#porky’s building

[abybweisse]

Ch213, Spoilers part 3

They get to the resort hotel, and as they exit the carriage, they are greeted by a bellhop.

Someone else is greeting them, too, but Sebastian looks around, not seeing the person the voice is coming from.

Then he looks over and down to see this very short man in a suit and top hat, looking for all the world like a fancier version of Milburn Pennybags (the Monopoly™️ guy).

There's an odd grin on his face as he bows...

...and when he looks up again and speaks, both our earl and Sebastian look shocked. It could be that he recognizes them -- perhaps even addresses them by name -- and still invites them in. It reminds me of how Joker answers the door at Kelvin's and says they were expecting them.

And this place -- The Nectar Springs -- doesn't look like the place we saw at the waterfront before.

Now it's giving me Mother3 vibes, comparing it to Empire Porky Building, where the lobby includes hot springs.

I tried to find this building and have not, though I did find Queen's Hotel and Spa:

And the Royal Albion seaside hotel:

Elements of these Brighton resort hotels might have been included in the manga, but neither one matches the grandeur of The Nectar Springs' height and balconies. I'll keep looking. Let me know if you find any good contenders.

[minipokeys]

Pollyannas

[eegasleega-will-change-this-l8r]

gooooosh dang it i couldn't help myself

0% chance of me even coming close to finishing this but I started a New Pork City build on Minecraft

Actually my second attempt, originally I tried basically just going straight off the game

But it doesn't look that good, none of it is sized or styled in a way that feels good in minecraft, it feels very cold and empty to walk through, and my attempts to make it conform to the game's map makes my terrible scaling of everything wayyy more obvious XP (THE STEVE HEADS WERE A PLACEHOLDER i just didn't wanna bother looking for a bunch of custom heads that would fit ><)

So this new version I'm gonna try more to replicate the "spirit" of the game and make something that feels really cool and fits both Minecraft and the MOTHER 3 vibe :D rather than try to transplant a 2D game map to a 3D format

I miiight try sketching out a basic plan of the layout I have in mind, which'll be fairly different

Anyway here's some more stuff I've already built:

While I didn't like the direction I was going with this version, I do like how I did the fake buildings, so this sorta gives an idea of how I'll be doing them in the new version

How much I actually have done XP I've been struggling a lot with the big arch thingy (which I'm moving to be the entrance of the city) Minecraft reeeeally needs more gold blocks for building, copper is GREAT and they need to give more metals as much stuff as copper has

And my first (basically) completed building, Beauty & Tasty! Still needs some work on the walls and ceiling, but it's more or less finished Gives me an idea of the scale everything else will need to be at in the build It's MUCH larger than the first version I did, which was wayyy more cramped and sad

And of course I'll be including the King Statue that I already built ^^ (which would've been wayyyyyy too big at the scale the first version of the city was)

Soooo like I said, no way this'll ever come close to being done, but I'll post updates whenever I manage to make something significant!

[disneyllect]

[totallynottinsel]

WoooooO Self-promo cuz it’s officially my 10th venti asmrrrrr 🏌️

[incorrectlooneytunesquotes]

Boston Quackie (Daffy Duck): I don't think Mithsus Fudd did it. Inspector Faraway (Porky Pig): Oh my g-g-g-g-gosh! That means she's a mur-a mur-uh a killer. Quackie: Why? Faraway: Oh p-p-p-please, Quackie. It's n-n-n-not like you're instincts on these things are famou-famou-famou-known to be g-g-good.

[dorothydalmati1]

Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies 1937 Episode 15: Porky's Building

Written by George Manuell

Directed by Frank Tashlin

Animated by Volney White & Norman McCabe

Voice characterizations by Mel Blanc, Billy Bletcher, Berneice Hansell & Tedd Pierce

[melded-galaxy]

Ultimis Richtofen: Throughout the years

Part 3 of 3: The peak of insanity and the fall from power

Tranzit: Takes place on 21st October 2035 in Hanford, Washington, U.S.A. Richtofen took over the MPD in 2025, meaning this is the 10th year since the Earth became an irradiated, lava and zombie-infested wasteland.

I think it's safe to say Richtofen is more off his rocker than ever, having reigned over the zombies and being connected to the Aether for a decade. He's incredibly zany, raunchy and childish, has uncontrollable mood swings, his emotions flipping from absolute rage to joy at a moment's notice. His attitude towards Stuhlinger ranges from trying to be somewhat supportive and friendly to sexually harassing him to savagely insulting and threatening him, depending on the map and how well Samuel is following his instructions.

Over the years, both Richtofen and Maxis found ways to contact the surviving humans, both men vying for the surviving humans' loyalty for their own goals. Battles were fought on behalf of the two scientists between differing groups of survivors.

Richtofen often pitted the remaining members of both the CDC and CIA against each other for his own amusement. Seen in the 8-player BO2 Zombies Grief mode on maps Town, Farm and Borough.

George Barkley, former assistant director of the CDC, reports that Element 115 has seemingly spread across the globe, similar to an air-born virus, with infected survivors listing 'short-term memory loss, psychosis, delusion, and paranoia' as side effects. Tellingly, Richtofen suffers from all of these.

It quickly becomes apparent that Richtofen can only communicate with any human that has eaten zombie flesh. Stuhlinger, a member of Victis, and a previous member of a cult named The Flesh, is the only one in the group that can hear Richtofen. The rest of the team is in contact with Maxis. Despite Stuhlinger's pleas, Victis ultimately sides with Maxis.

Similar to at the end of Moon's easter egg, as Richtofen is in control of the zombies he is once again the demonic announcer.

Richtofen is unamused by Victis and is starting to miss his old teammates, especially Nikolai. 'Gah, you guys are boring!' 'Blah blah blah vodka vodka blah blah. *sighs* I think I'm starting to miss that drunk...' 'You know, I think I'm starting to miss the other three...'

Despite being unimpressed with Victis, Richtofen does enjoy trolling them. 'Oh look, you got the Wunderwaffe DG2... JUST KIDDING!' 'It looks like a Max Ammo but I can't be sure... I can only see EVERYTHING at the same time.' 'You know, I never like how that little brat never told us how anything worked, so the secret to survive is *gibberish* ... AND THAT'S HOW YOU WIN!'

Tells Stuhlinger that he wants to heal the Earth, though also admits only so he can use the survivors as playthings. Also mentions to Stu that Maxis will kill all surviving humans... he's right. 'Soon, this beautiful planet will be healed once more and the flesh will cover the Earth!' 'You will be the heroes that saved all the Earth... for ME TO PLAY WITH!' 'Maxis WILL KILL YOU ALL!' 'We must hurry because Maxis is a busy little beaver unt the dam he builds will kill you all! Trust me!'

The doc enjoys calling Stuhlinger nicknames. 'Sammy! Sammy boy! Are you ignoring me?' 'The clock is ticking my little pink sausage... you better move those porky little legs!'

