#pop culture infection

[ninjamonkeystudios]

IN A VAN

No, I'm not the only one to make this joke. This is created to (hopefully) appease the earworm. I can't NOT hear Farley every time that melody plays and while it tickled me at first, now I can't shake it.

I hope this cleanses-- even if it's by infecting others with the notion.

[robinsnest2111]

bunny party 💖

[catsvrsdogscatswin]

I started reading Discworld earlier this year –because I figured it's a cultural treasure and I may as well get around to it by now– and like, I knew something about Terry's ability to sneak underhanded puns into the texts –I've seen the posts. I'd also read Good Omens, even if at that point I couldn't disentangle who was writing what.

So I entered the books fully like the Stay back, slut meme, except regarding wordplay. I was reading with a fine-toothed comb. I was squinting at every name and testing every phoneme. Not necessarily because I don't like puns or didn't enjoy the idea of getting caught by surprise, mind you, just that I'd heard very good things about Terry Prachett's humor and I didn't want to miss any of his jokes and with wordplay stuff if you don't catch it, you'll never know it existed.

I caught a lot of stuff, and even when I didn't get some of the references (the series stretches across a lot of decades I wasn't born in) I could still at least tell when he was making them. I made it out of my grand read with a pat on the back and a certain pleasure in the knowledge that I had enough pop-culture and etymological awareness to not let Terry pull a fast one on me.

In classic Pratchett fashion, turns out I was dead wrong.

I was rereading Soul Music, because even if I'm late to the party I still enjoyed the Discworld books immensely, and I got to the scene where a bunch of schmucks with no music knowledge (or talent) are infected by the spirit of rock n' roll and descend in a horde upon a guitar shop. The owner starts off trying to sell them decent instruments, but, soon realizing his new flow of customers couldn't play a triangle and are more interested in the look of the thing anyways, he promptly starts pulling out his scrappiest, crappiest pseudo-instruments (Ankh-Morpok, amiright) and sticking a bunch of paint, glitter, and ankh-stones on them for the look of things before selling them at marked-up prices.

Ankh-stones were first mentioned in Sourcery, I think, and were used in the creation of the fake Archchancellor's hat. They get mentioned in other books on and off as a source of bedazzlement that's pretty clearly meant to be a riff on rhinestones. First time I read about them, I went "oh what a nice little bit of worldbuilding, of course some gems would get named after local stuff" and thought no more on it. But like…

Ankh-stones.

Rhinestones. Rhine-stones.

The infamously nasty River Ankh that flows(?) through Ankh-Morpok, and the River Rhine, a real river that exists.

I just about swore and hit the table when I clocked that one, because I went into the series ready for it, I was looking for it, and Terry still fuckin' got me good.

[crisisreading]

Something very unique about the Last of Us is the way it handles character death and extreme tragedy in a remarkably respectful way.

Pop culture in this current moment is all about who can explore the darkest topics and depict violence in the most provocative way. (I am specifically looking at you, Game of Thrones and Euphoria!)

Even though the Last of Us is an HBO show, the people behind the series grant their characters a level of respect that most don’t.

Bill and Frank avoid the all-too-common “Bury Your Gays” trope and live sixteen beautiful years together. When the time is right, they go out on their own terms and the camera grants them dignity in death by not panning to their dead bodies at the end of episode 3.

We also never see Sam after he is shot by his own brother; we only need the blood splatter to let us know what happened. And instead of portraying a gratuitous suicide scene, we instead focus on Ellie and Joel’s reactions when Henry takes his own life.

The best example is probably the ultimate fate of Riley being kept offscreen in the latest episode. The last time we see Riley and Ellie together, they believe they are both going to die and pledge to do it together, on their own terms. Of course, the viewer knows Ellie is immune and had to defend herself from an infected Riley SOMEHOW, but guess what? We don’t have to know. Did they ever get another kiss? What were their last words to each other? We don’t know. The girls get to have privacy in their final moments together, and it’s perfect.

In summary, I really love that the camera respects the characters of this show and allows us to linger on their best moments instead.

[daisywords]

some misc worldbuilding questions to get your gears turning:

Do they have germ theory or some equivalent? How do they conceptualize the spread of disease and infection?

Is the everyday economy based more on trade/barter or currency? Is the currency valuable in its own right, or is it just something agreed upon to have value (eg. salt or gold vs. paper money)

What is their main method of lighting? What resources does this use?

Primary mode of transportation? How much does this vary based on things like purpose of travel, social class, etc.?

How much of a knowledge/education gap is there between social classes? Is there a baseline of education that everyone gets/is expected to have?

What are the most popular modes of storytelling? Is everyone telling campfire stories? Are they going to plays? puppet shows? are they going to the cinema? are they reading novels or epic poetry? Are there any folk characters or pop culture things that most people are familiar with?

Where does most people's moral framework primarily come from? Religion? Philosophy? Are there different schools of thought? How much do they vary?

Is there anything considered scandalous/improper/taboo that's normal in your own culture? and vice versa

Do most people live and die where they are born, or is it common to relocate and travel widely? how much does this vary by class/profession/region?

What do they do with criminals? Do they have an extensive prison system? If so, who funds/runs it? If not, how is crime discouraged/managed? Are there specific punishments for specific crimes?

How rigid are their class boundaries? How possible/common is it for someone to change social classes?

Is there anything that people get dangerously addicted to in your world? How accessible is it?

How easy is it for someone to do research/look up information they don't know? What is the primary method of doing this?

What holidays do they have? Any weird traditions? Fun traditions? Are they universally celebrated, or only by specific groups of people?

How do they dispose of their dead? How do they honor their dead?

How much exchange is there between cultures? Do people of different groups intermingle, or do they mostly stick with their own people?

How common is it to speak more than one language, and who is most likely to be multilingual?

How much do regional dialects/accents vary within the same language? Are there any dialects/accents that are stigmatized? Do different accents have different associated stereotypes?

This isn't meant to be taken as a checklist that you have to completely fill out btw. Just things that might help add flavor to your world and characters. (Also mostly things I end up thinking about logistically anyway as they become relevant to the plot or a character's frame of reference.) Enjoy!

[ohifonlyx33]

what if you're the friend who hates a really iconic character? you just absolutely loath her since you heard of hear as a teenager. And to your friends she's just a part of pop culture and how can you sound normal while explaining why you change lyrics in a few songs and why you won't watch movies or series that heavily feature this character.

Having friends who love the same character as you is so so so important, you know what else is underrated though? having a friend who absolutely HATES a character you have NEVER heard of. Beef with a man who is truly just some guy to you

[19burstraat]

unbelievably specific modern things the crows would love. too bad they live in a late-1800s fantasy world

Kaz: screenshotting nfts, those web weaving posts about dog metaphors, leaving people on read, stealing from the self checkout in supermarkets, emo phases, wearing headphones but not actually listening to anything so they're just there just as a conversation deterrent, winding up scam callers, escape rooms, pretending to know nothing about pop culture in order to annoy people, playing solitaire online, Knowing A Guy for everything

Inej: social media sleuthing, posting goodreads quotes, strictly come dancing, snoopy, easily accessible climbing shoes, mr darcy, shouting at the screen when someone's judged incorrectly on a competition show, getting unbelievably competitive about wii sports/duolingo scoreboards/goodreads goals/animal crossing islands/air hockey, texting..... With loads of elipses... Like your parents.... and dropping unprompted wisdom in them.....

Jesper: neon clothes, the 💯 emoji, making everyone as miis on tomodachi life but being so bad at it that kaz and nina's miis end up getting married, lisa frank art, scamming people on depop, cheap jewellery that makes you go green, complaining about how cottagecore videos don't correctly represent the Rural Farm Life, shitty 2000s club bangers, the kitsch movement, giving your car a name, hoiking your novelty socks really high so everyone can see them, shitty christmas films, first person shooters

Wylan: speedpaint videos, joe hisaishi, being judgemental about other people's spotify wrappeds, djungelskog, that gif of the japanese mascot costume running through a bunch of explosions, watching weird low-budget adaptations of shakespeare plays with kaz, those arcade crane games, piercing your own ears with a needle and a lighter then being somehow surprised when it gets infected

Matthias: making an instagram account in-character for your dog, posting low-quality graphics of inspirational or biblical quotes on facebook (yk the ones w the landscape or sunset behind them), taking frowning selfies from below like your granddad does, viking media of any sort, buying dozens of identical t-shirts from big tesco, mixing up celebrities all the time, perpetually caving and giving the scouts/guides/youth groups/football clubs/carollers/etc money for their fundraisers

Nina: making bait posts online in the style of 'why can't we just print more money', period dramas, wearing huge mother of the bride style hats to weddings, saving recipes/crafts/art ideas on tiktok and then never actually doing them, pink gin, tiktok edits of fit celebs/characters, 3 hour video essays abt pop culture, saying 'break up with him' in response to every relationship woe, buying cheerful tat from flying tiger

[bengiyo]

Love in the Big City Part 1: It's Gay

We’ve finally made it to the Love in the Big City TV adaptation. Despite all the drama going on around this show’s release, we got the whole show at once. We won’t get canceled midway through. Though I hoped for a global weekly release schedule, I understand the decisions that led to dropping the whole thing at once. Thankfully, Nam Yoon Su is so charismatic as Go Yeong, and I have much to say about how this show doesn’t hate BL, has great regard for the humanity of its characters, and so far is one of the better adaptations I’ve experienced in my life. 

