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auncyen · 4 years ago

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So, my thoughts on bd2 so far (still not done) are both spoilery and...a little salty, so under a cut they go. I’ll get the good out of the way first.

BDII is pretty nice as a return to the brave/default battle system and asterisk system. The controls are pretty fluid (once I realized I could press zr to unbrave in the middle of commands lol). Music and visuals are both nice. THE CHARACTER THEMES ARE DISTINCTIVE AGAIN (I still like BD1′s set the most, but in BD2 I can tell you which theme is which character’s and uh. I wouldn’t be able to do that with b2nd’s). “A Hectic Moment” is very fun.

And then like. Both the story and parts of the game design are baffling to me. I was not surprised by the prologue feeling dry because. BD game. Partially because it was a BD game I half-expected Sloan to defy his death flag parade and simply be forced to retire due to a wound or something similar but ok, he died. And first chapter made me hopeful! I don’t care at all for Orpheus (even as “love to hate” he just ends up kind of “meh”) and Anihal and Bernard felt a bit one note at first, but the twist with Castor where it seemed like his flaw was prejudice and then it was oh no backstabber was good.

The maniacal laughter kind of ruined it a bit, but still, good. (On this note, Castor and ...pretty much every ch. 2 asterisk holder had me thinking for a while that the asterisks handed out by the woman might have been tampered with and were driving people nuts, but at this point, seems firmly not to be a case, Castor was ax-crazy on his own. Okay.) And a later flashback about Anihal and Bernard made me regret a bit that the latter had died.

But like also at this point I’m kind of concerned that there hasn’t been any inner party conflict. Or like.........internal doubts. Or anything.

Ch. 2 was initially a bit funny for everyone having The Accent but eventually I got properly into it and, yes, all three people grieving a lost child was pretty touching.

Screw those woods though and why is the institute set up like that??? I know this is an RPG but guys. Guys. they’re supposed to be brilliant at that institute, at least one person would have set up the bare minimum of a rope ladder so they didn’t have to deal with the nonsense in between floors.

And then there was Folie. Folie’s dungeon is AMAZING. Her job is good.

Her boss fight is utter bs when you’re punished for using two different mage jobs and the character in general is just.............idk. I kind of preferred Mona’s death being accidental because it seems rather odd for someone like Folie who does not seem particularly attuned to others’ emotions to be like “ah yes, let me kill zis little girl and zen all of these people will be emotionally vulnerable for me to give zem my paintings” --yes, I also hated the accent.

I am of the opinion that there is no bad VA in this game (thus far) but goodness, the direction some of them were given.

Ch. 3 was interesting intrigue wise and the reveal with Adelle was GREAT but it also hinged very heavily on this being a BD game, since they made it obvious from the start of the chapter that, hmm, there’s something funny about her. (Honestly my guess had been shapeshifting dragon, so I wasn’t quite surprised by her saving Martha, though I WAS a little surprised by Martha not SAVING HERSELF BY JUMPING AWAY BECAUSE SHE WAS A FREAKING DRAGOON.) The party’s surprise at this is dealt with very quickly. Elvis’ reaction is kind of cute but it also just...........seems to cement that there’s never going to be any inner-party conflict, and there doesn’t seem to be any internal character conflict either, so it’s kind of just. Guys. Pls. Something interesting.

Coming back to world design: this religion feels so dumb and poorly-designed (Martha is in DIRECT CONTACT WITH THE LORD OF DRAGONS BUT ISN’T TRUSTED TO KNOW HIS WISHES??? THE FAIRY TRIALS ARE A ‘TRADITION’ BUT ALL THE DRAGONS ARE COOL WITH ADELLE???) and why is their holy hall full of crumbling walls and is, in fact, the only place I’ve found so far to “smash rock”? Yes, it has been bugging me.

the highlight of ch. 4 was Lonsdale, because he might not be the most original character concept, but it was interesting to have an antagonist with morals who has a friendly drink with Seth and warning for him at the tavern. (Also Seth’s piss-poor job at pretending to be just recovered from a cough for all of one sentence. And, in my game, while wearing heavy armor.) The low point was finding out how absolutely pointless Adam is.

It’s just....been very mixed and somewhat mediocre with the story, and lbr bd and b2nd both had issues with story too, but bd had an endearing cast that b2nd heavily borrowed from. The BD2 warriors of light seem very obviously inspired by bd crew but Seth never grieves his lost crew or misses his hometown or shows any uncertainty about the question of him living again. Gloria welcomes Elvis and Adelle easily even though they’re both clear about working in self-interest and there are never any trust issues even when Adelle’s concealed identity is revealed.

I’m not saying they should have had the exact same issues (esp since Gloria didn’t have any set up for mistrusting fairies) but they don’t have ANY issues.

I may now be at a point where Gloria does have an issue but it’s just kind of...1) there should have been at least a couple tell-tale hints about this sooner, it could have been as subtle as the king of Halcyonia gently suggesting she consider the marriages which would have painted him first as possibly evil, then as possibly just sexist or out-of-touch, and then finally you realize oh he knew and was hoping they could find other solution and trying to get her to consider a future that wasn’t dying (I think he knows. or at least I hope because if they gotta do this every 200 years then Gloria????? who knows to pass this down???? were you gonna teach your traumatized companions the secrets of being a vestal-lite as you were dying? because you didn’t.) 2) it’s just kinda. too late. A part of me is checked out. I know there is more and that the bd-style tweeest is finally starting, but this was the end of ch. 5 and both the main crew and story just haven’t been that interesting. If this wasn’t a bd game and I hadn’t gotten impatient enough about wanting to know about one detail that I spoiled myself for it being a fake ending, there is a high chance that I would have watched the credits, gone “well, okay. that was the game” and just set it aside.

And then maybe a few days later gone “wait they never explained the book was it buried in some request” because there is SO MUCH buried in requests and reloaded the game, but yeah. I still wanna fill in the gaps of what I’m missing, but I’m probably going to be slowing my pace and I really doubt I’m going to be active in the fandom because none of the characters have really grabbed my interest that hard.

#my thoughts on bd2 are also apparently a wall of text #so. that's a warning #bravely default ii spoilers #salt

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tarotresearchresidency · 4 years ago

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tarot reading 28-10-20

Page of Cups (reversed), Seven of Pentacles (reversed), Strength

This week’s tarot readings pertain to domestic life and space.

The Page of Cups reversed returns in the same position as yesterday. Clearly the creative blockage, petulance and frustrations we have felt have made a deeper mark on us than we might have initially thought. A stubborn child will absolutely refuse to do whatever it is you ask of them, unless they want to. It’s deeply irritating when they won’t give way, but I’ve come to respect people who just say no, and stick to their guns about it. When combined with creative blockage as symbolised by the wacky Page reversed, this sounds like you’re trying to get things done, you’re trying to be productive, but your brain is digging its heels in and just saying no. You might be dragging yourself out of bed in the morning, flinging yourself about a park on your daily run, eating that healthy chia seed and yoghurt breakfast bowl, and sitting down to work hoping to finally crack whatever it is that you think you need to get done and.... nothing. Your brain isn’t playing ball.

Maybe one way to get round this is to actually attend to that creative blockage, which is, perhaps, your own self-imposed rule that you have to be productive all the time. In baking, you need to wait, either by chilling the dough overnight or leaving it to prove in a warm place. This gives your mixture time to luxuriate in itself, bond together so that it’ll stay in shape rather than splay out or scatter; form the glutinous bonds that make a sourdough so delightfully chewy. What if you actually throw your hands up to your stroppy inner child and give yourself some play time. Doodle with felt-tip pens. Go and bake something. Set a timer for fifteen minutes and read to yourself, out loud. Listen to the call coming from inside the house. There’s no point beating a dead horse (if that’s what we’re calling your poor exhausted brain). Send it out to pasture, where it can graze a while.

Indeed if you keep yourself chained to your desk or domestic routines when you can’t seem to muster up the energy or inspiration to get your tasks done, you’ll get demoralised. It’s like how lying in bed thinking about how you really need to get to sleep just keeps you awake. The Seven of Pentacles sees a young man leaning on his hoe and casting an eye over the garden over which he has toiled. It’s reversed here, which suggests that he’s been grinding away, head down, and it hasn’t given him the results he wanted. Maybe he’s spread his energy too thin, trying to do too much at once (A working allotment! Ornamental flower beds! Topiary! Zen pebbles!), and now he’s looking at all of these half-finished, poorly executed projects with dissatisfaction. Maybe he’s like Jean de Florette in the eponymous film, and he’s been breaking his back to make something work to no avail. If only he knew of the hidden spring that would irrigate everything and bring it to life. Maybe the Seven of Pentacles reversed just hasn’t found it yet.

Maybe he’s like Ugolin and César, Jean’s covetous neighbours, who look at others’ work and believe they should be the ones receiving those blessings. They think that the titular Jean, a newcomer to the village, should give up on his dream for a farm, and go back to the city where he belongs. This semi-reasonable grudge belies the fact that because they want the land that Jean has for themselves. We can see a parallel between our innermost selves (Jean) and our critics (Ugolin and César). Are you stopping yourself from really trying because you think your critics might disapprove? As Julia Cameron notes in The Artist’s Way, other people can get really upset when you take your life and creativity into your own hands. They are cross with you for having decided to change, for having the bravery to say no to the things you don’t like. They’re jealous of your fortitude, and feel like you’re showing them up for their laziness or cowardice. You know what you should say to them. I don’t need to tell you.

Sevens, in the tarot, are about how you deal with challenges. Coming straight after the Sixes, which signify harmony, the Sevens are about what happens after the happy ending. How do you weather the storm? Continue, of course. But adapt, too. You can’t sail through a squall in the same way you would when the water’s calm. Likewise, the Seven of Pentacles reversed is a reminder to consider whether everything you’re investing in is providing valuable returns. Who says you need to tough it out if it’s not getting you anywhere? Maybe you won’t get there the way you have been going; maybe it’s time to refresh your energies and apply yourself differently.

Overcoming these challenges is a necessary part of progression through life. Otherwise you’ll end up bitter and resentful of everyone else who took those steps forward, and full of self-loathing that you never did. Strength shows a maiden who has tamed a lion. They stand side by side, and she gently closes his mouth, while he looks up at her with trust. The maiden and the lion represent our higher powers, and our baser instincts. They work in tandem. The maiden has not beaten the lion down, tied him up or killed him. The lion is more ferocious than she is - going into battle with the lion and hoping to win is foolish. Instead she treats her baser instincts, the wildness, the passions, the appetites, with love. They are subdued by her generosity. If we imagine the Strength maiden to be our creative dreams, she has overcome the low, murky urges to procrastinate, to doubt, to savage oneself. She works with them. Maybe she even explores these in her creative projects, turns them inside out so that their power can be tamed. Again, it’s about listening to the call coming from inside the house. Where in your home life do you struggle? What can you do to make those situations easier? Give yourself what you want, for a change. This is how you’ll master your raging desires.

#tarot #tarot reading #tarot cards #strength #page of cups #seven of pentacles #the artist's way #julia cameron #jean de florette

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mysticmikalla · 6 years ago

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honestly i do like rika and i wanted to see her get some sort of redemption arc. but not where she gets away with everything scot free lmao what?? and i respect other people's opinions on her, so if they wanted to judge her, they should have been able to without looking like a whole ass bitch. and I'm not even overly fond of V, but i was just as confused as to why he was only there for 3% of his own after ending. i liked the idea of Rika getting better, but it was handled in such a poor way oof

YOU ARE SO VALID

I never wanted Rika to suffer a cruel end, I just wanted her t pay for her crimes and hopefully get sent to an institution that can help her. But what you said is so true, it was handled so poorly. Her DLC felt almost like it was rewriting her ENTIRE character and interactions and thoughts. I know Cheritz is the canon maker here but it felt SO out of character

Same with the After Ending. She should not have escaped all the legal trouble she was in, even if everyone ended up forgiving her in the end (which I also doubt? Like honest to GOD i can’t see Jumin forgiving someone who hurt his best friend’s eyes, STABBED HIM IN AN ATTEMPTED MURDER, hurt and manipulated him, his friends and everyone he cared about. Same with Zen, I don’t see him forgiving Rika and I’d pay good money to see one (1) side eye from Jaehee during this whole thing. DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON SAEYOUNG FORGIVING RIKA what the fuk. The only ones I can see forgiving her are V and Yoosung, but even that was a stretch.) I think Cheritz was trying to hard to give everyone a happy ending, and while I appreciate it, and appreciate the Chois reuniting, it was poorly done and written

#Anonymous

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simmancy · 7 years ago

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Relationships Ask Game

@volcanopasta is sad that tumblr rudely ate her ask, and so am I, SO

EVERYTHING FOR SADDY ✩

Previously Done Questions: sex, family, affection

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

Maddy’s most likely to start a disagreement off, and Maddy’s most likely the one to raise her voice first.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

I could see Tabasco threatening and not being strong enough to.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

In this case, it would be Maddy. If he breaks her heart, she goes.

Who trashes the house?

Maddy–actually, both of them might do this. I can see Tabasco punching the wall.

Do either of them get physical?

not with each other–no, no I don’t think Maddy would ever let anyone touch her that way. If they did, she would leave immediately. But like I said, I could see Tabasco punching a hole in the wall; I could see Maddy throwing something in anger.

How often do they argue/disagree?

real arguments? Not too often (Tabasco would be… whipped), but playful ones…. The banter is real, and Maddy’s feisty (which is part of the appeal).

Who is the first to apologise?

you know, I’m not sure. I think Maddy, though.

Sleeping

Who snores? If both do, who snores the loudest?

Tabasco, and he’s loud.

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?

I can’t imagine someone looking at Maddy and not wanting to share her bed, so. You know.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

cozy up. I think Tabasco’s probably one of those people who constantly run warm, and Maddy would seek that out. She likes to be cozy haha

Who talks in their sleep?

Maddy Moon, a Pastille through and through. I could see Tabasco attempting to hold conversations with sleeptalking Maddy, too.

What do they wear to bed?

nothing~. jk, Maddy wears nothing as an adult; Tabasco wears a t shirt and boxers, usually.

Are either of your muses insomniacs?

