this.”

“Well, what would you like?” Han turned around to face her, exasperation finally getting the better of him.

“They did let us land,” the droid commented.

“Look, don’t worry,” Han said, reaching out a hand to pacify her. “Everything’s going to be fine; trust me.”

Leia set her lips in a straight line. Before she could reply, however, they heard the unmistakable sound of a door sliding open. Turning to look down the length of the platform, they saw two people—one of whom wore a cape—consulting with each other in the doorway before walking out onto the platform, followed by a cadre of guards.

“See? My friend,” Han said. Taking two steps forward, he paused by Chewie. “Keep your eyes open, huh?” he muttered to the Wookiee before striding out to meet the approaching party. “Hey!” he called, spreading out his arms in welcome.

The caped man, leading the group, did not do the same. “Why, you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler!” he said coldly. “You’ve got a lot of guts coming here, after what you pulled.”

«Uh-oh,» growled Chewie.

The man approached Han. Without warning, he lunged—except it turned into a hug instead. He started laughing. “How’re you doing, you old pirate? So good to see you!” His tone had completely changed. “I never thought I’d get to see you again! Where’ve you been?” At a signal from his aide, who appeared to be a cyborg, the guards left.

«Just like old times!» Chewie remarked cheerfully.

“He seems very friendly!” said Threepio.

“Yes,” grumbled Leia. “Very friendly.” She followed the other two as they went to to join Han in the middle of the platform.

“What are you doing here?” Lando was still quizzing Han.

“Repairs. I thought you could help me out.”

Lando frowned. “What have you done to my ship?”



“Your ship? Hey, remember you lost her to me fair and square.”

“And how are you doing, Chewbacca?” Lando turned to greet the Wookiee. “You still hangin’ around with this loser?”

«Better than hanging around with you!» Chewie teased, though Leia didn’t think Lando could understand him.

All of a sudden, Lando’s attention was entirely on her. “Hello, what have we here?” he crooned.

Leia bit back her anger at being called a “what.” Just… give him a chance, she told herself. Maybe he’s not so different from Han.

“Welcome! I’m Lando Calrissian, the administrator of this facility. And who might you be?”

“Leia.” She forced a smile, and the once-scoundrel bent down to kiss her hand. Her eyes met Han��s; she saw a flash of jealousy there, which made her feel rather gratified.

“All right, all right,” Han said good-naturedly, grabbing Leia’s hand as he moved between them and escorted her towards the door. “You old smoothie!” She smiled, the tension that had been building for days finally beginning to melt into the background. Whatever lay ahead, they would at least have a day or two together in this beautiful city. She intended to enjoy it to the fullest of her ability.

____

Lando led them through the elegant, curved white halls of Cloud City. There were picturesque plazas and beautiful works of art seemingly around every bend, and with a pang, Leia realized it reminded her of home.

There were no dark, foggy rooms in sight.

“How’s the gas mine?” Han was asking Lando. “Is it paying off for you?”

“Oh, not as well as I’d like,” he answered. “We’re a small outpost and not very self-sufficient. And I’ve had supply problems of every kind. I’ve had labor difficulties—what’s so funny?”

Han was laughing. “You! Listen to you. You sound like a businessman, a responsible leader. Who would have thought that, huh?”

Lando seemed pleased at the backhanded compliment. He stopped, turning to face his old friend. “You know, seeing you sure brings back a few things.”

“Yeah.” Han put a hand on his shoulder.

They shared a meaningful look, then Lando led them on. “Yeah, I’m responsible these days.”

Han glanced back, catching Leia’s eyes. She smiled at him and nodded her approval. There was something about Lando’s charm that made her uncomfortable, but setting that aside, he really did seem decent and respectable. See? she told herself. Han’s right. You need to stop worrying.

“…it’s the price you pay for being successful,” Lando continued, and he and Han shared a laugh.

Lando pointed out potential places of interest as they passed: restaurants, shops, entertainment. Han and Leia’s eyes slid towards each other again. Her mind wandered, imagining her hand in his as they enjoyed a dinner under the light of candledroids or attended a play in the Nabooian theater.

Their guest suite was at the top of a central tower, not far from the landing platform. It consisted of a circular lounging chamber from which other rooms branched off. On one side of the chamber was a great, long window with a spectacular view over the city; on the other side were several doors leading to a breakfast room, a refresher, a smaller second lounge, and a bedroom with its own private refresher.

