#poor bean was just *blood everywhere*

[aphrodisiac-siren]

Home~ Neteyam x Metkayina!reader

Summary: Leaving behind everything he knew was hard for Neteyam and then adapting to the ways of the new clan was even harder. He'd push himself, overwork and exhaust himself even, to live upto his family's expectations; never really giving his own wants a second thought. That's why Y/N was the prefect companion for him, someone who kept things in his life balanced, who made sure to let him know that what he wanted was just as important, perhaps even more so, than what everyone else wanted of him.

//slow burn, cute fluff, Neteyam being a sad bean//

masterlist, Part 4

Part 3

🫧

Jake was sure his eyes would pop out of their sockets any minute now. With every word his sons uttered his blood pressure only went higher and higher to a point where he was sure he was due for a stroke. From what he was hearing he was affirmative he passed down only a singular braincell that was being shared by his sons.

"You said what" Jake's voice cracked, hand flying up to pull at his hair "Neteyam she is the chief’s daughter!"

"I know, I screwed up" the older boy hung his head in shame, still cringing at how he handled the situation.

"And you didn’t disappoint as well did ya? You beat up the chief’s son" Jake turned to Lo'ak who was also looking everywhere but at him "He takes us in, trains us and this is how you show appreciation? By harassing his kids"

"He was picking on Kiri" Lo'ak tried to defend himself, knowing well that it wouldn’t work.

"Go make peace with Aonung" his father sighed "I don’t care how you do it but just.. go"

Lo'ak walked away in defeat, in no mood whatsoever to argue. Besides, he did agree that the situation could’ve been handled better and they both did contribute to making the situation worse than it already was.

"And I didn’t really expect this from you of all people" Jake continued once his youngest son was out of earshot "what were you thinking, talking to the poor girl like that?"

"I'm sorry, I was being an idiot" Neteyam apologised. He had kept his own feelings under wraps for so long, only concerned with looking after his siblings to a point where he had finally reached his limit and like a bomb, exploded earlier that day "I'll go fix it"

"Damn right you will" His dad let out another disappointed sigh "now get outta here"

_

Neteyam dragged his feet through the sand, absolutely dreadding having to face Y/N again. He was sure she hated him now, she'd made it pretty clear by letting them know that she wouldn’t volunteer to train them any longer and he wanted to run into a wall for ruining everything. His siblings liked her, they loved every second they spent with the girl and he made a mess of it by allowing his emotions to possess him.

He begrudgingly searched around the village, not really sure of what he could possibly say that would fix the damage he caused.

What he did not expect, on top of all of this, was to find Y/N with his mother. They both were practising archery, or more like Y/N was struggling to keep up with Neytiri.

"Yes, keep your shoulders pushed back" She circled the younger girl, giving her helpful critique "no, don’t hold on to the arrow so tightly"

The boy sheepishly approached, a bit more nervous than what he already was.

“Neteyam?” His mother called out when she finally saw him, shifting even Y/N’s attention to him. The moment her saphire eyes landed on him, he felt small, all his pride and confidence from before withering away under her gaze.

“Am I interrupting?” He asked, offering a polite smile nonetheless.

“No, you can come and help Y/N” Neytiri responded. She knew her children liked to spend time with the girl, completely oblivious of the events that took place earlier that day.

“It’s okay” Y/N immediately butted in, keeping her voice steady “he’s probably got other stuff to do”

“Not really” Neteyam knew she didn’t want him there but he wasn’t going to leave until he had a chance to properly apologise “no lessons today, remember?”

“Why not?” His mother asked, curiously.

“I got held up with something” Y/N lied convincingly and Neteyam understood that she wasn’t planning on telling anyone about what happened earlier. He was a smidge grateful for it, he wasn’t really wanting to earn a scolding from his mother as well.

“I can help you with this you know” he tried again, pushing his luck and hoping she’d just let him stay.

“No thank you, I’m fine” she snapped without missing a beat, looking toward the makeshift target once again and away from him.

Neytiri glanced between the two teens. The tension among them was intense and evident. What had suddenly caused such a weird atmosphere between them?

Her eyes searched her son’s and he stared right back her pleadingly and she could tell that he wanted to be around Y/N whilst she was actively trying to be rid of him. Something clearly went down between the both of them and the best thing to do was to take a step back and let the two of them sort things out.

“I have to make sure Tuk is with Kiri” the older woman made up a reason to excuse herself “I will be back, keep practicing”

She gave her son a look before she walked away, leaving behind a thankful Neteyam and an annoyed Y/N.

“Here” he sweetly approached her, reaching out to fix her form but she simply shifted away with an ‘I’m good’ and continued to shoot arrows that missed the target “trust me, I’m just trying to help”

Still not meeting his gaze, Y/N silently nocked another arrow. This time she didn’t scoot away from him so Neteyam took it as a ‘go’ for him to help her out. He was quite good at archery, he’d earned good praise from the other hunters in his clan.

He placed his hands under her forearms to raise her hand a bit that had begun to droop from tiredness. He then lifted her elbows slightly, inching closer until his nose was almost grazing her cheek.

“Loose” he whispered, right before she let the arrow whizz through the wind and hit the target. Not the centre, but still quite close. Impressive really for someone’s first lesson.

“I did it!” She happily chirped, as if she’d forgotten she was upset with him. Her face lit up and she chuckled with pure joy before she cleared her throat, regaining her stoic composure.

“I’m sorry about what I said” he wasted no time, lest she picked up her stuff and left. She already seemed to not want him around “it was arrogant and ungrateful of me. I was trying to defend my siblings but I guess I ended up letting out all of my pent up frustration on you, a-and that was wrong of me”

He was relieved that she at the very least was listening to him so he continued.

“I didn’t mean what I said, that you’re nothing more than a privileged girl” he looked at her, hoping she’d meet his eyes but she didn’t “we both know that’s not true and I fully understand why you wouldn’t want to be around me anymore. I won’t show up to your lessons if that’s what you want, but don’t distance yourself from Lo’ak, Kiri, Tuk- they like to be around you”

“That’s not what I want you know” she put away the bow to go retrieve the many arrows that had missed the target, now scattered in the sand “I thought we’d all get along. I liked being around them too, you included”

Neteyam’s ears pointed upward, like a child hearing praise from a parent.

“But then you said the most cruel things today, things I never thought you’d ever utter” she continued sadly “and I thought maybe I was wrong about you-“

“I’m sorry” he said again, feeling really stupid that that’s all he could really say “it’s been hard leaving the forest. That was my home, it’s all I’ve ever known. And then all of a sudden I’m in a place where I don’t know how to do the simplest of things, I feel useless”

“You aren’t useless, I know Aonung likes to poke fun and I know you miss your home but I really wished you’d just come and spoken to me about it instead of being mean to me” she finally looked at him, her pretty eyes saddened “I thought we’d be friends”

“We can be!” He said almost too enthusiastically, cheeks heating up slightly at his childish eagerness “I’ll make it up to you”

“How” she crossed her arms and tilted her head, patiently waiting for him to come up with something.

Neteyam pouted as he thought for a minute, wondering what he could possibly do for the daughter of Tonowari that would make her give him another chance. She was already a princess of a sort, probably too used to receiving gifts.

After another minute of thinking, he broke into a grin.

“Wait here” he held his hands out in front of him, asking her to stay put

“Huh-“ Y/N walked behind him, her hand dropping the arrows to the ground again “I’m still mad at you Neteyam”

“You won’t be after this” he smirked at her before fully breaking into a sprint “hopefully”

Y/N watched the boy run off into the distance, wondering what he could possibly do to change her mood.

Knowing some of the boys here on the island, most of them would give her shells or wild flowers when she’d be upset. And if not the small gifts, then a forced apology that Aonung bullied them into.

She loved her brother, despite his pride and snarky attitude. Which is why she was also very protective of him. If he was at fault, she’d confront him no doubt but privately, away from the eyes of the public. She wasn’t the type to tell him off and embarrass him in front of anyone else who wasn’t their family. Which is why when she saw him scuffed up earlier, her initial response was for him to go and get himself looked after.

Did she really not deal with it correctly?

Did she favour her brother to much for his own good?

No, definitely not.

The familiar sound of flapping was what made her look up, taking away her thoughts completely from the situation she was thinking about.

“Y/N” Neteyam called out to her even though she already knew it was him.

His majestic ikran let out a screech as it made its descent, landing in the sand gracefully a few feet away from the girl.

“It’s really cool that you can swim fast and all, but I think you’ll find flying even cooler” he patted his ikran’s back, at the space right behind him on the saddle “come on”

Y/N was excited, probably a little too much. Her heart began to flutter and eyes were probably doing that thing again of just staring at the beast with wonder. She slowly walked toward the boy, trying to conceal her enthusiasm.

Neteyam chuckled at her reaction. It was obvious she was dying to get on but he knew she wouldn’t just show it on her face.

“First time seeing an ikran?” He joked, quoting himself during their first encounter when he caught her gawking. He held his hand out to her, looking at her with that same boyish grin he’d have on his face whenever she was around.

“Shut up” she rolled her eyes playfully as she took his hand, swinging one leg over the saddle and seating herself right behind him.

“Hold on tight” he turned around slightly to look at her, faces merely inches apart. Her eyes had flecks of lilac in them, he noted, something he hadn’t really noticed before “you’re going to love this”

Y/N did as she was told, wrapping her arms around his middle as he clicked his tongue a few times. His ikran spread out its large wingspan, letting out a short screech before flapping its wings and taking off.

Y/N shut her eyes tightly at the first gust of wind that blew against her face, tightening the grip around the boy’s torso.

“Open your eyes, you have to see this” she could hear the laughter in his voice as they arose higher and higher into the night sky “don’t worry, I won’t let you fall ma Y/N”

Blindly trusting him, since she was already a couple feet into the sky, she opened on eye and then slowly the other. A smile formed on her lips at how beautiful her home looked from up here. The waters glowed in its bioluminescence and sky was littered with stars.

“You know my dad came from that star” Neteyam pointed it out to her, looking back to see if she was too spotted it “you see it?”

“I see it” she confirmed, her laughter sounding like music to Neteyam’s ears amidst the wind.

As they circled around the village, Neteyam kept glancing back to look at her, as if he wanted to make sure she was truly enjoying this and to admire the smile for which he was responsible.

She doesn’t hate me now, he thought to himself, there’s no way she does anymore.

After a few more rounds around the islands, Neteyam landed his ikran near their shack. He wanted to keep flying, that was the one thing he loved to do even back home but he knew the poor thing was probably tired.

“Had fun?” he asked Y/N on their walk back, knowing the answer already.

“Mhm, I did-“

“Y/N!”

Both her and Neteyam looked toward the source of the sound: Aonung. He looked troubled, still bruised, but not the point.

“I screwed up” he told his sister, throwing a nervous glance at the Sully boy next to her.

“What happened?” His sister asked, looking at him with concern.

“I took Lo’ak to hunt outside the reef” he hesitantly said, refusing to look his sister in the eye and disappoint her even more than he already had “we left him behind as a joke but it’s been a while and he hasn’t come back”

“What” both Neteyam and Y/N exclaimed in sync, eyes going wide with panic.

“Oh my this is bad, this is bad..” Y/N was beginning to grow anxious, pacing around both the boys as she worked herself up even more.

“Hey okay, calm down” Neteyam held her by the shoulders, trying to keep her from falling apart. They needed to keep their heads cool, despite him wanting to punch Aonung in the face again “look Lo’ak might be an idiot but he can handle himself, he’s fine”

Y/N only nodded.

“Now, I’m going to go find my dad and tell him what we know” he glared at Aonung before looking at Y/N again, face softened “you go and tell your father”

“Right” Y/N nodded again, patting his arm “take Aonung with you pretty boy, and I’ll arrange for a few people to go look for Lo’ak”

“Sounds good” he then turned to her brother who was dead silent. He caught him by the back of his neck, not caring if he was rough about it “come on”

The three of them split up, hoping to hurry and find Lo’ak. He knew he’d only just mentioned that his brother was probably fine but he couldn’t deny he was worried shitless. This was a new turf, some place they were still unfamiliar with and getting lost out here was not something either of them could handle alone. And not to- wait..

She thinks I’m pretty?

[pixelchills]

Oh gawd, I know I haven't really followed The Sun and Moon show and have been a bit annoyed by some people assuming my work or AU has something to do with the channel but I've been catching up lately, and I must say that I take back some of the stuff I've previously said about the show :D

Like, yes, as a person who prefers to see Sun and Moon as a couple, the whole brother thing just bothers me a bit, and at the beginning of their channel, Moon was always very violent and mean to Sun, which caused me to just stop watching altogether. I can't stand seeing Moon being mean to Sun, even if they're portrayed as brothers (virus-Moon is an exception tho. just a weird personal preference.)

But I've been catching up now and I must say I do like how their characters have evolved. Monty is actually a genius, Moon is actually very caring. Lunar is actually very independent and adorably funny.

I still want to say that even if I watch the show now, and might even make fanart of it, it will not change how I personally view Sun and Moon in my own headcanons and AUs. In the show they're brothers and in my AUs they're not, clear? Because I know there's always gonna be anons coming to my askbox to cry about me shipping sun x moon while also being able to view them as brothers in other people's AUs.... just no, please, just use your brains.

In the latest episode (SPOILERS)

Lunar lets Moon take over the body again, but before Moon exits the headspace, Lunar asks if he can call Sun and Moon his brothers. Fucking broke me into tears. Lunar clearly is looking for the brotherhood he never got from Eclipse from everywhere, he even called Blood Moon his brother too. :< Poor bean just wants to have a brother who cares about him. Was such a sweet thing for Moon to say that ofc he can call them brothers, and I'm sure Sun will agree as well.

Sweet bean, I might actually follow the show for a moment again.

[aikoiya]

DP AU - Timeless Journey

What if the Infini-Map episode was more like individual, full-scale journeys. Like, the map deactivates for a period of time after each leap, so Vlad & Team Phantom have to survive in each time until then. Because of this, they are essentially stuck for months at a time. Like, depending on how far into the future/past it sends someone, the more it drains the map & the longer it takes for it to recharge. Sending people to other places in the same time is small beans, but sending people through time is difficult.

So, they literally have to dress & act the part while becoming part of the legends there.

Like, there was this one Danny Phantom x Teen Titans fic that did this with the Ancient Asia time & it was super cool!

Like, in these times, they have other things to contend with besides Vlad. In fact, Vlad is about the only Hereafter Ghost that they have to fight & as such, they have to adjust how they fight.

In Rome, they have to fight monsters. In Salem, they are hunted regularly by Supernatural hunters, legit human-sacrificing, devil-worshiping witches, zealous Puritans, monsters, & angry Natives. In Asia, they have to go against Yaoguai & Youkai, as well as Yuurei.

In Salem, it becomes apparent that it's far more complicated than just black & white. For one, there are legit witches & then there are people who just wanna live their lives in a way that might not be entirely endorced by the general public. There are also true Children of God Christians who want to live a good life in His honor, then there are religious zealots that go way too far, & then there are those who use their religion to manipulate others & as a ticket to further their own agendas or to spread hate. Not to mention how there were places where there was conflict between settlers & Natives where in some places it was the settlers who attack, while in others, it was the Natives.

They were especially surprised to see how the 2 sides delt with the other's dead. Generally, settlers just killed & buried, & sometimes so did the Natives. However, there were also tribes that actually did scalp people or even ate the losers in order to 'gain their power.' At the same time, there were also plenty of places where the 2 sides actually got along very well.

Sam is especially shocked to learn that it actually wasn't a genocide as genocides imply an intent & concerted effort by a people to cause an entire population to go extinct. Yes, there were dickwads that mistreated them, but there are assholes like that everywhere, you can't get rid of 'em. It wasn't the norm, nor the goal. In fact, what killed most of the Natives were diseases accidentally brought over by the English. That isn't genocide. That's an accident.

As for the reason behind Lincoln's execution of 38 indigenous individuals. From what I'm seeing, the Dakota killed hundreds of settlers & took many hostages, hundreds infact; most of said hostages being women & children. Not just white people either, but "mixed-blood" as well. True, their land was taken, they were asked to stop their traditional hunting practices, forced to farm (after which there was crop failure, a harsh winter, & depletion of wild game due to poor hunting practices; none of which besides the poor hunting was something that could've possibly been predicted at the time by either the Dakota or the settlers), they were promised provisions & annuity which, just before the war they didn't get, & they weren't able to trade because of the Civil War.

All these things were obviously wrong & unfair, & I can definitely understand their anger, but the Dakota also shouldn't have attacked & killed so many people in retaliation. Protest should always be your first option in these situations.

At the end of the war, 2,000 Dakota either surrendered or were taken into custody. This included 1,658 non-combatants, as well as those who opposed the war & tried to free the hostages. In actuality, out of all those people, only a little more than 300 Dakota men were initially sentenced to death. Then, Lincoln came in, reviewed the cases, & reduced that number even further until it was only 39. Even then, one later got a reprieve, so the total was reduced to 38!

Only 38 out of 2,000!

The likelihood that even one of those 38 Dakota were innocent is very low. And the fact that it was so few meant that Lincoln was trying his damnedest to salvage the situation!

If it were a true genocide, each & every one of those 2,000 Dakota, including the 1,658 non-combatants & indigenous who didn't agree with the war & tried to free the hostages & the "mixed-bloods," would've also been killed, but they weren't!

Also keep in mind that what we know of today as Native Americans weren't even the original occupants of America. Most Natives can trace their lineage back to Asia because the Natives migrated to America from across the Baring Straight. Those migrants then either fought with the original inhabitants of America or mixed with them exactly like how the English did, so Natives have no more claim over American land than modern Americans.

Back then, land was obtained via right of conquest because, whether you like it or not, back then the general belief was might makes right.

The same could be said of the Natives. They waged wars between each other all the time. Not just with the white man. And when one tribe won, what do you think happened? The winner took the losers, either their belongings, people, or land. Sometimes all 3. Life was just cruel back then. So, why is it okay when the Native Americans did it, but when the white man did it, it was wrong?

That's what we in the business call a double standard.

It is very much not just black & white.

While briefly in Japan, specifically, Danny is called a Hanyuu, or 'Half-Spirit' & is often targeted by Youkai, Buddhist monks, Taijiya, as well as Shinto Miko & Kanushi. He has a similar journey there to what was described in the Teen Titans Crossover fic I mentioned.

Like, I'd like to see character growth in the trio especially. Especially in Sam who, as a very modern, vegan, & obviously left-leaning, feminist individual, has to learn that women actually have it super good back home. That she is not oppressed &, in fact, even has a couple of freedoms that men don't. Also that if she doesn't eat meat in these times, it's actually possible that she might not eat for long periods of time & might even die. At least, she definitely wouldn't be able to eat enough to keep her healthy. It's not like they made supplements back then.

Not to mention how up-in-arms she gets with a lot of the Puritans in Salem. There is this belief that she has that all of them were wicked & evil & were genocidal maniac zealots & barbaric slavers, but she's very quickly confronted with the fact that most of them were actually just people.

Let's not forget how much Tucker actually learns about actual slavery & racism. Yeah, the Emancipation Proclaimation was passed at least a decade before the time that they arrive there, but prejudices still ran very high. Like, he never really knew that there were black plantation owners & while he knew, conceptually, that slavery was a world-wide issue, it never really clicked inside his head what that meant. Such as the fact that there were white slaves such as the Irish or that 99% of the black slaves in America had not been stolen from Africa by white colonists, but rather sold by other African natives such as the Dahomey. Let alone the fact that the Barbary Pirates had more white slaves in Africa than there ever were black slaves in America.

It's only here in this journey to different times & countries that he realizes that slavery was legitimately a world-wide pandemic. That it had existed since the foundation of human history & had a handhold in practically every country. That people didn't simply imprison other cultures or races because of racism. Rather, the strong enslaved the weak. To the victor went the spoils & that included the people of the same race. If you lost, you were likely enslaved.

Hell, slavery was even worse in Rome than it ever was in America. Tucker never knew that in Rome it was entirely legal if a slave killed their master, for every slave in that household to then be executed to dissuade rebellion. THAT'S NUTS!!

Then, to connect the fact that the very word "Slave" was derived from Slavs who were white themselves & were often enslaved in the Ottoman Empire. It was mind-boggling.

As such, in modern times, there was likely not a single human alive that wasn't descended from at least one slave. No one group had more right to being angry about it than anyone else. If anything, white people should be proud because they can truthfully say that their ancestors ended slavery. Or, at least made it illegal in most of the free world. No other race has done more to end slavery than those demonized most today. If not for this, it's highly likely that slavery never would've ended. In fact, no other country has ever had slavery as part of their institution for such a short amount of time as America. No other country has abolished it so quickly after their inception.

Hell, Sam is Jewish! They'd been enslaved multiple times! They'd been culled in Egypt & had a genocide waged upon them! Sure, the genocide failed, but only due to American intervention.

So, the entire idea of reparations is sheer lunacy because if one group that'd suffered from slavery got reparations, then shouldn't every other group that suffered through it too? Including those of European descent? Realistically, if everyone got reparations for their ancestors' suffering in slavery, then how would you even keep track of the exchange of money because, again, literally every person on the planet probably has a slave ancestor.

And if you say that only those who suffered the most should get reparations, then how do you even measure that?? You can only know this sort of thing through deep, deep research. Do you have any idea the amount of money it would take to figure all that out? It'd probably take more money to sus all this out than to actually pay reparations! Then there's the reparations on top of that?? Entire countries would go bankrupt all to soothe a phantom hurt that no one still alive actually experienced for themselves! A hurt that isn't even secondhand!

You don't heal generational trauma with freaking money!

And just like with Natives, African tribes waged war against each other & took the spoils including people & land from the losers all the time! So, why was it perfectly fine for the black man to do this, but not for the white man? Why does everyone hold the white man to such a high standard??

But I digress.

Either way, Tucker & Danny become the designated hunters of the group, while Sam forages. With how naturally archery came to him in Beauty Marked, I see Tucker getting very good & seemed to be oddly suited to the life of a hunter, to Sam's growing anger.

However, she is quickly forced to either eat meat or die because, without her supplements or access to a wide enough variety of vegetables, she becomes very sick.

Then, one night she was attacked by a bear who would've killed her if not for Tucker's shooting. Sam's automatic response was to go ballistic on him for killing an animal, until he told her that it would've killed her. Period.

It wasn't playing games, it would've killed her & she expected him, her best friend, to do nothing? To what? Choose the bear's life over hers? Hard pass.

That already was humbling, but then Tucker later taught her a hard lesson in the natural order; you kill it, you eat it.

She'd been attacked again, but neither Tucker nor Danny had been near & so she was forced to defend herself.

The cougar that had attacked her, went down with a lucky shot to the head.

The thing was, when Tucker, Danny, & an old, grisled hunter who lived nearby found her crying over it, the old man told her that they had to use its parts or it'd rot & it'd have died for nothing. That she needed to take responsibility for the life she took.

It was a hard lesson for Sam to learn. She sobbed as she ate the cougar's meat. As much as she hated to admit it, it was the most delicious thing she'd tasted in a long time. Due to her stubborn adherence to veganism, she'd been slowly starving herself.

It was here that she finally realized that not everyone had the luxury of veganism. That it was only possible because of modern convenience & if society were to collapse, the stubborn vegans would be the first ones to die.

[athenawasamerf]

That post claiming that most people's bodies are not meant to thrive on a vegan lifestyle is not correct. The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, the world’s largest organization of food and nutrition professionals, said that vegan diets are "appropriate for all stages of the life cycle, including pregnancy, lactation, infancy, childhood, adolescence, older adulthood, and for athletes."