Tabasco sleeps poorly.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

maybe as adults, Tabasco. Maddy still tries more natural methods to sleep.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

I think it’s more that Tabasco wraps his arms around Maddy, tbh.

Who wakes up with bed hair?

Maddy has more hair, so….

Who wakes up first?

mm… Tabasco, I think. Probably might watch her sleep a little too, the creep |D (and by creep I mean, he has a moment to himself where he can go, “wow, look at this girl, this is my girl. I am lucky. she’s mumbling about weird things. still love her.”)

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

Maddy might on occasion.

What is their favourite sleeping position?

“My favorite position–uh, probably–” “Not that kind of position, this isn’t that category.” “Oh. I don’t know, then.”

Who hogs the sheets?

the perpetually cold Maddy Moon

Do they set an alarm each night?

Maddy does. Tabasco is prone to oversleeping as a teen, sets an alarm as an adult.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?

definitely. How else are they gonna watch their shows?

Who has nightmares?

Maddy is more prone to nightmares than she wants him to believe. Unfortunately, the sleep talking tends to like… reveal that. No secrets this year, Maddy Moon.

Who has ridiculous dreams?

also Maddy Moon. She’s a mess. Don’t tell anybody.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

TABASCO. Like, Maddy also does this, but he’s bigger and stronger and she struggles to fight for bed space, unless she just curls up right next to him like a cat. Then he’s defenseless

Who makes the bed?

Maddy. She’ll make the bed over his lifeless body, she don’t give a fuck.

What time is bed time?

Maddy tries to sleep at a regular time, 10 PM as an adult, before midnight as a teen (sneaking out nonwithstanding). Tabasco sleeps…. whenever.

Any routines/rituals before bed?

I’ve pretty much detailed Maddy’s routine, so let’s try Tabasco.

…NSFW, he’s a dude, he probably takes care of Business to help get him sleepy. Other than that, looking at stuff on his phone, watching TV, trying to find ways to go to sleep and not working. Laying awake staring at the ceiling totally not thinking of pretty Maddy girls or boys or whatever.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

Tabasco, probably. Poor sleeper to begin with, so.

Work:

Who is the busiest?

guess that depends!

Who rakes in the highest income?

Tabasco, as adults.

Are any of your muses unemployed?

mmm. no. if kids are involved, Maddy takes time off while they’re young, but she’s never fully unemployed.

Who takes the most sick days?

Maddy’s known to take mental health days, on occasion. Tabasco…. doesn’t.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?

You know what, I’ll say this about both of them–they’re not the show up late type, not where money is involved.

Who sucks up to their boss?

Tabasco, definitely. Gotta keep his job to provide~

What are their jobs?

mmm. spoilers for the future.

Who stresses the most?

Maddy just pretends to be zen. She’s actually an anxious mess about like, everything.

Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

overall… yes. the enjoy their careers. I think Tabasco might want more, but.

Are your muses financially stable?

for the most part. I think money for the Pastille-Sauces would be tighter, over all, than any of the other eventual ends for Maddy… because both of them are prone to spending.

Home:

Who does the washing?

Maddy~ domestic princess (best princess), who finds it relaxing. Tabasco actually does help with this chore, though. Mostly because if any money is left in his pockets it becomes Maddy’s and like, no.

Who takes out the trash?

"the kid, I guess” “we don’t have a kid, Tabasco.” “then it must be you, Princess.”

Who does the ironing?

Maddy refuses to buy an ironing board, so. No one.

Who does the cooking?

the daughter of the pancake-loving, classically trained chef.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

Tabasco could burn water.

Who is messier?

Tabasco literally hangs out in a murder barn.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty?

Tabasco’s such a dude, he completely forget every time. If there wasn’t a Maddy to remind him, it’d stay empty until the next time he #2s.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

"I’m not leaving them there, they’re just being stored” - Tabasco.

Who forgets to flush the toilet?

Maddy, sometimes. She somehow never fails to remind Tabasco, though.

Who is the prankster around the house?

def Maddy–she’s definitely Ries’ daughter.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

ooooooh. Maddy probably does more often–I imagine Tabasco would keep his on him most of the time, and then be smart and immediately hang them up when he gets home. He cares about his car. Maddy believes the car is just a tool, basically.

Who mows the lawn?

no lawn to mow~

Who answers the telephone?

Maddy, usually. I can imagine Tabasco picking the phone and just… hanging it up immediately.

Who does the vacuuming?

the roomba!

Who does the groceries?

Maddy drags Tabasco out with her after he complained she didn’t get such-and-such one time. That way, if he’s gonna complain he only has himself to blame.

Who takes the longest to shower?

Maddy, for cleaning herself - Tabasco just hangs out using up the hot water, though.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?

Overall–Maddy, at least managing her hair. She starts wearing her hair naturally as an adult, but it still takes time.

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem?

As teens - somewhat. Because they’re children hahaha. Maddy doesn’t have a real job, and Tabasco only works in the summer.

As adults - it’s better; Tabasco works for his money and is proud of that. Maddy is as well. I was about to give an answer as if it was like… Teenage Runaway AU. Even if they did run away together (and I imagine it comes up in Tabasco’s mind often), they’d return home to PB Bay in the end.

How many cars do they own?

Just the one! But it’s a car Tabasco’s proud of.

Do they own their home or do they rent?

Own, and proud of it.

Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside?

PB Bay, so coast.

Do they live in the city or in the country?

PB Bay, so like…. in between?

Do they enjoy their surroundings?

Mmm…. For the most part. I think Maddy yearns for more, in this scenario.

What’s their song?

Maddy’s song for Tabasco: one (you know which song this is)

Tabasco’s song for Maddy: one (and two, though in some ways it fits them both)

here’s one that makes me laugh, for reasons. anything else is pretty spoilery.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

cry Maddy’s pretty self-sufficient, to be honest, she doesn’t need to be attached at the hip to anybody.

Where did they first meet? How did they first meet?

As children–in school, on the playground? Everyone in PB Bay kind of just knows each other.

When did they first actually meet each other and start talking like human beings? Camp Gnomewhere.

Who spends the most money when out shopping?

Maddy…. Definitely Maddy. Usually on useless crap. But Tabasco’s not much better (he just likes Quality ™ items).

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?

their “assets”? Maddy haha

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

Tabasco, and then he feels terrible, but then he doesn’t.

Any mental issues?

Madeleine Moon “I’m only a hop, skip, and a jump away from falling apart” Pastille? Issues? Noooo…….

Who’s terrified of bugs?

MADDY! Squeamish bb. Not that Tabasco is a fan of creepy-crawlies either, but….

Who kills the spiders around the house?

Tabasco! Maddy…. is Maddy, and someone’s gotta be strong for her.

Their favourite place?

Murder Barn I guess

Who pays the bills?

Maddy’s the one who remembers to pay things on time.

Do they have any fears for their future?

definitely, can answer this for the teen years especially.

Tabasco’s afraid that Maddy’ll realize he’s the worst. He thinks he’s the worst too, surprise surprise (and in some ways, he is; but he does care about her, and he does try his best).

Maddy’s afraid that he genuinely is the worst–that it’s all a ploy to get her to put out or something.

In the adult version of this–Tabasco’s afraid that they’ll become his parents specifically (so, a different version of the worst).

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?

mmm… if they’re going out, I’d say Tabasco–he’s really not much of a cook, after all. But if it’s a fancy, homemade dinner, that’s all on Maddy.

Who uses up all of the hot water?

Tabasco. Maddy appreciates a warm shower, but he likes it hot.

Who’s the tallest?

Tabasco–I have to grab my height note sometime, but I listed Maddy as being about 5′5″, and Tabasco as 6′1″.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

Maddy’s much more likely to stick her head over the top and try to scare him before hopping in, tbh.

Who wanders around in their underwear?

both of them, one of them on purpose when its just them. what are clothes anyway???

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

Maddy sings along with the radio even when she doesn’t realize.

What do they tease each other about?

”Princess”

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

To be honest, they’re both pretty… trendy? Tabasco secretly enjoys dressing well, and Maddy enjoys dressing him up too so.

Do they have mutual friends?

I would say…. Before dating, Tabasco didn’t necessarily have real, close friends. He had teammates (dude bros), and there were the Heathers, but within PB Bay? Not too many friends. Maddy came with a built-in support system, which he co-opted. (minus OJ–maybe in the future?)

Who crushed first?

Tabasco–after all, have you seen Maddy? She’s pretty, and she was out of reach…… until she wasn’t (Camp Gnomewhere). And of course–feisty. Maddy doesn’t back down from a fight. A lot to admire there. “Princess” is just his type. (additionally–he too went to the Snow Ball, I’m sure he saw The Dress, that’s just…. I think everyone had a crush on her after that).

…Maddy didn’t consider him as anything til Camp, and not even until they had been talking privately. Like, literally that scene from Beauty and the Beast. There was something there that wasn’t there before.

Any alcohol or substance related problems?

as of right now, in the timeline, no–future, maybe? Who knows?

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?

Tabasco, definitely. He’s bad about… self-medicating, let’s say. And he does like to drink.

Maddy might do the same once or twice. Especially with him.

Who swears the most?

MADELEINE MOON. You’d THINK it’d be Tabasco, right? But no. Definitely Maddy…. especially around him. He likes it, though–seeing her be rough around the edges haha.

And of course, here is the picture spam you really want

though of course…. no details. just adult versions of them. and no full-on baby picture, sorry!

having played in this save the tiniest bit - Baby Girl Pastille-Sauce is spoiled by her father…. she is a daddy’s girl. They got stuck in a hug loop, and she autonomously kept asking him to play. It was pretty cute. They’re…. really cute. I took way more pictures than I should have.

Also:

someone has his priorities right in this save smdh.

#ask game #ask #pp extra

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ncpdpuppy · 7 years ago

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Maggie Headcanons

Because for some reason I’ve never done one of these.

Having someone massage/scratch her scalp or play with her hair is a big weakness, and a surefire way to end most pointless arguments/protests. You will wind up with a puddle of Maggie draped across you.

Along the same line of thinking, Maggie loves to play with her SO’s hair. Most of the time she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it until it’s pointed out.

Don’t let her badass exterior fool you, beneath it is the sappiest romantic at heart, she just...hasn’t quite remembered how to express that part of herself.

Her thing with bonsai is more then just keeping a few trees around. It’s a full blown obsession, and if she had enough money she’d probably have a damn greenhouse full of them.

To add to that, it’s not just keeping them that she likes, it’s rescuing poorly kept ones and nursing them back to health as well. Some stores just don’t know how to properly keep the poor little trees.

The act of fixing up and caring for her bonsai is a form of meditation for Maggie, something desperately needed after a bad day at work. The daily maintenance is monotonous enough to allow her to zone out a bit while working, giving her the zen she craves.

Maggie can dance. Really, really well. Back in the academy she needed something to boost her stamina, keep her limber, and keep her fit. Most went to the gym, but that was far too boring for Maggie. On the way home from a day at the academy she saw a flier for a dance class and had a ‘Fuck it, why not’ moment.

That ‘Fuck it, why not’ moment led to years of dance classes, and while she doesn’t go full time anymore due to her heavy work load, she still dances at home and drops in on the classes when she can.

The holidays as a teen were extremely hard for Maggie. After being kicked out for being gay she lost about 90% of her family, and so did her Aunt for taking her in. There were no more big family Christmas dinners with little cousins underfoot, no more Thanksgiving get togethers at different Sawyer houses, no New Years parties where all the little cousins (her included) tried their hardest to stay up for the count down before falling asleep in a pile on the living room floor.

Holidays now consisted of her Aunt working to be able to support them both, and small little dinners in an all too quiet apartment trying to keep up the holiday cheer. Still, it was far better then most had it, which Maggie found out while spending a holiday at a local youth center while her Aunt worked a double shift.

From that, stemmed a new family tradition for Maggie and her Aunt. Volunteering at a toy drive, or at the Youth Center on -or near the holidays if her Aunt had to work-

Years later, Maggie still volunteers at the toy drive and the Youth Center, both to keep her Aunt close despite the distance and to make sure someone’s holidays are just a little bit brighter like her Aunt tried her hardest to do for her.

Maggie detests being carried for the most part. Being the token Smol at her middle and highschool meant dealing with all manner of jocks hoisting her up at random times to either prove their strength, or laugh when she squealed. She was also dropped a few times when they weren’t strong enough -or a flailing limb hit something sensitive-. Both the continual lack of consent and her being dropped some of the time has lead to her nearly having a panic attack when someone she doesn’t know or doesn’t trust picks her up in any way, shape, or form.

Even when she trusts a person, she’ll still tense up quite a bit upon initially being picked up, and only relax if the person’s grip is solid and she trusts their strength.

Despite all this, ironically, she loves being held and/or carried when she finds the right person, typically her SO. To be able to trust someone so completely with her body is intoxicating, and having a steady set of arms around her that she knows won’t drop her is usually enough to get her to go limp and just enjoy the embrace and warmth surrounding her.

When flustered or running high on emotions she will occasionally slip into Spanish fully, or mangle her dialogue with a mix of English and Spanish. This includes but isn’t limited to; sex, her or someone she cares for nearly dying, intimate conversations with an SO, big romantic events (first I love you’s, anniversaries, proposals, wedding day, pregnancy -both the announcement and if she’s the one pregnant-, births, etc.), or anger.

I will add more when I think of them. Enjoy!

