#poor thing but that’s how it is

[melhekhelmurkun]

The coolest thing about reading a Stephen King book is finding all of the little mentions of other books inside it. Reading Pet Sematary now, he mentioned Cujo at the start and just now he mentioned The Shining (except not the book, he quoted the movie, which is infinitely funny to me considering he hated it lmao). I’m sure there have been other ones I’ve missed since I’ve only read a few of his books (Shining, and Carrie, but I know the story of Cujo, Outsider, and Mist). I can’t wait to do a reread later on when I’ve read more

[qrbits]

penacony game night! 🍕🎮 (zoom in for a bunch of easter eggs :])

[chloesimaginationthings]

Gregory knows he looks LIKE HIM in FNAF..

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Trapped in a vicious cycle of pining? Try gay sex! (More things to learn over at Tiger Tiger!)

[inbabylontheywept]

Soviet Birds.

The secret facility that I work in has holes in the ceiling. We don't know how to get them fixed.

We tried asking the government to fix it, once. We told them that the holes in the older parts of the facility had gotten large enough to fit birds through, and that birds were getting through, and that, perhaps, a Soviet Spy could fit through as well.

After all, it is well known that Soviet Spies and pigeons are approximately the same diameter.

Our hope was that that this vague and nonsensical threat would put a little fire under Uncle Sam's feet. If the fed couldn't be bothered to give a shit about the giant gaping holes in the roof of our facility, perhaps they could be persuaded to give a shit about... Soviet Spies.

This attempt at manipulation 100% blew up in our faces.

See, the government does not need to be persuaded to give a shit about Soviet Spies. It still wakes up most nights, drenched in cold sweat, terrified and confident that a Soviet Spy is hiding in their nightstand. If it sees a rock on the ground, it flips it over, pistol drawn, ready to shoot the Soviet Spy it fully expects to slither out from underneath. Which is to say: The government is crazy. So when we dropped those two words - inflitration risk - in the repair request, they came in guns-a-blazin'.

Does that mean that they fixed the roof? Of course not. Don't be stupid. No, instead of performing basic maintenance, they installed a state of the art alarm system throughout the facility - lasers, sonar, the works - and told us to always be on the guard. Because of the roof holes.

Then they left.

So now we had an extremely good alarm system... and birds. Which have combined in incredibly obvious and predictable ways to produce an unending fountain of problems.

For Example: About once a month, someone gets called in by the local airforce dispatch because AAAAAAAAAAA a Spy is in the Rad Lab! We're all gonna die! Except every time, it's a bird. And I get why we have to check, but every time, the dispatcher is panicked and the person going out has to be like listen, listen: It's a bird. It's always a bird. It's been a bird every month for the last fifteen years. It will be a bird next month. All this stress? Bad for your heart.

Second Example: Sometimes, birds get in while we're actually working. And when it's in the morning, you know, it's a nuisance, and it stops testing (we are not going to risk irradiating a bird) but it's not an all-hands-on-deck situation because it doesn't take ten hours to get a bird out. But surprisingly often, the bird gets in riiiiight at closing time, and in that situation, everyone goes feral because nobody can leave until the alarm is set, and we cannot set the alarm while the bird is there, because the bird would immediately trigger it and then we'd have to stay another 4 hours to confirm that it was not a Soviet Bird.

So in order to go home, everyone's top priority is Get That Bird. And we have a system for it.

Step 1: The test stands tend to be located in rooms with 30+ foot ceilings. We can't catch birds in places like that - so we have to lure the bird into the relatively low ceilinged (8 feet only) upper offices.

We do this by turning all the lights off in the test rooms, then putting floodlights by the exits. I don't know why this works - some kind of evolutionary brain fragment shared by both Bugs and Birds - but work it does. The birds almost always follow after the lights. From there, it’s just two guys moving the floodlight and a third guy to turn off the lights.

Step 2: Everyone else has been waiting for this step. There is this long stairway up from the basement level into the offices, and in the final stage, the floodlights are brought to the base of the stairwell to bring the bird up. At the top of the steps there will be a group of tennish people, waiting for the signal. The light guys will set up the final transfer, everyone will tense, and then, swish...a bird will flit up the stairs and into the offices.