I'm sure there's a small proportion of people who are allergic to all nuts, grains, beans, and vegetables, and there are native people living off the land in the arctic regions, but is that true for you? And is it true for every non vegan who uses those people as an excuse to not feel bad about not doing everything they can?

That post accuses vegans of having an "us vs them" attitude, forcing our lifestyle on nonvegans. But the "live and let live" philosophy falls apart when you consider the lives and experiences of those that are being harmed and killed. Nonhuman animals a part of "us". There is no "them".

Also, are vegans REALLY "forcing" our views onto others? If we were, everyone would be vegan already! We are still just a small minority though!

You do realise you’re messaging a senior med student, right?

I’m not gonna get into it bc I have to get ready for class and I don’t want to think about biochem at fuck all o’clock, but no, vegan diets are not safe for pregnant and lactating women (without a fuckton of supplements), babies, young children, or adolescents, and will not provide adults with all essential nutrients without supplementation. Some nutrients simply don’t exist in plants. FYI you can be arrested and charged with negligence or abuse if you feed your baby a vegan diet. The academy for nutrition and dietetics is funded by several pharmaceutical companies and food industry lobbying groups, which I would consider a major conflict of interest, and since that’s the case with most American institutions I take most research done in the US with a massive helping of salt.

I’m Egyptian, I literally can not sustain myself on a vegan diet in Egypt - the (expensive) food items required for that are simply not sold in my area. Poor people can’t sustain a vegan diet. America has a massive food desert problem, people can barely find anything to eat that isn’t fast food within a reasonable distance from their homes. Haggard, busy people can’t sustain a vegan diet. The ability to be healthy on a vegan diet is a luxury that you’re privileged to be able to afford. Have some empathy for your fellow humans.

Animals (humans included) kill and eat each other. It’s natural. We are an omnivore species, and far from the only one on earth. I’m against inhumane industrial farming, but that’s not a huge issue in my country and we buy meat from small farms and neighbourhood butchers anyway.

I was a vegetarian for a few years, btw, and it nearly killed me. I’m not willing to discuss this publicly, and won’t be answering any questions about it on this blog.

And yes, vegans who go into supermarkets and restaurants to spill milk and fake blood everywhere while playing animal noises are trying to force their views on everyone else.

Humans are physically and chemically optimised for an omnivore diet. This blog is not focused on animal rights or human eating habits. I’m not going to get involved in any discourse about veganism, and this will be my only response.

Take home message: do not feed your fucking babies and toddlers a vegan diet. You’re an adult and you can make your own choices about your health and what you eat, I won’t get involved. But don’t drag kids into it for the love of all that is holy.

Have a good day.

[scentedchildnacho]

She asked me if I dream and I said no I was diagnosed with very poor sleeping and I just kind of black out till morning....but last night a lady brought some rice and beans from a football party that was going to just throw it away and then last night always dreaming constantly channelled.....

Then she started annoying me with reefer behaviours as older then me she kept wanting obeisant listening without paying for it so to her complaints like razors and alcoholism.....i said no though Dallas cowboys....dax Prescott does not compensate all the men he uses for research and is known in interview for stalking homeless people for what they have and dumping on the poorest people male problems he doesn't compensate

Truth is most of these men have workers compensation lawsuits and have to hyper and aggressive of dispositions to be stalking around the poorest feminines

Dax is a heavy foul player and shouldn't have to downsize he just kills the poor of male problems he needed research off

You should believe the men around they don't look handicap and people like them do have really severe and potentially permanent neck and back or hearing loss or

Alcoholism is still a poverty issue and most people won't touch a razor anymore.....the wealthiest violence does sociologically have mythic beliefs dax is a Greek God and he stalks everything homeless women do

Cameras everywhere....Prescott is obsessed with homeless people....they watch us compulsively get erections from baton light torture

Then usually don't voice opinion or get involved but she said shelter ever instead of intelligent migration and technology equity that fish finder is shula

So I told her off about wanting to shoot basket ball hoops in the stage area....and said no ma'am there won't be any basketball pacific beach was a very embarrassing and cruel colonial urbanization study jackos....people like us win more freedoms and constant shocks....jackos ..

No most people after it demonstrate aggravated phobias people like me don't want to give any of it anything other then quarantine

People like me want all the roads shut down and rations sent to home lockdowns....i don't want to give anyone anything but rest and reform recuperation....

Then I said no I don't ever go to shelters maam that was a dirty fucker suggestion to ever mention.....very gross sex slur to say....the United States does not sign the United nations declaration of peace to indigenous peoples....it is all institutional slaughter....its all attempted slaughter the homeless are a species to them and it's a type of monkey to ritualistically kill.....

Pacific beach is especially cruel and creepy not even floridans can schedule a meal day at a scary amount of locations

The united states may endure attacks from homeless peoples it does nothing but make itself comfortable off leaving us out to brain damaging work

Constant shocks disabling blinding light constant manic idiots at the driver's seat....it tries to kill us all the time of it's urbanization scheme and if you must know homeless peoples were attacked and you can go blow up city officiate buildings it does nothing but train cops to be more manic and brutal at times they should learn self restraint and strategy

Uhm even more genocidal resolve today....at times they should have finally given.......a private shower the things are out there trying to extract more blood from people who already died and practice walking or active catatonics

Most of it will be given death penalties for being The Housing and The families off people for years who are easy cases to be involved in

That's all I have known it to be their racists and the mothers body is a rural resource to extract from...if women won't get involved in pro life as a birther the medical field kills it for trying to advance it's wealth family off school slaughter

That's all I've known it to be as a lesbian politic you can be non gay phobic and people desire your plant life fertilized or you can be gay phobic and cause other women harm and endangerment with your ego gratification and go get killed as a neo Nazi at the clinic

Uhm I find friendship between women as a christian just solidarity but if you privilege the gay phobic opinion to correctness then any type of interaction between women was intimate and called gay....

Earth....if you want to get married and have babies then the United States is largely homogeneous sex issues....and it's okay to officiate diversity only two kids per partnership

Or the county will officiate non diversity it's okay to upkeep school slaughter because it's only that one family of ten kids they didn't attack a community just a few large families and to keep creating homogeneity....most lady girl jobs do appear like people who could die of deprivational restraint tortures

Some latin biblicalness is paranormal immortality and vampiric I believe some county masters ultimately view homogenous platoon populations as animal parts to live off forever

Most homeless people do have personal injury and stalking settlements from the NFL but you persist in getting petty and stalking people around you for what they have and football stole a lot of your needs

People like me have had a poor sleeping diagnosis for years....and football kept unnecessarily injuring itself and using everyone's common wealth as compulsive crack head weird lives

That's jobs to the poorest people jobs just did some stupid things like tell people they go down to the corner building and gentrify and cause disease but there is a lot of aid and production that never gets to people it's intended for and football hoards it

Black dove honey black dove any condition can be reversed....Christ figure that performs miracles is black

You don't need a space ship you can just go to fort Meyers Florida

I am not

I am not a cop out either black dove......no no fucking nasty disgusting dirty repulsive cursing like mother and job and shelter ...I am not a cop out either...honey black dove

Truth is....I just dont date or friend anyone United States....it did something stupid like job and it will get severely battered for it and after battery will just develop more rationalizations to kill me after all it's been through...?......i was told the white men I had as friends in high school were right though....the system if homogenous is designed to kill people for moral conduct and the world is filled with migration and my life is foreign.....

[hirazuki]

I’ve been awake since 3:45am (it is now 7:49pm) and I’m at that point of tiredness where everything feels surreal. 

... and I’m not even done with work yet T_T

[monsoon-of-art]

*Blows door off of hinges* I just spent a whole night and an ENTIRE DAY looking through your Pokerus tag after I randomly found your fic on AO3 last night! And I just want to say... Hi.XD I was looking for Ingo fics to help sate the Trainman brainrot I've had since the game came out, and I've found soooooooo much more with your story. Not Ingo brainrot, funnily enough (your story paradoxically seems to have mellowed out my brainot instead of giving me more, if that makes sense?). I LOVE how your story focuses on the community/family dynamic of all of the wardens and leaders, who I always imagined as living separate from their clan to live in the places their Noble does, like Iscan. It also makes Hisui seem kinda smaller, since they can travel back and forth so quickly in a day, but I guess if the leaders can make it to Jubilfe in a few hours at the start of the day like the game implies, that checks out.

But anyway, I did want to ask two things, if you don't mind answering. First, it seems like you are giving pokemon very realistic diets to realworld animals, which I'm all for. Gamefreak seems to avoid at least OVERT references to people and pokemon eating meat(pokedex entries being where it's referenced if at all). It seems they want pokemon to be at least omnivorous tho. PLA even goes so far as to give pokemon a prefered food type you can use to bait them, with things like beans, mushrooms, honey, grains, and salt, as well as the various berries you can use. It's even implied some pokemon eat apricorns, since the spoiled apricorns are said to be half eaten by pokemon. I know realistically not all pokemon might be able to survive solely on these things, and that there might not even be enough vegetation around to sustain bigger pokemon. I'd like to hear your take on this, and more importantly how poeple in you AU feed their pokemon. Do they share the clans/Team's rations, or do they let their pokemon hunt for their own food? If they do feed and take care of their pokemon, then it would be touching to see their partners go out and try to gather food for them before they get too scared off and their humans go feral and see them as food. Or heh, Mai and Ingo's partners trying to indicate that they need meat and blood and trying to teach them to hunt weaker easy to catch pokemon, but their humans are too stubborn/trying to cling to humanity that they resist the advice and hold off until it is far too late and their pokemon run off. Not to be too critical, but the explanation that their diet changes -> they are poor hunters -> they starve and become even more dangerous is just a little too simple to sit well with me. Maybe you just didn't go into too much detail before, but I feel like there are plenty of options to exhaust storywise to lead up to that point. Second(not as long I promise) is I would LOVE to hear your(or anyone's) head canon on how someone with Pokerus would turn into a Rotom. It is literally just a ball of Ball Lightning that can enter and possess appliances. I could see that freaking out anyone that wasn't a Ginkgo Guild member and now I can't get the image of someone in Cogita's safe haven being all 'Yo, I'm a fridge now' when Dawn gets there.XD omfgusbvuou I'm so sorry for the wall of text. feel free to answer these separately if you want.DX

Wow you're right that's a wall of text alright-

So to begin with not technically a question: I don't think the clan leaders and warden eat dinner together every night. There's no way Palina can walk all the way to the main settlement in a few hours. In my mind, they meet up every few days or so to check in with the Leader (important), discuss with the other wardens, get a nice meal. There's just no way for that to be possible every night.

Secondly, as for the diet question: the short answer is just because it's more dramatic and angsty ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I'm a huge fan of werewolves and vampires and all that good stuff. TVtropes has a page called "Warm Bloodbags are Everywhere" that fits this very well. If you want a more serious answer, meat is more calorically dense than plant matter, and the clan leaders/wardens/most NPCs are just burning through calories, because transforming takes up so much energy. Otherwise it's just because it's more fun for me, hehe

Finally transforming into a rotom would suck balls because your cells would probably shift into something less corporeal, and your nervous system would go into overdrive to create the electricity needed

[halothenthehorns]

Chapter 16: A GOD BUYS US CHEESEBURGERS

"Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?" Alex asked seriously.

"Depends on the god," Thalia shrugged.

Percy responded just as seriously, "and the cheeseburger."

"He has a thing against those plant ones," Thalia stage whispered.

"Those black-bean ones aren't bad," he protested, "they're just a lie!"

"Moving on," Will chuckled.

The next afternoon, June 14, seven days before the solstice, our train rolled into Denver. We hadn't eaten since the night before in the dining car, somewhere in Kansas. We hadn't taken a shower since Half-Blood Hill, and I was sure that was obvious.

"Poor Grover, I wonder if you smelt as bad as monsters by then," Will laughed.

"Let's hope he doesn't start throwing tin cans at us if so," Percy nodded.

  "Let's try to contact Chiron," Annabeth said. "I want to tell him about your talk with the river spirit."

"We can't use phones, right?"

"I'm not talking about phones."

"Um, demigods still need to text with a phone, right?" Magnus asked, he'd believe almost anything at this point.

"Yes, you're about to see what those drachmas were for," was all Thalia would answer.

We wandered through downtown for about half an hour, though I wasn't sure what Annabeth was looking for. The air was dry and hot, which felt weird after the humidity of St. Louis. Everywhere we turned, the Rocky Mountains seemed to be staring at me, like a tidal wave about to crash into the city.

"I imagine people from out of town feel just as claustrophobic being in New York surrounded by buildings," Magnus said sympathetically.

'This realm is so strange, having a billion different types of cities that are barely held together and have little in common,' Hearth signed.

Magnus froze as he looked at him, for the first time wondering just how different his 'realm' was. 

Finally we found an empty do-it-yourself car wash. We veered toward the stall farthest from the street, keeping our eyes open for patrol cars. We were three adolescents hanging out at a car wash without a car; any cop worth his doughnuts would figure we were up to no good.

Will was fascinated at this idea, kids had a tendency to loiter and play and laugh wherever they fancied in the most randomest of places, but he was the only one naïve enough to think some cop wouldn't instantly accuse them of being drug dealers or something. Jason had no specific memories, of course, but he had a feeling he'd had a few unpleasant interactions with mortals and their idea of authority. Each of them had experience being chased off by the cops for some reason.

"What exactly are we doing?" I asked, as Grover took out the spray gun.

"It's seventy-five cents," he grumbled. "I've only got two quarters left. Annabeth?"

"Don't look at me," she said. "The dining car wiped me out."

I fished out my last bit of change and passed Grover a quarter, which left me two nickels and one drachma from Medusa's place.

"Excellent," Grover said. "We could do it with a spray bottle, of course, but the connection isn't as good, and my arm gets tired of pumping."

'How does this continue to get stranger every chapter?' Magnus asked. 'I keep expecting sentences like that to stop being weird.'

'You're not alone this time' Hearth assured, but he was more than excited to find out, he'd never want to leave if they kept talking about how they use magic.

"What are you talking about?"

He fed in the quarters and set the knob to FINE MIST. "I-M'ing."

"Instant messaging?"

"Iris-messaging," Annabeth corrected. "The rainbow goddess Iris carries messages for the gods. If you know how to ask, and she's not too busy, she'll do the same for half-bloods."

The look of wonderment on many of their faces made Thalia feel like a proud parent showing off her world, her eyes lingered on Jason more than Percy as he grinned and looked from the book to the empty room as if hoping a rainbow would appear now so he could give it a try.

"You summon the goddess with a spray gun?"

"Well when you put it like that it sounds ridiculous," Nico rolled his eyes.

"Says the guy who communicates all of his messages through silent stares," Will sighed, he was so hard to read. He'd known Nico for years and was still trying to pick apart any details he could to try and get to really know him. It helped nothing he'd never spent longer than a month at camp before he vanished, randomly reappearing and then repeat. 

Nico answered him, with a stare. His lips were stiff, he seemed unpleased, but there was a bend in the quirk of an eyebrow as he also seemed to be wondering something too, before turning back away.

Grover pointed the nozzle in the air and water hissed out in a thick white mist. "Unless you know an easier way to make a rainbow."

Sure enough, late afternoon light filtered through the vapor and broke into colors.

Annabeth held her palm out to me. "Drachma, please."

I handed it over.

She raised the coin over her head. "O goddess, accept our offering."

She threw the drachma into the rainbow. It disappeared in a golden shimmer.

"Half-Blood Hill," Annabeth requested.

For a moment, nothing happened.

Then I was looking through the mist at strawberry fields, and the Long Island Sound in the distance. We seemed to be on the porch of the Big House. Standing with his back to us at the railing was a sandy haired guy in shorts and an orange tank top. He was holding a bronze sword and seemed to be staring intently at something down in the meadow.

"Luke!" I called.

"How, nice," Thalia caught herself from saying convenient at the last second. She scolded herself for being paranoid, Annabeth hadn't been specific enough and Luke didn't have his fingers in everything!

What gods had been on who's side at this time though? Here she was, lying to Percy even if it was for a good reason, had the same thing been on Luke's mind, had he convinced himself they'd understand when it came out?

"Thalia," Percy asked quietly, "did you need that break?"

She gave him a weak smile. Percy wasn't dumb, he knew he didn't have the whole story and he already seemed to know Luke was connected somehow. She was nothing like Luke, she wasn't manipulating anybody. "No," she assured, "just hoping he's not up there to put out a fire or something, that could get awkward." She lightly fibbed and tried to laugh off.

Will smiled and played along, "oh, like the time Connor and Travis tried to build a bridge out in the forest for extra obstacles, ugh that was a disaster."

The others laughed and demanded details while Thalia smiled and said, "thanks though."

He turned, eyes wide. I could swear he was standing three feet in front of me through a screen of mist, except I could only see the part of him that appeared in the rainbow.

"Percy!" His scarred face broke into a grin. "Is that Annabeth, too? Thank the gods! Are you guys okay?"

"We're ... uh ... fine," Annabeth stammered. She was madly straightening her dirty T-shirt, trying to comb the loose hair out of her face.

Percy glowered and decided he might not like Luke as much as his first impression had led him to believe. Stupid, sandy-haired, swordsman...

"We thought-Chiron-I mean-"

"He's down at the cabins." Luke's smile faded. "We're having some issues with the campers. Listen, is everything cool with you? Is Grover all right?"

"I'm right here," Grover called. He held the nozzle out to one side and stepped into Luke's line of vision. "What kind of issues?"

Just then a big Lincoln Continental pulled into the car wash with its stereo turned to maximum hip-hop.

As the car slid into the next stall, the bass from the subwoofers vibrated so much, it shook the pavement.

"Chiron had to-what's that noise?" Luke yelled.

"I'll take care of it.'" Annabeth yelled back, looking very relieved to have an excuse to get out of sight. "Grover, come on!"

"What?" Grover said. "But-"

"Give Percy the nozzle and come on!" she ordered.

Grover muttered something about girls being harder to understand than the Oracle of Delphi, then he handed me the spray gun and followed Annabeth.

I readjusted the hose so I could keep the rainbow going and still see Luke.

"Chiron had to break up a fight," Luke shouted to me over the music. "Things are pretty tense here, Percy. Word leaked out about the Zeus-Poseidon standoff. We're still not sure how, probably the same scumbag who summoned the hellhound.

"It's nice we can all agree on some things," Will said cheerfully, so nobody but Thalia was quite sure why Nico tried so hard to suppress a laugh.

Now the campers are starting to take sides. It's shaping up like the Trojan War all over again. Aphrodite, Ares, and Apollo are backing Poseidon, more or less. Athena is backing Zeus."

Nobody was laughing much now, the uncomfortable notion of the gods going to war with each other, the idea still a little to radical for some to wrap their heads around at all, and caused to many bad memories in those that recently had been in battle.

I shuddered to think that Clarisse's cabin would ever be on my dad's side for anything. In the next stall, I heard Annabeth and some guy arguing with each other, then the music's volume decreased drastically.

"I would pay all the Drachmas to sit in on that conversation instead," Percy said enthusiastically as he imagined her little stature telling someone like that off.

"If we could pick and chose what this book showed already we'd be at war with each other," Jason sighed.

"So what's your status?" Luke asked me. "Chiron will be sorry he missed you."

I told him pretty much everything, including my dreams. It felt so good to see him, to feel like I was back at camp even for a few minutes, that I didn't realize how long I had talked until the beeper went off on the spray machine, and I realized I only had one more minute before the water shut off.

"I wish I could be there," Luke told me.

Nico scowled as he thought for himself, 'Poor thing having to stay and sow dissent in the background.'

"We can't help much from here, I'm afraid, but listen ... it had to be Hades who took the master bolt. He was there at Olympus at the winter solstice.

"So was everybody apparently!" Jason scoffed this still seemed the only real evidence.

I was chaperoning a field trip and we saw him."

"But Chiron said the gods can't take each other's magic items directly."

"That's true," Luke said, looking troubled.

"Did he just hope nobody would notice that little plot hole?" Will grumbled.

"Still ... Hades has the helm of darkness. How could anybody else sneak into the throne room and steal the master bolt? You'd have to be invisible."

"Is he accusing Annabeth of something?" Magnus demanded in the closest thing to outrage any of them had yet seen.

"If he is then he's a bigger scumbag than whoever started all of this," Alex agreed with a scowl. She hadn't been very taken with the know-it-all girl, but Annabeth had been instrumentally helpful to a boy she clearly didn't like and obviously worshiped Luke more than her own mother. What a horrible thing to imply about someone he should know better of!

We were both silent, until Luke seemed to realize what he'd said.

"Oh, hey," he protested. "I didn't mean Annabeth. She and I have known each other forever. She would never ... I mean, she's like a little sister to me."

The Norse kids looked soothed at least, while Jason was still compiling it all in his head, of everyone who had been mentioned and even unnamed people who hadn't. He didn't really think it was Annabeth either, she'd done nothing to sabotage the quest though she'd had ample opportunity. To much was still unknown to him, the timing of it all bothered him more than anything. Where was the motive to steal that bolt now?

I wondered if Annabeth would like that description.

"Let's just say it's a good thing she didn't hear it," Thalia muttered.

In the stall next to us, the music stopped completely. A man screamed in terror, car doors slammed, and the Lincoln peeled out of the car wash.

"Random question, of no consequence I'm sure," Alex began pleasantly, "has she ever drawn that knife on a mortal?"

"I reserve the right not to answer that," Thalia grinned.

'And here I was thinking Grover's shoe had 'accidentally' come off,' Hearth grinned.

"You'd better go see what that was," Luke said. "Listen, are you wearing the flying shoes? I'll feel better if I know they've done you some good."

"Oh ... uh, yeah!" I tried not to sound like a guilty liar. "Yeah, they've come in handy."

"Better than tripping you up," Nico said sardonically.

"Really?" He grinned. "They fit and everything?"

The water shut off. The mist started to evaporate.

"Well, take care of yourself out there in Denver," Luke called, his voice getting fainter, "and tell Grover it'll be better this time! Nobody will get turned into a pine tree if he just-"

But the mist was gone, and Luke's image faded to nothing.

"I think I'm relieved," Magnus admitted, "I didn't feel like that was going to be helpful advice." Even if he hadn't done it on purpose, Luke had just annoyed him by even accidentally implying anything about Annabeth. Those shoes would have to save somebodies life to make up for it now.

I was alone in a wet, empty car wash stall.

Annabeth and Grover came around the corner, laughing, but stopped when they saw my face.

Annabeth's smile faded. "What happened, Percy? What did Luke say?"

"Not much," I lied, my stomach feeling as empty as a Big Three cabin.

"How is it every time I talk to him I feel worse," Percy said sourly, he felt like a jerk for even saying it, Luke had been nothing but helpful, but some part of him felt just the smallest relief he'd said it aloud even if Thalia called him one.

'Good intuition,' Thalia kept to herself. "I think I'll blame Grover, nobody's blamed anything on him yet," she instead laughed off.

"Right, yeah, that must be it," Percy smiled back. "Maybe he got in my head he's the only one allowed to give me advice."

"Come on, let's find some dinner."

A few minutes later, we were sitting at a booth in a gleaming chrome diner. All around us, families were eating burgers and drinking malts and sodas.

Finally the waitress came over. She raised her eyebrow skeptically. "Well?"

I said, "We, um, want to order dinner."

"You kids have money to pay for it?"

Grover's lower lip quivered. I was afraid he would start bleating, or worse, start eating the linoleum.

"Charge people to watch, hell, you could make a mint if you let people start daring him to eat anything and payout big," Alex nodded.

