#poor lamb ☹️

[hawkinsincorrect]

Steve, every time his tummy hurts:

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (75)

*The wrong phone call*

Sejanus: Hey, Babe.

Coryo: Yes, Babe?

Sejanus: Can I ask you a question?

Coryo: What’s wrong? Are you being bullied again?

Sejanus: No. I-

Coryo: Who was it? Was it Jubilee? Peacekeeper Joe? I’ll ask Urban and Pup to fight them for us.

Sejanus: No need! I just want to know someone’s phone number.

Coryo: But you already have our phone numbers. Even Arachne’s and Livia’s.

Sejanus: I know.😔

Coryo: So who do you want to call? Lepidus Malmsey? Lucky Flickerman?

Sejanus: Oh, Panem, no. I don’t like weird magical clowns.

Coryo: Mama Cardew?

Sejanus: Heck, no! She might even kill me with my family’s taxes.

Coryo: President Ravinstill?

Sejanus: He’s a dinosaur.

Coryo: Mrs. Aurelia Ravinstill?

Sejanus: Aurelia? Who’s that?

Coryo: The Vice President of Panem.

Sejanus: Oh, she’s the one who’s extremely allergic to charity, poor people, and homeless Hilari!😀

Coryo: Yes, that’s right.

Sejanus: At least our poor Felix didn’t inherit his mean mother’s explosive temper.

Coryo: Fortunately.

Sejanus: Thank Panem.

Coryo: So who is it?

Sejanus: Who’s what?

Coryo: Who do you want to call?

Sejanus: Oh, right! I almost forgot. Do you perhaps know the phone number of Professor Sickle?

Coryo: No. Why?

Sejanus: I accidentally left my ✨Bread Body Bag✨ inside her office yesterday and I really need it back before my Ma finds out.

Coryo: You left your precious B.B.B inside Professor Sickle’s office?!

Sejanus: Yeah, but to be fair, I was busy searching for something very important-

Coryo: You were busy searching for my pretty feet pics, weren’t you?

Sejanus: And Creed’s.

Coryo: I knew it.😑

Sejanus: So. . .

Coryo: Ask Ney Ney. She’s her fam.

Sejanus: Ok! Whatever you say, my love!😍 *turns to Vipsania* Hey, Ney Ney!

Vipsania: *is sleeping like a pure little lamb*

Sejanus: She’s asleep.☹️

Coryo: Not for long.

Sejanus: What do you mean?

Coryo: Hey, Ney Ney, your beloved dumbbells and expensive running shoes are on fire! They’re on fire!

Vipsania: *immediately wakes up* Call the fire brigade and Creed’s working ambulance right now!

Coryo: I’m poor.

Vipsania: Call my daddy too!

Sejanus: Ney Ney, calm down. We’re just kidding-

Vipsania: But don’t tell my mommy! She will celebrate my demise!😭

Coryo: Vipsania Sickle, for the love of Panem, do you know your auntie’s phone number?!

Vipsania: My auntie’s what?

Coryo: Phone number!

Vipsania: Why?

Coryo: My boyfriend needs it.

Sejanus: I’m Coryo’s boyfriend.😀

Coryo: We know, Babe.

Sejanus: Just saying.

Vipsania: What do I get in return?

Coryo: What do you want?

Vipsania: The latest treadmill?

Sejanus: Deal!

Vipsania: Fine. Give me your phone. I’ll call her myself.

Festus: *walks in* Hey, guys!

Vipsania: Hey, Creed!

Hilarius: We’re back!

Apollo: We brought snacks!

Diana: Banana!

Felix: Hey, Coryo, I brought you your daily cabbage. Catch!

Coryo: Thanks, Class Pres! You’re the best!

Felix: You’re welcome.

Sejanus: How about me?😀

Coryo: You’re my boyfriend. You’re always the best in my eyes, Babe.

Sejanus: Coryo, kiss.😘

Coryo: Later.

Sejanus: When?

Coryo: After lunch.

Sejanus: Broom closet?🥺

Coryo: As always.

Sejanus: Yey!

Hilarius: How about me?😀

Coryo: No.

Hilarius: But I want a kiss too.😢

Coryo: Get your own sugar daddy.

Hilarius: Hey, Felix!

Felix: No.

Hilarius: Is your crazy President Gran Gran still available?

Felix: What the f*ck, Hilari!

Hilarius: Is he?

Felix: He’s like a hundred years old! He’s a dinosaur!

Hilarius: Just asking.

Felix: Don’t ask me again.

Hilarius: Is your daddy available?

Felix: He’s happily married!