#Off Duty [Ooc]#From the jacket of Detective M. Sawyer [About Maggie]#[Headcanons]

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mysmetheatre · 7 years ago

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If you don't mind angst, and it's totally okay if you don't want to do this, but ive been having a little bit of a rough time lately, so can you do rfa + v comforting MC after she comes out as gay to her grandparents and they take it… about as well as she expected ^^;; (very poorly) like I said you don't have to write this if you don't feel inspired for it, anyways have a great day :)

I hope things look up for you, anon. I know it’s tough coming out to family, especially when you know they won’t take it well. I still haven’t come out to my family for that exact reason. You are so, so brave anon. I wish I could be brave like you ❤️

YOOSUNG

First off, he had no idea you were gay

So that was a bit of a surprise first

But when you told him your grandparents didn’t take it well, he felt awful

His heart truly reached out to you

He was determined to make you feel even a little bit better

He always feels better when he takes his mind off things

So he offers to do just that for you

You try to decline but he insists

Then you two are playing LOLOL together

It does help you for awhile

But all good things must come to an end

He feels bad he couldn’t help you for longer

You tell him you did feel a bit better though, knowing you had such amazing friends who would do this for you

He reminds you that the whole RFA would comfort you in their own way

Recommends going to Jaehee or Zen if you wanted to talk about it, himself or Saeyoung if you wanted to get your mind off it, and Jumin if you wanted literally anything else (like retail therapy, going on a vacation, etc)

JAEHEE

She’s proud of you for coming out in the first place

She has no idea what emotions you must be feeling

Offers to talk about it over a cup of coffee (or whatever beverage of choice)

You’re relieved to have somebody to at least talk about this with

Especially in person

Jaehee listens to you very intently while you two drink your beverages

She reminds you time and time again that she’s proud and that you’re brave and she would be your friend regardless of sexuality

That makes you feel a whole lot better

Having friends like her make you feel less bad about having the grandparents you have

Jaehee tells you the whole RFA feels the same way as her

Nothing you could be or do would make them want to stop being friends with you

They’re always there to help you work through it

ZEN

Like Jaehee, he is so proud of you

He knows how hard it is to have family who don’t accept you for who you are

He admires your bravery for telling them even though you knew how they would take it

You two share your hurt together and you both feel a weight lift off your shoulders from being able to talk to someone who gets it

Of course, you two have very different struggles

But the way people have reacted is the same and you two can share that

Zen reminds you that family is who you choose, not who you’re born with

The RFA is your family now, if you would have them

He tells you on the behalf of the whole RFA that they’ll always be there and will always love you, no matter what

You cry. A lot.

Zen holds you, lets you cry, gives you tissues and such

Lets you fall asleep on his couch

He’s so proud of you

JUMIN

Poor man doesn’t quite know how to handle feelings

Nonetheless he listens to yours very intently

He tells you that if you need anything all you need to do is ask for it

You ask for some of his amazing strawberry pancakes

He gladly makes them for you

You kind of stress eat

He doesn’t mind doing anything in the world for you, you’ve always been so kind to him

If you ever needed anything at all he would help you to the best of his abilities

And if that wasn’t enough he would find someone who could help you better than he could

He doesn’t need to say all that of course

You already know this

He would turn the world on its head if it made you happy

He tells you that, while the RFA doesn’t have the abilities he has, they would definitely try to help you as well

They’re always there for each other

SAEYOUNG

Much like Yoosung, he tries to get your mind off it

He takes you for a ride in one of his precious babies

You drive to one of his favorite spots

Then just sit in the car, watching the sky and the city

He tells you a lot of things

Some of it doesn’t matter or is just to keep your mind from wandering

You weren’t sure if it was true either, but it did help

He tells you why this spot is his favorite

But that’s just between the two of you

He takes your hand and looks into your eyes

He tells you that no matter what, the RFA would never abandon you

You start crying and he just smiles softly

He knows those tears are a mix of sadness about your family and gratefulness towards the RFA

He drives you home

He never would’ve thought you’d come to him with this

You tell him everything and he comforts you for awhile

Then he asks if you would allow him to do a little photo shoot with you right now

You tell him you’re not really camera ready, what with the crying and all

He assures you that he wants to capture the raw emotion

And he does

The pictures he takes of you are beautiful even though you’d been crying

He lets you continue to talk while he does this

He doesn’t want you to pose or anything, just keep talking

When he’s done, he starts to print the pictures

He gives one to you, one where you’re smiling just a bit because of something he said, but there are still visible tears

“Take this one, so you remember that you can always smile through the pain. And when you’re feeling better about all of this, come again so I can take pictures of your happiness. It’s all worth it in the end, MC, I promise.”

You take the picture and give him a very tight hug and thank him

The picture does help you in the future

You look at it whenever you feel down

And you remember what V said

A year or so later, you come back for that happy photo shoot

He tells you happiness suits you

#mm req #Anonymous #mm hc #mysme #mystic messenger #yoosung kim #zen #saeyoung choi #v #jaehee kang #jumin han

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pearlcrysta · 7 years ago

Text

How I Create Fanfiction Using MysMe as Example (Method and Advice)

I am not coming close as a great writer.

Fanfictioning is purely done for my own enjoyment and amusement whenever i fall in love deep, DEEP, with a story, char, setting etc, whether it’s related to anime or other works of fiction. Ideas keep clinging onto my brain and those ideas need their release onto either an art medium or writing.

Anywho, probably a long ass text coming here, so here I present to you the steps my brain takes in order to regurgitate writing content. I’ll be using my Night-Owl Romance hiatus fanfic as an example for some steps. If you don’t wanna read all the text, just look at the bold letters.

PREPARATORY STEPS

1) First of all, as a general rule to have in mind before starting, it is NOT ENOUGH to see an anime or read a book/manga only ONCE and then establish a story based on your first impressions. I mean, you could - but you would surely miss out on a lot of info and context about the characters you wish to play with and not realize the full depth of their impact within the story. Or why they might do questionable things or actions u may not understand the first time.

For a game like Mystic Messenger, it’s important for you to have gone through all routes a few times and then keep on researching about the character you wish to base your subject on. If you don't have that much time on your hand to be thorough, then it's ok. XD But it's a recommendation if you want to strive to have less OOC'ness in your writing.

(OOC = Out of Character)

In my case, I chose to focus the story around the developing relationship between MC and Zen (slow, SLOW romance) and his route is not nearly enough to establish the complexity of his char and the dynamics he has with the other members. For example, if I’d have stuck with just his route and had not gone through them all, then I’d probably DISLIKE Jaehee quite a lot and confuse her with a jealous fan/girlfriend and not realize the level of rudeness Zen can have against Jumin - even without being provoked. Zen really doesn’t like being around Jumin, always seeing him in a bad light. Like, I love this handsome actor, but sometimes he can be a big jerk.

A major plus is if you manage to get the call cards, in order to reach out to the RFA members – extra content is given there too. ^^

2) Research is vital because it can help you better understand the complexity of the character. Not only the events in the game, but real life situations too.

Research a bit about Korean lifestyle !!!

You can find a lot of subtle things you might have missed - or unsubtle ones.

a) In Zen’s route, you’ll realize that Jaehee is actually looking up to his wellbeing and trying to protect the actor from career-ending scandals. Jealousy is not the issue. Jaehee doesn’t hate the MC, but is weary of her intentions of dating Zen because it can ruin his dream if the relationship comes into the spotlight.

In Korea, celebrities dating can become a huge, huge PR disaster if handled poorly. Career ending even, to the point even idol groups can disband over one such scandal and you ruin not just your own life, but other people as well who depend on this job to survive. Some people train their youth away and have such a moment ruin all they've built...

It's just horrible.

b) The boys asking you constantly whether you ate or not is not them thinking you are a dumbass adult who cannot feed yourself and need a protective mother to remind you day, after day. It’s almost mechanically said to you, like how people ask someone “How are you?”, but not necessarily asked out of intense care of your wellbeing. It's just a habit that requires “I’m fine” even if not meant to be true. In the eating case, one usually expects “Yes, I ate.” as answer.

c) Kimchi is not the only korean food. Try to explore other parts of their cuisine if you are mentioning foods.

d) I don’t think cereals are that common to eat in the morning there. Like SUPER common. Or waffles. Or peanut butter and jelly on bread.

... Or bread.

Rice is the equivalent of westerners’ bread in terms of importance in a meal.

e) Driving can become an 'interesting' experience in Korea. I've seen many Youtubers living in Seoul that point out the chaos on the streets thanks to reckless drivers that rush through traffic like there's no tomorrow.

So when Zen is out on his motorcycle, people can only become super worried about his safety for a good reason. Especially since he had a nasty accident in the past, it can always repeat itself due to the unsafe conditions on the road sometimes. And humans are squishy beings, so if a car hits you on a bike while you aren't wearing proper outfit protection then... RIP.

f) and many other.

3) Make sure you got the essence of the plot figured out and pin point any storytelling holes or flaws you may notice within the canon story.

It is highly recommended that you note down these observations or questions you may have about what’s going on in this story. You may even use these particular things to help you create the intro of your story. ^o^

Ex: Find a logical reason why MC would so willingly ignore the ‘stranger-danger’ factor at the beginning of the story. ((Daredevil MC? Lulz, sure, you could try this angle, but I’d question how she survived unharmed so far.))

Or why she has food, water, clothing in an apartment where she is supposedly stranded within, unable to leave. Or...is she unable to leave it?

Or where are her parents and why is nobody worried about her missing?

Does she have a workplace? Is she a student at school? Homeless?

A lot to interpret ^^

4) Plan your plot points, but don’t overdo it or sob when plans change while writing.

I don’t really plan chapters ahead much, since I tend to change my mind a lot about things. It depends on my mood and emotions. But it is important to set goals for the near future to reach for your story --- like, you may want X event to happen in Day 1 or Y action on Day 2.

And from these thoughts, you can start sketching situations that can lead your char up to the desired points.

But the road to X or Y can change and not remain static. Heck, even the Y event can happen in another moment of time --- the planning doesn’t have to be a rigid one and must be open to changes, befitting the flow of the story. If an idea you wanted badly to write in a chapter doesn’t seem like it fits in a spot anymore...

Then, don’t put it in. It’s simple as that.

I personally have over 60 pages worth of content of Night-Owl Romance that are unusable because I kept going in different directions than what I had initially wanted.

Ex: For my story, I really wanted MC to have moments where she’d interact with the RFA outside the messenger. But I still wanted MC to meet up with Zen - officially, make him be the one she meets the first properly.

Close-encounters scenarios were fun to add and, at one point, I even wanted MC to see Zen rehearse on stage, without him realizing it was her in the crowd, watching him from the side. Pages about her reactions while seeing Zen on stage were later on discarded. Because I was stuck. It would have caused a nasty rift between them if he was to discover that MC had not bothered to greet him after rehearsals.

I did not want them to have their first official meeting there.

But I DID want MC to go to his workplace.

So I used a trope, to have MC leave the theater without attending the actual rehearsals as a member of the audience, thus the girl remained completely unaware that Zen was working there. And the reason why she did not see him perform was because she would have felt uncomfortable being surrounded by the people in the audience, whom she'd known from her time in University.

They did not get along.

5) Try to write characters in a way that doesn't surpass the boundaries of OOC’ness (Your own characters included). To avoid the OOCD (Out of Character Disease), try to make notes about the chars you will write about. Or just keep in mind certain personality traits and you should do fine. In the case of Mystic Messenger, I often use info online about the characters from their data book, wikia, chats etc and create mini summaries about them.

...

Lol, not really creating mini summaries, since I can remember small stuff, here and there, but if you aren't the type to hold up a lot of info and are forgetful about details, you can write them down in order to ease your work.

Here's an example ^o^:

Jumin – uses a lot of formal language. And only when being quite tipsy with wine may he become less rigid in speaking online. Even 'funny', depending on his soured mood caused by the distress he may have with his father and the women he is dating.

Jaehee – also uses formal language, but somehow it seems to me that she drops into informal tones when she goes in her fangirling mode about Zen. Or when she points out why Yoosung cannot find a girlfriend, (Lolz, poor guy) Or when she points out things she finds wrong about Luciel (name included)

Yoosung – uses a lot of informal language.

He is traumatized by the loss of Rika, but not to the point he can't go a second without mentioning her to the MC. ^^;;; I think some fanfics can tone it down with the Rika, and just write glimpses from time to time. Like, if MC is really hardworking, he may do some parallels and notice similarities – at the same time, acknowledge the differences. For example:

Rika seemed like a serene, wise being, almost like an idol for Yoosung.

MC in Yoosung's route seems a bit more... grounded. Like he doesn't put MC on such a steep pedestal.

Zen – also, more on the informal spectrum of speech, unless he is talking to directors, producers etc.

His narcissism stems from the fact that he wants to be acknowledged by the world and recognizes that he has the potential to be seen and reach greatness in his craft. At the same time, this has become a double edged blade for the actor, since many ppl offer him work that rely on his looks more than skills. Or people like to shove away all his hardwork and point out how he could never had achieved this without his good looks and body.

Basically, his skills are overshadowed by his handsome features a lot of time.

Which is why he doesn't like modeling jobs very much, or that was the impression he gave. When a folklore group wanted him to wear a hanbok for a shooting, Zen refused. When Jumin offers him money for contracts that make good use of his looks, rather than talent – he refuses.

His route's deep flaw: he falls in love too easily with the MC.

Realistically, if MC was a despicable human, Zen would be trapped in a hurtful relationship if she were a manipulative ****. Which shows how lonely and desperate for companionship he truly is at times – 5 years without having someone to share his life with, must be difficult.

707/Luciel – first impression: he is bat-shit crazy, but in a fun way. Cosplayer, so must be good with costumes and make-up. Perfect Trap, who makes people question their gender preferences. (Lolz, I can imagine this to be so true).

He probably had to learn to go undercover as both throughout his days as a secret agent.

His speech is informal and secretly-mocking, especially when he's talking this way towards his superiors. Really, in Korean culture, if you speak informally to someone higher ranking than you at your workplace and you aren't necessarily best of buddies --- you are branded as a rude ass **** and can even lose your job. And the potential to find other jobs if you pissed off the wrong people.

So, 707 plays with a lot of fire and knows he is THAT important to his organization – it's enough to have them accept his flaws.

- second impression: Saeyoung: Well, the funny guy was just a persona he uses to mask his deeper, , hurt and raw self. But that doesn't mean the funny, quirky personality was all just a lie, even if he tries to tell MC this in his own route – more, to me it seems like 707 is the person he wished he could be day, after day. And not the secret agent who may have killed people in the past or helped his organization in missions to achieve such cruel things.

We can only imagine these things ^^

Serious Saeyoung seems more formal in speech, compared to his 707 persona.

- third impression: I think that after the story unfolds with the whole Saeran thing, who is back into Saeyoung's life, the red head's personality becomes a mixture of both with the fall of his organization. He still has quirky, crazy moments, but is more freely expressing himself. Especially with MC, adding jokes here and there when he is in lovey-dovey moments.