It's like watching werewolves on a full moon. Before the bird cometh, we are engineers. Nerds. Pale and skinny things, trembling under the fluorescent lights. After the bird, we are beasts. Feral, gnawing things, glowing under the orange sunrise of the 70's halogen floodlights.

And like all beasts, we cannot help but give chase.

Step 3: The were-engineers begin the hunt. The goal at the start is not really to catch the bird - just exhaust it. So the pack simply does not relent. Because the stakes are going home on time, the group is basically given free reign to go anywhere in the building. If someone's door is open, and the bird goes inside, they're going to have to deal with ten sweaty panting maniacs leaping around their office. They don't get to say that they're busy, or remark on how all this movement is a terrible distraction. They are allowed to sit in silence during the chaos, and perhaps thank the war party for chasing the bird while they sat comfortably on their ass. This has been explained several times, and it will continue to be explained until cooperation is achieved.

Anyway.

The chase can go on for quite some time. Sometimes, the bird will get tired and find a crevice to hide in, where it can then be reached through standard cornered-bird catching techniques.

Other times, it will slow down enough that someone can actually yoink it out of the air. But this will go on until someone catches the bird and triggers Step 4.

Step 4: The Finale. This is the get-the-bird-out-of-the-building stage, and it requires someone to adopt a specific role: To Become the Sacrificial Vessel of Bird Removal.

This job is both coveted and feared. It's coveted, because holding a wild bird in one's hands is a precious thing. To feel how small, and fragile, and scared it is, only to free it from the building? That is what it's like to be a benevolent God. But the cost! Oh, the cost. The entire time the Vessel is in motion, the bird will be biting the hell out of their fingers. And I cannot emphasize enough just how painful bird bites are. Their entire face is a set of needle posed pliers, and they know tricks the even the cartels haven't figured out yet. So there's always a little hubbub about who shall be The Vessel while onlookers, stranded outside The Office of Bird Capture, can only look on. Quiet arguments and pleas are heard, little fragments of fear and pride and glory trickling out of room like the silver dust left behind in a bag of well shook quarters. The sound of concensus is silence, and the argument will go on until that's all that's left. And then, from the darkness of the final office, the chosen sacrifice will step forward: Hands gently cupped, tears streaming down their face, fingers trembling from the pain of the ongoing bird chomps.

And this scene is what organizes people. Not leadership, not truly. No one can think and coordinate a crowd while their fingers are being attacked with a combination nutcracker/ear piercer. But the crowd sees the suffering of their annointed, and it is driven to do everything poossible to make the process flow. People instinctively flair out, finding the fastest path outside. Doors are held open. Paths are cleared. Someone, somehow, always knows the way forward and can describe it to the sufferer. Left, left, forward. Corner closet. Yep, there's a hall in there. Forward. Two-hundred more feet man, you're doing great. Just hold it together a little longer. You're killing it.

Then the final door swings open, and the bird flees out into what remains of daylight. And yet, even here, the deed is not yet done. I cannot explain it in words, but the crowd that helped is never content until they can see and speak on the Bird Vessel's wounds. They all have to pull the fingers back and see what was given. Estimate the price: One day to get better - No, three - No, a week! Are you blind? Do you see that blood blister? -Yeah, that's not going away anytime soon - Damn, can you believe how feisty those things are? Like wolves without teeth.

(They cannot help but touch as they go. It has always been this way. Even Thomas was not content until he felt the wounds in Christ's hands.)

Only when the last of the helpers has seen, and commented, and commended, will the engineers scatter. It is their return from the underworld that announces to the sun living surface dwellers that they too can go home. (@somerunner tolja it needed to be a post.)