Hilarius: How about your crazy uncle Achilles? Is he available?

Felix: He’s in prison!

Hilarius: For what?

Felix: For smuggling fireworks.

Hilarius: That’s illegal?

Felix: No. He just wanted to fly.

Hilarius: Dammit.

Coryo: Bro, I thought that you were pregnant with Strabo Plinth’s baby.

Hilarius: Oh, that’s right! Thanks for reminding me, Snowy.

Coryo: Anytime, virgin.

Hilarius: Sejanus, pay up.

Sejanus: Ask my old man.

Hilarius: Mr. Plinth scares me and I need money right now.

Sejanus: I’m not paying child support.

Hilarius: But we’re family!

Sejanus: You’re not my Coryo and you’re not carrying my baby!

Coryo: That’s right!

Hilarius: But good sir, my poor miracle baby is still your half brother!

Sejanus: Your fake baby with Strabo Plinth is not my half brother!

Hilarius: Half sister?

Sejanus: You’re dead to me.

Hilarius: Coryo, help!😫

Coryo: Lol. I’m recording this.

Festus: So what’s up?

Vipsania: We’re calling my auntie.

Festus: What for?

Felix: Are we in trouble?

Hilarius: Is the gym on fire?

Apollo: Are we dancing again?

Diana: Banana?

Coryo: No. My Seji Pie left his precious B.B.B inside her office yesterday.

Diana: B.B.B?

Coryo: Bread Body Bag.

Festus: Lol. His Ma will kill him.

Sejanus: My Ma will kill me.🥲

Vipsania: Then stop crying and whining and give me your most expensive phone right now.

Sejanus: Here.

Vipsania: Thanks. *starts pressing random numbers*

Festus: Yo, it’s ringing!

Coryo: Obviously.🙄

Felix: Are we even allowed to call Professor Sickle?

Hilarius: Calling your auntie is not illegal, Class Pres.

Felix: In my family, it is.

Vipsania: Well, she’s my aunt and I’m her favorite niece. She’ll answer my calls. Just you wait.

Felix: Turn the volume up. I want to hear the conversation.

Apollo: I wanna hear it too!

Diana: Banana?🥺

Vipsania: Fine. There.

Com.Hoff: *picks up the phone* Hello? This is District 12’s Commander Hoff speaking.

Coryo: Commander who?

Felix: District 12?

Vipsania: Auntie?😀

Sejanus: *quickly grabs the phone* Professor, I’m so sorry but can you give me back my precious ✨Bread Body Bag✨?!

Com.Hoff: Your what?

Sejanus: My body bag!

Com.Hoff: Body bag? What body bag?!

Sejanus: Are you Professor Sickle?

Com.Hoff: Are you a rebel?

Sejanus: A what?

Com.Hoff: Are you a rebel?!

Sejanus: No. I’m baby.

Com.Hoff: Tell me the truth, boy!

Sejanus: I’m baby!

Com.Hoff: Are you stupid?!

Coryo: *grabs the phone* Why are you shouting at my sugar daddy, you creep?!

Com.Hoff: Sugar daddy?!

Coryo: He pays for my bills and groceries!

Com.Hoff: So?

Coryo: Creep.

Com.Hoff: I’m not a creep!

Hilarius: Are you a pole dancer?

Com.Hoff: A what?!

Hilarius: A pole dancer!

Com.Hoff: I’m the commander!

Hilarius: A commanding pole dancer?

Felix: Is that a new position?

Apollo: Cool.

Com.Hoff: No!

Festus: How much do you make?

Diana: How much for a dance?

Com.Hoff: Where’s the body bag?!

Coryo: None of your business!

Com.Hoff: Tell me now!

Coryo: No! My Seji Pie will cry!

Sejanus: I will cry!

Com.Hoff: Where are you?

Coryo: Where are you?!

Com.Hoff: I’m in District 12!

Coryo: You’re a forest hippie and a pole dancer?!

Diana: Nice! A versatile man!

Com.Hoff: I’m not versatile!

Vipsania: In bed?

Com.Hoff: What the actual f*ck.

Festus: So you’re a loser?

Com.Hoff: Give me your current location.

Felix: Sorry. We’re still planning our next class vacation.

Com.Hoff: Where are you?!

Festus: In your mom’s ugly closet!

Hilarius: Under your pathetic bed!

Apollo: Behind your back!

Diana: Banana!

Com.Hoff: You bastards!

Festus: I’m stealing her hats!

Felix: And I’m wearing her dress!

Hilarius: Oh, look! An eyeliner!

Com.Hoff: Give them back!