Nam Yoon Su’s Go Yeong

I just want to state plainly that I love how queer Go Yeong feels in this show. I love his pissy little expressions. I love his frustration and anger at gross straight men. I love his gay little run. I love his dancing in the street to girl pop artists. I love him making out with men in public. 

I loved opening with Yeong in the midst of a new fling and openly having lots of sex before the military boyfriend came back home. I loved Yeong ending things before later going to a club to seek new partners. We haven’t had that in so long, with Queer as Folk being the biggest cultural memory for many. 

More than anything, I love how lonely he felt. Many others have noted it in the tag, and I think that’s the part that resonates when something feels queer for a lot of us. It was notable that they brought Yeong’s friends forward this time, which gives us insight into the shallow nature of most of his relationships. His connection to them is through the club, music, and boys. Go Yeong keeps everyone at a distance. It’s the hardest part about being queer sometimes. You try to connect with others, but something always seems to come up to prevent that closeness. 

Kim Nam-Gyu

I think casting Kwon Hyuk as Kim Nam Gyu was such an excellent decision. He previously played my man Jong Chan in The New Employee, and it feels like a nod from this production that they are not opposed to BL. BL is a drama full of romance tropes and huge optimism about relationships, and they cast the actor who played my favorite version of the ideal man in a way that showed empathy for his lonely, quiet nature. Casting Kwon Hyuk feels like a tactful way for this show to say, “We’re not BL, and we respect the work others are doing.” The New Employee was directed by a Korean gay activist, and I love this show giving K-BL a polite nod.

Nam Gyu is a quiet gay. As one myself, I get a lot of what I saw in Nam Gyu. He takes pictures of hot models because it’s a socially acceptable way for him to be close to hot men. He leaps at the chance to be with Go Yeong, and speed runs the intimacy route. He missed that he was smothering Go Yeong, and I think it’s because it’s clear he lacks friends.

I feel so sad for Nam Gyu, because it’s clear he overinvested in his relationship with Go Yeong. He was so ready to give Go Yeong everything, but it was way too much for a club gay. Despite all the ways he rushed in (like a fool), he was otherwise so safe in his life. He stayed in the lines everywhere, and it’s so tragic that he died while speeding. 

I thought a lot about the lack of Kylie in this section and the health scare, and it adds a layer to the situation with Nam Gyu as @twig-tea pointed out in one of our conversations that Go Yeong asked how he died because he might already know his status. Did Go Yeong wonder if he’d infected Nam Gyu? It also makes me wonder about the sex we didn’t see with Nam Gyu and IG guy. 

Finally, the empty funeral hurts me to my core. This man was so decent, and no one was there to see him off. I am still thinking about how all of the breakups mirrored each other in this section.

Choi Mi Ae

I think @lurkingshan already covered Mi Ae in this adaptation very well. I’ve been thinking about her for a few days, and I’ve decided that I like that we get to see more of her outside of Yeong’s POV in the show. We can see how her circumstances rattled her, and how it was clear that she couldn’t make it on her own long term. 

I get her taking the cushy job. I get her finding a nice enough guy who didn’t want kids. I get her choosing to protect herself when cornered. The most tragic thing about her outing of Yeong is that she told the truth and it only seemed to make things worse. Jonho could never understand the solace she and Go Yeong found in each other, and he was not ready to ever hear the truth of Mi Ae’s life. 

I feel more sympathy for Mi Ae in this version because we can see that their relationship meant so much to her. Learning that he actually went on to become a writer touched her because it feels like he’ll immortalize a time in their lives that was mutually important to them. It also means that one of them may not have to settle for the choices available to them. The singing at the wedding hits so painfully here because it’s the last fun memory these two will ever have. Yeong goes back to the apartment Mi Ae left for him to eat the last of their blueberries, and that’s the last we’ll see of her.

Final Thoughts

I’m so relieved that we have book club discussion again. I’ll be reading and reblogging people’s posts, and I’m looking forward to the next part to see how Hyung fits into the show’s narrative. This adaptation has been so beautiful so far, and it’s been really great to see how the show has softened some of its edges by putting us in third person perspective. We are giving room to understand Mi Ae, Nam Gyu, and the T-aras by not seeing them exclusively through Yeong’s eyes.

[gatheringbones]

[“Pop culture tells us that a real woman knows how to use her body to get what she wants, wielding the power of attraction, seducing with her animal magnetism. But I ask, how much power is there in being a carrot on a stick that is dangled in front of someone? And I can’t help but notice that when men try to flatter us, they often use words like “enchanting” and “mysterious.” But to me, those words seem like a subconscious attempt by them to place some distance between us.

So it bothers me when I hear women buy into a similar mysticism, as they try to empower us by proclaiming that we are magical, that we are mother earth with the ability to give birth, bearing life cycles that follow the moon like the tides of the ocean. But don’t they see the danger in buying into the idea that we are supernatural beings? For if we call ourselves “goddesses,” then there is no need for anyone to treat us like human beings.

I believe that this is where second-wave feminism came to a grinding halt: When we got caught up in the myth that women are special because of our biology. Because when we take pride in how fundamentally different we are from men, we unknowingly engage in a dangerous game of opposites. For if men are big, then women must be small. And if men are strong, then women must be soft. And it becomes impossible to write a loud and proud poem about what it means to be a woman without either ridiculing men or else pulling the rug out from under ourselves. And being a woman is contradiction enough without being both a transsexual and a dyke like myself.

I often feel like the monkey in the middle: On one side of me are older lesbians who insist that I am still a man, as if being born male was some awful disease that has infected my blood and my bones permanently. On the other side of me are younger dykes who are infatuated with trans men and tranny bois, yet secretly confess to friends that they are disturbed by trans women because we act so “effeminate.” I wonder how they can be so oblivious to their own arrogance, for anyone who admires trans men but dismisses trans women is simply practicing another form of sexism. I used to think it was a contradiction that some dykes abhorred me for my masculinity while others hated me for my femininity, until I realized that being a woman means that everyone has a stake in seeing what they want to see in me.”]

julia serano, from excluded: making feminist and queer movements more inclusive, 2013

[hheaven-sentt]

willow and wisteria

summary: he's the willow, you're the wisteria | leon kennedy x reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: movie title mentions (had to pull out the pop culture stops for this one), yearning, a certain nostalgia for Blockbuster and VHS rentals

notes: has this been sitting on my laptop for two weeks? yes. do I want to talk about that? no. also, i am battling a sinus infection that spread to my lungs? and let me just say: sinus infection's got hands | ao3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shoulder to shoulder on the couch, you wonder how you got to this point. He’s stiff beside you as the credits roll on some old western movie you don’t remember the name of. You can see him in your peripheral, jaw clenched like he’s fighting to keep words in, skin naturally smoother than you could ever get it with products, staring straight ahead like he’s looking for his own name on the screen. He’s wearing a sweatshirt you’ve never seen before; it looks so soft, and you want nothing more than to crawl into it.

His voice pulls you from your thoughts. “How many is that?”

You turn your head a bit and blink at him. “Twelve, I think,”

“I think I’ve seen enough westerns to last me a lifetime,” he teases lightly. “I get to pick next time,”

This is what you do. It’s a moment of reprieve for each of you. In total, you’ve watched sixteen dramas, fourteen comedies, six romances, and twelve westerns. Movies are easy. There’s no expectations, not like there would be if you went out to dinner or to a bar. You’re not supposed to talk during movies, although you and Leon have never really been good about that. You don’t know his middle name or his favorite color, but you know that he hates Die Hard and he had a crush on Molly Ringwald as a kid. So, yes, you talk during the movies, but never about the things that would let you peel back the curtain.

You like it that way. There’s no fear of saying the wrong thing or unloading baggage that’s been packed away for decades. It’s easy this way, and you like easy.

“I’m sure the guy at Blockbuster is eagerly awaiting your decision,” you grin. Leon rolls his eyes.