"Maybe save that for plan B," Jason cautioned.

"Speaking of bets though," Magnus reminded, "they're in a burger joint! Final calls now for which god's going to show up and buy them a cheeseburger!"

"I think the only good option at this point is Pan there to scold us all," Percy sighed, "otherwise, this probably won't go well."

Annabeth looked ready to pass out from hunger.

I was trying to think up a sob story for the waitress when a rumble shook the whole building; a motorcycle the size of a baby elephant had pulled up to the curb.

All conversation in the diner stopped. The motorcycle's headlight glared red. Its gas tank had flames painted on it, and a shotgun holster riveted to either side, complete with shotguns. The seat was leather-but leather that looked like ... well, Caucasian human skin.

'Why do I get the feeling this guy isn't there to talk about healthy plant-based alternatives?' Hearth frowned.

'You never know, he could have a garden at home,' Magnus replied without hope.

'That he buries bodies in!' Hearth protested.

The guy on the bike would've made pro wrestlers run for Mama. He was dressed in a red muscle shirt and black jeans and a black leather duster, with a hunting knife strapped to his thigh. He wore red wraparound shades, and he had the cruelest, most brutal face I'd ever seen- handsome, I guess, but wicked-with an oily black crew cut and cheeks that were scarred from many, many fights. The weird thing was, I felt like I'd seen his face somewhere before.

As he walked into the diner, a hot, dry wind blew through the place. All the people rose, as if they were hypnotized, but the biker waved his hand dismissively and they all sat down again. Everybody went back to their conversations.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Will sighed as he awkwardly gestured to the book, "a god you will not question is a god." They'd only gotten a glimmer with Dionysius, Ares was going to be a real glimpse into the Olympians.

The waitress blinked, as if somebody had just pressed the rewind button on her brain. She asked us again, "You kids have money to pay for it?"

The biker said, "It's on me." He slid into our booth, which was way too small for him, and crowded Annabeth against the window.

He looked up at the waitress, who was gaping at him, and said, "Are you still here?"

"They didn't order anything," Alex scowled. She wasn't even there and she was already annoyed with this guy!

He pointed at her, and she stiffened. She turned as if she'd been spun around, then marched back toward the kitchen.

The biker looked at me. I couldn't see his eyes behind the red shades, but bad feelings started boiling in my stomach. Anger, resentment, bitterness. I wanted to hit a wall. I wanted to pick a fight with somebody. Who did this guy think he was?

"I'm guessing, not the god of cheeseburgers," Jason frowned. An idea was chafing at the edge of his mind, Percy's impertinence to a god of such importance, yet this seemed like nobody he'd ever want to worship.

He gave me a wicked grin. "So you're old Seaweed's kid, huh?"

I should've been surprised, or scared, but instead I felt like I was looking at my stepdad, Gabe. I wanted to rip this guy's head off. "What's it to you?"

Even Percy's own friends were watching him in concern why he still had his own head for mouthing off to a god like this! How had he survived this meeting, let alone to his own age?

Annabeth's eyes flashed me a warning. "Percy, this is-"

The biker raised his hand.

"S'okay," he said. "I don't mind a little attitude. Long as you remember who's the boss. You know who I am, little cousin?"

Then it struck me why this guy looked familiar. He had the same vicious sneer as some of the kids at Camp Half-Blood, the ones from cabin five.

"You're Clarisse's dad," I said. "Ares, god of war."

They were all expecting it this time and still saw Jason spasm with frustration. Not right...they stole and distorted...destroyed-

Jason calmed himself with several deep breaths. Whatever Mars- err- Ares was to him was rooted to deep in his mind to get any clear idea on. He wanted, needed to get this horrible confusion out of his system, but the intense burning feeling for how this god was being shown to him was so backwards it only made his frustration at these constant lies grow and he retreated into his seat, scowling at nothing and refusing to look at anyone until the book continued.

Ares grinned and took off his shades. Where his eyes should've been, there was only fire, empty sockets glowing with miniature nuclear explosions. "That's right, punk. I heard you broke Clarisse's spear."

"She was asking for it."

This, in Nico's mind, finally trumped his very first time seeing Percy be the bravest person on the planet. He really never flinched from a single fight! Medusa, he suddenly remembered, the Chimera... and now he felt disoriented at how, unsteady he suddenly felt, sitting down even. Ugh, no wonder everyone thought he was a nutjob.

"Probably. That's cool. I don't fight my kids' fights, you know? What I'm here for, I heard you were in town. I got a little proposition for you."

"Oh this will not go well," Alex said instantly, she'd never take a god asking her for anything, and this one was already as despicable in pleasure as Loki for how entitled he clearly was, waltzing in and interrupting their quest for his own problems!

The waitress came back with heaping trays of food; cheeseburgers, fries, onion rings, and chocolate shakes.

Ares handed her a few gold drachmas.

She looked nervously at the coins. "But, these aren't..."

Ares pulled out his huge knife and started cleaning his fingernails. "Problem, sweetheart?"

The waitress swallowed, then left with the gold.

"You can't do that," I told Ares. "You can't just threaten people with a knife."

Ares laughed. "Are you kidding? I love this country. Best place since Sparta. Don't you carry a weapon, punk? You should. Dangerous world out there. Which brings me to my proposition. I need you to do me a favor."

"What favor could I do for a god?"

'Steal something,' Hearth nervously reminded.

"Something a god doesn't have time to do himself. It's nothing much. I left my shield at an abandoned water park here in town. I was going on a little ... date with my girlfriend. We were interrupted. I left my shield behind. I want you to fetch it for me."

"Why don't you go back and get it yourself?"

The fire in his eye sockets glowed a little hotter.

"Why don't I turn you into a prairie dog and run you over with my Harley? Because I don't feel like it. A god is giving you an opportunity to prove yourself, Percy Jackson. Will you prove yourself a coward?" He leaned forward. "Or maybe you only fight when there's a river to dive into, so your daddy can protect you."

"A classic case of instigating, what a bully," even mercifully not being in the presence of him now, Percy could well remember the feeling he'd spent half his life under the influence of, between Gabe and the rich private-school pricks.

I wanted to punch this guy, but somehow, I knew he was waiting for that. Ares's power was causing my anger. He'd love it if I attacked. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

"A perfect way to overcome anger issues," Alex approved. "You must have had some good counselors."

"Some were better than others," Percy agreed.

"We're not interested," I said. "We've already got a quest."

Ares's fiery eyes made me see things I didn't want to see-blood and smoke and corpses on the battlefield. "I know all about your quest, punk. When that item was first stolen, Zeus sent his best out looking for it: Apollo, Athena, Artemis, and me, naturally. If I couldn't sniff out a weapon that powerful..." He licked his lips, as if the very thought of the master bolt made him hungry. "Well ... if I couldn't find it, you got no hope. Nevertheless, I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. Your dad and I go way back. After all, I'm the one who told him my suspicions about old Corpse Breath."

Nico glowered at the book and for the first time wondered how a god would react to stygian iron being shoved up their-

"And Poseidon believed him!" Will rolled his eyes. "This guy? Man Perce, I'm sorry if this is the best advice your dad had on the situation."

"Honestly, me too," Percy nodded.

Nico was tapping the pommel of his sword and smiling at the two instead now, even if he would still like to test the theory eventually.

"You told him Hades stole the bolt?"

"Sure. Framing somebody to start a war. Oldest trick in the book.

"So he's admitting it could be a frame-up," Magnus said, "please tell me he wasn't the only one offering up solutions."

"Wasn't there," Thalia reminded, "but I can't imagine it went very well regardless."

I recognized it immediately. In a way, you got me to thank for your little quest."

"Thanks," I grumbled.

"Hey, I'm a generous guy. Just do my little job, and I'll help you on your way. I'll arrange a ride west for you and your friends."

"We're doing fine on our own."

"Lies and deceit," Alex shook her head, "but I can't blame you."

"Yeah, right. No money. No wheels. No clue what you're up against. Help me out, and maybe I'll tell you something you need to know. Something about your mom."

"My mom?"

He grinned. "That got your attention. The water park is a mile west on Delancy. You can't miss it. Look for the Tunnel of Love ride."

"What interrupted your date?" I asked. "Something scare you off?"

Ares bared his teeth, but I'd seen his threatening look before on Clarisse. There was something false about it, almost like he was nervous.

'What could he have been sent off to do that makes a god of war nervous?' Hearth demanded.

'I should be asking you that so you can lie and say it's no big deal,' Magnus reminded.

"You're lucky you met me, punk, and not one of the other Olympians. They're not as forgiving of rudeness as I am. I'll meet you back here when you're done. Don't disappoint me."

After that I must have fainted, or fallen into a trance, because when I opened my eyes again, Ares was gone. I might've thought the conversation had been a dream, but Annabeth and Grover's expressions told me otherwise.

"Not good," Grover said. "Ares sought you out, Percy. This is not good."

I stared out the window. The motorcycle had disappeared.

Did Ares really know something about my mom, or was he just playing with me?

"He wouldn't lie about something so important," Jason muttered and was still scowling at nothing as if the god were still lodged in his temple, creating an angry new pulse point sprouting right out of his head.

"You and me must have very different interactions with this guy then," Percy shrugged, he hadn't believed a word out of Ares's mouth.

Now that he was gone, all the anger had drained out of me. I realized Ares must love to mess with people's emotions. That was his power, cranking up the passions so badly, they clouded your ability to think.

"It's probably some kind of trick," I said. "Forget Ares. Let's just go."

"We can't," Annabeth said. "Look, I hate Ares as much as anybody, but you don't ignore the gods unless you want serious bad fortune.

"As opposed to all the good fortune they've been getting?" Alex protested.

"This is all pretty standard quest activity, believe it or not," Will sadly informed. "Ares could still make it worse."

"And this is the optimist speaking," Thalia sighed.

He wasn't kidding about turning you into a rodent."

I looked down at my cheeseburger, which suddenly didn't seem so appetizing. "Why does he need us?"

"Maybe it's a problem that requires brains," Annabeth said. "Ares has strength. That's all he has. Even strength has to bow to wisdom sometimes."

"No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it," Alex assented to that.

"Quoting Disney movies to help your case is a cheap shot," Percy sighed even if he didn't disagree with either of them.

Magnus was smiling tentatively at her and finally had an actual, coherent question he wanted to ask, maybe something resembling a conversation he could start about some of her other favorites, but she was already reading again and this really wasn't the time.

"But this water park ... he acted almost scared. What would make a war god run away like that?"

Annabeth and Grover glanced nervously at each other.

Annabeth said, "I'm afraid we'll have to find out."

"I officially hate it when they look at each other!" Percy groaned.

Nico gave a soft laugh that no matter how much Percy said otherwise, he'd be leading the charge there and was probably about to perform some other history-making stunt. It was a water park, how could he do any wrong in there?

The sun was sinking behind the mountains by the time we found the water park. Judging from the sign, it once had been called WATERLAND, but now some of the letters were smashed out, so it read WAT R A D.

The main gate was padlocked and topped with barbed wire. Inside, huge dry waterslides and tubes and pipes curled everywhere, leading to empty pools. Old tickets and advertisements fluttered around the asphalt. With night coming on, the place looked sad and creepy.

"There's a horror movie waiting to happen," Nico sounded curious about checking it out, he'd never been to one and loathed the idea of a crowded area, this seemed like a good middle ground.

"I'll go with you if you promise not to push me down one," Will sighed.

Nico gave him a bizarre look and Will flushed, wondering if he was being pushy and should just leave him alone. If he didn't want company and preferred to be alone then who was he to judge.

"Um, okay," Nico nodded but was still watching him like he was waiting for a trick of his own. Will was that nice to everybody, he reminded himself, he's not just taking pity on you.

"If Ares brings his girlfriend here for a date," I said, staring up at the barbed wire, "I'd hate to see what she looks like."

"Percy," Annabeth warned. "Be more respectful."

"Why? I thought you hated Ares."

"He's still a god. And his girlfriend is very temperamental."

"You don't want to insult her looks," Grover added.

"Who is she? Echidna?"

"Gah!" Thalia looked revolted at the idea, "can you imagine the monster baby they'd have! Artemis would have to hunt that with her special bow!"

"No, Aphrodite," Grover said, a little dreamily. "Goddess of love."

Jason finally exhaled like he'd been unnecessarily trying to hold his breath. Venus, his mind easily supplied, and Mars were off canoodling around Vulcan. Yes, that made sense, not everything had been lost to time by those-

The vicious thought ended there as he frowned at Thalia and all of the Greek kids, commanding his mind to pay attention and stop wandering off.

"I thought she was married to somebody," I said. "Hephaestus."

"What's your point?" he asked.

"Oh." I suddenly felt the need to change the subject.

"Isn't there a goddess of marriage? Magnus asked in fascination. "That one with a flamingo-" Hearth finger spelled something, "sorry, peacock. Yet the gods still skip around on each other?"

"They have multiple mortal lovers, they aren't any more faithful to their immortal lovers," Will shrugged.

"So how do we get in?"

"Maia!" Grover's shoes sprouted wings.

He flew over the fence, did an unintended somersault in midair, then stumbled to a landing on the opposite side. He dusted off his jeans, as if he'd planned the whole thing. "You guys coming?"

"Well now he's just showing off," Percy chuckled at his friend doing it with such confidence. This was the same kid who'd teared up in class if Nancy Bobofit looked at him for to long. Who knew all it took to gain a little confidence was some flying shoes and hitting Medusa with a stick. He really owed Luke a thanks when he got back, he reminded himself, and must just be feeling jealous about Annabeth's obvious crush.

Annabeth and I had to climb the old-fashioned way, holding down the barbed wire for each other as we crawled over the top.

"And she said you two couldn't get along," Alex approved, "I've never heard of a better team-building exercise."

Magnus bit his tongue to stop the ludicrous statement he'd help her through barbed wire before she threatened to strangle him with her garrote.

The shadows grew long as we walked through the park, checking out the attractions. There was Ankle Biter Island, Head Over Wedgie, and Dude, Where's My Swimsuit?

"I don't even know where to start," Jason was right back to being inquisitively curious and clearly mapping the whole place out in his head once more.

"I do," Thalia grinned at once as she imagined all the fun of that place. The hunters deserved a vacation when she got back too, and she was sure she could throw a few literal snapping turtles and alligators in to appease Artemis it wouldn't all be relaxing in the lazy river.

No monsters came to get us. Nothing made the slightest noise.

We found a souvenir shop that had been left open. Merchandise still lined the shelves: snow globes, pencils, postcards,

'Isn't a snow globe of a water park just the least bit weird?' Hearth frowned.

"That's what you found weird about all of this!" Magnus didn't even sign that he was so exasperated while his friend just shrugged.

and racks of-

"Clothes," Annabeth said. "Fresh clothes."

"Yeah," I said. "But you can't just-"

"Watch me."

She snatched an entire row of stuff of the racks and disappeared into the changing room. A few minutes later she came out in Waterland flower-print shorts, a big red Waterland T-shirt, and commemorative Waterland surf shoes. A Waterland backpack was slung over her shoulder, obviously stuffed with more goodies.

"What the heck." Grover shrugged. Soon, all three of us were decked out like walking advertisements for the defunct theme park.

"I'm sure that'll throw the police off if they catch up," Will tried his level best to say with a straight face.

"I know I'd hesitate if someone threw one of those flipflops at me," Nico wasn't even bothering to try the same and was snickering mirthlessly picturing Percy in an outfit like that, yet somehow he still looked so regal and perfect in the outlandish getup- he stopped so abruptly it should have been concerning as he straightened back up and only Will was still frowning at him for how spastic the poor guy kept acting over the lightest of topics.

We continued searching for the Tunnel of Love. I got the feeling that the whole park was holding its breath. "So Ares and Aphrodite," I said, to keep my mind off the growing dark, "they have a thing going?"

"That's old gossip, Percy," Annabeth told me. "Three-thousand-year-old gossip."

"What about Aphrodite's husband?"

"Well, you know," she said. "Hephaestus. The black-smith. He was crippled when he was a baby, thrown off Mount Olympus by Zeus.

Magnus spluttered in protest at such a horrible mental image, more concerned than anything this seemed casual news to everyone except his own friend who was now fidgeting with the ends of his scarf once more and seemed as distressed as him.

So he isn't exactly handsome. Clever with his hands, and all, but Aphrodite isn't into brains and talent, you know?"

"She likes bikers."

"Whatever."

"Hephaestus knows?"

"Oh sure," Annabeth said. "He caught them together once. I mean, literally caught them, in a golden net, and invited all the gods to come and laugh at them. Hephaestus is always trying to embarrass them. That's why they meet in out-of-the-way places, like ..."

She stopped, looking straight ahead. "Like that."

In front of us was an empty pool that would've been awesome for skateboarding. It was at least fifty yards across and shaped like a bowl.

Around the rim, a dozen bronze statues of Cupid stood guard with wings spread and bows ready to fire.

On the opposite side from us, a tunnel opened up, probably where the water flowed into when the pool was full. The sign above it read, THRILL RIDE O' LOVE: THIS IS NOT YOUR PARENTS' TUNNEL OF LOVE!

Grover crept toward the edge. "Guys, look."

Marooned at the bottom of the pool was a pink-and-white two-seater boat with a canopy over the top and little hearts painted all over it. In the left seat, glinting in the fading light, was Ares's shield, a polished circle of bronze.

"This is too easy," I said.

"Why do I have an even worse feeling than one page ago now?" Thalia sighed.

"Good instincts," Percy groaned, he didn't need his gut to tell him he should smack his own head for saying such a thing!

"So we just walk down there and get it?"

Annabeth ran her fingers along the base of the nearest Cupid statue.

"There's a Greek letter carved here," she said. "Eta. I wonder ..."

"Grover," I said, "you smell any monsters?"

He sniffed the wind. "Nothing."

"Nothing like, in-the-Arch-and-you-didn't-smell-Echidna nothing, or really nothing?"

Grover looked hurt. "I told you, that was underground."

"Okay, I'm sorry." I took a deep breath. "I'm going down there."

"I'll go with you." Grover didn't sound too enthusiastic, but I got the feeling he was trying to make up for what had happened in St. Louis.

"No," I told him. "I want you to stay up top with the flying shoes. You're the Red Baron, a flying ace, remember? I'll be counting on you for backup, in case something goes wrong."

Grover puffed up his chest a little. "Sure. But what could go wrong?"

"I'm going to knock both of your heads together," Alex joined in on how not helpful that advice was.

"Hey, he has horns!" Percy protested.

"And you keep telling us to stop tempting the fates," Magnus backed her up.

Percy just crossed his arms but sighed in defeat.

"I don't know. Just a feeling. Annabeth, come with me-"

"Are you kidding?" She looked at me as if I'd just dropped from the moon. Her cheeks were bright red.

"What's the problem now?" I demanded.

"Me, go with you to the ... the 'Thrill Ride of Love'? How embarrassing is that? What if somebody saw me?"

"Somebody, like?" Jason asked dubiously.

"All of Olympus apparently," Thalia chuckled.

"Who's going to see you?" But my face was burning now, too. Leave it to a girl to make everything complicated. "Fine," I told her. "I'll do it myself." But when I started down the side of the pool, she followed me, muttering about how boys always messed things up.

"I take it back," Will was shaking with laughter now, "I want a copy of this book framed, let the god's wrath reign on me!"

"Me and her will sign it and everything," Percy said with no regrets as he gave his empty hand a squeeze where he wished her fingers were. He thought for the first time how lucky he was, getting to fall in love twice.

We reached the boat. The shield was propped on one seat, and next to it was a lady's silk scarf. I tried to imagine Ares and Aphrodite here, a couple of gods meeting in a junked-out amusement-park ride. Why?

Then I noticed something I hadn't seen from up top: mirrors all the way around the rim of the pool, facing this spot. We could see ourselves no matter which direction we looked. That must be it. While Ares and Aphrodite were smooching with each other they could look at their favorite people: themselves.

Que eight collective snorts of amusement around the room, finally something they could all agree on.

I picked up the scarf. It shimmered pink, and the perfume was indescribable, rose, or mountain laurel. Something good. I smiled, a little dreamy, and was about to rub the scarf against my cheek when Annabeth ripped it out of my hand and stuffed it in her pocket. "Oh, no you don't. Stay away from that love magic."

'How much do you think she knows about love magic?' Hearth asked with extreme interest.

'Enough I'd be worried about the next thing she gave Percy,' he chuckled back.

"What?"

"Just get the shield, Seaweed Brain, and let's get out of here."

The moment I touched the shield, I knew we were in trouble. My hand broke through something that had been connecting it to the dashboard. A cobweb, I thought, but then I looked at a strand of it on my palm and saw it was some kind of metal filament, so fine it was almost invisible. A trip wire.

"Wait," Annabeth said.

"Too late."

"There's another Greek letter on the side of the boat, another Eta. This is a trap."

"You guys are getting slightly better with every catastrophe," Thalia sighed, "now you know it's a trap right before it's sprung rather than figuring it out during it happening!"

"I've always taken whatever improvement I can," Percy shrugged.

Noise erupted all around us, of a million gears grinding, as if the whole pool were turning into one giant machine.

Grover yelled, "Guys!"

Up on the rim, the Cupid statues were drawing their bows into firing position. Before I could suggest taking cover, they shot, but not at us. They fired at each other, across the rim of the pool. Silky cables trailed from the arrows, arcing over the pool and anchoring where they landed to form a huge golden asterisk. Then smaller metallic threads started weaving together magically between the main strands, making a net.

"We have to get out," I said.

"And I thought Annabeth was the smart one," Will smirked.

"Duh!" Annabeth said.

"So that's why she's the smart one," Alex cackled.

I grabbed the shield and we ran, but going up the slope of the pool was not as easy as going down.

"Come on!" Grover shouted.

He was trying to hold open a section of the net for us, but wherever he touched it, the golden threads started to wrap around his hands.

The Cupids' heads popped open. Out came video cameras. Spotlights rose up all around the pool, blinding us with illumination, and a loudspeaker voice boomed: "Live to Olympus in one minute ... Fifty-nine seconds, fifty-eight ..."

"Hephaestus!" Annabeth screamed. "I'm so stupid.' Eta is H.' He made this trap to catch his wife with Ares. Now we're going to be broadcast live to Olympus and look like absolute fools!"

"If that is the worst thing that happens I'd call it a good day," Will shrugged, it at least explained Ares's part in all this.

Jason wasn't so sure he agreed, he shifted uneasily at the idea of being the laughing stock of onlookers. Mars shouldn't be put into that kind of position either.

We'd almost made it to the rim when the row of mirrors opened like hatches and thousands of tiny metallic ... things poured out.

Annabeth screamed.

Thalia cussed in ancient greek and Magnus jumped free of his seat in pure concern to run to her now and help even before he heard the problem. Percy's empty hand was now clenched into a fist as he watched Alex's every twitch of the lips like he was trying to read for her.

It was an army of wind-up creepy-crawlies: bronze-gear bodies, spindly legs, little pincer mouths, all scuttling toward us in a wave of clacking, whirring metal.

"Spiders!" Annabeth said.

Everybody else was wincing now as they understood. The poor girl clearly had a thing against arachnids and should not be subjected to them spontaneously popping up.

"Sp-sp-aaaah!"

I'd never seen her like this before. She fell backward in terror and almost got overwhelmed by the spider robots before I pulled her up and dragged her back toward the boat.

The things were coming out from all around the rim now, millions of them, flooding toward the center of the pool, completely surrounding us. I told myself they probably weren't programmed to kill, just corral us and bite us and make us look stupid. Then again, this was a trap meant for gods. And we weren't gods.