The tactic of leaving a single crawler at the end of the round to take a break, Pack a Punch or complete Easter Egg steps seems to be a canon method Richtofen and the rest of Ultimis used throughout their journey to Moon. 'Ah. Trying to take a break I see.' 'Now which one of you is going to take care of that little bastard while everyone else runs around?'

He is acquainted with Nacht Der Untoten's main building and quotes that it looks familiar.

Die Rise: Interestingly enough, the events of Die Rise take place only a day after Tranzit, on the 22nd of October, 2035 in Shanghai, China.

The opening cutscene shows us that a demonic-sounding voice is ordering Samuel around and instructing him to 'mend the rift'. When Stuhlinger argues back, the voice reveals that it knows of Samuel's past acts of cannibalism when he was still a member of The Flesh and threatens to tell the others.

I'm not sure if this demonic voice is supposed to be Richtofen, or an Apothicon speaking to Stuhlinger, as we do hear the doc later on in the cutscene when he's telling Victis to 'Accept their fate. Begin anew.'

The cutscene also reveals that Richtofen teleported them from Washington to Shanghai and that when Victis dies, Richtofen has the power to rewind time, bringing them back to life and effectively giving them another chance to aid him against Maxis. Victis have no memory of their former deaths, only a sense of deja vu.

Strangely enough, Richtofen does this despite Victis siding with Maxis before in Tranzit and for some reason either chooses not to or can't rewind time after Victis previously chose to aid Maxis.

Once again, Victis ultimately sides with Maxis.

Unfortunately, one part of the Easter Egg involves getting balls wet with the Sliquifier. This proves too much for Richtofen, who becomes even hornier than usual and more sexually-frustrated than ever. This is made doubly uncomfortable by the fact that he is still currently in the body of a little girl. Oh, and he calls Stuhlinger a whore (...projection). "Look to the dragon. The energy flows! Oh, how it flows on my face." "JAA! MAKE THOSE BALLS WET, YOU WHORE!" "More! Keep going...(whispering) ugh you cannot have dry balls, dry balls ugh not good." "Ahhh, that was good. Maxis will no longer be able to get his filthy hands on those balls, those all-so-wet balls."

Buried: Takes place on 31st of December, 2035 in Angola, Africa. The opening cinematic shows Victis travelling on foot, so Richtofen most likely didn't teleport them to the location.

It's implied in the opening dialogue Richtofen and Stuhlinger engage in that the doctor hasn't been in contact with Stu as frequently, most likely because of Victis siding with Maxis on Tranzit and again on Die Rise. It's possible Richtofen was trying to contact other survivors to do his bidding in Victis' place. Nevertheless, Richtofen ultimately tries once more to get Samuel to convince the rest of Victis to do as he says, with no success.

Victis for the final time sides with Maxis, setting up the last polarisation tower to open the ‘rift’ for Maxis. This results in Maxis harnessing the power of the Aether and taking control of the zombies. Maxis kicks Richtofen out of Samantha's body and into the body of a zombie as a punishment. When the zombie is killed, Richtofen's soul enters another zombie nearby, damning the doctor to die over and over again at the hands of Victis. Maxis, powered by the Aether, sets out to reunite with Samantha, which will unfortunately lead to the destruction of Earth and all its inhabitants. This is the canonical ending.

In the non-canon ending where Victis sides with Richtofen in all the maps, he gains full control over the Aether and zombies and proceeds to erase Maxis from existence. Edward seems disinterested in returning to his own body and now has the power to rejoin the physical world, which he does by taking over Stuhlinger's body... or at least attempts to. Much to the doctor's surprise, Samuel survives Richtofen's body-snatching attempt and the two now must share/fight for control over Stuhlinger's body. Richtofen appears stuck in Stuhlinger's body and admits that he didn't think this through.

Similar to Die Rise, Richtofen is ridiculously horny in this map. 'Aha, you are making an old German very happy... unt stiff.' 'Keep going! I do not want you to stop... not even for breathe... ahaha.' 'You are reaching the climatic moment... oh it feels good ja?'

He's also ridiculously childish, repeatedly yapping about playing games and having fun. 'Curse you Maxis! You and your stupid girl! You are always ruining my fun unt games!' 'Now, throw the pennies into the fountain and we get to play a fun little game ahaha.' 'Now you go from grumbly hateful to hungry grateful ahahaha! I rhymed!' 'Ah, it's really not that different from how things were before, Sammy. We get to talk to each other, play games! It's really quite exciting! You'll like the fact that we're gonna be eating more salad.'

Alludes to 'the cycle', a big part of the zombie storyline we see in B03 and BO4. 'Nein. It cannot be like this forever. There has to be a way to break the cycle.'

He knows the rest of Victis disliked Stuhlinger. 'Now search their cold, dead bodies aha. It shouldn't be too upsetting - I know you weren't close!'

Interestingly, similar to his Primis counterpart, he feels a strong urge to be needed by others/meet their approval. Also like his Primis self, he is disgusted by dirt and mess. 'I just want to feel needed again!' 'Ahh! The bodies are so filthy! So dirty so stinky! Would it kill you to stop eating brains and take a shower!'

Richtofen acts self-pitying and disgusted when stuck in the body of a zombie, and seems to feel its hunger for flesh. 'This is horrible!' 'What have I ever done to deserve this torment?!' 'I'm trapped! I'm rotting! I'm hungry!'

So we've reached the end of Black Ops 2 Zombies Richtofen! This is where I think Richtofen's comedic elements and insanity reached its apex— time for the gradual come down.

Time Zombified/comics: So there was a miniseries of comics by Dark Horse Comics and published by Activision that followed Victis attempting to escape the end of the world caused by Maxis in Buried. In the comics, we see that the Victis crew is being pursued by an intelligent zombie that is uncannily dressed in a Nazi General's uniform. The zombie is, of course, Ultimis Richtofen, who turns out to be working with his Primis counterpart to acquire Victis and help Primis Richtofen attain the Kronorium.

Undead Richtofen retains his intelligence and ability to plan, as well as having a newfound ability to control the movements of other zombies in the nearby vicinity.

Sometime after the comics, Undead Richtofen teleports to Groom Lake, where the rest of Ultimis, who teleported from the Moon after the completion of the Moon Easter Egg, are captured and experimented on by the Americans. Undead Richtofen found his old body, comatose after the events of Buried, and transferred his soul into it. He was subsequently imprisoned with the rest of Ultimis and experimented on and had to be sedated multiple times due to how animated he was.

Honestly, I have no idea how Ultimis Richtofen wasn't straight up murdered by the rest of Ultimis given both his betrayal and the fact they now remember he performed unethical experiments on them back in Siberia. Instead, he's seen just uneasily chilling with them again. They had plenty of opportunites to do so as well, considering they were all held in the same cell and not restrained. Perhaps the attempted brainwashing/mind control Richtofen had previously done to the rest of Ultimis prevented them from outright killing him or maybe Ultimis Richtofen managed to persuade them that he'd be able to break them out. It's also possible that the rest of Ultimis was simply too depressed/traumatized to bother killing Richtofen.