“Are you going to bring that up every time I pick a movie?” he asks, looking at you finally. You see something in his eyes that you can’t quite place.

You shrug. “Probably. I’ve never seen a man more excited to talk about Alien,”

Leon cringes. “To be fair, it was a good movie,”

“I don’t know if it was ask-for-your-number-good, though,” you laugh. “Besides, I bring it up so that you don’t get any ideas about ditching me as your movie buddy,”

“I can’t imagine that we’d watch a ton of movies,” Leon says. Immediately, his cheeks go pink, and you can’t resist the laughter bubbling in your chest. It’s bright and wide, filling up the entire room. You’re wheezing before you know it.

“Hey, man, do whatever you want,” you say between giggles. “Just as long as you watch movies with me,”

Playfully, he knocks his shoulder into yours. “That’s not what I meant and you know it,”

You like when Leon grins. It’s more than a regular smile. It takes up most of his face, eating away at his cheeks and his sorrow, even if only for a moment. He carries something that he won’t share, and you like when he lets go of it for a while. There is peace in the way he laughs, and you prefer to savor it.

“Help me clean up before you head out?” you ask. Sometimes, you try to make him overstay his welcome. Sometimes, you never want him to leave. Sometimes, you try to con him into three or four movies in one night, hoping that he’ll choose to crash on your couch rather than brave the D.C traffic.

He nods, and begins to grab bowls and cups off your coffee table. There’s never much of a mess, but he always helps when you ask. Wordlessly, you file in and out of the kitchen until there’s no evidence that he was here at all. He gathers his things–his keys and geriatric phone–from the table next to the door and slips on his shoes. There’s a weight in your stomach that you wish would go away.

“Same time next week?” he asks. You smile.

“Don’t miss me too much,” you tease. “And don’t stop by the video store without me,”

“I can’t risk going back in there alone,” he says, feigning seriousness.

You can’t help but notice the way he lingers in the entry. You stare at him as you hear a crack of thunder rolling through the sky. You gnaw on your lower lip.

Before you can stop yourself, you say, “If you’d rather not face the storm, my couch is pretty comfy and I make a mean cup of coffee in the morning,”

He looks at you for a moment, like he didn’t fully understand what you said, and then he slips his shoes back off. Silently, he pulls his keys back out of his pocket and returns them to their place on the table.

“Just so you know,” he says. “I drink it black,”

You roll your eyes. “Of course you do,”

You half expect the next few minutes to be awkward, but they aren’t. Leon just settles back into his spot on the couch, leant back against the cushions behind him like he’s supposed to have been there all along. You have to fight the curl threatening to upturn your lips. You return to him, like you always do, settling down beside him with room to spare.

“What’s next on the list?” he asks. His hands are on his chest, just below his sternum, fingers interlaced. You notice that his eyes have slipped closed.

“I was thinking Titanic,” you muse, leaning your head against the cushions. You hadn’t realized how tired you really were. “It’s a classic,”

“Little boring for my taste,” he says. You smile.

“A whole boat sinks during the last, like, hour of the movie,” you tease, leaning over to shove him playfully. “How is that boring?”

He shrugs, smiling and opening one eye to peek at you. You feel a chill snake its way down your spine. “The other two thirds cancel out the boat sinking,”

“Fair,” you note. You can’t find anything else to say, even if you want to. He looks so peaceful there, loose on your couch and in your space. He chose to stay. He chose to be around you. Sometimes, it makes you nervous.

Silence stretches between you, but it doesn’t amplify the nerves. It settles them, honestly. You find yourself so comfortable here, an arm’s length away from him but somehow still wrapped in his warmth. He eases your tensions, dampens the sounds from outside. What a pleasant world it would be if he were here all the time. Your eyelids droop as you watch him. His breathing is so steady, you’d think he’d fallen asleep. But he twitches every now and then to tell you he’s still awake.

“You’re really gonna make me coffee tomorrow?” he asks. His voice is low and smooth. It makes you smile.

“Yeah,” you whisper. “It’s the least I can do for holding you captive,”

He laughs, weak and wonderful as if he’s on the edge of sleep. “You’re not holding me captive. There’s hurricane force winds out there,”

You grin, opening your eyes to look at him. You find him already watching you. Blush creeps over his features. You hold his stare, wondering what he’s thinking.

“You make me nervous,” you whisper. You’re not sure he even hears you. He seems to be calculating his words, or maybe his escape route.

Instead, he furrows his brow. “I hope it’s a good kind of nervous,” he whispers back. Your lips form a line as you nod.

The silence returns, but you keep watching him. He’s pretty like this, haloed by the lightning that flashes in the window every few seconds. You fight the urge to reach out and trace his features. You can imagine the way his skin would feel against yours, the sloped angle of his nose, the creases near his eyes.

You want to jump out of your skin when he turns to consider you more. There’s a half smile hung on his lips. Then, he’s reaching out to grab your hand. It’s tentative, like a young boy might slowly wrap his fingers around a girl’s for the very first time. It’s simple, it’s easy; you like easy. His hands are much warmer than yours, though you’re not sure how, considering you feel like every inch of you has been consumed by flames. You worry that he can see the sweat beginning to bead along your hairline. You swallow thickly, praying to whoever might listen that you don’t screw this up.

“What’s your favorite color?” you ask. Your voice is low, barely above a whisper like you’re children trading secrets when you’re meant to be asleep.

He smiles. “Green,” he says. “Like a forest just before dusk,”

Of course it would be green. You feel a flash of embarrassment for not having asked earlier. The amount of green things you could shower him would last a lifetime. You think back to every green item you’ve ever seen, every natural green you’ve had the pleasure of witnessing,  and wonder how you’d never thought of it before. Now, when the tree outside your window raps against the panes, you’ll think of him. You’ll think of him when you use the crockpot your mother gifted you when you moved out. You’ll see him in the murky depths of a lake, or the vibrant hue of your favorite pair of shoes.

“Mine’s purple,” you reply. “Like wisteria,”

His face sours for a moment. “The stuff that hangs off willow trees?”

You grin and nod. “Exactly like that,”

At this, he laces your fingers together with more confidence. You feel your heart stutter. You would be content to die like this. In this moment, you’d make him a hundred cups of coffee, give him a thousand green hued things, and look for willow trees where you can.

[thatonebirdwrites]

Coffee

Follow-up to L-Corp, Chill, and Scotch (Lena's POV), Catco and Family (Kara's POV), Kara and Heat, Plumerias and Ink and Aura

This is objectively the worst coffee Kara has ever had in her life. No amount of sugar or milk saves it, yet it's the only coffee available in the hospital.

She takes another sip, grimaces, and considers just tossing it down the sink. Caffeine doesn't actually affect her, so her drinking it is mostly for comfort.

She waits in a small room by the surgery center, where doctors worked to repair the complication to Lena's condition. It's a name that Kara can't quite pronounce, Endocarditis, an infection in the heart. She thinks back through the last week and three days.

***

When Lena's blood culture tests, echocardiogram, CT and X-rays all came back positive for the infection, she is admitted to the hospital for supervision of a heavy round of antibiotics.

Kara sets up a schedule with Sam and Kelly for daily visits. Kelly can't do everyday, but she does the late morning. Kara goes for the afternoon, while Sam and sometimes Ruby covers evenings. Lena speaks sparingly, sleeps a lot, but seems to appreciate each visit.

Kara learns the name of Lena's nurses and technicians, but they seem to change shifts a lot, so she's not certain which ones will be there on which days. The technicians seem to be the ones that deal with hygiene tasks, while nurses deal more with the health portions like IV stuff, procedures, and medicines.

Lena's given the best suite in the department, and supposedly the best cooks. Kara judges the food harshly -- they call that the best? It doesn't even smell like food!

Lena, for some reason, finds Kara's reaction to hospital food hilarious. On Day 3 of Lena's Hospital Stay, Lena chuckles at Kara's latest horror at her food choices. "Darling," she says, which is a thing she started up in the hospital too -- pet names, "this is indeed the best in hospital fare." She had soup in front of her, broth heavy, and small kale-based salad.

Just the smell of kale insults Kara's senses. The menu the workers bring Lena -- they have a person specifically for food, just as they have nurses, nurse techs, and others that Kara totally forgot what their roles are -- is horrifically sparse on entrees and side dishes. Even the desserts are terrible. No donuts or ice cream! Just some weird fruit flavored ice pop.

"How do people survive?" Kara asks. "The portions are so small, and no variety! It's like a food desert."

"Mmmm. I suppose it is for you." Lena raises an eyebrow. "Which I have wondered... is your ferocious appetite part of your particular physiology?"