[nouverx]

Vox won the hottest Hazbin Hotel character poll on twitter against Lucifer in the final round and I can't stop thinking about it I love my pathetic TV Girl he deserves it

[writebackatya]

This man is the very definition of a guy who claims he wants a manic pixie girl but can’t handle her

[gkdmts]

chess is fun until the pieces start running around and flipping you off right Leona finished the cloudcalling event yesterday! the best one for me so far, i haven't laughed so much at any other.

da bonus scribble! the chess pieces in question. not gonna finish this one but look at these sillies

[turtletoria]

the krampus incident from the book of bill if it was out of character and stupid

[ursa-arrowbreaker]

Ezra: Wait, wait, wait! Don't you want to take us as prisoners?

Shin: Our orders were to destroy Ezra Bridger and Sabine Wren.

Ezra: Ah, I see the confusion then. I am not Ezra Bridger, my name is Jabba the Hutt.

Sabine: oh no

Shin: ...

Shin: Jabba the Hutt had been dead for seven years.

Ezra: JABBA IS DEAD?!?

[sausage-rolll]

The quiet tragedy of shadow of the erdtree is playing through the DLC, encountering cross after cross along your journey and slowly coming to the haunting realisation that Miquella, the person you’ve been tailing throughout the entirety of the DLC, the creator of the Haligtree and protector of its denizens, the most fearsome and kind demigod of them all… Is long dead.

He’s not at the divine gates seeking godhood. Not really. The person known as Miquella is buried at the base of each and every cross in the land. Survived only by a few select ailing entities. St. Trina, slowly wilting at the bottom of the world, The Scadutree avatar who inherited his greatrune, and Miquella the Kind at the very peak of Enir-Ilim.

He not only abandoned his flesh, but went so far as to fracture his very soul. His doubts, his fear, his love. All abandoned in an attempt to fashion a perfect god. To right the wrongs of his mother and people and finally bring the world peace.

His flesh, his power, his birthright, his fate, his fear, his doubts, his love… after leaving all that behind, how much of what’s left is actually Miquella?

Miquella may have hurt many people in his quest for godhood, but he himself was never spared from that very same pain. He may have stripped Radahn and Mohg of their dignity and sense of self to fashion into the perfect consort, but he was just as willing to do the same to himself to fashion into the perfect god.

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF Glitchtrap really HATES Mike specifically

[c-tepx]

i love how in true dad's fashion chilchuck jokes are incredibly unfunny

like he's VERY good at sarcastic remarks and banter. but jokes? it's clear that he likes to spend his time in the tavern drinking

in my heart i believe that he makes terrible puns too

[somnoir]

Prodigal son beyond time - Part 1

Ra's Al Ghul had a son. No, it's not Dusan we spoke of right now. Ra's Al Ghul's first born child was a peculiar boy that was forged by the Lazarus Pits—or so what he says.

Talia has never met her brother.

Her brother, it has been years since she's found out about him yet her father never gives them a name—he thinks them unworthy of it. Even if he was not present, her brother continues to be the favorite, to be the child their father praised most. His absence is a glaring hole in her father's heart (though she is not sure if he has one).

It is no secret amongst the league that Ra's nameless son was unofficially the heir, even when Damian was born.

Talia has doubted her brother's distance many times, and yet she finds evidence of him over and over again.

Her father writes letters, strange ones that vary in language, dialect, grammar, writing styles. She did not mean to read one when she was young, but she couldn't help herself when she had seen it.

My dearest, son of mine,

It has been an age since last I beheld your presence. I find it most disquieting that you have not seen fit to visit, though I am not ignorant of how poorly time aligns itself with your affairs. Yet still, I dare to hope that you might bestow upon me a portion of your time, if but briefly.

Your siblings have inquired after you once more. Yet I am acutely aware that it would be unwise to bind you to this mortal realm for too great a span. Their hearts, tender and unfortified, lack the endurance I possess to weather the long absences your path necessitates. Nevertheless, I am not blind to the hope you carry—to one day stand before them, whether that moment lies near or far in the veiled expanse of time.

She could not finish the lengthy letter before the letter vanished from her hand, a burst of green and strange liquid slipping from her fingers. Talia had been startled, too young, assuming that this was Lazarus water that has stolen her father's letter.

And she found her father looming behind her, his expression stern get there was amusement in his eyes.