V – is incredibly formal and super respectful, more so than Jumin, to the point he overly apologizes for things he had no control over, but considers himself to be solely to blame. ;=;

6) Don’t be afraid to give your characters flaws. Keep a balance of skills vs. flaws and try to stick to it in a realistic manner. (Of course, there's always room to improve one's flaw or skills, but – same thing – keep it realistic)

Also, canon characters aren't superheroes – Mystic Messenger ones aren't superheroes, they are humans with their own limitations. Don't give them God-mode unless you do it in LOLOL.

7) It's OK to imagine your own reactions regarding certain situations in life and write them down from the perspective of your char. If it fits.

Same thing when writing happy scenes or emotionally sad ones – if your mood reflects the vibe of the story you wish to convey, you can portray it better. This, however, doesn't mean u can't write a sob story when your life is all sunshine and rainbows.

This is why humans have imagination ^^

Just picture how you felt when hearing saddening news or when you had a moment you were not feeling cheerful. Step in your characters' shoes and imagine how you'd have felt in her/his situation.

I also change my music playlist if I cannot write a certain feeling down – it usually improves it. ^^

8) Don't worry about choosing a title/chapter names.

You’ll come up with one as you start planning the plot you wish to pursue in your story. Sure, a catchy title can make people wanna start reading your fic, but if your story is boring and goes nowhere, then don’t expect much feedback even if your title and story summary are engaging and make people curious. (I should listen to this advice too TwT)

For example: In my MysMe story, Zen x MC pairing, I wanted most of their chats and conversations to take place during nighttime. Or, at least the ones where they bond more closely together.

And what do you call insomniacs who cannot sleep at night? Night-owls.

What do I want to happen between Zen and MC? Romance.

Story title: Night-Owl Romance (ikr, very creative, but it's a decent title. TwT)

And the same mindset I have with chapter names too. I see what is dominant there and then try to summarize it in a title. Sometimes it fits, other times it's just weird.

Also, my Insomniacs, Insomniacs Second, Insomniacs Third etc --- i choose these titles for certain chapters from my fic in order to help me remember what Day is in the story. ^^;;;;; Needless to say, I needed a better system since I mixed up the days LOL.

9) I love cliffhangers. You should as well. OwO

Cliffhangers are basically a device that fanfic writers use in order to make sure that their engaging audience keeps being curious about the following chapters and want to find more. Feed in their addiction to know what will happen and if the outcome will go to their imagination.

ACK!!! Is everything going to be ok??? 8D!!!

But, also, try not to be sadists with your cliffhangers.

10) Synonyms are your friends. So are linking words (connectors). So are online dictionaries. And spell check.

Example: but – however, yet, nonetheless, nevertheless, still, though, although.

Already you can stop using all these but(t)s in your writing by just replacing the over usage of one word with a similar one. Every time you see a word being repetitive to the max in a text that's not even 2000 words long, you should really, REALLY check whether it has a synonym or not. Because it can become quite tiresome to read after a while.

I personally use thefreedictionary website.

11) Don't over explain things in your writing (like I do)

Try to alternate between dialogue and texts as much as you can. Offer variety. Try to stay relevant and not stray far away from the plot points you wish to achieve by including 32432464 scenes and scenarios that might make readers forget what you wanted to do/achieve in the first place. Or else, you may end up with a chaotic storyline that doesn't seem to have any clear steering.

12) Try to write chapters in advance!!!

I find this step to be very, very important.

You should aim to have written chapters ahead of posting schedule (at least 2-3), in order to observe whether your idea has a place to grow from there onwards or you might hit a nasty dead end with the proposed scenario. If you end up in a point in your story where you are nearly convinced that you need to rethink the direction your plot goes, perhaps finding a better solution on the way... it's much better to have a 'backup' in chapters and not having instantly published everything you had done.

Like I pointed out earlier, I have over 60 pages of written content for my fanfic that are unusable. Because I ended up not going on certain routes and changed directions "off-camera", which could not have been possible so easily had I just posted chapters as I finish writing them.

But hey, this is just how I do it. :D

13) Sorry to say this, but your first ever written fanfic will SUCK for sure, especially if you started as a kid.

I'm not trying to piss anyone off by mentioning this so harshly or discourage any potential writers. ^^ But, if writing, in general, is not a hobby of yours or if you don't have any affinity to it prior to starting planning a story (like role playing with friends/groups), then expect lots of criticism to pour down your story, many which may point out your writing mistakes.

It can be awful... TwT

But really, you can't be a pro at it from the beginning and you need to understand that there is a step one you need to take in a long, long journey in writing. Heck, I'm not even a pro myself and my skills are relatively decent.

Seriously.

Guys and Girls.

DON'T BE DISCOURAAAAAGED~!!!! <3

Just, write to your heart's content and try to always perfect yourself. ^^ Keep an open mindset and appreciate those people who comment on your work, who try to offer you constructive criticism and feedback.

You'll know when that person is doing it with good intentions.

Don't be upset or angry at people pointing out the faults they see in your story. You're not baby Tolkien. Sometimes, you don't even realize it's something you need to work on to improve. ((For example: in my Night-Owl Romance, someone pointed out to me that I was using ellipses far too often and, at first, I did not think it was the case until I re-read the text and realized... oops, yeah. I kind of over did it. And then, I tried using them less frequently.))

Bonus PearlCrysta Trivia: I started writing fanfiction after my school ex-friend stopped RP-ing with me frequently, so basically, I was probably... 13-14 years old when I started doing it. Quizilla was the monster site with fics and tests I would do daily during my summer holidays (do you guys remember that site? X'D I still do lol.)

At the time, I was super into Yu-Gi-Oh that I needed to write a romance between my god-mode OC and Marik/Malik Ishtar.

Now, I am 25 and I cannot find the power to read my story from scratch ever again.

...

The level of cringiness will make even 707 shudder.

See guys?

SEE?!!

Yeah, I know what I'm saying when I say that your fanfic will suck.

But there's a remedy for it. OwO

14) Practice makes it perfect. ^^ (10 years+ with obvious breaks in between)

And this isn’t everything. Some are snippets, others have over 300 pages.

15) Reading enriches your vocabulary!

And by reading, I mean reading literature books or whatever tickles your senses. But has to be of quality. And keep that dictionary close by in case u meet expressions or words you do not understand.

#How to Write Fanfiction #PearlCrysta fanfiction #Fanfiction planning-method-and-advice #Mystic Messenger Fanfiction #Using Night-Owl Romance fanfic as an example for many points #Fanfiction

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bubblesthemonsterartist · 7 years ago

Note

Hello, I've just finished Fragments, and since you reblogged the lj dvd commentary thing... which was the most taxing scene to write and what were your thoughts on it?

OKAY! Since you gave me free reign of all of Fragments, Iam going straight to the chapter that made me pace around my apartment and gofor walks the most. I’ll cherry pick from this chapter. If you have anyquestions, or if I skip over a part that you are curious about, feel free tofollow up! It’s a completed series and I don’t have nearly as much to hide as Ido with Watchtower-verse.

Chapter 8: Avalanche

She finds she can’thold eye contact, and her eyes drop to where their hands connect. Their fingershave entwined without any real thought on either of their parts, and the sightof it gives her the strength to open her mouth again.

“Obi… I’ve beenwanting to talk to you about something…”

So I was both terrified and excited about writing thischapter, mostly because I had a very clear idea in my head of how things wereto go. After spending so many hours obsessing over their story, I felt like Obiwould never be the one to make the actual first move, even if Zen was out ofthe picture. Like, if he wasn’t present in the beginning, MAYBE he would havemade a move, but I still argue that he would have been a mix of suave andawkward taco about it because he knows what his body wants from her, but hisheart is out of practice.

At this point in the story, they have known each other forYEARS. Obi has been in love with her for YEARS and he hasn’t said anything becauseduring the Zen years, he internalized every single reason that he would be apoor match for her. He’s just happy to be with her, but in the weeks followingthe last chapter, he has been in terrordome because he felt like he jeopardizedthe first really good relationship that he has ever had by having a moment ofweakness (selfishness).

And Shriayuki has NO IDEA any of this is going on. She’snot sure what his deal is. Like, she is PRETTY SURE he likes her, too, but hehasn’t made a move and she is ready for things to move forward. So instead ofthis grand gesture (like she had with Zen), she has a chance to fully processher emotions and decide firmly that this is what she wants and make the moveherself.

“Oooooh… It’s real,boys!” The gravelly voice she hears behind her makes the hair raise on herarms. She pushes the hand away from her, wincing as she feels a few strands ripfrom her scalp, and turns to glare at the owner of the offending hand, only topale when she looks up. There are four men behind her, each one larger than theother, all smiling toothy grins as they look down on her. She swallows,recognizing their expressions, for she has seen them a million times before andshe suddenly feels incredibly stupid. She should know better than to be in astrange space without covering her hair. It only attracted the vilest ofattention.

I always felt, at some level, Shirayuki blames herselffor the attention that she gets regarding her hair. Like, it is a major reasonthat she covers it: she doesn’t want any trouble. But she relies too heavily onObi and now they are in a tough spot because she was careless.

It’s not HER fault. It’s the fault of these dudes who areharassing her. But that doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t internalize somethingthat she felt would have been easily avoidable if she just kept herself coveredup.

Shirayuki wishesthat she had just left well enough alone back in the room and settled in forthe night because, from this angle, she could see Obi reaching behind him, hishands sliding towards the knives in his belt. Shirayuki feels a ball of nausearise up in her gut, and she felt sick. Absolutely sick. This was her fault. Allshe wanted was to put some normalcy back in their lives—she didn’t want… this.“Miss,” Obi’s voice was low, rough, “Go.”

And here is more of her blaming herself. It is HERfault that they are in this situation. She is going back over everything thatcould have been done differently, and laying the entirety of the situation ather own feet. SHE wanted to have dinner with Obi so she could spill her guts tohim, SHE wanted to clear the air, SHE left her head covering upstairs (maybebecause she’s been told her whole life that it is her finest asset and shefeels it should be displayed when she is telling him about her romanticfeelings).

Meanwhile, Obi is angling himself in front of her andseeing the situation for what it is. They’re surrounded by traffickers and hedoesn’t think that he’ll be able to get them out without slitting a fewthroats. And he most definitely doesn’t want her to see that side of him EVER.So he is setting up a distraction, but SHE HAS TO PLAY ALONG (spoiler alert:Shirayuki is REALLY bad at the self-serving stuff).

Her heart falls,though, when she realizes that he isn’t looking at her, he isn’t going to lookat her. He’s just staring at his tags where they lay on the ground in front ofhim.

I love throwing the Tanbarun arc at everyone’s feet,especially Obi’s. Because here they are again: the only way he was able to saveher is because Zen’s power is behind him. And it sort of further drives homethat he is not good enough for her—even here, she needed a lot more than him tokeep her safe. He had a FEELING where things were going in their conversationbefore the fight, but now it seems like fate stepped in to save her from hisineptitude. There’s no way she would choose him after that, and he is notentirely sure he would ever want her to choose him.

This is getting a tad long, so I’m gonna cut straight tothe main point of this whole chapter. THE CONFESSION!! :D

“Because I loveyou,” she states, the words torn from her like it is the simplest fact in theworld, like he should know.

Obi draws back asif she has hit him, as if she has drawn blood when he believed he was about todeliver a killing blow. His eyes blink rapidly, before his face twists insomething akin to betrayal. “No. You can’t.”

So going back to what I was saying earlier, I doubt anyromantic feelings FROM Shirayuki TOWARDS Obi would go particularly well. Thewhole reason I decided to go forward with Fragments as a series is because Iwanted to write THIS. I wanted to write how I think Obi would take herconfessing to him (Not Well). He is just a tangled ball of disbelief and hurtbecause WHY WOULD SHE HURT HIM LIKE THIS?

I believe that Obi has very broken receptors towards anypositive feelings (e.g., all the scenes in canon when ANYBODY says somethingnice to him and he goes all wide eyed and surprised) and while the past fewyears has done a lot to fix them, romantic love is not something that is in hisrealm of possibilities. It’s not that he thinks poorly of Shirayuki so much,but she is being forthright with him and he doesn’t know how to process it.Normally when she did something kind, and maybe a little flirty, he couldexplain it away. An outright love confession is not something he can explainaway without fight or flight taking over.

Anyhow, I think I’ll stop here for now. Thank you for asking! :D

#you were my 100th kudos for Fragments the other day #so you get to go first!#fragments #melt #writer aesthetics #dvd commentary meme #owlsshadows #ask bubbles

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my-mystic-messenger · 8 years ago

Note

Hey sweetie ^^ can you do a cheating HC with RFA, saeran and V and MC revenge ?

Girl give me some revenge and I’m SOLD! Cause I’m the baddest bitch on the blog (get it, cause this is tumblr haha). Anyway, poor jokes aside I really enjoyed writing this and hope you enjoy!

|| REQUEST ARE (ALWAYS) OPEN!! ||

Zen

♬ when you’d called Zen he really hadn’t expected it

♬ over the course of the last couple of weeks you’d been very inactive

♬ no one seemed to know why, not even Seven

♬ which made Zen all the more happier that you were reaching out to him

♬ maybe you were finally willing to talk about what was bothering you

♬ when you told him you wanted to meet at a certain bar he already knewsomething was off

♬ you’d always scolded him for his drinking and didn’t drink yourself

♬ he didn’t comment though, not wanting to interrogate you

♬ when he finally arrived at the bar, you were already there

♬ you sat at the counter with your head hanging over the beer in frontof you

♬ he took in the sight and sighed before calling your name

♬ the second you realized you were no longer alone you looked up andbeamed

♬ you even waved, only to hide the sadness you obviously felt

♬ you’d shared a quick hug as a greeting and had taken the seat besideyou

♬ all in all the evening went fine until suddenly a couple of young menyour age entered and you tensed

♬ one of them looked through the bar and when his eyes fell on you, heglared

♬ Zen could already tell that he would be trouble

♬ when the man reached the two of you he’d huffed, arms crossed overhis chest

♬ he’d told you what a cheap little bitch you were for already havingfound someone else while constantly preaching to him, called you adirty hypocrite and a bunch of other mean things

♬ had you not been holding onto his arm, holding him back, Zenwould have punched the guy right then and there without a secondthought

♬ you didn’t say a thing, looking so small with your head bowed andlower lip trembling

♬ the guy had just huffed and taken his leave, a satisfied smirk on hislips

♬ what kind of scum was happy about making a girl cry like that?!whenZen asked what the deal was you told him that he was yourex-boyfriend

♬ oh, so he was the one you’d mentioned once

♬ but then why did he treat you like that?