Lena-speak for if it's due to Kara being Kryptonian. "Yeah, it is. I need almost three times the calories of a human." Kara rubs her neck and smiles sheepishly.

"Wait, what? Do you even get enough in a day?" Lena's eyebrows scrunch cutely like it does when she's furiously pondering a subject.

"Not always," Kara admits. "There's some Earth food that I can't digest. Found that out the hard way my first few years here." She pokes the wet tea bag that sits in the corner of the tray. Despite steeping it for five minutes, Lena admits it's still rather tasteless tea.

"Kara..." Lena touches the back of Kara's hand. Another first since their fight, since well before Lex's death actually. Before Lex, the physical affection between them had been slowly ramping up, but after him, Lena's frosty demeanor and avoidance made even sitting near one another difficult.

Now she touches Kara tentatively but with a firmness, as if she's making sure Kara can really feel the touch. Another new thing between them and one Kara appreciates.

"What if I draft a powder for you? You can put it in your sickening sweet drinks to add in more calories."

"Really? You'd make that?" Kara blinks back the urge to cry. "I don't deserve..."

"Stop." Lena grasps her hand and rubs her thumb over Kara's palm. It tingles almost. "No more of that while I'm here. You and Sam have pressed upon me how important food and health is. So that means I can't sit idly knowing you may not get enough in a day." Her firm tone invokes no room for argument, but Kara has no idea what to say in response. So she only smiles and holds Lena's hand gingerly.

Lena has always been perceptive of Kara's needs, and she's tried to do the same. So it really shouldn't surprise Kara that Lena has ideas for how to draft this powder by day three of her hospital stay. Sam, on her way out, whispers to Kara how Lena has been nonstop pondering it, and she had to steal Lena's tablet twice to enforce rest the prior night.

Honestly, this is why she takes the longer shifts in the afternoon, to make sure Lena has everything she needs for this hospital stay. It's the least she can do to continue her repair and make sure Lena doesn't ever feel she has to face anything alone again.

Her time here has given Kara a shock as to how many people don't have visitors. That too becomes a conversation between her and Lena, this time on the fourth day of Lena's stay.

"There's this really nice old lady three rooms down from you. She had some sort of big heart surgery, but like no one visited her for a week! A week, Lena!" Kara throws her hands into the air in horror.

Lena smiles, her gaze focused intently on Kara. That too is a new development.

Before Lex, Lena tended to focus her attention on whoever the speaker is, but for Kara, she'd sometimes bite her bottom lip, smile softly, or step much, much closer than she would for other people. The singular focus often had Kara blushing.

After Lex, Lena avoided eye contact. At least until their talk at the gazebo.

Now Lena gazes at her with a singular focus, one so intent that she misses when anyone enters the room. Her entire body language shifts too, far more than in the past, as if she's listening not just with her ears but with her whole body. It's a trifle overwhelming, especially with how gorgeous Lena is, even when ill and in a pastel-blue hospital gown.

"I take it you did something about this tragedy?" Lena drawls, a hint of a smile on her lips.

"Well, yes. I couldn't just let her be sad and alone. So..." Kara leans closer and whispers, "Don't tell Alex, but I sort of hid in the bathroom and got out the supersuit, and had Supergirl visit her."

"Kara!" Lena laughs and weakly swats her arm. "That's what that commotion was."

Kara smiles. "Well, what can I say?" she shrugs. "Everyone loves and knows Supergirl."

That's when the Look started. Lena's expression softened, her gaze even more intent, but her smile almost shy. Kara can't recall Lena ever looking at her quite this way prior, and it warms her in a way that Kara can't quite pinpoint yet.

"I prefer Kara." The words punctuated with a firm nod as if Lena will fight anyone who disagrees.

Kara once again finds herself blinking back tears. "Really?"

"Yes. You'll always be just Kara to me."

That definitely invokes tears. "You might be the first to ever say that." She rubs her face, horrified by her own tears. "Everyone always treats me differently once they learn, and then it's all about... about you know."

"Were you afraid I'd do the same?"

Kara nods, miserable. It's why she stressed it so much in her apology at the Pulitzer's, how that fear had made her such a horrendous coward. "Yeah, I'm sorry."

Lena is silent for a long moment, that scrunch in her brows signalling her thinking. "I suppose I have treated you differently since I learned, but it was... out of hurt. Not because of your alternate identity per se."

"That's not the same," Kara insists. "Even then, you focused on me as Kara. Like even Nia, once she knew, I became her mentor, and sometimes that drives almost all of our friendship these days. And I get it. Kara Danvers isn't as cool."

Lena shakes her head. "I think Kara Danvers is cool just as she is. I have since the start." A faint smile twitches her lips.

On Day five, Kara is late for her shift due to a Supergirl emergency, this time a rampaging dinosaur. Some sort of animatronic turned into a real creature somehow.

Kelly has already left, and Lena lays quietly in bed, her tablet face-up in her lap. This is the first time Kara stopped to nab a coffee from the cafeteria, mostly to help her calm down from the fight.

"Hey Lena." Kara drops into the chair next to her bed. "How are you feeling today?" She takes a sip and stares at the coffee in horror. "Wow, this is terrible."

"Hospital coffee always is, hun," Lena murmurs. Her hands are restless against her blanket, and her brow scrunched as if she's been deep in thought. "Are -- are you okay?" Her eyes rove over Kara with an intensity that makes her blush. "I -- I saw the news."

Oh. That explains the nervousness in Lena's demeanor. "I'm fine." Kara smiles.

She listens to the rest of the department, but no one is near Lena's room, the nurses and techs are on opposite ends of the hallway or chatting at their desk six doors away.

So safe enough to share. "It looked worse than it was. Alex wants me to take it easy though. So I don't solar flare."

Lena tilts her head. "Explain? I hear the term off and on, but how does it work physiology-wise?"

"Oh." Kara taps her fingers against her leg. "My cells suck up solar energy and stores them. It's what gives me my powers, but I can deplete them over time. Usually time in the sun replenishes them, so I never fully deplete, but sometimes, on cloudy days or at night, I can use up all my reserves. That's a solar flare."

"So then no powers?"

Kara nods. "Yeah. Which means I have to be extra careful since I can sometimes break a bone without meaning to. I have to be so careful with my strength, that losing it means I will think I'm careful --"

"But you overcompensate?"

Kara nods. "Gosh, it feels so good to share this with you." She attempts another sip of the coffee and almost gags.

"Mmmm. Yes. I prefer this." Lena's tone holds no bitterness this time however. "Though I think you should give up on that coffee. Before you die from gagging."

Kara chuckles. "Yeah, I guess." She looks down at the brown liquid.

Tears prick her eyes, and she wonders how long Lena will have to stay here. It scares her to see Lena here, to see her so pale and weak, with IV and fluids, with the blood pressure cuff on her arm and her finger in the oxy-meter. A machine takes her vitals every fifteen minutes, the noise grating to Kara's ears.

"Kara, darling, how about you read the next chapter?" Lena holds out her book. As always, Lena knows when they both need the distraction. Kara takes the book and prepares her best reading voice, the one Lena seems delighted to hear. Giving a different voice to each character is part of that, which feels silly but it brings a smile to Lena's face, and that's something Kara desperately wants to keep doing.

When Lena falls asleep an hour later, Kara scoots closer and gently pushes a lock of hair away from Lena's face. Her fingers linger by Lena's ear, and that urge to kiss her forehead overwhelms Kara.

She can't help herself. She lets her lips ghost over Lena's cold skin.

That's when the current nurse - Quincey - walks in to check on Lena's vitals and change her IV bag. She smiles at Kara and gives her a wink when Kara hurriedly sits down as if caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

Before Nurse Quincey leaves, Kara stands and catches her at the door. "Um, do you know how much longer Lena has to stay?"

The nurse glances at the hospital bed, where Lena sleeps soundly. "It depends on how well she takes to the antibiotics. The doctor will see her tomorrow to check her progress if you want to save your questions for then." She gives Kara a reassuring smile. "And don't worry, we'll take good care of your partner."

Before Kara can protest the term, the nurse sweeps out of the room.

Well, that's just, something.

Kara sits down and downs the terrible coffee before its smell can assault her nose. She needs something after that, because if Lena hears a nurse call Kara that, what will she do? Kara doesn't want Lena to get upset and stress her heart.

After that day, Kara becomes far too intimate with the absolutely terrible coffee and food the hospital serves. Lena isn't allowed caffeine, so she's ends up with just decaffeinated tea or various juices.

"I'm convinced they source the worst tea imaginable," Lena admits to Kara the fifth day of her stay in the hospital. The bed is tilted so Lena can sit upright, and a tray hangs over her lap. The food, as usual, looks incredibly sad to Kara. In fact, it makes her want to rush out to find Lena real food.