Hilarius: Do you want to see my pretty feet pics? I’m selling.😀

Com.Hoff: How much?

Hilarius: 50 bucks.

Com.Hoff: I will find you and I will kill you-

Vipsania: Wrong number!

Com.Hoff: Don’t hang up!

Festus: Bye, loser!

Com.Hoff: I’ll buy those feet pics!

Hilarius: Really?😀

Com.Hoff: Are they prettier than General Crassus Snow’s feet pics?

Coryo: F*ck no. *hangs up*

Vipsania: So who wants pasta?

Coryo: Ney Ney, don’t tell me-

Vipsania: Yeah, I don’t know my favorite auntie’s current phone number. Sorry.

Coryo: That’s impossible.

Vipsania: I was kicked out of the house, remember?😢

Coryo: Do you want a tissue?

Vipsania: Give me the whole box.

Festus: Let’s call again!

Apollo: Let me try! *grabs the phone and dials a random phone number* There!

Diana: It’s ringing. I’m excited!😆

Felix: Shh! Somebody might hear us.

Hilarius: I just hope they’ll buy my feet pics.

Coryo: Hilari, please-

Hilarius: Poor homeless Hilari needs some fast cash right now.

Festus: And poor Festus Creed needs poor homeless Hilarius Heavensbee to pay his freaking rent!

Hilari: I’m trying my best!

Festus: Penelope disagrees.

Hilarius: She’s a rat!

Festus: And she disagrees!

Sejanus: I still need to get my body bag though.☹️

Coryo: Don’t be too sad, Babe. We’ll just ask Anderson to steal your bread bag later.

Sejanus: Ok!☺️

Vipsania: Quiet!

Mayfair: *picks up the phone* Hello? This is District 12’s Mayor’s daughter speaking.

Coryo: Ew! A cheater!

Mayfair: Lucy Gray?!

Diana: Are you a pole dancer too?

Mayfair: Who the f*ck is this?!

Apollo: I’m the sun god!

Diana: And I’m the moon goddess!

Hilarius: And I’m having your dear daddy’s miracle baby next summer!

Mayfair: My daddy’s what?!

Hilarius: Pay up, sister!

Mayfair: I’m not your sister!

Hilarius: I need child support!

Mayfair: Go f*ck yourself!

Coryo: Your daddy’s a cheater!

Mayfair: And you’re a stupid whor-

Sejanus: Take that back!

Mayfair: Cry harder, loser!

Coryo: Well, tell your stupid boyfriend to suck a f*ckin’ di-

Mayfair: *hangs up*

Coryo: The audacity! Call her again, Class Pres!

Felix: Fine. *dials back*

Mayfair: Hello? This is Mayfair-

Coryo: Suck a d*ck!

Mayfair: F*ck you, you whor-

Coryo: *immediately hangs up* There! I won. I’m happy now.☺️

Sejanus: I’m happy too!

Festus: My turn! *grabs the phone*

Diana: Me next!

Hilarius: But-

Festus: It’s ringing!

Apollo: Felix, you answer!

Felix: I hope it’s not my mom.

Hilarius: Or mine.

Festus: My “dearest” mommy never picks up my calls.

Coryo: Creed, do you need a hug?

Festus: Yes, please.

Coryo: *hugs Festus*

Sejanus: I need a hug too!

Coryo: Fine. Come here.

Sejanus: Yey!

Elmer: *picks up the phone* Hello? This is District 13’s Elmer Coin speaking.

Felix: Elmer Coin?

Elmer: Yes, I’m Elmer Coin.

Felix: Never heard of you before.

Elmer: I’m the current president of District 13!

Felix: What’s District 13?

Apollo: Are you the mole people?

Elmer: Seriously?

Festus: District 13 doesn’t exist.

Elmer: Who told you that lie?

Festus: It’s a universal truth, you uncultured swine!

Elmer: District 13 still exist!

Coryo: I’m poor. So I need to disagree.

Elmer: I swear we still exist!

Felix: My mommy said you don’t!

Elmer: Your poor mother’s wrong.

Felix: My mommy is never wrong and she’s allergic to poor people.

Elmer: I’m not poor!

Felix: Not on my mommy’s watch!

Elmer: Your evil government is brainwashing your mother!

Felix: My mommy is literally the Vice President of Panem.

Elmer: She’s the VP?!

Felix: And my lovely daddy is her secretary.

Elmer: Seriously?!

Hilarius: *grabs the phone from Felix* Do you want to buy my pretty feet pics? They’re on sale.

Elmer: Who are you?!

Hilarius: I’m Hilarius.