"Your brother is a curious person." Her father hummed, "He's powerful."

"We are not... Allowed to meet him?"

"Not yet. Until you steel your hearts." Ra's nodded, "Your brother does not stay in one place for long. But he is soft hearted and loyal to the family. You give him reason to stay and he will stay."

His hand, firm and guidind, pressed against her shoulder in a tight grip. "And I will not let any of you weaken him."

On that day, Talia realized that her father truly did love her brother. In his own strange way.

The next time she reads a letter, Damian was but a babe of one, cradled in her arms as a letter written on green paper rested in her father's hand. It was open, the wax seal carefully sliced from the envelope.

"Father."

"Talia." He replied nonchalantly, eyes flicking to Damian, his eyes softening momentarily as a longing look slipped to the letter.

Talia's heart tightened, resentful that her father was beginning to see his favorite child on her own son. She could not allow that...

"Your brother has written to me. It has been... Almost a year... Since the last." Ra's hummed, turning to Talia, then Damian, before flicking yet another letter to her. It startled her.

"From your brother." Ra's sighed, "I made the mistake of writing about Damian and now he wishes to meet you first. Not Nyssa, not Dusan—you."

"My brother?" Talia hesitantly accepted the letter. "I do not even know his name..."

Ra's clicked his tongue, "He signed it in his name. You will know from that letter." He paused, glancing back at her. "You have yet to prove yourself worthy, Talia, but... Damian's birth will surely being your brother back home."

Talia's heart palpitated in her chest.

The prospect of her baby, her son, her child—the mere thought that her baby would be the thing that successfully brings her brother home was... Outstanding.

"Read it in your own time... After that, seek me out."

Talia does not know... What to particularly do...

But she takes Damian, watches as her father leaves, and hurries along to her own quarters.

Talia tucks her son into the crib, narrowing her eyes at the nursemaids that were hired to nurture her son. She dismissed them immediately, watching as they silently leave the room. It is only when silence reigns does she takes a seat on her bed as Damian slumbers in his crib.

(Her hands tremble as the letter rested in her hands. It was light, not heavy, her her hands tremble as if she could not handle the weight.)

She takes in a deep breath, takes a dagger and carefully slices it away from envelope. It's intricately made.

The letter is written in the same green paper that her father received.

The letter read as thus:

My Dearest Talia, It would seem that I am now to be regarded as your brother, for Ra's has deemed me his son. Admittedly, this turn of events is of my own doing, as I endeared myself to him centuries past and found solace in his companionship, coming to view him as a father in truth. Yet you, his daughter by blood, remain a stranger to me, as do Nyssa and Dusan. How peculiar it is that Father should act in such a manner, withholding such introductions with his customary inscrutability.

She takes in a deep breath, awes by her brother's penmaniship... And then suddenly the writing style changes. Morphing from the olden age, the formality of a noble, to...

Anyways! Since you're my sister, I don't think I have to keep writing to you the same way Ra's does. It feels awkward to me, y'know?

She was not expecting that change but...

I've always wanted to meet you all. But my duties to my realm are hard. I can't freelt leave. It's especially worse since my world's time doesn't correlate to yours.

You might find the change of writing styles weird, but in all honesty, I'm from the 21st century. It's just that time never did agree with me. Had to comply with the old man on writing like that since he likes it. Weird, right?

But anyways! I heard you had a son! Congrats by the way. I'd like to meet him too, actually. Aside from that, I heard from Ra's you don't know my name.

Well, he's decided to call my Danyal as it's the Arabic version of my original name "Daniel". Though I often go by my nickname Danny. But it has been a delight to write to you, Talia. Hopefully, I'll be able to meet you and your son in the future.

Since you have my name now, you can write me letters too! It'll find me eventually.

Your brother,

Danny

Her brother's name was Danyal... Her brother went by Danny.

Talia blinked.

Her strange brother was a being that traversed through time, a person who was born in the 21st century... Her brother could be somewhere in the world in that moment and in another time the next.

She pressed the letter to her lips, unable to hold back her smile.

She had quite the silly brother...