But she's not sure if that's allowed. "I'd get you better tea, but I probably would need to sneak it in."

"Resorting to tea smuggling?" Lena jokes, dryly. "Kara Zor El Danvers, I'm scandalized."

To hear her full name uttered from Lena's lips? Kara can't help but smile. "Oh, I smuggle a lot of delicious things. Like potstickers in a theater."

That nets her a full-throat chuckle. Almost like old times. The pain or distrust in Lena's eyes hasn't fully left her, but she has started laughing more often to Kara's horrible jokes.

"Oh, that reminds me. Brainy and J'onn had to move my mind-healing session to today. So I need to leave fifteen minutes early. Mostly because J'onn only has an hour, and it takes about ten minutes for Brainy to set up the tech."

"The tech? As in what we used to find Sam during the worldkillers?" Lena asks.

"Yeah, that. I'm naturally resistant to telepathy, so J'onn can't do mind-healing work without Brainy's tech getting us all in one place in my mind."

"When did you start this?" Lena tilts her head, confused. "And why?"

"Um, well, a few weeks ago. I told you I want to repair us. To be better. That means dealing with my trauma too. I don't ever want my trauma to hurt you again." Kara looks down at her hands, embarrassed. "But Kryptonian mind-healers are few and far between on Argo, and I trust J'onn. He was trained by his father, and he understands what it's like to lose your people."

"Oh." Lena looks surprised, but then her expression softens, and she gives Kara the Look. Gently, she reaches out to grasp Kara's hand, and tugs lightly until Kara scoots her chair closer. Lena holds her hand over her heart. "Sam mentioned you'd gone to therapy, but I take it mind-healing is not the same?"

"Yeah, it's a little different" Kara says. "Mind-healing is... more intense? We refile the traumatic memories, and go through the emotions to process them. It's more visceral?"

"Huh." Lena rubs her thumb against the back of Kara's hand. That's another development. Since her hospitalization, she's been a lot more touchy-feely, as if she uses the touch to ground herself. Which Kara can understand considering how scary the hospital can be at times.

"I can... talk about it sometime if you'd like?" Kara says, hesitantly. It's a bit more of her alien nature than she's ever dared share with Lena prior.

"I'd like that." Lena smiles and the Look continues, this time with neither of them speaking. It's not uncomfortable, but it leaves Kara confused since Lena is definitely starting to stare, as if she's trying to memorize Kara's features.

"Um, do I have something on my face?" Kara pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose, nervously.

"Mmmmm. Just glasses." Lena plays with her hand but doesn't look away. This is one of those moments where Kara desperately wants to know what Lena is thinking, but she's too afraid to ask.

So she leans against the bed and lets Lena stare as much as she wants. If it helps her recover, then Kara will try not to blush the entire time. (She's unsuccessful).

When Nurse Quincey enters to swap IV bags and check over Lena, Kara starts to pull away, but Lena's grip tightens on her hand. She doesn't want to hurt her, so she lets Lena keep her hand.

The nurse glances at their hands with a smile. "So, how are you feeling, Lena?" Nurse Quincey winks at Lena. "I see your partner is here again."

"Mmm." To Kara's shock, Lena doesn't dispute the claim nor protest it. "It's her penance. She must endure the horrible coffee and food in return for my company."

Nurse Quincey laughs. "Some penance. That coffee is terrible."

Kara makes a 'bleh' face in agreement, which causes both the nurse and Lena to chuckle.

"How long have you two been together?" Nurse Quincey asks. She works efficiently, the new bag looking the same, but with a tilt of Kara's glasses, she can see the minerals and electrolytes swirling in it.

"Mmm. Awhile," Lena says vaguely.

"That's right," the nurse says with a laugh. "You're terribly private, until it's the middle of the night. Then all your tales spill out." She glances at Kara. "She like this for you too?"

Kara isn't sure if she should nod or not. Does Lena talk to the nurses about her? The casual friendliness catches her off guard, and she looks between them, confused.

Lena's face and neck reddens. "In my defense, you're a good listener unlike some people I know."

"Hey, what am I then?" Kara says in faux outrage. "Cold turkey?"

"I don't believe that's how the saying goes, darling," Lena drawls.

The nurse turns to the marker board to record the vitals. "You two are cute." She caps the marker. "The doctor will be in soon. We'll need to do another echocardiogram and X-ray."

Lena's smile fades and she sighs. "All right. May Kara stay for this?"

"Sure. It can be helpful I think, since partners sometimes think of questions you might miss." Nurse Quincey adjusts the IV tubes and checks the cuffs. "I know it can be overwhelming to be here. So don't push yourself to think of everything, Lena."

"Hard habit to break," Lena admits. "But I'm learning." She squeezes Kara's hand hard enough for it to tingle. "This one helps."

The nurse smiles again. "Good. Let me know if you need anything or if the pain worsens, okay?" She moves the bed controls closer to Lena's left hand.

After she leaves, Kara looks at Lena, confused. She wants to ask why Lena played along with the partner-stuff, but then Lena gives her the Look, and all words evaporate from her brain.

There's an intensity that almost burns the air between them, and Lena holds Kara's hand over her heart. As if to push Kara's warmth into it, which if Kara could she would.

"Lena?" Kara licks her lips, and struggles to keep her eyes away from Lena's chest or lips. That's always been difficult for her, but under the energizing Look, she finds it even more difficult.

"They all call you that," Lena says, softly.

"Um..." Words. Kara can use them, but she can't form the sentence in her head, so her words tumble in a bumbling confusion. "I mean, I like it but i thought, i mean, i don't know, i guess..."

Lena lifts her finger and presses it to Kara's lips. It takes all of Kara's willpower to not lick Lena's finger.

"I'm in the hospital, Kara, with a heart infection that would have killed me if you and Sam hadn't stepped in." Her hand drops to where she has Kara's hand still pressed against her heart. Which means Kara can feel the top of Lena's breast through her gown, which is definitely making it very hard to think of words to say. "You keep saving my life. That means something."

"Yeah." Kara licks her lips. She takes a steadying breath and tries very hard to not rub her thumb over the top of Lena's breast. She's doesn't want to make Lena uncomfortable, but she also doesn't want Lena to move her hand away. "I always will."

Lena smiles. "I know."

Neither of them speak of it again, and although Kara still doesn't understand why Lena doesn't correct anyone about the title 'partner,' she decides it must be a sign that something has healed between them.

Perhaps there is hope for them after-all.

***

When the doctor reviews the echocardiogram, X-ray, EKG, and bloog work, Kara sits with Lena, where Lena holds Kara's hand in a death grip even though her expression is neutral.

"Do you have an estimate at all?" Kara tries to keep the sharpness from her tone, but from the squeeze of Lena's hand, she knows she's been unsuccessful.

"Endocarditis isn't easily predictable," the doctor says, gently. "Generally the antibiotics should clear it out, but sometimes surgery is required to clean and repair the valves. It's best she stays here as we continue the regimen. In three days we'll do a check-up."

"Surely she won't need surgery, right?" Kara does not like the sound of that at all.

"I can't rule it out as a possibility. Not at this point." The doctor glances at Lena. "You did state that you wished for us to use the best techniques possible for this infection."

"I did," Lena agrees. "And I understand. Thank you, Doctor."

She gives them both a sad smile. "I know these news aren't what you hoped. But there has been progress. We've made a dent, and that's important to celebrate." She pats Kara's shoulder.

The doctor's words leaves her in a state of increasing worry.

So those three days, Kara does everything she can to not panic. Lena needs her support, not her panic and worry. So she leaves that to her talks with Alex in the evenings.

"I'm sure she'll get through this and be back to her normal self soon," Alex tells her. She's taken to checking on Kara each evening, and if she can't due to some obligation, she sends Nia or J'onn or Brainy. Anything to help Kara cope.

Or if Kara isn't up for speaking, she texts with Sam and Kelly, both of whom have taken to the group chat with their own worries and encouragement for what Sam calls "Lena's Cheerleader Team."

Kelly: Lena is remarkably calm about all of this. I suspect she isn't sharing her true emotions.

Sam: Hun, she never does. Plays it close to her vest. But I know she's scared to death.

Kara: How do you all stay calm?! I feel like the panic is pouring out of me, and I just want to hold her close and fix this somehow, but I can't. It's maddening.

Kelly: Meditation for me.

Sam: Eh, I've seen Lena survive all sorts of near-death experiences. I'm positive she'll just roll through this one after scaring the shit out of all of us, and be back to her old self in no time.