"Percy for the win of astute observations this chapter," Thalia groaned, no wonder her sister had never mentioned this particular adventure, she had no clue how they'd gotten out of this one and was resisting the urge to start smacking Percy to get on it if he wasn't wringing his hands with so much worry, she was getting concerned he'd start flinging the ocean about- wait. They were in a water park!

Annabeth and I climbed into the boat. I started kicking away the spiders as they swarmed aboard. I yelled at Annabeth to help me, but she was too paralyzed to do much more than scream.

Alex hadn't hesitated to see the scrutinizing look Thalia was giving her friend or much of anything, she was reading with complete concentration even over Magnus's burning gaze. At least now she knew a Halloween prank she would never pull on Annabeth.

"Thirty, twenty-nine," called the loudspeaker.

The spiders started spitting out strands of metal thread, trying to tie us down. The strands were easy enough to break at first, but there were so many of them, and the spiders just kept coming. I kicked one away from Annabeth's leg and its pincers took a chunk out of my new surf shoe.

Grover hovered above the pool in his flying sneakers, trying to pull the net loose, but it wouldn't budge.

Think, I told myself. Think.

The Tunnel of Love entrance was under the net. We could use it as an exit, except that it was blocked by a million robot spiders.

"Fifteen, fourteen," the loudspeaker called.

Water, I thought. Where does the ride's water come from?

Then I saw them: huge water pipes behind the mirrors, where the spiders had come from. And up above the net, next to one of the Cupids, a glass-windowed booth that must be the controller's station.

"Grover!" I yelled. "Get into that booth! Find the 'on' switch!"

"But-"

"Do it!" It was a crazy hope, but it was our only chance. The spiders were all over the prow of the boat now. Annabeth was screaming her head off. I had to get us out of there.

Grover was in the controller's booth now, slamming away at the buttons.

"Five, four-"

Grover looked up at me hopelessly, raising his hands. He was letting me know that he'd pushed every button, but still nothing was happening.

I closed my eyes and thought about waves, rushing water, the Mississippi River. I felt a familiar tug in my gut. I tried to imagine that I was dragging the ocean all the way to Denver.

"Two, one, zero!"

Water exploded out of the pipes.

"I've never had a book give an actual countdown for me before, usually I'm just doing that in my head," Jason sighed in relief.

"It's not over yet," Magnus cautiously lowered himself back into his seat even as he kept scrutinizing the book, he wanted to hear of his cousin back to chastising Percy or something to know she was okay after that sort of panic attack, very early childhood memories of her screaming like that over a spider in the park had convinced his mom early on not to take them outside to play much when she was over.

It roared into the pool, sweeping away the spiders. I pulled Annabeth into the seat next to me and fastened her seat belt just as the tidal wave slammed into our boat, over the top, whisking the spiders away and dousing us completely, but not capsizing us. The boat turned, lifted in the flood, and spun in circles around the whirlpool.

The water was full of short-circuiting spiders, some of them smashing against the pool's concrete wall with such force they burst.

Spotlights glared down at us. The Cupid-cams were rolling, live to Olympus.

But I could only concentrate on controlling the boat. I willed it to ride the current, to keep away from the wall. Maybe it was my imagination, but the boat seemed to respond. At least, it didn't break into a million pieces. We spun around one last time, the water level now almost high enough to shred us against the metal net. Then the boat's nose turned toward the tunnel and we rocketed through into the darkness.

Thalia managed a genuine laugh again at least as she imagined Annabeth blushing scarlet to chase away her pale face, this scene playing out for all of them to watch. She and Percy got that Thrill Ride of Love after all.

Annabeth and I held tight, both of us screaming as the boat shot curls and hugged corners and took forty-five-degree plunges past pictures of Romeo and Juliet and a bunch of other Valentine's Day stuff.

"That honestly sounds like the best tunnel of love ride ever," Will chuckled.

"I'd be happy to send anybody else crazy enough down there," Percy promised, "but please don't be getting ideas of putting this in camp."

"Where's your fun side gone Perce!" Will couldn't stop grinning at him.

"Safe in Denver," Percy reminded.

Then we were out of the tunnel, the night air whistling through our hair as the boat barreled straight toward the exit.

If the ride had been in working order, we would've sailed off a ramp between the golden Gates of Love and splashed down safely in the exit pool. But there was a problem. The Gates of Love were chained.

Two boats that had been washed out of the tunnel before us were now piled against the barricade, one submerged, the other cracked in half.

"Unfasten your seat belt," I yelled to Annabeth.

"Are you crazy?"

"Unless you want to get smashed to death." I strapped Ares's shield to my arm. "We're going to have to jump for it." My idea was simple and insane.

"I really wish that wasn't such a common thing with you," Jason muttered. They were only on the first book and this guy seemed to be made up of nothing but crazy ideas and killer monsters on his tail.

As the boat struck, we would use its force like a springboard to jump the gate. I'd heard of people surviving car crashes that way, getting thrown thirty or forty feet away from an accident. With luck, we would land in the pool.

Annabeth seemed to understand. She gripped my hand as the gates got closer.

"On my mark," I said.

"No! On my mark!"

"What?"

"Simple physics!" she yelled. "Force times the trajectory angle-"

"Fine.'" I shouted. "On your mark!"

"Look at you two cooperating, this is obviously destiny," Magnus sighed and relaxed back in his seat in pure relief again she was definitely okay.

She hesitated ... hesitated ... then yelled, "Now!"

Crack!

Annabeth was right.

"I take it back, I get to blackout some passages before Annabeth signs this," Percy theatrically sighed.

"Not a chance," Will's smirk increased.

If we'd jumped when I thought we should've, we would've crashed into the gates.

She got us maximum lift.

Unfortunately, that was a little more than we needed. Our boat smashed into the pileup and we were thrown into the air, straight over the gates, over the pool, and down toward solid asphalt.

Nico was enthralled by hearing of all this. Even in Annabeth's wisdom, her mistakes meant just as many mess-ups. Percy hadn't the perfect solution and saved the day single-handed, he had no doubts who was about to swoop in and save them. He swallowed as he watched his idol lounge back comfortably in his seat now, adjusting finally to the disorienting feeling of his pedestal getting some cracks in it. That Percy was just, normal.

Something grabbed me from behind.

Annabeth yelled, "Ouch!"

Grover!

In midair, he had grabbed me by the shirt, and Annabeth by the arm, and was trying to pull us out of a crash landing, but Annabeth and I had all the momentum.

"You're too heavy!" Grover said. "We're going down!"

We spiraled toward the ground, Grover doing his best to slow the fall.

We smashed into a photo-board, Grover's head going straight into the hole where tourists would put their faces, pretending to be Noo-Noo the Friendly Whale. Annabeth and I tumbled to the ground, banged up but alive. Ares's shield was still on my arm.

Once we caught our breath, Annabeth and I got Grover out of the photo-board and thanked him for saving our lives. I looked back at the Thrill Ride of Love. The water was subsiding. Our boat had been smashed to pieces against the gates.

A hundred yards away, at the entrance pool, the Cupids were still filming. The statues had swiveled so that their cameras were trained straight on us, the spotlights in our faces.

"Show's over!" I yelled. "Thank you! Good night!"

The Cupids turned back to their original positions. The lights shut off. The park went quiet and dark again, except for the gentle trickle of water into the Thrill Ride of Love's exit pool. I wondered if Olympus had gone to a commercial break, or if our ratings had been any good.

"Number one I'm positive, you'll have a dozen seasons in no time," Alex nodded seriously.

"Action, adventure, comedy, even a stupid love triangle, you'll be raking in the views," Will mocked along.

"Who's in the triangle?" Nico looked at him oddly, the back of his neck feeling unreasonably hot, oh gods, was he that obvious? Just because Percy was normal didn't mean he had a chance against a ship that had long since sailed.

"You don't think Grover's got a shot with either of them?" Will gave him an exaggerated mock pout, "I was rooting for it!"

"Moving on," Thalia cut in with an exasperated laugh.

I hated being teased. I hated being tricked. And I had plenty of experience handling bullies who liked to do that stuff to me. I hefted the shield on my arm and turned to my friends. "We need to have a little talk with Ares."

"It won't stay little for long," Alex said with confidence, imagining the yelling Percy could hopefully get out of his system as she passed the book along to him.

[sukirichi]

Hi! I hope you're doing okay. So I just had a thot. And idk what to do with it. So Imma just put it here cause your blog is my new favourite. I'm not even joking. I literally devoured everything related to Tokyo Rev on your blog. So here's my theory. Do correct me if you think I'm wrong Sensei!

Bouten husbands and where they liked to be kissed the most/ or is their weakness. (Ps: it's just my opinion. I mean no offense to anyone.)

Mikey~ Kiss him on his shoulders and he'll cry. Cause he's been bearing all the burden of his dark and decaying world for so long that he doesn't even know that he needs to take a minute for himself and rely on others around him. Especially since most ppl around him are willing to give their life and limbs for Mikey. He just can't seem to keep that in mind. So you've taken it upon yourself to remind him frm time to time. Just a little peck on his strong and broad-ish shoulders to remind him that he's not alone. That if nothing, he has you. He always will.

Rindou~ Something about being kissed on his cheeks, especially by his lover, does things to him. Like his cardiovascular muscles do a little somersault in his chest or something. Because yes, it doesn't matter if he's one of the big, scary and irreplaceable executive of Bouten, he still has an unconscious inferiority complex. Sometimes it just skips his mind that despite everything, he too deserves the world. And every once in a while you need to remind him about it. That he doesn't have to be flashy and snarky like his brother. He just needs to be himself and that he is undeniably worthy of love.

Ran~ Not many people are taller than him, you are no exception. So it makes sense that in order to kiss him you need to be on your tippy toes. And still you're only able to reach his neck. So yeah, just kiss him there. Right on his Adam's apple and he's a goner. It doesn't even have to be sexual. Ran is always the one to take charge. It's kind of in his nature and you happily oblige him. But every now and then, you also need to remind him to take a breather That he can just let go and get dotted over for a change. You're more than happy to take care of him, that he needs to be taken care off.

Koko~ This man not only, brings in the big dough for Bouten, but also beats up people while at it. To say that he's always overworked is an understatement. His hands are always doing something, illegal things most of the time. He knows he's no saint. That there's no coming back into the light. He's painfully aware. But once e intertwine your hands together and kiss him on top of his knuckles, he swears that it's his redemption. You're the only light in his dark and dangerous world.

Kaku-chan~ Please. Just kiss this man on his forehead. Please. He's literally out there, ready to give his life for the things he wants to protect. He's always doing that. Protecting the people that have gone astray, who have no more hope left. He's ready to die for them, if it means they'll keep going. So please, just once, just protect him instead. Protect him from the demons he skillfully hided in his head. Protect him from the nightmares that torment him every night. Just protect him for a change. He needs it more than he's willing to admit.

Sanzu~ Okay. Hear me out. He's deranged and he knows it. He knows he's won't bat an eye before painfully torturing someone to death. Heck he'll even do it with a smile plastered on his face. He knows that he's stained in blood almost all the time.(sometimes his own, most of the other times, not his own). He'll even relish it. He knows that he's been tainted with burden of death. He knows that he lives in the shadows. He's not sane. He's not good. He's bad. He's ugly. You can tell that these awful thoughts keep him awake at night. So when they do and he has this almost painful look on his face. Just pull him close and kiss him on his face, over and over. Kiss his scars, kiss his lips, kiss his nose, his eyes. Just don't stop until he's got your point across. That yes, it's true that he's despicable. But you still love him nonetheless.

Ps: Sorry that was too long and kinds got out of hand. But these are just my "thots". Thank you for hearing me out!~ Thot anon

hi i’m doing okay, thanks for asking n i hope you are too !! also aaah i’m glad to know my blog is your new fave, i hope you enjoy more of my future tokrev content 🥺 ALSO YES ITS HEADCANON TIME LETS GO LETS GO

mikey n shoulder kisses 🥺 i hc that mikey is stiff and rigid all the time without knowing. like you said, he has a lot on his mind and draken even said mikey had a heavy ass cross to bear, so imagine the weight and burdens he has to shoulder 🥺 so if you lean into him for a hug then kiss his shoulders, mikey deflates. to him, its like a reminder he doesn’t have to carry it all by himself all the time and poor bb forgets that often

cheek kisses for rindou 🥺 the idea of this big, bad executive infamous for breaking limbs but is actually a sucker for cheek kisses and turns into a soft lil bean when you cup his face and just smother him with love n affection? bless. rindou probably unknowingly exerts too much effort sometimes to prove something - may it be his strength, his power, or how he’s perfectly capable of fighting by himself - he’ll have that voice at the back of his head that he needs to do something. giving him cheek kisses grounds him and elicits butterflies in his stomach bcos he realizes that, “oh, i don’t have to try so hard. silly me...now more cheek kisses, please.”

ran and neck kisses !! ON THE FLOOR RN, TELL ME MORE. but yes omg i also hc that ran is such a giver and grown up to look for others the way he does for rindou, so in his head, he’s kind of drilled it into himself that he has to be the one in the lead - not necessarily in a mikey way - but in a “he needs to take charge and take his responsibilities seriously” kind of thing. like mikey, ran is probably often deep in thought as well despite his teasing mannerisms, that when you kiss his neck he can’t help but soften. he enjoys being doted on. loves to be the one on the receiving side. has the sweetest smile on his face when he gets a lil ticklish and he just feels like he’s on cloud nine <33

knuckle kisses for koko 😫 everything you said was on point !! his hands are probably so tired from fighting and counting bills all day, not to mention the amount of paperwork he has to do bcos who else will do them ?? no one knows the inner system of koko and how it works as well as koko does, and he wants to do his job right. he gets a little too absorbed in his work, however, that koko gets a little confused when you take his hands away from whatever he’s working on to leave little kisses at the pads of his knuckles, maybe even massaging his hands or playing with his fingers to help him relax a bit. and you know how koko is so good at what he does bcos its all he knows, but at the same he probably hates how he treads on this dark path ?? so when you kiss his knuckles, he feels relieved. like everything will be okay and second chances are real n something he’s worthy of

omg now this is my favorite - kakucho + foreahead kisses. forehead kisses are always so intimate and soothing in a sense. like come here so you can kiss him on the forehead, watch the way his eyes flutter close and a smile tugs at his lips when your lips trail down to his scar, all the while your hands are cupping his face with such tenderness he never really knew of. kakucho is so used to being the tough guy with his rough childhood that it almost feels surreal. surreal that he’s in bed, with you, safe and sound and you’re kissing his forehead so comfortingly he doesn’t have to worry about putting his walls down for a second. he feels safe. he feels at home. but most of all, he knows he’s not alone and he has you - his family

kissing sanzu’s scars 🥺 everything you said was beautiful n i can totally see it happening !! as much as we all know sanzu takes great pleasure and finds entertainment in what he does, it sinks down a little too late. when he’s not high, that’s when he feels the lows. when the blood on his hands are dried, that’s when he realizes it gets harder to wash them off until it stains deep all the way into his soul. then his scars. he sees his scars and remembers how he has to hide them at some point. he stays awake at night and oddly enough, silent and unmoving. and what better way to ease his worries than to pull him close and just to kiss his scars that he thinks are only one of the ways the darkness - the ugliness - of his soul shows through. keep him close and kiss his scars. sanzu may not always be in the right mind to understand your words, but the simple gesture of showing love and acceptance to a part of him that makes him a whole will engrave deep into his heart. leave him butterfly kisses. kiss him from everywhere to his eyes until they flutter close to sleep. kiss his nose adoringly until they scrunch so cutely. kiss his lips until its your taste that overwhelms him. and kiss his scars to remind him his imperfections are accepted and loved

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

tuxedo, m | myg

pairing(s): yoongi x reader, mentions of previous jungkook x reader

summary: Your cat turns into a man. No, not, your cat was always a man and turned back into a man. Your actual cat turns into an actual man and neither you or your cat (man? cat-man?) have any idea why he's human now. Also, he's naked, so that’s a problem. Also, he’s kind of attractive. Yikes.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language, mentions of the coronavirus pandemic; possibly full-on crack; Yoongi still thinks he’s a cat; mentions of smut (fem reader, m-receiving oral (choking on a dick, but not in a sexy way), doggy, spanking, wall-fucking, unintentional??? voyeurism); non-idol!AU - cat!Yoongi x human!reader; ft slightly cocky Jeon Jungkook and you being mad horny for him, what’s new; breaking of the fourth wall; are YOU a furry? you decide

an anon asked for cat hybrid Yoongi, although instead this is some voodoo witch doctor shit, whoops yes, I do reference BT21, Bob Ross, the lady-pointing-to-the-cat-accusingly meme, list goes on... and there is a cameo of 2021 Seasons Greetings Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin XD

--

Your lungs were being crushed.

You were bundled in your duvet, wrapped like a mint-colored burrito, on your back, head nestled comfortably in your memory foam pillow. Warm, cozy, snuggly. All things considered, a comfortable position. So comfortable that you were blessedly asleep for many hours until your lungs started getting crushed.

You cracked one eye open.

A giant tuxedo fluffball was causing this slow and painful death.

“Get off.”

You glared with slitted eyes, voice cracking from sleep. The fluffball did not move. Velvety, pointed black ears flicked back and forth. The little pink nostrils flared a bit, breathing evenly and contentedly. At least one of you was. You grunted in irritation. The minty-green eyes opened, black slits for pupils.

“I’m going to die.”

Your cat meowed in your face.

“Shut the fuck up. Get off.”

He yawned.

You narrowed your eyes and lips into lines. Stared at your insufferable, not-so-subtle tuxedo cat that was killing his owner. How long had he and his seven-kilogram ass been sitting on your tits? Too long because your sternum was already aching. You rolled over and he gave you a disgruntled meow as he tumbled off. You pulled your arms out and gave him a soft scratch behind his ears before reaching around to his white belly and patting his chest. He started purring, rolling to his side, white sock-like paws sticking up.

“Ugh, my chest hurts, Shooks. You’re a dick.”

Your cat gave zero fucks.

You were still petting him. Sigh.

“I’m getting up,” you announced to no one except your cat.

You tugged yourself out of your comfy, mint-colored duvet and winced, rubbing your breastbone. Did you buy this bedding set because it reminded you of your cat’s eye color? Yes. Were you a crazy cat lady? Maybe. In your defense, you hadn’t meant to become a crazy cat lady. You were innocently walking on the street when the tuxedo-patterned cat started following you. A large cat with big minty eyes surrounded by black fur like black bangs. White snout and jaw, pink nose, and a raspy meow. The tuxedo pattern was pretty similar to an actual suit, with a white chest and black fur over its back and limbs. White, sock-like paws, on the bigger side. Cute pink toe beans too. At the time, he was skinny and dirty, no collar around his neck, but you could tell he was long-limbed. He had a cut on his right eye, caked with blood.

“You alright, little guy?”

The cat seemed to scoff at you disapprovingly, as if to say, do I seem like a little guy to you?

“I guess you’re not a little guy. You have an owner?”

The cat’s response was headbutting your calf.

You took him back to your apartment and then it was doomed.

Why was his name Shooks? Well, actually, your cat’s name was Shooky, and it was because you tried many names to get him to respond to you – including, but not limited to, “you little shit” – and he responded to none of them except Shooky. For some reason, Shooky made him turn his black-and-white face around and look at you.

Shooky it was.

The first encounter was cute, but after you had fed him and given him a few pats, you gave him a good, hard taste of reality. Shooky was very upset about getting a bath for the first time. There had been a lot of angry meowing, although thankfully he hadn’t swiped at you very much. As soon as you got mostly undressed and sat in the bath with him, he seemed to relent. Maybe it was because you closed the glass door and he couldn’t leave.

“Do you see how dirty you are? You need a bath.”

He gave you a disapproving meow.

“Look, I even bought pet shampoo and you’ll get treats after. Come on, you.”

He was very displeased.

In any case, Shooky was now your primary companion, a large, long-limbed, fluffy tuxedo cat, following you around as you brushed your teeth and made breakfast, his new black collar jingling with a tiny silver bell. Every morning, you handed him his dry food first – he chomped down immediately – and made yourself some breakfast as he ate. Somehow your life now revolved around him, spending time looking up the best cat food (without paying an arm and a leg, you weren’t a sugar momma), making sure he was brushed (his hair got everywhere), telling everyone you needed to get home because you couldn’t miss his dinnertime (if you were a second late opening the door, Shooky would start meowing very exaggeratedly, like he was dying, what a drama queen). Was he annoying? Yes. Was he the best cuddle buddy? Also, yes. Kind of like a boyfriend, but better, because Shooky didn’t talk back.

You arranged your small dishes on the table. Tofu. Eggs. Pickled squash. Just enough for one. You sat down, holding your bowl of steamed rice.

A tuxedo furball jumped onto the table, licking his chops.

“Look here, this isn’t for you. Shoo.”

He settled onto the tabletop and stared at you as you ate.

Sigh.

-

Live with a cat was pretty similar to life without one.

Except for that weird habit Shooky had of sitting on your bathroom rug when you got out of the shower, scaring the shit out of you the first time. You lived alone, so you didn’t really bother closing doors, but you considered changing that. But it was just a cat. Also, he walked in here of his own volition. Not your fault if his eyes were scarred.

Shooky was a normal cat, but also a weird cat.

He slept a lot. Normal. He bit his paws sometimes. Weird. You figured maybe it was his nails, so you learned to trim them and he seemed better about it, but sometimes when he was stressed, you would notice fur missing from his little white socks. A lot of things could stress a cat. The internet taught you that. You brought him toys and played with him, but mostly he seemed to want you to sit down so he could plant himself in your lap. This make life rather difficult, so you decided it was time to invest in Netflix so you could at least use your time wisely.

This was for your cat, remember.

Yes, binging shows on Netflix was for your cat.

The weirdest thing was…

Shooky was always stressed when you invited a man into your home.

Maybe he didn’t like men. Something in his past, maybe? Could be. Come to think of it, did you even like men? That was a question for another day, but in any case, your cat always gave you this accusing stare when you brought a guy over, no matter how nice the guy was, even if the guy petted him very gently. Shooky never attacked them. He just glared at you like you had betrayed him somehow. How could that be?

What a needy drama queen.

You figured, eh, it didn’t really matter. He wasn’t trying to sabotage your chances of finding true love and all that stuff. 

Who are we kidding?

You’d settle for a simple good dicking.

Well, there was that one time.

That time you were in the middle of giving a guy a blowjob. It was going great. You were naked, he was naked, he had a tattooed arm – hot as fuck – and he was very vocally enjoying your tongue technology. Hey, you didn’t have many talents, but you had that going for you. Even if a guy was mildly apprehensive about banging you, once you got your mouth on his dick, it was game over. You mentally patted yourself on the back for doing such a good job.

Positive reinforcement, right?

Annnnnnnd then…

Your cat jumped onto your back and made you choke on his dick.

“Urk!”

“Oh, fu–”

All seven kilos right between your shoulder blades. Oof.

“Are you okay?” He was half-worried, half-laughing, and Shooky was climbing up your back, pressing onto your neck, one paw on the nape, trying to murder you by dick suffocation. It took both of you to lift you off the dick – sad – and Shooky left a few scratches on your neck, as if to communicate his distaste of your infidelity. The guy was really nice about it. Actually, he found it hilarious. You scowled at Shooky and he gave you that deadpan stare that all cats seemed to have. The rest of the night was hot and heavy like you wanted and you even eventually got to complete said blowjob, which brightened your spirits.

It was a little disorienting that your cat was watching you from his cat tree the entire time.

Creep.