♬ you explained that you’dcaught him cheating on you with another girl, that you’d broken upwith him, kicked him out of the flat you shared and ignored all ofhis attempts to apologize

♬ after hearing that, Zen just kind of lost control

♬ he got up and marched towards the other, determined to break at leastsome of his bones

♬ you’d tried to hold him back, mainly because you were worried abouthis career and reputation and while he’d found that very noble andsweet of you, Zen hadn’t cared

♬ the asshole had to pay for treating a lady in such a disgustingmanner

♬ he’d walked straight up to him, tapped him on the shoulder and oncethe guy had turned, thrown the first punch

♬ of course this being a bar it ended in a huge fight that quicklyescalated

♬ Zen fought well, showing off his years in the biker gang

♬ not only did he beat your ex to pulp, he also managed to fend off hisbuddies trying to protect him

♬ obviously he eventually got a hit back as well and the second thatwas the case, you intervened

♬ you pulled Zen along and took him to your place

♬ once there you sat him down, quickly getting out the first aid kit

♬ his knuckles were bloody and his lip was split, but otherwise heseemed fine, luckily

♬ you’d cleaned his wounds with alcohol, chuckling lightly when Zen hadhissed

♬ you’d scolded him too, told him that he was an idiot for startingsuch a public fight

♬ he’d only replied that to defend your honour, he would have done muchmore

♬ you’d blushed then, thanking him in a whisper before pressing a softkiss to his lips

♬ it hurt just a little, but Zen found his didn’t mind at all

Yoosung

★ Yoosung couldn’t really believe his luck

★ after having called you for a quick chit chat you’d asked whether hewas free

★ he’d been a little confused as to what the occasion was, but hadanswered yes

★ you’d asked him whether you could come over, play some video gamestogether

★ something in your voice had sounded off, but he didn’t prod

★ you’d probably tell him once you were ready to do so

★ he’d obviously agreed, telling you to give him an hour to clean alittle and go buy some snacks

★ you’d thanked him and hung up

★ like a clockwork you’d showed up at his door an hour later

★ however, you hadn’t looked good at all

★ you were wet from the rain and it almost looked like you’d beenwalking around for much longer than just the walk from your apartmentto his

★ he’d pulled you inside and wrapped you in multiple towels and ablanket

★ he’d also made you a hot chocolate, just for good measures

★ you’d thanked him, but didn’t further elaborate as to what hadhappened

★ now Yoosung tried not to prod, he really did

★ for about an hour he managed ti just sit beside you and silently playsome COD

★ then he suddenly stopped the game mid round, turned towards you andshowered you in questions

★ he’d tried to hard not to, but it just bubbled out of him in a hit ofexcitement

★ you’d sighed, clutching the controller in your hand

★ then you’d explained about how you’d just found out that yourboyfriend cheated on you, with a good friend on top of it

★ you also explained that you hadn’t had a chance to confront him aboutit, that you’d just kind of fled your shared apartment to get somespace to think and somehow ended up calling Yoosung

★ now Yoosung was generally a good and innocent boy, but he’d hung outwith Seven enough to know how to handle a situation like this

★ he advised you not to break up with him just yet, you still had theright for some payback

★ then he explained the plan

★ a little less than a week later he came over to your place while yourboyfriend was around

★ after playing some Halo together he’d excused himself to go to thebathroom while you remained in the living room with your stillboyfriend

★ which was perfect, that way he would never suspect you

★ he snuck into the bathroom and got out the two things he’d prepared

★ one, he snuck in a red sock into the guys white wash, smirkingdevilishly

★ you’d told him about his macho behaviour and fragile masculinity,which made wearing a ‘girl’ colour like pink probably hell for a guylike him

★ above that, he was also extremely arrogant and narcissistic about hislooks, which Yoosung wanted to change as well

★ he opened the guys shampoo bottle and got rid off all of it, only toswitch it out with depilation cream

★ after that he snuck into the kitchen, changing his usual protein barsup with so called high calorie bars, which were used by athletes togain weight

★ with the little amount of exercise he did in comparison, the guywould blow up like a balloon

★ it would be interesting to see how confident he remained with no hairand 10-20kg more on his ribs

★ that night you broke up with him, leaving him to his demise beforemaking your way over to Rika’s old apartment with all the belongingsyou had left

★ surprisingly, Yoosung had been sitting in front of it, waiting foryou

★ when you asked him what he was doing there – meanwhile unlockingthe door and letting him in – he’d replied that he’d wanted to bethere for you just in case you hadn’t taken the relationship endingpoorly

★ you’d chuckled then, put down the luggage you had and pressed a sweetkiss to his cheeks whispering that every ending just meant a new,better beginning

Jaehee

♨ you’d become great friends and honestly Jaehee couldn’t have askedfor a better influence in her life

♨ you’d saved her from herself and she was just waiting for a chance torepay the favour

♨ when you even offered to help her with the café, run it together,she’d been overjoyed

♨ not only was the doing was she truly enjoyed, but she was sharing theexperience with her best friend

♨ you seemed to enjoy your work as well, always showing up chipper witha big, bright smile

♨ one day, however, you’d looked utterly devastated upon entering thecafé

♨ Jaehee had been very worried, as she’d never seen you like thisbefore

♨ when she asked you at first, you’d refused to talk about it,apologizing for your bad mood

♨ you didn’t want it to affect your working abilities nor the mood ofthe people around you

♨ the entire day she watched you fake smiles and do your best untilJaehee just couldn’t take it anymore

♨ she pulled you to the back and confronted you about it, not in amean, but concerned manner

♨ eventually you caved and told her all about your boyfriend and howhe’d cheated on you

♨ you told her that you didn’t know what to do, as the two of you hadbeen dating since High School and lived together

♨ not to mention that you didn’t know anything but him

♨ basically, you were in the same situation as Jaehee had been, scaredto let go of the familiar routine

♨ however, as Jaehee had learned that sometimes it was for the best tolet go, so had you

♨ it was hard to remain calm and collected though, in the eye of such asituation

♨ even Jaehee struggled, despite usually always keeping her cool

♨ cheating scumbags deserved bad things happening to them and Jaeheewould take care of that

♨ for now, however, she had to help you

♨ she told you to go home and break up with him, confront and get ridof him and all remains of him

♨ you were scared at first but she promised that she’d be there foryou, no matter the outcome

♨ when you came to work the next day you reported that you’d done it

♨ you’d fought a lot, but eventually he’d left

♨ now, however, he wanted the things he’d left at your place back andyou didn’t know what to do

♨ you didn’t want to see him again

♨ especially since you didn’t trust yourself to be strong about it

♨ you also hated the idea of letting him off the hook so easily andJaehee understood perfectly

♨ she had a solution for both of your problems, seeing as she’d doneher research on revenge the night prior

♨ after work she came to your place with a couple of things in her bagyou’d need

♨ she told you to let go of your frustrations by burning the picturesand destroying his things

♨ at first you had reservations, but then she reminded you of the factthat he’d destroyed your relationship and a couple of photo’s andjunk were a small price to pay for that

♨ you agreed and so the destruction began

♨ you burned all your photos, dunked his toothbrush in the toilet,ripped and cut apart all the clothes he’d left at your place anddestroyed everything else that remained entire

♨ however, Jaehee wasn’t quite done with what she had in mind

♨ cheaters deserved what was coming for them

♨ while doing research she’d found a very interesting and elaboraterevenge scheme

♨ she wrapped the destroyed remains in a thick layer of duct tape,followed by a layer of bubble wrap then a whole bunch of pinkglitter, another layer of duct tape, bubble wrap and more glitter andso on

♨ that way he’d need ages to unpack, have glitter all over his flat forages and find his stuff destroyed

♨ you were so thankful when she came with you to send off the package,you hugged her once you’d gotten rid of it

♨ the two of you held onto each other for a long time, happy to havesave one another

Jumin

♛ Jumin had met many scumbags over the course of his life

♛ he worked with a lot of them and very few seemed to respect anythingbut their money, least of all the women in their life

♛ even his father seemed to lack some sort of ground respect, seeing ashe jumped from one women to the other

♛ however, if there was one thing he would and could not forgive it wascheating

♛ it was poor taste in business and it was distasteful and disgustingin the context of love

♛ not only was he a firm believer of marriage, but also monogamy andfidelity

♛ you either stayed with the person despite having lost interest or youbroke up with them, there was no room for a third option

♛ so when you showed up at his apartment, hugging yourself, lower liptrembling and tears running down your cheeks Jumin had been utterlyoverwhelmed

♛ of course he’d had enough courtesy to avoid drilling you for a reason

♛ honestly, he’d been quite confused as well

♛ why on earth you’d pick him for your emotional worries was beyondhim, as everyone else in the group mocked him for being distant andcold; emotionless

♛ when you told him that your boyfriend had cheated on you, it finallyclicked

♛ he’d been one of his golf partners whom you’d met at an RFA party twoyears ago, as Jumin had insisted on inviting him

♛ the guy owned his own firm and was good business, so he’d figured theRFA would benefit from him

♛ he’d been wrong about that for multiple reasons

♛ for one he hadn’t donated anything and the other, he’d lost you tohim

♛ Jumin hadn’t minded, seeing as you’d seemed happy by his side, now hehated himself for his cowardice all the more

♛ he’d been prepared for you to blame him for it, but anger was thelast thing on your mind

♛ you wanted to leave him, but didn’t have anywhere to go since Rika’sapartment still freaked you out and your parents lived relatively faraway

♛ then you began crying again, sobbing about how you’d been sosupportive of his long working hours, when in reality he’d beencheating on you with his assistant all his time

♛ that, struck a nerve with Jumin

♛ he excused himself for a moment and left the room

♛ no one cheated on you and especially not with an assistant

♛ he bought the guys company that night, pondering to destroy it beforedeciding for something more practical

♛ he declared him his new Chief Assistant, now that Jaehee was gone,and promised himself that he’d make his work experience hell

♛ and God did he make it hell

♛ if people thought that Jaehee had suffered, they had no idea whatJumin was capable of when angry

♛ when the rumors about Jumin being gay came up again, Jumin decidedthat it was a great chance to go over to part two of his plan

♛ one evening he called the guy to his office, sitting on his deskwhile waiting for him

♛ he’d asked him to shut the door before almost pouncing him, pushinghim against the door and whispering dirty things into his ear

♛ the guy tried to flee but Jumin told him that since he’d fucked hisassistant it was only fair that Jumin got to fuck him now

♛ the guy fled the firm that day, resigning angrily

♛ he also kicked you out, effectively leaving you homeless

♛ well, not for long as Jumin decided that he would not lose you tocowardice another time

♛ that day you moved in with him instead

Saeyoung/Seven

☼ Seven wouldn’t call himself the emotional type

☼ sure, he hated himself and his life with a burning passion, but hedidn’t let the emotions rule

☼ as one could observe seeing as he was still alive

☼ needless to say that when a person like him actually to God got mad,it was scary

☼ really scary

☼ and shit was about to go down

☼ he’d been working on a new computer program when he’d heard the doorbang open

☼ he stopped in his tracks, instantly turning to see what the securitycamera’s had caught

☼ how on earth someone had managed to enter his home without a securitybreach was incomprehensible to him

☼ until he saw the footage of you cursing and kicking the door in,obviously fuming

☼ it didn’t explain how you got in exactly, but at least it was alittle more understandable, seeing as you knew how his securitysystem worked

☼ he didn’t have much time to think about it though, as mere secondslater the door to his room was thrown open to reveal you standingthere, obviously angry about something

☼ he sincerely hoped it wasn’t him

☼ he asked you how on earth you’d gotten in alive

☼ اخرس had been your reply

☼ had you just told him to shut the fuck up in perfect Arabic?well…one truly did see everything if one lived long enough to

☼ when he asked you what was going on you gladly explained and once youwere done, Seven was fuming too

☼ his first instinct was to destroy the guys life but hacking it butyou had a better plan

☼ you didn’t want to destroy his life…just his relationship to women

☼ oh man, if Seven liked one thing that it was a good portion of dramaand well planned revenge

☼ in fact, your version of revenge wasn’t nearly as illegal as his andmuch, much, much more fun

☼ you told him to get out one of his female costumes or knock himselfout mixing and mashing them

☼ basically, Seven’s job would be to catfish the guy only to revealhimself as God Seven Defender of Justice and a very well endowed MAN

☼ Seven instantly agreed, excitedly jumping out of his chair to seewhat he could pull off

☼ you told him that it didn’t matter how he looked exactly as long asit was approachable and borderline cheap looking

☼ Seven decided for his blonde wig, his maid costume and a lot ofmake-up

☼ once he’d gotten himself ready you gave him a look over and nodded,dirty grin on your lips

☼ he implanted a little bug in his dress for you to hear and partiallysee what was going on before you send him off to the location you nowknew your boyfriend picked up girls

☼ the planned worked miraculously well

☼ he instantly fell for Seven who – to your surprise – had a verytender and believable female voice

☼ it made you wonder whether one of his identities had been a women

☼ your soon to be ex-boyfriend didn’t hesitate to invite Seven to hisplace and while you were angry, you were also utterly amused

☼ they go to the place and the second the door shut behind them, theguy began feeling Seven up

☼ you applauded your friend for playing along with this, moaning in ahigh pitched sound and grinding against the other

☼ when your boyfriend eventually reached under his dress, he froze andhis face was caught on camera too!