Elmer: You’re not funny.

Hilarius: But I’m Hilarius!

Elmer: Are you rebels?

Felix: I’m allergic to rebels.

Elmer: Not you, you freak.

Felix: I’m not a freak. I’m a sweet baby Ravinstill.

Elmer: Same thing.

Coryo: Are you a mole person?

Elmer: I’m not a mole!

Hilarius: Do you live underground?

Elmer: That’s none of your business!

Apollo: Do you sell glue?

Elmer: How old are you?

Apollo: Physically or mentally?

Sejanus: I’m from District 2 and I’m old enough to screw!😀

Coryo: We know, Babe.

Elmer: That’s great! You’re one of us! Do you need some help?

Sejanus: On my biology homework? Of course!

Elmer: Homework?

Sejanus: Yes, homework! Our insane Professor will most likely fail me.

Elmer: Why?

Sejanus: She hates me and I’m dumb.

Festus: Same.

Apollo: Do mole people like to eat snakes or spiders?

Elmer: I’m not a mole!

Apollo: Doubt.

Elmer: Am I talking to a bunch of stupid children right now?!

Vipsania: Maybe.

Sejanus: My gorgeous Snow Bae and I will be having 24 kids and more!😊

Elmer: You’ll have 24 kids?!

Sejanus: And more!

Vipsania: I’m baby.

Coryo: Jealous, Elmer?

Elmer: You’re a child!

Coryo: My boyfriend’s rich and I’m pregnant!

Hilarius: I’m pregnant too!

Elmer: So?

Hilarius: So pay up, Elmer!

Elmer: Pay up?!

Hilarius: I need child support!

Elmer: I’m not paying anything!

Hilarius: It’s your baby!

Elmer: *immediately hangs up*

Hilarius: The audacity! *dials back*

Elmer: Hello? This is D13’s leader-

Hilarius: Pay my f*ckin’ child support, you b*tch!

Elmer: Go away!

Hilarius: You’re a mole f*cker!

Elmer: A what?!

Hilarius: *quickly hangs up* So who’s hungry?😊

Festus: I’m hungry.

Coryo: Me too. Let’s eat.

[cinderellaenjoyer]

Ride the Cyclone Swap AU! Including my OCs Serenity and Mary-Ann because I can do whatever I want

Ocean - The Angriest Girl In Town (Swapped with Mischa). She's mad at the world, mostly her parents (and herself).

Noel - The Boy From Out Of Town. When he said he wanted a tragic death he meant he wanted to FEEL it. Not have a sudden heart attack and only realise when he's in the warehouse. Why does the Choir get one not fair ☹️😡

Mischa - The Nicest Boy In Town. Instead of being bitter about it, he really, REALLY wants Uranium to like him despite him not growing up there. Is more of a pushover in this AU.

Ricky - The Most Misunderstood Boy In Town. Unlike Serenity, his title comes from him being treated as some poor, helpless little boy, and not a teenager who just so happens to have a disability. Still has his wild imagination in this AU, it's just less prominent.

Penny Lamb - The Most Imaginative Girl In Town. A lot of things that happened in Legoland are not only made up in this AU, but full-on rewritten into an action hero story. Johny Moon' is now a traitor/ villain instead of a musician. She did still get bullied here, but it's a little better than in Legoland.

Constance Blackwood - The Most Successful Girl In Town. She's still nice here, but less of a pushover. Now people only see her as this successful high-achiever. It was great at first, but, well, it starts to make you tired when success is expected of you.

Mary-Ann Watson - The Most Romantic Girl In Town. She moved from her old town to Uranium in this AU when she was a kid, but still feels out of place. Started romantizing everything to feel better about not really fitting in. She actually wants to travel when she's older. Ran a lemonade stand for some time to get money for it. Her only costumers were kids and the choir.

Serenity Laurance - 'Jane Doe'. Her personality in life was more or less the same, but it lead to a lot of people not actually knowing who she was. Parents had something out of town on the day of the fair + she didn't get to concert on time, so when a body was found without a head, she was ORIGINALLY put as a Jane Doe. Later did get identified irl by her parents, but since she never got her fortune read, stays a Jane Doe in the warehouse. Still has trouble socialising as Jane Doe, but instead of being cynical, she's just. Very weird and off putting (love her for it)

Virgil is a rat with the power to a person back to life and can talk in this world. He's the narrator in this world, Karnak just reads fortunes and handles the choreography. Noel HATES Virgil because he's a jerk. Like OG! Mary-Ann, he's not happy Karnak knew his death would happen and didn't say, but is generally cool with Karnak.