Honestly, you would have kept dating that guy if he didn’t move to a different city. Sigh.

Eventually, you stopped bringing men over.

One, because Shooky. Two, because worldwide pandemic.

Sigh.

-

The night that changed everything was ordinary.

Too ordinary.

You were passed out on the couch, halfway into season six of American Horror Story, somewhat peeved because you wanted to watch the other seasons, but geez, season five had such a poor story and hard focus on gore that it slightly turned you off. That it was a lot, even for you. Season six was better, but slow. The first four seasons had really hooked you and the idea of them all being connected? Nutty. You wanted to watch all of it.

Idea of season five? Awesome.

Lady Gaga? Yeah, why not, you’d be seduced.

Execution? Eh… could be better.

Shooky hadn’t watched any of it. He just slept in your lap.

Subtitles really helped you out here. You didn’t understand how the English-speaking audience could hear the whispering parts, but maybe that was because your English was garbage. You could read better than listen.

At the moment, you weren’t reading shit.

You were half-tucked in a fuzzy black blanket with a tuxedo cat pattern. Did you see the tuxedo cat pattern and buy it immediately? Yes. Were you a crazy cat lady? Maybe. In any case, your head was cocked at an awkward angle on the couch cushion and your mouth was open, snoring away. Attractive. You were wearing mint-colored, striped pajamas, one arm hanging off the couch and the other on Shooky’s furry butt, because you had been petting him.

Netflix was doing that annoying thing where it was asking you if you were still watching or not.

You couldn’t respond.

Shooky was awake.

Your cat was staring at your laptop on your coffee table. It was open. An HDMI cable connected it to your television. Not a clean setup, but an effective one. Again, you lived alone. Who was going to judge you? Your tuxedo cat?

Pfft.

Your cat was awake.

He got off your lap and hopped to the coffee table, peering at your laptop. Then he did what any sensible cat would do.

He walked all over your keyboard.

Circling around and around, smashing all the buttons with his cute pink toe beans, looking for a comfortable spot before settling down and planting his fluffy body on top of it. Windows closed, tabs appeared, the volume got muted, your display settings got fucked, the usual.

The unusual part was that your cat was looking at the screen.

Your internet browser was open.

A video was playing on a mysterious website.

A handsome young man with a boxy smile was wearing a sienna floral dress shirt and sunglasses, oddly paired with flared violet pants. He was standing next to another young man with an angelic face who, for some reason, was wearing a pastel floral handkerchief around on his head and a white-and-navy tracksuit with black, red, and green stripes. They were standing in some weird set with a black tablecloth covered round table and a lavender crystal ball, crystal-like beaded curtains glinting in strangely colorful lighting.

There was no volume.

Your cat tilted his head at the screen, curious.

The man with the boxy smile was speaking excitedly, gesturing to the angelic-looking man who seemed to be in awe. A retro, old school graphic popped up, flowers surrounding a blocky orange and green serif font, mildly tacky but somehow endearing in its own way.

COULD WISHES REALLY BE GRANTED?

Your cat tilted his head the other way.

Your cat didn’t know Korean.

… Right?

Well, you did mostly speak to him in Korean. Maybe he was secretly fluent. He definitely knew, don’t fucking do that, because you would witness him doing the very thing you told him not to do right after you said it. Bastard. But you couldn’t bear witness to this now. You were knocked out on the couch.

Zzz.

Boxy-smile guy placed his fingers elegantly on his forehead, mock dismay on his features, acting as if he couldn’t believe the viewer’s skepticism. Angel-looking guy placed his hands in prayer position, the text now reading, I won’t believe you unless you prove it! Boxy-smile guy flourished to the camera, showing off his brilliant pearly-white smile, mouthing words unheard. Text appeared once more.

Make a wish, any wish!

Your cat closed his eyes and appeared to be asleep.

The video turned black and disappeared into purple sparkles.

Your internet browser unexpectedly closed.

-

You woke up with a painful stitch in your neck and Shooky nowhere to be found.

“Fuck…”

You tried to get up, but underestimated the cramp in your back and fell onto the hardwood floor.

“Fuck!”

You blamed the pandemic for fucking up your sleep schedule. Also, getting old. Fuck getting old and being an adult. Time didn’t stop just because you didn’t go to work. Well, not true. You did go to work; your work was just different now. You were YouTube video editor, which meant you were mostly edited video game montages now instead of travel vlogs. The work was slower now. People were getting discouraged, taking breaks, because, you know.

Pandemic.

Sigh.

Anyway, not the point. You were grateful that your work was mostly internet and computer-based. Not everyone was so lucky. You were also grateful that you didn’t work in an industry that was too negatively affected by the pandemic. It had started off as a hobby, but then the creators you were helping unexpectedly blew up, needing your help more and more. You fell into it by accident, but that’s how life was. Happy little accidents. You couldn’t complain. As long as you had some income to feed your cat and you, that was enough.

Speaking of cat.

“Shooky?”

No meow.

Huh.

He normally would meow or trot over to you when called. He was weirdly affectionate like that.

You were still on the floor, on hands and knees, crick in your neck and back aching. Ah yes, age was just a number until your back pain flared up due to repeated nights of unintentionally falling asleep on the couch. Lovely. You stretched out your back with a groan and yawned, cracking your neck.

“FUCK!”

That hurt. Ugh, you really needed to stop sleeping on the sofa. You untangled yourself from your blanket and headed to the bathroom, rubbing your neck. You still didn’t see your fluffy, seven-kilogram, kind-of-an-ass tuxedo cat, but whatever. He had to be in the apartment. He couldn’t exactly leave. He was a cat. What was he going to do, grow legs and opposable thumbs?

Pfft.

You shoved your toothpaste-covered toothbrush in your mouth and began brushing your teeth. You hummed, trying to remember if you had any deadlines. Eh, they were on your Google calendar. You would check it after washing up. You spat and brushed for a few more minutes, thinking about nothing. This was nice. Sometimes it was nice to think about nothing. No major problems to address, simply a chill and routine morning.

Seemed sufficient.

You reached over to the spit cup and put some lukewarm water in it before taking your toothbrush out and sipping some water to gargle the minty suds out.

You heard a deep, raspy voice call your name.

“Hmm?”

You looked in the mirror.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Your mouth was full of dirty toothpaste water, cheeks puffed out.

The voice called your name again, quietly.

Nervously.

Your eyes widened, staring into the mirror in shock.

A pale man was standing behind you, wearing your mint-colored duvet over his shoulders. Messy black hair to his rounded cheeks, dark brown cat-like eyes, small pink pout. His nose was a little red, as if he was cold. There was a black choker on his neck, with a silver bell. He was taller than you, and he looked very confused.

Also.

Pointed, velvety black ears on top of his head, white tufts of fur sticking out, flicking back and forth.

You spat all over your mirror in shock.

“Urk–!”

The man jerked back as you threw your head into the sink, hastily taking another cupful of water to rinse out your mouth because, WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON? Why was there a man in your apartment? With fucking cat ears? That moved? What kind of kinky shit was that? Were you dreaming? What the fuck?! You grabbed the hand towel from its hook and furiously wiped the dirty water off your mirror, completely convinced you were having sensory and auditory hallucinations. Did you drink last night? Accidentally buy groceries laced with LSD? Snorted three kilos of cocaine off a hooker? Who the fuck knows, but there was no fucking way that you let some fucking man in your home, because, one, pandemic and, two, Shooky–

You froze.

The pale man with black hair was still there, standing in the doorway of your bathroom, looking slightly disgusted, but also scared.

He said your name again. A question, almost like a raspy meow.

It was…

Familiar?

You violently wiped your bathroom mirror some more, nearly cracking the glass.

The man was still there, wearing your mint-colored duvet.

Slowly, slowly, you turned around to face this man, your neck cracking loudly, sending searing pain up the back of your head and reminding you that, nope, this is not a dream, and if it was, it was a very shitty dream because at least in a dream you shouldn’t actually feel pain. You looked up at this man, at his fluffy black bangs shading his dark attentive eyes and pale face, chewing on his lip, clutching your duvet around his body like a giant mint cloak.

The cat ears on his head twitched.

“Uh…”

You blinked at him, watching the ears.

“Do… I know you?”

He gave you an eerily recognizable deadpan stare. “I think you do.”

No way.

What?

No.

This wasn’t possible.

You’re drunk, high, or in purgatory.

(You did have sex before marriage.)

“S… Shooky?” you croaked.

The man took a deep breath and shook his head.

“Actually, my name is Min Yoongi.”

You blinked at him. “What? You have a name?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

Relief washed over you. “What do you mean, you guess? That means you’re a human being! With a birth certificate! Thank God, I thought you were my fucking cat for some reason, haha, that’s so fucking ridiculous–!” For some reason, the idea of a random stranger being in your home was much more comfortable to you than you damn cat becoming a human being, because for a hot second, you thought… but no, no, that’s stupid. “Speaking of ridiculous, these ears are crazy dude, they look almost real–”

You reached up and yanked on one of the velvety ears.

“Ow, what the fuck!”

Oh.

Oh my God.

OhmyfuckingGodthey’reattachedtohishead.

“What the FUCK?” you bellowed and a large pale hand shot out of the duvet to clamp one of his cat ears down, shrinking away from you.

“Stop yelling, please, I have sensitive hearing,” Yoongi winced, ticking his head, as if he was trying to flatten the other ear too, but couldn’t. His other hand was holding tightly to the mint duvet.

You saw a glimpse of a pale chest.

Your eyes widened into the size of saucepans.

His hand darted back into the duvet and clamped it shut from your bulging eyes, frowning. He quickly bundled himself up and straightened, thinning his mouth into a line. A few seconds passed. You gawked at him, jaw slack. The pale man sighed heavily.

“My name is Min Yoongi. My parents gave me that name. I don’t think I have a human birth certificate because I’m not a human. I am a cat. You used to call me Shooky, but Min Yoongi is my name, so I would appreciate it if you called me by my given name.”

Your jaw went even more slack.

“Cats… have names?” you squeaked.

Yoongi made a face at you. “Of course, we do. We are not savages.”

“B… But…” You frowned, shoulders falling. “You seemed to like the name Shooky…”

Yoongi shrugged his duvet-covered shoulders. “It sounded better than all the other names you suggested.”

You puffed your cheeks, placing your hands on your hips. “What was wrong with Tata? Or Chimmy? Or Cooky?”

Yoongi gave you a disapproving glare. “Well, perhaps in a parallel universe the name Shooky is somehow important to me. In any case, it was the best suggestion.”

You narrowed your eyes, frowning. “You little shit.”

“I especially disliked that one. Seemed a bit discriminating to our size difference…” He paused, looking down at you. “At the time anyway.”

Your hands fell, looking up at your cat. Er. Min Yoongi. “So, uh… Yoongi…?”

He tilted his head, peering curiously at you under his black bangs. “Hm?”

You pointed at him, gesturing up and down. “Why are you, uh… a man?”

He looked down at the duvet covering his body. You stared at your bedding wrapped around him. Why was he wearing it anyway? In fact, all you could see was a black choker with a silver bell. The mental lightning bolt suddenly hit you. Oh. Your neck began to heat. Your ears began to heat. Your whole face began to heat. Oh. Oh? Oh! Shooky – er, Yoongi? – whatever, your cat didn’t wear clothes. He only wore a collar… which meant…

It felt like your whole body was on fire with abrupt realization.

Yoongi looked up at your mint-pajama-wrapped, now tomato self still pointing at him.

“I don’t know why I’m a man.”

One of his eyebrows raised. Then Yoongi smirked.

An open-mouthed, amused smirk.

“And yes, I’m naked. Your clothes don’t fit me. I tried.”

-

Your cat, er, man? Cat-man? What even... never mind, Min Yoongi was sitting on your bed, still wrapped in your mint duvet like a key lime cake roll, waiting as you rummaged around in your dresser, searching for literally any piece of clothing that might possibly fit him. The problem was, you worked from home, so you didn't exactly own a plethora of different clothing options. Your daily wardrobe consisted of slinky black leggings...

"They're stretchy?" you suggested timidly. 

Yoongi had blinked at you. "I don't think so."

"It could work?"

He pursed his lips together. "I think you're forgetting something."

You gave him a blank look. "Huh?"

Yoongi gave you his deadpan stare. "I believe you are well acquainted with human male genitalia."

Oh.

Right. 

He had a dick.

You turned red and robotically shoved your leggings back into their place. A sudden thought flitted across your brain and you spun back to face him, blurting it out before filtering yourself. 

"Hahaha, good thing I never got you fixed, eh?"

Yoongi blinked very, very slowly. It was hard to tell if he was annoyed, amused, or wanted to murder you. In conclusion, typical cat behavior. 

"I'm not fond of the idea of castration, so I suppose so."

Awkward.

Your vet had suggested it, but since he had been an indoor cat and you weren't intending on getting another, you figured you wouldn't put him under the unnecessary surgery and it would help you avoid the cost. A little irresponsible? Maybe. But you were very careful not to leave the front door open and, so far, he hasn't had the chance to get some poor lady cat knocked up.

Unfortunately…

He knew you considered permanently removing his nuts. Yikes.

Sorry, Shooks. Er, Yoongi. 

In any case!

The other half of your daily wardrobe was sweatshirts, but Yoongi's shoulders were too broad for them and he was too tall. Why was he so big anyway? Well, he wasn’t exactly big, just long-limbed. You guessed he was actually on the leaner side, judging from the way the duvet wrapped around him and the brief flash of long fingers, slim forearm, and toned chest. He had been a larger cat.

Seven kilos turned into... him?

You suddenly started and yanked open your underwear drawer, shuffling through it to get to the back and pull out a neatly folded dark gray blob.

"I have this–"

"No."

The response was so forceful and dismissive that you froze, the dark gray fabric unfurling in your loose grip. It was a large men's sweatshirt, soft, charcoal, slightly acid-wash, covered with white paint stains. Eggshell white, to be exact. The exact paint color of this very bedroom, because you had worn it to repaint over that original disgusting beige color.

"Why not?" you inquired, holding it up by the shoulders. "It'll fit you, for sure. It used to be..."

Yoongi kept his completely neutral expression trained on you as you reached your revelation, his dark eyes observing every detail of your body's reaction to the memory. Your grip on the sweatshirt tightened. You felt your cheeks and ears heat, pulse roaring in your ears.

Oh.

Er, right, so…

That one time that Shooky – no, Yoongi? – jumped on your back and made you choke on a dick? Yeah, that guy. Tattoo guy. Yeah, well, before that incident, tattoo guy was the friend of a friend who offered to help you paint your apartment because he had experience working construction – “helped my dad fix-up a house to resell for a couple months,” he had said with his disgustingly cute, cheeky grin, making you nod like an idiot and your pussy throb with his endearing adorableness – and you had moved all the furniture out so you two could get it done quickly.

You had to put your cat in the bathroom.

You didn’t want him to breathe in the fumes or get paint on his luscious fur. It was for his own good.

Tattoo guy had appeared in said charcoal sweatshirt, black ripped jeans, and the most attractive thighs in the whole damn universe, just out and about, giant holes exposing tan skin and taut muscle. Your eyes widened, frozen at your front door.

Oh yeah, he had paint rollers too. You hadn’t given a shit about those in that moment.

He had noticed you staring and laughed sheepishly. “Sorry, I just wore the ugliest pants I own. It might get messy, you know?”

No, tattoo guy. No one thought your pants were ugly.

You sure as hell didn’t.

“Oh, yeah, that’s why I wore this gross t-shirt,” you said absentmindedly, referring to your four-sizes-too-large, free t-shirt that had been chucked at your head while walking past your university common area. It was a hideous chanteuse with magenta writing, a color combination that absolutely deserved to go to hell, and could not even be saved by the quirky, stylish, thrift-savvy TIkTokers of today. It was the ugliest thing you owned, so you wore it to repaint your bedroom.

Now you regretted it.

Tattoo guy looked you up and down. He smirked under his long black hair.

“Your body still looks great though.”

“… Urk?”

Didn’t really matter that you couldn’t conjure a sexy response, because, clearly, tattoo guy had made his decision leagues before arriving here. Painting a bedroom? Oh, yeah, you did that, and with way too much sexual tension. A man should not be that flirty while holding two paint rollers and speed painting your walls. What were you supposed to do? You barely knew the guy. All you managed to do was make awkward small talk to get to know him better. Then he took off his sweatshirt.

“Wait, that’s illegal.”

He had smirked at you, spinning the paint roller in his hand, white t-shirt molded to his body. “Hm?”

You were being mildly disrespected, but also you were gawking at his tattooed right arm and his blindingly beautiful forearms. Cough, no. You didn’t have a thing for attractive forearms. Wasn’t like staring at this muscular pair was making you weak at the knees or anything. Okay, maybe. But you weren’t going to say it out loud. Tattoo guy ticked his chin below you, to the floor. Your job was to paint the little nooks at the corners, ceiling, and baseboards. You spent a whole lot of your job sneaking glances at him and getting caught.

Shit.

“You missed a spot.”

You whipped your head to the floor, craning your head to look for it. A paint roller appeared beside you, pointing to a small sliver for nasty beige. He had a clear, silvery voice.

“Right here.”

You frowned at it and raised your paintbrush in warning to the offensive beige, ready to strike.

“… Noona.”

You started and fell over.

You sputtered, legs tangled, oversized shirt flipping up, trying not to drop the paintbrush and drawing a fat streak across the unpainted wall. You shook your head roughly, clutching the handle of the brush, cool draft floating up your shirt.

Tattoo guy appeared above you, grinning, his front teeth slightly too large and giving him the appearance of a rambunctious bunny.

“You alright?”

You felt your neck and ears heat. No, you were not alright. Yes, you were older, but that didn’t… that wasn’t the time… You didn’t expect it, that’s all. You tried very hard not to look at his thighs. Or his face. Or his chest. Just didn’t look at him. Also, you were pretty sure you were flashing him and pretty fucking sure you didn’t give a shit.

You coughed awkwardly. “Yup, I’m good.”

Back to copious sexual tension complemented by paint fumes.

Once the first coat was down, you two stood in the center of the room, surrounded by the plastic drop cloth, him banishing a paint roller and you a paintbrush. Challenge complete and it didn’t take you very long. Nice.

“We have to let it dry and then we can paint another coat,” he was explaining.

“It looks fine like this.”

Tattoo guy clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “Once it dries, it will look uneven. Trust me.”

You frowned. “Okay. How long should we wait?”

“Couple hours, at least.”

A couple hours? You frowned more. “What are we supposed to do until then?”

He didn’t reply. You turned your head to face him and tattoo guy was staring at you with a smile.

Uh oh.

He was spinning the paint roller with one hand. You felt your ears and neck heat. He switched from his left hand to his right, seamlessly. Incredibly sexy. Were the paint fumes getting to you? You gulped, awkwardly gesturing to the paintbrush.

“Let me just… put this down…”

You turned around and balanced your paintbrush in the paint tray, only to gasp as your felt something foamy roll down your back, covering you with the strong stench of paint. It stopped above the curve of your ass, unable to roll smoothly any longer.

“Hmm, can’t get past your juicy ass, noona,” he teased.

You spun around, cheeks flushed, sputtering.

No, no. You didn’t forget tattoo guy’s name. You remembered it, even now. Remembered saying it in multiple different ways, even.

“Jeon J-Jungkook!”

In surprise, streaks of paint in your hair, him smirking, dropping the paint roller on the other plastic tray and somehow not tipping it over, thank goodness, him walking up to you, taking the bottom of your paint-covered chanteuse university t-shirt, leaning down to whisper hotly against your lips.

“Ah, sorry, it seemed like you didn’t like that shirt very much,” he breathed, sending your brain into overdrive with the heat against your skin, his knuckles brushing your thighs. “You can wear my sweatshirt instead, if you like.”

Your eyes widened, staring at him in shock.

“J… Jungkook…”

In breathlessness, heart pounding in your chest, gaze locked with mischievous dark chocolate orbs, his teeth catching his lower lip, tiny mole underneath revealed.

“Yeah?”

Why was his voice so deep? The tiny tip of his pink tongue darted out, licking his lips enticingly.

“… Noona?”

This man was illegal.

Your hands darted down and gripped his, catching your lower lip in your teeth as well, matching his lip bite, seeing the eagerness growing in his eyes.

Someone should call the police. Or an ambulance.

You grinned, cocking an eyebrow. “I don’t want to wear anything around you.”

But not for you.

There was a very loud meow from your bathroom, but before Jungkook could ask, you yanked your shirt up and over your head. He gasped and instantly it was lips on lips, messy kisses and stumbling to the living room were your bed, dresser, nightstands, bookcase, knickknacks, everything scattered everywhere, but Jungkook and you were too busy yanking off clothes and getting frisky to give a shit.

Yikes.

You stared at Yoongi now, red from head to toe, clutching the dark gray sweatshirt. He rolled his eyes and looked away from you.

“I… washed it?” you offered weakly.

Yoongi’s dark brows raised from under his black bangs. “Mmm, you forget that I have quite keen hearing. I’m not deaf like you, human.”

The color drained from your face.

Well.

Maybe, just maybe, Jungkook got you to wear his dark gray sweatshirt, forcing you – respectfully, he called you noona, after all – to get on your hands and knees for him, then make you wait in said embarrassing position with his sweatshirt bunched around your neck – because, er, gravity – while he casually made you watch him roll the condom on, highly amused by your impatient glare, only to move away and slowly shove his dick inside your soaking wet pussy and spank your ass until you backed up into him enough times to make yourself cum on his stiff length without him moving his hips.

Respectfully, of course.

“Fuck, noona, that was so fucking hot…”

“Jungkook,” you gasped breathlessly, ass stinging in glorious pain. “F-Fuck me, please.”

He made you scream.

He fucked your hard, making the bed creak, pounding you so roughly into the mattress that your fingers curled into the mint sheets, and when you gasped that you were close, he fucking stopped, the damn sadist, causing you to slam your fists into the bed and buck back into his crotch, Jungkook chuckling at your desperation. In your haze of begging for Jungkook’s cock, you heard a judgmental meow from your bathroom, but before you could address it, Jungkook seemed to have accepted your pleading and began to thrust into you once more, making you lose your train of thought and all thoughts in general, except your dire need to orgasm.

Jungkook had made you moan for hours.

Right now, however, Yoongi’s sharp look was making you mute. You were so mortified that you swore your soul stood up and walked out of your body, too ashamed to be in Yoongi’s presence any longer.

“Mmm,” the dark-haired man mused absentmindedly, pointed ears flicking.

From spitting onto the mirror to mentioning his possible castration to remembering that you had locked Yoongi in the bathroom for hours to have mind-blowing sex with Jeon Jungkook under the guise of repainting your bedroom walls…

Too bad life doesn’t have an undo button.

You suddenly remembered Jungkook pushing you up against the bathroom door, your leg hooked around his waist, his cock plunging in and out of you, lips on your neck, and your wrists pinned to the door, rattling it as he fucked you, whispering against your skin.

“You sound so fucking sexy, make more sounds for me, I’ll fuck you as much as you want, fuck you until you can’t think, can’t move, just to hear you say my name over and over…”

“Jungkook… f-fuck, you f-feel so fucking good, o-oh, Jungkook…!”

He pulled his lips away from your neck and smirked in your face.

“Yeah… noona?”

Respectfully.

“Fuck!”

Your back arced against the bathroom door as you came, pussy throbbing and spasming, the top of your head touching the wood, gasping Jungkook’s name in ecstasy, slamming your wrists against the door, Jungkook moaning as he came inside you, cock jerking inside the condom and swelling it with his orgasm, lips crashing down on yours and you whining pathetically into his mouth as he sucked on your tongue roughly.