☼ Seven just went on to undressed, leaving him in nothing but a pair ofboxers that were rather revealing

☼ you had the pleasure to watch your boyfriend scream like a littlegirl and basically flee his own apartment

☼ GOLD

☼ when Seven returned you pulled him into a hug and told him that hewas your hero, a true defender of justice

Saeran

☀ pissing Saeran off isn’t particularly hard

☀ however, thanks to therapy he’d learned to control his aggressions

☀ he’d even become somewhat peaceful

☀ well, as peaceful as it got

☀ he was, however, highly protective of the things that he thought ofas dear to him

☀ you just happened to be one of those

☀ so when you came to him for your daily visit trying to act nonchalantand bubbly but failing miserably he asked you straight away whom hehad to kill

☀ he would do it, no questions asked

☀ he also didn’t like beating around the bush

☀ you’d squealed and told him that it wasn’t like that, that murderreally wasn’t the solution

☀ good, you understood that he meant what he said

☀ luckily he didn’t have to ask you to explain, as you knew better bynow than to wait for him to do so

☀ instead you just explained, sighing deeply once you were done

☀ you’d expected a lot of possible reactions, but not Saeran gettingout a a switch blade in front of your very eyes, rather sharp anddangerous looking

☀ he told you he’d personally make sure that the guy would never cheatagain

☀ which you knew meant he’d personally castrate him with thatparticular shiny knife

☀ in an attempt to stop him from mutilating another person for whateverreason you reminded him that intellectuals didn’t have to stoop tosuch a level

☀ violence wasn’t the answer

☀ Saeran decided you were right

☀ there were better, less traceable ways to ruin the guys life forbreaking your heart

☀ no one but him was allowed to do that!

☀ so, as an intellectual, he plotted a little scheme to cover all theimportant basis

☀ he basically hacked his entire life

☀ he got into his bank account and cleared the entire thing, donatingeverything to various charities

☀ at least the guy was good for something

☀ he found some nudes in his private folders and decided to publishthose on Facebook

☀ Saeran also found the idea of him losing his job quite amusing, whichis why he send a particularly graphic dick pick to his female boss, acrude message attached to it

☀ he also found out the mails of all the girls he’d been in contactwith, he’d cheated on you with

☀ needless to say he took care of those as well

☀ he send each and everyone of them the lucky news of having been usedas a side-bitch he’d found out the term was, as well as proofof those words

☀ oh boy, your ex would wake up to a shit storm the next morning

☀ Saeran grinned at the thought of it

☀ once he was done he sought you out

☀ you’d been sitting on the couch the entire time, legs pulled to yourchest and arms around them

☀ he realized then that revenge was sweet, but it wouldn’t really fixyour sadness

☀ he took a deep breath and walked over, taking a blanket to pull itaround you before taking the seat beside you

☀ he told you how sorry he was and that while he didn’t reallyunderstand what exactly you were going through he understood how hardit must have been on you

☀ he also made sure to mention that he would have never done such athing to you

☀ to his surprise you’d smile, sweet and private, before turning to him

☀ you’d cupped his face and kissed him, feathery light and barely therebut enough to make his heart race

☀ you knew

Jihyun/V

📷 being blind wasn’t always easy

📷 while living a normal life was more or less possible, certain thingsbecame impossible

📷 specifically those that you hadn’t done before going blind like inV’s case

📷 or things that necessarily required eyesight

📷 such as taking photographs…or taking revenge on someone

📷 after taking down Mint Eye and sending Rika off to Alaska to gethelp, V’s days had become peaceful

📷 and utterly lonely, he realized

📷 he had the RFA but even chatting became more difficult than it neededto be when you were blind

📷 phones just never quite got what you were dictating them to write

📷 not only that, but the members tended to spam the chat so listeningto that robotic voice go off when Seven send a chain of shortmessages again was rather irritating

📷 V found himself staying away while simultaneously craving contact

📷 needless to say that it was a very complicated situation to be in

📷 however, you did bring some light into his quite literal dark

📷 once a week, on your free day, you stand in front of his door withone junk food or the other

📷 sometimes it was pizza, other time burgers or just a whole bunch ofsweets

📷 and every time you brought something to do as well, be it braillecards or a book to read to him

📷 it was the kind of surprise he started looking forward to

📷 especially since you always seemed so excited about things

📷 however, once week he was surprised to find that you were late

📷 you’d never run late before

📷 when you showed up about fifteen minutes later and apologized hecould hear and sense that something was off

📷 you sounded sad and exhausted

📷 for a while you just continued as per usual, making him stuff himselfwith junk food before forcing him into a game of some sort

📷 well, forcing wasn’t the right word, really but he liked to use itjokingly

📷 eventually, however, he heard you sigh and knew that you were readyto open up

📷 so he asked and you told, the entire thing

📷 you also mentioned how you hadn’t felt comfortable mentioning it inthe chat, how you only really trusted V with such delicateinformation

📷 he felt both honoured and lost, since there was very little he couldhelp you with

📷 other than giving advice, of course

📷 thats how you ended up with a couple of pickaxes and black spraypaint, sneaking into a garage in the middle of the night

📷 he couldn’t even help you in your plan, but he could be on the hearout, just in case

📷 you destroyed that car

📷 all tires were slashed, all windowsshattered and everything else was perforated

📷 it was a damn good feeling to let go of all your anger andfrustration and from V’s silent laughter you could tell he foundlistening to you just as funny

📷 you let the axes were they were and added some paint to the car,writing cheater all over it

📷 once you were done and happy you gripped V by the arm and tugged himalong

📷 the two of you ran, both laughing as you made your way to his place

📷 you thanked him for the evening, telling him that you hadn’t laughedlike that in the long time

📷 he returned the words and suggested that maybe you could come overmore than just once a week

📷 that maybe…sometimes you could even stay?

|| REQUEST ARE (ALWAYS) OPEN!! ||

254 notes · View notes

chanoyu-to-wa · 7 years ago

Text

Rikyū Chanoyu Sho, Book 6 (Part 3): Rikyū’s Hyaku-kai Ki, (1590) Eighth Month, 18th Day; Midday.

3) The same day; Midday [同日・晝]¹.

￮ Guests: Yakushi-in [藥師院]² ・ Rōju [露壽]³ ・ Sōjun [宗純]⁴.

￮ 2-mat [room]⁵.

￮ Unryū-no-kama [雲龍之釜]⁶; ◦ wake-mono mizusashi [〇け物水指]⁷; ◦ [chaire: the Enza-katatsuki, on a square tray⁸;] ◦ kuro-chawan [黒茶碗]⁹; ◦ Kankyo no tsubo [閑居のつほ]; ◦ ori-tame [おりため]¹⁰; ◦ take-wa [竹わ]¹¹; ◦ Seto no koboshi [瀬戸のこほし]¹².

￮ Zen-bu [膳部]: ◦ hibari (senba-iri [雲雀 (せんばいり)]¹³, soup (miso-yaki [みそやき])¹⁴, rice.

￮ Funa (namasu) [鮒 (なます)]¹⁵.

￮ Kashi: akoya [あこや], shiitake [しいたけ]¹⁶.

_________________________

◎ This chakai was given as a sort of ato-mi [跡見] for Hideyoshi’s personal physician and two prominent merchants from Sakai -- all men who would have been well known to Rikyū.

¹Onaji hi・hiru [同日・昼].

This means “the same day, (at) midday” – that is Tenshō 18, Eighth month, 18th day [天正十八年八月十八日].

However, it appears* that in Rikyū’s original manuscript, the time of day is not specified for this gathering (and, indeed, it would be extremely difficult to host a midday gathering in the same room, using the same utensils, following on a morning gathering: in Rikyū’s period a morning chanoyu usually began between 9:00 AM and 10:00 AM†, and ended shortly before noon).

What Rikyū does note, however, is that this second chakai is an o-tsugimi [御次見] – that is (to use the more usual terminology), it is an ato-mi [跡見] gathering – where the purpose was to give this second group of guests the chance to inspect the arrangements created for someone else (usually an important personage – as Mōri Terumoto certainly was – for whom exceptional utensils would have been employed).

While it might have been possible for the guests to be waiting in the koshi-kake as the earlier party took their leave‡, this second gathering** was more likely held in the middle or late afternoon of the same day.

Unfortunately, while referring to Rikyū’s original document certainly helps us to understand the excesses of the editorial policy employed when preparing this manuscript for publication, a facsimile of the manuscript of only the second and third gatherings has been made public. __________ *The handwriting on the two pages of this document that have been made public does not seem to be Rikyū’s. Rather, it appears to be a copy of his manuscript made by someone (who was not a professional copyist; or necessarily attempting to create a facsimile of Rikyū’s original – as was commonly done nearer to his lifetime), perhaps during the early Edo period.

†In the Edo period, the time for the morning gathering was pushed forward by several hours (according to the Western way of marking time).

However, it is not clear that the editors of the Rikyū Chanoyu Sho even understood, or were concerned about, this incongruity. It also seems that they were not cognizant of the fact that this gathering is essentially an ato-mi [跡見] for the earlier chakai, rather than an independent chanoyu that Rikyū happened to schedule for later the same day.

‡And this became the usual way to do things in the Edo period.

**The guests were probably friends of the host (one was Hideyoshi’s physician, whom Rikyū would have known at least since he entered Hideyoshi’s household; and the other two were prominent merchants from Sakai), and it would have been unseemly for such people (especially the merchants) to be gawking at a nobleman as he left the premises. As a matter of delicacy, Rikyū would surely have taken great pains to avoid exposing the Lord Terumoto as a public spectacle.

²Yakushi-in [藥師院].

Perhaps the man known as Yakuin Zen-sō [施藥院全宗; 1525 ~ 1599]*. Formerly a monk from Eisan [叡山]†, he was also a respected medical doctor of the period, and a close attendant of Hideyoshi's‡. __________ *He was also a chajin and former disciple of Jōō’s, and the owner of the temmoku chawan known variously as the Yakushi-in temmoku [藥師院天目] and the Yakushi-dō temmoku [藥師堂天目] (this temmoku-chawan is shown below).

This chawan (which is usually referred to as the Jōō haku-temmoku [紹鷗白天目] today) was fired at the Seto kilns in Mino (and so is an early version of what eventually came to be known as Shino-yaki [志野焼]); and, as the modern name implies, originally was in the possession of Jōō, from whom Zen-sō received the bowl.

†This mountain is now usually called Hieisan [比叡山]. It is one of the peaks in the mountain range between Kyōto and Ōtsu (to the east).

‡Perhaps occupying a position similar to a personal physician.

Hideyoshi was suffering from tertiary syphilis (which evolved into neurosyphilis in the second half of the 1580s) during the last years of his life (which accounts for his increasingly erratic behavior during this final decade), and so the near-constant attendance of a physician (who could at least offer a degree of palliative care) would have been important to him and those around him.

It is inferred that his increasing susceptibility to his delusions of grandeur – specifically that he could succeed in conquering China and having himself installed as Emperor (as suggested by the Korean expatriates in Hakata – whose actual goal seems to have been causing political instability on the Korean peninsula, thus potentially could have allowed for a restoration of the Han [韓] republic that was overthrown by the Ming military incursions aimed at reinstating the feudal system on the Korean peninsula, under a Chinese hegemony, in the middle of the previous century) – increased in step with his developing neurosyphilis.

³Rōju [露壽].

Perhaps the townsman of Sakai known as Akaneya Rōju [茜屋良壽; dates unknown]. His name is also given as Akaneya Dōju [茜屋道壽] (which would make him a fellow disciple of Araki Dōchin together with the young Rikyū; perhaps they were of a similar age).

⁴Sōjun [宗純].

This seems to be Akaneya Sōjun [茜屋宗純; dates unknown], another member of the Akaneya house. Perhaps a brother or cousin of the Rōju/Dōju who is mentioned in the previous note.

There is also a person named Akaneya Sōsa [茜屋宗佐; dates unknown] who was active in the world of chanoyu during the second half of the sixteenth century. This individual is mentioned by Yamanoue Sōji, and is also listed as a guest at a gathering hosted by Tsuda Sōtatsu [津田宗達; 1504 ~ 1556] in 1549. Furthermore, he is recorded as the host of a gathering attended by Imai Sōkyū [今井宗久; 1520 ~ 1591] that was held in 1559. It is possible that this Akaneya Sōsa was the father or uncle of the two men mentioned in this entry.

Furthermore, a number of meibutsu or otherwise famous utensils are associated with the house of Akaneya (the ō-meibutsu Akaneya nasu [茜屋茄子], above, being but one example).

The specific business of the Akaneya house has not been identified.

The two men from this house may have been in Kyōto to meet with Hideyoshi regarding financing for his invasion of Korea and China.

⁵Ni-jō [二疊].

The two-mat room in Rikyū’s residence within Hideyoshi’s Juraku-tei palace.

⁶Unryū-no-kama [雲龍之釜].

As this was still the furo season, the small unryū-gama would have been arranged in its black-lacquered unryū-buro [雲龍風爐].

Note that while the first small unryū-gama had kake-ko [掛子] lid made of beaten copper*, since bronze was not yet being produced in Japan at this time†, Rikyū (eventually) had an iron lid made for this second kama (perhaps because the use of sheet-copper was less effective -- given the relatively low weight of that kind of lid, it would have rattled when the kama reached a full boil, while an iron or bronze lid, due to their weight, would not)‡.

The small unryū-gama shown on the right, however, is a modern copy, and has an iron kake-ko futa: this kind of lid was first made for the third small unryū-gama that was made by Yojirō several years after Rikyū’s death, when Hideyoshi reinstated the Sen family name -- and gave Shōan the old Temmyō large (iron) kimen-buro [古天妙大振鬼面風爐] (which had belonged to Nobunaga; this furo been further damaged in the earthquake of 1596, making the original small unryū-gama too small**), along with the newly made kama and the black Korean floor tile that Oribe had brought back from the continent -- which was used as a base†† for the large kimen-buro when it was used apart from the Yamazato-dana. __________ *This copper was imported from the continent in sheets, and used to cover roofs. Since the oxidized color is similar to bronze, and since the copper sheeting is quite malleable, Rikyū occasionally had lids for his kama made from this material.

†This is why subsequent Japanese bronze is identical to Korean bronze, but quite different from the variety of that metal produced in China.