Kara: Oh gosh, I feel like I'm having to save her several times a year. I panic almost every time. At least with those we rescue her in time, and she's not hurt. But this is so long and terrifying.

Sam: You ever had a loved one be ill for this long, Kara?

Kara: Well, Alex sometimes got ill from the flu, but no, not hospital-level. And even Lena's numerous near-death experiences never warranted longer than a few hours in the emergency department.

Kelly: Wait, what? What do you mean numerous near-death experiences??

Sam: When she jokes about quarterly assassination attempts, it's not actually a joke. It used to be that frequent. Her actions to help save the world has lessened it some lately, but it's still far more frequent than my poor heart can bear.

Kara: Keeping Lena alive is part of my job.

Kelly: Maybe I should be asking her if she'd like a recommendation to a therapy then.

Sam: If you can convince her to go and not give up after session two, I'll call you a miracle worker.

Sam: Kara, us humans are prone to illness. I suggest taking time to do something unrelated to Lena or hospitals. Do not burn yourself out on this. Lena needs us, so that means we all must take care of ourselves too. Get me?

Kara: Yes, mother. :)

Kelly: Good speech, Sam.

Sam: What I'm good at. Dad jokes and speeches.

***

Kara has a Supergirl emergency the day Lena has to retake the blood tests and other procedures. They almost have the alien with the projector, and Kara nearly solar flares in her fight with him. They capture him, and she flies to the hospital without so much of a word to Alex of J'onn.

Her suit deactivates at the top of the parking garage, and she tries to no use superspeed to reach Lena's room.

By the time she gets there, breathless with worry, Lena's techs have rolled her bed back into place. Lena lays quiet, her breaths belabored, and a sheen of sweet on her forehead. A tech wipes her face for her and nods to Kara, who nearly trips over herself to reach Lena's side.

"How -- how did it go?"

"Just took the tests." Lena sounds breathless still. "You had an emergency? You're late." She doesn't sound upset, just concerned. She holds out her hand, and Kara gingerly takes it.

"Yeah, I came as soon as I could. I'm sorry I'm late."

Lena smiles, and she gives Kara the Look again. This time with the techs there to witness. The longer she stays in the hospital, the more blatant Lena becomes with her stares at Kara and the increasing affectionate touches.

"The doctor will be by in an hour or so, once we have the results," a tech says. "Let us know if you need anything." He places the remote by Lena's hand.

Lena nods at him, but quickly returns her gaze to Kara's.

Silence stretches between them. This one feels charged in ways that confuse Kara. The longer the stay, the more intense Lena becomes, as if she's unveiling more of her heart each day.

It shouldn't worry Kara. She should be elated, but it feels too much, too soon. She doesn't want Lena to feel pressured to do anything, and she's afraid that this is all temporary. That once Lena leaves the hospital, everything will go back to how things were in their gazebo talk.

Kara's not sure how to deal if that happens. She's starting to covet Lena's Look and increasingly affectionate touches.

"Kara," Lena starts to say, but trails off.

"Yeah?"

"Stay longer today, please."

"What of Sam?" Kara tries not to take too much of Sam's shift. She knows how important that friendship is to Lena.

"She'll understand."

"Okay." Kara will do anything for Lena. That earns her one of Lena's soft, shy smiles.

When the doctor speaks to them, it's after almost two hours of waiting, most of it Lena dozes, her arms around Kara's right arm, which makes it hard for Kara to do much but lean against the hospital bed's railing while she messes with a game on her phone one-handed.

Doctor Singh has already gone through the scans and answered all of Lena's very detailed questions. Kara's questions focuses solely on how long Lena must stay and the next stage of treatment.

"Surgery," the doctor says firmly. "We noticed a complication that we need to address as soon as possible."

"Surgery?" Kara repeats horrified. "But… surely she won't need that?"

Again, her willpower is severely tested. Panic twists her gut, and she tries to not let it show. Lena looks so frail and tired, her questions keen but her voice soft. She hasn't released Kara's hand since her return to the room after the tests. Kara can feel the tremor in Lena's hand muscles, which also worries her.

Worrying for Lena's health has been so constant that this spike in worry feels like a she's been dunked in a sand pit, sputtering for air. She wants to see Lena well, and the doctor's words aren't helping calm the rising inferno in Kara's chest.

"She will," the doctor says firmly. "I understand it can be scary as her partner. But she'll be in good care, and her survival-ability is quite high."

Survival-ability? Golly, how is Kara supposed to feel better with that word? It sounds like a word that beats one up in a dark alley and leaves one for dead. Not a good word. Not at all.

So the last bit of the Doctor's time Kara barely hears. It's after the Doctor has left that Kara finally finds words. "You're so calm about this, Lena! How?"

"Because I know you'll show all the emotions for me," Lena lightly teases.

"Lena..." Kara frowns. "This is your health."

"I know." Lena shifts against her pillows and holds Kara's hand close to heart again. "I am scared," she says, softly. "It's hard to not be, but I know now I'm not alone in this. You, Sam, and Kelly have made sure of that." She gestures to her side table. "And the cards from everyone else has been far more than I deserve. Especially after what I did to you."

"You were hurting," Kara says. "I forgave you ages ago."

"You're a much better person than me," Lena says, ruefully. "I've hurt far more than just you with that sale to Andrea. Nia, especially, I don't understand why she seems determined to write me daily."

"She thinks the world of you, Lena. And yeah, Andrea is not a good boss, but with your hospitalization? She's been a lot kinder to us. I thought I'd have to fight harder to get the time to visit you daily, but Andrea just said, 'Go be who I couldn't, Kara. I'll mark you down for half time until she's well.'"

Lena blinks in surprise. "She -- she said that?"

Kara nods. "Yeah. It's made both Nia and I look at her in a different light. Now we're wondering how much of her prickly behavior is trauma-based."

"Huh." Lena looks at the ceiling, her forehead crunched in thought. "I -- I didn't think she still cared. Her betrayal still hurts today."

Kara brushes a lock of Lena's hair from her face, and her fingers linger against her cheek. She can't help it. "I think she regrets whatever she did. But you are under no obligation to forgive her or do anything with that. Your health and well-being comes first."

Lena lifts her other hand and presses Kara's hand against her cheek. The Look is out in force, and it leaves Kara temporarily breathless. "As you and Sam are teaching me," Lena murmurs. "Kara..."

"Yeah?" The words comes out breathless. The worry simmers like oil atop the deep waters of love she has for Lena. She wants to just blurt out her love, but she's not sure if it's appropriate. So far, she's going by what Lena needs.

"I know this has been hard for you," Lena whispers. "But your presence means a lot to me. You didn't need to do this. You could have just... walked away."

"Never." Kara leans toward her, her tone fervent. "I'll never walk away..." she realizes the implication there and blushes. "I mean unless you directly tell me to get lost. Because you know consent is important, but well, since you didn't, um, I'm staying. To repair us, to be here in whatever way you need. You're my person, Lena."

"Alex wrote I've always been your exception," Lena says, and she nibbles on her lip.

"Yeah. You are." She knows exactly what Alex refers to -- all the times Kara dropped everything to rescue Lena. Or how she defended Lena despite everyone being against her. So many fights with her sister over Lena.

Oh Rao, was she in love with Lena even then? Golly. No wonder Alex is so exasperated with her in regards to Lena.

"Why?" Lena's eyes search for something in Kara's expression.

"I told you," Kara says, gently. "I love you."

That crinkle appears again. "Friendship love or...?"

"In love. With you I mean. I'm in love." Kara's face turns pink. She thought she'd made it obvious in her first confession in the gazebo, but perhaps not.

Lena smiles, her hand still pressing Kara's hand to her cheek. For a long moment, she gazes at Kara, a slight crinkle in her brow.

"Trusting that is hard," she says, quietly. "But you've followed through on your promises since your apology. Thank you."

"Of course," Kara says. "I want to be better for you."

"Kara..." Lena's nose wrinkles so cutely. "Do it for your sake too."

"Well, yeah, but you're my priority."

Lena mulls that over, her eyes roving over Kara's face. She bites her lip and takes an unsteady breath. "Kara, I -- I love you too."

Kara breathes in sharply. She had not expected Lena to say that ever. She doesn't know what to do with it.

"It's why it all hurt so much. I've loved you so long that -- that I never thought you'd ever feel the same."

Oh Rao, 'feel the same?' Joy and fear seeps through Kara. Lena loves her. Despite everything. Yet those dark thoughts persist, the ones that insist it's the life-threatening illness and hospitalization talking. That this will disappear once Lena's well.

Perhaps that's a sort of trust too.

"Lena..." Kara can't sort out what to say.