According to a quote from Dempsey in Alpha Omega, Ultimis were captured, tortured and experimented on for a few months.

As shown in Classified's easter egg ending, a post-moon Nikolai, Takeo and Dempsey and a post-buried Richtofen now back in his own body are held captive in a cell in Hanger 4 by the Americans. It's implied that all 4 are suffering from overexposure to element 115 and are unethically experimented on. Abruptly, the Primis crew arrive and free Ultimis from their imprisonment, bringing them to Camp Edward.

Alpha Omega: Ah, Alpha Omega. This marks the last time Ultimis Richtofen, as well as the rest of Ultimis and Primis are playable and the only time both crews are playable on one map. There's plenty of dialogue and interactions in this map to get through, so let's get started.

Richtofen is happy to be reunited with his old team and urges them to 'forgive unt forget' when it comes to the small matter of him betraying and torturing them and dooming the planet. 'Anyway, Dempsey, I think we've got off on the wrong feet. I'm a changed man! I've got absolutely zero intentions of blowing anything... up.' 'Hooray! The gangs all here again! Isn't it so nice to be reunited! Especially after all that nasty business on the moon.'

He's absolutely ecstatic to be back to slaughtering zombies. 'BLEED FOR ME, I LOVE IT!' 'More blood! I can NEVER HAVE ENOUGH!' 'I'm so happy I cry!'

Edward seems to no longer hear the voices/the apothicons and may be slightly saner because of it. He doesn't mention them in Alpha Omega or Tag der Toten.

Once again, Richtofen fails to contain his horniness. 'I swear, I'll put anything down my throat...' 'Mmm, just like gargling ball sweat - oops! I meant boar sweat.' 'You're very precise, Takeo! Almost anally so...'

He did not like the experiments the Americans ran on him while imprisoned in Groom Lake. 'I do so love experiments, especially devious ones... BUT ONLY WHEN I AM THE DOCTOR!'

Richtofen acts more antagonistic towards both Ultimis and Primis Nikolai on this map, probably because Primis Nikolai is leading both groups and both Richtofens are put out by that fact. Despite still claiming to hate Dempsey, he acts slightly less antagonistic to both versions in Alpha Omega. 'I cannot believe I am taking orders from Nikolai Dummkopf Belinski!' 'You are too kind! Especially to Nikolai. He's an idiot.' 'I would applaud, Dempsey, but my handsss are kinda busy.' 'Dempsey, dear Dempsey, I am not quite as self-obsessed as you seem to think. Not everything is about me you know!'

Ultimis Richtofen apparently owns a summer cabin in Bulgaria, that has regular poison gas leaks.

He's aware that he's melodramatic. 'You're being very melodramatic, Takeo. And coming from me that's... that's really saying something.'

Ultimis Richtofen considers his Primis self better looking, but claims he has no sense of humour. He also claims his other self ultimately failed to achieve his goals and that he wets the bed. 'That other Richtofen may be younger unt better looking, but he has no sense of humour!' 'And how did my overly emotional doppelganger do? He failed. He messed everything up. Just like when he wet the bed.'

Edward wears contact lenses. 'Someone come help me find my contact lenses.. and maybe restart my heart.'

Like Ultimis Dempsey often does, Richtofen breaks the fourth wall a few times. 'Did you try shouting for your player friends?!' 'You answered the crawl of duty, wink wink, unt you paid the price!'

Ultimis Nikolai, Dempsey and Takeo along with the Primis crew actively despise Ultimis Richtofen for obvious reasons. 'Aw what happened Richtofen? Nuke go off?' 'Frankly, if he's still standing at the end of this, I'm gonna be pissed.' 'I know my other self can be rather... eccentric. Annoying, even. But we really are quite different!' 'I find that very hard to believe, Richtofen. You are all equally unlikeable and unreliable.' 'One fact remains undeniable: you are an evil that must be stopped.'

He's salty about the fact/somehow knows about that his Primis self shot a version of Ultimis Richtofen in the face, as seen in bo3's the giant opening. 'What did my other self ever do to you? Did he shoot you in the face??' 'Remember it? Of course, I don't remember it! When you're shot in the head, memory loss is one the most common side effects.'

Ultimis Richtofen's much more absent-minded in this map in particular and struggles with memory issues that seem to be getting worse. He has definitely cognitively declined since the days of Shi No Numa. 'this reminds me, I really do need to do laundry.' 'Hello, orb! My name's Edward and I fight the undead. What exactly do you do?' 'Finally! Now I can get back to pursuing my own interests! Hmm...' 'Okay Edward, don't forget you have this... this... what was I talking about?'

Despite his more happy-go-lucky attitude in this map, Richtofen has bouts of suicidal ideation. 'Sometimes I think death would have been a mercy...' 'I'm surprised you didn't just put me out my misery.'

Tag Der Toten: The sanest version of Ultimis Richtofen we see in any map. Takes place on October 13th 2025. This is the final appearance of Ultimis Richtofen and at the end, he's incredibly calm, almost melancholy. His voice is much deeper-pitched than usual, and he sounds almost like his Primis counterpart.

Interestingly enough, it seems to legitimately pain Richtofen to have to lie to and manipulate Stuhlinger again. He's much kinder to Samuel in this map than he was in bo2, and seems fond of him. 'Oh, I'm watching Sammy. Kudos on the headshot.' 'I know, Sammy. I found you mildly amusing too.' 'It's them or you, Sammy and who would I talk to if you were gone?' 'I'm proud of you, Sammy. You are a veritable killing machine today!'

We hear in the campfire quotes in Tag Der Toten, that Ultimis and Primis spent one last night together, sharing stories, drinking together and acting like friends. Around the campfire, Ultimis Richtofen stated honestly that 'he just wanted power, preferably absolute' and that he 'wasn't sorry for anything and had the time of his life'. He was also surprised by his Primis self admitting he once saw Maxis as a father figure and commented he only ever saw Maxis as a bitter rival. Ultimis Richtofen's hatred of Samantha has also seemed to lesson somewhat by Tag Der Toten.

Unbeknown to Ultimis and the rest of Primis, Primis Nikolai secretly poisoned their drinks, killing Ultimis Nikolai, Ultimis Takeo, Ultimis Dempsey, Primis Richtofen, Primis Dempsey and Primis Takeo. Instead of dying, Ultimis Richtofen reverts to his Zombified state and begins instructing Stuhlinger and by extension, the rest of Victis throughout their last journey to build the Agarthan Device.

At the end of the easter egg, Ultimis Richtofen apologises to Samuel just as he and the rest of Victis is banished into the dark aether. Richtofen is then shot in the head by Primis Nikolai, killing him instantly. Primis Nikolai then goes on end the multiverse in the hopes of creating a better timeline, free of corruption and his last act is to have Samantha shoot him.