And amongst her siblings, Talia was the first to know her brother's name. That bit about being able to write letters to him made her finally understand why her father was so possessive of a name.

(In the Infinite realms, High King Phantom received a letter from his estranged younger sister. He really didn't mean to find family in the Demon's head, but he found it anyways.)

Part 2 | Masterlist

[xx-sketchy-xx]

Poor poppy, a three tiered cake is simply not big enough!

[pixie-felix]

Lee Felix Definitely Doesn't Have a Mommy Kink.

Word count: 1.5k

Content: mommy kink, edging, tiny bit of bondage (just wrists), very mild dirty talk (because Felix is a good boy), begging, crying, hand job, blow job, cowgirl... I'm going to hell aren't I?

Heavily inspired by this by @emdaudied

Smut under the cut. Minors dni.

“I do NOT have a mommy kink.”

Felix is so cute when he pouts. Even when he's lying.

“That's not what you said last night…”

“It was ONE TIME.” You love teasing him so much. He turns such a pretty shade of pink, he's all glowy. Not even covering his face with his hands can hide it. “It was just one time.”

“It was literally last night.”

“I was distracted.”

“You were distracted… thinking about your mommy?”

The look of horror on his face as he realises what he just implied is… you wish you could to take a picture of it and hang it on your wall. You know Felix doesn't call his mother mommy, but that's not the point you're making here.

“You were thinking about your mommy last night, while I was riding you like a prize pony?”

He's like a fish out of water, gulping for air and looking a little more than mildly alarmed.

“It's okay baby, I don't mind. I can be your mommy if it gets you off…”

“I DON'T HAVE A MOMMY KINK!”

“...wanna prove that?”

Felix is so cute with hands tied above his head, a whimpering shivering mess as you deny him his third orgasm.

“Are you going to be a good boy now?"

Felix is always a good boy, but it's just so fun to make him beg for it.

“I'll be a good boy, I'm your good boy, I'll be such a good boy for you…"

His babbling stops with a help as you run a finger up his shaft, swirling around his weeping cockhead. His eyes wide and lips parted as he watches you gathering his pearly essence on your fingertip, holding it up to show him, before sucking your finger into your mouth.

His moan is music.

But you like it better when he uses his words.

“P-p-please baby, please baby, please baby just fucking touch me…”

The look of relief on his face when you decide to finally have mercy and start jerking him off properly. Between that face and the rock solid meatstick in your hand, the one that's brought you so much pleasure… it's enough to make you drip.

But no one likes a dry hand job, so you make sure to spit on his dick for lube before you start dragging your hand up and down. Noice and firm, the way Felix likes it best.

“Y-yes, yes, ye-esss, please baby just like that- don't stop, baby please don't stop…”

He's so desperate to cum. But he also never wants you to stop.

So he squeezes his eyes shut. He wants to watch you play with his cock, it's one of his favourite things. But he's not ready for this to end yet, so he has to deny himself the view of watching you pleasure him.

He's a mess.

Oh, the beautiful agony of edgeplay.

You love edging him, watching him get all sweaty, his hair sticking to his slick forehead as he writhes at your touch.

But you're a fully grown woman with needs of your own. And what you need, is Felix's dick. Preferably fucking you blind.

But before that, you've got a point to prove.

So you start working up the pace, quickening your wrist until you're going fast enough to make your arm start to cramp.

Felix is practically vibrating with the effort to keep still and not buck up into your hand. (Like the last three times, and the last three denied orgasms.)

“Keep still baby, you know the rules. Aren't you supposed to be a good boy?”

“I'm a good boy, I'm a fucking good boy, I'm your good boy-” Felix interrupts himself with a particularly beautiful moan, “I'll do anything you f-fucking say, I fucking promise, just please baby… please.”

He has been a good boy. He deserves a special treat.

his eyes snap open when he feels your lips around his cock, lapping at his slit. Crying out when you start digging your tongue into it. You should really get him a sounding rod.

Maybe for Christmas.

He's getting more and more desperate as you tease him with your tongue. From the way his hands are flexing in their restraints, you know he's fantasing about grabbing your head and forcing you down.