A quiet, disapproving meow below you.

A master yikes.

You deliberately shoved the dark gray blob back into your underwear drawer.

Yoongi pursed his lips.

“Why is it in your underwear drawer, anyway?”

You slowly closed it, the wood snapping as the drawer touched the dresser.

Silence.

A crow cawed in the distance.

“You know what, let me make a trip to the convenience store…” was your hollow reply as you mechanically walked out of your bedroom, followed by a mint duvet.

“Do you know what size I would be?” came the husky, amused chuckle behind you as you pawed around your apartment for your wallet, two masks, hand sanitizer.

“I’ll just… buy a variety…”

“Or you could measure.”

You heard a rustle and you whipped your head around, only to see Yoongi’s cocked eyebrow and a slight bit of his exposed shoulders, collarbones on display, silver bell jingling. He yanked it back up, frowning at you.

“Are you a pervert?”

“N… no!”

You jerked away and hastily hooked the masks on your ears, fumbling with your sneakers before declaring, “I will be right back!” And then you threw yourself out the door.

Yoongi sighed, finally releasing his hold on the duvet.

“Ugh, so stuffy…”

His long black tail whipped about.

The door suddenly jerked back open and you plucked your keys from the side dish.

Only to see Yoongi fully naked, sleek black tail whisking around, blinking at you.

He was naked.

Really naked.

Very, one hundred percent, naked.

The mint duvet was pooled around his legs on the ground and Min Yoongi, who was formerly your cat Shooky, was a fair-skinned, long-limbed, lean-bodied, very attractive tall man, with velvety black cat ears and tail and – urk! – completely intact human male genitalia. Your neck, ears, cheeks, chest, ancestors from generations long ago, all turned red in embarrassment. Once again, you soul completely left your body in pure mortification.

“D… Don’t leave!” you blurted, snapping the door closed.

Yoongi just stood there, sighing as he heard the door lock and a body bolt down the apartment building stairs.

“You didn’t even change out of your pajamas…” he muttered, picking up the duvet.

-

"I can't wear these."

It was a few hours later. Thankfully, when you arrived home with your purchases, your cat... man was asleep, wrapped like a mint cake roll in your duvet. You tried not to think about his naked body on your bed, therefore ending up thinking about his naked body on your bed. 

"You need to wear pants! For..."

Dark eyebrows raised. 

"Decency!"

After getting home, you had spent the next thirty minutes hand-washing a black t-shirt, black boxer briefs, and loose black pants that were definitely too short but it was the only size available that could fit that waist, so you had to make do. You put the other shirts and underwear in the washing machine, but you needed to wash at least one outfit and hang it to dry. You tried to use the hottest water your hands could handle to sterilize the clothing, wincing at the blistering heat. 

You didn't know if Yoongi could get coronavirus but you weren't going to risk it. 

Eventually you placed everything on the drying rack and positioned your space heater on them to dry them off. 

Then you passed out on the couch. You deserved it, after working so hard.

Only to be woken up by Yoongi poking your shoulder roughly and telling you he couldn't wear the underwear and pants. 

He was still holding the duvet around his body and your neck was still regretting every second of sleeping on the couch. Ow. Too much physical labor. Quarantine had turned you into a formless potato. You sat up halfway, wincing. Ugh, pain. You jabbed your finger at Yoongi, who gave you a displeased narrowing of his eyes. 

"Put the pants on, you animal!"

Yoongi swept around the sofa, mint duvet and all, determined glint in his dark orbs, lips pursed in annoyance. You started, cracking your neck by accident, yelping in pain as you fell back against the couch.

Yoongi planted himself on top of you nimbly.

You froze.

Partly because you were shocked, but mostly because your neck seized a bit.

His legs were on either side of you, body still wrapped up, perfectly balanced despite the sudden leap, surveying you with a disapproving and discerning eye. The silver bell on his neck jingled with his movement. You could feel his calves against your knees.

His bare calves.

"Are you dumb?"

"What?" you croaked in response.

Yoongi rolled his eyes. "You always forget things."

You blinked at him, confused, neck heating. "What are you talking about?" you snapped impatiently.

"This."

Thump.

You felt something long and furry hit your leg. Your body almost jerked up in surprise, but Yoongi hissed at you, making you lurch back, somewhat stunned at how cat-like it sounded. It was definitely a warning. You were still in your pajamas, slightly thinner material than your usual clothes. It had been cold outside, but your everlasting embarrassment had kept you toasty warm.

Like it was now, because you realized your clothed outer thigh was touching his inner thigh.

His naked inner thigh.

You let out a noise between shock and confusion.

"Urk?"

The long, furry thing brushed against your legs as Yoongi watched you reach your slow realization.

"O-oh... Right. You have a tail..."

He grunted, thinning his eyes into slits. "Yes, because I am a cat."

Highly debatable at the moment, but you were too busy remembering your cat also had a human dick and nuts. Well, not also. Only had? Well. Maybe if you had a seco–

No. No, never mind that. Yeah.

Never.

Mind.

You gulped, trying to suppress the rising heat in your ears and failing. "I can sew?"

Yoongi tilted his head, nose wrinkling a bit. Then he got off you, circling around the couch. You sat up, neck still hurting, but the warmth of your embarrassment somehow helping. Yes, great, trading temporary physical pain for lifetime mental embarrassment, only for such moments to be remembered at the most inopportune times to throw you off guard.

Awesome.

You visibly cringed before standing up, seeing Yoongi's hand snake out and nab the boxer briefs, making them disappear into the duvet. You saw the fabric rustle and then the briefs reappeared, chucked at your face.

Your head snapped back at the force, arms flailing.

"Mmphf!"

"Should be about four or five centimeters. Make it quick. It's hot under here."

You yanked the underwear off your face, scowling. "I'm not your maid!"

Yoongi raised an eyebrow, black ears flicking. He was smirking at you. You narrowed your eyes. What was this guy so high and mighty for? If anything, he should be grateful that you even car–

"You're been cleaning up my literal shit for a few years now, so you are practically are my maid."

... Wait a second, he's right.

You growled and hauled yourself up.

-

An hour later, your cat was dressed.

Cat?

Man?

Whatever.

Min Yoongi was finally wearing clothes and not your duvet and your fingers stung like a bitch.

You ended up snipping a hole and using bias tape to seal off the raw edges. You didn’t own a sewing machine, so this was the next best thing you could think of without destroying your fingers by trying to imitate zig-zag stiches, although you ended up destroying your fingers anyway because you had to sew small, delicate stitches to attach the bias tape. The area was too high traffic to not reinforce.

Sigh.

“Please tell me you know how to use the bathroom by yourself from now on.”

Yoongi had raised an eyebrow.

“Of course. I’ve watched you enough times to know how to expel human excrement.”

Right. Because he was your cat. Don’t think about it too much. You were trying to take everything one thing at a time so you didn’t overwhelm yourself. Those were future-you problems. Why does he talk like that anyway? You didn’t even know how he knew Korean. Was it because you watched too much television? Yikes.

You rubbed your forehead, dismissing the discussion. “Good talk.”

You realized you would have to cut openings for his tail for all the underwear on the drying rack but, again, that was a future-you problem. Instead, you let him change in your bedroom and went to retrieve the laptop on your coffee table. Plugged it in and turned it on.

All your settings were wack.

“The fuck?” you muttered, resetting your display, volume, brightness, sigh, nearly everything. This only happened when a certain someone stepped on the keys when you weren’t looking. You raised your voice, still looking at the screen. “Did you fuck with my computer last night?”

“No. Oh, well, I did sleep on it,” Yoongi was saying as he stepped out of your bedroom. You growled in your chest, annoyed, but setting everything back into its place before opening your Google calendar. Nothing due immediately, thank god. “Er, maybe you shouldn’t…”

You looked up.

Oh.

Oh?

Oh!

Yoongi mussed his black hair, scratching at his velvety black ear. You noticed he didn’t have a set of human ears. Well, duh. That’d be weird. He was still wearing the black choker with the little silver bell on it. The t-shirt was nicely loose on his frame, the black standing out against his fair skin. The sweatpants were a little short on the ankle, the slim fit showing off his leanness. The sleek black tail swished back and forth.

He was… handsome.

Yoongi looked apprehensive, twisting his lips to one side. “Hmm.”

You blinked at him. “What?”

He shrugged. “Well, when I woke up as a human, I was cold, except for…” His hand ghosted towards his crotch. He pulled it away, waving it aside. “Mmm, never mind.”

You gave him a confused look and went back to your keyboard, typing away. Yoongi winced but you were too busy replying to an email to think too much about it.

-

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to inform you of the following.

Min Yoongi had woken up on the coffee table, fucking freezing because humans didn’t have fur, and because his nuts and dick were getting roasted by your overheating laptop keyboard.

Upon waking up, he had a mild mental breakdown as you continued snoring loudly and unceremoniously, before scurrying away to the warmest place he knew – your bed, where he claimed the duvet and tried to figure out what the fuck was going on.

Is this real life?

He had poked at various parts of his new body, trying to figure out if this was a dream or a horrific nightmare.

As we all know.

Life is a horrific nightmare, so indeed, this was real life.

-

You jumped as Yoongi slumped down on the sofa next to you, sticking his head and ears into your view, blocking the computer screen.

“I’m hungry.”

You gawked at him.

“What a-are you d-doing?” you sputtered.

“I’m hungry,” he repeated. He had a bit of a raspy, almost growly voice at times, reminding you of a cat’s meow. His meow, in fact.

You scooted away, neck heating. Yoongi followed, prodding you.

“Why are you like this?” you grumbled irritably, smacking his hand. Yoongi persisted, as if you did nothing at all.

“This is how I get your attention, because you humans will ignore me if I don’t.”

“You’re a human too!”

“No, I am a cat.”

“Hello?” You grabbed his hand and jabbed at his palm, pointing to his thumb. “Cats don’t have thumbs!”

Yoongi yanked his hand out, shockingly similar to how Shooky used to pull his paw out when you were massaging his little white socks and he was over it. You noticed his cuticles looked a bit dry and torn up. Lately, Shooky’s paws had been a little chewed up too. You frowned at it, tilting your head.

Yoongi stood up and his tail whacked you in the face.

“Ow!”

“Feed me.”

You scowled, rubbing your cheek. Yoongi stared down at you, face expressionless.

Okay, your cat might be a man now, but he was still a borderline asshole, so not much had changed.

“Fine.”

-

You both stared at the bowl of dry cat food.

Yoongi raised an eyebrow.

“What am I supposed to do with all this cat food then? I just brought it last week!”

“That’s your problem.”

You threw up your hands and cooked you both some lunch.

-

This was too much.

You know what you did when it was too much?

You took a nap.

You had dishes to clean, underwear to make tail-holes for, a cat that was now a man, an existential crisis to address, but you know what? You took a fucking nap instead. You left Yoongi with your computer and Netflix and told him to do whatever as long as none of it involved him leaving the house.

Yoongi had snorted. “What do I need to go out there for?”

“Awesome. I’m taking a nap.”

And you passed out.

Only to wake up groggily because your lungs were being crushed.

Actually no, it kind of felt like your whole torso was being crushed.

“Urk…!”

You fought with your sleepiness, somehow worse off than you had been before the nap, scrunching up your face ad blinking blearily. Head on memory foam pillow, check. Back on soft mattress, check. Black hair with sleek cat ears and pale face pressed on your chest? Check.

What, wait?

“Gah!”

You lurched and the head grunted, shoulders solidly pinning you down. He was under the mint-colored duvet. Yoongi, your cat that was now a man, was under the duvet.

UNDER THE DUVET.

“Stop yelling. Is that all you humans do? Yell?”

“Why are you – what are you doing here?” you hissed shrilly, trying to wiggle out from under him, but it was impossible. Yoongi was far too big now for you to throw him off.

“Sleeping, obviously,” he grumbled. “Or I was, until you started shouting.”

“Yes, but this is my bed,” you emphasized, realizing you could move your hands so you grabbed him by the waist, fingers grasping the black jersey fabric. You pressed inwards, hands molding to his sides.

Yoongi raised his head, squinting down at you.

You froze.

An oddly familiar gaze of accusation and uncaring. His eyes were dark brown, not the recognizable mint, but the effect was the same. Pink lips upturned, slightly annoyed.

And.

You suddenly remembered he was a man.

A man who was pressed down against you, long legs around your legs, broad chest to your chest, and shockingly attractive for someone who used to be a cat.

“I sleep in your bed all the time. What’s the difference?” Yoongi muttered.

What’s the difference?

The difference???

You’re a man!

A HOT MAN!!!

You struggled to find words, completely entranced by how close Yoongi’s face was to yours, watching his ears adjust slightly to pick up all the small sounds around him. You opened your mouth and it only made a tiny squeak. The pressure on your chest was becoming unbearable. You were so shocked that you completely forgot that you were still dying. You cleared your throat as Yoongi looked increasingly displeased.

“You… You used to be over the duvet…”

Yoongi yawned, nodding a little. “Yes, but it’s colder now. No more fur. I don’t know how you humans survive. Must be why you buy these warm things.”

Your hands were still on his waist. You pulled them away quickly and Yoongi frowned.

“Y-Yeah, but… you weigh a lot more now…” you croaked. “Can’t… breathe…”

Yoongi sighed heavily, as if this was a great disappointment. He slid off you.

“Hmm, I suppose that’s true.”

He nestled close to you and you still stunned, pin-straight body.

“Guess it’ll have to be like this instead from now on.”

Like this?

From now on?

Oh. Oh no.

Yoongi’s velvety, pointed ear flicked against your cheek, a low hum resounding in his chest.

-

part ii

--

masterpost

[gaiuswrites]

King of Cups || Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Tower

Archive: ao3 | masterlist | two

Pairing: Din Djarin x fem!Reader

Summary: You’re apart of the Refugee Relief Movement, an intergalactic organization providing aid throughout the systems, and you find yourself assisting at a resettlement camp in Lothal when disaster strikes, changing your life forever, intertwining your path with that of a certain Mandalorian bounty hunter.

Word count: 3.7k~

Rated: Mature

Warnings: descriptive violence, blood/injury mentioning, danger, mature language

Notes: Hi y'all, welcome. This fic is going to be set during Season 2 of The Mandalorian, and will be what I like to call ‘canon adjacent’. ALSo, this chapter is very much so Reader focused, setting up the scene and the general pacing of the story, but naturally, Din will be more and more featured as things progress. I’m a sucker for backstory and a slow burn, so ye be warned. Please feel free to reach out to me. :) I’d love to hear from you lovely little beans. Be safe out there, friends.

Lothal was a planet all too familiar with occupation.

You remember seeing a quote somewhere that read ‘Look no further than Lothal if you want to see what happens when the Empire takes control of an entire world’; and although the Imperial chokehold had loosened when the Empire fell, the planet, even all these years later, still found itself gasping for breath. 

Off world migration from the Core Worlds had been popularized since the expansion of the Imperial government bureaucracy, which brought booming business opportunities for the fortunate few, but as the rich became richer, the poor grew poorer. The Lothalites were forced out of their homes, off their own lands—refugees on their own planet; forced to resettle and relocate with nothing but the clothes on their back and the possessions they could cram into their pockets. The only heirlooms passed on from generation to generation were that of poverty, tall tales of former splendor, and the greatest of ancestral traumas: disillusionment.

The truly desperate turned to crime, and what couldn’t be solved by back-dealings and blaster fire was managed with fear mongering and the bitter flair of xenophobia. There was always a species to blame, and it was always the one who seemed to be doing better off, no matter how slight the margin. 

Greed. Fear. Despair. These are the currencies in which the galaxy trades. 

And so it was then, and continued to be, cycle after cycle. History, always finding clever ways to repeat itself.

On bad days, pollution still loomed heavy over the atmosphere—remnants of the fires from the Imperial occupation still clinging on to Lothal’s weary bones. She had been stripped during that time; gutted and strung up by her feet to dangle from the Empire’s meat hook, exsanguinated slowly, drop by drop, until she had nothing left to give. Her resources and minerals and ore and water and seed, robbed. Pillaged.

She’s free from it now, but the scars remain— the planet remembers. Her people do not forget. Like muscle memory, they all ungulate to this synthesized rhythm they can’t seem to shake, day in and day out, wandering. Forever unsettled.

The planet had always had a diverse population and had become something of a safe haven for other abandoned people fleeing their home worlds, determined to find somewhere - anywhere - for them to survive. Lothal provided that for them. It wasn’t rich or bountiful by any stretch, but it was simple and safe—safe in the way hidden things in plain sight are. One could blend into the crowd of many, unique faces, of all races and backgrounds; you could be anonymous, if you wanted. You could be free.

That’s how you’ve found yourself here in Jortho. You had been with the Refugee Relief Movement for the better part of what felt like forever, and they had transferred you to this planet not six weeks ago. You were out on rotation; the RRM sends someone new twice a cycle for the span of a month or two to varying locations to supply rations, aid with the influx of refugees, organize resettlement lodgings, and generally be of assistance when and where you could. However, your tenure on this temperate planet was coming to a close, and soon you’d be flying back to the headquarters on Coruscant before being bounced to another post somewhere out among the stars. 

You love your job. You know it’s unpopular to say, but you do. It’s fulfilling and impactful and indescribably special. The individuals you meet, the stories you hear, they’re invaluable— priceless and precious, like handmade trinkets crafted by the fingers of a child; you press them all to your heart, holding them there. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t get to you— the weight of it; the plights of all of these people, all of these lives, burdening your conscience. It isn’t always painless— you aren’t immune to it. Even so, on most nights you manage to sleep easy, tucked away aboard the transport freighter you flew in on with the batch of settlers newly assimilated into town knowing Maker, at least you were doing something— anything— everything you could.

And really, to call Jortho a town would be an insult to all towns everywhere—but ‘town’ has a certain charm to it that ‘refugee camp’ simply did not, and it gave the people hope. Pride, even. That they belonged somewhere.

You suppose that’s all anyone wants. To belong. 

A feather soft gust of wind tickles the golden blades of prairie grass as the sun, bleary and tired, starts dipping from the sky. The crickbeets begin their song early, trilling, sensing Lothal’s moons still coyly tucked away, hiding somewhere along the horizon. A smile adorns your face, private and serene, as you bring a bowl of broth up to your lips, humming when the warm liquid meets your tongue. You sigh, contented, taking in the sights before you; how the dusk blurs the aromatic air, making it opaque, the shuttles docked across the way from you casting long purple shadows onto the flat plains, the snowcapped mountains in the distance bordering the cant of the planet’s surface, nestling Jortho in a shallow valley.

You feel calm, at peace, and take another sip.

An easy moment passes, and it’s the last one you get before silence stalks up from behind you.

You don’t notice it at first, like any patient predator, it goes undetected: the white noise, the nothingness— until finally, you do and then suddenly it’s everywhere. On top of you. Smothering you. Goosebumps stipple your skin and you bristle. The insects have stopped chirping. The breeze has stilled. The air hangs dead. 

And then—

Chaos.

You’re hit with a blast of crushing heat, the sheer power of it picking you up off your feet and onto your side, sending your body careening into a nearby structure. Your shoulder takes most of the blow, but your neck still snaps backwards unnaturally, the back of your head colliding with the stone wall behind you with a dull thwack. You let out a groaned cry at the impact, the wind knocked out of your lungs as you crumple to the ground.

For an instant, your vision goes white, stars popping and fusing out in front of your pupils, and it’s like you can feel everything and nothing all at once, hollow but overwhelmed, and all you want to do is close your eyes and drift asleep— Maker that would feel like a luxury, just right here on the damn dirt. And you almost do, you almost let yourself slip under and sink— until you hear a piercing scream from somewhere close. 

Immediately your eyes shoot open, desperately blinking away the blurriness that threatens to over take them, and you try pushing yourself up by the heels of your scraped hands, failing once - twice - before finding your footing. You’re shaky at first, uncoordinated and dizzy and redownloading bipedalism, before that sweet drug of adrenaline starts to course through your veins and finally, finally, you take in your surroundings. 

The ships that once stood across the field are gone, obliterated, and in their place only metal ribcages remain—empty carcasses like dead birds splayed on their backsides, imploded from the inside out, their bits strewn all around you. 

Your breathing comes hard and heavy, fighting down panic, and cloudy eyes search through the thick black smoke billowing up in stacks, trying to pin point the source of the scream you’d heard just moments ago. You cough a strained wheeze, sputtering against the charred air, and wade your way through the debris— it’s only then that you realize the magnitude of the explosion. It’s not just the landing bay, it’s half the kriffing village. The buildings that neighbored the airfield had been decimated, burning roofs and crumbling fixtures, homes collapsing onto themselves, scorch marks and shrapnel branding the outsides of the shanties left standing.

It looks like a battlefield. You’ve seen holovids of this—what war can look like, how it can ruin a people… But you’ve never had to stand in the middle of it, head on. 

Your heart drums against your chest as you break into a hobbled run, desperately scanning the area for any signs of life, up and down, left and right, straining against the waning daylight. It’s then that you hear your name, urgent and frantic, and you whip your head in it’s direction, knees nearly buckling in relief. You immediately recognize your friend Hareem, brandishing her arms at you, waving you over to her. 

“Thank the Maker, you’re alright!” the Balosar cries out, trembling hands finding purchase on your shoulders, bracing you. You don’t know if its for your benefit or her own, but either way you’re grateful for the grounding pressure; for the first time since the initial blast, you feel solid, like you won’t just float away, atomized and weightless. Worried, you look her over. A sliver of fresh scarlet blooms from her scalp, a small line trickling down past her temple, but she otherwise looks relatively unharmed. You grasp onto her wrist, squeezing firmly.

“What the hell happened?” You ask, voice low and pitched, wide fearful eyes drilling into her.

“T-There was a man-” And she shakes her head, mouth clamping shut, deep wrinkles framing her face.

“Hareem,” you reassure, giving her another squeeze. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.

She tries again with a steadying inhale, “I-I saw him. A-a man. He had a device with him, and he set charges, and Maker I don’t know— I don’t know— it went off a-and he ran towards the center of town!” The Balosar is in hysterics, tears spilling down her dirty cheeks, and it takes your brain a moment to catch up, to wrap your mind around the words she’s stuttering out. 

A man. 

Device. 

Charges.

A bomb. This wasn’t an accident; this was an attack—and he’s still kriffing here. You cup her cheeks, thumbs rubbing against the pale skin, smearing away the blood that’s nearly dripped to her chin. Your friend’s gaze is flighty, everywhere and nowhere, and you try giving her a smile, but you’re not quite sure you manage it.

“Hareem? Hareem. Hey, shh, you’re okay. You’re alright…” You peel your eyes off her to glance around hurriedly. “We need to find cover.”

///

You’re holed up in one of the few remaining homes on this side of the encampment, crowded into the small space with three other survivors. All four of you, packed in and silent and petrified. Unsure of any further threat, you stay completely still. Helpless. Laying here, idle, for whatever awaits you behind that feeble, wooden door. You feel like prey for the wicked, just passing the time.

Minutes inch along like this—or maybe its hours; time moves eerily different when you’re attempting to become invisible—and eventually, you almost begin to relax.

Almost.

But a new sound breaks the din, hard to recognize at first, indistinct from all the commotion outside their hut, but you hear it. You all do. The youngest of you, a teenaged Devaronian, grips onto the hem of your shirt, knuckles creasing with anticipation. You tense, spine going rigid. Footsteps. They’re slow, guarded, but they’re getting closer. You bring an arm up, for all the good it’ll do, creating a human shield in front of the boy at your side. Closer. Someone behind you muffles a whimper. Closer. A Bardottan you hadn’t even met until today let’s out the faint whisper of a prayer, lips barely ghosting over the phrases. Closer- 

and then, nothing.