As Samantha and Eddie, a child version of Richtofen, travel to the new world, we hear the final wishes of Ultimis and Primis. Ultimis Richtofen's final wish is to relax and perhaps open his own morgue.

Bonus Fun Facts/Stuff I Forgot To Mention!

Edward is somewhere in his late 50s to early 60s, by the time Ultimis arrives at Shi No Numa.

Richtofen first joined the Illuminati in 1925 and left the organisation in 1942. When he first joined the Illuminati, Edward would have likely been somewhere in his late 30's to early 40's.

He joined Group 935 in 1936, originally to leak intel back to the Illuminati. He would have likely been around his late 40's to early 50's when he started working with Group 935.

Edward went to boarding school, according to a quote on Alpha Omega.

He references Germany's financial collapse after WW1 in Ascension. 'The inflation is killing me.'

Ultimis Dempsey hates Richtofen, Ultimis Nikolai is neutral towards Richtofen until the latter's betrayal on Moon and Ultimis Takeo liked Richtofen until he started regaining his memories on Ascension. From then on, Takeo only pretends to be friendly towards Richtofen, while secretly scheming behind his back. The 'Takeo is the first to remember' sub-plot from bo1 never really goes anywhere, however, as Richtofen ultimately succeeds in taking over the MPD and betrays the rest of Ultimis anyway on Moon.

Richtofen liked/respected Dr. Groph and Dr. Schuster and acted favourably towards them even after he lost his mind. 'Excellent, Dr. Schuster. Commence test number 151.' 'And you, Dr. Groph, are now the lead scientist here at Griffin Station.' 'Don't worry Dr. Schuster. I had you go with the Americans. It'd be good for your softer side.' However, as he grew more paranoid and his madness took root, it's clear he distanced himself from them, treating them more like pawns and with less respect. 'I'm more than alive, Mr. Schuster. Is the device still intact?' 'Yes, I will dispose of Dr. Maxis and that little brat personally. Do not. Touch. Anything.'

While Richtofen hates Dempsey and looks down on him/enjoys mocking him for his simple nature and lack of intelligence, he may be begrudgingly attracted to the marine, depending on the map/Richtofen's depiction. He has made flirtatious remarks and even grabbed his...yeah, in Call of the Dead. 'Hello Dempsey! Aren't you a sight for my sore eyes.' 'I hate you, Dempsey. I even hate your eyes.' 'Big Dempsey... you're so BIG!' Conversely: 'Oh Dempsey, have you always been this ugly?' 'I hate you, Dempsey. I hate your ugly voice.' 'Dempsey, you annoy me. And you're disgusting. AND I HATE YOUR FACE AND YOUR NECK!'

Richtofen is amused by and has a crush on Nikolai, which seems to fade by the time Alpha Omega takes place. 'Look Nikolai! How romantic!' 'Come on my big strong Russian bear! Arrr!' 'It's so slippery unt wet unt joyful! Just like you, Nikolai!' 'Maybe we should strap explosives to Nikolai's back!' 'I know it must be hard, having your smart, handsome, sober brother showing up... waving his big, fat soul in your face.' 'I wish my Nikolai knew how to shoot straight - or in fact do anything of use.'

Richtofen is either indifferent to or mildly dislikes Takeo. 'Oh, it's a picture of the monkey bomb.' 'Takeo has always been so quiet. For some reason, no matter the pain, he was always so respectful. I hate that.' 'I always liked you, Takeo! Even when I didn't.'

The entire Primis crew hates Ultimis Richtofen, especially his Primis self for obvious reasons.

The Shadowman thinks favourably of Ultimis Richtofen, according to his dialogue in Revelations. 'You do know that Richtofen is a friend of mine? I say friend, but really he's so much more than that. At one point, I almost considered him my apprentice.' 'At one point he did everything I told him to. I keep hoping he'll remember the promise he made to me, so long ago.'

Dr. Monty thinks of Ultimis Richtofen as evil, childish and an idiot. 'Richtofen, crazy Richtofen, evil Richtofen, remember him? Fucking idiot blew up the Earth! It didn't really all go to plan though, did it? He never even had a plan. He ended up trying to enlist the help of some other idiots left in the apocalyptic wasteland.'

Russman, Misty and Marlton dislike/distrust all versions of Richtofen. Stuhlinger likes/looks up to Ultimis Richtofen despite his axe-crazy personality and called him 'the sweetest guy in the whole universe' in Tag Der Toten. Likewise, I believe Richtofen did develop a soft spot for Samuel over time as he's the only person Ultimis Richtofen has ever expressed genuine remorse for. At the end of Tag Der Toten's Easter Egg: 'I know. And I'm so sorry.'

While the voices Richtofen heard after touching the MPD on the moon were never an auditory hallucination brought on by Schizophrenia, they were real entities that we later find out were the Apothicons/Shadowman, he may have also developed schizophrenia later on anyway due to the effects the voices had on his mental state. Some of Richtofen's in-game quotes hint at him hearing and seeing things that clearly aren't there. When interacting with Nikolai's portrait in Kino: 'His eyes are following me...' When getting the monkey bomb: 'Do you hear him talking to you, Nikolai?' When getting the Wunderwaffe DG2: Do you hear it talking to me?' Furthermore, Edward is also aware of the fact he's mentally ill: 'Carefully balanced... much like my mental state!' 'It's not always fun being like this...'

Richtofen's favourite food is potato salad. His favourite drink may be root beer.

Edward may have arthritis, according to a quote in der riese.

Despite claiming to hate monkeys, Richtofen apparently considered adopting one and enjoys spanking them according to a sus quote on Alpha Omega. 'I find monkeys annoying. I spank them every chance I get...' Furthermore, Dempsey implies Richtofen may have done obscene things with the monkey bombs. 'Richtofen, stop trying to hump the stuffed monkey, man! It's creeping me out.' 'If anyone's done anything... borderline with that monkey, it's Richtofen, man.' 'Richtofen, don't get any ideas. I don't think it's legal!'

For some reason, Richtofen owns an MP3 player. Where he got it is never elaborated on. He also somehow might have watched Back To The Future at some point, as he makes a reference to the film in Ascension. '1.21 Gigawatts! Now where have I heard that before?'

Why Richtofen wears a WW2 Nazi General's uniform is never explained in any of the games. It's especially confusing as in the lore, it's clear that Richtofen disliked the Nazi party and especially Group 935's secret affiliation with them, courtesy of Maxis. Out of Universe, Richtofen's model was taken from the WAW campaign; he shares the same model as Amsel. World at War Richtofen was originally meant to be a Nazi Officer/interrogator, which is shown in Richtofen's WAW bio: '"Beware The Doc". A message that was scrawled across walls of every town under Axis control. Starvation may cripple you, dysentery may wreck you, and gunfire may rip the flesh from your bones, but "Beware the Doctor". This is Dr. Richtofen, known affectionately as "The Butcher" to his victims as they scream in agony moments before he snuffs out their light. All through his career, Richtofen has been at the forefront of torture and information extraction research. Richtofen is an incurable sociopath and sees no moral distinction between natural death and murder; the victim is the victim, regardless of how their demise manifests itself.'