"I never thought you'd actually hurt me," Lena continues, "I recognize now I had you on a pedestal, and that wasn't fair to you. We're both imperfect. Flawed. And love means loving one another through the hardships too."

"Yeah, I like how you put that." It feels inadequate in comparison, but Kara's brain is still caught up in the fact Lena loves her.

Lena briefly closes her eyes, still against the blankets and pillows. After several deep breaths, she turns her head to give Kara the Look again. "But if I don't recover, I -- I didn't want to die without you knowing the truth."

"Lena..." Kara blinked back tears. "You won't die."

Lena sighs. "I'd rather play it safe. Sam knows where my will is. I rewrote it again, and I included you. I wanted to make sure you, Sam, and Ruby are taken care of."

"Lena, please, don't." Kara can't handle this. "You're going to be okay. You have to be."

Lena smiles and turns her head to press a kiss to Kara's palm. "Okay. I'll be fine then."

"Exactly." Kara sniffed and knew she was crying, but she didn't care. This was Lena. "And I'll be there for when you exit Surgery, and you'll be released in no time, and we can celebrate with potstickers and a relaxing movie. And Ruby and Sam can make popcorn, and soon you're strength will be back, and you'll be inventing and changing the world again. I'll be right there with you. You aren't alone. Not anymore, not ever."

"Okay." Lena pats the bed next to her. "Hold me please. At least until it's time."

Kara carefully settles herself on her side next to Lena, away from her IV. She wraps her arms around Lena and holds her tenderly.

***

Kara sips her coffee, wrinkles her nose.

Rao, this coffee smells horrendous. She puts it down on the table and fiddles with the magazines on display. Most are gossip rags, though Catco and its competitor are included in the pile along with a medical magazine.

Her phone vibrates, and she pulls it out desperate for any distractions.

Sam: I'm on my way. Is she still in surgery?

Kara: Yeah. I feel like I'm losing my mind waiting. What if she doesn't make it? what if something goes wrong?

Sam: What's the easiest buildling to lift?

Er... what? Kara scratches her head, confused at the sudden change in topic. She decides to roll with it because Sam always has a point to her weirdness.

Kara: :thinking face: uhhh, mobile home?

Sam: A lighthouse.

That startles her into a laugh. Oh Rao, that was good. Lighthouse.

Sam: How do you know when a comedian passes gas?

Kara: when something smells funny?

Sam: Beat me to the punchline.

Tears sting Kara's eyes. She knows Sam's distracting her with bad jokes, and it's sort of working. No wonder Lena likes her so much.

"Ms. Danvers?" It's one of the nurses from the Surgical suite.

"Yes?" She pockets her phone and stands. "How is she?"

The nurse smiles. "She's in recovery now. The surgery went perfectly. Once she wakes, we'll bring her to you."

Relief floods Kara. She doesn't even realize she's crying until the nurse steps forward with a box of Kleenex. "Thanks."

The nurse pats her shoulder. "Take your time. I'll ask the doctor if we can let you into the recovery section, okay?"

"Yes, please. Thank you." Kara dabs her eyes.

Oh gosh, Lena is alive. She's going to be okay.

[iwanthermidnightz]

✨ERAS TOUR NOLA N1✨

my eras tour search started the moment she announced in november 2022. we all frantically signed up to make sure we were verified fans to *possibly* get a code to buy tickets, but for many of us that never happened.

I didn’t think it was in the cards for me to make it to eras tour after not being able to go to any shows, but in the last few weeks I manifested any positive vibes I could and searched tirelessly for tickets. I followed resale accounts for info on the tickmaster drops, and spent literally days refreshing the queue in case it opened up for those of us previously waitlisted. the second the queue opened I tried to enter but wasn’t let in. same goes for family also trying to get tickets. I told myself if it was meant to happen it would and focused all of my energy on some sort of miracle happening the day of…. and it did.

with the help of literal ticket fairy @9w1ft I was able to secure a ticket friday morning for the first nola show that night, and I spent the rest of the day grinning like a little kid. even though i was suffering (and still am) from an ear infection, go figure, I felt so relieved. so my sister and I decided to try to get some merch that morning, but the lines were so long and sizes were running out so we walked around the city.

i have never seen a city go all out for taylor like new orleans. from a swiftie welcome center at the airport, to hotels, small businesses selling merch, the zoo, friendship bracelet stations everywhere, local bars, restaurants, city wide eras themed events, to taylor’s music being played everywhere. the stadium even hung a two huge friendship bracelets on the outside. the preparation and anticipation from everyone everywhere did not go unnoticed.

it was incredible, and the pure joy in the streets was palpable. everywhere you looked there was glitter, sparkles and happiness. it made me so happy!

it didn’t truly sink in until i got to my seat and took in the view (@9w1ft pat yourself on the back girl!) i know it sounds weird but it felt like all the hard times i’ve gone through for the last year and a half disappeared. what did it for me was being around 65,000 people who were experiencing and spreading copious amounts of pure joy because of taylor and her music. you could feel it. THIS is what she does for people. and it was powerful. to think of everything going on in the world, and then going to this place that felt safe and happy and carefree. it’s an irreplaceable experience. and I wholeheartedly take back what I said about people going to 3+ shows. I would go every chance I got too if I knew it would feel like that.

the thought and attention to detail taylor put into this show is mind blowing and is a masterclass of artistry and the impact she’s had on pop culture and music for the past 18 years. the stamina and ability to perform for three hours every night is also insane, and she does it so effortlessly. I could go on and on about how truly magical it was and how grateful I am to have had the chance to finally experience it. it was a long time coming. i’ll always remember what it felt like to attend the iconic eras tour! it’s a love letter to her fans.

thank you taylor, we love you!

💚💛❤️🩵🖤🩷🩶🤎💙🤍

[howtofightwrite]

What's gonna happen if someone gets shoot in the head? Will flesh and blood go all over the place, or will it be a small entry and exit, or will it be something else? Tryna write a zombie story rn and I'm not sure 😭

Usually, they die.

How much damage the head suffers will depend on what was fired. Specific cartridges result in different wound patterns, and if you have a forensic background, you may even be able to identify the bullet used based on the entrance and exit wound. Smaller handgun rounds are likely to result in less tissue disruption. Rifle rounds are more likely to cause serious structural damage, and shotgun shells (particularly buckshot) are likely to cause serious tissue disruption. But, there's another consideration, the more the decomposed the target, the more a round is likely to do. This one's honestly pretty hard to assess in generalities, because there are a lot of factors for decomposition.

This also leads into a far more difficult question, “what happens if you shoot a zombie in the head?” The answer might be, “nothing.”

So, there's two groups of zombies in popular fiction, and the answer to the above question hinges on which one you're examining. Zombies can either be infected with rabies or actual undead, and the latter are far more uncommon in modern pop culture.

A lot of popular zombies are, technically, alive, but cognitively functioning on a more animal level. In many cases, their symptoms are fairly similar to a sever rabies infection (though, the 28 Days Later series is one of the rare cases where the infection is, explicitly, a variant of rabies.) This also includes cases where the infection is from a parasite (many of the later Resident Evil games and of course The Last of Us are examples of this.) In these cases, destroying the brain stem (and, for that matter, destroying the brain) should be effective. The zombie is still propelled by using their nervous system. There's a bit of an exception in cases where the infection creates a second, parallel, nervous system in the victim, which can operate independently of the victim's original.

Living zombies became more popular in the 90s, and were extremely frequent in the mid-2000s. Most horror films that try to downplay the supernatural component, or look to play up the bio-hazardous nature of zombies, is likely to use some variant of these. (As mentioned earlier, a lot of these tend to behave like mutant strains of rabies. And, while it might sound like I'm being flippant here, rabies is a pretty terrifying virus.)

Living zombie apocalypses are, basically, impossible. There's the usual problem of asking how did the zombies actually get to critical mass? But even beyond that, eventually the infected would simply start dropping as their bodies decayed and the victims died. They'd still be a bio-hazard, but you wouldn't see waves of the undead pressing against the defenders' barricades.

If you want a much more detailed breakdown of the biology of various critters in pop culture (including a lot of zombies), Roanoke Gaming on YouTube is an excellent reference.

The other variety of zombie are far more rare in pop culture, and these are the actual revenants. Either they've been raised by some necromancer, or they're returning due to some other factor. Critically, these zombies are, truly, undead. Shooting them in the head might take it apart, but it's also quite likely that won't put them (back) down, as they're not actually using their original nervous system for anything meaningful. These kinds of zombies are far more threatening. In theory, things like extreme cold would cause further damage to these, but if the necromantic forces animating them don't care about the condition of the zombie, then having fingers or toes freeze off in cold weather, or setting them on fire, might not have the desired effects. You may need to resort to fully dismembering the corpses to get them to stop trying to kill you. (Note that these don't have to be, strictly, supernatural. The Dead Space series remains an excellent example of a non-magical zombie apocalypse of this variety, with some extremely “creative” uses of dead biomass.)