They’re here. You can sense him, see his shadow sweep across the gaps in the entryway. You all hold your breath, as if the air is being syphoned out of the space… And the door is flung open, nearly breaking off it’s hinges as it slams into the inside of the house, shuttering the rickety walls with a jarring bang. 

You don’t know who looks more astonished: you four, or the Mandalorian before you, dripping head to toe in silver plated armor, pointing a blaster directly at your head.

“Where is he?” He asks, hard edged and modulated, and it’s more of a demand than a question—but he lowers his weapon all the same, holstering it at his side. You gape at him, guppying wordlessly. “Volcur X’elo. The bomber. Where?” He hasn’t moved an inch out of the doorframe but he’s still managing to loom over you, completely filling up the archway, shoulders set and impossibly intimidating.

You gulp, finally finding your voice. “In town, i-in the center of town…” Kriff, you had not idea if that intel was good or not, but it’s all you think to say. Seeming satisfied with your answer he turns on his booted heel, cape whipping behind him, leaving just as soon as he arrived. The dust barely has time to settle as the door teeter’s on its hinge, its rusty squeaks filling the void in the Mandalorian’s wake.

“Fuck,” you hiss, exhaling a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, doubling forward, propping your palms up on your knees.

///

After deliberating it with your group, you all come to the agreement of braving it outside. Better to be out under the open sky than die under a concaving apartment, clambering over each other to get to the exit. After all this, at least your dignity was still partially in tact— normally, you reckon you’d chuckle dryly at that. But you don’t. 

Can’t. 

You lead the pack through the mazelike streets. The sights that once seemed so familiar after weeks of living here become like strangers to you, and you sleepwalk through Jortho, snaking down paths marred by rubble and fallen wreckage— you haven’t seen any bodies, but maybe that isn’t true. Maybe you’re just too scared to notice them. Maybe they’re there, hovering just outside of your peripherals, haunting the corners of your vision… 

You keep your head fixed forward, jaw clenched.

Your feet move on their own like this, only vaguely aware that the red-skinned boy still hadn’t let go of your tunic. You forge on. Have to. You have to. Your only purpose on this kriffing planet was to help these people, to bring them aid, and if that means simply planting one foot in front of the other, then so be it. You take side alleys, double backing here and there, ducking under canopies, looping around yourself, only stopping when you catch a glimpse of beskar, the orange setting sun glinting off the surface of his helmet.

And he’s not alone.

You freeze suddenly, as do the rest, and the Devaronian bumps into you, stumbling under his lanky legs. Some paces in front of you, the bounty hunter has the other man, this Volcur X’elo, by a punishing grip on his shoulders, shoving him forcefully out in front of him; his wrists are bound and he’s fitful without the stabilization of his arms, his feet staccatoed and flailing wildly beneath him as the Mandalorian marches him forward. 

The wind shifts, and on it you can hear the bomber rant madly, only catching snippets of the vile nonsense that spews from him.“- like swine, they are a plague to the system! And they must be purged from this planet, and the next, and the next— every last filthy one!” You spare a glance to Hareem, to find her watching the scene in hypnotized horror, but your eyes snap back at the sound of something maniacal, drawing your attention. It’s laughter. The zealot begins to laugh a twisted, mocking cry that makes you want to vomit. “You might have me in binders Mandalorian, but you’re too late. You’re too late. This isn’t over!” He’s practically giggling, gleeful and demented. Disturbed. “You’ve only found one.”

Your blood runs cold. 

Only one? Oneoneoneone, one what-

The realization hits you with a punch to your gut. He’s only detonated one of his bombs. Somewhere, nearby, there must be another.

Without another word, the Mandalorian whips the smaller man around, pulling him sharply by his collar to collide with his breastplate, completely dwarfing him with his beskar frame. “Where is it, X’elo?” Nothing. Only laughter. High pitched, terrible roars. He tries again, patience ebbing. “The bomb. Now.” X’elo’s head tilts back and he howls another crowing shriek, keeping private his own sick joke, as if clutching a secret to his chest with slimy hands. 

The bounty hunter had heard enough. He clearly wasn’t getting anything more out of him, and with a quick strike, he rears his blaster and pistol whips the terrorist with it. The body drops. Volcur X’elo crumples, unconscious, blood streaming from where he was struck. You hear the Bardottan behind you stifle a cry with her fist. 

And with that, Lothal’s sun disappears completely, stealing away the last of it’s light as it furls into itself, shrinking out of sight. The dark ushers a new wave of dread, creeping over Jortho like a miasma, poisoning the very air.

The Mandalorian wheels around, searching for his heading in the labyrinth of the town. Others have gathered now, poking their heads around corners, stealing glimpses through windows. He turns, his head on a swivel. “Where is your power generator?” he demands, addressing the small crowd, but you’re all too stunned to speak. “Anybody. Generator. Now.” There’s something new in his voice, something muddled, and it takes you a moment to interpret it. It’s desperation, you realize, tinny and deep through his vocoder, and with a surge of adrenaline you move forward, furthering yourself from your group. You swallow. “I-Its this way.” Upon hearing your voice, he spins around, his visor latching on to you, and with a nod you both set out. 

“Watch him,” the Mandalorian growls past his shoulder, stepping over the bounty’s limp body.

///

You’re still not really sure how he knew where it’d be, you wonder to yourself, gravel crunching under foot as you both trudge on, an eery quiet settling over them. You’d say it was a lucky hunch, but judging by the way the Mandalorian carries himself, you doubt luck had much to do with it. 

You had led him to the power generator hub on the other side of the sad excuse for a city, traveling in tense silence, and when you came upon that tall, bulky machine he sprang into action, circling it until he found what he was looking for. The bomb. You stood back, rooted there, and after some grunting and rewiring— or maybe he just hacked at it with a vibroblade, you had no idea; his wide frame engulfed his work and you couldn’t tell what he was up to, all you knew was that his methods proved successful— the man managed to disarm the second device. You had thought you noticed his shoulders release, slumping with relief, after the red flashing lights on the rudimentary interface flickered and then went dark.

And so here you are. The two of you, bathed in the bright light of Lothal’s twin moons, their bellies hanging full in the blue-black night, illuminating the trail of blood staining the dirt beneath your boots as the Mandalorian roughly drags the body by his ankle behind him— through the exploded rubble, through the fragmented lives of the people around you, already displaced and estranged. They’ll all have to move, you think, pack up their lives, or what little is left of them, and relocate. Again. The thought sinks in you like a stone, sobering you. 

Even with the weight of a fully grown man to lug, the bounty hunter is still a few long strides in front of you and your eyes are trained on the unconscious form, taking in the way his mouth lolls open like an animal, his hair matted with thick blood, eyes rolled back into his head. You’re talking out loud before you even realize it.

“How sick do you have to be,” you mumble, transfixed. Your voice, it’s not angry; no, shock has effectively robbed you of that— it’s not anger, but bewilderment. Quivering, broken bewilderment.

“H-How hoodwinked and warped you’d have to be, how disturbed... For you to think like that. To do all... all this...” 

“Hey,” his gruff voice shakes you from your trance, and you blink up at him, tearing your eyes off the body. “Focus,” he urges, and you can only nod dumbly back at him, suddenly feeling a ripple of nausea slither through you.

The ramp to his ship is lowering as they come upon it and you plant yourself at the base, feet seeming to stop on their own accord, and frankly you’re not really sure why you’ve even followed him this far in the first place— always a step behind him as he hauled his bounty all the way through the vestiges of Jortho, across the arid prairie to where he first touched down. Maybe it’s because you feel untethered, unmoored, and all of his steeled surety is like a lighthouse, a beacon, guiding you away from the rocks. 

He heaves X’elo up the ramp and you’re left standing there, staring unseeingly into the durasteel, becoming more and more aware of the ringing in your ears. The longer time passes, the more it’s as if you’re underwater, the background blurring into the foreground, sound gargled and far away. A high pitched buzz pinches your ear drums, and it takes you a moment to realize the Mandalorian is calling out to you, trying to get your attention.

“— Dala.”

Does he sound annoyed? Kriff, you think he might... If you had your wits about you, you might be able to recognize it. But as it stands, you don’t. You’re not here, not all of you. You’re splintered. Suspended.

“Hmm? Sorry, what..?” Your mouth is as dry as Jakku— parched desert tongue darting across your cracked lip, tasting soot and ash and something metallic. Brow furrowed, you touch a shaky finger to the flesh and when you pull it back, crimson red dots your skin. 

Oh, you think, numb. Huh. 

Your eyes skitter back up to the Mandalorian, towering over you, nearly at the apex of the incline, and his stance is broad and his fists are clenched. You’re almost positive he’s glaring down at you through his visor, and you don’t even know the man, can’t even see his damn face, but you can tell he’s peeved— Maker, just how long had you been ignoring him?

A scratched noise comes through his helmet’s vocoder and his next words are clipped, punctuated. “I said, do you have a way off this skug hole?”

[ratsoh-writes]

What happens if the boys accidentally hurt their SO. I am the embodiment of angst.

Ok so none of them are abusive, or dumb enough to just accidentally seriously injure someone.

They could possibly pop SO upside the head or something in a fit of clumsiness though. I’ve given my cousin a black eye once bc I didn’t see him behind me. He’ll never let me live it down

Sans: he went to point to something and accidentally poked you in the eye. his eye lights have disappeared and he’s sweating. He’ll nervously ask if you’re alright, and if you say yes, then he’ll calm down pretty quickly. It was just an accident after all

Papyrus: “AaAAAaaaahhhhHH!!!!!” Hes freaking out. He had thought you were undyne when you snuck up on him and so he flipped around to give ‘her’ a noogie. Well he aimed too high, and now he’s knocked you to the ground. You’re fine but he’s still stressed out. Make sure you comfort him

Star: he stepped on the back of your shoe and accidentally tripped you, causing you to scrape up your knees. His eye lights go tiny, and he quickly gets you some disinfectant. After you’re all bandaged up, he’ll dramatically state that you need to break up with him. He’s joking of course, but he does feel bad

Honey: you guys watching an intense movie scene, and you’re feeding him carrot sticks. You pass him a shorter one, and because he’s not looking, he accidentally bites your finger instead. He yelps in shock the second it happens then starts apologizing profusely. He’s so embarrassed. He’ll put a bandaid on it and everything, even if you don’t need it

Red: he had a bad day at work (damn Karens) and so he came home already irritated. He slams the door open-Whoops!- looks like you were right behind it. He’s devastated, and you can see it all over his face. Also there’s blood all over your face. He checks to see if your nose is broken, then he’ll get you an ice pack. He gets over it, but still feels a bit guilty every time he sees the bruise

Edge: he’s ranting about something, so of course his arms are flying everywhere. He’s not paying attention to you next to him, and accidentally b*tch slaps you in the face. It wasn’t that hard but he’s freaking out. He apologizes later by cooking you your favorite treat. (This will happen at least once every few months if you’re dating edge, lol)

Mal: so mal and cash roughhouse a lot. They both never grew out of it, so you should never sneak up on mal. Well guess what you just did? (You snuck up on mal in case you weren’t sure). He throws you over his shoulder and slams you onto the couch, knocking the breath out of you. You can hear him sputter in shock as you wheeze. His face turns a deep purple as he apologizes and checks you over for any injuries. Then he sternly lectures you on why you shouldn’t sneak around

Cash: he was going to kiss you on the cheek, but you turned your head, and he miscalculated causing him to pop you in the nose instead. He flushes purple in surprise and then pales in shock when he sees the blood. He’ll mumble apologies, but he can’t really look you in the eye. Blood makes him squeamish.

Oak: he’s holding something over his shoulder (like a bag or chair)(something long). You call to him, and he turns around to answer and accidentally knocks you down with whatever he’s carrying. His eye light goes as small as it can and he turns pale. He just stands there until you snap him out of it. He’ll run off to panic alone for a bit. Don’t go after him, he doesn’t like company when he has panic attacks

Willow: for a brief moment he forgets that humans are more sensitive to temperature, and he hands you something really hot. Obviously it burns you, and he’ll shriek the same time you do. He immediately grabs your hand and puts it under cold water. He knows it was an accident but he still blames himself. Make sure you tell him he’s forgiven, the poor bean

[theramseyloft]

4/17/21 Loft Notes

Angel is definitely ill. The quarantine room stank this morning and he has a cough.

So a throat swab will probably also be necessary.

I'm frankly baffled.

Angel doesn't Pigeon very well.

He hasn't made any physical contact with other birds that wasn't biting babies or trying to snatch hatchlings out of my hands.

He doesn't alopreen with anyone.

He hasn't smoochfed anyone.

Everyone else looks beyond perfect.

Patron: "Could he maybe have picked up worms or something similar from someone else’s poop who’s sub-clinical?"

We'll find out in the fecal and throat swab tonight.

Amiga got on my knee!

And Lucy immediately threw her off.

Pippin tread Cookie.

Farthing tread Liang.

There isn't so much as a slightly wet poo out here

Every one is their usual level of active.

Alex tried to tread Dodger, but Vito attacked her for it and drove them apart.

Dio and Patch are arguing over who is allowed to be on my knee.

Rogue demanded her turn by hopping up between them.

Well!

My cuddle time was interrupted by Liang attacking Cookie's nestlings.

Waited for their patents to be busy elsewhere, got in the nest like she owned it, and tried to scalp Pippin's.

Tried, because I said "Everybody off!" Got up, and grabbed her.

Patron: "Wow! I have not dealt with violence against nestlings yet. I know it is normal pigeon social behavior, but do you think it is more a function of individual personality or maybe of flock size?"

Mostly individual personality.

Put her straight into quarantine.

Thistle tread MJ.

That (attacking nestlings) is a behavior I will not tolerate.

Luxie may have gone broody.

Leela has had ENOUGH of her Unkle Farthing flirting with her!

She came for his effin' face!

Patron: "I'm thinking it may might be a bacteria thing. As to why angel is ill. I can't imagine there are worms being passed around"

Worms are impossible to avoid tracking in. That's why I have a worming regimen for every other month.

I used to do it every three months, but one of my girls died with a gut load of them, so I went with every other month instead.

Capillaria and Strongyloides eggs incubate in soil, and are present everywhere wild birds can poop.

Patron: "worm eggs live in the dirt from wild bird poop and can live weeks or months in it before they hatch by being ingested"

Patron: "My indoor loft gets them and needs to be dewormed regularly too."

Vito is pushing his luck a bit trying to move his wife in nextdoor to his ex on her new peeps.

Farthing tried to shoulder Dio off my knee, and she slapped the taste out of his mouth.

Nobu has learned to beg for pets.

Just had to run Vito off.

Blue is big and tough enough to put up a good fight, but I don't want Vito to think he can just jump in there uncontested.

The way Angel is coughing sounds like he's trying to dislodge an obstruction.

Poor little Pippin baby is snopping at everything that moves now.

Awww. I finally caught a few seconds of Bird-Bird playing with her bell on Instagram.

Angels fecal sample was almost entirely urates and red blood cells, with occasional epithelial cells.

His breath was awful, and we found trich immediately.

Got some great close up footage of the parasite, which is now on our Youtube channel.

Unfortunately, the way he's coughing suggests it may already be in his lungs.

Today was Grocery Day

We spent $67.47 at TSC on 2 50lb bags of Royal Wing Classic Mix ($24.99 x 2), 50lbs oyster shell ($12.49), and tax ($5.00)

and $14.89 at Cho Ba Mien Asian Market for 8 bags of mung beans ($1.79 x 8) and tax ($0.57)

Bringing our PayPal Balance to $134.90

[kylopen]

Dating an ‘edgy’ girl

(House neutral)

Warnings: I have a tendency to swear

Read the Marauders era version here

Includes: Draco, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Luna, Fred, George and Neville.

I can’t add a “read more” thing for some reason I’ve tried many times so idk sorry

Draco:

* You both meet when he bumps into you in hogsmeade.

* He fully hits you with that “who the fuck do you think you a—“

* Then he slowly looks up to find a girl, drenched in black clothes.

* “You what?”

* Suddenly, he’s lowkey a bit intimidated.

* He tries not to let that show.

* “You... you heard me”

* “And who even are you?”

* He was shocked and embarrassed that someone like you didn’t know who he was.

* (You definitely knew who he was)

* After that first meeting he was beyond intrigued.

* He began to try the most stupid things to get your attention.

* This would include throwing things in your direction.

* Until one day, he hits you with a small pocket book, to which you replied with a swift punch to the stomach.

* Okay but why did that turn him on

* He would take on a nicer approach after that, sending you notes in the shape of things he knew you loved, like your favourite bird or flower.

* You were sure he was just messing with you.

* “What do you even want Malfoy?”

* He plucks up enough courage to finally say it

* “You”

* He loves your confidence and how unafraid you are to be yourself.

* You hit him with the “I’ll think about it” which leaves him stunned.

* Of course you actually wanted him too, you just wouldn’t give him what he wanted so easily.

* That’s pretty much how your whole relationship went

* You would try your hardest not to give Draco what he wanted so easily because honestly his little whines and groans when he doesn’t get what he wants are so cute.

* Some people expected your relationship, others didn’t.

* Lucius straight out doesn’t like you. Narcissa on the other hand, often likes to take you shopping or to tea, she loves how happy you make her son.

* Not to mention your similar taste in style.

Harry:

* “I made a friend today” Luna would tell harry.

* “That’s very nice Luna” Harry chalked it up to an imaginary person

* But then you joined them. A very real girl.

* A very beautiful girl.

* He automatically expected you to be rude, based on how you were dressed but as soon as you started conversing with Luna...

* Heart eyes.

* You spoke so kindly and you were so sweet.

* You ask for his name, despite knowing it already because he was probably sick of hearing “you’re Harry Potter!”

* And he knew it.

* That just made his little heart melt.

* You would be whining about potions being difficult when he whips out the:

* “I’m pretty good at potions... I can tutor you if you like”

* Hermione would roll her eyes knowing that he was only good because of the “half blood prince’s” book.

* You spend quite a few evenings in the gryffindor common room studying.

* You finally pass a potions exam, giving Harry a sweet kiss on the cheek, leaving behind a dark lipstick print.

* He honestly loved the mark you left.

* It was something he adored more when you finally start dating.

* Black/Purple/red lipstick stains everywhere.

* People really didn’t expect the chosen one to choose someone so... dark and edgy...

* People would try to convince Harry that maybe you weren’t the one for him.

* He’d get super mad at those comments.

* Fred and George would make constant sex jokes about the two of you.

* “Been tied up lately Harry?”

* “Rough night?”

* He’d look at you pleadingly but you’d just lean back with a big old smirk on your face.

* It was quite amusing to watch him get flustered over the thought of any of that stuff happening

* Remus was the one to tell you that Lily would have absolutely loved you.

* That meant the world to you and Harry.

Ron:

* You meet Ron when he is running down the hallway and smacks straight into you.

* You go into full rage and the poor boy just stands there.

* His lip quivers in fear and your face softens.

* “Sorry I’m just having a shit day and you spilt my sweets” you pout, pointing to the sweets scattered around the concrete floor.

* “I- I’m really sorry...”

* He gets a proper look at you

* And boy does he love what he sees.

* Like, you look so fucking awesome to him.

* “Maybe... I mean... if you want... I have a stash... back at my dorm... if you maybe wanted to come eat”

* He would be delighted to find out there’s a childish side under all those black clothes.

* He asks you out suddenly when you meet him looking good as fuck.

* Not that you normally didn’t look good but you had obviously put more effort into your daily look and he couldn’t help himself.

* When you started dating people were beyond shocked.

* Molly was fairly apprehensive when she first saw you walking with her son

* But then she saw the two of you interact with each other and realised it was perfect.

Hermione:

* you meet in the library.

* Some Slytherins knocked over her pile of books on purpose and you come to her aid.

* She doesn’t look up, too embarrassed to face whoever was helping her.

* When she finally faces her saviour her heart: thump thump thump.

* She’s instantly captivated.

* You notice her flustered movements and red tinted cheeks.

* UwU

* “Would you like something done about them? I have a few pranks up my sleeve” you ask

* “T-They’re not worth it anyways it’s fine”

* She takes the moment to scan you fully, the healed boots, the choker.

* Wow

* She stands abruptly, muttering a thank you before scurrying off.

* Not without a flirtatious comment from you “if you’re really thankful Granger, maybe you can eat lunch with me some time” you’d wink and she’d walk away faster.

* Naturally, Hermione was too nervous to even attempt to get you to eat with her

* So you took matters into your own hands, strolling over casually, sitting yourself down next to her.

* “Hey Granger” you’d smile and rest your head on your hand, admiring her flustered face.

* The others would look at the two of you questionably, unsure as to what’s going on.

* She would love hate how you managed to make her so flustered so easily.

* Your personalities blended so well, you would make sure Hermione doesn’t overwork herself and she would make sure you don’t take too much time off.

* When you both finally start dating Hermione would constantly be staring at you.

* Like I mean to the point you distract her from working.

* “Like what you see Granger?”

* “Oh shut up”

* “Make me”

* Her parents absolutely adore you, being muggle born you fit in very easily with her and her family.

Luna:

* you noticed Neville ask Ginny to the Yule Ball at dinner.

* you focus your attention the cute blonde beside them.

* And then you hear some of the other third year girls making comments and joking about Luna being too weird to be asked to go to the ball.

* Third years were only allowed to go if asked by an upperclassman.

* So you slid into the seat next to her.

* The girls quiet down for a moment and you take your chance to ask her.

* “Wanna be my date to the ball?”

* The other girls make comments on your dark outfit choices.

* “I would love to accompany you... but you don’t have to ask me just because Ginny is going”

* You notice the girls snicker and mention something about you both looking odd and “made for each other”

* Luna would hold your hand to stop you doing anything.

* Because honestly, she loved how different you both were. It just meant you could both be yourselves around each other.

* She wore a beautiful dress. It spilled to the floor around her feet, a gorgeous blue and around her neck, a peacock collar, feathers and all.

* Her hair was swept up into a bun, loose curls falling down around her neck and face

* Time stopped for the both of you.

* Your black dress with the long lace sleeves.

* You both couldn’t look more different yet so made for each other as you walk arm in arm into the hall.

* Xenophilius would be beyond happy when Luna would describe you too him.

* Seeing his daughters face light up was more than enough.

Fred:

* You meet Fred when he loses control of his broom during quidditch practice.

* He flew directly into you, falling on your body.

* “Fuuuuuck” you groan in pain, eyes screwed shut.

* Fred doesn’t even get off you because he’s just awestruck.

* Like how can someone look so edgy yet so cute at the same time?

* He finally snaps out of it and helps you up.

* You vomit.

* He panics.

* And that’s how he ended up staying in the hospital wing with you until curfew.

* You talked about anything and everything.

* “So... the Yule ball is coming up—“ he would start.

* “I have a date”

* “O-Oh yeah sure no I mean—“

* “And he hit me with a broom the first time we met” you wiggle your eyebrows.

* He leans back, trying to be all confident and chill only for the chair to give way.

* “You’re such a dork”

* “Says you. Trying to look all intimidating but you’re a little jelly bean” he would say as he boops your nose.

* “My soul is black okay. I’m like a kidney bean not a jelly bean” you would huff and he would just swoon.

* You both began dating. No one really asked, it just kind of happened.

* The fact that you get along with George is so amazing to him, it was important you did.

* He would watch lovingly as you interact with his brother.

* “What’re you staring at?” You’d try to be intimidating all the time but Fred would just laugh and ruffle your hair.