However, this was later softly retconned; Richtofen became a scientist of Group 935 only affiliated with the Nazi party through a deal Maxis secretly made, though he was previously a member of the Illuminati of his own volition. Personally, I think Ultimis Richtofen wears the uniform just because he thinks it looks good and gives off an air of authority. It also probably helped him blend in with the other members of Ultimis, as they were all military figures. However, this is all mostly speculation.

Richtofen has shown sexual attraction to both men and, rarely, women - he's most likely Bi or Pansexual with a preference for men. 'Oh, she sounds like a sweet little specimen!' 'Hm, I hope this drink doesn't affect my fertility... oh the thought of little Doctors!'

Richtofen is a serial molester who belongs on the sex offender registry, according to the Call of the Dead Easter Egg and numerous other quotes. 'Ow! Let go! That's not a LEVER. RICHTOFEN!!' 'Just because the lights aren't on doesn't mean I can't kick your ass, Richtofen. *Dempsey slaps Richtofen hard enough for the German to fall over* Now get your finger out of mine!' 'You remind me of a patient, except you make less noise when I stick things in you...' 'that's... that's still not a lever, Richtofen.'

Speaking of Call of the Dead, Edward is also likely to be physically weaker and less durable than his super soldier test subjects. A single slap from Dempsey in cotd was enough to floor him.

Richtofen has cannibalistic tendencies. 'First I will cook them, then I will eat them!' 'I will help you, Dempsey, but only because I want to be the one to eat your heart!'

Richtofen may have necrophilic tendencies. 'Their screams are so... erotic, ja...' 'Oh, could you FEEL it going in?' 'Oh, how I love the sexy undead!' 'Shame, Takeo. His head was his only redeeming feature. Such a pretty mouth...'

Edward is a narcissist and has a god complex. 'I am all powerful!' 'I AM A GOD!' 'You know, I used to be in your shoes... then I became an all powerful, omnipotent being haha!'

Along with being a sadist, Edward is a hardcore masochist, to the point he enjoys having spikes rammed up his backside. 'Oh! Oh, that's... that's good, that's okay, buy me dinner next time.' 'Oh, you have spikes in you now! You like that? The spikes? I do...' 'I would hurt so good if I put my hand in there...'

Richtofen may have also prostituted himself at some point, according to more sussy quotes from shangri-la. 'Ah, t-that's usually an extra fifty!' 'Hey Richtofen, how 'bout some knee time? What, you like that anyway!' 'Ten points a pull, bet Rectalfun would do it for free.'

According to Ultimis Dempsey, Richtofen's got small dick energy. 'This portrait's bigger than everyone else's. Must be tryna compensate for something.' '.5 millimetres of love, just like Richtofen!'

Richtofen takes pride in his appearance and is fashion-conscious. 'Not the prettiest thing I've ever worn but it will do.' 'Ugh, these stains will never come out of my uniform!' 'The steel is so clean I can almost see my reflection - Oh you handsome devil...' 'Oh, I may need this but I do hate to mess up my hair.'

Richtofen has an unhealthy obsession with spleens, a trait he shares with Samantha. Perhaps due to Apothicon influence? Maybe Samantha and Richtofen inherited their love for spleens after getting corrupted.

Speaking of Samantha, Richtofen enjoyed being in her body, and called his child self a 'little girl' on Moon. Make of that as you will.

Given that 10 years passed from the events of Moon to Tranzit and then presumably a few months to a year from Tranzit to the end of the Call of duty zombies' comics, at a rough estimate, Ultimis Richtofen would have been in his late 60's to early 70's at the time of his death in Tag Der Toten.

As a last note, I want to highlight the absolute mental decline and personality change that Ultimis Richtofen went through, from all the way back in 1939 before he was corrupted by the apothicons/shadowman to the end of Buried where we see him at his absolute most insane. He went from acting and sounding like this: https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/callofduty/images/2/2c/Moon_Audio_Log_1_BO.ogg/revision/latest?cb=20130811020209

To this: https://youtu.be/2UxWGDwIpg4

The difference is just staggering. And yet the evolution of his character doesn't end there. On Alpha Omega, Richtofen is more mentally stable than when he was in bo2, serving as the demonic announcer, thanks in part to apparently no longer hearing the voices and having time to reflect on everything that has happened to him during his imprisonment at Groom Lake.

By Tag Der Toten, Ultimis Richtofen is sounding nearly as calm as his Primis self: https://youtu.be/JudP0Eo634E Not to say he fully regains his sanity, but he does become more sound of mind before his death.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this in-depth analysis of Ultimis Richtofen and his transformation throughout the games! This was fun to write, but goddamn took me a long time. I hope it's an informative and interesting read. Feel free to add anything I've missed or got wrong in replies/tags :)

[ceobootycall]

Random modern Earthbound/Mother headcanons that I've been thinking about for a while.

- Picky is an ipad kid and loves skibidi toilet. He's even shown it to Tracy on multiple occasions until she banned him from talking about it

- Lucas' entire family plays Pjsk. (Lucas likes Leo/need, Claus likes Vivid Bad Squad, and Flint likes More More Jump.)

- Ness, Paula, and Jeff play Genshin Impact together. (Ness mains Kokomi, Paula mains Barbara, and Jeff mains Neuvillette)

- Ninten used to be a dsmp fan but now when anyone brings it up he gets incredibly embarrassed.

- Ness and Porky used to watch South Park together.

- Fuel unironically uses brainrot humor.

- Ness has a secret blog where he posts poetry he's written.

- Ana comments bible verses on random posts and comments "God loves you ❤" on every post she sees. (THIS ONES A JOKE BUT ITS FUNNY TO THINK ABOUT)

- Claus believes everything he sees online and Lucas constantly has to tell him things like "No Claus, the power lines are not there to transfer energy to a secret underground base full of lizard people."

- Adding on to the last one, Claus will pay obviously scammy 'psychics' to tell him his future.

- Lloyd likes making visual novel games and will have Ana and Ninten draw sprites for them.

- Porky is in robotics club.

- Jeff is into stock trading and gets a notification every 30 minutes about how the stock market is going.

- Duster watches hopecore videos and cries.

- Kumatora has a TikTok account where she explores abandoned buildings and its actually super popular.

- The only thing Lucas posts on any of his social media is pictures of Boney or any other animal he comes across.

- Ninten never actually does his work in class (he plays nitrotype) yet he has straight B's.

- Ness has CRAAAAZZYYY beef with his gym teacher.

- Jeff and Ness are HUGE Pokemon fans and have played almost every game together.