Making you take him nice and deep so he can fuck the back of your throat. Gagging around him, drowning somewhere between his dick and your own spit.

Well, his wish is your command.

Smacking sounds fill the room as you suck him down, making sure to make it messy.

“Oh god, just like that. Just like th-that. Feels so go-o-ood-”

It's amazing what a little drool can do to a man.

You speed up a little, cutting off his words mid sentence as his dick hits the back of your throat. You both love it when Felix is reduced to a whimpering mess by your touch, but today you're sucking him off with purpose.

You're going to make him say it.

It won't be long now.

He's so close to giving in, you know it.

He's biting his lips, trying so hard not to say it, but you know.

And when you start humming contentedly as his legs start to shake, you know that he knows you know.

“Mmm-mm-mmm…”

The obscene, wet pop as you release his dick from your mouth is almost drowned out by his cry.

And he is crying, looking at you with wide eyes, tears gathering at the corner as you sit up. Licking your lips like his salty precum is the most delicious thing you've ever tasted.

“Is there something you want, baby?”

“Mm-mm…” His moans are almost squeaky now. He's desperate for you.

You switch to his favourite position, moving so that you're on your knees, straddling him with just enough space that his dick is barely skimming your cunt. The tears start to fall, and he whimpers.

There's a reason cowgirl is a classic.

You take him in hand and slo-o-owly brush him up and down your folds, listening to his choked sobs as you coating him in your slick. Taunting him, teasing him. Showing him how fucking wet you are, as your juices run down his dick.

He breaks.

“M-mommy.” It's quiet, barely more than a whisper, but he said it. “Mommy.”

He's being too quiet. So you kick up the teasing a notch, lining him up with your entrance and pushing down just slightly. Just a little giving, but nowhere near enough to actually penetrate.

He knows what you want.

“Mommy, please.” You let him have a little more, lowering yourself onto his tip a fraction more, but he's being too quiet.

“Mommyyyy….”

Felix’s voice breaks. He knows he's lost, so there's no point holding back now.

“Use me mommy. Use me. Please.”

Well, how could you refuse?

You sink down, taking him balls deep in one fluid stretch.

Usually you'd take your time, savour the feeling of him stretching you out.

Teasing him, making him beg for you. Beg for you to to go a little faster, a little harder.

A little more “please mommy yes mommy just like that mommy mommy mommy moMMY a-aa-aaa-”

But today you're going to ride him like a prize fucking pony straight out the gate.

Fucking the cum out of both of you while Felix begs for it like the good boy he is.

“M-mommy please, p-please let me cum. Please let me cum mommy, I’ve been so good. I've been a good boy, I've been such a good boy, please let me cum mommy please let me cum…”

The faster you bounce, the louder he pleads.

“-please mommy please mommy please please please momMY PLEASE MOMMY PLEASE MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMM-”

He cums so hard you swear you feel him shoot through your cervix. Coating your insides white and sticky as he breaks out of his wrist restraints, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you down.

Squashing your tits against his chest, holding you bruise-tight as he ruts up into you, giving you absolutely everything as he tries to fuck you through his orgasm.

That's what sends you over.

You've been mean and unfair and teasing him for hours, but. Felix is a good boy who always wants to get you off.

Fucking you even when he's overstimulated and sore, until he finally feels you clenching around him, clenching around him hard as your orgasm hits you like a freight train.

It takes you both a few moments to recover, the room silent except for the sound of panting.

You try to detangle yourself, but Felix just pulls you closer, humming happily, his arms like a vice. Pulling you close like you're a blanket he wants to wrap himself up in and never leave.

He relents eventually, murmuring sweet things and cupping your face with his hands as you kiss him deeply.

He's a good boy.

“Such a good boy.”

“Mmm…” His after sex sounds are some of your favourites.

“...a good boy with a mommy fetish.”

Felix groans and hides his face in your neck.

“Shut up.”

this is a side blog so any reposts are appreciated, I will repay you in cake and pixie dust 🧚‍♀️

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