The first bronze craftsmen were brought back to Japan from Korea with the returning armies following the failed invasion. (The Korean stories of craftsmen being abducted as slaves actually stem from this incident; the Hagi potters, to whom these stories are usually applied, actually went to Japan of their own free will in the company of Takuan Oshō, in 1603. As for whether any of these people were ever “slaves,” this is difficult to say with certainty: what is known is that craftsmen, in general, were treated poorly in Josen period Korea, where most were abjectly poor; and these same men were feted as honored guests, while their labors were repaid with unprecedented largesse, after setting up shop in Japan -- according to the descendants of these artisans with whom I have spoken.)

Hatred, which invariably perverts the truth, is always an evil thing.

‡It seems that this second unryū-gama also had a sheet-copper lid made for it at first, perhaps so that it could be used while Yoshirō experimented with making an iron lid that still preserved the most important feature of the original copper (or imported bronze) lids: a handle shaped like three plum blossoms. For Rikyū this was extremely important -- and I have gone into the significance of this kind of lid elsewhere in this blog in detail. Any kama associated with Rikyū that does not have this kind of lid is either a forgery, or the lid was swapped by someone else sometime after his death.

**The original small unryū-gama was designed to fit within the mouth of the large kimen-buro, with a space of 2-sun on all sides. When this furo was further damaged in the earthquake, a large portion of the rim was broken away. The original kama was thus too small; so Yojirō cast a new kama that, rather than being a simple cylinder like the first one, was conical (and the inverse of the sides of the kimi-tsurube, with which this kama was usually used). This allowed it to retain the same spatial relationship to the broken furo as theretofore.

This kind of unryū-gama also has kimen-kantsuki (because the prototype was made to be used with the same large kimen-buro as the original small unryū-gama); but it was subsequently made in three sizes -- small, medium, and large. It is sometimes known as the Sōtan-gata unryū-gama, and this is the usual kind seen today.

††In fact, the shiki-gawara [敷瓦], a ceramic tile used under a furo in place of a shiki-ita [敷板], was originally only supposed to be used with this one, specific furo. All other iron furo were supposed to be placed on lacquered boards, just like clay furo. (Originally, bronze furo were only used on the daisu.)

The association between the shiki-gawara and Furuta Oribe comes from the fact that it was the Korean floor tile brought back from Korea by Furuta Sōshitsu that was used as a base for this furo. The green-and-white tiles sold as “shiki-gawara” or “Oribe-gawara” [織部瓦] have nothing to do with him; they were a creation of the Edo period -- another example of people making up things when they did not know the original reason for doing something.

⁷Wake-mono mizusashi [〇け物水指].

⁸No mention is made of the chaire in the kaiki as published in the Rikyū Chanoyu Sho.

However, in Rikyū’s original manuscript (shown above, under footnote 1), he does not repeat the series of utensils. Rather, after stating that this is an o-tsugimi [御次見] (= atomi no chakai [跡見の茶會]), he simply wrote chanoyu mae no gotoku [茶之湯まへのことく], which means that the arrangements for this gathering were “the same as before” – the same as at the gathering hosted for Mōri Terumoto in the morning of the same day. Therefore, the chaire in question is the meibutsu Enza-katatsuki, on its square Haneda-bon.

This is an example of the sort of deviation between Rikyū’s original records and the text as published in the Rikyū Chanoyu Sho (fleshing out some of the entries that Rikyū himself abbreviated was probably done so that the printed kaiki would fill an entire book of a similar size to the other five volumes in the set).

⁹Kuro-chawan [黒茶碗].

As mentioned before, while we can not be sure which of the various kuro-chawan Rikyū used at this gathering (since he did not mention its name*), this is the type of kuro-chawan that Chōjirō was making in 1590. __________ *In fact, most of the names by which these chawan are known today come from the people to whom Rikyū presented the different bowls, and have nothing to do with Rikyū at all.

His names are often humorous or humorously self-deprecatory, and usually have something to do with an anecdote connected with the bowl: for example, the red chawan called Ko-mamori [木守] was given to that bowl because nobody wanted it -- it was left behind when Chōjirō’s other pieces were taken (like a single fruit that is left on a tree when the others are harvested, which is what ko-mamori means); or the pair of black bowls that Rikyū always used together as kasane-chawan [重茶碗], O-guro [オ・グロ] and Ō-guro [オーグロ] -- the joke here being that Rikyū could save time writing both names by writing it only once while using a mark of intermediate length (between a dot “・” that simply separates the sound o from the word guro, and a dash “ー” which makes the o sound long).

¹⁰Ori-tame [おりため].

A straight chashaku very similar to the Namida [泪] chashaku would have been used with this bon-chaire.

¹¹Take-wa [竹わ].

This is one of Rikyū’s surviving take-wa.

Like anything made of unpainted wood or bamboo, these things were used only a few times, and then replaced whenever they got dirty.

¹²Seto no koboshi [瀬戸のこほし].

Ō-waki-zashi [大脇��].

¹³Hibari (senba-iri) [雲雀 (せんばいり)].

Hibari [雲雀] is the Japanese skylark (Alauda arvensis japaonica).

These birds were usually taken by hawking, and were provided to members of Hideyoshi’s court from the day’s catch.

Senba-iri [船場煎り] seems to refer to one kind of cooking* employed in the food stalls located near the wharves at Sakai for preparing small birds (and, incidentally, also prawns). In this case, the entire bird (plucked, and with the head, feet, and innards removed) was threaded or tied onto a spit and roasted over a small wood or charcoal fire in a brazier. __________ *When preparing fish, the other style of cooking used by the food stalls was called senba-ni [船場煮], where the fish (which was usually lightly salted first and then kept for several hours, so it was slightly dried) was boiled with thick slices of daikon.

¹⁴Shiru (miso-yaki) [汁 (みそやき)].

Miso-yaki shiru [味噌焼汁] is described as being miso-shiru with sliced tōfu and thinly cut (almost slivered) daikon suspended in the soup. Sliced shiitake could also be added to give the soup a richer taste.

A coarser grade of tōfu* is used (the soft kind of tōfu will fall apart as it is grilled), and it is sliced into fairly large† rectangular pieces after being grilled. Traditionally yaki-tōfu [焼き豆腐] was sold in tōfu shops in Kyōto, making it unnecessary for the customer to perform this task at home.

As usual, the tōfu was arranged in the soup-bowl first, with a dab of mustard placed on top. Then the miso-shiru, containing the sliced daikon and shiitake would be ladled into the bowl. __________ *Called momen-tōfu [木綿豆腐]. This is the more common kind of tōfu made in Korea.

†Typically one block of tōfu was cut into eight pieces. Some people prefer to slice the block to half its thickness before grilling. The tōfu could also be browned lightly in a frying pan. (Modern tōfu shops usually use a blowtorch.)

¹⁵Funa (namasu) [鮒 (なます)].

Funa [鮒] is related to the crucian carp, the ancestral species from which the goldfish was bred. The fish is sliver-black with a faint golden blush, and white belly, and may be identified with one of several native forms of the crucian carp (Carassius spp. – C. auratus, left, and C. cuvieri, right, being most common in the rivers and lakes near Kyōto).

This fish is usually prepared either by skewering and roasting over a charcoal fire (much as is done with ayu), sometimes with salt, or by cooking it in a sweetened soy-based sauce flavored with ginger*. As the bones are thin, they were generally left intact, and the fish was eaten as is (the bones are said to give a crunchy texture to the flesh)†. Precisely which way the funa was cooked for this gathering is not clear from Rikyū’s record.

Namasu (according to some commentators) has nothing to do with this dish, and its inclusion here was an error on the part of the editors of the Rikyū Chanoyu Sho. Namasu was served on the zen (together with the grilled hibari, soup, and rice)‡; however, since Edo period conventions limited the dishes on the zen to three items, the editors seem to have imagined that the namasu was added as a garnish to the carp.

However, others argue that funa namasu [鮒なます] means namasu** with finely sliced raw funa mixed in. __________ *Funa can also be eaten raw as funa sushi [鮒寿司], though one of the cooked versions seems to be what is intended here.

†There is a story that when Furuta Sōshitsu was grazed by a bullet while searching for bamboo during the siege of Ōsaka, but afterward maintained that he had been wounded during the fighting, Tokugawa Ieyasu said (in an aside) that Oribe was the kind of man who was likely to die from a funa bone caught in his throat.

It is said that Oribe’s purported treachery during the summer campaign stemmed from his hearing of Ieyasu’s remark.

‡As in the previous entries, Rikyū was sketching out the arrangement of the dishes on the zen in words.

**Namasu is a mixture of shredded daikon and carrot (the amount of carrot is limited, and added primarily for color) that is dressed with a mixture of vinegar, soy sauce, and mirin.

¹⁶Kashi ・ akoya, shiitake [菓子・あこや、しいたけ].

Akoya [珠母]* is a small, ovoid piece of steamed mochi†, with a flattened ball of an‡ placed on top. This kind of kashi was also called nose-mochi [載餅] in ancient times (and, indeed, it is typical of the oldest kind of mochi-gashi**).

The way to prepare the shiitake, when they will be served as kashi, was described in the previous post (see footnote 26). __________ *Akoya literally means mother-of-pearl – from the pearly-color of the mochi, and the shape (mother-of-pearl was taken from the shell of the awabi – abalone). The name plays on the auspicious meanings associated with the abalone.

†Uruchimai [粳米], ordinary (non-glutenous) rice is soaked in water for approximately three hours, and then beaten in a wooden mortar until it forms a uniform thick paste. The paste is then kneaded with hot water until it reaches a dough-like consistency. Pieces of this dough are formed into the shape of an abalone shell – a shallow, concave oval – and steamed, to make the “shell.” As described above, a flattened ball of an was placed on top of the mochi before serving.

This kind of mochi was sometimes coated very lightly with sesame oil to keep it from sticking to the serving bowl (this is still done in Korea), though the modern-day Japanese tea people do not like the taste.

‡Usually red an, made from boiled azuki beans, is preferred – since it contrasts nicely with the pearly-white color of the mochi. However, this is also up to the host.

**This kind of mochi with bean-paste was sandwiched between camellia leaves (so it would not stick to the vessel in which it was served) and served to the young men after a kick-ball competition in the Genji Monogatari.

Kashiwa-mochi [柏餅], where the mochi was wrapped in an oak leaf (which was sometimes pickled in brine from the previous year), was originally made in this way, too.

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shefliesaway · 7 years ago

Text

just??? a random list of my relationships. from the earliest i can remember to most recent. for documenting purposes i guess. and to work through things. idk.

Troy – I have no real recollection of this other than just telling him he was my “boyfriend” in kindergarten or first grade.

Austin B. – 4th and 5th grade “boyfriend”. First real memories of a “relationship”. We never dated for real or kissed or anything, we were just kids. However, it was when “sex bracelets” were a thing, and I told on him to a teacher when he tried to give me one. Thus ending our “relationship” and sending him to detention. Years later, when I had a high school class with him, he told me he still remembered that and that he thought he was gonna go to jail. We were able to laugh about it.

Tyler – In 6th grade he asked me to be his gf on a Friday and I said yes. Over the weekend, I freaked out because I didn’t actually want to date him. On the following Monday I acted like he didn’t exist and when he confronted me I said I “misheard” him and agreed to just being friends. Still one of my most embarrassing moments. No idea what ever happened to him.

Jake – Another middle school romance. No memory of how it began or ended, just that it happened at some point???? I think????

Thomas - First high school romance, first kiss. Very little recollection of how it began. All I remember is him cheating me out of my first kiss on the school bus by asking me to kiss his cheek and then turning his head quickly to catch my mouth when I did. The kids around us asked us if we were dating now and we both agreed due to peer pressure. Literally no memory of how it ended.

Adam H. – I was a sophomore and he was a freshman. He had long hair and I thought he looked like a Twilight character (long before the movies were a thing). We were in band together and were going steady, but never really went on a “date” or kissed or anything. He was very strange and clingy, and my naïvely aromantic ass had no idea why I didn’t like him back. I grew distant, and eventually my friend Annalynn broke up with him for me via a text message. Savage.

Josh – Oh my gOD. This poor kid. I liked him because he was “emo”, and I was just beginning to dabble in witchcraft. I cast my first love spell on him on a full moon whilst on my period with a crystal and a Zen garden. It worked. Too well. He asked me out the next day, and I said yes, ecstatic that I’d gotten what I wanted. He was my first make-out. From there, he became obsessive. He drew sketches of me, wrote me songs and poetry, borderline stalked me. I began to freak. He said he was gonna marry me, that I was his soulmate, that he’d kill himself if we broke up. I learned a very important lesson about the Rule of Three. When summer break began, I ignored him, even when he’d show up at my door, until he finally broke up with me over voicemail, clearly crying during the message. My bff and I were very mean to him after that, and I regret it. I’m glad the spell finally wore off. I still feel bad for him. He was also the first PoC I ever dated.

Austin D. – Last high school relationship. We were in band together and had begun flirting at some point. I vaguely remember him asking me out on the bus from a band performance. We dated for a while, went on a couple dates, kissed and made-out sometimes. But I was aromantic, despite not knowing it, and didn’t feel for him what he felt for me. I remember describing to him when I broke up with him that we were basically just “friends who kiss sometimes”. He agreed, the break-up was fairly mutual. We were still able to talk and stuff without it being weird for the rest of high school. Especially since a lot of our friends were mutual.

Felicia – Not really a relationship, but the first girl I ever kissed, I think.

Chuck – Bass guitarist for a local rock band. I was only 19, he was 30-something. We never kissed or dated or anything, but we did drunkenly share a bed one night and there was heavy petting involved. I was crazy about him, but he ended up coming to his senses regarding our age difference.

Lahela – My first relationship with a girl, first long distance romance that started online via RP. This was while I was living in Costa Rica. I thought she was the love of my life, I thought that I was going to marry her. I sent her orchids for Valentine’s Day, and she broke up with me for it. Saying I was too young (she was also 30-something) and that she’d let things go too far. It broke me. I spiraled into depression and finally sought therapy for the first time. She contacted me months later to apologize, and it triggered one of my first panic attacks. Haven’t heard from her since, but I know she’s now married to a man.