- Kumatora is a crazy internet sleuth, if they have an online presence then she knows who they are.

- Flint lost his driver's licence and has been too lazy to retake the test to get it re-instated (he just walks everywhere, and Lucas and Claus take the bus to school anyway)

- Poo is a huge fan of musicals and has made Ness, Paula, and Jeff watch Hamilton at least three times

- Paula is super into old convention culture (things like yaoi paddles n shit). Shes a mini-internet historian.

- Ness will make some of his poetry into music (mostly dad-rock or emo music)

- Lloyd is CRAZY GOOD at rhythm games and likes to play fnf

- Ana is addicted to Gacha games, no matter the genre, if you can gamble to get some cute characters then shes there.

- Porky has his own webcomic series that's inspired by Homestuck.

- Jeff likes to make music in his free time from a long list of different styles, his favorite being vaporwave. He's also a huge Vocaloid fan and will make music using a variety of voicebanks (though his favorites are MEIKO and [V3] Flower)

PLEASE GIVE ME UR HEADCANONS.

[allthecanadianpolitics]

Hey could you please check out this campaign and the actions to take for it:

https://protecttheporkies.com

This post has more info about it:

https://www.tumblr.com/whozui/754039245485867008/protect-the-porcupine-mountains?source=share

This is in Michigan but it would effect Lake Superior which has a huge portion in Ontario.

Links:

[cloud-wizard]

*Siffrin on their 120th loop busting in the door to the King* YOU LISTEN HERE YOU FUCKING POSER DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES YOUR DUMB ASS PAULDRONS AND RUPENZEL ASS LOCKS HAS COME INTO MY FIELD VISION?? 112 TIMES. 112 TIMES. I MIGHT GET A FAST PASS JUST TO GET HERE SOON, I MIGHT GET A FUCKING LEASE ON THE LAST RESTING ROOM. AT THIS POINT FIGHTING YOU IS LIKE DOING MY LAUNDRY ITS A DAILY FUCKING RITUAL FIRST I WAKE UP BRUSH MY TEETH KICK YOUR FUCKING TEETH IN THEN WALK THE DOG. THATS HOW FUCKING LOW ON THE LIST OF PRIORITIES YOU ARE. IF I HAD TO RANK THE DIFFICULTY OF FIGHTING YOU AND WORKING THROUGH YOUR EMOTIONAL BULLSHIT OR FLOSSING MY MOLARS YOU'D BE A CLOSE SECOND. EVERY FUCKING DAY ITS LIKE AN NPR PODCAST HOSTED BY JOE ROGAN AND A GODAMN SEA CUCUMBER FROM A LLOREAL PARIS COMMERCIAL YOU STUTTER MORE THAN PORKIE PIG ON A PIPE ORGAN . FUCK. YEAH YOU FORGOT OUR COUNTRY AND LAUNGAGE AND YOUR FAMILY BUT YOU TOOK THAT AND WENT "THE ONLY REASONABLE ACTION IS TO ICE 9 THE COUNTRYSIDE" HOW FUCKING BATSHIT CAN YOU BE IS THERE NOT ENOUGH BLOOD FLOWING INTO THAT FUCKING EASTER ISLAND HEAD ASS OF YOURS??? YOU ARENT EVEN A KING YOU PICKED THAT BATMAN ASS ALIAS JUST TO PISS EVERYONE OFF. "I NEED TO DO THIS NOBODY UNRERSTANDS ME" BRO I FUCKING WISH I DIDNT UNDERSTAND YOU THEN MAYBE YOU WOULD BE ACTUALLY MYSTERIOUS BUT NOOO I UNDERSTAND YOUR EVERY THOUGHT AND DESIRE IM IN YOUR HEAD MORE THAN IM IN ISABEAUS AND THANK THE STARS HES NOT A LITTLE BITCH ABOUT IT. EVERY LOOP I GET THIS MUCH CLOSER TO JUST LIGHTING THE BUILDING ON FIRE AND LETTING YOU GO FULL MIDSOMMER BUT I DONT DO THAT, BECAUSE DENTING THAT FUCKING CROWN IS THE ONLY REAL JOY I HAVE LEFT ITS LIKE CRACK TO ME NOW, MALAGNA FRITTERS TURN TO ASH IN MY MOUTH AND THIS BEAUTIFUL HIMBO OVER HERE IS SCARED TO TOUCH ME (OH FUCKING CHRIST I NEED A A BEAR HUG SO TIGHT I START OVER AGAIN I SWEAR IT WOULD FIX ME) SO THE ONLY THING I GET UP IN THE MORNING TO DO IS PRAY THAT THE ONLY REASON IM IN THIS TIME LOOP IS TOO SEE HOW MANY VERTEBRE I CAN DISSECT FROM YOU IN 3 ROUNDS. OH AND IF YOU EVEN FUCKING LOOK AT BONNIE I WILL CUT YOU ASS TO MOUTH AND WEAR YOU LIKE A JACKET. LIKE. A. JACKET.

". . ."

*ding!*

Siffrin Time!

[eegasleega-will-change-this-l8r]

Fun little subtle detail I never noticed before!

So, MOTHER 3 actually has a couple different voice blips for dialogue. There's 5 in total, and the thing I'm looking at distinguishes them as Young Boy, Young Girl, Man, Woman, and Non-human. Idk if those are what they're referred to internally, but presumably that's how they're more-or-less distributed throughout the game (I wouldn't read into the names too much, the Magi apparently use the Man blip for example, so they're not objective in any case).

Anyway, what's fun is how they use these with Porky!

So, for most of his dialogue, Porky uses the "Boy" blip. He uses this whenever he taunts you over the intercom in the Empire Porky Building, the fake Porky you meet before fighting all the Mecha-Porkies uses it, all the way up to "I'm the most clever, most charming, and most trouble-making boy ever..."

But in his next lines after the shot pans up to the mass of machinery in the roof ("I welcome you once again"), his dialogue suddenly shifts into the "Man" blip.

And finally, once he's fully revealed, the rest of his monologue is accompanied by the "Non-human" voice blip.

It's pretty easy to catch if you're looking out for it (especially when he starts speaking with the Non-human blip, that one's really distinctive), and I think it's a really neat detail!

(Oddly enough, he actually switches back to the Man blip after this, during his battle and the cutscene leading up to it.)

So yeah, that's a pretty cool way to build up to the big twist with him, I think it's really clever ^^

[hellsite-yano]

Porky, I wanna know how you keep your head up high. I don't wanna share my sob story and general negativity, but it seems that I can get into really depressing spirals sometimes and then when I bring up concerns I have I get called a doomer. Aside from just not caring, how do you remain positive?

I've been stewing on this message for about a month cause I received it at a particularly low point. I know you said you don't wanna share your sob story so I hope you don't mind if I share a bit of mine.