George:

* the first time he ever meets you was during Umbridge’s reign of terror.

* Him and George are talking to a first year who was hurt by her.

* You come storming round the corner.

* For a second he thought you were going to hit him.

* And then you turn to the kid.

* “Are you okay Vince?! What did she do to you?!”

* The boys don’t know what to say.

* “Is this your brother?” They ask worriedly

* You explain that you were put in charge of the first years of your house

* Umbridge comes out with her “naughty children deserve to be punished.”

* Before George can even open his mouth you’re storming over to Umbridge, your black heeled boots making you tower over her.

* “I’ll show you a fucking punishment” and before you can do anything else George grabs you and pulls you away

* But Man, his heart was pounding.

* You were so caring yet so aggressive at the same time.

* And he loved it.

* “Close your mouth mate you’re catching flies” Fred would joke.

* You tell them you need to get the boy back to your common room and George basically screams that he’ll accompany you.

* Of course you let him.

* He tries to ask you out before you enter your dorms but he fails to build up the confidence.

* So you plant a small kiss on his cheek.

* Heart eyes as he walked back to his own dorms, hand on the cheek you kissed the whole time accompanied by a cheesy, content grin.

Neville:

* he meets you when you join Dumbledores Army.

* Shy boi

* He cannot speak when you start a conversation with him about his patronus.

* “That’s cute” you would comment.

* But when he does open his mouth:

* “Y-Youre cute. WAIT THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT”

* You laugh and because of your slightly intimidating appearance he automatically assumes you’re laughing at how stupid he is.

* But you’re actually laughing at how simply adorable he is

* You’re the one to start every conversation because he’s always too nervous to.

* That is, until Seamus slips some truth serum he stole from Snape into his juice at breakfast.

* “Sit back and watch the show”

* Hermione would automatically go nuts when she found out and try to get him out of the hall before you arrive.

* But she was too late.

* “Hi guys!”

* “Y/N, good morning youre looking beautiful as always”

* Your face heats the fuck up. You didn’t expect that to come out of Nevilles mouth.

* “So Neville, how do you feel about Y/N?” The boys would ask.

* And that’s when the truth comes loose.

* He’s still a shy boy in your relationship, but as you both become more comfortable, he begins to act on his own.

* Like, hugging you first, to holding your hand first and so on.

* Everyone is honestly so supportive of Cutie Neville and his edgy girlfriend even though it was unexpected.

* And Nevilles grandmother? She LOVES you. Which melts his heart.

[yamithediaperdork]

Moving day (Harry potter)

They say that any move can be stressful and the adjustment period of living with new roommates can be hard for the first few days, even if your new roomies happen to be your older twin brothers. And not making things any easier though they of course love and support you, is that your boyfriend is coming with you for the move, and as such you had to tell them about the special arrangement. Still stories over the phone apparently didn't fully paint a picture and now Ron and Draco are waiting for the twins to stop staring and let them in. The twins themselves were wearing matching white t-shirts and blue jeans. Ron was in a loose and long sleeved black shirt and black cargo pants, and Draco took the cake. what with the pure blood ex bully being in green cover all's (with crotch snaps!) and a black t-shirt it looked like under the cover-all's. and by how swollen and BIG Draco's crotch and rear looked, the boy was easily rocking 3 nappies. "Interesting..fashion choice." George said finally. "Inner child and all that." Fred said.

Getting Draco inside Ron got his big baby of a boyfriend sat down in the living room to get to know his unca's better while Ron went and unpacked, not a easy job to do since they were making use of a magic suitcase so there was at least a few hours worth of work needed for Ron to do. If your wondering why Draco wasn't helping with the unpacking well, He was a little guy in more ways then attire and a bored/grumpy Draco trying to be 'helpful' never ended well. He could of had one of the twins help him but with it being their first time watching Draco, he figured 2 on 1 gave them a fighting chance against his bratty baby boy.

"So..Cripes..you really wear nappies huh?" Fred asked,leaning down for a closer look at the bulky seat of Draco's overall's and nappies. Draco, who had been leaning forward to get some of the baby blocks they had for him to play with gave a annoyed look as this was the 5th time Fred had asked that. deciding that those who get that close to his butt with no care about their own safety deserved what they got and scrunched up his face. George realized what was happening and started to cry out a warning. "Fred wait get back from hi-" but at last the cry came too late and indeed only made things worse. Fred's poor mouth had opened, and with the distraction from George, Draco moved his diapered rear backwards, almost in slow motion and finished his long sputtering but muffed fart on his unca's face. With the deed done and Fred on his back and gagging, George glared at Draco. "what cha do that for?" he demanded, folding his arms. "But unca George, I'm just a widdle boy and NEED my diapies, Unca Fred should of realized he was playing with fire.. or gas." Draco said, doing his best 'i'm so cute you can't stay mad at me' faces and voices. and unlike Ron who had seen them all and could resit, This was Georges first and he instantly melted. "well,m just don't let it happen again. Do you want some ice cream?" George asked Draco of course knew he wasn't suppose to have any, ice cream made him a super duper pooper..Butttt He was just a little boy and lessons had to be learned all around. Fred finally got up and like wise was about to throttle Draco but the power of the puppy look and he was de fanged as well and went to go and smash up some cookies to crumble over Draco's ice cream. '..heh..yeah. I could get used to this~' he thought.

Ron had been hard at work for a hour and came out to get a glass of juice from the fridge. he noticed Draco was nuzzled on the crotch with his brother and smiled, he was glad they were getting along and didn't wanna say anything to spoil their fun. chugging his juice down and getting a refill, Ron just happened to look in the sink and froze, seeing three dirty bowls that had clearly had ice cream in them. "Ohhhh No. No no no.." Ron said, a knot forming in his tummy. coming out of the kitchen and hurrying to look out into the living room he heard the first poot and toyed with just running before the smell reached him. cries of disgust and whimpers of pain were heard and it delayed Ron enough that he didn't escape the stink field in time and was welcomed to the truly rotten smell of a lactose intolerant like Malfoy having dairy. Nose hairs burning and eyes watering Ron sighed and headed for ground zero. Fred and George were each half out a window, Fred on the left and George on the right. Draco not surprisingly was squatting down and hunching, fists closeted and gritting his teeth. from the look of focus on his face and the sweat you'd almost swear he was doing a power up from a anime. at least till you noted the massive diaper that had forced the crotch snaps open (and Ron looked and noticed some of the buttons on the floor) Spotting Ron in the door way Draco started to cry out daddy, but it was over taken with a guttural groan as a cramp hit him. the diaper, which was already racing for his knee caps jumped in size and Ron found himself glad he hadn't taken Harry's advice and gone with muggle diapers, they'd of had a blow out by now! "D-Daddy tummy hurt!" Draco whined and whimpered, tears going down his cheeks and holding out his hands as his knees wobbled. technically Ron should of let Draco suffer, to enjoy the spoils of his win at getting ice cream and suffer butttt...that just wasn't the kinda daddy Ron was. conjuring up a clothes pin for his own nose, and a dummy with a large rubber teat that found it's way into Draco's mouth, Ron came over and hugged the stinky boy. He also once he noticed the twins were trying to escape out the windows, shut them on the twins trapping them but not hurting them. well, not hurting them till anther spell had the back of their knickers get yanked up for twin wedgies. "OWWW! Stoppp Ron knock it off!" "we'll get you back for this!" "mmmmhmmm. I'll be back to free you after I change Draco..or I can let you two go now and you can change him." Ron said, smirking. "...You know, after the first 10 seconds this feels kinda nice." Fred said. "Could do this all day." added George. "For the record you two will be changing him at some point." Ron laughed. "Now hold on.." George started. "You never warned us about him being like..THAT every time that he goes!" Fred protested. "Hmm? oh he's not. but you dipsticks let him have dairy when he's lactose intolerant. reap what you sew." "..If he knew he couldn't handle it then why did he have three bowls of it!?!" "because he's a baby duh. he just likes yummy things and doesn't think about later." A whine from behind and Ron smiled at the huffing Draco who with one last watery fart seemed to be done..and oh my. the diaper had gotten SO shit swelled that it looked like something out of a cartoon show, Draco had basically made a bean bag chair of sorts! in fact if he hadn't of just stopped pooping he might of been picked off the ground! "Jesus sweetie, you have any bones left in you?" Ron asked fascinated and semi worried at the same time. (and maybe a little pride, that was his boy who had just made a super big present.)

The only way to move him at this point was a levitation spell and Draco hated it. the damn things always made him queasy to his belly even though he'd been used to moving much faster during a quditch game. Still there was no way to change him in the house without getting the mess everywhere and his new uncles seemed to have a high enough stone way around the back of their large yard. "oh look, they have a garden back here..you can provide all the fertilizer from now on!" Daddy teased and Draco tried to glare but the cheating bastard tickled the big babies tum tum making him giggle around the paci. Sat down slowly with a loud squish and a horrible smell being released, Draco whined and held his own nose and waved a hand. "heh, yeah buddy, Stinky.":Ron chuckled then opened his diaper. stinky as it was, Draco couldn't help but giggle even in the outdoor setting as Ron turned green in the face. charming a gas mask onto his face daddy was apparently ok and Draco huffed and crossed his arms. "No fair! cheating!" was what he wanted to say, but just gibberish came out instead because he also refused to let the dummy out of his mouth.

45 minutes later (give or take a century from Ron's POV) and the little guy was all cleaned up and his 'treasure' so to speak disposed of. The twins had manage to get free by seeing what Ron had been dealing with they decided to hold back on their revenge so they wouldn't have to change Draco today. Or at least that was the plan but after carrying Draco in just his diapers (him sitting on Ron's lap, snuggling into him and looking more like a little toddler then the high school graduate he was) when Ron came out of their room, Draco was hiding behind him and still had the dummy in his mouth.  just he was sucking on it BIG time and almost giving the twins ideas. then Ron stepped out of the way and the twin's jaws dropped. If his first outfit had been shocking, and his just diapered look adorable, this look was kinda sexy and having the twins who had considered themself hetero till just seconds again were desperately trying to justify thoughts of what they wanted to do with Draco. "Boys..let me introduce the other side of your new nephew..his niece side." Ron chuckled.

Draco's cheeks were bright red, daddy had promised no sissy stuff around his brothers but said this was his punishment for being a little piggy! So now his short blond hair had a light pink bow in it, he was wearing a very short little girl party dress, complete with a bow on the back that daddy had to tie and of course was a mixture of different shades of pink. whine knee high socks were on him and a pair of black Mary janes on his feet. 'At least daddy didn't put make up on me this time." Draco sulked around his paci, waddling forward with the same bulky cloth and rubber pants he'd had before. His his Mary-janes making a clip clack sound on the floor Draco got in front of his unca's and griping the hem of his dress, curtsy and bowed his head. "so..you two think you can try this again and NOT fuck it up?" Ron asked. "I uh..I.." Fred stammered, apparently locked up in resisting the urge to fawn over the little cutie. "You know Fred, i think we could do a smash up job this time. even handle any diaper changes!" George said. "Glad to hear. no take backies." Ron said and turned to go back into Draco and his room to finish working. as he turned a low rumbling sound was heard that turned into a series of wet farts. "Uhhh Ron?" Fred squeaked out as the back of Draco's diaper ballooned out from under the dress. "No take backsies. " was all Ron said then shut the door. "...Still think letting them move in was a good idea?" "Oh shut up!"

the end

[thebibliomancer]

Justice League Indispensable: JLA #222: Beasts II: Death Games

January, 1984

I’ve noticed over two-hundred and twenty plus posts that villains love being tall and dangling heroes from their fingers.

That tactile sensation... It must feel amazing. And a little squirmy.

Not much else to say about the cover. Except that Hawkman’s legs seem to not exist.

Anyway.

Last time on Justice League: the Justice League have been dealing with a lot of weird animal/people hybrids. Has Dr. Moreau finally been adapted into DC? Probably not. But Flash, Elongated Man, and Hawkman all get badly injured in separate locations by these Ani-Men. And Firestorm catches a catgirl named Reena robbing the Empire State Building. She asks him for sanctuary so he takes her to the JL Satellite to spill the beans on the Ani-Men.

This time: Superman is in the hilarious position of interrogating catgirl Reena who has forgotten how chairs work.

Just sitting on the table. Probably getting hair everywhere.

Firestorm tells Superman to chill out with the hardnosed animated Justice League approach (I mean, he doesn’t, but animated Superman also needed to chill out, amirite?) because Reena volunteered to help.

Reena says she has no choice but to trust the League and that she’s lived in DAILY TERROR for the past few months.

She asks if any of them have heard of Repli-Tech?

Dang, shame Batman is off having recently formed the Outsiders because I bet he knows all the companies. All of them.

Ooooorrrr Aquaman does?

Aquaman: “Repli-Tech Industries... They were one of the first of the genetics companies to go public on the stock exchange, weren’t they? I remember they made quite a splash a year ago... But I haven’t heard anything about them since.”

Oh, Aquaman, you punster, you.

So Reena lays down some exposition about how Repli-Tech was a hilariously mismanaged company, where the executives forced a rapid capital expansion beyond its market niche and how a recession just bankrupt the overextended company.

But despite the dismay and panic of the other execs, hilariously mustached CEO Rex Rogan had a daring plan to save the company!

Rex Rogan: “Dr. Lovecraft and his genetic discoveries were the basis for our initial success, developing new forms of medicine -- new fertilizers -- even new fuels! He’s come up with a way out for all of us, involving a new, experimental form of DNA manipulation. It could kill us -- but the alternative is disgrace, financial ruin, and imprisonment.”

Oh, sure. Of course. Why not trust a guy called DR. LOVECRAFT.

But due to faith in Rex Rogan, CEO, or just fear of prison, the whole board all agrees to this wild plan.

And the wild plan?

Dr. Lovecraft uses SCIENCE to put them all in cocoons where they are transformed into furries.

Rex Rogan Maximus Rex: “We are reborn -- we are above the beasts, and above mankind! We will do more than merely survive -- we will conquer -- we will rule!”

Then with company guards also enhanced by Dr. Lovecraft, Rex has them steal a whole bunch of shit which is used to protect Repli-Tech from bankruptcy.

Huh.

Uh. I don’t really get how becoming furries was an essential part of this plan.

If the plan was just to steal a bunch of shit to make up for poor financial management. But live your best lives, Repli-Tech board of directors.

Anyway, having super hunky animal powers is handy when the superheroes inevitably become involved which oops look its happening. It happened last issue and this issue so good thing they had turned themselves into furries.

(Do the Repli-Tech board of directors not have to make any public appearances? They’re a publicly traded company, apparently.)

Also, Maximus Rex buys a warehouse to turn into an arena for some death games where humans fight beast-men for the amusement of the rich and powerful like politicians and corporate executives.

Not really sure how this specifically saves the company but I think that’s more of a personal project for Maximus Rex, lion hunk.

The blood sport did make Reena start thinking that maybe Rex was the asshole.

‘Uh no shit’ chimes in Hawkgirl and Wonder Woman who determine now is a good time to interject that Reena is just as much of a monster for sitting idly by as people were killed in blood sport.

Firestorm, Superman, and Zatanna counter ‘hey lets hear the rest of the story, mkay?’

Reena grew unable to stomach all the death and as luck would have it Rowl, one of the Repli-Tech guards recently transformed into an animal hunk also found the whole situation gross.

He helped Reena escape but wound up captured himself.

He did manage to high kick a scorpion man though. So that’s something.

Anyway, Rowl getting caught is why Reena was breaking into the Repli-Tech office in the Empire State Building. She wanted to find evidence!

Hawkgirl: “I don’t believe it. Not a word. She’s obviously a plant -- she said herself, she was Rogan’s mistress, that she always did everything he told her. Why should we believe she’d turn against him?”

Firestorm: “Look at her, Hawkgirl -- me, I believe her.”

Aquaman: “We can’t ignore what she’s told us, Shayera.”

Even Superman goes yeah lets believe the catgirl. And I’m sorta wondering about all the male Justice League members believing the catgirl while two out of three of the woman leaguers are like uhn uh I don’t trust that darn cat.

But we shortly see that Reena was telling the truth about Rowl, if nothing else.

Guards at the Arena snooze gas Rowl to drag him from his cell into the Arena.

A Guard: “Y’know, I used to be friends with this guy, when he was still human. Rex gives him a chance to be something special, and he goes and blows it helping some damn cat.”

Rowl comes to in the center of the Arena with the crowd roaring for his blood.

He tries to talk to the crowd, win their sympathy by saying he used to be human like them but they’re rich dicks who want to see someone horribly murdered for their amusement.

Trying to talk to them was a non-starter. And Maximus Rex even mocks him for trying.

Maximus Rex: “Human you may have been -- but you were never like them. Smell the air: it’s so thick you can taste it -- the oily sweat of a blood-hungry mob! They want a death, Rowl... They want your death!”

Maximus Rex asks the crowd what Rowl deserves and they chant DEATH and KILL HIM so Maximus Rex jumps down to the Arena floor to see to it personally.

He’s kinda like Roman Emperor Commodus from the historically adjacent movie film Gladiator who liked to gladiate instead of just watching Gladiator gladiate.

And unlike movie Commodus, Maximus Rex is no slouch.

Right off the bat, he blocks Rowl’s ultimate technique, a jump kick.

Poor Rowl is doomed.

And he doesn’t even know it yet. He manages to hit Maximus Rex once and thinks he’s winning.

Rowl: “You’re just as you were in the boardroom -- you’ve no stomach for a real battle! We used to laugh about you, Rogan, down in the ranks! All of us -- we called you a gutless wonder!”

Maximus Rex retorts by disembowling Rowl.

Maximus Rex: “So, Rowl... Which of us has no stomach now?”

Savage af.

Then he knocks Rowl down and RIPS OFF HIS HEAD TO SHOW TO THE CROWD??

Geez! This is a gory story! I mean, we don’t see anything really except for some dark blue blood but geez!

A lion man just ripped off a jump-kicking wolfman’s head in a gladiatorial arena for the ultra rich!

You’re bonkers, superhero comic books!

RIP Rowl, Justice League #222 (1984) - Justice League #222 (1984).

Back at the Justicey part of the plot, 22,300 miles above the Earth, the League receives an emergency message from Dr. Hamid of Cairo Hospital.

Or he says he’s Dr. Hamid of Cairo Hospital.

He looks like Tony Stark, that Ironman guy from Marvel.

Anyway, he got the JL’s top secret broadcast code from a device on Hawkman’s uniform.

Yeah. Hawkman. Remember how he was attacked by a giant scorpion last issue? Well, he’s in the hospital with an acute case of too much scorpion venom in him. And Dr. Toby Stark fears he may not last the night.

Hawkgirl is understandably upset and wants to rush to his side as fast as possible. And since the League has cool teleport booths, that’s... still not that fast because the booths only go to other booths and Cairo Hospital doesn’t have a booth.

She also asks Wonder Woman to go with her.

Superman wonders if Hawkgirl is maybe too emotionally torn up to go see her scorpion’d hawkguy.

Zatanna: “I won’t stop her, Superman. Will you?”

WHILE GIVING AN EXPRESSION THATS LIKE ‘please do not drag me into drama.’

Reena tries to commiserate with Hawkgirl but Shayera is having none of that.

Hawkgirl: “Your people did this. If Katar dies -- you killed him!”

Oof.

Zatanna tries to contextualize Hawkgirl’s outburst by explaining that Hawkman and Hawkgirl are just super close but Reena says she understands because she and Rex were that close.

And that despite everything she still loves him and it makes her feel like shit.

Oof.

Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl arrive at Cairo Hospital and Dr. Hamid tells them that Hawkman isn’t the only one who got scorpion’d.

Dr. Hall and his students were attacked by giant scorpion man to rob some archaeological relics they found. Several of the students are in the hospital after being stung and two have already died.

As for Dr. Hall, why he’s just plum gone missing. (Because he’s Hawkman)

From his hospital bed, Hawkman weakly (because of getting scorpion’d) apologizes for the argument they had before he left for Cairo and Hawkgirl claims she doesn’t even remember the fight. Because nothing makes you put aside hurt feelings like possible death by scorpion.

Dr. Hamid tells Wonder Woman that Hawkman is very likely to die unless they can get some giant scorpion man venom to develop into an anti-toxin.

And while they walk by, a random janitor mopping the floor reports the presence of the Justice League members to his ring.

HMMM.

I think that I suspect that this humble janitor is in fact actually a plant for the Rex Squad.

Yup.

Yuuuup.

That janitor was up to no good.

With two Hawks down with sleep gas, its left to the Rex Squad unit leader to handle Wonder Woman.

ITS A HECKIN RHINO MAN!

Of course, a hero as strong as Wonder Woman isn’t going down to a single rhino punch.

It takes a second whole punch to knock her out.

Womp womp.

Rhino Man: “Gas her and shove her in the ‘copter with the others, Mac. The boss wants ‘em all for a little TV show he’s planning. Way I hear, it’s gonna be a ratings smash!”

Rhino puns.

About an hour later, the Justice League subteam nicknamed Sit On Their Thumbs is still in the satellite wondering why Wonder Woman hasn’t called to tell them how Hawkman is doing.

But gosh darn it, if they don’t hear from her in two more minutes in time for the regular hourly check-in, then they’ll just have to do something maybe!

But they get a signal from Hawkgirl’s code and Aquaman main screen turns on... to reveal a big sneering lion man who is not Hawkgirl at all.

Reena: “oh god... he’s found me.”

Maximus Rex, full incoming ham: “Yes, Reena, I’ve found you. When this is done, you’ll suffer the fate of all who betray me. But first, tell your new friends who they face! I am MAXIMUS REX, LEADER OF THE NEW ORDER!”

Firestorm: “Y’know... Somehow, I’d already guessed that.”

Snrrk.

But Maximus Rex warns them not to mock his lionness and has the camera swung over to reveal that he has Wonder Woman and the Hawks as his hostages.

Hawkman is definitely going to die (from being scorpion’d) but Maximus Rex is Magnanimous Rex and instead of immediately killing them, he’s going to turn them into furries too.

Maximus Rex: “I think the Amazon would make a very proper pig, don’t you?”

Man, this guy must have loved the “This Little Piggy” episode of Justice League Unlimited.

Buuuut he won’t turn them into furries and make them fight in his Arena if the Justice League do him some small favors.

First thing, turn Reena over to him.

Second thing, “I want your full cooperation with my plans.”

When Superman tells him ‘obviously no’ Maximus gets mad.

Oh, Maximus the Mad. That’s a catchy name for him.

Maximus Rex: “In the hours to come, you will regret this decision, Justice Leaguers. My new order is the future. You cannot turn the tide of destiny. It will sweep over you... Draw you under... Drown you in the sea of history! Ours will be a struggle to the death -- your death! HA HA HA HA”

He is.

Frothing a little.

And as the mad lion lad continues just belly laughing on this collect call, Superman shakes his fist determinedly.

Superman: “Enjoy it while you have it, Maximus. We’re bringing you down.”

I mean, sure, half of the League is captured or in the hospital already from tangling with these Ani-Men but the League is probably due for an upswing, right?

Or maybe they’ll all get captured and I’ll get to see what the Justice League’s fursonas are.

My guess for Superman is the noble capybara, friend to all.

Follow @justice-league-indispensible or @essential-avengers​ which is my real liveblog. I’m sorry, this has all been a lie. A jape. A delightful jest. An April Fool. Like and reblog maybe. The more notes this gets the more I go oh no look at what kind of response Justice League gets and I’ve backed the Avengers horse, the April Fool turns out to be me! That’ll show me.