In the case of reanimated zombies, firearms are not a particularly great option for putting them down in general. The damage they inflict simply isn't relevant to destroying the undead. Firearms are designed to poke holes in people and get their body to spring a leak, but if something is already dead, that's probably not going to matter unless you're using the gun to deliver some other kind of payload.

-Starke

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[unsoundedcomic]

whats the incidence rate of prion diseases in kassyline? i've been wondering how the high ranking gefendur manage to avoid outbreaks of kuru when they ritualisticly eat human flesh every year

Kuru comes specifically from eating another human's infected brain. Gefendur don't eat twin brains in the modern era.

Cannibalism is probably iffy as a practise unless both parties are into that, but it's not as wildly unhealthy as pop culture has decided. Think about all the cannibal serial killers, the soccer team in the Andes that ate each other, the many cannibalistic cultures that have existed throughout our history. Stay away from brains, but a little human meat isn't necessarily deadly. Just eat your Wheaties too. Human meat is only one part of a balanced breakfast.

[scifimedic]

Hi! I just found your blog and noticed you have some posts where you explain how to write certain medical conditions, and I was wondering - could you perhaps do a post on blood poisoning, please? I am struggling with it a little lol.

I have a character that got stabbed, and I don't know what are the odds they could get blood poisoning and if yes, how fast and generally how it progresses.

If you don’t have time or something, don't sweat it, it's just a silly idea I got lol :D

Episode 4 of SciFiMedic Explains: How do I write sepsis?

Hi Anon!

So, your character got themselves stabbed, huh? Before we get to the nuts and bolts of how this is going to progress, we have to clear up a little choice of words here. 

The term blood poisoning is not the medically correct term for an infection inside the blood- we call it sepsis. Unless you meant literal poison from the weapon (which I can do a follow-up post on, if that’s the case) I’m going to guess that we’re talking about a severe, system-wide infection of the blood. 

Let’s walk through a few options: 

Scenario 1: 

Your character is stabbed in an area with lots of big blood vessels (highlighted red in diagram), and while everyone does all they can, the poor guy quickly dies of blood loss. There’s no time for infection to set in. 

Scenario 2: 

Your character is stabbed in a non-lethal area, like the arms, legs, or shallowly on the gut (highlighted green in diagram) They’re able to bandage themselves up, or maybe someone helps them out and they manage to get the bleeding stopped. 

Unfortunately, 12 hours later, they notice red streaking coming from around the wound. They also: 

Feel freezing cold, but have a high temperature

Are dizzy

Are shivering

Can’t quite catch their breath and feel the need to pant

Throw up

Look pale

These are all signs of the injury going septic, which is when the infection spreads away from the site of the wound and into the bloodstream. It happens fast. From the onset of these symptoms, they can be dead within only 12 hours. 

Here’s what needs to happen for them to survive: 

1: Hospital. No buts, no delay. If you want them to survive, they need advanced medical treatment, detailed below. (I will allow for a field hospital, or a makeshift hospital with a trained professional and plenty of supplies.) 

2: Blood and wound cultures. This means taking a small tube of blood from the arm, rubbing a cotton swab in the wound, and then sending both samples to the lab for study. They will smear the sample on a slide, put it in a warm, wet environment, and wait for it to grow out. Then, they’ll pop it under a microscope and run chemical tests on it to find out what the infection is. This process can take up to 4 days. The good news? The more pathogens that’s in the sample, the faster it will grow out. If you have blood that is severely infected, it could take as little as 12 hours to see results. (I know this from personal experience.) 

If you’re in a field hospital, unfortunately this is a luxury you don’t have. See next step. 

3: IV antibiotics immediately. Since you don’t know the bacteria causing the sepsis, you don’t know which antibiotic to give. Good news, people a lot smarter than I have created a plan for this. 

3a: According to this study done by the National Library of Medicine, 67.9% of people presenting outside a hospital setting had their wounds infected with either Staphylococcus aureus or Pseudomonas aeruginosa.  3b. Thankfully, we have two very strong antibiotics- Vancomycin and Ciprofloxacin- that can each treat these pathogens. Unfortunately, each antibiotic is effective against only one of these pathogens, and nearly useless (or has developed resistance) against the other one!  3c. Good news, these antibiotics can be safely run together. Boom, you’ve just slammed (and it’s a slam- these drugs are horrible for you long term) 67.9% of patients with the right antibiotics to start treating their sepsis.  3d. What about the other 32.1% you may be asking? Good news, they’re not doomed. Just because a given antibiotic isn’t the best choice against a certain pathogen, it doesn't mean it will be completely ineffective. You may be buying them more time for the cultures to come back. You can also take your next best guess, and switch the antibiotics after a few hours if they aren’t having any effect. 

4. Fluids. IV time! The biggest tell that someone has sepsis is that their blood pressure plummets to dangerous levels (which is what will eventually kill them, but we’ll get to that.) In order to prevent that drop, we need to raise the blood pressure by adding more volume to the blood through fluids. They might also need a blood transfusion, depending on how much blood they lost from the initial stab wound. 

It’s important to note that it may not be possible to gain IV access, because when the blood pressure is that low, the veins tend to shrivel up and disappear (not literally.) In that case, your next best option is an IO, which is a needle drilled into the center of the upper arm bone, or lower leg bone. Yes, it hurts. 

5. Vasopressors. Fancy name for medications that force the blood pressure to come up. There are four main pressors: 

Norepinephrine

Epinephrine

Phenylephrine

Vasopressin

They should be added in that order, although this article admits there isn’t too much hard evidence to back this up.

It’s important to note that this is ICU level care, and unless we’re in the middle of the woods, we will have transferred there.

How do you know if it’s time to add another pressor? You’re not getting the results you need- AKA the blood pressure is continuing to stay or fall too low. In the ICU, we use a different measure of blood pressure that most people aren’t as familiar with, called a MAP score. It’s easy, I promise. 

We use this method because it’s more representative of the amount of blood actually getting to the organs- though that is debated quite a bit in various circles. In America however, that’s the way most ICUs do it. 

The ultimate goal for a sepsis case is to have a MAP above 65 mmHg. You can use this calculator to play around with the numbers and see if the blood pressure you’re thinking is within those parameters. If it’s not, time for another pressor. 

At this point, your character is passed out most of the time. They’ve got a high fever, rapid heart beat, and are covered in sweat. They might also have a seizure from the fever and general stress on their body- at the very least they’ll be shaking from the chills. Their skin will be very, very pale, and might look kinda blue or gray in places- kinda like spots. 

6. Hold your breath. No, not literally. But at this point, you’ve done all you can and you have to wait for them to either get better, or get worse. 

If they get better, they’ll slowly start to maintain their own blood pressure, the fever will come down, and they’ll be able to string a coherent sentence together again. Recovery from sepsis can take a long, long time- as many as two to four months in the hospital. It totally depends on the person and how strong they are. The fittest, luckiest patient I’ve seen recover from sepsis was with us in the ICU for three weeks, then spent another month in a step down unit doing various therapies to regain strength. 

However… if we’re looking at failure… well, then it’s time to move onto scenario 3. 

Scenario 3: 

After completing all of the above steps, they end up getting worse. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault- sepsis is fickle and kills fast. At this point, their kidneys are starting to fail from the inadequate blood pressure- you’ll need dialysis for that. They might stop breathing, or be unable to oxygenate their blood properly, then they’ll need a ventilator. At this point, they’re not stable enough to go into surgery anymore, so there’s no hope there. Eventually, the high fever will cause seizures, which will lead very quickly to brain death. As little as 12 hours after the initial dizziness and red streaks, their heart stops and they’re pronounced dead. 

Summary: 

The odds of your character developing sepsis from a non-fatal stab wound without immediate medical care are high- 90% 

If they’re rushed to a hospital, their odds are better- 50%

If they do develop sepsis inside a hospital, they’re likley to survive- only 10.55% of people die of this kind of wound infection.

If they develop sepsis outside a hospital, then it’s almost certain they will die- 99% 

Disclaimer: Although I’m in school to become a medical professional, I’m not one yet. All mistakes are mine, and I’m always open to discussion.

Anon, this was a fun prompt! If this isn’t quite what you were looking for, feel free to submit another ask with more follow up questions!

Everyone else, also feel free to send me an ask, or reblog this (or any SciFiMedicExplains Episode) with a scene you’d like me to help you write!