T.J. – Sweet man. He was also in this 30’s when we dated. We’d had a class together my freshman year of college, and we’d had a crush on each other but never voiced it. He finally asked me out once I got back from Costa Rica. We dated for a while, kissed a lot, shared a bed once. He was funny and I liked him. He left me for his boss at the time, saying the “distance” was too long for him. (I was literally a 2 hour drive from him, and only for a couple months.) I was jaded, so when he tried to get back together, saying his boss ended up “crazy”, I refused and was kind of mean. Which I now deeply regret after finding out recently that he died in July 2015. I don’t know what happened, but I regret how things ended.

Jayse – My partner of “firsts”. My first queer platonic relationship, my first time dating a trans person, my first time having sex, my first polyamorous relationship, my first *** relationship. Jayse was a great partner, despite being very ill and long-distance. But we made it work. We met each other’s families, flew out to visit each other, went on vacation together, etc. I imagined I would marry him and adopt kids with him. We also met via RP. - Sayers: A few months into mine and Jayse’s relationship, we added a third, Sayers. We were a happy triad for a while. I kissed Sayers but never slept with him. While I was away in KC, Jayse texted me saying Sayers was behaving toxically. I took Jayse’s side and we broke things off with him. Jayse and I stayed happily together for several more months. When I began seeing Jon, Jayse was fine with it since we were poly and qpr anyway. When Jon said he wanted to be exclusive, I broke things off with Jayse despite the fact that he’d done nothing wrong. He didn’t talk to me for months after that. I didn’t care at the time. We talk occasionally now, and he’s much more ill than ever before. I deeply regret how things ended. I wish we were closer now and I wish I could be there to help him with his sicknesses and disabilities.

Jon – The greatest love of my life thus far. We met via RP and became close friends fast. A year later, we met in person and had an immediate physical connection. A month after that, we decided to be exclusive and I broke things off with Jayse for him. I was so in love with him. We were in a very happy, healthy relationship for 9 of the best months of my life. We were in a *** relationship on and off for a while, too, and got to explore different dynamics of it, which was very rewarding emotionally. I grew a lot with him. I thought for sure he was my soulmate, that we’d get married and have kids and live happily ever after. So when he broke up with me the first time, I was completely blindsided. I had no idea anything was wrong. Literally the day before I’d told my best friend that he was my “forever love” and that we were so happy together. I still think I’ve never been in as much pain as I was then. I regret how I handled it, but I was absolutely devastated. A couple of weeks later, we began talking again, trying to be friends. Our grandmothers died almost back-to-back, and we needed each other. We went on a much needed vacation to N. Ireland. We shared our first kiss since the break-up there. We made love again for the first time since the break-up one of the nights before I left again for the States. We decided we didn’t need to have a label, that we were happy just having each other. I was hopeful. I went to see him again a month later and things were more physical in those few days than they had been in a year of sleeping together. It probably should have been a warning sign, in hindsight. Just a few weeks after that, he broke things off with me again. I was once again devastated and reacted poorly. It’s embarrassing, but I felt like I was dying. I miss him. I’m quite sure he hates me now, but I don’t blame him. I wish only the best for him. I hope he’s doing well. I know I’ll love him ‘til the day I die.

Dozie – Fuck this guy. He found me at a diner a few weeks after Jon and I broke up the first time. We hung out a couple of times after that. After Jon and I broke up the second time, we hung out at the aquarium. He asked if it was a date, and I said yes. I even let him drive me (which was huge). I was beginning to trust him. THEN HE DECIDES TO TELL ME HE’S MARRIED WITH A CHILD AND HAD BEEN LYING TO ME FOR MONTHS AND NOW I’M FURIOUS WITH HIM, BLOCKED HIM EVERYWHERE, STILL MAD AT HIM. STILL PISSED THAT HE KNOWS WHERE I LIVE. HATE HIM. FUCK THAT GUY. SO GLAD WE NEVER DID ANYTHING, I NEVER EVEN LET HIM HOLD MY HAND. FUCK OFF. I knew better than to trust him, too, because when I asked my tarot cards about him, I pulled out “The Magician”. But my dumb ass kept talking to him anyway smh.

Adam S. – Current fling. Met when Ryan and I set up a troll profile for me on Tinder. When I sent him stupid trolling messages, he trolled me right back. He had me laughing the entire night. Before I knew it, I kind of liked him. I told him I was real before I deleted my Tinder, and sent him a SnapChat to prove it. From there we started talking regularly. We’ve been on lots of dates, despite being long-distance. He even came to visit me in D.C. He’s also the first cis guy I’ve ever slept with. Our physical connection is undeniable. We have a lot of differences – like a lot – and he’s unlike anyone I’ve ever dated. But he treats me well, and calls me every day, and seems to genuinely like me. He’s good to me. And I like him back. He makes me happy. We’re both too afraid of being hurt to make things “official” but that’s okay. We’re just enjoying things right now. He’s a good friend, and a good lover. He’s incredibly handsome and he treats me the way I deserve to be treated. Do I love him? Not in that sense. Could I love him like that eventually? Maybe. It’s unfair to him when I’m still hung-up on my ex. I’m trying to move on because I don’t want to hurt Adam, but it’s a slow process. Either way, he’s a great guy and I like him a lot. I’m excited to see where this leads us. He gives me hope after I’d sworn off relationships for good. I doubt it will last, but it’s still fun and nice to have.

#1///////////////////////////////////////////////////////#2\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\#3///////////////////////////////////#4]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]#5]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]#personal #don't read this k

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samanthasroberts · 7 years ago

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Do yoga, work harder: how productivity co-opted relaxation

Holidays, procrastination and drug-taking were once ways to escape work. Now leisure has been reappropriated to aid work. So is anything actually considered unproductive nowadays?

Are you reading this when you should be working? Please don’t feel bad. Later, you will get more done, because reading enhances your productivity and so does surfing the internet while at work. Just make sure that it does not account for more than 20% of your time, say researchers at University of Melbourne and the National University of Singapore. You can idly scroll, safe in the knowledge that you are offsetting your present indolence against a productive future.

Productivity is the great preoccupation of our age. The productivity industry is thriving. It has its own aisle in all the app supermarkets. You can type “enhances productivity” into Google and validate as a productivity hack almost any human activity, from laughing to crying. If there is something depressing about the idea that your emotional responses can be bent to the services of work, ask your desk neighbour for a hug. It might take you away from your screen for a minute, but that’s OK because a hug is a great brain hack to get your oxytocin flowing, which will make you more productive.

There is almost nothing you can do to escape being productive. The old escapes have become productivity tools. Go for a walk? Chat by the water cooler? Hang out with your pet? Eat chocolate? Get laid? Daydream? Open your bowels? All these and more are now propounded as aids to productivity. Leisure itself is being reappropriated. Corporate yoga is booming. Even the chief executive of Public Health England has advocated it. Meditation and mindfulness sessions are offered to employees at companies including Ford, Google, Goldman Sachs and Aetna, the last of which according to David Gelles, a business reporter for the New York Times, estimates a saving of $2,000 (£1,475) a head in healthcare costs and a gain of $3,000 a head in productivity as a result. There is no point shutting your eyes to seek oblivion in sleep because sleep is undergoing a reawakening, led by Ariana Huffington, who sees it as “a great performance enhancer” and is harvesting your insomnia anxiety to build an empire.

Does it matter that leisure is increasingly being put to the service of work? If the results are good, and productivity makes us happy, where is the harm? Sarah Vaynerman is the founder of Work From Om, a yoga company based in New York City. Six or seven years ago, she was working as a marketing manager in a “very toxic environment on Wall Street” when she found herself “in a kind of a hole – so stressed I didn’t know how to get out of it”. She began to practise yoga, and soon rose from the mat with a new business: corporate yoga, which she now provides to firms ranging from startups to giants such as Warner Music Group.

In many ways, Vaynerman was her own first student. “I was expecting relaxation. There was plenty of that. But what really surprised me was how all other aspects of my life came to improve. My attention was improving, my focus was improving, my ability to organise was improving.” And if she was less stressed, she says, that was “not because I was lying on a beach* but because I was doing more, my life felt fuller. I felt more capable and confident.” (*Don’t fret if you are reading this lying on a beach; some scientists say holidays can help your productivity, too.)

Screen break … A woman boosts her productivity by looking at the internet. Photograph: Tim Robberts/Getty Images

I wonder whether Vaynerman ever worries that it is inherently un-yogic to harness the potential of yoga for the purposes of enhanced productivity, but she says not. “I don’t believe so at all. It’s a misconception that yoga is there just to relax you,” she says. “In fact, yoga in Sanskrit means ‘to yoke, to union’. It is supposed to connect your outside circumstances with your authentic self, your purpose.”

This sounds great, provided that the outside circumstances to which we are yoked are not overly concerning. But it cannot be coincidence that personal productivity has thrived as a preoccupation at a time when global productivity is failing to grow as well as it did before the global financial crisis. This poor performance of labour productivity growth during the economic recovery is commonly referred to as “the productivity puzzle” (incidentally, puzzling is a great boost for productivity, so I’m surprised this hasn’t resolved itself by now), which makes fathoming it sound like a fun hobby.

“Increased productivity used to be something that companies and managers were responsible for,” says Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, author of Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less. “Today, though, individuals are responsible for their own productivity. You become more productive through life-hacks, having the right noise-cancelling headphones and so on. We have a whole language that shifts responsibility for productivity back on to the individual, meaning that you have no one but yourself to blame if things go wrong: it’s not because you work in a super-noisy, poorly managed office, it’s because you have trouble multitasking in a fast-paced, dynamic environment.”

Maybe this kind of biohacking is prevalent preciselybecause individuals feel obliged to incorporate or embody the demands of the workplace. Even LSD, once the ultimate expression of the counterculture, has been harnessed as an aid to productivity.

Since 2010 James Fadiman has tracked microdosing of LSD, in which a small dose – typically 10 micrograms – is taken every three or four days without psychedelic effect. He first heard the idea from someone who had been recommended a microdose by Albert Hofmann, the Swiss chemist who first synthesised LSD, “to clarify a relationship he was in”. Fadiman has gathered a sample of 1,500 microdosers, aged from 18 to 80, across 59 countries, who submit their findings for him and his colleague Sophia Korb to study.

Fadiman, speaking on the phone from Menlo Park, California, has countless examples of the benefits of LSD in this form. “A young man at a San Francisco meet-up said: ‘Well, I only use microdosing when I have a coding problem,” he says. Another found that he could drive for longer. Another still, who had been eating really badly, went to a restaurant while microdosing “and he said to me: ‘I looked at the menu and, by God, I wanted the salad.’”

For Pang, this shows how “modern capitalism is capable of turning anything either into a product you consume or an enhancer of productivity”. But Fadiman sees it differently. “The people I’ve spoken to,” he says, “they don’t feel they’re more productive.” Instead, he sees microdosing as “an enhanced wellness tool” of which productivity is only a part, although he acknowledges that one of the major benefits is “diminished procrastination”.

Hug it out … grappling with your workmates can get the oxytocin flowing. Photograph: Claudia Burlotti/Getty Images

Steve Jobs was influenced by Zen Buddhism and LSD, and Mark Zuckerberg has also spoken about his interest in Buddhism, so there’s a long association between the search for spiritual enlightenment and productivity. Still, it seems ironic to think that LSD was once enjoyed as a way to turn on, tune in and drop out. “Absolutely,” Fadiman chuckles, suggesting an update. “It’s turn on a really little bit, tune into your life and enjoy your day. Somewhat different.”

Like Fadiman with microdosing, Vaynerman advertises productivity as just one of the many benefits of yoga. And Richard Pierson, the co-founder of bestselling meditation and mindfulness app Headspace, emails to say: “It would be a shame if employers are only integrating mindfulness to improve productivity. My hope is that they are supporting it so their employees can be healthier and happier throughout their life.”

“Happiness is a route to productivity, not the other way round,” agrees Graham Allcott, who calls himself “the productivity ninja”. He enjoys meditation and yoga. But, he says: “I’m not doing yoga to be productive, though I know it helps me.”

This makes me wonder if anything these days can be considered unproductive. What could Allcott, or anyone, do to escape? To get a proper break, I mean, not the kind that’s flagged at the back of our minds as performance-enhancing? What is the least productive activity Allcott can think of? “I would say the least productive way to spend time would be … Well. I think it would be working on something where …” He hesitates: “No. That’s not quite right. I was kind of thinking about the opposite question. What’s the most productive tends to come down to whether you’re adding value in the best way. The best way to add value is to define the task really well.”

I don’t feel that we have struck at the core of unproductivity here. Perhaps there is no longer such a thing as purposeful unproductivity. After all, even procrastination has been claimed as a productivity tool, provided it is “high-performance procrastination”. And if productivity is simply a byproduct of enjoyable pursuits, are Allcott, Vaynerman and Pierson right to see it as harmless?

“These companies that sell relaxation tools and techniques are kidding themselves if they don’t understand this is part of an acceleration of our economy and expansion of work into all aspects of our life,” says William Davies, a lecturer at Goldsmiths University and author of The Happiness Industry. “It’s a cruel mentality where everything can be used or should be useful, and if it isn’t, I’m not trying hard enough. That’s one problem. The other problem, of course, is that where you once had things that added intrinsic value for people, they’ve become captured in some way.”

What we lose, he says, is the idea of comfort, that nurturing state of ease or strength that is an end in itself. Does he have any suggestion for how to escape the need to be productive? “I suppose slumped in front of the telly with a burger in one hand and a beer in the other,” he says. But unfortunately, some European researchers have got there first and declared vegging out to be healthfully productive. This suggests another possibility. Maybe the idea of productivity itself has been co-opted, to describe the things people like to do, so people can continue to do them, while appearing to be busy.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/06/do-yoga-work-harder-how-productivity-co-opted-relaxation/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/06/do-yoga-work-harder-how-productivity-co-opted-relaxation/

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allofbeercom · 7 years ago

Text

Do yoga, work harder: how productivity co-opted relaxation

Holidays, procrastination and drug-taking were once ways to escape work. Now leisure has been reappropriated to aid work. So is anything actually considered unproductive nowadays?

Screen break … A woman boosts her productivity by looking at the internet. Photograph: Tim Robberts/Getty Images

Hug it out … grappling with your workmates can get the oxytocin flowing. Photograph: Claudia Burlotti/Getty Images

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/06/do-yoga-work-harder-how-productivity-co-opted-relaxation/

0 notes