Lando had taken his leave after showing them to their suite, but not before offering to provide them with anything that would make their stay more comfortable. Leia requested some fresh clothes, and soon several elegant and perfectly fitted gowns were brought up along with a hammock for Chewie, which he hung up in the second lounge.

After hanging up her clothes, Leia took a closer look at the bedroom. In the middle of the chamber was a very large bed with impossibly soft-looking pillows and silky sheets. When was the last time she had slept in a proper bed? She imagined curling up next to Han on it, drifting off to sleep.

Of course, there were… other possibilities such a bed could offer. Possibilities that were highly tempting. She swallowed hard. Suddenly, she felt much more uncertain about her decisions.

Hearing a sound behind her, she turned to find Han, staring at the bed with a similar expression. His eyes flickered up and found hers. For one long moment they gazed at each other in silence.

Leia bit her lip. “Han….” she trailed off.

He swallowed. Then blinking, he squared his shoulders. “Uh, Chewie ’n me are gonna go back and get our travel bags from the Falcon.”



Leia nodded, shaking off her thoughts. She followed him back out into the main lounge and quickly began making a checklist of things for them to bring back from the ship.

After a moment, she stopped short, frowning. Something didn’t feel right. Her eyes darted around the room, a sinking feeling in her heart. “Where’s Threepio?”

[shitthesignssay]

Driver Signs: A Zodiac Guide to Your Road Habits 

ARIES  ( March 21-April 20 )

Most likely to: speed up through an intersection if the traffic light is yellow, look in the rearview mirror, and mutter “suckers” under their breath at those now stuck at the red light. Enthusiastic and assertive, these fireballs are the pioneers of the road who create “new ways” out of traffic jams (this can include shoulder-driving and tearing through grassy medians).

Least likely to: sit still in rush-hour traffic without yelling “Moooooove!” and shaking their steering wheel with a white-knuckle grip at 10 and 2.

Vehicle of choice: all-wheel drive (in case the need arises to go off-road), and anything with let’s-open-this-baby-up-on-the-highway speed.

TAURUS ( April 21-May 21 )

Most likely to: sing in the car with the windows down. These lovers of nature also enjoy indulging in the good things in life, and will persevere through heavy traffic to hit the specialty cheese shop across town for its mimolette.

Least likely to: let their car registration tags expire. Taureans often call bull on paying a late fee. They are practical, careful with their money, and have enough patience to diligently shop around for the least expensive gas prices.

Vehicle of choice: anything with loads of legroom, great lumbar supports, and suspension that allows the vehicle to “ride like a marshmallow.”

GEMINI ( May 22-June 21 )

Most likely to: multitask and chat it up while driving (bad news for Geminis who live in states that ban using cell phones while driving). Geminis make the best road-trip partners as their conversation never  dulls, and they are always in a state of wonder no matter how rural Farm Road Where the Eff Are We gets.

Least likely to: sit on their hands while talking. This enthusiastic lot talks with their hands with the energy of a child hopped up on Otter Pops.

Vehicle of choice: zippy compacts

CANCER ( June 22-July 22 )

Most likely to: fume over the unsafe driver who cut them off, trail him all the way to a stoplight while shaking a fist in the air, and then make mean-eyes at said driver when he glances back in the rearview mirror.

Least likely to: hit a squirrel, pigeon, Canadian goose, cat, deer, you get the idea. Cancerians are the warmest and fuzziest of the zodiac signs, with a knack for nurturing.

Vehicle of choice: the vehicle with the highest safety ratings, a quadruple-seatbelt system, and a Jumbotron-size rearview backup camera.

LEO ( July 23-August 22 )

Most likely to: grab the attention of other drivers on the road with a creative vanity plate, their beaming smile, or their courage to boldly lead a caravan of speedsters in the fast lane. These natural leaders love the spotlight, love to play, and love to love. They adore an appreciative audience, even when entertaining a small, sitting-room  crowd while waiting to get an oil change.

Least likely to: talk their way out of a traffic ticket. Although Leos are all heart and have a warm and sunny disposition perfect for winning over Officer Oh-No-You-Didn’t, they cannot, will not, MUST NOT admit they are wrong.

Vehicle of choice: Leos feels confident in any ride, but opt for one that garners them the lion’s share of attention.

VIRGO ( August 23-September 22 )

Most likely to: wash their windows every time they get gas and even volunteer to squeegee their pump-mate’s windshield to validate their own self-worth. Well that, and to temper neuroses that arises over spots, specks, and dashes of dirt.