Basically the landlord decided to sell the place I've been living in with my fiance for about 7 years. This was obviously devastating, especially for my fiancee who had to put 70% of her things into storage. After some initial friction between me and my family who were happy to have me back except my kinda neurotic brother, we're staying in their (very small) spare room.

The other issue is that my mum's bed-bound, which is fine, but she needs constant care so the flat is basically a revolving door of carers and district nurses and constantly seeing (and having to constantly let in) strangers is pretty awkward and tiring. I understand this is nobody's fault though, it's just a huge difference to the quiet home life I'm used to. Doesn't help that the building's next to a main road as well.

My auntie also pops in from time to time and while I'm grateful for everything she's done for my mum (basically uplifting her whole life for the past 5 years to constantly make trips to her) and me (buying us furniture and such when we were moving in), she very clearly has undiagnosed ADHD/OCD which, I gotta be real, makes her extremely difficult to be around. It's just one of those families where every little thing has to be a massive drama and it's tiring. The mum and auntie are also jehovah's witnesses but this comes up less often than you'd think, though it's still a point of contention sometimes.

As for how I remain positive, I've been thinking about this question a lot recently. I suppose I try to count the remaining positives. I'm not homeless, I'm still with my fiancee and cat, and I've finally got a decent full time job with a lot of good perks. I'll also be saving a ton of money because I'm paying a fraction of my previous rent (ideally I'd like to save for a deposit).

Another thing that helps is just setting attainable goals. Right now for me it's to hold down this job and endure the housing situation for the time being. I've got a pretty big tax bill coming up in the new year (long story) that I need to save for which is why I opted for my family instead of just renting again. That and renting prices are fucking atrocious right now and you could lose it at any time.

Anyway, that's the situation as it stands. I'm still in the middle of unpacking what little we could bring and the move was particularly stressful, which is why I haven't posted much over the last few days. Times are bad and I've cried a lot but I believe things will get better because I'm working towards it.

[twothpaste]

m3 post-canon worldbuilding thoughts

🌏🐉🌞👷👇

🐲 the dark dragon is a real flesh and blood island-sized beast, but also a symbolic embodiment of the earth's love. she cherishes all living things, including humanity. she wept in her sleep when humans destroyed the world. once awakened, she circles the globe, slowly bleeding love and life and magic back into the soil.

🌱 the dark dragon's powers were overstated. though the message of sheer hope saving the earth works beautifully in the context of a video game ending - if we're breakin into post-canon fanworks, "magic will instantly solve the climate crisis & systemic political rot & grant us a clean slate" doesn't cut it for me. though the dragon grants them a second chance, humanity's still gotta spend the next several generations helping her restore the world. planting seeds, rebuilding from the wreckage of old cities, inventing sustainable tech and systems of self-governance, the whole nine yards.

🌊 when she came outta the ground, the dragon broke nowhere into pieces. it's now a sprawling archipelago of at least 100 islands. a lot of familiar locations remain mostly intact, but some places close to the needles (like osohe castle and the chimera lab) have been submerged and destroyed. much of the first few years postgame are spent mapping out the new landscape, and discovering new ways to navigate it. (kinda like how coming out of a traumatic living situation & grappling with ptsd involves re-contextualizing old memories & spaces, learning to navigate the world all over again, etc 🥲)

🏠 tazmily's got a big cliffside carved down the middle of town square, and a few broken chunks severed off, with steep ocean drops between 'em. the community comes together to restore their town with a web of stairways and bridges. though it looks like a shabby disaster zone at first, it takes on a charming and well-loved vibe over the years. maybe one day i'll find the time to sketch some scenes.

🚣‍♀️ the best way to get around the new nowhere is by boat. kayaks, canoes, and sailboats become quite popular. incidentally, most tazmilians had experience with ship-building & seafaring (that's naturally how they made it to nowhere on a big white ship). they'd locked this knowledge away with their memories, fearing what'd happen if they took to the sea again and discovered their dark history. as they gradually regain their traumatic memories, they also regain their capacity to engage with the present world.

🫠 without porky's influence, the folks he brought to nowhere are also slowly regaining memories & coming to their senses. these people find themselves stranded in a distant future, utterly misled, with no hope of returning home. most of 'em settle initially into tazmily, helping the villagers rebuild the only settlement left on planet fucking earth, whether out of the goodness of their hearts or sheer need to survive. it's an awkward adjustment. most everyone understands the state of mutual dependence they're all stuck in, and some folks (perhaps inspired by lucas) offer tremendous kindness to strangers. but others are reluctant to trust ex-pigmasks, and vice versa. others still lash out or self-isolate in vain frustration at the hopelessness of their situation, separated irrevocably from their homes and families. it takes several years for the last humans alive to really come to terms, and truly come together.

🐽 there's a splinter branch of ex-pigmasks who fuck off to the ruined highway islets where thunder tower used to be, declaring their ongoing loyalty to porky. they build a new settlement called "the pigpen." their poorly-organized isolationist stint lasts less than a decade, caving to a lack of supplies & the utmost generosity from tazmilians offering aid. the pigpen ultimately becomes a wholly benign settlement. some folks even move there for a change of pace. the vibe of the place starts leanin' toward punk culture, with post-apocalyptic garage rock bands and outcasts helpin' each other get by. (i think kuma & her wife live here. it's probably dcmc's home base too.)

🌫️ porky himself resides in the crumbled wreckage of new pork city, slowly sinking into the ocean over the course of 20 years. sometimes tazmilians come to salvage technology & supplies, but they learn to steer clear of the king's capsule. he's got nothing worthwhile left to offer humanity, and vice versa… (i've written 2 fics set here. i'm very normal and not at all sick in the head about the symbolic weight of this concept.)

🌲 lucas & isaac start a "ranger service" organization that preserves natural wildlife and manages chimeras. much of their work involves relocating troublesome chimeras to more suitable environments, dismantling their excessive weaponry, providing veterinary care & mechanical repairs. after some initial debate, it's accepted as a law of the land that all things have a right to live - even the most inconvenient of porky's lab experiments.

☀️ dr andonuts leads the charge in developing new sustainable technology, starting with a foundation of green energy tech that exists today. tazmily's powered by wind & solar farms (built mostly by ex-pigmasks, as an earnest show of repentance and solidarity). i think there's some carbon capture tech going on, tryin to reverse the lingering effects of climate change. i have a crystal clear image in my head of these funny clunky solar powered trucks they use for moving equipment, and i swear one of these days i'm gonna draw claus with one, trucker hat n' all, lookin' peak redneck in the driver's seat.

🚢 a few years postgame, a "world ship" is constructed - a vessel that can carry brave travelers to the old world's abandoned continents. they find no survivors out there. just lifeless ruins, and swaths of parched wilderness. lucas & pals take annual trips to salvage for precious scraps of history, survey the state of natural environemnts across the world, and help restore said environments through ecological work. i've written little snippets of this in a few fics… would love to write somethin wholly set within one of these expeditions one day, if i can come up with a solid story premise.