Least likely to: botch a parking job. Virgos are true perfectionists and have the ability to park with all three sides of their vehicles equidistant from each of the bordering white lines. Their attention to detail also shows in their ability to maintain a highly organized trunk. Often nicknamed the “Killers of Clutter.”

Vehicle of choice: A fuel-efficient vehicle that doesn’t break the bank. Duh.

LIBRA ( September 23-October 22 )

Most likely to: wave hello while driving past strangers, neighbors, dogs even, often garnering a “What tha? Who was that?” look on the recipients’ faces. These light-hearted socialites would go so far as to share the road with a rollerblader because “everyone deserves his own equally proportionate slice of asphalt.” These diplomats will bend over backward to skirt disharmony and keep the peace, but balance things out with a sprinkling of occasional road rage.

Least likely to: make a decision on which tires to buy without asking the clerk 15 questions and then still calling their partner (Librans are rarely without a significant other, or sweets for that matter).

Vehicle of choice: Oh wait, you want me to pick?

SCORPIO ( October 23-November 21 )

Most likely to: psychically anticipate the lane change of fellow drivers, even before they signal. Because they belong to the most passionate of the zodiac signs, Scorpios also will feel deeply hurt if said lane-changers forget to wave “thank you.”

Least likely to: give up. Even when faced with a hellacious line at the DMV, Scorpios persevere, love an intense challenge, and often refuse defeat. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes (of burned out drivers waiting in line for their number to be called), a Scorpio has the ability to be reborn with a new understanding of life (and how to renew their vehicle registration). But don't sit next to one because they’ll probe until you give them your whole life story without sharing an ounce of their own.

Vehicle of choice: hot-blooded muscle car

SAGITTARIUS ( November 22-December 21 )

Most likely to: reply “You know it!” when asked to road trip on a whim. These free spirits are always up for an adventure and have a burning desire to expand their horizons. At the same time, they have a taste for the extravagant and likely wouldn’t be cool with breaking for a night in any crusty, old, motel.

Least likely to: settle. Sagittarians’ idealism is hard to suppress. Their pie-in-the-sky way of thinking leaves them saying things such as, “If only the DMV had a couple of blackjack tables and a roulette wheel. Then it wouldn’t suck so badly to wait in line.”

Vehicle of choice: sparkling convertible

CAPRICORN ( December 22-January 20 )

Most likely to: heed the posted speed limit, even when running late to the airport. It’s not like there’s only one flight per lifetime, right? When Capricorns have a goal in mind, they possess unwavering determination and patience to achieve it—even if it takes f—o—r—e—v—e—r. These cautious drivers rarely get speeding tickets, yet take their time paying off parking citations.

Least likely to: let another driver into their lane at the last second. This usually goes something like: “Oh I’m sorry, did you want to cut me off and squeeze into my lane because you didn’t patiently wait in line to merge like everyone else? Fat chance!”

Vehicle of choice: sturdy vehicles they can trust (and nickname).

AQUARIUS ( January 21-February 19 )

Most likely to: give a few bucks to the gent standing at the street corner with a cardboard sign that reads: OBAMA ISN’T THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS CHANGE. Plus, these humanitarians can detach themselves from a rush-hour jam to see how each driver is really just a part of a larger organism (called traffic) that moves in the same (albeit slow) direction as one unit.

Least likely to: take orders. Sure, this friendly and helpful lot are all about unity. Just don’t infringe on their freedom to do, think, and drive as they please.

Vehicle of choice: anything electric to match their personality. Original and trendsetting, Aquarians drive today what others will be driving tomorrow.

PISCES ( February 20-March 20 )

Most likely to: daydream while stuck in jeez-this-sucks traffic about some iridescent, far-off wonderland where traffic flows like a bubbling stream and car insurance comes in seven flavors.

Least likely to: fight you for a parking space in the Whole Foods parking lot (and that’s saying a lot. I mean, have you tried peacefully parking at that joint after 5 pm?). In line with their uplifting nature, they might even offer to give you a piggyback ride into the store should they sense you’ve had a long day. That’s because Pisceans are the least selfish and most deeply compassionate fish in the sea.

Vehicle of choice: whatever feels right to them.

Source: https://www.dmv.org/articles/driver-signs-a-zodiac-guide-to-your-road-habits/