🏝️ another settlement crops up on the japanese island of kyushu (the nearest major landmass to nowhere). it's plainly dubbed "kyushu-two." much of the island's been submerged due to rising sea levels, but nowhere-folk are by this point used to a waterlogged seafaring lifestyle. a lotta non-tazmilians eagerly move here, itching to be "anywhere but nowhere." it develops a laidback and kinda artsy culture.

🤝 with only a few hundred people left on earth, a necessity to share resources, and a damning lesson learned from traditional systems of government, tazmily & other settlements become more or less anarcho-communist. though there are leadership roles, no one person is in charge of anything, and major decisions are made collectively by community members. i don't think they keep using currency, at least not for long. unlearning systems of hierarchy & authority is a challenge for many - even including some tazmilians, once they've regained their memories. call it a utopian fantasy, but they make the effort willingly, humbled by all that's transpired.

✨ new psychics are born at a higher rate than usual on postgame nowhere. (whatever "usual" is. i assume it's always been pretty exceptionally rare.) kumatora takes up the mantle of teachin' 'em how to use their powers, and passing down history the magifolk taught her. her worldly expeditions often involve seeking evidence of PSI in ancient societies - she's bringin' back stuff like PSI teleport and lore from dalaam & scaraba. she sees it as her duty to keep this knowledge alive, cuz she's the only one who can. (and to ensure future psychics don't have to feel lost & alone like lucas did, or like she did when her family disappeared 🥲)

🥼 claus has their eco-lab in the mothafuckin' arizona desert wasteland, developing new chimeras to repair ecosystems, y'all know the deal. it's kinda sad to think they probably won't live to see the full impact of their efforts - but then again, no one else will in this world, it's all a multi-generational effort. sweet to imagine in the long run there'll be lotsa silly & wonderful new organisms out there making the earth a greener, livelier place. i think they might even do some projects to revive species that went extinct when the world was destroyed. or at least, creating chimeras that can fulfill their likenesses and ecological niches.

🏃 a bunch of the characters travel around constantly i think. like lucas' home is tazmily, but he probably spends like 75% of his time elsewhere - expeditions, visiting loved ones, ranger work & odd jobs, etc. likewise for claus, kuma, duster, nana probably. dcmc tours on a big sailboat. flint might be one of the only major characters who mostly stays put. he gets sad if he leaves hinawa by her lonesome for too long.....

[incorrectlooneytunesquotes]

Porky: S-s-s-s-s-s-spoiler alert! Peta Pig: No, not the correct usage of that whatsoever. Porky: P-p-p-p-plot twist? Peta: Still not.

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

ive been watching a lot of Pitch Meetings and playing a lot of Earthbound so um

---

SCREENWRITER GUY: So all the kids are gonna fight with silly weapons instead of normal RPG stuff, like Ness is gonna use a baseball bat and Paula is gonna use a frying pan- PRODUCER GUY: Oh, cute. SG: And Jeff has a gun- PG: Sorry, did you say a gun? SG: A gun, yeah, he has like a little toy air gun. PG: Oh, okay, it's a toy- SG: For a little bit, and then he gets a death ray and a bazooka. PG: The thirteen year old boy gets a bazooka? SG: Yeah, plus Poo has a sword. PG: Okay so like, we're supposed to release this game in America too my guy, we're not gonna be able to have kids wielding guns and swords, you know what America is like about that stuff. SG: I figure we just shove a bunch of other stuff in there for NoA to worry about, so they'll get distracted censoring the rest of the game and let the kids with lethal weapons through. PG: Oh, like what kind of stuff? SG: Drugs! PG: Oh my god. SG: Yeah, just a whole bunch of drug references, like there's a whole level that's a hallucinogenic dream sequence in the back room of a bar, and then another part where Ness eats a "magic tart" and gets a hallucination of a kingdom floating in some pink clouds, then there's two different points where he can have a cup of a nice hot beverage that's definitely spiked with something. PG: Is there any stuff that's not about drugs? SG: Oh yeah, at one point Porky's dad says he's gonna straight up beat his kids, so they're gonna cut that out, and they're gonna have to take the red cross off of all the hospitals- PG: Oh, well that all seems pretty reasonable. SG: Yeah plus they're gonna have to change the sprites to not reference the Klu Klux Klan. PG: Oh my god.

---

SG: So they're gonna have to visit all these different towns to find the spots, they're gonna go to Onett, Twoson, Threed, Fourside- PG: Ohh, I see what you're doing here- SG: Winters, Summers- PG: Oh, I mean it seemed like you were building up a naming convention there and then you just switched to a different one. SG: Tenda Village, Saturn Valley, Dalaam, Scaraba- PG: Ope, I think those last two might be racist. SG: Yeah but it's the 90s, so it doesn't matter if we're a little racist, I mean it's not like this game is still gonna be popular in thirty years when it's not acceptable to be casually racist anymore. PG: That's a good point. Plus you'd have to be a real killjoy to point out the flaws in a thirty-year-old nostalgia property.

---

SG: So then the zombies take them prisoner and keep them in a little room under the graveyard. PG: Wait the zombies take them prisoner? SG: That's right, sir. PG: Well why would zombies do that, why would they not just kill them? SG: Well do you want the game to end here? PG: Of course not, that'd be really unsatisfying. SG: Then I'm gonna need you to get aaaaaaaall the way off my back about the zombie logic, okay? PG: Oh, okay, lemme get off of that thing!

---

SG: So it turns out Ness is like this chosen one guy from a prophecy made by something called the Apple of Enlightenment. PG: Oh the Apple of Enlightment, huh, tell me more about that. SG: No. PG: Oh, dangit.

---

PG: Oh wow, well I imagine it's gonna be difficult for a bunch of thirteen year olds to destroy the ultimate evil power. SG: Actually, it's gonna be super easy. Barely an inconvenience. PG: Oh really? SG: Yeah they're all going to discover the power of prayer. PG: Of prayer? SG: Yeah, Paula loses all hope so she starts praying, she gets down on her knees and starts to pray, because she really just needs faith right now. PG: What is going on? Is she Christian? SG: Maybe! And then because she's psychic, her prayer reaches a bunch of people from earlier in the game, and they all start to pray for the kids to succeed. PG: Oh well that's sweet, hey wait aren't they a bunch of years in the past right now? SG: Well I guess her psychic powers reach through time, sir. PG: Oh, okay. SG: Yeah so everybody's families start to pray for them, Ness's mom hears the prayers and Paula's dad and all the other kids from Jeff's boarding school- PG: Ohh, what about Dr. Andonuts? Does he hear the prayer and start to pray for Jeff? SG: No sir he doesn't, remember he's literally the worst dad. PG: Oh right, somehow I forgot. SG: Yeah so they get everybody's families, they get the Runaway Five, they get that random knife-wielding gang leader that Ness met back in Onett. PG: Aw, what a nice moment. Hey what was that last one?